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anicekidlikeme · 1 month ago

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Removing the arrows

Friends, it has been a very long time since I have written.

When my mind gets too cluttered, I tend to float away from being connected. I withdraw completely, sometimes with people, sometimes with hobbies, sometimes with greif, and a lot of the time, with responsibility. To do such a thing is greatly painful, and it is a terrible habit that I hope I can one day break.

Drew and I moved in together, which has been lovely, and safe. To be truthful, I have never had a home where I felt safe, where all my needs were being completely met, so it is a huge joy that I managed to create that for myself. Since then, this feeling has emerged. it says, no matter what happens, you can always come home. Our apartment is not very big but I feel it to be brimming with love. Now that I have this safe space, I think my body is finally establishing a connection to the world. Grief has finally decided to set itself down and channel itself in different ways. Because of this, I have been distant in sharing. Friends, my body has been resting.

I want to mention that this isn't a new pattern of mine. This website has been gutted a million times over, but I have a strong feeling I will never completely let go of this little project. Drew and I celebrated our one year anniversary yesterday, so I felt it may be a good time to return, write down my reflections of this past year.

It has been lifechanging, so sincerely that I worry sometimes that if one of you swapped lives with me, you would be able to make more of it. My therapist told me this week to think of my body as if arrows are being pierced through it constantly, and never in a planned out pattern. The first few arrows were pierced at me through life and circumstance. And the next set by me, telling myself that I am this big fuck up almost as a way to keep myself functional and going. She said to me that, interestingly, in the second situation where I am the piercer, she can almost see the hands of my mother guiding mine to the arrow, pulling and releasing right at the heart. Her hands are on top of mine at all times, and I too could see it. I have felt that before too. I don't remember much about my life in India, and that forgetting is intentional. One of my clearest memories is of my mother in a blue work shirt, home at 6pm, when we lived on the outskirts of Mumbai, tired and angry. Tired of having worked her whole day away for a shot at footing our bare minimum lifestyle and angry because I have a resounding physical resembalence to my father.

When I was young, I saw my father as someone who was addicted to causing me pain, and it really confused me when I was made to be just like him in so many ways. I lived with my dad for a few of my youngest years because my mom needed her Mumbai escape. She said to me that she had to build up her career before she could take me to the scary city on her own. Fair.

I did not ever like my father until my teenage years, where I yearned for an escape from my household to one where seemingly, I could be with someone who was just like me. I did not care of the cost it came with; I have never been one to see my body and soul as anything but ruined filthy.

I am the eldest daughter in our big, indian family. I am the lamb who seeks out weird writing symbolisms so that my little cousin sisters felt comfort about this family. I smiled with my teeth when we visited the rest of them like I was told to. I always felt like, for my sisters, I am the fear that exists beween the empty spaces of love we were given, and the anger that is in our parents. They were always angry. The way I felt in that moment with my mother, I started feeling a lot when I was a little bit older. I felt it with one summer dress that never quite fit right no matter how many times I threw my school lunch away. And then eventually every dress. That is the only feeling that comes close to it.

I know that this is all a lot to invite you all into, but it was also a lot to have to set it down. What helps is just trying to feel as connected to the ground as possible. Having a cat has helped. I often observe her approach to things. She is just a young kitten, and it is beautiful to witness someone experiencing this world for the first time. She reminds me of simple things. Today I thought, yes! I don't like when the traffic suddenly gets loud and we can hear it from our apartment. We lean on each other a lot, she needs me and I need her. I think that is the highest level of connecting and regrounding myself I know of. Having a companion does really help, and I have two of the best ones ever.

When I am talking about Drew to my friends or co-workers, I often say oh yeah I've got this lovely boyfriend, and you know, it takes pretty hard work to be me everyday, but ever since I've met him its like I am regressing, thinking, uggggh I dont want to do the smallest of things, like I always need to be looked after. I think its because he is the first one that has requested permission to take care of me. Mostly my lovely therapist's words, but I really relate to them. Now here are some of my own, freshly made as Drew falls asleep in the bedroom.

Wow it is so healing and refreshing. Our relationship had a lot of ups and a lot of downs when we first met, we both at big turning points of our lives and were getting antsy about our place in the world. But despite of all that, he is truly the most wonderful thing to ever happen to me. He is so caring, loving, and makes me feel like I am new. I have always felt too loud, too angry, too mean, too nice, too gullible, too evil, too forgiving, too awkward, to unscoialized, too undeserving. But with Drew I feel good. And at home. I don't have to keep making big gestures of love to feel it. It is just there for me waiting.

Friends, I am dealing with a lot of greif right now, and have been more reflexive than ever about my life, and the person I am. There is a lot going on that maybe I will share, and maybe I will not. But I hope that you all will still be by me. My biggest worry is the judgement. I don't want to be the loser of the group. I am filled with gratitude also. So so much of it. It is my reason to turn to this once more. When I hit post, I will go eat some dinner, tell my boyfriend I love him dearly, and fall asleep with my cat. It is possible to take those arrows out, and in the end be okay. It really really is. We will chat more soon.

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jcmarchi · 9 months ago

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Brian Tolkin, Head of Product, at Opendoor – Interview Series

New Post has been published on https://thedigitalinsider.com/brian-tolkin-head-of-product-at-opendoor-interview-series/

Brian Tolkin, Head of Product, at Opendoor – Interview Series

Brian Tolkin is the Head of Product at Opendoor, an online company that buys and sells residential real estate. Headquartered in San Francisco, it makes instant cash offers on homes through an online process, makes repairs on the properties it purchases and relists them for sale.

Brian has been an industry leader for over 10 years, previously working as a Group Product Manager at Uber where he led the Shared Rides product group, managing and shipping new products like uberPOOL, uberHOP, and uberEXPRESS.

You’re currently the Head of Product at Opendoor, could you describe what this role entails and what an average day looks like?

I’ve been at Opendoor for over five years, and I lead Opendoor’s product teams, consisting of designers, product managers and researchers. Together, we have created and launched some of Opendoor’s most impactful products that simplify two of life’s most important transactions: selling and buying a home. My team’s work spans Opendoor’s field operations, sales and support tooling, enterprise and growth platforms, and the consumer product and growth teams. I spend a lot of time understanding consumer sentiment to help inform product decisions. Ultimately, my goal is to enable Opendoor to move faster, build better products, and produce more modern experiences for our customers that support their lifestyle and needs.

In your recent LinkedIn job post you stated, “We’re on a mission to change the game in residential real estate.” What are some of the current problems with the current state of residential real estate?

Real estate is the last sector of the U.S. economy that has yet to really benefit from innovation. It’s a $2 trillion sector of our economy and millions of Americans buy and sell homes yearly – yet, the traditional process has gone untouched for decades and is largely offline, complex, and burdensome. In fact, less than 1% of residential real estate transactions happen online. Opendoor’s goal is to change that. We’re focused on digitizing the real estate transaction, from providing home offers in minutes via our website or app, to conducting virtual home assessments and facilitating digital closings.

The current macro environment has caused challenges, as well. High interest rates have resulted in affordability concerns for buyers and left many sellers on the sidelines. We’re focused on finding ways to “unstick” customers, whether that’s by providing certain cash offers, delivering more streamlined selling options, or offering move-in-ready homes.

How does Opendoor solve these problems?

Opendoor removes the layers, barriers, and confusion that often come with the traditional process. We give our customers greater confidence and control over the entire move. It used to be that all you could see online was an estimate for your home’s value; today you can get a real cash offer from Opendoor and conduct the entire transaction online from the comfort of your home. Getting a cash offer from Opendoor is a great first step for home sellers. It provides price transparency and the certainty of an offer in your back pocket while you explore all options to sell your home.

I’ll share an example of a customer that really moved me, and spoke to the purpose of what we do at Opendoor. One of our customers is a single mom of two, and needed to move closer to her family so they could help with her kids. She kept putting off her move because the last time she sold a home it was such a hassle — enduring over 60 showings, having to leave the house with her young children, and eventually taking an offer she wasn’t happy with. Thankfully, she found Opendoor – realizing she could sell her home, her way. She bypassed open houses, months of uncertainty, and potential buyer fall-throughs. Instead, she was easily able to close in 14 days with a fully digital experience, moving on to the next chapter for her family.

In slow markets or fast markets, people need to move. The commonality is that they are looking for an easier way to do it, and that’s where we come in. Selling directly to Opendoor has incredibly high customer satisfaction. Sellers have given us an average Net Promoter Score of nearly 80 over the last three years, and we’ve facilitated more than 250,000 customer transactions across 50 markets.

What are some of the different AI and machine learning algorithms that are used at Opendoor?

We’re focused on using technology to streamline the entire real estate transaction to make it as simple and certain as possible, which, in turn, will allow more people to move because the process is easier. Our pricing models are the backbone of the company and are what enable us to provide home offers in minutes. We’ve been incorporating AI and ML applications into our business from the beginning. We launched a neural network pricing model years ago, and we have also been leveraging computer vision and image-based learning models, especially to drive home condition models that have led to pricing accuracy improvements.

As part of this focus on home condition, we added a new step within the seller questionnaire, where we ask customers to evaluate a series of home photos with varied conditions, and then select the one that looks most like theirs. Our pricing team then examines the home’s interior photos and videos uploaded by the customer, gathering structured data that feeds into our acquisition pricing system. We’re able to use traditionally subjective data like the level of datedness of the finishings and turn it into structured data, allowing us to have a quantitative basis for determining how much a home is worth. Our model also helps us determine whether additional cosmetic renovation would create value for the seller and buyer. By factoring home condition into our pricing for sellers, we’re able to ensure that our listed homes are ready for potential buyers; which is important, because 67% of buyers and 77% of sellers don’t want to pay for remodeling or repairs.

I’m also excited about the potential for AI in helping our customers have more seamless experiences. Last year, we introduced a SMS-based AI tool that pairs AI with our human expertise to provide buyers and sellers with fast, accessible and unbiased information to help them through their home selling journey. Customers can use the tool to ask questions like, “What price are similar homes in my neighborhood selling for?”, or “What’s the first step to sell my home?” and we’ll provide trusted information in a much more convenient and low-effort way. We look forward to continuing to implement new technologies to solve real customer problems in real estate.

What are the different types of data points that are analyzed and where is this data sourced from?

Our team at Opendoor has spent the last 10 years building a high-quality dataset, and we’re constantly expanding it to make the most competitive offers possible. Our automated valuation model compares home details and features – not just square footage and the number of bedrooms and bathrooms – but also more granular features like floor type, proximity to transit and schools, and the level of street noise. We compare recent listings nearby, or comps, and use computing power to crunch a lot of the data to keep listings current. We also analyze data points around current market conditions and broader economic trends, such as available inventory, current interest rates, migration trends, and even social dynamics like schooling and remote work. And, we capture home-level data that sellers provide directly during the process.

Opendoor’s proprietary algorithm can do these calculations quickly for hundreds of comparable homes. Then we layer on human expertise, so that our model factors in insights from our team of data scientists, engineers, and pricing experts to consider the nuances of local market conditions.

Normally home inspections are done at the request of a buyer making an offer, how does Opendoor shift this paradigm?

Everything we do is based on the customer experience, so we’re always looking for ways to make it better and easier. The home assessments we conduct are a key part of how we finalize an offer for a customer’s home, but we’ve drastically reduced the hassle and time typically associated with in-person inspections. Once a customer receives their preliminary offer from Opendoor, they schedule their home assessment, which can often be done completely online. We offer a live, virtual home walkthrough with an Opendoor representative, which takes about 30 minutes. Or, we offer self-guided home walkthroughs. Sellers simply take videos and photos using their smartphone, computer or regular camera, highlighting what they think is unique about the home. This experience can be done in about 10 minutes, compared to a two hour inspection, and allows customers to complete it entirely on their own time. If we need to, we will send an employee to the home for a roughly 15 minute physical walkthrough of the home as well.

Can you discuss what the process is for someone who wants to list their home for sale?

From the start, we’ve always offered cash offers to home sellers. But, through many hours of talking with and listening to customers, we’ve learned that no two home sales are the same – and more than half of sellers (55%) want to list their home to maximize proceeds. That’s the driving force behind our product offering that gives customers the option to list their home with Opendoor. With this option, sellers can work with a local agent who can help them list their home on the MLS, with the certainty of our cash offer in their back pocket. The product provides confidence to sellers who aren’t getting the market offers they want, by giving them the opportunity to stop showings and accept Opendoor’s cash offer within 60 days.

On the surface it seems like Opendoor has optimized both the buyer and seller experience, how are you planning on further improving the product?

Our north star right now is to ensure Opendoor is a destination where all sellers start their journey, regardless of how they want to transact. That might be providing customers with our cash offer, helping them list on the MLS, or connecting them directly with buyers. Opendoor’s product solutions are tailored and customized to meet customers’ needs, and that’s what we’ll continue to focus on.

Thank you for the great interview, readers who wish to learn more should visit Opendoor.

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antiporn-activist · 4 years ago

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The Children of Pornhub

Why does Canada allow this company to profit off videos of exploitation and assault?

By Nicholas Kristof, Opinion Columnist, Dec. 4, 2020, New York Times

This article contains descriptions of sexual assault. It’s also really long.

Pornhub prides itself on being the cheery, winking face of naughty, the website that buys a billboard in Times Square and provides snow plows to clear Boston streets. It donates to organizations fighting for racial equality and offers steamy content free to get people through Covid-19 shutdowns.

Yet there’s another side of the company: Its site is infested with rape videos. It monetizes child rapes, revenge pornography, spy cam videos of women showering, racist and misogynist content, and footage of women being asphyxiated in plastic bags. A search for “girls under18” (no space) or “14yo” leads in each case to more than 100,000 videos. Most aren’t of children being assaulted, but too many are.

After a 15-year-old girl went missing in Florida, her mother found her on Pornhub — in 58 sex videos. Sexual assaults on a 14-year-old California girl were posted on Pornhub and were reported to the authorities not by the company but by a classmate who saw the videos. In each case, offenders were arrested for the assaults, but Pornhub escaped responsibility for sharing the videos and profiting from them.

Pornhub is like YouTube in that it allows members of the public to post their own videos. A great majority of the 6.8 million new videos posted on the site each year probably involve consenting adults, but many depict child abuse and nonconsensual violence. Because it’s impossible to be sure whether a youth in a video is 14 or 18, neither Pornhub nor anyone else has a clear idea of how much content is illegal.

Unlike YouTube, Pornhub allows these videos to be downloaded directly from its website. So even if a rape video is removed at the request of the authorities, it may already be too late: The video lives on as it is shared with others or uploaded again and again.

“Pornhub became my trafficker,” a woman named Cali told me. She says she was adopted in the United States from China and then trafficked by her adoptive family and forced to appear in pornographic videos beginning when she was 9. Some videos of her being abused ended up on Pornhub and regularly reappear there, she said.

“I’m still getting sold, even though I’m five years out of that life,” Cali said. Now 23, she is studying in a university and hoping to become a lawyer — but those old videos hang over her.

“I may never be able to get away from this,” she said. “I may be 40 with eight kids, and people are still masturbating to my photos.”

“You type ‘Young Asian’ and you can probably find me,” she added.

Actually, maybe not. Pornhub recently was offering 26,000 videos in response to that search. That doesn’t count videos that show up under “related searches” that Pornhub suggests, including “young tiny teen,” “extra small petite teen,” “tiny Asian teen” or just “young girl.” Nor does it necessarily count videos on a Pornhub channel called “exploited teen Asia.”

I came across many videos on Pornhub that were recordings of assaults on unconscious women and girls. The rapists would open the eyelids of the victims and touch their eyeballs to show that they were nonresponsive.

Pornhub profited this fall from a video of a naked woman being tortured by a gang of men in China. It is monetizing video compilations with titles like “Screaming Teen,” “Degraded Teen” and “Extreme Choking.” Look at a choking video and it may suggest also searching for “She Can’t Breathe.”

It should be possible to be sex positive and Pornhub negative.

Pornhub declined to make executives available on the record, but it provided a statement. “Pornhub is unequivocally committed to combating child sexual abuse material, and has instituted a comprehensive, industry-leading trust and safety policy to identify and eradicate illegal material from our community,” it said. Pornhub added that any assertion that the company allows child videos on the site “is irresponsible and flagrantly untrue.”

II.

At 14, Serena K. Fleites was an A student in Bakersfield, Calif., who had never made out with a boy. But in the eighth grade she developed a crush on a boy a year older, and he asked her to take a naked video of herself. She sent it to him, and this changed her life.

He asked for another, then another; she was nervous but flattered. “That’s when I started getting strange looks in school,” she remembered. He had shared the videos with other boys, and someone posted them on Pornhub.

Fleites’s world imploded. It’s tough enough to be 14 without having your classmates entertain themselves by looking at you naked, and then mocking you as a slut. “People were texting me, if I didn’t send them a video, they were going to send them to my mom,” she said.

The boy was suspended, but Fleites began skipping class because she couldn’t bear the shame. Her mother persuaded Pornhub to remove the videos, and Fleites switched schools. But rumors reached the new school, and soon the videos were uploaded again to Pornhub and other websites.

Fleites quarreled with her mother and began cutting herself. Then one day she went to the medicine cabinet and took every antidepressant pill she could find.

Three days later, she woke up in the hospital, frustrated to be still alive. Next she hanged herself in the bathroom; her little sister found her, and medics revived her.

As Fleites spiraled downward, a friend introduced her to meth and opioids, and she became addicted to both. She dropped out of school and became homeless.

At 16, she advertised on Craigslist and began selling naked photos and videos of herself. It was a way to make a bit of money, and maybe also a way to punish herself. She thought, “I’m not worth anything any more because everybody has already seen my body,” she told me.

Those videos also ended up on Pornhub. Fleites would ask that they be removed. They usually would be, she says — but then would be uploaded again. One naked video of her at 14 had 400,000 views, she says, leaving her afraid to apply for fast-food jobs for fear that someone would recognize her.

So today Fleites, 19, off drugs for a year but unemployed and traumatized, is living in her car in Bakersfield, along with three dogs that have proved more loyal and loving than the human species. She dreams of becoming a vet technician but isn’t sure how to get there. “It’s kind of hard to go to school when you’re living in a car with dogs,” she said.

“I was dumb,” she acknowledged, noting that she had never imagined that the videos could be shared online. “It was one small thing that a teenager does, and it’s crazy how it turns into something so much bigger.

“A whole life can be changed because of one little mistake.”

III.

The problem goes far beyond one company. Indeed, a rival of Pornhub, XVideos, which arguably has even fewer scruples, may attract more visitors. Depictions of child abuse also appear on mainstream sites like Twitter, Reddit and Facebook. And Google supports the business models of companies that thrive on child molestation.

Google returns 920 million videos on a search for “young porn.” Top hits include a video of a naked “very young teen” engaging in sex acts on XVideo along with a video on Pornhub whose title is unprintable here.

I asked the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children to compile the number of images, videos and other content related to child sexual exploitation reported to it each year. In 2015, it received reports of 6.5 million videos or other files; in 2017, 20.6 million; and in 2019, 69.2 million.

Facebook removed 12.4 million images related to child exploitation in a three-month period this year. Twitter closed 264,000 accounts in six months last year for engaging in sexual exploitation of children. By contrast, Pornhub notes that the Internet Watch Foundation, an England-based nonprofit that combats child sexual abuse imagery, reported only 118 instances of child sexual abuse imagery on its site over almost three years, seemingly a negligible figure. “Eliminating illegal content is an ongoing battle for every modern content platform, and we are committed to remaining at the forefront,” Pornhub said in its statement.

The Internet Watch Foundation couldn’t explain why its figure for Pornhub is so low. Perhaps it’s because people on Pornhub are inured to the material and unlikely to report it. But if you know what to look for, it’s possible to find hundreds of apparent child sexual abuse videos on Pornhub in 30 minutes. Pornhub has recently offered playlists with names including “less than 18,” “the best collection of young boys” and “under- - age.”

Congress and successive presidents have done almost nothing as this problem has grown. The tech world that made it possible has been mostly passive, in a defensive crouch. But pioneering reporting in 2019 by my Times colleagues has prodded Congress to begin debating competing strategies to address child exploitation.

Concerns about Pornhub are bubbling up. A petition to shut the site down has received 2.1 million signatures. Senator Ben Sasse, a Nebraska Republican, called on the Justice Department to investigate Pornhub. PayPal cut off services for the company, and credit card companies have been asked to do the same. An organization called Traffickinghub, led by an activist named Laila Mickelwait, documents abuses and calls for the site to be shut down. Twenty members of Canada’s Parliament have called on their government to crack down on Pornhub, which is effectively based in Montreal.

“They made money off my pain and suffering,” an 18-year-old woman named Taylor told me. A boyfriend secretly made a video of her performing a sex act when she was 14, and it ended up on Pornhub, the police confirmed. “I went to school the next day and everybody was looking at their phones and me as I walked down the hall,” she added, weeping as she spoke. “They were laughing.”

Taylor said she has twice attempted suicide because of the humiliation and trauma. Like others quoted here, she agreed to tell her story and help document it because she thought it might help other girls avoid suffering as she did.

IV.

Pornhub is owned by Mindgeek, a private pornography conglomerate with more than 100 websites, production companies and brands. Its sites include Redtube, Youporn, XTube, SpankWire, ExtremeTube, Men.com, My Dirty Hobby, Thumbzilla, PornMD, Brazzers and GayTube. There are other major players in porn outside the Mindgeek umbrella, most notably XHamster and XVideos, but Mindgeek is a porn titan. If it operated in another industry, the Justice Department could be discussing an antitrust case against it.

Pornhub and Mindgeek also stand out because of their influence. One study this year by a digital marketing company concluded that Pornhub was the technology company with the third greatest-impact on society in the 21st century, after Facebook and Google but ahead of Microsoft, Apple and Amazon.

Nominally based in Luxembourg for tax reasons, Mindgeek is a private company run from Montreal. It does not disclose who owns it, but it is led by Feras Antoon and David Tassillo, both Canadians, who declined to be interviewed.

Prime Minister Justin Trudeau of Canada calls himself a feminist and has been proud of his government’s efforts to empower women worldwide. So a question for Trudeau and all Canadians: Why does Canada host a company that inflicts rape videos on the world?

Mindgeek’s moderators are charged with filtering out videos of children, but its business model profits from sex videos starring young people.

“The goal for a content moderator is to let as much content as possible go through,” a former Mindgeek employee told me. He said he believed that the top executives weren’t evil but were focused above all on maximizing revenue.

While Pornhub would not tell me how many moderators it employs, I interviewed one who said that there are about 80 worldwide who work on Mindgeek sites (by comparison, Facebook told me it has 15,000 moderators). With 1.36 million new hours of video uploaded a year to Pornhub, that means that each moderator would have to review hundreds of hours of content each week.

The moderators fast forward through videos, but it’s often difficult to assess whether a person is 14 or 18, or whether torture is real or fake. Most of the underage content involves teenagers, the moderator I spoke with said, but some comes from spy cams in toilets or changing rooms and shows children only 8 to 12.

“The job in itself is soul-destroying,” the moderator said.

Pornhub appears to be increasingly alarmed about civil or criminal liability. Lawyers are circling, and nine women sued the company in federal court after spy cam videos surfaced on Pornhub. The videos were shot in a locker room at Limestone College in South Carolina and showed women showering and changing clothes.

Executives of Pornhub appear in the past to have assumed that they enjoyed immunity under Section 230 of the Communications Decency Act, which protects internet platforms on which members of the public post content. But in 2018 Congress limited Section 230 so that it may not be enough to shield the company, leading Mindgeek to behave better.

It has doubled the number of moderators in the last couple of years, the moderator told me, and this year Pornhub began voluntarily reporting illegal material to the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children. After previously dragging its feet in removing videos of children and nonconsensual content, Pornhub now is responding more rapidly.

It has also compiled a list of banned content. I obtained a copy of this list, and it purports to bar videos with terms or themes like “rape,” “preteen,” “pedophilia” and “bestiality” (it helpfully clarifies that this “includes eels, fish, octopus, insects”). Diapers are OK “if no scatophilia.” Mutilation depends on context but “cannot depict severing parts of the body.”

So while it is now no longer possible to search on Pornhub in English using terms like “underage” or “rape,” the company hasn’t tried hard to eliminate such videos. A member called “13yoboyteen” is allowed to post videos. A search for “r*pe,” turns up 1,901 videos. “Girl with braces” turns up 1,913 videos and suggests also trying “exxxtra small teens.” A search for “13yo” generates 155,000 videos. To be clear, most aren’t of 13-year-olds, but the fact that they’re promoted with that language seems to reflect an effort to attract pedophiles.

Moreover, some videos seem at odds with the list of banned content. “Runaway Girl Gets Ultimatum, Anal or the Streets” is the title of one Pornhub video. Another user posts videos documenting sex with teenage girls as they weep, protest and cry out in pain.

While Pornhub is becoming more careful about videos of potentially litigious Americans, it remains cavalier about overseas victims. One Indonesian video is titled “Junior High School Girl After Class” and shows what appears to be a young teenager having sex. A Chinese sex video, just taken down, was labeled: “Beautiful High School Girl Is Tricked by Classmates and Taken to the Top of a Building Where She Is Insulted and Raped.”

“They’re making money off the worst moment in my life, off my body,” a Colombian teenager who asked to be called Xela, a nickname, told me. Two American men paid her when she was 16 for a sexual encounter that they filmed and then posted on Pornhub. She was one of several Pornhub survivors who told me they had thought of or attempted suicide.

In the last few days as I was completing this article, two new videos of prepubescent girls being assaulted were posted, along with a sex video of a 15-year-old girl who was suicidal after it went online. I don’t see how good-faith moderators could approve any of these videos.

“It’s always going to be online,” Nicole, a British woman who has had naked videos of herself posted and reposted on Pornhub, told me. “That’s my big fear of having kids, them seeing this.”

That’s a recurring theme among survivors: An assault eventually ends, but Pornhub renders the suffering interminable.

Naked videos of Nicole at 15 were posted on Pornhub. Now 19, she has been trying for two years to get them removed.

“Why do videos of me from when I was 15 years old and blackmailed, which is child porn, continuously [get] uploaded?” Nicole protested plaintively to Pornhub last year, in a message. “You really need a better system. … I tried to kill myself multiple times after finding myself reuploaded on your website.”

Nicole’s lawyer, Dani Pinter, says there are still at least three naked videos of Nicole at age 15 or 16 on Pornhub that they are trying to get removed.

“It’s never going to end,” Nicole said. “They’re getting so much money from our trauma.”

Pornhub has introduced software that supposedly can “fingerprint” rape videos and prevent them from being uploaded again. But Vice showed how this technology is easily circumvented on Pornhub.

One Pornhub scandal involved the Girls Do Porn production company, which recruited young women for clothed modeling gigs and then pushed them to perform in sex videos, claiming that the videos would be sold only as DVDs in other countries and would never go online. Reassured that no one would ever know, some of the women agreed — and then were shattered when the footage was aggressively marketed on Pornhub.

Girls Do Porn was prosecuted for sex trafficking and shut down. But those videos continue to surface and resurface on Pornhub; last time I checked, videos of six victims of Girls Do Porn were on Pornhub, which continues to profit from them.

One of the Girls Do Porn women I saw on Pornhub is now dead. She was murdered at 20, allegedly by an angry ex-boyfriend who is about to go on trial. I’m not disclosing her name because she should be remembered as a vibrant college athlete, and not for a sex video that represented her most mortifying moment.

VI.

So what’s the solution?

I had expected the survivors to want to shut down Pornhub and send its executives to prison. Some did, but others were more nuanced. Lydia, now 20, was trafficked as a child and had many rape videos posted on the site. “My stomach hurts all the time” from the tension, she told me, but she doesn’t want to come across as hostile to porn itself.

“I don’t want people to hear ‘No porn!’” Lydia told me. “It’s more like, ‘Stop hurting kids.’”

Susan Padron told me that she had assumed that pornography was consensual, until a boyfriend filmed her in a sex act when she was 15 and posted it on Pornhub. She has struggled since and believes that only people who have confirmed their identities should be allowed to post videos.

Jessica Shumway, who was trafficked and had a customer post a sex video on Pornhub, agrees: “They need to figure out who’s underage in the videos and that there’s consent from everybody in it.”

I asked Leo, 18, who had videos of himself posted on Pornhub when he was 14, what he suggested.

“That’s tough,” he said. “My solution would be to leave porn to professional production companies,” because they require proof of age and consent.

Right now, those companies can’t compete with mostly free sites like Pornhub and XVideos.

“Pornhub has already destroyed the business model for pay sites,” said Stoya, an adult film actress and writer. She, too, thinks all platforms — from YouTube to Pornhub — should require proof of consent to upload videos of private individuals.

Columnists are supposed to offer answers, but I struggle with solutions. If Pornhub curated videos more rigorously, the most offensive material might just move to the dark web or to websites in less regulated countries. Yet at least they would then not be normalized on a mainstream site.

More pressure and less impunity would help. We’re already seeing that limiting Section 230 immunity leads to better self-policing.

And call me a prude, but I don’t see why search engines, banks or credit card companies should bolster a company that monetizes sexual assaults on children or unconscious women. If PayPal can suspend cooperation with Pornhub, so can American Express, Mastercard and Visa.

I don’t see any neat solution. But aside from limiting immunity so that companies are incentivized to behave better, here are three steps that would help: 1.) Allow only verified users to post videos. 2.) Prohibit downloads. 3.) Increase moderation.

These measures wouldn’t kill porn or much bother consumers of it; YouTube thrives without downloads. Siri Dahl, a prominent porn star who does business with Pornhub, told me that my three proposals are “insanely reasonable.”

The world has often been oblivious to child sexual abuse, from the Catholic Church to the Boy Scouts. Too late, we prosecute individuals like Jeffrey Epstein or R. Kelly. But we should also stand up to corporations that systematically exploit children. With Pornhub, we have Jeffrey Epstein times 1,000.

#if you use pornhub you're complicit in this #sorry i don't make the rules

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rosecorcoranwrites · 4 years ago

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Censorship and Banning Books

As I mentioned in my last Rant Rave Review, as of last Monday, six books by Dr. Seuss are now officially out-of-print, and they are out of print due to supposedly racist, offensive, and/or stereotypical images. The company that owns the rights to these books is no longer publishing them and some websites are no longer selling them. People who do own the books, or who swooped into stores and bought them the day of the announcement, are now selling them for hundreds or thousands of dollars. So, what are we to make of all this?

Is Dr. Seuss Racist?

There are actually three questions here: is the man racist, are his books racist, and are those images racist? The answer to the first is, he kinda was, and then he got over it. During the war, he was openly against the Japanese, and in favor of the internment camps, then went to Japan during the occupation and realized, hey, maybe these are just people. Apparently, he wrote Horton Hears a Who in response to the US occupation and dedicated it to a Japanese friend. People can change, if you let them.

Okay, well, what about his books? This is an obvious "no". Race basically doesn't come up in Dr. Seuss stories, except "The Sneetches", which is actively against racism. Which, in some people's fevered imaginations, makes it racist. Yes, in some Olympic-level mental gymnastics, saying that whatever race you are isn't important, ie being against "racial essentialism" means that you are a racist. Such people think that the story doesn't address "structures of power" and "systemic oppression". This is true. It's instead a story about a sleazy businessman who goes in and preys on existing racial biases in order to make a buck, constantly telling people to think of their identities in terms of their outward appearance. You'd think the racial essentialists would appreciate the representation.

But I digress.

What about the images themselves? Are they racist? Not having seen all of them, I can't say for sure, but some are definitely cringy. Take the yellow skinned "Chinaman who eats with sticks" in And to Think That I Saw It on Mulberry Street. Though one could argue that the entire book uses only five colors: yellow, red, blue, and touches of purple and green, this man is the only human whose skin is colored at all. Later editions of this book have actually changed the image and text:

Honestly, I think this is fine. The meter still scans, and the image isn't straight-up removed. I mean, we could maybe discuss whether it's okay to alter an author's work, but he was alive when at least one of these these changes was made, so I think he allowed it.

Next we have some from If I Ran the Zoo, like this one, of some Asian dudes who "all wear their eyes at a slant":

I think, in this case, the text is the problem, but not the picture. Though some describe this image as "exotified", I think it's more just exaggerated, as are most of Dr. Seuss's characters. He doesn't do things half way. Aside from that, the picture is kind of cute and silly; nothing in it is derogatory or mean to the helpers. The text on the other hand... oof. Yeah, I would say this is a true example of something "offensive". I could see changing that (as long as the meter still scans!).

And then there are the fellows holding the tufted mazurka:

That's pretty bad. So bad that as a child, I don't think I actually registered that those were supposed to be humans, but rather other Seussian creatures. It doesn't help, again, that in his color pallet, people that would ordinarily be brown are now black-black, not unlike the most racist images of yesteryear. But the fact that their lips are left uncolored, I think, is what gets me. It's a little too close to black-face for comfort. Again, I think it would be okay to alter the image: color in their lips, change the shading. I know some people quibble with their costume, but some peoples do wear little amounts of clothing, so I don't think thats the issue here.

I can't speak to the other books, because I haven't seen those pictures, but I would say, yeah, some of the images and phrasing are problematic. I don't think that means the books are racist. Seuss isn't saying the Asian helpers or the African mazurka wranglers are less than the white child running the zoo. He is exotifying them to some degree, but the degree to which that is being done can, I believe, be fixed with very minor alterations.

Should the Books Be Banned?

Again, I think there are a couple questions here: are these books being banned, and should they be banned?

In our increasingly-willing-to-cancel culture, people like to talk about the difference between government censorship vs. corporate censorship, which is a valid topic. But when it comes to huge corporations like Amazon banning books from their website for hate speech or Ebay halting the ability of vendors to sell certain titles on their platform, to say "it’s a private corporation, so it's not censorship" is disingenuous. Maybe it doesn't violate the First Amendment, but it is censorship. A single bookstore refusing to sell a book, a single library refusing to carry a book, is censorship.

A single company that owns the rights to a book refusing to sell it is 100% censorship. I'm personally offended by the idea of any book being out-of-print in the day and age of print-on-demand, but I'm especially sickened when companies pull this nonsense. This is similar to foreign companies who refuse to publish novels, games, and videos in English copyright striking fanlations; they are not losing money, so why do they care?

In the case of the Seuss estate, or whoever owns the rights, all that they are doing is denying poor people access to books. That's right, if you can shell out $786 for a children's book, you can read these delightful stories. What's that? You're a single mom who works two jobs? Well, sucks to be you.

What's really vile is that people are saying, "It's only six books. You still have the others." First off, this is admitting that those six books are now censored and unavailable. Secondly, this is a stupid argument. It's like saying, "Well, the Nazi's didn't burn every book in Germany. There were plenty of others." What if I wanted to read the ones that were burned?

And that brings us to the question of whether or not those books ought to be banned. Heck, should they even be altered? Some of you might have balked at my saying I was fine with the images being changed; isn't that censorship? I think that would take it's own blog post, but here I'll just say that I don't think the changes I discussed would really alter the content, message, or meaning of the work. That being said, I don't think you have to change the images either.

That is, I think it's okay to publish, purchase, own, and read problematic material. As many commentators have pointed out, no child is going to be made into a racist by reading these books or seeing these images. Any racist or even iffy overtones are going to go right over their heads unless parents point them out. If, in the one in a million chance, your child actually notices anything wrong with the images, like "why is his skin yellow?" or something, then you can have a conversation about how sometimes, back in the day, people drew some not-so-nice pictures of Asian people and thought their skin should be painted as yellow, but we don't do that anymore, but this book was written a long time ago, etc etc. If they ask about what a Chinaman is, say it's an old word for a Chinese person, but you should never say it, because it can hurt people's feelings. Talk to your children; it isn't hard.

Should Any Books Be Banned

If you've been paying attention to what's been happening in book land lately, you'll know that Dr. Seuss's books are not the first to be put on the chopping block. Last year, Abigail Shrier's book, Irreversible Damage: The Transgender Craze Seducing Our Daughters, was removed from Target due to requests of trans activists. It was returned after backlash. Now I think it might be banned again? Who can even keep up anymore. Similarly, When Harry Became Sally: Responding to the Transgender Moment, by Ryan T. Anderson, has now been removed from Amazon for being "hate speech".

In the microcosm of the library world, I've had some people take issue with certain controversial books. When processing our new books, my part-timer picked up Irreversible Damage and asked, "Did someone request this?" as if we shouldn't have ordered it if they didn't. Both that book, and White Fragility: Why It's So Hard for White People to Talk About Racism, by Robin DiAngelo, were face out in our new book area, since they were the newest books. The former was turned backwards or put spine out with the older books multiple time by patrons, the latter turned backwards once. During the election, I found books for and against Trump hidden behind other books.

My question for people who do this in the library, and for corporations who do essentially the same thing on a massive scale, is who exactly do you think you are helping? Do you think anyone's mind is going to be changed on Trump? Or transgenderism, or white fragility, just by reading a book?

If the answer is "no", then why bother banning or hiding them? If the answer is yes, then that means you think books have the power to change minds, but you want to deny that opportunity to people. Rather than debating ideas, or writing a better book, or showing people why they shouldn't think a certain way, people are increasingly trying to banish certain ideas entirely. How dare an author question X, Y, or Z idea? How dare people be allowed to have an opinion different from the one we say they should!

What's so frustrating about cancel culture and censorship is that people think they really are trying to do the right thing. What they don't realize is, the people they cancel also think they are doing the right thing.

Take Irreversible Damage: obviously, those that want it banned think that trans kids will be hurt by the ideas expressed in the book, that they will be denied hormones and surgeries and so forth. I'm sure Abigail Shrier believes that trans kids would be hurt by no one examining the idea of wether or not they should be given hormones and surgeries as minors. Both sides care about kids. Both sides are trying to figure out how to help people. If you think that Shrier is wrong and her book is dangerous, then write a more compelling argument explaining why she's wrong.

An example of the right way to go about this is with White Fragility, a book that some people see as problematic, if not racist against white people or black people or both. People have written books specifically refuting the ideas in the book. Others have compiled titles that handle race more tactfully and that can be read instead. And that's the thing; you can choose what to read. You can choose never to read a book deemed problematic, but you have no right to take that choice away from other people.

Where Do Libraries Fall Into All This?

That "right to read" is one of the pillars or librarianship. The reason libraries exist is so that all people, regardless of money, have equal access to books, movies, and other aspects of our shared culture. We librarians understand that books are important not just for education, but also entertainment and escape. Stories are how we as humans process ideas, and everyone has a right to expose themselves to ideas--even controversial or dangerous or flat out wrong ones. They have the right to examine different sides of an issue and form their own conclusions. To try and control what a person reads is to try and control what they think, and no government or corporation has that right.

Thus, libraries don't ban books, wether those books are literary classics, modern treatises on current events and ideologies, or silly picture books by Dr. Seuss.

So it was with some concern that I got an email saying that our county library district would be taking the six Seuss books in question out of circulation. The rationale was that, given that a single book was selling for hundreds or thousands of dollars, some sticky-fingered patrons might steal then from the shelves or "lose" them after checking them out.

Though this logic was sound, I still had misgivings, especially because of incidences of library censorship in the past. Yes, even libraries have not been immune to the scourge. During the Cold War, some libraries would keep books about communism behind the reference desk so that people would have to ask to read them in the library. Not only did this potentially help identify commies, it also discouraged people from reading the books.

Thus, when our new policy is to keep the Seuss books "at the desk" and only let them be read in the library, is that not censorship? Is this accidental censorship, or perhaps intended by the very cancel culturists who want all problematic books to be sent down the memory hole?

No, I don't think it is, because--despite what the very mob who’s in favor of all of this would have you believe--intention matters. Reasons matter. We are not trying to make the books harder to read; we're trying to keep the books from becoming impossible to read. By protecting the books from theft, we're ensuring that the poor as well as the rich can enjoy Dr. Seuss's stories. This, in my mind, is similar to chained up bibles: it looks bad, until you remember that books were rare and expensive, and illuminated manuscripts even more so. If someone steals a book, no one gets to read it, but if a book is under lock and key, some people still can.

Of course, everyone could, if companies would simply stop censoring books, if stores would stop banning them, and if well-intentioned but short-sighted activists would stop digitally burning them. But maybe that's too much to hope for at present. For now, we librarians will have the books safe and sound for when you want to read them. You have only to ask.

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lalaytight · 3 years ago

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NCT 127 + Sungtaro as Uni Students

-Information Prior to Reading-

Clearing - When applying to University after the official date of the A level results, national results, the clearing section opens which allows people who did not get the required grades or have changed their mind in term of courses, apply to university and get a spot.

Dissertation - he final project completed in the last year of University, is normally around one set topic and makes up a good chunk of the final grade awarded at the end of the course.

Pre's - Stands for Pre Drinks a social event where alcohol is consumed prior to going to the clubs.

Masters- A second degree normally 12-18 months long in addition to the bachelors degree when you first graduate. Normally more specific than the first degree.

Gap Year- A year taken between finishing up school and going off to university, normally spent either saving for university or more commonly travelling the world and 'finding' yourself in a third world country on a beaten path.

Pull/ going on the pull- The act of trying to get a date or take someone home with you whilst on a night out in the clubs/ pubs. Can be either successful or unsuccessful but is a great past time.

Tactical chunder- The act of throwing up whilst drunk in order to sober yourself or remove some of the alcohol from your body. Is often done to make room for more alcohol.

Warnings: Alcohol consumption, Swearing, overall shenanigans, phallic imagery (?), Illegal substance usage

Moon Taeil

Taeil is studying a Chemisty Masters. He completed the undergrad and met a girl. The year below and didn't want to do long distance. So he signed up for a master's course so they could stay in the same area. And he has to admit it was definitely a good choice. Not only is he not having to worry about getting a job, loosing his missus to someone else or having to part from his mainly younger best friends.

He considers himself old now and therefore, isn't involved in any of the society's or sports clubs. He also can't be bothered, not between labs and reports he's got to write. He can barely make time to play fortnite yet alone serious sports. But he will sneak into any of the parties being hosted by the societies his friends are a part of. Will bring his own bottle of Gin and never take it home but its all about the atmosphere. And hanging out with his friends.

In class, Taeil works with the same lab partner for everything. He hasn't changed since September and has no intent to. He's not big on making more friends than necessary and he's got this tight bond with his current partner and therefore, doesn't bother looking for anyone else if they have to do group work. He's studious and his reports are always written well. There's also a little smiling moon placed in the top corner of any one he has to print out. It's completely against the guideline published but its so cute he gets away with it each time. Plus he's also a major teacher's pet and will stay late to help clean the lab after a session.

On a night out Taeil is plastered. He's drunk out of his mind but it's the way he likes to be. He's buying everyone drinks. His bank accounts hurts at the end of the night but he only sees it as a good night. He has no interest in pulling or trying to flirt with anyone he's a committed man. But he will attempt to help his other friends settle down. Therefore, he's everyone's wingman. A shit one but its the effort that counts. If he's lost he's by the bar ordering shots for someone he thinks is sobering up too fast.

John Suh / Johnny

What would the great Johnny Suh study at university. Well its nothing you expect it to be. He's studying building surveying. Yeah you heard that right. And he's so proud of it. The looks he gets when people ask him what he does and that's his answer. This big tall buff guy who kinda screams like he's studying something sporty. He's all about buildings. Wont even try to say he's doing archetecture. Rather he'll just bring out a folder of photos on his phone which are just him in his High Vis Jacket in a multitude of poses.

Johnny is the captain of the Rugby team, that's how he met and then adopted Jeno. He can be seen only on Wednesday at the student night wearing his rugby uniform, the university mascot drawn on his face and a bottle of beer in his hand. He starts the sing along of the rugby boys as they walk through campus. You'll know the one, where they talk or chant about their appendages. He cheers the loudest when one of the newer players join in

In class Johnny is that one guy that everyone loves. He's fun he's entertaining and he's just so nice. He's always there to help his other peeps when they're struggling responding to the questions in the course group chat on Facebook. He send's merry Christmas and happy holidays messages without fail. The cutest little messages and stuff and if you didn't expect this great six foot something guy behind the screen you'd be correct. He's so nice and polite and seemingly hard working that he can get away with anything. You wouldn't notice that he does fuck all in a group project. He's just so present you think he's contributed loads. Until you notice the only writing he has on the entire worksheet is his name.

Johnny is the ultimate party planner. He's always responsible for organising the house party or pre's and he gets absolutely everyone around. He know's Jeno and next thing you know the rest of the younger guys are round his house and Johnny's suddenly got like 7 20 something year old sons. He's bringing all the snacks and an endless supply of Magners. Anyone wants a drink, help yourself. On a night out he's the first to break off from the group. He's straight to the smoking area to light up his juul. He spends a little too long there cause he's too busy flirting but he leaves with their insta and then goes to try and bully Mark onto the dance floor. But when Mark protests and he's told to leave Taeyong's son alone, his best partner is crime Jaehyun is right by his side to go thot drop to the 90s club hits playing on the floor.

Lee Taeyong

Taeyong is another masters student. His first degree was in illustration and he hated it. Completely put him off art. He never wanted to draw for a living ever again. Never again. But he didn't know what to do with his degree. That was until he went to a careers event and there was an art therapist present, and he knew this was his calling. Or perhaps he was desperate and the way the man talked seemed to draw him in. Therefore, his masters is art therapy.

Taeyong used to be the president of the music society, and he could have stayed on another year when he started his masters. But he decided to take a step back and instead focus on his studies. Or at least pretend to. Now he just focuses on not killing his housemates and wondering why he stayed in a student house for another year. Not when he could have afforded a studio apartment.

Taeyong feels a new life for art by doing his masters course. He's slowly falling back in love with the thing his first degree ruined for him. And the therapy side is so interesting and new to him that he's constantly amazed. To the point where he goes and actually does the further reading. He might be the only one in the class to do so but that doesn't stop him. The lecturers love him because of his genuine interest in the subject and he always gets the opportunity for anything cool they put on. His interest though can be a little dangerous as he's constantly testing his new techniques out on his roommates and if he has to see one more dick drawn by Yuta one of them will not be attending lectures the next day.

Taeyong contrary to popular belief is not the mom friend on a night out. He is the next morning. But on the night out he's wild. A lightweight who sticks to drinking wine only, he likes to belief he's the light and life of the party. He isn't really but he is the one on the tables at the club throwing the best dance moves. Every time he hits the dance floor its like he starts a performance and you can't take your eyes away. Somehow he's still in control of his movement. It's a miracle but he does it somehow. And the next morning he refuses to admit he was once again performing at the club like he was on a stage in front of millions as he's forcing bread down the throats of every single housemate.

Nakamoto Yuta

Yuta doesn't seem to be a big reader when you look at him. You'd never think he'd spend most of his university time bent over a book reading it to be able to write the report about it. Probably because he doesn't but he's an English Literature student nevertheless.

Yuta belongs to the football, soccer, club and is the captain. He takes great pride in his team but will not hesitate to do a fun meaningless game often. In fact he was the one who suggested to Johnny that the football and the rugby team should play eachother at tennis of all sports to see who was the superior. Before a big match Yuta attempts to organise more practice, but its never okayed by the coach. He still goes to the pitch to wait and is disappointed every time when nobody turns up to his unofficial training session.

Yuta loves his English literature class. Mainly because they do deep dives into the book and he secretly does love reading he just doesn't like being told what books to read. He's passionate about Brontè and can tell you almost anything about the twilight universe. But he absolutely refuses to read the books for the assignments. Rather he'll scroll his way through a couple summaries, a wikipedia page and one of those websites that publish old essays instead. His grades are high and he's yet to be caught not having read really any of the books they've worked on. Rather he just flings around the terminology and hopes its actually being used. Yuta attends every lecture, not because he wants to learn. Rather because he loves going in to his class and talking to the rest of the students on his course. He's a part of a mainly female friendship group and he's not hesitant to tell them when they deserve better than the guy that's stringing them on. He's always there to remind them how they truly deserve to be treated and point out the red flags when the girls try to justify staying with them. He wouldn't ever date any of them, and he's sure many of them think he swings for the other team only. But like he's not going to protest. Unless they're being mistreated by their partners and they need to wake up. He also makes a small fortune selling his old notes to students in the year below, Jaemin has set up a monthly subscription pay to ensure he gets all the notes he can't be bothered to take.

At a party Yuta can be found drinking some sort of liquor and chatting to Doyoung in the corner. The pair are laughing like school girls and having the times of their lives. If you ever approach expect to be disgusted and possibly confused considering how much of a strong feminist he is. The pair can be found having the most controversial conversations possible. Yuta just wants to argue though and Doyoung presents a very good opportunity. When asked later he will never deny what you heard nor excuse his words, only gives a meek smile and then disappears. He's found in the grimiest bathroom normally and he's not alone. Let's leave that one up to the imagination. But he's the self proclaimed king of one night stands.

Kim Dongyoung / Doyoung

Doyoung was confused at first over what subject to take. He was torn between law and criminology. To the point where he had applied and had offers for both courses some of which being at the same university. However, when it came to results days he ended up on the criminology course. He's not pressed though.

Doyoung is not involved in any societies or sports. However, he is pretty involved in another aspect of the university community. He's very frequently involved in the university confessions page on Facebook. He's actually one of the admins. And he loves to approve and post the more controversial confessions. Especially the ones which are most likely to cause massive arguments between courses. He'll accept the confession post it and then just sit back and watch the chaos. He's Admin C.

Class wise Doyoung loves the argumentative side of the subject. Why wouldn't he be involved in the discussions and debates. It's his favourite part and he's always team captain. But when it's normal classwork he's just as involved. In his opinion if he's paying all this money for the course he's going to get as much out of it as possible. He'll do the snazzy presentation for your group project with the transitions background noises and memes. You get high scores because of this presentation. He's top of the class and has no intent of letting that position go to someone else.

On a night out he can be seen purposefully trying to stir the pot. He's a shit starter and proud and its even worse when drunk. You think someone is looking at you funny, he'll say they are and then go with you to confront them. He'll talk about something controversial and try to play devils advocate just to watch your reaction. He is also the one to have the evidence of what happened on his snapchat the next morning. A useful ally to have if you want those pictures deleted.

Jung Yoonoh/ Jaehyun

Big, tall, kinda scary looking Jaehyun is studying education. He's always wanted to be a dad, but his parents warned him of the problems of being a teenaged dad. And then again at having kids really young before you have the money needed to support them. So he had to suck up the desire to be a father until he found an happy alternative. Enter Jaehyun studying to be an Early years, ages 4-8, teacher. He can be the school father to these children and then hand them back to their parents in the afternoon.

Jaehyun used to be part of the football team until he realised he couldn't be bothered. He then tried to dabble in some of the societies but he couldn't find one he enjoyed. Rather he settled in becoming one of the campus crushes. Running a successful instagram account and taking a part in the social media take-over event the student union hosted.

Jaehyun loves his course only when he's out working on placement within the school setting. He hates the class work. But when he's in class that's where he shines, well most of the time. He loves the kids, and they love him. The bond he builds is so strong and it normally works very well in his favour the class listening to what he wants them to do and everything generally seems to go well for him. He's also a hit with the female teachers who are supervising him. To the point where he can get away with nearly anything. He'll never forget the one time he turned up after a heavy night out, hanging out of his boots, to the point he was throwing up in the students toilet and he's charm and good looks meant the female teacher he was working with let him off the hook. He swore never to drink again before going to work but he totally owed it to her for not reporting him to the university for being completely out of sorts to the point where he just put on a film all afternoon and snoozed on the desk.

When he's not got work the next morning Jaehyun is down for the longest night out he can muster. He will drag everyone to the one club that closes at 6am. By the end of the night there's only a few strong solider's left, namely Johnny, Yuta Jungwoo and himself, but he'd never stop. His wallet hurts after paying all the entry fees but it was completely worth it. His favourite student night is the naughties night that is hosted every term, he's screaming along to Beyonce and Fall out boy all night along. He's hit hard by the hangover the next morning but his cuddle buddy Taeyong is more than used to it by now and the pair sit watching reruns of Judge Judy and feeling sorry for themselves.

Dong Sicheng/ WinWin

Included in WayV link pending

Kim Jungwoo

Jungwoo might arguably be the smartest of the bunch and he won't let you forget when he's proudly stating he studies Engineering. He deserves to as well cause the course is hard. He's a mathematical genius and he's dream is to go on to study robotics afterwards.

Jungwoo is a proud member of the Harry Potter society. Well kinda, his housemates all know he's a part of the society and he's very active talking about it to them all. But he won't actively tell people he's apart of it outside his close friends. It's mainly because he's embarrassed that he's one of the younger members normally heavily surrounded by middle aged women. But he wouldn't leave, he's too deep in the fan fiction they're collectively writing. #JusticeforWolfStar.

Jungwoo is relatively quiet in class choosing to stick with his selected course mate group. He doesn't tend to speak to anyone outside his tutor group and instead focuses more on just trying to pass each assignment sent his way. He does try his hardest to stay on top of the work assigned for him, and tries to put his effort in. But as he gets closer and closer to the end of the course he cannot find it in himself to put as much effort in as he did in his second year, he was pissed or high for most of his first year to say he was putting his uttermost effort in. He is however, well known for bringing the best weed brownies to the tutor group parties. It's a secret recipe he refuses to tell anyone how he does it.

If you've lost Jungwoo on a night out he's 1000% in the smoking area. If he's not lit up he's sat there chatting people up left right and centre. It's his favourite socialisation point and he states he can always find the most interesting people in the smoking area. And normally get a couple of free cigarettes out of it. He's the first to ask if you've got a lighter he can use. He's a big fan of hitting the gay club at about 3am because their drinks are normally cheaper and it stays open the latest. Also because there's a chance he'll bump into a drag queen.

Mark Lee

Included in NCT Dream's version

Lee Donghyuck/ Haechan

Included in NCT Dream's version

Osaki Shotaro

Shotaro is another student studying theatre studies. At first he wanted to just study Dance but then decided he liked the idea of studying more of the entire theatre style. So he randomly applied for one theatre studies course. He was accepted and didn't look back.

Therefore, as part of the group studying theatre he has to take part in the productions the university put on. Well it's not a exact demand for the course but it's heavily implied. And Shotaro doesn't mind, especially when he successfully lands the role of Dance captain every single time. It's his favourite thing to go up to the cast announcement list and see his name next to dance captain. He also loves attending all the costume fittings ensuring to arrive as early as possible and drag it out for a little while longer. It's most likely because he's got a crush on one of the students working on the costumes, but he's way too shy to actually ask them out.

Shotaro can normally be found staying late in some of the practice rooms. Despite his dancing skills, being part of the theatre course means he has to be involved in the other sides and his confidence is lacking. Therefore, he is working his hardest until he feels like he's on par with some of the other students. He mainly gets help from Haechan who's taken a liking to the other boy and the pairs mutual love for Justin Bieber solidified their friendship.

Another lightweight, Shotaro is cautious of how much he has to drink at any point of the night. He likes to still be in control and therefore has never been black out drunk. But he has tried a little bit of everything. Plus Yuta has practically adopted him on nights out and therefore, if Shotaro is tempted for a drink he'll get one but never has to pay for it. And no Yuta doesn't pay for it either but they do con some unsuspecting person into paying for them both.

Jung Sungchan

Sungchan was another confused at first on which subject he wanted to study at university. He was torn between just Media and then the more specific Film Studies. Though after one very intense talk from a Film studies tutor at sixth form he did chose Film studies.

He's also involved in the school productions, he has the responsibility of filming the performances, well at least one or two of them, so that they can upload them to the theatre society's YouTube channel. He is also in charge of organising the lightening of the show when he's not working the camera. When he has to focus on the recording he just ends up praying the lightening works as he leaves it partially under the control of Jisung and knows if he dares has a go at the societies baby he's dead.

Sungchan is that one member of the class who seems to always have the best editing software on his laptop and the most intense amount of knowledge regarding it. When anyone asks he only states it because he didn't want to look like an idiot on his first couple days. The truth is that he runs a rather successful YouTube channel where he makes edits and crack videos. Sony after effects is his best friend.

On a night out Sungchan lets loose. He absolutely loves the feeling of alcohol in his system. He becomes clumsy and for his size it can cause many problems but he wouldn't have it any other way. He tends to have to be guided through a dance floor by someone else to avoid bumping into people and spilling his over priced double vodka and coke. He's desperate to head for food at about 2am and rushes to follow someone the instant they mention being hungry.

#nct127 #nct scenarios #nct fluff #nct imagines #college au #university au #thecollegeaunooneaskedforpart2 #nct au #nct drabbles #sungtaroareincludedtoo

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bobasheebaby · 5 years ago

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Royal Ruby- Cordonian Ruby chapter 5

Pairing: Olivia x Bastien; Ruby Rys

Word count: 2,113

Warnings: angst, no triggers that I can think of, mention of dead parents, grab the tissue box folks this one is rough

Summary: Ruby’s is thrown by a loop after reading a letter from her parents.

A/N: Olivia stopped dying and cutting her hair when Ruby was five.

A/N2: You might recognize a bulk of the letter from TRH but I have added a lot to make it so much worse.

A/N3: A major thanks @sirbeepsalot for all your graping, prereading, editing, and telling me when to let go. I love you boo!

Series warnings: character death, blood, surgical procedures done by non medical personnel, may go NSFW in the future. May contain gun violence, knife violence, threats, not sure how dark this will go. By requesting to be tagged you acknowledge you are at least 18 years of age.

Let me know if you want to be added or removed from the taglist.

Disclaimer: I own Ruby, Galen, and Lovett, I’m borrowing Bastien and Olivia from PB.

Ruby’s hands shook as she slid the letter opener under the flap of the sealed envelope. She’d always questioned her name, with golden blonde locks, and sapphire blue eyes she had always found her name to be more fitting of someone with crimson locks, like her Mama. Her Papa always told her he’d promised to give her the name moments before she was born.

She knew her mother died shortly after or before her birth, her Papa wasn’t clear on exactly when, he always grew quiet when asked. She heard her mother was strong and brave, and had a wonderful singing voice, but not much else.

She carefully pulled the crisp white paper from the yellowed envelope. She had been puzzled when her Papa handed it to her, all he or her Mama would say was it was time to learn the truth, her truth.

She ran her fingers over the elegantly scripted words.

Our dearest child,

We’ve been looking forward to your arrival. We’ve been counting the hours until the day you are born. We can’t wait to hold you and see your face for the very first time.

Most importantly, we’re going to be a family. Always there for each other. Ready to understand and believe. We will always be there for you if you ever find yourself in need of a guiding hand or a loving hug.

Life is full of surprises. Ups and downs. Sometimes things don’t go as planned, but we’ll love and support you no matter what.

Ruling Cordonia will seem like a big job, but your mother and I have every faith in your ability. Know that you come from a long line of people who once walked a similar path. Though things may seem daunting, we know that you shall preserve just as those before you have.

Ruby paused. Cordonia. The name felt familiar, like she should know where or when she heard it. Her mind falling blank. She pursed her lips as she continued to read. She could work on placing how she knew the country later.

You have so much strength and courage and you aren’t even here yet, but I know this because all I have to do is look at your mother to know you will take after her. You will be strong and courageous just as she’s always been and have the kind and loving heart we both contain. You will be the best of both of us.

Please remember times aren’t always easy, but you can do anything with the right people by your side. We have both learned that from each other and the love of our friends.

In spite of the hardships you may face, know that Cordonia will appreciate all the creativity and heart you bring to each challenge. Because we know you will be ready to take on anything. There are lots of twists and turns in life, and you need to keep your head on a swivel and your mama on speed dial.

We know that we can teach the lessons you’ll need to weather any storm.

We’re already so proud of the wonderful things we know you’ll do, of the person we know you’ll be. And we couldn’t be more proud to call you ours or love you more.

Love,

With all our hearts

Mom & Dad

Ruby watched as fresh tears dropped on the page, mingling with those dried tears of her parents. Her parents. She always knew her Mama and Papa weren’t blood, but they, along with her siblings were all she ever had.

She stared down at her father’s elegant script, watching as the fresh tears blur the once-crisp black letters. She felt as though she understood who they were even in a few lines.

Her eyes retraced the words, falling on two that made her heart race; Ruling Cordonia.

Cordonia. She couldn’t get the word out of her head. She knew she heard or saw it somewhere before. Maybe at school. She laid the letter on the bed and picked up her phone quickly typing Cordonia into the search bar.

I know this place. She could feel it in her bones that she had a connection to this place she was apparently set to rule before today.

She clicked the top link and slowly scrolled down the page as she scanned the words. She let out a gasp and her heart clenched when she reached the picture of the last king.

Her lip trembled and tears welled in her eyes. She did know this country, she read about it when she was ten, she could remember the strange connection she had felt as she had read about the royal family before.

She had found it odd that she shed tears for a family she never knew. She scrolled down further stopping at a picture of the king and his queen on their wedding day, beneath was the only family portrait. The queen wore a peach and gold gown and she was visibly pregnant. King Liam and Queen Carolyn one week before the accident, heir unborn and unnamed.

Tears silently streaked down her cheeks. These were her parents. God, I look so much like both of them.

Something isn’t right. She survived, yet the page clearly stated that none of the royal family had survived. Why do they think I’m dead?

She glanced at her letter, the one her parents had given her. They had told her this would reveal her truth, they knew. She wanted to be furious that they had lied to her all her life, but there had to be a reason. Her mama always told her that the reason may not always be clear but it’s always there.

She picked up her letter standing, she needed answers and she wouldn’t get them from some website. She needed to speak to her parents.

- - -

“Mama, Papa, can we talk … ” Ruby held up the unfolded letter, “about this?”

Olivia nodded, shooing away Ruby’s younger brothers with a look. “Come sit, and tell us what questions you have.” She patted the seat next to her.

Ruby slowly walked towards the only mother she ever knew, a great ache in her chest. Her stomach twisted in knots, all she’d ever known was about to change, didn't it already? Since learning who her parents were she had felt like a hundred-pound weight had been placed upon her head.

Was she really ready to have the only life she ever knew crash down around her like a simple house of cards? Was she ready for her life to change completely?

She swallowed as she sat beside Olivia on the couch laying the letter on her lap. Her sapphire eyes glanced down at the letter, though she nearly had it memorized. “Umm … ” suddenly her mouth went dry. She looked up, her eyes locking on the familiar steely grey of her Papa. “Is — is this real?” She stumbled over the words, she began to question if she was fit for the title she was born to. I’m not cut out to be a princess, I can’t even speak to the parents who raised me. Wait, my parents died … am I already queen? “Am — am I really a — a princess?”

“Ruby’s a princess?!” Lovett gasped, his head peeking from behind the door.

Olivia’s eyes narrowed as she gave her youngest child a warning glare. “Lovett, you and Galen go and wait in your rooms, we will explain everything later.”

“Fine,” Lovett replied, shoulders slumping as he stomped off, he never got to have any fun.

Olivia turned back to her daughter, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder. “You are a queen.”

A million questions ran through her head in a millisecond. What really happened to her parents? Why wasn’t she raised in a palace? Why did everyone think she was dead? Only one question slipped past her lips. “How?”

Bastien and Olivia locked eyes, a silent conversation shared between them before Olivia told her how she’d been best friends with Ruby’s father, watched him fall in love with her mother and both of them fight any obstacle in their way, together. Ruby sat silent, occasionally nodding as she processed every word.

She listened as they recounted that a king and queen of a neighboring nation wanted to force her parents into marrying her off to one of their children before she was even born. How her parents refused, stating their child would marry for love, not alliance. They tried to come to some sort of agreement without a betrothal contract, but the king persisted. He was foolish with his own country’s funds and wanted Cordonia’s, no matter the cost.

Her breath caught in her throat as her Papa explained that he was her father’s head guard, that they had been on their way to the hospital when they were run off the road. Tears silently slipped down her cheeks as he told her that her father died trying to protect both her and her mother upon impact. He spared her the details but told her that her mother only lived long enough to tell him to name her baby Ruby and to protect her.

Fresh tears rolled down her cheeks as she truly felt the painful loss of her parents for the first time in all her life. She lost out on knowing her parents because a king couldn’t stand being told no. The part she read about him being a dictator finally made sense. He killed them, took them away from me.

She wiped her cheeks and took a deep breath. She needed to hear more, exactly what had happened to her family.

After she urged him to continue he told her how he had cut her from her mother. He told her how every thought had been: be alive. He told her the relief he felt as she took her first breath. She sniffled as she was told she was wrapped in her father’s jacket, which they later found her letter in.

She looked up, surprised to see the man who was always calm in any situation was silently crying himself as he spoke. “I’m sorry Papa, I didn’t mean to —”

“You deserve to know Ruby,” Olivia said. “Let me take over.” She took a deep breath. “Papa walked to where I lived, he was a guard, I was a duchess. Where I grew up, we had more snow than sun.”

“That’s why you always loved the snow.”

Olivia nodded with a soft smile that quickly drifted away. “There was a storm that night, and it was a wonder you and Papa didn’t freeze to death. Papa arrived covered in blood, clutching you to his chest in the middle of the night. He nearly scared my majordomo half to death.

When I saw Papa holding you to his chest I instantly knew. He asked me for help getting you out of the country, we both knew you would be safer elsewhere. I quickly decided it would be safer for you if I went with you both. We’ve used more aliases than I could possibly recount, we moved a lot when you were little. We always posed as husband and wife with a beautiful daughter.” She looked down at her hands. “At some point, I’m not sure when the lines blurred, we got closer, and by your fifth birthday I was pregnant with Galen.”

“So that’s why we always changed names when we moved.”

“Yes,” Olivia patted her hand, “to keep you safe, to keep us all safe.”

“What does it all mean?”

“Well, you are the rightful queen, there might be some pushback but with the head guard and a duchess backing your claim, it would be harder for them to contest.” Olivia pushed back a wave of golden hair. “Besides you look so much like both your mother and father, no one could deny that you are theirs, a Rys.”

“Oh.” Ruby looked down at her hands. When she woke in the morning she never expected her life to change so drastically.

“Of course, you don’t have to claim your title. Papa and I would completely understand if you wanted to continue being a Johnson.”

“No.” Ruby shook her head, the answer coming automatically surprising even herself. Once the word was out she knew she couldn’t answer any other way. “You said I’m a Rys, I’ve always been a Rys — no matter what name I used. Cordonia is my home and I have to take it back.”

Olivia smiled again at Ruby, proud at the Nevrakis strength she was exuding. “Let’s get ready to go home.”

Feedback fuels me, please like, comment reblog or send an ask. Feel free to scream, I promise I can take it.

Masterlist can be found in my bio.

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buyatviptv · 4 years ago

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5 Cost-Saving Alternatives to Cable

Are you thinking of getting rid of cable? If so, you're not alone. In the past few years, millions of Americans have cut off the ropes, and millions more may follow suit in the future.

The benefits of giving up the cable?

Why are so many people giving up cable subscriptions? The process has many benefits, including:

It saves money

Enjoy the show you want to watch (no more blind channel surfing)

gain more diversity (fewer repeat channels)

Improved quality of presentation

Get rid of the cable can also open your schedule and give you more time to pursue other interests —— Maybe you'll start exercising or start meditating!

Explore the best cable alternatives

If you are interested in removing the cable, but not sure what you will replace it with, please keep reading.

Here are some good cable alternatives that can help you save money and also allow you to access all your favorite TV shows.

There are many reasons to consider giving up the cable. try to replace it with one of these five cable options.

1.network

For example, you've already paid Netflix subscription (or simulated mom/cousin/best friend room mat

2.Hyacinthians

Netflix's biggest drawback is that you can't watch your favorite show of the current season.

And that's what Hulu does. The price of Hulu is about the same as a Netflix subscription, you can broadcast the latest programs directly to TV or tablet.

It also offers a variety of movies and its own original programs.

3.Amazon gold video

Amazon is not just for shopping. It also has a huge library of movies and TV shows. If Amazon doesn't Prime videos, you can pay to watch or rent a season or episode.

Amazon's Prime Video is more expensive than some other options. But if you pay the annual membership fee in advance, the monthly price will be lower, and you can get all the other benefits related to the membership fee.

4.YouTube website

YouTube is a good resource for cat video. But it is also a good resource for TV programs and movies. the company is also committed to creating its own original content (monthly membership) that competes with Netflix and other services.

5.International television

Finally, you may also wish to study the use of IPTV services. So you can watch TV programs in different countries, and you can also transmit your favorite programs directly to the TV, mobile phone, or tablet.

A lot of IPTV boxes, For example, ATV IPTV is a very good choice!

#iptv free trial #iptv trial #free trial iptv #free iptv trial #trial iptv #iptv free trials #iptv trials #iptv trial subscription

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allthebooksandcrannies · 4 years ago

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Just some thoughts on maturity...

This is going to get long so there’ll be more under the cut.

I saw a post the other day about how it can be tempting particularly for the older crowd on this website to judge or condescend those who seem to struggle with expressing or holding truly complex ideas and instead getting stuck in a binary mentality of good vs bad or us vs them. then the post went on to point out that its not really their fault considering that a major proportion of tumblr users are under 25 (according to this report, 39% of users are under 25 and 66% are under 35) and devopmentally this is really where we see the ability to hold complex feelings and accept the existence of multiple realities really start to develop and it was kind of an epiphany for me.

I don’t want to come across as condescending, after all, i’m part of that 39% myself and can admit that i’m still working on this skillset. But part of emotional maturity is being able to accept and understand that the world is a complicated or gray place and morality is, if not exactly relative, at least exists on a continuum (what is acceptable and even praise-worthy in one culture might be taboo or reprehensible in another [which is why we need to avoid judging past or foreign cultures by our own cultural norms/morals]).

Just as it is possible to do the wrong thing for the right reasons or the right thing for the wrong reasons and it be both right and wrong at the same time, there can be multiple truths and “realities” at the same time without either being more or less correct than the other. I know that might sound confusing or convoluted but let me explain. You’ve probably heard the expression that there are three truths: your truth, my truth, and the actual truth is somewhere in the middle. I agree with this to an extent. People can look at the same experience and come up with radically different narratives to explain what happened to themselves or others and generally they are both a little biased because the brain naturally works from an egocentric point of view (this isn’t necessarily the same thing as a selfish/arrogant pov, but that we tend to view things based on their relationships to ourselves even if they aren’t actually connected to us, ie a child that sees that their parent is upset about something that happened during their day but assumes that it is somehow their own fault, which gets into some theory of mind stuff that is honestly a whole other post and not really the point).

An example from my own life, is a common argument that my mother and i rehash a lot lately. Just going off of the things actually said aloud (which is only ever half the argument), my mom likes to ask for constant progress reports on things like my thesis or grad school applications or my love life and then proceeds to tell me what she thinks i should do. Sometimes i humor her and let it go, but other times i try to explain that talking about the things that i’m anxious about actually makes my anxiety related procrastination worse and that i would appreciate it if she wouldn’t ask as often. Those are the main events that lead up to it.

From what i can tell, she views her questions as good parenting. She has told me before that she felt hurt as a kid by how uninvolved her parents were in her own adolescence/early adulthood and doesn’t want to make same mistakes. She then takes my request not to ask as a rejection of her parenting, and usually responds by telling me that i should stop being bothered because she’s just trying to help and i’ll feel better if i just do what she’s suggesting (and then proceeds to say “see, aren’t you glad you have a mom who pushes you to do these things” once i finish a project.)

there really is no winning because my mother has never really learned that the things you do to be helpful can still be harmful. in her mind, she can’t be in the wrong because that would make her a bad mom and she can’t be a bad mom because she loves us. sure, she might be able to accept this idea in fiction or in the abstract, but isn’t able to put it into practice because that is a learned skill that she has never known to try to learn. i think a lot of people end up stuck there. tbh its still my first instinct a lot of the time and its only through a lot of courses geared towards developing critical thinking and empathy, a lot of fiction meta analysis, and reading about a million fanfics that each interpret the same canon event differently based on the author’s personal experiences coloring what they viewed as important.

my first instinct is to view my mother’s refusal to change her behavior as a disrespect/invalidation of my feelings. I feel guilty because i know that i should do the things she’s suggesting but that is never the issue, the issue is that i have trouble actually making myself do it. For a long time that egocentric worldview (and that instinct kids have to implicitly trust hteir gaurdians) told me that both the executive dsyfunction and the fighting were my fault. It felt like she was saying that if i was better or smarter or more mature surely i would be able to do this on my own. it felt like she was saying that if i was a better daughter i wouldn’t hurt her feelings like this.

But i’ve been learning that neither one of us were truly correct and we both were at the same time. Those feelings and concerns were real to us, even if we were both projecting our own insecurities onto the other person. Those feelings were valid and understandable but (and this is incredibly important) that did not give either one of us a free pass on how we acted on those insecurities. It didn’t make us bad people but it did mean that we were engaging in toxic behavior that just hurt both of us.

So, the question becomes “what do i do with that?” Now that i know we were both responding from a place of trauma and insecurity in the past, how do we change how we act in the future? I think we have to get to a point where we can look at a situation and truly try to understand the internal dialogue that the other side is experiencing in the moment (why they feel the way they feel, do we really have evidence that they feel what we think they feel or are we projecting, are they acting well-intentioned/malicious or are they even considering the ramifications at all/do they have any conscious intentions) and come to a point where we can truly empathize with them, not sympathize with them, not feel sorry for them, but truly see it from their side and understand where they are coming from. we should remember that we’re all a little broken. and we should be gracious and merciful.

That doesn’t mean we have to be happy about it. We don’t even need to think that they have a good point or that their pov is reasonable or forgivable (sometimes it just isn’t, and its important to understand that too). But it means not dehumanizing the enemy or oversimplifying their position into the general “bad guy” role. You can forgive without absolving and you can understand and show compassion without forgiving or accepting.

You need to set boundaries, and you need to accept that at the end of the day the way that they respond is not on you, not if you’ve acted based on that understanding we talked about earlier and treated them with at least the bare amount of dignity we are all entitled to as human beings.

Returning to the previous example, with my mother, i now make a point when we disagree of first summarizing and acknowledging the validity of what i understand her intent to be, making it clear that i appreciate that she cares and is trying to be helpful. Then i explain my point of view not as what she makes me feel (because that would come across as judgement that would prompt natural, though incredibly unhelpful defensiveness) but as to how i feel based on my interpretation of the action. I try to make this sound as nonjudgemental as possible without making it anyone’s fault, including my own (which i admit can be easier said than done). Then, i give an alternative suggestion for what would actually be helpful and then it is in her hands. It is up to her whether or not to accept the boundary i have set up.

In an ideal world she would respect my wishes and alter her behavior. after all, she is supposed to be the adult/parent in this relationship. the emotional labor isn’t supposed to be on the child, at least not the majority of it.

(side note: this goes for relationships of equals such as significant others, friends, siblings, extended families, and peers. in a healthy relationship of equals you should be splitting the emotional labor equally. if they aren’t trying as hard as you are, you probably need to have a conversation about that and based on the outcome then evaluate how much, if any, of yourself is safe/healthy to continue to pour into the relationship)

But because many people, adults and adolescents alike, have not reached this level of emotional maturity and can’t honestly/completely accept or acknowledge their own flaws and mistakes without their sense of self taking a hit, sometimes its not enough. My mother, no matter how respectfully i phrase my concerns and request, continues to insist on asking the same nagging questions that trigger a lot of my childhood emotional drama related to being good enough for my parents impossible standards. I understand why she behaves the way that she does but the fact of the matter is that she still continues to hurt me and no longer has plausible deniability in those situations. I have the right to be angry, though i do not have the right to lash out or respond in kind.

I do, however, have the right and the responsibility to myself to do what i can to protect myself from further harm. I still want a positive relationship with my mother, we have plenty of good moments and are very similar people. But i have to be willing and able to remove myself from unsafe situations. Usually that means making it clear that i won’t be answering the questions and not calling or texting with her until the point is made (even if this leaves her surly).

I had to lower my expectations for her as well. I had a high opinion of my mother because she can be very nurturing and compassionate, especially when we are in agreement. So i thought on some level that if i shared the information and the sources that prompted me to begin my own journey of self-actualization and personal growth in earnest that she would react similarly and understand why i needed her to at least try to do the same. Piece of advice, kiddos, it’s not your job to fix someone, no matter how much you love them nor how much potential they have. It needs to be on them, and they need to make that decision for themselves or it won’t work anyway.

I am trying to accept that unless she makes the decision on her own, she isn’t going to become the mother i want her to be. That’s an incredibly sad thing to realize about someone you love, but its true. If i don’t let that expectation go, our relationship will always be one of disappointment and eventually resentment. Instead, I've had to evaluate what conversations we are and are not able to have in a healthy manner, and just let things be what they will be. I know my own worth (when my brain chemistry cooperates) and i have a lot of good, healthy relationships in my life that i can turn to when i need something my mom doesn’t know how to give me.

It’s painful to grow and realize you’re leaving people behind in the process. You can offer them the tools to follow, and give them the support that they need to do so, but only if they want to.

But i promise you its worth it. When you accept your own worth with rather than despite your own flaws, when you learn to do the same with others, you realize that there’s a lot more hope for humanity than you thought. we are capable of so many great things if we are in an environment that fosters our best selves. and even when we are not, we are still capable of growing past our trauma and hurt so that we don’t have to continue the cycle of pain and misery. We can’t control everyone and everything around us, they still have a measure of personal responsibility to themselves and others that you can’t absolve them from. But you can be an example to them. You can show them through your own life and actions that things can be better, even if they weren’t aware of how much they need things to improve, or how much they deserve it. You deserve good things but you wait for someone to solve it for you. You have to fight for yourself and struggle against falling into the trap of the familiar. It is going to be scary, it is going to be confusing. there will be times when you don’t trust your own interpretations of your emotions and perceptions (especially if you weren’t taught to do so as a kid, its not your fault, but what happens next is up to you). When those times come you’re going to want to have good friends or mentors at your side or as a source of hope that things will be better and that there are people who can and will offer you the help you need along the way. No one can do it alone, and you don’t have to. For me, my college roommates were my first clue that maybe things weren’t as good with my mother as i assumed, they fostered my confidence and my self-worth and i was constantly afraid i was going to scare them away but they had my back. I didn’t think i deserved to be happy, i didn’t think i was worthy for anything outside what i could do or give for others and they showed me that i was worthy just as i was. it was creators like @goldkirk and @maychorian and @cdelphiki and @sohotthateveryonedied that taught me through their works what healthy family relationships (particularly between parent and child) should look like, what unhealthy relationships can do to you, and that families of choice are just as valuable as those of law or blood. And @goldkirk especially, i want you to know that reading your blog, be it the ups, or the downs, your knowledge of things like child development and mental health, and even the things that you find helpful and reblog have meant so much to me. I have a lot in common with your Tim and with you and you have given me so much hope and confirmation and affirmation that i’m not alone in my experiences and that i deserve to be happy, even if the road isn’t a straight line. and lately i have to say thank you to @mahpotatoequeen for just straight up deciding to be my new mom this summer. I don’t have the words for how much i appreciate you and how much it meant to me that in one of the worst crisis of my life that there was someone who saw the things i had posted just to get out of my system, things i had never said to anyone before and that came from a really broken and painful place, and reached out and stuck around rather than just continuing to scroll and go about their day.

But I digress. My point is that there are people out there that you can learn from and there are people out there who will care. And maybe we all owe it to each other to strive to become the healthiest version of ourselves, so that maybe someday we can be that for someone else. just a thought.

(I can’t find the original post i referenced earlier but if someone knows what i’m talking about plz send me the link so i can give credit where credit is due)

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gtviptv · 4 years ago

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5 Cost-Saving Alternatives to Cable

Are you thinking of getting rid of cable? If so, you're not alone. In the past few years, millions of Americans have cut off the ropes, and millions more may follow suit in the future.

The benefits of giving up the cable?

Why are so many people giving up cable subscriptions? The process has many benefits, including:

It saves money

Enjoy the show you want to watch (no more blind channel surfing)

gain more diversity (fewer repeat channels)

Improved quality of presentation

Get rid of the cable can also open your schedule and give you more time to pursue other interests —— Maybe you'll start exercising or start meditating!

Explore the best cable alternatives

If you are interested in removing the cable, but not sure what you will replace it with, please keep reading.

Here are some good cable alternatives that can help you save money and also allow you to access all your favorite TV shows.

There are many reasons to consider giving up the cable. try to replace it with one of these five cable options.

1.network

For example, you've already paid Netflix subscription (or simulated mom/cousin/best friend room mat

2.Hyacinthians

Netflix's biggest drawback is that you can't watch your favorite show of the current season.

And that's what Hulu does. The price of Hulu is about the same as a Netflix subscription, you can broadcast the latest programs directly to TV or tablet.

It also offers a variety of movies and its own original programs.

3.Amazon gold video

Amazon is not just for shopping. It also has a huge library of movies and TV shows. If Amazon doesn't Prime videos, you can pay to watch or rent a season or episode.

4.YouTube website

5.International television

A lot of IPTV boxes, For example, GTV IPTV is a very good choice!

#iptv trials #iptv trial subscription #iptv free trial uk

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palindromelorich · 4 years ago

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I’m putting this into the universe to see what sticks.

Joe Alwyn and Queen of Cats Taylor Swift became engaged right around Christmas 2018. Directly after proposing, Taylor could not sleep, got up and went to the piano, wrote Lover in its entirety. Contacted Jack Antonoff about the track, flew to New York the next day, recorded the track. (The latter bit of that we know, because they’ve talked about it in interviews. My real hypothesis comes into play on the events leading up to the writing of the masterpiece track.) I also think this timeframe due to a particular post on IG by Joe, who is notoriously quiet on social media platforms, of him walking through nature with another shadow by his side. It all looks so peaceful—why wouldn’t they want to go and escape the world for a while?

Paper Rings was probably written shortly thereafter, as maybe there was some concern about not giving a large ring (like others, I think the ring in the “cardigan” music video is her wedding ring set) and perhaps the song was penned as reassurance that no matter what kind of ring, Our Cat Lady would love to be by his side. The ring is clearly a family heirloom and honestly is insanely gorgeous—I’ve been looking for something similar myself. We’ve seen this ring before—she was wearing it in the Billboard photoshoot in October 2019, the Tiny Desk NPR Concert in October 2019 (where she removes it as the cameras started doing more intimate shots and simultaneously when discussing what on earth she’ll ever do if she ever “gets happy”, which as far as interview questions go, has GOT to be the worst one other than sexist, nonsensical questions) and I’m pretty sure I spotted it during her SNL performance October 2019 as well.

Now for folklore, we’re presented with outstanding writing and almost entirely imagined stories, but 2 in particular stand out as being very personal to Mother of Cats—invisible string and peace. By this point we’ve all pieced together the clever flip of both the string type and direction of said string. Most of the song is an invisible string tying you to me (Joe to Olivia’s Mother), but in the bridge, it flips. Suddenly we are confronted with one single thread of gold tying me to you (Meredith’s Mom to Joe). (I feel after all these years that nobody commands a bridge quite like Benjamin’s Mama.)

Cut to “peace” (my FAVORITE track from the album. Possibly my favorite of all of her tracks ever). There’s no established rhythm beyond the reverb of the synth, so the words can really take center stage and allow us to see that these. Are. Vows. I’m a fire and I’ll keep your brittle heart warm, I’ll be here for you when you may be experiencing extreme sadness (cascading ocean wave blues). I’ll be here for the good times (swinging for the fences) and the bad (in the trenches). Is it enough? If you stand with me, the rain will always come—our life will never be peaceful, but we can give each other everything else. (Gah, I just really, really love this song.) She references her chosen family now that she sees his brother as her brother, a similar comparison in “the 1” where the chosen family is the family you gain in marriage. “Now that I see your brother as my brother” means they already got married (and I am SO HAPPY).

But now comes the question of “when?” Back to “invisible string” she writes of lunch down by The Lakes for their 3-year trip (end of September/early October, which coincides perfectly with the above events/videos where the ring can be seen). Our missing track is “the lakes”. This track is most certainly going to let us know about a very private, intimate ceremony that took place last fall. I hope it doesn’t also tell us that she’s taking a break from music for a while, but I fully support this decision whenever it comes about. (I say as though my support means anything in the sea of MILLIONS of fans.) Empress of the Meow Kids would want to make sure that Queen Andrea would be able to see her get married, and where better than a remote region in England.

Also, August 7th is when we’ll first learn that they are married. When the track list got released, we all saw that we had “seven” followed by “august”. The album is letting us know when we’re learning their most spectacular news. (I wondered for a moment if this is the wedding anniversary, but I’m certain they had a fall intimate ceremony.) When the album dropped and we could order merchandise and music from the website, we were given the estimate of 2-3 weeks shipping, meaning the first set of CDs with “the lakes” would be arriving in the hands of eager fans on... *drumroll* 7 August. The album now being available to preorder and ship through Target for a delivery starting August 7th only further confirms my thought that we’re getting BIG NEWS on 7 August.

My only final hope is that Meredith, Olivia, and Benjamin were able to attend and participate. Wedding purrty of 3.

ALSO ALSO I love the idea of them just getting lunch down by the lakes after a morning ceremony and a waitress not knowing who she is. No catered party. No over the top ceremony. Simple exchange of vows, probably parents and brothers. And this waitress saw them and thought they looked familiar, but didn’t know why. All these people think love’s for show, but she would die for him in secret. And married him in secret.

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the-regal-warrior · 5 years ago

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Cadre Weaponry: Part One

Okay, so I know I’ve been teasing my new AU for a while, and it’s finally finished. This story was an absolute monster to write, and I wanted the whole thing to be finished before I posted it. It’s the longest story I’ve ever written - and it’s the only one I’ve ever finished. The official word count is 34,341 words.

That being said, it will be posted in six parts, starting tonight, with one part a night. I really hope you all like it, because it has meant everything to me.

Before I get into it, I’d like to give a brief shoutout to the following people: @city-of-fae @tangledraysofsunshine @nalgenewhore @musicmaam and @highqueenofelfhame

The five of them have put up with me talking about this story for probably a month now. They helped me figure out characters, they edited, they let me bounce ideas off of them, they let me spam them with updates, and, most importantly, they encouraged me to keep going. I love you all so much, and I’m so grateful for all of you.

Summary: Welcome to Cadre Weaponry - the shop for all your weapons needs, both antique and modern! Join the boys of the Cadre as they become friends and tackle this thing we call life. Maybe, just maybe, they’ll even find love along the way.

Warnings: Not a whole lot, although there might be some language. There will be smut in later chapters, but nothing in this one, as this is the introductory chapter.

PRESENT DAY

Vaughan walked through the front door, eyes sweeping through the store as he made his way to his office. Gavriel was at the front desk, watching over the till and keeping an eye on the few customers who were browsing the aisles this early in the morning. Along the far wall, Fenrys was helping one man as he looked at the swords, no doubt answering any questions he had. Rowan and Lorcan were both in their offices - the former on the phone with a customer and the latter typing away on his computer. Connall, it seemed, had yet to arrive, but Vaughan had no doubt he’d be in soon.

Vaughan just grinned to himself as he sat at his desk chair, tapping the spacebar on his keyboard as he settled in for another day. The screen flashed to life, the store’s logo flashing as it prompted him for his password.

Cadre Weaponry.

If someone had told him seven years ago this is what he’d be doing with his life, he would’ve never believed them.

But here he was, doing a job he loved and working with his five best friends. It hadn’t been the easiest of journeys to get to where they were, but they’d made it.

SEVEN YEARS, FOUR MONTHS, AND EIGHT DAYS AGO

Connall followed his brother into their first class of the morning, already dreading the next hour and twenty minutes. Even though both he and Fenrys were business majors, and this was a business class, with one of his favorite professors, he wasn’t looking forward to the class.

Their professor had announced the major project for the entirety of the semester - creating their own mock business - at the end of the last class. Usually this would be a project Connall was all about, but then the professor had dropped the other shoe.

It was a group project.

It wasn’t that Connall didn’t like working with other people - hell, he and Fenrys were partners for every project they could have partners for. It was more the size of the group that deterred him. Groups could be no smaller than four people and no larger than six.

That was a lot of people to rely on for a group project. Especially because their professor had informed them that the group with the most developed project by the end of the semester would be asked to present their work at a conference with investors.

Casting his eyes around the room, he sized up his fellow classmates as possible candidates for members of his group.

Across the room, Fenrys was already in a conversation with Rowan Whitethorn, who had been his best friend for years. Clearly, he was already a member of the group.

That left one more spot to fill - no way Connall was dealing with more people than was strictly necessary. Huffing a sigh at his possible options, his gaze finally landed on Vaughan Osten. He and Connall had met as freshman in a required math course, and though he wouldn’t call him a friend, Connall trusted his work enough to ask him to join their group.

Resigned to his fate, Connall just sank into his seat and turned his gaze back to the front of the classroom, waiting for their professor to start the day.

~*^*~

As soon as the professor announced that everyone should split up into their groups, Vaughan caught Connall’s eye across the room. Nodding once, he hauled his bag over his shoulder, making his way to where Fenrys and Connall were pushing desks together to form a table of sorts. As he navigated the other students frantically trying to put groups together, he was waylaid at the feeling of a hand on his arm.

Turning, he found himself staring up into the displeased face of Lorcan Salvaterre. It wasn’t that Lorcan was necessarily upset to see Vaughan - that was just his natural expression. The two of them had met in a basic web design class they’d both taken last year, and they often worked together when it was necessary.

“Hey,” Lorcan started, his voice sounding like he didn’t use it that often. “I thought we could work together on this thing?”

Vaughan hesitated. He already had a group, although he didn’t actually know how many people were in it. He figured the least he could do was take Lorcan with him and see if there was a spot for him. “Sure, sure. I’ve got a group in mind, but if we’re lucky they’ll still have open spots.”

Lorcan nodded once, and began following Vaughan to the far side of the room. When they got to the table the brothers had pushed together, Connall raised an eyebrow at the sight of Lorcan standing next to Vaughan.

“Who’s this?” Connall grumbled, not pleased with the thought of adding another person.

Vaughan only grinned, knowing that Connall didn’t mean to be rude. “Lorcan Salvaterre, meet Connall Moonbeam. Connall, don’t worry, he’ll carry his own weight.”

Connall only huffed and turned to face his brother, who was standing there with Rowan Whitethorn and Gavriel Lionheart. Rowan he’d expected - he and Fen were thick as thieves - but Gavriel was a bit of a surprise.

Sensing his brother’s rising frustration at yet another unexpected group member, Fenrys only said “Gavriel’s a friend of Rowan’s. He’ll put in the work, don’t worry.”

Connall didn’t look pleased, but he gestured for them to pull up more desks and sit down anyway.

~*^*~

Fifty minutes into the class, and they’d quickly established what everyone could bring to the project. As business majors, and children of business owners, Fenrys and Connall would obviously be heading up the project. Gavriel, as an accounting major, was put in charge of handling their business’s finances. Vaughan would handle all of the advertisement and marketing plans, since he was a marketing major.

Rowan and Lorcan were a bit more removed from the business side of things, but they both had their places. Rowan was a communications and graphic design major, so he would work with Vaughan on marketing schemes, as well as design the company’s logo and bring anything that needed drawing to life. Lorcan would also be assisting Vaughan, as well as designing a website for the mock business they were meant to be starting. As a computer science major, he was easily the most skilled in things like coding and programming.

The six of them had all of the work divided up quite nicely.

What they didn’t have, however, was a business to start.

They couldn’t seem to find any common ground, anything that interested all six of them enough that they could dedicate such a major project to it. They kept tossing around ideas, but they were always shot down, either because it wouldn’t give everyone enough work for the project, or because someone didn’t know enough about the topic to make it work, or for a million other reasons.

They were in the middle of arguing over the latest failed idea - a food truck - when their professor stopped by to check on their progress. Lorcan was against it for the sheer fact that he wouldn’t have enough to do - food trucks didn’t exactly need websites - and Gavriel didn’t know enough about the workings of food trucks to be comfortable with the financial aspect of the project.

“How’s it going over here guys?” the man asked, though by the smirk on his face, they figured he knew it wasn’t going as well as they’d hoped.

Glancing around the group once, Fenrys finally settled on, “well, we know what everyone’s going to do, but we don’t actually have a business idea.”

“Instead of trying to find an idea right away, why don’t you spend some time finding things all of you are interested in. I’m sure you’ll find something.” With that, their professor just smirked at them once more and walked over to the next group.

~*^*~

Twenty minutes later, they still didn’t have a business plan that everyone could agree on, and they were running out of time.

“Gods above, Mom and Dad didn’t tell us starting a business was this difficult.” Connall nodded at his brother’s words, thumping his head down on the desk with the final pitch of his head. “They always just said they wanted to open a store to sell antique weapons, so they made it happen.”

“Wait,” Gavriel broke in, his eyes widening ever so slightly with whatever idea had crossed his mind. “Your parents sell antique weapons?”

“Yeah?” Connall replied, his confusion evident in his tone.

“Could we do something like that?”

Rowan and Vaughan nodded along with Gavriel’s words, clearly fascinated by the idea.

Lorcan thought about it for a moment before replying. “What if we expanded upon your parents’ business?”

Fenrys raised a questioning eyebrow, and the others looked intrigued as well, so Lorcan continued, “we could design a business that sells not only antique weapons, but modern ones as well. That way it wouldn’t just be a project about your parents’ store, but a new business, with a wider variety of products.”

They all shared a look before grinning, hurrying to jot down a few brief notes in the five minutes that remained of the class.

SEVEN YEARS, ONE MONTH, AND FIFTEEN DAYS AGO

Gavriel watched Connall out of the corner of his eye as their professor returned their projects. He’d returned all but two - theirs being one of the two - and Connall’s fists were clenched so tightly his knuckles were turning white. The professor was speaking briefly to each group as he returned them - they’d all presented their projects during the last class, having turned them in the week before, and now they were just waiting to see which group had won. Their professor had informed them that he’d announce the winning group after all the projects were returned.

Needless to say, the six of them were fairly nervous, although Connall seemed to be freaking out more than the rest of them.

Gavriel couldn’t help the small snort that escaped him as Connall dropped his head onto his desk and groaned quietly when their professor turned to the other remaining group, clearly intending to leave them for last. Fenrys, it seemed, was used to this behavior from his brother, as he just started flicking the back of his head until Connall lifted his head and shot a glare at his brother.

Hissing a harsh “cut it out, asshole” at his twin, Connall turned to face the rest of the group just as their professor walked up to them, a smile on his face.

“Boys,” he started, setting the large stack of papers that was their project on the table between them, “this was one of the best mock business projects I’ve seen in a very long time. The idea to take what you knew about an already existing business and apply it to your project really improved the quality of your work. Every part of the project was well-planned and incredibly detailed. I’m pleased to inform you that your project is the only one I’ve been able to give a perfect score.”

Grinning at them once more, the man turned to face the rest of the class. “I’m pleased to announce that the group who will be attending the conference is The Cadre.”

Chuckles rang out across the classroom even as the boys celebrated their hard work. Over the course of the semester, the boys had gone from classmates to friends, and people had given the nickname after seeing them together so often. It was especially common within this class - since their classmates saw them in the library constantly, and it helped that they had given their mock business the name “Cadre Weaponry,” but it was a name that was beginning to stick outside of class.

Casting a look around his group, Gavriel smiled and accepted the high five Rowan was offering him. Connall looked like he could finally breathe, even with Fen’s arms wrapped around his neck as he hugged him quite enthusiastically from behind. Vaughan was clapping Connall on the shoulder, and Lorcan, by far the quietest and most reserved of the group, was just smirking at their antics - though he did accept the fist bump Rowan offered him.

SIX YEARS, TEN MONTHS, AND TWELVE DAYS AGO

Lorcan shoved his hands into his pockets, his fingers digging into the fabric in an attempt to keep from pulling at the tie he had been forced into by Connall early that morning. Lorcan had claimed that the suit jacket - “monkey suit” had been his exact wording - was more than enough, but Connall had disagreed.

Now, the conference was nearly over, and all Lorcan wanted to do was get out of the ridiculous contraption and back into his standard jeans and t-shirt combo.

Sighing when he realized he still had another hour left, Lorcan let his gaze travel over the five guys he was finally starting to refer to as friends, surprised once again by how they’d gotten here.

When they’d first put this group together, it was more out of sheer necessity than anything else. The first couple meetings had been a little awkward, everyone trying to figure out how to work together and things like that. But they’d quickly settled into an easy routine, and by the end of the assignment they were all fairly good friends. Winning the spot at the conference had required them to stay in touch after the class was over, though something told Lorcan they would have remained friends anyway.

Now, here they were several months later, pitching their business idea to investors - many of whom had seemed interested enough in the idea that they probably would have offered financial backing if the six of them had actually been considering trying to get this business off the ground.

It was just as Lorcan was contemplating this that a couple walked over to them, looking mildly intrigued by the display they’d put together. Readying himself to have to explain their proposal for what felt like the millionth time that day, Lorcan was taken aback when the woman pulled Connall into a hug, the man standing beside her clapping Fenrys on the shoulder.

Fenrys reached out to wrap an arm around the woman as he said, “guys, I’d like you all to meet our parents. Mom, Dad, these are the guys - Lorcan, Rowan, Vaughan, and Gavriel.”

There were handshakes all around as the Moonbeams introduced themselves to everyone. Finally, their father cast a glance at the display behind them before saying, “the boys were telling us about your project, and we’re fairly intrigued. Do you think you could tell us more about it?”

The six of them shared a glance before launching into their proposal, this time with more emphasis on their own individual roles, since the Moonbeams knew the basic premise already.

Once they had finished, the couple shared a look before Mrs. Moonbeam asked them something that left them all so shocked it was a minute before anyone could reply.

“Have the six of you ever thought about turning this project into an actual business?”

Seeing that all of them were too stunned to reply, she elaborated. “I’m sure all of you know that Fenrys and Connall are meant to be taking over the business once they graduate?” When they all nodded, she added, “well, what if all of you came to work for the business, and turned it from what it is now - Moonbeam’s Antique Weapons - into Cadre Weaponry - a store that sells antique weapons and modern firearms and weapons?”

Gavriel, ever the logical one, was the first to come up with a response. “Even if we all wanted to, how would that work? In this scenario, the one outlined in the proposal, we’re all part-owners. But, you’re giving the business to Fen and Con, so would we be working for them?”

Connall looked pensive when he added, “well, you could always buy into the business. We would be the owners to start, but then you could buy your share of the company.”

“And while it would just be the two of us listed, we would just be owners in name only,” Fenrys continued. “We would all share the responsibilities of owning the business, and then you just buy your share whenever you can.”

Vaughan chuckled. “It sounds like you have this pretty well thought out already.”

Their father nodded his head at Vaughan’s words. “When the boys started telling us about your project, we were pretty taken with it. We asked if they thought you’d want to actually bring the business to life, and we started planning how all of it would work, in case you did.”

Rowan, who’d been fairly quiet throughout the whole conversation, finally piped up. “I mean, it’s not a horrible idea. With the six of us, we have all the components to make the business a reality.”

Gavriel and Vaughan nodded along, but Lorcan still wasn’t sold. “Gavriel and I are the only ones graduating this year - the rest of you still have a year to go. What exactly are the two of us meant to be doing while we wait for you lot to graduate and Fenrys and Connall to take over the business?”

“Well,” Mrs. Moonbeam cut in, “you’re more than welcome to come work for us. You’ll have a steady job for a year, which will help you make money to buy your share of the company, and you’ll have a chance to familiarize yourself with the business.”

“And,” Mr. Moonbeam added, “the rest of you are welcome to work summers and breaks with us as well, and even weekends during the semester if you want. Fenrys and Connall already do, but we could use the extra help.”

Everyone looked like they were convinced that this could actually work when Rowan brought in another point to the contrary. “As great as that sounds, won’t all four of us have internships to do next year? It’s not like we’ll have time for jobs if we’re all learning how to navigate entirely different companies.”

Their parents looked thoughtful for a moment, clearly trying to decide on whether or not to say what they were thinking. Finally, Mrs. Moonbeam seemed to decide it would work, because she said, “we’ve already talked to the university about the boys doing their internship with us, since we’re the company that wants to hire them upon graduation. I’m sure we could do the same for you and Vaughan.”

“Plus, if we showed them your project and told them that you were planning to actually make it a reality, I’m sure they’d have no problem with it,” Mr. Moonbeam interjected.

The six of them were silent for several minutes, all of them clearly thinking about whether or not this was something they wanted to go for. Lorcan knew it would be hard for him to buy his share of the company - he’d never had much money, and the little he had went toward helping his mom pay the bills - but he desperately wanted to find a way to make it work.

He’d just come to the conclusion that he was willing to try when he heard Vaughan say, “well, I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’m in.”

Fenrys and Connall were quick to nod along with him, grins splitting across both of their faces.

Gavriel nodded too, adding, “I’m in as well.”

“Count me in.” That was Rowan, grinning as he spoke.

As one, all five of his friends turned to face Lorcan, their expressions hopeful. “What the hell,” he settled on. “Let’s make this happen.”

FIVE YEARS, EIGHT MONTHS, AND TWO DAYS AGO

He couldn’t believe it. He’d graduated college only a few days ago, and Rowan Whitethorn was already a business owner in everything but name. He’d spent the last year learning how the company worked, familiarizing himself with all the aspects of owning a business and slowly working to implement the necessary changes that would allow for the sale of modern firearms and weapons as well as antique ones.

All of the permits had gone through, everything that needed to be approved was approved. They’d even gotten new stock in, but they had decided against displaying and selling any of it until the twins were in place as the new owners and the company was entirely run by the boys.

The Moonbeams had handed over the company to their sons the day before, the brothers now the official owners of the company. Their second order of business had been to call a meeting - that Rowan was currently on his way to - to discuss the remodeling of the store. The first had been to shut down the store for a week to allow them the time to get everything in place.

He’d just climbed out of his beat-up Bronco when he heard the tell-tale sound of a motorcycle pulling into parking lot. Vaughan pulled into the spot next to him, a wry grin on his face as he climbed off the bike. By the looks of it, they were the last to arrive, since Lorcan’s truck was parked next to Gavriel’s, and he could just see Connal’s Jeep and Fenrys’s motorcycle parked around the side of the building.

“So,” Vaughan smirked, mischief sparking in his eyes, “what do you think our new bosses have planned for us today?”

“I haven’t a clue, but you’re going to milk the shit out of them being the official bosses for as long as you can, aren’t you?”

Vaughan just winked as he pulled the front door open, Rowan following him into the store. From what he could see, only the front half of the building was in use, rows of antique weaponry on display with the till in the front corner and some desks along the back wall, which he assumed served as the offices.

It was around one of these desks that everyone else had gathered, so he followed Vaughan to the back of the store, mind already whirling with ideas of how to best use the space the building provided.

“Morning, boss.” Vaughan tipped an imaginary hat at Connall before doing the same to Fenrys. “And to you as well, boss.”

The twins just flipped him off in unison, nodding to Rowan in greeting. Gavriel barked out a laugh next to them, the rest of them soon following suit.

“So, what brings us all here at six on a Saturday morning?” Lorcan, it appeared, was not happy about the early hour of the meeting.

‘Well,” Fenrys started, looking around at the group of friends gathered around him, “we were thinking we could get started on some renovating and reorganizing today. Connall and I have some ideas we wanted to run by all of you for how best to organize the space, but we want your input too.”

When everyone seemed more than ready to start, the two of them quickly launched into their plans. Apparently, the back section of the building that wasn’t in use consisted of several smaller rooms that were being used for storage - particularly for the new stock that they hadn’t put out yet. Fenrys and Connall thought it would be a good idea for each of them to have their own office, since they would each be in charge of different aspects of running the business. Even with them needing six offices, that still left three rooms for storage in the back, and moving the desks out of the front would give them plenty of extra space for the firearms and weapons that hadn’t been put out yet.

They had also started planning what the new floorplan of the store would be, but they wanted everyone’s input on that. After a long discussion, they all finally came to an agreement on what the best plan was, with Rowan drawing out the layout as they went.

“Now,” Connall piped up after they’d finished, “we have one more surprise for you - a final gift of sorts from our parents.”

He disappeared into the back, so Fen added, “I remembered how much we all loved the business logo Rowan designed for us, so I hope we still feel the same way.”

Connall came back in carrying a huge sign, which he turned around to show them. Displayed in bold letters, using the logo he’d designed, were the words “Cadre Weaponry.” Rowan was in complete shock - he couldn’t believe he would get to come to work every day in a store that he would eventually be part-owner of, and that he would get to see his own design staring down at him while he did.

Once everyone had finished admiring the sign, they were quick to get to work, knowing how much effort it was going to take to get this place open in a week. Reorganizing the store would come first, and then they were each in charge of their own offices. Lorcan was also in charge of getting the new website up and running, and Rowan had to design the new business cards. Gavriel had to familiarize himself with the books, and Vaughan had to start marketing the new business so that word about all their new products would reach the public.

They had a lot to do in a week, but Rowan was more than up to the challenge.

FIVE YEARS AND ONE DAY AGO

Fenrys couldn’t help the grin that broke across his face as he walked through the door. This place, this business - it was everything he’d ever dreamed of for so long. It was more, even. And getting to share it with his best friends - well, that meant everything.

And as of today, it was officially shared among the six of them. It had taken some time, but they were all officially owners of Cadre Weaponry.

Rowan had been the first to become an owner, after Connall and himself. The Whitethorn family was wealthy, and between his graduation gifts and a loan from his parents - a small portion of his inheritance taken early - Rowan had become an owner about a month after graduating college.

Gavriel had followed soon after, using the money he’d saved up after working for the Moonbeams for a year to cover part of his share of the business. For the rest, he’d taken a loan out, after spending the previous year and a half building his credit in order to qualify for the loan.

Next had been Vaughan, who had purchased his share three months ago. His grandfather, who’d saved up a small fortune during his life, had passed away and left most of his savings to Vaughan. The first thing he’d done with the money was buy into the business, making him the fifth owner.

And now, today, Lorcan had finally saved up enough after a year and a half of working to be able to become a part-owner.

Clapping his brother on the shoulder as the door swung shut behind him, Fenrys rounded the cash register, dropping the blue gift bag he’d been carrying onto the counter. “Morning, guys!”

“Well, you’re certainly chipper,” Connall quipped, the only other one of the guys who knew why Fenrys had made them all come in for an early morning meeting.

“Yeah, especially considering how early it is.” Gavriel yawned to punctuate his point.

Rowan gave him a skeptical look. “Seriously Fen, why are we all here this early?”

“My friends, today is a very important day here at Cadre Weaponry.” The rest of them grumbled at his theatrics, but Fenrys just adopted a shit-eating grin and continued with his speech. “As of today, Cadre Weaponry has six owners.”

He paused as the others weighed his words, Connall smirking next to him. Lorcan just looked mildly pleased with himself, at least until the other three turned to face him. Then his cheeks turned slightly pink, and he ducked his head, even as they all cheered and moved to pull him into congratulatory hugs.

While they were all celebrating, Fenrys took a moment to study his companions, taking in the changes that had occurred since they’d met in college. Rowan’s tattoo, which had covered his entire left arm, now sprawled down onto his hand and crawled up his neck and onto the side of his face. Likewise, Gavriel had added to his chest tattoo, continuing the design up onto his throat and the sides of his neck. Lorcan and Fen had both added to theirs as well, both of them now having full sleeves.

And many of them had gotten piercings in the few years they’d been friends. Fenrys himself had gotten his nose pierced, and Connall, who’d gone with him, had walked out of the tattoo shop with a pierced septum. And Vaughan, always the wild one, had shown up a week later with a tongue piercing.

Fenrys couldn’t wait to see what changes the next few years would bring.

Once everyone had finally let him go, and Lorcan was sufficiently pink in the face, Fenrys handed him the bag he’d set on the counter. “Welcome - officially, anyway - to the business, Lorcan.”

Lorcan just nodded, and with a whispered word of thanks, he took the proffered bag. Pulling tissue paper from its depths, he smirked when he realized what the bag contained. “Thanks, Fen, Con,” he replied, grinning at them. “Shall we go put it up?”

The others leaned forward to see what was in the bag, laughing when they realized it was the same thing they had all received. It was a plaque for Lorcan’s office door that read “Lorcan Salvaterre, Owner.” All of their doors were labelled, but Fenrys and Connall got them new ones with “owner” added to it when they officially bought into the business.

Connall grinned, the expression a mirror of the one on his brother’s face. “I think that sounds like an excellent idea.”

Tags: @highqueenofelfhame @city-of-fae @musicmaam @throne-of-ashes-and-beauty @tacmc @tangledraysofsunshine @lordof-bloodshed @how-to-be-a-bad-ass-be-me @nalgenewhore @bookrebelwordwarrior @sleeping-and-books @froggy-waddles @mis-lil-red @keep-a-bucket-full-of-stars

As always, if you would like to be added to my tag list, please let me know - oh, and let me know if you want to be added to my permanent tags or just my tags for this fic!

Thank you all so much for reading - part two comes out tomorrow night!

#cadre weaponry #cw #alyssa writes #rowan whitethorn #lorcan salvaterre #fenrys moonbeam #connall moonbeam #vaughan #gavriel #throne of glass #tog #my writing

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onisiondrama · 5 years ago

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PART 8 - video #14 & #15

(Click here for video mirrors)

[I just want to note: these are not my thoughts or words. I’m only summarizing what Greg / James is saying in his videos for people that don’t want to listen to him. I had a couple messages in my inbox from people who (I think) misunderstood what I’ve been posting, so I wanted to clarify I’m not defending Greg lol.]

the did nots

- Greg says someone named Kelly wrote him. He asked her to watch one of the many videos about him and tell him what the accusations were because he wants to address them because it’s easy and fun for him. - 4:25 His ex claimed she had a seizure and he was the cause of it. - He asks how could he be the cause of a seizure? Unless he hit someone over the head with a rock. Despite what people say about his brow, he’s not a caveman. - He didn’t call an ambulance and he recorded it for a Youtube video. - Greg says she faked the seizure. She had done it twice before. One of those times when he went to call an ambulance she popped up and snapped out of the seizure. If you met someone like that you’d understand, but it takes life experience to understand who they are. - 6:00 Claimed he groomed an underage person. - Says grooming isn’t calling someone a c-u-n-t. That’s like brushing your hair with razor blades and lemon juice. - 7:38 Greg targets vulnerable people. - Says it doesn’t make any sense. Are all these people damsels in distress? Are they incapable of defending themselves? Sarah was arrested for beating the crap out of a grown man. Not vulnerable, actually scary. So scary he spend the night in the garage because he was afraid she’d murder him. She had a full gremlin face. People like talking without knowing and call themselves reporters. - 8:31 Kai send and received explicit photos. - Says we no, Kai hates p-o-r-n. People make these claims with no evidence. You don’t have to give $20,000 to some a-hole, you just need legitimate concrete evidence. No one does that because no one has it. He’s seen people threaten to fake evidence. He’s seen screen shots of people who want to create fake evidence with deep fakes. If you wanted something done you should have talked to a lawyer and handled it privately, now the case is manipulated and contaminated. The livestreams contaminated everything. It’s a circus. - 8:00 Two people argued over who will take someone’s virginity. - He says “retarded” isn’t a good enough word for that. No one would argue about taking someone’s virginity unless you’re talking past tense. He says that’s totally different. They didn’t take her virginity. Kai did nothing and just layed there. [He talks about the crime against Sarah again.] People shouldn’t say Kai likes CP. That’s crazy, kids are disgusting. Nothing is attractive about them. Snot, my little pony obsession, backpacks, they don’t understand anything in the world. - 9:07 Claimed he instigated and had a threesome with someone then kicked her out shortly after she turned 18. - He says no. He says one person was receiving oral and he made love to the 18 year old but they weren’t kicked out shortly after. They were kicked out when they said he needs to impregnate them when they were “mano y mano” with each other in hopes the three of them would come together and be poly. He realized she didn’t care about the other person. - Greg abused his ex. - He asks if it’s the one that cheated on him and got pregnant with someone else’s baby? One time he called the cops on her because she threatened to kill herself and make it look like he did it. That person? Asks why no one considers the abuse toward him. Threatening to make it look like he murdered her is a crime. If he sold prescription pills, he’d be in jail. Sarah sold pills and she told him her mom tried to set her up to marry a guy for a green card and he’d pay her. Those are crimes. He thinks Sarah’s mom is innocent because after everything Sarah said about them they can’t believe anything. It’s loco Sarah shit. She admitted to doing cocaine too. - He dated Shiloh when she was underage. - He says you finally got something- [he cuts off and nods his head]. She was 17. They were both in areas it was legal and he was 24. The police looked into their relationship and checked stuff and they were good to go. Someone tried to get him in trouble, but he knew the law. When you love someone you don’t worry about taboo. - 11:08 Greg had an affair with her while he was still with Skye. - He says if his pp is 3,000 miles long maybe. He didn’t meet her until he filed for divorce. He says this person is an idiot and is spreading slanderous statements. How can you cheat with someone who is on the other side of the country? He laughs and says Skye’s last name isn’t Tantaga, that’s her username. He got a plane ticket when he was already filed for divorce. - 11:55 Shiloh may have been 16 when they first met. - He says he didn’t even talk to her until November 2010. He says look up her birthday she was 17 1/2. “Fucking facts yo.” Why don’t people care about the truth? -14:24 Greg made videos about ex girlfriends that were filled with lies. - He sarcastically says, “very specific, very proof.” No logic, just say “they lie.” - 22:17 Greg had photos from 12-17 in various states of undress on a forum. - Greg says you could just prove that if it’s true. Everyone forgets that website was 18+ and was heavily moderated. “Fucking idiot.” - 23:50 Greg removed forums because they were being investigated. - He asks what forums? He didn’t have forums and he doesn’t care about Hansen. He’s the one that called the cops on Hansen. The cops weren’t there for Chris Hansen, they told Greg to file an anti-harassment protection order against him. There’s nothing to fear. Chris Hansen is an old man and his last job contract wasn’t renewed because someone sued for $100 million and won. The only things to be afraid of are his douchiness and his creepiness. “Fuckin’ boomer.” - 26:10 Youtuber admits he gets more views when he talks about Onision. - Greg says finally something truthful. When this guy talk about anything that doesn’t have to do with Greg it’s like [thumbs down and laughs]. Greg tells them you know what you do and you don’t actually care. - Greg silences ex girlfriends by threatening to sue. - Greg asks when did this happen? He doesn’t remember that. If he did that it didn’t work. The girls are re-tweeting people threatening to burn his house to the ground. Sarah tweeted she wants to psychically attack him. He says she is going to be no one’s victim because she’s a fighter and he’s scared of her. - Greg has 7-8 other victims, possibly more. - Greg says that’s a tough sell because these people aren’t his victims, they’re just people he dumped. He says it’s like high school when people break up and they start rumors about each other. Youtube is high school 2.0. - 29:00 Kai is a victim and was underage when the relationship started. - Greg says Kai was 17 1/2, but told Greg he was about to turn 18. When Kai revealed the truth Greg already fell for him. He doesn’t agree with the victim part because they’re still married. This Youtuber should let kai speak for himself and not speak for people and pretend to be their hero. “Douchebag” - 29:10 Greg violated the mann act, accuses him of human trafficking. - Greg says if that happened, then prove it. When and how did he violate the mann act? - 30:15 He forced someone into signing an NDA and forced her to remain silent after they kicked her out. - Greg says Sarah said she wouldn’t sign the NDA unless she gets what she wants, which was sex. Later on she apologized for r-a-p-i-n-g them. He doesn’t know if she denied it yet, but she probably will. What she did was extortion and was a crime. Says this guy should make a hate video about Sarah now if he really gave a shit. - Greg took advantage of Kai because he was a fan, but that’s subjective. - Greg says stop speaking for Kai. Nobody asked Kai. - Greg groomed Kai. - Greg gives the same response. He says Sarah said she wasn’t groomed. She said “if anything I groomed you” and they thought it was funny until it was real. - Kai had a tinder. - Greg says that was for a video. It was a joke. He calls the Youtuber a joke. - Says he might respond to more because he doesn’t gibe a fuck anymore. He tells people to join OnisionFans.com to DM him questions.

oh my

- He apologizes from the heater noise. He says certain people get mad at him when he turns it off for videos because it makes the house cold. - He’s not sure if he’s being left now for speaking out. He doesn’t know what Kai is going to do now that he’s speaking out. - He wants to talk about the “investigation” (air quotes). He says he doesn’t take it seriously because he knows what actually happened. [Sarah NDA story for the 100th time] If an officer investigated the situation, he would arrest Sarah instead of Greg. Greg also has a witness who was also heavily pressured. You never heard this story from Sarah because she’s a fraud, a liar, she has BPD, she has a number of mental problems. Sarah wouldn’t say anything that would get her in trouble, but Greg said things that might get him into trouble about pressuring Kai. He did that because he felt bad for Sarah, but he should have had no sympathy for her like her mother. Her mother saw her for who she really was, one of the most toxic people he’s ever met. [Locked himself in the garage story.] When Sarah’s mad at you her eyes go from brown to black. - He says a lot of people will agree with him because it’s common sense. About Hansen and his crew, you don’t talk about a open investigations. You don’t try to monetize people’s pain when you’re trying to pursue them legally. You’re supposed to catch them by surprise. - He says when Chris had a show about people who went after 12 year olds, Chris didn’t warn them and tell them he was looking into them. He didn’t make a 9 month series about how terrible they are, then tell them he’ll go to their house to get them. He says it doesn’t make any sense. - Chris is getting donations and ad revenue. These girls feel sorry for themselves because they were dumped. Now they’re vengeful and malicious and they want to get back at him because they probably still want to be with him. If he never dumped them, would they still be together? They never dumped him except when Shiloh dumped him for h-e-n-t-a-i. He thinks they would still be together. Why are they only mad at him after he rejects them? - Hansen is paid to say there is a crime here. Greg saw Hansen allegedly stated he didn’t care about any of them and just wanted money, but he doesn’t believe that. He also saw Hansen hired someone named Anonymous Gene to dox Greg and his whole family. Greg says that doesn’t make sense to dox his whole family. It takes an evil person to do that. - When you have an investigation, you are supposed to stay silent then you catch them by surprise, take their stuff, and try to find something that would prove they’re guilty so they don’t have time to hide anything. - He has never spoken to Regina before as far as he knows. He thinks Regina is ugly. When Regina started talking to Kai when Kai was 17 so anything Regina has to say in nonsensical because of their ages. Kai denied anything was exchanged and isn’t interested in p-o-r-n. Kai is a beta male cuck, nervous, scared, anxiety disorder person, which is why he didn’t want Greg to talk about anything. Regina is a scumbag, horrible human. Regina is now working for Hansen and that’s a conflict of interest. You can’t have a witness work with someone who is making money going after someone. That’s absolute corruption. - Now people are saying they have evidence on him, they have a laptop. Spoiler alert, if you have evidence you tell someone they have it so they can get a warrant. It’s ridiculous because he has nothing of interest, but if he did the audience would have tipped him off forever ago. This was all handled horribly. He saw the other day he saw a public figure say”I hope we get this guy” with no evidence that Greg is guilty. You can’t do that, that’s slander. - The person who had the laptop before Sarah was a woman and she would have never looked at CP. It went from a woman, to another woman who apparently held onto CP for years, said she brought it to the police who did nothing, got it back, sent it to Vince, Vince sent it back. Vince got fired and changed Chris Hansen’s site to his mugshot. Greg says he was told Chris Hansen’s site now redirects to OnisionFans.com. He thinks that’s weird and funny. - Sarah started off by saying she was not groomed and only had her feelings hurt. Then people started working her up and her story progressively became something else. - This is the sloppiest investigation he’s seen in his life. He can’t believe the lack in professionalism. This isn’t a reality show, it’s real life. Greg is worried for Hansen because he put his whole career on this [he lists Hansen’s financial troubles] and if he doesn’t find something legit he’s screwed. - [Sarah laying in his lap story.] Greg thanks Sarah for describing his junk as “perfect.” “It’s just so perfect.” [Sarah being loud story again.] He says she complained he didn’t use the wand on her after he broke up with her. [He shrugs.] Says he meant to but didn’t get around to it. - So your investigation is a guy who had sex with an 18 1/2 year old? This person sexually extorted and blackmailed them. You should investigate her. [He lists supposed crimes she committed.] Greg said she had no idea these were crimes until he told her. “Idiot.”

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