#really makes you wonder how life trajectory forms

[kaiserouo]

Also probably no art before wednesday and if there are its probably because im in my lab and i reached my attention span so i got into a toilet and draw on my phone for 15 minutes

Or ill just be fucked in wednesday's meeting what do i know

[katakaluptastrophy]

Your children are weapons for the director's cut meme?

Ooh, thank you for the ask!

Your Children Are Weapons, TLT, 3k

What does it mean to be a family when your family is an ongoing act of imperial violence? What does it mean to love when most of the choices you can make have already been made for you?

Sometimes the horrors of love are a pair of child soldiers being raised by the people annexing their House, and the realisation that questioning everything is not enough to save your family from a system bigger than you.

This fic started off as a Tumblr post that I'd intended to be a short musing on the Fourth House teens, and rather got away from me... (hence the slightly odd second person narration - it was never intended to be a long form piece!)

The fandom so often reduces the relationship between the Fourth and the Fifth to a sort of saccharine tropey family, but the reality seems to be so much more complicated than that. Given the feudal world of the Houses, I fear the relationship is rather less 'nice foster carers' or 'adopted by your favourite teachers' and rather more Game of Thrones style hostage-wards. The fact that they all clearly love each other a great deal doesn't undo the complexity of how they came to be where they are and the tensions inherent in the relationships they're trying to navigate:

You are cavalier primary of the Fourth House and you fear you are still being propped up on cushions.

The first chapter tries to explore this from the Fourth's perspective: that they're sent away from their homes and surviving family, that they're brought up in a place that enjoys freedoms and comforts unknown to the Fourth, and their growing realisation that their lives will forever be overshadowed:

You will all serve the empire together. Perhaps, when you are the fingers and gestures of god, none of these differences will matter any more.

Chapter 2 follows the same trajectory, but for Abigail, and just what the weight of being the scion of Koniortos Court might mean:

You grow up in a world of manners and rubrics carefully tamped atop screaming feral horrors and the madness of the dead.

A lot of the comments on this chapter are people yelling at me for this line, which also inspired @brightchrysaor's excellent Of Such Banality (which makes it Worse):

You have miscarriages. As a necromancer, you can feel the little spark of thalergy ignite and then extinguish.

This came out of a reflection on my own experience of the physical effects of early pregnancy, and wondering how that experience would be different if you were able to sense thalergy and thanergy...

On a lighter note, I really enjoyed trying to flesh out the way Abigail tries to navigate some of the tensions in her life:

you are a historian, and a lover of curiosities, and very stubborn when you want to be. In accordance with ancient Fifth custom, you make your husband your cavalier. You frame both the disappointed letter from the Master Templar and one of the more pornographic political cartoons in a dark corner of your study.

Your children aren't yours. They are the Fourth's. They are your mother's expansion project. They are weapons in the hand of the emperor.

[ilynpilled]

i like overthinking this sorry ok so what’s interesting about the whole jaime sitting on the throne “just to sit down” bc it is just a chair bit is that yes, jaime has a particular disillusioned relationship with that symbol of power, and the thing is that that chair is like a gazillion meters up in the air or whatever so i do think it is a bit more complicated than just him having to sit down after #allthat, he could have very well just sat on the stairs lol. so u can argue that there was a more conscious decision being made on his part.

and this whole exchange is more about parallax, about an outside interpretation rather than what is canonically going on in jaime’s head. and i get that a lot of people think it is mostly “a remnant from the original outline”, but i do not think that means george wrote it with the intention for it to lock on a specific trajectory, i think it is a seed that can be gardened however he pleases, especially because of some heavy foreshadowing with him in agot already for many things that i think are pretty incompatible with that original outline. i do think there is a reframing happening in asos with that action and we can still make sense of it. but neither ned or robert were correct imo.

jaime’s experience leaves him with a very interesting mindset when it comes to “right” to absolute power and the throne. the image of a king figure gets torn down in every way: aerys obviously becomes a destructive person who was still born with right to that power, and him having that power has devastating consequences, but what also sticks with jaime is that contradiction in his death. how he dies in such an ugly human way. there really is nothing differentiating him from the lowborn rossart, in fact, rossart seems to have died with more dignity. the whole “equal in death/not equal in life” thing. i do find the “sword across the knee” bit interesting, bc it does mean denying guest right in the north. i wonder if u can read that imagery as him guarding the seat in a more symbolic way, and sending a message with his existence (especially considering what his role and the whole wildfire plot in the story being stopped and a king being murdered by a kg means on a less personal scale: the whole analysis of ‘what is power and who holds it?’ that permeates this series), almost like a warning, considering what goes through his head before he climbs up there. anyway, i do read it as an act of conscious ‘defiance’ of some kind. if we go beyond what a 17 year old jaime can fully grasp at that point, he did break the social order by murdering his king as a kingsguard and that has implications in their world. that is an interesting precedent. and then jaime is so disillusioned by social contracts of this sort that he sees no difference between his act and the act of robert, ned, & co, which is why he is so particularly frustrated by what he views as hypocrisy. and then ofc with ned’s commentary of “he had no right to that throne”, like this is just the mindset of society, it is built on these constructs of rights and oaths etc, and they all serve a purpose in reinforcing a status quo. jaime all throughout the present text shows no concern for, or even an active rejection of, this construct of ‘right’ to that throne. like he does seem to view the whole thing like: “you can win that power with swords, power resides where people think it does, what does the rest matter?” (as per his targ romance with cersei delusion passage) so many of his thoughts and actions imply this rejection of the construct of right to that power, especially through birth. he also does not view it as something with that much ‘worth’ in terms of what it means for the individual. it gets as overt as it can with “how much can a crown be worth, if a crow can dine upon a king?” etc. i do think him sitting on that throne is a symbolic gesture, maybe even a form of taking back control through diminishing its value, even more hard-hitting considering he does not want the throne himself, and then belittles it even more with his words afterwards

[robotmieser]

I love writing my crossover fanfic. Like

At first I was just kind like "I mean yeah I guess you could put Link as a stand in for Artoria for Fate Stay Night" and through writing the fanfic I kinda sat and did a lot of comparing and was like "Hey wait a minute."

///WARNING: AUTISTIC RAMBLE THE LIKES OF HUMANITY HAS NEVER SEEN BEFORE DOWN BELOW///

Like first off, let's compare Link and Artoria. Alright, let's get the obvious stuff out of the way.

Blonde

Fair Eyes

Carries a conceptually powerful holy sword

But let's dig a little deeper

They both somewhat regret carrying their respective holy sword. For Artoria, on the eve of her death she wishes so much to change the fate of herself and Britain that she makes a pact with the world itself to be able to even have a chance to change this fate.

Link, consequently resents being a hero, or at the very least that could very well be implied. See, Link only pulls that sword out because Zelda tells him to. He goes through seven levels of hell just to save her and slay Ganon.

He is a changed man. A few days ago (or probably more, considering that multiple days, maybe even weeks or months can go by if you do all the side quests) he was just a ten year old boy trying to do his best and save people.

Now, he's suffered and done so much, all in the name of being a hero. He has seen so much shit. He's had to see the forest he called home fall to monsters. He's had to reconcile with the fact that his big sister figure, Saria has ascended to a higher plane to a place he can't access, so he'll never see her again. Same goes for Darunia, Ruto (by the way, how do you think he coped after figuring out what fiancé meant just to lose said fiancé?), Impa, Nabooru.

He finally gets all the medallions, he saves everyone, he does their little side quests, and with full health, protection from the Great Fairies, and Master Sword in tow, he slays Ganon.

The Seven Sages seal him away in the Sacred Realm, and all is right in the world.

But no. Not really. No it's not. Zelda sends him back. To get a proper childhood that was robbed of him.

It doesn't take a genius to tell the holder of Wisdom that things just don't work like that.

He's changed.

But he doesn't have a choice. So he's sent back. He probably shit stomps the bosses that once gave him decent trouble as a child, and with enough time to spare, he goes to the castle, Triforce of Courage in tow and exposes the plots Ganondorf had. Hooray! All is solved! But... No it's not.

Sure, several years later, they finally capture and put down Ganondorf. They bring him to the Arbiter's Grounds, and plan to execute him.

Twilight Princess shows how this goes down. It goes poorly. Ganondorf breaks from his bonds and kills the Sage of Water. (Boy, I wonder who the Sage of Water is? Surely it couldn't be the Zora Princess? Link's possible fiancee?)

They don't even manage to finish Ganondorf off, they send his ass to the literal shadow realm. Zelda's plan was so piss poor that it didn't even work.

He's so steeped in regret after a life of suffering, that he becomes a shadow of his former self. He becomes the Hero's Shade. Where do you first encounter him? Faron Woods. Near the Lost Woods and Sacred Grove where the Master Sword waits. Homeboy became a Stalfos!

Even worse, the Hero's Shade has battle damage on his armor. It's quite possible he was injured badly enough that he went back home to lay down and die.

One thing about animals, but especially canines in general. When they know they're dying, they'll move to find a quiet place to die. What form does the shade take first before you fight him in a form? A wolf, just like Twilight Princess Link takes.

A dog. An animal usually depicted as an animal of servitude.

A life steeped in regret, after pulling a sword from a stone that changes the trajectory of the wielder's life forever. Sound familiar?

Can I also say, it's hilarious that conceptually, both have swords that are fucking stupid levels of strong?

The Master Sword is a holy sword made by the goddess of the entire planet, reforged by the flames of dragons and is the blade of evil's bane. It conceptually, just drives away evil, specifically the evil of one fucking guy for all eternity.

Excalibur is the Sword of Promised Victory, made by the fairies, which might as well be gods in the Nasuverse and is made with the breath of the planet. Not unlike the Master Sword. Both swords are so overpowered it's almost funny.

—————————————

And that's not even touching on the similarities that Link and Shirou or rather, Shiroko have in this fanfic.

Link and Shiroko are both people saved from flames caused by a war, either figurative or literal.

Their birth parents are dead, and they are saved and raised by a single father.

Said father is later killed by a curse when Link/ Shiroko is around ten-ish

Because of suffering through their respective tragedies, either known or unknown, they're ostracized either by choice or by others.

Link is ostracized as a result of being different. He's just different. He has no fairy. He's not like any other Kokiri. He ages. He grows old. He's not like them. He's different, so they don't post him much mind.

Shiroko ostracizes herself because she was old enough to remember the tragedy that befell her original family, and even then, she represses it so hard she forgets what even actually happened.

The Great Deku Tree is killed by Gohma and Kiritsugu is killed by the lingering damage from The Grail/ Angra Mainyu. By the way, very poignant that both are dead men by the time their problems are solved.

Both have an older sister figure that will constantly look young and beautiful and such. Link has Saria and Shiroko has Illyasviel.

Ironically, on different ends of the spectrum of affection. Saria has nothing but love for Link, and treats him with every ounce of support she has m can give. Whereas Illyasviel has resentment and hate towards Shiroko for living a life she should have, making her obsessed with Shirou.

Both older loli bait big sister figures ascend to a higher plane/ or die to assist their respective protag at one point or another. Saria awakens as a Sage, and Illyasviel uses the Third Magic and deactivates the Grail to save Shiroko during Heaven's Feel.

Both have a girl obsessed with them for one act of kindness. Link has Ruto and Shiroko has Sakura.

Also it's funny that both Shirou and OoT Link get a game like a year after their respective games that involves time loop bullshit to fight an evil that possesses people and is so ancient it barely has form and just wants to watch the world burn.

Ganondorf wanted to rule the world with an iron fist.

Angra Mainyu and Majora just want to watch the world burn. All they know anymore is hate. It's so conditioned to them after years being a vessel for it, that they just don't care anymore. They want to destroy the world and have fun doing it!

————————

Anyway go peep my fanfic if you enjoyed this ramble

[woodenpicador]

got an interesting pair of anons on CuriousCat that I posted on Twitter so I thought it would be worth posting here (h/t @sappy-sappho for the idea to cross-post)

reminder that shauna, nat, jackie, and lottie are all canonically straight!

are they? i think we can say that shauna, nat, and jackie have canonically had intimate relationships with men, though i would argue that the show portrays those relationships in ways that intend the audience to question their motivations and desires in those moments. Lottie has kissed Travis while tripping balls but I am very hesitant to ascribe anything about genuine desire to that. I wonder whether canon/non-canon may have outlived its usefulness as a distinction: text, subtext, or metatext feels like a more interesting framework to examine media

shauna stole jackie’s boyfriend married him and had a kid. lottie tried to hook up with nats boyfriend. the key word is boy. shauna also wanted to fuck travis and her daughters boyfriend. she had a whole affair with a man. nat was in love with kevin. they’re all straight. u know u can ship characters without making up lies right? the only lesbians on the show are van and tai! u don’t need to include straight girls in lesbianism.

you raise a lot of points and I’m going to try to address them all. starting with the accounting of plot: so I don’t think these are INVALID reads of textual events necessarily—though Nat being in love with Kevyn is an interpretation of the text and not indisputable in the text itself and I really would not describe Lottie in Doomcoming as trying to hook up with Travis—but I don’t think they bear as neatly on “are these characters straight” as you present here and in fact complicate it more. I’m not here to police identities but I don’t think any of this actually precludes any of these characters from being lesbians, whether closeted or in denial or unsure or simply not knowing at the time at which these events occur. people discover themselves on different trajectories, and people do things they don’t want to do all the time (Shauna even specifically says she had Callie to save a marriage that she “got into out of guilt and shame”). the question is and remains: are these characters acting on an attraction to men or are they acting on something else? the nature of the medium makes these questions largely unanswerable in a strict “canon” sense. no character states their identity on any axis with particularized clarity, it can only be inferred and interpreted from text, subtext, and metatext. which, for instance, is how we know that tai and van are lesbians, even though neither of them outright says “I’m a lesbian.”

which brings me to what I think is the more critical point here: you’ve positioned lesbianism and straightness as a binary option, “two roads diverged in a yellow wood” - which I think neglects the different forms identity and attraction can take. Shauna, who shows attraction to men in 1996 only when they are marked by Jackie and in 2021 only when that attraction is abstract versus the concrete article, transgresses against the roles of wife and mother that she has constructed to imprison her for the duration of her life sentence, may be a closeted or in-denial lesbian or she may simply be bisexual. Nat may be (I would argue is) bisexual. at no point did I represent that they’re lesbians, but I wouldn’t reject an interpretation that they are. But bisexuality isn’t “including straight girls in lesbianism” and having had sex with men does not forever exclude you from a lesbian identity by simple fact of having done it. Jackie, whose attraction to men is so tied up in layers of performance, I would argue is clearly written as a lesbian even if you don’t buy the “Shauna and Jackie are in love with each other” formulation. but these are interpretations, no more right than anyone else’s—and no more wrong, either.

but I am a fic writer first and foremost, so no, I cannot ship two characters without telling lies upon lies. it’s fiction, none of it is “true” in the factual sense, but if it is successful, whether fan work or canon, it is true in the emotional sense

[amrbokhari]

Prompt:

A line for each year of your life.

One

There are worlds to see still

and thousands more of everything else to be done.

Two

Some girl with an unoriginal name and a diabetic disposition

rudely comes into view.

Three

His parents tell him he’s clay that can shapeshift into

anything he wishes to be.

Four

The middle, allegedly funniest child

unfunnily knocks the door.

Five

He hears about the galaxy at school

and swears his mother must have some tool

in keeping it alive.

Six

He wonders why his father breaks but does not fix,

yet still thinks he’s cool for being bomb-like

in the way that he ticks.

Seven

He’s the type of kid to wear his sister’s dress to cheer her up

as if it were his mission.

Eight

The first of many encounters with Death,

in the form of an electric state,

for which he must’ve arrived

three seconds too late.

Nine

His life-trajectory drastically changes

due to the bullying and hatred

he was forced to imbibe.

Ten

He realizes he’s the eldest to 4 sisters now

and subconsciously vows

to seek a brother in all varieties of men.

Eleven

He envisions endless,

underwear-peeing laughter

whenever someone mentions Heaven.

Twelve

He thinks girls are the stupidest thing his eyes have ever seen.

Thirteen

His anti-bully defense-mechanism kicks in

and makes him a bit mean,

but he still cries when watching gentle father-son dynamics

on the screen.

Fourteen

He convinces himself his 3 uncles

are actually his dad

and can’t imagine a reason why anyone would ever be

unchangeably sad.

Fifteen

He tends to thank his friends

for being his friends,

and they think it’s obscene.

Sixteen

Death returns to complete the deed

and plants a seemingly innocuous seed

in the deepest corners of his mind

then waters it with

everything unkind.

Seventeen

He recurrently dreams of kissing his mother goodbye

and regularly asks Allah for a short life

while face-down on the ground

but doesn’t really understand why.

Eighteen

He childly tells his tired mother

he’d like to take care of the galaxy on her behalf,

but she now hates that role’s legacy,

and it breaks his whole being in half.

Nineteen

The prospect of his birthdays

is now a source of malice,

but he finds solace in poetry

and transient drunkenness in its chalice.

Twenty

The aforementioned seed becomes an unkillable tree

with ropes around its branches aplenty.

Twenty-One

There has never existed a moon,

a sun,

or, for that matter,

anyone.

Twenty-Two

Love masquerades as a savior,

but love is a damn costumed fool

and so,

goddamnit,

are you.

Twenty-Three

I see a hundred of me

neck-hanging from ramiform appendages

dangling from the sky and The Undying Tree,

but there’s one vacant branch lovingly beckoning to me

and whispering boomingly,

“Awaken from your reverie;

this is where you were always meant to be.”

I gleefully run to thee and

gallop gasping tearfully for you;

I am yours outside-in for

eternity.

Twenty-Four

We don’t remotely know how,

but an angel-psychiatrist with a silly little pill

renders suicide an odd thought

we don’t visit much anymore.

Twenty-Five

He can’t believe he almost died and,

despite the ongoing life-taking pandemic,

wakes up daily with the internal headline:

“What an Incomparable Time to Be Alive”.

Twenty-Six

He wistfully thinks

often of the backs that were broken,

to which he was beholden,

for bridging his way

through his valley while they

gave parts away

and had fallen below—

he wishes he could gift them his spine and his soul.

Twenty-Seven

He finds an endless wellspring of love

right next to where his abyss used to be

and suspects it’s his heart—

a lively rendition of The Undying Tree.

Twenty-Eight

All his family and friends

guard the galaxy with him,

and he worries no more for its fate.

Twenty-Nine

He’s mirrored by patients who sit where he sat,

a reflection no longer malign,

and tells them that they,

like him long ago,

will triumph and rise

in a manner divine.

[journodale]

My other queer songs of 2024

A few weeks ago, I was asked by Xtra to choose my queer song of 2024, and after an agonizing decision, I arrived at VINCINT featuring Betty Who and “Love Me Tonight,” for the reasons in the Xtra piece.

But in coming up with my list, I also realise that I was spoiled for choice, something that is probably unique at this moment in queer history. And with so much choice, here are my other contenders.

Olly Alexander “Cupid’s Bow”

Alexander was the lead of Years & Years, before the bandmates fell away and it was just him, and when he competed for the UK in Eurovision, he did it under his own name. With a new album on the way, “Cupid’s Bow” was one of the singles leading up to the release. It’s catchy and Alexander has an infectious energy that feels like it gets more intense as his confidence grows with every album.

Bright Light Bright Light “Snap!” 

One of my favourite tracks from his album Enjoy Youth, artist Rod Thomas relied less on guest collaborations on this album than his previous, this harkens back to an eighties electro sound that is relentlessly fun, but the lyrics are also about self-realisation and coming into your own.

Ben Platt “Andrew”

Platt’s latest album, Honeymind, is very much an album about his being very much in love (as opposed to his debut being a definitive heartbreak album), but “Andrew” is also a chronicle of the rite of passage that pretty much every queer kid has gone through, with the crush on someone who will never reciprocate, and the line “It’s just a cruel joke that chemicals play” is life advice that every queer kid has to learn.

Will Youn “Midnight”

Young has been a queer mainstay in the UK for my whole adult life, and we are similar in age which is why this song hit so hard, about being a single gay man of a certain age, and wondering how much of the old single life is worth it. Did I mention that this song hit hard? Glad that someone is talking about it, and can make a catchy tune out of it in any case.

Lauv “Potential”

Lauv was an artist that always struck me as having something of a queer sensibility despite being ostensibly straight, so it was perhaps not a huge shock when he started talking about writing this song and that it was as he started to explore his sexuality, and developed feelings for a male friend, and this was essentially his first real exploration of those feelings. Nothing happened with that friend, but he still put this song out into the world, and it’s sweet and earnest.

Linkin Park “Over Each Other”

Hold up. Linkin Park? Queer? With the release of From Zero, the band chose Emily Armstrong as the new lead vocalist following the death of Chester Bennington several years ago, and Armstrong is a queer woman who is bringing that energy to the band as it progresses and evolves in its new form. And it’s great that they can use videos where she has a female love interest rather than airbrushing over that like so many bands with queer members have in the past. This was actually my runner-up for my queer song of the year, because I also really appreciated that this was a song with an actual narrative progression—that your frustration and anger with the person you’re closest to can blind you to what’s going on, and that you have the ability to change your trajectory, to start listening and empathising rather than just dwelling in that anger, and it’s a message a lot of people need to hear.

[castlebyersafterdark]

i just had a crazy thought about mike topping will for the first few times... its gonna hurt, and mike would never be comfortable hurting will :( do you think he'll resist doing it at first or request it to be the other way around (i never thought i'd entertain that as im always a mike top truther) and will would have to encourage him he wants to, or tell mike he's experimented a little himself so not to worry?

also these byler scenarios are so strange and fun to think of cos for anyone, even real people, there really is no bridge into being sexual without it feeling a little wild. like, remember the first time you were intimate with someone else, it always has this edge of feeling unreal because it is unlike anything else you do in life and now suddenly someone has a part of their body inside yours? or vice versa lol

like, the way humans just drop into this other mind state of sexuality (its genuinely a different brain wave state to everyday consciousness) and then snap out of the haze and be like 'i need a cigarette' or 'i need a crumpet' is always wild and thrilling to me lol

so for these nerdy boys i can only imagine the vibes! i reallylllllllyyyy hope we get something for s5 i will have so much more respect for the duffers if we do, esp if it's something theyve been building to since s2 and they just shrug like 'duh, it was always them' like BRO, my heroes actually

i just had a crazy thought about mike topping will for the first few times… its gonna hurt, and mike would never be comfortable hurting will :( do you think he'll resist doing it at first or request it to be the other way around (i never thought i'd entertain that as im always a mike top truther) and will would have to encourage him he wants to, or tell mike he's experimented a little himself so not to worry?

I don't think resist is exactly accurate, but I do see for them in a realistic trajectory of their relationship once established, they'd probably wait to go all the way. Taking it slow but it's not slow in the sense that their physical relationship is slow. There's a lot else to do. A lot to try. And a lot to navigate. Learning curve. Everyone is different, mileage may vary in regards to the whole spectrum of human sexuality.

Consider the era, their home lives, lack of knowledge. But, the desire would be so real. Once working through their communication issues in the beginning, they'll get there. Maybe Mike would be hesitant, acknowledging that he does really really want Will like that, and Will wants it, too, but maybe not really knowing what to do or how to talk about it, still working through mental hangups on what a relationship between two guys truly entails. They wouldn't have all the modern resources, part of it is instinctual but also isn't. Rumor and stigma and hormones and desire and internalization all wrapped up into the situation.

Also to note - people have been having sex for the entirety of human history, of course. Same-sex intercourse of some way or another has existed for so long, too. Different forms, different shapes. But you know people have been sucking dick and plowing ass. With lack of 'resources' and information and knowledge. So, it can be figured out, of course. Characterization and setting inform everything if you're aiming for realism. Just had to tangent a little!

I go back and forth on it, but currently I'd think Will would be the one here to tell Mike that he's ready for the next step. The thing that's wonderful about Mike and Will, even if Will is someone who others maybe baby a little too much, over protective, don't believe in him - Will's even said that Mike doesn't make him feel that way. Mike doesn't treat him like he's fragile. So, they'll get there. Nervous excitement. A lot of experimenting together to work up to having fully penetrative sex. And they're big saps, they'd want that first time to be special. I don't think they'd be the type to want to just 'get it over with' and rush into anything, even if maybe once they get there it could be a spontaneous moment still. Just one they've prepared for emotionally.

Yeah, it's probably going to be uncomfortable and they're not going to be great at it at first, but that's the joy with them having each other, the trust in figuring it out together. It's a nice dynamic to explore. Not... everyone gets that 😔 I love the wild really really spicy stuff of course, but my wistful romantic heart does also like to project this narrative for them as well. Their love is really great.

[femmefatalevibe]

hello! I love your blog and read your posts religiously. Your mature, compassionate and rational responses are always very encouraging and uplifting, and I wonder if you have any older sister advice, to a problem I face too often for my liking.

I really hate how many unwarranted, negative or passive-aggressive comments or digs I keep receiving from many of my coursemates; I routinely hear stuff like “your hair is soo fried”, “i didn’t know you were smart”, or “you’re rich and out of touch”, and it’s quite hurtful and totally untrue. I’m a very social person, and I take care of my appearance, so people like to stereotype me as pretty with no brains, even if i’m one of the best students in our course. I’m also as middle class as it gets, so pegging me as a delusional rich kid because I own a few nice things, is a big generalization. While I understand that a pretty girl who doesn’t speak poorly of herself might attract some attention, I always strive to be kind and uplifting, especially to the girls in my course. So to receive most of the mean comments from them, when we have no beef going on, is upsetting. I take pride in my academic achievements and the work I put in myself, so petty remarks don’t destroy my confidence, but it’s definitely painful! I talked about it with my therapist, and she suggested that it likely has more to do with them than it does with me; something along the lines of jealousy, or misplaced projection.

I also recently moved from another country, and have difficulty making friends, as the people here are typically northern, and very closed off and introverted (compared to loud and colorful Italians). So while in regular conditions I’d brush this off, now it just contributes to the overall feeling of rejection.

If you have made it this far, and have any advice on how to deal with unnecessarily mean behavior, without losing your spark, I’d greatly appreciate it! Thank you, and have a great day!! 🩷

Hi love! Thank you for your kind words and support. Means so much to me that this blog is a great resource for you <3

It sounds like you're doing great during your schooling years! Moving to a new country and switching schools (especially when you know no one) are difficult transitions. You seem to have a lot of resilience and a great work ethic & self-esteem. I agree with your therapist on this one – it's a them problem, not a you problem. Teenage girls can be cruel because we're all insecure and unsure about our decisions/how they will affect our life trajectories on some level (source: a former teenage girl).

Always remember: Other people's projections are a reflection of their personal circumstances combined with a lack of self-awareness and introspection.

The best approach to this situation, in my opinion, is to focus on your goals, how to make yourself feel happy & content with yourself (working towards your academic goals, indulging in your hobbies, prioritizing your health, self-care, etc.), and finding activities/clubs/interest groups where you can meet like-minded people. The more you like yourself, the more others will respect you, which either leaves you comfortable with yourself or comfortable with yourself alongside supporters of your success.

With that being said, learn their social norms, and study how they interact/their communication style. Mastering the art of communicating your uniqueness in a way that's culturally palatable can make a world of difference when it comes to integrating socially in a new community or country.

Focus on the aspects of your life that are in your control. Learn to let the rest go. A support system, especially during your school years, can come in many forms – from mentors, online social support, and activities outside of your academic chambers.

Hope this helps xx

[pennstateuniversitypress]

Q&A with Thomas M. Kitts

The author of Keep On Believin': The Life and Music of Richie Furay discusses Furay's place in rock music, how religion impacted his career, and more.

What makes Richie Furay a significant figure in rock music?

Furay is perhaps the foremost pioneer of country-rock. His vision to fuse the two genres started to take shape in Buffalo Springfield with “A Child’s Claim to Fame” off the band’s second album Buffalo Springfield Again (1967) and “Kind Woman” off the band’s final album Last Time Around (1968). As soon as Buffalo Springfield ended, Furay, along with Jim Messina, formed Poco, initially called Pogo, with the intention of fusing rock music with country. Poco featured a pedal steel guitar player in their lineup, one of the first rock bands, along with the Flying Burrito Brothers, to do so. At one point before they began recording, Poco and the Burritos, who featured Richie’s friend Gram Parsons, considered merging, but they decided the personnel decisions would have been too complex. You can hear Furay’s influence in artists like Pure Prairie League, Vince Gill, George Strait, Uncle Tupelo, and in much of the music today labeled as alt-country and outlaw country. From the stage, at one Eagles show in Denver, Glenn Frey saluted Furay, who was in the audience: “If it wasn’t for you, we wouldn’t be here.”

Did Furay's conversion to Christianity impact his career?

It is debatable and unmeasurable. Wayne Robins, editor of Creem from 1971–1975, did not think Furay’s Christianity hurt his career. “I don’t think anyone really cared about his religious convictions,” said Robins. “Everyone seemed to be a spiritual seeker of some sort.” But Peter Knobler, editor of Crawdaddy from 1972–1979, disagreed. “I think record companies didn’t know what to do with him.” Richie agrees with Knobler and believes his solo records after his conversion were not adequately promoted. In fact, David Geffen, who was a Furay fan and who signed Richie, told him, “You’re not going to give me any of that Jesus music, are you?” The resulting album featured veiled references to Christianity, but never used the words “Christ” or “Jesus” in the lyrics. I think Furay’s Christianity hurt his career. For a rock artist, especially in the early 1970s, it was important to be “hip” or “cool.” Even though there was a large Jesus movement among young people at the time, Christianity was not perceived as “cool” or “exotic” in the same way as other spiritual movements. Even though Furay recorded some wonderful songs on his solo albums from 1976 until 1982, they received little promotion and, consequently, little airplay. Songs like “Look at the Sun,” “I Still Have Dreams,” “Yellow Moon Rising,” and others deserved more attention and still do.

Why has Furay not reached the same level of fame as some of his bandmates?

Furay has certainly worked with some famous bandmates: Stephen Stills, Neil Young, Jim Messina of Loggins and Messina, Randy Meisner of the Eagles, J. D. Souther, Chris Hillman, and Timothy B. Schmit of the Eagles. What Richie and Poco needed in the late 1960s or 1970s was a hit single or a signature FM song. It would have changed his career trajectory. It would have brought attention to him and the album that featured the song—then listeners would have explored his back catalogue, which is very strong. Hit singles or, at that time, signature FM songs had a snowball effect. Besides gaining the artist larger record sales and larger concert audiences, the record company would invest more money into the artist’s next tour and album. A hit song changed an artist’s life and career. Furay and Poco had several candidates for hits: “A Good Feelin’ to Know,” “Let’s Dance,” “Just for Me and You,” and the song that gives this book its title, “Keep on Believin’.” But hit singles or signature songs are not easily manufactured and their success is unpredictable, arbitrary.

Keep On Believin': The Life and Music of Richie Furay is now available from Penn State University Press. Learn more and order the book here: https://www.psupress.org/books/titles/978-0-271-09523-3.html. Save 30% w/ discount code NR23.

[citynewsglobe]

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[darkmaga-returns]

Pepe Lives Matter

Oct 19, 2024

I just found out an alarming statistic showing that 49% of Evangelical Christians are claiming they are not going to vote in this election.

I am pleading for Christians to vote in this election.

This is appalling.

Christians are offended by Trump because he said a few bad words and his personality made them uncomfortable but when George Bush pretended to be a moral man while killing millions in the Middle East as a mass murderer, they were appeased. This is astonishing when you really break it down. The issue here is this: Many Christians don't realize that the people who are the most evil are the same exact ones pretending to be good, wholesome, and moral. But behind the scenes, they are beyond sick. You'd think they would be the ones to understand this given the Bible itself says that Satan appears as an angel of light. He doesn't always come to you and say, Yeah ‘I'm the bad guy and you must resist me.’ It's just mind-blowing to me that so many Christians can be spiritually dull to the war happening right in front of their eyes just because the mainstream media told them to hate Donald Trump. This is the same mainstream media that told them that the war in the Middle East was extremely moral (it massacred millions, never ended), that never asked a single question about Epstein Island, that covers up every sin the establishment makes without hesitation. It's no wonder they cannot see the Forest from the trees. They are being blinded to the truth. So Trump said a bad word or he didn't have the most moral life? So what? He took a bullet for this country, by a lone gunman whose origin the government is obviously covering up, the media persecuted him for years in a Russia collusion treason hoax, and he has put his life on the line to save the trajectory of this country. And if you've done extensive research like I and many people have these last eight years, he has been viciously fighting the sickest people I've ever had the displeasure of learning about. Trump is the bravest man I've witnessed and, to me, that is a moral characteristic worth a thousand fake politicians pretending to be on your side while secretly making deals, and backstabbing you behind the curtain. Courage is a character trait seldom found in today’s modern society, yet Trump has this in spades. I am appalled at how asleep the church can be if we have 49 percent of evangelicals not voting. These are the people who are supposed to believe in the spiritual forces of wickedness and God himself and yet they can't see that battle being waged right in front of their face because the corrupt politicians told them nice things and didn't send out a mean tweet. How can a Christian vote for unfettered abortion, and human sacrifice? It is unimaginable for someone who reads the verse in Jeremiah: I know the plans I have for you, I made you and formed you in the womb. And then vote for someone who wants sex changes for children and all you can access death. If it wasn't for Trump, Roe V Wade would have never even have fallen in the first place given he was able to implement Supreme Court Justices. But it's more than that. The people at the top of this system. They are telling you how nice they are while worshiping the very forces of darkness and 49% of Evangelical Christians do not seem to realize this.

If you expect all of the people God uses to be morally perfect, then you are gravely mistaken. It was David himself, who God said was a man after His own heart, who had many issues with women and flaws that held him down. Yet he was mighty, brave, and did spectacular things with God. I'm tired of Christians being so blind and I had to rant about this to someone. History is going to look fondly upon Donald Trump. He has been on a campaign to save this country from people so wicked, I don't even want to write down what kind of things they do in the dark here at this moment. So many of you already know the truth of this. But share this with an undecided Christian if you know one and perhaps it'll change their mind. You don't have to like Donald Trump's personality but you do need to wake up. I am pleading with the Christian population to vote and support the man who has been saving children like no President has in modern history.

Once you understand this, you cannot help but be moved. Please vote!

Added to Thread

Christians: We now know as a fact that Kamala Harris told rally goers who shouted, Jesus is Lord, that they were not welcome. This is a battle between good and evil. Wake up.

[cryptidsurveys]

Thursday, August 8th, 2024.

what form of communication did you last use to talk to the person you're currently interested in? I'm not romantically interested in anyone at this time.

if you were to leave the house right now, would you change your outfit all? Yeah. I did wear it to go grocery shopping earlier, but I will be showering and changing before going to lunch with my parents.

when was the last time something really cute happened to you? It didn't really happen to me exactly, but last Tuesday, the woman who adopted Sammy and Bella Donna (two kitties at the shelter) sent in a kitty gift package. The text on the envelope was so cute; it said, "To open, chew along the dotted lines." :') Gifts included some cat-safe long-lasting bubbles, a whole bunch of fuzzballs and these little plastic guns to shoot them, and these really cool misting brushes (you fill up the reservoir, turn them on, and they mist while you brush). Paris was going around giving all the cats "~secret baths~," lmao.

why aren't you texting the last person you kissed? They aren't part of my life.

has anything happened to you within the past month that's made you really happy? Again, this didn't happen to me as much as it was something I did, but becoming a full-time volunteer at the animal shelter. I'm amazed at how well my body is holding up to the oftentimes 10+ hour days. I pretty much already knew my mental health could handle it, but my physical abilities were the real question. At this point, in order to make the jump to being fully employed, I feel like all I really have to do is get my migraines under much better control.

do you want to see someone right now? Not right this second.

did a boy or girl text message you last? The last person to text me was my dad.

when was the last time something bothered you? Ehh. Something is almost always bothering me, at least on some level. Nothing major at the moment, though. Just vague fears, thoughts, frustrations…

what was the last thing you looked up on YouTube? I was watching a Zachary Michael video just before taking this survey. After a lengthy drought, Gorl World is experiencing a veritable flood of drama. I can hardly keep up!

have you held hands with anyone in the past 24 hours? No.

did the last guy/girl you kissed have any piercings? Yeah.

what exactly did you drink the last time you were intoxicated? I wasn't heavily intoxicated, but I had a few sample beers at the fundraising event I went to a couple of weeks ago.

do you actually love your parents? Yes. My dad is my favorite person in the whole world. My relationship with my mom is stable but still complicated, but I would say I love her as well.

have you ever had a school picture turn out absolutely dreadful? Naw. I might have hated them at the time, but looking back, there was absolutely nothing wrong with them.

are you more prone to being the social butterfly, or the wallflower? I'm more of a wallflower because I'm super shy and sometimes find it difficult to relate to other people because of my life's strange trajectory, but I think I'm a social person at heart. I was wondering the other day if it was possible to be both shy and an extrovert, and I realized those two things don't necessarily have to be mutually exclusive. I might not know how to open up to or connect with other people, but I still find myself energized by positive social interactions. Even though the animal shelter can be kind of crazy, it's still like this gives me LIFE.

would you rather go to a katy perry or taylor swift concert? Neither.

have you ever thrown up from working out? I've thrown up on backpacking trips. However, while physical exertion was obviously involved, it was probably more related to migraines/altitude sickness.

what pattern do the sheets on your bed have? They're just plain gray.

are your days full and fast-paced? Some of them are full, some are more in the middle, and my days off are pretty lowkey (those days typically only involve cleaning, grocery shopping, therapy, maybe a movie with my mom or a trip to the Mountain Park with my dad).

what languages can you count to ten or higher in? English and German.

where did you get the underwear you are wearing right now? Walmart.

are you good with painting nails with your left hand? I'm not good at painting my nails period.

do you feel uncomfortable sharing drinks with other people? Yeah. It just icks me out.

have you gone through a lot emotionally, or has life been easy thus far? I've been through it. Life is so much easier now and maybe that's why I can be so chill about so much. I felt like I was in hell before, so this is nothing in comparison.

have either of your grandparents ever told you a sexual joke? No.

do you spend more time outside or inside? Inside.

would you rather give up the computer or the tv? TV. I don't even watch regular television as it is.

do you own any fake designer purses? No.

who was the last person you were with that smelled really good? I'm not sure.

do you think braces are sexy? No. I don't think they're ugly, but I don't think they're attractive either.

what were you for halloween in first grade? I have no idea.

last person to make you seriously mad? Maybe my dad, but it's been a long time since I've been seriously upset with him.

don't you hate when people have cell phones but never answer them? Lol. I am that person. My phone is always set to silent (unless I'm actually expecting a call - then I'll turn up the volume so I don't miss it). It's one of the things I had to explain to my mom - like, aside from listening to YouTube videos, my phone is little more than an afterthought. I've had to get used to the notion that someone might actually try to contact me. A couple of weeks ago, it was an absolute miracle that I caught the text from Alex asking if I could come in to the shelter that afternoon to fill in while she took a cat to the vet.

who have you recently made up with after fighting? No one.

what kind of toothpaste do you use? I think it's Aim…idk.

last thing you bought at the grocery store? A bunch of stuff - including the doughnuts I wanted to get for tomorrow.

what were you doing this morning at 1am? Sleeping.

funniest name you have ever heard? Idk.

what could someone do to irritate you? Hmm.

have you used a tissue today? No.

the last person that slept in your bed gets arrested, what do you do? Nothing. I wouldn't even know about it.

what color hair does your mom have? Greying brown.

when people ask "how are you?" do you say "good" even if you aren't? Yep. Unless you're my dad or my therapist (and sometimes my mom), I'm always "good." ;D

honestly, did you really love the last person you said i love you to? Yeah.

when was the last time you were told you were cute? No idea.

how was your friday? Good. I was at the animal shelter all day.

when is the last time you were in a swimming pool? Not since I was a teen.

did you speak to your father today? Yeah.

what was the last thing you drank? Coffee.

is there anyone you want to come see you? No.

how did you wake up this morning? I just woke up naturally.

[gloomycrayon]

Blog entry 04, 19th of January 24’

Darkness

falls upon the land.

Have you ever really and I mean, really really, thought about nothing. And I mean really, really submerged in it, into the infinite lack of everything, into the void. Have you ever, even for just a second, grasped the concept of the end of time, not just humanity, but the solar system, the milky way, our entire universe. Each and every single star and every constellation. Even further than that, the end of every universe ever and whatever more there is to it, the lack of e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. When there will be no one there to perceive, but also nothing to be perceived, when time won’t and will never be again? Have you? Because sometimes, if I really, really concentrate and try very hard to, for just the glimpse of a second, I begin to understand. Naturally, given the limited capacities of the human brain, I loose hold of it immediately and yet for that very glimpse of a second, the weight of it suffocates me.

Is this what has been discretely dressed (elegantly masked) with the euphemism ‘eternity’ throughout history? Would it even be of sense to use a word which postulates the existence and presence of ‘time’ for an entity which, by all means, lacks it completely? I once heard someone explain that time is merely a conceptual word used to describe and explain the changing of things as we know, or, knew them. However, following up on this definition, it would make time something that exists outside of the human and animal (while in my opinion there is no difference) experience. Naturally there would be no one there to actually perceive the changing of things from how they were to how their ought to be but nonetheless, it would still occur. According to the 2nd law of thermodynamics in modern physics, matter enclosed in a system undisturbed by impact of energy will always strive for higher entropy, meaning, the greater chaos. To live is to oppose this. We, as living beings, have been soldiers in an ongoing war against the greater chaos ever since the birth of the first life form 3,8 billion years ago and every day since then, we have won. Nevertheless, this is unimportant. As I said in the beginning, eternity experiences an utter lack of time, as it encapsulates the ceasing of both matter and light (energy). Change will not occur, as there is nothing to be changed, thus, time looses its meaning. This is a greater question than the question of death. However they share one very important quality: Both will, inevitably, occur. One to us, one to, well, everything.

Maybe this is the point and thereby final trajectory of this entry. We have to remember the doom of the universe: Eternity. This idea might already be familiar to you, but it is important to note that we are only able to grasp ideological concepts by the existence of their counterparts. We only understand presence because we have experienced lack, we only know to love because we have learned to hate, and we know to admire beauty because we have defined ugliness. I say this because if you have never allowed yourself to (even just for the glimpse of a second) grasp ‘Darkness’, how are you to cherish Light?

The monotony of life: the 4 walls of a living room, the dirty black windows of an old tube, empty coffee cups. Always the same, rigid, old routine. It is as though urbanisation and industrialisation have led us to forget an ancient song intrinsic to us, the lullaby Existence used to sing us to sleep to all but 3,8 billion years ago.

The entity i attempted to introduce you to in the beginning lacks both energy and matter. Lacks anything, everything really. And yet that is why we need it so desperately, that is the reason we mustn’t forget it. Because if we do not realise eternity, we fail to grasp existence, and the wonders of our world remain all but a mundane standard, all but simply there. Always have and always will be. Life will pass us by without meaning and we will never realise that wonders beyond our wildest imagination were right in front and within us the entire time. A single grain of sand holds the universe within its shell.

In its imperial mortality, all the universe asks of us in our mortality is to look at it. To see it, live it, marvel at its burning glory before it ceases from existence for evermore, just as we will to follow.

Love, A.l.

[seasideretreat]

The incredibleness of sheer life

This constant work, the typing, is a category of writing, but it is situated on a certain mathematical trajectory, that few of us can really apprehend. Surely, I feel it is easier to write on a computer than it is to write by hand, but in the vast totality of things, this cannot be true, because all writing is equal in terms of activity; and then there is mathematics. Mathematics is surely an affair of activity: it strains us and stresses us, and drives us into a certain area of work that makes us slowly disintegrate or dissipate. But there is plenty of work to be done. It all matters. Thinking, no matter whether it is written down or typed out or whatever, puts a strain, or suspension, on the human condition, same as everything. And in this wise, we are situated in a constant of things that gives us the need to continue down the path of sheer normality, which is just a contour of the endless cascade of sheer work; and because of all that, the train of thought continues down manifold stations, and it never stops until it is too late. And that too is a consequence of technology, but we are not concerned with technology for manifold clear reasons. I am confident that the things we do are necessary, but the work we put in is relative, and something may be lacking in the vast totality of sheer work. And we can do so many things: I really believe the world is a constant totality that is filled with an infinite amount of wonders. And in this wise, we become totally aware of the good things in life. And I enjoy typing: it is just a bliss to see words form on paper that will never dissipate, but actually it seems that we will never remember them. And that is the real shame of writing these days. That no one will remember it.

The thing is that everybody is aware of the growing influence of writing in the common sensical arena. More and more, we are made aware that a select few harnessed the power of sheer writing, and in this wise they are capable of creating the most magnificent things, just like in the old days, those trained in the rhetoric would hold the most flashing orations. Fact is, I don't even like typing all that much. I'd rather write for real. I'd rather have that surety of expression and movement that relies on the proper heart of a real orator. Yet in this world there are no real things; we have to produce, there has to be quickness, and there is no time for non-mathemetical occupation, even though I so very much am occupied when I do the work for writing, indeed, when I surely write for there is much lacking in the progress of typing, but I do not believe in typing, the grand truth is that this is writing too, it just doesn't feel like it, for I can write by hand and be entirely confident. And in the good old days the orators would probably write out some speeches by hand and then learn in by heart or some such thing, and that is indeed all explicitly glorious and beautiful, but nobody really knows these things. And we are stuck in the madness of sheer writing; I mean, certainly, I could write a whole piece like this and write superbly, but it would never be effortless, because writing like this is certainly easier, but is there any point to it? And you wonder, is it really easier? Or am just postponing - deferring? - some terrific consequence or situation? Yet this is all posturing and gesticulating. There is no automatic truth in this vast totality, and surely my writing doesn't actually improve if I try harder, but the thing is, I do get more surety in the process that way. In fact, I know how to write, but I do not know how to type, foolish as that statement surely is, because I am a pretty decent typist in terms of speed. That's why I didn't think about this one speech. Or, if I did think, I did not "WRITE". Whatever that means. I am sad about it. You know, you really need looseness, casualness in expression, and I am inclined to think that I do not really have that at this point in time. I mean, typing is a mad adventure that does so little to improve our lives. It is certainly the world's worst skill. I'd rather write something good, but I have to philosophize, right? That's why I am doing this.

At least I have a choice. I could write by hand and all that and it would be good. In fact all writing is thinking, just like all reading is thinking. Yet in this grand totality we do not make a hard-hitting response; there ain't no consistency in the vastness of writing-by-typing, which is not an actual situation, in fact, it is just a predicament, but it is of no concern, because we are not concerned with anything in particular right now: in fact I don't even want to type. I'd be better off writing something by hand or anything like that, but I am too tired and yet there needs to be writing on the internet, there has to be a blog. I am saving time, and this is possibly the thing that yields the most confusions, the most psychoses in a transitory, liminal life. But the essences of sheer transcendentality are stuck in the vastness of space and time; and we are aware of the limitations of writing and speaking; and we are aware of speaking and writing, in fact, we try to free ourselves from the limit of writing that lies in the act of typing, because there is only going to be typing in some version of the future, which is not important: in fact, we would be thinking and typing all day long, and that would be quite glorious. I mean, you can think about anything, and that's the nasty thing about life. We don't wanna do more work than necessary. In fact, we just desire to be lazy about these common place things. And there is certainly reward to be had in the act of typing, which is a thing that we like; and I am thinking about it right now, because that's how the sad human mind works, it can't let things slide, but has to give significance to every whim that it has. So I write about typing, sad as it is, even as I liberate myself from the defunct Derridean paradigm, which is just a silly collection of confused statements from someone who knew how to write but didn't actually write, or something. We don't know. Be that as it may, we can do many good things. And there is much to be gained in the process of being yourself. the process of being good. And I want to write, I really do, but it is all just too hard. It can't be made real somehow. We just don't do anything consistent. There ain't any real connection to the totality of normal acts. I would be better if I had thought about this, but I know that I can do this, so I just continue down this path. If your brain could instantly bring swathes of text into existence, you would do it, even if it didn't quite connect to the act of writing, which was your actual promise. The multiplicity of languages and so on and so forth. In fact, that's how it all began. Derrida decided that an event might have occured or whatever. And he wrote something, I reckon on his typewrite, and it was all some marevelous discovery, and when the computers came he was even more thrilled. And this was the endless story of the Derridean moment, that had nothing to do with anything, yet somehow made so many miracles possible. And that's the long story of how a man can waste time. In fact, I just wanted to write something good, but I do not have the patience for it.

[selormohene]

day 13 (sunday, july 16th 2023)

On learning and understanding math, and “being a math person”. I learned to read, so my family tells me, when I was 3. I’ve been reading ever since. Not in the trivial sense that since then I’ve enjoyed reading books, although of course I have, but in the literal sense that I’ve literally probably not gone more than a few waking hours at almost any point in my life without interpreting text of some kind. Whenever I hear someone say something and visualise the words as text in my mind, or have to follow a road sign or look something up on Google Maps or whatever, really, I’m reading, working out those parts of my brain. In fact, it’s gotten to the point (as it does for most literate adults, of course) where I read compulsively; there is almost nothing I can do to avoid interpreting sequences of letters arranged to form English words as the English words they are arranged to form. Moreover, with the amount of extra effort I’ve put into language-related pursuits (writing short stories and essays since I was a child, learning how to read and wrestle with ever-more-complicated books and papers and making the effort to think on similar levels of complexity), I’ve taken my ability to engage with language pretty far.

Obviously, the same isn’t true for math. Unlike Terence Tao, who I’m told was doing addition at the age of 2, and has probably been doing math ever since, and whose intellectual trajectory may well have made him one of the few people alive (or throughout history, honestly) to whom math probably comes as naturally as language does to everyone else, I don’t think I started doing math at such a young age, and I haven’t had the same amount of compounded stimulus and effort (basically the same reinforcement learning regime) as he has. Most people haven’t. The point isn’t that if I (or anyone else) had had the same experience we would have reached the same level; we would have had, for instance, to have the special sauce that enables you to be able to do addition at the age of 2. But I do wonder whether it might not just be the case that if many of us had had the same amount of mathematical stimulus, from the same age, as we did with respect to language, we might not all have had, if not the same level of facility for math as someone like Terence Tao, at least a facility for math at a level comparable to even the most ordinary civilian’s facility with language.

Obviously this is a completely unworkable proposal. Plus the poverty of stimulus argument for an innate language faculty would suggest that the innateness of the language faculty is in fact what’s doing a lot of the work here. (Although the mathematical stimulus that children receive is of course orders of magnitude less, and when our mathematical faculties do get off the ground we aren’t solving thousands of tiny math problems every time our eyes fall upon a set of symbols, etc. Plus the co-evolution of linguistic faculties with linguistic activity would have played a role, but the relevant counterfactual would require that we be able to carry out all the things that we’ve been able to do with language with math instead, in order to stimulate the same amount of co-evolution, etc.) But what this thought experiment does suggest, at least to me, is that the notion that there is this innate mathematical faculty that some people have and others don’t doesn’t make sense. Obviously some people just “catch on to” certain things more easily. But I genuinely believe that many of the people who believe in such an innate faculty either haven’t actually had the opportunity to reflect on what generates mathematical understanding, perhaps because they don’t have that much of it, or else the contexts in which they have reflected on such understanding hasn’t necessarily involved thinking very much about the conditions which underlie such understanding, and so hasn’t necessarily left open as plausible the idea that those conditions might be relatively mundane.

When I think about my understanding of math, both at primary school and university levels, I don’t think of an innate faculty for accessing higher realms of truth which some people have and others don’t. For one thing, I’d be shocked if I had such a thing at a relative proportion commensurate with the relative level of achievement and/or understanding of math (and/or “potential” for such understanding) I’ve managed to achieve (which I’m not claiming is exceptionally high or anything). Rather, I remember not understanding how algebra and multiplication worked in second grade, and having no idea what long division was all about in third grade, and then eventually coming to understand those things. What caused me to understand those things eventually, when I did, was an unexceptional assemblage of everyday cognitive faculties, repurposed in non-obvious ways: an ability to engage in associative thinking, a motley of mnemonics and metaphors, a healthy dose of memorisation and repetition to automate the lower-level prerequisites for higher-level understanding, exploring different perspectives on an issue to find the ones which resonated with me in particular, which made things click for me, seeing things a bunch of times until the idea sunk in, sleeping on things and trusting my mechanisms of neural self-organisation (and/or, at a different level of description, your “unconscious”) to figure things out for me. The sorts of mental images and things by which I’m able to remember how matrix multiplication works, for instance (and some of them are rather whimsical and silly, they feel like the sorts of things a two-year-old daydreaming would come up with), feel just like those by which I’m able to get some grasp on how abstract tensor products work. When I think about those people on YouTube who do creative visualisations of mathematical ideas and there are people in the comments saying “ooh wow this makes it so intuitive” this shows that really it’s that sort of aesthetic understanding that underlies the ability of a wider range of people to understand mathematics than is generally believed. It’s just that some people more immediately see mathematical concepts in the sort of aesthetic perspective in question than others.

I remember reading a tweet by Frank Lantz (or retweeted by him?) which said that memorisation isn’t opposed to understanding (in mathematics?) but a prerequisite for it. That one tweet changed my perspective on learning math and probably my entire life. Crystallised intelligence is the basis upon which fluid intelligence works. How can you solve an algebra problem in your head if you have to figure out how multiplication works from scratch? Obviously at some point the multiplication has to be hard-coded into your head before you can even dream of doing algebra creatively. The ability to do that isn’t really a matter of some mystical faculty of understanding. It’s a matter of have you memorised your times table.

I’ve always said that math is like a large tower of blocks stacked on top of each other. In order for the higher bricks to stand any chance of actually staying on the tower, the lower-level bricks essentially need to have been stacked perfectly. So small, perhaps even minuscule (and usually perfectly fixable) differences in people’s mastery of lower-level concepts will compound, and lead to large differences in people’s ability to learn further concepts, but not because of large differences in one’s inherent potential to grasp those further concepts. I can’t count how many times the reason I just couldn’t get some “advanced” concept was because my understanding of a more elementary component concept was less-than-perfect, but understanding that elementary component perfectly was easy and subsequently understanding the higher-level concept was easy. In the moment it seems impossible, but once you do understand it, it becomes obvious. It’s like trying to jam a key into a slot at a slight angle. The moment you find the right angle it slides in perfectly. A lot of this is just a matter of explaining the phenomena, but many of the phenomena in question — for instance, the fact that things which seem impossible to understand when you’re trying to do so come to seem obvious once you’ve seen them, the best explanation for which is that it’s a matter of finding the right way to make the understanding go through rather than a question of whether or not one can or cannot ultimately come to understand the phenomenon in question — don’t show up to most people who are trying to explain how learning math works as phenomena to be accounted for.

The culture of genius partly accounts for this issue. If you’re surrounded by people you don’t need to make any effort to teach, you come to believe that it should never require any effort, you either have it or you don’t. But maybe I’ll elaborate on that later, maybe tomorrow.