whenever me and my therapist talk about how other people perceive me she always says there's nothing negative, only that i come across as "distanced and slightly cold" (hard to translate the german term but it's not negative) which okay anna sure, if i am so nice then why did 99% of the people who interacted with me ended up contributing to my trauma???
like of course i'm fucking distanced and cold now, i don't want anyone to do that shit to me again. everyone wanted me to be like this so i would stop bothering them, so they could try to forget about my horrible existence that was so unbearable it made them try to erase it.
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there are a lot of evil people in the world and a lot of darkness in the world and so it’s very important for me to stress that now more than ever is the time to spread kindness and compassion. combat the evil by not only not partaking in it, but actively refuting it. destroy the notion that being compassionate or generous or kind to someone is uncool or embarrassing or even scary. be the change you want to see. start a chain reaction. positivity only breeds more positivity. do an act of kindness for someone so that that person who is too afraid to do it themselves can see you, realize that they’re not alone, and perhaps sheepishly follow your example. and then the next person who is too afraid but sees that person can do the same. when bad news comes out about bad people or horrible atrocities in the world it’s such an easy impulse to despair, and obviously it’s important to feel what you need to feel. grieve. be angry. be sorrowful. be empathetic. but dust off your pants and get up and be a part of a chain reaction that, no matter how small the scale, and spread compassion and love and care. all the reasons why you might not—“it’s hard! it’s scary! people will make fun of me! it’s useless because there’s too much evil!” are all grade A arguments as to why you should. you have no idea how many people you could inspire to do the same. even if it doesn’t get you anyway far, you can at least say you have the nobility of trying. please choose love and please choose life. you are worth loving and you are worth inspiring others to love
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one thing i am really noticing on this rewatch is how long it takes for silver to start looking like silver. seeing him in (especially in the early part of) s1 always feels so jarring to me idk why but with everyone else already having their Look down (character driven style pivots of flint and eleanor nonwithstanding) he still feels very Unformed.
idk if thats just me on my nth rewatch projecting my foregone conclusions and opinions abt him as a character on him but i do think even w the change he undergoes being a very gradual one (unlike the previously mentioned pivot of eleanor from Pirate Boss to Ladywife or flints buzzcut of grief and political radicalisation), there is a definitive period where he is not yet locked in, so to speak.
i think what gets me as 'not silver yet' is him being clean shaven and that he wears light colours but genuinely. thats a chameleon still deciding which colour to turn while it watches the room and once hes decided with whom to side he commits not only to a 'personality' but also to a wardrobe style which in his case is first unassuming dark clothes and growing his hair and beard and then slowly bit by bit hes adding details like necklaces and rings and starts wearing his hair differently etc until he ends in his Coat Era once he starts to assume real power as he begins the transformation from 'john silver' into 'long john silver'
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i wish paimon x lucifer had been the bigger slash ship for king duck it would’ve been so fucking funny if paimon was also suffering compulsory heterosexuality and had internalized homophobia all this time. especially when his original lore in the ars goetia demonology is his unending, never stopping devotion to lucifer. he is his BIGGEST follower.
and if paimon was queer in hb context, it meant he forced his son into the closet the same way he forced his own self into it. except worse because stolas didn’t even get that choice. paimon’s one of those queer men who vehemently denies he is queer and shit but has pictures of lucifer everywhere. he writes poems. lucifer has his contact with hearts by his name. they have weird pet names. but no homo, guys! (or bi/pan/poly in Lucifer's case lmao)
stolas sees his dad and lucifer super close and shit and he’s like... pot, meet kettle. also it means him and charlie are stepsiblings and charlie has 71 other step-brothers.
Also height difference.
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I love Decked Out for so many reasons; the build itself is beautiful, the gameplay is fun and engaging, Tango deserves it, the competition is thrilling and the deck-building strategy is intriguing. But by far my favourite aspect of the game is how it has brought the Hermits together.
There are almost always Hermits hanging out in the Citadel, and they gather in numbers for the phase rankings reveal and shard distribution. Tango watches as many runs as he can. It is ridiculous fun to see them all interacting and talking and laughing together.
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Kaiju Number 8 Incorrect Quotes <take 6>
*depressed Iharu sitting on a bench*
*Aoi and Haruichi come over and sit on either side of him*
*Few minutes of silence later*
Haruichi: Wah nee nah nu nee nu nee nu Wah nee nah nu nee nu nee nu-
Aoi: *Starts thumping out the beat on the wall behind them*
Iharu: . . .
Iharu: SHE'S GOT A SMILE THAT SEEMS TO ME, REMINDS ME OF CHILDHOOD MEMORIES-!
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billions also comedy gold presenting winston as a scapegoat for abuse culture fans when it's like but hey it can't be actual scapegoating if you Enjoy It or consider it Justified or experience Reassurance from Its Opportunity For A Group Cohesion Substitute For A Cohesion Based On An Inherent Equal Degree Of Belonging, The Absence Of Which Allows For, Encourages, Reinforces, & Rewards Scapegoating
it can't be Bullying if someone's Weird or you Just Don't Personally Like Them or Nobody's Actually Stopping You, Maybe At Least If They Don't See Too Much Of It, Maybe Others Are Supporting It
it can't be Abuse if you're just doing things Normally or are Following Rules or Aren't Feeling Malicious And Aren't Getting Divine Revelations Otherwise and probably it's just that a lot of abnormal people are being whiny &/or unfair &/or the Real malicious ones. kinda just like how that scapegoat is the real person ruining everything and really just forcing you to treat them like this
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