#rushed this out while working on a storyboard that is

[lo1k-diamonds]

Closer 💜

SX Seoul Series | Namjoon's Entry

PAIRING: Namjoon x Reader (You can also read it on AO3)

SUMMARY: Namjoon and you were friends for years — he was your confidant, protector, and haven. You didn’t want to risk it, no matter what, but some things can’t be kept in the dark.

WORD COUNT: 8.2k

GENRE: friends to lovers, smut (it's lovemaking tbh)

RATING: R (explicit)

WARNINGS: reader is shy and introverted, mentions of anxiety, being in the dark in an agitated crowd (reader is safe w/ NJ), fear of losing a friendship, porn w/ plot (lovemaking, or my version of it), unprotected sex (wrap it up), dry humping, riding, they're both shy and idiots in love but they make it 💜

A.N. Is this a slow burn? Am I searingly slowly taking you all on the journey that is kissing and feeling Kim Namjoon? Some could say there was no need to describe it in such detail. They would be wrong 💜 (Thank you @eerieedits for the cool banner 💜)

Masterlist | Masterpost | Scroll my stories on Tumblr | Schedule and WIPs

Someone called your name and you looked up.

“Come on! Don’t fall behind!”

You gasped mutely and rushed in between the ever-growing crowd to join your friends and coworkers atop the stairs. The line wasn’t too big tonight but you still preferred to stay close to them ��� no way you wanted to be left alone in a bar street in Itaewon in the middle of the night. You pressed your hands nervously, looking around while your friends laughed about something you didn’t hear. No, you didn’t want that. There could be weird people and drunk people, and you were the designated driver anyway—

“Hey!” 

You blinked at Juhyun through your eyeglasses with big wide brown eyes like a deer caught in headlights.

“Come along!” She sighed, extending her hand so you’d grab it, and you did with relief.

You gave your coat at the reception with a polite head bow, following closely after everyone. The noise hit your ribcage with the force of an alarm, making you grin with gritted teeth but you took a deep breath and hurried along. It wasn’t like you never went out, or had never been there before. SX Seoul had become the preferred club of people working in the industry, and so you found yourself with a vibrating ribcage and sweaty hands every once in a while. However, you did get anxious in crowded loud places like bars and clubs. An elbow sank into your side as you followed after Juhyun and despite the person’s apology and head bow, which you returned, you smiled with a hint of tiredness. The night had just begun.

You got set on the couches, saying hi to everyone you knew who was already there, and smoothly offered to help everyone get drinks. That was an easy way for you to get an alcohol-free drink early on and successfully avoid being offered drinks for a long while.

“Look who’s DJing tonight!”

You had sat near Juhyun after handing her a drink and smiled happily, engaging in light conversation.

“Didn’t you write his breakout music video?”

“Yeah, I did!” 

You smiled politely, a warm fuzzy feeling settling in your stomach — you might have not liked the constant background house beat that had you all screaming to be heard, but you did feel proud of your work. Of every concept you had written, every storyboard you had designed, and every screening you helped with that led you to where you were now — in a creative atmosphere surrounded by like-minded people who just wanted to bring joy and artistry to the world.

As the night continued, you were more and more comfortable, surrounded by people you knew. You didn’t think it could get better, but as soon as Namjoon arrived, you grinned from ear to ear and chuckled at your silliness.

“Hi everyone!” You instantly scooted over and made space for him to sit beside you and join in the conversation, yet as you tried to keep up, he leaned in, “Driving?”

You turned to him and smiled sheepishly, something he returned with a sweetness of his own. You had been friends forever; he knew the answer to his own question.

“Your hair,” he added. 

You blinked then felt for it over your shoulders and chest, trying to see in between psychedelic blinding lights if something had happened to it or something. 

“No! Just— It’s loose!”

You blinked again, pressing your eyeglasses up the bridge of your nose, “Well, yeah.”

He smirked briefly, looking down before facing you again with a gentle puff, “It looks good!”

Your lashes batted once before someone asked for his attention, and just in time. You could feel the heat spreading from your chest to your cheeks and turned to sip at your drink seemingly absentmindedly.

He noticed? You didn’t know why it surprised you so much; Namjoon was an attentive friend. Caring too, he always noticed when something was going wrong or a project was difficult. He always offered to help you out, and you did the same. You had that kind of relationship — friendly and supportive. Of course, that didn’t mean he had to notice your hairstyle for tonight. You had just let go of your usual braids for something more casual — just loose over your shoulders. And now there you were, playing with the long hair locks over your chest like your heart wasn’t fluttering at the simplest interaction.

“Hey! Let’s dance!”

You nodded at Juhyun and got up with a smile that crumbled just a little when Namjoon got up too. He scratched the back of his neck, sheepishly smiling at you and Juhyun.

“You don’t mind if I join you, right?”

“Of course not!”

She had answered for you because yet again you were pressing your lips. Namjoon wasn’t half as bad a dancer as he thought he was and you had all danced together before. Had you blushed then as you did now? You wondered as you beelined to the center of the dancefloor; you couldn’t remember. In the end, it didn’t matter. You smiled as you turned to Namjoon in that circle of people just randomly facing each other in turns. It didn’t have to be anything much, you were just having fun. All of you. It was absolutely fine.

He grabbed your hand and wiggled it for you to pivot and move around and you just laughed and did as told because it was fun. And not a big deal if he didn’t do it to the others, they were busy shouting in each other’s ears anyway.

You felt light and didn’t think it could get better than this when all of a sudden everything became pitch black. The music shut down and suddenly all you could hear was your ears ringing annoyingly and people either shouting or wondering a bit louder than usual about what was going on. It took you a couple of seconds to realize that it couldn’t be normal for a club to just abruptly shut down like that, and it was enough for your anxiety to instantly spike and sting your chest. Yet a pair of arms circled you lightening fast, pressing you safely to a firm chest.

Your cheeks were squished against his pectorals and you could hear a heart racing equally to yours under your ear. A question never formed itself, you knew exactly who was hugging you. It was safe now. You hugged him back and closed your eyes, using his body like an anchor to keep your anxiety from releasing you into the rowdy sea.

Namjoon could hear people getting agitated all around you two, making him squeeze you harder against him. People got nervous in situations like those. They could start running for the exit, pushing and stepping over people without a care if the panic was big enough. And as the absence of music and light continued, mere seconds felt like minutes cracking under the pressure as people became agitated.

He knew crowded places made you anxious. That was how you justified the way he was pressing his lips to the top of your head. It made your already racing heart jump with a foreign feeling, which mixed with his musky cologne had you sweating and not out of nervousness.

A louder shout not so far from you startled you into pressing your fingertips into his lower back and he immediately hugged you tighter. His lips brushed the top of your head again but the agitation around you was too loud, making it impossible to discern what he had said. Yet, regardless, you were safe. You could feel people shifting around you, voices becoming louder, and the occasional glimpse from people's phones. A wave of appreciation and gratitude flooded you, flowing over your anxiety and you unglued your cheek from his shirt to tell him.

His lips pressed lightly atop your cheekbone and your breath caught. His nose had tapped against your eyeglasses and you instinctively squinted though you couldn’t see. None of it bothered you though, on the contrary. Your lips parted in surprise, his thumb dragging across your jawline as if to make sure of where you were in the dark.

You forgot about the world around you. You were suspended in the air, in a trance, waiting for what would happen next, and it happened unexpectedly. His forehead touched yours and you closed your eyes, letting him cradle you sweetly. Little did he know that you could feel no anxiousness now, you were a blank page waiting to be written on.

Or maybe he knew. He didn’t force your chin but he did mutter something while his lips brushed your jawline, and you turned your head. Curiosity, it was all it was. Because you hadn’t heard him, but as your skins brushed, your lips caught the subtle hint of something plush and wet for the tiniest of moments.

You became dizzy and gripped his shirt at the end of his back. Was that what you thought it was? Was that—?

All it took was a millimeter for him to give you the hint that you took without hesitation. His lips pressed to the corner of your mouth and you sighed, eyes scrunching with the tension inside your chest. You were no mind and all instinct when you parted your lips further to get more, just a bit more. All you were ready to do was react, so when it felt like he was about to break away, you closed in.

You were incredibly aware of everything that involved Namjoon. The way his long fingers supported your jawline with a feather-like touch, his short hair falling just above his eyes tickling you where it got to your skin around your eyeglasses, the softest touch of his plush lips as even his breath eased, the gentlest breeze caressing your face whenever you tentatively parted and rejoined like waves kissing the shore.

You were aware of everything, and yet when the lights and music came back on, you were helpless. Namjoon straightened up to look around, trying to figure out what was going on, while you were just looking up at him, gripping him still, trying to figure things out on your own. What was that? What—

“Are you okay?” Juhyun asked right behind you and you jumped in place, startled. You let go of Namjoon, and it was he who answered.

“Yeah, we stayed cool. Are you?”

“Yeah, they pushed around a bit though, geez,” she complained, running a hand through her hair. “What do you think happened?”

“Good question, I don’t know.”

You didn’t hear anything anymore, you were just staring up at him as he talked. Good question. You had no idea either. What happened? Did you really just kiss—

“Listen, if you’re bummed out, that’s okay,” Juhyun shouted above the music, pressing your arm gently. She looked concerned and you tried a smile.

You could guess you looked as befuddled as you felt, “Yeah, I kind of— But I’m your driver!” You shouted instead, remembering your responsibility with a firm shake of your head.

“It’s okay, we’ll catch a taxi!” She shouted with a nod. She knew you were usually anxious; something unnerving like that was surely too much for you. “I’m just worried about you going alone!”

“I’ll go with her,” Namjoon nodded, unwavering, and before you got to say something, Juhyun agreed.

“Take care, text me when you’re home,” she asked you, squeezing your hand once.

You were frowning, about to suggest staying a bit more so you could take her home too when a firmer hand replaced hers. Namjoon returned your gaze, said a quick goodbye with a wave to everyone else, and then pulled you behind him as he made your way out.

Your mind slowly got back on track with every step you took. His hand was firmly wrapped around yours, and despite his wide shoulders in front of you, sheltering you from the chaos, your anxiety guided your thoughts back to the surface with a forced gasp.

What were you doing? Maybe this would turn awkward. You and Namjoon had been good friends for years, you had always counted on him. Maybe that was a mistake, maybe he would be uncomfortable around you now. You didn’t want things to change, you didn’t want to lose his joyful grins, relaxing bicycle rides, and long quiet reading sessions back at his place.

You bowed as you took your coat at the reception and put it on before stepping out into the cold. He was no longer holding your hand, which was holding the coat’s collar to your neck instead. You swallowed and looked down, freezing atop the stairs while you ran by the options and he stepped down ahead of you. You don’t have to leave earlier because of me. I can get home safely by myself. I’m sorry if that was awkward, I—

“Where’s your car?”

You sucked in a breath and told him before turning to walk intently as quickly as possible. The cold was rough on your cheeks, despite the big round lenses of your eyeglasses. You gritted your teeth not to quiver as you stepped carefully over the slippery sidewalk.

When you got to your car, you got in quickly and turned it on to give it time to warm up a bit. Namjoon had followed you inside in silence and was so quiet that his presence could have been buried under your anxiety.

You brushed your flushed cheeks and tried pulling your long hair free, realizing it was trapped between your blouse and the coat. You were so used to having braids that you forgot you needed to tend to your hair properly whenever you put your coat on and now you were stiff and stuck and—

“Easy,” he rasped, reaching to help you and you froze. You glanced up at him and stayed still as he alleviated the tension of the fabric over your shoulders to gently pull your hair out before leaning to repeat the same action on the other side. By then your eyes had lowered to his hands. The way he was handling your dark threads of hair as if it was the most precious silk, worthy of care and attention. “There.”

Your eyes jumped up in time to see him leaning back, a perfectly blank expression making your chest pang in nervousness. You were overthinking again.

“Thanks!” You squeaked, clearing your voice immediately as you leaned forward to reach the GPS screen, “Now, to Joonie’s…”

The drive was easier than you thought it would be. He commented on the cold, and then on what happened at the bar. He had never seen something like that at a bar, only at festivals or concerts. He wondered if the whole street had a power outage or if it was just that room. You mused that if it had been more than just the room, you’d surely hear about it in the news. 

And just like that the car became quiet. Seoul always had traffic, even at 2:52 AM, it was nothing new. So while you comfortably focused on taking him home safely, your thoughts wandered elsewhere.

His lips were the softest thing you had ever touched in your life. Just the delicateness with which you had kissed, you didn’t think you had it in you. Weren’t kisses supposed to be messy? Powerful and passionate? Then how had you touched the pillowy clouds above?

Just remembering it had your guts burning in excitement, and you pressed your lips. Were you making any sense? But you had really done that; hiddenly in the dark, yes, but really. You had acted on your instinct for the first time and gotten a glimpse of the sky. 

You wondered why now. Your friendship was old and comfortable, and he had always been a gentleman, protective but never overbearing. You thought he saw you as a colleague initially and then a friend with similar tastes. You pressed your lips right as you stopped the car in front of his apartment building. One glance at him and you knew that was the same old Namjoon you were used to. Maybe you had dreamed it. Maybe it was supposed to stay a dream.

“Would you like to come up?”

Your eyes jumped and widened, the shock as evident in your expression as a flashing billboard sign.

“I finished the new Murakami,” he continued swiftly, “so you can take it if you want. Or any other book.”

Your lips instantly twitched into a smile, “You finally finished it, then.”

He smirked as you turned off the engine and reached to get your bag, “Finally. You know how I am with his books.”

You nodded and got out of the car, the negative temperature clashing with your blushing cheeks. Yet you only smiled, locked the car, and teased him while you both went inside. Even the ride up the elevator was lighter; you two were back to your eased friendship where you got to poke fun at his annoyance with the repetitiveness of Murakami’s plotlines while enjoying every other detailed introspection he had to offer.

So when you passed the threshold of his apartment, you were as always. You both got your shoes off, though you kept your coat because you weren’t going to stay long. He offered you a drink despite you insisting that it was a quick visit, and as he disappeared into the kitchen to see what he could offer, you beelined to his reading corner.

That space always brought a smile to your face and comfort to your heart. That corner of the living room had a bookshelf from floor to ceiling separated by squared compartments that combined books and small plant pots in a myriad of colors. His most cherished one, however, was the bonsai on the small table next to the gray reading chair and ottoman. He'd let you take up the chair whenever you would read or work at his place, with him preferring the couch so he could stretch his legs more comfortably. You preferred the reading chair because the setting was a mood changer for you and you could use the different shelves to place your open books, especially when designing or writing ideas. Each square was organized in a particular way: some by authors, others by category, or type of work.

“I don’t have much,” you could hear him returning to you. “But I can make tea.”

You shook your head while you crouched, taking a look at your favorite section, “It’s okay, I won’t stay long. Where’s the Murakami?”

“Right here,” his voice sounded from above your head, and you glanced up to see him towering over you, reaching for the book lying by the ledge on the appropriate shelf. He eyed you and you smirked, pushing your eyeglasses up your nose bridge before looking back down. The corners of his lips twitched as he gripped the book inside his hands; he knew you were just happily skimming through your favorite shelf, and that wasn’t the issue. You weren’t the issue, you were— He took a deep shaky breath, “Oh, right, I have another one.”

He placed the Murakami book on the small table and left your side in the direction of his bedroom, you noticed. You pressed your lips and got up, grabbing the book he was holding just now. Blood was rushing to your cheeks and you took a short breath to ease yourself. You were there just to grab that book. You were alone at Namjoon’s, and that had happened hundreds of times before. Not that you had ever kissed before, but you could be cool. It was in the dark anyway. Conceptually, if you were thinking of the outline of a music video, that meant it was a secret. You could keep a secret. You could pretend it never happened.

Overhearing his steps pulled you from the depths of your thoughts to check what he had in his hands.

“Here,” he grinned, showing it to you. 

It was a book and you gasped before you grabbed it. The cover had the digital drawing of a little girl on her bed, not lying down, but facing the wall behind her that had become an ocean with sparkling rays floating above. The title read, ‘Windows to Worlds: The Art of Devin Elle Kurtz’. You thought the name rang a bell as you opened and skimmed through it. 

“I thought of you,” he smiled, dimples sinking sweetly into his cheeks at your interested demeanor.

“Woah, her use of color and lighting looks absolutely astounding,” you breathed, alternating between gasping and stopping your breath altogether with each new page.

“I’m glad you like it.”

“But why did you get it?” You finally caught up, looking up at him. “Because I was struggling with lighting?”

Your tone was appreciative and almost savvy as if you knew you had guessed his intent correctly. Yet he shook his head once, “Because of the braids.”

You lowered your eyes to the cover again and indeed, the little girl had two braids, much like you usually sported. You smiled, “Do you think she has eyeglasses too?”

“Maybe,” he acceded, nodding with ease.

You looked back down at the cover — the girl had her palms against the glass as if she was staring into a new magical world. It brought warmth to your chest. Not just because it was beautiful or because it was going to help you, but because Namjoon saw some of it in you.

You pressed the books to your chest, facing him to thank him when your smile fell. His expression had lost some of its casualness and you were immediately flooded with apprehension.

“Are we going to talk about it?”

His tone was so gentle it brought tears to your eyes. It was Namjoon. All of it, all of your doubts and anxiety were about one of the most important people in your life. Who cared how you might have felt; you absolutely could not jeopardize your friendship.

“I’m sorry,” you breathed so sincerely your voice shook.

“Oh.”

“I… It was…”

Your gaze was on the floor around his feet on the white carpet as you tried to find words. You half expected him to move or make things less awkward with his spirited humor, but he waited.

So you said what came to mind, “An accident. Right? It was an accident,” you repeated, ignoring the heat making your eyeglasses fog ever so slightly. “It was dark and…”

You sucked in a breath and pushed your eyeglasses up your nose bridge to soothe yourself, and froze when he nodded slowly.

“I… can’t call it an accident.”

Your eyes widened impossibly, “But— But then— I mean,” you blinked, “that would mean…”

You were just stammering and he smiled, “Yes. I don’t just— I wouldn’t just—” He smirked, scratching the back of his head, “I’d be lying if I said—”

His voice got caught inside his throat. You were looking up at him with eyes so big he feared they’d pop or something. He thought he was ready to talk about it and get it out in the open but— Were you even breathing?

“You know what? Never mind,” he shrugged, with a smile that pressed his plush lips too thin.

Your eyes widened even more, “No—” You almost choked from your impulse and instinctively stepped back, and everything went dark.

You held your breath as if you had been caught in a trap. You could have been back at the club, but there was no crowd, no fear, and no pressure. There was light still shining from his bedroom, reassuringly outlining his silhouette. You were safe, just like then. And it formed the words out of your mouth.

“I can't call it an accident either,” you confessed, and instantly your shoulders relaxed. He didn’t move and you couldn’t see him, but you knew him. You knew of his presence and the way he would never judge or hurt you. “I kissed you back.”

The silence continued between you but you found comfort in it. It was as though you had time to process, to put yourself back in your shoes moments earlier when exactly like that, in the dark, you let something from deep within surface.

“I was… curious,” you voiced quietly.

“Curious?”

“What would you… feel like? How would you…” you were getting lost and closed your eyes. You could almost feel him again, his warmth, his scent, the firmness of his arms around you, helping you levitate safely into the clouds. Your eyes opened at the sound of a footstep and you instantly flushed, “I mean, I— I’m sorry, I—”

“No, don't say sorry.” His outline drew closer until he stopped right in front of you. “You were curious about that?”

“Yes.”

“And?”

Why was your heart racing so fast? You were so hot that you knew for a fact your eyeglasses were fogging, despite not being able to see it. You swallowed and fanned your face a little, self-conscious about your hands becoming sweaty and dirtying the books.

Yet as you tried to calm down, you realized silence was stretching. He was waiting, of course, gentlemanly as he was. And you were embarrassed but in the dark, you also wanted to be brave.

“I liked it.”

You left it there, your sincere answer to his question. Your heart was thrumming wildly but you were not half as nervous as you thought you’d be.

“I liked it too.”

Your breath caught as you looked up despite barely seeing a silhouette. What?

“Would you do it again?”

“Now?” Your voice pitched.

“Yes.”

“Yes?” Your tone was inquisitive, but it was more out of shock that he said yes. You were heating up so much you didn’t think you were processing thoughts logically, and you weren’t. Your head was blank, “Yes.”

It felt like an eternity, but you knew that wasn’t true. You were just too eager to see what happened next, to feel him again and check if your head would be caught spinning as you floated away to the clouds again.

The books in your hands disappeared quickly, only the sound of them hitting the table told you their fate, and not that you cared. His breath was fanning your face and your head instantly fell back, tapping the wall as your lips parted and you waited for what you wanted most.

When it didn’t instantly come, you had no issues soothing his hesitation by guiding his hands to your jaw. You wanted him to know where you were; exactly there, between the wall and his safe embrace, waiting. 

Finally, his breath was so close it fully stopped when your lips locked together in a feather-like touch, and you moved. You pressed yourself closer, brushing his lips so you’d match completely. Your mouth dove into a sweeter taste, fingers tracing up his neck tentatively to grasp that feeling. And he let you, falling in with you, leaning into you as far as you’d let him.

Your lips parted in an invitation that he took promptly, leaving a wet trace on your bottom lip before he committed. You sighed into his mouth, gripping his shirt to pull him closer. He could reach into you and all around you; you were falling. There was an expanse behind and all around you and it reminded you of free falling; it was probably what skydiving felt like. Only you weren’t nearing the ground but going further from it. That sky was about to catch you; a sweet, soft, endearing sky about to clasp you affectionately and carry you into a dream.

You only stopped because he pulled back, kissing the tip of your nose before pressing his lips to your cheek. It was when you noticed that you two fit together like puzzle pieces, with your fingers buried in the nape of his neck, his into your lower back, your breaths mixing as your legs intertwined.

His breath was heavy against your warm cheek, “This can stay here. In the dark. If you want.”

You were too far to recognize the concern in his voice, “Is that what you want?”

“No,” his reply was instant, a subtle shake of his head as his lips dragged over your heated skin. “No, I'm curious about way more than this.”

You opened your eyes, eager to see in him what he meant, but the darkness hid his expression. It protected you, yes, but now, it made you uneasy. There was a moment when it had soothed your fears, maybe even made you brave, but now it was enough.

“Would turning the light on bother you?”

You felt his smile before he pulled away, “Not at all.”

His hands were still supporting your waist as you felt the wall behind you until you flipped the switch. You shut your eyes instantly with a grimace and knew he had done the same.

“Sorry,” you whispered.

You couldn’t see it, but he smirked, “I told you you could.”

His eyes opened first, eager to bypass the sudden sensibility so he could look at you as soon as possible. Your eyes and nose were still scrunched, your eyeglasses had fallen lower on your nose than you liked normally, and the top of your cheeks was beautifully blushed. He didn’t resist cupping your cheek to brush his thumb over the red hue and your eyes opened, looking up at him over your eyeglasses. You were so close to each other but you couldn’t look or move away.

“You’re so beautiful,” he breathed, eyes set on yours as if he were seeing stars.

“How can you see anything, we’re so close,” you whined with a huff.

He chuckled, “Yeah?”

You pouted; your eyeglasses were falling down your nose bridge again, and he grinned. He was so unbelievably happy right now, and as you pressed the eyeglasses further up, he wished it would never end.

“Is it…” you were quiet, “better like this?”

“Much better,” he assured confidently, looking into your eyes intently. 

Every time you blinked, wherever you glanced, he kept his cool and tried holding his fear in check — what if you suddenly pushed him away, became uneasy, or regretted this? 

Yet your eyes fixed on his as your hand returned gently to the side of his neck, “You said… you’re curious about more?”

He couldn’t breathe, “Yes.”

“What… does that mean?”

Your voice was a thread and he swore he became dizzy, “You. I—” His lips twitched as he found words, “I want to be with you.”

He settled on that simple fact and shushed his racing heart. It was too soon to confess how long he had been thinking about this, how far he had fallen, and how deeply sure he was that there was no one else he wanted. Nowhere else he wanted to go, no other person who could be home, no other soul he wanted to share his time with. Shit, this was not the time for a love confession.

“Not in the dark,” you mused, thinking back. “But here,” you searched his eyes with a light line between your eyebrows. “Do you want that? To be… a moment of—”

“No,” he interrupted firmly, making sure that every point you touched each other conveyed that. “I want more than a moment, than one night, than a place, than— No,” he breathed. “I want so much more.”

You weren’t sure there was any reaction you could have given because you were floating again. His arms were around you, his mouth speaking words you had long wished to hear, and you waited. It felt like the right thing to do; you just waited for him to become so much more.

“And you?” He asked after waiting to hear your thoughts. “How far would you take this?”

You almost choked with your instant answer, “All the way.”

His eyebrows jumped before his expression scrunched into a rapturous smile, and you filled your chest with air. You needed it, you needed a big deep breath before the dive. When his forehead touched yours, you stayed close, eyes half-hooding, waiting, and ready. You had been ready for a while, all there was left to do now was fly.

You were waiting for his kiss when he grabbed your head, both of you eager and gentle in your grip on the other. His lips were as soft as before but now he was pressing harder, searching for something in the depths of your kiss, and you met him halfway. There was the passion you had thought of before, making your skin pucker as your breathing dragged. It was curious how you were so focused on every little detail of his — his jawline moving under your fingertips, the soft skin at the column of his neck, his wide shoulders where your arms found support to press him closer to you — but had no actual thoughts. Every brush of his lips had you sinking further, every lick of his tongue had you immersed until his hands were pulling you to him and barely letting you touch the ground.

When your feet did touch the ground you lost your balance a little and inadvertently fell into him, which had him feeling behind him to make sure he could sit down. Your lips parted and he looked up at you, hands supportive but not pressuring you. He waited for you to decide if you’d follow him or not, and you didn’t hesitate. You raised a knee to his outer thigh and he instantly supported it, helping you to straddle him effortlessly before he leaned back into the reading chair.

You towered over him a little bit and as he hugged you close, you couldn’t help remembering how many times you had sat in that same chair just to read. Now he was there with you, under you, kissing your neck gently, and you kissed his head with the excitement bubbling under your skin. This was really happening, you could barely contain yourself.

He pressed you to sit closer to him and you guided him to look up just so you could dive into his kiss again. His skin was so soft, his touch so gentle as he let you steer your mouths until your head started spinning. You went deeper with every kiss, and with every sparkle, you became daring. Your fingers laced around his hair, your breaths one and the same as your hips moved on their own accord to fuse you two in any way possible. Your instinct was taking over, regardless of how you ground against him or leaned into him as if it would merge you two together.

You were hot and breathless when you felt a hint of his fingertips brushing the skin at your lower back, and instinctively you pulled back. He looked up at you, instantly wary of mistakenly crossing a line, but in a rustle of clothes, your blouse went up and away, thrown on the floor.

You faced him then, the goosebumps forming on your skin wherever his fingertips brushed your back as you seemed to exude heat. Not even for a moment did you wonder if you were going too far, despite being in a bra only in front of him. Rather you eyed his shirt and pouted, and he got it; in a second it was gone too.

Your lips twitched as you stroked down his neck, over his clavicles, and to his wide shoulders. You knew he’d be perfect, you knew you’d go well beyond liking every inch of him, but reality was far sweeter than your imagination. Before you could lean in and kiss every inch, he beat you to it. His pillowy lips grazed over the expanse of your neck before lowering down your chest and you sank your nails on his shoulders. It was the lightness of his touch, the warmth of his breath contrasting with his tongue as he explored everything until he dared lower. He moved slowly, maybe hesitated, and your hand darting to the back of his head to support him eased him.

He kissed and nuzzled every inch of your chest then settled over your sternum, breathing you in between your breasts just above the center gore. You knew why he stopped, but you were riding the shivers and throbs his every breath drew out of you, and you didn’t want it to stop. You reached behind you and unclasped the bra, letting the straps slide off your arms while you held his gaze. Yes, you wanted to do this. Yes, you wanted him to touch you, to know how he—

His hands over your waist raised to cup your breasts and rub your nipples and you shivered, goosebumps covering you from head to toe. The more he brushed over the hardened tips, the less control you had over a deep whine wanting to escape your lips.

You were biting your lip in this sweet struggle when he glanced up at you before leaning in to take one inside his mouth, and you whined. Your hips bucked over him, drawing closer while your cries grew and expanded with every lick of his tongue. You were grinding hard on him now, unaware of how unruly you were being. Your cries just needed to be heard, your hunger satiated as you searched for friction and wondered why it wasn’t as intense as it should be.

Your chest was wet by the time he parted his mouth from the delicate skin, but you didn’t have time to think about it. His hands gripped your hips to press you closer, and you jumped out of his arms in a mix of outrage and eagerness. 

So that was why you couldn’t feel him properly, you concluded, as you unbuttoned your jeans. Of course, how stupid. At least it was easily fixed.

You only stopped when your clothes hit the floor. His eyes locked with yours and you hesitated. You were totally naked in your eagerness, maybe you were going too fast. But his hands guiding yours to his shoulders before he leaned in to kiss over your tummy made you realize you were being silly. His eyes were glistening, looking up at you before closing to enjoy the taste of your skin, his cheeks were red, and despite his pants, the tent was very visible. 

You wanted to be close so you raised your knee again, and once more he guided you to straddle him. He kissed quickly up your chest before eying your mouth, and you obliged. Kissing him like this was more vulnerable, open, and raw, but you wanted to. His fingertips stroked your sides softly downwards and you sighed into his mouth, gripping him closer. You wanted so much more.

His hands settled atop your hips and it made you whine and wiggle so they would move. It didn’t occur to you to separate your mouths and tell him to touch you; in fact, no thoughts were occurring to you. He seemed to hesitate on where to go while palming your hips, and in the end, it was your hand that guided him to where you wanted him. You froze amidst your kiss, mouth agape as your eyes opened when his fingers skimmed your sex. A shiver ran down your spine, your breath halting as you waited for him. His eyes were set on you, carefully taking in your expression as he dared to brush lower, exploring down your mound, around your hooded clit, and gently over your folds before retracing his steps.

A strangled quiet moan had you closing your eyes to get lost. His fingers were drawing circles over your clit, ever so gently, prodding how to please you without hurting you, and you sank your nails into the back of his neck. You could worship that man now — it was all you knew as you looked at him between half-hooded eyes. Every circle brought a spark, a throb, a buck of your hips until the tension inside you made you jump away from his touch. You kissed him hard then, grabbing his head desperately — you wanted him, not just his hand.

You reached between your bodies to cup his bulge and he choked in your kiss. You pressed harder, too curious to let him breathe or get away, and searched for a way to open his pants, but it was difficult without looking. Fortunately, he understood perfectly what you wanted and got to it.

He raised you off his lap for the single moment it took him to squirm and slide his clothes down his legs before settling you over him again. His skin was burning hot against your inner thighs and as you kissed him, you imagined it was because he wanted you the same way.

You reached again for him and this time there were no barriers. You felt his hard length gently, caressing its soft skin carefully before stroking him against your palm.

He grunted into your cheek; your lips had parted so you both could focus on those new sensations. Something wet was making it easier to stroke him and press the head gently, with every movement earning you something, whether a groan, a sigh, a twitch of his fingers over your hips, or more precum.

You loved seeing and hearing every reaction, but you didn’t want to wait. You were tense and overheating, and that hard cock in your hand belonged somewhere else.

You moved on your knees to straddle him closer, positioning yourself with nothing but the intention to feel him, but you paused. Before the sight of the pink swollen tip at your entrance could steal your logic, you looked at him with an implied question. He nodded with glistening eyes, hands gripping a bit more of your ass to convey just how much he wanted this. And so you leaned to touch your foreheads before you guided him inside you.

You were unbelievably wet but still, it took a moment for him to become coated enough to slide in without any attrition. It felt like a trial and error; every time you tried sitting lower, there was resistance, and so you raised yourself and tried again. And again and again, with his fingers sinking into your skin as he hid his scrunched-up expression. Your eyebrows were knitted too, especially when he hit a particular spot, and soon he bottomed out.

You wiggled a little to make room, your tension gripping him inside you so hard that both of you groaned. You bucked your hips over him and sighed before reaching back, taking support on his legs. The hunger in his glistening eyes as he observed you taking your pleasure from him was like straight out of a dream, except he was really there, stretching you to the edge, bubbling a tension up your spine so good you knew you wouldn’t last a minute.

So you leaned forward again, palming the expanse of his chest as you let the fluttering subside for a bit. A smile bloomed on your lips as he reached to kiss your skin, supporting you closely while he grazed up your neck. Yet as it had blossomed, your smile faded when your eyebrows knitted further and your pleasure sunk in your gut. He had taken a firmer grip of you and used his leverage to thrust his hips up and into you, successfully crumbling whatever excuse of a restraint you had.

You moaned unreservedly and as he pulled away to face you without relenting, you met him with glistening eyes. It wasn’t a betrayal but because of him, you couldn’t hold back. He understood; he told you with a nod as he tried keeping the rhythm steady for you. So you hugged him to you and let the pleasure spike once, twice, until a moan burst out of you with the knot in your lower gut releasing the tension.

However long it lasted, it was long. It left you powerless and radiating heat like a furnace, only he was even hotter than you. He was sweaty under your arms and legs as you embraced him, and it mixed with your wetness and cum, but you didn’t care.

He waited for you to pull away and kiss his humid forehead before he asked, “Can I take you to bed?”

“Yes,” you sighed, still up high in your haze.

He could tell how languid you were so he picked you up carefully, hugging your legs around his waist and supporting your lower back. His heart was racing as he carried you, not because he was afraid of dropping you — no way in hell that would ever happen — but because this was really happening. He was really carrying your naked body across his apartment, your sweaty bodies pressed together after you reached your pleasure in his arms only for him to take you to bed and continue to show you how much he cared for you. He sighted the bed when your limbs squeezed him more firmly and he smiled from ear to ear. It was like carrying a koala bear who didn’t want to let go of him, and he loved that.

He sat on the bed with you on his lap before carefully supporting your back so he could lay you down gently while hovering over you and you finally blinked. 

Your senses were coming back; Namjoon was over you, caging you between his biceps while your legs laced around him. He was inside you, and even if you had forgotten, he reminded you when he moved tentatively. Your eyes were set on his, and that was how you saw the concern crossing them, and you blinked again. You and him were connected like you had only ever dreamed, and it was good. You reached to cup his cheeks and guide his mouth to yours; you wanted him to know that. That you knew what you were doing, with whom, and how, and your heart was completely in it.

If he wasn’t kissing your lips, then he was pecking the tip of your nose, grazing your cheeks, or brushing down the column of your neck as his hips gained speed. You raised yours to feel him as deep as possible, and as you held onto him, you let the emotions flood you. The safety of his arms, the completeness as he filled up all the gaps, the nurture of every tender kiss, the shared warmth, tension, and torture of your bodies rocking together. You were meshed inextricably in an ascent that you had never dared to imagine, and you grabbed him even harder, in case the intensity had you floating away.

Your voice had a life of its own; every time he sank further into you, your soul expanded. Every time he buried himself inside you, your moan released into his ear, and over and over again as he hid in your neck, revering you in all the ways he could.

“You feel so good,” he rasped against your throat, and against all odds you heard it in between moans. Maybe because he was slowing down. He pulled away to face you so closely you saw him blurred despite your eyeglasses, “I don't want it to end.”

Your eyes widened and watered but no words came out in time; he pressed your lips sweetly and you buried your fingers in his hair, feeling your heart swelling with every beat. He restarted his hips, guided by your legs pressing him into you, and you thought that nothing else mattered than him knowing. You also didn’t want it to end, you wanted to stay with him forever, linked, safe, accepted, hidden from anything that wasn’t blissful peace, and happiness.

His hips snapping into yours brought groans, moans, and whines out of the both of you, with wet sloppy sounds echoing in the bedroom along with the slaps of skins colliding. It became fast, forcing you to wrap your limbs around him firmly to never miss any sensation he could give you until you tensed unbelievably.

You surrendered to your climax immediately, letting it wash over you as you throbbed and reveled in scream-inducing spasms. He grunted and swore into your neck, but to your surprise, he didn’t come with you. On the contrary, suddenly you could feel his intent to pull out so you crossed your legs behind him and searched for his ear so you could tell him, “Inside me. Stay inside me.”

He groaned and you rocked with him, keen on extending both your pleasure as much as possible when he twitched inside you. You closed your eyes and his lips immediately caught yours. He kissed you with every peak, groaning into your mouth at every turn, making you shudder.

He stilled and you kept petting his damp hair at the back of his head, slowly waiting for both your hearts to calm down. You couldn’t believe what just happened yet at the same time it was as natural as breathing.

Finally, he moved from the crook of your neck and faced you. A single drop of sweat dripped along his nose to the tip and you caught it with your fingertip. He nuzzled you then, recovering his breath with a tender smile, and you smiled back.

[sunnyknight-original]

What Kind Of Monster Was He?

A @forgettable-au fan (colored) animatic

MINOR BLOOD WARNING!

*Was he the kind to do too much, or not enough?

…OK, SO WHAT HAD HAPPENED WAS-

I had planned to finish this into a full fledged animation, but a lot of the parts I did end up finishing just didnt live up to what I imagined…I waited for more motivation to happen, but it just didnt so HERES THE COLORED ANIMATIC CAUSE IM REALLLY HAPPY WITH WHAT I HAVE and ive sat on posting this for like a 2 weeks 😭 which is an eternity in my time

Im gonna post the unfinished “finished” part on my side account @o-sunny-day though! and probably have people yell at me cause it actually isnt that bad AND IT TOTALLY ISNT I just… art. You get it. ENOUGH YAPPING! ITS TIME TO YAP!

except not yet, MORE BACKGROUND INFO HUCDHUC- but its background info on explaining the lore…

The explaining is much less expansive than in Dear My Dear just because I didnt work on it long enough to think every bit of it through. This is just a clean, nicer looking, and colored version of the very first storyboard.

I usually think about and put more effort into the little stuff while making the FINISHED bits since ive had so much more time to think about that in all the preppin n sketching.

BUT I liked the explaining format I did for Dear My Dear so im sticking with it!

The main idea for this was to do a study of Wingdings’ character from what we’ve been given, mainly focusing in on the expectations he puts on himself because holy shit the lyrics for this works so stupidly well it makes me mad LOOK AT THIS???

its ridiculous. i love it. I didnt know Jack Stauber helped write Forgettable AU???? woww!!! ANYWHO thats the gist of it, not much context is needed past that. Onto the sillies!!!! (per usual excuse the shitty quality of the pngs idk why Tumblr does that-)

Did you know love? Will you rest in peace?

Wingdings and Sans holding hands as kids, before turning to a casket like appearance for adult WD. The flowers hes holding are pretty important too, Marigolds to represent grief, Lilys, new life, and Forget Me Nots for this lovely little line I found when looking up good flowers to use-

“a promise to always remember” ….stop that.

That actually also has a double meaning in this case too. 1, ofc the forgetting of Wingdings. But ALSO Wingdings forgetting something himself. Forgetting who he is. Almost like a Zuko ATLA situation.

Did you have a family?

Who knows where theyre parents are, but this is HAPPY TIME and we’re gonna assume they were so awesome and very kind but had to leave or went to a farm in the sky for whatever reason.

The colors here I had a lot of fun with. Their parents had warm colors but the boys have cold, still with warm accents. Its said they more or less raised each other being very independent as shown in the second part with them running out the door by themselves.

How was the view from the shelf? Did you ever believe in yourself?

Before, we started with the beginnings. The good things, the only thing Wingdings cares to even recall. Now we’re seeing his life really start to turn upside down- making first contact with The Player :D

He’s hesitant to reach out, but is intrigued, before getting a rushing revelation of his reality and how it isnt “real”

Rather than feeling crushing existential dread, he more feels pressured to be BETTER, to figure a solution, to do something. Thats what white represents here

WHAT KIND OF MILK WERE YOU?

We then switch to more examples of how Wingdings is taking this pressure (not well) The soft tones of yellow that were shown before, turn to way brighter, intensifying that feeling that he should be fine, he should be happy, drowning in success of being the Royal Scientist.

But he just desperately wants to just go back to a time of nice coldness.

The warm vs cold tones in this I had so much fun with, coldness is supposed to represent hostility usually, while warm is nice and happy. (same with Black and white. Scary, relieving,) But these points often contradict each other, its hard to tell what you’re feeling vs what you’re supposed to be feeling. Just like Wingdings!

WHAT KIND OF LIFE DID YOU LIVE THROUGH?

The white lab coats, the expectations, theyre on all of them. But Wingdings has essentially become his expectations.

He questions what life he wants to live, one being himself and alone (speaking in wingdings) or not himself and with company (speaking in a “normal” font) Still, he frames it in past tense as he believes theres no going back now, based on what he knows.

“One of the last happy moments they had together” stop that. (i cant find a link to when that was said but I know it was once, about them taking a photo together….)

DID YOUR LIFE RUN RICH WITH CALCIUM?

Calcium….bonesss :3 Hehehehdhehfhehehheheheh still dont know why he has holes in his hands so we’re movin on

DID THEY LAUGH AT YOU OR DID YOU LAUGH AT THEM?

Compared to the childhood Wingdings remembered, heres the sadder, bleaker, more realistic version. He always thought they were laughing at him but… maybe they werent.

DAIRY BELOVED. YOUR DAYS ARE GONE,

It doesnt matter now though. Because in the NOW, Wingdings has become consumed by his expectations of himself, seeing this has the “only option” to do the only thing that he feels will give his life meaning and purpose, establishing connection with THE PLAYER

But the grocery list goes on…

And yet life continues on without him, and his room is transformed into a more livable space now that someone is…living in it. Always hurts so much making the differences between Wingdings and Papyrus’ room. It feels like making something out of the man Wingdings COULD HAVE been. Because honestly thats just what Papyrus is,

Thank you to my bestie @fruitytrip for helping me with all of my art in general but especially the storyboarding on this :3 <3

[sepublic]

April Fools :P The fic’s still available if you’re interested in that sorta thing

LEAKED CANCELLED OWL HOUSE SCRIPTS?????!?!!?

Again?! AGAIN!!!!

We just got scripts for four cut episodes from S2B leaked you guys! Apparently they were originally part of S2’s plan, but with the shortening the crew realized they had like, zero budget for S3 and as a result they had to divert budget from S2B to S3; Considering it’s four 22-minute scripts, this sacrifice, while tragic, is also the reason why S3 was more than one special.

So it sucks especially given what we got in these canned episodes, because they resolve a couple of plot threads mentioned by the crew and whatnot, but we also get stuff like the Collector and Boscha development and whatnot so like. I get it and ultimately agree because by the end of the day, the ending of a story needs its due depth.

That being said! I’m REALLY mourning what we lost here but also let’s just treat it as canon. And so while it’s not exactly a book or comic or actual episodes, nor even storyboards… Man does it work! I’ll make analysis posts for each of these in a bit, and I don’t wanna spoil, but for those wondering: These seem to be set in between O Titan, Where Art Thou and Clouds on the Horizon, and the titles even fit into the S2 message????

Not really a spoiler but with the canned scripts, it was originally going to spell out SEEK THE KEY FEAR THE LOST LOCK. Honestly, it seems a convenient coincidence that the writers could cut out those four titles and the message would still work, but maybe this is why those four episodes were chosen out of the rest! As for the hidden codes, they’re not spoilers for the scripts themselves: SEETHING SEAS AND PUPPET STRINGS, HE NO LONGER DREAMS OF KING. AS ABOVE RUSH DARKENED SKIES, AS BELOW HIS GUILTY AND ALL SEEING FATHER LIES.

Those four codes really add to the poem because it seems the writers intended to foreshadow back in S2 that the Titan was watching from the in-between, and also that the situation with the Collector being imprisoned hadn’t been just, setting them up as misunderstood? Man. Makes me wonder how our speculation back when the show aired would’ve changed in the buildup to S3…!

[wheeloffortune-design]

I'm so happy for your new job opportunity man!!!!! I've been following your journey for a while and your updates have started feeling like the ones from a neighbour :) go kick ass!!!!!!!!!!!

thank you! :D Yeah, it's been a whole journey since I lost my job last september.... if i recall correctly, in the last four months, I-

crammed all the dentist appointments i could get in two weeks before my insurance ran out = 5h total of getting cavities filled

spent so much time applying to jobs, first in the artistic domain i wanted, then for management/desk jobs, then retail. i made a dozen CVs, a bunch of portfolios, countless cover letters. it took two months, and only the art store called me back.

went to two small conventions and gave presentations in both

had an artist table at the rpg convention so i had to prepare prints and stuff

drew a whole pinup calendar in a couple of weeks

built an online store and set the print on demand system to sell prints and said calendars

somewhere around that was halloween. i was a sexy pirate.

wrote a short-story in three days to meet a deadline

drew a lot of commissions, one of them with cars, it was hard

got a retail job at the art store

turned 40! my friends brought face makeup at the party, i was a pink spiderman.

worked full time at the art store, was physically exhausting

completely reorganized the framing department

a friend told me about a storyboarding opportunity that would open in january, showed me how to use the program

christmas rush

lost my grandma, was a very hard time for the family

awkward holidays

between christmas and new year i learned how to use storyboard pro and made a animatic as a portfolio piece (while working 40h)

new year. my resolution is fame and fortune.

had to prepare the kickstarter plan for the upcoming novel

grandma's funeral

online cover reveal party for the book

corrected the line edits of Mrs. Victoria, reread the whole book in three days

the studio liked the animatic i send, they made me take a storyboarding test, which took two days

reminder that i'm still working a 40h/week job and coming back home most days at 9pm. it's winter, in canada.

the test was accepted, i negotiated the contract

and today i told the art store i was leaving

i'm startig the new job on monday.

so yeah, i haven't stopped for a moment in the last four months. i still have some commissions to draw, and then i'll start writing and drawing stuff for the kickstarter, but i'll have a lot more time, money, and energy to tackle all this.

(i'm very lucky that i was finally medicated for adhd just before all of this, i couldn't have made it without my friend concerta.)

so this is gonna be me for the next couple of days, lots of sleep, maybe play a video game. make the puzzle i received at christmas.

[seeingivy]

all too well

actor!eren x f!reader

**part of my method acting series

an: ladies and gentleman, we are so back. the french is google translated, to the french speakers, I apologize (@cutiejg I am looking at you)

content: BIG OUCHIES

songs mentioned: little freak by harry styles, not mentioned explicitly but all too well by taylor swift (the name of the chapter)!

previous part linked here

--

You knock hard on the door, knuckles pounding wearily on the wood, as you push into the room to find Hange and Levi, hunched over their desk. They’re pouring over the storyboards with the script up at their side, talking in hushed tones. 

Levi, as always, looks up first and sets his pencil down as he beckons for you to come in. You awkwardly amble up to their desk, as Hange pulls up a chair in between the two of them, and you settle into the space. You can smell both of their distinctive smells in the air - Levi’s freshly brewed tea and the smell of Hange’s inky ballpoint pens. 

“Hey kid. What can we do you for?” Hange asks, resting a hand in your hair to ruffle your locks. It’s well past three in the morning, the frigid December air raising the goosebumps on your arm with Eren’s hoodie doing little to help your chills. 

You’re not sure why, but that soft, soothing tone that Hange always sports when they talk to you has the tears violently rushing to your eyes, the warm wetness spreading across your cheeks. Both of their demeanours suddenly change - Levi’s suddenly increasingly attentive, a hand on your shoulder, while Hange coos into your ears - that aching pain in your chest pulsating. 

“Oh, honey, what’s wrong?” Hange asks, eyebrows knit in concern. 

You try to subside your hiccuped breaths, wiping the wetness on your cheek onto the back of your hand, as you open your swollen eyes, your line of vision obscured. 

“I-It’s kind of complic-cated.” you respond, frowning at the two of them. 

“Did Eren do something?” Levi asks, voice stern. 

Hange smacks his shoulder, rolling their eyes, as you can’t help but laugh. At Levi, for suggesting it. And at Hange, for defending Eren. 

“No. No, he’s great.”

Levi narrows his eyes, giving you his most soul piercing stare. 

“Are you sure?”

You laugh, not missing the way Levi’s lips slowly turn upwards, the makings of a smile on his face as his shoulders relax. 

“Yes, Levi. I’m sure. It’s Eren.” 

“Well. What’s got you so worked up then, kid?” he asks again, squeezing your shoulder. 

You look down at your hands, knitting your fingers together, as you fumble through the words. Through that bubbling pit of emotion, sitting in your throat, that’s been bothering you for the past few days. That you’re going to be leaving the set for three years and they won’t be at your side, lifting you up for what you’re going to do next. 

That without them, you’re going to fail. Horrendously. 

“I’m really scared to do this all without you guys. And I really, really don’t want to fail you both, but I think that I’m going to because I don’t know how to do this alone.” you mumble. 

“Huh?” Hange asks. 

“I just mean. You and Levi have gotten me this far. Holding my hand at every turn, coaxing me into things when anyone else would have pushed me. Or kicked me out for not having the guts. You put me with Eren when you know he’d support me. And it-I feel like I’m going to flop out the second I leave.” 

You watch Levi pinch his lips into a straight line, his gray eyes glaring into yours. 

“I couldn’t have done it without you guys. And I am so thankful for it, I-I want to make you guys so proud. But I just…I feel like I’m going to fail the second I try something on my own. That there’s this big, looming anticipation around me and it’ll amount to nothing.” 

You swallow hard, darting your eyes between the two of them, not missing the shared look they give each other, before Levi breaks the silence. 

“You’re really stupid kid, you know that?” 

You frown, glaring at him. 

“Leave it to you to invalidate my feelings.” you grumble, crossing your arms on your chest, making it a point to avoid even looking at him. 

“I’m not invalidating your feelings, just invalidating the fact that you quite literally give yourself no credit. That you have zero faith in yourself.” 

“Great. Thanks, Levi.” you deadpan. 

“He means…anything you’ve done is of your own merit. Don’t put everything you’ve done on us.” Hange states. 

You swallow hard, shaking your head. 

“I-I didn’t mean it like that. I just mean, your support helps me, pushes me forward. I can’t imagine being able to do anything without it.” you murmur. 

“You know we aren’t going anywhere, right?” Levi states. 

“I know that. But it won’t be the same.” 

“First and foremost, you don’t need anyone to do great things. You’re plenty great on your own. And second, it may not be us who's the closest to you, but there will be plenty of people in your arsenal, backing you up. Unfortunately for you, I don’t think Eren could leave you alone even if he tried.” 

You laugh through the snot, lightly shoving Levi and Hange’s laughs vertebrate in your ears. 

“Okay. Just, if I flop out, you can’t be mad at me, okay?” 

“We’d never be mad at you kid. You mean the world to us.” Hange states, wrapping their arms around you as Levi follows suit. 

And when you look over your shoulder, you see the framed picture on Levi’s side of the desk and know, in earnest, that it’s true. That in some way, Levi and Hange will always be at your side, always your fiercest defenders. 

And that at his core, Levi Ackerman is a sap. For having a framed picture of you and Hange, front and center on his desk. There’s a rapid knocking on the door, followed by a very sleepy Eren standing on the door. 

“There you are. I was looking everywhere for you.” 

You wipe the last of the wetness off your face as he shuffles up, locking his hands around your neck and resting his chin right on top of your head. He leans down and presses a light kiss at the top of your hairline, as he starts groaning. 

“S’cold. What are you doing down here? And with my jacket, mind you.” he murmurs, mid-yawn. 

You sniffle, which has Eren securing his hands around your cheeks and angling your face up so he can look at you. And at the sight of your blotchy skin and red eyes, his eyes immediately wash over with concern, his thumbs rubbing into your skin. 

“Hey, what’s wrong?” 

You give him a halfhearted smile, which he returns. 

“Nothing, I just wanted to talk to Levi and Hange.” you respond, standing up as Eren tucks you into the side of his arm. 

“Let’s talk about it tomorrow and go back to bed now. It’s really late. You should sleep.” he murmurs, as you give him an affirmative nod. 

“To bed. In your own beds, mind you.” Levi states, giving the two of you a weary eye. 

Eren’s eyes go wide, a sheepish laugh falling out of both of your mouths as Levi rolls his eyes. 

“Oh, totally. Totally in my own bed. Because obviously, there is no one in my bed. Except for me! Well, not right now but you know what I mean.” you mumble, getting a laugh from Hange. 

You and Eren sneak out of the room, hand in hand, as you giggle while sneaking up the steps. He squeezes your hand three times as he pushes you into his room, tangling under the sheets with you and burrowing you straight into his arms. 

“You’re really okay?” he murmurs against your hair. 

“I’d tell you if I wasn’t.” you whisper, as Eren presses his lips against your forehead in response. 

“Okay, ma lune. Go to bed.” 

“Eh? Who taught you that?” you ask. 

“What? Was it wrong?” 

“No, no, it’s right. You’re trying to say my moon in French, right?” you ask, cheeks burning.

“Yeah. I asked Falco. Since you call me mon chérie, it’s only fitting that my nickname for you is French too.” 

“Mielleux.” you respond, tracing the side of his cheeks, right near his dimples as you laugh. 

“Huh? Don’t insult me in French, that’s cheating.” 

“That was an insult. I was calling you…intelligent.” 

“Right. And Connie’s six foot four.” he responds, sarcastically.

“I just called you cheesy. Quit whining and go to bed now.” 

His laugh, vertebrating in his chest, is the last thing you feel before your eyes flutter closed. 

You swallow hard, shaking the memory from your head before knocking on the door firmly, as that pulsating wave of anxiety bubbles in your chest. Because whoever answers that door, is going to bring an all consuming, complicated wave of emotions that you’ll have to resolve in all but twenty seconds before you have to talk to them. 

The door swings open, with Hange and Levi standing in the center of the doorframe, leaving you with a mess of anger, sadness, and dejection. 

“Hey kid.” Hange states, spreading their arms open as you melt into their arms. That faint smell of ink is lingering on their clothes, the dark marks smudged along the side of their hand indicating that they must have been stuck in that room with Levi, workshopping the script. 

“Hi Hange.” you respond, swallowing hard, as you turn to look at Levi. 

“Y/N.” he states, voice devoid of any emotion. But you can tell from that unshakable burning in his eyes, that something is rumbling in Levi’s chest, similar to your own. 

“Levi.” 

The three of you quietly walk to the kitchen, that awkward tension hanging thick in the air as Hange and Levi start rummaging through the cabinets and you lean against the counter. You take a second to stare at the polaroids, a mix of familiar faces and ones you’ve never seen at all pressed to the fridge. But the one that catches your eye the most is of Falco, smiling brightly at a girl, with short, brown hair. 

Hange walks up to your side, holding the bowl of food up in front of you, as you shoot them a thankful smile. 

“Whose that?” you ask, pointing to the picture. 

“Oh, that’s Gabi. She’s one of the new cast members.” 

“I’m taking it she’s good friends with Falco.” you state, smiling at Hange. 

“Oh, the best.” Hange states, giving you a knowing smile. 

You settle into the chairs across from the two of them, your brain buzzing from being here, in this kitchen with them again. At being in this house again, so vastly changed from the last time you were here. 

The last time you stood in this kitchen, you and Eren were giving each other teary goodbyes, everyone holding each other for too long. And now you’re here, sitting alone in the kitchen with Hange and Levi, with everyone nowhere to be found. Least of all Eren. 

Levi’s characteristically silent, focused on steeping his tea bag in the water and avoiding any sense of eye contact or communication with you. Which you were expecting, since Levi was always one to hold a grudge. 

“How are you, Levi?” 

“Okay.” 

The response to others would be seemingly nothing but it stings violently in your chest. Because it isn’t uncharacteristic for Levi to be withholding information, especially personal in nature, but it is uncharacteristic for Levi to be that way with you. And perhaps you were increasingly harsh the last time that you talked to him, but surely you’ve both moved past that. Because it was months ago and at this point, there is nothing you can do about it. 

“Are you still mad at me, Levi?” you ask. 

“Are you still mad at me?” he utters back, the tone biting. 

You sigh. Straight into the thick of it. Levi was always straightforward like that. 

“I mean, I still stand by what I said but that doesn’t mean I’m ma-” 

“Great. So when everything goes to shit, you’re going to hold it over my head and blame me for it, right?” 

You swallow hard, taken aback completely by how aggressive he comes off, straight off the bat. Levi had always been this way and you’d seen it firsthand, from how strict he was on Eren when it came to acting when you were younger. And every time you told Eren to be stronger, look past it, because Levi was doing it out of a place of love. 

But from the way he’s angrily scorning you right now, over a decision he betrayed you by making, one thing is evidently clear to you. That Levi’s not acting out of love. 

You swallow hard, pushing that disgusting acidic feeling in your throat, as you give Hange a look before talking. 

“Okay, Levi. I never said that-” 

“The second Falco’s feelings get hurt, by god knows what, you’re going to come to me and say that it was my fault. My fault because I was the one who casted him in the show.” 

“Well, that would be true. I explicitly asked you to remove them from the show after I found out you gave him the part. So if something happens to them, it is going to be your fault. Because you didn’t listen. You’re the reason they’re here.” you murmur. 

Levi groans, reaching up to pinch the bridge of his nose as Hange moves to his side, a firm hand and a pleading voice urging him to calm down. 

“Is that what you’re trying to say? Are you trying to blame me for everything that happened?” Levi asks. 

“I didn’t even say that. I just meant-” 

“Isn’t that what you said though? You said by casting Falco, any hurt feelings he has from any backlash he could hypothetically get is going to be my fault. It’s going to be my fault because I cast him. And it’s fairly obvious you’re having some pent up feelings, because-” 

You swallow hard, the tears burning your eyes and your chest aching. 

“This isn’t about me. You know how hard I’ve fought to protect both of them from all of this. And you’re just going to forsake all of that, everything I’ve tried to shield them from, because you want them here for god knows whatever reason?” 

“They’re here because they want to be here. They saw the casting call and auditioned together. As the person who is making this show, I had to pick the people who were best for the part. That was the same thing I did for you. And everyone else.” 

“Oh, shut up, Levi. I know that you weren’t the final say in who picked me, it was Eren.” 

“I was the one who put you in the top three. I knew you could be great at this. The same way I know that Falco and Colt can be great at it too.” 

“I don’t give a fuck if they can be great at it, I’m sure they’re phenomenal. But they can’t handle the rest of it. And I’ve tried so hard, I already dragged them into all of this by literally being related to them, but the fact that you’re holding their hand and walking them right into this lion's cage, knowing damn well what’s waiting for them, is what’s making me mad.” 

You see Levi’s eyes twinge for a second, before he scoffs and stirs his spoon in his tea. And the sound of the metal hitting the porcelain is enough to aggravate you even more. 

“Nothing that happened to them is your fault. And trust me, they know exactly what they’re getting into when they come here.” Levi responds, sighing. 

“Right. Because throwing that brick through my window totally would have happened regardless of the fact that I’m famous. That was my fault, plain and clear. And they can think they know what they’re getting into, but I can promise you for a fact. Falco isn’t strong enough to do this.” 

You hear something drop behind you, only to find Falco and Colt standing there. Falco’s bright eyes are filled with tears, swiftly falling down his cheeks, as he runs off and Colt calls for him.  

“I-I’m going to talk to him.” Colt responds, sighing heavily, as he shuffles away. 

You turn back to Levi, glaring at him. 

“Are you trying to punish me, Levi? Is that what this is?” 

“What?” 

“You’re trying to make me feel shitty. For not talking to you for so long, for-for pulling away. You’re trying to make me fucking regret it.” 

Levi glares, walking up close to you, as he flares his nostrils. 

“Are you trying to punish me?” 

“Levi-” 

“Surely, you must be. You really think that I would do anything, for even one second, to hurt you? That I find joy in hurting you even more when letting everything happen is one of my biggest regrets? 

You swallow hard, taken aback by Levi’s admission. You reach forward, to place your hand on his shoulder, but he flinches away from your touch entirely, the frown on his face fixed. 

“You clearly know nothing about me, Y/N. Nothing.” Levi states, angrily storming out of the room. 

Your tears are burning, wet and hot and neverending as you bring the heels of your hands up to your eyes. You’d entirely forgotten Hange was there, until their hand comes up around your shoulder and squeezes hard. 

And it makes you cry. That Hange’s here to comfort you. That the one person who you’ve looked u pto you, maybe the only reason you’re even standing here, is the one who sees you at your worst. And holds you anyways. 

The realization hits you in full flesh. And it’s cruel. 

That filming this season is going to be entirely different than any of the last. 

--

The feeling isn’t like any other. 

That deep seated pit of rage, of jealousy, of hurt that Eren can only associate with Zeke. And while he’s able to push it down, swallow it down when he’s ready for it, the one place he can’t do it is here. Because watching Connie prank Zeke in between takes, seeing him get along with Levi and Hange, there’s some part of it that taints the entire premise of things together. 

Eren pushes down the piano keys, his fingers nearly shaking from the anger, until he feels it. Warm hands looping around his side, accompanied by that flowery smell and your head falling onto his shoulder. Your right hand is on the keys, brushing past both of his as he sighs. 

“Hi Eren.”

“Hey.” 

Eren can feel your prying eyes, big and wide watching him. And Eren knows that you can see it all over his face - the anger sitting in his jaw, his flushed cheeks - and it embarasses him even more. That you’re here with him, when all he can do is feel rotten. 

“Are you writing a song?” 

“Mhm.” 

“Tell me your writing process. I’ve never written a song before.” 

Eren turns to you, giving you a pointed look, because he knows all too well what you’re doing. His own parents have used this tactic on him a hundred times, when he’s panting and heaving from crying so hard. He figures that they think the distraction is helpful, that it’ll subside the wave of emotions in his chest. But sometimes it feels to big, too vast - like an ocean wave he has no capabilities of taming. 

“I know that can be kind of a personal thing to ask. I don’t mean to pry, I just wanted to know.” you murmur. 

Eren looks over, only to find your eyes cast downward towards the piano and the slightest flush of pink creeping up your neck. 

You’re embarrassed. Embarrassed for asking him something personal, for crossing a line you feel you shouldn’t have. 

Eren immediately takes his book off of the stand - filled with his ramblings, lyrics, and everything in between - and places it right in your eager hands. And Eren can’t help but feel a warm, simmering in his chest when your downtrodden look is replaced with a bright smile and your hand squeezing his.

Three times. 

There’s something entirely bare about doing this with you, like he’s giving you the key and letting you walk right inside of his mind. But he does it regardless, watches your eyes scan over the pages, your fingers running over the marks he’s indented into the paper. 

“What song were you just playing?” you murmur, flipping through the little leaflets. You eye the little pictures taped into the pages - one of you next to the words Sweet Creature - that you tuck away to pry about later. 

“Ah. This one.” 

Eren braces his hands against the piano, the light piano tune filling the air. 

I was thinkin' about who you are Your delicate point of view, I Was thinkin' about you I'm not worried about where you are Or who you will go home to, I'm Just thinkin' about you

Eren stops himself short, that block in his throat itching, only to turn to his side and find you smiling at him, his little book of thoughts tucked into your arms, right against your beating heart. 

“Eren. You’re a really good singer.” you murmur. 

He can feel his own skin flushing, as he brings his hand up to his neck and nervously scratches. 

“Thank you, Y/N.” 

“Do you mind me asking what the song is about?” 

“I know you know, Y/N.” he responds, leaning his face closer to yours. 

He feels you set the book down, returning it back to the stand, and watches you lace your arm through his. You’re holding him close to you as you nestle your cheek into his skin, running your hands over each of his knuckles. 

When Eren looks over, he can’t help but smile to himself. There’s something about it, this tiny frown that you sport, that Eren sincerely adores. Eren can’t help but want to touch your skin then and there, to smooth those little creases away with his fingers until you smile again. 

And naturally, it’s very irritating for Eren that you still look pretty when you frown. And when you smile. And every other expression in between. 

“I know. But you should still tell me anyway.” you murmur. 

“I’m okay, Y/N.” 

“Eren.” you whine. 

“I know you know. And it’s okay…it’s complicated.” he sighs. 

Eren doesn’t know how to explain the vastness of it to you. That Eren can simultaneously be mad at his brother but want nothing more to be around him. That he can hate him for what he did, for pulling away, when Eren had no intentions of leaving him alone. That he never wants to see him again, that his presence is aggravating in itself. 

“You…you promise it’s okay? That you don’t want to talk about it because-” 

Eren leans forward, his eyes burning as he looks into yours, your lips a few feet away from one another. 

“You’ve got me, right?” 

“Huh?” 

“You’ve got me, if I need you?” 

“Of course, I do.” you respond, not even a beat in between your words. 

“Good. Then, I’m okay.” 

Eren gives you a warm smile, one that leaves you in a fit of your own confusion, as he braces his hands against the piano again, playing the light tune into the air. And when you walk away, giving him one last squeeze on the shoulder, before leaving him alone on set once again, Eren scribbles his last thought into the book before walking away. 

That he thinks he loves you. 

Eren’s shaken out of his own memory, leaving it in his graveyard of other haunting memories, as he hears the pitter pattering of footsteps behind him. He looks up to find Gabi and Falco, sitting together on the floor, knees to his chest. 

Eren can immediately clock that Falco has been crying. And Eren realizes immediately that Gabi ran to his defense. It almost feels like the two of them are mocking him, though watching them interact even in the slightest had Eren feeling that .. 

Gabi, the horrifying menace that he is, is possibly one of Eren’s favorite people ever. Not only is she determined, bold, and stubbornly loyal, but she is quite possibly the only person who could be considered a bigger fan of you than Eren was. 

Which was saying something.

“Falco. It’s okay. You-you didn’t hear the entire conversation.” Gabi coaxes, a soft frown on her face. 

Eren’s well aware that he sees himself and you a little bit too much in Gabi and Falco, but the fact that Gabi quite literally sports the same frown that you do is enough to give him a chill. And annoy him even more. Even if he tries to forget, Eren has no choice but to remember. 

He supposes some part of it is romantic, almost. That no matter how far you are, Eren can see you everywhere. That opening the fridge reminds him of the time the two of you danced in the kitchen, that driving reminds him of all the times he had to commandeer that shitty bike with you, that the moon rises into the sky and that it makes the tattoo on his skin burn. 

“I heard enough. She doesn’t even believe in me. Not even in the slightest.” 

“Falco. You’re amazing. And she knows that. Maybe you should talk to her about-” 

“I get that she’s hurt from everything that happened. But does that give her any right to be mean to me? To think I can’t do this because-” 

Eren walks up, sitting criss crossed on the floor across from the two of them. Falco gives him a halfhearted smile, infinitely better than any interaction he’s had with Colt in the entire three weeks they’ve been here, as Eren hikes his knees to his chest. 

“Hey Falco, Gabi.” 

“Hi Eren.” he sniffles, Gabi’s hand still firm on his shoulder. 

“Want to tell me what’s going on?” 

“Not really.” he grumbles. 

“Shame. You know, I can be quite wise sometimes.” 

“Yeah. He’s got hobo wisdom.” Gabi adds, eliciting a laugh from Falco. 

Eren reaches forward to flick Gabi on the forehead, which she immediately swats off. A rather affectionate term Gabi had coined, for the rather unfortunate makeover that Levi had given him for the Marley arc. 

Eren’s half convinced Levi made everyone look better and him worse as his final act of vengeance on your behalf. Because even Eren’s not stupid and is well aware that Levi will be enacting some mildly annoying revenge on him for the rest of his life, for hurting you for even a second. Which he can take. Because he deserves it. 

“I had a fight with Y/N.” 

Eren swallows hard, throat dry at the fact that the person they were talking about was you. Meaning, you were back, only a few feet away from where he was sitting right now. 

“Falco’s misinterpreting it, I think.” 

“Leave it to you to side with my sister, Gabi.” 

“Hey. I’m just trying to play devil's advocate. You need that sometimes.” 

Sometimes being the devil's advocate is being on your side. 

Eren shakes your voice from his head, as he focuses back on the two of them. 

“Y/N doesn’t want me to be here. She had a fight with Levi when she found out he picked me and Colt after we auditioned. She thinks it's the ultimate punishment that I’m here, that she has to share this with me.” 

Eren swallows hard. And immediately back tracks on your behalf, because if Eren knows one thing about you, it’s that fighting with Falco must be tearing you up in more ways than one. That being here alone is hard enough for you, but your one source of comfort being ripped couldn't be helpful either. 

Eren’s also positive that Levi is smoldering somewhere. That his great plan is backfiring. Because Levi did cast Falco and Colt because they were the best audition, but he also cast them because he knew having them here would make it infinitely easier for you. 

Or so he thought. 

“Your sister doesn’t want you to be here. But it’s not for some selfish reason or because she doesn’t believe in you. Trust me, your sister is your biggest supporter.” Eren states

“Yeah, Falco. You know that she loves you.” Gabi adds, giving him a weak smile as she laces their hands together. 

Eren wonders if Gabi squeezes Falco’s hand. If she squeezes three times, because saying I love you, the thought of sharing that is so suffocating that she has to do it that way. 

“The only reason she doesn’t want you here is because she doesn’t want you to suffer. She-she loves you how you are. Excited, energetic, you-you’re very lively, Falco. Some people see that and they…they want to stamp that out of you.” Eren says, voice burning in his chest as he talks. 

“Your sister just wants you to stay you. And you, quite possibly, are the only thing she can’t afford to lose. You mean too much to her.” he adds. 

“That’s not true. She felt that way about you too.” Falco adds. 

Falco’s eyes immediately go wide, cheeks pink, as he reaches forward and places a hand on his knee. 

“I’m sorry! I didn’t mean that in an insulting way, I meant that as-” 

Eren smiles. At times, Eren feels almost like the entire time he had spent with you wasn’t real. It’s so far off in his mind, the situation so convoluted and messy now that at times it feels like it’s all a figment of his imagination. But the small reminders - a fan account, Falco’s admissions - they’re enough to remind Eren. 

That he’s not crazy. That you loved him and he loved you. 

It’s a double edged sword. He’s not sure if it’s worse to know he loved you and lost you or to have it feel like your love was never real at all. 

He supposes he’ll have his answer when he inevitably sees you, in the flesh again. Not stricken by grief, somewhat in full feeling again. 

“I know what you meant, Falco. Do you know what I meant?” 

Falco sighs. 

“I…I want to. But she literally said, Falco isn’t strong enough for this. She thinks I’m weak.” 

“Or…she’s been through it herself. And she knows that people will push you, past your breaking points and expect you to keep going. It’s not about whether or not you’re talented, it’s…it’s almost that you’re too talented. She knows people will love you. That they’ll watch you and see you as something like that.” 

The pit of it is burning in his stomach. The information that he’s sitting on, that he could share with Falco right now. But he knows that it’s not the right time. That it would require him to throw Lana under the bus, that he isn’t even ready to say everything all together, that he’ll tell you, and Falco and Armin when the time is right. 

“But she knows that this is something that’s hard to stomach. And it’s less that she thinks you’re not strong enough to handle it, it’s that she doesn’t want you to have be.” Eren states. 

“Good shit, Eren.” Gabi states, giving him a wide smile. Falco laughs at her brashness, the smallest makings of a smile on Falco’s face. 

Falco’s ruminating over his words this time, some semblance of them sticking, as he gives him a sigh and a halfhearted smile before standing up.

“How about we go eat something, Falco? You can think about everything Eren said. Everything I said and we….we can just take a walk after.” 

If you and Eren’s thing was biking and getting slushies, then Falco and Gabi’s was walking and talking. 

“Okay.” 

Eren watches the two of them walk off into the distance, the way their hands brush against each other as they amble towards the door, how they never link together, and swallows hard. 

At the fact that not only would his memories be constant reminders, but that Falco and Gabi are going to be a constant representation. 

Of what he had. And what he had to give up. 

--

You march down the hall, feet dragging you to your childhood bedroom, as the waves of the argument have subside in your chest. You can feel the skin around your eyes stinging, your cheeks swollen and pink, as you turn to the signs with Connie’s handwriting and groan. 

Jean and Mikasa (please fuck quietly)

Eren and Y/N (y’all are fucked up for this) 

You must have been too loud, because suddenly both doors are swinging open, Jean coming out of one and Connie out of the other. 

“Princess! You’re back!”

You pull back, resting your hands on both of his biceps as you squeeze. At Connie, less grief-stricken and pale, but more lively and loving. 

The way he used to be. 

“Hi Connie.” you respond, giving him a smile back. 

“I’d know that moaning groaning sound anywhere.” Connie states. 

“That sounds inappropriate, Connie.” Jean grumbles, giving you a smile. 

The two of them stand in front of you, towering over you, as they give you smiles. Which is when you realize that they both look drastically different. 

Connie’s hair is significantly balder. And Jean has a fucking mullet. 

“Oh my god. You have a mul-” 

“Before you say ANYTHING, he is very gorgeous to me.” Connie states, giving you an accusatory finger. 

“Con-” 

“I don’t care WHAT you say. He’s in the top three of my tentative glow-up ranking for this season.” 

“Nothing you just said was English. Like not even one sentence of it.” you state. 

“Have you read the script yet?” Jean asks, giving you a helpful smile. 

“No, they haven’t given me mine yet.” ‘

“Well, we’re doing a big time skip. And to sell the image - even though we’re literally not teenagers anymore - they’re all giving us different haircuts.” 

“I hope for Armin’s sake that he’s at the top of that list.” you murmur. 

You hear a set of footsteps behind you, only to find Mikasa and Sasha with bags hanging from both of their arms, the pair of them panting and heaving. Jean’s quick to take Mikasa’s bags, which has Sasha berating Connie for not running to do the same. 

“Princess! Welcome back.” Sasha states, pressing a wet kiss to your cheeks as Connie - making his annoyance very clear - takes the bags from Sasha and sets them down in Mikasa’s room. 

“Thanks, Sash. I love your hair.” you state, giving her the warmest smile you can muster. 

“God. I am fucking starving. First of all, these stupid fucking dress shops give out the measliest little chocolates. Like, we’re there for six hours, the least they could do was give me the whole box. And every time I asked for seconds, Mikasa’s stupid maid of honor started giving me a whole lecture about it.” Sasha grumbles. 

You swallow hard. 

Mikasa’s maid of honor. 

You turn to your left, to find Jean with a rather awkward look on his face, as Mikasa’s eyes go wide. You try to shake off the discomfort, the annoying tears that are trying to pool in your eyes, as you turn to Sasha. 

At the fact that Mikasa found a replacement for you. 

You’re in the kitchen when Mikasa approaches you, the light glow on your cheeks making you smile so hard that it hurts. 

That Mikasa is engaged. The ring is glimmering on her finger, as you beckon for her to walk closer to you and you take her hand in yours. 

“I didn’t get a second to properly admire it with all those idiots around.” you murmur, her soft hands in yours. 

The ring is simple. A circular cut diamond with a gold band. And entirely Jean and Mikasa. You recall Jean harassing you at nearly turn leading up to the day, but seeing it here and now, on her hand instead of that stupid plastic mannequin, you can really see Jean’s vision. 

That it’s perfect for her. 

“It’s beautiful, Mikasa.” 

“I know you helped him. God knows he was probably having a panic attack at the store.” 

“Oh, he totally was. But he picked that one out on his own and fully stopped entertaining other ones when his eye caught that one. He said he knew it was the perfect one for you.” 

“Jean can be really cheesy.” Mikasa states, her cheeks dusted pink as she pushes down the pleats of her dress. 

“I think it’s really sweet. You’re made for each other.”

She smiles hard, her eyes watery again. 

“You really think so?” 

“Are you really asking me that after you already said yes, Mikasa?” 

“I mean, I’m sure of my decision. But your opinion, what you think means a lot to me. Especially if you’re going to be my maid of honor.” 

You drop the knife in your hand against your plate, eyes wide as you look at her. At the way the light is catching in her hair, at the smug smiley look on her face. 

“No fucking way.” 

“You can’t be serious. It was always going to be you…you’re like my person!” she states, wrapping her arms around you. You squeeze her tight in her arms, earning a groaning sound from her, as you feel the excitement course through you. 

“Mika. I would love to be your maid of honor.” 

“Well, good. Because there’s no one else who could do it. The only person I want being up there with me is you.” 

You realize now that the premise is world’s away. Which was a given. Mikasa had gone all the way and had an entire engagement party, meaning she needed someone to fill the role. And it wasn’t like she could exactly tell you, you barely even gave her the time of day when things were going down. 

“I’m hungry too. I’ll come down with you in a second, yeah?” 

She gives you an affirmative nod, as she skips down the hall and down the steps. You turn to Connie and eye your bags still in the hall. 

“Do you know who Colt is sharing a room with Connie?” 

“Galliard.” 

“Who?” 

“Ah, the Brit. He’s real funny, I think you’ll like him.” 

“Ah, okay. Well, I think I’ll ask him if he can share with Eren instead. And I-” 

“Y/N. You can still share with Mikasa.” Jean states, eyes wide. 

You swallow hard, the embarrassment coursing through you. 

“No, I-I insist. You guys should share. You-you are getting married and all! Wouldn’t want to rain on your parade and all that. And Colt’s my brother, I’ll be comfortable with him, so-” 

“I’ll help you move your bags.” Connie states, dragging your bags down the hall. 

You’re eternally grateful for Connie and him catching on fast enough. Jean follows in tow, giving Mikasa a look over his shoulder, as the two of you stand awkwardly in the hall. You turn to look at her. 

“You didn’t get a haircut?” you ask. 

“Ah. Um, Levi and Hange are actually letting me use a wig.” 

“That’s right. Jean always imagined you with your hair long at your wedding.” 

Mikasa smiles, so wide, that you swear there’s tears gathering in her eyes. 

“I didn’t realize he had told you that.” she murmurs. 

“Jean can’t help but talk about you. He mentioned it to me in passing once.” 

You both awkwardly swallow, as you rub your hands on your biceps. There’s a tension in the air between the two of you, one that you weren’t really expecting, that settles deep into your bones. 

“Well, Sash is probably waiting so I’ll-” 

“Yeah, yeah sure. No problem.” 

“It’s nice to see you again, Mika.” 

“You too.” she responds, as you swallow that salty feeling in your throat and pad down the stairs. 

--

Eren is interrupted by an incessant pounding on his door, only to find Armin standing there with an excited look on his face. 

“Hey. What’s up, ‘Min?” 

“Erwin gave me a really cool gift, do you want to see?” 

Eren nods, opening up the door, as Armin pads into the room. You and Mikasa are sprawled on Eren’s bedroom floor, the two of you typing away at something on Mikasa’s laptop, while Marco and Jean play a very intense game of go-fish. 

Armin gestures for everyone to join him on the floor, as everyone lazily turns their head towards them. He opens up the box, filled with stacks of polaroids, and sets the camera on top. 

“What is it?” you ask, as Armin excitedly runs his fingers across the pictures. 

“Erwin just gave it to me. He said that when he went to the SHWA, one of his favorite things to do was capture all the memories, so that he’d never forget them.” 

Eren digs his hand into the box, the first polaroid he pulls out being one of Levi and Hange, significantly younger. Hange’s excitedly pinching Levi’s cheeks, while he all but glares at her. 

“Woah. This one is of Levi and Hange.” 

“Is this before they were dating?” you ask, turning your eyes towards Eren. 

“Mhm. They’re way younger here, they only started dating after La La Land. 

Eren watches your eyes swell, as you run your fingers over the picture. 

“Wait, that’s so sweet. That they have all these pictures together, before they were even in love. Like..like they were always meant to be together.” 

Jean leans forward, flicking you on the forehead. 

“You’re a sap.” he states. 

“Says you, asshole.” you respond, glaring at him. 

Eren ignores the two of you, digging into the box with Armin as the two of them run their fingers over all the pictures. Of Satoru Gojo, holding a hand out over Levi’s head to mimic how short he is, Erwin and Nanami drinking tea on set, Shoko and Miche smoking a cigarette. 

“The first picture that Erwin ever took on the polaroid was this one.” Armin states, handing it to him. 

The picture is of him and Levi, the two of them sitting on the floor with their knees hiked to his chest. Unlike any of the other ones, Levi and Erwin are actually smiling, as opposed to their usual smoldering looks that they sport. 

“I want the first one I take to be of us, like this.” Armin states, giving him a bright smile. 

Eren excitedly nods, tapping on Mikasa’s shoulder, and breaking her out of the pictures she was looking at with Marco. 

“Mika.” 

“Hm?” 

“Can you take a picture of us like this?” he asks, handing her the picture. 

She smiles wide, reaching for the camera as she angles it perfectly and flashes the bright light in both of their faces. Armin and Eren laugh as they reach up, itching their aching eyes, before Mikasa holds both of the pictures out to them, side by side. 

“God. You’re like their little proteges.” Mikasa states, handing them the pictures. 

“Do you need help?” Eren asks. 

Armin turns his head, eyes wide and filled with a twinge of detachment that Eren absolutely despises. He’s been finnicking with his polaroid camera - the new one that Eren had bought him - for the past twenty minutes. 

“I have extra film if you need it. It’s a weird way to kind of load it in these cameras but-” Eren says, standing up to reach for the camera. 

“Well, I’d be able to do it if I still had my camera, wouldn’t I?” Armin seethes, glaring at him as he sets the camera down and angrily paces to the other side of the room. 

Eren swallows hard, the sting burning as he swallows hard. Eren prays that Hange and Levi show up any moment to give Armin his script, so that he can retreat to the room with the two of them for the rest of the day and finish writing the script with them. 

“I’m sorry.” Eren adds, for what feels like the hundredth time. 

Granted, Eren doesn’t think there’s a quantifiable number, a tangible amount of times he could say sorry that Armin would forgive him. And Eren, in earnest, can’t even blame him because he can barely forgive himself. 

For getting so carried away.

Eren lifts the camera, dislodging the film from the camera, before inserting it correctly. There’s a click as it slides into place and Eren gently puts the camera down, as Connie walks up to his side. 

“Hi Eren.” Connie states, giving him a very hard smack on the back. 

“Ow, Connie.” 

“My bad. It’s just my humongous fucking biceps, I can’t even cont-” 

“Yeah, yeah. Okay, Connie. Pipe it down like the notches.” Eren states, shoving him off to the side. 

Connie settles into the couch next to Eren, as Eren can’t help but nervously shake his legs, from Armin’s pacing around the room. He’s picked up the camera from the table, fidgeting with it in its hands as he gets used to the new settings. 

No matter how much Eren tried, he couldn’t find the same brand of camera that Erwin had bought Armin all those years. Of course, Erwin had opted for something vintage and of course, something that Eren wouldn’t be able to replicate. Eren had opted for the next big thing, the camera models that Erwin had designed with the polaroid company, as a special. 

Because if he can’t have the exact camera Erwin gave him, he can still tie it to him in some way. And it in no way takes away what Eren did, but he hopes it rebuilds the tiniest of bridges between them.  

“I like the new camera, Armin.” Connie states, giving him a smile. 

Fuck. 

“It’s kind of shitty. It’s not really working.” Armin states, Eren’s skin burning at the seething look that Armin’s giving him. 

“Well, we’ll help you figure it ou-” 

“What’s your deal, Connie?” Armin asks. 

Connie’s taken aback, awkwardly laughing, as he lifts his hands up. 

“Huh? What ever do you mean, good sir?” Connie asks, mimicking Galliard’s stupid British accent, an increasingly irritating habit of his. 

“What kind of shitty game are you playing right now? Pretending like things are fine.” Armin asks. 

Connie sighs, Eren sensing the tiniest bit of frustrations in Connie’s shoulders. In the past few months, one of the only things that Connie had been looking forward to was coming back here. An opportunity for him to get back into his roots, to be around people who would support him, before he got back out there. 

Before they all did. In a way they never really had before. 

And it was increasingly frustrating and even debilitating for Connie to realize that things were different when he got here. Because Armin was still harboring his hatred for Eren, he found out that Mikasa had taken Y/N out of her wedding party, that Y/N was coming back later than everyone else, that really the past few years had caught up to everyone the way they had to him. 

Except he was the only one, besides maybe Eren, who was trying to go back for it. And it was increasingly frustrating for him, when no one met him where he was. 

“Look, Armin. I think we should all just cool down and talk about-” 

“Talk about what? About how you’re being naive as fuck right now?” Armin asks. 

“Forgiving isn’t naive. And there’s a lot that you don’t-” 

“How can you even stand Eren, in good faith? He’s the reason that you had to go to rehab, Connie. The reason that you had to stop acting, that you stopped talking to me and Sasha and Marco and-” 

“That wasn’t Eren’s fault.” Connie states, doing little to deflate the stupid welts of shame Eren was feeling. It’s one thing to have a shitty voice in your head telling you all the things you’ve done wrong. And it’s an entirely different one to have the entire world echo it back to you. 

But worst of all is realizing your best friend echoes the same thoughts, shares the same sentiments that are buried in the shittiest parts of your brain. 

“How was it not Eren’s fault? He decided to start working with horrible people, he was the one who decided to date Hyla and backstab Y/N and-” 

“Armin. You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about so how about you just quit while you’re at it?” 

“I don’t know what I’m talking about. You’re the one who's forgetting everything that he did. All the shitty things he said-” 

“Is that what you’re going to play victim about? I can promise you, that measly little argument we had out there where he broke your camera is fucking childsplay to half of the shit that Eren and I saw when we were there. You’re lucky that you left the second you did because-” 

Armin shoves Connie into the wall behind him, which has Connie shoving him back. Levi, who has cosmically perfect timing, yanks Armin off while Eren grabs Connie, bracing his hands on his shoulders. 

“Connie. Quit it, man. You’re better than this, he doesn’t-” 

“What right does he have to say that to us, Eren? He doesn’t even know what it was like being there, with those people and-”

“I know, I know, man. Just, he doesn’t know. And he doesn’t mean it, he’s just hurt about-” Eren whispers, as Hange walks Armin out of the room and Levi joins them at their side. 

“Are you okay, Connie? Do you feel like you have to-” Levi asks, not daring to say the word. 

“No. No, I’ve been good for today, but I just-” 

“Okay, Connie. Let’s not talk about it. We should head to set anyways, they’re going to be filming soon. We can watch.” Eren states, his hand firm on Connie’s shoulder as the two of them trot out of the room. 

--

Sasha trots into your room on an odd Thursday night. You and Eren are nearly tangled up in the bed, his hand brushing through your hair as she gives you a meek look from the doorway. She has a rather meek look on her face, almost shy. 

“Hey, Y/N. Do you have a second?” 

You look up, Eren’s warm hand on your neck. And it’s the fact that she’s here and not wreaking havoc with Connie, with that awkward look on her face, that sets off the first alarms to you. 

“Yes. Eren, get out.” 

“Um. What happened to please? Please, oh sweet love of my life, sunshine boy of mine?” 

“Eren, love. Get out. I’m being serious.” you respond, giving him a narrowed look with your eyes. 

He catches on quickly, giving you a quick kiss on the cheek and Sasha a squeeze on the shoulder as he pads out of your room. You tap the spot to your left where Eren was just sitting, as Sasha climbs onto the bed next to you. 

“Ew. His spot is all warm.” 

“Yeah. He’s like a human heater, sometimes I have to shift away from him while we’re sleeping because I literally start sweating.” 

Sasha lies down flat on the bed, eyes fixed on your ceiling, as you follow suit and cross your own hands across your chest. The silence hangs in the air between you, as you wait for her to break first. 

“Do you think I’m pretty, Y/N?” Sasha asks. 

“What? Of course, I think you’re pretty.” 

“I-I don’t mean in a friend way. Do you think guys think I’m pretty?” 

She turns over on her side, resting her face against her arm as she looks at you. You mimic her motions again, noting the welling of tears in her usually bright eyes, as your heart drops. 

At sweet Sasha, asking you something like this. 

“Sash.” 

“I was online earlier. And I-I guess I never noticed that everyone on the cast seems to be…coupled up. Or at least the girls are.” 

“That’s not true, Sasha. What about Historia?” 

“Yeah, but that’s different. Reiner had a crush on her. Ymir still does and-and people like her. Really like her. You can’t really say the same about me, can you?” 

You sigh. Because you know, deep down, that the thing she’s talking about is one you can’t relate too. And that anything you said could be a deeper salt in the wound. The two of you sit in silence, as you wrack your brain the hardest for the best thing to say, when Sasha tangles her fingers in with yours. 

“Thank you.” Sasha murmurs.

“Huh?” 

“I was kind of expecting you to do that whole…shitty you’ll find love someday thing. It’s nice to just have someone here sitting with me, letting me feel it.” she states. 

“You’re valid in how you feel. And I-I know I’m not the best person to come to about this but-” 

“No, but it’s nice. Just to have someone acknowledge it. Sometimes it’s so shitty when people just expect you to be so optimistic about love, expect it to come when you’ve been waiting forever and you just want someone to fucking hold you or something.” 

You open up your arms, which she rolls her eyes at, before smiling and tangling into your arms. It’s then that you see the picture of you and Levi taped on the wall and remember his letters, the one’s he gave you to write the song with for the vow renewal. And the idea springs to your mind. 

You dig the letter out, the one where Levi detailed how special Hange was to him, that she made him feel real and loveable and give it to Sasha for the night. And when she trots out of your room, you immediately head to Levi’s room and knock on his door to ask him for what might be your biggest favor yet. 

Naturally, he obliges. And takes Sasha out on a date, to make sure that her standards are set straight, whenever someone does come in her life. 

You try to fight the embarrassingly large smile on your face as you watch Sasha from a distance, with the tall haired blonde who you’re told is Nicolo. And you know you’re not reaching, because it would be obvious to anyone with eyes that something was going on there. 

Things were drastically different. But some of them are for the better. 

You hear a set of footsteps behind you, only to find Falco and Gabi, the girl from the polaroid, standing behind you. Falco has a rather awkward look on his face, surely from the fight not fight the two of you were having, while Gabi has her hands behind her back. 

You give the two of them a warm smile, and notice Falco visibly deflate, as you tap the floor in front of you. You’re only halfway through the script, not having reached the scenes they were filming today or even your appearance in the show. 

“I’m Y/N. Falco’s sister. It’s really nice to meet you.”

“I-I know who you are.” she states, her voice awkwardly rambling as her cheeks flush pink. 

“I know who you are too! Something we have in common.” you respond, giving her a smile. 

She reaches forward, shaking your extended hand, and you notice how clammy her hand is against yours. Or really, that her entire demeanor seems to be off. This seems less like the Gabi you had been hearing about, bold and confident on the set. 

“I have something…really weird to tell you.” she states, mumbling. 

“What’s up?” 

“Please don’t think this is weird or anything. But you’re a really big role model for me. And-and you always have been.” 

Oh. Oh. 

It’s at this moment that you realize what’s happening. And it’s only something you can recognize because you too used to be that awkward mess of feelings for Hange. Your heart warms in the biggest of senses, that she wasn’t in that group of people who hated you, at least you didn’t think she was from the way she was acting. 

“Gabi. It truly means the world to me that you say that.” you respond, putting a hand on her shoulder and squeezing. 

“Really? I-I was so scared I was going to weird you out and you were going to hate me. I-I was most excited to see you when I got here, I’ve been listening to your songs since I was little and I feel like you’ve helped me through so much that I just-” 

“You haven’t weirded me out at all. This is very special to me, that you-you feel this way. I’m glad that anything I have done was able to reach you, even if it was in the smallest of ways.” 

She deflates, that awkward tension in her shoulders leaving and being replaced by tears wellington in your eyes. You’re not sure why but the entire reaction has tears welling in your eyes, as you open up your arms which she all but dives into. 

“Can I ask you for a weird favor?” Gabi asks, climbing out of your arms as she returns to her seat next to Falco. 

“Anything.” 

She pulls out the sleeve from behind her back and you try your best to swallow that disgusting, acidic venom in your throat. She hands you her copy of The Lucky One vinyl, the vinyls that were specifically distributed without your permissions. 

Vinyls that you didn’t even make a cent off of. That put millions of dollars into the pockets of the two people that you hated the most. 

“I have signed copies of all of your vinyls. Except for this one. I was wondering if yo-” 

“Sure. Do you have a pen?” you ask, fighting the discomfort in your skin. 

You open up the sleeve, ignoring the picture of all of you on the front, as you write. 

Gabi, 

I feel like I’m the Lucky One for getting to meet you. I can’t wait to see where you go from here. 

Love, 

Y/N 

You shut the vinyl quickly, handing it to her, and murmuring something about being hungry as you shuffle away to the snack table. You don’t miss her excited face, the way she excitedly grabs onto Falco’s shoulder, as she reads it to him. 

Levi rings the bell, calling for them to take their cues, as you settle into the chair. Colt, Gabi, Udo, and Zofia stand on their marks, as Zofia crawls under the rock placed there. You can see that she’s coated in set makeup, blood running down the side of her face, as Levi yells action. 

“Get up, Gabi! Udo!” Colt screams, picking up the two of them in their hands. 

There’s tons of extras running in the peripheral, the sound loud and jarring as they all scream. 

“Stand up! Hurry!” Colt says. 

Gabi turns her head, a quarter of the way, to where Zofia’s laying under the rock, and that’s when you realize it. 

That Zofia’s character just died. 

“Zofia?” Gabi states, her voice so painstakingly grating that it makes you flinch and your throat immediately dry. 

Udo runs to the side of the rock, bracing his hands on it, as he screams and you realize too quickly what’s about to happen. 

“Hurry, we have to lift this!” 

Except the extras march perfectly around Udo, just to knock him down, before they all mimic running over them. You quickly notice the makeup team run in as the camera focuses on the people running, and what you assume is going to be Eren’s titan, as they drench Udo in red dye, cacking it onto his porcelain skin. 

And when you hear it, it’s enough to make your stomach hurt, to have the contents in your just about ready to come up. 

It’s Gabi. Sweet, soft Gabi letting out an ear splitting scream, as Colt holds her close. The looks on both of their faces are so blank, so dead that it’s enough to sprout tears to your eyes, that quickly fall down your cheeks. 

Levi quickly calls cut, as Udo and Zofia stand up from their marks, and come out laughing. They’re both still caked in their red makeup, giving each other high fives, when all you can do is clutch your chest in pain, at that painstakingly painful feeling in your chest. 

And you’re not sure what exactly it is. That’s bringing this up for you. Until one of them says it, in passing. And you know they’re just kids, that they mean well, but it hits you so hard that the entire events of the day come crashing down in one second. 

“God, Udo. You’re messed up. This is a horribly fucked up version of the Lion King.” she states, placing her hands on her hips. 

“Shut up, Zofia. We both know that your death was way worse than mine. You basically suffocated to death under that lame ass rock.” 

Udo and Zofia remind you too much of Marco. Too much of filming that scene, all those years ago and being blind sided by it. By walking into the set thinking you were going to watch something normal, only to watch one of your best friends pretend to die. 

Only for him to really die years later. By suffocating to death, under the crush of the metal. 

Your cries are muffled by arms coming around you, quickly rushing you out into the cold air of the set as they continue to film inside. The embrace is warm, accompanied by soft words you can’t even barely hear, with the sound of the blood rushing in your ears. 

It’s all consuming. That’s the shitty thing about your grief. It’s buried deep into the pits of your heart and just when you think you’ve moved past it, when it’s standing behind you and you’ve grown past it, it hits you in full flesh when you least expect it. Leaving you debilitated, paralyzed. 

Alone. 

You only clock that it’s Eren from the smell. It’s clean and minty - a mix of his laundry and the deodorant he wears - as he only brings his arms around you harder, his voice finally coming into recognition in your ears. 

“Y/N. You’re okay. It’s okay, you-” 

You try to respond, only to let out a garbled sound. Eren pulls back slightly, the entire image of him, that overwhelming pounding in your chest and him catching you off guard. 

“I’ve got you. No one saw, we don’t need to go back and-

Eren’s hair is long. So long that it’s secured into a small bun in the back of his hair. And as always, his eyes are washed over in concern, his hands rubbing small circles into your skin as he all but stares you down. 

“Er-” 

“I know. You don’t have to say anything. It reminded me of him too.” 

“I just-” 

You come up short on words as Eren expectantly looks at you, waiting to hear what’s on your mind. And you can’t even fathom that feeling into words if you wanted to. 

“I don’t want to go back.” 

“Okay. Let’s take lunch.” he states, gesturing to you to walk towards the townhouse with him. 

You give Eren a meek nod, as the tears continue to pour from your eyes and that hollow feeling fills your chest. The two of you walk in silence, Eren not taking his hand off of your wrist as you pad back into the townhouse, completely deserted. 

Eren’s quick to move, shuffling around the kitchen, as you lean against the counter with your head in your hands. 

“Do you want me to get you anything? I’m making ramen but it’s still boiling.” he asks, setting a glass of water by your side. 

“No mushrooms, Eren.” you state, glaring. 

“I remember, Y/N.” he says, so softly that it stings. 

And a few minutes later, the two of you are sitting side by side at the table, with the steaming bowls of ramen in your hands. And the entire events of the say, each stinging thorn in your side, are the only reason you can fathom as to why you talk to Eren, of all people. 

“I feel like I’m trying really hard to be my old self again, Eren.” you state. 

You look over at him and he doesn’t respond, only giving you a nod, like he’s asking you to keep going. 

“I-I want to be how we all used to be. But it’s like that person I was, those feelings I had, they’re all buried somewhere deep in my head and I can’t find it. And I hate to think that she’s gone. That she has no place here anymore.” 

You move your chopsticks around in the bowl, through Eren’s perfectly diced vegetables and sigh. 

“Every person I look at, all I can do is remember everything. How it used to be.” you state. 

Eren looks to his left, at you staring at him with your big, tear filled eyes, and swallows hard. And thinks hard and deep, at everything that’s changed. 

He leans forward, crushing your hand in his own, and hopes that the message gets across to you. And when you lean your head against his shoulder, he’s positive that it does. 

Eren relishes in the one thing that seems to remain. You, sitting next to him. 

--

next part linked here

an: ALRIGHT BABY GIRLS. buckle in. the next chapter is called the new romantics! dare I say....the next chapter has the F word.........FLUFF WITH A CAPITAL F

taglist:

@k0z3me @kayleegomez @yihona-san06 @bsenpai @sweetenertea @mykyoon @violetmatcha  @rebeccawinters @cutiejg @bokutosthings @bookwrmm @mblrrr @wheredidmycrowngo @somethinginyoureyes7 @chilichopsticks @okaystopwhore @you-always-made-me-blush @itzmeme @firelordazulaaaa @whoami-72 @g-ghostly @intimacywithceline @erensmoodygf @cocomellxn @princess-ackerman @jaegerfiles @cacapeepee @squirrelspoetry @rui-0836 @moonmalice @invisible-mori @sofiasber @bbybeeb @timetobegone @tee4str @ttokki2 @leave-rae-alone @ec3lipsy @officialsimpp @gojojang @yookayyo @lordbugs @multiplefandomthings @iobeyfandoms @camilo-uwu @justanotherkpopstanlol @mel-star636 @fvckingeetar @ttalgi @najaemism @ilovekimchi123 @youraggedybitch

pls comment on this post or any of the chapters if you want to be added to the taglist <3

[crystalprepshadowblogs]

Mod Will Be Taking a Short Break!

Hi Shadowbloggers, mod here! As the title of this post suggests, I will be taking a short break. The reason is as follow: Mod is running out of contents to post. Yes, after weeks of giving this blog a weekly update, I actually ran outta things to post and that includes my scheduled buffers too. So, this break is pretty much needed for me to plan out more exciting contents for you guys and for keeping myself away from burning out just to rush for an update.

I hope you guys understand as scripting, storyboarding, drawing, colouring and typesetting an update for this blog is all done by me alone and they all take time on top of my 9 to 5 job lmaoo.

I promise I'll be back in a few weeks! For now, have a sneak peak of the final part of the Shadowbolt's Babysitting Shenanigans that I'm still working on. It'll be around 8 pages long (hoo boy... *sweats)!

(Super low-res image cuz no spoilers heehee)

While waiting for my return, feel free to keep the questions coming! I'll still be looking through them and picking/filtering out questions to answer/to be posted for future contents!

Also, don't forget that my chibi commissions on Ko-Fi is still open. So, if ya'll are interested, feel free to drop me an order (just donation works too)!

Until then, stay awesome folks!

[jellazticious]

“You can’t rush art”

I think everybody can recall the quote from Toy Story 2. From the most satisfying part of the movie where we see a montage of Woody getting restored by a toy maker. It’s one of my favourites too, I absolutely loved looking at the different procedures used to fix a single toy. The toymaker’s precision and care were found mesmerizing by everyone. As a multi-hatted artist, one that can draw, sculpt, animate, and write, I can say that it’s spot on that there’s so much to do for a single piece of work. HOOO boy, you should see how me and Beefy are organizing Cursed to Charm, there’s so much.

For the upcoming webcomic, we design characters, give each and every one of them their stand-alone story, design different clothes, create the map, draw renders and posters, polish scripts for the episodes, plan to program the comic’s own website, make the backgrounds eventually, etc. To people who aren’t artists or take art for granted, to them, art is stroking a paper using a pen and BAM instant masterpiece. No no, it’s more than that.

Another thing I’d like to say about the comic is that the progress is very slow yet very fruitful because of the time taken. Me and my co-author came up with the idea at late November, which makes the comic four months old now. However, with all that time passed, we have already finalized the list of nine episodes of season one. We have also written seven out of nine summaries from that season before actually writing the dialogue in detail. We have a rough four seasons worth of story progression in the span of four months. Nyeh, excuse the little ramble about CtC, I’m just giving insight of how much should be done for the production of anything which leads us to the next point.

Art production in general.

Movies, animation, shows, video games, books, comics etc etc

All of these are part of art, some people would deny because it isn’t sophisticated like they’re lead to believe art is supposed to be. Art is literally just creation man, can’t get any simpler than that 😩 if you made something, then you made something woohoo! Congratulations you made art, cooking included. It came free with your fucking humanity.

Anyway, just like the webcomic, every single one of these listed also have a set of different procedures that will piece together the final output.

Let’s take Disney movies as a specific example, I want to talk about something real quick.

So one time, I was watching Tarzan with my parents and we stuck around for the end credits. My mom pointed out the animators are divided into sections and there’s so much names on them. There are different teams of animators for each character and these teams are divided in two for the storyboarders and the clean up artists. When the credits rolled a bit more, it showed that the background artists and colorists also have their own sections too. There’s so much people working on different body parts of a movie. I got the habit of reading end credits of every movie I watch, animated or live action, then I would compare the credits of old and new movies. Boy, let me tell you that the work space on old movies are FILLED compared to newer movies. One thing I noticed about Disney movies although, is that the old movies have more sections compared to new ones. The major difference of old Disney and new Disney are the length of the credits and the time gap of the movies. I’m really not trusting the way new movies have way shorter end credits while the publish time of new movies are getting narrower and narrower. Before the 2000s, movies usually come out twice a year and sometimes there’s a two-year hiatus before the next batch of movies are published. Now there’s at least two or three movies that publish yearly while also releasing a bunch of shows in the middle of it. I really don’t understand business talk with the way it sacrifices quality over quantity. Like I get having money is great and all but what’s the use of hoarding it? Especially when there’s so much news of people about to be in poverty and mass layoffs. Why should companies earn money if they’re not going to redistribute it back to the economy at all? This is a little off topic but I want to point it out that people in the 80s used to buy whole houses by being a janitor but nowadays people could barely afford a one room apartment even with three jobs. The Simpsons is an example of this because it was set in the 90s and the family is constantly reminded of how “poor” they are. They even created an episode that talks about the same job that supported people’s fathers will no longer support you nowadays (Poorhouse Rock ep22 s33). It’s fishy and I’m salty about it especially because I hear so much people complaining about how they’re not being given a chance to work. Anywho! Let’s go back to art.

I’m just spitballing my thoughts here but somehow they’re connecting either way. All I’m trying to say is that for the people who care so much about the quality of art, it’s noticeable that they get downgraded, not just by the look but by the way they’re written.

Example.

Clone High.

Jesus Christ, the new show is a nightmare and an insult to the original Clone High. The difference is clear with this one. The original Clone High was heavy satire of every single high school trope used in shows and movies. Every single character was meant to have one personality and that personality is the butt of the joke. The original did not care about making the characters appealing because the appeal is found in the way they interact, they clash so much and a lot of them are idiots. The writing is funny because the dialogue flows so easily unlike the renewal. The renewed Clone High takes itself too seriously and it tries too hard to be relevant. It’s funny to me that fans can draw the original’s art style more accurately than the animators hired. What’s even more frustrating is that concept art was released from the art head and the concept art looked way better than what they decided on the final designs. Other than the art style that tries to be marketable, the writing is insufferable with the way they try to be “relatable” without understanding why the original jokes were funny to begin with.

Now we’re all familiar with this cheap tactic of using the title of successful franchises to grab clicks and views. It’s every live action Disney film, it happened to Scooby Doo, Marvel shows, FNAF, some Cartoon Network shows, Megamind, and now even Kung Fu Panda. Basically MILKING. It would have been better if the productions TRIED to understand the original’s intentions which they forgot about. They ended up being disappointing at best and soulless at worst. I won’t be explaining much cuz I’ve already reached the minimum word count lmao. I’m just rambling here, I better not see anyone interrogate me in asks or replies. ANYWAY, I’m gonna get to the point real quick.

Back to the quote at the start of the post, people tend to forget that. Art is a skill, not a button people press and it gives you pretty pictures or videos. Art is a job and an effort. While art is subjective and it differs from person to person, one thing for certain is that art that is made ingenuinely will never be better than art that is made because the artist loves art. This is why the Tom & Jerry reboots with the lineless art style even if they had a storyboard artist who understood the cartoon wackiness (which were discarded for a “cleaner” and faster style). This is why it’s so frustrating to see concept art of movies which have more appeal than the final 3d models. This is why FNAF Security Breach was nearly unplayable.

Because they all rushed art.

They rushed in favour of what is marketable, no matter how unappealing it is. Everything could have been better, some final products are good, but all of them could have been better. As good as what were released pre 2010s when production had a passion. You can’t spell heart without art.

I’m just really passionate about art in any form since it’s everything that created me too. I will not be here at this point in time if it weren’t for me learning that there’s so much beauty in the world if you could just squint and appreciate why that’s so. I’m defined by my works and it only hurts and infuriates me that people who have the ability and accessibility to create better art than I do waste it for their personal gain or selfish intentions. Everyone could be a better person because of art just as it did to me. Again, it came to us the moment we’re born, art isn’t just a pretty picture, it’s everything we create out of love, passion, time, and effort.

But really, to the wise words of Chef Saltbaker, “like any good bake, heart and soul is the secret ingredient”

You can’t rush art.

[night-error]

MAP CALL!!!! 4/21

I've been working on this for AGES (ever since Ep 2 of tpc s2 came out)

Parts!!

Intro-

Pt1- Thewolferclan087 (yt)

Pt2- Thewolferclan087 (yt)

Pt3- me- (I rlly wanna help with the map even tho im the host)

Pt4-

Pt5-

Pt6-

Pt7-

Pt8-

Pt9-

Pt10-

Pt11-

Pt12- astronic-fr

Pt13-

Pt14-

Pt15-

Pt16-

Pt17-

Pt18-

Pt19-

Outro-

Rule 1- When posting your part here do not use a watermark or greenscreen, but if you're posting it on your social media then you are allowed

Rule 2- just for safety please make your parts 3-5 frames larger than it is incase it is accidentally make just too short.

Rule 3- You are allowed to collab with someone just tell me who it is so you both get credited!

Rule 4- the length of the part must be 1920×1080. If you mess up with the size then it's absolutely fine just try to make it around that size! ^^ (I actually broke this rule myself while making the reference/Storyboard)

Rule 5- Dont judge others parts, we are all at different levels of skill. You will get 3 warnings before your part and role will get taken away

Rule 6- do not be afraid to ask for anything!

Rule 7- try to make the characters look as cannon as possible!

Rule 8- don't rush the you'll have 2 months to complete this map so please use it. If you are still working on it past the 2 months and have provided with a wip and another wip to show your process so far you'll have an extension of about 3-4.

Rule 9- You can use any type of animating, although I'd like to keep it 2D and Gacha will not be allowed.

Rule 10- do not trace others work. I also would discourage tracing the storyboard but if you are very struggling use it to help you!

Rule 11- Have fun, it can be stressful at times to create a map part up to your own expectations but do not stress yourself on it.

Rules may be added on if I haven't made things clear enough! The map may seem strict but I assure you im trying not to make it strict!

Script!

Heads up-

WITHIN THE FIRST HALF CIRCUSIC IS NOT TO LOOK BACK AT IRIS WITH ANY SORT OF SADDNESS OR REGRET. IRIS IS ALLOWED TO DO THAT BUT NOT TOO STRONG OF EMOTIONS

Intro- The intro will have 'Evelyn Evelyn' on it for a good few seconds before it fades. The closed boom beside the text is the picture book from 'iris's discovery'. It opens slowly revealing 3 pictures, 1 of the right and 2 on the left (is optional for what you put in the ones on the left, but keeping it iris and circusic themed is good).  there should be a few second pause before the camera zooms into a picture of past iris and circubit. Making it full screened.

Part 1: young iris and cirusic are standing within a forest. Circusic doesn't seem sure about where they are and is of course nervous. Iris lightens the mood by pulling a funny face which they both laugh at. After the laughing brings a slight tear of joy to cirusics eye which he wipes will iris moves forward. Their chestplates glow when iris's hand reaches forward, trying to take circubits. Circubit also steps(/skates) forward but the screen will turn white just when they are about to touch.

Pt.2- iris and circubit walk (/skate) in different directions from eachother, stopping when they are satisfied with the distance. Iris looks down at the floor while this actors.

Pt.3- the camera focuses on Circusic who doesn't seem impressed. Circusic calls iris a parasite but the camera switches to Iris after the sound 'Para-' is said. After that iris is supposedly hurt by that and a tear forms in his eye. It is quickly replaced with rage as iris turns his head around yelling.

Pt.4- iris does a full body turn, facing circusics back. He stomps his foot with rage of what circusic thinks of him. This annoys circubit.

Pt.5.- The camera faces cirusics back. As he slowly gets more and more annoyed as he speaks. Eventually yelling and moving his hand before regaining his composure slightly.

Pt.6- there's a side view of iris, his eyes are closed and his hand is at his chest. He then opens his eyes and ever so slowly and gently reaching his hand out to grab circusics shoulder. The camera slowly turns somwe can see out off iris's POV. Before iris can touch circusic the screen turns white.

Pt.7- the scene starts with a flash. Showing a much more brighter time with many flowers blooming. The ghosty past circusic slowly turns around to iris, who pulls his hand back a little. Iris then hesitantly reaches forward, wanting to touch his chestplate since the memory he is experiencing feels real. The screen turns white again.

Pt.8- the white fads and circusic has a harsh grip on iris's hand, his face is filled with rage. He then forcefully shoves iris's hand away, using great force.

Pt.9- the camera focuses on a side angle of circubit. Cirusics head slowly faces down as his eys glare at iris. The camera slowly moves over to iris as he pulls his hand back to his side. Annoyed of what circusic just did.

Pt.10- iris raises his head slightly when talking to circubit to make him seem more bigger. he then closes his eyes tightly.

Pt.11- the camera is quite a bit away from iris as he talks, his eyes are still closed and his hands are behind his back. The more iris talks the more the dark side of him covers his face. Eventually half of his face is covered when that happens a red flash appears and iris opens his eyes. The red silhouette of the King appears in front of him, slowly fading.

Pt.12- Circusic starts to walk backwards but tries to keep up a brave face to iris.

Iris is still walking forward, he swings his arm in a one side motion to show his anger.

Pt.13-  Circusic is still moving backwards although not as fast as he previously was as he does hands gestures to iris showing him both rage and confusion.  Iris, also slows down at his face, angrly pointing at circusic.

Pt.14: circusic is frustrated and brings his arms up to his shoulders, he then clenching his face and glares at the camera (aka iris). Iris has folded his arms as he stops walking. He gets frustrated and he tenses his arms up.

Pt.15- another flashback occurs of iris and circusic having a laugh. The camera zooms out and it shows the scene of iris and circusic appearing in iris eye. The pupil of it softening up remembering it. The scene cuts to iris chest, where he reaches to his chest place and grabs the clothing surrounding it.

Pt.16- the screen spilts, having iris on the right and circusic on the left. Iris pulls his hand away from his chest closes his eyes small tears can be seen forming. Circusic pulls his hands from behind his back to his sides. Moving his head downwards in a glare. The background around them gets darker and duller as they also seem to get a bit darker. Their chestplates light up with a black glow

(The camera slowly zooms in the entire scene)

Pt.17- both their chestplates are glowing, although unlike when they were kids they glow back. The camera continues to zoom until it slows down. Iris opens his eyes and leans forward, tears dripping down his face. Circusics eyes go smaller and tears are forming but nothing comes out. They both stop yelling and glare at eachother with tears. Before the screen turns to black.

Pt. 18- the screen is still quite dark. But the shilluette of past iris and circusic can be seen sitting on grass. The reaper can be seen for a few seconds, before it tuns back to iris and circusic.

Pt:19:  the reaper flashes in once again raising its scythe. This time, iris and circusic look back with fear in their eyes. The reaper flashes in again, this time its scythe is fully raised and it can be seen swinging down just for a second.

Outro- The carma goes back to iris and circusic except they aren't there. In their place are 2 flowers. The one is circusics place is drying and has pink at the top of it. The other flowers petals slowly fall to the floor, leaving it with just the pollen. The camera switches and shows the book from 'iris's discovery' laying down, its closed and is in a dark area.

Please reply to the blog so I am be to tell you if a part is free or not!!!

Discord if you are thinking of getting a part!!!

https://discord.com/invite/nak553wg

The map should be completed by 8th August!!

Goodluck for those who are participating!

[dootznbootz]

You mentioned Telemachus having sharp Naiad teeth. Imagine if he used those teeth to take out all the suitors. With Odysseus’ help of course.

Sadly, would probably leave him open and vulnerable to attacks :'D So he probably wouldn't unless really desperate.

Sharp naiad teeth are more for "I can rip through any fish scale and bone and be fine." as an adaptation for water life than for battles between mortals. Odysseus watches so lovingly seeing his Water wife and Water son devour whole fish.

Telemachus is around 37.5% Naiad and he'd probably be using water from the canals to trip suitors. Even then, he can only work with a certain amount of water. Penelope has MUCH more control and she's kind of there as well. Imagining Odysseus seeing a bunch of dudes drowning, only to realize it's not Telemachus, itches my brain. He starts cackling and gets a special bloodlust when he realizes she's "there". It's another reason why he's so hurt when she firsts rejects him as "We were basically flirting during our dinner, you drowned some suitors. You KNOW it's me! WHY?!" but uh...He doesn't know that Athena had to tell Penelope not to drown the "stranger". She was mostly trying to make sure Telemachus stays safe and along with you know, killing the suitors now that she has "permission". There's more to it but yeah lkasjdf sounds nuts but I think it'll work.

Penelope looked him in the eye during that dinner, tears still damp on her cheeks, and says "You say all these things but My Odysseus, who fidgets with his clothing and who bounces his knees in time with my own, would never leave me weeping while he sits. He would throw his arms around me!" "...He would if he could." Then he goes to sleep outside and she's pissed and he's a mess. :D The "Beggar" looks nothing like her husband but he moves and talks just like her love, his voice unsteady as he praises her. What the fuck is going on? Basically she knows it's him but also is like "Why would he keep himself from me?" Like how Odysseus tells HER during the treebed scene

And Athena is editing her fanfiction document for these two as "You little fucks weren't supposed to be doing this! I kept your tears from falling, Odysseus, why do you have to be such a sap?! Shit! Back to the storyboard."

Anyways!!! :D

Naiads usually don't bite people unless they feel they have no other option. Odysseus is an exception as he does have ONE "special bite" from his special wife because he's a little freak who wanted it rdtfygufgh. Penelope bit Palamedes on his forearm as he held her back as he took Telemachus from Anticlea and Penelope rushed after him. Odysseus is haunted by the image of both his wife and son sobbing while her teeth are stained with blood. He gets sick pleasure seeing that scar on Palamedes' arm before he gets him killed.

And as a whole, there are actually a couple "rules" Naiad born soldiers have to follow that are very important within war.

With battle, even if you ARE naiad born, you have to ask the river god "Hey, this is getting really bad. Can we work together for this?" As River gods are usually like "I am here for your consumption, bathing, and healing. You will not use my water for violence." (Why Achilles gets his ass kicked and why Naiad born soldiers don't just "drown people")

If someone/something is attacking your river or YOU, like an animal wreaking havoc (like the big catfish! :D ) or a person trying to kill a single naiadborn, then self defense is fine. Daphne got turned into a tree because Apollo outranks nymphs and the river gods. River gods don't fuck with Olympians but he still wanted to protect her.

Though once you have your own water source (canals, vase full, etc.) you're technically free to do whatever you want with it. (Penelope loves this loophole 😈 The Palace waters are hers. and Telemachus' too but you know.)

With the war aspect, however, there are so many wounds that are like "wow, you probably have an extreme infection or should've killed you eventually". BUT it's convenient when you have Naiad born soldiers that can "heal you up" (Penelope's brothers are part of Menelaus' army btw!!! :D )

It's kind of why it's become a "If a man is still alive when they're picked up and rescued, that doesn't mean shit. A naiad born person will fix it before they even bleed out. If they don't die instantly, they just come back."

Same with fighting among nymphs btw.

Even if you're naiad born, you can't just act like how you do at home with a foreign river. Feel free to jump and swim and wet your scales but stay out of their business. If the naiads of Athens decided to punish people by poisoning the waters, you, as a Spartan naiadborn, do not meddle! Can't start purifying it to give to the citizens. Maybe for your OWN people who came with you on the foreign expedition if you ask but don't meddle with foreign river problems. Each culture is different.

Took a while for Penelope to adjust and improve relations with Ithaca naiads because of this. And when Tyndareus and Icarius were exiled, it was a culture shock for them as they're 50% naiad. Even with non-naiadborn, it's a shock. Menelaus and Agamemnon were in Sparta during their own exile had to adjust too, though Menelaus definitely fit right in. (I'm so excited to write about 18-20 year old Agamemnon's first interaction with 9 year old Penelope. It's a misunderstanding at first but it's wholesome. Spoiler: Have you ever been in a place and then a random little kid starts talking to you and then they give you a leaf or something? YEAH >:D It's that but sillier. It's cute.)

Honestly, I'm playing around a lot with the whole "Sparta being very military-focused" thing as it's really kind of fun to think of people having children with naiads/naiadborn as somewhat of a strategy. If you can't have demigods, nymph born children are still better than fully mortal ones. It's why there ARE so many naiad born and why interactions are basically informal in Sparta in my fics compared to other places. Like Ithaca.

I got really offtrack but in conclusion: There are special rules and customs of each freshwater source. And how battles are affected by it. Telemachus doesn't bite any of the suitors but probably uses water to help him and to heal his and Eumeaus' wounds.

[cancan-jpg]

HENLO! currently very bored and sick in bed rn, so i thought i'd give everyone an update on the past semester i had at animation school as Proof of Life, since i've been so inactive on main lately hehe!

Spent this entire past semester working on Building A Guy, through four different assignments - design, modelling, texturing/surfacing, and rigging! Super excited to animate him next term!

Got re-elected to Student Council for the 2nd year in a row - i like to think i'm very good at it! :D

Entered a local game jam with some friends, wrote a (still unfinished, still buggy) visual novel, with the rest of my team on art and RenPy code dev, and we won a prize about it! Crazy for a first game!

Went to art galleries and saw selections of Silly Little Guys

Worked at ComicCon at our school's promotional booth! Spent basically a week rushing with friends between class, the con, the occasional evening student council event, home to sleep a few hours, before doing it all over the next day 😵‍💫 loved it though, an artist i hung out with at the con printed Doom Patrol stickers JUST for me since they weren't sure there'd be an audience 🥺 Met interesting folks there, also chased at least one rude karen-type out of our booth

Got really into co-op TTRPGs - my friends and i have board game nights sometimes, and our fave at the moment is a narrative survival Space Horror game called Nemesis! I'm also a Betrayal at the House on the Hill enjoyer, i'm basic <3

Currently lead writer/production designer in an animatic production team for our storyboard class - I can't reveal details publically in case the pitch makes its way into Graduation Film team selection for next year (in which case it'll be watchable one day! By you! But until then we'll sign NDAs for understandable reasons), but YOOOOO i'm hyped!!!! Excited to hopefully spill the beans one day 👀✨️

Ended the term with a bang before passing out with a cold RIGHT at the start of winter break (our winter is in June). Stuck in bed but catching up on media - i finished reading Legends & Lattes (very cute, very gay), watched Team Starkid's "Nerdy Prudes Must Die!" at a friend's recommendation, and borrowed another friend's copy of "The Hand, The Eye & The Heart", a transmasc Mulan retelling in a fantasy setting!

I think that's mostly everything new! Hope to draw for fun again while I'm still on break, and hopefully get around to posting some animations of my silly little guy!!!

[cat-mermaid]

I have a Rescuers Down Under theory that I've been sitting on for over 10 years

I want you to watch that movie if you haven't in a while, do you notice something odd about how the main characters, the little boy and the mice, interact?

No?

So for those who don't know, the movie is about two mice who go to Australia to save a little boy and an endangered eagle from a poacher

The mice (and some third guy) spend the whole movie trying to get to this boy

The boy spends the whole movie in the clutches of this poacher, who is using him to catch the eagle

If I were to make two edits of this movie-

-one with only the mice (and some third guy) scenes and no cuts back to what the boy is doing,

-and one with only the boy/eagle scenes with no cuts back to what the mice and the third guy are up to,

-up until the point where the two plots finally meet up and the movie proceeds like the theatrical release,

-they would each seem like their own self contained movies.

(also don't talk to me about the albatross being tortured in the hospital side plot thats just filler and not relevant)

57 minutes into this hour and 17 minute film, the mice and the third guy meet up with the kid. They go "we're here to rescue you!" and the kid simply asks who are you then immediate whips away to yell at the eagle about stuff

He then for the rest of the move proceeds to say nothing to the mice and the third guy, only visually reacting to the things they say and speaking only to the eagle

And at the very end of the film when he, the mice, and the third guy are flying away on the eagle, the boy speaks one last time to his eagle friend but does not acknowledge the mice/third guy or what they have done for him

He never says their names

not once

Friends and Neighbors, I propose to you the following:

Rescuers Down Under was originally a film about a boy named Cody, who goes out and rescues animals from traps, who makes friendz with a giant endangered eagle and then has to figure out how to escape from and defeat a poacher who wants to kill his friend

along the way he teams up with other animals captured by the poacher

with their help, together they thwart the poacher and save the eagle and her eggs

thats it

that was the original movie

it was created to capitalize on two big trends at the time in the 80s: 🐨AUSTRALIA🦘 and ENVIRONMENTALISM🌏

and it was so far along in the production that they even had the dialog all recorded

BUT THEN

at some point during, someone decided hey um shit its the disney animation dark ages and no one is going to our movies, and this kidnaped kid story is a lot like that original Rescuers that came out like 15 years ago or who cares so TURN IT INTO A SEQUEL 2 THAT because Rescuers is our most successful animated film in FOREVER GODAMMIT EVERYTHING ELSE SINCE TANKED AT THE BOX OFFICE

and they fucking rushed and did just that, and then frankensteined the the new Rescuers plot line into the main plot, cleverly keeping the Rescuers (and the third guy) from getting to the damn kid untill almost the very end.

⭐AND AND AND⭐

Because there is so much action going on and no time to stop and chat or anything, they gracefully avoid either characters from having to have a back and forth conversation

that part where they first meet and the kid says "who are you"? Lifted from earlier in the movie when he was talking to all of these guys:

In fact anything that sounds remotely like he might be communicating to the mice or the third guy? These were lines meant to be spoken to the captured animals, who were originally aiding him instead of the Rescuers. I would bet cash money there is a shit ton of cut audio and storyboards somewhere with the caught animals in the climax of the film instead of the Rescuers/guy number 3

In fact I'm dead sure they were supposed to be a huge part of the movie, they got so much screen time, all got introductions and had their individual personalities established and then they and the kid all worked together in this one scene-

-establishing that they can all work together as a team and overcome adversity via cleverness and ingenuity

but then once the poacher comes for the kid and takes him away to go after the eagle? We never see them again or find out what happened to them. Doesn't that strike you as odd? To give these random characters so much precious screen time and then just have them never show up again?

The scene after this shows that the mice/that hopping mouse trying to cuck the other mouse got into the poacher's truck to follow after Cody. Wouldn't it have made sense originally for the captured animals to have stowed away on the truck so they could follow along and help? Just say'in

(also the implication is that with the poacher dead and the kid/mice not indicating to the audience that they're going back to rescue the animals, the animals are going to starve to death. I mean you could argue that its been established they're capable of escaping buuuuuut its a strange story choice to just leave that plot thread unresolved. Its almost like it would all make sense if the animals whole last act was cut out😏😉)

anywayz

Wow this sounds like a huge pain I hear you thinking was it really that hard to be able to go back and get that kid to record like a few more lines with the VA's of the mice?

christ it must have been if they were forced to finish the movie like this

yet another piece of evidence to my theory is the very end, that long still shot of the side of the cliff where that albatross was hiding with the eagle eggs

barely any animation, just his tiny silhouette moving and him talking the whole time

As someone who has watched a lot of animation and seen a lot of weird decisions made because of the constraints of the budget, it smacks not as a fun idea for a scene but out of a OH FUCK WE HAVE TO RESOLVE THAT THING WITH THE EGGS AND THAT STUPID BIRD AND WE CAN'T USE THE ORIGINAL SCENE WE HAD PLANNED BECAUSE IT ONLY FEATURED THE KID AND EAGLE/THOSE OTHER ANIMALS AND WE CAN'T HAVE HIM AND THE MICE AND THE THIRD GUY TALKING AND WE HAVE TO END THIS MOVIE kind of desperation

so

so anyways thank you all for coming to my ted talk and remember that this is just my fun crackpot tinfoil hat theory I only take half seriously

BUT WAT IF

[doubleddenden]

A little more beta stuff was leaked recently- this time focusing on Legends Arceus and Scarlet and Violet.

So first off, I won't link anything outright to my blog just in case. Find it on Twitter, YouTube, or Reddit.

Second, there's nothing about beta Pokemon so far- and I kind of doubt there will be in the files given the games were rushed to a degree. But it is strange, both have elements in them that could have changed the final games a bit- probably Arceus moreso, as SV's is more on the graphics side.

Third, i am not a leaker nor do i personally have access to the builds- this is strictly commentary on *videos* you can easily find yourself. This is simply just thoughts I have- some may agree or disagree, I'm not arguing.

That out of the way: Legends Arceus

So first of all, we finally have confirmation that the modern bedroom found in LA's game files (as in the final distributed product) was indeed a remnant of what would have been before the official beginning we got. There were storyboards with it that depict the player watching a professor give their "Welcome to the World of Pokemon" speech, then it zooms out to reveal the player was playing a game on TV, they take a break to scroll on their phone, then digital shenanigans happen on the phone and the player gets sucked into a whole in reality.

This is old news to some- but there's also unfinished animation that depict this, basically only modeling the player and the tv- the rest is grey. It seems to be an idea they were serious about, but decided to cut it- I think it's for the best tbh. I never have liked GF's "kids and their smart phones" rhetoric and this made it seek like we'd rather be on our phones instead of playing the game.

Onto gameplay, there's footage of beta Hikari (has a headband instead of the bandana) and a Unovan Zoroark running and JUMPING around in the field. They battle with a Luxray in what appears to be auto battling with some limited commands from the trainer. This actually validates certain leaks for Legends Arceus and perhaps maybe even pre SwSh? Anyway, they claimed GF were debating intensely on a new battling system, and I believe one even compared it to Digimon World Next Order- this certainly matches the description, imo, but definitely dumbed down and in early phases. These rumors would persist a while during LA's marketing phase, so the decision to change to the system we have must have been last minute.

On a personal note, I know there are a lot of fans that are tired of the turn based battling system, but I'm personally glad we didn't go down the road of auto battling. It looked awkward to watch, and also it would make catching pokemon hell because there'd be a chance to knock it out when it's in the red. It does need work for sure- but I would argue it just needs work on an animation, camera, and overall aesthetic angle rather than try to fully shift things to a new system you know they wouldn't get right for a long time.

Back to the facts- there also appears to be a very early and very janky ability for the player to ride their Zoroark? I think? At the least, although both models are running on top of each other (developer beta, keep in mind), the player DOES seem on top of Zoroark, who does seem to gain a massive boost of speed in response.

Side note- this does harken to the supposedly canceled game: Pokemon Rodeo, where you ride Pokemon around. I believe footage showed the area where Scyther hang out in LA, and the project had been worked on since 2019. Perhaps they wanted to try to implement it in LA, but they scrapped the idea for accessibility via the ride system.

It's also clear they wanted to do something with Zoroark all the way back here- they weren't kidding when they said Arceus would be a very experimental game, it seems.

Onto the next game: Scarlet and Violet.

Scarlet and Violet beta footage doesn't really glean much other than a similar build of the final product (and let's not kid ourselves, the game is clearly unfinished). However, there is 1 unused music track, I think, towards the beginning of the game.

There's also a much different LIGHTING and SHADOW system compared to what we got in the end. It honestly looks way better than the final product, and it meshes with the environments WAY better imo. Most likely it was changed to the inferior one for performance purposes, as the game did somehow run slower than before (in an emulator, but still).

Personal take- I know some people's gut reaction is to immediately blame the Switch for being "under powered," but do keep in mind it could handle BoTW, ToTK, Xenoblades 1, 2, and 3, and more while still handling pretty decent shading. It is curious, however, that ported games such as Red Dead Redemption or Fate/Samurai Remnant might have some issues in a similar manner (there are some leaks of pc versions of some of these games being leaked, but they require very specific pc builds that would make them harder or impossible to run on much besides dev kit or Switch hardware). I don't know if this would be an issue with creating with the Switch 2 dev kit and having to downgrade- we know that from other leaks, GF had been experimenting with improved performance on Switch 2 dev kits as of one of the earliest Indigo Disk leaks- circa Dec 2022 or early 23. However, I don't think they had the kit during early SV's development, as it started in 2019 or so after SwSh ended development, and the Switch would only be 2 years old at the time- I think this is simply poor management and direction from people TRYING to get that BoTW look, but not wanting to update their tech or habits to properly accommodate it and not wanting to take their time with it. I think we all understand there was just a maelstrom of things going wrong for SV's development from the Pandemic, to trying to follow their same flawed release cycle, bad management, etc. It's a tired topic at the least.

As far as other things in the actual build, there does appear to be a... well, honestly? BETTER pop up menu for the bag and menu. It's stylized in a pretty unique way that feels nice and organic to the game vs the final product. The bag menu sort of overlays to the regular game like the finalized start menu does, but cleaner.

I can only guess this was changed because it affected performance somehow- perhaps related to the game's strange habit of being lit up when the battle menu appears in the final product, or maybe just another slow down like usual. It's too bad, it looks really good.

Between the bag and the lighting system, I hope both come back for gen 10. There's serious promise behind both.

As for anything else worth noting- like the LA beta, the SV beta has a lot of unfinished areas, nothing really worth noting on that angle.

But picnics- those loaded way quicker before, despite the game running slower on emulator. And sandwiches? Well, they were planned back then, too. It does appear to be an earlier build, as the guy was somehow tossing eggs from UNDER the sandwich to the bun, and underhand throwing the top bun on top instead of the finalized orbital drop method we have for both.

The only other things worth noting is that the player had a Lucario and Staraptor on their team (the Lucario is interesting considering Unovan Zoroark was in the Beta LA build). However the menu displays other things instead, such as Charizard (of fucking course), Poliwrath (not available in game until Teal Mask), MUDKIP (wouldn't be added in until ID dropped), and Nidoqueen- who isn't available in the final game AT ALL. Of course, these are just menu sprites and none of these actually appear in the videos- in fact, other than the creepy blacked out Koraidon, Staraptor, Lucario, and I think Staravia flying around, I don't think there was a SINGLE other Pokemon visible in the overworld.

Oh, and it does appear that the initial uniforms were planned very early, as the blacked out model matches the overall shape. Personal note- I hope they got that out of their systems. I hated it so much, and it was probably another time saving measure planned from the beginning.

Final thoughts: it's interesting hoe the beta build seems to be Scarlet- idk if there's one for Violet specifically, but looking on it, a lot makes more sense from a Paradox design and story angle if you just assume Scarlet is the canon game. It's easy to think of how a Great Tusk can kill a man in Area Zero 200 years ago, not quite how a robot could- and the final explanation certainly doesn't provide satisfactory explanation as to how it arrived there before the time machine was built.

As for appearance: Some of this makes me remember an official game freak reveal of early SV at Game Freak's CEDEC 2023

And this is officially revealed info. The Snorlax is definitely photoshopped in, but the shading and rock textures look a lot like this beta build. It does look better than the final build, there's no real arguing with that.

Again, I'm hoping whoever in charge thqt needed to learn a few lessons DID, because some devs were clearly TRYING to make some ambitious ideas work but just couldn't on the time alotted or the programs used. I think I heard they wanted to transition to Unity or Unreal for the next games anyway, so maybe programming it will be easier going forward and we can finally achieve these graphics they wanted. Probably not with ZA, but it'd be a nice surprise for Gen 10 or something.

That's all. Have a nice day

[hardworkandguts]

Weekly Catch-up #9

I've been watching too much Gundam this week, but at least with the exception of SD Gundam I'm out of the 80s now, only 35 years to go. Also picked up another show from this season, but I'll only cover it in a few weeks with a show post.

(last week)

What was on?

The Apothecary Diaries

(ep 2.21) Loulan passing to her mother the idea of punishing the poison gremlin with poisonous snakes, all fat and lazy and ready for hibernation, knowing she'd have no problem overcoming it is the sort of move that sets up an incredibly funny opening to an episode (it's been a while since we've seen someone weirded out by Maomao because by now everyone in the rear palace knows she's a bit weird) that gets more grim as it goes by. You have to feel sorry for Loulan and Suirei, made to dig their own almost literal graves, and of everyone on their clan, by petty revenge of the matriarch of their clan, and neither really wanted to drag Maomao into this, and now as the smoke of the Forbidden Army is drawing close, knowing that their defeat is a fait accompli, they're doing their best to prevent more senseless suffering. In, uh, many ways. Next episode we're probably getting someone sparkly knocking on the door of the fortress with hand cannons asking if they saw his cat. Also, this episode finally overtakes the manga adaptation it is based on, and out of curiosity I've checked the other one, and on several scenes the storyboard seems much closer to the Kurata Minoji version than Nekokurage's. Coincidence, as the first is allegedly closer to the LN, or not? You be the judge.

Mobile Suit Gundam GQuuuuuux

(ep 9) so, we get to see what Machu was up to while Nyaan was eating cake and vaporising people - being questioned by Challia Bull over Shuji and a "Rose of Sharon", and after mysteriously finding a way to escape to earth on the GQuuuuuux, she finds herself crashing and waking up being taken care of in a brothel by instruction of a brown-skinned girl with green eyes. So, yeah, add Lalah to the "you need to know who this is" list, and keep some space for what's left, because this Lalah sees her backstory from 0079, also a universe where Amuro kills Char, who she patiently waits for. If Gundam multiverse wasn't enough, wait to see what Challia Bull fishes out of the water. With less than a handful of episodes to go, I feel either they're surprise announcing it will continue in October, or this might be rushed as hell, half-assed multiverse stuff often sucks.

Kowloon Generic Romance

(ep 10) well, that's confirmed both Xiaohei are the same person, the one who jumps between part-time jobs and wears dresses being the generic, the mystery is still why both can exist in Kowloon at once when every other generic just disappears. In the adventures of Kujirai and Youmei, Kujirai realised she can see glimpses of Kujirai-B's life through her old glasses which undoubtedly freaked her out, but also made her realise Kudo doesn't look at her the same way, which... Yeah. A new mystery also appears in the form of the charms glued to the wall, some with http errors. What are they meant to be? Good question.

Witch Watch

(ep 10) Nico continues to help other students, but it attracts the attention of a main villain of many school anime - the student council. In this case, a cast of characters in the true sense of the word, as they are a collection of anime clichés. Second bit has Nemu struggling with the idea of talking to Morihito again, so she does the stray cat thing without thinking and falls asleep on his lap again. Not the best episode, I think the student council bit lasted maybe twice as long as it should have, and while Nemu is a fun character, particularly when we see her her thought process as she tries unsuccessfully to not fall asleep, it's a bit of a repeat. She did run into plot, however.

Food for the Soul

(ep 9) ah, yes, the festival episode. That's a lot of work for a club that was supposed to be about doing noting, or so Shinon thought, not that she seems to mind. You know a show is in a good place and doing a good job of characterization when Nana seems particularly happy about the idea of a food stall, and you think to yourself "hey, shouldn't she be kinda anxious about having to work with strangers" seconds before she realises just that, or when Shinon gets the agriculture club president to provide them with ingredients and you are right along the other characters in thinking "what did she promise to do in return this time?". Another bit was Nana training to become more sociable, and after freaking another student out, she realises if they can't see her face she can act normal, leading to an idea very much on the ballpark for Hitori Goto. Also, good call on not making her a deer, the "mascot who sells its own species for food" thing is kinda suspect. Today's dish: venison curry soup.

mono Weekend Animation

(ep 9) another visit, this time to Kamikochi, Kurobe Dam, the tallest in Japan, where the group really can't handle a documentary about the human sacrifice of it's construction, and a visit to the venue of Ski Jumping in the 1998 Olympics. Also, Kako arriving independently at the problem or organising the Winter Olympics - with some of the infrastructure, there just isn't much else you can do with it. Comments around tell me the old man in the motorcycle was a supporting character in Laid Back Camp, and I wonder if the reason the show didn't grow on me at all is that a big component of it seems to be Laid Back Camp cameos.

Uchuujin MuuMuu

(ep 9) Couple of weeks ago I've mentioned poor Sakurako can't get a break in the electricity bill, which has climbed to around $560 by now, and takes six shifts every week at a kombini. Even worse is that MuuMuu is ignoring the mission and just watches TV all the time, and when he isn't, his antics are the subject of news reporting, leaving Sakurako paranoid people might be out to get them. Then the police knocks on his door, and it's Junichirou Anamori, a public safety officer who knows what's up because he's covering things up with Siberia, other of MuuMuu's friends. A lot of good animation bits in this episode, although I have to wonder if the story shouldn't have them introduced before the final third. Today's lesson: a lot about TVs and broadcasting. Also, stun guns.

'Tis Time for "Torture", Princess

(Ch 272) Don't tell me you never stubbed your toes so bad you were afraid of taking out the socks fearing an end of Akira scenario down there and got everyone around you concerned.

Monochrome Days

(Ch 21) of course the idea of Fudo working for Miake terrifies Wakaba, who with even all assurances this is just a temporary thing, thinks he's going to leave her for a more experienced mangaka, and Barazono, who loves a good challenge, even less surprisingly sees that as an opportunity for the first to train under top talent, and to light a fire under the later so both surpass the writing of Miake. There's a good educational bit here coming from a challenge Miake has for her staff: drawing classrooms, one of the most typical settings in manga. It explains succinctly but well how the large number of objects, perspective, materials, and need for consistency provide a challenge to the background artist, and later a reflection on that might be the reason the protagonist so often sits in the back or next to a window. Never thought of it in that way.

In other news...

Do you like hobby anime and shiny rocks? Here's the Summer show for you. Personally I can't wait until by the third episode it becomes a show about drift racing or something.

City the Animation gets a second trailer.

[nexturlsart]

How I draw my short fancomic

A/N: This is not a tutorial or anything like that, just a little post where I look back my own process, celebrate my small success and be hopeful about the future. The comic in question, of course, is that House of the Dragon fan comic.

Forgive my spelling, English is not my first language.

I started drawing HOTD fan comic in July due to my hyperfixation as the show came out. We humans are all natural borned storyteller, but it's quite hard when it comes to telling a story with pictures. I have seen many examples of disconnected comic pages, that's what I fear the most. To learn everything I need about making comic, I searched educational videos on Youtube and listen to them while increase my drawing skills by sketching everyday. One of my favourites is Tim Mcburnie's channel.

I actually had a lot of ideas for this one comic, most of them are depressed. It's because in the show, I don't feel like Aegon, Helaena and Aemond have good relationships. But in the end, I chose the most fluffy idea to draw. I soon realized it's very easy for me to hurt a character's feeling, but I struggled to pull them out of despair or give that angsty story a meaning.

I finished the first storyboard in two days or so. In that time, I just focused on the flow and tried to find the best way to adapt my script, which I had written before. This might be the best part for me to work on, just pure creative work.

After that, I drew another storyboard that was more detailed and easier to understand on Ibis Paint. I added two pages so it wouldn't feel rushed. When I was sure that everything is okay, I started sketching properly, lining and then shading. That is the most time consuming part of this process. Sketching every panel alone took one month. I spent fifteen days lining, and fifteen days rendering. But now thinking back, I could have done it more quickly if I had study art fundamentals carefully, especially the background parts.

Minh Nhat, a friend of mine, had to sketch out gridlines for me to draw buildings and trees in. Without them, I would have messed everything up. And I was so lucky that when I asked everyone out on an Aegond group chat, Sylva agreed to help me translating my script.

This is the private script that I used to track my drawing speed. It has overall page description, characters lines and my notes.

While drawing, I have doubt myself multiple times. Drawing and studying in the same time is very stressful to me. When I don't study, I have to draw, otherwise I won't be able to make it. Somehow I lost a lot of followers online and I thought that people wouldn't like my comic because it was too personal, not to mention my art is not that good. There are so many artists younger than me that are doing way better than me. I know drawing is essentially for yourself, but it's hard to deny that I would feel encouraged when people read my comic more than they don't. Luckily, I have received so many heartwarming comments from people I admire in the end. I was very happy and even feel more confident about my skills, although I knew I still have to practice a lot.

After finishing, I feel like it was kind of funny that I can't print this comic out because of my poor layout, but neither did it really suitable to read online. I have discovered comic layout in Medibang so I guess I wouldn't make that mistake again.

Now that I have to study for semester exams, I currently can't invest that much time in drawing anymore. But I still have plans to draw comic in the future and next year, if possible, I would like to join a convention. If you have any idea of merchandise or comic, just tell me right here, I might draw them if I can.

[444lpblue]

Sacrificial Princess and the King of Beasts #5 - The Holy Beast of Immortality and Rebirth

Screenplay: Seishi Minakami Storyboard: Kiyotaka Kanchiku Episode Director: Masako Sato Chief Animation Director: Masahiro Fujii Animation Directors: Brian Barredo, Kazuyuki Ikai, Konomi Sakurai, Shinichiro Minami, Wei Xulong, Wei Feng Du

Still catching up on anime and started watching Sacrificial Princess some more. I'm a huge fan of the Sacrificial Princess manga, that is no secret, and I was a little worried about cramming so many volumes into the given amount of episodes, but after watching 5 episodes so far, the script has been genuinely very accurate to the manga.

I have no idea how he did it, but I will never doubt Minakami again. Each episode contains a lot of content, yet it never feels rushed. The way he handles the storytelling of Sacrificial Princess is so impressive. This episode, in particular, is one of the best parts of it. They only had about 5 minutes after introducing Bennu to give us some background on him, his character, and his personality, and to provide us with the satisfying moment of him being able to fly. I looked at the time left in the episode and thought, 'There's no way' they're going to do all this in one episode, but they did, and it felt perfect, honestly. I felt what I did when I first read this in the manga.

Of course, that also has many things to do with the episode directors and storyboard, who gave us strong visuals for Bennu's past and Sariphi's summoning. It was a darker and grittier visual than the show usually presents, but it doesn't get too dark as we always have cute-faced Sariphi shining in the light (literally) in shots to let the viewers know everything is okay. The visuals for the summoning of Bennu (especially the failures) reminded me of something almost like a Vanitas-type visual – a bit mystical yet somewhat foreboding.

Sato has worked on episode 1 and 5 of the show, which has been arguably 2 of the best episodes I've watched so far. They just stand out greatly in my opinion just in terms of how refined and visually potent it is. She just has such a great way to show the brightness that Sariphi exudes to others, while showing us the really dark and gritty nature of what's actually going on.

The animation for this episode was also consistent, while remaining conservative. People often give J.C. Staff a lot of crap, but I do not think they're a bad studio. They do sometimes push out mediocre material, but when they have a lot of their in-house animators like in this episode, it genuinely looks refined and animated enough. It only really got a bit janky in Episode 3, where the entire key animators were outsourced to Jumondou Seoul, Giza Studio, and Sonsan Kikaku. There was a noticeable drop in animation quantity and quality in that episode, having extremely limited amounts of animation and when it did move it was very stiff. However, when they come together to work on episodes like 5 and 1, it genuinely looks good. I don't think we should blame the entire studio for projects like Requiem of the Rose King because it doesn't really make sense. There are many factors that go into a project, and while upper management has a lot of control, each project, even if it's from the same studio, has different people working on it. Many projects also involve a bunch of freelancers, some great, some not so great, so the quality of a studio's projects can vary greatly. I see J.C. Staff as a decent studio that is sometimes judged too harshly.

If Sacrificial Princess can push out episodes like these, I wouldn't mind those dips in between the less important episodes. So far so good, hoping it keeps up for the rest of the series.

[k00299539]

Animation Brief 02 - Re-Invention in Storytelling 02

Having finalized the character designs it was up to me to put together the finished storyboard. Me, Summer and Zu had already collaborated on the storyboard and knew what we wanted, my job was just to polish those ideas into something tangible. Being the slacker team, we were a bit behind going into the weekend and with Summer and Zu busy I volunteered to finish the storyboard myself.

This is also where a key flaw in my college career comes into play. I cannot fucking read. Or at the very least I can't communicate cause my idea of what the final animatic needed to be was way off of what was expected of us. Honestly for a long time I thought we needed to create a full, finished animation. And while that might sound like a humblebrag about working extra hard, the reality is a lot stupider.

If you have two weeks to create a polished animatic and pitch, you'll probably create a pretty great animatic and pitch it well. But if you spend half that time believing you need to create a full animation, not only are you going to rush the pre-production, but your priorities will differ massively. I don't really mean to sound too negative, I just want to note that while I greatly enjoyed the project and I'm happy with my work, my initial misunderstanding of the project was a mistake entirely of my own making and the overall quality of the project suffered as a result.

Anyway, here's the storyboard lol

Above: The abyss staring back...

Ultimately I broke the storyboard down into eight scenes and about 90 shots. The process was great fun, incorporating elements from all three previous boards and smoothing out the continuity with new scenes was exactly what I love about storyboarding; refining ideas and polishing them to as best a shine as you can.

As I alluded to above, I think had I managed my time better and actually understood the project from word go, I could've made something better. To me a storyboard is all about continuity, if you create a good flow of scenes you can refine the visual flair later in the rough or layout stage. There's simply an element of confusion throughout my storyboard.

In a way it's a lot like the last project with the mini-me and parallax background. I really learned the importance of pre-production, because whether you like your foundation or not, you're gonna have to live with it.

Anyway here's the animatic lol

Above: Now with music!

The music was a last minute request from Zu. I didn't have time to really sync it up all that well but I knew in general I wanted Night on Bald Mountain to open with for the villain introduction and inciting incident, then silence during the death of spoon, and a slow fade in on Bolero for Dish's journey. I think having put it all together, I've watched so many times now I can't see it objectively anymore lol, I need to rest my eyes for a week.

I could ramble for a long time about every shot in the animatic and the how's and why's of them but I might leave that off for another post when I'm less tired. If nothing else, these slides from our pitch should give you an idea of where my head was at when making the thing in terms of visual influence and overall direction.

I'd also like to give a thank you to Zu and Summer who were a great team to work with, and made the whole project easy and fun, where it could've been difficult and miserable. A lot of my work is directly visible in the final product but all three of us contributed an equal amount to achieve the final result. In a real sense I couldn't have done it without them.