#rufus scrimgeour

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

do you have heretical thoughts on Rufus Scrimgeour? feel like he got a bit of a bad rap. dumbledore kinda biased harry against him immediately and then he apparently died under torture to protect him. but id love 2 know what u think.

Well, I don't know what people think, so I can't promise how spicy it is.

As it is, I feel much the same way you describe.

He's a minister official who we just see doing his job, and while a bit curt in how pragmatic he is (making it clear to Harry that he should interview for the good of the morale of the nation) his reasoning isn't wrong nor are the consequences of not doing it. He tries his best and it's telling he's killed off because of it, he couldn't be left to his devices as Voldemort needed an incompetent patsy in charge and Scrimgeour wasn't it.

To me, Scrimgeour's the guy who's very by the law, an honest politician and cop, but also someone who's not afraid to be extremely unpopular to do what he believes must be done. And someone who's not afraid to die horribly in humiliation either for that matter.

Harry's antagonism towards him is not very surprising and I can't condemn him for it because a) he's seventeen b) he had a shit time with Fudge the previous year and now fucking Scrimgeour wants him to pretend to support the government "for the people" c) as you note he's completely biased against the man by Dumbledore earlier in the book and for Harry everything at that time is framed as "them vs. Dumbledore". This is a boy who proudly retorts "That's right, I am Dumbledore's man" and doesn't realize that's not something he should be proudly stating like that/that Scrimgeour's insult in that wasn't just about Harry being loyal to Dumbledore.

If Scrimgeour gets a bad rap by fandom, it's because Harry's pull as the narrator is so strong that it's extremely easy to fall into his point of view without question.

[potterwatchsblog]

People like to speculate on what the series might have been like if Neville was "The Chosen One" instead of Harry.

Well, he was.

Harry was chosen by Lord Voldemort for their own private war.

But by taking away his parents, Bellatrix and the other Death Eaters chose Neville to fight them.

While Harry was off fighting Lord Voldemort with no one to protect or think about except Ron and Hermione, Neville was battling for the soul of Hogwarts with the entire student body as potential collateral damage.

While Harry was alone in the forest, Neville was at Hogwarts fighting the Death Eaters with Dumbledore's Army, the Order of the Phoenix, and the remnants of their families to worry about.

Note:- Harry was chosen for a solo mission. Neville was chosen to lead an army. ❤️

Tag All The Harry Potter Fans ❤️

[percyposting]

I think a lot about the Ministry and how it works as such a psychological horror. To me at least. When I think about it through Percy’s eyes during the war, it’s definitely horror. With murderers running the departments, people going missing everyday, thousands of arrests being made in such a short amount of time. The fear of it hanging over his head, that one misstep might land him in Azkaban. Maybe people he worked closely with would go missing and he’d just have to move on.

I also think about what it’s like for him to be so close to the Ministers, specifically Scrimgeour and Thicknesse. I find those two very interesting as characters. Scrimgeour is a hypocrite, and he’s not even a very good Minister, but he does die for the good of the people, for Harry and for Dumbledore’s cause. I like to imagine what it was like for Percy to work for him. To know him, then one day he “disappears” and then the next day there’s a new man at the head, Pius, who Percy is just suddenly working for as well. I’ve always found it interesting that each Minister kept Percy on. I know both Fudge and Scrimgeour did it to spy on the Weasleys and possibly Dumbledore and Harry by connection, which was always so futile and silly and showed how desperate they both were because Percy wouldn’t even speak a word of for to his family. But they kept him for that purpose. But then he’s kept with Thicknesse as well. Is this to keep spying? Or is it not to raise suspicion about their silent coup? I don’t think it’s either of these because I firstly, the Death Eaters had different means of spying on the Weasleys. They would track their every move. They didn’t need him. So this is an obvious no to me. And in regard to keeping suspicions low, I feel there’s nothing suspicious about changing staff for a new head of government. It’s normal, even for wizards, I’m sure.

So then why was he kept on? I honestly don’t know. Maybe I’m bad at analyzing this, but some reasons I can think of would be a way to trap him without imprisoning him. They keep him stuck under an imperiused Minister and keep an eye on him. Maybe they’re waiting for him to slip up.

I don’t believe for a second the idea they keep him on because they see any actual value in him. Even if Percy denounced his family on every level, they would still see him as a blood traitor and a Weasley. I don’t think that he’d be the exception when it comes to their suspicion about the Weasleys. One of the biggest flaws the Death Eaters/blood purists have is that they assign a label to those they deem lesser then never view them as anything other than that label. Percy is a Weasley, and to be a Weasley is to be a blood traitor. No amount of personal denouncing will change that, in my opinion! So I don’t think they keep him on because they feel he’s chill, or something. I think it’s more of a, we keep you here, we keep an eye on you, kind of thing. They put him in the perfect position to be tracked and studied and they wait for him to slip up so they can imprison him as a traitor.

That leads me back to the whole psychological horror element. All of this feels like horror to me. Percy talks about trying to avoid imprisonment at the end of Deathly Hallows but I feel the truth is he was imprisoned. In the Ministry. I can’t imagine what it was like to serve under a Minister you must know is being controlled — I always liked and subscribed to the idea that Percy knew Thicknesse wasn’t himself. Does this make sense in terms of how he acts towards him at the end of Deathly Hallows? No! But I believe it anyway.

After all this thinking, it makes sense for one to come to the conclusion that Percy would never return to the Ministry again. There will always be something haunted about it to him. After Scrimgeour, especially. All it would be is a graveyard.

[orion-lake]

Harry Potter Rewatch | Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Pt1

“ We won’t last two days with out her. Don’t tell her I said that.”

[saintsenara]

so here for scrimgeour investigating kingsley enemies to enemies who are lovers arc. but also what if Scrimgeour wasn't even sus? what if he was just trying to make conversation with Kingsley bc he wanted to ask him out and is really awkward about it so he keeps asking random things about the investigation . Kingsley is like 'he's obviously on to me' and is sweating bullets. especially with he keeps running into the man everywhere. meanwhile scrimgeour is convinced he's in a romcom

write this.

[starsofjewels]

HPQD- Illness

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Hi!

Welcome to my first post of x reader fanfic nobody asked for.

I thought I'd start off strong with an imagines series for the Questionable DILFs of Harry Potter (don't ask).

I have no memory of writing half of this- may God bless us all...

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CONTENT WARNING: (non-descriptive) emetophobia warning for Fenrir (and Igor's) paragraphs

Barty Crouch (Sr):

I’m not sure what you’re expecting from Barty, but he’s not one to coddle. If you’re lucky, when you first become ill he might get you some tea and a paracetamol before he leaves for work; more than likely, he leaves it to Winky. Of course, that’s until the little elf appears in his office one afternoon, terrified that you’re dying. Barty expects blood, and tears. Instead, he finds you huddled up in bed with a temperature, complaining that the house is too cold, covered in blankets and sweat. He persuades you slowly to peel back some of your many layers and take some medicine, with gentle words and sweeties. If you aren’t infectious, and you promise to be good, he’ll snuggle you when he gets back from work, and let you eat in bed. Most of the time, your care is left to Winky, and yourself.

You need peace to recover, my darling. I’ll be back at six, alright? Get some sleep, and stay hydrated.

Fenrir Greyback:

Honestly, Fenrir is one of the best carers to have if you’re ill. Remember the wolf instincts? You’re his mate, not some mudblood he’ll use until he gets bored. In his community, being a mate means something, and it means you get a big, hairy wolf man to smother you until you get better. He’s slightly useless in terms of what you actually need, and you might end up with tampons even if you don’t need them. His reasoning? Yeah, he doesn’t really know. He just figured you might need them… at some point… but he does try his best, he’ll clean up your vomit and you, and get you tea. He’ll rub your back and give you cuddles, which he’s surprisingly good at. Please, give the poor wolf man a list of what you want, he has no idea. He’s trying though, he is.

I’ve seen worse than sick, love. C’mere, shh, shh. You’re fine, it’s all fine. Did it get anywhere? I’ll get your pyjamas, okay?

Rufus Scrimgeour:

Now, you’d think Rufus would be quite similar to Barty, but he is, in fact, a slightly more useful Fenrir. Unlike the other two, Rufus sort of, actually knows what he’s doing. He may just be utilising aftercare techniques, but it seems like you’re alright, so he’s not going to try anything else. He’ll take a few days off work; these days, all he does is paperwork, he’s not missing much, and you are more important. He does have to work, but there’s a desk in your bedroom for a reason. Rufus is probably immune to things you haven’t even heard of, the perks of being an ex-auror, so there’s no problem with snuggling you, and spoiling you to the ends of the earth. No matter what you want, you can have it. Toast in bed? He’ll have the elf bring you up a tray. A kangaroo? He’ll laugh, but you will receive a kangaroo teddy before you’re better. He’ll make sure you keep your fluids topped up, and will persuade you with anything to make sure you take your medicine.

I know it doesn’t taste nice, lamb. I know. Why don’t we have some hot chocolate afterwards to take the taste away. Yes, pretty girl?

Lord Voldemort:

Yeah… I don’t know what you think you’re getting, but you’re not getting it. No snuggles or kisses from everyone’s favourite Dark Lord, no. Lord Voldemort takes your care very, very seriously, and that means extreme overprotection. The minute you even sniffle you’re dressed up in a nightgown like a dying Victorian noblewoman and brought unceremoniously to the healers. A cold, a stomach bug, or something more serious are all treated with the same attention. You are treated like you have some exotic disease, or something that will kill you if you aren’t, and confined to your bedchamber. He comes to you, of course. He will always visit you. He’ll put a white hand to your forehead and tut when your temperature is still high, sitting by your bedside and encouraging tea down your throat, murmuring praise.

Still hot. If your care was adequate, you would have recovered already. Mh- perhaps I should have that student removed, he is too young to deal with someone of your calibre. Drink up now.

Igor Karkaroff:

Everyone’s favourite Slavic himbo is kind of… just there. He’s a huge germaphobe, and absolutely terrified of becoming ill. The moment you sneeze in front of him he has a mask and gloves on… I’m not joking, this man will do anything to prevent being sick. Of course, once he realises you’re actually ill, he’ll go into full panic mode- Sims4 parental panic mode- he freaks. Instead of worrying about catching the Black Death, now he’s panicking you’re going to die on him. Please gently remind him you aren’t going to die of the common cold, dear lord. And if you vomit, God won’t save you, he’s a letter away from sending you to the best hospital in the country. Once he’s chilled out a little, he’s not that bad as a caretaker. He has remedies- Teas, and all sorts he grew up with. If they get too much for you, he’s quite good at respectfully backing off and getting whatever you’ve actually asked for. If you’re having trouble sleeping, he’ll let you sleep on his chest and sing you lullabies. He doesn’t usually speak Bulgarian, or Russian, with you, but he will if you’re good.

Shush- no- you relax, stay there. I’ll get you something my mother used when I was a boy. Yes, I promise it’s fine, it does work. Stay there- no, I’m not worried. Are you worried?

[hxuse-xf-black]

[A mission went wrong and Tonks has to explain herself to Scrimgeour] Tonks: The risk I took was calculated. Tonks: But man, am I bad at math.

[snow-valley-wolf]

Scrimgeour will always be sexy in my head 👑💞 Besides, the opposite has not been written anywhere (and even if it is written, no one will convince me otherwise)

[tascha-schwarz]

Obsessing over fictional men isn't healthy. I'm sure there's a certain name to this disorder and an effective therapy to fix it. But even if I had a chance I wouldn't take it, because I LOVE it this way.

[ashesandhackles]

For @hprecfest Day 1: A favorite fic under 5k words

A wilder beast from West than all were by eldritcher

Mature. Rufus Scrimgeour/Andromeda Black Tonks

This fic has me in a chokehold and I will take every opportunity to rec it. Myth of Andromeda breakdown, social commentary and everything else in this restrained, beautiful prose.

Summary:

Scrimgeour investigates the myth of Andromeda.

2. The Snow Child by @saintsenara

Merope Gaunt/ Tom Riddle Snr.

My first introduction to Asenora was this fantastic (and vastly underrated among her work) folklore horror!

Summary:

Once upon a time, there was a girl who wished for a child with hair as black as a raven's wing, and skin as white as snow, and eyes as red as blood.

3. Runaway Boys by Delphi

Delightfully surreal and strange fic of Snape experiencing his puberty, with characters from Peter Pan.

Summary:

Severus dreams of pirates, and Lily closes the nursery window.

4. Entracte by @shes-a-gryffindor

Sirius' visit to Godric Hollow the night Lily and James died - the prose is so masterful with building tension, and how it seamlessly moves from Sirius' anxiety, to shock to grief and to rage.

Summary:

Sirius Black visits Godric's Hollow for the last time.

[grumpymartyrs]

I always hated it how the movies treated minor characters, particularly Rufus Scrimgeour who was erased from "The Half-Blood Prince" and whose role was basically reduced to bringing Dumbledore's will to the Trio.

I especially hated it how they didn't even mention his heroic death. Until today.

I may be imagining things (I most certainly am imagining things), but if you look at the dark times speech scene, there is this tiny moment right at the end of it

showing Scrimgeour standing alone in the Atrium

facing the crowd of reporters

with their cameras clicking loudly and all those flashlights that resemble... spells?

Could this be an allusion to the Fall of Ministry? I doubt very much that it was intentional but you know what

now I'm going to see it as one.

[rampanttheories]

On the Order of the Phoenix

At some point in time between the third task in GoF and Harry getting picked up during the summer the Order of the Phoenix was called back into existence and subsequently moved into Grimmauld Place.

Presumably, Dumbledore vouched for Sirius' innocence around that time as otherwise I doubt Molly Weasley would allow her children in that place and Sirius would probably get attacked by three competent aurors at varying stages of their careers.

Speaking of which:

Three competent aurors with a drive to do good (as evident in their joining a militia against Riddle) learned of Sirius' innocence and wrongful incarceration. And not one of them did anything about the gross miscarriage of justice under their noses. Which sounds off to me.

We have a very young auror at the beginning of her career and a blood relation to Sirius, so overall with very limited influence on the topic in Tonks. A retired auror known to be close with Dumbledore, who is subject to a smear campaign at that point, and a known paranoid bastard in Mad-Eye Moody. And an auror established in his career in Kingsley Shaklebolt. In my eyes the most likely candidate to attempt something.

From what we see of Kingsley he is well respected in the Ministry and regarded by the Minister himself. Fudge brings him along to try and arrest Dumbledore later in the year which speaks to a certain level of social and political aptitute. Additional evidence in this direction are Kingsley being appointed magical bodyguard to the muggle PM during Scrimgeour's term and Kingsley's own election to Minister of Magic following the Battle of Hogwarts. So we can assume him to be well-connected and able to raise topics at opportune moments in a way accessible to his audience.

The Ministry at this point in time is having an awful time and has been for pretty exactly two years. Starting with Sirius' escape, which rattled faith in Azkaban, the dementors and the aurors specifically who failed to re-apprehend him. Continuing with the repeated issues with the dementors at Hogwarts. Continuing on further with the embarassment of the Quidditch World Cup being overrun by deatheaters. And finally, most recently, the desaster the Triwizard Tournament ended up being with the UK having two champions, audience-unfriendly tasks, a judge disappearing, a champion dying and finally the claims the magical world's latest terrorist was returning from the presumed dead. And of course, the initial escapee was still on the run. The Ministry was scrambling to at least appear in control of everything, both domestically and internationally. Hence the attempts to discredit Dumbledore and Harry as the other regional public figures and seize control over Hogwarts.

Kingsley could absolutely go up to the ambitious Scrimgeour, I doubt his aspirations were unknown, and suggest building a small task force to catch Sirius Black. After all, the Ministry and especially the Aurors needed a win in the public eye and with all the other things going on Black wouldn't expect it. So if he could maybe have access to all files pertaining Black? The potential for Fudge becoming the scapegoat for all the recent troubles and Scrimgeour emerging as a new and trusted leader based on achievements remains unsaid yet is understood by all.

Potentially Scrimgeour takes the idea and runs with it himself. After all, the Ministry is adamant about aurors not being actively needed at the moment, he has the time. And he reads every single document on the case Black. Including any trial records and evidence filed. Which is astonishingly little.

Concerningly little.

Promisingly little.

Especially since Fudge was personally involved in the case and has been publicly bragging about it (see PoA in the Three Broomsticks). So it would very naturally reflect badly especially on Fudge and his administration if Black's guilt were to be re-exmined. And Scrimgeour himself would not only be a fresh face, but one righting the wrongs of his predecessors. With the support of a notorious house if the only surviving bearer of the name Black owed him a favour. It would also neatly subvert the issue called Potter. He'd probably be very busy getting acclimated to a new godfather if custody was transferred from that muggle family. Fewer claims of a second coming of that bloody bastard. All the better. Smear campaigns against children were never a good look on anyone. Now to get that innocence established, weren't there statements Fudge ignored last year...

Kingsley is very happy to stand back and watch self-interest get the right thing done. Scrimgeour would remember who gave him the idea and the Order would gain a powerful supporter and fighter. Wins across the board in his book.

TL;DR: Kingsley not doing something about Sirius' innocence is bullshit. Especially not when at that point everybody was ready to see Fudge go and establishing Sirius as innocent would be a perfect thing for him to fall over. Political intrigue accidentally fixing problems ensues

[fanaticforlife]

Victoria & Melbourne - Goodbye, Lord M

"And you can have music, whenever you want."

[ihsnamih]

[saintsenara]

for the ships, Rufus Scrimgeour/Kingsley Shacklebolt. the two men who canonically convince Muggle men to risk it all (the Muggle prime minister for Scrimgeour, and of course Vernon for Shacklebolt). do you think they were getting it on right through book 6?

thank you very much for the ask, anon! i screamed at the absolutely correct point that john major was ready to fuck the second he saw scrimgeour.

but the reason i back a wee bit of scrimbolt? it's actually rooted in order of the phoenix:

Lupin glanced at Harry, then said to Tonks, “What were you saying about Scrimgeour?” “Oh... yeah... well, we need to be a bit more careful, he’s been asking Kingsley and me funny questions...”

i love the idea that scrimgeour is intensely sus about what kingsley's doing - and that he definitely knows that the "sirius is in tibet" scheme is a scam - but finds it impossible to definitively prove to his superiors that kingsley's up to something.

him deciding - then - to do a bit of investigating... following kingsley around, perhaps? interrogating him late at night? always being in his face? tempers flaring when kingsley won't tell him what's going on?

a hot premise!

[starsofjewels]

HPQD: Pets

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This has been in my drafts for a hot minute, and I feel like it's time to have the second installment of the HPQD series before I start writing smut pieces 🤭. Enjoy xx

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Content: Language (Fenrir)

Barty Crouch (Sr)- Cat:

Contrary to popular belief, Barty will melt if you adopt an animal together. He grew up with dogs, as any good pureblood heir should, and a variety of kitchen cats and their numerous kittens. The moment you bring up wanting a pet he’ll scoff, and tell you he wants something that will be useful, and not simply another waste of food; an owl, perhaps, something bred to work. Of course, that’s not to say he won’t come with you to the pet shop, and the animal rescues, so that you don’t “make a foolish decision”. That is until the two of you come across a little kitten on one of your many trips to professional breeders. A perfect, grey little thing with darker stripes on her, the domestic tiger Barty would tell the breeder, who didn’t find it particularly funny. You have to take this cat home, you insist you do, and Barty agrees, more than happy to bring home his fluffy, weak little grey tiger. He spends countless amounts of money on this cat before it even sets foot in your house: the best, softest cat beds, the most expensive food and drink bowls, and luxury pet food that you are certain costs more than your trips to the market. It makes him happy, though, and you cannot deny him the pleasure of cradling the kitten in a towel and setting her down in your living room to explore your home, treating the thing as he would his own, human, child. You name the creature Lily (as in the tiger lily flower). Barty thinks he’s being quite clever, you say nothing. Lily, in true cat fashion, is not particularly stable in her showing of affection. She prefers you, but that may be because Barty’s office is quite cold, and he never lights the fireplace. Still, upon occasion Lily makes her rounds around the house, and you hear Barty talking to her as though she both understands and cares what he is saying. The cat, as it turns out, is a terrifyingly good mouser, and has even managed to snatch up a rat on occasion; you will never tell Barty how funny it is when he shrieks, finding a mouse running wild in his office, shrieking out for dear life.

Oh, Merlin! Darling, darling, come quick- There’s a mouse in the office! No, no I am not afraid of it, thank you, but I have work to do- And they carry all sorts of diseases. Can’t you teach Lily to leave them outside?

Fenrir Greyback- Tortoise:

The problem with Fenrir and certain animals is- well- wolves are natural predators. Cats? He will bark at it, make no mistake. Rabbits? Hamsters? Birds? You have about a day to bond with your precious pet, before it becomes nothing more than memories, feathers and fur. You suggest a dog, a new addition to his pack, he stares at you, half-offended: 

I’m a wolf! That’s essentially slavery, I can’t own a dog!

And so, you are left with limited options, and very little hope that you will ever find the pet of your dreams, much less something fluffy and cuddly. Fenrir attempts to fulfil your demands- Letting you snuggle him in his werewolf-y form. But he’s not always a wolf, and there’s a certain level of unnerving sentience when he looks at you, and licks you in some animal form of a kiss. By chance, one day at the office, you somehow end up in a conversation about one of your coworkers’ new tortoise, bought as a birthday present for her son. Just as you begin to question who would give a seven-year-old a rock with legs, you realise that a tortoise might just be the perfect animal for Fenrir, it comes with its own helmet, designed to keep it safe from predators. Your search for a tortoise ends in the local reptile shop, when you discover one no larger than your hand available for rehoming; a rescue tortoise, if you will. The operation to install a terrarium in your shed requires the assistance of a few of Fenrir’s Death Eater acquaintances, who teach you how to arrange the enchanted self-heating stones, and how you should properly assist the tortoise when it hibernates.

It takes Fenrir three full weeks of working in the shed to realise that his new companion lives there, and he freaks, like a child discovering a spider. He relaxes, eventually, in mild discontent that the reptile is taking over his space. He names him Lazy Fuck, but you call him Timmy. You can’t tell your new reptile-enthusiast friends the poor thing has such a name, after all.

God, does it do anything? All it does is sit around and eat that lettuce, lazy fucker- I have a name for him, Lazy Fuck! It suits him, doesn’t it? Well… you can call him Timmy, I’m calling him Lazy Fuck. 

Rufus Scrimgeour- Hunting Hounds:

Rufus is a little more serious when it comes to animals. He is a rather busy man, and his duties as Minister are much more important than taking care of a pet. After all, it wouldn’t be fair to leave the poor thing alone all day, and who knows how many nights, whilst you attend galas and dinners, and all of the perks that come with being the Minister’s little companion. You beg him for a dog, looking into doggy daycares close to the Ministry. A dog would need to be cared for whilst you are away, after all.He asks why you can’t just have a cat, or something small, and you give some vague response. 

Rufus caves solely on envy. 

He takes a weekend in the north, hunting, where one of his friends is accompanied by a small group of beagles. Because of those dogs Rufus does not win the competition they hold every hunt, and decides he must have his own pack of, much better, hounds. He gets himself a group of English pointers, which come in different, distinguishing colours, so he can tell them apart. More than likely, they all have classical names, from mythology, which he assures you are very well thought out- Think Marcus and Minerva, for the Roman gods of war and victory respectively. The house comes with ample space for the pointers to run about in the mornings and evenings, and upon disturbingly close inspection he eventually settles for a “luxury” dog care facility, the same one copious other ministers use for their own pedigree dogs. Rufus is rather happy with these dogs, but he quickly realises that it was you who begged for an animal, and he is not one to deny you. He comes home one day with a little, long haired dachshund, dressed up with a bandana in your favourite colour, and those tiny shoes rich people tend to buy for their dogs, named Frank Furter, of course. He will give in to the sausage puns, as long as they remain reasonably discreet, and you never tell people the dachshund has a surname. Frank stays with you in the house when Rufus goes out for his trips, running up to you with the prey his powerful siblings bring as though he helped.

I know you were upset the pointers are for my hunting, so I brought you a present. Look, don’t you love his little legs? He’s cute, isn’t he? Just like you, my love- here, I’ll put him down for you, why don’t you get to know each other?

Lord Voldemort- Guinea Pigs:

The Dark Lord’s household is cursed by snakes. He speaks to them in the darkness, large and small, and they come to him, as requested. They never hiss or bite in any way untoward, but you still find them everywhere. And it is not fair. He can call for serpents at any time, and yet you still have no pet to call your own. Nagini is long gone, returned to the ancient jungles, and mother to a clutch of snakes almost as large as she. He has his own history with animals, and not a pleasant one. As sure as you are that Lord Voldemort has matured from his days as the orphan, pre-magical Tom Riddle, something leaves you unsure. There is something odd about his behaviour, as he coos at the grass snakes who appear in the garden, and sneak into the warmth of your kitchen over the winter. Enough is enough, you deserve a pet too. 

Your home has ample outbuildings you can use to your heart’s content. He has no reason for them but simple storage, and merely batting your eyelashes and asking for one for your personal use will get you exactly what you’d like.

And you would like pets.

The Dark Lord puts his head to the table and groans when you ask him for animals. Eventually, he hands you pamphlets and brochures for all of the best Guinea pig breeders in the country. You may find it strange, but he has his reasons: Hamsters are irritating and die in odd ways, cats and dogs require too much attention, and he will not let you disgrace the name of serpents by trying to put one around your neck and wearing it as a statement piece to freak out Lucius Malfoy.

You get two female Guinea pigs- One black and white, the other brown and white, with fluffy hair you could brush if you so wanted to. They are named Lolli and Pop, and you will never explain why your new animal friends have such odd names; you just think it’s funny, but you pretend there is some deep-seated meaning as to why. 

The Death Eaters find it hilarious that the Dark Lord owns a pair of Guinea pigs, and even more hilarious when you begin fashioning tiny robes for your pets, complete with a selection of hats. He doesn’t particularly mind, not now that his followers have made it a point to give him Guinea pig-related items as opposed to candles and jewels. He has saved a small fortune on food and toys for your pets, after all.

Ugh- Another luxury grooming set from the Rookwoods. Is this amusing because of your little rats, or because I am hairless? Both? I thought as much. Put this with the others, and be thankful the money you are saving me on products for those infernal beasts is greater than a little childhood teasing. They said thank you? They cannot talk, dear.

Igor Karkaroff- Class Fish:

Igor despises all animals. He will accept no debate or argument on this. He hates them. There is no heartwarming moment when you bring him a stray dog and he falls in love with it, or an orphaned owlet you raise together- No animals. Full stop. You have very little options, as he will find a pet in your home in a matter of hours, and have you send it back from whence it came. But, you realise, he has no power over your classroom or your office. He may be High Master, but your rooms are yours to decorate as you see fit, and you want an animal. It doesn’t take very long to decide on either a reptile or something aquatic- Small rodents are noisy, and not much fun to play with during the day, anything too big is off limits completely. You think of a bunny rabbit, but it would be cruel to keep the poor thing in a tiny cage, when it should be out roaming the grass. It comes down to the popular vote of your upper classes, who all decide you should have an aquarium. Fish are more relaxing to look at, apparently. Working in a school with students whose pocket money amounts to more than your entire yearly salary comes in quite handy for acquiring an aquarium, an impulsive purchase from a boy’s mother, brought to you from years in their cellar, and very quickly you begin to amass a collection of items for said fish: live plants, gravel and even the fish itself. One of your juniors brings you a beautiful, red and pink betta fish in a little bag, and you are more than happy to take him in. Igor knows you’re up to something, now that you’ve barred him from entering your classroom, and have sworn all of your students to complete secrecy. He won’t ask, he assumes you’re having a moment, and are doing something odd- His current bet is painting your classroom orange.  

Although you are a little sad that your betta fish cannot live with any fishy friends, you understand that the creature will probably turn violent, and you cannot handle the possibility of explaining a fish massacre to a collection of twelve-year-olds.

The name of your new pet is put up to vote, again, and they decide, in shockingly agreeable fashion, that  it will be called Igor Sharkaroff, one of your personal favourite name options, and the one you voted for. 

Igor, unable to handle the mystery any longer, forces himself into your classroom, only to be met with his namesake fish. He rolls his eyes, tuts to you in words you know are swears and leaves, never to speak of the fish again. 

Until he finds out you've named it after him. 

Yes, I know I told you the classroom was yours to decorate, but I did not mean this! Ugh- No, the name is not funny, it’s a disgrace... Alright, it is a little bit funny, but I am not burying that thing when it dies. What do you mean, fish funeral?