#rereading journals is bad sometimes

[goldkirk]

.

[yndrgrl]

yandere! bakugou uses you to get to someone else, but ends up falling for you instead

long ass fic. fem! reader. regular! au. enemies to lovers. lowkey crack! fic. tsundere! bakugou.

warnings: nsfw, noncon/dubcon, manipulation, somnaphilia (idk how to spell it), degrading, bullying, spitting, public sex, hatefuck

a/n: requests are open :) (plz request something, idk what else to write about 😭)

---

"no." that's all you said. so flat, so robotic. that's all you wanted to say.

bakugou was a pushy man, however. "it wasn't a question."

"oh for real?" you gasped, putting both hands to your cheeks to show your faux shock. "no."

"listen, you're gonna help me win over uraraka-"

"no, i'm not, bakugou," you denied once more. you don't even know why he came to you in the first place. it was clear as day that uraraka had a major crush on izuku, & izuku liked uraraka just as much.

honestly, what surprised you the most is that bakugou even had a crush. i guess it makes sense that it would be on uraraka though.

"yes, you are because i have something over you," bakugou threatened lowly.

you scoffed, "oh, do you now?" there wasn't really much he could have over you that would make you help him-

he slammed a journal on the desk, a slam echoing throughout the library. it was your personal diary.

you lunged for your journal, but he snatched it & threw it into his bag. you screamed at him, "how'd you get that, you sicko?!" the only way he would've gotten that was by breaking into your dorm room.

"are you going to help me or not?"

yes, you could've bought a nicer, leather journal with handcrafted pieces of paper, glued recent pictures of your life & decorated the pages with washi tape, stickers, & colored markers, but you didn't want to start over yet. your journal is a year & a half old, every page nearly filled; it's a deep dive into your mind. every overwhelming event in your life, every good memory, every goal you strive to achieve is written down in that book. bakugou katsuki had that all in his possession.

that's why, two days after you found out what he has, you're sitting with your usual study group in your designated, outdoor study area-- plus bakugou. your bluetooth speaker played a playlist shared throughout the group. you sat on the edge with uraraka beside you & bakugou across from you.

"y/n," someone said, catching your attention; it was uraraka. "i didn't know you & bakugou were friends."

you wanted to laugh. you quickly told her, "we're not-"

"we're good friends," katsuki overlapped with his lie. his scowl upturned into the smallest smile when uraraka glanced up at him.

"oh wow, i had no idea! the two of you are so hard-headed, i wouldn't have expected the two of you to get along so great," she said back with a giggle. you loved uraraka, but she's too friendly sometimes.

bakugou, trying to play into the cool-bad-boy character, said, "yeah, well she makes it hard sometimes, but it helps when she has cute friends, i guess."

never in your life did you think you would hear big, tough bakugou flirt in your life.

they continued their conversation that you tuned out, rereading your notes & constructing plans on how to get your journal so you could expose him. everyone was invested in their own stuff. obviously, bakugou & uraraka were talking amongst themselves. momo was explaining to jirou & mina some math topic that they were sobbing about. tsu was on her laptop as she tried finishing a power point that was due the next day.

your chin was propped up by your hand, humming the song that started playing. "um, excuse me," a masculine voice called out. it caught the attention everyone at the table. you heard bakugou scoff, & you could only assume he rolled his eyes.

you looked up at the source of the voice. he was right in front of you, face red, cheeky smile. he was cute in the way that a puppy eager for a treat was. "you're y/n, right?"

"yeah, i am," you confirmed, matching his grin.

he introduced himself by saying his name & told you that he was in the hero-support program. he then said, "i just wanted to say that you're just really pretty."

compliments were one thing. compliments from complete strangers always messed you up though. "oh, th-thanks." you're so awkward.

"so like, maybe i could get your number, & we could go on a date or two?"

you glanced back at all your friends, who all had big smiles as a way of non-verbally saying, "get your manz, bitch!!"

bakugou on the other hand, had an expression of confusion & anger-- the anger was permanent though.

"i mean, i don't give out my phone number, but maybe we can snap or something?"

the guy nodded with enthusiasm, pulling out his phone to give you his username. "cool, well sorry for wasting your guys' time," the boy said to you friends before turning to you & saying, "i'll hit you up later?"

"can't wait," you replied back.

as soon as he was out of earshot, mina squealed, "oh my god! you're such a flirt!"

jirou teased, "you're so awkward, it's literally so funny."

"you're my pretty best friend," tsu croaked with a laugh.

"guys, nothing is gonna happen," you said with a blush. "i'm just gonna be his friend."

"how does it feel to be hit on for the first time, loser?" bakugou yawned, as if he's been hit on ten million times by fan girls & milfs or something.

mina retaliated, "what are you talking about? y/n gets hit on all the time!"

uraraka jumped in, "yeah, what's was that? guy number five?"

"y/n?" bakugou questioned, & all your friends nodded. "that thing? doubt it."

"what's there to doubt? you just saw it," you growled at him, he annoyed you so badly.

after that study session, he got uraraka's number like he hoped for, but he was more curious about you. he never realized until that day how often you do actually get men's attention. bakugou always assumed you were some bookworm, writer nerd who leeched off of his darling, uraraka for popularity & personality.

"i don't get it," bakugou muttered, staring at your figure across the cafeteria. he was surrounded by his friends, who all followed his gaze.

kirishima groaned, "dude, just ask uraraka out already." it was routine that bakugou would say something about how shitty nerd, deku, isn't good enough for her affections or how he would be a better match for her.

"no, it's not that," bakugou corrected, glare not breaking off of you. this caught kirishima, denki, sero, & mina -who sometimes sat with you as well- off guard.

"what are you talking about, bro," denki asked.

"i don't get it. she's not even that cute," bakugou scoffed, slouching back into the bench. his eyes finally tore away from you & awase from class 1-b.

"who?"

"y/n, i think," mina assumed, & when bakugou didn't deny it, they all knew she was right. "why does it even bother you?"

"it doesn't," he said, glancing back at you. awase left you, & in his place was the floating, fighting machine uraraka. he didn't feel the need to say anything about her though, but he felt like he had to. "she's weird, uraraka shouldn't even be friends with her."

"there it is," sero sighed, making all the others laugh.

"shut up," bakugou scowled at them. everyone was used to it, so they weren't that threatened.

"but seriously, bakubro, don't hate on y/n just cuz she's best friends with uraraka, & you're jealous," kirishima told him. he always did this to the blonde. he wasn't scared to tell him off.

bakugou, infuriated, yelled, "i'm not jealous of her, okay? it's just stupid how she has everyone wrapped around her finger, so don't be some dumb, y/n defenders. hop off her fuckin' dick."

"i'm just saying, man. she's super cool, has a useful quirk, & is an awesome fighter," kirishima said, holding his hands as a way to show he was backing down.

"if i were you, bakugou, i would be trying to be her friend," mina said.

mina's words played on repeat in bakugou's head for a week. it was driving him crazy. even though that bridge of being friends was already burned & he kept telling himself he doesn't care, he can't help but want to be closer to you.

he said it was all for uraraka in the end. after all, when they were texting the other day, she said that she would want a future partner to get along with her friends or else it'll be a deal breaker.

bakugou deduced that if he was on favorable terms with you that uraraka would fall for him-- & maybe you too. he felt himself physically jolt when he thought that. why in fucks name would he want you to fall for him? he thought for a second. it's not like he wants to be with you or anything, but he doesn't want you with anyone else.

he somehow found himself in front of your dorm door past curfew. bakugou, at this time, was usually asleep, dreaming about a life where him & uraraka lived happily ever after. however, tonight was different. he didn't feel like thinking about the short-haired brunette.

he doesn't even know why he's outside your door.

in his head, he rationalized that he just loves uraraka so much that he'd give up sleep to become your friend. it was such an urgent situation that he didn't even bother putting on shirt.

he fished in his sweatpants' pocket for a lock pick, the same one he used to break into your dorm the first time to steal your journal. bakugou jammed it into the lock, opening the door with ease. he shut the door carefully before stalking further into your room.

there you were on your bed. swaddled in your fluffy duvet, cuddling a stuffed animal. you must've felt his presence because your sleeping self started shifting & ended up kicking off your blanket. you ended up on your stomach, one leg crunched towards your side while the bottom leg laid straight. you faced away from bakugou.

his breath hitched, something inside him twitched. bakugou couldn't help but stare. he had to admit that you had the body of his dream girl. wait no, his dream girl was uraraka-

he cut his own thoughts off when he saw how your ass looked in that position. the blue hue from the moonlight flowed into the room because, for some reason, you felt no need to close your curtains. he could make the shape of you so clearly. he reached for you.

he told himself that he wouldn't be cheating on his soon-to-be lover. it's just a touch, a friendly touch that friends share with each other.

his fingertips ghosted over your exposed thighs. you were wearing nothing but thong & an oversized band tee. the gentle touches turned into full-palm caresses. her skin is so smooth, bakugou thought. he loomed closer to you, inhaling deeply. she smells so nice.

he climbed over you with the agility of a shadow. the bed didn't even creak. he kneeled over legs, & his hands found your plush ass. he kneaded your bare butt, shifting you so you were fully on your stomach. you remained unmoving; you usually take melatonin gummies right before bed anyways.

bakugou kept groping your ass while his cock hardened into its full length. his hands wandered, thumbs grazing over your entrance. he grasped you, & he spread your ass cheeks apart. you must be dreaming about something dirty because your thong was soaked.

bakugou readjusted himself so he was on level with your ass. "this is just what friends do," he hazily whispered to himself. "friends help friends get better."

he blew on the wet patch, watching your pussy twitch through your panties. bakugou waited for a second, trying to grasp at any sort of self-control but, when you subconsciously propped your ass higher for him, he couldn't help it. he mentally apologized to uraraka before he dove into your ass.

his tongue licked your clothed slit, & he felt how thin your thong truly was. he only got an inkling of what you tasted like, & he craved more. bakugou lapped you juices through your panties, dampening the light grey cloth into a darker shade. his jaw hinged open to allow his tongue to delve further down.

he found your clit through your thong. he pressed his tongue against you, & sleeping, unsuspecting you let out a moan. "oh fuck," bakugou whispered in response, diving back into your pussy.

he pulled your thong up. it rode higher in your ass, then the part the was covering your pussy disappeared between your lips.

he started eating you out again, groaning in pleasure when he finally got to touch your bare skin. he slurped your juices over & over.

bakugou didn't realize that he pulled his sweatpants & boxers down to his knees. he pulled away from your pussy, a string of your juices & his saliva connecting him to you.

on his knees, he positioned his big cock between your ass. a moment of clarity hit him, it wasn't right, he knew that deep down. you really didn't do anything to him.

your phone next to your pillow buzzed. he grabbed it, his hung cock still pressed against you. it was a message from uraraka that read, "wait what did you wanna tell me about bakugou earlier? you looked so concerned haha."

you were trying to tell him? what a fucking bitch, bakugou thought with pure hatred. you were trying to sabotage him with your words, your pretty little mouth, with your dumb, stupid body.

his rationality was once again thrown out of the door. uraraka would want me to show y/n her place, he thought. he climbed off of you. he had to show you what your mouth was meant for. your mouth wasn't meant for snitching, it was meant for sucking cock-- his cock.

bakugou turned your head & pulled it at the edge of the bed. thankfully, it's like your body already knew what was gonna happen, your mouth was already agape. he pushed his tip past your lips. your tongue lazily stroked against his length. he moved his dick in & out of your throat, & yet somehow you still remained motionless.

his control turned into animalistic thrusts, gagging you over & over, & you still stayed asleep. "fuckin' stupid bitch," he groaned, throwing his head back. your throat expanded with each thrust to accommodate his thickness & length.

spit & his precum spilled out of your mouth & onto your silk pillowcase. because you were sideways, his heavy balls slapped against your face, nose shoved into his pubes. you gargled & gagged in your sleep, but you still handled him so well.

his passionate angry finally swelled up & shot down your throat. even though he was cumming, he kept half-assed thrusting in your throat, coating every inch with white. all for uraraka, remember? because bakugou completely forgot what drove him to do what he just did.

the next day, as you entered the classroom, he heard you tell to uraraka about how the melatonin gummies really worked. "yeah, i was completely knocked out! i drooled so much, my pillow was drenched. it was disgusting."

"really? i know that they're good, but i never drooled that much. maybe you really needed that sleep."

as they passed bakugou's seat, uraraka waved at him with pink cheeks. "hey, bakugou."

"uraraka," he said back to her. he watched your smile drop into a frown, your eyes rolling. he was winning over uraraka, he knew that, but he didn't feel satisfied. he yearned the banter between the two of you more than uraraka's affections. "what was that, idiot?"

uraraka was shocked at first, thinking he was talking to her until she heard you shoot back, "shouldn't you be watching ochaco instead of me?" if he didn't know any better, it sounded like you were jealous.

"y/n, let's calm down," uraraka sheepishly suggested, but it only angered you more. why was she on that weirdo's side? why wasn't she on your side? even after you told her what he did to you, she didn't even care; in fact, she seemed flattered.

"yeah, calm down," bakugou chimed in with that disgusting, cocky smile, "go in the back & drool all over your desk."

"eavesdropping now? you really are obsessed," you huffed, marching towards your desk that was, in fact, in the back of the classroom. you thought uraraka was right behind you, but by the time you turned around to sit in your chair, you noticed her take a seat next to bakugou.

the bell rang, & in rolled your sleepy teacher, mr. aizawa. he called roll, held an hour long lecture while you took notes, then assigned a 4-page essay with three sites sources. after he was done, he questioned, "now that we're done with that, what is happening today?"

iida's hand shot up along with his entire body.

"go ahead, iida."

"the 1a students from ketsubutsu academy are training with us today." oh right, you completely forgot about that. you were not in the mood to socialize with those uptight, cocky rich kids today. even though you took the melatonin gummies the night before to ensure a goods night sleep, you got everything but that. you felt like you were melting all night, & now you just felt restless.

"good, iida is correct," mr. aizawa confirmed. "they're already waiting in training facility a, so get dressed & be there in 10 minutes."

"yes sir!" & they all scurried out of the classroom.

your entire class entered the facility in their hero costumes. like mr. aizawa said, the visiting students were already there, stretching & warming up. mr. aizawa, once he noticed his entire class, announced that on the white board was everyone's names & assigned training group for the day.

everyone, including the other class, crowded around the board to find their names. "y/n!" your best friend, who you were extremely pissed off at, cheered. "we're all in the same group!" we... all?

you look at uraraka to see who she was referring to. "it's just my luck," you groaned, of course it was bakugou. "i just had to be put in a group with you!" you wanted to shout at everyone. you wanted to shout at uraraka for being swooned by a creep, you wanted to yell at mr. aizawa for putting you in a group with bakugou, & you wanted to scream, jump, yell, & hit bakugou over the head with a bat just for being the aggravating, prideful bastard he is.

"we just had to have a weak fuckin' nerd in your group?" he said to uraraka, but glanced to his side to meet your eye. your fuming expression really got him going. "there's no one more annoying than you-"

"are you y/n?" someone questioned. that just be the last person in your group.

you looked up at him, & with a half-hearted smile, you said, "i am."

"nice, i'm in your group," he told you, "i'm yo shindo. & i must admit, i was not excited for this whole group training thing until i saw a pretty girl like you was in my group."

oh, so he was a flirt? honestly, you didn't mind at all; you needed something to distract you & what's a better distraction than a buff playboy?

"honestly me too, but i think it'll be fun with you," you said back, but you overthought what you said. was it cringy?

bakugou was watching the whole exchange, brows furrowed, vein popping through his skin on his forehead. uraraka noticed, & because with the new-found knowledge that bakugou really liked her, she stroked his arm & asked, "are you okay?"

he looked at her with the same look of anger, now mixed with discomfort, & shrugged her off. "yeah, i'm fine."

he turned his attention back to you & shindo. bakugou's hands sparked ever so suddenly when he took in the scene in front of him. you were eating up all of shindo's praises & brags. your hands tried to squeeze around his biceps but you just couldn't connect your hands. "wow, your muscles are so big~ you must be strong."

"of course i am, i gotta be so i can impress pretty girls like you after all," he winked at you. for a moment, you glanced at bakugou, feeling his harsh glare, & he looked like he was about to explode. you didn't know why though, doesn't he have what he wanted already? he has uraraka right there, & yet he's still mad at you. he still owes you your journal too, so the two of you were not on good terms.

"sorry, i didn't mean to get carried away," you told shindo, pulling your hands away.

as the two of you walked towards uraraka & bakugou, shindo said, "i don't mind, you can touch me wherever, whenever."

you couldn't help but laugh out loud. "god, you're such a flirt!"

"you seem to love it though-"

"y/n, would you stop being a hoe for one second & train like you're supposed to?" bakugou said to you, hands stuffed inside his pockets, looking so nonchalant. you blinked a moment, & you waited for uraraka to say something or to rush by your side. she didn't do any of that

all she said was, with a giggle & eyes staring at bakugou, "that was mean." yeah, it was. it really was. the tips of your ears burned in humiliation, your palms became sweaty, & your breathing was uneven. after uraraka was done ogling bakugou, she looked at you, & her eyes widened. never in her entire childhood friendship did she see that expression on your face.

"dude, i don't know who think you are, but don't talk to her like that," shindo said, stepping forward & slightly in front of you. your tense shoulders relaxed just a bit-- someone is in your corner.

the amused bakugou turned pissed off when your new, little boy-toy went to your rescue, even though he knew you didn't need rescuing. "h-hey, let's save it for training, yeah-"

"i'll talk to y/n however i want, damn weak fuck," bakugou replied, copying his movements & stepping forward. "you're just like her: fucks anything that moves, huh?"

"bakugou-"

"that's it!" you shouted as you shoved bakugou away from shindo. the three of them -bakugou, uraraka, & shindo- were shocked to say the least. he pushed you too far all for entertainment & some obsession. "you're such a goddamn coward, you know that? all you are is a bully who's play-pretending to be a hero! you're such a control freak that, even after you stole my best friend, you still need to have something over me, so you won't give me back my stupid journal. & worst of all, you just stare & glare & act like i'm scum when you're the actual piece of shit! & you're not even ashamed! you want everyone to know! i hate you so much!"

after your tangent/rant, you walked away, quirk firing left & right. you didn't need to hear whatever bakugou was going to say next, it was probably be something so degrading that winds up in her next journal entry.

the three of the gawked at you, watching you walk straight to the state-of-the-art punching bags. uraraka was the first to speak. "i'll talk to her. i've never seen her that... mad. it was like she was a whole new person-"

"you guys are terrible classmates. there was no reason to say any of that. i'll go talk with her," shindo cut uraraka off. before either of them could do anything, bakugou was already strutting towards you, gauntlets sparking.

"who does she think she is?" they heard him utter. they were out of earshot, however, when he said, "making me fuckin' hard then walking away. damn tease."

he caught up to you in no time. you were almost to the punching bags when he grabbed your wrist, his hand was warm & a stinging sensation engulfed your wrist.

uraraka & shindo watched as the two of you screamed at each other, you shoving him, him glaring at you, you throwing a piece of your costume at him. honestly, it would've been comedic if it wasn't for bakugou pressing your buttons.

"what are they? toxic exes or something?" shindo questioned as they began to walk towards the fighting two.

"oh, no, not at all! i would've known," uraraka told him, "they're just... um... friends i think. maybe enemies."

"i can tell that much."

when the actual training began, you & bakugou tried to separate from each other. you were paired with shindo & him with uraraka. but, because of the conditioning & the way today's training was set up, it was inevitable that you two would interact again.

like at lunch, the two of you sat across each other at a table, eating your lunches. you didn't bother speaking, you didn't even want to see bakugou ever again, after all.

or at the water fountain, when he said, "hurry up." & so you took longer, even though you weren't thirsty anymore.

or when you had to rotate partners & bakugou was your only option. the two of you, against the rules, threw quirk-backed attacks each other.

& that's how you two ended up being excused early. while everyone else was getting better, you were locked out & forced to change back into your school uniform, & the only person with you was bakugou.

when you left the changing room, he was leaning against the wall-- almost like he was waiting for you. "you done being mad at me?"

"no, i'm not, & i'll never stop being mad at you," you said, walking right past him. he followed close behind you.

"listen, i didn't mean to embarrass you. i didn't know you'd get so pissy."

"what did you think was gonna happen?!"

"i don't know, okay?" the two of you were yelling at this point.

"you have ochaco, can you please just give me my journal & leave me alone? you two can be happy far, far away from me," you said, cursing yourself for choking up. you mentally prepared for the teasing & "witty" comebacks bakugou had in store.

instead, he asks, "are you jealous?"

"what?"

"are you jealous?"

you scoffed, opening the door to the dorm building. "don't flatter yourself, big guy."

"i'm being serious," he said to you as he leaned on the counter. you were so hungry that you didn't really care bakugou was watching you cook. "because i was."

"what are you getting at, bakugou?" you asked, putting a pot of water on the stove, bringing it to a boil.

"i was so jealous today," he said.

"of what?"

"of damn shindo kid," he responded back. your angered expression contorted into a puzzled one as you looked up at him. when you didn't reply, he continued, "if i knew stupid one liners got your attention, i would've been doing that sooner."

you couldn't believe what you were hearing. the guy who's been making the past few months hell was confessing something you never expected. "what about ochaco, hm? i thought you needed her to breath or something."

"yeah, i guess i liked her at first, & that's why i needed your help," he admitted. he then fished a journal, your journal, out of his bag & stood up. he walked towards you, hand outstretched with your beloved diary in his grasp. you reached out for it when he lifted it above your head with a taunting smirk. "but then i realized that i wanted you this entire time."

--nsfw starts here--

"you're just saying stupid things to get a rise out of me, bakugou," you rolled your eyes at him. you placed a hand on his chest as you jumped for your journal, fingers touching it ever so lightly. it was just out of reach.

you thought you had it, he brought the notebook down. however, you didn't have it. he threw it on the counter behind you, & the hand the was holding it snakes around your waist. his other hand grabbed your face, stroking your cheek as he kissed you.

you don't know why, but you found your arms around his neck, pulling him in closer. without breaking your lips apart, he pushed you against the counter, pinning you between his two arms now. his tongue, the tongue that craved you since that unknown night, licked your lips before fighting yours for dominance. his thigh was between your legs. he pressed your core against him, & you moaned.

bakugou shut off the burner during your kiss. he was expecting the two of you to escape into his room, but when you threw off his tie & unbuttoned his shirt eagerly, he knew he needed you right then & there.

the two of you broke your kiss, & he placed his head in the crook of your neck. "you get off on making me jealous, don't you? that's why you were flirting with stupid shindo?"

"wh-whatever, you jerk. you act like you weren't basically grinding on ochaco in front of me all the time?"

bakugou laughed into the nape of your neck. "grinding? all we did was talk."

"same fuckin' thing," you growled in frustration.

"i didn't know you were so jealous of her."

"oh, fuck off, asshole," you said. you were quickly shut up by him biting your sensitive spots all over your neck, sucking & licking to create hickeys.

he took off your tie & ripped open your shirt. he unhooked your bra, throwing it god knows where. "take this fuckin' thing off," he uttered, helping you out of your torn clothes.

"h-hey!"

"shut up, & take it. i'll buy you a new one," he said before fondling your breasts. you bit your lip as your grinded against his meaty thigh. your wetness, even though you had panties on, began staining his slacks.

"bakugou~" you whispered, voice shaking.

"it's katsuki tonight, dummy," he told you, turning you around & bending you over the counter. you brushed your journal out of the way as you pressed you tits onto the cold, granite countertop.

with three fingers, he pinched your pussy through your panties so his middle one snuck in between your lips. "stop being a tease & fuck me already." if only you knew.

"be patient, woman," scowled katsuki, smacking your ass. he set of small sparks when he hit your cheek. "you can't take this cock yet. i'm doing you a goddamn favor."

you doubted him, you really did. he was so cocky & arrogant, how could you not? "i can take your tiny dick any day, don't underestimate me."

katsuki let out a hearty, sarcastic laugh. "you really think so, dumb bitch?" he unclicked his belt, dropping his pants & boxers around his ankles. he started to grind against your ass, & you swore up & down it felt like deja vu.

you gasped as you felt his length between your ass. you've had dreams about cocks that big, sure, but you didn't know they actually existed. "wh-what the fuck?"

"what? still think you take me? still think i'm tiny, sweetheart?" katsuki taunted as he took off your panties. he pressed your thighs around his cock, the base of it stimulating your swollen clit. he thrusted gently; it was so against his brash, aggressive character.

you were not one to back down, so at least you stayed true to your character. "yeah, i can take your skinny ass dick-" you were cut off by katsuki spreading your ass & shoving his girthy length into your throbbing heat. you screamed, tongue hanging out of your mouth as you tried to adjust to him.

he wouldn't let you though. katsuki, once inside your tight pussy, started pounding you. he shoved his cock head into your g-spot over & over, making you quiver & pulsate around him. "sl-sl-slow d-down!" you begged between thrusts. in response, he pulled your head back with your hair. you arched uncomfortably; your pelvis was still against the edge of the counter, but your head was pulled so far back that you could see katsuki's face.

"you think you're all that? you think you can just flirt with all these other guys in front of me? you fuckin' slut," he spat into your mouth, not that it mattered since it mixed with your drool & fell out of your mouth & onto your cold body. "i own you now. i own this mouth, i own this pussy, i own this ass, i own you."

"f-f-"

"c'mon, pathetic whore. say it."

"fuck y-you, katsuki." oh, you were a brat through & through clearly.

katsuki has had enough of your retaliation. you were supposed to be a brainless bimbo begging for more, yet here you were, surprising him again. any bit of consciousness you had, he was going to fuck out if you.

he, without pulling out, let go of your hair & made you stand up. he grabbed both your legs & hoisted you into this air. his hands found their way behind your head, & you couldn't move. you were nothing more than a cum dumpster to him now. "you know, if anyone walks through that door, they're gonna see you folded in half, tears streaming down your face with my cock balls deep in your dripping pussy, & they'd realize how much of a slut you are, & they'd know that you're all mine."

you didn't mean to, but your pussy clenched around his cock tighter as more of your juices squirted onto the linoleum floor. "oh, you like that, princess?"

you moaned in response, eyes rolling to the back of your head when he praised you. "aw, how pathetic. you must love when i call you cute nicknames & tell you how good you're doing." with whatever head movement you had, you nodded.

"that's a shame because you've been nothing but dirty, i can't treat you like a good girl until you deserve it."

"p-please! i'll do anything!" you cried out, then you started twitch uncontrollably around him. a white, hot wave of pleasure washed over you as you creamed all over his cock. he wasn't done yet, he still abused your cervix, making you beg for him to stop, or at least slow down.

his thrusts turned rapid as he started to groan about how you were all his, how he wasn't going to let any other man look at you, how he would be the only one you ever think about. you knew that was all true. "y/n, you fuckin' bitch, i hate you & your pretty, little face. take it all," he yelled as he unloaded his load into your tight pussy.

you screamed in overwhelming pleasure, squirting all over him once again. the two of you caught your breaths. he set you down once his cock finally stopped twitched, & he spun you around to embrace you. "i'm so sorry, y/n. i promise i'll be the best boyfriend in the world, just give me a chance. i know we're enemies or whatever, but i don't wanna be that anymore, & i don't want to be whatever this is; just fucking like we hate each other then go our separate ways." you've never seen this side of katsuki before.

"i-i'd like that, i'd like to be your girlfriend."

you hated him. you hated how he made you feel. you hated how he infected your mind, how he ruined you for any other man. you hated how you knew you needed him.

[sweet-s0rr0w]

Vintage Drarry Fics

Thought I'd put together a list of some of the old Drarry 'classics' of my teenage years, for anyone interested. All posted between 2001-2006, compiled using my (bad) memory, a lot of googling, fanlore.org and numerous different LJ rec accounts (including the incredible @capiturecs). I checked as best I could, but if anyone knows of any fics that their author doesn't want to be shared, please let me know and I will of course remove.

Please also note that these fics are of their era, when attitudes may have been different, and they may not all be grammatically perfect. I haven't reread all, as my own tastes have changed, but most importantly do note that they may not be tagged - don't blame me when, for example, Harry dies tragically on a rooftop at sunrise...

Hogwarts Era (mostly 5th-7th year)

A Thousand Beautiful Things by Duinn Fionn/geoviki (M, 105k)

Draco Malfoy struggles with changed fortunes, shifted alliances, an ugly war, and an unusual spell, with the help of a concerned professor, an insightful house-elf, and an unexpected Gryffindor friend.

All Bets Are Off by Allegra (R, 53k)

I am SICK of Good-little-innocent!Harry...Enter Playboy!Harry and his Overinflated Ego, a challenge, a bet, a couple of Really Cunning Plans - and there you have it, "Forty days and forty nights", Hogwarts style. Mayhem ensues! 

Angels and Devils by beren (E, 52k)

Harry defeated Voldemort and his act of heroism is famous throughout the wizarding world. He's trying to finish his final year at Hogwarts in peace, but, thanks to the method he chose to destroy The Dark Lord, something peculiar is happening to him, something he never would have expected. It's all rather embarrassing and making his life very complicated.

Artful Facade by Sky Sorceress (T, 66k)

Sometimes you fly too close to the sun and lose your wings. With sixth year approaching, the danger Harry seeks can be found only in the form of Draco Malfoy. What follows is a twist in the line between hatred, love, and need.

Beautiful World by Cinnamon/Lissadiane (M, 70k)

Harry finds out he's going to die on his 16th birthday. He embarks on a journey of self-destructive behaviour and drags Draco along for the ride. 

Beneath You by Cinnamon/Lissadiane (M, 113k)

Draco had no idea that the repercussions of stealing Potter's journal and shoving it down the back of his trousers would be so extreme.

Bond by AnnaFugazzi (M, 173k)

It seems 95% of H/D writers feel compelled to write a "Harry And Draco Are Forced To Be Together By Something Beyond Their Control And Then Unlikely Stuff Happens That Leads To Twoo Wuv" story. Count me among the 95% ;)

Checkmate by Naadi Moonfeather (T, 245k)

Draco has the perfect plan to get Harry Potter and challenges him to a game of Dare Chess. But is it love, or betrayal, he has in mind?

The Cicatrix Cycle by Ivy Blossom (NC-17, long!)

Three parts: Origins, Haven, Belong

Draco In Darkness by Plumeria (T, 41k)

Following an accident in his seventh year, Draco loses his eyesight. After Harry elbows his way into Draco's dark world, both boys find themselves in a strange new friendship, and they each learn new ways to see each other … and themselves.

Eclipse by PhoenixSong/Mijan (T, 287k)

"You're dead, Potter... I'm going to make you pay..." Draco swore his revenge on Harry for Lucius's imprisonment, and Harry all but laughed at him. But Draco is planning more than schoolyard pranks this time. The old rivalry turns deadly when Draco abducts Harry for Voldemort. It's the perfect plan, guaranteeing revenge, power, and prestige, all in one blow. But, when Draco's world turns upside down, the fight to save himself and Harry begins, and the battle will take them both through hell and back. If they come back. 

Friend Like Me by Lady Vader (M, 11k)

Draco's rendition of the love story that never was.

How Harry Potter Got His Groove Back by Durendal/Eleveninches (R, 12k)

Snape tries to hang himself, Draco enters an alternate reality, and Harry Gets a Clue. Humor, SLASH, naughty language, and other Evil Things. Harry/Draco, Snape/James/Lucius.

Irresistible Poison by Rhysenn (PG-13, 124k)

Under the influence of a love potion, Draco learns that poison doesn't always bring death -- there are other ways to suffer and live. Chemical emotion runs feverish as Harry and Draco discover the intoxication of love.

Lettered by pir8fancier (M, 7.8k)

Harry has a secret penpal, whose identity is as plain as the nose on his face. Except he's not wearing his glasses.

Love Under Will by Aja (R, 116k)

In their 5th year, Harry and Draco choose to be with one another; but the story--and the battle-- is just beginning...

playing the game, living the lie by Abaddon (R, 159k)

Set in Sixth Year, both the wizarding and Muggle worlds are threatened as Voldemort plans a final revenge. Past, present and future collide as all must consider where their loyalties lie; who they are, and who they want to be. Amidst it all, Harry and Draco begin a dangerous journey of understanding. Is it possible to leave everything you thought you were behind?

Resolution by Frances Potter (R, 322k)

When you've spent six years fighting evil, all you really want is a quiet time. But when your name is Harry Potter the chances of that are very slim. A series of vignettes chronicling Harry's final six months at Hogwarts. Exams, friends, lovers, Quidditch, the war and Draco all conspire to make the year end seem a very long way away.

Seamus is Seamus and You are Yourself by Ari Munami (PG-13, 31k)

Harry goes through some er... changes in his Sixth Year and everyone, including Draco Malfoy, sits up and takes notice.

Snakes and Lions by GatewayGirl (M, 139k)

When Ron and Hermione get together, they notice only each other. A nightmare prompts Harry to return alone to the empty Chamber of Secrets, and leads to a new look at an old enemy. Harry enjoys the company, but with Bellatrix Lestrange actively hunting him, how far can he trust a Death Eater's son?

Something Impossible by epicylical/Cassandra Claire (PG, 6.4k)

As punishment for an act of vandalism, Draco is forced to perform three tasks to win Harry's forgiveness - only they don't turn out to be exactly the kind of tasks he'd been expecting. With wet shirtless Draco, paint-covered Harry, and Proust-reading Goyle.

Transformation by amalin (E, 98k)

In Harry's sixth year at Hogwarts, he must face the consequences of the attack on the Department of Mysteries and the effects of Voldemort's return. And in doing so, he finds that even your enemies can teach you valuable lessons—about the world, and about yourself.

Walking the Line by SilentAuror (E, 179k)

Sixth year is over and Draco Malfoy is on the run. The war is on and an unwanted assignment is forced upon him by the only people he trusts - and a one-time arch-enemy just may be out to kill him.

Post-Hogwarts

Adagio in G Minor by furiosity (NC-17, 18k)

Seven years after Hogwarts and the war, life continues in the wizarding world. Draco Malfoy is rich, bored, and slightly jaded. Harry Potter is famous, busy, and somewhat disillusioned. They've not seen each other since school ended. What would happen if they were to cross paths again? What if it involved music?

Big Dick, Come Quick [PDF] by Calanthe (NC-17, 204k)

Draco’s got a theory. About sex. And after much searching for the right candidate, it appears that only Harry Potter, his life long enemy, can help him test it out.

Draco's Escort Service by Cheryl Dyson/dysonrules (15, 12k)

Draco's job is to escort travelers through the dangerous, war-torn countryside. Harry Potter is forced to hire him, but his destination isn't quite what Draco expected.

Left My Heart by Emma Grant (E, 85k)

Auror Draco Malfoy has disappeared, and Harry Potter has been sent to San Francisco to find him. 

Malfoy, P.I. by Nancy (R, 60k)

"I'm Draco Malfoy, private investigator. I've seen a lot--I mean a lot, and I'm like sweet seventeen a lot. I thought I'd seen it all, until a pair of green eyes stepped into my office." A noir AU set in L.A. where passion and magic collide. Slashy and sexy.

Queen of Hearts by scoradh (E, 65k)

A spectre is haunting Harry - the responsibility of his destiny. It looms over his future and, more importantly, over the future of his friends. Harry is determined to exorcise this spectre for the greater good, but on the way, he enters into a few unholy alliances.

Tissue of Silver by fearlessdiva (R, 76k)

A love story concerning possessed furniture, black silk pyjamas, courtroom drama, premonitions of doom, assassination attempts, Death Eater yoga, absinthe, bare feet and a sensible werewolf.

Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow by November Snowflake (M, 58k)

When the long-missing Draco Malfoy turns up at a Ministry field hospital with amnesia, bitter Auror Harry Potter must confront the shadows of their shared past to shed light on a potentially deadly mystery.

Transfigurations by Resonant (E, 71k)

Five years after Voldemort's defeat, Harry returns to England to help re-open Hogwarts.

[nomsfaultau]

thank you so much for writing mandatory family reunion. i just reread it for the eighth time. i think im going to dedicate my life to life to reading your other sbi fics until you update again. also; do you have any tips for committing to fics and not leaving them half-finished?

ahhhh that’s so sweet glad you enjoyed! As for writing fics, having it be your special interest really helps. But for more general advice on finishing:

-Don’t stick to just one story. Which seems counter intuitive! But inevitably you’re going to hit a snag in one story. So instead of stopping writing at all, switch projects. Writing involves a whole bunch of thinking, and stuff needs time to percolate in the back of your head. But having a small project to work on in the mean time keeps you engaged in the writing process, gives you practice, makes you feel like you’re making progress, and allows time to work out the other story. I personally have 1-2 main projects, Fault and MFR, and then rotate a couple back burner stories that I work on whenever I get inspiration and fully expect to have very slow progress and possibly never finish. Short stories, one shots, hell even just writing little one off scenes that don’t go anywhere. It’s a way to keep writing fun and thus you’re more likely to continue working on the stuff you’re trying to complete. Don’t feel bad if there’s breaks between working on your main project. Writing involves a lot of thinking and it takes time to do that.

-Devoting time to do that thinking also significantly helps. When you’re falling asleep can be a good time to rotate stories in your head. Could also be if you’re walking from place to place, or brushing your teeth, or other little gaps in the day. Even if you’re not physically writing, it’s still part of the process and can make it easier when you actually sit down to write because you know what scene you’re most excited to work on. Also, talking over your story idea with a friend is a great way to stay motivated if you can get over the mortifying ordeal of being known. You can bounce ideas off them, and other people’s investment in a project can be a great motivator to finish. Like legit a single ao3 comment once stopped me from my plan to abandon a fic. Reminding yourself why you (and other people) like the story makes it easier to want to continue.

-Keeping a rough outline of what you envision for the story can give you a road map to how close to done you are and where to go next. Just like you can hop between projects, I find jumping around the plot time line to write what scene I’m most interested in atm keeps me going instead of writing everything in order. Though, all writers have different degrees of plot planning, so that depends on your style.

-Art! I’m an artist, and while writing definitely fuels what I draw, I find doodling cool scenes I want to write really inspires me to keep going. This sorta falls under the same category of continuing to think about the story and motivating you to finish. -I found keeping a writing journal has improved how I view my writing. Basically, I’ll jot down a bullet point list of scenes worked on that week/month. Writing is a very slow process, so seeing a timeline of actual progression on a story makes it feel like I’m actually getting more out of my head and onto paper. I also jot down what ideas for scenes I came up with since that’s also part of writing, and might include a chill no stakes writing goal for that period, like work on X or Y project, or a particular scene. Sometimes my goal is just ‘write at least one sentence’. I give it lots of leeway, and accept that the muse may just be somewhere else that week. And if the goal isn’t met, no sweat! Life can get busy at times and it’s more important that you aren’t beating yourself up if it’s been awhile since you last touched a project. Forcing yourself to write a scene that isn’t ready won’t result in a good scene or an happy writer. Switch projects, give yourself time to think about it, take care of yourself, etc.

And, legitimately, don’t be afraid to abandon a piece. Maybe you’ll come back to it, maybe you won’t. It can feel disheartening to feel like you can’t seem to finish a project, but unfinished pieces also do a lot for you: they hone your craft, allow you a creative outlet, give you scenes that could potentially be reworked for later pieces, and most importantly were hopefully fun to write! Story crafting is a hobby that should bring you joy, not frustration and shame.

Like, I have stories that will never see the light of day and are just so I can have fun and poke it with a stick occasionally. I’m 100% confident in saying that every author will have tenfold the number of unfinished wips compared to complete works. That’s just part of the creative process: exploring different worlds to find the one you want to write.

Perhaps a fic might never get finished, but in the wise words of Technoblade: “if you enjoy it, it’s not time wasted, no?”

(Now, I think he was talking about murdering people, but the point still stands.)

[whentherewerebicycles]

very nice day today! I did a better job of capping his naps and also cut out the pre-bed nap entirely as an experiment. so I’m hoping that will help him sleep later in the morning. we shall see! I got some writing done during his morning nap and then spent some time journaling about why writing has been so tough for me the last couple years. I think sometimes I reread some of the stories I’m really proud of and it freaks me out because I can’t remember how I did it and I don’t have confidence I’ll ever be able to write at that level again. I think that instead of reading the polished works I probably need to go back and read some of my super shitty first drafts as a way of reminding myself that the best things I’ve written didn’t start that way but became slowly better through multiple rounds of revision. and I like revising so much more than writing! so I just need to find ways to force myself through that first “this is so bad this is so cringy this is so flat and pointless and badly characterized” stage of drafting so I can get to the place where I start making the work actually good. it’s like the most clichéd realization about writing ever I know lol but I gotta keep saying it until I actually realize it for real! I need to be fearless about sucking so I can finally get back to the point where it doesn’t suck anymore.

[studentbyday]

week 12/14

sometimes trying to keep up with school and trying to improve your health and be a better person (and seeing slow progress in every domain) makes you feel like this... i've been here before and it took a long, long time to get out. i thought i outgrew it/learned from it, so i would never have to experience it again, but here we are once more 🤷🏻‍♀️ either the challenges got more challenging as i grew older or i have not learned my lesson. i don't know. maybe it's a bit of both... (as in i improved just enough to get comfortable, then comfortable led to relapse when things got harder and i didn't adapt. i think i must've improved somewhat tho bc on the whole, it's not as bad as it once was... this is my sign to keep trying.)

📈 study stats (50-60/10/30):

M: 🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅 T: 🍅🍅🍅 W: 🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅 Th: 🍅🍅🍅🍅 F: 🍅🍅🍅🍅 S: 🍅🍅

🎒 school:

mol bio section 5-7 ✅✅✅

mol bio quizzes (M, F/S) ✅✅

mol bio asst (T-Th) ✅

mol bio lecture 3 (last week) ✅

mol bio lecture 1-3 + overview (this week) ✅✅✅✅

mol bio: FIGURE OUT THE 2 QUESTIONS FROM LAST WEEK'S LECTURE ✅

biochem section 4 ✅

finish biochem paper + reflection (T) ✅

biochem discussion post (F) ✅

psyc ch 2-3 (last week) ✅✅

REVIEW FOR PSYC EXAM (weeks 1-2, 2 weeks per day) (guess who relapsed into rereading her notes? 🙋🏻‍♀️ but since i might not take another psyc course after this, idrc. i still plan to review actively for mol bio and biochem tho cuz that's what i really care about. and i might do some re-organizing of my psyc notes cuz they're a mess and i hate how the learning and memory notes are scattered and how my notes on diff chapters repeat themselves at times bc the chapters repeated themselves, etc.) ✅

psyc lab (end of week) ✅

psyc ch 1-2 + overview (this week)

review for biochem exam (hopefully)

review for mol bio exam (hopefully)

🩺 self-care:

no phone first thing in the morning ✅✅✅✅

water goal 💧🥲

VACUUM ON THE LONG 🍅 BREAK ✅

clean bathroom

LAUNDRY ✅

meditate ✅✅

journal ✅✅

physio exercises ✅✅✅✅✅✅

outside!!! 🌲 (why: it's been a while and the air was so fresh one night, the sharp smell of pine and laundry soap, i wanted to cry it was so beautiful)

[fictionadventurer]

Fortnight of Books: Day 1

Overall - best books read in 2023?

Of new-to-me books, the standouts of my year include (in rough chronological order of when I read them):

Endurance by Alfred Lansing: Thrilling and harrowing account of Shackleton's South Pole expedition. It made me very grateful as I went through my day-to-day life--no matter how bad things were, at least I had eaten things that weren't seal meat.

Daisy Miller and Washington Square by Henry James: Short, sad little novellas that drew me in with their compassionate realism and added a new name to my list of favorite classic authors.

A Field Guide to Mermaids by Emily B. Martin: Beautifully illustrated book that provides a detailed world of mermaid species and provides lots of interesting facts about the natural world. Child me would have loved this.

Mary Barton by Elizabeth Gaskell: I hated the ending, and the structure was very weird, but this was a look at a side of Victorian London I rarely see in literature, with some great characters and a really interesting dive into the issues in the background of North and South.

Team of Rivals by Doris Kearns Goodwin: It gave me an obsession with Lincoln's Cabinet. I still sometimes stop and think, "I need to read about some Seward shenanigans."

Destiny of the Republic by Candice Millard: Extremely readable history book that provided a lot of food for my obsession with James Garfield's and Chester Arthur's presidencies.

The Q by Beth Brower: Victorian Ruritanian fiction about a female newspaper tycoon that has a murky plot but also one of my favorite romantic couples of the year, one of the best tributes to autumn I've read, and most importantly (the real reason it's on this list), introduced me to the author of my favorite series of the year (more below).

Desire and The Good Comrade by Una L. Silsberrad: Forgotten turn-of-the-century women's fiction with some great female leads trying to find a place in society. Desire is a bit more literary while The Good Comrade is a bit more fun, but both were just the type of story that tends to make my list of favorites.

The Romance of a Shop by Amy Levy: Fun sister story with some fun romances. Very easy to read and provided a fascinating look at the world of Victorian photography.

The Law and the Lady by Wilkie Collins: I was so invested in the main character, a woman who would overcome anything that tried to stop her from helping her husband.

The Heir of Redclyffe by Charlotte Mary Yonge: The prose is dense and the author's too preachy, but this had some of my favorite characters of the year (Charles Edmonstone my beloved).

Best series you discovered in 2023?

The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion. If it weren't for this question, it would be at the top spot in the last list. They hit so many sweet spots for my perfect comfort read--Victorian England, memorable characters, lightly fantastical setting, fun narrative voice, friendships and comedy and heartbreak and literature and just so much fun.

Best reread of the year?

Definitely The Lord of the Rings. I had liked the series after my first read, but my appreciation was mostly bolstered by the fact that I'm surrounded by a huge fandom for it. This year's reread made me truly appreciate it for the masterwork it is and made it a cornerstone of my interior life.

If it weren't for that, this spot would go to A Christmas Carol, because I was shocked to find that it really is good enough to earn its dominant place in pop culture. The descriptions of Christmas are some of the best things in literature.

[whatwouldmickeydo]

Tag game yay! 🩷✨ Thank you for tagging me my sweet toaster strudel @gardenerian 😘

Name: Leah

Location: On my bed

Astrological sign:

What's a TV show or movie you plan to re-watch this year?: The Princess Bride probably

Whats a book or fic you will probably re-read this year?: I think it might be time to do a reread of The First Law trilogy by Joe Abercrombie. For fics, I have no doubt I will be rereading Like Real People Do because I’m a sucker and a simp for that fic

What is a song you will likely continue to play on repeat?: idk, something from the Shrek soundtrack probably

What's a tasty treat you look forward to eating more of this year?: wedding cake 😋

What's a time sink that you will continue to sink time into this year?: hopefully art! I was doing pretty well with practicing my watercolor skills and I’d really like to actually get better at it

Did you pick up any habits in 2023 that you plan to continue?: would actually being somewhat politically active be a habit? Because I’d like to continue that

What's your toxic trait?: Ragingly bad negative self talk (yet somehow I can hype my friends up until I’m hoarse 🤷🏻‍♀️ …perhaps I can focus that inward this year 😅🤞🏼) also I hold grudges for too long probably 👯‍♀️

What is a coping mechanism you will continue to indulge in this year?: Perhaps start rather than continue? But I started writing in a journal on Jan 1st and I am really enjoying the act of adding to it and actually putting stuff in there, even if it’s just a sticker ☺️

Tell me something you like about how you look!: Hmm, I like my eyes. And I think I got some cute outfits sometimes 💃🏻👗

Give me at least three adjectives describing things you like about yourself: Adventurous, silly, supportive

Tagging a bunch of ducklings @heymrspatel @gallawitchxx @metalheadmickey @howlinchickhowl @whatthebodygraspsnot @creepkinginc @rereadanon @abundanceofnots @sluttymickey @sleepyfacetoughguy @thisdivorce @thisfeebleheart @7x10mickey @energievie @crossmydna @self-absorbed-pretty-boy

[coyotepawsteps]

my genderqueer autistic ass having an epiphany about my general dislike for vcing (voice chatting) while in the middle of watching neurodivergent & queer tiktok compilations

usually i’m pretty okay with & prefer being in vcs with people who talk while i stay muted, and most of the time i just say that i “don’t really like talking in vcs” without elaborating on that too much but like. i’m gonna spend some time using tumblr as a way to put actual words to a lot of the deeper reasons for this feeling that i’m starting to notice! bc who am i if not a little autistic creature who wants to infodump to people except it’s a lot more comfortable to do so using a platform that feels more like a personal journal than a social media site!! i write all this for myself but i also want it to be in a space where other people can see it, relate to it, share their own experiences, etc.!

(and, with that mention of people sharing their own experiences, please feel free to reply to or reblog this with some of your own thoughts or experiences on this topic, because i’m genuinely curious how other people feel about this kind of thing!!)

i feel insecure about the way i perceive my voice as “too feminine”, i want to present online as a vague gender-fucky creature most of the time but i feel like people hearing my voice will ruin that kind of presentation. after listening to some of those “this is my voice [timeframe] on t” clips, i kinda realized that if my voice was deeper — something more neutral, or vaguely “boyish” but not exactly — this specific bullet point wouldn’t be much of a problem anymore

again a point specifically about my voice itself — i don’t think that i can really regulate the..i guess emotion in my voice? sometimes i speak completely flat monotone, sometimes i feel like i talk in a tone that doesn’t properly convey my current emotions or fit the situation, sometimes i feel like i can be way too hyper-expressive especially when i’m like. feeling really positively, like if i’m happy or excited or laughing at something. i also feel like i talk more high pitched in those latter situations which doesn’t help with the vocal-based gender dysphoria

i frequently describe myself as socially awkward. i am kinda bad when it comes to having conversations with people. there isn’t really any time at all to like, properly process what the other person has said & then reply to it accordingly while having vocal conversations, most of the time you just gotta wing it and hope you get it right. texting is a lot easier for me because then i do have that time to process what was said, and think of how to respond to it, and i have time to reread my response (and change it if need be) before sending it

this is something that i do sometimes mention in my original “i just don’t like talking in vcs” statement to people (just not with this much level of detail & explanation to it) — i feel like i express myself a lot better through writing/texting/messaging than i do speaking. ties in a lot with my emotional regulation/tone of voice bullet point; i express emotions a lot better through textual means. if i’m particularly hyper or expressing strong emotions like anger, excitement, joy, etc. then i usually write in all-caps and type fast enough that i make frequent typos. same thing for if i’m laughing at/about something i find really funny, plus with an add-on of keysmashing (there’s no good vocal equivalent to a really good keysmash). emojis and/or emoticons are really nice to use for conveying emotion wordlessly (some personal usage examples: 😭 for laughing or sometimes genuine sadness/upset depending on the situation; 😂 is also good for laughing/amusement [although i go through cycles of how often i actually use it; some times it’ll often be the only emoji i use for laughing, others i use the sobbing one a lot more and almost never touch this one, and others i rely more on text emoticons or abbreviations]; my most common emoticons are xD, :D, :), and :( with some variations depending on circumstance [e.g. >:) for a more “devilish”/mischievous use]; and, though they aren’t exactly emojis or emoticons, i frequently use abbreviations like “lmao” and “lol” interchangeably with them, with lmao being for actual strong amusement and lol being like a more toned-down “ha ha” kinda thing.) there is, of course, also the bonus of tone-tags being an option in textual conversation, although i don’t tend to use them too frequently unless i’m aware that something i’m saying could be taken in the wrong way by the other person (e.g. if i’m saying something i really mean, i won’t really use tone-tags for it, like if i’m telling a friend “i like playing games with you”; but if i’m joking around with someone while using a flat tone — like a message without any emoji usage, caps, purposeful typos, etc. — i will usually use tone-tags there, for example “i hate you so much /j”)

[yellowmagicalgirl]

YellowMagicalGirl's Battleship 2024 Fics

Instead of daily posts, I'm just going to give you links to all of them here. Note that you are required to have an AO3 account to view these. (If you don't, and you really like one of the premises, send me an ask and I'll upload the fic to SquidgeWorld so you can read it. I'm just low on spoons right now and don't feel like doing a lot of crossposting.)

I'm gonna sort these alphabetically by fandom and then by date posted. All of these are oneshots.

Eberron

I Don't Mind if You Say This Love is the Last Time (1040 words) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Characters: Thora Tavin Additional Tags: Implied/Referenced Forced Marriage, Pre-Canon, (more specifically pre-Thora joining the Dark Lanterns), Aromantic, Asexual Character, Aromantic Thora Tavin (Eberron), Asexual Thora Tavin (Eberron), Social Season, debutantes, Angst, Epistolary, Diary/Journal, Title from a Breaking Benjamin Song, (because how could I not use "Diary of Jane" for a diary entry fic) Summary: Before she was a gang leader in Sharn or a superspy in a King's Citadel suicide squad, Thora Tavin was an unhappy debutante.

kiss like real people (849 words) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Thora Tavin/Original Female Character(s) Characters: Thora Tavin, Original Female Character(s), Original Elf Character(s) (Dungeons & Dragons) Additional Tags: Mild Injury, Background Character Death, Mild Dehumanization, Anti-Aberrant Dragonmark Prejudice, Pre-Canon, (Specifically this is set around 990 YK), First Kiss, Kissing to hide from bad guys, Kissing in the Rain, Pre-Relationship, POV Third Person Limited, POV Thora Tavin (Eberron), Title from a Hozier Song, Rated T for swearing, It's the mildest of T ratings but on rereading I realized it was better as a T than a G Summary: When fleeing the Dark Lanterns, sometimes unconventional means of escape need to be taken.

First Kill

Juliette should have considered the tensile strength of the pillow. (635 words) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Calliope Burns/Juliette Fairmont Characters: Calliope Burns (First Kill), Juliette Fairmont Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Soil Scientist, Alternate Universe - Elinor Doesn't Go to Jail (First Kill), (whether or not the Fairmonts are vampires is up to the reader), Domestic Fluff, Pillow Fights, POV Calliope Burns (First Kill), POV Third Person Limited, Recursive fanfic Summary: An expansion upon the pillow fight from "Cal should have asked what a grass filter strip was." (Aka recursive fanfic of a fic I received for Battleship last year.)

Khyber Shards

all the comrades that e'er I had (1175 words) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Characters: Daine (Khyber Shards), Background & Cameo Characters Additional Tags: Despair, Drinking to Cope, Grief/Mourning, The Age of Cul'Sir (Khyber Shards), This takes place halfway through the timeskip, Post-Apocalypse, Daine-centric (Khyber Shards), POV Daine (Khyber Shards), Wine, Experimental Style, No Dialogue, Title from The Parting Glass, Title from a Traditional Scottish Song, past canonical character death, Campaign Setting: Eberron (Dungeons & Dragons) Summary: On the thirteenth anniversary of the signing of the Treaty of Thronehold, Daine mourns.

Your Bones an Effigy to Quixotic Hubris (1939 words) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death Relationships: Stryke Force & Thora Tavin, Daine & Thora Tavin (Khyber Shards) Characters: Thora Tavin (Khyber Shards), Original Stormreach Guard (Khyber Shards), Daine (Khyber Shards), Shade (Khyber Shards), Background & Cameo Characters Additional Tags: Torture, Broken Bones, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Post-Episode: e166 The Maker, Canon Disabled Character, Whump, Despair, Guilt, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, POV Third Person Limited, POV Thora Tavin (Khyber Shards) Summary: Thora was captured when searching Yorrick Amanatu's office. She knows that no one is coming for her.

Sun's Still Shining (776 words) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Shade/Unnadavari "Ari" Smith Characters: Shade (Khyber Shards), Unnadavari "Ari" Smith Additional Tags: Implied/Referenced Anti-Aberrant Discrimination, Past Violence, Post-Canon, Romantic Fluff, Rain, Campaign Setting: Eberron (Dungeons & Dragons), Gratituous Potshots at the Ordning, Mild Angst, Established Relationship, marriage superstitions, Last-Minute Wedding Planning, No Beta We Die Like the Warden of Dreadhold, Kitsune no Yomeiri Summary: The morning before Shade and Ari's wedding, it starts to rain.

Leverage

Flower on Your Head (353 words) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Alec Hardison & Eliot Spencer, Eliot Spencer & Original Child Character Characters: Eliot Spencer (Leverage), Alec Hardison Additional Tags: Flower Crowns, Implied/Refrenced Prank War Summary: A client gifted Eliot a flower crown.

The Locked Tomb

Dominicus is a Flower that Blooms For Only One Hour (623 words) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Camilla Hect/Dulcinea Septimus/Palamedes Sextus Characters: Dulcinea Septimus, Background & Cameo Characters Additional Tags: Canon-Typical Terminal Illness, Blood, coughing up blood, Pre-Gideon the Ninth (Locked Tomb Series), Post-The Mysterious Study of Doctor Sex (Locked Tomb Series), Alternate Universe - All of Summer in a Day Fusion, If only my language arts teachers could see me now, deliberately referencing a short story I hated for the sake of a fanfic competition, Pre-Relationship, Cultural Differences, Epistolary Summary: Dulcinea continues her correspondence with Cam and Pal, and she thinks about the light that comes only once every seven years.

Original Fiction

inky tendrils battering away nail polish (893 words) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Desperate Superhero Whose Life is in Danger/Supervillain He Reluctantly Goes to for Help, Original Superhero/Original Supervillain, Original Male Character/Original Male Character Characters: Original Superhero Character, Original Supervillain Character(s), Original Male Character(s) Additional Tags: Magical Illness, Fever, Respiratory Illness, Superheroes, Supervillains, Pre-Relationship, Enemies to Lovers, Angst, Nail Polish, Soulmates, Noticeably Unwell Character, (Guess which tags were still on the board when I started writing this 😅), POV Original Male Character, POV Third Person, Ambiguous/Open Ending Summary: Marcus can't afford to hide himself from his soulmate any more.

Star Trek: Strange New Worlds

A Cat-astrophic Away Mission (545 words) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Characters: Erica Ortegas, Background & Cameo Characters Additional Tags: Post-Season/Series 02, Animal Transformation, Character as Cat, happy ending implied, My First Work in This Fandom, Hair care Summary: Erica can't help but feel she has the worst luck with away missions.

[copperbadge]

Hey Sam! I’ve been rereading some of your older MCU pieces (and leaving more kudos when able) and I wanted to tell you specifically how much I love Exclusive. Love a good outsider perspective, the perfect long-form journalism pastiche, and the delightful twist at the end. Thanks again for your writing!

Aw, thank you! (And thanks for the kudos!) I had a ton of fun with Exclusive -- I love a good outsider POV as well, and it's a good chance to practice....I'm not even sure how to put it, because the author is not an unreliable narrator exactly, but he doesn't have the full story so he sometimes comes off as unreliable because we know more than he does. Unreliable narrators fascinate me and I'm very bad at them, so any chance to give it a swing.

And the twist ending is one of the few times I've ever been able to pull off a surprise like that -- I'm constantly delighted by peoples' reactions to it!

[specterthief]

12, 17, 30!

✍️ more fic writer asks!

12. a trope you’re really into right now

playing smtv again has slam dunked me right back into being really really into bodysharing to the point that i currently just have... the entire tag sitting open in a tab on ao3 to look for inspo so i guess i'll give it to that at the moment

17. talk about your writing and editing process

open scrivener

become possessed by unearthly forces

spellcheck probably

no but actually i do do a bit more outlining and editing regularly these days, though still not very much on my average fics. a lot of stuff i write is pretty stream of consciousness, especially the stuff i actually finish, but i'm making an effort to be a bit more structured so i'll usually try and at least bullet point my rough ideas and do one or two editing passes at the end for continuity mistakes/phrasing/etc. i also edit stuff after it's uploaded more often than i'd like to admit, i reread my own work a lot and sometimes like three months later i'll be like "wow that sentence sucked" and rewrite it then

sometimes i still just toss whatever happened when the demons took hold of me on ao3 though

20. in what year did you publish your first fic?

i think the first ever fic i published publicly online was in uhhhhhhh. i want to say 2008? i wrote a lot before that and shared with friends through private journals etc but i think that was when i first posted something out in the wild that was just fic rather than roleplay. if i am remembering correctly which story was first it was pokemon gijinka fic and it was very bad 👍

[bookmark-extraordinaire]

Genuine question, is journaling considered a good coping mechanism?

I’ve been dealing with some Emotions Trademark the past few months, and when they feel too overwhelming I just jot them down really quickly in my sketchbooks and write until I feel better. The thing is, sometimes I write especially heinous things, both about myself and the people around me and it makes me feel like utter shit. Like “how can you consider yourself a decent human being if you feel like this” utter shit.

I feel somewhat better after a good journaling session, so maybe it’s not a bad thing? I can’t let these feeling fester inside me and poison everything I do… Still tho… it’s hard not to feel like a horrible person after I reread what I write…

[crazyexdirkfriend]

homestuck has always been a character driven story, though. you can’t expect people to automatically be chill with characters suddenly representing a more thematic purpose when, up until that point, homestuck has largely been mostly a series of character studies. as if in order to have a characters story be thematic you can’t keep their characterization in tact. presenting critique of the epilogues as if it’s just people being upset their faves didn’t get happy endings or the right characters didn’t kiss is. super disingenuous. they’re just badly written man.

Hi! So, Homestuck is obviously character driven in many ways because it has a metric shit ton of characters (there's bound to be one or a set that appeal to everyone) and the characters are the heart of the story. For most people, engaging and interesting characters are why they read a story. And that's absolutely fine- but it doesn't mean every story is written that way, and every other manner of writing or reading story is incorrect or bad.

So you don't like the epilogues. That's absolutely fair! There's plenty of reasons to not like the epilogues-- such as how it was handled by staff, or elements that were offensive or improperly tagged. But I would like to say that's clearly not what I'm talking about. I'm talking specifically about a not HS-specific notion that character supersedes theme. (You know, like modernised myths that completely ruin the actual meaning of the original text because no attention was paid to theme or purpose)

Like I said, I'm posing a question in order for you to critically examine why. Is it that X, or is it that Y. And you know- it's perfectly fine for you to critically examine your feelings and still go "yeah no canon sucks, I could do it better." Because some people could do better- and sometimes canon sucks. For example, I personally have decided that HS2 canon DOES actually just suck for naming that poor child THAT.

But some people will critically examine why they hate something and think "Actually, Hussie doesn't hate Jake. Jake is a fictional character and I don't like what happened to him, but that doesn't mean that Hussie baited us into liking him and then deliberately gave him a shitty story because he hates Jake and he hates us too." (If anything, I would argue that narrative manipulation points to Hussie baiting people to DISLIKE Jake to bait and switch them, but that's another story.)

And I'm not sitting here saying "the epilogues are perfect and great and everyone who hates them is or thinks they're bad is wrong." I'm not self centered enough to believe that when over half the fandom had a mass exodus after the release and I probably would have joined them if my circumstances at the time were different. The epilogues are a desperately unpleasant read, one I very much struggle with every time I have to reread parts of them before writing something new. Like I said, most people read stories for characters or interesting plots, and it is desperately unpleasant for your favourite character to become a pseudo-philandering self-harming alcoholic who is sexually assaulted and domestically abused and is forced to defecate himself on stage. That's not what I would have written. But, I also don't view it as out of character.

BUT, I do think it's not the right take either to think that HS hasn't always been thematic, deconstruction of the nature of form, playing with narrative manipulation. HS breaks the fourth wall, uses intertextuality, epic narrative form, breaking the actual structure of the website, gameplay, animation etc etc etc. All of those things were so important in making HS what it was. My OG thesis pitch was on narrative manipulation in HS back in 2017-- literally not dissimilar at all to narrative text as God and how that manipulates a reader discussions in the epilogues. Academic journals have been written on how HS uses form to tell its own story. All of those things are as fundamental to HS in my opinion as the idea that it's a story about kids and growing up. The latter is the reason why we LOVE HS. But the former is the reason why it's so important as a seminal text. There's any amount of great stories about kids and growing up-- but they're not HS.

HS could have never had a continuation beyond opening the door unless Hussie wanted to deconstruct the form and the narrative itself, and the concept of endings. HS as a web comic structure in a liminal space ends when the door is open. Now, a very good argument can be made here for "ok then there shouldn't have been an epilogue." I actually don't disagree with that. I think one of the best things Hussie could have done would have been to allow a few more lilypad conversations and have HS finish dead the second the door opens. But it didn't-- and HS could have never had a happy, neat epilogue and have everyone agree on a vision.

On the subject about HS being a story about kids and growing up, HS also says real people don't have character arcs. It's a pretty clear reason as to why everything wasn't tied up neatly at the end of HS proper, and it's a pretty clear reason for most of the epilogues. Recovery isn't linear. Sometimes people grow up wrong. Real people don't have character arcs.

We think of story largely in character arcs so we think-- Dirk always wanted to be a good person, so his arc should be him becoming a good person. Not that Dirk tries so so so hard to be a good person, so hard and it still doesn't make him happy. It still doesn't get him where he wants to be. He's never ever going to be good enough to feel redeemed-- oh and btw, he's literally in a story that's ending, it's falling apart, and he's so so so scared to not exist. He's more scared of that than he is of being a bad person. Is that desperately unpleasant? Of course. Is it out of character? No. It's just not what anyone focusing on a solely character driven story would necessarily do. It requires deconstructing the narrative and then going, what would this guy do next now. Character and theme and narrative and form all have a symbiotic relationship. It's meat and candy.

HS isn't just character driven. But that's just what most of us (MYSELF INCLUDED) care about. And that's not wrong, that's not bad, that's not some terrible flaw in recognising one's self in the other. In fact it's the logical reading of a text you love. But you actually miss a huge chunk of what makes HS so special if you're only looking at the characters and their interactions and arcs. You miss a lot of what makes a lot of stories so interesting. It also makes it a lot harder to not become disillusioned when stories get difficult or disappointing or unpleasant. But I wouldn't still be here if I didn't think parts of recent HS were worth investigating and analysing.

(Also just for transparency: my original post wasn't actually about the epilogues, though considering my subsequent and previous post I entirely understand that it's been read that way. I saw art on my dash by a meta poster I remember from 2018 who got a lot of stick at the time for thematic analysis. Including from myself. And I was considering whether or not that was unfair. Because a character can thematically represent something that they are not, in actuality. Things can happen to a character that represent something else. Freudian analysis if you will. And if I wasn't caught up in being outraged that he'd said something sticky about one of my favourite characters, something that did not happen in the text, then maybe I would have been able to engage with it on a more in depth level. And I annoyingly missed the opportunity to investigate it in my HS thesis in 2019 because of my own hubris.)

Anyway I'm a realish person and I don't have a character arc but I do grow up in weird ways that would make younger me desperately uncomfortable. I think that's a theme in itself.

[jeonqkooks]

Ofc we still want to read your stuff! I've reread Strictly Platonic so many times, its such a comfort fic for me. And I love OBS and can't wait for more of that story to unfold. Also you definitely do not suck at writing smut fwiw, but I am also happy to read a fic without it if you feel like you need a break from writing it.

What are you feeling like writing lately? There are lots of summaries of your WIPs on your ML that sound so interesting, but not sure what's most recently inspiring you. I just love the way you develop your characters and how you write angst especially, I always feel the pain in your fics so deep in my heart.

:(( honestly i have a really bad habit that i think often facilitates my own downward spiral. whenever i’m stumped, i don’t turn to myself or my past fics for inspo but i look at other people and then i start comparing myself to them and think “why can’t i write like that” and it just makes it so much worse 🥴 i have a specific list of writers whose fics i would reread whenever i’m in a block and now that i’m in another fandom, the list doubled in size and it’s just a whole thing askdhfkdl

the past few months i’ve been posting a lot of short, fluffy-ish drabbles over at @withleeknow but now i want to get back into writing stuff with more substance. thank you for mentioning the angst 🥺 i personally think that’s what i’m the most decent at writing. sometimes when i’m feeling emo i don’t even write it down in a journal, i just open a fic doc and pour it all out there so i guess a lot of the stuff you see in my fics comes directly from me and not as something written just for the characters yk :))

a lot of the unpublished fics that you see on my mlist are partially written, idk why i just never got around to finishing them. but i’m trying to go through them one by one bc i don’t want to abandon them, and also to try and pump some life back into the blog maybe

idek if this makes sense but yeah that’s kinda where we are rn. thank you for the message i appreciate it 🥺

[never-not-ever]

Last update was about a week ago. Sometimes I feel like what’s the point in posting these but then I remember how down the road I like looking back and rereading these. Although sometimes it’s triggering, but other times it’s like damn I’ve come far from that dark place.

I still journal and actually just wrote up an entry. It was a long one and I guess I can just use that to look back on but it’s easier and faster to type.

So that week were my doctor put me on that 3-11 1:1 I was on it for 3 days, Tues-Thurs. I came off it Friday and it was my doctors last day before her 2-fucking-week vacation. She’s back the day after Christmas and I wonder if I’ll still be here.

This past week I had this covering doctor who is a lot. He’s annoying in the sense that he interrupts me, writes up things in my notes like “feels tired this morning, doesn't think it's the trazodone this morning, but is worried that trazodone can / did make her tired this morning (self-contradicts herself)” and “inconsistency in statements” like so what if I said I didn’t think it made me tired but maybe now that I think of it maybe it did? And then that inconsistency thing is cause I said that I wouldn’t kill my self when I discharge cause I don’t want to hurt my grandmother like that and he said “well aren’t you hurting her by being in here and hurting yourself?”…

I miss my old doctor and now my social worker is out on vacation this week. I mean as annoying as this new doctor is he is somewhat helpful cause he’s all about problem solving and skills. Wait.. am I just contradicting myself again…

This past week he said some comments how my self harm is less severe cause I was punching the ground and not cutting my skin open. He also said on Monday “let’s be honest you’re probably going to hurt yourself later, so let’s focus on going to staff beforehand”. That part pissed me off, like don’t take away my control, don’t decide for me. I make the decision not you. And then that “less severe” comment pushed me over the edge and I ended up doing the later instead of punching the ground. Don’t get me wrong, I take full accountability of my actions. I am not blaming anyone for “well that’s why I self harmed”. No. Peoples words effect my thoughts and urges but ultimately it’s my choice to self harm or not and it’s no one’s fault but my own.

So because of the “later” he reinstated that 3-11 1:1 this past Thursday with the plan to keep it through the weekend. Every week for the past few weeks I keep saying I want to leave this week. On Monday, when I first met with him I asked “can I leave this Friday” and he replied that it “was possible but let’s see how the week goes”. Then I landed myself on that 1:1 so obviously I didn’t leave yesterday.

But during my team meeting yesterday I brought this brilliant idea to the table. I said to them how, as it’s been said multiple times, I’m just going in circles. I self harm, get put back on a 1:1, think “well it’s not that bad at least it’s not 24 hours”, stop self harming to get off it, last a few days, self harm again and then the cycle repeats itself. I hate that I have to say this but ultimately a 24 hour 1:1 is the thing that will prevent me from ever self harming again in here (well maybe… and I’ll get to that part later). Especially since my social worker said that the next 1:1 will be all belongings taken away. So my idea was take me off this 3-11 1:1 and I���ll know that if I self harm again I’ll go right back on it and 24 hours. He liked this plan and asked me how long the 24 hour 1:1 would be and k said I don’t know, it doesn’t matter cause it’s not going to happen. He still wanted me to give an answer and so I said a week. And to make sure I’m not being sneaky and self harming but not telling staff I said I will do arm checks each night to prove it. Even though it was my idea I hated it but I know it’ll prevent me from doing anything.

Now the maybe part- which I just thought of today… Wait, I did end up getting my idea approved so no more 1:1. And also I told them how I wanted to start proving to them I can be safe because if I get covid I want to be able to say “look at all these days I’ve been self harm free, now let me discharge now because I am NOT isolating myself after I just started being social”. There’s been two cases of covid this past week. We all tested again this morning. I’ll get my results tonight and I swear to god if it’s positive I don’t know what I’m going to do.

Back to that “maybe” part. I was thinking earlier how if the people I’m social with were to discharge before me there would be no reason to care about going back on the 1:1 which sounds horrible but like I said, I’ve been more social and it’s been great but like I still feel incredibly hopeless about my future. I still know that the self harm and drinking is going to start right back up when I get home, my SI is getting worse even though I’m swearing I won’t do anything. Like it’s not enough to keep me here especially if the self harm stops. Then again my reasoning to not self harm is to be able to discharge asap if I test positive. Not really to continue to be social. Ughh I feel like I’m making no sense and maybe this covering doctor is right and I’m just self contradicting myself…

My roommate discharged last Wednesday and I miss her so much but I still have this other girl that I’m close with here. We have a group chat and once we leave we’re all planning to hang out. Then there’s this guy… oh god.. I don’t even know where to begin or how much to share. He’s been here a week and I think we started including him in our card games his first night. He was and still is so mysterious. If looks could kill… That first night I started giving sarcasm right back to him and my two friends here said in the group chat that they think he likes me. I didn’t believe it cause 1) I’m gross looking and 2) who the fuck would like me? The next night he asked me how long I’ve liked girls for and I told him my coming out/sexuality changing rollercoaster. Came out in Jan 2017, didn’t want to label myself, just liked people. Then a few months later was like ugh guys are disgusting. Now that I’ve broken up with my ex I’m questioning myself and who the fuck knows. Him asking that made me wonder why he cares and my friends continued to come up with confirming reasons that he likes me. Which is so bizarre to me because it’s been so long since anyone’s showed interest in me. Maybe cause I’ve just made work my entire life and had no social life at all.

So since then there’s been lots of flirting and sarcasm fights. This guy he hangs out with keeps saying he can see the chemistry between us. He didn’t say those words but he speaks Spanish, very little English and the way he tries to insinuate that there’s something between us is hilarious. I actually love playing cards with him he’s so fucking funny.

So last night a bunch of us were playing cards. We’re sarcastically fighting like usual and this lady who’s doing a puzzle says that we fight like a married couple.. So he said how more people are starting to catch on and he’s right. Then my absolute favorite nurse walks into the dining room right as I call him an asshole. I told her that he’s mean and deserves it. That lady tells the nurse how we fight like a married couple and she agreed and I thought the nurse said “I thought you were less mean” to which I replied “you thought I was less mean???” Cause she knows me well enough by now. BUT she really said “I thought you were a lesbian”. There was my opportunity to start a cover story. So I told her “I am a lesbian, just a mean lesbian” and she started dying laughing. Then I told him “you know I’m not a lesbian, I’m mean clearly I’m not a lesbian”. I’m not going to go into the reasons why he knows I’m definitely not just into girls but I will say this has been my most interesting, risky, fun/thrilling inpatient stay I’ve ever had…

And that about covers it and brings me up to speed.