#rambly vent

[the-sweetest-little-angel]

It's why hate own jealousy too. Jealous of people that close. But not their fault. Jealousy stem from fact that do not have that. But want to. And doesn't know how to. Want to get close and be less alone. Jealousy because impatient with self and hate self's struggles. Come from neglect. abuse. trauma. Cannot just undo that. Cannot do that in current situation.

Jealous that...can't understand how social works. Remind self that it is in head. Person not care, person not judge, person not mean. Person already consider us friend. Person know has social problems and very isolated. Person know how that feel. But bpd and issues make feel like...alone. Like just want attention. Like needy cat. It not person. It not other people. It not me. It situation. And not in place where can just force better. Takes time. Must be patient with self.

But when bpd want attention and love and closeness. Want what they have now. It makes impossible be patient with self. Like...why can't have that?

Can't have that right now. But will one day. Because need focus survival. And have struggles. Will be okay. Will have that. Person and people care. Shut up bpd. Shut up trauma. Angel not alone. System not alone. Have more people than before. Stop make so desperate.

Just feeling the crushing pain of isolation. These first friends and people in long time. And have feelings for one of them. And want to be loved. So get jealous easily. Because wants faster progress. But these first people have in long time. It take time to learn skills. It takes time to not be scared. Always run away from social. Always run away like scared shaking people trapped in corner. So it takes time. They know that. I know that. But not like wait for time. So bpd make jealous and needy and upset. Healing growing take time.

At least aware bpd not real feelings. And trying not blame self for emotions either. It reasonable after much neglect and abuse, neglect still bad now. To see essentially what life want live, but can't. Because barely living. But will not be same forever.

[miitopia-cake]

me looking for ace/aro characters: lets go gambling!

[character's sex repulsion is used for jokes] aw dang it

[character is put in sexual situations despite disliking it] aw dang it

[character's identity is ignored by fandom] aw dang it

[characters creators sexualize them] aw dang it

[aro character gets 'fixed' by true love] aw dang it

[aro/ace character is literally an animal] aw dang it

[creator messes up definition of asexuality] aw dang it

[characters asexuality is never brought up in media] aw dang it

[teaboot]

You know being transmasc after a life of growing up as the sole "girl" in male-dominated areas gives you a weird and complicated relationship with gender identity.

Like... being told straight to your face, "you're naturally bad at this cause you're a girl", "you're naturally weaker cause you're a girl", "you can act tough but you'll always just be a girl", "stop acting like you can keep up with the men", and even the well-intentioned, "Yeah women are like that, but you don't count, you're basically one of the boys"...

It leads you to this weird space where it's like. "Fuck you, women kick ass," and then busting yourself up to prove that you, a woman, *can* keep up, and not only keep up but do it better than anyone else, and taking pride in your femininity because it's not a fucking weakness, but at the same time knowing that... You're not a woman.

You're not a woman. You're not a girl. People just see tits and curves and decide that nature made you delicate, and then all of a sudden it's your responsibility to prove that you're not fucking weak, women aren't weak, while also saying, "I'm not a woman, though."

It's... bizarre.

I'm not a girl. But so long as I'm interpreted as one, I'm still gonna be held back by the same stereotypes. But if I ever stop being interpreted as one, then all the hard fucking work I put in to excel in my field is going to go down the toilet as "just something you can do because you're a man".

And fuck that. That's stupid, too. Guys shouldn't have their effort taken for granted like that, and it stings extra hard because you remember people just naturally assuming you suck and earning respect only to lose it immediately the second you step over to the "man" side. Because you've worked your whole life for something that as a man you'd just be expected to have naturally.

You SEE that shit staring you in the face, and worst of all people still walk around you in plain view and still talk about how women can't do shit and conveniently forget that you've BEEN ONE. "Because you were a man all along" or "because you overcompensate to prove yourself", whatever they think of to justify the cognitive dissonance that keeps their narrative going.

Nobody seems to consider that I'm not really different from women OR men, because those differences don't exist.

I'm not "naturally better" than women because I don't identify as one, and I'm not "worse than" men because I wasn't assigned the title by a third party. I'm just a person. We're all just people.

I'm just tired, man.

[starsofang]

simon was the only one who could understand you. of course, he understood your interests and your distastes, but he was the only one who could understand you.

on days where you couldn’t get out of bed, couldn’t shower, couldn’t live, simon was the one who understood. he’d lay in bed with you, bathe with you, even when he barely fit in the tub and would have to maneuver his legs in an uncomfortable position to fit the both of you.

when the world was against you, simon stood tall by your side.

when you didn’t have it in you anymore to keep on going, simon gave you a second chance.

he knew how you felt. how when things got bad again, nobody was there to pick you back up, to tell you things will be okay, to hug you. simon never had that for himself, so when he met you, a shattered reflection of himself, he provided you with what he didn’t have.

unconditional love. undying affection. admiration on days where you felt you didn’t deserve it. everything he didn’t get before you, he gave you twice as much.

simon glued back your broke pieces with the utmost care. and when you broke again, he’d do it all over.

simon loved you for you. he loved every fragment that cracked along the way. loved you on days where you didn’t love yourself, and loved you on days where you felt like you were on top of the world.

where most people saw an ugly flower, shriveling up into rotted petals, he saw the garden of eden blossoming right before his eyes. he watered every intricate flowers, providing you with warm rays of sunshine in order to assure you would grow.

he took his time with you. he remained patient, because love always is. after all, you can’t bloom a garden without the occasional parasite or weed, and simon would get on hands and knees, fingers in the dirt if it meant tending to you.

[dumplingsjinson]

List of “sweet and intimate actions which make me go feral and have me folding like a folding chair” prompts 

Character B carding their fingers through Character A’s hair and playing with the strands.

Character B peeling back the neck of Character A’s turtle neck sweater to trail gentle kisses down their neck. (This!! It is so hot, and it's everything I didn't know I needed until now, and I cannot stop thinking about it wlkfnlkwe)

Character B placing their arm around Character A’s waist while in public, resting their chin on Character A’s shoulder. “Hello,” they say in a teasing tone as Character A tries to grab ahold of their hand to keep it there but fails a few times before successfully doing so. 

Leaning against each other while in public.

Spooning and back hugs.

Character B letting Character A rest their head on their chest; lets them listen to their heart beat. 

Character B whispering sweet nothings into Character A’s ear.

Character B checking in on Character A to make sure they’re comfortable and okay with the way things are going; to make sure they’re not being too much. “You’re not,” Character A would reassure, repositioning themselves to get closer to Character B.

Just cuddles and snuggles in general.

Neck kisses.

Kisses littered all over the face. (!!! It's one thing to read about it and one thing to experience it wlejbfewljn)

Character B tucking Character A’s head under their chin while they’re cuddling.

Character B nuzzling their neck and breathing in Character A’s scent/fragrance, and commenting on how nice they smell.

Character B making sure Character A gets home safe by driving them home.

Character A telling Character B to message them when they get back home safe, and once Character B gets home, they follow through by sending a message to let Character A know they’ve gotten back home safe.

Taking naps together, from day till night, waking up every now and then to get more snuggles in. 

That soft exhalation of adoring laughter leaving Character B’s mouth after kissing Character A (this shit had me folding so fucking hard it’s not even funny. I Am Weak). 

That soft exhalation of laughter once again just because Character B is so content with having Character A in their presence, and Character A just basking in how cute that sound is and how happy it makes them. 

Character B entangling their legs with Character A’s, pressing their bodies flush against each other’s, leaving little to no space between them. (It’s almost like they can’t get enough of Character A.) 

Kissing so many times, to the point where they lose track of how many times they’ve kissed already. 

Holding hands and lacing their fingers together while they’re cuddling.

Comparing hand sizes and giggling about it together.

Character B stroking Character A’s hair while they’re asleep. (Or uh, pretends to be asleep DJSKKSKDSK but it’s so FUCKING CUTE WHEN HE DID THAT IM GONNA SCREAM, me thinking moments like these only happen in Korean dramas or some shit anfkakfksk-)

The sweet little banters in between; Character B being all cheesy and Character A playfully deflecting their comments only for Character B to playfully push back with an “Is something wrong with that?” or “But I’m not lying.”

Falling asleep in each other’s arms, both not wanting to leave the bed for the entire day and wanting to stay comfortably snuggled up against each other instead.

Character B placing their hands on Character A’s shoulders, and Character A, with a grin on their face, gently grabs Character B’s hands and wraps their arms around their neck while leaning back into them. Character B reciprocates by hugging them closer to them.

The soft noises of content Character A makes when they snuggle closer to Character B, or when they want Character B to hold them closer to them, with Character B happily obliging. 

Character B rubbing their cheek against Character A’s.

Character B trying to not wake Character A up because they look so comfortable when sleeping. (His words, not mine.) 

Soft, repeated pecks on the lips, causing Character A to laugh/smile against Character B’s lips. 

[sc3n3-doll]

Notes Motivation

Pink- Done

Blue- Hit and halfway there

Red- hit and not started

50 notes- I'll come out to my parents

100 notes- I'll come out to my entire family

150 notes- I'll try to eat more

200 notes- self-care day

250 notes- I'll throw away my blades

300 notes- I'll actually tend to my cuts

350 notes- I'll ask my math teacher for help

400 notes- I'll give my boyfriends jacket back

450 notes- I'll do a new years resolution

500 notes- I'll plan a sleepover w/ IRL friends

550 notes- I'll bake more often

600 notes- I'll take my medicine

650 notes- I'll (try) to stop drinking

700 notes- I'll try to stop vaping

750 notes- I'll ask my parents to get me back into therapy

800 notes- I'll do my homework

900 notes: I'll clean my room

950 notes- I'll read a new book

1000 notes- I'll actually finish all my unfinished cosplays

tags- open

[letsventstuff]

This feeling of nothingness is gnawing at my bones again.

[kenapiece-main]

THE INVISIBLE IS VISIBLE TODAY! LET'S GOOOO HAPPY AROMANTIC VISIBILITY DAY

[ghoulinfuschia]

Romantic breakups suck, but I think platonic breakups hurt just as bad. You lose a person you thought would be around forever. What’s worse is if neither of you did anything wrong. Circumstances just wouldn’t allow it anymore. You stand at the end of your journey together, side by side, and all you can say is “Thank you for everything. I hope the future treats you kindly.”

[sixty-silver-wishes]

sorry america but you’ve been really mean. and I don’t want to go to your birthday party in two days

[foldingfittedsheets]

Trying not to have a breakdown on the sales floor at the moment.

My work accommodation guarantees I get three days off a week. This has been working fine. But then my manager realized our work days are written Wednesday-Tuesday. He gave me four days off one week and since then has given me two days off with the third happening at the end of my work days and just shifts around what days I’m working so I never actually get three consecutive days.

So I’m on week two of two days off. I desperately needed to recharge today but I whimsically checked my schedule this morning to see what time I worked tomorrow only to realize I was late to work today.

I’m about to break down sobbing in the middle of the mattress store. My head is pounding. I couldn’t even eat breakfast because I wasn’t up early enough for my medication. And oh fun fact we open an hour early the day after Christmas. Because fuck me in particular.

[gremlingirlsmell]

Yea, I'm pro TransUnity™.

I would like a united community! But to accomplish that you don't shut down anyone talking about intra-community issues and saying we "divide the community" or are "playing opression olympics". Rather, you need to listen.

Listen to transmisogyny-affected people about intracommunity transmisogyny. Listen to trans poc about intracommunity racism. Listen to disabled trans people about intracommunity ableism. Etc, Etc.

Listen to people you want to share a community with you have privilege over, just LISTEN for once, without immediately snapping back! Maybe you'll learn something instead of alienating people you have privilege over and pushing them to make their own smaller communities. And maybe then we can finally have some fucking TransUnity™

[aingeal98]

The "Our dads are assholes club" founded by Cassandra Cain and Stephanie Brown current membership now includes Damain Wayne and Jason Todd, both there due to Bruce although they constantly argue that the other is a fake dad hater and their claim is more legitimate, and also Duke Thomas, who always starts the meeting by saying that he loves his parents. His biological father is the asshole NOT his actual dad. Everyone knows this by now but they hold space for his introduction speech before going into their biweekly Bruce bitching session and finishing up with depressing anecdotes about Cluemaster and David Cain that only Steph and Cass laugh about.

[starsofang]

you, who’s loved simon from the moment the two of you met.

simon, who needed more time to reciprocate.

you, who remained patient and kind until the end.

simon, who didn’t know he loved you back until he was staring at the picture displayed at your funeral, realizing that it was too late to tell you that he felt the same way.

[whathorselegs]

Hot take but Dazai and Chuuya do not have to be solely opposites in everything.

Just because Dazai can't do/isn't good at something doesn't mean Chuuya automatically can do/is good at that same thing. And Vice versa.

They are as similar as they are opposite, their dynamic doesn't have to just be boiled down to opposites attract.

As an example, I think Chuuya is given way too much credit for how put together he is in terms of domestic chores, especially when he's a teen! This boy was technically homeless until the mafia took him in. He was a child on the street, with no memory, who was taken in and raised by The Sheep. Who were other children living in a sewer! For at least some of the time Chuuya was in The Sheep he lived in a sewer. It probably took him years to actually learn how to consistently keep his home in order.

Yes, in Storm Bringer we are given a passage about how neat Chuuya kept his new apartment, but that was also because of how bare it was. He literally didn't know how to fill an apartment with anything but the bare necessities. I don't think we were supposed to read that passage and go "Wow, Chuuya's so neat!", we were supposed to go, "Wow, this kid has no idea who he is."

Dazai living in a shipping container is the worse scenario, but neither of their living situations reflect a stable one. They both have no idea how to make a home for themselves at that point. Chuuya is as proud of his own barren space as Dazai is of his. The real difference is Chuuya was given his apartment by the mafia, whereas Dazai picked his container. Chuuya is integrating himself into the mafia and Dazai is separating himself from it.

Their living situations are mirrors of each other as well as opposites.

Anyway, all this to say, skk (teen skk especially) should get to be as dumb as they are competent together.

[sparrow-in-boots]

EDIT: the viper example picture got changed to a proper viper species, thank you @/the-white-eye for the correction!

everytime i see the winged serpents drawn/modelled as vipers, my heart breaks a little bit

guys, they are specifically pythons!! :3 mouth shape and all!! the sole viper head we see is Messmer/abyssal serpent!!

pythons kill prey by strangling them with their bodies. vipers hunt through venom bite pounces. pythons are also more notably languid and slow compared to vipers or cobras. this isn't just a thematic distinction, but also a clear visual design cue, too!

in Volcano Manor and the Temple of Eiglay, you can see that the winged snake statues are Also python-headed. it's also notable that the snakes in the statues have fangs, and so do the winged serpents Messmer has. i doubt that's a coincidence.

and most importantly, the Great Serpent is also closer to a python than a viper or even a cobra. it's admittedly a more distinct head shape than any real-life snakes i'm aware of, but the longer snout, the scale patterns (particularly on the temples and side of the head), and the teeth type are not unlike an anaconda, actually.