#scheduling this for personal mental health reasons
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Should probably note this is half a fan account for my friend's doodles in our dms because we mutually send each other art. They sent this and ive been insane im eating rocks turn me into a cucumber and an avocado everyone LOOOK. I am scheduling this for later but oh my god oh my god oh my god
#emilerick#fredmil#nothing interesting besides me losing my shit#i love them#friend's art#scheduling this for personal mental health reasons#I've been more responsive than id like to be#sorry they are such a comfort to me and im very glad my friend is doing well#and ada<3333#aaaaaaaa#i love when everyone is pals with everyone else#the florian annie and mike cameos#very good for me#emilerick kissed yall
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Also it feels so good to be taking classes again even though the subject is human development and at-home care instead of literature or religion. I'm nervous about the practical skills exams, especially for very personal tasks, but I'm just going to do my best and leave it at that.
#a sock speaks#work tag#I'm working for 2 clients this month. scheduling around my training#a lot of it is shopping and errands which is a lot of fun for me#but also it forces me to practice driving with a passenger and parking in tricky places. I make a lot of mistakes but it's been good for me#one major reason I considered this job is that I knew it would push me to learn life skills#I'm so so scared of violating HIPAA or getting into a car accident with a client in the car or accidentally getting a client sick or or or#but it's good to face my fears. this is through. this is the way out.#I've also had the thought that this training will help me be prepared as my parents age. they're in their mid sixties now#and will probably both need to retire soon. I want them to be able to relax and only work if they want to#I don't want to panic if/when they need care. I want to be capable of taking on responsibility when needed.#I feel so much more like a real adult in this job. I think some of my work anxiety is learned#like I start out anxious in a new job or school program bc I'm new. but then I stay anxious bc I've learned that anxious is how to feel#in that role#but so far I'm doing better at staying calm and treating myself more like an adult#and other people also seem to be treating me more like a real adult. please please please let this be transferable to other contexts.#local construction#my mental health has also been decent so far this month despite the intensely busy schedule#I'm really thankful for that. far less stressful caring for one person at a time than bouncing between 2-6 tables at a time
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little life update/rant below :)
i feel like i've been so inactive lately which makes me big sad, but when i say i have not had the time, i'm being so serious. yesterday i literally woke up, went into work an hour early, stayed after for almost 2 hours, went home, made dinner, and immediately sat down to work on a grad school assignment and then had to work for another hour before i went to bed. then i woke up this morning and did it all again. it just feels like that's how my days look more and more recently, and it's been really hard tbh. it's demoralizing and just sad to work all day and still wake up the next day wishing i had done more, still with a mile long to do list, and knowing that it's just going to keep being this way for at least the next couple weeks.
anyways all of this is to say that i'm just both really grateful for and sorry to all my mutuals who have continued to tag me in things and stuff in the past couple weeks :) it may sound weird or dumb, but if i'm being honest i have SERIOUS fandom fomo right now, and, even though i haven't really had time recently, it's been nice to not feel like lost in the shuffle or forgotten (i told u it was going to sound weird).
being on tumblr/in fandom has truly been the most incredible escape and been such a stress relief and source of happiness for me. i'm still very much here, just lurking and liking more because i'm conserving brain bandwidth as much as possible during the week!!!!
#to get more personal in the tags i started going to therapy#i've never had good experiences in the past#but it's going really well so far#and i'm proud of myself for making the time even when i've been so busy#i've also stayed consistent w my gym schedule which is so important for my mental and physical health#so like. i am doing things other than working#but i just don't have as much time to do little fun things rn#also in case anyone cared the reason i'm so busy at work is because on top of just having a busy job generally#i'm also a glutton for pain and i run our student government#and homecoming is next week#and it's just..........so much stuff to do#so many emails to send so much to coordinate so many people to please#but it's almost over!#just have to make it through a 60 hour work week next week and i'll be fine#ALSO i keep forgetting it's my birthday next week#will lowkey be the worst birthday of my life but oh well 26 is a lame birthday anyway#personal
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in terms of art alone im sorry. im a jrjr defender to my last breath you be fucking nice to him. i dont wanna hear shit❗️❗️❗️
#can someone also get him better inkers rn i am begging. pleading even. HE MAKES GOOD STUFF THEY JUST GIVE HIM SHIT INKERS WHO DONT GET IT.#MY FIRM BELIEF. im sorry. i like his stuff. there are certain things not quite my taste but i think he does good overall im a fan. BE NICE#static.soundz#sorry that last post was so directly inspired by seeing someone go can u guys be nice he is on a fucking nutbag schedule. which he is.#i dont think some people understand the insanity of comic production. and how much it takes a toll on you.#many have said and i will say it too: comics is a killing industry. it is a beautiful fun job. it is fulfilling. it will also destroy you.#the most common and easiest to use example is in fact the manga industry. they want chapters in a week. 20 page type chapters in a week.#A WEEK!!! and currently look at things like webtoon as well which also expect the same amount of pages. in a week. an issue in a week#is an insane demand. it is an unreasonable demand. it is scheduling that leads you to a crash and burnout and health issues#because it is fully finished polished pages. as much as i poke and complain about how some things look there#i am also highly aware of production schedules. even if some styles are not my taste that still doesnt mean it isnt insane work#and it's the same in american big industry comics too. it isnt weekly demand the way those are. but it's still an intense schedule#you are working on pages and can get behind years before those comics even hit shelves.#and as it becomes more individualized too as we lose the team element and work becomes more one person doing all pencils and inks#that schedule is a lot. it just is. it doesnt matter if theres more time in comparison to other parts of the industry#the point is that it is all very demanding and exploitative. there is a drive yourself to your grave mentality here and i've had ppl try#to shove that mindset onto my and my peers which is the worst thing possible to encourage. highly alarming and disheartening to encourage#impressionable students already so worried about making it to drive themselves to an early grave. abuse substances to get through work.#work excessive hours while you still can because when you hit your 30s youre gonna lose that ability#become bitter and prepared for rejection as opposed to success because this industry sucks!#it's just such an unhealthy depressing mindset. i've had more artists preach the exact opposite as that and more ppl have been trying to#shift over to valuing your time and health. but still a lot of people are in that other mentality. and it's very very very sad.#i am only a student doing very low stakes homework for classes. i have no industry experience. and i still get it taken out of me#to do fully fledged out pages in my style in one week. this is also just a thing for me bc certain personal factors just make it hard#but still. comics are fun. they are fun. they are fulfilling. they will lead you to so many fucking issues if you are not highly careful#there is a reason why so so so many fucking comic artists have very well known issues. why you hear about so many ppl with substance issues#artists with very poor mental health. when you are in comics this is how it is.#i am glad there has been a big shift in recent years towards taking care of yourself as an artist. and that more ppl try to value it so tha#things can hopefully change at large in a broader sense. but please remember. we are an exploited chew up spit out industry too.
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Hospital Lengths of Stay
I think people outside the USA severely overestimate how long hospital stays are here.
Like, appendectomy, right? That's maybe 24-36 hours door-to-door if there's no complications. If the appendix actually burst it might be 3 days, but only because they're giving you IV antibiotics and setting up home care to do that at home would take longer than just keeping you in the hospital.
A scheduled surgery like a hysterectomy, cholecystectomy, mastectomy, or anything else they can do laparoscopically (though small "keyhole" incisions)? You're probably not staying overnight at all.
Planned surgeries that need some kind of after care (like bariatric surgery, knee replacements, hip replacements, total vaginal hysterectomies, bladder lifts, etc...) would be usually 1-3 days.
Minor heart attack? 2-3 days.
Fracture and surgical repair of a large bone (like the femur)? About 2-3 days.
What about the exacerbation of a chronic illness like asthma, COPD, heart failure, or hypertension? IF they admit you (not just stabilize and discharge from the emergency department), it will be generally less than about 3-5 days.
Gunshot wound to the abdomen with surgery to repair things? 3-5 days.
And a stroke, sepsis, gunshot wound to the chest, or major heart attack? That would be somewhere in the 5-7 day range.
Severe trauma with multiple severely broken bones and relatively extensive surgery? This might be somewhat longer, but usually for nursing and pain control reasons rather than the surgery or injuries themselves. 1-3 weeks would be usual.
In the hospital for a mental health reason like decompensated schizophrenia or major depression? A little less than a week is normal, though some people stay several weeks if medications aren't working well.
The people who stay in hospitals for weeks or months typically have whole systems that don't work, or are waiting for a major organ transplant. For example, I had a patient once whose entire abdomen was open and couldn't be closed surgically. She was on TPN (IV nutrition) and IV antibiotics and needed massive amounts of wound care done every hour or so because her intestinal contents were spilling out of her open abdomen. She was there for months and ultimately didn't make it.
Are there people who stay longer than these cases? Of course! These are just averages pulled from medicaid data and personal experiences, based on patients who are coming in relatively healthy. Patients who have other significant health problems usually stay longer than patients who come in with a single problem.
But if you are otherwise healthy except for the reason you came into the hospital, unless you fell off a building or were in a massive car accident you are probably not staying in the hospital very long at all.
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Some say not needing human interaction every day is character flaw, that it means one is broken and in desperate need of fixing.
I consider myself at my healthiest and happiest when I'm not constantly stressed and frustrated by daily "What's up?"s I need to keep up with. I like my friends, sure, but I prefer them with a little distance between us.
#I'm so cool and interesting#I don't need manners I manipulate people to do what I want#I'm very sexy have 6000 of my selfies#My best friends might not hold me in the same regard but they are those who can drop of the face of the planet for some time between convos#and when we do converse it's like nothing's changed#I recently met someone whom I told I was going to go a little MIA during my short trip home and they texted me every. single. day.#which just stressed me out because I was busy having a life at home and trying to fix my sleeping schedule#which then culminated in me dreading their texts and getting anxious when I received them which DID lessen my enjoyment of my family time#Which is absolutely criminal since they knew I wanted to spend as much time as possible with grandma because she isn't very well#That ended up culminating in them accusing me of being irritable for no reason and debating my mental health#and me snapping in the stress of moving back into my dorm the evening before a 9AM class and asking for a break#it's been three days and I feel so free#so light#Like sure my time management skills are still shit. a lack of class hours and homework and a new hyperfixation tend to do that to people#but at the very least I'm not constantly worrying of what their problem is going to be now#You're exhausting me is what you are doing.#There's nothing wrong with them as a person we're just very different people with different values#and I find it hard to deal with the same frustrating conversations every other day
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History of “Lout of Count’s Family”
This compilation lists all real-life events related to the Korean novel, 백작가의 망나니가 되었다 (Lout of Count’s Family), in chronological order, but limited to the Korean and English-reading audiences.
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2018
April 9, 2018
The novel was first released as a free-to-read series on Munpia, a Korean web novel platform, under the title, 백작가의 망나니가 되었다 (I Became the Trash of the Count’s Family) by the author, Yoo Ryeo Han, under the Korean publisher, Chungeoram. It had a Mon-Sat release schedule of 6 chapters per week.
May 29, 2018
The novel became a pay-to-read series, owing to its popularity, as announced by the author on May 25. Its first cover illustration featured Cale and Raon.
Image 1. The first cover illustration of the novel.
July 26, 2018
The novel won both the Grand Prize and the Popularity Award at the 4th Korean Web Novel Contest co-hosted by Munpia and the Korean Popular Literature Writers Association. The author received a total of 105 million KRW (~$76,000), a plaque, and other special benefits.
Image 2. Yoo Ryeo Han (right) posing for the Grand Prize winner photo. The old woman in the left is either the author's relative or a contest holder representative.
“When I first started writing, it was a very difficult time for me, both physically and mentally, so when I heard about this contest, I decided to participate,” said Yoo Ryeo Han, the author of “I Became the Trash of the Count’s Family”, the grand prize-winning story, ”I won a great prize through this contest and it was a turning point in my life. I am grateful to Munpia for providing such a great opportunity.” Source: Munpia. (2018, July 31). Munpia Holds the 4th South Korean Web Novel Contest Award Ceremony. NewsWire.co.kr.https://www.newswire.co.kr/newsRead.php?no=873212
July 30, 2018
The novel was serialized on Naver Series, a Korean web novel platform.
September ??, 2018
WuxiaWorld, an English web novel translation publisher, began an English fan translation of the novel under the title “Trash of the Count’s Family” with MiracleRifle as the translator.
October 2, 2018
The novel was serialized on RIDI, a Korean web novel and ebook publisher.
October 15, 2018
The novel was serialized on KakaoPage, a Korean web novel platform.
October 18, 2018
The author announced a temporary hiatus because her mother had an accident, so she had to take care of her mother who would be undergoing surgery.
October 26, 2018
The novel was serialized on Joara, a Korean web novel platform.
October 29, 2018
The author announced a temporary change of the release schedule from 6 chapters per week (Mon-Sat) to 5 chapters per week (Mon-Fri) for 3 weeks. This was because she wanted to devote more time to taking care of her mother whose surgery went well. She also thanked her readers who left well wishes for her and her mother.
November 29, 2018
The author announced a 1-day hiatus because she had to take care of her mother’s hospital paperwork and stuff.
2019
January 2, 2019
The author announced a 1-day hiatus because she caught a cold. She also wished her fans a Happy New Year.
January 22, 2019
The author announced a temporary change of the release schedule from 6 chapters per week (Mon-Sat) to 5 chapters per week (Mon-Fri) for the next 2-3 months. She stated it was because of a temporary change in her work environment.
March 8, 2019
The author posted a brief character profile on Munpia.
Link: https://novel.munpia.com/113612/page/1/neSrl/2290020
April 1, 2019
The author announced that she would maintain the 5 chapters per week release schedule. She said that her mother’s full recovery and rehabilitation kept getting delayed, and there were also some personal matters, so she needed 2 days off a week.
May 29, 2019
The author announced a 1-day hiatus because of health reasons.
June 14, 2019
The author announced a 5-day hiatus because of headache and fever. She went to the hospital to get herself checked, and was diagnosed with meningitis.
July 4, 2019
The release schedule was permanently changed from 6 chapters per week (Mon-Sat) to 5 chapters per week (Mon-Fri). The author said that she wanted to improve her health as the previous release schedule tired her out.
August 13, 2019
The author announced a 1-day hiatus because of health reasons.
September 16, 2019
The author announced a 4-day hiatus because of health reasons.
November 11, 2019
The author announced a 3-day hiatus because of personal reasons and body aches.
December 17, 2019
The 2nd cover illustration of the novel was released, featuring Cale, Choi Han, Raon, Ohn, and Hong.
Image 3. The second cover illustration of the novel.
December 31, 2019
The author greeted her readers a happy new year, and also joked about her wrong estimation of the novel ending soon in 500 chapters.
2020
January 17, 2020
The author posted a note in celebration of the novel’s 500th chapter. She answered a few fan questions, and insisted that her dream was not to be a slacker.
January 29, 2020
The author announced a 1-day hiatus because of a stomach ache. She also greeted her readers who recently celebrated the Lunar New Year holiday.
February 19, 2020
The author announced a 1-day hiatus because of health reasons.
April 17, 2020
The author announced a 1-day hiatus because of difficulty in writing. She said that she was suffering from pain in her lower back, wrist, and fingers, making it hard for her to type on her right hand.
April 24, 2020
The author announced a 5-day hiatus because of health reasons.
June 2, 2020
The author announced a month-long hiatus because of family circumstances, which left her in not a good mood for writing.
June 29, 2020
The author announced a 1-month hiatus because of family circumstances. She stated that one of her family members was sick, and this was a very long-term battle, so she wanted to stay by their side until they had fully recovered.
August 5, 2020
The release schedule was permanently changed from 5 chapters per week (Mon-Fri) to 3 chapters per week (MWF). This was in relation to her sick family member’s situation last June 29.
August 26, 2020
Copin Comics, a Korean webtoon publisher and studio, first announced its webtoon adaptation of the novel.
August 31, 2020
Season 1 of the webtoon adaptation of the novel was released on KakaoPage and Copin Comics’s own website, with PAN4 as the artist.
October 28, 2020
The official English title, “Lout of Count’s Family”, made its first appearance in the event prizes given by RIDI. These prizes were stickers and cell phone ring holders featuring Raon, Ohn, and Hong. One needed to purchase 30,000 KRW worth of chapters to qualify for the event.
Image 4. The stickers and cell phone ring holders given in the event.
November 5, 2020
WuxiaWorld announced that it would cease its fan translations of the novel because the author herself turned down their offer to officially translate the novel in English, despite the fact that WuxiaWorld and Chungeoram were in the middle of negotiations.
Eat Apple Pies, a fan translation site, continued the English fan translation of the novel, with permission from MiracleRifle to host in their site the already-translated chapters that were in WuxiaWorld.
November 6, 2020
Adar Terra, a personal blog, began posting English chapter summaries of the novel starting from Part 1 Chapter 630.
December 15, 2020
Copin Comics released the official English translation of the webtoon adaptation under the title, “Lout of Count’s Family” on its English website.
2021
January 4, 2021
The author announced a 1-day hiatus because of personal reasons.
January 11, 2021
The novel won 2nd place in the 2020 Best Awards of Munpia.
Link: https://www.munpia.com/page/bestawards2020f
January 26, 2021
The author announced a month-long hiatus because of family, health, and personal reasons.
April 4, 2021
TappyToon, an English webtoon publisher, also released the official English translation of the webtoon adaptation on their website.
April 30, 2021
The author announced a 1-day hiatus because of personal reasons.
May 3, 2021
The author announced a 1-day hiatus because of personal reasons.
May 14, 2021
The 3rd cover illustration was released for the novel, featuring Cale and Kim Rok Soo.
Image 5. The third cover illustration of the novel.
May 28, 2021
Season 1 of the webtoon adaptation of the novel ended.
May 31, 2021
The author posted a note in celebration of the novel’s 700th chapter. She also hinted that she was working on a paperback version of the novel.
June 14, 2021
COWON started a crowdfunding event on Tumblbug, a Korean crowdfunding platform, for a Korean mobile game adaptation of the novel, with the game title of “Plop”. Various official merchandise could also be obtained, depending on which item set the sponsor would purchase. Merchandise included in-game coupons and items, stickers, postcards, and acrylic stands.
Image 6. Preview of the mobile game adaptation.
Image 7. Acrylic stands of Alberu, Cale, and Choi Han given to sponsors who sponsored more than 65,000 KRW ($47.10).
Link: https://tumblbug.com/plop_story
June 15, 2021
The author announced a 3-day hiatus because of health reasons.
July 26, 2021
The crowdfunding event ended with 376 sponsors, raising 33,763,000 KRW (~$25,500) and surpassing its funding goal of 20,000,000 KRW.
September 17, 2021
Season 2 of the webtoon adaptation of the novel began.
October 7, 2021
The author announced a 4-day hiatus because she lost her laptop while outside and spent her time looking for it. Fortunately, she recovered her laptop back.
November 1, 2021
The Korean mobile game “Plop” was released by COWON. It followed a Visual Novel (VN) approach with dating simulation elements. Players could select different stories to play with, and these stories were mobile game adaptations of popular Korean novels. Lout of Count’s Family was one of the stories a player could select. Plop could only be downloaded on QooApp, and was Korean-only.
November 29, 2021
Part 1 of the novel ended at Chapter 776. It was also announced that 7 side stories would be released at the end of every month, and Part 2 of the novel would begin on July 1, 2022.
December 31, 2021
The 1st of 7 side stories of the novel was released.
The novel won the Grand Prize in the Fantasy Web Novel category at the 2021 RIDI Web Novel Awards. Link: https://ridibooks.com/event/37133
2022
February 2, 2022
An English version of the mobile game “Plop” was released under the title, “IFyou:episodes-love stories”, by PIER Corporation. The English mobile game adaptation of the novel could be played if one selected the “Lout of Count’s Family” story.
Image 8. Promotional image of the game showing the multiple stories one could play with.
February 4, 2022
Pocket Comics, an English webtoon publisher, released the official English translation of the webtoon adaptation on their website.
February ??, 2022
Bilibili Comics, an English webtoon publisher, released the official English translation of the webtoon adaptation on their website.
April 9, 2022
A special side story was released to celebrate the 4th anniversary of the novel’s serialization.
May 11, 2022
Chungeoram announced a crowdfunding event for the Korean hardcover books of the novel, beginning on June 13 and covering Part 1 Chapters 1-200 in 5 volumes.
Link: https://blog.naver.com/chungeoram_book/222726296248
June 13, 2022
The crowdfunding event began on Tumblbug. Various official merchandise could also be obtained, depending on which item set the sponsor would purchase. Merchandise included posters, postcards, washi tapes, etc.
Image 9. Preview of the hardcover versions of the novel, and two posters featuring Cale and Choi Han.
Link: https://tumblbug.com/henituse
July 1, 2022
Part 2 of the novel began.
July 15, 2022
The crowdfunding event ended with 4,785 sponsors, raising 788,666,000 KRW (~$596,000) and surpassing its funding goal of 15,000,000 KRW.
July 19, 2022
Copin Comics renamed itself as Terapin Studios. Their English branch continued to be called Copin Comics.
August 4, 2022
Season 2 of the webtoon adaptation of the novel ended.
August 31, 2022
Sponsors of the crowdfunding event began to receive their hardcover books and official merchandise.
October 14, 2022
Copin Comics, the English branch of Terapin Studios, announced that it would be shut down by November 30. The official English translation of the webtoon adaptation would be continued by TappyToons.
November 30, 2022
Copin Comics officially shut down. Terapin Studios continued its service as the Korean webtoon publisher and studio for the webtoon adaptation of the novel.
December 20, 2022
The author announced a week-long hiatus because of health reasons.
December ??, 2022
Plop, the Korean mobile game adaptation of the novel, was terminated.
2023
January 27, 2023
LaLatoon, an English webtoon publisher, released the official English translation of the webtoon adaptation on their website.
March 29, 2023
The author announced an almost 2-weeks long hiatus because of personal reasons.
March 31, 2023
IFyou:episodes-love stories, the English mobile game adaptation of the novel, was terminated. PIER Corporation stated that it was because they could no longer afford to pay server maintenance and labor costs.
April 18, 2023
Adar Terra announced that it would discontinue posting summaries for the novel after receiving a DMCA notice from RIDI who asserted that writing summaries itself was illegal.
June 5, 2023
The author announced a week-long hiatus because of personal reasons.
July 13, 2023
Season 3 of the webtoon adaptation of the novel began.
July 31, 2023
RIDI announced that it would release a Korean ebook adaptation of the novel on August 21. They also held a RIDI-exclusive event on July 31 to August 2 where fans could ask the author their questions.
Link: https://ridibooks.com/event/57453
August 21, 2023
RIDI released Volumes 1-5 of the Korean ebook adaptation, covering chapters 1-117 of Part 1. They also had a limited-time event where those who purchased Volumes 1-5 as a set would get discounts plus an Author Q&A as exclusive content. The Author Q&A had 26 questions answered by the author, and was based on the fan questions they gathered in their past event on July 31.
Image 10. Cover of the Author Q&A released as a RIDI-only exclusive content.
August 31, 2023
The author announced a 1-day hiatus because she caught COVID-19.
September 3, 2023
Tapas, an English webtoon publisher, released their official English translation of the webtoon adaptation on their website.
September 15, 2023
RIDI released Volumes 6-9 of the Korean ebook adaptation, covering chapters 118-200 of Part 1. They also had a limited-time event where those who purchased Volumes 6-9 as a set would get discounts.
October 20, 2023
The author posted a note in celebration of the novel’s 1000th chapter. She thanked her readers and also joked about the novel reaching 2000 chapters.
December 29, 2023
The Korean ebook adaptation of the novel won the Grand Prize in the Fantasy ebook category at the 2023 RIDI Awards.
2024
January 24, 2024
Bilibili Comics announced that it would be shut down by February 29.
February 29, 2024
Bilibili Comics officially shut down. The official English translation of the webtoon adaptation remained on the other webtoon publishers.
March 3, 2024
DAYcomics, an English webtoon publisher, released the official English translation of the webtoon adaptation on their website.
March 8, 2024
Lezhin, an English webtoon publisher, released the official English translation of the webtoon adaptation on their website.
March 18, 2024
RIDI released Volumes 10-18 of the Korean ebook adaptation, covering chapters 201-398 of Part 1. They also had a limited-time event where those who purchased Volumes 10-18 as a set would get discounts plus an LCF Modern AU Character Checklist as exclusive content. The checklist had 39 situations that described which character would likely be fit or do something in that situation, but in a modern alternate universe (AU) setting. Two new cover illustrations for the ebook adaptation were also included.
Images 11 and 12. On the left is the new cover illustration for ebook volumes 1-9, featuring Cale alone. On the right is the cover illustration for ebook volumes 10-18, featuring Cale and Raon.
March 27, 2024
Seven Seas Entertainment, an English novel publisher, announced that it had acquired the license to officially translate the novel in English, under the title, “Lout of Count’s Family”. It would be released in September of 2024 in paperback and ebook versions.
July 11, 2024
Season 3 of the webtoon adaptation of the novel ended.
August 24, 2024
Seven Seas Entertainment announced that it would release an English audiobook version of the official English translation of the novel. No release date had been given.
September 3, 2024
Seven Seas Entertainment released volume 1 of the novel's official English translation in paperback and ebook versions. It was also revealed that Seven Seas bought MiracleRifle’s fan translation to use in their official translation, and credited MiracleRifle in their print details.
Image 13. Cover illustration for volume 1 of the English adaptation of the novel.
November 7, 2024
Seven Seas Entertainment released Volume 1 of the official English audio book. It was narrated by Nick Martineau and produced by John Marshall Media.
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Coming Soon:
December 3, 2024
Volume 2 of the official English novel translation will be released on this date.
March 4, 2025
Volume 3 of the official English novel translation would be released on this date.
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Personal Remarks:
Creating this list was quite a huge task for me. It also made me appreciate the author's hard work, given that she had to write the novel while having family and health problems.
This list was limited to the Korean and English-speaking audiences because finding information about official translations of the novel or webtoon adaptation in other languages was difficult, especially researching the exact dates.
Some personal bias was also involved in the creation of this list. Adar Terra should actually not be included here because it was a fandom thing and not an official one. Unless you count me getting the DMCA notice from the official publisher as an "official" thing. 😂
And that's it. This list will continue to be updated as more official events happen. If you know of other official events related to the novel that I missed, please share it in the comments! Thank you! 🥰
#lout of count's family#lout of the count’s family#trash of the count's family#lcf#tcf#백작가의 망나니가 되었다#lcf history#tcf history
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Be Your Solace
Genre: Romance, Fluff, Comfort, Slight Angst
Pairing: San x Reader (y/n)
Characters: UniversityStudent Girlfriend!Reader, UniversityStudent Boyfriend!San
Summary: Since your relationship was still relatively new, you were afraid of letting San meeting your family. You didn't want them to chase him away. But your boyfriend can't stand to see you stressed, anxious and exhausted from your family. So he tries to help you and be your solace.
Warning(s): Reader has anxiety and is mentally anxious, bad mental health. Depictions of toxic family dynamic and family members. There may be triggering topics to certain readers. Please read at your own discretion.
[A/N: Happy belated birthday Choi San!!!!!! This is my 'self-indulgent' fic. Some parts you may find rather detailed because it is a close depiction to my own personal experiences with extended family. And how I am going through it right now. So I wrote this to vent, rant and comfort myself.]
Word count: 7.7K
'At the end of the day, family will always be family. And family will always comes first.'
That's what you've been told your whole life. No matter what happens between family members, you'll always be family, you'll always share blood bonds. And blood is thicker than water... right? The expectation that family will always come first was seared into your brain.
"(y/n)? Did you hear what I said?" Your boyfriend's voice pulled you out of your mind's despair.
"Huh? No, sorry, Sannie. What did you say?" You frowned at yourself, not even realising that you were spacing out. You blinked and let out a soft sigh, moving to meet his eyes.
"What's wrong? You didn't even react when I called you 'jagiya'." San joked but his eyes filled with concern and worry.
The reason you didn't like the pet name 'jagiya' because that was what San and his best friend, Wooyoung, called each other.
Instead he calls you, 'baby', 'love' or his favourite, 'baby love'. To him, that was the most unique and it combined his two other petnames for you. And that made it special to both you and San.
"I'm fine. Just a little distracted." You forced a smile. One of San's hand reached out to cup your cheek, the other wrapped around your waist to pull you closer to him.
"You're not fine. Tell me what's bothering my baby?" He tilted his head with a small pout.
"It's just my family... You know how it is... My cousin's coming back to visit and as usual, the whole family is rushing to accomodate her as if she's the queen. She's not even here yet and I'm already so bothered by it." You rubbed your temples.
"This is the cousin that's the favourite of your oldest aunt, right?" He clarified. San hasn't met your extended family yet so he only knows them by your stories and rants about them.
"Yes. And since my aunt is the head of the family, we kind of have to do her bidding. I'd rather not face her wrath." You said.
"I understand." San nodded.
"And she knows I'm off school now so I'll probably be roped into doing more of whatever she has planned. She even made an excel sheet schedule." You groaned.
"Looks like all my weekends are gone." You said, looking at the schedule. San looked over to read through it.
"That's... a lot of things to do..." San frowned. Even he felt exhausted looking at that.
"I know!" You groaned, your head falling onto his shoulder. And what's worse is that you won't be able to see San as much since so much of your time would be taken up for family. San turned his body on the couch so he could face you and hug you properly. You buried your head into his chest.
"I shouldn't be complaining, right? I should be grateful for all these extravagant meals and outings she drags me to. But why do I feel such an exhaustion and dread?" You gulped.
"Everyone has a social battery, baby love. And it is very exhausting. I remember the last time she came back, you were sick after she left."
"Yeah because she has the flu and still came in close proximity to us." You mumbled bitterly.
"Would it help if I was there?" He asked carefully, rubbing the back of your hand with his thumb as you tucked your face into the crook of his neck.
The last thing San wanted to do was to add to your stress or make you feel pressured into inviting him for these.
"Thanks, San. But I like our relationship so I don't want to risk scaring you away yet." You chuckled.
"Baby, you already have me and my love for you is greater than what your family can do to me. If I have to accept your family to be with you, so be it." He laughed and pulled away slightly to kiss the crown of your head.
But from your answer, San knew not to push it or insist that you let him come with you. He didn't want to make things difficult for you. You knew your family and were old enough to judge the situation.
"Wait, it's not that I'm embarrased by you or anything, okay? That side of my family is just judgemental and not welcoming-"
"Woah, woah, woah. Breathe, baby love. It's okay. Hey." He cupped your cheeks in his hands to ground you.
"Sorry..." You mumbled.
"Mmm-mmm, you have nothing to apologise for. Thank you for wanting to protect me." San pressed his forehead against yours. You gave him a small smile.
"I really wish I could have you with me. But there's this whole thing they have about insiders vs outsiders." You sighed.
"Before we continue, let's move to the room. This couch is too small to cuddle." Without saying anything else, San lifted you up and brought you to his room. As he climbed over you, he hovered over you for a few seconds to give you a kiss before landing his body beside yours.
"Here." He put Shiber in your arms for you to hug while he wrapped his arms around you to hug you.
"I'm sorry I'll be more absent these 3 weeks." You sighed, inhaling Shiber's scent. He smelled just like San, which comforted you.
"Don't worry about that now, baby. I'll miss you dearly but that's not for you to worry about. I'm not angry nor do I blame you." He assured pulling you closer to him.
"But I am angry. I need my San time." You whined. San laughed and cupped your cheek to give you a peck.
"You can come over any day, any time you need, hmm? Or if you want me to go over, let me know." He rubbed your back.
"Thank you." You murmured. San wished he could do more, he hated seeing your anxiety peak like this and how stressed out you were. The least he could do was be here for you when you need him.
When San hugged you like this, you felt so safe and protected from the world. Your anxiety was something you were transparent about right from the start. But San never grew annoyed with it, he was always there, patient and understanding.
It's funny because now you wonder how you lived without him all these years because you've definitely grown dependent on him.
"Take a nap, hmm? Rest your mind." He said, gently massaging the back of your neck to help you relieve the tension there. You melted in his touch.
When San woke up from the nap, you were not in bed with him. He heard you talking outside.
"So you've seen the schedule. Just help me book my hair and nail appointments where there's a free slot. No mornings though."
"Sure... I'll call and check. Then update the schedule." You said, nodding to the phone that you propped up using your mug so you wouldn't have to hold it.
"And make a booking at the Chinese restaurant for Sunday brunch too. Since you're usually the one who makes it."
"Okay, hang on for a bit." You blanked the camera and turned off the mic, waving San over. You both still heard your cousin rambling about something on the other end. San shuffled over to you, leaning down to give you a kiss. You giggled and ran your hands through his hair, combing out his bed hair.
"Sorry I left the bed. She called and I didn't want to wake you up with the talking." You sighed.
"It's okay. But you owe me." He smiled with a playful glint in his eyes. You laughed and nodded, giving him a final kiss before he moved away. You turned the camera and mic on again.
"What happened? Why did you have to turn off the camera and mic when we were talking half way? Why are you acting so secretive?"
"What? I'm not secretive." You frowned.
"It's just a boyfriend. You're at your boyfriend's place, aren't you? It's not that big a deal, (y/n). You don't have to act like it's some big secret. I have a boyfriend too."
"I know that. I just... It's not that it's a secret. I just enjoy my privacy." You sighed.
"Privacy? We're family, why do you have to keep it so private? That's making it a big deal."
"Anyway, back to the plans." You diverted the topic. You could only bite your tongue for so long and you didn't want to accidentally say something ugly. There was a nice facade that you had to maintain to keep the peace.
"Also, since I'm back, can you make me that Chinese dish you learnt to make the other time? I've been asking each time I return and you haven't made it for me."
"It's a lot of work and I'm busy..." You chewed on your bottom lip.
"Yeah but you're on holiday, right? What? You want me to pay you? I can pay you to make it."
"Money is not the issue here... It's time consuming and a lot of work. There are other things I need to attend to. Making that dish will take me two days..." You tried to reason with her.
"What's the point in saying you learnt to make it if you're not going to make it?"
"Yeah, my bad." You hummed.
"Anyway, our aunt said that for the two family gatherings, you're in charge of desserts so make enough this time, okay? And try something new, you always make the same thing."
From the kitchen, San listened to the conversation, his frown growing deeper as time went on. This was the first time he heard you speak to your cousins and it's like you're an entirely different person. He hated it and he hated how your cousin used your aunt's position in the family to make you do things.
"Are you bringing your boyfriend for any of the gatherings? I brought my boyfriend the last time I came back."
"I remember. But no, I don't intend to bring him this time." You shook your head, eyes casting to the side to meet San's. He just stared back at you with an unreadable expression.
"Maybe it's best that you don't. I got some heat the last time and I'm the favourite of the family. So, who knows what you'll get."
"Right, thanks for the heads up." You awkwardly chuckled.
"But I'm not saying you should keep him away forever. It's rude of you not to invite him. If you're serious about him and talk about him, you should bring him to meet us."
"I do intend to since he's already met my parents a few times. Just not this instance." You said.
"Keeping him away is not only rude, it's not fair to him either. You'll hurt his feelings and your relationship this way."
"I'm aware. Thank you for the advice." You forced a small smile, swallowing the lump in your throat. The exhale you let out was shaky, you were trying your best to keep it together but it was hard when she talked about how you were 'treating' San.
"Baby, are you free? I need your help!" San shouted. You looked up at meet his eyes.
"Looks like you're needed, you better go. Are you sure you can't pick me up from the airport tomorrow?"
"Seems like he needs me. And yeah, I'm sorry about that. I have a family dinner." You lied, hoping she bought your lie. San had come closer to you.
"Mmm, okay. But you better send me to the airport when I leave. Bye, I'll see you the day after tomorrow then."
After she hung up, you felt your whole body quiver. With shaky hands, you put your phone down.
"Baby love?" San approached you carefully but you stood up. You gulped and took a deep breath. In addition to everything else, now you felt embarrassed that San witnessed that.
"I-I'm going to the restroom." You made a beeline for the bathroom and closed the door. You knew you needed to collect yourself and not constantly depend on San to comfort you, you didn't want him to think that you were using him. Turning the sink on, you splashed your face with cold water.
*KNOCK KNOCK*
"Love? It's me. Open the door, hmm?" San was heard on the other side of the door.
"Just give me a second." You breathed out. From the gap beneath the door, you saw that he still stood there but he didn't rush you. He remained quiet until you were ready.
"God, I'm so embarrassed." You let out a tired sigh when you opened the door. San was leaning on the opposite wall and stood up.
"What's there to be embarrassed about, baby love?" His eyebrows furrowed with worry.
"Nothing. I'm good, Sannie. Don't worry about me, I-I'm used to it. But thanks for saving me." You threw your arms around his neck. His hands went to their usual place on your hips.
"I'll always save you." He kissed your cheek.
"I hate that she talks to you like that. I... I really hate it... She doesn't know anything about us." He mumbled against your shoulder as he hugged you tightly. You let out a hum, fingers toying with the ends of his hair behind his head.
"You're not rude and I'm not hurt that you're not bringing me to meet your extended family, okay? Our relationship is stronger than she thinks." San squeezed your waist.
"I know. What you think and feel is the most important. That's all that matters to me." You replied in a whisper.
"Aigo, my baby love. My pretty baby, my precious girl." San cooed, patting your butt teasingly.
Before meeting San, you hated people in your personal space. But one of the ways that San shows his love is through physical touch and now, you can't live without his hugs, kisses and cuddles.
*BEEP BEEP*
"Please tell me that's not her." San groaned and buried his face into the crook of your neck as you fished your phone out.
"Oh, nope. It's your boyfriend, he's coming with food for dinner and Yunho's tagging along." You informed, reading the text. San pulled away just to show you that he was rolling his eyes at you. In your phone, Wooyoung's contact was 'San's Boyfriend' and you did refer to him as such.
"He's not my boyfriend and I'm not his boyfriend. I'm YOUR boyfriend. You, (y/n) (y/l/n)." San squished your cheeks, pressing his forehead against yours.
"Not that many people have their boyfriends call another guy 'jagiya'. So can you blame me?' You teased.
"You-" San feign anger, chasing you around.
As you ran away, there was someone at your door. San wrapped his arms around your middle, playfully nibbling on the exposed skin between your neck and shoulder.
"Oh, your boyfriend and Yunho are here." You giggled and opened the door to let them in.
"Jagiya! I'm here!" Wooyoung came barreling in, throwing his arms around San, who caught him before they could both fall over. You chuckled with a shake of your head and wrapped an arm around Yunho to greet him.
"Sorry for coming unannounced." Yunho grinned, wrapping his long arms around you. You shook your head, all of San's friends were nice, you liked being around them.
"Some love for you too, baby girl." Wooyoung tugged you away from Yunho's embrace, planting a kiss on your cheek to rile San up.
"YAH!" San let out an outraged yell.
-
It only took about 3 days after your cousin's return for you to come back to San's place.
"San?" You called out after letting yourself in. He wasn't around, probably in the gym. The first thing you did was shower and wear one of San's shirts. After seeing that you liked to wear his shirts to comfort yourself, he started to set aside some of his shirts in the cupboard labelled 'Baby's Pile'.
"Hi, Shiber." You created a nest of San's blanket and hugged Shiber, just wanted to engulf yourself in his scent. It was the only thing that kept you sane now.
The first thing San did when he arrived home was notice your shoes in the doorway. The past 3 days, you haven't even had the time to text and call each other so he didn't know how you were doing.
"Baby love?" San called but there was no reply. He frowned in confusion and dropped his gym bag on the couch.
"Baby? Where are-" San paused when he saw you in his bed, fast asleep.
"My love." He whispered, hovering over you to give you a kiss on the cheek. You looked so precious and adorable in his shirt, hugging Shiber to you.
San went to take a shower, wanting to jump into bed with you and not disturb you with his sweaty self.
"Sannie?" San heard your sleepy voice from the bathroom and opened the door. You smiled when you saw him there.
"Don't you dare move a single inch. I haven't got a chance to get my cuddles. Let me dry my hair first." San threatened. You saluted and laid back down, squeezing Shiber tightly. You were glad you convinced San not to keep Shiber in storage or something.
"Okay, I'm here." You felt the bed dip as San crawled over to you. His arms reached for you to pull you close to him. The first thing he did was shower you in kisses.
"Come here, baby love." He smothered your in kisses, making you squirm and laugh.
"Ack, San!" You laughed as he gave you a final kiss on the lips.
"Sorry for being MIA and coming unannounced, I just needed to get away for a bit... It's only been a few days since she's been back and I already feel like I can't breathe." You sighed into his neck.
"Don't apologise, I'm glad you feel safe and comforted here. And I'm always happy to see you." He grinned.
"She appeared at my parents' place and wanted to stay over. The moment she left, I came straight here." You told him.
"So that's why you've been MIA. Where's her mom and brothers though? Shouldn't she be staying with them? Or even your oldest aunt, she always stays with her right?" San asked.
"Her mom and brothers couldn't care less. Her mother lets her do whatever she wants and her brothers would rather have her out of the house too since she orders them around and rules the house like a queen. And I think she's only staying my oldest aunt's place towards the end of her trip." You explained.
"My poor baby." San pouted.
"I have the first family gathering tomorrow and frankly, I'm so exhausted I don't even want to go..." You blinked.
"Can you not go? There is another gathering before she leaves, right?" San asked.
"No, I have to. The family will rip me to shreds if they found out I skipped a family gathering to stay with my boyfriend. Because family comes first, right?" You rolled your eyes.
"The only one tht doesn't like her is my mother." You chuckled.
"Your mom never puts up with anyone's bullshit so I am not surprised." San chuckled.
"Plus my mom lowkey doesn't like most of my dad's family anyway." You giggled. San laughed, nodding his head. He stroked your cheek with his thumb.
After you fell back asleep, San quietly grabbed his phone, careful not to disturb you. He thought to send your mother a text to let her know that you were with him and to ask if it was okay for you to stay the night with him.
'Also, I am aware that you have a family gathering to attend to tomorrow. I promise to make sure that I will drop her at your place earlier or the gathering's location on time. - San'
'Alright. Thanks for letting her stay with you, San. She's been stressed and I think she needs some comforting. - (y/n)'s mom'
'Thank you for trusting me. I promise to take good care of her. Have a nice evening. - San'
San then called his mother for recipes because he wanted to cook for you. He wasn't a gourmet cook but he could cook simple dishes for you to eat.
"San?" You called out from the room.
"In the kitchen, love!" San replied from his position by the stove. You shuffled out of the room, still holding Shiber.
"Oh my! Omonim, hello. I'm sorry I didn't see you there!" You jumped when you saw his mother on video call. You jumped out of the frame to adjust your crooked shirt and bed hair, as well to put Shiber down. Then you stepped back to properly bow to her. Both her and San were laughed at your funny actions.
"No worries, dear. Hello." She waved. San was still snickering at you so you secretly pinch his waist. He yelped and jumped, turning to glare at you.
"How are you and abonim? I miss Byeol!" You smiled to the camera, taking the phone up.
"Oh, we're doing fine, dear! Don't worry. And I'm sure Byeol misses you a lot too." She giggled, turning the camera to Byeol.
"Hi, Byeol! Such a cutie." You cooed. Byeol let out a loud meow in response, making you laugh. You could hear San's mom laugh on the other end before she turned the camera back to you.
"Ah, which reminds me. Thank you for sending appa the new foot massager! And for the royal jelly you sent me."
"I'm glad you both like it." You giggled, sitting on the couch and pulling your feet up.
"Like it? I can't even get him to get up from the thing... He even wanted to bring it to the dining table to use it while eating." San's mother sighed with a shake of her head. San smiled softly as he overheard your conversation with his mother.
"I didn't know you sent my parents things." San said after you handed his phone back to him once his mother hung up. You shrugged and leaned against the counter.
"Your mom always feeds me delicious food." You scooped the rice, seeing how San was finishing up his cooking.
"Well, thank you for taking such good care of my parents, baby love." He kissed your cheek.
"No need to thank me. I wanted to do it." You giggled. The both of you sat down at the small dining table to eat together, San handed out the cutlery.
It was nice, spending time with San like this. There was something warm about how domestic and homey it felt.
That's why when San drove you to your oldest aunt's place for the gathering the next day, you didn't want to leave the car. To coax you, San offered to walk you right to the doorstep. You pouted like a little child throwing a tantrum but still let San hold your hand to lead you to your aunt's apartment.
"I don't want to gooooooo. I want to stay with you." You whined, stomping your feet. Full disclaimer, you don't usually act like that, only around San.
"I know, baby. But I promised your mom I would send you here." San chuckled, pulling you along.
"You just hate me, don't you? Because if you love me, you wouldn't send me here."
"Ah, baby~ How can you say that?" San sent you a look. He came up to cup your cheeks, planting a kiss on your lips and swiping the slightly smudged lip gloss.
"Do you want me to stay with you then? I don't mind." San smiled.
"No, you should save yourself when you still can." You groaned. San squeezed your hand and walked with you.
"This is it." You stopped in front of the door, voice filled with dread and despair.
"You'll be okay, baby love. You're strong. But if you've had enough and need me to come get you, just say the word, hmm? I'll be here as soon as I can, your knight in shining armor." San engulfed you in a bear hug, planting a kiss on your temple.
"Thank you, Sannie. I don't know what I would do without you." You hugged him tightly. Before you ran the doorbell, you wanted to wait for San to leave first but you ran into your parents.
They were carrying the two desserts you made before going to San's place yesterday. One carrot cake with cream cheese frosting and the other was cookies.
"Omonim, abonim." San bowed respectfully.
"Thanks for dropping her off, San ah. Would you like to stay for some food?" Your father offered.
"Thank you for the offer but maybe next time, abonim. I already have plans with my sister." San lied. He turned to you and you sent him a grateful smile.
"Ah, alright." He nodded. With a final hug and a bow to your parents, San left. Your cousin opened the door.
"I knew I heard talking outside! Why are all of you just standing there and not ringing the doorbell?" She asked when she saw all of you.
"Oh, (y/n)'s boyfriend dropped her off so we were just greeting each other. But he has something to attend to so he couldn't stay." Your dad explained before entering the house to greet your siblings with your mum by his side. After you removed your shoes, your cousin held your arm.
"Hey, you know... I know your dad said your boyfriend had to rush off but he should have at least come in to say hello to everyone and introduce himself." She leaned in to whisper.
"Yeah but this isn't really the time to introduce him to everyone. Maybe next time." You replied.
"Was he in that much of a rush he couldn't say hi? It just gives off the impression that he's unfriendly and it's honestly quite rude, you know?"
"San's not rude, not in the slightest." Now you felt the need to defend your boyfriend because San was not rude and unfriendly.
"Wouldn't know, he didn't even bother to come in." She chuckled and left you to go.
You felt something boil within you, an ugly anger. She could insult you all she wants but mentioning San was going too far. San would give the world to you, he was a nicest person ever. You chewed on your bottom lip, willing yourself to hold back.
"(y/n)! Why are you just standing there? Come on!" Your other cousins call you. Once again, you took a deep breath, swallowing your anger before forcing a smile and going to join them.
"Hey." You greeted them with hugs.
"My sister said your boyfriend came?" The cousin you were closest to, whispered in your ear as he hugged you.
"Yeah. He wanted to come in to say hi but I told him to just go and save himself. Luckily I did or else he would get grilled, I can't risk that." You sighed.
"Good call." He chuckled, patting your shoulder. You giggled and went to greet your other relatives.
"Oh, (y/n). Can you change the hair appointment you booked for me?" Your cousin asked as you were scooping food.
"You can't make it? I made sure to book it on an open slot in your schedule. And my hairstylist is doing me a favour by coming in on her day off to do your hair before you leave..." You sighed.
"I appreciate that but I don't want to have to wake up so early when it's one of my last days off. You booked it too early." She shrugged.
"Yeah, you should just call and change her appointment. You know she doesn't wake up early for these things, if she goes late, it'll be an even bigger waste of your stylist's time." Your oldest aunt voiced out in support of your cousin. You knew your cousin purposely said it out loud in front of the adults.
"Thank you, you can change the appointment to one of the empty slots in the afternoon or evenings then." She smiled and took her food to go back to one of the tables.
"(y/n), when you booked the chinese restaurant brunch, did you preorder the peking duck?" Your oldest aunt checked.
"No, I was just told to book the table for 8 people at 11 am..." You blinked.
"Ah, you should know we always get the peking duck! Better call them to reserve it before it's too late. I only get peking duck when I am back from London." Your cousin pouted.
"I'll get on it..." You said, trying to contain the sourness in your voice. Putting your food plate down, you went to call the restaurant.
When San heard the doorlock beeping, he checked the time on his laptop. He continued typing on his reports, knowing that you knew your way in. And as he expected, you came trudging in, falling face first onto the sofa.
"Hey, baby love. How was the gathering?" He greeted. You mumbled something into the couch, burying your face into the material of his sofa. San chuckled, putting his laptop and coming to you.
"I didn't hear a single word you just said, my love." San crouched down beside you and stroked the back of your head.
"San..." San didn't expect you to lift your head and to see tears in your eyes.
"Baby! My sweet love, why are you crying? What happened?" San was shocked, he wasn't expecting to see you crying so that sent him into a panic.
"I... I..." You shook your head, feeling like a baby for crying. San hushed you, not wanting to press you for answers.
"It's okay, I've got you." He pulled your leg over his lap so you were straddling him. You clutched onto the material of his shirt like a koala.
"Breathe, my love. Breathe with me. Shh..." His voice was soft as pressed his forehead against yours and purposely breathed loudly so you could follow him.
"It's okay, breathe, baby love. Slow down and take all the time you need." He whispered softly, rubbing your back. You nodded your head in agreement, you did need a minute, a minute to breathe and soak in San's comforting warmth. San was patient, quietly comforting you until your sobs turned to soft whimpers.
"There we go. Good girl. It's going to be okay. Just keep breathing." He kept his eyes trained on you.
"Thank you, San..." You murmured. San guessed that nothing particularly bad happened. You were probably just so frustrated, and mentally and physically exhausted.
"Nothing for you to thank me for. I hate seeing you cry, love." He grasped your hand, rubbing your knuckles with his thumb.
"I know it's tiring. I'm sorry I can't make it any better." He whispered.
"No, you make it better by being San." You pulled away to meet his eyes, cupping his face in your hands. You were so grateful for San being the most amazing person in the world.
"Cute. I'm glad me being San makes you feel better." He chuckled, holding your hand to kiss your fingertips.
"It's not easy being a San." You played along.
"It's all worth it for you. When it's for you, it's never tiring or difficult." San reached up to wipe the last tears off your cheeks. You hugged him again, feeling his arms securely wrap around your waist.
"Do you know she reached over and took food off my plate? Saying that she's deprieved in London so she never gets to eat such nice food. Then she was being annoying by trying to 'convince' me to give my entire share since she deserves it more?" You complained to San.
"In the end, she used her fingers to take bites of my food!" You sighed, shaking your head.
"At that point, I'd rather give her my food. I don't want to know if she's washed her hands. Couldn't she have just taken her own portion and be happy with it?" San sighed, rubbing your arm.
"Apparently not. She kept all this food for herself, saying she'll eat it later so others won't take it and guess what happened?" You asked.
"She didn't even finish it?" San guessed.
"Exactly! First she stops us from eating then after that, says it's too much and she'll feel sick if she eats it. She'd rather THROW IT AWAY!" You exclaimed.
"That's horrible." San frowned. If San was there, he would be frustrated and annoyed too.
"My aunt bought this really fancy, nice ice cream for all of us to share. My cousin took my portion without asking me! She said I could have it again another time but she can't. And by the way, that was her THIRD share. So I didn't have any... It's not even that I wanted the ice cream that badly, it's more... her!" You groaned.
"I know, baby love. I can't believe you two are from the same family when you're so different." San said, leaning his head on his hand.
"She's so different from the rest of the cousins..." You threw your head back.
"I know you said it wasn't about the ice cream but do you want some? I stopped by the store on my way back and stocked up the freezer with your favourite." San offered.
"Why are you so perfect, Choi San?" You whined.
"Far from but I'm glad you see me as such." He kissed the top of your head. You went to the kitchen to grab the ice cream and two spoons.
"No, you eat it, baby." San shook his head when you held the spoon out to him.
"The best part about ice cream is sharing it so take the spoon." You insisted, taking a seat beside him. San peeled open the lid for you to dig in. You leaned against his arm, the both of you taking turns to scoop out of the tub to eat.
"Do you want a blanket?" San asked.
"No, I just want to stay like this... With you... I don't want anything else." You said with a shake of your head. You were just happy in San's presence, he was all you needed.
"Just one more week before she goes back, one more week with one more gathering and it'll be over." You sighed.
"You can do it." San chuckled. When the ice cream was done, San threw the empty tub while you washed the used spoons.
"Go shower and come to bed, hmm? I'll wait for you." San squeezed your hip. You nodded with a hum, feeling slightly sticky on your cheeks from crying previously.
-
The last big, family gathering was at your house. You barely slept the night before because you were stressed. While you baked the desserts in the middle of the night, you were talking to San on video call. You felt bad for making him stay up with you but he was gaming on the side.
"Hello! Welcome." You heard your parents greet the family members that came. You were still setting up the food table, getting everything that you would need.
"Wait, you're wearing that when you have guests in the house?" Your cousin came up to you.
"No, I just haven't got the time to change since I was helping my mother set up." You replied with a soft sigh.
"Well, now that guests are here. You should change. You shouldn't welcome them in home clothes." She raised an eyebrow. You pursed your lips and placed the napkins on the stand.
"Honey! Go change. We can handle the rest, thank you." Your mother came.
"Sure, mom." You nodded with a tight smile and went to take a quick shower to wash the sweat off you.
'She just arrived and she's already giving me grief... - (y/n)'
After sending San a text, you threw your phone aside and took out clothes to change in. You stood by your dresser to dry your hair a little, not wanting to get told off by your relatives by going around with wet hair.
"Oh, welcome! So glad you could make it!" There was a loud commotion outside, you mainly heard your mother exclaim. Putting your hair dryer down, you went outside.
"Thank you for having me." The latest guest said, handing your mother a bouquet of flowers and your father, a bottle of wine.
"What..." You stood there, frozen and dumbfounded.
"(y/n), you didn't tell me your boyfriend was coming!" Your relatives all looked fondly at you and San as he respectfully bowed to greet all of them, shaking their hands too.
"Uhhh, yeah I didn't know too..." You said, frowning slightly hoping you were not dreaming.
"It was my idea to surprise you with San." Your mother giggled.
"Yes, it was all her idea." San, handsomely dressed in a shirt and dress pants, wrapped an arm around your waist, nodding his head.
"Hey." He smiled to you. You smiled back, still kind of surprised by his sudden appearance. But you took a deep breath, San being here shouldn't make you scared, it should make you feel more relaxed and comforted. You were still worried that your extended family will be too hard on him.
"Wait a minute, come here for a bit?" You asked softly. San nodded, following you to your room.
"Baby love, I'm sorry, I know you said-" San was cut off by you throwing your arms around him to hug him tightly. His hands went to hold your hips.
"I'm hoping this hug means you aren't angry?" He chuckled.
"Not at all. Surprised, yes. But angry? No. I know your intentions are good." You smiled softly, pulling away to give him a peck.
"Of course. I'm here with you." He placed kisses along your jaw, making you giggle at how ticklish it was. After that, you both went out, not wanting to stay in your room for too long.
"Let me help you, omonim!" San squeezed your hand and left your side to go your mother in the kitchen.
"Ah, San, go get food and eat. You're a guest." Your mother chuckled, shooing him out.
"You should eat! You and (y/n) have been busy preparing the whole morning, I'm sure you guys didn't get to eat breakfast. Come, I'll take over." San insisted on doing the dishes. Your mother gave up, going to join your father at the food table.
"You wash, I'll dry." You grabbed the dish cloth.
"Baby, I want you to eating something or at least, sit down to rest. You didn't even sleep last night..." San frowned.
"With you, I don't feel tired at all. And we can eat together later." You shook your head. San sighed in defeat, reaching over to knock his head against yours since his hands were soapy.
You weren't done with the dishes but your mother and father came to chase you and San out.
"I guess we should eat." You shrugged. Sticking by San seemed to save you from your cousin and save San from your relatives.
"You want this?" San asked, holding your plate for you. He held both your plates and patiently followed you while you scooped the dishes for both of you.
"No~ No vegetables." San held his plate away when you tried to put spinach salad.
"(y/n), don't be mean to him." Your mother chided. You shot her a look of betrayal while San smirked proudly. With enough food on your plates, you went to sit down with your other cousins. They were nice, making an effort to get to know San and including him in the general conversations like he was part of the family.
"Here." San removed the bones from the galbi and placed it on your plate for you, taking the other pieces that still had bones in them off your plate.
"Thanks." You smiled. Shifting your eyes, you saw the judgemental stares from your spoiled cousin.
"San, would you like a glass of wine?" Your father offered.
"No, thank you. I have to drive later. Do you want a glass?" San turned to you. You nodded and San stepped up, respectfully receiving your glass from your father with a slight bow.
San got along well with your relatives and cousins. You could leave him alone and he would be fine.
"I'm going to the bathroom." You stood up. San held your plate for you while he conversed with your uncle and cousin.
"(y/n), why did you bring your boyfriend to the gathering?" Your cousin stopped you in the hallway just as you were exiting the bathroom. You took a slight step back, suddenly feeling how menacing her presence was.
"I didn't bring him, not planned to at least. You heard it earlier, my mother surprised me by inviting him and my father wanted to introduce him to the family." You spoke calmly.
"Do you know how humiliating and unfair it is with you parading him around in front of me?" She crossed her arms.
"What do you mean? What does San being friendly and nice have to do with you?" You frowned.
"You saw how interrogative they were with my boyfriend, they treated him so much like an outsider. It's unfair that they warmly welcome yours." She scoffed.
"Shouldn't you be finding issues with your boyfriend rather than issues with mine? It's not San's fault that he's better." You glared.
"How can you say that?" She gasped, obviously feeling the shock of someone speaking to her that way.
"Your boyfriend came in, dressed like a slop! He didn't bother to say hi and introduce himself, he just helped himself to the food and didn't bother to offer anyone help with anything. So those issues lie with your boyfriend, they have NOTHING to do with mine." You clenched your fist by your side.
"You-" She took a step forward.
"Hey, baby love. I was looking for- Is everything okay?" San came, a slight frown on his face when he realised it was you and your cousin, the tension in the air heavy and thick.
"I don't know, is it?" You raised your eyebrows at your cousin, making San glance at her as he slotted himself between you and her.
"No offence but this is a family issue, San sshi." Your cousin said with spite. You rolled your eyes.
"I am aware, I just want to try my best to protect (y/n) from anything that may upset her." San smiled. He didn't wait for her to react, or he didn't care.
"Let's go, your food's getting cold." He patted your head. You nodded and walked back out with him.
"Sit here." San naturally brought you to the balcony to sit with him on the bench for some privacy, bringing your plate and wine glass with him. The way he did it, no one paid any mind. He disappeared for a bit and came back with a throw blanket from your room.
"Thanks, San. I'm fine. Really, and this time I mean it when I'm fine." You chuckled as he draped the blanket over your lap so you wouldn't be cold.
"What happened?" He asked softly.
"Blaming you for things that have nothing to do with you. You know that I would take any insult but when it comes to you..." You sighed.
"My hero." San cooed teasingly, scratching your chin like you were a cat. You knew he did that because you always did that to him, comparing his likeness to that of a cat.
"You're always protecting me and being my rock. I can protect you too." You cleared your throat.
"Thank you, baby love. You're so cute. But you know I don't care what anyone else thinks. All that matters to me, is what you think."
"Well, I already think you're the most amazing person in the world and that I don't deserve you-" San stopped you by putting his hand over your mouth.
"There you go again, sprouting nonsense." He pouted with a frown. You laughed and held your hands up in defeat, stabbing a piece of meat to eat. San looked at you with pride and happiness, as if you were his whole world. And if you ask him, he'll probably say that you ARE his whole world.
"Shall I get you a refill of wine?" He offered, gesturing to your empty wine glass.
"No, it's okay, just stay here with me?" You asked.
"Of course, as long as you need." He smiled softly, letting you lean your head on his shoulder. Lacing fingers with you, he brought your hand up to kiss the back of it.
You were wrong, there was nothing for you to be scared of, bringing San to a family gathering.
It didn't bring you more stress and anxiety like you thought it would. Instead it made you feel reassured and comforted having him around, the same feeling San always gives you.
Your crazy, chaotic family didn't chase him away. They welcomed and accepted him, seeing him the same way that you do.
"I'm grateful I have you with me, Sannie. Not just here and now... but always." You squeezed his hand.
"I'm glad you feel that way because I'm not letting you go that easily. Plus, I think I can safely say most of your family loves me. Including your dad! He wanted me to drink wine with him and told me I could stay the night if I need to." He grinned proudly.
"Wow, that's really progress. Coming from my dad. I thought it would take a while more for him to be friendlier with you." You chuckled.
"He's just protective of his daughter like any father is. I would be too if my daughter was like you." He said. You rolled your eyes and snorted at his cheesiness.
"And this is a warning, I will be protective of our daughter. I'm serious." He said seriously.
"W-What are you saying now?" You grew flustered at his words and punched his arm, fanning your face. But deep down, you knew you would want nothing more than to have a future with San.
~
Masterlist
#kpop#kpop scenarios#kpop oneshot#ateez#ateez scenarios#ateez oneshot#ateez san#san ateez#san#san scenarios#san oneshot#san x reader#san x you#san x y/n#choi san#choi san scenarios#choi san oneshot#choi san x reader#ateez x reader#ateez imagines
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"Ego", The Final Boss
Olivia (she prefers to be called Liv) has been on quite the spiritual journey for a couple of years. She was born and raised Catholic, then as a teen she decided to leave the church because it didn't resonate with her. She went through a law of attraction phase, followed by law of assumption, and finally, she found non dualism from a few Twitter and Tumblr accounts.
The message, from what she gathered, was that she needed to fully drop the ego in order to realize her true self/true nature and to experience whatever she wanted. She even read a few books where realized masters have spoken about their own personal journeys of dropping ego and how life is generally more peaceful for them now that they've done so.
Now, Liv is one with a troubled past. She would give anything to become an entirely different person with no childhood trauma, and just a happy life all around. She meditated every single day, practiced "sitting in silence", and tried her hardest to detach from her "ego."
She stopped enjoying her usual hobbies out of fear of identifying too much with the character. She would go out of her way to correct thoughts that she felt were "too related to being the person." Needless to say, her mental health began to go downhill very fast.
One of her best friends, Marcus, decided to check up on her one day through face-time. "Hey sis! How have you been?! Haven't seen you in a while."
"Hey..." Liv answered. "I'm not doing all that great to be honest."
"Yeah I figured that. That's why I reached out to you," Marcus stated. "I'm worried about you. It seems like you barely leave the house. Everytime myself or anyone else tries to make plans with you, you either cancel last minute or come up with some bogus excuse as to why you can't come out."
Liv had to laugh because everything he said was true. "So I'm guessing you didn't believe the story about my pet rabbit dying."
Marcus cackled. "GIRL. I've known you for years and not once have you ever had a pet rabbit. Stop playing."
"Okay let me tell you what's really going on with me," Liv began, "So a few months ago I found this 'spiritual practice' called Non Dualism, and the premise of it is you need to 'let go of ego' in order to realize your true nature as God, or Awareness, whatever you want to call it. Also you get to experience whatever you want."
"So this is the reason why you've stopped enjoying your usual hobbies, and why you've stopped having a social life?" Marcus inquired. "I'm going to be honest here. As your friend, I feel like I owe it to you to tell you the Truth even if it isn't what you want to hear. I don't think that this 'practice' has helped you one bit. Either you have misinterpreted the message, or these people are spreading misinformation. Never at any point should you sacrifice your mental health for the sake of 'becoming enlightened.'"
"I don't know what else to do," Liv started to cry a little. "I just want to become a different person living a life full of happiness, one without trauma and constant reminders of my horrible past. I hate being this broken person!"
"It's okay hun, I totally understand," Marcus consoled her. "I can help you. You remember my family guru right? She hates being called that, but I don't know how else to refer to her. Her name is Sage. My family has gone to her for spiritual advice and healing for years."
"Yes, I remember her! Didn't she help your mom heal her lower back pain?" Liv asked excitedly.
"She sure did. I can give you her number if you want!"
After Liv ended her face-time call with Marcus, he gave her Sage's number. She immediately reached out to her to schedule a day where they can meet up.
- -
One day, Liv arrived at a beautiful park to discover Sage already sitting on one of the benches waiting. "Hi! I don't know if you remember me, I'm Marcus' friend Liv."
"Yes! Hi Liv, it's nice to see you again," Sage reached out and gave Liv a warm hug. "Now what can I help you with?"
Liv sat down next to Sage. "Well, I discovered Non dualism a few months ago, and I'm not sure if I misunderstood the message or not, but I thought you had to let go of ego in order to realize your true nature as awareness. And after you realize this, you can experience whatever you want. So long story short, I stopped enjoying life because I thought I had to do that in order to be enlightened."
Sage hesitated for a moment, and then smiled. "Think about it this way.. if it's true that our true nature is awareness, or God, whatever label you put on it, why would you have to go through these unnecessary steps in order to 'become' it? If that's what you already are in the first place?"
Liv opened her mouth to reply, then closed it again. Maybe Sage had a point.
"Here are my thoughts. If anyone is telling you to 'drop the ego', it's bullshit," Sage chuckled. "The point of Non Dualism is realizing that you were always awareness. You were always the awareness behind everything that seems to appear. The ever-stretching, limitless silence that can take on the form of anything. The ego is just a thought. The idea that you are not already fully realized is also just a thought. In reality, there's no ego or person here to let go of. No person here who needs to become 'fully realized.' Just drop the idea that you are a limited human that has to become something, and you'll be golden."
Liv's jaw dropped to the ground. "You're telling me it was THAT SIMPLE THIS ENTIRE TIME?"
Sage laughed heartily. "Yes it is. Why do you think it took masters like Lester or Sri Nisgardatta months or YEARS to 'realize Self?' because they spent so much time trying to get rid of an ego that doesn't exist!"
Liv let out a sigh of relief. "So there really is nothing to do. I can't believe I exerted all that effort for nothing. I do have one more question, how can I experience whatever I want knowing I'm awareness? I want to be a completely different person with a different past."
"The person you think you are now, and the one you want to be are both illusions. You, as awareness, can 'choose' either one like a costume. Everytime you think about this ideal version of you, you've already experienced it," Sage grinned.
Suddenly a wave of emotions flooded through Liv, a mixture of relief and happiness. She felt the urge to give Sage a tight hug. "Thank you so much for helping me today."
"You're so welcome, sweetie."
Good for Liv, she has finally accepted her omnipotence and freedom to experience anything!
#non dualism#nondualism#consciousness#awareness#self#self realization#another long story but i hope the message was clear
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'Ex' husband Gojo - You and I
Part 1
Tags- Gojo x fem reader, angst, self depreciation/suicidal stuff, miscarriage centered chapter
Synopsis- a look at both of their POVs, the aftermath a month later.
Satoru is devastated but so are you but worse...
22nd October, 2016...
22nd October of 2016 was when it happened. The Legal Separation between you and Satoru Gojo.
Fortunately or not but the whole fiasco never went outside the borders of The Gojo Estate, despite it involving a few 'third parties'.
Luckily, the servants of the house were on a week off or else by now you and Satoru would have become the new gossip of the town no doubt.
Mr Ijichi, an assistant director at the Jujutsu High and a very close and trusted accomplice of your husband... or ex husband, you can't decide.
He is probably the only person who knows about it, not in detail of course since Satoru is very specific on who he wants to be close with but yes, you suspect Mr Ijichi is a bit aware of what went down because he was the one driving the car on that day.
You also suspected at first that maybe Ms Shoko is also in light of the events because she is definitely someone who gets her information one way or the other and the fact Satoru might have... no! He has infact told Shoko about all of it.
When Satoru introduced you to the World of Jujutsu Society, Ms Shoko was the first he got you to meet with and since you have had good relationship with her.
Since your legal separation happened, Shoko and Ijichi have been a mediator, set up by Gojo, for communication since, you know it and so does everybody who knows Gojo Satoru, he's too prideful to go back wagging his tail where he's not needed. Or so he thinks.
Satoru thinks because of his work schedules, he is not able to spend time with you as your husband and not able give you the life you hoped for which definitely affected your mental health (as predicted by his six eyes) and thus you decided for a divorce.
But the new information that he got on that day from you made him realize maybe he was indeed wrong thinking that you are perhaps different from other women who only fell for the looks but mostly for the money and the status of the Gojo family in general.
He never had plans to marry in the Jujutsu Society or The human World (haha as if!) be it arranged or love. He did not care. He had plans to become the wise Sage or a Monk of wisdom, a teacher/mentor like in video games. But all of it changed when he met you, a simple average human.
You were the one who taught Satoru so much. You were the one made him realize that even the strongest sorcerer has a soft heart that has the capability of falling in love.
But what made him solidify his love, making him realize that yes he has fallen in love and he is glad it is you was when you (unknowing about his past with the incident with Riko and Toji) made him realize the fact that all humans are not same.
This was the last and final straw that made the fall for you really bad and sick. He wanted to marry you. But he never said it out loud because of the repercussions you would have to go through and that is why he protested as well when you brought up the topic of marriage.
But none of it matters
None of it
Not anymore
He is done
All humans are the same.
Greed
Lust
Money
Fame
Power
All humans are indeed the same...
Satoru has no interest in any sort of relationships anymore. Everything feels sour and bitter. All he knows now is his role. His role as the strongest sorcerer, a responsible mentor, as the Head of his Clan, Face of the Jujutsu Society altogether. These are his priorities.
Gojo would very much prefer a permanent sort of freedom from you now knowing your true face.
'Ugh awful, so disgusting. A whore? Really? Is that all you thought of yourself y/n when you voluntarily got physical with me before marriage?', he said to himself in his head.
The only reason Gojo sent Separation papers instead of divorce was because it would startle both of yours and his families. The society isn't kind to divorced women and that too the ex wife of the six eyes sorcerer. Oh what a wonderful way to make him vulnerable for the curses and curse users!
He can say whatever he want against you but somewhere, inside that beautiful big and kind heart of his, he wants to talk to you, talk things out, talk about your feelings and wants to listen. But his mind refuses to let down his walls, ever gain!
Days following the 22nd October, you mostly stayed locked up in your room while Mr Ijichi packed all of your husband's clothing and accessories.
Mr Ijichi isn't stupid, he knew it must be really hard for you that is why he tried his best to enter, collect the things and exit as quietly as he could.
'A whore? Why did you even say that you bitch. You really don't deserve ANYTHING in this world!', your days began with endless self loathing.
5th December, 2016
A lot happened in the month following the incident.
Most of your days were spent in self loathing because after your miscarriage at just 3 months, the doctor had declared that you're (uterus) not strong enough to carry a child.
These words are something a woman is most scared to ever hear in her life. And you were one of the unfortunates.
You had stopped taking your post miscarriage medications. You're mental health got worse as well due to continuous thoughts on how you acted up on impulses and ruined the only good thing you had. Days followed you couldn't even get the strength to get up from the bed every morning. Fading appetite lead to refusing food which further resulted to visible sunken cheeks.
The house staff didn't knew anything that took place during their week off and they had noticed changes around the household. From your behavior to the absence of the Head of the house. They were also worried for your health and didn't knew what to do.
The head of staff, Mr Kawaguchi, decided to make a call to the Master of the house since it is normal for him to be absent from the house due to his work.
Kawaguchi- Good morning Satoru sama. This is Kawaguchi from the house.
Gojo (a little annoyed)- I'm busy, call me later.
Kawaguchi- Sir actually there's a grave problem at the house.
Gojo (mockingly)- what? Did someone die or something? This better be important-
Kawaguchi- sir its Y/n sama. Y/n sama is not in good health.
Gojo (worried)- w- what?! What're you stupids doing? What happened to y/n? Is she okay? What did the doctors say?
Kawaguchi- uh about that sir... y/n sama didn't let us into her room and actually we had to... (nervously looks back at the the other staff, everyone nods)
Gojo- huh?
Kawaguchi- sir, we had to break into y/n sama's room. We have called the doctors and they'll-
Gojo- break into the room!? What is hap- Nevermind, I'm sending someone. You lot stay there and look after y/n till the docs arrive!
Kawaguchi- y- yes sir!
Gojo was now left worried at what the hell did he just hear on the call. 'What are you upto now y/n'. Is this some trick to bring him back out of pity and pretend nothing happened? That you, a month ago, didn't just randomly demand for a Divorce.
He was really annoyed and even if he wanted to go to the house he couldn't due to being out abroad for missions. He has been busy with overseas missions mostly after the separation.
He decided to send Shoko for a look and to inform him 'EVERY SINGLE DETAIL', verbatim.
Shoko was sitting at the morgue, smoking, when she received a call from Gojo.
'Ha? Gojo? At this hour?', she wondered.
"Yea?", Shoko said with her usual nonchalant voice.
"I need a favor"
Gojo explained her the situation to which she agreed without hesitant, knowing what has been going on between you two and now this.
When she arrived at the Gojo Estate, she was welcomed by the worried faces of the staff that guided her to your room.
She started observing every detail. She saw the entrance door, broken. The inside of the master bedroom, dim, even with long sliding doors facing the beautiful and bright gardens. There were half eaten bowls of food. A trolley with clothes overflowing.
Shoko turned to looked at you and felt her heart wrench a little at the sight of you. She was horrified and worried. She is usually a very calm and relaxed person but you, you really made her loose her calm.
She knows you and has seen you in your good days. In light yellow summer dress beside Gojo, all smiles to now? Like this. Dark circles umder eyes and slight sunken cheeks, chipped lips and several medications.... wait what medications?
There were already a doctor present in the room who declared that its just dehydration and that it'll be okay with a few medicines.
The servants thanked the doctor and ordered the medicines.
Meanwhile, Shoko was already in a shock. The medicines piled up beside you on the bed and the bedside table were... post miscarriage pills. She enquired the whole situation from the staff.
All while, the two women staff got you up in the bed and gave you water.
Eyes half open, you recognised what was happening. You passed out of dehydration and couldn't hear the knocks of the servants outside for breakfast. They were worried and tried the other doors, through the garden, but they were locked. So they broke the entrance and found still in the bed with pills surrounding you. They all got worried and one called the doctor and the head called Gojo.
Shoko noticed you were up and ordered the ladies to open the curtains and windows and leave her for a while. Afterall she's got some questioning to do in Gojo's behalf.
She extended her hand to hold your left hand. It seemed cold to touch. "Hello y/n. Remember me?"
You struggled to open your eyes and look.
"Don't worry i won't ask you how you're doing", she joked.
"But i will ask about the medications y/n. Do not lie. I'm a doctor too", Shoko knew now is not the time but she also knew that if you were pregnant then why didn't you tell Gojo because he obviously didn't know.
Your ears started ringing. And eyes welled up. You were reminded of it again. You wanted to just lay back down and bury yourself in the warmth of the blankets.
But the cat was out of the bag. Shoko is a doctor. She knows medicines. You cannot lie. You cannot hide. You have to be strong, you have to show her that everything is okay and Satoru needn't be worried, not like as if he is anyway.
"Please.", you mumbled, she had leaned in and caressed your knuckles. "Shoko, do not let anyone know of this, i beg of you."
"Shhh", she shushed you, "Don't say that. I won't. I promise"
She continued, "... but what about Satoru? You can't hide it from him. The child was his as much as it was yours-"
You cut her in, "Shoko i wanted to tell him! I wanted him and only HIM to be the first to get the news of the...", you struggled but continued, "...of the pregnancy. I got to know myself in the 2nd month and he was coming back home just next month, it was all perfectly going... until it wasn't".
Shoko was visibly upset. She didn't knew what to say. All she was aware of was the things Gojo told her...
He went home with gifts and souvenirs for you, you gave him divorce papers, he tried convince you not to, you weren't ready to listen, you said some hurtful things, he realised his place and agreed for separation over divorce.
Looking at you she can tell you would breakdown any moment.
And she was right.
You did.
You broke down in tears.
Hyperventilating you mumbled, "Shoko they said i can't have children! Can you believe that! I can't have kids! And I'm so stupid i brought out a f-fucking Divorce paper when Satoru came home."
"He was so angry with me i could feel it even if he wasn't! I'm stuck Shoko! I-i just - just want to go hide under a rock or maybe i should just kill mys-"
Shoko pulled you in for a hug. "Ah! Thats enough. That's enough. Shush now. Its okay."
"I won't tell Satoru, don't worry"
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Tags:
@autumn-slaves @wondermilka @hh0pe @chayunwoo @Enaaneaen @sweet-almonds @sindela @dazai-gojo-kinnie @whats-humanity-lol @thewickedofrizz @phantasmia @ghostllyyz @yihona-san06 @aesonsgirl @direwolf-5 @fairyyxsp @puroganggang @altyx @dianagracesworld @hermitkerm @leonesimp @minnerra @whitelittlebunny @letharue
#gojo satoru#jjk#gojo x reader#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jjk x reader#gojou satoru x reader#jjk fluff#gojo satoru fluff#gojo x reader fluff#jjk x reader fluff#gojou fluff#gojo fluff#gojo x reader smut#gojo smut#gojo satoru smut#jujutsu kaisen smut#gojo satoru angst#gojo x reader angst#jjk angst#jjk x reader angst#gojou angst#satoru gojo angst#gojo angst#gojou x reader#satoru gojo smut#gojou#gojo satoru x reader#gojou x reader fluff#gojou x reader smut#gojo headcanons
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i love your work sm! can you write a johnnie fic where he had a long day and the reader is cuddling with him and telling him how proud they are of him. i just feel like johnnie needs to hear it 🫶🏼 thank you!!
thank you SO SO SO much!! i absolutely can <3 I loved this prompt!!
my reqs are now closed but please come chat about jake and johnnie with me whenever!!
Tired
warnings : mentions of mental health and negativity, feelings of depression and sadness
word count : 811
pairing : johnnie guilbert/reader (romantic)
enjoy!!! <3
Content creation could take a lot out of a person, especially when they were already struggling with their mental health. Despite the fact that it could be more flexible than a more average job, it can still provide the same, if not more, amounts of stress. Once you start a career like that, especially when it gains following and attention, you have a large internet presence, and people on the internet can be so incredibly cruel. People are more confident than ever when they are hiding behind the safety of a screen, unlikely to be revealed, and that shows in any career with a majorly online platform.
This wasn’t to say that there weren’t a lot of positives to having a more internet focused career, like the flexible hours, and sometimes the pay is even better than any other job, if your following is big enough. And most of the time, the positives are enough to keep you going through the negative portions. However, sometimes those negative portions feel like they’re going to be the end of your career. Johnnie had been growing a large internet presence for years now, and had seen or gone through just about everything there was to see or go through. But that didn’t mean that it affected him any less, and sometimes, the fact that he had seen it before caused it to affect him more.
Today was one of those bad days, where the negative parts had gotten to be way too much. You weren’t aware of this quite yet, due to the fact that you weren’t home yet. You were on the way home, and had no idea that Johnnie’s work day had not gone as planned. His stream had ended abruptly, you knew that, and way before it was scheduled to end, but you had chalked it up to some technical mishap or something of the sort, as that difficulty did happen every once in a while. It wasn’t often, but you knew that it wouldn’t be too out of the norm, and it wouldn’t have raised many alarm bells with his fanbase. So, you weren’t worried at all, thinking you had no reason to be as you pulled into your garage, walking into the house and calling out that you were home.
You did become a little confused when you got no response. Johnnie always called back to you, regardless of whether he was working or not. You always came home at nearly exactly the same time, and he knew that, so whatever he had or was playing, he always had the volume down low enough so he could hear when you came in and began talking to him. Due to this, you went looking for him, gently knocking on his bedroom door when you realized it was locked. He had a key above his bedroom door, in case of any emergency, but you would never open it without his permission. You respected his privacy, and because of that, you spoke through the door, asking if he, or you, could open the door.
Once you received his affirmation that you could open it, you reached up to grab the key from the top of the doorway, and easily unlocked the door. Walking in, your heart felt like it was breaking. The room was as dark as possible, the shades on the windows closed tightly, no lights on, not even his monitors. Your boyfriend was nearly invisible, seemingly attempting to hide under his blankets, his back to you, completely ignoring the fact that you had just walked in. You sat down on the side of the bed, softly pulling the covers back and resting a hand on his shoulder.
“Baby, what’s going on?”
He didn’t turn to look at you, simply shrugging.
“Nothing. I’m fine.”
You stayed silent for a minute, laying down next to him and throwing the covers back over you both.
“You’re clearly not fine. But if you don’t want to talk about it, we don’t have to. Do you want a hug?”
He immediately turned over, letting you wrap your arms around him, and your heart broke into even more pieces when you saw the tear tracks staining his makeup free cheeks. He hid his face once he realized that you had noticed how it looked, refusing to speak, and just letting you hold him. You had absolutely no problems staying there as long as he needed you to be there, and it ended up being a couple of hours. You were hugging him, reminding him that he was loved, and that you were proud of him. You were sure that he would be back to his normal self soon, but you were more than happy to help him carry the emotional weight while he was struggling. After all, that’s what you do for the people you love.
#johnnie guilbert#johnnie guilbert fanfic#johnnie guilbert x reader#johnnie guilbert fic#johnnie guilbert fanfiction#johnnie and jake#fanfic#jake webber fluff#jake webber fanfic#jake webber fanfiction#jake webber#jake and johnnie#johnnie guilbert smut
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Persona Fun Facts Pt. 2
Everyone seemed to like the last entry so here's the sequel. Reminder that all these facts were taken from Atlus' fanbooks and novels (and some even from the Persona Stalker Club).
Another reason Mitsuru worried about Minato was because he had a tight schedule, was pale, and never complained about anything nor mentioned if something was bothering him 🥺
Iwai likes to watch reruns of old Western films (I wonder what's his favorite movie).
Ryuji's mother has the personality of a loud, older sister.
Lisa knows how to snowboard.
The necktie Adachi is wearing is probably Dojima's.
Shiho is "drawn to what she doesn't have".
If he won 700 million yen, Akechi would travel the world.
Tatsuya's handwriting is shit.
In his briefcase, Akechi carries a set of student supplies, food, water, and free samples of sweets and cosmetics people give him.
Yu was the type of person who wanted to be seen as wise beyond his years and more of an adult than he really was. He grew out of it by the end of the game by becoming an actually mature person.
Chihaya redesigns clothes.
The first thing Ulala did after realizing her ex was scamming her was call Maya to a restaurant where they got drinks.
Yusuke would be okay with crossdressing if he felt it would help him discover the secret of beauty.
Junes wages are 690 yen per hour for high school students and 900 yen per hour for the rest.
Jin was the member of Strega in charge of raising funds and taking care of meals.
Maruki is aware of the relationship between food and mental health, so he always tries to eat a balanced diet (with cheap ingredients that won't affect his mental health by being a financial burden).
Yukari's mother, Risako, was financially blessed and came from a good family associated with the Kirijo Group.
The Shiroganes have a butler named Yakushiji who has served them for three generations. He, along with Grandpa Shirogane, was Naoto's main caretaker growing up.
The place where Ken's house used to be is now a parking lot.
Junpei's father failed in business.
Akechi's ideal type of lover is "someone who can give [him] space".
Dojima bought Nanako's clothes at Junes.
Maya always keeps a can of crab in her purse... that's her lunch at work. 😔
Futaba is more specific when it comes to her ideal lover. I'm just going to copy and paste here: "Their specs must be just as follows: must be more of an indoors person more than an outdoors one, won’t barge selfishly into people’s room to clean without the owner’s consent, old fashioned romantic and can sing all the theme songs of Neo Featherman."
Yosuke and Kanji aren't the only ones who dye their hair. Chie also dyes hers.
Kandori sealed his deal with Nyarly by strangling his lover/coworker, Mayo Miyashita, to death. He seemed kind of in a trance while he did so (a lot was from Mayo's POV), so it's up to you to decide how much agency he had in that murder.
Members of Strega don't even know their real names (this won't deter me from the "Chidori is Natsumi's daughter theory"). They also steal household goods and clothes during the night.
Elly has twin sisters.
I can't remember if I included this one in the last post, but here it goes again. After Makoto pointed out how difficult taking care of lobsters would be, Yusuke ate them with tears in his eyes.
#and of course everyone know that yosuke listens to linkin park and nickelback but here it goes in the tags just in case#persona 1#persona 2#persona 3#persona 4#persona 5#i like to make lists!
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Heartbreak Anniversary
Summary: Love, break up and healing
Words: 873
A/N: Going through it right now
Meeting Jenna Ortega felt like a scene out of a movie. We were introduced by a mutual friend at a small gathering in Los Angeles. I had always been a fan of her work, admiring her talent and charisma from afar. The moment our eyes met, it felt like destiny. We clicked instantly, laughing and sharing stories late into the night. Jenna’s warmth and kindness were intoxicating, and it wasn’t long before we became inseparable.
My past was a tapestry of pain, woven from a troubled childhood with abusive and distant parents. Having Jenna in my life felt like a blessing, a beacon of hope that illuminated my darkest days. Our love blossomed quickly, and we spent every waking moment together, filling the voids in each other’s hearts.
As months passed, our bond grew stronger. We were inseparable, sharing dreams and fears, building a sanctuary of love and trust. But as they say, good things don’t last forever. Jenna landed a role in a new TV show that required her to be abroad for almost a year. The thought of being apart was unbearable, but I was adamant that our love could withstand the distance. Jenna, however, had reservations about a long-distance relationship, yet she agreed, trusting my optimism.
From the beginning, Jenna insisted on keeping our relationship a secret. She was adamant that her public image remain untarnished by the complications of a personal relationship. I understood her reasons but felt the sting of being hidden away, a secret love that couldn't be shared with the world.
The first few months were filled with constant communication. We texted, called, and video chatted every chance we got. But as Jenna’s schedule became more demanding, the messages became sparse, and calls went unanswered. My mental health began to spiral as I grappled with the fear of losing her. The distance wasn’t just physical; it started to feel emotional too. Despite my pleas, Jenna never offered to fly me out to visit her. I felt like an afterthought, a hidden part of her life that she could easily compartmentalize.
Then came the rumors. Social media buzzed with speculation about Jenna and her co-star, Emma. Paparazzi photos showed them together, looking cozy on multiple occasions. My heart shattered. Was I not good enough? The tabloids only fueled my insecurities, and soon, the story was everywhere.
Jenna called, knowing I had seen the articles. She assured me they were just rumors, that Emma was a good friend who supported her on tough days. I wanted to believe her, but the growing distance and lack of communication made it hard. I felt like I was begging for her attention, for her love. Jenna promised things would get better once her schedule eased up, but deep down, doubt began to take root.
Weeks turned into months, and nothing changed. I was tired of being the one holding on. I stopped updating Jenna about my life, stopped sending her good morning texts and detailed paragraphs about my day. My silence was met with indifference. Jenna didn’t reach out to mend the growing rift between us. I began to disassociate from the relationship, protecting my heart from further pain.
Then one day, Jenna called. Her voice was calm but distant. She said she couldn’t give me what I needed and ended our relationship. My heart shattered into a million pieces. How could she give up so easily after a year of being together? The pain was unbearable, but I knew I had to respect her decision. Tears streamed down my face as I realized it was over.
Months passed, and Jenna returned home, her show finally wrapped. She tried to adjust to life without her co-stars, without the constant bustle of work. Alone with her thoughts, Jenna began to regret breaking up with me. She tried reaching out, but I didn’t respond. I had moved on, surrounding myself with friends and family, picking up new hobbies, and slowly piecing my life back together. It was a painful process, filled with nights of tears and self-doubt, but I was finally starting to feel like I could breathe again.
Then came the event. I was working backstage, busy with preparations, when I saw her. Jenna walked into the dressing room, and our eyes met. She came up to me and said hi, her voice filled with nostalgia and regret. She told me she missed me, and for a moment, the world stopped. I smiled, acknowledging her words. Jenna said I looked great and was happy to see me thriving. Little did she know, I had spent countless nights crying over her, battling my demons in silence. But I had emerged stronger.
I told Jenna I was proud of her, that I always knew she was destined for great things. We both smiled, a bittersweet acknowledgment of what we had and what we lost. We knew the road had ended there. With a final embrace, we parted ways, thankful for the love we shared when we needed it most.
Every story has an ending, and ours was no different. Jenna and I went our separate ways, carrying the memories of our love. It wasn’t a fairytale, but it was real. And sometimes, that’s enough. In another universe, we would have been together.
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Ways I'm taking care of myself and having fun this holiday season
Hey girlies! For this lovely month I will be writing this blog, on which I will tell you the ways that come up to my mind of how I am taking care of myself and having fun this month. I know for some people it's hard to get though winter (just like me...) and that's the reason behind this post. I hope it can help you out!
The list
Modified my sleep schedule: Since I am a morning person, I modified my alarms to have a sleep schedule that it's comfortable for me to be active during the day while having sun.
Modified my routines and created new ones: I looked out how to make my routines more pleasing to do. Including the previous point, I added more time to do certain habits, making the routines longer and enjoying doing them more instead of feeling rushed. I also included habits I really love to do!
Dressing up every day: Since I no longer go to classes I am staying home all day long. So, to not lose my habit of getting myself done I get ready as if it was another day. It makes me feel confident, beautiful and helps me be productive.
Bought Christmas scented products: I bought a new body mist, candle and body cream from Bath&Bodyworks and I feel so happy since they smell so good! (Btw, it's the Strawberry Snowflakes scent, so delicious! I wish to buy a hand lotion and lipgloss)
Listen to Christmas songs and songs that give me wintry vibes.
Romanticize my days: Some ways I do this are preparing for myself cute snacks, buying coffee, lighting up a candle, taking pictures, listening to music and getting ready (which some I have already mentioned)
Step into my feminine energy and live a soft lifestyle: Since I am free, I am stepping into soft productivity and my feminine energy. I have been feeling calmer, kinder, more intuitive and even more in a control that feels peaceful and flowing!
Get out to get some sun!
Spent time with the people I love!: I will be having lots of events this month, which I am grateful for since connection is important for our social and mental health. I will do Christmas activities with them, celebrating the holidays and birthdays!
Take the time to take care of myself: This includes things like eating healthy, sleeping well, learning to cook and bake, taking my vitamins, follow my pampering routine and investing in quality products, level up my style, do the: activities, hobbies and habits that I love, invest my time in learning new skills, etc. With all this free time, is inevitable for me to not take care of myself and improve my lifestyle
Arranged my room and closet: New environment and style feels like a fresh start for me! I feel more comfy and cozy in my room and I am loving my new clean pink girl style!
Activities I will do this holidays
Write my Christmas wishlist for Santa
Buying gifts for my family and girlfriends
Decor my Christmas three and house
Baking cookies
Having a Christmas sleepover
Watching Christmas movies
Celebrating New Years day in another city
Trying Christmas flavors in coffee shops and restaurants
It's the most wondeful time of the year! 𑄽𑄺ྀ
#dream girl#girljournal#hyper feminine#it girl#motivation#my diary#pink aesthetic#pink blog#that girl#clean girl#wonyoungism#thewizardliz#song jia#dream girl tips#becoming that girl#it girl energy#pink and white#pink#pink moodboard#pink girl#pinterest girl#girlblogging#this is a girlblog#girly things#girly blog#just girly things#girly tumblr#just girly thoughts#just girly posts#girly aesthetic
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Comments from Yana on adaptations:
"Black Butler often diverges from the original story and character details when it is adapted into different forms of media. But they were changes that I left to others, made under a contract that I agreed to.
I consider my job to be just the original manga, as I can draw what I wish while collaborating with my editor.
I am really just one person, and I cannot do it all no matter how hard I try. So I preferred letting other creators do as they like. If I am asked to oversee and/or create for an adaptation, it depends on my availability and the compensation being offered. Sometimes I am not asked to participate in an adaptation at all, and other times a mountain of things will be submitted for my approval.
For works outside of Black Butler I am often not the copyright holder, so oftentimes I will not know what kind of adaptations are being planned. When something comes up I will do my best if I am asked to participate, but if I am not approached, I leave it to them.
There are also times when I just cannot accept requests to participate in the creation of an adaptation due to scheduling conflicts. If my schedule can’t align with the other party’s milestones, there is just nothing to do be done about it. I believe that there are a lot of artists who leave adaptations of their work to others for that reason, and it does not mean that they lack affection for their work.
There are a lot of artists who oversee adaptations of their work for free or work far beyond the scope of what they are being compensated for, because it is for their beloved art, which is like their child. But there is nothing more important than your mental and physical health and everyone has different limitations, so I hope people will refrain from comparing artists and saying things like, 'B-sensei won’t do it, even though A-sensei does. B-sensei must not have any affection for their own work.'
Once, at a thank-you party, a new artist came up to me and said, 'Toboso-sensei has never taken a hiatus, so I don’t want to take one, either,' and I immediately told them, 'I think it’s much more important to not push yourself. I’ve just been lucky—that’s all.' There is nothing wrong with aspiring to be like someone else, but I do not think it is right to compare yourself to others."
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ILLICIT AFFAIRS.
Pairing: Jim x Fem!Reader.
Song: Illicit Affairs by Taylor Swift.
Word Count: 8.3k.
Summary: You were friends with Jim but slowly you began to have a crush on him which became more than you could bear as he was already married but that didn’t stop the both of you.
please ignore the cliche plot the smut makes up for it, I swear. :')
+ WARNINGS: smut (18+!) angst, Jim being soft, fingering, p in v, no protection, praise kink, adultery, cursing.
~~
You messed up.
That’s it. You messed up.
You allowed yourself to be carried away and swept up within the moment that wasn’t even supposed to happen. if it weren’t for the way he was gazing at you with his piercing yet mesmerizing pale blue hues or maybe the way he grazed you with his finger tips that sent small sparks throughout your body then maybe just maybe you wouldn’t have ended up bare in the sheets with the man who was already married..
Married to another woman..
The worst part out of all of this, is that you knew he was married. The fact that you knew and you allowed it to happen. You have every right to feel revolted with yourself right now. If the universe or god or any great entity that controlled this vast universe it definitely knows how much you loathe yourself right now. You needed to slow down and think about how this even happened.
You lived in a Suburban neighborhood– in Dublin, east coast of Ireland. A single mother with a beautiful nine year old daughter named Mary, a journalist for your own advice column and a part time Pilates trainer at a studio that your sister owned. As far as you knew, your life was normal. Between spending time with your daughter and your jobs, your schedule flowed perfectly together. You would be able to drop Mary off in the morning for school, teach class later on in the morning and you would be able to go home during the day to work on your advice column before picking Mary up from school, then the cycle repeats unless otherwise.
You’ve always been on your own. Having a daughter and two jobs, your love life was a punchline of a lame joke. In case you are wondering about Mary’s father, that’s a whole other story of its own, let’s just say he was completely out of the picture.
You would be lying if you told someone that it didn’t feel lonely sometimes. It was lonely, it was incredibly lonely; of course you’ve made multiple attempts to at least go out on a few dates and have a nightstand if you were lucky enough but most of the time those don’t even work out.
And It’s not because you weren’t attractive, no it was quite the opposite. In fact, you were quite beautiful– which was ironic for you because when you were younger your father called you the ugly duckling between you and your sister but then you prospered into a beautiful swan as you grew older. Like any normal person you still have your insecurities (no thanks to dad) yet overall you felt secure with yourself.
Clearly, your beauty wasn't the reason why your love life was shriveling away like a dried up raisin. It was the fact that you were picky, and you knew your heart wouldn’t always be completely in it. You weren’t that kind of person to simply have one night stands– but you admire those who do without forming any kind of connection that wasn’t only based on physical attraction.
You’ve tried and even though it felt good to have that void in your chest to be filled in that moment, the lingering feeling of desolation and melancholy always crawls its way back in. It wasn’t good for your mental health and it wasn’t good for your daughter. So you were only left with your jobs and your delusions of a love life to suddenly appear. But you knew deep down that Mary deserved a good father figure while she’s still young and you shouldn’t put so much hope into your fantasies.
Mary was a sweet girl, too sweet for her own good– she has a beautiful mix of your features and her father’s. The features that she shared from her father never bothered you either as you knew it wasn’t her fault that she was placed here on this earth because you didn’t wrap it until you tapped it. Of course, you and Mary’s relationship wasn’t always perfect but you wouldn’t have it any other way. You love her regardless– with all of your heart. Mary was the ray of sunshine you had in your life and you were more than happy to be her mother.
Knowing how kindhearted and smart your daughter was, she had many friends in her school. Even during teacher and parent conferences you’ve always been told many times how she loved helping the other kids, and the only times she would get in trouble was due to how talkative she was and you didn’t think it was a problem either.
And that’s how you met him.
It was a gray and cloudy weekday, as you got off the phone with Mary’s teacher claiming that it was after school and Mary was waiting for you. Accidently getting caught up with your advice catalog time went by over your head without even realizing and now your child is sitting in the school alone and you knew she was going to be a little..not little definitely upset with you.
“Shit, shit, shit, shit!” Curses and all other kinds of profanities spilled from your lips as you frantically slipped on your mini cotton black trench coat. Your foot practically kicked down your front door before running like a trackstar to your car. Fortunately you didn’t live too far from the school and, without getting caught speeding past red lights, you managed to arrive at school where your daughter was currently waiting at.
Your hasty footsteps echoed throughout the hallways of the school as you moved through with only one destination in mind, which was your child’s classroom. Once you were close to the classroom where Mary was, you halted in your footsteps as you watched Mary leave the classroom with two other kids, a boy and a girl and then a man. A man that you knew well wasn't Mary’s teacher so you assumed that it must be the other children’s father.
Furrowing your slightly together you couldn’t help but to feel a little confused but relieved that at least you weren’t the only parent that wasn’t perfect. But it also did make you feel a bit skeptical as it is why a random man would be with kids and your only daughter.
“Mary!” You called out to her, your tone airy yet smooth which caught the attention of your daughter and the man. Immediately, your mind stopped racing and your heart leaped from your chest as his entrancing stunning ocean eyes met yours. It was as if his eyes had some deep hidden meaning behind them, it almost made you feel a little intimidated– how tired yet pierce his eyes were. His figure was lean but the broadness of his chest also stood out, along with his dark but slightly graying tresses, his sharp jawline, high cheekbones, his plump yet light pink lips, and smooth yet freckled fair skin…
Pretty.. You thought.
But as quickly as you fell in a captivated daze you quickly pulled yourself out of it the same way, you knew well that you were attracted to this man but considering how he was here and with kids– you can assume he is married or hope he wasn’t a random stranger.
“Mom!” You hear Mary call out happily as she walks towards you. A wholehearted smile took over your lips as you lovingly gazed down at her, allowing your hand to gently caress her back pulling her to your side. Thank god that she wasn’t upset with you. “I am so sorry, babygirl, I lost track of time.” You said softly as you felt Mary raise her head up to look at you. “It’s okay, I was with them.” she responded looking over at the alluring man and his kids who were in fact walking in your direction.
With each step he took you could feel your heart pound in your chest as he was now approaching you, his hands stuffed in his dark blue puffy jacket along with his kids who followed behind him and soon had their own conversation with Mary.
The man only gave you an awkward half smile as his gaze never left your form, you can tell that he was definitely on the reserved side. “Hi, you’re their father?” You asked giving him a little smile in return, then you couldn’t help but to mentally slap yourself a little bit with the question as you noticed in fact the boy and girl that were talking to Mary did in fact look like him. You watched as the man blinked in confusion for a moment, being thrown off by your question– you could feel the conversation instantly dying before it even started.
A dry airy chuckle left your lips as you felt yourself cringe, “I-I’m sorry, stupid question– I was just..” before you could finish your sentence you heard a deep chuckle coming from him stopping you from rambling. “No, No it’s fine.” He says softly, shaking his head for a second with the same ghostly smile. “I get it, I would wonder the same thing if a random man would be standing with my kids too, it would be really weird..” he paused for a moment before continuing, “I-uh, I was also late picking up my kids so yeah..” He briefly elaborated as you felt yourself relax as another gentle relieved chuckle left your lips, watching him. His voice was smooth and sonorous, it sent unwavering shivers throughout your body. Just by looking at him– he had a lingering forlorn yet cryptic aura surrounding him and it was reeling you in like a moth to a light. You hoped you didn’t look too obvious.
“I totally get you, I was just caught up with work that I didn’t realize that time flew by, you know?” You smiled warmly and for a moment you thought you saw him falter.
“I’m Y/N.”
You watched as his little timid faint grin formed into a genuine smile. It was as if air was caught in your throat, your heart fluttered at the sight of his smile. You felt proud of yourself that you managed to make him smile.
“Jim..Nice to meet you.” He introduced himself politely as he extended his hand towards you which you did your best not to look eager to grab and shook his hand in a little handshake. You immediately caught the golden band on his finger indicating he was indeed vowed to someone else. You couldn’t help but not be able to suppress the disappointment that flooded through your body. He had a wife and kids.The forced mentality of ‘it is what it is’ came into mind. And the attraction you had for Jim will most likely be temporary.
Unfortunately, the kids manage to break the tension between you, asking if they can walk together. You and Jim didn’t mind as you all walked out of the school together. You managed to hold a longer conversation with him, taking the opportunity to get to know him better.
Jim was definitely a man with a few words, and was more listening to you than you listening to him but he still present with you in the conversation. You both share a mutual affection for your kids, and you both worked at home– it was nice to share similarities with someone, to you it always made you feel like you were understood better, and you hoped he felt the same way. Although it's not uncommon to understand another parent- but between you and Jim you both just want to get through the day.
Luckily, It wasn’t just you that genuinely enjoyed his company as he offered to exchange numbers before parting ways. As this began to possibly be the start of a beautiful friendship for you.
You knew you were going to see him again soon, maybe for the rest of the following week. And you were right, when you picked up Mary on time for the rest of the week you would sometimes see Jim walk out with his kids. You two would exchange waves and polite smiles then carry on. Despite exchanging numbers neither of you made the first move to send a text first. You felt a little disappointed but you knew that maybe it was for the best and you shouldn’t look for some sort of connection that wasn’t there in the first place, let alone a text.
Jim has a wife. That is that — you two are also just acquaintances, and your kids are friends. That is all. Yet, that didn’t stop your thoughts always trailing back to him– and you began to feel a little angry with yourself for it. Were you truly so lonely to be thinking about a man you only had spoken once?
What is wrong with you?
Get over this crush already.
This would go on until the end of the week on a Friday, just as you and your daughter got home from school, a gentle ding emitted from your pocket. Stepping into the house, closing the door behind you, you took out your phone. You didn’t get to see who texted you as you heard Mary’s loud footsteps run off to the kitchen leaving her jacket on the floor along with her book bag..
“Mom, I am going to have a cookie!” she said loudly before you could respond you already heard the cabinet shut. Shaking your head you released an exasperated sigh, “Mary, please pick up after yourself! And don’t eat all of them!” You responded raising your voice a little bit while locking the door behind you.
Another ding went off on your phone once more adding waves to your annoyance. Who was trying to contact you? A gentle frown painted over your lips as your hand reached into the buttpocket of your jeans to grab your phone to see that you got a message from an unknown number.
Hey, It’s the random man from school.
Kidding, it’s me Jim.
You felt your heart stop beating in your chest for a split moment as you vacantly stared down at the gray text bubbles that were on your little phone screen. You felt many waves of emotions crash down on you– denial, shock, guilt, and then excitement. Gradually a ghostly smile was painted on your lips replacing the gentle frown that was present a few moments ago, just when you began to accept that nothing was going to happen.
It was funnily convenient.
You didn’t gloss over the fact that he remembered your conversation when you guys first spoke to each other as you felt your heart skip a beat once more.
Had he been thinking about you as well?
You can still be wrong that maybe he just wanted to ask you something about school or your kids and that would still be fine. This was nothing, harmless– this wouldn’t escalate to anything more. Just keep it short and simple.
After a few minutes of typing and deleting your message multiple times to think how you should respond due to your mixed emotions of anxiety and excitement— you finally responded to him.
Hi, Jim! Lol. How are you?
You had no idea that after sending back that one message, you guys would be texting for the rest of that day.
** **
It is strange how someone can go from being a stranger to a good friend to someone you ended up falling for. You knew it was a bad idea the minute you laid your eyes on him and somehow like a black hole Jim effortlessly sucked you in. Ever since the first text he had sent you, you guys began to talk everyday; through texts, and eventually calls. It only has been a few weeks since you guys first met.
You even discovered that he only lived a few blocks away from you which resulted in a lot of Mary having playdates with his daughter. This became a normal thing, almost every Friday Mary would have these playdates. The first time when he was at your house it was a bit awkward since you were used to only talking to him over text or calls but with a cup of coffee you both relaxed and talked how you guys normally do in the dining room while the girls would be hanging out in Mary’s room.
It also didn’t help how being around his calming presence made you feel so comfortable, made you feel like you could tell him anything and he would just listen to you.
You often wondered if his wife knew about your friendship with him, or if she even knew about you at all. She probably does since her daughter occasionally hangs out with Mary almost every Friday, you knew you shouldn’t even be thinking about those kinds of things.
Everything felt good, way too good. And with your luck you knew when things feel way too good, that means things were going to take a painful turn.
Sitting criss cross on your living room couch alone in the house on a Tuesday afternoon, you were on the phone with Jim. As usual with a dumb happy grin on your face you guys talked and it ended up with him assisting you with your advice column on your laptop.
“A twenty year old girl in college got heartbroken by her boyfriend she dated since childhood because he cheated on her and she wants to go back and talk to him but she knows it’s wrong. What should she do?” You asked as the grin never wavered from your lips.
“Maybe go to more parties and get wasted and she’ll find another guy by the end of the second semester?” You jokingly snickered as you leaned back against the couch, your muscles easing into the cushions. Hearing Jim’s light chuckle on the other line of the phone.
“God no. What kind of fucking advice is that?” Jim asked playfully, still chuckling softly, you could feel your heart flutter at the sound that came from him.
“Okay, Okay, fine– I am not going to say that. But she is only twenty and she has so many other things to worry about other than a boy. Like her possible career and her friends and her future! And she should try and focus on that instead.” You exclaimed.
“That is much better. Way better than the last answer.” Jim responded, causing you to laugh softly, shaking your head slightly as your gaze stared down at your laptop, your fingers gently pressing on the letters on your keyboard, typing up your answer.
“Alright done, give this a listen.”
“Shoot.”
You cleared your throat a little bit as you began to read. “You lost someone important to you, and how you feel is completely valid. But you have to feel your feelings out, and try to focus on what’s really important. Such as yourself, your career, and future– going back to him won’t change what happened. Remember that you have friends and family to support you. And that you’re not alone in this. All you can do is try to take care of yourself.”
Jim was silent, as you finished reading which caused you to fiddle in your seat a little.
“Thoughts?” You asked wondering what he was thinking.
“That was good, pretty good.” He responded nonchalantly, almost being blunt which caused you to worry a little bit, your grin faltering slightly.
“Is that all? Should I add more? It sounds like you don’t like it.” You asked reluctantly.
Jim was quick to encounter your statement. “No,no,no! I do. I really do like it. It’s really sweet of you, It’s lovely, you’re lovely.”
You could feel the blood rushing up into your cheeks, turning into a harsh crimson hue. Who knew a simple compliment could make you feel so smitten? Silence hovered over the two of you for a moment until Jim was the first one to break it.
“Y/N?” He called out to you softly pulling you out from your daze. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to go silent on you.” You chuckled nervously. It was just his last comment.
“No it’s fine..” He paused for a moment. “I don’t know what has come over me.” Jim said softly back to his timid tone. This only made your heart race once more as you sighed softly.
“I appreciate it, thank you for being my assistant.” You did your best to save this conversation from turning tense. And it felt like it didn’t make the slightest difference.
“I mean it, you know?”
You paused once more the burning sensation in your cheeks didn’t change. Now intently listening to him as you can hear him about to say more.
“You really are lovely, Y/N..I mean it.”
There it was…That tension again, the suffocating tension that made you feel like you were drowning. And within that moment, like a wave crashing and meeting the ocean shore, you knew that you were falling hard for him, wiping the grin that was on your lips away.
Then the golden band on his finger flashed in your mind.
No, you can’t do this.
“Jim, what do you mean by that?” You asked him hesitantly yet firmly as you removed your laptop from your grasp before grabbing your phone, taking it off of the speaker and pressing it against your ear.
“What do you mean by what I mean?” He asked, sounding a bit taken back by your sudden question. “Did I say something wrong?”
“No, I was just…I don’t know how to explain it but that felt like more than a compliment.” You stated as you paused once more, were you overthinking this? You were about to open your mouth to cut the silence but then Jim interrupted you.
“Because it was more than a compliment.”
In that moment, It was as if something took over your body and possessed you, this confession spilled from your lips like vomit.
“Jim, I think I am falling for you.” You breathed out.
Then a tense silence completely consumed the both of you.
Oh fuck, did I really say that!? You mentally wanted to slam your face against the table. Fuck, you had to fix this quick. No, there was no way of fixing this now, you fucking blew it.
“Jim, I'm sorry. You’re married and I shouldn’t have said that. Fuck, I am an idiot, I am so so sorry.” You began to ramble, not letting Jim be able to interrupt you. “Y/N wait, wait-” but you weren’t listening as your thumb slammed on the red at the bottom of your screen ending the call.
This was a long awaited painful turn that you’ve brought on yourself. Now all that was left was you and your panicked and raging thoughts. You clearly took it too far, getting caught up in the moment that it left you feeling like an idiot.
** **
It was your day off today from the Pilates studio and you didn’t have to do much for your advice column. So for the rest of that morning you took the time to clean up the house. Mary was in school so it was just you alone at home– singing softly to yourself as you were finishing up with doing laundry. Neatly folding what was last of the laundry in your basket, feeling the warmth of the fresh cotton fabric between your fingers before placing it with the other piles of clothes on your bed.
It has been two days since your confession with Jim. You did what was best for you, and you began ignoring his texts and dodged his calls. This was morally wrong and you didn’t want to embarrass yourself even more.
“And you know damn well..For you, I would ruin myself, A million little times..”
You sang softly as the tender melody came to an end on your phone dying down, you would glance at your phone a few times that was sitting on your nightstand, in hopes you would catch your phone displaying Jim’s name across the screen but to your disappointment it didn’t, why would it? So you can ignore it more or have a war with yourself whether you should drop the silent treatment or not? No. At this point you would understand why he would give up.
A gentle sigh leaving your lips as your mind begins to aimlessly wander about your conflicted feelings. You want to believe that it would remain as a friendship but you knew damn well that slowly this entire time it turned more than a friendship to you. Feelings were completely one sided, he was married and he was only being kind to you because both of your daughters are friends. You were scared that harboring these feelings would become so heavy that eventually it’ll crush you and it did. You were playing with fire and you got burned.
Just as the next song on your phone began to play, a loud knock on your front door echoed throughout the house shaking you out of your thoughts. Feeling your brows knit together you walked out of your room heading towards the front door.
Who could that be?
You wondered as your hand gently grasped the doorknob pulling it open to reveal Jim gazing at you with a bit of desperate yet defeated expression with his phone in hand.
It was like you were faced with a jumpscare as you felt your eyes widen and without thinking you tried to close the door on Jim but he was too quick as he managed to slip his shoe between the door leaving it ajar. “Y-Y/N, please can we talk? Please just for a second.” He said in a deep raspy tone. His voice crack manages to burn itself into your mind.
You stood still for a moment before opening the door more widely for him to step into your house, now alone just between you and the married man you had fallen for. You took a few steps back away from him with your arms folded over your chest, your gaze not leaving his form. Once he was inside the house he closed the door behind him– “You didn’t think of picking up your phone when I called you? Or my texts?” He asked, sounding a bit tired as his piercing yet stunning ripples of ocean blue gaze bore into yours, spawning goosebumps on your skin.
“How could I after that? So I can embarrass myself some more?” You asked with sarcasm evidently dripping from your tone as you watched Jim roll his eyes a little at your remark. “I am serious, Y/N.” He said, sounding a little more soft as he took a step towards you.
“So am I, Jim. You’re my friend, I was stupid, I shouldn’t have said what I said, you’re married and–” You weren’t sure how much your heart could take at this moment. It was hammering so hard that it felt like it was building something, along with the backflips your stomach was doing it was becoming agonizing.
You could feel his warmth from where you were standing as you broke away from his gaze as you turned your head away from him but only for Jim to gingerly cup your cheek turning your face back to look at him immediately putting an end to your rambles. “Hang on a second, hang on a second Y/N..” Jim said his tone was still soft, as he looked down at you his lips curled slightly down forming a frown his eyebrows knitted slightly together causing a little wrinkles to form between them. His touch was so warm you did your best not to melt into him.
“This is so fucking mortifying Jim, you shouldn’t even be here.” You could feel your throat go dry as your eyes became misty, placing your hand over his shoulder weakly attempting to push him away but he stayed still in his spot. “Listen to me, please.” You kept your gaze down refusing to meet his gaze.
“You’re not an idiot for telling me how you felt that day alright? Don’t think that I haven’t thought of you the same way. I have. If I didn't, I wouldn’t have told you that a compliment was meant to be more.” Jim exclaimed quietly a gentle airy dry chuckle leaving his lips as his thumb gently caressed your cheekbone. You only shook your head as you used your freehand to gently pull his hand away from your cheek and it only resulted in him intertwining your fingers together.
“You’re lying.You were just being polite.” You said your breathing became uneven, clenching your jaw slightly– you didn’t realize how you were shaking in his grasp. Jim only continued to keep you close and you couldn’t find yourself pulling away from him, your hand still in his.
This was happening, really happening.
“I-I, Why would I lie to you about that?” He asked in a genuine yearning tone. “Because you feel bad for me. I am a single mother alone here with no one to talk to of course you would.” You snapped suddenly feeling a little aggressive but Jim didn’t seem fazed by it.
“That isn’t true at all, Y/N. Not even close.” You can detect the hurt and how despondent he felt in his voice, the need to prove himself to you. You remained silent as you continued averting your gaze from his and he seemed to notice it as he called out to you once more.
“Look at me..”
You closed your eyes for a moment, keeping your chin faintly down completely avoiding his gaze, as you knew if you looked at him you would completely succumb to him.
“Y/N… Look at me.” He softly implored once more.
After a few moments, you sighed quietly and you finally complied, opening your eyes looking back up at him as he gazed down at you with a gentle expression. It was like he knew how fragile you felt in this moment. You watched at how his eyes flickered at your features to your eyes then back to your lips, causing your features to soften.
Both of you remained silent as he gently squeezed your hand before releasing your hand, attentively, he placed your palm against his chest. You can feel his heart beating rapidly against your palm, like his heart was trying to burst free from his chest cavity. “Feel that?” Jim breathed out as he gazed down at you, keeping your palm firmly against his chest. “My heart is beating out of my chest, Y/N.. Can you feel how fast it’s going?” He asked, a bit breathless with a faint smile.
You didn’t realize how close you two were as your faces were inches from each other, breath gently fanning against your lips–the tip of his nose gently grazing yours. “Yeah..” You only murmured now a little airy laugh slipped from your lips at how this felt like you were in a scene of a movie, but it wasn’t this was in fact real as your forehead lightly rested against his.
Jim wasn’t lying as you could literally feel how anxious he was in your palm. His heart beating against your hand, you knew you weren’t just feeling how nervous he was. You were feeling how much he cared about you.
How his heart was beating for you…
Feeling his dark tresses brush against your forehead, you released an inaudible shaky exhale. Your fingers curling up now grasping his shirt, his lips gently brushing against yours sending sparks throughout your being. This was all becoming too much, as it felt like Jim read your mind. “Fuck it..” He whispered as he closed the distance between you, eagerly capturing your lips with his as his fingers now rested on the side of your head keeping you still.
That’s right.. Fuck it.
You could feel your heated skin crawl by how powerful the emotion behind his kisses. His kisses fill you with nothing but thoughts of him, you didn’t hesitate to return his kisses matching his passion. He was invading your mind, body and soul– you desperately pulled him closer. Wanting him to take everything you have, wanting his thoughts to be filled with you too as your lips moved languidly together with fervor.
A gentle gasp left your lips as you felt his tongue swipe at your bottom lip before slipping into your mouth tasting you. A deep groan erupted from his mouth, god you loved his groans, he wanted you and he wanted to let you know that he did. The way his lips moved with yours, the sound of your breaths swallowing each other’s as your hands explored each other’s bodies leaving a firework like sensation through your clothed skin.
It left you ravenous for more.
“Jump..” Jim whispered against your lips, you immediately obeyed as you jumped, and instantly you felt his hands catch you. Your legs draped around his waist as his hands were under your thighs keeping you still now walking you to your room impressively without breaking the feverish kisses, tongues tangled, and hands squeezing and gripping each other.
Jim effortlessly shoved away your neatly folded laundry off the bed before gently placing you on the mattress. Everything seemed to fade into a beautiful blur as you felt your back melt into the mattress, his body hovering over yours, as nothing else seemed to matter anymore. What only mattered was you and Jim in this moment, exploring these intense emotions that you both held for each other. Keeping your legs around his torso, diminishing the space between you two, you felt his restrained erection from his jeans as he gently grinded his hips against yours causing a moan to escape from your small frame but only to be muffled by his soft lips that were against yours.
There was no stopping now, as you could feel the warm dampness pool in your underwear– your bodies molding together like colors on a canvas. Your hands slipped underneath his shirt feeling the movement of his back muscles moving beneath your touch. Jim then pulled away from the kiss now sitting up causing you to grunt quietly out of disapprovement wanting him to come back as he quickly discarded his ebony quarter sleeve top revealing his chest. With half lidded dazed eyes you watched as he gazed down at you with his sharp sunken ocean blue optics that were clouded with nothing but desire for you.
Both of you were breathing heavily, aching to taste each other’s lips once more. “May I?” He asked softly as his fingers gently fiddled with the hem of your shirt. You nodded your head giving him consent to remove your white oversized t-shirt. You knew you weren’t wearing a bra underneath your shirt. You were at home, so why would you wear one?
He swiftly removed your top, revealing your breasts– the cool air nipped at your heated skin feeling your nipples turn hard from the little breeze. In a pleasurable haze you continued to watch the way his lashes fluttered against his freckled cheeks as your heaving bosom was now exposed for him to take in. His gazed burned into your skin causing you to shiver once more, watching his lust filled eyes rake down from your exposed neck to your torso. You felt so bare in front of him, it was as if your skin was translucent and he could see right through you.
Reading your thoughts, your emotions, your heart– it made you flushed. That was another thing you adore about him, how blue his eyes were and how a simple glance from him can make you shiver. Jim then leaned back down over you but this time you felt his fingertips delicately trace your body feeling every contour of your skin, trailing his fingertips from your abdomen to the valley of your chest to your cheek, while he was using his other arm to hold himself over you so he wouldn’t crush you completely with his weight.
You sucked in a sharp inhale as you felt his face lean in towards you nuzzling his nose in the nape of your neck before pressing featherlike kisses on your neck. Your eyes fluttered to a close tilting your head more to the side giving him more access to your neck, your cheek resting against his palm. Jim didn’t hesitate to nibble and kiss as much of your skin as possible leaving you breathless.
You were aching so bad for him that it began to hurt. You could feel his lips at one spot before going to another and next thing you know he was everywhere, just worshiping you with his lips. His lips trailing down to your body, going from your neck, collarbone, then to your heaving breast. “You’re so beautiful..” Jim whispered as he kissed the center of your chest where your heartbeat was. His praise causes your pussy to clench at nothing but air.
“Jim..” You whimpered out softly as you needed him. “I got you, sweetheart. Just let me enjoy this.” He murmured as he then lowered his mouth to your breasts and glided his tongue across your nipple, earning a moan out of you as he covered your right breast with his mouth completely. While his other hand slipped past the waistband of your pajama shorts, into your underwear. You gasped softly at the cool sensation of his fingers feeling the slit of your wet folds. “You’re so wet, for me Y/N...” Jim chuckled quietly before moving his mouth to tend your other breast giving it the same attention.
Patience was treading on thin ice with you, and you knew Jim was teasing you. And you damn well knew that he wasn’t lying either. Your underwear was beyond saving considering how aroused you were, seriously you swore you felt your arousal drip between your inner thighs until you felt Jim’s middle finger flick against your throbbing nub between your legs causing your body to jolt with a moan spilling from your lips.
Jim took notice as he continued circling your clit with his finger feeling up your juices before slipping in his middle finger into your pussy with a gentle squelch noise. “Fuck Jim!” You whined softly in ecstasy feeling your head fall back deeper against the pillow your eyes still clamped shut as Jim pumped his finger in and out of you in a slow pace before building speed, his middle finger curling up inside of you hitting your g spot within your warm tight wet walls.
You felt Jim pull away from your breasts before pressing his lips back onto yours muffling your moans as his tongue slipped back into your mouth mingling with yours, he then added another finger stretching you out once more causing you to whimper against his lips, as he fucked you fast and hard with his fingers despite the little room he had in your shorts and underwear.
Clearly he was preparing you and this was the only start of what was going to happen. With so much pleasure you were desperate to hold onto something, as your hands found his shoulders gripping him for dear life, the knot in your tummy beginning growing tighter, your folds fluttering shut against his fingers.
God, you have forgotten how good it felt to be touched like this, to have someone’s undivided attention on you and your pleasure alone. As the only times you had sex they would either finish too fast and leave you unsatisfied or they would make you focus on them. Not Jim, he wanted to infiltrate your thoughts with his touch, his lips– everything he possibly could and you were letting him.
Jim then pulled his fingers out of you, quickly slipping off your shorts and underwear down to your ankles and you kicked them to the side before Jim reattached his coated fingertips to your clit. Swiping his fingers against your anching nub once more, he pulled away from your lips as you both breathed heavily in unison. You could feel your mind submerge into a euphoric haze feeling your climax creeping up on you. “You have no fucking idea how long I’ve been wanting to do this with you, sweetheart.” He whispered into your ear before nibbling your earlobe causing you to gasp softly. “M-Me too Jim..” You breathed out shuddering against his body feeling each rub from his finger sent more intense ripples of pleasure to your stomach.
Jim then sank his fingers back into you to the knuckle curling them immaculately against your g spot once more with precision. And just like that you felt the knot become undone in your stomach as immense waves of pleasure your orgasm ripped through you sending you over to the edge. Loud mewls escaped your lips as Jim stilled his fingers inside of you, feeling your throbbing walls clamp down on his fingers.
You both laid there breathless for a moment as Jim pressed gentle kisses around your face while you were coming down from your high. “You okay?” He asked you softly as he placed a gentle kiss on your neck pulling his fingers out from you causing you to whimper quietly from the loss of his fingers. Weakly, you nodded your head slowly catching your breath, “Jim, I want you..” you said in an airy tone as your hand reached down to his erection that was bulging from his jeans, your fingers tracing the outline evicting a sharp inhale from him.
Jim immediately obliged as he helped you pull down his pants along with his boxers allowing his cock sprung free from it’s restraints making him sigh out of relief. You couldn’t help to drool slightly at the sight of his length– how long and thick it was as it hung from his body. You weren’t sure if you wanted to taste him or have him inside of you- either way both of those thoughts were making you ache heavily with desire.
Jesus, his wife really did hit the jackpot with this man.
A shaky exhale left your lips as Jim gently caressed your cheek with his thumb before gently pushing you back against the mattress, his eyes fixated on you. He rose on his knees as you were now able to take in the sight of his exposed body– now his firm erection only a few inches away from your dripping entrance. “Open up your legs for me, darling.” He demanded softly with his large hands pushing your legs apart gently. His voice was deep and breathless that sent another wave of shivers throughout your body.
Fuck, these pet names he was calling you — were going to kill you.
Without hesitation you spread your thighs wider for him, now being completely bare and open to him. “Good girl..” Jim praised with a little smirk tugging on his lips, causing your heart to flutter.
You were holding in your breath as you watched his hips with one gentle fluid motion he thrusted into you making you cry out loudly, your walls stretching with an intense pressure slowly filling you up only halfway in. “Are you alright? Do you want to stop?” He asked with concern as he gazed down at you; his dark graying tresses disheveled, his large hands holding your thighs keeping you still. He was so kind, it was making you melt beneath him. “I-I’m okay, keep going.” You whispered as you began to grip his shoulders once more, your nails sinking into his skin .
“That’s my girl..” Jim praised once more as he leaned down to kiss your forehead. He was so hot, you never would even think Jim would have this side of him. He then shifted his knees before thrusting into you completely, his cock deeply sheathed into you. Your mouth fell open as a loud moan spilled from your lips, your eyes clamped shut once more– god, you felt so impossibly full. Jim completely invades you as your bodies are finally connected in the best way. Your thighs squeezed against his waist but he only pushed them apart tenderly. “Ah, F-Fuck..” He groaned out shakily, as he admired the way his cock completely vanished inside of you before closing his eyes allowing his head to fall forward slightly.
You opened your eyes as you breathed heavily, adjusting to his size– his moans making you clench around causing him to gasp. Your desire growing insatiably stronger, you rolled your hips against his desperately pulling a loud moan out of you as you felt the head of his penis kiss your cervix. A deep grunt left his lips as he leaned down towards you releasing your thighs– his chest now pressed against yours as both of his elbows were resting on either sides of your head.
Immediately he began thrusting into you with a slow moderate pace as your body moved up and down slightly with a string of moans spilling from your lips– pleasure completely consuming your body. Jim released a breath as he managed to grab both of your hands intertwining your fingers together pinning them next to your head as his hips slammed against yours.
You turned your head away as you whimpered loudly at how he continued hitting your cervix with perfect precision, “Y/N… Keep your eyes on me.” Jim demanded his voice dark and low. Your body shuddered as you obliged, turning your head to look at him to find him already gazing at you with half lidded eyes that were nothing but filled with affection and lust.
Both of your gazes burned into each other as his thrusts became more relentless, making you feel like you were on cloud nine of pleasure and ecstasy. Jim groaned as he felt your walls clamp around him tight not wanting to let him go– nevertheless he didn’t ease his hard and fast pace. All that was heard in your bedroom was the sound of wet bodies clashing together, as his cock brushed against your clit causing you to arch your back, your chest melting into his, your hands squeezing his. “S-Shit, you feel so good, Jim..” You mewled as your bodies continued moving together in sync.
The friction between you made you burn with desire. “You feel even better, Y-Y/N..Fuck..” He gasped out as his face scrunched up slightly at how tight you were, his mouth hanging slightly open as heavy breaths escaped his parted lips as he aimed to make you come first. You could feel yourself slipping, getting lost in Jim, truly no other thoughts that weren’t anything else but him.
You then wrapped your legs around his hips causing him to sink deeper into you making you both moan out loud in unison, the familiar coil in your stomach began to form knowing you were about to reach your climax for the second time as your heavy breathing began to become unsteady.
Jim then pressed his lips against yours in an eager open mouthed kiss, like he knew you were close and he continued plunging himself deeply into you as he was getting close to his own climax as well.
“I-I’m close..” You breathlessly stammered against his lips as his teeth sank down at your bottom lip before pulling away and releasing it. “Come for me, sweetheart.” Jim whispered as he watched you tremble against his body squeezing his hands tightly as your body was pressed deeper into the mattress. You then cried out as your body arched against him, you felt the knot in your stomach finally snap as your climax washed over you with the familiar waves of pleasure.
Frail moans left your lips as Jim quickened his pace as he used your limp body to chase his climax before releasing a loud groan, his hips stuttering slightly before being buried deep inside of you as he ejaculated his semen, staining your walls.
Jim stayed still for a second trying to catch his breath before slowly pulling out of you causing you to whimper softly as he collapsed on top of you, his head resting against your chest, both of your naked bodies lightly coated with sweat. Your head was spinning, your mind completely lost in a fog as you both basked in the afterglow of this moment.
Once your breathing became steady again as you slowly came down from your high you felt Jim roll off of you as he laid next to you leaving you still laying on your back as you two went silent.
Even the silence felt so loud.
He then pulled the comforters over your naked bodies as he laid on his side facing you. You could feel his gaze burn into the side of your face as you kept your eyes on the ceiling finally processing what just happened.
“Hey..” Jim called out to you quietly as he scooted closer to you draping his lightly freckled arm around your body pulling you close as you turned to face him on your side, you can tell that he hated when things go quiet like this.
Your little panic gaze burned into his, and he already knew how you were feeling. “Y/N..Talk to me.” Jim begged as he gently cradled your cheek with his palm which you instinctively melted into.
You sighed deeply into his touch, your mind unsure if having sex even fixed anything between you two, if anything it added more fuel to the fire of your problems.
And this is where you knew that you messed up..
Big time.
***
PART 2 COMING SOON ;)
I hope you guys enjoyed it ! First one shot for this page. And honestly this is the first smut I’ve ever written so I hope I did Jim Justice but bro was so romantic. I apologize for any grammar error or anything that looks weird- But anyways, thank you guys for reading! ♡
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