#ppl get too single minded abt all three of them

[teddybeartoji]

mickey i need ur thoughts on jjk men (esp satoru) helping out and showing love for their partner with autism

like uuuuuuuu i was thinking abt toru keeping a pair of his sunglasses with him hust in case youre visually overwhelmed. ORRRR him teleporting you to a quieter space when he notices that theres too many complex sounds that are upsetting you.

ughhhhh like imagine one of them remembering that pressure is soothing for you and js puts their full body weight whenever you come back home from a bad day.

GUHHHH them keeping candles of your favorite scents and alwaya makes sure to keep your safe foods stocked up whenever you visit

OH NOW I'M REALLY KISSING YOU GRAY MY BELOVED!!! THIS IS SUCH A WONDERFUL LITTLE ASK WAHHH I GOT SO GIDDY

i agree with everything you said!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! now i know that every single one of them would do anything and everything to help you out!! but i did pick some things out that really made me think of them!!! anyway hello my fellow autistic ppl this one is for you all i love you very very much<333

satoru 100% carries extra sunglasses with him and i think he'd actually carry his black blindfold aswell. obvs he's not gonna make you wear it as you're moving through public but he'd lead you to a quiet spot and then just let you have a moment. he's either sitting you down next to him or he's holding you against his chest, protecting you from every single ray of light that could possibly make it any worse for you. bc honestly... sunglasses are sometimes just not enough for me personally. i've had my fair share of times where i just have to cover my eyes with my hands bc it just hurts so much.

we all know that satoru is a big yapper but i know he needs his quiet time too. i think he would love to just Do Nothing with you in complete silence. maybe you're both just taking a nap together, maybe you're just laying in the sun out in the park. maybe you're resting your head on his lap, maybe he's resting his on yours. it's all just about gentle touches and looks.

he loves it when you ramble and he's literally your biggest hypeman!! he's ready to spend all of his fucking money on you and any fucking equipment you could ever need. you want a new game or a new console? they're both already waiting for you at home. you want to start drawing? he has already ordered a tablet for you to practise on. you want to get into photography? he's buying you a camera and three different lenses. he wants you to be happy and he wants you to be able to do everything you could ever possibly want. he's just the sweetest guy ever i am crying rn actually:((

he's the best little autism bf btw. bc he gets it. he understand. he knows. he knows all about the light sensitivity. he knows all about the difficulty of eating "normal" foods, always munching on candy and snacks bc that's just easier. he knows about the fidgeting, he knows about the innate need to have somebody lay on top of you. he knows about the rambling and the hyperfixations. he knows about the confusing social clues and the ridiculous differences of speaking tones. he knows about the eye-contact problems - whether you're someone, who struggles to keep it or you're someone, who can't tear your eyes from everybody else just like him - he understands! he knows about being straighforward and speaking exactly what's on your mind and then being scolded for it. he knows about Not Really Understanding personal space. he truly does understand and he's ready to do anything and everything to help you cope with Life.

toji is theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee best weighted blanket and i stand by that. he's so fucking huge and he's so fucking heavy - he's perfect. he's gonna tease you about it but just a little!! you tug him by his hand and he gladly takes his place on top of you bc let's be honest... he's gonna love it, too. he's protecting you! he's taking care of you in a way that doesn't need words! he's trying his best! and if this is what you need - he is going to do it!!!

also with the light and sound sensitivity - he'd gladly pull you into his chest and cover your eyes with his big ass palm. and it would feel soo comforting wtf. the weight of it and just the fact that it's him?? fuck, i know it'd be so good. or your ears. he's placing them on your ears, muffling the overwhelming sounds while cradling you and wahh:(( he'd make you feel so safe.

suguru and shoko and parallel play. it's amazing. they will read a book while you're gaming. or suguru's painting while you're reading. or shoko's having her morning smoke and coffee while you're doing your skincare (i'm sorry i just can't get out the beautiful picture of her sitting on the little windowsill of your bathroom, a cig inbetween her fingers and a cup of coffe in her hand. no words are being spoken - it's just the sound of the birds outside, the water running and her gulping down her little espresso. thank you for listening.)

or suguru's doing his little home workout routine as you're crocheting. or it's you and shoko just laying on your shared bed scrolling on your phones in silence. could literally be whatever. they're gonna glance at you every once in a while, they're gonna ask how you're doing, how you're feeling and then they're gonna give you a tender smile and a kiss on your cheek and continue on. i'm melting just thinking about it.

suguru is obviously also going to be there for you if you have sleeping problems. he understands them all too well and he's pulling out all the stops to help you fall asleep (and himself). he's gonna make the tea one night and you'll make it the next night. it's equal. maybe you're also going to take a lovely little bath together, you'll giggle exhaustedly as you both slur out very stupid jokes and after that you'll both climb under the covers and take turns in listening to each others heartbeats and (hopefully) fall asleep.

shoko and sarcasm. she definitely makes a lot of sarcastic jokes and comments and she'll be a bit confused at first when you just blurt out the good-old "i don't know whether you're joking or not". but i think she'd find it super cute. she'll still occasionally make the comments but she'll make sure to check in whether you got it or not. i think she would tease but she'd do it very lightly (she definitely cackles when satoru doesn't understand sarcasm though lmao but you're her baby and she doesn't want you to feel bad). and i think she would love if you made terrible sarcastic jokes. like she would laugh until there are tears prickling in her eyes and you'd still be like ????? i don't understand and then she'd laugh even more. she's so cute.

kento is always ready to cook for you. he understands how hard it can be, how overwhelming it can be. he doesn't mind it a bit. i truly think this would be good for the both of you! he loves to cook and it's such a relaxing thing for him, and it's even better now that he knows he can see you fill your cheeks with delight. he needs you to eat well and he will make sure you do!

i also think that he's so patient with you and he'd never ever make you feel like you have to speak with him. he buys little plushies that you can turn inside-out, a pink side and a blue side - indicating how you're doing on the Speaking department that day. and these tiny interactive pins and you can express whatever you're feeling without ever speaking a word. he never pressures you in any way, always just reward you with more reassurance and a kiss to your temple.

he's ALSO the best listener. like he never talks over you. never. not even on an accident???? it's a superpower i think. he let's you talk at your own pace and he just stares at you with very soft eyes:((

wait i also think that shoko, utahime and yuki would gladly speak for you. in a sense of if you have social anxiety or you stutter or anything like that, they'd easily take up the task of ordering for you! they literally have all of your orders remembered and everything.

[mikakuna]

JASON SHOCKING PPL WHEN HE TAKES OFF TGE HELMET BC HE IS SUCH A PRETTY BOY YES YESSSS YESSSSS!!!!! I need it, I crave it, and on the topic of scars, I’m remembering this old series I used to read back in middle school, the lunar chronicles? Where there was a character, Winter, who was so beautiful and everyone agreed (she was the Snow White equivalent) and she had three symmetrical scars down the side of her cheek from under her eye down to her jaw and they looked like tears. Idk, Jason like that as well always gets me.

But Jason with no scars too??? Yes yes yes yes want it need it crave it desperate for it to shock ppl, like, I’m constantly in an annoyed at Tim mood cause he’s been everywhere in fics even when you filter him out 😭 and I’ve come across so many “poor baby Tim’s friends the titans HATE Jason for attacking sassy poor scared baby bird Tim and threaten Jason on his behalf when they see him on a mission or at the watchtower or smth” and I have enough spite to want an oh yeah? How about a fic that starts off like it’s going in that direction.

Jason the absolute unbothered king who does not give two shits abt the Titan tower incident cause whatever it was a while ago move on? And he wasn’t fighting a baby he was fighting a dude a year or two younger than him, who had training, and the hubris to think he could beat Jason. It wasn’t a one sided smack down, and of it was ever spun that way it’s because Jason was THAT good, and Tim was too caught up in his prejudices regarding Jason to truly believe Jason had skill. That’s on Tim.

For jason, it happened, but it’s not even that big of a deal it’s barely registering on his radar bc Tim does NOT take up space in his list of priorities. Jays a busy guy. So maybe he’s at the watchtower or wherever with the outlaws (biz and arty cause Roy and Kori are with dicks TT atm, but you just know they are excited to see Jason again. (Jayroy my beloved.) and obvi so is Donna.)

and he gets approached by the comically angry Tim’s teen titans like OoOH we got a bone to pick with you! All that usual woobifying of Tim talk happens like, “so pathetic that you as an adult are coming in and beating on some kid sooo much younger than you, and all that crap,” and arty and biz are bristling here, and Jason just, shakes his head in wtf, takes of his helmet, muttering “this I gotta see with my own eyes” only for him to faintly register the THUNK of Kyle Rayner walking into a window, and the sputtering of Tim’s friends as they trail off in gobsmacked.

When they speak again it’s Kon, clearing his throat, “so like, are you single or…”

Cassie, hissing, “kon!” Sharply elbowing him in his side, still shook that Jason is barely older than them.

Kon, hissing back from the corner of his mouth, eyes still on Jason, cheeks flushed, “what? It’s not like I have a PROBLEM with the crime lord thing, my other dad is Lex Luthor!”

HAHDJD YES I LOVE ALL OF THIS

everyone thinks jason is this horrific monster for fighting tim like tim didn't equally fight back. it is NOT jason's fault tim's weak ass lost against him!!!!

omg the idea of him being so unbothered that he doesn't even remember fighting tim but meanwhile everyone and their moms have that shit in the back of their mind constantly because tim has them all thinking he's a little kid that needs protecting. it's just jason not giving a single fuck and 100% willing to fight him again to see if tim's improved even slightly <3

kon's reaction is so real !!! instant switch up when he realizes that this is not an old man but a beautiful, gorgeously scarred individual he will begin courting instantly. kon's internal thought is to wonder why tim was so upset about jason beating him because he would gladly sign up. my fav trope is everyone realizing how young jason is ♥️

thank you so much for sharing this amazing idea I LOVE ITTTT

[wyldblunt]

hi personal post just under a cut, it's not even serious or negative or anything i just feel like blabbering and it's embarrassing to have it out in the open lol

i NEED......... to get over how shy i am abt playing w ppl in game... it's not even just Running Content, i mean i get anxious/shy about even just. goofing around aimlessly/map completing with anyone i haven't known for literally years. or who i am not literally married to.

idk what it is!!! my brain immediately kicks into overdrive and gets completely clogged up with "am i not talking enough. are they getting bored. am i moving too fast/slow. i don't know what to do. this is stressing me out" and i have zero idea how to stop myself from getting like that. literally yesterday (SORRY IF THIS WAS YOU??? I THOUGHT YOU WERE NICE FWIW) someone came up to me and marina in game and said hi nicely and asked what we were up to and i like. Answered Once, and then did not talk again the whole time, and we sort of ran around together for a bit until i kind of lost track of them but the ENTIRE TIME i was agonizing over "am i being totally unfriendly and weird by not chatting. am i coming off like i want them to go away or just generally like an asshole" and as you can see i am also still agonizing about it now. even though objectively it was probably completely fine.

and EVEN WITH very good friends i've known for a long time i clam up like that... when i was trying to get into ffxiv some very good friends stopped by to give me stuff/say hi to my character etc and i got the exact same way!!! ppl i literally talk to all the time on twitter etc but then the second we're behind in game avatars i just get stressed out and start feeling super awkward and aside from like. jumping in place a few times suddenly forget literally every single thing i have ever known about human socialization

but it's dumb!!! and i'm so over it!!!! i wanna run dungeons and fractals and stuff, i even wanna scrape a group together to kind of activate my old guild again and claim a guild hall, stuff like that... and i KNOW the tumblr community is a great way to do that bc u guys are all so friendly and chill and it's way better than trying to throw myself into pugs or whatever. but oh my god. my fucking BRAIN, man

as i type this all out i do wonder if maybe a solution would be getting on voice chat w ppl while trying to play stuff together bc i truly feel like 90% of my anxiety comes from "i cannot type in chat and play at the same time, therefore i get super overwhelmed and confused about how to communicate naturally" and i feel like vc would solve that. but uh. if anyone does not mind sometimes running content with a guy who will probably be mostly silent and weird the whole time (the real glyndwr experience!!!!) please feel free to hit me up and i will get back to u between three and six billion business days

EDIT adding on more bc im still thinking lol. i just have a huge huge fear of coming off like a dick or like im unfriendly or something. ppl have constantly told me im intimidating for ages and it hurts my feelings and i get really antsy about it (this is why i never play reblog games abt like "rate how intimidating the person u reblogged from is" etc bc if anyone actually said they were scared of me i would get sad for real lol!!!). i naturally usually have a kind of flat/dry affect online and i make friends slowly, and i don't feel like changing how i express myself bc it's natural to me but. agh!!!! agh!!!! my wittle feelings!!!!!!

[thepandalion]

anyways so last week we finished season 4 of house md

I can admit to crying in those final episodes

Also this kinda ruined my werewolf au. Because now my babies are fighting and I can't quite reconcile that with what I have of my au.

So. Multiple ideas:

Amber is a vampire. She survives, but when Wilson decides that her miraculous recovery means he should tell her that he's a werewolf, she reveals that actually vampires and werewolves don't go well together for dating (which uhh. Is a bit of a problem bc I'm pretty sure there's a bit where they think cuddy wants to date wilson and wwwau cuddy is also a vampire). So she breaks up with him and is still alive and they're just broken up

Amber still dies. Wilson forgives house faster than canon bc while he was about to let Amber in on werewolf stuff he didn't yet, so she's not pack while house IS pack, so I'm just ignoring all those parts of s5 for the sake of my boys and nothing else

Amber dies but now she's been pack?? House is also upset because they've now both been Wilson's people and while he might not have liked Amber he respected the fact thay wilson did and sorta respected Amber as a person too. They're not mad at each other but still get time apart. Wilson has a character arc where he goes to meet some wolves in the forest and tells them about how one of his humans got another one killed and effectively does werewolf therapy with this older werewolf (who will later come in and find human wilson because in this version good things can't happen and older werewolf has cancer and is dying). House would come up to wilson in that period when Wilson left in canon and go "I get it if u don't wanna be pack anymore and go be with other wolves in the forest like uve been doing for months now - yeah I know abt that btw" and wilson would just. Break. Bc wtf do you mean "don't wanna be pack" of course he still wants to be pack. He just needs time alone for a sec.

A universe where season 4 happened but Amber and Wilson aren't dating. Still got the new fellows but wilson is still woefully single and Amber goes to work at like. Mercy or something. Idc. Just means she doesn't die. But house might :3 because the bus very much did still crash in this version

Just. Ignore season 4 entirely. Didn't happen cannot touch me. Foreman did quit and idk maybe cameron too. Chase didn't really get fired so much so as he got promoted. He's got a small office near wilsons and he runs the magical medicine department where they treat magic people, which includes werewolves and vampires but also like. Just people practicing magic. Because chase is one of those in this au. He eats rocks and I do have a case in mind where a seer running a magical ingredients shop gets saved by him and she gives him some really cool stuff to do magic with and after that it becomes custom for patients to hand in small magical artifacts to their doctors if they're treated by the magic ppl. One of those patients accidentally fuels chases addiction to eating shiny rocks. There's a silly intervention. Anyways there's gonna be new fellows to replace those three and they might be the same fellows but also maybe not. Because I'm not sure if foreman can keep his job at mercy this time around. So I can have taub replace him in the sceptic position (but this time with the mild spicy interest of "well ok, say that vampires exist. Why do we believe our patient is one just because they say so? Everyone lies after all" and stuff). Thirteen is gonna be. Some type of creature probably. So's kutner but his vibes are just murky enough that I'm stuck in the like ??? Phase of "is he magic or just neurodiverse"

Help. Legit cannot decide between these

[juicezone]

the last ask game is so hard for me to read so uh. freebie!! anything u wanna answer for your guy

(i did just send you a lot of questions feel free to skip any of them if it's too much!!)

bold of you to assume i wont take any chance given to talk about my things /joking <3

💯 HUNDRED POINTS SYMBOL — share three random facts about your oc that others may not know. 1: When not regressed, Cooper doesn't really like dinosaurs that much. They're pretty neat, but he doesn't love them the way he does when regressed! 2: Cooper does not acknowledge nicknames but he loves them so much but he doesnt usually give any indication of it <3 however if any of his friends/cg/babysitters think he's slipping, they'll toss in an experimental nickname. If something else suddenly gets very interesting, it's usually a sure sign :P (Super Duper Cooper is like 100% a good go to esp if he's feelin a bit cranky, just bc its silly) 3: Do not leave Puppy Cooper alone, even if he insists its fine. He will be the saddest puppy ever and you WILL feel bad abt it. Baby-Cooper is more fine alone, but its like.. a "you can leave me alone, its fine w/e" 💤 SLEEPING SIGN — is your oc a light sleeper or a heavy sleeper? how are their sleeping habits? Ward dislikes bedtime when regressed, and Cooper is like "So help me god. if i'm up 10 minutes past my bedtime, we WILL have a problem" Cooper sleeps like a brick (which is part of the reason its helpful to wear a diap when going to bed regressed. he will not wake up if he has to potty)

🐈 CAT — does your oc prefer a wide circle of friends or a few close friends? Few close friends! Ward wormed his way into Cooper's non-existence social group and by proxy, Cooper eventually became closer w Bones, Kirk, and Spock. They're def a bit more reserved than Ward is around the three of them (jesus cooper thats OUR CAPTAIN.) but he's not super closed off to them anymore! usually.

🍝 SPAGHETTI — what is/are your oc's favorite food(s)? Cooper is Very. VERY picky. is better at eating multiple small snakc throughout the day, usually going for something like a banana, apples + caramel, single-serving boxes of cereal, those little "adult" versions of lunchables. Doesnt mind most veggies as long as they arent mushy! If you give cooper a mushy food, they will be like "incorrect. we are enemies now" TLDR: Uhhh more like tolerated foods than fav foods! Granola bars of various kinds are almost always a safe bet

🤔 THINKING FACE — what are some of your oc's quirks/mannerisms? Cooper talks to the machines he's fixing! He very much agrees w/ Scotty's sentiment that the Enterprise is a "Fine lady" and treats all the malfunctioning equipment like it needs some good ol TLC. Will get very mad if they see you smack the consoles

😞 DISAPPOINTED FACE — does your oc attract others, or do they tend to be left alone? Cooper tends to give off a stand0ff-ish, distance sort of vibe so they dont really have a lot of connections w other ppl! Ward, however, saw Cooper regressed tooone day, and went "omg.. we are brothers now" and bby cooper was like ????? and then that just continued into everything else

[velocitic]

Do as many or as few of these as you want!

Band/Artist: Hippo Campus

Song: Simulation Swarm by Big Thief

Album: Ed Buys Houses by Sidney Gish

hey this is ira 4-5 days in the future this is going under a read more you'll see why thanks so much love you

Hippo Campus

Do I know them already?: yes :) and i am so normal about them come closer | no 

If I know them: 

Favourite Song: Usually Chapstick, Formerly Bambi, Currently Listerine ; okay i've been working on this ask for a few days because busy. i also really like ease up kid an abnormal amount.

Least Favourite Song: uhhh. not necessarily "least favourite" as much as "have listened to it less than 10 times" - baby

Favourite Album: i think landmark is just always going to be a part of my life forever and ever to be honest with you. it's the album that got me into hippo campus and the summer a few years ago now that it was the only album i listened to for 3 months was the lowest place i've ever been in and i think this music + walking aimless and flat broke in a city i had literally run away to on a manic whim for hours because i worked all the time but never made enough money to do anything there + listening to landmark on total flat out loop until i heard the music even when i wasn't listening to anything - is something i don't think i will ever be able to forget. those 3 months were...not ideal? but this one album has attached to it every single small shred of a good thing, a good feeling, a good meal, relief from sitting down after a 12 hour restaurant shift, sunset in the best autumn weather i've ever experienced, riding a bus that wasn't for school for the first time, my first taste of a real, actual city life, boardwalk wandering, the laughter however rare and even the month i spent in the hospital; which, mind you, was easily the best month of the whole three of them. really good album. lp3 is really bomb too :)

Least Favourite Album: mmm. demos I ? but not. all the songs on it i just vibe better with the mesh of how demos II is set up...

Song that got me into them: it has quite literally been. years and years but i think it was halocline, waaay. way back in 2015 on my not-boyfriend's 8tracks. then i forgot about the band when i stopped talking to my not-boyfriend. then found them again a few years later with bambi, which still is very very very dear to me and very important

Seen Live?: 

Not. Yet. Soon.

Rate: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 100 this is literally my favorite band almost 10 years running babey #hippocampussweep

Song: Simulation Swarm by Big Thief

couldn’t finish it | not my thing | it’s fine | I could get into this | ooo I like | oh hell yeah | fuck this is some good shit | there aren’t even words, this transcends words 

Oh my g-d the lyrics are so fucking good. yeahyeahyeahyeah yes sing to me about the crooked corpses the empty horses yes yes the river of light yes yesyesyesyes i love when words are so good oh my G-D they say simulation swarm just now. yes. yes. yay. holy shit. i already really loved a few Big Thief songs going into this so i am of course not disappointed; i really love this. you should listen to bloodlust by aeseaes.

Album: Ed Buys Houses by Sidney Gish

wait holy shit i just looked it up i know this album. i did not recognize the artist name or album name at all. what do you want from me tonight is one of my fav songs that i point at and say look its me. hell yes

Opinion on cover design: it's so good it looks like the inside of my brain :]

Favourite song: what do you want from me tonight (before listening to full album) | ...Other than WDYWFMT (bc h. yes) probably either hexagons and other fun materials Or presumably dead arm. :) i also really like homecoming serf for sureeee!!

Least favourite song: midnight jingle sorry or not sorry depending on how you feel abt it

Underrated track: i do not follow a lot of ppl who talk abt gish. but probably buckets of fun

Overrated track: i do not follow a lot of ppl who talk abt gish. pbb wdywfmt because thats the one that came up on my discover weekly like 2 years ago when i foudn that song and proceeded to not listen to any of the rest of it until just now so thank you

Rate: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9.5 | 10 

Song opinions:

!Ed Buys Houses! -- Cute and poppy absolutely zoned out during it though because I was so floored at the realization that i knew this album and haven't recognized it this almost whole week

Midnight Jingle -- Unfortunately i am extremely nitpicky about speaking voices in my songs and the niche where voices are good in a song and where i start getting bored / annoyed is thin and veneered in judgement. the actual song is good i just almost skipped it entirely because of the phone convo at the beginning

Buckets of Fun -- YES YES YES STATIC DISTORTION IN SONGS <333 YES BABE RUUUUIN THE LEVELS ON YOUR AUDIO FILES!!!!! YES !!!!!!!!!!!!

Homecoming Serf -- oh good the melancholy. hm this is less about the Song and more about the Experience thus far (oh hell yes jesus of suburbia reference <3) but i really love how the songs so far haven't been super jarring to the pace of listening to it straight through, midnight jingle is almost in my mind retroactively justified because i can't imagine the disappointment i'd feel about another I CAN EASILY ACT GAYER THAN FUCK HATE. i love you gish. thanks. i'd feel about another phone call dragging on for a minute before there's any Song. so if it has to exist it does make sense to be a "first song" after the "theme" song that !EBH! is serving as a role. this song though goes so fucking hard i relate so hard <3 i love the atmosphere. it's not a sad song? it's a song that's lowkey and expressionistic--okay, sorry to be...a theatre person but in this song specficially sidney sounds like veronica sawyer from o'keefe's running ?? i think ??

Vaudeville -- aw hey apparently i have vaudeville relatives on my mom's side that's fun. this song does sort of slow down but again the pace is very intentional / consistent still. almost like a heart beat! i don't know how to word it but there's some kind of specific Thing that gish is doing with the music overall that is very funky and i enjoy it very much. the words and phrases and curses placed so Casually throughout the music is very harsh in a very good way. like a scrape at a waterpark. or rope burn on a tire swing.

Friday Night Placebo -- i've been eyeing the title of this song this whole time... it definitely is starting to slow down, but again it's like the entire album is on a curve. okay it ramps up and then down. i also feel like it's possible the album is weaving a specific story but i can't read the lyrics while i type this so i struggle to hear all the words (#hohW) but i do love just this feeling. very hazy? is that the word? i'm trying to find this word that encompasses this feeling. it's not hazy, it's not juvenile. what is the word! sorry i kept getting called by a telemarketer during this song but tbh that added i think to the intended emotion overall. maybe. it feels very ... not rugged. what is the word. oh the song's over--

Hexagons and Other Fun Materials -- funky groovy ass bass line. hell yes. also i love shapes please explain math and shapes to me. oh no i relate to this song already oh g-d oh fuck fuck oh no. fuck. well. what a fun little story about wanting to find something to excel in so that you will seem in some way meshed with those around you, but you are not able to force yourself into it. okay. there's voices in this one but i relate so deeply to the song itself in a way that is a little shocking for some reason that actually i don't even care. i might even Like those voices being there. oh my g-d i need to call my therapist. sorry. hesus christ.

Cokesbury -- back down to the dampened tone... you know those hoodies? with the - like - wool, i think, or maybe hemp...? thick knit and super super rough textured, with the slow diamond patterns. you can get them in stoner shops a lot i think. that's what this sounds like. it smells like incense and a super dark, barely lit, cramped souveneir shop in a college town (not a college city. college Town.) there's like one employee who leans against the cashier counter and ignores you as long as they possibly can (as they should). this album is probably the type of music that would play on those shitty little sony speakers hung up way too far apart in each corner of the store and played at too low a volume to actual build into a song you can hear properly. it's great.

It's Afternoon, I'm Feeling Sick -- this album came out in 2016 which is when-ish i moved across the country to live with my dad i hadn't spoken to in 5+ years out of nowhere and i know this is not true this is a joke here but also i do think if you put this album to a wordless biopic of the last 2 years of high school and first 2 years of my dad having custody of me you would think it had been written for that biopic specifically. good song!

Presumably Dead Arm -- yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes the intro. is nice. yes there's the words. oh i love this alreadyyyy. second to last song on the album yes babe i love it. honey you are nothing to me!!!! i am dying on the sofa and i'm . oh my G-D this one could be the ending of the biopic where i had run away from home and was insane for several years following. i want to have a coffee with gish gonna be honest with you i think we'd have some things to talk about. i love the "i want to go back, i want to know you when i didn't and i want to have what everyone i knew had" ... oh boy this song hits for me. i think this one's going on my "songs that look like me" playlist. btw i genuinely have no idea if any of this Says Anything about my mental state or whatever so like feel free to psychoanalyze me should you ever want to i love being perceived. 10/10 song. oh no we're almost done. i was just starting. where did the time go.

What Do You Want From Me Tonight? -- WELL I TOOK SOMEONES ADVICE WITH A ROLL OF EACH EYE!!!!! SHE TOLD ME TO SIT DOWN TWICE WAHT DO YOU WANT FROM ME TONGITH NOW IM STUCK LOSING MY MIND WHILE EVERYONE ELSE JUST THINKS THAT IM REALLY SHY WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME TONGIHT CUZ IM INVITED BUT IM TERRIFIED TOO AND ILL SIT HERE FOR A MILLION YEARS JUST STARING ACROSS THE ROOM BUT WHAT DO YOU WANT CUZ I WANT IT ALL AND ID REALLY RATHER STEP BACK BUT MY WALLS AGAINST THE WALL WHAT IF IM TOO NICE ITS A PUNCH IN THE FACE TO BE SO OVERPOLITE WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME TONGIHT MY VOICE IS TOO HIGH AND IT MATCHES MY HEAD AND I LOOK LIKE I WANNA DIE WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME TONGIHT? CUZ IM INVITED BUT IM TERRIFIED TOO. AND ILL SIT HERE FOR A MILLION YEARS JUST STARING ACROSS THE ROOM. BUT WHAT DO YOU WANT CUZ I WANT IT ALL AND ID REALLY RATHER STEP BAACK BUT MY BACKS AGAINST THE WALL ADN IM BORN TOO TALL TO CONTORT MY SPINE INTO A BALL AND I WANNA DISAPPEAR BUT IM NOT ADEQUATELY SMALL!!!!! AND IM INVITED BUT IM TERRIFIED TOO AND ILL SIT HERE FOR A MILLION YEARS JUST STARING ACROSS THE ROOM BUT WHAT DO YOU WANT CUZ I WANT IT ALL AND ID REALLY RATHER STEP BACK BUT MY BACKS AGAINST THE WALLLLLLLLLLL.

[szczekaczz]

1, 17, 38!

1. what are 3 things you’d say shaped you into who you are?

first and most important thing would be learning english at the age 12... because it truly opened so many opportunities it's crazy. being able to access the information from such many international sources and to read the points of view of everyone who too can speak english really broadens your horizons for sure. especially when you're from a rather small country :') not to mention all the books that are either extra expensive to get here or there are simply no translations available..... so yeah learning it so early was literally life-changing

second one.. or rather someone is my philosophy teacher from high school. at that time i saw a lot of myself in him and it gave me a much needed peace of mind that ppl like me can truly live the life that gives them happiness. philosophy was his true life passion and his lectures were filled with so much emotion and excitation, it was really freeing to see him talk so openly about something he loves and being madly respected by us for it. his second love was exactly one particular mountain range which he called his lover and hearing him talk about it too was wonderful... and he loved working with teens and was the most respectful adult towards them i have ever met, plus his honest curiosity towards what we think and wanting to truly understand what we mean were a very good lesson for learning patience and respect for others even if u think at first they're talking bullshit. i could talk abt him for hours so let's just summ up that seeing an adult aspie being happy and content with his life really gives you hope for the future when you're an angsty teen haha

three hmmm the plague dogs. especially the movie because i still can't bring myself to actually read the book ending [*] but the ending is one of the reasons why i find it so important <3 because this book/movie shaped a lot of my art preferences and art is important for me sooo... it has just the right level of anthropomorphication, dogs don't behave like they're literal people put into canine bod, as it sadly feels to me in most of the media, but there's this nice blend of dog and human way of thinking and perceiving the world. very interesting! the characters' relationships, the way snitter's hallucinations are described in the book, voice acting in the movie... and the ending feels like a perfect tragedy for me, meaning that i really can't see their fates ending in any other way they end. and i love a good tragedy haha, all enormously inspiring when it comes to creating my own works too <3

17. name 3 things that make you happy

1 dogs always forever.. my own dog, all the dogs i've ever known and formed a relationship with, learning about them in any way, observing them irl and on the vids other people take and share, talking about them, everything <333

2 birch trees, the amount of happiness i feel each and single time i see them is incomparable ;;❤️ i need to hug a birch really soon or i'll go crazy and i'm not joking

3 nature simply and living in city after many many years by the forest and meadows and in the quiet really made appreciate it even more. i've seen people calling it "small" joys in the "mundane" but for me it's truly big and special. rays of sunlight, the grass, the wind, the animals, everything... anything you can experience with any of your senses. if i had to define the meaning or the sense of my life it's experiencing as much of nature as i can <3 nothing heals more

38. fave song at the moment?

there's even a decent translation, would only change "not so much" into "so little" just for it to sound better, the meaning is the same. it may be corny or whatever, i didn't find such themes very personal in the past but a war in a neighboring country changes many things in one's perception of the world. it somehow comforts me these days :)

[jakowskis]

im gonna do it anyway FKJSDF here is precisely sixteen paragraphs of me babbling abt a tw orgy fic 😒 under the cut for nsfw obvi (+ length fhsdkjf) but i didn't get terribly graphic tbh

here's the fic!! (explicit rating 🫵)

so i first read this fic p early into my tw fixation + its been a fav of mine since, ive read it countless times n i think abt it a Lot. i love tw poly + this fic explores the sexual end of that, all the overlapping attractions going on. bc rlly n truly i think these ppl all wanna fuck each other and they should. they should. it mostly sticks to the canon relationships, with some line-blurring, and lowkey it’s so damn tangible it’s not even funny. like, it could absolutely be canon. not a lick of it feels far-fetched or unfathomable. 

it’s in owen’s pov, early s2 owen, and it’s probably the most in-character owen i’ve ever seen, which is rlly fucking funny to me. this author rlly Got him and i constantly mourn that they didnt write other stuff with him. pensive. (+ hes so endearing in it too like. my bisexual disaster!!! dorky bi disaster ilysm mwah.) and owen’s pov is additionally a brilliant choice because, as we know, he’s the most sex-motivated character, and he’s also canonically attracted to all his coworkers, and i love the nuance with which this fic explores that, exactly how his attraction to each of them functions.

and on the same subject? this fic is so heartwarmingly and thoroughly bisexual. m/m, m/f, and f/f ships are all given equal regard, each of the characters feel as bisexual as they really are, and owen’s narration in particular is so incredibly bi, like the way his attraction works and the things he notices and finds arousing, it’s perfect. it makes me very happy as a bisexual and also as an owen stannie who’s always far too pleased when fics actually let him be attracted to men. but it’s also just grounded like he doesn’t just find traditional things attractive because he’s also got feelings for everyone a bit, he’s fond of everyone and he's attracted to specific aspects of everyone, so he notices specific things... it’s just really lovely.

speaking of. as yall know my torchwood otp is owen & ianto and this fic is fucking BRUTAL in that regard, it teases SO BAD. i’ve never been so blue-balled by a fic before. they’ve got such a sexy back-n-forth in this, it’s like fencing, and ianto keeps teasing and then withdrawing and leaving owen frustrated and it leaves ME frustrated every single time i read it. they have a lot of tension in the show, imo, and it manifests perfectly in this fic, this will-they-wont-they. it’s fantastically sexy, somehow, the suspense of it.

as i mentioned, the fic mostly explores the main three ‘canon’ ships. now, as i've made clear on this blog, i dislike tosh x owen, am Bothered by jack x ianto, and don't particularly care about gwen x rhys. this first manages to make the first two not only bearable but also fucking good. i'm not so much opposed to the ships themselves, i'm opposed to how they're usually done in fic - this fic manages the perfect tone for both of them. it's literally sooo good. and the rhys & gwen is solid too i luv them

like fr i hate towen but im fond of the way they are in this fic. the way owen sees her feels tangible, and they’re on the same page in a way theyre not in the show. the fic ends with him asking her out on a date and i can’t even find it in me to be mad about it because they just sort of work here in a way thats totally a realistic interpretation imo. which i honestly didn't think was possible cuz nobody else is doing it (including the show lol). this fic is one of literally two fics in existence where i liked the towen hdsfkfd. also it should be noted i do NOT like straight piv sex it squicks me out (esp w my fav involved, thats just a me thing) but this fic makes it bearable. mostly. lowkey owen's still kind of bottomy w both tosh n gwen in this and i love that. i do not mind het sex if the man is giving bottom realness 👍

and the janto is also great, i don’t read fic for them but i’ve gotten the vibe that people like to make ianto submissive... i prefer dom!ianto in regards to owento and it’s seeped into my general view of the character, and his dom vibes in this are immaculate. him and jack are so much fun here, they both tease each other, play games with each other, a push-pull, and you get a sense of what a whirlwind they are. it’s brilliant. like okay THATS the appeal. I See. oh and there’s also a jack/ianto/owen scene towards the end (my favorite, when it's done well, which is basically never tbh) that’s incredible and also sooo frustrating bc i wish it was MORE but it’s also perfect. and owen kind of realizes he’s a pawn in their little game with each other and it’s soooooooooo. i love it. hrgh. love that sort of thing. so hawt xDD yay yaoi yayy xD

and hhrhghg ianto's aforementioned dom vibes majorly crop up with him and owen and its. sooo fucking hot it drives me nuts. when i said the fic blue-balls you irt owento... it's not even overly explicit, it's in the Energies; it's sexy as shit. i love sensuality, i love seduction, i love sex lying in things that aren't necessarily sexual and yet are. wahoo!

oh wait and speaking of being a pawn. there’s a little bit of gwen x owen which i’m personally fond of (mostly as a horny thing. i dont ship them domestically i just think theyre hot together) and they’ve got this specific vibe in this fic... rhys is there, so they don’t do much, but it’s like something forbidden, and gwen’s a bit of a tease, she plays with owen a bit and toys with the danger of letting rhys in on their little secret, and it’s really hot imo. there’s a very fun rhys x jack part (coinciding with the main owen x gwen part) and i loveee fdshfjdks rhys getting initiated into the gay alien cult via the slutty space man. also gwen gets to be a fujoshi about it which is her right imo. gwen and jack don’t go in each other’s orbits, which is amusing, but in that particular scene jack’s with rhys while gwen’s with owen and you almost get the sense theyre fucking through them, and it’s soo smart. I LOVE HOW ALL THESE PPL R INTERTWINED the constant voyeurism of torchwood. i am always saying this. there's always somehow a third party in any given workplace relationship they have. someone's always haunting other ppl's sex. it's insane

oh tosh my love... tosh is soooo good in this fic. shes a bit like adam!tosh, when shes more confident, that easy laidback sexiness, and it’s fantasticcc. hrhgh i need her. shes so hot. also she definitely has, ahem, the most fun in this fic. if you catch my drift

there’s also TWO bits with tosh/ianto/owen, which im so unbelievably fond of, and owen’s in bisexual heaven during both scenes and it’s really good fsdhkjf. owen has a fun time in this fic as far as weaseling himself into multiple threesomes n i think thats exactly where he belongs tbh. grr i have wanted to write a fic where tosh holds owen's hand and pets his hair while ianto fucks him for a year now eventually i will. i think that would make smth click in all three of their heads

...i could really gush about the ianto x owen so much like hrhhghg its SO hot. because almost nothing happens between them like it’s all ianto being a tease, or jack dragging ianto away and making him something forbidden, something owen's not allowed to have (which ofc pisses him off), and it’s HRGH. and again the D/s vibes. IM DROWNING i need more dom!ianto sub!owen fic i need it like air. owen's my fav closeted bottom character of all time and in this fic he so badly wants ianto to dom the shit out of him and its. HRHHGHGHG!!!!

'almost nothing happens between them' me when i lie bc there is, ofc, that j/i/o scene towards the end - but even then, there’s that buffer of jack, and owen can’t quite capture ianto’s full attention when he wants it so bad and yet at the same time he can’t bring himself to mind bc he also fancies jack on some level and it’s just. chef’s kiss.

what else what else... there’s some tosh/gwen which, i’m not specifically huge on, but also i’m not immune to lesbians and it’s hot ehehehe. i think eating pussy would fix gwen a little. thats all.

oh and jack and tosh dont rlly have a proper scene but theres one bit where she teases him and it makes me. hrrghgh. and owen n ianto r right next to them having a moment and its soooo. aaaa that scene makes me insane. Youll See if u read it.

in conclusion: like i said torchwood to me is a show where everyone wants to fuck each other and everyone Should be fucking each other and what i love about this fic is it's sex pollen but it's not the sort where they're out of their minds w lust yanno it just removes inhibitions. all these desires were already there (as we see in owen's initial narration like i love that hes already admiring his coworker's bodies before he's even had a drink 😭 that's my lil horndog) and it just... gives them an excuse, rlly. i love them very much and also theyre all very hot to me. oh to be a fly on the wall in this fic fhsdkfjds

one day i will snap and rave incoherently for sixteen paragraphs about that one torchwood or/gy fic thats like unironically and wholeheartedly one of the best fics in the entire fandom and gets all their dynamics w each other perfect. but for now i wont bc everyones afraid of the truth and i know that and i realize that with great knowledge cums er comes great responsibility

[labyrynth]

ok i know that it might come off sometimes that i dislike nie huaisang but i do not!! i do quite like that little stinky bastard of a man!!

i just think it’s very important to acknowledge that he is, in fact, a member of the Bitches With Dubious Methods Club (the other members being wwx and jgy), and that his motivations, as compared to wwx and jgy, were entirely selfish.

and also that his scheme seems to have fucked over a LOT more people than it helped

dead directly bc huaisang started stirring shit up: mo xuanyu & mo family, qin su, jin guangyao, su she, many miscellaneous monks, possibly many more; unknown (honorable mention: meng shi’s soul, as we have no idea what huaisang did with her body)

otherwise screwed: lan xichen (lan sect to a lesser extent thanks to lan qiren, but lwj certainly isn’t helping), jin ling & jin sect, moling su, the collective jianghu in the absence of an incredibly competent powerhouse of a leader, the common folks when jgy’s watchtowers are inevitably decommissioned in an attempt to erase his legacy (honorable mention: nie huaisang, who personally got the guy more or less keeping his sect afloat killed)

helped: nmj’s soul (but also not really bc his ass is NOT resting) and…sisi? wwx indirectly, bc he’s Alive again, and now everyone blames jgy for shit wwx actually did do? so also lwj by extension i guess but nhs didn’t really give a shit about that. bicao got a nice bracelet out of it, i guess.

so yeah just to clarify, huaisang is a conniving little bitch (affectionate)

[chenfleur]

ΒLUΣ MΩΩΠ ☾

0.4 ☾ — untouchable

volleyball player!haechan x dancer!oc

summary. - in honour of the blue moon this year, the student parliament decided to hold a blue moon gala for the school. along with that, they created an activity. you pay $1.50 for either a lock or key. each lock and key have a pair with the opposite pendant (you would know if they were your partner if the key can unlock the lock). the person you pair with is your partner for the gala. mina thinks it’s fucking stupid. donghyuck, well—he’s always looking for some excitement in his life—but deep down he just wants someone who doesn’t like him for just his reputation.

taglist. - @oc-helps​ @jiheonie​ @philanarose @jiye0n0 @eommayaaaaaasehunnieee @softrenjunnie​ @mark3le // lemme know if you’d also like to be added!

a/n. - i am realizing how much actual writing there’s gonna be in this series😭 obviously it’s still gonna be socmed but yk there’s probably going to be a bit more actual writing in this au compared to other smaus by other ppl so uhhh sorry abt that?? but also not bc this is how i wanted it to go 😔 hopefully nobody minds it too much haha

𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒗𝒊𝒐𝒖𝒔. | 𝒏𝑒𝒙𝒕.

𝑏𝒍𝒖𝑒 𝒎𝒐𝒐𝒏 𝒎.𝒍𝑖𝒔𝒕

Mina whipped her head towards the sudden disruption, trying to see who it was.

Out of the changeroom doors came tumbling out two boys, a third one following behind them with his hands deep in his shorts pockets.

Mark let out an exasperated sigh, "Guys, stop! We have a guest!"

One of them turned towards the group and his eyes widened slightly, pushing the other off of him and getting up. He approached the three of them with a sly grin tugging at his lips.

"Woahhh, who's the chick?" he asked, looking the girl up and down. Renjun slapped him on the back, “shut the fuck up, Hyuck.” he spat.

By now, the entire team had come to see what the commotion was about. The pairs of eyes on her caused Mina to shift uncomfortably on her feet.

She took this time to get a good look at all of them, only having ever seen them on the court and occasionally around the school—and there were always a lot of people surrounding them during those brief moments.

Lee Jeno—god, Mina wouldn't be able to count the number of times she'd seen girls write his initials and draw tiny little hearts around them in their notebook with an infatuated look on their faces. She wondered how he was able to still be polite after having to constantly reject confessions—she would've snapped long ago if it were her.

Zhong Chenle and Park Jisung, the dynamic duo, Mina had heard. They were a year younger, yet they could play better than someone with years more of experience. Jisung was incredibly tall, looming over everyone else with a bored and stoic look on his face. Chenle, on the other hand, looked very happy-go-lucky, which was surprising.

But what surprised Mina the most was Na Jaemin.

God, was he intimidating.

He stood there with a stone-cold expression, not a single ounce of emotion could be seen along the lines of his terribly attractive face. He wasn't as tall as Jisung, yet his presence cast a shadow over her that sent chills down her spine.

Lee Donghyuck, the ringleader of their little group. The one everyone's been told to stay away from—yet they get pulled to him like a magnet. It's like a cocky smirk was permanently etched onto his face no matter the situation. His arrogance screamed dominance.

Frankly, Mina was terrified. She stared at the popular group of boys, who had built such a name for themselves, as they stood in front of her so casually.

Before, they seemed so... untouchable. This was just strange.

Chenle gasped. "Renjun hyung, you never told me you got a girlfriend!" he suddenly exclaimed, his look of shock turning into one of excitement.

Mina's eyes widened, turning her head to look at Renjun who looked equally as shocked.

"Wh- she's not my girlfriend!" He sputtered.

Mina shook her head, sucking air in through her teeth, "Catch me in my grave before I ever date this freak," she said in disgust, causing Renjun to roll his eyes.

Jeno snorted, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. "Alright then. And what's your name, Ms. Smartass?"

She clicked her tongue, "Park Mina."

"Park Mina..." Jisung suddenly said, his low tone startling the girl. "You're best friends with Yoo Celine, right?"

Mina slowly nodded her head, confused at the random question. "Yes...? Me and Renjun both are."

Jisung turned his head over to look at Jaemin, whose eyes at noticeably gone wider. They shared a look before Jisung turned back to the girl in front of him.

"Well, you see, Jaemin hyung has-"

Jaemin smacked Jisung on the back of his head, eliciting an 'ow what the fuck' from the boy.

Mina raised an eyebrow and looked between the two of them before turning away, just to be met with the face of Donghyuck.

His dark eyes bored into hers as they exchanged eye contact. Mina shuddered under his strangely piercing gaze.

Mark sighed and clapped his hands together. "Alright, no more wasting time. Come on, guys. Give me 5 laps around the court then we'll start scrims straight away." he said, heading towards the court.

Everyone complied wordlessly, following behind their captain. Mina looked at them one last time before walking up the steps of the bleachers.

[islandiis]

——— BASICS !

(PEN)NAME: nísa!

PRONOUNS: she/her (but they/them is also okay!!)

ZODIAC SIGN: taurus and listen I know sweet fuck all abt astrology but I do know I'm a pretty stereotypical taurus (stubborn as fuck, basically) and I projected so hard onto Fannar he is now more taurus than gemini <3

SINGLE / TAKEN: single!!

——— THREE FACTS !

I wear a necklace with the patron saint of travel on it pretty much 24/7! Travel is my #1 priority in life and everything I do revolves around travelling and adventure - my parents got me this necklace for my 5-year anniversary (with a lil thing from them inscribed) to keep me safe while I travel ��� I also wear my mum's wedding band, and a family ring from 1809!

I've been on the catwalk!! I couldn't wear my glasses but managed not to fall off the end of it LOL

I believe that positivity is the most important thing in life and I love making ppl smile. I run a positivity blog (though it's inactive right now bc I'm so busy) and just want good vibes 4 all :')

——— EXPERIENCE !

PLATFORMS USED: oh man... deviantart and tumblr were the big ones, tbh. I also RPed on facebook with a friend and discord too now!

HOW LONG? uhhhhh 8?? years? I think?

——— MUSE PREFERENCE !

GENDER: honestly I think I prefer male muses? I can't think of any female muses I've had. It's not intentional - just characters I like and want to write all happen to be male haha!

LEAST FAVOURITE FACE(S): honestly I don't do irl fcs. I find it really hard to transfer a 2d character to a realistic face and I'm never satisfied - I prefer just to draw and I used artbreeder to get a visual of Fannar!

MULTI OR SINGLE: single omg listen multimuses are god like in my eyes I could NEVER!!!

——— FLUFF / ANGST / SMUT ! ♡

FLUFF: yes oh my god... man... I love fluff. I love fluff so much. Even if it doesn't necessarily go anywhere and is just soft and sweet... I love that shit. yes.

ANGST: ALSO FAT YES OKAY AS MUCH AS I LOVE SOFT AND SWEET STUFF I ALSO LOVE BREAKING MY CHARACTERS LOLLL I think angst is so fun to write and so interesting and fun to work with. I love angst just as much as fluff but ofc I need a balance of both. And Fannar has a lot of sadness behind him bc Icelandic history was fucking brutal man. It was so harsh for so long. And I really want to reflect his history in him so :') yeah he gets angsted a lot LMAO

SMUT: okay so like tbh I have never written smut and I?? lack experience and confidence in it. I wouldn't be averse to trying but my writing partner would have to take the lead - I'm ace (although it's becoming more grey as time goes on!) so I have no experience to draw from lmao

PLOT / MEMES: honestly I'm a slut and a hoe for memes. I like a bit of freedom and seeing where things go - but I do also love plotting, the thing is, I'm... just not really very good at it LMAO I struggle to come up with plots, even in my art work, and so "plotting" is usually my partner coming up with ideas and me responding and I feel guilty for that but I just don't have ideas. Plots are super hard for me but I do love plotting as long as my partners don't mind me sort of. not contributing as much? :'D I do try, but plots are just one area of art/writing I've always failed in!

stolen from: all of u... 🌞

tagging: whoever wants to!!

[forgottenarthur]

arthur and guin as all-but twins!!!! omg i love it <33333 they're gonna break our hearts aren't they I WEEPPPP no but i adore it and i can totally see that!!! they've both had the responsibility of younger siblings, in their own ways, thrust upon their shoulders while also being the eldest and thus the first to fully grasp the position they're in as their various parents/stepparents pit them against each other, etc, so its really this unique niche they share, and i do think the 'big three' so to speak are also in a pr unique position, too, bc there's so much expectation on their shoulders abt the future -- even tho none of them truly want it, deep down, even if -- as in arthur's case -- they've managed to convince themselves that they actually ~do

her admitting she doesn't want it to arthur!!!!! i feel like that'd reinforce a lot of things for arthur, too, bc that'd also activate his protective brother side, like, he's not just becoming emperor to please they're dad, he's doing it to protect his sister from a life she doesn't want!!!! and, obv guin doesn't know who she supports for the crown, but i do think arthur would probs be like 'but its me, right?' bc he just wants someone to believe in him

honestly her being like 'stop trying to impress dad!! just do the job!!' would totally blow his mind lakjsdfkljsdjff arthur's whole way of looking at the world is soooo colored by his impressions of what his father wants/believes/approves that he sometimes has trouble even knowing what ~he truly thinks of things bc he's so caught up in tryna be his father's perfect little soldier, yknow? i do think that, while she's def 100% right hahaha what's kinda messed up is that arthur legit believes he's ~doing that on some level when all he's doing is just what she says: mucking up tryna realize the impossible so his dad might consider saying 'son im proud of you' even tho deep down even arthur knows that'll never happen tbqh

lsakjflksjfkljsdfjksdfa honestly ive been thinking abt it and i don't think arthur would ever ~actually kill his siblings if it came right down to it! like, if it was desperate and he was pressured enough etc he might plot it all out etc and maybe he'd be all ready to go but then it'd come down to the moment and he just...couldn't. even edmund. he might spend time resenting and hating and railing but ultimately he has a warm heart and he just wants love but he thinks he's unlovable

i actually think there was an incident in the astairan conquest where arthur took this town and was faced w a rebel witch who was stirring up the ppl inside the walls and, like, what his dad would've done is shut the gates and burn every single person in there as a lesson to the surrounding area etc, but instead arthur tried everything he could to reason w them and finally, instead of burning anyone, he beheaded the witch and any outright traitors but showed mercy to the local townsfolk whose only crime was believing in their ancient gods, and honestly i think that lost him a lot of points in his dad's book, and has arthur lowkey feeling like he's unworthy bc he feels like he should always do what his dad would do etc but deep down he knew it wasn't right and he couldn't just shut innocents inside and burn them all to death just bc there was a witch in there who was rebel rousing and they had a different faith system and yeah!! laksjdflkjsdf anyway idk how i got talking about that but yeah alksdjflkjsdf arthur isn't as callous or cruel as he wants to think he is sometimes

ughhh guin being terrified of ruling but willing to do it for the greater goooood!! bb girllll!!!! honestly, if she really wanted, arthur might someday be persuaded to help her fake her death and go off somewhere but honestly i don't think he's there yet bc their dad's goals are still paramount to him, and roderick def still wants her around, alas poor guin ughhh

honestly these two just being so simpatico and like ~getting it~ when they look into e/o's eyes is so powerful lajsfkjf and honestly i think arthur is there, too, and honestly deep down all he really wants is to just see everyone he loves happy but honestly their goals are all at such insane odds its nigh impossible and they'll never be happy and arghhhh babiesssss

OOC | Arthur & Guinevere

LAURENNNNN!!! IM SO EXCITED FOR THIS FAM KLAJSDJFSDJF ok so arthur adores his big sister!!!! no question!!!! he would literally kill or die for her if it came to that!!! but, at the same time, he's also devoting a frankly unreasonable amount of time to trying to destroy her chances of becoming empress in the hopes that ~he will become emperor, bc being ruler = being dad's favorite, right? and that's all he really wants is for their dad to love him which he doesn't think he does alkjsdfjkdsjf

however!!! he believes that society is sexist (le sigh) so he just ~assumes that she has less of a shot at ruling than he does bc she's a woman which alkjdfksdf yikes but anyway the upside is that he's less aggressive about tryna upstage her than he is about edmund, since edmund's male and she's obv not so alksjdfkjsdfj

anyway despite all of this he really is a devoted brother in his way he's just always in direct competition and its complicated alkdsjfkjldsf

[papers4me]

When Stories Changes Colors

Often authors start their stories based on certain themes & genres, then they later move away from some of them as the stories deepen & reach climax. So, once you reach the conclusion, the story has become something else entirely different from how it started.

That’s called story-telling. The longer you tell the story, the different it becomes. However, this change helps the story move away from the basic introduction of its characters, plot & world-building into the exploration of meaningful themes leading to the story’s vision. The overall vision is the reason why the story was essentially created. Doing that is not a necessity, but it sets complex stories apart from simple ones. It is very important that while you can change themes & even genres within your story, you need to effectively wrap things up in the conclusion. Not necessarily bringing back what you have long moved from, but holding the story together using the vision. This is the thing that can’t change. You started the story for a reason & this reason should conclude it. Themes & genres are tools you need to reach your destination.

For example: (with spoilers)

-Fruits Basket anime started as simple, basic, direct, short “lesson the day” episodes in season 1 & moved to exploring traumatic themes, character depth, ugly truths, & emotional turmoil in season 3. While Fruits Basket isnt the best example due to the anime’s favoring quick over-dramatic presentation of trauma over deep character depth & consistency of quality in season 3, the later still does the job of reaching the heart & conveying the message of “welcoming growth & accepting change”. Story-wise, there is no comparison between seasons 1 & 3. They look so different that it feels rewarding. Season 3 holds what fruits basket is in its core, a story abt accepting human weakness & moving on in life, leaving behind the small simple lessons of its early episodes.

-Attack on Titans is a an example succeeding brilliantly to change colors then failing miserably "tie” the colors in the final step. we can compare the first season to season 4 (firs part) & you’ll feel you’re watching/reading a different story! in a good way! the last good way. Now the final arc in the manga does a good job of ruining this as it attempts to return back to the beginning to story that has long moved from what it was initially. Calling back sth that has long been abandoned isn’t parallel, it’s contradiction & the plot will strat having holes bigger & bigger as the conclusion comes. AOT’s plot has become sth way bigger than a group of “ united avengers” can defeat to save the day & the story has become is too deep & complex to have one big giant baddie that must be defeated for peace. You can’t start simple, go complex as hell, then finish as simple as “snow white & the 7 dwarfs defeating the Evil Queen”. Isyama had the ending decided for so long as he claimed more than once, so what went wrong is the road reaching to it. If what we have in the final arc is the vision from the beginning, then the story should have been tailored to suit it. The story-telling reaching before the final arc is one of the most complicated, complex & deep plot exploration with various character depths (minus the protagonist or antagonist or whatever u wanna call him), but the final arc itself failed to contain all this with its basic one-sided battle & no color suited it, so it revered back to trying to parallel the beginning bringing back as much parallel as possible from every character & scene in its early stages.

-Game Of Thrones is an example of unnecessary intentional change of colors. Unlike the above examples, GOT started complex & complicated from the get go. You get introduced to tons characters thro their dialogue & interactions. The story’s themes & world-building involve magic, mystical world & politics. These three are the core of the story, moving away from them creates a story that is a kind to soap opera of repeated short dialogues & unnecessary drama. The show producers wanted to minimize the unique “magic “ aspect of the story to change its colors to appeal to the masses “like mothers & sport players” or sth. The problem is GOT’s color is what gained popularity & changed the masses view abt watching fantasy stories. For example, stories abt vampires & mermaid have their own audience & the majority of viewers won’t tune to watch them as they might deem them too “ fantasy”. But GOAT seasons 1 & 2 with the magic world gained immense flowing from viewers who normally skip such genres. These ppl have already accepted the “magic” of GOT as part of what the story is & were expecting to see a pay off in the final season. However the producers decisions to move away from “magic” meant killing off what was the build up from season 1. The White Walkers were destroyed with one stab thro a single character’s body. With one stab, you end what you sacrificed seasons, plots & characters to establish. The politics itself was simplified immensely as long built, established with foreshadowing political rivals simply “bent da knee due to love love”. Others wanted elephants & died under a brick. Villains who once were the core of the story with their complexity such as Tywin & little finger, or their madness such as Joffery & Ramsey were changed into whatever the show’s Euron Greyjoy was. a simple& basic villain with not much plot value.

So, good story-telling requires a well-established structure with thought off vision & an overall perspective of what the story needs to become from the beginning. Writing itself is a nonlinear process, so writers will either go above their own structure or under it, especially in stories that are published/aired while written. However, if the decisions is made to start publishing or airing before the whole process of writing is over, then there is bigger responsibility on the writing team to review each chapter/ episode while keeping in mind where it’s going & what’s expressing. Nothing is more disappointing than seeing a great written story loose its colors instead of just changing to new better colors or showcasing more hidden ones.

[ashtray-girl]

Hey! I know you don't have the answer to this, but what are some of your theories concerning Johnny's feelings towards Morrissey? When i listen/read Morrissey's solo work it seems that their relationship wasn't completely one-sided (in the other hand in the smiths it seems so). Also how Morrissey often gives hints in his songs (and even in that interview "why doesn’t anyone ever assume that Johnny Marr was in love with me?") that Johnny isn't/wasn't being true to himself. 1/2

Especially in the song (that wasn’t released)  “Born To Hang”  “I am born to hang but not to have kids and to never be wed, no to someone who I don't even love” like it seems so strange.  By the way i absolutely love this blog (especially your essays) you’re such a good analyst, keep going! 2/2

hey anon, thank you so much! i’m glad you enjoy my ramblings! :)

i’ll try to answer your question step by step (and as usual, keep in mind that these are all just theories and speculations... after all, i wasn’t even born when all of this stuff happened haha)

so, first of all: do i believe that Johnny could be gay/bi? personally... yes. i don’t know if you’ve ever read Johnny’s autobiography, Set The Boy Free... it came out a few years ago and there’s a passage in the 5th chapter which i’ve never seen anyone talk abt, but which i personally think it’s worth considering when talking abt Johnny’s stand on the lgbt community: “My friend Tony was a beautiful creature, another Bowie fan, with a blond Ziggy haircut, high cheekbones, and green eyes like a Siamese cat. [...] Tony was three years older than me and was the first guy I knew who was openly gay. [...] We were together a lot, and it got some people talking, which didn’t bother me at all - we had a lot of things in common, and plenty to talk about. [...] One Saturday afternoon [...] we were waiting at the bus stop when two big uglies came over and started making cooing noises and blowing kisses. I looked at Tony’s face as he continued talking to me, and I could see he was aware of the situation. ‘Eh,’ said one of the lads, ‘are you queers?’. They were obviously up for a fight. I readied myself for the inevitable as Tony continued to talk to me with his back to the goons and appeared to be ignoring their remarks until one pushed him in the back and said, ‘Eh, y’fuckin’ queer’. With that, Tony grabbed my head and kissed me on the lips for what seemed like a very, very long time, then spun around and attacked the biggest of the two with really hard punches to the face until the lad went to his knees. He then grabbed the other guy, who was backing off, punched him very hard in the face and threw him down into the road full of traffic. [...] As we ran towards the train station, Tony turned to me and said, ‘That was nice’ and then, laughing, he added, ‘Don’t worry, I won’t do it again.’

let’s keep in mind this was back in the 70s, Johnny was still a teenager growing up in a violently homophobic environment, and yet he makes a point of underlining the fact that ppl thinking he was gay bc he was hanging out with a gay bloke didn’t bother him in the slightest, even though he could’ve literally been beaten up for it. it’s true that he later met Angie, they got together and he never looked back, but i often wonder... if he had met Morrissey while he was still single, would things have panned out differently for them? if Morrissey’s romantic feelings towards Johnny had been mutual, would Johnny have had the courage to take their relationship any further? when reading Johnny’s interviews, i always get the feeling that he’s the kind of person who would rather show than tell. and, after leaving The Smiths, what does he do (among other things)? he collabs with The Pet Shop Boys, another band whose members have often been rumoured to be in a relationship with each other. and, a couple of years later, he co-writes and plays on Billy Bragg’s song Sexuality, with lyrics such as: “And just because you’re gay I won’t turn you away / If you stick around I’m sure that we can find some common ground.” it’s like... he never reveals anything specifically abt himself and his sexual orientation, but he uses the thing he’s most famous for (his guitar work) to leave enough breadcrumbs around to let ppl know exactly where he stands on the matter.

now... do i believe Morrissey was in love with Johnny? yes. obviously i will never be able to prove that 100%, but i feel like the clues are just too many to ignore.

however... do i believe that Johnny reciprocated Morrissey’s feelings? ... yes. kind of. i think that because they weren’t just friends but colleagues as well, most of their relationship was shrouded in ambiguity out of necessity. my theory is that Johnny knew of Morrissey’s feelings for him but that he may have underestimated them, thinking it was only a crush when actually for Moz it was much more than that, only realising the full extent of the situation when it was too late (after Morrissey allegedly phoned him to tell him he’d od’d on sleeping pills and confessed his love for him - which would also explain why, according to Bernard Sumner, he was feeling “traumatised” by him). this, combined with the fact that he was already in a relationship and that his drive and ambition made him prioritise the band and their music above everything else, may all have been contributing factors as to why he never felt like he could’ve explored, let alone embraced whatever he was feeling towards Morrissey, even if he wanted to.

[c0rpsedemon]

i am curious, as someone who’s only exposure to arthurania was reading jane yolen’s young merlin as a child, would you mind saying why hnoc is a bad adaptation? i’m super curious but no worries if not <3

this has been sitting in my inbox for months bc i kept telling myself i needed to write a full essay with proof from medieval lit to make myself feel smarter.  however, since i’ve recently lost all credibility bc i can’t articulate points to save my life, and since i’ve realized that i could answer this in a just a couple paragraphs, now seems like the right time to answer this ask. sorry for the wait.

under a cut bc length

also warnings for mentions of racism bc this is hnoc we're talking abt and sexual assault bc this is med lit we're also talking abt

the basic problems are pendragon polycule itself, the story beats of the album, the fridging and lack of characterization of morgan le fay, the clear influence of pop culture arthuriana, and whatever the fuck happened with gawain/e.

pendragon polycule is... just not a good take.  there’s a bit in the lancelot-grail abt arthur viewing lancelot like a son (and lancelot not giving a shit abt him).  also arthur knew his parents for years before lancelot was even born.  plus lancelot just Doesn’t care abt him and i can’t stress this part enough.  arthur repeatedly tries to have guinnevere killed, mostly in the lancelot-grail, and guinn didn’t really have any say in marrying him bc she was a teenager.  lancelot and guinnevere is a lot better but that’s not saying much.  guinn doesn’t exactly treat lancelot too well... like at all, BUT it’s not intrinsic to their relationship and is completely caused by medieval misogyny and i’m all in favor of modern retellings saying fuck that.  but also lancelot has multiple pseudo-canon boyfriends (this is med lit after all), and one pseudo-canon husband so like... there were better options.  (also lancelot’s husband is basically in a lavender marriage with guinnevere’s maybe girlfriend who most authors just eventually forget abt as the story progresses).

this next one is a problem with a lot of modern arthurian works bc the inclusion of elayne of astolat is too much to ask apparently.  the grail quest isn’t tied to the fall of camelot, it just happens to be one of the last grand adventures the knights of the round table have.  the event that traditionally sets off the fall is the death of the maiden of astolat/the lady of shalott/elayne of escolat/she has a lot of names, her story has a few variations but usually she either is cursed to stay in a tower and weave and only be able to see the outside world through a mirror positioned across from her window, until lancelot rides by and she rushes to see him out of the actual window and her mirror shatters, setting off her death, or she lives with her father and brothers and takes care of lancelot bc he was injured for a time and she gets to go on adventures to find him and she’s friends with gawaine and she dies bc lancelot rejects her and this version’s a lot more fun but also more happens which makes it harder to explain.  the way her story ends however, is that she dies after she makes arrangements for a glorious boat to drift from astolat to camelot carrying nothing but her dead body and a letter explaining that she died of love for lancelot du lac and the court mourns the death of such a beautiful and young maiden (her age varies a lot but i’ve always read her as a young teenager at most).  but the important thing is, camelot is doomed from the moment she washes up on its shore bc she’s an omen of the end and has symbolic meaning and all that, the maiden of astolat washes up on camelot’s shores, the court mourns the loss of a maiden in her prime and she marks the end of camelot’s prime as well, morgan le fay reappears after being presumed dead and warns arthur of guinnevere and lancelot’s affair, aggravaine and modred conspire to bring lancelot and guinnevere’s affair to light, they succeed but lancelot escapes, guinnevere is to be burnt at the stake and lancelot rescues her, killing aggravaine, gaheris and gareth (gawaine’s brothers) in the process, gawaine drags his uncle and camelot to war bc he was driven mad due to the loss of his brothers, lancelot accidentally kills gawaine, his best friend and maybe boyfriend (i have RECEIPTS), and gawaine forgives him on his detahbed while lancelot and guinn rejoin arthur, meanwhile modred, who practically had the throne handed to him, usurps and invites the saxons in, camlann happens, and camelot is destroyed.  no where in there is the grail quest.

morgan le fay is honestly the most questionable part of the album bc there’s not a single text where she dies.  like....  at least with eurydice in udad she died in the original... there’s no basis for morgan dying.  also she is NOT modred’s mother and anyone who tells you otherwise is a liar, she interacts with him once in the vulgate bc she had three of her nephews over and that’s IT.  it’s a horrible take which originated in the mists of avalon by marion zimmer bradley who is an honest to god monster for reasons i don’t want to trigger tag this post for.  also she’s one of the most dynamic and thought-out characters in the entire canon and they just made her a watered down morgause (modred’s actual mother, morgan’s sister, canonical milf)... there was no reason for it to be her apart from the fact that she’s more well known......

pop culture arthuriana is,,, one of my least favorite things.  no, morgan wasn’t modred’s mother, no, morgause wasn’t abusive but her husband sure was implied to be, no, aggravaine didn’t kill his mother, that was gaheris, he loved his mother, you’re only saying that bc he has a reputation as the “evil” orkney, no, the once and future king is not a good descriptor for arthur, stop making me read it, no, morgause wasn’t the one to initiate the thing with arthur resulting in modred, no, lancelot and arthur weren’t friends, no, tristan wasn’t a self-centered asshole, tennyson is a fucking liar, no, galahad didn’t have sex or want to, he’s one of the first ever explicitly asexual characters out there, no, galahad’s conception was NOT consensual, lancelot was tricked, and no, elayne of astolat wasn’t galahad’s mother, she’s implied to be younger than him.  those are just the big glaring ones, but i swear it’s bc of arthuriana’s reputation as a mythology and the connotations belonging to that word (no one true canon (which is true but there are still things that just AREN’T canon, not completely written down, passed by oral tradition) that causes ppl to see mediocre modern texts and go “oh. well this is abt as close to the original as i’m going to get” and don’t bother to look into so much as malory (who i only name bc he’s one of the most well known medieval authors with the most commonly used storylines, don’t read malory kids, he’s a mediocre-at-best writer even by medieval standards).  the big perpetrators of modern arthurian tropes are the books the once and future king by th wh*te, who is a shitty person and lets it bleed into his writing (which isn’t like... nice to read or anything, seriously why do ppl love this book so much it doesn’t have redeeming qualities), and the mists of avalon by marion zimmer bradley (it’s poorly written, the story is a mess, and mzb is honestly a monster and one google search will tell you that), and unfortunately the writings of tennyson, which are mostly good but he clearly didn’t read the povest (a later text that’s also my favorite, known for significantly improving ppl’s opinions on tristan, isolde and co.) before deciding he hated both tristan and isolde and he has HORRIBLE takes on them.  high noon over camelot is SEEPED in pop culture arthuriana and i think it would have been so much better if the band had read so much as a SUMMARY of the events of le morte.  it’s evident in the song “the once and future king” bc it’s,,,, literally named after one of the worst books in existence.  it’s shown in the morgan le fay thing, and it’s shown in the pendragon polycule thing.  and hell, i think you can even explain away the lack of elayne of astolat with pop culture arthuriana, bc ppl have had bad takes on her ever since th wh*te combined her character with that of ela*ne of corbenic, and the band probably went “huh, let’s write lancelot’s abuser out of this” and they would’ve been right to do so if that’s who elayne of astolat was.

the final big issue is gawaine, the closest thing the genre has to a protagonist, he’s pretty much canon bi and, in some texts, arospec, he’s a dashing knight of great reknown and he derails every romance to steal hearts, commit murder, and make out with every knight and lady mentioned.  and in hnoc he’s... racist.  that’s it.  it’s,,, almost completely unfounded by the arthurian canon and shows a major misunderstanding of his motivations (like i said earlier, he wants to avenge his brothers bc there’s a reoccuring motif of how much the orkneys value family).  i say almost bc in one text it’s his motivations for killing palomydes but i’ve never heard it mentioned by name bc that’s just what it’s known for.  most arthuriana fans just look away from it except when critiquing hnoc but that one text is an outlier, shouldn’t be counted, and i highly doubt the mechs made hnoc gawain how he is bc they found this text.  it’s just a bad text.

hnoc has,,, quite a few more minor issues, such as villainized ladies of the lake (their ONLY crimes were sealing away merlin bc he tried to assault teenage nimue/ninniane (proto-nimue/vivianne from the vulgate), and that one time vivviane/ninniane kidnapped adopted baby lancelot), assigning brain to merlin (y’know,,, the predator who helped arrange the [redacted] of arthur’s mother and tried to assault a teenager,,,) although merlin is portrayed in a positive light throughout modern arthuriana so i don’t think they knew, giving a song to pellinore, who my perception of has been forever altered bc i was introduced to him through malory and the explanation of torre’s conception, which you can just look up “sir torre arthurian” to find out abt if you can’t just Guess, if they wanted a song abt the questing beast palomydes was Right There AND has been associated with the questing beast for longer, but once again i don’t think they knew.

also namedropping a bunch of knights in the fiction is... it Suggests a bigger world full of all these other stories but they just don’t work bc the world of hnoc wasn’t designed in a way where the appearance of half these characters would make sense.  like,, tristan is referenced as dying in the grail quest in the same sentence as bedevere (one of the characters who is known for almost always surviving), but tristan Isn’t one of the knights who dies on the grail quest, his possible deaths (ignoring the potentially happy ending of the povest for a second) are either being murdered by his uncle, king mark (bc mark married tristan’s gf to try and get tristan killed and also to spite him), bc he was driven into a fury bc of tristan and isolde’s affair, or he’s injured and only isolde (the best healer in the world) can save him so he sends for her and if the ship he sent for her is supposed to fly white sails if she’s there, or black sails if she’s not, and the ship flies white sails but his wife (also named isolde) says it’s black sails (the why depends but usually comes down to jealousy), and so he gives up bc he thinks all hope is lost and usually succumbs to his injuries, either way isolde dies of a broken heart over his body.  there’s no way for the tristan and isolde story to play out like it’s supposed to in the world of hnoc, just as there’s no way for any story with gawaine (and Oh Boy are there a lot of stories with gawaine) or pretty much anyone else, without severely altering the canon.

of course, there are still parts of hnoc i like a lot, most of the music i adore and i just like the idea of space cowboys and the secret good hnoc that lives in my head.  and it has one of my favorite characterizations of galahad, even though galahad hnoc is nothing like galahad arthuriana.  it’s not GOOD but i like it and it’s fun to turn my brain off too, and i’ll always value it as my introduction to arthuriana.

also there are modern arthurian tropes i do like such as characters being genre-savvy/knowing they’re fictional/knowing they’ve done this before (which hnoc does wonderfully!) and bedevere-as-the-storyteller (everyone say thank you lord tennyson).

WOW that was longer than expected, i feel very passionately abt this, when i was planning to write a fully sourced essay i meant to include a bit at the bottom with recommendations to get into better arthuriana and i think i’ll keep that in this post.

if you like hnoc for the arthurian music i’d like to suggest heather dale’s arthurian music to you, she does occasionally fall into the trap of modern arthuriana (some parts of lancelot and arthur being close, morgan as modred’s mother), sometimes she’s just wrong (galahad at lancelot’s trial, a lot of tristan and isolde), and her stuff is kinda straightwashed sometimes (sir gawain and the green knight, for example) but i’d be lying if it wasn’t catchy, and it’s not quite as bad as hnoc adaptation-wise.  culwch and olwen is pretty accurate (albeit abridged bc culwch and olwen has SO many tangents), as is lily maid (it’s abt elayne of astolat!).

if you liked hnoc for king arthur... in space! then may i recommend to you my own fanfic? it's not posted yet but the second i finish writing the first chapter i'm going to make a Big Deal out of it that'll be impossible to miss!

if you want to learn abt arthuriana through tumblr-osmosis like i did at first, i’d like to recommend the love of my life @acegalahads, first and foremost (it’s me on a sideblog i’m just obsessed with myself), and i can’t recommend my arthuriana mutuals over there, @/gringolet, @/merlinenthusiast, @/jcbookworm, @/elayneofshalott, and @/elaineofascolat (the elayne urls have been popular recently), also i know for a fact that my mutual-in-law, @/itonje makes great arthuriana posts that i look forwards to whenever i open the tag.

here are a few good reference posts, a quick guide to the characters, a guide to characters of color, and a much more comprehensive intro to arthuriana post with even more texts linked to it.

if you want to ease into med lit, i’d like to introduce you to pre-raphaelite poetry, alfred lord tennyson and william morris are my favorites, although tennyson can’t be trusted with tristan and isolde.  the poem the lady of shalott is basically a rite of passage for arthuriana fans, although when it comes to tennyson’s writings abt elayne of astolat, i prefer lancelot and elaine, which is part of his much larger story, idylls of the king.  for morris, don’t trust what he says abt aggravaine killing his mother, but my favorites of his are sir galahad, a christmas mystery, which sounds like a shitty disney sequel, and palomyde’s quest, which i blame for my love of palomydes (that and the one bit of the povest where he asks tristan to be his greatest enemy and that he wants nothing more, gay ppl,,,,).

if you want to read abt lancelot and his husband, there’s the lancelot-grail cycle, which i believe was taken off of archive dot org and i think i found it on @/tobeisexhausting’s blog but don’t quote me on that.

the povest, which was a religious experience for me and i can’t reccomend enough if you want to like tristan and isolde, is here, i don’t know who scanned it but i think i found it on @/lanzelet’s blog

the dutch texts are just good in general, here’s a link to their section of a(n unfinished) site for hosting various texts by my former mutual @/reynier (who’s no longer on tumblr).  i’d like to recommend lancelot and the white hart specifically bc it’s mainly just just gawaine being gay for lancelot.

if you want older works, here’s my scan of the history of the kings of britain, and here’s culwch and olwen and pa gur.

oh wow this is even longer than i thought it would be so i’m going to wrap this up by saying that i always love to talk abt arthuriana more than anything if you have any questions or just are curious!

[smalltragedy]

* justice smith, demi man + he/they | you know gabriel de leon, right? they’re twenty three, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, six years? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to 1984 (infinite jest) by the used like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole waking up in a body as heavy as the dead, emotions always on the verge of spilling over - you laugh before the punch lands, the belief that every encounter you have will be the last thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is october 31st, so they’re a scorpio, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( james, 21, est, they/them )

hi im just reposting gabe’s intro bc its been a very long time n im starting a little fresh hehe. yes i do regret the text color bt im not going back.

VIOLENCE TW

mini playlist.

ghosting ;; mother mother / roam the room ;; citizen / art of doubt ;; metric / thnks fr th mmrs ;; fall out boy / heart in a cage ;; the strokes / where is my mind? ;; the pixies / flowers grow out of my grave ;; dead man’s bones / 1984 (infinite jest) ;; the used / blister in the sun ;; the violent femmes.

statistics.

full name: gabriel de leon.

nickname(s): gabe.

birthday: october 31st, 1997.

zodiac: scorpio sun, scorpio moon, gemini ascending.

label: the icarian.

hometown: belleville, new jersey.

sexuality: bisexual (masc-leaning).

pinterest.

biography.

it’s only rly ever been gabe n his mom n the little new jersey suburbs that r always the same no matter where they go. they dn’t speak abt fathers or brothers or spain or anywhere other than the now, and how its constantly changing bt oddly the same.

his mom’s name is sonia n we love her. she worked a lot as a single mom n p much hs done everything on her own ever since leaving spain.

they dn’t talk abt spain bt we cn talk abt spain n hw sonia hd grown up partially there n partially in the states n hw she’d originally planned to live there forever bt the man she’d fallen in love with ws involved in some. high class dangerous shit n it ws safer fr them to part even if tht involved leaving everything she knew n loved <3

bt its like. ok. bc she hd gabe <3 n they dnt talk abt it so it practically nvr happened. n she tries her best as a mom n usually tht is enough.

they moved around a lot just bc sonia is a very. flighty person. anxious bt nvr seems tht way is just always. tense. gabe didnt think she ws capable of relaxing fr. a rly long time.

she wld commute 2 nyc every morning n after school gabe wld climb onto the train n by the time he got 2 her place of work she’d be just getting off n they’d get a slice of pizza n sometimes they’d go somewhere like central park or coney island (just fr the novelty) bt most of the time they just got back on the train home w/ gabe either doing homework or napping on her shoulder.

when gabe got a little older he’d sometimes skip school n take the train after sonia had already gone so he cld spend the day in nyc. he liked learning bt didnt rly like school. he nvr properly fit in bc of the amt of times they’d move so it felt like nowhere ws. right fr him.

got rly involved in. the punk scene as a young unsupervised teenager n tht led 2 a lot of like. shitty stick n pokes bt also a love of. very loud angry music n a sense of justice tht he held tightly in his fists. got mouthy towards bullies whether at school or in the scenes he involved himself in n started getting into a lot of fights bc of it.

during this, sonia ended up dating n marrying gabe’s stepdad who he calls craig sometimes bt i dnt think thats his name i wont lie to u guys. its partially a joke n partially purposeful disrespect bc gabriel does not trust a single man bt like. man. ‘craig’ is just an accountant. he’s fine he’s a good dude. they once bonded over like. the mets.

violence tw // anyways. when gabriel ws 16 he got into a super super bad fight tht ended rly. terribly n like listen. nobody died bt it ws just. it got blown up very out of proportion n gabe might’ve gotten expelled even tho he wsnt even the one who started it bt thts okay. ‘craig’, or paul, suggested tht maybe. a change of scenery wld b good fr gabe n b4 they knew it they were. moving to paul-robert’s hometown of irving, north carolina. violence end of tw //

he wld’ve complained more bt. fr sonia’s sake gabe kept it 2 himself. it made her happy 2 see them all get along anyways n like. idk he cld put forth tht little effort <3

bt honestly like. he didnt rly get into too many fights once they moved down here n even tho sometimes he ws like. ommgg. i hate this town .. its so washed up .. he still made friends n like. the only thing tht changed ws tht it ws a lil harder fr him 2 acquire illegal substances.

anyways. currently he hs a tattoo apprenticeship n is a professional piercer n like. he plays guitar n writes songs bt thts more of a hobby rn than anything else. mostly focused on paying his rent at port apartments bc as much as he. loves his mom he does not want 2 live with her forever <3 n thts okay!

personality & facts.

overall xtremely passionate person like god. feels emotions so intensely. every time he opens his mouth n talks abt an interest of theirs its just very like. u listen n ur like oh. gained 2 inspiration. thanks.

clings onto his friends p tightly bc he like. nvr rly stayed in one place fr super super long in new jersey so he nvr made very long term friends n now hes like. very clingy HLKDSHLKFSHLKDG also hates to b alone. subtle desperation behind interactions with ppl he rly wld like to be friends with.

like dnt get me wrong hes gotten into. sm fights bt thts mostly bc he cannot keep his mouth shut n he also cnt stand douchebags he like. always wants to tear them down prob bc he ws a victim of bullying. n u know what. we support him. otherwise he loves ppl bt esp if they hv similar interests 2 him.

like golden retriever who bites kind of. intensely loyal but at the same time is very skeptical. things tht good things do not last very long even though they’ve been doing already fr the last few years.

also bit of a nerd. they were nvr rly a big fan of school bt theres smth abt a good superhero comic tht draws their attention more than like. any english class evr. bt seven soldiers of victory? classic. big dc fan.

uh. very into like. hardcore music. hardcore rock. punk. if its loud n angry they r into it like so so much. hs sm tattoos is like. super covered in them its partially bc they work at a tattoo shop n partially bc they do not know hw to manage their money well.

ooohh u know what theyre. kinda moody i wont lie to u. very defensive like they dnt evr wna talk abt their past. has experienced Things n they do not wish to discuss them. will usually like. deflect frm conversations he doesnt wna hv.

in tune with nature. loves fkn taking walks. hangs out in the woods by abernathy creek n lilac ridge bc nobody rly goes there n its just. nice

tries not 2 take anything super seriously 2 the point where when he does take smth seriously its a little scary bc theyre super intense abt it. forcibly optimistic even tho on the inside he feels like a total pessimist. lots of. deep down insecurities tht he projects by attaching himself p firmly onto others. >.>

so so so energetic. can never stay still. always hs to be moving around. restless like tht. probably got it frm his mom. overly protective over the ppl he loves. probably got it frm his mom as well.

goes onto Tangents bt also divert frm those tangents n is generally all over the place.

always cold n always looks tired n like he hsnt slept in a thousand years n u know what. sometimes he just does not sleep.

oooohh theyre a vegan. totally into animal rights. devious little demi man beyond that .. loves horror n the paranormal n believes in like. every cryptic. will debate u on it.

erm not. the kindest 2 themself theyre a bit self destructive. impulsive. drives very fast n parties super hard. said i will hv my effy stonem moment. u dont hv to gabe.

bt ya! luvs oranges n reds n is maybe a short king. hs an eyebrow piercing n like. a lip ring i wont fk around here he IS living his best emo life in 2021. a little outdated on the trends bt thats okay. probably will tell u hes frm new jersey. its a personality trait. smokes the shittiest cigarettes ever.

wanted plots.

just ghosting along ,, dnt even exist 2 me ,, ;; god. firstly just the vast amt of ppl tht gabe hs like. spoken to romantically n then dropped suddenly. n then maybe like. one tht actually Hurt bt they cnt avoid each other bt theyre actively pretending each other doesnt exist n its. hurtful bc it ws like. actually smth nice bt <3 ykno FKLFSDHG

hey hey heyy c’maahn i’m just a little guy ;; n this is the vast amt of ppl tht gabe hs probably. pissed off n hs either fought or been on the verge of fighting just. unable 2 resist a good bicker-turned-duel.

just blistering in the sun ;; they cld b close friends bt also they cld also not b bt just ppl who. indulge in bad impulsive decisions with gabe. general bad influences on each other’s health n just. no good! party hard bt at what cost.

n also ;; like ... rly solid good friendships ... flings n maybe an exe or two tht either ended on good terms or just. horrendous, ppl they’ve distanced frm, ppl also frm up north, piercing customers, bt not tattoo customers bc im p sure they’d get fired if they were just tattoo’ing ppl willy nilly, etc.