#religion is hard

[wadesprincessboy]

My mother is trying to get me to start practicing Judaism again, and tbh its tempting. I tend to go through phases of different religions to try things out and always end up back at Judaism. Ive tried hard to wrap my head around the whole Jesus thing but it isnt really sticking to me yk? I think he sounds like a cool dude but in the way that i feel about fictional characters so.....

Yeah

All I know at the end of the day is I believe in God, idk much more than that.

[sandandlightning]

My Recent Personal Spiritual Journey

When I started this blog, I had strongly identified as a Kemetic pagan for some years. Before that an eclectic pagan, and before that just sort of generically ‘pagan’ as I was first trying to sort religion out for myself. Regardless of the label, Set had been the god I was closest to since I was a school kid.

I was in a good place spiritually when I was posting. In a way my attempts to share my knowledge was an offering in and of itself. I wanted to help others like me, especially since I always felt isolated as a solitary practitioner. I originally fell off due to things just getting busy and my health being what it is, but I found it even harder to pick up the pieces here after having a crisis of faith.

I still consider myself under the pagan umbrella, I don't think I will ever not fall under it, but I’ve certainly returned to my eclectic roots. 

The harsh reality is that pagan spaces can become extremely cliquey. Most of us are neurodivergent, disabled, queer- societal outcasts in one form or another. I think a great number of us have a strong desire to find a community where we feel like we belong. It's a natural human instinct, we're pack animals at heart. The stakes are so high trying to find safe religious spaces, not only is there all of this baseline social anxiety, but you are interacting with something that is so personal and vulnerable.

Obviously, no religion is without problematic radicals. Neo Nazis and racists trying to coopt heathenry is a well known problem. And maybe, compared to that, things I have experienced aren't nearly as harrowing. (Not that, unfortunately, I have never run into those kind of so-called heathens). Paganism, especially any reconstructionist avenues, is wrought with gatekeeping and elitism. And that's not even considering the fact you have a few, marginalized, under funded individuals trying to hold together groups with rubber bands and duck tape, doing their best but unable to maintain spaces as much as they want or know is necessary.

Particularly my experiences with kemetic spaces has been… unpleasant. And worst of all, this oftentimes has to do with my closeness to Set. It is very strange in all honesty, because unlike most who have experienced their religious trauma at the hands of a conservative Christian family, mine has always been at the hands of others in the community. Which, of course, to those who have had to deal with the worst of Christianity my heart goes out to you, my personal experiences in no way are meant to belittle your own. But I have to address it, because there is this particularly unique hell of getting kicked out of the space for people with Unusual Beliefs for having a belief that is Too Unusual.

Which was always frustrating, because I did not think my own beliefs were particularly radical. I simply subscribed to old kingdom and upper Egyptian theological structure. But those aren't the popular ones, and I have outright had kemetic spaces react to my veneration of Set with the same vehemence a conservative Christian grandmother might to their goth grandchild wearing something ‘satanic’. 

And sadly, those were actually the easier cases to deal with. Because while I didn't agree, at least everyone was up front about not agreeing, and about how they viewed things. I could remove myself quickly and move on. But a lot of places Want To Be Cool but Still Get Weird Around Set. And even if they try to be nice, there is a lot of internalized demonization of my deity around others that becomes hard to navigate. It's the micro transgressions and off handed comments. I am all for irreverence, I worship a trickster, but sometimes there are lines that get crossed and it's so hard to vocalize why things became uncomfortable. I don't know how to explain why jizz in salad jokes are funny but brother murdering jokes aren't. And sometimes when I try to express discomfort I just get met with a passive aggressive, ‘well that's what happens when you follow a problematic god, get used to it.’ It's incredibly alienating.

Some people have been so nice. Even if they don't agree with something, they try their hardest. They are clear and say, ‘hey, we're sorry we don't exactly agree or follow the same things, we won't be able to change or accommodate certain things, but we honestly are not bothered by your personal beliefs and you are welcome to stay.’ but for everyone 1 of them there are 5 in the same coven or community who are in fact bothered and hide it poorly, only even trying because they know it's Not Allowed to be exclusionary. And those people become an insurmountable hurdle to reach the kind ones. Or, in the end, even if someone is being kind and accepting, there is still that underlying feeling of still not quite feeling like you belong or fit in. Which isn't their fault, and makes me feel like I'm being petty. In the end I’d have to give up one way or another.

Some people have gatekept in exceptionally nitpicky ways. I remember following some persons blog who rather loudly venerated Wsir and Set side by side. They dealt with constant clap back from a lot of people I had to deal with too. People would just tell me that Aset and Wsir simply Would Not Like Me for my relation with Set. That narrative isn't really how I experience polytheism at all, nor in many cases is it necessarily ‘historically accurate’ (tho it is on occasion, and those people cite those instances feverently). It is the same feeling as having a radical, extremist Christian tell you Jesus hates you for being gay despite the fact that realistically that's not in the Bible. 

That's why, despite feeling close to many Egyptian ideas, and in a world with many deities the ones I felt closest to hailed from Kemet, attempts to double down on kemetic practice always backfired spectacularly. My interpretations of Ma'at I would find to be different from others in a way that, frankly, made me feel some people were wholly unethical. Religion is a foundation of morality for many, and so when I look for my fellows for assurance that, in this abrahamic ruled world, I am not a bad person as I am often condemned, it is so, so damaging when those who I thought were my peers turn around and say that I am a radical, and my ideation is not valid. That I am wrong, not just factually, but morally.

My ties to old gods are because I do not particularly understand or endorse moral trends that have been propagated by abrahamic dominance and born of a corrupt world struggling through late stage capitalism. Some or more generically accepted began ideas, like sex positivity and queer friendliness. I find purity culture particularly loathsome. I live off the land, and don't think enough people understand or appreciate the circle of life, have looked their dinner in the eyes while it still breathes, understand that their hands are not necessarily clean just because they are an end consumer who did not personally kill something, or that slaughtering an animal for food is something that can be done respectfully and should be acknowledged. The latter bits are obviously where I start to lose people. A lot of new age folk enforce a buddhist based pacifist nature which I find entirely commendable on its own, but struggle to interact with when it is projected onto unlike pantheons. I suppose in a way, it comes down to being frustrated that many are allowed to cherry pick ideas from different cultures to form their beliefs, but if I am not picking the ‘popular’ ones I am simply wrong.

As an eclectic I have never had a problem with people picking and choosing ideas and themes that resonate with them, mind you. It's something that has more historical basis than how most reconstructionists try to section things off. But the hypocrisy and double standard are frustrating nonetheless.

One particular complaint I would get from kemetic circles more often or not was that I was a leftist, or left hand path pagan, and they weren't comfortable with that. I have known about left hand path worship since I was a child, but I never particularly thought the label fit me. The core left hand path idea in satanic pursuit is ‘worship of the self’, which was not how I practiced. I was wholly theistic. But Set has long since been identified with the satanic church, and many people less familiar with leftist ideals look at Set and Loki and every other ‘problematic’ or demonized deity and throw their worshipers into that category by default.

It was particularly frustrating when this became twisted into an implication that such practice made me selfish or self serving in a problematic way, which frankly, is just insulting to true Satanists who I have always found to be lovely people. I am not even sure I can correctly vocalize this phenomena sufficiently. I suppose one common issue is the implications that by trying to share my take on something, people would get defensive and push back like I was trying to change their minds. Even if they are the one who asked the question, if the answer is too far from what is expected they become uncomfortable. I suppose it's because, like me, they are looking for that assurance and sense of community. Not everyone who has done this is doing so maliciously and I realize, but it still hurts for everyone involved and is frustrating, hense an inclination to simply remove myself and find a place I do fit in, as lonely as the journey has been.

But after the last failed attempt to integrate with a Kemetic ground ended in disaster I finally said fuck it. If everyone is going to say I am a left hand path pagan, let's actually look into flavors of satanism, let's try it. At least the people there won't be so frustrating to be around.

It was a particularly harrowing experience, that last Kemetic group. I had turned to my religion after a lot of traumatic, unfortunate events in my life. I had lost most of my support system, finally thrown aside by the last of my family for being trans, my health was getting worse, the only thing I could do was pray. And everyone was inviting at first, but it was all so… performative. That ‘i have to be nice to you because I want to be seen as nice' behavior, when it was obvious people didn't agree fundamentally with many things I had to say. There was a lot of petty mean girls drama that didn't even have to do with religion, honestly, but the lack of morality from people who supposedly have the same foundation as you is maddening. They were ‘pro Set’ but they still practiced osirian mysteries and became Very Weird About Him around those times. It was a mix of people trying earnestly to be inclusive and people being annoyed at my presence. I don't subscribe to be slaying of Wsir myth, and was assured that was ‘okay’, and that other people agreed, but it is still hard when I can't seem to find those people, and when it was time to talk about those myths my value as a member of a community was just left by the wayside. I don't by any means expect them to stop participating in festivals that are important by any means, but given how large the group was, given how many supposed other Sethian practitioners there were, it was hard not to feel forgotten and ignored. A ‘and if you don't participate in this, why don’t you have fun with this other thing’, a quick shout out, a simple acknowledgement that not everyone participated in those festivals would have done a lot. Trying to ‘be the change I wanted to see’ did not end well, people did not take kindly to me trying to reach out to and organize things for the other Sethians. There wasn't much winning.

I came to feel uncomfortable around Aset, Heru, and Wsir. Which was particularly frustrating, because I had been close to Heru in the past. But the doubling down on certain narratives, the hive mind interpretation of how those gods behaved being so different from what I saw and experienced, it became too hard to go against the grain. I tried expanding with more obscure deities that were less concretely written in thebgroup. I became close to Neith and Khnum and Serkert, I focused on the esna traditions, something I predominantly had the pleasure of learning about because of sources from the group! But no one else particularly followed them, and so I was left alone again.

There was a common conundrum in the group, something I did also personally experience but dealt with- shockingly- in a different way than most. It's the age old, ‘well, this ancient calendar from this part of the world with an entirely different set of seasons doesn't line up with the Gregorian one at all!’ conundrum. A lot of paganism is nature based, a lot of pagans really like that connection, and it's had when working with a culture or pantheon where nature doesn't line up with the practice. Even more so with a culture that doesn't have as much, or as popularly known, rituals or practices for certain ‘popularly pagan'bthings. Like lunar cycles. Personally, moon stuff I just kept separate and interacted with in a very eclectic sense. It was never a super big focus for me, compared to a wiccain let's say. Lots of people here though really wanted big lunar stuff in a solar focused religion. I mean, go nuts! Have fun with Djehuty and Khonsu. But they sort of… wanted to push everyone else into doing that, and that was where it became awkward. Besides that there was just, a lot of disconnect on how to handle the reality of our seasons vs the ancient calendar we followed. No one really liked to talk about or acknowledge it as an issue outside of vague complaints. I personally also follow the wheel of the year, because it is designed for a modern calendar, and spent a lot of time trying to work out what Kemetic deities would make the most sense to be venerated on which of those days. It seemed a bit odd to me most people were more concerned with full moon rituals than Mabon or Litha, and I felt pretty solitary in holidays I adopted specifically because they were ‘mainstream’. A bit of a personal problem I realize, but it was another straw in the camel's back.

But I've digressed a fair bit. The point being I took a few dozen hints and ultimately left, not wanting to waste energy around people who caused me stress and feeling utterly shattered by a loss of faith. I felt so alone and lost. My gods had been twisted in my mind into something they weren't. I felt constantly ashamed and worried I was causing them offense, with perhaps the sole exceptions of Set and Anpu. I did not know where else to go, so I turned to pantheons yet untapped and unexplored. I went to the place people kept assuming I belonged, thinking maybe they were right and I just misunderstood the concept.

I certainly had not, but I found a much more rich and diverse and organized ecosystem within left hand path faiths. I certainly did not feel, theistic focused as I am, that I fit in with many different flavors of satanism (but again, no offense to them, you all are absolutely lovely, you keep on living your best lives.) but there were theistic forms of satanism that seemed more fitting to my cup of tea. And, as stated before, Set was already venerated in a lot of Satanic churches. This sometimes made me feel uncomfortable, because in my understanding of Set, he and Satan or Lucifer or whichever incarnations did not share a lot in common. I disliked the idea of a Christian narrative being forced on an old god on principle. But what I found were reasons for his veneration that were honestly a lot more in line with my own beliefs and upg and not simply because ‘bad guy god go here.’ it was his championing of individualism, the chaotic nature of nature itself, and free will, luciferian ideals to be sure but approached from surprisingly historically appropriate sources and not at all monotheized narratives. There is obviously some level of ‘well we are adopting him because he has been labeled as problematic’ but they took the time to understand intricacies of his teachings and not just copy paste some ideas onto him. For the first time in a long time, I saw other people look at his aspect as a war god and interpret it as I had, ‘you should speak up for fight for what you believe, you have a right to fight tooth and nail to exist in this word, it is more ethical to fight against injustice you see than be a bystander.’ This patroning of ‘war’ was not just a traditional one fought with spears and blood, but the embodiment of a fighting spirit to push back and make the change you want to see in the world with the tools whatever society you are in sees fit. I finally began to feel less alone.

I have become exceptionally close to Lucifer, and I really shouldn't be surprised. I was always wary to approach him, to approach certain aspects of Satanism as though it was simply signing myself up for too much. Not in a particularly Christian narrative induce way, (not that living in a Christian country wants a factor, of course) but in the same way that I whole heartedly respect the All Father but will not go near him with a ten foot pole. It was a can of worms I was afraid of opening, but apparently needlessly so. 

As an enjoyer of myth and theology in general, I had done my fair share of research on demonology and abrahamic angelic hierarchies purely from a scholarly point of view. It was not my religion, but it was fascinating nonetheless. But those ideas I consumed in my youth shaped me more than I thought, and I now fully believe several such entities have been watching over me since childhood, patiently waiting for me to be ready to listen and accept them into my life. Leviathan, particularly, I have also become close to and can in hindsight see so many instances of his influence and protection in my life. 

As I continued down a rabbit hole exploring a tangle of satanic, pagan, and left hand umbrellas I eventually arrived at the more recently coined, but longly practiced demonalatory. The Goetia was quite popular here, and that was something my previous demonology research had well equipped me for! I did not feel so grossly like I was starting over, just applying knowledge I had had for decades and applying it in new ways. 

What really won me and caused me to double down was the community I found. I have not reached out much, I am an anxious individual on a good day, but I could see even just looking from a distance how different things were. Everything was so much more courteous. People went out of their way to actually shut down gatekeeping when it was seen. People linked their references in a way that wasn't condescending or assuming it was an end all be all truth. Eclecticism was encouraged! Books I read literally told me ‘dont like these hierarchies? Make your own! Feel it with your heart.’ People actually take this advice seriously and respect others. People have the fucking capacity to go ‘man, that isn't the aspect of that entity that I persieve or interact with, but yours is so valid, these are all multi faceted beings.’ they are beginner friendly, actually beginner friendly, with dozens of archived and organized posts to help explain things from different authors and perspectives. Even posts telling people they shouldn't worry if there is a big ‘fad’ happening when they join and they shouldn't take it to heart or as gospel. Encouraging questioning everything and meaning it. Intellectual discussion without 50 ‘well actuallys’, a community where everyone is actually treated as equal and no one person becomes venerated as some defacto priest. It is lovely.

Per advice given, I decided to work out my own mini patheon of central deities, demons, and entities, working with those I had a connection with before and seeing how things went. Honestly, a lot of this was because I would look at certain quarter ruler arrangements and go ‘I mean yeah, Lucifer, Belial, and Leviathan? Those be the classics. But while I am sure you're lovely Feloreus, I have literally never heard of you before and the one of these things is not like the other energy is just not the vibe.’ I have since substituted him with Ashtaroth as the fire elemental, but I'll talk more about that later.

Bune was the first I interacted with. Their sigil was something I first saw in an anime when I was 5 for a deity that was effectively a DnD lesser god. Much later in life I had a moment where I joked I ‘was connecting dots that were never meant to be connected’ when doing some Goetia research for a more recent anime made me recognize the sigil from my childhood favorite show. I quickly developed a favorite goetic demon, even if it was at the time from a secular place. Ultimately, I found a lot of connections from my childhood and felt closer to them than ever. They were another ‘red’ entity like Set, and they became something of my liaison as I explored with others.

In an attempt based purely in desperation, I had turned to Ipos after determining he seemed to be the most qualified to help with my anxiety. He was exceptionally soothing and familiar, the latter of which was strange. Further down the research hole what do I find? A fairly unanimous conclusion that Ipos is the corrupted, demonized representation of Anpu in early Christianity. Fucking bet.

This was delightful on so many layers. For one, it was fascinating to see a very different game of linguistic telephone and see how Ipos, in a way, was far closer to original translations and transliterations of Anpu than the romanized Anubis. I found, and have found with every deity I have since attempted to ‘reverse engineer' in this way, that the understanding of this entity passed down by word of mouth was far more inline not only with my personal interpretation and upg, but with how original Egyptian text described when you scrub out all of the 17th century white British Christian nonsense that archeology is laden with. Even pagan scholars, try as they might, have a hard time removing things that have been treated as fact for so long, seeing bias that is ingrained in our society. This was like some magical, isolated, uncorrupted source of information. Which well, there has certainly been corruption, especially from 17th century white British Christian nonsense even though it was from an occultist's hand rather than an archeologist’s and arguably therefore less severe, but it felt so much more genuine than so many takes of reconstructionists. It was more sparse, but that lack of need to methodically fill in the gaps kept the information that was there a bit less twisted. Kept further from the public eye, the layers of whitewashing that needed to be scrubbed away were significantly less. 

Rather than a small window into a glorious past that seems unattainable, I feel like I have found the long path the gods have walked to where they sit in this world today.

While demonalatory comes in heavily theistic flavors it comes in many more secular ones as well, as is unsurprising given its satanic roots. I have found many ‘traditionally witchy’ pagan practices that are sometimes just awkwardly pasted over the base pantheons and practices to fit with a wider crowd and modern understanding have much stronger roots here- or at least have been settled into a nest much more carefully and integrated with forethought. And besides that I have found so many of those ideas cited in Egypt! Some of which I knew, others I didn't. It was so strange, knowing I had spent years studying Egyptian myth and practice and ideas, only to find so many fundamental traditions originated there despite being forgotten by the reconstructionists. Alchemy began in Egypt I knew, but I found so many better sources, so many specific little things I didn't realize were a part of the alchemy umbrella because they have become so unanimously adopted by modern secular witchcraft elements such as astronomy they are treated as a modern idea not rooted in tradition and cut out of their origin. Metals especially were fascinating, especially with so much corroboration from isolated far east cultures. People talk about Egypt, and talk about how Egypt was influenced, and talk about how Egypt influenced others instead of trying to put things in a vacuum. I was delighted.

Set, of course, had his own fun with all this. I did have anxiety and general existential dread at what felt like simply jumping religions after decades. Would he be mad I was so close to these other gods and demons where I had failed to be close to any of his siblings? Would it upset him if I redesigned the altar he was the center of? Would he feel like the odd one out over time?

Sitri was a goetic demon that was a favorite go to of mine for using in fiction. I had done lots of research on him earlier in my life than with Bune. You think the leopard imagery would have been a hint. 

A good meditation of being trolled by your patron with lots of sad farewell songs coming on only for the tone to shift abruptly and you start to realize, wait a minute. And sure enough, like with Ipos and Anpu, there was a general consensus that Sitri is Set. I could feel him laughing, but it was the closest I had felt to him in a long time, and I was finally at some semblance of peace.

I personally view his aspect as Sitri as particularly doubling down on the ‘patron god of the gay’ aspect, but that is a fair amount of upg. 

I have taken to trying to document as many ‘original identities’ of traditional goetic and other popular demons as I can, something I feel a bit uniquely equipped to pursue given my background (not that there aren't others in the same boat I'm sure.) I've made a lot of personal discoveries and latched on to many more of others. While not as absolute as some have found, enough etymology telephone could place our fire deity Feloreus as an aspect of Heru, so no wonder I had felt a bit awkward after my recent divine falling out. Ashtaroth (which I have taken to preferring over Astaroth) is unquestionably Ishtar and the many many different diets in the area she shares roles with. I will do a fun post on some of the etymology later, but it is where we get Ostara and apparently validated some upg of her and Lucifer being close.

Which is ironic, because I have always felt drawn to Ishtar but struggled to approach. Now having the correct avenue, it has become easy. In terms of Egypt I personally identify her most with Hat-Hor opposed to Aset. I suppose that is my old kingdom inclination, as I feel like the original ideal of Aset is much further off from her, unlike the new kingdom nigh monotheistic Aset which was much closer. Particularly the idea of Hat-Hor and Sekhmet as two faces of the same entity speaks to Ishtar for me personally. I had some closeness with Hat-Hor, certainly the closest I was to a goddess, but things still sometimes felt clunky. This now is all more natural. 

But most importantly I don't feel like I have abandoned my gods, just found a better avenue with which to communicate with them and accepted a few more into my inner circle. But it was all a long, complicated, tedious process that is not easy to explain so I have written this unholy novella to try to. Not that I have ever been particularly skilled at being concise. 

I feel more like myself than I have in a long time. I think I had really begun to internalize things about my religion that were at odds with my own internal processes and unhealthy, even if it was little things like starting to feel self conscious about what types of clothes I wore. All the parts of witchcraft that are important to me feel so cohesive now, my calendar is no longer an unsolvable conundrum that always ends in me feeling on the sidelines, but something a nice mix of traditional and tailored that I think is much more palatable to the new crowd I have found. 

The unfortunate result is for the first time in my life considering something of a broom closet. A post about aroace rage I once read articulated the feeling well, that they aren't a ‘socially acceptable easy to digest ace who wants to be all lovey dovey’, I feel like I am no longer a ‘socially acceptable, easy to digest pagan'. I am not a quirky witch who worships nature and flowers and gods you learned about in public school in a way that is strange but exotic and intriguing. I have befriended the devil even if I do not see him as such, I fall under a satanic umbrella of some kind even if I am not entirely sure the label fits, or what label does fit. I am now no longer simply standing in a place that a fair number of Christians would see as about as confusing as Hinduism or other non abrahamic religions, but something in technicality in direct opposition to it. Not that there aren't always radical Christians who are quick to assume any flavor of witchy endeavors is satanic and by satanic they assume you are sacrificing goats. But I feel like I am over a line, I am no longer ‘passing’, a feeling I have had to contend with through transitions and sexuality and race that I don't particularly relish having to again. Not that there's much to be done for it. In the end it susses out the assholes of the world quick, which in a way so exactly what I was asking for, but I still have a fear in the back of my head, the same one that an unforgiving neighbor will try to vandalize my house for the same way I always have due to my sexuality or gender. You think living with the fear that long I'd be used to it but no. I am just… suddenly self conscious about talking about religious anything in public, thinking to hard about every joke or creative swear, hyper conscious that should someone recognize the sigils I have drawn on my arm to try and calm my nerves and repair my health that they may turn against me without warning and with extreme prejudice, openly berate me while I mind my own business.

But as I said it is technically what I asked for. I would rather be able to see my enemies clearly than continue to have them masquerade as my friends. 

A more depressing note than I intended to end on, but one I felt compelled to share all the same. I think it is important to address the hard things. And really, I am much happier now. I feel more centered, I feel like I understand myself and the world around me better. I feel heard and I feel included rather than alone. Not that it isn't lonely sometimes, there aren't really any local pagan groups in the area, but then again 90% of ‘the area’ is corn and soy so that's unsurprising. There's actually a lovely pagan apothecary in the closest city! And with any luck I will be able to sell some consigned goods there.

All of this is, in the end, besides a lengthy meandering confession of sorts I suppose, a lengthy and meandering explanation for a change in direction for this blog. I'll make some more, significantly more succinct posts about some things in the future, but for now I give you the full story as to why things are so different.

I intend to keep what has been posted archived and available. My compulsion to share myself and my spirituality is, besides wanting to feel connected, rooted in some ways in a desire to help and to share and put things out there because if I don't, who will? As a Sethian, the idea of deleting existing content in an attempt to present uniformity and professionalism is just nonsensical. Change happens, Set is about embracing change, and hiding my own change certainly won't do any good for myself or the world at large. If nothing else I hope other, younger pagans see this and take away ‘its okay to try something new and go somewhere else, no matter how long it's been.’ In a similar vein, I am absolutely happy to continue to discuss any Egyptian ideas, from upg I have had, currently had, to historical sources I have showered and have under my belt. If something I have or know can help you with what you're doing, going through, or trying to understand I am more than happy to share! 

[crulixto]

I find this so hilarious at the fact i am Christian (agnostic) but i pray alot to become rlly devoted and to actually believe in God.

Yet here i am, writing demon fanfiction with my fav characters’ consisting the names of Satan and Lucifer..

[bigsoftmarshmallow]

It's fine! Really!

And, honestly, it was actually a bit rude of me to ask in the first place, so how about we call it even?

I guess it just gets a bit frustrating sometimes, is all. And I understand. I used to not tag my more risqué stuff with "nsft" as diligently as I do now. Like, I just wouldn't even think. Then, I got an anon ask saying they were underage & were uncomfortable with that sort of content.

And I was horrified, so now I tag anything I post or reblog that has that sort of content with the right tag & try to encourage others to do so as well.

... Sorry, rambling. That tends to happen.

And, to be fair... I hate that we have so many Judge Frolos, too... but one thing we have to remember is to not generalize. People are just people. And that means that there are gonna be some rotten eggs in every carton, unfortunately.

Like, I could certainly name some really bad agnostics, but that'd be petty & rude, so I'm not going to. Especially considering how nice you'd been.

Also, if you happen to encounter Christians who act in such a way again? My suggestion is to point out how un-Christian their behavior is, possibly with scripture as proof that they aren't behaving how God expects us to. If they actually love Him & legitimately want to do right by him, then if nothing else, it'll at least plant a seed. And if they don't change their behavior, then they might not be as Christian as they pretend to be.

I don't know about anyone else, but that would give me pause & cause me to reexamine my behavior.

Well, whatever. Bless! And thanks for understanding.

Oml I adore you!!! You are absolutely right. I do my best not to generalize and remind myself that not all of one demographic is assholes (I live in a 99.9% Christian area, and its hard to not lump them together as they all really behave the same.)

You were perfectly fine calling me out on my posts if you truly did not enjoy it, especially if you are a follower and enjoy the 99% of my posts that are not religion related! Even if you are a fellow random who stumbled onto my domain, you are very brave for speaking up. I appreciate it.

Judge Frolos, lol. I appreciate the reference. You neat. I have been going that route when I come across folks of that nature, just... The folks of my town don't care, sadly. They continue with their false righteousness of hatred and bigotry and sadly, there is not enough people of the correct righteousness here to help fight back. It's a damn shame, and I admit it has clouded my judgement of many Christians in general. I am sorry for that, and I will do better in the future.

I will certainly try to do better about specific tags. Many may fall through the cracks, but I will definitely put more effort into taking notice of reposts of that nature at the very least.

I wish upon you love, luck, and happiness, my dear Relig Anon. May you be blessed in your endeavors, and may Jesus be with you. Feel free to drop by my asks in the future should you ever wanna chat about religion in a more open discussion or for any other random matter!

[blueskittlesart]

All children raised religiously are being abused. They're sweet now but in thirty years see who's voting for Trump Jr or who ever the fuck.

ok let's talk about it. for context i've been working with children aged 2-6 in both school and home settings for almost 10 years and have met kids raised in basically every major religion in the world. I was personally raised completely agnostic.

religion is not inherently abuse. religion is a moral framework. All religions have the potential to become high-control groups or perpetuate abuse, and certain religions are more prone to those issues than others. that does not mean that teaching your child about the god you believe in is abusive. the abuse comes when your religion perpetuates a lack of choice, which, as I have already explained, most of the religious children i have worked with are not experiencing. Religion at such a young age is often primarily about stories, which preschool aged children LOVE. The bible functions similarly to, say, a my little pony episode to these children, in the sense that it's a fun story they get to experience which teaches them an age-appropriate moral lesson at the end. (and by and large, these kids are only getting the age-appropriate stories and lessons. I do not know any evangelical children who are being taught about the rapture and i don't condone that kind of fear tactic, but again, that's not what's being discussed here. we're talking about RELIGION, not high-control groups that happen to use god as a mechanism to perpetuate their abuse.)

in that same vein, religion in preschool aged children largely functions as a moral framework, which, in certain situations, can genuinely be very helpful. the christian and muslim children I have worked with especially are very often the ones that are the best at resolving conflict. they understand the concept of "treat others the way you want to be treated" and they're able to articulate it to their peers at an age where their morality is still developing and children often think in very black and white, self-centered ways. With rituals like prayer, church, etc, at such a young age they tend to consider them bonding activities. they have friends at their church or temple. their entire family prays together in the same way an agnostic family may enjoy a family dinner. again, I'm not denying that these rituals have the potential to be used to control or abuse, but they are not INHERENTLY abusive. they're normal. religion is a normal part of life for a VERY large percent of the population. telling your two year old about heaven isn't inherently going to strike the fear of god into their heart. more likely it's going to make them tell their babysitter, very earnestly, that when they go to heaven they're going to bring their legos so that we can all play legos together in heaven.

it is very likely that you, personally, have people in your life who are privately religious and you never even knew, because religion is not inherently a public statement of identity nor is it necessarily conducive to fringe or radical beliefs. it is a part of the human experience. you need to learn to be normal about religion.

[palatinewolfsblog]

"Religion is at its best when it makes us ask hard questions about ourselves. It is at its worst when it deludes us into thinking we have all the answers for everybody else." Archibald McLeish.

[hinamie]

i have so much band!au content in the pipeline my brain is Rotting but enjoy these two for now

jjk band!au

[starrotica]

a priest kneels between my legs. he tells me i've been a bad pup, a menace, a threat to his holiness- but God will understand why he's doing this, right? God can see how difficult it is to resist temptation, right? he can confess his sins when he's done.

the sweet, sweet prince, he can't ignore it anymore. the want- no, the need to devour me. he spreads my thighs and gapes at my aching boycunt, already soaking wet and exposed. he leans forward. takes my tcock into his mouth and sucks. the motion is foreign to him, but i can see him- i can see his eyes roll back at the taste of a different kind of divinity.

his nails dig into my skin as he laps at my cunt, groaning at the taste, burying himself deep inside of me as he eats me like the finest fruit, the drinks me in like the smoothest wine. every time he pulls back for breath, i can hear his whispers of oh merciful lord, i come before you seeking forgiveness. but the poor thing can't seem to stop. not until i've cum. not until he sees that veering off his path was worth it.

when he sees my shaking legs and hears my whines and whimpers, he's transfixed; he grits his teeth and recites prayer after prayer as he frantically unzips his pants juuust enough to pull his cock out. he plunges deep inside of me with a cry of God's name and fucks me hard and fast, fast, fast, as if God will not see our sin if we are quick enough.

he cums deep inside of me, crying, guilty and wrecked. he prays God will understand.

he prays God will grant him grace when he sees me in the front pew the next Sunday, too.

[joshuamj]

In Stars And Time? More like In Ace And Gender

+ some alts

[ilovemesomevincentprice]

Vincent Price and Gene Tierney -

Dragonwyck (1946) dir. Joseph L. Mankiewitcz

[spectral-snippets-and-drabbles]

A Martyr From the Ashes

For everyone in the fandom saying saying that Danny thinks Martian ManHunter is cooler than Superman, we don't really see it all that much in writing.

I'mma try and fix that...

~•~•~•~•~•~

The Martian Book of Legends held the heroic tale of Saint Da'han'yul Fen'tuun of Mars, a sickly albino priest of a small town that held marriages, sermons regarding life and how it should be enriched and lived to its fullest, and specialized in funerals that used cremations with fire, a feat thought to be physically impossible by the masses. As people saw him look into the flames without fear while others cowered, rumors spread that the young man was blessed by H'ronmeer himself, the Martian God of Fire, Life, and Death.

People spoke about how Da'han'yul turned down all attempts at courtship, for he had decided to dedicate his life to bring light in the darkest times to all lives in the name of his God. He was a thing of beauty with a gentle soul and shy demeanor, even the Red and Green skinned who had still held a firm belief on the caste system could not deny his charm. How the terminally ill Martian carried on his mission with a smile, nobody knew.

However, tragedy struck on the day that should have spelled the beginning of the end for the Martian people. A parasitic species had invaded the Martian Homeworld and was causing untold havoc. As civilians fled from the threat and prepared a counter offensive, it was Da'han'yul Fen'tuun who charged into the danger headfirst to save his people from becoming prey.

As others pleaded for him to run away, in a great bright flash of light, a gigantic Martian loomed over the enemy emerged where the ill Martian stood, coated in flames in a form they've never seen before with a halo and body that burned a haunting green.

The deafening silence still held as the enormous creature brought a massive fist on the giant pale walker that was destroying homes. A wave of its hand sent a wall of green flames raced towards the foot soldiers, reducing them to ash while his people and buildings were not harmed in any form without an ounce fear of these fires the creature used to purge the enemy. Within the hour, the threat had been neutralized and peace was brought back to the red planet.

As the Martian people looked to the titan, they knew. H'ronmeer's had chosen his most loyal servant, Da'han'yul, as the avatar of his wrath to smite those who would bring his people harm. The people hugged and wept tears of joy and cheered for the priest and H'ronmeer for saving them, but the tears soon became tears of sorrow.

The giant groaned in pain as he fell on one knee as it began to crumble into ash before the people's very eyes. Like a flame, Da'han'yul Fen'tuun had burned his brightest when life needed him most, and now death called to him as it slowly extinguished it to give him peace. With a final message, he pleaded to his people to come together as one and to not see one another as lesser or greater than, but as equals who can help one another in the darkest of times and the hardships yet to come. With his final moments gone, a final telepathic embrace was given to all before he fell silent for the last time.

The massive pile of ash that were his remains was brought back to his little village and made into a beautiful garden of ash in the temple where the newly titled Saint made his home in, where it would be made a holy site that many would come to give their thanks and pay their respects for H'ronmeer' and his champion alike.

And for centuries, peace was held before it was shattered by Ma'alefa'ak, who unleashed the Fire Plague to take vengeance on his people for his inability to experience the psionic way of life that was the norm. His smile as his people screamed in anguish was knocked off his face in the most literal of terms when a Martian struck him down and had him by the throat.

A Martian with eyes burning in anger as Ma'alefa'ak failed to break free and was being beaten severely for his crimes against the people of Mars. A Martian made entirely up of ash and green embers.

Saint Da'han'yul Fen'tuun had returned, if only for a moment longer. And he was not happy.

Quickly, one by one across the planet, the martians set ablaze burned a gentle green that healed them. In this miraculous act of divine intervention, not a single Martian had lost their life. Most were now unconscious with labored breathing being heard.

J'onn watched on as his brother screamed in agony as his body burst into green flames as a pool of ash began to swallow his brother whole. Before disappearing entirely, Da'han'yul told him the punishment his brother would be facing.

"Ma'alefa'ak's psionic abilities have been awoken. He will be sentenced to become a living flame until he has lived the collective life span of all that he has tried to extinguish."

J'onn was too stunned to speak. With how long a Martian can live, it was the equivalent of telling him his brother would be suffering for an eternity. It seemed unethical, but he knew his brother had dug his own grave the moment he saw the reanimated remains of Da'han'yul Fen'tuun's ashes take swift action.

"Everything will be ok now, J'onn. Go to your family and tend to them.

"Da'han'yul...Thank you. I'm sorry I wasn't there to help you when you were still alive." J'onn solemnly uttered as he looked to the ground, unable to look at his deceased youngest brother.

"Nonsense J'onn, it's not your fault...The caste system...it–"

"I could've done more! Instead I saved myself instead of being there when my brothers needed me most!"

"J'onn...you were just a child."

"It makes none of it right!"

He was right in that aspect, but it still didn't feel right. Ma'alefa'ak' was ostracized by society, was treated like a freak of nature for lack of natural gifts and he wanted to burn society to the ground in the most literal of terms because of it.

While Da'han'yul, the forgotten youngest brother, was treated horribly for being albino and treated cruelly. He contracted a deadly disease when he separated himself from the family to live in isolation with other albinos that made him sickly and cut his life expectancy down severely. Knowing what befell him, seeing him struggle to move and hold down food at times while J'onn and their parents did nothing.

These tumultuous emotions sat in J'onn for so long. The way he wanted to go and help them both, but the fear of association and social punishment for merely being seen with his brothers made him cry when he younger for being so weak willed. It wasn't until their parents bragged about the sacrifice their forgotten child had made, the sone they purposely scorned made him snap.

"J'onn, promise to keep my message alive for me. Help our people become whole again."

"Of course, brother." Is what J'onn tells him as he watches his little brother vanish again for a third and final time.

[incorrect-hs-quotes]

KARKAT: BUT CAN A CIS GUY DO THIS? [DROPS PANTS. MY DICK JUST FUCKING FLOPS ONTO THE FLOOR AND BOUNCES AWAY]

ERIDAN: once in school i wwas wwalkin dowwn the hall at a brisk pace wwearin dress pants n boxers and my (HOMEMADE wwith nylon stockings + condoms + gak) packer just fell out a my leg n rolled dowwn the hall a little wways

ERIDAN: thankfully the only other person in that hall at that time wwas gamzee makara the wweird stoner theology / philosophy student wwho rode his bike around the halls sometimes and he literally just looked at me and said "Aw BrOtHeR. i HaTe WhEn It DoEs ThAt" and wwalked awway

[lesbiannieism]

THIS!!!!!!!!!

[anghraine]

jenndoesnotcare replied to this post:

Every time LDS kids come to my neighborhood I am so so nice to them. I hope they remember the blue haired lady who was kind, when people try to convince them the outside world is bad and scary. (Also they are always so young! I want to feed them cookies and give them Diana Wynne Jones books or something)

Thank you! Honestly, this sort of kindness can go a really long way, even if it doesn't seem like it at the time.

LDS children and missionaries (and the majority of the latter are barely of age) are often the people who interact the most with non-Mormons on a daily basis, and thus are kind of the "face" of the Church to non-Mormons a lot of the time. As a result, they're frequently the ones who actually experience the brunt of antagonism towards the Church, which only reinforces the distrust they've already been taught to feel towards the rest of the world.

It's not that the Church doesn't deserve this antagonism, but a lot of people seem to take this enormous pride in showing up Mormon teenagers who have spent most of their lives under intense social pressure, instruction, expectation, and close observation from both their peers and from older authorities in the Church (it largely operates on seniority, so young unmarried people in particular tend to have very little power within its hierarchies). Being "owned" for clout by non-Mormons doesn't prove anything to most of them except that their leaders and parents are right and they can't trust people outside the Church.

The fact that the Church usually does provide a tightly-knit community, a distinct and familiar culture, and a well-developed infrastructure for supporting its members' needs as long as they do [xyz] means that there can be very concrete benefits to staying in the Church, staying closeted, whatever. So if, additionally, a Mormon kid has every reason to think that nobody outside the Church is going to extend compassion or kindness towards them, that the rest of the world really is as hostile and dangerous as they've been told, the stakes for leaving are all the higher, despite the costs of staying.

So people from "outside" who disrupt this narrative of a hostile, threatening world that cannot conceivably understand their experiences or perspectives can be really important. It's important for them to know that there are communities and reliable support systems outside the Church, that leaving the Church does not have to mean being a pariah in every context, that there are concrete resources outside the Church, that compassion and decency in ordinary day-to-day life is not the province of any particular religion or sect and can be found anywhere. This kind of information can be really important evidence for people to have when they are deciding how much they're willing to risk losing.

So yeah, all of this is to say that you're doing a good thing that may well provide a lifeline for very vulnerable people, even if you don't personally see results at the time.

[riversaremeanttobefollowed]

We all know that the reason why Bruce Wayne isn't religiously Jewish is because dc are cowards, but also because many of the community itself is cowards. I personally believe it comes from a lack of knowledge about what it even means to be religious because most of the community is Christian or culturally Christian. So as someone that would probably be considered not religious by Christians, but Religious by most other Jewish people, I think that Bruce Wayne fits in this section of being Jewish.

Bruce can't go to the Synagogue often because of the whole being Batman stuff, but he still goes on the high holidays when he can. He celebrates with the Kane family as well! And Kate would obviously understand if he couldn't come because she's Batwoman! Give me a Bruce Wayne says Yiddish curses. Give me a Batman that has a bunch of Chanukkiot that are just so pretty because they are rich and definitely have a ton. Give me Batfamily shabbat dinners when they are able to. Rest days on Saturday for the Jewish members when they are more members in the Batfam to make it work (and it being a mitzvah when he does have to be Batman on Shabbat because its a mitzvah to save a life). Give me Mezuzot on every entryway. Give me a Bruce Wayne who inherited his mother's seder plates and actually uses them. Give me a Bruce Wayne that says stuff like kein ayin hara before giving good news! Give me a confused Dick Grayson when Bruce insults him (its actually a compliment, but to ward against the evil eye you will say the opposite of what you mean) and then Bruce having to explain after he realizes that Dick has no idea why he just insulted him. Give me a Batman that follows Jewish values (more than he canonically does)

Just because someone ins't actively involved within a wider community of that Religion doesn't mean they aren't Religious! Or at least don't give me a culturally Jewish Bruce Wayne that doesn't do any of this. Thats just you stripping away all the Jewish parts of him.

Bruce Wayne is Jewish and you can't just ignore that

[lime-bucket]

Its awfully convenient how not once in hazbin hotel were cain & abel mentioned.is it cuz fratricide was too edgy fr the rAuNcHy aDuLt show? Or did viv purposefully kept them out of the story cuz she knew theyll give adam a sound reason to his hate fr sinners as well as destroying any chance fr her to push the narrative of "the sad dad whos trying his best" on lucifer?🤨

cuz tricking a boy to kill his brother wont make him that sympathetic to the viewers now would it🙄