#rusty is a guardian angel

[thebunnylord]

Alright so I just watched this youtube video where they pointed out how Rusty has a strong connection to the supernatural, such as in Duncan gets spooked, and the episode with the boulder. And in calling all engines, he was seen in a dream sequence with lady.

Based on this, I headcanon that Rusty is actually a train version of a guardian angel. In my headcanon, each railroad has a guardian angel sent to watch over the engines. With the Sodor narrow gauge, they have rusty but no one knows that he is a guardian angel chosen by Lady. He was the only engine who knew that boulder was going to fall from the cliff and wanted to make sure that the engines he was sent to watch over were safe. The story about the ghost engine that fell was actually a cautionary tale that backfired. But the ghost engine did exist but died under Rusty’s protection. 

I noticed while studying religions, (I love studying religions, I find it so fascinating to learn what others believe in and the stories and traditions that come with it, and how they help shape history. I want to learn everything that I can about it.) there’s usually a guardian archetype, so it would make sense if we’re using my headcanons that Diesel 10 and Lady represent the deities of life and death, there would be a guardian angel type character. 

Also with the presence of Christianity on the island with the clergy men making an appearance, it would make sense if the engines’ beliefs lean more into Christianity. 

[vileviale]

Hc that aziraphale has Jedi-level skills with his flaming sword and is surprisingly very showy with his technique

[hanakoofthejungle]

Human HuskerDust WIP based on the fan comic, Guardian Angel by alyah_anomalyah (Twitter/X)

In the comic, Husk went by the name Henrik.

It's been awhile since I drew human and I got rusty. I still nailed the clothes though 😉

[citruswriter]

Answered Prayers

Astarion x Reader 💛

Warnings: Spawn Astarion, Reader is an angel, Reader is wearing a dress (put on the damn dress Joe, idc if ur a man), oral (f receiving), afab reader but mostly gn.

Listen in with me! ♫♪.ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı.♫♪

White feathered wings stretched out, unfurling and reaching for the heavens. "I could be your guardian angel," you reasoned, voice still low as you hovered your lips over his, leaving the next move in his hands in whatever game of chess you seemed to be playing. Ruby red eyes marveled at the sight of your well kept secret. "I wouldn't offer it if I didn't mean it, I wouldn't show you if I didn't trust you". Astarion stared at you in adoration, lips meeting yours in a gentle passion. "Pray to me, my love," you spoke softly as you folded your wings lightly around the two of you. "I will always answer". Astarion kissed you, hands moving to peel the loose dress you had been wearing off your angelic body. "I guess I could give prayer another shot then, little love". He murmured, pushing you to lay down. "I believe you're supposed to bow your head, correct?" He asked, but before you could answer he ducked his head down between your legs, causing you to gasp in delight. Elvish curses you had picked up from the white haired man himself left your mouth as he ate you out, legs slung over his shoulders as he ate his meal. He whispered praises to you, pausing at times to kiss your inner thighs. Such a divine being you are, and you were all his.

Standing in the ruins of the shrine you stood in the moonlight. Breathing deeply, eyes closed, blissed out on the cold night air. This had been a special side quest. As the others camped out somewhere else, you had only taken Astarion with you to complete this personal quest of yours. "I never understood the need for gods..., " Astarion muttered. You opened your eyes slowly and turned to look over your shoulder to him, "Have you never felt drawn to the divine?" You asked, blinking in slight surprise. Astarion scoffed and walked closer to you, studying the broken marble stone, the only thing that had been left intact seemed to be what appeared as an offering table. Dried flowers and old rusty coins littered across it. "I've prayed to all of them. None of them ever answered me". He said bitterly. You drug yourself up to sit on the offering table, Astarion moving to let you only to take place between your legs, hand reaching up to brush a loc of your hair back.

"Maybe you shouldn't pray to gods then," you whispered shakily, kissing his neck softly. Something about being in the old temple, old divine energy mixed with the cool night air, seemed to intoxicate you in a sense. Astarion laughed softly and cradled your face, "Then who, or rather what, should I pray to? Hm, little love?" he questioned, sensing your almost high state of mind. "Me," was all you said before a large flash if light came from behind you.

You laid there as his tongue swirled around your pearl, causing you to jerk your hips, "Astarion! Astarion please!" You gasped out. He stopped and looked up at you, thumb taking his tongues place as he rubbed it. "Yes my treasure?" He answered. "Please, my love, please I need you. Need you in me. Stuffing me full," your tone was so loving yet so needy. How could he ever tell you, his guardian angel, no? He didn't take long to join you, skin touching skin. Soft flesh meeting cold skin as he touched you. He wasted no time burying his length into your velvet walls, wasted no time setting a solid pace in you. He relished in the noises that fell from your mouth, soft moans and cries of pleasure. Only noises he could draw from you. "Angel of my heart," he began speaking as he set a brisk pace in you, "please watch over me and guide me." Wings trembled as he continued to pray. "Protect me from my troubles and grant me victory. So be it." Reaching for your wings, he dug his fingers into the base, causing you to arch and mewl from pleasure. You gripped onto his arms in a poor attempt to ground you in reality.

"I swear," you panted, "I will guide and protect you. I will guide you, my hand in yours". Nails dug into your wings, ripping a cry of pleasure from you as you let them unfurl and drape onto the ground. "Anything for you, beloved. You deserve everything," you whispered to your lover as he held onto you, gripping onto you with utter devotion. Tangled limbs desperately holding onto each other in divine bliss, lips uttering praise like a last prayer, efforts to bring pleasure to the other as if it were an offering. Astarion's movements stuttered as he reached his end. "A-Are you close, darling? Want you to cum with me," he panted out, moaning in your ear. You nodded and let out a high pitched "Mhm", legs wrapping around his waist. He looked down at you and burned the image in his mind. You, all fucked out with sweat making your plush flesh glisten in the moonlight. White wings elegantly draped down, eyes half closed in lustful bliss, gaze filled with utter adoration. You were a sight to behold. A beautiful, messy sight to behold. Maybe the gods did hear his pleas for help. Maybe you were the answer to all of his pleading. Maybe you just needed to find him first. Astarion crashed his lips against yours as the two of you unraveled in your ecstasy.

The two of you panted, momentarily staying still in an attempt to catch your breath. Climbing off of you, he helped you stand up, wings stretching out to shake off any dust before you folded them once again. "Let's get back to camp and I'll clean you up and make you a warm drink, sound good?" He offered and you hummed, nuzzling into him. "Only if I get to clean you up back and rub your scalp". You counter offered, making the man in front of you grin as he helped you dress. "Of course, little love".

▂▃▄▅▆▇█▓▒░ BONUS ░▒▓█▇▆▅▄▃▂

"I love you so much Astarion," you hummed as you curled up into him, nuzzling his neck. "And I am loving these wings," he said back as he pet the soft fibers of the wing you had wrapped around the two of you. "Say it back or I'm taking them away," you demanded with a sleepy pout. "Oh hush up. I love you too, darling". He said back, planting a kiss on your forehead. As you slipped off into slumber, Astarion watched over you for a few more hours, marveling at the creature he had the honor of calling his lover. Drawing you closer to him, he fell asleep peacefully. Maybe the gods didn't answer him, maybe they did. But it didn't matter. Because you always would. And that's all that mattered.

I'm very iffy on this one. Idk if I like it very much but I had already written this two other times and if I rewrite it a third time, I might just burn myself out. So enjoy, my dears. 😭

[hunterwritesstuff]

Husk x fem reader??

Sure! Sorry if it seems a bit rusty, still working out how I write him lol

♣️ He's typically more closed off, so you two start off as just bar-friends.

♣️ He jokes, you joke back, it's a good time!

♣️ But overtime, you notice he gives you a couple drinks for free, and he smiles a bit more!

♣️ You also notice when fake patrons for the hotel come in, he changes out your drink.

♣️ Once you ask him about it, he shrugs, saying "never know, you could always have a guardian angel watchin' over ya. That guardian angel may just be your bartender."

♣️ Husk, at one point, asks if you wanna go with him somewhere!

♣️ He takes you to where his casino used to be!

♣️ He tells you about how he used to be as an Overlord and just all-around reminisces.

♣️ Then he shakes his head, grabbing a deck of cards from a table, shuffling it, then he holds up a card and asks you a question.

♣️ "Is this your card?" It's a two of hearts.

♣️ THAT SMOOTH MOTHERFU-

Hope ya enjoy! :D

[lemonlyman-dotcom]

Hola familia, we are entering the Reyes Primos chapter 🥰 Thank you for the tags @whatsintheboxmh @ironheartwriter @corsage & @heartstringsduet 💕

Anita was the first person Carlos came out to, his sisters having been out of the house by the time he was ready to come to terms with his sexuality, to say it out loud. She’d had the decency to pretend to be surprised by his admission at the time, although even then he’d suspected she’d already guessed.

She teases him about it now, about the skinny boy who’d sat next to her on the porch swing out at the Reyes family ranch and nervously told her, voice quivering, that he thought he might like boys. She’d grabbed his shaking hand and said, “Cool.” Then asked if there were any hot guys at his school.

Anita had been away at college in Los Angeles when Carlos married Iris. She was furious when she found out what he’d done. After she heard from Chuey, who heard from Andrea after the fact, Anita called Carlos and asked him if he’d fallen and hit his head. “You’re gay, Carlitos. Did you forget?” But Carlos was stubborn and the wedding had already happened, so she reluctantly supported him from 1300 miles away.

So it’s fitting that Anita, who’s been with Carlos through it all, seen him struggle so much to be open about his sexuality with his parents, who’d loved him enough to call him an idiot for marrying a woman he didn’t love, couldn’t love. It’s fitting that she took one look at TK and instantly fell in love.

“He’s perfect for you, Carlitos,” she’d said with big brown shiny eyes as they sat side by side on that rusty old porch swing after that first Sunday lunch and watched TK dutifully follow Gabriel around the edge of the yard, pointing out the pecan trees Carlos had helped him plant when he was a boy. They were trailed by the flock of three Australian shepherds that belong to his Tío Luis, all of whom had been instantly enamored with TK.

“He must really love you if he’s willing to sit through Tío Gabriel’s garden tour,” Anita joked.

“He likes nature,” Carlos shrugged.

“Mmhmm,” she said, hiding a smirk behind the neck of her beer bottle.

Tagging @carlos-in-glasses @nisbanisba @chicgeekgirl89 @captain-gillian @literateowl @emsprovisions @bonheur-cafe @alrightbuckaroo @orchidscript @honeybee-taskforce @thisbuildinghasfeelings @welcometololaland @eclectic-sassycoweyes @tellmegoodbye @ladytessa74 @cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut @basilsunrise @lightningboltreader @liminalmemories21 @freneticfloetry @sapphic--kiwi @herefortarlos @firstprince-history-huh @fitzherbertssmolder @fifthrideroftheapocalypse @strandnreyes @paperstorm @filet-o-feelings @fallout-mars @your-catfish-friend @kiwichaeng @tinyluminaryzombie @guardian-angle22 @rmd-writes @iboatedhere @reyesstrand @never-blooms @decafdino @certifiedflower and OPEN TAG 🏷️

[totem-but-shark]

On the fourth day of Rust kingdoms I tuned into hJune's stream for the last hour or so and as he was ending he climbed up to the highest point in Rusty Bones and simply sat, looking over the kingdom listening to music. And whilst there's something to be said about it being the perfect representation of his character with r!june almost being some kind of guardian angel for Rusty Bones watching over and guiding them, in that moment I was hit with the strongest sense of nostalgia. Which is crazy considering at that point the server wasn't even ending, still had multiple days left and the server had only existed for a few days prior and yet I found myself moved.

Maybe it was a shared understanding with june, he wasn't saying much but I got the sense he might've been feeling something similar. Just sitting back and appreciating the moment, reflecting on the days past, and this special little server. I think there's something beautiful to the love we hold for media, or more precisely the stories told within it and the feeling of experiencing and loving something. Following a narrative with all of its twists and turns finding yourself wholly invested and endeared by its world and characters, to me this is made especially potent in real time improvised RP as you watch this whole world develop one step at a time before your very eyes. Getting to know characters as they get to know themselves, going on their journey right beside them. Following along within community, on twitter, in chats, just listening to the players discuss how much of a good time they're having, shared love and passion for something. It might just be me but that kinda thing always makes me emotional.

The medium of improvised live RP really is unique in this sense, it's hardly been a week but my heart has been stolen by the Rusty Bones cast regardless. Becoming so invested so quickly. Every character interaction building upon the last, every random throwaway line of backstory and lore slowly painting a clearer and clearer picture. Theorising and chatting with peers online and hopping between streams to see every pov. It's been beyond fun and I have to give my thanks to every single Rusty bones player for the atmosphere and community they created, they're the heart of these streams and each one played their part to perfection whether that be through in character roleplay, putting hours of time and care into contributing to the kingdom allowing everyone to play the game and enjoy it as they have or just being a good sport and bringing good vibes for a good time! Extra special thanks to Tina, Foolish, Trausi, hJune, Enevun and Dakkin who really made my pov of this event what it was.

June looking over the castle i've come to be so familiar with and hold so dear in such a short period of time it almost feels like home, for this week Rusty Bones has been my home. Somewhere comforting I could come back to reliably at the end of every day and be greeted by the kingdoms familiar faces. And though we're saying goodbye soon, even if it's a little silly I can't help but feel thankful this little week was part of my life and the joy it brought whilst it lasted.

The song June was listening to:

[stabbyfoxandrew]

I still need to finish catching up on Arson Neil this week, so FOR NOW, I still request either AngelNeil or VampDrew, whichever you get less of! (or, your choice, whichever suits you.) -- @quiescentdestiny

WIP Wednesday (2/14) | Guardian Angel Neil AU (Part 118)

“Enough.” Andrew answers without a number and that seems to upset Neil. The angel gives Andrew a once over, obviously trying to assess how many he could possibly have hidden on his person. He finally looks back up at Andrew’s face. 

“Three,” Neil guesses correctly. 

Andrew blinks. “How did you know that?”

“It doesn’t matter.” Neil shakes his head. “What matters is how I never realized you're armed. And you’ve been armed since we met. I must be getting rusty already."

“Most people don’t know I have knives until they’re on the wrong end of one. That’s how I prefer it.”

Neil doesn’t like that answer either apparently, from the way he tugs at his hair and blows out a breath. “Did Renee at least teach you how to use them before she dropped them into your hands?”

“She’s shown me a few tricks.”

Neil’s nostrils flare. “They’re not tricks.”

“Funny, that’s exactly what Renee said.”

“Well, she’s right.” Neil says, some sort of emotion on his face. “And no matter what she’s taught you, no matter how much practice you may have, a knife can always be taken away from you. And when it’s taken away from you, it will be used against you. Remember that, okay? Knives are just as much a weakness as they are a weapon.”

[gtsdreamer2]

"No. He's better than that. He never makes bad decisions. He always chooses the light. You should know that by now, squirt." Your angel quickly snatched up the beelzebug-sized demon and cupped her in a cage with their hands before shaking her around like a rock in a rattle.

When you were young, you'd always had the pair of them with you. When you were little, so were they. They would sit on your shoulder and try to guide you through your choices. As your parents taught you right from wrong, you always began to listen to the angel, Percy rather than the devil, Delphine. Over time, as you grew up, the Percy seemed to grow with you while the Delphine stayed small and wasted away. Where the angel became robust and strong, the devil seemed to wither. She lost her lustrous red sheen which was replaced by a rusty brown, which was fitting for her small stature that was akin to a cockroach. Her two horns protruding from her head resembled antennae, and her once majestic wings had shriveled to tiny little nubs on her back. Now at twenty-eight, you stood full grown at six foot one. Percy stood a little taller at about six foot four. Meanwhile, the diminutive devil was a meager couple inches tall. As you matured, you could no longer see them and chalked them up to being imaginary friends, and their suggestions filtered through yoir subconscious. As they bickered back and forth with one literally in the other's clutches, your friend tried again to convince you to go out drinking after your long workday to the casino.

"Come on man, you never go out with us. Just a couple drinks. To blow off steam." He was nudging you now and practicality begging. While your guardian angel was busy picking on the she-devil, you decided for yourself that a couple drinks couldn't hurt. Hell, you earned it.

"Ya, why not. Let's do it!" As you were psyching yourself up for a well-deserved night out, the two shoulder guardians behind you fell silent.

"Wait what? You don't need to-" the angel started before he felt an outward pressure against his closed hands. From them erupted the she-demon, puzzling the angel as she doubled in size. "What in the lord's name are you doing?" He gestured to you, but you had already dismissed them in your mind as you began to get ready for your evening out.

"Fuck ya!" The devil shouted from the palm of the angel's hand. She was still only a little bigger than a bug, but she was just happy to be bigger. "That's a win for the little guys! Hell, we haven't had a win since...what, he was like...eight? Lemme see." From thin air, she summoned an iPad that was perfectly tailored to her size. On it was the e-book version of 'The Book of You', which was a cataloging of your whole life and all of your choices up until this point. "Man, there's a lot of do-gooding in here." She lamented.

"Well," interjected the angel, "I would like to say that I've been doing a pretty good job of guiding him on his path ever since he's been able to think for himself."

"Put a lid on it, Halo-top, I have a feeling that the scales are about to tip in my favor. I didn't even have to try to guide him on this one, it was like I had that guy wingmaning for me. What's his name? Benny. Ok, I like Benny. Let's see where this night goes."

As the night wore on, your choices seemed to continue from bad to worse. The couple of drinks turned to five or six before you knew it. The guilt of drinking was weighing on you, but your friends, mainly Benny, were peer pressuring you into continuing. With each additional beer, your shoulder demon was increasing in size.

"That's right, down the hatch. Good boy." Delphine was now two and a half feet in height. This was by no means big, but she was beyond elated that she had stolen this size back from Percy, and at some point was forced to climb down from your shoulder. She stood by your angel, who was now hovering around the four foot mark, a stature that he had not had the misfortune of standing at for several years at least.

"It feels so good to be getting bigger! I can't believe you've hoarded this feeling all to yourself for so long! You need to learn to share. Gluttony is a sin, you know?" Color had started to return to Delphine at this point. Her wings had begun to grow back in, and her body was filling out and plumping up in all the right places as she was being fed by a continuous stream of Percy's life force. She was overjoyed to play with her new assets in front of the angel, who tried to look away in disgust. "Wait hang on, he just blew through the last of his cash with that bet. Let's see what he does."

As your pockets were emptied and your head was swimming with alcohol. You were finally thinking about calling it quits until Benny threw his arm around you. "Come on man, you can't end the night on a loss, go pull some more money out and let's keep going!" That idea was sounding pretty good to you. You had plenty in your savings for your dream home. It couldn't hurt to delay that dream a little bit when everyone was having such a good time.

"Now hold on-!" Your angel started before your demon clamped her clawed hand over his mouth.

"Let him cook!" She whispered in his ear. "Come on, do it." Delphine called out to you from across the floor. You shambled over to the ATM and withdrew another four hundred bucks. The demon cooed as she grew another foot. She was now even with the angel. "Atta boy! Looks like he's wiped out all the good you've instilled into him in a single night. How's that feel?" She unclaimed his mouth so he could speak, but he was speechless. "In fact, he might still be on the decline, look!" As you were making your way back to the table, you slipped two twenties into the waitress's cleavage and asked for two more drinks, kissing her on the cheek and slapping her on the ass to send her on her way. "Oh fuck. That was really bad. I didn't teach him that." Delphine was rubbing her thighs together. She was absolutely squirming with excitement as demonic energy swirled around her and then pushed itself into her. Her knees buckled as she fell to the floor, writhing in pleasure as she pulsed larger and larger, siphoning strength from Percy." Her lips and tits plumped as her hips widened and her wings stretched and strengthened. All the while, Percy could feel himself withering. His white clothes faded from pearly to grey as his halo dimmed then darkened, falling around his neck and tightening like a collar. His wings shrank and feathers began to shed from them. He could feel his muscles atrophy as he crumpled to the floor, a mere shadow of his former glory.

You continued to drink and gamble until your monitary withdrawal was lost to alcohol and bad bets. With each bet and each gulp Percy shrank smaller and smaller until he stood at a pitiful six inches in height. By this time, Delphine had assumed full control of the situation. She picked up her tiny nemesis and conjured a birdcage of bone to house him. Their positions had now completely reversed. The devil that has been a small and pathetic being for so many years was now a six foot four bombshell of a beast. Her skin, no longer a rusty brown was now glowing red hot like her lust. Her horns were long and sharp, as were her nails and her tail which swished playfully back and forth as she watched you blackout before Benny had you both loaded into an Uber for the drive home.

As Benny finally got you into bed, the she-devil corporealized in your room with the angel in tow, trapped in his cage. It was only now that Benny's shoulder guardians became visible to yours. A hulking slab of hell flesh and another underwhelming angel accompanied Benny as he left, his devil winking at yours as he made his exit to make it known that he had thrown her a bone to help with her glow-up. The angels made sad eyes at each other before looking away in shame, knowing that they had lost whatever fight was left in them.

The three of you were alone now. Delphine crept up on your sleeping form and caressed your cheek. "I really wish I could thank you for leaning so far into your dark side today. I wish that you could see me like when you were little. As if reacting to her voice, you opened your eyes and immediately locked onto hers. You could see her. And she knew it.

"Hi pretty red lady." You muttered sloppily, obviously completely sloshed still. Your hazy mind began to fill with thoughts about what you wished to do to her. And what you wished she would do to you. Being both the target and the beneficiary of those thoughts, her body began to react by growing another few inches. Percy watched in horror as he realized Delphine had stolen the size, not from him, but from their human. You closed your eyes again as Delphine's iPad poofed in front of her and began to ring.

"Sup HQ?" She spoke into the pad.

"We're getting some weird readings off of you and your human. You all good up there? It looks like you've gained enough strength to physically materialize in the mortal plane."

"Huh, that's weird. Must be some kind of glitch. Nope. We're all good up here. Got my guy making some bad decisions, but nothing out of the ordinary, bye!" She hung up before they could get a word in. Delphine turned her attention back to you, gently nudging you to wake you up again.

You reluctantly opened your eyes again. She was still standing over you. Looming. She was large. She was exuding sexual energy. Immediately you were turned on. Delphine responded with a warm smile.

"I've missed how you looked at me. Look at you. All grown up. And still a virgin thanks to that goody two-wings in the corner over there. No. Don't look at him. Look at me. I can FEEL how you're lusting after me." Through your intoxicated thoughts, Delphine could feel your adoration grow. With it, she grew larger still, cresting the eight foot mark. You felt yourself dwindle for the first time. It startled you, but it wasn't an unpleasant feeling.

"Submit to me." She said firmly, with no room for objections, not that you had any to give. You nodded, and she manifested a collar around your neck with a rope that led right to her hand. "Let me show you how to be a man and feel good." She ripped your clothes off with inhuman speed to reveal your already erect manhood.

Sliding her bottoms off. She straddled the whole length of the bed and lowered herself atop you. You let out a small grunt as you felt yourself penetrating someone for the first time. She moaned in response and encouraged you. Delphine could feel herself siphoning your strength and grew again, her brests bubbling larger and breaking free of their top, two red hot nipples forcing themselves into your face. You instinctively grabbed two fistfuls of flesh as she began to bounce forcefully on top of you. The bed had no chance. And quickly, the legs collapsed, forcing you hard against her as she wrapped her supple wings and strong arms around you to keep you safe.

"Oh perfect, I'm further from the ceiling now. More room to...mmmmph...grow!" She felt you empty yourself inside her and she pulsed with your releases, growing to ten, then twelve feet in height. Percy cried out from across the floor at the sight. Meanwhile, you were no more than three feet tall at this point. As delphine climbed off you and stood up, she realized she needed to hunch over to not break through the ceiling. "I'm so big now." She said, amazed at herself. "So powerful. So sexy. I'm addicted to this. I want more." Just then, her iPad poofed in front of her again and began to ring incessantly. She there it to the ground and crushed it with her heel, a single demonic scream and a lowly underworld soul slipping out which she pulled into her hand simply by willing it. She examined the poor soul before closing her fist and absorbing it into herself.

"Oooooh" She cooed as she made its power her own. "I shouldn't be allowed to do that. That's dangerous." As she grew to twenty feet, Delphine was now pressed against every wall in your room. "I wonder..." She said to herself, curiosity getting the better of her. Summoning Percy's cage to her, she crushed it in her hand, leaving him exposed in her clutches.

"You shouldn't have this kind of power." He said, weakly.

"You're telling me." She replied with a grin before he sank into her palm and his soul was absorbed by her. "Mmmph! That feels so so good! Angel souls are so strong!" Grabbing you and stuffing you into your cleavage before it was too late, Delphine erupted from the remnants of your home, exploding to thirty and then forty feet as her wings unfurled to their full width and she let our an unholy howl of pleasure. You watched as she stood to her full height, the world around you shrinking away as she did.

"You're next little man." She said, gingerly patting you on your head. Her finger came down like a ton of bricks on top of you as you sank deeper into her breasts. Delphine began to absorb what was left of you, but you stopped at a mere six inches in height. "Hmmph. I guess I can't fully extinguish human souls. That would be breaking the rules...but umph! Thanks for the little boost! I'm so powerful now that I can feel the negative energy around me. All the naughty thoughts pouring out of all the humans in this whole area. It's a feast just waiting for me. But first, how about we go pay Benny and his hunky demon a visit. I simply must thank the both of them for my ascension." She lengthened the rope that was tied around your neck and put it around her own before enclosing you in a little windowed locket. "Front row seat for the one that made all this possible." As delphine sauntered down the street, onlookers gazed apon their new goddess and their lust and envy poured into her growing her larger and larger with each step. She could only laugh and moan as her power grew with each step.

[lunarsands]

Multi-SMP Fanfic: Which Fate’s Fairest To Us All – Ch 6

Characters: Mythical Sausage (1st), Rusty the Copper Golem, PearlescentMoon, Scott Smajor (1st), Mythical Sausage (2nd), Hermes, Mythical Sausage (3rd), Scott Smajor (2nd), Rocky the Goblin, and a couple of briefly mentioned cameos at the end!

WARNINGS: Character death (but they get better because Afterlife/New Life rules are in play), body horror

Chapter Summary: The group escapes the labyrinth at last only to run straight into a new battle against Sparrow and the sculk. Afterward, fate continues to have other plans for Myth and Smajor as they find their way to Sanctuary…

Sequel to Mirror Tenfold, Beyond the Wall and follows sometime after the events of Thou, O Kings, Fair Be You All.

(Also available on Ao3!)

[ Chapter One ] [ Chapter Two ] [ Chapter Three ] [ Chapter Four ] [ Chapter Five ]

---

Chapter Six

That tide felt like it would sweep Myth himself away.

“It all started when he – well, when I did what guardian angels do, try to defend against evil, and vampires are the epitome of evil, right? My holy water didn’t seem to do much, so I ran away and he chased me down, and I ended up unconscious, and I woke up as his prisoner for him to feed off of whenever he wanted. He had taken my wings to display as a trophy and cut me off from the sky and sunlight. Eventually he weakened me enough that I ‘died’ – in a way – but I returned to life still in that dungeon but as a wither. Maybe there was something to that resurrection magic for choosing that particular creature for me to become, maybe some sort of influence after all, because I now saw the world from his point of view, and teamed up with him to spread despair in the world.

“But we were never fully on friendly terms. I snapped one day and withered my own wings, no longer allowing him that victory but staying at his side to continue down the path of evil. And then one day he came back dying from poison. And then he revived as an angel. And that was when my mind truly snapped, convinced he had stolen my holiness from me so he could turn himself into something more powerful. We both fell into insanity from the overwhelming need to get revenge on each other, and that’s how we ended up going through dozens of lives, all with different powers and different ways to murder each other, ignoring the rest of the world as we sought to kill the other a final time and win.”

Myth drew a deep breath. “I found a little sanity at some point, probably after I suffered five deaths in a row. Then I became a blazeborn, and Smajor became a gravital, and we had a stalemate going, and I led him into the Deep Dark hoping that a Warden would help take him down a few times. But we ended up going through the portal, and found ourselves in that labyrinth. And then we ran into our doubles, and when they got their previous powers back and I saw how my double looked at his Scott with adoration when he regrew angel wings… I snapped again. And instead of three of us working together to subdue Smajor, we all fought each other. It was that Scott who defeated me – subdued <i>me,</i> saying he had no intention of killing me despite knowing the exact weakness that would destroy me, and I came back to my senses.

“The other me dealt with Smajor and even tried to ‘fix’ him – using his wither powers, he temporarily removed Smajor’s soul and used some combination of his abilities to stabilize it, removing Smajor’s insanity and knocking him out, too. Then they flew off to try to find an exit. Which they did, returning to lead me out and that’s how I knew how to get here this time.”

Now he sighed wearily. “But just because Smajor was no longer insane it didn’t take away his need for revenge. So, that’s why he caused the death that made me a seraph. I was foolish to think that it was a reward for working together with the Mythical Sausage who was the complete opposite of me. I thought it was a sign to avenge everything Smajor had put me through for as many times as I saw fit. But I went too far, causing myself to become fallen. The celestial realm rejected me and punished me, turning my wings blood red to serve as a warning for others to stay away, that I wasn’t any kind of savior. But I didn’t care. I kept taking vengeance on Smajor. I took every life he had, in every form. No powers he gained could stop me. And eventually I became something more condemned than a fallen angel – I became a cursed one.”

Myth’s gaze went to Sausage. “That was the me you met. By then I had found the limit of the transformation magic in our world, and Smajor had no powers at all. But he didn’t die a final time, so I kept him imprisoned, because I could never believe he would change his ways. If he was allowed to go free, I just knew he would find a way to be a menace again, and he had plenty of time to figure out how since we’ve both been doomed to miserable immortality.”

Everyone’s attention was glued to this honest disclosure of Myth’s past. Scott and Ghast-sage had expressions of uneasy concern, while Sausage and Hermes had different amounts of sympathy clear on their faces. Rusty was silent, although his antenna did bob a few times.

“One time, the doubles we had met here appeared in our world – this was before Sanctuary, but the other seraph was in his final form and his Scott was some sort of purple sparkly creature that could call down meteor strikes – as you can guess, I fought with them again… but I really just wanted them to leave me alone. I had given up on redemption. Fate had already told me that I was cursed to be Smajor’s warden.”

Myth grimaced at the irony of the term, given what they had just been through. “Then, one day – after the Sanctuary incident – some kind of magical force teleported us to another world. It was the Superhero’s world.” Here, he cast another glance at Sausage. “Smajor’s double found him before I did, and used vampire powers to turn Smajor – giving him supernatural abilities again. Honestly, I’m just glad Smajor didn’t gain ten powers at once like those guys. The Superhero, his teammate, and I stopped them both, but I went too far again and… was ready to kill that Scott because I assumed too much about his preference for his vampire powers. The Superhero stopped me, things calmed down, a portal appeared that had what we thought were obvious signs it would take us home, and we left on unwelcome terms.”

He hadn’t wanted to admit the one part, worried that the Scott in front of him now would no longer trust him – a justified thought, as Scott took a hasty step back. Myth continued to keep his arms at his sides even though the lack of gesticulating as he spoke made him feel weird. “Something happened during the teleport once we went through. I lost sight of Smajor, and then suddenly I was turned into a phoenix. And then I stepped out of a Nether portal into your world.” He gave a nod to Scott and Ghast-sage.

“Everyone who came by assumed I was their ghast mage, so I pretended to ‘forget’ what had happened that made ‘me’ turn into a phoenix just so I could… well, wrap my head around it all. Rusty knew something was up, but he let me adjust to life there. It was… a nice break from the back-and-forth murder. I… had a chance to just live and learn new things, like all that technology you have. I, um, I tried to keep things in good condition for you.”

Myth briefly glanced at Ghast-sage, then lowered his gaze only to glance back again. “Then Smajor showed up. He had changed, too, into a fungal mage. He had accepted being mistaken for their Scott, too, but he somehow grew a conscience and wanted to find the versions of us that belonged there. I told him to go away because I didn’t trust his motives. Then he came back with news of where his investigations had led him: the Ancient City and its active portal. I knew what that meant. And he knew that I was the only one who would know how to get out of the labyrinth.”

Myth sighed regretfully. “I still didn’t want to trust him, and I didn’t know which option was better: both of us going in and unwillingly splitting up to find you, or only me and having no choice but to trust him to not destroy the portal behind me. And then I had no say in it, anyway, because sculk began to attack and he used his powers to fight it – and to fling me into the portal. And now that is what could be waiting for us on the other side.”

Myth brought his hands forward to look at them as he curled and uncurled his fingers a few times. “Guess I also now have what I need to stop the sculk and stop Smajor if he tries anything.” He nodded at Sausage and Hermes. “At least you can safely go through your portal. It will let you out where you entered. My plan is to go through with them, destroy the sculk if it’s still there, grab Smajor, and come back here. All of you must destroy your portals after that, and any others you find in your worlds to stop anyone else getting stuck in this limbo dimension – and stop any of that mutated sculk from escaping here.”

Hermes slowly panned his gaze over the entirety of the portal cluster. “What about the rest of these? And what if there are more spots like this in here with more portals?”

“I’m going to drag Smajor through each one and back to warn the people in those worlds. I’ve got infinite time to do it.”

“Mate, that’s going to take too long.” Hermes began ticking off a list on his fingers.  “You’ll lose him every time you come back in. He could escape through any of the other portals while you’re trying to find him. More people might wander in while you’re busy in just one world trying to convince them. You might meet people who want to stop you.” He shook his head emphatically. “I think you’ll want to leave this to someone who has more experience with navigating the multiverse.”

Myth scowled, all too aware of the logistics; a second later an amused smirk crossed his face. “Ah. So, if the Guardian of Realities’ job here wasn’t to guide us out, it was to learn about this problem and travel around to deal with it. Then I guess there’s no use for Smajor and I after all. Makes enough sense. But I still need to collect him before I go home, so let’s get moving.”

Feeling a little drained from all the talking – as well as feeling redundant yet again – Myth flew up to the portal that once led to his new life. He waited before entering, giving Scott a few seconds to teleport Ghast-sage and Rusty to the inner edge of the portal frame before saying to them, “Escape as soon as you can when we’re on the other side. I’ll still be the one to handle Smajor and the sculk. Protector!” he then called down, watching Hermes pick up his father to make it a little easier to reach their own portal. In an effort to offer the sincerest thing he could think of, Myth said, “Good luck. May the pearlescent moon’s guidance speed your travels.”

He didn’t hear Sausage gasp. The swooshing sound of the teleportation magic was already taking hold.

~*~

Myth was alert for Smajor’s position as soon as the Ancient City came into view through the swirling particles. When he caught movement to his left he spun toward it, spreading his wings to shield Scott and Ghast-sage behind him. He made a shooing motion with his right hand, signaling them to move away. He trusted them to take cover further back or even defend themselves from any encroaching sculk, because he was dead set on catching Smajor before anything else.

With his attention firmly turned away from the portal it was easy for additional figures to slip out of it and also run for cover.

As he leapt toward the suspicious movement in front of him, Myth prepared to utter the unsettling noise that he fully expected to get Smajor’s attention. However, Myth was the one who came up short at the sight awaiting him. At first it seemed Smajor was attacking Sparrow – except he was human again, or human-ish; at the very least, Myth was very certain that Sparrow had been a copper golem the last time he had seen him.

Next he noted the blotches of sculk all over Sparrow’s body, including both skin and clothes. Then there was the distinct fact that Sparrow was standing over Smajor, pressing closer and closer to the fungal mage’s throat with an unusual-looking strand of sculk vein.

Of important note was also that there was absolutely no mycelium near Smajor. His back was against a large unbroken carpet of sculk, and despite the flicker of spores around his hands revealed by the light of nearby soul lanterns, the strand wasn’t converting, either. Meanwhile, there was a visible bubbling effect occurring where Sparrow held it.

When tinier bits of sculk vein oozed out of these bubbles to land on Smajor’s chest and face Myth knew where to focus his attack. He pounced, reaching around from behind Sparrow to grab the strand, grasping it directly next to Sparrow’s hands. Myth registered the wire-like feel of it before activating his powers. Within less than a second the whole length of it was crumbling due to decay.

And as Myth had suspected, Sparrow yelped in pain when the decay touched his hands.

The sculk-possessed humanoid’s instincts were to jump away, but Myth closed his arms around him. He refrained from using any more decay – he needed answers, not a disappearing pile of dust while Sparrow’s consciousness revived elsewhere. He did, however, finally utter the bone-chilling breath of a wither, intending to strike some fear into Sparrow.

It was Smajor who emitted a terrified gasp and began a frenzied attempt to slide away backward. He failed to move an inch. Myth now saw that the fungal mage was not just lying on the sculk but was actually trapped by a sludgy form of it that was clinging to his robes.

Smajor really wasn’t the culprit here. It was Sparrow.

“Let me go!” the now-struggling Sparrow yelled. “Intruders must be eliminated!”

Myth scoffed at the irony. “Well, I guess that means I need to be eliminated, too. Don’t really care for that. How about you settle down instead? We need to talk.” Maintaining a tight grasp on Sparrow with one arm, Myth leaned to the side to grab a fistful of sculk out of the ground. He brought it around to hold it in front of Sparrow’s face. “You might be able to play fungus tug-of-war with him, but I can make it so no one has any ammunition.” He crushed the sculk in his hand. The ashen remains fluttered down before Sparrow’s eyes.

Sparrow thrashed wildly in response, forcing Myth to turn around in an effort to keep him restrained. “No! How could you do that to us?! This is our home! Our domain! You’re the ones who don’t belong here! You can’t stop us! We can keep spreading from anywhere and we’ll keep coming back no matter what you do!”

“You’re right about him and me not belonging. But I think we’re exactly what this world needed: two people who are very good at destruction.” Myth’s gaze flicked to a flurry of orange particles in the distance. In the next second he was shoving Sparrow into Scott’s arms; they disappeared immediately, and once he saw the transporter reappear on top of a sculk-free deepslate wall, Myth plunged his hands into the sculk at his very feet with a roar.

Decay shot across the entire surface in an expanding radius around him. Smajor dropped onto the layer of solid deepslate below as the muck trapping him crumbled away. He coughed from the stale remnants that floated in the air before those, too, dissipated. He stayed where he was, simply watching the wave of decay as it continued ever outward. However, he abruptly scrambled to his feet when he saw other faces peeking out from around a deepslate pillar – one that was partially held up by sculk. He ran toward it and flung his hands out, sending a line of mycelium across the floor and up the pillar, replacing the sculk just as the spreading decay was about to reach it.  Smajor then fell backward, chest heaving before he recovered enough to sit up again.

Sparrow’s distorted voice rang out. “No, no, no!! Where are the guardians of this city?! Rise, Wardens! I command you!” His voice lost all semblance of itself on the final three words.

The ground underneath Myth rumbled and churned. Before he could react, numerous large clawed hands thrust upward out of the resulting rubble and grabbed him, pulling him down through the displaced floor with bits of deepslate cutting at him on the way.

Scott teleported to the spot but even he was too slow to do anything – the deepslate reformed itself into solid ground right before his eyes. Sparrow laughed in triumph.

“Ohmygod!” Ghast-sage shouted from where he was hiding. “Th-They can just do that?!”

Scott squatted to touch the floor. Surely it would start crumbling away when Myth unleashed his powers in order to destroy the Wardens that had grabbed him, and surely he could make deepslate decay just like the sculk…

A sound like the reversed shattering of glass interrupted the horrified silence that had followed. From behind the pillar Smajor had prevented from falling came a small bolt of orange energy that ricocheted rapidly off of thin air. It struck the ground where Myth had disappeared. Scott drew back, startled, but then lowered his hand again. He could swear the surface under his palm was growing warm.

No, it definitely was.

He leapt away a breath before the deepslate turned molten and buckled upward in the shape of a volcanic cone. A blazing form burst from the center – Myth, his wings and upper body aflame in hues of glowing orange. A split-second glimpse of his eyes revealed twin blind embers as he continued soaring straight up. A deafening hawk-like screech rent the cavern. Myth crashed right into the ceiling a second later.

No one saw what happened to him in the aftermath. While they had been watching him, the volcano in the floor had doubled in size and its sides had begun to protrude. It exploded outward, covering the entire area in a blanket of burning lava.

~*~

The next thing Myth became aware of was a voice that sounded an awful lot like Hermes and might have been asking Myth if he could hear him. He lifted his head from the oddly warm ground. At the corners of his fuzzy vision, he could discern the fading light of lava disappearing into cracks before the rest of it began to cool. He was confused by the orange tufts at the top of his line of sight. Groggily maneuvering a hand out from under his prone body to touch them revealed that it was his own hair. He shifted a wing into view. His feathers were orange again.

This universe really was dead-set on wanting him to be a phoenix.

He sat up, keeping his hand to his head, while Hermes kept plying him for a response. Myth’s ears were ringing, so the words weren’t clear, plus he was still processing the fact the young man was there. “Wha… You were… Your own portal…” Myth mumbled. “How’d you… get here?”

Hermes’ voice continued to be muffled by the thankfully now-dulling ring, so Myth tried using his eyes to gain information. He saw the blurry figure of Sausage standing over someone, talking to them. The blur was resolving itself slowly, so Myth squinted at the sitting figure. The red shape that bobbed along with their head movements clarified into a mushroom cap. Myth tried to lunge onto his feet, a warning on his lips.

He fell flat on his face instead. He had been revived once again, yet he didn’t feel particularly refreshed in the energy department this time around.

“Easy, mate,” came a gentle reproach from Hermes as he lent Myth a hand in sitting up again. “You smacked into the ceiling pretty hard. We figured you could withstand the heat better than the others, so we recovered them first. I’ve got to say, the resurrection magic of this world is fascinating to witness.”

Myth looked to where Sausage stood. There were four bodies near him: three laying on the ground with Rusty pacing next to one of them and the last one sitting up as the chat with Sausage continued. Now Myth could tell there was a difference; although there was the white hair under the mushroom cap like Smajor, the clothes were Scott’s.

Myth’s body froze up as a realization began to dawn in his brain, but his gaze was able to slide to the other figures. The identical fungal mage was there, in the same robes as expected with his satchel beside him. Next was Sparrow, lacking the sculk that had marred him before. And then a face identical to his own right down to the orange beard and hair, if not minus the extensive scar, with orange-feathered wings splayed out underneath him, and wearing the Ghast Mage’s robes.

Understanding settled over him. He let a bitter smile cross his face then he slouched, letting an invisible weight off his shoulders. He turned his head as Hermes sat down beside him. “I need you to explain again why you’re here. I didn’t catch it the first time.”

“Sure. We were about to go through our portal but Dad said he sensed something from the Staff and insisted we follow you guys. You were already moving away when we came through, so we took cover to watch what might happen. Dad was trying to figure out what the Staff wanted, then that gemstone in it shattered and released some sort of magic beam out to where you got dragged underground. After that things got kind of dicey because a massive lava eruption happened after you flew out of like, a volcano-looking thing. Or maybe the volcano spat you out and the lava followed. N-Not to say you caused it,” Hermes quickly amended. “I’m not sure how conscious you even were at that point, and that was before you hit the ceiling.”

Myth put a hand to his head as if feeling for a bump, shifting his gaze to his boots. “I don’t remember anything between the Wardens pulling me in and a few minutes ago. But it’s obvious Smajor and I have to go soon. This world doesn’t need two phoenixes and fungal mages.” He started to push himself up, then felt a wave of dizziness, so he sat back down. “…After a little more rest.”

By now Smajor had awakened and was talking quietly to Scott. His movements were sluggish as he picked up his satchel of mushrooms and opened it. However, once he began pointing inside as the two chatted his energy seemed to pick up a bit. Myth kept what he felt was a reasonable amount of wariness, although perhaps he had given enough warnings about Smajor up till then that Hermes and Sausage could handle him.

The former Ghast Mage woke next. He snuck a few glances at Myth between observing the two fungal mages. Myth didn’t feel like chatting with him, anyway, so it was for the best that the other stayed where he was. He instead turned his mind toward composing a strategy for his next move.

As if privy to his train of thought, Hermes asked, “Are you still planning to go back in that labyrinth?”

“Of course. What else is there?”

“Well, I think you should come with my dad and I to Sanctuary. You could rest up a little more so you’ll be in better shape to chase down your unfortunately assigned ward over there when you get separated. It will be more comfortable than sitting around this cave. Plus, these guys will have their hands full going around destroying all the Ancient City portals here. In Sanctuary Dad and I can help keep an eye on Smajor.”

With the amicable-sounding conversation from the two fungal mages floating his way Myth admitted that this would, perhaps, be the better option.

~*~

After swapping clothes with their doubles, Myth, Smajor, and the rest of their new group stood watching from their hiding spot as the rightful phoenix and fungal mage of that universe walked away, Sparrow trudging wearily along between them and Rusty looking over the former Ghast-sage’s shoulder. Sparrow was still dazed from his experience, having been mumbling is distressed sorrow over having fought with his friends, and was apologizing profusely to Scott for trying to kill him.

They all thought it best to not involve Sparrow in the confusion of doubles from other realities; he had no memory of Myth destroying the sculk or of the Wardens dragging Myth underground. All Sparrow said he could recall was some kind of large explosion, comparing it to TNT.

After waiting ten minutes to make sure they were gone, Sausage held the Staff aloft – incidentally showing that it was back to its mossy and red-mushroom bedecked appearance – and a moment later Myth found himself blinking against bright sunlight streaming through tall stands of bamboo. A path with assorted flowers decorating random spots meandered away in front of them, splitting to the left to go up a slope to a small building while the rest of the path passed through a variety of trees, beyond which were the homes and businesses of Sanctuary itself. Myth cast a glance over his shoulder. Behind them was a giant tree stump with a giant white tulip growing atop it. Below the tulip and slightly to the right was a Nether portal.

He assumed this was a coincidence.

Sausage and Hermes walked past behind him, so Myth fully turned to watch and wait for a sign to follow. Now he saw a second, large-ish tree with a hollow in the middle near the roots. Squinting, Myth could see an armor stand inside. It was here that Sausage placed the Staff on one side of the armor stand while Hermes placed his trident on the other. A shimmer appeared over the front of the hollow as they exited.

Sausage smiled as he returned to the visitors, tired wrinkles appearing on his face. “Needs to recharge. Let’s go refresh at the tavern!”

As their host led the way, Myth none-too-subtly tossed glares at Smajor from the corner of his eyes. Smajor peered at him once with a neutral expression then lowered his head, keeping pace between Myth and Hermes the whole way.

The ambience of a breeze off the sea and call of animals hidden by trees and bamboo was a stark contrast to the stagnant isolation of both the labyrinth and the Deep Dark. When they reached the town proper Myth saw people of every race and species going about their day. Some of them called out greetings to Sausage and Hermes. There was a reverence in a few of the tones, as if they were addressing a king – or maybe it was Hermes’ status as a demi-god. Either way, the Protector and his son responded as friends rather than as rulers.

Upon reaching the tavern Sausage flung the door open and cheerfully called out, “¡Regresamos! ¿Cómo están todos? ¡María! ¡Justo a quién quería ver!” He crossed between tables to a person who, to Myth’s eyes, looked like an anthropomorphic rabbit wearing leatherworker gear. She had been helping an Allay change out tablecloths in the booths along the wall, but spoke an excited greeting then began chatting away with Sausage in his native language.

Hermes waved Myth and Smajor toward the bar. The latter hesitated. “Come on. Take a seat. My little brother can mix up some drinks to your liking. Best bartender in Sanctuary! ¡Hola, Rocky! We have newcomers!”

“¡Hola!” said a gravelly voice from behind the bar. From below behind the bar. Myth was about to sit on one of the barstools but curiosity seized him so he leaned over the bar to see what this brother of a demi-god might look like. He ended up making eye contact with a short, green-skinned person wearing similar brightly-colored clothes as the people around town. They uttered a strange sort of chirp in response. “¡Ay! ¡Papá! ¿Qué te pasó en la cara? ¡Y el pelo!”

Hermes laughed. “No, no, hermano– this is one of Dad’s dobles from another reality.”

“Oh. You could have warned me!” The small fellow chirped again. He added a sort of gargling sound afterward, then went about getting some clean mugs.

Apparently replying to these vocalizations, Hermes said, “Something to give everyone a little pick-me-up. No, I think you can leave out the redstone zest for now. We’ve had enough high blood pressure for one day.” He sat down as Myth settled onto the barstool, explaining, “Rocky is adopted from the goblin kingdom. He goes back and forth between languages in the same sentence, kind of an assimilation quirk of goblinfolk when they intermingle with other cultures they’re exposed to.”

Smajor had remained standing, hovering near the end of the bar. When Rocky stepped up onto a wooden ledge to place a mug in front of him, Smajor lightly shook his head. “No thank you, actually. I think I would rather just sleep. Using up my mana twenty times in a row is exhausting.” He continued to avoid looking at Myth – which was difficult, since he wanted to address Hermes.

Rocky uttered a “Prrrt” and stepped down. He then brought the mug over to Hermes and slid it next to where the young man rested his elbow, making an indiscernible comment. He then exited the bar, walking around to where Smajor was. “Follow me, Don Sombrero de Hongo. We offer the most comfortable rooms in all of Sanctuary to visitors.”

“I have no idea what you just called me,” Smajor said wearily. “But, whatever. Show me the way.” As they headed up the staircase Maria followed, one hand casually resting on the pommel of the dagger stuck through a loop on her apron.

Sausage came over to sit next to Hermes. He pulled over the mug Rocky had left, holding it between his hands. “Maria will keep an eye on him. Just in case.” He took a sip from the mug then let out a satisfied sigh. “Ah, it’s good to be home. I’ll start sending explanations about the Ancient City portals to the other empires in a little while. For now, these old bones need to rest!” He sighed again before taking a long, noisy sip of his drink.

Hermes casually cleared his throat. “Speaking of Ancient Cities, I have a proposal for you.” He swiveled his barstool toward Myth. “I have more training to do as Apprentice-Guardian-of-Realities, and obviously that means I have to go visit a bunch more worlds. You want to go around the multiverse in a round-about fashion. So, why don’t you travel with me? Using the Staff to get around will be much more efficient than having to go through that labyrinth over and over again. Sounds kind of lonely to me, really. Might as well have someone along who can vouch for what’s going on in that place. And I can help you avoid any realities that you’ve already been to – by the way, do the mobs in the Superhero’s world have ten powers, too?”

Myth stared back blankly for a moment, confused by Hermes’ blithe tone. The young man clearly hadn’t gotten enough of a taste of how dangerous it was to be around him. “I wouldn’t be alone, technically,” Myth blurted. “I’m taking Smajor. And there is no way I would risk bringing him along with that Staff there to tempt him—”

Sausage, hands resting around his mug again, calmly interrupted, “Well, there isn’t a Scott in this world anymore, so it wouldn’t cause a cosmic paradox if yours stayed here. Under my supervision, of course. Everyone is welcome to take shelter in Sanctuary, after all.” A small smile graced his visage, his age-lined eyes holding gentleness and patience as he looked at Myth.

Old buried resentment threatened to surface until Myth realized that this was a look of understanding and acceptance, not the pleading insistence of a shining seraph who wanted a cursed angel to give up his pain before he was ready. Still, his voice came out in a grumble. “You can’t be implying that I should stay here, too. You and I still make a paradox.”

“I’m the Guardian of Realities! Come on, now! I can cheat a little bit to make an exception for myself! And for whichever of myselves happen to find their way to my doorstep! But, ehhh, it is probably a good idea to leave with Hermes regularly. Just so no overarching multiversal powers-that-be don’t catch on, if you know what I’m sayin’. It’ll be fine! Don’t you worry for a minute! The multiverse has a job for you, after all!”

~*~   EPILOGUE   ~*~

Three months later…

Sausage walked out of the former L.O.R.E. headquarters after bidding everyone farewell, his sunflower-styled walking stick in hand. The items from the rift incident had been carefully packed away to be replaced by an ever-growing pile of charts and arrangements of different colored string across a bulletin board. The latter was to illustrate which realities shared similarities, noted mainly out of the interest in which ones were parallels of each other. The charts recorded spatial coordinates for each reality and the types of worlds that existed within them.

The initial team of two had grown during their travels throughout the multiverse. The debriefing room currently accommodated the likes of Blood Pearl of Mythland, an accomplished reality-hopper herself, who had been seeking a way to save her dear friend the Farmer King of Helianthia from fated doom; a Time Witch named Cleo who was on a quest to fix her own fractured timeline; and Interstellar Paladin Sparklez, who had been attempting to teach the ways of balance to the multiverse after his goddess, Lady Ianite, sacrificed herself to save his world.

Sausage had listened in enough times to acknowledge that Myth had gotten the hang of things, so he felt he could take his leave. He stopped off at the tavern and the bakery, procuring a picnic basket on the way to fill with some supplies, then headed off into a denser part of the bamboo forest outside of Sanctuary. He stopped briefly near a weather-worn stone memorial to check on a patch of unique flowers with an equally weather-worn wooden sign in front of the small border that surrounded them. The two species of flowers, which only grew in that one location in all the world, were thriving as they always had, so he continued on his trek.

A few minutes later the tall bamboo began to be overshadowed by the caps of giant mushrooms. Shorter clusters of them hugged the sides of the path along the way, some of mixed red and brown, some just one or the other at different heights, and even some warped and crimson fungus were there standing out amongst the mundane colors.

Then he reached the main mushroom grove, where the path itself turned to pure mycelium while around it was grass of a rich, deep emerald color. With even more of the giant mushrooms providing shade overhead, the air felt cooler as well as holding a comfortable dew point, making it seem like a completely different biome had been plunked down in the middle of the bamboo jungle.

Sausage leaned on his walking stick as he admired one of the giant mushrooms that had three joined stems, noting how it had the shape of a brown mushroom but with the bright orange specks found on a warped fungus.

A polite yawn behind him made him turn; Smajor stood there holding the last basket that Sausage had brought out, tiny mushrooms piled up to the point they were going to spill out if he tilted it. “Hello, Protector,” he greeted in a neutral tone. He had adopted the title to use for referring to him, never once calling Sausage by name. “What brings you out here?”

“I just thought I’d stop by and check on things.” Sausage held up the new basket, not needing to include this also meant offering his guest some food and drinks.

Smajor gently set down the one he had been carrying then waved a hand, causing two red mushrooms big enough to sit on to spring up behind himself and Sausage.

“Ah. Thank you.” Sausage leaned over to set his basket down on the ground too, then leaned on his walking stick again as he carefully lowered himself onto the provided seat. “It’s looking very nice out here. It feels serene. I’m particularly impressed with that one, there.” He gestured to the three-stemmed mushroom. “It reminds me of a kingdom I once saw. They also had magically-grown mushrooms in different colors, although that was attributed to special crystals that had been planted alongside regular mushrooms.”

“I thought I would experiment a little with the types I can conjure. As for that particular one…” Smajor paused, his eyes seeming to go distant for a second, then he continued, “They remind me of… home. From a long, long time ago. This place is very bright in comparison, so it’s not going to be a perfect imitation. But when the sun sets and the light is just right… It feels like my own little private piece of a twilight forest.”

There was a wistfulness in his voice that reached Sausage’s heart. “I’m glad you’ve been able to make a place for yourself during your time here. You’re always welcome in town, too, whenever you like.”

A frown pulled at the corners of Smajor’s lips, but he didn’t take out any of his bitterness on the well-meaning old man. “No, I’d rather stay here. Talking to nature suits me better than talking to people, and I definitely don’t want to run into Myth by accident. And I don’t want him to come here.”

“I’m pretty sure he’s too busy to pay a visit.”

"Either way, he will never stop looking at me like he thinks I'm going to murder you all if the wind starts blowing from another direction." Smajor sighed in feigned-resignation. "I mean, I still want to see him dead, but since that is extremely unlikely to ever happen, I'll stick with never seeing his particular face again. Out here is my peace, and if you want more reasons to stop feeling obligated to invite me to town, then think of it as me staying out here makes it safer for everyone. I want to keep it that way.”

THE END

[post-A/N: That wraps things up for Myth and Smajor, along with the Past Unmasked timeline! Well, unless I get struck by more inspiration out of the blue. Obviously this went far beyond a couple of darkfics written for the heck of it and an AU based on a friend's artwork, so who knows! But I do want to focus on other Empires S1 stuff and potentially one more fic for Soul Liminality 2, so please stay tuned! I appreciate everyone who has taken the time to read these bizarre AUs of mine, with a special shout out to those who left comments! The encouragement is greatly appreciated! Thank you so much for staying with me through the development of these characters and their wanderings away from canon. I hope you'll enjoy the fics I write in the future!]

~*~*~

Translations:

¡Regresamos! ¿Cómo están todos? ¡María! ¡Justo a quién quería ver!  -We have returned! How is everyone? Maria! Just who I wanted to see!

Hola! – Hello!

¡Ay! ¡Papá! ¿Qué te pasó en la cara? ¡Y el pelo!  - Yikes! Papa! What happened to your face? And hair!

Hermano -  brother

Dobles - doubles

Don Sombrero de Hongo - Mister Mushroom Hat

[silvergomez]

House Of Ashes In Among Us 5 : Mira HQ

Eric : So Guys, After a long time we are going to play the new map!

Jason : Airship?

Eric : No! Mira Hq!

Jason : So it's not the new map, right idiot .

Salim : For what aggressiveness my friends?

Eric : He who started...

Rachel : Screw it! Start the fucking game right away.

Eric : But first I'll say something...I added the guardian angel role.

Joey : Sounds interesting but what exactly is it for?

Eric : When someone dies That person can use a shield protecting another innocent from the imposter.

Dar : is that all he does?

Eric : yes just that.

Dar : And what does it help with?

Eric : No more stupid questions, everyone ready?

Clarice : Yes!

Merwin : If the pretty girl agrees, I agree too.

Joey : You seem a little rusty to be flirting, don't you think?

Merwin : That's not what your mother told me in her bed yesterday...

*merwin and joey laugh*

Eric : Let's get started this one getting too long...

Shhh...

1 imposter on board

Joey : Wow this new cafetery is very beautiful..

Salim : Really, look at the clouds outside...

Joey : This map has been here for a while but it's a classic..

Salim : True true, it is a classic and incredible.

Rachel : Are the two stooges going to stay there or are they going to do the tasks?

Salim : We're going to do that... huh

Joey : Wow I have a task Over there... Uh how sad for me.

*Sabotaged Lights*

Salim : oh god I can't see anything....

Rachel : oh great it was just what we needed...

*A strange noise*

Salim : oh my god what was that?

Rachel : I don't know but it was close...

Merwin : It was nothing guys I just tripped...

Rachel : It had to be the merwin...

Merwin : haha but speaking of which where are the others?

Rachel: I don't know if you noticed anymore. It's dark in here.

Salim : I'll go there and try to help... Bye to you.

merwin : Wow, what was that?

Rachel : Someone has to do something here, right?

Merwin : I think so?

*On the other side of the map*

Nick : this task is so boring!! I hate this.

Clarice : Problems with the card?

Nick : Oh yeah! I can't I can't swipe the card...

Eric : Hey you devils, aren't you going to help me fix this damn light?

Nick : Just a second let me pass this card...

Clarice : let me help you if not you will stay there forever.

Nick : Oh yes...of course.

*lights come back*

Clarice : wow finally, Eric managed to fix the lights.

Nick : yes... Haha but still I feel humiliated for not being able to make a damn card.

Clarice : We are not always good at everything.

*Body reported*

Salim : Eric's body where he fixes the lights..

Clarice : What? But how? He was alive just now...how-how did he die?

Salim : I don't know, I converted the lights and when they came back I saw his body there.

Nick : I think it's you.it could only be you Clarice was with me the whole time.

Salim : I? I swear it wasn't me... I had come from the cafeteria I wouldn't kill and report... especially Early in the game It's too risky.

Clarice : He's right...It doesn't make sense for him to be the imposter nick, someone killed him And got into the vent.

Nick : Yeah but I'll still keep an eye on you.

Rachel : And also when I was in the cafeteria and the lights went out he could have killed me but he didn't... so I dare say Salim is innocent.

merwin : True, but don't trust it that much..

Jason : So let's Skip for now?

Rachel : I don't know I'm a little suspicious of you.

Jason : Of me? Again? Serious? I was there in the lab It can't be me... At least not this time.

Rachel : Could have used the ventilation.And as far as I know last time, the one who kept turning off the lights was you.

Jason : That's not enough evidence to say it's me.

Joey : Guys,stop accusing without proof, only accuse when you have Enough Evidence to Prove your claim.

merwin : When did you get so smart?

Joey : watching Among Us videos on YouTube of course.

merwin : So boy you got the upper hand.

Dar : Since no one knows who the imposter is Let's just give Skip soon and stop this Idiocy of accusing others.

*All vote Skip*

*No one was ejected*

Salim : They're suspicious of me...shit.

Nick : He looks suspicious to me.

Clarice : But why would he report knowing it's risky for him?

Nick : Exactly why. if you get it right he might have done it like "oh I reported it so it can't be me because it's risky for the imposter" so no one suspects him..

Clarice : Makes sense...but let's not jump to conclusions, Let's think Better about it It's just the beginning...

Nick : ok ok i will try...

*On the other side of the map*

Dar : Damn task! Now there are only two left to finish everything.

*Strange noises again*

dar : Yup! I finally finished this damn task-

*two hands Grasp Dar's face And spin his backwards breaking it,his body falls to the ground dead*

??? : hahahahaha....

To be Continued 🤫

[eroutesque]

Death, oh yes, the very death, 

One and only,

I am her partner, in joy and grief,

I take lady Death

To have and to hold

For better or worse,

For richer or poorer,

In sickness and in health,

To love and to cherish,

And there is no-one to part us!

The wings of my solemn vow,

The wings of dead doves,

Are decorating my gravestone. 

But I never lie, 

there, 

I never lie. 

Perfume bottles filled with brewing blood

Scent of rusty iron is better than a heart without texture,

I am always the dead one who is the only alive.

Mortem? *laughs* 

Such a torture to forever remain alive,

In twisting convulsions,

Waltzing dance macabre with the shadow of lady Mortem. 

Death is a dirty matter, yes the matter! 

Rotting, decomposed lie about all the beautiful things a life has to offer.

As you keep breathing with clocklike regularity, 

and the life showers you with all the world´s charms and delights, 

the old  hideous lady Death, 

groaning and creaking, 

slowly (if you are lucky) is creeping from behind.

The next sudden moment she grabs your throat, 

with her cold sharp fingertips, 

she wraps around your neck, 

down your spine, 

pull it all out outrageously and tears into pieces. 

Then she proceeds

to dive deep 

into the fragile cage of your chest,

raking with its moldy bony fingers

into your hysterically beating heart, 

squeezing and crushing it like a piece of clay, 

and finally tossing it, 

the useless deformed substance, 

your precious heart! 

With thousand of tingling needles 

she mercilessly penetrates your brain 

and pierces neuron by neuron,

like cheap funfair balloons. 

The myriad of emotions, 

from despair to hysteria, 

exploding your unprepared mind. 

That’s what death is. 

The Servant of merciless God. 

That’s what happens,

when you eat alive your guardian angel.

Death! *sings* Death, death, oh sweet fucking death!

It is death, nothing more, nothing less! 

A void! As horrid and boring as it can be. 

Inevitable fall to the abyss masked by the mundane triviality of existence. 

It is in death we all are equal,

It is to death we are nothing but miserable moths, 

In fear and despair,

trying to reach the fire pond of her lethally alluring will. 

We reach for the fire to burn alive, 

In hope it would warm us! 

We cling to life by dreaming of death. 

And when we finally face her coming, 

we gather all the life forces

to fight against her embrace.  

The thought of giving in vanishes by instinct, 

leaving us with a steelstrong desire to breath,

to exist,

to keep a meaning of our name,

To fight for our lifestory to continue…

Grande finale is not an option, oh no!

Where is then our romantic longing for death,

 we so lovingly cherish,

in tedious safety,

during the times of  boredom? 

The desire of adrenalin simmering though our entangled veins,

Too fragile,

too weak to handle the force of the desire,

Tunica intima,

bursting fireworks with joy of anticipation.

And the arc of triumph, 

bloodworms crawling,

Around your neck,

Curtains closed. 

Where is our wish to meet the death with dignity,

Betrayer, it leaves us alone, 

to face the mother death,

She’s calling us back to the womb of the void.

Back to the abyss, 

To prove,

Once and for all,

that each and every of us

 is a part of the ultimate grim nothingness. 

Back to the sacred void,

To show, 

That nothing of our importance really matters,

nor does it have any significant meaning. 

Just a mere illusion,

created out of despair 

and our narrow-mindenessness. 

Cowards! 

We turn into pathetic cowards

when death strikes us, 

and all we then dream about,

in face of cold and gloomy unknown,

is safe and warm mundanity, which

with enthusiasm we once happened to curse.

[practically-an-x-man]

Your OCs wake up tied up in a strange place... Actually kidnapped. What happens next?

*I get out the popcorn because I suspect I might know the answer for at least one of your OCs*

Ooooh very interesting! Thank you!!

Rae: Sits there for a while, chattering away. She keeps a shield up the entire time, preventing her captors from trying anything physical, though she's restrained too well to do anything offensive herself. She just keeps mentioning that her "guardian angel" will save her - they all think it's some kind of religious plea and laugh it off... right up until Warren shows up and picks them off one by one. Rae didn't even break a sweat.

Robin: I mean, she's broken out of prison before, and on multiple occasions. She probably sustains a few injuries at the beginning, especially after she busted half her captors' eardrums with a sonic blast and they got pissed, but she slips away as soon as they make the mistake of leaving her alone. She finds the nearest phone and calls Peter, and he picks her up a moment later

Jasper: Honestly... wouldn't do as well as they'd like to expect. I mean, there's a difference between saying "Oh yeah if I was kidnapped I'd just use my empathic powers to give my kidnappers panic attacks and escape while they're incapacitated"... and actually getting kidnapped. I don't want to say they'd die, or come into serious bodily harm, but it would take them a while to pull themself together enough to come up with a plan to escape.

Madison: At first, would get a spike of panic at the situation - she hates feeling helpless, and she really hates having her hands restrained, so she wouldn't have a good time. But once she recovered her bearings a bit, she manages to twist around to her multitool in her pocket and is able to cut away at her bindings. She's always got at least one knife on her, they really should have known better than to use ordinary rope to tie her down.

Ophelia: It only takes her a few moments to get her bearings, and then she's working on getting herself untied. She's taken more than her share of self-defense classes, so her escape is actually fairly by-the-books. By the time Peter swings in to rescue her, just a few minutes later, she's walking right out the front door.

Quinn: Doesn't make any drastic escape attempts (not much she could do, being tied to a chair and having limited mobility to begin with), but she manages to annoy her captors enough that they eventually just let her go. They tried to "shut her up" with torture, but she's got such a high pain tolerance that she just kept going. She catches a cab and limps home before the other Ghosts have even realized she's gone (though she does have to explain all the blood and injuries to Billy, of course)

Kestrel: Is gone almost before the capture begins. I mean, what restraints can hold a literal shapeshifter? By the time their kidnappers enter the room, all they see is a flash of rusty-red feathers flying out the nearest window. And that's assuming they were somehow able to capture Kestrel to begin with.

Katherine: probably freaks out a bit at first - I mean, hell, it's not like she's ever been kidnapped before! - but gets ahold of herself after a few moments and ends up reaching for her magic. She's home safe by suppertime, and her captors are discovered the next day with huge, gruesome claw marks littering their bodies. The police claim a lion escaped from the local zoo, but they can't quite explain it...

Nikoletta: Wakes up, looks around, realizes she's captured... and then the sun passes behind a cloud and she jumps into the resulting shadow to escape. Her captors are extremely confused.

Eris: Ohoho, this is the one I've been waiting for so I saved it for last. Eris wakes up, realizing the situation immediately but still being completely unconcerned, and asks their captors for a phone call. They're just confused enough to oblige, sprinkling in a threat that no matter who he calls, they won't get there in time. Eris just shrugs.

"That's cute. I'm not calling Rick to rescue me. I'm calling him to get the tarp and bucket ready for when I'm done."

Needless to say, their kidnappers last a whole five more, very bloody minutes.

[skyfcx]

001.   the seaside ,  as the sun is setting . / withhhh a muse of ur choosing ! <:3c

Set the Scene || Prompt

     Two sets of steps stride across sands ever-spanning... By a sun's setting shade are shadows elongated to impossible lengths, figures making their way down an empty beach with chatter in between.

     "Thanks again for taggin' along, Knuckles! I just didn't think that trying to pick this one up on my own was gonna be a good idea. We don't really interact with the seafolk down below, but I know they can be a little on the... territorial side. So giving them a heads-up just felt polite at the very least."

     In response, a thumbs up is offered to the younger, nonchalant in fashion. "Eh, it's no sweat. You're lucky, you caught me at a good time. Angel Island tends to reach the upper atmosphere during part of the year and stay there for about a month, so the amount of people that can even reach the place is slim. It's the rare bit of free-time I've got. So I guess I can burn it on you instead'a treasure hunts."

     A jest, one that found the kit with a chuckle loosened, gaze returning forward but moments after. "Well then, let's hope that we can pick this emerald up fast and get you back to your downtime! The ping I received is sort of... throughout the entire ocean? I won't be able to pinpoint anything unless I get closer."

     "Right, right. Guess I'll do my part, then. Gotta admit, I never thought Amy teachin' me this little trick would ever come in handy. Another point t'her, as always."

     The Mystic Melody... what an abnormal tool it was. It felt like untapped potential. A room in your home that you've lived in for years, yet you still don't own the key needed to unlock it. Even as a user of the ability, the echidna hardly knew its entire setlist of applications. With things like Chaos Emeralds and the subset of energy they produce, everything they could do was well-documented by people like himself, Tails, and even Shadow. With something as abstract as this, though, it was hardly even known about. A secret almost lost to time.

     Perhaps that's why it was tied to their very oceans, the owners of some of the oldest pieces of history still left for observing. It's been told that, in the right hands, the ethereal instrument could part the seas and give access to lands drowned and washed away. For some of them had been intentionally plunged into saltwater, all in an effort to hide away from those who weren't reputable enough to know of their existence at all.

     Now, the guardian couldn't do all of that, but... He was hoping he could at least phone a friend, in so many words. An emissary of the ocean to converse on equal grounds.

     If this melody is heard, they should arrive in due time. If the ordinances between the sea and the land are still being respected. It's not like there's been an effort to maintain them in recent years. Right now, the red and yellow duo were just banking on an ancient honor system. They didn't want to do this the hard way, so an outstretched hand requesting assistance would be formed by mystic song.

     Gloves rise to the lips, a flash of emerald-green light channels humming air by his mitts. A mouth flexes as though to prepare for the release of air, though no breath is properly given. Sound is simply produced by slow and practiced gestures. ...Or, well. Once-practiced, perhaps. He was certainly a little rusty, it wasn't every day he whipped out this technique. But hopefully, it would serve its purpose all the same.

     Hopefully, an envoy of the sea would hear their plea for an audience.

[troutfur]

Smudge: "Scourge! Something horrible happened!! Firepaw nearly died! She's got these cobwebs all over her and everything...oh and her names Fireheart now, and she overthrew this guy named Brokenstar who was killing kittens because they couldn't kill fully trained cats, crazy right? Oh and her friend who looks like you, Ravenpaw? He died. She's really sad. She thinks Tigerclaw killed him."

------

Smudge: "Scourge! Fireheart is all healed up, and she's got an apprentice! I think his names Brackenpaw? Shy little fella, but he gives her some nice responsibly, and I think she likes teaching him. Nothing new to report...except she asked me and ol' Henry a few questions about a cat named Pinestar or Pine. I guess he up and abandoned his mate and kit a few Seasons back to become a kittypet. Have you heard of him?"

Spoiler for when I actually sit down to write "My guardian angel, Azrael" ahead!

Fireheart is a trans man! He transitions shortly after officially becoming Bluestar's apprentice. This is actually an important plot point because when Scourge smells an unfamiliar tom's scent trail with Cloudkit (Princess's son who is also under his protection) going into the forest he has a MASSIVE freakout and even ends up in a brawl with Fireheart. After realizing this is Rusty, and thoroughly impressed by his growing fighting prowess, he offers him and Cloudkit a place in BloodClan which Fireheart declines.

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

About Me: Favorite Albums

Music isn't something I talk much about here on my blog, mostly because I don't feel like I'm qualified enough to talk about these sorts of things. I know movies like the back of my hand, but I'm definitely not smart enough to dissect what makes music good beyond "I like how it sounds."

But hey, I'm trying to help you get to know me, so here are thirty albums I like the sound of from a variety of artists. My big rule is I have to like at least five songs on any given album for it to qualify. I've listed my top three from each here, so the other two I'll leave to your imaginations (except for my #1 favorite, for which you'll get all of my top 5).

Honorable mentions: Pinkerton - Weezer, Under the Covers, Vol. II - Ninja Sex Party, Montero - Lil Nas X, Poodle Hat - Weird Al, Bad Hair Day - Weird Al, Master of Puppets - Metallica, License to Ill - Beastie Boys, Thriller - Michael Jackson, Purple Rain - Prince, Teenage Dream - Katy Perry, and the so bad it’s good masterpiece Angelic 2 the Core - Corey Feldman. I also didn't include the soundtracks to stage musicals, but the 90s version of Cats and the 80s version of Starlight Express are also some of my favorites.

30. The Hazards of Love - The Decemberists

A tale of a tragic romance told in the form of a concept album, this would almost certainly make the list even if it didn't have some of the best villain songs I've ever heard.

Favorite Songs:

3. “Won’t Want for Love (Margaret in the Taiga)”

2. “The Queen’s Rebuke/The Crossing”

1. “The Rake’s Song”

29. Youthanasia - Megadeth

Quite simply, a fantastic metal album. Not much more to say than that!

Favorite Songs:

3. “Youthanasia”

2. “A Tout le Monde”

1. “Family Tree”

28. In the Court of the Crimson King - King Crimson

Even if it was just the semi-title track that I loved, this album would probably make the list. It's prog rock perfection.

Favorite Songs:

3. "Moonchild"

2. "21st Century Schizoid Man"

1. "The Court of the Crimson King"

27. Saturday Night Fever - Various Artists

The Bee Gees obviously are the stars of the show on this soundtrack album, but it also has one of my favorite things: Disco remixes of classical music.

Favorite Songs:

3. “A Fifth of Beethoven”

2. “Night on Disco Mountain”

1. “Stayin’ Alive”

26. The Marshal Mathers LP 2 - Eminem

While the original album is a classic in its own right and nothing on this one is as immediately iconic as "The Real Slim Shady" or "Stan," I do think that this older, more mature Eminem reflecting back on his career and flexing his skills is overall the better package. This was a real comeback for him, after multiple less-than-impressive comebacks, and it is glorious.

Favorite Songs:

3. “Love Game”

2. “The Monster”

1. “So Far…”

25. McCartney II - Paul McCartney

This is what happens when you let a beloved rock star get really weird. It’s so experimental and quirky; only a Beatle could get this bizarre.

Favorite Songs:

3. “Frozen Jap”

2. “Coming Up”

1. “Temporary Secretary”

24. Painkiller - Judas Priest

One of those rare times where the songs on a metal album are actually, genuinely as fucking awesome as the album cover art.

Favorite Songs:

3. “Night Crawler”

2. “Painkiller”

1. “A Touch of Evil”

23. Songs for the Deaf - Queens of the Stone Age

With the assistance of Dave Grohl, Queens of the Stone Age really put their best foot forward for their breakout album. As hard as most of the tracks go, my absolute favorite is the eerier, slower hidden track about cannibalism.

Favorite Songs:

3. “You Think I Ain’t Worth a Dollar, But I Feel Like a Millionaire”

2. “First It Giveth”

1. “Mosquito Song”

22. Crash Twinsanity - Spiralmouth

The day I found out this entire soundtrack was a capella, my mind was blown. You mean to tell me this whole album is just mouth noises? It really does have the Crash vibe down.

Favorite Songs:

3. “Worm Chase”

2. “Rusty Walrus Chase”

1. “The Evil Twins”

21. Awesome Mix Vol. 2 - Various Artists

Every Guardians movie soundtrack is great, but out of the three it’s the second movie’s soundtrack that reigns supreme. It kicks off with ELO, scores the climactic final battle with Fleetwood Mac, and features a groovy disco remix of the Guardians theme music with vocals provided by David Hasselhoff over the credits. It’s all killer, no filler.

Favorite Songs:

3. “Guardians Inferno”

2. “Mr. Blue Sky”

1. “The Chain”

20. Mouth Dreams - Neil Cicierega

The way the songs flow into each other, the subtle jokes scattered throughout… Really, the only thing holding this back is some songs are just a bit too weak to justify bumping it above its predecessor.

Favorite Songs:

3. “Closerflies”

2. “Ribs”

1. “Fredhammer”

19. Mouth Moods - Neil Cicierega

From fantastic mashups that combine a dozen songs into one coherent whole to remixes that alter a single song and completely warp the premise to the point of absurdity, this is absolutely the highest point of the Mouth series.

Favorite Songs:

3. “Annoyed Grunt”

2. “Shit”

1. “Wow Wow”

18. Ten - Pearl Jam

Homelessness. Suicide. Incest. Murder. This might be one of the single darkest albums of the grunge era, and it firmly cemented Pearl Jam as a force to be reckoned with. Eddie Vedder’s unique vocals really are what makes these songs stand out from the crowd.

Favorite Songs:

3. “Alive”

2. “Jeremy”

1. “Even Flow”

17. The Symbol Remains - Blue Öyster Cult

You wouldn’t think a 70s rock band that loves singing about weird occult stuff could drop anything good five decades into their career, but BOC ain’t any old rock band. Only they could take a silly, memetic concept like the stereotypical “Florida Man” and turn it into a song that has enough weird and mystic vibes that it can easily sit alongside songs about aliens, eldritch horrors, vampires, and zombie Joan Crawford in their discography.

Favorite Songs:

3. “Tainted Blood”

2. “Florida Man”

1. “Box in My Head”

16. Impera - Ghost

One of Ghost's most solid albums to date. It has a few low points ("Twenties") but the highs are so high they easily eclipse those few lesser tracks.

Favorite Songs:

3. “Spillways”

2. “Hunter’s Moon”

1. “Call Me Little Sunshine”

15. The Presidents of the United States of America – The Presidents of the United States of America

I have very fond memories of listening to this in the car growing up. It’s such a charming piece of 90s rock, with the band foretelling their ultimate fate with the track “We Are Not Going To Make It.” Oh well, they manage to make it onto this list at least.

Favorite Songs:

3. “Kitty”

2. “Lump”

1. “Peaches”

14. Born This Way – Lady Gaga

Lady Gaga has fallen from the lofty heights she once stood upon, not quite being as massive as her heyday... But with an album that gets you this high, there's really nowhere to go but down. This album has a song for everyone, and for someone with taste as weird as my own, it had a load of great tracks.

Favorite Songs:

3. “Bad Kids”

2. “Bloody Mary”

1. “Judas”

13. In Utero - Nirvana

You can definitely tell that Nevermind was a more polished, commercial album when you listen to this one. The songs here are so much more raw than on their more famous album, with so much more bite to them. It can be a bit off-putting for sure, but this is definitely the short-lived band's best work (if not my favorite).

Favorite Songs:

3. “Dumb”

2. “Rape Me”

1. “Pennyroyal Tea”

12. Undertale Soundtrack – Toby Fox

Easily my favorite instrumental soundtrack of all time—and considering all the fantastic game soundtracks I’ve heard in my time, this is saying something. Every single track is a fantastic and fitting tune for wherever they’re used in-game, and even if my favorite track is the obvious pick, even I’ll admit that it’s not the best one (that would probably be #2).

Favorite Songs:

3. “Death By Glamour”

2. “Battle Against a True Hero”

1. “Megalovania”

11. Metal Gear Rising Soundtrack – Various artists

A game as insane and metal as Rising needs a soundtrack to match, and to say this one delivered is an understatement. Every song is one of the most badass things you will ever hear, with a good chunk of them elaborating on the motivations and personalities of the bosses. It says a lot that the weakest song is Blade Wolf's, and even that's just "okay" as opposed to "awful."

Favorite Songs:

3. “Red Sun”

2. “A Stranger I Remain”

1. “It Has to be This Way”

10. Seven Inches of Satanic Panic - Ghost

I don’t think this is better than their full albums, but I definitely think this is one of the best musical one-two punches I’ve ever heard. “Mary on a Cross” and “Kiss the Go-Goat” are two of Ghost’s finest songs, and this is where they came from

9. I Get Wet – Andrew W.K.

In the proud tradition of AC/DC, pretty much every song on this album sounds the same—and none of the songs rock any less for it. It’s a collection of awesomely stupid anthems about partying, hot girls, and NYC that goes harder than it has any need to.

Favorite Songs:

3. “Ready to Die”

2. “She is Beautiful”

1. “I Get Wet”

8. Running With Scissors – Weird Al

This was a big turning point in Al’s career—it’s when he debuted his new look, sans glasses and with his hair grown out—and for me at least it’s the album where I feel like he put all the lessons he learned over the 90s to good use. It’s true that there’s a few lines that haven’t aged well but the overall package is strong enough that it overshadows the blemishes. It has his strongest “movie recap” parody song, his best polka medley, and his funniest and most iconic epic-length song; how can it not make my top ten?

Favorite Songs:

3. “The Saga Begins”

2. “Polka Power!”

1. “Albuquerque”

7. Doolittle - Pixies

It’s genuinely tough picking between this and Surfer Rosa, but when it comes right down to it Doolittle is the one that has more tracks I like. I don’t think anything here is quite as good as “Where is My Mind?” from the latter album, but that album doesn’t have “Mr. Grieves” on it.

Favorite Songs:

3. “Here Comes Your Man”

2. “Wave of Mutilation”

1. “Monkey Gone to Heaven”

6. Invisible Touch - Genesis

I think Invisible Touch is Genesis’s undisputed masterpiece. It's an epic meditation on intangibility. At the same time, it deepens and enriches the meaning of the preceding three albums. Listen to the brilliant ensemble playing of Banks, Collins and Rutherford. You can practically hear every nuance of every instrument. In terms of lyrical craftsmanship, the sheer songwriting, this album hits a new peak of professionalism. Take the lyrics to “Land of Confusion.” In this song, Phil Collins addresses the problems of abusive political authority. “In Too Deep” is the most moving pop song of the 1980s, about monogamy and commitment. The song is extremely uplifting. Their lyrics are as positive and affirmative as anything I’ve heard in rock.

Favorite Songs:

3. “Domino”

2. “Land of Confusion”

1. “Invisible Touch”

5. Mandatory Fun – Weird Al

As of 2023 this is Al’s last album, and if he never makes another it’s hard to argue that he didn’t go out on top. The style parodies are some of his best ever, the polka medley is fantastic, and the parodies here are all leagues better than the songs they’re spoofing. “Foil” in particular is worth singling g out for being a hilarious subversion of the stereotypical food-related parodies Al was known for back in the day.

Favorite Songs:

3. “Foil”

2. “Handy”

1. “Jackson Park Express”

4. ABBA Gold - ABBA

Is it cheating to put a greatest hits compilation on this list? Well, since it's my list, the answer is no! An album like this is all bangers, no filler, every song I love in one place one after the other. The omission of “Tiger” is the only flaw.

3. Nevermind - Nirvana

It's pretty inarguable that this is a more polished and commercial grunge album than In Utero, but no matter what Kurt or the other band members say this is still one of the best albums ever made. My only gripe with it is that the song that gets the most attention, "Smells Like Teen Spirit," overshadows a lot of songs better than it. "In Bloom" is the best track in my opinion, with its lyrics abut fans with zero media literacy still very relevant even to this day.

Favorite Songs:

3. “Polly”

2. “Come as You Are”

1. “In Bloom”

2. The Number of the Beast – Iron Maiden

From the band with the greatest album covers of all time comes a metal album featuring the hard rock version of "Roxanne," an epic seven minute track, and the greatest song condemning the actions of colonizers. Oh, and the title track is pretty awesome too. Considering how lukewarm the first two albums are, this might be one of the greatest glow ups in metal history, going from a decent but not spectacular act to one of the greatest bands of all time.

Favorite Songs:

3. “22 Acacia Avenue”

2. “Hallowed be Thy Name”

1. “Run to the Hills”

1. Spirit Phone – Lemon Demon

Maybe I'm just a basic bitch for calling this my favorite album ever, but the fact of the matter is that this whole album is basically tailor made for my interests. Songs about conspiracy theories? Songs about urban legends like Gef and Polybius? Songs that make fun of Reaganomics? I genuinely could not imagine a better set of songs than this if I tried.

Favorite Songs:

5. “Reaganomics”

4. “Touch-Tone Telephone”

3. “When He Died”

2. “Sweet Bod”

1. “Cabinet Man”