#save me from myself you guys | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

dizzybizz · 6 months ago

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some doodles

#i meant to put the balor one in the previous post but i forgor 😭its in a diff file from the sketch dump i was coloring in so it just didnt #exist in my mind at all. i felt like smth was missing as i was posting it but i couldnt place what hlep #adeline and eiland have been driving me insane lately. expect more of them. probably.#dont minf the last two guys. some concepts for future farms 😋 (pls mind them im crazy abt all my farmers even if they technically dont -#exist yet. pls ask abt them or smth pls im nroaml i can be nroma l i prommy)#fields of mistria #fom balor #sona #im gonna start tagging that i think.#fom eiland #fom adeline #fom elsie #fom farmer #my art #guys can i just say that im so happy that balor is silver n not gold cus otherwise i would have to confront a part of me im not proud of #we shouldnt talk abt it but like yeah jjust know i like his silver and his whole deal #have such a softspot n bias for characters who dont settle anywhere. who never lay down their roots or whatever. who keep their past secret #like oughh hes hitting so many marks #i like hawthorne a lot. hes more developed in my head. and also i like his dead look and hair bows. i have so many ideas abt him man it hur #i promised myself i wouldnt make a new save file til i reached y2 w rory but apperantly errols bday is cursed bc the game has frozen twice #sorry if you read all of these tags. go to my askbox w fom stuff or smth. ask abt my farmers plsplspls pl s jk haha unless. maybe even #gimme drawing reqs for fom in general. ok tyvm ly sorry for yapping. its what i do best

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moeblob · 11 months ago

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What if I straight up didn't explain myself? What if I just said trust me on this? Would you?

#fe warriors three hopes #mercedes von martritz #miklan anschutz gautier #we really only need to clarify this is STRICTLY warriors miklan and i think ive already condemned myself but i accept it #i am very sorry but the person i usually would talk to about rare pairs has been a bit busy so i couldnt go to them to get it out that way #so art is the only way i have you have to understand its not my fault (its my fault)#did you guys know i reset the azure gleam map three times before googling the chapter where he dies to try and save him #no i dont think he deserves to be pardoned for what hes done but i liked that w3h gave him a small chance to be better FOR HIMSELF #no i dont think he should simply be forgiven for everything he did but i do like that he was given humanity and how #he was still not a good guy but damn you guys i think about that npc sometimes #who says that they admired him becoming something despite being a criminal bc if miklan can do it whats stopping them from being better ?#like that npc stuck with me a while ok #just ......... there are a lot of thoughts here that i dont think many of you care to read even in tags so ill stop now #i will say the canvas is saved as speed run to cancellation lesgo

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cent-scratchnsniff · 22 days ago

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Please don't hurt yourself

#lobotomy corporation #lobcorp #library of ruina #hod #hod lobcorp #hod lobotomy corporation #hod library of ruina #erm... michelle. hii michelle. going to have to spoiler tag for you though baby #lobotomy corp spoilers #lobcorp spoilers #okay i think thats it #no shading because this made me want to KILL YMSELF #it looks fone w out it anyways. yay. thank you filter after effects for saving my ass this . hurt me so muchh to try to finish #nothing specific that had me make this. at least from lobcorp lor. its more of having more empathy towards my past self or when i was young #than me. right now. it feels as if the past is so devoid of my current self yet i know that its Me. its just so distant. to the point where #at times it feels as if the me of the past is devoid of the current me. im told im very empathetic? hard to tell. that im patient and kind #or more of understanding to everyone but Myself. so when i try to be kind to myself it feels impossible. but im able to do it to my past se #which makes a disconnect. please dont hurt youself. please dont hate youself. you dont need to do that. i know you want to live it hurts #i know. its alright to want to live. you dont need to apologize and feel Guilty. but never towards Myself. to console and wish to soothe bu #not to the current self. to pardon and accept but not to this Me. so i wanted to put it down kinda. felt most similar to hod ish.#its guilt for living. apologizing for existing. wanting to be accepted and pardoned. but also forgiving and accepting the self of before #not so much forgiving. forgive is a weird word. the hurt never leaves. and the guilt is there regardless. but. yknow. accept #sorry some random shit. yappin. who gaf abt that guy. who was that guy. anyways. hod <3 HODD!!!#just like to ramble abt what i think abt when i go to make pieces. since i uhh dont really have anyone to tell who would care. so. awkward.#god thats embarrassing actuallt migjt delete if im not lazy asf later. loser oversharing on the internet AHH 💥💥#uhmm back to the actual piece. the proportions and fhe coloring were having me feel like i was dging trying to get it right. almost #considered just gettinf rid of it and scrapping the whole piece. didnt though. wanted to have it done and finished. hod <3 #the feeligns described arent what i would relate w hod? but closest chatacter towards the general thougut. so wanfed to draw her #i wanted to do more w ligjting and such as well. but it never ended up getting in. maybe later

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vynnyal · 1 month ago

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Finally finishing totk

#Totk #Art #Comic #Link #This one gets main blog privileges lololol #Context: I had beat 1 dungeon and promised my buddy not to progress without them. I was just filling out the map and these guys appeared #Totk spoilers in the tags #Okay so here's my totk story because it hurts everyone I tell including myself #First time I played totk I got really fed up with the tutorial. It would just never end.#I got so fed up with it in fact... I never did the story. At all!#My buddy wanted to watch me do the story but we kept missing each other #So I ended up avoiding anything even tangentially related to plot #I never met any characters. Never even knew there were bosses and dungeons. Never entered the castle #And one time my buddy told me there was the awesome boss in the depths I could fight-- a king dragon. Woaaahhh #I made my way over there and was so ready for this epic battle and ended up killing it in 5 seconds. I was too powerful 😂#Keep in mind I did NO DUNGEONS and had grinded up the dynamic difficulty entirely through common enemies to the point of silver lynels #So yeah I stopped playing because I realized I was way too overpowered to start the story #So I started all over again. Finally doing totk the Intended Way™#Uhh... Doing one single dungeon raised the difficulty to the point of black hoglins appearing?? What???#I'm basically rushing every dungeon (I just finished the second one) without preparing at all or doing any shrines #(I killed colgera while dying from cold damage at 4 hearts because I ran out of cold res LMFAO)#So this is really testing my Zelda skillz. It's very fun.#Also. During the first dungeon. I was so obsessed with the kid I almost looked up how I could keep him as my companion #My buddy was so excited for me to find out what the reward was for beating the dungeon 😂😂😂#What else funny... Oh yeah my old save was so jank I never actually got any more than 5 hearts.#Yes I had to defeat lynels mostly hitless since they can kill you despite the mercy quarter heart #I also went to do the first dungeon on the first save and accidentally entered the ship without the child. It TRAPS YOU INSIDE.#It doesn't even give you a warp it just says “die or warp out”. Except I didn't get the shrine halfway up. So I decided to hoverbike out 😓#Oh yeah and it turns out you can ABSOLUTELY get the master sword so so easily.#She flies right past the water dungeon and phases out of existence near immediately it's very funny.

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hplonesomeart · 3 days ago

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Stabby stabby time 😌✨

(Original meme audio source can be found via this YouTube video!!)

#once again I’m so bad at putting silly short meme stuff onto my main channel without thinking it’s gonna humiliate me HELP 🥲#l’ll get over it this is my exposure therapy hour #it doesn’t help that I told classmates in college about my YouTube channel and didn’t think about how that would fuck with my anxiety lol #like ‘OH NO WHY DID I DO THAT THEY’LL KNOW I’M CRINGE AND WEIRD NOW’#listen if people can’t tolerate you at your cringiest and you feel like you need to mask around them 24/7 then it’s not worth #you gotta be your authentic self and enjoy your interests regardless of how people view it #trying to people please the masses is only going to wear you out and make you feel disconnected from yourself #‘fuck it we ball’ mentality saves lives tbh #….I don’t know I’m still trying to pep talk myself into it being socially acceptable to post sillies :’)#for now this will be a Tumblr exclusive until I stop being a baby about it✨#(also wouldn’t it be funny if my channel has a running joke of everyone not knowing what Puzzles age is? Just a thought)#(first Meggy asks him about it and now I’m asking too)#(no wonder the guy pulled out a knife people won’t shut up about his age lmfao)#mr puzzles smg4 meme #mr puzzles animated #smg4 girl how old are you I’m getting nervous meme #girl how old are you I’m getting nervous mr puzzles meme #hplonesome art

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penguinpartypalooza · 2 months ago

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I'm taking my life back. You can't hurt me anymore.

#context will be added after normal tags- you do not have to read what im going to write #club penguin #club penguin oc #club penguin art #club penguin fanart #ahf #tw blood #tw slight violence #cw blood #cw slight violence #filler tag for sensitive shit #filler tag filler tag filler tag #disney talks filler tag #disney talks serious; scary shit that they were put through for the past 5ish months #Hi. If you made it this far into the tags- allow me to give some context behind this piece #I'm hesitant to speak out on this blog about this issue. However. It's important to why I made this #Since august; an artist in this community who is older than me had been stalking me. This artist had made horrific art of me #this user has hurt me and hurt my friends. This user made me think so low of myself; deeply traumatized me and children in this community #im taking my fucking life back. this vile fucking human tried so hard to degrade me and i dont fucking love you. i never loved you.#i never will love you. i never have loved you. You are a nasty fucking piece of shit and i hope you fucking rot. This is the only time you #guys will ever hear me curse and be this cold and unforgiving. I know I'm mostly regarded as a fandom sweetheart #i know to some my words may be shocking. This stalker whos name im holding back from outing on my blog. You're the reason people hurt.#Take responsibility. The reason I used a mouthwashing quote was on purpose. You can fill in the blanks. Don't pretend like you're a victim.#that's all I have to say right now. There's much more i can say; much much worse that has happened.#for now; thank you if you read all of this. Club Penguin's community has and always will have protected me and saved my life.#I'm taking my life back. You cannot hurt me. I hope this hurts.

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clarissaweasley-10 · 7 months ago

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Here is your reading dose of motivation: Max fell for Xander while he just had one effing eyebrow. There's still some hope out there folks don't loose faith.

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ganondoodle · 5 months ago

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so with echoes of wisdom .. i havent watched any of the trailers beyond the very first one and the thumbnails/screenshots and what others have said about it-

but with the world inside the rift being called "Welt des Nichts" aka "world of nothing/void" in german ('still' in english, for some reason) and demises title in french being "avatar of nothing" ... yeah my anxiety is shooting through the roof again

(hopefully you can be a little more forgiving for me being anxious/weird about it bc demise is my blorbo)

i had similar worries with totk, that werent proven true thankfully, but the darn book is making it all worse again with all those weird lore things the game doesnt even so much as hint at AND potential retcons- im in for a really rough time huh, not just stress in real life (more in tags.. its alot) but now about my specific hyperfixation from two things even (AND artblock still..)

weird as it may sound, i dont want demise to get more lore, partly bc i dont believe theyd do anything with him that i would like (given their track record) but much more importantly- the fact that he has this little lore about him is precisely one of the reasons why i fell in love with him, i tend to like characters that are neglected by the narrative, and his story being both so flat and already done meant i can be very creative with what i come up with for him without necessarily contradicting anything in canon (which is ... or was a big point of how i wrote destiny's story and lore, working with canon in a way that reframes it all without straight up ignoring it ... but i suppose i urgently need to let go of that and accept i spend alot of time working things that will go to waste :( ) AND not having to worry that there will be more stuff with him that would massively change not only what im writing but also potentially how i feel about him since the game he was briefly in was the oldest chronologically and ended with his death- i didnt expect them to mess with anything that far back and thought theyd just go forward and leave the timeline behind and wouldnt mess with it again, given how botw seemed to be a sort of 'fresh start' that seemingly regarded the past as the past that needs to rest and that the timeline was finally no longer a discussion if everythings unified through botw and one thing going forward

but i suppose i was very wrong with that .__.

right now the only thing that motivates me still is the left over determination and spite to work on my zelda comic, since i have never gotten this far and really want to get something done for once, but i cant lie that im feeling like i should pause all work on it too to wait and see waht the book and the new game will do .. either to determine if i still have the will to keep working on it after those things are out (my love for tloz has been taking alot of hits lately ..) or if i have to change stuff (mostly bc of my lore problem trying to not ignore it ..)

#ganondoodles talks #zelda #ganondoodles rants #sorta #suicide attempt mention in the IRL stuff im talking about in the following tags btw #theres some construction stuff on our house going on #and my father is extremely stressed about it #he used to be very explosive- being silent and then exploding out of nowhere .. probably left me with lasting damage yippie-#but now he much more lets it eat at himself bc hes old and feels bad for the past stuff so now it makes him irritated and depressed #my older brother is the most normal cis straight guy you can imagine and incredibly impatient and bossy (you CANNOT talk with him)#(brother doesnt live in our house)#and while hes helping out hes doing it exactly how my father doesnt like and since you cant talk to the guy (explosive +200) it stresses hi #to the point of my father yesterday saying that “it would have been better if i had just died back in the day”#likely referring to the time when he was drafted for the military against his will and tried to kill himself #which i learned only like .. a year ago- theres so little my parents tell me ....#its like my mother telling me- while my father was in hospital for heart surgery- that she not only almost died back when i was a young tee #and only survived bc of some incredibly unebelievable lucky coincidences (medics on a travel being there that knew what she had-#-while our local doctors said welp- nothing we can do lady AND them beign there with a helicopter and emergency transferring her #to antoher bigger hospital while giving her immediate treatment our local one didnt do- AND at the big one just so happened to have-#-an expert on that illness in the facility when she arrived who was able to narrrowly save her life #BUT ALSO while she was recovering and weak and frail as a dust bunny witnessing someone stealing hospital surplies-#not noticing she was in the room at first (which .. the nurses left her in the nurse room while going on break ... which uhm .. yeah cool)#and if my mother hadnt acted in time like she was fully asleep and the lady stealing stuff beign in hurry- she might have killed her #without my mother being able to fight back bc she could barely even talk (the nurses didnt want to believe her when they got back either)#ANYWAY that comment from my father brough me to tears #and my mom is trying out more ... other medication shes not prescribed in hopes of it helping agaisnt her many pains #but i worry it will interact with the other stuff shes on ...#and i worry so much about both of their mental and physical well being #always trying to be the one to calm them down or help with communication bc that is a big problem in this houesehold #but i myself am also a very much not normal and not medicated shut in who has trouble dealing even with my own feelings

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andi-o-geyser · 2 years ago

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“cody only has under an hour of screen time in all of star wars” maybe to you he does. to me he's the main character

#he's my most special little guy don't you GET it #in my mind's eye he also has at least an hour more of screen time from being in the kenobi show #because that's canon. FOR ME #bickering like an old married couple protecting luke and throwing bodies into the sarlac as a personal murder disposal on tattooine #everyone raise a glass for the first draft of the kenobi show that had cody chilling in the desert with obi wan as his secret buddy #where we would have had a deeper focus on themes of guilt and sacrifice and repentance and hope for a better future #by virtue of cody being there and exploring his new relationship with obi wan where they're foils for each other both driven by guilt #“my cody was so fun” yeah of course he would have been he's post war scrappy uncle cody killing bounty hunters every other thusday #how is that not the most fun thing ever #he's just so sunshiney like asfdsskk #he's my rotten soldier #he's my sweet cheese my good time boy #this is what i get for hyperfixating on clone wars for months on end #strong opinions on the rich inner lives of copy paste men and their 3 million brothers #*deep sigh* this is my life now and i love it and cannot save myself #star wars #the clone wars #the bad batch #tcw #sw #commander cody #codywan #tcw cody #clone wars #cc 2224 #(thinking of any more tags used for cody)#(nah i think we're good)#andis thought geyser

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silkjade · 5 months ago

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i haven’t been here much recently, and i’m sorry i’ve only been negative on the off chance i’ve been online, but let me just say one last piece before the end of this month, so that maybe the next might be better….

#or maybe my time here ends w this month…i’m not sure i guess it all depends on how i feel but as of right now #everytime i think i'm fine i open tumblr and immediately am sad again the whole app has become my doomscroll at this point #i got a notification on a random talking post from a while ago and it felt like reading the words of a completely different person #lately i find it difficult to find any joy here at all when it always feels so lonely… a type of loneliness i’ve never experienced before #everyone always has ppl interacting w them who are interested in their stuff or are always sent things that are reminiscent of them....#i’m always praised for remembering stuff abt other ppl but i wonder if anyone remembers anything abt me #what is it about me that is so forgettable am i dull am i uninteresting did i not solidify myself enough do you guys just not like me lolz #but i don't want this to come across as guilt tripping or being ungrateful to what i do have because ik comparison is the death of joy but #it's still hard to watch when it's so in your face and it makes me think if ppl only talk to me because they feel obligated to #because anyone can say empty words.... i wish my perception of things didn't turn bitter i wish i hadn't become so jaded but #over and over i've felt irrelevant cast aside overshadowed and i cannot exist in a place where i feel like i'm a ghost in the corner #idk i've never felt like This before and i'm at least glad it's something i can walk away from by just....leaving...#sad that this used to be somewhere i can run away To but now it's become somewhere i want to run away From #i don't know...even if i get over whatever this is...things will never be the same for me... i just don't think i belong here #if only i had never made this blog then i would have saved myself a world of turmoil

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mysicklove · 1 year ago

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omg me as a protozoan:

#🔪 - mello talks too much #giardia lamblia #omg i would totally give you guys diarrhea #omg #beaver fever asffff 💅💅💅#go me #microbio lab practicum tomorrow guys i’m going to die please save me from myself send help

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vaguely-concerned · 3 months ago

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I was just ambushed within the turbulent halls of my own mind by some headcanons about rye ingellvar's childhood that did 15000000 points of psychic damage to me and my heart personally and also made me almost sure of how I want to play it all at the end (very very differently from how I imagined going in!). some 'oh holy fuck this changes everything' rocking my own world bullshit going on in my neurons right now I'm reeling

#I'm sorry to say that despite what I expected I think the dread wolf might be going down violently on my first run???#not because *I* love solas any less but because of who rye is and some of the twists I know happen down the line #which does make for a neat thing b/c I meant to play the crow I'm going with second as initially incredibly hostile #and then growing to feel for him and redeeming him at the end.#so if rye starts out very reasonable and sympathetic and then is brought to 'haha. no. fuck you forever for that in particular' at the end #...a pleasing cosmic symmetry in it I must admit. perfect and also makes me feel a bit sick #I'll try to put together something coherent eventually but for now #it's sort of a 'my name is ellaryen ingellvar you killed the guy #that my brain went 'close enough welcome back beloved and much missed deceased father figure' over. prepare to despair and die'#I think just the killing part might not have done it but everything that comes after? rye is a chill guy until he finally decides #that enough is fucking *enough*. and that was the most enough of all time for them #it also explains rye's accent (one of his primary caregivers growing up was a dwarf)! so many birds with one stone here #also I am so fucking sad now and I did it entirely to myself. I love fiction I love games (embarassingly genuine)#dragon age #dragon age: the veilguard #dragon age: the veilguard spoilers #dragon age spoilers #oc: ellaryen ingellvar #thank god that the romanced solas playthrough is the second one tho that does make things less dire haha #adaar would have given it the good old college try to get solas to change his mind right to the end I think #but even his capable hands and politician's mind could not hold back the sheer beware the fury of a patient man storm #that is about to hit solas for the shit he just pulled. I think rye and solas are -- as it turns out -- TOO alike in many ways #...solas buddy I'm so sorry I'll come back for you on the second playthrough and make it right I swear fhsak #it's just that a second dead dwarf dad has joined the chat to haunt the narrative (and this time it's fucking personal frfr)#it's almost scary how quick I've gotten attached to my rook tho. I've waited A DECADE to save this bald elf man from himself #and then rye shows up with steel in his normally kind eyes going 'no. I want that fucker *dead*'. and I just go anything for you babyboy #I'll see what we can do. unspeakable stuff

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bunnyboy-juice · 4 months ago

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spent the first hour and change at work deleting some old files and am having a grand ol time laughing at myself for not realizing i was a lesbian sooner

#vulnerable tag rambles ahead please be kind abt them i didnt intent to ramble this much but i dont wanna delete it eitehr #me to every single man i have ever dated after 6mo-1y: yeah hey this really isnt working out i dont really know why but i really hate mysel #and i dont want to blame you because i dont think you did anything inherently wrong here; i think this is something about me but i need #space to figure out why im feeling this way [every single one reacted by telling me No i wasnt allowed to leave btw]#i hold very complex feelings about these relationships esp bc of them ending in very violent/chaotic ways most of the time #but its interesting to look back at it all and realize ive left every man for the same reason (which is that ive hated myself Every Single #Time ive dated a man) and its funny bc i recognized the self hate pretty early on w/ cishet men but when it came to queer men it was #much more confusing (esp w/ nto knowing Any lesbians at that point in my life). im so happy im a lesbian tbh #i have a lot of issues w/ the racism fatphobia and transmisogyny present in lesbian groups #and also coming out as a lesbian really truly saved my life. before i met my wife i was quite literally in a 3yr abusive relationship that #definitely would have died in if i hadnt realzied i was a lesbian and ran from him #its also weird seeing liek the hard evidence of the things that happened to me btween 2016-2020 tbh #cause that was such a bad time of my life. i truly dont know how i survived it but im so glad i did #like the three major relationships in my life b4 meeting my wife was: guy who was in college when i was in HS who stalked me when i left;#guy who was a year younger than me who cheated on me the entire time while telling me he was being victimized (he wasnt; this was very mess #guy who saw the very messy toxic ldr i was in and helped me dump my ex then decided that meant we were in a relationship [insert 3 yrs here #and admittedly all 3 years with him werent the same level of abusive but it was definitely unhealthy from the start considering I Didnt Kno #we were together until he wanted to celebrate vday and got mad i didnt know our anniversary - and like this isnt including the other stuff #that happened between those Relatonships[tm] (cause ive never been monogamous; these were just the Major Relationships)#like i genuinely think if i hadnt come out i'd be dead rn given just how dangerous my relationships were/continued getting #i am also so tired now that ive seen all this cause like. fuck i can barely believe it and i not only lived it but have PTSD about it #i should write about my life sometime. i feel like it'd be cathartic to try and make a tangible timeline and stories from the years ang stu #anyway yeah. be nice about the tag rambles. dont message me with pity or curiosity or anything about this. i dont usually talk abt this stu #publicly bc i hate the ways ppl start tryign to baby me when they realize my life has been extremely fucked up until only a few years ago #n im still working on accepting kindness from others bc of [insert life traumas here] but its a long process so pls respect my need for jus #being heard rn w/o too much pressure< 3 (but ig if u do read this can u like it cause i feel a little crazy seeing all the evidence of the #stuff i experienced now also cause fuck ik logically it was but also i cant believe it was all real still yk)

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chadlux · 3 months ago

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guys coming back to a homestuck blog like 4 years later feels insane ( i posted 8 months ago but i havent been active in 3+ years). the cringe is almost too much to bear

#i dont know why you guys let me act like this...#given i used chad as a vehicle but oh my god i could have just made an oc and saved myself the embarrassment #watch me remake #ooc #i think part of the problem was i thought the meme of sollux being inconceivably some functional chad (while still being insanely and #crazily ill everywhere except on his own blog) was so funny that i leaned into it sooo hard and now i just get to look back and want to #rip my eyes out from pure cringe #i was 19 i guess.............

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catkin-morgs-kookaburralover · 1 year ago

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#tw suicide #no seriously heed the tw this is probably upsetting i just. i need to say it somewhere and i will not say it to my family.#puddleglum hours #personal #its just i was thinking.#tother day the doctor asked: do you regret it? about the suicide attempt tuesday night.#and i said something that i still feel: if i regret anything about it it's that i didn't succeed.#they're talking of discharging me tomorrow or something and im just.#what do i need to do to be kept in for longer?! damn it all i *know* how i could kill myself in here.#but i don't want to. i need them to save me #because i can't save myself! if they discharge me tomorrow i think it very likely ill be dead before the end of the week! or at least in #hospital from another attempt! this new med has made me more numb but the thoughts haven't gone away just muted. and then.#at times like this im perfectly wild about it! i cannot keep myself alive i need them to do it for me!#but when ive seen the doctor each time its been when im exhausted and numb and i don't care but that is not the case always.#i don't know. i don't see a good outcome any which way.#hopefully tomorrow the doctor sees me at a time when im feeling like this i think.#because i think i need to tell them. but i don't know how or even if it matters #and sometimes i just want to die.#im so tired of living guys. why #editing to add i am still on hiatus and if you want to contact me and know my discord contact me there #so i will not be responding to anything here for this moment at least

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thesmokinpossum · 13 hours ago

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Wow, Tom really spent decades in a perpetual fawning reaction and convinced that it was the absolute best life he could have ever gotten 🙃

#tom hagen #the godfather #this scene hurts me so bad guys #sonny's death is clearly the greatest loss of tom's adult life (maybe even his entire life)#and he doesn't even allow himself to show *guilt* without even talking about pain unless he's sure vito will be ok with it #there's another quote where vito tells him that tom knows him better than anyone else #which was probably very validating to tom and is also fairly sweet of vito in the context #but it's also like...#yeah of course he knows you better than anyone else #he spent his entire life training himself to completely disregard his own needs or emotions so he could be more attuned to yours #read litterally anything about extreme people pleasing and fawning as a result of severe childhood neglect/trauma and it's just tom #of course the mafia structure and dynamics contributed to the whole things but it clearly goes beyond that #thinking about that cut scene from the godfather 2 were tom thinks about how everything was so easy and perfect when vito was alive #which is like...demonstrably false but tom just can't get himself to accept that not even in the privacy of his own brain #there's really a part of him that never matured passed the 10 years old boy who had just got saved by vito and it shows #also it might just be puzo's writing style but there's something in the repetition of 'the Don' here that really hurts me #tom is so crushed by grief and guilt at what he perceives to be his own failure #that he won't allow himself to think of him as vito and certainly not as father #just as the Don who has the power to tell 'such a man' exactly how to feel and how to show it #i made myself sad i'm going to bed :(

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