#romantic attachment gave you the rebellion

[littleravenpuff]

i think i'm actually going insane over here

[yanderes-galore]

Fandom: Star Wars

Character: Darth Vader

Pairing: Romantic

Type of Fic: Concept (HCs)

Oh no... Anakin giving into the Dark Side... Hope I get things right :( Doesn't really go into it so you can imagine him non-burned if you want.

Yandere! Darth Vader Concept

Pairing: Romantic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Overprotective behavior, Controlling behavior, Manipulation, Violence, Murder, Isolation, Possessive behavior, Forced relationship.

Darth Vader is an Anakin who lost... everything.

His morals, his wife, his mentors, his mother, everything....

He is now a being of ruthless violence to try and justify his actions.

In a way he still wants to protect...

Even if it means stomping out rebellion for the Empire.

Vader no doubt knows he's become a monster.

Part of him wouldn't blame his obsession, whoever they are, for hating his presence.

But a lot of what he does would be for them... you.

Anakin... Vader... doesn't like change.

He has trouble with attachment and that was his downfall.

He has trouble letting go.

He used to be such a nice person.

Now... much has corrupted him.

Anakin has always had trouble with love.

He never wants to lose the people he loves.

Allowing him to have an obsessive and possessive attachment to those he loves.

I imagine Vader is the same way... deep in him.

He's driven to crave power to try and prevent anything similar happening to anyone with The Empire.

He thought he lost his ability to love when he lost Padmé.

Yet... he finds someone new.

Meaning, as always, his love is only harmful towards those he loves.

Vader would fear losing the one he loves again.

In fact, at first he tries to ignore such an idea.

He can't be attached to another.

A Sith Lord like him doesn't have time for another like Padmé.

But deep down... Deep down he craves it again.

Vader is one of the most powerful Sith Lords in the galaxy.

He is a man who takes what he wants.

Power, love, vengeance...

If he really wanted you, he could have you.

But why does he struggle?

All he feels is suffering.

When he sees you, a Jedi, a civilian, a rebel, someone who works under him... whoever you are...

He thinks of those he loved before....

He... He can't do it again, can he?

He's a selfish man.

A selfish man who hurts and kills those he loves.

If he truly respects and loves you, if he isn't just using you to cope...

He should let you go...

Yet as always he can't.

Darth Vader is powerful, arrogant, impulsive, ruthless, impatient, intimidating... and most of all...

Selfish.

Compared to Anakin, he's quiet no matter how you decide to see him.

It doesn't matter if you see him as you do in canon, or if you choose to use the fandom's un-burned version.

I still imagine he wears the helmet, the suit... and you hear that twisted breathing.

You may never truly know the man who took you from your home, who isolated you for his own benefit.

All you know is a cold mask and deep voice.

Along with his cold touch.

Vader is a man full of conflict.

His feelings for you do not help.

Vader is still a man who refuses to let go.

Once he obtains these new feelings for you, he can't just... get rid of them.

No, part of him still wants to love.

He doesn't deserve it, he knows that...

It never stops him from treating you like you're made of glass.

When the Death Star was around, he gave you your own room.

If not, you're never far from him.

I would not be surprised if he was more overprotective and possessive than he was as Anakin.

Now he's determined not to lose you like Padmé.

He may have been unable to save her.

Yet he'll succeed with you, he refuses to see otherwise.

Those who interact with you are closely monitored.

Any harm that comes to you is swiftly punished.

You're given a high security room and Vader often prefers to visit himself.

Vader likes his privacy with you.

By this point, it doesn't matter if this is wrong.

Vader finds himself obsessed with you and your safety.

He feels he can find love in you.

He wants to love again even if he can't.

It pains him when you flinch away.

He tries desperately to cup your cheek, to hold you close.

Frustration keeps bubbling within him when his attempts to change you, to make things work, fail.

Which often leads to him scaring you when he uses the Force to pull you into his arms.

He needs to be careful with his anger.

He could easily kill you if left unchecked.

Then he'd be repeating past mistakes if he wasn't already.

Vader expresses... desperation towards you.

Desperate for a love he can no longer have.

He can't force what he had to happen again.

You may always hate him... He'll always be a monster.

But he's too selfish to let you go.

Even if you hate him, he still holds on to his twisted view of love.

Vader would kidnap you from your home, slaughter all you love, and isolate you beside him...

He'd do it all if it meant he could feel something again... If it meant he could have you.

Murder isn't something he thinks much about anymore. There's not much guilt now.

He's done it so much already for a cause he believes in.

A safer galaxy.

Don't you want a safer galaxy?

While originally dedicating this all to Padmé, he now makes his purpose revolving around you.

Affection is no longer something he really expresses like he used to.

He'll caress you, hold you close, squeeze you like his life depends on it as you sit on his lap.

Yet kisses are impossible, so is anything else.

You feel like you're just being used to cope.

For the most part... you are.

Vader just would never admit it.

He wants you safe, cared for, and loved.

All by him.

Sure, view him as a monster, he knows he is one.

However, this monster is doing all he can to keep you safe.

You may not be happy now... but you will be.

Soon you'll trust his words, won't you?

If he didn't want to love you, he would've disposed of you for being a distraction.

Unfortunately, his view of love isn't much better.

Vader's new view on love is preventing all harm.

That means killing people in front of you with his saber or powers.

That means isolating you.

That means locking you away for his eyes only.

He calls this love...

In reality, he's still a man afraid of loss, and he can't afford to lose you like everything else.

[danikamariewrites]

would you be willing to do a hc for dating Imogen?

Dating Imogen headcanon

Imogen x reader

A/n: I love her she’s my strong no nonsense girl 💗

Warnings: none

Imogen has such a strong personality you’re a little scared of her

Whenever she talks to you you freeze up and stumble over your words

Your friends, especially Violet, pick on you a little bc your crush on Imogen is so obvious

As you were leaving training one night Imogen grabbed your arm keeping you from leaving

Fight or flight kicked in and you flipped her

As pink hair came into view it was too late. You were already in motion to kneel on her chest

You let out a gasp as you land on her, “Gods, Imogen! I’m so sorry! I had no idea-“ you were cut off by her laughter. “You’re funny y/n/n.” You gave her a confused look

Quickly Imogen flipped you, your back softly hitting the mat as she gently laid you down. Imogen’s lips inches from yours. “How about me and you go into town this weekend, yeah?”

From then on you two were attached at the hip

You two do everything together

You even convinced her to let you help with a few missions here and there for the rebellion

Imogen helped you with your homework. It’s not obvious but she is very book smart

When she helps you study she rewards you with kisses

Imogen isn’t super touchy but she won’t complain if you hold her hand or any PDA

She does like to keep her hand on the small of your back when you’re out and around others

You two don’t always get the chance to do big romantic gestures

It’s the small things you do for one another that make you emotional

Like mentioning your favorite snack one time and finding it in your room after a long day with a sweet note from Imogen

You can tell when Imogen is stressed

Usually she doesn’t like to talk about what’s bothering her so you comfort her

You find Imogen pacing in her room with just the desk lamp on. She bites her nails when she’s nervous thinking. You frown, walking over to her wrapping your arms around her middle to stop her. “I’m here for you.” You whisper into her chest

All Imogen does is hug you back tighter, resting her head on top of yours

[randomfoggytiger]

The Scully Family In-Depth (Part XV): "Other Fathers", Deleted Scenes, and "Things to Prove"

Never Again is precipitated by Dana Scully’s sidekick complex, a trickle down from her childhood daddy issues. While I’ve discussed her feeling of neglect with regards to Mulder (posts here and here), this analysis will zero in on Scully’s strivings for perfection, feelings of neglect, and subsequent discouragement and rebellion blooming from a failure to secure someone’s pride and attention. 

FATHER COMPLEXES

The first time Scully displayed vulnerability in Beyond the Sea was at her father's funeral, pleading with her mother for reassurance: “Was he at all proud of me?” By the end of the episode, she takes Maggie’s “He was your father” to heart, turning down a chance to give her father a final goodbye via the shady conduit Boggs. 

After her abduction and return, Scully meets her father once again in the land between Life and Death. Standing at his daughter’s side, Captain Scully pours out his heart in a touching monologue she takes back with her into life.  

More importantly, her father was the only person who knew she wouldn’t die--”We’ll be together again, Starbuck. Not now. Soon”-- and Mulder the only person who believed in her strength. Scully came back for Mulder, yes; but she still had to process her family’s hopelessness and her father’s visitation. 

An interesting and important note: Scully was aware when her family gave up in One Breath-- “When they found me-- after the doctors and even my family had given up, I experienced something that I never told you about. Even now it’s hard to find the words. But there’s one thing I’m certain: as certain as I am of this life, we have nothing to fear when it’s over.” 

Melissa, her voice (post here), was right: Scully was right there; and her spirit did speak back and forth with her sister in limbo. Knowing this, it makes sense why Missy pushed Dana so hard to accept every vital part of herself and her experiences in Season 3-- trying to prevent Scully's self-destruction through purposed ignorance.

The only problem is, Scully wasn't-- and isn’t-- sure how to understand her experience: on the one hand, it gives her a sense of peace when facing death (telling Mulder they have nothing to fear in Dod Kalm); but on the other, embracing that experience would require her to embrace other aspects of herself she is running from-- buried memories of her abduction, the paranormal happenings drawing naturally to her (post here), and her own fear of belief. 

In A Christmas Carol, Scully can’t sleep because of her father’s disappointment in her career path; in Pilot, she glibly tells the Assistant Directors her parents considered this change “an act of rebellion” (post here); and in Beyond the Sea, she is thrilled to be on closer terms with Captain Scully (though they struggle to connect with unaddressed issues between them, post here.) Her sense of self-worth is attached to her usefulness, which is measured by the praise or adoration she strives to earn from the people she looks up to. 

Avoiding instead of internalizing leads Scully from person to person-- man to man specifically-- looking for the acceptance she will only find in herself (all things.) 

She is drawn to men that open her mind to new possibilities-- Daniel Waterston, her teacher; Jack Willis, her instructor; Fox Mulder, the paranormal and little green men expert-- but are also devoted to their work and expect her to come along for the ride. Scully, enthralled, follows their lead; but after time passes and she remains second priority, Scully rebels and leaves. 

Scully has stayed with Mulder longer than any other romantic partner, miring herself in danger and intrigue and murder for over three years. And she has seemed-- despite the oddity of their situation-- content to be challenged and thrilled over pursuing the domesticity expected from peers her age. Yet Scully takes a sharp left turn in Never Again, contemplating her circular life path and seeking reassurance from Mulder for her decisions-- equally reaching for and rebelling against the second-place position she assumes he places her in. 

I’ve already written at length how Mulder completely misinterpreted his partner’s signals (thinking she was resenting him and the work rather than wanting assurance of her place in his life) and that his resulting actions accidentally confirmed Scully’s worst assumptions and fears (compelling her into the arms of Ed Jerse); but cutting that important angle out of this episode, let’s focus on the residuals of her father’s legacy that sends her into an ouroboros of insanity. 

MEASURING UP TO SUCCESS

Captain Scully lived in pursuit of accomplishment. “I’ve went at a proper pace-- many rewards-- until the moment that… I knew, I… understood that I would never see you again. My little girl. Then my life felt as if it had been the length of one breath, one heartbeat.” Although decorated properly in his medals of honor, her father's afterlife appears empty and alone, allotting ample time to count his successes while waiting for his loved ones to join.  

We see the echoes of that achievement mindset when Scully reexamines her life: the endless cycle of what she’s lost or the little she’s accomplished. The lesson her father tried to impart to her from the world of the Dead is blocked by her unwillingness to fully believe; and the gnawing of bereft dissatisfaction continues to build in the wake of personal tragedies and her partner’s inability to do or express more in their relationship. 

THE BEGINNINGS OF ONCE AGAIN

Scully stands behind her partner, tuning out his interrogation of a witness as dissatisfaction starts to pulse through her. Having already dismissed the case, she wanders off, trying to pinpoint or escape her swelling emotions, coming face-to-face with a wall of venerated names. These people are the embodiment of legacy: what they did mattered, who they were is remembered. Their service is recognized; their sacrifice is honored. 

Their names may be what draws her, but not what keeps her. Unlike her father, who wanted his named etched in higher rank or bigger history (Personality Type post here), Scully’s attention and emotions are captured by the personal, heartfelt memorial at the bottom of the glistening pillar: “BROTHER, TWENTY YEARS LATER… I STILL MISS YOU. WE KNOW WHAT YOU DID WAS RIGHT.” She slides down silently as her thoughts begin to solidify. 

Touching one of the rose petals, she ruminates on the loss of a life so insignificant to the rest of the world but so important to the ones he loved most-- that not only did he matter, but he mattered because what he did was right. 

Scully may be a woman who places herself in second position, but she is also a woman that demands respect and devotion-- proof that she is valued, loved, and cherished (Personality Type post here.) Furthermore, Scully lives her life by her morals and ethics, by what is right-- breaking up with Daniel Waterston before crossing an unbreakable line, holding herself to a standard of decency and honor, and demanding Mulder hear the truth even if it's hard to accept.  

As of late, there isn’t enough cherishing to balance out her self-doubts; and now that the scales are out of whack, her life seems unfairly disjointed. Because Scully is fixated on identifying and solving her problem, she misdiagnoses its cause, wondering if her presence would even be missed, nullifying the importance of her decisions and choices. And who does Scully look to first to set everything back into order? “Other fathers”-- or in this case, the Ahab to her Starbuck. (And this Ahab completely misses the memo.) 

These doubts plague her hours later: holding Mulder’s plate and sitting behind Mulder’s desk in Mulder’s chair, Scully sees her workspace with new eyes, noting how lacking her presence (seemingly) is, despite the devotion she’s poured into the X-Files. The rose petal’s significance has left its mark. 

Mulder poking Scully about abandoning him scratches at the open wound of “WE KNOW WHAT YOU DID WAS RIGHT”, flipping her concealed disillusionment into more outward hostility. 

Still, she tempers her annoyance, slipping it under Mulder’s radar… until: “Hm. Have you confirmed the identity of these individuals?” 

“That’s your assignment while I’m gone.” 

Her back immediately arches at assignment: sharp intake of breath, stiffened posture, and lowered eyes-- more signs of her anger. When she refuses, both of them are left frustrated. 

“So, you’re refusing an assignment based on the adventures of ‘Moose and Squirrel’?” Mulder teases, battening down his own anger with humor. 

“Refusing an assignment? It makes it sound like you’re my superior,” Scully replies, stepping around his olive branch and digging her heels in. 

When Mulder snaps, misreading her mood as disinterest in his work, she sighs, cryptically replying, “And it’s become mine.” 

Stung, he softly asks, “You don’t want it to be?”

Scully does her best to explain the chaotic whirlpool of emotions sucking her down-- “This isn’t about you. Or maybe it is indirectly, I don’t know. I feel like I’ve lost sight of myself, Mulder. It’s hard to see, let alone find, in the darkness of covert locations. I mean, I wish I could say we’re going in circles, but we’re not. We’re going in an endless line: two steps forward, and three steps back. While my own life is… standing still”--     

--but her response isn’t direct enough for Mulder’s suddenly resurrected abandonment issues. 

“Well, maybe it’s good we get away from each other for a while,” he surmises, assuming she’s sick of being around him; which causes her to close up, assuming he’s sick of listening to her problems.  Then he flees before she can rethink things further; and she sits and feels her admission has been ignored and minimized. 

Mulder is her Ahab; but he doesn’t expect subservience in their equal partnership. Now four years in, he and Scully both expect her to waltz off to the next case in his absence; and she is nettled by their assumptions, and he baffled by her response. Scully cannot see past the tall and commanding figure of her father to notice Mulder-- shrinking from her raised hackles, blaming himself for consuming too much of her time, calling her later because he wants her a part of his life, even in absentia-- reading his withdrawal as disapproval and rebuke.  

Scully has a long wait for Fight the Future’s declaration. In the meantime, she is crying out for validation and reciprocation; and stumbles across a form of it in Ed Jerse. And after a brief investigation into the Russians and Mulder’s commanding fumble over the phone, she decides to pursue that path as soon as possible. 

THE ALLURE OF DISOBEDIENCE

Ed Jerse is her mother’s cigarettes personified: sinful and satisfying, different and dangerous. The tattoo you deserve. 

“I’ve always gone around in this, uh… this circle," she tells him. "It usually starts when an authoritative or controlling figure comes into my life. And part of me likes it-- needs it, wants the approval-- but then at a certain point, along the way I just… y’know.

“My father was a Navy captain. I worshiped… I worship.. the sea that he sailed on. And,” she admits, looking down or up or away to keep her emotions in check, “when I was thirteen or so, I went through this… thing where I would sneak out of my parents' house and smoke my mother’s cigarettes.” 

Her monologue in the bar exactly parallels Luthor Lee Boggs’s extracted confession in Beyond the Sea: “There was... that one time when I was fourteen and my parents had gone to bed and I snuck downstairs all alone. Got one of my mom's cigarettes and went out onto the porch in the dark. I was so scared: my heart was beating-- I mean, they would have killed me if they knew. But I was so excited. Not because of the cigarette-- I mean it was gross, but... because I wasn't supposed to.” 

Even now, her eyes light up in recollection, a sly smile pulling at the corners of her lips. 

“And I did it because I knew that if he found out, he would kill me. And then, ” Scully wraps up, halting as her voice drops in disgust, “There are other… fathers.” 

“Sounds a little like… your time has come around again,” Ed posits, smooth and attentive with his unspoken promise of a good time. “I want things more like a straight line,” he adds; and so compelled is Scully that she forgets a straight, endless line is worse to her than an endless cycle.

To commemorate her breakthrough, Scully inks the chains of her life onto her back… in the same place where Mulder frequently steers her around. The tattoo she deserves, after all: trying to turn her self-punishment into liberation; glorying in the pain-- in the wrongness of it all-- in an effort to produce something new and exciting and beautiful. Starbuck, thou art aptly named. 

All for naught. 

“All this because I,” Mulder questions after it’s all over, “because I didn’t get you a desk?” 

Scully is once again caressing the rose petal; but looks up, surprised, that he bothers to ask her about anything other than their next case. Seeing that he’s serious, that he’s willing to listen, she says, “Not everything is about you, Mulder. This is my life.” 

Scully has figured out, rather late, that “other fathers” were not at play here: that her search for approval was an effort to conceal her aching loneliness because Mulder-- no matter how good his intentions-- isn’t ready to be a part of “my life.” 

And Mulder intuits this, too; and falls silent. 

ADDRESSING MEMENTO MORI’S DELETED SCENE

The last mention of Captain Scully in Season 4 pops up in a deleted scene from Memento Mori. 

There are many reasons why I dislike (loathe, really) this scene-- the depiction of her brother, mainly-- but those are secondary to the thoughts I want to explore here. 

Scully wakes from her round of chemo to a man in uniform by her bed. A flash of her coma visitation shines through; and she calls out, “Dad?” softly, with a smile. 

It’s Bill Scully, Jr. that advances out of the light instead, grabbing her hand in anxious confusion. “Dana?”

“Bill?” Scully, aware of her mistake, quickly withdraws her hand and sits up, momentarily humiliated. Laughing at herself, she starts, “I thought you were, uh…”

“You were expecting someone else,” Bill smooths.

In hindsight, this is a rather morbid remark on his behalf: clutching her hand like she’s dying and half-expecting her to be expecting apparitions of the dead. (It turns out this scene is framed around him deciding she's already got a foot in the grave.)

She thanks him for coming, Bill leans in to give her an awkward hug, and the two try to regain their equilibrium in the silence that follows. 

“You look good,” he lies; and Scully makes a face, not believing it but thanking him, regardless. “Charles is sorry he couldn’t make it,” he adds, confirming that he and Charlie would have been in contact had this scene remained canon. “Think he’ll call you tonight, if you’re feeling up to it.” 

“Sad cause for a family reunion.”

“Yeah,” he agrees, fake chuckling. 

The two fall silent before Bill expounds on his new orders-- alluding to the fact she and he might not regularly communicate about much other than work. (Another aspect that might but doesn’t quite fit with their characterization in Gethsemane; but I digress.) 

“Oh, did Mom tell you? Got new orders-- NAS Miramar, Dad’s old stomping grounds.” 

So, Bill Scully also keeps in contact with Maggie (no surprise), making he and his mother the communication lightning rods of the family-- and likely Melissa, too, since she visited her family and followed up with regular phone calls (The Blessing Way, post here, and A Christmas Carol.) 

“Yeah, I was out there not long ago. Lot of old memories,” Scully reminisces, an allusion to her Piper Maru investigation (post here.) Cool call back, actually.  

“Yeah…. Lots of ghosts now. Dad… Melissa. Mom’s gettin’ worried there’s no one left to carry on the Scully name. Guess the pressure’s on, huh?”

I, personally, believe Bill would have more tactful in this situation-- and he is, even when confronting his sister in Gethsemane and A Christmas Carol-- and am glad this scene is no longer canon.

“I didn’t choose this, Bill.”

“No-- but you chose to join the FBI. Mom and Dad sending you to med school-- you were going to be the one to save lives.” 

Scully gasps, turning away to collect her words. “When Dad died, I asked Mom. She said he’d forgiven my choice.”

We have confirmation here that, while her parents were both disapproving of the FBI, it was her father that was angered by it. This fact is also backed up by her and Melissa’s conversation in A Christmas Carol (again, post here.) 

I’m going to gloss over the rest of the scene because Bill is unreasonably cruel, ridiculous, and out-of-character, blaming his sister for Missy’s death when he doesn’t appear to do so in Gethsemane, Redux II, A Christmas Carol, or even Emily.  

The takeaway is: 

Bill feels angry at Scully’s choices but doesn’t voice them until she calls attention to his subtle pokes. 

Bill is moving to his dad’s old stomping grounds, meaning he’s beginning to measure himself against his father’s legacy. Meaning, Scully may have been able to break away from her parents’ expectations, but he has not. 

Not only that, but Maggie piles her expectations for grandchildren onto Bill and Tara’s shoulders (despite their struggles with infertility) while somehow forgetting her other grandchild via Charlie Scully (previous post here.) 

All in all, this scene badly damages the extended Scully family quite a bit. But the fact that Bill is choosing to follow his father’s journey step-by-step leaves some interesting implications (to be explored in a future post.)  

REMEMBER DEATH, PART II

Scully’s father also left an impact during her fight with cancer. 

Fearing she wouldn't be strong enough for her Mulder or her mother (again, post here), Scully’s courage begins to crumble in the face of futility and exhaustion: “Mulder, it’s difficult to describe to you the fear of facing an enemy which I can neither conquer nor escape.” 

After Mulder runs to her side, afraid she'd been hurt or recaptured, he finds and reads her journal, later confessing: "When I came to find you and you weren't in your room, I got scared something had happened. And I read what you wrote."

She exhales, embarrassed. "Oh. I didn't want you to read that. I decided to throw it out. 

"I decided tonight, that, um…,” she continues, pebbling her chin to keep the tears back, “that I’m not gonna let this thing beat me.” Squaring her shoulders resolutely, she adds, “I came into this hospital able to work; and that’s how I’m leaving.” At his encouraging nod, Scully pauses, smiling back.    

Mulder finally gives her the reassurance she’s been searching for: “Scully, something was done to you, something that you’re just beginning to remember-- you can’t quite figure it out, but it can be explained and it will be explained. And no matter what you think as a scientist or a doctor, there is a way. And you will find it, to save yourself.” The truth is, he’s always believed in Scully, even when she doesn’t believe in herself. 

Scully spells out her new focus-- “Mulder, I can’t kid myself. People live with cancer. They carry on. And so will I. You know, I’ve got things to finish-- to prove, to myself, to my family. But for my own reasons.” 

It’s an incredible leap forward for the captain’s daughter; and Mulder knows this, giving her a blooming smile and wrapping her up in his first initiated hug. 

Scully beams in his praise and soaks up his comfort-- the right time for both of them, in spite of everything. 

Mulder’s “The truth will save you Scully. I think it’ll save both of us” draws out a smile while his tender forehead kiss brings her to the brink of tears. 

It’s enough for both, for now; and she pulls away, walking back bravely into battle. 

CONCLUSION

Captain Scully’s long shadow stretches from beyond the grave, shading the milestones of his children’s choices and accomplishments. While he tried posthumously to give consolation and encouragement-- like Bill Mulder did for his son, post here-- the effects of his example have left grooves that circle Scully (and her brother) around and around, faster and faster, until she breaks free of those patterns and starts her own journey. 

Only then-- not unlike the late Melissa Scully-- can Scully (and Bill) truly be free. 

Thanks for reading~

Enjoy!

[motsimages]

I'm rewatching The Hunger Games and I'm very surprised by the level of "casually here" that Katniss is. While I didn't remember her superactive, I did remember her less invested in her own self, in her own survival. I thought she had more input and more worldview. Maybe in the books she did have more sympathy for people who are not her family.

In the movies, she was forced to mother her mother and her sister, and the only thing she can think of is the two of them. She became a helicopter parent for them and they are her priority. Even after seeing the riots, all she can think of is running away with them. It's Gale who brings up "what about the others?" She hadn't thought about that.

She was broken before the games and she only broke more during the games. She cannot understand that other people also have trauma and suffering and that you can thrive in spite of that. She judges Haymitch and even when he has helped her, she still thinks he is a loser of sorts. It takes her A LOT to understand him and accept him, maybe because she can see herselfin him. She doesn't look farther than her own experience, unless she can take care and nurture someone (which is why she chose Mags, Nuts and Volts. And Peeta). It took Peeta calling her out to think that maybe he is there too? Maybe he is also suffering?

She cannot get emotionally attached to people because, and this is excellently shown in the movie, she will make herself responsible of them. She will take all the blame if anything happens to them (which is what she brought with her before the games because of the parenting done in her family). Anything that happens to anyone she liked or was there when she did/said something, she will assume as her fault, as a consequence of her acts. She is constantly in survival mode and her thought process is a mess.

The only reason she got as far as she did is because she was a symbol of the revolution. People thought of her as a leader of sorts (because of propaganda, not because she is) and it motivated them, when in reality, she is a puppet for both the Capitol and the Rebellion. When she wakes up in the plane, and they explain to her the plan, she fights Haymitch because Peeta is not there, which is the only thing she had in mind.

And she probably wanted to save Peeta as a symbol too. She saw him as optimistic, as a light, she needed to believe there is good in the world and that is Peeta. Peeta is good and it (he) has to be preserved. But that is also her hyperfocusing on saving someone, on caring for someone, because it is the only thing she actually knows how to do, how to deal with. Probably, the only positive emotion she has.

Of course she rebels a bit too, but whenever there is any retaliation, she takes all the blame for the suffering she caused and goes back into flight mode. Even in the 4th movie, she does it and she stays on plan because Peeta says that if she kills Snow, all the death will have meaning. If it were for her, she would live in a cave in the woods with her sister and mother, never to speak with another human being again (ironically, that is what she gets in the end with Peeta). She has no interest in the revolution, no hope. She is a selfish coward and the narrative is ok with it (and so am I, tbh).

It's not the hero against her own will. It's not The Chosen One (or well, it literally is in that they chose her as a symbol, not in that the Gods gave her superpowers). It's not even the hero's journey. She is not going anywhere, barely learning anything, barely changing at all. And she has 0 leadership skills and no team-working skills either.

Regarding the love triangle... it is not romantic love (and for at least 1 and a half movie, it's barely affection). There is love, I give you that, but no romance (which is also very refreshing). It takes Katniss a lot to understand that she does love Peeta and it is not really explained romantically, it's more practical in a way. Same applies to Gale, he feels like home (until he doesn't) but he is more infatuated with her than she has ever been with anyone. I'd say she is aromantic in a way that is very rarely portrayed.

I think it is a weird movie. I don't remember the books well enough to compare, but no wonder the book created a subgenre of YA dystopia. No wonder many people tried to copy it but couldn't. It's like it has the ingredientes, but used in such a weird way that it is a miracle that they work. And they work so well.

[embeanwrites]

Right Here

you are secret cupid for: @lonelinessisadisease / @twinning-the-shit-out-of-you ( @starwarsfandomfests )

Prompts: Romantic or platonic: Gift-giving but someone (or more than one) has never had a gift before, holding hands as an act of rebellion, end-of-war kiss and/or celebration

A/N: I debated pretty heavy if I wanted to do Codywan or the Bad Batch, but I really love CodyWan so much and I never get to write for them, so I hope you like it! Happy Valentines Day!

Obi-Wan stared at the small package sitting on his bed. He was exhausted beyond belief; this last mission had drained him completely. He was thankful for the time off he and the 212th had received. Except there wasn’t enough time for the men to make it back to Coruscant for a break, so they opted to just take a much needed rest on The Negotiator.

  Why was there a small package on his bed? For a moment he couldn’t get himself to move his arms to pick up the box. It looked like a gift; it was neatly wrapped in blue in paper with a carefully tied bow on top. Could it be some sort of trap? Who would take that much care to trap him? What is-

“It’s a gift.” Obi-Wan slowly turned around to see Cody leaning against his door. Cody looked equally exhausted as he walked into Obi-Wan’s room. Cody picked up the small box and held it out to Obi-Wan. “I saw it on our last relief mission, and I thought you may like it.” Cody said, suddenly becoming bashful. Obi-Wan smiled wholeheartedly as Cody’s cheeks turned red.

  The two had become closer as time went on and even though Obi-Wan hated that the Jedi had become soldiers in a war but knowing and being close to Cody made it all worth it. For a moment Obi-Wan allowed himself to imagine an after the war with Cody. No Jedi order. No Grand Army of the Republic. Just the two of them. Obi-Wan gently took the small box from Cody, their fingers just barely brushing.

  “I can’t even remember the last time someone gave me a gift. It would have been before I was taken” Obi-Wan mused, Cody let out a laugh.

  “I think General Skywalker counts all the times he’s “helped” us out on the field a gift.”

  “Oh yes, Anakin sure does believe he is the forces gift to us all, doesn’t he?” The two shared a laugh as Obi-Wan sat next to Cody. The two fell into a comfortable silence as they both looked at the gift. Cody nudged Obi-Wan with his shoulder.

“Well, are you going to open it?” Cody mused, causing Obi-Wan to frown and look away from the gift and Cody.

  “Jedi aren’t supposed to have attachments, emotional or physical…” Obi-Wan sighed and looked at Cody’s honey-colored eyes. “Maybe it’s the war, but I’m beginning to question a lot of their teachings.” He whispered, hoping Cody would catch his meaning.

  “The long necks taught us something similar, a lot of the men think it’s bantha fodder and I don’t blame them. We were made to fight a war and that’s it. And when the war is over, then what? Are they going to take us all out? Are we going to just be running drills until the next war?” Cody’s voice started to raise. “Obi-Wan, I don’t want to be considered someone’s property. I don’t want-“

“Cody, you won’t I promise.” Obi-Wan interrupted, stunned for a moment by his promise he had no way to guarantee but regardless, it seemed to calm Cody down for the moment. “Who knows, maybe we’ll both leave our stations after the war.” Obi-Wan pondered, allowing himself one moment of imagining himself and Cody living a simple life. No more politics, no more fighting, no more wondering if this day will be their last. Just the two of them.

  “That would be nice.” Cody whispered, emotions catching his voice. Slowly, Obi-Wan began to unwrap the gift. He had to take a few deep breaths to keep himself from unraveling in front of Cody.

  Inside the box was a small teacup. The cup itself was made out of some sort of clay that had been painted a faint orange and blue and then had designs carved into the cup. Upon closer inspection Obi-Wan noticed that the design did not seem to be random and in fact there were little lightsaber hilts and clone trooper helmets hidden within the other shapes and squiggles. Obi-Wan didn’t know a lot about ceramic art, but he could tell by the intricate design it had taken whomever a long time.

  “The commission price was high, I wanted to get you a whole set, but I didn’t have enough.” Cody whispered, he was nervously fidgeting, believing Obi-Wan didn’t like the gift. It was just one measly teacup, Obi-Wan must’ve had at least 5 aboard The Negotiator alone. Obi-Wan deserved a full set and then some. All the good he did for Cody and the other men under his command. He knew he should’ve gone with something better, he should’ve-

“Cody, I…I’m not sure what to say. This is beautiful.” Obi-Wan breathed out. He couldn’t take his eyes off of the small cup. “Thank you.” Cody smiled and looked at Obi-Wan. He wanted to remember this moment, Obi-Wan’s checks were slightly blushed, his mouth slightly opened in awe, and his eyes had unshed tears. “I…I don’t have anything for you.” He said finally looking over at Cody.

  “No worries, General. I have everything I could ever want right here.”

[janiedean]

Hope this is okay to ask but I was wondering what your thoughts are on the way Tyrion is treated by some of the fandom, especially Cersei stans? I feel he is held to a different standard to other male characters and as someone with an invisible disibility irl it makes me a bit uncomfortable. I’ve seen many “Lannister stans” who either hate him or want to ignore he exists.

sure it’s okay to ask don’t worry ;)

that said: when it comes to tyrion’s fandom treatment especially on tumblr there’s like a whole bunch of like... WE’RE ABLEIST BUT MASKING IT BEHIND FAKE WOKE ARGUMENTS crap going on because not counting the fact that show!tyrion has been what he was since S5 bc dnd can’t obviously write him and stopped giving peter decent material after then and it shows, but like... show!tyrion being nowhere near as complex as the book version is a problem that 99% of the show characters had so I don’t think it’s like a valid argument:

the premise is that tyrion is outside like TUMBLR and the likes circles a clear fan favorite when it comes to the general audience if not the fan favorite - like there’s more tyrion merch than idk jon snow merch and maybe maybe he was 50/50 with dany but like... I think that if we did a general poll tyrion would come out as the most liked character, which... I mean fair tyrion is an a+ character and he’s extremely relatable on a whole shitload of levels and let me tell you if a disabled character is for once the main fan favorite I won’t complain:

problem is beyond the fact that he’s disabled he’s... about everything tumblr hates in the sense that a) man, b) (presumably) straight man who has a lot of sex to deal with his issues, c) his issues are not exactly pleasant to deal with, d) not Standard Attractive, e) basically his one trump card is outsmarting people so it’s really easy to attach the whole AH MANIPULATING SCHEMING ASSHOLE argument to him, f) an abuse victim from at least his father and cersei but we all know men can’t be abused on this website *rolleyes* plus he hates the shit out of cers/ei which like.. is apparently the cardinal sin and the key to being labeled a misogynist always, which automatically means that when it comes to tumblr asoiaf fandom nine times on ten people will ignore the fact that his disability is a reason people discriminate him and that the treatment he received because of it gave him TRAUMA and start going like AH BUT HE’S A MAN AH BUT HE’S RICH which... doesn’t mean he can’t be traumatized even if he has male and money privilege;

for what it’s worth anyway bc as stated okay being a lannister did mean that he had a better upbringing/situation economically than a commoner with dwarfism but that doesn’t make his abuse any less damaging, but people on here just... don’t seem to get it;

but yeah like the point is that male chars on tumblr are already held at different standards than female ones (again theon gets more shit than cersei ever had for doing a lot less horrid stuff) but tyrion as... the mega fan favorite especially in within the male fanbase (reddit/w-org and the likes) is held to an extra standard in the sense that if the dudebro faction likes him then he’s BAD NEWS, which means that the fact that he’s disabled and that it affects his life is thoroughly ignored because they have to cry about how he has male privilege over c. and so she can’t abuse him (which... lmao the day I read that shit in S2 I was so out, but whatever);

anyway thing is: ‘lannister stans’ in my experience is a thing that like... is weird in this fandom because actually I never met a supposed lannister stan who likes all of them or who doesn’t ignore some exist, like.. usually most lannister stans who pretend tyrion doesn’t exist are either c. stans or tywin stans or both and don’t get me started on how this fandom has a weirdass tywin worship thing going on for which they think tyrion killing him is an unforgivable crime when it was basically what that asshole deserved and the narrative is having tyrion go in the downward spiral for shae not for tywin. c. stans usually say they also stan jaime but like... they stan whichever version of jaime they think exist that is compatible for a book ending that has the murder suicide thing happening that doesn’t exist in the books and they ignore tyrion exists same as their fave, but then again here we fall back in the pit where everything c. specifically does is seen as either fight against the patriarchy or feminist rebellion or trauma justification on account of c. being a woman and if a man does it it’s horrid or if she does it to a man then it doesn’t matter, so like... it’s a lost cause;

anyway like if someone say they’re a lannister stan and ignore tyrion when whether they like it or not tyrion is the only lannister in the main five povs (which i’d like to remind everyone are jon dany tyrion arya and bran regardless of whoever is everyone’s fave) and the one that has most narrative weight then like... just say you like c. or tywin and go;

tldr: while I think that the show did tyrion a lot of dirt in order to make him more... idk cleaned up when the book character is good as it is, tumblr fandom is swimming deep in ableism and denying that men can be abused and affected by that when it comes to tyrion’s treatment, never mind in the neverending absolutely shallow argument that’s everywhere in asoiaf fandom which is that no one outside specific group of people has understood that one of the key messages of these books is ‘how you look outside doesn’t mean shit about your personality and people who aren’t standard attractive are people with needs and personality who also deserve love and have a lot to give and will meet someone who’ll give it to them’, because the race is basically shipping beautiful ppl together even if it makes sense and negating at all turns that brienne/arya/tyrion/sandor/anyone else who’s not standard attractive are like... viable romantic partners on an even level with whoever so there’s that too, but like I think that on tumblr it shows that ppl are extremely hypocritical when it comes to tyrion and that it shows that their wokeness stops at the surface bc if you read those books and miss The Fucking Point when it comes to tyrion’s disability... text comprehension where have you gone ;)

also when it comes from c. stans** I just sigh and roll my eyes but then again c. stans generally think c. is the only person in these books with justified issues and trauma reaction and downplay not only how she abuses others but also the effects on the ppl she abuses whether they’re men or women so like... they don’t even admit how she is with jaime do we think they’d admit it for tyrion? doubt that.

**before everyone else jumps on me: with c. stans I mean the vocal side of c. standom where almost everyone is like that and from whom I never saw once an acknowledgment that she actually did abuse him (or anyone kllkjkgdj), not whichever c. stan around who likes her because she’s terrible/recognizes that she’s bad etc, I mean no ill will, if you didn’t feel called out reading it it wasn’t about you, peace and love.

[crowley-fe11]

You both like ineffable husbands.

Stranger: [Soulmate AU: Aziraphale saw in Heaven's archives that his soulmate was Raphael. But Gabriel made him believe Raphael was his actual name.] Why was Gabriel to your bookshop? Are you in troubles, angel? C

You: Oh, no trouble at all. Quite the opposite, actually. A

Stranger: Which means? Heaven gaves you a better title? C

Stranger: (*gave oops)

You: Well, in the archives upstairs, it lists that Raphael is my soulmate. A
And Gabriel just told me that happens to be his actual name. A

Stranger: [Delay] That sheming little bastard. C // Gabriel is just Gabriel, Aziraphale. Nobody else, not Raphael. He lied. C

You: What makes you so sure? A

Stranger: I just know it, angel. C

You: Why would he lie about something like that? A

Stranger: Because he's a bastard, and that he makes to manipulate you! C

You: But even if he is just Gabriel, he'd have a different soulmate, right? A

Stranger: I suppose. What's your point here? C

You: Wouldn't he be with them instead? A

Stranger: Maybe Gabriel's soulmate fell. C

You: You think that's really the case? A
It seems impossible, just looking at all the other pairs... A

Stranger: Yeah, I think that's really the case. His soulmate fell, and knowing him, he'd rather manipulate you that accepting this fact. C // Aren't you relieved? Your one isn't Gabriel. C

You: I suppose a bit. A
But I don't suppose you know if Raphael fell? Where he might be now? A

Stranger: [Long Delay] He fell. He's Downstairs, I'm sorry, Aziraphale. Your soulmate is a demon. C

You: Well, if he's anything like you are, then that wouldn't be so bad... A

Stranger: As if, not a heartless beast? Yeah. He's not. He's closer to me than to Lord Beelzebub, be reassured. C

You: That's a relief. A
What else do you know? A

Stranger: He was the Starmaker, so after he fell and saw soothing stars for the first time... He thought She was throwing his creations out as a punishment. C // He would adore you, I'm certain of it. C

You: He sounds lovely... A
Maybe you could introduce me at some point? A

Stranger: Are you sure? I mean, he's still a demon. And even if She decided for you, you don't have to accept Her choice. C

You: I think it would be worth at least meeting him. A

Stranger: ...I can give you his number so the both of you can talk first. C

You: That would be splendid! A
I would greatly appreciate that, dear. A

Stranger: [Attached Number - still Crowley's but an another phone.] Yeah, sure. Wonderful. C

You: Thank you, Crowley! I'll let you know how it goes. A

You: [...] Would this number happen to belong to Raphael? A

Stranger: It does, indeed. You are? R

You: My name is Aziraphale. A mutual friend gave me your number. A
According to the Heavenly Archive of Soulmates, we appear to be a match. A

Stranger: Ah, I see. Didn't ever think that old legend about matches would reach me eventually. I'm quite busy, I fear, and I'm rather certain you wouldn't like me nearly as much as you hope. R

You: I mean, I know it unheard of for angels to have a fallen soulmate, and I understand if it's seen as taboo on your side as well. A
But I was hoping if you ever had the time to talk, if you want to, I could learn a bit more about you. A
I've found myself admiring the stars more than once over the millennia, and it seems rather touching that it was your work... A

Stranger: The matches have been made by Her before the Rebellion, and since so many angels fell during it, it isn't surprising an angel can discover he has a fallen soulmate. Not that they could be blamed if they preferred ignoring this bit of information forever. My side doesn't see it as a taboo, more as some holy nonsense they don't want to interact with. R // Thank you. I'd be arrogant to say it was all mine, but almost all of them are my doing, especially the ones you can see from Earth. Got inspired by a pretty special angel for a few. R

You: Well, considering an angel I know just claimed to be you, I thought it might be worth knowing who you really are. A
But I'd like to think I'm open-minded. My best friend is a demon, and he spoke well of you. And he's been fairly honest about most everything. A
Though I am curious if that angel was anyone in particular... A

Stranger: [Delay] It was you. Aziraphale, still a Cherub back then. You don't remember, most angels don't have any memories of anything happening before Time was made. Only Archangels still have pieces of memories of that time, since they had been created first. You were radiant, Aziraphale. Shining of joy, of curiosity. I even made... Ha. Alpha Centauri thinking about you. R

You: I'll definitely look for that system more closely from now on, then. A
But I wish I remember you better. You seem absolutely lovely. A
Perhaps if you ever have the time, we could meet up for lunch or something? A

Stranger: ...No. Won't be possible. You wouldn't like me, trust me. R // I'm hurt. Burned. Yes, that's it, I've been seriously burned during my fall. R

You: I mean, if there's anything I can do to help, I'd be more than willing. A
Besides, if She made us a match, I'm sure that would transcend anything. A

Stranger: Don't you want to use your free will instead, angel? Instead of following her idea, why don't you find yourself someone you love? R

You: In a way, I used my free will to reach out to you, didn't I? A
It was her decision to cast you out after the Rebellion, so it weren't for the connections I have, I would have never known what happened to you. A

Stranger: Such a fortunate event, isn't it? That you know Crowley too. He's a bit annoying sometimes, don't you think? R // I suppose you're right, you're using your free will to contact me. Howewer, you wouldn't be interested in me if it wasn't for that match. R

You: Oh, I wouldn't say that. He's been wonderful company to me. A
Well, I'm at least curious what She had in mind for me. You and I could end up becoming friends, or maybe something more, or you might wish not to speak to me after this, but in the very least, I might learn something from it, right? A

Stranger: C'me on, it's just us, here. Crowley is not terrible but he is quite flawed. I bet you're relieved to have anyone but him as your fallen soulmate. R // From what I understood, this system is one of a partners for eternity. It goes beyond friendship or romantic features, it should make you say: 'I trust them with my life, and I know they'll always be here.' A never leaving shadow, I'd say. R

You: I mean, to put it quite simply, I'm not exactly a perfect angel either. And I think most everyone has their flaws. A
But that is an interesting take on it. It's comforting, and maybe a bit familiar... Or maybe I've been yearning for something like that all these years. A

Stranger: A bit familiar? What do you mean? You have lived something like this already? R // It's the most incredible feeling one could dream of. This is truly a gift from Her, and the fact fallen ones are allowed to still feel it... I must say, it's great. R

You: Or maybe I've just imagined it. I've been told more than once I'm far too hopeful and optimistic. A
Wait, have we crossed paths on earth? A

Stranger: [...] Oh, yeah. We have, a few times. I'm fairly often on Earth, so we certaintly saw each other, from a distance. I won't blame you if you forgot me. R

You: I wish I knew who you were. I'm sorry, dear. A
Another question that comes to mind- if you don't mind answering it, that is. Does every demon just address angels as 'angel'? A
Crowley does that quite a lot, and you happened to do that earlier, too. A

Stranger: Don't worry and don't apologize. Even if you think you don't know me, a part of you does and it's what matters. Furthermore, you only learned of my existence recently and we have all time in the world. R // ...Your name is complicated to remember, it's an angelic one. Potential holy one, it'd sting. It's just easier to give you that nickname. R

You: That's rather interesting, still. A
But I'm rather looking forward to getting to know you better. Just talking to you, it feels like I've known you all along. A

Stranger: [Long Delay] I lied. Your name isn't complicated nor painful to say, Aziraphale. It's just me, I can not stop calling you angel. R // Fuck, you must think I'm awful and cruel. R

Stranger: (Sorry, my Wifi glitched. Did you receive my reply?)

You: (Yeah, I got it :) )

Stranger: (Great, thanks!))

You: Darling, it's fine, please don't worry. A
I also realise this was all out of the blue, so I understand if it's a lot right now. A

Stranger: I panicked. You wanted to talk to Raphael, and I made all this up. That's pathetic. Not the part about the stars, this is real. And you having met Raphael before Eden, it was true too. R

You: Then could you tell me the truth? A

Stranger: I'm Raphael. I mean, I was before I fell. C

You: My dear, why didn't you just tell me? A
I was already rather hoping it might be you on the other end, to be honest. A

Stranger: I was afraid you'd feel forced to stay around me because it's what She decided. I didn't want you to. If you are around me, I'd rather if it was your choice, because you enjoy my presence. C

You: Crowley, soulmate or not, I'd always want you around. You mean the entire world to me. A

Stranger: And you mean the entiere universe to me, angel. C

You: Would you be able to come by? A
I was thinking we could share bottle of wine or two, maybe begin making up for the last six thousand years of not realising we're soulmates... A

Technical error: Server was unreachable for too long and your connection was lost. Sorry. :( Omegle understands if you hate it now, but Omegle still loves you.

GAHHHHHHH I WANT TO KEEP GOING

[anywhozits]

All I Really Want Chapter 3

Rating: T

Pairing: Kristanna (at some point lol)

Verse: 90s High School AU / frozen retelling

Chapter Summary: A look into Kristoff and Anna's best friend Friday night tradition. 

Notes: I apologize in advance for my dumb sense of humor ;) 

Read on Ao3

Kristoff and Anna sat at their favorite hole-in-the-wall and somewhat ramshackle diner, Oaken’s House, on a decidedly crisp but also unseasonably warm March evening. It was windy, a little bit at least, so they opted to sit indoors.

The food was… decent. Only once had they gotten food poisoning and they’d since decided to never mention that again. Or was getting food poisoning even once a bad thing?

Oh well. They loved Oaken’s anyway.

And tonight, they were back with gusto. In his typical fashion, Oaken had welcomed them with a huge smile and his adorable sing-songy voice before leading them to their favorite inside table.

They sat on the diner’s signature extremely uncomfortable white plastic chairs and then they ordered their usual—a combination of something so gross but also so perfect that they came to the reasonable conclusion that they could never deviate. Absolutely any time they found themselves at Oaken’s House on a Friday night they ordered mozzarella sticks plus an Oreo milkshake.

Two delicacies that on their own sounded pretty normal... but Anna and Kristoff were the type to assure absolutely everyone they ever came in contact with that they were far from normal. So naturally they dipped those mozzarella sticks in the milkshake. Hardcore. At least five dips a stick. And the dairy overload was enough to send them over to an entirely new level of friendship since Anna always got super gassy after these nights and Kristoff of course cared absolutely zero.

The best tradition. Their favorite tradition.

Mouth already half full of milkshake covered mozzarella stick, Anna spoke, “Hans and I are going to Five Crowns tomorrow.”

“Ooh. Fancy.” Kristoff raised his eyebrows.

“Mmhmm,” Anna said, already prepping her next bite by dipping, dipping, and dipping it into the milkshake. “I’ve only been there once for my dad’s birthday, too. It was a whole six-hour affair and I totally cried because it was so boring. Like.” She popped it into her mouth. Chew, chew, chew. “So. Boring.”

Kristoff gave her a sympathetic smile. A smile she appreciated. Because... there were a lot of people in her life she felt she could never dish about her parents to. Never, ever. It was like…

She had much to be thankful for, sure. She didn’t have to worry about money the way Kristoff did. She didn’t have to worry about much at all, really.

So sometimes she felt guilty complaining.

But Kristoff… Kristoff never made her feel guilty. Kristoff made her feel like every single eye roll, every single annoyed grumble, every single ounce of negativity that coated the relationship with her family was completely founded.

And that meant the world to her.

She was thankful for him—always. Every single day. Even if it meant she was just a little sister in his eyes. Yes, she definitely still shuddered at that thought. But.

Even if…

It was worth it. Because she had him. She had Friday nights at Oaken’s House.

And… she had him.

She had someone who would talk with her and listen to her and really understand her.

She had him…

“What’s the latest on your status with Hans? Are you um… boyfriend and girlfriend or whatever?” Kristoff’s voice snapped her out of her train of thought. Her head jerked a little bit at the jarring sensation of rejoining reality and a piece of mozzarella stick fell from her mouth to the table.

Both Anna and Kristoff laughed. Classic Anna.

And when she shrugged and popped the fallen mozzarella stick back in her mouth, Kristoff laughed harder.

“I’m sorry, Kris. I think I blacked out there for a second.” She giggled again. “What did you say?”

“I was asking,” he started. “About Hans. You know—what you’re—um… if you’re boyfriend and girlfriend—”

“Oh. No. He hasn’t said anything about that. I think we’re just…” She didn’t want to say friends. Because they weren’t really just friends. In fact—just friends was exactly what Anna and Kristoff were. And Hans and Anna had a much different relationship than she and Kristoff had…

Like… there was no way in the literal seventh ring of hell that Anna and Hans were at the same stage in a relationship as Anna and Kristoff were. Because—well, she and Hans were in love with one another. Literally in love. For real in love. Not the friendship love she had with Kristoff. That maybe teetered on romantic love sometimes. But not all the time. And…um. Never mind.

Back to Hans. She loved Hans for real. 100% of the time she had romantic love for Hans. Plus they’d said they loved each other probably two hundred times since the night they met. So they loved each other. Duh.

But… maybe they were just friends. Friends with… benefits? Okay. Benefits. Yes. That was what set her relationship with Hans apart. Those two words. With. Benefits. She had no benefits with Kristoff.

She gulped. “I think we’re just friends.”

“But… you love him?” Kristoff’s face contorted into a scowl as he chomped on another sweet and oozing mozzarella stick.

“Mmhmm,” she said, slurping up some of the milkshake.

“You loved him after one night?”

“Mmhmm.” Anna giggled a little bit. They had definitely talked about this before. Kristoff loved bringing up the whole I-love-you-on-the-first-night business.

“Shit.”

And he always reacted the same way. So judgy, Kristoff. For someone who didn’t know anything about love or relationships or... other stuff like that.

Anna pouted playfully. “What gives, Kris? Haven’t you ever heard of love at first sight?” She made a show of batting her eyes when she said this.

But Kristoff was far from amused. He crossed his arms over his chest and jutted out his bottom lip. “Sure I have. I just don’t believe in it is all.”

“Okay,” she huffed. “Fine.”

“He says he loves you too?”

“He said it first. If you remember. I told you all this like, the morning after.” And probably six or seven times since then… he couldn’t let it rest.

“Yeah.”

Anna sighed. He seemed grumpier about this than usual. “Are you trying to use some super coded Kristoff-speak to tell me you don’t like him or something?”

“He’s whatever,” Kristoff mumbled.

“So, you don’t like him.”

He didn’t answer for a bit; his sustained silence already proving her point. They’d never bridged this part of the Hans conversation before. It always stopped after Kristoff denied the existence of love at first sight and abruptly changed the subject.

But eventually, he spoke up. “Does it matter what I think?”

“You’re my best friend.”

“But does it matter?”

“Yes.”

He sighed. “I like him all right. I guess. But… I don’t really know him. I don’t really know anything about him at all. Wait—how much do you even know about the guy?”

Oh, snap. Was he jealous? Why did Anna get the sense that maybe he was jealous? Or... maybe he was just concerned. Not jealous. Because he cared about her. Because he was her best friend. That made sense. That definitely made the most sense.

Not jealous.

“I know you’re worried, Kris. It’s cute. I appreciate it. But I can deal with it myself, okay?”

His eyes were downcast onto the plate. He played with the mozzarella stick a little bit. “Okay.”

“Seriously. Thank you,” Anna said cheerily, reaching out to tug on the sleeve of his gray Volcom hoodie so he looked up at her. “Thanks for always looking out for me.”

And then she impulsively grabbed his free hand and held it, noting and admiring the fact that the weight of his big, calloused hands made her feel a healthy mix of safe and comforted and respected. He smiled softly at her, squeezing her hand.

Her heartbeat quickened, butterflies unleashed themselves in her belly, and she pulled her hand away, kind of terrified.

They’d held hands before… as just friends. But she’d never had this visceral of a reaction to it.

She had Hans. She loved Hans. She needed to focus on him. Not get way too attached to someone who would never like her back.

The second she gathered her thoughts, though, she heard the loud and unmistakable sound of her breaking wind. Cutting the cheese. Whatever.

She giggled. “Oops—my bad—gassy!” And then she started laughing uncontrollably, covering her face in her hands.

Kristoff joined in, unrestrained laughter making tears pool in his eyes.

But then Anna reached for the milkshake, gearing up to take a few more sips. Kristoff furrowed his eyebrows, still laughing, still crying and yelled, “Anna!”

“What? You gotta get used to my gas, man. Comes with the territory.”

“Oh, I’m plenty used to it.”

“Good. Now pass me another mozz stick.”

And he did.

Mouth once again full, Anna decided to change the subject. “So how are things going with Pissed Off Kids?” Pissed Off Kids was the band Kristoff and his other best friend Sven had founded in the fifth grade as one of the action items on their long list of ‘ways to stage the ultimate rebellion.’ They played their music in Sven’s garage and took breaks to skateboard. It was all incredibly cliché.

“We’ve got a gig next weekend. If you wanna come. It’s at this random place in Anaheim, but they’re paying all right. I doubt many people are gonna make it out there—”

Anna rolled his eyes. “As if, Kris. You’re gonna pack the place and you know it.”

His cheeks flushed red. “Well, um… either way it should be fun. Gotta test out some of our new stuff.”

“Covers or original?” Anna seen enough of his shows to know Pissed off Kids’ typical cover song rotation. Usually any number of songs off of Green Day’s Dookie, The Offspring’s Smash, or Blink-182’s Cheshire Cat. Nirvana was deemed too holy to even attempt to replicate. Kristoff’s words, of course. RIP Kurt Cobain.

“Both.”

“Awesomesauce,” Anna beamed. She loved hearing about his music. He was just so passionate about it—literally everything related to alternative and grunge rock. If he really got going, he could talk her ear off about the intricacies of the movement itself, how it had grown, how each of his favorite bands added their own flavor and their own perspective. She loved it. Every single second of it. “Tell me about the new ones you wrote.”

“Ah, well… there’s only one of those.” He popped another mozzarella stick into his mouth. “It’s called When. Mostly written by Sven.”

“Ooh it’s all rhymey and poetic already.”

Kristoff laughed. “I guess I wrote most of the chorus, though. Come to think of it.”

“Of course you did. Because you’re the best songwriter slash guitar-player slash singer who’s ever walked this earth.”

“I bet there are a lot of other people who deserve that title.”

“No,” she said. “Just you.”

“Kurt Cobain, for one.”

She ignored him entirely. “So… When, huh? Sounds so… emo?”

Anna raised her eyebrows at Kristoff, trying to gauge his reaction. Was she hot or was she cold?

His left eyebrow twitched ever so slightly. Confirmed. His new song was definitely emo.

“Okay, right. No duh it’s emo. Noted. But… that’s obvious coming from you,” Anna said. Kristoff chuckled softly in response. “All right! I’ve got a great idea. Let me guess the chorus. Okay?”

He laughed again. “Okay. Have at it.”

“Ummm…” she scrunched her lips together tightly, thinking, thinking, thinking. “When… will my best friend stop insisting we drink milkshakes every week because they make her fart up a storm?”

Kristoff laughed. “Nope. Try again.”

Anna furrowed her eyebrows in concentration. “When… will Anna give in to my begging and decide she wants to learn how to skateboard, so we can finally go to the skate park together?”

His laughs intensified as he reached to take a sip of the milkshake. “No!”

“Huh. Weird. I really thought those made the most sense…” Now she laughed. “OH! I’ve got it this time: When will my best friend in the entire world finally get it through her head that she’s not someone who can make the word dude work?”

Kristoff started laughed so hard that he couldn’t catch his breath. Soon enough, a little bit of Oreo milkshake shot out of his nose and then trickled down his upper lip.

Noticing this, Anna lost it. Completely.

The sight of white liquid with chunks of black cookie rolling down his face paired with the sight of him clutching his face in an unfortunate brain-freeze like state sent her into a frenzy.

Kristoff shot only-somewhat playful daggers at her. “You can’t make me laugh when I’m drinking a milkshake!”

“Well, you shouldn’t drink a milkshake when I’m being funny!” Anna grinned. “Which is all the time, really. So guess milkshakes are out. I’m too gassy and you’re too… into-my-jokes.”

“Not funny,” Kristoff said. “That kinda hurt. It was like… one big brain-freeze.”

“Um—dude? Chill out.”

He smirked. “I stand by it. You can’t pull off dude.”

“Would’ve been an epic song lyric, though,” Anna offered, but Kristoff shook his head. “So what is it, then? Your big brilliant title-sequence chorus lyric thingie?”

“It’s…” Kristoff took a deep breath, a flash of drama overcoming his face as he began to speak, “When will the clouds finally part?”

“Ah.” Anna nodded. “See? Emo.”

“I guess.” Shrugging, Kristoff looked down at the table, bashful all of a sudden.

“I can’t say I’m not disappointed, though. It’s been awhile since you’ve written one about me.”

Kristoff looked back up and caught her gaze. “I’ve never written a song about you, Anna.”

“Mmhmm,” Anna teased. “A likely story.”

“I’m serious!”

“So am I!”

They both burst out into uncontrolled laughter. Kristoff clutched his face in a futile attempt to keep the milkshake very much out of his nose which only made Anna double over in the chair, hyperventilating with giggles.

Kristoff’s laughter was contagious. Anna could laugh for hours and hours only answering to Kristoff’s unamused smirk but when Kristoff laughed… it was like everything in Anna’s soul shifted into place. She didn’t have to think about anything but that moment—their relationship. The warmth and kindness that his laughter evoked made Anna’s heart swell.

She would do just about anything to hear that laugh.

Once they both calmed, she took a moment to look at him. He smiled so widely that his eyes crinkled. That also made her heart swell. “You said your show’s next weekend?”

“Yeah. Saturday night at 11.”

“Ah, well,” Anna shrugged, trying to hide her growing smile. “That’s past my bedtime.”

“No, it’s not.”

“Hey! You stole my punch line! I was gonna say ‘That’s past my bedtime…NOT’ but then you have to jump in with your whole Grumpy McGrump Buzzkill business.”

“I’m sorry, feistypants,” he said, chuckling.

“Thank you.” She smiled again. “And I was kidding, seriously. You know I’ll be there.”

His eyes crinkled again as he grinned widely, sincerely, softly. “I know.”

And she would. She’d always be there for him. Be there with him. Always.

[protectmartinblackwood]

T, X, Z for ask meme?

HURRYING TO ANSWER THESE BEFORE MY WIFI GOES OUT AGAIN. I finished typing this ENTIRE THING before and it died right when I hit post.

Let’s see, let’s see:

T - Do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending?

M A R T I N  B I G. And I mean, short Martins are valid obviously and I can respect them, but I’m just. Very attached to Tall Martin. Conversely, I am also very attached to Small Jon. Short Small Archivists made to be scooped by Large Martins.

Also ADHD Jon - particularly with RSD - is very dear to my heart because I love to project aggressively onto my favorite characters and it just. Fits :’)These are like... I wouldn’t Die Defending these so much, but they are some of the ones I cling to more closely. OH ALSO aro!Sasha has grown on me to the point that I have trouble seeing her as anything else.

X - A trope which you are almost certain to love in any fandom.

Oh okay, let me think. I’m SO WEAK for Found Families of any sort. A group of previous strangers coming together and finding belonging and family with each other? A bunch of people who would never have looked twice at one another in other circumstances developing an unbreakable bond and being ready to die for each other??? People finding non-romantic fulfilling lifebonds with other humans??? LET ME project my personal yearnings all over that.

Also, enemies-to-lovers/friends/some kind of deep attachment is my shit.

Z - Just ramble about something fan-related, go go go! (Prompts optional but encouraged.)

Hmmm my only fandom at the moment is TMA. And I have no idea what to ramble about so I’m just gonna let my brain take this where it will:

I would love more insight or fan depictions of what Jon was like as a kid and/or teen. I don’t normally care about characters’ childhoods really? Or think about it. But something about Jon’s character just makes me want to imagine what he was like at any given point.

I think it’s because he’s such an interesting character with such complex and real motivations, and you can so easily put together the little pieces we have of his life and go “Ah, right, I can look at this man before us today and see how that happened” and it just makes me want to dig deeper.

Did he have friends in school at all? Some other weird kids he hung out with after class? Did he have a rebellious phase? I love thinking that he had a typical rebellious phase - he was a traumatized, outcast kid with insatiable curiosity, you know he AT LEAST experimented with some awkward brand of rebellion. Maybe tried to let someone’s brother’s older cousin give him an illegal piercing and then got freaked out because he’d READ ABOUT WHAT CAN HAPPEN to badly done piercings and couldn’t go through with it, and has always regretted it just a tiny bit.

Maybe he gave himself a terrible edgy haircut in the bathroom and started wearing eyeliner and those emo arm warmers and--

Emo kid Jon? He’s in his early 30s. He was a teenager at precisely the right time. He’s dramatic as hell. You know what? Angsty emo kid Jon.

Thank you!! :)

[animation-recaps-by-sean]

She Ra and the Princesses of Power Season Five Recap

In the finale season, Catra is forced to reevaluate her life, without the sword Adora discovers new things about She Ra, and Horde Prime makes his move. We’re in the endgame folks. Spoilers below.

I loved this season. I love it to pieces. It’s been awhile since I’ve seen a season finale that was as great as this. This was a packed season, but they did a great job of having everything flow together.

The season begins with Adora throwing herself into battle. She doesn’t really know what to do without She-Ra. The rebellion is left in shatter, with Horde Prime forces running amok. I do wonder what happened with Hordak’s horde. Lonnie, Kyle, and the Lizard guy get a cameo in the last episode but the other ground troops just aren't mentioned. Not important but curious to what became of them.  

Entrapta was big this season. Maybe the writers were making up for her being absent most of last season. It starts with the other princesses pissed at the tech girl as they think she only works for the science. I mean they're not wrong. But Entraptra does care for people she just doesn’t know how to show it. She’s also bad at reading people, as she didn’t realize all the princesses were mad at her until knee deep in a mission.

Meanwhile Adora realizes that thinking about her friends she contacts the power of She Ra without the sword. This could have used just a bit more information on how it works, but I’ve seen a lot of anime, I’m used to this sort of thing. Bow, Adora, and Entraptra blast off into space to find Glimmer.

Speaking of Glimmer, she and Catra find themselves trapped on Horde Prime’s ship. I was worried that Horde Prime would be underdeveloped compared to Hordak or Catra, but he is fantastic. He is absolutely in control of every scene he’s in. I’m in awe with how charming and fighting they make him. That dinner scene was amazing. I am amazed with how quickly they set him up. He’s almost like White Diamond, genocidal lunatic with a light motif, like to hijack bodies, but with actual time to develop. Can you believe I didn’t like Keston John when I first heard him back in season one? He’s so great! He plays each Horde clone with the same voice but his acting makes them distinct from each other. It’s like listening to H. Jon Benjamin in Bob’s Burgers than Archer.

Catra realizes that her game of thronesing doesn’t work in an army made up of drones and clones with a hive mind. Realizing she has nothing left, Catra is focused to be introspective and spend time with Glimmer. Thinking she’s about to die Catra teleports Glimmer back to Adora.

When Adora realizes Ctara did something for someone else, she instantly goes into hero mode. She flies into Horde Prime’s base. They split up; Adora confronts Horde Prime, Bow and Entraptra try to hack his system for info, while Glimmer looks for Catra in the holding cells.

Entraptra sees a clone in a pod who she thinks is Hordak, so she gets him out but the clones freaks out being separated from the hive mind. Hoder Prime shows Adora a mind controlled Catra with shaved hair. He has Adora fight Catra, the chip on the back of her neck gets damaged, giving Catra just enough control to jump off the edge. Adora leaps off to get her but it’s only a few feet to the bottom so the both survive; drama queens. Seeing Catra hit sends Adora all Ultra Instinct.

Adora and everyone escapes, even Wrong Hordak (the name they give the freed clone). Catra acts like, while Catra, and tries pushes everyone away. But she realizes that Horde prime can trace her through the chip. While Entraptra works on the chip, Catra apologizes and the two have a moment. I was worried they would drag Catra’s redemption arc and the series would end on a fight between her and Adora like Saskue and Naruto. I am so glad that is not the case. I love Bow and Glimmer teasing Catra about her sneezes. Or Catra bonding with Glimmer and Bow over bonding teasing Adora. And they changed the opening, when Catra and Adora cross weapons, they’re smiling at each and Catra is in the hero group shot and it’s wonderful. Also Catra rocks that pixie cut.

With Wrong Hordak’s help, they find a planet that Horde Prime gave up trying to conquer. This sends Wrong Hordak into an extensional crisis. I love Catra realizing what idiots the best friend squad actually are. Like, she lost to these guys? They realize that Horde Prime is afraid of magic as he can’t understand or control it. Catra then meets a shapeshifting cat creature called Melog, who is a combination of a one shot shapeshifting mud monster, Catra’s own shapeshifting powers from the original series and her pet lion Clawdeen who looked exactly like Lion from Steven Universe.

Meanwhile back on Etheria, Mermista leads a James Bond heist with Sea Hawk, Perfumia, and Scorpia. They’re looking for a clairvoyant in a nightclub, but it ends up as just Double Trouble. This is properly one of the strongest episodes in the show. Horde Prime has started assimilating everyone; including Mermista, Spinnerella, and Scorpia are all chipped.

It is strange that at the eleventh hour Spinnerella and Netossa are given so much attention, but it works. They actually became characters after four seasons of them being joke characters. The show really sells the heartbreak Netossa feels at Spinnerella’s mind control. Netossa has spent the last four seasons cataloging every princesses weakness, a surprising amount is fire. Catra’s is of course a spray bottle.

This is the environment that The best friend squad find themselves in when they arrive back on Etheria. They get around with the help of Wrong Hordak, it’s hilarious. Perfurma is ecstatic that she doesn’t have to be in charge anymore.

While searching the Fright Zone, Adora and the gang run into the controlled princesses. And now that she is connected to the garnet crystal, so now she has op electric powers. Catra all like why could she do this when we were on the same side. And of course Catra also has to fight the water princess.

Horde prime realizes that he can access the heart of etheria without She Ra, and sets out to do just that. Entraptra runs into the real Hordak this time and tries to awaken him, he doesn’t capture her but he doesn’t go with her either.

Bow’s dads discover that there is a fail safe attached to the heart and destroy it. Shadow Weaver pops up and reveals that she knows where the fail safe is, Mystacor. So the rebellion goes on, and Shadow Weaver gonna Shadow Weaver and starts to be little Catra and needling Adora about getting stronger. She even flat says that Catra is holding Adora back. But when they reach the failsafe, Catra realizes that Shadow Weaver was tricking them. She's been here before and went back for them.

Shadow Weaver realized that the failsafe sucks all the magic out of the heart and sends it to the person, incinerating the user in magic. Only She ra has a chance of surviving. Adora being Adora, jumps at a chance to literally kill herself to save the world.

Catra can’t watch Adora do this so she leaves the group. You can see the heartbreak when she says that Adora will never like her the way that she likes Adora. Shadow Weaver goes to congratulate Adora on Finally getting rid of Catra, but Adora is having none of it. She tells the sorceress off and departs on her own. She even leaves Glimmer and Bow trapped in a hologram so they won’t try to save her.

While sulking, Catra sees Horde prime loudly announcing his plans to hijack Etheria. Fortunately for sour heroes, his control is visible as green light. Catra rushes to warn Adora but runs into a properly drunk Shadow Weaver. They rush off to save Adora. They bump into Glimmer and Bow and warn them of what’s happening on the surface. Glimmer and Bow go off to help the princesses, not both Glimmer and Catra have a really nice moment.

Meanwhile Adora sees Mara. Adora is so weirdly excited to sacrifice herself so everyone will be happy. But Mara sadly points that it didn’t work for her. Adora is attacked by a monster the first ones left to protect the heart. Catra and Shadow Weaver catch up and Catra gets Adora out of there. Shadow Weaver does one decent thing in her life and sacrifices herself to save the children she hurt so much. I’m not thrilled about her face heel turn but at least she died. I think there is something about the inherent narcissism of self sacrifice and how Adora shouldn’t do that but it is a small thing.

Entraptra sneaks into Horde Prime’s headquarters so she can unassimilate everyone. She is joined by Bow while Glimmer helps her remaining friends fight her father. Bow fights Scorpia when Entrapia is captured by Horde Prime himself. Hordak is with them. Entrapia encourages him to remember how he is. Hordak gets control of himself again and throws Horde prime over the edge; declaring himself his own man. But Horde prime just mind hopes right into Hordak’s body.

Back at the heart, Adora has a vision; her, Catra, Glimmer, and Bow old, safe, and having fun on the way to Scorpia’s ball. The real Catra appears; holding her hand out while the real Catra cradles Adora’s unconscious body. She confesses that she loves Adora. Adora awakes and says that she loves Catra too. And they kiss and the moment is perfect and earned and I’m so glad they got this to work. I wasn’t sure if the exces would let them do this and I’m so glad they got this moment. Your shipping getting canon is not always necceriassy but it is a fantastic feeling.

Bow and Glimmer had a moment too where Glimmer said she loved Bow and he kissed her forehead. It’s much more ambiguous than Catradora, but in an interview, Noelle realized that yes it was romantic but it was a last minute call, made literally in the recording booth.

Powered by lesbian love, Adora truns into She-Ra activates the failsafe and survives. But Horde primes figures if he can’t use the heart, he’ll kill everyone including himself, purged in the white light of fire. She Ra confronts him and banishes him from Hordak’s mind; leaving him to die without a body. Hordak remembers finding dear Adora as a baby.

Glimmer meets her dad and Catra reconciles with Scorpia. Razz nods in approval as the magic restores the planet. Adora declares that she’ll travel space spreading magic with her friends and her girlfriend.  

The ending is too abrupt. I don’t need a five year later epilogue but just spending a bit of more time with these characters to say goodbye. Catra and Scorpia and Glimmer and her dad get no time which is a big shame. Razz, a huge character last season, being reduced to a one line cameo is sad.

It was also weird that no one made a move to save Angella, when the show said she was trapped between dimensions not dead, so I thought they were sitting up a save her plot line. Maybe it was a censorship thing and trapped between dimensions meant she was dead.

I don’t know about anyone else, but I would love to see this version of She-Ra meet up with He-Man. I love crossovers and the two characters are literally siblings. Seeing this creative team tackling such ironic characters would be great. However, I don’t know if they could do this with the rights issues or if they would even want to do this. I know the popularity of this show has caused Netflix to greenlight two new He-Man shows; He-Man Revelation, a sequel to the original show helmed by Kevin Smith and a complete reboot. I’m sure both will be fine, but it won’t be the same.

This season and series is a triumph. The series started good but it wasn’t great, I remember thinking Bow and Glimmer in particular were very twee. Bow was basically diet Sokka in season one. But the characters grew and took on a life of their own. I’m glad I watched this show; I’m glad it was in my life.

4/4

[dvmbkid]

{cismale; homosexual} Is that MICHAEL SHEEN spotted in the Capitol? No, it’s ACACIUS BECHTEL who is a FIFTY year old who is from THE CAPITOL. HE is in the Capitol because HE’S a  DISTRICT ONE STYLIST. HE has been described as SILVER-TONGUED, but also MANIPULATIVE.

i’m back for round two ;)

BASICS.

FULL NAME: Acacius Bechtel. BIRTH DATE: October 31st. AGE: Fifty. ZODIAC: Scorpio. GENDER: Cismale. PRONOUNS: He/Him. SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Homosexual. STYLING FOR: District One. 

HISTORY.

acacius is ... peculiar, that’s for certain. speak to every sorry soul who’s ever met him and they’ll give you some variation of the word. his parents were quite the same. they were sponsors, powerful ones. the two of them could buy their way to the moon and back without a dent in their bank account.

that being said, their bank accounts were the only positive thing about them. acacius wasn’t well attended to. they were always out, either doing business or swinging with other rich married couples their age. they didn’t even care enough to hire a caretaker. he took himself to school, he cooked his own food, and mended his own clothing. it took a lot of trial and error, but he had to grow up quicker than most of his fellow capitol citizens. 

the older he got, the closer his parents tried to get with him. they started taking him to events with food he couldn’t cook in clothes he couldn’t hand sew. his maturity impressed all sorts of big wigs involved with the games, from sponsors to gamemakers. he was making connections with the government at sixteen, during the 66th games. he was able to see great things because of the places his parents took him to and the people he talked to, but it didn’t come without some things he’d rather forget. maltreatment of staff, tributes, and mentors --- he wishes he would’ve stopped them.

by the time he turned eighteen he was offered an apprenticeship under one of panem’s most prominent stylists and damnit he fell for him like a rock. acacius’ every thought was centered around coming up with new ideas to impress and prove himself to him. everyone thought it was a little weird, it was obvious how obsessed he was with him but even then he continued working to impress, completely oblivious to the traction his work was getting in the meantime.

his apprenticeship ended when he was twenty. he’d be a fool to stop working for the capitol, there was nowhere else he could go but up. this also meant that he wasn’t working under his schoolyard crush anymore. acacius would be lying if he said he didn’t screw him after the 71st games.

their relationship didn’t progress much further than that. some people need ... distance and acacius understood that. they seldom spoke after that and it stung, but hearing he was executed for supporting the failed rebellion that took place after the 74th games hurt more than he could understand. he tried not to think about it again, but it planted a seed of doubt in him that he couldn’t shake. maybe he could do something to help. one day.

since then, he’s kept his romantic life out of work. mostly. he just tries to keep his heart out of the game; it’s far too dangerous. he’d rather rub elbows with the capitol’s fattest cats --- and flirt with the closeted ones. it’s more fun when there aren’t any strings attached.

acacius had nowhere to go but up. he’s been seen with some of the most prominent figures of panem and he knows exactly what he wants to get out of them. he has people to do all of the things he had to do himself, but it ... spoiled him, a little bit. he expects everyone to wait on him hand and foot. it’s the capitol and he’s been in the game since diapers, so this works out in his favor more often than not.

to the naked eye he might seem like every other capitol citizen, all inflated egos and flashy dress, but acacius is different. it’ll just take a little more heartache to figure that out.

HEADCANONS & PERSONALITY

this is the gayest man alive. he gets it from me.

he is nice in the capitol kind of way. i always see it as minnesota nice with californian levels of passive aggressive, for my ‘mericans out there who are familiar with the vibes. basically, acacius could read the shit out of you and still have the decency to clean up the library afterwards. if you get my drift.

i wanted him to have the aziraphale voice so i gave him the aziraphale voice.

he’s got a soft heart, though. he cares a lot about the tributes and tries to make their pieces individual to them. fashion is nothing if it isn’t unique. he’s styled for every district throughout his career and he’s met a lot of different people, it’s still hard for him to grasp that most of them are dead. speaking of, i really want him to be friends with a victor he styled. i can’t stop thinkin abt it.

in a lot of ways, he’s very similar to his parents. socialite with a hedonistic streak. homie FUCKS !! 

i’m basing him off of tan france, jvn, oscar wilde, and just abt every young bright person. not from the movie but from, like, life. 

i am so tired. i'm having starbucks withdrawal. i hope you enjoy this because my brain is soft like cottage cheese and i don’t think you can get any more of this outta me.

[headoverjojo]

Let's suppose that each member of the squadra survives his individual battle and ends up being rescued by the gang. How would react to the revelation that those who humiliated him spared his life and how would adapt to the fact that he must -for the needs of this fangirl- coexist with the member who defeated him? It may not seem like it but I'm not looking for something romantic / sexual (continued in anonymous message 2)

Hi there darling! Aaaaah such an interesting request ** Ok, here we go, hoping you like it!

La Squadra’s members surviving their individual battles are rescued by Bruno’s gang

(under the cut for length!)

Risotto Nero

He really, really thought he was finished. Aerosmith’s bullets had pierced his whole body, his consciousness was fading… but something brought him back. A new vital energy, a breath of life… when he opened his eyes, he saw the rockie, Giorno- Giorno Giovanna, and the new Capo, Bucciarati. They helped him to get up, they explained him the situation and, in exchange, he told them about the duality of Doppio. He almost called out Metallica again when the boy, Narancia, almost jumped on him screaming he was sorry, he was so sorry, he didn’t want to shot at him… what a strange team, Risotto thought. They almost didn’t even seem mafia men and, even more, traitors.

The first ones Risotto noticed were Giorno and Bruno. Not only because they were the first ones he saw, but because it was evident that they both were the leaders. Bruno was the official leader, the one his teammates would have followed even to hell and back, but Giorno was the one who always gave them hope when it all seemed lost, the beacon of light they all, Bruno too, followed. He saw in the young boy a future leader… a bit more of experience, a bit more of training and Giorno would have been a perfect Don.

His stand works better alone, but, if Risotto is willing to, it can work with others too. Especially for interrogations -as Metallica slowly wounds and chokes the target, Giorno can heal them back when needed- and defense -while Moody Blues is on replay, leaving Abbacchio vulnerable, Metallica can attack anyone in a five meters range-. Also, the whole group -Bruno in particular- is relieved to have such an expert fighter by their side -and one who’s responsible and can keep them in line-. With his power and experience, they have more chances to win! And Risotto could avenge his fallen comrades.

Prosciutto

His sight was going black, as life was slowly leaving his body. Still… the last thing he saw was Bucciarati charging for Pesci. He just hoped that his little brother could find the resolve to win… to take the turtle to Risotto and the others, to… to avenge their teammates… he didn’t even realize he had closed his eyes. He was fading away… but fate said no. So Prosciutto was brought back by Gold Experience’s energy and, what an irony, the first face he was wasn’t Pesci’s, but the man’s who had reduced him in a pulp. Just that… he wasn’t a pulp anymore. Gold Experience had mended every wound. He slowly got up, without accepting any help, studying himself. That was an amazing power…

The first thing that Prosciutto thinks about them all is that they are too soft. They’re all softies like Pesci. Being a mafia man is nothing like this. It’s all about duty, about work and missions. A well done mission means more days of life; failed ones just death. He tries to make them understand that this is not a game of some sort, to present them the reality as it is: they’re going to fight the Boss. The probabilities to end up all alive are really slightly. They better start to get used to it.

Even if for a first moment he holds a little grudge towards Bruno, it soon fades, as professionality replaces it. Bruno won thanks to his smartness and quick mind: it was fair. Prosciutto can just learn from this fight and it’s what he does: what doesn’t kill you, in the end, strengthens you. He starts to cooperate with Bruno, mostly to keep the others in line and always focused, as he was used to do with Pesci. In exchange, Bruno helps him to be a bit more positive: sometimes hope and a strenuous attachment to life can make the difference between victory and loss.

Pesci

Pesci couldn’t even scream, since Bucciarati had zipped him in so many pieces. With an eye he saw his aniki, more dead than alive, under the train’s wheels; with the other he saw Bucciarati’s stern and implacable face. He knew he was finished. He knew he had failed and disappointed not just his aniki, but the entire team, both the alive members and the dead ones. He was going to die with failure on his shoulders… just that he didn’t die. Bruno showed un unexpected mercy and used Sticky Fingers to recompone him again. At Pesci’s surprised gaze, Bruno just said that he would have been more useful alive than dead, watching him with a stern gaze that was so similar to his aniki’s.

Once Bruno -and Giorno- knew that the Squadra Esecuzioni wanted to kill the Boss, they told him not to say a word to the others, but to say that he had betrayed his squad to join them. It’s painful, but it’s the only way to keep the secret hidden and not to make Pesci be killed in an instant. And Pesci does so, even if with heavy heart. He stays aside, since Narancia and Mista are too loud and Fugo too angry, reminding him of Ghiaccio. Bruno and Giorno are busy planning their rebellion, Trish stays aside too… the only one approachable seems Abbacchio.

And, in the end, they can collaborate for real: Pesci’s Beach Boy can be useful both to investigation and to protect Abbacchio while his Moody Blues is replaying. This, and his meek attitude -if compared to his teammates’ one- helps him to integrate in the group and, when they openly betray the Boss, he can finally confess what his squad wanted to do since the beginning, making them all -and Trish- understand that the girl is fundamental to find the Boss. He apologizes to Trish for what he and his teammates have done, promising that, now he would have helped to protect her from her crazy father.

Formaggio

That burns were bad. Oh, they were so bad. Still, he managed not to die on spot, like the stubborn bastard he was, making Narancia freak out. Still, the boy decided to take him to the group, as hostage and to let Bucciarati and Mista interrogate him. Formaggio bounced back and forth from consciousness and almost comatose state until he felt something giving him finally a bit of relief: it was Gold Experience. When he opened his eyes, he growled, seeing that he was in those assholes’ hands. How could it happen?! Damn, Illuso was going to howl in laughters. Formaggio has been captured by a bunch of kids! he can already hear him. Why it had to happen to him?!

Still, once the interrogation ended -and it was Formaggio the first to find out Bruno’s real intentions about the Boss and just then he told him about the Squadra’s real goal- he’s free to stay with them. He observes them for a little -especially the Narancia boy. That damn kid… he seemed the weak link of the group, but oh, he was wrong. The boy was reckless, but also smart. And willing to do anything to get out alive. He admired it, all in all. He reminded Formaggio himself when he was younger.

So, even if he doesn’t bond a lot with all of them -he’s still loyal to his team, he’s just waiting to talk to all of his teammates, one by one, to convince them to join forces with Bruno’s team- the one with whom he bonds a little more is, what an irony, Narancia. He’s sincerely impressed by the boy’s hidden talent and he doesn’t shy away when he has to say it, making Narancia more than surprised: he’s not used to receive compliments. And from an elite member of Passione? It’s, weirdly, even more meaningful. Narancia takes Formaggio’s words to his heart, gaining more confidence about his ability in fighting, even following some of the assassin’s advices. It’s a great chance for him to mature!

Melone

Melone’s saving had been actually pretty strange. The gang decided to follow the snake, to be sure that the assassin would have been dead soon. However, they changed their mind halfaway and the new plan was to take the assassin as hostage and interrogate him. And so it happens: Melone was caught without he could even have the chance to fight back. Bruno and Giorno were the one who interrogated him and to discover about their plan and Trish’s role in this. They formed a strange alliance with Melone: when time comes, he would have been with them to kill the Boss; meanwhile he had to say them what he knew.

And so he stays around, saved by Bruno’s order not to touch or hurt him, since he’s a resource. Melone passes his time studying them and working on Babyface, creeping the hell out them all. The only who doesn’t seem weirded out is that Giorno, the rockie one. Interesting… and his stand power is even more interesting. Maybe could there be a way to combine their stand power? His mind is overwhelmed. So many possibilities, so many experiments…! And Giorno seems even interested in trying!

So, Melone is allowed to study Gold Experience’s powers, seeing how they work, both to destroy and to heal, all while thinking about how to combine them to his Babyface. In the end he doesn’t manage to do so, but still, it was an interesting experiment. At least it seems that he earned, even if not a friend, at least an ally, in Bucciarati’s team: Giorno seems to see over Melone’s surfaced creepiness and weirdness, appreciating his sharp mind and thirsty curiosity. For Melone it’s new: aside Risotto, the others, even in his team, always thought that he was a weirdo. It’s… nice, for once, not being so. His stand power is ambiguous and he knows it, but no one seems to ever see beyond this.

Illuso

As for Giorno, Illuso was graced thanks to the sunlight. Purple Haze’s poison didn’t kill him and, after a small consult, the three decided to keep him alive and interrogate him. Even if Fugo didn’t like a lot the idea, seeing the danger represented by Illuso, he still agreed to it and, after having tied him -and having took away every mirror- they brought him to the refuge, where Bruno and Mista interrogated him. Illuso didn’t say a word, or better, he was unnervingly quiet while smirking ‘till Mista was in the room; when the boy left, Illuso told Bruno that he knew his gaze, the gaze of a traitor. And so he explained his team’s story and why they wanted to kill the Boss, leaving Bruno more and more baffled.

Bruno lets him stay with them, as “hostage”, officially, in reality as informer. Illuso knows so many things about the organization, even more than the Squadra Informazioni itself. Illuso hates wholeheartedly the Boss -and his Unità Speciale- so he’s ready to do everything to see him fall, even allying with a group of kids. He doesn’t care a lot about them -until they’re useful to his team’s goal, they’re fine-. Still, he’s pretty amazed by that bunch of kids… they are like his squad when they were starting to climb the ranks…

The one who picks more his attention is Fugo. The same boy who was so near to kill him off. He’s interested in Purple Haze’s powers: how do they work? How does Purple Haze act? He wants to see it and also see the stand’s true potential: it’d be really useful for his files. So he offers Fugo the mirror world, where he couldn’t hurt anyone, as his training arena. Here Illuso observes how Fugo maneuvers the stand, noticing his fear and disgust towards that stand that, in the end, it’s a part of himself. He… knows how it feels: in the beginning he didn’t like his stand too. It was the stand of a freak, not of an assassin. Still, he made it… he finds himself helping Fugo with Purple Haze, shouting advices from afar. Who knows… maybe that boy too would have managed to properly use such a powerful stand, one day.

Ghiaccio

Ghiaccio didn’t die on spot for sheer luck. And for sheer luck Giorno had mercy and healed him before life could abandon him, to keep him as informer and hostage, knowing that there was still one of the Squadra Esecuzioni around. It wasn’t… easy having him around. Ghiaccio was absolutely upset about the whole situation and hadn’t qualms to express it loudly and boldy. He almost spit on Bruno’s face, but then, after Venice, things changed. The team had openly betrayed the Boss… and Ghiaccio, even if prideful, could recognize a strong group, when he saw one. And Bucciarati’s team was strong. Maybe… maybe strong enough to kill the Boss.

Then, he agrees to collaborate with them, after explaining the whole thing and Trish’s role. He doesn’t have any interest in socializing with the other members: he has just one goal and it’s to kill off the Boss. End of the story. He’s not here to make friends, even less to befriend the ones who eliminated his teammates. He still shivers remembering that he had heard Melone dying on the phone. It’s… a hard alliance to accept. But he’s willing to eat his pride and do so. For Sorbetto, for Gelato, for all his fallen teammates. For Risotto, the only one left of the once feared Squadra Esecuzioni.

The only who picks a bit his interest is the gunman, Mista. He was the one who had the idea to use the other’s boy stand -Gold Experience?- to fool him and that, in the end, even almost sacrificing his life, managed to beat him. Ghiaccio admires his determination and resolve: it’s something uncommon even among the seniors, figures among the organization’s kids… and his stand, the Pistols, it reminds him a bit of Metallica. Even if Ghiaccio never approaches Mista, there’s a sort of solidarity among them, made of slight nods and mutual respect. Mista too admires the assassin, especially after the whole squad’s story: he too would have acted like this, if the Boss had killed so brutally his teammates.

[harinezumiko]

Long  Pearlnet Discussion Under Cut

ITT: Meta, bitching, and @antipuff letting me have my Opinions and putting up with my mad ramblings. 

Harinezumiko:

(ITT we never finish our goddamn fics)

god, I should relent and reread the Jaspearl Kyou Kara Maou Fake Married fic and finish it

I say knowing I went so far from canon that I would die from it

ROSE WAS STILL PINK DIAMOND THOUGH

GOT THAT SHIT RIGHT /SHOT

 Antipuff:

YOU SURE DID XD

You have amazing precog

 Harinezumiko:

I think I actually had Jasper call Pearl out on being Pink's Pearl because Everyone Knew But Steven in that fic

where's the Pearlnet Sugar woman

I came for the OTP when do I get it

 Antipuff:

You've guessed everything correctly, you deserve the Pearlnet xD

 Harinezumiko:

I. DO.

[Redacted]

Garnet also, by How Writing A Character Arc Works, deserves to a) have the autonomy to decide if she wants sum fuk individually and not just declare that it'd be impeding on Rupphire, b) needs to be demonstrably wrong about her future vision in a way that isn't just for comedy or just to idiot ball a plot point, c) get sum fuk damn son she and Pearl are both hopeless romantics why are they not dating, d) stop being a pillar of the group and actually make good on letting the others in where we get to see it, e) not end the series being Solitary Black [Woman] Who Don't Need No [Man]™

having said this, I would also accept option f) get down to Bismuth ;D

also permafusion needs to stop being the only romantic demonstration of love between Gems

also why did we get "Three's a Crowd" declared twice and then Steven tells Amethyst Bismuth's third wordplay namedrop would be funny and get proven wrong, why are you not giving me my rule of three with Three's A Crowd, where the fuck is the final note

I mean I guess the numbered Lion episodes wasn't 3 either but >_>

 Antipuff:

xDD

But yeah, those are some good points

 Harinezumiko:

also I feel okay with my e) point mainly because [friend] not only agrees, I think they're the one who gave me the formatting, so.

 Antipuff:

*nod nod nod I think that one's the best point!

 Harinezumiko:

I do too! Although I also don't think that the ship should sail solely to subvert the trope. But like... what was the point of Sardonyx arc if they end the series more emotionally distant than they started it?

like, Pearl lying to Garnet [and Ruby and Sapphire] is so distressing that Garnet can't exist over it

and they then make it clear that this is Not Normal and also that finding out Rose was a lying liar is at least as distressing when they drop the Pink Diamond Bomb, when do I get resolution

 Antipuff:

Right??

 Harinezumiko:

like, at least lampshade it outside of the book on fusion where the only page with Garnet as an individual component to the fusion other than Rupphire is the Sardonyx lead-in where Sugar used a line typically describing romantic relationships for it

I would not be #satisfied but like at least have someone say it in the show??

give me someone from the rebellion noticing they're domestic damn you Sugar

 Antipuff:

xD God, right? Don't just tease it!

 Harinezumiko:

right??

like, it wouldn't even be totally unprecedented, we literally have Bismuth and Amethyst who've only seen them at wildly different points in knowing each other

and Bismuth already remarked on Pearl's affectionate behavior being Not What She's Used To like a liar, because give me touch-starved overly-affectionate Pearl who lavishes affection on her friends after battle because she's afraid she won't see them again because she has to go back with Pink and pretend they didn't just fight  Yellow's troupes directly and Pink's not disposable like she is

it would be completely appropriate for her to be like Amethyst wtf they're attached at the hip, I have never seen this, and Amethyst to be like yeah no they were worse, also this is why I visit the barn always, Steven's room is too crowded now that he's got a neck

//shot

 Antipuff:

sgfbhrwbhgwal too crowded

If Bismuth isn't used to it, I wonder at what point they started being touchy-feely with each other?

 Harinezumiko:

Right?

Pearl was pretty handsy with Amethyst in the early-90s because someone had to reign in the feral child, so my assumption without shipping goggles was that they were all more physical before Rose died

and where Amethyst and Pearl clashed utterly on Not Dealing With That Shit and wound up fighting about everything, Pearl overcompensated for losing both the opportunity to cling on Rose and the closeness she'd had with Amethyst by gluing herself to Garnet's arm all the time, and Garnet allowed it because her new Leader Spot prevented her from being outwardly vulnerable

and then the +shipping opinion on my end was that they've been in love the entire time because OTP friends-to-lovers, and Garnet never said anything because Rose Reasons, and was waiting for Pearl to get her head out of the sand

...and also, obviously, in Pearl's case, a side of "oh my god the Gem I was made for is half of a meaty human baby now and everyone from the rebellion is either shattered or corrupted, I can't lose Garnet too" which only gets gayer the longer the series goes on

but I don't think Sardonyx would be who she is if the closeness was just after Rose died

 Antipuff:

No, I don't think she would be either

I don't think they'd been Sardonyx since Rose died tbh

 Harinezumiko:

I think if they had, it would've been to get shit done, but I generally agree

it would've only been short-bursts

but it'd also explain Amethyst's buttmad if she had a snag in her mane deep down that they still formed Sardonyx but she and Pearl couldn't form Opal

 Antipuff:

Yeahhhh that absolutely tracks!

Harinezumiko:

watch, though, Sardonyx only existed post-Rose because Escapism outside of instances where Amethyst's life was at stake, but Amethyst being Amethyst only ever needed Sardonyx Intervention right before poofing

[briangroth27]

Bumblebee Review

Bumblebee is a genuinely fun, kind-hearted family film and it’s very likely the best of the Transformers franchise. I still enjoy the first Transformers, didn’t like the second or third, and never bothered seeing the fourth or fifth, so I can’t be a true judge, but based on what I’ve read about the latter two I’m not planning on catching up. I also wasn’t expecting much from this film given how the franchise has gone, but I came away pleasantly surprised! Bumblebee tells a refreshingly focused and simple story about the friendship forged between the titular Autobot and Charlie Watson (Hailee Steinfeld).

Full Spoilers…

The movie starts off with a bombastic and frantic escape staged by the Autobot rebellion back on Cybertron, and while the action here (and throughout the movie) is cleanly and clearly shot—as I’ve seen noted elsewhere online, a nice change of pace from the other films in the franchise—I can’t say that I’m invested in the Autobot/Decepticon war at all. I’m all for a good ol’ “overthrow the fascist, freedom-oppressing evil empire” story, but this particular conflict just doesn’t hit the right notes for me for some reason. I don’t really know how the movies can fix that at this point (maybe more focus on showing, not telling?). Likewise, the movies haven’t made me a fan of any of the Transformer characters besides Bumblebee (Dylan O’Brien). Maybe that’s because of a lack of nostalgic recognition on my part—I’ve seen a handful of the original series episodes and the animated movie—but my main (and favorite) Transformers point of reference is the Beast Wars CGI cartoon from the 90s (Transformers Prime was also good, but didn’t stick with me in the way Beast Wars has). I think my lack of connection with most of the Transformers is also definitely due to the fact that Bee is the one who gets to bond with the humans most in the films, so I’m much more attached to him than Optimus Prime (Peter Cullen) or the others. I know a lot of fans have argued that the humans take up too much focus in these films, but Charlie and Bee (and Sam and Bee in the first one) bonding goes a long way towards humanizing and endearing these aliens. Besides, even in the vast majority of the cartoons, humans played a role.

In Bumblebee, I wish Bee got a chance to show more personality before he lost his voice. B-127 is certainly noble and heroic, but that seemed to be all there was to him at first. The more sheepish, injured version of Bee displays many more volumes of character (maybe because that’s when he gets to interact with Charlie?). I don’t believe for a second that trauma or tragedy makes characters inherently deeper or more interesting/engaging than happy/heroic ones , but because of what little we see of Bee before his voice box is (horrifically) ripped out, the temporary removal of his heroic veneer does a lot to expose other aspects of his character. In any case, Bee’s arc back to his ability to communicate and to reclaim his heroic mantle is solid and his recovery story was very well-told (pairing nicely with Charlie’s own recovery from loss). I also like that this film franchise, if nothing else, has never fallen for the idea that the most popular character (Bumblebee) needs to also be the leader of the Transformers. Not only is that a unique position, but in a way it puts him on the level of the kids he most closely bonds with. They aren’t the “leaders” in their lives either (that would be their parents/authority figures).

Charlie Watson was very likable and Steinfeld did a great job carrying the human side of the movie, perfectly balancing Charlie’s urge to get out and live her life vs. her resistance to change in her family and the dark cloud hanging over her. Her being a mechanic played well with a robot alien and also formed a strong connection to her dad (Tim Martin Gleason), whose loss is the source of her turmoil. That gave her and Bee a stronger bond than Bee playing wingman to Sam in the first film. I also liked that Charlie becoming Bee’s protector, healer, and disciplinarian made for a cool twist on losing her father, instead of Bee becoming her new father figure. While there’s a certain cliché connotation to making a girl into a mother figure in media (especially when there’s only one girl), while I think their relationship forces Charlie to grow up and accept more responsibility I don’t think it goes as far as saying that being a mother is her only destiny. Knowing Bee also gets Charlie to take more chances and move forward with her life, which had come to a stop in terms of fixing her dad’s car and getting back into diving, and I thought that worked pretty well. The car metaphor (Charlie needs to literally work on and repair her feelings about her dad’s heart attack via the Corvette they were working on together) is perfect, but the diving stuff is introduced a little awkwardly. It seemed like the school bully/popular jock Tripp (Ricardo Hoyos) existed almost solely to goad Charlie into jumping off a rock at a beach day hangout. That’s fine—he was barely a presence in the movie, so he truly does solely exist to challenge/further Charlie’s journey—but that scene also being the first big instance of her reluctance to take up diving again made things feel a little off or sudden/slightly random in some way. Still, the loss of her ability to dive is a neat connection to Bee’s loss of his voice; I just wish what it meant to her was a little more fleshed-out. Tripp’s girlfriend Tina (Grace Dzienny) being a mean girl made Charlie an outsider among her peers, which was a pretty good connection to Bumblebee among the humans. I’m glad that Charlie and her neighbor Memo (Jorge Lendeborg Jr.) didn’t end up together (even if she said “not yet”). The chemistry between Charlie and Bee was much stronger than between her and Memo (even though both relationships were platonic), and she never seemed to have a glimmer of romantic interest in him. And that’s totally fine! Healthy, platonic friendships between girls and guys are something we should see more of in movies and TV. Along these same lines, it was refreshing that they didn’t film Charlie with a male gaze. Charlie’s problems with her family (Pamela Adlon, Jason Drucker) moving on with her mom’s new boyfriend (Stephen Schneider) were well-developed and fit with her inability to move on from her dad’s death, but I wish that they’d been given a bigger moment where that family coalesced into a new family unit. The moment where it happens (in the middle of a car chase) is certainly dramatic, but it also felt too quick.

The villains, both human and Decepticon, were used well. Burns (John Cena) made for a good soldier stuck in a bad situation with orders he disagreed with (he’s the only one to point out their name is a big red flag), even if he still mostly follows his orders until the end. I was very happy that the “comedy” of Section 7 from the original Transformers films was largely dropped here, as that was always one of the weaker parts of those films to me. The Decepticons (Angela Bassett, Justin Theroux, David Sobolov) were suitably evil and imposing, if one-dimensional. I don’t need all villains to have a relatable motivation (sometimes evil is just evil), but the fascistic element of the Decepticons could’ve been played up in their dialogue and interactions with Bumblebee.

The effects were well done and I liked the use of the 80s here. The Decepticons gifting the humans the internet (to use it for their own nefarious purposes) was a nice tie back to the first movie’s comment that so much of our technology was reverse-engineered from studying the All Spark and Megatron. The songs they chose were still popular and recognizable, but not necessarily the songs that almost always accompany a trip to the 80s, which was nice. There’s one cliché and overdone bashing of “Never Gonna Give You Up,” but otherwise this was a refreshing change of pace music-wise.

I really wish we could get more adventures with Charlie and Bumblebee teaming up, but they go their separate ways at the end. It feels a little like the filmmakers felt they had to wrap everything up here instead of hoping they’d get a sequel (which is not at all a bad thing!), but closed the loop to the first film a little too tightly. Maybe there’s still a way for Bee and Charlie to meet up again in the future. Either way, this was a very enjoyable flick in the “80s kids meet an alien” vein and I definitely recommend it!

 Check out more of my reviews, opinions, and original short stories here!

[syntaxeme]

[Drown]

I wrote a very long and terrible psychological horror poem involving eldritch gods breaking and claiming unfortunate mortals’ minds. Cw sex, violence, & lots of abusive behavior but to be clear, this is in no way meant to be romantic. It’s 100% cruel mindfuckery. Jsyk.

He’s evil.

I know he is.

He’s claws and teeth and too many eyes, this dark, dark thing always lurking in the back of my mind.

He’s not real.

Some part of me insists.

He can’t be.

I must be going insane and that thought is so much less frightening.

But the scars are real.

Dark stains on my sheets, on my clothing, sometimes on the walls or the floors.

Red and black.

How could I do all this to myself?

How could I have created such a compelling, terrifying, beautiful, dangerous force within my own head?

I’m not that talented.

I hardly know anything about him; there’s no way I could’ve made him up.

It took so long for him to even tell me his name.

First it was None of Your Business, and he would hardly give me the time of day.

God he looked good, so painfully good, so tall, so dark, and so goddamn handsome.

This patent look of disdain always elegantly etched on his face.

So hard to draw out a smile but so rewarding when I could.

I didn’t even know yet why I wanted him so bad.

But I was determined to find out, no matter how many times he told me I would regret it.

“You’re nothing if not tenacious. I can appreciate that.”

It was close enough to a compliment that it had me swooning.

Later, his name was Irrelevant, as he said my mouth had better uses.

I was already so stupid for him that I didn’t care to argue.

Whatever part of me he wanted, he could have, and I’d be grateful.

For one little touch, one smile, the sound of his voice:

“Good boy.”

I was helpless.

He was kind enough to instruct me, told me just what he wanted to hear, and the words spilled out of my lips without my control.

All too soon, he had more power over my body and mind than I did.

For a while, his name was Amon, after I told him I wanted something to scream when he was fucking me.

He liked it when I talked that way, crass, honest, desperate, “fuck me,” “fuck me harder.”

And he especially liked the idea of me screaming for him.

When he spoke in imperatives, they were orders.

When I did it, we both knew I was begging.

There was an unspoken “please, please, please” attached to each one.

And if he was feeling generous, he would oblige.

He didn’t feel generous often.

Above all, our…interactions were about control for him.

And I gave it.

I let him do whatever he wanted with me.

It wasn’t long before that extended outside the bedroom.

Whenever he called to ask what I was doing, despite the accusatory tone in his voice, I still found the will to be happy about it.

To think this was an actual relationship of some kind and I wasn’t simply his possession.

That he cared about me.

That he was capable of caring about me.

Stupid.

But he made sure I had no other options.

Maybe he did get attached to me in one way or another.

At least enough to commit to ruining me completely.

I never saw him interact with my family or friends, but I’m positive now that he did.

Warned them away from me.

Manipulated them into thinking it was my decision.

He would tell me he was all I needed.

With that rare sweetness in his voice and a gentle touch, with his lips to my skin and his hooks already in my mind:

“You belong to me. Can you blame me for being possessive?”

I couldn’t.

And once I was his completely, once he was certain I wouldn’t dare leave, he finally told me his real name.

The word is spelled “Nyarlathotep,” but it sounds like something else.

It sounds like instability and fascination, like something too big to be contained in your mind and always threatening to break out.

I couldn’t repeat it, couldn’t make the same sounds he did.

He laughed at me, and I had the nerve to get butterflies.

“Xexanoth,” he offered instead. “Xano. Say it.”

That was an order I’d grown used to following.

He clearly enjoyed hearing it.

That was the point when things changed.

He must have been so certain of his grasp on my mind that he felt pretending wasn’t necessary anymore.

He stopped bothering to treat me like an equal, stopped calling me by my name.

I was only ever “pet”—or “habiibii” when he was being nice.

He wasn’t nice often.

There was no more communication when he wasn’t around.

No calls, no texts, no indication or where he was going or when he would be back.

But he demanded that I be waiting when he decided to show up.

If ever I wasn’t, he punished me, and not in an enjoyable way.

How could I argue with him?

I had already effectively given up my right to protest.

So I stayed locked up in my apartment in the dark, waiting for him to come back to me.

Most importantly, he started to…show me things.

Horrible things.

Fascinating things.

Amazing, unbelievable things that shouldn’t have been possible but they were for him.

Magic, but not the sweet fairy tale kind.

Dark.

Wicked.

Painful.

He wouldn’t tell me what he was, only that he was Something.

Again, it was None of My Business.

His sadism only got worse.

Not just kinky and edgy like before.

No more kisses, no more caresses.

Now when he wanted me to scream, there was blood.

Claws like razors, fangs like a snake’s, a deep growl in his chest and a hum of satisfaction with my tears.

Even worse: I wanted it.

I wanted every bruise, every cut, every swipe of his tongue tasting my blood.

If it earned me a smile, I was happy to suffer.

Whatever he wanted.

As always.

Once, I asked where he went when he left, and he told me there were others.

Others like me.

Others who got his attention, this same sort of attention.

And I waded far enough out of his fog to be angry.

I was furious.

And every bit of the insane, violent jealousy I felt was directed at the others, at anyone else he would even look at.

Not at him.

At them.

He loved it.

Seeing me that way, so fiercely possessive of something that was never mine to begin with, delighted him.

But only because it gave him the opportunity to subdue me again.

To hold me gently despite my thrashing.

To whisper that he adored my devotion.

To assure me that I was, by far, his favorite.

Somehow that made it better.

I could never fight with him for long.

He was only ever gentle that way when I worked up the courage to get angry.

If I showed even the slightest sign of rebellion—

Not disobedience, which was soundly punished, but actually fighting his control—

He turned on the charm full-force again, praised me, kissed me, coddled me back into soft, stupid surrender.

I know by now I’m too deep in to ever get out.

Like a well, like a lake, like something yawning, black, too deep, unfathomable—

I’m drowning.

The darkness in my head is spreading, spilling, filling my lungs until I choke.

We both know it.

He holds my chin, looks into my eyes, says confusing, cryptic things.

“Not long now.”

“Such progress, habiibii, and while I was away.”

“You can do this for me, can’t you?”

Anything, anything, just tell me what, tell me how…

He comes back and the room is full again and I feel warm for the first time in weeks.

He comes to me expectantly, and I’m there to be whatever he wants, whatever.

The words that tumble from my lips aren’t ones I recognize, and they aren’t easy to form.

These are sounds I’ve never heard before—no, I have, from him.

Sounds that make his dark eyes light up with excitement.

“Oh, that’s beautiful, pet.”

He’s beautiful.

I want to tell him, but the words come out wrong.

No, he understands me.

I know he does.

Even when I don’t fully understand myself.

These words aren’t mine but I mean every one

and he speaks back the same way and it’s only kind of speaking, it’s whispering, crawling, clawing, claiming and I can feel how wide my eyes are feel the tears on my cheeks but can’t look away from him don’t dare

his name, his real name forces its way off my tongue and he swallows it kisses me owns every inch of me

his whatever he wants his

it’s not so much feeling anymore not sensation just knowing and I know all and none at once

him

all I know

him

nothing

not pain not heat not sharp or fast

not about me no me anymore except to be his and what else is there

nothing

just

what

being.

and not.