#really dont like people doing things for me when im capable of doing it myself

[skeletxr]

Rolling my eyes shaking my head

[leah2eroes]

tumblr stopped being fun at some point in the last like 3 weeks. i hope it comes back. i feel awful.

[villanele]

Why the fuck do people expect me to be a literal fucking angel just because I like wearing colorful outfits and hair accessories and am autistic 😭😭😭😭

[cutearose]

okay but how do you ask for help when your childhood makes you feel guilty for needing help and the help that you need feels rude to ask for

[iamnotlookingidonotseeit]

sometimes the notes app ain't it, u have to do vent posts where no one will see it

[seokmn]

FAILURE

pairing: seokmin x gn!reader

wc: 0.6k words

lua’s note: maybe this fic is a bit specific because its kinda a vent. i wanted to get this out of my chest somehow and decided to post it because maybe there’s someone who’s going through the same thing as me and need to read these words. essa vai pros que so fizeram o enem e vestibulares de faculdades publicas e nao passaram pra segunda fase deles e agora precisam esperar a nota do enem pra meter no sisu ou prouni 😛

another instagram story you viewed, another text with those three cursed words you read and another ‘congratulations, lets celebrate it!’ you had to write as a reply for that text. you sighed, placed your phone on your lap and hid your face with your hands.

the only thing that comes to your mind right now is the word failure. you failed and now you have to watch other people celebrate their accomplishments.

seokmin heard your sigh and turned around to look at you, taking sight of your disappointed figure. he stopped cooking, dropping the knife and washing his hands before sitting down next to you on the couch. his hand rested on your thigh, a way to try to comfort you without words being said. he already had an idea about why were you like that. “another one?”

you hummed and stopped hiding your face. you looked at him with a small smile and nodded. “another one,” you looked down and took his hand before looking back at him, trying to sound and look okay. “another friend of mine was accepted at the university she wanted.”

seokmin let out a quiet sigh and rubbed his thumb against the back of your hand. he didnt say anything, already knowing you’d keep venting about it to him. “im happy for her, i really am. but i cant help but ask myself: is this it? am i going to stay behind while all my friends will go to college and live their lives? am i too dumb to go to college?” your lips began to tremble and your voice was cracking, “and i hate myself for feeling this way, i hate to compare my life to theirs and not being able to be happy for them without feeling miserable about my situation. they studied a lot for this and they deserve it, but i studied as well. is it something wrong with me?”

seokmin frowned and placed your head against his chest. “theres nothing wrong with you,” he began to caress your head, trying to soothe you. “you said yourself that this year took a toll on you because of studies, trying to be sure about your future and trying to find an university that youd like the thought of studying there. do your things in your own pace. you not being accepted in any university until now doesnt mean youre a failure, you cant be accepted in any university yet because you gotta wait your results of the national exam come out.”

he cupped your cheeks and pulled you away from his chest so you could look at each others eyes. “listen to me, you are not a failure, okay? you just graduated from high school, youre so young and you have so much things to do. take your own time, that doesnt mean youre staying behind. that means you’re building your own path.”

you nodded as he brushed your tears away with his thumb. listening to his words was like being hugged by your mother after spending a whole day away from her when you were a little kid, was like being kissed by the wind while watching the sunset at the beach with a loved one.

seokmin always knew how to comfort you, how to make you realize youre not being fair with yourself and that you should be way kinder with yourself because you are loved and are capable of doing anything.

“dont forget about that,” he kissed your forehead and stood up, looking at you with love in his eyes and that comfy smile that no one else but him could smile like that. “now help me to cook. we’re going to eat a delicious meal and then spend the rest of the day watching your favorite sitcom”

[ron456]

AHHHHH- IM SO SICK OF THE BS I SWEAR-

FIRST OF ALL-

He doesn't "act naturally" or "normal" because HE'S AUTISTIC-

Will Roland portrays him as AUTISTIC so he's gonna act AUTISTIC-

ALSOOOO- IT'S BROADWAY, BABE- THEY NEED TO BE OVERDRAMATIC AND VERY EXPRESSIVE OTHERWISE THE PREFORMANCE DOESN'T CARRY THROUGH THE WHOLE THEATRE-

AND ANOTHER THING- Jeremy is supposed to be a "loser"-

he gets bullied and is misunderstood by his peers because he is, well, NOT CHILL-

HE'S "CHALANT" AS HELL-

He gets bullied because he cares about things too much, he's anxious, he's loud-

And in regards to the "can't hold a note for too long"- have you heard Loser, Geek, Whatever? Or More Than Survive? Or Two Player Game??? Song where he holds notes for quite a long time- ALSO- to say that Will Roland can't reach the same notes as Will Connolly is just... not true.

And one of the reasons I think some people think Will Roland is "a worse singer" is because, sometimes, stylistically, Will Roland will use a sort of falsetto/head voice (which I LOVE BTW AND IM SICK OF PEOPLE CALLING OTHER PEOPLE BAD SINGERS BECAUSE THEY USE HEAD VOICE- IT'S BEAUTIFUL, IMPRESSIVE, AND REQUIRES GOOD BREATH CONTROL TO MAKE IT NOT SOUND CRAPPY AND WILL ROLAND DOES IT AMAZINGLY) like when he says "hero" and "Rob Dinero" (idk if that's how you spell it 😭) in More Than Survive.

It's not that he's a bad singer, he is taking the brunt of his voice during those parts and also, given that it's this little solo/soliloquy moment for Jeremy, I think that Will Roland's choice to use a light head voice there is perfectly well-placed. It feels kinda personal, I guess. And I love it <3

Not to say that Will Connolly's way of singing it isn't also great. It's awesome! But like, guys, we can't keep getting pissed when a new actor in a show doesn't have the exact same singing voice as the original 😭 That's just silly, guys. 😭

(LIKE WHEN PEOPLE GOT PISSED AT ELIZABETH TEETER'S LYDIA FOR SOUNDING TOO MUSICAL THEATRE-Y?? LIKE. HUH?!? GUYS, IT'S BROADWAY- WHAT DO YOU MEANNN??? Sorry, I have feelings- Also, Shoutout to Elizabeth Teeter, btw, cuz' she slayed <3)

Anywaysss- back to Will Roland's voice- he is very much capable of hitting the notes that Will Conolly hits- if not higher (IT'S NOT A COMPETION THO, GUYS- PLS DONT COME FOR ME). For example, the acoustic version of Loser, Geek, Whatever on Spotify which, I believe, is a key higher than usual!! This man can belt some high notes when the situation calls for it! And also, (these are not really bmc related but whatever) during the harmony or whatever at the end of "Sincerely, Me", that is none other than WiLL RoLaND (!!!) hitting that high E (I'm pretty sure it's an E. I hope it's an E. But regardless, it's still a SUPER HIGH NOTE) at the end! And in "Amphibian" on Joe Iconis' album titled, well, "Album", Will Roland hits some insanely high notes!!! ( EVEN IF THEY ARE HEAD VOICE. I REPEAT, HEAD VOICE DOES NOT MEAN BAD SINGER!!)

Also, as a little additional statement to my "Jeremy is autistic/ autistic-coded so Will Roland played him as autistic"; this is not to say that Will Conolly didn't add some "autistic flare", if you will, to Jeremy. I mean, just yesterday I was freaking out with my friend about a gif of Will Conolly's Jeremy doing the autistic flappy hands :))). And I think that he was a good baseline for other Jeremy's to build off of!

Also, I feel like the people that are saying that Will Roland's portrayal of autism/neurodiversity is "ableist" or "incorrect" or "too dramatic" are sorta failing to understand/acknowledge that autism/neurodiversity is a spectrum. Not every person with autism or another kind of Neurodiversity is gonna act the same. And I think that's something really beautiful that we should all cherish. It is GREAT that we are all different but also, in many ways, the same!

And to see myself and my uncontrolled speaking voice and weird noises and such represented by Will Roland on stage is such a beautiful thing that I think 'ought to be cherished.

[pastadoughie]

other posts abt this are getting deleted

my brother killed himself- the one i actually like somewhat (ryan) & not the nazi shithead who tried to choke me to death this time last year (julian). i am the youngest of 3.

hes kinda a complicated guy, similar to how they treat me i only ever get to hear about him through other family members making fun of him for his every issue - so much of what i know is negative.

most of my opinion of ryan for the past 4 years maybe has been sortof admiring- atleast in comparison to my other family members- hes the only one who actually shielded me from julians constant phisical abuse, & the only one with the sense to realize that my entire family is a bunch of miserable abusive leaching assholes who are best off associated with as little as possible. i may think hes a racist & a bit of an idiot but i still really respect him as the only person who doesnt treat me like eaither a rabid dog or a walking suicide note

its a bit offputting to me honestly- the last time i had a close relationship with him was when he was a terminally online barely legal teenager- boyblogging about my little pony & fat bitches on the internet & trying to escape a deeply abusive home life dispite having no money & no education. primary difference being with me being trans & disabled & my abuse more overt & overarching i dont really get the luxury of having any kind of positive feelings about anyone in my family. i wouldve been dead years ago if i hadnt learned how to deal w/ myself & my emotions entirely independantly. its a recursive cycle i suppose

he called a few family members shitfaced drunk the day of- was made fun of them by every one, a few hours later was supposed to go to work. drove onto an empty road in his lexis at night. driving straight before making an entirely unessasary turn to veer off the road- flipping his car multiple times over. dieing on impact- hes gotten in many accidents before- & had flipped that car & gotten hurt previously & likely rendered much of its safety features unusable.

in all likelyhood probably alot about money- a certain degree of reckless drinking & petty theft charges & unpayably expensive car repairs & your problems stop really being fixable- needing a level of both financial & mental health intervention that nobody is wiling/capable of providing to someone they veiw as a drunk.

i dont have many thoughts on this topic that i feel are meaningful- im someone primarily apathetic & only incedentally empathetic- i only show proper emotions in maybe small 20 minute intervals once in a blue moon

my primary source of emotion has just been how angry my entire family seems to be at me specifically- a unanimous & explicit & constant reminder that they would really really really rather i kill myself then them have to ever look at me or deal with my stupid inability to do seemingly easy tasks like work & schooling. i guess theyll never really get any self awareness. in many ways i dont respect any of them- even ignoring everything else theyve ever done thats just kindof a ghoulish & overly cruel thing to say- but you cant tharapyspeak your way out of being atleast a little emotional about your entire family wanting you dead

im just gonna keep silly posting as usual. abiet maybe somewhat lower energy. especially because people are seemingly incapable of treating me like a normal human being & not flattening me down to solely my life situation, out of some strange assumption that treating someone like a 1d characature of a mentally ill person from a tharapy training course is somehow less offensive then saying something mildly triggering by accident

[tonati143]

Anders rant

Lowkey, I need to talk about this and Im sure other Anders fans have probably talked this to the ground.

But I feel like Anders suffered so badly at the hands of the creators and its both heartbreaking and the largest reason I love him so much. We see him, easily one of the most hated characters in the fandom, and he is not handled with nuance by either fans or anti’s because the writers never even gave room for that nuance.

You either are hate him or you love him, because there was never an option presented that allowed for a grey area.

Lets talk about easily one of the most popular options (and mirror to Anders), Solas. He easily does so much worse for even less of a reason. What he tries to do in Veilguard, what he did in Inquisition. If I remember correctly, bro gives the anchor to Corypheus bc he couldn’t understand it and thought bro would fix it for him.

If this would have been Anders, there would be outrage.

But because Solas has the benefit of writers that love him in both games, he gets the benefit of getting a grey area. There is not nearly as much hate, no one sits down to talk about how secretly he is the cause of every problem here.

I cant help but wonder what Anders did to lose out on such nuance. Cullen, one of my favorites, receives that nuance, when we are well aware what can happen with his story line if we dont play our cards right in Origins and DA2.

To have a writer that basically wants you dead is so crippling.

There is no nuance, there is no forgiveness. Even the route where your Hawke doesnt stabby stab him is made to look like you made the wrong choice. I was lucky, my Hawke in inquisition does not paint Romanced!Anders as a monster, my Hawke is much more forgiving and speaks of him as someone who needs to be taken care of. But Ive seen other people talk about how their Hawke speaks of Anders.

We lose out on Awakening!Anders in a way that almost doesnt seem natural. It is like we were given a completely different character. One is capable of facing trauma, and I would even say having to give your body to a spirit holds some form of trauma as well, while maintaining core parts of their personality. It wouldnt have hurt to show us bits of that previous Anders once in a while.

Its hard to look at really, because there are things that he says in DA2 that gives us insight to what is going on in the chantry, things that gives us insight to why he is going through such lengths. But because everything is structured around the idea that you are supposed to hate him, no one ever really acknowledges him in game or in the fandom.

I saw on a comment a few days ago that states that Anders tried so hard to be heard, to have his stance listened to but throughout the game almost everyone shrugs him off. No one takes him seriously. And yes, he can be obnoxious about it sometimes, but if I put myself in his shoes, I would also be talking and talking about it until someone acknowledges me. In smaller cases where I would have things to say in places like highschool and everyone would ignore me, I would find myself repeating it again until someone would tell me “yeah, we heard you already”. Its in a way where I understand what it feels like, to have something so important to say and to be pushed to the side, I understand what Anders feels in party banter in a way that cant be said outloud without being questioned if I agree with his decision towards the Chantry.

He could have been perfect, a way to start a conversation where we ask ourselves, at what point are extreme measures acceptable? At what point can we consider what a person did to be necessary or unnecessary? Would anyone have listened to the cause if that measure hadnt been taken?

Unfortunately, its answered for us, it ends the conversation before we can even have it. It tells us what is supposed to be the answer. It tells us it is wrong, it tells us that this is a black and white conversation. What could have been a legitimate substantial conversation cut short because of their efforts to make the fandom hate Anders as much as they do.

And I mourn that ever since 😔

[pixiestickie]

so . i did something ^}*#*}*%+%

(more parts might come and if that happens this post will be the masterlist)

ramble ⏬

so . ok here goes nothing. first things first.

this is like the “fisherman meets mermaid and they are in love” AU trope but jamil isnt a fisherman: he pretty much retained his canon life, aka he is a servant and one day he found a merman and he just hangs around him to escape from his shitty life situation (and the merman is completey enamoured).

so, apart of NRC not happening, more details about the canon divergence should be revealed at a later date

thiat is the info about the au out of the way. ill just do personal rambling here esp bevause im insecure about some things about this so you can stop reading if you want.

this is a trope ive seen around a lot, especially on twitter, so ive had this idea since a bunch of months ago. i then proceeded to forget about it until i saw a twitter post about this same exact trope again except it was with fucking miguel o’hara but thats besides the point. the original post that made me get the idea were 2 ocs (they had the blood-cut-to-call-merman idea. I completely stole it from that. im coming clean) and i was like “wow do you know who else is a mermaid? azul fucking ashengrotto”

ok so no the art style i used. i started using it really recently to doodle stuff, since 2 days ago actually im so serious. i tried using it here as well bevause its an easy art style, really quick to draw with it and also looks good. or so i thought. because im now having doubts about wether it looks good or not and i fear it might just look weird. i kinda wanna hear if people prefer this art style or my “actual” one from my other posts

this style looked way better when i used it to doodle stuff, but i dont think im capable of using it in comic format. the style i was going for is mostly evident in the colored “poster” because ive actually redrawn the comic sequence a bunch of times so the style was lost there. I do like how the “poster” looks but im not sure if y’all would agree so id love to hear wyt

now the biggest part. ive never made comics in my life!! so these are going to look so damn akward. u can already notice it here!!!!! crowd starts booing

also i cant draw water and also i dont know how to draw azuls octo patterns bc the material we have of his design are so vague and fragmented but his patterns are not easy to draw so im struggling and i need to make a reference of him for myself 😭😭

[nvrsaidiwasinurcloset]

part 4 of flames?? im HOOKED u dont get it we're actual masterminds

I'm sorry it took so long for me to put this out. I'll get to the 5th part this weekend:)

Flames - Ethan Landry x Fem!Reader - Part 4

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

Summary: You're trying to give Ethan a chance with your daughter, but Chad isn't so trusting.

Contains: Angst, a smidge of fluff, Ethan trying to learn how to be a dad, mentions of mental health.

A/N: Y'all...I'm convinced that some of you can read my mind because I'll think about something I want to write(esp. when it comes to spicy stuff), and then one of the sweet anon's on here will request it. I stg some of the things I've gotten requests for have made me fucking BLUSH.

After Ethan went to bed, you struggled to fall asleep. You still felt a little uneasy about him being in the next room over, and not having a true understanding of what he’d actually be capable of. Finally, the exhaustion kicked in and you drifted off. You woke up a few different times during the night when she started to cry, and Ethan ran in the room ever single time, desperate to help.

Once the sun started to peak through the gap in the curtain, you stirred awake and looked over to see River awake in the bassinet.

“Hey, sweet girl,” you said, scooping her up in your arms. She started to coo, the soft sounds making you smile.

You walked out of your room to the next room over, quietly pushing the door open as you saw Ethan in a deep sleep. You noticed his backpack on the ground in the middle of the floor, and started to think about how he needed laundry done. You reached down to grab it, before quietly sneaking back out of the room.

You went to the nursey to change River, before heading downstairs to play with her for a little bit. Once she fell asleep again, you grabbed his bag again, and went to the laundry room.

You started to pull stuff out of his bag, a few bottles of medication falling to the floor.

“Shit,” you whispered to yourself, reaching down to grab them. You started to look at the medication names and pulled out your phone to google them. One was for anxiety, one was for depression, and one was a really strong anti-psychotic med. It might’ve been wrong to be that nosey, but you needed a better understanding of his mental health.

You sat them down on the counter in the room before starting the laundry. He soon walked downstairs, desperate to find you.

“Hey,” you smiled, your face dropping once you noticed his nervous expression. “What’s wrong?”

“I need my meds,” he panicked, looking around for his bag.

“They’re in here,” you said, gesturing to the laundry room. He saw them all lined up, feeling a little shame as he reached for them.

“Thanks…if I don’t take them when I’m supposed to, I don’t act like myself,” he said, calming a little as he opened the bottles and got a pill from each one.

“Do you need water?” you asked as he shook his head, dry swallowing all three pills at once. “Is there anything I can get for you?”

“I’m okay. You’ve already done so much for me,” he said, as you walked out, him following closely behind you.

You went to the living room, the two of you making small talk when your mom walked through.

“I’m going to work. I’ll be home late tonight, but I sent you some money for pizza or whatever you and your friends want to order tonight,” she said, before looking down to smile at her sleeping granddaughter. “She’s just so precious.”

You sleepily smiled at her, as she grabbed her purse to walk out the front door.

“When should they be here?” Ethan asked, referring to your friends.

“Actually,” you said, pulling out your phone to check the time, “Any minute now.”

He started to get really anxious. He was hoping he’d have a little more time for his meds to kick in before he had to be face to face with more of the people he hurt, especially Chad. He wasn’t sure what to expect, but he was about to find out, as he heard light tapping on the front door.

“It’ll be okay,” you tried to assure him, as you got up to walk towards the door.

“Hey! Where’s that precious little angel?” Chad excitedly asked, turning the corner towards the living room. He stopped in his tracks the second he saw Ethan. The rage that built inside of him for months started to come to the surface as Tara walked in behind him, her eyes going wide. “What the fuck is he doing here?” Chad yelled, walking over to Ethan. He grabbed him by his shirt and pulled him up, so he was face to face with him.

You bolted around the corner, trying to step between the two boys as Chad stared Ethan down.

“Sleeping baby, right there,” you said, gesturing towards River as Chad face softened a little. “I know you’re pissed, but you need to calm down.”

“Yeah, babe. Let’s go outside for a minute,” Tara said, as he let go of Ethan’s shirt.

He listened to Tara, as they started to leave the room. He turned to look at Ethan one more time before he softly spoke. “If you hurt either of them, I’ll fucking kill you.”

Ethan didn’t say anything, he just stood there. He had so many different emotions on his face as he tried to pull it together, once again running through all the steps his psychiatrist drilled into his head before he was released from the hospital.

“You okay?” you asked, once Tara and Chad went outside.

He shook his head as he started to cry. You sat down on the couch and grabbed his hand, pulling him down to sit with you. Your arms wrapped around him as he sobbed into your chest.

“I’m so sorry, for everything,” he cried, “I think I should probably go.”

You pulled away to look at him, “You knew how this could go…Don’t try to run away from us the second you’re making progress.”

He wiped his tears as he looked up at you, “I’m making progress?”

“Yes, Ethan. It’s going to take a lot more work, but you’re already doing such a good job with her. Don’t let anyone else make you feel like you aren’t supposed to be here with me…or be here with her.”

You felt yourself start to tear up as you heard Chad and Tara walk back inside. Ethan intently watched Chad, not knowing what to expect as he sat beside him on the couch.

“Why are you here?” Chad questioned; his voice significantly calmer than before. “You fucked your life up, so you come here to get her to put the pieces back together?”

“Chad, stop,” you warned, as Tara chimed in.

“Just tell him what you need to say, Chad. Don’t be an asshole. He is River’s dad,” she said, looking over to the sleeping baby.

Chad sighed, looking at Ethan, “I don’t fucking trust you, and I don’t like that you’re here. You fucking hurt me, dude. I defended you time and time again whenever you were accused of anything. You know how awful I felt when I found out you were a part of the reason we were fucking terrorized and almost killed?”

The guilt was all over Ethan’s face as he tried to think of the right things to say to apologize, but there weren’t any. He knew he fucked up, and he knew that it was going to take a lot for the people he cared about to even begin to trust him.

“I’m sorry, for everything,” Ethan finally said, as everyone’s eyes were on him. “I tried to stop it, I really did.”

“We know you did,” Tara said, as River started to wake up.

Chad got up and walked over to the bassinet to grab her. She stopped crying the second she was in his arms. Ethan watched the interaction, feeling sick to his stomach. You reached down to grab Ethan’s hand, attempting to comfort him before he had a chance to show the emotion that was building.

“We missed you,” Chad whispered to the baby, as he sat down beside Tara.

You let them bond with her as you sat with Ethan. “You’re still her dad,” you reminded him, as he nodded.

“So, what’s the deal with you two?” Chad asked, noticing Ethan’s hand in yours.

“Oh, um…right now he’s just…trying to make things right,” you said, as his thumb rubbed against your hand. “He wants to be in her life, and I want to give him that opportunity.”

“Do you really think that’s a good idea? He doesn’t know the first thing about her,” Chad said, handing the baby to Tara.

“I’m trying to learn,” Ethan sighed, “I get it that you hate me. You have a good reason to, but I’m doing a lot better than I was.”

“Whatever you say,” Chad sighed, “She’s more forgiving than I am.”

Ethan nodded as you stood up. “I need to go put the laundry in the dryer. Please don’t try to kill him,” you said, walking away.

“Don’t we have to worry about him trying to kill us?” Chad joked, but you turned around, not thinking the joke was very funny.

“He’s working through things, stop intentionally trying to trigger him,” you said, as Chad’s eyes connected with yours.

“Sorry, dude,” he said, as Ethan mumbled “Thanks.”

After Chad and Tara started to get used to Ethan being around, you excused yourself to go shower. You wanted to take Ethan shopping to get anything he needed, and you had to look at least somewhat presentable before you could do that. You even put on a little bit of makeup, hoping to hide the dark circles under your eyes.

You grabbed Ethan’s laundry out of the dryer and took it upstairs. It didn’t take long to fold it because he really didn’t have much. When you went back down the stairs, you got a bottle ready for River, knowing she’d be hungry soon.

Like clockwork, she started to cry as soon as it came out of the warmer.

“Hey, can I borrow my kid?” you asked Chad, as he gently passed her over to you. “Thanks,” you smiled, sitting beside Ethan. “You want to feed her?” you asked, as Ethan nodded.

Chad and Tara nervously watched him, but soon started to relax when they realized how gentle he was being with her. He’d gotten some practice during the feeding sessions in the middle of the night, but he was still terrified when it came to the burping part. He was scared he’d hurt her fragile little body, so he passed her off to you once she was done eating.

“Oh, I almost forgot,” Ethan said, going to the cart that extra baby blankets and clothes, and grabbed a burp cloth.

“Thanks,” you smiled, as he handed it to you. You adjusted her so she was laying on your shoulder, before patting her back. “Do you think you guys could babysit for a little bit?” you asked Chad and Tara.

“Of course,” Tara smiled, “Where are you going?”

“Ethan and I are going out for a little bit to get some things,” you said, as Ethan looked at you, unaware of the plan. “We talked about this last night,” you sighed, as he started to remember the conversation from the night before.

“Yeah, uh, I guess I should go change,” he said, getting up and heading up the stairs.

Once he was out of earshot, Tara started to whisper, “Do you feel safe going somewhere with him by yourself?”

“I’ve been here with him by myself,” you shrugged, as Chad started to shake his head.

“I know you want to give him a chance but is this really what’s best for you and River?” he asked, genuinely concerned for you and your daughter’s wellbeing. “Would you feel comfortable with him watching her by himself? He messed his whole future up.”

“It’ll be a long time before I could trust him alone with her. Fuck, I don’t even fully trust him being here,” you sighed, “But he’s trying to prove himself. He’s been through a lot.”

“You have, too, though,” Tara said, “You went through a pregnancy without him. You had the baby without him.”

“He didn’t know,” you started to defend him, as Chad got irritated.

“How was he supposed to know? He was busy trying to kill people,” he said, “I don’t want you to take this the wrong way, because we’ve been so happy to help…but it’s almost like a slap in the face to see you giving him a chance after we’ve been here for you through it all.”

“Please don’t look at it like that,” you said, your eyes starting to water, “I appreciate everything you guys have done. I appreciate everything that you’ll still do to help me out. If he fucks up, I already told him he doesn’t have anymore chances. Just try to be there for me while I figure this out.”

Chad and Tara both nodded, before you noticed that River was sound asleep laying against you. You swaddled her before putting her in the bassinet, and started to wonder what was taking Ethan so long.

The truth is, he never fully made it up the stairs once he heard everyone start to talk about him. He was silently sobbing as he stood on one of the stairs, not knowing what the best move would be. He could just grab his stuff and jump out the window, or he could keep trying to prove himself.

When he thought back to the conversation after he fully expected Chad to punch him, when you told him that he was making progress, he started to smile through his tears. His meds usually made him feel numb, but being back in your life was the first time he’d started to feel emotions again, and he was determined to prove to you that he was going to be an amazing dad.

[auxins-insanities]

i am so fucking tired of this post, this is my third time writing it because my tumbkr tab keeps reloading when im inactive on it for likw. 2 minutes. and it never saves as a draft.

there will be some typos because im tired

but yeah ill be talking about a song that reminds me of vic because im normal

wooooooooo time to break down every vic core line

Keeping Secrets (Fit For A King)

Is there a way out A way out from the let-down I'm living in? Some refuge from the cloud I'm under

vic's pov. like. "when will i ever stop being tortured. when will you (Alan) finally let death be permanent. is that even possible.

Living in lies, what I am is never good enough

however much they try to fight back or escape, they cant. Alqn is more powerful and they are tiny.

There's no hope if I give them nothing

eventually vic just stops responding. they do nothing. (yes yes i know this would be out of order timeline wise shoot me)

And now I'm dead in the water

fhis one is quite literal, considering they were drowned at least once.

I'm afraid it's too late to change

i can imagine at some point victim believes that maybe under the right circumstances things could work out. that maybe if they just survived long enough they could talk it out or something. maybe Alan is capable of more that jsut cruelty. they eventually stop desperately clinging to this idea, tjough. it isn't helping them.

You're the pin, I'm the hand grenade

THIS. THIS LINE MAKES ME SO INSANE. like. likw. vic was Alan's release. any pent up emotions could be thrown at this stick figure, instead of being violent or lashing out at "real people."

victim's the pin, Alan's the hand grenade

How can words of hope hold weight When I can't believe when I tell them to myself?

we saw one of mitsi's lil notes saying to have a good day, so i can imagine that its really hard for vic to keep mitsi's level of positivity, ESPECIALLY now that she's gone.

I can't feel heart through the violence

im tired and dont know how to explain it but this is a very vic core line okay

But I'm coping with the feeling of your disappointment

vic knows mitsi wouldn't want them to do all this. xe would not want these terrible violent acts done in xyr name. and vic doesn't know how to feel about that. what to think about what she'd say.

im skipping chorus 2 because theres still another one and going over both would be redundant

Now the cold hard truth I'm miserable and panicked now

victim going through Agent's memories to find mitsi's death. i know we're supposed to be talking about vic right now but there was something about how fucking defeated Agent looked after mitsi died that just. ough this man makes me want to cry

I thought that I could numb the pain But I'm just losing myself again

that right there is just victim in a sentence. they were getting better, they were moving on. but now that the one helping them is gone, they've gotten so much worse, arguably worse than before Mitsi. they're violent with disregard for others' lives, spiralling.

And now I'm dead in the water

this time it's more metaphorical. they're obviously not dead, no, but they lost so much of thesmelf when Mitsi died.

I'm afraid it's too late to change

this is where the roles change. it's too late for VICTIM to change. they've gone in so deep, done so much that in their mind, healing and moving on isn't even an option anymore.

It's like I've held up a gun to everyone that I love

this is another one that im not sure how to explain but this is vic.

You're the pin, I'm the hand grenade

i imagine victim was always one step away from a revenge quest. Mitsi just kept them said step back. she helped them heal, to find ways of dealing with trauma that arent just sitting there drowning in it. she ALSO probably offered some kind of release for any kind of emotion, they could tell her anything. she is the reason that victim didn't do this sooner. but now that xe's gone, they have no one holding them back from all this.

mitsi was the pin, victim's the hand grenade. and you know what happens when you take the pin out.

in trying to take revenge on Alan, they are now no better than him.

ANYGAYS THERE YA GO. JUST UHHHHHH THINK ABOUT IT.

heres the song, i do recommend listening to it even if its just for this to make more sense.

[leah2eroes]

about your dress post: do you want to wear one and just haven't gotten to try it yet?

thats a very complicated question for me. so complicated that im putting my longwinded answer beneath a cut

its piqued my curiosity obviously but like. i dont think itd be something that suits me. i feel like its too femme for me to be able to pull off. though, i do often wonder if my lean towards being butch is out of a geniune desire to be butch (because i mean thats definitely a contributing factor; butches are so goddamn fine and that includes me :p ) or because i doubt my capability to present as femme. or at least in a way i would be satisfied with.

i do think theres some self image issues i need to tackle in that regard. i think ive worked myself into a tangle of negative thoughts surrounding myself as one does when presented with an onslaught of transphobic media about transfeminine people looking like blokes in dresses. i think people downplay how brave specifically transfem folks are when it comes to dressing how they want yknow? not to get all whiny about how trans men have it easier (lets not open that can of worms yeesh), but we cant ignore that in broader society, a nonpassing trans woman is seen as a sexual predator. you fellas dont have to contend with that, at least not nearly as much.

though again i dont even know if being more femme would be something im interested in. like sure, i want to be more 'womanly' because its probably the closest i can get to what would be "correct" (though its a ways off for various alterhuman reasons lol its mostly for the tits haha). i dress butch because its neutral. i dont even know if i want to be read as a woman (but i mean id prefer it over being read as a man) but i mean i dont think id be against it? people have said i would look good in a sundress (though those people also dont like me now so whos to say really?)

i think the bottom line is, im a little afraid of leaning femme out of fear that i wont like it. i worry that i dont have like, the right body right now? thats not indicative of whatever anyone else wants to do or sees themself; its more that maybe i want to wait until i look more like a woman to myself. i want it to be an option for me; im simply not brave enough to pull it off yet. i mean maybe one day ill be brave and wear the dress and never look back and be so much happier for it! maybe ill love myself for realsies. but for now im more comfortable (in many senses of the word) not delving into that sort of thing.

NOTE: MY DYSPHORIA IS IRRATIONAL. THE THINGS I SAY ABOUT MYSELF ARE NOT INDICATIVE OF HOW ANY OTHER TRANS PERSON SHOULD SEE THEMSELVES. my cringe poison brain dictates too much in my own life. dont let it dictate anything in yours. youre all beautiful and i love you.

(also i dont have the money for that shit LMAOOOOO dresses are so expensive)

[the-s1lly-corner]

tadc x reader with a bat/bird bodytype? can be romantic or platonic idc, maybe they have difficulties trying to adjust to the "i guess my fingers are wings now" situation? (got inspired by my tadc oc lol)

TADC x bird/bat!reader !

unfortunately striking this with the curse of limiting myself to only some of the characters thanks to me having a overly difficult time coming up with unique ideas im so sorry </3

CAINE:

im a little stumped, because i think he would help you in some way just not in the same was as ragatha/gangle (im actually writing these in reverse TToTT)

though i do think he would try to help you fly, if you possess the capability

i mean, you should, right? i mean you have wings, afterall! thats his reasoning!

probably starts off really strong, though. i mean yeah sure you cant really die in the digital world but i dont think that would make tossing yourself off one of the tall structures in the carnival any less terrifying... "baby birds do it all the time" my ass!!!

youre gonna have to ask him to tone it down and take things slow

when you do manage to get your feet off the ground he flies by your side and i think thats just sweet because hes not letting you learn and go through it on your own

RAGATHA:

stealing this idea from gangle's part but i think ragatha would be the type to help you relearn how to hold things in your new 'hands'

lots of words of encouragement, puts the object back in your hand when you drop it. she is not going to give up on you, but she will lay off if you're beginning to stress out over it; she doesnt want to upset you :(

she likes doing your hair since you have new difficulties with it, also its just another excuse to be close to you. as well as offering a minute for the two of you to just sit down and talk to each other, not worrying about anything else. its just you two in one of yalls rooms. unbothered by anything thats happening outside the door

its nice, actually

GANGLE:

okay so hear me out, imagine you and her are hanging out and shes trying to help you get used to your new hands and just

shes helping you keep a grip on a pencil while you relearn how to write and and and and :( shes so so soft and patient with you

if youre a bird i like to think she keeps any feathers you shed or otherwise lose, and probably even incorporates them into her art (especially if you two are romantic) and gifts it back to you

i dont know how to word it but theres something inherently sweet about the idea, like how some people will keep the hair of their lost loved ones in a locket in the middle ages

similar energy, except you're still around

[nickeverdeen]

Request: “Hi!! I was wondering if your could possible match me up with someone from arcane? I hope im doing this right loll (Im sorry if im doing it wrong </3) Im a girl and Im bi and I use She/Her pronouns and im 5’2.I love baking, arts and crafts, And a big passion of mine is music but i dont play instruments i just really really love music and lyricism. To pass time Im either gaming, Scrapbooking,decorating my room because i collect stuff like Smiskis or im creating outfit combos, im also pretty feminine. I also write but sometimes i get horrible writers block because I compare myself to other writers </3, I also talk alot about stuff im passionate about. for the stuff i dont like, I really hate the feeling of weird textures and i hate the feeling of being dirty like having mud on myself but i do think it can be fun to throw stuff like snow at my friends. Sometimes i feel like i have imposter syndrome when it comes to my sexuality because ive never really been with a girl before because of where i live, and i also get stressed when i think about the future. For my personality I like to think that im a kind person who hears people out about their issues and i give alot of advice to my friends, im really passionate about the stuff i like, but when i get mad i get really mad ykwim? Im an ENFP and when meeting new people i kinda need help because i can be really awkward and quiet. In partners i really just want someone funny who wants to get to know me and who will remember stuff about me, and i really like pda :3 Agian, Thank you so much!! Im sorry if im doing this wrong :(In partners i really just want someone funny who wants to get to know me and who will remember stuff about me, and i really like pda :3 Agian, Thank you so much!! Im sorry if im doing this wrong :(“

Your Arcane match is…

Ekko

Ekko would curate playlists for you based on your favorite artists or songs

He’d eagerly join your arts and crafts sessions, even if he’s not great at them, just to spend time with you

Ekko would help you bake, playfully smearing flour on your face and acting dramatic about his creations like

Ekko is all about PDA—holding your hand, sneaking kisses on your forehead, and pulling you in for hugs no matter where you are

He’d surprise you with small, unique trinkets or collectibles for your room that remind him of you

Whenever you feel insecure about your sexuality or anything else, he’d reassure you

He’d throw snow at you with precision and then dramatically pretend to surrender just to make you laugh

Ekko would help ease your stress about the future by focusing on the present and reminding you how capable you are

Whether he’s good or bad at the game, Ekko would always cheer you on and tease you if you beat him

Ekko would light up when you talk about your interests, loving how animated you get when discussing your favorite topics

He’d hype up every outfit you create, insisting you look amazing no matter what you’re wearing

Ekko would help you navigate meeting new people, keeping the energy light and fun while subtly supporting you

Ekko would remember little things you mention, surprising you with them later—like your favorite snack or a small reference to your favorite lyric

He’d suggest spontaneous trips to explore new places, whether it’s a cozy café or a hidden mural, encouraging your creative spark

He’d keep you away from muddy or gross situations, knowing how much you hate weird textures, but would play along with harmless fun like throwing snow

Ekko would love staying up late with you, sharing dreams, fears, and random thoughts while holding you close

His sense of humor would keep you smiling no matter what, from silly impressions to inside jokes only the two of you understand

[olivianyx]

Hi so im aware that self concept has an important role in manifesting but back when i was a child my parents used to say that im dumb, talentless and not capable of anything. This is a trauma that i have and i dont really believe myself that i can manifest my desires

Hi! Thanks for the ask! I dealt with this same trauma since I was a kid. It's gonna be a long post ahead, but it might be worth the read.

So basically, self concept plays a very important role in manifesting. Especially which determines our perspective of our entire reality.

So what's self concept? It's the beliefs that one holds in his/her life and the responses of others.

So as you said, the childhood trauma that prevents us from experiencing what we want, is like a blockage in our minds. But we as conscious manifestors, should know that mind is an illusion. Thoughts are an illusion, ego is an illusion, trauma is an illusion, blockages are an illusion.

But we get lost in the illusion, and we started identifying as the illusion. But it's not our fault that the society moulded our brains like this since childhood. So the first thing I'mma ask you to do is, STOP BEATING YOURSELF UP. Like literally please.

We're literally the Gods of our realities, so why are we giving our power to a trauma? A past that doesn't even exist. We're limitless and the useless wiring in our brains has lead to all these.

We can ofc heal trauma, only if we treat ourselves with love, gentleness, and peace.

Here's a method that worked for me, so I'm sharing it with you.

First, let us put everything down and sit by ourselves. Then, let's ask ourselves to be truthful. Ask yourself how are we doing. If there's an answer, continue asking it, is it doing fine... If there's an answer. Try to sooth yourself if there's a negative answer (this always worked for me cus trauma affects our body reactions too. So when I tried soothing myself, my body, like gently stroking your arms, or patting your shoulders, and hugging yourself)

When I do this to myself, I start to tear up cus there was no one hold me or sooth me during harder times, so I give myself time to cry it all out (this works 100% of the time)

secondly, I accept everything the trauma tells me (actually if you accept it, there won't be any resistance) so I accept that I was useless, I was worthless, I was a mistake, I was a disappointment, I did nothing in my life, I won't ever achieve anything in my life, and so on. Till the voice inside is slowly dying away.

Then I start to meditate for a few minutes, sometimes I put on a subliminal or a song too. And then I start to tell myself that, it was the past, the past is in the past, it doesn't exist now. I can now, this moment be a better person ever, cus I am.

Summary:

And I start to affirm/listen to subliminals, and then there was nothing telling me I was useless and shit. I try to sooth myself still more with gentleness. I didn't beat myself up. I just affirm that I am a better person now and go on with my self concept affirmations.

This is what helped me cured my trauma, but not completely, even now I do get thoughts of it, but now I'm aware it's just an illusion. Sometimes I cry alot too, even now. Just to feel better. So I've decided that I'm gonna revise that, I never had trauma.

Summary here,

1. Don't beat yourself up

2. Be gentle with yourself like dealing with a baby

3. Ask yourself to be truthful to yourself to whatever questions you ask

4. Ask how is it doing, and next is it really doing okay

5. Sooth your body with stroking moments

6. Cry if you feel like, and let it all out

7. ACCEPT IT

8. meditate for a few minutes after you've calmed down

9. Tell yourself you're now a better person and the past is just past now and it doesn't exist

10. Continue with your self concept routine as usual, whatever you consider doing.

I hope this will help many people out there and you too :) love you 🤍 you can do it! If you have any more doubts you can still ask me what ever, I'm here to help you 🤍