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randomfoggytiger · 3 months ago

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React: A Late-Canon Reviler Gives the Revival a Try (Weremonster), Part III

Here we go, first comedic episode of the Revival.

…Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay…

Part I (My Struggle I) and Part II (Founder's Mutation).

Let's go!

MULDER AND SCULLY MEET THE WEREMONSTER

Why are we starting with adults huffing spray paint.

…Darin wrote two episodes with people getting high off of the strangest substances.

And that’s not a lot, but it’s odd that it happened twice.

Why do monsters always run towards the people or object or whatever they’re trying to scare or escape from? Like, what if he got surprise-shanked by two high, high school dropouts? (It’s not out of the realm of possibility.)

No self-preservation instinct, tsk tsk.

This dude’s okay, no that dude, woah that dude might not be okay.

…Random paper bag for the high man to stress-blow into.

Oh, look, a writer remembering the lore.

How quaint.

(Sidenote: Darin did not remember the lore, and kinda prided himself on not keeping up with all of it. But that won’t matter to me if he writes a good one-off.)

Mulder’s older now so he can’t stretch his neck to throw pencils at the ceiling. I guess. I suppose. I supposition. I presume.

Kumail’s in this one?

…’Kay.

“Mulder?” Yay, that’s Scully-- “What are you doing to my poster?” And that’s Gillian.

Mulder’s recounting all his failures in an upbeat, presentational way ‘cuz he’s wooing his girl. At least neither of them act like they’re on the precipice of death, that’s neato.

Oh, look, Scully can smile. Remember how she did that twice in My Struggle I? Good times.

Why’s her shirt look like it’s from Walmart?

Forgot this… pencil-scratch material was popular around the mid twenty-teens.

Can I forget it again…? …No? Do they leave it behind in Season 10?

“--Going through these cases with fresh, if not wiser eyes.” Well, I don’t know about that.

Also, is that a dig at his “wiseness” or a tongue-in-cheek joke at Mulder’s pat-on-the-back nature? (Lemme rewind.) Backpat coupled with epiphany.

“Mulder? Have you been taking your meds?”

…

….

…..

What, did they expect a laugh out of me? It just annoyed me because of the whole “Mulder’s depression” trauma I suffered for two episodes.

But at least Darin’s trying to remind us that’s an on-going issue (despite CC implying it doesn’t bother Mulder anymore in My Struggle I and Morgan?-- or Wong-- reinforcing that idea in his “bitterly healed and chakras open” Founder’s Mutation ending.)

Mulder’s a middle-aged man who just got back to the office and is wondering if anything he’s accomplished… well, if he’s accomplished anything.

A valid question in these dark times.

And by dark times, we all know what me and my chocolate-addled, My Struggle-PTSDed brain are referring to.

Mulder certainly does:

“Maybe it’s time to put away childish things-- the Sasquatches, the Mothmen, and… Jackalopes.”

Okay, well that’s rude-- I always wanted to see a jackalope case.

Mulder spent one weekend not getting a community response to his latest fanfic and let the dark thoughts take over.

All joke’s aside, this is an… it’s an okay scene. It’s weighty enough to be taken seriously, you feel for this clone of Mulder’s, you hope he gets his Mr. Incredibles act together--

Oh, wait, he already did by now.

I guess.

We skipped the traincar training montage while he was getting back into FBI ready shape.

…

.....

.......

You’re welcome.

On another aside, Skinner just pulled all the strings only for Mulder to have an identity crisis after one weirdo case.

Man’s been carrying everyone on his back for decades with no rest and his newly recruited, depressed-but-not-depressed-depending-on-the-writer, domesticated-feral-animal agent might just trounce back out of the FBI and go wall up somewhere to mope.

At least he’s not wandering off to take illegal substances to satisfy his curiosity.

No.

That’s saved for another episode.

Scully brushes over Mulder’s confession to say, “we got another case, and this one’s ALSO got a monster in it.”

And that makes him happy.

Oooooooooooooooooooooooookay.

*scribbling notes for later observation*

Darin has a favorite and that is OG Scully. And I will give it to him, she actually sounds happy for once.

ALSO, I noticed your smoker voice is gone, GILLIAN, unless you’re mumbling or using The Sad Voice ™. I noticed.

Scully’s insisting this is a monster case while Mulder mopes around the woods and says it’s a mountain lion.

…I’m NOT gonna nitpick. I’m NOT-- OKAY, so, rewind time.

Older Mulder-- as in the 90s Mulder-- would have at least been amused by Scully’s antics and followed her around for the fun of it, unless he felt used and abused, i.e. Host and Folie a Deux. Here is not the case.

Further, he was intrigued in the basement but is now kind of… dismissive.

Which is. It’s not a big problem, it doesn’t stand out, and it wouldn’t be something I’d clock except I’m very disgruntled and burned and grumpy about the past three days.

However.

Let’s continue.

Mulder’s Patriarchy Pants are making him do the Marilyn Monroe wiggle again. However, like a virus, middle-aged wedgie crotch has infected Scully, too; and the two of them are squeak-squonking ‘round the forest.

They do say marriage slowly turns you into each other.

Mulder sloughing off the naked guy in the crime scene pics as “Well, maybe he’s a nudist.”

Darin.

I know what you’re doing here.

Give Mulder the doubting identity crisis and have his faith transformed. A reverse Clyde Bruckman, if you will. I get it. But you gotta admit, "a nudist" is a pretty weak rationalization, let alone a comeback.

“That’s how I’d like to go out.” That saved it a little.

“The uniqueness of the wound, Mulder, implies a human element.”

“Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, Scully, I gave up profiling before I gave up monsters.” WHAT? LAST WEEK?

YOUR CREDENTIALS AS A PROFILER GOT YOU HIRED BACK TO THE FBI--

Pause, pause, pause.

He’s probably being tongue-in-cheek. He gave up monsters this morning and profiling last night.

…If he’s not, what’s Mulder gonna do? Take up residence under Skinner’s desk? Have his bald benefactor feed him pencil shavings between meetings?

“You seen one serial killer, you seen ‘em all.” Quite literally, no.

I am.

Puzzled.

It’s not offensive-- WAIT, NO. I’m being emotionally manipulated by a softer Mulder and more upbeat Scully, youcan’ttakemealive--

“Mulder, I can see you’re going through a questioning phase of some sort--”

You don’t say.

From bar to basement. From closet to forest. From Founder’s Mutation to… Weremonster Investigation.

Scully points out they need to help the victims.

Mulder: “Okay, well when you put it that way, Scully, but mark my words--”

I’m not getting the essence of Mulder here, gang.

I got him for, like, three whiffs in My Struggle I and once at the end of Founder’s Mutation, but he’s MIA here so far.

…Perhaps my “clone Mulder” crack in a previous paragraph kinds fits.

Hmmm. If he continues to be Mulder-adjacent, I shall name him… I was gonna say ‘Charlie’, then remembered that’s Scully’s brother’s name. The CC name rot is infecting me.

The streetwalker-on-crack scene was amusing, but not really funny.

OH, MAN, JUST GOT JUMP-SCARED BY KUMAIL, OHMYWORD.

Also, that was a weird cut-- Scully opens her mouth to say something, Mulder looks at her, CUT, Kumail face.

The director was meaning to imply Mulder stopped Scully’s attempted defense with a look, but it only made it seem like one of them said something so cancellable the editors drop-kicked that bit from the final recording.

I haven’t laughed once .

Welp, Kumail ran off after playing a scared animal control officer for three seconds.

Pardon, but what was the purpose of that scene?

This kinda feels like a play: in this set piece, the hooker whacks a creature with a purse; in this set piece, Kumail gets spooked by the agents and runs off after hearing a roar; still in this set piece, Mulder whips out his phone and starts… hitting… the… picture… button.

My thought process:

It's dark at night.

2. I hear a ROAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR.

3. I'm pulling out my gun, not my camera.

You know why?

There are more tigers in North American than the world combined.

Just sayin’.

SCULLY, REINSTALL THE SAFETY FEATURE IN YOUR KEN, PLEASE.

JUST. PUT. THE PHONE. ON. VIDEO. MODE.

Oh, wait, he’s a tech goombus who doesn’t know how to take videos.

THEY SAW A DEAD BODY--

…

THEY SAW A DEAD BODY THROUGH HIS PHOTOS INSTEAD OF NOTICING THE CORPSE RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM?

I’m not mad because this isn’t as mean-spirited as the previous two episodes, but that’s just. That’s just.

That.

Wait, how’d they get from Mulder’s camera setting to his photo collage, without swiping or going there or…? He was taking rapid-fire pictures, Scully looks over, says, “What’s that?”, and the camera cuts to a picture that has to be in the phone’s gallery. …What happened-- you know what? Never mind.

Mulder runs off INTO THE DARK with ONLY HIS CAMERA OUT while Scully is yards behind him WITH THE GUN.

Solid decision making there.

My man, if this were a tiger (we’ve already seen it’s the horny Lizardman) or a cougar in heat (well, give Scully a few episodes), you’d probably be very dead.

I’ve named Mulder-Clone: Ken. He’s cute, he’s having an identity crisis, and he’s as dumb as a rock.

This fits unintentionally well with his Patriarchy Pants (though they’re wearing him, not of the other way around.)

Kumail’s here and they both scared each other and now they’re hyper-Ken-focusing on Ken’s wonky phone app and stuff.

Barbie-- clone Scully-- hears Ken and Kumail screaming their lungs out after getting jumped by Lizardman and only NOW notices Mulder had Marilyn Monroe shimmied off.

Imagine if this were the end of Mulders career: questioning his life’s purpose, losing the battle to technology, and T-posing, dead, on the ground.

Ken sounds completely fine when Scully runs up to him asking if he's okay. No wooziness. No nothing. (Kumail, too.)

“Okay. I quit.” Smarty Mr. K. over there (not Ken, but you knew that.)

Monster’s a-running, and Formerly-Mulder springs up and races off with Scully.

What did that jumpscare accomplish, narratively? What did any of these jumpscares accomplish, narratively?

I know we’re only 10 minutes in, but it’s feeling a little too… scene-scene-scene-scene-scene, jumpscare-jumpscare-jumpscare, phone-phone-phone-phone-phone. T-pose. That was a shakeup, I guess.

Ken was going to question the guy on the pot (who is, indeed, the Lizardman, btw) but notices Scully’s face and closes the door and walks away with her.

Strangely, that and the basement are the only scenes, thus far, where Ken was most like Mulder.

Scully, do you regret putting a battery pack in your Ken doll now?

This interaction is still Ken-not-Mulder, but Scully is kinda recognizable.

Just realized. Mulder replaced his slideshow with a phone. Now he can inflict them on his partner even in the midst of her autopsies.

No one is safe.

THERE’S A MULDER MOMENT, I ACTUALLY SMILED!

And now it’s gone.

“So now you’re saying you were attacked by a six-foot horny toad?”

“Woah, let’s keep this in the realm of natural sciences, shall we?”

Um.

That’s not a Mulder line.

That’s not even a Ken line, I don’t think.

Need to think up a new name for Mulder, I guess.

I figured it out. David’s attacking the lines too vigorously rather than letting them breathe. I’m sure he’ll get there.

Or Mulder and Scully were swallowed up by a black hole the second after they exchanged “Scratchy beard” niceties. Because that’s the last I’ve seen of them.

But honestly? Clone. Lives. Matter.

So, I shall fully support Clone Mulder and Clone Scully living their truth, expressing their lived experiences, and digging through each other’s brains like hairless capuchin monkeys dressed in skin-tight leotards.

I was gonna say “horny, hairless capuchin monkeys” but I’ve not got a LICK of sexual tension between them this whole time.

They do say married couples transition from goose-pimply “honeymoon love” to matured, knowing passion; but all I’m getting is the “knowing” and none of the “passion”.

Right after my point, the two exchanged a little upbeat moment. I’ll give it that; but the passion’s still not there.

WAIT, this episode has the fox-in-the-wall scene?

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

I thought that was the doppelganger one.

‘Kay. Color me intrigued.

…WHAT is going on with these random, “comedic” scenes?

Desk clerk yells "Monster!", Mulder runs in, guy’s shaking over a bottle, makes up a story, tells Mulder to go back to his room “or I’ll kill ya.” Mulder nods and walks off.

I’m not getting the fun of this episode, but I’m only 12 minutes in. So.

Mulder’s snooping in someone else’s room.

Mulder took someone else’s meds.

Mulder found an animal head with hollow eyes that led him to a secret room behind the motel room.

Heh, get it, he’s a Fox looking through fox eyes at Scully. Get it.

I’m remembering bits from DD and GA’s commentary and how they were cheering him on in this moment. Someone should’ve told them this is Clone!Mulder.

More proof this man finds burrows in the unlikeliest places:

The manager says he installed those peeping tom hallways after 9/11, and yes that’s being used as an excuse but there’s supposed to be a joke behind it, right?

For instance: Rocky from Jose Chung’s From Outer Space took some political hits, but the jokes were funny and well-written. Here, they're either badly written or… someone’s directing these actors astray. And I know Clone!Mulder and innkeeper man are good actors because they’re doing their best selling this material. Things still feel wonky, unfortunately.

Mulder’s getting objectified again, Your Honor. He got closeted last episode, he’s “questioning” this episode, and he’s being stared at in his speedo. And he didn't mind one bit.

Innkeeper man’s got closets of his own, too. *badum tssssss*

HOW did Mulder’s phone get a picture of the Lizardman in his human form earlier? In the split-second he and Scully opened the potty stall before turning and continuing their search? I'll even grant that... but a CLEAR one?

Whatever, whatever, whatever.

Clone!Mulder’s patched his disbelief during the insomnia upgrade.

Clone!Scully unleashed a beast but still wakes up and stays up to hear him ramble. (Here’s the “my Mulder” line and the could-have-been-a-Knick’s-T-shirt moment.)

I do have another nitpick: why is Mulder diatribing here-- trying to convince Scully it’s a werewolf when she’s been saying monster or creature from the get-go? Is it the “werewolf” claim that he thinks she’ll rebut? Or?

I do like: Scully about to answer, then nearly smiling when Mulder cuts her off. Brilliant touch. Hats off to GA for that second of goodness.

“‘It defies every known law of nature’-- exactly, Scully, every known law of nature!”

Mulder, she’s agreed with this point since Herrenvolk. She kinda did a mini speech about it.

He doesn’t know how it came to be, but all he’s saying is, “it’s a MONSTER.”

She’s ready to go back to the Unremarkable House already, Mulder. She just needed you to nerd out over monsters.

Which… isn’t that actually the most Scully thing you’ve ever heard? Think about it: she wants to leave the Conspiracy behind, it’s eating her alive, she’s so sad and yadda yadda yadda. Darin says, “Hold up, this girl loves Mulder’s rants and raves” and makes her poke and prod him out of despair with a juicy creature case. And then (hopefully) reaps the benefits.

Girl’s got a mission.

And also, this doesn’t mesh at all with the Revival’s canon, but when has that stopped this crazy trainwreck?

Why’s Scully calling him watered-down-for-FOX’s-approval crazy when she’s been saying creature this whole time? Does she just… like arguing him? …That’s a stupid question, does she like arguing with him this much? …Again, that’s a--

Mulder spouts his theory, admits he stole stuff from another guy’s room, and tells Scully they can use his meds to track him down. “Well, that sounds like a good investigative plan.” In other words: “And you do so good at beach.”

Now Mulder wants to go peeping around the motel, for the lols.

Ken energy, I’m just saying.

Alsooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo not Mulder, sorry. He’d be curious, intrigued, perhaps roughishly amused by peeping tom corridors; but he’s never taken the time to search places inch-by-inch, top-to-bottom unless they directly related to the case. Is this a nitpick? Probably. But he’s flinging around broken FBI regulations left-and-right, carelessly reckless of all the rules and laws he’s breaking. Sure, Mulder’s a lawbreaker; but not to the extent that it would violate civilian rights. And even if it were fine, he’d be running off to the next lead instead of sticking around to snuffle through a useless one.

The “Lizardman stabbing himself in the mirror with green glass to break the curse, not realizing it’s him” story doesn’t… really…. Darin Morgan’s writing crackfic at this point.

Impotency jokes.

Ahhh, the middle ages: you end up questioning things about yourself or having to pop pills one way or another.

The comedy keeps failing, I think, because it’s trying too hard. This episode feels like a play (did I mention that earlier?) with dramatic pauses and etc. etc. Not really X-Filesy.

The psychologist prescribes Mulder a pill (because Mulder believes the Lizardman’s a lizard man), then pops the pill himself the second Mulder leaves… which meansssss he believed, too? Though he doesn’t?

I get he was supposed to be a crazy psychologist (ala Dr. Spiegel during the Johnny Depp trials), but, again, the comedy flopped.

“Horny toad lizard man” works at a smart phone shop OF COURSE. Because that’s soooooooooooo clever! Modernization, crises of humanity and identity, get it???

Weremonster’s not offensive, but it’s… I’m gonna be honest, it’s not clever, either.

Why does Scully wear her shirt open almost past her bra line now? Not shaming her, but that doesn’t seem a very Scully thing to do. I don’t know, maybe I’m overthinking things. It was just her style, her way, her self-expression; and it feels smudged and lost in this version of Clone!Scully.

At least she seems more naturally Scully, this episode. Which means she can only be natural in the funny episodes, huh.

Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh.

Mulder has a gold car? Mulder rented a gold car? There’s a gold car here that serves as middle-age-over-compensation commentary.

Mulder chastises Scully about the danger of approaching a dangerous suspect without backup then runs off, get it, ‘cuz that’s FUNNY.

I must have a heart of coal because I’m bored instead of tickled. It’s waaaaaaay better than being angry and tired, though, so.

“I’ll take it” is giving this experience too many brownie points, so I’ll use “I’m resigned”, instead.

Here we go, the part where the Lizardman voices Darin Morgan’s gripes with work culture (and I say that because Darin himself said he only works because he has to pay the bills. Which, fair enough, I suppose.)

Wait. Did Lizo Man go from a generic British to an Australian accent?

Guy tries to stage a cop suicide by green glass at Mulder’s hands and…. I’m sorry, this is kind of a fever dream. I can’t even unpack that logic for some bizarre reason.

Let me unpack that logic for some bizarre reason:

Psychologist tells Lizardman the story about breaking the curse by getting stabbed in the appendix.

It involves the realization that the Werelizard stares at himself in the mirror and realizes he’s the monster.

Does… does that prevent him from committing suicide? The psycologist’s instructions remain murky.

Lizardman’s fed up with existence. Decides enough’s enough and goes back to the cemetery.

Mulder walks up and tries to get him to unburden himself.

Lizardman tries to bait him into cop homicide by green bottle.

…How in the world did he think that would happen.

MULDER. LOST. HIS GUN. Which is probably a wink-and-nod by Darin of the good ol’ days when Mulder lost it constantly.

This Lizard’s gotta know who Mulder is at this point, and that Mulder would track him down and find him. That’s my prediction.

Mulder agrees to kill Guy Mann. Guy Mann calls him the only nice human he’s ever met. Of course cut back to Mulder’s face as he insists Guy tell him the whole story, first.

Scully has no idea where Mulder is, does she.

I knew the psychologist’s “other client thought he was a werewolf” would play into this. Heavy-handedly.

The stupid, perfectly placed bush when Lizardman woke the next morning. I can’t even be mad at it.

He took the not-nudist’s clothes, that explains things.

The dialogue’s also kind of… juuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuvenile.

Lizardman leaped over the natural order of human life by talking mad game, and Darin glosses over the details with “humans are the best at that.” Ooooooookay.

Nope, that doesn’t work for me. Not if Lizardman joined a tech shop and got promoted to manager the next day.

I feel like Darin hasn’t hung around iphone shops much.

HE COMMITTED A MURDER BECAUSE HE ATE A COW IN A HAMBURGER. Really.

Was this lizard a vegetarian????? Because animals constantly break their own eating rituals if they’re hungry (deer eating baby birds, rabbits, and even human corpses, for example.) I doubt a creature of that size and strength existed only on vegetation, especially if there were food shortages during the natural course of its life (which happens in the wild.)

But NITPICK ASIDE, he ate his first cow.

…Why didn’t he go find a head of lettuce and chow down on it? Then realize he’s missing something, eat the chicken from the salad, then go on a meat-eating binge? That would have been kinda funny.

Oh, he’s an insectivore.

So, he’s a meat eater.

And he--, uuuuuuuuuuuuugh--

Dude’s a protein eater via the carcases of other living things, not plants.

Dude didn’t have consciousness until he woke a man.

So it wouldn’t have mattered to Dude if he ate a cow, anyway, because he’s a carnivore and humans are omnivores.

So what gives?

“No one likes insects. Not even other insects.” SO INSECTS HAVE EMOTIONS, LIKES, AND PREFERENCES. YET, YOU ATE THEM. I don’t see sound reasoning for an ethical or moral stance here, Guy Mann.

Lizardman spent the rest of the day helplessly watching… porn. Just couldn’t help himself. Uh huh.

Dude, you were an animal YESTERDAY, with no association to human morays or social etiquette or guidelines or….

OH. That’s how the Scully scene plays into this.

But then that scene’ll be shot because it’s played for jokes-- males wanting to overexaggerate their knotch count-- rather than a very real reality of animals with zero morals when it comes to their procreation habits.

Let’s see if I’m right.

Guys, this would have been funnier and-- there’s that word again-- clever if Guy Mann lived like a caveman for a few days then overheard some humans talk about job, bills, and etc. spiraled, thinking he would be stuck as a half-human forever, and resigned himself to the fate of every other human (through the lens of his lizard brain, heh.)

It’s not supposed to be taken seriously, I know, but Darin always wrote plausibility into his previous scripts. This one feels like he didn’t try hard enough.

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO wow.

Guy went to a "witch doctor"-- oops, “a psychologist”-- but stopped taking his prescribed meds because “it just clouded my thoughts” TO WHICH MULDER NODS IN UNDERSTANDING.

Mulder gets it because, as an Oxford educated psychologist, he could diagnose the other psychologist (who shouldn’t be prescribing meds) as a wack job.

Mulder stopped taking his meds.

Which is what Scully asked if he’d done in the intro.

Which means his depression’s gone away without his meds.

Which means his depression’s either CURED, BOOM, or he never needed meds to begin with.

Which means Scully misdiagnosed him.

And left.

OR Mulder stopped taking them and was on depression med withdrawal in the beginning of this episode, hence his melancholia…?

‘Tis a mess.

Only time to be happy as a human is to spend time in the company of a non-human-- YOU’RE AN ANIMAL. YOU’RE NOT A HUMAN. YOU JUST LOOK LIKE ONE FOR TWELVE HOURS A DAY.

Also, Daggoo. Yup. There he is. Uhuh.

Scully was robbed of her first dog by an overgrown lizard and robbed from another overgrown lizard in return.

Daggoo was let out of the motel and ran off, and Mann felt crushing loss and grief (while looking not quite that) then ran into Mulder and Smarty K and ran to the toilet and got pap shot by Mulder and etc.

(Also, he ran into the werewolf dude; and Mulder knows the urge to “strangle him and eat his flesh” when it comes to villains and their villainy.)

Hokey. That’s how I would describe this episode. Inoffensive, but new Scooby Doo.

Wait, he threw his clothes off while witnessing the werewolf man eat another man (get it, it looked like animalistic sex) then but had them on again when Mulder ripped open the stall door and took his pants-down shot.

What.

Wait, Mulder’s up-to-day with transgender procedures and terms but not? familiar with gay bars?

What, did he subscribe to a Queer Life email subscription between episodes, or is that too new-fangled?

This episode doesn’t know what angle it wants to tackle for Clone!Mulder (forgot that nickname temporarily) and instead becomes a mix of everything at different strengths (that also change depending on which scene.)

HOW did Guy Mann not recognize Mulder after Mulder took a picture of him on the port-a-potty??? And stuck around to ask him some questions???

“That was me, actually.”

“I thought I recognized you!”

So. He… diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiid?

OR it was a jackalope head on the wall?

No, wait, it wasn’t a jackalope, Guy Mann just misidentified the animal head on the wall-- and he’s “creeped out” by jackalopes ever since a friend got “gored” by them and GET IT, GUYS, THIS ALL LINKS BACK TO THE BASEMENT WHEN MULDER TALKED ABOUT MOTHMEN AND JACKALOPES.

I swear, Mulder’s just trippin or suffering withdrawals from his depression meds.

Scully said, “We have a creature case,” and he went home and dreamed this all up in a slime pit of sweat.

HIS DEAD FRIEND GEORGE.

SO THESE LIZARD PEOPLE HAVE NAMES????

THEN WHY’S HIS NAME GUY MANN?????????????????????????????????????

SO, they have friends and eat insects that have some form of consciousness and consider burgers to be cow murder.

I need to stop thinking seriously about this plot.

It’s pit stink Mulder thrashing around in his bed, smiling over speedos and peeping tom tunnels and Scully affectionately calling him crazy-- and that makes the most sense, honestly.

“I think my phone isn’t working right because guy’s don’t send me pictures of their junk on it.”

More evidence that this was written not by Darin Morgan but by his middle school aged doppelganger, Marin Dorgan, who split from his body during the stress of having to write for the Revival.

“Ever since I became a human, I can’t help but lie about my sex life.” Stupid. He’d need a Twitter account, first.

Mulder’s back to doubting because the entire story’s too silly. To be fair, I do like this beat; and it does align (if you squint at it) with his journey out of depression. BUT it is all too silly, so… kinda think Clone!Mulder’s got a point.

Mulder smiling over learning that Shakespeare called us all ignorant idiots is a nice touch which I shall now spoil: how did Guy Mann know that? Porn?

“Fox, man, you’ve gotta put me out of my misery!” Get it, Fox Mann, Guy Mann? Animals, GET IT.

“You wanted to arrest me for something I didn’t do. Who takes advantage like that? I’ll tell you: a human.” That’s the only comedic bit that landed, for me, and even then it was a lip twitch. His contained righteous indignation got through whatever made the rest of this the way it is! WHOO!

The guys goes stomping off yelling “Monster!” behind him at Mulder to drive his point home, which drives Mulder to drink.

“Mulder’s the monster, get it, because he doesn’t know what he is and is just willing to use other people for his own selfish ends?” the plot says, affectionately, with a giggle behind its hand.

This is the scene where he collapses by Kim Manner’s tomb, isn’t it.

ARE YOU KIDDING, MULDER HAS HIS THEME SONG AS A RINGTONE.

MULDER’S HIGH, THAT’S IT. HE’S HIGH OR OVERDOSING ON HAPPY DRUGS, THERE’S NO OTHER EXPLANATION.

Now that I know this is Ken Mulder’s delirium, it’s going to be interesting to draw unauthorized conclusions about his Alice in Wonderland hallucination.

Aww, look, it’s Kim Manners.

Mulder’s got his Patriarchy Pants' cheeks right on Kim’s face.

Me, ten minutes into the Revival: “Maybe I’m just a fool, Scully. Maybe I always have been.”

Can’t knock that line too much because it is a Mulder thing to think or say.

And it still fits into my delirium scenario, so.

Oh, Kumail’s been turned. Didn’t see that coming. The music’s suspenseful, too. That’s cool.

There’s no way Mulder should figure this out, but he probably will.

Oh, he didn’t.

That’s good.

Also, Scully’s: “Maybe I miss having a dog. And someone to hold my grudges for me,” could apply to her tendency to own dogs but it also might refer to Mulder who she let “curse God for a while” in her stead in IWTB.

Also, where was THIS scene hiding? It’s really good.

Ken Mulder’s hobbling, not running, to his car. ‘Kay.

Wait, Kumail's not a werewolf?

And Scully's got it all handled????

Wait, NO, that makes no sense. AND IT’S ALL EXPLAINED AWAY WITH “I’M IMMORTAL.” what.

Scully went to the animal control shelter because she suspected Kumail of being the murderer.

She lingered with her back to Kumail, letting him have home court advantage.

HE SLIPPED A NOOSE AROUND HER NECK.

That’s it, she’s doneso. She’s a 5’2” woman that’s as light as a bird, there’s no way she’s topping a man, let alone one with a noose around her neck and distance on his side.

Yes, I know this was because the transgender woman surprised Guy Mann with her punch, but that doesn’t translate to a stunning twist for Scully to also have the upper hand. She doesn’t have enough meat on her bones, and nowhere near the arm length to stop her attacker.

Did Guy Mann show up and interfere? Help her out in anyway? Did the dogs rush in and tackle him until she could get up?

IS SCULLY A DOG WHISPERER????? If so, why did Daggoo bite her????????

I will say: Kumail being the murderer really changes that one scene where he was sneaking up behind Mulder.

And also… the fact that he worked for an animal shelter, since he started with small animals.

WAIT, this is a normal animal control shelter, yes? That’s what Mulder yelled into his phone, anyway.

But… there were only dogs in the room when Mulder and the officers arrived.

So. Scully is a dog whisperer, or she tackled Kumail, loosed all the dogs before he got up, and pinned him (impossible) until the cops arrived. I guess. Or the dogs were loose to begin with.

Oh, and chickens.

Dogs and chickens.

Dogs. And chickens. And goats.

(Were ALL the animals loose??????)

Scully, the farm animal whisperer. A trait she must share with her Wyoming son.

Welp. There goes that scene.

Scully approached a dangerous suspect twice without backup (says Mulder, who was Kenning it out in the cemetery with the first dangerous suspect… and the second, if you count him running off and nearly getting offed by Kumail without his knowledge); and excuses it by saying Mulder needed “quality time” with his Lizardman.

“Besides, I’m immortal.”

That sounds like the prequel to another poor decision tattooed on your back, Scully.

Mulder’s not soothed by this pronouncement (obviously), but realizes “If Guy’s story was true--” and runs off into the woods. Again.

And Scully asks the dog if he wants to go home with her.

And I question. Why a dog. Why that dog.

You miss dogs but you didn’t have a tie to any particular dog. And this dog bit you.

Because he’s Plot Relevant Dog. I see.

“Woah, I’m not a reptile! That’s racist!”

No it’s not you silly, silly reptile with utterly unexplainable human knowledge and reflection.

Also, another motif of Mulder just standing there watching another guy undress, casually.

An aspect of Darin’s writing I hadn’t considered: Mulder knows things Guy does is odd for a normal human, but also knows this is normal for Guy and just goes with it, for his sake.

Like a good psychologist. Like a decent human.

But also, he has his limits.

Also, get it, Mulder’s a man outside mankind, too, who just needs to find himself again. Geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit?

“I want to believe,” Mulder says.

Mulder just needed someone to say they’re glad to have met him, they’re glad to have him in their life.

So.

I guess Scully hasn’t said those words yet.

Guy shakes his hand.

Mulder watches, stunned, as Guy runs off to hibernate for 10,000 years-- another hallmark of Marin Dorgan’s writing. Ha ha ha, a knee slapper, that one.

“Likewise,” Mulder whispers, overcome and disbelieving and renewed all in one.

A nice little heartfelt, cheesy, sincere ending.

CONCLUSION

What did I just watch?

Thanks for reading~

Enjoy!

#txf #Mulder and Scully Meet the Weremonster #React #A Late-Canon Reviler Gives the Revival a Try #Revival Reviler's first-time watch through #mine #Part III #Mulder #Scully #Revival #xfiles #x-files #the x files #first-time watch through #and there we go #xf meta #S10

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oh-no-its-bird · 4 months ago

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Madara as Regina Mills and the Infinite Tsukuyomi as his curse, season 1 of Once Upon a Time style

Tobirama as Emma, coming in to break the curse, and Hashirama kind of filling the roll of Snow White, the brothers unable to recognize or remember each other but feeling each other's loss all the same (which in itself is kind of the greatest punishment for Izuna's death that Madara could give, save for actually killing one of them)

Maybe Kagami as Henry? Him somehow breaking through the curse and finding Tobirama and trying to bring him back to the little town of Konoha, knowing he's one of the only people who can get through to Madara. But also Tobirama doesnt remember anything anyways, so to him he's just humoring this kid

Ok actually scratch, rewind, lets take this from the top;

Ok so. Madara casts the Infinite Tsukuyomi, but instead of it being a dream it casts Konoha into the modern world, where everyone is given some role to fill in the little town of Konoha, and only Madara remembers how they all got there.

Madara sets some stuff up, like gives certain people certain roles and memories, and also bc something something magic something something the perfect dream, within the bounds of the town, Izuna + some other dead people exist. Madara isn't especially focused on the other dead, just Izuna, so he actually is partially unaware of the details of who else may have gotten revived (Itama is totally there somewhere, lost in the crowds)

Now, Madara did not truly design this town, nor the lives of the people in it. He could have, but he didn't bc he was a bit focused on just his own wants. So a lot of families got separated, things got mixed up, that sort of thing. Including the Senju brothers. Hashirama and Itama have no idea that they're siblings, and Tobirama is another ballpark all on his own.

You see, in a bit of a petty act and also a bit of paranoia bc 'something something best sensor in history' something something 'dont wanna take any chances' and also definitely a bit of last minute impulsive 'hey fuck you, I get my brother back but you dont, bitch' Madara pressed the "you are just a normal man who has no family" illusion onto Tobirama then kicked him out of town

With that said and done, Izuna by his side, Hashirama also positioned suitably close (maybe as an aid since he's Madara is the mayor?) Madara goes ahead and pats himself on the back and enters the Infinite Tsukuyomi himself, forgetting it all and able to truly live that happy, blissfully unaware life he had worked so hard for.

(Just ignore the burning fires in the background where Madara didn't think to double check if anyone else's roles lined up well with their original selves. Or the fact that Itama and some other dead people are totally wandering around in the bg, both them, their families, and even Madara none the wiser)

So anyways, just like in Once Upon a Time, time itself is pretty much frozen. No one ages, every day runs about the same, and honestly who knows how long this town has been here now-- because its residents sure as hell dont!

But then.

One day, somehow little Kagami somehow awakens the Mangekyō Sharingan, possibly through a pure chance fluke of the illusion wavering for unrelated reasons (bc it also supresses any chakra use) and Kagami's mangekyō's ability, whatever tf it is, allows him to break himself out of the genjutsu.

Making him now the only person in the town who's aware of the fact that they're all in some sort of illusion-- though the details escape him bc hes like. 13 and didn't know everything happening behind the scenes.

Oh also note, the ages and time frame of this is just all over the place and we will not think ab it too hard.

So Kagami ofc begins to investigate, he has very little idea of whats going on at all but he does quickly pick up on the fact that he can find just about anyone in Konoha here-- but not his sensei. And Sensei always knows what to do, so now he has a mission

Queue Kagami somehow tracking Tobirama down in the outside world, just like Henry did with Emma. Don't know the specifics of how tho!

So now cut to Tobirama:

First off, him as a parallel to Emma Swan is actually so good its kind of funny. I say he gets to keep being somehow able to 'know when someone is lying' (it's the traces of his obnoxiously powerful sensing abilities leaking even through the best of genjutsu)

He's some kind of private detective maybe? Idk but whatever he is, he's freelance and travels a lot

(Which helps keep attention from the fact that he, even removed from the town, does not seem to age-- something even he himself has not noticed)

So Tobirama is just living his kind of shitty, honestly a little depressing life. He has no attachments; He always feels like he's missing something or someone; He can never seem to connect with anyone, and people even seem to forget he exists when he's out of sight for too long (almost as if they're made to forget, as if he really was never meant to be here or be seen)

And then one day this tiny kid is banging on his door calling him Sensei and begging him in tears to come back to the village because everyones gone crazy and someones cast a genjutsu over EVERYONE and Izuna is somehow alive again and--

Woah woah slow down. First, who the fuck are you actually.

*insert stressed Kagami brain car crash noises here*

So yeah !! Tobirama doesn't know who tf this kid is, but he will drive him back to town and give his parents a good talking to.

Hikaku, Kagami's polite and stressed looking uncle, is very relieved to see him back home

Kagami is literally begging Tobirama to stay it's actually painful to watch and no one can understand why he's so fucking pressed about it. And for some reason, Tobirama decides to stay. But only for a little bit, you hear?

(It will not be for a little bit.)

And just like that, the clock tower begins to move, and time begins to pass once more. And both Kagami and Tobirama slowly piece together what exactly happened to get them here, and how the town might be broken out of it's enchantment

OK SO WITH THAT SET UP / PREMISE ON THE GROUND LETS TALK FUN DETAILS

So like. Tobirama and Hashirama having no idea they're brothers. Double to that, Itama is somewhere around! And no one fucking knows it!

Madara does not know what he's done, he is living his best life fr fr, but in contrast to how Hashirama and Tobirama seem to instantly click, Madara just kind of fucking hates this guy on sight for some reason. There's a lot of tension there and everyone in the office is making bets on if they're gonna kiss (Izuna has money riding on it)

So like Madara, Izuna, Hikaku and Hashirama running the mayors office n stuff, with Madara as the mayor

Tobirama eventually ends up as Sherrif just like Emma which is also irony bc smthn smthn Uchiha police force agenda or whatever. And then him and Madara regularly get into very public fights over clashing ideals

Im tied between saying that the timeline for this is like, just wishy washy "hey dont worry ab it" and tossing in Kakashi's generation + others for fun and to fill in spaces

Or saying that just like how the Infinite Tsukuyomi seemed to bring some people back to life within the boundaries of the town, there are some legit time bending aspects of it, and just like how we have people who are supposed to be dead, we also have people who just shouldn't be born yet. Fun stuff!

But like Kakashi Obito and Rin are totally around. Somwhere. Also Sakumo but Kakashi still believes his father is dead and Sakumo can no longer remember Kakashi exists (rip)

Itama is the towns one weed dealer and also a plant scientist bc I fucking refuse to give up on the stoner Itama agenda, that is my default Itama in every AU now. Oh also he's like an adult, and we're also sticking with the him and Tobirama being twins agenda

He and Tobirama meeting for the first time with sheriff Tobirama arresting him for selling weed pass would be the funniest thing

Touka is the deputy sheriff and she and Tobirama get along like a house on fire, and then bc convoluted reasons they somehow rope Itama into working w them for parole/community service or smthn. Dream team!!

But yeah thats it thats the post thanks for listening Im gonna go stare at a wall now

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narhinafan · 6 months ago

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Why I think Himawari inherited Kurama

So saw someone complaining about Kurama ending up inside Himawari and saying it retcons what we know about tailed beast. And wanted to share my theory for why I think this is wrong and explain why it happened.

First we are going to go all the way back to Kushina who before Naruto and Gaara is the youngest jinchuriki and one of the few truly confirmed case of one starting a family.

Its been established that Naruto ended up with his whiskermarks cause of being exposed to Kurama's chakra while in the womb altering his DNA. This altered DNA then got passed on to Boruto and Himawari hence why they also have whiskermarks. Going further Naruto's chakra had been mixing and syncing with Kurama's since before he was born. This means that his children not only inherited altered Kurama DNA, but also their chakra would be the closest it could possibly be to Kurama's as well. This get confirmed by Kurama stating Himawari's affinity towards his chakra is even higher then Naruto's.

This perfectly sets up why Kurama could revive inside Himawari cause there is still a strong presence/connection of his chakra in the world that would act as a foundation to gather his scattered chakra. Since her chakra is the largest presence of Kurama's left his chakra would naturally be drawn to it as he reforms.

The reason why this has never happened before is quite simple jinchuriki are usually chosen when they are adults and of them very few are women and other the Yagura and Mito no other jinchuriki is confirmed to have started a family and in both their cases they were adults before they became hosts to a tailed beast as well. So Kushina is the first female host of a tailed beast to become one during her childhood and to have made a family after becoming an adult. Leading to her child and grandchildren inheriting a great degree of Kurama's chakra and traits. No other tailed has had this before their is no one else with their chakra nor remaining link for them to use as a base to reform and even those that had children they would only have inherited a small portion of tailed beast chakra. Then you have the fact tailed beast rarely die and usually get resealed or transferred to another host so its usually only generations after when the tailed beasts chakra has watered down that they end up reforming.

Next the combination of Hyuga and Uzumaki bloodlines unifies both Hagoromo and Hamura's branches. This basically means NaruHina's children are as close to Otsutsuki and Kaguya as you can be naturally which adds to their already great affinity and capability with Kurama. Kaguya was the ten tails and original tailed beast hence genetically Boruto and Himawari are perfectly compatible with all tailed beasts due to that connection with the origin of the tailed beasts.

This could also explain why Kurama was able to revive inside Himawari directly and do so without a seal. We all know that Kaguya merged with the God tree to become the ten tails she didn't seal it inside her like what was done with the jinchuriki she and the ten tails were one in the same. So Himawari and Boruto likely inherited a similar constitution not needing a seal to host a tailed beast cause they can merge with it a similar way to how Kaguya did to make the ten tails in the first place.

Finally why Himawari and not Boruto and the answer is quite simple, Boruto is a complete Otsutsuki due to the fact Karma changed his DNA to that of Momoshiki's this means his chakra has likely been affected as well. So while the connection to Kaguya is still very much their Boruto is more Momoshiki then either Kurama and Kaguya it now pales in comparison to Himawari who remains unaltered and purest descendant/inheritor of both Kurama and Kaguya remaining in the world.

#pro naruhina #pro himawari uzumaki

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mayaketu · 4 months ago

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Could Edo Tensei be used in Boruto TBV?

So the anime and manga tend to plant hints that later get expanded on but with a twist! I saw posts theorizing if edo tensei might be used and had some theories of my own about it.

I feel that if they do use it, it would be on people who haven’t already been brought back. Or if a current character dies and they bring them back. It’s possible sasukes novel being turned into a manga & anime arc could hint at it being used in the future. 1, the entire arc depended on edo tensei reviving dead animals. & 2, bc the question Jiji asks; sasuke didn’t respond though Sakura did. The moment was very noticeably tense and lasted several pages, hinting at importance.

I don’t think characters that have already been revived should come back. & I doubt they would for the most part. Everyone revived got conclusions in shippudden. Bringing them back again is kinda overkill and cheapens the emotional value of them finding peace after death in shippudden. (At least imo)

Characters I would like to see return & why it could work:

Fugaku. Naruto got to meet up with his dead parents again so maybe sasuke can? Also we never saw Fugaku’s MS ability and kishi could write something for him that would make him crucial to the situation in boruto; Teach Sarada about her MS. As well as explain the massacre to Sarada & give closure & love to both her & sasuke.

Shisui. Shisui also feels like a good uchiha candidate for revival bc his eyes could be extremely helpful against omnipotence. Also, he could explain things to Sarada about the uchiha, politics & humanize itachi & her family. Bc overall I don’t think we need a literal rehash of all the ins and outs of the massacre, Sarada is not attached to the clan like sasuke was

I think Sarada needs the clan and her family humanized for her, more than she needs to know every detail of what happened the way sasuke did. So she can better understand her dad, her legacy & the politics of Konoha since she wants to be Hokage.

Kushina. Since Himawari hosts Kurama and has such special power/connection with him, I think a kushina reemergence would be perfect. She was never revived before & she could help hima adjust to hosting a tailed beast & hone her powers. Not to mention, her & hima share a special trait, they both had very standout chakra and more affinity to Kurama than most ppl. It would also be nice for revived Kushina to meet Naruto

Kushina would also be a good revival for Boruto. With Boruto being turned into full otutsuki & being called that by ppl + his life being stolen, it would be really powerful for Kushina to tell him what it means being an uzumaki and affirming him.

*the anime likes to sneak in hints at the future but with a twist. Hima was infatuated with Shukaku in the anime, and ppl assumed she could become his jinchuriki. But she wound up being Kuramas host instead. She also played Minato in the anime, & a classmate was Kushina.

Past 9 tailed jinchuriki. Hima is not a jinchuriki & has powers beyond one. She is akin to a tailed beast according to Jura. So I think the door is definitely open to her meeting at least one past jinchuriki of Kurama, kushina or otherwise. Either through their chakra remnants or edo tensei. They could help her master her power, adjust to ‘jinchuriki’ life, and possibly fight alongside her if revived.

**i think sasuke leaving Jiji’s question open ended could hint at someone he cares for possibly being revived. But it’s all hypothetical, don’t take it too serious I just enjoy theorizing!

#edo tensei #boruto #boruto TBV #kushina uzumaki #himawari uzumaki #fugaku uchiha #shisui uchiha #jinchuriki #mine #theory

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dranosh-haran-of-paleoworld · 20 days ago

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About your post, I always imagine that if Sasuke really liked someone outside any distinguished clan, his clan would only accept them (the very base line anyway) IF they're already resembling an Uchiha (which is typically dark haired and dark eyed, though I'm sure they're willing to make an exception depending on how much potential Sasuke's chosen has to add on to the Uchiha bloodlin) and does have genetic skills/techniques they could've passed down to any kid they might've.

Even better if they could add any improvement to the issues the Uchiha bloodline already has, namely something that could repair the blindness and lessen the stress the Sharingan was known to add to the user's eyes.

Sa///kura ain't that at all. All she got going for her was her chakra control, which was something anyone can master iirc, and that Tsunade accepted her because Sa//kura demanded her to (I think? Been a hot minute, sorry). In fact, she was also the only one that Tsunade didn't say would surpass her at all (that even stood out in my poor memory anyway, so feel free to correct me on anything I said here) when Jiraiya and Orochimaru both already stated their respective students already had early on. (If anything, Tsunade did seem a little...too impersonal with Sa//kura far more often while Jiraiya and Orochimaru were way more invested with Naruto and Sasuke.)

In fact, Sa///kura never even revived herself from being torn apart when Tsunade already had, from the top of my head?? And hell, if we're speaking medical skills, Kabuto would've surpassed Sa//kura EASILY. There are a bunch more reasons than what I've listed but it'd be too long (poor fighter against major enemies [relying on Chiyo against her one major 'solo' fight against Satori], poor battle logics, inability to let go of unhealthy attachments [Sasuke] for loyalty, etc.)

As you've said, Sa//kura was never raised in a clan and had NO manner or understanding on how to lead, much less care for, a major clan like the Uchiha. The clan politics are far more complicated than most people believed (it's literally nothing like directing a hospital, it's both more hand-on and personal than that). Sa//kura doesn't have any emotional capacity to head a family, especially with how bad her temper can get and Sarada's neglected upbringing in the favor of her career and Sasuke. Honestly, Mikoto and Fugaku might actually hate her guts over time with how rude Sa//kura can be, though they'd do a good job of masking their feelings.

Anyway, sorry for rambling, just wanna add on to your wonderful post with my thoughts. :)

There is no need to apologize for the rambling, anon. I do it all the time myself so no need to worry. I agree with what you're saying, but I will clarify and / or correct some things here.

Firstly, I don't think appearance would matter much to the Uchiha, and by that, I mean that Sasuke's future wife, if she came from outside of the clan, wouldn't have to resemble the Uchiha in appearance. She'd just have to come from a distinguished family or clan. Again, Karin and Ino, especially the former, are prime examples of this.

I do agree that Sasuke's future wife if she came from outside the clan would also have to contribute to the gene pool, although I don't see or understand what you mean by issues genetically speaking within the Uchiha, the base 3-Tomoe sharingan doesn't put any strain on the user if it's utilized by the Uchiha as it's meant to. As I said in my post, the Uchiha are the ONLY clan to have inherited the potent chakra and dojutsu of the Shinju through their progenitor Indra, and as such their bodies are the only ones fit and suitable to bring out its full potential. The Mangekyo Sharingan does put a strain on the user, hence why the Uchiha do eye

Sakura actually begged Tsunade to take her as an apprentice, literally being the only one to do so. Naruto was the first to be trained, and Jiraiya only trained him out of respect for Minato. Sasuke was actually sought out by Orochimaru, the best of the sanin, and as I was discussing with someone else for all his faults Orochimaru was only adult outside of the Uchiha in canon that gave a damn about Sasuke. Sakura is literally the only one who had to beg Tsunade to train her, and she only did that after Naruto and the others failed to bring Sasuke back.

It's worth noting that Tsunade outside of her healing doesn't have much going on for her. She's not genetically distinct, and as Madara and the databooks state, she inherited nothing from Hashirama and, like Sakura, has pitiful reserves of chakra. Tsunade herself is jaded following the deaths of her lover and brother.

In the medical nin department, Kabuto has surpassed Tsunade and Sakura. The guys' skills are unmatched. He invented his own version of mitochondrial regeneration on his own and nearly killed Naruto by severing his chakra network or something like that. His medical expertise is what kept the dying Kimimaro alive and Orochimaru's body from literally falling apart when his immortality jutsu ran its course. He invented all sorts of medicines and poisons for Orochimaru, took edo tensei to a whole new level greater than Orochimaru or Tobirama had accomplished. He also strengthened his body and life-force through genetic engineering to learn Dragon Sage Mode, and incorporated the bloodlines of several people and made their abilities his own.

I definitely agree with you there on Fugaku and Mikoto hating her but masking their feelings, lol. Honestly, I don't know how'd either of them react if Team 7 was created in the AU I presented, although I'm sure they'd be upset with all the stress and bullshit Sasuke would have to deal with in this scenario. Maybe Fugaku would step in and intervene since again in this AU I presented the Uchiha's power, representation, and influence in Konoha is as it should've been from the start. Neither he nor Mikoto is letting Sakura or Naruto near him. Hell, Fugaku would probably have Sasuke assigned to a different team, who knows, to be honest.

#pro fugaku uchiha #pro uchiha #pro uchiha clan #pro sasuke #pro sasuke uchiha #anti sasusaku #anti sakura haruno #anti tsunade #kabuto #orochimaru

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luchicm04 · 7 months ago

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Eyes have a language of their own

Masterlist

Summary: Not every story is what it seems. Not every villain is evil. Not every hero is kind. Sometimes two eyes aren’t enough to uncover the truth, but once in a while, a simple glimpse is all that’s needed.

Pairing: Senju Tobirama & Uchiha Hikari/Nanashi

Word count: 8.4k

Overall warnings: angst, canon-typical violence, implied character death⚠️

All Naruto characters belong to Kishimoto. Uchiha Nanashi appears on the game Naruto x Boruto: Ultimate Ninja Storm Connections

A/N: This is a remake of the very first fic I've ever made. Well, the first one I've ever written down that's not a drabble or an undefined idea. I changed the lore a bit to adapt it to the game, so I hope you enjoy it <3 Also, English is not my mother language so if I have many spelling mistakes, please let me know (gently please, I have a delicate self-esteem :'))

posted on ao3

Sasuke took a deep breath. After hearing about the creation of the Hidden Leaf by the First hokage himself, he began to think about his future actions. Despite his heart yelling at him to take revenge on the villagers and raze the village to the ground, his brain was starting to contemplate on waht he had just learned. Depending on what he chose to do, the future outcomes would alter his life drastically, along with the world.

He silently casted a hard gaze upon the four individuals in front of him. The previous leaders ��dead, now revived into decomposed bodies- of the place he once called home. The previous hokages. All of them irradiated power and respect. He remembered how frightened he felt moments ago when they resealed a fraction of their chakra. Clearly they were all full-fledged warriors who had grown in times of war and developed themselves into shinobi gods, although in his opinion only one of them had earned that title.

Senju Hashirama, a sunny personality that could rapidly turn into a monster. He had always invisioned him as a powerful leader and a firm person due to all the glory that was thrown at him. The truth was far from what he imagined, he discovered. A kind person with big dreams and a huge heart that always seeks salvation in everyone, even his worst enemies. He reminded him of a certain blond idiot he knew all to well, but he gave more respect to the First, as he was actually able to take a stand and do his duty of finishing of his friend.

Speaking of blond and sunny, his eyes travelled all the way to the last. His official godfather and appearently father of his idiotic 'friend'. Namikaze Minato, who was said to achieve many great things despite his short ruling period. Many information about him had been kept secret because of his son, but he had defeated the nine tails and killed thousands of hidden rock soldiers, which by any means were remarkable achievements.

Next to him stood the Third, Sarutobi Hiruzen, a person who had been kind to him his entire childhood, who looked after him and helped him when his clan had been murdered in one night. Only to discover that said man had ordered the attack and the assassin, his beloved big brother, had been used by the village leaders to take down a 'potential threat'. While he could agree that his clan was taking matters too far, he still couldn't forgive him for letting his kinsmen die instead of talking some sense into them and allowing Orochimaru and Danzo to live and continue their atrocious actions. Those two he had alrealdy retaliated againt, but what was done was done.

And lastly, he observed the blue-armoured man, his fury growing back. The culprit of everything. Everyone always put the blame on the obvious villains and praised the heroes, but that man didn't deserve the title of 'hero'. He didn't even deserve being called a 'man', in his opinion. According to the story they had just described, he had told on Hashirama when meeting with Madara, severing their friendship and a possible ceasefire. He had killed Izuna, nearly destroying any chances they had of finally ending the wars, making many more people die. Ignoring Hashirama's efforts, he continued to taunt him and discriminate his poeple, to the point where he had practically drove Madara to a desperate point. And then, when ending with his enemy wasn't enough, he made life a misery for all those born into the clan of 'hatred'.

This whole war againt the revived shinobi was his fault too, he reminded himself. The edo-tensei a powerful jutsu that should have never been created, was created by his hands. Many call Orochimaru a criminal for all his experiments, and Danzo a traitor for his recently discovered actions. No matter how right they are to do, he could not begin to imagine the heinous things Senju Tobirama had carried out in order for that cursed technique to be created.

All in all, he hated him. More that any other enemy he had come to face. He hated him. He let out a long sigh. This was the result of his actions. His hatred had never felt more justified than right now. His resolve was clear. He-

A cough caugth his attention suddenly. He look at Hashirama, who had a fist in front of his moth.

"Young uchiha," he started. "I know what you must have been thinking, but I still want to tell you that this isn't the way."

He stared at him for a moment with a raised eyebrow. He had already told them his reasons for what he was doing, of course he would say anything to save-

"I've seen the way you were looking at my brother before, young one. After what has been said here, I can understand where your feelings are coming from, but I believe you are partly mistaken in your resolution."

What? "What do you mean by that?" he asked gruffly.

"Show some respect, boy," came the sharp voice of the Second.

"It's alright Tobirama, this young uchiha has every right to be angry at all of us, doesn't he?" he said back with a small smile, to which his brother huffed and looked away. "Listen, Sasuke. I can feel your hatred and thirst of vengeance inside you. And also to who they are directed to. Given the events you have gone through you aren't to blame for them, but before you make a decission, I would like to correct your innaccurate perspective."

Sasuke stared at him now with both eyebrows raised. The rest of the hokages looked at him with curious expressions, even the Second mixed with his usual scowling face. He was surprised by his words. He already was acquainted with his kindness, but he had expected him to try and change his mind, not to agree with him and tell him his perspective was... innaccurate? What did that even mean?

"And what exactly did you mean by that, Lord First?" Orochimaru asked behind him, ever so curious and respectful towards them. It was kind of strange how he always expressed his repect to them, especially to the Second, like he had ever done anything to deserve it. Birds of a feather, he supposed. Juugo and Suigetsu stood next to him, the First with his guard up in case they attemped any other attack on Sasuke, the latter still shocked by their presence, as if they hadn't been standing there and talking to them some minutes ago.

"Well, while I don't agree with all my brothers actions, I am still his big brother and I must say that your vision is lacking of a certain detail that could change you entire view of him."

His words came out in a wise and gentle tone, funnily enough considering his recent change of moods. What he did not expect was for the Second to regard his brother with cold eyes, like he had a slight clue of what he was talking about. The other two stood in silence.

"And what slight detail might that be?" he inquired impatiently. This conversation was taking to long.

The First remained silent for a moment, looking unsure and a bit nervous before he schooled his features again and responded in a serious tone, if not trying to hide how his lips turned up in the slightest. "Does the name Nanashi say anything to you?"

The reactions came in the form of curious gazes sent his way. He tried to remember any uchiha with that name from the clan archieves but he coundn't remember anyone with that name. His thinking process was interrupted when killing intent began to emanate from the Second, who regarded his brother with a blank face and murderous eyes.

"Anija, what do you think you are doing?" His voice was straining with anger he was traying to contain. The First just looked at him from the corner of his eyes for a second and sent him a smile that looked sad. Then he looked back at Sasuke and his mouth dropped down a little. "No, of course you don't. I should have assumed she would have been kept secret from everyone."

"Nanashi? Who's that? Is there even a famous person named like that?" Suigetsu whispered to himself. Orochimaru also had an intriguing expression, so whoever that was, it didn't look like he knew of, which was weird considering his obsession for his clan. The Third and Fourth looked at each other with confussion, while the First and Second looked like they were having a silent conversation. For a moment no one said anything, until his patience finally snapped.

"Well? Care to enlighten us?" he growled. Hashirama sent a silent apology to his bother and finally he spoke. "She was an Uchiha from our time. A powerful child who suffered in the most horrendous ways until her time came." He closed his mouth and regained his thoughts ignoring the furious look of the man next to him. "She was born with amazing abilities, and people treated her in a cruel and unfair way... Tobirama was actually very close to her."

"Oh please Anija, I only met her twice in my life, and we weren't even that close", he said having calmed down a little. "If anything, that suffering you say she went under was her clan's fault. Just another reason as to why that cursed clan is better now that it's gone."

Sasuke ignored that last jab as he kept his eyes on Hashirama. Eventually, he continued. "Young man, do you know the main powers of the mangekyo sharingan?" Sasuke remained confused but decided to play along so that this whole thing could be over. "Susanoo, Tsukuyomi, Amaterasu, Kamui, Kotoamatsukami, Izanagi and Izanami. What does it matter?" The First didn't react despite his rude comeback. "And do you know who their greater users where?" "Hn, why do you want to know that? You already lived with one of them."

Still no reaction. "Well, to answer your question, Nanashi was the greatest user of genjutsu that has ever lived. Unfortunately, that was also the reason of her downfall. Her story was trully one of a kind, but Tobirama will tell you more."

He directed his look to the Second, who looked seconds away from strangling his borther. "And why, pray tell Anija, would I do-" "Because -he quickly responded without giving him time to continue with a hard look- this story may help him decide what he will do, and by extension dictate the fate of the world."

With a heavy sigh, the Second stood up straighter and sent a judmental look towards Sasuke. Finally, he gave in and spoke. "From what we were able to gather, Nanashi was born in the main Uchiha compound with her mangekyo sharingan already awakened," he declared, to which everyone in that room adquired a shocked look. He waited a few seconds to make sure all of them understood the implications before continuing. "Her mangekyo ability was the Inkizami no Tsukuyomi, and it was extremily powerful. However, as a baby, she coundn't control it properly, and it resulted in her parents accidently being driven to madness by their infant daughter just weeks after her birth. The clan head at that time, Uchiha Tajima, found out and decided to adopt her as her own and train her to user her eyes for the clan."

Sasuke stood still not sure of if what he was hearing was real. There was an eighth technique? It was hard to believe, there was nothing writen on the Uchiha scrolls about this. It sounded so impossible, so fantastical. Oh, but if it was true... He could already imagine the possibilities. A child born with a mangekyo so powerful that it could destroy minds with just a small look. That girl sounded like a huge asset but... The clan hadn't any reccord about her. Why was that?

As if reading his mind, the Second continued. "This wasn't registered anywhere because of the darkness of the whole thing. A little girl trained from the moment she began to breath into a killing machine, who only had to peek at anyone to kill them mentally, but deprived of any love or affection. They even used a sealed headband to make her a emotionless slave. She was basically their ace up their sleeve. Their secret soldier who was sent to carry out the darkest missions only to be kept prisoner in a sealed cave, never to see the light other than to end a life. We were only able to gather this much information by pure luck. It's possible that not even Madara knew of her existence, with her being so young at the time of her disappearance." He released a thick breath, as if his words pained him. "Appearently, her clan feared her because of her abilities, and Tajima mistreated her a lot too, but he gained her loyalty when he proved to her he was inmune to her powers".

"Yes," Hashirama added with a somber look. "I still remember that day. It was a long time ago, when Tobirama was a young boy and so was I. We were both in a surveillance mission with our father..."

──

He remembered that day well. All to well. He and Hashirama were barely adults, patrolling their clan's borders with their father when he had detected two strong chakra sources advancing towards them too quickly. Their father and current clan head, Senju Butsuma, stood with his guard up and ordered them to prepare.

Luck had not been on their side. Tobirama always preffered to battle at night, when he could make use of his superior sensing abilities, but at the time he was still perfecting them. Besides, even if he could sense them, the Uchihas had their damned sharingan, which allowed them to locate them in the dark. The fact that the sky was full with clouds that blocked the moonlight was of no help.

He informed of their current predicament and right after doing so, he looked up at the sky. Not a star could be seen. They would have to relly on his sensing to return home. If they managed to survive this fight. While he was still young, he had already become a powerful asset to his clan, and a well-known warrior, but he couldn't affort to be arrogant. Those people were the first to die. Although the Uchihas, famous for their cockiness, had managed to stay in their position for centuries. If it weren't for their sharingan, the war would have ended years ago. Those cursed, bloody, red ey- Wait. Red. That brilliance... Was that-

Before he could figure out what he thought he had seen up in the firmament, their father and current clan head, Senju Butsuma, stood with his guard up and ordered them to prepare, but they weren't ready for what they saw. Uchiha Tajima, current head of the uchihas, and in his arms was a child.

A little girl with obvious uchiha traits. Black hair, black eyes and pale skin. But when he took a closer look, he realised she didn't exactly look like the other uchihas. Her hair was spiky with a blue tint and reached past her shoulder blades, instead of the typical ash black hair that most Uchihas had. She had an orange headband that secured her hair, allowing a few locks to escape. What's more, she wasn't dressed in the normal uchiha tunics. She wore a black cropped turtleneck and matching capri leggings underneath a blue coat with darker outline, brown belt with silver buckle, dark brown, fingerless gloves, and black boots. No sign of the Uchiha fan in any of her garments.

But this was strange. Why was the Uchiha leader here with a child on his arms? Who even was she? By the looks his father was sending them, it didn't look like he knew her. Then again, she was calmly seated in the man's arms, without fidgeting, which was weird for a kid her age, almost disturbing considering she was in front of her clan's most wanted enemies. Why was she so quiet? Why were her eyes so open and her pupils so small? And was nobody going to ask why was she on a battlefield?! For Kami sake, she looked barely eight years old!

"Well, well, look what we found, my dear. A small party of Senjus patrolling near our lands," Tajima spoke loudly looking at them with a sick smile on his face that sent shivers down his spine. "The one in the middle is Butsuma, their leader. The small ones are his sons. Hashirama, the brunette is the heir, and the white-haired one is Tobirama, his second son," he introduced them with a mocking face to the girl, who took them all in with an emotionless face.

"What is the meaning of this, Tajima? We are inside our borders, what business do you have here?" his father questioned severely. Tajima marely shaked his head and stood there unalarmed. He glanced to his brother who looked on guard but also confused. "Oh, us? We are here to put a stop to all the killing and destruction the wars have been causing," he innocently declared.

That made a new wave of puzzlement hit the three of them, although he could feel Hashirama perking up at the mention of stopping the wars. "Oh?" his father started. "And how do you propose to do that?" he all but scoffed. The brothers too were curious where this was taking and remained in silence. When Tajima spoke again, seemingly contemplating something, they all had to blink twice. "With your death and your kin burned down to ashes, of course".

Before anyone could say anything, Butsuma let out a loud laugh. They too were shocked, if not nervous, as the uchiha leader was not someone who made empty promises. And lately the uchihas had gained a lot of power with unknown methods. Still, he couldn't help but wonder why had that girl come along with him. He got his answers back soon.

"Nanashi-chan, my dear daughter", the senjus turned their heads sharply towards the little girl -now named Nanashi, as in that fearsome assassin the rumors spoke about? And daugher of Tajima, what- who responded by looking at her father with wide eyes. "Why don't you give Butsuma a piece of your mind on the matter?"

Suddenly, the girl turned her neck so fast he thought she could have broken it. Then her eyes changed, from small black dots to red with black tomoes, to a pattern they had never witnessed before. Her eyes were completely red with her pupils remaining small black dots, and three traingle-like patterns evenly spaced around them, making them similar to a pinwheel. She stared at her father for a few seconds before the man began to take steps back and muttering nonsense with his eyes so wide they looked as if they would pop out of his sockets. He stumbled, like he was dizzy, and fell down grabbing his head and started yelling like a mad man. Genjutsu? He and Hashirama went to him and tried to shake him out of it, but nothing seemed to work, not even his brother's healing jutsu. He still could sense the girl's -Nanashi's- gaze on his father. Had she casted genjutsu on him? But she was just a toddler!

How could she-

Movement! Behind him! What-

Sword-

Blood-

Before he could look back, Tajima suddenly appeared behind his father and thrusted his sword on his heart. Time seemed to stop. Not a sound was heard as he stared at his father's chest, once rising and falling quickly due to his harsh breathing, now covered in red with a sword sticking from his left side which kept leaking more and more blood. He remained there, still not believing what he was seeing. His father, his clan head. Was dying. Bleeding to death. He still coundn't believe it and yet, he-

A sudden yell from his brother made him come back to reality a little. Hashirama was screaming and trying to use his healing jutsu to his maximum but it wasn't working. Tobirama was looking at him with dead-like eyes because he knew the truth, though he didn't want to admit it. It was still unbelievable to him. Hashirama didn't give up, still trying to save their father somehow despite the obvious result. He desperately took Tajima's sword, who had gone back to his daughter where he had left her unguarded, and continued to try and yell and scream at their father to wake up and open his eyes.

His hand came up without him really thinking about it and soon found his brothers shoulder, who stopped moving with tears flowing from his eyes. It was painfully clear. Their father was dead. He had died a long time ago with their mother and their little brothers. And now their leader was gone too. Had been from the moment the enemy's sword had even scrachted his back. There had never been even a slight chance of saving him. A painless death. He almost laughted at the irony.

Nevertheless, laugh was heard. A wicked, empty laugh. Without turning they knew who it belonged to. The enemy leader had just finished of his greatest foes and rivals. And when he turned around, he could confirm it indeed belonged to Uchiha Tajima, who held his child in his arms again. She just regarded him with a poker face, her eyes normal again, as if she hadn't just tortured a man to madness and helped in his demise.

Then the ground started shaking. Wha- His bother's wood style! Roots started to grow around him, the trees howled sounding like angry cries who shared their master's pain. This powerful chakra was the reason why his brother was named God of Shinobi at such a young age. Hashirama was-! "Do it again!" An angry voice with a hint of a tremor sounded strongly. The child once again activated her eyes and the roots, which had already began to crawl around the Uchihas, came to a stop. Tajima let out a small exhale of air, and the girl remained with the same expression despite almost dying crushed. He, however, regained his inner fear as he turned his head to his brother and found him with a horrified look on his face, his eyes unfocused and speaking in mumbles too, just like their father before he had-

NO!!

He quickly drew out his sword and stood protectly in front of Hashirama with his eyes closed. It was clear now the girl was producing the genjutsus. Surprisingly strong for a little girl, taht not even his brother had come out of them. He was a sensor, he could fight with his eyes closed. Yes, he reasoned with a shaky sigh,it was alright. As long as he remained calm and with his senses on high alert, there was nothing to fear.

"And then there was one," he heared the taunting voice of Tajima. "The clever ones are always the last to die. I see you figured out my girl's little trick. Amazing, isn't it? Just a glance your way and your mind will be turned to mush. As long as she looks at your brother, he will never get our of that state." He heard steps, indicating the Uchiha was approaching. He took a stand with his sword. He felt him stop a few steps from him, and the girl standing there from afar. "Do you know what the best part of this is? I'm the only one who is inmune to her powers. Which means that with her by my side, there is no one strong enough do defeat me," he chuckled. "It's over, little Senju. Soon, I will kill everyone you hold dear. Your cousins, your uncles... they will all suffer the same destiny you father and brother did. You. Have. Lost."

Blinded by fury, his body launched itself into a set of angry attacks and jutsus. Fighting with his eyes closed, despite his good sensing, was always harder, but this time his eyes weren't coordinating his moves. It was his heart, his furious, raging, rabid heart. His mind was still sending possible strategies he could use to defeat him, but his inner person didn't want that. He wanted that demon to die a slow, merciless death. To suffer and erase that sickening smile from his face. So he kept striking, using his claimed speed to try and land a deadly blow. All in all, he became blind not by his closed eye lids, but by uncontrollable rage, which was the reason he didn't see when Tajima managed to sneek on him and slice his back with his katana, that he dodged with difficulty, still receiving part of the blow but not so that it took his life as intended.

With his last ounce of strength, he took out a kunai that we always kept on his chestplate just in case, and threw it at him so fast that it managed to scratch his left arm, tearing his sleeve. He had tried to use what was rest of his force on that blow, but it had failed. Now he was powerless to stop him. He opened his eyes, defeated, knowing what was coming for him, already accepting his fate but...

What he saw wasn't what he expected to see, though he couldn't express it well because of his fatigue. Tajima had dropped his sword, and instead of looking at him to kill him, he was looking at the arm he had sliced. No, not his arm. His gaze was fixed into a small seal on his forearm. 督 (Toku). Then his eyes lost their initial glee and turned scared and frightened that he had trouble believing this was the same man who had just killed his father. Even more weird, his eyes trembled even more as he looked at the forgotten girl, who had stopped looking at Hashirama and was frowning at her father. More specifically, at the seal which he now realized had the same kanji engraved on her headband.

Hashirama finally stopped speaking and fainted on the floor, and he felt he soon would too from chakra depletion. He was releived his brother could rest, and scared for what possible side effects it might have on him, but he came back from his thoughts when Tajima began to take steps back as his daughter came forward.

"N- Nanashi, my daughter... This isn't w- what it looks like, I-!" "I'm not afraid of you," her calm voice broke through his words as she advanced with an angry expression, while he kept retreating back, sweat visible on his brow. "Wait, please-" "I know what it's like to frighten other people. That's why I'm not afraid of you. I'm the only one." He kept taking steps back as he stumbled on a root and fell against a tree. The girl reached him and raised her arm. He just closed his eyes and lifted his own in defense, as pathetic as that was. He knew he was done for. That child was more powerful that all those in that field combined. He forced his eyes to remain open as he awaited the end of this battle, and felt his body hair stand in anticipation.

"Don't do this." Tajima's voice came as a scared whisper, and he witnessed as his daughter put her raised hand on his father's sealed forearm and stroke it gently. "Do what?" she inquired in an almost sweet voice. The man remained in that position for a moment before letting out a shaky breath and opened his eyes releaved. "That's my Nanashi-chan. Everything is going to be- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!"

Tobirama, even in his weakened state couldn't help but jump back as the man began to scream for his life as if a thousand knifes were gutting his insides. He watched astonished as black fire appeared on the girl's hand, which seemed to have no effect on her, and it burned and melted the man's skin, severing the right arm of her father from his body. He couldn't even believe she had the strength to do it, let alone the guts, but she didn't seem to mind as blood came down in flods from his right side. She still had an angry look on her face when she made him look into her eyes and destroyed his mind until the screaming stopped eventually and he fell down to the floor, his eyes now vacant of life and drool coming down his open mouth. That horrendous moment was chosen by his body to finally snap and he too fell down on the ground, face down. The girl appearently took this a sign, as she retreated her arm and stared at his body, and began to walk towards nowhere in particular. He had been spared, he faintly realized. She was at the edge of the field when his raspy voice came out one final time. "Where... are you gonna... go?" The girl turned back to him and regarded him with the same expression he had seen on her face before the battle began. "Nowhere," her childish voice responded as she continued walking. The last thing he heard where the sound of her heels marching away when he closed his and succumed to his wounds.

──

"... and then we didn't see her for years. After that, I becabe clan head and married Mito, the village was created, Madara... left and the rest, you all know," he finished.

The Third and Fourth were astonished as they didn't know that part of history from their predecessors. Orochimaru was impressed too, mostly because of the scientific possibilities he guessed. Suigetsu stood there with his mouth open, even the all-time serious Juugo had a surprised face. Sasuke was still in shock after hearing such a story. It still didn't sound possible for him. A child with that kind of power. But he could feel that wasn't the end of it.

"What happened to her after you last saw her? Do you know?" the Fourth asked, surprisingly enough. Sasuke reminded himself again that he was Naruto's father, so he should assume that his idiotic forgiving nature had come from his genes.

Hashirama gave him what he could call an I-smile-because-I-don't-wanna-cry look and answered. "Well, I actually never saw her again," he said rubbing his neck with a sorry smile. "Tobirama was the last to see her after we faced down the Seven Deadly Tengan." After that sentence, they all stared at him with dumbfounded looks. "What? It's not like we made up the name, they were the ones who presented themselves like that!" he said indignant when everyone regarded him with the same expressions.

"They were a group of civilans and rogue ninjas who were turned into crimminals," the Second explained for everybody's sake. "After many years, a group a mercenaries came out of nowhere and started to cause trouble to the neighboring villages, and we were sent to defeat them. I, Anija, Touka, Mito, my squad, Sasuke and many more. All of them possessed the mangekyo sharingan and represented one of the eight unique abilitys. Susanoo, Amaterasu, Kamui, Kotoamatsukami, Izanagi, Izanami and herself." That really shocked Sasuke even more. After hearing about that mysterious Nanashi, there were more like her out there? "Despite their seemingly relation to Nanashi, they were far from related to each other. They weren't even true Uchihas."

"How's that?" Suigetsu asked. He inmediatly hid behind Orochimaru as the serious look on the Second turned to him. "Because," he First interjected heavily. "She was the one who created them. With her very own doujutsu, Yachihoko. Nevertheless, in spite of the fact that they could single-handedly defeat any of us, in the end it was the seven of them against the whole village. Eventually we took them down. Most of them, anyway."

──

Tobirama rested againt a tree as he regarded silently the enemies they had kept fighting against for a whole day at the ground of their newly built castle. The place looked as if had been taken out a fairy tail. Over a desserted wasteland , big and tall towers rose before them under a dark-clouded sky, and sorrounded by red trees with blue trunks. The most noticeable detail was the moon. It shone with a bright red color with a pattern resembling a mangekyo sharingan. Not Madara's or Izuna's, but a very familiar one nonetheless.

The Seven Deadly Tengan, as they had introduced themselves as. That name was definitely fitting. Yūbu had been an inpenetrable shield with a massive strength. Tsukai too was a source of destruction, with her unextinguishable black flames that could burn down anything. Luckily, those two relied on pure power rather than a strategy so they were the easiest to defeat. Idō and Musubi were a different story; one with intangibility and another with mind control skills respectively. With Idō, they had to decipher his technique and wait for the perfect moment to deliver the blows. Musubi had required lots of teamwork to overcome the mental control, and unfortunatelly the help of the uchihas to break it later.

Last but not least, the greatest of them all. Hiruko had the ability to regenerate from any wound, and even revive himself from the dead, which had come to intrigue him. Awashima could create powerful ilussions where she trapped you in a time loop, and made you lose sight of reality. They had been the hardest to take down. It painted him to admid it, that hundreds of shinobis had been needed to knock down that pair. As they discovered later, the answer was to make Hiruko lose his consciousness and as for Awashima, using the best genjutsu experts they had, they trapped her in her own ilussions. That's when Senju, previously Uzumaki, Mito came in.

Her help with seals had been expremely helpful during the fight, and also helping restraining them after being captured. "Aneue," he greeted her sister-in-law as she advanced towards him with his brother and Touka in tow. "Tobirama," she greeted back. "I need to ask you something. While we were fighting, I sensed a strong chakra signature radiating from the... Seven Deadly Tengan. –the name still sounded so silly, and yet they hadn't found anything more fitting- It was the same in all of them."

"Hmm. Now that you mention, I did feel something strange about them. And their behaviour was odd to say the least. It almost looked as if they were-" "Being controlled? I though so as well. What's more, judging from their title, it is obvious that one of them is still active and possibly hiding themselves. So I decided to step down for a moment during the battle to try and understand what it meant and I came to a conclussion". No surprises there, he mused. She had always been better at sensing than him because of her Uzumaki lineage. It also helped that she was capable of sensing emotions from others, something he had yet to discuss with her in order to comprehend it better. "It turns out that chakra was coming from inside the castle, which led me to believe whoever is inside is the last member that was controlling them the whole time."

That got them all thinking. Just who was so powerful as to control people as mighty as those six were. His inmediate thought was of someone from the uchiha clan, known for their visual prowers. Their enemies even had those cursed eyes, so it would make sense. But appart from Madara, now dead and buried, luckily for all of them, there were no reccords of any rogue uchiha.

"And... I think I know who it could be." Her voice made his attention turn to her one again. It seemed like she had a guess who could it be, though she looked uncomfortable for some reason. "You know I have memorized all the chakra signatures we all have faced down in time, and after comparing them, I believe the responsible for this was an enemy you faced down a long time ago." "So... Who is it?" Touka finally asked after a long, awkard silence. Mito took a deep breath and schooled herself. "Does the name Nanashi say anything to you?"

"What??" came his inmediate reply. His breath was caught in his throat. His memories came down crushing on him. Long forgotten memories that brought so much pain and still, he vividly remembered that little girl who had betrayed her father and ended his own life after taking his own father's and nearly his brother's. Nanashi. She had disappeard after their first encounter, she told him she was going... nowhere. At that time she didn't understand what she meant. An enigma he never had the chance of figuring out. And now it looks like she had taken out her anger on the world. But why? What did she want to achieve with this?

"Yes. The little girl you once told me about, who calls herself Nanashi. I had almost forgotten about her, despite the moon being an noticeable hint," she lamented, and no one there could argue with her really. The symbol engraved on the satellite was the same he had seen in her eyes all those years ago. How could they had missed such an obvious detail. "Alright, so what do we do about her? The last time we saw her, she helped us," Hashirama said, the ever forgiving soul. "Did you forget she helped in killing father and almost destroyed your mind too after that?" Tobirama reminded him harshly. "Well, we can't just do nothing. So maybe she 'helped' you a long time ago; she still can't go unpunished for all her crimes by using those six freaks over there," Touka pointed out.

Mito nodded her head. "I agree, we need to get to her and talk her out of whatever plans she has. Or else we will have to resort to violence," she declared firmly. Tobirama agreed too, and so did his brother, a bit unsure though. Then silence was implanted once again. In their heads, the issue was clear. They couldn't just go after her, of she could use them against each other. If anything, one of them shoud go inside. Alone. With a voice of steel, Tobirama voiced his opinion. "I'll do it. I'm the only one of us she has ever talked to. She might let me get close enough." His declaration brought him a series of frowns and clear denials on his realtives faces, but they still couldn't deny his logic. With only a few words shared between them, he was the one who she had most contact with. Still, nobody who erase the worry from their minds. It felt... nice, having people who worried about him. He wasn't the most animated person so he didn't have many friends outside his inner circle. As long as he had his familly by his side, his heart would beat with hidden affection. Not that he planned on telling them that.

"Before you go after Nanashi, you need to know what you're getting into," Mito's voice cut down the moment. They still had a strategy to plan out. One look at her guarded face spoke more than a thousand words. While she remained afraid for him, they couldn't just sacrifice the people's fates over his. They all understood that. "I've seen her powers before. She has the ability to give anyone she's in contact with hallucinations, as you can see," he explained, gazing at the fantasy-like background that surrounded them bathed under the red light.

"It's worse than you think. I checked her chakra line with my senses and her powers have evolved. She doesn't create hallucinations anymore, she telekinetically warps reality for as long as the moon's brightness can reach." "Please," huffed Touka nervously. "Are you trying to tell me all this is real?" He too wanted to believe that something that extraordinary wasn't real and that this was all a nightmare, but he had already faced down this situation long ago and learnt the hard reality. "Real, growing and permanent if we don't put a stop to it all. With my emotion senses I can safely predict that Nanashi is days, maybe only hours, from a massive chakra depletion. Her eyes must have been activated for a huge amount of time."

"Problem solved then?" Touka asked. "It isn't that simple. When she goes down, the energy backlash could kill everyone in range of her technique. That's a distance measured in thousands of miles," she said gravely while revealing something from her sleeve. A headband marked with a particular kanji. He remembered that symbol. It was writen on many of Mito's scrolls, which she had justified as them being part of an important project for the future she had been working on with the Sarutobi chief. 押 (Ō). Now that he knew what it did, he understood, what they wanted him to do. "Take her down before she takes everyone with her."

He didn't say anything as he turned towards the castle and started walking to its entrance, hidden behind a mantle of thorns. There was nothing to be said. He could feel their sadness irradiating in deep waves, but not out of fear for him. That had never been the problem. He knew, they all knew. "Do you understand what you're agreeing to?" he heard his brother's gentle voice, almost as if trying to persuade him from their already set objective. His only brother left, his Anija. The one who had always looked after him, protected him from any danger he had faced. It looked like time hadn't passed and they were still kids, when he had all but depended on his big brother to survive. "The only way to stop Nanashi for certain is to kill her."

He never gave back any form of response, not physically nor verbally. Instead he kept advancing to the principal door of the castle, the thorns drawing away from him with each step he took and closing back inmediatly after. When he pushed the doors open, the scenario inside the place looked even more unreal than the outside. A gorgeus garden welcomed him. Lush bushes filled with floers of all kinds and colors. Some even looked made up from a child's imagination. The ground was covered in grass, with stone tiles to walk over. There was even a sky up in the ceiling. What an intriguing jutsu. He could almost hear a soft tuned being played in the back, one that resembled those played at acts about mythical tales.

That wasn't the only sound that got his attention. When he turned back, his eyes finally met with her figure, lazily going back and forth on a swing. He couldn't help but take her new form in. Her hair had grown exponentially to her knees and had adquired way some spikes. The new hairstyle made him think she had chopped it in a messy way, possibly due to her lack of experience. Her old headband was gone, and so was her old attire. Now she wore black boots with short socks and a navy blue bodysuit resembling a nightgown, with wide sleeves and a turtle neck that didn't quite reach her knees, but remarked her age greatly, reafirming her gentle features. She had to be in the middle of her teenager stage, but she had defenitely grown into a fine woman.

Or at least, he suppossed so, because her dirty hair and the stains and cuts on her clothes only made her look like those orphaned children they had been receiving every so often in the village. That sight alone almost made him want to quit the mission. Almost.

The girl remained in place, swinging forwards and backwards like a toddler. An experience she never got to experience, he could assume. Finally after a moment, she acknowledged his presence. "Senju Tobirama," she saluted without moving her eyes from their position. Her pupils ever so small, she looked like she was looking at something only she could see. He wouldn't be surprised if that were the case. "Uchiha Hikari," he greeted back with no emotion in his voice. "I see you have made quite the research. Not even him ever called me by my birth name."

Research he did indeed. That was one of the few information he had been able to obtain at that time until he had forgotten about her. "Did you like playing with my Seven Deadly Tengan?" she asked. Like a little kid showing their work to his parents and waiting for approval. Despite her past, her infant soul had somehow remained hidden deep inside her, and began to show when she became free. Still... "I can't say that I did," he replied, the image of his comrades lying dead on a battlefield not so long ago.

"Yeah. They aren't any fun at all. I gave them their powers, and they still hardly ever play with me." A snort came out unintentionally. "Can't imagine why," he said trying to hide a little sarcasm in his voice. She didn't speak for a moment but when she did, he clenched his fists a little too tight. "When I was little, he used to make me play all kinds of games, but they weren't any fun either," she began, her voice angering slightly as clouds covered the inner sky. "They'd make me train until by bones cracked and mute my will with their sealed headband, and force me to strain my eyesight to improve it and find out how it worked. 'Nanashi, can you move that object with your mind?'" A nearby tree lifted itself from the ground and into the dark sky. "Yeah, I can move it." He continued to look at her in silence. She needed this, he knew. To get it all out. "They weren't really games, you know. They were training me. Turning me into a weapon 'for the clan', they said," she stopped swinging and gave a little kick to the earth below her. "They got their weapon; I got cheated out of my childhood. All to become another link in the world's worst chain."

That had been the reason for this whole thing. The justification of so many deaths and destruction. A childish revenge, some would call it. But Tobirama... he understood her. Possibly better than anyone he could think of. Hashirama fought to lead their people into a safe tomorrow. Sasuke sought to become a better leader for his clan, which depended on him. Mito had the responsability to represent both Konoha and Uzu, being the wife of the Shodaime. Touka was a war general. Being her parents' only heir, she had been forced on the battlefield since she was a child to defend their honor and her clan's. But him? He was the second heir of he Senju. The little brother of the God of Shinobi. The spare in case his elder brother died. No matter how powerful he became, he was basically just a plan b, a second alternative. If he were to die, the village would still have their leader and the clan would still have their chief. Nothing would change significantly. Sure, he would be missed and a big soldier would be lost, but sooner or later he would be replaced with a new warrior from a yonger generation. Like Kagami or Saru.

All in all, he finally understood. She didn't hate him. She didn't hate the Uchiha, nor the village. She probably didn't even have the ability to hate anybody, no matter how much she wanted to. She just despised the Ninja World. It made sense. All the things she had to go under, the major reason for her continuous suffering was because of the reality they lived in. With her inmense capacities, she could have created more slaves to bring all the villages down if she felt so moved; she could literally alter the whole world with a single glimpse, as he had just learnt. But even with all that, she hadn't.

He just stood there firmly, unsure at first. Finally, he wetted his lips a bit. "I know what that's like," he said, mirroring his own childhood memories. Depressing as they were, he still thought nothing could compare to her past and present suffering. "You do, don't you?" she asked gently, her gaze landing on him for the first time. Speaking of first times, she also gifted him with a smile that he swore carried out an aura of sadness. But that face, it was just looked so accepting, so- "You don't have to answer. I've read your mind. That's how I knew you weren't going to use Mito's headband on me."

He revealed the accesory from his pouch without hesitation and allowed it to fall from his fingertips, leaving it lying to the ground. "No, I wasn't," he affirmed. "You were going to try and talk me into fixing what I've changed... before I die." Her words came out more as a sentence. He schooled his features. "Yes." "I'm dying very soon," she said again, her eyes not giving anything away. He gathered every bit of strength he had. For both their sakes. "Yes," he let out in a steady voice. "I'm sorry." He clenched his jaw thighly.

Those words seemed to be a breaking point for her. They probably sounded foreign to her. The first person in her life to ever apologising for what she went under, even if he wasn't at fault directly. A small sniff was heard as her shoulders flinched a little, most likely trying to contain her emotions. Many had called him emotioness in his early teens, but this girl had had that lesson drilled into her hear from the moment she began to speak. Still, a sad look dawned on her face. When she lookd back at him, long tears were coming from her eyes.

"Would you stay with me? I'm scared," she whispered, almost whimpered. He walked towards the swing next to hers and sat down, holding his hands on his lap. She wiped away her tears with her wrist and both stood there in silence. Eventually, he raised his arm, offering one final form of support. She stared at his hand and raised hers too. And there they stood, gripping each others hand.

──

"-Later after that, the moon regained its color and the land adopted its natural look again... He sat with her until her time came."

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electrasev5nwrites · 1 year ago

Text

Ninja Daily: AIC 39

It was very quiet inside the shrine. She sat down at a long table in a stiff silence. The younger priest left through a door to the left and came back with a bleak-smelling tea balanced on a humble tray. She took a cup and wondered if shrines were on the list of things she was meant to be funding.

"You seem to have a particular connection to death," the senior priest said. There were stress lines pressed into his forehead that didn't ease up when he looked at her. "Seeing and interacting with the dead… You can do this?"

Aiko took a sip of her bitter tea and nodded. "Yes," she said. "A while after I began summoning the god of death."

The old man flinched. "Pardon?"

She repeated herself.

The priest closed his eyes. He seemed to be chewing that concept over. "Why would you summon the God of Death?" His voice was faint.

Aiko thought about it. "It's cool," she said honestly. "And it was a very effective psychological tool against Orochimaru."

"It's ...cool," he repeated, lost.

"I also use it to revive people who I killed by accident," Aiko added guiltily. She squirmed on her cushion. "A lot of people in Kirigakure, actually."

He made a sound of comprehension, as if something he'd heard years ago was finally resolved. "You are the Mizukage," he said. He looked at her again, cataloguing her face and clothes. "I see." He said that, but his brow furrowed even further in confusion. "How do you summon a God?"

She grimaced. "I…" Aiko tilted her head to the side, trying to find a way to describe it that didn't sound insane. "I use my eyes. I have a set of eyes which let me do a lot of things, actually. I can use every chakra type that I know about and some really weird things that don't truly make sense, like summoning unaffiliated animals."

"And also a literal God?" His question came out bemused. "Why that God- as opposed to any other God, I mean. Did you worship the God of Death?"

She thought about it. "I kill a lot of people," Aiko said fairly. "Could that be connected?"

The elderly priest looked up through the open door to the garden behind her. "No," he said. "I do not think so." He tapped his fingers against his tea cup. "It seems that you have somehow affiliated yourself with a God."

"Like you?" Aiko asked. She gestured at the shrine around them. "You worship Izanami no Mikoto, right?"

He eyed her sideways. "This is a shrine to Amaterasu. There are no shrines for Izanami no Mikoto in operation these days."

Aiko felt herself frowning. "Isn't she the god who made everything?" she ventured. "My religious education was spotty, but I thought that was her."

"Izanami no Mikoto and Izanagi no Mikoto created the world and most of the beings in it," the junior priest agreed. "Izanagi no Mikoto sleeps, but he is worshipped. However, Izanami no Mikoto passed into the land of the dead in the early days of the world."

Aiko made a sound of polite comprehension.

'That seems like a raw deal. She's dead but not in the way we think of it, right? She's still a God.'

"I have to conduct diplomatic business inside of a shrine." Aiko laid her cards out on the table. "I am...concerned about complications stemming from my… association with the God of Death and my lack of general knowledge about religion."

"I don't think that you should have particular trouble." The younger priest was the one who answered yet again, while the old man looked out into the garden. "It is ..extremely unusual that you might have such a connection to a God. However, there are no wicked Gods. They are merely different."

"So no one has any kind of grudge against the God of Death?"

The priest opened his mouth and then closed it.

"We are not spokespeople for the Gods," the head priest said, dryly amused. "No one hears the voice of the Gods and transcribes their interpersonal grievances."

Aiko blinked. She eyed the two men uncertainly. "I hear his voice…" She trailed off.

They were looking at her incredulously.

"He doesn't like Orochimaru," she added helplessly. She shrugged and then frowned as she remembered. "He didn't like Orochimaru, rather," Aiko corrected herself. "He's dead now. Anyway, I think that Death doesn't like anyone who cheats Death… I wonder if he has feelings about Hidan," she mused.

"I think that we ought to start from the beginning," the priest said. He gestured to his subordinate. "While I take care of our duties, please speak with the Mizukage about the Gods and the earth."

…

Aiko left the shrine feeling unsettled. There wasn't any known precedent for what was going on with her. Chewing over the upcoming meeting had mostly led her to more questions.

Thankfully, however, some of the questions had been productive.

She breezed into her office and sent off an officer worker for information about their contacts in foreign countries. Kirigakure had nothing like Konoha's sophisticated spy network, but they were not totally hopeless. When she had the information in hand she chewed it over for a few hours and then wrote up 3 missions. She passed them off to the assignment desk, so that the next qualified personnel to show up for missions would get shuttled off to ask questions.

If Konoha wasn't talking out of their ass, they would have had to have already consulted with at least two other foreign nations. Otherwise, they would have no standing to threaten that there could be serious diplomatic repercussions for annexing Wave. Aiko put her feet up on her desk and stared at the ceiling, considering different angles. Who would the Sandaime go to? She didn't know him the way she knew Tsunade.

'He could even make it into an opportunity to improve his international standing,' Aiko realized. She twisted her lips into a scowl. 'I annex one little country and suddenly I am the villain.'

'I think that Kirigakure has long been considered the villain,' Sanbi pointed out. 'No one likes us.'

She paused for a moment, touched that Sanbi considered them in the same category.

'I misspoke,' he deadpanned. 'The important concept is that it is easy to dislike you.' He paused for a beat. 'Of course, I mean Kirigakure.'

She pouted, but accepted his point. They were an easy scapegoat.

'I am not a goat,' Sanbi snapped.

"It's just a saying." She sighed heavily and rolled her eyes.

Suna was the obvious answer. Konoha would turn to their longest ally for support in this. Kiri also had a decent hand in relations with Sunagakure for the time, given that she had custody of Gaara, but they would be wary about the possibility that she was a warmonger.

She considered it for a while. Would the Hokage have turned to the smaller villages for this?

She decided that yes, probably, he had. Konoha had solid relationships with a fair few of the less powerful countries, and it would have legitimized his claims of international consensus. She noted it and tabled it for later thought. Any one of the minor countries wasn't a huge issue. As a group it could become a problem, but some kind of holistic solution could address multiple problems in one stroke.

That left Iwa and Lightning. Would either of have possibly agreed to cooperate with Konoha to censure her?

She twisted her lips, not liking the conclusion she came to. She didn't have to worry about Iwa. Iwa hated Konoha far more than they cared about Kiri, and they were too far away to do more than laugh about chaos on the eastern side of the continent. Lightning, on the other hand, was fairly close.

Lightning wasn't as insular as Iwa. Lightning had always been involved in the affairs of other countries.

Aiko sighed and put her chin on her palm.

Lightning was probably willing to sign a notice advising Kiri to cease expansionist policies or face military consequences. They probably wouldn't initiate it on their own— sabotage would be much more their speed— but they would probably lend their weight to Konoha's protests.

The obvious solution, of course, was to get Lightning so pissed off at Konoha that any cooperation would go straight out the window. Aiko frowned at her window, turning over the possibilities. Konoha wouldn't do anything to endanger a deal they wanted to propose, so she'd have to frame them. Frame... impersonate?

She chewed it over along with a pastry and coffee. She knew Konoha and she knew their codes, she knew their paperwork specifications and communication habits. She could falsify incriminating documents. It would be convincing. It would require her to think up terrible things for Konoha to supposedly be doing, things that would leave a paper trail... and then she'd need a way for them to fall into Lightning's hands that wouldn't look obviously contrived.

It was a tall order.

And then she had an idea.

"Oh," Aiko marveled, "that would be bad."

Sanbi stirred, a silent question.

"I could just impersonate Konoha ninja," Aiko said. She leaned back in her chair. "I know a lot of them and their habits well, and I know distinctive Konoha techniques and jutsu. If I wander around where Konoha shouldn't be, start a distinctive fight, and escape, I can let Lightning come up with their own guesses as to what Konoha was doing."

Sanbi let out a laugh. "That is terrible," he said approvingly. "Who could you impersonate convincingly?"

She hummed, considering it. "It's only worth considering jounin, I think," she mused. "People who would be recognized. Kakashi for sure. Sen Tsurara is going to look exactly like his signature murder technique, as like as I siphon up the water afterward. Kurenai... I can do genjutsu on that level and I know her habits. Genma... he's a basic bitch and I'm mad at him, so I've gotta frame him for something... oh, Yamato." She giggled. "The world doesn't know about him, but if they see Mokuton, everyone will look at Konoha."

"That is a fairly conclusive list," Sanbi said. "However, it would constitute two teams at best. If you wish to spread havoc, perhaps more fake missions would be preferable. How about the turtle man?"

Aiko opened her mouth and then closed it. "No," she demurred. "I'm not going to mess with Gai. But.." she thought about her creepy, creepy eyes. "I have a perfectly good Sharingan. I could make it look like there's an extant Uchiha running around. And..." she trailed off and leaned back in her seat.

The Byakugan and Sharingan were supposedly related. Her Rinnegan allowed her to use any type of chakra, so they were clearly flexible... Given that her Rinnegan came with a Sharingan, was there a chance of using a Byakugan or something similar to imitate a genetic Hyuuga?

"Do I get a vote?" Sanbi asked, interested. "There's someone in Konoha that I hate."

She blinked, distracted. "You do?" She shrugged. "Yeah, sure. Who is it?"

"The frog man," Sanbi hissed.

"Frog... Toads?" Aiko checked. "Do you mean Jiraiya?"

The answer was a blank silence.

"The man with messy white hair who dances when he introduces himself?" She corrected.

"Yes, that's the one," Sanbi confirmed. "He has an extremely displeasing aura and crass mannerisms. We should punish him."

"You know what, that's fair," Aiko agreed. "He's my godfather."

"He is my enemy for life," Sanbi said. "And I will live forever, so good luck to the frog man."

"...did something specific prompt this?" Aiko asked.

"I find the way he giggles extremely distasteful," Sanbi said darkly. "He is a rude little man who puts his dirty feet on furniture. He must be made to face consequences."

...she had forgotten about that.

"Okay," Aiko hummed. She thought about how to do it. The toads were the most distinctive and damning identifier for Jiraiya. Sealing was fairly distinctive as well, but harder to have a reason to show off. "I don't have access to his summons contract, but I have his speeches and some of the dances memorized. I can just go be a loud idiot in front of a beautiful woman and it'll get back to Lightning somehow."

"He is a national disgrace," Sanbi murmured.

"No, he's an international disgrace," Aiko corrected. "He makes us all look bad, in one way or another."

...she had a sudden recollection. "I left him with Tsunade before I went off to fight Orochimaru last week," Aiko remembered. "They probably think I'm dead, huh?"

"All the more reason he will not understand it is you who has imitated his shameful mannerisms." Sanbi let out a pleased hiss, curling his tails in.

That wasn't what she meant, but it was probably true to some extent.

"I should go check on that." She made a mental note. Given that she had kind of exploded information all over Tsunade, she was pretty optimistic that there was a non-zero chance the princess was going to storm home and throw Danzo off a tower.

With that decided, she sent off a note requisitioning any authentic weaponry and armor confiscated from fire country in the last few years. When it was laid out on her desk, she picked through it for the bits that were authentic and fit at least one of her characters. There weren't any senbon in the pile, but Genma wasn't likely to let one of those drop for an enemy to find anyway. She could use any generic one, she decided.

Because she hated his stupid ass, Aiko decided to impersonate him first. She split off into a clone, which she disguised as Kurenai. She made her true body into an imitation of the assassin, and pushed past her cringe to hold a needle in her teeth.

"Interesting," said her secretary, who was still standing there. "Are you going out on errands?"

"Yes," Aiko agreed. "You can expect me back in a couple of hours. I'm going to go ruin someone's life."

Nishikawa grimaced just a bit. " Have a safe trip." He bowed.

"It will be safe for me," Aiko said absentmindedly, as she was immortal so far as she could tell. There was no response from Nishikawa because she was already on the outskirts of a border town in Frost Country. She shivered and threw up a genjutsu hood. It didn't help her with the cold, but it made it look like she was trying. The Kurenai clone to her left did the same, tucking pale hands inside a fluffy white coat.

'Can't stay here long, it's awful,' she thought. 'If I ever annex this country, I am going to light it on fire.' Aiko resisted the urge to let her shoulders hunch up, because it definitely didn't look like Genma's body language. She and her clone walked into town as if they belonged. They went to a hotel and got a room on a reasonable budget. They went to a ludicrously expensive bar where Aiko proceeded to rack up the kind of bill that would turn heads, paid, and then walked out leaving most of the food on the table.

That did the trick. She felt two notable chakra signatures approaching before a voice called out to her.

"Excuse me."

She turned to see not two but three people in the grey and purple of Shimogakure. When her eyebrows went up, it was a legitimate surprise at that show of competency. "Saa," she stalled, using her tongue to move the stupid senbon to the side of her mouth. She caught one of the shinobi follow the motion with his dark, suspicious eyes.

The one addressing her gave no reaction. "Sorry to trouble you," He said pleasantly. "Can I see your visa, please?" A passing civilian looked over with wide eyes and seemed to consider stopping to watch the interaction. A stern look from one of the Shimogakure patrol team had him moving on with the rest of the midday foot traffic.

She cocked her head to the side and deliberately did not make eye contact with her Kurenai clone. "Visa?" She repeated, as if she was unfamiliar with the concept.

"Yes, your papers and the designation given when you entered the border," he said.

She let her eyes slide shut in a smile. "Of course, of course." And then she flicked on the Rinnegan and thought about a flowering tree. In her mind's eye, she coaxed it gently out of the ground. Dark brown vines delicately wound up around three sets of legs and grew to the size of modest branches that hugged all the way up to her victims' chests. Someone gasped.

Aiko made a shhh sound, and had the branches blossom. The fragrance of ume blossoms spilled into the air with a soporific effect.

She opened her eyes just a little and stepped back, admiring her work.

Kurenai would have been proud of this illusion. Two of the three shinobi were limp, hanging up only because they believed that the trees were supporting them. The last was blinking furiously as he tried to stay awake. Aiko propped a hand up under her chin and waited a moment until the last chuunin was overwhelmed. His eyes slid shut and his head hung peacefully. It looked a bit like he had fallen asleep standing up.

They were in a little private oasis on the busy road. Pedestrians gave her a wide berth without knowing that they were doing it or that there was anything to avoid.

She lazily reached out to touch her Kurenai clone and brought them both to the opposite end of the country.

Frost Country was small enough that it was entirely plausible that jounin could cross it in a matter of hours. So she dismissed the clone, threw on a genuinely good henge, had dinner, and then put back on Genma's face to make an appearance in a bank teller line. She had picked the building at random, and it turned out to be far above the real Genma's budget. She took a deep breath of mercifully warm and fresh-tasting air while she waited in line. Her footsteps made a pleasing sound against the marble flooring by the door and then disappeared into luxurious, thick carpeting that she kind of wanted for her office. The counter was immaculate green marble. A black pen was attached to a white fitting on the counter via a silver chain. She pursed her lips. She wanted that too, just for the hell of it.

"You want to open an account?" The middle aged woman confirmed, checking a box. She had a black uniform and a green scarf neatly tied around her neck.

While the teller was looking down, Aiko took the chance to swiftly break the chain connecting the pen to the counter. "No, no," she demurred, "I want to ask about the process for opening an account."

The teller paused. "It is quite simple," she offered. "It usually takes about 15 minutes."

"What paperwork do I need?" She asked, not glancing up at the security camera. Casually, she put the bank pen into her back pocket, dangling chain and all.

"You're eligible if you have an address within the country. You'll need to show proof of residence. As for ID, either a copy of your family register or a government issued form will work." The teller recited it with a practiced cadence and a friendly smile.

Aiko smiled back, and then remembered that she was probably being a bit friendly for Genma. "Thank you for the information. I don't have my ID on me at the moment, so another time."

"Have a nice day, thank you for your patronage." The teller quietly scribbled something out on her notepad and gave a polite little bow goodbye. Aiko heard the sound of paper tearing as she turned and left the bank. She slipped into an alley as soon as she could leave the main road.

'I wonder if they'll bill Konoha for the pen. It looks expensive.' She rubbed her icy fingers at the back of her neck, frowning at the grey sky. 'Is this enough? An intrusion has definitely been reported by now. If they are competent, they'll have found me here. But if they're not, I'll have wasted my time. Should I put in another appearance? Stand on a tower and wave my arms a bit?'

It would be better to be thorough. But after a few hours in character, Aiko couldn't really ignore the fact that she was not doing a stellar impersonation of Genma. Her body language probably came off noticeably odd in a big man's body. The longer she imitated him, the more likely it was that discrepancies would pile up.

She shifted into Kurenai, opting for a red dress that looked more civilian 'date night' and less weird than the jounin's habitual bandage dress. She left the alley onto a street that was well-lit with very expensive-looking neon and ran a hand casually through her long, soft hair. This body was a lot more fun to wear.

For a moment, she thought that she had already been found. She caught people looking at her in her peripheral multiple times when she walked down the block.

'Oh, wait,' she realized. 'Kurenai is just really hot. This is so disappointing. Why don't they know that I'm a dangerous criminal interloper?' She glowered at the next person who looked at her too long. The middle aged man smiled back.

'Fuck, I don't have all night for this. What to do... Steal something? Break and enter? Get too close to somebody politically important?'

"Miss," a man's voice called out as she passed a bar. A few other men broke out in "ooohs". "Hey, miss, over here."

Aiko turned to face the speaker, lifting an eyebrow.

A group of young men were smoking against a wall. The one who had called out to her had a cocky expression and the optimistic start of what would hopefully become a beard one day.

She flattened her expression and tone to be utterly unfriendly. "What do you want?"

Mr. Whiskers showed he had very little sense of self preservation by kicking off the wall and taking a few steps toward her. "Come have a drink?" His peers made a truly obnoxious chorus of sound in either encouragement or mockery.

Aiko eyed the cigarette in his left hand and the beer can in his right hand. That was just sloppy behavior.

'Why get so close to a stranger when your hands are full?' she wondered. Instead of answering him, she reached out and took his wallet out of his pants pocket and immediately began walking away. Blithely, she flipped it open and removed all the cash. She heard a yelp behind her and a momentary scuffle as he probably tried to get someone to take his beer can. She shut the wallet and tucked the cash into her bra. "Hey, bitch! Hey!" He was closer now.

Aiko tossed the wallet to the side in a nice clean arc that even a drunk man couldn't miss. She heard him go after it.

"That'll get reported," she said to herself. She made a sharp turn into a side street and then scaled the wall. Someone caught the motion and looked up, but she was already halfway across the building by that point. She dropped down onto another street and walked into a building. It turned out to be a restaurant. No one was at the host stand to say anything when she walked directly into the restroom, shut the door, and used hiraishin to go back to her office.

After a few seconds, there was a knock on her door. Aiko looked up from where she was re-homing her new and expensive pen in a prideful place at the exact center of her desk. "Yes?" she called.

Nishikawa's voice answered. "Did you have a good trip, Mizukage-sama?"

"I robbed a teenager," she yelled back. She dug the money out of her bra and counted it for the first time. "He had… Wow, this is more than I expected. Come here, I've replenished the office coffee fund."

#vapors #uzumaki aiko #electrasev5n #ninja daily #fanfiction #naruto fanfiction #clarity #AIC #Aiko in Canon

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digeethegenie · 2 months ago

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An Ambition Reborn

Day 13 - Butte ARR - Lv. 50 MNK - Five Easy Pieces Spoilers for ARR Lv. 34 - All Good Things. CW - Spouse Abuse, Alchol Abuse

Widargelt Beake meditated on the top of the hill that overlooked the ruins of Sothern Thanalin. To anyone looking at him he was the picture of monk like stoicism. It was only the slightest of movements he made in his breathing that confirmed he was still with the living.

Inside however, he was a whirlwind of conflict. He was a man defeated, and he deserved it. There was no excuse for what he did. He attacked Yujo, someone who had trusted him as a communial brother, to kill her and awaken the final chakra gate.

To her, he was a confidant away from her duties with the Scions and the Immortal Flames, the sholder she cried on after the waking sands masacare, and the person she trained with daily for over six months with in the martial artes of Rhalgar The Destroyer.

He had thrown all that away, and… for what?

Glory? Pride? Power? Vengence?

All worthless in the clarity of the after.

And yet, when it was all said and done, she had not admonished him, shouted him down, nor punch him- not that someone else didn't do that for her imediately after. She simply offered her hand, her tiny hand, to help him back up.

He had been defeated, compeltly and utterly.

"I figgured this would be where I could find you."

His eyes opened. He didn't need to see to know who had come to meet him in such a place.

"Erik…"

The professor looked over him with the same look of disapointment that followed the anger in his punch after his assult on Yujo. For a man of such… academic… stature, he absolutly towered over the monk.

"Come to mock me and call me a buffon? I ceratinly deserve it after what I did."

Erik closed his eyes and took a breath. "No. Nothing of the sort."

He sat down next to the monk and looked out into the horizon.

There was a long and uneasy silence between the two men before Erik spoke up. "I, along with my wife, were one of the first people to flee when King Theodoric was slain. I knew the moment he was dead that Van Baelsar would tear the resistance apart and spread his banner."

He looked up at the early evening sky.

"When I got the missive from the resistance that my son had died, I lost myself to the bottle. I said and did things to my wife that would disgust the man that I have become. I fully expect- if she dains to even care- that she will spit on my grave. It would not be undeserved."

Widargelt listened, surprised that Erik was being as forthright as he was.

"I reached the lowest I would ever get to, and I needed to make a choice. I was going to become a new man and I needed to choose. Huddled in the corner of Little Ala Mhigo and at the bottom of the last bottle of cheap wine, I needed to chose there and then if I was going to get up and become the person I knew I could be and find a proper porpose for my life or spend the rest of my life destroying myself with drink."

"I…see", Widargelt said before adding "but I don't understand what that-"

Erik jabed him in the sholder and gave the monk a smile. "What I am saying, you buffoon, is that it is not over. You draw a line, learn the lessons you need to learn, and then you move foreward."

Instinctively rubbing his sholder, Widargelt thought about that. His mind had been so clouded with thoughts of reclaiming Ala Mhigo's atonomy that he could never see the "what then" afterwards.

Now, that dream- a nightmare, by admission- no longer viable, he had no ambition to call his own.

Only his fists.

It was that stray thought that inspired him.

He stood up, taking Erik by surprise.

"I will do it. I will take that step foreard."

Erik's eyebrow shifted, "That was swift. What are you planing to do, exactly?"

He gave Erik a smile. "Revive the First of Rhalgar."

The sound of confusion out of Erik made it clear he didn't follow.

"Long has Ala Mhigo's history been of that of fighting each other, and to no great end. The Fist of Rhalgar is all but gone, taught to only a few people after the purge. I say it's time I become a teacher, and taught the artes to the people of Eoreza. To fight together and stand, instead of dying alone."

A scoffing laugh came out of the professor as he stood up. "Well said. And with that." he pulled a coin-sack out of his pocket.

"What's this?" Widargelt asked.

"Your pay for serves rended- such as they were- let it never be said I don't pay up when my debts are due. And also- and I do sincerly mean this, Widargelt, good luck."

Erik held his hand out to his fellow man who looked at it, smiled and shook it back.

This would be the start of the next chapter of Widargelt Beake's story. One that would see him reuinited with his fellow sister of The Destroyer's Fist. But that is another story for another time, when he, and his students, looked heavensward.

#ffxivwrite2024 #Widargelt #ffxiv monk #ffxiv Erik #Sundered Soul Saga : FFXIV

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pinkmoondoll9shihtzu · 2 months ago

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Dreams are Not Normal rn

i feel crazy!

first one i was in a parking lot and noticed an old RV from the 90s with a charmander carved into the window & painted over in a childlike way. i peered through and saw two old ppl sitting inside. The husband asked if i needed a ride home i said yes. They drove me to their house instead of mine then apologized. their house was that early 2000s "venetian revival" olive garden style. the man was very old-looking like late 80s but he talked really fast like a young guy. he was a doctor. his wife also talked fast and kept asking if i needed anything. they didnt tell me but somehow i knew they were both geminis?

i encountered their daughter in the kitchen who was fumbling her hands nervously she looked to be about 25 she started talking at me "I dont know what to do with my life i dont know what to do. Im a sagittarius with gemini rising i cant stop talking and writing but it fucks things up for me i need to stop writing but what else am i gonna do". i wanted to tell her the astrology stuff is all irrelevent just do what you want but i said nothing because she was so deep in her spiral it seemed impenetrable and pointless.

Oh yeah also at the beginning of (my memory of) that dream in the parking lot my friend was helping me write a resume until at one point he just stood up and walked away. And i was like dang he's so cool he never says goodbye or explains why he's leaving he just does it, i explain myself too much, i want to be more like him.

Then the second dream i had was 😭 idek. i was in a weird town with my childhood friends mom who was going to be my lawyer. We had lunch and discussed a bunch of legal stuff then went to our hotel where there was one bed so once we were trying to fall asleep it was like damn ok well... Guess we fucking! (My dreams are driving me insane lately becuase at least once a night it gets so sexual for no identifiable reason) ...... So we were getting into it and i noticed she had a tattoo of the third eye chakra right above her bellybutton. Anyways. Eventually my FRIEND walked in on us and it was mortifying i didnt even know she was staying in the hotel. So we all sat and talked for a while and i ended up becoming the mediator between her & her mom arguing. They were smoking weed and i declined because i quit.

i just feel so weird man my dreams have been different like the setting is unfamiliar the lighting is ominous the scenarios are hard for me to grasp the meaning of i miss my beautiful dreamworld that i'm accustomed to.. its all for a reason i guess i just wake up every day lately being like uhhh should i even write this down

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autopotion · 10 months ago

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Recruiting the Hat Man

In this challenge playthrough of FFT, I was determined to recruit the thief in the Dorter Trade City battle--you know, the guy who throws his hat on the ground. I knew his unique menu portrait would change to the generic one as soon as I did, but I didn't care. He's one of the few enemy generics to express any personality, so he's the perfect prize for a playthrough like this one. Additionally, he's demonstratively afraid of Gafgarion (and might or might not have had some sort of tryst with him, according to the most venerable of Tactics scholars), so the idea of coaxing him into my party, with Gafgarion still in it, tickled me. I had to get him.

First of all, Agrias and Gafgarion are guests for this fight. I didn't unequip them or change their classes because I figured they would come in handy taking out the rest of the enemy units (they did!), but they presented a very unique challenge to my truly deranged endeavors to keep the hat man alive.

Second of all, the RNG gods decided the hat man's name is Heinline. That is a terrible name. I almost reset the battle upon seeing it. But I decided against it (mostly due to impatience). This is the hand that fate dealt me. I would have Heinline or I would not have the hat man at all.

The following sequence had Zoe and I howling in laughter for like twenty minutes.

My mediator, Tia, got to go fairly early in the order after Ramza Yelled at her. I boldly attempt to Invite the thief on her first turn. First recruitment attempt didn't work, and as a result of this configuration my mediator got killed by two archers and a wizard. My time mage fell shortly after.

Agrias came in clutch with a phoenix down, which was a nice surprise. I moved my mediator behind one of the houses and let her relax for a bit.

Once Tia was in better health, I tried one more time to invite the thief. That failed. Gafgarion killed him.

"Okay," I said to Zoe, starting to feel a tad frustrated. "I'm about to do something hilarious." I whittled down the rest of the enemies and waited for Gafgarion and Agrias to move closer to the archers, the only remaining units.

My mediator used a phoenix down and brought the enemy thief back to life.

Gafgarion killed him instantly.

Alright, poorly timed resurrection. I waited a bit longer and brought thief back to life a second time. He retreated to a corner after stabbing Tia (that's gratitude for ya). My mediator followed him, to no avail. Gafgarion killed him again.

Not to be deterred, I revived the thief once more. This battle had dragged on far longer than it needed to, but I was determined. (Shortly after this, Agrias killed the last archer.)

This time I captured him in an alley squished behind the tall houses. After another failed invite, he tried to steal the heart of my mediator, which similarly failed. (Dare I say… kismeses?)

Unfortunately, because I didn't see him there, Gafgarion was also trapped in the alley. This was very bad for me, because if he killed the thief, the battle was over, and the hat man would slip from my grasp forever. Fortunately, instead of slaughtering the thief again, he decided to waste one of his turns casting Protect (???) on my clustered troops when the thief was standing literally right next to him. Pinned between him and Ramza, in fact.

My only goal now was to get the thief on my side before my overpowered guests killed him again. Every time his health dipped I had Ramza heal him. The rest of the battle wound up being a cycle of Tia using Invite -> Silky casting Haste (which often got everyone BUT my mediator) -> Ramza Yelling at Tia -> Tia using Invite -> Gafgarion and/or Agrias getting in a sword skill on the thief -> The thief stabbing someone -> My wizard skipping his turn -> Ramza using Chakra on the thief -> Tia using Invite.

One of Agrias's strategically timed Stasis Swords Stopped the guy, which was an unexpected boon. So he just had to stand there in petrified silence as he had the life drained from him and then restored every couple of turns while my mediator seduced him over Ramza's head.

After TWELVE tries, long after my mages were out of MP and had little to do but jog in place, the thief finally surrendered and allowed himself to be press-ganged into joining our merry band of mercenaries. Join Up! :)

Sorry Agrias. I was a little busy psychologically torturing an irrelevant ruffian. But it was, like, really important.

#fft blogging

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oh-no-its-bird · 5 months ago

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Sat down and was like "What's the dumbest, most out of pocket crossover I can think of with Naruto." Then remembered that one guy who just went "Madoka magica" under my TMA crossover post and started giggling

So yeah, @thr33dogsinatrenchcoat this one goes out to you, I hope ur happy

So my first thought was just Homura in Naruto, but then my brain said no. Kyubey in Naruto. And then I really lost it

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I present to you,

✨️ magical girl Kakashi ✨️

Major Spoilers for Madoka Magica below the cut

(Funilly enough, this has been in my drafts for a while now, well before I started getting really into my magical girl izuna AU)

A quick explanation for those of you here for Kakashi content who have no clue what Madoka Magica is;

Kyubey is a pink immortal rat thing from space who offers specifically pre-teen girls contracts to become magical girls. The girl will be granted a wish as their payment for the contract, then have to fight monsters known as Witches.

How big the wish that they can have granted (wishing for a cake vs wishing to revive the dead for example) depends on their potential as a magical girl. The girls magical girl theme and power will revolve around whatever wish they made— ask for someone to be healed and you may be able to heal faster, ask for happiness and maybe you get to be an empath, etc. As long as you can somehow connect the power to their wish, anything is fair game.

It's later revealed that a) the "soul gem" every magical girl is given when they become a magical girl is literally their soul in physical form. Kyubey just straight up removed their soul from their body and put it in a ROCK. Yes this does mean you can torture a magical girl via her soul gem, and yes if the soul gem gets too far from the girl she will collapse like a puppet who's strings were cut.

And b) witches are actually magical girls who fall victim to negative emotions and have their soul gems consumed by darkness either because they were swallowed by grief or from using too much magic without being able to clean their soul gem (which they can only do by killing witches)

Kyubey does all this because magical girls specifically within the age range of a middle schooler, give off a specific kind of energy when they transform into the witches that Kyubey's race farms for reasons I don't really remember anymore but I'm pretty sure has to do with it being mandatory for their race to live? Dunno it's been years since I watched madoka

Ok context over now for the fun part:

Something about the way humans are made in this world means Kyubey is not restricted to prepubescent girls in offering contracts. It's probably related to their chakra coils or something; Which also translates interestingly into how your amount of chakra and your chakra control affects your power as a magical girl.

Both of which Kakashi has in the bag.

I've read a few different takes about how Kakashi's chakra reserves are actually really big, he's just always running dangerously low bc of the constant drain of the sharingan. (I think this was actually confirmed in one of the novels? Which is neat) And since the overall 'potential' of his maximum chakra reserves is what wins out when it comes to the magical girl contract, he's our ideal customer.

Now, for this set up we aren't going to be using the "Kyubey and the magical girl system have just been around for a long while" but instead we're going with the "kyubey is new to this world and, seeing all of this potential energy, is looking to take a few of these bad boys on a test drive to see how well they work."

(Though there's a very interesting fic there with the angle of kyubey as maybe the equivalent of a 10th secret biiju, maybe locked away somewhere, and maybe released by forming a contract with someone— His junchuriki perhaps?)

This brings up an interesting question! A world where theyre havent been any magical girls yet made means that its a world without witches. And in a world without witches, what is Kyubey's explanation for why he needs magical girls when asked?

In the show we are shown that if pressed and asked the right questions, Kyubey will often tell the truth of the matter — that eventually a magical girl will self destruct and Kyubey farms the energy they release when they turn into a witch.

I can't see any shinobi worth their salt just accepting a suspicious contract for even more suspicious power from an impossibly MORE suspicious little magic rat thing. Kakashi especially. Questions WILL be asked and I do think it wouldn't actually be that hard to get Kyubey to give up the truth. Honestly, knowing the things personality and how it likes to take the logical approach, he might see that just telling the truth may actually help convince some people.

Because yeah, horrible fate aside, it's a lot easier to buy into promises of power when you know exactly what the catch will eventually be, and when it'll probably start kicking in.

There's a lot of people in Naruto who would can and have traded a LOT more than just their soul for power and a free wish. I can see people taking Kyubeys deal as is, Kakashi included under the right circumstances.

And besides that, there are plenty of times when the situation is last minute and intense to have the time to ask questions. Kyubey appearing in some life or death battle offering a miracle would probably be able to get a "fuck it what's the worst that can happen" from pretty much anyone

Anyways there are a few different paths we can take with the how's and why's Kakashi becomes a magical girl, and it largley depends on when exactly Kyubey approaches him about it.

1; Minato Route

Wishes for Minato and everyone to please just stay safe during "Madara's" attack, saving them and trading his soul for it in the process. He has no regrets tho, he refuses to.

This path I think would be fun if Kyubey shows up for the first time super last minute and Kakashi is pressed into a rushed contract and rushed wish. But I can also see if maybe he'd been approached by Kyubey beforehand, it's just that he was trying to sort out whether he trusted the rat enough to make a deal and sort out the exact wording of his wish. But oops no more time for that Kyubey please just keep his family safe!

It'd be fun if that was his exact wording actually. "I wish to keep my family safe"

Maybe it'd mean that even in the future, if he finds someone he considers to be his family, the wish will grow and apply to them? And then ""safe"" is such an abstract concept, especially to shinobi. What does it mean to be safe? Maybe it can end up backfiring in some way eventually, idk

2; Obito Route

^ Like he considers obito family, so maybe Obito is out there reaping the benefits of this wish as he tears shit up bc Kakashi never considered his wish could protect someone who might wish him harm.

This'd also mean Minato and Kushina are around!!! That'd impact a fuck ton of stuff for sure. I feel like without them dissapearing as his final push off the edge, Kakashi for sure wouldn't be the same guy we see in canon. He at least has some form of safety net to catch him, even if he's deep in depression and might not realize that net is there.

After either Kanabi bridge or Rin's death, Kakashi is approached by Kyubey, reads the terms and conditions of the contract, and then wishes for Obito and or Rin to come back to life. This, specifically with Obito, I see going one of two ways;

Kyubey, a bastard, who somehow magically knows Obito is alive: "Are you sure this is what you want to use your wish for?"

Kakashi: "fuck you yes I am"

Kyubey: "I mean if you say so lmao" (Less work for me)

Or,

Kyubey, somehow magically knowing Obito is alive and not wanting to have Kakashi waste this wish because say what you will, he's fair about this shit (to a degree anyways): "Unfortunatley I can't revive people who never died!"

Kakashi: "What."

*queue Kakashi going on a mission to find Obito and becoming a sparkly magical girl along the way wooo we love to see it*

3; The great dilemma, aka TIME TRAVEL !!!!!!!!!!!!

He failed Itachi, leading to the deaths of the entire Uchiha clan.

I'm so sorry you guys time travel is like 90% of what I do and I don't think it's gonna change any time soon

So, Kakashi is approached by Kyubey after the Uchiha massacre. At this point he has a whole fucking list of people he might want to try to revive or save, but he can only make a wish so big. He has enough power to wish one or two people back from the dead— an honestly incredibly feat in itself —but not everyone.

He failed his team, leading to their deaths and Naruto's sad orphan life.

He failed countless mission partners over the years, watching shinobi's fall dead left and right because of a wrong call or knife thrown a second too late

Now for his relationship with Kyubey—

He can't wish them all back. But he can wish for a second chance.

And yeah ok as I'm writing this I'm realizing we've turned right back around and started a fr Madoka magica AU I didn't mean to do that actually, oops.

But yeah time travel magical girl Kakashi !!! Given the time to really think about his wish and too many people to save, he wishes for a second chance.

Does he end up in his kid body or does he stay an 18 year old?

Is he alone or does Kyubey (having learned his mistake from Homura and Madoka) make sure to come along with?

Does his sharingan somehow pull Obito back with him or is he really alone?

Fuck ok actually as I write this one I think this might be The One, The AU, so we're gonna shelve this for another post on its own so we can keep just talking ab the set up.

So disclaimer, I haven't actually watched Madoka in forever, but I think it's safe to say that Kyubey is honestly pretty decent when it comes to guiding his magical girls? I mean, up until they fall off a cliff of despair and turn into monsters, but till then he holds up his end of the contract really well? He'll generally come when they call, answer their questions when asked, check in on them to make sure they're adapting to the lifestyle, sometimes even help keep them informed about local magical girls or witches or just give out free advice.

Don't get me wrong, Kyubey is a fucking rat and not to be trusted, he tricks little girls into literally selling their souls, but he has a clear work ethic and method. He's just also incapable of feeling human emotion and seems genuinely confused at why people would be alarmed or upset at, you know, everything.

But I think that's what would make him work so well in a shinobi world! Especially if he looks at the world and it's people and decides that upfront honesty would be the best play in recruiting someone as his magical girl test drive.

I think it could be interesting if Kakashi and Kyubey could have an actually somewhat positive relationship. Well, as positive as it can get for a traumatized ninja boy and a space rat with no real concept of human emotions outside of what it's read in a textbook about manipulating little girls.

They have an alarmingly functional workplace relationship. Kakashi signed a contract knowing what kind of death it'd probably lead him to (and it's not like it's that different from the end he already knows he'll face one day) and Kyubey is contractually bound to stick around and lend a helping hand and a bit of companionship when applicable.

Also, with Kakashi being his first magical girl test run in this world, he's just kind of monitoring the project? He wants to see it to the end before he gets started on widespread magical girl contracts, because again, logical emotionless little rat thing who knows better than to assume that since it's gone well so far it'll end well too. He wants to collect ALL the data before settling in for good.

Kyubey is giving Kakashi weirdly reaffirming (and much needed) positive reinforcement in all of this. He's impressed with how well the project is going! Kakashi is going through so much constant misery that despite somehow not turning into a witch out of despair, he's still giving a near constant output of that same energy Kyubey farms that usually only comes out when a magical girl witches out. Maybe that's also actually something related to the chakra coils— instead of giving one big explosion of energy when they turn into a witch, the people of this world are able to give a continuous stream of it just by existing and being miserable. Which also gives Kyubey even more of a reason to want to see Kakashi keep living! This guy is a one man army when it comes to energy! It's great!

Also it'd be kind of fucked up but in a funny way if Kyubey straight up told Kakashi this (Maybe Kakashi actually asks to be kept up to date on all of Kyubey's little project notes of studying him?) And it being somewhat of a comfort to him. Like. Yeah, he's a failure cursed to always have those he loves die in his arms or at his hands, but at least his suffering is helping the universe in some way! That's something, right? Right???

Anyways, power and appearence time

So like, obviously there's a VERY large chance that Kakashi would end up with some sort of healing power as a magical girl. Because yknow, there is basically no universe where Kakashi doesn't use his wish to either heal someone, protect someone, or bring someone back from the dead— which lines up pretty directly to a healing based power.

But just normal healing is too boring so lets get spicy with it! Let's lay out some power options!

1) Blood healing

So my favorite twist on a normal healing power is a simple one; He regenerates stupid fast, to the point that he can even reattach limbs, but it's all in his blood. As long as his blood is touching a wound, it's healed in seconds to minutes.

This is also means his blood can also be used to heal others! For good or for bad. Fights can get a lot more complicated when your enemy realizes that they can use your own healing methods on them— even if the blood does only work on what it can touch, so they gotta risk shoving that shit in there if the wound is too deep.

If you want an extra bit of spice on top of that also, you can say the blood doesn't just heal people. Maybe it can heal any living thing— plants included

(I'm ngl I typed all this out then kind of squinted at my screen and went wait isn't this what Karin does? I don't actually know the details of her powers no one tell me if I'm right, I don't actually care)

2) Wound substitution

Here's an incredibly in character ability; He can take on the wounds of his comrades. They get hurt but he takes the hit. It'd so fit his self sacrificing ass too.

Maybe he can have advanced healing from the wounds he steals from his companions, maybe he only inherits them by halves, maybe it's the full deal.

Maybe it's involuntary or maybe he can only do it on purpose. Involuntary could be interesting and offer serious consequences down the line.

I'd love to see a dog themed magical girl Kakashi I think it would cure all of my mental illnesses and give me like 30 more.

3) Sheilds but make them zappy

Thunder shields could be interesting. Maybe he can use the shields to encase his limbs to deliver an extra oomf or smthn, just for funzies.

4) Something to do with eyes

You know I gotta at least consider smthn with eyes, like cmon. Whether it's because his wish was phrased in a way that could catch on it, or it's just how the magic interacted with his sharingan, I wanna see some eye stuff!!!

Maybe whatever healing ability he has is all centered in the eye or smthn, or maybe if it's like a self healing ability he regenerates eyes first or smthn idk.

4) Time powers ✨️

You know I had to.

In the route where he wishes for a second chance he so gets time powers. It's very cool. It's also very very fucking OP so it'd be tricky to work around in giving him a fr obstacle. Maybe if Obito comes back with him, the sharingan somehow makes him immune? Like, whenever Kakashi stops time, Obito isn't stopped.

I'm ngl Im running low on power ideas rn so let's move on, but like leave that open ended

Would Kakashi's magical girl outfit be something that adapts to his style and is created by his subconscious desires, as I'm pretty sure is accurate according to Madoka Magica lore? Yes. But do I think it would be funny to put him in a fluffy magical girl skirt? Even bigger yes, put that man in a dress and heels immediatley.

For Kakashi's soul gem, I think it'd be really fun if instead of taking the form of a ring, it was instead either an earring or— hear me out guys, lip ring or tongue piercing

It's perfect! He already hides his face, no one would even know it was there! Also both lip rings and tongue piercings are so cute

His soul gem is red with a silver case and we all know why. When he transforms it doesn't glow red tho, it glows white because something something hatake white chakra or something, idk

Anyways this has been sitting in my drafts for like 2 weeks now, so I'm gonna go ahead and hit post even tho I'm not totally satisfied with what I have here. Better to put it out for the few who'd enjoy it than keep it in the trunk bc I'm unsatisfied, right? Maybe I'll come back to it later, idk.

#i LOVE just going “whats a stupid crossover idea and how can I take it way too seriously”#its so much fun #birds fic talk #naruto #madoka magica #kakashi #hatake kakashi #kakashi hatake #magical girl #magical girl kakashi #magical girl Kakashi AU #hatake #obito uchiha #uchiha obito #kyubey #madoka #magical girl au #obito

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