#any age is a good age to be driven to madness by guilt and grief

[hamletthedane]

Hamlet’s Age

Not to bring up an age-old debate that doesn’t even matter, but I have been thinking recently how interesting Hamlet’s age is both in-text and as meta-text.

To summarize a whole lot of discussion, we basically only have the following clues as to Hamlet’s age:

Hamlet and Horatio are both college students at Wittenberg. In Early Modern/Late Renaissance Europe, noble boys typically began their university education at 14 and usually completed at their Bachelor’s degree by 18 or 19. However, they may have been studying for their Master’s degrees, which was typically awarded by age 25 at the latest. For reference, contemporary Kit Marlowe was a pretty late bloomer who received a bachelor’s degree at 20 and a master’s degree at 23.

Hamlet is AGGRESSIVELY described as a “youth” by many different characters - I believe more than any other male shakespeare character (other than 16yo Romeo). While usage could vary, Shakespeare tended to use “youth” to mean a man in his late teens/very early 20s (actually, he mostly uses it to describe beardless ‘men’ who are actually crossdressing women - likely literally played by young men in their late teens)

King Hamlet is old enough to be grey-haired, but Queen Gertrude is young enough to have additional children (or so Hamlet strongly implies)

Hamlet talks about plucking out the hairs of his beard, so he is old enough to at least theoretically have a beard

In the folio version, the gravedigger says he became a gravedigger the day of Hamlet’s birth, and that he’s be “sixteene here, man and boy, thirty years.” However, it’s unclear if “sixteene” means “sixteen” or “sexton” (ie has he worked here for 16 years but is 30 years old, or has he been sexton there for thirty years?)

Hamlet knew Yorick as a young child, and the gravedigger says Yorick was buried 23 years ago. However, the first quarto version version of Hamlet says “dozen years” instead of “three and twenty.” This suggests the line changed over time. (Or that the bad quarto sucks - I really need to make that post about it, huh…)

Yorick is a skull, and according to the gravedigger’s expertise, he has thus been dead for at least 7-8 years - implying Hamlet is at least ~15yo if he remembers Yorick from his childhood

One important thing sometimes overlooked - Claudius takes the throne at King Hamlet’s death, not Prince Hamlet. That is mostly a commentary on English and French monarchist politics at the time, but it is strange within the internal text. A thirty year old Hamlet presumably would have become the new monarch, not the married-in uncle (unless Gertrude is the vehicle through which the crown passes a la Mary I/Phillip II - certainly food for thought)

Honestly, Hamlet is SO aggressively described as being very young that I’m fairly confident the in-text intention is to have him be around 18-23yo. Placing his age at 30yo simply does not make much sense in the context of his descriptors, his narrative role, and his status as a university student.

However, it doesn’t really matter what the “right” answer is, because the confusion itself is what makes the gravedigger scene so interesting and metatextual. We can basically assume one of the following, given the folio text:

Hamlet really is meant to be 30yo, and that was supposed to surprise or imply something to the contemporary audience that is now lost to us

Older actors were playing Hamlet by the time the folio was written down, and the gravedigger’s description was an in-text justification of the seeming disconnect between age of actor and description of “youth”

Older actors were playing Hamlet by the time the folio was set down, and the gravedigger’s description was an in-text JOKE making fun of the fact that a 30-something year old is playing a high-school aged boy. This makes sense, as the gravedigger is a clown and Hamlet is a play that constantly pokes fun at its own tropes and breaks the fourth wall for its audience

The gravedigger cannot count or remember how old he is, and that’s the joke (this is the most common modern interpretation whenever the line isn’t otherwise played straight). If the clown was, for example, particularly old, those lines would be very funny

Any way you look at it, I believe something is echoing there. It seems like this is one of the many moments in Hamlet where you catch a glimpse of some contemporary in-joke about theater and theater culture* that we can only try to parse out from limited context 430 years later. And honestly, that’s so interesting and cool.

*(My other favorite example of this is when Hamlet asks Polonius about what it was like to play Julius Caesar in an exchange that pokes fun of Polonius’ actor a little. This is clearly an inside-joke directed at Globe regulars - the actor who played Polonius must have also played Julius Caesar in Shakespeare’s play, and been very well reviewed. Hamlet’s joke about Brutus also implies the actor who played Brutus is one of the main cast in Hamlet - possibly even the prince himself, depending on how the line is read).

[houseki-no-suffering]

on ch 82 and what the hell is the deal with phos

super long wall of words ahead, you've been warned. also, im not qualified to discuss the emotional effects of trauma, so please correct me where im wrong and don’t hesitate to add on this post

contains an analysis of phos’ character arc, explanation on why and how they snapped and what might happen to our child next:

1. genki phos 2. post winter phos 3. laphos 4. on trauma 5. on snapping 6. speculations about the future

so, first things first, I could not help but notice the sheer number of parallels between this chapter and other significant points of the story. it seems to me that parallels are becoming more and more frequent as the moon arc goes on, and that’s not just because there are simply more chapters to draw parallels from as the story grows in size.

I believe that we’re at a turning point in the story, or even that the turning point has been reached, (aechmea telling barbata to fix phos for the umpteenth time is most likely going to give phos the last treasure, but ill get to it).

so, to try and understand what in the seven hells is going on with our baby at this point (the fandom collectively adopted phos since chapter 2, sign the papers if you haven’t already and donate to the fund to send phos to therapy) let’s retrace phos’ character journey.

1: genki phos

the phos who is too good for this world, too pure, the cinnamon roll who has no idea what the hell is gonna happen to them. oh joy.

hnk sets off as a coming of age story. phos is the youngest, they’re seemingly useless in a society that values usefulness above anything else so genki phos is initially driven by lack of purpose.

i’ve speculated already on the characteristics of the lustrous society, a society that emphasizes sameness over difference and that has no place for outcasts like phos and cinnabar. your value, in lustrous society, is dictated by how much and in which way you can contribute to the survival of the species, with elite fighters (the diamonds) being at the apex of the social pyramid and everyone else coming after.

additionally, while gems live in a highly interdependent and close-knitted society, such interdependence never takes into account emotions, loss, imagination, introspection and free-thinking. the society is extremely practical, apathetic, immobile, and everyone is expected to conform to that.

think about antarc: they’re the poster child of lustrous society: a 3 mohs hardness gem who managed to become an elite fighter out of sheer willpower, who’s blindly loyal to sensei, who sacrifices themselves for the greater good (the group’s interests > the individual’s interests), that does little if any introspection and that is happy about all of this and wants to leave it this way.  

phos isn’t like this at all.

since the very beginning of the series we learn that phos is an anomaly. and that’s okay, other gems have been anomalies, like padparadscha, cinnabar, even antarcticite, but while those gems found a way to tip toe to the margins of lustrous society to remain unobtrusive exceptions, or forge themselves into proper, useful members of the group, phos cannot do that. which is ironic, because we know that one of phos’ core characteristics is that they’re able to change and to bring about change in a world that is as immobile and still and stiff as… well.. rock.

like @ruddy-rutile​ pointed out in a past analysis, phos’ problem wasn’t so much that they didn’t fit in, but that they didn’t fit in the appropriate way: they’re emotional, they’re loud, they’re unreliable, they’re not apathetic. they’re kind. compassionate. imaginative. and imagination is something the other gems lack.

this fuels a deep sense of self-hatred that even at this early stages of the story is lying just beneath the surface and oozes out quite easily, like when phos wants to help ventricosus and mumbles that it’s no problem if they die in the attempt, they’re a good for nothing after all, what difference would it make if they dont come back. at least they were able to help someone, contrary to how they were unable to help cinnabar.

this is the leitmotif of the series: phos is a kind, selfless gem who cultivates a deep sense of self-hatred. the internalized pressure and need to feel useful turns into a necessity for change. they need to save cinnabar, they need to save ventricosus, they need to become a fighter, they need to help sensei.

contrary to most of the other gems, phos loves and loves openly and unconditionally, they’re self-less by nature and that selflessness is a barrier that hides the real reason theyre so ready to put their life on the line for other people: the fact that phos thinks that their own life isnt wort a scrap.

as someone who believes to be worthless, guided by shame and guilt just for being alive and fueled by a deep desire to feel loved and accepted (just like a child), phos is unable to cope with grief and emotion if not by guilt tripping themselves even further.

the fact that the amethysts were almost taken is their fault, the fact that cinnabar is suicidal is their fault, the fact that antarc was taken is their fault, same with ghost’s abduction. the only way phos knows to cope with this guilt is by doing what every other gem does: bury these feelings deep inside their head and throw themselves into work. be useful, like alexandrite, rutile or red beryl.

2. post winter phos

what was a story about purpose, about phos’ coming of age, reaches an end at this very point, with antarc’s death. phos has become stronger at this point of the story, they have agathe legs and gold arms and they have grief to cope with, trauma.

just like alex’s job is studying the enemy and red’s job is making clothes, phos’ job is the one they originally desired for themselves: to fight. because there is nothing as valued as a good fighter in gem society and probably young phos unconsciously hoped to overcome self-hatred by taking on the most useful job there is.

post winter antarc is a skilled soldier, so skilled that bort wants to pair up with them. phos has reached their old goal: through loss and maturity, now they have a place within their society, they’re accepted and appreciated, valued but not loved. because these gems are so, so bad at emotions.

and this is where ms ichikawa begins to fool us all. she had us think that this story would be simple, but now hnk starts its steep and unrelenting detour toward existentialism and phos begins their dance toward madness and bottomless grief.

post winter phos is a soldier, they can fight off lunarians, but theyre still blaming themselves for antarc’s death.

we already said that phos is a very emotional gem and they possess a fervid imagination (probably just like lapis). so what do they do? they start thinking. “maybe i can retrieve antarc if we collect enough pieces. if i can communicate with the lunarians. if i can understand why we’re fighting.”

thinking quickly turns into questioning: why are we fighting? why are we so weak? why am i different? what changed me? is it the new additions, is it just life experiences? can we change? how can we change? antarc told me i shouldnt shy away from life, so im gonna push myself further and further.

that’s when shiro’s arc happens and sensei seems to know something about it, something he won’t tell the gems. phos’ questions suddenly turn to him.

phos is pretty much paranoid at this point of the narrative: they have experienced loss for the first time. consumed by guilt and grief for antarc’s recent abduction (even if phos still doesnt know what death means, we’ll get to that in a while), phos cannot think straight. they can’t be questioning the one authority every gem recognizes, the person phos and everyone else wants to protect, their leader, father, teacher.

phos feels like scum just for even thinking about it, as loyal and young as they are. and yet once you start questioning one minuscule thing about the way you have always lived your life, more and more will follow. it’s a cascade effect and it becomes faster the higher the number of questions, until you’re left with nothing but doubts and you must take into your hands the responsibility to find out for yourself.

this is more or less what happens to phos. they feel awful for doubting sensei the first time, in chapter 27, so they spill their guts to cinnabar, confessing their sins. but what cinnabar says does anything but put phos at ease: of course phos is doubting sensei: he’s shady, everyone knows.

however, while cinnabar is a quiet outcast, extremely prudent (and cowardly if you want) in the way they decide to face life, phos is the total opposite. they just needed a little nudge, they were already on the edge of a cliff of doubts and existential fears. cinnabar’s words are the second, big step that sets phos off on their path to the moon.  

chapter 28 is when we see phos self-destructing because of this inner conflict for the first time, a pattern that will be repeated again and again the more phos loses sight of the truth, of a reliable something, a goal to cling onto and find direction.

it is ironic, because phos becomes a direction, a goal, the gems and the moon people’s hope (ch 59 and 72), but in doing so they have no hope left for themselves. let’s not forget that phos is very young by gems’ standards, not to mention in comparison to the moon people. how fair is to expect from a traumatized child to save the world and find answers to questions that run thousands of years deep and give phos nothing in return?

the pressure is enough to break phos and it does, quite literally, over and over and over again.

3. Laphos

lapis’ head comes at a time when phos was literally no longer able to manage this pressure.

it brings a waft of fresh air, it brings what emotional, kind phos needed to detach themselves from grief: coldness, rationality. and yet, it takes something away from phos as well: laphos is the phos that can no longer talk with cinnabar, the phos that brings cairn to reject the gems altogether and launch themselves into their kin’s killer’s arms. laphos is the gems and lunarians’ hope for a brief time, then it becomes the enemy.

i find it interesting how phos feels responsible for goshe and morga’s abduction too, even if phos was unconscious when it happened. phos has no clear boundaries between themselves and the rest of the world. they feel responsible for everything and guilty for everything. whatever they do will never be enough neither to make up for their past mistakes nor to find everyone a clear sense of purpose, safety, truth.

ichikawa plays with truth a lot. truth is that the lunarians are bad people and the gems must defend themselves, truth is that sensei is shady, truth is that the moon people are actually good, truth is that death is real, truth is that sensei is evil, truth is that cinnabar hates phos, truth is that the gems are evil, truth is that sensei is the only one that loves phos. who knows what the next truth will be, but can you call it truth, at this point?

if there is one point, i believe, that ichikawa is trying to make clear is that truth is subjective and that it changes, just like phos’ goal, the more knowledge you acquire and the more mistakes you make. truth is subjective but it must be sought after: you gotta keep fighting, you gotta move on even if you keep making mistakes, even if you cant undo your actions.

and another thing i think she’s trying to say is that you cannot make it alone. the moment phos tried to take it all on their shoulders, they moment they acquired lapis’ head, is the moment everything came crumbling down ten times faster than before.

and the most ironic part is that phos is still kind, even underneath that mantle of aloofness: they tried to do everything by themselves because they didn’t want to put anyone in danger, but in doing so they manipulated the gems just like aechmea. and aechmea knows and he’s been using phos for this.

4. Even more trauma

running after truth and after newer and more nuanced goals, phos has completely lost sight of themselves.

where do their alliances lie? what about their history? phos wakes up in ch 72 after the night raid and immediately breaks into pieces because they’re reminded of how cinnabar attacked them, the one gem they thought was their friend. one of the few truths phos had been clinging to.

phos wakes up after the night raid and asks the enemy “to the lunarians i look like a gem and to the gems i look like a lunarian. what am i?”

they break into pieces because they still believe they’re useless. they couldn't save cinnabar, they couldn't save antarc, they couldn't communicate with the earth gems, they couldn't even see adamant.

this is reminiscent of the very beginning of the manga: phos needs to feel useful, they need a goal, they need to be good at something. and just like they were ready to get lost at sea forever to help ventricosus they’re ready to die for someone else’s cause (not even phos’ own because they have no idea what to believe in at this point) just to be of use. after all, to phos, phos is nothing more than a scrap.

euc disagrees. ch 71 “we need you in our future” is a sentence that phos has probably ached to hear for centuries. “we need you. you are loved, you mean something, you are enough. you belong. we cannot build a future where you aren’t part of the equation. you matter”

and look at the way phos looks at euc. they can barely believe them and in fact they don’t. phos expresses some concern about dying (”after all, those less than 5 includes me”) but they still throw themselves into danger, they still take no care of themselves.

Phos’ self hatred and self-destructive tendencies run deeper than euc’s words could ever cut. those words meant well, but they were too little too late. phos thinks they don’t deserve this kind of hope, they  cannot understand it, cannot fathom a world in which they are true and so they will go on believing that they are alone and worthless. next time they go on earth, they’ll go alone and unharmed

it is ironic. they did so much, they went to the moon and back multiple times, put their life on the line multiple times, made more progress toward unveiling the truth about the lunarians and finding a way for them to be free of samsara than anyone else did in hundreds (presumably) of thousands of years. they did it by themselves. in barely three hundred years. that’s impressive. and yet it’s not enough for phos. in their mind, they just keep failing.

so what’s the big deal? they can sacrifice themselves, it’s the least they can do and no one will miss them after all. unfortunately, this is true, at least to some extent.

im appalled by how little even the moon gems care about phos. they’re so self-centered it’s almost funny.

even alex, who has gone through loss and grief if not as much at least in a way similar to phos cannot find enough compassion in themselves to be concerned about phos’ wellbeing after a few months on the moon.

ive heard people mention how this could be a result of the moon people injecting who knows what into the gems or manipulating them someway or another, but i believe that there was no need to. phos is an anomaly after all, their kindness is an anomaly. the lustrous are little more than self-centered children: they are able of little if no introspection and they cannot process complex emotions like grief if not by shutting off those emotions altogether.

the moon gems are still vaguely concerned about phos. in ch 76, when phos departs for earth for the last time, they do tell them to be careful and come back if things get bad, but they do little more than that. it’s little comfort and too little emotional closeness and by no means close to the huge amount of support and (emotional) assistance that phos needs at this point.

phos tries to make do with what they have: a will to end this war and the superficial words of what should be their family, but it’s not even remotely enough. and yet phos, just like any other lustrous, is very bad at introspection: they don’t notice or if they notice they repress it. what’s one more thing down the subconscious after all? it’s fine. phos can take it, until they can no more and they snap without having any idea that they will snap.

phos’ journey, which has made them increasingly more emotional, fragile and human (the last one quite literally) has also made phos even more alone than they were at the beginning of the story. more alone, with the same sense of worthlessness, the same urgency to be good for something or self-destroy, and so much more grief, trauma, guilt and repressed emotions.

5. snapping

“I mustn’t think of anything” phos reminds themselves in ch 76. because thinking never brought anything good and because euc would see right through it. 

once again, phos is repressing emotions. here they go, trying to be a cold blooded killer, ready to betray sensei again, the one person who has been good to them and that phos tried to hate with all their heart but just couldnt.

as ive written in a previous analysis, one of aechmea’s lowest blows was to tell the gems he was exploiting and manipulating to reach a salvation he doesnt deserve that if the gems want to acquire freedom they must do so by themselves. talk about coherence. 

but that isnt all, he sinks even lower than this: he makes phos and the others question sensei’s affection for them. he says that sensei’s love is fake, it’s synthetic, the gems should totally make him pray or destroy him, no remorse, no strings attached. it’s such a dirty move.

no wonder it confuses phos even more. phos believes it, or tries to, they say they want to break sensei into pieces, but after the night raid they realize that it cant be that simple. sensei never attacked them. he has always been good to phos. and phos feels even more worthless, more of a traitor for daring believe in love, in sensei’s affection, when here they are, on the lunarians’ side, ready to betray him again. 

how dare phos hope for anything? they dont deserve love, they dont deserve hope, they dont deserve happiness. they can try to give it to other people, they’ll kill themselves in order to do so, but they have no more hope and no love left for themselves, and they had so little to begin with.

as ive said, phos has little self-awareness and little introspection. i do believe that they had no idea they were going to snap until they did. even in ch 77, when sensei tells them he cannot pray, phos spends their last seconds of consciousness (before being attacked by all of the gems) to kindly ask him to pray. they dont care about themselves, but they dont reflect long enough to consider that reaching out to sensei like that could be interpreted as hostile by the paranoid earth gems. i think this is the first sign that phos is about to snap: they’re quite literally desperate.

tired beyond measure and forced to spend 220 more years in isolation, broken into pieces scattered all over the island, when phos comes to their senses again once kongo reassembles them they’re beyond despair. this war is taking the last toll on them and phos has no more energy to go on.

“please,” they say “pray. do it for no one else but me. grant me mercy,” from one bodhisattva to the other. they’re still somewhat normal, but when sensei fails to pray again phos can’t take it anymore. desperation and rage, fueled by hopelessness, worthlessness, grief and exhaustion make phos launch themselves against sensei, which, ironically, it’s exactly what the story needs.

apparently, phos is human enough to activate sensei but not human enough to make him pray. however, when the two of them join hands, sensei can actually pray. maybe it’s because both phos and sensei are intended to be bodhisattva? maybe because human voice commands are not as strong as contact? i have no idea.

phos has snapped by the way, and it’s weird how they go from “If only you weren’t here” to “sensei actually loves me” in a couple of chapters. in a certain way, we’re seeing phos going back to their roots: they love sensei and trust in sensei’s love, they’re once again openly emotional and impulsive, they’re once again ostracized by the gems (of course, much more violently this time).

i have written about how, after ‘fusing’ with sensei for a brief second, phos doesnt speak for the entirety of ch 81. they look and act like a literal monster, a scared animal, which is ironic since we know that they’re now human. i hypothesized that they might be reborn and that’s why they don’t speak, they’re a literal infant, but in light of ch 82, i think they’re simply hurt beyond measure. 

they reversed to their old emotional persona, vomiting out all the emotions and pain and rage and hate they repressed during these 300 years. and yet they still don’t hurt anyone, not as much and as deliberately as they could at least.

they’re conscious enough to recognize the notebook and be reminded of their lost friends, realize how little the earth gems care for phos and for what they’re doing. and, i believe, when phos is rescued and comes back to the moon, they are, for the first time in the whole manga, enraged by the earth gems’ stupidity and sheer ungratefulness.

phos has been fighting for the wellbeing of everyone for centuries, putting their life on the line, never asking for anything in return and always believing that they were doing the right thing. and yet it’s not enough.

aechmea is a clever politician, and like every good politician he’s good at picking up changes and turning them in his favor. 

he notices that there’s something wrong with phos and with the way they feel about the gems. maybe he doesnt yet realize that phos is angry at them for being ungrateful, but he senses something so he provokes phos: “you said to leave you on earth last time. did you change your mind?” that is “i’m not your enemy. see? im doing what you want me to do. not quite like those people down there on earth. oh, wait, were those your friends? aw, such a pity. to think they attacked you after everything you’ve done for them. but they’re your family, right? i’ll send you back to them if this is what you want. see? i’ll listen to your wishes. i am grateful.”

look how intently he looks at phos as phos incoherently and obsessively repeats the same thing over and over: “he would have prayed. he would have prayed for me. he loves me. he would have prayed.” if you want, this is also a syìubtle way for phos to apologize: they still feel responsible for their failure, but aechmea must understand: phos did everything they could, it would have worked, it was the gems’ fault.

adamant put phos back together, showing phos that he still cares. he is the only one that loves phos, while the gems (all gems, phos doesnt care much for differences at this point) keep hurting phos even if phos is only trying to help. so they must be killed. to hell with them all. and, notice, phos doesnt include themselves in the ‘gem’ category: they’re no longer a lustrous. they’re a monster, a liminal creature.

with nothing left to believe in if not sensei’s love and a promise to make him pray and then die in peace, phos wants to destroy the only thing that they believe stands between them and finally being useful, but also between them and freedom (freedom from suffering, from guilt, from existing, from their pain, from being): the gems.

this isn’t the first time that phos wants to kill something: in ch 68 they spoke about crushing sensei to pieces. it’s heartbreaking how phos went from “if only the moon people weren’t here” to “if only sensei weren’t here” to “if only the gems weren’t here.” will it turn into: “if only i weren’t here?” who are phos’ allies? who does phos feel kinship with? who is phos? they no longer know, and they’ve not known for a long time.

aechmea has noticed and he’s quick to turn the situation to his advantage. he shakes phos’ hand, he’ll grant them freedom just like phos will grant the lunarians’ freedom. he’ll forgive phos for failing, for their sins, for the bottomless despair and guilt that phos has been living with for centuries. salvation, hope, that is all phos needs.

as @rinboz pointed out, phos’ gold in ch 82 takes the shape of a lotus seed pod, a direct reference to when antarc was abducted and the gold had turned into a lotus flower. 

through pain, phos had blossomed into a new character that day, marking the beginning of their long journey toward truth and toward discovering that there is no truth. the day the story changed from a coming of age manga to something much, much more intricate.

phos’ pod is empty, they have nothing left to lose, it’s a dead flower. this is the end of the journey that started with antarc’s abduction. when phos wakes up again, it will probably be with new memories and a new addition to their body, possibly red diamond. 

phos’ self destruction has reached its apex because it finally became so intense to extend outwards, to other people that, in their immense grief, phos wants to bring down with them. this might be a minuscule form of progress: anger is better than repressing emotions at least, but phos’ problems are far from being solved.

6. on the future

what will be of phos then? it really depends.

the fact that they’re finally showing all that sufferance and those emotions they tried so hard to repress is good, but aechmea is still there to take advantage of it. 

phos will never be free as long as they dont associate themselves with someone that truly loves them and as long as they cant find someone that can help them deal with their emotions. aechmea is just using them and only ichikawa knows what he meant when he told barbata to be careful with those 200 years emotions.

theoretically, phos was unconscious during the timelapse, but if there are emotions to treat carefully maybe they weren’t? maybe the change we’ve seen in phos this chapter depends on what they had to endure during that time. or maybe aechmea simply wants to make sure that his pet is easy to use.

i do believe we’re close to the end. i dont know if it will be the end of the series or just the end of phos as we know them. i could hope for something good to finally happen to them and for them to heal, but it would take a therapist or someone that loves phos. 

maybe euclase could side up with sensei, they seemed the most concerned about phos’ status and the most prone to believe them. maybe goshe and cicada could do something again, maybe rutile will fix padpa once more and padpa will talk with the earth gems (not very likely, but im throwing theories left and right at this point), or maybe barbata will refuse to follow aechmea’s instructions, at least in part, and try to help phos.

as always, im afraid we’ll have to wait. in the meantime, please hug phos. if you read up to this point hug phos. hug them now and shower them with love, because no one else will

[bloodtroth]

Grindeldore 120th anniversary fic

(Ao3 link)

@hannahtheshipper

---

Gellert raised his head as he heard the distinctive sound of heels clicking against the concrete floor. As he identified the footsteps, he lowered his head back down again, not bothering to look at the person that was now standing behind the door of his cell.

“I see you’ve finally decided to come to see me,” he said, his voice hoarse from lack of use. The sound of it felt enormous in the silence of the prison. The quiet, he thought, was the worst aspect of his punishment. It had driven him mad more than once.

When he received no answer, he looked up to confirm that the person was not merely the product of his own mind. It would not have been the first time. But, no, the shadow Albus’ figure cast on the floor was there, and from his position on the floor, Gellert could just see the top of his head.

Unnerved by his silence, Gellert sneered, “What may I thank for this great honour?”

In answer, a hand reached for the flap on his door and passed a small packet through it. “Happy anniversary, my dear,” Albus said, and Gellert closed his eyes against the feeling hearing his voice arose in him. It had been years since he had last heard it. Albus’ voice was different now; whereas before it had still held the lingering notes of youth, it was now slowed and dragged down by age and remembered grief.

As he rose to shaky feet and made his way to the door, Gellert wondered if the grief had all been due to him, or if Albus had faced other tragedies since the day he had locked him here and walked away without looking back. Gellert was uncertain; his Visions were hazy at best, fragmented by the wards restraining his magic.

Bending down, Gellert picked up the packet. It was wrapped in a green paper that was sprinkled with stars. Gellert nearly smiled. It was very much to Albus’ taste. He turned it with his hands, trying to guess what was inside.

After a moment, he slipped the packet inside the pocket of his torn prison robe and, raising his head, met Albus Dumbledore’s eyes for the first time in years. The sight of his aged face shocked him, although it shouldn’t have. He knew that it had been decades between the last time and now, but knowing it and seeing it were two different things. Albus looked old. Ancient. A far cry from the auburn-haired youth Gellert had first known, or the grim, dignified professor that had been his doom. Albus smiled at his shock, and his eyes were suspiciously moist.

Gellert averted his eyes; tears had always made him uncomfortable. Clearing his throat, he asked, “We’ve never celebrated anniversaries before. What’s different this time?” Albus did not answer, but Gellert could hear him shuffling in place, his hands sweeping across the expansive fabric of his robes in an unconscious gesture. Sharply, Gellert looked at him. Albus did not meet his eyes.

“Show me. Now,” Gellert commanded, his heart beating furiously at his chest. Albus sighed before lifting his hand through the bars of the small window. Gellert sucked in a breath as he saw Albus’ hand. The skin was black and withered, clearly as a result of some powerful curse. Quickly, before Albus could withdraw it, Gellert grasped hold of it. Albus let out a small wince, but Gellert ignored him as he closed his eyes and felt for the extent of the damage. His magic confirmed his fears. “You’re dying.”

“Yes,” Albus confirmed, his voice resigned. Gellert looked at him and saw the calm acceptance on his face. Desperate, he pleaded, although from his mouth it sounded more like a command, “Let me use my magic. I can heal you. You know I can.”

Albus smiled sadly and shook his head. “No, Gellert.”

Switching tactics, Gellert lifted the hand to his lips and whispered, “Mein Schatz-“

“I said no,” Albus said, his voice sharp as he extracted his hand from Gellert’s grasp.

Narrowing his eyes, Gellert grasped the bars tightly and leaned his head against them. “What are you planning?” he hissed. Their eyes met again, and within seconds Gellert knew everything Albus had done and would do for his version of Greater Good. Gellert wondered if he slept at night. He had always been a slave to his guilt.

“It’s a necessary sacrifice,“ Albus answered, his face detached as if they were talking about the weather and not his oncoming murder. Gellert wasn’t fooled for a second; Albus only appeared detached when he was trying to restrain his emotions. Scoffing, Gellert shook his head and hissed, the accusations practically dripping off his lips, “So, that’s it then- you are willing to sacrifice yourself for the Greater Good. Just like you were willing to sacrifice me. To sacrifice us.”

Something flickered behind Albus' eyes - a flash of hurt perhaps - before he composed himself again. “You speak as if you hadn’t been willing to do the same. Wasn’t that what you had planned with that poor boy? To kill me.”

Gellert shrugged. “I won’t deny it. But I didn’t.” Leaning his head as far as the bars allowed him, he whispered, “Do you know why you won our duel?”

Uncertainty flickered across Albus’ face. “I was always more skilled in duelling.”

“True,” Gellert acknowledged, “but that is not why. You know I could have killed you when you stumbled. You have always known, haven’t you?”

“Yes,” Albus admitted, his voice soft.

“So, why didn’t I?” Gellert asked, even though he did not expect an answer. Albus looked down. Gellert pressed closer, the bars digging into his skin. “Because when it came down to it- when it came down to killing you- to letting you go- I couldn’t. Because I love you.” Gellert watched as the impact of his words hit Albus as if he had been smacked. A single tear made its trek down Albus’ cheek. Ignoring his pain, Gellert continued, “You have imprisoned me, you have not visited me, you have taken from my everything I once held dear. And now you would take yourself as well?”

Albus looked fragile. Gellert wondered why he had come at all. Perhaps he had thought that Gellert would comfort him. He was wrong. If he was so determined to force Gellert to live in a world without Albus, then he deserved none.

“Don’t be selfish,” Albus admonished, but his voice lacked conviction.

Gellert snorted. “Selfish? Are you sure I’m the one who is being selfish?” he asked, his voice mocking. “You are the one who is planning to take themselves out of this mess you’ve created and leave it to others to solve. When it comes down to it, mein Lieber, you have always been more ruthless than I,” Gellert hissed. With every accusation, Albus’ veneer of calm was breaking. All it would take was one more blow. And Gellert had always known just how to hurt him. His voice carried a pitying tone as he delivered the final strike, “If they knew the full extent of what you had done, I’m sure those boys of yours would agree.”

Albus turned away abruptly, and his voice shaking, whispered, “Goodbye, Gellert.” He made his way hurriedly down the corridor, running away as if the force of Gellert’s words could not reach him anywhere he went.

Throwing himself against the door, Gellert shouted after him, “Don’t think you can get away from me by dying! I will follow you to death if I have to, I can promise you that!”

Albus stopped at the end of the corridor. His back turned to Gellert; he said, “Gellert, I’ve never been under any delusions that I could.” Then he turned down the corridor and disappeared from view.

As Albus’ footsteps faded, Gellert fished the packet Albus had left him out of his pocket. He ripped open the green wrapping, revealing a ring box. With hands still shaking from rage, he opened it. Inside there was a marble ring in the shape of the Deathly Hallows. He picked it up, rolling it between his fingers. The back of it was engraved; The last enemy that shall be destroyed is death.

Smiling wryly, Gellert slipped the ring on his ring finger. It fit perfectly. Closing his eyes, he sat down and leaned his head against the cold rock wall. Behind his lids, there was a pale face with glowing red eyes, his own laughter and the sudden flash of green light. He smiled.

Wait for me, darling, he thought, wait for me.

[beautiful-rebellious-sunflower]

Hi! So I'm trying to convince a friend who isn't really a fan of Abby that she's a precious cinnamon roll. What evidence/arguments/gentle nudging would help to show them the light? :)

You know what? I started writing out a whole long essay of feels about Abby Griffin and why I love her so much, but I realised anything like that was gonna be WAY too long! So here it is condensed into handy bullet pointed list form!

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧  DISCLAIMER

Someone not liking Abby as a character is fine! I don’t expect my fave to be everyone’s fave, and sometimes you get a character who just rubs you the wrong way and you might not even be able to explain why. But, since I was asked, these are some of the reasons *I* love Abby Griffin, and some responses to common criticisms of her (many of which I genuinely think are deeply unfair and based on ridiculously inaccurate interpretations of her character)

Onwards!

she’s a talented Doctor and Scientist

she designed the wristbands! the whole ‘sending the 100 to the ground’ thing was LITERALLY HER IDEA IN THE FIRST PLACE THERE WOULD BE NO SHOW without Abby Griffin

“the most respected person in this camp" 

when Clarke destroys Mount Weather she immediately wants to use all that tech not for killing Grounders like Pike does, but for opening a hospital and healing Grounders and Sky people alike god whatever happened to THAT storyline btw??

saves Nyko’s life

saves Raven’s life

saves Lincoln’s life with an amazing smart, brave moment of sheer shocklashing badassery, and by doing so…

becomes the first person EVER to bring back a Reaper!!! Thus enabling Clarke to win an alliance with the Grounders and presumably becoming a legend with them because she LITERALLY BROUGHT A DUDE BACK FROM THE DEAD YO INDRA DID YOU SEE THAT SHIT

saves Finn’s life long-distance over the radio (look we all have our faults but Clarke, Raven and Octavia are equally to blame for this one so no foul to Abby)

saves Marcus’ life under the rubble of Tondc

saves Roan’s life when he’s shot

…literally are you getting my point half the people in the show would be dead if it it weren’t for her

keeps Ontari alive (and thus helps Clarke save the world) by CRACKING OPEN HER CHEST AND MANUALLY PUMPING HER HEART look even Murphy was impressed by that

she’s super badass and incredibly brave even without resorting to violence and killing like other characters

willing to go to jail and the airlock (!!!) multiple times to try and save the people due to die in the Culling

willing to fire herself at the Earth in an ancient rocket cobbled together by Raven just for the chance that she can prove the kids are alive

goes to meet Indra, a heavily armed enemy warrior leader, alone and unarmed, and doesn’t back down even with a knife held to her throat

climbs into the rubble of Tondc to save people even though she herself was safely out of it

saves Raven’s life (again!) by taking the chip when ALIE makes her cut her wrists

saves Jackson and Miller’s lives on Science Island by distracting a drone

she’s a devoted, loving and good mother (FUCK YOU I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL)

kind of a surrogate mom to Jackson who lost his mom at a young age

clearly wants to adopt both Raven and Murphy too

willing to move heaven and earth to find Clarke and protect her

stands up to Jaha to back Clarke in season two even as he tries to have her deposed and thrown into the stockade because…

“I have faith too. In my daughter.”

also in season two, defers to Clarke and gives up any chance of finding survivors from the other Ark stations to focus on rescuing the kids in Mount Weather

understands why Clarke left post-season two and even though it’s clearly hurting her she doesn’t try and drag her back before ‘she wants to be found’

look I don’t want to go too far on this because some of the time Abby DOES show poor judgement and go overboard in trying to protect Clarke?? I can’t deny that but honestly if the worst u can say about Abby Griffin is that she loves her daughter too much then you’re reaching pretty badly tbh, considering other characters have list of faults that literally include ‘torture’ and ‘genocide’

she’s a woman of extraordinary integrity and deeply held ethics, but also pragmatic and not stupid about it

“You don’t have to justify yourself.I broke the rules and I accept the consequences”

she ALWAYS does what she thinks is right…but she also NEVER shies away from the consequences

horrified by what Clarke does in letting Tondc be bombed…but keeps the secret anyway because she knows it’s necessary

deeply hurt by Clarke’s coup in S2 and shocked at the change in her daughter…but steps aside for her anyway to avoid more bloodshed from an actual fight

haunted and grief stricken by her beloved husband’s death…but was the one to turn him in, because she believed that risking the life of one person she loved couldn’t outweigh the risk of many more lives being lost by his actions

she’s the kindest, sweetest darling

befriends Raven, sees potential in her and treats her as an equal and an ally

besties with Purest Cinnamon Roll Jackson

sees the potential in John Murphy

respects and trusts Lincoln as an advisor when she’s Chancellor

constantly torn between worry and pride for her wayward daughter but would do anything to keep her safe 

forgives Marcus Kane for all the bullshit he put her through and ends up being his biggest supporter and ally and helping him to become a better man

constantly trying to heal everyone and save everyone even though she knows she can’t

constantly trying to find solutions that don’t involve violence and death

wracked with guilt for things she couldn’t have forseen and couldn’t change, worries that she isn’t a good person and doesn’t deserve to survive

led Arkadia in three months of real peace, turning a ramshackle camp into a growing, flourishing home even while dealing with her own personal grief over Clarke being missing

doesn’t get enough sleep

her smile is like the sun coming out from behind the clouds

Abby Griffin in conclusion

she’s incredibly smart

she’s extraordinarily courageous

she’s self-sacrificing

she’s kind and compassionate

she’s passionately driven and principled

she’s willing to get her own hands dirty

she takes care of everyone even though no-one ever takes care of her

she has to try and be a leader AND a doctor AND a mother all at once and even though it means she’s constantly overworked and has to make impossible choices, she willingly bears the burden of those responsibilities

BONUS ROUND UNDER THE CUT!!! Common reasons people give for disliking Abby, and my response to them! :D

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧  DISCLAIMER THE SECOND

Again, this is all just my opinion, and I don’t want to start an argument with anyone who disagrees. The ask here was ‘what evidence/arguments would I use’ so I thought a useful thing would be to lay out why the common arguments of those who don’t like Abby as a character do not sway me personally. My intention is to counter these criticisms with my own thoughts on the subject, not invalidate them.

Onwards!

**

“She’s an overbearing mother who doesn’t believe in Clarke’s leadership and competency even though it’s been proven again and again. She constantly tries to protect her when Clarke can clearly take care of herself and is trying to Get Shit Done without her mom’s interference.”

This is probably the most common one, and honestly I’m afraid I’m gonna have to repeat myself from my point above - if the worst thing you can say about Abby Griffin is that she loves her daughter too much…assuming that most people who make this argument love Clarke too, it seems like a bizarre reason to dislike Abby?

It also strikes me as oddly lacking in context. Overbearing parents can suck, sure, but…Abby Griffin isn’t getting mad about her daughter staying out late partying with friends or getting poor exam results. Abby Griffin is a mother desperately trying to prevent her only child from being brutally killed, or turning into a cold, ruthless killing machine herself, or else just ending up so broken and emotionally scarred that she loses her forever in another way.

These are not unreasonable concerns. These are things that happen to characters on this show!

Abby doesn’t want to lose her daughter. She doesn’t want her daughter to be hurt. She doesn’t want her daughter to have to make the terrible choices and unbearable sacrifices that a leader in Clarke’s position is so often called upon to do. And you know what? In her position I wouldn’t want that for MY daughter either! Is Abby selfish to want to spare her daughter these burdens? Maybe. Is she naive to think she can continue to protect Clarke under these circumstances? Almost certainly. But I can’t find it in my heart to blame her for trying.

Another thing I would really like to point out here that I think is often shamefully overlooked is that this is a flaw of Abby’s that improves with time. Yes, Abby does often question Clarke’s authority in season two and she is stubborn and open in her dismay at the change in her daughter that the Ground has wrought. But as time goes by Abby consistently backs Clarke and defers to her time and time again - standing up for her against Jaha, prioritizing her friends in Mount Weather above finding other Ark survivors, keeping the secret of the Tondc bombing…by the time season two ends Abby has come to terms with the person Clarke has become, and throughout season three and four she is nothing but a supportive and staunch ally to Clarke’s plans.

When they disagree on something Abby will always speak her mind, and when Clarke is in danger Abby will always try to protect her…just as any mother would, and as any of Clarke’s friends would. But if there’s one thing Abby Griffin has, it’s unwavering love and faith in her daughter. Clarke is clearly the person Abby cares most for in the world, and their relationship is one of the most important in the show - whether they’re at odds or working together, that relationship always makes both Clarke and Abby more interesting and more sympathetic to me. It feels like a genuine shame to me that some people find it a cause for resentment towards either of these characters instead.

**

“She’s reckless and doesn’t think through the consequences of her actions. She gave Finn a gun and he slaughtered a Grounder village! She smashed that machine in season four just to save Clarke when the entire human race was at stake!”

Actually I somewhat agree with this one! One of Abby’s faults throughout the show is that she often acts impulsively and makes unilateral decisions to do what she believes is right. Sometimes she turns out to be right…sometimes not. Either way this is something that makes me like Abby more as a character - she’s fallible and human! She makes mistakes! She’s so single minded about protecting her daughter that it can blind her to other concerns!

It makes her a much more interesting character, in my opinion, than an Abby Griffin who is unequivocally Right All The Time. As something of a moral compass for the show, it would be very easy for her to be boring, and having that stubborn, reckless streak makes her far more fun to watch. Give me morphine-stealing, black-market-dealing, do-whatever-it-takes-and-lie-through-your-teeth-to-get-what-you-want Slytherin Abby Griffin any day!

Because…at the end of the day, everything Abby does, good and bad, is done out of love for her daughter, and responsibility to her people. She’s not always right, but she is always - to paraphrase Jake Griffin - ‘doing the best she can.’ And I can’t help but love her for that, and root for her to succeed.

**

“She slapped Raven that one time.”

Yeah, that was a dick move. What, you expected something different? Just because I love Abby doesn’t mean I have to blindly agree with everything she does! As it happens, I share the opinion of a lot of people who think the writing for the show was at fault in this instance - I don’t think that slap was AT ALL in character for Abby to do, but that’s a discussion for another time. Assuming it IS taken as canon…yeah it was a total dick move. I hope (and genuinely believe) that Abby apologised to Raven afterwards. 

But again, I can’t help but think…if the worst charge you can level against Abby Griffin is ‘she slapped someone who didn’t deserve it one time’ then in the context of THIS show that speaks pretty well of Abby, to be honest. Of course it’s absurd to argue that any bad thing Abby does is just fine because other people have done worse things but…just…it’s not unreasonable to get a little perspective here, maybe? This one instance of Abby doing something admittedly unpleasant and unjustified to Raven in a moment of stress is nowhere near enough to cancel out the genuine and loving friendship the two share for the rest of the show, and seems like a pretty thin reason to Hate Abby Forever, especially considering all the awful things literally every other character in the show has done at one point or another except for my precious son Jackson

So although I agree in principle, a lot of the time when people trot out this particular argument it feels a lot to me like playing on everyone’s love of Raven to try and get them to hate Abby…which leaves a nasty ‘pitting women against each other’ taste in my mouth, to be honest.

So yeah, I don’t like this scene. I don’t like what Abby does in this scene. I won’t make apologies for her behavior here. But what I like least of all is anyone who tries to use this scene as some kind of unforgivable indictment of Abby’s character, when it is quite clearly exceptional and uncharacteristic behavior for her; something never seen before or since.

It was a dick move though.

**

“She killed her husband!”

*sighhhhhh*

I don’t hear this one a lot these days, but I really don’t know why it ever comes up at all as a reason to hate Abby? I mean, I can’t believe I have to spell this out for people because it is all explicitly laid out for you on screen in the show, but here in handy list form:

Abby clearly and demonstrably loved Jake Griffin, was terrified that he might be killed for exposing secret information and begged him not to do it

when he refused to back down, Abby confided in Jaha about his plans, because she genuinely believed that Jake was going to doom everyone on the Ark by going public, including Clarke

Abby and Jake were both personal friends with Jaha, and Abby believed that he would not execute Jake - a reasonable thing to think, as Jake had not yet committed a crime and Jaha HAD the power of pardon and was more than willing to use it on Abby when she later broke the law to save HIS life (hey fuck you Thelonius by the way)

when this did not happen and Jake was executed anyway, Abby was clearly and demonstrably horrified and grief stricken

even though Jake Griffin’s death was neither her intention nor her fault, she still obviously bears terrible guilt for her role in it and will have to live with the pain of losing the man she loved every day for the rest of her life

…seriously, this is all there on screen. Why some people persist in portraying Abby as some kind of cackling murderess who happily shoved her husband out of an airlock is beyond me. She trusted the wrong person and made a terrible mistake; an attempt to save lives that ended up losing the life of someone she loved deeply. It was a tragedy for everyone involved, born of the choices made by several different people all acting out of the best of intentions. Abby never came across as anything but deeply sympathetic to me when I watched this storyline play out on screen, and I’m just baffled that anyone feels otherwise? What show were you watching?

“She’s old and boring.”

Hey: fuck you!

Ok so not a lot of people straight up come out and say this, but a lot of the hate towards Abby Griffin really does seem to be because she has the audacity to be a woman over forty on TV. If you hate Abby because she displays characteristics or acts in a way that you would be swooning over if given to a sexy young man in his 20s, then the problem is a whole lot of socially ingrained ageism and misogyny, and there’s not a lot I can do to persuade people out of that.

~**~IN CONCLUSION~**~

A lot of people have different reasons for not liking Abby Griffin as a character, just as is the case for any character in any work of fiction. Some of them I can understand, even if I don’t personally agree with them. Some of them I think are both unfair and unreasonable. However, at the end of the day, all I can do is try and explain my own reasons for Abby being my favourite character, which I have done at…uh…some length. WOOPS.

I love Abby.  I think she’s an interesting character,a  sympathetic character, a vibrant and complicated and vital character. She’s someone I look up to, the kind of person I would like to be. And it bums me out to think that there are fans who just don’t like her, or simply don’t care about her, and that I will probably never be able to change their minds on that.

But there are plenty of people who feel the same way I do too. So Anon, if you are still reading this - and frankly I wouldn’t blame you if you had given up some time ago - my advice for you is this:

Agree to disagree. Talk to your friend about characters you both love in the show. Ask them to keep an open mind about Abby, and try to find out why they just haven’t warmed to her in the way you presumably have. And if you ever want to flail over our smol cinnamon roll science babe queen…there are plenty of us ready and waiting to join you :)

[exilevilifyrp]

                                          file: introduction

full name: theon wyndham age: 27 identifies with: the consolations of philosophy - max richter genesis: hybrid gender: cis-male (he/him) portrayal: dane dehaan 

                                                                        file: biography

2151 – Birth

Some people are sure to be disbelieving and say,

“But how can a computer possibly produce a great symphony, a great work of art, a great new scientific theory?”

The retort I am usually tempted to make to this question is,

“Can you?”

-          Isaac Asimov, Our Intelligent tools

2156 – Interest in robotics starts.

         It starts with a visit at a museum, a story about the ascension of technology in human history and a robot dinosaur. Lola Wyndham is not quite sure where the posters come from after that, but she suspects her husband. After all, he was known to spoil the little boy. They’re not so bad, she thinks. Better robots than those violent games, highly advertised on the vids. Still, the mother cannot quite remember the last time she saw her son socializing with other children or open one of those innocent little video games Granny gave him. She’s anxious. The only times they exchange words now are when she shows interest in the posters. Then words leave his mouth with excitement. The doctors had said that nothing was wrong with Theon, far from it actually. The young boy could speak and read at the age of three years old. A prodigy, they said.

         “Mother.” His voice is small and shy. Blue eyes, which he inherited, fall to the sweet features of his son’s face, attention now driven away from her work. A paper is placed in her hands and she closes the screen in front of her temporarily, setting her work aside in order to examine the gift she just received. A gasp escapes her lips and he frowns. Bringing her onto her legs, her long finger points at something on the drawing he just gave her. “Theon, dear. What does it mean?” It is with very simple words that her son explains the drawing. “It could help you walk.” A device to help her move around the house, since her legs do not work anymore. The drawing, if she could call it that, is not exactly the typical drawing usual five years old gave to their mothers with pride. It seems more like a blue print for a device, his small writing in the margins, arrows pointing from explanations to detailed pieces of the device. Lola’s heart cannot take it anymore and she kisses the top of his head softly. Five years old and Theon is already too aware of the world around him.

         A mother always worry. It is a curse and a blessing at the same time. Years pass and she keeps her eyes on her son. He is soft, and does not quite get why the other children cannot comprehend mechanics as well as he does. He is not unkind, though. He does not shout, or cry. He keeps to himself mostly, even from his own parents. Theon is well above his years. She thinks (she hopes) that he will let go of his obsession. Metal litters the floor of the room usually intended to be his bedroom. Now sleep evades him, a fickle companion. At least Arthur is not too mad when he trips over small inventions all over the house. Lola knows her husband would have preferred if his son would have taken interest in the arts or philosophy, like his father. They fear for him.

         Geniuses do not go unnoticed in Wrotham, especially from corporations.

2159 – First convention.  

         He is eight years old when he attends his first convention.

         The funny thing, he observes, is that the other attendees believe him to be another mindless child. They overlook him. It insults him a bit. He read already all of their research and he could find faults in almost all of them. It is worse when he is called on the stage, with the goal of presenting his new patent. Laughs erupt from the crowd when he realizes he is barely able to reach the microphone. His fingers drum against the desk in front of him. He tries to find Arthur and Lola in the crowd. Lola’s soft features always calmed his mind. But instead, his gaze falls on two weird characters, sitting in the back. Their clothes are different, more refined than the others. Wealth is exuded from their attitude, and Theon is fascinated. They are not laughing, he observes. He is glad.

         The crowd silences itself when he explains how using a different kind material for the IBA cell could improve efficiency by 15.8765%, thus permitting better hologram imaging and communication during certain situation, especially military ones. He rebuffs arguments with facts and calculations.

         Theon learns that adults are petty then. Words are thrown but his age is the only true obstacle to the veracity of his research. Arthur and Lola find him afterwards, Theon can see the worry on their face. How he hates it. They are not big fans of his experiments, even though they always show a positive front when he tried to explain them. He thinks, with regret, that perhaps they’re the same as the other adults. He loves them anyway. Will always do, of course. The young family is about to leave, Arthur navigating Lola through the crowd, in the hover chair Theon made her months ago. A featherlike touch on his shoulder makes him stop in his track and he turns. The two individuals he saw earlier are standing there, in front of him. Perfect skin, impeccable clothes. Arthur and Lola seem nervous at the sight of them. “Hello Mr. Wyndham, my name is Rachael. Here is my partner Rick. We work for Artificial Insights. We would like to discuss scholarships…”

         Theon later learns that Rachael and Rick are Synthetics. Humans with artificial and robotic limbs. In the car, where they explain him that they’re sending him to one of top robotic schools, Theon remarks how Rick is barely looking at him. It annoys him.    

2169 – Artificial Insights & Phase I: Synthetics process

         “We are delighted to offer you a position here at Artificial Insights, Mr. Wyndham. We hope our partnership will be long and fruitful.” Theon forces a small smile to appear on his face, the conventional response to this type of interaction. He would admit that working with machines most of the time did a lot for his social anxiety. Calculations and research do not argue or judge him. Androids did not have the mind to look at him, see only the bags under his eyes, his frail exterior. Androids did not care. Rachael smiles a little, quasi encouragingly. She knows him enough by now to know how uncomfortable he is. The show is for the people sitting on each of her sides. It is the first time Theon meets Rachael’s superiors. Serious men and women, barely looking up at the file in front of them. They tell him they are impressed by his curriculum. Top graduate from all his schools. He is a good return on investment. The sentence irritates Theon.  His fingers drum on the table, nervously. They think of him as a thing, expendable. Theon is now eighteen years old, and will probably become the youngest employee of the company. Numerous research of his are being published and applied already. It resonates in his head; an unwanted conundrum.

         “In this mindset,” Rachael’s voice shatters the train of thought, forces him to raise his eyes to look at them, “you will find all the details regarding the process for Synthetic transformation. You have to understand that we invested highly in you, and we would like our partnership to last.” Again, with the financial idioms. The woman in front of him continues to talk about the specifics but Theon’s blue hues are already reading the material in front of him. Excitement runs through his veins. He remembers the offer he made them, some years ago. Even with the scholarship that brought him where he was, a mind like his would be highly useful to any other corporations. His mind is the only thing that is not replaceable. He needs to protect it.

         Synthetic transformation in exchange of an 80 years work contract. His signature is barely readable on the documents, hand shaking with apprehension.  

2173.0 – Death of Parents in Riots

         Arthur and Lola Wyndham are only two more names among others in the already long list of victims from the 2173 riots in Krenel. The irony of their death does not go unnoticed. They are becoming more and more numerous, the protests against the rise of technology, against robots and androids.

         His hands won’t stop shaking as he listens to the man in front of him. The feeling resemble flying – no, more like falling. Theon inherits the house and becomes familiar with a new emotion, guilt. It envelops him and settles in his heart, heavy. Will it become his new home, he ponders.

         Grief. It is ugly.

         He should’ve called more. Should have listened to his mother pleas ‘come back home for once’. Should’ve done something. Anything. He hadn’t been a very good son. School had started and then work, both intertwined with an endless series of conventions. He was a rising star in robotics engineering, most efficient and useful engineer for Artificial Insights. But all of this, the title and the money, did not keep his parents from dying. Theon inherits the house and transforms it into a lab. With Rachael’s consent, he takes a few days off. Then his mind goes back to what it does best: work. At this point, Theon knows it is a defense mechanism. Some would drink their feelings away. He prefers being useful. Whenever he feels anxious or sad, he plunges nose first into endless calculations, experiments and research. He shuts more people off, mostly because they are distracting.

2173.5 – Theon meets Eliot

         Theon grows bored of the conventions after that. Arthur and Lola are not there anymore, anxiously waiting for their son to speak. Offering him small smiles in the crowd to encourage him. They are gone and he feels lost. Days look all the same to him. Work. Eat. Sleep. Repeat. His heart is not in the research, these days. Sleep evades him once more, and his patience thins with each seconds that pass. Only the sound of the assembling machines calms his mind. Sometimes, he goes down, in the lowest levels of his building. He likes to watch them waking up, the androids. They’re not really alive, he knows that. But Theon appreciates the symbolism – starting new, a mind virgin of emotions and feelings. On the opposite side, he feels just like them. A simple cog in a bigger machine. He’s an investment, after all. Just like them.

         Work. Eat. Sleep. Repeat.

         “I’m sorry, I didn’t want to interrupt your presentation.” Theon lifts his eyes from his scientific journal, wonders who dared approach him in public. His colleagues usually stir away from him. After all, he is far from being an expert at conversations. The engineer recognizes the features of the man before him. The presentation had gone to hell, voice faltering when a participant decided to interfere. The problem wasn’t the interruption, actually. It was the fact that Theon never saw it. His mistake. He’s caught off guard by it and his mind obsesses over it as soon as the stage leaves his sight. Miscalculation, or simple Brows knit, he tilts his head. “Then why did you do it?” The question burns his tongue as the words leave his mouth. A chuckle escapes the other man’s lips and the sound shakes Theon to his core. He straightens up in his seat as the other man takes place on the empty chair in front of him. “Alright, alright. You got me. Would you look over the data, though? I really want your opinion on this.”

         He grabs the tablet from the other’s hand, their fingers brushing.

         Theon feels alive again. Even more so as Eliot’s lips, months later, become a recurrent light, fleeting touch.

2175 – 2175 Massacre

         Wind blows slowly through the opened windows. The silence is heavy in the darkness. The city stops moving for a millisecond. It holds its breath as the fire eats the void above their heads. Music can be heard in the background, faintly. A whisper murmured to the crowd. Its name is Destruction. It’s a glitch, he thinks. The sirens are crying in the night. This is just a simple, easily reparable mistake in calculations.

         He’ll wake up the next morning, and Eliot will be there. In his arms. Already awake, fully functional. He will kiss Theon, softly, tenderly. Run a hand in his hair. A whisper ‘wake up my love’ will flee in the air, will lose itself in the seemingly stopped time. Coffee will burn his tongue and Duke Ellington will play in the background. A normal morning. Theon will listen to the drunken stories of one of his colleague at work, might even try a small smile to show his appreciation for the tale. Eliot will go back to his research and come back after a hard day at work, head full of ideas and optimism.

         It’s only a glitch, Theon thinks. An irregularity in the system. He can repair it. He’s good at this. His eyes fixes the vids as red and bloodied crescents mark the fair skin of his forearm. Eliot is not there the next morning. Only Death kisses him back, brings him news of destruction and despair. For the second time in his life, he wonders ‘why not me?’

         Eliot dies in the riots, his mind forever lost.

2176 to 2177 – Data’s creation & Depression

A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.

A robot must obey the orders given it by human beings except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.

A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Laws.

-          The Three Laws, from the Handbook of Robotics, 56th Edition, 2058 A.D.

“According to the data–”

“Oh, please Eli. Stop with your data already. Everything is going to be fine. I did the calculations myself.”

“One, you’re not infallible and second, the dat–”

“You’re not him!”

         Data does not flinch at Theon’s raised voice, because Data is not human. An android, a perfect and flawless android. Top of his category, because he doesn’t fit in the usual categories. He’s made from scratch, from stolen equipment from his old job. All of Eliot’s research is incorporated in the main matrix. Data can learn. And speak. And asks questions.

         Theon knows he can get arrested. Company property theft, uncatalogued Artificial Intelligence. Non-tested research. Utilisation of rare materials for personal purposes. The list gets longer each times he thinks about it.

         The android looks like him, talks like him, smile like him. But he is not him. Data barely moves when his creator strikes him. Control is not something he has much, these days. The alcohol burns his tongue coming in and coming out. How inefficient. Theon hates himself with such fervor then. Especially as Data holds him there, on the floor, ignoring his creator trying to wrestle his way out of the robotic grip. Theon wakes as Data presses a damp cloth on his forehead. The engineer had never been so embarrassed of his own actions than now.

         Where is the line between genius and madness? When does one falls so deep into a pit of despair, he cannot see the way out anymore?

         Theon is crying as he erases this memory from Data’s core the next day. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry…”

                                                                      file: known associates

NOOMI WEXLER - though wexler corporation was a mere enigma to most, you had uncovered the truth many moons prior. perhaps maintaining it as the unknown would make a far wiser idea, but curiosity would soon unravel a mass of torturous activities and an unwanted truth - actions so cruelly human. it’s a secret you have long since kept, but you wonder how long one can remain silent when another experiment has now appeared.

                                                                  THIS CHARACTER IS UNAVAILABLE.

[jeremystrele]

The Best Of Our Family Column in 2019!

The Best Of Our Family Column in 2019!

Family

by Sally Tabart

Clare and her husband Marty at home with her twin sons Oscar and Elijah (12) and daughter Asha (16). Flowers by Babylon Flowers. Plants by Hello Botanical. Photo – Sarah Collins of Work + Co.

Clare Bowditch On Overcoming Self-Doubt + Being Your Own Kind Of Girl

What do you find works best for you in overcoming your self-doubt? I know you named your anxiety ‘Frank’, which is great.

‘Frank’ is an umbrella title for a feeling of foreboding. I came up with it during the very early recovery stage of my breakdown, when I didn’t really know how to separate my emotions. Now I know it was just anxiety that needed training. Reading Jack Kornfield helped a lot, as did a really practical little book by Dr Claire Weekes called Peace from Nervous Suffering. She was a stalwart of the Australian post-war veteran field. She helped people deal with anxiety before it really had a name. Slowly, slowly I was able to work past it, but it took until I was 27 to have the guts to put my own songs in the world. I’d been building that courage from age 21. I still have self-doubt, but these days it can motivate me. It tells me I’m onto something. My songs have always sat in me like pets. I can’t rush them. They come when they’re ready and my job is to make room for them. So I just keep showing up with my pen and paper.

Revisit our original interview with Clare Bowditch here!

Anthony and Catherine have ‘become tedious, active seniors’ hitting the gym at 6am! Photo – Sarah Collins of Work + Co.

Catherine hopes her boys to embrace the notion of logical, not biological, family. Photo – Sarah Collins of Work + Co.

Author + Comedian Catherine Deveny On Raising A Trio Of Boys

You’ve written on what you term ‘the narcissism of motherhood… the competition and judging each other from labour to Year 12 results to grandchildren.’ It’s so true, but why? I imagine you have an excellent approach for dealing with this or calling it out?  

Sometimes I say, ‘That’s amazing about your high achieving, good looking, well-balanced kids – congrats! My kids play computer games, watch porn and make bongs.’ I won’t enable their competition parenting. When they ask, ‘What school do your kids go to?’ I respond, ‘What difference does it make?’ and flat out refuse to answer until they give me a rational answer. They never do.

Revisit our no-holds-barred interview with Catherine Deveny here!

With artwork for his latest exhibition The Space Into Bicheno opening on September 18th. Photo – Alisha Gore for The Design Files.

Artist Julian Meagher On Creating Through The Parenting Fog

Has fatherhood influenced the way you paint?

One of the biggest challenges in painting, or any creative outlet I would imagine, is to not overcook it. Fatherhood has forced me to let the work live and breathe on its own. I am painting with a lot more freedom. When I start a work I feel like I am actually now taking a run-up before I jump off the cliff. Fatherhood has forced me to accept that I’m not in control of anything at all, and nothing is really about me, so I feel more comfortable taking risks. I’m making a lot more failed paintings than I used to, but I’m making a lot more really successful ones too, I think.

Revisit the original story here.

Chloe Brookman and her family at home in Byron Bay. Photo – Lisa Sorgini.

The Co-Founder of Olli Ella Talks Business + Babies

What have you learned about yourself across your parenting journey? What do you need to be the most effective parent you can be?

To keep a sense of humour and to not try to be perfect, because it’s impossible. You will make yourself miserable in the process. I’ve learned to really sit with the chaos and the mayhem, to not wish away a second of it because it goes by too quickly.

Revisit the original story here.

Meika, 3, also started kinder – it has been a big year for the family! Photo – Sarah Collins of Work + Co. for  The Design Files.

Hendrix, 5, started school as Sophie began her debut AFLW season this year. Photo – Sarah Collins of Work + Co. for  The Design Files.

Meet AFLW Forward And Mum Of Two Sophie Abbatangelo

It’s been said that sport has the power to effect cultural change and advance gender equity. What does it mean to you, and your daughter Meika, to be a part of this?

I grew up watching men in my family play football, from my Dad and brother to my uncles and cousins. Even though I preferred to kick with the boys, I was still supported when I wanted to play competition.

I have always been passionate about equal rights and recognition, not just for athletes but for women in general. If Meika grows up to love sport as much as I do, I feel confident that she’ll be encouraged and accepted within any sport she chooses to play. And if she does aspire to play football, it excites me to think how amazing she could be with the talent and growth that is coming through now. I just hope she uses her strength and ferocity in competitive sport rather than on Hendrix and me!

As for following in my footsteps, I hope she feels empowered to challenge herself with things she might find difficult and if she does choose a sporting pathway, listens to her coaches and finds herself a great group of friends.

Revisit the original story here.

Que and Alfie (4) at home. Photo – Alisha Gore for The Design Files.

Que Minh Luu Talks Parenting Through Producing, Class Systems + Grief

What’s your experience with self-doubt? Any advice on how to not let it stop you doing ‘The Thing’?

I think age really helps. I’m in a job now that gives me some level of agency to make some kind of change, but for years I was highly anxious and full of self-doubt. I had a really great partner and he was my cheer squad, critic and fellow brainstormer. All through my 20s, I just couldn’t visualise where I wanted to be and how I was going to do it. He helped me to be strategic, rather than just focussing on whatever problem was in front of my nose. I spent a lot of time being afraid of looking like an idiot and now I’m okay with being an idiot.

Revisit original story here.

John, Augie and Alison cruising around Collingwood. Photo – Sarah Collins.

Alison Bell On The Joys And Humiliations Of Working Mum Life

How do you work through the guilt that comes with being away from home?

I am no role model there. It’s really, really tough. One consolation, and this is going to sound overly earnest and ridiculous, is that I believe in the work that I’m doing. I know not everyone has that luxury. I’m in a very privileged position where I get to practice my craft and make something I believe in. It does help to acknowledge that fact and recognise this great opportunity I’ve got. I can’t pretend that the feedback doesn’t help. That probably sounds ego-driven, but I don’t want to make work that doesn’t speak to people. I don’t want to put all of my creative/work energy into something that no one connects with.

Revisit original story here.

Royce is the Creative Director of VICE Australia, where he’s been working for the last 11 years. Photo – Sarah Collins.

Kalu and Royce make RIDICULOUSLY cute kids! Photo – Sarah Collins.

VICE Australia’s Creative Director Royce Akers On Dad Guilt + Life In The Suburbs

What’s your experience with Dad guilt? Is it a thing?

I feel guilty about constantly talking about them. I feel guilty when I’m not with them. When I get mad at them I feel guilty afterward. So without googling Dad Guilt, I’m pretty sure I get it from time to time. I’ve had other Dads tell me they feel guilty watching Bluey. The Dad on that show has become a low-key role model, which is hilarious and awesome.

Revisit the original story here.

The family pictured with the newest addition, Veda (4 months). Photo – Sarah Collins of Work + Co.

Stripping-Down The Family-Business Juggle With Pop + Scott

Moving across time, how might you like the girls to remember you to their own families – what do you think your parental legacy will be?

I’d love for them to remember us as a team! That their Mama and Papa were equals, and that their roles in caring for them and the family home were shared.

Revisit the original story here.

[circular-time]

Twin Dilemma re-watch: "Yuck”

I could only stomach part one.

I haven’t gone back and rewatched Six’s episodes, because I had such a hard time with them when they first aired. I was... 13, I think. 

I do so love Colin now, thanks to his excellence in Big Finish and his all-around decency as a human being and a proponent of Doctor Who. (I love his article on behalf of Whittaker in the Guardian.)  So I thought I should rewatch his stories as an adult.

I know there will be good things in future serials, but after watching Part One of Twin Dilemma again, I am struck by how much it seems like a NEVER DO THIS list of the worst possible ways to introduce a new Doctor...

It followed directly after Caves of Androzani. So instead of the usual practice of introducing a new Doctor after a summer of antici----pation, he barged in while most fans were still in the initial NOOOOOOOO!!! phase of the Five Stages of Grief/Loss for his predecessor.

Androzani ended with an emotional exit for the Fifth Doctor, sacrificing himself for a companion (whom we barely knew, and I confess I resented her, too, because of that). Then, Six sits up and sneers at Peri, the person Five just died for, throwing a bucket of cold water over a raw, touching moment. Subverting sentimental moments with cyncism can work, but it relies on mood whiplash for the viewer, so it must be done with care. 

Twin Dilemma starts not in the TARDIS but instead in a crappy set with wooden actors. Suspense is fine, but the contrast with Androzani is painful.

Back in the TARDIS, the new Doctor pats himself on the back to tell us how handsome, intelligent and thoroughout wonderful he is. I remember wanting to shove a pie in his smarmy face. It should be funny, but again, in context of Androzani, it’s childish and irritating.

The worst possible way to establish a new Doctor is to spit on the grave of the last Doctor while fans are mourning him. Which is exactly what Six does, mocking Five for being “sweet” and “feckless” and claiming that wasn’t his true self. He sneers at Peri for being attached to him— and so, indirectly, he sneers at Five’s fans.

Every Peri & Doctor scene is intercut with the uninspire’d B-plot’s more wooden acting, crappy sets and cheap-looking costumes, and a Who monster design nearly as clunky as the Myrka. End-of-season leftover budgets don’t serve a new Doctor well.

The Doctor dons his new costume, the much-derided technicolor nightmare coat, after  sneering at another predecessor (Two) in passing. Peri expresses what most viewers must be thinking: “Yuck.”

At least the wardrobe scene shows that some of Six’s behavior is due to regeneration sickness. Unfortunately, by depicting regeneration’s after-effects as acute, violent fits of madness interrupting his train of thought, it implies that his sneering, arrogant, narcissistic personality is his “real” one.

And of course, if we weren’t already rattled as much as Peri, there’s the infamous strangling scene. This was still a show targeted at children as much as adults. That scene seriously, SERIOUSLY terrified me, far more than anything else in classic Who history. Consider: a trusted adult, authority figure, parental figure, or best friend— the Doctor is all these things to his young audience— suddenly starts verbally abusing Peri, gaslighting her, ignoring her, and acting erratically. Then he violently assaults her, winding up straddling her in a posture disturbingly reminiscent of sexual assault. Even for children and teens who haven’t suffered abuse in real life, that sequence was traumatizing. But for young people who have been emotionally and/or physically abused, for whom Doctor Who is escapism? Devastating. We could no longer project RL fears onto fictional monsters and enjoy the fantasy of a trusted authority figure/best friend/protector. Suddenly, he was the monster. 

After the Doctor snaps out of it, his non-apology consists of dragging Peri off to “suffer” with him on a barren asteroid. Another nightmare of children: adults take you somewhere against your will, and you’re afraid and powerless, and you’re afraid they’ll hurt you.

Peri spends the whole episode whining, whimpering and bickering with him. Which isn’t any fun either. 

The first episode ends with the Doctor viciously guilt tripping Peri for wrongly assuming there’s no survivors of a nearby crash: “you would’ve left your own kind to die.” The wording reinforces the gulf between him and us.

In response, Peri finally snaps and tells him off for being cruel and self-centered.

In short, the Doctor has been transformed from a compassionate Dad or big brother figure into an untrustworthy monster who neglects and abuses his companions. At age 13, I understood that message all too well; I mentally switched him to the “dangerous adult, cannot trust” category. 

I don’t blame Colin for this fiasco. He performed the script he was given to the best of his ability. It’s largely due to his skilled voicework and physical improv that Six’s intro is so memorable and terrifying. 

I know that the showrunners were trying to do something new, different, and edgy. But. “Let’s make the Doctor as jarring and unlikeable as possible” is a dangerous way to break the mold. They needed to provide some reason to keep watching.

After Twin Dilemma, viewers had to wait over a year to see the next story, a very long time to stew over what we’d just seen. Bad first impressions had time to set like concrete.

To make matters worse, this was about the time VCRs became common in households, so many fans could rewatch Androzani and Twin Dilemma to contrast/compare.

All of which leads back to my contention that Twin Dilemma was dreadfully unfair to Colin Baker: giving him a piss-poor intro, then expecting him in the following season to win back the fans the script had driven off. It wasn’t very fair to Nicola, either. 

I’m pissed at Michael Grade & company for throwing so many barriers in Colin’s way, above and beyond the usual headwind of fans clinging to the old Doctor and being wary of the new. And I’m pissed at my younger self for letting Twin Dilemma rattle me so thoroughly that I barely noticed when the true Six, the heart of gold under that pompous facade, started to shine through in later stories. 

[asecretsummer-rpgpromo]

WANTED! FC can be changed!

♠ Madeline Powell is 21 years old and is often confused with Lucy Fry. She is Open.

“I didn’t realise it was so crazy here… um.. I really just want to go home.”

→ Background

Madeline Powell was born and raised in Harlow, in Essex. She and her older brother Oscar were very close and she was always a bright girl. Clever with a vibrant personality, Maddy had a bright future ahead of her according to her parents and teachers. She was funny and smart with a wicked sense of humour. She loved exploring the woods with her friends when she was a kid, the most notable of those being one Elisa Dalton, her best friend since nursery school. Maddy and Elisa would do everything together. They spent all day at school joined at the hip and then after school they’d go round to one of their houses and listen to music or gossip about boys and life, or go exploring round their estate. Elisa even ended up dating her older brother Oscar for a little while and Maddy would joke about how they would get married and they’d all grow old together. They were practically inseparable up until they were thirteen years old. Maddy was just about to celebrate her fourteenth birthday party when Elisa announced that she was moving away. Madeline was heartbroken! Her best friend (and her brother’s girlfriend!) was leaving! Who would she tell all her secrets and spend all her time with? Maddy had other friends of course but none like Elisa. The two girls had a special kind of connection and, though Elisa promised to write her, nothing ever came and eventually Maddy gave up hope of ever talking to her friend again, though she felt like she’d done something wrong to warrant not being kept in touch with and agonised over what it could be.

As time went on, it got easier to carry on with life without her best friend. Time is good at making you forget and Maddy concentrated on the friends who were still around, who seemed to want her in their life, and on her brother. She studied hard and made excellent grades and though she didn’t exactly know what she wanted to be when she was older, she knew that she would be okay. She was clever and had a good head on her shoulders. At the age of eighteen she sort of fell into journalism, desperate to start college but unable to pick until the last moment. She was worried she would hate it but Maddy loved it! Journalism became something of a passion, the place she knew she belonged. She wanted to travel the world telling the stories she came across. On her twenty-first birthday she was set to leave home and travel abroad to work for a newspaper. They had a big party and everything was amazing… and then disaster struck. Maddy and Oscar’s parents died in an accident while driving Madeline to the airport the following morning. Maddy, by miracle, survived with barely a scratch but her parents weren’t so lucky and died on impact.

→ Back to Baberton

Baberton, the town her uncle Ross and aunt Marianne live. The town she and her brother Oscar have moved to, to be close to family after the accident. Maddy has changed somewhat since the crash. She’s all but given up on her dream, too wrapped up in grief to have the energy. Her uncle Ross told her he could get her a job at the local newspaper but Madeline said no. She doesn’t feel like doing anything, she just wants her parents back, she’d do anything to turn the clock back and stop the tragedy from happening. Maddy is no longer vibrant and vivacious. No longer happy. She has a cloud over her head, a lot of survivor’s guilt, and she is sure that this town she now feels trapped in will bring nothing but death.

Everything feels so dark now that her parents are dead and Maddy feels driven mad by her grief. So mad, in fact, that a local girl called Angel Frazier (who she has seen working in a local cafe once or twice) has stood out to Maddy as startlingly similar to her best friend. Oscar tells her she’s silly. It’s been so many years, how could she tell? And why would Elisa be calling herself something different? Lots of people look alike… right? But Maddy can’t shake the feeling that Angel is Elisa and she’s determined to get to the bottom of it. Even if she’s just crazy… it’s a nice distraction from her depression. Maddy hates being this way, she just doesn’t know how to shut it all off.

→ What’s Her Secret?

Feels responsible for the car crash. A few months before the accident, Maddy had gotten involved with a man. A much older man. Someone who had connections and she thought he would help her with her career… plus he was nice to her and she’d known him for years. He’d started coming into the restaurant where she worked part time and sitting in her section and striking up conversations with her. They got to know each other pretty well. Or so Maddy thought. Turns out the guy was psycho or something because when she told him she was leaving the country, he demanded she stay, told her she wasn’t allowed to leave. That he’d do anything to make her stay. She ignored him and cut off contact but the other person involved in the crash vanished without a trace and Madeline can’t help but feel like she caused this. That the guy was involved and she’s a little scared he’s maybe followed her here. Maddy thinks he’s obsessed with her. What she doesn’t know is that he’s more interested in her vanished best friend Elisa.

Found some pills in her aunt’s room that appeared not to be getting used. She did some research and found they were antidepressants and anti-psychotics and has been self medicating on and off with those. She feels stupid and knows it’s dangerous but she likes when they can make her pass out instantly and not have to think. Sometimes they make her feel far away and she’ll do anything not to feel the pain and the guilt any longer.

Main | Plot | Most Wanted | Characters | Ask

[hogwartslessons-blog]

Mythology| Thursday. June 28th, 2018| Lesson Nine: Greco-Roman Heroes and Voyagers

Your first question might be, what is the difference between a hero and a voyager? In truth, not much. Many heroes were voyagers, and many voyagers were heroes. The basic difference is that a voyager went on a long (time or distance wise) journey. That journey did not necessarily have a quest attached to it, as we will see in the story of Odysseus. Heroes, on the other hand, completed great quests or near-impossible tasks generally for the greater good.

Heracles

Heracles and the Hydra

Let’s begin by looking at arguably the most famous of all the Greco-Roman heroes: Heracles (Roman: Hercules). Heracles was, as many of the heroes of the time were, a direct offspring of one of the gods. In this case, Heracles was fathered by Zeus himself, as Zeus needed an offspring strong enough to battle the giants - which we’ll talk about more in our next lesson! The only problem with Zeus’ plan was the intense rage and hatred his wife Hera felt towards Heracles as he was further proof of Zeus’ infidelities.

Through a course of twisted plans and machinations, Hera managed to drive Heracles mad enough to kill his first wife and children. This horrifying action resulted in Heracles being bound to King Eurystheus, who in turn assigned him twelve seemingly impossible tasks in order to repent for his actions. These tasks ranged from killing beasts such as the Nemean Lion and the Hydra, retrieving mystical items such as the apples of the Hesperides and the girdle of Hippolyta (Queen of the Amazons), and labour intensive works such as the cleaning of the thousands of Augean stables in one day. Heracles completed each and every one of these tasks and so was cleansed of the guilt of the murders he had committed.

The twelve labours were not Heracles’ only acts of valour - there were many, many more feats that included rescuing people from the underworld, righting perceived wrongs, and protecting those who could not protect themselves. But for all his greatness, Heracles’ greatest failing was his intelligence, or lack thereof. Don’t get me wrong, if you needed to figure out how to kill a dangerous creature, Heracles was your guy and he would not hesitate to do so. Quite simply, Heracles was very passionate, quick to anger, and almost always repenting for some hasty action that resulted in the death of someone around him.

In a sense, Heracles’ vulnerabilities were what made him the ultimate hero - he still had some human elements to him. So strong was the Greco-Roman belief in his protection of the weak that his name was invoked in numerous protection spells and rituals as both Muggles and Wizards alike believed that doing so would incur his blessing and strengthen the magic.

Another interesting magical aspect to Heracles’ life is actually in the story of his death. When his second wife Deianeira erroneously believes that he has become unfaithful, she sends him a cloak soaked in the blood of the centaur Nessus, who told her it was a love potion. Deianeira was a bit dense, as Nessus gave this cloak to her as he was dying from a wound that Heracles himself had inflicted. While the blood on the cloak did not kill Heracles directly, it caused him immeasurable pain. He consulted with the Oracle at Delphi, who instructed him on how he could die - by lying in a funeral pyre. When Heracles climbed onto the pyre, Zeus sent a thunderbolt to collect him and make him a god alongside his father.

Now, it’s known that Centaur’s blood is in no way poisonous. Suffice to say that the blood was most likely some sort of potion. The potion may have contained Centaur’s blood as an ingredient, but the blood itself was not the poison. Nonetheless, it was so potent as to cause Heracles enough pain that death was preferable.

Jason

The argo

Our second myth surrounds Jason and the Argonauts. While Jason could be seen as a hero undertaking a quest, he is more considered a Voyager as the result of his quest was not entirely successful, as we will soon see.

Jason was a contemporary of Heracles and had been hidden away as his uncle Pelias had overthrown Jason’s father to rule the kingdom. When he came of age, he journeyed back to his father’s kingdom to reclaim the throne that was rightfully his father’s. Along the way, he managed to slay various brigands and beasts, and arrived with many great feats already to his name.

Pelias was afraid that Jason could forcibly take the throne from him, and so concocted a trial for Jason to prove his worthiness before he would give up the throne. This trial was to claim the Golden Fleece from King Aetes - a treasure guarded by a dragon in a kingdom far away. Jason agreed to the plan, and Pelias figured he would never see his nephew again. Once Jason had left, he killed Jason’s father and Jason’s mother died from grief.

The gods, however, were on Jason’s side, especially the goddess Hera. He consulted the oracles before he left, and they not only determined when he should sail, but also assisted in the creation of his ship, the Argo. The Argo was the largest ship to have been built at that time, and was said to have the ability to both navigate and prophecize itself. Now that would have been a piece of magic!

The Argonauts, those young men who joined Jason on his exciting adventure included Orpheus (who you may recall from Ancient Studies last year), the brothers Castor and Pollux (who incidentally were also brothers to the famous Helen of Troy), Achilles’ father Peleus, and several others. Perhaps the most famous was Heracles; however he had a slight misadventure early into the expedition where his shield-bearer was lost and his grief sent him on another impassioned yet pointless search, forcing the Argo to leave him behind.

After several adventures and misadventures (there were Harpies involved. It was messy.), the remaining Argonauts arrived in Colchis, the country where the Golden Fleece could be found. Meeting King Aetes went about as could be expected. He was infuriated at the thought of giving the Golden Fleece to the Greeks, no matter their exchange of whatever tasks he could possibly wish for them to complete. He concocted a plan not unlike the twelve labours of Heracles for Jason to complete, and Jason agreed even though he suspected the tasks would lead to his own death.

Fortunately for Jason, Hera had been pulling some strings in the heavens with Aphrodite, and the latter’s son Cupid had struck King Aetes’ daughter Medea with an arrow causing her to fall in love with Jason. Luckily for Jason, Medea was a witch of unparalleled skill in her time and she used all of her wits and power, plus a few potions, to help Jason tame a wild bull, and best a dragon.

King Aetes was furious when Jason managed to complete the tasks and secure the Fleece. He chased after Jason and the Argonauts as they fled back to the Argo. Medea, who had fled with the Argonauts bringing her brother along, killed her brother and cut off his limbs, forcing their father to stop and pick up the pieces (for no body could be buried missing any parts). As a result, Medea and the Argonauts successfully evaded Aetes and began their journey home.

Both Medea and Hera assisted the Argo’s safe return to Greece, however their return was not triumphant. Jason discovered the death of his parents by Pelias’ treachery, and begged Medea to help him avenge their deaths. Medea did so in quite a horrible way. She brewed a deep sleeping potion and convinced Pelias’ daughters to cut him up into tiny pieces so Medea could cast a spell to restore his youth. So tricked, the daughters unintentionally killed their own father, and avenged Jason’s parents.

Alas, Medea’s plan caused her and Jason to flee from the kingdom to Corinth as they had just murdered a king themselves. And the tragedy only continued from there. Jason eventually fell in love with another woman, and Medea sought out her revenge by not only killing Jason’s new bride, but also the two sons that she had borne Jason. Jason came charging after her to kill her, but Medea leaped onto a chariot driven by two dragons and escaped, leaving him to his sorrow.

And so the story of Jason ends, but not the story of Medea - watch for her as we discuss Theseus at the end of this lecture - as she is a fascinating, and possibly real, historical witch from Greco-Roman times.

Perseus and Medusa's Head

After two rather sad stories full of suffering and the death of children, let’s turn our focus to one of the Greek heroes who did actually have a happy ending.

Odysseus

Odysseus and the Suitors

Our second-to-last myth centers around Odysseus, who was both a Hero and a Voyager. He was also both brilliant and very, very unlucky at the same time.

As a hero, Odysseus was the prime example of a strategist during the ten year long Trojan war. It was he who concocted the plan to build the Trojan horse and hide inside - risking death if the Trojans had decided to torch their gift. Fortunately for Odysseus and the Greeks, the plan worked, Troy was destroyed, and Helen reclaimed for Menelaus, King of Sparta.

Unfortunately, it seems that many of the Greeks became rather full of themselves and forgot their promises to the sea god Poseidon and the goddess Athena who had helped them in their fight against Troy. As the city burned to the ground, some of the Greeks raided the sacred temples of the gods. In Athena’s temple, a Greek named Ajax pulled the Trojan princess Cassandra out of the sanctuary and defiled her. So great was the wrath of Poseidon and Athena that they cast a great whirlwind on the Greek ships as they sailed for home, killing many and stranding others.

While Odysseus was not one of the instigators of the crimes, he was unfortunately caught up in the maelstrom and stranded for almost ten years. After a time, Athena regretted the results of her actions and worked to have Odysseus sent home to his wife and son - arriving twenty years after he had left for war. The journey was fraught with peril. A cyclops, the witch Circe, the Sirens, and several other obstacles blocked his path, not to mention the lingering wrath of Poseidon, who took every opportunity to knock him off course and try to drown him for good measure. Unlike many of the other Greco-Roman heroes and adventurers we have discusses, it was Odysseus’ mind - not his strength - that was his greatest weapon.

Upon his return to his kingdom of Ithaca, he faced the final challenge of removing the numerous suitors that had descended upon his home and demanded to marry his wife, Penelope. With the help of Athena and his son Telemachus, Odysseus once again outwitted his opponents and slew all of the suitors, leaving none but the bard alive. The bard was simply a spectator to these events, and Odysseus believed that anyone with the skills of a bard was blessed by the gods. Not wanting to instigate any further fury from the gods, Odysseus let him go.

The interesting point of this myth is that it favours brains over brawn - something not emphasized in other Greco-Roman heroes.

 Theseus and the Minotaur

Our final myth for today centers around the hero Theseus. I’ve left him for last, as there is great debate amongst wizarding scholars as to the possibility that Theseus and his story are actually historical and not mythological.

Theseus was the son of King Aegeus of Athens, although some say that his true father was the sea god Poseidon. He was kept hidden until manhood in order to assist his father in securing the Athenian throne from a prophesied threat.

When Theseus came of age, he journeyed to Athens, creating a name for himself as a warrior of great strength and moral integrity along the way. Upon his arrival in Athens, he discovered that Medea was manipulating his father. Indeed, Medea saw Theseus as an end to her ability to control the throne, and encouraged Aegeus to kill the stranger. Fortunately, Aegeus had left two personal items with the baby he had fathered - a sword and a pair of shoes. Recognizing these items, Aegeus announced the return of his son and heir, and Medea fled to Asia, where she continued to practice magic.

Sadly, Theseus had returned home during a difficult time for his people. The son of King Minos of Crete had perished while visiting Athens, and the price for not destroying Athens over this incident demanded the sacrifice of seven young men and seven maidens every ninth year to the half-bull, half-human Minotaur found deep in a labyrinth in Crete. Theseus immediately volunteered to be one of the victims in order to defeat the Minotaur.

In Crete, Theseus caught the eye of the King’s daughter, Ariadne, who helped him find a way through the labyrinth of the Minotaur with a ball of string. Theseus went into the labyrinth and killed the monster with his bare hands. He collected up the other Athenians as well as Ariadne and set sail for home.

What happened next is not clear, but somehow Ariadne was left behind on an island where the crew had stopped to rest and replenish their supplies. Some say it was absent mindedness, some say the divine intervention of the demigod Dionysus, but regardless, Ariadne was lost to Theseus. Distraught, he forgot to change the sails from black to white; a prearranged signal to his father that he had survived. Seeing the black sails on the returning ship, Aegeus flung himself into the sea from grief. That sea has henceforth been called the Aegean in his honour.

During his reign as King of Athens, Theseus claimed many other victories, and even fathered a son to one of the Amazons. Ultimately, he married Ariadne’s sister, Phaedra. Unfortunately, Phaedra harboured a very inappropriate lusting for Theseus’ son Hippolytus. Through a series of unfortunate events, Phaedra was turned down by Hippolytus, killed herself, and framed Hippolytus for her “murder”, and Theseus either killed Hippolytus for his treason, or banished him, during which Hippolytus was killed. It was only after Hippolytus’ demise that Theseus learned the true treachery that had happened, and he became ostracized and exiled by his people for killing his innocent son.

Theseus died by being pushed off a cliff by the king of a neighbouring kingdom who both feared Theseus’ strength and detested his actions towards Hippolytus. After a time, the Athenians journeyed to this kingdom to retrieve Theseus’ remains to be buried in Athens as the great deeds he had accomplished for his kingdom outweighed his actions towards Hippolytus.

Scholars today believe that myth of Theseus may in fact be based on a real person, as some of the facts in the story are verifiable: Athens was indeed a commonwealth. Also, there is a significant lack of influence and involvement of the gods in this story, which differs greatly from the other Greco-Roman myths.

If the story of Theseus is indeed true, it then leads to a strong possibility that some of the other myths we examined today are also true. Theseus was known to both house and comfort Heracles after the death of his wife, leading credence to that story. If Theseus’ father was indeed being controlled by the dark witch Medea, that means the story of Jason and the Argonauts could be true. We also know that many of the beasts and monsters in these tales actually do exist, even if the Muggles are not aware of them.

In truth, some of the gods and goddesses in the Greco-Roman world may very have been witches and wizards. Whether they were taken for gods and goddesses given their abilities, or whether they were simply impersonating the divine is unknown. Either way, the knowledge that these myths may be true - at least in part, makes them just that much more fascinating, don’t you think?

Regardless of the hero or voyager, their names were often invoked in magic spells and potion making. As we noted before, Heracles was often invoked for protection, and so was Theseus. Odysseus was often referenced in spells having to do with intelligence and wit, while Perseus and Jason may have been invoked for feats of bravery and adventure. Some of these spells were actual magic work, and some, as we noted in last year’s Ancient Studies class, were simply the work of charlatans. While there is no evidence that invoking these names did anything to the magic, the fact that the Greco-Roman practitioners believed they did was enough to make the practice important for us to study today.

[asecretsummer-rpgpromo]

WANTED! FC can be changed!

♠ Madeline Powell is 21 years old and is often confused with Dianna Agron. She is Open.

“I didn’t realise it was so crazy here… um.. I really just want to go home.”

→ Background

Madeline Powell was born and raised in Harlow, in Essex. She and her older brother Oscar were very close and she was always a bright girl. Clever with a vibrant personality, Maddy had a bright future ahead of her according to her parents and teachers. She was funny and smart with a wicked sense of humour. She loved exploring the woods with her friends when she was a kid, the most notable of those being one Elisa Dalton, her best friend since nursery school. Maddy and Elisa would do everything together. They spent all day at school joined at the hip and then after school they’d go round to one of their houses and listen to music or gossip about boys and life, or go exploring round their estate. Elisa even ended up dating her older brother Oscar for a little while and Maddy would joke about how they would get married and they’d all grow old together. They were practically inseparable up until they were thirteen years old. Maddy was just about to celebrate her fourteenth birthday party when Elisa announced that she was moving away. Madeline was heartbroken! Her best friend (and her brother’s girlfriend!) was leaving! Who would she tell all her secrets and spend all her time with? Maddy had other friends of course but none like Elisa. The two girls had a special kind of connection and, though Elisa promised to write her, nothing ever came and eventually Maddy gave up hope of ever talking to her friend again, though she felt like she’d done something wrong to warrant not being kept in touch with and agonised over what it could be.

As time went on, it got easier to carry on with life without her best friend. Time is good at making you forget and Maddy concentrated on the friends who were still around, who seemed to want her in their life, and on her brother. She studied hard and made excellent grades and though she didn’t exactly know what she wanted to be when she was older, she knew that she would be okay. She was clever and had a good head on her shoulders. At the age of eighteen she sort of fell into journalism, desperate to start college but unable to pick until the last moment. She was worried she would hate it but Maddy loved it! Journalism became something of a passion, the place she knew she belonged. She wanted to travel the world telling the stories she came across. On her twenty-first birthday she was set to leave home and travel abroad to work for a newspaper. They had a big party and everything was amazing… and then disaster struck. Maddy and Oscar’s parents died in an accident while driving Madeline to the airport the following morning. Maddy, by miracle, survived with barely a scratch but her parents weren’t so lucky and died on impact.

→ Back to Baberton

Baberton, the town her uncle Ross and aunt Marianne live. The town she and her brother Oscar have moved to, to be close to family after the accident. Maddy has changed somewhat since the crash. She’s all but given up on her dream, too wrapped up in grief to have the energy. Her uncle Ross told her he could get her a job at the local newspaper but Madeline said no. She doesn’t feel like doing anything, she just wants her parents back, she’d do anything to turn the clock back and stop the tragedy from happening. Maddy is no longer vibrant and vivacious. No longer happy. She has a cloud over her head, a lot of survivor’s guilt, and she is sure that this town she now feels trapped in will bring nothing but death.

Everything feels so dark now that her parents are dead and Maddy feels driven mad by her grief. So mad, in fact, that a local girl called Angel Frazier (who she has seen working in a local cafe once or twice) has stood out to Maddy as startlingly similar to her best friend. Oscar tells her she’s silly. It’s been so many years, how could she tell? And why would Elisa be calling herself something different? Lots of people look alike… right? But Maddy can’t shake the feeling that Angel is Elisa and she’s determined to get to the bottom of it. Even if she’s just crazy… it’s a nice distraction from her depression. Maddy hates being this way, she just doesn’t know how to shut it all off.

→ What’s Her Secret?

Feels responsible for the car crash. A few months before the accident, Maddy had gotten involved with a man. A much older man. Someone who had connections and she thought he would help her with her career… plus he was nice to her and she’d known him for years. He’d started coming into the restaurant where she worked part time and sitting in her section and striking up conversations with her. They got to know each other pretty well. Or so Maddy thought. Turns out the guy was psycho or something because when she told him she was leaving the country, he demanded she stay, told her she wasn’t allowed to leave. That he’d do anything to make her stay. She ignored him and cut off contact but the other person involved in the crash vanished without a trace and Madeline can’t help but feel like she caused this. That the guy was involved and she’s a little scared he’s maybe followed her here. Maddy thinks he’s obsessed with her. What she doesn’t know is that he’s more interested in her vanished best friend Elisa.

Found some pills in her aunt’s room that appeared not to be getting used. She did some research and found they were antidepressants and anti-psychotics and has been self medicating on and off with those. She feels stupid and knows it’s dangerous but she likes when they can make her pass out instantly and not have to think. Sometimes they make her feel far away and she’ll do anything not to feel the pain and the guilt any longer.

Main | Plot | Most Wanted | Characters | Ask

[asecretsummer-rpgpromo]

WANTED! FC can be changed!

♠ Madeline Powell is 21 years old and is often confused with Dianna Agron. She is Open.

“I didn’t realise it was so crazy here… um.. I really just want to go home.”

→ Background

Madeline Powell was born and raised in Harlow, in Essex. She and her older brother Oscar were very close and she was always a bright girl. Clever with a vibrant personality, Maddy had a bright future ahead of her according to her parents and teachers. She was funny and smart with a wicked sense of humour. She loved exploring the woods with her friends when she was a kid, the most notable of those being one Elisa Dalton, her best friend since nursery school. Maddy and Elisa would do everything together. They spent all day at school joined at the hip and then after school they’d go round to one of their houses and listen to music or gossip about boys and life, or go exploring round their estate. Elisa even ended up dating her older brother Oscar for a little while and Maddy would joke about how they would get married and they’d all grow old together. They were practically inseparable up until they were thirteen years old. Maddy was just about to celebrate her fourteenth birthday party when Elisa announced that she was moving away. Madeline was heartbroken! Her best friend (and her brother’s girlfriend!) was leaving! Who would she tell all her secrets and spend all her time with? Maddy had other friends of course but none like Elisa. The two girls had a special kind of connection and, though Elisa promised to write her, nothing ever came and eventually Maddy gave up hope of ever talking to her friend again, though she felt like she’d done something wrong to warrant not being kept in touch with and agonised over what it could be.

As time went on, it got easier to carry on with life without her best friend. Time is good at making you forget and Maddy concentrated on the friends who were still around, who seemed to want her in their life, and on her brother. She studied hard and made excellent grades and though she didn’t exactly know what she wanted to be when she was older, she knew that she would be okay. She was clever and had a good head on her shoulders. At the age of eighteen she sort of fell into journalism, desperate to start college but unable to pick until the last moment. She was worried she would hate it but Maddy loved it! Journalism became something of a passion, the place she knew she belonged. She wanted to travel the world telling the stories she came across. On her twenty-first birthday she was set to leave home and travel abroad to work for a newspaper. They had a big party and everything was amazing… and then disaster struck. Maddy and Oscar’s parents died in an accident while driving Madeline to the airport the following morning. Maddy, by miracle, survived with barely a scratch but her parents weren’t so lucky and died on impact.

→ Back to Baberton

Baberton, the town her uncle Ross and aunt Marianne live. The town she and her brother Oscar have moved to, to be close to family after the accident. Maddy has changed somewhat since the crash. She’s all but given up on her dream, too wrapped up in grief to have the energy. Her uncle Ross told her he could get her a job at the local newspaper but Madeline said no. She doesn’t feel like doing anything, she just wants her parents back, she’d do anything to turn the clock back and stop the tragedy from happening. Maddy is no longer vibrant and vivacious. No longer happy. She has a cloud over her head, a lot of survivor’s guilt, and she is sure that this town she now feels trapped in will bring nothing but death.

Everything feels so dark now that her parents are dead and Maddy feels driven mad by her grief. So mad, in fact, that a local girl called Angel Frazier (who she has seen working in a local cafe once or twice) has stood out to Maddy as startlingly similar to her best friend. Oscar tells her she’s silly. It’s been so many years, how could she tell? And why would Elisa be calling herself something different? Lots of people look alike… right? But Maddy can’t shake the feeling that Angel is Elisa and she’s determined to get to the bottom of it. Even if she’s just crazy… it’s a nice distraction from her depression. Maddy hates being this way, she just doesn’t know how to shut it all off.

→ What’s Her Secret?

Feels responsible for the car crash. A few months before the accident, Maddy had gotten involved with a man. A much older man. Someone who had connections and she thought he would help her with her career… plus he was nice to her and she’d known him for years. He’d started coming into the restaurant where she worked part time and sitting in her section and striking up conversations with her. They got to know each other pretty well. Or so Maddy thought. Turns out the guy was psycho or something because when she told him she was leaving the country, he demanded she stay, told her she wasn’t allowed to leave. That he’d do anything to make her stay. She ignored him and cut off contact but the other person involved in the crash vanished without a trace and Madeline can’t help but feel like she caused this. That the guy was involved and she’s a little scared he’s maybe followed her here. Maddy thinks he’s obsessed with her. What she doesn’t know is that he’s more interested in her vanished best friend Elisa.

Found some pills in her aunt’s room that appeared not to be getting used. She did some research and found they were antidepressants and anti-psychotics and has been self medicating on and off with those. She feels stupid and knows it’s dangerous but she likes when they can make her pass out instantly and not have to think. Sometimes they make her feel far away and she’ll do anything not to feel the pain and the guilt any longer.

Main | Plot | Most Wanted | Characters | Ask

[asecretsummer-rpgpromo]

WANTED! FC can be changed!

♠ Madeline Powell is 21 years old and is often confused with Dianna Agron. She is Open.

“I didn’t realise it was so crazy here… um.. I really just want to go home.”

→ Background

Madeline Powell was born and raised in Harlow, in Essex. She and her older brother Oscar were very close and she was always a bright girl. Clever with a vibrant personality, Maddy had a bright future ahead of her according to her parents and teachers. She was funny and smart with a wicked sense of humour. She loved exploring the woods with her friends when she was a kid, the most notable of those being one Elisa Dalton, her best friend since nursery school. Maddy and Elisa would do everything together. They spent all day at school joined at the hip and then after school they’d go round to one of their houses and listen to music or gossip about boys and life, or go exploring round their estate. Elisa even ended up dating her older brother Oscar for a little while and Maddy would joke about how they would get married and they’d all grow old together. They were practically inseparable up until they were thirteen years old. Maddy was just about to celebrate her fourteenth birthday party when Elisa announced that she was moving away. Madeline was heartbroken! Her best friend (and her brother’s girlfriend!) was leaving! Who would she tell all her secrets and spend all her time with? Maddy had other friends of course but none like Elisa. The two girls had a special kind of connection and, though Elisa promised to write her, nothing ever came and eventually Maddy gave up hope of ever talking to her friend again, though she felt like she’d done something wrong to warrant not being kept in touch with and agonised over what it could be.

As time went on, it got easier to carry on with life without her best friend. Time is good at making you forget and Maddy concentrated on the friends who were still around, who seemed to want her in their life, and on her brother. She studied hard and made excellent grades and though she didn’t exactly know what she wanted to be when she was older, she knew that she would be okay. She was clever and had a good head on her shoulders. At the age of eighteen she sort of fell into journalism, desperate to start college but unable to pick until the last moment. She was worried she would hate it but Maddy loved it! Journalism became something of a passion, the place she knew she belonged. She wanted to travel the world telling the stories she came across. On her twenty-first birthday she was set to leave home and travel abroad to work for a newspaper. They had a big party and everything was amazing… and then disaster struck. Maddy and Oscar’s parents died in an accident while driving Madeline to the airport the following morning. Maddy, by miracle, survived with barely a scratch but her parents weren’t so lucky and died on impact.

→ Back to Baberton

Baberton, the town her uncle Ross and aunt Marianne live. The town she and her brother Oscar have moved to, to be close to family after the accident. Maddy has changed somewhat since the crash. She’s all but given up on her dream, too wrapped up in grief to have the energy. Her uncle Ross told her he could get her a job at the local newspaper but Madeline said no. She doesn’t feel like doing anything, she just wants her parents back, she’d do anything to turn the clock back and stop the tragedy from happening. Maddy is no longer vibrant and vivacious. No longer happy. She has a cloud over her head, a lot of survivor’s guilt, and she is sure that this town she now feels trapped in will bring nothing but death.

Everything feels so dark now that her parents are dead and Maddy feels driven mad by her grief. So mad, in fact, that a local girl called Angel Frazier (who she has seen working in a local cafe once or twice) has stood out to Maddy as startlingly similar to her best friend. Oscar tells her she’s silly. It’s been so many years, how could she tell? And why would Elisa be calling herself something different? Lots of people look alike… right? But Maddy can’t shake the feeling that Angel is Elisa and she’s determined to get to the bottom of it. Even if she’s just crazy… it’s a nice distraction from her depression. Maddy hates being this way, she just doesn’t know how to shut it all off.

→ What’s Her Secret?

Feels responsible for the car crash. A few months before the accident, Maddy had gotten involved with a man. A much older man. Someone who had connections and she thought he would help her with her career… plus he was nice to her and she’d known him for years. He’d started coming into the restaurant where she worked part time and sitting in her section and striking up conversations with her. They got to know each other pretty well. Or so Maddy thought. Turns out the guy was psycho or something because when she told him she was leaving the country, he demanded she stay, told her she wasn’t allowed to leave. That he’d do anything to make her stay. She ignored him and cut off contact but the other person involved in the crash vanished without a trace and Madeline can’t help but feel like she caused this. That the guy was involved and she’s a little scared he’s maybe followed her here. Maddy thinks he’s obsessed with her. What she doesn’t know is that he’s more interested in her vanished best friend Elisa.

Found some pills in her aunt’s room that appeared not to be getting used. She did some research and found they were antidepressants and anti-psychotics and has been self medicating on and off with those. She feels stupid and knows it’s dangerous but she likes when they can make her pass out instantly and not have to think. Sometimes they make her feel far away and she’ll do anything not to feel the pain and the guilt any longer.

Main | Plot | Most Wanted | Characters | Ask

[asecretsummer-rpgpromo]

WANTED! FC can be changed!

Name: Madeline Powell Age: 21 Sexuality: Heterosexual Gender: Female Portrayed By: Dianna Agron Availability: Open

“I didn’t realise it was so crazy here… um.. I really just want to go home.”

→ Background

Madeline Powell was born and raised in Harlow, in Essex. She and her older brother Oscar were very close and she was always a bright girl. Clever with a vibrant personality, Maddy had a bright future ahead of her according to her parents and teachers. She was funny and smart with a wicked sense of humour. She loved exploring the woods with her friends when she was a kid, the most notable of those being one Elisa Dalton, her best friend since nursery school. Maddy and Elisa would do everything together. They spent all day at school joined at the hip and then after school they’d go round to one of their houses and listen to music or gossip about boys and life, or go exploring round their estate. Elisa even ended up dating her older brother Oscar for a little while and Maddy would joke about how they would get married and they’d all grow old together. They were practically inseparable up until they were thirteen years old. Maddy was just about to celebrate her fourteenth birthday party when Elisa announced that she was moving away. Madeline was heartbroken! Her best friend (and her brother’s girlfriend!) was leaving! Who would she tell all her secrets and spend all her time with? Maddy had other friends of course but none like Elisa. The two girls had a special kind of connection and, though Elisa promised to write her, nothing ever came and eventually Maddy gave up hope of ever talking to her friend again, though she felt like she’d done something wrong to warrant not being kept in touch with and agonised over what it could be.

As time went on, it got easier to carry on with life without her best friend. Time is good at making you forget and Maddy concentrated on the friends who were still around, who seemed to want her in their life, and on her brother. She studied hard and made excellent grades and though she didn’t exactly know what she wanted to be when she was older, she knew that she would be okay. She was clever and had a good head on her shoulders. At the age of eighteen she sort of fell into journalism, desperate to start college but unable to pick until the last moment. She was worried she would hate it but Maddy loved it! Journalism became something of a passion, the place she knew she belonged. She wanted to travel the world telling the stories she came across. On her twenty-first birthday she was set to leave home and travel abroad to work for a newspaper. They had a big party and everything was amazing… and then disaster struck. Maddy and Oscar’s parents died in an accident while driving Madeline to the airport the following morning. Maddy, by miracle, survived with barely a scratch but her parents weren’t so lucky and died on impact.

→ Back to Baberton

Baberton, the town her uncle Ross and aunt Marianne live. The town she and her brother Oscar have moved to, to be close to family after the accident. Maddy has changed somewhat since the crash. She’s all but given up on her dream, too wrapped up in grief to have the energy. Her uncle Ross told her he could get her a job at the local newspaper but Madeline said no. She doesn’t feel like doing anything, she just wants her parents back, she’d do anything to turn the clock back and stop the tragedy from happening. Maddy is no longer vibrant and vivacious. No longer happy. She has a cloud over her head, a lot of survivor’s guilt, and she is sure that this town she now feels trapped in will bring nothing but death.

Everything feels so dark now that her parents are dead and Maddy feels driven mad by her grief. So mad, in fact, that a local girl called Angel Frazier (who she has seen working in a local cafe once or twice) has stood out to Maddy as startlingly similar to her best friend. Oscar tells her she’s silly. It’s been so many years, how could she tell? And why would Elisa be calling herself something different? Lots of people look alike… right? But Maddy can’t shake the feeling that Angel is Elisa and she’s determined to get to the bottom of it. Even if she’s just crazy… it’s a nice distraction from her depression. Maddy hates being this way, she just doesn’t know how to shut it all off.

→ What’s Her Secret?

Feels responsible for the car crash. A few months before the accident, Maddy had gotten involved with a man. A much older man. Someone who had connections and she thought he would help her with her career… plus he was nice to her and she’d known him for years. He’d started coming into the restaurant where she worked part time and sitting in her section and striking up conversations with her. They got to know each other pretty well. Or so Maddy thought. Turns out the guy was psycho or something because when she told him she was leaving the country, he demanded she stay, told her she wasn’t allowed to leave. That he’d do anything to make her stay. She ignored him and cut off contact but the other person involved in the crash vanished without a trace and Madeline can’t help but feel like she caused this. That the guy was involved and she’s a little scared he’s maybe followed her here. Maddy thinks he’s obsessed with her. What she doesn’t know is that he’s more interested in her vanished best friend Elisa.

Found some pills in her aunt’s room that appeared not to be getting used. She did some research and found they were antidepressants and anti-psychotics and has been self medicating on and off with those. She feels stupid and knows it’s dangerous but she likes when they can make her pass out instantly and not have to think. Sometimes they make her feel far away and she’ll do anything not to feel the pain and the guilt any longer.

Main | Plot | Most Wanted | Ask

[asecretsummer-rpgpromo]

WANTED! FC can be changed!

♠ Madeline Powell is 21 years old and is often confused with Dianna Agron. She is Open.

“I didn’t realise it was so crazy here… um.. I really just want to go home.”

→ Background

Madeline Powell was born and raised in Harlow, in Essex. She and her older brother Oscar were very close and she was always a bright girl. Clever with a vibrant personality, Maddy had a bright future ahead of her according to her parents and teachers. She was funny and smart with a wicked sense of humour. She loved exploring the woods with her friends when she was a kid, the most notable of those being one Elisa Dalton, her best friend since nursery school. Maddy and Elisa would do everything together. They spent all day at school joined at the hip and then after school they’d go round to one of their houses and listen to music or gossip about boys and life, or go exploring round their estate. Elisa even ended up dating her older brother Oscar for a little while and Maddy would joke about how they would get married and they’d all grow old together. They were practically inseparable up until they were thirteen years old. Maddy was just about to celebrate her fourteenth birthday party when Elisa announced that she was moving away. Madeline was heartbroken! Her best friend (and her brother’s girlfriend!) was leaving! Who would she tell all her secrets and spend all her time with? Maddy had other friends of course but none like Elisa. The two girls had a special kind of connection and, though Elisa promised to write her, nothing ever came and eventually Maddy gave up hope of ever talking to her friend again, though she felt like she’d done something wrong to warrant not being kept in touch with and agonised over what it could be.

As time went on, it got easier to carry on with life without her best friend. Time is good at making you forget and Maddy concentrated on the friends who were still around, who seemed to want her in their life, and on her brother. She studied hard and made excellent grades and though she didn’t exactly know what she wanted to be when she was older, she knew that she would be okay. She was clever and had a good head on her shoulders. At the age of eighteen she sort of fell into journalism, desperate to start college but unable to pick until the last moment. She was worried she would hate it but Maddy loved it! Journalism became something of a passion, the place she knew she belonged. She wanted to travel the world telling the stories she came across. On her twenty-first birthday she was set to leave home and travel abroad to work for a newspaper. They had a big party and everything was amazing… and then disaster struck. Maddy and Oscar’s parents died in an accident while driving Madeline to the airport the following morning. Maddy, by miracle, survived with barely a scratch but her parents weren’t so lucky and died on impact.

→ Back to Baberton

Baberton, the town her uncle Ross and aunt Marianne live. The town she and her brother Oscar have moved to, to be close to family after the accident. Maddy has changed somewhat since the crash. She’s all but given up on her dream, too wrapped up in grief to have the energy. Her uncle Ross told her he could get her a job at the local newspaper but Madeline said no. She doesn’t feel like doing anything, she just wants her parents back, she’d do anything to turn the clock back and stop the tragedy from happening. Maddy is no longer vibrant and vivacious. No longer happy. She has a cloud over her head, a lot of survivor’s guilt, and she is sure that this town she now feels trapped in will bring nothing but death.

Everything feels so dark now that her parents are dead and Maddy feels driven mad by her grief. So mad, in fact, that a local girl called Angel Frazier (who she has seen working in a local cafe once or twice) has stood out to Maddy as startlingly similar to her best friend. Oscar tells her she’s silly. It’s been so many years, how could she tell? And why would Elisa be calling herself something different? Lots of people look alike… right? But Maddy can’t shake the feeling that Angel is Elisa and she’s determined to get to the bottom of it. Even if she’s just crazy… it’s a nice distraction from her depression. Maddy hates being this way, she just doesn’t know how to shut it all off.

→ What’s Her Secret?

Feels responsible for the car crash. A few months before the accident, Maddy had gotten involved with a man. A much older man. Someone who had connections and she thought he would help her with her career… plus he was nice to her and she’d known him for years. He’d started coming into the restaurant where she worked part time and sitting in her section and striking up conversations with her. They got to know each other pretty well. Or so Maddy thought. Turns out the guy was psycho or something because when she told him she was leaving the country, he demanded she stay, told her she wasn’t allowed to leave. That he’d do anything to make her stay. She ignored him and cut off contact but the other person involved in the crash vanished without a trace and Madeline can’t help but feel like she caused this. That the guy was involved and she’s a little scared he’s maybe followed her here. Maddy thinks he’s obsessed with her. What she doesn’t know is that he’s more interested in her vanished best friend Elisa.

Found some pills in her aunt’s room that appeared not to be getting used. She did some research and found they were antidepressants and anti-psychotics and has been self medicating on and off with those. She feels stupid and knows it’s dangerous but she likes when they can make her pass out instantly and not have to think. Sometimes they make her feel far away and she’ll do anything not to feel the pain and the guilt any longer.

Main | Plot | Most Wanted | Characters | Ask

[asecretsummer-rpgpromo]

WANTED! FC can be changed!

♠ Madeline Powell is 21 years old and is often confused with Dianna Agron. She is Open.

“I didn’t realise it was so crazy here… um.. I really just want to go home.”

→ Background

Madeline Powell was born and raised in Harlow, in Essex. She and her older brother Oscar were very close and she was always a bright girl. Clever with a vibrant personality, Maddy had a bright future ahead of her according to her parents and teachers. She was funny and smart with a wicked sense of humour. She loved exploring the woods with her friends when she was a kid, the most notable of those being one Elisa Dalton, her best friend since nursery school. Maddy and Elisa would do everything together. They spent all day at school joined at the hip and then after school they’d go round to one of their houses and listen to music or gossip about boys and life, or go exploring round their estate. Elisa even ended up dating her older brother Oscar for a little while and Maddy would joke about how they would get married and they’d all grow old together. They were practically inseparable up until they were thirteen years old. Maddy was just about to celebrate her fourteenth birthday party when Elisa announced that she was moving away. Madeline was heartbroken! Her best friend (and her brother’s girlfriend!) was leaving! Who would she tell all her secrets and spend all her time with? Maddy had other friends of course but none like Elisa. The two girls had a special kind of connection and, though Elisa promised to write her, nothing ever came and eventually Maddy gave up hope of ever talking to her friend again, though she felt like she’d done something wrong to warrant not being kept in touch with and agonised over what it could be.

As time went on, it got easier to carry on with life without her best friend. Time is good at making you forget and Maddy concentrated on the friends who were still around, who seemed to want her in their life, and on her brother. She studied hard and made excellent grades and though she didn’t exactly know what she wanted to be when she was older, she knew that she would be okay. She was clever and had a good head on her shoulders. At the age of eighteen she sort of fell into journalism, desperate to start college but unable to pick until the last moment. She was worried she would hate it but Maddy loved it! Journalism became something of a passion, the place she knew she belonged. She wanted to travel the world telling the stories she came across. On her twenty-first birthday she was set to leave home and travel abroad to work for a newspaper. They had a big party and everything was amazing… and then disaster struck. Maddy and Oscar’s parents died in an accident while driving Madeline to the airport the following morning. Maddy, by miracle, survived with barely a scratch but her parents weren’t so lucky and died on impact.

→ Back to Baberton

Baberton, the town her uncle Ross and aunt Marianne live. The town she and her brother Oscar have moved to, to be close to family after the accident. Maddy has changed somewhat since the crash. She’s all but given up on her dream, too wrapped up in grief to have the energy. Her uncle Ross told her he could get her a job at the local newspaper but Madeline said no. She doesn’t feel like doing anything, she just wants her parents back, she’d do anything to turn the clock back and stop the tragedy from happening. Maddy is no longer vibrant and vivacious. No longer happy. She has a cloud over her head, a lot of survivor’s guilt, and she is sure that this town she now feels trapped in will bring nothing but death.

Everything feels so dark now that her parents are dead and Maddy feels driven mad by her grief. So mad, in fact, that a local girl called Angel Frazier (who she has seen working in a local cafe once or twice) has stood out to Maddy as startlingly similar to her best friend. Oscar tells her she’s silly. It’s been so many years, how could she tell? And why would Elisa be calling herself something different? Lots of people look alike… right? But Maddy can’t shake the feeling that Angel is Elisa and she’s determined to get to the bottom of it. Even if she’s just crazy… it’s a nice distraction from her depression. Maddy hates being this way, she just doesn’t know how to shut it all off.

→ What’s Her Secret?

Feels responsible for the car crash. A few months before the accident, Maddy had gotten involved with a man. A much older man. Someone who had connections and she thought he would help her with her career… plus he was nice to her and she’d known him for years. He’d started coming into the restaurant where she worked part time and sitting in her section and striking up conversations with her. They got to know each other pretty well. Or so Maddy thought. Turns out the guy was psycho or something because when she told him she was leaving the country, he demanded she stay, told her she wasn’t allowed to leave. That he’d do anything to make her stay. She ignored him and cut off contact but the other person involved in the crash vanished without a trace and Madeline can’t help but feel like she caused this. That the guy was involved and she’s a little scared he’s maybe followed her here. Maddy thinks he’s obsessed with her. What she doesn’t know is that he’s more interested in her vanished best friend Elisa.

Found some pills in her aunt’s room that appeared not to be getting used. She did some research and found they were antidepressants and anti-psychotics and has been self medicating on and off with those. She feels stupid and knows it’s dangerous but she likes when they can make her pass out instantly and not have to think. Sometimes they make her feel far away and she’ll do anything not to feel the pain and the guilt any longer.

Main | Plot | Most Wanted | Characters | Ask

[asecretsummer-rpgpromo]

WANTED! FC can be changed!

♠ Madeline Powell is 21 years old and is often confused with Dianna Agron. She is Open.

“I didn’t realise it was so crazy here… um.. I really just want to go home.”

→ Background

Madeline Powell was born and raised in Harlow, in Essex. She and her older brother Oscar were very close and she was always a bright girl. Clever with a vibrant personality, Maddy had a bright future ahead of her according to her parents and teachers. She was funny and smart with a wicked sense of humour. She loved exploring the woods with her friends when she was a kid, the most notable of those being one Elisa Dalton, her best friend since nursery school. Maddy and Elisa would do everything together. They spent all day at school joined at the hip and then after school they’d go round to one of their houses and listen to music or gossip about boys and life, or go exploring round their estate. Elisa even ended up dating her older brother Oscar for a little while and Maddy would joke about how they would get married and they’d all grow old together. They were practically inseparable up until they were thirteen years old. Maddy was just about to celebrate her fourteenth birthday party when Elisa announced that she was moving away. Madeline was heartbroken! Her best friend (and her brother’s girlfriend!) was leaving! Who would she tell all her secrets and spend all her time with? Maddy had other friends of course but none like Elisa. The two girls had a special kind of connection and, though Elisa promised to write her, nothing ever came and eventually Maddy gave up hope of ever talking to her friend again, though she felt like she’d done something wrong to warrant not being kept in touch with and agonised over what it could be.

As time went on, it got easier to carry on with life without her best friend. Time is good at making you forget and Maddy concentrated on the friends who were still around, who seemed to want her in their life, and on her brother. She studied hard and made excellent grades and though she didn’t exactly know what she wanted to be when she was older, she knew that she would be okay. She was clever and had a good head on her shoulders. At the age of eighteen she sort of fell into journalism, desperate to start college but unable to pick until the last moment. She was worried she would hate it but Maddy loved it! Journalism became something of a passion, the place she knew she belonged. She wanted to travel the world telling the stories she came across. On her twenty-first birthday she was set to leave home and travel abroad to work for a newspaper. They had a big party and everything was amazing… and then disaster struck. Maddy and Oscar’s parents died in an accident while driving Madeline to the airport the following morning. Maddy, by miracle, survived with barely a scratch but her parents weren’t so lucky and died on impact.

→ Back to Baberton

Baberton, the town her uncle Ross and aunt Marianne live. The town she and her brother Oscar have moved to, to be close to family after the accident. Maddy has changed somewhat since the crash. She’s all but given up on her dream, too wrapped up in grief to have the energy. Her uncle Ross told her he could get her a job at the local newspaper but Madeline said no. She doesn’t feel like doing anything, she just wants her parents back, she’d do anything to turn the clock back and stop the tragedy from happening. Maddy is no longer vibrant and vivacious. No longer happy. She has a cloud over her head, a lot of survivor’s guilt, and she is sure that this town she now feels trapped in will bring nothing but death.

Everything feels so dark now that her parents are dead and Maddy feels driven mad by her grief. So mad, in fact, that a local girl called Angel Frazier (who she has seen working in a local cafe once or twice) has stood out to Maddy as startlingly similar to her best friend. Oscar tells her she’s silly. It’s been so many years, how could she tell? And why would Elisa be calling herself something different? Lots of people look alike… right? But Maddy can’t shake the feeling that Angel is Elisa and she’s determined to get to the bottom of it. Even if she’s just crazy… it’s a nice distraction from her depression. Maddy hates being this way, she just doesn’t know how to shut it all off.

→ What’s Her Secret?

Feels responsible for the car crash. A few months before the accident, Maddy had gotten involved with a man. A much older man. Someone who had connections and she thought he would help her with her career… plus he was nice to her and she’d known him for years. He’d started coming into the restaurant where she worked part time and sitting in her section and striking up conversations with her. They got to know each other pretty well. Or so Maddy thought. Turns out the guy was psycho or something because when she told him she was leaving the country, he demanded she stay, told her she wasn’t allowed to leave. That he’d do anything to make her stay. She ignored him and cut off contact but the other person involved in the crash vanished without a trace and Madeline can’t help but feel like she caused this. That the guy was involved and she’s a little scared he’s maybe followed her here. Maddy thinks he’s obsessed with her. What she doesn’t know is that he’s more interested in her vanished best friend Elisa.

Found some pills in her aunt’s room that appeared not to be getting used. She did some research and found they were antidepressants and anti-psychotics and has been self medicating on and off with those. She feels stupid and knows it’s dangerous but she likes when they can make her pass out instantly and not have to think. Sometimes they make her feel far away and she’ll do anything not to feel the pain and the guilt any longer.

Main | Plot | Most Wanted | Characters | Ask