#probably somewhere around 8 months ago

[simply-starryeyed]

i am filled with grief. i do not know where to put it. it overflows like a spilling sink sometimes, unable to stop itself from pouring over the edges, and then i must sit on the floor and clean it up and put it back.

i am filled with grief. i do not know who i would have become without it. it fills me with more grief than i already have to think about it. that person would be much happier, I think. but i don't know who that person is.

i am filled with grief. there are so many blank patches where i could not tell you what became of them, for i do not remember and i am not sure i want to. so many memories i have lived yet do not know. it is better this way, i think.

[most-normal-eccles-cake-ignorer]

Good Omens: Lockdown and Crowley not mentioning his living situation in S2*

*till S2E6 when he asks if he can have his apartment back bc he's bored of living in his car but Aziraphale doesn’t hear bc mentally he’s in Alpha Centauri.

Having read the 'Crowley doesn't tell him' Neil Gaiman ask close to when I first listened to Lockdown (I lived under a rock until recently), my initial thought was HAS HE BEEN LIVING IN HIS CAR FOR YEARS?! but I think he was still in his apartment in 2020:

as far as Hell knows, Crowley just had a pool party in holy water (the holiest) so the higher-ups are probably willing to give him some space (plus Beelzebub is busy going on pub dates w Gabriel)

while there should be ~8 months between the end of Season 1 events (The Very First Day of the Rest of Their Lives on Sunday, Aug 25, 2019) and the Lockdown phonecall (on or near the 30 year anniversary on May 1, 2020), I can't imagine that's a very long time for Hell, especially if you're understaffed and busy dealing with fallout from Almostgeddon / going on pub dates

Shax dropping off mail and asking about the boiler seems like something one does in the first few months of living somewhere, not ~3 years in (if S2 is in 2023)

That said, I think the phone call underlines why Crowley never directly tells Aziraphale that he is living in the Bentley in S2, and it's just a great conversation (all hail Gaiman) sooo I wrote about it:

***Note: This post analyzes the Lockdown phonecall from Crowley's perspective only. Our heroine is feeling quite emotionally vulnerable at this point in time so things are going to hit him harder than they normally would.

I do not think Aziraphale meant to cause him pain (!!) but Crowley can't see that yet and I've written this post in a way that reflects that missing insight. (I explain in more detail in this reblog if you are interested) I am working on a companion post for Aziraphale's side of this conversation and how I think it affects his behavior in S2 because if we know anything about these two, it's that their exactlys are different exactlys.***

Crowley’s habit of sleeping to skip time like an RPG character by a campfire amuses me to no end, but in this context it feels heavy. Crowley already worries about losing time with what he loves and he probably hoped things would be different between him and Aziraphale after the events of S1. But things don’t change much. Then lockdowns start, and Crowley is trapped in his apartment alone, transcendentally bored, and unable to make his brain shut up. Sleeping a month away starts to sound less awful.

But Crowley hasn’t given up yet; he’s still awake when Aziraphale calls, and he’s even giving it two more days. Was he waiting for Aziraphale to call? Is it even possible not to at least kind of wait for someone’s call when you are cut off from everything and the caller has been your only friend and crush for millennia?

Aziraphale asks why Crowley isn't "out and about" tempting people or setting a bad example and he responds:

C: Everyone's so miserable and cooped up right now anyway, and I just… well… don't have the heart for it. A: *glowing audibly* I'm not miserable~ C: Really?

Crowley sounds genuinely surprised at Aziraphale's happiness and quickly assumes it's because the angel has been around people. He's so lonely/depressed/in his own head that he hadn't even considered someone enjoying being 'cooped up'. *sob*

Aziraphale goes No actually I put the closed sign up in the window and I'm having the Time of My Life, never had so few customers, not in 200 years!, etc. Although, he says:

A: …There were a few young lads a couple of nights ago who broke in through the back and tried to steal the cashbox! But they soon saw the error of their ways~ C: *clearly amused* Did you smite them with your wroth? A: Well I certainly gave them a good talking to, and I sent each of them home with cake~ C: *annoyed, swooning* Cake? A: Quite a lot of cake, actually. C: *physically ill from having such a giant crush on this dumbass baker/security guard* eeeekkkgghhh I'm gonna regret asking but.. ...rrgh.. *30 seconds of Aziraphale joyfully describing his baking while Crowley probably tries very hard not to imagine the angel eating each item in sensual slow motion* I stg you can hear him struggling in the background once or twice

A: …And once I've baked them, I have to eat them all myself, which was why I was so delighted— C: To send your burglars home laden with baked goods, yes, nnyeaayeah I follow…

Crowley interrupts, finishing Aziraphale's sentence in his nervous hurry to say the next bit:

C: *loud inhale* You know, I could.. hunker down at your place. … Slither over and watch you eat cake. I could bring a bottle--a case of… something… drinkable…?

He's trying to sound so casual about it but this is someone who was rejected/abandoned by actual literal God after asking what he thought were welcome, uncontroversial questions. Asking makes him vulnerable. He's supposed to be the rescuer, not a demon in distress. He does not feel casual about asking.

Crowley knows it's unlikely but he's so miserable and desperate for company that he can't help but ask, just in case. Even the smallest chance of spending time trapped indoors with Aziraphale—with nothing to do but drink, watch him eat, and talk about things they'd normally avoid—is too tempting.

A: *panicking* Oh I— I— I— I— I'm afraid that would be Breaking All The Rules! *nervous breathing* Out of the question! I'll see you… when this is over. C: Right. gnnehh. I'm setting the alarm clock for July. Good night, angel. *dial tone*

And just like that, Crowley doesn't need two days to decide. The depression nap doubles in length. He doesn't hear how badly Aziraphale wants to say yes behind the fear, or maybe he does and it hurts worse because why isn't Crowley enough for him? You can almost hear the spiralling:

SHOCKING, asking made it worse. It always does doesn’t it? Why even bother? you just embarrass yourself.. SLITHER over? why did I say that *grumble grumble* of COURSE His Holy Holiness, your only friend in the universe, would rather eat cake by himself while everything goes to shit than ~deign~ to have you in his presence. "AsK aND yE sHaLl ReCeIvE" bugger this for a lark im going to bed

(a bit dramatic but we've all been there)

I imagine sleep doesn't come right away. Maybe his thoughts drift to when he sat beside the angel at a dark Tadfield bus stop after a rather eventful Saturday. Crowley must've felt a tiny bit hopeful when he invited Aziraphale to stay with him: Heaven had withdrawn its favor and the bookshop was gone; Aziraphale was like him now. Didn't that mean things would change?

"I don't think my side would like that." Apparently not.

In the end, Aziraphale did ride the bus back to Crowley's apartment and stayed till the next morning when he caught a cab, but only to sell the illusion. Crowley understood that as far as sides went, the angel was still on Heaven's, even if Heaven wasn't on his.

And now this: the entire world is shut down; there is nothing for Aziraphale to do but stay in and read and bake in his magically reconstituted bookshop and he still won't invite Crowley in. Burglars and un-fallen angels only—nobody who asks questions.

So... of course Crowley doesn't tell Aziraphale when he loses his apartment. He already knows what answer he would get; the angel has told him so many times. Aziraphale is a company man first, a companion to one very sad owl when convenient.

If Crowley works up the courage to say 'please take me in, I have nowhere else to go' and Aziraphale goes 'sorry, no, far too political, but I WILL risk being erased from the Book of Life to protect this nude amnesiac former coworker who always hated me,' it's going to be too much. You can't sleep long enough for that type of hurt to go away. Better not to say anything.

"Then nothing has to change, does it?"

[kriffingstars]

Johnny MacTavish; found out

pairing: Johnny MacTavish x Price!Reader summary: you and Johnny get rumbled. Uncle John is not a happy camper warnings: verrrrrry slight age gap (I imagine reader to be around 20, Johnny is 26), canon typical violence, swearing a/n: i wrote this running off of 4 hours sleep on an 8 hour flight, i can only apologise for any typos/sentences that don’t make sense. i did try and check before posting

It's careless really, the way your Uncle finds out about the two of you.

After two months away, he calls you to let you know he'll be home at the end of the week. You get a similar call from Johnny after, letting you know that he'll be all yours for the next few weeks.

At your beck and call, is how he phrases it.

You hadn't forgotten about the letter stuck to the front of the fridge with one of the magnets your Uncle had bought you whilst he was away a few months ago.

On the contrary, you adore it. It's on the fridge because you see it every time you walk into the kitchen. Reading the tentative words in the first love letter you have ever received.

Sweets,

Being away from you is killing me, I'm being safe like I promised, keeping my head in the game, but I can't get you out of my head.

All I'm thinking about is coming home to you, you're going to have to pry me off you when I'm back.

I haven't said it yet but I love you. No one will ever come close to the way I feel about you. You bring me peace, make all the stuff in my head quiet and it's just you.

I can't believe you've been hidden away from me all this time.

When I'm home I'm going to take you out, I'll whisk you away somewhere nice and it'll be just us. No work, no worries and we'll figure it all out.

I hope you're not working too hard like I know you do. You're too smart for any of us, me especially. I could listen to you talk for days. Missing your voice, I'm sorry we can't call, but figured you'd enjoy a letter all the same.

Love your Johnny x

You cried like a baby when it arrived. Even when you're thousands of miles apart he's still thinking about ways to make you happy, and you're more than sure that he is it for you.

No one else could ever compete with the way that he has completely and utterly captured your heart.

Price feels his blood boil as he holds the letter in his hands, eyes flitting over a few of the stand-out phrases in it, written in Johnny's unmistakable handwriting. He's seen it enough on reports he's had to sign off to know it's his without having to even check the last line.

Seething is an understatement as he climbs back into his car, racing back to base to confront the man who has blatantly ignored all the warnings he's given.

It's not even the disrespect that angers him the most, it's the trust that Soap has completely broken. All the assurances, joking that you're a nicer version of him. How it's all just friendly, how he'd never make a move on you.

His thoughts flit back to you, you've got no clue what you've done to yourself. What you've opened yourself up to because if you realised, he's certain you would never have done this to him.

You're out at the moment, god knows where. He was expecting you to be at home considering it's the summer holiday for you. He'll deal with you later, probably more softly and with a bit more tact than the way he knows he's going to deal with Soap when he gets his bloody hands on him.

He's never driven so quickly back to base, even when he's been called in for emergencies.

He doesn't care for the speeding fine he's most likely going to cop, all that's on his mind is tearing Soap limb to fucking limb.

"MacTavish," is all he bellows as he spots the Scotsman, laughing with Ghost about who knows what.

"What the fuck is this?!" he bellows, slapping the letter down on the table in front of the cursed man.

Everything about the action causing the Scotsman in front of him to jump out of his skin.

"You're a dead man, MacTavish. Going to fucking bury you," he shouts as he leaps towards Soap, who's backed away from the table and the letter that's tossed on top of it.

Ghost has never seen the Captain so red, the veins in his neck stand up with rage as a vein down his forehead pulses with anger.

He doesn't waste any time putting himself between the two men, holding Soap back, his t-shirt screwed in his fist, and a flat palm again Price's chest.

It doesn't matter that he's the aggressor in this instance, he's not manhandling his Captain, no matter the issue.

"I told you to stay away, let you be her friend and you ignore everything."

Right. This needs to go somewhere private because this is definitely a personal issue, and there are a lot of eyes on the three of them currently, listening in to everything.

"Not here," is all Ghost needs to say before Price is storming off to his office, not even checking to see if Soap is following. He doesn't need to, Soap knows he'll only make things even worse if he runs now.

"What did you do, mate?" is all he says as he releases the man, pushing him in front, not before grabbing the letter left on the table, as they both march to Price's office.

When they get there papers are strewn, furniture is out of place and Price is pacing and mumbling incoherent threats.

Neither man has ever seen him so riled up, even on the battlefield. It's jarring. Usually, their Captain is so precise with his anger, it's carefully controlled and this is nothing like that.

He doesn't acknowledge them when they come in, he lets them stew in the tension. Waiting to pounce.

"Sit down."

Soap's in the chair in seconds, and for the second time today Ghost sees something new, this time it's Soap moving the fastest he ever has.

"I'm going to ask you questions and you're going to answer them."

Ghost feels like he really shouldn't be here, but if he leaves now he's not certain both men are coming out of this room alive.

Soap's looking absolutely terrified, he's pale and shaking harder than ever. His heart is beating at a rate that's completely unsustainable, he's either going to pass out or go over with a clutcher.

"How long."

Soap is stumbling over his words as he eventually spurts out "Six months,"

"Sir. Six months, sir," Price corrects, as he squares his shoulder, the tension not easing.

"Yes sir, sorry sir," Soap apologises as he bows his head not risking making eye contact.

"You've been lying to me and directly disobeying order for six fucking months!" he spits, as he advances on the man in the chair, before slamming his hand down on the desk next to Soap.

The sound rips through the office and once again Soap is jumping out of his skin at the blistering noise.

"Do you realise what you've done?" is the next thing that comes from Price's mouth. It's barely audible as he gets up in the younger man's face.

Ghost's seen Price interrogate the worst of the worst, and still, nothing could compare to this. The venom in his voice, or the malice in his eyes.

It's personal this time.

"Tell me why I shouldn't gut you from head to toe?" he spits, as he leans back again, waiting for Soap's answer.

"Because I love her, sir."

It's the first time he lifts his gaze the entire interaction.

"You love her?" Price scoffs, as he mocks the man shrinking under his gaze.

"That makes it okay then, why didn't you say so?" he mocks.

Ghost isn't sure what's going to happen next, it certainly isn't what Soap says next.

"I want to marry her, sir. She's the best thing that's ever happened to me, sir."

That was definitely not the right response, and it sends Price reeling.

"Oh, that makes it okay then, should have just said so!" he's seething now. Ghost really didn't think he could get more riled up than he already is, but once again he's surprised which doesn't happen very easily.

"Not only have you disrespected my orders. You've dragged her into your life and now you plan on marrying her now," his voice is steady and now filled with a deeply unsettling calmness.

"Get out of my sight," is the next thing to come out of his mouth before turning his back to the men in the room.

"And don't you ever think of contacting her again."

[sunshine-theseus]

I’ve Got You | Charlie Grant x reader

Word Count: 2.4k Summary: Having someone like Charlie by your side makes pregnancy a whole lot easier. i don't think this is my best i'm sorry Warnings: none? Request for - @charligrantismygirlfriend

Being friends with Katrina basically guaranteed being friends with Kyra and Charlie.

I met Kat in 2022, toward the end of her time at Brisbane, as she was beginning to get back in with the Matildas. I found myself crying in the baby aisle of a rather desolate IGA in Clayfield when she crouched next to me and asked me if I was alright. I didn’t look up as I struggled to calm my sobbing to explain my situation.

“He- he left me. I’m 21 and pregnant without a partner. How am I supposed to have a baby without a partner?” I stared up at her with red-rimmed eyes and tears that stream down my cheeks. It’s then that I notice she has a young baby resting on her hip, eyes gently closed as her head rests on the shoulder of this woman.

“Do… do you have anyone that will help?” I vigorously shook my head, then told her how I’d been living alone for 4 years, my parents running off to whatever dingy town they decided would bring them the most drugs without police caring.

“A- and he kicked me out. Oh fuck I don’t have anywhere to live what the fuck am I doing?!” my eyes frantically flickered around the store as my situation settled in. There was no way I could survive this.

“I know this is a weird offer but… you could live with me? I have a spare bedroom and rent is getting kind of wild. And Harper would love you.” She looked down at the girl who clung to her with such adoration.

“I’m Katrina.” She reached out her hand and I took it.

“Y/n” I smiled gently at her.

“I mean it. You living with me. I had Harper 8 months ago and I have bunch of pregnancy books and clothes and all that stuff.”

“W- what about your partner? Won’t he mind?”

“She lives in Sweden, so probably not.” Katrina then told me her story of wanting to be a mum and going through IVF, and how Harper brought her back to football.

~~~~~

About 2 months later, I was flying over to Sweden, following shortly after Kat and Harper left. I attended pretty much every game Kat played, taking care of Harper when her mum couldn’t make it, and researching a lot.

I was lucky my job was remote, so I was able to move around with Kat without an issue. My boss had sent a small gift basket of baby books and clothes when I told her I would be living overseas for 6 or so months. She also gave me less work, insisting that I meet people and do fun things instead of worrying about how much I had to do. She was probably the person who pushed me the most to meet someone new.

It was 2 weeks after I moved in with Kat, and met Clara, that I met Charlotte and Kyra. Despite Kyra’s club being 5 – 6 hours away, she’d somehow managed to make it down for a few days on a short break between matches. We all went for coffee and brunch, me limiting my food to hashbrowns and toast because most other things made me nauseas.

Charlie and Kyra asked how Kat and I met and why I was living with them. I gave them a rather short version of the day in the IGA, and Charlie reached over and put an empathetic hand on my shoulder. I give a tight-lipped smile in return.

It doesn’t take long for me to grow close to the two younger players Kat had also taken under her wing. Some days they had off, I’d take Harper off Kat and Clara’s hands and take her somewhere with Charlie, like the park or a pool. Other days we’d all go together and when Kyra could, she’d come down and spend a couple days.

It’s nice to have friends my age to hang out and talk with, Katrina having been the only person I had for the most part of 3 or so months.

Both girls insisted I need to meet the other Matildas, but I struggled to find time when they have camp, or I’m too nauseas to travel.

This creates a new problem when Kat and Clara both decide to head back to Brisbane in mid-November now that the Swedish season is done, so Kat can play with the Roar again during the A-League season.

My bump is relatively big, and most forms of travel make me sick, so I know I won’t really be able to travel with them back home, and in a few more weeks I won’t be allowed to fly. So I’m stuck by myself again. Until Charlie makes a rather compelling offer.

They don’t have any matches in the up-coming international break, so she offers me to live with her for the time being so I’m not as alone. The one fault to present itself, is she only has 1 bed. I insist I sleep on the couch, but she waves the idea away as I hold my stomach, trying to relieve some pressure.

“Oh! Can I try something? It might help give you some relief for a moment. I saw it on TikTok.” I simply nod my head; I’ll try anything at this point.

I’m slightly shocked when she circled around behind me and reached around my front, but I can’t question anything before she placed her hands beneath my belly and lifts. I groan in relief and my hand rolls back onto her shoulder.

“Holy shit that feels so nice.” She holds my belly for a minute or so before gently removing her hands and pressing a kiss to my cheek.

I flush red as she goes back to making lunch. I’ve found myself doing that a lot around her recently. Any nice gesture or any touch and I’m blushing and butterflies flutter around my stomach. Sometimes I wonder if the same thing happens to her.

Later in the day, I'm desperate to take a nap, so I slowly lay down on Charlie’s couch. It takes her all of 5 seconds to realise and start pulling me up, dragging me to her bedroom.

“If you’re so adamant that I don’t sleep on the couch, and you definitely shouldn’t be sleeping on the couch, we can share the bed. It’s big enough for us both.” I don’t have the energy to refuse as I fall back against the pillows, eyes fluttering shut as Charlie plays with my hair.

~~~~~

I spend the next 2 months spending time with Charlie and Kyra, who also decided not to travel home until their Cup of Nations games in February. Kyra stays on a blow-up mattress she lugged with her from Stockholm while Charlie and I continue to share the bed.

I’m a week away from my due date when I feel something wet drip down my legs. Kyra and Charlie freak out, but I let them know my contractions haven’t started. And I nearly think that maybe it was somehow a false alarm.

Nearly a day later, I feel severe pressure on my pelvis. I groan in pain and clutch my stomach as I move positions, assuming it’s just a Braxton Hicks contraction. The pain doesn’t subside for a minute or so, and Kyra doesn’t take notice of my groans from the other room, on a call with Charlie who had forgotten the grocery list and now had to have Kyra recite it to her so she could rewrite it on her phone.

I don’t think much of the contraction until I feel another one 20 minutes later, and another 20 minutes after that. They progressively get closer together and I call out to Kyra to help me up from the bed before calling for an ambulance, and I frantically scroll my contacts for Charlie’s number. It takes 10 minutes for her keys to rattle against the door and she rushes in, followed closely by the paramedics.

~~~~~

I suffer through 13 hours of labour before I’m holding a small bundle in my arms, Charlie holding another, as Kyra takes photos to send Kat later.

“I can’t believe that fucking piece of shit left you, but at least he gave you two little cuties.” Charlie passes the baby off to Kyra and turns to me.

“I wouldn’t have been able to do any of this without you, Kat and Kyra.”

“I’m so proud of you.” I don’t stop to think before I lean over and gently place my lips on hers, her strawberry chapstick is all I can taste.

I see a flash go off in the corner of my eye and whip my head to look at Kyra, who giggles sheepishly before looking back down at the baby in her arms.

“I know this is probably rushed and wild, but do you want to move in with me? Officially? We can find a bigger place to house the girls. But I’ve been holding in my feelings for you for like 6 months now. I promise to take care and love you and the twins with my whole heart.” A tear falls down my cheek as I nod my head, and she kisses me again.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“Oh! Mini’s calling! She doesn’t know! What do I do? Do I answer?” Kyra interrupts us, frantically looking for whether she should answer or not.

“Facetime her.” Kyra hands the baby back to Charlie and quickly facetimes Katrina, who doesn’t take a moment to answer.

“None of you have answered any of my calls for the past 14 hours what the fuck is going on? Why does it look like you’re in a hospital” is the first thing she says as Kyra’s phone faces away from me.

“Well… we have a surprise.” The phone slowly pans over to Charlie and I and we both grin.

“WHAT THE FUCK? You had the baby?!”

“Babies” Charlie corrects her.

“Twins?!”

“Kat, I’d like you to meet Ashley Jade and Maysilee Hazel Gorry.” Everyone’s heads snap to look at me as I smile.

“What, what do you mean ‘Gorry’?”

“You literally changed my life, took me in when I had no one, introduced me to my best friend… and girlfriend,” I pause and give Charlie a look, she smiles in return.

“I also changed my name like a month ago, to Y/n Gorry. I hope you don’t mind.”

“Of course I don’t mind what the fuck!?” I glance back at Katrina; tears prick at her eyes and my own mirror her’s.

“I’m going to fucking fly over and meet those little cuties.”

“Well, I was thinking… if they’re healthy enough to travel, we’d fly over with Kyra and Charlie for your Cup of Nations matches in February? And I’d meet the team.” Another wave of shock ripples through out the room

“Fuck yes!”

We talk to Kat for a while after that. Harper tumbles into screen and coos at the babies but soon looses interest, and Clara comes in to congratulate me. We eventually have to say goodbye.

“Is it ok if I head back to the apartment? I think if I fall asleep on these chairs, I’ll never be able to play again.” Kyra dramatically complains, but I just smile and nod, sending her on her way.

“I know I already said it, but I am so proud of you and I love you so much. You could’ve given up on these babies, but you pushed through.”

“I couldn’t have done it without you Char, these little guys are going to adore their mumma so much.”

“Of course they will, you’re so amazing.”

“I mean you…”

“R-really?”

“I wouldn’t want anyone else by my side.” She kisses me passionately, well as passionately as you can kiss someone who’s lying in a hospital bed while you’re both holding a baby.

~~~~~

“Are you excited to see your aunties?” Ashley and Maysilee’s giggles fill the car ass Charlie tickles their feet.

“Yay yay yay!” they both chant as we help them out of the car and onto their feet.

They’re running down the corridor as soon as the elevator doors part open, giggling and screaming without knowing where they’re supposed to be going. They only stop when they run into two pairs of legs, and they sheepishly look up as they go to apologise, only to be picked up.

“Aunty MinMin! Aunty Anna!” Maysilee screams as Alanna gives her a sloppy kiss on the cheek, Ashley much quieter as she returns Kat’s hug.

“We’ll look after them while you settle in. I missed my favourite twins.” Kat says as she also gives Maysilee a gentle kiss on the forehead.

Charlie and I take each other’s hand as we walk to our room, kissing our daughters goodbye and thanking the pair of teammates. When we reach the room, I waste no time in fall on the bed, Charlie following swiftly behind. I lean into her as she wraps her arms around me before I kiss her.

We spend another hour or so cuddling and kissing, basking in the childless quiet. I admire Charlie like I do every moment we get together, her crystal blue eyes, the shape of her nose, her dull pink lips, the small scar above her right eyebrow. And I wonder the same thing I always do; how did I get so lucky.

“I can’t believe we brought our kids to the Olympics. Who does that? We should have left them with someone back in London.” I joke before kissing her.

“I’d take my babies anywhere; I hate being apart from you all.” Charlie pouts and kisses me again, and again.

~~~~~

Charlie brings Ashley, Maysilee and I to all the events and training sessions Tony allows her to, the girls always with one of their Mumma’s jerseys on or something that showcases a blatant support for the Matildas.

After a particularly difficult game, the team silently heads back to their rooms, Charlie curling up under the blanket as I get the twins ready for bed. When they notice she hasn’t come to kiss them goodnight, they clamber up onto the bed and start to tickle and poke her. She doesn’t respond and they seem to understand she’s upset.

“What’s wrong mumma?”

“Mumma’s just sad and hurt about today babies.” Charlie whispers through shaky breath.

I watch as they calm down and instead wrap their arms around her and kiss her gently, like she kisses them when they’re hurt. I slowly slide in behind Ashley, wrapping my arm around all 3 of them.

“We’ve got you baby.” I give them all a kiss and we fall asleep like that, the sun slowly allowing the blanket of stars to fill the sky.

[myimaginarywonderland]

I need some of you all to actually understand that as far as the timeline goes, Buck and Tommy have been seeing each other for months.

Why do I know this? Because in the award ceremony we are told the cruise ship disaster happened last march/nearly a year ago which means that Buck and Tommy have been seeing each other for a minimum of 3-4 months and most likely somewhere around half a year to 8 months. Now of course that doesn't necessarily mean they have truly been dating that entire time (labels could be put on it later) or that with their schedules there weren't maybe as much dates as other couples would have but what this implies at the award ceremony for one is that they are at a point where they should be out of any akward stage. Sure they will still trip up about things, might not know information (because sometimes you learn important things later in a relationship) but they are clearly comfortable enough around each other that boundaries have been discussed at least in some form.

Furthermore at the end of the season something close to another month or two has probably passed which means they are definitely at a point where a discussion about this would have come up.

So, if Buck felt uncomfortable going anywhere near that territory, he would have clearly said it or never even encouraged that discussion in that direction.

This is fully grown man that literally stole a firetruck to have sex in the first season. He knows what he likes and what he likes is Tommy. Buck has had sex. He is probably as far as we know one of if not the kinkiest characters and the most open about what kind of sex he likes. Tommy is literally a middle aged gay man. Both of them are plenty experienced and mature enough to stop a conversation should they not like the direction it is taking.

Stop acting like these aren't fully grown adults in a healthy and stable relationship.

[mysticofspades]

Top 10 Moments in the Life Series

Okay, so like, a month ago or something, Jimmy asked his viewers to compile together a list of their top ten moments from the life series, and I put together my potential list right then and there when the video came out. Then I forgot about it for the entirety of a month and now here we are. (ADHD sucks sometimes TT). Since he’s already put out his reaction vid, I didn’t feel like putting together an entire video but still wanted to ramble some so~

10. Desert Duo on a Camel Together in a Red Desert

Frankly, this made the list exclusively because of biases. The significance of these two men wandering around a RED DESERT – red as in; covered in blood – on the back of some rideable minecraft animal is probably lost on any new viewer. Not to mention the Cactus Monopoly scene, with Scar giving Grian the monopoly over it while saying; “I know how you love monopolies.” That entire interaction pretty much ruined me. I haven’t not thought about it in weeks. I need help.

9. The AH-HA Bit

I don’t know if I need to say anything more about this. If the previous was iconic for its dramatics, this is iconic for the opposite. It’s just a bunch of men having fun together, laughing and making stupid little puns about a made up British tradition. The fact that Impulse, a very american american, was somehow bound up in this group made it ten times funnier. No notes, this bit speaks for itself. Insert funny AH-HA pun here.

8. Etho’s Fishing Rod Kill on Scar

Already one of my favorite seasons for a variety of reasons, Last Life didn’t need this scene to make it my all time favorite season or anything. But damn, am I glad it happened. The precision and calculations on Etho’s part is just– damn! That entire situation, no matter how it played out, Etho would be on the winning side. Like, it was either Scar dies and Etho gets a boogie kill or just not. Even if Etho didn’t get his kill there, Bdubs woulda still gotten a life and Etho could still kill anyone else. Either way, Bdubs would’ve gotten his life and Etho would’ve gotten his buddy back. It’s all just beautifully and meticulously planned out that I can’t help but plop into this spot.

(Yes, I recognise that it might not have been planned to that extent on Etho’s part, or IRL Etho’s part, at least. I am choosing to believe that ch!Etho totally did weigh out all his options and came to the conclusion that this was the best course of action and was confident he could get the kill and even knew that Scar would have the Enchanter on him. He just comes off as that type of character to me, is all.)

7. Scott’s Sacrifice for Pearl in DL

You cannot tell me that this is not one of the most iconic moments of the life series, ever. Scott standing over that pile of TNT, lighter in hand while Pearl, bathed in red and a bloody ax clenched tightly in her fists, watches, wide-eyed and hysteric, trying to desperately ask what’s going on or to understand or to just do something, unable to in the end as Scott takes his own life crowning her victor over the bloodbath that she had never thought would end like this.

And that fucking line?! “Tilly death do us part?!” What the hell, Scott?!

In conclusion, your honor, Tilly is still alive somewhere in the DL world and someone should rescue her.

6. Grain’s Stalactite kill on BigB / Ren

Alright, this is pure luck and I am so fucking here for it. It’s simply beautiful. The unplanned accuracy of a man on a bloodlust ending up only getting a kill on his chosen soulmate is poetic as shit (shit that just so happens to be really poetic, that is).

It’s kinda like the reverse or inverse of the Etho fishing rod kill. Grian’s pure luck and also not is what makes this scene so fucking memorable.

Not to mention both Grian and Scar’s reactions. Grian was over the moon, screaming and celebrating and being ecstatic until he realizes just what he’s done. And his little “except when I got married,” is all pure chaos and we live for that here.

Then there’s Scar, ever the opportunist, immediately starts looting the corpses. Silently. He picks up anything he deems valuable (which could mean useless lint and string, but whatever) and tries to bealine it out of there the second he’s done. I love Scar, honestly.

5. Scar’s SL Win!

This specific season holds a special place in my heart for being the only season I watched and stayed tuned in for the entirety of its run. So when Scar, the one I’ve been rooting for since 3L, happens to win, you can imagine my excitement.

It was so out of left field, too. Like, in the final battle, I knew for a fact something was going to take out Scott and Pearl, them being winners already and this spoken rule of no double winners and all. But between Scar and Gem? I’m sorry, Scar, but I definitely didn’t see it coming. Gem was on a mad one, killing or getting someone else to kill more than half the server and already being stacked on kills. It just fits, ya know?

Like, Martyn, Grain and Pearl all were crazy about killing their entire season, even on green they were kinda unhinged, ya know? (couch couch Scarlet Pearl cough cough). And it's not like Scott didn’t have a body count.

To be fair though, it’s not like Scar didn’t get any kills either, it was just more…. Discrete? Unintentional. His kill on Bdubs and his accidental shot on Gem were both not of his own volition.

The idea that what it took for Scar to win was to completely give up on making friends is poetic as shit.

First season, he had an ally, a friend, a comrade, one whom he betrayed then gave his life for.

Next season, he tried and tried and tried again to make friends, almost as if chasing that same high he got with his first partner, but never managing to make any meaningful connections, and ended up shot in the back.

Then, he’s reunited with his partner of old and they get off to a good start, being the last greens and all. But as if with all things, it came down as Scar, accidentally, took their first two lives and his soulmate took the other.

Afterwards, he returns to his family, hoping to find peace and connections there. He finds it with his mother and brother and, sort of, with his estranged father. He leads a Scar-typical season of blowing things up (attempting to, at least), stabbing people in the back and swindling (only a little). It all comes to a head as his once-soulmate, once-partner-in-crime stabs him in the back, literally.

Finally, we have this season. Scar starts out looking for friends, he very much does. But the universe itself has other ideas. Bad task after bad task, Scar is left almost entirely isolated from the rest of the server. The backstabber of a soulmate offers him a home but he cannot take it (as per rules he made up about his task). Then, somehow, somewhere, he sees those words, “She’s dead, Scar, you won.”

It’s all just beautiful honestly.

4. “It was just a prank, Scar!”

The beginning of it all. This little prank led to so much that it deserves to be in the top5 of every list out there, in my opinion anyway. Like, Grian randomly happening across a creeper out in broad daylight then proceeding to choose to lead it all the way into a group of distracted people in the name of a prank which leads into a season-long, dramatic, all-defying alliance of which leads to a climactic battle surrounded by the disheveled and war torn lands they once ruled over together (we’ll get to this in a minute, don’t worry), chants of the ghosts of the lives they ended to get to where they are, screaming in their ears to fight and to kill and having to brutally take the last life of the person he’d once vowed his own to Al because of what? A prank?! Seriously?!– is that not the best shit you’ve heard all day? Or all week? Hell, maybe your entire fucking life???

I sure think so.

3. Liz’s Final Death in SL

I realize that this is my only Tim related moment on the list and it was Tim who had asked for the list in the first place, but whatever. There are plenty of cool ass (and miserably funny) Tim moments out there (ones I might plop into the honorary mentions bit) but this is honestly my favorite and the one I think makes the cut compared to the others on here.

Anyhow. Onto Liz taking Tim’s place as first out.

I watched Liz’s POV late, can’t remember if it was because she uploaded late or someone else uploaded and I forgot to get back to it afterward– I dunno. I saw hers late and thus already knew she was going to die first, so, unfortunately, I didn’t get to live it through her eyes first, quite sad I know. Point is, I fucking. Nearly. Cried.

Like, not only was Liz’s whole arc in the season quite sad already, with the whole, “I wish everyone were here,” and her attempt at cheering herself up ending up so horribly, I knew beforehand that something awful was going to have to happen to sum up all her season-long misery. Dying in the midst of an attack, her only proper attack really, with an ender-pearl sitting untouched in her hotbar, was not the way I thought that would happen.

And something I didn't expect even more?? Her dying first??? Yeah, no, it was definitely not on my SL Bingo Card, that’s for sure. It was just so out of nowhere and yet, it also wasn’t? How do I explain? Like, Liz’s whole season was going from one misfortune to another, bad decision to another and it just kept piling on, until, well– you know.

Tim’s seasons are usually like that, no? Bad decisions followed by the universe itself hating on him followed by pure bad luck. Pretty much any Timmy Life Series season honestly.

I don’t think I’m doing this scene– this event justice. Timmy went out first every season for 4 seasons in a row. then Lizzie waltzes on in for the second time, suffers a bunch in her episodes, tries to kill Scott (a well-known no-no if you want to live) and then dies. First.

Beautiful and iconic; that’s LDShadowLady for you.

(I realize I should probably talk about Tim some more, given that this is the only Jim-related moment on here, but eh. This segment is too long already. I’ll talk about some other Jim moments later.)

2. Scar’s Water Bucket Clutch

This moment proved to me that putting Grian and Scar together in a life series makes a seriously underrated but totally fairly rated duo. Like, in one season they managed to keep a whole ass, proper, monopoly going for at least, like, 2(?) whole sessions, Grain managed that stalactite kill I talked about already and then Scar does this shit??

I just– there’s a reason these guys got so fucking close to winning and never teamed up, volentairily, ever again. Had they teamed up again, and wanted to actively work together and actually win this shit, they totally could. There is a fucking reason both of them are individually winners now and I’m so shitting here for it.

Onto more specific things; Scar is a mad man and I love him for it. He saw Etho burning a couple of pandas (I apologize; a couple of jellies) and was just, “screw you Giran, those pandas need me,” and he went.

Grian’s reaction going from severely panicked to immeasurable pride is just beautiful (lots of things are beautiful, shut up).

When I tell you I replayed this shit non-stop until all the dopamine this scene could provide my ADHDed brain could be sucked up dry until it was drier than the driest of dry prunes you’ve ever seen on a hot ass summer afternoon, I mean it with every ounce of my being.

With that said; second place it shall be forevermore~

1. Cactus Ring

I mentioned this earlier and I don’t think anyone is necessarily surprised judging by all my other picks thus far, yeah?

Everyone’s heard of the beginning of the end. Well this feels a lot like the opposite of that. The end of the beginning, ya know? Third life’s the beginning, where everything began, where everything and everyone got established (well mostly everyone) and it’s where everything started. The cactus ring, to me, marks the end of the beginning. As if to say, “the beginning is over. We all know what we’re doing from now on, the trials are over and the bloodlusts and betrayals have already begun, let them continue (forevermore~).”

It’s a red mark (of blood) in the sand from where they began to where they’ll continue to go. It's the end of an era, the beginning of another, the continuation of a story left unfinished. It’s everything and nothing and I’m making no sense–

My point in all this is that this moment is iconic and deserves top 2, at minimum, on any and all lists of this kind. I accept none otherwise (not really :P).

…I feel like I spoilt myself a little my gushing about these guys earlier and now I don’t really have all that much to say–

Honorary Mentions!

1 - Tim’s final LimL death.

What the hell, dude? Talk all that crap to what? Trip off your own fucking Bad Boys Bread Brige™? Timmy, Timmy, Timmy.

Joel and Grain’s, and even Pearl’s, reactions were awesome btw!

2 - Grain and Scar’s Sing-Along!

It’s a desert duo moment, I don’t know what you want from me.

3 - Tim Killing Liz in SL

If I’m not mistaken, this is, like, Tim’s only kill that season and it being completely accidental and the fact that he feels horrible for it makes this moment comedy gold.

4 - Grain’s Triple Kill in 3L

This set the stage for many, many kills to come, and the excessive use of TNT minecarts can also be pinned back here, which is awesome of course.

5 - Etho’s Washed Up?!

This was originally on the list but because of (Scar-related) changes, it no longer is. It's awesome though so I put it down here. I fucking love this shit, dude. Cleo and Budubs’ back and forth and Etho just like, “I knew it guys, I really am washed up,” is just great.

6 - Mumbo’s Death in the Nether in SL

Mumbo is awesome and kinda not all there sometimes. This just so happens to be a moment of the latter, is all. Love him.

7 - Joel and Liz’s Romance in SL

I love these two interacting just casually. They’re super sweet and I just– I love seeing couples just doing normal things, like playing a game they both like together and just having fun, ya know? Whether that be with a little flirting or not, it’s fun to watch.

Alternatively; the Joel and Liz are trying to flirt in LL with Scar awkwardly there in the background.

[yurislotusgarden]

Relationship hc's

ʚїɞ Nakahara Chuuya x Gn!Reader

ʚїɞ Keep in mind English is not my first language, so you may find mistakes!

ʚїɞ Dazai's version

ʚїɞ word count: 1425

ʚїɞ Tw’s: None! Just pure fluff, pet names are used, reader’s gender is not specified in any way

ཐིཋྀ I love this man

ཐིཋྀ Anyway

ཐིཋྀ We all know he would be a gentleman to you <3

ཐིཋྀ Whether you live together or not, there's always a bouquet of your favorite flowers in a vase somewhere. Once they show even a small sign of dying he replaces them

ཐིཋྀ You still aren't sure how he knows about the flowers starting to wilt even when he's in another part of Japan or even another fucking country

ཐིཋྀ This man does both fancy and casual types of dates. Prefers fancy ones tho

ཐིཋྀ "Why have so much money and not use it to spoil the shit out of the love of my life?" <--- Chuuya wanting to spoil the fuck out of you all the time

ཐིཋྀ You probably live together after quite a short amount of time, like less than 8 months kind of short

ཐིཋྀ He's just so worried about your safety :(

ཐིཋྀ Both generally and because of his position as an executive

ཐིཋྀ You don't mind tho, don't lie to yourself

ཐིཋྀ Protective. Not overprotective but it's definitely up there on the scale. Kinda justified though

ཐིཋྀ Possessive mf

ཐིཋྀ Again, you don't mind as it's not to the point of being controlling and shit

ཐིཋྀ If you're in the PM, he still worries, just a little less since he knows you can take care of yourself

ཐིཋྀ If you're not an executive, you work under him for sure. Chuuya requested a change (if you weren't under him from the start) as soon as he realized this funny feeling he gets around you is love <3

ཐིཋྀ You know Dazai. No questions asked or doubt

ཐིཋྀ I saw around some time ago that someone wrote that Dazai breaks into wherever Chuuya lives. I’m sure it ain’t canon so just saying I very much hc him doing that

ཐིཋྀ You can see what I’m getting at, you probably met because of Dazai breaking into your guys' place😭

ཐིཋྀ Imagine you're cooking or something and hear someone in the house (Dazai doesn't try to hide he's there since he thinks Chuuya's home because of the light in the kitchen), thinking it's Chuuya you go to greet him before realizing  it's not him but someone else-

ཐིཋྀ "Who are you and why are you here?"

ཐིཋྀ "Those should be my questions asshole!"

ཐིཋྀ "The fuck you mean?"

ཐིཋྀ "I live here? You literally broke into my house!"

ཐིཋྀ "You live here? But it's the slugs house isn't it? Did I break into the wrong place???" He knows he didn't

ཐིཋྀ "Wait 'slugs'-"

ཐིཋྀ You totally didn't realize who Dazai is because of that nickname, nope. Chuuya didn't complain about a mackerel at all no-

ཐིཋྀ That was literally yall's first convo

ཐིཋྀ Dazai standing like he should be there, and you standing there with a gun pointed at him (that you have from Chuuya because he has weapons all over the house just in case anyway. That one was in the kitchen)

ཐིཋྀ You guys proceeded to talk like you guys knew each other for years until the ginger came home and flipped the fuck out at the sight

ཐིཋྀ He thought you would have a peaceful life by not knowing the stack of bandages

ཐིཋྀ And to the gingers' chagrin, you and the brunette ended up being good friends

ཐིཋྀAs to who knows about yall depends on who you are

ཐིཋྀ If you're in the PM, most if not all will know at some point

ཐིཋྀ Mori would probably not do anything about it as long as it doesn't affect your guys' performance on missions

ཐིཋྀ If you're a civilian, the people who know about you are the people he's the closest to and Mori somehow finds out

ཐིཋྀ Kouyou adores you if you share at least some interests and you don't mind being friends with mafiosos (basically not judging them just because of their work)

ཐིཋྀ You guys drink tea together. Even if you don't like tea, she managed to find one that you like

ཐིཋྀ Even if you don't share interests, she will have nothing against you as long as you ain't hurting Chuuya

ཐིཋྀ Akutagawa siblings know for sure, you basically adopted them LMAO

ཐིཋྀ You and Gin go shopping together, sometimes tugging Ryu around against his will with yall

ཐིཋྀ I mentioned Mori, he at first didn't care if the relationship didn't change anything and Chuuya was as efficient as normally

ཐིཋྀ But Elise met you in the city by accident and decided she likes you and deemed you her friend, so Moto “asked” you to play with her from time to time

ཐིཋྀ Goodluck if you're a low-energy person

ཐིཋྀ If you're in the PM and Elise wants to Play with you, you are for sure a little bit safer around Mori

ཐིཋྀ He doesn't want to deal with her whining and throwing a tantrum if he doesn't have to, so if you not being killed will make Elise happy, he won't do it

ཐིཋྀ Going back to the topic

ཐིཋྀ Rides on his motorcycle with you holding him tightly from behind right?

ཐིཋྀ Mf rides faster than necessary just because he likes it when you squeeze his waist because you think you will fall off

ཐིཋྀ He won't let you but oh well

ཐིཋྀ Similar to Dazai, man has got a grip of steel, so good luck getting up from his lap, cuddling, or in the morning if he won't want you to. We all know he ain’t weak, not in the slightest

ཐིཋྀ Would teach you self-defense if you don't already know it. He for sure doesn’t complain at having to do that, the view he gets is quite pretty y’know? You can say the same about your view :)

ཐིཋྀ This is purely a hc of mine but he would teach you French if you will ask him!!!

ཐིཋྀ Yes I'm one of those who hc that Chuuya either generally knows French due to Kouyou teaching him and Dazai, or he has some French genetics and wanted to just learn it either way taught by Kouyou LMAO

ཐིཋྀ Hope you aren’t weak to French because he can and will flirt with you in it <3

ཐིཋྀ If you are tho, knees? Weak. Nonexistent. Goodbye.

ཐིཋྀ Mister here will use it to his advantage. He knows what he’s doing and he ain’t stopping

ཐིཋྀ If you know a language he doesn't, he will gladly learn it just to speak in it with you. Especially if you're a foreigner, he certainly will learn your native tongue at one point. But, if you know a language he doesn't just because you wanted to know it, he learns it anyway

ཐིཋྀ Another way to shit-talk people without their knowledge <33

“I'm so lucky to be dating your pretty ass”

“I don't understand, doll. Say it in a language I can understand.”

“No, I don't think so, pretty boy”

“Are you cussing me out or something?”

ཐིཋྀ ^You talking to Chuuya in your language before he knew it to confuse him

ཐིཋྀ He was indeed confused

ཐིཋྀ Speaking of hc’s, heterochromia Chuuya <3

ཐིཋྀ You love his eyes, one blue and one brown. You fluster him because of just staring at his eyes and at him generally

ཐིཋྀ He lets you play with his hair, style, and all

ཐིཋྀ It's so soft you considered stealing his hair stuff when you first run your hands through it

ཐིཋྀ He wouldn't mind, wouldn't even try to stop you. Would probably encourage it actually

ཐིཋྀ It's playing into his possessiveness 

ཐིཋྀ This man has style, we know that. He also happens to have a big closet with his clothes :)

ཐིཋྀ Want a Chuuya-looking puddle on the floor? Wear. His. Clothes.

ཐིཋྀ The ginger will literally die if he comes home to you wearing his clothes. Anything. Wear anything and you will spot a wild Chuuya puddle in its natural habitat the floor

ཐིཋྀ AND IF YOU ASK HIM IF YOU CAN WEAR HIS STUFF WHILE EMBARRASSED???

ཐིཋྀ You make him want to sob :(

ཐིཋྀ Happily of course

ཐིཋྀ Use his shower stuff like shampoo and walk around in his clothes

ཐིཋྀ It does things to him

ཐིཋྀ Both fluffy and unholy thoughts are in this man's head if you’re just wearing his stuff

“Doll, you can’t do this to me.”

“Huh?”

ཐིཋྀ You’re either genuinely confused by his words or playing with him

ཐིཋྀ It ends the same anyways :) 

ཐིཋྀ “Take my card and go crazy, love.”

ཐིཋྀ ^Chuuya on any occasion

ཐིཋྀ If he could he would spend his money on you, he would but you always stop him

ཐིཋྀ Therefore that’s Chuuya on any occasion because he has an excuse for it

ཐིཋྀ Price tag? What’s that?

ཐིཋྀ It doesn’t exist in his eyes, you are worth every single penny in his wallet <3

ཐིཋྀ You guys have spa days at home

ཐིཋྀ Share skin care routines if you can

Notes, comments, reblogs and anything else is greatly appreciated

[theminecraftbee]

just revisited scs, and was wondering if pearl still joins hermitcraft in season 8 as she does? and if so, what are three's thoughts and feelings on this? if we go by hermitcraft rules, it'd have to had voted her in, and it does care about pearl in some capacity due to her link with martyn and jimmy so it'd want her somewhere safe, but is their relationship still rocky at that point? has it gotten better? and how does it evolve through their time on hermitcraft? is boatem still a thing, or do three and pearl give each other more space?

sorry if you've answered something like this before, but i'm curious

so here's how it goes in my head, although as always, anyone is free to have their own headcanons for it:

so by season eight, given the messy timeline i've created, three has had some time and distance. additionally, i like to think that it and everyone else DID keep up their promises to stay in contact. pearl and three's relationship will probably never be as close as pearl and grian's, but pearl is TRYING and three is willing to give her a shot when they're not standing right next to each other and she isn't in the middle of grief as much, so they form a tentative bond.

pearl doesn't join season eight because of three; three doesn't invite her. however, i'd like to think that pearl, maybe on the prodding of "her friends are actually talking to her again", has tentatively started doing her own builds again and showing them off and something like that dragon build of her blows up. so when names are being floated for season eight, and someone's already floated gem as a possibility, someone says pearl's name. and three doesn't know. three doesn't know if they'll be able to handle each other living on the same server. but it's now been at least a year and a half since scs and with scs's messy timeline probably longer, right. three is much more self-assured and has a better idea of who it is. and like, it thinks about it, but maybe pearl gives away she's still living on evo in a call, and three thinks about it, and...

the thing is: three had needed someone to say "you can come here when you run away" two years ago about the same thing. it can at least try.

this is to say: pearl joining hermitcraft is not three's idea or three's invitation. but three gives her its endorsement, and eventually its vote. pearl joins in season eight. three and pearl then proceed to try to completely avoid each other for like, at least a month. i don't want to take pearl and impulse bonding away from the world, so i think maybe pearl still bases near there, but the friendship groups in three's timeline are a little shifted ANYWAY, even if they're similar, so we can shift people around a little. maybe three drags mumbo off to go follow iskall and etho into the shattered savannah. god, can you imagine, actually, that would be hysterical.

but the thing is, even though the hermits spend a lot of time alone, they also spend a lot of time together, and like... three IS friends with impulse. and it is Conspicuous that they're avoiding each other, and they can't do it forever. it's pearl who screws her courage to the sticking place first and invites three to help her with an interior room of her build. three, not actually quite good enough at emotions to recognize "here come do an interior, thing i know grian hated but you like" as the very deliberate olive branch it is but good enough at emotions to know it probably shouldn't avoid, accepts.

and it goes... well. it surprises both of them how well it goes, actually. maybe it shouldn't; they've been in contact after all, and they've had time to soothe and process their relationship. they part back to their own bases again with the promise to do it again, and they do not avoid each other for the rest of the season. they don't seek each other out, often--they're not quite ready for that--but they don't avoid each other, either.

it's not perfect. pearl still sometimes looks at three like she's looking at a dead man. three still sometimes wants to scream when she does.

but there are many times, now, when they can forget how they met in the first place, and just chat about build pallets and pranks and shapes and llamas and everything else together.

that's close enough to healing.

[jhilsara]

I Can See You

Pt. 1/ Pt. 2/ Pt. 3/ Pt. 4/ Pt. 5/pt. 6/Pt. 7/Pt. 8/Pt. 9/ Pt. 10/

Pt. 11/ Pt.12/Pt.13/Pt. 14/Pt.15/Pt.16/Pt.17/END

It's over! I can't say thank you enough for joining me and my adventures with Hobie and Mariana. I hope you enjoyed them as much as I did. I really grew attached to MJ and Hobie as their story just blossomed before me. While this is the end of the main story, I'll probably have a couple of one shots here and there for them. I just love them so much. Anyway~ once again thank you so much for reading this silly little fic and if you made it this far, I truly appreciate you for reading :)

please leave a kudo on ao3 or a comment <3

~Several Months Later~

MJ is trying to push her way through a rampaging crowd. She’s fighting against the current, but she could care less. The adrenaline pumping through her as she tries to look above the sea of people.

The screaming in her ears is starting to get irritating though. She elbows past a much larger man and finally gets somewhere off to the side where she can get a good visual.

Through the settling dust she sees Spider-Man knocking around the Vulture in the air. She brings her camera up and tries to take a few quick shots before she starts filming. She was getting tired of trying to frame the best front-page photo’s for Spider-Man slander at the Daily Bugle… but none of her other coworkers were willing to get that close to any of the action. She did get hazard pay from it and she was going to milk the cow dry as long as they were paying her.

They didn’t need to know that she’s got a small advantage since her boyfriends the vigilante… at least she feels somewhat safe getting up close to his fights. Even if the so-called vigilante in question does scold her every single time.

She was starting to kind of like it, it was just proof that he cares, not that she’d ever tell Hobie that.

Once she get’s a good enough photo, well, better than what her other coworkers have made in the past. She brings out her phone to film.

This wasn’t for the Daily Bugle, it was for her own personal blogging website. If she was forced by the corporate overloads to make money by slandering her boyfriends name, she could at least run a little side gig that tells the truth.

If she got more website hits on her blog than then Daily Bugle’s she didn’t brag, but god did it boost her ego. Especially since Mr. Jameson was too dull to figure out she was running the blog on the side anyway.

He wasn’t the brightest crayon in the box.

She’s scanning her phone to zoom in on Spider-Man and the cocky bastard has the gal to look over to her and shoot a peace sign at the camera. She rolls her eyes.

“As you can see our vigilante isn’t taking this fight very seriously since he’s flirting with the camera… It’ll make a nice fan cam later though.” She says sarcastically as she follows the fight.

Hobie’s high above, fighting the Vulture in the air. That was the nice thing about the Vulture, nothing was close to her on the ground.

Not like the Lizard a few weeks ago who literally flooded the whole street. Her shoes were permanently damaged. Not to mention her sliding down the road like a poor excuse of a slip and slide. She did get some stellar photos and videos from that. Even if she almost fell down into the sewer.

Hobie had finally conceded to the fact she was going to be near his fights. By her volition or by her new job. He couldn’t escape it. So, he did the next best thing, he started to make her gear that she could at least use to help herself.

The first being a web shooter. It wasn’t set up exactly like his. It was discrete enough to look like a watch. It was mostly to stop her from falling, which is how she saved herself from falling into the sewer.

The month it took for her to figure it out and feel comfortable enough to use it was not fun. Hobie was trying to teach her how to swing her weight, but he was a stick in comparison to her. She’s seen what his webs can do, she knows they can hold her easily. It was trusting herself to not screw up the momentum that was scary. That and the fact she didn’t like swinging to begin with. Even if it was Hobie’s favorite, it certainly wasn’t hers. The actions gave her whiplash and made her nauseous.

She only used the web shooter when she absolutely had to. She was more than happy that today Hobie was flying through the sky. She could safely keep her feet on the ground.

The Vulture shots his metal feathers as an attack toward the swinging vigilante. Hobie swings too close toward her and it has MJ running from the projectiles hitting the ground.

She keeps her camera steady as she readjusts to follow the fight again, “The Vulture should really start learning how to aim if he’s going to resort to his feathers.” She comments as she keeps filming. “I mean, how often have they really hit Spider-Man?”

There’s no one really around her but a few reporters on the sides of the streets. Most of them keeping their distance far away. MJ was the only one willing to get this close to the action. Which is why her online blog was skyrocketing in popularity. She didn’t even think about making one until one day Mr. Jameson pissed her off. He was ranting and raving about how the Daily Bugle was the only news source worth listening too because of how good their images were of Spider-Man.

Or as he said, “That no good Spiderpunk running around and destroying our city!”

If she had to bullshit some article calling Hobie Spiderpunk one more time she was going to vomit in Mr. Jameson’s waste basket. It was such a playground taunt. He couldn’t even be more creative!

It also made her eye twitch that her boss was using her perfectly good photos to slander her boyfriend. Hobie didn’t care. In fact, he never looked at a single news source, the most he did was hijack the police scanners to aid him. Didn’t stop the fire burning under her though. If MJ was anything, she was loyal to a fault. So, what if it meant she got a little petty? It was all in good faith. She made her blog that night, as a counter protest to her boss. She never expected her ramblings and bad videos to explode overnight.

It was an added bonus that her boss had also caught wind of her blog and couldn’t do anything about it. He had demanded MJ pay closer attention when she was out, to try and figure out who ran the blog. The man clearly couldn’t put it together that it was her. Who else would get that close to Spider-Man’s fights? She didn’t even disguise her voice, but she made sure to never show her face.

Hobie just found it amusing if anything else. She had a decent following online and made sure her content was always free. If she was going to report on what was happening she wasn’t going to profit off of it. Unlike the Daily Bugle who hid their slanderous newspaper articles behind a paywall. She loved what she did, uncovering stories and being near the action. It gave her a rush like no other. Even if Hobie would wish she wouldn’t get so close.  

This was one of those moments she wished she wasn’t so close.

“Shit, shit, shit!” She’s running from falling building debris. The vulture had taken a large chunk off the old brick building to her left. She could hear the car alarms going off as the falling pieces were crushing the cars underneath. 

She feels arms wrap around her tightly and she stops struggling almost immediately. Looking up to see Hobie’s mask staring down at her. A heavy sigh leaving his mouth.

“You were doing so good this time. Outta way and everythin’.” He teases half-heartedly.

She rolls her eyes before shrugging, “To be fair, I didn’t expect the bird to throw such a hissy fit he’d take out the corner of the building.” She replies.

Hobie sighs and nods. He sets her down a good distance away. “He’s really bloody upset over somethin’… I couldn’t tell ya for the life of me. I tuned him out ages ago.” He turns to dash off and take care of the giant bird man.

“I’m wastin’ my breath, but don’t follow alright.” He tries to tell her. She just hums in acknowledgement and she rushing off right behind him.

She was almost like a shadow with her new job at the Daily Bugle. Always behind him. It still frightened him. Had the rage simmering underneath his the second she was too close to danger. That dread would probably never fully go away. It was just a matter of trusting each other. He’d come running to her if she needed him, and vice versa. The least her could do was arm her so she could defend herself. Not that she needed too much defending. She did explode the Goblin with their own bombs. He knew the dangers that came with being Spider-Man and she had taken them with so much grace and shouldered them with him. It was more than he could ask of anyone.

Yet there she was, next to him, like she was always meant to be.

She grabs a few more photos and is able to catch the end of the fight. Hobie having the Vulture wrapped up in his webs.

“Once again, our friendly neighborhood Spider-Man can be found protecting us! He’s a little cross with me right now so I won’t bug him. I am expecting some fan cams from this footage so don’t let me down!” She signs off her video and shuffles her belongings into her bag.

Hobie turns to see her and she waves in small acknowledgement before jogging off back to her office. He shakes his head but goes to handle the Vulture, knowing he’ll see her later anyway.

Mariana’s curled up on the couch, nursing a half cold tea, when the door gently opens and she hears him kicking off his combat boots.

“Long day?” she calls out to him sitting up to look over at him.

He gives a dry chuckle before walking over to kiss her forehead. “It was more than just the birdman today,” he sighs.

She frowns looking up at him, “Go take a hot shower, I’ll make you something.” She whispers holding his face.

He nods his head and presses another soft kiss to her cheek before walking to the bathroom.

She shakes her head and gets up with a full body stretch. She goes to grab the leftovers from the dinner she cooked earlier. She goes to warm it back up for him, it wasn’t too cold but definitely not as hot as when she originally cooked earlier. It won’t take very long so she starts on a drink too. She goes over to the kettle and starts making him a cup of tea, while also making herself a second cup. Pouring her lukewarm tea down the sink. She leans against the counter and waits for it to heat up.

She doesn’t hear Hobbie come behind her as he wraps his arms around her waist. Pressing his half naked body against hers. She leans her head back to look up at him.

“Ya know, this would be lovelier if you weren’t still slightly wet.” She teases him.

He groans and shoves his face into the crook of her neck. “Don’t care.” He murmurs placing a soft kiss to her shoulder.

She smiles softly and moves her hand to pat his cheek. She doesn’t stop her task of making them tea but it becomes a slightly more difficult task with one hand.

Hobie slowly starts swaying their bodies to an unheard tune in his head. She easily moves with him as she makes their mugs. The silence isn’t stifling, it’s more relaxing than anything. His weight on her is comforting and he places more soft kisses against her skin, moving from her shoulder up her neck, to her cheek, and finally to the corner of her lips.

She turns her head to follow him, chasing his lips with hers. She hums contently against him.

“I have to pour our tea Hobbie.” She whispers against his lips.

He presses another kiss, this one deeper and longer. “Can wait,” He grips her hips to make her turn fully to him. He presses his forehead against hers, closing his eyes.

Her hands snake up his arms and down his bare chest, touch feather light. He makes a deep groan in his throat. It has her chuckling softly.

One of his hands goes to grab both her hands, capturing them easily. His other hand moves from her waist to grip the counter behind her. His mouth moving down to her ear, “Watch it…” he whispers, “Don’t start something you can’t finish.” He presses a kiss under her ear.

She starts to squirm a bit, “Oh piss off!” She giggles her face heating up, “I’m not the one who walked in here half naked.”

He leans back and sighs dramatically. “I haven’t done the laundry in a minute luv.”

She rolls her eyes, “What you need is to just move in already.” She tries to say nonchalantly avoiding looking up at him.

He hums in thought, “Is that you officially asking me or joking?” He teases trying to make her look at him.

Her face grows redder, as she tries to wiggle away from him. He other hand releases hers and he blocks her in against the counter.  Leaning dangerously closer to her.

“I… I want you to move in, I mean you come here every night anyway, I just think it would be easier if-” she’s starting to ramble running over her words.

Hobie cuts her off with his mouth, kissing her once more. Pulling back to smile lazily at her furiously blushing face.

“I’m just teasin’. Course I’ll move in.” he tells him softly.

“Okay, perfect, cool…” she says quietly, eyes avoiding his.

“I’m keepin’ the house boat though. Don’t want to leave all my spider stuff here.” He says seriously.

She laughs with her chest, moving to wrap her arms around his neck. “I’m okay with that.”

He moves to grab her thighs, lifting her to wrap her legs around his waist. She makes a small noise before holding onto him tighter.

“Hobie! What about the tea, and your food!” She tries to scold him, but her laughter gives her away.

“It can wait, just want you right now.” He says walking them to her bedroom.

She leans forward, her small laughter being swallowed by his lips. They fall onto her bed together and her hands move to hold his jaw, deepening the kiss.

If someone told Mariana a year ago she’d be in a relationship with her cities vigilante she’d call them crazy. She’d also find it impossible that her path would have crossed with his to begin with.

She wouldn’t believe anything that’s happened to her this past year of knowing Hobie. She’s felt herself change for the better, becoming braver than ever. He’s everything she could ask for. Parts of her have healed in ways she never thought they could. The scares are still there, but they can fade with time. She doesn’t feel like a dog who’s been kicked one too many times anymore. She’s found her home in his heart. She knows he’ll protect it, like she protects his. It’s precious that she’s found this love and all she wants to do is nurture and grow it.

She loves him and she thinks she could forever.

Tag List: @missshelleyduvall

[emilyssky]

War Of Hearts // JJ Maybank

PAIRING: JJ Maybank! x fem!reader

WORD COUNT: 13.7k

GENRE(S): smut, angst, fluff, fuck buddies to lovers

WARNINGS: smut [ praise, degradation, fingering, dirty talk, oral sex, choking, slapping, spanking] , mentions of violence, mentions of blood, swearing, mentions of alcohol, smoking. Jealous and protective JJ !

Author's note:Wrote this last night after finishing season 3, hope you’ll like it :)

SUMMARY: 

You and JJ have been messing around for a few months now until you try to cut it off because of your growing feelings for him that you think are one sided. A series of unfortunate events bring you face to face with unexpected fear and your relationship with JJ when you get caught up in their treasure hunt. 

I've always loved summer. Something about the warm weather, the sun, the ocean, and the salt on my skin made me feel alive. For the most part, I loved my life in ΟΒΧ. Some would say that I was born blessed, that I got both sides of the coin with my mom being a pogue and my dad being a kook but it feels mostly like a curse to me. My whole life I've never been fully accepted by either side. I wasn't t rich and snobby enough for the Kooks and never wild and spontaneous enough for the Pogues. It's not like I was on bad terms with anyone, everyone was friendly enough but ever since I could remember I felt left out, never having real friends. And if I'm being honest, it wasn't the kooks that I was jealous of, something about the pogue life pull me in. It seemed exciting and freeing in a way. When my mom married my dad and had me she knew that she wanted me to grow up knowing both sides. She wanted to offer me the chance to be the one to choose where I belong. She's big on following your heart and dreams and always told me growing up that I'll find my way and that if I follow my gut, the choice is gonna be pretty easy. We lived in Figure 8 but my mom opened a cafe on the south side, wanting to keep in touch with that side of her life. My life is a series of the same things over and over again. I like spending time alone, if I'm not at school or working my shift at the cafe, I'll probably be by the beach, reading or surfing. Sometimes I will go on boat rides with my dad or steal the keys and go by myself. It's not often that I will hang out with the Kooks, in fact, Sarah Cameron is probably the only person that I would voluntarily hang out with and actually enjoy it. And when it comes to the Pogues, everyone knows that it's just Kie and her boys. I'm friendly with all of them, occasionally have chat with or enjoy the waves together but that's about it.

Today is a day exactly like any other; I finished school and came straight to the cafe. It was not too crowded, with only a few regular customers enjoying their usual cup of coffee. I was behind the counter, cleaning the coffee machines, making sure everything was full and ready until I heard them. It's the group of kids that you hear before you see. John B enters first, pushing his long brown hair back as he laughs at something Pope is saying. I like John B, we share a lot in common and have nice conversations from time to time. He's a really fun and social person but this year was a rough one for him. His dad went missing almost a year ago, many people consider him dead by now but John B will not accept it, he still thinks he's alive, somewhere lost at sea. My mom and his dad were close back in the day before she met my dad and moved to figure 8. We used to play together when we were young up until he met his current best friends. My dad offered him a few jobs involving our boat and at the cafe, after Big John disappeared so I've been seeing him around more lately. Pope and Kiara follow right behind him. Me and Kie used to be close, but now our relationship has changed into a few talks here and there, I still consider her one of my closest friends though. Pope is fun. He's one of the few people that talks to me normally and always makes me feel comfortable at social events or parties. And lastly, my favourite pogue follows. JJ Maybank. Me and JJ have an interesting relationship. Teasing, flirting, bickering, that's his speciality with every girl in the Outer Banks, kook or pogue but sometimes I like to think that he actually enjoys my company. He was always the one I was looking forward to see but today he's the one I'm trying to avoid and have been trying for the past 2 weeks. His blue eyes find mine the minute he walks through the door, and a smirk spreads across his face.

"Hey, Y/n" John B greets me, reaching the counter.

"I'm not serving you free coffee." I immediately shake my head, knowing exactly what they want.

"Oh, come on." He frowns his thick brows, fake pouting.

I let a small chuckle at his attempt. "How many times do you think it will take for my mum to notice?"

"One more?" He offers, lifting his shoulders.

I scoff, shaking my head again.

"Come on, your mum loves me anyway." He presses.

"Yeah, but my dad not so much."

JJ places his elbows on the counter, right next to John B, and I immediately look down, continuing cleaning the coffee machine like I was doing before they came in.

"What if I'm the one asking?" He says, leaning in with that playful smile of his that I know all too well.

"Then it's defiantly a no." I fake a tight smile.

"Why so grumpy today princess?" He places a hand over his heart.

I roll my eyes and turn back to John B. He brings his palms together, begging me silently.

I sigh. "This is the last time." I point my finger at both of them.

"Yes!" They high-five each other.

"I'll bring it over." I wave them off.

I lift my eyes to his only for a second, catching the wink he sends my way as he follows John B to their usual table where Kie and Pope are seated.

I quickly fix up 4 iced coffees and walk over to them.

"Here you go."

"You're the best." John B touches my side lightly.

"You're coming next Saturday right?" Kie asks reaching for her coffee.

"What's next Saturday?" I question placing the last coffee on the table.

"We're throwing a party on the beach. It's gonna be fun." Pope explains.

"You're coming." JJ states without looking my way.

"I'll see." I nod at Kie with a small smile before leaving them to it. I walk back to the safety of my counter feeling his eyes burning on my back. The parties here at obx were always good. It's the one time that Kooks and Pogues can coexist in one place without jumping on each other's throats. Well, sometimes at least. It's fun nevertheless, all of us drinking and dancing by the beach forgetting our responsibilities and problems for a little while. I stay behind the counter, doing any task possible to distract myself but anytime I let my gaze fall his way, he's already looking.

"Thanks for the coffee Y/n." John B waves at me as they leave about an hour later.

"See you at the party cupcake." He brings two fingers to his forehead.

"Maybe." I shrug, walking to their table to clean up.

"You know I'll be miserable without you." He yells already out the door.

.  .  .  .

I don't usually work on Fridays, so after school, you'll probably find me at the beach if I'm not locked in my room. I enjoy my alone time. Riding the waves, sitting under the sun with a good book, or drawing in my sketchbook. Today my mind felt a little heavier, so I took my time, and before I knew it the sun began setting. I quickly throw my bag over my shoulder and begin to make my way back, realising that it's almost dinner time. I silently curse at myself for not riding my bike to the beach cause the walk back to Figure 8 seems dreadful. My ears perk up catching the sound of a motorcycle approaching with speed and I close my eyes hoping that it's not him but when I hear the motorcycle slowing down I know that my hope is not coming true. He stops beside me and I stop walking, turning to look at him. His hair is pushed back by the wind, he's wearing a simple white t-shirt with grey cargo pants, and his face is as pretty as always. My eyes narrow a little as I spot a bruise over his right cheekbone and it doesn't take long before I spot all the different marks and scars across his face.

He still forces a smug smile on his lips, ignoring my staring. "Having an afternoon surfing session princess?"

"What happened?" My eyes can't stop studying his face.

"Oh, you know the Kooks had it coming." He shrugs, masking his face perfectly like he always does but I know better.

"JJ." I trail off, my stomach tightening knowing exactly where he got these injuries from.

His jaw tightens. "It's nothing' Y/n. Same old, same old." I shake my head, in disgust. I can't even stand the thought that his dad walks around the OBX freely. He's such a piece of shit. "Get on the bike." He nods behind him.

"It's fine, I'll walk." I tilt my chin.

He scoffs with a smirk. "When will you stop with this whole act you’re putting on?" He waves his hand around.

I change the weight from my right to my left leg, crossing my arms. "I don't know what you're talking about." I keep my face expressionless, ignoring the way his beaten face cause my heart to tighten.

His eyebrows come together and his gaze shifts, dropping the playful act. "You're ignoring me." He states.

I'm trying.

I avoided his eyes cause I know that the more I look at them the weaker I get. It happens every time, I say that I'm gonna stand my ground and then I find myself beside him regardless.

"Look," He clears his throat, eyes moving everywhere. A weird expression takes over his features and I immediately know that he feels uncomfortable. "I don't care why you're pushing me away but can you stop ignoring me for a few hours?" He struggles to speak the words and that makes me a little warm inside. I glance at his bruised face once more, remembering all the times he came to me after his fights with his father. All the long talks we would have in order to get his mind off of it or the times I would sneak him through my window to treat his injuries.

I sigh and silently climb behind him, wrapping my arms around his waist. I feel him chuckle. "Just so you know, we're just talking."

"Sure." I can't see his face but I bet he's grinning.

He took his time, driving aimlessly around the streets of OBX. I don't mind though, I know him enough to know that it helps him clear his head, so I stay silent resting my head against his back and enjoying the ride. The sun has set and the night breeze tingles my skin in the best way. I notice that he takes the familiar route to my house.

"Are your parents home?" He yells, looking behind his shoulder.

"Yeah, I think."

"We'll have to be quiet then." He clicks his tongue.

"Like that has stopped you before." I smile against his shoulder.

"True." He glances at me again, the corners of his mouth lifting.

He parks his bike a block down from my house and he walks quietly around the back while I go from the front door.

"Hey, honey." My mom yells from the kitchen at the sound of the door opening.

"Hey, mom." I enter the kitchen, sneaking my arms around her waist while she chops some cucumbers, preparing a salad for dinner.

"Dinner will be ready soon." She smiles.

"Oh, I'm not hungry, I already ate." I brush her off, walking to the fridge.

"It smells amazing dear." My dad enters the kitchen, dropping his keys on the kitchen table.

My mom flashes a smile at my dad before turning back to me. "When did you eat?"

"I hung out with Kie by the beach and we had some sandwiches."  I quickly make up an excuse, grabbing a water bottle and closing the fridge.

"Just Kiara?" My dad lifts an eyebrow.

"Yes dad," I sigh.

"Honey." My mom scolds him.

"What?" He lifts his shoulders. "I'm sorry that I don't want my daughter hanging around boys that smoke weed, get drunk, and steal shit on the daily."

"Mark." She glares at him.

"They're not stealing anything, dad." I narrow my eyes, sick of him attacking them all the time. "They're not like that, you don't know them."

"Well, some of them are." He continues and I know exactly who he's referring to.

"You're wrong" I shake my head, lifting my hands. " and you're not gonna tell me who I can and can't hang out with." I walk past him shooting him a glare and head up the stairs.

"Y/n." I hear my mom yell but I ignore her and hurry into my room, slamming the door shut and locking it.

JJ's shoulder is rest against the open window, arms crossed in front of him with an unreadable expression. I drop my gaze to the floor, walking to sit on my bed and placing the bottle on my nightstand, feeling a little ashamed for the way my dad spoke about him and his friends.

"I'm sorry for my dad." I feel the need to say.

He moves to sit next to me, forcing a tight smile on his lips. "It's fine, we all know his opinion about the south side."

I move my head, trying to get a better look at him. "Hey, are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah princess you don't have to worry about me." The nickname tugs at my heart almost as much as his smile.

I reach to touch his hair, pushing them back and toying with the short hair at the nape of his neck. "You know you can talk to me."

His eyes twitch with suppressed emotion, his jaw set with eyebrows frowned. "I know."  I offer him a small smile, not moving my hand. "Can you, like, talk to me?" He asks. His eyes are screaming even though he manages to keep his expression under control. "I want you to take my mind off things, just talk to me about anything." His tone is almost begging.

I bring my knees to my chest, wrap my arms around them and turn to face him. 'What do you wanna know about this time? My weird obsession with serial killer documentaries, my views on feminism, or if I put the milk or cereal first?"

His face breaks into the first real smile today and I feel a little proud. He shakes his head lightly, his eyes not leaving mine before he pulls me by the neck, smashing his lips to mine. It's like all the pain he carries and all the words he desperately wants to say are spoken by the way he moves his lips hungrily against mine. The softness of his mouth contrasts his rough breathing as his hands hold my face, pulling me closer to him. His small groan that echoes through the room and the feeling of his tongue brushing over mine snaps me back to reality.

"Jay," I whimper, pushing at his chest lightly.

His lips leave mine but our foreheads stay together. "I'm sorry." He mumbles, inhaling short, sharp breaths.

My fingers trace his bruises and my stomach twists even at the thought of how his dad created them. I hate how he grew up having to hide all this pain and I hate how he's being treated. "I don't want you to go back to him tonight." I whisper and his eyes snap to mine. "Stay with me."

His face finally breaks, and the emotion in his eyes overtakes his whole expression.

"But we're just sleeping," I lean back, pointing my finger at him. "and you'll have to leave before my parents wake up."

His eyes water a bit but a grin paints his lips as he wraps his arms around me, pushing me back to the bed.

A giggle escapes me. Damn him.

. . . . . . . .

"I'm going with Topper." Sarah touches up her already perfect makeup.

"Ugh." I groan. "What do you even see in him?" I scrunch up my nose. Sarah is the only kook that I can stand to hang out with. And the only Cameron I actually like.

"He's nice." She rolls her eyes at me, holding up two dresses, one yellow and one blue. "Stop being a bitch to him. Which one?"

I tilt my head." The yellow one obviously."

"What are you wearing?" She questions while peeling off her clothes and changing into the short yellow dress.

"I don't know if I want to go." I lay back down on her king-size bed.

"Come on, you love parties. Is it that you don't wanna go or that you don't wanna see a certain someone?" She wiggles her brows at me.

"I'm just not in the mood." I shrug, looking away but she sees right through me.

"Yeah right." She chuckles. "Cut the shit and get dressed." She throws a black shirt on me.

. . . . . 

The beach is full of people, kooks, and pogues dancing, drinking, and having fun. Big barrels of beer everywhere, stands with bottles of alcohol and hundreds of red cups here and there. It's not even midnight and everyone is already wasted. Most of the girls are in their bikinis by now, dancing like there's no tomorrow on top of giant rocks. The minute we enter the party, I go straight for the beer, pouring myself a cup. My eyes silently search the crowd for any sight of his fluffy, blonde hair, or of any of his friends. I spot Kie and Pope taking shots with a few other people and John B just a few meters again, flirting with a blonde girl but he's nowhere to be found.

"Looking for someone?" Rafe says close to my ear, catching me off guard and making me flinch away. He smiles at my reaction.

"What are you doing here?" He's one of the people that rarely joins things like this. He and his friends really don't get along with the pogues, unlike me and Sarah. I try my best to limit my contact with Rafe, Topper, and the rest of their little group but somehow they find a way to be right in my face.

"Enjoying the free alcohol." He lifts the cup to his lips, hiding his smile. "What are you doing here?"

I take a sip of my beer. "I came with Sarah."

He nods, eyeing me up and down. "You look gorgeous as always."

I roll my eyes at his compliment. "Thanks."

"You know," He leans in closer. "you're always cold towards us but when it comes to these pogues you're a fucking angel. Why is that?"

I sigh out loud, not really in the mood to deal with his whining. "Cause I can. " I offer him a smile before walking away, blending in with the dancing crowd.

It didn't take more than 4 cups of alcohol, to find myself dancing between a few half-naked girls, that are probably as drunk as I am. My body has a mind of its own as I swing my hips to the beat of some '00 song. I lost sight of Sarah half an hour ago when she disappeared with Topper, and I joined Kie and Pope and took a few shots before throwing myself between the sweaty bodies, pretending that the fact that JJ is still nowhere to be found does not affect me at all. He's a known player around the Obx, sleeping around, flirting his way through, breaking hearts left and right and I've had my fair share of it. But the game he's playing is a dangerous one, and I'm trying to protect myself the best way I can.

"Shots!." John B yells, throwing his hands in the air, holding a bottle of tequila in his right one. A few girls extend their cups for him to pour them some but I've probably dropped mine while dancing cause it's not between my fingers anymore.

I tap on his shoulder to get his attention. "Hit me!" I yell over the music and open my mouth wide.

"Let's go!" He yells pouring a shot straight into my mouth. The alcohol drips down my chin as I try to swallow, my eyes watering at the process.

"Another one." John B says and taps my chin waiting for me to open my mouth again and I do. All eyes are suddenly on us, everyone is cheering and yelling as I shallow my fourth shot in a row and I feel two hands grabbing me by the legs and lifting me higher. I throw my hands in the air, laughing as the people around me scream louder. My mind is somewhere else, and I let the carefree feeling and numbness that comes with alcohol overtake me. Until I open my eyes. I sober up in a second when my eyes find his. His on top of a rock, smoking with a few other people. A girl leans in towards him, her hand wrapping around him as she laughs at something Pope said but he stays unbothered, his eyes still on me as he lifts his cup my way with a nod and a smile. I nod back not knowing what to do before turning back to the girls I was dancing with. I continue moving to the music but my mind isn't letting me shake him off. Suddenly, the alcohol feels heavy in my stomach and the sound of my heartbeat is louder than the music in my ears. My hand flies to my mouth as I run out of the dancing crowd and as far away as I can from the people before dropping to my knees and vomiting in a bag full of used cups. I feel two hands reaching for my hair as all the alcohol that I consumed leaves my system.

"It's okay, I got you." I hear Rafe's voice over the music that has faded a bit due to the distance. "Here" He hands me a napkin.

"Thank you." I cough out, taking the napkin, and bringing it to my lips.

"Hold on, let me bring you some water."

I wipe my mouth and drop the napkin inside the trash bag.

"Here." He pushes a cup of water into my hand, tugging my hair behind my ear as I take a few sips of the water slowly. "Stop drinking so much Y/n, Jesus."

"I'm okay." I rise to my feet.

"Come on," His hand wraps around my waist. "let's take you home yeah?" He starts pulling me towards the other side of the beach.

"I don't think she's going anywhere with you Cameron." My head snaps to the right, hearing Rafe scoff at the sight of JJ. JJ's eyes twitch when they fall on me, his eyebrows coming together.

"I don't think you have a saying in what she does pogue." Rafe's hands drop from my body as he takes a step forward.

JJ's expression shifts in a second when he moves his eyes from me to Rafe, a smile spreading over his lips. "Oh I think I do," He takes a step forward as well. "And she's not going anywhere with you." His voice drops a little.

"I suggest you take a step back." Rafe doesn't back down.

JJ's eyes darken. "Or what?" He takes yet another step. "Last time I checked you're still nipping at her heels and following her around in case she pities you and gives you a chance."

Rafe lets out a growl, pushing JJ backwards but he just laughs mockingly, knowing he hit a nerve but that angers Rafe more.

I step between them before Rafe can make another move. "Stop acting like five-year-olds." I look at both of them, but they ignore me, not taking their eyes off each other.

"Hey," My hand touches Rafe's chest, forcing his eyes away from JJ. "go back to the party, I'll let you know when I'm ready to leave." I lie, knowing that it's the only way to make him walk away without creating a scene cause trying to make JJ drop this would be even harder. Rafe's eyes narrow, flickering back to JJ. I reach for his hand, softening my tone. "I'll find you." I nod, trying to reassure him.

He nods back, letting out a sigh. "Turn him down kindly babe." He says, knocking JJ's shoulder with his as he walks out.

JJ's eyes are fixated on me. "You'll let him know when you're ready to leave huh?" He says when Rafe's far enough.

"Maybe." I play along, shrugging my shoulders.

His tongue comes out to wet his pink lips, hands resting on his hips as he takes a step towards me. "Is that so?"

"Last time I checked I can go home with anyone I want." I cross my arms, trying not to let my gaze drop to his lips.

"We both know that I would never let that happen." His voice drops, his tone raspier.

"Why JJ?" I tilt my head upwards due to our height difference but that doesn't stop me from taking a step forward as well, only leaving a few inches between us.

His fingers wrap around my neck, catching me off guard. "Come on now princess, let's not play dumb." He smirks.

"I'm not playing dumb. Actually, I'm done playing." I wrap my hand around his wrist, pulling it away from my neck.

Something flashes over his eyes but doesn't stay for long. "Trust me, I'm done playing as well." He mumbles before cupping my jaw with both hands, not letting me escape and in a split second his lips crush into mine. My breath hitches as the taste of weed and beer coats my tongue but I'd be lying if I say that I haven't missed it. It's been a week since the last time I kissed him and since then I've tried to keep myself at a distance, knowing that the more I let this go on the more invested I become, and knowing JJ, it will not end up well If I do. He lets out a low moan as his tongue enters my mouth, colliding passionately with mine. My fingers grab his shirt for support, my body suddenly overwhelmed by the familiar knot in my stomach that begins to build.

"Fuck, I missed you baby." He breaks the kiss, allowing me to take a much-needed breath. I dare to lift my eyes, looking up at him through my eyelashes, only to find him looking hungrily down at me. His hands travel from my jaw, down to the curve of my waist and he pulls my body to his. "You kept me waiting for so long." He breathes out, resting his forehead on mine.

"JJ" My tone begging and warning at the same time. "We shouldn't be doing this."

"You can not name a single good reason for us not to." He says, running his thumb over my bottom lip.

"I can name a few."

His hands drop to my ass and in a swift move, he lifts me off the ground forcing my legs to wrap around his waist. "I'd rather hear other sound out of that pretty mouth of yours." He starts walking away from the party, keeping his hands secure under my thighs and crashing his lips to mine once again. He makes sure we're far enough from the crowd and behind plenty of trees and bushes before stopping and dropping me carefully on the sand. He breaks the kiss, straightening his body and reaching to peel off his white long-sleeve shirt.

"You look fucking amazing tonight." He doesn't break eye contact. "I was hard from the minute I saw you walk in." He leans back down, his eyes roaming over my body as if he hasn't seen it in ages.

My hands reach for the ends of my shirt, pulling it over my head. "Fuck." He dives hungrily into my naked chest. Sucking, nibbling, and biting. He squeezes my boobs between his palms, rolling his tongue over my nipples, making them harder by the second. His wet lips slide down my stomach teasingly as his fingers toy with the button of my shorts before finally unbuttoning it. He drags it down my legs, leaving me in my black panties, exposed and ready for him. Somehow I always find myself in this position as much as I'm trying to avoid it but the sight of him desperately fumbling with his belt as his eyes devour my body is one that I'll never get enough of.

I lift myself onto my knees, lowering my body so I'm facing his crotch. I pull down his shorts along with his boxers freeing his already hard member. A small moan escapes my lips at the sight, my mouth watering. His thumb and index finger reach for my jaw, tilting my head to meet his dark gaze.

"I want your eyes on me as you choke on my dick, okay princess?" He says and I'm aflame from head to toe. He takes his dick in his other hand, pumping it a few times before dragging the tip across my lips, coating them with his leaking precum. I keep my eyes locked on his wild blue ones as I take him in my mouth.

"Fuck" He curses under his breath as I twirl my tongue around the tip. I replace his hand with mine, taking him deeper, the size of him weighing on my tongue. I relax my jaw, allowing almost his whole member to enter my mouth. His hands fist my hair while his hips begin to thrust forward, lightly fucking himself in my mouth.

"You're so fucking good at this baby." He praises me. "Look at you choking on it, that's it." I force myself to breathe through my nose while saliva starts dripping from my mouth down to my chin. He fastens his pace only for a few seconds before, pulling my head sharply back by my hair, his dick dropping from my mouth as I gasp for air.

He groans out loud. "I missed this."

His words sink in as much as I try not to let them. It's always 'I missed this' and never 'I missed you.'

He connects our lips again, tasting himself while he pushes me down on my back. His fingers run over my clothed pussy, and that's enough to make my back arch, silently begging him for more. My body responds to him in ways that I can't explain or control. Just a touch and he has me already panting. He pulls my underwear to the side opening my folds with his middle finger.

"Ugh." I gasp.

"Shit baby, you're already dripping." He whispers satisfied against my lips. His mouth falls to the curve of my neck, sucking on my skin as his fingers begin to rub circles over my clit making tiny moans escape me. Unexpectedly, he slides two fingers inside me, quickly building a fast pace.

"Oh, my god." I shut my eyes, pleasure creeping into my lower belly.

"You respond to me so well princess." He kisses me, capturing my bottom lip between his teeth. His fingers pump in and out of me, making my breath shorter as the pleasure builds.

"God Jay, I'm gonna-" The words die in my throat and the flicker of his thumb on my clit sends me unexpectedly over the edge. My orgasm rushes over me like a wave, my body going numb for a few seconds, gasps and moans leaving my lips.

"That's it baby, ride it out." His pace slows down a bit before pulling his fingers out. He leaves wet kisses along my jaw, making my eyes fly open.

"I want more. " My tone begging with no embarrassment.

A grin overtakes his lips, his eyes shining under the dim light of the moon. "I want you on your hands and knees. " He demands.

My body moves on its own, and before my mind can catch up I'm on all four, my ass on display in front of him. He runs his palms over the skin before slapping sharply my right ass-cheek.

I gasp, flinching forward. "That's for flirting with Rafe."

"I wasn't flirting with-" 

Another slap.

"And that's for ignoring me for a week." He growls. I stay silent as he pulls my underwear to the side again. He strokes my pussy with the head of his dick, dragging it up and down my slit, teasing me.

"JJ please," I whine desperately.

He leans down bringing his lips beside my ear. "Say you're sorry for ignoring me."

I swallow the last bit of pride that's left in me, understanding that my need for him is too big, and knowing that his ego is hurt, I do as he says. "I'm sorry for ignoring, I'm sorry."

"You want me?" He presses, his tone dripping with enjoyment.

"Yes, I want you so bad, please." I push my ass backwards.

He lets out a low chuckle and I hear him rip open a condom, seconds later his head presses against my entrance and slides in slowly. We both let out a groan at the feeling. God, I missed this too.

"Ready?" He asks breathlessly after a few seconds.

I nod my head, allowing him to move his hips. He grabs a full fist of my hair while his other hand stays on the curve of my ass before he pulls out and slams back in.

I immediately gasp when he begins to thrust inside me building a fast and steady rhythm.

"God, you're so fucking tight." He groans. The sound of skin on skin fills the air and my breaths begin to come out short as I arch my back. His dick feels too good inside me, almost heavenly. The way he moves, the sounds he makes, I've missed everything.

"Fuck it's so good." I brokenly moan. His balls begin to hit perfectly at my clit, pushing me closer and closer to my second orgasm. His grip on my hair tightens and pants of air mixed with low growls leave his mouth. I'm struggling to keep my body up as a fucks me harder than ever before and the fire in my belly grows.

"I'm not gonna last long." He mumbles in my ear but the pleasure between my legs is too much, my muscles burn and I squeeze my eyes shut as I let my second orgasm wash over me, euphoria spreading at every inch of my body. My legs begin to shake the sensation too intense as he fucks me through the last of it. His thrusts become sloppier, his nails digging into the flesh of my ass.

He falls forward and I feel his heartbeat on my back. "Fuck, Y/n." He lets an animistic growl in my ear, his body stilling completely as he empties himself inside the condom. Drops of sweat fall from the tips of his blonde hair on my shoulder, while both he and I catch out breaths. After almost a minute he plants a kiss on my back before pulling out slowly. The feeling of emptiness creeps in, alongside with the embarrassment and the realisation of what just happened. I hear him pulling the condom out and throwing it somewhere, while I stay almost frozen. Now that everything is done, I can't find the strength to face him. I lift myself to my feet, my legs still a little weak but I ignore it reaching for my shorts and putting them back on. I keep my back to him and my head low as reach for my top. The sound of his belt lets me know that he doing the same. I feel a tap on my shoulder and I turn around. He holds up my shirt between his fingers.

"Thanks." My voice falters. I pull the shirt over my head and run my fingers through my tangled hair. I feel his eyes on me, burning at the side of my head. I build up all the courage that I can master and turn my gaze to him and it takes one second to regrade it. He stands there, fully dressed, his blonde hair a mess, looking at me with those eyes. Those big, blue eyes that I've grown so used to over the last few months, staring at me with so much softness, analysing. Suddenly, my body is fighting a wave of emotions.

"What?" I ask, my tone almost a whisper.

He clenches and unclenches his jaw, his eyes saying so much but his mouth, not a single word. "I'm taking you home." He states before turning around and walking away back towards the party. I don't fight him, I simply follow him to his bike. Both of us know exactly what's going on, I know he understands what I'm trying to do but he doesn't seem to understand why and I don't bother explaining. I know him. I know how he is, I know how he reacts. I know who he is and who I am. I keep my hands tight around his waist as we make the short way towards my house on his bike. I try to enjoy these last few moments with him. It's always stolen moments like these. On his bike, on the beach, hidden in John B's van, silently in my room, or in my dad's boat. And that's not enough.

.

.

.

.

It's been days since I last saw him. He left me home, with a small nod and a goodnight and I haven't seen him since then. Truth be told, I haven't worked at the cafe at all, claiming to my mother that I have a lot of homework, which is partly true. I've been distracting myself as much as I can with school and studying. Tonight is no different, I'm sitting comfortably in my bed working on my homework for Monday.

"That's it, I'm done with this boy." My dad's yelling interrupts me, catching my attention.

"Honey please, he's going through a rough time." My mom tries to calm him down. "Let me talk to Y/n, maybe she knows something."

"She better not, she shouldn't be hanging out with these boys in the first place." I hear a door slam. I have heard my dad this angry in a long time, but usually, it is always about the same things; either me sneaking around and breaking his house rules or something to do with the pogues. My dad loves my mom and accepts her for who she is but he doesn't get why she still wants to have ties with the south side and most importantly why she wants me to grow up knowing both sides. But what are they fighting about now? What boy?

A soft knock on my door snaps me out of my thoughts. "Come in."

My mom opens the door slowly., entering my room. "Hey, honey." She closes the door behind her.

"What's going on mom? Why is dad yelling?" I ask her right away.

She lets out a sigh and approaches my bed, taking a seat. "Y/n have you talked to John B at all?"

My eyebrows twitch. "Um, no not really, why?"

She doesn't appear mad unlike the way my dad sounded a few seconds ago, instead, her face falls at my answer.  "Are you sure? Have you talked to Kiara or the other boys?"

I shake my head, her questions confusing me more. "No mum, why?"

"Apparently the keys to the boat are nowhere to be found." She finally explains.

"And you think Jonh B stole them?" I lift both my brows. "Mom, come on, I mean I would expect something like this from dad but not from you."

"No, no" My mom shakes her head, reaching for my hand. "No, honey. You know what I think of him, I care about John B, I've known him since he was a child. I wouldn't mind if he took the key and had fun on the boat with his friends for a few days but you know how your dad gets."

"It's always the pogues' fault." I roll my eyes.

"Please talk to him, " She nods. "I would hate for him to lose his job because of something like this. Just ask if he took them."

I nod back. "Fine, I will."

"Thanks, honey." She places a kiss on my forehead. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight mom." I hold my smile until she closes the door. Why would John B take the keys to our boat? He knows that if he simply asked me or my mom we would let him borrow it. This doesn't seem like something he would do but then again, the only people that have access to the boat are me, my parents, and him. I reach for my phone and call John B but the phone rings and rings with no answer. I try a few more times, before trying Kie and Pope, but no luck. I stare at his number for a few seconds before pressing call, mentally preparing myself to listen to his voice after so long but just like the rest of them, he doesn't pick up.

"What the hell? Why is none answering?" .

.

.

I decided to go by the chateau after my morning shift at the cafe. I prepare myself and go over the things I'll say if by chance JJ's there as well but I stop in my tracks when an unfamiliar van comes into view packed outside the house. Sounds of glass breaking, things being thrown around, and doors slamming can be heard as I move closer to the house. I push myself behind a big tree, narrowing my eyes, trying to peer through the open window, when 2 men come into view. Big, muscular, and scary looking. Fear begins to spread through my body.

"You better not be in there boy!" One of them yells as they both throw themselves to a closed door, trying to open it. They kick and punch at the old wooden door as it slowly begins to crumble. Suddenly I see the window on the side of the house opening, and a body quickly forcing its way out of it. He turns around and I immediately recognise Pope's face. Kie follows shortly after with John B right behind them. They begin to run my way as I stay frozen, completely shocked by what's happening right in front of me. Pope's eyes lock with mine, his face taken over by a scared expression probably mirroring mine.

"Guys." He yells in a whispering tone and everyone's heads snap my way. JJ is the last to jump out the window, running behind his friends.

His eyes fall on me, eyes widening. "No, no, no." He mumbles as they all reach me. "No, not now." He grabs my arm just when a gunshot echoes through the area. I gasp, my body numbing with fear as JJ drags me along with them, my eyes not leaving the house as the 2 guys open the door and burst into the room that they guys came out of. JJ pulls me inside the small chicken coop closing the small door behind us. I bring my hand to cover my mouth, my fingers trembling. I look around taking in all of their scared faces. "W-what-" I try to say.

"What are you doing here?" JJ angrily whispers, pulling me by the arm to face him but I don't react.

"JJ now is not the time." Kie snaps at him, fear written all over her face as well. The chickens begin to make noise, yet nothing reaches me. "Do something. " She nods towards the chickens.

"Like what? Pet them?" Pope jokes while trying not to panic.

JJ reaches over taking the chicken in his hands and squeezing his little neck until it eventually stops breathing. I try to take deep breaths but my eyes stay locked on the house as the men get inside the car and drive off. Kiara takes my hand in her, tears wetting her cheeks.

"I think it's clear." John B says. "Come on." He steps out of the coop, Pope and Kiara following him.

JJ moves in front of me, stepping out as well. He extends his hand for me to take. My trembling fingers wrap around it, allowing him to pull me out. 

"What are you here?" He repeats. His eyes look at me still panicked, moving around my face almost fanatically. His hands come up to my face, pushing hair away.

"I.." I try to form a sentence but my mouth is dry. "I was looking f-for John B."

"God." He runs his fingers through his hair, moving around.

"I thought we were going to die." Kie breathes out, holding her hand over her chest. Pope moves to her side and pulls her into a side hug.

"What just happened?" I say still trying to catch my own breath. "Who are they? What did they want?"

John B looks at his friends, and I know that he's silently asking them if he can tell me. He walks towards me. "Hey, I'm sorry you had to see that." He pulls me to his chest.

"Are you in trouble?" I look up at him. "you know that my mom will help you with anything. Just tell me."

"Y/n-"

"You don't have to know everything." JJ says, his hands crossed in front of him, his face suddenly cold.

I move my eyes to him, confused by his tone and sudden energy shift.

"JJ.." Kiara sends him a careful glare.

"Why were you looking for me?"

"Um," I mumble, my eyes still fixated on JJ. "did you take the keys to our boat?"

He closes his eyes, cursing under his breath. "Yeah," he looks at his friends again, all of them looking at me apologetically. What the hell is going on? I'm used to not being involved in pretty much anything when it comes to them, but this is not a joke.

I narrow my eyes at all of them, shaking my head. "Can anyone please explain to me what the fuck just happened?"

"Look Y/n-" Pope takes a step forward but JJ cuts him off, placing a hand on his chest.

"No, she doesn't need to know."

"What's wrong with you?" Anger overtakes my tone. He's acting like an asshole right now. "Do you realise what just happened JJ? Those guys had a gun."

"I know that Y/n." He clenches his jaw, walking back towards me. "but it doesn't involve you, so just go back to figure 8 cause last time I checked that's where you belong." He gets closer to my face and I feel my whole body stiffens at his cruel words. "Stop trying to be a pogue." 

I tighten the muscles on my face, not wanting to let the tears leave my eyes but the unexpected anger overtakes my body and my hand moves across his face, slapping him hard. His face freezes, staying to the right. He has never spoken to me like that. He has never acted this way towards me and I hate it.

"Fuck you dude." I spit, shaking my head. I turn to John B. "Give me the keys." I don't care why they took them and I don't wanna know what happened anymore, I just wanna go home.

"Y/n.." He gives an apologetic look.

"Give. me. the. keys." My tone is sharp as I open my palm in front of him.

He lets out a sigh before dropping them in my palm. I put them in my pocket, not saying a word to him, and turn around.

"Y/n, let me come with you." Kie offers.

"I'd rather not." I say getting inside my car and slamming the door shut. I pull out without waiting for any of them to try and stop me and drive off, letting the tears finally fall. Tears of fear, tears of anger, and tears of hurt. He was right; I desperately wanted to be one of them my whole life but that wasn't the reason why I asked. I don't give a shit what they were doing and how they ended up in a situation like that, but it was serious. It wasn't fun and games, those guys weren't joking around and I care about them. All of them. If they're in trouble I want to help them as much as I can. My mom would understand them and she would do anything to help cause she's a pogue. But I'm not. I'm not and they'll never see me as one. They'll never trust me enough. He'll never let me get close. I know how it is and I thought that I had accepted it but clearly I was wrong cause it hurts.

. . . .

It's been 2 days and yet I'm still on edge. I still look over my shoulder every 5 seconds, and I still flinch over any slightly loud noise. I've been zoning out constantly, my mind travelling back to that day and his words. It still hurts, the way he talked to me but it was the reality check that I needed. Maybe it's time to actually stop and move on.

I wipe the last of the tables getting ready to close the cafe. The sun is setting and I can't wait to go home and relax after a long day. I move to the counter, grabbing my stuff and making sure everything is closed and in order when I hear the 'ding' the door makes when it opens.

"I'm sorry we're closed-" I turn around coming face to face with the 2 men that broke into John B's house.

Their faces hold the same smug expression, satisfied with the clear shock that overtakes my whole body. "We're not here for coffee." One of them says, his voice raspy and low.

My feet move backwards until my back hits the front of the counter. "I-I can't help you then." I shutter.

"Oh but you can," He smirks. "you can deliver a message to John B for us."  I shake my head repeatedly, my chest heavy as I try to breathe. He grabs me by the arm, his fingertips digging painfully into my skin while the other finds my neck, choking me.

"And since words won't do it for them, maybe this will. "The other one says, nodding to his partner with a smirk. The guy releases me and before I have time to catch my breath, his hand slaps me across the face so hard that it sends me to the ground.

"Ugh." It takes me a few seconds for my sense to return, my head heavy with pain and my skin burning. He grabs me by the shirt, forcing me upwards only to bring his hand across my face again. I yell in pain, tears streaming down my face as the taste of blood fills my mouth. My eyes struggle to focus.

He stands straight, looking down at me. "P-Please stop." I beg but he stays unphased, kicking me right in the stomach. Pain spreads through my body, my knees coming to my chest as I cough violently. He kicks me again, and again, his boot finding my face at some point and I scream until there's no strength in me to make noise anymore. The tears won't stop and breathing gets harder by the second.

"Tell your friend that he better give us the compass or else he's next. "He pulls my head up by my hair causing me to whine in pain. He gives me one last evil smirk before slamming it back on the wooden floor and walking away without a second glance at my aching body, his partner following.

I sob violently at this point, trying to keep my head focused and my eyes open but they're getting heavier and heavier, the world starting to spin. I don't know how long I stayed on the floor in and out of consciousness but when I heard my name being yelled my eyes snapped open.

John B kneels by my side. "Oh my god Y/n, what happened?" He says, his voice full of panic. His hands' ghost over my body not knowing where to touch me as he scans the injuries.

I don't reply but a broken sob escapes me.

"It's okay, it's gonna be okay." He slides his hands carefully under my body, my face twitching with pain. He takes me in his arms and walks out of the cafe. "It's okay, you're safe, I got you." he murmurs against my head. He lays me down on the back seat of the twinkie before hopping in on the driver's seat. His hands move fast, his eyes wild, looking back at me every 2 seconds as he drives.

"What happened?" He whispers. "W-who did this?"

I keep my eyes close and try to control my breathing but the pain is too much. "T-those men" The words that leave my mouth are barely audible but he catches them.

His hands tighten around the wheel, before punching it. He looks back at me anger written all over his face, his eyes almost watering. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Y/n. It's all my fault."

"The compass.." I drag out, causing him to look back at me with wide eyes but everything fades again.

I feel his hands on me again. He takes me in his arms. "We're here." He whispers and I bury my face in his neck. I recognise his house immediately. He takes big steps almost running trying to hold me without causing me pain.

He reaches the house. "Guys!." he yells. "Help!"

"Oh my god, Y/n," Kie cries out rushing to us.

"What happened?" Pope tries to help John B carry me to the couch.

"Y/n." It's his voice that makes my eyes finally open and it's the look on his face when he sees me that hurts more that the pain in my body. A single sharp breath leaves his mouth before he's by my side as John B places me on the couch. I let out a small whine.

"What happened?" He whispers, dropping to his knees beside me. "What happened?!" He yells turning to John B who has his hands buried in his hair, pacing around the room. Kie appears back in the room with a first aid kit.

"Those men, the 2 men that broke in, jumped on her. " He answers.

"What?" Pope says. "Why would they do that to her? How do they even know her?"

"It's the boat, idiots." Kie angrily says passing some ice to JJ. "They saw us jumping inside it to escape them."

"Baby," JJ presses the ice to my cheek, with trembling hands. I can already feel different parts of my body brushing. His other hand comes to my head, brushing my hair back. "Baby, I'm sorry." He places his lips against my forehead. His lips tremble, and he shakes his head, eyes wide full of fear and anger. "You're gonna be okay, I'm here yeah? I'm not leaving you again." He whispers, his voice breaking.

Kie appears next to us. "Jay, let me take care of her." She touches his shoulder. "She needs help and rest."

JJ leaves one last kiss on the side of my face before getting up. "I'm gonna fucking kill them."I hear him growl before he and the boys move further into the house. Kie cleans up all my wounds and takes care of the cuts that I had on my face.

"Get some rest okay?" She smiles a sad smile at me.

"Thanks, Kie." I mumbled before drifting off.

. . . . . .

I shiver, the sudden cold air that hits my exposed skin forces my eyes open, waking me up from my slumber. The living room is dark, not a single person is here except me. I try to lift my body into a seating position, and a sharp but lighter pain spreads around my stomach and back causing me to whine.

I hear a groan from my left and I turn to find JJ's sleeping body laying on the floor. His closed eyes twitch before opening. It takes a few seconds for him to react but when he sees me awake his body shoots up, hands stretching towards my body.

"Y/n," He breathes. "hey."

I rub my eyes with the back of my hands. "What time is it?"

"Um," His hands fumble with his phone. "It's almost 3 am. You fell asleep"

"Hmm," I hum, lifting myself into a seating position. "My parents-"

"Kiara texted them from your phone that you're gonna stay at hers tonight." He says. "Take it easy." He touches my back softly. A sad expression overtakes his face when he sees me struggling to straighten my back.

"Y/n.." He shakes his head and I know exactly what he's going to say.

"It's okay, it's fine." I reassure him. JJ tends to hold a lot of guilt inside. He thinks that he's responsible for anything that happens. It seems like he holds the weight of the world on his shoulders when there's really no need.

"No, it's not." He shakes his hand repeatedly. "It's not. I can't stand seeing you hurt because of me. You did nothing wrong, it shouldn't have happened like this." His eyes drop to his hands that are resting on my thighs.

"It's not your fault." I place my hand on top of his.

"But it is. We stole your boat to escape, they saw that. And then I acted like a dick refusing to tell you anything in order to protect you and keep you out of it when in the end it's you who got hurt." His voice is filled with guilt and anger.

"Protect me from what?" I scoff. "What's going on Jay?"

His eyes soften at the nickname but he stays quiet.

"Why don't you trust me?" I mumble, mostly to myself.

"I do trust you." He defends.

"Just not enough right?" I smile a little.

He closes his eyes. "Y/n, you know it's not like that. You know me."

"Apparently I don't JJ." I raise my tone a little. "I mean I thought I did, I wanted to. I was patient and I was understanding. I listened to you and I was there. As much as you would let me at least." I go on, and all the words that I was holding inside come rushing out. "The JJ I know would not talk to me like that, the JJ I know would not disappear for days, the JJ I know would not keep secrets from me."

"Y/n-" He tries to interrupt me.

"No, I get it, I know my place. " I hold a hand up between us. "I know we're not together but I care JJ. " I admit looking at him dead in the eye. His face falls at my words, jaw tightening. "I liked it when you would climb through my window and we would talk for hours about all the things you guys had done that day and I liked it when I would sneak out after midnight and go on bike rides with you. I liked how we would surf together or how we would lay on my rooftop, looking at the stars talking about all the things we want in life. You were the one that was pushing me to join you in all kinds of things, you would always tell me that I was a pogue deep down." Tears threaten to spill but I try to contain them.

"You were the one that pushed me away," He point a finger towards me. "Since day one, since the first day we fucked, you never wanted me."

"JJ," I lift my hands to my hair, struggling to control my anger. "I was trying to protect myself!"

"For what?" He shoots back, his frustration building as well.

"From you!" His shoulders fall. "I wanted you, I've always wanted you but I know you." I sigh, studying his beautiful, blue eyes that are piercing mine. "I know better than to let myself fall and believe that this is more than it is." I say quietly.

He tilts his head, his eyes never leaving mine. "I tried to stay away from you because I couldn't stand to hold you and know that you aren't mine. Every time I would look at your face, I would see nothing but walls. We would have sex and then you would go back to being cold and wanting to be as far away from me as possible and I honestly get it, people like me don't deserve people like you."

I shake my head in disbelief. "How can you say that?"

"Cause it's true." He chuckles sadly. "Look at you and look at me." He motions between us.

"Stop." I close my eyes, unable to stand the way he views himself, I wish he could see how extraordinary he actually is.

"Y/n, I know." His gaze hardens. "But when John B walked through that door with you almost unconscious in his arms. Your body and face brushed and beaten," He twitches his face as if the image brushes through his mind and physically hurts him. "I lost it. My heart dropped. Nothing mattered but making sure that you were okay and holding you in my arms. The thought that something like that had happened to you," He shakes his head, reaching to take my jaw in his hands gently. "I can't fucking stand it. And I swear to you that I will search the whole island for these motherfuckers and I'll fucking kill them for laying a finger on you." He leans forward, his forehead inches away from mine.

A small smile creeps on my lips at his words, my heart warming instantly.

"I'm sorry about what I said the other day, all I wanted was to protect you and I'm sorry for disappearing on you. I'm sorry about all the lying and the secrets and I'm sorry I can't be what you need and deserve." His eyes move all over my face while his thumbs move gently over my cheekbones.

I bite my lip. "JJ, you're all I want. You're more than enough." I say with my whole heart, wanting nothing more than for him to see himself the way I do. "You're the most incredible person I know and it hurts me that don't see it."

"I don't deserve you." He whispers, his lips ghosting over mine. His breath becomes my breath.

"Shut up." I smile crushing my lips to his. It doesn't take more than a second for him to react, moving his mouth against mine, inhaling sharply as if I'm oxygen. I let out a low moan as JJ's lips started nibbling at mine, demanding entrance that I'm all too happy to grant. It's ridiculous how much I've missed him, the taste of his lips is enough to make all the pain disappear. Everything fades away as our tongues collide, teasing and testing each other. My hands travel to his hair, tugging lightly while he holds my waist carefully. I push myself forwards, sucking on his bottom lip before capturing it between my teeth. I can feel him holding back, he digs his fingers into my skin and releases a sharp breath.

"Y/n," He lets out a low groan, breaking the kiss.

My frustration builds more with each second passing, wanting nothing more than to feel his hands on me. I need to feel him. "What?" I breathe out.

"Maybe.." His eyes fall to my swollen lips, his mouth opening. "Maybe we should take it slow, considering what you went through the last few hours."

I shake my head. "No, I want you." I inch forward wanting to taste him again but he doesn't let me.

"Princess, trust me I want nothing more than to throw you on the couch and fuck you senseless while you scream my name for everyone to hear." He tilts his head downwards, his words making my insides hot and causing my thighs to clench together, hoping for some relief. His eyes big and wild, hungrily staring back at mine while I let my hands explore and touch his face, brushing his hair back and down his neck. My burning desire for his touch has overtaken me completely, my stomach tightens just at the thought of all of the things we could do but I know that he's right, my body still feels beaten and heavy.

"You need to rest for tonight." He takes my jaw between his fingers.

"Will you stay with me?" I'm scared that the minute we leave each other, things will go back to how they were, and what I realised after tonight and after what happened is that I don't wanna be without him anymore. I don't want to be scared anymore cause you never know what will happen.

His face breaks into a soft smile. "Lay down."

His arms felt familiar yet foreign. Like I missed the feeling of falling asleep buried in his chest, his scent filling my senses but different like something's changed.

.

.

.

.

The book that I'm reading has been getting less and less interesting with each minute passing. Maybe it's the fact that it's 10:00 pm and I'm laying in my bed, reading on Saturday night, or the fact that he hasn't called me or even texted the whole day. It's been a few days since the incident at the cafe. After we woke up that day JJ drove me back home and explained pretty much everything, about The Royal Merchant, the compass that they found, and how it lead them to the tape recorder that Big John left for his son. I still can't believe some of the things that happened to them and what they discovered. He made me promise that I won't tell a soul, something I would have done even if he hadn't asked. I haven't seen him since, mostly cause my parents have been babying me none stop. I told them what happened at the cafe, twisted around a little the actual truth, and claimed that the 2 men tried to rob the cafe but JJ and John B showed up. I haven't gone to school or done anything in general for the past few days. I've been laying low and have recovered completely but my mind has been stuck on what JJ told me. Through the days I found myself wondering what they were doing and wishing I was with them.

A knock on my widow breaks me out of my thoughts. JJ sends me a small wave. My head snaps to my door, checking if it's closed before running to open the window. He quickly pushes his tall body through the small opening, stumbling a little in the process.

"Hi" he breathes out, standing up straight.

"Hi," I giggle "what are you doing here?" I scan him with my eyes making sure that he's okay and also taking in the sight of him that I've missed so much.

"I wanted to check up on you." He says, running his hands through his hair.

My hands are itching, wanted to reach in and touch him but I don't know if that is too much. Honestly, I don't know where we stand, all I know is that I've missed him.

His eyes move around my face while he tugs his bottom lip between his teeth. My eyes catch the movement. "Come here." He mutters before reaching forward and wrapping his arms around my waist. I bury my face into the curve of his neck, my eyes closing at the feeling of his embrace.

"I missed you." He speaks so quietly that I almost didn't catch it.

I tighten my arms around his neck, silently responding. I missed him too.

"I was worried about you." I say, pulling away slightly.

"About me?" He lifts his brows playfully. "Come on have a little faith in my survival skills princess."

I slap his shoulder lightly, trying to hide my smile. "What happened? Is everyone okay?"

"Yeah, everyone's fine." He brushes me off. "I'll tell you everything but first.." He cups my jaw with his hands and presses his lips to mine. I let out a surprised sound that dies in my throat before moving my lips against his, responding. I feel him smile into the kiss and he opens his mouth slightly, allowing my tongue to slide inside. He hums as our tongues play with each other, letting his hands fall to my waist. He pulls my body closer to his, forcing me to my tiptoes while the kiss gets heavier. The sound of our lips and our heavy breathing fills the room.

"My parents will hear us." I breathe out.

"I don't care." He attacks my lips again, backing me slowly until the back of my knees hit my bed. He breaks the kiss and gives me a light push causing me to fall on the bed. He stares down at me with a smirk slowly dropping his hands to the bottom of his shirt and peeling it off his body. My eyes take him in, his chest and abs on full display. I bite my lip wanting nothing more than to reach out and touch him. He leans down, wrapping his hands around my neck, forcing my head upwards to look at him.

"Don't look at me like that." He drawls out.

I relax my face, staring at him through my lashes. "Like what?"

He pushes me down completely, my back flat against the bed while his legs are spread on each side of my hips.

He gives me a light slap on the cheek but it's enough to make my back arch and my thighs to clench together. "Don't test me, princess, 'cause I don't give a shit about your parents being just across the hall."

My hands find the bottom of my own shirt, pulling it over my head. "I don't give a shit either."

"Fuck." He dives right into my chest, his mouth nibbling and sucking on my exposed skin. My hands go to his hair instantly, guiding him to my breasts. He wastes no time, unclipping my bra and taking one of my nipples in his mouth.

"Mhh," I moan as he circles his tongue around the hardening nub. His hands hold my hips down when I try to find some relief by grinding my hips to his. His lips travel farther down teasingly, dragging his tongue over my stomach and stopping at the top of my pajama pants. His eyes shoot up, the light and hunger in them challenging me. His fingers toy with the fabric, pulling it down slowly, not breaking eye contact while I lift my hips, allowing him to fully take it off. He straightens up, his hands fumbling with his belt with his eyes glued to my panties. His breathing hardens when I open my thighs exposing myself to him.

"You have no idea how I missed you." He groans, pulling his pants down.

I blink at him with a small smile. "How much?"

His eyes darken, looking down at my figure hard. " Let me show you." He pulls me by the thighs to the edge of the bed and kneels down right in front of my core. I inhaled sharply as he wastes no time ripping my panties off of me. His eyes beamed with hunger, taking in the sight of me. He lowers himself just a little, his hot breath fanning my bare pussy causing shivers to spread through my body. He looks up, eyes narrowing playfully using the tip of his tongue to deliver a soft flick over my clit. My legs twitch slightly, which causes him to smile.

"Stay still princess." He pins my hips down again and drags his tongue over my slit. He groans against me, the vibration shooting through me while he wastes no time diving in and moving his tongue at a faster pace. Heat explodes through my veins, my toes curling at the feeling of his wet muscle absolutely devouring me with no hesitation. He sucks and nibbles, drawing and flickering against my sensitive nerves as I whimper shamelessly underneath him. My hand shoots to his hair, head falling back and my back arching when I feel not one but two fingers slotting into my entrance.

"Oh my god, Jay." I rasp out, my palm covering my mouth.

His fingers start moving violently fast inside me, filling the room with pornographic wet sounds as the heat on my lower stomach builds embarrassingly fast. "Fuck baby, you're so wet." He groans against me before moving his thumb to cover my clit, rubbing circles in a fast motion.

His mouth attaches to my neck, taking the soft skin between his lips. "I want you to come on my fingers baby can you do that for me?" He whispers in my ear.

My body lifts off the mattress, feeling myself climbing higher and higher. "I-I'm gonna-" The words die in my throat as a giant wave of unexpected pleasure crashes over me, my eyes roll all the way back to my head, my mind going completely numb as his fingers keep up the pace allowing me to ride it out.

"That's it, baby," He mumbles against my neck. I close my eyes, still feeling the tingling sensation lingering in my belly. He pulls his fingers out, the aftermath of my orgasm dripping to his palm. He wraps his swollen lips around them, testing me while piercing me with his blue eyes.

He moans lightly. "The taste of you is incredible."

"Can I have a taste?" I nod down to his visibly hard member, that's fighting against the fabric of his boxers as he straightens his back, towering over me. My mouth watering at the thought, hands inching to fill the weight of his throbbing cock against them.

A low chuckle escapes him. "I would die to feel those pretty lips around my dick," He takes my jaw between his fingers. "But there's something I want more right now." He captures his bottom lip between his teeth, reaching to pull his boxers down. His dick shoots up free hitting his stomach, my eyes flicker to the tip, red and swollen with drops of precum coating it already. He pulls the drawer of my nightstand open, grabs a condom from the ones that he left a few weeks back, and quickly rolls it over his dick. He takes both of my wrists in his hands before I have any time to touch him and slams me back down on the bed.

He pins my hands over my head. "Your hands stay there."

I nod, trying to stop the grin of excitement that's forming on my lips. The feeling of need and frustration that only he can make me feel and that I've missed so much overtakes me as he lines his dick in my entrance. His tip brushes over my clit, opening my folds before pushing in slowly.  His forehead falls on mine and we both gasp as he fills me up entirely.

"Shit, princess." He hisses when I nod my head and give him the green light to move which he wastes no time doing. He pulls out all the way before slamming back in, filling me up again with such a powerful push that it causes me to gasp out loud. His hips find a rhythm in no time, attacking me with sharp, deep thrusts that make my breasts bounce almost painfully. His forceful movements draw all kinds of sounds out of me while everything begins to fade. My ears fill with the sound of my own heartbeat and his low moans and grunts as he pushes in and out of me, stretching me out with the size of his cock. I fight to keep my eyes open, only being able to focus on his beautiful face, that's overtaken by a mesmerizing fucked out expression. His eyebrows are drawn together, drops of sweat coating his forehead while his mouth hangs slightly open. He looks breathtaking as he fucks me senseless, reminding me with each thrust that in reality, he's all I want. His hands reach for the back of my right thigh, lifting it a little gaining access to a better angle that allows him to thrust deeper. My eyes roll back, unable to contain the pleasure that shoots from my core, my hands fly to his back, nails dining to the soft flesh, earning a deep grunt from him.

"You're doing so well baby, look at you taking my dick like a good girl." He grabs my neck with his free hands, his pace quickening making the knot in my stomach tighten. I dig my nails deeper, hands tugging his hair while both of our bodies dripping with sweat but I don't care about anything except my second orgasm that approaches.

"Are you gonna come for me again princess?" He teases me, feeling my walls tighten against him. "Tell me how good it feels, and maybe I'll let you come." He demands, tilting his head downwards and tightening his grip around my neck.

I can feel my wall throbbing, tightening painfully around his dick trying to keep him inside as heat begins to spread in my belly. "It feels so good Jay, so fucking good please baby don't stop." My dignity dissolves as tears start to form at the corners of my eyes.

"Tell me I'm the only one you want." His thrusts being to get sloppy, signalling that his own high is approaching. His eyes are wild, and everything starts to feel overwhelming.

"Y-you're the only one, I only want you." I confess, my tone desperate and begging.

He connects our foreheads again, hand dropping to my clit and with a single flick of his finger, I'm over the edge. My back arches, black spots fill my vision, and an almost euphoric feeling pulses through my veins. My brain and body are overtaken with pleasure and I keep my eyes shut as JJ's orgasm hits him just as hard.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck." He buries his face in the curve of my neck, letting his low groans fill my ear. I let him ride it out, ignoring the over-sensitivity that I start to feel. His body freezes for a few seconds as he releases into the condom before collapsing on top of me. I feel his heart drumming in his chest while he tries to control his breathing. I'm still in a state of bliss, ears still ringing and heart still beating fast. We stay like this for a good minute, our sweaty bodies touching and our fast breathing filling the air until he decides to lift himself off me and fall to the side.

Silence overtakes us, letting everything that just happened sink in. He pops himself on his elbow, head resting on his hand as he looks down at me with soft eyes. His hair going in every possible direction, his lips swollen and his neck covered in marks I don't remember making.

I smile at the sight of him.

"What?" His breathing is still uneven.

"You're pretty." I think out loud.

His eyes shift, lips curving upwards. "I love you, Y/n."

The raw emotion is visible as he speaks the words, causing my heart to stop for a split second. The words I desperately wanted to hear and desperately wanted to say for so long. The skin of my cheeks tingled but I say nothing, still processing what he just said.

His face breaks into a smile, unphased by my silence. "Fuck, I wanted to say that for so long." He lets out a breath of relief, pushing his hair back.

I've dreamt about this moment, never actually believing that it'll happen, thinking that just a hookup was all that I would ever be for JJ.

I stare deep into his ocean eyes. "I love you too JJ." I speak the easiest truth I've ever had to say out loud.

His smile grows more, overtaking his whole face and causing his eyes to almost close. I reach over throwing a hand around his neck and kissing him like I've never had before. We both smile into the kiss and giggles fill the air.

"I'm in love with you." He says again, against my lips.

His phone interrupts our moment before I have the chance to say it back again.

He sighs, reaching towards the floor to retrieve it from the pocket of his pants.

"What?" He picks up, keeping his eyes on me. His face drops, eyebrows coming together. "Slow down, slow down." His gaze shifts and I lift myself to a seating position, quickly throwing my shirt on. "Okay, I'm coming got it." His body almost bounces as he paces back and forth, his free hand moving fanatically until he stops right in front of me, ending the call.

His eyes light up and a challenging smile tugs at his lips.

"What?" I ask, completely lost.

"Wanna join me on a treasure hunt princess?" He grins.

"What do you mean?" My face twitches with confusion.

"John B needs me, they found something." He begins to get dressed.

"And what? You want me to join you guys?" I can't help the excitement that spreads over my face. "What do you mean?"

"The guys are waiting for us at Kie's place." He stands up straight, all dressed and ready with his hands resting on his hips. "That's the reason I came here." He bites his bottom lip, trying to contain his smile. "To get you. They guys are okay with it, especially with everything happening with Sarah and John B. " He waves his hands around.

I frown." What's going on with Sara and John B?"

He shakes his head, reaching for my waist. "I'll explain on the way. Are you in or not?"

I look into his eyes, the deepest shade of blue I've ever seen. The eyes that I've fallen so hard for and I would do anything for. The eyes that are now silently inviting me, challenging me, and making my heart beat faster. All my life I wanted nothing more than to be like them, to feel what it's like to live life their way, and even though what happened was the scariest thing I've ever experienced I can't help but give him a small nod.

His teeth make an appearance before he takes my face in his hands, planting a kiss on my lips. "Get dressed then baby, the gold is waiting." He smirks.

I smile against his lips. I guess my mom was right; the choice is pretty easy if you follow your heart.

[roseofhybrids]

i put a microphone near your face

how are you feeling after that md stuff huh

Well, the fact that it'll be the end of the series makes it a bit bittersweet, but it had to end at some point. If the story can be told in 8 episodes then so be it. 8 is a lot more than what I had a little over a year ago when I first decided to watch it

I've been invested in quite a few projects that I've never seen get a conclusion to (mostly webcomics, so so many unfinished webcomics). Which is probably where I got the patience to wait as long as I do for these sorts of things. It's easy to wait a few months for an episode to air after waiting multiple years for things that never came to be

Having an ending is much better than the limbo of always being stuck somewhere in the middle, just being left to wonder forever what was meant to happen. So I'm overjoyed that we'll get to see this story get a proper ending

But it is still bittersweet. The show will end, and for a lot of people that means the fandom ending too. I don't believe that's the case, no matter how old something is or how long it's been over for, I see no reason to stop getting as invested as one does with a brand-new piece of media. But still, not everyone can stick around forever. So I'm preparing myself for people to move on. It's sad, but as inevitable as the show itself ending. No matter how long-lasting a fandom, members will move on to other things eventually. Personally, I don't see myself stopping the fan art any time soon. I've never had a reaction to a show like this before. I've gotten really invested in things the same way before, but all those instances it eventually died down after a few weeks and I could stop binge-watching/reading the thing over and over and just be normal about it.

Murder Drones on the other hand. It's been well over a year at this point. I managed to pull my shit together after two weeks like I usually do, but a fraction of the intensity lingered. Now I'm here, with 109 post tagged "murder drones fanart" and 623 just tagged "murder drones" according to the Tumblr archive

I still get giddy rewatching the episodes, still have a long ever-growing list of drawing ideas, still think about the little robots on a daily basis. So yeah, I think I might just be stuck like this the same way I'm stuck forever liking animals, ghosts, and roller coasters. Eventually I'll have to get back to drawing my own characters and one day make my own comics and such. But as things stand, I can see myself still drawing MD art for years. One can only hope I can balance the two out

So yeah, how I'm feeling, Excitement for another episode and finally seeing how this all ends. Dread for the inevitable change, not looking forward to that part, (the joys of living with an anxiety disorder am I right fellas? c'est la vie, c'est la mort) and just a touch of nausea, because this is a lot of excitement after just waking up

so anyhow, gunna go watch the trailer on repeat a couple times and then see if I can't calm myself down a bit afterward

[nicka-nell]

Pairing: Suna x reader, Semi x reader, best friend Atsumu x reader

Note: Rockstar/Band-AU, angst, hurt, mdni, SMAU, text part

Addition: Hi you all! I had a lot of fun with this request. This is the end of the mini-smau for now. I would be happy if you tell me if you like stuff like this or if you like a HC in one post more. ☺️💚

Prev | Chapter 8 (END)

It was strange... Suna hadn’t had such a sickening feeling in his stomach for a long time. As if his stomach was spinning, as if he was about to vomit. But it wasn’t because of the alcohol, which he had been drinking almost like water recently. It was because he had seen the photos of you. The fact that he had read the news about you and Semi. Just the thought of seeing you with another man makes him angry. Jealous… 

“Shit!” he curses and slumps down on his bed, looking at his phone. At a photo that a paparazzo had taken of you. It’s not really sharp but Suna clearly recognizes your facial features and those of Semi... only that Semi is much too close to you for his taste… And yet you look happy... It frustrates him… Letting out a sigh, he closes the site with the picture, searches for some bars to blow off some steam, to numb his feelings. 

- - - - - -

“Semi, Semi Eita? Is that you?” it suddenly slips out of Suna’s mouth as he stands at the bar counter and sees a man who looks too much like the rising idol. The man puts his credit card in his pocket before he stares in Suna’s direction.

It is obviously Semi Eita… How pathetic… Life really wants to punish him even more than it already has. “Suna...” Semi says a little more quietly so that the other party guests don’t turn around and, in the worst case, recognize one of them. 

He takes a step towards Suna, standing proud and tall in front of the equally tall man with green eyes.

“Is there anything I can help you with?” Semi asks, although he can guess what Suna wants from him. Suna looks past Semi, checking if you are anywhere to be seen. But he doesn’t see you. You’re probably in one of the VIP rooms, or Semi is here alone. But no, why should he go here alone?

As far as Suna could figure out, Semi doesn’t live anywhere near here. So why would he go to a local bar like this if he didn’t live here? You must be around here somewhere. This is his chance. Probably his last chance to talk to you. And even if he has to open every door to every single VIP room. But first he has to get past Semi. Giving Semi a slightly arrogant look, Suna puts his hands in his pockets. “As if... can’t a famous person just go out and party? After all, you’re here too.” 

Semi wrinkles his eyebrows skeptically. “But you spoke to me first... so what do you want? Do you want to talk about your ex-girlfriend?” Semi says a little more gruffly, but Suna continues to act nonchalant, even though his heart skips a beat at the word ‘ex-girlfriend’. 

“And what do you have to do with her?” he asks in an indifferent tone again, as if he doesn’t already know that there are several headlines about the two of you. Just as Semi is about to speak, the tall man feels a hand on his back and a few seconds later, you are standing next to him. “Eita... Tsumu met an old school friend and wanted to stay a little longer. Let’s go ho-” just as you’re about to finish your sentence, you see Semi’s grim eyes and look over to the front.

Your eyes widen, your mouth is suddenly dry and your hand, which was resting gently on Semi’s back a moment ago, clenches into a fist. What on earth is Suna doing here? It’s been so many months since he kicked you out of the band, but the betrayal is still buried deep inside you. Seeing him brings back all your feelings. His hurtful words, that cold look when he told you that nobody wants to hear your voice and how bad you are. His words had hurt you more back then than being kicked out of the band.

Suna’s heart starts to beat faster. It pained him when he finally saw you again. You may be wearing a face mask and a cap, but Suna would always recognize you, even from several meters away, with dyed hair, tinted contact lenses… He could always spot you. These green eyes look at you with an expression you can’t sort. Suna wants to say something, but he can’t think of any words. He just stands there, rooted to the spot.

“Eita... let’s go home...” you say, a little agitated, and grab his arm. Semi nods in understanding and takes the initial steps out of the club with you by his side. “Wait, let’s talk, please... P-please...” Suna says suddenly, instinctively trying to grab your wrist, but Semi stands between you, grasping Suna’s arm and giving him a serious look. He doesn’t say a word, doesn’t want to make a fuss in front of so many people, just shakes his head before letting Suna go again.

“I don’t want to talk, Rintarou... Never again...” you reply in a cold, slightly hurt tone before walking out with Semi, not looking back in Suna’s direction.

Suna stands there frozen, not noticing the one groupie who approaches him and shakes his arm. “Oh my God, are you Suna? Can we take a picture together?” He doesn’t hear her. There are only two things going on in his head right now.

Atsumu, one of his closest friends, his bandmate was in contact with you all the time. Atsumu knew all the time where you lived, how you were doing… And yet he told him nothing. Suna cannot believe it. He feels betrayed by one of his closest friends. What about the others? Kita, Osamu, Yuki? Are any of them still in contact with you and no one has said anything? Suna can’t describe the feeling inside him right now.

He is angry, frustrated. His whole body feels warm and he can’t think straight right now. He feels like everyone has lied to him, lied to his face repeatedly, and watched him break down internally with a smile on their faces.

They all knew that he regretted it. That he kept trying to talk to you. It feels like everyone has turned their backs on him. Have let him down. “Shit...” Suna laughs in sheer frustration. Is that what it’s like to be deceived? Did you feel the same way back then?

Right now, Suna would like to go into every VIP room until he finds Atsumu just to pick a fight with him. Confront him. But he has no right to do so. Nevertheless, Suna would rather talk to you than to kick Atsumu’s ass. Again something shakes his arm and only now does he notice the fan girl. She looks at him questioningly.

When did she get here? What does this girl want from him? Instead of answering her question, Suna pulls his arm away and starts moving with a somewhat agitated, “Sorry, I have to go.” The girl seems disappointed, but Suna has no time for that.

Without turning in her direction again, Suna storms out of the bar, out into the now chilly night. Everything is already dark, only the faint illumination of the lanterns is still on. He turns to the left, then to the right. But you are not there. His legs instinctively start moving in the hope that he might find the right path. And it seems as if the gods are on his side. Because it doesn’t take long before he spots you with Semi on the other side of the street at the entrance to a small park. Uncharacteristically for him, he smiles faintly when he sees you, studies you and takes another step in your direction. But he soon realizes that the gods are not on his side after all. On the contrary… It’s as if they want to laugh at him.

Yet, he watches as Semi takes your hand, brings it to his still masked lips like a gentleman and kisses the back of your hand before taking a step backwards and pulling you towards him with a spin. Happily, you laugh and land in his arms, nestled against his chest, as you bury your head in the fabric of his jacket.

Your new lover runs his free hand over the back of your neck, strolling forward to your chin to pull your face up in his direction in a tender way. He glances around, but the street is empty. Suna is standing in a dark part of the street, so neither of you can see him. After making sure that nobody is looking, Semi takes off his face mask, slides his long fingers under the loop of your own mask before releasing it on one side and leaning down to give you a kiss that is so loving and gentle.

A kiss that Suna had always given you at the beginning of the relationship. A kiss that he would love to give you again. But instead, another man is kissing you now. Seems to make you happier than Suna ever could have. He knew that it would happen at some point. That you would find a new partner one day. But why now? And why does it hurt so much?

Suna feels sick again. He feels like he has to throw up and at the same time, it is as if he has run twenty kilometers. His chest hurts, he finds it hard to breathe and his eyes... they burn. They feel warm... and suddenly his vision blurs before something warm is running down his cheeks… Are those... tears? Is he crying?

Is he crying because another man is kissing you? No… It’s something else… It is the despair, the realization that he has actually lost the person who was so important to him back then… Still is. The realization that he took a wrong path. That the greed was too strong and he had lost sight of who and what had led him to form a band in the first place, to become successful. And that he had lost sight of the fact that he never wanted to form the band to become a worldwide celebrity, but to watch you shine on stage, blossom and live the dream you always wanted to live, while he supports you from the side with his guitar and vocals. He wanted to see you happy. See you smile and stay by your side.

And now... you seem to be happy… Very much so. However, without him. And knowing that this man, Semi Eita... that he makes you happy in a way that Suna couldn’t, is killing him. He feels like the road that lies ahead of him and separates him from you cannot be crossed. That you are no longer reachable for him, even though you are so close. Suna could stretch out his arm, maybe take twenty or thirty steps to catch up with you, hold you tight… But what next?

Suna looks at his hand, which he had unconsciously stretched forward. It trembles before falling back down, almost numb. He opens his mouth... but nothing comes out. It feels as if someone is choking him. Frustrated, he bites his lip and does nothing more than watch you move away from him, hand in hand with your new lover, until you are no longer in sight. It’s over… And it was his fault. His greed...

“Please... I’m sorry...” he whispers and looks into nothing but the darkness for a few more minutes. To where he saw you. Where he heard your laughter and saw the shining eyes that had unconsciously always made him smile back then. But now it is clear that all of this will remain just a memory for him. 

[tip-top-cloud-surfer]

The Forgotten Nest (Part 5) - Rooster

Pairing: Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw / Mitchell!OC (Cora)

Word Count: 3.9k

This work, all my works, and my entire blog are 18+ Only

Warnings: Past Unplanned Teenage Pregnancy; Angst; Absent Father Figures; The 'He Didn't Know About the Pregnancy' Trope; Repeating Trauma Cycles; Crying; Arguing; Verbal Altercation; Named Mitchell Daughter OC (Cora) and Named Mitchell-Bradshaw Son (Nickie)

Summary: Cora and Nickie talk. Rooster and Maverick argue.

A.N. There are references to a previous unplanned teenage pregnancy (between two eighteen-year-olds) in this fic. There won't be any flashback scenes to the pregnancy, but the references are still there, so if that makes you uncomfortable, please do not read.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Epilogue

Master List

Nickie grabbed his doorknob and slowly turned it didn’t make a sound. His mom called him out of school and although she offered to take him somewhere special, Nickie told her that he just wanted to be left alone. And for the whole day, his mom didn’t bother him. And he was hoping that she didn’t come up for the next hour or so.

Opening the door slowly, Nickie glanced down the stairs to see if his mom heard him, before sliding down the hall. Nickie quietly entered the small room at the end of the hall. Carefully rifling around, Nickie slid out two plastic boxes that were covered in dust and all the way at the back. He carried them back to his room and shut the door behind him softly.

Nickie opened the first box and started looking around for any information that he could find on one person—Bradley Bradshaw. His father. DNA donor. His mom’s ex? Nickie didn’t really know what to call him at this point.

Sifting through all of the random papers and photos, Nickie pulled out a thick photo album. Setting it on the ground, he flipped open the cover. He vaguely recognized the handwriting scrawled there, and when he saw the first set of photos, he quickly identified the author.

Carole. Carole Bradshaw. His grandmother.

Whenever Cora talked about Goose or Carole to him, she always talked about them as if they were his grandparents, which Nickie didn’t really think meant anything. He called Ice ‘Pops’ just like he would Maverick, after all.

Nickie knew he was named after Goose—Maverick told him back when he was probably six or so. But Nickie just always assumed that it was because his mom and grandfather been so close with Goose and Carole, not because his mom was honoring his actual grandfather.

Flipping through the photos of a young Carole, Goose, and Maverick, Nickie paused when he saw a set of wedding photos. Goose stood in his dress whites, waving happily at the crowd, while Carole wore a simple white lace dress that did very little to hide the prominent baby bump that she was sporting and seemed to be giggling with glee.

Did young unplanned pregnancies run on both sides of his family? Suddenly his grandfather’s very stern lecture just a few months ago made more sense to him.

After the wedding photos, there were a few more of Carole pregnant, before Nickie flipped the page and saw a photo of his . . . of Bradley as a newborn in the hospital. Goose and Maverick were in several photos with Goose holding Bradley in just about every other one.

Twenty-three hours later. Baby Goose was very stubborn, was what Carole wrote there.

Nickie flipped through a few more pages of baby Bradley Bradshaw, subconsciously picking out the similarities between the two of them, until suddenly there was another baby in the photos. Cora. His mom. And though there were individual photos of both Cora and Bradley, the vast majority of the photos involved both of them.  

Cora and Bradley really had known each other for their whole lives. And that, in the back of Nickie’s mind, made Bradley’s decision to leave and never look back all that much worse.

Nickie kept flipping through the photos. Goose and Maverick popped in occasionally but Nickie assumed that they were busy being deployed to be pictured often. Flipping to another page, Nickie paused when a simple set of dog tags and a funeral card were preserved.

Carole’s note read: The day that my heart died. July 29, 1986.

Gently pulling out the funeral card, Nickie flipped it over to see a photo of his grandfather. Goose. The man that he never got to meet. The man that his mom admitted that she barely remembered. She had only been three or so when he died, after all. And Nickie had to wonder if it was some kind of Bradshaw curse to grow up without a dad.

Not that he was a Bradshaw. He was a Mitchell. He was Nicholas Peter Mitchell.

Shaking his head, Nickie put the funeral card back and pulled out the set of dog tags. Goose’s dog tags. Running his thumb over the thin metal, wondering about the man that he was named after, Nickie suddenly looked up when he heard his mom’s footsteps on the stairs.

“Nickie? Did you want dinner?”

“Just a second, Mom!” Nickie yelled back, hurrying to shove the dog tags back into the album.

Carefully putting the photo album back into the box, Nickie scrambled to hide them. But before he could do anything more than haphazardly shove them behind his bed, his mom knocked on his door.

“Nickie? Are you alright?”

“Just a second!”

Nickie hurried over to his bedroom door. Yanking it open, he tried and failed to act casual, earning an immediately concerned look from his mom.

“Hey, Mom.”  

“Why are you covered in dust?” Cora asked immediately, raising an eyebrow.

“I’m not . . .” Nickie started to say before he noticed that his shirt and shorts were very much covered in gray dust, “. . . covered in . . . dust.”

“Nickie,” Cora sighed, looking completely concerned about him, “what are you doing?”

“Just . . . cleaning.”

“Well, you missed all of the dirty clothes on your floor,” Cora stated without missing a beat. She didn’t even need to look into his room to know that. She could just sense it. Resuming her concerned mom expression, however, Cora tilted her head to the side. “What’s going on?”

Sighing, Nickie stepped to the side and let his mom into his bedroom. Cora stepped further into the room until she spotted the two plastic boxes full of old memories that she tucked deep into the closet for a reason. Cora slowly turned back to Nickie with a resigned expression.

“Did you want to talk about it?”

Silently, Nickie sat on his bed and Cora sat down next to him. Reaching into the box, Nickie flipped to the page that he had been on, causing Cora to look all the more depressed at the sight of Goose’s dog tags. She specifically tucked in there after Carole died so that they didn’t set off Bradley or Maverick.

“I know that you always told me that Grandpa Goose died young, but . . .” Nickie trailed off quietly.

“He died at Top Gun. While he was training there with your grandfather. Maverick,” Cora stumbled over her words. “There was a training exercise and they flew into some jetwash and there was a mechanical failure during the ejection and . . .”

Turning to her son, whom she had named for the second father that she lost out over the seas that were not that far from her now, Cora swallowed thickly.

“His ejection failed and he hit the canopy and . . . that was it.”

Cora turned back to the photo album and slowly pulled the dog tags out. Grabbing Nickie’s wrist gently, she placed the dog tags in his hand.

“They’re yours, if you want them,” Cora stated, causing Nickie to nod slow. “Just try not to show them off around your grandfather when he’s . . . you know, when he gets—"

“—I won’t,” Nickie promised, placing the dog tags on his night stand.

Silently, the mother and son flipped through the photos. Cora would point out certain events or little secret memories to her son, who listened intently to every little bit of information that she had for him. Coming to the page for one of Bradley’s birthdays, Cora couldn’t help her soft smile. Bumping Nickie with her shoulder, Cora looked up at her son.

“Remember how when you were small and I used to put little random drops of food dye in the cake and mix it all together?” Cora suggested, causing Nickie to nod along. “Well, that was one of Carole’s old recipes. She’d make it for me and for . . . Bradley for our birthdays all the time.”

Cora flipped through a couple of the photos herself, getting lost in her own memories of the happier times when Carole was alive and well. It was hard to not think about how life would have turned out if Carole never got sick.

“Most of the baking recipes that I have are from her,” Cora mumbled out, lost in her thoughts.

“She was a good cook?”

“The best. She never let anyone leave her home hungry,” Cora replied, turning back to her son with a soft smile. “She was a tough woman. A strong woman. And she had a bigger heart than most of the population combined.” Flipping to another page, Cora choked back some tears as she cupped her son’s cheek and rubbed it with her thumb. “You got her smile.”

“What happened to her?” Nickie asked quietly, causing Cora to nod and look down again.

“She got sick. Cancer,” she stated softly. “They caught it late and . . . there was nothing that anyone could do.” Discreetly wiping a tear from her cheek, Cora sniffled before turning back to her son. “She went very fast. Very fast. It was only a few months between the diagnosis and . . . and the end.”

“Was . . . should I get checked?” Nickie inquired curiously, causing Cora to turn to him quickly.

“Oh, honey, no, no you’re fine. It was ovarian cancer,” Cora explained softly, resting a hand on Nickie’s shoulder. “You and . . . and Bradley . . . you’re both fine.”

“Where’re they buried? Goose and Carole?” Nickie asked curiously after a few moments of silence. “I don’t remember visiting them.”

“They were buried out east. Virginia. It’s where your grandfathers were first stationed out of flight school. It’s where their house used to be.” Turning to Nickie with a sad smile, Cora offered him some strength. “Did you want to go and visit them one day?”

“If we can.”

“Yeah, we can go one day,” Cora agreed, staring down at the photo of Carole, herself, and Bradley.

“Do we . . . is there still family out there?”

“Not very close ones,” Cora replied honestly, wracking her brain. “Both of your grandparents were only children. And both their parents died long ago, so . . . no, I don’t think so.”

“So, Bradley . . . he had no one else to go to . . . except you and Grandpa?”

“Yeah, pretty much,” Cora responded, nodding along.

“Then why did he leave? Did he really want to be by himself that badly?” Nickie asked, trying to put the pieces together.

It didn’t make sense in his mind. If Bradley was raised alongside Cora and with Maverick as his stand-in father, why did he leave? When he had nowhere else to go? Why did he leave Cora in the dust like that? Was he just that big of an asshole?

“No, Nickie, he was just . . . angry,” Cora sighed, smoothing down the fabric of her pants.

“Why?”

“Him and your grandfather had a fight,” Cora began, staring down at the floor. “A big fight.

“About what?”

“About . . .” Cora sighed, rubbing her face with her hand. “About the Navy.”

“What about the Navy?” Nickie pressed, anxiety suddenly lacing his features.

“Your grandfather, he . . . Bradley . . .” Cora cut herself off and started over. “Ever since I can remember, Bradley wanted to go into the Navy. Your Grandpa Goose went to the Naval Academy and then to flight school and Bradley wanted to do the exact same thing. He wanted to carry on his dad’s legacy.”

Nickie sunk a bit more into his bed, looking at the floor as his mom continued with the story.

“And your grandfather . . . Maverick, he—I don’t know how he did it—but he ruined or pulled or did something to Bradley’s application to the Naval Academy and because Bradley was a legacy and a Gold Star kid, he should have gotten in. So, Bradley went digging, called the school, and somehow figured out that Maverick messed with his application and then . . ."

Cora sighed, holding her head in her hands for a moment, remembering that awful night and all of the words that got thrown around. She cried so hard after Bradley left in a fit of rage that she threw up. But, then again, maybe there was another cause behind that.  

“And then he left,” Cora stated softly, picking her head up again.

“Gramps pulled my d—Bradley’s application to the Naval Academy?” Nickie asked quietly with his voice barely above a whisper.

“Yes. It’s what they’re still fighting about to this day,” Cora responded honestly.

And your existence, she thought, though she never would have said in a million years to her son.

Nickie sat back on his bed, lost in a train of thought. Cora gave him some time to process, assuming that he was emotionally exhausted from the last few days. And while that was true, that was not the main reason behind Nickie’s sudden silence.

He knew that his Grandpa Mav didn’t like the Academy. And he knew that Maverick wouldn’t have exactly been thrilled with Nickie’s desire to go there? But did Nickie ever think that his grandfather had it in him to actually pull someone’s application? No.

That didn’t justify what Bradley did, but holy hell Nickie was starting to feel scarily close to the man.

What was it that Ice always told him?

Those who do not learn history are doomed to repeat it.

Cora looked away from her son when her phone started to buzz. Pulling out her phone, she spotted the Kazansky name. Cora gaze Nickie’s shoulder a tight squeeze before standing up and moving to answer the call in the hallway. Nickie was still caught up in his own thoughts for a moment, but snapped his head up when he suddenly heard his mom cry out.

“Mom?” Nickie called worriedly, getting up from his bed. “Mom, what’s wrong?”

Nickie raced out of his room, causing the dwindling sunlight to rest on a photo of Maverick and Ice holding Nickie as a baby and Goose’s dog tags, which Nickie had just placed on his nightstand.

~~~~~

Bradley was stewing, absolutely stewing, in a mess of emotions in the ready room.

He swore that he could still hear the explosion echoing through the comms after Phoenix and Bob’s plane burned in. The clear edge of fear and panic that entered Phoenix’s voice when she yelled for Bob to eject from her backseat. Maverick’s screams for Coyote rattled around in there too, along with the altitude warning systems.

Bradley had never lost a wingman before and now he nearly lost three in one day. One right after the other. And, of course, Maverick was the only aviator up in the air when shit hit the fan that seemed to walk out of it unscathed. Like he always managed to do.

And don’t even get Rooster started on the emotional toll that was still weighing on him from yesterday.

Bradley hadn’t slept and he barely ate since that confrontation at the Mitchell house. He briefly fell asleep on the floor by his door, after crying out every last bit of moisture that his body could expel, but it wasn’t much. If Phoenix or any of the other Daggers noticed the dark bags under his eyes, they didn’t speak about it.

But honestly, right now, it was the silence that killed Bradley.

The silence let his thoughts run wild and untethered. He had already run through at least a thousand scenarios about how the situation with Cora happened and none of it made him feel any better. They all made him feel sick to his stomach.

It still didn’t feel real. It still didn’t feel possible. And yet it was.

Cora was pregnant when he left. But that wasn’t possible, he argued with himself. Except it was. It definitely was. It was so possible that Rooster wanted to smack his head through a wall for being dumb enough to not think about the risk back then. Jesus Christ, how could he have been so stupid? How could they have both been so stupid?

And Nickie—his son—how did he not recognize him at the Hard Deck? How did he not feel some kind of instinctual pull towards his own son? And hell, the kid was a walking sign that screamed ‘Bradshaw.’ All that he was missing was a mustache and a Hawaiian shirt. And his name was Nickie, Nick, Nicholas—whatever—after his dad. After Goose.

God, Bradley could have laid there for hours and cried about that. He did, actually.

And Cora, Jesus Christ, he blocked her number early. The night that he left after she tried calling him about twenty times. And by the time that he even thought to unblock it, she had probably given up on him already.

She raised Nickie by herself. Without him. With Maverick probably standing right there, waiting to swoop in and talk about how Bradley wasn’t ready to be a dad. How he wasn’t good enough or strong enough or prepared enough.

The door opened behind Rooster and Maverick—the son of a bitch—stepped into the ready room. Maverick took a few steps into the ready room, but Bradley didn’t acknowledge him. Not right away. He didn’t deserve acknowledgement after what he did, in Rooster’s opinion.

“They’ll keep Phoenix and Bob in the hospital overnight for observation but they’re going to be okay.”

Bradley nodded, but otherwise refused to acknowledge Maverick. Bradley was concerned that he would knock Maverick’s lights out if he did. His anger with Cora was still there, but it was more hurt than any anything else. Guilt, overwhelming and all-consuming guilt, and pain. He felt a stab in the gut every time that he thought about her, about the struggles that she probably went through without him. 

But with Maverick? That was all rage. Pure, unadulterated rage.

“Rooster?”

Standing up from his chair so quickly that he threw the chair back onto the floor, Rooster spun around, almost rabid. Maverick was sickeningly getting used to receiving death glares from Goose’s son and slowly widened his stance, as if he was expecting Rooster to charge at him.

“Why didn’t you tell me about my son? Huh? You didn’t think that I deserved to know that I had a son!?”

“We tried to reach out to you,” Maverick stated, keeping his voice calm and his gaze steady. “Cora must have sent you a hundred—”

“—I’m not talking about her! I’m talking about you!”

Bradley took a few steps forward and Maverick steeled his expression, ready to take the brunt of Rooster’s wrath. He was more than prepared to take it.

“You used all of your favors with the Navy to pull my fucking Academy papers, but when it came time for you to get in contact with me or track me down to tell me that I had a kid that I didn’t know about, you just said fuck it and didn’t look for me? Didn’t try to get to me through that!?”

“Cora didn’t want me to do that,” Maverick stated calmly.

“That’s bullshit.”

“What’s bullshit is the fact that you blocked her in the first place,” Maverick snapped back, some of his own frustration coming to the surface. “I understand why you were mad at me after the whole Academy papers incident, but why the hell did you ever take it out on Cora?”

“She took your side that night and I wasn’t thinking straight!”

“And what about all the other days since then?” Maverick demanded, causing Rooster’s eyes to flash. “Because there’s been a couple.”

“You son of a bitch,” Rooster cursed, shaking his head at Maverick as he clenched his fists at his sides. “You think that you’re some kind of saint, Maverick?”

“No,” Maverick replied immediately.

“You were barely there for Cora when she was growing up! It wasn’t until my mom got sick that you ever stuck around! So, stop rubbing it in my face that you’re some kind of perfect father!”

“I’m not a perfect father!” Maverick shouted out, letting some of his own emotions show. “I let my teenage daughter get knocked up by some dumbass, selfish kid under my own goddamn roof because I was more focused on my career! I let my daughter suffer and stress and agonize over raising her son by herself for sixteen years when I really should have tracked you down and given you the biggest kick in the ass of your life!”

Maverick paused, glaring daggers at Rooster for the first time in . . . ever, really.

“Do you have any idea what you took from her? I love Nickie. I love my grandson with every last bit of my soul and I would do anything for him. I wouldn’t trade him for the world. But do you know what it was like watching Cora struggle? Watching her have to put off college? Watching her go for days, weeks, months with about two hours of sleep a night? Be degraded? Shunned?”

“Why did you pull my papers?” Rooster demanded, causing Maverick to narrow his eyes again. “If you didn’t pull my papers, if you just let me—”

“—I shouldn’t have pulled your papers,” Maverick interjected, causing Rooster to straighten up. “That was wrong and I regret it.” Tilting his chin up slightly, Maverick narrowed his eyes slightly at Rooster. “Do you have any regrets, Bradley?”

“Not with you,” Rooster stated evenly before grinding his teeth together.

“That’s fine,” Maverick replied calmly with narrowed eyes. “But make it right.”

“I don’t need any help or advice from you, Maverick,” Rooster snapped defensively. “You’re the one who pulled my papers and set this whole chain of—”

“—Stop with the fucking excuses, Bradley!” Maverick interjected, losing his composure. “Your dad knocked your mom up and you know what he did? He married her! Bought her a house! He was there with her in the delivery room! He changed diapers, did feedings, all of that! And you couldn’t even open a single goddamn letter or answer one fucking phone call from Cora!”

“So, what?” Bradley scoffed, shaking it off as his emotions got tucked back into that pocket deep in his chest. “You going to tell me that he’d be disappointed in me, Maverick? That my mom would be disappointed in me? Is that what you’re going to do?”

“No,” Maverick stated, staring up at Bradley. “I don’t need to tell you what you already know.”

“Yeah, well, they trusted you, Mav,” Rooster returned fire, flames burning in his belly and in his eyes. Or were those tears? “And look where it got them.” He straightened up to his full height, towering over Maverick. “I won’t make the same mistake.”

The silence after that exchange was absolutely deafening on both sides as Rooster and Maverick simply glared and each other with hurt and anger and heavy emotions ripe in the air. But then the door to the ready room opened and Warlock broke the tension, calling for Maverick.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Epilogue

Tags: @xoxabs88xox @eternallyvenus @mygyn @kmc1989 @thegoddessc @midnightmagpiemama @badasspizzalover @praline357 @oatmealisweird @a-court-of-roscoe-and-baby @abaker74 @avengersfan25 @yogabigooby @daisydaisygoose @sgt-barnesveins @angelbabyange @percysaidnever @artemissunn

(If I forgot you in the tags, don’t be afraid to ask again because I’m definitely scatterbrained when it comes to that but please have a reference to your age somewhere on your blog (bio, pinned post) or just message me!)

[lake-cosay]

Jesslake Demigod/PJO AU

hi so. finally making a real post about this.

i apparently made this au like 2 years ago but the pjo brainrot came back and i've been hyperfixating on this au again. while it does also feature my OCs this post is about the jesslake au

for clarity, this au takes place in the world of the Percy Jackson books, and assumes the canon story of the books is finished. it takes place in about 2020 (pjo canon is currently around 2011 ish). You don't need to have read the books to understand the au (I haven't) but. some knowledge of the universe will definitely help

most of my notes about the au are in the images, but here's a rough timeline of the major events: (it's long)

Jesse is born in 2005. he is raised by his mom and his mortal/adoptive father, whom he knows isn't his bio dad but treats him like it anyways. he doesn't know he's a demigod or who his bio dad is

Lake and Tulip are born in 2006. they both struggle as babies, but Lake much more so; they nearly die. Hephaestus, their father, dips Lake in the River Styx, giving them the Curse of Achilles, though theirs works a little different (more details on that later/in another post)

Hephaestus sends Lake to Camp Half-Blood to be raised there. (Chiron serves as a father figure to Lake, and they actually get along pretty well.) Tulip never finds out she has a twin until she arrives at camp.

Lake lives at CHB their whole life growing up. Sometime around the age of 8-10ish, they encounter the flecs for the first time. In this au, they were people but were cursed to become monsters, and still hunt Lake relentlessly. Lake has a pretty gnarly scar from their first encounter.

When she's 13, Tulip finds out she's a halfblood and is brought to camp (have not figured out how/by who yet, open to ideas). One-one is an automaton her dad built for her, not sure about Atticus.

When they're 13, Lake decides they want to see the world. They leave camp mostly on a whim, but take enough time to pack a bag and leave a note for Chiron asking him not to try and find them. Chiron somehow (through the Oracle, and Apollo kid, idk) divines that Lake will bring another half-blood to camp safely, and he trusts Lake, so he doesn't try to find them.

Lake wanders on foot for about a month, heading southwest. Eventually, they end up in Arizona, where they meet and slowly become friends with Jesse. Jesse's parents are glad he's spending time with someone who's not his other friends, and they let Lake hang out at their house a lot. They (of course) know Jesse's a demigod, and start to suspect Lake might be too. (Lake also starts suspecting about Jesse)

The "man test" (or something very similar) happens after Jesse meets Lake, and Lake is there to witness it. However, Jesse's friends turn out to be monsters (were they monsters the whole time or did other monsters impersonate his friends? i don't know. lol) and Jesse and Lake have to go rescue Nate (from the underworld? from a monster's lair? somewhere else? again, i don't know)

After that quest, Jesse properly arrives at camp, and him and Lake become very close.

There's a small arc with Lake that I'm not sure where it fits, but here's works: the harrasment and attacks from the flecs are getting worse, and somehow during an attack Lake manages to kill them (Lake never wanted to kill them before because they used to be people, and somehow they know they won't come back like other monsters, so killing them is genuinely killing them). Lake still has to grapple with the fact that they were people and they killed them, but also that it was in self defense.

There's another more significant arc for Lake involving Hephaestus. Probably happens 2 ish years after they meet Jesse. Hephaestus... doesn't like Lake. It seems like he always wants Lake to prove themself to him, but Lake refuses. So instead, he forces them, by setting a trap. Lake nearly dies in his trap (a web of hot metal wires that tie them up like they're in a spider web, covering them in deep burns; it makes sense given Hephaestus' other myths I promise), thankfully, Lake is rescued by Tulip and Jesse. However, the whole thing is definitely traumatizing, and really solidifies in Lake that their dad is a fucking asshole. (me and @jesse-cosay wrote a fic of this, we're most likely going to post it soon!) (also, that scars from this are in the drawing, but they don't look as Bad as I want them too, I was struggling with making them look Bad enough)

Lake and Jesse have become friends with my OCs (Rain, child of Hypnos, and Kona, daughter of. Apollo. sort of. not quite. it's complicated. also Kona is Jesse's cousin!) over the past 2 years or so, and when one of them (Rain) ends up in the Underworld, they both go with the other (Kona) to help rescue them (I can definitely elaborate on that if people are interested, but it's very self indulgent lol)

okay, here's some random little things about this au:

Annabeth no longer has the most beads, Lake does. They have 13. Chiron made sure he collected the beads for them since they were brought to camp.

The other main characters are at camp too (mostly). Grace is the daughter of Aphrodite, Simon is the son of Ares, both have them have lived at camp since they were kids. Simon takes after Luke, thinking the gods should be taken down entirely.

Min is an Athena kid and Ryan is an Apollo kid

Alan Dracula is still basically the same. Chiron doesn't know how he can get into camp. Or if he's a monster. He just knows the deer helps protect campers, and that Lake loves him, so he leaves Alan be.

Lake used to have their own room (a repurposed guest room) in the Big House but now stays with Jesse in Cabin 3 (during the summer, the rest of the year they live with him in Arizona)

When Tulip arrived at camp people assumed she was a Demeter kid because of her name, quickly realized she definitely is not a Demeter kid

Lake has kicked Simon's ass in combat numerous times. It's very rare that Simon ever wins against them period. Simon hates Lake with a burning passion. He HATES that the tiny hephaestus kid can beat him up.

Jesse really doesn't like when people call Poseidon his dad, even if he knows it's true, because to him, his dad is Stephen Cosay, a mortal, who helped raise him and whom he loves.

with all that out there, please feel free to ask questions!!! i love this au so much and i would love to talk about it more. my ask box is open!!! or you can reply to this post. i'm going to reblog Yellow's art from this au and make sure it's tagged so you can find it. the tag is #it pjo au

[lemotmo]

I loved Ryan’s answer for the podcast sneak peak. But I’ve also never doubted if Ryan or Oliver wanted buddie to happen. What I am weary about though is now that Buck is official bisexual

They have Ryan in all of these interviews now saying Eddie is hetero (which yes is true they have just never actually had anyone say that out loud until now) and what seems to be almost every episode we see Eddie this season now having sex with a woman or talking about sex with a woman or stills of Eddie kissing women. Hell just two episodes ago we saw Eddie having sex with a woman while he was having lunch with his girlfriend.

Ryan and Oliver are open to it sure but the show itself seems to be driving home a much more pointed look at Eddie with women only narrative.

Hello Nonny! How are you today? I’m having a blast now that fandom life is thriving.

Okay, first of all:

Ryan and Oliver are only talking about Buddie because FINALLY they are allowed to talk about them. I have an inkling that they did want to go the Buddie route years ago (as a natural progression of the bi Buck storyline they were planning around season 4), but they weren’t allowed. That’s the whole reason Oliver stopped talking about them and stopped engaging with the fandom through social media. He didn’t want to mislead people.

Ryan has never been as open as Oliver on social media and some people saw this as ‘evidence’ that he didn’t want to talk about Buddie because he didn’t want to do it. I never thought about it in this way, because Ryan is obviously a lot more private than Oliver when it comes to social media. To me, it was always more a case of ‘it isn’t that he doesn’t want it, but that he just doesn’t want to talk about it.’ To him it was probably a non-issue because (as we found out a couple of weeks ago) Fox didn’t want the storyline to happen. There was no way to make it happen and he let it go. But he also, has always maintained that he was open to the storyline if it would ever come up. Basically the only thing they were allowed to say.

Second:

Of course Ryan is saying that ‘right now’ Eddie is heterosexual, because he is. He has only been with women at this point, not with a lot of success, mind you. But keep in mind that only two months ago Buck was also heterosexual as far as we knew. Some of us had headcanons that he was bisexual, but as long as it wasn’t stated or shown in the show, it was only that.

Now take a look at Eddie. He has only been with women, but some people stll have headcanons that he is also bisexual or even gay. I myself like to think that he is demisexual. But these are headcanons right now. As long as it isn’t stated or shown in the show, it is only that.

So, Buck was very heterosexual for many seasons, having many girlfriends. No sign of any interest in men, only some very heavy subtextual signs maybe. Then, in one single episode, BOOM he is outed as a bisexual.

So, Eddie is very heterosexual. Has been for many seasons now, having a (sadly deceased) wife and two girlfriends (no, I’m not counting Kim at this point, because we don’t know where this storyline is going). No signs of any interest in men, only some very heavy subtextual signs maybe.

Then, possibly, in one single episode (or many episodes, because I feel like Eddie will need a lot more time), somewhere in the future, maybe season 8, he is outed as a bisexual man/gay man/demisexual man/…

What would be the difference? I tell you what it is. There is no difference. It is literally the same thing.

Third:

Eddie having a lot of sex with women, kissing women…

First of all, have you met Buck? Do you remember that, from season 1 up until season 6, he had a ton of sex and kissed many women. How very hetero of him. But low and behold, in season 7 he comes out as bisexual and gets to enjoy even more kisses and sex. This time with a man.

So, what is so different about Eddie? Yes, he has a much more complicated relationship with sex than Buck, especially casual sex. Eddie has been shown as someone who only has sex within a relationship (for now we don’t know if he slept with Kim, so I’m leaving her out of this for a moment). He obviously liked sex with Shannon, but with Ana there were a lot of problems. We never even saw them kissing and he got actual panic attacks. He seems to enjoy sex with Marisol up to a certain point, but when it gets to be too much (with the whole Catholic guilt thing), he runs away to Buck’s loft. Very ‘heterosexual’ of him by the way. 0_O

I’m going to quote @buddiebeginz here, because she said something really interesting when we were talking about this topic earlier:

“I don’t think it’s so much that the show is trying to drive home how straight Eddie is but rather what we’re seeing and feeling is Eddie trying to fit some role. And I do feel like some of this is connected to Buck coming out to Eddie, Eddie having spent time with Tommy, Eddie seeing Buck and Tommy together, Eddie seeing Buck come out to everyone. There’s a reason why we haven’t previously seen Eddie with women as often in the show, especially when it comes to sex. In fact before this season I think we only really saw him in bed with Shannon which is another reason I think he’s trying to push himself right now with Marisol.

I also think that’s part of why the stuff with Shannon is coming back up. I think Eddie is pushing himself with Marisol like he did with Ana deluding himself into thinking it’s what he wants because it’s what he thinks he’s supposed to have. But because he’s not happy he latches on to what is familiar which is the only love he ever knew which is Shannon.”

So basically it’s almost as if he is pushing himself to ‘fit’ into a mold that hasn’t felt ‘right’ for a very long time now.

His life is unravelling as we speak and pretty soon he is going to hit rock bottom, nowhere left to hide. It’s only then that he’ll be forced to look at his life, the decisions he made and the way he forced himself to get out there and find a new wife and ‘mother’ for Chris.

In an earlier interview Ryan said that Eddie was going to feel isolated by the end of season 7, going into season 8. But eventually he would recover and get a fresh start in life. It would only make narrative sense to naturally progress the story they have been telling for almost six seasons now, Eddie’s perfect partner isn’t a woman at all. It’s Buck. Just as Buck’s perfect partner has been Eddie all along.

Ryan literally said that 'If we live in the truth, whatever happens, happens.' That is not the answer of someone shutting down the ship forever, or shutting down speculation. That is the answer of someone who is more than willing to go there and sees a potential future there for his character.

Right now he is giving the same answers Oliver is. Answers about not wanting to stereotype, how Buddie should happen 'naturally' if it were to happen. I'm almost certain that they sat together in a room with Tim and PR people somewhere before season 7 and post Buck's bisexual outing and agreed on the same vague but honest Buddie answers. The fact that ABC is actively allowing all of these Buddie questions during interviews and Buddie articles is wild. Fox would have never!

Not to mention the show itself. They made the very interesting choice to consistently put Eddie in the Buck/Tommy narrative. He keeps popping up where they are. There is most certainly a reason for that. We'll just have to let the story play out to see what that reason was.

Look, my point is that they’ll get there in the end. Sure, it will take some time, but we've been waiting for so many years now. What's another year? I’m more than willing to wait a little longer. The pay-off will be incredible.

[lostlegendaerie]

Fuck it! US Private Student Loans Guide!

DISCLAIMER: while I have worked in private loans specifically for five+ years, this isn't ‘financial’ advice and is just a heavily summarized guide on how to navigate them. Yes, these loans suck, but complain to your legislators not me. I’m just trying to help you know what you’re doing. Additional info for each section is under the cut!

1) Who are you and who are all the companies constantly running around with my money?

I work in loan SERVICING, which is basically the billing department. If you’ve got a new company asking you for money, it's probably a new servicer and your debt is still owned by the bank. We enforce the terms in the promissory note, the document you sign telling the bank “yeah I'll play by your rules if you give me the money.” If your loan defaults, you’ll get contacted by a third (fourth?) party, but how that works is beyond my wheelhouse. The bank or your servicer should be able to confirm what happens in case of default.

2) What am I looking for in a ‘good’ loan?

Generally, you’re going to want SIMPLE instead of compound interest, a FIXED RATE opposed to a variable one, and you’ll want to go for FULL DEFERMENT while in school and make manual payments when you can. Also ask up front about stuff like if disability forgiveness or co-signer release (getting your parents off it) is offered.

3) This loan sucks! How do I make it better?

Student loans are NOTORIOUSLY hard to get out of, unfortunately. If the interest rate/payment relief options suck, you can try to REFINANCE where you take out a new loan to pay off the old one. This gives you a new promissory note, interest rate, and terms/conditions. If you’re trying to erase the debt entirely, ask for the promissory note (if they can't provide a copy, we have to forgive the debt. I've only seen this happen ONCE.) or try to go through social security disability.

DO NOT USE FREEDOM DEBT RELIEF OR OTHER SERVICES. DO NOT. THEY ARE SCAMS.

More in depth information for each point!

1) Lenders and Servicers

The lender is the person who provides the funds in the debt - the bank who pays the school or the hospital or the home contractor fixing your sink. The servicer is the company that is your point of contact when you need to make payments, ask for payment relief, or otherwise manage the loan that exists. Think of us as the mechanic (we keep the car running) where the bank is the manufacturer (they make the car). Some different servicers are SoFi, Zuntafi, Great Lakes, Nelnet and Firstmark Services; their names will be on the billing statements. Some different banks are Citizens, US Bank, NorthStar; their names will be on the promissory note and the disclosures.

Sometimes banks do sell the debt, however! A couple years ago Wells Fargo sold an enormous chunk of their loans off somewhere (an investment group, maybe?) but! The promissory note will still be the EXACT same if your debt gets sold. You’ll only get a new promissory note if you refinance the loan yourself.

2a) Interest Accrual and Rates

Interest is how banks profit off the loans they give out and/or ‘ensure they don't end up with a loss if the loan defaults’. (It's profit.) Most, but not all, loans calculate interest with the simple daily interest formula, shown below:

[(Current loan balance) x (interest rate)] divided by 365

If your loan’s balance is $10,000 and your interest rate is 6% you’ll be charged $1.64 each day. SIMPLE INTEREST means that this interest just kind of floats around on the account until a payment comes in and pays it off, where COMPOUND adds that interest to the balance at the end of the month/day/whatever. Compound charges you more over the life of the loan.

FIXED INTEREST is a set percent that doesn't change, where VARIABLE will change usually based on whatever the economy is doing. There’s a minimum and maximum value to the variable interest rates, so if you’re doing a variable ASK WHAT THE MINS AND MAXES ARE. A fixed rate might be 8% and a variable might be 3.25% the day you take it out, but that variable could have a maximum interest rate of 25% so be VERY, VERY CAREFUL. If you get stuck in a real bad variable interest rate, your best solution is probably a refinance.

2b) Deferment and Payment Allocation

So interest is gonna be accruing on your loan from the day the money leaves the bank. Sucks. And you may not be able to make payments while you're in school, so opting to DEFER your payments will stop them from billing you so you can skip a month or whatever without penalty. At the END of that deferment, though, whatever interest that accrued will be added to your current balance. If we use the example from above (10k loan with 1.64 daily interest) four years of school will add $2,400 to your balance and then your daily interest will jump up to $2.03 a day.

Solution? Make payments of what you can while you’re in school to chip away at that floating interest. Usually when you make a payment, it’s gonna go towards the interest first and then the rest drops the balance. (E.g. if you make a $20.00 payment ten days after your loan is disbursed, $16.40 will go towards interest and $3.60 towards your 10k balance). There is NO PENALTY for making extra payments or making early payments, but it might make your bills look a little weird if you’re being billed each month for just the interest.

3) Why are these loans so horrible? Can’t I find anything to help me?

Blame Reagan and the republicans who enabled him.

No, but really. The problem with these loans is that those promissory notes are VERY legally binding and have lots of fine print in there designed to make it as hard as possible for someone to skimp out on their debt without having their credit score decimated. Some lenders might even dip into your paychecks if you're crazy behind or default; again, that's not my wheelhouse and I've only maybe seen that once. Your best bet is just to pay it off as fast as possible (again, no penalty for paying the loan off early) or refinance into better terms.

And I get it. I really do. I hate how we’ve made so many incredibly important things in our society locked behind a paywall that charges poor people more to climb than the rich. But if you’ve made it this far, please don't turn your anger at me for not giving you the answers you want. The best I can do is vote for people who are willing to crack down on predatory lending, keep fighting for student loan forgiveness… and at my own job, make sure that my coworkers aren't making mistakes.

If you have a more specific question, I can try to answer as best I can without breaking any information privacy laws. And take care, okay? You are never fighting alone.