#please understand that i am bad at communicating strong feelings and this was the solution that made sense at the time

[thatautisticemo]

medium-length post ahead

the lovely friend @telegraphavekiss wrote me a fic on ao3 in my little universe Lonely Shadow and i felt so inspired and happy that i wrote it all out by hand. took me 2 hours. did i mention this was at 2am the night he posted it? I wrote it all out by hand. and we are still fairly Normal and Sane about it. link to the fic here, it's soooooo. it's so. it is SO wonderful to have someone else play with my characters. it won't be everyone's cup of tea but it is just. my favorite thing.

pictures of the sheets of paper below the cut. it is 8 pages of black pen on lined notebook paper, and it isn't the easiest to read, my handwriting isn't the best.

[pasteloni]

DON'T EVER GIVE UP ON ADVOCATING FOR YOURSELF!!!!

speaking from my experience, doctors, therapists, psychiatrists, etc can be real assholes sometimes but you have to keep pushing. i've had professionals tell me the 'oh you can't be/have x' or "the internet is bane of my existence" when i called out a psychiatrist for being ableist and saying everything on the internet is misinformation (guess the DSM-V is misinformation since it's on the internet jdjdjd). i know how hard and exhausting it can be but you will find someone/something to help you. it can feel like there's no light at the end of the tunnel, like your world is collapsing in on you and you are suffocating. it's so hard when you have a limited amount of spoons or even negative. go at you own pace, you have time, even if it seems like you don't. you've made it this far and are so strong for doing so. i know you can do it!

if it helps, you can also think about it that you continuing to advocate for yourself is in spite of the people who told you they wouldn't help you, who say 'suck it up' or 'it's not that bad' or 'someone else has it worse'. take the POWER from them and SPITE THEM!!

there's plenty of help out there and you will find it. there's also tons of really awesome and supportive communities out there with amazing people who can offer solutions and help, point you in the direction of great resources. and remember, you are not alone with your struggles and you are loved!! don't you ever forget that!!!

the medical world lags so far behind and there's a clear gap along with rampant ableism, sexism, and racism. the lack of knowledge ties in with the mistreatment and even misdiagnosis of people. POC and AFAB are more likely to be overlooked and misdiagnosed. it's important to know your stuff and keep advocating when things aren't working and you are still struggling. which ties into my next point:

if you put in the time to research and reexamine your experiences/life your self diagnosis is valid!

this is the first step to getting a diagnosis. people don't normally spend like 6 months (this is just a number, not a minimum) obsessively researching and thinking about your experiences/life, finding things relatable and feel like you are heard, taking various tests, looking at the DSM-V or other criteria for things.

you can't get treated for something like the flu if you don't know what the symptoms are and self diagnose first. then once you get to the doctor they can diagnose you and confirm if it's the flu or not and figure out the meds after the diagnosis

self diagnosis is also different from people claiming they have a disability or mental illness for clout.

yes, it's an issue that needs to be addressed, but it's very few people in the grand scheme of things. they make it harder for people to advocate for themselves and to seek help. you cannot get treatment/accommodations if you don't have a diagnosis in the first place. there is nothing to gain other than getting the help that you so deserve. and again, in my experience there's a lot of pushback to getting that much needed help. so anyone who disagrees, understand that you are putting someone down who could be in a very vulnerable spot and really needs help and or encouragement. you are only invalidating them and hurting them. if it turns out they are wrong, they have learned more about themself and can further help improve their life and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. knowledge is power, don't be the one to deny someone that.

i am speaking from my experiences as a neurodivergent. i cannot speak for any other types of disabilities, that in mind i feel like the things i said can still apply to anyone even if some of the language i use is more geared towards neurodivergents

also if anyone needs any resources for ADHD or ASD please do not hesitate to reach out to me! even though i only have a few, they helped me a lot and i am always happy to share!

[mothmannnnn]

Hello sexy beautiful awesome cool swag mutuals, Gar asked me to finish a fic they wrote and we wanted to share :p Read at your own risk <3

-

If luck—a notion he’d only allowed himself to entertain after meeting James Kirk—really did exist, then it was only logical to assume its opposite existed as well. Bad luck. 

Spock couldn’t think up the logistics of the situation he and Kirk had found themselves in: why he was injured on a too-cold planet, how they had lost their communicators, how they had run into the sort of intelligent life they weren’t supposed to interact with—why they now sat, shoulders pressed together, inside a hollow alien tree. In his current, less than stellar state, he wondered if it was statistically possible to have this much bad luck.

They were able to elude their assailants through Kirk’s resourcefulness. He had eyed the hiding place while they were running from their assailants, an area near the roots they had just been able to squeeze past and fit inside. Spock vaguely wondered if the tree had rotten out, or if a creature similar to the earth woodpecker inhabited the planet and had once called the space they now sat in its home. He wondered why the wood on this planet was a pale shade of blue, the trees even more massive than the redwoods, and how this miraculous life could happen somewhere so cold. He wondered about the probability of his survival. Spock ghosted his fingers over his bloodstained abdomen. 

“Spock . . . Spock.” Kirk had his hand on his shoulder and was looking into his eyes, and Spock had to rip himself from his own mind. “You’re shaking,” He said. Spock was suddenly aware of the almost violent tremor of his own body, of the biting cold on his ears and hands and everywhere except where Kirk had his leg pressed up against his. 

“I’m very cold, Captain, and I believe—” he had to stop himself, he had to stop shaking, he had to gain back some control. He took a breath—too deep—and pain blossomed in his side, time tripping over itself. It was so cold out. “I believe I may be bleeding internally, from the injuries I sustained.” he said. 

Kirk was leaning over him then, eyes wide as they searched over him, one hand on Spock’s shoulder and the other hovering hesitantly over the blood stains on his uniform. “How bad is it? is there anything I can do? Are you—“ Spock grabbed Kirk’s wrist before he could flood him with more questions, before he could touch him and defile his hands with his blood. He didn’t like to see Kirk like this, anxious, and he especially didn’t like that he was the cause. 

“I can do something about it but . . . I must focus all my energy on healing myself.” Spock said, finally meeting Kirks eyes. He nodded, his mask of cool command back on. 

“The healing trance?” Kirk confirmed. 

“Yes but I—” There was too much going on, the cold, the bleeding, the hiding (James Kirk’s thigh pressed against his, hand in his, his worry) “I can’t regulate my body temperature while in the trance, I need some external method of—” Kirk pulled his hand away from Spock’s grip and went for the hem of his own shirt. He’d had it half way up his chest before Spock was able to catch Jim’s shirt and pull it back down. “No captain, you can’t-” Spock started, taken completely off guard but beginning to catch on to what Kirk had been thinking. 

“The extra clothing will keep you warm Spock, please just let me—“

“Your body heat is sufficient, Captain,” Spock insisted. Although he knew it was not logical, as Kirk’s body was better equipped to withstand the cold and therefore he would be able to spare the cotton shirt, Spock felt hesitant prioritizing his captain’s comfort below his own. 

Kirk looked thoughtful for a minute, his brows furrowing and his hands absentmindedly rubbing his jawline. 

Spock was getting delirious—he knew it was due to the increasing loss of blood in his body. He must begin the healing trance as promptly as possible, but a strange, illogical thought wormed itself into his mind. What will Jim do while I am gone? 

If they were to be revealed by their assailants, it would be highly unlikely that Jim could fend for himself, and it would be too dangerous to pull himself out of the healing trance. 

Before Spock could think of a solution, he felt warm hands around his waist, a strong chest against his, and the point of Jim Kirk’s chin on the crook of his neck. 

“Captain, you’ll get blood on your uniform.” 

“Tough luck,” was Jim Kirk’s eloquent reply. “We’ll have to be in close proximity for my body heat to do anything for you.” 

“Well, I . . .” Spock’s words trailed off, and he was, for perhaps only the second time in his life, at a loss for words. 

He found something akin to courage in his deliriousness, pulling away so that he might look Kirk in his eyes. “I do not like showcasing my . . . differences, as compared to you, Captain.” He motioned to the greenness of his blood, slowly darkening and expanding across his abdomen. 

“Spock, that is perhaps the most illogical thing you’ve ever said.” Astonishingly, he heard amusement in Jim’s voice, despite their current situation. When he looked over, eyes barely able to open, he saw that his captain’s lips were pulled into a ghost of a smile. His eyebrows, however, were still furrowed with concern. “What does it matter if your ears are pointed or your blood is green? Why would it ever matter to me?” There were unspoken words within that statement, even Spock was able to identify that. But he was not quite able to extract the meaning. Why would it ever matter to me? 

“I know it is not logical, but I have always envied the redness in your veins, Jim.” If Kirk had noticed the slip in formalities, he did not reveal it. “Red is the color of vitality, of passion. It is something I will never possess beyond a medicinal diagnoses. But green . . . green is the color of cowardice. Of envy.” 

“You’re not speaking any sense, Mr. Spock.”

“There are many things I do not have the courage to tell you, Jim.” 

If the silence that followed was indicative of disgust, Spock might have felt shame. But Kirk only lifted one gentle hand to Spock’s cheek, and wiped a tear that he had not known had fallen. 

“I’ll be here when you wake up, Spock,” Kirk reassured, prompting him to fall into his healing trance. He could not hold out for much longer. “We’ll get through this, I promise, and . . . when you’re awake, maybe you’ll feel a little more courageous.” 

Through their connection, both physical and emotional, Spock could feel the tug of emotions in Kirk’s chest. Stress, worry, regret and surprisingly—the last thing he felt before slipping off to unconsciousness—affection beyond platonic admiration. 

He slept. 

-

As promised, Jim was there when he awoke on the Enterprise again. He was still a little bruised, and his lip was split, but other than that, Spock could not discern any permanent physical harm.

“You’re awake,” 

Humans had an interesting habit of announcing something that was not in need of announcement. 

“I am,” Spock nodded, noticing that he had been relocated to a corner cot in the medical bay. “How long was I in the healing trance?”

Before Kirk could reply, a voice interrupted from the doorway. A booming, slightly southern accent that Spock recognized immediately, despite the state of his foggy memory. “A week,” Doctor McCoy said. “And what a hell of a week!”

“Hello, Doctor,” Spock greeted the newcomer. 

McCoy went on as if he had not heard him, muttering, “I thought Jim might go mad and strangle me! Waiting in here like some wartime widow, what a hassle!”

He went on like this, spewing good-natured insults until he exited the room, holding Spock’s file (which he presumed was what McCoy had originally came in the room for). 

Kirk looked at Spock, the tips of his ears red. This blush, which creeped up his neck, was what prompted Spock to remember the last conversation they had. 

The color of vigor. Of passion. The courage that Spock had lacked, until, in a lapse of judgment, he had admitted his best-kept secret: his feelings for James Kirk. 

“I’m glad you’re awake, Mr. Spock—even if Bones isn’t,” the tone of his voice was light, nothing remarkably fond, but his hand reached down and gently held Spock’s. 

The action was innocent enough, Spock knew. He had seen many humans hold each other’s hands for comfort, for solace. But to himself, a Vulcan, the intimate action made his own ears glow green.

“It’s okay if you don’t have the courage right now, Spock,” Jim continued. He smiled, and Spock found himself wanting to do the same. “You were very brave on that planet.” 

In a rare show of physical affection, Spock lifted Kirk’s hands to his lips, and kissed the soft palm. 

Understanding the meaning of this action, Kirk in turn lifted Spock’s hand to his own mouth, pressing a warm kiss on the back of his hand. 

“When you’re ready, Mr. Spock,” Kirk smiled, “I think we should take a long shore leave—somewhere warmer, preferably.” 

Spock squeezed the hands still holding his, hoping that this seemingly modest reaction could begin to express all the feelings he had for Jim Kirk. That perhaps Jim might feel, through his own human senses, Spock’s unfailing devotion to him. 

“Yes, Captain,” he said. “I would like that very much.” 

[carolsideblog]

Undiagnosed Autism in Adults | Being Shamed for Special Interests

What is a Special Interest?

I’m 27 and I have autism.

Therefore, I have special interests. Generally speaking, in the context of the autistic spectrum disorder, a special interest is... just genuinely hard for me to describe or explain? Here are some links with definitions of special interests.

Autism Fandom Wikia

Ambitious About Autism

Amythest Schaber - Ask an Autistic, What are Special Interests?

Purple Ella - Autism & Special Interests 

... long post ahead / cw for cussing and swearinig ...

The Comfort of my Special Interests

My special interests are things that I’m deeply passionate about and something that I latch onto, almost as a coping mechanism. I have a variety of special interests that shift in and out of focus through out the months in a year, but I could prattle on and ON AND ON for HOURS about any of them.

When I’m immersed in my current favorite special interest, I am over the moon. I feel productive, the world makes sense, I feel like my life makes sense, and I can calm down faster from a stressful, overwhelming day.

Adulthood and the Expectations of Neurotypicals

But in adulthood, it’s generally not seen as a mature thing for an old woman in her twenties to STILL be fucking talking about “dumb shit.” Shit that’s “bad,” shit that’s “problematic,” or shit that’s not for “my age group.”

I don’t fucking know what women in their late twenties are supposed to do. I’m not a sensible enough of an adult to know.

I also know very well that my shit is problematic, bad, and/or not for my age group. I probably researched 5 hours straight on my special interest for nearly a month when I discovered it. I know books, games and movies that I’ve taken a shine to forwards and backwards, I know deep-cut fandom jokes in different things I like, I know who created what and when.

But this isn’t impressive to anyone. To the rest of neurotypical society, one needs to have a bunch of light hearted little hobbies that you can switch too whenever you want because that’s “healthy.” It’s “not healthy” whatsoever (apparently) to STILL be talking about something that I love, because I’m an adult and I should have hobbies and I should have a job filing away things and writing data in spreadsheets like a good little working woman.

Or whatever, I don’t know.

Guilt, Shame and Stigma

I just... don’t understand why people shame people for the things that bring them joy, even if the things that bring them joy are objectively poor quality or badly made. The things I love make me happy, and they make me happy for lots of different reasons.

Some reasons include...

It was close to my childhood and I have a strong attachment to it

It was the lifeline I clung onto when I was going through a rough part of my life and the memories I have of it bring me comfort

I felt proud investing time in researching information, collecting memorabilia, and becoming an “expert” in that special interest

To me, my special interests were so important to my ability to cope, it got to the point where some parts of them became almost like an addition to my identity; my special interests are part of who I am and how I navigate the world. It might come from not really having a strong sense of self in the first place, I don’t know.

So when people scold me for still talking about my special interests, or make passive aggressive, off-hand comments about my special interests, or when they’re even out-right criticizing my special interests, (”It’s a bad book, it’s a bad game, the movie sucks,”)

Even if I know they’re right, it feels like an attack on me. It feels like they’re scolding me for liking the things I like. It feels like they’re criticizing me for liking something bad. It feels like they’re being passive aggressive and unfair because they don’t like me.

Rationally and logically I know this isn’t true. But it still feels like an emotional punch in the gut. It still feels like people are policing what I should and shouldn’t like. And it pisses me off and makes me ruminate.

An Open Letter to Neurotypicals 

Hello, ally.

Life is hard. You and I both know that. But thankfully, there are loads of things in this world that can bring us joy. We have lots of things to keep us entertained, to socialize over, and to be passionate about.

But I get it: someone in your life keeps talking about that one thing all the time. Maybe you’re tired, maybe you’ve heard so much about this thing before, you’ve had enough or got bored. I dunno? But you’re tank is empty and you need a break, and that’s fair.

If for whatever reason your friend won’t shut up about something they really seem to love and it makes them happy... Be nice about it I guess?

If I could say anything to any neurotypical that I’ve spoken too in my lifetime right now, it’s this: be frank, honest, and straightforward. Don’t beat around the bush and don’t “drop hints.” Don’t always rely on people figuring it out for themselves. Just because things might come naturally to you doesn’t mean those same things come naturally to others. And this is okay, I only ask that you communicate clearly and honestly when you can.

If a topic is getting tiresome to you and you need a break, just tell them. Most of the time, it will be fine. When you’re up for it and wondering about a hobby or interest that someone told you about, bring it up with them again. It might brighten their day.

You don’t have to participate in the special interest of a friend if you don’t want too. Just be there for your friends, lend an ear if you can, and be supportive.

An Open Letter to the Neurodiverse

Hello, friend.

Don’t let people get you down about your special interests. If there’s something in this world that makes you passionate, that keeps you up at night because you’re so excited, that makes you rush to wake up  because you want to do your Favorite Thing in the Entire World™, then please keep embracing that thing.

It doesn’t matter if it doesn’t fit the standards of neurotypicals. You don’t have to please people. If people are giving you a hard time because something makes you happy??? They’re probably not the right people to be around anyway. Someone in your life just kinda humoring you and you wish you had more? Same! But it’s okay. People who love you are listening as best they can, but please, I promise you if you keep looking, you will find your like-minded people and you will be able to find people to talk about your passions with.

If it makes you happy, if it brings you joy, if it brings you comfort, please don’t let that go if people keep nagging you for it. You have no reason to feel guilty or ashamed for something that helps you cope, that keeps you grounded, that makes you happy.

Also know that as much love and joy and comfort that your special interest gives you... remember you are still a whole entire person. You can wear your special interest as apart of you if you feel that brings you the most honest and genuine comfort and joy, but just remember that you don’t need to be limited to just this one thing. You have full permission to also be anything else you want to be in addition to this special interest. This is not to scold or shame you, but this is to remind you that you are a valid, whole person, and you are allowed to transform however you want too.

Closing Ramblings and Musings

I’ve been really bothered by this.

Like I’ve been thinking about this a lot, on again and off again, since November.

Through out my life, people have made lots of comments about my hobbies and the things I like. Most of them negative.

From the music I like to listen too, the bands and groups I follow, to the books I loved to read, to the movies I like to watch, to the games I love to play. I have my own genuine criticism and critiques that I have for a variety of things that fall under my special interests. I’m passionate and thorough with my feedback because I love all of my special interests so much, and I know they could be better.

I have a lot of complex feelings and a lot of things to reconcile with my special interests. It’s so hard to grow up and start to learn and realize how... bad they are all. How problematic some are, how poor quality or laughably simple they all are. I can give you all of my different reasons for why I like them and I could tell you all day about how I know they’re all bad... but I know some of the things I love are just laughing stocks and punching bags in pop culture to the neurotypical society. 

But I can’t just let them go. That’s what I couldn’t stop thinking about in November and December. I really just couldn’t let these things go. For personal reasons, for nostalgia reasons, for coping reasons. I love these things. And I carry a lot of guilt and frustration with myself because I can’t let these things go. I can’t just switch to new fandoms, new books, new movies, new groups. At least, maybe not yet. I don’t know.

I just don’t know. I want to reclaim the parts I love but I know that It’s not a real solution. There’s such a major divide between the special interests I love and what I actually believe in and stand for. They directly conflict with each other and it’s frustrating and complicated.

I really don’t know how to close this post, to be honest. This post won’t solve the problem I have. It won’t explain to the people who scolded me for my special interest, it won’t make them understand or forgive me about why I keep talking about a stupid book with a bad premise, it won’t make them understand why I have “bad taste” or why a 27 year old woman won’t shut up about something largely assumed “meant for kids.”

This was just to vent and maybe lend hope to people feel the same way or have the same struggles.

[thejosh1980]

Time after time...

Lately I've been thinking about my ex... and it's been good for me...

As with many relationships, it had its fair share of troubles and in the end, was too unhealthy to withstand. We've been apart for over 2 years, and both of us have been in new relationships for a similar length of time. I know my new relationship is great and right for me, I hope the same for her...

I wrote about “Grumpy” a while back, it was written in part to vent some frustrations, but for the most part that blog entry was about processing my feelings and thoughts, and letting go...

Today, I think I am one step closer to that that place, the place where I am at peace.

Many of us have been there or seen it before, post breakup negativity. Somehow that person you once loved whole heartedly, has become a point of reference for all that is evil in a relationship and break up. How could that be? I loved her, deeply. I cared for her and her well being. I cared for our relationship's wellbeing. How is it I can go from love to hate so quickly? How could she?

Actually with Grumpy, it was a slightly different story. I didn't hate her, ever. I broke up with her out of necessity and our wellbeing. She may see it differently, but I'd ask her, like I did back then, “are you truly happy in this relationship?” I didn't leave her for someone else and I didn't leave her impulsively. I did not hate her. I didn't even dislike her!

I loved her.

However, I did dislike her behaviour, in fact sometimes, I downright hated how she behaved, during and after our relationship. Sometimes I disliked how I behaved too, many many times I hated myself for how I behaved.

I'd say it's a 50-50 split. We both could have behaved better.

During my years in regular therapy, I talked a lot about the relationships in my life. Often it was about my Dad, which is interesting because we weren't very close. Why was it so important to me to have a strong, deep and meaningful relationship with my Dad? Why was I always so deliberately wishful, hoping that he'd be who I thought he should be? A Dad...

(That's another blog for another day).

Or we'd talk about my sister... We didn't have a deep and meaningful relationship. One could almost say it's estranged, and has been that way since we were teenagers really. Why discuss her all the time? Is she really that important to me?

We'd sometimes talk about my band members and how I was often frustrated we weren't getting anywhere fast enough... Could someone else in the band put in a little effort too please? Why aren't we touring 150 nights a year? Why isn't the radio playing our songs?

The list of relationships we discussed could go on, but the point is, through the discussions about my relationships, I was really learning about myself and how I feel about the relationships around me. I learnt about response and reaction being 2 different things. I learnt about expectations.

What I ultimately learnt, in most cases was, I loved the person deeply, but I disliked some of their behaviours. I learnt that the problem was often with the behaviour, not the person. Maybe you've heard it before, “hate the sin, not the sinner”?? I also learnt, the problem and solution starts and ends with me! I am the one who can be in control (of myself), if I wish to be.

How? Well that's the hard part!

Eventually we got to the issue of my then current partner “Grumpy” and our relationship. By unravelling the techniques, skills and tools that my therapist helped me understand in my other relationships, I figured out it truely wasn't working out with Grumpy, and something had to change... Most likely that change had to come from me.

Cutting to the chase; I decided to break up with her. I did it really to help us both. We both weren't in a good place, the relationship was in a terrible situation, and while I feel that I tried to make it work, and so did she, it definitely wasn't and didn't show any signs of improving.

It's been over 2 years, and I'm still processing our relationship, can you believe that? Mind you, we were together for 7 years, and we experienced a lot together. If I was to deny we had any problems or continue to play the blame game, I would probably be “over it” by now.

Recently my brother has been in touch, which has been amazing. He's been going through a few bumps in life and has asked for big brother advice, which I'm not too keen to express. However, I am more than happy to discuss my experiences and during these discussions Grumpy has come up a few times...

I had a few revelations...

I realise we weren't always as bad as the post break up negativity aimed towards me felt. When we broke up, all this evil came out, and it felt that that evil was really the meat and bones of our relationship. That wasn't the case now was it? We were good. OK, not all the time, but there were moments, weeks and even months when we were good. It wasn't all fights, arguments, evil, aggression and manipulation... There were moments of love, happiness, connection and laughter.

We did have a lot in common. We enjoyed a good rock and roll party, we enjoyed dancing, for a time there we really really enjoyed drinking, we enjoyed raising our 4 pets, we enjoyed buying and listening to vinyl records, we loved adventures, walks, stand up paddle boarding, travel and more...

We actually had some good stuff going on...

However, the one thing most important to me was good clear and solid communication. We lacked that... and that caused a lot of our problems, pretty much most of them. Without that communication we lost trust, respect, connection and love.

During the conversations with my bro I came to realise, I wish her all the best. I wish her no harm. I want her to live a full and good life (according to her values). I want her to find love, happiness and joy.

I love her.

No, I don't mean that “I'm in love with her” stuff... I lost that connection before we broke up, but I do love her in the sense that she deserves a good life, she deserves happiness and if I see her again, I will first look at her with fondness, joy and love.

I don't hold any grudges for denying my request to be the sole parent of Mijita. Some days that's harder than others to say, to think or to express. Deep down, I don't hate her for that decision. I'm disappointed, of course I am, I loved our puppy and would have moved heaven and earth to have her with me, but I do not hate Grumpy for the decision.

I'm learning to be at peace. To “let it be”.

The other day, I mentioned her to some friends, I brought up the fact I didn't have Mijita here with me and I still felt sad about that. After all, I'm only human, I miss my dog. Someone quietly called Grumpy a bad name. I immediately felt angry... How dare they!!! While I firmly believe I have the right to put her down for anything that happened to me during or after our relationship, no one else can!

It showed me that they don't have the capability to forgive, or to remain neutral in a situation outside of their experiences. I can appreciate the person was trying to show solitude and connection, but they don't have that right to call her a name. It's up to me, and I most certainly do not and will not call her a bad name (other than Grumpy, but that's really just to protect the innocent).

Just over 2 years after I stopped drinking and I had to learn, I still wasn't over learning from my experiences while I was drinking! Why did I drink? What was the good? What was the bad? Did I hurt others? Was I hurting myself? Why did I hurt myself?...

What I mean to say is, I was still learning about myself.

Now it's ironic how a similar timeline is at play here with my past relationship. 2+ years on, and I'm still learning about myself, the experiences from the past, my relationships and how they shaped me then and now.

Time heals?? Maybe, but only if you want it to.

You have to be willing to look at yourself, really look deep inside, find those insecurities, those problems, those thoughts that do you no good, and consider changing them. Then you have to actually implement those changes. It's all one day at a time, and often one (very) small step at a time.

If you work on it, work on yourself, and with enough time you may see things more peacefully.

That's my experience.

I think that's called forgiveness.

Thanks for reading, Josh

[thethistlegirlwrites]

I've seen a few people do your character asks for a lot of people, and I wanted to know if I could too? Or does it get annoying to answer for so many characters? 🍵for all of them, if you don't mind, and I totally understand if you do mind

OH PLEASE ASK AWAY!!! I am happy to go wild over all my OCs! Honestly trying to focus on one WIP is like trying to pick a favorite child lol. 🍵Half Tea & Half Lemonade: what is a goal your OC is working towards? Do they have smaller goals as well as something large? What progress have they made? Are they open to revision or adamant about what they need to accomplish? Magic & Silver Robin - Robin wants answers about what happened to his father. That's the overarching goal that's driven the rest of his smaller goals. He wanted to become a vampire hunter to try and investigate his father's disappearance, and he stayed in the job even when things got bad because he didn't want to lose his chance at getting answers. Robin isn't very open to changing that goal, and he insists on staying in the field when he changes agencies, because he swore a binding fae oath to find out what happened to his father and he literally can't change that. John - John wants to protect his fellow hunters the best he can. He feels responsible for the others he works with, and he's a very protective person at heart. He's changed how he chooses to do that, switching from an active field role to a training one, but he still does his best to make sure his trainees will have the best chance of surviving the job. Kira - Kira got into the hunter world trying to track down the vampire who attacked her and her mother. Even though he's since been staked, she's stayed on the job because the hunter research facilities have given her a huge opportunity to make scientific and technical breakthroughs. Her goal now is to improve the lives of both hunters and ordinary people with her work. Cody - Cody wants to be an author. He's currently a librarian to pay the bills, but his end goal is to get one of his myriad manuscripts published. He's a storyteller and he wants to share his stories with the world. Maira - Maira wants to make sure the human and vampire communities live in peace with each other. Her goal in her whole career has been to mediate disputes and try to find ways of bringing disparate groups together and getting them to see past conflict. Partnering Robin and John is an attempt at that on a small scale. Emma - Emma wants to make sure no one else goes through what she did, being unwillingly turned into a vampire. She keeps a close eye on what happens in her club, which she promotes as a place humans and vampires can mix, so that curious kids will come to her club and not go looking in more dangerous places. She also uses her position as the owner to gather information and pass it on to John. Arion - Arion wants to enjoy his un-life. His philosophy of the world is very hedonistic and self-serving. He doesn't care who else is damaged along the way, but he wants to have the things he enjoys. He's willing to sacrifice to get those things, which can sometimes make him appear to enjoy an austere existence, but he has specific goals, and his current one is to capture and enjoy a part-fae and their unique blood. Between the Trees Brooke - Brooke wants to keep her family together. The only people in her village she can count on are her adoptive father and brother, so she doesn't want to lose either of them. She'll do whatever it takes to hold onto the only people who haven't treated her as sub-human because of her vitiligo. Aspen - Aspen wants to heal people. He's never forgotten that he would have died as a child if not for the village healer who helped him, and he wants to pass that on to someone else. He feels like he was saved for a reason. Will - Will wants to protect his kids. He's a soldier at heart, and he will defend them however he can. He's tried to do that by adopting them and keeping them away from the main life of the village, but that's no longer enough, and he's been forced to try and find another, and more permanent, solution to keep them from being dragged into the dangers of the life they all lead. Written in Ink Jesse - Jesse wants to find a way to get humans to rethink their perception of the fae, so they will roll back the incredibly dangerous fae registration laws. He thinks his best chance of that is to take a job in the human world, and the idea of being a hunter appeals to him because he was rescued in the past by hunters and would like to be able to help someone else like him. 

Amy - Amy wants to do the most good she can while she's still alive. She used to want to be a highly decorated hunter, but being bitten and infected by a vampire changed her perception. Now she's firmly aware of her own mortality, and she wants to do things that matter, because she has no idea how much time she has left. Tina - Tina is a healer, and she wants to not only physically heal people, but heal the rifts that have opened between the humans and fae. She doesn't like seeing pain of any kind and she wants to do what she can to relieve that. Who Fights Monsters (Doing the ones I know for this, there's a HUGE cast of characters and not all of them are speaking to my yet) Joe - Joe wants to keep his family safe and living in harmony. As the pack leader, he sees his role as keeping the peace between family members and presenting a united front to the rest of the world. He tries to make decisions that have the best chance of keeping the family together and alive, and the loss of Abby has made him a bit more cautious in his perspective. He can't stand the thought of losing another member of his family right now, be that to an unsolvable difference in opinion, or to something happening to them from the outside. Tom - Tom wants to make sure his family is safe. He values family loyalty above all else, and he will do whatever it takes to protect his pack, no matter the cost. He trusts his family to be in the right, and he will defend them even when things look bad. Maya - Maya is a bit torn between what she feels is her duty and what she finds to be her heart. She feels that her gift is meant to be used to bring people closure and find answers for them, but with a family to raise, she has to balance that perspective with looking after her own family and being what they need. While registration laws were in place, she stayed away from the city life in order to make sure she wouldn't be taken away from her family for being unregistered, but now that that's changed, she's once again trying to find a balance in her life. Kate - Kate wants to make sure people are treated with fairness and honesty. She only takes cases she truly believes are just. She has a stronger than usual sense of the fae value of honesty, and people twisting the system to get away with things they should pay for infuriates her. She wants the right thing to be done, and that to her is the highest importance. She has a strong sense of right and wrong and her morality is more black-and-white than the rest of her family. Erin - Erin wants to be a valued part of her family. She feels like an outsider, since she struggles with her shifting magic. While her family doesn't treat her differently because of that, she still feels as if she's somehow lacking some important feature of what it is to be a Phelan, and she wants to find a way to be herself and still be a good member of the family.

[divinaes-bookofsecrets]

Private. Hello there I would like a spirit guide reading please -Rochelle (RS) ♉️

Hello 👋hi 👋 (🌺Rs)Rochelle are you a 🐂 ♉?

Really ... if I guessed you correctly you are Taurus in your natal birth chart (I am an aspiring astrologist and zlso do in-depth Astrology Reports based off of your natal birth charting so please do nog hesitate to ask for That next !

Your SpiritGuide is Cressida

💎🦋Galactic-Arctic Fox🦋💎

She is a mystical interterrestrial being from a galaxy through another realm not too far away but just out of reach !

Cressida has been with you since 2018 and should remain by your side as a companion, spiritual guardian 🙏 ✨ and your synchronicity lessons for the rest of your life.

Why is Cressida with me and trying to help or heal my situation and past situations or for future situations anyways? Well.. heres an in depth description of what this particular animal spirit totem means ..

Whats Cressida doing? How can I place her in my life and recognize her?

🦋Whether the White Arctic Fox appears in dreams, visions, waking life or synchronicities, it is a sign and message that you are to keep going, amid the test of your nature and character. Some powerful forces are working on your behalf to sort things out in a favorable outcome or way soon. Whatever you may be going through will soon pass. These tests and trials have made you stronger, and giving in is for the weak. You should realize how far you have come. You will be arriving to a place of rest and completeness soon. 🦋The Arctic Fox is a sign to trust yourself, above trusting anything or one outside of you. At least for the purpose of clarity. IN other words, it is time to pause, breathe, and receive insights from your oversoul or higher self. As a seeker of truth, you cannot allow someone or something else to dilute what you sense. Take time out to refuel so that you can come from a place of neutrality.🦋 You will need to be stubborn in a forthcoming opportunity and trust your instincts. Even if you collaborate with others, or cooperate with them, you must keep your eyes open as no one can look out for you the way that you can for yourself. In other words, watch your own back. Don’t give that responsibility entirely to others.🦋 The Arctic Fox teaches us that, we are only beings and we are all doing things to survive. Your trust is only owed to a higher source. You can cooperate with others, but the key is to look out for yourself always. Don’t just expect others to put you first. 🦋Always follow up, and if possible do things yourself when it comes to projects that require your creativity. The White Arctic Fox is a message that you want others to be better than what they are showing you. In other words, you are looking at the aspect of how a person can be and not what or who they truly are. If you are a part of a group of people who are being intentionally deceptive, it is best to clear up your acts now rather than later. 🦋The Arctic White Fox is about seeing beyond what we are shown, and hearing beyond what we are told. Your psychic senses will be heightened at this time.💎 Pay attention to what is being revealed. 🧿

⚠️This message isn't, obviously resonant with all whose paths it crosses, as perhaps you may come into contact with someone of this vernacular, mastery or skill. Therefore, it is a sign from the universe that you're meant to work with such a person. ⚠️

🦋What does She look like? 🥀

Her fur is multidimensional and is actually the softest known material other than silk in this universe and all other universes including hidden realms..

Since she is a Galactic Arctic Fox you'll expect to see that she looks rather like a regular Arctic White Fox from our home planet Earth🌍But has different highlights and dimensions to her skin and her fur body. She has *fur tattoos* which are blue-- they represent the Element Water(do you have a lot of water 💧in your natal birth charting , I suspect you do 😉 )Her fur tattoos are like a war paint that was branded onto her when she became fully mature and with the seasons her other markings show up - each season - has a different shade of white to blue hue or even teal like transference that takes place , its quite magickal to see.

What is Cressida's personality like?

🦋Cressida has a strong, but warm and gentle but also courageous and brave personality and soul as a Galzctic Arctic Fox 💙 ❤ 💖 She conducts herself with a sense if integrity in every situation(no matter what!) 🦋Integrity is a personal trait that has strong moral principles and core values and then conducting your life with those as your guide.🦋 She has a lot of compassion for all of humanity but especially you (Rs) ♉ This character traits example feels deep sympathy and pity for the suffering and misfortune of others, and you have a desire to do something to alleviate their suffering..She sees that you may be suffering maybe and has messages for you just about to come up .. old on we need to finish her character profile (bio)

🦋Cressida is an honest Galactic fox just as much of them are but there are more certainly the few bunches who are so mischievous that they are notdared to be messed with (worse than the worst fae)

🦋She has strong reliability. This SpiritGuidr's character quality can be consistently depended upon to follow through on your/her commitments, actions, and decisions. She does what she says you she will do.🥀🌍(88% of the time)

😷She hopes you wear a mask because she is very worried and concerned about your welfare during this coronairus. Please don't fall asleep 😴 🙏 😫 😪 😩 😭yet 😴you'll miss her message for you... im going to stop talking zbout her personality there id so much lol.

What is my SpiritGuide messages?

Cressida has a numerology message she has been sending you many other synchronicity but she asks that you pay attention next for the number # 536 if you haven't seen it by now already...

WHATS IT MEAN ANYWAYS?

Number 536 is a blend of the energies and attributes of number 5 and number 3, and the vibrations of number 6. Number 5 resonates with major life changes, making important choices and decisions, promotion and advancements, adaptability and versatility, personal freedom and individuality, life lessons learned through experience and resourcefulness. Number 3 offers assistance and encouragement, communication and enthusiasm, growth, expansion and the principles of increase, broad-minded thinking, self-expression, talent and skills. Number 3 also resonates with the energies of the Ascended Masters. Number 6 relates to love of home, family and domesticity, honesty and integrity, responsibility, compassion and empathy, finding solutions, grace and gratitude, the ability to compromise, emotional depth, provision and providing and the material aspects of life.

Angel Number 536 brings a message from your angels to maintain a positive attitude in regards to your monetary and financial circumstances as changes are taking place that will ensure that your material and monetary needs are met. Your positive affirmations, prayers and optimistic outlook have manifested opportunities to attract prosperity and abundance into your life. Trust that your Spirit Guide(s) especially Cressida.. will surround, support and guide you through these important changes.

Number 536 is a message to trust that the changes you may be going through are happening for your highest good. These changes may involve your career choices, your place of residence and/or an important relationship. Your angels support you through these changes and offer guidance and assistance to make transitions easier. Trust that these changes will have positive effects on your life and will ensure a continued supply of abundance to meet your daily wants and needs.

Number 536 encourages you to move forward with positive plans and ideas as they will prove to be most beneficial in all ways for yourself and your loved ones. 

Spiritual Messages...

Cressida wants you to be inspired, creative and most of all live out your destiny!!

🙏 Please take this advice seriously! You need to think about:

Surrounding yourself with people who reflect the character traits you want to embrace.

🦋They will inspire and motivate you to build these traits in yourself.

🦋Try to avoid people who have a weak character and make bad decisions.

🦋When you live your life being true to yourself and honest with others you manifest positive energies and desired results and outcomes. Speak your truths with gentleness and love and accept others with grace and understanding.

Monthly Message from your Spirit Guide ✨ 💛 ❤ 💖

A creak you hear in the dark could be the settling of an old house, or it could be a burglar creeping on the stairs. Loud voices you hear coming in through the windows could be your neighbors arguing, or it could be those same neighbors sharing good news. The lamp going out on your nightstand could be a sign that electricity has shut down, or it could mean you need a new bulb. There is often more than one way to interpret something, and usually there's nothing to worry about. Remember that today, Taurus, if you are tempted to follow worrisome thoughts. It's more likely there's nothing to worry about.

🦋🌍🦋

This is a great week(jan 11th to jan 17th) for you to finally finish one or two of those big projects you put on hold a while back. You may have thought you would never be able to get to them, but if you actually put this into your schedule and get started, you should see that it will all fall into place, and you'll get everything else done that needs to be done. This is also an ideal time to complete important conversations that were left dangling, maybe because there was no answer at the time, or because someone was being elusive about responding. You should find it easier now to get answers and receive honest reactions. Crossing all of these things off your long list will give you a great sense of satisfaction. You may even find that because of this efficiency, you will be inspired by a new idea that allows you to tap into a talent you have not used lately, and that would be a great idea. You have been very assertive in trying to attract an investor, team member, or partner for some project you want to take on. However, you are advised now to take a wait-and-see approach and be patient. What you need will materialize if you kick back a bit and let it come to you.

Thank you for meeting your Spirit Guide!! If you have any questions, concerns, or additional specific questions to ask your Spirit Guide you can always Astral travel and speak to her directly but; if you prefer that I take another independent in depth dive into your world I will 🌍🦋 🌎 I will answer up to 2 questions per ask Thanks for allowing this experience to take place, please 🙏

🦋Like && Share this post 📫 ✨

Much Love😍 ❤ Divinae

[d-l-landcaslil]

My opinion on why is Endeavor’s redemption arc valid

I’ve been thinking about writing something like this for a while, but somehow I never did. But now I’m just going to ramble to cope with the anxiety the latest chapter gave me hhhh

So a lot of Endeavor stans get the question, why don’t we hate him, and I think this is a valid question (as long as you don’t attack us immediately and assume that we support all the wrong thing he’s done!). And I’m not here to convince anyone to like Endeavor. You can hate him, he deserved it. Just please don’t wish for his death in the current arc of the manga because if that happens everyone is fucked you don’t want that and also it hurts This for those who actually ask this question because they’re interested in the answer.

So here’s the thing. First of all I think he’s an amazing hero. Let’s not forget that he has the most solved cases ever, which means even more than All Might! He saved thousands of people. And his skills are just hella amazing, he is competent in almost all types of combat, and while AM gains his physical strength from his quirk, Enji’s quirk itself doesn’t provide it, it probably took him a lot of heavy training to get there. Sidenote for this he is hot af and can step on me any day and I’ll thank him.   Of course his heroic actions are no excuse for the abuse he did, but in my opinion the abuse he did does not diminish his merits as hero either. I admit this is arguable, but these are my views even on irl people of similar kind. 

So yes, I admit, as a person, he is extremely problematic, he abused his family, and it’s not something to be overlooked. But also his character is amazingly written. I think his backstory is one of those elements in the story, that tries to bring attention to the problems with the hero society. And boi, there’s a lot to unpack there. Firstly, what he represents is sadly common in real life too: that people (especially men) serving at the police, in the army, etc are abusing their power this way and getting away with it because of their rank. But not only this. This leads to even more complex problems within the entire hero community. And this is the rivalry between heroes and the toxic masculinity in the hero community. Now I’m not the one to quickly agree with Stain, because I’m fed up with the cliché of heroes having to be fully selfless (it’s their job and they need to eat and pay rent bruh) and that the whole system is corrupt BUT the fact that the hero ranking exists and forces the heroes to compete with each other is so wrong on so many levels. And of course there are certain heroes who can actually let this go and only focus on the job itself (e.g. Hawks), but there is a lot of pressure on everyone and not all of them can escape it. Don’t tell me it’s normal that Kiri had an inferiority complex for years bc he was too scared to attack a villain three times his size in 4th grade of middle school

And I think a lot depends on the family background. Notice, how the students/heroes who are not coming from a hero family or a family that expected the to become heroes (Deku, Uraraka, etc.) are way more chill about the whole thing, because they parents are proud of them af whatever little heroic thing they do. When it comes to Enji, we don’t know anything about his parents/family background but I have a really strong feeling that he was pressured into the marriage with Rei and into always being the best. Here’s why. We know that Fuyumi is 23 and there’s ~three years between the kids (bc that’s when the quirks appear) so Toya is probably 26. Enji is 46, so he was 20 when they had Toya. So he got married even before he became 20. Now don’t tell me a 19-20 yo young man, who has just graduated from UA (probably with flying colors) and already aims to be nr1 would decide to get married and have kids - even if he’s madly in love, nevermind out of convenience. (And even if he was in love with Rei /but he wasn’t/ and wanted to marry her, any descent parents would have stopped him.) Yes, he probably agreed, because he felt like that preserving and passing down his quirk is important, and that he himself is not enough to be the best and he needs a descendant who can do the job for the family reputation if he fails. Of course it’s all just assumption but DON’T TELL ME THAT THIS ALL WOULD HAVE HAPPENED if he just had A SUPPORTIVE FAMILY TO TELL HIM THAT HE IS A GREAT HERO AS HE IS AND HE DOESN’T NEED TO COMPARE HIMSELF TO OTHERS. NO, THEY DIDN’T TELL HIM THAT. Instead they used their money and power to arrange a quirk-marriage and set him up to be a husband and father while still struggling to become nr1. Now add this to Enji’s inherently grumpy, quick, aggressive temper, take away from him the chance to properly socialize with ppl of his age - and you get the textbook abusive man who brought the bad patterns from the family, added his own frustration and took it all out on his family he never really wanted. He might be an inherently bad tempered person. But no-one is born the way he is now. He could have unlearned a lot of it if the expectations of the hero society hadn’t fucked him up at a young age.

But he did what he did and there’s no excuse for that so let’s see why his redemption is still valid in my opinion. Also it’s more explicit manga spoilers from here (basically he talks about his future plans for his fam in the manga and I’m going to talk about it in detail). 

So what many abusers would probably do is to start acting kindly and try to win back their partner/family by promising to change again and again. But Endeavor doesn’t do that. Not only is he willing to stay away from them, but it’s him who stays in their old house and he’s planning to build a whole new house where the kids and Rei, who he wants to get out of the hospital he put her into (!) can live. without him. I had someone who told me they think he wants to be reunited later and he just gives them time but there’s no proof of this and it’s still not that bad. So yes, he admits that him staying away from them is the solution AND he uses his money and power to fix the situation as much as he can. Of course there are a lot of things he can never fix and my stomach still clutches when I watch his past in se2 but HE HAS LEARNED THE LESSON, HE ADMITTED HE FUCKED UP AND HE’S WORKING TO FIX IT AS MUCH AS HE CAN. And I can’t help to cheer for him to able to do that, because that’s the only outcome that’s good for everyone. 

Besides that, the scene where he tells Shoto he will do everything to make him proud and be the hero he can look up to always makes me cry  shows how he admits his mistakes too. He takes the things he said to Shoto, the expectations he raised towards him and admits that he himself haven’t fulfilled those expectations, so he needs to do that in order for Shoto to accept him. So he basically reversed the roles, he reversed the order of power, and he applies what he abused Shoto with to himself, but this time in a non-toxic way. Also, in the Endeavor agency arc we already see how he has a different attitude towards Shoto as his student. One more thing: you can see in that scene and also several times in the manga how he feels like shit when the kids are ignoring or confronting him. And even I think he deserves all of it, BUT this again proves THAT HE. HAS. LEARNED. HIS. LESSON. Yes, he was extremely abusive. No, it cannot be forgiven. But he basically admitted that he was one, got out of the life of those who were affected, tries to change and supports them from the distance. That’s the best he can still to in this fucked up situation. 

And as I witnessed his journey so far, I couldn’t help to start liking him. I cheer for him, I hope he can really change, I’m always excited to see him in action, and I’m really worried about him in the current situation. I think there’s way more potential in him than it was shown in the beginning. I hated him first too. But somehow he became my favorite pro hero and one of my favorite characters overall. 

This is the answer. If you read all this rambling you deserve a medal. 

A closing thought: I think it’s understandable that everyone reacts to Endeavor differently. He is the type of character who divides even the canon characters nevermind the fandom. It’s really interesting to see how all his kids react to him differently, and how they basically represent types of the ppl’s attitudes in the fandom. I realized I’m the Fuyumi type. But of course all are valid. But Dabi types please please let us mourn in peace if the thing happens QwQ 

[narastories]

Happy 291st Birthday, Lord John Grey! - A Natal Chart Reading for our dearest English Lord

This is very different from what I usually share here. By now you are all aware that we are celebrating the 291st birthday of Lord John Grey of Outlander.

For this occasion I took it upon myself to do a natal chart reading for him.

This is astrology applied to a fictional character, you have been warned. Continue at your own discretion.

Disclaimers:

I am not an astrologer

This is made in the spirit of appreciation of this character and his story. The purpose of this is pure fun on my part and hopefully to entertain some of you as well. Plus, maybe to provide some character-study-style insight or inspiration.

The character of Lord John Grey belongs to Diana Gabaldon - duh 

John’s birth date is canon. The time has been arbitrarily chosen by me. Yes, it is important, because there are a lot of moving parts to a natal chart. I have literally cycled through the day by the hour, compared charts and decided on the one that I’ve found most fitting to his character. Which, is by the way best practice, when you do not know your or someone else’s exact birth time, but are somewhat familiar with their character. And considering that even if our dearest Lord John were an actual historical figure, I’m pretty sure we wouldn’t have his exact birth time from 1729, so I don’t feel bad about my process.

The examples I may give here are both from the books and the show, but nothing too specific that would be considered spoiler.

Lastly, this is all my interpretation both about the astrological meanings and of his character. Feel free to disagree with me. Politely, if you please.

So, in good Outlander time-travelling fashion let’s transport ourselves back to the day Lord John Grey was born and look up to the sky to see what it has to tell us.

Sun in Gemini

Lord John is a Gemini, which makes him clever and witty. He takes pride in his intellect and uses it to reach his goals. He is extremely adaptable, and instantly finds his footing in the most various settings, whether that’s London’s high society, a remote village in Scotland, or a two week fishing trip in the wilderness of the Colonies.

As someone born under the sign of the Twins there is a natural duality to his personality, that we can observe many times. He is capable of great tenderness, yet he can also be extremely fierce. Brutal is perhaps not the right word, but as much as he is a gentleman, we do see him engaged in physical fight, where he is by no means unskilled. You can’t say it’s always self-defense either.

He often has an internal conflict between heart and mind, between duty and emotion.

Geminis make good actors, and Lord John is exceptional in that too. He has to be as a gay man in the 18th century, which creates another duality between the life he’s supposed to live as a solider and as a Lord, a respected member of high-society and all the things he craves but has to hide.

As a Gemini he is a great communicator. Good with people, small talk comes easy for him, but engaging in a deep intellectual conversation is what really fires him up (Shakespear, anyone? :P) He is pleasant to be around and has a good sense of humour. His skills are diverse and he makes friends easily as he moves from one adventure to the other.

Geminis are prone to restlessness, which Lord John demonstrates beautifully by fidgeting with every little knick-knack that accidentally lands between his well-manicured hands. (Why does he stash them away in his pockets? I’m afraid astrology has no answer for his accidental kleptomania.)

His Sun is in the Ninth House of mental and physical explorations. Long journeys of the mind and the body are prominent in his life and essential to his personality. He speaks multiple languages and uses them to express himself on a very personal and natural level - aka swearing in the language most appropriate to the level of shit he’s gotten himself into this time.

Libra Rising

His rising sign is Libra, which sheds light on how he presents himself and what he wants to be known for. People with Libra Ascendant have natural grace and a good style. Lord John has all of that and finds himself often in the spotlight for it. He doesn’t have to struggle to be successful, but more than anything he wants to be known as a kind and loving person, and I would argue he succeeds in that.

His rising sign is important, because his natal chart is ruled by Venus, the planet of love and beauty. He has a romantic nature, and has the ability to connect with anyone, anywhere at any given time.

Libra rising people are said to be very attractive and compatible with almost anyone and as we say around here Lord John Grey would have chemistry with a lamppost.

This doesn’t just extend to romantic partners, although he is the happiest when in a romantic relationship. He puts others at ease and is genuinely likeable.

He feels obligated to balance the situations he finds himself in, therefore he is a natural diplomat always striving to harmonize and negotiate. It also makes him a good listener.

He has a great sense of fairness and injustice angers him. He is social, has a generally positive outlook on life and is inspired by nature and art.

Moon in Aquarius

The moon sign represents the hidden side of someone’s personality, their emotions, their needs. It is also jokingly referred to as the “drunk you”, so let’s see who Lord John is after a few glasses of good Scottish whiskey.

At first glance there is nothing scandalous here, Aquarius is the most favorable sign for the Moon to be in. This gives him sensitivity and good perception. He tries to understand others’ perspective, and is rather idealistic.

However, people with the Moon in Aquarius are prone to sudden outbursts. How many times does he put his foot in his mouth and gets punched or called out to a duel for it? Yeah…

He can also push other’s over the edge emotionally, exactly because he is so perceptive, which actually does happen when he is drunk. This is not out of malice, but either out of pure authenticity or just because he knows it will get the other person out of a place of stagnation.

He hides a rebellious, progressive and unconventional soul under that well-tailored waistcoat of his and it does come out sometimes.

Ideally he needs to have a healthy outlet for this, a partner who appreciates his sometimes idiosyncratic nature and occasional eccentricities. In turn he won't flinch in the midst of the most challenging situations, because he’s not afraid of chaos.

He wants to find solutions that work for everyone and can neglect his own needs in the process.

If that wasn’t enough air for you, he also has a-

Grand Fucking Trine in the air signs

Which is a pretty big deal. (Moon in Aquarius - Pluto in Libra - Neptune and Mars in Gemini)

These influences all help and strengthen each other. He has a brilliant mind, his Intellect is exceptional, he has a deep concern for law and duty, and an unusually sharp sixth sense of unearthing shocking revelations.

He has a magnetic personality, great ability to express himself, and therefore leaves a lasting impression on others. He is able to inspire and lead others and his need for harmony and cooperation makes him a great negotiator.

Lots and lots of air influence, which also means that in the battle of the mind and the heart unfortunately the mind wins and he lets his heart break instead.

Let’s get back to Venus and love for a sec.

With this much air in the chart for him everything starts in the mind. He experiences desire in the mind first. He must have a great intellectual connection with someone, before their relationship could blossom into a romance (Venus in Gemini). His entry point to sex is also through words (Mars in Gemini). Think about all the witty foreplay and low-key dirty talk in the LJG books. And also, khm chess games...

Where does that occasional intensity and dominance come from, you ask?

Well, he does have Uranus in Scorpio (semisquare Venus in Gemini, semisquare his Sun in Gemini) which would explain why he is not always displaying the lighthearted, fun, fleeting ways of a Venus-in-Gemini lover. He does have a lot of sexual partners. But then we’ve already established that he would have chemistry with a lamppost.

His chart is heavy on the 9th and 10th houses of long distance travel, career and public standing, and these are probably the most important aspects of his life. He is a comparatively lucky person, with a lively social life, charming personality and strong morality (Jupiter in Cancer).

His great trauma lies in what squares Neptune and Mars in the 9th house. There is an opposition between his sexuality and dreams, and what ideas he is allowed to express publicly. He is sensitive to what others think (Mercury in Cancer), picks up signals very well and is therefore acutely aware of what he can and cannot say.

Here lies the greatest disappointment and loss in his life (Saturn in Pisces). He chooses to make personal sacrifices for the benefit of others.

His Chiron is in the 7th house of partnership and marriage, which I also find interesting. This minor planet get’s called the Wounded Healer. It makes me think about what Claire and Jamie says about wounds and Lord John. And it also makes me think about his marriage.

Well, if that doesn’t make for an interesting personality, I don’t know what does. I hope this has been at least half as fun to read as it was to write. Let me know what you think.

[strangertheory]

What about my son, Mike?

Mike Wheeler

(Nothing I say can truly summarize all my thoughts about Mike Wheeler. He's one of my favorite characters in the story! I have so much to say about Mike. But... here we go!)

Favorite thing about them:

Mike Wheeler is so open-hearted and passionately determined to do what is Right. Injustice and unfairness absolutely infuriates him. He is intensely loyal and protective of his friends. He is very much a Paladin in not only his D&D campaigns but also his own real life.

I love how Stranger Things makes it clear that you don't need to be macho or physically strong (or well coordinated, or fast on your feet) to be heroic. Mike is a true hero. He is a source of comfort and strength. He is humble and kind. He clearly sees the beauty in all his friends, but not always in himself. I don't think he realizes how important he is to the people in his life.

Mike Wheeler is a truly wonderful person. I wish more people in the world were like Mike.

Least favorite thing about them:

That's hard. If I had to identify a trait that Mike struggles with... hmm. Well: I find it kind of endearing, but I might argue that Mike can be a bit naive and unaware of certain things sometimes. For example: while Mike has a passionate, fire-spitting anger towards unfairness, he seems repeatedly shocked by certain kinds of injustice and that's part of why his first reaction is anger before he turns towards seeking a solution. He passionately believes in what is Right, and he cannot fathom that the unfairness isn't clear to those perpetrating it, whether that's his parents, Hopper, or someone more threatening. ("No I don't! No I don't understand!")

Favorite line:

"Well, if we're both going crazy, we'll go crazy together."

brOTP:

Mike and Lucas! They are clearly super close. I really enjoy their heated debates, and relate to their conversations a lot: like comparing Classic Coke and New Coke to The Thing and the remake. 😂 I debate things like that with friends all the time because even though it seems like an argument, it's kind-of just a mutual expression of shared interests that you enjoy discussing in-depth even if you don't agree. (Friendly disagreement and debate about shared interests can be a lot of fun! Yay, nerds!) I appreciate how Lucas often tries to help Mike with his problems whenever Mike is being totally oblivious. ("I just wish you'd consulted me! Cause the way you handled this: you're in deep shit!")

OTP:

Once upon a time a young boy went missing in Hawkins, and his close friend Mike Wheeler was determined to do everything he could to find him. Once he returned, Mike stayed by his side at the hospital, reminded him of the first time they met, and told him that he believes that "all this is happening for a reason" and that they would "go crazy together." Even if Will doesn't know about it yet, I truly believe that Mike is determined to keep that promise and that Mike is ultimately devoted to being by Will's side through everything. Now I'm just waiting for Will to realize that Mike is as devoted to him as he is devoted to Mike, and for Mike and Will to work through their fears together. I look forward to them finally being honest about their feelings with each other in future seasons. Mike Wheeler has no idea what to do with his feelings right now and he is also fully aware that his feelings are considered taboo in his community. Mike just wants to fit in and be accepted. He is trying so hard to grow up and be an adult now that he is going into high school. He thinks being an adult means abandoning things you love and conforming to societal expectations just like his mom and dad. "Just a little uncertainty can bring you down. And nobody wants to know you now! And nobody wants to show you how. So if you're lost and on your own... you can never surrender!" I believe that Mike is learning to accept and recognize his feelings for Will. Unfortunately, I do not think this will be an easy journey for either of them, but I am hopeful that they will each resolve their respective challenges and ultimately be happy together at the conclusion of the story.

nOTP:

As things currently stand for El's circumstances and life-experiences and maturity: I do not ship El and Mike. I care about El very much, and I am not very comfortable with her dating someone given that all of her memories of her life until a year ago involved being abused and completely isolated from normal society. She has no prior experience forming a healthy and safe attachment to another person. I don't feel comfortable with a 14 year old girl, that has not lived in society at all until very recently, and who has been horribly mistreated by those she had been taught to trust and obey, becoming romantically involved with the very first person that showed her any kindness in the outside world. She is a fast learner, but her naivité regarding the nuances of relationships is repeatedly and clearly demonstrated in the story ("What is friend?" "Would you be like my brother?" "Good screams?" "Bad screams?") Up until now: she literally lived her entire life being forced to do what Papa wanted. 👀 Even when she meets Benny, he manipulates her into telling him her name by withholding her food. Yes, he was a good guy. But I want El to know she doesn't have to give anyone ANYTHING in order to be fed. To deserve respect. To deserve safety and love. El might still be passively seeking to please others that are kind to her because it is how she has learned to survive. I hope she continues to learn that she doesn't have to do that. I'm glad that Max has encouraged El to be her own person, to demand Mike's honesty, to "try things on until [El] finds something that feels like [her]," to learn what she actually likes and to have her own opinions and desires that are not tied to the expectations and desires of others, and to "make her own rules." Whatever happens in El's storyline and in her relationships in the future: I hope she continues to embrace who she is and learns to love herself, while also learning more about this big world that is now at her feet for the first time in her entire life.

random headcanon:

Joyce is a little envious of Mike's collection of Will's drawings, but she doesn't say anything because she's glad they are so close. (My mom immediately wants to keep anything I make! When I give art to my sweetheart she still gets a bit jealous and wants it for herself.)

unpopular opinion:

My nOTP is probably (?) my most unpopular opinion about Mike. (And by extension, my OTP.) I am aware that not everyone interprets the story and the characters in the same way that I do. These are simply my interpretations of the subtext of Mike's relationships in Stranger Things, and we might have to agree to disagree.

song I associate with them:

Smalltown Boy by Bronski Beat, which is on his official Spotify playlist.

favorite picture of them:

[voltrontranscript]

VLD S8E8: Clear Day

Season 8 Episode 8: Clear Day

Transcribed by @dragonofyang

Summary: The crew on the IGF-Atlas spends some time on planet Drazan during Clear Day to unwind, meanwhile Allura stays onboard and discovers that nothing ever truly disappears, and that there is power still that can turn the tide of the war.

[Google Doc]

Allura: Tavo, I want to thank you for speaking with me.

Tavo: Forgive me, Princess Allura, but we don’t have much time.

Allura: I’m sorry?

Tavo: Please. Once Honerva discovers I’m speaking with you, it will be over.

Allura: Slow down. What are you trying to--?

Tavo: Listen to me. Now that she has Lotor, she will use him to destroy everything--

Allura: Tavo! Wait! I feel something.

Sam: Get them out of there! Reverse the magnetic polarity once the room is cleared. The impulse prism might just stabilize the foreign object.

[Scene change to Sam and Allura observing the dark entity in its container.]

Sam: This unit uses the ship’s crystal to energize the optronic vacuum casing. It was designed to contain diseases, but it should suffice until we find a more permanent solution.

Allura: Thank you, Sam. That thing, it was as if it was communicating with me. Whatever this is, it might be how Honerva connects to the Alteans.

Sam: Perhaps you should get some rest. It’s best if everyone stays away from this until we learn more about… Allura?

Allura: You’re right. Best to stay away.

[Scene change to the IGF-Atlas bridge.]

Garrison Officer: Captain, I’m picking up an abnormal signal from planet Drazan in the zeta-three sector.

Shiro: Open a hailing frequency. We need to find out what’s going on.

Veronica: Copy.

Shiro: This is Takashi Shirogane of the Voltron--

Burr: Well, if it isn’t the Voltron Coalition. And here I was thinking you were afraid to show your face after ruining the last Clear Day.

Coran: Yes, sorry about that. That was--that was on me.

Shiro: We noticed a lot of activity on your planet’s surface. Are you in danger?

Burr: Opposite! We’re celebrating Clear Day!

Coran: Hang on, isn’t Clear Day four movements from now?

Burr: Time dilation, you snarflaf! It’s right now. So unless you’d like to waste more of my time, I need to get back.

Shiro: Are you sure hosting a celebration is safe? This sector has seen a lot of hostile activity lately.

Burr: Oh, here we go. I knew this was coming. In fact, I just told my wife. I said to her, “Just you wait. You don’t know them the way I do. They promise to show up. You tell everyone that Voltron is coming to Clear Day. Everyone gets excited. Then Voltron never arrives, and you’re left with your top two paws stuck in the rocks!”

Shiro: We don’t wanna ruin your holiday, but we’re concerned--

Burr: We’re having Clear Day, and that is that! If you’re so worried about our safety, then how about you show up and provide security? Free of charge!

Shiro: Veronica, make an announcement to the Atlas. We’re going to Clear Day.

[Scene change to Allura’s quarters, where Lance and Allura are cuddling in bed.]

Lance: Are you sure you don’t wanna head down to the carnival? I’m pretty sure the Swathian Meerakeet won’t try to eat us.

Allura: I’m sure. I haven’t been feeling well, especially after what happened to Tavo. I need to rest.

Lance: Right. Well, I could stay here with you, keep you company if you want.

Allura: Please, go have fun. Maybe you can win me a prize. Something sparkly?

Lance: Yeah, okay. Winning prizes is kinda my specialty. I am a sharpshooter, after all.

[Scene change to several ships flying to the surface of Drazan.]

Shiro: I want you all to enjoy yourselves today. The celebration ends in five vargas. It’s important to remember that while the Atlas patrols the skies, we are the eyes and ears on the ground looking for any suspicious activity. These people are relying on us.

Coran: I pulled some strings and got each of you ten complimentary Clear Day tokens. Use them for games, foods, rides--

Pidge: Where’s Allura?

Lance: She’s going to stay back and rest. I just need to find something to bring back for her.

Pidge: That’s nice of you, Lance. I’ll help, too.

Hunk: Me three.

Keith: Let’s remember why we came here in the first place: to provide security for the event.

Pidge: Right. Well, I better go find the arcade and make sure it’s safe, yeah!

Lance: Uh, me, too!

Hunk: Me three!

Coran: Uh, wait for me!

Shiro: Keith, relax. Go have fun.

Keith: If we’re not here for protection, then what are we even doing here?

Shiro: Morale on the Atlas is low after what happened on Oriande. Who knows? A few hours at the carnival might just give us the boost we need to get back on track.

[Scene change to Allura laying in bed.]

Allura: Lance? What are you doing here?I thought you were going to the carnival.

Dark Entity (as Lance): That’s a beautiful flower. Where did you get it?

Allura: Colleen gave it to me. It’s a real juniberry flower. I assumed they had gone extinct.

Dark Entity (as Lotor): You should know better than anyone, nothing ever truly goes extinct. It’s good to see you again, Princess.

Allura: How? How did you get in here?

Dark Entity (as Lotor): You know, the ancients believed that all of life began with a single juniberry flower. I thought you’d be happy to see me.

Allura: What are you doing here? I demand to know!

Dark Entity (as Lotor): You and I desire the same thing. We both seek to destroy Haggar.

Allura: Haggar? Haggar is no longer. She’s Honerva now.

Dark Entity (as Lotor): True, though I could rename this a highlands poppy, you and I would both know what it truly is. The witch may change her name, but she will always be a witch.

Allura: Be that as it may, she’s too powerful. There’s nothing I can do to counter her abilities.

Dark Entity (as Lotor): You are mistaken. Everything you need is here.

Allura: How?

Dark Entity (as Lotor): This entity holds the power you seek. It is an ancient form of energy that predates time itself. It hails from the Quintessence Field. Entities like this gave Haggar the ability to conquer worlds and control the universe for ten thousand years. She recognizes the strength it provides her, and she uses it. If you can become one with the entity, then the powers you gain can defeat the witch.

[Scene change to a vision of Altea.]

Dark Entity (as Melenor): Allura.

Allura: Mother!

Dark Entity (as Melenor): I am so happy you’re here. You have arrived just in time.

Allura: Just in time? For what?

Dark Entity (as Melenor): To save us. Only you can protect us.

Dark Entity (as Melenor): I am so proud of you.

[Cut to Allura waking up in bed.]

Allura: It--it’s okay. It was only a dream.

[Cut to Pidge in the arcade.]

Arcade Game: I’m Coran, Coran, the non-truth telling man. Pick up that mallet and bomp me on the cranker before I can tell you a lie. Bomp me enough times and you’ll win a great prize!

Pidge: Yeah-ha-ha!

Arcade Game: Ah! No! Come on! See here! Stop it!

[Cut to a big-top tent as Shiro enters.]

Burr: Well, look who decided to actually show up.

Shiro: Good to see you, too, Burr.

Burr: Couldn’t help but notice the Blue Lion ain’t here. That’s fine. Can’t expect Voltron to completely follow through on their promises.

Shiro: What’s going on over here?

Burr: That’s the arm wrestling contest. It ain’t for people like you.

Shiro: Why is that? Because of my arm?

Burr: No. Arm wrestling is for the young and strong. You’re old, like me. Those kids would break you in half, mechanical arm or not.

Shiro: Is it too late to sign up?

Burr: Mm, I’m sure we could work something out.

[Scene change to a screaming Drazan on a stage.]

Host: Nice job, Glurry. Very respectable scores. Not bad at all. Now for our next contestant in the yalmor calling competition, please welcome Corin!

Coran: Right, then. Just do what Pop-Pop taught you to do.

[Scene change to Hunk sampling something on a stick.]

Keith: Look, guys, I just wanna know if you’ve seen anything suspicious.

Drazan Girl: Well, there is one weirdo who’s going around and bothering people about if they’ve seen anything suspicious.

Keith: Okay, that’s a start. Did you get a good look at… It’s me, isn’t it?

Hunk: Hey-o! Whatcha doing, Keith? Making new friends? Sweet. You know, it’s good to see you finally letting your guard down.

Keith: I wasn’t making friends.

Ride Operator: Next! Come on, you’re holding the line up! Let’s go!

Hunk: The line? Line for what?

Woman: Yeah, get out of here!

Man: What’s taking so long? Move!

Hunk: Oh. Uh, no, no. You don’t understand. I don’t like rides.

Ride Operator: Then, why were you in line?

Keith: We didn’t know it was a line!

Ride Operator: Likely story. Keep your hands and feet in the mouth at all times. You use ‘em, you lose ‘em. Have a blissfully burrowful time.

Mechanical Drazanites: [singing] We burrow every day! Underground is where we stay, waiting for the time to say, “Clear Day, Clear Day!”

Hunk: This is awesome!

Mechanical Drazanites: [singing] Clear Day, Clear Day, Clear Day! What do we say? Clear Day, Clear Day, Clear Day!

Hunk: Huh?

Ride Operator over PA: Sorry for the inconvenience. We’ll get this thing up and running in a tick. In the meantime, stay in your burrow buggy. And remember, have a blissfully burrowful time.

Mechanical Drazanites: [singing] What do we say? Clear Day, Clear Day, Clear Day! What do we say? Clear Day, Clear Day, Clear Day!

Keith: I gotta get out of here.

[Scene change to the arcade where a Drazanite child receives a purple lion toy.]

Drazan Child: Oh!

Lance: Voltron doesn’t have a Purple Lion.

Game Operator: Wanna play? All you gotta do is throw one of these rings onto one of them sticks. Win one for your special someone?

Lance: You got any Blue Lions? I used to be the Blue Lion’s Paladin and now my girlfriend is, so it’s--it’s kind of our thing.

Game Operator: Oh, is that right? Let me see. I happen to have a one-of-a-kind, collector’s edition blue mechanical flying feline.

Lance: Perfect! How much? They only gave us ten of these token thingies.

Game Operator: Oh, wonderful! Ten tokens is exactly how much it costs to play the game!

Lance: Did these rings shrink?

Game Operator: Oh, no, friend. They just look smaller in your strong, muscular hands.

Lance: Hm.

Game Operator: Oh! So close. Care to try again?

Lance: Oh, this game is rigged! And I don’t have any more tokens.

Game Operator: Well, perhaps we can make a deal.

[Scene change to Pidge at a counter with a mountain of tickets in front of her.]

Pidge: What’s the best prize you have?

Prize Counter Girl: Every prize is the best prize, and everyone goes home a winner.

Pidge: Okay, but say I was giving the prize to a princess.

Prize Counter Girl: For a princess? Behold.

Pidge: I’ll take it!

Prize Counter Girl: Sure, but you’re gonna need about twice as many tickets as this.

Pidge: But I don’t have any more tokens.

Prize Counter Girl: Well, in that case, you could get one of these shovels and use it to dig your way out of the hole you find yourself in.

Pidge: I’ll find a way to get more tickets.

[Scene change to a shooting game where the MFE pilots are playing then to the arm-wrestling contest.]

Shiro: May the best man win.

Alien: Who are you calling a man?

Man: Alright!

Man 2: Yeah!

[Cut to the Holts at a photo booth.]

Pidge: Dad, I ran out of tokens!

Sam: Well, that’s what happens when you waste it all on--

Pidge: Dad!

Sam: Okay. How much do you need?

Pidge: How much do you got?

Colleen: You’ll have to earn them. I want a family picture.

Pidge: I’ll take the picture, but I pick the costume.

Colleen: I get to add one accessory and you have to smile.

Pidge: Half-smile.

Colleen: You’ve got yourself a deal.

Photographer: Say “Clear Day”!

All: Clear Day!

Colleen: I want another picture. Katie isn’t smiling.

Pidge: Sorry! Gotta go do paladin stuff!

[Scene change to the dark entity’s holding chamber.]

Allura: It’s been here the entire time.

Dark Entity (as Lotor): Everything you need, the ability you’ve been seeking, within your grasp. Go ahead, Allura. Free it.

Allura: I can’t. I won’t.

Dark Entity (as Lance): It won’t do any harm. The entity will help you. It will save all of us.

Dark Entity (as Lotor): Take it.

Allura: No. No. This is not real!

Dark Entity (as Melenor): Only you can save us all. Release the entity.

Dark Entity (as Melenor and Honerva): Come home to Altea.

Dark Entity (as Honerva): Join us.

Lotor: Follow me!

[Scene change to Hunk and Keith in the ride.]

Mechanical Drazanites: [singing] We burrow every day! Underground is where we stay, waiting for the time to say, “Clear Day--

Ride Operator over PA: Looks like everything is in order. We apologize for the delay. Again, have a blissfully burrowful time.

Keith: Finally.

Mechanical Drazanites: [singing] Clear Day, Clear Day, Clear Day! What do we say? Clear Day, Clear Day--

Keith: That’s it! I’m getting out of here. You coming?

Hunk: Can we come back when the ride gets fixed? I wanna see how it ends. Aw, man. Alright, wait up! Oh… where are we?

Emcee: Ladies and burrowmen, this is it! Only two remain in the yalmor calling competition. Who will be our champion?

Keith: Is that Coran?

Coran: She’s done a twist on the Flogarian technique. She’s good, really good.

Emcee: Wow! A blagmore and two durgises. That score is gonna be hard to beat.

Center Judge: Just gorgeous.

Emcee: Three blagmores! The top prize for the best squoozle of the day goes to Corn-man Hieronymus Wimbleton Smythe!

[Cut to a close up of a Blue Lion plush.]

Lance: And that’s the last one.

Vendor: Here you go.

Coran. Nice plushie!

Lance: Nice trophy!

Pidge: Look what I got for Allura. I bet she’s really gonna dig it.

Keith: Where’s Shiro?

[Scene change to the arm wrestling competition stage.]

Burr: Ladies and burrowmen, are you ready to crown an arm wrestling champion? First up is our challenger, former Paladin of Voltron and the current captain of the IGF-Atlas. Hailing from some tiny planet no one has ever heard of. It’s Shiro! And our reigning champion, who needs no introduction, let’s hear it for the Warden!

Warden: You!

Burr: Friend of yours?

Shiro: Not exactly.

Warden: You and your little friends took away my livelihood.

Shiro: You held an innocent person prisoner to help the Galra Empire. I’d gladly do it again.

Warden: Look, I know I did some bad things. The truth is, I thought you guys ruined my life, but, really, you saved me. After I stopped working for the Galra, I was at a low point, but then I found arm wrestling, and it helped me realize what’s most important in my life. Win or lose, thank you. Now, let’s put on a show!

Coran: Rip his arm off! Rip his arm off!

Pidge: You got this!

Warden: You’re alright, Shiro.

[Scene change to Allura, laying unconscious in the room where the Dark Entity was being held.]

Sam: Allura! Allura, are you okay?

End.

[taisniere]

[English] The "YES" list

[Sorry for my bad english, i’m french, i try my best to be understandable]

Because there is not only a unique way to live your therianthropy nor really a "101 guide of theperfect little therianthrope".

Here is a list of "yes" that proves your legitimacy in your animality despite your differences with other animal-people that you may come across on the net.

"Ask 10 people to describe and explain therianthropy to you ... and you will have 11 answers!"

- Yes, all beliefs are legitimate. You can perceive your animality as linked to esotericism, you can believe in reincarnation, in past lives (to have been a human like animal in the past) or the feeling of coming from another plane of the universe. In the same way, you can perceive your identity as psychological, neurological, linked to a neuroatypia, a mental illness, post-traumatic stress and so on. You are free in the way you view your inner creature. However, you cannot force anyone to believe you and verbal abuse is not the solution. Let yourself go to who you are without imposing your beliefs, you cannot force a person to believe in the astral or seek to influence it. You can debate and exchange but not harass a person who does not have the same point of view as you. Always be respectful and try to understand the person in front of you, even if you may be pissed off at times. Therianthropy is above all an identity and a feeling, no one can know better than you who you are.

- Yes, we have the right to be an animal ... And to have nothing to do with it! You can have a whole bunch of passions and hobbies that seem more representative of who you are. Animal identity does not have to be the only pillar of your existence (but you have the full right to make it a specific interest). Your life can be punctuated by your animality. For others, it is just basic information - about themselves - like wearing glasses or enjoying playing chess. There is no more valid way to live your therianthropy than the other.

- Yes, you can act like an animal if it feels good (or even use toys for animals), if it brings you closer to your theriotype, reduces your anxiety, calms your dysphoria and allows you to find yourself in self-stimulating. Shifting is not necessarily involuntary. Shifter can be a way of "stimulating" as a person with autism or with ADHD would do to reassure themselves and reclaim their body and their environment. This does not make you a "linker" or a "fake" but helps you to appreciate and support your daily life ... something that can be complicated for an animal person (sensory sensitivity, feeling of shift, feeling of suffering related to your kind, nostalgia for your "house" and so on). Be careful, "imitating an animal" does not necessarily make you a therian. Anyone can bite, scratch or squeak. However, in a therian person, it is important to find tips to better understand his everyday life (this does not excuse anyone to behave badly in public or to be violent, I say it often but it is important to repeat it). Finally, have shift is absolutely not an obligation to be therian. There is as much a way of experiencing one's animality as being an animal person.

- Yes, it can be nice to wear "gears", that is to say accessories related to your animal. You may or may not like to wear dog collars (a nod to his situation as a "domesticated" animal in a human world), false teeth, tails and more. It is ABSOLUTELY not an obligation to be a "real". It is also a question of comfort and well-being. If putting on your false ears is good for you, do it! The main thing is to better live our animal condition. However, not everyone is necessarily open-minded. Wearing gears can provoke derogatory comments, remarks and looks from passers-by. Similarly, it is possible to be intimidated and humiliated by one's comrades or even to receive complaints from teachers. I am not saying that their attitude is justifiable (on the contrary) but we live in a western society with very ingrained standards and we cannot be unanimous. In this case, I advise you to put your accessories in your pockets or bags (to keep them not far from you and "feel" their reassuring presence wherever you are) or even carry a key ring. Never be too far from "the animal" without displaying it. After, this is only my advice!

- Yes, in the same way, you have the perfect right not to like these so-called "gears" and not to wear them. You are free in your mind and in your body. Nobody has the right to insult you because you do not feel the need to wear a false tail on your pants.

- Yes, phantom limbs can be a real, engaging feeling. Yes, viewing is just as legitimate. Some people rarely - never see - feel phantom limbs. It does not matter ! This does not invalidate you in the community! However, "imagining" can be a comforting solution. You can visualize your tail, your muzzle, your wings, your scales. As with shifts, the main thing is well-being. No one is in your place except yourself. Make your life beautiful and don't worry about trivial things. If you like to feel your fangs sticking out of your mouth, phantom limbs or not, you remain just as legitimate in your feelings and needs.

- Yes, dysphoria exists in alter-human people and no, it is not the reappropriation of suffering of transgender individuals. Dysphoria is a word that can mean many things: a “hatred” towards his body (weight, face…) which is very gripping, suffering vis-à-vis his body which is not one of its kind (being the best known case among transgender and non-binary people) but also the feeling that his body is simply not the right one. It is legitimate for a therianthrope person to feel bad about themselves. Feel that his environment is not the right one. The suffering is just as real, it is there, as strong and recurring. Please note, I am not saying at all that this suffering is similar to that of transgender and non-binary people. I'm not saying there should be an "alter-human" PRIDE (something that has nothing to do with dysphoria per se ... see my other articles). I'm just saying that this pain exists in many circumstances and no one can know better than someone else whether or not they really suffer. There are many tips to reclaim your body. Guides "care guide", for example, where I invite you to take a look. Pain is not a unique way to be experienced. We are all humans and therefore all unique. Don't feel you have to always justify your pain.

- Yes, you have the right to be LGBT + and to be therian at the same time. Yes, you have the right not to be LGBT + and to be therian anyway. Gender identity or sexual orientation is completely independent of your animality. There are no reconciliations to make, these are two separate things! You cannot take ownership of the struggles that transgender or homosexual people experience, such as the need for political recognition or rights to survive in this LGBTphobic society.

In short, yes, you have the right to dream, to imagine, to feel, to be a creature in private, to want to disguise yourself, to be indifferent ... in short, to let yourself exist!

Hoping that this list of "yes" reassured you.

Do not hesitate if you have questions or ideas of things to add.

Hoping that this could help young therians (or even all therians for short!) In lack of confidence vis-à-vis their feelings and their person. Thanks.

[thejoshscogin]

In most tragic events, both global and regional, I typically like to do my part to assist or help, while remaining in the background. Whether it is donating money, protesting, physically building houses, traveling out to give food and water to people, or any other potential aid I am able to contribute...these are done as “under the radar” as possible. Because, I am not usually a fan of the “look at me“ spotlight mentality, while the issues of the world should be getting the spotlight.

Now, I understand it is 2020 and “If you didn’t Gram it, it didn’t happen!“ but as a very private-introvert with a very strong moral compass, I personally don’t need the verification from social media to affirm my actions. Or, to put it more correctly, I don’t need the verification of social media to stroke an ego. In short, social media can often (but not always) take advantage of the “Never let a good crisis go to waste“ dogma. It can feel more about gaining “LIKES” and followers and a general “look at what I did“ pat-on-the-back, than focusing on the real issue at hand.

With all of that being said, this time it feels different. I’m still contributing in areas that I’m able, but the overwhelming morality of making it clear where I stand, outweighs the morality of not seeking vanity/self-aggrandizement. Obviously I’m still NOT here for vanity/self-aggrandizement but keeping in the background doesn’t feel like the correct path to take on this particular event dealing with race and humanity. So let me be clear.

The short version goes like this…

- I support Black Lives Matter! (duh)

- I support peaceful protests of civilians.

- I don’t support the violent looting and destruction of properties, but I understand them. I’ll speak more on that later.

- I don’t support the riots brought on by the police.

- I don’t support any authoritarian/dictator/tyrant in office that tries to hinder or remove our freedom of speech.

The long version goes like this…

I love America, or to put it more correctly, I love the potential of America. I have been fortunate enough to travel around the world many, many times (sweet brag Josh 😑) and there are so many wonderful places on this planet I would love to live but I always return home, to America.

We are not perfect (duh, no country is) and the harsh truth is that we will probably never fully end racism. I reckon there will always be idiots who hate other humans for something as pointless as skin color or as trivial as “Your pants are too tight.” or (insert any other juvenile scenario) but as Americans, if we feel like those idiots have become the people in power (police, leaders, presidents etc etc.) we have the right to freedom of speech. We have the right to voice our feelings against authority, and make a change. We have the right to protest.

Now let me be very clear, I am a full believer in peace! I believe that hate breeds more hate. I believe that violence breeds more violence. So, when these protests turn into looting and destruction of properties, it can feel like those people have lost the focus of the original task at hand. However, I also understand that when the pendulum has been so far on one side for so long, it is only natural for it to swing to the other side with brute force. Also, when the (very) peaceful protests of people like Colin Kaepernick are ignored, and in many ways punished, I can fully understand why stronger actions are felt justified and needed.

As Americans, we have the right to raise our voice when we see something needs to be corrected. So, when the peaceful, “indoor voice”, of the calm and collected Kaepernick doesn’t reach the ears of the giants in power ...or to put it more correctly, when it reaches the ears of the giants in power and yet, is completely ignored... it is only a matter of time before America feels like only a scream will suffice.

We must not forget that Kaepernick originally sat on the bench during the national anthem. It was only later that he decided it would be MORE respectful if he joined his team mates on the field and simply took a knee. I don’t know how he could have protested in a more peaceful (and respectful) way. That was like 4 or maybe 5 years ago, and yet, here we are. He tried. He gave peace a chance. Yet, here we are.

The cyclical tragedy of what happened to George Floyd is a real shame to the American powers that be. If only real measures and actions would’ve been taken from the lessons that should have been learned from Breonna Taylor or Freddie Gray or Eric Garner or Michael Brown or any of these people below (to name a few) with very similar scenarios.

Now I don’t even claim to know how to instantly fix these problems, but there are a few basic things that sure seem like it would have at least helped. First of all, people should have been fired! I’m not just talking about the individuals directly dealing with the deaths, they should be in jail, but I’m talking about any and all police officers who had a history of racism or known violent tendencies, they should have been fired, all across the nation. Secondly, real actions should have been taken after these events. I understand that eventually things like body cameras etc. came into affect but what’s the point, if it’s okay to just turn them off whenever they feel like it, with no repercussions in doing so.

Side Note: Hey cops, if you feel the need to turn your cameras off, then you are doing something wrong. If you feel the need to cover up your badge in anyway, then you are doing something wrong. If you feel the need to force other people with cameras to leave the scene, then you are doing something wrong. And there should be deep and drastic consequences for any cops doing any of the above mentioned. Also, to be clear, I am not necessarily anti-cop (in theory). I know a few cops and in fact, I feel like some of our other issues of today’s police force might have been sorted or at least minimized if, a long time ago, we would have paid cops a whole lot more money. But that’s a topic for another time and not on social media. End of side note:

1991 is the first scenario I can personally remember of police brutality of an unarmed black man that became very publicized. If only dramatic measures would have been taken from the lessons that should have been learned from way back when Rodney King was in the spotlight. Imagine what nearly 30 years of progress would look like today if we would have started it back then. Our situation now, would be very different and I could assume many lives would have been spared and generally just an overall quality-of-life would be better. Shame on the powers that be, that nearly 30 years later we are still watching, shot for shot, the exact same movie unfold again and again. It blows my mind that we are still dealing with the vastness of this issue.

So where do we go from here? What are some productive steps towards ending police brutality on black people? Well, unfortunately, the quickest and most sustainable solutions would have to come from the top. If the police chiefs of the nation would fire all of the racist idiots, there would be an instant and obvious difference in the right direction. I have more thoughts on that but, assuming there is no Chief of police reading this, I’ll save you the time...

As civilians, there are still things that can be done to assist the steps to getting us further towards the right direction. Since the majority of the people reading this are most likely NOT the closed-minded-racists who are the problems, the solutions can seem less direct but every step (big or small) in the correct direction adds up.

In the short term, I think the most direct thing you can do is to donate money or protest if you are able. If you are someone in power then you should fire all the racist idiots. I’m not just talking about the police force. If you are an employer of any sort, you should remove the bad apples and do your best to never hire them in the first place.

In the long term I think the best actions are to vote! Or, to put it more correctly, study up on politicians, know where they stand on topics that are important to you, and then VOTE! Please, for the love of America, don’t JUST VOTE without the due diligence. Vote big, like the presidential candidates etc. Vote small, like local jurisdictions and authorities etc. Lastly, I think it is very important to mix and mingle with folks outside of your top 8. It will do you good, it will do our country good. As I mentioned before, if you are reading this then you’re likely already fairly open minded but just remember, it can be a subtle and steady danger to ONLY communicate with the same inner sanctum of people that believe the exact same intricacies as you do. Communicate with lots of people, with lots of backgrounds. Diversify, and remember, communication is a dialogue not a monologue.

There are so many other things that can be done. These are just the first few that popped in my head.

Last thing and then I’m out. I do believe we will come out on the other side of this better than when we went in. The death of George Floyd is a tragedy and it is compounded by all of the previous tragedies that took place before him, regardless if they got publicity or not. But, look around, we are not sitting idly by.

When we all share the same voice and sing the same song, the mountains can be moved.

I would love to, in my lifetime, live in a country where every human felt safe, respected and appreciated. I would love to, in my lifetime, live in a nation where we celebrated all of our extensive differences. I would love to, in my lifetime, live in a land where the police were there to protect and the police were there serve. And I would love to, in my lifetime, have all humans feel truly equal. Change is coming. Or, to put it more correctly, change is upon us.

Sincerely,

Josh Scogin

“Your old road is rapidly agin'

Please get out of the new one

If you can't lend your hand

For the times they are a-changin' “

-Bob Dylan

[axe-trio-commanders]

The Whole Truth

Yeah, beginning of PoF was... rough, for Seremnis. That’s what happens when the commander disappears after fighting a deity in a volcano, though. Spoilers for PoF, lws3, and personal story, as well as mention of death, grieving, and a whole lot of not knowing how to communicate properly. Also Kasmeer!

---

It was... nice out, tonight. Seremnis supposed having less clouds in the desert was... natural. She’d heard, once, that somewhere out here they’d built an Astralarium- looked out at the stars from some form of impressive building. It... it’d been a little while since she’d looked at the stars- the real ones, since she’d begun simply replicating them in her dreams, but it was... she needed the comfort. And while it’d be... nice, maybe, to share the view with someone...

She’d only allow a small twitch of her ears in recognition of it, but she felt someone else approaching- familiar, not an enemy, but who exactly it was she wasn’t quite...

...Seremnis looked as they sat down beside her, hardly making a sound- recognizing with unhidden surprise that it was... Kasmeer, of all people. She’d doubted it would be Rytlock, but Canach... honestly, she’d been hoping to talk to him anyways.

“...Couldn’t sleep?” The mesmer asked, attention focused on Seremnis- who, on her part, looked back up to the stars.

“...No,” she answered, after some thought. It... didn’t seem smart to-

“Why not?”

...Well. There went that option. For a moment, she imagined it, floating off into the distance, on the wind... right into a forged camp... gone, burned to ashes... there it went. “...There’s a lot to think about.”

“...Care to be any more specific?”

Seremnis... tried not to wince at the irritation in her tone. It wasn’t like she could blame her- they’d just come out of Kormir’s temple, attacked by the follower of another of their gods- not to mention that Marjory wasn’t there. But... given what relatively little she knew about Kormir, she’d... expected Kasmeer to be the hardest to talk to out of all of them. She’d expect the truth. Likely all of it.

“...Not really.”

Seremnis didn’t have to look at Kasmeer to know the answer only made things worse, but... she wasn’t sure what to say. How exactly did she articulate the vast number of problems she was currently dealing with in an even vaguely succinct way?

“Seremnis.” ...Oh, pale mother help her... “I know Aurene trusts you. I know the commander... trusted you.” Seremnis dug her fingers into the sand, tensing. The commander wasn’t gone, she was just- ...missing. For now. They’d find her. “But I find it hard to trust you to lead us when you never tell us anything.”

And... there it was. Honestly, she expected it sooner, but... she supposed there hadn’t really been time until this... long roadtrip north. And as much as she’d stayed up at night thinking about it, she was... no closer to a solution.

“...You could... find someone else,” she eventually suggested.

“Now? In the middle of a desert, chasing after the Herald?” Kasmeer responded dryly.

“I’m not going to start listing off secrets because you asked me to,” Seremnis muttered back.

“And why not?”

“It’s not that simple.” Seremnis paused, noting the bite in her own tone and forcing it back down. “...I am... aware that this is... a lot. And I am also aware that we see the matter of truth differently.” Seremnis finally looked back at Kasmeer, trying to judge how she was... taking that. She didn’t look... happy, or... convinced, but it wasn’t... worse...? “...You... follow Kormir. A god of truth. You’ve worked as a detective for... a while now, discovering truth.”

“...And you’re in Whispers?” She said it like it was an excuse she’d heard too many times before- and Seremnis bristled, forcing her own mouth shut until she’d managed to calm herself down again. She still... wasn’t exactly comfortable with anyone knowing that, but... it probably was inevitable, at this point.

“...And I awoke into the cycle of Night,” she continued, doing her best not to grit her teeth. “We can see the value of truths, yes, but also the value of secrets. There are things certain people are better off not knowing.” ...Examples, maybe? Examples might help. “Our firstborn luminary, Malomedies, is an astrologer and mathematician- he finds truths, though it’s... difficult to get close enough to him to get him to share them in earnest. And... Caithe is a night bloom as well.”

“...Didn’t Caithe keeping secrets end up hurting?”

“Not all of them. If she’d told everyone what sylvari were much earlier, you would have-”

“No. Mordremoth I understand, to a point, but you said yourself that she never told you about Faolin.”

Seremnis... paused, unsure of how to respond for a moment. “...I learned anyways.”

“But don’t you think it hurt her, not to tell anyone?” Seremnis refused to look at her, but she could still feel Kasmeer edging closer. “The truth is a risk, but so are secrets, and you’re keeping so many that none of us have any idea who you are. You’re only going to hurt yourself if you keep that up.”

“Then I’m the only one hurt, and you don’t have anything to worry about,” Seremnis concluded smoothly- becoming aware, rather immediately after, that this was probably the worst way to respond.

“I have you to worry about! I have Dragon’s Watch to worry about! How in the six can you not see this is a problem?”

Seremnis shifted in place, uncomfortable. “It’s not- that I don’t see it, I...” She trailed off, desperately trying to find some way to justify this.

“Then why haven’t you fixed it?”

“...I don’t... know how,” came the final... pathetic answer. It was an excuse, and it was a terrible one, and she... honestly hated that it... really was the entire truth of it.

A long, and... heavy silence followed. Seremnis didn’t quite care to see what Kasmeer thought of it- nothing good, she was sure- but... she was sure Kasmeer would need more than that to believe it.

“Like... like I said, I was... born in the night cycle. It doesn’t... trusting someone with the whole truth doesn’t come naturally to me like it does you.”

And, then... more silence. Was- was that not what she’d wanted? Was it something else, was it not enough? She didn’t know any better way to explain it, she’d never known how to explain...

“...That must make finding close friends hard.” ...Seremnis looked at Kasmeer in disbelief, trying to verify what she’d just heard. Not even the words themselves, really, just the... lack of anger, the... even her expression was so soft all of a sudden.

“I... suppose,” she managed, hoping to whatever happened to be listening that Kasmeer wouldn’t notice the slight increase in bioluminescence.

“Could you see yourself trusting me like that?”

“I... I don’t know. It only seems to happen out of obligation.”

“And afterwards?”

“...Try not to lose them.”

She... hated this. She hated faltering like this, not knowing what else to say- shouldn’t they want her to at least act like she knew what she was doing? Inspire confidence? She wasn’t- she wasn’t Zori. She couldn’t lead a group, couldn’t bring people together by accident like she seemed to, she... oh, pale mother, she wished Zori hadn’t disappeared... she took a long breath, rubbing at her face with the heel of her hand, trying to think of ways to change topic.

“...Is that all you came here to ask?” Seremnis eventually asked, noting, and not really fighting, the tiredness that crept into her voice.

“No, but it’s a good start,” Kasmeer answered evenly.

“To... what, exactly...?”

“Understanding you. Difficult as it might be, you’ve told me a lot.”

Seremnis looked over to her again, warily. “...Like... what, exactly...?”

“That this is... difficult, for you. Trusting. Just keep in mind that, while I’m sure some secrets you’re keeping for good reason, you don’t have to keep all of them.”

She looked away again, looking out into the vast sands, spotting some fires beyond it. “...I’ve listened in on enough conversations to know they’ll all come out eventually.”

“...That doesn’t have to be a bad thing.” A pause, and Seremnis heard her shuffle a little closer. “So I’ll ask again. Why are you still awake?”

“...Why are you?”

“Seremnis, please.”

She rolled her eyes, then focused on the middle horizon again. So she had to do this, then? ...Fine. It... it shouldn’t be this hard. Just pretend it was...

...Demmi.

...Her hand unconsciously rose again to her opposite arm, squeezed a little. Still, before anything good came, and... mother, there was so much more of it- still, emblazoned in her mind was the bloodstained carpet, Demmi’s face so much paler than it should be, and even when she closed her eyes the feeling of life force ever so slowly fading even when she was trying so desperately to keep her there, just a little longer, she still had so much to say...

...It took... a little less time, now, for it to... pass. The feeling of something trying to escape her throat, an emptiness in her chest... homesick for a home that she hadn’t awoken to. She wondered if she’d recognized the feeling of home when she had it. She... wondered if, had she the time, she would’ve mourned Tybalt like this. She hadn’t even seen him die...

“...I’m not meant for this.”

It wasn’t... everything she could have said- she couldn’t protect them, she wasn’t strong enough to lose them even with how little she still knew them, after everything- how was she supposed to lead when talking to Kasmeer had been so hard-? ...Would she... ever have anyone like Demmi to talk to again...? Someone who already... knew, accepted... everything... she only realized, upon a glimpse of Kasmeer’s concerned expression, that her own eyes felt wet. And, upon noticing, she’d force herself to take a deep breath- notice, with irritation, that it shook- and close her eyes, focusing again. What... had she said, again...? 

“I’ve never... lead before.” A pause. No, that wasn’t... entirely the truth, was it? Oh, mother, if she hadn’t met Albas, she would’ve never trusted a mesmer like Kasmeer with... 

Seremnis took in a breath, let out a breath. Kasmeer would see through that. “...Not... well. Not without casualties. I... I can’t be the commander.”

She caught Kasmeer smiling a little. “...You know, I don’t think she thought she could be either. I’d always guessed that’s why she asked us to call her by name.”

Seremnis paused, then smiled a little herself. “I’d thought it was because she wasn’t sure any of us actually knew it.”

Kasmeer laughed, and Seremnis... found herself smiling a little easier. She... deserved to laugh, after everything that’d happened. Maybe they all did. Maybe... maybe she was doing something right, here.

“At the time, she was probably right.” Kasmeer shook her head. “But- point is, you don’t... quite need to know how to do this.”

Seremnis stiffened- noticeably- at the feeling of another hand’s fingers touching her own, light and hesitant as the touch was.

“...You’ll have us with you. Everyone here’s got your back on this, alright...?” Kasmeer continued.

Seremnis... pulled her hand away, slowly, but nodded. “...Right.” She... supposed she already knew Canach did- as smooth as he played it, she knew he’d been waiting for them; one didn’t just casually go to Amnoon, legal gambling or not. And... being honest with herself, he... might know more about her than anyone else in this guild. She... she really should find time to talk with him later- but for now... 

She pushed herself up, brushing some sand off of herself- not like it’d get all of it, but it was an attempt- and, one last time, looked up at the stars.

“...Kasmeer...?” She began, faltering slightly. How did she say...

“...Mm?”

“...Thank you.”

[bnhainsert]

Sound Out

Chapter 5: Cabaletta

__________________________________________________________

Hado tossed and turned all night. Nightmares plagued her of seeing the same dead woman over and over enough. Voices speaking to her tell her she wasn’t fast enough, strong enough, or good enough. She woke up several times sweating profusely. The night was long and rough.

Hado woke up exhausted. Light streamed in through the window in between the blinds. She had dark circles under her eyes and she felt miserable. She had one more day in this big city and then she could go home to her town and try to forget everything that happened last night.

A soft knock was heard on the guest room door. Jiro peaked her head in looking for Hado. “Hey....I made us some breakfast....are you feeling okay?” She asked with a worried look on her face. Hado felt horrible for making her host worry. “Yeah. Just had some trouble sleeping” Hado answered. It wasn’t a lie.

Jiro knew something was bothering Hado but figured she would talk about it in time if she needed to. She closed the door to let her get ready for the day.

After a few minutes of waiting at the table, Jiro watched Hado come out of the guest room fully dressed with her hair pulled back. She looked so tired and miserable, but she managed to plaster a small smile on her face.

Jiro made her a plate and set it in front of her. Hado stared at it for a couple of seconds before thanking Jiro for the meal and taking small bites here and there. Jiro didn’t want Hado to push herself to tell her what was going on so instead she came up with a solution to help lift her spirits. She grabbed her phone and began to text a couple of people.

As Hado took small bites of the breakfast Jiro prepared, she caught the sound of a radio station. They were talking about local news and current events. “A 28 year old woman was found in her house dead. She was sat perfectly at her kitchen table with no signs of forced entry or any bruising or wounds. The woman’s husband.....”. Hado tried to stop listening. She started to become queasy and pushed her food away from her.

“Hey I’ve got an idea! Since it’s your last day in the big city, why don’t we go out for a bit and do some shopping. I’ll even treat you to something as thanks for helping us out here” Jiro said smiling warmly.

Hado wasn’t sure if she could get rid of this anxiety but she didn’t want to stay inside where news stations on TV or the radio could plague her. She nodded in agreement. “Sounds like a plan”.

The two women made their way to a big shopping district in the city. There was a very big mall in the center of the district that honestly was half the size of the town Hado lived in. She starred up wide eyed at the 3 story building. Jiro laughed at the face Hado made. “This is just one perk of living in a big city” Jiro explained as they entered the mall.

On the other side of the door 3 other women were waiting for them. Hado recognized them as Uravity, Froppy, and Acid Girl, except they weren’t in their costumes. “Are they on an undercover job?” Hado wondered. “Hey Jiro! Hey Vocaller!” Acid Girl greeted brightly. Upon hearing her hero name Hado stiffened. It was a little strange hearing it in public when she was in her normal clothes. Uravity elbowed her. “Oh right...um sorry I didn’t know your name but still wanted to hello. Sorry about that” Acid Girl apologized. “Don’t worry about it” Hado replied. “My name is Hado Hibiki. it’s nice to meet you guys finally and in normal clothing”.

“Oh how cute of a name! My name is Ashido Mina! You can call me Mina if you’d like!” Ashido spoke enthusiastically. Froppy spoke up. “I’m Asui Tsuyu. Please call me Tsu”. “I’m Ururaka Ochako. You can call me Ochako” Ururaka added.

Hado was feeling a little overwhelmed meeting all of these pro heroes at once, but it was a nice kind of overwhelming feeling. She smiled brightly at all of the ladies. It was nice to be able to take a day and relax. Plus she was relaxing with some very popular heroes! 

The group walked around going in and out of lots of different shops. They were about to walk into a clothing store when they heard “Helloooo ladies”. Everyone turned their heads expecting to tell off some strange man, but instead were met with pro hero Chargebolt. 

“Kaminari cut it out” Jiro threatened. “What I can’t greet my friends?” He asked with a big smirk on his face. Ashido ran up and hugged him. “Oh Kaminari it’s been so long since I’ve seen you!” She cried. “Wait dude it’s been like a week. That party we went to was exactly a week ago” Kaminari replied. “It feels like it was so long ago!” Ashido continued. Kaminari laughed and hugged her back. 

The rest of the group greeted him warmly. “Oh and you’re that pro hero who was part of that big-” Kaminari was cut off by Jiro elbowing him hard in the ribs. “You’re that pro hero that’s staying with Jiro” he corrected himself. “Ummm yeah...I’m Hado Hibiki, please call me Hado” Hado replied. She felt her stomach sinking again. “You and Jiro would make a killer team! With both of you being sound based, I think you would really make some noise in the community” He continued. Hado smiled a small shy smile. “Yeah I think we’d make an awesome team. I hope we can team up again in the future. Or maybe start a band together that would be cool too” Hado admitted. Jiro face lit up at the idea of starting a band with one of her favorite heroes.

“Oh! I’m Kaminari Denki by the way!” Kaminari said. Hado nodded in understanding. The group continued to move through the mall together. It was genuinely an enjoyable experience for Hado. She didn’t have a whole lot of friends back home. She knew people, but they weren’t really her friends who she could hang out with. It was also nice to be able to spend time with people who knew what it was like to be a full time pro hero. They all shared stories of villains they had busted before. It made Hado feel welcomed and comfortable.

As they sat and chatted in the food court, Hado couldn’t help but listen in on some other conversations happening. Her habit of people watching and listening always kicked in in largely crowded areas. She caught bits and pieces of people wondering if her table was full of pro heroes. They couldn’t tell because they had only ever seen them in their costumes. Hado smirked. Then she heard something very interesting.

“Come on man. We’ve got fastforward working for us now. I don’t think we’ll need to wait much longer” a man spoke somewhere in the mall.

Hado sat up straight, alerted. The group looked at her worried. “Is everything alright?” Ashido asked. “Oh yeah...” Hado answered standing up and looking around. “I’m just going to head to the bathroom...” she mentioned and began to wander around the crowds of people. She hoped she had disappeared so they wouldn’t have to worry about giving her directions. 

Hado looked frantically around the mall, trying to find where the sound was coming from. In her frenzy she bumped into another person. “Oh god I’m so sorry. I’m just trying to....”

“Watch where you’re going you goddamned.......” A harsh voice interrupted and then abruptly stopped. “Oh god oh no not him” Hado worried to herself. She immediately recognized the voice and looked up to see Ground Zero in normal clothing.

“Wait your that sound hero from the mission yesterday” He realized. “Oh here it comes....he’s going to yell at me for doing a terrible job isn’t he...” Hado braced herself. Instead, she felt a hand grab her arm and drag her along.

“Wait what the hell are you doing?” She asked angrily. “Shut up. You were looking for them too weren’t you. You heard them. I saw them” He replied tursely still walking briskly forward, dragging Hado with him. Ground Zero was a lot more observant than he let on.

“Deafen my steps” He demanded. “A please would be nice” Hado mumbled finally able to regain her footing and keep pace with him. He growled and shot her a murderous look. She immediately did as he asked. In fact she deafened both of their footsteps. Hado managed to catch a glimpse of the men they were following. The men looked around quickly, looking for anyone following them. Luckily Hado and Ground Zero were able to blend in with the crowds, immediately averting their gaze from the two suspects. They left quickly through the emergency exit. Ground Zero was very quickly on their tails. Hado could see small sparks coming off of his hands.

He stopped right at the door. “You need to create a distraction so they don’t look at the door. Then you need to make sure the door doesn’t make a sound. Got it” He ordered. Hado didn’t like being bossed around, but honestly it wasn’t a bad plan so she obliged. She focused on the sounds outside. The sound that came to mind was Deku’s voice. 

“Never fear citizens! Why? Because I am here!” the voice seemed to come from the right side on the outside of the building.

“That’s the distraction you went with? That goddamn nerd?” Ground Zero snarled, clearly annoyed, but he continued out the door with Hado in tow. She quickly deafened the door so the two men wouldn’t be alarmed but the loud closing sound it would have made. However, since they heard a very well known pro hero’s voice, they started picking up their pace.

Ground Zero started to pick up the pace too, still keeping his distance. Hado really had to concentrate to keep up with the deafening of both of their feet so quickly. They watch the men turn a corner in an alleyway next to a bakery. By the time Ground Zero and Hado made it around the corner, they two men were gone.

“Damnit!” Ground Zero grunted slamming his fist on the wall of the the building on the other side. It was a vacant building so even if he did do a huge amount of damage, no one would be hurt. He started to grumble and the sparks in his hands got a little bigger and a little louder.

Hado could hear a voice though that didn’t belong to Ground Zero. “Hey shut up for a second!” She whispered harshly. “What did you say to me-?” She put a finger to his face and shushed him once more. “I can still hear them. There must be an entrance around here that they escaped into.....the sound is starting to fade like it’s traveling.....downward” Hado explained. She started tapping on the ground and walls. “What the hell are you doing?” He asked. “I just said they escaped into a secret entrance. Help me look” this time Hado gave the order. Ground Zero sneered as he began to knock on walls with Hado.

Hado managed to find some hollow panels. There were quite a few and pressing them did nothing. “They probably have to be pressed in a specific order” Ground Zero filled in the gap.

“Hey there you are!”.

Hado jumped. It was Jiro and the rest of the group. “We started getting worried about you when you hadn’t come back for a while so we went looking for you. Are you okay?” She asked. Hado turned on her heal with a smile on her face “Yeah I’m alright. Sorry I kind of got distracted after I left the bathroom” She replied. “Yo is that Bakugo?!” Kaminari said surprised. “You didn’t hurt Hado here did you? He probably called you some mean names, are you sure you’re alright?” He asked half sarcastically, picking on Bakugo.

“Shut the hell up Sparky” Ground Zero growled putting his hand up near Kaminari’s face with sparks threatening to explode. Ground Zero kept walking. Kaminari didn’t even flinch but walked by to check on Hado. Before Bakugo made his way around the corner, he threw a small card back to Hado. “Contact me if you figure anything out”.

 The others in the group looked dumbfounded at Hado. “What the hell was that about?” Ashido asked. Hado began to sweat. “Oh I ran into him on my way out from the bathroom. I remembered I had some equipment that needed some maintenance and decided to ask him for some help” Hado lied. She wasn’t sure if this chase she just went on would actually show any results to help with the case so she kept the actual details to herself.

“That doesn’t explain Bakugo talking about figuring something out” Asui interjected. “Oh yeah...ummm..I was actually also looking into support items that were close to some of the things he has. He said he would be able to get me the requested items if I fully figured out what I needed them to be, so he gave me his...” Hado looked down and saw it was a business card with his agency’s number on it “agency’s number” She finished. “I won’t be able to get them here considering I’m leaving tomorrow” Hado finished her explanation.

The group looked at each other a little confused but accepted what Hado had said. “Wait it’s your last day in town?!” Ashido asked surprised. Hado nodded. “Well then we better get this party going!” She shouted excitedly. They ended up going to a movie. They were joined by Cellophane, who Hado learned was named Sero Hanta, and Red Riot, named Kirishima Eijiro.

Afterwards the group stops at a cafe to catch up with each other. They all started swapping stories and recalling their days at UA. While it was good wholesome fun, it made Hado feel out of place. She wasn’t there during their high school years. She didn’t go through the same things they did. She decided to take her leave.

“Hey I’m getting pretty tired so I’m going to head back. It was so nice to meet you all” Hado said waving to them on her way out. “Okay I’ll see you at home!” Jiro called back.

Hado began walking back to the shopping district knowing she would have better chances of catching a taxi around there. The hollow panels were still bothering her though. There had to be a way to open up that door. She meandered her way back to that alleyway. She concentrated on the hollow panels, specifically the space in which small amounts of soundwaves were coming from. She amplified the waves to cause enough force to unlock the mechanism in each of the panels. A door opened up in the side of the wall revealing a very dark and long hole with a ladder leading down. Hado smiled, proud of herself for figuring out how to get the secret door open.

The smile faded as she realized she had opened the door to a crime syndicate’s hideout with no back up. She started to freak out. “Oh god oh no what do I do” she mumbled to herself.

“Contact me if you figure anything out” .

She pulled out the business card frantically and dialed the number.

“Ground Zero Agency”

“GROUND ZERO iusedmyquirktoopenupthepanelmechanismsandnowthedoorisjustopenhelp” Hado ran all of her words together.

“Slow down goddamnit!” He growled over the phone.

Hado took a deep breath and explained the situation. “You need to close the door back up and leave the area”. Ground Zero could be impatient but he could understand all different types of situations and scenarios and pick a well suited option.

Hado did as she was told and headed back to Jiro’s place. She opened the door and saw Jiro look up from her phone. “Hey where were you? I thought you said you were headed home?” Jiro asked.

“Oh yeah I had dropped a small trinket of mine and went back to find it. I was pretty lucky that no one had taken it” Hado lied again. “Alright. I just hope you had a good day” Jiro answered. “Oh today was great!” Hado replied. “It was honestly so much fun being able to hang out normally with pro heroes. It made me feel welcomed” Hado replied. “Good” Jiro smiled.

Hado felt her cellphone vibrate in her pocket. She said goodnight to Jiro and headed to her room to answer the call. “You aren’t leaving tomorrow” a familiar voice spoke over the phone. “Um...who is this??”

“Goddamnit it’s Ground Zero you dumbass. I’ve made arrangements for you to stay in town a few more days. You’ll be picked up tomorrow morning and brought to my agency” He finished and then abruptly hung up.

Hado blinked surprised. So much for returning home.

Hado thanked Jiro for everything she had done for her in the morning. She took her duffle bag and walked outside to the car that was picking her up. “Hey if you ever need to talk about hero stuff or just normal everyday stuff, you have my number. Don’t hesitate to contact me if you need anything” Jiro told her. Hado smiled a bright genuine smile. “Thank you so very much for everything” Hado replied and hopped into the car. She waved until she couldn’t see Jiro through the window. She sighed and slumped into her seat. She wanted to mentally prepare herself for Ground Zero.

The car pulled up to a building in the middle of town. It was 3 stories tall with a sleek black look. She walked into the building with her bag looking around at the decor. There were a few pictures of Ground Zero in articles praising him for rising to the ranks of the top pro heroes at such a young age. Ground Zero and Deku became top pro heroes at an even younger age than Hawks which was incredibly impressive. 

“Hey dumbass. Let’s go” Ground Zero broke her train of thought.

They walked up to his office. He had a big space but everything was well organized and put together. “So what is my town supposed to do without me for the next...however long you decided to keep me in town?” Hado asked angrily. Part of the deal she made was that she would only stay for 3 days at maximum. She didn’t want to leave her town without a hero. It was such a small town that no pro hero would ever be around to help out.

“Quit your whining. Tsukuyami and Ingenium are out there in your shitty city keeping it safe” Ground Zero replied. In a way it was kind of reassuring, just said in a nasty way.

“Sorry about that” she heard someone say from the other side of the room. “It was my idea to keep you here”. And there was Deku. Another pro hero rising to the ranks of top hero. Deku explained that him and Ground Zero were working closely on this case so they kept a tight correspondance with each other. “Didn’t Ground Zero call Deku a damn nerd yesterday though? How are they working together? and working together so smoothly?” Hado thought to herself.

“Follow us to the conference room and we’ll get you up to speed on what we know, putting it together with what you know”

__________________________________________________________

“Hey boss how much longer until the first sample is ready?” Driver asked. The buff man found himself lugging another body across the room to throw into the incinerator. “Not much longer now that we have fastforward” The boss replied.

He stood in front of some lab equipment with a vial of something that was a very dark red color. He examined the vial and sloshed it around a bit before putting it back in its case to rest.

“Gushiken, the tests are ready to be run. The percentage that this first vile works, given the fastforward quirk being used, and the blood of the original big time villain is in that vile, is around 85 to 90% likely” A hooded person updated the boss. 

“Thank you for your hard work Kaga” Gushiken replied. An ominous smile crept across his face as his dug his hand into the chest of the man who had the fastforward quirk. He forcefully activated it to speed up the process of their final product. Henchmen then removed the vial from the area to bring it into a new one as Gushiken put his hand in another person’s chest, activating their reset quirk. “Can’t wait to be able to transfer these quirks”.

Chapter 1   Chapter 2   Chapter 3   Chapter 4   Chapter 6

[ferie-anon]

my signs are aries sun/mercury, pisces moon, gemini rising/venus/mars, & virgo jupiter! so i guess i’m interested in our compatibility/him in general if it’s not too much trouble for you, omg this was so much information i am so so sorry whdjdbvje. again please don’t feel like you have to do this!🥺i hope your day/night is going ok💜(3/3)

So to recall from the previous post, he is a gemini sun, assumed gemini moon, taurus mercury, gemini venus, and cancer mars (I won’t do the jupiter becuz it’ll be a bit too long total lol but maybe another day you can ask me for the jupiter correlation between him and you and I could answer). (But since you two have the same jupiter -> virgo in jupiter I think there may be a similar pull or connection in this placement)

First off, his sun is in gemini and yours is in aries. Most geminis and aries get along well becuz they both possess the similar energy and capability to take on new things and similar interests. Usually fire signs and air signs get along becuz they both have similarities in common, and aries is a fire sign and gemini is an air sign. Judging from this, you like his child-like demeanor, his charming disposition found in the way he conveys so many words that you find yourself relating to or interested in. Aries and gemini both have a youthful/child-like mind in a good way, that you two want to enjoy life and invite the opportunities of adventures and taking on the new things maybe.

While you two have different moon signs, the difference brings about balance as well. His moon is in gemini indicating his mental capability is pretty strong and constantly running. He could be good at learning a lot of things or taking on new hobbies or interests, and the bad thing is he may take on a lot of stuff and then forget or drop it lol. Your pisces moon indicates you may be inherently sensitive and sensitive to others emotions and needs. You want to provide others with solutions or soothe their issues, and you in turn may feel like you can get overwhelmed with the amount of empathy you possess. Gemini moons are not known to show their emotions, most air signs in moon tend to not display their emotions publicly. 

You could be someone he could find emotional comfort in becuz pisces moon usually can empathize or heal people in that aspect, like maybe through talking, supportive/comforting words, or checking up on them. His gemini moon can bring excitement and new perspectives in your life, as gemini moons are one of the most bright or entertaining individual by being themselves, they could be creative or adapt to anything sorta with their minds. Your aries sun feels especially appealed by his gemini moon nature, and since he has a lot of gemini placements your aries placements feels drawn and appreciates them for being who they are, hence why you may feel like whoever dates him will be lucky becuz of your admiration and adoration of him.

Next up, we got the mercuries~ Your mercury is in aries and his is in taurus. I feel like although taurus natives talk slow there’s some assurance or preserving attitude towards their opinions. So this is where differences are prominent, you are honest, direct and not one to be slow at projecting your thoughts. Whereas his taurus mercury may enable him to communicate in his own pace, may be more careful and think how he wants to project his opinions, and is more mellow or less in your face. Both of you guys have your own opinions and aren’t easily swayed by others, he may be more stubborn and decide on his opinions carefully so there will no regrets or doubts. You may be stubborn in your own virtues and opinions and take things head on instead of being wishy-washy about how you feel. 

Despite the different paces and tones each of your mercury placements take, there is a subtle understanding in thinking and attitude-wise of communication. He probably values your honesty and how you can be strong in the views you believe in, and like-wise goes to how you perceive of his thoughts. Maybe you may find his slow pace but thoughtful attitude towards speaking admirable becuz you are the opposite, and he may think your quick pace of coming to a decision is impressive as you seem to not need too long to contemplate your decisions. (Like-wise there are issues like maybe you feel frustrated at times of his pragmatic careful thinking that results in his decisions being slower, and he may feel you rush forward with your decisions too soon.)

Moving on, you and your crush’s venuses are in gemini! So you both have similar needs romantically and how you act in that aspect. Gemini venus values communication and interesting things to upkeep their attention, so if someone talks about a subject you may not have an interest in you may feel bored out and not pay attention. Since you have similar needs and values you guys can each provide for those needs, like if he wants to talk about something interesting and you feel fascinated by that topic, you both will enjoy the conversation better and the chemistryyy in that aspect.

 I do think that in the part where gemini venus can lose interest frequently can pose to be an issue for you both. For you, since your pisces moon may be more on the sensitive side you may feel disheartened or hurt if he won’t pay attention to you when you’re talking about some stuff that he may find boring. His gemini moon coupled with his gemini venus makes him someone who constantly is finding the ‘new’ inspiring and fascinating so he constantly may shift his interest or focus.

Lastly, his mars is in cancer and your mars is in gemini. This is where I wrote in the last line you may feel sensitive in that way becuz of his gemini venus/moon, so in this placement it’s vice-versa/reversed. His cancer mars makes him a bit sensitive in his actions of protecting his loved ones/friends and values/goals. He may feel a bit frustrated with your gemini mars fluctuation at times becuz gemini mars are not exactly suitable with staying long-term in something becuz sometimes they lose motivation halfway or interest. 

So despite your crush’s prominent gemini placements, his taurus mercury and cancer mars show that there is a side that may seek for stability/reliability. It’s not to say you aren’t reliable and stable, this is where you guys balance each other out personality-wise. Despite you may experience the similar loss of interest or erratic/flighty intentions, you hold a passionate/driven and caring side that is similar to his needs. He provides the interesting/entertaining side of life and things you desire to see and experience, and you provide the reliability he seeks from the sincerity you are capable of.

In the end, you can take this compatibility/analysis platonically or romantically. In whichever way you resonate better with, I would say you two get along very well (Y'all probably are hyper when getting into heated/stimulating conversations together and then you guys probs get so into the zone you both may be like: wow that’s the same point of view I came to! or may have high regards towards each others opinions). (I didn’t do your rising although your gemini rising feels attracted to his gemini placements becuz usually if someone has the same sign as your rising it creates a mutual attraction, and I’m sorry this turned out so long omg even my hands felt tired but I kept going lmao)