#redacted redacted i know i know i KNOW but i don’t want to feel insane anymore dude. whatever

[pepprs]

i do not want to get out of bed omfg. this week has been so fucking insane im exhausted but we have aprogram tonight until 7 and i have to facilitate and there are a million things to do today

[quiltedlovers]

unfortunately every memory comes on when i hear that old song that we used to sing with the words all wrong and i remember the faces and familiar places and i sing along but acadia is gone

[hellsite-proteins]

Could you do this perhaps:

*link below*

https://control.fandom.com/wiki/Hiss_incantation

It’s all there in italics.

But I’ll transcribe it below if the link isn’t working.

Here it be:

You are a worm through time.

The thunder song distorts you.

Happiness comes.

White pearls, but yellow and red in the eye.

Through a mirror, inverted is made right.

Leave your insides by the door.

Push the fingers through the surface into the wet.

You’ve always been the new you.

You want this to be true.

We stand around you while you dream.

You can almost hear our words but you forget.

This happens more and more now.

You gave us the permission in your regulations.

We wait in the stains.

The word that describes this is redacted.

Repeat the word.

The name of the sound.

It resonates in your house.

After the song, time for applause.

We build you till nothing remains.

The egg cracks and the truth will emerge out of you.

You are home.

You remind us of home.

You’ve taken your boss with your boss with you.

All hair must be eaten.

Under the conceptual reality behind this reality you must want these waves to drag you away.

After the song, time for applause.

This cliché is death out of time, breaking the first the second the third the fourth wall, the fifth wall, floor; no floor: you fall!

How do you say “insane”?

Hurts to be happy.

An earworm is a tune you can’t stop humming in a dream: “baby baby baby yeah”.

Just plastic.

So, safe and nothing to worry about.

Ha ha, funny.

The last egg breaks now.

The hole in your room is a hole in you.

You came and we let you in through the hole in you.

You have always been here, the only child.

A copy of a copy of a copy.

Orange peel.

The picture is you holding the picture.

When you hear this you will know you’re in new you.

You want to listen.

You want to dream.

You want to smile.

You want to hurt.

You don’t want to be

this is such a cool concept, and i really like nonsensical poems. this does feel weirdly soothing to me, but in a melancholic way?

letter sequence in this ask matching protein-coding amino acids:

YareawrmthrghtimeThethndersngdistrtsyHappinesscmesWhitepearlstyellwandredintheeyeThrghamirrrinvertedismaderightLeaveyrinsidesythedrPshthefingersthrghthesrfaceintthewetYvealwayseenthenewyYwantthistetreWestandarndywhileydreamYcanalmsthearrwrdstyfrgetThishappensmreandmrenwYgavesthepermissininyrreglatinsWewaitinthestainsThewrdthatdescriesthisisredactedRepeatthewrdThenamefthesndItresnatesinyrhseAfterthesgtimefrapplaseWeildytillnthingremainsTheeggcracksandthetrthwillemergetfyYarehmeYremindsfhmeYvetakenyrsswithyrsswithyAllhairmsteeatennderthecnceptalrealityehindthisrealityymstwantthesewavestdragyawayAfterthesngtimefrapplaseThisclicheisdeathtftimereakingthefirstthesecndthethirdthefrthwallthefifthwallflrnflryfallHwdysayinsaneHrtstehappyAnearwrmisatneycantstphmminginadreamayayayyeahstplasticSsafeandnthingtwrryatHahafnnyThelasteggreaksnwThehleinyrrmisahleinyYcameandweletyinthrghthehleinyYhavealwayseenherethenlychildAcpyfacpyfacpyrangepeelThepictreisyhldingthepictreWhenyhearthisywillknwyreinnewyYwanttlistenYwanttdreamYwanttsmileYwantthrtYdntwantte

protein guy analysis:

this is about as incoherent as the poem used to make it. which is to say, there are parts that form something logical – whether it be sentence fragments or pieces of secondary structure – but as a whole, the idea is not clear. this is a few pieces of order within a sea of disordered loops. and sure, loops do tend to be flexible and disordered, but they also don't tend to make up this much of a protein.

predicted protein structure:

[roomwithanopenfire]

Six Sentence Sunday

Thanks for the tags @monbons and @hushed-chorus, I love seeing what you're working on and I'm so excited to read the new chapter of Those Glowing, Magickal Years later today!!

I've actually done a little bit of writing today, added a scene to the eighth chapter of Proof of Life and did a teeny tiny bit of editing on that chapter (I'm rapidly catching up to myself I fear, a pause in posting is nigh 😭).

But good news! I only have one week left of school! It's finals week but I don't have too many tests and papers to work on and no classes to go to, so hopefully I can mix in a little writing into my day. And then after this week, I'm done with my first year of college—which still feels kind of insane to me.

I'm posting the newest chapter of Proof of Life (my Natasha Lives AU) tomorrow and this one is going to be good! You all will like it, I know. It was super hard to pick a snippet because less than halfway through the chapter [redacted] shows up and you guys aren't allowed to know about that yet, so enjoy some Penny and Simon dialogue.

Snippet and tags under the cut.

Penny considers this. “You really think Baz is hurt, don’t you? That it’s something serious.”

“Well, it’s either that or he’s plotting and, you know, innocent until proven guilty.”

Penny snorts at that. 

“What?”

“Nothing,” Penny shakes her head. “Just, that’s pretty funny coming from the boy who’s convinced Baz is a vampire when there’s no proof.”

“There’s plenty of proof,” I splutter. 

Penny holds up a hand. “Please, spare the monologue, I’ve heard all of this before”

“You’re the one who brought it up.” I cross my arms, feeling a bit like a petulant child.

Tags and Hellos:

@facewithoutheart @you-remind-me-of-the-babe @run-for-chamo-miles @raenestee @onepintobean

@artsyunderstudy @prettygoododds @noblecorgi @angelsfalling16 @thewholelemon

@shrekgogurt @brendughh @a-maisie-ng @hertragedyconnoisseur @beastmonstertitan

@valeffelees @horsesarenotdeer @drowninginships @supercutedinosaurs @fiend-for-culture

@rimeswithpurple @cutestkilla @alexalexinii @ileadacharmedlife @arthurkko

@rbkzz

Also I keep adding new people to this tag list and if you ever don't want to be tagged let me know 😭 tagging people will probably always make me a little nervous adlkfjadf

[sdvshanewife]

Gonna be honest and say that I don’t even think shane is rude he’s just not very nice. (Obviously all early on) first meeting he says the thing why are you talking to me I don’t know you. Which is a) true and b) not that bad he’s just like bruh who are you man. Okay woah not very friendly like most of the town but just how it is sometimes

And I feel like no one ever considers the actual situation afterwards. If you keep talking to him despite him very obviously wanting to be left alone and have somewhat made it clear the first time that’s on you?? He SAID leave him alone. The player isn’t respecting that and keeps talking to him. Obviously in stardew valley it all works out happy ending they get married yeah yeah everything’s okay but. In the real world if you keep bothering a guy who tells you to Leave Him Alone and he starts saying stuff like “what do you want” “go away” that is literally entirely on the person who doesn’t listen to him and you know, leave him alone?? It is so insane to me that people act like he’s the worst, acting like you said hi and he went “fuck you and your entire family I hope you die in a [redacted]”. Okay, I’ll agree that he’s not nice. But It is genuinely crazy to me that people agree that he’s apparently such a huge jerk. I think we’re all used to the town being really welcoming and warm and friendly so when he’s like that it’s unexpected and a bit of a shock, and I also understand being sensitive to stuff like this (no hate to that at all)

But I do not understand people who think others actually own them conversation just because…? and when someone doesn’t want to be bothered they are somehow lacking in personal morality. That is wild to me. Is it weird? Yeah maybe depends on where you’re from. Does it say something about who they are as a person? Probably not. At least less than they think.

I guess the fact that Stardew is expected to be a wholesome warm fuzzy game also plays into it. Like why are you like this it’s stinking up my cozy little game etc etc. And I get that but I don’t think it’s fair because Shane’s thing is not the only heavy topic in this game. Alex dealing with a parental loss and iirc also past abuse from his father!! Pam’s alcoholism and as a result putting Penny through so much bullshit and responsibility she shouldn’t have had to shoulder!! Kent is a former pow with ptsd!! And more that’s “milder” but still not all sunshines and rainbows. I know Stardew has the reputation of being cozy and warm and it’s true but that is mostly due to the players saying it themselves. There was no promise that there would not be heavier topics in the game at all. And it’s also handled well (not like uhh sudden horror twists or stuff) and is not otherwise very “out of place” so yeah it’s not fair to expect that from the game or him.

Um honestly by this point I’m not that mad anymore so

Live laugh shane our mantra yeah

the reason people make out shane to be ruder than he actually is is because they compare him to the other villagers that say hi and are friendly blah blah blah. it's also just expected for people to be friendly or atleast be "decent" (for a lack of a better word?) when you talk to them (or when they talk to you). when someone doesnt want to talk, theyre expected to not be so blunt and be like "oh sorry, i dont really wanna talk right now" and not be as direct as shane is.

i dont really agree with the "stardew valley is made out to be a cozy game". while i understand where you're coming from, most people don't mind the heavy topics, what they do care about is the way shane acts. ive never seen people complaining about penny's, alex's, or kent's stories which contain heavy topics. they're easier to sympathize with because the characters are nice.

LIVE LAUGH SHANE

[blossoms-phan]

you joke but I actually would not be surprised if Dan and Phil decided to make the 1st phloor a work/guest space and the 2nd (or third?) phloor a living space and actually neither of the bedrooms we've seen are theirs. I know that Dan has his closet in the black room, but how do we know those are clothes he actually wears and that he's not using that closet for extra storage?

interesting veryyyy interesting. i mean from what we know the gaming channel room and black bedroom are on that first floor with the floating tree staircase thing and sexy lit hallway/front door so I see what you’re saying. but also idk I feel like they’re not that meticulous, I think that room is definitely a main space at least Dan-wise. it has the bathroom with a big tub which I assume they use at least semi regularly so idk if that would just be a guest bathroom and the closet appears to have most of his clothes and shoes and stuff from what we’ve seen, it’s pretty damn big and I really don’t think he would have more stuff than can fit in that one space. plus the big wall of shelves has a bunch of personal items, the bed has the phondage bar… he’s described it as “my bed” and he can say all he wants about “back cushions” but the “for supporting headrests of course” tweet was too cheeky that is for redacted uses and would be kind of an insane choice for a guest bed

[theresattrpgforthat]

Any good stuff for psychic vigilantes fighting from the shadows? Apologies if this is too vague or if I’m asking wrong.

THEME: Psychic Vigilantes.

Oh boy oh boy I am excited about this ask!! Buckle up, this week's gonna be a good one!! I got some pulp action goodness, some horror, and some cyberpunk for you.

Psych-0 Team!, by John Pineapple.

A one-page TTRPG about psychic agents saving the world! Heavily inspired by the TTRPG "Lasers and Feelings”.

This is a game about being psychic secret agents, so it’s a very different feeling from being on the run from the law. However, I think it might be a good introduction to something a bit grittier, and could possibly be re-tooled to make you part of a secret vigilante organization as well! The game system is very lightweight, using only d6’s, and implements a staggered level of success, so not every win will look or feel the same. Definitely worth checking out!

Psi*Run, by Meguey & Vincent Baker.

Whoever’s after you, you know one thing: they will stop at nothing to capture you and you’ll stop at nothing to stay free. The holes in your memory vie for attention with your startling abilities - stay one step ahead of the Chasers long enough to answer your questions, and hope your psychic powers don’t go wild.

I don’t know much about this game specifically, but Meguey & Vincent Baker of Lumpley Games have made their stamp on the ttrpg scene with games like Apocalypse World, Under Hollow Hills, and Mobile Zero: Firebrands. Their approach to game design births games with mechanics that replicate emotions and genre mainstays very well. I expect this game to do the same for a game about being insanely powerful and yet always on the run.

Bellbottoms and Brainwaves, by Mekkekat.

The United States military has been conducting secret experiments on “willing” subjects in a program called PSY-CLOPS (Psychic Covert Learning Operatives). The program has successfully created a 6th sense in a  REDACTED number of subjects. This 6th sense can manifest within a subject in several ways, but all of these abilities are simply referred to as ‘powers’. The project has been funded for the past REDACTED years, but in last month, there was a problem. The Pentagon wants answers. REDACTED subjects have managed to escape.

This is a brutally short game that places you right into a cinematic 1960’s, with each character given a different suite of powers - and a different list of consequences that can get pretty brutal pretty quickly, so make sure you go over the possibilities with your group and apply safety tools in this kind of game. This game starts you out as on the run from a government agency, but go on the run long enough and you’re a vigilante by default, aren’t you?

The game itself is free, and if you want an online character keeper, I’ve made one here!

Syndrome, by Ill Advised Gaming.

Syndrome is a cyberpunk setting with strong elements of body horror in the vein of Scanners or Akira. High tech, low lifes dealing with illness in a society that fears them. Powerful and vulnerable in equal measure with only their fellow Nockers for support.

Built off of Caltrop Core and borrowing elements of systems like Apocalypse World and Unified Cutlery Theory, Syndrome frames psychic abilities as a metaphor for disability; in a world where data chips and facial recognition software are par for the course, psychics are off the map. Invisible. Marginalized. Perfect for both poverty and vigilantism. Syndrome is a pretty horror-heavy game, so I wouldn’t advise trying to run a power-fantasy in this game, but if you’re looking for a way to talk about living on the margins with some unique tools to strike back, it might be worth checking out!

Psychopunk, by Gormengeist. (@gormengeist)

PSYCHOPUNK is a TTRPG about being poor, being psychic, and murdering law enforcement. In order to play, you need a deck of cards, a d12, paper and pencils, and a can-do attitude. It's best with one game master [A.K.A the Scripter], and 2 to 5 players.

The year is 2022. Being poor is punishable by death- or perhaps worse- Time Prison. You are poor. But you’re also psychic, which very few lowly peasants such as yourself are. This means that where most people in your situation are rat meat, you are (probably) alive. For now.

If you want to keep it that way, you’ll need to evade the law, keep up on your Double Dollars ($$), and scuz some fucking corpos before they scuz you.

Another cyberpunk game about psychic powers, I love the pitch for this game. It’s mean to kick you down and force you to get back up scratching and bleeding and screaming. It comes with 12 life paths, 12 psychic abilities, 8 different signature enemies and everything you need to run deadly quick combat. Also it’s published by Gormengeist, who really knows how to find a theme and sell you on it. Check it out!

[thanx-files]

Season 3 Wrap-Up

Let’s skip the boring part. We know the routine by now, and I have a lotttt to say this time around. Thoughts on Talitha Cumi and S3 below the cut.

Talitha Cumi

My least favorite season finale so far, if I’m honest. It’s not that the stakes weren’t high enough, it’s that I was confused for a lot of this episode. I, like Mulder, have precious little patience for Cancer Man and his musings, and there were a LOT of musings in this episode. I’m going to have to read the Wikipedia plot summary for this one. Also, not enough Scully.

Season 3

My favorite season so far. I know, I know “Thanx, you’ve said that every season!” If you’ll recall, I was on the fence about season 2 being better than season 1 (Pilot my beloved) because I feared recency bias. But I feel very strongly that S3 beats out both S1 and S2 pretty handily, recency notwithstanding. Why? Because it’s fun, in a way. The first handful of episodes are less so, but as the season finds a rhythm, there are these brilliant little character moments. Skinner gains a lot of depth this season, for example, but he also has some killer one-liners that tell us he is playing this game for better or for worse.

And as for Mulder and Scully? If there is one thing these two will do, it’s talk on the phone. Those were some of my favorite details this season. The classic “it’s me,” but also the way they can’t stay off the phone in Coprophages. The way Mulder knows Scully will stay on the line to eavesdrop in Avatar. Mulder, our “ticking time-bomb of insanity” starts to show his Captain Ahab side more (hello, Grotesque???). And Scully gets to call him on it! More importantly, the moment I’ve been waiting for: they finally let Scully be so so Catholic.

This season just went crazy, I don’t know what to tell you. There are some seriously unhinged episode progressions — and I’m not even talking about the two-parters. Coprophages to Syzygy to Grotesque (just two eps before Pusher)? Quagmire to Wetwired? Stop it.

5 fave eps (now with more musing!):

Revelations - I told y’all I wanted more Catholic Scully, and this episode really delivered. I love that our skeptic is religious, however remotely. I love Scully. I love that there is this part of her which the X-Files never seem to touch — until they do.

War of the Coprophages - The way they can’t stay off the phone with each other. The way Fox Mulder just HAPPENS to be in the cockroach town during the cockroach uprising. The bug that crawls across the screen. The way Mulder is eating chocolate cake while writing his report about how he narrowly escaped an exploding shit lab. The inexplicably exotic bug he squishes without hesitation.

Pusher - Fuck all the way off. The paper that just says “Pass.” “Smile, Scully.” Russian roulette. Russian roulette!!! I don’t need to tell you all about this. You already know. Plus, there’s this deeply unwell post I already made.

Jose Chung from Outer Space - I also already posted about this one, but the TL;DR is that this sitcom fanatic loves a frame story and a series of Events Which Probably Didn’t Happen Like That.

Quagmire - I KNOW I KNOW it was between this and Wetwired. But when it comes down to it, the Captain Ahab conversation is just too fucking good. Also, I feel I should honor the memory of Queequeg, who deserved better.

5 least fave eps:

The Blessing Way - It’s not that it’s a bad ep, it’s just not for me. I’ve never been much for the metaphysical “between life and death” thing where you talk to your dead dad and he tells you to keep living. This is because my heart is made of rocks.

The List - I’ve come to the conclusion that I just don’t like prison eps.

Piper Maru & Apocrypha - I just got lost. Glad to see Krycek again tho!

Talitha Cumi - See above.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to buckle my seatbelt for the [REDACTED] [REDACTED] arc. Maybe I’ll also rewatch the pilot just for kicks.

[amrv-5]

Horrid Horrid Day of the kind so rarely experienced trying to treat it as a dubious comedic blessing and also remember it’s cool to experience stuff even stuff that sucks and makes you (?) feel bad (probably???) freeverse insanity monologue to my own blog so I don’t commit a homicide

most of it death by 1000 papercuts sort of things besides like 3-5 big Actual Genuinely Bad Comically Ridiculous Chaotic Events (middle of the night hotel eviction and subsequent 35 mile relocation to a Diff Hotel for my parents due to the City Of [Redacted] abruptly buying out the rooms (?!) for the one they were in for some sort of emergency housing thing?? (this is real and really happened)) but after 12.5 hrs and then well 999 other things that happened mostly to Me etc.💥💥💥🔨🔨🔨💥💥💥🔨💥🔨😭🔨🔨🔨💥💥💥�� godddd complicated relationship w parents aside it is so much to be Completely On and doing the Team Emotional Management the whole time whyyy am I the only grownup… can’t be tired or a little annoyed at being subject to last minute undiscussed demands on my time or even Drop The Cheerful Facade Of Bland Enthusiasm For A Second because I’m Ruining Things For Everyone. but also I’ve got 1 week break between semesters formally and I would like to: Sleep In + Get Meaningful Rest. please. Big ideal day plan wld be to sleep for 12-15 hrs read in bed for a few more go for a little run eat some oatmeal lay around watch movie without thinking about annnnyyything important all day. Is That So Much To Ask. Is This An Unreasonable Demand .

Well anyway I’m being soo dramatic and everything’s really pretty much fine. I cn recognize it’s nice that people went out of their way to make a trip here + want to spend a lot of time together it’s just that due to the Aforementioned Complicated Relationship the Spending Time Together is like. Well u know how wild boars when you stab them you have to have a special Boar Spear with a cross-bar because otherwise they will just keep running up your spear while impaled to Get You, The Spearholder? Well that’s what my relationship w my parents is like in this particular year. Getting stabbed and it sucksss but unfortunately there is the sense that if one keeps going thru the Horrid Feelings there may be some degree of satisfaction (easier or realer relationship? emotional connection? satisfaction of knowing I Tried My Best?) at the other end… but it has to be me (wild boar in this metaphor) doing alll of the work and experiencing the majority of the discomfort in pursuit of unclear ends… ahhhhhh sigh. good reminder I guess that I just still react weird and with maybe a greater than warranted degree of emotional sensitivity to extended intentional infringements on my space + autonomy that don’t take into account that I’m a person with opinions and an inner life and also I Slept Bad and several other problems so I’m much less patient than usual today. condensed: I’m At My Freakin Limit Dot JPEG rn. anyway. ouuughhh. home now going to run a bath (insane. who does that) turn off lights and just sit there in hot water for a while stewing (ha) until I feel less tense + tired (Big Win: reasonably tense + tired ≠ depressed…) maybe light a candle also. I wld bring a book into this if I didn’t know for a certainty I’d drop it in the water immmmmediately and the lathe of heaven doesnt deserve that from me. fuuuck. This probably makes me look insaaaane don’t read this. Or do whatever its my blog though sorry if u followed for fic and are just getting extended musings on my inner mental life + to do lists. In My Defense there’s a read more and if u see this You Clicked It And So Gave Ur Viewing Consent. In conclusion 👨‍👩‍👧🚗🏨🌃😭😔😑🤷‍♀️🙂➡️🛁🕯️📖🛌

[lovinggarou]

Very messy garou rant

Okay now I was taking a shower and I started to rant to myself abour garou .specifically abour garou avoiding bombs dojo because it was straight up related to bang and even though that ended up being Just a silly headcanons I still loved to think about that. I have to clarify 2 things is that 1. English is not my first language and 2. This is a rant not really analysis or looking for something too deeply is just messy thoughts with a Huge lack of redaction skills . I don’t think I’m good analyzing stuff and I don’t have the dialogues in hand 💔

I was genuinely about to ask what do people thought about it mainly basing myself on what garou said in the anime, manga and webcomic (mentioned in the databook too) about how he avoided using Stream Rock Smashing fist because it straight up reminded him of bang .which sometimes gets a little bit insane because a part of me thinks that he could’ve polished the technique (that was lacking of so many things which is shown during his first fight he had with bang) instead of just placing it apart. Bang even after months of being away from garou always showed how he still thought about him .st first when they mentioned him for the first time in the anime s1 episode 10 he sounded a bit resentful, but as the time passes and garou starts to show up as a hero hunter he starts to get melancholic and genuinely remorseful about it (which by the way has a whole page in the databook) -> I also want to clarify how I’m very aware how bang is not a sunshine and that he’s also one of the reasons of why garou ended up on the edge, not really wanting to fault him about it because it was a garou decision but well, feeling neglected by the only person that you probably trusted (and not at all), leaving you behind not just you his #1 disciple (just imagine how beinf the #1 something meant to him and how he probably felt after noticing that not even like that he could have that attention) but his whole dojo . making feel that he didn’t have nothing more to learn .like!!!!!!! Okay dude . bonus grief if you have in mind how garou thought about the heroes and knowing that his master was one now .idk but .garou beinf constantly neglected and pushed away and being pointed out always instead of actually someone taking the time to make him understant why the things he thought were wrong since he was a child. Bang instead of taking him and try to put his former disciple on the right path again after seeinf with his own eyes how far that “darkness” (in the databook they say en las tinieblas but idk how to translate that) was getting into him .instead of doing that pushing him away leaving him alone and also “freeing” the beast garou was “about to become” . and yk bang way of thinking is not the best too.he may have good intentions but well .ok . That’s probably why garou didn’t need at all .he needed someone to CARE about HIM not to baby him but to actually concern about him and to take their time .no one in his whole life have him that .he ended up seeking that attention into other things such as the hero hunting things that probably helped him to boost his ego. there’s lots of things but ok now I already ALREADY talked too much about things that weren’t the main point hello .sorry . messy thoughts .

Going back with dojo hunting..because yeah he kinda .was being called like that (lobster extra chapter from volume 8) .he was supposed to be fighting a bunch of dojos with the purpose of getting stronger (probably sort of the training he usually mentions becasue that’s the way garou gets stronger, also mentioned in the databook even though that’s super obvious, I think it’s cool because if he looses or not a battle he always hve something to absorb and to learn and apply for the next one .so no battle is a loose-> something that he also said in the manga) so here is where I had that silly headcanons of him avoiding bomb’s dojo .again repeating the same thing but without the .ramble . bang means a lot for garou .is a huge weak spot he has specially considering how much he reacts to him in the first place, him saying that he was avoiding his technique, his reaction when he heard bangs voice in the manga (and I specify the manga because in the manga they take this relationship and SQUEEZEEEE THE SHIT out of it . they WORKED IT BETTER and that’s the reason of why I like the end of his arc a little bit more in the manga but that’s another point that I won’t touch SORRY .focusing .), and that specifc internal dialogue he had when he was about to attack saitama .admitting thst he lacked of determination after he mentioned how he felt relieved to know that bang was alive after the fight he had with the centipede . Those little things that tell us how meaningful bang is for him and lowkey being the only one in his life (the lack of care his parents have for him completely abandoning him and leaving him with his master) .i liked the thought of him not wanting to have contact with bang and not wanting to feel weak out of his own emotions being the reason of why he didn’t like the idea of going for bomb’s dojo BUT SADLY IT got destroyed when I remembered that in fact bomb is almost (almost because even though he was stronger than him in the youth .bang is the one that could take monster garou without fubuki’s help) as strong as bang and GAROU IS NOT STUPID HE KNOWS HE WOULDVE GOT SABOTAGED here it comes wh y-> by that point garou wasn’t as strong or stronger than any of them . if I think about it a little bit more maybe if he tried to destroy that dojo and lost he could’ve become a little bit more stronger at the start of his arc after experimenting what bomb’s technique was after him losing because he was obviously gonna loose .but loosing would not just mean oh damn .i lost!!! Shame !!! but like .thats his brothers master .Bomb was probably not letting him go AT ALL . and he would’ve had to face the consequences of his actions sooner and hero hunting would probably have never happened .maybe if he achieved to escape but again …he couldn’t escape when he was fighting both of them he had to have the help of other monsters (which was frustrating for him) … yeah ….. there’s so many things to talk abour garou in my opinion and in this app they don’t have word restriction so #awesome . hell yeah . Goodby . e.

[rileysghostt]

The Siren’s Song

Chapter 2: The Mission

Ghost x F!Reader

Siren is an ex Army soldier turned CIA operative who’s known for finding and bringing in terrorists alive. She usually works alone, until Laswell bring her in to brief for a mission with Task Force 141.

Laswell briefed the team, and yourself, of the intel that the CIA was able to get on Noorani’s weapons deal. She played the call with subtitles, the team watched and listened intently as the call played.

“The order you superior asked for.. It’s ready. I presume he will be there for the drop?”

“No, he doesn’t do deals in person. I’ll be there, my word is as good as his. My handshakes are his, the deals I make are his. We are regarded as the same.”

“That will not do for this transaction, there are.. Products within this order that cannot be fulfilled or accepted by anyone other than the person who placed the order. Do you understand what I’m saying? This order is just too.. Large.”

“What will it take for me to accept this order.”

“For your boss to be there. Now meet us in Russia with your boss, or no deal.”

The translation from Russian to English was a little choppy but got the point across. Laswell clicked her remote to move to the next slide of her presentation which showed a satellite image of the address for the pick up.

“I say we get Price on overwatch, Ghost and Siren take the north building while Gaz and Soap take the south building, meeting up in the middle. Captain, you should be able to get a vantage point in these outlying hills of the middle courtyard area to see the exchange.”

“How are we so sure they’re going to do the exchange out in the open of the courtyard?”

You questioned Laswell, surely if this guy is VIP, they’d have to keep him indoors with guards at the entrances.

“We have reason to believe he’s purchasing missiles, and if he’s spending that kind of money he’s going to want to see them.”

“Missiles?! How?” Soap blurted out.

“We’re not sure. We’re hoping to get that intel on this mission.”

There was a moment of silence between the groups before Laswell spoke again,

“Any questions?”

Another silence fell in the room, everyone was in agreement of the mission and what to do. Seeing you were paired with Ghost left you feeling concerned. Considering he was shooting daggers with his eyes at you earlier, you weren’t sure how being his teammate would go. With a sigh you stood up with the rest of the group as everyone collected their things to leave the meeting room. To your surprise Ghost walked up to you, standing off to your side as you sling your carry on over your shoulder. He kept his hands in his front hoodie pocket, silent. You looked up at him for a moment, waiting for him to say something until you broke the silence.

“Yes?” you finally spoke in an awkward tone.

“I’ve seen your file, and I’ve seen a lot of it is redacted. This mission needs to go smoothly, please don’t do anything reckless. I know you Americans like to run and gun.”

You were awestruck, the absolute nerve of this guy!

With brows now furrowed, you took a step toward Ghost.

“Excuse me? For your information, I’ve infiltrated enemy safe houses, bases, homes and brought back over 80 terrorists for the U.S, and I do it alone. If you really think I’m so inept that I’d bum rush in there, and screw the whole mission, you’re insane. Great first impression you’re setting here.”

With that you turned on a heel and began to walk out of the room.

“I guess we’ll see.” was all Ghost responded with, his tone was unbothered.

You stopped at the doorway, turning your head slightly to speak.

“I have nothing to prove to you.”

Walking through the long halls of the British Intelligence building once again, you can almost feel the heat coming off your face. You were absolutely livid. You weren’t saying ‘excuse me’ anymore as you brushed by people, you just wanted to get out of there. What was Laswell thinking?! This was a god awful idea. This is exactly why you didn’t work with teams, or others.

Your mind was racing, fists clenched so hard your fingernails were definitely leaving marks in the palm of your hand. Finally, you made it out of there. For such a big building, it quickly began to feel suffocating. The people, the narrow halls, no windows, Ghost.

As you took in your first big breath of fresh air, your eyes fall on Captain Price. He was standing toward the water, a cigar lit between his teeth. One hand was in his pants pocket as the other held the cigar up to his mouth. The sun was out now, the reflection gleaming off the ripples of the water. You had half a mind to walk up and talk to him, but who’s to say he wouldn’t treat you like Ghost did? Before you realized, your legs began to walk toward him. ‘Why are you doing this.. Don’t do this..’

“Captain?”

You stopped next to him, looking out toward the water. When he heard your voice he looked over to you, then back at the water.

“Siren, good to meet you today.”

His tone was plane, obviously just being polite.

“You too, sir.” You paused,

“May I ask you something?”

His brow raised, now he was intrigued.

“Go ahead.”

“Is Ghost always that much of an asshole?”

Price stifled a laugh,

“Ah, so he’s already got to you aye? Ghost has a hard shell, once you get past that he’s a good guy.”

That remains to be seen, you thought to yourself.

“I’ve got to go, see you tomorrow morning when we head out.”

You nodded with a small smile, you felt good about going on the mission with him at least.

It was the next day, your hotel room alarm buzzed harshly. You immediately chastised yourself for not just using your phone alarm, however you really didn’t want to sleep through it today. You stayed up late just thinking. About the mission.. Noorani.. Ghost. You wished you didn’t have anxiety like this, especially about working with other people. Being that stone cold woman who didn’t care about what others said to her or about her was just not who you were. You cared. You cared deeply.

Tossing and turning in the crisp white sheets of the hotel, you just couldn’t get comfortable either. Maybe it was just the time change, you’re probably just jet lagged, you thought. Lying to yourself.

As you laid in the dark with nothing but your thoughts, you thought of Ghost again. Even after what he said and the way he stared down at you, your mind still ended up on him.. why? Finally you realize, his eyes. It’s his eyes, the way they were a stunning blue but yet, so muted. Bleak, even. The coal pain around his eyes made them stand out even more. Pain. What exactly has he seen? What’s his past?

It didn’t matter, he already seemed to not care for you. It’s not like you’d ever get to find out, as if you’d have a conversation outside of “work”.

Finally, your eyes drifted closed and you slept for a couple hours. 10 minutes after that awful buzzing from the old hotel alarm clock, you had left.

London looked a lot different at 4am. As you drove through you notice the streets were quiet, sidewalks weren’t buzzing with people. No overcast weather. No traffic, but the buildings were lit beautifully, lighting up the dark night sky. You almost preferred this London to the daytime one. There was something peaceful about such a large city being so quiet.

Just like that, you were at the gates of a military base. You show the soldier your credentials, and a note from Laswell to grant you access to the base. As you’re driven in, you see the AC-130 you’re about to board. You’re always in awe of them, how something so big can just float in the air like it does.

The driver parked the car toward the back of the shop. The back of the plane was open as you noticed Gaz boarding, watching him walk up the steep hatch door with a rucksack on his back.

You slipped out of the car, slinging your bag over your shoulder. Walking towards the plane you see Soap to your right, matching your pace.

“Mornin’!” he says too cheerfully for 4am.

“Morning, how many cups of coffee have you had?” You joke, giving a small laugh.

“Oh none, I’m just buzzin off the thought of this mission!”

At least someone was.

You took your seat in the massive plane, bringing the straps over your shoulders and around your waist to buckle in the front. There was enough room on the plane for everyone to spread out, having a little space to yourselves.

You grabbed the cord that attached to your seat, clipping your bag to the carabiner so it wouldn’t slide around the plane. As you looked up, you saw him. Ghost. He walks towards you. No bag, nothing to bring with him on the plane. Not even a book to read for the flight. He takes the seat directly next to you, pulling his seatbelts over his shoulders and lap. You were awestruck yet again, there was so much open space around the rest of the plane, and he decided to sit right next to you?!

“Can I help you?” you say sarcastically. Surely he knows what he’s doing.

“With what exactly?” he retorts in a low rumble of his accent.

“Of all the seats you could have gone to, you chose this one? right next to me?!”

“Is that a problem?”

“Actually yeah, it is. I was looking forward to having my own space for this trip..”

“I like this seat. You can move if you really want.”

You were not going to move. You were there first, and your stubbornness gets the best of you.

You huff as you sit looking forward again, crossing your arms.

The mission is off to a great start.

Chapter 3:

a/n: Better late than never! please let me know your thoughts! thanks so much for reading also sorry for typos i’ll fix them soon! i finished and posted last night without editing lmao🥲

Tag List:

@sashadiurnal @shuttlelauncher81 @shadylilac @hypernovaxx @hornehlittleweeblet2

[pepprs]

mission failed we’ll get em next time 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[bylightofdawn]

Seeds Snippet

Okay I'm just so ridiculously happy that Jaster and Jango have gotten to this point I am totally gonna post a snippet. It's TECHNICALLY Sunday so this could totally be WIP Sunday adjacent. XD

Context, Jaster is laid up in a hospital bed after his pretty gnarly injuries from his fight with Tor Vizsla, they were previously discussing Arla and how she'd gotten involved in the whole thing. I am gonna redact certain key story spoilers but mainly it's just them having a real, wholesome conversation and Jango finally works up the guts to confess to Jaster that he doesn't want to be Mand'alor. Something he's been hiding and stewing over pretty much the whole damned fic.

I feel like Jaster's B-tier parenting has definitely upgraded over the fic and I'm willing to give him a solid A-tier parenting gold star at this point. As always, it's super rough, not edited, and since it was written last post-midnight, it is bound to be even more typo-riddled and dramatically incorrect than normal. Those are Gremlin El hours after all.

Surprise flashed across Jango’s face when Jaster said that. A troubled look quickly followed it. “That was stupid of her.”

“I agree; I wish she’d trusted me enough to communicate her plans at the very least. But I also understand why she did it. Death Watch taught her the best way of solving her problems is with violence; it’s going to take a lot of time and effort for her to learn to outgrow those ingrained habits. And while I do understand why she did what she did, I would be lying if I didn’t admit it has shaken my trust in her somewhat.”

Something akin to fear shadowed the teen’s eyes. “Are you going to send her away?” Jango asked, voice going tight.

“No, I think that would only serve to prove all of her fears and concerns about us correct if I were to do that. And I also think it would make her backslide and we don’t want that. Also? I would never do that to you, Jango so don’t worry about that. We’re just going to have to take things slow. But I was serious when I made my offer to assist her in settling into any life she wanted to pursue. I don’t want to see her slip through the cracks.”

Jaster’s lean face wore a weary and tired expression. “I’m afraid of what we will find when we head home and make a more concerted effort to find the Death Watch training base. It’s clear we cannot leave that to lie any further. I suspect there will be too many Arla Fetts we will discover when we start turning over rocks on Concordia.” He looked up at Jango then with a somber look on his face.

“I don’t want your generation or the ones that follow to inherit our war. And I don’t want to see an entire generation of children have their childhoods ripped away because of Tor Vizsla’s insanity and zealotry. I fear the damage has already been done but maybe we can mitigate some of that pain and sorrow going forward.”

Jango nodded seriously and settled back into the chair next to Jaster’s side.

“Speaking of the future, there’s something I’ve been meaning to talk to you about.”

“What’s on your mind, Jango?”

The boy looked anywhere but directly at Jaster as he visibly battled with coming up with what he wanted to say.

“I’ve been thinking about this for a while, so I don’t want you to think this is a rash decision. But…I don’t want to be Mand’alor. I know everyone expects me to step up and that you need a proper successor, but I don’t think that’s me.”

Jango’s words confirmed that Jaster had been suspecting for a while if he was being truthful with himself. And at part of him understood just how much pressure it was to place on the shoulders of a young teenager. Still, he knew how much that must have cost Jango to admit.

“I understand and I respect your choice. I never, ever wanted you to think I was expecting you to succeed me. Hells, this isn’t some blood dynasty that needs to be handed down anyway. I’m sorry if you felt pressured or like there was some expectation to do so. I’ll make it clear to everyone as soon as I’m better.”

“But…after everything that’s happened, that’s just going to make people panic more, I think.”

“That’s my problem to deal with, you don’t need to take that pressure on your shoulders. And if people are assuming just because you’re my son that means I’m automatically going to chose you to pick up the mantle when I retire then I’ll have to set some people straight. Yes, things might be in flux and in transition for a while. And I would not be surprised if someone looks at me and thinks I’m a crippled and weak target and I will cross that bridge if it comes to it. I will respect the old traditions and answer any challenger who thinks they can lead our people better than me.”

Fear curdled in Jango’s stomach at the realization that Jaster’s injuries had really left him in a precarious position.

[Redacted story spoilers here] Jaster assured him and reached out to ruffle Jango’s mussy curls affectionately, something the teen only visibly tolerated.

“Now, I want you to get out of this place; I want you to go get some real food, find a shower, brush your damned hair and get some real sleep in a real bed. That’s an order, understand?” He said playfully, but there was a hint of steel in his voice all the same, and Jango recognized the order for what it was.

“Yes, buir.” It was one of the few times when Jango said that word with sincerity, not a hint of exasperation, scorn or irony. Jaster felt something lighten in his chest.

“Good, I’ll see in twelve hours, nothing less.”

And that earned him an exasperated eye-roll from the teenager, which was almost to be expected at this point.

“I love you, kiddo.” Jaster decided to press his luck just a little if only because he didn’t want a day to go by that, his son had any doubt that he loved him. And if that meant saying it out loud more often and being more proactive in demonstrating it, he would do it.

“Yeah, me too.” Jango said a little husky as he climbed to his feet. After hesitating, he leaned down again and gently hugged Jaster one last time before booking it for the door.

[wedriftlikelonelyplanets]

PLEASE PLEASE please give me a tattoo tour

DARLING ANON

I know you’re probably only asking bc I wanted someone to ask but STILL. You are a blessing.

Please appreciate the gratuitous amount of thigh you get to see now.

In no particular order, the semi-colon was my first tattoo, for the reasons you think it exists.

The large cat portrait is a memorial piece for my baby girl, my heart cat, Abigail and was my second piece. The orange cat on my ankle was a fun flash that’s coloured for Apollo, one of my current cats and was my third.

The pill is my fourth, the lyrics are “I’ve got a sunset in my veins and I need to take a pill to make this town feel okay” from the Fall Out Boy song “sophomore slump or comeback of the year.” This one was actually an art piece I did turned into a tattoo by my artist, and I got it when I went to see fall out boy in [redacted city here]. The bottom of the pill capsule is colour matched to the green half of the Prozac I used to take.

The candlestick and moth were tattooed at the same time as my fifth and sixth, they were also flash.

The seventh, and the crowning glory, the tattoo I sat for 7.5 hours for to get shaded (to which my artist told me my pain tolerance is insane), is a hippocampus from Greek mythology, and was also only finished at the beginning of August, so I don’t get to show it off a lot. And honestly the photos don’t even do justice to how incredible it is. This artist did an AMAZING job and her shading and attention to detail is IMPECCABLE

THANK U FOR ASKING ME ABT THIS!!!!

[frostmoths]

Might regret posting this. cw alcohol, suicide ideation

Let me preface by saying I wrote this, and a much more emo version before, over the course of a week, and I’m feeling a little better now. It comes and goes. It's everything I’ve been handling since late May, and I want to open up about it.

I have extreme depression and recent happenings have tipped the scale to make me nearly non-functional. I started therapy and medication a year ago because of the world’s most passive-aggressive rejection. I’m way worse now. I’m on my third med and if what happened Sunday (I was very ill) was a side effect, I’m going to have to quit it too. I don’t believe in antidepressants as a cure-all and I’ve only been conceding because I’m tired of wanting to lay down and die. Not kms necessarily, just stop hurting. Though I’ve got like 10 bottles of various prescription insomnia meds which don’t do any good on their own, so maybe if I take them all at once

One weeknight in early June I tried to drink myself to passing out and forgetting what broke my heart. Instead I threw up and went to work the next day hung over. And it was an embarrassingly small amount to drink. Just that it was cheap and I had it on an empty stomach because I was too enraged to make dinner. I haven’t had alcohol since. I dumped out what was left. 

My idiot father, who has dementia, has taken to dragging his guns around everywhere because he’s paranoid they’ll be stolen, and gets angry if he's confronted about it. I’ve alerted several authorities but unless my mother complies, nothing will be done. She won’t because she’s also insane. In May I had a full nervous breakdown expecting me or my cats to get murdered. It was probably the breaking point for my short-lived girlfriend dumping me two days later. Once again my shitty family has ruined any chance of happiness for me. 

When I saw a pistol on his chairside table the other day, instead of blind panic, I felt nothing. I kind of hoped it was loaded and he’d do it, so everything would stop.

My new house is a shitshow and I got ripped off. I have approximately 6 hours a week to work on it and zero help so I’m still not moved in. At this point I hope to sell it after a couple of years of improvements (if I can afford them), get my money back, then maybe flee this godforsaken country and go live in the mountains in. Fucking Iceland. idk. My mother promised assistance for certain things and took it back because that’s what she does. I’m about ready to cut her out of my life.

I can barely eat without getting sick in one way or another. I no longer enjoy things like cooking, EDM, watching anime, and, worst of all, writing. Last month I started poking at [redacted]’s outline as a way to keep my head above water, only to realize it’s way more vague than I remember and that some parts make no damn sense. This is a thing I’ve been bragging about for 3 years as proof that I know what I’m doing, so I feel like a fool. I deleted everything I ever posted about it on my sideblog. I’m tempted to wipe what’s started off AO3. Tempted to delete the entire account tbh, too many memories which are too raw right now. I’m not a skilled writer and the pros (plural) were right to call me out on it last year. And this has been the one thing about myself I was confident in my entire life, that I was banking on making a career now that I finally, finally have my own house with peace and quiet, and now I can see I was fucking delusional. I give up.

My therapist says I have trauma and that I never healed from what happened in 2020 (not Covid-related). I can only see her every 5-6 weeks because she’s that booked. She said she argued with administration because she can't focus on her current patients but they keep throwing new ones at her. Kind of like my job. Everyone everywhere is overworked.

To cope I’ve been indulging in something that’s frowned upon — not a substance abuse thing, but an ethical thing? I guess? Among creatives. I don’t care because it helps me. My psych and my therapist both told me to seek supplemental therapy in between appointments. I think they had something more like b*tterh*lp in mind, but that’s a proven pyramid scheme so lol no thanks. Psychology books and imaginary friends it is.

My employer is closed today and tomorrow for the holiday, and I’m on vacation next week. Much-needed extended time off for me. If I don’t make headway on the house then I don’t know what. I didn’t want to spend my one week off a year moving in the middle of fucking summer during the worst heat on record. At one point I had much more pleasant plans but that’s no longer happening and I can’t think about it. I can’t, but I still do. 

I wanted this house to be my success story. Having worked hard, she rescued herself, escaped her toxic family with her fur sons and flourished creatively, healthfully, and romantically. All was well. The reality is that I was likely conned as a first-time single homebuyer and I'm so mentally ill now that I may not be able to meet the demands of maintaining a 70 year old house with nonworking appliances I can't afford to replace, let alone my own well-being. How did I get myself into this. 

There's one last-ditch effort I can make to pull myself through, but not properly until I move. It sounds like a lame excuse and it probably is, but whatever. Better later than never. However, I tried this last fall, went too hard too fast and burned out after 4 months. I threw a lot of money away doing it. I keep hearing push yourself, go intense, you'll never get there with baby steps but I also think you have to take baby steps if you're starting from zero because otherwise you'll burn out? I'm so tired of conflicting information everywhere. One tells me one thing, another says that's wrong. I can't trust anyone. 

There are a couple of other things I’m looking forward to trying more than exercise. Which are probably less healthy for me. Who is going to stop me. hashtag yolo

I keep telling myself it won’t be this way forever. Just like summer. It comes around once a year, it feels like death, and then there’s relief. But it’ll happen again and again. Just like summer. You have to adapt.

I'm glad pride month is over. I don't know what I'm supposed to be so proud of.

[thewingedwolf]

okay i’ve watched a few seasons now, and i’m about to move into pre-new era seasons so-

that do or die twist is so unserious omg

i know big brother has gaslighting, spying, & manipulating too but these people just straight up going through each other’s bags is so funny, they all talk about lifelong friendships but they also don’t give a FUCK lmao

(none of these are in any order, just top 4)

faves in 41: shan, xander, erika, evvie

faves in 42: maryanne, romeo, lindsay, drea

faves in 43: i did not watch; i’ve seen the discourse around this season and i simply Don’t want to feel pain like this so i put it off for now

faves in 44: i did not watch; like purely because of the nonsense going on with carson aksjdjd i might genuinely go back to this one later

faves in 45: kaleb, kellie, jake. why did i only list 3 people? bc genuinely it’s a four way tie between dee katurah julie and emily, like this was an amazing season for women. also, the hottest season.

i think it says a lot about me that one of my favorites three seasons in a row was a zero vote finalist aksjdjd personally i think this means one of my faves this season is gonna be one too, i’m guessing venus or q

shan making dx hum her betrayal theme song on the challenge usa is so much funnier with context bc she LITERALLY hummed it out loud while thinking about how she’d have to betray one of her besties aksjsj the nerve of that woman is insane i love her

the way i got so excited for deshawn to make a comeback in that lil chicken & veggies alliance only for him to truth kamikaze his way through that tribal is just…..i actually had to walk away from my tv my secondhand embarrassment was so bad

i think it’s a lot different when you know who is going to win because i went in paying attention to erika and really vibing with her but i get the impression no one was expecting her to win the way that a lot of people thought maryanne would win over everyone else in f5.

that said, i think 41 was my favorite bc i love when people are smart but also canNot keep their mouths shut, these people were so gossipy and got soooo heated with each other, but i didn’t hate anyone, i was rooting for everyone, like i was riveted i had fun.

i literally keep replaying that “do i believe that? no i do not,” moment between naseer and heather on loop in my mind it was soooo funny aksjsjs

xander scruffy looking…….i would fold so fast i’m afraid 😔

that said, i had to walk away during some of his answers for the final tribal because he is just so sweet but he is SO unaware i was HURTING even with evvie and ricard clearing trying to lead him to an answer, it took like four false starts for him to name a good social read and everyone to nod and go “oh yeah that one makes sense”

drea’s comedic timing is unparalleled. i have never laughed that loud at a reality tv contestant, her voice is just so expressive. yes i’m talking about the potato line she is funnier than every comedian on netflix to me

that season had me screaming every episode it was really fun to watch and maryanne just like. sparkles. she’s enchanting.

i hope jonathan [redacted for legal reasons]

austin is so sexy to me because he really just laid down and died so his super hot girlfriend could win a million dollars, that’s the perfect man

actually i’d like to say it again. hottest cast. austin & dee was just pretty on pretty. jake is adorable. kellie. katurah. emily. kaleb. hottest cast by far.

i’ve been listening to know it alls & why blank lost just to get a feel for strategy and i’m excited to get through older seasons to see gameplay without so many twists because yeah there’s like a LOT of them esp in 41. it’s funny listening to them all bitch about this constantly tho. also interested in eventually watching a season without fire making - the next group i’m looking at are david v goliath, heroes v healers v hustlers, millennials v gen x, and gamechangers. might flip around a bit before i land on one tho.