#posting this from beyond the grave etc

[queerweewoo]

you just know buck took a mental photo of eddie with this hair and... well. #spankbank

[scribeofmorpheus]

Dragon Age Veilguard: Love, Wisdom and Pride

A very long Dragon Age post!

Warnings for: Veilguard Spoilers, Solavellan spoilers.

Okay, so I will preface this by saying that this ‘analysis’ primarily focuses on Solas’ arc; both romanced and unromanced. It isn’t intended to be a romanticised analysis, though it is very much enamoured with how a romanced Solas and his relationship with Lavellan foils (and informs my reading/reception of) that of Solas and Mythal’s relationship in Veilguard. There is a relationship I will address that I feel does parallel Solas and Mythal! Scroll down to “Reading Between the Lines” if you wanna skip my little intro below. Spoilers follow.

Truth be told, I wasn’t ever expecting much in terms of actually getting a sequel to Inquisition. The game dev market went through a tumultuous reshuffle before the remake madness breathed life back into many studios. Bioware game sequels (Mass Effect Andromeda) were underwhelming and not as fleshed out since the EA acquisition. I absolutely believe Bioware would have been shunted had Mass Effect Legendary Edition not been so successful. EA’s reputation was always lacklustre and underhanded, but laying off or losing several head writers attached to Bioware with almost two decades of work under their belts was the biggest red flag. Trevor Morris not being asked to return in exchange for a ‘bigger name’ was also a grave warning that returning to the atmosphere, ambience and world of Thedas that we knew was getting further and further away from a plausible reality. And on top of that, there’s the fact Solas was never intended as a romance interest during early development of Inquisition.

Solavellan seemed doomed!

Despite this, I still held out hope for a sequel, but I feared we’d always be in permanent Solavellan/developmental hell. Heck, I’m still waiting for a Beyond Good and Evil sequel—the game released in 2003! So, actually witnessing people play Veilguard, seeing reactions to it, seeing memes and gifs and essay pieces (like this one), it’s like my community has awoken again, and I never thought I’d see the day. Yet I am not blind to the fact we were robbed of so much potential. I knew thing’s wouldn’t live up to re-emerging expectations when Dragon Age: Dreadwolf was rebranded to Veilguard—the shift seemed to imply less of a primary focus on Solas (and apparently, according to the artbook, the early concept art proves this implication correct).

Things seemed even more dire when the devs revealed there was no tapestry mechanic. I had only one hope: that with the Inquisitor’s confirmed return, we’d get at least some form of catharsis for our Inquisitors (Lavellans and otherwise), if we couldn’t get the conclusions to so many storylines present in each of our worldstates. My main fear was that they’d go the clichéd Ultimate Sacrifice route (which happens anyway, but in a way that makes thematic sense given the stakes and heavily blighted worldstate).

Suffice it to say, there was a lot of evidence that Veilguard would disappoint me in the end. But it hasn’t. It hasn’t lived up to the many expectations and marks of excellence that the Dragon Age world built itself into with the first three entries, that’s for sure, but I am also just so deprived of conclusions, of endings (whether it be because TV doesn’t exist in a sustainable format anymore or that comicbook movies are made with a sequel in mind, never letting anything just “Exit Stage Left” gracefully; or the fact we live in a regurgitating content cycle with late-stage-capitalism where anything remotely profitable gets turned into a caricature of itself: Squid Game, Star Wars, etc.). The cycle is so exhaustive that I am actually at a point where I can say I am content with the ending we were given (on a Solas/Solavellan front), Veilguard gave me relief, and beautiful, achy pain to boot. Though I would absolutely be disappointed by both the "non-romanced Solas" endings, given that Solas winds up either "dying alone, forever" or turns to Tyranny.

Now onto the actual review of that Solavellan ending, Mythal and themes of Love!

Note: I have only gotten the ‘best’ ending in my first playthrough, but I also thought the consequences of not maxing factions would be more… dire? Another note, pls, if your romanced Inky swore to stop Solas, how does that ending differ, if at all? Let me know, I’m dying here!

Sidenote: I’m working on writing another review about my views on the ‘sanitised’ worldstate, the new companions (and why I think Varric was the wrong choice to have as an advisor in the game, given that the Inquisitor or Morrigan would have been more impactful; and not to mention that Cole or Briala should have been companions), removal of the tapestry and what it means for the future of stories in Thedas (The Story We Lost is such a poignant compilation of the sheer volumes of lost lore and depth that I honestly think I won’t go as in-depth on that review as this one), and why I think Veilguard is my final entry into Dragon Age.

Reading Between the Lines: What Pride Hath Wrought

One thing is for sure, Trick Weekes flourishes when writing within the ambiguities and complexities of meaning. This makes every word uttered by Solas so great to dissect, he's a god of lies not because he 'lies' but because he's so careful with how he phrases things, what he holds back, and what he reveals.

For instance, the famous Trespasser exchange where Solas mocks his own follies with sarcasm by saying:

“What is the old Dalish curse? May the Dread Wolf Take you.”

Then a softer, more saddened and beaten-down Lavellan replies:

“And so he did.”

This irks him. Because he then realises in that moment that he absolutely did take advantage, but for some reason he frames it around sex rather than power because that’s easier to address than the latter. And he rejects the notion, even though he brought up the expression he knows to mean nothing close to a sexual inuendo for being ‘taken’, and yet he has the gall to try and derail the conversation by pivoting and saying:

“I would not lay with you under false pretences.”

When I first had this dialogue exchange, I was baffled, because did this mean that there was another meaning to ‘Dread Wolf take you’ that Dalish clans lost through the years, or was it more of a self-deprecating joke Solas had with himself because he, the Dread Wolf, romanced (took) a Dalish Inquisitor (away from her people’s beliefs, histories, past), and he found irony in the saying?

On the surface, “wouldn’t lay with you under false pretences” could simply mean “we didn’t sleep together” or “we did sleep together, but I wasn’t taking advantage as the Dread Wolf, I was simply Solas in your presence”. But I have recently thought of a more… ambiguous reading.  Lay could have been used in a milder, more vulnerable way; to mean to be at peace, to be completely vulnerable, as if to sleep. In that sense, the phrasing becomes: “I could not be at peace with you because I was living a half-truth”.

I absolutely think the moment he feels he is truly beyond hope is when we see his expression of abject horror as Lavellan shouts: “I would have had you trust me!”. He realises then that he did fuck up, he did take the choice away from her because he thought he knew better, him and his pride led to a decision that hurt someone close to him, and he could finally see how wrong he was, how alike the entire situation became to Mythal’s treatment of him. Especially if Lavellan asks to go with him. Because he can see that despite the hurt, the lies and the betrayal on his part, Lavellan still wishing to join him draws too close to his first regret: following Mythal.

Whether he likes it or not, Solas’ love which could burn like a bonfire was directed at a powerful woman—a Herald, an Inquisitor—and inspite of her greatness of character, it still shaped her into someone willing to follow him on his dinanshiral out of love, much like he left the Fade and took physical form for Mythal. So now whenever I hear Lavellan shout “Var lath vir suledin”, Solas replying with “I wish it could, Vhenan,” changes drastically with the Mythal reveal, knowing he always walks away from the Inquisitor in Trespasser.

“I wish it could, Vhenan” sounds heavily like: “You would regret me, as I regret Mythal, and I cannot bear for that to happen us.” More poetically, it could read as: “I wish our love could overcome a duty that has lasted an incomprehensible amount of time, I wish I could change my nature, but then I’d be twisted into a demon, like the spirit of Wisdom in the Dales; and yet again, I would become your regret.” These two readings are very, very romantic. Realistically, given what we know of his kinship with Felassan, and how they were comrades and friends for centuries (“A story unfinished. His back turned!”), and given what we know of the complexity of Mythal’s will that presides over the creation of his very being, and yet he was still able to muster the strength to kill a fragment of her to fulfil his mission,  “I wish it could” was most probably a lament: “Do not ask me to hurt one of the two women I’ve loved on this journey, because if it ever came to it…” he would.

Knowing what I know of Solas, of how he was able to convince himself that Varric’s death (avoidable as it was) was just another necessary step, that it was just another sacrifice, another loss that would be worth something only if he completed his ritual, I have no doubt that Solas would also be able to rationalise hurting Lavellan (which is why in his mind, turning away from her, breaking her heart, leaving with no explanation and aiding her in Trespasser so she could live whatever few years remained in “relative peace” is actually an act of preserving that love). I partially think the reason he reveals the truth in Trespasser (especially for a romanced Lavellan) is in the hopes his ‘truths’ will push her away. But on a deeper note, I think he also thinks of it as some twisted form of repaying her for loving him to the point that he could have almost forgotten what it was to be the Dread Wolf, to just be with her as Solas, that night at Crestwood. Maybe his harsh truths would push her to the point where she’d give up her love for Solas, now that she knew he was the Dread Wolf, freeing her from the shackles of their love. He’s very self-flagellating, all about self-sacrifice for the ultimate goal, the ends always justify the means, he will endure any pain and punishment as long as Arlathan returns in the end.

What is his love of a mortal compared to the despair and loss of an entire empire? Solas views himself as selfish for falling for her, and that nearly broke him, if he was selfish enough to leave the dream of Arlathan behind for her, what would that do to his spirit then?

In his way of thinking, perhaps telling the Inquisitor the truth is a way out, a rationale they can use to justify stopping him or to make it easier to hate him as the Dread Wolf rather than love him as Solas (someone he hasn’t been in so long).

‘Masking’ as the Dread Wolf

During Trespasser, the Inquisitor has every right to despise Solas after all they’ve learned, and I think he half reveals the truth as a tactic so the Inquisitor can have an excuse to hate him, to be driven to anger and have less pull over his choices, once they learn the truth. Solas is particularly skilled at making other’s play the role that makes his own choices seem inevitable, he orchestrates a lot of events to play out in a manner where it's easier for him to talk himself into bringing down the veil.

He goads Elgar’nan to anger easily. He inspires the spirits to fight for him to the death as a necessary distraction during the war. He absolutely allows the Inquisitor to speak to him one last time so he can offer insight, yes, but also so he can easily frame his actions as just and inevitable. But, Oh boy does he get in for a shock if the Inquisitor shows empathy towards him, it scares him because he’s become accustomed to being seen only as the Dread Wolf. To be understood? That gives way to remorse. And remorse gives way to doubt. And he cannot doubt his purpose, twisted as it is, it is all he has left of his former self. Without it he would most likely change into something different. Someone he doesn’t recognise.

This fear intensifies more so if a romanced Lavellan asks to go with him, and in that case, he takes command and distances himself away (rejecting the help of someone close to him; the chance for a possible betrayal; the chance at another Felassan or Mythal [x]; the chance to twist Lavellan outside of her purpose, in this case, the purpose would be love/empathy) but not without showing remorse at having sacrificed yet another relationship for his crusade.

“Ir abelas.”

Sorrow for what cannot be is at the heart of why the Solavellan romance is so powerful, especially because even though both Solas and Lavellan love each other passionately, love alone cannot be enough when faced with regrets. Love would ultimately be stifled. Corrupted into something else over time. And so, for Solas, having loved and lost tragically is better than having loved and corrupted.

He will not do to Lavellan what was done to him, even if it is her choice, because she knows so little, her naivete cannot close the distance of a millenia’s old sea, and it would hurt him immensely to take advantage of her kind heart [x].

By leaving, he keeps her heart pure. And the yearning! Knowing the love is there, but on its own it cannot be invulnerable to corruption, so it is better to lose it than twist it. Ugh! Him leaving Lavellan is the ultimate show of love! IT IS A WISE DECISION. A rare glimpse into pure wisdom. Which is why he kneels beside Lavellan in Trespasser, he does not “Stand Tall” in the face of Wisdom’s heart. He kneels beside her. And when he stands tall again, he is Solas once more, filled with regret, and once through the eluvian, he returns to masking as the Dread Wolf.

Sidenote: It’s especially confounding that Veilguard allows Rook to push the Inquisitor to save or stop him after you’ve reached act 2 despite your world state choice (I think this was done in case they feared the Inquisitor wouldn’t stand by Solas after everything he was revealed to be responsible for in Veilguard, however it doesn’t work because the Inquisitor wasn’t an advisor, Rook never told them what they learned from the wolf statues, so having a stranger hold the ability to make Lavellan keep her promise or not rings hollow). Personally, I wish the Inquisitor’s presence had more weight in the non-Solavellan endings, too. I wish the Inquisitor could end up being the last friend/former love that Solas destroys (if you don’t collect the wolf statues) which then prompts Rook to fight him because Solas’ last tie to empathy failed to redeem him, that the Inquisitor falling is the last straw and Solas snaps, choosing to be a villain in the hopes of being stopped because he can’t stop himself, and not the ‘I am a God’ ending they gave us. Same for if your Inquisitor vows to stop him. I also wish the Inquisitor was the one to do the wolf statue missions. Would have been a nice secondary protagonist mission like the switching perspectives between Kratos and Atreus in GOW: Ragnarök (the old guard and the new; Inquisitor and Rook). I would have loved if they dedicated more dialogue to Inquisition days too, which is why I think Cole should have been a companion (if he wasn’t recruited, he could simply be a compassion spirit that ‘follows’ the greatest pain in the Fade that yearns to be healed, giving a compassionate viewpoint to Solas’ folly; recruited Spirit Cole could have a greater connection to Solas than even Varric, seeing as Cole was most likely a literal representation of Solas rewriting his own history by preventing a spirit from becoming too ‘real’; Human Cole would have a deeper connection to the world of Thedas, and could have been a great tool to prove how change was inevitable, not always a bad thing, and inevitably out of even Solas’ control. But alas, we live with what we are given! Even Imshael could have served in this role! Spirit/Demon of choice and it wasn’t incorporated into the game that supposedly asks you to make the greatest world-changing choice ever; redeem the Dread Wolf or end the age of the Evanuris entirely?!

Now onto the next segment: I want to talk about Solas’ regrets and how I read the ‘love story’ between Solas and Mythal, and why Lavellan (and what she represented) wasn’t enough to get through to him (and that’s a very believable thing, that’s what makes their love both tragic and epic!).

The High Price of Redemption

A romanced Lavellan has the most agency to see through his guises, if she resolves to save him, but even she cannot undo the shackles that still bind him to Mythal—the binds that twisted Wisdom so far from its purpose it became Pride, even when he burned (Mythal) from his face. (Likewise, A close friend Inquisitor who promises to save him is most likely a parallel to Felassan, again, they cannot undo the shackles of regret either.) I fully believe the vallaslin had a deeper magic than simply marking one as being committed/devoted to an Evanuris, I think it linked them magically, and since Solas was the first to burn the vallaslin away, he probably wasn’t as good at severing the link on himself as he was for other elvhen, so maybe a part of Mythal’s will still lingers in him, twisting him to Pride still.

In Veilguard’s final confrontation, I love the intention of showing how Lavellan approaches Solas slowly, as she doesn’t know who she’ll be faced with up those steps, Dread Wolf or Solas. But when she speaks to him, trying to get him to change his mind yet again, forgiving him for his wrongs, we are reassured that Wisdom hasn’t been completely consumed by Pride despite everything we’ve witnessed in the game because he bows his head at her in reverence as he apologises.

He shows humility towards her. He elevates her and her enduring love as worthy of his respect, but he does not consider himself worthy of hers. Thus, Lavellan pries open the door to acceptance but his heart is still not enough. Which is why love alone cannot turn the tide. He’s too broken to accept it. He doesn’t think he deserves it, so the only way out is through; to continue the ritual, to prove he was right. The shackles persist. Varric’s death weighs on his conscience now more than ever. Possibly members of Rook’s team too if they died on his crusade. But he is vulnerable enough for Morrigan to approach, and now Rook can use Mythal’s essence to make the final push. The only way he could be with Lavellan, the only way he could atone for the past and shed the weight of his armour (his crushing duty to the Elvhenan) is as Wisdom, fully restored, unbound by mistakes.

“Ar lasa mala revas.” He could only find absolution once Mythal (the angered and more brash essence of Mythal, the one unchanged by Flemeth and all the human women’s lives she’s been shaped by, but the closest iteration to that of Mythal in Arlathan, the version that he perceives as having every right to be angry at him for turning his back on her, for not going that last final stretch with her and subsequently, not being by her side when she died) severed the final connection: facing his regrets, showing humility and apologizing, while not taking away the blame but sharing it.

What is Benevolence without Wisdom if not Hubris?

We know Elgar’nan was twisted to Tyranny during the war, and I saw a post somewhere where someone wondered what led to his corruption, and what he was before (leadership/command). Likewise, Mythal was not above corruption.

So far, I’ve seen a lot of takes on Solas’ ties to Mythal, the power dynamic of being a student/disciple enamoured (could be romantic) with the benevolence of Mythal, but not how Mythal’s purpose was possibly also twisted towards hubris the moment she asked Wisdom to turn physical and build weapons from its knowledge, twisting it to Pride. Without Elgar’nan’s tyranny to rally against after the war with the Titans, Mythal would most likely turn a similar route, seeing her ruling as “necessary” for the people: “If not me then who?”. And that is a very short stop and quick drop to “I am your all-powerful ruler, I liberated you, and only I can guide the way”. Benevolence twisted by hubris can easily turn to Tyranny too, only one more subtle, a kind of cultish indoctrination compared to violent subjugation. If Solas had not turned his back on Mythal when she chose to be Evanuris (a god over her people) then they most likely would have made the worst (best) pair in the Evanuris. Pride is the Seventh Deadliest Sin. But imagine Pride next to Godhood?! That is frightening. So, when Solas burns the vallaslin, walks away and works against the Evanuris, I believe that he also inadvertently stops Mythal from becoming a corrupted version of herself. The sorrow at having lost her closest confidant and “love” grounds her, keeps her saintly in Solas’ mind, and in some ways, perhaps saves the Elvhen empire from a worse fate than him erecting the veil to begin with. But neither of them ever consider this. And I think that sort of self-blindness perfectly encapsulates how flawed both Mythal and Solas are. Now onto love.

Solas and Mythal – a Love too complex to simply classify as mortal ‘Love’.

There’s no doubt Mythal and Solas shared a deep bond, one that definitely had love in it, when we hear Mythal calling him ‘love’, without the possessive ‘my’ in front of it, it’s easy to misconstrue what type of love they share. A small nitpick, but like a thorn, it applies sometimes just enough pressure to change a perspective. Not calling Solas “My love” but instead choosing to simply use “love” works within those wonderful ambiguities/complexities that Weekes thrives in.

If one started out as a spirit, it’s safe to say concepts like familial bonds, romantic bonds, and blood ties mean little to nothing. There is no one type of love and there is every kind of love all at once. It is only once physical bodies are introduced, that physical touch, the ability to stab someone in the back, to kiss out of affection, to hug out of empathy, to strike out of anger, that love now becomes this twisted thing too. There are no spirits of love because spirits always possessed love, but there are demons of Desire (Gluttony) and of Rage (love denied).

I believe, from DGL’s acting skills, his soft whisper, his almost submissive smallness in the breadth of Mythal’s already soft voice, that Solas was in love with Mythal, devoted as a student, beguiled by her benevolence, content even in her shadow, and possibly star-struck. He was in love with someone who doesn’t have the possibility to love him back the same, it is not in her nature to love those beneath her in the same intensity that those who look up to her do. It’s like a priest being in love with God. The priest can devote themselves, sacrifice everything, but a God will always love their flock equally, but they can still play favourites.

Benevolence cannot be enamoured with Wisdom because to be truly benevolent they must possess Wisdom but there is also Pride to be had in walking beside benevolence, but they can never be on equal footing. Likewise, Solas’ love is not reciprocated entirely by Mythal, but she does love him back in her own way. While Mythal is definetly Solas’ first love, layered and complex, it is also strangled by regrets and twisted by uneven scales of power. It would never be a nurturing love, only a consuming kind.

When he speaks of Mythal during the Solavellan ending, he calls her his “oldest friend”, much like what Mythal says, (paraphrasing) “would you have me be angry at my oldest companion whose experienced so much with me”. Because friendship is perhaps the easiest way to describe their companionship. They went through many iterations, one certainly holding romantic tensions (specifically from younger Solas), but ultimately, with that much time shared, kinship/friendship becomes the easiest to surmise. You can love your friends, fall in love with them, fall out of love with them, only to love them again, be disappointed in them, etc.

Media today is flushed with romance as a linchpin for driving a hero to make dire choices, and that has warped our perception of how a platonic/non-romance-based relationship can be all-consuming, and sometimes more impassioned than strict romance. But, to make it easier for people to understand Solas’ motivations, it's easier to see their love in the light Taash sees it (an unreliable, somewhat “still juvenile” narrator, in that they are still growing into themselves and their culture and the world): “They were doing it”.

However, Bellara, a companion whose entire companion story is linked to her strong, deeply character-driving relationship with her brother (platonic love) refutes that reading by saying (paraphrasing here): “We don’t know if their ‘love’ is the same type of love we tend to think of in a masculine and feminine relationship.”

Felassan’s letter after the Mythal Dragon fight alludes to Solas having been in love with Mythal, but nothing about how she felt. This is why I consider the Solas/Mythal relationship to be more of a one-sided romantic love, but a requited ‘love’ relationship for them both.  

A parallel I find so compelling: Solas and Mythal vs Briala and Celene. Solas and Briala both hold deep emotions for people in great power with the ability to end a tyrannical cycle of subjugation, enslavement and classism, yet for both of these ruler’s charisma and well-meaning intent, they often are swayed to side with tyranny. For Mythal, that was Elgarnan, the Evanuris who made all the other’s worse tyrants; as well as her own hubris for believing her presence alone could dampen the ravenous hunger for power that the rest of the Evanuris held at the small prospect of leading the Elvhen in a time of confusion (being a North Star is hard when all the other lights around you aim to blind the flock into submission). For Celene, this is more about the nuances of retaining favour, pull and power over other noble families, their backing (be it financial, political or simply cut-throat), and their support so she can be the ‘lesser of two evils’ compared to Gaspard’s warmongering personality and Florianne simply being a puppet with no backbone. Both Briala and Solas are turned to pawns despite their immense strength and compassion for their respective elven plights; Briala is rendered a fangless lion (for lack of a better metaphor) if she is reunited with Celene, whereas if she is chosen to puppet Gaspard, there’s every likelihood her story could parallel a ‘power-mad’ Solas if he’d been tethered to Rage (at betrayal) and not Regret (at having not rejected Mythal when she asked him to take a physical body) throughout his tenure as the Dread Wolf.

Solas and Lavellan – a Heart that was never intended to be Given/Taken

Now I will compare the lack of possessives in front of Mythal’s “love” to Solas declaring Lavellan as ‘Vhenan’ and then ‘Ar lath, ma Vhenan’ vs ‘Ar lath ma vhenan'; again, the coma is the thorn, the pause that shapes the quiet unsaid things we can deduce. In the Trespasser cutscene DGL puts the pause after “Ar lath”, even though the subtitles construct the sentence with Vhenan as a proper noun since it’s a nickname often used by Solas: “Ar lath ma, Vhenan”. But I believe Solas actually says “Ar lath, ma Vhenan”.

With “Ar lath, ma Vhenan” the stressor is after the pause, so the line reads: “I love [you], my heart.” And with “Ar lath ma, Vhenan” it makes even less structural sense but can be inferred to mean: “I love you, Heart”.  

The possessiveness of “My” is what definitively differentiates the love Solas feels for Lavellan as one more of the romantic side, it is a love of yearning and desire and a wish to have one last good thing that is pure and incorruptible. The one thing he had left to give. His heart. But that does not mean his heart is enough! The rest of him is still bound to the love of Mythal that was twisted through the ages. That changed him. And given how Pride often comes before a fall, I absolutely understand why Solas is actually very brash and ill-considering when he’s romancing Lavellan (“The kiss was ill-considered”/”It would be kinder in the long run”/”I wanted to show you what you mean to me”). He's on a precarious cliff during Inquisition. His first plan failed. He's allowed ancient elvhen magic to fall into a blighted Tevinter magister's hands. Literally everything the Inquisition did could have been for nought if the Mark had fallen to the wrong person. Things could have easily fallen apart for Solas too, so why not indulge in something trifling and fleeting? Execpt it wasn't trifling. Nor was it fleeting. And when he saw that the fall could potentially not happen, that the Inquisitor could do it, save Thedas and retrieve the orb, he was struck by the gravity of his brashness, of letting impulses control him instead of acting according to a plan. But it was too late. They'd both fallen for each other.

Solas didn’t expect to form entanglements within the Inquisition. He was committed. He was angry at the world, “walking through a sea of tranquil”, called flat-ear by the Dalish that later chased him from their village when he proved he was the Dread Wolf. He was despised by people who looked like him. Spirits were constantly being abused and turned into demons. People erected monuments to heroes who slew demons. Mages were caged. Elves were subjugated. The empire fell. Humans razed the lands with their wars and petty squabbles of succession. The darkspawn tainted the land. The dwarves would never dream. Solas awoke to the worst possible fate; in his eyes, it was all his fault.

So when he kisses Lavellan in the Fade, impulsively, he isn’t kissing her there because it is less ‘real’ than if they kissed while she was awake, it makes it so much more real. He’s kissing her in the space where he is most himself. Where he can shed the body he was forced to build and trap himself within, the body of Pride. He is acting on the impulses of an enlivened Wisdom spirit that does not consider tomorrow, for the first time in a long time. It isn’t a long game with Lavellan, like so much of his life has been about always thinking to the future, always considering the outcome, machinating, scheming, the wiles and woes of every trickster god in mythology. It’s being in the moment with her that is all-consuming. It lowers his guard, leaves him vulnerable, and when she enquires about the Fade or spirits or histories, he gets to be useful as pure Wisdom again.

Lavellan challenging him when he first shows animosity or irritation towards the Dalish (a prideful act), and then him being taken aback when she explains that maybe the Dalish could be shown another way (making him consider her words, being given a morsel of wisdom back, reminding him of his old self), these are all small moments where Solas can begin to see springs of hope in the broken world. And that’s terrifying. It means he’s destroying not just himself, but the memory of Mythal and Arlathan too, all for the love of a woman who fell for an apostate.

The best, most genuine unmasking of Solas for me is during Wicked Hearts, when he’s tipsy on wine, has no inhibitions, and revels in the intrigue, the gossip, the dancing, the music (something we now know is important enough to have an entire music room in the Lighthouse), the sex! He is at his most relaxed, and then he asks Lavellan to dance, not caring about how it would look for the “Inquisitor’s serving man, Solas” to be intimate in a fucking Orlesian palace with the Herald of Andraste, right after stopping an assassination attempt! He finds comfort in the world of Thedas at that moment. Something he rarely shows so outright.

When he takes Lavellan to Crestwood to confess, I believe removing her vallaslin wasn’t entirely just for her, it wasn’t just to free her from slave markings or to simply reveal a form of a truth he wanted to tell her, it was to resolve himself of what his first purpose was supposed to be, what she distracted him from. Removing the vallaslin had been something he’d done for the slaves of Arlathan, it was what earned him the mantle of Dread Wolf. When he removes Lavellan’s vallaslin, he resets.

Thedas cannot allow Wisdom to truly exist without fear of corruption to Pride, Thedas the world he was responsible for shaping, literally the Maker of the Veil, and he falls for a woman Heralded as Andraste’s Chosen One, Mythal’s incarnation in the South. The irony. The cruel, cruel irony. The Inquisition is tied to his past, every Andrastian he meets, every Dalish person with vallaslin on their face, every slave or city elf. Tevinter worshiping the dragons that still have the essences of the Old Gods. His heart alone cannot withstand all of the punishing, gruelling, oppressive weight that is Thedas. Even for Lavellan. So he frames their romance as this tragic, short-lived tale that was beautiful but ultimately destined to end. He expects it to pass for her, she’s mortal after all. But he also leaves his heart with her, literally giving her power over the last uncorrupted part of himself. Think Will Turner and Elizabeth Swann at the end of World’s End, but metaphorically. He gives her his heart to safe keep as he goes on a journey that could corrupt a heart, turn it cold and bitter, destroy it.   

Ar lasa mala revas. You are free.

He frees his heart.

Lets it go.

Twice!

So only once he is relinquished of his regrets, once Mythal does the same for him, only then is there “Nothing left except their love”. Because Lavellan still held his heart there was still something left after. Something beyond despair and regret and loss. He had given his heart to her to safekeep. And she did. Lavellan returns his heart to him when he is freed. What Mythal had to break so Solas could heal right again (like a bone), Lavellan casts a splint around so it can be set and heal properly. This is the difference between Mythal’s love and Lavellan’s. Both Mythal’s love and forgiveness broke him, but Lavellan’s love gives him the strength to Stand Tall one last time.

Solas, before Pride alone, as Wisdom (perhaps Solas always meant both Standing Tall and Wisdom, for Wisdom can grant one pride to stand tall for what they believe in), finds contentment with the rare and marvellous spirit that endured (his Vhenan). Wisdom endured because of humanity, something benevolence is beyond.

Bellanaris

When Lavellan offers to go with him, to continue on the dinanshiral that she already considers herself a part of, Solas is legitimately taken aback. His expression is soft yet full of disbelief and awe. He actually stops walking a few frames before Lavellan says this, as if hoping Lavellan would say something to him!

And then she basically proposes to him! “Bellanaris!” I absolutely adore the fact that Lavellan promises them eternity. A vow as sacred as a death right, as protected as an ancient, elvhen, undisturbed burial ground in the face of Orlesian colonialisation. They endured and now they will have an eternity. For once, we have an elvish tale that is not a curse, it is a love story with reunion at its core, where both elves reclaim something precious that was denied them.

Lastly, i am absolutely frothing at the mouth that Solas and Lavellan primarily speak in elvish! And even more feral at the fact Solas does not try to talk her out of joining him (because this sweet talker very well could!). He simply tells her where he is going is terrible. And she shuts that shit down immediately. No repeat of Trespasser. She's standing beside him, the South has all but fallen, whatever ties yet survive are strained, and she has fought the good fight for 8 years. I think the Inquisitor was about ready to leave Thedas behind.

The last decisions Solas makes are of his own volition. Entering the Fade for atonement. Stepping into the Fade with Lavellan (It was confirmed by Weekes that Lavellan’s presence in the Fade prison would fundamentally change it in a way we haven’t seen!). Thanking Rook for giving him one last shot at getting happiness. All his own!

This is the look of a man finally reunited with his wife! So much emotion in ONE frame. God! There’s never been a character like him. A love story like theirs! I’m so happy I got to see this ending. Full circle!

P.S. If you read this far, woah nelly! That’s crayyzeee, so here are some more great pieces: Why it was important for Lavellan to kneel for Solas as he knelt for her in Trespasser in the Solavellan ending [x], and here’s a great deep-dive on Solas as a spirit of Wisdom [x].

[fidenciocryptidcreechur]

what i understand so far of Recent Twst Skully stuff

i have put tags for the twst nightmare before christmas event and tagged the character so this post has been labeled

this is from comparing and contrasting different translations from different folks, different translations from others, screenshots, and also youtube playthroughs (because i do not have twst jp but i am also deeply invested in the lore of Wonderland because it is SO GOOD)

Skully J Graves is considered a historical figure who founded the current Wonderland Halloween traditions (this implies that the skully we interacted with is from the past, and it seems he took sebek's words into consideration as the Current Wonderland Halloween traditions are not solemn and are instead festive and merry plus there's candy etc,)

Skully J Graves was once an NRC student. He eventually graduated and then spread the traditions of halloween in his life, he did this very successfully, enough so that he is considered the founder of Halloween.

Skully J Graves died a long time ago. He used to be an alumni, a student, CENTURIES BEFORE Crowley was even headmaster. ( which crowley has been a headmaster for NRC for quite some time so that's pretty freaking ancient. pretty far back in the time line i feel like)

Skully is dead, like beyond dead, he is a human who founded Wonderland Halloween literally centuries ago before a literal ancient FAE became Headmaster went there and crowley seems to have been headmaster for quite some time, so like Skully has very much been dead because he is an ANCIENT historical figure who founded a holiday before Crowley even took over.

Skully J Graves is heavily implied to still roam the lands as a ghost (people feel a phantom kiss on their hands after getting out)

While we did meet Skully J graves when he was 16, he later grew up and died from, yknow, time and age getting to him. He seems to have been VERY successful in spreading Halloween traditions. ( i can not express how incredibly dead he is due to the passage of time, that guy graduated and spread halloween spirit and died. So many centuries passed, like this guys bones are probably dust already, aint nothing left after that much time unless he managed to be buried in an environment that preserved him well enough)

Okay so now that the more canon stuff is out of the way here are some theories i have seen already pop up

He might have once been a resident of Ramshackle (he wears clothes that closely match the aesthetics and vibe of the abandoned dorm. I am unsure how likely this is but there ARE ghost of students that haunt that place and Skully used to to be a pretty lonely guy so maybe the dorm he used to live in was always a pretty lonesome place that was eventually abandoned. Also Twisted Wonderland is REALLY good about meaningful designs and placement and mentions of stuff so there could very well be something there, especially in twst jp.)

We might get him as a card but he will come visit as a Ramshackle ghost ( i do not know how likely this one is but i understand why they want this. I miss him too...)

He has been waiting for Yuu and company this whole time and when we finally came in at the right time he chucked that book at us to meet up. (this is just cute, i like it. who knows maybe he did idk but i love the idea)

any additional translations, additional info from screenshots or analyses are greatly appreciated ( check out yuurei20 for some super awesome analyses and translations of previous stuff, their linguistic dissection is great)

this took a bit because comparing and contrasting different translations from different folks and different screenshots and playthroughs so any additional info is awesome to have

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for taking romantic photos with a 14-year-old when I was 19?

Context: In the 2000s I used to be into the emo/scene subculture and when I was barely 19 I went to an emo meetup at a graveyard. There was no established age limit to this group but everyone was pretty young--teens to early adults. I'm autistic and so it was a big deal for me to be social like this (I was poorly socialized due to homeschooling and severe bullying and I was mentally probably a lot younger than 19 and I looked much younger too). Well, a girl who I assumed was older than me or at least the same age (we were wearing heavy makeup so it made it harder to discern) really took a liking to me (glomping me, dragging me around the place, etc.) and we hung out for most of that day (along with another of her friends). Her friend was taking photos of her for Myspace--posing in front of the graves, etc. And the girl asked me to take a "romantic" photo with her. I balked. My severe social phobia battled with my desire not to disappoint my new friend, and at the time I couldn't say no to people no matter how dire the circumstances. So I said yes. They were, in hindsight, tame photos. Holding hands while gazing "romantically" and tragically into each other's eyes. The most suggestive it ever was was a photo where she pinned me against the graveyard wall and grabbed my chin and tilted it up. We never kissed or did anything beyond the photoshoot. I felt incredibly uncomfortable the entire time and had a panic attack during it. When it was over I went home and she friended me on Myspace and I found on her profile she was 14. I panicked the fuck out. She asked if she could post the photos and I asked her not to. She already had. I asked her to take them down explaining how uncomfortable she had made me. She took it very well and did so, deleting the photos. She apologized to ME which was ridiculous and I apologized profusely to HER that I thought she was OLDER than me! But as a 19 year old I should have made sure. She asked if we could be friends still and I said I didn't feel comfortable with that. She said she understood. I blocked her and haven't contacted her to this day. I am in my thirties now but this still haunts me (I suffer from POCD and this encounter did not help it in the slightest). I still have the paranoia that she'll remember who I was and for some unknown reason decide to ruin my life and most of all I feel like such an idiot and a creep.

[revolutionarywig]

Frev locations compile

Thought of compiling a list of frev significant locations so it can help with recommendations for anyone who happens to be travelling/visiting! This is only done to my knowledge and not a complete list, please feel free to suggest if you happen to know more locations that I completely missed!

so here is the frev pilgrimage list! Long post warning.

(Note: The items are not in any particular order)

(Note: I typed this post up a long time ago but couldn't finish, a lot of thanks to the people who helped out on contributing information and your patience with me.)

Musée Carnavalet (Paris)

This one is very obvious, it is a must go for seeing a collection of frev related artifacts and paintings, including Couthon’s wheelchair, Robespierre’s hair, the most iconic portraits etc. Also its FREE.

Panthéon (Paris)

You can see the statue of the National Convention deputies. It doesnt have too much related to frev directly, but Rousseau and Voltaire (and Carnot…..) are interred there

La Conciergerie (Paris)

If you want to see the Deseine bust of Robespierre, but cant go to Vizille, there is a copy of it here within Paris at the conciergerie. It is the place where most frev figures as well as Antoinette spent their last monents.

Musée des archives nationales (Paris)

(June 2023) There is a temporary exhibit featuring frev rn which I highly recommend (also its free to go so like GO)

But beyond the temporary exhibit, I believe there are still a few things in permanent collection (Robespierre’s note book page, Antoinette’s last letter in prison, Comte d’Artois’ letter etc), including the famous 9 thermidor table that Robespierre supposedly lied on. the museum is free to visit.

Père la Chaise (Paris)

@robespapier wrote a better post on navigating the cemetery. It helped me so much with finding the graves of Lebas, Elisabeth and Eleonore Duplay! Thank you so much for the guide!

Rue Saint Honoré (Paris)

the current address of the Duplays household is 398 rue saint-honoré, which is now next to a louboutin store…. There is a commemorative plaque there indicating Robespierre’s residence there. Im not sure about going inside the residence….There was construction when I visited and the door was open, heres how it looks on the inside.

SJ’s bust (Paris & Angers)

I have not visited either of the two locations yet, but you can find that white bust of Saint-Just (that seemed to be modelled after the pastel portrait in the Carnavalet) in either Petit Palais (Paris) or Galerie David d’Angers (Angers). @orpheusmori has posted some Petit Palais pictures here @robespapier has posted some Galerie David d'Angers pictures here

Marat sign (Paris)

i have an image of this plaque sitting on my phone, I forgot where it was located until @orpheusmori helped me track the location of it! It is in the Odéon area and should be in the small narrow street with the back side of Le Procope. It commemorates the location as an important area during the French Revolution as well as the place where Marat established his printing shop.

The front of the same building also has another Marat plaque! I didnt know about it before thank you @orpheusmori for finding and contributing the photo! This one is above an Jewellery store (Amour de Pierres) https://maps.app.goo.gl/8X9zgKYpMiLJcULq7

Olympe de Gouges sign (Paris)

Once again, i have a photo of the plaque proving its existence, but I took it years ago and i dont remember where it was exactly.... It was all in the Odéon area, it shouldn’t be too far from the other….

Danton statue (Paris)

there is a Danton statue! Right outside the Odéon metro! You cant miss it. Also the placement of the statue is where he once lived.

Procope (Paris)

Its a really old cafe frequented by a lot of philosophes as well as many frev figures. There is also a bicorn from Napoleon inside. Right now its still a restaurant establishment, and its difficult to visit unless you eat inside….which is expensive…. However ! This whole general Odéon area is full of other frev landmarks (some more mentioned below). Including the metro station which has a bust of Danton.

Versailles revolutionary room (Versailles)

Beyond the royal family, there is a room dedicated to a lot of major Revolutionary Army generals and battles. Theres that one painting of Lafayette if u into that

Musée des armes/Invalides (Paris)

It has a significant collection of military artefacts from the French Revolution and its a really good resource for armory researches. The museum also has a sword that belonged to Lafayette, as well as a sword belonging to Carnot during the Directoire (image below)

Louvre

The Louvre does not have a lot relating to the French Revolution but it has a few significant paintings and a lot of David’s work. One of the Death of Marat copies produced by David’s studio should be in the museum, as well as a painting featuring the battke of fleurus (with SJ cameo)

Tennis court (Versailles)

Near the palace of Versailles you can find the room where the deputies swore the famous oaths. It is free to enter, although last time I went it was undergoing construction, hopefully it should have finished by now.

Musée de la Révolution Française (Vizille)

If you can go to Vizille… GO TO VIZILLE! The easiest way by transport would be to stay at Grenoble then take one of the buses that runs between Grenoble and Vizille. It is a whole museum dedicated to the revolution (and it is free) and the park is really pretty. This is where you can find the statue of Marat,

The Deseine busts including dear Bonbon,

And DJ Saint-Just.

Also special thank you to @citizentaleo for taking me there, I would’ve otherwise been lost in the French mountains lol, thank you!

Maison Robespierre (Arras)

You can visit Robespierre’s residence in Arras. It is possible to visit the inside, but it has a very specific and short opening hours.

I wasn’t able to go in since I was only in Arras for a few hours….But I got to attend a conference by Hervé Leuwers aaa (He is very sweet and I learned quite few new things from the presentation, but thats post for another day)

Robespierre metro stop (Paris suburb)

There is in fact, a Robespierre metro station on line 9! Not much beyond name but at least some credit to him! Alas it is not exactly within Paris and just on the outskirt. (Oh and there is also Voltaire)

Cordeliers club (Paris)

I dont have much information on what happened to the original location of the Cordeliers club and how it was modified, but the location is part of the sorbonne campus now i believe. I'd be very curious if anyone knows more information on this.

Place de la Bastille (Paris)

The Bastille is of course not there anymore, but the ground around the square and including the metro stations near by have traces/marks of where the old prison would have stood.

(and yea the picture was taken during a manif)

Pavillon de flore (Paris)

The pavillon attached to the Louvre and next to the Pont Royale is the Pavillon de Flore, which is where the Committee de Salut Publique worked.

Jacobin club (Paris) Alas the original convent in which the Jacobin gathered is no more and replaced by a commercial centre instead (Passage de Jacobins) . There is a sign however recognizing the place for what it was.

Place de la Concorde (Paris) Originally Place de la Révolution, there is a plaque remembering the executions that took place here near the obelisk.

Maison SJ (Blérancourt) I have not been to Saint-Just's house yet, because it is very hard to commute there without a car. But it certainly is still there and (I believe) maintained by the Saint-Just Association.

Catacombs (Paris) According to wikipedia....The bone remains of many revolutionaries buried in Cimitière Errancis (which has a plaque indicating it in the 8th arrondissement, according to wikipedia) are transferred to the catacombs, including Robespierre, Danton, etc. The catacomb is roughly organized chronologically but there is obviously no sign indicating which bone it actually is.

Cluny La Sorbonne station (Paris) It is on metro line 10 and the waiting tunnel is decorated with signatures of prominent French figures. It doesn't have any actual frev artifacts, but it looks cool and you can spot Robespierre, Danton, and Camille Desmoulins' signatures on the ceiling.

Louis le Grand (Paris) The school that Robespierre attended is still under the same name and still in use as a school! (i've reached the image maximum alas i cannot add more images...)

And that is all I can think of so far! There is surely a lot more that are out there (including outside of France). Once again, please feel free to mention if you know more frev landmarks that I missed out on. And to whoever happens to be travelling I hope you find this list helpful to start with.

[lena-in-a-red-dress]

Prompt (it's okay if you ignore this one cos it's a bit dark/triggering): Lena, post S4 having just killed her brother & finding out about the SG secret, is suicidal, like seriously considering ending it once and for all. BUT she finds something that brings her back to wanting to live and be happy (a new goal or motivation?) Side reigncorp would be nice, having Sam there to support her etc and she's the only one she trusts right now plus she's the only one who never lied to/betrayed her. Thanks!

WARNING FOR SUICIDAL THOUGHTS/INTENTIONS

----

Lena stares at the pill bottle in her hand. It would be so easy, she thinks. Just tip the bottle to her lips and swallow the lot with a chaser of bourbon. Let herself drift away into sleep. Maybe she'd get lucky and remain blissfully unaware of the vomit and foam that would likely follow. Perhaps her mind would block it out, allow her to sink peacefully into death while her body convulsed to reject the poison.

She considers who might find her. The cleaners perhaps, due to return in two days time. Or more likely Jess, when she fails to come to work or answer her phone. Certainly not Kara, who believes everything between them is fine-- that their friendship hasn't shattered into irrecoverable shards.

Kara. No, Supergirl. Fucking Supergirl.

Lena clenches her eyes shut, but the image of the hero simply projects against the backs of her eyelids. With her stupid hair and her stupid cape and her stupid, lying smile. But no. The truth is, Lena is the idiot. An idiot to think she'd made true friends, to think she could share the innermost parts of herself with someone who wouldn't turn around and use it against her.

They played you for a fool, Lex's voice echoes from beyond the grave.

Stupid, stupid, stupid!

Suddenly, an explosion of glass issues from her living room. Lena surges for her handgun, and carefully creeps from her bedroom. Her fingers clenches unnecessarily-- angrily-- against the trigger when she recognizes the caped figure that rises shakily from the floor. But she doesn't fire.

"Lena?" Kara croaks, cradling her middle as though her ribs are broken. Lena watches her scan the living room and kitchen before locating her outside the bedroom. "Lena..."

"What do you want?"

She means it to sound angry, or at the very least irritated. Instead, she just sounds tired, even to her own ears.

"Something's happened to Alex-- to everyone. The DEO is compromised. They--" The hero grimaces in pain. "They tried to kill me."

"So you came to me."

"I hoped you wouldn't be affected. Whatever it is... it's bad. It's really bad."

Lena tries to feel something. Concern, outrage, curiosity-- anything. But she can't. She feels flat, like the air has deflated from her, leaving her a sagging balloon, pressed down by the weight of the air around her.

"Kara..."

Lena sees the exact moment the name hits home, and its implication hits home. Her eyes close in resignation-- not apology, Lena notes distantly.

"You figured it out--?"

"No."

Kara nearly sighs. "Your mother?"

"Brother," Lena allows, "but interesting that you know Lillian knew."

Lex was right. Everyone in the world but her knew the truth. Even her mother. And Kara knows that Lillian knows. That she allowed Lena's family to know the truth, but not she herself.

Fuck her.

"And now you've come to the Luthor you've managed to keep in your pocket."

Like always, Lena notes. Every time she's been involved with Supergirl and her allies, it's been as a last resort. Not because they truly wanted her or her help. Because they had nowhere else to turn.

Her stomach turns, and again Lena's thoughts flicker back to the prescription bottle in her bedroom. She feels sick, and she doesn't want to. She'd rather feel nothing at all than feel this.

"Lena..." Kara straightens as best she can. "I'm not here because I have to be. I'm here because you're the only one I trust."

Their eyes lock for a long moment, and Lena hopes her gaze conveys her disbelief. The words mean nothing, and the fact Kara expects her to believe them is actually insulting.

"What do you expect me to do?"

"We need to know what's affected them and find a way to neutralize it."

"I'll need a current blood sample, and a sample from before the changes in behavior occurred for comparison."

Lena turns back towards her bedroom.

"Then I'll see what I can do."

---

What she can do, it would seem, is quite a lot. Per usual. She isolates a chemical signature in Agent Schott's blood that stands out as abnormal, and traces it back to readings taken from clothes that have arrived on several alien refugee ships. The chemical is alien in nature, but it's not long before Lena synthesizes a counteragent to render the chemical inert until it could be processed from the bloodstream on its own.

She does all this before it can spread further than the DEO. Kara looks at her with gratitude and relief and a little bit of patent awe, but Lena isn't impressed with herself or her results. Isn't this what she always does? Pulls a rabbit out of her ass and saves the day-- but never enough to breach that final circle of trust she never even knew existed.

Once she confirms all DEO employees are returned to their normal selves, Lena withdraws. She relinquishes her role at L-Corp to Sam with some easy bullshit about taking a sabbatical. She hoards her prescriptions, waiting for the moment to be right.

The night she chooses is dark and rainy. But she manages to prod herself to going to the boutique liquor store beforehand-- might as well go out sipping something luxurious and expensive.

On her way back, she pauses on the sidewalk when she hears something moving beneath the car parked next to her along the curb. When it doesn't come again, she moves to resume her march home, but is stopped again by a new sound.

A whine.

Lena hesitates. She can keep walking, pretend she never heard it. But her feet remain rooted against her intentions to leave, until she finally relents and climbs down to her hands and knees. Pressing her cheek almost to the cement, she peers under the sedan and sees the soggy silhouette of a small quadruped.

A puppy. Or some sort of small breed. When it shifts, she sees disproportionately gangly limbs and a long tail curled around its trunk. Puppy.

Lena sighs. "C'mere," she mutters, reaching her arm under the car. The dog is far enough under that her shoulder feels like it nearly dislocates before she finally catches the sorry creature by the scruff of the neck.

It yelps when she drags it out into the rain, but makes no move to escape when she stares down at it appraisingly. Short brown fur darkened by rain, small half-flopped ears, and big brown eyes. It's certainly the picture of a creature any decent human being would cleave to.

"All right," she says heavily. "Let's get you somewhere dry."

She picks the pup up and tucks it into her coat. It curls into the warmth of her chest, shivering all the way back to her apartment. She snags a towel from the linen closet before removing her coat, and transfers the animal directly into it.

Once it's mostly dry, Lena sits back and stares at the beast as it stares at her. She glances at the bottle of liquor she'd set on the coffee table next to the pup.

Lena sighs.

"You chose a hell of a night to turn up," she says drily. Lena gives the dog's head a rub before picking it up to set it gently on the floor.

"Let's get you some food."

----

(Prompts are closed)

[hoodreader]

Saturn asks: “What are you so afraid of?”

read for saturn persona chart or where saturn falls in ur natal chart. read for solar return chart to see what fear u need to overcome. this is a general post: house placement, aspects, etc all have an influence in how the fear may manifest.

remedy saturn to subdue the fear. good luck!

forms | menu | archive

🧠 WHAT IS FEAR? fear is spiritually sourced from insecurity. and fear is the predecessor of a lot of emotions / feelings: such as anger, or sadness. it’s in the root of the animalistic, carnal, survivalist part of u. the part of u that is of this world — ur flesh.

fear is housed in the amygdala — a part of the brain responsible for survival instincts. it’s one of the oldests parts of ur brain, having been developing since before the transition from life in the sea to the land… that was a long time ago. this means that the amygdala (or the capacity of fear) is almost as old as the brain (the capacity to have a thought) itself.

fear is defined as “an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.” for billions of years, this is how living beings survived. by being afraid.

but that’s the problem with a mindset centered on survival. in order to fear something, u have to sub/unconsciously believe that something else has the power to threaten u. u must believe that it can bring harm to u.

fear has its place for the body. it’s instinctual. the rabbit fears the serpent. the serpent fears the cat. and so on. when u fear something, that’s because ur animalistic, physical self is trying to protect the body. and we are animals, after all.

but in many ways, fear is the antithesis of the limitless soul and spirit. because fear is in the core in the animal’s physical form, it can corrupt what is beyond the physical — including the core of the non-physical.

this is why we must address our fear — it’s a necessary step in acquiring freedom from the cycle of survivalism and to allow urself to evolve past what you have been conditioned in. read on to learn how u may house fear within u. good luck!

first house. what you fear in yourself, in new environments, fear of your mind, of your psyche. what you fear of your spirit and soul. self-consciousness in your body; fear of your appearance; fear of health. fear of life itself.

second house. fear of losing your possessions and assets. fear of loss in security. fear of poverty.

third house. what you fear in your personal communities. fear of not belonging. what you fear in your siblings. being the “black sheep.” fear of communication; of expressing yourself. anxiety. fear of information, of the truth.

fourth house. fears you inherit from your family. fear of karma. what you fear in your ancestry or family. fear of death; of the grave; of the “end.” fear of the dark, fear of intimacy, fear of your ‘shadow self’. fear of leaving home or fear of home itself (look at aspects). fear of emotion. if you have a uterus: this could even be menophobia. you may fear even acknowledging a fear at all.

fifth house. your fears of pregnancy, childbearing, sex, romance, or creation. fear of parenthood. your fear of adventure. fear of self expression (especially with art). how you may suppress your inner child; fear of expressing it.

sixth house. health-related fears. fears relating to the obstructions in your routine; your day-to-day; your comfort. fear of not doing enough. fear of cats or dogs (lmao, but seriously). fear of your enemies (private).

seventh house. fear of other people; fear of partnerships (business and marriage/long-term romantic). fear of binding commitments. fear of death. fear of enemies (public). fear of justice.

eighth house. fear of the taboo, of the misunderstood, of the socially exiled. fear of debts owed. fear of what you inherit. fear of your karma. fear of your nature. fear of change. fear of sex (as a binding, energetic exchange). fear of sexual organs. fear of surgery. fear of purging. fear of insects, arachnids, reptiles, and/or amphibians.

ninth house. fear of foreign communities. fear of planes; of far-distanced travel. fear of religions. fear of god. of higher education, college, etc.

tenth house. fear of being seen. fear of legacy. fear of your public reception. fear of how you’re seen. fear of your reputation. of authority. goals. afraid of your honor. of fame.

eleventh house. afraid to aspire. of liberty and freedom. afraid to challenge or rebel. afraid to think outside the box. fear of society; of friendship.

twelfth house. your fears of isolation; fears of being lonely. fear of rest. fear of closure. fear of death. fear of your ‘shadow self’. fear of therapy, of hospitals, of prisons. fear of exile. fear of introspection. fear of sadness, woe, and sickness.

saturn aspecting ascendant. similar to saturn in the first house. you’re afraid to embody your own energy. afraid of your own body. you can be your own jailer.

saturn aspecting sun. afraid of being noticed or seen. afraid to create. you’re afraid to perform; stage freight. you have shame, you may try to remedy your shame with pride but that’s not going to help your insecurity.

saturn aspecting moon. you’re afraid to have emotional needs. to be emotional at all. you may have been told your feelings were burdensome, so when you feel, you grow disappointed or shameful at the fact that you do. fear of letting go, so the native may hold onto emotions that no longer serve them. emotional stunting.

saturn aspecting mercury. you’re afraid to speak. to make your presence known. you might’ve been told you were only to be seen, not heard. you internalize this by not verbalizing yourself. you may have shallow breathing.

saturn aspecting venus. you’re afraid to love. to be close. to desire. you may be ashamed of wanting to be intimate. you could also simply have self-esteem issues, or you have shame relating to your wealth and finances.

saturn aspecting mars. there’s shame in anger, in your root / carnal needs. you’re ashamed of perceived weakness, and you may fear being viewed as anything other than strong. you may also fear betrayal or someone sneaking you, so you may be prone to grudges. fear of blood. fear of being hurt.

saturn aspecting jupiter. this is viewed as auspicious, but there can still be fear lurking. fear is, at times, consuming. large. pervasive (if a conjunction). fear can be of water. religious-related. community-related. fear to aspire. fear of marriage, fear of feeling shackled by marriage. it can be related to feeling like you lack freedom.

saturn aspecting the nodes. the nodes are about your destiny, about your karma, your past life experiences. the lessons you carry into this lifetime, and thus, what you may fear from lives long dead. and they are much more significant than some people will lead you to believe. it’s more than “future” and “past.” they meet you here in your current body. look to the nodes in your saturn persona chart — it’ll be a key in learning how not to rely on fear to guide you.

you should also use the lessons that have been taught in your familial line, the lessons from the past will be relevant to the future. for the long-haul for sure. for this, i’d advise looking to karmic advisory. if you have living elders, talk to them (a lot). if you don’t have living elders in your family, talk to elders in general. don’t be afraid of your destiny. you chose it for a reason! good luck! ⭐️

works of @hoodreader. all rights reserved, 2024.

tips — $mooninfall on cashapp. readings are open.

[mrmiserymushroom]

my “theory”/point of view about Blitzø and his feelings

Recently, I made a post with some drawn panels where I kinda give my opinion about what the fuck is going on inside blitzø’s head. Yet, I still felt like posting the entire thing and explain it with more details. Not sure if this is qualified as a theory (since I feel like it’s too obvious/just a headcanon) but it’s still a speculation. No need to read this if you don't care, I just want to post it somewhere :]

FIRST THINGS FIRST! I know Stolitz is made to be canon. And I know, at one point, it's expected that Blitzø will confess his feelings and all of that. Everyone knows that soon he will realize he may not dislike Stolas at all and find out he, actually, is in love.

this will be a post trying to prove that this is not entirely true. Blitzø already knows that he is in love with Stolas and that he dug himself a grave from the start of their relationship. I'll be trying to prove that, in every episode, he is trying to supress these feelings to himself and the others around him, and even perhaps fell in love in the very beginning, way before Stolas fell for him.

About his personality, we know Blitzø always try to act kinda tough when it comes to himself, but with the ones he loves, he never hesited to show how much he cares and appreciates them, even going out of his way to protect them at all costs. And he does that since he was little. As shown in S2E1 - The Circus, he tries to act unbothered and confident with the lack of entushiasm from the audience, but follows every single one of his father's orders, even when he is not okay at all with the idea, to rob the Goetia castle, just so he can help his mom out.

Still in The Circus, we can pretty much assume his relationship with his father isn't very good from what we've been shown. On the flashback we get in S2E6 - OOPS, we can see Cash giving Fizzarolli a gift card with the phrase "Wish You Were My Son". Blitzø also lived being reminded, everytime he needed to perfom, of the fact he was far to be the circus favorite, never getting the crowd's love and applauses. Even so his dad did not care at all if he was going to be there to perform or not when Paimon asked to get him to spend time with Stolas on his birthday. All of this can give us the idea that he grew up to be insecure about himself, his self-worth and feeling love starved. that's when Fizzarolli enter the scene.

Fizzarolli was his first love. They were best friends since they were little kids and always got along very well. Even though, it's safe to assume Blitzø was, somewhat, jealous from all the love and attention Fizz got from the audience. making him carry a hidden envy. However, he never failed to be supportive of Fizz. praising him, trying to boost his confidence, giving him support, etc. Being there for the ones he loves, despite of how he feels is just how he is. But, still, this envy was growing inside of him since he was a child. Reinforcing the feeling of being unworthy and inferior compared to others. It wasn't just about wanting to be loved by the spectators, but it turned into a feeling of "everyone loves him and everyone hates me. I'm inferior"

and that is something pretty evident on his character. He always thought that he was inferior to Fizz and that he probably didn't deserve him. that his best friend needed someone better. I guess they've already made out a few times but it never went beyond that (since in S2E6 - OOPS, Blitzø mentions something about having tied up Fizzarolli several times before), yet, it was still stuck with him. That's what held him back and made him change his mind about giving the love letter to Fizz's on his birthday.

After that, we all know what happened. The incident took place and he lost all the most important people in his life. His mother died, his sister now hates him and Fizz got severely injured, besides "not wanting to talk to him again". With all the past trauma worsen, now he got a new one: abandonment issues.

Also, there was a time he dated Verosika, but she claims that she was the only one putting effort in the relationship, and now she despises him as well. Blitzø was probably still very affected by everything and was afraid of being envolved with someone and being abandoned again. Verosika was also a pop star, maybe making Blitzø feel like the inferior one again (but I imagine Verosika wasn't such a perfect girlfriend either).

With the passing of time, Blitzø started looking for help, got (slightly) better and created his own business. He adopted Loona, met Millie and then Moxxie. We can see he considers them as his found family. He is grateful for them (even if he doesn't verbalize it) and never fails to show how he is affectionate, even being a little invasive and annoying. It only shows more and more that he's a very sensitive and loving person. Always trying his best to protect, prioritize and take care of his new "family". He can go and insult Moxxie as much as he wants, scream at them, invade their personal lives, but, on the end of the day, he can't help but show how he feels towards people who are dear to him. So much so, it's even hard sometimes to hide it.

With all that in mind, now we can finally talk about how he feels about Stolas and why I think what I think.

Starting with the day he went to take the Grimoire from Stolas. His plan was to use spells to create portals to the living realm so he could get on his business with humans instead of demons. He was going to trick the prince and then get away with the book. Until Stolas let out how much he crave for that kind of passion and how much it means to him that the one that is making this happen is his only ever friend.

As i said before, Blitzø is a sensitive guy, So when the royal boy reveals all of that emotional stuff, Blitzø ends up feeling a bit of empathy and give in, telling himself that this is going to be quick.

In the end, he liked it way more than he expected and spent the whole night with the prince, only leaving by the morning. And in that night, he felt something he never felt before. Maybe it was a deep connection or maybe they were a really good casual match, it does not really matter. What matters is that he felt something really strong.

He secretly enjoyed it everytime and tried to convince himself it was just business and wasn't attracted to Stolas whatsoever. He feels more like himself and "free" when by his presence, as later implied in Truth Seekers, yet he does not want to get this feeling ahold of him. But he is still love-starved and so very emotional, of course this is going to dominate him whole as he spends more and more time with Stolas. And it eventually hits him hard.

Now, in S1E6 - Truth Seekers, we get a glimpse of Blitzø 's mind. Seeing how messed up his head is. He sees himself as a dirty clown, still tied up with memories about his past at the circus. He's tormented by everyone who is/have been related to him in some way, and his surroundings keeps getting messier and crazier as this goes on. It also address his trauma of being abandoned and left behind, as well as we get to know he does not really knows what he's doing half of the time. It all takes another turn when Stolas appears. Suddenly, things are not messed up and haunting him anymore. His appearence goes from the circus clown to his currently form, the form after he got his shit together once again and is trying to make a new turn in his life. He is wearing his work clothes and is not dirty.

Stolas is sitting in a throne at the top of a golden staircase, looking at him like he's just a plaything, representing how Blitzø feels inferior compared to Stolas (just like he felt with Fizzarolli). Then, he gets handcuffed of his wrists and neck, which Stolas is pulling by the chains. In the end, Blitzø make a expression like he is trying to endure something. Maybe the feeling that he likes Stolas, but can't do anything about that, since they are just business fuckbuddies and have to accept thing the way they are? Besides him being a inferior imp and a prince would never take him romantically? i dunno :P

In my opinion, this shows how Blitzø sees the world before and after Stolas, how he feels like a new person and in his bestform when he's with him. nothing feels messed up anmore and he is, in a way, safe from what's tormenting him. However, this also shows how Blitzø believes this is all one-sided and he is being stupid for falling in Stolas game, that he clearly is just a toy and this feeling shouldn't get ahead of him. He is just an imp and is the only one who can be easily hurt. He should've known better than this. Stolas is a Goetia. Above overlords, he is unattainable.

Still in the same episode, before they are saved by Stolas, Blitzø get in front of his "family" to protect them. As stated before, he gives everything to protect who he loves and I imagine how out of his mind he would be if he couldn't be there to save them. This will come in handy later.

When he comes to rescue him and his employees, he is surprised and admired about all of that. Thinking how amazing the prince is, reinforcing the image of a untouchable and powerful he has of the prince.

On S1E7 - Ozzie's, at the ending of the episode, while he is deeply hurt, Blitzø starts pointing fingers and makes it clear that their relationship is just about sex, and then, he says:

What gets me is that he doesn't say "it's about ME fucking YOU", he says "it's about YOU WANTING ME to fuck YOU", throwing all the situationship's wheight on Stolas side. Again, Blitzø thoughts Stolas only sees him as a sex toy and the emotional part is only Blitzø-sided. He is in love with Stolas already and reminding himself (and Stolas) what their relationship really is only hurts him more. He feels used and feels like at any time will be thrown away, that's why he tries his best to deny what he feels.

Then we have the picture on his phone. I don't think this is the latest pic on his gallery, I just think he had opened it before to find a random picture and came across this one. It might've got him right in the guts and he forgot to close the app.

We are now on S2E4 - Western Energy, where Stolas get kidnaped and Blitzø can't be there to save him, since he needs to take care of his daughter first. When he realizes Stolas, someone already dear to him, even if it's is a secret, really is in danger and there's nothing he can do about, he loses it. His behavior/expression is very similar to the ones he had in Truth Seekers.

In the end of the episode, he realizes Stolas maybe is not that unattainable as he thought so before.

Finally, in S2E6 - OOPS, when he and Fizzarolli are stuck together, they start arguing until the subject lands on Stolas. Blitzø seems, again, to be visually upset reminding him and others that he and Stolas has nothing beyong business and casual encounters and that royal demons are far above dating imps like him or Fizz.

He claims Stolas is only thrilled by the sex with a peasant, he trully believes all of the love and attention he is gave is merely manipulation. Even if he would like to believe otherwise, he can't risk being hurt and left behind because of a dumb choice. He would also be putting his job at risk with that. He tries to deny it to everyone, even to himself. Treating Stolas coldly or giving him the "I don't care" treatment would be a defense mechanism as well. harsh and kinda stupid, but that's just Blitzø.

He just doesn't wants to feel hurt and left in the cold again, so he just accepts his relationship with Stolas the way it is, but he also knows he was stupid for falling for him, all because the prince's sweet behavior is all just a fabricated "lie". If he decides speaks up, he fears he will be abandoned again. And even so, laughed at for falling in love when it's just "a silly roleplay". He wants to just throw this feeling away, but he can't help but feels what he feels.

This is it! I may or may not have made any sense. Sorry for any grammar mistakes or if it looked like my brain melted in the middle of the paragraph. perhaps I'll just save this in drafts just so I can have it written down without having to show it to anyone. If you read it 'till this point, please feel free to tell me what you think or whatever :}

[leclercskiesahead]

sorry but the way you spread so much misinformation about Charles is beyond embarrassing & proves your bitterness towards him being in the position that he is in vs the position that Carlos is in - and I’m saying that as a fan of both who actually prefers Carlos. 

I love coming on F1 tumblr to see the different opinions that people have but this particular thing that you said is ridiculous. Firstly, clearly it is you who can’t handle the realities of F1 because the reality is that NO DRIVER enjoys their teammate winning over them including Carlos. This is one of the fundamental parts of F1 —your teammate is your biggest rival. Who would want their rival to beat them? 

Secondly, to say that CHARLES LECLERC of all people can’t handle the realities of F1 just proves how little you know about him and his mentality. If there is anyone who knows the realities of the sport, it’s Charles. He’s been a first hand witness of the dangers and consequences of F1. The sport has taken his godfather and his good friend, and yet Charles keeps going. Do you know how easy it would have been for him to stop racing after going through that reality? This is the same driver who had a reputation for being unlucky because of the things that has happened to him — a lot of them being out of his control, and yet he has never let those situations get him down. Charles is one of the most mentally strong drivers on the grid.

Charles has stated MANY times that he doesn’t care for any position other than first, and so in relation to your bio “disowned Charles he can come back when he learns not to be a whiny brat”, if you consider him not being thrilled for Carlos a “whiny brat” then you might as well remove him from your user etc. cause he has never been happy for anyone wins other than his own, and that’s a quality found in all great F1 drivers. If you think that Carlos is supposed to be an exception, then that is on you and you are gravely mistaken.

But that’s the thing - if he is so mentally strong there is no reason for Singapore to be so hurtful. It seems he gets affected by racing much more than he thinks.

If you read my posts you would’ve have seen I said it’s normal to be disappointed but part of the reality of F1 is sometimes you have to play second fiddle (unless you are peak Schumacher or peak Hamilton) and he evidently struggled to accept that to the point that he was especially hurt by that one race. Not just regular disappointment at not being first.

Btw, the whiny brat subheader has preceded his coach’s interview by a few months.

[mylittleredgirl]

when that post went around about inherited junk (rags, etc) i didn’t mention:

1. this scrap of cardboard that used to be part of a kleenex box that my mother wrote “for bugs!” on and kept near a tiny glass, which i use to remove insects from the house to this day

i have an esoteric belief that we leave a little trail of love in our handwriting, so i usually keep things with her writing on them until they’re no longer usable. which brings us to:

2. the methuselah gloves. i don’t know what kind of strange sorcery magic is going on here, but i feel like it’s important for this story to know that my mother has been dead for 9 years and this is not the result of a last wish or blessing from beyond the grave, because the glove mystery was already in action before then.

the brand name isn’t visible but my best guess based on comparing it to current versions in stores is that they are mr. clean non-latex gloves, purchases no later than 2011. i use that date because i moved home in 2013, at which point my mom was already like “hey, funny thing happening here. check out these bleach gloves that somehow haven’t worn out in a really long time. let’s run an experiment to see how long they last!”

in this house, rubber gloves start as dish gloves, then as they get grody, they become general cleaning gloves, then bathroom cleaning/“bleach gloves.” at that point my mom would write on them in sharpie something like:

so that we wouldn’t make a very gross mistake. and then they would wear out pretty fast, because of the bleach.

but the experiment continues! my mom used them to clean weekly. i INHERITED them. i have used them to clean with hot water and bleach for almost a decade. i have gone through DOZENS of dish gloves in that time and they usually break before they can even graduate to using any chemicals stronger than dish soap. the methuselah gloves are too big so not that enjoyable to use (them not being skin-tight i’m sure helps with longevity), but i can’t replace them because they’re accidentally an heirloom now.

[moonspirit]

ok this has nothing to do with vbeow I swear🤣🤣

so like what if armin and annie get into a huge fight right (whatever it may be) but it’s big enough for them to start giving each other the silent treatment, facing away from eachother in bed etc.

See while armin is taking time to cool down in the coming days, Annie does not bc that woman is a grudge holder! She will hold grudges to the grave if she could!!! (Ex see when she’s probing armin about how he captured her and instigating in the middle of battle bahaha )

she’s even so mad…. that she’s not even horni (GASP)!!!

but you know who is… 😏😏😏 Mr Arlert ,himself !

it’s not intentional in the way of like “oh let’s have sex so we can makeup”, it started gradually as the days passed and her silent treatment hadn’t let up at all like his had. With Annie being even more frigid than usual, all he can do is watch her and THATS precisely what started horni.

Because while she sits combing her hair for the night, he can’t help how his eyes all but follow the fallen strap of her nightgown that slides off her shoulder bit by bit. Just resting on her tricep as the fabric almost teases him of showing him the holy land but never fully slipping off. Or when she’s serving him coffee (begrudgingly) in his office and he catches a whiff of her perfume that he hasn’t had the pleasure of smelling in days. Or when she’s brushed up beside him, her warm chest pressed against his arm bc there’s not enough room for all the ambassadors to go down the elevator comfortably . Or when she reaches for a pen after a meeting when everyone’s gone and it’s just the two of them, she’s stretching out to the other side of the table, arching her back to just reach it because she’s lazy to walk to the other side and he’s just losing it !!!! Etc etc!!

She’s not even aware she’s doing any of this btw she’s just mad af the whole time 😭

so like one day they just come home and he just “I’m sorry I was wrong, please sit on my face!” Lmao

......... I think.... we underestimate the potential of Horny!Armin in this fandom xD

Honestly tho, Aruani are each other's Vitamins C and D and going too long without either is DANGEROUS to their health. Neither of them functions normally beyond a certain point! Each just becomes sadder and angrier and moodier and desperaterererer until drastic measures have to be taken to ensure their survival of these two rare species 🥲

That said... I wonder exactly what Armin did to make her so mad she doesn't even get horni. BOY, just HOW BAD DID YOU FUCK UP?????!!!!

I think post-canon Armin gets quite used to the frequency of Annie's touch (because of how horni she is ofc) that... being actively deprived of it would actually do quite some serious damage to him XD Suddenly she's being a tease with the way she pulls on her clothes without even intending to!!! Her neck is too clean - there's been no hickeys on them for a week!!! She isn't doing his ties! She isn't combing through his hair! He hasn't pulled down the zipper of her skirt in three days??!!!

MALNUTRITION!

Though Annie is also just effortlessly sexy like that and he cannot find the patience or decency to be a gentleman for too long.

... But most importantly... he is one hell of a SAD gentleman 🥲

So the moment he gets the chance, he's kneeling before her like she's god and going:

“I’m sorry I was wrong, please sit on my face!”

[tansyuduri]

Merlin Loregasm Rewatch S1E3

Hi Everyone! Welcome to my rewatch of Merlin focusing on the lore. I am a giant nerd so pretty excited about this. THE MARK OF NIMUEH!

Gaius saying that people must not see this and they would panic is likley NOT just because this looks magical as hell. See we know from later episodes that while Gaius has mastered herb lore for many ailments and injuries and anatomy as well (This is also important as it also hints that Christianity has not spread and thus it being forbidden to cut up human bodies to learn how they work is not a thing.) He and thus likly Camalot in general still base medicine on the Humors System.

This system attributed most illness to an imbalance of the four bodily fluids or humors. (Worth looking up if you wanna know more) NOW since in the system everyone has a diferant balance of humors it could explain individual illnesses A LOT BETTER than many plagues (Why would everyone suddenly have the same imbalance of the Humors) This would usually lead to the idea that an individual's chance to get or die from the plage was due to preestablished susceptibility to the plague (explained later) Or the heavens being angry. WHY PLAUGE HAPPENS usually was attributed to Miasma (explained later in post) or the heavens being angry. AND YOU DON'T WANT PEOPLE THINKING THE HEAVENS ARE ANGRY.

Gaius is VERY ahead of his time in medicine by thinking that illness could be spread though air, food, or water later on. It hints that despite the humors system being in use medical understanding is more advanced in Camalot then it was most of the medieval ages. This is very possibly due to the fact that despite killing sorcerers (Or perhaps Gaius being an exception because he learned pre purge.)

Old pagan knowledge of herbs had not been crushed. AND what's more no one was going around murdering regular herbalists ETC suspecting they were evil magic users, Mostly because they had REAL magic users to hunt. Still the spread by water air or food we see mentioned later is WAY Ahead of its time.

Okay Gwen giving her father smoked pigeon as a seeminly every day meal perhaps continues my conept of Gwens father being a HIGHLY skilled blacksmith that serves the knights.

Meat was a rarity for the medieval commoner (We see this a lot in what Gaius and Merlin eat reguarly. Meat is a treat for them.) Pigeons were likely not eaten widely as anything but wild meat until the Norman period. Which means someone had to hunt and kill that bird. Which means this meat was bought or traded for. Which means Gwens family had the money for treats beyond the bare essentials (If we ignore history due to the show's anachronism we still have to compare this to Giaus and Merlin's usual food. (I know they talk about dresses later when he gets a really good job but we'll talk about that then. I'm also assuming this is everyday fare for them based on how they act.)

Okay its time to talk about how Gaius and Merlin talk about disease spreading through water or contact or food is HUGELY Advanced for its time. See from the forth centery BCE to the early 1800s CE Disease was a result of the humors, The anger of the Heavens, or Miasma (bad air emitting from rotten organic matter or other things.) This means that despite humorism being the main theory there is SOME understanding in the Merlin world that disease can be spread many ways. I really don't think they have germ theory though so I think they are just more advanced.

"He's got a grave Mental disease" AHHHH OKAY! So this means the Merlin world has a concept of Mental illness and that it's different from regular body illnesses. And this knowlage is common. Again this is HUGLY advanced for the time. So Humorism is the main theory! BUT They have concepts like infection, Mental illness, and an understanding disease can come from many places. All I can think is that this comes from having Magic in the world. And being able to actually study Anatomy. The people of the Merlin world understand the world better than most because they have more tools to study the world.

Okay so I love how Merlin plays fast and loose with magical creatures. (Especially because I can too writing my Merlin fics) I think the Afanc might be based PARTLY on the folklore Afanc but also had a bit of the Jewish Gollum in it with the born of clay thing. ANYHOW The Afanc is a creature from Welsh Mythology Its a lake monster that most closely resembles a crocadile, beaver, dwarf. It prayed on swimmers mostly or people who fell in water. There is a lot more but it is interesting that some Legends say King Arthur killed it!

Okay! So! see this candle!? This was a historical early method of keeping time. Each mark would be about an hour and as the candle burned down one would know the hours had passed! OPnce gunpower showed up they would sometimes put a bit in each hour as an alarm of sorts! I don't think this is a Gunpowder version!

So yeah this came from greek philosophy and was a thing for most of european history. The elements Water, Fire, Earth, and Air. were viewed as the building blocks of the world. Originaly air was viewed as Aether and filled the world in the absence of the other three. But in the Merlin world it is definitely Air as it's is later called wind. (Aether later came to represent heaven or the spirit as a 5th element)

These also related to Humorism discused before

Saying The Afanc born of earth and water can be killed with fire and air is one of two times the four elements get brought up in relation to magic in the series. (The other refers to a healing charm.)

Most other sorcerer created creatures we see can just be killed with fire and are not specifically corresponded to any element. This leads to the idea that this is kinda a rare thing. WHAT I do find interesting is that we KNOW the four elements correspond to certain types of healing in the Merlin universe (like I said other mention refers to a healing charm) And the Afanc is spreading magical disease. THAT might be why the elements are mentioned only here when it comes to magic-created creatures.

I find the wording here realy interesting because it talks about mirroring the spirit of life, not creating it. I'll have to contrast it with later talk about the spirit of life and death but this kinda implies even anciant sorcerers on their own can only MIRROR life not create it. Its not real life they make. Even Merlin's spell to create a butterfly at the end of the show means "to work, shape, bring into being or form" according to @catsconflictscopicsandchamomile My old English studying friend! (it is also used in OE translations of Genisis to mean make a life so it could mean Merlin is creating life and mirroring god, but if he could do that why not just bring Arthur back) SO it is likely this holds fast to the rule life cannot just be created!

HOLD ON. Is he just referring to Arthur's birth? It could just be Arthur's birth and his efforts through the purge, or has Nimueh pulled evil magic on Camelot post purge before?

[leiascully]

“I wish you would write a fic where…” — Scully is pregnant with (or has already had) baby 2, and Diana is somehow not dead & she comes back into the XF…. Set in either IWTB era (Mulder’s depression) or post s11 (the fall out of CSM and Jackson etc)

1/2

Here you go!

Scully’s in the office looking at pictures of baby Joy on her phone when she hears the knock. It takes her a moment to look up. Joy’s only been in daycare a few weeks, and the only person who ever knocks is Skinner. Instead, when she looks up, there’s a tall woman with an elegant grey chignon and a chic suit with a visitor’s pass clipped to the lapel. Scully’s breath catches in her throat. But it’s not Teena Mulder - it doesn’t even really look like her. There’s just something about the aura she brings that carries that same scent of graceful suffering, like a vintage perfume that’s spoiled somehow.

“Diana,” she says evenly. “Or is it Agent Fowley?”

“Hello, Agent Scully.” Diana gestures to a chair. “May I sit?”

“Be my guest.” Scully sets her phone on the desk, face up. Diana would know she’s recording their conversation. They’ve both learned to keep track of the evidence.

Diana glances at her screen. “She’s a lovely child.”

“Thank you,” Scully says without flinching. “She’s our little miracle.”

“Yes,” Diana says, “somehow they do find their way to you, these miracles. But I suppose you deserve them, after all you’ve endured.”

“Is it Agent Fowley?” Scully presses.

Diana demurs, sweeping away the idea with one hand before it returns to clasp around her crossed knees. “Fox might have returned from the grave to his former employment, but I had no wish to rejoin the FBI’s ranks.”

Scully smiles faintly. “That was a long time ago.”

“Another lifetime,” Diana says. There’s a glint in her eyes, a tension around her lips. Scully doesn’t respond to the jab.

“How can I help you, Diana?” She picks up a pen. “Assistant Director Skinner assured me they’ve upgraded the fire mitigation system, by the way.”

Diana doesn’t react. She seems to be thinking. “I suppose I came to talk to you,” she says at last.

“To me?” Scully tilts her head. “I’m not sure exactly what you think we have to say to each other.” She stares at Diana for a long moment, sifting through the memories. It’s been so long. Another lifetime indeed.

She remembers her last encounter with Diana, the oblique contact, the fear, the rage, the genuine sorrow. “I do owe you a thank you. You’re the one who left the envelope with information about where they’d taken Mulder.”

Diana stirs, as if she’s come back from the depths of her own mind. “Whatever you think of me, Agent Scully, I never wanted either one of you to die.”

Scully smiles, just a little. “Likewise.”

“I believed in the mission,” Diana tells her. “I believed it would save us all. I knew I was working for men in over their heads, but I didn’t see another way.”

“I know,” Scully says, and she does. She does, now that the world didn’t end. Now that the black oil has receded and the shapeshifters have vanished, now that the supersoldier project has been decomissioned, she understands the things Diana did, and why. She will never understand the rest, but she has that.

“I’m sorry for my part in what they did to you. But I wouldn’t change the choices I made.” Diana nods toward Scully’s phone. “For what it’s worth, I’m glad you got your miracle.”

“Thank you,” Scully says, and she means it.

They gaze at each other, blue eyes and brown. At last they have taken the true measure of each other, and neither is found wanting. The betrayals of their younger years are old scars now. There isn’t any pain there. It almost doesn’t matter who was right and who was wrong. They moved through different worlds. Of course their paths diverged. Scully, who has loved Mulder and lost him and fought her way back to him a hundred times, understands the urge to reach for him.

Beyond this moment, she knows they will never see eye to eye. She knows Diana knows it too. This is the peace soldiers only find in the middle of the battlefield, when the war is over.

“Thank you,” says Diana.

“For what?” Scully is startled.

“For standing up to the Syndicate, at great personal cost. If their mission was just, their methods were not. Spender’s least of all.”

“Jeffrey came back, you know,” Scully says.

“Yes. He always had too strong a sense of justice to stomach the work.” Diana leans forward just a little. “Thank you for taking care of him.” She doesn’t mean Jeffrey Spender.

“You’re welcome.” Scully’s voice is steady, somehow.

“I can’t say I was deceived,” Diana tells her. “I went into the work with my eyes open. But the world shifted. The plans changed. Whether I couldn’t keep up or I didn’t want to is irrelevant. I wasn’t given the choice.”

“You were a pawn to them,” Scully says.

Diana inclines her head with a economy of motion Scully can’t help but admire. It’s neither agreement nor disagreement, just an acknowledgment of Scully’s own truths. “Well. I’m not any longer.”

“Good,” Scully says.

Diana uncrosses her legs and stands up. “There’s no need to tell Fox I was here.”

“I assumed you came to see him.”

Diana tilts her head and smiles. “No, Agent Scully. My unfinished business was with you.”

They don’t shake hands. Scully watches Diana leave. She taps her phone to stop the recording and then cups her chin in her hand, staring into space. She wonders if Diana will be on the security footage. She wonders if anything has gone missing in the last hour or two. Maybe respect can look like paranoia. Maybe the past can’t be entirely overwritten, but the book can be closed. Maybe this is what peace feels like when a ghost is laid to rest.

Mulder comes in half an hour later and finds her still thinking. He sets a coffee down on the desk in front of her.

“Missing our pride and Joy?” he asks.

“Hmm?” Scully says. “Of course.” She comes back to herself and shuffles the papers on her desk.

“What were you up to all morning?” he asks, settling into a chair with the lazy grace he’s never lost.

“Oh, talking with an old friend,” she says, and it hews close enough to the truth.

[doodle-do-wop]

Rayni (open discussion post)

as some of you may have heard/seen I am Rayni Aria's biggest goddamn hater

I can't stand her ass

I recently read/listened through Stellarlune for the first time and I hated her the moment I met her. Yes I know the ending of Legacy, I know how it all flows

But I Still can't stand her

Why? Because she is a literal blob of nothingness on the page

Spoilers for Stellarlune

Rayni Aria is a character who was once the Neverseen member Glimmer (dumbass name btw) who, allegedly was involved with none of the Neverseen's major plots so far; The Kidnapping of Sophie and Dex, their torture, jumping Sophie, Keefe, and Silveny in Exile, Mt Everest, the gnomes etc etc etc

Allegedly she's had zero part in any of that because they just stick her in a corner and even when Gisela was overthrown she still didn't do diddly squat, she just read medical books. Sure. Okay

Her life previous to joining terrorists willingly was she was just a normal girl with a normal life until people started to whisper speculations about her parents' relationship not being all of what it says on the tin. Her parents are found guilty of messing with the match system to be together and avoid a Bad Match status and are made an example of by banishment But Rayni isn't banished with them as instead her parents leave her with a note and are never heard from again Rayni drops out of Foxfire and lives in a rented room in Mysterium until Gisela finds her and tell her to quit her unemployment and join her emo band Cool, alright. Mid and extremely questionable loyalties. So you'll just go with whoever reaches out their hand first. Good to know

Beyond her frankly uninteresting backstory Rayni's personality is the exact same cookie cutter cardboard cutout mean girl leave no coughed insults unspoke persona that is so old and over used I think Shannon might've actually managed to resuscitate this dead horse. Rayni whines and bitches about how 'no one will trust her' but does absolutely nothing to win herself any favors. Instead she seems more than chipper to keep digging at her own grave so why dont we just drop this whole pointless scene and let her keep on going at it She's boring. She's bland. She's lame. And don't get me started on the weird cat lamp thing I don't know if Shannon was going for 'oh look she likes cats' or 'boo hoo she's so broken and jaded an this lamp is the one thing that lights up her dark dark soul'.

Rayni is weird, her vibes are just so off and so lack luster. Her depth is so shallow I couldn't even soak up a puddle of it with a napkin.

What's the point of bring in a bad guy now good guy/anti hero if all they do is snark in the corner, pet a cat statue, watch the protagonist do jack diddly squat and be like "oh yeah, you're a leader now" girl what??? That entire scene where Rayni unmasks herself was so boring if I cut out the only other emotion I felt while listening which was annoyance. I listened and live reacted to it on discord with some friends as my witness and what even was that scene? Tam is supposedly the one holding the talking stick in the group I guess just because he and Rayni are just such good buds so obviously he should take point (cause no one thinks he's brainwashed) and the entire time Rayni bicthes and moans about how no one trusts her (girl you're wearing a stinky, smelly, raggedy terrorist hood. You couldn't ask to trade it for a less stinky less terrorist embroidered one?) and while yeah people poke holes at her and take small jabs Rayni really seems gung ho with tossing playground responses with 14-16 year olds at her grown ass age. She's one year younger than Wyile and while young adults in their 19/20s arent mature at all it is CRAZY to me that she bitches about no one trusting her and then turns and calls Fitz Sophie's "telepath back-up" I believe the correct quote is "You're basically Sophie's telepath backup" and this is said to Fitz and that was just the most absurd thing I've ever fucking heard spoken by Gisela's fucking lapdog. Fitz is done so dirty in this book and Rayni basically calls Fitz a "backup" like he's a damn battery or some waterboy Sophie only needs to use like an object. The worst part isn't that its the bad guy's lapdog with questionable loyalties that says this. Its the fact that no one stood up for Fitz. No one said anything. And Sophie fucking laughed. She laughed at that. And Fitz is the only one to blame for their fucked up cognate bond, sure. (Biana, FITZ'S FUCKING SISTER also says and does nothing because Biana is just a little poster Shannon sticks on the wall this whole book)

And not to mention that whole bit with Rayni constantly comparing her and Stina as if they're different faces on the same coin. Like you can't sit there in your terrorist onesie and look someone in the face and be like "Yeah your life is gonna be just like mine. Just you wait. It's coming for you. And then, yeah, you'll be just like me. Huff Huff" and then get mad when she doesn't like you in the slightest. Like yeah, I just love sitting in the same room as someone who tells me my life has a timer on my happy days because we're totes twinsies. Shannon should've let Stina punch Rayni because if this snarky little bug really wanted some damn allies wouldn't she want Stina on her side? You know, the most outspoken nay sayer in all of the Lost Cities? If you're gonna bring up your little Gisela Mini-Me act get good Circus-Circus.

If I wanna like Rayni I need more depth than Miss Hardknock Life over here who gets her kicks out of throwing tantrums when people dont trust her while she wears a terrorist hood and gets her kicks out of replying to every petty response.

If I could, I'd rewrite that whole scene because I genuinely love big groups in books and it would be fun to see a diverse group personality wise instead of the same 'bad bitch' boring outline. I can't believe Rayni's 'tough' personality is a facade because she's not just tough to trust. She's tough to want in any way shape or form She's not Heather Chandler, She's not even Heather Duke, she could never even dream of being Regina Georgie. She's so 2D she flies away with a tiny sigh. The whole book could've honestly been the exact same without Rayni around. Erase her and simply have Trix reach out on his own or something and you still have the Esilyum plot intact. Rayni was just there to make a page count for nothing of any great importance.

That's just what I think of Rayni. She annoys, bores, and pisses me off. She's like the physical embodiment of an Instagram comment section. If yall want, please tell me what you think about her because I genuinely want to know what makes her even the slightest bit interesting to any of you. I like headcanons and I can be convince to take a lot of them. Will my opinion on canon Rayni change? Who knows man

[callofdudes]

He's been on my mind ❤️ just some little ideas for Rodolfo (Alejandro gets thrown in too let's be honest.)

I love the headcanon I have for Rodolfo (other people also might think this I'm not sure.) But he's small and quiet and doesn't do a lot to make himself known. Personally, Alejandro and him are a fucking UNIT on the field. In any sense.

But my all time headcanon for Rodolfo is when he gets pissed, he gets downright demonic. Like this little man is so calm but if you hurt Alejandro or someone very close to him everyone is going to be questioning what possessed him.

I think if would be funny if instead of going into hiding, when Rudy heard Alejandro was kidnapped he just went off. Screaming Graves out in Spanish from the safehouse. He'd throw things and get absolutely pissed off.

And I know he's more passive aggressive too. Like of they're in a bar and someone is hitting on Alejandro he'd just casually lean over like, "I know you think you're doing good. But you should probably stop." And said other person is all chill because who the fuck is this tiny little thing? "It's ok, I'm not afraid of him."

Alejandro's just chuckling like, "I'm not the one threatening you hermano." (Saw the dialogue on another post and thought it fit them.)

Rodolfo is a family man 100%. He cooks for guests and although Alejandro can also cook he'd much rather kick him out to hang with his friends.

Being a family man, like I said, if you touch, threaten or do anything in-between to his family (close friends, Alejandro etc.) He'll rip your spine out before you know what's happening.

As the smallest of their group he can 100% sneak up on you. Alejandro is much bigger so when they go on covert missions Rodolfo is the ideal man for the job. And just because he's small and a bit shy doesn't me he can't rip you a new one. (Look at König, he's got more height but is also very shy and just as brutal.)

I wouldn't call if social anxiety, but he's very shy and when Alejandro teases him in public, Spanish or not, he gets flustered. He won't admit that sometimes he likes it though. Getting pushed against the wall and whispered things whole their friends are right there on the other side. It scares him right into submission which excites both him and Alejandro.

Can dance.

If you manage to see him dance or he opens up and dances around you he will refuse to elaborate why he can dance.

Designated driver most of the time. But there was one time Price offered to drive to let Rodolfo get shit-faced drunk. At this point he just started throwing it down on the dancefloor with Alejandro. He will dance anything I'd he's drunk.

I just want to see art or writing about Alejandro and Rudy dancing. (Slow, fast, sex- I don't care)

Anyway.

I think that after Rodolfo gets to know Ghost they actually become friends. Ghost is stoic and a bit scary even still to Rodolfo, but he's seen the man under the mask and gotten to know him enough to not shiver in his boots. And I think Ghost finds Rudy's soft-spoken personality a nice break from Johnny.

Alejandro is a simp.

This isn't about him but I can see Rodolfo coming back from an undercover mission with blood all over him and callouses from crawling in the dirt of something. Alejandro wants to make sure he's ok but he also thinks it's SO HOT.

Unlike probably some of the recruits back at the main base for 141 Los Vaqueros don't try to piss the colonel or his sergeant off. They have a very high respect for both and I can only see a few newbies trying anything beyond typical Mexican humor.

If you've played the game, there is this one move where if a person from the opposing team is laying down, you can get behind them and sneak your hands around their throat. You then proceed to jerk your knife back into the jugular. Yeah.

Rodolfo is more about stealth I feel. Although he can go loud, it's much easier for him to focus taking out targets one by one rather than frantically shooting bullets everywhere.

Rodolfo observes everything, therefore has more intel on Alejandro, his team and everyone else combined. He will use this to his advantage in small ways. If he notices Alejandro gets "excited" about a certain thing he does he will make a point to do it more often. Subtly though.

Absolutely will not big spoon. You either hold him close like he's you're whole world or you get the couch. Alejandro thankfully has not had the displeasure of having this interaction.

Both Rudy and Alejandro run warm so they often end up sleeping with whatever little clothing they can. In the winter they bundle up like two peas of the same pod.

Alejandro can handle more alcohol than could kill a man. Rudy gets maybe seven drinks in before he can't figure out what's the ceiling and the floor.

Dutch blitz. He will win.

Unlike with Ghost, Rodolfo gets used to being around Johnny easily. He's like a happier version of Alejandro. So Johnny is a bit more tolerant.

I don't know if he was an only child or not but I'd like to think he was in charge of a lot of stuff in his house, (fucked up or not) so stuff like piling paperwork barely bothers him.

Can sit still for hours. Might need something like a pen to bounce between his fingers though. If it's a meeting he will not move until if is over.

Well, that's all I have for now. But this was me feeding myself more Rodolfo. He's been on my mind and while I like shy Rodolfo I can't help but want more badassery out of this boy. If Alejandro got kidnapped and Rudy lost his cool and started out on a killing spree of Graves' men I would have taken that too.

[rwrbficrecs]

Halloween Rec List Part 1 🎃👻

Here's the first part of the Halloween recs! Part 2 will be posted late November to cover all the new fics still coming out @halloweenhuh is currently posting works from their Halloween/Autumn themed fest, so be sure to give them a follow! Here's a link to their collection on AO3 🎃 Fics themed around Halloween and Autumn/Fall vibes 🍂:

but i can count on you to tell me the truth when (i’ve) been drinking and you’re wearing a mask by @anincompletelist

mistaken identities and halloween kisses

Halloween Calamity by @itsthemxze

Alex and Henry throw a Halloween party, but Alex has some strong opinions about Henry’s costume

Leave him Hen, he's a spice hater by greenandmoss

Alex learns to love the Spice Girls because of Henry's thighs

Lost and Found by milowren 

Alex and Henry are coworkers, Henry has a crush, and they end up at a haunted corn maze together a few nights before Halloween. Shenanigans ensue! Plus many horror movie references.

love bites by @coffeecatsme

Alex leaves love bites on Henry's neck right before a public Halloween party. The solution? Vampire costume.

stars by the pocketful by weather_stained

Though Henry opts out of June's Halloween party, Alex makes sure he doesn't spend the holiday alone.

The Last Day of October by ifigo

A reflection on Henry’s relationship with October 31st over the years

This Is Halloween by @bibliothesoph

Their first Halloween in the brownstone goes...not according to plan

Trick or Kiss by @hillerskas

Alex is throwing the Halloween party of the year and can't quite figure out why the Prince of England is haunting his every thought.

Where There Are Octobers by @iboatedhere 

31 Days of October themed FirstPrince prompts

For more spooky vibes! Fics featuring ghosts/vampires/demons/other supernatural & mythical beings etc 👻🧛🏻:

A Love That Haunts the Land by @14carrotghoul (necromancy & other supernatural things) 

Falling in love is the easy part. The supernatural consequences - not so much.

a slightly hysterical vampire fantasy moment by @cinnamoncoffees (vampires)

Alex doesn’t really think Henry is a vampire. He’s just his roommate. Because vampires aren’t real… right?

A Taste of You by @everwitch-magiks (vampires & other supernatural beings)

When Henry lets Alex take him home, he thinks he’s the only one who’s about to reveal his true nature. He’s wrong.

Ghosted by @tintagel-or-cockleshells (ghosts)

the fic where people are ghosts until they're not, dead until proven otherwise, and we take bets on how thin the veil is between the living and the dead.

Got a ticket for two by @clottedcreamfudge (demons)

Henry likes his apartment - he has done since the day he moved in a year ago. His flatmates themselves? Well, they're a little… strange.

(lord, save me) my drug is my baby by @coffeecatsme (vampires)

5 times Alex learns something new about Henry and 1 time Henry learns something new about Alex.

matchmaking from beyond the grave: a guide by arthur fox by @softest-cinnamon-roll (ghosts)

Alex can see the dead. Enter Arthur Fox who really thinks Alex should meet his son, Henry.

Out For A Bite by @everwitch-magiks (vampires)

He's heard whispers of this place, and more importantly of its patrons. He thinks he knows what this man is.

the beagle, the ghost and the wardrobe by @dumbpeachjuice (ghosts)

Henry’s new flat comes with one unexpected feature: it’s already inhabited. But not by a human. By a ghost.

🎃🎃🎃