#prince phillip is dead

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

book 7 part 11 thoughts! (nov 22nd update)

***THIS POST CONTAINS MASSIVE SPOILERS FOR BOOK 7 PART 11 OF THE MAIN STORY!!*** This spans part 192 to part 211, covering Jack and Ruggie’s dreams.

Please note: this is NOT meant to be a summary or a translation; these are only my initial thoughts on the events that roughly unfold. There may be details overlooked or misunderstood in this post, so PLEASE do not use this as a translation.

Please also note: The part 11 update is split into TWO parts. There will be a separate post made on the 29th when the second part (centering on Leona) is released.

xbsbdkshwkw AZUL FAINTED WITH HIS EYES OPEN FROM THE FALL… This guy keeps taking the Ls early on in this update cuz he also got reminded that Idia recorded him in his own dream shouting “KRACKEN SHOT” which is very embarrassing.

Silver and Azul are able to change into their school uniforms without Idia’s incantation. Apparently Silver mastered the magic of changing clothes because he was so often oversleeping for class and had to prepare quickly for them. This shocks Sebek, who has yet to master this kind of magic. (Maybe it’s also a consequence of him being a first year?? 😂)

They briefly discuss how Silver looks like a prince when he’s riding his horse; Azul saw him in a Magicam cut of the Equestrian Club. Previously, we knew from Riddle’s Ceremonial Robes vignettes that the brown horse he rides is named Vorpal. Here we get confirmation of Silver and Sebek’s horses—Samson (a white horse, sharing the same name as Prince Phillip’s steed) and Tempest, respectively.

They have landed in front of the gates of NRC and run into Jack there. He seems to be rushing to the colosseum…? Let’s follow him!!

OKAY

OKAY

OKAY

JACK HOWL YOu’RE oN MY ShiT LiST OTL YOU KNOW Ehat tHIS GUY DREAmed ABOUT???????!!!?!?!!?! It’s the year after their instaloss to Diasomnia in the interdorm tournament (don’t ask me why Malleus and Leona aren’t off at their internships at this point, dream logic I guess???). Dream!Leona has gathered all odds Savanaclaw in the colosseum to train so this year they can take Malleus and beat Diasomnia head-on, no tricks. HE EVEN GiVES A N OPTIMISTIC SpEECH AbOUT THE POWEr oF TEAMWORK TO RALLY EVERYONE… and declares he’ll be the next “king” 💀 Such overwhelming confidence… JSCK DRWAMED Of a DORM LEADER thAt PLAys BY THE RULES AnD IS 💯 ConFidENT IN THEMEKvES…

Grim is so grossed out seeing this version of Leona that he wants to wake Jack up right the fuck now 😭

AzUL YOU ASSHoLE???? He acts all fake surprised about “the incident” that happened at the intetdorm tournament and like bro had no part in instigating that stampede.

They start to formulate a plan to wake Jack up, but are worried about dream!Leona since Leona irl is a very strong mage, the darkness posing as Leona could be even stronger than usual. But at the same time we can’t risk casting a spell that’s too strong ourselves or it might call Malleus’s attention. They suggest to use Azul as a clincher since he would theoretically have access to all the magic he stole irl in the dream. Surely one of those could help?

Jack scores against the defense, Ruggie. While the Savanaclaw students are going over his play, Yuu and friends stroll up (including Idia vis a full body projection). Grim tells Savanaclaw they’re Team Ramshackle here to play them!

Ruggie says there’s no point; their team is made up of weaklings! But then Azul gives his OWN speech about how Octavinelle and Ignihyde are always dead last in magift tournaments and this time they really trained hard because they wanna be better 🥺 and besides, isn’g magift a game of wits and not brute magic/physical strength??? This catches the attention of dream!Leona who agrees to the play. He considers fellow dorm leaders worthy opponents, and also had a bone yo pick with Sebek and Silver. (Also??? Sounds like Ignihyde got their asses beat by the Pomefiore team in this year’s interdorm tournament.)

HEKP THIS mAn HE’S SuFFERINNNNG 💀 Azul is really out of it so he calls for a time out. Idia takes this opportunity to make fun of him again for being tired now when he was the captain of Golden Trident in his own dream. At least Sebek is nice and offers Azul some water.

Sebek messes up and the frisbee goes out of bounds?? WYat THE FuVk dream!Leona goes over and helps Sebek up after he’s fallen… “Oh, so Jack has made a senpai he can truly respect.” “Oh, the REAL Leona wouldn’t do something so noble like that.” GROSS GROSS GROSS GET IT OUTTA HERE 🤢

Oooh, interesting?? Ortho reasons that when you’re excited, you’re more likely to be influenced by emotions when making decisions; they’ll take advantage of the exercise high everyone on to break through to Jack. He and Jack end up flying out to space as they’re squaring off in magift; when Jack realizes how far he has flown up, he’s shocked. Don’t they need oxygen to breathe here?! It’s here that Ortho reveals this is all a dream to him.

Jack is so shocked by the news that he wakes—and then falls out of the sky?! Silver immediately runs to protect everyone. Idia uses the Dream Form Change to forcibly swap Ortho to his Cerberus Gear and Jack to his Dorm Uniform, which help to cushion the blow of their crash landing. Then dream!Leona comes over to check on Jack and decides to bench him.

The darkness tries to deceive Jack, but he actually punches back and refuses to be tricked. bcdbbsksks He cries a little and goes on about how he was so inspired by watching Leona play on TV he’d watch it over and over… only to be disappointed by reality. Jack goes a little overboard though, he starts attacking US too, thinking we’re fakes as well.

Jack quickly comes to see reason and stops trying to deck us. Sebek still seems salty at Savanaclaw for what they tried to pull in book 2 and again reminds Jack of those injustices, saying he won’t forgive them. To his surprise, Jack admits wrongdoing and says it’s only natural some people would still hold grudges and choose to not forgive them. Sebek is so shocked by the fact that honest people like Jack exist in Savanaclaw. Aw… baby’s having his prejudice challenged…

Mentioning this for the Jack lovers: Jack pets Grim on the head and praises him!

LMAo????? Jack grabs Silver’s arm to travel with them and is shocked by how it looks slender but actually you can tell he has trained a ton by feeling it!

They land in Sunrise City in Sunset Savanna. Everyone tells Jack about Dream Form Change, which he says is a spell that looks like it’s from an anime his kid sister watched before. Jack has a had time saying the spell because he finds it embarrassing, but he’s eventually goaded into it (especially by Sebek, who tells him to chat it with his whole damn chest).

Beastman lore!! Apparently beastmen are considered a genus and all beastmen come from Sunset Savanna; over time, they migrated to other parts of the world, especially to some colder locations northward. Jack’s family is included in this, as well as Sebek’s. His grandfather apparently used to live in the wetlands of Sunset Savanna. I guess it just goes to show that no matter how different their individual practices and beliefs… they have common roots.

While they’re admiring the statue of the lion prince in the center of Sunrise City, they notice no hyenas are among the gathered animals. They suggest that maybe the statue was made before the King of Beasts united all animals; the hyenas used to live in their own place called the Land of Shadows.

They review some Sunset Savanna lore, including how difficult it is to unite beastmen of different kinds and how there's a pushback against development due to many beastmen wanting to respect nature. Sometimes the disputes can become violent, and it's all over the news. SHOCKINGLY, Idia has a moment of clarity and realizes that this must be why Leona chose the internship he did at a mining and energy company 😭

Everyone begins to suspect the dream is Leona’s but right then Ruggie rushes by them, declaring that he’s late for school. Jack is surprised that Ruggie is in glasses because in Savanavlaw he would brag about having good eyes.

Ruggie cuts through the market to get to school on time; he seems friendly with the folks and many of them offer him free food. Jack remarks that Ruggie is seen as a hero in his hometown, so maybe this explains the NPCs’ behavior. Apparently he is also an honors student in this world.

Anyway, Ruggie arrives at Ivory Cliff! It seems this school doesn’t exist irl; it’s only in Ruggie’s dream. Most of it is beastment, and over half are hyenas.

Grim watches Ruggie and mobs A and B eating food and leaps in to get some!! (Azul apologizes and lies that Grim is his familiar, lol) Sebek chides Grim for doing this, but then his own stomach growls, giving his own hunger away. He of course denies his hunger—but Ruggie says it’s okay and invites them all to eat!! The local children come to their campus just to have food too. Ivorycliff Academy was built in honor of the three hyenas who served the King of Beasts. They used to be do starved that they could cry, so the school is dedicated to feeding the hungry in the spirit of solidarity.

BRUH 😭 YOu’RE KIDDING ME… In his dream, Ruggie’s dad never left him… He came back for his son with a fortune he made from working. Ruggie also bought a new car for his granny and never has to be hungry again. Jack wonders if it is really right to take away happiness like that, but ultimately he decides he doesn’t want to see his senpai living a false reality.

Ruggie shows them to a school donut stall with all-you-can-eat toppings. He dumps everything onto a single donut and calls it the "Ruggie Special". The owner drops the lore that in the universe of this dream, apparently LEONA built the school.

According to donut lady, Leona graduated last year and came back after graduating to strengthen his country. He has established several schools and even magift teams. Among young people in the Sunset Savanna, Leona is supposedly also more popular than the crown prince.

Ruggie runs off to class and we stay behind to eat. Donut lady turns to darkness and attacks us, so we beat it back.

Everyone thinks it will be hard to wake Ruggie since he has never met Leona in this reality and doesn’t have any memories of NRC, his club activities, etc. There isn’t much for him to emotionally react to.

WHAT THE HECK is this a Mufasa movie reference in Twst 😭 Ruggie and some mobs talk about a sequel (that’s a live action prequel, I think??) about two characters who are enemies but were actually friends in their youth. Or maybe they’re just talking about some other Lion King prequel I’m not aware of???

J kb bajabakan ahaGayatwHAT

Azul tosses coins of different values which attracts Ruggie’s attention. He has the unique ability to tell the value of a coin just from the sound of it, a skill which Azul learned about from observing Ruggie when he worked part-time at the Mostro Lounge.

Anyway, Ruggie tells mobs A and B to go home without him so he can hunt the coins in peace.

Azul carelessly tosses 500 madol (~5 USD) into the fountain. Ruggie wants it so badly he dives in and starts digging around wildly in the water for the coin. AND AZUL JUST KINDA STANDS THER E TAUNTING HIM LIKE, "OoOOoOoOoh you want that coin so badly, Ruggie, your body moved on instinct BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF, BE GREEDY, GET THAT COIN" (NOT AN ACTUAL TRANSLATION, but in the spirit of what Azul actually says).

I assume this is what the Ivorycliff Uniform Ruggie groovy depicts... Bro's tripping and having a cosmic experience all because he spotted A COUPLE DOLLARS.

Nooot sure how to feel about this as a narrative device. On one hand, it's funny and definitely demonstrates Ruggie's shamelessness. On the other hand, I can see why some may see it as distasteful or humiliating because Ruggie is already so destitute irl and yet here they are using him scrounging around for a few dollars as comedic bit.

Mobs A and B return to check on him. Ruggie starts obsessing to them about how you can buy extra or fancy food like the shrimp gratin set for 500 madol!! Which confuses the mobs because all the food at Ivorycliff is free.

On instinct, Ruggie starts reciting what I assume is true of NRC: basic buffet foods are free, but extra foods are an extra cost… uniforms are free but if you ruin the first set then you need to pay for extra ones… etc. Ruggie points out that Ivorcliff uniforms are sucky anyway, with a light color like this, even a little bit of dirt stands out! Night Raven College uniforms are black, so it’s so convenient! Wooow, what a callback to book 2 💀 Ruggie complained about the RSA uniforms being hard to clean back then too…

We beat the mobs up~

Ruggie falls ot his knees and has a good little cry 😭 but then he recovers and says he’d better be paid a good hourly wage for all this trouble cnbdjssbjsks He agrees to join us because “Well, I wake up Leona-san every day so this is literally no different than my usual routine” though he also admits his success rate is like 60-70%.

dnensjsbahsjajw RUGGUE’S On MY shIT LIST TOO. HOW daRE HE… Bro says he’s going to wake up OUR king now, that he doesn’t want to follow a false king.. ARE YOU FR 💀 JE’S TAlKING AbOUT zbsvsjabskshFd;,,,/;~~\4!’ansnjahVb,dDDGfgGJjkJSDgabakaojrr a kKNBD gbmmkojnkFSAAQWVNmkoggDFFHvjkkp OTL

PAUSE TO STARE AT RUGGIE'S CRYING FACE BECAUSE WHAT THE HELL I FEEL LIKE I'M STARING AT A KICKED PUPPY

And so…! They’re off!!

This update ends up Ruggie’s dream concluding. Next time (on the 29th), it’s time for us to wake up Leona!!

asdbkhlfbyofqeyg80eg8qegppf OKAY. I WAS NOT EXPECT THIS AMOUNT OF LEONA GLAZING IN THIS UPDATE 🤡 Like, GOOD LORD was there a lot of it... I sort of expected it in Jack's dream since he idolizes Leona, but I was not expecting it to come up in Ruggie's dream too. Even though it doesn't seem like Ruggie has met Leona in the universe of his own dream... the dream world still created lore about how Leona successfully graduated and made the decision to come back and better his country, especially for the destitute hyenas like himself 💀💀💀 WHICH JUST GOES TO SHOW THAT EVERYONE IN LEONA'S DORM RESPECTS HIM AND BELIEVES HE CAN LEAD THEM TO A BRIGHTER FUTURE IN THIS ESSAY I WILL--

ASDBKLHABIYOFAYFQEIBAF STFU ME, THIS UPDATE ISN'T ABOUT HIM.. .. . . . ....... . . . ... . .. . . . . . . LET'S TALK ABOUT JACK AND RUGGIE.

I think this update was one of the funnier ones by far. I'm on Grim's side, it was very unnerving to see a helpful, reliable Leona that plays by the rules and is a good sportsman... but at the same time, it's only to be expected of Jack. Since book 2, he's made it clear he looks up to his dorm leader and wants to be able to put his faith in him. It was nice to see everyone acknowledge how a Leona that doesn't hold back is a genuine threat and how this is the version of him that Jack wants to see realized. It's cute how Jack has this pure want to play with Leona and wants to see him as an idealized leader... Definitely puppy-coded behavior.

Something else I really appreciated about Jack's dream is the logic that went into waking him up. It was really a tag-team effort by Azul and Ortho and, unlike previous updates, I felt like the previous OB boy's presence was a Nothing addition to the cast and didn't contribute much. But Azul uses his smooth talking to convince dream!Leona to play against them, and then Ortho isolates Jack to knock some sense into him. I liked that Ortho, the robot, used cold, hard facts to reason his way to a situation where Jack was more likely to react with strong emotionality. Azul becomes useful again in Ruggie's dream, where he single-handedly wakes the guy up with some spare change he had on hand www

The exchange between Sebek and Jack was great, but I wish it had been extended... It feels like they added it to help with Sebek's character arc of overcoming prejuidice about non-fae, which is fine! But I think it should have been carried over into Ruggie's dream (in that section where they talk about different beastmen in the savanna). Like... it would tie together so well if Sebek had a moment of just "............." in indicate that he's thinking about what was just said, about how different beastmen, despite their differences, all originated in the same place. It would show us that he's slowly realizing, little by little, to accept non-fae.

I think Jack attacking us was an interesting beat to include, especially with all the theories swirling about how the Savanaclaw update will be the one to shake up the formula. Perhaps this is a preview of what's to come in Leona's section??? It proves Ortho's point that you're more likely to think and act with your emotions leading you rather than logic if you're already hyped about something. (In Jack's case, he was still coming off the caution and the high of beating back dream!Ruggie and Leona.)

I felt very similar to Jack in Ruggie's dream, doubting whether or not it was morally right to rip someone away from their happiness--especially considering all that Ruggie has gone through. Little guy was so devastated to find out the truth too... When I think about it, he's gone through so much tragedy in his life. His mom's dead, his dad left him, he grew up destitute and having to scrape by, he had to get LITERAL GARBAGE (depicted in the manga adaptation) to survive some days. It's no wonder why the people in his hometown call him their hero, it's a miracle that he lived this long and managed to get into a prestigious school. I think Ruggie's dream also highlights that he's not JUST greedy because he's greedy. Ruggie clearly cares about other people living well too (something alluded to early in book 4), because why else would Ivorycliffs casually offer free food to everyone and anyone? Why else would he spend tons of cash to buy his grandma stuff? He's thankful for what he has and wants to give back to the community that supported him. The supportive community is also generally reflected in his dream, specifically the market he passes on his way to school.

Ultimately, I do think it's for the best that Ruggie was roused awake because um... HEY, THE WORLD IS GOING TO END. Coming to that conclusion also speaks a lot about Jack's character: above all, he values honesty, even if the truth hurts. Excellent carry-over from book 2 (where he was the whistleblower), honestly.

One thing I wished they had expanded on was the relation of hyenas to other beastmen. It’s implied they are second class citizens, but it’s never clearly stated why that is other than “oh they live in a place that lions didn’t rule”. I would have liked more historical context for that discrimination; it would have helped to flesh out the world.

Overall, liked this update a lore more than the previous ones. I don’t know if I can still say this after the second part comes out (because I’ve usually had the most criticism for how the OB boys’ dreams ate handled), but so far I’m surprised by Jack and Ruggie (in a good way). Fingers crossed for the 29! 🤞

[pissditching]

dianne feinstein dying on hesitant alien day prince phillip dropping dead on gerard's birthday......... me thinks i sees a pattern

[hamletthedane]

Hamlet’s Age

Not to bring up an age-old debate that doesn’t even matter, but I have been thinking recently how interesting Hamlet’s age is both in-text and as meta-text.

To summarize a whole lot of discussion, we basically only have the following clues as to Hamlet’s age:

Hamlet and Horatio are both college students at Wittenberg. In Early Modern/Late Renaissance Europe, noble boys typically began their university education at 14 and usually completed at their Bachelor’s degree by 18 or 19. However, they may have been studying for their Master’s degrees, which was typically awarded by age 25 at the latest. For reference, contemporary Kit Marlowe was a pretty late bloomer who received a bachelor’s degree at 20 and a master’s degree at 23.

Hamlet is AGGRESSIVELY described as a “youth” by many different characters - I believe more than any other male shakespeare character (other than 16yo Romeo). While usage could vary, Shakespeare tended to use “youth” to mean a man in his late teens/very early 20s (actually, he mostly uses it to describe beardless ‘men’ who are actually crossdressing women - likely literally played by young men in their late teens)

King Hamlet is old enough to be grey-haired, but Queen Gertrude is young enough to have additional children (or so Hamlet strongly implies)

Hamlet talks about plucking out the hairs of his beard, so he is old enough to at least theoretically have a beard

In the folio version, the gravedigger says he became a gravedigger the day of Hamlet’s birth, and that he’s be “sixteene here, man and boy, thirty years.” However, it’s unclear if “sixteene” means “sixteen” or “sexton” (ie has he worked here for 16 years but is 30 years old, or has he been sexton there for thirty years?)

Hamlet knew Yorick as a young child, and the gravedigger says Yorick was buried 23 years ago. However, the first quarto version version of Hamlet says “dozen years” instead of “three and twenty.” This suggests the line changed over time. (Or that the bad quarto sucks - I really need to make that post about it, huh…)

Yorick is a skull, and according to the gravedigger’s expertise, he has thus been dead for at least 7-8 years - implying Hamlet is at least ~15yo if he remembers Yorick from his childhood

One important thing sometimes overlooked - Claudius takes the throne at King Hamlet’s death, not Prince Hamlet. That is mostly a commentary on English and French monarchist politics at the time, but it is strange within the internal text. A thirty year old Hamlet presumably would have become the new monarch, not the married-in uncle (unless Gertrude is the vehicle through which the crown passes a la Mary I/Phillip II - certainly food for thought)

Honestly, Hamlet is SO aggressively described as being very young that I’m fairly confident the in-text intention is to have him be around 18-23yo. Placing his age at 30yo simply does not make much sense in the context of his descriptors, his narrative role, and his status as a university student.

However, it doesn’t really matter what the “right” answer is, because the confusion itself is what makes the gravedigger scene so interesting and metatextual. We can basically assume one of the following, given the folio text:

Hamlet really is meant to be 30yo, and that was supposed to surprise or imply something to the contemporary audience that is now lost to us

Older actors were playing Hamlet by the time the folio was written down, and the gravedigger’s description was an in-text justification of the seeming disconnect between age of actor and description of “youth”

Older actors were playing Hamlet by the time the folio was set down, and the gravedigger’s description was an in-text JOKE making fun of the fact that a 30-something year old is playing a high-school aged boy. This makes sense, as the gravedigger is a clown and Hamlet is a play that constantly pokes fun at its own tropes and breaks the fourth wall for its audience

The gravedigger cannot count or remember how old he is, and that’s the joke (this is the most common modern interpretation whenever the line isn’t otherwise played straight). If the clown was, for example, particularly old, those lines would be very funny

Any way you look at it, I believe something is echoing there. It seems like this is one of the many moments in Hamlet where you catch a glimpse of some contemporary in-joke about theater and theater culture* that we can only try to parse out from limited context 430 years later. And honestly, that’s so interesting and cool.

*(My other favorite example of this is when Hamlet asks Polonius about what it was like to play Julius Caesar in an exchange that pokes fun of Polonius’ actor a little. This is clearly an inside-joke directed at Globe regulars - the actor who played Polonius must have also played Julius Caesar in Shakespeare’s play, and been very well reviewed. Hamlet’s joke about Brutus also implies the actor who played Brutus is one of the main cast in Hamlet - possibly even the prince himself, depending on how the line is read).

[quess-art]

Character Design for Princess Leah, mother of Silver

Design notes & Headcanons!

We very limited information about Leah so most of my choices are headcanons

Her princess design is based on King Henrik's colours which I assume are the colours of royalty

Since the Knight of Dawn's hair colour is Aurora's, Leah's hair is based on Prince Phillip's hair colour

Leah's dress is based on Aurora's and Aurora's mother's dresses in the Sleeping Beauty movie, especially the veil, dress cut, and accessory shape (modelled after Aurora's crown)

As the Princess of Dawn, many see Leah as a kind and beautiful princess who is always surrounded by butterflies attracted to her spirit

Although she isn't unkind, she has a sense of pride and petty vengeance. Many don't know that pretty-looking insects aren't the only critters around her

Like how Silver attracts animals and woodland critters, Leah attracts insects and arthropods. To an extent, she can communicate with these creatures. Thanks to this, crops grown on this land are bountiful and infestations are extremely rare

Leah is usually seen working in the castle so she uses the time surveying farmlands as moments of respite from maintaining the royal image (she also learned a lot of swears due to this)

Almost like Silver, when she sleeps, she's dead to the world. She's gotten used to waking up with her little friends crawling around/on her. When her future-husband was assigned to be her guard, he nearly had a heart attack the first time he saw this

She has 3 creatures she's especially close with: Albert XLI the silk moth, Ravanche the centipede, and Paon the jumping spider. She planted Ravanche multiple times on Henrik when they were younger when he was being stupid or annoying

She almost used her again when she saw Henrik antagonizing her husband but he stopped her. She constantly reminds him that he has already repaid the royal family for taking him in when he was younger but his sense of integrity and knighthood always seeks to repay the kingdom

But she is no knight or fighter. When the war ravaged the lands and fae-human relations broke in part due to Henrik's foolishness, she was separated from her knight and husband throughout the war

[jupiterisaroace]

Is Captain Hook dead in Descendants?

Not Hook in Rise of Red of course but I mean in the other ones.

We know that in Peter Pan he gets eaten by the clockodile but is that canon in Descendants? I know there are a lot of people that should be dead in Descendants but aren’t. All I can think of right now is that Mother Gothel should’ve been dead but had Ginny Gothel so maybe Hook isn’t dead?

I know in the first book it talked about how Maleficent remembered being killed by prince Phillip but she then woke up from her death & ended up on The Isle so maybe that happened to Hook too?

I also remember in the first book when it was talking about Evie’s party it mentioned Hook in it saying, “-and for old times’ sake, Captain Hook bravely stuck his head between Tick-Tock’s open jaws, if only so he could make her laugh and hear that lovely peal again.” so does that mean he’s still alive?

But that makes me confused on Harry’s attachment to his hook. I always assumed it was his dad’s hook (or one of his old hooks) & if Hook died then that’d make more sense why Harry would literally jump into water with killer sharks just to save his hook. I mean, yes, he could just like his hook as well but personally I wouldn’t jump into that kind of water for some common accessory I love unless it was given to me by someone.

That makes me wonder if Hook gave Harry a hook but Hook never died? Like, it would’ve been a gift from Hook & Harry probably wants to be like his father so having something like that would mean so much to him?

It’s confusing meeee😭

[absurdthirst]

Ok I got a weird one for ya…..

Which of the P boys would be a sperm donor?

What if their female friend wanted a child or she’s flipping through a sperm donor book and stumbles across a Prince from Dorne or a handsome DEA agent but can she resist the cute pilot?

Who Would Be A Sperm Donor:

**Female Reader

Javier Peña: Hell no. Not at all. Never. He was lucky that he had managed to never knock anyone up, he would never donate sperm for a child he would not be involved with.

Ezra: Shocked you would want his sperm. Questions if you understand that he will not be around to help you with this child. He's willing to give you his seed, but then disappears on the first freighter out of the system. What do you do with the doctors and his sperm is up to you. He's already spent the credits you gave him.

The Mandalorian: Is against it at first. Reminds you that he is a bounty hunter with a youngling he has adopted, he won't be able to help you out with a child. Eventually comes around to it. Gets you pregnant the old fashioned way and never leaves again. Well, he does - but he always comes back.

Pero Tovar: Food, a bed and a hot cunt? Pero is surprised that you are so wanting a child you are willing to have his bastard. Can be talked into it with a few cups of beer and flashing your tits at him. Surprised Pikachu face when he comes back next winter and there is a child there. Ends up staying in the village and raising the boy with you.

Agent Whiskey: NO. Absolutely not. After his wife and baby boy died, Jack got the snip. There are no babies in his future.

Frankie Morales: You have to talk Frankie into this. Yes, he would have to admit that he has also give a sperm sample when he was young and dumb. Later on, he tried to withdraw the right to use it - but it had already been used. Now he has to wonder if there is a little Morales out there that he doesn't know of and he doesn't know if he can do it again. Eventually he comes around and feels a little awkward when it comes to giving the sample and listening to what they will do to you to give you that baby you want. Quietly inquires if he could give the baby any of his benefits.

Dave York: Dave donated when he was younger. Probably still at the sperm bank, but he was young and about to deploy for the first time. He had wondered what would happen if he died, so he had gone down and donated his sperm. If you want that, he can show you which clinic, or he can give you a fresh sample but Carol can never find out.

Oberyn Martell: Done. Is there really any question? You want a child and he would love to bed you. But you will raise his child in the shades of the Water Gardens and they will become another one of his beloved Sand Snakes.

Marcus Pike: VERY conflicted. He would love to help you out, but he's also had a lot of dreams of having his own children. Children that he has a very hands on approach to raising. Honestly, he's turning you down. Not because he isn't sympathetic, but there is no way he can have a child out there that he's not in their life.

Max Phillips: Sure! Let's do this! It has to be the old fashioned way though. And does it matter that his sperm is technically dead?

Marcus Moreno: He's had sooooooo many requests for this. Do you know how many people want to have a Heroic's baby? Thinking that it would increase their chances of the child having Heroic abilities, the requests can sometimes be overwhelming. He will have to turn you down. His answer is always no.

Max Lord: Sure. If you invest in Black Gold, Inc.

Zach Wellison: Reluctantly admits that he's donated before. He got paid for each donation, so.....yeah. There was a time where he was donating blood, plasma and sperm to trying to survive. A little ashamed of it, but he did what he had to do. If you want a kid, he'll do it again, you've been a great friend to him.

Javi Gutierrez: Surprised. Honored. A little scared of the idea. You have to very thoroughly explain everything to him and he will go with you to a doctor's appointment to get even more information. A little sad that he wouldn't have any rights to the child unless you agree. Eventually decides that he will do it. Anything for the woman he secretly loves.

Dieter Bravo: Are you trying to shake him down for money? To get child support from an Oscar winner? He is squinting at you suspiciously before he asks if you want to do a line of Coke with him.

Tim Rockford: He studies the idea like he would a case. Digging into the information and talking to people who have used sperm donors and the donors themselves. Eventually decides that he will do it for you. But then he misses every damn appointment for the donation because he was working on a case.

Joel Miller: Pre-Outbreak Joel would think that you are joking. Laughing at your suggestion until he realizes that you aren't laughing with him. Asking why him. Why would you want him to give you a baby? Talks about it with Sarah and only turns you down because she would have different expectations of having a sibling than what you would want. Post-Outbreak Joel would think that you have lost your fucking mind. Good luck ever getting in his pants now that he knows you want a kid in this godforsaken timeline.

Marcus Acacius: You want his seed? He is unsure of this, because he knows that he will fall in battle at any time, but he knows that you will be able to take care of a child. Plus, he will be able to spend a good amount of time in your bed, taking those memories with him when he leaves on his next campaign of the glory of Rome.

[laughing-moonlight]

To me, one of the funniest things in Power Rangers is Prince Phillip's character arc.

He had one (1) encounter with monsters (which included him being: threatened, pinned down, thrown about and almost killed), seeing the Rangers (one of which being the "long-dead" famous Knight who protected his ancestors and immediately recognised him as "his" Prince) fight said monsters and see them use their Zords to beat the crap out of Fury.

This guy immediately deciding: fuck yeah! I wanna do this again! Screw being a Prince I wanna fight monsters and ride in giant robots with my sexy Knight and new bestie the Caveman! And then proceedes to accquire several dinosaur skulls until he finally found an Energem. Which considering he wouldn't have even known which dinosaurs to look for, must've been a lot. He was blowing his money on fossilised lizard heads just so he could wear spandex and kick ass. Not to mention the man has been TRAINING! He learned martial arts just so he could kick ass whenever he wanted. Respect.

Then he had his little arc when he realises he can't just spend money on whatever he wants to be worthy of being a Ranger. Which is fair. And hilarious because it extends so much further than him essentially renovating Amber Beach (see: fossilised lizard heads). But then he saves Chloe Randall and is finally seen as worthy...and IMMEDIATELY kicks ass! No hesitation. Princey is in it for the long haul! But then he realises "ah shit, still have a kingdom to run. But call me whenever you need me! Or just to chat because I'm the only adult other than Kendall and she'll definitely wanna vent about these guys some time. I can tell.". Also I think he just got pseudo-adopted by Keeper.

And then he comes back in another episode to essentially buy the museum so they don't go into debt and lose the base. I mean, technically he's just telling Ivan that the gold he left in the bank 800 years ago made him rich so he can save his friends, but Phillip somehow knew all this from Europe. He knew the museum was shutting down in America from Europe. And none of the team even told him!

(NEWS: Prince of Zandar caught just casually having lunch with his spandex besties in the middle of nowhere, America. Looks annoyed he got interrupted. More at 5.)

His other iconic exploits including:

-Telling the others that his scientists have confirmed the Silver Energem is not on earth. Which means he's been telling people. About the Energems. GDI Phillip you had ONE JOB!

-Willingly dressing up as a mummy-security guard to save the others from being vaporised during Intergalactic Court, going trick-or-treating with everyone afterwards like the Prince he is

-Seeing a Vivix (who is actually a human girl trapped in it's body) with makeup on and having the most disgusted look on his face. He did not hesitate.

-He, Kendall, James and Zenowing being the team adults. A.K.A. the only ones who own a sense of self-preservation. Which is funny, because Phillip is ready to throw hands 110% of the time. He's just good at hiding it. Keeper has him clocked though

-He hasn't canonically done this one but now the museum is now a dinosaur zoo, you know damn well Kendall had to let him take the Pachycephalosaurus back to Zandar with him because he was bugging her about it

So? Prince Phillip III of Zandar is the underrated King of my heart. If you just focus for a minute you can see that he's actually unhinged and he's making it everyone's problem. Man knew damn well what he wanted out of that Energem and got even more. Phenomenal.

They did not have to make the British Prince a Power Ranger but I'm so glad they did.

[ash5monster01]

Dead Poets Society as Disney Prince’s

including my reasons for why :)

Neil as Prince Phillip (Sleeping Beauty)

because they’re both extremely sassy and Neil also fell in love just from the sound of Todd’s voice.

Todd as Prince Charming (Cinderella)

I feel like I don’t really have to explain this but Todd would also search an entire kingdom for Neil using just his shoe.

Charlie as Flynn Rider (Tangled)

cocky (also uses a fake name)

Knox as Prince Florian (Snow White)

both kisses girls while they’re sleeping

Cameron as Prince Adam (Beauty and The Beast)

both transition from boy/beast at random times because of their attitude (also red heads)

Meeks as Aladdin (Aladdin)

wicked smart, like crazy smart. Meeks too would be a genius in picking wishes if he only had three chances (sadly you can’t wish to bring back the dead 😔)

Pitts as Prince Eric (The Little Mermaid)

both love red heads

[enby-jellyfish]

Once Upon A Dream

Part of the Baldur's Gate 3 Fairytale AU Collection

Sleeping Beauty!Astarion X GN!Prince Phillip!Reader (POC friendly)

Pronouns: You/Your, They/Them

Summary: Astarion gets a second curse after accidentally upsetting Cazador, however shall he get out of this one?

Warnings: Canon typical abuse/torture, minor character death, crying, graphic depiction of violence.

Word Count: 2952

A/N: Don't mind me, just giving Astarion some more angst :) (don't worry, it has a happy ending)

Once upon a time there was a young elf who, after a terrible incident where he was assaulted and almost killed by a gang of Gur, was turned into a vampire by the self-proclaimed ‘master of all evil’, the Vampire Lord, Cazador Szarr.

After his turning, Astarion was forced into servitude and the only interactions he was allowed besides with his master was when he was made to seduce and lure unknowing people back to the Szarr palace for his master to feed on while he was made to make do with dead rats and bugs.

If Astarion were to disobey in any way there would be a harsh punishment; beatings, starvation, cutting, isolation. The isolation was the worst.

One night when Astarion was on his way to fetch another poor unfortunate soul for his master he got almost run over by the horse drawn cart of an old woman, falling and ripping his doublet in the process.

The old woman had profusely apologised as she helped him up, insisting for him to come with her to her cottage not far up the dirt road so she could fix up his torn clothes. Astarion tried to refuse at first, fearing what his master would do to him if he didn’t manage to bring someone back, but eventually caved, agreeing to go with her if she would be quick.

The old woman had been overjoyed, practically dragging him onto her cart and prattling away about how it has been so long since her children had come to visit, how she misses spoiling them, and how she recently became a grandmother.

When they arrive at her quaint cottage, she sits him down in a far too soft armchair and puts on a kettle before grabbing a basket with various dyed wools, comparing the colours to the one of Astarion’s doublet whilst continuing to make conversation with him.

When she finds the closest match, the kettle starts whistling and she pours two cups of tea, handing one to Astarion and keeping one for herself as she sits by an old spinning wheel and gets to work.

Astarion doesn’t drink the tea, he can’t consume anything but blood since his turning, but still feels a sense of comfort from the warmth of the cup. Listening to the old woman talk isn’t that bad either.

The warmth of the cup mixed with the smell of the tea, the soft chair, and the sound of the old lady’s voice and the soft creaking of the spinning wheel puts him in an almost hypnotic state of calm. He hasn’t felt like this in years.

After spinning enough thread, she asks for his doublet and expertly mends the tear. When she is done it’s like it was never torn to begin with.

When Astarion ‘finishes’ his tea, he poured it in a plant when she wasn’t looking, she waves him off, telling him to come by any time.

Astarion continues what he was let out of the palace for, the kind spinster in the back of his mind.

After that night he stopped by the cottage every time he was on his way to town, the old spinster welcoming him with open arms and a hot cup of tea waiting for him.

Unfortunately, Astarion should have known he was not meant to have good things.

Cazador had become suspicious at his spawn’s increasing change in character, he had become more calm, less jittery, and decided to follow him, not at all liking what he saw.

The next time Astarion visited the cottage it lacked the familiar warmth it usually had, a cold chill running down his spine when he entered. “Well, well, well. If it isn’t my pathetic excuse of a spawn. So, this is what you have been doing while you should have been doing what I sent you out for.”

Astarion feels sick to his stomach, fighting every instinct in his body to turn around and face his master instead of running away. It’s not like he could go far anyway.

“Master, I-” He tries to explain. “I don’t want to hear your excuses. You broke the rules Astarion.” Cazador tuts like he is scolding a child. “Although, maybe your new friend here would like to hear an apology, you are the cause of her impending death after all.” He roughly pulls out the old spinster from behind him. “Go on.”

Astarion takes a shaky breath. “I- I’m so sorry. I never meant for this to happen.” Tears start rolling down his face. “Oh, hush child. I know, and I forgive you.” She is crying too now. “I am sorry too, one day you will receive all the love and kindness you deserve, Astarion. I promise.”

Cazador interrupts them with a sound of disgust. “What a sickening display, that’s enough out of you.” He grabs the spinster by the sides of her head and with one swift movement jerks her head to the side, breaking her neck with a sickening crack.

A pained noise escapes Astarion’s mouth, a cross between a sob and a gasp, his hand quickly coming up in an attempt to prevent more noise from coming out. Tears are streaming down his face when Cazador harshly grabs it, stepping over the dead body of the spinster.

“Now, what to do with you, hmm?” Cazador looks around the room, his gaze landing on the spinning wheel in the corner. “The isolation always had the biggest effect on you, hadn’t it? A month in the dungeon should suffice. But what about future offences?”

He walked over to where his staff stood propped up against a wall. “If you break the rules again,” The staff begins exuding a lime green light, the air growing thick with magic. “, you shall prick your finger on the spindle of a spinning wheel and fall into a dreamless sleep, never to awaken, trapped within the darkness of your own mind.”

Astarion falls to his knees. “NO, please master I beg of you, have mercy!” Cazador scoffs. “Mercy?” He pretends to think about it. “Fine, I’ll be merciful, you have been bringing me my prey as I ordered, despite your… escapades.” Cazador inhales sharply. “All right, I’ll give you a chance to break your curse.”

The staff brightens again. “Your curse shall be broken by receiving a true love’s kiss.” The light fades and Cazador grabs Astarion’s face again, smiling down at him. “As if you could find anyone that will be able to love you.”

Astarion spends the following month in the dungeon. His cell is small, cold, and moist. He feels utterly and absolutely alone. That is, until he falls asleep. Ever since that unfortunate night he has been having a strange dream.

He is dressed in formal clothes, dancing on the clouds with someone. He can never remember anything about this person when he wakes up, except the overwhelming feeling of love he has for this person.

Every day, it's the same dream, and every night, it's the same nightmare.

The dream continues when Astarion is let out of the dungeon. Part of him is happy it stayed; the dream provides him with the only comfort he has in his forced servitude. Another part is upset, because the dream reminds him that this will always be what it is, a dream.

Years later, Astarion is on his usual way to town, practicing his memorised lines as he walks. Lost in thought he suddenly gets pushed into the ditch. “HEY, watch where y-”

“I AM SO SORRY, I don’t know what got into him, are you hurt?” Astarion looks up, rubbing his head, squinting as he watches his, apparently unwilling, assailant jump off their horse, rushing to his aid.

You pull him up. “Are you hurt?” You repeat, looking the stranger in his ruby eyes.

Huh, there’s something familiar about him.

The two of you stare at each other for a moment, lost in each other’s beauty while trying to figure out if you’ve met before.

Astarion breaks the silence. “Uh, no, I’m fine.” You are confused for a second before remembering your question. “Oh, right. That’s good.” You reluctantly let his cold hands go. “Say, how about you let me buy you a drink?” The question spills from your lips before you can stop it.

He has an odd look in his eye. Was that too forward? “Uh, to make up for my horse pushing you down!” Astarion takes in your question. On the inside he’s panicking. Who is this person? Why does he feel this way? Pull. Yourself. Together!

“And what makes you think I would accept a drink from a stranger? For all I know you could be a murderer, waiting for a moment of weakness before you strike.” The words come out just as he had practiced, smooth, flirtatious. He regains some of his confidence, only for it to be completely shattered again by the laugh you let out. “Oh, but we aren’t strangers!”

“Aren’t we?” Astarion is sure you’ve never met before, he would have remembered, yet he can’t shake that familiar feeling. “No, we’ve met before, once upon a dream.” It’s corny for sure, calling him the man of your dreams. But he is, isn’t he? You’ve had that same dream since you can remember.

Astarion is stunned. No, they can’t be- but maybe? “Right, how could I forget.” He lets out a nervous chuckle, deciding to just surrender to the moment. “I’ll allow you to buy me a drink, but I want to know your name first.” You smile and tell him your name; he repeats it before telling you his.

With that the two of you go off to find a tavern. You spend the whole night talking, drinking, and dancing. It’s almost too good to be true.

Astarion wants this night to last forever, but alas. The sun is coming up soon. He had to get going if he didn’t want to get burned.

“Same time tomorrow?” He smiles at you. “I’ll see you in my dreams before then, darling.” He kisses your hands and departs for the palace.

When Astarion enters the palace, he is met with an eery humming sound coming from above. In a daze, he follows the noise up several flights of stairs, to a room in a tower he’s never been before.

The room is empty, except for a spinning wheel, seemingly spinning on its own. Astarion feels an uncontrollable need to touch it. The humming is almost deafening as he gets closer, reaching out his hand.

With a hiss Astarion pricks his finger on the spindle and immediately feels woozy. Tearing his sluggish gaze from the bead of blood on his finger, he notices a dark figure standing in the doorway before everything goes dark.

Astarion doesn’t show up the next night, or the one after that. Your dreams have also stopped. Whispers have started circulating throughout town about a cursed palace. It’s not much to go on but considering it all happened at the same time you take it as a clue.

You start asking around, learning that the palace belongs to the feared Vampire Lord, Cazador Szarr, and that he hasn’t been seen since the supposed curse. With that information you take off, with your trusty steed, strong armour, and a sharpened sword, ready for anything you might find.

The first thing you notice is the plant life. What once must have been beautiful roses have overgrown the palace, its thorns digging into the stone, making sure nothing can get in, or out. You hop off your horse, unsheathe your sword and start cutting away at the thick stems. With some effort you manage to clear an entrance and enter the palace.

“Either you are incredibly stupid to try and break into a cursed Vampire Lord’s palace, or that snivelling worm actually succeeded in making someone fall in love with him, which would also not make you the brightest.” Startled you turn to face who you assume to be Cazador. “You’re talking about Astarion.” You grip your sword a little tighter.

He laughs manically at you. “Look at you, his knight in shining armour! I’m almost rooting for you, almost. But to truly win me over you’ll need to defeat the dragon first, of course.” You don’t like where this is going. “Dragon?”

He laughs again, his eyes now glowing a lime green. His voice starts sounding distorted, deeper than it was. His bones start shifting and he begins to grow.

You sheath your sword and take off, not needing to see what is happening to know he is turning himself into a dragon.

The ground shakes beneath your feet as Cazador follows you, letting out a growl and flapping his giant wings.

You find yourself in a ballroom, catching your breath you quickly formulate a plan. The tall room has several pillars holding up the ceiling, a staircase ascending to a balcony that overlooks the room, intricate banners hanging from the balustrade. You can make do with that.

With that thought, Cazador bursts through the entrance, taking down the door and part of the wall with him. Quickly you run for a pillar, managing to hide behind it right when Cazador sends a burst of fire your way, the flames just barely missing you. You try and slow your breathing, waiting for his next move.

Impatient with his now giant body, Cazador smashes his tail through the pillar, forcing you to start running for the stairs. You almost make it until a giant clumsy claw scratches at your arm, ripping off the armour. You scream in pain and stumble to escape up the stairs, just barely missing the next fire burst from Cazador’s mouth. You make your way to the balustrade and pry off a banner, grasping the heavy fabric close to your chest.

Your lungs are burning, beads of sweat are rolling down your face, and your arm hurts like hell, blood dripping down the limb, mixing with your sweat. Shakily you stand, facing the dragon.

You throw the banner at Cazador’s face before he can blast more fire at you, forcing him to stop and swat away the fabric so he can see, but he isn’t quick enough. You use the balustrade as a step, jumping to the dragon’s face, unsheathing your sword in the process and stabbing the dragon through its shout.

The both of you go down, you roll away with your sword as soon as you hit the ground. You shakily get up, watching Cazador starting to shrink, clawing at his face. He may not be dead, but he’s definitely incapacitated for a bit. Good enough.

You sheath your sword and rush back to the now destroyed entrance, running through hallways and up stairs until you finally find what you came here to find.

The tower is almost empty, a wooden coffin sits nailed shut in the middle. You use your sword as leverage to break open the coffin. Inside lays Astarion, cold, not moving, not breathing.

You are too late.

Tears roll down your cheeks as you cup his face. “I’m sorry.” You whisper tearfully before pressing a soft kiss to his forehead.

You stay there for a moment, your forehead pressed against his, until you feel his chest start to rise and fall. Confused you press your hand to his chest, feeling the steady thumping of a heartbeat. You watch stunned as his eyelashes begin to flutter and he opens his eyes. No longer are they ruby, but sapphire instead.

You mutter his name in disbelief. He looks at you with a dazed expression his hand coming up to hold yours. He feels warm.

Astarion slowly sits up, running his tongue over his teeth before looking at you in shock. “You’ve broken both of my curses?” You laugh nervously. “What can I say, I’ve always been an overachiever.” He laughs too, squeezing your hand.

“C’mon, let’s get out of here. You’ve been here long enough” You pull him up and the two of you stumble down the tower, almost exiting the palace before you hear a gargling sound.

You turn and are met with the sight of Cazador, back in his usual form, crawling towards you on the floor, his face covered in blood. The viscous liquid dripping down his neck and onto his expensive shirt.

Astarion looks from his former master to you, a mix of rage and grief thundering behind his eyes. You unsheathe your sword for the final time, extending the weapon to Astarion. “You can do with him as you please.”

Astarion takes your sword and stalks over to the bloodied vampire on the ground. He grabs Cazador by the hair, turning him over to face him before stabbing. Astarion drops the vampire and uses two hands to drive the sword through his former master again, and again, and again. Eventually he stops, Cazador long dead, dropping the sword as he lets out a tortured scream. Astarion is sobbing now and covered in blood.

Carefully you move to kneel next to him. The second you put your hand on him he flings himself at you, crying into your shoulder as he releases the grief over all those years of torture and abuse.

Eventually he calms down and you both get up, exhausted as you leave the palace. You help him on your horse, who miraculously stayed through all that, and start riding back to town.

You stop only briefly to watch the sunrise, Astarion closing his eyes and basking in the sunshine, knowing that the two of you will now be able to continue to live happily ever after.

The end.

Masterlist

Tag list: @glitterandgoldfinds

Thank you for reading <3

[chowplanet]

I usually try not to rant here, but right now, I'm fuming all because dumb people think Prince Harry is not King Charles' son. Now I'm seeing people don't think JFK jr was JFK's son. Mind you JFK jr looks like his father JFK sr. when he was a toddler. If you look at junior's toddler photos you could see he has jfk's eyebrows and nose. It all changed up once he got older. Jfk jr natural hair color is not even that dark to be Onassis guy or the Gianni A.'s child. His natural color hair looks a bit dark brown hair and light brown hair. It even looks like it got some blonde in it. We all know JFK's natural color hair was mixed between brown and red hair. JFK Jr's mouth area resembles JFK's. Those two both have lazy eyes as well and the same eyes shaped. His teeth are also similar to his dad. Also the hairline and forehead area have a striking resemblance. Junior's body shape looks like his father’s. Only thing is junior worked put more. JFK couldn't work out a lot due to his back injuries. Both the father and the son have the same ears and head shape. Junior's face is a bit longer, but it is similar to his uncles Ted Kennedy and Joe Kennedy jr and his grandfather Joe Kennedy sr. He also looks like his grandfather Jackie's father. I know you guys are questioning how did JFK jr came out looking a little darker compare to his father. It is because Jackie and her paternal side of the family are dark. When both him and his sister Caroline were teenagers their facial structure were very similar. JFK himself appearances changed through out the years before he got assassinated. He was on multiple medications due to his injuries and his sickness. So one of the side effects made his face look bloated and his eyes Puffy looking. You have to go by his photos from when he was in his teens, 20s, and 30s to see a difference. Also RFK, JFK, RFK jr, JFK, and JFK's grandson all have this hair chest trail that goes all the way down to their belly button. So my point is here. Stop the bullcr*p. Stop making it seem Jackie was some kind of a "thot" that was hooking up with random while she was married to JFK. That Onassis guy was a short guy. JFK jr is tall just like his dad JFK. So again quit the bullcr*p.

I also want you guys to stop playing on Princess Diana's name while she is still dead. Prince Harry does not look nothing like that bodyguard y'all claim to be his real daddy. They don't even have the same facial structure. The only thing they have in common is the red hair, but Diana's brother is a redhead and Prince Phillip, Harry's grandfather was a red head. Prince Harry looks like his grandfather if you search young Prince Phillip's photos. As Harry is getting older he looks exactly like his father Charles. Those two even have the same "eyes to close" in the center of their faces. I can not believe people can not see the resemblance. Leave the Kennedys alone. They have been through enough.

[brokenheartedtheologian]

Reviews of all 8 Bridgerton Books (contains spoilers)

The TV show has more dramatic subplots and diversity, but the books have more emotional realism.

The Duke and I (Daphne's Story): In the TV series, Simon's choice to deny Daphne children (even to the point of being willing to die in a duel to avoid having kids) seems arbitrary, pointless, and dickish. In the book series, where you can get more inside the main character's heads, it all makes sense. His real fear is repeating the cycle of trauma and abusing his children the way his father abused him. Daphne convinces him he will be kind and loving to a stuttering child should he ever have one, and that's how the business gets resolved. This is the most touching scene of the book, and it's a crime they left it out of the TV series.

The Viscount Who Loved Me (Anthony's Story): Surprisingly, the TV series dealt with Anthony's dead dad trauma more meaningfully than the book did! The book mostly dwells on Anthony's illogical conviction that he will die before he grows older than his father. Whereas the TV show vividly depicts how traumatized he was by his mother's grief and how he was thrust into the role of parenting his siblings and his mother. In the TV show, Anthony's fear of love makes way more sense, as he associates true love with the insane grief and depression his mother experienced. In the book, that is just much less clear. However, I give the book points for keeping the relationship between Kate and her sister completely loving and drama-free, with no rivalry over Anthony (I'm not a big fan of altar-dumping scenes or pitting women against each other).

An Offer from a Gentleman (Benedict's Story): This was my least favorite book in the series by far, it's a retelling of Cinderella (never my favorite fairytale) with Benedict as Prince Charming. But Benedict pressures Sophie/Cinderella to become his mistress in some rather rape-y ways before they get to the happy ending. It makes Benedict utterly unlikeable. This is the only book in the series to deal with themes of class, since Sophie is a bastard who works as a housemaid due to her evil stepmother (which is why Benedict thinks she is mistress rather than wife material). The the way the book deals with class themes in profoundly unsatisfying, since they never critique the actual injustice of the class system, and in the end Sophie is only able to marry Benedict due to the big reveal of her having aristocratic blood from the wrong side of the sheets. This book is trash. I would burn it, and I just hope the TV series find a way to redeem this horrible story by replacing classist rapist Benedict with the fun bisexual polyamorous Benedict we've seen earlier in the TV series.

Romancing Mr. Bridgerton (Colin's Story): The TV series created reasons for Colin to have legitimate beef against Lady Whistledown, which are simply not part of the book series. So when Colin discovers Lady Whistledown's identity in the books, the only thing he has to navigate is the jealousy he has about her being a better writer than him. This jealousy he overcomes relatively quickly, and he makes a grand announcement as a supportive gesture which is even more romantic than his behavior in the TV series. Their character development arcs seem more natural without the extra drama the TV show inserts for the sake of suspense. I love Colin x Penelope so much, I like their story slightly more in the books, but the sexy actors of course add a lot to the story with their acting skills, so it's maybe a tie?

To Sir Phillip, With Love (Eloise's Story): I had a love-hate relationship with this book. Love: their courtship starting with letters. Hate: The letters seem to just cover trivial things so it's unclear where the attraction is coming from. Love: Eloise running off to meet him in person after exchanging letters a year (olden-times online dating). Hate: Sir Phillip making occasional misogynist comments and Eloise (bewilderingly) not caring. Love: Sir Phillip recovering from the trauma of having his wife be severely depressed for years and then commit suicide. Hate: Eloise rushing into a relationship hastily with a severely traumatized man with red flags, just because he is sexy. Love: The relationship between Eloise and Sir Phillip's children. Hate: Her brothers forcing her to marry him because she was seeing him without a chaperone. (In God's name, why? Why was this a necessary element of the book?! The romance would have felt much better without adding this gratuitous non-consensual element). A+ for second marriage and stepmother themes and D- for Eloise inexplicably losing her feminism and pride (which, to be fair, was more a characteristic of her TV self than her book self). I have no fucking idea how they will adapt it to make it more consistent with Eloise's TV character. But it's cool the TV series did an early intro of Sir Phillip Crane.

When He Was Wicked (Francesca's Story): Francesca's husband dies and four years later she falls in love with her best friend / husband's cousin. They both feel very guilty about the relationship because it feels like cheating (even though it is not cheating because original spouse is dead). Overall, this book feels like a way for us to have sex scenes that indulge our cheating fetish without the emotional strain of actually disapproving of the characters for cheating. The discussion of grief is more shallow than I would have wished. I can't help but wonder if the TV adaptation will remove the death and have the guilt/angst be around polyamorous bisexual relationships. Michaela will be better than Michael I think (Michael verbally abuses his valet, who is clearly terrified of him, every time his love life goes poorly). I personally think if a man abuses his valet, he'll abuse his wife, and find Michael by far the least plausible of the happy endings as a result. I hope the TV series having a female version of him ends up taking away some of the jerkitude.

It's In His Kiss (Hyacinth's Story): Okay, this may be my favorite of the series, though perhaps it is tied with Colin's story because Whistledown reveal. But Hyacinth is definitely my favorite of the siblings, and I love the big deal they make about her being a miniature Lady Danbury. I also adore the mother-daughter relationship stuff in here, how much Violet support's Hyacinth's independence but also encourages her to be vulnerable and take emotional risks. The "you're afraid to flirt with gentlemen you might actually like because that opens you to rejection" speech was chef's kiss!!! I also like the return of the "being free from abusive father" theme we get with the male lead. Abusive fathers was handled even better than it was in Simon/Daphne's story.

On the Way to the Wedding (Gregory's Story): It seems the author is a bit worried we might be getting bored with the regular rounds of sex, kissing, and falling in love, so she throws in some treason and gun fights to spice it up. It feels like a different genre from the other books because of the action drama elements. Still, I'm a fan of the wholesome female friendship and the (finally) satiring the "love at first sight," trope (though she plenty utilized the "love at first sight" trope in Benedict's story, wtf!) It's also fun to see Kate be a matron.

How many grandchildren does Violet Bridgerton end up with? Like a hundred?

Overall Ratings

Colin, Hyacinth: A+ for interpersonal chemistry and helping each other grow as people:

Anthony: A- but would totally be A+ if Anthony was not an unlikeable dick who did not deserve happiness

Daphne, Gregory: B+ for good-hearted Bridgertons helping love interest overcome family/abuse/neglect and personal issues.

Eloise, Francesca: C+ the sex scenes were well written but why would they settle for misogynists. I am not willing to give a pass just because this is period literature

Benedict: F because classism and not bothering with consent is really not sexy and how could you spoil wonderful TV Benedict for me.

Let's hope the TV series removed the problematic bullshit as well as adding the queer and interracial romance! The books do have more emotional realism since they've removed the need for unnecessary drama, but overall, the TV series is winning. What a surprise! I usually like books better than TV.

[the-empress-7]

"So Harold got Markled - there was an article today saying Rachel has given her blessings for him to stay longer in the UK because family is paramount"

That "blessings" immediately reminded me of the Southern US "sweet-as-sugar-to-your-face-but-stab-you-in-the-back" putdown, "Why bless your heart..." (spoken with a rictus grin).

And "family is paramount," Rach? Really? REALLY?!!! Which family would that be, exactly? Your sick, elderly, ghosted father who gave you everything, and whom you've libeled to the world? Your hubby's dead grandmother and grandfather, HLMQEII and Prince Phillip, who also gave you everything, and whom you libeled as racists on their deathbeds? Your sick father-in-law, KCIII, who also has given you everything, and whom you've also libeled to the world as racist? Your sick sister, whom you've claimed not to know? Your sick sister-in-law and your brother-in-law, whom you've libeled as racists and philanderers? 

Newsflash, Rach. You no longer have any family. You threw them all away. Keep the word "family" out of your filthy mouth.

[thestressedsimmer]

July, 1315: Willow Creek

Her Majesty's body rested in her chambers while letters were sent to her family members to make sure they could come to her funeral. The Comyns were devastated at the lost of their eldest daughter, getting there as quickly as they could.

The funeral procession began then, the family walking through the streets of Willow Creek, only stopping to rest - the living in noble folks' households and the dead in churches along the way, being prayed over by the Mouths of the Watcher.

The first line of the procession, directly behind the coffin, was the royal family of Willow Creek. Directly in the middle was La Reine Mère Joan and her youngest daughter, Princess Ysole. Directly on their right was Prince Consort Phillip (Prince of Willow Creek) and Queen Marjory. On their left was Prince Robert and the pregnant Duchess Elizabeth. And beside them on the farthest left side was Princess Isabella and The Honorable John Comyn IV.

The second line of the procession was the queen's birth family.

Baron John Comyn III and Baroness Joan Comyn were in the middle, struggling to be strong as they felt the pain of losing a child for the first time. Beside them was The Honorable Hendrie Comyn, escorting his baby sister The Honorable Abigall Comyn. On the left were the other two triplets, The Honorable Hextilda Comyn and The Honorable Jennet Comyn.

Usually boisterous and spirited people, (as everyone from Henford on Bagley is) there was a quietness about them that showed just how devastated they were.

Behind them all, as she's not related to the late queen in any way, was Queen Mother Elizabeth of Henford on Bagley. She joined the procession to show support for Marjory's in-laws - and also out of respect for the woman that she had only met a couple of times.

For the queen mother? It was somehow both awe inspiring and heartbreaking to hear the citizens' cries and shouted prayers to the Watcher as they realized that their beloved queen was dead.

She must have been very beloved indeed.

[theroyalsims]

BREAKING: AL-SIMHARA'S KING PHILLIP IS DEAD

Sad news comes from Al-Simhara this morning, as multiple reports confirm the passing of King Phillip.

The late King's death was later officially announced via a statement from the Al-Simharan Royal Court, which read:

"It is with great sorrow and grief that we announce the passing of our beloved King Phillip. His Majesty is survived by his wife, The Queen, and his children, Crown Prince Hakim, Prince Malik, Prince Ybarra, and Princesses Raya, Malia, and Salma."

King Phillip, of course, is the father of former Crown Prince Ibrahim, now the Earl of Harvelle. Interesting to note that the ex-royal was omitted from the official announcement. Perhaps this has to do with the massive falling out between the two, caused by scandals surrounding Ibrahim's first engagement, as well as his eventual abdication as Crown Prince.

The late King's connection to Brindleton does not end there. He was once engaged to marry our very own Queen Emilia - back when she was Crown Princess - causing a constitutional crisis. Being both heirs to their respective thrones, one of them had to abdicate. For months, it was rumoured that Crown Princess Emilia would step down to marry Phillip, however, following an exposé that revealed the latter's infidelity, their engagement was called off.

The King's cause of death has not been made public. Further, details of His Late Majesty's state funeral will be released in the coming days.

Meanwhile, Brindleton sources reveal that Ibrahim has reportedly flown to Al-Simhara earlier today to pay respects to his late father.

[swanfireprincessmydear]

I have some things to say about these scenes.

Okay, hear me out. I know that there are valid criticisms of the early Disney movies and that there are parts of them that do not hold up to todays standards.

However, I do have to defend two princes who come under lots of fire for their non-consensual behavior. These princes are Snow White’s Prince (sometimes referred to as Prince Florian) and Prince Phillip.

Both of these princes use ‘loves first kiss’ and ‘true loves kiss’ to wake their respective princesses from their sleeping enchantments. This is now often criticized or made fun of by saying it’s ‘creepy’ to kiss a dead/sleeping person, and that those kisses are nonconsensual.

And while I agree, I think some context is lost in these arguments.

Both of these princes have grown up in worlds where magic exists - and have previous knowledge that to kiss somebody who you might love could wake them up. This is especially true in Phillip’s case where Maleficent actually tells him this is what he must do in order to wake Aurora.

Also, BOTH of these princes did not just “happen upon” their princesses asleep. They had both met these princesses prior and had previous interactions with them - they were not strangers.

So, in the context of their films’ worlds and the existence of magic, and true loves kiss, I don’t think that this is as creepy as some people try to claim.

Maybe I’m wrong and you have a different opinion, and by all means I’d love to hear it, but I actually think there are OTHER scenes in these movies that deserve the criticism that these kissing scenes get e.g. when Prince Phillip continues to pursue Aurora in the forest despite her objections.

[wings-of-sapphire]

ANNY ANNY OHMIGOSH

LIVE CHAPTER 16 REACTION

GO CHECK OUT @annymation’s “KINGDOM OF WISHES” REWRITE

(Spoiler warning for Wish and ig some Hazbin Hotel and The Owl House too since I reference them)

(Regular warning bc MATE THIS IS LONG AS FUCK)

(Oh also swear warning)

That gif of Magnifico in the beginning looks way too adorable to be a psychopath

SCREAMS YES instead of “ow my chest has heartburn” I NEED THE GUT-WRENCHING SCREAMS

LIKE VAGGIE HAVING HER WINGS RIPPED OFF SCREAMS

UGH he’s evil but he loves his wife

WAIT IS HE GONNA BRAINWASH HER INTO BEING A PRINCESS

DRAWING YES IS IT GONNA BE THE MAGIC CARPET

Oh bubbles that works too (also irony)

Imma trust that Valentino made it in a bubble too bc YOU ARE NOT killing off the animal sidekick okay I would rather Magmaya win than Val be killed

YES BABY IS OKAY

Man Dahlia you gonna leave your mother behind?

”ANOTHER PERSON I LOVE” YES GIVE US THAT CONFESSION ASHA

Disney Channel

It’s giving Onward

OOH or Frozen yk Elsa and the staircase scene

NOOO ASTER BABY

“Love of his life” DAM YOU ANNY WHY MAKE OUR BOY SUFFER

Amaya is channeling her inner Gothel rn

Ooh I love Lydia the Bard!

ARGH THEY’RE EVIL BUT THEY LOVE EACH OTHER

Mysterious language? Star dialect?

”Last star I see tonight” ANNY

AHAKSJAKS THIS IN A MINOR KEY

ASTER BABY THE SCREAMS

Oh so they’re becoming Stars interesting

CALLING HER A WITCH OUTRIGHT

Dam Eris was one of my first fictional crushes (bisexual ass) so now I’m wondering if Amaya should be one too

”Hate but also love” it’s giving “Out For Love” by Carmilla

But Magmaya is out for love too… SHEJWJSKJS COUPLE GOALS IF THEY WEREN’T MENTALLY DERANGED

SINGING AT THE SAME TIME >>>>>

THE TROPE EVER

LIKE A MADRIGAL BUT SAME VIBES

Noooo Aster

Hey orchestra of stars above where the heck are you

Aster I love you but they have no humanity left

HE’S DYING ASHA GIVE HIM THE TRUE LOVE’S KISS

YOU BOTH CONFESSED MAKE IT BEAUTY AND THE BEAST

Yikes Amaya you’re usually the brains now you’re choosing to spare her?

Ig since you’re in love it would be torture for you but cmon girl

FUCKING “I LOVE YOU” NO WHERE’S THE FUCKING MAGIC OF TRUE LOVE WHY IS HE NOT REVIVING

AGSJAJSKSJS IT’S GIVING LUZ NOCEDA

Oop gotta add a ToH spoiler warning now too ig

Brb

Okay back YK THE LIGHT ORB SHE FADES INTO

AND WE GOT ASHA PARALLEL TO AMITY HOLDING HER SOULMATE’S SOUL GLOW THING

AHSJAJSKS HAVE ASHA GO EDA/ KING FERAL

SHE FUCKING CONFESSED BACK ANNY MAKE THEM ALIVE AGAIN

Omfg battle outfit (AND MORE! THAN! JUST! SPARKLES!)

Omg yeah the dress fits so well with the star-chest thing

SHE HAS PUPILS idk why I was so hyped about that

IT’S GIVING “You’ll Be in My Heart”

VAL BABY

Wait next chapter? This seems like the conclusion Anny I’m scared

Omigosh these two royal idiots in love

I I bet they’re giggling and holding hands while destroying precious memories of their citizens

”Feels something changing” eh? Sorry it’s just canon!Wish didn’t give us much but the novelization is very AshaxDahlia heavy

YES SIMON HELPS THAT WOULD’VE MADE HIS MOVIE COUNTERPART BETTER

HE STANDS UP AND SINGS AND PROVES HE’S WILLING TO GO AGAINST MAGGIE

THE YOUNG GENERATION IS SINGING IT, BREAKING THE CYCLE OF VIOLENCE

Although Asha has her Sabino… maybe ghosts/ spirits of her loved ones? I always imagined the scene “A Wish Worth Keeping” would have her family’s spirits (in blue) smiling and cheering her on… sparkly ofc

YES this scene in the movie was my favorite bc it FELT DRAMATIC

I said before “Knowing What I Know Now” was my fav but Anny I changed my mind “Wish (Reprise)” is my favorite

YES TAKE BACK YOUR KINGDOM FROM THE STRAIGHT WHITE FOLK (Amaya is Greek… what is Magnus? I’m assuming white too)

SWORD YES make it Prince Phillip’s

Gotta admit that falling wish scene in the movie was gorgeous, reminded me of Wall-E

Wait omigosh Asha looks so pretty in that photo where did you get that

*stares at it for hours bc she looks gorgeous*

Referenced as a wand now!

Smiling as she falls bc she knows HER BAE WILL CATCH HER

HOW are they not dead. The gays only have the power of plot armor

So it was nighttime okay

AW HE CARES FOR HER

Yep definitely giving Belos

NOW I WANT TO SEE A KOWxTOH CROSSOVER

Told you idiots you shouldn’t have spared her. Pride really does come before the fall

Seriously Gothel wasn’t a pussy she stabbed Flynn why didn’t you stab Asha (sorry bby just wondering how they’re so stupid)

THAT’S what you’re worried about man

HE WANTS TO KEEP AMAYA SAFE IN HIS ARMS AND PROTECT HER AT ALL COSTS

Lol I’m just imagining a giant whoosh of power and light and Amagnus squeezes their eyes shut waiting for a painful death and then they just. Sneeze. Itchy magic glitter poof

Is this a reference to a past Disney movie? They’re really going the PJO route huh

DAM ANNY THAT’S HARSH

Uh. Wow. Okay Aster I guess they did kill you

Yay we have the citizens standing up!

Wait you make your wish at 18 was this women pregnant really early orrrr

Later? Oh goodness I’m worried for the next chapter

Uh Starsha is being a bit sadistic and Amaya is sobbing for her love…

MAGGIE TURN AND COMFORT YOUR WIFE

Oh btw is Magnus part Spanish? “Mi vida” since Amaya is Greek…

NO NO DANCE PARTY I DON’T TRUST YOU YET

Someone get Gabo some therapy mate

NO WHAT

ASTER WHAT

NO THE STARS WILL COME DOWN AND LEGO BATMAN HIS ASS

VIOLIN-STAR TELL THEM THAT THEY FOUND LOVE AND THEREFORE THEY WILL STAY

WHY DID HE SAY IT SO SOFT AND MATURE WHERE IS MY GOLDEN RETRIEVER BOY

DID HE HEAR ASHA TELL THEM SHE LOVED THEM? DOES SHE HAVE TO DO IT TO MAKE HIM STAY?

”Love is all they needed” Amaya you’re clever but this was all sort of your fault witch

FUCK YOU MAGNUS COMFORT YOUR WIFE OFH WAIT TOO LATE

Tbh I would’ve agreed with Gabo had they injured Val in some way

YEAH THEY DESERVE IT BUT THEY GOT THE PERCY JACKSON HEPHAESTUS CHAIR TREATMENT

Discord DID turn to stone too… how about they turn to stone and THEN get pushed off a cliff

OKAY that was long but it was good

Uh I’m scared for the next chapter? We get Amable’s backstory so do they escape? Will Asha become the FG? Will Aster get LEGO Batman-d by the school marching band of Stars? Is their magic the North Star magic? SO MANY QUESTIONS

Overall though great job Anny! This has been an amazing journey and I can’t wait for the final chapter!