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phoenixfeathersinfall · 1 day ago
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I was intrigued by the idea of Dr. NerdLove and his "advice column for bros" approach, so I decided to check it out and folks....This is so good. Context: In my job, I offer one-on-one coaching to adolescents and young adults who have disabilities to help them meet their goals and transition into adult life/build skills for adulthood. Most of my students right now are young college-aged men (some of whom are in school and some of whom work.) One of the big things I do with them is helping to build and maintain social networks: MAKING FRIENDS!!!! Many of my students are lonely! For some of them, the social networks very much include wanting a partner. They ask me for advice about (usually heterosexual) romantic relationships. As a queer woman who's not much older than them (which is to say, not much relationship experience) I often struggle to know how to answer their questions. I just don't know what it looks like from their point of view. So, I thought something like this might be helpful to point them to. I'm not in the demographic the column is reaching to, but I did grow up in several friend groups where I was one of the only girls, and I had friends who got onto the early stages of that Gamergate/alpha male/incel pipeline. I'm an amateur anthropologist by degree, which means I learned a lot of stuff about how cultures and societies work, how to interview people about complex social problems, and how to make things more equitable for communities that need it. I read and see the same news as the rest of you. I work as a camp counselor for middle and high schoolers in the summers. All of which leads me to reaffirm for you: Our boys are not okay. A scary high number of them are getting exposed to online communities that are misinformed at best and predatory at worst, and they lack the experience to know how to counteract that. The election results are going to be like pouring gasoline on a fire.
Enter Dr. NerdLove. Harris O'Malley tells young men things they need to know and start to internalize, and he does it in a way that is relatable to them, compassionate, and humorous. One of my favorite articles is "What Men Really Need," In it, he talks about the social isolation many men face, how they struggle to get support and connection from their male friends in emotionally fulfilling ways, and how that's devastating for everyone. He also tells them how to be a better friend and change the dynamic.
In other articles, he explains the importance of building confidence, self-care, how to overcome feeling awkward, that looks aren't everything. (again, all in terms a boy who's been lurking around on certain Reddits would understand.) He makes a point to explain what some of the risks of dating and relationships are for women (and how history informs that.)
And yes. He's saying the quiet part out loud (linked text is a news source.)
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This is going to help me be better equipped to help my students with something really important to them. I think it's also going to be a protective, positive force for a lot of boys who need it.
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I couldn't have said it better myself.
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phantom-chirp · 13 hours ago
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Something I think about a lot with Maruki's perfect reality thing in terms of Akechi is how like, defanged he is for lack of a better term. I know Maruki's actual reasoning for things like that is just that his perfect reality removes a lot of the trauma from people, so they would inherently act differently, but to me it ends up just pushing the idea of "you can't be happy the way that you are"
It's reflected in a lot of the characters honestly, since a lot of their trauma didn't happen or is covered up by the reality none of them are themselves. Aspects of their personality caused by the hardships they faced no longer exist
Sumire is also a big example of this. I could talk a lot about Sumire but in relation to this topic, again her perfect reality being one where she is not herself (literally) and doesn't have any of the past trauma or experiences that made her who Sumire is just pushes that idea even more, not even getting into how it also reinforces her own negative ideas about herself by Maruki doing that
In the perfect reality, Akechi and Sumire are both different people than who they actually are, so it's really not a reality in which they are happy, is it? "You're too broken of a person to ever be happy while being who you are" is the message that gets sent across to me, whether or not Maruki intended that
Sumire is Kasumi now, a happy and determined person who isn't bitter and angry and overwhelmed with grief about the death of her sister, a person who doesn't hate herself and a person who doesn't have those experiences. Someone who now never has the chance to explore who she really is and grow and face her struggles head on, someone who will never get to learn that she is worth more than she grew up believing, replaced by the sister who she always felt was better then her
Akechi is now a cheerful and kind person, a reflection of his Detective Prince act, who is no longer resentful and lonely, no longer traumatized from all the actions he had to take throughout his life and someone who could've found happiness if he just had more time. Someone who had people who accepted the parts of him that would make most view him as unworthy of affection, the less palatable person who longed for someone to want him, as he is, replaced by a version of him that's seen as easier to love
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certifiedsexed · 14 hours ago
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hey there! i don’t mean this in bad faith at all, and i’m not trying to use a term that’s a fascist dogwhistle. i promise i’m just confused😭
so i’m not a guy, nor have i ever been perceived as one, but in one of your recent posts, you said that men can’t experience oppression solely based on the fact that they’re men. which was kind of confusing to me — i don’t think you’re wrong, i think it’s me but i don’t know how to get to how you see it like that.
because in my experience, men can experience oppression because they’re men, although i don’t know if i’m saying that right or conflating the meanings of certain terms. i’m probably wrong, and would just love some clarification?
for example, my brother and i were always held to different standards growing up — it was expected of me to always cry and be emotional, and i was a ‘stone cold bitch’ if that wasn’t the case, but if my brother wanted to show negative emotions like sadness he was treated like there was something wrong with him too. and i know it wasn’t my brother — i spend a lot of time working with my high school’s diversity team, and in a lot of the events we organise, guys talk about how they feel enormous pressure to be angry and never sad, and to have stereotypically masculine interests and never deviate from that norm.
i also know men who’ve struggled to get jobs such as teaching as those are viewed as ‘female’ jobs and it’s a common view that men who want those jobs are ‘only in it to be around kids’. i’ve heard many women around me perpetuate sentiments like that, so i know they’re not making it up, even if it isn’t equal to the systematic oppression women face in almost every aspect of their careers.
i’m not providing these examples to prove you wrong, since i do think you’re right. i’m hoping that a window into the way i’ve always thought might help you clarify this in a way that can help me to change my mind, since i just think i’m lacking some clarity or context here. i think i’m conflating abuse and stereotypes with oppression, but i’m really not sure. any advice would be really appreciated!
i’m so sorry if this comes off badly, i don’t mean it that way. i’m just trying to learn, i promise i’m not trying to promote the kind of hate and close mindedness you’ve been seeing in your inbox as of late.
Hi! As always, I do not mind answering genuine questions!
The things you're talking about growing up and seeing boys around you pressured to present only certain emotions, that's part of the patriarchy!
Certain emotions are supposed to be "feminine" and thus boys shouldn't show them, while girls are often always considered "emotional" in some fashion. That's not oppression based on those boys being men that you're talking about.
It's the backlash that the patriarchy, and by addition trans/misogyny has on men. It's boys being pressured not to show certain emotions because those emotions are "feminine" and they're supposed to associate feminimity with weakness and shit.
What you're talking about there is also trans/misogyny!
The idea that men who do things perceived as feminine are predators, the idea that specific jobs are "female" jobs [while even in those specific female jobs, men are generally paid better and find it easier to get into those jobs than women trying to get into traditionally "male" jobs"]
[Though obviously this varies based on race and whether they're trans, etc, etc.]
To be a little more clear, all of the things you're talking about don't primarily affect cis men/boys. They fuck up transfems, because it's trans/misogyny.
You're right! It's not systemic oppression.
You might wonder if it's social oppression, which is also a no. Social oppression would require a historical/systemic oppression behind it. But that doesn't exist in this case.
What it is is the common issue oppressors run into. While they benefit greatly from oppression, there is also backlash they face from their own systems of oppression.
Like white people who fall into suicide cults trying to work towards white supremacy, or TERFs who fall into groups where they slowly pick each other off as they discover they're not all exactly the same and wind up accusing each other of not being "real" women, systems of bigotry simply do not work out perfectly even for the oppressors.
They never do.
To create the patriarchy, you must establish trans/misogyny, you must establish intersexism and you must push people to conform to those ideals, even if they hurt your own.
It's similar to how white supremacy can harm white people, despite white people obviously not being oppressed racially. The backlash of oppression hits even the oppressors sometimes.
Suppression, as a term, would honestly work far better to describe what you're talking about.
So yes, it's stereotyping, yes it's abusive to tell your children not to show/feel their emotions but it's not oppression based on these guys in your life being men! It's part of how trans/misogyny, transphobia and intersexism are enforced.
I understand exactly where you're coming from! It doesn't sound bad and I genuinely don't mind answering questions! Especially since you've got some good ones!
I'm not sure if I rambled too much to explain this properly but I hope this helps! Let me know if you have any other questions and/or need me to clarify anything here. <33
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ladykailitha · 2 days ago
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Around the World Part 8
Hey guys!!! Just one more chapter to go!! Next Sunday will be the epilogue and I will post it Sunday and Tuesday and it'll be all done. It's honestly a little sad for me to see this little universe go. I loved playing in its sandbox and I am grateful to have gotten three stories out it. Will I return? Maybe, but right now, it has run its course.
In this we have Eddie fucking up and making up for it and we see the start of a blossoming romance that will take awhile to come to fruition.
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7
~
Eddie paid a gondolier in Venice to dress up in Carnivale gear and ferry them through the city with their own costumes and masks. Murray opted to sit that one out as there was no way that anyone would recognize Eddie in the Harlequin getup he wore. Steve wore the white baggy outfit of Pulcinella while Robin and Chrissy dressed as the lovers, in fancy dresses and fitted clothes.
Eddie had wanted Steve to Colombina or even a male version Colombo. But Steve was still worried someone might recognize them. He was drawn in on himself during that river trip, with not even the antics of Robin as the male lover and Eddie as Harlequin drawing him out of his shell.
He handled the mask he was wearing better than his peers, having been used to singing and dancing with one on. When they removed theirs, laughing and talking rapidly, they were covered in sweat and smeared makeup.
Steve had sweat on his temples but was otherwise unscathed.
“You know,” Chrissy huffed, putting her hands on the flared skirt of her costume, “you could have share your tricks with us before leaving the hotel.”
Steve cracked a smile for the first time that evening. “Unless you can suddenly have three years of performing in a mask under your belt, I really don’t think my advice would help.”
Robin opened her mouth to protest, but Eddie grabbed Steve’s wrist and ran off with him. The girls started to give chase, but Murray stepped up to stop them.
He shook his head. “Just let them go. I think Steve is feeling a little morose having to wear a mask on his vacation away from being masked all the time.”
Chrissy and Robin shared opened-mouth glances of shock. No one had stopped to ask Steve if he was okay with the costumes and the masks.
“But he could have gone as Colombina or Colombo or whatever,” Robin protested. “That character doesn’t wear a mask.”
“But the rest of you were.”
“Oh.” Chrissy sat down hard on a nearby bench and Robin followed suit. Typically the lovers don’t wear masks but they all thought it would be a fun idea to wear Venetian masks on the gondola. Well most of them.
And then add to the fact that Steve picked someone who wore shapeless garments? Yeah, they fucked up.
Hard.
~
Steve could barely keep his feet under him as Eddie shoved him into a nook away from prying eyes.
“I fucked up,” Eddie hissed as soon as he was sure they were safe from view. “I couldn’t be here during Carnivale and wanted to experience the costumes and the masks and thrill of a river ride at night. But I didn’t ask you. I assumed you’d be fine despite everything screaming that you weren’t. You even tried to ask to do something else, but everyone else wanted to do it and my kindhearted sweetheart would never disappoint his soulmate, never mind his boyfriend so you went along with it.”
Eddie took his face in his hands. “I’m sorry Stevie. I’m so sorry. This was supposed to be romantic and I fucked up.”
Steve’s lower lip began to quiver. “I should have been more vocal about why I didn’t want to do it.”
Eddie pressed their foreheads together. “No you shouldn’t have. You don’t owe us an explanation of why you don’t want to do something. Okay?”
Steve nodded.
Eddie lifted his head and pressed their lips together. “I love you, baby.”
~
Rome was better than Venice in every way imaginable.
For starters, no masks.
For another, they happened to be there when Simon was.
Well, okay that was better for Steve, not so much Eddie. It was a feeling that was just so hard to shake. He knew that Simon was straight. He knew that Steve loved only him, but he felt his stomach drop the second he saw that stupidly buff Adonis leaning against the Key bridge, like he was waiting for Steve to share a lock with, not Eddie.
He tried to tramp down on the feelings of jealousy as Robin and Steve ran up to Simon and were hugging and laughing with him.
Chrissy put her hand on his elbow. “Down, boy.”
Eddie turned to her, bristling but when he looked at her, she was pointing to a bench not too far away from the bridge.
Eddie’s salvation. With bright red hair, green eyes, and cute freckles on her face. Vickie Cameron.
It didn’t appear that she was aware of the reunion going on literally twenty feet from where she chose to read.
A grin spread out over Eddie’s face. He licked his lips slowly and did his little loping walk/run over to Vickie.
“Well hey there, stranger,” he said brightly. “Fancy meeting you here. You here for business or pleasure?”
Vickie looked up and smiled just as brightly. “Eddie? Oh my gosh! It’s great to see you!” She leapt to her feet to give him a hug. “It’s a little of both actually.”
“How are you doing?” Eddie asked with a fond smile. Despite his current mission, he really did like his new agent.
She waved her hand back and forth. “Eh. I’ve been keeping up on things and they’ve really been quiet. The new looks have really gone a long way to keeping a low profile. Boston notwithstanding.”
Eddie winced. Boston was still a sore spot of their trip.
She picked at his lapel, running it between her finger and thumb. “I’m really digging the pink suit and shirt. It looks good on you.”
Eddie grinned back. “That’s all Stevie. Speak of whom, would you do me a favor, light of my eyes?”
Vickie snorted. “I thought that was Steve but go on.”
“Do you see that beautiful hunk of a straight man next to my heart of hearts?” he asked, pointing over at Simon.
“Ah.”
“Yeah,” Eddie said, grimacing. “You see I have this very romantic evening planned and that bronze Adonis will absolutely derail all my best laid plans.”
“Consider it done,” Vickie said with a smile. “Lead on, MacDuff.”
Eddie loped back over to the others. “While you were admiring the statues, you missed a beautiful rose in bloom.” He moved to the side. “Look who I found!”
“Vickie!” Robin squealed and threw her arms around the other woman.
Then it was Chrissy’s turn to bristle.
“Down, girl,” Eddie teased. “I have a plan. Your little bird is safe, I promise.”
Simon lit up too. “Vickie! Imagine meeting you here.”
Chrissy’s mouth formed an O. She pursed her lips and ducked her head, slyly looking at the painfully shy guitarist. So that’s the plan then, she thought. Three couples.
Steve was torn. He liked Simon and loved hanging out with the guy, but Rome was supposed to make up for the disastrous Venice.
“I have an idea!” Chrissy said, coming to the rescue, her manager senses tingling. “Why don’t Robin and I take Vickie and Simon out to dinner so that Eddie and Steve can still have their night and then we’ll all meet up for breakfast.”
Simon readily agreed. “We’ll meet at the Fontanella degli Innamorati at, say, 9am?”
Steve looked to Robin to translate.
“The Fountain of Love.”
Steve nodded. “Sounds good. You four have fun!” He grabbed Eddie’s wrist and tore off the opposite direction.
Eddie followed behind, laughing. He really didn’t have anything to worry about. Steve would chose him every time unless it was an emergency.
~
Eddie and Steve had a wonderful candlelit dinner and moonlit walk of the city. The walked to the Key Bridge and Eddie pulled out an antique lock with their initials engraved on the back. He held it out to Steve with the key.
“Did you want to do the honors?”
Steve smiled and took them both from him. He looked up and down the bridge looking for a good spot, Eddie watching with a fond smile. Finally Steve called Eureka! and Eddie made his way over. Near the middle, toward the top, Steve snapped their lock into place.
He handed the key back to Eddie. “I placed it, I think you should throw away the key.”
Eddie grinned. “Sounds fair.” He took the key and chucked it as far as he could. It landed in the water with a soft plunk!
Then he got got down on one knee and held out a small velvet box. Steve’s hands went to cover his mouth as he fought back tears.
“I know we can’t do rings because Abbadon doesn’t wear them,” Eddie began, “but he does wear other jewelry.” He opened the box and inside was a single charm on a delicate chain. It was a guitar. He pulled out a similar chain from under his shirt. It was a pair of wings. He pulled up his shirt sleeve to show that the tattoo had been altered too.
Steve looked down at the white wings in confusion.
“After Venice,” he continued, “I realized that you aren’t your mask, Stevie. You’re the wings. The way you fly is incandescent. So I had it changed to wings so that I will always remember that if I fall you will catch me.”
Tears started flowing down Steve’s cheeks. “I love you so much.”
“Will you marry me?” Eddie asked. “We don’t have to get married right away but–”
Steve pulled him to his feet and kissed him soundly. “Of course yes!! A million times yes.”
~
The next morning they all meet for breakfast and Steve and Eddie shared the news.
Simon smiled. “About time!” he said nudging Eddie shoulder playfully. “I was starting to think I was going to have to give you the shovel talk if you didn’t ask him on this trip.”
Eddie blushed.
They walked back to the Fountain of Love and there was a beautiful older woman there in a white dress and large brimmed hat, dipping her fingers into the pool and splashing any pigeons that got too close.
She looked up at the six of them and smiled. “A coin for the fountain, dearies? To ensure true love?”
Simon and the all the ladies hastened to get out a Euro or two for the fountain. She turned to Eddie and Steve.
“Is love too good for you gentlemen?” she teased.
“No ma’am,” Steve said softly, looking up at Eddie. “I just already have it.”
Her face transformed into a brilliant smile. “Aww, young love. Well then perhaps an offering to the fountain as thanks for your good fortune?”
Eddie and Steve shared a glance and then Eddie dug into his pocket. He handed Steve a Euro and they both tossed in their coin.
“Thank you,” she murmured and then looked over at Simon and Vickie laughing together. “How long do you think it will take the other young man to realize the lady is his true love?”
Eddie chuckled. “Well it took Steve and me a decade and they’re way smarter than us. So half that maybe. Five years give or take?”
The woman nodded solemnly. “I fear you maybe right. But they’ll get there.”
A flock of pigeons took to the air and when they had gone, so too, had the woman.
“Stevie?” Eddie asked anxiously. “Did we talk to another spirit?”
Steve pressed his lips together and nodded wide-eyed, rocking back on his heels.”Yep!”
“I hope that was some ghostie,” Eddie said with a grimace, “and not actually a god.”
“Same.”
~
Narrator voice: Just Venus, blessing our boys. Nothing to see here, move along.
Tag List:
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2- @gregre369 ​@a-little-unsteddie @chaosgremlinmunson @messrs-weasley @val-from-lawrence
3- @goodolefashionedloverboi @carlyv @wonderland-girl143-blog @irregular-child @blondie1006
4- @yikes-a-bee @bookworm0690 @anne-bennett-cosplayer @awkwardgravity1 @littlewildflowerkitten
5- @genderless-spoon @y4r3luv @dragonmama76 @ellietheasexylibrarian @thedragonsaunt
6- @disrespectedgoatman @dawners @thespaceantwhowrites @tinyplanet95 @garden-of-gay
7- @iamthehybrid @croatoan-like-its-hot @papergrenade @cryptid-system @counting-dollars-counting-stars
8- @ravenfrog @w1ll0wtr33 @child-of-cthulhu @kultiras @dreamercec
9- @machete-inventory-manager @useless-nb-bisexual @stripey82 @dotdot-wierdlife @kal-ology
10- @sadisticaltarts @urkadop @chameleonhair @clockworkballerina
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leonawriter · 21 hours ago
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Thinking about the engine room again, and how the difference between Akechi living (wanting to live) and dying (being satisfied with this sort of end) isn't how invested he is in Joker, but how invested Joker is in him.
Although he instigated the confidant, and although in vanilla he constantly kept seeking Akira out, it's only in Royal's max confidant that he has the impetus to fight back.
Simple thing, right?
Because the reason is even stated earlier in the same scene, that Akechi would do "[anything] just so someone would want me around!" - so if he hasn't put the effort into creating a two-sided bond with Akira before this, he feels that this need is never going to be fulfilled, and effectively that no matter how much he himself wants anyone else, no one will care about him enough for his continued life to matter.
What keeps him around, gives him the will to fight and endure on, is quite literally the promise Akira makes him. That "I'll hold onto your glove" isn't just asking for a rematch, or the "no, don't go!" that in their situation wouldn't be weird; it's the culmination of their bond expressed like that, in a way that gets Akechi to realise that someone really does want him around the same way (better than, even) he'd been searching for in all the wrong places up to then.
It's down to Akechi asking for Akira's number, Akira keeping on meeting up, and neither of them giving up on the other even when it might have been easy to. I think it's important, really, that Akechi's the one who starts it off, because in a sense he's taking a leap of faith and hoping that it pays off, especially when he seems to "not have time for" other friendships.
I'm reminded of BSD Atsushi saying "People have to be told that it's alright for them to live," and how you as the player gave no option but to do so for Akechi if you've maxed his confidant. Joker WILL give him that reason to keep fighting, one way or another, if they're close enough for him to do so.
And Akechi will go from feeling like he might as well die in this place, to realising that... for whatever reason, in ways only they can understand, he hasn't been able to push even just this one person away from him. No matter what he's done, who he's hurt, what he's said. He doesn't just have words, but an understanding of Akira's character and experiences that back up him saying "I want you alive [for our rematch], isn't that enough of a reason to stay alive?"
And, judging by the view out of the train window in the true ending, it is.
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tlbodine · 2 days ago
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Tips for Talking to Conservative Friends & Family
In the wake of the election, with the holidays around the corner, some of you may be wondering how to deal with friends, family members, coworkers, etc. who voted for Trump and/or who espouse his policies.
This guide is by no means meant to be authoritative and won't work in every circumstance. I accept no responsibility for what happens if you use any scripts and it goes horribly awry. But I did want to share some of my personal experience in this vein, as someone with a great deal of conservative people in my life whom I generally love and respect and would like to maintain a civil relationship with (and, hopefully, bring them back to center if not my side). I've had decent luck with these strategies in the past.
First: Only engage if it is safe to do so.
Do not get into political discussions that might endanger your job, your living situation, your access to care, or your physical and emotional safety. However, do engage if you are able to do so safely and your doing so might help someone in a more vulnerable position. What the fuck is privilege for if not using it to protect people?
Second: Identify your goal.
Do you want to de-escalate a situation so someone can get out of immediate danger? Do you want to establish a boundary? Or do you want to actually attempt to convert someone over to your side? Each goal has different tactics. Be realistic with yourself about what you're going to accomplish. If you do not have a close relationship with the person, you are extremely unlikely to change their mind about anything, and it's frankly not worth the effort. Let someone who is close to them do that work. De-escalate, set a boundary if possible, and gtfo.
But if you do have a close relationship -- if this person generally likes and respects you -- then you might have a shot at challenging their views.
We're going to assume a scenario where you're dealing with people you know and who you can generally count on not to be immediately aggressive. Somebody else will be better-equipped to talk about strategies for dealing with protests and people on the street etc.
De-Escalation & Setting Boundaries
This is your first line of defense against family members acting shitty. If someone tries to start a debate, makes an off-color joke or comment, or is otherwise behaving inappropriately, try:
Let's not talk about this over dinner.
I don't think this is appropriate conversation right now.
That's an awful thing to say.
I don't understand that joke, can you explain why it's funny?
I'm sorry, I won't listen to any more of this (leave the room)
That's not okay.
What you want to do here is make an appeal to correct standards of behavior. You want them to feel ashamed for acting out of line. In order to make this work, it is essential that you:
Remain calm and keep an even, light-but-firm tone of voice. It needs to be clear that you're not joking around, but you also cannot sound upset. (Yes, this is really hard. I'm sorry.) Practice your very best "I'm not angry, just disappointed" tone for maximum effect. If you can manage it, eye contact and a neutral or even slightly concerned or sad expression will make it even better.
Avoid insulting or attacking them. Do not say things like, "Stop being an asshole" or "I can't believe you're acting like this" no matter how much you want to. Do not say "That's racist/sexist/ableist/homophobic." These types of replies, no matter how accurate, will make them defensive, and defensive people shut down and stop listening. If you come off as angry, that gives THEM permission to be angry right back. But if you come off as the normal one, them getting angry makes them look like a dick.
Do not laugh. Avoid the urge to chuckle nervously or joke it off. It WILL feel uncomfortable. It WILL be awkward as fuck. That's the point. They are misbehaving by violating a standard of appropriate behavior, and you are setting down a boundary. The awkwardness will fade and, frankly, they'll often start behaving better pretty much immediately.
Follow through on your consequences. If you say, "Dad, if you continue to bring up Trump, I will not call you anymore," you have to stick to it. Holding firm to your boundaries is HARD AS FUCK but if you don't do it then all you do is teach them that they can wear you down. Think of it like training a dog. Consistency is key.
You're not going to change anybody's closely-held beliefs with this strategy, but you WILL make a case for what is allowable around you. If you model this behavior, and encourage and embolden other people you know to do the same, you might be surprised. A lot of times, people's inappropriate behavior is a boundary-testing mechanism -- they tell the racist joke because they want to see if they can get away with it -- and if you shut them down, they often just...stop. Or at least retreat into their little hole to talk to fellow gremlins instead of you.
Challenging Views, Changing Minds
Okay. You actually want to engage them in conversation. You want to challenge their views and help them change their opinion. How do you do that?
Again, it's essential that you remain calm. If you can't have this discussion without getting heated, it's not the time to have the discussion. If they start to get heated, be prepared to de-escalate and walk away: "I cannot continue this conversation with you right now. Let's talk again some other time when we've cooled off."
But if you can keep calm, here is what actually works (sometimes):
Listen to them. No, really. Hear them out.
Help them feel heard by empathizing with them. Repeat back your understanding of what they said and how that must feel.
Remind them that for other people, THEY are feeling xyz emotion, too.
Ask them questions. Instead of telling them they're wrong, ask questions that will lead them to draw that conclusion themselves.
Make appeals to emotion rather than starting with facts and logic. You'll know what kind of emotion to draw on because you've been listening to them and empathizing. Hint: almost always, bigotry (at the personal level) is rooted in fear.
If this is going well, THEN you can start citing some sources, statistics, and facts.
Invite them to share THEIR sources with you.
Thank them for doing such a good job at being calm and discussing this with you, reaffirm your close relationship, and encourage them to come talk to you about this at any time. It's very possible that you are the only person they might feel safe bringing this stuff up to now and you want to keep that channel of communication open.
Very often (not always, or often), conservative-leaning individuals are people who lack the education or knowledge that left-leaning people do. They may be accustomed to being insulted, yelled at, and made to feel stupid. They are conditioned to believe that folks on the left are smug, holier-than-thou, stuck-up assholes. Whatever you can do to poke a hole in that perception will simultaneously make it easier to talk to them AND cause them to question that rhetoric the next time they encounter it.
This tactic won't always work. It probably won't work at all the first conversation. It's something you'll have to chip away at over time. But sometimes, it's worth it.
And if it's not? Well. As they say.
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becausewoso · 1 year ago
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Can we just keep that jacka$$ off the screen, please and thanks?
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alevens · 10 months ago
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zolu is maybe one of the easiest ships i've ever liked. they're dating, except when they're not, they're best friends even when they're kissing and they're still captain and first mate when they aren't. they hold hands, they hug. they have sex. they don't.
Luffy can hold Zoro's katanas and Zoro can hold Luffy's strawhat and no one bats an eye. one says "You're so cool!" and the other says "You're strong" and it's just another way to say "I see you, this is why I follow you/this is why I trust you". it's not seeing each other for a long time and still knowing how the other's steps sound like against wood and sand. the captain runs and the first mate follows. it's always "Zoro and the others" and "Where's Luffy?"
if they're just friends, if they're something more, if they don't have a label for it, at its core, it's just about how they get each other. they understand how the other's mind works. however you view them, it doesn't erase they fact that they love each other in a way they don't love other people.
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giantkillerjack · 6 months ago
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Uh-oh! You are like, SOOO awkward!!
You're so awkward that it is occasionally mildly uncomfortable for people!
You're so awkward that sometimes people are confused by you and then there are awkward silences!
You're so awkward ...... that ultimately no one is harmed!!
Oh damn!!! What a vile crime you have committed! What an unforgivable thing it is to make a fellow human briefly confused!
Why, if *I* were ever briefly confused and kind of uncomfortable as a result, I'd be devastated.... by the absolute net zero change in my happiness and health! - From which I might never recover!! Yes indeed! No punishment can ever be enough for you!!
So you better absolutely hate yourself for it.
Better be SO MEAN to yourself about every single missed social cue so you don't forget your horrible crime! Meaner than you'd ever dream of being to someone else for the same thing! This is YOUR responsibility!
You need to show the world that you KNOW you are bad by punishing yourself constantly! After all, think of all the people who BENEFIT from you punishing yourself! - No, really! Think about it! Think about who benefits from your pain.
Think of alllllll the definitely-good people that your definitely-necessary self-torment definitely helps! I mean, you can't just cut off their definitely-life-sustaining supply of your suffering, right?? Sure, everyone else has a breaking point, but you're probably the only person in human history who doesn't, right? Best not to question it probably. Sure, it's a symptom that billions of people with trauma have had, but who knows? You could be a one-in-seven-billion exception. Anything's possible!
Instead, better just accept that idea that bullies carry like guns in holsters - the idea that people who have trouble with social cues deserve to suffer. Better carry on the burden they placed on you until you drop. Aid the cause of the callous by enforcing shame and suffering upon yourself extra hard; try your best to do their work for them. They're very busy.
Better not recognize that you need patience and kindness to heal from your trauma. Better not find out that it was trauma rather than personal weakness filling your head with self-hating thoughts. Better not find out it wasn't your fault.
Better not find out that awkwardness is not inherently harmful or unkind, and, in fact, the people who act like it is *are the ones enacting harm and being cruel.*
Better not get righteously angry when you realize just how much unnecessary damage this has done to you. After all, if you get mad, you might realize you deserve better. You might even feel brave enough to DEMAND better! You might build boundaries that keep you safe! You might make other people think they deserve to feel safe too! And we obviously can't be having that, so...
Better not show yourself even a little kindness a little bit at a time.
Better not make a habit out of it after all that practice.
Better not get confident.
Especially if you can't first wipe out every trace of awkward. (And you probably never will. Because people who experience absolute social certainty at all times tend to be insufferable assholes that enforce the status quo. And you just don't have the stock portfolio for that.)
Better not be confident and awkward because then you might confuse and delight people
- you might accidentally end up making other people feel less shame for their social difficulties
- you might make isolated, traumatized, and shy people feel like they deserve to be included in social situations
- you might even make them feel they can be themselves around you
- you might start loving the effect you have on a room
- you might enjoy conversations more
- you might forgive yourself and bounce back from shame more easily and frequently
- you might come to enjoy some of those moments of harmless confusion you cause because NOBODY expects the Confident Awkward, and that can genuinely be an advantage in social situations
- you might stop apologizing so much.
- you might find that socializing is like a video game: it requires practice but also a safe space for it to be fun and positive.
Or if you can't become assertive and confident, better not remain awkward and shy and quiet, and then love and forgive yourself anyway!
Why, it would be carnage!!
In either scenario, you run the risk of finding out that it's not your fault that safe spaces full of kind people can be really hard to find, create, and nurture. You could end up building a skillset that helps you do those things if you're not careful!
If you start giving yourself even the tiniest amount of grace at a time, you will find that you've accessed a gateway drug with extreme long-term side effects:
- You might realize that it was never your fault that it took so long to like yourself.
- You might realize that you were always worth talking to, even when you didn't like yourself and communication felt impossibly difficult.
- You might realize that you'll still be worth talking to even if communication becomes harder as you age and/or experience disability.
- You might come to know that you deserve to be heard even on bad days when words come slow and blurry.
You might discover that you were always deserving of kindness, first and foremost from yourself.
So. As you can see, it's FAR too much of a risk to start granting your awkward self free pardons for your many heinous and harmless crimes. Better to just leave it there.
#social skills#i have a few posts now in my ' social skills' tag#original#maybe eventually I will compile them and polish them in some meaningful way. I know what I want to call the book title#in big text it'll say 'I'M AUTISTIC' and then beneath that in smaller text 'And I Have Better Social Skills Than You'#or something to that effect. and the cover of the book will be me making an exaggerated smug face like the little rascal I am#challenging the viewer to pick up the book and see if they can prove me wrong.#and then the entire first section of the book is about how actually the issue with our society's social skills is the harsh judgment#for people who have trouble communicating and not the other way around. I don't actually think I'm the#most charismatic person in the world by a very long shot. but i do know that I have put more thought into my social skills than#most allistic people and frankly i have surpassed most of them. not because i am more persuasive or smooth or funny#(tho i am persuasive and funny lol) but bc i have questioned which social functions are more restriction than utility.#and instead i have focused my energy on actively learning how to make people feel safe. i feel social rules would benefit all people by#being a little more autistic tyvm. i don't think every person should dedicate themselves to being better at communicating#i think people should dedicate themselves to being kind and patient to everyone regardless of their ability to communicate#I think our society wrongly links communication ability to intelligence and intelligence to level of humanity.#when in fact all three of those things are fucking unrelated and connecting them inevitably leads to#really fucked up views on disabled people that hurt us. and then with that aspect of the book firmly understood and established I would#go on to recommend some ways to make socializing easier and more fulfilling (and less shameful and terrifying) for all kinds of people#it wouldn't be a book about Leaning In To Succeed in Business or 'here's how to avoid being the awkward loner at a party'#it'd be a book about how if you see someone alone at a party here's how to invite them to join your group without pressuring them#stuff like 'hot tip! if someone takes a while to type or speak a full sentence - talking over them b4 they can finish makes u an asshole!'#I know that a lot of people cannot or don't want to dump a lot of skill points into socializing like i did and they shouldn't have to in#order to experience basic dignity and respect. if we treat people like that then we just validate that people - especially#autistic children and elders and disabled people of manu varieties - have to suffer unless they learn all these arbitrary bullshit rules#and a lot of them are arbitrary bullshit! one of the reasons I throw people off so much is because I harmlessly break a lot of social rules#but I know I'm doing it and I'm not ashamed and people just don't know what to do with that! but a lot of them like it actually!!#i think it's a relief to be around someone so openly and unrelentingly weird bc what am I gonna do? judge you for being weird??#I only care if you're kind. not necessarily 'nice' or passive. Kind. Brave enough to care about people being treated well. Kind.#also I recognize that at least some of my ability to be openly weird is white privilege so that's important to acknowledge too
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edge-oftheworld · 1 month ago
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going back through some of this fandom's history has made me realise, we really see people as black and white good or bad don't we?
#like i hope we're getting better (i think we are)#but it has me wondering. how much fandom treatment of 5sos partners was based off one specific incident#but also shaped how people viewed that one specific incident?#i'm glad we want our faves to be well and happy. i just think we also are not immune to misogyny sometimes#guess who just watched the lie to me mv for the first time ever#it's important that people get to tell their stories don't get me wrong. and there was a lot of authenticity in this#however if our instinct is to just totally not ever believe women we also have to ask ourselves why#at least people were really glad for sierra at the time? but look how that went. she was human and people turned on her too#these things can both be true. sometimes women to genuinely bad things. AND we hold women to impossible standards#and then dehumanise them the minute we do something wrong#which is bound to happen at some point!#also. someone can still be a good person and not make good decisions 100% of the time. think about that before you disregard#something someone says being like 'my fave would never they must be lying' why is lying our go-to? yes they might be lying but#this shouldn't be our assumption. just because people are reluctant to admit our faves might not be Completely Perfect#fwiw i think rn we're doing a lot better in terms of that though. in terms of destigmatising mental illness and addiction too#it's just. reality is often just complicated? no one's all good or all bad. yes people should be free to tell the story of their experience#but in order to be ethical consumers of their story we need to realise that just because it highlights one aspect of someone#it doesn't mean that's all there is to them. and it doesn't mean that's all there is to the story either (even though it's not false!)#like how we're been discussing in swiftie spaces. storytelling is GOING TO BE BIASED. when we acknowledge that we won't be as reactive
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unproduciblesmackdown · 2 years ago
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already thinking "and by 'religious' really i mean 'christian'" re: how the term "religion" is not really useful when it's largely like, from a christian perspective, what is considered "equivalent" of christianity, see: perhaps a "rival"/obstacle to some person or group being considered christian....and even if not thinking about converting anyone, resulting in some at best misinterpretation / misrepresentation based on framing it through/as [element of christianity] and limiting of any more accurate language
like how tumblr recommends me a post about someone thinking about "religion" in general and concluding that it's Weird and perhaps Wrong for anyone who is a "true believer" in their religion(tm) to Not be proselytizing / trying to Convert everyone. like yeah why isn't everyone being an evangelical christian, they ought to be, benevolently informing all those around them that they're going to hell, otherwise. don't see any problem with this conclusion, or that someone's getting antisemitic in the notes already in agreement, or that That's Not How This Works and you don't just know how All "Religion" works based on considering it to be an alternate version of christianity (which in itself doesn't All work like that either)
#and even when it comes to having a Critical View of any belief system / way of living / spirituality it's like...people are on that already#without having to see it from a christian perspective or understand the only possible framework for it as [critiques of christianity]....#a dogmatic approach / doctrine of Salvation....not how it all works out there re: ways anyone can be anything besides christian#So Bizarre why everybody's not all trying to ''convert'' everyone else in the world....is it.#what; like; ''you'd think everyone would be launching an inquisition'' like would you.#even if you know fuckall abt non christian beliefs / perspectives / traditions/practices / identities / ways of life etc....#we could maybe go ahead and question this conclusion. or perhaps go ''but also i know fuckall about all that so why am i theorizing'' like.#and again there are non ''western'' christian traditions....and of course individuals and philosophies within christianity who would also#not think you can only Truly be christian by going ''and i'd better be trying to convert everyone. or i'm being a jerk'' too#not actually the case that everyone thinks everyone else who doesn't share some ''religious'' factor is Damned To Hell or an equivalent....#anyways telling tumblr actually this particular post? isn't for me. and i don't thank you#another tiresome factor of [mass at the benedictine monastery] like the homilies/sermons were especially exhausting#they always were but like ''what are you even talking about'' as one priest goes on about how it's silly for people to say they're#Spiritual but not Religious b/c the only way to be spiritual is to be christian lite & if you're Genuinely even christian lite then you#ought to realize you should go full throttle christian. like a) No b) why are we preaching to the choir here. we're all at Sunday Mass???#not like any sermons ever feel that thoughtful when like too much analysis is like uh oh? a bit heretical are we??? which is not universal.#gee thanks for this [are we just supposed to all sit here feeling validated in our superiority; or...?] experience#wisdom you couldn't totally get from someone going on some self-assured monologue abt heathens these days over dinner or sm shit#really makes you think. and then someone will be really thinking & going ''shouldn't everyone w/a Religion be an Evangelist'' hmm: No.#and they aren't ''wrong'' about their own beliefs approaches perspectives identities traditions etc for it either. Done#anyways changed ''religious parent'' to ''christian parent'' for its own enhanced accuracy & precision alike....
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shiningstages · 2 years ago
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Getting White Day Tsukasa first try, and seeing the newer cards on JP, really makes me wanna write fanfic again..........
#;big bubble blowing baby! ( ooc )#( hi my brain still isn't quite here.........i think i need genuine alone time to Really recharge but i'm not gonna get that#work has really been piling on the hours; and next week is all closing shifts#but thinking about tsukasa saki toya found family / friends stuff..........how toya in any au would also just have connections with#EVERYONE ( this white day and jp white day cards )#akito and mizuki with tsukasa could be a huge bickering found family in a royal au........people please explore this more#the angst that could also come from mizuki going on a journey to find toya / saki / rui but also feeling like she doesn't belong on it#like in the sense that; while she wants to make sure rui is safe; she knows she probably can't change what he's become#and what if that's for the better in order for rui to find his own place and live his own life?? who would she be to take that from him??#the tsukasa and mizuki talks that come from them both knowing rui; but at two different angles..........#akito solely on a journey just to rescue toya; not initially caring about tsukasa's connections to him but then slowly growing fond of#Story Time; “only i truly know toya” says the man that's now grasping at any mention of him#realizing other people can have......well Other People in their lives that they share different experiences with#or that are just as impotant of bonds or experiences#i wanna call it “the folly of knight tsukasa” since he's just. so connected.#of course his main trough line is saki. stayed with her no matter what; doesn't want to stop doing that#but now seeing her with different views as him and striding on her own.......who am i to stop her from happiness part2#there are no concrete thoughts here; just thoughts#kind of like knights ( tsukasa / mizuki / akito ) versus outcast alchemists / magic ( toya / rui / saki )#maybe magic banned..........or perhaps Dangerous magic#saki being so close to nature and strong healing magic; but her sickly body makes it so hard on her#some royal “she should be in the palace” / tsukasa “no she needs to have tea parties with her friends; not starve her body for you”#some royal “many blinking emojis”#toya having like dark magic that he's never really learned about / awakened until his father puts so much stress on him#rui ( royal researcher ) helping him control it but also wield it ( for himself and toya )#toya's dad upon finding out sending him into death; tsukasa helps with an absolute exile / run away type plot instead#tells saki to go with toya so he can keep her safe and out of the royal's minds#the king gets injured by frantic akito and mizuki thinking he's offed their best friends#king uses this opportunity to put out a public manhunt on his son since he wanted him dead anyways#tsukasa freaks and gives up his honor to chase after toyaruisaki
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gyudons · 1 year ago
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despicable
updates as of 22 oct
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Travis Dermott knew that he would draw attention with his actions in the Coyotes’ home opener against the Anaheim Ducks at Mullett Arena on Saturday. The Arizona defenseman just hoped that the spotlight might shine on the issue that he was addressing, not on him.
“You don’t really want to go against rules that are put in place by your employer, but there’s some people who took some positive things from it,” Dermott said. “That’s kind of what I’m looking to impact.
“You want to have everyone feel included and that’s something that I have felt passionate about for a long time in my career. It’s not like I just just jumped on this train. It’s something that I’ve felt has been lacking in the hockey community for a while. I feel like we need supporters of a movement like this; to have everyone feel included and really to beat home the idea that hockey is for everyone.”
“I won’t lie,” said Dermott, who is playing on a one-year, two-way contract. “From the outside, it’s easy to see that I’m putting my career on the line for something. I definitely went through some emotional ups and downs that night, not regretting anything by any means, but I’d love to have maybe done a couple of steps a little different by making sure that everyone was aware of what was going on before I did it.
“I don’t want to put my teammates or my coaches or my GMs or the equipment managers in any kind of bad light when it’s their job to kind of look out for something like this happening. It was definitely something that I did just by myself and was prepared to kind of deal with whatever repercussions the league decides to push towards that. I’m not going to back off and say that this battle is won, but we’re going to find better ways to do it.”
As Dermott noted, LGBTQ+ inclusion is an issue that he has supported for a long time. Without getting into specifics, Dermott said the issue is personal for him because it impacts people close to him.
“I’d be lying if I said I haven’t shed tears about this on multiple occasions,” he said. “So yeah, it’s something I’m definitely very passionate about.
“I’ve met a lot of people that from the outside, it looks like they have everything going right in their life and they have a smile on their face every time they talk to you. But sometimes when we get closer to people and get comfortable enough for them to open up to you, you can see that there’s some pretty dark stuff happening to some good people. It doesn’t take too many times encountering something like that for it to really change someone.
“I’ve been blessed to have some of those opportunities put in front of me to really change my view of what being a good person means; what being a good father and a good example and role model means going forward. You really see how people are hurting and it’s because of a system that maybe no one’s intentionally trying to be malicious about, but until you’ve really had that first-person experience seeing people hurting from it right in front of you, it’s tough to kind of take steps.”
It would be a surprise if the league handed down any sort of punishment. The optics alone would add to the public relations damage that the original ban created. Even so, Dermott reiterated his desire to bring the entire franchise into the fold before he takes similar actions in the future, but he also made it clear that he will not be silenced on the topic.
“It’s not like I’m shutting up and going away,” he said. “I know more questions are going to be coming. We’re just going to be as prepared as we can be to just spread love. That’s the thing. It’s gay pride that we’re talking about, but it could be men’s health. It could be any war. It’s just wanting world peace. Everyone’s got to love each other a little bit more.
“Like my parents said growing up, ‘How awesome would it be to be the guy that people look up to?’ That’s what really hit home when I was a kid, especially from my mom. You want to grow up and be that guy. You want to be the guy that’s having the impact on kids like NHL players had on you. If they had been racist or bigoted, that’s going to have an effect on you.
“With how many eyes are on us, especially with the young kids coming up in the new generation, you want to put as much positive love into their brain as you can. You want them to see that it’s not just being taught or coming from maybe their parents at home. They need to see it in the public eye for it to really make an effect.”
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slvttyplum · 7 months ago
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when suguru got his tongue piercing you really didn't think too much into it, you thought it was just another person he was getting and that was that, but it was until that cold silver metal was rubbing against your clit you started to care.
it was like the feeling of getting a vibrator for the first time, you just had to use it over and over again until you physically got tired of it, that's what you did when you rode his face every single day and night, you could not get enough.
it was such a good feeling, and it made shivers ring around your body all around, it felt too good, better than a vibrator, that's why he had to eat your pussy every time. suguru loved the fact that you were using his mouth, as much as he loved eating your pussy, this was like christmas for him.
instead of him waking you awake to eat your pussy or just grabbing you to sit on your face, it was you with those pretty puppy dog eyes telling him to eat you out, what did he do? just that, you did not have to ask him twice.
when his tongue swiped back and forth between your folds and would repeatedly push against your clit and flick up and down, your eyes would roll to the top of your head and your body twitching with pleasure, it was a new sensation that you wanted to experience over and over again.
suguru was already good at eating your pussy and having your toes curl along with squirting your brains out, but this piercing enhanced the feeling all the way. sometimes he couldn't even get through you riding his face because you would cum in two minutes, then be on the verge of finishing for the third time in the fifth minute.
he thought it was so cute though, whenever you would hold onto him during the day not saying anything hoping he would get the hint, and he couldn't even resist. suguru fucking loved eating you out, and if you were so horny for him to use his new tongue, then he was going to use it and make sure you were orgasmed out of your mind.
your favorite position was when he would push your thighs into your chest making you hold them and just eat the fuck out of your pussy, it felt so good it had you crying and whining, but did you ask him to stop? hell no, you took that shit like a champ.
your toes twitching and curling as the grip you had around your thighs were loosening as he continues to eat you out, he wasn't going to stop even if you were begging and your face was swelling from the tears, he was going to keep going until his tongue fell off.
his spit and your fluids dripping off his tongue as he looks up at you moaning, it was a view he never got tired of seeing, he loved seeing it, loved seeing the pleasure drip down your core. suguru could never imagine seeing someone else do the faces you do when his tongue is deep inside of you.
don't let this man put his fingers inside of you while he's slowly rubbing his tongue over your clit, the small ball of metal pressing gently against your clit every 2 seconds while his fingers pushed and curved up to your sweet spot.
it was like edging but instead of the pleasure stopping for a few seconds, the pleasure just kept going but in a different way, your body begging for his tongue to go back to your clit every time he rolls it down.
this is why he was your favorite eater, he knew what the fuck he was doing.
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micer2012 · 11 months ago
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a reflection on MatPat's plagiarism
Hello, my name is Della, or micer2012, and 2 years ago Game Theory plagiarized three Tumblr posts of mine, making a video that now holds almost 6 million views.
My posts explaining his plagiarism made their rounds on Reddit, Tumblr and Twitter, but despite the Hermits and Pooka commenting on it (generally in support of me or saying they don’t know enough details about the situation to say either way), MatPat and his team have never owned up to anything, and no mention of my name is present on the video. The one Reddit post they made denying it (which was made before my detailed takedown, which they have never responded to (though the mods on the r/GameTheorists Reddit were kind and made sure it stayed up)) didn’t even mention me by name, just referring to me as “a tumblr user”. (Though one of the screenshotted comments in the body of the post does say my name)
This experience was baffling, but it’s overall had a positive impact on my life. r/Hermitcraft gave me a Golden Apple Award (post of the year, 2021). My inbox was filled with excited fans, wanting to ask me questions or pose their own theories, far more than the hate I got. (Though the hate I got from Game Theory fans was VERY funny. I wondered why none of them gave me shit about saying “MatPat misgendered Evil Xisuma” before realizing none of them read that far into the post.)
And getting on a more personal, and much more important note, I met most of my current online friends through this, including my partner. It helped me grow closer with my irl friends as well and gave me an entertaining story that I tell whenever I have the chance. It was one of the first things in my life that really made me feel like my talents, my autistic hyperfocusing and analyzing of things I love, could be valuable. Useful. Exploitable. It blew my mind that MatPat thought an autistic kid’s ramblings about a Minecraft Youtube joke character were good enough to steal. To put an audible sponsorship on. To get 6 million views off of.
And that’s why I’m writing this post, this update years later. As you might’ve been able to guess, Hbomberguy’s Youtube video on plagiarism reopened this wound. It was really hard for me to sit through, it took days of pausing and taking breaks, because I had experienced everything he was talking about firsthand. 
In my 10 page long takedown post, I wrote about how his rewording of my sentences made him say things that were incorrect, just like Filip did. The content farm production style that made big companies like Cinemassacre take one creator (AVGN/MatPat) and turn him and his content into a brand, a voice that reads out scripts by other people with other opinions/theories, is a history shared with Game Theory. What really hit me was Harris talking about how big creators only do this to people they think they can get away with doing it to. How they view their victims as lesser, as not deserving of their words, repackaging them as their own to give to an audience that can gain from hearing them, but deserves better than to have to listen to the original victim.
That’s the thing, I 100% think a video version of my theory to expose to a bigger community than “Evil Xisuma Fans on Tumblr” is a great idea!! Near the end of the video Harris talks about how video adaptations of things could be a great market, even an accessibility tool, and I completely feel that about my posts. I wrote them quickly assuming the reader was someone well versed on Evil Xisuma lore, after not even watching most of the CarnEvil series, and the diagrams I made to explain them are even less comprehensible. Harris makes a joke that I completely agree with, 
“I’m sure some of my videos would do very well if someone translated them into English.”
I don’t think I would’ve ever made my posts if I didn’t have autism, and a special fixation on Evil Xisuma and Hermitcraft. I made them because I felt the character was being done an injustice, and because I wanted to share with other superfans this theory that might explain it away. I do think that MatPat plagiarizing me was ableist. I used to wonder a lot if this would’ve happened if my posts were articulated better, if they had been peer reviewed, if the posts themselves had been spread to a wider audience before MatPat made his video. At one point when the discourse was fresh (before I had the time to write out my 10 page rebuttal), a bigger YouTuber (100k subs at the time) messaged me and started talking on Discord, interested in possibly making a video on the discourse, but I think my style of typing and general enthusiasm drove him away. You can tell by a single look at my blog (or my original 3 posts!) that I don’t usually type like this. This post you’re reading now has been peer reviewed and edited, and took me hours to format correctly. That video could’ve been huge, the entire outcome of this MatPat situation would probably be much different.
I also used to stress a lot about “being the one who ruined Evil Xisuma’s story”. If you didn’t know, to me S8 Evil Xisuma’s story got wrapped up pretty quickly and unsatisfying (in my personal autistic opinion). (though this might’ve been due to s8 being experimental and ending early with moon big) There was no real culmination of the plot points and arcs going on, and I don’t want to blame myself, but when Xisuma said on stream (when the MatPat thing was first going on) that he didn’t want to focus on the discourse or draw more attention to it, it makes a lot of sense to me that he just wanted to wrap it all up as quickly as possible. For a while I beat myself up about it, of ruining the story of this character I love, but it’s not my fault. If anyone’s, it’s MatPats, but I don’t think it’s useful to just blame someone else. That’s how the story ended up going, and that’s fine. This is Evil Xisuma we’re talking about, their inconsistent lore is what made them such an interesting character. And notably, Pooka made an animation with an awesome culmination of Jeff, the Dreamer, Evil Xisuma, and his own sona’s story, and it makes me so happy to watch. Whatever Pooka does is of course his own choice, but I’m glad he got to give this personal story his own ending (if it is an ending, and not just the start of a new chapter!). 
Typing this all out and getting it off my chest has made me feel a lot better. For a while I wanted to make my OWN video essay about Evil Xisuma’s lore and CarnEvil’s lore, actually going episode by episode to explain it instead of just assuming you knew as much about Evil Xisuma as I did. That idea is still not off the table, but MCYT isn’t something I’m that into right now. Maybe if something else comes out about Evil Xisuma I’ll get back on it, but for now I’m fine with letting that go. But I want to make other videos, share other theories and analysis… if I have the freetime I’d love to make YouTube videos, and if I don’t have the time I’ll continue posting to my tumblr and infodumping to my friends. Apparently my infodumping is valuable enough “content” to steal! Writing this out has made me feel a lot better though, I’m really glad I got it out.
If anyone ever wants to talk to me about the things I’m obsessed with, or reach out to me as a source in a bigger discussion about Game Theory or other channels, my inbox is more than welcome :] Thank you for reading! 
Sincerely, a tumblr user.
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amberautumnfaebrooke · 1 year ago
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i think i could design a better death arena for children than those hunger games amateurs.
the whole premise of the games is all pageantry. every year you get a crop of 24 candidates around whom the entire state media apparatus dedicates an entire year to building celebrity narratives. this candidate is the younger sibling of last year's winner - these candidates are young lovers forced to compete - he's smart - she's fast - root for them, care about them, watch them, form opinions on them, bet on them. and then they stick them all in an arena to kill each other, which is a great entertainment premise, except that they make the arenas themselves really boring and generic. ooo, they're in...a forest.
it's not even an interestingly designed forest. imagine if the game designers treated their arena like an actual video game designer treats level design. discrete zones with multiple paths between each room, creative use of lighting to guide players to points of interest, points of interest scattered across the map, discoverable resources hidden to encourage exploration. instead they just have a generic outdoors location and if you get too close to the edge they throw a random fireball at you.
the 75th games are especially bad about this. the arena is laid out radially into 12 wedges, and each hour one wedge becomes especially dangerous in a 12-hour loop. as a mechanic, this is genius. it forces everyone to keep moving, making "survival by hiding" an engaging and tense viewing experience instead of someone sitting in a tree for three days. plus, it encourages players to return to the center of the arena, where travel time between wedges is short, which creates a high-value zone for players to regularly return to and conflict over. in other words, it's a mechanic which incentives players to adopt dramatic, dynamic, exciting behaviors which are entertaining to watch (not to mention it communicates geography to the audience well). but it only incentives those behaviors if the players understand what's happening, and they go out of their way not to tell the players anything! when they figure out what's going on, the showrunners spin the arena to disorient the players, like they're intentionally trying to get them to just. randomly wander the jungle instead.
this isn't even to mention how often they create undramatic, boring deaths. they plant poison berries around the arena. they supply no fresh water and no way to get it. they roll poison clouds over sleeping victims. these happen to work out in the books themselves but you have to imagine that extremely often these just result in players dying unexciting deaths.
the cardinal sin though, of course, is that nothing is done to personalize the arena for the crop of contestants that year. if i'm designing the 75th hunger games and two of my most beloved contestants famously had to cancel their wedding because of a return to the games, i would OBVIOUSLY give them a trail of, i don't know, wild game which conveniently leads directly past a well defended wedding chapel. will they hole up there for a while? hold a mock ceremony for themselves? do or receive ironic violence here? stare wistfully and move on? any of it is better television than getting attacked by generic attack monkeys. you should have a dozen of these things on the map for every single candidate. but the game makers are more interested in doing the same thing every other game has done than in telling a compelling story.
it makes me second guess enjoying the children's murder arenas at all.
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