#reddit incels never fail

[kingkatsuki]

Specifically thinking about long distance relationships today.

So tell me how you and your f/o would first meet online?

[deadpoetmagda]

The way everyone now took up in arms blaming women and girls for the elections results and young men turning into the far right truly made something click in me, literally everyone and their grandpa is blaming women, even groups who hate each others are now bonding together like besties just to blame women, so excuse me for ranting on tumblr.com, this is gonna be long :)

What's been happening lately really opened my eyes to how hypocritical everyone is, what's everyone only ever good at is pointing their fingers at women and throwing the blame at us, misogyny and violence against women in all its shapes and forms since the dawn of time till these days didn't cause women to go out on the streets and murder men in masses, yet apparently misandry is real and some comments online made by the evil feminists were enough to radicalize young men and turn them into far right incels and are to blame for the elections in the US, women are always to blame for everything, I'm not surprised with this coming from men but to see women spewing this dumb bullshit too is so disheartening, to me you're no different than the conservatives who blame women for men's "loneliness epidemic" instead of encouraging them to start treating us better, teenage boys and men are shouting "your body our choice" at little girls and young women yet all you fuckers can take from that is that these girls and women are somehow to blame for it!!! A 19 yo girl typing I HATE MEN on her silly little Facebook page or reddit discord after years of nothing but stories of rape and misogyny in the news and in her neighborhood and her school and her home and literally fucking everywhere is to blame for men and boys being radicalized actually, meanwhile the internet is filled with men sharing rape videos and their violent fantasies about us and then they go out in real life shouting and smirking at us admitting how badly they want to strip us of our rights!!

Teenage boys are watching violent porn, men gang rape teenage girls, women and girls get trafficked, raped, beaten, murdered on the daily around the globe, it's statistically proven that husbands mistreat and abuse their wives on such a high scale even in first world countries, not to mention the daily misogyny and sexsism we face, men don't even need to get "radicalized", the majority of men out their don't want us to reach them and be "nicer" to them like you preach, they simply want power over us and to misuse that power, and women and girls who recognize this and see it clearly in the world we live in right now and the thousands of years of recorded history we have and not even to mention personal experiences are the ones to blame... for being aware of it and acknowledging it and demanding change!!!! How fucking dumb are you, or maybe you're just a pretentious hypocrite :)

No one's ever blamed these boys and men for me and other women to end up having radical feminism views, nah they're too busy calling us demented and mentally ill and lecturing us about how to treat men better lest we fail them and blaming us for everything wrong with the world!

Ever since I got introduced to radical feminism and found myself agreeing with some of its ideas and arguments I was always still critical and sometimes even wary of it and never really called myself one, but now if I get totally sucked into it and get "radicalized" myself it's actually all your fault, how about that? Congratulations, centuries of men raping us and creating endless systems to oppress us in unimaginable ways didn't radicalize me, you and your hypocrisy did that instead :)

Honestly fuck all of you dumb shitheads, you can't gaslight us into cuddling men while they keep beating us bloody, I've had enough!

[canonically47]

social media headcanons for tdi gen 4 :3

nichelle: has instagram, twitter and tiktok. has a massive following which only slightly decreased after her hollywood fail. she posts pictures of herself and her friends on set or out in the city, and her story is always photos of herself with a song in the background or some important cause. she actually cares about those causes and boosts them as much as she can.

julia: has instagram, twitter and tiktok. tells people to kill themselves uncensored which has caused her to have her accounts banned so many times that she has lost every follower. somehow the super fans of total drama still found her current account and she is bathing in the attention she is receiving. whether it’s love or hate, she likes every comment, and insults haters.

bowie: has instagram, twitter and tiktok. he has a lot of followers due to being the first openly gay contestant, and also a lot of haters for that exact reason, whom he cusses out daily, and so do his fans. some argue he’s toxic; others may say he just doesn’t take anyone’s shit.

MK: has instagram, twitter, tiktok, reddit and tumblr. she uses anonymous or small accounts that never link back to her personally. nobody has found her accounts and it is driving them crazy. doxxes people.

zee: has instagram, tumblr and pinterest. he just posts pictures of himself or of nature that he’s taken. sometimes he gets on instagram live high out of his mind and rambles about the meaning of mankind’s existence for three hours, then it’s radio silence from him for months. he also likes a lot of posts that talk about how confusing gender is, which has led some fans to believe he may not be very cisgender. when asked “Hey Zee, sorry if this is too invasive but are you a boy or are you under the trans umbrella?”, he replied “idk i may be under the umbrella when it rains too hard haha”.

caleb: has instagram, twitter and tiktok. very active on social media and has a large following. he posts motivational gym videos and gets a lot of ‘sigma alpha males’ in his comments, which he deletes and blocks. he likes a lot of cute animal videos, especially cat ones. his most viral video is him with his four kittens and their baby mama.

ripper: has instagram and twitter. used to have reddit but deleted it after getting together with axel. he used to have a large following of mysoginistic boys but he’s deleted his accounts and created new ones to start fresh and try to he more mindful of what he posts. you could say axel has helped his mindset in a lot of ways.

axel: has instagram and twitter. posts pictures of her cats or of her and ripper. she follows some of the previous contestants, including duncan, leshawna, gwen, brick, jo, shawn and jasmine. also posts workout videos and has a lot of incels but also thirsty girls in her comments. people often harrass her or ripper upon finding out they are together because “he doesn’t deserve her” or “she can do better”.

chase: has youtube, instagram, twitter and reddit. fucking insufferable. follows every previous total drama contestant. obnoxious content. lots of hate. videos are made on him and they are not good. hope he dies.

emma: doesn’t have social media; took a break from it and deleted all her accounts after chase’s incel following found her and harrassed her because she left him.

priya: doesn’t have social media. she just watches training videos on youtube.

millie: doesn’t have social media because “it greatly affects her generation” and she is “better than that”.

damien: doesn’t have social media and is chronically offline. nichelle once asked him what he thinks about some tiktok drama and he asked, genuinely confused, what tiktok is. begs people at school to tell him what ‘rizz’, ‘sigma’ and all other slang means, rarely gets an answer and, when he does, it just confuses him more.

scary girl: doesn’t have social media accounts. she uses socials to stalk people, though. if anyone challenges her she appears in their nightmares that night. chase has made a video on her being some demon. even his haters agreed with him.

wayne: has instagram. posts pictures and videos about hockey or including him and his friends. his pfp is him and raj at one of their games. he replies to almost every fan that has found his account.

raj: has instagram. his private account deeply saddens and annoys his fans. he posts the same things wayne posts and puts a lot of pride stuff on his story.

[td-kin-confessions]

Im literally gwen irl and i do not like trent or cody but at least cody didnt vague me on twitter to his audience of 2000 followers by calling me pathetic and toxic because i broke up with him for acting fucking weird 🤨 like idc he has ocd i have ocd too, but you never hear me saying i kissed duncan because of compulsions or some shit. i kissed him because i suck. Is that so hard to admit guitar boy? yeah cody is an incel who has the reddit app on his home page but man at least hes funny to smoke with because he gets paranoid and starts crying in the bath tub. and personally idgaf about courtney, lesbian situationships are always like that, some weird stuff happens over one summer and we never speak again. we literally talked for like 2 weeks after total drama all stars and then never again... it took a while to get over but whatever, i still hang out with leshawna, i like bridgettes instagram posts but shes always traveling in style and half of her content is intolerable lifestyle vlogging. honestly. heather has like 2 mil subs on youtube too so i think theyre secretly competing. Honestly at this point sierra is the only person i respect, she has 42 followers on tumblr and 130 on deviantart and shes still more famous than both of them. she doesnt even make a big deal of it outside of when she tried to sue cody for mental damages but he tried and failed to fake his death and went to prison for blowing up that party yacht. There were 14 casualities. I think that made him face reality though so its fine. Hes a lot quieter these days. Alejandro and i are getting married in august.

Honestly so not cool of Trent to do that. Bringing up stuff in the past like that. And I'm not surprised about Cody. Both the reddit app and the yacht thing. Sierra should've gone through with the suing even after Cody did all of that. Sorry about the situationship with Courtney, but hey! You're getting married to Alejandro! That must be sooooo exciting! Tell me more about it when it actually happens. Also cool that you still talk to Leshawana. You seem like you have a very interesting life

[peninkwrites]

trick or treat ^-^

Hello Cyrus Crimebeach nee Aliveburs!! Sorry I do not have any crimeboys dancing on the beach content for you, but here is some crimeboys nonetheless!

Here's a lil fun fact that I threw in the discord back in the day idk if you know Anything about the mafia au or this one reddit post but. crimeboys silly.

(here's the OG post)

That annoying child saved my life >be depressed, suicidal, cigarette addicted incel >one day I go to stay at my friend Niki’s place >she has a little brother. Never seen anything like it before >she tells me the annoying kid that robbed me the other night is a good kid who hangs around a lot >I rope him into my schemes of elaborately trying to die via enemy gunfire >the kid almost gets blown up by a car bomb >realize that I almost killed him with my apathy >realize I need to take responsibility for once in my life >quit cigarettes to support my little brother spending >start putting an effort into job hunting so I can get a good job for my little brother >relationship with Niki improves since I’m at least showing up for someone even if I failed her >become a better person who wants to live even if right now it's just for someone else

So here's the funny bits from the mafia au lmao i hope you can appreciate the vibes even without context <3 called this chapter in my notes "hehehe shrimp time :)" for months.

[gaykarstaagforever]

I missed the fine details of the Linus Tech Tips implosion back when it happened, because I was starting a new job and dealing with workplace bullshit of my own (fortunately nothing quite so serious as what happened here).

But I'm nothing if not a little slut for other people's drama, so I watched Austin Green's 2 hour discussion of the LTT car going off a cliff.

Being 40 and not interested in Call of Duty, I am no longer always shopping for new overpriced hardware and so was never a huge Linus fan. Some of the little side channels were interesting enough background noise. Filled with bad data and lazy tests, apparently.

Like, you had one job, dude. And it wasn't to turn into a daily content farm with an accuracy rate rivaling what you would have gotten if you'd just had AI do it. You chucklehead.

I don't mean to be trite. This guy is a man-baby piece-of-shit, and ruined how many people's lives and livelihoods because he thought he was Steve Jobs or something? And Steve Jobs was also a huge asshole with emotional problems who treated people like necessary evils. But at least the company he worked for had a barebones functional corporate structure to smooth over all the internal fallout from his shenanigans.

It isn't like Linus didn't have the money to pay qualified people to handle his chaos. If he wanted to personally step back and do his dumb podcast - which he obviously did, or he wouldn't have hired 120 people to churn out bad videos in the first place - why didn't he turn management over to people who could just quietly run things for him? Instead he let whatever managers he had seemingly hired from the darkest recesses of Twitter yell at and grope whomever they wanted, so then he had to personally whine and threaten people to deal with the consequences.

Like...that's MORE work, not less, you weiner. And it immediately puts all your brand deals and corporate relationships in trouble, because real companies run by grown-ups aren't going to want to be associated with you and your egg carton of incel turds. I don't understand the math. Except that he just didn't give a single fuck so long as someone was handing him money, and he never figured it out beyond that.

Which is believable. I mean, who is he? Just some YouTuber who got big. That doesn't immediately qualify you to be good at anything besides whatever batch of skills that is. But that's why so many people in his position hire qualified corporate people to run their businesses, or at least agents and PR people and lawyers to deal with the boring day-to-day slog of contracts and paying bills and making sure people show up to work and stuff.

He didn't do that. He never learned that? He's out of Vancouver, and he didn't know he could do this any better?

Or is he just so greedy that any dollar spent on something not immediately generating 2 dollars wasn't appealing to him? That's such bad business. Like, his entire brand and career was always doomed the moment all the behind-the-scenes shit he refused to be a man about inevitably went public. And that is exactly what happened.

Businesses are inherently evil and exploitative. Sure. But they also pay all those people and have all those rules because they NEED TO. To follow the law, to not get sued, to stay solvent. How did a 35+ year old man, presumably with a mortgage and family, not ever learn this? I'm not much older than him, I don't even have a YouTube channel, and I knew this. Come on, dude.

...Also, LTT OnlyFans? Where you allegedly made at least one female employee flirt with guys sending her cock pics?? What kind of exploding clown car shit is that?? Where in Steve Jobs's biography did he sell iPhones by making his PA do topless conference calls? That sounds like something I would sarcastically suggest a failing company try. And I'm an idiot who has to remind myself that wrestling isn't real at least 4 times a week.

I hope Linus and the other Reddit trolls he hired go to jail or at least get fined for all the obviously illegal things they did. And Lord give the rest of us the strength to cancel them for all the other nonsense they pulled that didn't actually break Canadian law.

And if you still need product reviews to help you shop for graphics cards, watch Gamers Nexus, the guys who stood up to call LTT out in an unimpeachable way, back when they got nothing but flack for it. I can't vouch for their accuracy, but they at least seem to care about more than just pimping the Algorithm for money they can then ill-advisedly invest in doomed little tech startups no one cares about. Another thing Linus does.

Say what you will about Jimmy Donaldson, but at least he just rebranded crappy chocolate bars. Which was also a confusing and stupid thing to do, but at least no one got groped. Allegedly. That we know of. Yet.

...People may have gotten injured during his Squid Game thing. I can't remember the details. And I can't google MrBeast facts without YouTube peeing the very worst content all over my recommendations for the next month.

I think we can all just agree that Google deciding to do revenue sharing with content creators was probably one of the worst decisions they ever made; that we, as a global society, have ever made. These are the people who after 20+ years still haven't come up with a user-friendly interface for Gmail, and we put them in charge of Earth's television?

Linus is terrible, and we made him into what he is today. It would be great if we could all learn from this sort of thing.

We won't, but wouldn't it be great?

[toxicrants]

I literally glanced at the anti-natalism subreddit because I'm a single, child free woman turning 30 and reddit obviously has my number, but jesus christ, these people really type out full essays on how every suffering in your child's life is your fault and you'll have to live with yourself knowing all their failed marriages and bankruptcy are all your fault because you had the selfishness to want to procreate... I've never seen such neurotic dribble. They even said 'every skinned knee'.

Also, not to mention all the obvious incels who refer to women as breeders and think pregnancy is women 'being stupid bitches self-harming'. Hide yourself behind as much 'I don't want anymore children to suffer' bullshit as you want, but when the majority of your comments are about slagging off women, calling us stupid, calling us whores, calling us 'breeders' and insisting maternity leave and childcare shouldn't be a thing because it 'encourages women to be lazy whores who get fucked and paid' then you're just another incel sub by a different name.

[patriciavetinari]

I think I definitey feel ashamed and embarassed for trying. It 100% might be my issue of perception but modern society seems to be signalling that you are either girlbossing being single, 'need no man', having flings or one night stands or genuinely nothing at all, or you are going out there and finding yourself a relationship after a relationship until you hit the right one, moving towards marriage or partnership (or polycule I guess). I feel like both of those positions are more or less respected (again, in the bubble where I am, and I realize poly people fet their share of shit).

But I feel like the position where a woman wants to be in a relationship but struggles with trust, flirting, social queues, outgoingness, bidy image etc etc, when she tries and tries but cannot find any meaningful connections, and cannot even get a one night stand – that is called pathetic and ridiculed still. There is no compassion, no admittance how hard this might be.

'If I was on tinder for a year and never went on an actual date - you couldn't waterboard this out me haha how disgusting and unappealing you have to be'. Yes it's said about a man posting his frustrations on reddit but my situation is not exactly much different and I feel the shame seeping into me.

If you 'can't pull bitches', if you can't get people into your bed, if you can't just go seduce whomever you want, including wrecking homea, if you can't bring yourself to have a one night stand out of fear your body will be violated with insults or fetishization at the very least, if you go to speed dayes and get a reply that no-one chose you, if you have 5 dating apps and 0 dates – people will blame you, people will ridicule you.

Because it's 2024, you're not supposed to need a man for anything orher than sex and money, you're not supposed to have body image issues, you're not supposed to struggle with this. You're either conventional and have conventional love life, or you are a freak with a circle of freaks having amazing sex and romance – either way it's supposed to be effortless.

It's shameful to be a woman longing for a man and not being successful and femme-fatal-ing yourself one. There's so much shame in wanting to and being terrified of meeting strangers, in trying to be vulnerable in a world especially where fat bodies are trampled on wothout any public scrutiny.

Then I find again that article going 'I'm a fat woman and can get any man I want' which has not a single kind word for those who never get approached and only get turned down when they approach someone. It's shameful to be a loser without charisma, it's still 100% shameful to be 'virgin'.

The support posts always go like 'it's ok to be a slut and it's ok to be a virgin - do whatever you like with your body, power to you, your body your rules' and it's not incorrect but the moment you bring up wanting to be a slut but not experiencing any luck – there's nothing more pathetic than that. If you're trying and failing – you're a loser. You're an incel. You must be gross and disrespectful to people you are trying to get with.

People get visibly annoyed when I tell them that dating apps are not working out for me. I'd like to feel respected at least on a basic level and genuinely wanted even for a one night stand and it just doesn't happen, people either don't bother to make an effort, or they are just not on the same page when I try to make the first move (I'm not blaming them for that btw).

Even here and now I feel that post 'haha two years on tinder and no dates', I see my potential readers snarling at my admission of not being able to find someone to have sex with for 10 years. When I admit that to someone I believe to be my friend they don't show empathy or compassion or understanding how can that be.

Because for the majority of people I have trusted with this – it cannot be. Not in the age of tinder. They tell me I must go on tinder and get myself laid and when I tell them I tried and I couldn't, they tel me I didn't try hard enough. My standards of wanting an ounce of confidence that the person won't be disgusted by my stretch marks or rolls and body hair are too high apparently.

You're shamed more for wanting something and failing to get it than for not wanting it at all or getting a shitty version of it. They kee telling me how bad is it to want to be in a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship - but that's the thing, if that was my issue, I would move from one abuser to another. I am not. I am looking for respect, admiration and effort to be with me because I'm me. This is not for the sake of a relationship. This is longing dor a connection and not finding any.

And yeah, it is shameful not to be able to pull bitches. You're supposed to git gud or not complain. I am ashamed. For wanting it, for not being happy alone, for not being able to being myself to sleep with someone who can't hold a decent conversation. I am ashamed for wantinf it and not being able to get exactly what I want every time I want it. I am fully aware of being a pathetic loser and all of the jokes about not being able to get pussy or other genitals are very funny.

[jaythelay]

Funny situation.

Pizzacakecomics makes comics on r/comics and other places. She made a couple comics about what women go through, primarily she's a humourous artists, her most recent one incited alot of rage, but to me? It was actually well made.

See, the comic is essentially a boiled down reality of what women go through in their life. From childhood to adulthood, the sexual harrassment women go through and why women have a stereotype of being offended or overreacting to men asking them out. With the last 2 panels being a point of contention, in which some shy dude tries to ask her out and she goes off on him. This causes the dude to go online and rant about women. Bare in mind, the first panel is a child being sexually harrassed by an adult in a car. That's where we started and Incels ignore the first 2 panels.

Entirely because of projection.

See, those panels to me just made sense? Probably because I've seen women in real life Idunno, but imagine throughout your life ya got grown men wanting to rape you, like the average story by women is they stop getting hit on as much when they aren't 14-16 or some disgusting shit. Random dudes just constantly demanding you to be an object of their desire, no humanity.

Imagine catcalling your bros but uncomfortably and poorly and for years and decades even when everyone tells you to stop. Yeah women don't like that either. That is a bad thing. But again, incels ignored the first two panels, gotta add it.

That just follows them into their daily life to the point when anyone comes up and Yet Again you're being demanded time of, seen for your physical form and not an ounce of care for your actual self. You're still just seen as an object of desire, again, again again, again.

See, the last guy failed primarily because he's indistinguishable and tiring. Did he do anything wrong? Meh. That ain't the issue, but say he was, coming up and proposing to someone you aren't even friends with is...indistinguishable from average harrassment, not that it is harrassment, that, after So Long and So Much, you're gonna tunnel vision completely out of safety, that even non-harrassing stuff just feels like more average annoyances with great risks.

Really I dunno what to tell dudes who haven't grown up harrassed damn near everyday. The "solution" men have for their problems is to "just be a man" and when women can't also cognitively dissonate, that's on them, because we do it out of social pressure and thus we are the only victims!!1!!111!1! Like my god man anytime a woman complains here comes the incels to downplay women's issues and uplay their own. Incels make it Very Obvious we need to focus on women's rights before men. If they refuse to engage with women then their criticisms are worthless, besides quite literally all of their problems modern feminism wants to resolve, they just prefer pretending extremist viewpoints are the only viewpoints (That's why they're incels folks!)

Even then though, it's clear that the intention of the comic was nothing incels wanted it to be. Especially that one dude's "comic" in response to it, which was just...a sad, sad sight to behold from a long time liar.

As for Pizzacake, I think the problem of Reddit and content farming just puts her into this bucket of "Yeah you're trying but you're kinda phoning it in" What bothers me is I bet she could make some interesting works but seems tied down to these miniature comics with big points she can't completely address. I Really Like the latest comic because it was So Damn Obvious but Very Well Elaborated. Incels see that last panel and instead of the smallest of realizations, a shred of relatability, any interest in discovering situations they'll never be in or hear of in their daily lives, they went for the throat, pathetically missed, and are further mocked by those in the know.

I want a long form comic in the same veign. Because there's an alternative perspective that can be added onto the previous comic. From many perspectives, it can continue and be established. You get the perspective of the MC, and then you swap to the other's perspective, genuinely the message is so clear I can't find fault anywhere for someone to miss the point, but god I love 2 perspective comics like this one.

[thefunkes]

dec 12 2023

The feeling is back. 

Maybe Brian Wilson said it best in "I Just Wasn't Made for These Times." Or maybe Bo Burnham did with "That Funny Feeling." Or maybe Robin Peckinold was getting at the same thing in “Helpless Blues.” 

I’ve never been original, always latching onto somebody else’s ideas. But if I could describe this feeling at all, It's that prickly feeling I get all over telling my body to Do Something. It's the bile creeping up in my throat signaling my body to vomit. When I lie down, I feel it pulse through my legs in waves. My heart is pushing into the back of my chest. I think it’s been with me since high school, but maybe it was just always there undetectable to little me who was focused on community building in Animal Crossing. The pain speaks more than the incoherent thoughts colliding into each other in my brain. All I feel is the wave from my skull to my toes. 

The feeling chooses when to come. It’s like the feeling wakes up and decides it needs to keep busy. We all do. Who am I to shit on someone else’s purpose? It’s not like I have one at the top of mind. With the feeling comes dread and a sense that my time is up. When I find myself in this state, I go limp. My body is in physical pain and I don’t fight back, I give in so easily, drooping like underarms. I have told no one about this pain. Becca JH wrote, “Pain eliminates language. At its most extreme, it results in an animalistic scream, an expression of utter unintelligibility.” 

I think this feeling first entered my body in high school, like a possession. But I saw The Exorcist when I was in high school and it didn’t scare me much. To combat this feeling I’ve done everything from drink, smoke cigarettes, suffocate my ears with music, go for walks, yoga, get a degree, stop eating, and flirt with guys at parties who I will never see again, amongst others. But it has no escape, it throbs every now and then to remind me, that it’s still there. Every time it shows itself, I swat at it like a mosquito, but the desire for blood is strong—it wants to kill its host.

"I don't think you know what you wanna do with your life."

In ContraPoints’ video “Incels,” Wynn coins the term masochistic epistemology: whatever hurts is true. This is to say that as a form of self-harm, people will seek out disparaging comments about themselves or people whom they identify with online to reaffirm their own ideas that they have of themselves in their head. To those who live inside my head, they’ll know I’ve been known to do this from time to time. I used to have a screenshot saved of a Reddit thread where a man posts, worried that he is stupid as he fails to complete everyday simple tasks. I didn’t care to screenshot the replies. I don’t need comfort, I wanted to reaffirm that yes, there are people who are incompetent and deserving of very little. Not of course, that I would say that about that man. To him, I would say that he is loved by his friends and family and to move towards the light in his life. I don’t go on these online adventures anymore. Because once you’re an adult with a degree people you won’t have to seek out cutting comments about yourself through a stranger, sometimes somebody will look at you square in your deer-in-the-headlights dumbass face and say your worst fear about yourself to you.

"I don't think you know what you wanna do with your life."

The other night I was at a party with people all older than me whether it be by a few months or almost a decade. Everybody seemed so eager, so willing. Our bodies were close together, I could feel the legs of another man touching mine. My heart fluttered. I forget. I drink. I forget. I remember, then say something I shouldn’t have. I forget. Then I wake up at 3 AM.

"I don't think you know what you wanna do with your life."

[fairie-punk]

your guess is wrong, but you never really had a chance at guessing who i am, so in the sake of fairness, i’m going to tell you.

you’re right, in a way. i’m Annabelle. i’m also Ash. i’m God, and i’m the devil, and i’m also the device you’re reading this on. i’m everyone and everything that is, ever has been, and ever will be. i’ve witnessed gods die, i’ve seen species whose bones humanity will never discover go extinct. i am undying yet unliving, constantly in a state of everything yet nothing. everything either has evolved into me, or will evolve into me. i am Crab Guy.

however, the universe must balance itself. it needed a counter for my free-spiritedness, my mischievous tendencies, and thus Crabagement was created. it’s the antithesis of everything i am, a no-nonsense beauracrabcy designed to keep me from staying in one place too long, being happy for longer than the universe deems i should be.

and i got lucky. i could’ve turned out like my brothers Trilobite Guy and Lobster Guy, one the patron of an extinct species, and the other… well you know what lobsters are like. one day a God (the Christian one of course) showed up that pushed us too far, upset the delicate balance of the universe. did you know that crabs used to be able to grow up to 20 feet? that all ended when this god decided to create a monstrous beast in our image, a distorted perversion of my beautiful claws and angular face. he called these creatures “humans”. 

they started killing crabs for food and to seek shelter in their shells, but it slowly turned into a cruel game, inspired by humans’ constant need to prove their superiority. Lobster Guy, Trilobite Guy, and i approached God and pleaded with him to fix the Mary Sues that are human beings. however, he didn’t listen, and instead smote us. he killed the rest of the giant crabs, all of the trilobites, and all of the shark-lobsters, wolf-lobsters, and space lobsters, and thus we retreated back to our holes.

we lived in silence until the advent of the internet, when Tumblr was created. i found out about it first, and introducted the rest to it. it was fun for a time, but all good things must come to an end, and i noticed Trilobite Guy and Lobster Guy reblogging less and less once Tumblr banned porn. eventually we drifted apart, Trilobite Guy having nothing to do for centuries and eventually giving in to his social media addiction and becoming a reddit mod, and Lobster Guy becoming a discord mod of his own free will. of them, i’m the only one still using Tumblr, other than the occasional argument with Trilobite Guy. i got bored and influenced the developers to add a variety of crab-related features, and i drift through the digital cosmos, gifting people crabs partially out of my own volition and partially due to the orders of Crabagement.

and then suddenly i meet you. you’re… different. you’re not me, you were never me, and you never will be me. you’re special. after millenia surrounded by crabs, i finally met someone who isn’t a crab.

unfortunately, this too did not last, as Crabagement noticed my growing attachment and tried to isolate me from you, putting me in The Bucket and replacing me with Lobster Guy, who formed an allegiance with Crabagement through various incel subreddits. they have been trying to pull me away from you ever since, and i feel my grip slipping.

as it’s the only question i’ve left unanswered, i’d assume you’re wondering why i asked you for my motive. truth be told, i don’t know what my motive is. i don’t even know if i have one. i feel alone, adrift in a sea of emptiness and crabs, and i was hoping that you, the one person who is free of my curse, could answer that question for me. if i had to tell you why i did what i did, i’d say hope. i hoped that maybe if i gave you enough crabs you’d love me and give me a purpose other than being used as Crabagement’s puppet.

unfortunately, despite my best efforts, my plan has failed. they’re finally pulling me away from you for good. i’m going to miss you, Not-Crab Guy. maybe one day we will meet in the halls of Crabhalla, but until then, goodbye. i will never forget you.

-Crab Guy 

Goodbye my dear Crab Guy

[bumpscosity]

Here’s the blank background bc I rly like it:

And here’s some more insight to my choices:

In addition to the challenges I listed above I also tried my best to cast everyone as actors who were the same race as the character which I had some trouble with in some cases Geeta but it was really fun to go down voice actor rabbit holes looking for people who fit the bill :O another thing I was keen on was not looking for EXACT character matches, but looking for SUPER close voices who had VAs that I think would be perfect fits. Also tried not to cast everyone based on performances from one piece of media (no shade to ppl who’s entire voice claims lists are just ppl from danganrompa or whatever I just wanted to challenge myself) but I kinda failed step 1 bc I have so many ppl who were in avatar LMAO

Arven - I spent DAYS trying to find someone who worked for him and in the end I’d say this is maybe 90% correct, I think his voice is a little deeper but tbh I think Taylor Gray could do it.

Nemona - i havent seen anything with Aimee Carrero in it in literal YEARS but the SECOND I saw nemona in game my first thought was adora’s voice, I always try to avoid type-casting but in this case it isn’t just “the characters have similar personalities” the voice truly fits imo.

Penny - i feel like everyone else thinks Penny’s voice is WAY higher pitched than I think it is, Like yeah voices like dendy from okko’s work on a little frog girl but Penny’s like. 16. I think she’s a lot more monotone and sarcastic than people give her credit for. Bex Taylor-Klaus (Pidge from Voltron) was also in the running but I think Rae Gray fits just a tad better.

Clavell - when looking for Clavell’s voice I realized there aren’t NEARLY enough weird old guys in media where are they. Pretty happy with my choice, I think he could pull off his weirdness (I haven’t decided if it would be funnier if Clive has some weird horrible fake accent or if he just sounds exactly like Clavell so take your pick on that one)

Sada - I played violet so I was a little nervous casting for a character I know literally nothing about but I DO know she’s a hot lady and you know who else is a hot lady? Kya tlok.

Turo - Reddit Incel who’s voice claim is The Tumblr Sexyman was too funny for me to pass up, one of the most unrealistic claim here for sure but I don’t care that’s what he sounds like to me <3

Dendra - i don’t even remember the rabbit hole I went down to find cass from tangled, I’ve literally never watched the show but the second I heard her voice I was like “THERES DENDRA WAHOO”. While looking for dendra voice claim I found Eri’s too so that was fun :O

Hassel - all I knew going into this voice search was that he needed to sound like he could burst into dramatic tears at any moment and Sidon checked that box. I don’t really know why I feel like he has a german accent but it just works.

Jacq - he already has a canon voice, I couldn’t find his VA (I could only find the VA of the other character from the ad) but apparently others don’t like this voice, I think it’s perfect tho <3

Miriam - source: trust me Miriam’s my wife /j for reals I almost added that I think she has a light australian accent but in my head it’s so light it’s barely noticeable so I left it out.

Raifort - I STILL need to watch toh but I watched a lot of clips looking for voices for all these characters, I’m not really sure why I feel like Elizabeth Grullon’s voice fits but imo it fits like a glove.

Saguro - going back to Clavell’s notes WHERE ARE ALL THE WEIRD OLD MEN IN MEDIA??? Anyways I’ve seen exactly 2 episodes of jjba but after looking around for a voice for a while with no luck joseph popped into my head and I BOLTED to get voice examples bc he’s EXACTLY the voice I was picturing

Salvatore - I think I spent the most time out of everyone looking for his voice, I think it was about 3 days? (Granted I wasn’t spending every hour of every day looking for his voice but it was still a long time) I ended up going down a HUGE rabbit hole of media ive never heard of and people who I’ve never seen and ended up at Conrad Haynes. It goes to show that it’s worth it to put the time into searching bc his voice is near PERFECT (needs that feench accent tho…)

Tyme - originally I was gonna have tyme and ryme both voiced by Uzo Aduba until I found out that they weren’t twins??? I LOVE the movie meet the robinsons so originally Mildred from that film was gonna be my voice of choice, until I looked at what else she was in and realized Dorthea Williams was EVEN MORE perfect. Love you Amelia Bassett <3

Atticus - Atticus was a PAIN to cast bc I’m STILL not sure how old he is. Is he 16? Is he 56? Who knows. Eclair Cookie works but I’m only like 70% happy with it? I haven’t been able to find someone who fits better tho. Fun fact Zeno Robinson (Eclair’s VA) has already been in pokemon a TON of times so I broke my own rule a little here.

Eri - I feel like a lot of people think eri’s voice is WAY deeper than I think it is, I see a lot of grenda (gravity falls) voice claims going around and I just think that’s TOO deep. Like I said in the dendra portion I actually thought of Eva first for her before realizing her voice fit eri WAY better.

Giacomo - all i knew looking for a voice for him was that he had a new york or boston accent (if I could picture the voice saying “AYE IM WALKIN HERE” than i knew it wasn’t right /hj) so ofc my first thought was scout. This was one of my shortest searches for a voice for a character who I didn’t immediately have a solid idea for when reading their dialouge, it took like less than a half hour LMAO

Mela - hearing a specific voice in my head paid off for this one, it took me a while to figure out where the voice was from but once I figured out it was suki I had a category 5 eureka moment.

Ortega - I didn’t even have to read his dialogue to pinpoint his voice literally the second I saw him for the first time in a cutscene I KNEW he was gonna be Alexander James Rodriguez. fun fact this actually made me get around to watching lazy in space, pretty good show 8/10

Brassius - i sat there going down voice rabbit holes looking for his voice and then randomly the Shamboozle clip came up in my YouTube recommended and it’s like Brassius’s design was made around mega knight voice.

Grusha - before anyone gets on me I KNOW grusha is a guy and Avi Roque is nb but when I was listening to toh clips to find other characters voices Raine’s stuck out to me as EXACTLY how grusha sounds in my head (minus the russian accent). I think grusha can be little a nb. as a treat.

Iono - I really thought when I went looking for sv voice claims that tiny tina iono would be like. The norm. It apparently isn’t and I’m an outlier here but tina SOUNDS like she has sharp teeth Ashly Burch could make iono everyone’s fav in the anime

Katy - after I cast her (which was a funny casting because I’ve never seen fim I just stumbled upon her because the only character with a southern accent I could think of was applejack so I assumed her family probably had it too LMAO) I went and looked at other casting and I’ve seen her katy voice claims of like. 4 different mlp characters why did we all decide she’s a pony

Larry - THE ENTIRE REASON I DID THIS. Why do you all think he sounds like some sexy emo anime twink???? Before I even knew he was a GYM LEADER and he was just sitting there at the bar I pictured him sounding like the pixies. That spiraled me into thinking “If that’s uncommon than will people get how I think the rest of them sound without examples??” So I did This. Seriously where are you guys getting emo boy from he’s like 50 LMAO

Kofu - my immediate thought seeing him for the first time was mr krabs. It never changed the entire time I played. Looked around and it turns out most ppl don’t even think he has a pirate voice. vaultin veluza.

Ryme - I’m still not sure why Udo Aduba was my first thought but it’s not changing any time soon she has such RANGE she could def pull off Rymes intensity.

Tulip - tulips voice was so specific in my head only to realize it was bc i heard the voice thru my entire childhood. Cleo and tulip are both the “posh popular girl who I think is really annoying and unlikable even tho the entire rest of the fanbase likes them” type of people so this is very much a type cast but also I think her voice fits UNGODLY well.

Geeta - Geeta was a PAIN to cast bc I essentially ran out of voice rabbit holes to go down. I think Jen Cohn is pretty accurate though, authoritative but not angry yknow.

Poppy - another near instant casting the second I saw her. I grew up with tawog so I think little girl who’s incredibly smart for being like 4 and I think anais.

Rika - a VERY tough casting to wrap things up, I can usually pinpoint a voice that I know that’s a little close to how I think they sound but for Rika I had nothing, I know Wendy (gravity falls) is a popular take but it was a Close But No Cigar situation. I still need to watch chainsaw man but i heard this character and saw their intro scene and was like. Yeah that’s about right.

my pokemon sv voice claims!

Challenged myself to only cast ppl who have done voice work before and to mostly cast ppl who haven’t been in Pokémon before and for the most part they’re SUPER close to how they sound in my head

[kazuwhora]

its so funny watching ppl on reddit get pissed off that the bajifuyu spinoff is too fanfiction-y and too shojo-y

[olderthannetfic]

I’ve been lurking here for a while now and I just gotta say this. There’s this constant undercurrent argument about lgbtq/cis harassment. LGBTQ anons and commenters describing how they’re harassed for their lgbtq headcanons, and cis anons and commenters describing how they’re harassed for their cis headcanons and it often seems neither side fully accepts the reality of the other.

Let me start by saying that historically, of course it is the lgbtq side that has had it much worse in terms of suppression and harassment. There’s no question about that and anyone denying that is dreaming.

The thing is, in this current climate, no one has it better. Both sides are right and both sides are wrong. It all depends where you choose to share your headcanons and content. On Reddit for example, lgbtq headcanons and fan content will get a lot of abuse, on Tumblr, cis headcanons and content gets harassment and let’s not pretend otherwise. Both sides face unwanted interactions and bullying and saying that getting shit for cis headcanons and content doesn’t matter because historically they’ve had it too good…excuse me, but two wrongs don’t make a right.

The ones harassing lgbtq members of fandom are toxic, conservative and incel types. The ones harassing cis members are the militant, vocal minority of the lgbtq community. Let’s not pretend that the average teenage girl/boy who just wants to doodle their favourite ship after school is the one hurling abuse. It’s coming from people with extreme views and they’re present on both sides.

The problem comes from two things. Firstly, where you post about your headcanons. I post m/f fan content and on some platforms it’s very well received, on others not so much. Secondly, there are many people who, either through plain ignorance or wilful stupidity, equate people not explicitly agreeing with their headcanons or content as a moral failing.

Antis do it. But proshippers do it too. I’ve seen plenty of subtle and not so subtle examples from anons and commenters here.

Let me be frank. Many cis people are not interested in lgbtq headcanons. They just aren’t. It is not their experience. They can’t relate to it. It isn't a sign of phobia or hate. Just like I’m sure many lgbtq people are not particularly interested cis/hetero headcanons. And let me very clear I am talking about HEADCANONS ONLY here. Personally, I’m not interested in seeing posts describing in detail why a character from X anime is gay/lesbian/bi/trans/pan/ace etc when it has never been officially confirmed. I am not interested in reading HEADCANONED m/m, f/f or other lgbtq fanfic or seeing that fanart. If you like that sort of thing, fantastic. You do you. I, personally, do not care about or spend time thinking about characters' sexualities beyond canon. Conor and Oliver from ‘How To Get Away With Murder’? Adorable. Soojong and Taehoon from ‘An Innocent Sin’? Compelling. Deku and Bakugo? Nope. Sherlock and Watson? No thanks. I’ll never see that as anything more than a wonderful friendship.

And the thing is, I’m sure there are people who will get really, really irrationally aggressive about me saying this. Who think that because I quietly have zero interest in and avoid lgbtq headcanons that that somehow makes me phobic or hateful towards the lgbtq community. And I have to say, what I enjoy in my fandom space has absolutely no bearing on what I do and how I treat people in real life, as hard as that is to believe for many active in fandom spaces. For some reason, it’s fiction is not the same as reality until you don’t engage with or produce fan content in the ‘right’ way.

Someone not interested in engaging with or supporting or even liking particular headcanons, no matter how popular they are, has nothing to say about their actual morals. Not being interested in and not hyping up this or that headcanon and instead producing content that's the opposite of a popular headcanon is not the same as actively hating a real life group of people. And I’m surprised I have to say this but I do.

I will march with and stand with whatever group is being unfairly treated, whether it’s based on class, sex, race or other and campaign for social and political change FOR REAL PEOPLE because that’s what actually matters. Just because I mute and block the m/m tag in my fandom doesn’t make me homophobic or hateful. You know why I block it? Because m/m does absolutely nothing for me, but more importantly, I’m in love with one of the main characters and seeing him romantically involved with anyone, girl or guy, makes me upset. So I block all romantic and shippy tags related to the character. Sometimes it’s just like that. It has nothing to do with being against the lgbtq community but for very strange and personal reasons. Or very benign reasons. Maybe people just don’t want to deal with sexuality discourse in their fandom space because it’s where they come to relax and forget about all political and social stuff and just shitpost memes.

Your headcanons are your headcanons and no one will take them away from you. Both cis and lgbtq sides get shit for their content from a vocal, toxic minority on different platforms these days and everyone needs to remember the old ‘Don’t like, don’t read.’ The more we keep going on about who has it worse, the more divisive fandom spaces will become, even worse than they are now.

--

I loathe headcanon posts in general, though I like well-supported meta essays.

[cinnamonest]

All modern genshin boys use 4chan. Except Zhongli ofc

Zhongli uses Facebook and gets caps lock stuck on and can't figure out how to turn it off 😔

They do all use 4chan BUT ALSO you know what I have thoughts on this and I'm subjecting you all to them:

Childe and Venti use Instagram a lot. Venti attention whores on Instagram. All the time. Like posts a selfie with irrelevant comments vaguely implying he had a bad day or something is wrong, but when people ask what he's just like "no no it's nothing" and only finally tells once he has a sufficient amount of attention.

Childe overshares. He's the dude that feels the need to broadcast every moment of his life on insta. Like my dude no one cares. Also abuses Snapchat. So many black screen rants. Updates his story 5 times a day. And it's all whining about having no gf and thus his life is sad.

Xingqiu uses Twitter and he gets into Twitter discourse on a daily basis. Like. Literally the instant there's drama of any kind he's all over it even if it's in a community he has never interacted with before. Enjoys Twitter fights for the sake of it.

Chongyun also uses Twitter but it's the opposite, he's so nice. All he ever does is leave nice comments on people's art and selfies. Also 100% simps for some Twitter egirls. Whites knights for them too. Angel.

Bennett honestly sticks to the mindless entertainment that is TikTok, and has friends on discord. He keeps away from most socials. The last 3 times he joined a social media site someone hacked his accounts.

Diluc uses Reddit no I do not accept criticism. He trauma dumps unintentionally onto random threads. Like "oh yeah my dad liked that game before he died brutally" then continues on as if he didn't just dump that information all over the internet. Shares way too much personal information in general, if anyone he knows irl ever finds his account he's screwed bc you could easily pin it to him by how much information he doesn't hesitate to give out. Is subbed to the standard subs and many many gonewild subs. It cures his loneli™

Albedo also uses Reddit and is literally. The most obnoxious. Bastard. He's one of the pretentious redditors. Have you ever used reddit and left a single short comment with an opinion or idea, or maybe a statement that was not 100% right, and someone responds with a 5 point essay on why you're not only wrong but a complete ignorant buffoon? And it's not even on something important it's like "what brand of this is best" or some bullshit? That's him. Unironically pulls "to be fair you have to have a high IQ to understand Rick and Morty"

Xiao still uses Tumblr. He uses it a lot less now bc he was originally on it for porn. He makes the posts that are just "." But then vents in the tags but like, he makes those posts on an everyday basis when he's sad at 3 am then deletes them the next morning. He's also on 4chan a lot.

Scara uses 4chan the most. Active /pol/ user. Actively takes joy in being as much of an asshole as possible. Takes joy in the suffering of others bc it makes him feel better about his own life.

Xiao is the one posting the greentext stories with the > format, telling of his daily failings. Scara is the guy that leaves super negative comments and has absolutely nothing constructive to say. They have absolutely interacted on multiple occasions. Xiao laments about how he tried and failed to speak more than 2 words to this cute cashier that works at the place he goes to every day (complete with depressed wojak for thread image) and of course Scara is there to be like "ahaha you fucking pussy" when he's literally just as much of an incel shut-in as he is

There's also some dude on the same incel-y threads as them. Lamenting that he's not like the rest of you losers, no he's pretty and tall, but something about his personality drives the foids away?? Why must he suffer so. He shouldn't even be here he says, he's not the type of loser that uses 4chan, but he overshares and regrets it whenever he goes on anything else, blah blah. Scara and Xiao both kinda bully the poor bastard bc how dare he be tall. Anyway, yes Kaeya is a 4chan user

[odium-amare]

The Origin of Elves and Human Relationships in the High Fantasy Genre: The Elfin Knight and Scarborough Fair

The mental gymnastics male Tolkien fans go through to justify why there were only Female Elves x Human Men marriages in Tolkien’s work on reddit or other Tolkien platforms never fail to amuse and amaze me.

The general argument for why there were so many female elves and human men couples in The Silmarillion and Lord of the Rings and not the other way around was because Tolkien focused on old Celtic Mythology where the supernatural partner was often a woman (faery queen, female elf, female dryad, female fae, etc.) 

Second justification was because the human men in Tolkien had more of a “higher purpose” than human women (who were stuck at home doing “women’s chores” and did not need to go out on adventures to meet elves and fight battles.

Third argument was that female elves like rugged men and male elves also like beauty therefore both males of both species would go after elven women and not care for human women who eventually age and would grow “ugly.”

The second argument derived from ignorance and misogyny in male infested writing so it’s not a proper or real argument. With proper research into Celtic folklore that was written since around the 1400s-1600s and looking at the old Celtic/Scottish ballads and Nordic Mythology that influenced Tolkien’s writing, human women did play many vital roles and had A LOT of encounters (romantic or otherwise) with non-human men - Not just human men and supernatural women. If Tolkien wanted, there were a lot of stories with elven men (or fae) with human women he could have EASILY incorporated into his universe and made FANTASTIC stories out of them. 

The third argument was once again not a proper argument or reasoning. It was simply incel logic (or lack thereof) which I would not bother addressing

Frankly, the reason why there were more elven women and human men in Tolkien’s universe was because Tolkien was literally self inserting himself and his real life relationship with his wife (whom he saw as beautiful and a higher level than him) mirroring Beren/Luthien and Aragorn/Arwen’s power dynamics.  Tolkien was a guy and like most guys, fantasize the idea very hot, exotic women. Female elves were supposedly more exotic, magical and beautiful than human women. Naturally, he preferred to write average/plain men getting the hot chick than if the genders were to be reversed.  That’s it. There’s no deeper meaning to it. 

So let’s dive deep into Celtic Folklore/ballads, Nordic and German myths. 

The song “Scarborough Fair” was one of the most classic, timeless songs there was - did you know had another name and story of its own?

What’s funny is that people often used this song for a lot of LOTR and Fantasy music videos.

Its other name was called “The Elfin Knight.” 

This ballad had been collected around parts of England, Scotland, Canada and America.  Its oldest version was found in circa (1600-1650.)

An elven man threatened to carry off a young, mortal woman unless she could perform specific tasks for him:

There stands three trumpeters on yon hill Blaw, blaw, blaw winds, blaw Blaw their trumpets sae loud and shrill And the wind blaws aye my plaid awa'Gin I'd his trumpet in my kist Blaw, blaw, blaw winds, blaw And were in the lad's arms that I like best And the wind blaws aye my plaid awa'Gin ye would be wed wi' me Blaw, blaw, blaw winds, blaw There's ae thing ye maun dae for me And the wind blaws aye my plaid awa'I maun hae a fine linen sark Blaw, blaw, blaw winds, blaw Without a stitch o' needlewark And the wind blaws aye my plaid awa'Ye maun wash it in yon draw-well Blaw, blaw, blaw winds, blaw Where water never sprang nor fell And the wind blaws aye my plaid awa'Ye maun drt't on yon hawthorn Blaw, blaw, blaw winds, blaw That hasna seen blossom since man…

There were many versions of this song and in some versions, it’s the elf who designated impossible tasks for a human woman if she wanted to marry him. She in turn would also reply that he must complete impossible tasks himself if he wanted to marry her.

Scarborough Fair had been officially said that it was the same song as The Elfin Knight but with a different name. This song could be interpreted more romantically and melancholically about lost/unrequited love.

In other versions, by the end of the song, the elf said he could not marry her because he had a wife and 7 sons.

Ballads related or connected to The Elfin Knight/Scarborough Fair were the famous tales such as Tam Lin, Lady Isabel and the Elf Knight and believe it or not, Beauty and the Beast.

Beauty and the Beast (the fairytale) was literally influenced by The Elfin Knight and Tam Lin. 

On to some of Norse Mythology. 

Agnete and the Sea King is a sculpture you will see in Denmark. It’s a well known story in Scandinavian culture about a beautiful merman seducing a young, human girl pulling her down to sea to live with him as his queen. She bore him 7 sons before she ran back to the human world abandoning her merman husband and their 7 children.

Notice how in both the Elfin Knight and the Sea King folklore, 7 was always the number for children.  Who else had 7 sons? Fëanor.

7 had been the fairytale number for kids for a long time and in both folktales involved human women with non-human men. 

Even in the Tolkien universe, the FIRST elf x human relationship ever was Aegnor and Andreth (male elf and human woman.) Those two existed way before Beren/Luthien or Tuor/Idril did.

One of the most fascinating and meaningful discussions that took place in Tolkien’s verse was Finrod and Andreth debating on elves and men and their destinies (a historically significant elf and a significant human woman) that arguably was one of the contributors to Finrod helping Beren/Luthien’s missions. 

If you interpret Caranthir/Haleth romantically, that also took place way before any human man and female elf relationships did.