#omg i would totally give you guys diarrhea

[mysicklove]

omg me as a protozoan:

[tartagliaxx]

hi. i only got to play in inazuma today so here's me live reacting to the archon quest. it's a lil out of context tho so have fun trying to figure out which parts im talking abt. also, this is the only time i'm going to be talking abt spoilers for at least one week so... 🤷‍♀️

swordfish ii? cute.

Jesus Christ. and here i thought it was my lowest settings that made his hair grey… this poor kid. teppei i admire your determination but no… just no...

SCARAMOUCHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

IF EVIL WHY SO HOT

you know.... scaramouche could stand still and the air would get electrified. and yknow,,, that's p... that's p attractive

ugh im disgusting myself. and here i thought i still had an inch of sanity left in me.

of all people it had to be this little jerk

scaramouche is so fucking evil. i’d like ten of him, please.

man,, they expect me to dodge this shit? that’s the biggest l i’ve heard today. none of that shit. i’m bringing out my zhong and my sweet madames skrrt

sayu is adorable… i remember when i had hopes of growing up too… alas, it has come to this.

OH MY GOD AYATO CRUMBS. I AM LICKING THAT SHIT UP. PLEASE— HE HAS A SECRET UNIT. THATS SO HOT WTF. AYATO MY DEAR, PLEASE DONT BE A REGULAR ICKY NPC BUT WHITE HAIRED…

SNEAKY SNEAK. SNEAKY SNEAK.

THOMA OH MY GOD MY MALEWIFE. HOW HAVE YOU BEEN? also, sayu’s sleeping again. this girl’s got talent. is her circadian rhythm okay?

pains me to be the bearer of all bad news and no good news…

WAIT THOMA IS LEAVING NO DONT LEAVE YET I WANT TO LOOK AT YOU MORE

oh nvm he’s still in the background.

EYY WHATS UP AYAKA. YOU’RE AS FINE AS EVER.

i… i don’t like where this is going… i refuse to be the bait. i’m too hot for that. so spicy they’ll spit me right out

DONT VOLUNTEER YOURSELF LUMINE— GIVE ME AN OPTION OR AT LEAST AN ‘OH SHIT HERE WE GO AGAIN’ LINE

YES FIREWORKS THAT WOULD WORK RIGHT? PLEASE TELL ME THAT WOULD WORK-

oh thank god… wait... they… they wouldn’t ask me to be the one to set off the fireworks right?

UNFORTUNATELY NO. AFTER YOU BECOME A FREE MAN, YOU’RE IMMEDIATELY MARRYING ME THOMA ANJKFHAIGHLANGKLAHOFJLKAB

oh crap… i’m… i’m in deep.

HE’S BEEN LOOKING FORWARD TO SEEING US AGAIN EVERY DAY SINCE HE GOT THERE ANFLaglvbajlfblabvljabefva;bfalLJBLJDABVBAALSNADL tumblr user @tartagliaxx is broken. she is now irreparable. she has no regrets. goodbye.

ehem… what if… you and i… and hotsprings… together?? JUST KIDDING. PG-13 OVER HERE. NOTHING INDECENT WHATSOEVER MOVE ALONG NOW

poor thoma,,,

oh come on ayaka… cut us some slack… i just watched lumine wheeze bc of evil purple mist only to be dragged into 2 timeskips and an entire training arc. dont let her be yet another traumatized shounen manga protagonist… altho, it might be uh… too late for that…

oh dear… is thoma going to get another round of diarrhea?

OF COURSE. OF COURSE IT’S ME DOING ALL THE WORK. OF COURSE IT’S ME WHO’S RISKING MY LIFE ALL OVER AGAIN. GOD! GIVE LUMINE A BREAK. BEING A TRAVELER DOES NOT MEAN IT’S FREE REAL ESTATE.

hello yoimiya… still looking as bomb as ever i see……… mhm… gonna see myself out rn…

HELP MY SHITTY GRAPHICS COMPLETELY ERADICATED HER BROWS

oh god… are we dying because of fireworks? forget getting caught by the patrol… we’re about to light up an untested firework that was made to be a billion times more explosive….

NO. SHE SAID IT. SHE SAID THE CURSED SENTENCE. WHATS THE WORST THAT COULD HAPPEN? IDK YOU TELL ME. YOU JUST SENTENCED US TO DEATH YOIMIYA GREAT GOING still love you tho.

man… these patrol guards aint shit… i literally walked an inch behind their backs and they did nothing… its a surprise the rebellion still hasn’t won when they place guards like this in their ranks………. ok that was kinda mean i’ll apologize in a bit.

SAYU OMG… DONT WORRY I’LL SNEAK YOU OUT AND RISK MY LIFE willingly JUST TO RESCUE YOU. ILYSM HONEY YOU’RE DOING SO WELL

no, paimon. it’s not but we’re doing it anyway 🤡

NO ONE TOLD ME WE’RE GOING TO RUN. I WENT COMPLETELY OFF COURSE. first try tho 😏

HELLO THOMA. HELLO AYAKA.

HELLO SAYU. HOW DID IT GO? IM GUESSING IT WENT WELL BC YOU’RE STILL ALIVE?

oh no….. she’s worn herself out…. man,,, this is why you dont make convicts out of kids….

WE ASKED SAYU FOR AN INCH AND SHE GAVE AS TEN THOUSAND MILES. SAYU MY CHILD YOU EXCEED EXPECTATIONS

god, don’t remind me. as hot as the shogun trying to kill us w her blade was, i don’t appreciate almost getting murdered on screen (even if we most certainly have plot armor)

awwww is thoma worried about me uwu owo? dw i have like… a lumine w 6% crit rate by my side

sigh… i dont want to leave yet… cant i just stay by thoma’s side and not go to war for a change?

it was at this moment that tumblr user lei saw the wonders of being a housewife.

oh sara… my stars… i’m so sorry. i feel so bad for you but at the same time… this oddly makes me want to write a song for you ABJFJKABJABCABVABVKA I KNOW JACK SHIT ABT SONGWRITING WHY AM I THINKING LIKE THIS

well… there she goes…

oh…. oh….. yae is stealing my heart. WHAT DO I DO WHAT DO I DO (i have an alt for a reason heehee)

DEAR LORD. PLEASE STEP ON MY NECK SARA.

these guys got guts to say ‘i’m sorry ma’am’ to THE kujou sara.

oh old man… you’re dead. you’re so dead.

man… this old man is a simp? sheesh.

YES. GO TELL EM PAIMON. PREACH THAT SHIT LOUD AND CLEAR.

oh my god… is that dude dead? i probably should’ve uh apologized b4 he flopped down to the ground ig…

MAN,, SARA’S DOWN FOR THE COUNT?? tbf i didnt expect much but…. also, AYE SIGNORA’S SO ICY.

she’s calling me out for being a simp ;-; heart been broke so many times or smth

OH SHIT LUMINE SPOKE. MAN,, WHY IS SHE SO COOL.

oh… i love this part of the vow… im suddenly inspired to write… how about a wedding au? an angsty wedding au?

goddamn… it’s been nice knowing you all…. i dont think i’ll come out of this alive if signora went out like that…

WHATS HAPPENING? ARE YOU SAYING KAZUHA WENT THROUGH THIS BS? IS LUMINE OKAY-

DID THEY REALLY JUST STORM THE ENTIRE FUCKING CAPITAL?? THEY HAVE SOME NERVE.

FUCK OMG KAZUHA AHHAHFHAFHAHGKJABKASBGA IM TEARING UP WTF WHY AM I GETTING EMOTIONAL- HONEY BUN THATS SO HOT OF YOU TO DO

oh… oh it’s time for round two? haha… time to… say my goodbyes….

yo… there are actual tears in my eyes… like… idk why… but that cutscene? shit man… that hit me…

hm… i feel bad for the shogun… ultimately, there is reason behind every act no matter how horrid. no matter how unreasonable, the reason one thinks of is always justified on their end. whatever everyone else thinks pay little effect on whether the act is fulfilled or not. also, her little laugh? i’m extra deceased.

the animation's fire as always wtf

oh but my kokoro... oof... my kokoro... ugh...

I’M SO FUCKING DONE AJKFHAKJBVAK- WE BEAT A HARBINGER AND FOR WHAT? she should’ve just tossed that gnosis into the ocean or smth...

HAH OMG SCARAMOUCHE. WHAT A MAN. I’M- I WAS RIGHT OMG. I HAD A LIL THEORY AND ITS JUST SMTH I HAD IN THE BACK OF MY MIND. I NEVER THOUGHT IT’LL ACTUALLY COME TRUE DEAR LORD. so now ig i have to admit i think abt him a lot and he has a soft spot in my heart 🥺 he’s evil you see and you know what my type is? evil men or at the very least, men with the potential to be evil. ugh so annoying.

scaramouche banner when

bc i sold everything worthy of money in me (read as my organs) for albedo, i'll sell my soul for him how about that?

EYE- makoto huh… well… fuck…

it’s day 400 of being ayato less even if he’s like… teased a million of times (jk it’s like… a grand total of seven but thats still p high)

im so… sigh…

i wonder if i’m still alive by the time sumeru releases… at the very least, i know my brain wouldn’t be.

....we were literally a captain for like... one second. that is so sad.

[tinlizziedlinwa]

Developing Sexuality, Discovering Kinks, a Spinal Injury, and Barely Beginning to Explore the Edges of the LGBTQ+ Community

Howdy, y’all.  I’m just gonna put this out there - If it’s not for you, just keep on a’scrollin’!

Now, I’ve not really explicitly spoken about my sexuality and how it’s evolved over my almost five decades of life.  So, I’m about to start, and believe me, your patience and kindness will be appreciated.  If you choose to be a close-minded, conservative, cis-asshole then I strongly suggest you leave right the fuck now.  Thank you :-)

If you want to get to know me a little bit more and talk of incontinence and sexuality doesn’t scare you, please continue!

Decade 01:  Around four years old, I have my first memories of things related to my as yet totally undeveloped sexuality.  No history of physical abuse - Don’t worry about that.  It was finding my mother’s menstrual pads.  I saw pictures of them in underwear, so I took one and put it into mine.  It felt so right and so amazing!  I don’t really know how to describe it, but it felt like I needed the whole package of them in my underwear all at once!  I got in trouble for using up a package that my mom needed and I didn’t understand why she needed them yet.  But I made my first “diaper” out of pads and tighty-whities when I was only four years old.  Since I’m gonna be using a lot of numbers, I’m gonna cheat and sacrifice the “proper way” of spelling them out if they’re ten or less.

At 5, I knew I wasn’t built right.  I had this thing I peed through that girls didn’t have.  Boys had them.  But I wasn’t supposed to be a boy!  I didn’t like it and hated the feeling of it touching my legs (still do...).  I started asking questions about things.  Now, my parents are the stereotypical Boomers, “trapped” in a loveless marriage by dependent children and their own sense of “honor.”  Dad was a Medical Corpsman who became a Physician’s Assistant (PA) after retiring, while Mom used to be a Wave (nurse) in the Navy, but became a stay-at-home Mom when she started having children. I’ve 2 brothers and 1 sister, the last of them born 10 years before me.  So, when I questioned things, Dad’s response was usually to hand me a medical book and tell me to look it up.  Mom’s response was usually, “go ask your father.”  So, there I was, a 5-year old with a head full of partially-understood terminology (at best!) and a bunch of clinical photography in anatomy and physiology books.  At least I learned the purely physical differences between boys and girls and why I was one and not the other.  This made me mad.  So. Very. Mad.  I cried a lot for a while, finding out that I would never become what I feel I was supposed to be.  But I kept reading....

When I was 6 years old, I wrote a letter to my parents explaining how I felt about my body and how it made me feel inside and how I wished I could change and be the girl I’m supposed to be and would they be ok with helping me do this some day?

It was not received well.  Not well at all.  I’ve spent the last 40 years trying to get over their reaction to it and I still hate them for their reactions with a passion.  I feel like I was truly shattered, and the glue I’ve had to use over the years to put myself back together has never been the right type and pieces of me keep falling apart.

Entering Decade 02 (10 to 20 years old):  Puberty, damn it!  None of my “researches” had even hinted at ways to stop it, and my body started changing in ways that made me very uncomfortable, but there was also this attraction I kept feeling towards some people, and I started getting erections.  Now, I knew what was happening and yes, it did feel good to play with myself, but it also felt wrong in that I should have someone entering me, not me entering them, so when I masturbated that’s what I dreamed of - being entered and feeling them expand inside me, them giving themselves up in me, losing control and exploding into me and feeling their satisfaction as my own at having been so desirable.  Cockwarming them gently back to hardness and having my own way with their body as their hands stroked my breasts and hips.... Eventually I would orgasm in real life, while dreaming my dream.

I have never had a blow-job.  Several girlfriends have attempted, but honestly that’s like the fastest way to shut me down.  It instantly kills my dream between one heart-beat and the next, causing me to feel absolutely horrible about myself and this carcass I’m trapped in.  I should be going down on you, tasting, caressing, nuzzling and lapping up your wetness as I get more and more achy and wet for you.... Sticking my dick in your mouth is absolutely the worst thing that can happen during any attempt at sexy-times for me.  I’d rather have diarrhea on a crowded school-bus.

The problem was, I had been emotionally terrorized by my parents (and now I know how they controlled my access to information...) and the area I grew up in was populated by fairly conservative folks, so I had no exposure to other ways of living and had no idea I could express my sexuality in any way other than by being masculine with it.  Ergo, I was very much in the closet, hiding my thoughts and feelings as best I knew how, and retreated from situations that might expose my inner workings. Hence, I’m an introvert who overshares o.0  Start unstacking the bricks from my walls and Watch Out!  You might get more than you bargained for :-\

Decade 03 (20 to 30 years old):  I was just positive I didn’t want kids.  Also had no clue what to do with myself, so I landed in Alaska for about a decade.  Isolated, small town, conservative folks (a church on every corner, attended at least twice a week).  Repressive.  No sex for 8 of those 10 years.  Met my (now ex-) wife up there.  Internet actually got off the ground and we bought a computer, modem, and had an AOL account!  This was around 2002′ish or so.  Yeah, I watched the twin towers fall on a tv in a bar in Alaska.  But while in Fairbanks, I discovered the old Usenet Newsgroups... and that led me straight back into my diaper-fetish which I’d almost forgotten about... omg, seeing those first photos... I can’t describe the feelings that burned in me.

Decade 04 (30 to 40 years old):  Left Alaska and moved to western Washington State.  Worked as a Medical Assistant for about 5 years, then re-invented myself as a welder when I got a Federal job.  Learning a whole new trade wasn’t easy.  Shittons of practice later I was good at it and loving my career, until a toolbag fell on my head in 2008.  It could have killed me had I been in any other position.  As it was, it hit the top of my head while my spine was almost perfectly straight up’n’down, causing a couple of discs in my neck to blow out.  One completely ruptured and the other bulged so badly it could never heal and restricted my movement (couldn’t look up or pull my chin in).  To this day I still have a smallish “shadow” on my cervical spinal nerve where the disc exploded and a “dent” where the next one down bulged out.  The doctors think that’s why I’m incontinent and really struggle to get hard-ons anymore.

Here’s the rub:  I’ve hated this body of mine forever.  I’m not supposed to get hard-ons in the first place!  I’m supposed to have breasts, hips, hair, a flat front and a curvy bottom, and you should be making passes at me, not vice versa!

So, rather than pursue medical (surgical) options to deal with the urinary and occasional fecal incontinence, I choose to wear diapers and give myself regular enemas.  This way I can kinda (mostly) control the #2 and keep it from happening in public, while I can let my bladder just run on it’s built-in autopilot (which is really random, btw).  Wearing diapers also helps me with tucking!  I can  pull the dick out, pop the balls up inside where they belong, tuck the dick as far back as I can and put my diaper on tight.  Bingo!  A flat front!  And a bit of a poofy bottom!  YES!!

Decade 05 (40 to 47′ish years old):  I’m beginning to feel slightly more confident in my sexuality, though I’m still not comfortable actually trying to seek out anyone special... but yeah - I’m an introvert by nature.  Probably need to get adopted by someone because I’m not sure I’ll ever really be brave enough to really reach out first....  But now I’m able to afford nice diapers, I’m buying women’s jeans/pants/sweaters/onesies, and I’m feeling so much better about myself when I’m able to dress up.  Keeping my chest and legs shaved helps, too.  When I look down and see long, course, curly body-hair... ugh.  Hair in the armpits and groin is what’s normal.  Chest hair?  Get it off!  Looking at myself in the mirror, I still hate many aspects of my physical self, but when I’m freshly shaved, diapered and wearing women’s jeans and a lovely pink sweatshirt or just lounging around in a cute diaper and huge sweater, I’m much more able to ignore the things I don’t like.

Lately, as I’ve begun exploring my sexuality a little more, I’ve discovered the joys of dildos.  Lemmie tell you what, guys.  A traditional male orgasm doesn’t hold a candle to what I’ve felt while playing with a good dildo.  After a good, thorough clean-out in the shower (I have a shower-attachment with multiple nozzles and use the long black rubber one), I’ve used a dildo that’s got a bit of a bend near the tip - it’s shaped like a real penis, normal size (not humongous), with a bit of a crook near the glans.  By holding the balls & suction cup in hand, it can be inserted and moved in-n-out at that perfect angle to stimulate *all* the right spots inside...  I can honestly say I’ve peed, cum, and blew that dildo across the room as my knees hit the floor and I forgot my name during the best, most intense, can’t-walk-for-a-minute whole-body orgasms I’ve ever experienced in my life.  The area between the anus and scrotum feels so very hot and heavy, like it’s going to burst, it’s not truly painful but almost close? - It’s an amazingly satisfying feeling.  I’d love to hear from you girls out there... Are my orgasms anything similar to yours?

Some day, my dream is to meet someone who can understand me, who can feel where I’m coming from, who can love me even when I’m having difficulty loving myself.  Someone who is kind to my broken soul, and who’s idea of a hot date may involve a stop at the adult toy store!

Edited on 01OCT2021:  I’m not looking for a Mommy or a Domme.  I’m an adult with adult responsibilities and concerns.  I’m looking for a partner who’s also fairly self-sufficient.  I own my own home, work full time, and being an introvert I need lots of alone time.  Someone who’s open and accepting of the fact that I’m diapered 24/7/365 and am perfectly capable of changing myself.  And she’ll understand that I don’t just wanna get her out of her jeans for sexy-times, but I also wanna try them on.

Edited again on 02OCT2021:  As I’ve just begun actually  exploring my sexuality, I’m starting to think I seem to fit into the “enby” grouping (even as I don’t like being stuffed into a box, I find myself doing just that, to myself!  Damn categories...).  I don’t know all the lingo yet and it feels like the terminology is a living thing that is always changing.  Even though I’ve always found women to be super attractive, and I also really enjoy wearing women’s clothes and have dreamed of being a woman for decades, every once in a blue moon a guy really turns me on.  I’ve got fantasies about going down on her while he enters me, his hands on my hips pulling me in as he gently thrusts, speeding up slowly as I’m getting wetter, he’s sliding in and out of me faster and faster and I’m lapping up her juices, buried in her scent, the orgasm in all of us building until we simultaneously explode.  Then, once we all have our breath back, each of us gently diapers one another.  The idea of feeling my diaper sticking to my bum as his seed dribbles out of me is really turning me on again right now!  Hearing our crinkles as we move, cuddling in a contented pile, patting bottoms all around.

Am I a “bottom?”  Is there such a thing as an independent “bottom”?  More research is needed!  

[theconfessionsofanoverthinker]

My boyfriend pt 1

Wow, how do I want to start? I want to really get into it so I can have fresh vivid images and feelings and true thoughts and re-encounter how amazing it really was. Oh my gosh I can’t even fully describe what’s going on. I love this kid, I really do have love for him already. I’m going to do my best. Okay do I’ll come back in pt 2 with actual dates and stuff but I’ll jump right into the beginning. I had recently cut off this crazy ass guy that I met on Tinder and I’m like ok fuck it let’s try this again. I was getting so bored I swear tinder was soo ugly I couldn’t even hold conversations with half of those guys. And then I came across Charlie, ugh he was just so adorable. The obvious caught my eye, nice cars, nice eyes, nice hair, nice clothes. And WEED. And he was 21? How could I ask for more? And I had literally fallen for him by the time we matched, I think I waited maybe a day or less before I just shot my shot. I said “sheeeesh” with a few heart eye emojis and he said something like “Look at you”, and I just died. Was it too good to be true already? What was the catch? Fake acc??? Dude I don’t even know, but I was quick to gtfo of Tinder and asked for his snapchat, which went well. He sent me a selfie at one point when talking and all was fine, I really wanted to hang out with him because I suck at replying and I didn’t want to lose this chance and fuck it up by having out convo go dead. I had already told so many people about him too it was so crazy I was really getting my hope up for this guy. I mentioned him to my coworker Christiane, my siblings, Dora! And here I am, dating him??? He’s my man, my boyfriend, he’s mine. But it was a little challenging at first, I wanted to meet up on the weekend but he’s 21 so he was out doing 21 things w his friends of course. He went to ugly ass Darna and the MGM both places I can’t go to smh. Anyways, he’s definitely flirting with me as we’re talking, and I just kept mentioning that we should hang out. I asked him to come over and he actually said yes ?? oh bruh, he pulled up and was v cute. He was wearing a black shirt and jeans, I was wearing a long sleeve t shirt and shorts since we were just cooling it at my house I didn’t want to look like I was trying too hard. I was actually so shook like omg, I went and told my mom that I was having a friend over and then yeah ((((: She was iffy of course, and one of the first things he said was that my room was “comfy” and it’s funny just last night he mentioned that he was relieved that I didn’t smell like basic bitch. Which is basically like VS but I’m on the other boat of basic at Bath and Body works lmaooo, he’ll find out later though. It’s funny because I do want to get into nicer perfumes anyways, so it’s good timing. Continuing, we were drinking Patron as our first drink omg. Only a few shots and they were half shots because he was driving far back home and he had gone to a bar beforehand. It’s crazy because we totally vibed together and I knew we both felt it, like we were feeling each other but at the same time I we could’ve been cool ass friends. And I’m glad that we have a bff feeling relationship, like that’s my mf boyfriend but that my mf mans too. He literally gives me diarrhea of the mouth, and as someone that can never stop talking it’s crazy to think that I could talk anymore than I already do without not being able to breath between words. At the same time my mind gets jumbled up and I lose my train of thought and I don’t know what to say. Some things just jump out and others just take so long to formulate and I second guess it but even when I cross reference stories and get lost Charlie always reminds me what the whole point of the conversation was. Charlie. Charlie. Charlie. Good luck Charlie, Charlie and Lola? Charlie is literally so gorgeous, even though he might be wearing colored contacts lmfaoo. And it’s funny bc this other hoe ik wears them so I subtweeted and I wonder if he thinks it’s about him. I love him for appreciating my little butt and my little boobs. See how I keep getting distracted, I can’t even tell our story bc he’s so great and all his little details excite me a lot. Ok so we hung out and he didn’t even kiss me or try to do much but he did flirt with me I think? I couldn’t even tell if he was being friendly or not.  The next time we hung out we drank again, and same thing. It was nice we cooled it but nothing big. As soon as he asked for my number though, I KNEW he was fucking w me. And then I think that it was the 3rd time I copped us coke, and it honestly sucks that my memory is so hazy. Especially with someone that I care about so much and such significant moments, I wish I could remember everything. I wish I could relive it and remember. That’s why this blog is so important to me, I need to remember the good because it seems that only bad and traumatic moments stick to me and cling to my mind. I remember being on my couch and just leaned over and he kissed me and I just exploded. I wish I could remember what I was wearing, what show was on the TV, what time and day it was. I’ll investigate but there’s only so much information I can gather. I don’t want him to know that my mind is burnt as much as it is, I don’t want Charlie to think that something’s wrong with me. And looking back at out 1 month of talking and me falling for him, all I do is talk and talk and I probably seem mildly crazy and self centered. This is not my world, and these people aren’t just living in it. I don’t even know much about him, he’s gonna come over today and I’m going to just ask him everything and stfu. I wish I wasn’t so me, me, me all the fucking time. It’s probably so noticeable and ugly. My fucking baby. I am SO happy he is mine like wow I want him to feel appreciated. I want him to feel good, and I want him to be so happy to be with me and say I’m his girlfriend too. UGH I just missed a good writing opportunity just now while Kukuwa went to lunch. I have a new motivation and yeah it’s to look good for myself but it’s also to look good for my boyfriend, I can only wear so much make up and jewelry. My true looks, frizzy hair, fat stomach, and flat ass will always peek out no matter how I dress it up. I need to work on it, I can’t be out with a cute ass guy like him and not look like a bad ass bitch. So far we’ve been to the movies together, and the fair. But those are separate stories, and this will literally go on forever and ever. I wanted to write every detail I could possibly remember, and I can’t wait to add things to our scrapbook, it’s going to be so lit. He’s motivated me to stay more financially stable so that I can sustain us both, so we can have fun and can continuously have a nice time. I want to go everywhere, I want to go on trips and go see the world and have real adventures with my love. Fall is coming up and we’re going to do the whole sha-bang, I want to go to the pumpkin patch, horror fest at Kings Dominion, I want to dress up as something doesn’t have to match or anything. I want to take corny ass photos, and I REALLY want to carve pumpkins. I want to be able to get naked and let you love me, to embrace me and to kiss me everywhere. I want to be able to feel good and confident in front of my boyfriend. I recently got some new products hopefully they can help with the new scars bumps and the old scars, I feel like it’s going to take forever but I hope it’ll go quick. I need to start taking my vitamins and just take care of myself in general. Going back to Charlie instead of going on and on about my pointless and selfish insecurities, as soon as we kissed I felt myself melt into my underwear. I Felt myself wanting more and more, wanting to just grab him and love him everywhere. Literally the night that I discovered the song “Sleepwalk” by Santo and Johnny was right after we just had our first kiss and the riff at the first 7 seconds of the song just climaxes the same slow and tender way that these feelings hug my insides and gently squeezes my heart with small pools and waves of care and affection. I’m sure there’s a better way to organize those thoughts and feelings but I want it to be true and raw. He is just so pretty, Charlie is soo pretty to me I don’t know what to do. We had an unspoken trust where we gave each other everything. Sometimes I want to rip his face off because hes just so mesmerizing to me. It would super duper suck if he has brown eyes he’d look fine of course but the bragging rights that I have a boo w hazel eyes is veryyy high for me. He told me that he’d be having a oc for a whole week and that I’m invited of course, we’ll see how that goes. I’m not going to lie but the fact that I haven’t met his mom makes me nervous and hurt. What if she doesn’t like me or doesn’t approve of me, and we’re already dating as boyfriend and girlfriend? I really do think that it matters and I almost jokingly met her last night but I didn’t like my outfit enough for a first impression and I honestly do think it matter so much dude. This is the first and last image she’ll see of me until the next time I’d see her and who knows how long that’ll be. Not only that im trying to get hit from the back soooo bad omg I miss back shots so bad but I feel like we can’t catch the same rhythm. It sucks because the one time we did it was the first time we had sex in his little side room in his basement. And DUDE I’m lowkey embarrassed I did this weak ass little roll on his dick. I think our sex is really good, but it could be better. I haven’t cheated on him and I can feel that my pussy is tight and I can tell that he feels it too.   

8/28/2019

[carolrance]

it’s that time again

time for my weekly episodes whingefest

omg i hate it

i actually….

i hate to say this but i think i’m done. i honestly dont’ want to watch any more of this season. nope. i don’t think i can handle it.

like… i don’t think you all understand how much i hate …

merc.

like his presence not only irritates me on the same level as hornet-covered poison oak in my vagina but the mere sight of him gets me right to the cusp of vomitting. no jokes. like there are very few tv characters that i loathe so intensely in the way i absolutely 1000% abhor this one. i literally hate every single thing about him. it’s to the point i don’t even like the actor. i would bathe in a tub of hot lard and diarrhea before even entertaining the idea of what sex with that man would be like.

i think that was part of the reason i enjoyed s4 (and to some degree s3) much more than S1&2–and certainly more than s5. there was very, VERY limited merc in s4. it was glorious. and truth be told, he was still gross and fucking annoying, but because there was so little of him, i could handle it. also since carol was in no danger of being roped into sleeping with him (again) i could breath easy. and really, in all total honesty, the merc scenes in the first half of s4 were quite well done and entertaining. (i’d link to clips but fucking showtime banned me from youtube (and threatened to sue me IIRC) for uploading them. yes. a few 30 second clips of your never-talked about tv programme are what’s hurting ratings. that must be it. ANYWAYYYYY.)

this season has too much merc. it also has too much matt. too much tim. too many MEN IN GENERAL. i think matt leblanc is actually really fucking great in this role but it reaches a point where i don’t want to have every scene be about him. thank god it seems like the tim shit is over. that was a huge mistake sucking up so much screentime over a gag that was done 2 minutes into the premiere episode. but merc is not going away. he’s only becoming more prominent.

and that makes me literally gag and want to die. so i honestly don’t think i can continue to watch this season because based on last night’s episode, i am almost 100% certain that they’re setting carol/merc up as endgame.

and i just

i cannot deal with that

so i’m stopping now before i have to see it. cos once it’s seen, i can’t unsee it. but i can prevent myself from seeing it in the first place. (much like i did with that doreah deleted scene. i honestly did not watch that until like years later…by that time iw as comfortable laughing at how fucking idiotic it all was and just brushed it off as bullshit.)

okay so the thing is this. this episode had carol gushing over how much better she’s feeling cos a) she’s on prozac and b) she’s seeing merc again and it’s “different this time” – that is ALWAYS AND FOREVER A RED FLAG IN ANY RELATIONSHIP. (newsflash: it is never different in the end if the person does fuck all to address their issues.) and beverly (knowing merc is engaged to morning) NOT telling her best friend, and ends with carol being idiotically pregnant. [LIKE I AM SORRY. did she just stop taking the pill? well… i guess she didn’t need to all last year whilst she was with helen but even wlw are on the pill sometimes too. alos USE A FUCKING CONDOM YOU NASTY FUCKS. liek fuck seriously. that merc is literal human garbage and fucks around CONSTANTLY. carol, do you like herpes?? cos fuck. not using a condom is just a fucking stupid ass move for a 40 year old who knows better.]

so here’s how it’s gonna go cos this show NEVER goes the way i want it to go:

carol tells him she’s pregnant with his sweaty potatobaby (disgusting)

she find out he’s engaged and cheating AGAIN (yawn)

it breaks her heart a-fucking-gain (yawn)

merc has some sort of redemption arc after some unnecessarily long and drawn out, totally unfunny and probably offensive “drama” with morning (gross)

the 2 of them probably get some stupid revenge on helen (gross)

carol forgives him and they agree to raise their nasty potatobaby together and live happily ever after (barf)

and then in the final scene he cheats on her again cos ha ha so funny right (not funny)

so yeah. i’m out.

i’m not here for that fucking shit.

if this fucking guy kept her as a secret mistress for FIVE YEARS and never cared, he’s not gonna magically change unless they write him OOC.

like i just completely loathe his mere existence and him being with carol is all sorts of AHS-levels of disturbing and annoying.

but all that aside

this week’s episode was just…

no.

the only thing i liked (other than a few clever one-liners) was that bev hates merc almost as much as i do. that was refreshing. i may have to change my url here to beverlylincoln cos i’m feeling this bitch.

i think my least fav episodes are the bottle episodes that are almost exclusively matt, bev, and sean. (last season it was the hospital episode (which admittedly had the bright shining spot of the pubey scene). this time it’s the ranch one.) i do enjoy those characters and their interactions but there’s a limit on my tolerance and interest. i love the banter (espesh between matt and bev) but it seems bogged down by the whole shitload of NOTHING that happens. the whole wild pig b-plot was so pointless and wasn’t even funny? like….why?

but let’s see what i can be offended about this week? oh. animal cruelty? that’s always a good laugh. i mean… tbh. it wasn’t close to the worst thing this week. it was just… boring? unnecessary? like WHY DID THIS WHOLE EPISODE JUST FEEL LIKE FILLER???? WHY DID THEY HAVE YET ANOTHER EXAMPLE OF A JOKE THAT WASN’T FUNNY (shooting the pig) IN THE FIRST PLACE AND THEY DRAGGED IT OUT WAY TOO LONG?? (is that like the calling card of s5???) everything important that happened here could have been done in 6 minutes with exactly the same impact and minus the shitty unfunny too-long gag.

it’s the 4th episode of the 7-episode FINAL series….and THIS????? is what they give us?

like

no thanks.

you can keep it.