#rest easy you are not alone
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comment on a drugs dot com community post about side effects of missing a dose of duloxetine
#adding searchable tags feels inauthentic somehow but i hope this reaches its target audience#friends who love to romanticize mundane human kindness please come sit with me#rest easy you are not alone#joy to the world
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bro why does drawing kissing gotta be so difficult;;; 🥵
but anyways! warmup wip that ended up getting wayyyyyy out of control—but it's not like that's anything new when it comes to these two...... 😏🤭🥰
#still trying to remembrr how to draw so ofc brain says Draw Kiss!!!¡!!#bc that's just the kind of easy warmup you want to knock the drawing rust off with right? x'3c#huskerdust#angelhusk#hazbin hotel#my art#...me cackling alone with my salad re: what the rest of this wip is gonna turn into lmaooooo
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Listen I love "I am no man" as much as the next lady who was once a barefoot girl who ran around with a sword. But it irks me Every Time that she sneaks off to battle because Theoden and Eomer a) genuinely want to keep her from experiencing this Horror and b) maam you are third in line to the throne imagine if all three of you died. Do you have no love of country and land???
#listen even the state of the union requires one guy to go hang out alone in a bunker#eowyn was the last line of defense!!#and also. she hasnt HAD to fight in war before! its BAD! Eomer obviously hates it!#im an older sister. if i had experienced the horrors and knew what i was going into. i would not have my brother go as well#i would not wish it on him#iirc its less girlbossy in the book. but in the movie i just want to smack her upside the head#girl they dont want you to fight bc you are GOOD at what you do and they need someone they love and trust to make it thru#and if they both die they will be able to rest easy knowing the land they died for was in capable and loved hands#keep in mind as well that tolkien WAS in war.#rip to her but if i was the kings neice id take the responsibility that was falling upon my shoulders and know that i wasnt trained#and KEEP THE PEOPLE!!!! Maam who do you think is gping to lead your people?????#lotr#nia post#and yeah i love her role in the battle#but her lack of responsibility to her people and her position always bugs me
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Atla live action 😐
#thats my honest reaction 😐#to be fair ive only seen 20 minutes of the s1 finale bc my parents are watching it but. mmmmm kinda mid#like. the casting is definitely an improvement since the last time they tried a live action but it feels like the writing falls flat#or maybe im being harsh bc ive only heard negative criticism on it beforehand. but fr anytime u bring up the original its already#good and not just because its the original. so much fucking detail went into it to the point of someone noticing azula wielding mai's knive#to how well thought out irohs character is used as a way of uniting the cast especially as zukos foil#i heard that sokkas sexism was toned down and i have to agree that feels like a cheap move. like i get WHY they think it would be better#but its not about how that reflects on real world its about how it affects the story. sokka starts out as a misogynistic asshole because#it makes it that much more impactful when he changes. toning that down makes it flatter and makes his character development weak#and someone pointed out they didnt even make him wear the kyoshi warrior uniform and i know it feels like such a small detail but#come on man. they did that in the original because not only does it help him really walk in their shoes - wearing 'feminine' clothing and#makeup and having suki explain its significance but it also ties in with the shows theme of harmony and intersectionality#i was also disappointed when they had the fire sages explain how the water tribe draws power from the moon because in the original it was#IROH who explained it to aang and everyone else BECAUSE we as the audience is under the impression hes with the 'bad guys'#and it builds up to how he learned from the other nations which reconciles his past as a war general and his character overall#AND its an excellent starting point for the cast and audience to understand how the nations arent as closed off as you would think#plus you would think its only fire nation doing propaganda but they expanded on that with earth kingdom censorship and it WORKS#a lot of things in the live action also feel arbitrary like. they gave momo a near death experience for 5 minutes for no reason#im firmly on the stance of bringing back filler moments instead of putting major events right after each other so that u give your#audience a sense of time passing and to really absorb the story. but i think thats more like shock value than filler and yeah its a small#thing to gripe about but those things build up and its really annoying. the thing abt avatar filler moments is that however small#its at least meaningful. hell even the beach episode emphasizes how isolated zuko and his friends are as child soldiers#i also swore to never watch the first live action since it was that bad but i really liked the stylized tattoos they used for aang#anyway. those arejust my thoughts. im not gonna watch the rest because im a ride or die for the original aftr growing up and#rewatching it at least 20 times as a kid. but theres definitely room for improvement and i wish ppl wouldnt take it as 'better' just cuz#netflix is adapting it. i wouldve killed for them to just reanimate the entire avatar series and touch NOTHING ELSE no redub#no changes to the story. just reanimate the thing and leave the rest alone and youd make easy money just the same#ALSO its very jarring not hearing jack desena and dante basco voicing sokka and zuko cause their voices were the most recognizable to me#i get that its because its live action but im allowed to feel a little sad abt that. and uncle irohs accent was really soothing#yapping
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post depressive episode clarity like what the fuck do you mean they'll never disappear, just fade.
#mine#tw: sh#i'll be a 30yo woman a 40yo woman a 50yo woman a 60yo woman and someday an old woman with SCARS ON MY ENTIRE LEGS?? like forever????#and i KNOW i broke through enough skin layers for these to never heal entirely like catscratches do#forever? for real? like the rest of my days? i'm never gonna have a healthy clean body like everyone else ever again?#it's THAT easy to just throw it away forever in a second?#i'm gonna be sick#what the fuck man#like both shoulders both thighs both calves entirely ruined#what the actual. fuck.#FUCK.#the awful part of the last year is over thank god#it was an episode lasting from like idk january until#august maybe#i think i'm finally feeling better#but i was really looking into legal psychiatric euthanasia there. drafting my fucking mail to the Dying With Dignity type companies#cause i went to a shrink who told me that i have bpd and while i didn't believe him#fact of the matter is that in some eu countries you're allowed to get euthanized for that. so .#but that doesn't matter i'm a bit better now i'm not thinking about it as much anymore#but it sickens me that#not only do i have to fucking take it alone#but i also have to deal with a lifetime of ridicule disgust “turn off” and pity afterwards#my own best friend told me to make sure to cover up when we slept at a relative's#and i felt it was ridiculous that anyone could even judge me negatively based on the scars when it's me who had to deal with this shit#not them!! and clearly it wasn't fucking easy!!! like if anyone it's not you who's getting hurt from this!!!!!!#i asked her whether she would ever be thrown off by seeing healed scars#and in the coldest tone she replied 'No but I would not know how to explain that to my kids.'#the relatives did not. in fact. have kids.
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Miss you forever 💔
#depression#mental health#mental illness#mental heath awareness#chester bennington#linkin park#music is therapy#i miss you#rest easy#youre not alone
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tiredly and sadly googling "how to make writing feel good again"
#I genuinely think my life is too busy right now and that I like... intentionally need to slow it down#which I rankle at because 1. I like keeping myself busy and 2. it's easy to keep busy when you have to run your whole life by yourself#but also I think I need to spent less time being busy and more time being a little bored and more time being intentionally slow so I can...#sit and marinate with creative stuff a bit longer#I hope that me leaving behind the job application/interview/etc. grind means a bit more mental space#but... I also have to onboard onto a new job lol#I think I need one week of being alone in a remote area and then two weeks with a computer and an internet connection only strong enough fo#connecting to google docs lol#man. man. I need to recapture the spark. I know it's there. I have Ideas and Things I wish to write. I just need to... slow the rest of my#life down a bit. easier said than done though
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shoutout to brian may for constantly coming through with all the Inexpressibly Fucking Melancholy songs we could ever need. long away '39 all dead all dead some day one day leaving home ain't easy... hell even his demos. listen to you know you belong to me and water and tell me you don't feel like ben affleck on bench with cigarette dot png. every band needs one member who is just so sad All the time and Will make it the entire discography's problem and i am so serious
#queen band#sure freddie roger and john have their share of dramatic sad songs too#but brian's oeuvres just really hit the existentially terrified child inside me#the one who's constantly sitting on a beach at night looking up at the stars. good shit#take heart my friend we love you though it seems like you're alone a million lights above you smile down upon your home.#in the year of 39 came a ship in from the blue the volunteers came home that day#and they bring good news of a world so newly born though their hearts so heavily weigh.#don't you hear my call though you're many years away don't you hear me calling you.#all dead all dead but i should not grieve in time it comes to everyone#all dead all dead but in hope i breathe of course i don't believe you're dead and gone all dead and gone.#i'm all through with ties i'm all tired of tears i'm a happy man don't it look that way?#when i was you and you were me and we were very young together took us nearly there the rest may not be sung#so still the cloud it hangs over us and we're alone but some day one day we'll come home.#leaving home ain't easy but may be the only way.#i have to stop and think sometimes let the water roll a while let the days go by under my feet....#you know. lyrics like that. i go fucking INSANE.
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it was a small passing comment in the story but when its mentioned Sheila saw her dog get beaten to death when she was a kid and it made her feel like humankind was just like that (+ her sister's murder afterwards cementing that worldview)... augh.
#fugo.txt#like. idk i feel like im repeating myself but i cant stress this shit enough man. she was just a little girl#she was like 10#damn.#and like by that point she had already very much gone thru a lot of death. her parents were gone and the only family she had was her sister#and the only friend she had was her dog.#and then they both died. and she saw them die. right after the other. and then she was completely alone#idk looking at it thru that lense its not surprising at all that she decided to do all that. she was grieving and she didn't have anyone-#-to guide her in that. and the only logical progression she could fathom is that whoever killed her sister should suffer the same.#and deep down she knows she's doing this for herself because she doesn't KNOW what else to do. and she feels guilty. what would clara even-#think of her? and even if she's all oh illuso is dead and he suffered. so she can rest easy. you can SEE she never got any closure at all.#thats why she froze up when fighting against kocaqi. his sister also died right in front of him. but he did what she couldnt do#he gave her peace of mind. he gave her a dignified death. she died happy. clara didnt. and sheila can NEVER give that to her#all she can do is posthumously give her peace by murdering her murderer. but would Clara want that?#ugh man. its 2:30 am i should be sleeping i have a class to retake at 11:50#but. man..#please take the time to think of her tjis december
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i would also like to say i have zero trust in the forecast rn because the intensity keeps. fucking. going up. and im way too paranoid (bc this storm is coming for us) that it wont actually weaken enough and we're gonna get smacked by a cat 4 or 5
#manifesting for the best mentally preparing for the worst lol#i'm not normally like this!!!! but holy SHIT this one just keeps fucking changing constantly and it's kinda horrifying to watch happen#this is easily one of the quickest storms to strengthen in liek. the history of us monitoring this shit? it's freaky#and the forecast seriously just keeps changing. they cant even decide WHEN it's going to make landfall let alone what strength itll be at#ik it's not easy to tell Where more than 24 hours away but the rest is just...... like idk man. i have very little trust in this haha#sorry nhc i usually love you guys i love science i love meteorology but this one's weird and you are all being weirder about it#txt#sigh okay going back to cleaning. well maybe shower then clean. i need to shower very badly#no wait im gonna shower tn again. i need to wash my hair Tomororw. i think. so i can be prepared in case the power goes out#cuz i dont wanna suffer thru greasy bangs longer than necessary
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another childhood bucket list item obtained: i finally have a snuggie
#and it's the real thing not even a knockoff#kinda surprised they still exist#but also not surprised bc Blanket. blanket is universal#i just remember a lot of those As Seen On Tv ads like. imploding within 5 years#they still do As Seen On Tv products like there are still boxes marked with that logo it almost feels wrong like an ancient relic#bc most like. ubiquitous 2000s brands from my childhood are just Gone or at least so fundamentally changed it's not the same thing#heard about like 50 more companies going bankrupt probably in the last year alone#anyway ive always wanted a snuggie it's one of those Always Wanted things that never go away#others include: staples easy button (obtained!); mini fridge (not); pillow pet (i had a knockoff once); power drill (not)#i spent a surprising amount of my childhood actually going out of my way to buy stuff i could use in my own apartment in the future#i grew up lower middle class and then just lower class#so like. i always Knew i couldn't just furnish the whole apartment at once i Knew I'd have to build stuff up over time#also bc when my sister got kicked out she had like. nothing. in her trailer. and i did not want to have nothing#i knew if dad was willing to just toss out my sister like that i would absolutely follow suit#and i did! two years younger than my sister when she was!#it just happened that my mom didn't want me homeless at FOURTEEN when i legally could not work for two more years#so she went with me and we lived with my grandma#so take that dad. turns out throwing family members out willy nilly makes the rest of your family not trust you or like you!#and now i get to rub it in his face that HE can't function in a house by himself and still needs to beg my mom to clean up after him#bc i spent so much of my childhood getting berated and called lazy for not doing chores#getting told stuff like 'you have to function by yourself your parents can't always pick up after you'#and then he's literally useless without his wife#he's not disabled and he's not neurodivergent he's never even had a serious health scare he just doesn't bother to learn how to clean#his excuse is that he doesn't know how to use the washer and dryer (it has been almost ten years fucker. learn)#or he doesn't know which cleaning products to use (you have google and a library card. LOOK IT UP)#he's the only person i get mad at for this behaviour bc he's a fucking hypocrite and a child abuser about it too#he is the exception to my rule of everyone needs to be given the space to get things done where they're able and deserve help when needed#and I'll bend over backwards to make excuses for other people so i DONT exclude them from my rule i will try to find every good reason first#he has no fucking excuse though he made two teenagers nearly homeless bc he thought we were too lazy and then he's even worse
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Localization discourse has cropped up again on Twitter, and someone posted a few before and after screenshots of an Echoes mod that retranslates the game to be more faithful to the original JP script, with that same person claiming that all the mod does is remove all the personality and charm 8-4 added to the dialogue; for reference, here's the lines they're referring to:
Lukas (EN): But just once, i should like to be red with rage, green with envy... Something!
Lukas (JP): But still, i've never been caught up enough to lose control of myself...
Clair (EN): Do i not deserve better than these trite gambits of yours?
Clair (JP): That kind of behavior is very hurtful towards the one it is directed at.
Clair (EN): If that crass phrase means you wish to speak with me, then please proceed.
Clair (JP): Oh, Dyute. What is it?
I can somewhat get why people could see the first change as just being a less interesting way of getting across Lukas' lines about struggling with not feeling enough emotions (though even then i'd argue that changing the lines from him being dejected and resigned at his emotional struggles to him being actively angry about them is a decently big change to his character and not just "oh they worded it in a more interesting way"), but i really don't get how people can argue that Clair's localized lines aren't blatantly rewriting her character; her criticism of Gray being changed from "your behavior hurts people and you should stop because of that" to "your behavior hurts me and you should stop because i'm your superior and deserve better than to be toyed with by the likes of you", along with her greeting to Delthea being changed from "oh hi, what's the matter?" to "if that gross phrase means you want to talk to me, then i suppose i can grant you the privilege of a conversation" doesn't make the dialogue any wittier, it's just making Clair into more of a spoiled brat than she was intended to be originally.
You ruined my day with this :(
(i know this is an old ask, but I forgot it in my drafts!)
I thought FE15's localisation was nice, but granted, I didn't have access to the JP script (nor JP audio!), but now I wonder if the schtick "nobles vs commoners" wasn't overplayed in the lolcalised version, which in turn, would kind of explain why some people felt cheated by Alm's reveal -
Even if I always took it as "being a noble has nothing to do with birth" didn't meant Tobin as a peasant could become a noble and have a noble heart, but meant that even if you are born a noble with super special powers or not, being a noble character only falls on you, and the actions you take : Alm rescues random women (FE15 for you!) around at the cost of his mission/safety/etc, when Berkut, who is noble-born just like Alm, hunts peasants and burns his fiancée.
8-4 adding more "Nobles BaD" feels in touch with what ultimately happened with Fodlan, even if while the FE series already tried to dip its toes in this water with Ike, his "nobles BaD" ultimately amounted to childish tantrum and refusal to deal with "complicated things" when you realise and learn what kind of people he's working with, and their responsabilities.
In a way, I can understand the people being annoyed that the mod removed the "additions" brought by 8-4 if they really made the characters more memorable - but my stance will always be to be able to choose if you want to put parmesan on your pasta or not.
8-4!Clair is a spoiled and snob brat - but can't we get the choice to get a Clair without parmesan?
You know what, I'm thinking FEH's decision (in 2017!) to, uh, not include dual audio was due to the supposed limitations of the app, but imo, was also amde with the dubbing/US!VA industry in mind because, imagine the players from FE14-FE15 having characters who, by tone alone, are different from the ones they're used to, what kind of message would that send to players? You've played the parmesan!version of those games?
And to be clear, I like my pasta carbonara with heavy cream because I'm french and cream is life.
And yet, IDK, maybe that's just me, but I think I'd feel a bit out of the loop if I was thrown in game that celebrates a franchise I never played, since the games I played were... heavily "localised" to catter to my tastes and overplayed issues that weren't there because I'd maybe like this theme more than what was initially presented.
Cultural differences are a thing, but Crayon Shin-Chan is meant to be watched, in japan, by children in primary school.
OD's Crayon Shin Chan is basically japanese!Family Guy.
We had the "same" heavily lolcalisation back in the days here, with French!City Hunter ("Nicky Larson") and French!Hokuto no Ken ("Ken le Survivant"), and while in the 80s-90s some people still harped that those were the "real deal", with time it became more and more widely accepted that Nicky Larson and Ken le Survivant were... products that were lolcalised to fit with the regulations of that time (no blood for children! no swear words - when the regular french person says "merde" at least 10 times per day) - but if you were to go and interview the authors of those mangas, they wouldn't have a clue about what you're talking about with your french "dessins animés".
(granted, I've heard that recently, during a convention, both the author of City Hunter and Hokuto no Ken were surprised but pleased that even if it was lolcalised to oblivion, their work was so appreciated here!)
With modern FE though, I feel like FEH has to pretend that Nicky Larson and Ryo Saeba from City Hunter are the same person - so they will put Ryo in a fridge and call Nicky Larson "Ryo Saeba".
I mean, that's what we got with Halloween!Rhage - who roars using her special, and yet winks in her artwork because the artwork was commissioned by the people who designed/came up with Rhea, not with Rhage - and here, with your examples, with Clair.
Clair is a young noble lady, who as you pointed out with those lines, is a well mannered noble who doesn't hurt nor is looking down on people from lower birth, eons away from the "oujou who only means well" trope we ended up with with 8-4.
At the end of the day, people are free to enjoy whatever they want, let it be 8-4!Clair of Jp!Clair - but I'll have the same opinion as I always did regarding localisation : was it really up to 8-4 to change her characterisation this way? Are they still localising or swapping Jp!Clair with a brand new character of their creation?
If so, can this still be called localisation?
#sealofreconciliation#lolcalisation issues#I get that it's a very complicated work and it's easy to criticise behind your computer#and yet there's no reprieve from people who lived in the 2000s#Sure the anime expended on it because anime is different from the manga#but Katsuya Jonouichi was changed from Joey Wheeler from Brooklyn#Japanifornia is a term that was coined up by all this need to lolcalise even when it doesn't make sense#Localising isn't as easy as putting words in google translate#and yet I think 8-4 inserting their character in FE15 is not localisation#that's what we got with Fates and the differences between characterisation in the JP and US versions#it happened to a lesser degree with FE Fodlan#but there's still this discrepency between the og source material aka H!Rhea winking and throwing cookies#and Leigh's Rhage lines to go with that image#maybe as a non US person all this US localisation pisses me more#because the french localisation is either loltastic or at times and recently closer to the jp script which leaves me with more 4kids feels#sure you can always have the argument that if you can't understand the source material you have to use a proxy#but hey your proxy isn't even my native language so why should I use yours if something else is available?#even if what is available is crap and yet still manages to make me understand that your proxy isn't only a proxy but basically your takes#and your inserts in what the game isn't originally saying?#tbh I called out Rhage before the Halloween!alt especially with her lines about Willy in Tru Piss#Sure I couldn't understand a crap that was being said but by tone alone? the Rhea I couldn't understand felt like a very different characte#compared to Rhage#then friends translated the lines and I read that TV Tropes thing and found out Leigh's interview where she says#Pat told her to act in a certain way#and the rest is history#what is good localisation from what is lolcalisation always depends imo on what you want#and yet i think after a certain era people are more critical of what they consume#especially since the internet existing means people can check the og script and find out what was modified#sometimes it sucks and you have a dude writing 10k words about toxic masculinity because he didn't understood what 'boku' meant#and yet sometimes you have people finding out the lolcalisation turned someone saying Church GooD in Church BaD for no reason
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For the domestic hc asks: 10, 15, 20 for mariocest?
Anon I mwah mwah mwah mwah mwah Love you thankyou SO much for the ask
Asks from Here
10. What do they do when the other is away?
Keep busy mostly. Luigi does a lot of house work when Mario's off on adventures, and Mario takes any odd job he can get ahold of when Luigi travels.
Luigi handles his alone time a lot better than Mario. Mario gets a lot more fidgety when left to his own devices, anxious and depressed all on his own. If he can't find something to work on or do to be helpful he tends to just. Sleep a lot. Order pizza and sleep in.
He doesn't like it when Luigi's away.
15. What do they do when their partner is sick?
I think the Mario Bros both have stupid strong immune systems. The kinda guys who've only been "can't leave the house" levels of sick twice in their lives.
If Luigi's sick, Mario joins him in a lock down, only leaving the house to grab any prescription Luigi might need. He orders in Pizza and sets himself and Luigi up on the couch with blankets and tissues and whatever else he might need. He won't leave his brother's side for more then 5 minutes at a time.
If Mario's sick, Luigi has to physically fight him for the rights to take care of him. Mario does not take sick days. Luigi spends a lot of Mario's sick day just fighting him to lay down, take his medicine, stay still, just relax Bro. The easiest part of the process is getting him to eat at least. No stomach bug could keep Mario from a homemade Luigi meal.
Most likely though they'd be sick at the same time and need someone else to take care of them both. Keeping a Sick Mario from taking care of Sick Luigi would be a job all on it's own.
20. What is the first thing they say/do in the morning?
Mario is not a morning person.
Luigi is though. Loves to wake up in the morning. Loves to wake Mario up with a soft kiss and a hot mug of coffee. Loves to grab a shower right after waking up.
Mario in return, after lazing in bed with his mug, makes himself and Luigi breakfast. Something sweet like waffles with enough syrup to drown an elephant for Luigi, and something lighter like a banana sandwich for himself. Unless he has nothing to do that day, then he's making some breakfast meat. Sausage and Country Ham and Biscuits and Gravy.
#Mariocest#Thankyou for asking#Augh cute guys being cute!!!!!!!!! And in love!!!!#I love thinking domestically I really do the GREATEST past time is Domestic Shipping#They are just a couple guys living together and in love#Soft kiss and a hot cup of coffee in the morning my beloved#I really did want to use an image of Luigi handing Mario his mug from the Mario movie#BUT NO ONE'S UPLOADED IT YET#At least no one who doesn't also have me blocked so I can't see it kfdgjkdfjgkfd#If someone has an image of that moment send it to me please and thankyou I love you#Mario cannot take it easy my beloved#Well he can actually it just has to be with the right person (Luigi)#Like he's willing to spend a lazy day at home and rather enjoys them#Just not against his will (sick) or alone#Workaholic Mario my beloved tuck him in let him rest
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writing a self evaluation for an assignment and I got distracted and incredibly sidetracked in the middle of writing a sentence about how I CANNOT FOCUS EVER I'm gonna cry
#yeah I'll leave the self evaluation module for last. that's easy stuff it's just writing about me.#ah.#right.#the emotional toll.#''what are your strengths weaknesses career plans and longterm life goals'' shoot me. kill me dead.#my 5 year plan is to live in a room alone with a bed and a toilet and a shower and a microwave and a wifi#professor you do not want me to get into the rest of it. I know you do not wanna hear about HRT and top surgery and adderall#we are not the bright eyed wishful youths of yesteryear we are just trying to live#university depleated my whimsy stores all the more. it's gone sir
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Love how my grandma and aunt have the audacity to be mad at me when the first thing she says when I wake up and leave my room is calling the dog a bitch for pissing on the rug and then wonder why I don't want to interact with them
#maybe pay attention to the dog when she wants to go outside to go potty instead of watching Facebook videos all day#she won't piss on the rug if she goes outside! its not that hard#can't say she isn't trained bc you both fuckin ignore the dogs obvious body language#so we're all just gonna be pissy with each other for the rest of the day bc nobody in this house can properly communicate with each other#and the cycle continues#i can communicate with my friends easy but family? nah. they just completely ignore anything and everything#like how I've constantly told my aunt I'd like to be left alone when I'm mad and what does she do every time? orbit me like a gd satellite#what's a good way to vent frustration bc I'm reaching a boiling point sooner rather than later lol
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#can i just rant for a second pls#about life#I hate to be the kind of person to do this I don’t want ppl to worry or just be nice to me I’m not doing this to get anything in return on#I’m just doing this bc I need to get it out somehow and feel like its at least been said#bc I have no one I can say it to#I just really don’t know how to hold myself together at the moment#I don’t know how to have the strength to push to do all these things I need to do and want to do while still holding together every other#single fucking person in my life and being the person that gets all their stress loaded onto while not knowing how to fix any of it#I wanna be that person I wanna be someone you can go to but when it’s everyone all at once and it’s all these people around me that can’t#seem to communicate and make bad situations worse and I get they don’t have the strength to keep themselves together and face things with at#least a bit of a better mindset but god I can’t do that for everyone#it feels like everyone is falling apart and I’m the person in everyone’s life that’s trying to hold them together#and I really care about these people but I can’t seem to find the space for it all#not when on top of everyone having things that are shifting their life for me then to have my own life shifting too#all I wanted was peace just some rest before it all started happening I just wanted the summer to be easy and it’s not#I wanted this summer to be normal to be that last summer of family and it feels like I can’t have that anymore and I hate it#I hate that I feel alone#and I hate feeling like I can’t fall apart or put myself first bc I’m always gonna need to and want to be there for everyone else#I hate that I can’t cope#I hate that I can’t seem to live#that I can never muster up the energy or strength to do the things I want bc it feels like every force in my life is just pushing me back#down and I hate saying this bc it’s so selfish and mean but I hate being here sometimes#I’m so afraid and nervous to leave but at the same time I think about being out of here and only having to hold myself up for once#and to not be surrounded by this atmosphere that feels impossible to be in#I just need things to stop but they won’t and I literally feel like I’m out in the middle of the ocean with absolutely no idea of what to do#to save myself and I feel like I need to actually do something about it instead of just moving on and forgetting about it bc what if I just#drown what the fuck then#and yet I feel the overwhelming need to say at the end don’t worry it ain’t that deep tho I’m sure I’ll be fine just gonna keep going#lol just gotta get back on being that person with their shit together right fake it till you make it and all that#anyway bye sorry for just dropping this idk when I’ll be back on tumblr thank you to everyone that sent nice messages before they meant alot
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