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[completefamilywellness]

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[ferrstappen]

surprise! we are a family l dad!Lando Norris x reader

a/n:thank you so so much to the anon who requested this because... I'm never leaving this idea.

pairing: Lando Norris x female!reader

genre: fluff <3

summary: this wasn't planned. you are basically children yourselves and why isn't getting pregnant at 24 not considered teen pregnancy? Now Lando is waiting to meet his baby and hoping he doesn't mess up.

Lando never thought he'd find himself holding your hand in the middle of the night, fighting the nerves and anxiety of your baby coming too son, three weeks earlier than expected.

He wondered if this was his first taste of fatherhood... His leg bouncing up and down while checking the small screen monitoring the baby's heartbeat; he didn't understand a single thing, but it looked stable and it sounded healthy for his ears. Still, his stomach felt like an endless pit of worries while thinking the baby wasn't supposed to arrive now, it was supposed to be delivered via c-section in three more weeks, just like both you and him had planned.

He also couldn't stop thinking about the long road to this moment.

After finishing university, Lando asked you to travel with him for the remaining of the season which hadn't even reached the 9th date, but you agreed and traveled with your boyfriend with no worries, no homework, no lectures, just you and him, trying to be his emotional support after every race, the pair of familiar eyes during every press conference, the warm embrace after every interview.

You were always so focused on him and his well being that it took Lando more than a good couple of seconds to realize you were throwing up in the bathroom of your shared hotel room, door closed but not locked, so he waited until he heard the water running and the sound of you brushing your teeth.

He asked you what happened, you answered your stomach had been feeling funny for the last couple of days, but today you just couldn't take it. Lando insisted the cause was the seafood you had eaten yesterday at the restaurant.

He didn't even let you kiss him until you brushed your teeth, not wanting to go anywhere near the taste.

The other scenario never crossed his mind; you were always careful, rarely not using a condom even if you were on a contraceptive. You never had a pregnancy scare or anything, always secure on the fact you and Lando were safe.

Anyway, some call it a miracle, others a mistake, whatever you choose, but when your mother suggested you take a pregnancy test just in case since your stomach wasn't the same, your head was everywhere and felt a bit weak during the day, you couldn't rule it out.

It was Interlagos, rainy and humid São Paulo, Lando had left very early for training and you managed to get to a pharmacy and get a test.

You wanted to think it was impossible, but you were too aware of the friend of a friend getting pregnant while on the pill, a friend of you cousin getting pregnant with the implant, a classmate still didn't know how it happened, but now the baby was two years old.

About an hour later, Lando walked into the hotel room, ready to take a shower and sleep, preparing for a busy Friday, but instead he found you sitting with your legs crossed on the bed, not noticing his entrance.

Lando didn't even say hello when he noticed the white stick and a white plastic.

"Please don't tell me you got Covid," That was the only thing on his mind, already too familiar with that test, but this time you stared up at him, trying to find the words.

I am pregnant. What the fuck are we going to do, Lando?

He asked if you were sure, if you were feeling okay, how was it possible, what were you supposed to do now, would your families kill you, would your dad ever speak to him again, should you have the baby or would it be irresponsible.

All those moments were behind as he stared at your scrunched face, teary eyes and messy hair as a contraction hit, but he wasn't able to find the words to help you, he just held your hand and kissed your forehead when you allowed him.

It went on during the entire night. Contractions getting stronger, pain getting sharper, his desperation more palpable whenever someone came in to check you and said there was no progress, you should keep waiting, first babies do this all the time and shit.

He doesn't know when it happened, but the doctor said they'd be taking you to the delivery room or something like that, the baby's heartbeat was decreasing and no signals of dilation or something else Lando didn't understand, but he was worried.

The fact the baby wasn't even born and he was already worrying, about you and the strong pains, the contortion on your face even as you were wheeled inside the sterile room and forced him to separate; worrying about his baby, the one neither you nor him wanted to know the sex and allowing your friends to bet hefty sums on it, maybe the baby didn't want to be out, maybe they were feeling everything going on... was that even possible?

The most extreme scenarios were playing on Lando's head right now.

He wasn't familiar and didn't enjoy this feeling, this helplessness, this preoccupation. Lando drove at high speeds for a living and understood the risks, but this was different, it wasn't his usual terrain and didn't like it.

The only thing he could do was text his mum, informing the things they were doing to you, what they said about the baby, and she reassured him, told him his dad had already spoken to the hospital director so every single person knew he wasn't just a racer, this baby was an heir, very beloved and very awaited.

His thoughts didn't make sense by the time a nurse checked if he had put on the sterile equipment correctly before letting him inside the operation room, where you already were laying with your arms spread, swollen belly visible and surrounded by people, a sterile screen impeding your sight.

this was the last time he was going to see the belly, the one he spent nights talking to, putting his ear to try and hear something, placing his hand to feel every move.

He caressed your hair the entire time, it felt like ages but it was maybe twenty or thirty or forty minutes? when he heard the loudest cry he had ever heard, followed by cheers of the medical personnel and someone asking him to cut the umbilical cord.

What?

But he did everything they asked after making sure you were okay, kissing your lips and clearing the tears from your cheeks, praising your strength, how he loved you even more than he did a couple of hours ago, how he was in awe of you.

"It" turned out to be a "she", not very much hair on her head as they handed her already dressed in the pastel yellow newborn onesie that was a bit big on her.

He couldn't stop staring at her, but still somewhat afraid to hold her for any reason besides handing her to you for feeding. She looked so comfy on the crib, so warm and so safe, he didn't want to break that.

But now you were finally catching some sleep after the surgery, and she looked like she wanted out of the plastic as her tiny fists moved around.

Lando didn't think twice, he instantly knew his daughter wanted to be held. Held by him, her dad.

"Come on, my sweet baby girl," Lando muttered as he accommodated her head on his arm, carefully walking towards the big rocking chair in the room, prepared for this situation.

He let his eyes see her, really contemplate his daughter, a creation by him and the love of his life.

Her tongue poked out, eyelashes carefully caressed her skin, her heart beating along with his.

He silently laughed in disbelief, this was his daughter. The smile on his face was too big, his cheeks were hurting as he carefully stretched his arm to take a picture of her, followed by a selfie of him holding her against his hoodie covered chest, wanting to let everyone know his baby girl arrived, healthy and beautiful.

F1 GRID 2023 OFFICIAL WHATSAPP GROUP

Lando Norris: Get your wallets ready...

Lando Norris: This is Amalia, second name to be discussed, Norris. and now I'm a fucking dad so you'll have to respect me.

He didn't expect many responses, knowing there were time differences and events, but instead he received an overwhelming amount of responses.

Pierre Gasly: fuck no Kika told me to bet on girl!!! Congratulations man, she is the most beautiful baby and cannot wait to meet her.

Fernando Alonso: mis felicitaciones a la familia!

Alex Albon: although I'm disappointed it's not a boy, I'm impressed by your work, never thought you'd be able to create such a gorgeous baby

Charles Leclerc: Congratulations to you and y/n, baby Amalia is gorgeous and already helped her uncle Charles bank account!

Lewis Hamilton: Blessings, my man

George Russell: I always knew it was a girl. Carmen and I are delighted, we are sending our best wishes to the new family!

Yuki Tsunoda: i was so sure it was a boy... congrats!

Estaban Ocon: Pay up, everyone!!! What a blessing she's healthy and has the coolest parents!! can't wait to see her in the paddock

Oscar Piastri: the most beautiful member of the McLaren family. big hug and congratulations to y/n and hope she has a good recovery! I guess you deserve a pat in the back too, congrats mate.

Max Verstappen: Looks like she sided with her favorite uncle, I always knew it was going to be Baby Amalia! She is so lucky to have you as parents and I can't wait to meet her.

Max Verstappen: come on sainz, show your face and pay up!!! I'm favorite uncle.

Carlos Sainz Jr: I don't know if I'm disappointed it's not a boy or crying because she looks like her mother and not like you!!

[i-still-mask-because]

I still mask because it's what I can do to protect myself and others.

I still mask because I don't trust the people at the grocery store and on the train to stay home when they're sick, or to stop themselves from spreading COVID.

I've recently learned that the masks I was using are no longer recommended, and have ordered some N95s! I'm doing my best but it's frustrating that I see people masking less and less. 😷

I have also felt the social pressure to go without masking and have given in sometimes, which I'm not proud of. Even my doctor made comments about it. I would love to know what you do/say in these situations!

Hey thank you for sharing! 😷💛

Firstly, I'm happy to hear you're able to upgrade to better quality masks! I hope they're comfortable and have a snug fit!

You're definitely not alone in experiencing pressure to remove your mask. This can be especially difficult when this happens with relatives and friends.

For me personally, I've gotten in the habit of trying to think 10 steps ahead of what I could do to prevent having to take off my mask. I gave some examples of what I would do in the case of visiting a friend or visiting a restaurant in this post here.

In general, I stand my ground with my boundaries if anyone is trying to pressure me to take off my mask. My boundaries are: I will not be removing my mask around other people that I'm not confident have been masking consistently in public and/or high risk scenarios, and I will not be removing my mask around other people that have not been taking enough adequate precautions & testing, if at all, leading up to the time of our convening.

In the case of being in public spaces surrounded by a bunch of strangers, removing my mask is 1000% off the table because there is no way for me to know how covid-cautious all these people around me have been, and my best bet is not at all if they're all maskless. So in the case of if I'm with relatives and/or friends that are trying to pressure me to remove my mask in public, that is a hard no. And frankly, I treat interactions like that as moments that inform me of how they regularly go about their day-to-day during an on-going pandemic: casually & carelessly removing their masks (if they have one at all) in public, with no risk assessment or precautions at all. I know then to double down on my boundaries, and, if possible, distance myself from them. I recommend joining any "Still Coviding" Facebook groups, Discord servers, etc. for your particular state/city/town if you're looking to spend time with more people on the same page as you about the seriousness of the pandemic.

In regards to doctors; I haven't personally experienced pressure to remove my mask from the doctors I've been seeing, but I have had to ask them to put one on around me, especially if the purpose of the appointment actually requires me to remove my mask. Here's a document that has templates for what you could say to your health care provider if you're requesting them to wear a mask in any upcoming appointments (feel free to save a copy and tailor it to your own liking!). Please remember that it's 1000000% your right to demand for accommodations and safety precautions in a literal health care environment. You're not a burden for doing so, and you're not irrational for asking your health care providers to literally do their job and do what they can to protect your health. There's websites like Covid Safe Providers if you're trying to look for a covid-cautious health care provider; it's not guaranteed there's going to be one for your location (I've been having a hard time finding a covid-cautious GP near me), but it's worth a shot to look into.

Overall, here's some links I recommend to equip yourself with knowledge on what you could say in these interactions if you're put in a position to have to explain your choice to take covid precautions & require others to do the same:

How To Talk To Your Loved Ones About Covid

You Have To Live Your Life: A resource for COVID-19 research and information

LitCovid: A literature hub for tracking up-to-date scientific information about the 2019 novel Coronavirus.

Please absolutely feel free to repost these links wherever and share them around to other people!

I hope this was helpful!

As always, if anyone has any additional information or suggestions to give, please feel free to share!

[adventuringblind]

Drive With You Forever

Chapter Six: When they realized then needed a bigger bed

Max Verstappen x reader x Charles leclerc x lando norris

Chapter Summary: Lando is a bit insecure, sleeping arrangements are changed, reader gets an ominous letter, Charles is furious with Ferrari

Warnings: anxiety, insecurities, creepy people, ferrari being idiots

Notes: so, hear me out here y'all. Any thoughts on adding a fifth 👀

Previous <-

Masterlist

Lando spent the rest of the break with them. Or, as much as he could.

He felt like he belonged every time he was near them. Even if they were just sitting. He felt loved and wanted.

They hadn't officially said what they are yet. Lando has no idea where any of this is going. But for now, he's enjoying it.

The start of the season came around quickly. All of them are back to traveling around the world in now time.

Something new is in the air, however.

Covid had been a possible threat to their sport. It had already canceled other events and prohibited people from leaving their houses.

They got to spend a few days in Australia before being sent home. Ordered to tay inside.

Lando was terrified. He hates being cooped up, and he hates being alone. Two of his worst nightmares come to get him. The idea makes him want to vomit.

It's her idea that he stays with them. He practically lives there already anyway. Max is especially excited to have his gaming buddy in the same house, and Charles is glad that Lando is open to the idea of all this.

All of you hated the idea of not being able to leave the house. The only thing keeping everyone sane is each other.

The boys have taken to streaming. The setup in every room made to look like it's an entirely different house.

There have almost been a few close calls. Her awareness of tlwhen they have a camera on not the greatest. It's specifically difficult when all three odbthen are playing and she has nowhere to go.

Max took the main bedroom. Lando has been living in the guest bedroom and set up there. Charles has a corner of the living room. It leaves very few safe spots for her.

Their sleeping arrangement hadn't changed. Lando is still holed up in the guest bed. Despite all three of them making it known he could sleep with them if he wanted.

She saw the anxiety flashing through his eyes every time they brought it up. They'd tried talking to him about it it multiple times now only for Landonto shut down right before their eyes.

"You could just kiss him." Suggests Max one night like as the three crawl into bed.

"And send him straight into a panic attack?" Charles counters. His hands under his pillow and spine facing the ceiling.

"Have we ever considered that maybe he doesn't want this?" She ponders. Her arms wrap around her legs and pull them into her. Both boys just shake their heads. They'd all picked up on how he was testing certain boundaries. Slowly getting comfortable with being more touchy. He asks questions about them whenever he sees them do something new. Longing glances cast between him and the other three when they do something romantic.

“I think he’s just shy.” Charles voice is muffled by his head in his pillow.

“Maybe we need a slow start.”

~

Lando can’t sleep that night. The tossing and turning he’d been doing forever, not helping him. There are too many thoughts. There are too many wants. Not enough sleep.

He'd been listening to someone tiptoeing around outside. The hushed whispers of deep male voices. Sometimes, the cats would pur outside the door.

He was already when he heard someone softly knocking on the door. "Yeah?"

The door opens, revealing the outline of a female figure. She pads over to the bed and crawls in next to him. "Can I stay? The boys are snoring. Only if you're okay with it, though."

'"Yeah, sure, it's no problem. I can't sleep either, actually."

She slides herself under the covers and curls up into his sides.

He'd been more touchy with then recently. He didn't know the limits and it seemed like touch is a secondary form of communication. But this felt different. Seeing her completely relaxed, head on his chest and his arm now wrapped around her. It's more intimate. She's letting herself be completely vulnerable with him. Something very few get the privilege of.

He did even realize he fell asleep until he's awoken by another set of knocks. They just come in without knocking.

"Can't believe you left us." Charles feigns and exaggerates a look of heartbreak.

"You sounded like your engine at the start of a race." She counters.

Max keels over from laughing so hard.

None of them mention the way Lando is holding her. Neither of them make it awkward.

"Can we join you? You look so cozy." Max smiles at them. His voice raspy from his previous sleep.

"Sure, if it's not weird or anything."q

"Why would it be weird?" The girl on his chest asks. He looks at her, and there is genuine confusion in her eyes.

"I'm not - you know - with you guys."

"Do you want to be?"

He's grateful the lights are low because he can feel the heat in his cheeks. Everything in him wants to say yes.

"The offer is there Lando, if you want it."

He goes to sleep with that thought in his head. The presence of other people comforting enough to send his head into the bliss of unconsciousness.

~

The way they wake up in the morning is absolutely ridiculous. The girl is still on top of Lando's chest. The two of them are tucked protectively into Max. His arm managing to grip both their waists. Then Charles is sprawled across their legs.

He's met with pretty eyes batting down at him. A smile creeping on his face at the sight. "Is this normally how you wake up?"

"Depends on the night." She answers with a chuckle. He lets himself relax into the soft feeling of the bed. The other two males waking up slowly to the sun drifting in through the window.

"Why me? I don't add anything to the group."

"You don't have to add anything. Yourself is enough because we love you." She smiles. "Seb says I spent so much time away from people that now I have too much love to give."

The German had told her it's okay to want to love more than one person. It just means she has a big heart and wants to share it.

"Is it bad that I like waking up like this? With everyone?"

Max tightens his grip. "We can do this all the time, if you want."

Lando gains the biggest grin on his face. "I think I would like that."

"We're going to need a bigger bed." Comes Charles voice, muffled since his face is in the bed.

His comment making everyone giggle

Then three became four

~

They did manage to get a bed big enough for them. Instead of a set place they had previously, the file in where ever seems most comfortable for the night.

It didn't take long to move Lando in. He didn't have much left at his apartment anyway.

They did have to rearrange some furniture and get another dresser. Their original storage far from enough now. They'd give new purpose to the guest room by basically turning it into a closet. They are proud of their handiwork on that.

Now, if someone wants to stay with them, they'll have to explain why there is a room full of dressers and drawers. Not that they're complaining, though.

Lando had fallen right in sync with how they've been operating. Even adding his own things to their routine.

The four of them were on the couch just talking about anything and everything. Lando with his new hobbies, Max and his iracing team, Charles and his music, her with her new inventions.

They'd wanted to know for a while now what been keeping her attention. She'd done small projects up til this point, and now she had been working on the same thing for weeks. They had yet to figure it out.

Then Max's phone was ringing. Then went Charles. Followed by Lando. The three darting to seperate room to answer without bothering eachother.

She considered calling Seb. Only to cure her boredom while waiting for them to return. She called him and Hanna almost daily. They'd laughed when she told them about Lando. Seb commented that she's collecting drivers at this point. The joke made her laugh so hard she alerted the entire house.

It doesn't take long for Max to come back, practically jumping with excitement. "We can race again!" He cheers. His celebration continued by lifting her into his arms and swinging her around.

Charles and Lando do the same thing, and by the time they finish, the floor is moving beneath her. She had yet to get a phone call. She works for Ferrari, so she figures it will come soon.

She is, however, very wrong.

She gets a call from Mattia hours later. The boys exited to celebrate the return of their livelihoods with her when she comes back with the good news.

All three are shocked to see her return downcast. Her phone call lasts longer than the other three combined. They can't hear anything aisde from small sniffles.

She doesn't want to tell them what was said. She dosen't want to ruin their night with her problems.

Mattia had called just to tell her not to come anywhere near the garage. Somone had been leaking Ferrari designs and data to Redbull. The most likely suspect is her because she's dating Max, but that's their only evidence.

It feels wrong. She feels let down in a way. Did they really think she would do that?

She's drying her tears before they can see them, but they know. They'd seen her upset enough times to know when she's hurting.

Charles is the first to embrace her. The hug causes her to fall into him. She choked on her sobs as she hid her face in his chest. His fingers fall into the same soothing pattern that always calms her down.

"They think I told Max Ferrari secrets." She sobs.

The other three exchange looks of anger and confusion. Obviously, someone had done it if they had a reason to think this, but to blame it on her makes no sense. She'd been with them longer than Charles. She practically lived in the garage helping the mechanics.

"I promise I didn't, Charles. I could never hurt you and Seb like that."

"I know you didn't, mon chéri. You're too busy trying to help Max not crash his car. Our secrets won't fix that.

Lando bites his lip to hold a laugh in, and Max dramatically clutches at his chest. "I'm offended by this Charles. Next time, I'm crashing into you."

~

Their first day back, she immediately ran off to find seb. Only to hault in her tracks when she sees him in the Ferrari garage. She looks at Charles, who followed close behind since they needed to go to the same place anyway. "Can you tell Seb I'm out here and want to see him, please?"

The Monegasque nods understandingly and stalks off. Still angry that they've kicked her out of any Ferrari places in the Paddock.

Seb nods his head at Something Charles said, then comes in her direction. Despite the protocol, the German hugs her anyway. "I'm trying to sort things out, I promise."

"I'm alright, really, I'm just disappointed that they think so low of me after all these years." She sighs.

The engineers are looking at her with sad and longing glances. She was immensely helpful to their strategy and safety. Very few of them really believe what they've been told.

She spends her newfound freedom to see those she hadn't in months. Daniel's smile is still as big as the last time she saw it in person. Alex and Lily haven't changed a bit. George seems to have gotten taller over the break. Then Carlos, his jokes just as bad as when they last saw each other.

Pierre and Kika end up finding her. Pierre spent a good chunk of time with Charles, and though he hasn't said anything, she gets the feeling the Frenchman knows there's something going on.

She doesn't know where to go. Everyone knows her as the Ferrari girl. It hurts seeing everyone in red and wishes she could be there with Seb.

Redbull is out of the picture for now. If Seb is trying to fix things, that would make it worse. McLaren seems like a good option, but even then, she doesn't know if she'll be wanted.

She finds a corner of the paddock that's secluded and tucks herself away. Her mind is doing its best to try and escape the reality that she is no longer with Ferrari.

~

It seems nobody is going to disturb her. That she may get to sit here in peace. Until someone she doesn't recognize is standing in front of her.

He looks like a fan. "Excuse me, sir, do you need help?" She asks. Her voice made to be friendly since he's probably not trying to disturb her and she dosent want him to feel bad.

"Actually, I was looking for you." He fishes around in his pockets and pulls out a note. The envelope folded and creased and he hands it to her.

"He said he's nit finished with you." Is his only statement before turning on his heels and leaving her alone again.

~

She texted the boys that she was going to the hotel. The encounter left her with a sick feeling. She just made up some excuse about not feeling comfortable around the Ferrari garage. It's only Thursday. They won't miss her with their media duties to keep them busy.

Her fingers hold the crinkled envelope. No address or name on it.

Her curiosity gets the better of her, and she's ripping it open to soothe it. The letter itself is just a handwritten piece of white lined paper. Nothing special.

The contexts inside the note make her sick. She knows this handwriting. It's her father's.

Sentences about how he's going to come back for her when they let him off parole. How he's been spending his free time learning everything the government would teach him. He was a benefit to them and he is benefiting from them.

There are instructions about how to keep herself in top condition for when he is finally able to continue his work. To make her whole. To let her atone for her sins.

The room feels as if it's closing in on her. She can't breathe. All sense of reason lost to the idea she could be going back there.

But she's an adult now, right? He can't tell her what to do.

She tucks the note into her coat pocket. Praying the boys don't go rifling through her things. She's not going to tell them. Worry about what it could do to them eating her up inside.

They have jobs to do. She's just here now. Alone and lost. Just like all those years ago.

~

Traveling with the four of them makes trips fun. Somone is always getting up to something.

The constant banter filled with love and tender moments makes everything worth it.

She feels guilty for hiding what happened. The note still hidden in the same pocket.

She's analyzed every bit of it. Her free time still massive since Ferrari determined they are not taking her back. Charles and Seb have been struggling more since her departure. The mechanics are trying to make up for her speedy repairs, and the engineers spend more time looking and analyzing data.

The boys can see she's hurting. Charles sees it every time he's heading to the paddock. Lando notices when she looks at her old Ferrari shirts. Max can seem to pull her head away from trying to figure out who did leak the information. Terrified it could hurt Seb and Charles more if the same person is able to do it again.

Max had even made a statement about it along with Charles. Neither of them being heard.

She's basically glued to Lando now. The McLaren garage her new safe place since corners are now seemingly dangerous. They welcome her in with open arms. Lando enjoys sending pictures of her to their group chat, much to her displeasure.

Seb is the one who catches wind of redbull not having a second driver yet. Silly season in full swing with the German moving to Aston Martin, Carlos moving to Ferrari, and Daniel coming to McLaren.

He's over bugging Christian within minutes. Max being dragged with him.

"Just give her a chance. You trusted me once and I wouldn't lie to you. It could actually hurt my career more if you let her drive." Pleads the German.

Christian turns to Max. "Have you seen her drive?"

"Yes, and I can confirm that she fast."

"I'll Gove her one test drive to prove it."

Seb and Max are smiling in excitement. Max is rapidly texting the group. All of them cheering in the message stream.

A week later, she's able to test drive an older car. They geared her up. Her nerves settle in as she slips her helmet on and slips into the car.

All the boys are there to cheer her on. There are a few skeptical looks from people here and there, but they don't say anything.

She fires up the engine and waits for the go-ahead. Her mind fires up as well. Her fingers are getting every piece of information from the car she needs to get the best out of it.

Then engineers release her, and she drives out of the pits. Starting a slow lap to learn the car and track.

She lets small images in of what could happen. A possible spin on her third lap that can be avoided by staying on the inside of the turn. She's flying by lap three and is able to correct the mistake she saw herself make.

Her lap times are gradually getting faster as an engineer gives her data and things they want her to try.

It's not perfect, but she's fast, and she listens. She takes the corrections she's given and gives some feedback of her own. Even asking questions here and there.

She's signing the papers that afternoon. Seb having looked over the contract with her since she doesn't have a manager herself.

She calls Hanna first. The older woman practically screams into the phone, and the kids are chanting her name.

The boys are all over her that night. The four of them celebrate her monumental achievement. The smile doesn't leave her face all night.

~

The off-season is back, and she is busier than she's ever been. Max had to force her to set up every social media account under the sun. The PR team are attempting to get her out there so she dosent go into the season a stranger.

It's weird posting updates about her life for strangers. Though she will admit it is fun to see what her friends and partners post.

It's a controversial subject. She is hardly known and did a little racing prior but nowhere near the amount she should have to be in Formula 1, and she's female.

Some fans have taken a liking to her, and others are ripping her to pieces. She's incredibly glad the boys are there to help her navigate the shark infested waters of the internet.

Speaking of the boys, they've been trying to let her come to them. The guilt that's been eating away at her is showing in everything now.

Her smile drops when she thinks nobody is looking. She's struggling with simple daily tasks. She been more reserved than normal, and frankly, it's scaring them.

Lando decoded he wanted to try his hand at a new recipe, and Charles decided he wanted to be a menace in the kitchen. Max and their female quarter are lounging at the table.

Max is trained to notice small things. He has to as part of his job. So when her eyes flicker to the pocket of her blue zip-up, he knows something isn't as it seems.

"Is your jacket more interesting than me now?" He pokes. Trying to make light of her gloom and ease her into opening up.

Her eyes winden the smallest bit as she shakes her head no too fast for his liking. "Just distracted, sorry."

He can't take it. His instincts are clawing at the back of his mind that something is wrong and her jacket it the answer.

He throws himself over the couch, grabs her jacket, and then plops himself right back down next to her. Lando's frustrated wails echoing in the kitchen as he does so.

"I know something is bothering you and it's something to do with this jacket. Now, either I'm going to find out via investigation, or you can tell me." He quirks his eyebrows at her in a questioning look.

She's shaking now. Her face losing the slightest bit of color. Her hands find her head as the word no falls from her lips repeatedly.

Max places a hand on her knee. "Whatever this is, we'll get through it together, all of us. We want to help you, okay? But we can't do that if you shut us out." He keeps his voice steady and soft. The words he said resonate with her.

She reaches her hand into the pocket and pulls out a letter. Her fingers tremble as she hands it to him to read.

Max takes it cautiously. He can see the panic increasing in her body language. The note crinkled as he unfolds it. His eyes scan furiously over the words.

It makes sense why she's been distant, he thinks. The letter obviously causing her to pull away in case something happened to her.

Max tugs her into his side. "We're not going to let anything happen to you. Honestly, I think Seb may actually start a war if something does."

A ghost of a smile tugs at her lips. "I'm sorry for not telling you. It was just scary how it all happened."

"I understand why you are so scared. Just remember you have three very protective boyfriends who won't let him anywhere near you."

"Seb says he wouldn't be shocked if we get a fifth at this rate."

"Honestly, I don't think any of us would."

The moment is interrupted by shreiks from the kitchen. "Charles! You ruined it!"

~

Next ->

Tags: @styles-sunflower @purplephantomwolf @boiohboii @reblog-princess-blog @jjsprobablywrong @jayda12 @faithm120601 @eugene-emt-roe @lpab (comment if you want to be added)

[itsbansheebitch]

OH MY GOD

yall... i just stood up to my dad.

I wont get into all the shit he has going on & what hes done, but hes what the public call "a crazy mfer" or perhaps "a jackass."

I just tested positive for Covid. My sister has Covid for the second time. She got it from going to a cousin's wedding.

That side of my family is known for BELIEVING in Covid, but calling the China virus (the crazy mfer side of the family, really :/)

Dad then invited himself and his sister (my aunt) to my GRANDMA'S (mom's mom) FUNERAL X_X

Theyre also homophobic (obvi) and my queer ass is like 0_0

Not to mention bro is misogynistic as hell. Bro literally believes that women can not be as strong as men. Disregards all papers that prove otherwise. This man is a SCIENCE PROFESSOR.

I decided to unblock him and rip him apart. I will repeat the text so that we can all clown on him together (written exactly as the text with names & locations redacted):

------------------------

[Sister] brought covid home from the wedding. i tested positive. we are both immunocompromised. the asthma was diagnosed last year or so. thanks for insulting my weight and putting both me and [sister's] lives at risk (sarcasm:D). me and [sister] will not be coming to any more family functions until you care about our health. you know, the bare minimum for a parent?

you will also not come to [town next to us where i went to high school], [city near us where we do shopping & such], or [city where our college campus is] until you get your shit together. if you do, we will have problems :). if i hear you EVER disrespecting my future step sisters, you are going to see what its like for me to take a big sister role :). im tired of yalls excuses. NO ONE deserves the treatment you have given me. i wish you well. as long as you stay far away from me.

------------------------

This is the most push back he's ever received in his life for his behavior. I'm sick and can't think straight. I'm going to make the best of it lmaoooooo

If yall think this is soft on him, consider that if he decides to not respect my boundaries, i will be getting a restraining order, a gun, and if he shows up irl (espec without warning) i will take more extreme measures.

I don't live in the same state as him anymore.

You learn you deserve/deserved better when you look at kids around you and realize that if the same thing happen to them, you'd beat the living shit out of the parents.

NO ONE deserves abuse. NO ONE deserves neglect.

I wish everyone healing in this trying time.

And my covid is already getting better. I think I just got past Day 3. College starts soon and after I recover I'm going to wear a mask just in case X_X

For anyone who has faced abuse or neglect I would recommend (for feeling seen):

OPAL (Animation on YouTube by Jack Stauber)

Not Like Us by Kendrick Lamar

[dcmeme]

Batfam Covid series part 1

I figured out how to turn off autocorrect so it types ‘Selina’ and not ‘Selena’ woohoo! Progress! Multiple parts, all longer than usual.

Damian: Why is it everyone has to be within the same household?

Dick: Because it’s quarantine. Meaning you isolate with people you’ve been in contact with already that could have the disease.

Jason: I mean, I’ve gotta agree, this seems a bit blown out of proportion. The symptoms aren’t reading.

Tim: I think it’s more of the spread that’s of concern and those with preexisting health conditions being affected more than anything else-

Bruce: *throws tiny robots on the ground that latches to everyone’s ankles* There.

Jason: HEY! You said I wouldn’t be under house arrest again if I didn’t blow shit up (on purpose) or cause a full body cast for at least 3 weeks!

Bruce: This isn’t house arrest, this is insurance that none of you try to leave and put others at risk of infection.

Damian: That is absurd!

Dick: I gotta say, this feels a little extreme, Bruce.

Tim: Yeah, no. *takes it off*

Jason: How the f*ck?!

Tim: I’m gonna go stay at my boyfriend’s.

Bruce: The last thing you are doing is leaving this house, Tim. Like you said- it’s a major concern for those of preexisting health conditions.

Selina: I helped Alfred switch your and Damian’s old bedrooms so you are a bit more isolated-

Damian: Excuse me?! I don’t want to sleep near Helena’s room. She continues to make sounds.

Bruce: You don’t have a choice. In fact, none of you do. Not until everyone is tested- including anyone you’ve been around the last 12 days.

Dick: So no Kori?

Bruce: Has she been tested?

Dick: I mean she’s been on another planet with Mari for, like, 6 months soooo

Bruce: they’re fine to stay.

Damian: Can John come over?

Bruce: I don’t even let him over when there isn’t a pandemic.

Jason: Can’t I just be under house arrest at a safe house? I don’t care to self isolate- just let me grab a few books and I’m good for dayyys.

Bruce: Absolutely not.

Tim: Ok than let Bernard come over?

Bruce: No.

Tim: But what if he tests.

Bruce: I don’t like that boy being in my house.

Tim: Oh come on. He only broke,like, two or three things in the cave.

Jason: Didn’t that somehow include the giant penny?

Damian: and the window to the Batmobile.

Dick: *sighs* The chair to the batcomputer has squeaked ever since he left that night.

Bruce: My cape.

Alfred: He was rather harsh on the grappling hooks as well, Master Drake-

Tim: I said I loved a man, not a smart one-

Bruce: No Bernard.

Tim: oh come on! Dick gets to bring Kori!

Dick: and my kid.

Tim: Oh come on you barely see her but three times a year.

Dick: I’ve known her seven months and she’s been gone six for some Tamaranian ritual or something humans can’t be at!

Selina: Will all of you stop shouting. If my baby wakes up, I will find a way to make all of you pay.

Bruce: The only person with a second option on where they’re staying is Damian-

Jason: Bull shit!-

Bruce: Talia has asked he go back to the league’s temple since COVID hasn’t likely breeched them yet.

Damian: Can I bring my children?

Bruce: Only the dog.

Damian: than no.

Bruce: you’ll have to take that up with your mother.

Damian: I’ll make this much clear- I would sacrifice each of you individually for the sake of my children-

Tim: you mean your pets?

Damian: they are family in this house, Drake. I can’t say the same for you.

Tim: You really don’t expect me to live next to this brat for literal months, right? He’ll kill me by the end of the week! I’m much safer at my place.

Bruce: As of right now this is all of our place. Stop bickering and get used to the idea of being under the same roof for a while.

Cassandra: It could be fun! We can even have a family dinner after we’re all tested.

Damian: oh joy. Sharing food with the nuisance Drake and the pig that is Todd. Fantastic.

Jason: Don’t you have a mommy to call?

Damian: Don’t you have a casket to sleep in!

Jason: Oh f*ck you!

Bruce: now boys-

Tim: Is this seriously how you expect me to live?!

Cassandra: we can make breakfast for dinner and by then maybe the weather will be nice enough to open windows and set up candles-

Jason: you think you have it bad?! I’m surrounded by the same people who-

Damian: I better not have to sit at that dinner by Drake, Cain, or so help me god-

Bruce: enough!

Tim: For my own safety please god do not do that cass-

Jason: I don’t see why you’re complaining when I’m the one who has to-

Bruce: *louder* enough

Tim: I have a right to feel however I want!

Damian: If that is the case, I feel you should all be disowned-

Dick: why are we all arguing again?!

Damian/Tim/Jason/Bruce: SHUT UP, DICK/GRAYSON

Dick:… what did I do? 🥺

Helena: *screaming from upstairs*

Selina:…

Bruce:…

Everyone:…

Bruce:…we’ll take this outside.

Selina: That would be great, thank you.

[kaija-rayne-author]

Review 2 in series for Dragon Age Veilguard

Spoilers for Veilguard

First part of review series is below.

I'm not an asshole disclaimer (same as the first one, if you read that, you can just skip down to the cut.)

Something came to my attention. I need to make it crystal clear that I utterly love the diversity in DAV. It's fantastic. I'm also a heavily left leaning, non-binary, queer as fuck reviewer, editor, and author.

I'm on media blackout while I play this, so I'm only getting second-hand info on how awful it is right now in the DA Fandom. Please be safe and take care of yourselves. Arguing with incels and white supremacists is completely pointless. They sea lion worse than an actual sea lion. Your mental health is important.

Though, every single time the anti-queer brigade comes out for a new DA game, I sit there thinking 'have you bozos ever played any DA game, like, ever?' My guess is nope.

9 hours in, 7 hours playtime.

Negative review

While I'm incredibly grateful that I can play this game, because I really hope the story actually starts soon, (yes, I said it, the pacing on this is terrible, and I'm both an editor and a writer, I have a clue). I hate to say... I am soooo glad I didn't buy it. Or I'd be demanding a refund. I didn’t actually look at the price tag, but it must’ve been around $120 Canadian. Given our cost of living crisis, that's obscene but whatever. Games are expensive.

It's just not worth that much in its current state. Sure. Games on release often have bugs. I kinda hate spending money to be an unpaid beta tester. BG3 had nowhere near as many.

My computer comes down right around the middle of the minimum and recommended specs. DA4 doesn't even make it get hot like BG3 makes it. So I'm really thinking glitchy game vs computer issues. Considering I'm not the only one it's happening to... welp. (I looked the glitch up, it's pretty common.)

5 out of 10 loads, my character glitches back to the stock elf body. And if I continue playing, it corrupts my saves and they won't load. It has also happened mid-battle, too. So I have to figure out which save to go back to before the glitch bit. Which, without pics in the save files is fun /s.

'Balanced' play isn’t. I play on tactician/hard in most games. I'm on balanced, and keep fucking dying. TBH I'm not extremely awesome with the controls and moves yet, but I'm not bad either. I honestly just think the bad guys are too overpowered (way too fast, hit too hard, and it takes too long to break their armour) for beginning levels. And yes, I have my Rook in the best armour I currently have. Maybe if I could carry more than 3 potions, it wouldn't matter as much, but IDEK man.

And you know what isn't actually any fun in games? Dying a lot. Also? Having to drop my difficulty level for regular bad guys less than ten hours into the game. It's still teaching me moves ffs, so is sorta the tutorial. I'm not a 'get gud' type. I think that's ridiculous. Gaming is supposed to be fun. If it makes it more fun to drop the level for a boss fight or whatever, more power to you. But I usually don't have to until end-game material. If I have to at all. It's honestly pretty rare. Load time is ridiculous, so every time an over-powered not-a-fucking-darkspawn slams my rogue (which I swear shouldn't be possible, I know how to fight with rogues, they're my first and favourite class), I get creamed because I'm bloody stuck in a place I shouldn't get stuck in.

I know they had testing on this. Wasn't that why the date was pushed back? My memory isn't great since COVID but I think I might’ve seen that somewhere.

Solavellans will likely be disappointed in the first seven hours. You see Solas twice. He may as well not even be in the game.

And I really hate to say this, but I'm just bored. I wasn’t itching to play it like I usually am with good games. (If a game catches me up, it's about the only thing I want to do.) I still loaded it up tonight, didn’t have anything better to do. (Because I'd probably have done that instead.) I'm mostly playing so I know what happens in the story myself. And I was hoping we'd get some answers to all this lore that lives in my head, rent free. So, whatever, I'm still hoping it will catch me up. I'll keep playing in hopes we actually get something resembling a story at some point soon.

And the number of editorial errors is ridiculous. Both developmental and copy.

'Cause bodies can't decompose in the Anderfels? Because nothing external lives there? Granted, I have specialized knowledge there (former forensic anthropologist) but, that isn't remotely how decomp works.

Does your 3 week old raw hamburger not rot because it was in a cold, dark place without any external decomposers? (My 17 year old knew the correct answer to that, so did my 12 year old.)

The primary forms of humanoid/mammalian decomposition come from inside us. Bugs don't even start showing up for a bit. Why do you think bodies bloat? Our gut bacteria going wild. Why do you think bodies are routinely embalmed? No bugs (usually) in a funeral home or morgue either.

And y'know? I actually outright told Epler he needed a better editor or 4 after playing DAI. And DAV already has more editorial issues than I noticed in the whole first half of DAI. Way to prove my point.

I'm an exacting editor. I'm pretty good at it. And I don't expect perfection in anything. Perfectionism is a trauma response, after all. But so many errors so soon? Really?

I'm not even getting into the story issues. Because I'm still hoping we actually, y'know, get to a story? And if I'm really lucky? That story will cover some of the glaring errors.

But so far? I'm not impressed. I've never, since I started playing DA games, been fucking bored.

Next one is here:

[daylillie]

If anyone is tired of hearing me bitch about OCD yet, I don't care because I'm forever wanting to mentally slap the "I'm so OCD" people in the face. Along with anyone who thinks it's fun or trendy to fake a mental illness for views or knowingly spread misinformation. It keeps the real sufferers from seeking help and they truly don't understand what severe OCD looks like.

Example:

I hit my breaking point today. I really don't know how I'll move past this. I have a Body Focused Repetitive Behavior (think hair pulling and skin picking) where I run my tongue on my gums. I guess it softened my gum in that spot. Before anyone thinks "just stop doing it", BFRBs usually don't go away easily.

So, I was eating chips and I thought a chip got lodged into my gum. Not a big deal, but OCD makes it one. Again, "just stop" doesn't work. No matter what I do, I will keep thinking there's a chip in my gum. I flossed the same tooth over and over. I kept going back to brush my teeth. I wasn't terrified yet, mostly extremely annoyed. My gums were irritated by now.

Here's what a lot of people don't understand either. OCD can slowly build. It's not always immediately horrific. It can start off as a normal "a chip stabbed my gum" (most everyone's been stabbed by a chip or had a popcorn kernel in-between their teeth) thought. This was over the course of three days. Sometimes, the person experiencing it won't realize what's happening until they're knee deep (in my case neck deep).

So, two days of this before I had an intrusive thought "If you don't get the chip out it will move further into your gum and you'll get a tooth infection."

I started picking at it. I flossed more aggressively. At this point it's overly obsessive. It's urgent. It's all-consuming. It's the only thing I can think about.

I googled tooth infection and what can happen. Not super distressing until I'm in the rabbit hole of research.

Intrusive thought "What if the chip is already lodged too deep? What if it erodes your tooth?"

There was no stopping it. I cut my gum. I dug inside it with a tool. I stopped the bleeding. It was late. Eventually, I fell asleep from sheer exhaustion and woke up this morning in (shocking) severe pain.

Argued with myself about going to work but I can't take off anymore time for OCD, I've taken too much. Yeah, I know ADA is a thing, but I don't want a lawsuit situation.

We also won't get into how hard it is to make an emergency dentist appointment where I live and not wanting to be at the ER for twelve plus hours. Also, OCD comes with a lot of shame so "I mutilated my mouth because I think a chip is in my gum" is not ER worthy to me. Plus, insurance. No insurance. Money etc.

The pain got worse at work. It spread to my neck. My lymph nodes were swollen. I had a massive headache. I was still doing my BFRB which gets worse with stress. It didn't help that I visited relatives who tested positive for covid. Then I felt like I couldn't breath (cue somatic OCD). I could barely open my mouth or move my tongue without wanting to cry.

I googled tooth abscess from injury.

Intrusive thought "What if you already have an infection? Can it spread to your brain in days? Hours? Is it covid or a tooth infection? You should probably go to the doctor."

Google. Google. Google. Google.

Somehow made it to near the end of my shift. Google again.

Intrusive thought "What if it's really bad? What if you become septic? WHAT IF YOU DIE IN YOUR SLEEP TONIGHT?! GO TO THE DOCTOR."

Made it within ten minutes of closing. Covid negative. Extreme guilt for making the doctors stay late. The damage I did to my gum was bad. I broke down about my OCD. They prescribed me medicine which I hate (iykyk), but I'll take it if it means I get any sort of relief.

Long story short, I was also given antibiotics...to prevent developing a tooth infection...which would have never happened if I didn't obsess over the fear of developing a tooth infection.

Remind me again why anyone wants this? I'm drinking smoothies and soup from a straw until it heals. And when it does heal, I have a fear of anything solid getting into my gum now. I don't want to eat. How is this quirky???

I'm pissed. I'm angry. I want to die (lucky for me I won't because my fear of dying). But you can research the suicide rates. Fuck OCD.

Also, if you do have a certain view, it's not too late to educate yourself about any mental illness, neurodevelopmental disorders, personality disorders. Even if you're already on the band wagon. It's okay to say I was wrong (I've done it before).

[covid-safer-hotties]

Also preserved in our archive

By Sara Ehrhardt

I’m coughing, looking at my plans for the day, cancelling each one.

As an elected official, this is not a good look. We wish to be out and about with people. We certainly don’t want to be coughing all over our constituents in this time of COVID. But elected officials get sick too.

Like most parents in the community I represent, when I start to feel sick I think back to all the places my family and I have been, and also what plans we have coming up.

I wonder what the expiration date is on those COVID tests I grabbed who-knows-when. I also wonder how other orders of government, particularly our provincial government in Ontario, can continue to seemingly ignore the lived experience of so many right now as they walk back systemic efforts to understand and grapple with this virus.

Who knows where to find tests? Who knows what is going around? Who knows what vaccines will be coming, and when?

In September, the Office of the Chief Science Advisor of Canada released a report titled “Dealing with the Fallout: Post-COVID Condition and its continued impact on individuals and society.” As a person lying sick in bed, this report really hits home. Even if the symptoms seem familiar, getting COVID is really not the same as getting the flu.

There are risks to getting COVID multiple times, and it is important to continue to take action to prevent COVID and other respiratory illnesses from spreading.

This report also hits home as an elected public school board trustee. The report has noted that “adequate ventilation and air filtration is often a key gap in buildings where people gather, including schools” and recommends incentivizing investments in improving indoor air quality in buildings.

Despite the advocacy of countless school boards, elected public school trustees and parents across this country — including me — there is currently no funding pathway for schools to make the needed improvements that the Office of the Chief Science Advisor is recommending.

In Ontario, federal-provincial funding that allowed for clean air improvements ended in December 2023. The Toronto District School Board (TDSB) received roughly $80 million in funding, some of which supported some very important ventilation improvements at area schools.

But it is nowhere near enough.

Let’s say it could cost $1 billion to really improve indoor air quality across the almost 600 schools and 238,000 students of the TDSB alone. This sounds like an enormous number, but in the world of public infrastructure, where things are funded across multiple orders of government over multiple years, this could be very achievable if new funding pathways were created and sustained — a 10 year public infrastructure modernization fund say. This could include other very needed updates to the buildings that school children are in for so many hours of their young lives.

“You can’t have a healthy economy without healthy people,” said Ontario’s Finance Minister Peter Bethlenfalvy in 2021. This surely must also include healthy children learning in healthy buildings. We all know children are carrying more than just backpacks between school and home each day.

As provincial and federal governments start thinking about their next year budgets, or perhaps their upcoming election promises, I hope they remember their own words and think seriously about investing in modernizing school buildings to meet the needs of the 21st century, including sustained, targeted funding for new and improved heating, ventilation and air conditioning (HVAC) systems with air cleaning.

School boiler rooms don’t come across as a prime location for ribbon cuttings. But modernizing HVAC in schools is a sensible and very justifiable public investment that I believe every elected official – especially finance ministers - should get behind. The many coughing parents across this province right now will thank us.

[exsequar]

August 18 is my birthday. I feel like I need to say something about this year of my life... and this is the closest I have to a blog. Pull up a chair.

Tonight I stood on the roof of my beautiful modern apartment building, in the most vivacious neighborhood of Seattle, gazing at the panoramic view of the downtown skyline, Space Needle, mountains and water and the rolling hills, all backlit by a softly electric sunset, listening to my gorgeous and sweet neighbor working shirtless on his bike behind me, and reflected on what a fucking year it's been.

Tomorrow I turn 36. One year ago, I thought I would never be happy again.

This 36th year of life, a perfect square as I am fond of pointing out, has been anything but perfect and certainly nothing so predictable as a square. But as I sprint across the finish line, proudly taking the trophy that declares I Survived Thirty-Six, I am deeply grateful for how this year has shaped me and set me on course for the life I want... for the first time ever.

One year ago, I was at the nadir of a monthslong spiral of anxiety and depression. The night of August 18, 2022, I did not sleep one wink, despite attempting many substance interventions, because my soul was so wrought with torment and guilt and fear. And this was a new experience for me; I had had low points before, but absolutely nothing even resembling this black hole that felt impossible to escape. I won't go into why, but suffice to say there was one new toxic ingredient in my life that had slowly devoured my happiness, my confidence, and my hope. I couldn't see a path out.

Then... slowly, then abruptly, things began to change.

In September, I decided to look for a new job, to change at least one variable and cut out some toxicity. With what felt like shocking speed, interview offers started coming in after just four taster applications. After a brief interview process, I was astonished to find myself in a new job much closer to home, joining a team that included one of my favorite past coworkers.

In October, I took a couple weeks off to try to gain my footing before starting my new job, and traveled home to see family. During these two weeks, I suddenly learned that my landlords were renovating my building and I was being kicked out from my apartment of four years (with 6 months to move out). I quickly recovered from my shock, went on one round of apartment visits in the coolest area in town right near my new office, fell in love with the third building I saw, and signed a lease within a week. Importantly, around the same time, a huge element of the toxic drain on my life became suddenly much, much better, which started to free me from that suffocating weight. Additionally, the relentless, deeply kind support of some close friends finally started to lift me out of the darkness. (You know who you are, I love you.)

On Halloween, 2022, I started my new job. I instantly hit it off with the other two women on my team. The third day, I tested positive for COVID - IN the office! No longer a COVID virgin, I slunk home to do my various new hire trainings in quarantine.

In November, I bought an e-bike to use for my new 1.5 mile commute. I immediately loved being back on two wheels and frequently commuted by bike even in the grey Seattle winter.

Two days before Christmas, 2022, I moved into my new apartment. I shed most of my furniture, many belongings, and started from a beautiful almost blank slate. My new place has the aforementioned roof with panoramic views, huge windows, and all kinds of amenities I didn't have before (a dishwasher!!!!!! laundry!!!!! being mid-thirties is losing your shit over in-unit laundry).

I traveled home for the holidays and had a wonderful break.

January 2023, I began preparing for the biggest fucking trip of my whole entire life. To ANTARCTICA. Yes, you heard that right. I began preparing for an EXPEDITION to ANTARCTICA. For FUN. I still can hardly believe it myself. My friend had invited me in Dec 2021 to join a trip to Antarctica in March 2022, but omicron kiboshed that, and I think the universe knew I needed this to happen in 2023. That I would be just emerging from The Great Dark, and what a better place to beckon me forward than the White Continent?

January, February, and March all felt like a frenzy of preparation. I continued to learn and grow more happy and confident at my new job, growing ever closer to mhy awesome little team, but all the while my mind was floating among the icebergs and penguins.

March. Two days before I was supposed to leave for Chile, the first part of my trip, I tested positive for COVID. IN MY OFFICE. AGAIN!!!

After a brief bout of despair, I ended up getting paxlovid, moving my flight back a week (for $1000 extra ;_;), and joining my friend and her mom in Argentina instead.

March 20, 2023, I set sail aboard the m/v Plancius for Antarctica. What followed was the most deeply spectacular, yet also the most deeply healing, two weeks of my life. I don't know how to summarize it. I felt true peace for the first time... certainly in a year, but in what felt like decades. Possibly forever. I was soul-happy. It's the only way I can describe it.

I landed back home on April 5.

On April 6, my company was hit by a massive cyber attack. Yay!!!!?

The next few months were a chaotic scramble of new experiences and creativity. But through it all, my team only grew closer, and the uncharted territory was in some ways an exciting challenge that only enhanced my sense of feeling alive.

The peace I felt in Antarctica came home with me and spread through my life in waves. I began doing things for joy, and getting my body out moving in the world. I had quickly fallen back in love with biking, so I started looking for groups to ride with and began joining free bike rides all over the county as often as I could. I met delightful people on every ride. I bought a second bike that would be zippier and easier to tote around. I bought a new car that would let me carry around this second bike more easily. I joined a summer rec soccer league, biking to a local field to play under the setting summer sun every Friday, and met some of the fabulous queer folks in my new neighborhood. I watched halftime drag shows on artificial turf. I started feeling physically healthier to match my sense of my soul healing. I laughed all the time.

August 18, 2023 starts in less than an hour. Today, the penultimate day of my 36th year, I worked and laughed with my team for the morning. I flirted with a darling guy in my building, who I have been lightly flirting with for months, for over an hour. I went to the farmers market outside our office and bought beautiful berries from the handsome farmer who loves his bees so much. I picked up an order of fantastic cookies, an early self-gift. I took my new car for a fun new type of car wash (the car sits still and the washing robot arms move around us??). I called my dad. My best friend of nearly 2 decades asked if she could call and we talked for over an hour. I went home to my kitties. I played Stardew Valley and listened to my favorite music. I finished a spectacular audiobook (Strong Female Character by Fern Brady, a memoir of growing up an autistic girl with no diagnosis, and getting diagnosed in middle age). I went to the store to pick up ingredients for my favorite birthday cake that my dad always made for me when I was a kid.

I climbed up to the roof, where my handsome neighbor was quietly and shirtlessly fixing his bike, and gazed out over the gorgeous deep red horizon.

I didn't quite cry. My eyes stung softly as I bit my lip and smiled. Yes. This is where I want to be.

And I can't wait to see what 37 - a prime number, harder to come by as we age - has in store.

[blubushie]

JESUS, your dad got his head stuck between two boards? That must've been traumatizing, god, I can't imagine going through something like that! I get you're lenient with your blog but that needed a trigger warning or something! Give your father my deepest condolences... everything else is fine, though, I guess.

[Animal Fact Anon holy shit your dad is so cool, talk about a reputation like hello??? The fucking zebra shark?? 2x malaria?? Broken ribs and a collapsed lung???? Maybe 'cool' isn't the right word but ?!?!!]

Yeah he's a bit of a mad cunt and I'm cut from the same cloth. (Also he's glad you think he's cool—"At least someone does!")

Every bloke in the family is a little... off, really?

You've got:

• Me (I don't need to explain)

• Dad (don't need to explain)

• My younger brother who branded himself with the family cattle brand. I witnessed this when I was 12 because my brother is insane and decided his little brother with a medical special interest should witness and doctor his severe burn. He also lives in Texas. The branding thing has stuck with me enough that when I was a stockman and cattle were being branded I had to stay back because I couldn't watch it without getting queasy. Not cuz I felt bad or anything it's just that the smell of burnt hair and flesh brought back memories.

• My eldest brother who dances to Billie Jean at literally every fucking wedding he's been to for the past 30 years. Also he doesn't like me. His wife REALLY doesn't like me (she thinks I'm dangerous cuz I've taken the kids shooting). He just doesn't like me cuz our dad dumped his mum for mine and had me though, so I'm the kid who had it all (ignoring how the divorce left Dad in poverty so I also grew up in poverty WOOP)

• My maternal uncle who's an ARA antivax hippie vegan and hates me. Also he's gotten COVID more times than I can count so I avoid him like the literal plague. He gives me creepy vibes.

• My paternal uncle who, as a teenager, let his dog loose so it'd attack my aunt's dog just for an excuse to talk to her. Her dog damn near killed his dog. Then they started dating. His dog got a steak for being such a devoted wingman. This uncle also REALLY fucking hates lettuce and none of us know why but he will have an absoute meltdown if it touches food on his plate. No one, not even my aunt, has gotten an answer as to what the fuck's up with the lettuce thing.

• My youngest maternal cousin who was an alcoholic surfie who died of diabetes before he reached 25. He was convinced he'd die before he reached 25 but he literally drank and ate himself into an early grave knowing he couldn't be doing that shit with his diabetes. I have one memory of him showing me how to catch minnows with my bare hands, and I still use that trick for catching bait fish.

• My oldest maternal cousin who's a deadbeat dad and I hate him because he doesn't do right by his son or daughter. He's all they've got since their mum is institutionalised for mental issues. My aunt and uncle raise his kids while he lies on the couch smoking hooch all day (I really do NOT like him).

• My maternal second cousin who's nonverbal autistic, but both his deadbeat stoner dad and hippie antivax grandad refuse to get him tested. This boy suffers in school and my heart breaks for him. I had no idea what this kid looked like from 3-5 because he always wore an Iron Man mask all day every day, and he stopped speaking entirely around 6. He's now completely nonverbal and despite being about 13 years old he has the functionality of 6 year old. Last I saw him, he still tries to conversate with me when he sees me though, and he'll sit down and pet Misty and he knows I like talking so he'll pick from a few topics I write down for him and have me talk about them. He understands speech just fine, he just doesn't talk himself. And also really really really hates seatbelts so I knit him a seatbelt cover and now he uses them (turns out he just didn't like the raw edge of the belt). His little sister has some behavioural issues but she's genuinely a sweetheart and seems to be the only person who always knows what he's thinking, so she acts a mediator for him a lot.

• My paternal cousin everyone is convinced is either gay or autistic or a trans woman or all of the above. Him and I get on fine so I'm also on the bandwagon of That Boy Ain't Right cuz there's something in him I recognise, I just don't know what. Don't reckon he's a woman or gay though, and if there's anybody he'd come out to it's me cuz the family is conservative but he knows damn well I won't judge. I'm pretty sure he's just on the spectrum.

• My paternal nephew who's the only bloke what came out normal. He's going to uni in a few years and GOD do I hope he comes back normal. He's spoilt but he's a good kid.

[vr-trakowski]

What bugs me the most is that they made it so hard to do the right thing

I got sick this week.

High fever, fatigue, chills, shortness of breath, loss of appetite. Some kind of virus. A lot, in fact, like the time I got COVID a couple of years ago.^

My OTC test popped negative. But - it took two days to go positive the last time. And I know the OTC tests aren’t always accurate with the newer strains anyway.

So I thought I’d better get a PCR test. Where to start? Why, with my state’s testing centers, of course. My wealthy, blue state.

Found the page. Link to the search is dead. The phone number’s disconnected.

Okayyyyy…on the county.

County site says “call this number”. Which is the CDC.

CDC at least gives me a live person. Why aren’t you asking your primary care physician? she says. Well, for starters, because I don’t want to walk into a room full of people most likely not wearing masks and potentially give them what I’ve got, even though they’re idiots for not wearing masks in public and particularly at a doctor’s office?

All right then, here’s a site where you can search for places offering the test.

They’re all pharmacies and the like. Apparently there are no testing sites left, at least in my area. Oh well, one of them is my pharmacy. Nice and convenient, even if it presents the same risk to others as the doctor’s office. Not like I have a choice at this point.

I go online and make the appointment. I’m very clear that I want the PCR test, not the OTC one. At least I can get an appointment later the same day.

Arrive for appointment. Breathless walking in from the very small parking lot, even with cane. Took ibuprofen to break my (almost 104) fever because an hour and a half of shivering with chills is ridiculously tedious, so I’m now soggy with sweat. Check in; have to wait about ten minutes but at least there’s an unoccupied corner.

Medical professional takes me into the appointment room and opens up the test…which is the OTC version.

No, I say, I wanted the PCR version.

Oh, you have to make an appointment for that.

I did make an appointment. I said so when I checked in. I specifically wanted the PCR version.

We go around this circle a few times and get no forreder. Finally I tell her I’ll take this test, in part because it apparently checks for a couple of varieties of ‘flu as well and I’ve already paid for it, but I want the PCR test.

Test done, she sends me out to wait for a bit, then calls me up to the counter. Spends about seven minutes on the computer (not her fault that I can barely stand at this point - standing is always harder than walking) and finally confesses that she can’t make me an appointment, there’s something wrong. Here’s a corporate number I can call, they should be able to help.

(This test comes up negative too, on all counts.)

Next day: I call the number. It’s one of those artificial person phone systems that’s designed to make it nearly impossible to reach an actual human, but eventually I do. I explain the whole mess, she’s sympathetic but I’ve ended up in the wrong area, she’ll transfer me to the correct one.

Which turns out, of course, to be where I’d originally gone in. This time I get to a point that tells me the only way to make a testing appointment…is online, or in person at the pharmacy. Not over the phone.

Somehow I resist throwing my poor phone at the wall.

The sites have failed me, the pharmacy has failed me. I call my primary care doctor. Sorry, they don’t do COVID tests.

The only other thing I can think of is urgent care. I call the one near me. Yes, they do PCR tests. I can even get a same-day appointment. Of course, my insurance hates this brand of urgent care, so I’ll have a copay and then a stiff bill later, but what choice do I have?

I manage to clean myself up a bit, and go. Traffic’s appalling (about two miles out of my way due to mismarked detours), my blood sugar’s in my socks, and the online check-in (on my phone, whose stupid idea was that, typing on the phone is slow and miserable) is absurdly repetitive. Certain information has to be entered at least three times and the choice of “have you been exposed to COVID-19” is limited to “Yes” or “No”, no option for “I have no fucking idea because people are stupid”.

At least they don’t make me switch out of my Flo Mask, which I appreciate deeply.

Finally, finally, a PCR test. They tuck me in another room to wait for the results, and while the TV in there (why does it need a TV?) is playing “Zillow Gone Wild” (gag)* it is at least doing so at minimal volume (I do look for a remote but I can’t spot one).** I can ignore it in favor of my phone, or drowsing.

PCR test…is negative.

I don’t need Paxlovid, I don’t need to worry about taking more brain damage from that wretched virus. I don’t need to isolate at home for a week, trying to WFH with a truly terrible Internet connection (it took two minutes for an email to send this morning).

I don’t need to worry about infecting my elderly, frail parents, or my immunocompromised friend, or my idiotic (affectionate) colleagues who don’t wear masks. I mean, sure, I won’t go near the first three until I’m recovered, but. But.

However.

It shouldn’t be this hard.

It took me two days to get this test. While dealing with the illness itself. A little bit sicker, a slightly higher fever, and I wouldn’t have had the stamina to keep trying.

I know. The cruelty is the point.

But still.

^Fever dreams are wild. I particularly liked the one with the bunnies.

*The commercials were interesting, though. Decent mix of ethnicities, and I kept seeing things like laundry detergent or ovens being advertised using men as well as women. I stopped watching commercial TV years ago so maybe that’s standard now, but it wasn’t what I was expecting.

**I really, really hate the modern trend of TVs that can only be used with a remote. At least put on/off and volume buttons on the device itself! And while we’re at it, any computer monitor that requires more than a blind button push to shut off is unnecessary. One of mine at work requires three separate moves to power down.

[artcallednaturalviews]

World Live janega Show The world in a bill dick Or rather verdict Pull the blocks out Who falls Under Violent wicked weather Unity Under rods and staffs Erasure World live Jane go show Mother Nature The turned wild Who prevails Under Violent wicked weather Unity Under rods and staffs Erasure She pours her passions Upon all of US and the rest of the World Obviously not watching Due pray & wish Maybe notice will be next year With continued to lower more standards The better will be for! Besides, you’re insured! Maybe part of Pro25 Is to keep you lower! (Should been read as a commodity) Reserves are always low World live Jane go show Mother Nature The turned wild Who prevails Under Violent wicked weather Unity Under rods and staffs Erasure El low The low By an x human Similar to the animals Near extinct in species If We (US) only defined ourselves prior Where did Covid coulture that petri go! Last alone drug test Now that other country has cloned you And we (cause I’m talking to sames) never get anywhere You’re And have been cloned No not you they threw that sample but The REST of Us sits in results You saw you We bleed near on another Under the concrete The palo deities Are you, Apache or Navajo ? Not even from this Continent! May have sum blood sequestered for Get ready Physical no nah physicol Realm My life depended on medical assurance Pay hold still don’t sick Paid for nothing Being healthy Diablo unhealthy and steaming with out a name before brought by Jesus lived in a den Never World Wide until White Man I wore multiple blue targets Now I’m Tiger Roaring for a sleep……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………. How many the times………………………………………………. ………………added after Shut down Covid The dots not part of my family Just lost in Country Never believing in a World That other Dude, didn’t either The life 2024 years ago was flat We all global NOW Intellect Or Educated They all Leaders Fight against Scalp a Well it was near a closed (He was only twenty) Paid for however! It was Toucan fruit loops or fruity people’s Not the emplace of love Add chocolates Like chalk tasting corporations Empowering indivisible’s with Justice and Awe Under weather Who made out better! A world Wide Jane go show! Pad or plug Can’t somthing else In bleeding! You could haves it Just have it And irredisregard a planted Human In the other State Not have it They never add income brackets to deceased of our days! We could see who is killing who! I heard of how many Violent attacks (A not a one shot an ear) It trivial in violence politics Not for you or me Under 2nd That’s for them We never see! Unless covert and calculations Like don’t be violent or fallow the leaders! Not Honda commercial Or may be I am Don’t pull my buds on apocalypse Sinnister under neath wanting in Not counted as Refugee (If you can make it across a field) Prior to NFL sports Prior to the late unknowingly U S of A That rugby, that a bushel basket suspended That’s like swatting slave over in a plantation We have solo Soon to be Breakin’ Dancing in Olympic That USA made their own The owners did They did a round up World live Jane go show Mother Nature The turned wild Who prevails Under Violent wicked weather Unity Under rods and staffs Erasure Is it to long now making you cough that was added in fees Better there than there And screwing me all up After Thelma and Lois I knew everything Add Requiem, a Blender

You can’t govern ur own bodies

Allow government to make you

Your medical insurance is always a top priority

Why couldn’t you

Be healthy

[unbossed]

Sorry about the self-reblog barrage earlier. I’m kinda brain-fogged and got stuck in a pattern. I finally tested positive for covid and it hit pretty hard earlier. It’s kinda coming and going and I’m in a mostly lucid state right now.

My de facto mother-in-law is the type who’d hide a zombie bite and she’s so determined for us to move back down near her that she showed up at our next place on Wednesday to help us unload some things we took down that day. She was acting strangely and claimed that she had to get home quickly because she’d supposedly eaten some bad walnuts and her stomach was bothering her. On phone calls between then and yesterday she mentioned that she “hadn’t been feeling well.”

@v8pontiacgirl had pretty bad symptoms start early yesterday so she tested herself and confirmed with a second and both were positive. Her mom was the only person we’ve been in close-ish contact with in almost 2 weeks so she was the only likely vector. She’s both the “nothing bad happens to people who are right with the Lord” and “everything works out for the best eventually” type so she was in severe denial that it was covid. My partner finally convinced her to test herself and she kept claiming that she was fine but that “something went wrong” with multiple tests. It turns out, as she finally admitted this evening, that the something wrong was that she kept getting positive results.

After several hours of multiple phone conversations today she also finally admitted that she had been sick enough on Wednesday that she’d had to force herself to come meet up with us, for all of 15 or 20 minutes. She has bad knees that make it difficult for her to carry anything of significance so her presence to help unload was absolutely pointless. “I just wanted to see you so badly,” she told my partner, despite the fact that we were scheduled, with a truck reserved even, to move fucking yesterday. This is the same woman who wouldn’t take her own daughter to the doctor for things like ear infections as a child because it was so expensive, so none of this but the audacity is particularly surprising.

We had planned for her and her husband to come up yesterday to help, with him driving the U-Haul to the new place, me driving our farm truck, my partner driving her dad’s truck (both of us hauling our ducks and chickens), and her mom following in my partner’s car. As late as yesterday morning she was still planning to do that but mentioned that she would need to take breaks on the drive back because she’s “been pretty tired lately.”

When my partner tested positive on Saturday morning this woman kept trying to convince her that the tests were wrong and that we should stick to the plan. She even expressed disappointment that we’d cancelled the truck. The real shit of it is that she fucking knows that her daughter has multiple chronic health conditions and is at increased risk and that she finally admitted to being virtually bed-ridden even before Wednesday. She “just couldn’t wait until [v8pontiacgirl is] close enough for me to show up unannounced at any time of day to visit again.”

She’s never been the type to take others’ medical and health concerns seriously and that could very possibly kill someone. But, you know, if she does it will just be “according to God’s plan.” FFS these people are a threat.

[of-canes-and-manes]

005: Coming Back From Covid

It took nearly three years of the pandemic and two near misses, but I finally caught covid in mid October. I still haven’t figured out how exactly it happened, as I only leave the house for doctor appointments and rehearsals with a local community band. But happened it did, and I’ve been out for the last month while trying to recover.

To be completely honest, I didn’t even notice I had covid at first. I had helped my mom move hay bales from the trailer into the hay loft on a Saturday morning, and paid no mind to the soreness in my body for the two days after that, nor to the difficulty I was having getting around. After all, that had been the first time I had helped with hay in some five odd years, as well as the most physical activity I had attempted since becoming physically disabled. It was entirely within the realm of normal symptoms for me to be physically exhausted, and I even considered helping with hay a success because I wasn’t anywhere near the amount of fatigue I used to experience from significantly less intense activities.

But the following Tuesday, I woke up at three in the morning drenched in sweat. I had spent the whole night tossing and turning, which isn’t unusual on its own, but never before had I woken up to soaked pajamas and bedsheets. As I stripped my bed and changed my sheets, it finally occurred to me that my symptoms were not just my usual post-exertional malaise from helping with hay; as it turns out, night sweats are a symptom of covid, and I tested positive that evening.

And so, that was the first day of what became three weeks of quarantining.

Truthfully, I enjoyed my quarantine, especially that first week before I began feeling symptoms above and beyond my usual chronic fatigue. Despite my best efforts, I had been rapidly approaching burnout territory via trying to do too much, even after I had already pared down my life to better suit my disabilities in August. I was just still stuffing too many activities into every day, vying for a sense of satisfaction I hadn’t felt in weeks, and rather than feeling fulfilled, all I got was misery.

So when I ended up hyperfixating on a new fandom right at the beginning of my quarantine, I finally allowed myself to stop and rest. I spent every waking moment of those first nine days reading fanfiction, and I made it through a million words by the time I started feeling sick. Even once I began feeling symptoms, I continued reading, and I ended up having not only the time of my life, but the break I so desperately needed.

The feeling sick came about a week after I tested positive, and once it did, it really hit me. I woke up sore all over, well above and beyond my usual morning aches and pains, and though I had been congested for a week by that point, finally my nose began to run. As I started going through a box of tissues every other day, my breathing got worse, until I felt like I had been swimming underwater. I stopped being able to brush the horses, and then I wasn’t able to keep up with basic self care, never mind all the housework I try to do.

A week and a half after I first tested positive, I had to go to the ER. It was a Thursday, I was still testing positive, and I felt worse and worse with each passing day. I had tried to get a hold of my primary care doctor, but never heard back. Luckily, the ER sent me home a few hours later with a steroid to help my lungs, but I still received instructions to return if I continued to worsen.

The steroid worked. After a week of that, I finally started feeling better, though the congestion stayed the same despite my best efforts. I was able to schedule a telehealth appointment with my primary care doctor a week after my ER visit, and was sent an antibiotic in the event that I had managed to contract a sinus infection. With the antibiotic in my system, the congestion began to improve, then returned to normal. I was finally, blessedly feeling almost entirely normal again.

It’s now been over a month since I first tested positive; I’m once again negative and no longer actively sick. My breathing is normal and all things considered, I’m back to my pre-covid health. But I’m feeling a fatigue that isn’t anything like the usual chronic fatigue I’ve experienced since 2016, and this fatigue has slowed me down something fierce. I still haven’t been able to get back to brushing the horses regularly, I haven’t ridden in weeks, and I have yet to figure out how I’ll prepare my garden for winter.

I’m hoping that with enough time and rest, I’ll regain the stamina I had pre-covid. In the meantime, I’ve been exploring hobbies and interests that I hadn’t before had the opportunity to, and discovering more of myself along the way. I thought that if my capacity for activity was reduced any more than it had been before covid, I’d lose everything I ever held dear. It is with great pleasure that I can say that that didn’t happen, and I’ve even found that I have no desire to return to the hectic life I had prior to catching covid.

That said, I’m very much so looking forward to the day I can get back on Tim and resume riding! It will come, hopefully sooner rather than later, but whenever it does, I will be ready for it.

May your day be filled with peace and joy