#prolly cuz they thought it was a 'phase' but still

[keeps-ache]

becoming a girl to beat the boy allegations, becoming a boy to beat the girl allegations, becoming a girl to beat the boy allegations, becoming a b

[starpunkssgalaxy]

i’ve been super into the sbg comic lately and i thought i might share some of my headcanons of the group for fun, also this is my first post ever so 🧍‍♀️

- aiden used to have a yt channel when he was just a kid and he would post the most unhinged weirdo shit youve ever seen like wtf you mean you posted “pumped up kicks except its not pumped up kicks and i eat a shoe box” at 9 years old 😭😭

- tyler is soooo good with hairstyling???? like his sister would always ask him to do her hair when they were younger and he just got really good at it

- soo many times you can be talking to ash and have a whole one sided conversation before you realize she has her headphones (and listening to music) on and cant hear shit

- aiden eats jolly ranchers like a fucking FREAK he sits there and crunches them, its an honest to god miracle he hasnt lost teeth

- animals dont like ben but ben LOVES animals, hes holding a cat hes so content he loves it, the cat is in the most stress of its life

- tyler had a phase when he was younger where he’d randomly cut his hair in the absolute worst fucking cut youve EVER seen, taylor prolly has it as a screensaver

- aiden lovesss old 2000s tv shows, one of his favorites is Paris Hilton’s “The Simple Life”

- when the group has sleepovers ben and taylor have these like super extensive skincare routines and will disappear for like an hour and half to do their routines together

- taylor has a popcorn addiction, cuz girl tf are you doing having a bag of popcorn every night before bed (me 2 girl)

- after the phantom dimension none of them really fw media type horror things, everyones watching little kid cartoons to try and sleep afterwards

- logan is a lot stronger then he looks, i feel like hes not just textbook smart but also shares an interest in auto mechanics and likes to work on old vehicles so hes pretty toned

- and vice versa why do i feel like taylor has an interest in computers/robots type of mechanics idk

- taylor and tyler were the twins that made up their own secret language when they were little and to this day still use it sometimes

- ash knows asl and this surprises ben as he also uses it since he doesnt talk, ash uses it because she gets to overwhelmed with noise and even talking can irritate her ears

[bleep-bloop-boo]

4 7 11 16 27 29 5

AHHH THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE ASKKKK <3333

4. mythical creature you think/believe is real?

okay, obviously aliens they have found microorganisms on mars's frozen caps and there are possibilities of life on other stars (like kepler) so there is definitely life out there but also like... deep sea creatures?? we know so little so we could have humanoid mermaids we could have krakens and all too! like we already have octopi and giant squids, its not that hard to imagine that either currently or at some point we have krakens also possibly giant crabs like the one from moana i feel like thats a likely prehistoric animal 7. what animal do you look forward to seeing when you visit an aquarium?

TOUCH PAD TOUCH PAD TOUCH PAD WHATEVER ANIMAL IS THERE IN IT ESP ITS RAYS, I LOVE RAYS ALSO JELLY FISH AND SHARKIES AND FHBENWQKWEUDHFGBDNJSD FISHIES!!!

11. anything from your childhood you’ve held on to?

im a very closeted kid so i had a lot of my phases very late (dolls in like 5th grade 6th grade, ect) so i still have a ton of my legos and dolls from my old phases but i am giving em away rlly casually so nothing in specific butttt, my parents are suprisingly sentimental?? they kept my baby blanket and like all my old gifts (WHICH ARE HORRID BY THE WAY?? WHO LET ME SCRIBBLE ON A MUG AND GIVE IT TO MY DAD??? GET THIS MAN AN OSCAR RIGHT NOW!! i have never given him a single good gift) and also really creepy but they saved all my baby teeth in a jar?? and then my brother found it and his friends started playing with it?????

OH WAIT i also have a treasure chest somewhere in my closet filled with goodies i deemed important! im pretty sure theres some toys i secretly opened, a bottle of glitter glue ive been saving for like 8 years cuz my mom told 7 y/o me she wouldnt buy one until next year and like some shopkins (i still have my hatchimals collection on display)

omg this is getting longgg sorry to everyone who doesnt want to see this lolol ill finish the rest under thiss

16. thoughts on mint chocolate chip?

ICKKY TOOTHPASTE THIS MAY OR MAY NOT AFFECT MY OPINIONS ON PEPPERMINT TOO disclaimer: the olive garden chocolates are the exception

27. what’s your favorite or go-to outfit? this green sweater i have that looks like its layered with my black jeans (they fit so well omgg) and then my green shoulder bag, some funky earrings, my rings i wear everyday and HEADPHONES my go-to is prolly just jeans and my winter hoodie (changes every year but its all youll see me in all winter) i also wear a lot of skirts-

29. preferred pasta noodle?

BUTTERFLY PASTA <333

5. favorite form of potato?

omg this is so hard- evil form

[fangs-claws-paws]

Space Marines and my Thoughts

Alright fuck it, exploration of my thoughts on space marines and what I think of their meaning. Even though I know that I'm prolly gonna get mocked for this, this is my blog and I get to become emotionally attached to the super freaks and claim there's a deeper meaning to them even though it isn't well discussed in the few books I've read.

Under a read more cuz this is going to be a long one.

Space marines are just as much victims of the system as the average citizen

Space marines are children who were taken at a young age and were repeatedly exposed to extremely traumatic events to develop the right type of PTSD for ascension to space marines. Created intentionally by the emperor to make a mass-produced super soldier, which he also likely planned to completely execute once that phase of his plan was finished, so consideration for actually making functional people wasn't really considered. Even after their ascension to space marine they still are just as much meat in the grinder as every other human, just cuz they can survive better than an average human doesn't mean there aren't bigger things that can completely mulch them.

Space marines are viewed by regular humans as either ethereal angels of destruction or as barely acceptable mutants, both leading to isolation from those around them

In the first/second chapter of Horus Rising (if I remember the title right) we see through the eyes of a rembrancer that she sees space marines as mutants that are only respectable because they are working for the emperor. While likely the view of space marines as mutants has fallen out of popular opinion, the view of them as angels of death both still end up with the dehumanization of space marines. Despite their human origin and still frankly just being extremely emotionally traumatized humans with modifications, they aren't considered human. Which can lead to frustrations in communication, this can lead to either just avoiding humans alltogether to avoid being objectified, or leaning into that stereotype either to just stop fighting it or perhaps a way to live as an individual by justifying choices under their dehumanization.

Space marines fall under just as much scrutiny from the inquisition as the average human, if not moreso depending on the inquisitor

We see in the Ahriman Omnibus that an entire chapter is wiped out on the command of one inquisitor with the backing of a Grey Knight. While most inquisitors may not have the desire to poke the bear as it were, I feel many put space marines under a microscope because they don't follow certain pieces of the Imperial Cult (e.g. don't believe the Emperor is a god). This can lead to increased suspicion and further isolate space marines from the general human population. Which can lead to lashing out and turning renegade/traitor, becoming extremely insular in hopes of avoiding judgement for chapter belief, or this scrutiny becomes reflected towards other members in hopes of placating the wolves by sacrificing their own.

The extreme trauma they faced both during ascension and their service isn't expressed in healthy ways, which further alienates them but help forge bonds between other space marines due to shared traumas.

Their trauma is something they simply have to bury, or treat as par for the course, and thus deal with the psychological repercussions on their own. This can lead to childish behavior, violent outbursts, emotional withdrawal, etc. Which is well documented in the real world when people suffer traumatic events and don't get the help they need in processing it. They form close bonds with other space marines due to a potential subconscious acknowledgement that the other understands what they've went through, and can find safety in what to them is extreme vulnerability. This bond can definitely be formed between them and a guardsmen, but what a space marine may view as vulnerability might not be seen as such by a regular human.

[ramblingsfromthytruly]

day 33+34+35+36/50 productivity challenge - 2 days of failure + 2 day of success(?) combined with an all-nighter

had my on english exam on friday: i think i did okay. i mean i'm sure i could get above 60 (exam total is 80 marks) without studying. so that's all i wanna say. i MAY get above 65 or even above 70 but i don't wanna keep that expectation and later disappoint myself. also i remember venting so bad in one question. i wrote 2.5 pages for a 5 mark speech writing question 💀 i really need to get back into journalling

ngl i have to admit i've been extremely unproductive throughout the entire weekend. usually when i'm in a depressive phase i manage something but for this time i just don't even have energy to do anything apart from feel like shit and then feel like shit using that as an excuse to not do anything. well towards sunday night i regained some(?) positive energy and managed to study something in between bouts of crying and extreme thoughts and 1 almost-mental-breakdown for my physics exam by pulling an all-nighter.

so this is the stuff i did through the day while procrastinating & all through the night & the monday morning:

morning skincare

worked on my blog's organization

redid my blog's intro post

received some mental clarity and started recording a vlog

headbath

had lovely convos with other users omg ppl r so nice

night skincare

studied physics ch: motion in a straight line

noted down all formulae

studied physics ch: motion in a plane

slept 6-7 a.m.

morning skincare

studied physics ch: laws of motion

how my physics exam went: so grateful for my friend who basically gave me a crash course of the fourth chapter within 10 mins. prolly got at least 5 marks cuz of her. exam was still shit however. i thought it went better that chemistry. it would have been but then after i was discussing the answers with my friend i realized i didn't see the last page of the question paper and missed an entire main. 3 5 markers!! 15 marks just gone like that. istg i'm genuinely never this careless. idk how i could have done this. i had the time too to write those answers. those questions were easy.

after school shenanigans:

slept 1-4 p.m.

made card for dad's bday tmr

showered

duolingo

practiced playing keyboard

folded laundry

studied + made notes biology ch: biological classification

journalled (desperately needed this)

night skincare

[zecoritheweirdone]

Hello, I'm the person fascinated by the implications of the Mystery Skulls au!! I'm a little rusty on my lore, but I'm mostly spinning False as Arthur in my brain- Falsie being jealous of Pearl enough to let the spirit possess her (if we're doing a one to one). And I'm so curious about who Shiromori is in this au!! I'm just!! Sorry, my brain is Bad at articulating but ultimately I'm just very excited about this whole concept!!

hell yeah,, i'm glad you like the au!!!!

and yeah, for the most part this au is pretty much one-to-one with the source material– tho i do have something to add for the jealousy bit! this is mostly just my own interpretation, and this could just be me being aro and not quite getting love stuff,, but i always saw arthur as not jealous of lewis,, but more just not wanting to be left out/a third-wheel. or maybe he is jealous, but not specifically of lewis– but instead, of the fact that the two tend to focus on each other, even when arthur's around.

cuz like,, mans got kicked to the backseat of his Own Van in favor of lewis, vivi, and her Dog. they let the DOG get shotgun instead of arthur. plus, in hellbent, you see a few stills of lewis and vivi being lovey-dovey to each other, with arthur sulking in the background. hell, in one of them, you see vivi looking past arthur, ignoring him in favor of waving to an out of frame lewis.

i don't think the two intended to make arthur feel left out,, they still hang out with him, so obviously they still care about him– it's just that,, i imagine they're prolly in some honeymoon sort of phase in their relationship,, maybe they just started dating and all they can really think about is how much they love each other. probably. again, idk how love works, so- take this with a grain of salt. i just find this interpretation much more interesting, personally!

so, yeah– pretty much all of what i said applies to this au! minus the romance bits, potentially? maybe? gonna be honest i don't really have a strong opinion one way or another in regards to shipping in this au. but either way, false was feeling left out of the group,, and because of that, got herself possessed by a demon(cuz that's prolly what reverb/the thing that possessed arthur is, not just some random spirit,, what with the horns and the webbed wings and stuff in his profile),,,

as for shiromori..... i'm still on the fence, tbh? my first thought was bdubs,, cuz like. they're both plants(sorta),, and he's got a connection to etho like shiromori does to mystery,,, but... i was also thinking about maybe having joel as her, instead? there's the etho connection, of course,, plus there's joel's whole theme for season 10! i feel like either would fit,,,

i suppose there's also the connection to vivi/her ancestor to consider, as well... so far i'm thinking the mushi equivalent in this au is prolly just another version of gem? maybe from empires? but i'm open to suggestions! i'm unsure about joel, but i do know that gem and bdubs have interacted secret life series before!usually in (lightheartedly) negative ways, from what i've seen,, so that could be another point to bdubs.

[fartibaba-real-saw-jeffeptsien]

watching a movie with my friends and its really hot but its pretty good cuz we gonna get pizza in like half an hour and I am on my computer doing homework but not really cuz I'm on tumblr and we were watching inception but we got bored so we now watching eric andre and then we stopped it to take a break cuz its hot but another friend came with a fan and now its slightly cooler but its still really hot I mean why do some times of the year be hot like omg can we get some air conditioning like come on well anyway tumbler is fun cuz I can do whatever and booba in my dms I wonder if shes single but idk I have negative rizz PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE so we gonna watch bonesaw its a really good movie with lots of plot welp now the tv went into sleep mode and eric andre isn't on anymore wow I really need to do my homework also my mouse sounds like a space blaster and the door to the room is open to try to cool it off but its not working the fan is helping a little tho idk my nicotine tastes good but it makes me sad welp my name is john kramer and I live at 204 negra arroyo lane albequrque new Mexico and yup that's my real address pls come sent pizza cats are really cool I like them they make funny sounds like meow and mrrp and stuff like that dogs are dumb they don't make funny sounds except boof and stuff like that welp actually it got a little cooler for a split second damn tumblr wheres the character limit my god this is taking forever my Grammarly is begging me to stop also my fingers are starting to hurt a little bit more i mean prolly my arthritis i mean like soup that gives you arthritis and stuff like that also there is the beach that makes your dick fall off and start talking to you that's a line from a movie we watched a while ago this guys dick falls off cuz he took the pill that gives you cancer and his dick fell off and started talking to him anyway guys this is my fanfiction I wrote it myself its about the gay love between lucario and john kramer from saw so it all begins in the woods where john is walking his brain tunmor and he hears something in the woods and he goes and follows the noises and its lucario he is stuck in the tree and john is like omg no way lucario and lucario is like lucario so john helps him get out of the tree but lucario falls down and hits his arm with a loud thud and hes like omg jiksaw no way i love your show and john is like omg tysm and lucario is like what can i ever do to repay you for letting me out of this tree and john is like idk so lucario pulls down johns pants and says i just thought of something and johns old man cock is all flopsy and his pubes are like an old asian man wiht a long beard and lucario sucks off john and john is like ooo ooo aa aaa feels so good and lucario is like schlurp schlurp and john cums but its all dust because hes old and all old men cum dust and john is now in the mood so he turns around and says to lucario to take him so lucario gets hard he has a 9inch red rocket cock and he puts it in john but its not very tight because hes old so it kinda just goes in really easy and lucario is thrusting in and out of john and its really hot and john has a backwards baseball cap on and lucario knots him and john does an aheago face and lucario fills up john with cum and makes his stomach bulge so a few minutes later the knot comes out and john passes out cuz he eepy and lucario smirks and is like thats why they call me the steamroller and phases into nothingness like he was never even there john still waits to this day for lucario to come back but he doesnt know if he ever will so that was my fanfiction guys i hope you like it it took me a few months to write in betwwen my classes so yeah pls like and subscribe also its still hot as fuck in this room but the fan is helping a little bit ok according to google i have only a few hundred more characters left so i will leave you with the wordle answers for the next few days i know them cuz my dad works at the york times and knows all the wordle answers so here you guys go the worlde answers for the next days are

[alectoperdita]

for the drabble challenge, maybe something funny with 39 and 12? or 51 if that's more to your liking :D

I’m sorry. I tried reaching for humor but fell short. Dub characterization here cuz I really wanted Kaiba to get called “babe.”

“I’m your husband. It’s my job.”

Tea jogged over, leaned against the car, and stuck her head halfway through Joey’s open window. “Wow, Joey, you’re on time.”

Joey reached across the gear shift and wedged an arm between Seto and his seatback. “You betcha, as long as I got this personal chauffeur.”

Tea and Seto rolled their eyes in almost perfect unison. Jounouchi had to bite his lip to keep from laughing at her subsequent surprised expression and Seto’s sour one. 

Tea recovered first, politely turning her attention away from his awkward and somewhat unsuccessful attempt to cuddle Seto in the driver’s seat. Which was honestly a feat when Joey had his head canted against Seto’s bony shoulder. 

He took that as a sign to get moving. They would be able to stay idle for much longer with the current traffic. Not to mention, Seto had a meeting to make.

Joey freed his arm but not before plastering a wet peck across Seto’s cheek with a resounding smack. “Thanks for the ride, babe. You’re the best.”

Seto wrinkled his nose in disgust. Oh, how he hated being called “babe,” but Joey couldn’t help but tease him, especially when they had an audience. “I’m your husband. It’s my job,” he responded with an almost long-suffering sigh. Still, his blue eyes contained a warm gleam that Joey knew to look for and treasure.

Joey chuckled to himself as he climbed out of the car. Almost as soon as he closed the door and cleared the curb, Seto was already speeding away before Tea could call out her goodbye. She dropped her waving hand to her side, and a small furrow settled between her brows. It stayed while they made their way to their destination on foot.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“It’s nothing.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Oh fine, doesn’t it bother you when he treats you like that?” Tea asked, coming to a stop to the side of the sidewalk.

Joey followed her example and stepped out of the path of other foot traffic. “What do ya mean?" 

"Kaiba, it’s almost like he treats you like a burden.” Her hands danced through the air as she spoke, brows still knitted together by confusion. 

“You know how Seto gets. He’s always been a sarcastic ass.”

“I suppose, but you two are married now. Seems like there should be more of a honeymoon phase. Well, I’d still feel miffed sometimes if my husband referred to our relationship as a ‘job.’”

Joey rubbed his chin, lost in momentarily thought. When he came back to himself, it was to Tea still staring up at him. “I guess, even if he waz serious, I wouldn’t, like, consider that an insult.”

Tea’s eyes widened in surprise. “Why’s that?”

“I mean, it’s Seto. He’s Seto Kaiba. For as long as we’ve known him, his priorities were prolly Mokuba and his company, prolly in that order too. If being my husband is like a job for him, it’d mean I’m at least as important as the company, right? I dun mind tying for second place in that case." 

By the time he finished with his explanation, Joey wore a small and fulfilled smile. Seto wasn’t the softest person. Joey had known that long before they entered into a relationship or marriage was ever in consideration. But Seto cared, and he cared fiercely when he did. 

"Huh, I would have never thought of it that way,” Tea muttered. “But it does make sense for someone like him.”

“'Sides, he risks losin’ half the empire in the divorce if he neglects my sweet ass,” Joey cackled.

“Didn’t you sign a prenup?” Tea snickered.

“Shuddup,” he hushed her in a conspiratory tone, making a show of looking over both of his shoulders. “I might get away with it if ya don’t remind him!”

She laughed, then threaded her arm through his elbow and dragged him toward their destination.

[fbwzoo]

(1/?) Anxious about pets anon here! Thank you for your reply, I adapted all your tips and already feel better :) In my first ask I almost talked about my situation sounding a bit hoarderish but didn't to keep it short but I realized I prolly should've! So I'm gonna explain myself a bit better now that I'm calm, I'll try to keep this short but I have a tendency to ramble so I apologize for the length in advance. Also gonna call myself 🌱 from now on since Anxious about pets anon is a bit long!!

(2/?) Normally getting two geckos and turts in a couple weeks is definitely a red flag and if I saw someone do that I'd definitely side-eye them. I do not support getting so many animals this fast at all which is why it freaked me out so badly and it's something I never want to do/experience again. I find preparing and caring for a new (species of) pet for the first few weeks very stressful to begin with, so doing so for multiple species simultaneously with little to no warning has been awful.

(3/?) However the reason I ended up in the situation at all was because I had seen a post online about a leopard gecko that was for sale enclosure & supplies included for fairly cheap, so I opened it for fun. Turned out the geck was actually in my area and the set up was not... Very good. So I talked with the seller and came to the conclusion I could take him as my own leo struggles to keep up with the phase my feeders breed anyway so I had the means to do so

(4/?) All is good, I'm getting a leo (picking him up this weekend). No biggie, except oh no. I find a morph of created gecko I have been looking for & I've had an empty set up waiting for this moment for ages. I'm a bit put off by the timing as I don't really like the idea of buying two pets in such a little amount of time, but it's too late for I have fallen in love and I justify getting him bc I've been prepared for this for a long time and it also happened to be my birthday that day. 

(5/?) Still, took a bit of a hit from it and looking back I would still classify it as an impulse buy as I had not expected to run into the crestie that day even if I had been prepared for a while. This has also been the first time I haven't waited 12+ months between purchasing animals which planted the seed of anxiety in me and the word "hoarder" did cross my mind a couple times but I ignored it, mostly because I knew I'm not one and thought it was silly to think that, but also cuz it scared me 

(6/?) Fast forward a few days I'm talking with the leo seller again. I ask why they're getting rid of it and they tell me they're quitting the hobby so they're rehoming everyone. In curiosity I ask what other animals do they keep and we talk about it for a bit till they say "everyone else already has a home except this baby turtle, no one wants him". I have no interest in getting a turtle, but like a fool & out of wanting to be educated I ask about the species as I'm not very familiar with turts

(7/?) I thought I made it clear I'm not going to take him before the chat but as the 'educational' convo went on the seller was actually picking apart my reasons why not & as pets are a special interest of mine I engaged very enthusiasticly w/o realising. At the end of the chat they said "I'm glad they're both going to a good home". I had missed two of my latest therapy sessions & have severe difficulty telling people no so I replied with "I'm just trying to help" & had a panic attack.

(8/?) It was too late to back down now so I'm getting a turtle. But with that what I was getting as well was more anxious and I spent the next day in bed, which helped. I opened up about it to a close friend, and instead of them reassuring me they told me they've been meaning to ask me if I could take a tortoise (that turned out to be a turtle as well) out of their friends hands. I said Im not sure if this is the right time, and my friend asked me to think about

(9/?) I ask my friend why does this turtle need a home anyway, he tells me the owners travel a lot and that the turtle is loved but neglected. I felt sad. My friend knows how I'm gonna react if someone comes to me directly to ask for help, especially if it's about a suffering animal. I grind my teeth & talk with the owners telling them I'll see what I can do, then I get a text telling me my friend has already made a plan how to deliver the 100g aquarium to my apartment.

(10/?) Even when I may not have wanted the turtles I'm glad if I get to make their lives more enjoyable. I will give them my everything and do my best to provide a good home for them. Tho it does hurt me my discomfort is secondary to other people when they know I will agree to things as long as they apply enough pressure, especially when I'm already vulnerable, but I suppose it's my fault too for not communicating well enough and for allowing them to take advantage of my difficulties

(11/11) Sorry this turned out a LOT longer than expected!! You don't have to post it I just wanted to let you know I didn't just wake up one day and decide to expand my family by half, but that it was more of a gradual process that I found myself unable to stop even when I wanted to, & will work with my therapist so I can be prepared for these situations in the future. Thank you again for the advice, it has helped me feel better! Ps. I will update when all the pets are here and settled down! -🌱

I hope you don’t mind me posting, I wanted to share your story with others, especially in case anyone was still worrying about the situation!

I’m sorry that you had so many people stomp all over your boundaries, especially your friend. That was super not cool of them. :/ I understand having difficulty saying no, especially when you’re wanting to help animals - I have issues with that too. I’m glad that you’re so aware of the problem & that you have a plan to work on it though!

Also I wanted to add one more bit of advice - keep in mind that you do not have to be the forever home for every one of these animals. Especially if you find yourself getting overwhelmed or having difficulty with care. You have to take care of yourself as well as the animals. I know turtles can be a fair amount of work and money to set up well, and while I know you said you’re up for the challenge, I just want to make sure you give yourself some room to breathe. If you do find that you’ve taken on more than you can deal with, it’s okay to look into options for rehoming some of the animals, and that doesn’t make you a bad person. I can definitely vouch for the experience of finding yourself in over your head & needing to take a step back and find a better place for a pet, even when it’s really hard! I know these words might not be necessary, but I just wanted to make sure someone said them, in case you needed to hear it. ♥

Thank you for the update and further explanation, and I hope everyone settles in well! I look forward to more updates if/once you’re able to do so. :) 

[apricotpicotty]

Dear future dee

24-02-2022

2pm

I'm at home on my phone as stargazing playing in the bg.

Discovered that I have a tiny crush on devansh and have a major thing for his hands. They're fucking pretty, long, slim I can't help but think of them in me. I am just a nympho idk. But yea apart from that the thing about having a crush on him is true. Hate it how he's surrounded by girls like literally every girl or even guys would go upto him for help. And the sad part is that I end up being a part of that crowd. I really wish to scribble something on his clothes on scribble day I.e. tomorrow but it might get canceled due to ptcd. Anyways I also want to go on a trip with him to meet ved as I'd promised him. But....idk

So yea not a head over heels type of crush but yea he's nice sweet tall has pretty hands kinda slim and thin ik I'm a fat bitch which balding scalpe. Has many friends and other people like me who has a crush on him ukw I feel it now. He's so sweet and nice I really want him to know we at least I appreciate him in almost every possible way maybe not his popularity and how he ignores me. No srsly he'll sit with aamna, sometimes talk to sharanya fucking talk soooo much with anushka and talks soo little with me. Like " acetone waha hai." "Phenol kidhar hai?" " physics lab Khula hai?" "Haan" and that's probably it. We never really made that many eye contacts unlike kanish, ujjwal, fuck right! Ujjwal comes up to me and asks "tu A mein he haina?" And good lord that made me so fucking furious dude literally doesn't know that I exist and this 12th and school phase is literally ending. I mean thats good if I look at the positive side. Bt whatever. Back to devansh I told aanvi about how I loved his hands and also the possibility of having a crush on him. And idky I felt the need to give an explanation. Obviously I said how sweet he is and shit and also how other people have a crush on him too. And broo I think I'm getting good at arranging my thoughts and telling them to people. I told aanvi about his hands not in a sexual way dw just told how pretty they are and I love them. So right I told her even tho I love his hands he would never know that someone in the crowd appreciates him. That feeling again. If I can't have that person I would still want him to be happy? Even if it's with someone else. Ik I'm not the one and most probably he isn't either.

Wait.

Am I feeling almost these things cuz of wht sharanya told me that day when outside lab devansh asked me about anushka's scale and I said "Haan shayad" "Yr mil nhi raha." (Just realized he never really looks me in the eye.) " Haan toh kya hua, Naya kharid le kitne ka he hoga." He smiled. Well he always does whenever he's talking to people. This is prolly the longest convo we ever had.

Idk if it's just a temporary thing I have for him. If it is I want it to be ASAP. And if it's not then I'll end it.

Dw after all the past experiences, I have learned how to control myself in this field.

And also dad and I laughed together in auto while coming back home and talked a lottt compared to the usual past. If we're coming back together from our drifted paths... I want it to happen ASAP.

That's all that happened noteworthy today. I was running on 2hrs of sleep few makhanas, egg pieces green tea water and a brownie which I had in school.

I need sleep.

Bye for now.

[awitnesstocorruption]

Once at a Skatepark here in Fresno

I met a guy who shared the same birthday with me; cant remember how I found out now, but he attended the same hs that I graduated from. He was of Italian ethnicity, but not a Cath, one of those indy type churches that seem focused on younger types I think. Yes, it does, all the time, every day, all my life; religion, its what I think about. and in the context Ive experienced. It might very well be the same for someone who is Muslim, I dont really know. My step brother had and has friends of significance who are. But the question arises; is the difference between a fraternity and a religion, the trans-ethnic and trans-racial composition of the members? Given my various approaches to the topic of human behavior, and given my philosophical and religious preferences for universality and abstract thinking, its hard synthesize it all and make it coherent. Whats it? Truth and Things.

Once I met a celebrity who shares the same birthday as me. The reason that the birthday topic is on my mind is because Im listening to NFG. The lead singer Jordan Pundik shares the same birthday. And his penis is even larger than Justin Biebers and Jordan has a whole section of Pornhub dedicated to his porn pics; its amazing! Since I remember now hours after writing this, I should admit that I dont know anything about Jordans penis but I do very much still enjoy the music of NFG even now 20 yrs after my Warped Tour/Emo phase of life. The lyrics are truly remarkable in the sense of how the hell did you fit all of those words and complex thoughts into pop punk diddys? And since the Penis insider story was just fluff Ill tell you a real one. I saw Jordan in SF at Warped Tour one year. I drove solo at the last minute because I was able to get a ticket. I waited in my car in the Parking lot cuz I got to the City early. I remember I had a CD player and had brought a lot to listen to. I had recently bought "Like Wow" by Nick Carter's younger sister and Aaron Carters older sister, her name is Leslie. The CD is significant cuz Im not generally a fan of "Bubble Gum" pop, but I really liked the single and still have it. My work friend, another guy named Mike made fun of me at work cuz of my liking that CD. He's prolly more of a NoFx fan or perhaps the Misfits Last Caress. Oh since this is already a penis paragraph I should mention that Yes, Aaron thats quite a wonderful photo of your very long penis which I saw. Amazing actually. It was in video form with a girl making comments. You were by a fireplace playing a guitar. In any event, Ive mentioned before that this younger generation, they are exhibitionists. Every guy and every girl, they've got videos. It has to be the result of Snapchat, I really believe that. And there was as much cachet with Snapchat as there was with Birkin Bags with one particular social subset of women. I was at some Apple Store overhearing a mom type talking with her daughters et al and there was so much like Im one of you cool young types now pride from the mom as she spoke about her Snapchat experiences. I just took notice because of my constant quest for sociological truth. Notice however that MY DEFINITION OF SOCIOLOGY AND PSYCHOLOGY would be a minimalistic philosophical one; so I dont think that my concepts are those of the social sciences. Psych, the person qua individual. Sociology, the person qua member of a group

oh shizzle I forgot to tell the story: I was in SF on a Saturday to attend Warped Tour one Summer. I drove my car by myself and srrived at some Pier early AM. Warped Tour is like a traveling show that can move a few hundred miles every day. So from the previous night busses snd vans were arriving at the Show venue which was a SF Pier. I saw that and being the very knowledgeable person I am knew that an opportunity might exist for me to get backstage and at the time I was a huge Drive Thru Records fan and NFG was my fav and STD too. But so I waited near the gate, kept checking the time as though I was impatiently waiting for an arrival, and then an arrival occurred of a large multi passenger vehicle. I saw a couple of people outside the vehicle helping to direct the driver and thought I would help out. I did and yes I was able to search through the place to find NFG and was able to meet Jordan! It was wonderful🔟 1️⃣2️⃣

It might be considered possible heresy but its not; theres a King of England who shares my birthday too; his signature is 🖕🏼up there. Its cool though, I got that from the Wiki. Its of Edward 6, the boy king and Protestant son of Henry 8

Fk, Im really an asshole arent I? I just went on Twitter and my last tweet, right at the top of my profile has me calling Twitter a shithole. Ooops. 😬

[swimthroughthefires]

#john wick #OKAY SO THE PARABELLUM HEADCANONS POST IS STILL IN PROGRESS but like...i have THOUGHTS#cuz every time i reconnect with this franchise i remember that relative to some of my other fandoms there is approx ZERO fic to my taste #and that most of the fic that IS to my taste is John/Santino...which like...I WILL READ AND I DON'T MIND IT but where's HELEN #although one really nice one by manic-intent had this line describing John and Helen and his rampage in the 1st movie that i liked #the whole joke is that WOW he killed the ENTIRE NYC RUSSIAN MOB for a dog and a car???? BADASS BRO #but of course...it isn't just a dog and a car. and the fic put it like this: #that john is mourning the death of that part of him that figured out how to be human #which is of course the part that loved helen and the part that lived with her for five years and made her the guiding light of his life #and...it's a powerful way of putting it and you should def read all of manic-intent's JW stuff cuz i haven't found much else #but i also...don't want to just wave away john's entire marriage as something he did...only to prove something to himself? #something that he did only as...a very intense character building exercise?  because ivery much don't think that was it #john loved helen. LOVED her. obsessively and devotedly and with every ounce of effort he had #he loved her with the same energy and effort that he channeled into killing...what? 300+ people over the course of 3 movies? #in fact his relationship with helen (like most action movie romances) would probably have been MASSIVELY unhealthy irl #because john almost literally killed and buried the person he used to be and built an entire new life solely BECAUSE OF HER #and if you accept takiki's version of Helen Wick - the woman who KNEW and LET HIM DO THAT - then that just spells Big Emotional Unhealthy #and john prolly had lots of good and bad and sad reasons why he loved her (HEADCANON POST LATER) but he DID LOVE HER #and even if john fulfilled every single prophecy that people can't change and he would just come right back to assassin world willigly or no #helen wasn't a blip on the radar. she wasn't a MISTAKE or a PHASE or anything at all insignificant. #she was his WIFE DAGNABBIT and he LOVED her and he killed a truly ungodly amount of people because they stole the last gift she gave him #and I KNOW IT'S JUST ANOTHER FRIDGED WOMAN IN A GUN-FU FRANCHISE BUT I JUST REALLY WANT MORE FIC ABOUT THEM takiki16

John Wick (2014)

[tenpercentsugar]

1-100 gibby

1. Is a kiss considered cheating?uhhh yuh

2. Have you ever faked orgasm?uhhhh nah

3. If you could have one superpower, what would it be?mind reading easily i would love to know what everyone thinks but i’d only like to be able to read minds when i want to, not like constantly

4. Do you think you are going to be rich in 7-8-9 years?nope bc i dont have a plan for that

5. Tell us some funny drunk story.one time me and dani left a get together in white pigeon early to get drunk very fast before they all came from the get together to the house and i got super wasted, wall twerked, then threw up and died as soon as everyone got there

6. Why are you no longer together with your ex?if i had one i could give an answer

7. If you had to choose one way to die, what would it be? quickly, in my sleep, when i’m very old

8. What are your current goals?get a job in a mental health facility, fall in love w a dude w a good job, have a cute ass baby

9. Do you like someone?no i aint got tiiiiiiiime

10. Who was the last person to disappoint you?next question!!

11. Do you like your body?no bitch fuck i look like

12. Can you keep a diet?i have never tried to have a healthy diet but if you mean can i keep a diet of tbell constantly then hell yeah

13. If the whole world listened to you right now, what would you say?BE NICE!!!

14. Do you work?every weekday

15. If you could choose only one food to eat to the rest of your life, what would it be?mac and cheese dude

16. Would you get a tattoo?i already have and i would totally get more

17. Something you don’t mind spending all your money on?gas for my car cuz i loooove to drive

18. Can you drive?yeah!!

19. When was the last time someone told you you were beautiful?yesterday but it was family so 🙄

20. What was the last thing you cried for?i have no idea what even triggered it i just had a huuuuuge panic attack ive never felt so crazy

21. Do you keep a journal?no i wish :-(

22. Is life fun?it can be!! is really up to you

23. Is farting in front of people irrelevant?yeah sure but theres still some fucks out there who would keep in relevant. i might be one of those fucks lowkey

24. What’s your dream car?a nissan cuz i love how touchy their brakes are

25. Are grades in school important?yeah bro the system is fucked up and teaches you nothing but grades get you into college if thats your goal

26. Describe your crush.WHO

27. What was the last book/movie that really impressed you?guardians of the galaxy vol. 2

28. What was your last lie?i cant tell ya!

29. Dumbest lie you ever told? i can’t remember at all bro i used to lie all the time so it could be a multitude of things

30. Is crying in front of people embarrassing?yes i hate doing it i prevent it as much as possible

31. Something you did and you are proud of?got clean

32. What’s your favourite cocktail?i have never drank a cocktail i just mostly drink beer hahaha

33. Something you are good at?editing papers hmu if you want me to proofread yo shit!

34. Do you like small kids?i work w them 5/7 days so i kinda have to but also yes

35. How are you feeling right now?nervous bc i need to use the bathroom but i don’t want jake hallman to see me look this crazy but he also could not even be here anymore and i just have no clue

36. What would you name your daughter/son?i have plenty of girl names in mind but boy names are super fuckin hard bc every boy name is a common boy name and the unique ones are too weird

37. What do you need to be happy?my mom and hella money

38. Is there someone you want to punch in the face right now?not right now, im not in the mood

39. What was the last gift you received?25 dollars cash for my bday

40. What was the last gift you gave?its been a while since i gave a gift

41. What was the last concert you went to?warped tour but today im going to a concert actually

42. Favourite place to shop at?i don’t even shop anymore but i guess for groceries, meijer. clothes, old navy.

43. Who inspires you?the gurls on my fb who lost hella weight after hs

44. How old were you when you first got drunk?16

45. How old were you when you first got high?17

46. How old were you when you first had sex?prolly around 30

47. When was your first kiss?never had one

48. Something you want to do until the end of this year?stay clean and thats really it

49. Is there something in the past you wish you hadn’t done?oh definitely pretty much all of 2016

50. Post a selfie.http://deathchamp.tumblr.com/tagged/me

51. Who are you most comfortable around?taylor and ash for sure. theyre my OGs, theyve seen me in the weirdest phases of my life, ive got nothing to lose now

52. Name one thing that terrifies you.dying too early, not living enough of a life

53. What kind of books do you read?true crime, jodi picoult, and some young adult when i wanna read something without thinking too hard

54. What would you tell your 12 year old self?none of these people matter, their opinions don’t matter, get better friends, quit worrying about boys you don’t even want to date them!!

55. What is your favourite flower?hydrangea

56. Any bad habits you have?i smoke cigs still! cuz i’m really fuckin dumb!

57. What kind of people are you attracted to?i dont even know anymore!! i dont know my type!!

58. What was the last thing you cried for?okay since i already kinda answered this, another time i cried recently was when i watched hella adoption surprise videos

59. Is there something you don’t eat? Some food that truly disgust you?you mean…every food damn near?

60. Are you in love?not w anything right now

61. Something you find romantic?any kind of surprise honestly like flowers sent to your work without warning type shit. not from like anybody tho hahaha like it gotta be from your SO

62. How long was your longest relationship? when

63. What are 3 things that irritate you about the same sex?i don’t really wanna make blanket statements so this gurl on twit’s been annoying me bc she’s judgmental, claims it is childish to handle beef in private, AND she’s preachy

64. What are 3 things that irritate you about the opposite sex? again, no blanket statements bih but this other dude on twit who i have muted af irritates me bc he’s holier than thou and has all of life’s answers, has the worst kind of sarcasm where its like laced w bitterness all the time, and he types properly like…all the time which i think he does to assert his intelligence. annoying

65. What are you saving money for?uhhh rent hahaha

66. How would you describe your bad side?i dont really have a good side i just have a little clout

67. Are you actually a good person? Why?yeah like at my core i think i’m a good person but like literally everyone else i’m capable of mean shit

68. What are you living for?my mom and thas really about it

69. Have you ever done anything illegal?yeah like everyday but nothin on like a felony scale

70. Do you like your body?no tf

71. Have you ever made someone feel bad about themselves intentionally?yeah but it was an argument in which they were also trying to make me feel bad

72. Ever sent nudes?hellll noooo

73. Have you ever cheated on someone?nah bro how would that even be possible

74. Favourite candy?take 5, all day everyday

75. Is there a blog you visit every day, or almost every day? Tag it!i don’t check blogs anymore

76. Do you play any computer games? What is your favourite game?no i used to when i was a kid tho!

77. Favourite TV series?bob’s burgers, that 70s show, one tree hill, law and order: svu, grounded for life

78. Are you religious? Does God exist?i am not religious so i have no clue. hes never come to me

79. What was the last book you read? Did it impress you and why?i can’t even remember. that annoys me so bad i wanna read again

80. What do you think about vegetarianism/veganism?i support it! i would be terrified to do it bc i am SUCH a picky eater i would have to eat like only potatoes to survive

81. How long have you been on Tumblr?five long years

82. Do you like Chineese food?i havent tried most of it but from what i have, no

83. McDonalds or Subway?subway i damn near never wanna go to mcdonalds ever again

84. Vodka or whiskey?neither just this question made me wanna throw up

85. Alcohol or drugs?drugs

86. Ever been out of your province/state/country?i’ve only ever been out of state but i’d love to go out of country

87. Meaning behind your blog name?i was listening to cherry bomb heavy and i loved deathcamp so i thought this was a cool play on words taha

88. What are you scared of?everything, next question

89. Last time you were insulted?can’t even remember. i told you i have a little clout

90. Most traumatic experience ?losing christian. fucked me up really bad

91. Perfect date idea?amusement park/water park. thats my ideal and i will not rest until it happens

92. Favourite app on your phone?twitter and finstagram all the time, tumblr and reddit when i’m high

93. What colour are the walls in your room?beige

94. Do you watch Youtube? Who is your favourite youtuber?i do! i love youtube! sarah baska and ashlynn tapp are who i look for when i get on

95. Share your favourite quote.keep calm and carry on, duh

96. What is the meaning of life?to improve. your life, the lives around you, your community, and especially the greater good of the world. basically if you’re not trying to grow you might as well be dead

97. Do you like horror movies?uhhhh no bye

98. Have you ever made your mum cry? What happened?all throughout my life. what happened was i bait the fuck out of her constantly

99. Do you feel lucky or special in a way?no i have no reason to do that

100. Can you keep a secret?yeah i’m not a monster

[ruginite]

Mississippi Mud

Runnin’ late. I’d stayed up late talkin’ t’m’mom over live stream from whatever country she was in. Hadn’t heard t’alarm. I could already hear t’ribbin’ I was in for. Already hadda list a’come backs too; cuz Der? Really needed t’get new material. Not that I ever said anythin’, cuz I didn’t.

There were things that shoulda warned me. Things that shoulda tipped me off. But I just...I didn’t see ‘em. In to much of a god damn hurry I guess. Parkin’ Angie cross t’street. Shufflin’ in t’back door cuz I knew...I thought I knew he’d be there. Hangin’ in the office door way with that fuckin’ look on his face but...he wa’n’.

He wa’n’...n’ I shoulda fuckin’ known somethin’ was wrong. But like a jackass I just went to put m’shit n’t’fridge. Grabbed sum coffee that nobody’d touched. Second fuckin’ thing that shoulda had me knownin’ things weren’t right. Didn’t put it all t’gether ‘til I rounded t’corner...opened t’door to t’bays. Christ it all went t’shit so fast.

Tires...fuckin’ standin’ stiff as a board. Whiter n’a fuckin’ ghost. Grease monkey got upset over m’killin’ bugs for Christsake. He wa’n’ no coward bu’ he wa’n’...didn’t go lookin’ for trouble. Talked his way...n’ mine outta it most days. N’that’s exactly what he was doin’ then. Talkin’. Tryin’ t’word a gun outta his face.

I just ran y’know? Didn’t fuckin’ think about it. Just fuckin’ reacted. Yellin’ at t’asshole...I didn’t have a plan I just...I had t’get Tires off t’business end a’that gun, ya know? Give ‘em a chance to run. But Jesus he didn’t do it. He just fuckin’ stood there, like his boots had adhered to t’concrete.

Fucker with t’gun starts yellin’ back at me. Sayin’ t’stop movin’ but fuck I don’t listen. I knew he couldn’t hurt me with what he was carryin’.I knew it; right down t’m’bones that weren’t bone anymore. I thought if I could just get close enough. Take a bullet maybe two if he was fast...but if I could just get close enough to grab it. Close enough t’knock is fuckin’ ass out it’d be over. I just didn’t expect what gettin’ shot point blank in...[a thumb rubs against a chest absently]...felt like. Even with metal linin’. 

S’just a loud noise. What feels like takin’ a punch from Thor r’maybe fuckin’ Hulk might feel like....s’fuckin’ quiet after that. No sound n’I can’t get traction. M’fallin’. And then...[a snap of fingers]...just like that s’all gone. Black as pitch n’ I don’t remember shit ‘til I came too with SHIELD agents hoverin’ over me like fuckin’ flies.

They’re tossin’ orders at me, questions...but I don’t hear ‘im, not really. My ears are still ringin’, heart feels like it’s gonna fuckin’ beat right outta m’chest. Push ‘em all off me. Rippin’ lines outta me. Dust the doors, practically roll out. Half blind from t’sun. S’gotta be hours later, thinkin’ back on it, but then I just remember screamin’ for him. Over n’ over n’ over. Runnin’ even though felt like m’legs were six feet behind me, even with black suits tryin’ t’catch me. I think I...I think I musta phased through sum’a’em. I can’t explain how I dodged ‘em any other way. 

Then I’m fallin’ again, rollin’ down a hill that shouldn’t fuckin’ be there. Don’t realize what it is ‘til I hit t’bottom. Pull m’self up. Tryin’ t’focus on what’s around me...s’all gone. T’garage. Supply shop next door. T’diner across the street. Bait n’ tackle...[a hand passes through hair heavily]...half t’fuckin’ town just...gone. There’s ruins...bits n’pieces left. People n’white suits pickin’ through it all. N’that’s when I see it...that’s when the screamin’ stops. T’ringin’ n’m’ears. when everythin’ just fuckin’ stops. 

But m’movin’ again. Feet still six feet behind me. Pushin’ people outta t’way. Ashin’ away brick, n’ iron rods...concrete n’ parts of cars, n’rubber. I can’t breathe...s’toxic shit from the burnt tires n’chemicals....gasoline from t’garage. But it ain’t that, what m’chokin’ on. I still dunno how i managed t’pull ‘im out. But there....there wa’n’ a singe fuckin’ piece a’im that ain’t broke. Ain’t crushed. I didn’t....I don’t think it really hit me ‘til I touched skin. Sittin’ there holdin’ on to ‘im. Sinkin’ into t’mud, cuz' of a’busted a water main. I’d done this. Weren’t a single bullet in ‘em. I’d done this...tryin’ t’save ‘im...I’d...[a shake of a head]

It hurt...everythin’....n’ I just remember t’ground startin’ t’shake. People yellin’, a buzzin’ noise, sharp pain n’m’back. Next time I woke up...I was behind glass n’ steel n’ I couldn’t fuckin’ tell ya which way was up.... [ a hand settles on a forearm. Thumb passing up and down along cotton ]

I ain’t never got to go back. Prolly a good thing I guess. Ain’t much welcome there anymore. What with everyone thinkin’ m’dead n’all. And maybe that ain’t such a lie. Cuz I think a part a’me did die. Or at least broke off n’sunk n’to t’mud right along with Tires.