#pop off little dude
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paul-simon-juggling · 1 year ago
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I think about this often
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chipistrate · 1 year ago
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The Wizards Favorite Apprentice
One more piece before the countdown 2 Ruin, this time featuring my favorite little dude; Gregory(fucked up edition)<3
RBs appreciated!
Also I hope you don't mind the tag but LOOK!!! THE LITTLE DUDE!!!!!!!! @astro-inthestars
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angelbitezzz · 10 months ago
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There was gonna be more but, well, y'know 😒
So last night I got struck by the idea lightning and started spontaneously working on a Mafiafell self insert au because I'm insane. Underfell is already basically my favorite au, and while Mafiafell has it's problems (glances surreptitiously at that one infamous fic and comic) I think it has a lot of potential
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satsuha · 2 years ago
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u know im back on my bullshit
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tanjir0se · 5 months ago
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Hate to say it but we all probably put a lot more thought and effort into the emotional inner workings of Izuku Midoriya and Katsuki Bakugo than the writers did I fear
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sluttyten · 8 months ago
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yall I want TDS3 tickets so badly 😭 but I don't know who to even go with and I'm not going by myself.... but I'm also seriously thinking I'm just gonna go ahead and try to get tickets on friday anyway
#last year i went with my mom and she enjoyed it#but im not entirely sure she wants to go again#and then my best friend doesn't like kpop at all lmao#but I don't know i might be able to get her to go w me but#i dont know how she'll feel about the traveling in chicago by ourselves thing#bc when we last went there together for a concert we were with her ex and he did the driving#so my last option is my brother lol because i asked the other day if he wants to go to chicago#and he did say yes so i told him attendance at the concert is mandatory#kpop is also absolutely not his genre of music#even though he listens to a little bit of a lot of stuff like country and pop and broadway musicals#like dude you'd love the theatrics of kpop and the gaybaiting they do? thats something he might like#and then one of my choices was my moms best friend bc she said after she saw my moms videos of tds2#that she wanted to go see a kpop concert because she loves showmanship so she saw the eras tour and#fell in love so i think she would like kpop. she loved the wrist light things TS did so lightsticks are definitely#something she'd enjoy and the choreography#i really think it's just the language barrier that's preventing my brother and best friend from wanting to go#and the language barrier that keeps my mom and her best friend from probably enjoying the music as much#because my mom loved one direction so a kpop boyband isn't too far off from that#oh also i think my friend will tell me no because i've already turned her down for plans like a week or two before that#because i won't have PTO to use at work because i'll have just gotten back from a vacay that uses i all#and then i'm gonna turn around and take 2 days off for a concert (travel time sucks)
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Me and Big Name Fandumb Straggots petitprincess1 and ayylmao.tv after I call them out on their bullshit and block them, basically...But especially petitprincess1...
Because wasn't the entirety of that movie one big transphobic rape joke basically and she thought using a tacky, "sassy" gif of that Jim Carry bullshit even back in 2020 was a serve?
And yes, this fandumb does sexualize everything but in a very Bad Form, telling, neo nazi simping way kind of way that just dries up all moistness from the cunt when the rest of y'all can't seem to keep the word "degeneracy" out of your cheato dust breathing, incel/femcel mouths even "ironically" and that's why I couldn't bare trying to recommend these shows to any of my actually filthy, fucking John Waters loving queer friends who actually know who he is and actually know how to fuck. Because some of y'all fucked up the vibe so badly, in the Bad, Bad way... And I still (somewhat) blame Ashley Nicholas and her moistphobia for "Trend Setting" all that Bad, bad taste. Still tastes like that sauceless chikn nuggit (so if vivziepop actually made coco melon for tenderqueers... Oop!) Baja Blast flavored Furry Has -Been Tears, cheato dust, transphobia, and bad eggs in here sometimes and honestly if you're not a fanartists with loved ones keeping the vibes alive I'm kind of over it... My literal, crippled hands give me every excuse to write these think pieces while I'm waiting for my fanartist to help me complete and debut my character so I can focus on creating more art for her-- but these abled-bodied nasties have no excuse to be spamming the space with clickbait and gossip blogs regurgitating Medrano's every move on social media while harassing other artists and creators to the point where it just over saturates everything else good in this fandom and I have to turn my replies and everything off because abled bodied mentally ills get so offended when you call them abled bodied mentally ill and then I get an ask insulating I'm going "anti" when the insult was directed towards an anti who was essentially trying to tip my wheelchair over like a cow and block evading and harassing me in the first place-
Oh and let's not forget that I got screamed at, block evaded, harassed some more and called "biphobic" by another alleged bi girl, all for the crime of calling her "honey" but I guess I'm just gate keeping now because no actual queer person would think using a gif from Ace Ventura was an own and I guess that's why we have ayylmao.tv as our Fandumb Overlord and V*rb*l A*e as our Fandumb Mascot because we've learned from the Voluntary Celibates for The Radio Demon how BUNDADDY Ashley Nichols taught y'all during her SMUT SALONS to be too afraid of THE MOIST to go out and Experience some ACTUAL HUMAN CUNT, COCK, AND PUSSY despite being SURROUNDED BY ALL THESE PUSSY CUNT CUNT CARTOON WOMEN AND FURFAGS AND ALL THEIR PUSSY CUNT CUNT DICKS AND VAMPIRIC HENTAI TESTICLES. DRACULA GOT REINCARNATED INTO ALUCARD GOT REINCARNATED INTO A DEER, IN A STORY WITHOUT ALL THE NAZIS, COPS, OR RAPE BECAUSE IT'S WRITTEN BY A QUEER WOMEN, AND Y'ALL LET A STRAIGHT MAN PULLING A BLEEDMAN AND SIMPING NEO NAZI GAMERS BE LIKE: "I dont see why people want to fuck this character at all! UWU" AND THEN Y'ALL LISTENED TO A PEWDIEPIE ENJOYER MAKING A CLICK BAIT FARM OF A QUEER WOMAN'S ART AND YOU LET HIM BECOME THE FACE OF "HELLAVERSE" YOUTUBE MAKING "CONTENT" ABOUT "WORSE" CLICKBAIT BROS LATELY LIKE HE'S SUPPOSED TO BE ELON MUSK KEEPING DONALD TRUMP IN CHECK AND THEN I GUESS PETITPRINCESS1, V*RB*L A*E AND THAT OTHER V-TUBER BITCH I DON'T GIVE ABOUT JUST GET TO SHARE THE ONE KANYE WEST BRAINCELL-- THERE I SAID WHAT I SAID!
But this fandom space and the louder youtube fandumb space in general just makes it feel so unsafe to be a minority sometimes and I'm actually understanding why actual queer women and femmes with queer experiences outside the fandom, including actual kink and leather spaces, just cannot bring themselves to interact with it, or take it seriously as an Iconic Piece of Queer Media, despite Medrano's General Aesthetics and Good Choices being *SO* Objectively Pussy Cunt Cunt Slay! The fucking majority of the time.
Because hey, I can admit it, Medrano's Bad Choices ARE cringe, and her scorned ex crew members and the internet personas that tend to attract her attentions are even more so... And it sort of does bring down the mood a bit. But that's honestly just the consequence of being a young Scene Queen interacting with Fur Fags and Theater Kids the majority of her career so I can give her grace and forgive her.
The song 'Loser Baby' and these shows exist the way they do for a reason and I wouldn't change who Medrano is or her journey that brought her here for the the world.
And much like with Diablo Cody, and Jennifer's Body... First of all, I will be calling out the ableism Medrano lets Rogers write into her show sometimes, AND I'm not saying that Medrano herself has any control over the people marketing her shit, including her merch, or the people spreading misinfo she's sometimes maybe forced to interact with because of the environment that this creates, including incels monopolizing and monetizing anything having to do with her shit for their own gain ... BUT! That doesn't mean that while I suffer here I can't critique Medrano's Wider Fanbase and how it got like this because I do believe this youtube and vivziepaparazzi problem, with certain types of people having nothing better to do than re-posting and commentating on her every word.... All the time... IS a type of unfortunate trickle down by product of Medrano coming of age on the Internet in what was, at the time Metrosexual Scene Kid Fur Fag Central and thus today, because of everything she went through, her and her work can tend to attract another certain kind of lackadaisical person, for lack of a better term, who just does not give a single fuck about anything unless it offends them personally just because it gets "too political UWU" and makes *Insert Political Majority Here* "Uncomfortable" and "We should just all be here to enjoy the animation and sing Jambalaya blah blah blah bc antis bullied us into having a Victim Complex so now every 'Controversy' involving race, ability, gender or sexual orientation unless they're already considered 'degenerate' by cishet white male gamer dudebro standards is Invalid and any actual queer/femme in the fandom serving much more Queerer Pussy Cunt Cunt Looks and Opinions than we're used to by talking to the rest of like we're adults who don't need everything to be a SING-ALONG despite what Jim Carry and Jeff Bezos think? Well, that person MUST just be an Anti taking it too far and out to destroy the Community We Made out of Clickbait because she's being so Mean and Ruuuuuuuude~! UWU"
And honey, I'm just here to give y'all a Reality Check and spill that tea because any queer here is gonna opinions and Tell The Truth this Cunty it's the Crippled Girl who's Felt Personally Victimized by Brandon Rogers, has absolutely no parasocial relationship complex with Medrano whatsoever and thus can admit that she does have bad taste in (most) internet personalities (besides honestly Brandon) and that Sausage Party, Medrano's general affinity for DudeBro Humor that got Vaggie actually named "Vagina" and probably honestly brought a good chunk of her "DudeBro" fandumb over to help bronify the fandom (aside from maybe the actual can of worms hiring and retiring an actual brony and outted grommer probably opened..) Dear Evan Henson, and Owl City all suck... And while we're at it, Beetlejuice The Musical and the effect it had on the girlies in that fandom sucks too, but I like how it inspired Medrano so and I like what she did with it, so I'll give her that.
But you guys? The YouTube/Twitter Clickbait Incels and Femcels who think someone gayer than you going "Hon.." is an insult? I'm gonna give you one last read for the night from an An Inspiring Drag Creature...
Almost every single male voice actor in the Hazbin pilot just got replaced with someone hotter, nicer and more charming and attractive than them and y'all with extra hotties added on to the official cast and given their chance to shine and y'all complained about that. You COMPLAINED! Some retired pilot actors even went on twitter to encourage you by complaining about feeling insecure and unattractive in comparison too ... I realize that. 💀
But then Valentino's Official Voice Actor had to show up lying shirtless in bed on Twitter like G and tell y'all to calm down because basically for a lot of reasons, the wider fandumb space ain't giving Pussy, ain't giving Cunt and Given Slay, and we love Stella, her brother, who's fucking her or badly wants to, Valentino, Crimson, and Striker here in Adult Land because their designs are Pussy Pussy Cunt Cunt Slay and all their voice actors are fucking hot too... I don't know how to word this without repeatedly empathizing one word multiple times but fictional written incest fiction and some pre- agreed upon fictional incest role play between two consenting and unrelated adults can be fucking hot too but some of y'all with your moistphobias just aren't ready for that very adult conversation and would flip your shits if the cookie actually crumbled like that in canon!
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My name is Luna Worst, apparently...
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In conclusion:
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Can y'all tell I finally snapped, went off my shitz and pinched The Leprechaun today and do you think he's gonna turned me into gold? Meaning a monetized clickbait "explainer" video in which he calls me "Insane" because as a Thorny Irish Rose in a fandom where fools be kissing the blarney stone, making clickbait content farms off a Fiery Latina because they have no bitches of their own, I proudly claim it's my fight as a beautiful Irish Bitch to hold an Ugly Irish Arsehole giving Jason McGuire from Dark Shadows meets Perez Hilton meets That Creepy Reading or whateverthefuck accountable and finally kill the fucking bastard if I have to! :D
Merry Sinsmas, everyone! ;)
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teastarfall · 1 year ago
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most functional family in pale city (not true they are all mentally ill but they’re trying their best ok) they need therapy… 🙂
more (normal and silly goofy) doodles because i need to throw these out into the wild,,
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yes i like the hunter
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theres-whump-in-that-nebula · 7 months ago
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I heard the most agonized moaning coming from outside; so of course I was like, “Bro are you fucking okay?” I went outside fully prepared to, like, call 911, administer First Aid, and offer emotional support…
It was a dad. Playing with his daughter. Being a motherfucking goofball. Lord help me.
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ssunspotted · 1 year ago
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hc + lizards
(In Yorshov the biology of a lot of animals don't follow the same evolutionary paths as earth animals here. Our categories of bird and mammal and reptile don't fit the same way. That said, Tolya is slightly perturbed by the lack of large animal 'reptilians' in this world. Why are all of these lizards snack sized!?
You're telling them that it takes the LARGEST species of lizard to compare to the weight of a person? None of them are large enough to ride? None of them are farmed? That's Fucked Up.)
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kaidabakugou · 2 years ago
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this next period im gonna get soon is going to wreck me bc i’ve never cried so much over random things like i have this past week lol
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carbonateddelusion · 2 years ago
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my widdle pwny...
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accurate colors here bc I used a multiply layer
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visionsofgideontheninth · 2 years ago
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been watching a ton of kpop lately but I just went back to some Little Mix videos... and the video for No where Leigh and Perrie are so pregnant that they’re seated for nearly the entire video: amazing. “we’re so pregnant that we may have to run to the bathroom in the middle of this shot, so how about we make some hot guys take their shirts off and act like robots doing all the house work”
the contrast between kpop where you never hear about their personal lives AT ALL and Little Mix where they did a whole round of promo SUPER PREGNANT is just wild
i’m not saying perrie having her relationships dragged through the press is a fun experience, but hiding it all must be stressful too
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othercrossee · 2 years ago
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Actually, sinner was found after the whole rift ordeal and people thought they were some sort of weird zoroark until they called the survey corp to see what the fuck is up and mc was like hey this ain't a pokemon 💀
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virichemia · 4 months ago
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V1 V2
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almadelsur · 2 months ago
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💋 The Secrets One Keeps
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summary: You're in love with jj but he's with kie, so in moments of pure desperation you often find yourself turning to the person he hates the most...rafe
warnings: some good old angsty pining, very very slight smut if you squint, fem!reader, one or two uses of y/n, plz let me know if I missed anything
a/n: SHE'S BACKKKK, so I've decided to completely reformat and re-post this fic with a few tweaks and editing considering i first wrote this like 3 years ago, and yes for those of you who have been asking, I fully intend to finallly continue this fic....more info on that later ;)
.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・
JJ’s eyes change the moment Kiara steps into any room. Immediately his presence is ripped away from your immediate atmosphere, popping the little bubble you'd spent all afternoon crafting as he sprung up to greet the olive-skinned enigma that captured his affections.
“Kie!” The joy in his tone was incomparable to anything he’d directed at anybody else. Nothing could draw out such happiness from the blonde. You hated that about her.
In an attempt at self-defense, your brain shut itself off. Shielding you from processing the scene in front of you, your emotions ran cold like cement pouring down and across your neurons. It was the only way you could survive such a beating to your heart.
You figured that by distancing yourself mentally, you wouldn’t have to raise suspicion and distance yourself physically. In reality, you knew the real reasoning was your inability to stay away from JJ but the facade helped you cope.
“Hey J” she embraced him and his body relaxed around her as if she was the only source of his happiness. The only way he’d find alleviation from what he perceived as a shitty life being through her. “Sorry I’m late my parents had me running like crazy at the wreck today.”
Scattered greetings filled the air from the rest of the pogues, yet you could only focus on the way his eyes fixated on her like she was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.
“Here come sit baby” he offered her the seat he had just previously been place holding. What you thought had been quality time with your best friend, presented itself to you now as momentary attention to pass the time until his actual desire arrived.
Settling herself down and offering you a wide smile, her shoulder bumped against yours gently as a sign of acknowledgment.
“Hey dude” she directed at you, but you didn’t reply. You just couldn’t bring yourself to pretend. Not today anyway. Instead, you offered her a small smile, it was minimal but it was the best you could do under the circumstances.
“Yo" A crumpled tissue paper flew at your head, jj attempting to refocus your attention on him, "didn’t you say you were gonna get some water or something?” He spoke up, the scheme evident in his tone.
“um yeah I guess” You lifted yourself up and took a few steps before jj used the opportunity to slump himself down where you had been sat and sprawled his arms across his girlfriend’s shoulders.
“snooze ya loose sucker” he joked as he turned to Kiara to start up some mindless conversation. Leaving you behind in the dust.
Your teeth gritted as you focused on making your way to the kitchen hoping the distance from the scene unfolding would lift the iron grip on your heart.
You made the fatal mistake of glancing back and you were met with the image of jj nuzzling up to kiara in a picturesque display of love. The lump building at the base of your throat indicated that it was your time to get the hell out of there before you broke down in front of everyone. 
“Shit guys, y’know what I just realized I gotta go” You spoke quickly, your tone matching your pace as you rushed to the exit of the chateau. 
“You’re still coming to the party later though right?” John B asked, not tearing his eyes away from the screen in front of him. 
“Mhm yeah sure” you opened the door ready to depart. 
“Shit I forgot about that! Me and jj are gonna be late, we got dinner at the wreck tonight.” kiara added as you stepped out, unable to control the escape of a rogue tear.
“Date night babyyyy” You heard JJ cheer before you slammed the door behind you. 
“Is Y/N okay? She seemed a bit off.” Kie nudged JJ as she questioned. 
JJ furrowed his eyebrows momentarily. Glancing out the window, he saw you jog away from the house, and a brief flash of worry flashed through his mind. As quick as it came, it dissipated. He shook his head figuring that if there had been something wrong, he’d have been the first to know. 
“Nah she’s okay don't worry.” he offered to kie.
Boy was he mistaken. 
——————————————————————
“Fuuuck me” you moaned out, sinking into him one last time. You were hot, sweaty, and heaving as you pulled him out of you.
“I thought I just did” Rafe taunted leaning back to lie down, arms crossed behind his head causing his taut abdomen to flex.
You scrambled off the bed, picking up your garments and shoving them back on your body forcefully.
“What, no pillow talk?” He tried again.
“Rafe..” you trailed off. Whenever you’d finish fucking, you’d struggle to even look at him. The self-hatred flooded your body as soon as the orgasm poured out.
“Hey you called me” he eyed you intently but you knew he didn’t actually care. To rafe cameron everything was just a game. At this point it was pretty much common knowledge. “In fact” he moved closer to you so that he could speak directly into your ear “It’s always you that calls me.”
“Don’t be a dick” you stood up and eyed your heels contemplating whether you could face the walk back in them. “You know it makes me feel like shit.” It might have sounded brutal but that’s how things were with rafe.
“Yeah, it’s like you punctuate your orgasms with self-hate.”
“I'm a pogue, rafe.” You argued back as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
“So? Kooks and pogues can fuck you know.” You couldn’t comprehend why you were even having this conversation. Why now, why tonight.
“Yeah maybe, not you though.” You didn’t want to tell him the reason explicitly.
“I fuck pogues.”
“You fuck anyone.” The words came out almost instantly and without thinking, yet rafe took no offense.
“Exactly so what’s the issue?”
“The issue is, rafe.” You paused trying to find the words without actually having to say the words. “The issue is that if my friends found out they’d hate me, probably more than I already hate myself.”
He just chuckled, the look in his eyes changing as he figured you out.
“What's funny?” You challenged.
“You don’t have to bullshit me princess.” He looked up at you with a devilish glint in his eye. “You just don’t want jj knowing about your little escapades huh?” Bingo.
“He’s with Kiara.” You shrugged him off.
“Uh huh, you like him but you can’t have him.” Every word he spoke striking a nerve deep within you. “So you’re fucking me to fuck him over.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.” You grabbed your heels and shoved them on, wincing as you buckled them up.
“Don’t I?” He threw his joggers on lazily as he stood, the level dynamics changing significantly. The older boy towered over you. “Where are they tonight?”
“Back at John B’s, we had a little get-together.” You crossed your arms. More often than not you usually called rafe after a few drinks left you feeling lonely. “Sorry, your invite must have gotten lost in the mail.” You attempted to jab at him with sarcasm yet he clearly held the upper hand with his line of questioning. 
“So all of them are there now?” He stepped towards you.
“Mhm,” You lied.
“Even jj?” Moving closer until your neck was craned upwards to meet his eyes.
Taking your silence as an answer, he reached up and ran his palms across your upper arms, prompting you to uncross them.
“He was uh- him and kie should be getting there soon” You mumbled.
“So would i be wrong in guessing, that might have prompted your call then?” You let yourself be guided by his movements leaning your neck further back as his hand trailed up to your jawbone.
“rafe…” you called out insignificantly.
He leaned in and pressed his lips against your neck, right over where he could feel your pulse, and pressed down.
You couldn’t help the gasp that left your mouth. Because as much as your heart belonged to jj, rafe was just so fucking good at raising your temperature.
“Round two?” He mumbled against your neck.
“Yeah..” you attempted yet it came out as a whisper. He grabbed you swiftly and lifted you, moving you across the room and throwing you down onto his bed, crawling on top of you in a predatory manner as he did so. As your back hit the bed, the ringing of your phone brought you back from the haze he had you under. 
“Wait rafe stop stop” you pushed him off and grabbed the screeching mobile, pressing it up to your ear. “Hello?”
“Dude, where are you?” The sound of jj’s voice came through over the pumping sound of music and party chatter. “Me and Kie just got back and John B says no one’s seen you for like over an hour.”
“Oh I’m uh, I had to go do something for my mom” The lie pouring out of your mouth caused rafe to chuckle which was of course met by a slap from you signaling for him to be quiet.
“Oh well, when are you getting back? I have to tell you about this date. You’re gonna be so proud of me I actually think I’m ready to tell Kie I love her” you screwed your eyes shut as he spoke.
“Yeah I- you know what I can’t make it back my mom needs me to stay and help out but uh I’ll see you tomorrow or something.” You hung up before he could even reply, throwing your phone down uncaring of its state.
“What’s wrong? They getting hitched?” Rafe spoke up from behind you.
You turned to Rafe, the fire in your veins pushing your arms to grab him, roughly pulling him back onto you.
“Just shut up and fuck me rafe.”
And fuck you he did.
——————————————————————
The next morning you woke up to the sight of rafe’s bare back. Not much of a cuddler, you figured.
Quietly you pushed the covers off and began to dress yourself back up. As you got to your shoes you sighed and shook your head, as if there was any way in hell you were going to walk home in heels. You scooped up your shoes and your now-cracked phone shaking your head, slightly ashamed at your outburst.
Without even a second glance at the sleeping body you were leaving behind, you made your way over to the door. As you turned the knob and stepped out to leave, a husky voice spoke up.
“I’ll keep my ringer on for you babe.”
You rolled your eyes looking back at him, “Fuck you rafe.”
“Yeah, that’s what I’m counting on.” He didn’t even open his eyes as he answered, instead just rustling around in the bed and turning to the other side, once again facing his back to you.
You scoffed as you exited. Your internal rant clouded your vision, body on autopilot with an excellent self-navigation of the Cameron house from the countless times you’d made this exit.
“Y/N?” The gentle voice wiped your thoughts clean as the shock stilled you dead in your tracks, slowly turning to come face to face with none other than Sarah.
“Sarah” you drawled out. “What are you doing here?”
“It’s my house?” Her head was cocked to the side, equally shocked to see you.
“No I just mean- I thought you were spending the night at John B’s.” You forced the small talk, avoiding the topic of why you were here, sneaking out at 8 in the morning.
“He had to work today, did you spend the night here?” She glanced up at the door of rafe’s bedroom.
“Umm-“ There had only been two other instances where you had been at a complete loss for words. The day jj told you he and Kiara were dating, the morning after your first sexual encounter with rafe, and now this.
“Are you sleeping with my brother?!” She whisper-shouted, eyes wide as the realization hit her. Busted.
“No?”
“Oh my god!” She grabbed you by the wrist and dragged you to her room, slamming the door as soon as you were both inside. “How long has this been going on?!” Her tone was loud and her hands wild as she interrogated you.
“Just a little under a year.” You sat on her bed and looked at your lap as you spoke. Reminiscent of a child being scolded.
“A year?! Oh my god!” She repeated. “Who knows about this?!”
With that, you looked up at her desperately. “No one. No one knows so please don’t tell them.” You didn’t have to name names for her to know who you were referring to.
“Are you two like” she paused “together?” She scrunched her nose up, disgusted at the thought of her bully of an older brother dating anyone.
“No god no. It’s just sex” you were just as uncomfortable as Sarah was, having to tell her about boning her older brother.
“Disgusting.” She turned away from you with her arms crossed, looking out the window.
“Look I’m not proud of it okay? Just-“ You sighed “Just please don’t tell anyone” pleading again.
Sarah let out a long sigh and uncrossed her arms. She walked over to you and joined you on the bed, her eyes showing concern mixed with something you couldn’t quite place your finger on.
“I thought you were into jj” she spoke softly, there it was. Pity.
“Yeah well, jj is with kie and instead of sitting around wallowing in self-pity, I decided to do something about it.” As the words left your mouth, you realized how weak the explanation was.
“So you just use rafe to bang the jj out of you.”
“It’s not like Rafe cares, if anything he’s also using me.” You tried to reason.
“I don’t doubt that. But I mean, that’s- It’s not healthy, you’ll never move on if you don’t actually process your emotio-“
“Look Sarah, I don’t need to do any of that shit okay? What I have here works, when I fu- when I’m with rafe, I don’t think about jj.” Tears began to swell in your eyes “Sleeping with rafe helps me forget about everything, even if it’s only for a little while he uh- he makes me feel good.” To an extent, there was truth behind your words, while you and rafe fucked the rest of the world went away. It was only after, that the crippling self-hatred hit you along with the return of your immense feelings for jj. 
Sarah shuffled over and threw her arm around you. “That’s not good for you, it’s just momentary. It’s easy and it's a cycle, you’re never going to get better going down this path. Especially not with rafe.”
“Rafe he’s- he’s not that bad.”
“Yes he is. But i bet it gives you satisfaction fucking him knowing jj hates him. Feels like revenge right?” She’d always been so perceptive your Sarah, you hated how she could see right through you.
Tears ran down your cheek silently. “You’re not gonna tell anyone right?” You sniffled.
She gave you one of those classic salt-of-the-earth Sarah Cameron smiles, the kinda smile that would light up any room she walked into. “Takin' it to the grave babe.”
A loud beeping caused both your heads to whip towards the window. “Shit, I completely forgot I was supposed to go on the HMS with pope and jj, we were gonna chill there until John B and Kie finished work.” She rose to her feet and extended an arm towards you. “Wanna come? Or we could drop you home if you’re not up for it.”
With a sigh you took her hand and pulled yourself up, walking beside her as you mentally prepped yourself to face the blonde you desperately pined for.
“Well rise and shine campers.” jj yelled out of the window of the drivers seat.
“Y/N! Where you been dude? you totally bailed last night.” Pope was next to speak as you and Sarah filed into the Twinkie. As JJ began to drive you avoided any form of eye contact in his general direction.
“I had to go help my mom out, blackout at mine again.” You didn’t even look at pope either, instead focusing your attention on the blur of trees and houses pacing by the window as JJ sped down the winding roads.
“Isn’t that what you were wearing last night?” pope, observant as always, pointed out.
“Uh yeah, I didn’t really get any time to change cause…”
“I called her last night when I got home, I was so drunk I don’t think I was ready to stop the party.” Sarah covered for you.
“Yeah I wrapped up helping my mom out and then this one calls me talkin bout a sleepover or something so I didn’t exactly have much time to change.” 
Thankfully pope had lost interest as soon as he had asked the question, otherwise, your overcompensating ass would have been caught out straight away. You always had to add to the lie until you felt like you had sold it completely.
Keeping your eyes trained on the outside meant that jj’s frown directed at you through the windscreen mirror went completely undetected. He always knew whenever there was something up with you and right there and then he knew something definitely was.
“Hey, you okay?” He didn’t need to address you explicitly for you to know he was talking to you.
“Yeah just tired.” You shrugged him off in an attempt to distance yourself from him yet again.
He knew you were lying but he didn’t understand why, you never lied to each other. Apart from John B, the pair of you were closer to each other than with anybody else in the group. You’d been best friends since kindergarten, and since then you’d sworn 3 things to each other.
1- You’d always share your snacks.
2-You’d always be best friends even if you argued.
 3- You would never ever lie or keep secrets from each other.
Of course, as the both of you grew older the rules became more and more lax. The snack sharing was limited only to when you felt nice enough and sometimes you’d go for days without making up if you had argued particularly badly. Having kept two friendship-breaking secrets from him, the childhood rules seemed pretty insignificant by now.
“Mhm,” he responded, flickering his eyes between you and the road. “Are we taking you home to change first?”
“Yeah, I don’t know if I’ll join you guys afterward though.” You chewed down on your nail anxiously as the tension from being in the same space as jj paired with the guilt from having fucked rafe prior, suffocated you.
JJ made a face as he focused on the road, something was wrong with you and he’d be dammed if he wasn’t going to put his everything into finding out what that was.
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