#probably gonna post this on Ao3 when I get the chance to edit

[f1-stuff]

Girl dad Carlos please! I miss that fic so much 🥲

Okay. So.

I mustered up the energy to write a little vignette of this AU bc I also miss it and bc I didn't want to leave you two hanging! This is skipping ahead quite a bit to halfway through the season, but I'm still planning on writing and fleshing out that portion. I've just known for a while that this was gonna be an important part of the story and that I could jump into writing it right away!

It will probably be edited and adjusted for when the actual chapter is posted on ao3, but this is the 'rough draft' I guess! (Disclaimer: I know zero French and I haven’t had someone look over that bit yet!)

Anyway, enjoyyyy...

When there’s a knock on his door about two weeks into the summer break, his brain doesn’t compute for a full minute after he’s opened it.

Because why would Charles, his teammate, be here? In Spain? At his apartment? During their summer holiday, when they’re supposed to be ignoring any and all people and things related to F1, recharging their batteries, and remembering there’s more to life than racing cars? He and Charles have barely ever even texted during the summer break, let alone seen one another. So, again, why would Charles be at his front door.

Also, he’s a bit sleep deprived and delirious, so there’s every chance he’s hallucinating this.

“Uh...” he says, rather eloquently.

“Hey,” Charles says. And there’s a tentative smile on his face that Carlos can’t even begin to parse the meaning of. His brain isn’t just one step behind, it’s five steps. “Can...I come in?”

“Oh.” Again. Eloquent, Sainz. “Eh- yeah. Yes. Come in.”

“Sorry to stop by without a warning,” Charles is saying. But Carlos is too busy looking around in barely disguised panic at the absolute trash heap that is his home.

It’s not that he didn’t realize how much of a mess the apartment was before, but he sees it now through Charles’ eyes and feels a little like curling up and dying. There are bowls of half eaten food and dirty dishes piled in and around the sink. Various toys, games, books, and drawings are strewn over almost every surface, along with clothes (mostly socks, so many socks) littering the floor. Boxes and boxes of Lucy’s things that he hasn’t had time to sort through are stacked against the walls and in the corners. One of the only exposed walls by the couch has colorful marker all over it, Ana having done that particular masterpiece when he’d accidentally nodded off during Peppa Pig. (He’d been too tired to even properly get angry about it, which was perhaps a bad precedent to set if he didn’t want a repeat performance.)

It looks like a tornado has swept through his apartment. A tornado named Ana.

Not that Charles is much neater on a good day, and he doesn’t even have a kid as an excuse. But Carlos has a feeling that if this is the current state of his apartment, the state of his own appearance is probably no better. He hasn’t properly showered, shaved, or slept in days, and he doesn’t think he’s looked in the mirror in all that time either. For all he knows, he’s still got remnants of the braids Ana put in his hair yesterday. He certainly can’t remember taking them out...

Charles, on the other hand, looks fresh and groomed and sunkissed - everything Carlos would expect during the summer break.

He smells good, he thinks, unbidden. Then, immediately, Stop it.

Charles takes in the space around them, his eyes eventually settling on Carlos with an amused (and maybe slightly concerned) expression. But just as he’s opening his mouth to speak, there’s the sound of the bathroom door opening down the hall and the smattering of tiny feet running across the floor, before Ana declares in her tiny, yet surprisingly bold voice, “I didn’t have a diarrhea!”

Carlos doesn’t even have enough shame left to be embarrassed by his kid. His first instinct is just relief.

“Stomach virus,” he mumbles to Charles, by way of explanation. Then, to Ana, in Spanish, “That’s great, mi niña! Did you wash your hands?”

“Yeeeees!”

“Are you sure?”

“Uh-huh!”

“Good, because we, eh- we have a guest!”

It’s quiet for a moment, before Ana’s head pokes around the corner slowly. But her face lights up as soon as she sees who it is.

“Cha!” she shouts, but then immediately looks embarrassed by her own show of excitement.

“Coucou, Ana,” Charles says, amused. He kneels down and encourages Ana closer, accepting the tentative hug she gives him.

No matter how much they had bonded last time, it’s still been a while since they’ve seen one another, and some of Ana’s shyness has clearly returned. Still, it’s huge that she’s even initiated a hug, and Carlos feels a telltale twinge in his sternum at the image they both make.

“As-tu été bon pour papa?” Charles asks, cuffing her gently on the chin. Ana grins and nods. “J'ai un cadeau pour toi.”

Charles reaches into a bag that Carlos hadn’t even noticed he’d been carrying until he’d set it down to hug Ana, and he pulls out a pink rectangular thing, that Carlos squints in confusion at for a beat. He realizes what it is simultaneously with Charles’ next words.

“C'est une caméra. Pour que tu prennes des photos de ton papa.”

It’s a pink camera for kids, a unicorn adorning the front where the lens peeks out. Carlos almost rolls his eyes - of course Charles, with his recent photography kick, gifts his kid a camera. But the way Ana’s expression transforms with wonder as Charles demonstrates to her how it works is pretty precious.

Charles hands it over to her and she immediately points it at him. He pulls a silly expression, making her giggle. They both examine the photo, heads bowed close. Ana points it up at Carlos next.

“¡Sonríe, papá!”

He sticks out his tongue and her little finger presses the capture button. The joy on her face as the photo pops up on the screen, tilting it to show them even though it’s upside down, fills Carlos with so much warmth and love that he legitimately almost tears up.

God, he’s so freaking tired.

Ana bounds off to her room to gather her stuffed toys to take a ‘family picture,’ and Charles straightens back up, smile lingering on his cheeks even after Ana has disappeared down the hall.

Carlos wants to kiss him so bad. Becoming a father has turned him into such a sap.

“Ehm,” he clears his throat. “Thank you. That was- a nice gift.”

“No problems.”

“You know, you don’t have to buy her something every time you see her,” he says, humor lacing his words.

“I want to,” Charles insists, simply. They smile awkwardly for an extended beat, listening to the sounds of Ana down the hall in her room, talking to her animals. Charles’ eyes stray to his hair. “You have...something in your hair. Is that a braid-?”

“What are you doing here, Charles?” he asks, choosing to ignore the comment. “I thought you would be in Corsica, or somewhere.”

“I was. But I heard you and Ana had to cancel on the trip to Mallorca and-”

“Heard, how?” Charles looks sheepish, triggering his suspicion. So he repeats it. “Heard, how, Charles?”

“Your mum texted me-” 

He sighs, eyes shutting briefly in frustration. He wishes his mom would just stay out of this whole- thing with Charles. But, clearly, she knew he wouldn’t accept help from anyone else. And that he wouldn’t be able to turn Charles away…

“She didn’t tell me to come,” Charles rushes to say. “She was just worried because you refused to let her stay and help, and that you hadn’t found a sitter, or someone, yet. So I just offered-”

“Charles, please...” He breaks off with another sigh, rubbing his temples to stave off the oncoming headache. But it’s already too late, if the subtle pulsating pain, slowly increasing in intensity, is anything to go by. “You should not have come.”

“Carlos, don’t be stupid,” he scoffs. “Anyway, I am here.” And he supposes that’s true. Nothing can be done about it now. “You look tired.”

He huffs a small laugh, dropping his hands from his temples to meet Charles’ gaze.

“This is what someone looks like when their kid catches a stomach virus and then they catch that same virus from their kid, just when their kid is starting to feel better-”

“Why didn’t you let your mum help-?”

“I’m her dad,” he interrupts, breathing hard. But he softens his voice with his next words. “I can do this on my own. I just wanted to...”

He doesn’t really know how to finish that sentence, though. It sounds stubborn and stupid when he starts to say it out loud. None of this should be about him. It’s about Ana. And if he’d really needed help, he should’ve asked for it. For her.

Charles seems to know that he doesn’t have to say it - that Carlos is already thinking it. So, instead, he just claps a hand to his shoulder and squeezes.

“I think,” he says, “-you should get some rest.”

“Charles-”

“No, I’m serious. Go to your room, Mister Sainz.” A slow grin pulls over his features. And along with the genuine concern in his eyes, it’s almost enough to break through Carlos’ resolve. “You are exhausted. Ana will be fine - I will watch her. Just...rest for a minute. Okay? You don’t look like yourself.”

And he knows that must be true. He knows that he needs a lot more than just a few hours of sleep to feel somewhere close to normal again (a shower would be a good start). But it’s hard to even think of himself when he’s been so worried about Ana for days - researching how to get her fever to die down, trying to get her to drink fluids, watching her fitful face in sleep, his heart in his throat despite how the pediatrician had assured him she’d be fine.

But, then, he’d gotten sick, too. And instead of focusing on his own recovery, he’d had to fit in sessions of retching over the toilet in between caring for his kid and making sure she was properly fed. And the two of them had managed, even if it wasn’t ideal. They’d grown closer, he thought, by virtue of her needing him so much.

He couldn’t keep it together forever, though. Eventually, if he didn’t take a break, he’d fall apart completely.

It takes him a stubborn moment, the urge to argue bubbling up inside despite how glorious resting his head on a pillow sounds. But eventually he nods, releasing a breath he didn’t know he was holding.

“Thank you.”

Charles just looks at him with a mixture of fondness and exasperation. “You are welcome, Carlos. Now, go. You look like you are going to fall over at any moment.”

“I feel like I’m going to fall over at any moment.”

Charles laughs under his breath, pushing Carlos’ shoulder gently to aim him toward the hallway. “Well, fall over into bed, then.”

“I’m going,” he insists, letting his tired limbs and the heavy touch of Charles at his shoulder guide him toward his room.

He can deal with how insane this situation is - Charles showing up here, and what the hell it means that he’d come at all - once he’s had some sleep. For now, he’ll happily take it for granted.

He doesn’t even really remember climbing into bed before the exhaustion takes over, his body surrendering to fatigue now that he knows his kid’s in good hands. Trustworthy hands. Charles’ hands.

He thinks he can hear the faint sounds of their French floating down the hallway. It makes him smile with the last vestiges of energy he has left.

God, he is in so over his head.

----

WIP ask game

Link to fic on ao3 -> (x)

[supernova-stardust]

A Habit to Kick (The Age-Old Curse)

A few weeks ago, Regulus Black jumped off a bridge. It's not that he really wanted to die, but he didn't really want to live either. He didn't think anyone would care one way or another, if he's honest. Now he's stuck learning how to live.

James Potter was used to seeing Reg every day at the cafe he worked in, until one day he stopped coming in. When he finally sees the guy he's been crushing on come back into the cafe, he knew he had to take his chance at asking him out on a date.

***This fic deals with heavy themes of depression, lack of a will to live, and suicide, but will have a happy ending***

wip, word count: 6,163, jegulus end game, established wolfstar

read on ao3 or the first full chapter after the break

(I posted about half of this chapter, unedited, earlier this week on this account as a teaser, but this is the full chapter and has been fully edited - expect sporadic updates of this fic posted here and on ao3.)

Regulus thought he knew loneliness before, but nothing prepared him for the emptiness that he was left with upon returning home after his hospitalization. One of the stipulations of his discharge was that he couldn’t stay home alone for the first couple of weeks and so his older brother, Sirius, trailed through the door behind him with a gym bag full of clothes and other things he deemed necessary. He closed the door to Regulus’ apartment behind him then dropped the bag on the floor next to him as he kicked off his combat boots. Regulus stared at the mismatched socks on his feet, one green and one blue, and wondered if there would ever be a time when he learned to care so little about details like that. Where Sirius learned to care less about what other people think about him and the way he presented himself, Regulus internalized perfection in every facet of his life. 

“I’m gonna take a shower,” Regulus said as he turned away and walked further into his apartment that felt less like home than it ever did. He couldn’t say that he found comfort in the hospital, far from it, but something about his stay made everything here feel less and less like his.

“Reggie,” Sirius’ voice was thick with concern as he hung his leather jacket on the hook in the entryway. “Can’t we just chill for a bit first? Maybe watch a movie or something?”

“I’m not gonna kill myself in the shower, Sirius,” he shot over his shoulder and kept walking towards the bathroom. “But I might if I don’t wash the filth from the hospital off my skin.”

Sirius stormed up behind him and grabbed his shoulder, whipping him around to look him in the eye. “Don’t fucking joke like that. Not yet. I really thought I lost you, you know.” His eyes welled with tears and his face paled. Before Regulus could comprehend what was happening, he was being pulled into a tight embrace. He was pretty sure he’s been hugged more times in the past few weeks than he ever had in his entire life.

Regulus found himself rubbing Sirius’ back, internally cringing at the idea of soothing his brother when he was the one who was pushed so far by the demands of his everyday life that he opted to end it. “I promise to stop making jokes about killing myself for one week if you let me go take a shower, deal?”

“Leave the door open?” Sirius asked as he pulled away and wiped away the tears that had spilled down his cheeks.

“If it’ll make you feel better, sure.”

“It will.”

“Fine,” Regulus agreed as he walked down the hall to the bathroom. He shucked off his clothes and tossed them into the hamper. The hoodie and sweats were clean just a couple of hours ago, but he smelled so strongly of hospital and sanitizer that he deemed them dirty already. He would probably need to wash them multiple times before he’d be able to get the smell fully out of them and even then, he wasn’t sure that he wanted to see those particular clothes ever again. 

He scrubbed at his skin, washing himself at least a half a dozen times before his skin turned pink and he decided that he smelled enough like his typical cedar and sea salt soap to be considered clean. His hair is next. The hospital-provided 3-in-1 product had caused his usual soft waves to matte and lay flat on his head, so he took his time scrubbing with his shampoo a few times. When he deemed his hair finally clean, he slathered more conditioner than he would typically ever use and gently detangled his curls with his fingers. With his hair smooth and his fingers pruned, he finally turned off the water and wrapped a towel around his waist.

He nearly tripped over Sirius sitting on the floor with his back against the wall as he stepped out of the bathroom. Sirius banged his head on the wall when he looked up at Regulus with a sheepish smile, one leg bent close to his body and the other outstretched across the narrow hallway. “Sorry, I was worried.”

“Are you gonna be like this the whole time?”

“At least for a few weeks,” he folded his arms and tucked both legs up towards his body then rested his cheek on his arms as he looked up at his younger brother. “I’m a bit clingy now, Moony has encouraged my bad behavior and I’m afraid you can’t teach an old dog new tricks.”

“You’re literally 28, you’re not old.”

Sirius barked a laugh and tucked his feet under himself so he could stand up. “You’re my favorite brother.”

“I’m your only brother,” Regulus deadpanned as he walked past Sirius to his bedroom so he could put on a fresh change of clothes. 

When Sirius had started dating Remus, or Moony as he tended to call him, Regulus knew their parents wouldn’t be happy, but he hadn’t thought it would change the trajectory of all of their lives. Sirius had decided to show their parents, rather than tell them, about his new boyfriend by bringing him home for Sunday dinner. Growing up Catholic, Sundays were a day reserved for devotion to God and family. Sirius was in college, Regulus a senior in high school still living at home, and had told their parents that he had been seeing someone special for a few months. Their parents invited Sirius and “the lovely lady” for dinner and instead it was Remus who walked through the door with his fingers interlaced with Sirius’. That was the most tense and silent meal that had ever occurred at the Black household. 

When Sirius had returned home for the summer, their parents gave him an ultimatum: conversion therapy or be disowned. Sirius had packed his bags that night. 

Regulus hadn’t heard from Sirius for a few months after that. He got accepted into his first choice college and tried to distract himself with schoolwork. He avoided getting close with any of his classmates and did his best to make himself scarce when his dorm mate, Evan, was around. He’d go into a local cafe with his noise canceling headphones and bury himself in studying while drinking more coffee than was probably healthy. On one of those days, Sirius had plopped himself in the seat across from him and glowered. His hair was longer, half of it pulled away from his face in a messy bun, and he had a few tattoos visible on his neck, collarbone, and knuckles. 

“Why haven’t you been answering my texts or calls?” Sirius had asked when Regulus wrenched his headphones away from his ears. 

“The fuck? You’re the one not answering me.” Regulus had slammed his laptop shut and returned the glare that Sirius was giving him. 

Turned out, their parents had blocked the brothers from being able to communicate. When Regulus had confronted them about it, they claimed it was for Regulus’ own good. They didn’t want their ‘only son to be influenced by sinners.’ At that, Regulus had laughed and said that he’d known he was gay since he was a child. He hadn’t spoken to his parents since. Their Uncle Alphard had taken pity on the brothers and helped them both to survive since being disowned.

“What movie do you want to watch?” Sirius yelled from outside his bedroom, pulling him from his thoughts.

“Do you really have to ask?” Regulus tugged his shirt on as he shouted back, annoyed at even being asked when Sirius already knew the answer.

He heard Sirius groan before he yelled back, “don’t you ever get sick of watching 10 Things I Hate About You ?”

“No, actually.” Regulus said flatly, walking into the living room to see Sirius sitting on the couch fiddling with the remote. “There’s something soothing about watching Patrick fuck up so royally and still win the girl at the end.”

“You need more therapy.”

“Obviously. Now put the movie on, I’ll make popcorn.”

***

In the morning, Regulus went through his morning routine and felt his nerves settle for the first time in weeks. The thing no one talked about when you’re hospitalized is how disrupted your everyday life is. Obviously, there’s the whole ‘in the hospital’ bit, but it was the little routines that calmed Regulus’ nerves. With his particular brand of mental illness, they always tried to disrupt his routines. Exposure therapy or something, they said. He thought it was bullshit. 

And so he found comfort in waking up at exactly seven, stretching for fifteen minutes, brushing his teeth, showering, and being meticulous about his skincare and styling his hair. All of the little things that he had taken for granted in his daily life that suddenly became impossible to uphold when other people were checking in on him and watching his every move. He got dressed in an over-sized burgundy knit sweater and black trousers and grabbed his bag. Pulling out his headphones, he slipped them around his neck, then double checked that his laptop was safely inside and headed towards the living area towards the front door. Sirius was laying on the couch with blankets wrapped tightly around his body but surprisingly, was awake and staring at his phone.

“Didn’t think you’d be awake yet,” he said to Sirius as he grabbed his favorite black oxfords and slid them on.

Sirius grunted sleepily in response. “Didn’t get much sleep, if I’m honest. Your couch sucks.”

“You don’t have to stay,” Regulus said blandly. “I know they said I couldn’t be alone, but I’m fine—”

“Reggie, I’m staying.”

“You really don’t need to.”

“Me staying is the only reason you were allowed to leave, you know that. You were at that meeting.”

“Fine,” Regulus relented, knowing that arguing with Sirius was like arguing with a brick wall. “I’m going out, I’ll be gone for a few hours. Do you want coffee when I come back?”

“Are you going to Galactic Grounds?”

“I go there every day, Sirius. They’re the only place that makes good coffee around here.” Plus the guy who worked there was cute as hell, but Regulus refused to say that part out loud to his older brother. “Do you want coffee or not?”

“Yeah, I’d love coffee. Text me when you get there?”

“Sirius—”

“And when you’re headed home? I promise I’ll chill out in a few days, just humor me. Please?”

“Fine, bye.”

“Love you, Reggie.”

“Love you, Sirius.”

***

As he made his way into the cafe, Regulus pulled his headphones down to hang around his neck. The shop was generally pretty quiet, but the whirring of machines and general chatter were enough to make him flinch anyway. He stood in line, waiting as patiently as possible and mindlessly scrolling on his phone. When he looked up and glanced behind the counter, he saw the cute guy who always makes his coffee just right. James.

James looked up from the machine where he was steaming milk and fumbled the little metal pitcher. The smile on his face lit up the entire shop. “Reg, hey!” James seemingly abandoned the steaming milk to stare at him until the customer at the front of the line cleared their throat. James’ cheeks turned red from embarrassment as he apologized to the customer and then directed himself back at Regulus. “Can you stay so we can catch up?”

“Uh, yeah, sure. I’ll be here for a while. I’ve got a lot of work to catch up on.” He really didn’t. The novel he had been working on wasn’t exactly going anywhere. Besides, his and Sirius’ Uncle Alphard made sure that all of their needs were met, so ‘work’ wasn’t exactly a necessity. It was just something to keep himself busy and to take his mind off things. ‘Things’ mostly being coping with mental illness and childhood trauma, if he’s honest. 

Regulus started to pull out his wallet to pay for the coffee when James stopped him. “Nah,” he said. “On the house. It’s just a black coffee, Reg.”

Regulus cringed a bit at feeling like he owed back a favor, but tried to shake the feeling. This was something they had worked on extensively in group therapy; sometimes people just wanted to do nice things for you. Let them. And so he thanked James, picked up the coffee, and brought it over to his usual table in the corner. He settled into the comfortable booth and pulled out his laptop, staring at the screen asking for his password while he processed the fact that James wanted to catch up with him. Catch up? They had never even had a conversation beyond simple pleasantries.

He moved to readjust his headphones over his ears when he noticed James throwing his apron on the rack near the bar and striding over to where he’s seated.

“Hey,” James said as he noisily pulled a chair out so he could sit. As he sat, he scooched himself in, the chair dragged and screeched the whole time. Regulus did his best not to make an expression at the sounds, but clearly his face betrayed him because James quickly apologized, his cheeks slightly pink.

“Hi,” Regulus tentatively replied. The rehearsed small talk and polite niceties are fine for transactional interactions, but sitting here with James staring at him? He felt exposed and unsure of himself. “So,” he tried. “What’s up?”

“Not much,” James grinned. “How about you? You usually come in daily and I haven’t seen you for weeks. Did you do anything fun? I missed seeing you.” 

Regulus flinched at that. Of course sweet, wholesome James would immediately want to know what fun and exciting things he got up to while he was away. It would never even cross his mind that Regulus had disappeared because he tried to kill himself, jumping off a nearby bridge into the river. He’d been hospitalized for weeks. “No,” Regulus said in as level of a tone as he could manage. “I didn’t do anything fun, but I did do lots of crafts.”

“Oh, uh— Okay. That’s cool. I didn’t know you were crafty.”

“I’m not.”

James stared at him in confusion before laughing, bright and carefree. “Fuck, you’re funny Reg. I don’t even think you mean to be.”

“Look, I do have a lot of work to do—”

“Sorry, yeah. My break is almost over too, but I just wanted to… I know this isn’t professional or anything, and honestly I’ve been avoiding it because I know this is a weird dynamic where I make you the perfect coffee every day and you don’t wanna lose that in case it goes poorly, but I’ve been wanting to ask you out for a while and just— You not being around for a bit made me worried I wouldn’t get a chance to ask you again, so while I still have the guts, will you let me take you out sometime?”

“You want to go out on a date… with me?” Regulus had never heard anything more ridiculous in his life. This sunshine golden retriever of a man wanted to take him out on a date? 

“I mean— Sorry if I read you wrong, if you’re not interested in guys, or uh… me, that’s cool. I’ll keep making your perfect coffee and no harm done. I just figured I’d shoot my shot, y’know?”

“I am— Interested. In guys.” Regulus paused for a moment, feeling awkward and unsure of himself. He hasn’t had anyone ask him out on a proper date before. Typically, he just went about things the old fashioned way: dating apps and swiping until he found a reasonable match. It never went well enough for a second date, but it never went poorly enough that it stopped him from the cycle either. When he looked at James, he realized that he hadn’t explained that he wanted to go on the date. “I’m interested in you too,” he quickly added. “I’ve always thought you were cute, I just didn’t want to make you uncomfortable at work.”

James beamed then handed him his phone. “Can you enter your number? I’ll text you and we can make more concrete plans?”

At first, Regulus was shocked by the casualness at which James just… handed him his phone. Then he realized that James probably never had parents who pried or jealous ex boyfriends who demanded to read every text exchange. He entered his phone number in a new text and texted himself the star emoji so that he had James’ number too and handed back his phone.

James glanced at his phone and then asked, “Why the star emoji?”

“For my name.”

James stared at him in confusion, but as he opened his mouth to ask he heard his co-worker calling out for him to come back from his break. “Fuck, I’m late. Sorry—”

“Go, James.”

“Yeah, I’ll text you later okay?”

“Okay.” Regulus smiled softly as he watched James stand up from the chair across from him and rush back to his place behind the bar. He swore under his breath as he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket, knowing that it was probably Sirius freaking out even though they’ve shared their locations for years now. Fishing out his phone, he rolled his eyes as he read the text.

[Sirius]: i know you’re at galactic

[Regulus]: then you really didn’t need me to text you when i got here did you?

[Sirius]: whatever. 

[Sirius]: don’t stay too long, you have therapy later

[Sirius]: and remember to bring me back coffee

[Sirius]: why don’t you have a coffee maker at your apartment anyway?

[Regulus]: i literally come here every day, i don’t need a coffee maker when i pay for it to be made for me

[Sirius]: spoiled brat

[Regulus]: whatever, i’ll be back in an hour with coffee in hand

[Sirius]: you’re my favorite brother

[Regulus]: still your only brother

Regulus pulled his headphones over his ears and hit play on his favorite writing playlist before he placed his phone face down on the table. He typed in the password on his laptop and opened the file for his novel and just… stared at it. He pretended to read it while he sipped his coffee, but all thoughts in his head circled back to James. After about fifteen minutes, his cup was empty and he had written absolutely nothing. He gingerly closed his laptop and packed it away, deciding that his time would be better spent at home than trying to pretend that he wasn’t staring at James every chance he found.

He went up to the counter and pulled his headphones off when James came over with a questioning look. “Are you done working already?” he asked.

“Couldn’t focus,” Regulus answered softly. “Can I get another coffee to go, but with cream and sugar?”

“Have you decided that you finally have taste buds?” James joked as he began making the coffee.

“Very funny,” Regulus snarked back. “No, my brother is staying with me for a bit, so I’m bringing this back for him.”

“Oh that’s nice, is he visiting from out of town?” James placed the coffee on the counter in front of him.

Regulus hoped that his flinch wasn't noticeable. He didn’t know why he couldn’t seem to have a filter around James. Usually, he’d avoid giving any details of his life to anyone. The less they knew, the easier interactions were. The less they knew, the less he had to work to figure out how to phrase things so no one suspects anything was wrong with him. “No, he lives nearby. He’s just staying at my place for a few weeks.”

“You two must be close then,” James said. 

Regulus wasn’t sure if he was supposed to answer that, so he shrugged vaguely before he placed enough cash on the counter to cover both this and his own coffee from earlier, plus a generous tip. “See you tomorrow,” he shot over his shoulder as he headed out the door.

***

“You’re back earlier than I expected,” Sirius said when he came in the door. Regulus kicked off his shoes and padded his way into the living room where Sirius was still lounging on the couch, exactly where he left him. He handed him the coffee and sat on the couch next to him, shoving his legs out of the way to make room. “You told me you’d text me when you were on your way back.”

“I mean, I really didn’t.” Regulus groaned as he leaned back into the sofa and stared at the ceiling. “You coerced me with guilt to agree to text you against my will.”

“What else are brothers for if not to guilt each other?” Sirius asked as he took a sip of the coffee and practically moaned into the cup. “Fuck, that place makes the best coffee.”

“James,” Regulus said towards the ceiling.

“Huh?”

“James makes the best coffee. He gave me his number today.”

“Oh shit, is that the cute guy with the glasses?”

“Aren’t you happily committed to Remus?”

“That doesn’t mean I don’t have eyes,” Sirius said. “Are you gonna go on a date with him?”

“Do you really think I should?” Regulus asked. “I don’t exactly have my shit together, what with just trying to kill myself and all.”

“Who cares? If he’s the right guy, he won’t care if you have your shit together.” Sirius answered. “I’ve never had my shit together and Remus still loves me. It’s worth a shot.”

Before Regulus could answer, he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. Sirius put his coffee down and stared at him expectantly. 

“What?”

“Aren’t you gonna check your phone?”

“I—” 

Regulus never got to finish his sentence because Sirius threw himself at him, shoving a hand into his pocket and fishing out his phone. 

“Fuck off,” Regulus snapped as he tried to grab his phone out of Sirius’ hand, but Sirius dangled the phone just out of reach.

“It’s James, ” Sirius sing-songs.

“Give it back, I’m serious,” Regulus realized his mistake in word choice before Sirius got a chance to bark a laugh. “Don’t even, just give me my fucking phone.”

“Reggie, you won’t let me read your texts with James and you won’t let me make my favorite, very funny, and not at all overused, joke.” Sirius gave him a mock pout. “Do you even love me?”

“There’s not even anything to read,” Regulus said as he practically climbed on top of Sirius to grab his phone. He looked at the screen and rolled his eyes. “He literally just texted ‘hi, it’s James.’ Was that really worth wrestling over?”

Sirius shrugged. “It was fun all the same.”

“You’re impossible.”

Regulus felt his phone vibrate again and he quickly glanced down to read the message on his home screen without unlocking his phone.

[James]: tell me what the star means

“How long should I wait to reply to him, do you think?”

“Huh?”

“What’s the appropriate amount of time to wait to reply to a text?” Regulus rephrased his question, looking at his brother expectantly.

“Reggie,” Sirius’ voice softened. “If you like him, you should just answer him. You don’t have to play games like that.”

“I don’t—” Regulus let out a breath. “I don’t want to seem desperate. Or clingy.”

“Replying to a double text from a guy who’s clearly interested in you isn’t going to come off as desperate, it’ll just let him know you’re on the same page. Besides, as soon as you open that he’s gonna see the read receipt.”

Regulus wasn’t sure that his brother was right, but he decided that if James was already texting him, then he could text him back. He pulled out his phone and opened the texts between them before he overthought what he was going to say. 

“You know,” Sirius said, interrupting Regulus’ thoughts. “He’s probably freaking out just as much as you are, if that makes you feel any better.”

“Fuck off,” Regulus shoved at his brother. “You know no one freaks out more than I do, that’s just mean.” He stood up and paced around the living room while Sirius watched him with a smirk. When he had sent the star emoji earlier, he had intended for it to come off as mysterious and cool, but now he just felt dumb.

[Regulus]: my full name is regulus, like the star

He shot off the text before he could think about it anymore, knowing that no matter what he wasn’t going to feel good about how he phrased an answer to James’ question. Before he had even locked his phone again, James had texted him back.

“I told you he was interested,” Sirius said as he pulled the blankets around himself again and settled back into the couch.

[James]: that explains the gravitational pull I feel towards you

Regulus rolled his eyes. Of course James would be the type to come up with something that cheesy.

[Regulus]: and that is exactly why I always introduce myself as reg

[James]: sorry, couldn’t resist

[James]: will you still go on a date with me? :(

[Regulus]: only if you promise to never use another star themed pick up line again

[James]: pinky promise

“Oh my fucking god,” Sirius said. His voice pulled Regulus out of his head and made him realize that he was literally just standing in the middle of his living room, staring at his phone, and smiling. “You’re fucking giddy over this guy. I mean, look at you. You’re practically blushing! I knew he was cute, but Regulus Arcturus Black, do you have a real, honest to God, crush?”

“I hate you,” Regulus said with less conviction than intended. He flipped his brother off and went to his bedroom, leaving the door open to avoid Sirius having a total meltdown. He plopped onto the bed and opened his phone, seeing another string of texts from James.

[James]: does tomorrow night work for you?

[James]: also, do you like Italian food?

[James]: I could pick you up at 7

[Regulus]: italian at 7 tomorrow sounds perfect

He wondered if he should really be giving James his address, normally he would meet up with guys at a neutral location before going to their place. He really didn’t like having guys come to his apartment, not just because of the whole safety aspect of things, but also he hated the idea of someone snooping around his things or putting things back where they don’t belong. Everything in his home was meticulously placed and organized. Even placing something back in the fridge with the label turned around was enough to set him off some days. He decided that he could decide whether or not to send James his address after therapy today and put his phone on do not disturb so he wouldn’t know if James asked before then. 

The rest of the day passed uneventfully before therapy. He and Sirius had a boring lunch of sandwiches since neither of them knew how to cook a proper meal, then they tidied up the apartment a bit. Really, Regulus cleaned and organized meticulously while Sirius sat on the couch texting Remus, but Regulus decided that was for the best. Sirius staying out of his way was more helpful than him actually helping.

When it was time to leave for therapy, Sirius gave him a ride instead of letting him walk. He only convinced Regulus to let him drive him there and back because sure, the walk there would be fine, but wouldn’t the walk home with a puffy face from crying be worse than a walk of shame at 8am? Regulus really couldn’t argue with that.

Regulus had been to plenty of therapists before. Being a gay son in a Catholic household tended to lend itself pretty well to the whole ‘needing therapy’ thing. He hadn’t been to therapy for a few years before his attempt though, preferring to bury his feelings with things like substances and one night stands, and so the hospital prescribed him twice weekly sessions. One with this new therapist, Horace Slughorn, and one with a group. When the hospital had assigned him to his therapist, he honestly thought the name was a joke. Who the fuck would name their child Horace and why would they hold onto a surname like Slughorn when there was the option to legally change your name to… anything else? But then he remembered that his entire family had named their children after stars and decided to keep all thoughts of criticism to himself.

Walking into Slughorn’s office, the office receptionist made him fill out a ridiculously long questionnaire asking him pointless questions like ‘in the last 2 weeks have you felt hopeless or like life has no meaning?’ Obviously yes, he wouldn’t have been prescribed mandatory therapy if he hadn’t jumped off a fucking bridge, but fine. He answered all the questions and brought the iPad back to the receptionist, then waited. And waited. And waited some more. He checked the time on his phone and realized that Horace was over a half an hour late for his appointment. Great. Not only was he going to have to endure appointments every week, but this therapist was wasting even more of his time by not starting promptly. He already hated him.

When he was called into the office, he sat on a saggy couch and continued to wait until a portly man with a bald head strolled into the room without a care in the world. He sat down and smiled weakly at Regulus and Regulus decided that he hated this man even more than before. Who comes into an appointment nearly three quarters of an hour late and doesn’t even apologize?

“My name is Horace, it’s nice to meet you,” he said as he pulled out a notebook and pen. He looked at Regulus expectantly. Regulus assumed that he was met with sheer disgust based on how his face blanched.

“If you’re going to be late to every appointment, we might as well not even exchange pleasantries. My time is valuable and I don’t tolerate disrespect.”

Slughorn wrote something in his notebook as he grimaced. “Unfortunately, I’m the only therapist with openings in this practice currently, and seeing as you were recently hospitalized, I’m afraid you don’t exactly have the bargaining power here, Mr. Black. Now, do you want to tell me what led to your recent hospitalization?”

“I jumped off a bridge. Surely, you read my chart before I arrived.”

“I did, but I’d much prefer to hear your story from you directly.”

“That’s about it, Horace.”

Therapy continued as expected. Horace pushed for more details and Regulus made him feel as though he were talking to a brick wall. When their session was done, Regulus stopped by the front desk and told the receptionist he would not be returning.

“I— Can I give you a recommendation on where to find better care?” She seemed kind-hearted and so Regulus agreed to take the card she offered for another office nearby without a fight. When he got in the car, dry-eyed and irritated, Sirius laughed.

“That good, huh?”

“Don’t get me started,” Regulus sighed. “Can we get Chinese food? I need to eat so many crab rangoons I forget what that guy’s face looked like.”

“Yeah,” Sirius answered. “Can Moony come? I’m codependent and I miss him.”

“You should go to therapy for that,” Regulus joked before agreeing. Truthfully, he liked Remus. He might have even considered him a friend if he allowed himself to get close enough to the guy. He placed the order for their Chinese food before he turned his phone off ‘do not disturb’. When he looked at his notifications, he saw a handful of texts from James.

[James]: what’s your address?

[James]: sorry, not trying to be weird, just want to pick you up like a proper date

[James]: you can give me a fake address to meet you at if you want

[James]: or we can meet at the restaurant if you’d prefer

“Okay, maybe you were right,” Regulus said to his brother while they waited for Remus to come out to the car.

Sirius mock gasped and clutched at the collar of his shirt. “Did Regulus Black just admit that I, Sirius Black, was right? ”

Of course, at that moment was when Remus got in the back seat of the car and looked between the two brothers. “I leave him with you for one day and his ego is already inflated.”

“Moony,” Sirius twisted himself towards the back seat and planted a quick kiss on Remus’ lips. “Reggie just said I was right, can you believe it?” He pulled his phone out of his coat pocket and took a selfie with Regulus scowling in the background. “I’m gonna frame this.”

“Hey Reg,” Remus said. Regulus noticed that he was careful not to ask how he was. In fact, Remus acted like everything about Sirius staying with his brother, bringing him to and from appointments and getting Chinese takeout all together, instead of being at home with his boyfriend  was completely normal. 

“Hey,” Regulus replied.

“So,” Remus questioned as Sirius began driving towards their favorite Chinese takeaway spot. “What was Sirius right about?”

“Ugh,” Regulus groaned. “This guy at the cafe I like asked me on a date today, so I gave him my number. He’s been texting me trying to plan the date and Sirius said that he was probably overthinking just as much as I was. I didn’t believe him until this guy literally sent me four texts freaking out about how he asked for my address.”

Remus raised an eyebrow at that. “Lemme see.” 

Regulus handed him his phone and waited while Remus read the texts.

“Okay, so the gravitational pull pickup line was smooth. But yeah, don’t leave this poor guy on read any longer, Reg. Answer the man.” Remus handed his phone back.

“What pickup line?” Sirius asked as he pulled into the parking lot. 

“Oh, it was good,” Remus laughed. “Said that being named after a star explained the gravitational pull he felt towards him. Should have used that one myself.”

Sirius laughed so hard at that, he had to wipe away a few tears from his eyes. “Please, Reggie, you’re gonna eat him up. That’s so sweet.”

Regulus crossed his arms and glared at his brother. “Maybe I like sweet.”

“Since when?” Sirius and Remus asked in unison, the former sounding shocked.

“Since I felt like killing myself, I guess. Gotta change something, right?” At that, Regulus got out of the car and headed into the restaurant to grab their giant bag of food. When he came back, the car was eerily silent. 

“Reggie,” Sirius said solemnly as he pulled out of the parking lot. “You promised no suicide jokes for at least a week.”

“Oh, come on,” Regulus groaned as he tilted his head back into the headrest of the seat. “That was hardly a joke.”

“Reg…” Remus started.

“Fine,” Regulus interrupted, his voice cold and cruel. “Sorry, I’ll keep the jokes about what happened to me to myself.”

“It– It didn’t happen to you, Reggie,” Sirius muttered. “You did it to yourself. And to us. We all have to live with the decisions you make too.”

“Sorry,” Regulus said, softening his tone. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“It’s okay, Reggie. I forgive you. I’ll always forgive you. Let’s just try to have a nice night, yeah?”

The car ride home was much more subdued than the ride to the Chinese restaurant was. Regulus took the lull in conversation to shoot James a text with his address and an apology for taking so long to reply. James replied immediately.

[James]: i can’t wait! 

[James]: sorry for being a chronic over texter

[James]: it will happen again

When they arrived at Regulus’ apartment, they put on a mind-numbing movie and sat around the living room eating greasy food and laughing at stupid jokes. Regulus wished he could have had a glass or two of wine, but part of his discharge instructions was to stay sober for at least a month while he continued to adjust to his medications and life outside of the hospital. Regulus ended up fishing out the air mattress from the closet so Remus could crash in the living room with Sirius and they all fell into their bedtime routines.

When he was finally alone in bed, Regulus read over the texts from James again. He had never felt so excited to go on a date with someone before. He thought to himself, though he’d never admit it out loud, that maybe it was for the best that he hadn’t died in that river after all.

[freetobeeyouandme]

No new chapter of the Byler Isekai Fantasy AU today because I need way longer for edits than I thought, plus I think I just really need to overthink my posting schedule, BUT in the meantime I'd like to inform you that I already have a long, multichaptered Byler Fantasy AU complete up on Ao3. Just in case you didn't know yet and want something similar to tide you over until I get around to posting again next week.

Through A Dark Glass, Wanting

90k | Rated M | Fantasy AU, D&D inspired AU, Canon Typical Horror, Blood and Gore, Body Horror, Suicidal Ideation, Friends to Lovers, Slow Burn, Will Byers is so loved if he only accepted it, Will keeps making bad decisions bear with him

When a dark corruption spreads from the Deep Woods north of the kingdom of Roane, it falls to Will and his friends to investigate the cause. But as they close in on what seems to be the inevitable final confrontation with the Mad Wizard they have been fighting for years, Will finds his magic failing him as the darkness that scarred him during his first encounter with that very man finally overtakes him. Will stands no chance at stopping the demons that have been haunting him – after all how can he fight for a happy ending when he doesn’t believe he deserves one? - Or, Will learns to accept that his friends love him a whole lot more than he thinks they should.

I wrote this one during last year's Byler Big Bang, so it has a lot of wonderful art by the extremely talented @katimanki, and since I really enjoyed working on it I want to give it some love today (also because the next BBB is just around the corner - yay!). I'll definitely be back with the next chapter of the Isekai AU next week, but also be warned that I'm probably going to stick to a three week posting schedule for the last couple of chapters. I very much over/underestimated how long this bad boy would be and how much time I would be able to spend on it, so while I don't like it, it is now what it is.

An excerpt and my usual taglist below (since I'm assuming you might be interested in another fantasy AU as well)

Chapter 1: The Inn at the End of the World

Will spends dinner staring at the dark clouds obscuring the woods less than a days ride away from the inn. Night has already begun falling around them, but the clouds hovering over the trees almost glow a little in the dark, as if to make sure he remembers that they are there. Inside of the clouds he can see the tree tops and dark spots of creatures flying. General consensus is that the Deep Woods are a dead place, but he knows that’s not true. Whatever the shadow touches doesn’t die. It just wishes it had.

An elbow hits him in the ribs, for the second time in as many minutes. It’s only on the second time, though, that he realizes the elbow is intentional – for once this evening.

“Byers, you gonna finish that or not?” Dustin says, wiping his mouth while also eyeing the bread on Will’s plate.

Will wordlessly pushes his plate – the only plate on the table that isn’t completely blank – over to his friend.

Immediately he feels Mike’s knee knock into his, and silently curses the inn for being so packed that they had to squeeze four of them onto a bench made for three. Even with Lucas hanging half off it, leaning over to chat with Max, it’s a tight fit. Too tight. And Dustin’s elbow is nothing compared to Mike’s…well, Mike’s everything.

He can feels Mike’s hot breath on his cheek when he speaks. “Are you okay?”

Will puts on a practiced smile. “I’m fine,” he reassures his best friend. He nods at the window behind Mike’s head. “Just not really feeling hungry right now.”

Mike follows his gaze and sighs. “Just make sure to have breakfast, okay?”

“Yeah, yeah. I know. We need our strength.”

Mike returns Will’s eye roll with a tight smile.

Will grabs the half eaten chicken leg from his plate and takes a tentative bite to appease him. Mike, apparently satisfied that Will’s not gonna drop dead of starvation before they even set foot in the woods, turns back to whatever conversation he was having with El on his other side. Will drops the chicken again and grabs a napkin instead.

Dustin pushes the now more empty plate towards the middle of the table. He has eaten maybe half of what Will had left over, leaving the chicken leg and the harder parts of the bread.

He pats his stomach. “Tiamat’s Third head, I’m full.”

“That’s still not gonna catch on,” Will tells him.

Dustin gives him the finger. Then he belches.

Will decidedly turns his nose out of the path, staring instead at the crowd around them. The inn, a small affair just on the border between the Duchy of Hawkins and the impenetrable Deep Woods, is teeming with people. At first Mike had been worried they wouldn’t even get rooms, but that was the one thing The Aleful Dragon had not been short of. They could each have gotten their own, but instead they’d gone for their usual three: One double for the girls, two for the boys. Officially.

Will eyes the tankard in front of Dustin, silently hoping it will stay at that one but knowing that since this is their last proper night in civilization, it won’t. And unfortunately, unlike Mike, Dustin snored when he was drunk.

The innkeeper’s son comes to clear away their table, shyly ducking his head as he does so. In his eyes there is the recognition that had become more and more common over the past two years. This is the Prince of Hearts, Slayer of the Thessalian Hydra and Scourge of the Mad Wizard. This is no ordinary band of would-be heroes at his table.

To everyone’s surprise, it is Dustin whom he addresses when he brings them the round of beers they order as he clears the table.

“You are Dustin the Bold, right?” When Dustin nods he swallows and asks in a quiet voice: “Would you mind if I asked my mother if you could play tonight? We have our house musicians, but…”

Dustin’s grin is wolfish. “Do I ever mind that, my young friend? Tell her I will play all night if she only keeps the beer coming.”

Will doesn’t bother pointing out that the innkeeper's son seems to be a few years older than them, actually. Dustin’s flame is lit and he doesn’t think their bard will hear much tonight that doesn’t pertain to song requests.

The young man runs off happily to tell his mother the news, and sure enough she herself comes to their table to negotiate the deal. It’s a standard contract as far as the work of a bard goes: The drink will be on the house for him and his companions. The rooms they still have to pay for.

It means hell for Will’s ears, but he supposes he can always go to bed early, perhaps be deeply asleep by the time the snoring starts. Considering how long Dustin plans on playing and drinking, he might do that anyway.

Dustin gets up as the innkeeper heads back to the bar. He makes a big show of having to get out of the booth, shooing Lucas and Max into a frenzy. That still doesn’t seem fast enough because he just climbs up on the table to leave it in the end. It’s either some eerie talent or everyone else’s quick reflexes that mean he doesn’t spill any ale as he crosses.

“Sir Michael, my lute if you please?”

Mike looks up at him, rolling his eyes. “Get your dirty boots of the table, Dustin.”

Dustin lifts his chin in defiance. “My lute, I said.”

Will sees how they had been identified in this nowhere inn despite their plain clothes. Even in a simple tunic, visibly mended here and there where it had gotten ripped and torn in previous battles, Dustin strikes an imposing figure. The lute that is leaning against the wall beside their booth could be the prized possession of a simple minstrel, but the confident set of Dustin’s shoulders and the glimmer of knowledge in his eyes identify him clearly as a Bard of the Conclave. Take then his companions and even the people who had not seen Mike’s crown-and-heart shield as they carried their things upstairs were sure to know who was drinking among them.

Mike shakes his head and wordlessly hands over the richly painted instrument.

@smalltownwheeler @wheelerpilled @wrong-energy @foodiewithdahoodie @doggozzy @gardenfairie @beelikesbirds @beverlysclown @yickarus @sourdough-el @hessolivagant @hesquietoday @oldfashionedmorphine @total-serene560 @bylersrise @hawkinsunderground @generalstorecashier @snixx @camel-casing @bylersbear01 @turningsoft @casatoan @maru-chu @mid13s @goldentrunks @bunnybylerfangirl @willbyersenthusiast @letterstomichelangelo @drowninginideas @fluffyfangirl @artsyna @absolutelynotyouidiot @bymarara @unknowmiau @are-you-reddie @elherself134 @longtallglasses @kennahjune @easilyentertained99 @bylerschapter @father-imperator @bylerina

[captainjamster]

A Surprise Exception

Pairing(s): Kate Laswell x F!Reader Warnings: pre-established strained relationship with sibling, non-sexual intimacy, post-sex cuddling and talks Wordcount: 3.2k Summary: Kate really does not like children, and there’s not a chance in hell she’s having any. No one is changing her mind – but someone else might convince her they’re not all terrible. AO3 Link: Right here! <3

A/N: A few notes for this one! This was written all in one go, so I will probably come back to edit it at some point. While I normally write neutral SFW inserts, reader identifies as a woman because I won't write Kate that isn't a lesbian <3 Pre-established strained relationship w/ sibling is an important tag. This is not a generalised portrayal of single parents; this is an insert specifically with family difficulties, and a couple trying to navigate that with understanding but not permissive boundaries. Also, I hate reading baby talk too, I'm sorry! But I can't make a four year old talk like an adult, so her speech pattern just follows the overgeneralisation of grammatical rules most children engage in developmentally. Lastly, child-free individuals have every right to be child-free, this specifically isn't a "MC changes their mind suddenly" fic. Laswell just realises that not every single child makes her want to remove her ovaries

Full fic under the cut <3

“No.” Her voice is firm, lips tight in that frown that you know means business. It doesn’t deter your dramatics, eyes pleading, hands clasped in front of you. “Please!”

“I told you, no kids.” She turns back to the countertop, sipping at the black coffee you’d just placed in front of her. The room basks in the pale sunrise, orange tinting the walls as light shines from the document Kate is already pouring herself over.

“Kate, it’s just one kid –“

“No! We talked about this at the very beginning. No kids, you agreed.”

You inhale deeply, squashing down a frustrated sigh as the pressure of your palms turns your vision fuzzy for a second. “Yes, I know I agreed – but come on!”

There’s a pause as your words linger in the air, and Kate’s shoulders drop. “Come on?”

You reel back, groaning. “No, I’m sorry – I’m sorry, not like that, fuck. I’m sorry. I’m frustrated and I just feel misunderstood, like you’re not… getting it.”

“Because there’s nothing to get; because we both made a very clear agreement when we started this relationship.” Her tone is final, but you don’t back down.

“Kate!”

She exclaims your name in exasperation, swinging back around on the barstool as she white-knuckles the tablet in her hands.

“Okay, okay – just, okay, just hear me out. Please.” You try not to wilt under her disapproving look, but she doesn’t stop you, and you take the opportunity at full speed. “It’s not even for the whole day, just six hours! I’ll take her out to the park for a bit, I promise we won’t track mud in, and we’ll take a bath, I’ll dry her in the bathroom right after.”

Her nose wrinkles in disgust with the shake of her head. “That’s good and all, but our rug? The couch? My office?”

Your head is shaking adamantly before her sentence ends. “She won’t step foot in your office, I won’t even let her go up the stairs, and I’m going to watch her the whole time.”

Disbelief is etched into her frown. “It’s a kid, babe. You’re fantastic, but you’re not magic. She’s gonna make a mess no matter how hard you try.”

Your mouth opens and closes, every retort coming up futile, and defeat quickly sinks in. Your shoulders slouch, a pout pulling at your lips as you take up the stool next to her, slumping over the cool granite top. The sigh Kate breathes is long, putting down the tablet. “Your sister’s asked us for this last-moment shit plenty before.”

“I know, but it’s different this time,” you mumble into your arms.

“And why is this ‘emergency’ any different?”

“Because she said the whole place still smells like insecticide, and she doesn’t trust the babysitter to know what to do if it makes Lottie sick, he’s barely seventeen. I don’t think she’s lying; I dropped off a grocery pickup on my way home from the store yesterday, and it really did stink.”

Kate bites at the inside of her lip, contemplating. “Can we not just give her money for a proper one?”

You look up incredulously, and Kate’s expression immediately crumples. “Sorry, yeah. That was stupid, I know we said no more giving her money.”

You return back to your forlorn position, tracing mindless shapes that leave a quickly evaporating trail of body heat.

“Honey, if we say yes, she’s going to keep asking us. I don’t want to set a precedent.” Her expression is sympathetic as you peer over the ruffled humps of your sleeve, a hand settling on your thigh. “She had time to get a better replacement, it’s not like the house started stinking yesterday. I’m not letting you play unpaid full-time caregiver again.”

You slide your own hand over hers, grip curling around the ring nestled against the base of her finger. “I know Kate, it won’t go that far. She can ask, but I swear, this will be the only time she ever stays at our house until she’s older. If she ever pulls this again, I’ll pack an overnight bag and go over there – I’ll go to our parents, if I really have to.”

“And she’s really going to work this time?” Kate probes, arms crossed. “This isn’t another “oh, I was definitely at ‘work’, but then I went on this date with a cute guy I just happened to meet on my ‘lunch break’ and forgot to block you from seeing the photos on my story?””

“I made triple sure – she sent me her schedule for the whole month, and a confirmation text that she’d be late this morning with a response from her boss. She already sent the interview confirmation when she got it, and she showed me the congratulatory email when we went out for drinks too.”

Before Kate can speak, you hold up your hand. “And I know, those can be easily faked. So, she’s going to share her location with me when – if we say yes – she gets there, and I’ll call her work line at some random point so Lottie can talk to her, to make sure. She’d be putting in more effort to fabricate this than she would actually getting the job.”

The air feels thick as Kate stays quiet – just looks over your face, searching for something.

“I’m not helping.” She concedes after a long pause, and you bolt up straight, slapping a hand over your mouth to keep back a loud cheer.

“I mean it, I’m going to be in my office. I’ll come out for lunch and say hello, I’m not going to ignore the kid. But no begging to play games, no help cleaning up messes or disasters, no picking you up halfway if her legs get tired.” She tilts her head, an eyebrow raised expectantly, amusement in those pretty blue eyes as she gazes at you.

“Nothing, I swear to god, baby. I’ll have lunch ready at around 12, I’ll just text you and you can come down.” You bring her hand to your lips, peppering kisses across her knuckles, making sure to be generous over her ring with a cheeky smile that Kate fondly rolls her eyes at.

==

Charlotte warbles a rhyme she learnt in day-care as you pull into your street, kicking her feet in time with the ticking of the indicator as you stop in the driveway. She makes a loud squawk as you reach for the door handle, a small glare peering up at you through the window to warn your hand away from it. You watch as she tugs at it until the latch clicks, using her legs to swing it open. “I did it all by myself!”

You give her a bemused smile, holding out a hand that she accepts as her little legs stretch to meet the pavement. “Yeah sweetie, you did it all by yourself, good job opening it. You wanna grab your bag, or should Auntie do it?”

Charlotte gives you the most withering look a four year old can muster, sighing loudly as she grabs the straps of her backpack from the floor. “Don’t you know I’m a big girl now? I gotta carry my own bag, Mama said.”

The pressure in your chest hurts as your throat constricts, desperately holding your breath to avoid laughing at the very serious mistake you’ve just made. “I’m – ah, sorry, I’m so sorry Lottie. You are a big girl now, yes.”

All is forgiven as you extend your hand again, and Charlotte skips up the short driveway by your side, backpack clunking with each step. “Was my singing good Auntie?”

You hum approvingly, swinging your arm gently. “It was great, honey. You know so much about bugs!”

She gives you a pleased, toothy grin, her face scrunched up in exaggeration. Before you open the to the door, you halt, crouching down to your niece’s level. She frowns at you inquisitively, gaze moving between your face and the door. “Alright, sweetheart. You remember what I said?”

Her expression dissolves into a sassy squint, nose scrunched up in distaste of your obviously silly adult ways. “Auntie, you told me like – like a million times!”

“I know, I know. Can you say it back to me, just one more time?”

With a roll of her eyes, she takes a deep breath, holding up a finger for each instruction you’ve given her. “Auntie Kate is really really busy, so we gotta be quiet, not be yelling, and I can’t be going up the stairs and being distracting.”

You nod in encouragement, giving her a smile. “And?”

Charlotte frowns, thinking for a moment, before her eyes light up. “And no making messes!”

She throws her arms up as you cheer, her chubby cheeks squished between them. “Yay! Inside now?”

You clap your hands to your thighs, standing up to reach for the handle. “Yep, inside now.”

Charlotte barrels through the door before it’s even fully open, almost pulled back as her bag is caught in the opening, and you catch her hand to stop her from running off. “Hold up, cowgirl! Those shoes need to come off first.”

You shuck off your own, watching as Charlotte tugs at hers, before helping her line them neatly against the wall. Coming out the hallway, to your surprise, Kate is sitting on the couch. You shoot her a confused frown as you walk closer, but she just comes over to meet you halfway, crouching down to Charlotte’s level. “Hey, sweetheart, I wanted to say hi again. Remember me?”

Charlotte lingers near your leg, her hand scrunched up in your pants as she looks your wife up and down. “You’re Auntie Kate.”

She gives a small smile, nodding slowly. “Yep. That’s right.”

Charlotte doesn’t respond, fingers in her mouth nervously. The room is quiet for a second as Kate looks equally unsure, twisting her hands together as she speaks again. “What… have you been up to lately?”

Your niece looks at her owlishly, round eyes slowly blinking.

“I punched a boy.”

Kate’s eyes widen, taken aback with an expression you mirror. “You punched a boy?”

Your niece nods solemnly, looking down at her scrunched up fist with a dramatic reminiscence. “He told my friend – he said, he was really mean, and he said girls can’t ride bikes, and he uhm – he did this,” she explains, making a sharp pushing motion into the air, “and she falled off and got hurted and she was really sad. And then I was sad, and then I did my fist like this and punched him!”

She raises her fist to Kate, a proud look on her small face, and you watch Kate struggle to keep the corners of her lips from peeking up. “Wow, I see. Did you get in trouble?”

Charlotte’s pigtails bounce as she shakes her head confidently, bringing a leg up to point at it as she balances on the other. “Nuh-uh, ‘cos my friend had all the blood on her knee and she was crying.”

Kate nods, clasping her hands together, already out of her depth with the look she gives you. “Right. Okay. Well, no punching anyone or falling off things while you’re here, alright?”

“Alright!” Charlotte chirps, giving Kate the same toothy grin. She gives a smile back before shooting you an impressed but shocked look that you just shrug at, grinning. Kate shakes her head, and you catch and squeeze her hand, pressing your lips to hers appreciatively before she scampers off. “Thank you, I love you.”

The wink she directs your way sends butterflies through your stomach, and they erupt as she calls out, retreating up the stairs. “Don’t worry! You’ll make it up to me.”

==

Charlotte peers down at the puzzle, hands on her hips as she balances the towel on her head. Impossibly happy voices sing from the TV as a show she begged for plays, and you catch a blue dog playing a xylophone with her orange sister when you peak around the corner to check on your niece. “Everything going okay, pumpkin?”

The puzzle is very uncomplete, but she’s been following your advice of finding all the border pieces, given the little pile she’s accumulating concentratedly. “We can get an easier one, honey. 50 pieces is a lot.”

Charlotte looks up at that, unimpressed. “I already did 10 pieces of jigsaw!”

With a shrug, you disappear back into the kitchen, cutting up the last toppings on your board as you call out again. “Alright, that’s fine. But lunch will be ready in 10 minutes, so we’ll take a break then, okay?”

A small grumble of acknowledgement comes from the floor, and you get back to it. Before long, the sandwiches are plated up, and Kate’s salad is in a bowl with her plate. Charlotte makes less fuss than you’d thought as she drags her feet over to the table, clambering up the chair to sit down. Grabbing your phone, you send off a text, shoving it back in your pocket before bringing the plates over. Charlotte eyes the sandwiches, peeking through the layers of bread. “Is it good?”

You laugh, picking up your own slice. “I hope so. Your mama said it’s your favourite.”

“No way!” She perks up excitedly, grabbing a quarter and taking a big bite. Kate descends from her office a few minutes later, cup in hand and making a beeline for the kitchen. She comes out with a fresh cup a moment later, taking a seat across from you. “Thanks for brewing a pot, honey,” she murmurs, scooping up a spoonful of salad. “Have you girls been having fun?”

Charlotte hums through a mouthful, wiggling in her chair. “Shaw ducksh at th’prk!”

Kate tries to hold back a grimace, cringing at the food around her mouth, and you send her an apologetic look as you speak up. “Swallow your food first, Lottie.”

Between chews, she narrows her eyes at you, but swallows before speaking again. “There was a mama and her babies.”

The meal is spent in a very one-sided conversation about your trip to the park as Charlotte earnestly recounts every detail, informing Kate about all the kinds of bugs she found under the rocks. The girl is on a long rattle about the spots on ladybug shells when Kate clears her throat, stacking her dishes together, and Charlotte cuts herself off. “No more food already?”

“I have work to finish,” Kate explains as she stands up, “and I’m sure you’re excited to play with Auntie for the last hour you’re here, right?”

A misty expression crosses Charlotte’s dirty face at the realisation, her bottom lip puckering out. “But what if I goed home and comed back after I sleep?”

Kate gives you a pointed look as she disappears around the corner, and you close your eyes for a moment as dishes clink against the metal sink, silently cursing. “Remember we talked about that, babes? You got day-care tomorrow, and I’ll come see you on the weekend.”

Charlotte brightens up temporarily at the mention of day-care, but you can see the moment she realises it’s ‘stopping’ her from coming over as her expression dampens again. “Can we go see ducks on the weekend?”

“Yeah honey, we can see the ducks again.” You nod, leaning back in your chair as Charlotte shoves the last of her sandwich into her mouth. Closing your eyes, your head falls back until it meets the wooden frame, taking a moment to sink down and relax. But tension suddenly springs back into them as fingers slide under your chin, your eyes opening to meet an upside down Kate.

“Hey beautiful,” she murmurs, and you giggle in her grasp, humming as she presses her lips to yours. “Thanks for lunch. You’re so sweet, keeping me fed.” She gives your cheek an affectionate pat, pulling away and heading to the stairs as you sit up and give her a scandalised look at her teasing praise. Footsteps against the floor patter behind you, and Charlotte darts past Kate to the door before you can question her.

“Auntie Kate!”

Your wife pauses, and you can see her breathe in before she turns. “What’s up, kiddo?”

Charlotte drags her bag over, crouching down and rummaging through its depths to pull something out. It takes you a moment to recognise the scraggly stems and squashed petals, but Charlotte shoves them out in offering with the confidence of someone holding a thousand dollar bouquet. “Auntie said you like flowers, and I thoughted maybe you got no flowers inside, so I got the best ones for you!”

Kate’s face pinches into something you’ve never seen before, and you debate stepping in before she crouches down, extending her hand to take the ragged bundle. “That was really thoughtful of you, Charlotte.” She takes a moment to smell them – more for Charlotte’s sake, you think –, and gives the kid a soft smile. “Thank you for getting me flowers. I’ll be happy to have them in my office now, hey?”

You can see Charlotte’s fingers twist and intertwine as they meet behind her back, shoulders up high as she sways happily, and you can only imagine the grin she’s giving Kate. “You’re welcome!” She chimes, grabbing her bag and hauling it back to the door. You watch Kate take in the flowers as they droop over her hand, standing up as she casts a look over at Charlotte, running back to the table. Your gazes connect as she flickers to you, a grin filling her face as she gestures the flowers at you, to which you flap your hand towards the stairs cheekily.

Your phone buzzes as you turn on the tap for Charlotte, and you pull it out as she dries her hands, tapping in on the photo of the flowers in a tall glass next to her computer.

<< Can’t wait to see yours. ;)

==

“I still hate kids.”

“I know,” you sigh happily into her collarbones, pressing a kiss against a mole there. Her skin is still soured by sweat, and you hum appreciatively at the taste, basking in the post-orgasmic daze washing through your limbs. Everything feels warm, exertion mingling with fatigue to settle across you in a sleepy blanket, and you can’t stifle a yawn that bubbles up.

“She was sweet, though. Thought she’d be more of a menace.”

A hum is all you get out, listening to the patter of her heart.

“We’re never having them.”

Kate squirms at the way you huff in amusement against her skin at the remark, tilting up to give her a look. “I know, honey. Wasn’t planning on changing my mind.”

She grins, running her nails across your scalp, bringing you back against her bare chest. “Thought I fucked that sass out.”

You snort, dipping out your tongue to run against her jugular, kissing the damp trail. “The only thing that recovers faster than your libido is my attitude.”

Kate laughs at that, nudging her leg further up between your thighs to make you squeak. “Now you’re trying to wind me up, close your damn eyes.”

“Uh-huh. I remember them being closed before you reminded me you hate kids.”

You whimper as her fingers tug in reprimand at your hair before resuming their strokes, rustling accompanying the sound of breathing in the moonlight room. There are lights swirling in barely visible colours as you fall further into a world between here and unconsciousness, and you feel weightless, floating in nothingness with the only person you’ve ever wanted by your side.

“… She wasn’t that bad, though.”

“Kate, go to sleep.”

dividers by cafekitsune

[walkingstackofbooks]

Trying to decide what I want to work on right now and so to procrastinate I thought it'd be fun to share my current WIPs with you all (omg how did I get so manyyyyy)

Feel free to shout encouragement at me if there's any that particularly pique your interest! :P

Anyway, in order of how recently I've worked on them:

1. Prompt - what if Kukulaka got broken and Garak repaired him?

Coming soon? 80% it'll be done in the next week: I'm hoping to just bash it out at some point, but even though it's short and self-contained, it's hardddd...

2. Unexpected Chapter 2 of Imprisoned. Absolute Sloanshir rot: Sloan provides Julian with more "help", Julian gets increasingly confused/grateful/flustered/fucked

Coming soon? Almost 100% you're gonna see it next week - I am hype and should should should get to the end once I have an evening to myself ;)

3. Prompt - "I don't trust myself to be good to myself right now, but I need someone to be good to me." Conversations between Miles and Julian at various points in the series when they've hit rock bottom and need pulling out.

Coming soon? No... I've written one post-DBIP scene but I'd at least want the post-Argrathi scene and the rest of the DBIP stuff to be done before I put anything up, if not the whole thing... It's definitely a long fic I'll be returning to in fits and bursts. (sorry, prompter...)

4. Prompt - Garak and Julian's first conversation post-IPS/BIL.

Coming soon? It's a strong contender for next week - I was super hype for it when I started but then work interceded and I just haven't got back to it yet. It is a priority, though!

5. Pre-DBIP: a few moments where Julian's unspoken issues with his parents cause friction for him but go unnoticed by his friends. Post-DBIP a similar moment happens and is recognised for what it is. Featuring Julian + beets.

Coming soon? I really don't know. I've got a strong vision for it and scene one (of four) is done, but it's kind of stuttered since then.

6. Julian starts to neglect his self-care, leading to him passing out in the infirmary. Sisko would like to know what the hell happened.

Coming soon? It's already on tumblr in a rough and ready form, so editing to put on AO3 might well happen in the next week - and I'd say a 50% chance of something extra with that?

7. Chapter 2 of At Their Mercy. Alpha!Garak takes over with Omega!Julian where Kira left off... 😉😉😉

Coming soon? Gahhh, I have written this several times over in my brain, but getting the start of this chapter has been proving difficult. Definitely not until after the Imprisoned chapter is done.

8. Why Leeta Kept Kukulaka And How Julian Did Try To Ask For Him Back. Just cute, fluffy gap-filling; I love both of them.

Coming soon? Probably not. Only the outline has been written tbh and this hasn't caught my fancy in a while.

9. "Acts of God": A runabout crashes on a planet where medical intervention is outlawed. Unable to help his injured friends and forbidden from alleviating the suffering he sees around him, Julian has a very bad time...

Coming soon? No, I think this is probably going to be an after-VIsion-Awry project rather than a can-i-get-it-done-first one.

10. "Sloan's planet": Sloan is Julian's s31 handler, sending him out on all sorts of missions... but the missions are fake, Sloan using the holosuite to manipulate Julian pretty much any way he wants...

Coming soon? Possibly. This has more of a series vibe maybe with a few distinct one-shots, so if I get a short idea I might bash it out 🤷‍♀️ Sloanshir's often just so easy to fall into.. 🤣

11. Keiko + Molly + Julian + drawing post-DBIP. Julian's not very good at it, and it's a bit feels but a lot of fluff.

Coming soon? Well I haven't touched it since April but I do smile whenever I remember it exists (and looking at the file, more was written than I remember!)

Welp - and that's not even counting the myriad other ideas floating around my tumblr/ in my head! Or the fact that I have probably another 15-20k of Vision Awry to go... Well, here's looking forward to my August of writing!

(Which I'll definitely have... if I stop procrastinating! :P)

[totaldramafan-lauri]

Make Use Of Me (chapter 1, preview)

Dec. 7 EDIT: ONCE MORE, WITH BRAVERY THIS TIME. No more chickening out. You can read this thing FOR REAL now. Sorry for being weird, and now....sorry if this wasn't worth it. XD

O-OK...here goes....

First thing's first: I am not expecting a lotta people to read this. I'm not asking people to read this. At this point, I'm making this mostly as a passion project, and if anyone enjoys it, it'll be a really cool bonus. My writing style isn't gonna be for everyone, and the characters I write aren't the most....popular characters in the CRK X Reader community, and I imagine this isn't really something a lotta fans'll be demanding more of.

This is LONG. This one chapter is 56 pages long. I am a VERY wordy writer,

So......why'm I posting this preview? Well....partially as an interest gauge for people who WOULD wanna read it, but...mostly as a motivator. As something to remind myself of whenever I get lazy. After all....I can't quit after I made the first chapter public, right? By doing that, I put myself out there...And, hey, I even tagged it, so, if by the off chance, someone did read it, I'm basically promising them more eventually.....

But, again, I'm not forcing anyone to read this.

Not only is it long, but.....This first chapter is probably my least-favorite thing I've ever written. By posting this chapter by itself, I'm testing to see if it does its job of making people wanna read the rest, cuz....right now, I'm not so sure how well it succeeds at that.....

This is the boring part of the story. It's a bunch of setup, and me jumping through hoop after hoop after hoop to just get everything started. I know setup is important and all, but....I'm already a very wordy writer, so....oof....There is some interesting stuff that happens, but it takes a while to get there.

I-I....kinda hate it, actually. The only reason I didn't scrap it is that I didn't realize I hated it until I was about halfway through it and the "good part" hadn't started yet. And I still spent a month writing the thing, so....I finished it.

I'm tagging this...as an experiment. If you wanna read this, go ahead. W-well, read my tags first, THEN go ahead. XD

All I can really say in this chapter's defense is that....I do try my best to salvage it. It's just setup, but I TRIED to make it interesting. And everything that seems like it didn't go anywhere, will later. This isn't the whole story, it's just the beginning of what's gonna be a BIG story. Anything that seems weird in this chapter, gets explored in the other chapters. This does set up a bunch of stuff that becomes important later (The friend character shows up later, the Colosseum becomes relevant later). This chapter is boring, but I tried not to make any of it pointless.

For the future: I'm aiming for five chapters. Chapters 2 and 3 will be a series of smaller vignettes that take place over the course of a few years, chapter 4 will be the climax, and chapter 5 will be something of an epilogue. After that, there will be two endings to choose from (which will make sense when we get there).

This probably won't be my favorite thing I've ever written, but it will be the most ambitious thing I've ever, and probably will ever, write. I haven't written something like this before, and it's all to flesh out this story and make it believable.

Right now, I.....I want to finish this. I'll probably still be writing this in February at the rate I'm going, but...at this point, I've put too much into it to give up on it. However, I'm STILL not completely ruling out the idea of my motivation dying before then. It COULD happen. So, what I'm planning to do is...setting a short-term goal of finishing chapter 3. After I do that, I'll post the first three chapters on AO3 together, and work on the rest. That way, even if I don't finish it, I'll at least have it over half done, and chapter 3 will end on a somewhat high note.

So, yyyyeah....Not a lotta people will read this preview. Overly wordy writing style + boring setup part of story + 56 pages long + assumed lack of interest for X Readers of this character (At least, I haven't SEEN many simps for her, m-maybe I'm wrong, I might be, I-I haven't checked any tags cuz I've been nervous, b-but it doesn't make my writing any better. In that case, this is my first time writing her so I'm trying super hard to do her justice >//////<)

I-if you wanna read this, and see if this first chapter does a good job of making you wanna read the better chapters, then...Go ahead.....

Some notes:

-This is still not the final draft. It's finalized enough for me to share, but I'm still not considering it finished. Even tho I'm working on chapter 3 right now, I STILL go back and edit this, even very recently. So, chances are, even if the story is finalized, small details and sentences are still subject to change. I know for a fact that there are still SOME placeholder bits in here that will change after I get some stuff cleared up. Recently, I even considered chopping off an entire section to make it shorter. I decided not to, but hey, it could still happen. I don't wanna waste anyone's time. The first chapter of a story, even if it's boring, is still very important, and I wanna make sure it's the best version of itself.

(A-and yes, this means that I've finished chapter 2 as well. The reason I'm not sharing it is that, unlike chapter 1, it was finished VERY recently, so I might still need to give myself time to edit it. From what I have, tho, I do like it a LOT more than chapter 1. There are some parts of chapter 2 that I'm legit proud of.)

-Even tho this first chapter is completely clean, I-I should mention that....this fic is for adults. The full version, at least. Chapters 3 and 4 are gonna contain some light N/S/F/W moments (the "fade to black" variety, so nothing explicit) and there'll be other slightly racey comments here and there. Just a heads-up. I'm gonna be uncomfy with minors reading this.

Th-that's all? I-I think that's all.......O-OK, so......h-here goes..... E-enjoy....

[bonecarversbestie]

I'm doing this tag bc i've never done one before. thx @zenkindoflove for always tagging me in these even tho i never do them pls don't stop.

Doing this tag feels a little funny since i'm so new to writing and i only have 2 fics, but here we go

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 2

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 23,375

3. What fandoms do you write for? ACOTAR

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?  whelp this is awkward bc i only have two 😅

The Scenic Route(Elucien multichapter WIP)

Reverie(Elucien week oneshot)

5. Do you respond to comments? Yes! I literally sit by my computer after i post waiting for them to come in bc i love attention.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? N/A. All my angst is in the beginning/middle. my endings are all happy so far.

(Although, I do have a bullet point in my fic ideas file that is a Haunting of Hill House rewrite but Autumn Court/Forest house, and if you've ever read the book, you know that calling the ending "angsty" would be an understatement)

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? So Reverie is very short and is sorta set after Elucien have already had their happy ending(in more ways than one ;) The ending of the Scenic Route is also happy and it took way more work to get there, so I'd say that one.

8. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? I'm like the writing equivalent of a toddler right now--I'm still learning to write regular stuff haha. I want to write smut one day, but need to take my baby steps to get there. Even when i do, though i think it will not be as explicitly descriptive of the acts themselves, but more emotionally driven (I really like the style of the sex scenes in Song of Achilles if that gives you the vibe)

9. Do you write crossovers? I don't think i'm creative enough for that tbh

10. Have you ever had a fic translated? Nope. maybe one day.

11. Have you ever co-written a fic before? I have not. I don't even know how that would work esp bc i am a control freak, but i'll never say never.

12. What is your all-time favorite ship? I have a handful of OTPs the primary one right now is obviously Elucien, but I have a special place in my heart for The Doctor and River Song(Doctor Who) and Dramione(who i never really shipped when reading the books, but this was the ship that got me into fanfiction and now i'm addicted)

13. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? So my Current WIP is already completely drafted, i just have to edit and post it, so i'm not worried. I do have an outline of a really long High King Lucien fic started that i worry i won't finish before their book comes out (and that once their book comes out i won't be motivated to write it any more, but we'll see)

14. What are your writing strengths? This is hard because i'm so new to writing, i feel like i don't have any strengths yet, but I'm gonna say dialogue, because it's what i enjoy writing the most. most of my first drafts are very dialogue driven and i fill in the story around the conversations

15. What are your writing weaknesses?  Internal monologues/explaining characters emotions. I tend to leave out details/explanations of a character's feelings because I know what they're feeling and i just expect the reader to inherently know everything that I know even though it's impossible.

16. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? I love when people do this, but my spanish and french are both so rusty i don't feel confident enough to try. Maybe some latin in future works for spells and stuff, but in terms of dialogue, probably not.

17. First fandom you wrote for? Acotar! I only just started writing in June of this year, so i haven't had the chance to write for other fandoms yet, but i'd like to eventually.

18. Favorite fic you’ve written? The Scenic Route! i mean i only have two to choose from--and i have a soft spot for Reverie since it was the first fic i ever posted--but I've put a lot of time and love into The Scenic Route, and I'm excited to finish sharing it. ❤️

~*~

I'm not tagging anyone bc i don't know anyone(who wasn't already tagged). 😬

[moonshine-nightlight]

Hello! I Just wanted to let you know that I LOVED the published ver. of "Don't Shoot the Messenger". And I was so excited to hear that Dale and Sana's story might get published too.

At first I was really unsure about getting the book, as I didn't want to be disappointed if the changes made didn't translate well compared to the original. BUT YOU KNOCKED MY EXPECTATIONS RIGHT OUT OF THE WATER!! IT WAS SO GOOD!!

Anyway, just wanted to let you know that I'm so excited for your future projects. And I wish you luck on your future publishing endeavours because I will be buying all future published books by you. And no one can stop me haha >:D

I also wanted to ask if there's a chance that any of your other previous works will also be published? Of course it's a huge effort of time and resources to publish something. But I do hold out hope that I might one day hold Heshi's story in my hands because truthfully it's such a comfort to me and I go back to it periodically to reread. I love that snakey boi. NO PRESSURE THO. If that's not in the cards, just the fact that it exists as a story is wonderful. Thank you so much for all the writing you do.

anyway, bye

@annjo-wolfe

hi! thanks so much! i really liked what DSM actually was and focused on my own edits and that of my editors just honing it to be the best version of itself - so i'm glad that came through and you liked it!

if ur interested in too much info about my self-publishing plans, pls see under the read more

Dale and Sana's story definitely will be self-published,its just a matter of when. it's also probably gonna get more tweaks than DSM due to the length and the way the story evolved over 2 years lol

thank you so much for your support and encouragement with publishing! i'm so happy people are excited about actually buying my stories lol

As for previous short stories that getting published, the answer is yes, i do have plans to publish them as well, they're just a lower priority for multiple reasons. firstly, me and everyone wants NWWD the most so its #1.

For 'Finally Woken' i actually already have the first 2 chapters converted to 3rd POV, however, its shorter than DSM and so would cost nearly as much to have edited but would sell for less (and amazon will try to tell me the spine is too narrow lol) so my current thoughts are to bundle it with 'Selfish' (helpfully already in 3rd person) and make a Naga Novella (called like 'Tangled Up in Tails' or something lol) with both of them in it so i can release it priced similarly to DSM.

For 'Sacrifice', i actually have plans to make that a 5 novella series about different forgotten deities returning to the same town, with 'Sacrifice' likely being offered as a cheaper, first book about a month or so before the second is published to get people into the series. the rest of the novellas would likely not go up on tumblr/AO3 at all and would only be published. i'd like to use this hypothetical series to see how that sort of model would work for me. i've planned out the 5 novellas to some extent but nothings really written yet besides 'Sacrifice'. as a complete project, its very low on my list after everything i'll b posting here and NWWD publishing, so since 'Sacrifice' is tied to that, its not likely to get published anytime soon.

For 'Snapped', i'd likely do something similar to 'Finally Woken' - write another short Sci-Fi/Alien story and bundle them together for publishing. However, i dont currently have anything written that would work so that's also a low priority evn if 'Snapped' is already 3rd POV.

I'm really excited to self-publish my work, but its expensive and what I've made from DSM has come nowhere close to covering my costs and likely won't. the only good thing is basically all the costs are up-front so its easy to jsut keep the books out there and making money when ppl buy it. i have a good job and am happy to spend my money to get my work out there and hope over time self-publishing will break-even, but that will take years at a minimum so it'll be slow going in the beginning.

my goal is to get everything self-published so it'll just be a matter of time - i too want to hold a copy of Heshi's story in my hands lol

thank you for all your support and giving me a chance to ramble about all my self-publishing plans!

[queer-cosette]

“Anyway,” Veronica says softly, a little smile tugging at the corner of her mouth, “I’ll be kissing her aerobicized ass on Monday, but right now I just want to cuddle in bed with my new boyfriend and maybe fool around a bit more if he’s up to it.” JD and Veronica never go to Heather Chandler's house the Saturday morning after they hook up; instead they get the morning after they deserved, and maybe the chance to fall a little more in love with each other while they're at it. It's probably a lot easier to find a reason to make yourself better when playing God with Drain-O never presents itself as an option, after all. (Also there's the added bonus of there tending to be more sex when you don't kill the mood by covering up murder with suicide. I'm pretty sure that's just a given.)

...Yeah, so I decided to post the first chapter of this.

I've been working on this fic for a month or so now and I really like what I've written; unfortunately I have no idea where it's going, so I was a bit hmmm about posting it, but I think the first chapter is done being edited now, so here it is.

This... may well be some of the cutest shit I've ever written. I'm pretty happy with it, and I hope anyone who reads it will enjoy it too.

AO3 info below the Read More

Rating: Explicit

Archive Warning: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Category: F/M

Fandom: Heathers: The Musical - Murphy & O'Keefe

Relationships: Jason "J. D." Dean/Veronica SawyerHeather McNamara & Veronica Sawyer

Characters: Jason "J. D." DeanVeronica SawyerHeather Chandler (Heathers)Heather McNamaraKurt KellyRam SweeneyMartha Dunnstock (Mentioned)Heather Duke (Mentioned)David (Heathers) (mentioned)Peter Dawson (Heathers) (mentioned)Big Bud Dean (mentioned)

Additional Tags: Porn With Plot, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Demisexual Jason "J.D." Dean, Jason "J. D." Dean Loves Veronica Sawyer, Jason "J. D." Dean is Not a Villain, They never go to Heather Chandler's house, Smut, Fluff and Smut, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Mild Angst, Chapter 1 could probably be rated M, but Chapters 2 5 and 6 are E, First Crush, First Time, Loss of Virginity, Morning After, Vaginal Sex, Hand Jobs, Falling In Love, Kissing, Motorcycles, I read 3 cosmo articles for this, First Time Blow Jobs, Cunnilingus, I was a theatre major and it shows, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, I don't know where it's going but it's gonna be happy, Heather McNamara is a Good Friend, Victor Hugo move over there's a new king of run-on sentences, Making Out

[comfortlesshurt]

Saw that post about fic-writing-related questions to ask you and so:

1. What's the word that appears most in your current draft?

2. What's your preferred writing font?

3. Where do you get your inspiration? (And is it possible to learn this power?)

4. What's your favourite place to write?

5. Talk about your writing and editing process

6. What's the most interesting topic you've researched for a fic?

7. How do you recharge when you're not feeling creative?

8. Besides writing, what are your other hobbies?

omg yes, thank you!

I just started something last night but it's only 40 words, so I'm gonna jump over to a more substantial WIP to get a better answer for this one. For chapter 6 of the bigger fic I'm working on, the top three are: Keith, Shiro, and time. (Or if you want to exclude names, time, when, and enough!)

I picked Times New Roman 12pt when I was like... 12, and I never abandoned it.

It jumps around! Over the past year, it's honestly mostly been from reading others' fics! (Which is also why I've gotten more fanatic about using the "Inspired By" feature on AO3 recently, because I fully think it's okay to take inspiration from others, but the other person deserves a little boost in reads too!) In the past, I've pretty exclusively relied on other people giving me prompts, but I had to figure out something else when I desperately wanted to write and there was no outside interest.

This one's probably boring, but I can't stand writing on my phone or a laptop, so I exclusively write at my desktop in my living room.

For writing: 1) Get idea (the hardest part). 2) If it's multi-chapter and I know that from the start, I'm not allowed to write anything until there's a basic outline jotted down. 3) The actual writing: Active writing doc on one monitor, outline on the other (if it's a multi-chapter work where I need to keep track of how the current part interacts with other parts), and Spotify in the background! For editing: I'm awful about it. I'm one of those people who edits as I write even though it frustrates me every time. BUT in exchange, the final editing is a lot easier because I've already edited it during every drafting session. I try to do the editing at the start because then it doubles as me reminding myself what I've already written and might give me ideas for what I want to write in the rest of this session. The final editing session after the writing is done is usually just me googling synonyms for the words I think I overused!

Oh man, I'm sure I'm blanking on something more interesting from further in the past, but a recent one has been the actual timeline for Voltron. Like, I always knew it was set in the future, but I never thought about exactly when since the show seems to be intentionally vague, and I had to dig into fan theories to get a good answer to that. Usually if I need to research something, I'll stick to an overview because I will go overboard if I give my brain half a chance, and a brief overview is usually enough to avoid writing anything completely wrong and immersion-ruining.

Ooh, I switch hobbies for a bit! I used to think you can't really call it a hobby if you don't do it almost every day, but that's a silly idea and I've given it up. If I don't feel like writing, I don't write. Usually, I'll get really into reading again during those times, but I might also go back to playing the guitar or drawing. It doesn't matter what it is, as long as it's fun and it's not writing. I just do that until I feel like writing again. That keeps me from associating writing with being frustrated and upset since I only write when I actively want to.

Oops, kinda went into them above already! But other than those ones, I also obsess over statistics, coding, and general math nerd stuff since those are what I went to college for. There are probably other hobbies, but of course they've all popped out of my head now that I'm trying to think of them!

[fanonical]

So I want to apologize, if this question kinda comes out of the blue/is a bit vague, but I saw some of your posts about FanFiction.net, and I wanted to ask someone that had experience with that site:

Would you recommend uploading fics there? I'm seriously considering uploading some of my AO3 works on there as well, but I'm just starting to navigate the site, and am a bit anxious. How would you say your experience was?

I personally haven't used ff.net since, like, 2015, so take this with as many grains of salt as needed.

From what I understand, while when I was a kid ff.net was the place to be, it's been in a sharp decline over the years. Pretty much everyone who's posting fic has moved to AO3 these days, so I don't know what kind of reach you might get.

To be fair, I badmouth the ff.net experience a lot, but it wasn't that bad. A part of its infamous reputation was just because it was a bastion of Poorly Edited Fanfic Written By Teenagers or straight up trollfic (think My Immortal). Adding to that was because a lot of teens were on the site and, well, teens can be annoying at times. I think every teenager goes through a phase of being irritating, and that is an essential part of the human experience. Cringey Fandom Teens were certainly not exclusive to ff.net, but they were hard to miss!

I'm not sure how good of an archive ff.net is these days, though. There's a very real chance that it's just straight up gonna go under before too long, it's been neglected for years by whoever runs it.

So, tl;dr - if you wanna do it I don't think anything bad will happen, but it's probably not the best medium for it any more.

[olet-lucernam]

introductory post

what do i even write

01-08-2023, 22:16 GMT:

call me olet, I guess? (i'm pretty private on the internet cough a chronic lurker cough so i can't imagine using my actual human name anywhere. that handle will do i guess)

the admin stuff: 26 at time of writing, she/her, gmt (bst) time zone

i like writing (i'm on ao3 as OletLucernam) so this will probably be a writing blog.

not in the vein of advice or aesthetic or anything cool and rebloggable, though. more in the sense of screaming my frustration and progress into the void, interspersed with word count updates of where i am with any given project. maybe snippets. depends.

(grammar of posts may vary. i work an office job that requires typing and i write as a hobby, tank's gonna be empty once i get here. and also my handle is very indicative of the way i tend to write when i'm paying attention, and i'm just Not editing every tumblr post five separate times before posting. i've already been at this for an hour and a half and i procrastinated for two days before that)

i might reblog some fandom commentary (i love some analysis) and any particularly pretty photosets. or reblog stuff that i think my mutual (singular, at time of writing in case i wasn't clear on the introvert thing) will find funny because i like making them laugh.

on the very unlikely chance of anyone finding me here from ao3: First of all, hi, not dead!

Secondly, I can assure you at this very uncomfortable outset, I am highly likely to be approximately eight times weirder and more rambling here than I am in my excessive and extensive notes on my works.

(Also less considered and eloquent. My tumblr voice is probably going to be closer to when I reply to a positive comment, for context, a.k.a. brain gone.)

But at least you can keep track of my progress here, and I can guilt myself into getting my WIPs polished up faster, so I think we all benefit from my decision to (re)join this hellsite.

... I have the strangest premonition that I might regret saying that.

i think that should do, for now. inbox is open. let's get on with it before i overthink again

[void-occupation]

Let's get started

So, this is my first ever post, just wanted to let people that I have followed know that I am in fact not a bot (crazy, I know), and I wanted to set the basis of what people can expect from this blog.

First things first, I will have no activity from the beginning of July to the end of November 2023 for important personal reasons (I don't want anyone thinking I died), and I wanted to at least get a few things out before I forget them during my forced hiatus.

As my description says, I am in many fandoms, and am willing to talk about all of them! However, my brain has latched onto one or two characters in each and insisted that they become my trauma buddies, so I won't talk about anyone else as enthusiastically. I'll go ahead and make a separate post about the fandoms I'm in along with my trauma buddies, so feel free to hit me up and start a conversation (anon or not are welcome)!

Here's the link for the post with all my fandoms and the characters I'll write for: https://www.tumblr.com/void-occupation/718121684263108608/fandoms-and-emotional-support-characters

Things I will not tolerate include:

Racist, homophobic, ACAB, incestuous, or otherwise shaming remarks

MAP supporters/sympathizers. Get the fuck out.

Politics. This is for when I'm surrounded by my family trying to duck out of the conversation, not Tumblr.

Porn. Don't send me graphic shit, I don't want to see it, I'm asexual I have very few exceptions to this, and I'll follow the blogs that meet those exceptions. If I haven't followed you, chances are I don't want to see it. You'll be blocked if you send it. Just don't.

Pressure for a face reveal. I'm not very fond of the way that I look, and I like to keep anonymity. It's comforting.

As far as I know, that's about it, so if you don't do that stuff, we should be pretty chill.

As for what should be expected to come from this blog, I'll probably end up doing a lot of incorrect quotes, rants, theories, headcanons, and maybe some fics. I'm also planning on making edits when I come back from my hiatus, so we'll see how that goes.

I'll probably post the names for my Ao3 and Tiktok accounts once I get those up and running, but it might have to wait.

I think I've typed long enough, and for those of you who made it all the way through this, I am aware that I write like an English teacher, my brain insists upon it, I swear that I am actually 18, and not a time traveler from the 1800s

Edit: apparently Tumblr ate all my posts, so we're gonna try again and see how it goes

Edit #2: Ao3 is Void_Occupant (I like to keep shit simple)

[fanby-fckry]

🕯️🧃

Writers Truth & Dare Ask Game

Thank you for the ask!

🕯️ ⇢ on a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you enjoy editing? why is that?

Hmm, I’m gonna say 8. I actually do enjoy editing quite a bit.

In the earlier stages, I can find placeholders which are usually pretty funny, and even barring that, I just kinda like it.

There are definitely times where I get too into my own head on something, or when spellcheck/grammarcheck are annoying, but more often than not, it’s nice.

Idk if HTML formatting counts as part of editing, but I like doing that, too. It’s a little monotonous sometimes, but it gives me a chance to reread my work because I manually add HTML to my google doc in order to copy-paste it to AO3. (Is there a better way to do that? Probably. But I like my way. :P)

🧃 ⇢ share some personal lore you never posted about before

When I first reblogged this, I thought this meant like… character lore, not my lore, but after rereading, I’m pretty sure it means me?

Hmm… How about a 2 in 1?

I mentioned UH3!Alastor’s father recently – how he was an on-again-off-again presence in Alastor’s life while he was young, and how this contributed to Alastor developing BPD symptoms.

This is based on my own relationship with my father! Unlike Alastor’s parents, my parents were married – were, they’re now happily divorced – and living together, but my father was very much an absent father despite that.

Content Warning: child abuse/child endangerment, both real and fictional

…

…

…

My father worked a lot during my early childhood, and it seemed like when he came home, it was basically just to yell at the rest of us or enforce some kind of control/punishment.

He also used to just leave me places when I upset him. Oh, you’re 11 years old and being “disrespectful” in my car? Pulling over now. Get out and walk. Doesn’t matter if we’re in another town hours from home. This makes you a target for stranger abductions? Shoulda thought of that before you talked back (read: said “no,” cried, asked for clarification, tried to withdraw from the conversation, etc.).

I honestly think that I would have less abandonment issues and possibly not have BPD at all if my dad had fucked off permanently when I was a baby rather than sticking around and being a dick about it.

I’m writing Alastor’s situation as being very similar. He would probably be less fucked up if he was raised exclusively by his mother, but nope! His father pops in every now and again to be a negative presence in his life. And then seals the deal on Al’s abandonment issues by finally fucking off for good only once Alastor is old enough to register it.

Also, the dude definitely left baby Al in the woods on at least one of those hunting trips Alastor mentioned in Bloodlust and Butterflies. Just got pissed off and left.

And I don’t think Alastor told his mother because he didn’t want to bother her with it.

[darthnell]

11, 19, 28, 30, 42

Hi anon ! Ty for the ask ! :D

11. Link your three favorite fics right now.

Oh god three of mine or three in general..??? Um. A..? I guess I’ll do both !!

Three of mine: True Vengeance, THE REPARATION CLAUSE, The Bridges We Burn

Three of others: The Illusion of Life, A Great Leap in the Dark, Mors Vincit Omnia

19. What is the most-used tag on your ao3?

Oh I bet for sure it’s gonna be “graphic depictions of violence” LMAO. Aside from like. The thg fandom tags. Also “original characters” and “alternate universe”. The “canon-typical violence” tag is also my best friend and i love when I surpass that one. Canon atypical violence. I think ive used that one before but only once so it doesn’t count here, but it is funny. OH- the “careers have issues” tag. Also my best friend<3 really fucking excellent tag

28. On average, how much writing do you get done in a day?

Pshhhhh uhhhh…. I’m actually just coming off of an event where i wrote like 35k in the span of 5 weeks which is. Not typical ! This past week-ish I have written exactly Zero words (: …at like. Normal times, I probably can do a solid 1k or in that ballpark. I have been known to bang out like 3k in a day if I’m rly in the zone (i was Unwell last july LMFAO) but also I rly don’t typically write every day. Would like to! Need to build a new schedule though. Hard for me to write on the days when I work but I only work part time atm. I am also. Kind of a slow writer usually. I’ve only written as much as I have bc I write frequently ! ((Or I try to))

30. Do you share rough drafts or do you wait until it’s all polished?

Good god I think I’d perish if I shared rough drafts. Like, on ao3… is that a thing..? So like. My shit isn’t perfect. There’s definitely typos I’ve missed and all that jazz, but I usually heavily edit my chapters before posting. The event I did recently was also like my first time having a beta which was neat but. This is rly silly, bear with me - so I had two separate docs for that, one I wrote the fic in and another that I shared w the betas, because the idea of someone having access to all my rough outlines and watching me on the doc as I write makes me Viscerally uncomfortable, I can’t rly explain it better than that. Anyways, the funny part is, said beta would point out a grammar mistake or typo, and I’d go “nice” and fix it, but forget to fix it on the other doc. So when I. When I posted the fic from the original doc… you can see where this is going maybe. Actual clown idiot moment LMFAO. Tl;dr - I attempt to polish. Doesn’t always turn out shiny jdjddjdk

42. What’s the last fic you read? Do you recommend it?

Ooh ! Last one I read was In The Clear by District11-Olive on FFN. So this one is technically thg but very au; it’s set in modern day Canada where a show called The Cut forced teenaged criminals to fight to the death in order to regain their freedom or get a “second chance”. It’s Really well written and also an excellent commentary on what it means to be a criminal and prison systems in general. This one’s actually the third and final installment of the series, wooh! It’s not complete yet; the story just reached the start of the death match part and its so 👁️👄👁️ It’s also a SYOC fic (Submit Your Own Character). Not open for submissions now, but u might see some of my characters if you check it out c:

Gotta also rec The Furthest Star by geologyisms on FFN since I’m in the middle of (re) reading it.. again 🥺 This is the fic I received from the exchange I took part in recently ! So the main pov char Solan Gardener (D9 tribute in the male slot but uses they/them) was created by me but the story was written by erik/geologyisms ! Ve did such a lovely job with my kiddo u should definitely check it out!! 10/10 new comfort fic fr ;—;

Ty again anon for the question, I had fun !!! <3

[euphoricfilter]

5 for any fic. 6 for "pretty puppy". 7, 9, 10.

-🖤

the first one is so hard

5. What do you wish someone would ask you about (any of my fics)? Answer it now!

literally anything, i love answering questions but i know tumblr is going downhill with interactions so idk how likely that's gonna be which is really sad because it was what i was looking forward to most when i started posting on here. so thank you to everyone that does interact with this blog, they all hold a special place in my heart

you know what i thought about doing the other day, those 'ask my characters anything' type things because i always found them so funny when i used to see other writers do them

6. What’s one fact about the universe of 'pretty puppy' that you didn’t get a chance to mention in the fic itself?

probably information surrounding yoongi's idol life, it's definitely something i glazed over and just left to the imagination and probably unrealistic considering what their actual schedules would be like

7. Any worldbuilding you’re particularly proud of?

looking back at it, i hate this series a lot now (i did think about deleting it but i spent so much time on it so it would just rot in a folder on my laptop) but considering it was one of my first pieces of writing, the 'To Build A Home' universe. i wouldn't say i'm proud of it per say, honestly i don't think i planned it out all that well and there's probably a ton of plot holes but as a (second) starter project it could have been a lot worse and i was able to build like a novel's worth of story (i think the final word count was the length of an average novel)

9. How do you find new fic to read?

if it's on tumblr then recently i've been using the 'for you' page. there's been quite a good few fics i've found on there. every fic i read on here i reblog though so you'll probably see everything i finish reading on tumblr

for ao3 i usually use the additional tag part in edit, i think that's what it's called, and then search whatever i'm looking for and browse a million pages until i find something i like the sound of and then if i really really liked the fic then i go to that writers profile and see if they have anything else i like the look of.

i read this really good kinktober series over the last few days actually, it was from 2019 i think

10. How do you decide what to write?

i don't think i have a distinct way of choosing. when i first started this blog it was based on what dreams i'd had. DTIK and TBAH were both based on scenarios i'd thought of before going to sleep, and then after that i guess stuff like 'helping hands' just came to me and i wrote the story down or if i saw a post that gave me an idea.

for requests, sue me but i haven't been writing them in order of when people submitted them. it honestly depends on how i'm feeling, or how inspired i am by the prompt or if i think i'll have time to finish it over like 2 or 3 days. like if i were to sit down and write something right now then i would veer away from smut requests because i feel so uninspired by smut after my last fic so i'd choose something softer. 'keep quiet' became a thing because i wanted to write a pwp and that request best fit that without me having to do any world building

so i guess i just pick what i feel like writing at the time, i get so eager to write and then lose motivation so quickly, so i think i choose what i know i'm going to enjoy writing. also kind of off topic but i despise starting fics, it's so hard, like i sit there for ages trying to figure out how to start writing, maybe that's what stops my motivation

the curse of starting a fic