#religious trauma and begin queer

[depvotee]

It's so funny to me to give my mom my perspective as a gay person bc she's goes

[innerxsanctum]

The secret of happiness

was always concealed from me

But now that it’s been expressed

your secret’s revealed to me...

[metatheatre]

looking up from my 4 1/2 hour g**d *mens playlist: i'm going through something

[leave-a-message19]

Writeblr

Update: Wow i did not expect this to gain as much traction as it did haha. I've edited it a little, for clarity.

I realize I should probably make an intro post of sorts, so here it is.

Hi :-) My name (or at least online.) Is Sam. (he/him) I am over 18+, and I write queer, messed up stories. I'm autistic, trans, aromantic and almost all of my characters are queer, and non-neurotypical. I write absurdly long books, word limits are my absolute bane of existence. I also occasionally write shitty poetry that will never see the light of day.

I'm always looking for new writer friends, any and all advice is appreciated :) I will follow any writers who follow me :) I'm always looking for more projects to follow!

Thank you reading!

WIPS

DON'T LET THEM BURY ME

My main project at the minute is an southern gothic urban fantasy with religious trauma, body horror, and packed with queer hope. It has a absurdly detailed magic system, complicated world building, and It's in planning stage, and over 10,000 words of plot have been completed as well as the prologue. it is in the process of being written. (Around 20k, at the time of writing this.) I am working on publishing it online, and it's sure a process, lol.

READ SNIPPETS HERE

It begins!!! – @leave-a-message19 on Tumblr

small thing I've been working on – @leave-a-message19 on Tumblr

The people I've let proofread this chapter really liked this paragraph so i thought i would share it – @leave-a-message19 on Tumblr

[longstoryshort22]

Peter is brand Taylor talking to real Taylor, I Look in People’s Windows is real Taylor talking to brand Taylor (the two were supposed to become one, but the more famous she gets the harder it is)😭😭

The whole theme of the album is Taylor herself and her career and how the industry has affected her, joe/matty/travis/kim are just red herrings bye im gonna go cry listening to Peter

(more details⬇️)

I’m not saying that some songs aren’t about those specific people, I’m just saying they’re only PART OF the theme, I believe her father (and other big heads in the industry) had a big influence on her career and forced her to stay in the closet from the very beginning, that messed her up, she had to hide her true self and keep bearding, and in 2019 she planned to come out but didn’t because of the masters heist, now it’s because she’s gotten more famous than ever that she has too much to lose. So maybe these men he dated, she did like them and she had multiple feelings when these relationships ended, but it’s all part of who the industry had made her into; she had one true love (maybe Karlie) but she couldn’t be with that person that’s why some songs are about a true deep love lost, but that’s still part of the “her career” theme, because of her career, she can’t be with that person. (more details⬇️)

What’s really interesting in this theme is that she’s calling out her father in multiple songs because he really made her life harder…

In Cassandra, (the obvious theory is that Cassandra representing gaylors bc we’ve been saying the truth but never believed. And the first verse is about her getting the news of her masters heist just before her coming out plan, and then “stone’s thrown” is referencing Stonewall.) And in the bridge “They knew the whole time that I was onto something. The family, the pure greed, the Christian chorus line. They all said nothing. Blood's thick but nothing like a payroll. Bet they never spared a prayer for my soul” she’s saying her family knew something but said nothing because greed and money, we saw the leaked emails of her father and how he cares more about making money out of Taylor’s career than caring about her as his daughter, so I think this bridge is about her father, also about religious trauma may or may not due to him.

In The Bolter, “A curious child, ever reviled by everyone except her own father. With a quite bewitching face, splendidly selfish, charmingly helpless, excellent fun 'til you get to know her, then she runs like it's a race” she’s talking about herself being a precocious uniquely intelligent ambitious child, which everyone reviled except her father. why? because he wanted to invest money on her, he controlled how she conducted her career from the beginning.

What’s crazier is that Robin may be about her father too. That song sounds like a sweet song but she’s faking it like “all this showmanship to keep it for you in sweetness”. If she’s referring to her father (only wanting to make money out of her career) in this song then “you’re an animal, you are bloodthirsty” makes so much more sense. And the “buried down deep and out of your reach, the secret we all vowed to keep it from you in sweetness” her father probably knows about her queerness but wants her and everyone to keep it quiet.

In But Daddy I Love Him, “people only raise you to cage you” is pretty obvious about her father forcing her to stay in the closet, and “people try and save you cause they hate you” is literally about homophobes. “Dutiful daughter, all my plans were laid” is about her father laying all the plans for her, which isn’t always what she wants. “I'd rather burn my whole life down, than listen to one more second of all this bitching and moaning. I'll tell you something about my good name, it's mine alone to disgrace” reminds me of that scene in Miss Americana where her father was lecturing why she couldn’t public her opinions. “Thinking it can change the beat of my heart when he touches me. And counteract the chemistry, and undo the destiny” is so queer coded. “Sanctimoniously performing soliloquies I'll never see / You ain't gotta pray for me” another reference to religious trauma.

So all of this, about her father, about her lover and other men, it’s all connected to her career and she’s looking back at it, thinking and reflecting on it, that’s it that’s the blog

[ghostpoetics]

My newest book, Unholy with Eyes like Wolves, a sapphic gothic horror romance with vampires (Carmilla/FMC/Erzsébet Báthory) is coming out on April 16th!

You can pre-order the e-book here.

***

“Indulgent, depraved, and sanguine, UNHOLY WITH EYES LIKE WOLVES is a gory fugue that will have readers cheering for its queer women no matter the wrongs they commit in pursuit of survival and salvation.” – Ladz, author of THE FEALTY OF MONSTERS

"Sumptuous and intoxicating as a black rose, UNHOLY WITH EYES LIKE WOLVES unfurls slowly to reveal the intricate layers of its themes, from forbidden sapphic desire to the religious subjugation of women. A must-read for those who yearn to become the monster and seek liberation through transgression." – Camilla Andrew, author of THE SANGUINE SORCERESS 

***

Noémie, a dishonored and widowed noblewoman in early 17th century Hungary, finds herself in an unenviable position: After grievous trauma and loss, her last chance to regain her honor comes when she must serve as Lady Erzsébet Báthory’s handmaiden. Báthory is stoic and imperious, and as Noémie struggles to acclimate and accept her present and future, she begins to have dreams about a mysterious woman. Worse, there are stories of disappearance and deaths in the castle, and Noémie might be next.

A sapphic historical horror romance with vampires and based on CARMILLA. Perfect for fans of A DOWRY OF BLOOD.

[ghostsandmermaids]

Fandom Manifesto: Hello From The Hallowoods

(Originally written for the Fandomanifesto community on Pillowfort.)

Here's a (mostly spoiler-free) fandom manifesto for my favorite podcast, Hello From The Hallowoods. (Please try to keep the comments on this post spoiler-free as well.)

What is a fandom manifesto?

Inspired by ship manifestos, a fandom manifesto is an essay meant to introduce people to a fandom and promote it by explaining its appeal. It's a really fun tradition that I would love to keep going.

What is Hello From The Hallowoods?

Darker than your dreams, and farther North than you remember, there is a forest where life and death meet…

Hello From The Hallowoods is a queer horror podcast written and produced by William A. Wellman (they/them). This is the official description (taken from Spotify):

Come walk between the black pines! In this award-winning queer fiction podcast, a cosmic narrator follows the increasingly connected residents of the forest at the end of the world. It's a bittersweet story that explores queer identity, horror genre tropes, and finding hope in humanity's last moments.

It's set in a forest in northern Canada (the Hallowoods) in a post-apocalyptic world plagued by the black rains. The story follows the inhabitants of the Hallowoods—only some of whom are alive and human—as their lives become increasingly interconnected. 

The podcast is narrated by Nikignik (he/they), also known as One Hundred Eyes in the Dark, an eldritch god who speaks directly to the listener via their nightmares. He begins to tell these stories because he's grieving his partner, another god called Marolmar (he/him), and humans were the last thing Marolmar created. Over time, Nikignik changes from a more passive narrator to an active character in the story.

There are a lot of characters, including but not limited to:

a nonbinary Frankenstein's creature piercing together their identity

a trans ghost dealing with his occultist father

an invisible man finding love at first sight

a genderfluid storm witch trying to prove themself

a retired rockstar and her punk butch lesbian daughter

a floral-suit-wearing demon on a celestial audit of earth

a starwolf on a mission to kill said demon

a killer robot skull and his pet dead seagull

an unkindness of ravens (yes, they are one character)

… and many, many more.

How scary is it?

It's a horror podcast, so there are some scary moments, but for me, the story feels very comforting and bittersweet as it explores horror tropes in a really unique way. According to the website:

It's been described as a show that helps you sleep easier, rather than one that keeps you up at night.

The story also explores themes like religious trauma, isolation, death, grief, and queerphobia, so please check the content warnings at the end of each episode description or at the start of each episode transcript. Transcripts are available on the website.

Why should I listen to it?

If the description above didn't convince you, here are some more reasons why you should listen to Hello From The Hallowoods. 

There is so much content! I often complain about books being almost always standalones or duologies lately and TV seasons only being 8-10 episodes. If I really like something, I want to spend as much time with it as possible!

With HFTH, I don't have that problem because there is so much to listen to! There are currently (almost) 150 episodes available (plus a few live shows and bonus episodes), and new episodes come out every Wednesday. There are also weekly 100-word bonus stories on Patreon, and a tie-in novel called One Hundred Eyes In The Dark is currently in the works, so if you're looking for a story you can get really invested in (or if you're angry that all your favorite shows have been canceled), HFTH is perfect for you!

There are so many queer characters, disabled characters, and characters of color! If you're looking for a really diverse show, you will love HFTH. (I cried when I heard a character describe herself as aromantic.) But even aside from the diversity, the characters are just amazing. I mean, "What if Frankenstein's creature got love and support and was an absolute cinnamon roll?" is the perfect character concept. The villains are also really compelling and well-written. 

It's a great introduction to podcasts, especially for book lovers, because it often feels like a very immersive audiobook! The voice acting and music are incredible, and even though there are a lot of characters, you can tell them apart very easily by their voices. If you like fantasy and horror books, this could be your introduction to the world of audio dramas. 

That being said, if you have listened to other horror podcasts before, you will still love this one! It sometimes reminds me of Welcome To Night Vale, but the setting and characters are very unique, and the writing is so, so beautiful. 

It's also a great introduction to horror! I used to avoid horror media because I get scared very easily, but horror podcasts (and especially Hello From The Hallowoods) made me discover how much I actually enjoy horror. HFTH explores horror tropes in such a kind, unique, and hopeful way, and as sappy as that sounds, listening to it makes the horrors of everyday life a little easier to deal with. 

If you like Malevolent (another really great horror podcast), Harlan Guthrie has a guest role in HFTH! You might also recognize Mx. Wellman's voice from other podcasts like WOE.BEGONE, The Silt Verses or Old Gods of Appalachia. 

The fandom is amazing! Everyone is so kind and talented, and we always have a lot of fun theorizing about what will happen next. There's even a fan-run Discord server!

We also have a fan wiki, and in addition to the official information, we also have a "fun gender" for each character. Here are some of my favorites:

Tumblr Sexyman (Official)

Eye-Affiliated Podcast Host

Deer that will fuck you up

Whatever the hell was going on with the guy from Shape Of Water

Nightmare Personality

Hot Topic Goth

Dilf Automobile

How do I listen to it?

You can listen to Hello From The Hallowoods on the podcatcher of your choice. Here are some suggestions from the Hallowoods website:

Spotify

Apple Podcasts

Podbean

YouTube

Google Podcasts

It's not an anthology, so please listen to it from the beginning to see how the different characters and plot threads come together. 

The show is entirely ad-free and sponsor-free, so if you like it and want to financially support it, please consider joining the show’s Patreon.

And that's it! There are many things I didn't include for spoiler reasons, but this should give you a basic idea of what HFTH is about and why I love it so much. 

I hope I convinced you to listen to Hello From The Hallowoods, and maybe you will love it as much as I do!

[capseycartwright]

ok i am going to get uncomfortably personal on main for a second please don’t make eye contact with me. this new trend of people vehemently saying that any storyline eddie may have about religion this season doesn’t ~ have to be ~ about his sexuality is genuinely a little upsetting to see because it’s not just oh it can be about something else anymore. so often recently i have just seen over and over the implication that it’s somehow wrong to so desperately want it to be about his sexuality - and maybe the intention is not for it to come across that way, but it often does.

as someone who grew up in a deeply religious, frankly strict, catholic environment (my school had an on campus priest. like that’s the level of catholicism we’re talking about here. i was in the big leagues) i freely admit i am clinging to the idea of eddie having a sexuality related storyline that revolves around his faith because i want that and i needed that when i was fourteen and struggling to come to terms with my sexuality because i was such a devout fucking catholic. i have done all the sacraments. i spent my entire life in catholic education. i didn’t miss mass any sunday for eighteen full years of my life. i was fucking religious. and i am bisexual. and i could not accept it. i didn’t even begin to accept it until i was 21. i didn’t even want to accept it then. i will have that religious trauma for the rest of my life. and i don’t even know how to articulate myself properly when i talk about it now, years later, but it’s not just the unlearning of your own faith that’s traumatic - it’s the loss of a community you spent your entire life in. that’s gone forever for me and it leaves behind an ache that’s hard to describe.

eddies faith journey could be about anything, sure, it absolutely could. but i need it to be about this. and i will make it about sexuality in every fic i write even if i don’t get it on screen - and i really hope i get it on screen. i am not the only person who feels that way. and this new wave of ~ discourse ~ where you’re somehow wrong to want eddies faith storyline to be about his sexuality because it couldn’t possibly be about anything other than heterosexuality and him feeling like a failure because he was going to get divorce and no longer have a nuclear family makes me feel about as small as i did when i realised the church i had loved (and still frankly love - despite it all, despite how much i wish i didn’t) my whole life would never love me back. we all have our interpretations of what these things mean, and are more than entitled to those differing interpretations - but what you’re not entitled to do is imply those of us who see our queer, catholic journeys in eddie are somehow stupid or wrong for seeing that.

i don’t like talking about this stuff. i write fic where i make eddie talk about it instead. that’s my way of processing. i just think a wee bit of empathy when it comes to things like faith and queerness - knowing so many of us share the same story about religion and sexuality, and intimately know how hard that story is to live, regardless of what faith you followed - is important. you might not see queerness in a storyline about faith or believe it’s there but lots of us do, and being so dismissive of that is just kinda mean, actually. ok bye.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for ditching my friend for kicking someone out of our Discord server?

Some context before I begin. We are strictly online friends, with all of us having more than one social. I am the youngest of this group when this happened, with a friend named Yammy being the oldest, a girl named Isabella the second oldest, a girl and a boy named Lisa and James about driving age, and me, essentially the baby. There are a few other people who would not want me to talk about them here, but they’re all around Lisa and James’s age.

I met Isabella on Deviantart back in May of 2022. We hit it off almost immediately, sharing several interests and a common friend (James). About a month later, we were joking about forming a cult of kindness, and since her username had something with a chicken in it, we named it the chicken kindness coop (she changed it to coop for ethical reasons). I met Lisa, Yammy, and a bunch of other people on that server, and we would do shitpost roleplays and share vents about our real lives. I remember Isabella constantly posting vents and pictures of her life. She was homeschooled, which I used as justification for her constant messaging. Isabella was my grounding stone for a long time.

However, things started to fall apart in May of 2023. Out of the blue, I got a message in a brand new message channel named ‘Judgement Hall.’ Isabella purposefully did not give Lisa access to the channel. She wanted to kick Lisa out of the group chat because she was uncomfortable with her being around. Her reasoning was that Lisa was very religious, which we all knew about and respected. I, as a trans male, and a few other anonymous queer members were all fine with her as she was always a refreshing break from the wild roleplays and heated debates on how you should water your mochi. However, Isabella said Lisa was triggering her religious trauma. I, being an easily influenced minor, let her run her course. However, Yammy stepped in and let Lisa know about Isabella’s message. She sent a mass text out, and told us she was leaving and that this was an unfair judgement on Lisa. Here’s where I might’ve been TA. I immediately replied to her message, saying I was leaving, and asking why Isabella wanted to kick Lisa from the chat without even telling her. I then left the chat.

Later, when Yammy reached out to me, they said that James (who also had religious trauma, but was completely fine with Lisa) had reached out to Isabella. Him being one of the few people who stayed for a while without leaving or being kicked, he was in pretty much an empty server, minus Isabella’s most loyal friends and another friend who would later leave after saving some screenshots. James talked to Isabella, who deflected behind her autism and adhd diagnosis, tried to guilt trip James into feeling bad for her, and playing the victim, saying she did nothing wrong. James (who was probably 3 years younger than her, mind you) was trying to make Isabella see that banning someone from the server behind their back was not ok, but she freaked out and stopped talking. Now, we’re all still dealing with the fallout from this situation, but about a week or two ago, a mutual friend of Isabella and I told me that Isabella wanted to talk, and she wanted to feel less betrayed. Now I feel really bad, because I acted pretty abruptly, but I really don’t know. Yammy and my other friends think I’m in the right, but our mutual friend says I betrayed her and left her in the dust. I really need an outside opinion.

AITA?

(sorry for the incohesive mess)

What are these acronyms?

[nanowrimo]

How to Avoid Token Representation

What's the difference between token representation and authentic representation? NaNo Participant Nayantara discusses token representation and how to avoid doing it in your own writing! The smart Asian character. The sassy Black character. The Gay Best Friend.

Too many stories written today that supposedly have “diverse” casts fall prey to “token representation”: a symbolic effort towards inclusion that gives the appearance of equality, without actually exploring diverse narratives.

Recently in the publishing industry, readers have been calling for more representation within their novels, whether it is the LGBTQ+ community, racially and ethnically diverse readers, people with disabilities, or other marginalised groups of people, and many authors have responded with this easy-way-out tokenism — leaving readers unsatisfied and indignant.

So, what exactly is the difference between token diversity and real representation?

Essentially, tokenism includes a character that checks boxes titled “diversity” in face and name, but does not acknowledge their lived experience.

For example, Cho Chang in the Harry Potter series and Lane Kim in Gilmore Girlsare reduced to harmful stereotypes of their characters (both their names and characteristics) without acknowledging the diverse experiences that East Asian people have. Their Asianness becomes their entire character, yet at the same time, that same Asianness is entirely misunderstood.

In contrast, the recent Oscar-winning film Everything Everywhere All At Once stars East Asian characters whose lives are affected by their race and background. However, they are fully fleshed out characters regardless of it.

As actor, Anna Leong Brophy, said in an interview, she enjoys it when her “Asianness complements a role, but is not the full role.” Real representation acknowledges how someone’s lived experience as a person of colour, queer person, woman, or member of another marginalised community affects their life — but they have genuine feelings, thoughts, and characteristics far beyond simply their race or identity.

The terms “Black dude dies first” and “Bury your gays” are also commonly associated with token representation. Quite self-explanatory, they are tropes in which the cast’s “diverse” characters are killed early, to save the writer from having to explore or acknowledge their experiences.

Not only is this lazy writing that erases diverse narratives, it also creates the subconscious belief that marginalised groups of people have no place in these stories or in commercialised publishing in general. Everyone deserves representation, whether or not the cis-het (cisgender-heterosexual) white reader can relate to the character’s specific cultural experience.

What counts as good representation, then?

Good representation involves any story that includes a diverse cast and follows each of their story lines fully, allowing them to be well-rounded characters that contain depth and get adequate development.

My personal favourite example of this is Leigh Bardugo’s Six of Crows duology, where her cast of six main characters includes Black and Brown people, bisexual and gay people, people from different countries and religions, and people recovering from trauma — all of whom have their own, carefully constructed character arcs that acknowledge their identity, but also give them substance and characteristics far beyond that.

However, this is not to say every story has to be as international — The Poppy War trilogy by R.F. Kuang has a solely East Asian coded cast due to its setting. But even within this, her characters are from different ethnic, religious, and social backgrounds, and each have their own, carefully-constructed character arc extending far beyond their identity on paper.

As you begin writing for Camp NaNoWriMo, ask yourself the following three questions:

Is my cast truly representing the diverse types of people who exist in this world (either real or imagined)?

Are each of these characters individuals beyond simply their ethnicity, sexuality, gender, disability, etc?

Do each of these characters have a fully fleshed out character arc?

You don’t have to be an author from a marginalised or minority background to write characters with diverse experiences. Just make sure to approach each character with empathy and respect, and devote adequate time to research (or to world building, if you’re a fantasy author!)

Good luck, and I know that you are going to absolutely smash your writing goals next month!

Nayantara is an 18 year old student, green tea connoisseur, bookworm, Spotify-playlist-maker, dancer, and writer hoping to study economics and political science at university next year — and hopefully find some time to work on her many unfinished novels in the meantime! Follow her on Instagram @ moonlitsunflowerbooks.

Photo by Ketut Subiyanto from Pexels

[perfectlyripeclementine]

queer novel masterlist: Palestine edition

Found this list via @evereadssapphic on Instagram.

You Exist Too Much, Zaina Arafat

On a hot day in Bethlehem, a 12-year-old Palestinian-American girl is yelled at by a group of men outside the Church of the Nativity. She has exposed her legs in a biblical city, an act they deem forbidden, and their judgement will echo on through her adolescence. When our narrator finally admits to her mother that she is queer, her mother's response only intensifies a sense of shame: "You exist too much," she tells her daughter.

Told in vignettes that flash between the U.S. and the Middle East--from New York to Jordan, Lebanon, and Palestine--Zaina Arafat's debut novel traces her protagonist's progress from blushing teen to sought-after DJ and aspiring writer. In Brooklyn, she moves into an apartment with her first serious girlfriend and tries to content herself with their comfortable relationship. But soon her longings, so closely hidden during her teenage years, explode out into reckless romantic encounters and obsessions with other people. Her desire to thwart her own destructive impulses will eventually lead her to The Ledge, an unconventional treatment center that identifies her affliction as "love addiction." In this strange, enclosed society she will start to consider the unnerving similarities between her own internal traumas and divisions and those of the places that have formed her.

Opening up the fantasies and desires of one young woman caught between cultural, religious, and sexual identities, You Exist Too Much is a captivating story charting two of our most intense longings--for love, and a place to call home.

Haifa Fragments, Khulud Khamis

As a designer of jewelry, Maisoon wants an ordinary extraordinary life, which isn't easy for a tradition-defying activist and Palestinian citizen of Israel who refuses to be crushed by the feeling that she is an unwelcome guest in the land of her ancestors. She volunteers for the Machsom Watch, an organization that helps children in the Occupied Territories cross the border to receive medical care. Frustrated by her boyfriend Ziyad and her father, who both want her to get on with life and forget those in the Occupied Territories, she lashes out only to discover her father isn't the man she thought he was. Raised a Christian, in a relationship with a Muslim man and enamored with a Palestinian woman from the Occupied Territories, Maisoon must decide her own path.

A Map Of Home, Randa Jarrar

In this fresh, funny, and fearless debut novel, Randa Jarrar chronicles the coming-of-age of Nidali, one of the most unique and irrepressible narrators in contemporary fiction. Born in 1970s Boston to an Egyptian-Greek mother and a Palestinian father, the rebellious Nidali--whose name is a feminization of the word "struggle"--soon moves to a very different life in Kuwait. There the family leads a mildly eccentric middle-class existence until the Iraqi invasion drives them first to Egypt and then to Texas. This critically acclaimed debut novel is set to capture the hearts of everyone who has ever wondered what their own map of home might look like.

The Skin And Its Girl, Sarah Cypher

In a Pacific Northwest hospital far from the Rummani family's ancestral home in Palestine, the heart of a stillborn baby begins to beat and her skin turns vibrantly, permanently cobalt blue. On the same day, the Rummanis' centuries-old soap factory in Nablus is destroyed in an air strike. The family matriarch and keeper of their lore, Aunt Nuha, believes that the blue girl embodies their sacred history, harkening back to a time when the Rummanis were among the wealthiest soap-makers and their blue soap was a symbol of a legendary love.

Decades later, Betty returns to Aunt Nuha's gravestone, faced with a difficult decision: Should she stay in the only country she's ever known, or should she follow her heart and the woman she loves, perpetuating her family's cycle of exile? Betty finds her answer in partially translated notebooks that reveal her aunt's complex life and struggle with her own sexuality, which Nuha hid to help the family immigrate to the United States. But, as Betty soon discovers, her aunt hid much more than that.The Skin and Its Girl is a searing, poetic tale about desire and identity, and a provocative exploration of how we let stories divide, unite, and define us--and wield even the power to restore a broken family. Sarah Cypher is that rare debut novelist who writes with the mastery and flair of a seasoned storyteller.

The Philistine, Leila Marshy

Nadia Eid doesn't know it yet, but she's about to change her life. It's the end of the ‘80s and she hasn’t seen her Palestinian father since he left Montreal years ago to take a job in Egypt, promising to bring her with him. But now she’s twenty-five and he’s missing in action, so she takes matters into her own hands. Booking a short vacation from her boring job and Québecois boyfriend, she calls her father from the Nile Hilton in downtown Cairo. But nothing goes as planned and, stumbling around, Nadia wanders into an art gallery where she meets Manal, a young Egyptian artist who becomes first her guide and then her lover. 

Through this unexpected relationship, Nadia rediscovers her roots, her language, and her ambitions, as her father demonstrates the unavoidable destiny of becoming a Philistine – the Arabic word for Palestinian. With Manal’s career poised to take off and her father’s secret life revealed, the First Intifada erupts across the border.

The Twenty-Ninth Year, Hala Alyan

For Hala Alyan, twenty-nine is a year of transformation and upheaval, a year in which the past--memories of family members, old friends and past lovers, the heat of another land, another language, a different faith--winds itself around the present.

Hala's ever-shifting, subversive verse sifts together and through different forms of forced displacement and the tolls they take on mind and body. Poems leap from war-torn cities in the Middle East, to an Oklahoma Olive Garden, a Brooklyn brownstone; from alcoholism to recovery; from a single woman to a wife. This collection summons breathtaking chaos, one that seeps into the bones of these odes, the shape of these elegies.

A vivid catalog of heartache, loneliness, love and joy, The Twenty-Ninth Year is an education in looking for home and self in the space between disparate identities.

Between Banat, Mejdulene Bernard Shomali

In Between Banat Mejdulene Bernard Shomali examines homoeroticism and nonnormative sexualities between Arab women in transnational Arab literature, art, and film. Moving from The Thousand and One Nights and the Golden Era of Egyptian cinema to contemporary novels, autobiographical writing, and prints and graphic novels that imagine queer Arab futures, Shomali uses what she calls queer Arab critique to locate queer desire amid heteronormative imperatives. Showing how systems of heteropatriarchy and Arab nationalisms foreclose queer Arab women's futures, she draws on the transliterated term "banat"--the Arabic word for girls--to refer to women, femmes, and nonbinary people who disrupt stereotypical and Orientalist representations of the "Arab woman." By attending to Arab women's narration of desire and identity, queer Arab critique substantiates queer Arab histories while challenging Orientalist and Arab national paradigms that erase queer subjects. In this way, Shomali frames queerness and Arabness as relational and transnational subject formations and contends that prioritizing transnational collectivity over politics of authenticity, respectability, and inclusion can help lead toward queer freedom.

Belladonna, Anbara Salam

Isabella is beautiful, inscrutable, and popular. Her best friend, Bridget, keeps quietly to the fringes of their Connecticut Catholic school, watching everything and everyone, but most especially Isabella.

In 1957, when the girls graduate, they land coveted spots at the Accademia di Belle Arti di Pentila in northern Italy, a prestigious art history school on the grounds of a silent convent. There, free of her claustrophobic home and the town that will always see her and her Egyptian mother as outsiders, Bridget discovers she can reinvent herself as anyone she desires... perhaps even someone Isabella could desire in return.

But as that glittering year goes on, Bridget begins to suspect Isabella is keeping a secret from her, one that will change the course of their lives forever. (I believe this book is by a Palestinian author but not actually set in or about Palestine.)

[three--rings]

You know, I wonder if anyone else feels this way.

But the thing I felt tonight, watching IWTV, is like....

Because there's SO MUCH going on in it. Like it's vampires, but it's also trauma and big emotions and high stakes and unreliable narrators and abusive relationships and gaslighting the audience (maybe?)(that's what someone gaslit would say)...

You don't have room to think "oh hey this is gay."

Like, so much queer media is ABOUT the fact that it's gay. If it's not about realizing you're queer, it's about coming out, or dealing with oppression or whatever. Or it's just so flagrantly yelling "oh hey look, are you seeing this? It's two dudes! Kissing!"

And, like, I feel like IWTV just sorta doesn't do that at all. At the beginning of S1 it may have been more of a thing, but now it's just like OH HELL CHARACTERS ARE HAPPENING.

And like, most of what I watch is queer content, and this feels different?

Obviously if a bigot watches it, I'm sure they're still going to have the Eww two dudes response, until they have to turn it off before their minds overheat.

But also I am reminded of when I was a theater kid at an all-girls school and we put on plays with girls in all the roles. And when we went to perform for outside audiences, the director would give a little speech beforehand about the fact that men's roles would be played by women and we find that if you just give it about 15 minutes you stop noticing and it's all just a play.

(Leading to a hilarious to me anecdote of one show I was in, playing a man, in which I did a tango with another male character. One of my more sheltered and religious friends came to see it and said "when it got to that part I was like 'omg it's two men dancing together!! wait, NO! they're women! Wait, that's still gay!')

And I feel like IWTV is kinda like that, perhaps, for someone without a lot of exposure to queer shit, where at first maybe you're like Oh! but then after a while you're just there for the batshit ass story and you entirely forget there's anything to note about the gender of the people in this baroque and twisted love(?) story.

[jonathan-cranes-mistress-of-fear]

"He certainly is a queer fellow" || The Scarecrow and his LGBTQIA+ Metaphors

From his first appearance, to the early 90s, there was one word used to describe Scarecrow that fans have really attached themselves to. And that is the word "Queer" (please note: I don't want discourse over the word itself on this post, please be respectful in your comments and tags)

In his first ever comic, his fellow professors call him a :"Queer Fellow" (Note: mine is a reprint, but if you find scans of the original comic, you can also see that Jonathan refers to himself as "Queer" instead of "Strange") (They would often replace the word in later retellings of his origin, all except for in the 90s with the three issue story God of Fear, where they use the word once more)

Obviously, as with lots of words, Queer did not meant what it does today. It was just another word for weird. I'm not going into the history of queer, as there's still a lot I don't know myself. BUT--whats more "weird" then being queer? In the eyes of those professors back then, that is.

And of course, who can forget "Queer Grasshopper Leaps" which appears not once, but multiple times in various comics. With all this said, it makes sense for queer kids of our generation to feel like Jonathan. Weird. Unliked. Different. Queer. Let them raise their flag in the name of Scarecrow, I say!

And the thing is, Jonathan learns to accept himself. If they're going to call him queer, he's going to embrace it. He's going to be a symbol of poverty and fear, something they couldn't even begin to comprehend. It's all very similar to internalized feelings of inadequacy related to ones queer-ness. Learning to love oneself for who they truly are

And that's not all....

In Scarecrow Year One, a story rife with religious trauma, there is even more to discover. In this story, Jonathan is yet again fired for shooting a gun in the classroom, but the classic queer metaphor is missing. This time, to be replaced with a gay/trans allegory.

Jonathan, a young kid is obsessed with reading. He reads all kinds of books, Most notable--Jame's Joyce's Ulysses. The kids who bully Jonathan in the backstory call it a "fairy book" and try to burn it. But great granny? She takes it a whole new level

It's one thing for a boy to read a so called "fairy book"--possibly effeminate of him? But it's another to suggest he's masturbating to it. That's just downright ignorant.

Ignorance is something queer kids often face. They get told how sinful they supposedly are, and how they're deranged and weird. Weird huh? Like...queer?

Depending on how you read year one, it's possible to see a trans or gay allegory hidden in it's pages. It's also possible to see some racist notes, should we image his father as Native American. Either way, there's a lot of deep conversations that can be had about this origin. Whether you headcanon Jonathan as trans, gay or both, these stories are great fodder for headcanons and character development.

There's one thing that can be said about all this, if you headcanon Jonathan as LGBTQIA+ -- you are valid and amazing, and the comics support you. <3

[linnetagain]

Following up on that last Anon’s ask, I’m trying to decide if Good Men and Monsters is up my alley. I love The Season (we know this), I love the First Light series (had to laugh at the “oops figure skating” author’s note in one of the most recent chapters; I’m torn between wanting All Season All The Time and eagerly awaiting wedding bells in And All Things End), and A Good Heart is just objectively, categorically cute (can confirm, read it again just a second ago, can we expect to see who I assume is Bear-But-With-Wings in First Light? All Astarions should have a kitty, it’s just the rules), and what fools these mortals be is queued up to read as soon as I’m done writing this.

Obviously, GMaM is your only fic rated E. That’s not an immediate turn-off, given Astarion and Gale’s canon backstories. I probably would have clicked through already if it was just that, but I was wondering if you could elaborate further on a couple of the Gale tags? Specifically “Priest Gale” and “Gale doesn’t have the orb but he is catholic so.” Real-world religious trauma is tricky for me. Obviously canon!Gale has religious trauma surrounding Mystra, but what relationship does GMaM!Gale have with his faith? Is it just your standard “Catholic guilt,” or is it something more? And where this one has smut (assuming it’s consensual bloodweave smut, and not referring to the rape/non-con tags, and Gale is a Catholic priest, does that mean by being with Astarion he breaks his vows?

I would love to be able to read everything you write, because I adore the way you write relationships (particularly as a demice/demiro myself), but I have to be careful about religion in fanfics. Whether I end up reading GMaM or not, I hope you are able to have the time to write Part 3 to your satisfaction, because I can tell it means a lot to you and your readers. Hope you’re having a good day!!

Hello!

Thank you as always for your kindness and enthusiasm I appreciate it so much 💕

Ooof, yeah, I wish this was an easy one to answer but it is not.

I am writing Victorian 'Catholic' Gale from a position as a queer person who was raised catholic and I know I'm bringing my personal experience into that. Where Priest!Gale is in the fic is a place where a lot of queer people have been with religion, I think - he believes that there is goodness in the world, and he wants there to be more of it, and for his whole life he's been told the only way that can be achievable is through God. Specifically His God. If he finds joy or - heaven forbid - pleasure anywhere else, he is Bad. And he copes with that a lot by pushing away from having to address that incongruence and the guilt he carries for it, focusing on trying to do his best to be kind and helpful and improve his parishioner's lives.

A lot of his background character arc in the fic is him beginning to challenge that because Astarion's sheer existence is challenging that, and trying to discern where the line between God and What People Say God Says lies, as well as whether he believes in God. Which is fun when you throw in the supernatural and occult as a fact of existence. It's also established that it's not a new struggle for him. Hea dealing with internalised homophobia and unconscious bias for sure, and he doesn't always handle it in the best way.

The E rating is for consensual soft smut I have planned for act 3 which is of indiscernible levels of explicitness at the time of writing, but yeah, the non-con tag is in reference to Astarion's background which is very similar to in-game. It is mentioned but only briefly, and off-stage, as it were.

I hope that helps you make a decision and if it's a no for any reason please don't feel bad, it's important to look after yourself!

[starlight-tav]

Shadowheart and Religious Trauma

Warnings: MAJOR spoilers for Shadowheart's companion quest, religious abuse/trauma, anxiety, grief

Note: I'll probably revisit this one day when it's not so fresh in my mind and hopefully I'll make more sense then. For now, these are my thoughts, jumbled and raw

One of the most heartbreaking things for me while playing BG3 was Shadowheart's story and how analogous it is to religious deconstruction.

I was raised in a Christian cult – I won't go in depth about the abuses I suffered within, but I will say that the pain is always with me, much like the curse of Shar that lingers within Shadowheart until you make your final decisions in the House of Grief.

Shadowheart travels an arduous path from Shar's embrace to freedom; she's zealous when you first meet her, having been stripped of her entire identity. Shar and her followers have not only taken her name, her memories, and caused her immeasurable mental and physical harm; they have also taken her family, warped her only memory of her father into a source of paralyzing fear.

If you establish a bond with Shadowheart, you see her start to question the curse bestowed on her. She begins to doubt the "lesson" her goddess must be teaching her. And then you meet the Nightsong, the ultimate test of her faith.

If Shadowheart spares Dame Aylin's life, she turns her back on her goddess and the only community she's ever known up until the tadpole brought you together. She doesn't have to make this decision alone. She has you and your other companions standing with her. She spares the Nightsong and rejects the cruel deity she's spent her life serving.

Shadowheart appears more hopeful, more determined than ever. With your help, she's going to find her parents and save them from the goddess.

You fight side by side through the dark disciples and the Mother Superior in the House of Grief. You get the key to the dungeon. You find her parents. There's an impossibly brief moment where you think we did it. And then Shar shows herself.

She tells Shadowheart to make the choice between her own freedom and her parents' lives. This decision devastated me. I had to close the game. I had to take a breath and calm down. Because I had to make that decision too.

I had to decide between my own life and a relationship with the people who raised me. I could come out and reject everything I'd been taught, severing the bonds between myself and the people who perpetuated my pain; or I could carry on in service until it killed me.

When Shadowheart was presented the options, there was no question in my mind as to what I was going to choose. But I didn't know if that was because it was what was best for me or for her.

This is where Shadowheart's story diverts the most from my own. Her parents wanted her to be free. Their faith in Selûne would transform them, bring them peace, and keep them close to her. Knowing this, I urged Shadowheart to take their lives, putting them at rest. She did.

Shadowheart is free from the Lady of Loss now. But she grieves. She'll never hear her parents' laughs. She'll never feel their comforting touches or receive their careful wisdom. That pain is real, and it'll never disappear. But the hope is that she won't be alone. She has your merry band of weirdos after all.

That's what has saved me too. My friends, the queer and neurodivergent communities, support from my therapist. It'll always hurt, but with their help I'll survive it.

Larian is such an amazing team. The care they've put into telling stories of survival, grief, love, healing, and tough decisions is so amazing. I'm grateful for their hard work and creativity. The moments of hurt and the moments of catharsis will stay with me for a long, long time.

[seilucard]

stuff i wish people did when making a filipino character (part 1?)

disclaimer: i am by no means an expert, but i am a born and raised filipino so! take that as you will

actually make the filipino be born and raised in the philippines. there are very few filipinos that show just how beautiful (and, admittedly, toxic) the culture of the philippines can be in modern media, if AT ALL.

like lets talk about the toxicity of filipino culture -cause there is SO much to be said about how problematic the hierarchical family structure is of most filipino families. children are rarely given any agency, are spoiled in the early beginnings of their lives and then suddenly once theyre adults theyre expected to just know how to adult despite being sheltered their entire lives.

okay and lets not even get STARTED with religious trauma. there are actually quite a lot of filipino youth who are very very detached from the main religion here (catholicism) because of it. i cant speak for the muslim population of the philippines as they tend to live far from where i live, but what i do know is that a ton of us filipino youth have been traumatized from their experiences in catholic schools. like,,, the horror stories you will hear from this place are just sad.

but on the brighter side, lets talk about the casual gender neutrality of filipino culture. we have no gendered pronouns. at its best? the philippines is very liberal with how AMABs and AFABs can present - it's, of course, still shunned upon to dress like the opposite sex, but among the younger generations, its SO common to see AMABs wearing makeup and skirts and heels and AFABs having short, masculine looking haircuts. oh, and the philippine drag scene is absolutely amazing!! if you want an easy gateway into queer Filipino media, ph drag race shows are the way to go