#ren's ramblings

[rebelren]

Thinking today about the s5 finale, and...

The Leverage ot3 owns my whole-ass heart.

Just.

The way they balance each other out, a three-legged stool of thievery that can handle any ground, no matter how uneven.

The way they support one another: totally and completely and without question. It's them against the marks, against the world, and I fully believe they're going to win.

The way each accepts the others fully. Parker is their 20lb of crazy in a 5lb bag, and Hardison will always have to fight the temptation to go too big when he grifts, and Eliot will always feel the weight of his past actions, and they know that about one another. They accept Parker's autism and Hardison's ADHD and the way Eliot gets way too serious about food, and they just factor that into their thinking and keep right on going.

The way they work together, fully aware of each other's competences and pitfalls, giving each other space to work and the implicit offer of support if needed.

The way they appreciate the things the others can do that they cannot. They've learned from Nate and Sophie, but now, it's time for them to fly on their own power. The Rundown job comes to mind - the guys admiring Parker being amazing, the way Eliot grabs the back of Hardison's neck to focus and ground him, the look that passes between Eliot and Parker in the train car.

The ways they have grown and flourished in working together. I'm not sure I've ever seen a show with so much character development and growth, and I love Leverage so deeply for that.

Their deep loyalty to one another. There is no plan M because Hardison dying is an unacceptable outcome in Parker's plans. If they go out, they go out together. End of story.

Their love. It's grown so organically out of them working together, out of uneasy alliances evolving into a deep, abiding trust and thence into something more. It's like no one else's love, but they're like no one else, so why would their love be? Now, it's become this foundational thing they stand on, that they rely on, and they're all more solid and secure because of it... and so, so much happier. They weren't looking for this, and it just happened, and now that they've found themselves here, they're never leaving, never letting go of this.

[dreadful-windandrain]

"will you match my freak" no. i'm freakier than you. this is a competition and i'm winning

[cedarw00div]

[chatlote]

Just because you don't love yourself it doesn't mean I will stop loving you.

[chirpycloudyrobin]

i am so fucking DOWN for the Devastating Beauty shen yuan headcanon

imagine he gets transmigrated as an Original Character (no System maybe or just a System thats less restrictive bc hes an OC) and he just cant understand why everyone and their mother are scrambling to get their hands on him (hes a once in a lifetime celestial-level beauty). then he gets picked up by Cang Qiong's Beast Peak Lord because of the rumors that he isnt human but is instead some kind of mystical creature ?

he spends most of his time worrying that the protagonist would murk him for being a man in his universe so he tries his best to be as much of a background character as possible. his peak lord insists on him wearing a veil a la liu mingyan and shen yuan is like THATS GENIUS.

idk where i was going with this but yes devastating beauty shen yuan. i want more of it thank u

[saewokhrisz]

swing with me

[slytherinslut0]

where are the men who yearn. where are the men who ponder. where are the men with depth. where are the men who find parallels. where are the men who love from their barest instinct. where are the men with whimsy. where are the men with certainty. where are the men who will cut their own heart out in face of your honour. where are the men

[everytimewetouch-dot-mp3]

christ more dragon god sy yapping:

all those b-points he got from finishing that first quest? gone. my mans got like 100 every time he blessed a new generation of peak lords, plus the 500 he got from finishing that first main quest {From the Ground Up}, plus whatever he got from fighting off all those beasties who tried to kill his little cultivators way back when.

but when he unlocks his human form, he does not unlock clothes, and he has to buy them from the system store! truly unfair! he looks pretty similar to how he looked in his first life, just a little less sickly. he also has to buy a sword from the system, which is frankly bullshit. but lanrui is a lovely sword—an almost pearlescent sheen to the blade, with peach blossoms inlaid in the hilt and a dragon scale sheath that…it’s almost certainly made from his scales, actually. weird. after buying everything he needs from the bullshit system’s scam shop, he’s left with about 150 B-points.

after his magical girl transformation from gigantic dragon god to gangly human wrapped in way too many layers of sumptuous green and blue silks, shen yuan is sent off the mountain on a couple of missions from the system. pop into the demon realm to slay this evil, fend off these fierce corpses attacking this little town—tutorial shit. it’s weird having such a small body again after six (or seven hundred???? he’s not thinking about the enormity of time right now) years as a gigantic dragon. his steps feel a thousand times lighter, and the first time he tries to pick a fruit from a tree, he kind of explodes it with spiritual energy. the tutorial is, unfortunately, necessary.

the system is almost helpful when it shares his stats and all his cool dragon skills. his official name here is lord canglong, but honestly it would be so hard to explore this world if people were falling all over themselves when they heard his names. did dragon gods get personal names before courtesy too? fighting with the system gets him a corny, half-assed compromise.

he still gets to be shen yuan, but while his first life’s yuan was 垣 yuán (wall), in his second life it’s 愿 yuàn (desire, hope), and the shen he has is… very transparently 神, shén (god, deity). he’s got stupid amounts of spiritual energy, he doesn’t need to eat or drink, and sometimes plants bloom around him since he’s the also kind of the god of springtime?

right when he gets excited thinking about how he’s a god!! (the dragon god in PIDW!! that bastardization of qinglong that airplane wrote who never did shit to defend the realms until his mountain was being destroyed by binghe merging them!!) the system butts in to remind him that there are limitations. he can’t kill humans except in certain circumstances or else he’ll be punished, which—fine, he didn’t plan to go around murdering people anyway? his dragon form will be locked whenever he’s not on canglong peak (bullshit!! what kind of half assed nerfing—) and there’s a permanent penalty on his account, [Dragon Ex Machina], that threatens to penalize him if he uses his dragon god powers to bully the plot into going his way.

so what’s the point of being a dragon god, then!?!??!?!

he spends days bickering debating with the system while he learns to use his sword and qi without exploding whatever he touches, but the system refuses to budge. if he tries to bully the plot too much, he’ll be punished. it’s bullshit, but so is this whole novel he’s found himself in, so…

shen yuan is ready to spend a few more days acclimating before he gets a game plan together but that flies out the window when something starts burning at the back of his mind, screaming that something’s wrong, something is in danger, part of his territory is threatened. he hasn’t felt that since the last demon invasion, and before he can stop himself, he’s mounted lanrui and darted off toward that feeling that something is wrong, wrong, wrong.

he ends up having blown in a wall of qing jing’s discipline hall, the tail of shen qingqiu’s whip caught in his fist (and fuck, that hurt to catch!!! his hand is definitely bleeding) as he stares down the man who was really just about to start whipping a child. a couple of disciples have gone white; a couple others have fallen over. the only ones in the room unaffected are shen yuan, luo binghe whose eyes are wide as he gazes up at him, and fucking scum villain extraordinaire, shen qingqiu. and the scum villain’s first words to him, lord canglong, dragon god of qing jing peak???

“move, or i’ll beat you too.”

[hhhut]

I can't take him him seriously he just looks like an angry kitten trying to intimidate you... so cute I can't no matter how old he gets he'll just be an angry little kit to me ,,^0^,,

[starstrike]

Mithrun's desire as an SA analogue

TW discussion of SA and detailed breakdown of aesthetics evoking SA. The way I discuss this is vivid in a way that may be triggering, though there is no discussion of actual sexual assault. Just survivor's responses to it.

People relate to Mithrun and see his condition as an analogue for a few different things, like brain injury or depression. And I think all of them are there. But I also see Mithrun's story as an SA analogue, and Ryoko Kui intentionally evokes those aesthetics. I think it's a part of Mithrun's character that a lot of people miss, but I very much consider it text. This is partially inspired by @heird99's post on what makes this scene so disturbing; so check out their post, too :)

So to start off with, the demon invades Mithrun's bed, specifically. There's even a canopy around it, which specifically evokes this idea of personal intrusion; the barrier is being pulled apart without consent or warning. The way the hand reaches towards Mithrun's body from outside of the panel division makes it almost look like the goat stroking over his body. It's an especially creepy visual detail; similarly, the goat's right hand parts into the side of the panel as well. It's literally like it's tearing the page apart; but gently. So gently.

Mithrun is in bed. It is his bed that the demon is intruding on. He's in a position of intimacy. The woman behind him is a facsimile of his "beloved" that he left behind; the woman who, in reality, chose Mithrun's brother. He is in bed with his fantasy lover, who is leaning over him. While this scene isn't explicitly sexual, it is intimate. And it is being invaded. The goat lifts Mithrun gently, who is confused, but not yet struggling.

The erotics of consumption and violence in Ryoko Kui's work(remember that the word 'erotic' can have many different meanings, please) are a... notable part of some of her illustrations. I would say she blurs the lines between all forms of desire: personal, sexual, gustatory and carnal, in her illustrations in order to emphasize the pure desire she wants to work with and evoke to serve her themes. Kui deploys sexual imagery in a lot of places in Dungeon Meshi, and this is one of them.

In this case, horrifically. The goat's assault begins with drooling, licking, and nuzzling. The goat could be enjoying and "playing with" its food. But it can also be interpreted as it "preparing" Mithrun with its tongue as it begins to literally breach Mithrun's body. The goat also invades directly through his clothing; that adds another level of disturbing to me. There's nothing Mithrun can do in this moment of violation. Mithrun is fighting, but he is fighting weakly, trying to grip on and push away when he has no ability or option to. All he can do is beg the goat to stop. And it doesn't care. This all evokes sexual assault.

The sixth panel demonstrates a somewhat sexual position, with Mithrun's thighs spread around the goat's hunched over body. In the next, the goat pulls and holds apart Mithrun's thighs as he nuzzles into him. The way the clothing bunches up looks a bit as if it has been pushed up. It has pinned Mithrun down onto the bed, into Mithrun's soft furs and pillows. It takes a place made to be supernaturally warm and comfortable, and violates it. It's utterly and intimately horrifying. To me, this sequence of positions directly evokes a rape scene. I think Kui did this very explicitly. These references to sexual invasion are part of what makes this scene so disturbing; albeit, to many viewers, subconsciously.

This is also the moment the goat takes Mithrun's eye. Other than this, the goat seems exceptionally strong, but also... gentle. It holds Mithrun's body tightly, but moves it around slowly. It doesn't need to hurt Mithrun physically. But in that moment, it takes Mithrun's eye. Blood seeps from a wound while an orifice that should not be pierced is penetrated. This moment, the ooze of blood in one place specifically, also evokes rape. That single bit of physical gore is a very powerful bit of imagery to me.

Finally; it is Mithrun's desire that is eaten. After his assault, Mithrun can find no pleasure in things that he once did. He is fully disassociated from his emotions. This is a common response to trauma, especially in the case of SA. It's not uncommon for people to never, or take a long time to, enjoy sex in the same way again; or at all. They might feel like their rapist has robbed them of a desire and pleasure they once had. I think this makes Mithrun's lack of desire a partial analogue for the trauma of sexual assault.

Mithrun's desire for revenge was, supposedly, all that remained. Anger at his assaulter, anger at every being that was like it; though, perhaps not anger. Devotion, in a way. To his cause. I don't know. But the immediate desire to seek revenge is another response to SA. But on to Mithrun's true feelings on the matter.

This is... So incredibly tragic. Mithrun feels used up. Like his best parts have been taken away. Like he's being... tossed aside. This certainly parallels the way assault victims can feel after being left by an abuser. Or the way assault victims feel they might be "ruined" forever for other partners. These are common sentiments for survivors to carry, and need to overcome. In the text, it's almost like Mithrun feels the only being who can desire him is a demon who might "finish devouring" him. That that's his only use. It's worth noting that Mithrun trusted the demon. Mithrun's world was built by the demon, and Mithrun, in that way, was cared for by the demon. I think this reinforces Mithrun's place as a victim.

There's also something to be said about Mithrun as a victim of his own possessive romantic and sexual desire. The mirror shows him his beloved just dining with his brother, and it infuriates him. He doesn't know if the vision is real, nor if she has really chosen his brother as a romantic partner. The goat then creates a whole fantasy world where she loves him. As Mithrun's dungeon deteriorates, she is the only person that continues to exist. Mithrun continues to have control over her. And that is the strongest desire the demon is eating, isn't it? There's something interesting there, but I don't know what to say about it.

In conclusion, I think Mithrun's story is an explicit analogue for sexual assault-- though, certainly, among other things! The way the scene plays out and is composed explicitly references sexual violation and invasion of the body. His condition mirrors common trauma responses to sexual violence. And, at the end, he finally realizes he can recover.

Let's end on a happy Mithrun, after taking the first step on his journey to recovery :) You aren't vegetable scraps Mithrun. But even if you were-- every single thing in this world has value. Even vegetable scraps.

[rebelren]

I can't believe I have not one but two ships with a bisexual 🩷💜💙, fabulous 💁‍♀️, magical ✨ PoC 👨🏾.

Alec 🏹 and Wylan 🧪 are a bit more different than Magnus 🪄 and Jesper 🪙, but they're both gay 🏳️‍🌈, both have pasts they're trying to let go of/move away from 👋, and both adore their beautiful magic men ���, so it feels like there's quite a bit of overlap there too...

As for Magnus and Jesper, the parallels are obvious, no? Freewheeling bisexuals 💖 ahoy! (And if you headcanon Jesper's kilts as skirts 👗, as I am often wont to do, they both play with gender and presentation as well.)

Most of all, in both ships, I love each character individually and love how the ship enriches each of their lives and experiences.

There are myriad ways they're all different too, and those are delightful as well, but I find myself amazed and amused by the ways they're similar. Just. Like. Of fucking course the first time since Magnus and Alec I fall so hard would be for Jesper and Wylan... 🤣

Badass 💪 competent 🥵 bi 💗 magic 🔮 men and their badass 💪 competent 🥵 gay 🌈 partners forever!

(Are the emojis annoying? I hope not. I had fun with them.)

[dreadful-windandrain]

this sucks so bad i'm gonna (remembers suicide jokes are harmful for my mental health) replace myself

[chiricat]

big bro yu

[chatlote]

Waiting for as long as it takes.

Bonus comics undercut / Explanation of Crow's Nest

[foldingfittedsheets]

Ren faireeeeeee. Supernova the Strongwoman was an absolute delight, later we’re gonna meet some friends and see Jack ze Whipper.

[pyjamacryptid]

Feeling like the ultimate nerd niche right now. I’m studying information science, specifically cataloguing, while in a library. Immersive experience. Like a 4D movie.

Self-portrait on Lined Notebook Paper, c. 2023