#queen of mess and dysfunction

[firelise]

♪ my past can't escape me, my pussy precedes me, my my how the times change, I'm still playing the victim ONLY FRIENDS as SZA Lyrics 1/? -> BLIND

[ash-says]

Hey Girl, Tired of Being Told to "Be Nice"? ‍

Forget the sugar and spice, it's time for some fire and ice! This ain't your mama's self-help blog. Here, we ditch the damsels in distress routine and learn to be the queens of our own damn castles.

Remember the following mantra's while interacting with this blog:

"Kill or get Killed."

"Be Pretty. Be Petty."

We're all about unleashing your inner boss babe and conquering your goals with a side of sass. Here's a taste of what you'll find on this hot mess of a blog:

1. You are your own saviour.

Survival 101

Tips for Dysfunctional Family Girlies Part 1

Tips for Dysfunctional Family Girlies Part 2

Saviour Complex Fever

Tried and tested Manipulation Techniques

2. Quit Being Basic, Get Iconic

Mini steps towards being independent

Devil may care- A guide on being unbothered

Tips on how to be Goody Two Shoes and Pure in the society's eyes

Be Bold. Be Shallow

Being Audacious

The vicious cycle of Needs, Wants and Demands

The Art of People-Pleasing and how to Fail at it

Corporate Tips

Things to be aware as a hopeless romantic

22 highlights for the next year for me and you

3. Mic Drop Talk

Tips to improve People Skills/ Being more Charismatic

Practicing Tact and Open mindedness

Listening techniques

Handling curiosity so the cat doesn't gets killed

Hush Hush Honey

Tips on how to dodge personal questions in a Professional Setting

4. Mind Over Matter

Cheating Anxiety With Me

Exercise and staying fit

How to tackle Fragmented Sleep/ Sleep disruptions

5. Siren School

Being in touch with your sensuality

How to feel sexy instead of cute

6. Opinion Time

Opinion Time 1

Opinion Time 2

Opinion Time 3

7. Random Motivation

Motivation 1

Motivation 2

Motivation 3

Motivation 4

Motivation 5

Motivation 6

Is that Britney Spears ,"Gimme more" playing in the background??

I know you'll be coming back for more like a moth to a flame.

[hwangism143]

𓆩♡𓆪 how skz would propose to you. 𓆩♡𓆪

BANG CHAN

he would invite you over (or sneak, i should say) to the studio for a date cuz you both do this all the time

sometimes, he plays you snippets of songs he's working on, other times, you're just talking the night away while getting some work done

anyways, today he's playing you one of his songs

you're just completely immersed in the music and when it ends the lingering feeling of wanting more is left behind

how could it not? the song was about spending an eternity with you

you're about to turn around and profess your love for chan for the millionth time when you see him

he's on one knee and lets out a choked, "i meant everything in that song. i didn't know what love was before i met you, but you have shown me love and so much more. marry me?"

ofc you say yes (i mean, i would) and just end up falling asleep on his couch

LEE MINHO

you guys go to your favorite cat cafe, and bring the kids (cats?) along with you too

suddenly, soonie comes along with a note stuck to her back - "will you be our parent? i mean, for real?"

you look at minho who's playing with the cats on the other side of the room, confused, but he doesn't see you

(actually, he's blushing like crazy and is too scared to make eye contact lmao)

that is until you walk over to him and give him a nudge

he's beaming at you (this boy istg) and gets down on one knee

"we can't let our kids be a part of a dysfunctional family. they another parent, and they love having you around. actually, no, they love you. and they wanna grow old with you. so. will you, uhm, marry me? their father?"

(pls im giggling at this myself)

SEO CHANGBIN

you guys are out on a date at a fancy restaurant and changbin's acting extra giggly

now mind you, this is seo changbin. extra giggly is far more than what you would imagine

you're finally done eating and slump against your chair when the server brings another plate of food

you look at changbin with a "bro. i'm full." but the bro in question is just looking at you.

you look down at the tray placed in front of you.

"will you marry me?" it says with a ring in the middle?

"be my permanent gym partner?" asks changbin hopefully

and you say yes (bcuz who in their right mind wouldn't ???)

HWANG HYUNJIN

we all know how extra this man is, so when he insists that you two go to the bookshop where you first met, you don't protest

you're scanning the bookshelf, reminiscing about how you both bonded over monet and jane austen at this very shop

then you here a little gasp in front of you

naturally, your first instinct is to turn around and check on hyunjin

and he is down on one knee, a sobbing mess (but still cute, y'know)

"you have, and always will be my muse," he says, "so will you make me the happiest man alive and do me the honor of being your husband?"

he slides the ring onto your finger and pulls you into a hug and you're both crying and laughing and

(i'm sorry this is so cute, goodbye)

HAN JISUNG

you had made up your mind - is jisung wasn't going to propose to you, you would propose to him

(get it, queen or king or gender non-identifying reader!)

and so you're on your rooftop building when he goes "i need to tell you something" and funnily enough, so do you

(i wonder what that's about... hehehe)

after a series of 'you first', 'no you'. jisung admits defeat and slides you over the ring box

wordlessly, you slide over your box

the two of you just start laughing because, idiots in love

and then you squish jisung and start peppering him with kisses

LEE FELIX

it's a beach date!

absolutely perfect, all complete with bokkie's brownies

but felix is acting kinda nervous.

(and by nervous i mean his face is beet red and he's stuttering like crazy)

(what can you say, my boy is in love)

you're eating the last brownie when he says "close you eyes"

you do and you hear some shuffling.

you open your eyes to a sniffling felix propped up on one knee. "can I be your personal brownie chef for the rest of forever?"

who can say no to an offer like that?

KIM SEUNGMIN

you both were coming home from one of your numerous dates

it was the perfect night to be walking outside, but seungmin seemed really shifty

he was NOT enjoying himself

"are you cheating on me?" you ask jokingly

"far from it actually," he retorts, suddenly letting go of your hand.

you turn to find him in the middle of the street with a ring in his hand

"marry me. will you? please? i've had this ring with me for months and i didn't know when to propose but now i know, well like i always knew-"

you promptly shut him up with a kiss and a breathless yes

YANG JEONGIN

nothing was going according to plan for innie. you spent too much time picking an ice cream flavor and he knew that he was spending too much time at this clothing store

but they just got a new collection

and so he waits until you both are done so that he can take you to that really drmamtic fountain in front of the mall and propose to you

but watching you pick out your clothes, he realizes he wants to do this for the rest of forever

so this man promptly plops down on one knee in the middle of a department store and screams, "WILL YOU MARRY ME AND BE MY SHOPPING BUDDY FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE? WE CAN BE EACH OTHERS PROBLEMS"

you just look at him confused holding up a t-shirt, "UH OKAY I'LL MARRY YOU AND WE CAN BE EACH OTHERS PROBLEMS"

you both are so loud that you nearly get kicked

(later he makes you buy him ice cream because he's a baby who's done a good job and deserves a reward)

[mysharona1987]

Re: Queen Elizabeth II. The prevailing theory was she refused to abdicate out of respect for the monarchy. But maybe she just understood the whole thing would be fucked the second she was gone?

No, I don’t think she was a saintly old lady. She was complicit in shit. She wasn’t a good person. But she was savvy enough.

Even she knew enough to know her family was a mess and not to be trusted.

The Crown is a bit of a ridiculous show and not accurate, but the final scene hits this point home.

Prince Phillip points out: “Everyone is too dysfunctional to cope without you.”

That was true.

[ficzhub]

The Foreign Woman

Aemond Targeryen x Older Myrish OC (Alexyse Majeríz)

Part 2:

✨✨✨✨

CW: hurt/comfort, beginnings of obsession, dysfunctional family, mother issues, comforting a child as an older child kinda, bloody injury (he just lost his eye), duplicitous OC.

*******

A/N: I couldn’t get this idea out of my head. No real editing. Blah. Also English isn’t my first language, plz have some mercy Jajaja.

*******

Summary: “She wasn’t meant to leave the poor little Prince with such a lasting inpression…”

*******

Alexyse is never more grateful and appreciative of the skills her parents imbued in her, as well as The Red Fingers, than when she's pretending to work in the castle as a maidservant. The tedium alone is enough to drive her mad, what's stopping her is her actual assignment. Not as violent as her parents' usually are, just gathering intel on the Hightowers and their children, but certainly more interesting than what she'd be doing without her nepotistic, less-than-legal employment. Until recently the only mildly interesting thing she'd done was make lye lavender soap and accept fresh milk from the boy ranch hand vying for her attention, if not more. She's only 17, three years early to have taken her first mission. She should feel proud, and thankful, that they're giving her the opportunity to prove herself early, for some assignments at least. They believe she can handle the task with all the subtlety and patience it takes.

What helps her the most is her memory, she can't write a single thing she hears or sees down, so she has to be sure to burn every detail she can in her brain and blend into the wait staff while she does. They won't tell her who exactly hired them, and likely won't even after she completes her duties. But all she's been made privy to so far is that Prince Aegon seems to have nothing better to do most of his days than abuse himself, given the state of his linens and bed clothes. Queen Alicent is almost certainly bedding the knight Cole, but anyone with basic observational skills could see that. If they think they're hiding anything, she fears for the realm. That poor Princess Helaena needs friends, especially if she's to wed that pathetic Aegon. He's 13 years old and all he does is fornicate, touch himself, drink and torment others, including his siblings.

They won't stop talking about how Princess Rhaenyra was a whore for having "plain-looking" bastards, she can't help but laugh at how no one but they seem to care. It never made sense to Alexyse to use the patrilineal line instead of matrilineal, you'll never doubt who gave birth but the seed could be anyone's. She misses Myr, misses her bed, most of all she misses the running water and the plumbing in Essos. Nothing disgusts her more than when she found out they still use chamber pots here. No one should be subjected to having to clean something like that out, regardless of their station.

Today is a softer day, for unfortunate reasons. Lady Laena Velaryon died, they're all there for her funeral. She's using the chance to properly search through the castle unencumbered by the usual amount of people living and working here. So far, all she knows is that the king is a very interesting leper. She always wondered why her mother chose such a slow acting poison to coat the throne's blades with, but that's her mission, not Alexyse's. The king's chamber's were more mess than could be comfortable for the aging, sickly man. Still, she cleaned as she searched for any useful information, desperately hoping for any secrets she could gain about these hypocrites. The only thing she found was a letter from Princess Rhaenyra admitting the father of her sons was Ser Harwin Strong and how she was thankful his grace didn't care. Ser Laenor never laid with her, seeing as he's 'incapable.'

"He's an idiot." She thinks to herself and steals away the letter to burn later. She's not sure who she works for but she's sure they wouldn't want this in the wrong hands.

The day past and the family and their immediate servants got back that night, suspiciously quiet and not even bothering to eat the dinner they'd demanded be ready for them upon return. They all went to bed without so much as a glance toward the food that had been freshly made for them specifically.

She followed the directions given to her by the steward and cleaned up the untouched plates of the children, as that was technically all she was supposed to be in charge of, then go up to the children's chambers and prepare their sleep. Get them their tea, their dental cloths and pastes, their sleeping clothes and their linens. Aegon's was the unpleasant endeavor she figured it would be, Helaena looked lonely as she always did but very nice to her and all the lady's maids.

She wasn't expecting to see what she saw when she entered Prince Aemond's chambers. There he was, a little boy of ten. Not looking princely or arrogant like his brother, but scared. He looked up at her surprised, covering most of his body with his old bed linens and cowering. What shocked her was the angry, red, stitched up scar on the side of his face and over his left eye. She stood there for a moment, unsure of what to do. She knows she should play her part, in this case what should be an apologetic, scared lady's maid and excuse herself. Perhaps alert his mother of his distress, but something tells her if he felt safe going to her, that's where he'd be.

In this moment she didn't feel like a member of The Red Fingers, she felt like a woman looking down at a little boy who's clearly scared and sad and who no one's bothered to comfort. He threw something at her, something soft and screamed at her to leave but she just stood there. She put the things she was meant to bring up here, tea tray, fresh bedding, etc on a table and closed the door behind her and locked it. She took off her filthy over-dressing, got into bed with the boy and took him in her arms against her chest.

"How could someone just leave you here, alone, after something like this has happened to you?" She asks out loud, quietly, not bothering with the titles and pomp.

He quickly relaxed in her arms and continued crying, only vaguely noticing her strange accent and drenching her undercoat in his tears.

Until a few minutes ago, he felt victorious. His face aches and burned despite the maester's ointments, but he claimed Vhagar, the biggest dragon alive. After years of mocking and snide comments from his bastard nephews and idiot brother, he claimed her. Flying back here on her had given him a high like nothing else.

It wasn't until he saw himself in the mirror that it dawned on him, entirely by himself in his chambers, that he's completely disfigured and he'll never see properly again.

How come he was the only one who had to pay this price for a dragon? Even Aegon bonded to Sunfyre without any real effort, Helaena as well. Why only him? It's not fair.

Despite knowing better, he didn't feel repeled by the young woman comforting him, rather the opposite. He longed for this kind of coddling from his own mother, but despite her grand show of motherly devotion earlier that day, once they'd come back home she was as cold to him as she always was to all of her children. But here this maid was, holding him as he cried as the queen was supposed to be doing, stroking his head and his back as he cried like an infant. He didn't even know her name, or why she spoke so differently, but she was giving him more solace than anyone else ever had.

As he felt more sobs escape his chest, he played with her dark hair. It fell over her chest and covered his pale hand in her ebony. He noticed how she smelled, of citrus and some spice he hadn't had before and it warmed him. He pressed his face into her neck harder, trying to memorize the scent, not caring it made the pain in his face worse.

"Should I get you milk of the poppy, sweetheart?" She asked, still not using his proper title and for some reason, he wasn't upset by that. Her refusal to call him "my lord" or "my prince" and instead calling him a pet name actually pleased him. He felt soothed, in her protective arms and tender tone.

"No," he muttered "just stay, please."

*******

Likes, reblogs, and comments plz plz plz plz I love them so much 🥹

[omgthatdress]

Everything I know about the royals comes from Tumblr memes and one bonus episode of a totally unrelated podcast but now I'm morbidly curious, so: what's up with William? And the Middletons? Or if that's a longer story than you want to explain, do you have recommendations for where to read about this that is likely to be fairly accurate?

I don't have any facts I just have pure fucking speculation if that's okay. :)

Like I've been saying for a long-ass time the one thing I absolutely LOVED about The Crown was its portrayal of generational trauma. It very skillfully showed how being a shitty husband who cheats on his wife and treats his kids like garbage was passed down from Prince Andrew of Greece and Denmark to Prince Phillip, Duke of Edinburgh to King Charles and then to Prince William. Hell, it probably started long before that but holy shit THE CYCLE OF DYSFUNCTION AND ABUSE BE REPEATING ITSELF.

And if you really want to dig into it, well.... I think he and Harry followed a pattern that a LOT of siblings of bitter and messy divorce fall into, one kid sides with the mom, one with the dad. It's been said a LOT that Harry was Diana's favorite son, so it probably started with that. And OF COURSE William is gonna side with Charles because well... he's the heir. They have that shared trauma.

And then there's the way the whole "heir and spare" thing absolutely perverts any relationship they might have had as brothers. Charles managed to have a decent relationship with his siblings, I think, because first of all, Anne was a girl, and then Andrew and Edward were significantly younger than him and Anne, so there wasn't this unnaturally massive imbalance of power between them. One of the reasons I've come to believe the monarchy should be abolished is because of how badly it damages the structure of a family in a way that no one should have to deal with.

I think Diana might have been able to guide William into being a better person if she'd have lived, but idk. It may be wishful thinking. His relationship with her became kind of strained when he was a teenager and she was going on TV to tell the whole fucking world about her sex life. I think Diana did the right thing exposing the family like she did, but I can also understand how a 13 year old boy would be absolutely humiliated by that.

THEN there's the whole way he was a MASSIVE heartthrob as a teenager, and was intensely sexualized for it. Like it will absolutely mess with you when you have girls screaming and throwing themselves at you when you're still trying to figure your own sexuality out. It will also massively inflate your ego and convince you that the whole world loves you and there's nothing you can do wrong.

SOOOOOO

as for his relationship with Kate. She's much harder to pin down because she hasn't spent her entire fucking life in the spotlight, and the Middletons are sill granted a certain degree of privacy that the Windsors aren't. I don't think they're as absolutely fucked up as Diana's family was but I still definitely think her mom was a major driving force behind her staying with William.

I think there actually was some initial mutual attraction and that they may have even actually been in love. Buuuut then he waited ten years to propose to her, during which he cheated and they broke up and got back together. Honestly, I don't know what Kate's damage was with all of that, whether or not she was able to convince herself that William wouldn't be another shitty husband, or if she was willing to put up with his bullshit if it meant she would be queen.

Diana was more or less picked out as a bride for Charles because it was assumed that she would be a meek and beautiful wifey who never caused any problems. I mean, she was 19 and he was 32 for fuck's sake. She very much wanted to be queen. BUT what everyone wasn't counting on was that Diana would *gasp* have some serious emotional needs. She was deeply traumatized by her own parents' incredibly bitter divorce, overwhelmed and deeply lonely in her position as princess, and on top of that, suffering from bulimia and then post-natal depression. She needed love and support and Charles spent the whole marriage balls deep in Camilla.

Kate had a much more stable upbringing and had more than a few months to get to know both William and what her role as a princess would be. Ultimately, the vibe I get from her is that she's willing to be the perfect meek beautiful wifey who puts up with William's bullshit if it means she can be royal, which is exactly what Diana was supposed to be.

And I don't mean that to knock or belittle her. She's good at it. She looks incredibly happy when she's doing that. It's her career. It's an exchange I can actually really understand making, especially when your only other prospects involved working for your parents' party company.

But I could be extremely wrong about all of this Maybe she's absolutely miserable but she feels like she has no other options and worried about losing her kids and is terrified of what happened to Diana. It's hard to know, and I wish The Crown would have at least committed to *something* rather than just brushing all of this off.

[a0random0gal]

If you had the chance to change something about the dance of the dragons (TV show or book), what would it be? For example, how a character dies, which team a house is on,or an entire character personally. How would you change it to make the story better, in your opinion?♥️🖤💙💚

Ohh anon i've got a list.

When it comes to the tv show there are a few choices the writers made that just don't sit right with me.

Laenor

I do like the characterization they went for, he's a pretty cool dude who really loves his weird, dysfunctional family. What I really don't like is how they handled his death.

See I truly can't stand it when a character is sugar coated just because they're the protagonist and thus must be righteous and always objectively correct.

So to witness the writers white wash his murder, having him flee to essos instead of being killed by Rhaenyra pisses me off. I get that after showing them being good friends it would be very odd to have her kill him.

But that's the thing, they should have opted for a more ruthless Rhaenyra in the first place!

Laenor's death in the books (at least for me) was the first instance of Rhae Rhae making morally wrong choices in order to pursue her ultimate goal. It was compelling! Here she just takes the easy way out, without having to make a tough choice.

Also his survival really fucks her up when you really think about it. Now all her sons are bastards since her marriage to Daemon isn't valid, and for the upcoming season 2, how are they going to handle Addam and Seasmoke? Laenor is still alive, his dragon won't accept a new rider. This doesn't make any sense and just causes plotholes what the actual fu-

Sidenote: After Laenor's very moving speech on how he was done goofing off and was now willing to really step up for Rhaenyra and their family it's super strange to imagine him ditching them all immediately afterwards Lol.

Rhaenys

My gosh, where do I even begin with this woman?

She too is pretty cool at the start, but then episode 9 rolls around and I roll my eyes.

She's so hypocritical. She tries to shit on Alicent for "toiling in the service of men." When that's all she does in the goddamn story!

She wants Baela to get Driftmark, tells Corlys about it, he shuts off the whole plan cause he wants a kid who he's not even related to on the driftwood throne, and when she complains about it he dismisses her.

So what does feminist Rhaenys do about it?

She... submits to her husband, something she conveniently forgets about when talking to Alicent. My god. Just remove this entire exchange, it hurts to watch.

And the coronation scene, Jesus Christ! It was so cool in the books, why did they have to ruin it? Had they replaced it with something better I wouldn't have complained, but this is just, the worst.

Rhaenys shows how badass she is by.... Brutally crushing hundreds of small folks to death and almost slaughtering the greens.

Cool, cool, absolutely necessary. Thanks Sara.

And you know what's even more infuriating? When she flees to Dragonstone to inform Rhaenyra of all that happened. She says she didn't kill the greens cause she didn't wish to start a war. I'm sorry what?

That would have ended the war at the start! As glad as I am that Rhaenys didn't barbecue them it makes absolutely no sense!

If she had killed them there would have been no dance in the first place!

I hate these dumb show only moments. They needlessly complicated an already complicated story and just mess everything up.

There's probably other stuff I could rant on, like how Aegon was made a rapist sorely to make the audience think:

Oh look! The greens are so baad, they believe a rapist alcoholic douche should be in charge instead of our empowered dragon queen, they sure do suck!

Or how house Velaryon was disrespected and mistreated by D*emyra but still somehow decided to support Nyra's claim.

They didn't really have a motive to be greens though, so I think they should have stayed neutral. Their fervent black support makes no sense.

The writers really should have given them more reasons to back up the blacks or had their beloved queen treat them better so that their loyalty made more sense ( I mean holy hell I wonder how they will handle the two betrayers and Corlys's arrest lmao).

But other greens have already shat on these awful decisions and I won't beat a dead horse.

Book

When it comes to fire and blood I surprisingly have very little complaints, except of course, the Jaehaera situation.

My poor baby deserved better, I've made a post about it in the past

(where I ranted and said stuff I kind of regret now, don't post while very angry guys I don't recommend it)

tackling how the little queen was unnecessarily killed off and how her death genuinely adds nothing so why was it added? God I get upset just thinking about it lol.

Some people say George did it cause he needed Aegon's kids to be born after Viserys's, and apparently he couldn't fathom a married teen not having kids until her 20s, which is veery weird.

The more plausible theory is that he got rid of her cause he wanted more Velaryon queens to showcase how close they used to be to the Targs.

Which is something I had understood already thanks to Alyssa, the sea Snake and all the Velaryons who were masters of ships but whatever.

[hannahhook7744]

Fate's A Bitch!;

Summary: The WORST™ thing that could happen to Anthony has happened. He's gotten a SOUL MARK. His grandmother will be so disappointed. Trigger Warnings: broken bones, minor violence, toxic friendships (pre-relationship), children being medics, swearing, panicking, dysfunctional relationships, etc.

Translations: Je m'en fous ! Je l'utilise pour une raison, alors fais chier, Dorothy!= I don't give a fuck! I'm using it for a reason, so piss off, Daphne! Oh, putain, quel gâchis.= Oh for fuck's sake, what a mess. 

Happy Valentine's Day and hope you enjoy your gift, @panthera-tigris-venenata !

—————————————————————————

It had been nine weeks since ‘Captain’ Harriet Alice Hook had broken Anthony’s nose after he had said something that, in hindsight, the thirteen year old knew was particularly stupid even for him. 

NIne weeks. 

And, according to Marya Rasputin—The Queen’s Fury’s self-appointed medic—, it took only about six weeks or less for a broken nose to heal with or without medical treatment depending on how severe the fracture was. And that any bruising around his nose or eyes should have gone away in two to three weeks. But it had been NINE and the knuckle shaped bruising on his nose hadn’t gone away and neither had the bruising on Harriet’s knuckles.

And, despite what many people liked to believe, Anthony wasn’t stupid—no matter how many stupid things he might have said in the past.

He knew that the ‘bruise’ on his nose was too red to be just a bruise.

He just didn’t want to admit it.

Because if he did, then he’d have to admit what it really was and destroy any and all credibility he had as a pirate (it was a pure miracle Harriet hadn’t kicked him out for disrespecting her) and as both the noble Lord Tremaine and an isle kid. Something he absolutely refused to do. 

Because if he did do that, his grandmother would be disappointed and then the rest of the adults would get mad at her for being disappointed, and it’d cause a fight so loud that everyone on the isle would know that Anthony had a soul mark. Then he’d be seen as weak and everyone younger than him in the family would be seen as free game to mess with. 

Something that couldn’t happen.

Anthony groaned, placing his head in his hands after giving up on trying to wipe the mark off in the hopes that it had simply been hair dye that had somehow gotten on his nose. “Oh, putain, quel gâchis.”

Only to jump when someone banged on the door. 

“Anthony, will you hurry up! There are other people in the house who need the bathroom!”

“Je m'en fous ! Je l'utilise pour une raison, alors fais chier, Dorothy!” Anthony snapped, more than a little tired and freaked out. 

“You can do your hair in your own room!”

“Oh shut up and go away!”

“Fine, Lord Tremaine,“ The brunette said mockingly. “But I’m telling your mom and mine that you swore at me!”

And with that, Dorothy walked away—causing Anthony to snap out of his wallowing and scramble for the door in all of his thirteen year old glory. His soul mark problem temporarily forgotten. 

 “No wait! Dorothy, wait!” 

[littlepetbee]

i've had the house to myself this weekend so i decided to marathon a bunch of movies that have been on my watchlist for aaages. here they are ranked bc i love making lists lmao:

Game Night: this one was far and away my favorite...it's a fun, clever mystery that's also funny as shit. rachel mcadams is the queen of comedy and also waving a loaded gun around like a crazy person. fuckin 10/10, you guys

I Love You Phillip Morris: listen. i avoid jim carrey like the plague - it's nothing personal, his face just irritates the shit out of me. but i'm SO glad i gave this one a try anyway...it was so cute and touching and gay little ewan mcgregor with his gay little earring is genuinely the softest, sweetest thing to ever exist. it makes complete sense that someone would become a conman for him lmao. 10/10

Bullet Train: thee action comedy lbr!! shoutout to @seeinhindsight for reccing this one to me. it was so well done...with all the winding storylines and running gags it easily could have been a tonal mess, but i feel like they knocked it outta the park. also the steady stream of "oh shit this guy's in it too???" was fun as hell. 9/10 just bc some parts made me sad and my movie ratings are based solely on how they Make Me Feel, not any objectivity lol

Attack The Block: my brain the whole time: YEAH BOY(EGA)!!!! an alien invasion movie with a Message and pre-star wars john boyega?? that was always gonna be a slam dunk for me. though i do gotta say watching british movies as an american is always jarring as hell bc there's no guns. it feels like the weirdest kind of unreality. anyways 8/10

This Is Where I Leave You: slowing things down and getting way more Serious here but i was surprised by how much i liked this one (though maybe i shouldn't have been, since dysfunctional families/siblings are kinda my bread and butter lmao). the surprise lesbianism-slash-lowkey-polyamory definitely elevated it, too! 7/10

Shattered Glass: 100% the movie you gotta show people when they try to say hayden christensen sucks at his job bc uhhh he ate that shit up. not to be #me about it, but if that dude can be that fucking cute the whole time and still make me wanna throttle him within an inch of his life, you know he was doing something right. 6/10

As Above, So Below: i was bummed at first when i realized it was one of those found footage horror dealios, but i actually ended up really liking it. and honestly for the setting, i think found footage really was the only way to go. the concept was super interesting and the horror aspects were sufficiently creepy without being enough to give me nightmares, which is about all my babyass can handle. 6/10

Everybody Wants Some!!: yeah the hoechlin 80's movie lol. it was fun! the characters were likable for the most part! the vibes were good! but B's cannot live on vibes alone (that's a bible verse, i'm p sure) so i was left wondering what the Point was. i am not the target audience for hangout movies, i'll tell you that lmao. 3.5/10

so that's the list!!! all in all a very great way to spend a weekend <3

[dangermousie]

Dramas for the first half of 2023

Now that we are six months into 2023, time to do one of these posts. I am gonna include both Korean and Chinese dramas, because why not and any drama I even checked out is on it.

DRAMAS WATCHED

29. Romance of Twin Flower  (China) - make it cease existing! My favorite het web novel got murdered and then had its grave spat on.

28. Dominator of Martial Gods  (China) - if MST3K still existed, this drama would be prime material for it.

27. Wanru’s Journey  (China) - acting. Try it!

26. Royal Rumors  (China) - they tried acting. But forgot to try having a functional screenplay on top.

25. The Last Princess  (China) - acting is nonexistent and the story is trash but it never aspired to be what it wasn’t and was kinda cute.

24. Oasis  (Korea) - great acting in a story with a screenplay that goes round and round fruitlessly like a hamster in a cage.

23. The Trust  (China) - the OTP in this one swaps bodies but it would have been better for everyone if whoever made this and an actual competent writer swapped theirs.

22. Snow Eagle Lord  (China) - yet another drama in which Xu Kai does his best to keep acting opposite a wooden costar and through a terrible screenplay. There is something seriously wrong with that man’s career choices.

21. Heartbeat  (Korea) - the good: it’s harmless. The bad: it’s harmless.

20. Back from the Brink  (China) - ummm the people are pretty? And if I were 10 I’d be all about this show but as is...

19. Joseon Attorney  (Korea) - slightly less fun than reading a legal treatise.

18. The Starry Love  (China) - the definition of a xianxia playing it safe and pastel; I did love the secondary couple a lot but it was not enough to save that snoozefest of a drama.

17. Chong Zi  (China) - badly acted and a screenplay that somehow manages to be both repetitive and disjointed. But I am a sucker for the shizunfucker trope so here we are.

16. Island  (Korea) - a mess but Kim Nam Gil is hot with a sword.

15. Circle of Love  (China) - rationally, a hot mess. But so entertaining and addicting and fall of make outs of epicness!

14. Lady Durian  (Korea) - makjang from the Queen of Makjang and with that scrumptious cast! This is gonna be GOOD!

13. The Forbidden Marriage  (Korea) - sweet and oddly charming despite nobody in it bothering to act much.

12. Pledge of Allegiance  (China) - the way they had to edit it likely due to censorship made it less than it what could have been but still more than most dramas this year.

11. Choice Husband (China) - delicious cliches and tropes and angst in the rain!

10. Hidden Love  (China) - to make ME of all people to care about a fluffy modern is a bona fide miracle but the two mains are chemistry machines who portray longing so well.

9. Gone with the Rain  (China) - wildly uneven but our heroine and the sexy general she eventually chooses are pure gold!

8. The Secret Romantic Guest House (Korea) - how to do youth sageuk right. Everything about this just works!

7. Alchemy of Souls: Light and Shadow  (Korea) - it has flaws but is so gorgeous and full of longing and grief and everything good!

6. Tale of the Nine Tailed 1938  (Korea) - a sequel/prequel that is almost as good as the original, how often does that happen?

5. See You In My 19th Life  (Korea) - wacky and grieving, delicate and odd, this is everything I ever want in a kdrama.

4. Call It Love  (Korea) - a truly exquisite story of trauma and loneliness and healing and love.

3. Till the End of the Moon  (China) - gloriously messy in every way this is just MORE. The ending is enraging and there are issues but when it hits, it hits so hard the rest of it does not matter - the dark characters, the dysfunctional love story, the battles, the insane visuals, the EVERYTHING of it. This is what fantasy should be like.

2. Chang Feng Du/Destined  (China) - came out of nowhere to own my heart via its story of growing up and finding love and slow organic relationship building and keeping your soul in a world of horrors.

1. The Ingenuous One  (China) - the best one, so I am gonna talk about it below.

FAVORITE DRAMA

The Ingenuous One - so impossibly solid, from acting to visuals to screenplay to EVERYTHING! Adult characters with adult issues and choices, both moral dilemmas and battles equally compelling. The love stories, the friendships, the shades of grey. This is utterly and completely adult.

WORST DRAMA

Romance of the Twin Flower - if I could make one drama cease to exist, this would be it.

FAVORITE MALE CHARACTER

Tantai Jin, Till The End of the Moon - the best character this year hands down - by turns (and timelines) unhinged monster, a contained saint, a victim of abuse trying to attain being viewed as human, a schemer, a ruler, grief personified, curiosity and monstrosity and nobility all mingled.

Runner up: Jang Uk, Alchemy of Souls - sunshine boy gone dark and grieving, but still with that same core of steel.

FAVORITE FEMALE CHARACTER

Shim Woo Joo, Call It Love - she’s damaged and impulsive and relationship-phobic and revenge driven and glorious!

Runner Up:  Shu Ya Nan (The Ingenuous One) - allowed to be tough and dark and with her own agenda and not a member of a good sect and just so cool.

NEEDS TO BE MURDERED

Han Dong Jin’s Mom, Call It Love - that woman was horrifying and the source of so much of his trauma; a real realistic monster petty in all ways except for the damage she inflicted.

FAVORITE SHIP

Gu Jiusi/Liu Yuru, Chang Feng Du - wholesome and helping each other grow and talking it out but also there is blood feeding and midnight rescues and everything. They are good but not in the least boring.

Runner Up: Woo Joo/Dong Jin, Call It Love - two wounded souls finding such slow but such amazing healing with each other.

FAVORITE SECONDARY OTP

Su Ming Yu/Ke Menglan, The Ingenuous One - there’s actually been a lot of good secondary OTPs this year (General x Fox in TTEOTM, Investigator x Princess, TIO, Rang/Mermaid, TOTNT1938) but these two owned my heart - gentleman merchant x gambling hostess ftw.

NOTP

Romance of Twin Flower - they took my favorite het novel OTP, smart and coldblooded and forces of nature and turned them into THAT?

SHIRTLESSNESS AWARD

Xiao Hong Ye, Circle of Love - guy was a terrible abuser but those pecs were the real sin!

CRAZIEST FUNFEST

Circle of Love - screenplay written by rabid monkeys and populated by a bunch of psychos but such ridiculous, irresistible fun!

FAVORITE SCENE

Tantai Jin confronting Li Susu in jail, Till the End of the Moon - the energy, the intensity, the darkness the EVERYTHING.

BIGGEST CRUSH

Li Gong Quan, The Ingenuous One - yeah whatever, I realize he’s a minor character but I loved him so much! The whole having to bring down your benefactor who’s gone evil tho you are in love with his daughter should have been a whole other drama!

BEST SCENE STEALER CHARACTER

Chen Wende, Gone with the Rain - most of this drama is not that exciting but whenever his King of Trolls hot general shows up, I sit up and pay attention. I am 35 eps deep because of him.

NEEDS A SEQUEL

The Ingenuous One - I am dying to see what happens to royal investigator and supposedly dead princess, how our OTP will travel the world, the merchant and his lady, Ten Taels and his orphans and his girl and just everything. I loved these people so!

NEEDS A DIRECTOR’S CUT

Till the End of the Moon - it was clear they cut a BUNCH in the last third to fit the ridiculous new “40 eps or bust” rule and it would flow so much more smoothly if it was allowed to breathe.

NEEDS SCISSORS TAKEN TO IT

Romance of Twin Flower - it should have been shredded into nonexistence sorry not sorry.

TOO MANY SCISSORS TAKEN TO IT

Pledge of Allegiance - this drama was good but had gaping lacunae where too many scissors were taken to it for censorship reasons; I am surprised even what’s left was allowed to air tbh but still...

TROPE THAT NEEDS TO DIE

Shrill = cute - I see it every year, I hate it every year.

FAVORITE TROPE WE’VE SEEN A LOT OF

Hot Men Whump - come one, TTEOTM alone would fill the quota but we also had CFD, Call It Love, See You in my 19th life etc etc.

BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT

Back from the Brink - it’s based on a novel by an author whose other novels (Zhao Yao, Blue Whispers, Mulberry Song) I adore and the novelist was the screenwriter so I was so excited. But it was a juvenile, flat mess that de-powered the heroine and taught me that yeah, sometimes the writer should not adopt their work.

BIGGEST GOOD SURPRISE

Chang Feng Du - I loved the novel but the trailers were a fluffy bland disaster and I checked it out with zero expectations. However, this is a glorious adaptation, a lesson in how to transport a massive novel on screen into slim 40 eps and to account for changes in medium and stricter censorship restrictions for dramas versus books while keeping the essential vibe of the original.

BEST NON-2023 DRAMA I’VE WATCHED IN 2023

The Imperial Doctress (China) - the pining the pining by the Hot Emperor! This is like all my web novel dreams come true!

MOST ANTICIPATED

A Journey to Love/Prisoner of Beauty/My Journey to You/Kunning Palace - maybe one of them will air before the world ends.

[juliemolinaz]

So, I can get the reason that the show had Eun-seong and Seul-hee be such big characters. With the dysfunction in the family, I don't know if the family would be able to come together in the way that they did once Hae-in's illness came out if they didn't lose everything because of Seul-hee and Eun-seong. I also don't know if Hae-in would have revealed anything to her family about her illness until she was closer to death if Eun-seong hadn't forced her hand. I also don't know if Hyun-woo would have gotten to the point where he realized he still had feelings for Hae-in if he didn't have to deal with Eun-seong's clear interest in Hae-in. I'm sure that someone who had more interest in writing and storytelling them me would be able to make it happen, but I was okay with what the show was trying to do with Eun-seong and Seul-hee.

Where I ultimately think the show messed up in regards to Eun-seong and Seul-hee is having Eun-seong be delulu in love with Hae-in. I think it would have been better if Eun-seong grew up angry at the Hong family because his mom chose them over her own son, causing him to experience a lot of trauma. As Eun-seong got older, he began to understand more and more how messed up his mom was and wanted to understand what it was about the Hong family that made his mom decide living with that family was more important than living with her son. Through the years, he had some interactions with the Hong family, including Hae-in, and realized how fucked up the Hong family was. He'd then get mad at the Hong family all over again. So, when Seul-hee came to him talking about how she had done everything for him and that she wanted to work with him to take over the Queens group, Eun-seong realized he had the opportunity to bring down both the Hong Family and his mother.

Eun-seong then getting in between Hae-in and Hyun-woo wouldn't have been because he was in love with Hae-in and thought they should be together, but more because Eun-seong knew that he needed to get Hyun-woo out of the picture if he wanted his plan to work. So, by inserting himself into Hae-in's life, he could play on the marital discord between Hae-in and Hyun-woo and isolate him from the family. Once the Hong family lost everything, Eun-seong could then turn to making sure his mom lost everything. When Hyun-woo was still trying to make trouble, Eun-seong's actions could have been more focused on trying to make Hyun-woo stop being a pest than trying to get with Hae-in.

So, all in all, if the show had chosen to not make Eun-seong motivated by his delulu love for Hae-in and instead wanting to bring down both his mother and the Hong family for experiencing all the trauma he did, his motivations would be a lot less infuriating and we could have gotten a lot more meaningful focus on on Hae-in and Hyun-woo's relationship.

[dlrconlicense]

Louise Brealey On Starring In BBC Three’s Upcoming Comedy Such Brave Girls

Such Brave Girls will arrive on BBC iPlayer on 22 November

By Olivia Emily | 3 days ago

This post may contain affiliate links. Learn more

Louise Brealey is perhaps best known for her witty portrayal of lovelorn morgue technician Molly Hooper in Sherlock – but we’re loving her recent comedy work even more. She’ll next be seen in the BBC‘s hotly anticipated comedy Such Brave Girls, coming later this month. Written by Kate Sadler, Louise plays Deb, the matriarch of a dysfunctional family, trying and failing to keep her kamikaze daughters from disaster. We sat down with Louise to hear all about it.

Interview: Louise Brealey

© Leo Staar

Hi Louise, how’s life going at the moment?

Hello! It’s been a busy summer – my new film has been doing the festival circuit so there have been a lot of planes, trains and automobiles.

You’re about to star in BBC’s new series Such Brave Girls – can you give us an elevator pitch for the show?

Two messed-up twenty-something (real-life) sisters [Kat Sadler and Lizzie Davidson] and their total car crash of a mother attempt to navigate their way out of disaster and into love.

You play Deb – can you describe her?

Deb is amazing. She’s a shockingly bad mum who has completely messed up her two Gen Z daughters. I think of her as one of those vending machines at railway stations and swimming pools where you can get a Twix, but all that’s on her shelves is Tough Love.

What was it like playing her?

A terrifying hoot – she has a lot of lines.

How did you get into character/prepare for the role?

I based Deb on a little girl I used to know. You could see every emotion on her face. Guile, rage, confusion, fear. When she was cross, she scowled. When she was delighted, she beamed.

I used my real accent: Northamptonshire. It has softened over the years, so I sound a lot posher now, but it’s how my family speak and I’ve never had the chance to work using it.

Any funny stories from rehearsals or filming?

The scenes requiring our amazing intimacy coordinator, Elle McAlpine, were hysterically funny and genuinely not at all awkward. Poor Paul Bazely who plays Dev may have experienced some chafing.

What is the cast dynamic? Who was your favourite person to work with?

We are like a little family when we are filming. I feel very protective of Kat and Lizzie. And Paul is a wonderful human being and a phenomenal actor.

Are you still in touch with any of your co-stars?

Yes, we message all the time.

Josie (KAT SADLER), Deb (LOUISE BREALEY), Billie (LIZZIE DAVIDSON) in Such Brave Girls. © BBC/Various Artists Limited/James Stack

You’re perhaps best known for your role as Molly in Sherlock. What is that like to look back on?

Bittersweet because I don’t feel we finished it, and we have lost Una Stubbs. But it was incredible to be a part of what was really a phenomenon. It couldn’t happen now with streaming.

Any special memories from the show?

Too many. Having a candle in an egg custard tart (my favourite) on my birthday in Benedict’s trailer… Laughing and laughing with darling Una and Rupert Graves, who is a dreamboat.

You’ve also starred in the likes of Lockwood & Co, Brian and Charles and Back recently. But what has been your favourite project to date?

I loved working on Clique for the BBC a few years back. I got to play a hard-ass Queen Bee university lecturer in power suits who was afraid of no one, and then to completely fall apart. In an Edinburgh accent.

I loved Lockwood & Co. How does it feel for the show to be cancelled after just one series?

I felt so bad for the young cast, the crew, the fans and everyone whose livelihoods depended on the show coming back. It got such fantastic reviews and great viewing figures. I feel like the hoop it had to jump through for the streamer was just too impossibly small.

Any roles in the pipeline that you’re excited about? (If you’re allowed to tell us!)

I’m the lead in a lesbian chicken factory musical film called Chuck Chuck Baby.

Who has been your favourite actor to work with in the past?

This is much too hard. There have been so many that I admired, and some I now call dear friends. But my buddy Jeff Rawle I’ve worked with three times now, and we are trying to make it a fourth.

Which co-star did you learn the most from?

Antonia Pemberton, who played Nanny in Peter Hall’s Uncle Vanya when I was Sonya. She told me not to keep tomatoes in the fridge.

What’s your dream role?

I’m desperate to get back on stage. I’ve been doing film and television for the past seven years, but theatre is my heart and my home.

What’s a genre you’d like to do more of?

I’d like a good horror. I can’t watch them because I’m a scaredy-cat, but I’d love to be in one.

© Leo Staar

Do you get to spend much time at home?

Not enough. I’ve been gadding about.

Do you live in the town or the country? Which do you prefer?

I’ve lived in London since I left university. I live on a hill next to an oak tree, so it feels like we are in the branches. I can never leave London because I’d miss the culture stuff, but I am a woodland creature.

What’s your interior design style?

A mish-mash of old things I’ve found in auctions. Too many books.

How do you find balance in your personal and work lives?

I don’t.

What did you want to be when you were growing up?

An astronaut.

If you could give advice to your 15-year-old self, what would it be?

Don’t sleep with that guy’s flatmate when you are 21.

How can we all live a little bit better?

Choose love.

Anything fun in the pipeline – professionally or personally?

I’m going to run away to a southern European city for January and February to write.

Quick Fire

I’m currently watching… Only Murders in the Building

What I’m reading… We Have Always Lived in the Castle by Shirley Jackson

The last thing I watched (and loved) was… Silo. I love Rebecca Ferguson.

What I’m most looking forward to seeing… The Motive and the Cue with Mark Gatiss in the West End because I was away for its National Theatre run.

Favourite film of all time… Don’t Look Now

Favourite song of all time… ‘Disco 2000’ by Pulp

Band/singer I always have on repeat… Leonard Cohen

My ultimate cultural recommendation… Join all the museums and galleries

Cultural guilty pleasure… Overcooked 2. It’s computer game where you run around and try to make kebabs.

What’s next for me is… Walking my dog in Beckenham Place Park – it’s south London’s secret mini Hampstead Heath.

Watch

Louise Brealey stars in Such Brave Girls, on BBC iPlayer from 22 November. bbc.co.uk

[therealgchu]

Spooky Action at a Distance - Chapter 2

is up!

i think i just really like messed up, dysfunctional ppl.

Chapter 2 is now live over on ao3.

next week, the first chapter in a new Anamnesis series called The Pilot will be published Friday.

my other stuff on ao3.

it takes two to tango

“Sam,” she started, then paused, “do you still go by Sam?” she asked, looking away. It was easier to talk to him if she didn’t have to look at him.

“Still Sam, at least to people who know my name,” he answered, “which aren’t that many.”

“Sam,” she began again, still not making eye contact, “I’m not sure what you’re expecting…” she started.

“I’m not expecting anything,” he blurted, taking a step towards her. “I just wanted to…talk. I guess.” He looked chagrined, “I’m kinda flying by the seat of my pants here,” he said nervously, hoping that she might throw him a lifeline. Even when she wasn’t looking at him, she made him nervous.

She took a step back in reaction to his step towards her, and let out an exasperated sigh, “When don’t you?”

“I thought after several lifetimes I had outgrown that. But, then I saw you, and everything seemed to go out the window,” he answered. “I want to….I wanted to….how are you doing?” he ended lamely. Her impassive mien and lack of eye contact was making it hard to find the words to put her at ease. Which was ridiculous since he wasn’t at ease, either.

Min brushed her hair out of her eyes. “I killed Delgado and took over the Crimson Fleet,” she said after a moment. “I’m the queen of the pirates now,” she said cynically, the only real emotion she’d shown the whole time.

He stared at her, mouth agape.

“Makes it easier to get all of the artifacts when I have a personal army at my beck and call. Aren’t I the type of Starborn that you go after to keep from getting to the Unity?” she asked, finally making eye contact with him. “Aren’t you supposed to stop me? I’m unworthy,” the self-loathing was dripping from every word.

“Min…I…” Sam started, but she interrupted him.

“Just let me gather the artifacts and I’ll be out of your universe and you’ll never see me again,” she said and looked away.

“You don’t want me to help you fight the Hunter?” he asked lamely. He didn’t know how to respond to her statement about Delgado. She wasn’t wrong about his raison d’etre as The Emissary, but as Sam, he didn’t think he could move against her. She may not be his late wife, but she was similar enough that it hurt. It was obvious that whatever happened since he saw her last changed her, and just like his wife, he wanted to help her. He couldn’t help himself.

Min snorted, “I’ve never needed your help fighting. Unless you’re radically different than my Sam, I never needed help to fight anything,” she said. She knew she was being cruel, but it was also the truth. But, he was the one that invaded her space, that made her feel emotions that she thought she killed years ago. Just like her Sam, he could get past her walls and defenses without even trying. It pissed her off. “I was always a far better shot, more disciplined, better at tactics and strategy,” she tallied off on her fingers.

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” he replied despondently. He didn’t need her to remind him of his shortcomings.

“Then why are you here?” she asked again, this time annoyance edging her voice. “And I know it’s not to make small talk or to catch up.”

“I don’t know,” he answered. “I don’t know what I was thinking.” He looked at her with a pained expression and shook his head. “I should go,” he whispered.

“Yeah,” Min said simply.

[cantsayidont]

Hateration holleration, teevee edition, with important new critical evaluation features:

APPLES NEVER FALL (2024): Engrossing, often funny seven-part mystery-drama, based on a novel by Liane Moriarty, about the dysfunctional family of retired tennis pros Stan and Joy Delaney (Sam Neill and Annette Bening), whose four adult kids — rich dipshit Troy (Jake Lacy), hot mess Amy (Alison Brie), perpetually resentful Brooke (Essie Randles), and neurotic underachiever Logan (Conor Merrigan Turner) — begin to unravel after Joy mysteriously disappears. Did Stan kill her? Does Joy's disappearance have something to do with their former houseguest Savannah (Georgia Flood), a troubled young woman who had persuaded Joy and Stan to take her in under what may have been false pretenses? Everyone knows something more than they're telling, as the situation brings old resentments bubbling to the surface. Perhaps a smidgen too arch for its own good, and the shifting flashback structure sometimes makes it hard to keep track of the sequence of events, but consistently interesting and refreshingly nuanced, with well-drawn characters and excellent performances. (Neill, Bening, and Flood are particularly good.) Only the finale falls short: Certain key character motivations remain murky, and the final scenes are a bit flat, perhaps an inevitable consequence of a story that flits between tones and genres in a way that leaves it without a natural endpoint. Also, the South Florida setting isn't always convincing; big portions of the series were actually shot in Australia. CONTAINS LESBIANS? Yes! (More than one, even.) VERDICT: Flawed but worthwhile.

THE BROTHERS SUN (2024): One-season action-comedy-drama series about an infamous triad underboss from Taipei, Charles Sun (Justin Chien), who's sent to America to protect his mother (Michelle Yeoh) and younger brother Bruce (Sam Song Li) after a cunningly staged attack by an unknown enemy puts his father (Johnny Kou) in the hospital. Mama Sun scarcely needs protection, but the same isn't true of Bruce, a dorky pre-med student who really wants to do improv, and who's totally out of place in his family's world of ultraviolence and organized crime. Meanwhile, Charles' childhood friend Alexis (Highdee Kuan), who's still sweet on him, is now an ambitious assistant DA who sees taking down the triads as a defining career move. Starts off disarmingly light (though always quite violent), but gets significantly darker as it goes on, which really isn't to its credit — after the cheerful amorality of the early episodes, the increasingly maudlin themes of conflicted family loyalty feel heavy-handed, culminating in a credibility-straining climax with about as much subtlety as a cement mixer. It could also have used more Michelle Yeoh and less Sam Li, whose character is such a feckless dweeb that he sometimes grates. Chien actually makes Charles a more credible character than Bruce, impressive considering the level of pulpy plot contrivance involved. A planned second season was canceled, but except for a post-credits tag in the finale, the story feels reasonably complete. CONTAINS LESBIANS? Not so as you'd notice. VERDICT: Starts well, veers too far into turgid melodrama.

PALM ROYALE (2024): Fingernails-on-chalkboard would-be social satire, set in 1969 and featuring Kristen Wiig (with a singularly unconvincing Georgia accent) as conniving but vapid former beauty queen Maxine Simmons, who for some unaccountable reason is determined to wheedle her way into the Palm Beach upper crust, by hook or by crook, while secretly squatting in the mansion of society matron Norma Dellacorte (Carol Burnett), who almost no one realizes is actually in a coma. The glib voiceover narration recalls the early seasons of DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES, but with no bite and no apparent point — there's no reason to care about the premise, the plot, or any of the characters, who are neither sympathetic enough to be likable nor bitchy enough to be fun. Wiig is just awful, straining to prove she can do the kind of role that in recent years has usually gone to Margot Robbie; she can't, and she's obviously at least 10 years too old for her character. The period production design is suitably glossy, but an interesting supporting cast (including Laura Dern, Allison Janney, and Leslie Bibb) is completely defeated by the dreadful scripts, and Ricky Martin (built like a marble statue with acting to match) eventually arrives to stink up the proceedings as Norma's loyal houseboy. I only barely made it through the third episode, and the idea of enduring seven more is too painful to contemplate. If you're in the mood for genteel Southern bitchiness, you'd get more out of a highlight reel of Rue McLanahan scenes from THE GOLDEN GIRLS, which would actually be funny. CONTAINS LESBIANS? Not in the first three episodes. VERDICT: Alternately dull and agonizing.

[skycapt4in]

hc + 😃 for a happiness-themed headcanon

hc + 😡 for a headcanon about something that makes them angry

hc + 🗡 for a weapon-themed headcanon

hc + ✂️ for a hair-themed headcanon

hc + 📔 for a reading-themed headcanon

hc + 👗 for a clothes-themed headcanon

@manaborn / thematic headcanons

happiness-themed headcanon / i'll give you a silly little one for this one, but he does a little ~wiggle~ when he gets happy, like he can't keep the excitement and joy in his body and has to dispel it, like the golden retriever he truly is.

a headcanon for something that makes them angry / *looks left* *looks right* don't tell him i told you this, but he has a huge problem when it comes to innocent people getting hurt. he hates it, and he hates that he has caused some of the hurt in his career. in the later years of his life, once he gets paid upon completing a morally greyer job, he'll deal with the people who hired him if he thinks it'll.. clean up the mess, so to speak.

a weapon-themed headcanon / i'm sure it surprises nobody to learn that he sleeps with at least one of his plasma daggers under his pillow. don't worry it's switched off to it is just a stabby thing, but be careful, there's a stabby thing under his pillow. also don't take the plasma daggers without his permission because they used to belong to his older brother and he gets very upset when people take them and don't tell him.

hair-themed headcanon / i've def talked about this before but yo'lara loved noah's hair when he was a lil kid, he had thick curly hair that sort of ressembled how cryon-natives hair is and it's one of the things she would point out whenever anyone would mention noah's very obvious off-world biology. literally would argue against people claiming noah isn't her son by saying "look at his hair. it is like mine. he is my son." what a queen. she was distraught when torrent and raz'nar shaved it all off in a prank, it never grew back quite as curly again.

reading-themed headcanon / give him a book and he'll read it no matter what. he loves learning and he's got a handy, if dysfunctional device that lets him translate to whatever language he can think of, so he can read all the books. give or take. his favourite is historical fiction that tell of times long past and people long gone because he just likes seeing how all these things and people change, grow and evolve over time. side note: i think he'd lose his shit if he were to learn about dinosaurs

clothes-themed headcanon / . . . so he does have taste, but he's more leaning towards the practical side of things so he uh, pretty much always dresses in the same way of; jacket, t shirt, jeans/cargo pants, and boots. but he is mostly willing to get dressed up for nice occasions and dare i say, he cleans up quite well when you manage to get him in like, a nice suit or something along those lines. he almost always refuses to dress up whenever he has to go to mezzao and make appearances, even though he is technically royalty.. there are images of him in his typical space outlaw get-up and i wouldn't be surprised if he had engine oil on his face.