#related to last night thought
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to me, caduceus multiple times stating how exhausted and tired he is to tmn (including in response to being asked a question.. just too tired to think about it anymore) is spoonie evidence . yes he kept going with tmn on adrenalin and wanting to help them but he was saying it even more at the end of th campaign and he really should get to lay down more . otherwise i think he is dizzy and brainfoggy and has a wonky heart-rate
#kiddo say#related to last night thought#also something i said before maybe#who care. autism.#i was going to list another thing but i forgot#oh . also .other thing i remembered. at least in th beginning taliesin also purposely makes it so cads out of breath when he speaks#so this adds to evidence. hes tired out he needs a rest so much please he needs a hip brace and his meds
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So.
Act 5, huh?
Oh, and that.
"You can start breakdown now."
Finished the game couple of days ago and had some thoughts I needed to process a little. Like. Yes.
So anyway I actually didn't plan this and just wanted to redraw some sprites to just make sure I understand how to draw Siffrin correctly (still working on that!)
What did I learn from this? How fun it it to draw on a canvas that literally doesn't let you draw with colors without some layer cheating when necessary. Never tried it.
The beans. Sleeping beans.
Basically what happens when you want to sleep AND draw. Draw characters sleeping on your behalf.
Doesn't help, but at least it's cute.
I have no idea what was going on in my mind as I drew this. Feels like a fever dream of 'I want to sleep' at 4 am and 'Hm...' of thinking random things
Also that phone craft sign. Still too funny to imagine. I had to.
#fanart#sketch#my art#isat spoilers#isat#siffrin#siffrin isat#isat loop#in stars and time#I also tried to draw the Party too! But that one sketch is too rough yet!#And I'll probably never post it it was fun to draw them tho#Anyway I had /thoughts/ playing Act 5#Not great ones too! I would rather they stayed where I would never even know they exist#But I had to while playing so I did#So it took some time to just sit with everything also I spend a lot of time just doing achievements#One left! The annoying one.#NG+ is fun too#I'm still surprised by how much I enjoyed it#Like 'staying until 6 am playing 10 hours straight' kind of enjoyed#From 'hm I wonder what's it about' to 'yeah I cried multiple times so I think it's allowed to live in my head too'#I got sick multiple times on related and unrelated reasons while playing and planning to play that wasn't fun#Anyway it's cool have some sketches because I couldn't stop drawing last night#I love drawing characters being emotionally in pain but that requires specific mood and music to go with#And not overdoing it#Like when drawing first one 'Aishite' was on loop the whole time#It's b&w too! Red layers are added with 'paste' magic love that
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Vigil - 2x06
#vigiledit#bbc vigil#amy silva#kirsten longacre#suranne jones#rose leslie#vigil spoilers#vigil 2x06#amy x kirsten#femslash related stuff#okay so I hadn't been feeling well saturday night so when the eps dropped I literally just watched the last scene on iplayer#just to make sure nobody freaking died#and it was amy saying I'm coming home on the phone#and given the ''come home''/''I can't'' moment in the trailer I thought amy was legit gonna stay in wudyan these whole last 3 eps#which I didn't love the idea of I truly wanted an amy/kirsten reunion but I was like oh maybe rose leslie's pregnancy interfered#as long as they're both alive and we got that lovely scene in ep 2 it's fine#so this was all a COMPLETE surprise even more than usual#I made it a twist to my own self#and then it was like the perfect hurt/comfort scene you'd want for an action detective couple like this!#amy so focused on the job and then dropping everything to rush to kirsten's side#sitting there all night and that classic waking up in the chair next to the hospital bed scene#and they even had their cake and ate it too by having amy *choose* kirsten over the job#only for kirsten to then push her back to it#and going from this soppy soft teary version of amy to a pissed off black suit badass#because they'd hurt her girl#such a good couple to build a series like this around#lol amy really didn't want to leave!#she's just sitting and gazing at kirsten#man those years ago kirsten would never have imagined getting to see amy like this and meaning so much to her
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Why is this book about 1880s London Jews so relatable to the 2020s American Roman Catholic experience?
In Amy Levy's Reuben Sachs, you've got:
The community that is at once fully part of the modern world while having an insular nature (and the amount of modern vs. insular varies based on the person and family)
The people who ignore their religion 99% of the year, but wouldn't even consider skipping services on the important holidays
The ultra-traditionalists who go so intense on holding to traditions that a lot of other members of their religion side-eye them
The kids who go to services only because their parents force them to, or who rebel and refuse to go because they don't see the point or don't believe in God
The new convert who is more zealous than, like, 90% of the people who were born into this religion
A family with its very specific blend of religious opinions and inside jokes that's fully aware that they're baffling to outsiders
This book was apparently meant to be a realistic portrait of Jewish life (in response to Daniel Deronda and its (according to Levy) highly unrealistic and over-idealized portrayal of Jews), and my goodness, did she succeed in capturing what it's like to live in a culturally religious community in a rapidly secularizing world.
#books#victober#reuben sachs#amy levy#i'm only about a third of the way through but the impression's already so strong i have to talk about it#i thought the anglican church drama was relatable but this cranks it up to 11#also i need to say that while i'm struggling through two books by people who are major overwriters#it is *such* a relief to read something by an under-writer#it's snappy it's quick it's witty it's concise#the oscar wilde vibe is still going strong#i have no clue how these family connections work#and her habit of underwriting is making it hard to differentiate this huge cast#but it's still fun to meet them all#also: love the deeply middle-class vibe#we've got your bankers and your businessmen#but one guy shows up and he's just...a dentist#so refreshing so real#also: i adore the way levy writes family relationships#maybe my favorite thing about her#all these people who are fully aware of each others' quirks#will constantly poke fun at each other but also love each other#in a way that's equal parts fondness and exasperation and good humor#there's something about her style that resonates so well with my interior personality/thought process#and maybe with my writing style/approach to stories#which is very weird because as people we're total opposites#but it feels like hanging out with a friend#anyway i prayed for her last night
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I’m only on season 3 of 911, but I’ve actually seen quite a few people actually losing hope that Buck will end up with Eddie because of the fact that he’s with another man.
I find that interesting because you would think that now is when everyone would have the most hope, but it honestly makes sense to me. I think it’s a result of disbelief. A man headcanoned as Bi actually becoming canonly bi is basically impossible, at least that’s what we’ve been led to believe through decades of the same thing on other shows, one after another.
I think the idea that Buddie could actually happen feels actually impossible because they’ve somehow already done something we were told couldn’t be done, so to have that happen again by making the headcanoned queer ship canon, it’s too good to be true. It just doesn’t happen. It never happens.
It’s sad that that’s the way it has been. But I truly hope that Buddie becomes canon and marks a real turning point for fandoms/shows/the queer community.
#if something happened related to Buddie in last nights episode#don’t tell me lol#I wrote this before last nights episode#I’m trying to catch up quick#evan buckey x eddie diaz#911 tv show#evan buckley#eddie diaz#buddie#911 abc#911 thoughts#buck x tommy#buck x eddie#bi evan buckley#911 show
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Me being in the Phandom like
#danny phantom#deep space gives me anxiety lmao#stars are cool but they're on thin ice#I also can't see them very well anyway since I have visual snow so the night sky is more static than anything#ANYWAY GONNA POST THIS AND DUCK AND HIDE#safety/#that last tag is related to my OCD if you ever see me post it just know there's some weird or anxiety inducing OCD thought process happening#dogposts
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this is honestly my favorite song on flood
#besides maybe hearing aid#i love this song for a lot of reasons but chief among them is that ive been obsessed with the imagery of#the idea of spongeing off something unpleasant thats spilled on your brain#thats so nonspecific and so disturbing and also so relatable#i was talking with my friend last night about what tmbg protagonists/characters we weirdly identify with#and i was like honestly i think its mr horrible. maybe tied with mister me#but i have to listen to them and think really hard about it all day now#i know everyone has their own interpetations of tmbg songs including this one but to me this song is the autistic experience incarnate#like i have a lot a lot of thoughts about the lyrics of this song#and they way they reflect my own state of mind Lol
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girlhood
#i have to fly out to capetown to see mother and im literally debating if i could land in the morning and leave at night on the same day#like. anything longer than that is going to ruin my year.#when she called and did her “katherine. you have to be here on the 10th” i literally sobbed in my bed for the rest of the day 😍😍😍#not dyeing my hair black for a year and its getting lighter and lighter everyday and i look like her again#and my therapist telling me “you need to do things for yourself.” but like can i? sorry that woman traumatised me and i actually cant :)#like everything i do is informed by her#I'm going to go and just like everytime the only way to keep my sanity is to mirror her. talk and sit and speak and read and eat like her#and its such a terrifying experience bc i remember that im capable of emulating her viciousness and maybe i am my mother's daugher 🤢🤢🤢#and im going to come back and its going to take fucking months for me to feel like myself again#“oh you look so beautiful just like your mother” i hope you DIE lol !!! the fact that my conception of beauty was shaped by her#growing up with this cruel beautiful detached woman and realising that at the intersection of beauty and wickness is a lifetime of pain#and still being so desperate for her approval- for any metaphysical proximity to her that i felt elated when#people would tell me i look like her. that it meant i was also beautiful like her and maybe she'll love me a little for it#but now i know for a fact that i do look like her and it makes saliva swell under my tongue - that moment right before you throw up-#when people mention it 😍#last time i was in capetown my optic neuritis flared up (and i know for a fact it was that it was ms-stress related from having to see her)#and i thought i hid it so well even though i had near constant headaches & lethargy until she said “katherine give me the red notebook”#and i knew that she knew all along. it was so acutely humiliating standing there and knowing she knows i cant see which one is the red one#and she tilted her head and said “whats the matter? do you not know what red looks like?”#im never going to have kids. my mother and i read eachother so well it can only mean im never too far removed from becoming her#lol!!!!!!!!!
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Since I have finally defeated the horrors*, I'm starting to catch up on World Beyond Numbers after having fallen behind when school started after arc 1, and I did in fact have to pause to take a walk to get some baklava before getting too far into the Citadel food crawl because it is late afternoon and I was not gonna make it.
#*technically i finished classwork last week but i only got the last of my grades back last night and thank FUCK.#i did get straight As and thats what matters 😌#on a tangentially related note (being a nerd) idgaf about the discourse i want to be a citadel wizard so bad.#this place is like. nyc meets venice. in the desert. I WANT TO LIVE THERRRRE#and also i wanna be steel when i grow up.#like i said do not care about the discourse I hear it's horrific i am a citadel wizard apologist and i do not take criticism at this time.#i am vaguely aware of the discourse and I do already have thoughts on it but I'll be waiting to say more until i meet the coven.#HOWEVER. wizard apologist babey. i am assuming my hat for the summer.#wbn
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Had a dream where I got a borzoi and named it dvd normal
#had two dog related dreams last night which is strange because I don't generally remember my dreams#in the other one I met a dog named Lola who could fly like Dumbo with her giant ears and it was the funniest thing that ever happened#I woke up and thought of her flying as high as she could until she was nothing more than a speck in the sky and started crying laughing#anyway. since i'll never have dickie (the borzoi i was going to get last year) maybe one day I'll get one and name it dvd normal instead#brookie's bullshit
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#quotes#sad thoughts#relatable quotes#alone with my thoughts#teen quotes#being alone#texts from last night#i have tears in my eyes#texts#sad post#textos#tears#text messages#text messages i’ll never send#i feel empty#unlovable#heart ache#broken heart#heart broken quotes#i'm broke#broken#mentally unstable#lovers to strangers#loneliness#stay alive#forever and always#sad truth#not the same#sad love quote#depressing things
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Hua Cheng uses those hand-drawn emoji reaction memes, this is canon event because I said so These little doodles are also posted on my instagram (@yumemiruuuu) if you want to check them out ♡
#do you guys think that Hua Cheng would have a bandage shaped tanning mark from the many years of having his face bandaged up?#like hua cheng might not but hong-er definitely could have it and he’s so self-conscious about it#i need answers man#literally stayed up in bed last night thinking about this#i have so many tgcf related thoughts that keep me up at night#tgcf#天官赐福#heaven official's blessing#tian guan ci fu#hua cheng#tgcf fanart#hua cheng fanart
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Good afternoon everypony!! Last night my partner and I got a little silly and rewatched the episode of PPG where Utonium and Ms. Keane start dating and ugghh....why he so FUCKING cute 😭😭💖💖
And tbhhh the reason they sorta didn't work out is cause they weren't able to balance the lives they had with their infatuation with each other (tbh if the cat argument hadn't happened when it did any ol thing would have caused them to break up methinks) and y'know...I think that's why he'd work so well with my s/i 🥺👉👈
Theyre allowed to still be their own people and have their own things even if they do become a couple! Even if they get married! They're still individuals who support their own passions as well as each other's. And they certainly don't need/want to change themselves for each other 💖💖💖
#jane journals#self insert talk#🔬 starkissed scientist 🔬#WAAAHH DONT MIND ME 🥺🥺👉👈#im remembering my thoughts from last night ajfjgk we shortly thereafter went upstairs watched silly video and passed out#and another thing is my partner mentioned that thats kinda why we work so well irl...🥺💗💖💗💖💗💖#we take being separated very well (its kinda necessary for their job)#so when we DO return its like the first time all over again. we also do a lot of paralell play!!#like. its enough to be in the same room#and thats what i think would be w my s/i and utonium >//<#also THE EP AFTER THAT UGH BLOSSOM MY POOR SWEET GIFTED CHILD 😭😭😭#i love her sm shes so me when i was younger if im being truly honest#bubbles is my favorite but blossom...i relate to ajfjf
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actually wait in relation to the last post about ghibli and how it is aestheticized into bland and toothless images of comfort, it's got me thinking abt Ursula K Le Guin again
The trouble is that we have a bad habit, encouraged by pedants and sophisticates, of considering happiness as something rather stupid. Only pain is intellectual, only evil interesting. This is the treason of the artist: a refusal to admit the banality of evil and the terrible boredom of pain. If you can’t lick ’em, join ’em. If it hurts, repeat it. But to praise despair is to condemn delight, to embrace violence is to lose hold of everything else. We have almost lost hold; we can no longer describe a happy man, nor make any celebration of joy.
(from The Ones Who Walk Away from Omelas, 1973, top of pg.2)
i think that the original post is guilty of this to a degree, seeking to refute the idiocy and simplicity of focusing on the "happy" themes of ghibli movies my instead shifting attention to the horrors and pains contained within the text—those which could be seen as intellectual, needing perhaps a more sophisticated understanding of environmentalism and geopolitics.
but, furthermore, i think i'm guilty of it even in trying to defend miyazaki's often returning narrative commitment to hope and environmentalism and anti-war sentiment and kindness—after the last tag, i wanted to add something about "i know that putting kindness above pursuit of power feels like a baby theme for babies" because it Does, to me. "be kind" is, like, the first and simplest rule most of us are taught as children, be kind, don't hit your brother, be kind, share, be kind.
i don't refer to this as one of his more challenging themes, of course, because why should i? we all know to be kind. of course, i refer only to topics of war and environmentalism and grief as challenging. kindness is simple!
(nevermind that one of the biggest challenges for myself and a lot of people i know is how to stop being cruel to oneself after decades of practice and learned examples and instead to learn to be kind and forgiving with one's own mistakes and failures and perceived flaws)
and i wonder two things: 1) is it possible that the self-aestheticization of miyazaki's movies (for example, the rapturous visual attention paid to food, the attention paid to soft chairs, pillows, small and pleasantly cluttered environments, with plenty of natural light, lush plantlife and endearing creatures) contribute to miyazaki's more "challenging" messages, and if so, that there's a degree of success in people remembering the thick-cut bacon and eggs on toast from Howl's Moving Castle before they think of Sophie Hatter's town on fire because of the king's war? Has Hayao Miyazaki succeeded in making war and destruction at once horrifying and banal, but a simple good breakfast fascinating and compelling? ——not to say that people who simplify the movie to Only the aesthetics are right. they still aren't. they exist in dialogue with the destruction and it's ridiculous to sever the two. but is it possible that the majority of people thinking first of the "cozy" elements of Studio Ghibli's work is not nonintellectual and reductive, but rather contributes to a larger point of attention?
2) i ought to find other examples of media which do not treat "happy" themes or "light" themes—(i struggle even to talk about the category i mean without dismissing it entirely as Simple, or mischaracterizing it. i mean things like kindness over power and compassion over fear, things like that) which do not treat the themes as childish or nonintellectual, but also do so without fetishizing violence and suffering as Special and More Deserving of Thought than Simple and Stupid Good Feelings so that i can kind of investigate this concept a little more
#rare personal post#this may perhaps be influenced by having watched frankie and johnny last night which i believe may be of the type of movie im seeking#for this media exercise anyway LMFAO#because it was a complicated and realistic movie i think which handled with deft touch the like.#terror of being alone vs the terror of being loved—hypothetically simple in theory. in practicality: the nightmare of opening yourself up#all without fetishizing or even showing in gratuitous detail the suffering that lead to the characters fear of the love which they want#(frankie from johnny—intimate partners in general—and johnny from his kids)#this is not to say i don't like stories which depict or even fetishize suffering i absolutely fucking do BUT#ever since i read omelas as a hs senior i've been aware of my own tendency to consider suffering intellectual and happiness stupid#and am trying to challenge that whenever possible#anyway this post exists mainly as notes to myself but if anyones reading it and hasn't read The Ones Who Walk Away From Omelas yet.#do that some time! its four pages long and it's a really excellent thought exercise#this whole thing i think might be tangentially related to my “are true anti war movies possible?” project#post is unreblogabble bc like said its just notes for me 💖 media recommendations welcome tho#developing project
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So we know that Jamie comes to AFC Richmond on loan from Man City, right? but like… what’s the story behind that?
We know Richmond needed him bc Dani was hurt, but was he getting minutes at Man City before he left?
ALSO. Where was he playing before he went to Man City? Was he, like… a rec league kid? Man City academy? Man United academy???
Did Jamie Tartt end up at Richmond bc Man City didn’t think he was good enough?
#I’m having lots of Cavan Sullivan inspired thoughts about Jamie#INSPIRED#not directly related#but like… huge promise from a v young age#promised to Man City when he turns 18#but like#what if that doesn’t work out#is Cavan Sullivan a deep cut?#idk I know him#I want all the success for him#not for his team#but that’s a different story#I watched him meet Messi last night after the Philly Union vs Inter Miami game last night and he’s been on my mind lol#ANYWAY#jamie tartt#afc richmond#ted lasso#just my ramblings#Sadie does soccer#so much of my soccer knowledge is MLS based and not BPL based pls don’t hold it against me too much#just a girl trying her best
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New Mulder headcanon: He's really good at improvising bandages and other first aid dressings but it's often with the wackiest stuff, like electrical tape, masking tape, etc.
#this is at least partially from the fact that he gets injured so damn much#and didnt have scully for a good long time so learnt to Improvise(tm)#this is also related to the knife esp incident last night#which is not something i ever thought id type and yet. here we are.#and here *i* am with my fingertip wrapped in masking tape because i dont own any plasters apparently and those things are expensive yall#x files#the x files#the scientist speaks#headcanons
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