#scheming damian (gremlin) wayne

[thiccpersonality]

Oh Grape An Intruder!

Something isn't right. It's as if someone dumped ice down his shirt and put alarm bells in his head with the feeling he's getting. Bruce cracks open his eyes quickly, turning his head to check the time and groaning at how it's only 3 am. But, he feels as if he needs to get up and check on things, so he can't exactly ignore his instincts.

The man looks down at his sleeping child, Damian, the boy always looks so much more relaxed when he's at rest. The round cheek is smooshed against Bruce's chest as the boy makes a small, displeased noise while tightening his grip on his father's shirt at the sudden shift. Bruce cradles the small head in his larger hand while gently turning the boy onto his back, attempting to pull away and softly chuckling when Damian only holds tighter.

Bruce softly whispers: "Let go, bud. I'll be right back as soon as I know we all are safe."

A soft look over takes Bruce's face when Damian huffs, yet again, in his sleep but slowly releases the shirt to hug the soft pillows while snuggling into the warm spot Bruce's body left behind.

At finally being released Bruce quickly slips out of his room and into the hallway. Before he can decide where to check first, a small noise comes from downstairs...it sounds like the kitchen...and it doesn't sound like any of his kids are rummaging through the pantry. The noises being made just don't resonate with Bruce as familiar sounds.

Bruce slowly slips down the steps like a panther, inching towards the kitchen and quickly grabbing a batarang from one of the many hiding spots he has in his house for emergencies. He takes a slow, controlled deep breath in and glares at the criminal in the dark, freezing at hearing crunching noises...did someone break in cause they are hungry?

Bruce steels himself and flicks the light on, raising his hand high in the air readying for an attack, but freezing yet again at the wide eyed look he receives from none other than Clark Joseph Kent.

Bruce drops his hand with a sigh and groans: "Clark...it's three in the morning. Why the hell are you in my house?"

Clark clears his throat and scratches the back of his head: "You woke up? Well, of course you woke up! I was just...making sure everyone was safe is all."

Bruce narrows his eyes disapprovingly and tosses the batarang on the countertop, delighting in Clark's flinch at the clang the weapon makes on the island: "I thought someone broke in. I was planning to come down and beat the living hell out of the person who was attempting to come into MY house."

Clark chuckles nervously and smiles: "Can't really do that to me without Kryptonite, can ya?"

Whatever Clark just said is lost to Bruce when he notices the grapes the alien is snacking on, the billionaire only being able to groan at realizing why Clark invaded his home.

Bruce: "You are here for my grapes, aren't you?"

Clark gives Bruce a "you got me" kind of look, his hands lifting up the bowl full of grapes to his cheek, deep blue eyes shining lovingly at the fruit in the bowl: "But your grapes are so much better! They taste...sweeter somehow."

Bruce facepalms and rubs his cheek in exasperation: "You were in the same place I was when you got those grapes! After all, they were from my garden you dork. We both quite literally have the same grapes."

Clark squints suspiciously at Bruce (nevermind the fact he doesn't need to squint): "You say that...but I swear they taste better than mine. Maybe the side I picked mine from had something wrong with it-" Clark frowns, his voice slightly bitter as he speaks-"I bet it was Damian who tended to that side of the garden. That's why my grapes taste slightly sour and bitter."

Bruce sighs and keeps his thoughts to himself. Clark and Damian argue like children vying for their parent's attention...although Clark can be a bit more subtle about that competition.

At Bruce's silence Clark looks up as he's popping another grape into his mouth, smile soft and inviting as he holds the bowl of fruit up to Bruce: "Grape?" He doesn't truly realize the fondness in Bruce's heart at the bright-golden retriever like-ball of sunshine that is Clark Kent.

Bruce just shakes his head and takes a grape, lips twitching into a smile at Clark's expectant look as he answers with one simple word: "Sure."

(What Clark and Bruce just don't realize is that Damian is glaring at Clark from one of his many secret hiding spots and is planning the alien's demise for getting close to Bruce XD. This was mainly written because...well, cause I wanted to. But also based off of my twin and I who I always insist her food is better than mine even though we eat the same thing lol. You beauties stay safe, happy, healthy and of course lovely as always. 💛)

[bluebeaniefrog]

Bruce is grateful for the fact that Damian has made friends, he is.

He's happy that his son has met children his own age at school and befriended them. That he is growing from that prickly, unhappy, scarred child he'd first been when he'd come to live with Bruce. That his friends are even normal kids - baring Jon, who is still normal enough despite being the son of Superman and occasionally a super hero himself - with no links to anything strange or dangerous or illegal.

"Oh, sup B."

He just wished that his son's friends were also just a little less...feral.

"Hello Elle."

Elle Nightingale gave him a little wave with the lemon she was holding - or as best as she could considering the space she was working with - and smiled cheekily at him. Bruce felt a headache budding behind his eyes.

"I thought Alfred banned you from the kitchen?" She shifted a bit, nudging a bottle of milk - farm fresh, courtesy of the Kents, passed along via Jon as thanks for looking after him for the weekend. Bruce wished he'd had the foresight to expect that Jonathan Kent staying over for the weekend would mean that Elle, her cousin Billy and their friend BL - the children refused to say the girl’s real name, likely to spite Damian, and thr initials had been a compromise to calling her Box Lunch - would take it as them being permitted to stay over for so long as well. Damian had just given Bruce a an unimpressed look when he'd expressed his surprise at the sudden influx of twelve year olds in his home. As if Bruce was disappointing him at being so foolish as to think his entire pack of hellhounds wouldn't be invading enmass.

"Just getting a snack." He assured her, not wanting her to being the wrath of Alfred down upon his head. The hellions liked doing that, for some reason. "I don't suppose you could tell me what exactly you're doing in my fridge." Bruce tried, looking at the girl curled up in what should have been a deeply uncomfortable position between a few shelves of the large appliance.

Elle grinned. Her canines looked a little too sharp in the odd light of the fridge. Bruce really had to stop thinking of his sons friends as demonic hellions, he was starting to impose impossible features on them when he was sleep deprived.

"We're playing hide and seek." She made direct, unblinking eye contact with him as she brought the whole lemon to her mouth and took a bite out of it like it was an apple. "It’s Day's turn to seek." She added, lemon juice dripping down her chin as she swallowed her bite, rind and all.

Well at least she was getting enough vitimin C.

"Right." He nodded, deciding that it wasn't cowardice that led him not wanting to get involved. No, it was just...good parenting. Letting the kids be kids. It was a sleepover, and Damian was actually playing a game! That was something to be encouraged! Bruce wasn't fleeing from this particular group of children's brand of chaos at all. "...could you hand me one of the fruit cups Alfred made earlier?"

Elle obliged on the condition Bruce didn't tell Damian about her hiding spot and returned to happily eating her...whole lemon...as he shut the fridge door on her.

As he returned to his office he glanced out one of the manor's large windows long enough to see Billy stick his head out from the top of the twelve foot tall topiaries out on the front lawn, checking to see if Damian was about. Bruce shook his head, kids and their ability to climb impossible structures never ceased to amaze him. Billy should be careful not to keep trying to peak for Damian though, he was going to end up getting found that way.

[meara-eldestofthemall]

Hello again bat-gran 👋

I appreciated your answer on the Robins situation, it intrigued me.

How would you have written Damian/where would you like his writing to go?

Poor Damian is simultaneously the Batfamily character with the most potential and the worst possible character development. If you go all the way back to his introduction it was fairly clear that readers were supposed to loathe him. He was an arrogant and rude little princeling with a chip on his shoulder the size of Cleveland.

Damian was such a brat that he even managed to exhaust Alfred's patience, which is a real feat considering the man raised Bruce.

Everyone knows that in his later interaction with Tim in this issue (Batman #657) Damian proves what a superior person he is by killing the first criminal he came across. He then tossed the decapitated head, (with a grenade in it's mouth) at Tim to make a point.

The most important thing to take away from this is that Damian has been raised in a cult that operates on the same upward mobility scheme as the Klingon Empire. In order to get ahead, you kill the person in your way. That' s exactly what Damian tried to do.

Damian was originally conceived as an anti-hero at least and a full blown villain at worst. He was supposed to be a great source of angst for Batman to darkly brood over for years. The only problem was that about half of the fandom loved hyper-violent, rude and nasty Damian. DC now had to figure out how to redeem him enough to work with Batman.

They actually did come up with a method that worked. During Battle For The Cowl Damian saved Tim's life in a very Damian way.

This was the moment that could have changed everything. This is where I would have had Damian reluctantly (very reluctantly) allow the idea that maybe his father's way of doing things had a tiny bit of merit after all. To be honest, I wouldn't have changed much of the Dick Grayson Batman and Damian Wayne Robin arc. You had a much sunnier Batman with Robin as the grim dark little gremlin a lot of people loved. Damian actually showed some positive character development without losing the edge that made him popular.

What would I have changed? This...

All the progress Damian made was unceremoniously tossed onto the garbage heap. The moment the kid got angry with Tim he went right into assassin mode and tried to kill him - again. Worst of all, there were no real consequences for his actions. Instead we're supposed to sympathize with the fact that Damian's feelings were hurt.

The impression left with the reader is that Damian maybe got a stern to talking to from Dick but that was about it. It does not help the conversation above seems to lay the blame on Tim for not having a stronger password.

This is the crux of the problem that followed Damian for years. DC seemed to actively undo any positive character development to keep him static. Damian was not allowed to be anything other than rude, arrogant and hyper-violent. He worked abysmally with Bruce's Batman, so much so that it set in stone the idea that Bruce was incapable of being a good Dad to Damian. Damian's character waffled between hero, anti-hero and kind-of-sort-of villain repeatedly. Not too long ago they were setting him up to be a bad guy yet again. Remember when Damian had his own private prison and then resigned from being Robin?

Why would DC continually do that to a character with so much potential?

What I would do with Damian is what we're now seeing. He went off and had his obligatory Robin-right-of-passage adventure on a mysterious island. Damian came back a better character. His relationship with Tim is improved enough that they still bicker dreadfully but are actually more like brothers.

I really like what I'm seeing in Batman and Robin. This is how Damian should be written. He's still got his edge and doesn't suffer fools well but he's working towards a positive future.

So, if you'll forgive this pedantic old Bat-Gran, my point is that what I want to see, what I as a writer would do, is keep him more on the path of the current Batman and Robin series and less of what we see in the current Batman series.

Most of all I would write Damian consistently, not vary the basics of his personality from book to book. That is the cardinal flaw that has always plagued DC.

Who I want Damian to be is a young man who is just beginning to discover that he can choose his own future. My version of Damian can honor his heritage but still move forward into the best version of himself. He can be someone who, perhaps like many teens, has no idea what he'll be in ten years but does know that it's a path he chooses for himself, not one forced on him by either the Waynes or the Al Ghuls.

I just hope I live long enough to see that. I'm already 67 so I hope DC stops messing around gets to it, please.

So, are you sorry you asked?

[dramatic-squirrel]

Daminette December 2022 Day 1- Ice

@maribat-calendar-events (forgot the tag yesterday)

The quiet murmur of people filled the banquet hall, as business leaders and political figures mingled. The venue was beautiful if a bit dull, with a monochrome color scheme it was classy but not very exciting to look at. What really caught people's attention was the intricately carved ice sculpture in the middle of the room.

Six feet tall, the crystal ice depicted a peacock in full plumage. Each feather was meticulously carved in detail and the whole piece was lit up with purple, blue and green lights. Everyone's eyes were drawn to the sculpture. Well… most people's eyes.

“26…27…28…” In one corner of the room, the Wayne children, both honorary and adopted, gathered and watched as Stephanie tossed mini quiches into Jason’s mouth. The longest streak they had going was 40 before Tim accidentally walked into the middle of it and got hit by a tiny meatball.

Some of the Wayne kids were more into it than others. “This is absurd. We’ve been watching this for an hour.” To no one’s surprise, Damian was the first to complain. “At this point we may as well just talk to those capitalist scum and coerce their money from them.”

“31…32…” 

“I’m going to stop you right there Babybird. Marinette?” Marinette took a hold of Damian’s hand both calming him down slightly and preventing him from leaving and starting trouble. “Thanks. The one goal we have been given tonight is to cause as little a commotion as possible. If you go and talk to those people, you’re going to end up stabbing one of them. I love you Damian, but no.”

“Can we at least do something else then? Watching Todd eat is disgusting.”

“Well what do you suggest?”

“Oh! I know! Let’s play ‘Would you rather’” Marinette suggested excitedly. Domain nodded his head in agreement. 

“Ok, let’s do that. I’ll start.” Dick thought for a moment “Would you rather… fight condiment king or cluemaster?”

“That’s an easy one. Cluemaster.” Damian looked over at Marinette and raised an eyebrow. “What?”

“Cluemaster? Seriously? I understand that he’s not a particularly difficult opponent but, would you honestly choose the tougher of the two opponents?”

“Look, I’ve tried to get mustard stains out of clothing before. It’s not worth the trouble. And do you think I’m going to be scared of some guy who asks trivia questions? Next to riddles, trivia questions are my forte.” 

Looking up from his phone, Tim glared at Dick. “Nice going. You started a lover’s quarrel in one sentence.” Dick just rubbed his temple to get rid of his headache.

“Ok but, it will take far more time to take down Cluemaster. If I have to fight either of those embarrassments then I want to make it go by as quickly as possible.” 

“I can’t believe,” Marinette looked at him with utter betrayal on her face. “The next time you fight Condiment King, you can get the stains out yourself. Duke, you're with me on this right?” 

Duke pondered the question for a moment before nodding his head. “Yeah. Honestly, if I don’t have to look at Condiment King then I won’t.” He shuddered a bit. “It’s a horror show.” Marinette pumped her fist in victory. At least before Cass stepped closer to Damian, proving where her loyalties lied.

“Et tu, Cass?” Stephanie looked over from where she was still throwing food at Jason. She swiftly abandoned the hor d'oeuvres  and raced to where Marinette was standing. “I’m with Paris over here. I’ll take any chance to beat the living tar out of Cluemaster.”

Damian clicker his tongue. “You're biased, your opinion doesn’t count.”

“It definitely counts, you little Gremlin. I dare you to say that to my face.”

“Are you deaf, Brown? I just said it to your face.”

Before Stephanie could rush over, Dick got in between the two groups. “Ok, settle down. It’s a hypothetical question. No need to get so heated up about it. How about we move on.” They all looked at each other and nodded in silence to leave things alone for now. “Ok…” He paused for a moment, taking suspicious glances at everyone, not believing their easy acceptance. “Who wants to ask the next question?”

Before anyone else could speak up, Jason decided it was time for a bit of chaos at this Wayne gala. “Who would you rather have on your side, Wonder Woman or Superman?” And just like that, the lines were drawn, and there was no going back. Tables were set up dividing the opposing camps.

And it wasn’t long before shots were taken. When they were later questioned by Bruce who threw the first the first creampuff, no one could remember, but from there it turned into a full blown food fight that Dick was helpless to stop. When a stray mini cheesecake hit another patron, all chaos broke loose, as people tried to shuffle away from the war happening in the corner. But people couldn’t move fast enough. Soon, guests were bumping into each other, trying to prevent the deserts from ruining their clothes valued at thousands of dollars. 

And that was when tragedy struck. As a socialite desperately tried to flee, she bumped into a big named politician. The momentum of the push caused him to stagger, and unable to stop, he crashed into the ice sculpture at the center of the banquet hall. With the sudden deafening shattering of the ice, silence consumed the room.

A few moments later, Bruce walked into the hall from the balcony and abruptly stopped. The event that was once simple and elegant now had food stains on the wall, ice melting all of the floor and his family was there in the corner, looking straight at him, no guilt in their eyes. Feeling the headache build in the back of his head, Bruce took out his phone and called the PR representative to try and salvage the situation.

[rosesgonerogue]

How to be a Dad 101

Chapter Six - Modeling

Jasonette July Day Eight

Masterlist

When Jason was a kid, his family was too poor to take any sort of trip, which at the moment he was missing. He didn’t have any concept of how normal people travelled, but it turned out that even if you were travelling to Paris in a private jet, doing so with your entire family was a downright nightmare.

“Does everyone have all of their bags?” Bruce was calling above the din. “And passports? We need to act like a normal family, so you need to exchange your money for euros when we get there, we shouldn’t just show up with them.”

“B, you’ve already said that at least fifteen times,” Stephanie complained.

“Why exactly is she coming on a family vacation?” Damian demanded. “She’s not even dating Drake anymore.”

“Face it, Damian. Your family chose me, they were stuck with you.”

“Father, you need to choose between Brown and Drake. I cannot be expected to tolerate both for an extended period of time.”

“Oh calm down, Little D. It’ll be fun!” Dick said, slinging an arm over his youngest brother’s shoulder.

Jason sidled over to Cass and whispered, “How many weapons did Bruce say we could bring?”

She looked at him with her unreadable dark eyes. “None.”

“Okay, that’s what he said, but how many are you bringing?”

Silently she held up seven fingers.

“Damn, I have eight. Do you think I can get away with that?” They looked at each other a moment. “You’re right, B definitely has more than that.”

“If you all don’t get yourselves and your belongings on the plane within the next five minutes you’re finding your own way to Paris!” Selina called over the noise.

“Move it, suckers!” Babs yelled, running at least three people’s feet over with her wheelchair in her haste. Despite the pain she caused, once she got to the plane, she was able to expertly maneuver herself onto it, letting Dick struggle aboard with both of their luggage. Jason kept himself as far away from the eldest Wayne child as possible. Every time Dick looked at Jason, he could see the apology in his brother’s eyes, which only served to piss him off all over again. Maybe he was being irrational, and maybe he was just on edge because they were heading to Paris, but Jason couldn’t really find it in himself to care.

He slept fitfully on the flight, doing his best to ignore his family, be it Dick and Babs being the disgusting newlywed couple, or just Damian being… Damian. His dreams were strange and disjointed, filled with blue eyes and whispered French.

After dealing with customs and getting checked into their hotel (which was almost exclusively inhabited by their party, because of course it was), Jason had no desire to ever go on another family trip ever again. The thought of doing all of that without skipping lines and cutting corners they were able to thanks to Bruce’s money was almost painful. But then again, people with less money also didn’t have to deal with Damian and Tim in the same space for an extended period of time.

Thanks to the nap he’d had on the plane and the fact that he was in Paris, Jason found he couldn’t sleep. He found himself wandering the hotel, taking in the opulent surroundings. He thought he would only see hotel staff if he were to see anyone, but on his way to the hotel’s twenty-four hour gym, he stumbled across a blonde dressed vaguely like a bumblebee who was arguing with someone on the phone.

“Listen, Dupain-Cheng, you are not taking advantage of these clients. No! You’ve been staying up at all hours of the night – don’t you dare argue with me, you’re up right now, aren’t you? And you have to take care of gremlins in the morning. No, she agreed to do it, it’s not exploiting them, it’s allowing them to pay you back for the giant favor you’re doing them! Fine, I will give her a discount, but this is not how you build a brand! Now go to sleep, the photoshoot is tomorrow. Don’t give me that, we both know you’ll finish things up with time to spare. Now go. To. Sleep.”

After a few moments the blonde hung up, and she seemed to be in a foul mood when she saw Jason. “And what do you want?”

“To get to the gym? You’re blocking the door.”

“And you were just eavesdropping. Your French isn’t bad for an American,” she said, flouncing away with a hair flip. “But your accent is horrible.”

“It can’t be as bad as your attitude,” he sneered under his breath before shoving into the exercise room.

Once inside, Jason ran himself to exhaustion, grateful when he collapsed into bed and fell asleep almost immediately. His dreamless sleep was fleeting, though, because it felt like only moments later that he was jolted awake by the sound of his phone ringing.

Glaring at the offending technology, he considered silencing it, but when he saw it was Selina, he thought better of that.

“Yes?”

“You have an hour to look awake and presentable. Meet up in the hotel lobby.”

She hung up as abruptly as she had called, leaving Jason blinking at his phone. He considered rolling over and going back to sleep, but he’d probably need the entire hour just to get his hair to Selina’s standards.

Cass was already in the lobby when Jason was finally ready, and thankfully Dick was nowhere to be seen. Sidling up next to his sister, Jason asked, “Do you know what we’re doing?” His level of concern grew exponentially when she shook her head. Everyone knew Bruce was weak for Cass, so if Cass didn’t know, that meant that the scheme was entirely Selina’s.

Unsurprisingly, Grayson the peacock was the last person to make it to the group. Babs was too annoyed with him to even make some sort of innuendo, she just complained about how long it took for him to do his hair.

“So what’s the plan, Selina?” Stephanie asked, bouncing on the balls of her feet.

“You’ll find out when we get there. Follow me, we have a ways to walk,” Selina said, smiling wickedly.

The family obediently trudged after Selina, grouping up as they moved. Jason saw Dick make a beeline for him, but Babs caught his arm. “Babe, will you stick with Damian to make sure that he doesn’t maim any Parisians?”

“Sure, babe,” he said, deflating a bit.

As expected, only moments later Babs rolled up next to him. “Listen here, you giant. If you’re going to make me catch up to you, the least you can do is push my wheelchair.”

“Whatever,” Jason said, doing as she asked.

“I hope you know you’re killing my husband, by the way. He’s goingi crazy because he doesn’t know what to do to apologize to you.”

“Good.”

“I know you don’t mean that, Jason, and I know that because we both know I’m the one you’re actually mad at.”

“Am I?”

“Bringing up the French girl was a low blow. You told me about that in confidence, and I threw it in your face. I’m sorry, Jason.”

“That did piss me off, I just… Babs, why did you marry Dick?”

“Is that a trick question? Because I love him, stupid.”

“But how did you know that you loved him that much? Because ever since I met my ‘French girl,’ I can’t even think about looking at someone else. It’s insane because I knew her for like a day, but I’ve never… I’ve never felt like that with anyone before, but I didn’t feel right trying to make anything more out of what we had because of how royally screwed up our lives are. How could I subject someone who is possibly a literal angel to our lives? I’ve never questioned my decision on that before, but lately I can’t stop thinking about her, and now we’re here, in Paris where she lives.”

“Wow.” Babs said. “I didn’t know… That’s a lot, Jay.”

“Thanks.”

“Give a girl some time to process, okay? Geez. I don’t know if I believe in fate and that kind of crap, but this feels eerily like destiny. Maybe you’re meant to meet her here in Paris. If you do, then don’t run away. Stick it out for at least as long as we’re here. You wouldn’t be the first of us to have a relationship with a civilian.”

“But what if—”

“Jason, bothering yourself about all of the ‘what ifs’ is only going to drive you crazy. We don’t even know if you’re going to meet her here. Let things run their course.”

He sighed. “You’re right, thanks Babs. And I’ll tell your husband that I forgive him, the sap.”

“That’s all I ask.”

After a few blocks more, Selina abruptly stopped in front of a building. It was clearly some sort of business, but the doors only said, “MDC” across them. “This is it, kids. Come on in.”

Tim could be heard freaking out about something or other, but Jason found himself hoping that whatever was happening would be quick and painless. Inside, curiously enough, the same blonde from last night was waiting for them.

“You must be the Wayne family, here for the photoshoot,” she said in flawless English. “MDC had some personal affairs to tend to, so she will be here shortly.”

“Photoshoot?” Bruce asked, looking at Selina.

“This is the shop of the designer who is making my dress,” Selina purred with a winning smile. “Ordinarily she wouldn’t have been able to fit me, you and all the kids in with how little time we gave her, but she’s releasing her first line of clothes to the general public, and her normal models are away. It’s a fairly sizeable line, and she wanted diversity, so I volunteered our beautiful family.”

“We’re going to be modeling?” Damian asked, disgusted.

“We’re going to be modeling for MDC?!” Tim asked, nearly bouncing with excitement.

“Dude, you’re a CEO. Have some shame,” Babs said, elbowing him.

“You’re already booked and committed. Once MDC gets here she’ll decide who will be wearing what, and then we’ll get started,” the blonde said. As if on cue, there was a crash in the back room, and the blonde sighed. “That will be MDC now.”

Jason was only mildly curious what this designer might be like, but it seemed that things would be at least a bit entertaining. Even before she burst from the backroom, she was spewing frantic French to the blonde.

“Chloe, I’m so sorry I’m late, Jules kept spilling things on himself on purpose, and then the babysitter was sick, so I had to find someone else, and then I missed the train and –”

Emerging from the backroom was a beautiful pixie-like girl, a girl who had starred in almost every dream Jason had had since they’d met. Jason was completely frozen at the sight of her.

Marinette. Marinette was MDC, the only designer Selina would think of wearing on her wedding day.

She stopped at seeing the mass of people in her store, but she immediately smiled sincerely, eyes flitting from person to person. In English she said, “You must be the Wayne family, thank you so much for agreeing to model for me. It really—” she cut off mid-sentence, eyes wide. “Jason? Is that really you?”

Taglist: 

@jasonette-july-2k20 @ira-sairain @myazael @pawsitivelymiraculous @nik-nak-3 @dast218 @queen-of-the-trash-planet-tm  @vixen-uchiha @momothefemur @toodaloo-kangaroo @marinettepotterandplagg @goddessofthewestwind

Note: 

In case you haven’t noticed, I haven’t done yesterday’s prompt yet. It’s in the works, but my life is complete chaos, and it will just have to be late. Even though it was such a fun prompt, I have been having some severe writer’s block. Anyway, I’m super excited for the next few chapters, it’s happening! 

[squintyfist]

Starlight Comfort

A Round Robin done with @geminibabyhere @supersilversleuth @fanfictiongreenirises @batbirdies @blackroseaki38 @marzue  Words: 1,243  Characters: Stephanie Brown & Damian Wayne had to move a sentence or two around to make it flow better

Stephanie turned around in her seat with a huff, shooting a glare at the gremlin behind her.

The gremlin pushed a card into her hands and ran away, leaving her to wonder for a few moments why there was a card with "Sister 💜💚 " written on it.

This was indeed very suspicious. She debated with herself, knowing it would be a bad idea to open it. But who was she kidding, curiosity killed the cat, but the power of eggplant awesomeness would always bring it back.

A cloud of glitter enveloped her the moment she opened it, settling over Steph like a cloud and leaving her spluttering.

She had to admit she was impressed with the glitter surprise, the kid learned from the best after all.

At least it was purple, she thought, clearing it away with her hand to finally see the message inside.

The letter read: "Meet me at the fallen tree near the poolhouse in the Manor's backyard at 23:38 tonight."

Steph glanced at the clock - this left her with exactly three minutes to get there.

The glitter carnage left her covered in uncleanable purple glitter, but she ignored it to rush to the fallen tree near the poolhouse in the Manor's backyard in time.

It wasn’t like she’d never looked like a fool before and if there were shenanigans afoot, Steph wanted a part in them.

She just hoped she wouldn't be the one bamboozled tonight. She would rather be a part of the scheming than a victim of the scheme.

The unrecognizable red drops and scuff marks on the ground worried her a bit, but she pushed it aside to see…

Turned out there was a whole table set up with a telescope to see stars and sweets they both liked.

She carefully scrutinized the setup, suspicious of what the kid had planned.

She looked at the kid who gave her...puppy eyes. Puppy eyes.

Steph sighed, regretting her words even before they flew out of her mouth. "Now what do you want me to do?"

Damian gave her a judging stare, and said, "Stargaze, clearly."

Stephanie squinted back, not entirely convinced. “So, was there a purpose to the glitter bomb? Or was that just for fun?”

"Clearly, if the purpose is unclear to you, then you don't deserve the answer to your question."

Stephanie swung to settle next to Damian, deigning to ignore when he shuffled to sit closer to her (though she did smear some glitter onto his cheek).

Silence then rang between them long enough for Steph to start getting fidgety.

"Hey, you look like an eggplant now", Stephanie said, pointing towards the purple glitter smudged on his cheeks and the glint in his green eyes as she tried to kill the silence. She didn't expect to get the reply of "Very funny, Princess Aubergine."

Steph gasped, "So you were paying attention when I was ranting to you about it!"

Damian scoffed, but his cheeks went just a little pink at the call-out.

Stephanie laughed at his pink cheeks. It was lowkey cute, but also hilarious.

Damian refused to make eye contact with her, instead, staring at the stars as he grumbled, “I have memorized and cataloged all sorts of information, that story is hardly special.”

"Uh-huh, sure." She said, before deciding to let the matter drop. She wouldn't want to tease him too much and then get him in a bad mood before she figured out what, exactly, was going on tonight.

This was fun though as they took turns using the telescope. The knee-length kid looked up at her with a shine and awe in his eyes that was usually reserved for elder siblings whenever kids thought they were doing something very special.

She didn't even try to point out all the constellations she knew, the kid was like a walking encyclopedia of them all; instead, she made up stories about each one, connecting dots in the sky to make shapes that didn't exist, and watching as Damian made his not-quite-a-smile-but-not-the-usual-scowl face.

She was careful not to shift too suddenly—Damian was leaning on her shoulder to look more closely through the telescope, and she didn’t want to startle him away.

"Is—" She heard him start, but he stopped speaking just as quickly. She glanced over and saw that he seemed to be trying to find the right words.

"Is this plan for spending time and doing good things...good?" He asked, not really looking at her but also sending hopeful but hesitant glances her way.

"It is..." she paused for dramatic effect, "...adequate," she said, mocking him and pointing out the uncharacteristic nature of his question both. He scowled in response and looked away in a poor attempt to keep his relieved expression out of sight.

She weighed the pros and cons of giving him a hug, before compromising and brushing her arm against his.

He did that weird >tt< thing and looked away, hiding that not-smile of his, "I'm... glad that this outing has proven to be successful in uplifting your mood." He said, surprising her.

She blinked and a smile spread on her face and Damian looked seriously concerned at that. 

"No. That's contagious," he said.

Damian backed away in mock offense while she laughed, drawing her grin out wider till it strained the corners of her mouth.

She decided to take her chances and held her arms out, glitter still coating her as she darted after him. “Come on kiddo, you’re not afraid of little ol’ me, are you?”

"If I hadn't been raised in the League of Assassins and if I hadn't gotten used to your face, then yes, I would have been." He said, but still, he moved to let himself be hugged, surprising Stephanie once again.

When they separated, Damian said, "So my nefarious plan for getting a big sister hug and getting you to hug me worked very well" as he gave a sage nod.

He seemed to be acting...off tonight, as if he were hiding something, Steph thought, playing out everything that had happened so far back through her head. Damian stopped her halfway through with a suspiciously well-timed distraction.

“I—“, Damian paused again, still visibly struggling with saying what he wanted to say, but Steph was nothing if not patient (well, in regards to Damian).

"Yesterday, whilst in the middle of a 'mission' with Jon, I caught a glimpse of an alternate universe... one where…where you-" He didn't seem able to continue, his words halting in his throat no matter how hard he tried to force them out.

It was not difficult for Steph to fill the blank herself but she knew the kid was way affected by it and had no else to talk to. "Must have been boring to not have me around" she commented lightly and Damian nodded his head against her shoulder in response.

She knew he was lying, at least partly, just "a glimpse" wouldn't have been enough to bring him to this. She let it go though, surprised and touched at his uncharacteristically non-emotionally-constipated actions. Dick's teachings must have been wearing off on the kid, or better yet, her own.

She decided to let it go for now, what he currently seemed to need was some quiet quality time.

So that's what they had. Sitting next to each other and watching the stars twinkle in the sky above, taking comfort in each other's alive presence.

[hyunrun]

Dream SMP/Batfam

This is my reasoning for connections between Dream SMP members and the Bats. This was all just for fun, but feel free to give feedback if you’d like! And do say if I’ve made a mistake. I haven’t done everyone, so if there’s anyone else you’d like me to do, lemme know! Please read, I spent a good while on this :D

Batman (Bruce Wayne)/Technoblade: Technoblade's Dream SMP origin story starts with his parents dying, so the backstory fits. He swears to kill all orphans because of the way they killed his parents (Similar to the way Bruce wanted to stop crime from running rampant in Gotham). Techno is also, technically, an orphan as Bruce was. I've always imagined Bruce's voice to be kinda like Techno's, especially that monotone tone he uses, and especially when he's Batman and not Bruce Wayne. Bruce Wayne is -Bat-man and Technoblade is a pig, need I elaborate? Both of them seem to stay up till ungodly times of the day, and I'm sure their sleep schedules are never on the same clock as anyone else's, Bruce's because of his vigilante lifestyle and Techno because... well, he's a Minecraft YouTuber. Both of them have a father figure, although not biological. They also have a friendly rivalry with a fellow content creator/hero (Cough Dream/Superman cough). We say Dick/Wilbur is dramatic, but you can't possibly mean to tell me Batman/Technoblade isn’t subtly more dramatic. They practically invented being dramatic in their respective businesses.

Alfred Pennyworth/Philza Minecraft: Is the father figure to Batman/Technoblade. Is really a force of chaos but everyone pictures them as a soft, loving dad because we all have parental issues and we need more father figures. Both of them are very badass in their own ways. Old and British. Here's a parallel I thought was pretty cool. Philza had been building up his hardcore world for 5 years before he died. It was like his home disappeared in front of his eyes as he fell away from his life. I'm not sure which continuity/arc this is from (Please do not hate on me, I am but a small child) bUT I do know that Alfred died of a heart attack/stroke at the same time the Wayne Manor was destroyed. His home was destroyed as he died. Just as Philza's had been.

Damian Wayne/TommyInnit: Is never really loved by anyone at first glance (From the fandoms). Tommy's the loud, annoying one, Damian's the grouchy, haughty one. But everyone eventually gravitates towards their characters later on. Their families were wary of them at first but grew to love them. Both of them are the youngest, and generally angriest child. Both are not American, Tommy being British and Damian, Arabic. They both have ICONIC mothers. MotherInnit is a queen, we all know this. If she can handle Tommy, she can handle absolutely anything. Talia Al Ghul has a reputation of her own right, and while she hasn't quite the pristine repertoire, she definitely strikes a strong mark on people. Now, this is a dumb connection between the two, but hair!! Tommy’s seems nice and floofy while Damian's is generally drawn spiky, and I think that's a cool contrast. Their love for pets is also important to note. Tommy's the one that's known for starting wars over the deaths of his pets, and it's easy to know that Damian wouldn't hesitate to hurt someone if they did anything to Titus or Batcow. It’s been shown on multiple occasions that he loves his pets a lot.

Jon Kent/Tubbo_: Best friends with Tommy/Damian. Do not try to argue that Jon and Damian aren't best friends because come onnn. And PLEASE do not take this as a dumb excuse to ship Tommy and Tubbo, as I know people ship Dami and Jon. Both are the embodiment of chaos wrapped in kindness, and both are definitely the more stable of their friendship with the other gremlin children. I am confident that both would probably refer to their parents as mother and father dearest. You cannot convince me otherwise. Tubbo has already done so, and Jon would never disrespect his parents, so this would obviously be the next best alternative for when he is upset by them. Jon’s powers fluctuate upon shifts in emotion and he can’t really control his powers, like the shifting of Tubbo’s alter egos. We never know when Toob or Big Law will creep out of the shadows.

Dick Grayson/Wilbur Soot: (Second) most dramatic in the family, though perceived as the drama queen because of their boisterous personalities. The one that was probably a theatre kid in school. The lighthearted one that keeps everyone cheerful, but also the one with the easiest path to a horrid descent into madness. They have a flair for drama, the glitter and sparkles to Batman/Technoblade’s sombre smoke and haze, which is why they work together so well. The closest family member to Tommy/Damian. Their little brother/big brother dynamics are just impeccable. Both are the most simped for by their respective fanbases (from what I’ve seen). The token pretty boys. Both artistically talented in different ways, with Wilbur’s music and Dick’s acrobatic skills. Also the ones that get constantly shipped with every woman they literally even look at. They also express their dramatic tendencies through their clothes, Dick with his jazzy Discowing suit and Wilbur’s dramatic L’manburg outfit.

Superman/Dream: The OP gods, need I say more? Friendly rivals with Technoblade/Batman. Very often perceived as ‘Perfect’ which they are not, but many refuse to accept that. A funny parallel I drew was the fact that both of them are famous in their own rights, but can just walk around and not get recognised despite millions of people knowing their online/superhero identities. Both are technically not human.

Stephanie (Batgirl/Spoiler)/Sapnap: Both of their names start with S! Not my only reasoning, but I’ll take it into account anyway. Both are basic looking in my head (Blue eyes blonde hair for Steph?? There’s at least 3 other girls that look EXACTLY like her in the nearby DC universes. And Sapnap blends in with every other white boy, though I love him regardless.) but both also have immaculate personalities to make up for it. They’re the most normal people out of all their co-streamers/superheroes in my eyes, also my favourites. (I didn’t realise as I put them together that I loved them most but here we are). They’re both great at dumb banter. They don’t have huge, hilarious bits often or any constant jokes that are pulled on time and time again, but their general atmosphere makes everything seem like a joke. They may not be the best at what they do in their friend groups but are actually really good nonetheless and do not get due credit for their effort and talent sometimes. Has a warring relationship with Damian/Tommy (Sapnap over the pets and Steph and Dami didn’t have the most friendly relationship at the start)

Jason/BBH- Same but opposite but same. Exists to cause chaos. I wouldn’t have associated these two with each other till the Badlands became a thing… but then the Badlands became a thing and I had to. Now, I know that technically Bad doesn’t have a grudge against Techno, but Jason would totally set up a whole empire just to mess with Bruce’s plans, just to get in the way, to instigate, to fan the flames of the fire till he’s driven Bruce to his breaking point. Bad isn’t exactly trying to do that, but he’s only around for the chaos. He’s only here for his own benefit, and he’s only here for that because of the hurt caused to him by the nation he came from. A parallel being Jason causing havoc because of the pain Bruce caused him. Besides, both have a cool red and black colour scheme, and both wear jacket!! Both are also technically not alive (If we're considering BBH as a demon).

Roy Harper/Skeppy: I have absolutely no explanation for this, but it just Fits. Besides, they have cool opposing colour schemes and are best friends with BBH/Jason!!

Aaaand last but not least

Jason/Technoblade: Now you must be thinking But Kaly you already spoke about them! And yes, I did, and they do go really well with their respective characters but I couldn’t simply ignore the connection between these two, so I thought I might as well write about it. Technoblade was an English major (If I remember correctly) before he dropped out to pursue his youtube career. Jason, though this may not be a well-known fact, was a definite literature nerd at school before he met his demise. Their cut off education in English is an interesting parallel to me. Both of them also have destructive tendencies, with Technoblade being an anarchist and Jason periodically running an underground empire to make sure he can do whatever the hell he wants to. They don’t generally care who they hurt on their way to reach their end goal. Jason’s reckless shooting and killing clearly shows this, as he continuously justifies his actions by saying he’s ending crime rather than just making it wait in line for its turn to pop up again, while Technoblade’s release of the withers and excessive use of his firework crossbow clearly shows that the deaths of the residents of L’manburg do not matter to him as long as he abolishes the government.

[whereflowersbloom]

Hypermarket adventure

When Tim Drake woke up that morning he had no idea he would have to buy a new coffee maker because the one they had was unusually broken. Damian Wayne. A faint headache pounding behind his temples as Tim massaged them, exhaustion sinking deep in his bones, and wonders how long it's been since he had more than four hours of sleep. Damian was responsible for this, one of his secret schemes to make him stop consuming caffeine. Tim was sure it was his fault, so the broken coffee maker refused to give him the fluid of life and he had lost it...and maybe Tim destroyed it with vicious vengeance. In his defense, he had been up for more than twenty-four hours. Sleep later coffee first.

So naturally he announced to Alfred he would be making a quick trip to the store to get a new one, politely asked the British man if he required anything from the store. Alfred seemed to consider the offer for a solid minute before asking him if he could get some groceries and essentials on his way back home. Handing him a list. Before he walked out of the manor Dick volunteered affably to accompany him, convincing a grumpy Jason, who was comfortably sitting, reading a wrinkled newspaper, to tag along. Jason surprisingly agreed, with the condition he was the one driving. Alfred rapidly suggested to take the demon spawn with them, he could use some frest air. Now things could only go downhill from this point. This piqued Steph’s interest, who casually commented she had nothing better to do. Soon they were on their way to the closest hypermarket.

Dick was there to make sure Damian didn’t behead anyone and get enough boxes of cereal he could hide before Alfred looked at him with disappointed eyes. There’s nothing worse in this world than Alfred’s disappointed eyes. The old man claimed ‘It’s not a proper meal nor healthy if it contained high levels of sugar’, but the companies also tended to fill them with vitamins, calcium, iron and folic acid. Therefore it was a fortified food! It had everything he needed for a balanced meal in Dick’s opinion. The extra sugar was even good for him considering how many calories he burned.

“The sword stays in the car, Damian.” Dick commanded, taking away the blade from twelves earth-old before he sets a foot out of the automobile, which was responded by a ‘TT’.

“Did we really have to bring shortstack?” Jason complained, voice etched with irritation, index finger pointing at Damian.

“As if I would agree to lower my nutritional standards because you fools failed to purchase the provisions Pennyworth demanded which is why I have it in my power.” Damian logically explained, grinding his teeth and waving the list at Jason.

“Don’t stab anyone.” Dick ordered with authority.

“I make no promises, Grayson.” Damian muttered dryly crossing his arms over his chest.

Damian cannot comprehend why would Pennyworth think he was needed to carry out such a simple task, he supposed if his siblings lacked the basic function acquire the list of edibles Alfred gave them and simultaneously behave in public, then he could supervise them. He was already here with them. Nothing to do about it.

“Did anyone asked Cass if she needed anything?” Dick questioned them, clear blue eyes looking at them expectantly. Cass was probably still in her bedroom resting, after staying up with him analyzing some cases.

“Oh how thoutful of you. You weren’t that nice to me, not even after I died.” Jason commented, his voice dripping with sarcasm and bitterness.

“Jay, you gotta stop bringing it up.” Dick reasoned as he placed a hand upon Jason’s shoulder, offering a small apologetic smile.

For once, Damian was quiet, observing the older brothers bicker over such a insignificant matter. Stephanie stifled a snort at their immature antics. A muffled ‘crybaby’ escaped her mouth, but only Tim, standing next to her was able to hear it.

It took everything Tim had not to roll his eyes and simply walk away. Why was he here with these troublemakers? Right. Coffee. The thing she had to endure for a duo of black coffee.

“I texted Cass. She wants pop tarts.” Stephanie supplied, eye glued to the screen of her phone.

“If you get lost. I’m leaving you here, losers.” Jason threatened with narrowed eyes, a faint glow in his blue-green eyes. Five minutes after parking the car, the siblings marched inside the hypermarket. Tim sighed wearily, silent calculations running through his mind, how long it would take them to leave the store with the groceries. Dick promptly grabbed a shopping cart.

~~~

Jason Todd was ready to shoot Dick Grayson if only he had a gun between his hands. Why the fuck did he even agree to come with these lil shits? Clearly, he wasn’t in his right mind. He was doing this for Alfred and Jason could never say no to Alfred. It was an easy task: read the list of essentials Alfred wrote down, grab the items, deposit them inside the fucking cart and pay for them. Piece of cake. But here he was in the middle of dairy aisle, listening to Dick asking him all sort of stupid questions. His patience dangerously wearing thin.

“Why is milk five dollars a gallon?” Dick exclaimed with shock as he examined the dairy product’s label.

“Who cares? You’re rich, money shouldn’t be a problem, dickhead.” Jason replied annoyed, there goes ten minutes of his life, stuck in the dairy aisle with this enthusiastic fool. Where did Damian and Steph go? Dick had thrown several boxes of cereal inside the cart, including: Cheerios and Waffle crisps, the latter was Steph’s petition. Who in the bloody hell needed fifteen boxes of cereal? Wait a minute, is that coffee flakes? That one had to be Tim’s idea.

“How do you exactly milk an almond though?” Dick asked with furrowed Brows, concentrated on the product, as If he was trying to decipher a secret code.

The desperation and bewilderment in Dick’s voice made a Jason raise an eyebrow. He would kill for a quick smoke. Not like he was seriously considering smoking inside the store. He could wait a few more minutes.

“I’ll explain out to you when you finally become a functional adult.” Jason breathed. Around them, the store buzzed, bright lights shining above and people murmuring and talking, nobody had recognized them so far. Even Jason felt a twinge of irritation at being here, and he wanted to get this shopping trip over with so he could go home.

“Who wants bacon?” Stephanie came out of nowhere, asking with a juvenile glee in her eyes as she dumped ten packs of bacon. Damian wouldn’t be happy about this.

“Where is the gremlin? We should have put him inside the cart.” Jason tried to keep a calm voice, looking around for any sign of little D. Jason had a bad feeling about this, settling at the pit of his stomach. He let out a deep breath and decided it was the moment to have that cig. So two missing, Damian and Tim. There it was that nagging voice was a constant in the back of his mind, reminding him of his responsibility, look after adoptive relatives.

“Steph, make sure replacement didn’t fall asleep at the Kitchen appliances section.” Jason commanded. “Dick, it’s your turn to supervise the rascals.” Slowly making his way towards the alcohol section, he could use a drink right now. Now, find an unpacked corner where he can have a smoke.

“What?” Dick exclaimed, suddenly finding himself alone in the dairy section. Where did everyone go?

~~~

Dick was passing by the cereal aisle again, because you can never have enough cereal. Perhaps he should get more lucky charms? Cinnamon toast was a must. Nobody in this family understood the enjoyment of ingesting artificially colored cereal. He was about to grab another box of fruity pebbles, lost in the paradise of cocoa, cinnamon and colored cereals, when abruptly a feminine voice brought him back to earth. He turned to catch a glimpse, eyes focused on the petite woman: average height, brunette, mid-twenties, freckled-cheeks, small gray eyes widened in irritation. This looked like trouble. What did he do?

“Excuse me, sir. Is this kid your little brother? We caught him bothering other customers at the meat section.” The petite employee questioned him with raised eyebrows, hands on her hips. Dick blinked puzzled. What. He kept his eyes fixed on the woman.

“When I asked if he was here accompanied by an adult. He pointed a finger at you.” Dick spotted then Damian, standing next to the woman, lips pursed, arms folded against his chest, glancing away, fleetingly looking younger than he actually was. Like a small child who was severely reprimanded for inappropriate behavior. What the hell Damian...

“I merely reminded him the innocent chicken between his hands deserved a life free from torture and suffering. We have the moral responsibility to protect animals!” Damian spoke plainly as he corrected the woman who dared accuse him of harassment.

“Damian, sto-“ Richard chimed in when he was interrupted by Damian’s animals rights speech.

“Allowing an animal to suffer is unethical and cruel. It’s slaughter! You are causing them unnecessary distress. Their throats are slit mercilessly! All animals have the ability to suffer in the same way and to the same degree that humans do.” The young Wayne continued, grumpily making eye contact with the uninformed store employee. Blue eye flicked between the two, the brunette seemed to be about to explode, Damian’s body language tightened, there was a crackling in the air and Dick instantly knew it was not going to end well. Shit. He ruffled his hair nervously.

“Damian no.” He pleaded urgently. Beads of sweat running down his forehead and cheekbones.

“Sir, could you please take your younger brother? Customers are agitated and perturbed by his presence.” The employee politely asked him but Dick could tell she was utterly irked at this point. Dick nodded and draped an arm over his little brother’s shoulders. Yeah, he was definitely taking him far, far away from her. Praying Damian kept his mouth shut and didn’t screw up even more. Predictably, Damian didn’t leave it alone.

“Again, as I explained earlier. I was elaborating on the numerous health and environment benefits of adopting a vegetarian diet.” Damian corrected her with trembling lips, green eyes filled with anger. This woman didn’t comprehend the great importance of saving an innocent life. Tsk. Father said even if someone is being disrespectful or crude he should not sink to their level, but this lady was being rude.

“Aren’t you one of Bruce Wayne’s ward?” The woman spoke with narrowed gray eyes, taking a step closer to Richard, studying closely the features of the older man.

Oh fuck. Unfortunately, she recognized them. Dick held up both hands defensively.

“I am the blood s-“ Damian was about to clarify when Dick rapidly covered his mouth with a large hand. “We are leaving now, Damian. Thank you, lady. Have a nice day.” He muttered hurriedly before running off.

~~~

Finally, Tim was getting in line for the cashier, the precious coffee maker in his arms, he could make himself a decent cup of black coffee as soon as they got home. A satisfied smile almost curled on his lips when he recognized the familiar sound of his siblings yelling, if his ears didn’t fail him and they never did. Oh no. Tim held a stiff nervous expression as he slowly turned to face them. He quickly scanned the scene, eyes wide in alarm. Remain calm Tim. Stephanie being escorted by a security guard, clothes stained, next was Jason groaning at the guard that tried to touch his leather jacket, followed by an embarrassed Dick with flushed cheeks, lastly Damian being dragged against his will. “Let me go! I can walk out of this questionable establishment myself.” Damian protested with boiling anger, glaring daggers at the security guards. His sword was inside the car. Good. No opportunity to behead anyone and commit a crime. Jason and Stephanie were clearly pissed. Dick pressing his face against a wall, undoubtedly ashamed.

Tim momentarily contemplated leaving the store with the coffee maker, a few seconds later, he couldn’t find it in him to abandon them to their fate here. Sigh. With the heavy weigh of his burdens, Tim approached a female employee. “Excuse me, those are my siblings. Could you explain to me what exactly they did?”

“Sir, this young lady here organized a shopping cart race along with some children in the middle of the vegetable section.” The angry store employee began, detecting unfiltered rage in her tone, as she pointed a finger at the blonde teenager.

“I did nothing Jason wouldn’t have done.” Stephanie told him, briefly exchanging glances with Jason. Jason bit down on his lower lip to repress laughter, whispering an almost inaudible ‘amateur’. Stephanie shrugged it off as it was unimportant, instead of trying to come up with an excuse that contained any sense of logic.

“This man was deliberately smoking inside the store.” Tim studied Jason’s amused expression. Probably not the first time he was caught doing it. “I mean she isn’t wrong.” He pointed out calmly, Shrugging broad shoulders nonchalantly.

“I found the kid tormenting customers at the meat aisle, he fled with the man with cereal fixation.” Before Damian could utter a word in his defense. Dick shut his mouth. Richard’s eyes silently expressing a wordless ‘don’t ask’. Tim was way too exhausted to deal with this. His body shaking with small movements for a second, stay in control. No time to collapse, solutions not more problems.

“Sir, I’m going to have to ask you and the rest of your relative to leave the store. And please do not come back.”

Tim fluttered his dark cerulean eyes close, feeling a very sharp pain in his temples. A recurrent migraine coming, cursing lowly for not stopping at the pharmacy to get aspirins. How is that he is the only rational and almost-functional person in this family. Coffee, coffee, coffee was the only thing he could think about. Less than fifty minutes and the Wayne’s discovered a way to get themselves banned from a Hypermarket. Likely setting a new world record.

Looks like they wouldn’t have the chance to go grocery shopping as a family any time soon. Not like it was a brilliant idea to begin with. They would have groceries delivered next time.

Here @sofiii 👀👀👀👀🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️

[pluckyredhead]

A Guide to the Super Sons, Part 1: Damian Wayne (Robin)

Y’all, I have lost weeks of my life to this Jon Kent/Damian Wayne obsession, and by God I’m taking some of you down with me. In the interests of tricking convincing some of my followers to get on board, I offer a three part series to give you the basics on these boys.

(Daredevil 101 fans, don’t worry - that series is still very much happening. I’m in it as long as Matt is, heaven help us all.)

Anyway! First up is Damian Wayne, a.k.a. Robin, son of Batman. This is Damian:

Aw, he’s so grumpy! *ruffles his hair, is immediately stabbed to death*

Biography:

Damian is the son of Bruce Wayne and Talia al Ghul, the daughter of Ra’s al Ghul. If you’re not familiar with Ra’s, he is this drama llama, originally introduced in the 70s:

Ra’s is a criminal mastermind who wants to conquer the world and kill off most of humanity, sort of for environmentalist reasons but mostly because no one appreciates his facial hair enough. He is hundreds of years old, and keeps himself alive and, uh, virile via the use of mystical pools called Lazarus Pits. He has a few children but the original and most important was his daughter Talia. Since Talia couldn’t possibly be Ra’s heir and take over his League of Assassins due to her debilitating case of being a woman, Ra’s decided she should marry the only man worthy of being his successor: Batman.

Talia was on board. Bruce was less into the assassin-y bits, but totally up for this iconically hairy kiss:

Talia, that blouse is amazing.

Decades passed. Ra’s continued to scheme. Talia became more independent and fascinatingly amoral before abruptly going full-on Crazy Bitch Supervillain, because comics are horrible. And then, in 2006, Talia suddenly introduced Bruce to their son:

There’s my horrible little gremlin!

Canon is inconsistent about whether or not Damian’s conception was consensual (and unsurprisingly, the comics don’t handle the possibility that Bruce was raped very well, in that it’s never acknowledged as rape), but either way, he was incubated in a tank and genetically designed to be the perfect heir to both the Waynes and the al Ghuls. Upon his “birth,” he was trained by Talia and the League of Assassins to be a vicious killing machine.

Thus, when he meets Bruce, he is ten years old and the most arrogant, entitled, violent little monster imaginable. It is not the greatest meeting!

It’s important to note at this point that Damian would eventually become the fifth Robin. The previous Robins are, in order:

Dick Grayson, a.k.a. the one you’ve probably heard of or seen in a cartoon or movie. Former circus acrobat, delightful, thotty. Grew up to become Nightwing.

Jason Todd. Was murdered by the Joker, came back to life as a supervillain, chilled out and is now basically an antihero. Goes by Red Hood. Murderous, sarcastic, also thotty.

Tim Drake. Graduated to being Red Robin, but recently changed his codename to Drake, which is just his actual name, which is stupid so we’re ignoring it. Smart, neurotic, not thotty.

Stephanie Brown. THE BEST ONE!!! Originally Spoiler, then Robin, then died, then turned out not to be dead, then Batgirl. Then DC decided she had never counted as Robin because girls are illegal, so she’s back to being Spoiler. Spunky, determined, not thotty but someone should probably tell her that she likes girls and her boyfriend (Tim) doesn’t.

(Damian is too young for a thottiness call but he doesn’t really like other people very much so I’m making a prediction of Not Thotty.)

Damian does not understand why his father has three lesser Robins/adopted sons and promptly attempts to murder Tim. Bruce, faced with a challenging family situation, maturely deals with the problem by dying. (Sort of. It’s complicated.) Then Jason tries to murder Damian. What a fun family!

Dick takes on the mantle of Batman in the wake of Bruce’s (temporary) death and, seeing potential in this tiny murder gremlin, makes Damian his Robin. Damian IMMEDIATELY drops a “You’re not my real dad” because he knows his tropes:

(I’m sorry his face is so lumpy here. People really like Frank Quitely’s art and I cannot comprehend why.)

Unlike Bruce, Dick is actually a friendly person who is in touch with his emotions, and, with Alfred’s help, he manages to tame Damian into being...well, still a brat, but a brat with his heart in roughly the right place.

😭

Eventually Bruce comes back and Damian switches over to being his Robin instead of Dick’s. They struggle to relate to each other, especially since Damian, um, murders a couple of people on his behalf. I mean, they are both really bad dudes who are going to kill Bruce, but, you know. He’s still a 10 year old child doing murders. Because he loves his daddy! But still.

Eventually Talia has had enough of her disobedient son, so she takes one of her many backup clones of him and grows him into a horrifying baby-faced adult-bodied thing called the Heretic and sics him on Damian. Bruce goes to fight him and tells Damian to stay in the cave. Damian does not stay in the cave.

LOOK AT MY DEFIANT ARROGANT BABY, STAGGERING ON FULL OF ARROWS ALL BOROMIR-STYLE. Actually that’s really fucked up.

The Heretic kills Damian. Bruce spends like a year increasingly flipping his shit, especially after Damian’s body is stolen first by Ra’s al Ghul, then by a minion of Darkseid (evil god ruler of a dystopian planet). Bruce steals Damian back and also figures out how to resurrect him along the way.

I’M NOT CRYING YOU’RE CRYING.

Having been given a new lease on life, Damian spends some time atoning for the cruel acts he committed before he became Robin, and then forms a new iteration of the Teen Titans:

(I love this lineup SO MUCH. Also please note a) GENDER PARITY and b) the only white person on this team is Crush, who is a space alien and thus not actually a white person except in the most literal sense.)

Damian is currently 13 years old. He stars in the Teen Titans book and of course frequently appears across the Batbooks, where right now he’s primarily mourning the dead of his (unofficially adoptive) grandfather, Alfred, for which he blames himself, because no trauma is too severe for DC to put Damian through. One time they removed his whole spine. (Also, Alfred will obviously be back eventually. He’s Alfred.)

Personality:

Damian was raised to believe he would conquer the earth - his name means “to tame" and he knows it - and thus while he no longer plans to do so, he’s still incredibly arrogant, entitled, and imperious. He’s also incredibly intelligent and skilled and knows it, which means that a) he’s super rude and snobby about it all the time and b) he often fucks up because he assumes that if he’s doing something, it must be the intelligent thing to do simply because he is intelligent. (He gets that last part from his dad.)

Damian is extremely proud of both of his lineages, especially the Wayne side, and intensely protective of the Batman and Robin legacies. He is fiercely loyal to his father’s side of the family and is slowly, painfully learning to forgive his past enemies and himself. He inclines towards ruthlessness 9 out of 10 times, but that 10th time he’ll break your heart with a sudden moment of compassion.

He loves animals and has a menagerie of pets in the Batcave that includes Titus the dog, Alfred the cat (yes, named after the butler), and Bat-Cow the, um, cow.

There’s also Goliath, his giant bat dragon. Think Appa but with a much darker and more upsetting backstory:

Relationships:

Bruce: Damian utterly adores and hero-worships his father, even if he spends much of his time disobeying orders and sassing him. He clearly thinks Bruce could move mountains if he tried. It’s adorable and heartbreaking.

Talia: Damian spent much of his existence utterly rejecting Talia, but to be fair, she was utterly rejectable. Recent comics have blessedly retconned her to back to her interestingly amoral personality and made it clear that she does in fact truly love Damian, which means he’s in the much more complicated position of having to figure out how he feels about her. He’s not quite there yet.

Ra’s al Ghul: Not a fan. Outwardly he’s very coldly dismissive of Ra’s, but secretly I think he’s pretty scared of him, and of getting pulled back into that world. (Also one time Ra’s creepily attempted to steal Damian’s body and wear it like a people suit, so, uh, not his favorite grandpa!)

Alfred: One of the very few people he could be emotionally vulnerable with (sometimes). They love(d) each other dearly.

Dick: One of the other very few people he can be emotionally vulnerable with. They’ve got that “oldest and youngest sibling in a big family who are far apart enough in age that they don’t usually fight and aren’t threatened by each other” vibe.

Jason and Tim: Bickers with them both constantly (as Jason and Tim do with each other) but hasn’t tried to murder either of them in years. Bruce is very proud.

Barbara, Cass, and Steph: Damian tends to scoff at the assorted Batgirls but begrudgingly kinda likes them.

Maya Ducard: Damian has exactly three (3) friends, so Maya is in elite company. Her father was an assassin who is also incidentally one of the people Damian murdered to protect Bruce (whoops). Maya came after him to avenge her father’s death but they wound up befriending each other instead. It’s a very intense friendship with occasional prepubescent almost-romantic vibes but they also refer to each other as honorary brother and sister so who knows.

Colin Wilkes: Friend #2! He’s an orphan who can turn into a big smashy guy, Hulk-style. They’re bros.

The Titans: He is not particularly close with most of his teammates, but definitely shares a wavelength with Red Arrow, who is also the daughter of an assassin (noticing a theme here?). He might have a crush on her, but he also definitely kind of has a thing with Djinn, a 4,000-year-old genie who looks like a 13-year-old girl...but Djinn also kind of has a thing with Crush, the teenage alien biker chick. Teen Titans is currently doing a really good job of “all of these teenagers are spending way too much time together and no one has figured out their sexualities yet and they all have crushes on each other and it’s very complicated and sweaty.”

...And of course, Friend #3, Jon Kent. But we’ll get to him in Part 2!