#please don't comment anything with the intention of changing the experience i'm having

[evelhak]

I'm gonna be raw here for a sec. I just had my last psychophysical physiotherapy appointment for the next six months, and we went over my progress for the last year and what my key challenges and epiphanies have been, and when I left, I realised this was the first time I had stayed present for the entire 2 hours, and suddenly, when I was walking, this song which I hadn't listened to for years, was playing in my head:

I have known this song since middle school, so, 17-ish years, but just now for the first time, I felt that it described my feelings. And this is a huge breakthrough for me. Because I have never before been able to relate to a song where feelings are expressed in such a strong worded way. The moment something is too angsty, too explosive, too crude, too impolite, too explicit, or anything like that, I can't connect to it or see myself in it. But not today. I just vibed with the song in my head, and then went to listen to it, and I actually felt it in my body and emotions, or more like I felt my emotions in my body. Like "I actually have emotions that I can fully experience not just sort of look at and analyse" sort of way.

Not like "I could maybe relate to this song if it was expressed in a more sophisticated way". I just felt the song. I just related to it. I just felt like it was the perfect song for my long since unexpressed frustrations and experiences.

Not that this is suddenly going to become my new normal or anything, I would probably still be exhausted if I experienced the world through angst or such, because it's not my natural way of dealing with things, but this short experience right now felt very empowering to me. 💙

[waight-gain]

Chapter 4: Discovery

Mike and Sam

This whole story is filled with more NSFW scenes than my previous

Mike stood in the doorway, a cup of coffee in his hand, as he watched Sam take a deep breath and step onto the scale. The morning sunlight streaming through the window highlighted the slightest curve of Sam's belly, and Mike couldn't help but feel a thrill of excitement.

The number on the scale seemed to freeze for a moment, before Sam's eyes widened, and a small smile played on his lips. "Looks like I've put on a few pounds," he said, trying to sound casual, but not quite succeeding.

Mike feigned surprise, his eyebrows shooting up. "Oh no, babe! You're going to turn into a sumo wrestler! We need to work off a few calories." He winked at Sam, the glint in his eye implying that he had a far more enjoyable form of "exercise" in mind.

Sam chuckled, still looking pleased with himself as he hopped off the scale. "I don't know, Mike. I kind of like the way I look. And it's not like I'm unhealthy or anything."

Mike snorted, taking a sip of his coffee. "You're looking good, and that's all that matters. Besides, who needs a six-pack when you can have a keg?" He winked again, enjoying the way Sam's eyes sparkled with amusement.

"Shut up," Sam responded, trying to hide his own enjoyment and arousal at the teasing.

Mike leaned against the doorway, watching as Sam sifted through his wardrobe, finally pulling out an old college t-shirt. The shirt was a faded band logo, and Mike remembered Sam wearing it all the time back in school. But as Sam pulled it over his head, Mike couldn't help but notice the way it stretched across his broader chest, accentuating every new curve of his body.

Sam grinned, catching Mike's eye in the mirror. "See, my college clothes still fit," he said, sucking in a breath as he worked to get the shirt to cooperate.

Mike's eyes were glued to the sight, his arousal growing as he took in the way the shirt hugged Sam's body. As Sam turned to head for the closet, Mike's gaze fell on the tight line of his underwear, highlighting the thickness of his thighs and the gentle swell of his butt. Mike's mind already racing with all the ways he could help Sam indulge and grow even more.

He was so caught up in the sight that he almost missed Sam's muttered comment about maybe needing to try a different laundry detergent, most of his clothes seemed to be shrinking. Mike just chuckled, knowing that was the furthest thing from the truth.

Mike's eyes sparkled with mischievous intent as he watched Sam walk out of the room, oblivious to the changes that were about to take place. He smiled to himself, thinking about the little "adjustments" he had been making to Sam's diet over the past few days. But it was time to take things to the next level.

Having already upgraded from 2% to whole milk, he opted to escalate further, replacing it with heavy cream, aware that this switch would significantly amplify the caloric content of Sam's daily diet. Specifically, incorporating heavy cream into an array of baked delights that Sam had persistently devoured in Mike's absence at the bakery. Mike continued to deliberately leave an assortment of calorie-rich treats, strategically positioned for Sam to discover and indulge in.

Feeling a sense of excitement and anticipation, Mike began to prep for the day's meals, using exclusively gainer recipes he had been experimenting with. He was making a mental note to pick up some of Sam's favorite snacks later that day, the ones that were notoriously high in calories.

As he busied himself in the kitchen, the aroma of freshly baked cookies wafted through the air, enticing Sam's senses and building his anticipation for the meal to come. Mike had never been much of a chef, but he had quickly become an expert in creating dishes that were both delicious and calorie-dense.

Sam walked back into the kitchen, his eyes lighting up at the sight of the cookies cooling on the counter. "Mmm, cookies? You're speaking my language now," he said, his eyes gleaming with excitement.

Mike grinned, knowing that he had set the stage for a day of indulgence and overeating. "Just a little something I whipped up," he said, handing Sam a still-warm cookie. "I figured you could use a treat to tide you over until lunch."

Sam took a bite of the cookie, his eyes widening in delight as the flavors and textures exploded in his mouth. As Sam savored the cookie, Mike began to prepare lunch, expertly juggling multiple pots and pans on the stovetop. The aroma of sizzling meat and steaming vegetables filled the air, making Sam's stomach growl with anticipation. He took another bite of the cookie, feeling the crumbs dissolve in his mouth, and then reached for a glass of heavy cream to wash it down.

The cream was rich and velvety, coating Sam's tongue and the roof of his mouth. He closed his eyes, letting out a contented sigh as the flavors mingled on his palate. Mike smiled, watching Sam indulge in the creamy treat.

With lunch almost ready, Mike called out to Sam, "Hey, why don't you take a seat at the table? I've got a special surprise for you." Sam's eyes lit up, and he eagerly made his way to the table, his stomach rumbling with anticipation. Mike had carefully set the table, placing a large, ornate plate in the center. On the plate was a feast of gainer-friendly dishes, each one designed to tantalize Sam's senses and fuel his weight gain.

Sam's eyes widened as he took in the sight before him. "Wow, Mike. This is…incredible," he stammered, his voice filled with awe.

Mike grinned, feeling a surge of pride at Sam's reaction. "I thought you might like it. I've been working on some new recipes, and I wanted to try them out on you."

Sam's eyes darted between the dishes, each one more enticing than the last. "You've really outdone yourself," he said, his voice filled with genuine admiration.

Mike beamed, feeling a sense of satisfaction wash over him. "I'm glad you like it. Now, let's eat," he said, gesturing for Sam to take a seat.

Sam eagerly sat down, his eyes never leaving the food. Mike served each dish with care, explaining the ingredients and the preparation process. Sam listened attentively, his stomach growling with anticipation. As they ate, Mike watched Sam's body respond to the food, his belly expanding slightly with each bite. Sam's eyes sparkled with pleasure, and he moaned softly as he savored each mouthful.

Mike's heart swelled with love and desire as he watched Sam indulge in the meal. He reached out, gently tracing the curve of Sam's expanding waistline with his fingers. Sam leaned into the touch, a soft sigh escaping his lips. As they finished their meal, Mike leaned back in his chair, feeling a sense of contentment wash over him. He had always loved watching Sam eat, but today had been something special. He had seen the pleasure in Sam's eyes, the way his body responded to the food, and he knew that this was what they both wanted.

With every bite, Sam's eyes rolled back in sheer pleasure, his chest rising and falling rapidly as he savored the flavors. Mike watched with an unspoken intensity, his heart beating faster in response to the sight. He could see the effect his cooking was having on Sam, and it fueled his own desire.

"More?" Sam murmured, his eyes pleading. Mike simply nodded, as he brought out a platter of assorted pastries, their glossy icing and flaky crusts beckoning Sam like sirens.

Sam's hands shook slightly as he reached for a pastry, his eyes fixed on the desserts as if they were the key to a hidden treasure. He took a bite, moaning softly as the sugary sweetness coated his tongue. Mike smiled, watching the way Sam's eyes fluttered closed in delight, his body responding to the sensations.

As the meal continued, the room filled with the sounds of soft moans and the rustling of food wrappers. The air was thick with desire, the scent of pastry and cream heavy in the air. Mike couldn't help but reach out, his hand hovering over Sam's thigh, his fingers itching to trace the expanding curves.

Sam leaned into the touch, his eyes fluttering open to meet Mike's. "More, Mike," he repeated, his voice barely a whisper. Mike's eyes darkened, his lips curling into a hungry smile.

With a swift motion, Mike stood and moved to the kitchen, returning with a tray laden with an assortment of ice creams and chocolates. Sam's eyes widened as he took in the sight, his breath hitching in anticipation. Mike set the tray on the table, his fingers tracing the curve of Sam's waist as he moved past him.

Sam's eyes followed Mike's every movement, his body trembling with desire. Mike poured a generous scoop of ice cream into a bowl, the sound of it hitting the ceramic causing Sam to shiver. Mike brought the bowl to Sam, his eyes locked with Sam's as he fed him the first bite.

Sam moaned softly, his eyes fluttering closed as he savored the rich, creamy texture of the ice cream. Mike watched, his heart pounding in his chest as he fed Sam another spoonful. This continued for what felt like hours, the room filled with the sounds of soft moans and the clinking of spoons against the bowls.

As the meal came to an end, Sam's body was a mass of soft curves, his belly round and full. His eyes were heavy with satisfaction, his body sated but still craving more. Mike leaned in, his lips brushing against Sam's ear as he whispered, "Next time, I'll make more pastries for dessert."

Sam's eyes fluttered open, his gaze locking with Mike's. "I can't wait," he murmured, his voice thick with desire.

Without a word, Mike stepped closer, pressing his body against Sam's. The weight differential was significant, but Mike's height and lean muscle dominated Sam. He wrapped his arms around Sam's back, their bodies melded together in a dance born of intimacy and love. Mike's heart pounded in his chest, his breath hitching in his throat as he whispered, "I love you, Sam. I love every inch of you."

Sam's breath hitched as Mike's fingers trailed along his skin, tracing the paths of his recent weight gain. Mike gently caressed Sam's stomach, his fingers working their way lower, before finally finding the zipper of Sam's shorts. He unzipped them with deliberate intent, pushing them down and off Sam's hips, exposing the ripe expanse of Sam's thighs and the firm, round cheeks of his ass.

Sam's moans grew louder, his body trembling as Mike continued his exploration, his hands roaming every inch of Sam's expanded form. Mike nuzzled against Sam, his breath hot against his skin.

Sam's eyes closed, his breath hitching as he nodded in agreement. The anticipation was almost unbearable, the pressure building with each passing second.

As they sat there, wrapped in each other's arms, Sam's eyes began to narrow, a hint of curiosity sparking within them. "Mike, can I ask you something?" he said, his voice low and shaky.

Mike's fingers continued to trace the curves of Sam's belly, his touch gentle and soothing. "Of course, baby. What's on your mind?"

Sam's gaze drifted away, his eyes focusing on some point in the distance. "When did you…I mean, how did you know about my…. Thing? About wanting to gain weight?"

Mike's smile was slow and seductive, his eyes glinting with amusement. "Oh, Sam. You're so adorable when you're oblivious. I've been encouraging you to eat more and more for weeks now. I've been bringing home your favorite pastries, making you those decadent desserts���I've even been experimenting with new recipes to tempt your sweet tooth."

Sam's eyes snapped back to Mike's, a look of surprise and realization dawning on his face. "You mean…you've been doing it on purpose? You've been encouraging it?"

Mike's laughter was low and husky, his chest vibrating with the sound. "Oh, baby. I want to see you grow. I want to see you happy and content, with a belly full of sweets and a heart full of joy. You're so beautiful to me, Sam. Every curve, every inch of you is perfect."

Sam's face flushed, his eyes dropping to his lap. "But…but are you sure? I mean, I'm getting pretty big. Are you sure you're okay with that?"

Mike's fingers tightened around Sam's waist, his touch possessive and reassuring. "I'm more than okay with it, Sam. I'm thrilled. I love watching you eat, watching you indulge in your desires. I love seeing the way your body changes, the way your skin stretches and your curves grow."

Sam's eyes fluttered back to Mike's, a look of wonder and adoration on his face. "But… it's so weird… I…" he whispered, his voice barely audible.

Mike's smile was radiant, his eyes shining with love and desire. "I love you, Sam. And I'll keep feeding you, keep encouraging you to grow, as long as you want me to."

"So, are you happy? Does this turn you on?" Mike asked, sliding closer to Sam and running his hand over his growing belly.

Sam gasped at the sensation, his eyes fluttering closed. He could feel the heat emanating from Mike's fingers, and it was almost too much to handle. "Yes," he whimpered, pressing his body against Mike's.

Mike's laughter was low and seductive. "Oh, I know how to push your buttons, all right," he purred, nipping gently at Sam's neck. "And I plan to continue doing so. Just keep pretending like you're oblivious, and let me take care of the rest."

Sam shivered, his whole body tingling at Mike's touch. He couldn't believe how turned on he was by this newfound power dynamic. It was as if Mike had unlocked a part of him he didn't even know existed. With a contented sigh, Sam leaned into Mike, ready for whatever came next.

Mike leaned in, his lips brushing against Sam's ear, his voice coming out deep and passionate, "Oh, Sam you've really outdone yourself tonight," Mike whispered, as he traced the curves of Sam's bloated belly. "I can't believe you managed to finish that entire cake all by yourself."

Sam's breath hitched, his body trembling with a mix of pleasure and embarrassment. "I…I couldn't help myself," he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. "It was just so delicious."

Mike's fingers traced the soft, plump flesh, his touch gentle yet firm. "You've always had a sweet tooth, my little gainer," he teased, his eyes sparkling with amusement. "Remember when you used to be a twink, all skin and bones? Now look at you, all soft and round." Sam's arms wrapped around Mike's neck, his body pressing against him.

Mike's hands roamed, tracing the landscape of Sam's belly. The soft, plump curves under his fingers were a symphony of sensations, each touch eliciting a soft moan from Sam, his body arching into Mike's touch with a fervor that spoke volumes of his desire.

Mike's fingers danced lower, his touch lingering at the waistband of Sam's pants, teasing the skin just above the elastic of his underwear. Sam's breath hitched, his body trembling with anticipation, with a gentle tug, Mike pulled Sam's shirt off, revealing a rounded, bloated belly, the skin stretched taut over the swelling contours. The sight was a feast for Mike's eyes, his gaze lingering on the soft, jiggling flesh, the creases that had begun to form.

Mike's fingers traced these lines, his touch gentle yet firm, as if he were mapping out the terrain of a new world. The sight of Sam's body, the evidence of his dedication to his desires, filled Mike with a sense of pride and admiration.

Mike's touch became more insistent, his hands squeezing the soft, plump flesh of Sam's thighs, his breath hot against Sam's ear as he whispered words of encouragement, of desire, of love as he thrust his hips against Sam.

Sam's breath was coming in shallow, gasping breaths, his body trembling with desire, and Mike couldn't help but feel a sense of satisfaction as he watched Sam respond to his touch. Ripping Sam's underwear off, his lips trailed down, his tongue traced the indentation they too small underwear had left on the gentle curve of his belly. Sam's body arched, a soft moan escaping his lips as Mike's tongue

Mike's lips trailed lower, his tongue darting out to taste the sweetness of Sam's skin, his touch sending a shiver of pleasure through Sam's body.

Sam's body arched, his back bowing as Mike's tongue explored the sensitive flesh, his tongue sending waves of pleasure through Sam's body. Mike's fingers continued to tease Sam's body, squeezing the now soft flesh.

Mike's tongue danced along the plush folds of Sam's belly, savoring the taste of his skin as it rippled under his touch. Sam's body quivered with pleasure, his moans a symphony of desire that filled the room. Mike's exploration continued, his tongue tracing the contours of Sam's expansive form, each curve and crevice a testament to the transformation they both cherished.

As Sam's moans grew louder, Mike's fingers traced the sensitive skin of Sam's lower belly, teasing the soft, hanging flesh that had grown so lush over time. The sight of it, the feel of it, was a source of immense pleasure for Mike, a testament to the power exchange they had embraced.

With a gentle command, Mike leaned Sam over the table, his hands caressing the soft, round mound of Sam's belly as he entered him from behind. The feeling of Sam's body enveloping him was overwhelming, Sam's hips bucked, his body responding to Mike's touch.

Mike's hands tightened on Sam's belly, his fingers digging in as he began to move with a rhythm that matched the pounding of his heart. The sight of Sam's body, now so much larger than it had been, was a source of immense pleasure for Mike. He reveled in the feeling of his own power, the way he could control Sam's movements, the way he could make Sam's body respond to his touch.

With each thrust, Sam's belly jiggled, the soft flesh quivering under Mike's touch. Mike's eyes were fixed on the sight, his breath coming in ragged gasps as he lost himself in the moment. He could feel the tension building, the pressure growing, and he knew that he was close.

Sam's moans filled the room, his body arching as he reached his climax. Mike followed close behind, his body shuddering as he came. He leaned forward, his forehead resting against Sam's back as they both caught their breath.

As they lay there, Mike's heart still pounding in his chest, he couldn't help but feel a sense of contentment wash over him.

He gently traced the curve of Sam's waist, his fingers lingering on the soft, plump flesh. "I love you, Sam," he murmured, his voice thick with emotion.

Sam's body trembled, his voice hoarse as he replied, "I love you too, Mike. Are there anymore cookies left?"

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

See I always got the impression she stayed with Calcium for too long for the wrong reasons. I was too young to know what was going on at the time but from strictly lyrics and a few things the fandom has brought back up, I've just alays jotted that relationship down to Taylor satisfying the crowd in the same way she did with her music. They wanted a sonically cohesive album, she fave it. They said she's never kept a good guy in a long relationship, so she stuck out longer than she wanted to until finally she couldn't and didn't want to hold those comments against herself anymore. Just falling for her people pleasing tendencies. I don't quite get what tension you were referring to (I'm probably the one in the wrong since again, I wasn't familiar with anything outside her music at the time) but what lines stuck out to you to describe that relationship the way you did in that getaway car post?

Anon, I know you’re here in good faith, but I want to be thoughtful with my language and very gently want to push back on the idea that she did anything, including dating a person, just to “satisfy the crowds.” I know you didn’t have any ill intent. But to me that’s another way of unintentionally framing Taylor as a character or an avatar when she is someone with a very human life she’s led with her own choices.

It’s the same with the music. Yes, she wanted to make albums people would like and buy. But to reduce her art to that is also doing her a disservice— by all accounts, she WANTED to branch out to pop. She wanted to explore new sounds. I’m not denying there was some external validation she was seeking, but that doesn’t mean she was living her life just to satisfy others.

Again, we’re not privy to all of Taylor’s inner life, including why she chose her partners or stayed with them, unless she’s shared that. She hasn’t nearly as much about this situation as others, so we’re just picking up context clues. But I just don’t subscribe to the thought that she picked a boyfriend just to beat the headlines, because again, she is a human with feelings, including for other people, and real life is full of complicated feelings. I think it’s just as likely that she chose a partner because he paid attention to her and loudly pursued her after years of being toyed with by other men, and he was charismatic and effusive on the surface and that was a welcome change in her life at the time. That’s from the little we could see and know in public and inferring from the Red/1989 pipeline.

As for why she stayed with him so long— sure, I think it’s likely there was some fear there about “never beating the allegations.” But again, I just am not comfortable with saying it’s to please others, or solely that, the same way I wouldn’t be comfortable saying that about anyone I knew in real life. Because again, people are full of nuance. I would guess it might have also been about proving to *herself* that she could stick it out, after years of situationships and emotional rollercoasters where she may have felt like she had no control over at times. And the control piece is one that is really important for a lot of things that were going on in her life.

It’s also important to take it within the context that has been filled out in the years following Rep's release thanks to the re-recordings and newer albums. She'd had a years-long on-and-off thing with Jake which was full of a lot of emotionally upending experiences and sunk her into a low period, she followed that with another long on-and-off situationship with Harry where neither of them could ever really say what they wanted so they just kept dancing around each other, along with other people filling up her dance card in her orbit.

So when a firmly established man, who was successful and famous in his own right, who she was attracted to and enjoyed spending time with, expressed interest in her and not only that, expressed interest in a relationship with her, when she'd literally spent her adult life up to then in these merry-go-round situations? That might have felt really, really comforting for a time, especially considering everything else that was going on in her life. And might also help flesh out why she felt she should stay, even when other alarm bells were going off. (That's a whole other discussion.) This however is just my speculation.

As for the clues in the music that things were Not Good-- well, you kind of have to use your noggin for that.

"He poisoned the well, I was lying to myself" / "He poisoned the well, every man for himself" points to a person who brought toxicity into the home. Poisoning the well generally and broadly means painting someone in a negative and false light to discredit them before others have a chance to judge on their own. Within the context of the song, IMO it paints a picture of someone who is controlling and manipulative at the very least. So in the first instance, she's lying to herself about how bad things are, and in the second, she realizes she's got to save herself because she's no exception.

(Not to point to real life events because I've said before not everything in her music refers to an event we see... But we do know, for instance, that he publicly denied she wrote "This Is What You Came For" and tried to discredit her until she revealed she was behind the pseudonym. I don't think that's what the song is referring to, to be clear, but it's just a real-life example of the type of behaviour that might inform that kind of lyric. He tried to deny her own success and knock her down a peg when that success overshadowed his and he was vengeful about her leaving him.)

"It was the great escape, the prison break / The light of freedom on my face / But you weren't thinking and I was just drinking / While he was running after us, I was screaming, "Go, go, go!"" is another indication of a very fraught relationship. The fact that she felt like she had to not only break free from this person, but speed off before they could catch her is very telling. It's different from the way she writes about running/escaping on TTPD, for instance-- where again it's about freedom, but she's in control and it's more like, I'm sick of this/I feel like I'm dying. In the fantasy situation here, it implies he's chasing after her, but not to win her back but to punish her, like a guard would chasing after a detainee. She's desperate to leave, and not just in the "I'm going to do what I want" type of way, but with the implication that she needs to flee as fast as she can before he catches her (and harms her, or worse yet, drags her back to her cell.) In other words, she was worried about how he would retaliate if she didn't leave right that second. There's an urgency implied with "GO GO GO!"

(Because if you think of prison break or heist movies, usually the escapee who gets caught ends up getting shot and killed. Bonnie and Clyde are a good example of this.)

Plus, the "I was just drinking" line is telling-- it implies she was drowning her misery in alcohol, which again is a theme we see later on in TTPD too and indicative of someone who is unwell and going unnoticed.

The tl;dr of Getaway Car is that she felt that if she didn't escape right that second, she was going to die. That's not necessarily literal to her real life, let me reiterate, but emotionally speaks to a very tense and dark situation she felt was harmful.

ivy imo furthers this same tension. With the caveat that we can't ~know~ he was the inspiration for the husband in the song, there are parallels to that same fear and unease in the love triangle.

"I just sit here and wait, grieving for the living," while not directly about the male character in the song, implies a woman who's stuck at home and despondent. There are other lyrics (like "He's in the room") implying that she feels like she's being watched, monitored, judged. (Which, to be fair, is in a song where the narrator is very much considering running off with another man, so I suppose suspicion isn't out of hte question.)

"He's gonna burn this house to the ground" is another lyric that is very evocative, but is also laced with the threat of violence. It's the implication that if he finds out that she's considering fleeing, he's going to destroy her and everything along with it-- which is also the undercurrent of her frantic escape in Getaway Car.

"So tell me to run, or dare to sit and watch what we'll become / And drink my husband's wine" again maybe doesn't sound directly threatening, but speaks to the narrator's utter despondency. It's, if I don't get out of here, I'm going to self-destruct. She's going to lose herself in the wine -- and it's her husband's, because she's been drinking everything he's been selling her, both metaphorically and in actuality. She's taken in his words and his threats and also his alcohol, careening into the abyss around him.

High Infidelity is the real damning song, and nearly the entire thing is infused with fear. "Lock broken, slur spoken / Wound open, game token / I didn't know you were keeping count" right off the bat paints an image of a dire situation, implying a fight that ends in threat. The "lock broken" line is interesting because I used to take it as metaphorical, e.g. the slur spoken is the thing that opened the damn (broke the lock) and hurt her deeply, but then I saw some people interpret the "ended with the slam of the door" line in The Bolter as the slam of a door in a home (as opposed to the slam of the car door which is what I took it as) and I think that paints an even more vivid-- and scary-- image. So, you have a broken door, yelling obscenities (and I think it's interesting that so many of us immediately thought "whore"/"slut" when High Infidelity first came out, because that's nearly always the way a man will try to denigrate a woman, and then The Bolter came out and confirmed it) and suddenly she feels ripped open inside realizing she's just a trophy to him (game token) rather than a partner. It's devastating, and we're only three lines into the song.

Then following that up with "Rain soaking, blind hoping / You said I was freeloading / I didn't know you were keeping count" continues that thread, pointing and to me is a parallel to "He poisoned the well, I was lying to myself." He accuses her of damnable offenses in an effort to keep her down (which sounds like it could even be gaslighting), and her "blind hoping" is the lying to herself that things are fine, that they'll get better, but then the reality hits that he's keeping score; it sounds like a classic manipulative tactic, e.g. "you owe me"/"I do everything and you do nothing"/enter attempt at power imbalance here. That's not love, that's transaction.

"Put on your headphones and burn my city / Your picket fence is sharp as knives, I was dancing around it" to me is very reminiscent of ivy and "he's gonna burn this house to the ground," e.g. he is going to set out to destroy her if she leaves. "Your picket fence is sharp as knives" means the home life he's selling to her is actually her prison, or the thing that will harm her. It's prickly, it's sharp, it means that this "white picket fence" life that is the marker of adult success is the very thing that she feels will destroy her, because he's so malicious.

"Storm coming, good husband / Bad omen / Dragged my feet right down the aisle / At the house lonely, good money / I'd pay if you'd just know me / Seemed like the right thing at the time" is so, so sad, and again follows her gut instinct telling her things are Bad. She can see that there is darkness ahead by staying in the relationship. The relationship is rapidly heading one way (down the aisle) but she knows that very thing will harm her. She has a vision that she's going to be left alone and lonely in this hypothetical marriage, even though imo she's implying that at the time she thought maybe this was the best she could hope for/deserve (seemed like the right thing at the time). Again, she's navigating what she feels she should want-- a long term relationship that leads to marriage and partnership-- with this growing feeling in her pit that he's going to hurt her if she stays.

"You know there's many different ways that you can kill the one you love / The slowest way is never loving them enough," is so sad, and like a lot of the other parts of the song, shows how hopelessly lonely she was in this relationship, and again, the premonition she was having about what would happen to her had she stayed. It's a partner who does not care about the person in their home and does not care to show them any consideration or affection, let alone whatever else is happening.

And the way she ends the song repeating "Oh, you were keeping count" again is just like: this image of someone who is predatory and looking to entrap someone emotionally. It's very, very scary in its utter insidiousness.

And lastly we have The Bolter, which again, ~might not be about him or anyone~, but the chorus IMO is referring to all these scenarios. "Started with a kiss, "Oh, we must stop meeting like this" / But it always ends up with a Town Car speeding out the drive one evening / Ended with the slam of a door, then he'll call her a whore / Wish he wouldn't be sore / But as she was leaving it felt like breathing" It's the initial flirtation and honeymoon period (kiss/meeting like this) but the speeding car out the driveway is the end of it-- fleeing the scene (like the Getaway Car, like running off in ivy, like the emotional escape in High Infidelity). Here we have the slur spoken from HI (called her a whore) and perhaps even the lock broken (slam of a door). "Wish he wouldn't be sore" is like a cutesy way of "wish he wouldn't be so mad," but it's also sad because it implies that he's always like this and it's dismissed as just one of his personality traits. And like with all the other songs, her escape is literally life-saving to her, in so many ways.

And while, "He was a cad, wanted her bad, just like any good trophy hunter / And she likes the way it tastes, taming a bear, making him care / Watching him jump then pulling him under," could be about anyone, again I think it applies here too. Because she is the game token in HI, the trophy he wanted to put on the shelf and pull down whenever he wanted. The taming the bear thing is funny at first glance because it's part of the "I can fix him" complex we see over and over again, and she loves the thrill of the chase, only her she feels endangered when the bear turns on her and shows his teeth. Hence the escape in escaping.

Anyway this was waaaaaaaaaaay too long. But I just hope that fleshes out a little more about what you were wondering about. One of the fascinating things about Taylor's discography is not only how much the stories end up calling back to each other as time marches on, but that she uses so many narrative devices to tell them. Whether it's the fantasy of Getaway Car or ivy, or the diary-entry-like High Infidelity, or The Bolter's amalgam allegory of so many situations, it's so interesting to pick up on the common threads that weave together another story.

[ao3-shenanigans]

Would it be rude to ask an author how sad of an ending an ongoing story will be? I don't like permanent major character death stories or Greek tragedy levels of sad ending stories and it's one of the ways this story I'm really enjoying could end up going. There is no indication in the tags or author's notes from what I've seen. Idk I just don't want to be mean or discouraging cause I love the story soo much!!!!!

To be honest, I’m not entirely sure; I know everyone will have widely varying opinions on this which means that it’s a very good question!

On one hand, authors aren’t generally fans of being told what to do or not to do in the comments as that’s not really the place for such things, on the other hand- if it’s a genuine question I don’t really see why not?

I think it really comes down to tone and context:

‘Woah! I love your story! [character/concept] is one of my favorites and you do it so well!

Out of curiosity, may I ask how sad you intend the ending to be?/genq (I’m sensitive to some endings and didn’t notice anything in the tags and as such wanted to be able to prepare myself; if you’re willing to share)

I love this story and am always so excited to see an update notification in my inbox!

Many many kudos!’

^something like this would be, I think, pretty well received by the author and understandable as it’s coming from a place of good intentions and is made clear as such

Of course, if it does end up being a tragedy for the ages, you might have to stop reading, which would be unfortunate but there’s really nothing you can (or should) do to change it. If it turns out to be the case, leave an “Extra kudos!” On the last chapter you read and walk off without further comment- leave on a high note, and hey- bookmark it and maybe one day you’ll be able to come back and revisit the story!

Note: to everyone commenting and sharing their own experiences and opinions, please, above all else, be kind, both to commenters and authors <3

[skatermusic]

There was no mistaking Semeru's favourite colour. The floor, his bedding, even the.....pet bed? in the room was blue.

Semeru looked up from the weapon he was sharpening. "Hermione, always a pleasure to see you. Please, come in."

Hermione happily swam into the shark's room. "How has your day been?"

Semeru put his polishing materials down as he spoke. "Other than taking my third night patrol in a row and whipping the new recruits into shape, uneventful, so don't take it personally if I fall asleep during your visit. Yours?"

"Oh, y'know, donated some stuff to the museum, bought another cow, ran some errands for people, fished for a few hours, and now I'm here."

Semeru beamed. "Always a pleasure to see you. I've just realized you've learned so much about my world, but I barely know anything about yours."

Hermione began with basic differences, sprinkling her own experiences in. Semeru listened intently, only politely interrupting to ask for clarification, which the farmer happily provided, even if it meant having to compare their worlds. Halfway through a story about her childhood dog, she just had to ask:

"Quick question, Semeru."

"Of course."

"Is that a pet bed?" Hermione asked, pointing to the tiny bed in Semeru's room.

"Yes, for my lobster, Poseidon. He ran off some time ago."

Hermione's heart broke. When her dog, Dusty, had run away, she was crushed. "Oh no, I'm so sorry. I hope you find him."

"Thank you, I hope so too."

To change the depressing subject, Hermione told Semeru about her family-growing up the only girl in a house full of boys, her parents, and cherished memories. "How about you?"

"Remember when you saved that seahorse fry from a plastic bottle?"

"Oh, so that's what baby seahorses were called! How could I forget?" The bastard who threw the bottle out hadn't bothered to close it, and the poor baby was trapped. Hermione had wanted to free the baby with her scythe, but Semeru immediately stopped her. The dagger he used instead hung on the wall.

Semeru sighed. "Seeing that family of seahorses in the coral reef reminded me of my own family. They weren't particularly nurturing."

Hermione raised a confused eyebrow. The entire family had come to hug the baby after it was freed.

Semeru immediately cleared up the confusion. "My family, I mean. I don't know where they were. After I was hatched, I was pretty much on my own."

"What do you mean?" Hermione asked. She didn't like the implications of Semeru's statement but allowed him to explain.

"When I hatched, I didn't have the luxury of a loving family waiting for me. No warm welcomes, no guiding fins. I was alone in that vast ocean, but it toughened me up real quick. I guess you could say the sea was my first teacher."

What the actual fuck? How could Semeru just casually admit something so heartbreaking? No wonder he cried when the seahorse family reunited! Hermione swore to the Goddess that if she ever met Semeru's parents, she would lure them into a glue trap and feed them to an orca. But, she knew she had to mask her anger. If Semeru picked up on it, the shark may never open up to her again.

Thunder rumbled overhead, startling the farmer. Hermione supposed the meteorologist had been right that morning.

Semeru paused, as if considering whether or not to say what was on his mind. "Tell anyone, and I'll deny it, but...." he sighed. "I can sing. Calmed Poseidon down all the time on stormy nights."

Semeru could sing? Hermione definitely didn't see that coming. "Awww, was the poor thing scared?"

Semeru nodded. Come to think of it, Hermione remembered Macy making a throwaway comment at the last beach clean up about her pet lobster Stephen being afraid of storms. Coincidence?

Neither were quite sure how it happened, but they eventually ended up sitting on the floor in a tender embrace, with Semeru gently taking Hermione's backpack off and burying his face into her neck.

"Semeru, are you falling asleep?" Hermione whispered.

Semeru used the last of his strength to nod. Hermione was sure he was trying to remind her not to take his exhaustion personally, but instead, what could only be called "word soup" came out of his mouth.

Hermione hugged the shark tighter and began to rub his back. "Shhh, just relax. Sleep if you need it, sweetheart." Hermione hadn't meant for the same pet name she had given the seahorse fry to slip out, but there was no taking it back now.

As if needing the farmer's permission, Semeru drifted off to sleep, gentle snores filling Hermione's ears.

°°°°

Until it happened to her, Hermione never would have guessed that tails went numb like legs, but here she was. The only movement Hermione allowed herself other than breathing was rubbing the sleeping captain's back, occasionally switching arms once one became exhausted.

Hermione sighed. She knew it would be a pot-meet-kettle situation if she were to call him out for overworking since she was running off of 2 hours of sleep, leftover pizza, and enough caffeine to give an elephant a heart attack, but taking every night patrol offered without rest, on top of training the new recruits? No wonder Semeru had dozed off in her arms.

Thank Goddess she had finally ditched that bulky wetsuit. Not only would she never have to worry about running out of air again, but now she could hold Semeru properly, actually feel his skin. Having a tail was definitely taking some getting used to, though, as happy as her inner 6 year old was when she finally earned it.

Hermione covered Semeru's ears to prevent the knock on his doorframe from waking him up. She greeted Deno with a nod, then explained her situation by pointing downward. The farmer watched Deno visibly relax, then pull his blanket back. Working together, the girls put him to bed.

Hermione muffled her giggles, her anger at Semeru's backstory temporarily forgotten at the sight of a stuffed lobster on his nightstand. She tucked it into Semeru's arms, waved Deno goodbye, then left the barracks.

That afternoon, as an outlet for her rage, Hermione completed her Band of Smiles initiation in an hour, blowing Mark's record out of the water.

[nomsfaultau]

well i had a tumblr error so I'm going to copy and paste the ask

wlwdwtys asked:

(Potentially) Daily ask №4

Tommy edition!

How did he become a collected? You don't gotta say if it's way too major spoilers

If he was given the opportunity to get rid of the Red permanently, would he? What if that meant that some random child in the world got the Red instead? Would his choice change?

How old is he?

His opinion on SCP 053? That one 3 year old girl physical contact with whom causes the person to become aggressive towards her but die moments after harming her, from a heart attack? She's kind of the opposite to his powers, isn't she?

BOOM I have brought a golden bracelet that allows to turn the red on and off at will. With just the intention to, basically. Now he can hug whoever he wants with little repercussions. Also, eat your vegetables, Tommy Innit.

-------------------------------------

Not spoilers at all. Tommy and Philza’s first encounter consisted initially of Philza threatening to caramelize him till he was but naught a stain upon the earth all shuddered to remember etc etc. In Phil’s defense he thought the phone call was a hostage negotiation for his teleported mentee. After reunion with The Blade, Philza’s opinion about the summoning thing was that it was a power not in good hands, given teen Tommy was a twit, but at least non malicious ones. He figured it was best to be on good terms with Tommy given The Blade’s safety was on the line. Tommy naturally had a whole normal life going on and wasn’t exactly going to drop it to be with them 24/7, which Phil thought reasonable despite his security problem. Tommy started visiting them and bringing food (and his mum at first, who wasn’t pleased her kid was hanging around with homeless men but also recognized they had experience with powers that she couldn’t help Tommy with). Tommy was in desperate need of any sort of guidance given he was grappling with suddenly not being human anymore. Poor idiot thought he was in a different genre and mistook the anomalies for a band of superpowered vigilantes. The trio tried to tone everything down for him, make life on the run seem thrilling and not deadly, hide the bodies before he came to visit, etc. Everything just seems safer and lighter when Tommy was around. Philza became fond of the bright eyed ball of energy, and after months realized ‘oh muffin I want to Collect him.’ At which point Wilbur and The Blade traded money in the background. It was more efficient that way anyway, since The Blade wouldn’t be summoned if Tommy was safe so might as well protect him. Not sure what his long term plan was since mother innit would’ve had his hide if he suggested Tommy take up being a homeless nomad instead of going to college, but the Foundation captured Tommy before anything so I suppose it doesn’t matter much. Tommy’s initial reaction to being asked about Collection was “huh? But I already have a dad.”

Tommy would get rid of his Red in a heartbeat. It’s a curse to him, a large source of his trauma, and the reason the Foundation oppresses him. If someone else would get it… he’d still give it up. He’s not above selfishness. And honestly it still might be a better outcome since the new person wouldn’t be traumatized by their own power in a way that makes it far more dangerous and difficult to live with. Frankly if it wasn’t a trigger for him Tommy could very well touch people just fine since its effects are proportional to his panic.

Now that is a spoiler. But he was captured when in the late 15 area, and had a party with Tubbo and Rosalind for his 17th while in the Foundation. They were guessing tho, since it’s hard to keep track of time and so it didn’t really take place on the 10th of April, if I’m remembering Tommy’s birthday right. And since the clues are in Fault and at least a few commenters have figured it out: Tommy is actually 21, and everyone was in the Foundation for 5 years. The Blade is the only one who knows this due to his infrequent escapes. Due to a lack of typical developmental milestones such as graduation, moving out of his parents house (in a normal and safe way), etc Tommy still acts like a teenager. People well into adult hood like Rosalind, Rhodes, etc register him as a kid because of that immaturity. Philza doesn’t judge mortal ages well, Wilbur has no frame of reference and is always taller even when Tommy grows, and everyone is teeny tiny to The Blade. Tubbo was initially pretty shocked given how tall Tommy is, but Rhodes skewed the frame of reference. Plus, then Tommy opened his mouth.

In his role as a research tool, it’s possible Tommy’s encountered her, since the Foundation would want to know if she has powers outside of the touch thing. When ordered not to touch the kid, he laughed humorously. Likely he dripped some Red on her and then sat in the corner while the kid attacked the D-class. He was grateful about the heart attack part, far easier for them to just drop dead rather than watch a baby try to rip em apart. He’d probably try to comfort her after, and would have some degree of success given a scene where he calmed a hysterical Jasmine (5) and the number of instances helping Tubbo through the trauma of the Foundation. It’s helped but the fact 053 isn’t really affected by the attacks, but he would lose points for inadvertently suggesting some of his own ill advised coping mechanisms or convictions. I don’t think her anomalous affect would target him while the Red was active, so he might draw little pictures on the floor for her with Red while janitors took care of the body.

Tubbo has to carry around Tommy for days since he’s in full koala bear mode. They don’t mind but also they don’t have very high stamina due to how many bees they’ve lost. Wilbur would also get a lot of physical affection, and for once wouldn’t be a cagey tsundere about it. There’d be hesitation at first, of course, still instinctively demuring from contact and holding himself back, but that would fade into only subconscious, infrequent moments Tommy would be almost always touching someone, an arm slung over shoulders, a hand hooked in the crook of an elbow, leaning and pressing and starving.

He’d never turn it back on.

[shenaneggan]

i'm posting this stupid video just for posterity. i didn't make this, but my character, sids, is featured in it. she was my persona and a parody of myself. my real name is cid. i kindly ask that no one ever call me "sids" again.

the read-more is going to be long. i just want to finally put my story out there, even if it doesn't go anywhere.

my friend lionessjenna or nenna / jennabee made it. it was very popular at the time it was made. if you were wondering what happened to lionessjenna, last i heard about her she was making money off of drawing anime cp. sorry to everyone who idolized her at the time. i don't know what she's doing now or if she's changed. i can only say i recommend not looking into her.

we all made fun videos like this with our characters and developed a following. my character sids in particular became a fan favorite and she was usually the butt of the jokes we made. i was 14 when we began making stuff together. 4chan would inevitably find this video and also developed an obsession for sids. they made sids the "queen of /jp/" for a time and drew a bunch of p*rn of her. they drew a bunch of p*rn... of me, essentially. when i was 16. you can still find it, too. the p*rn... i wouldn't mind if that was gone forever. i will not be saving it for posterity. lol

then they doxxed me, made fake accounts pretending to be me, and both of my friends featured in this video would leave me to date those abusers. i never realized at the time how deeply this would hurt me.

and for the record, i don't talk to the third girl, and i won't mention her by name, but i still love her with all my heart. she was a positive force in my life, despite everything. on my old tumblr, i think i still follow her. nenna (this is what people called her at the time) however was 7 years older than the both of us, and put us both in a very dangerous situation with this video. then she went on to draw cp. i'm mentioning her if only to warn people about the dangers about being friends with adults online, and idolizing random people online.

i will say this, though. we were all traumatized kids, and the internet put too much power in our hands. i forgive both of them, and i hope they're both doing well. it's been probably over ten years since i last heard anything regarding nenna, and i'm not friends with anyone anymore who would still be in that friend circle. nenna, i know i aired out your dirty laundry, but i only did so under your old username. i have no intent of finding who you are now and bringing it all to light. i'm only posting this video as a way for me to heal from it and move on. (and ftr if you find anyone under a similar name, that still may not be her. it's been a really long time. please just leave nenna alone. i want to assume she's doing better)

i deleted everything because of this video. i didn't want to be known anymore.

but now i do. i want to be known for me and not just a parody of myself. i'm trying to create again, and i have a story i want to write that i have been working on based on my experiences growing up as a very-micro-celebrity online. i feel like i'm overstating my "success" at the time, but that was kind of what it felt like to me.

but it's hard, you know? revisiting trauma is never easy. but because of this video, i lost my drive to create. i lost so many things i cared about. i lost the ability to be myself. you can probably assume considering i spent my childhood online that i didn't have a great home life either. i won't get into that.

i revisted this video because someone on youtube was kind enough to repost it after all three of us inevitably deleted our accounts, and i've been recounting my trauma in therapy. the comments all ask where weve been off to. most of them only mention jenna, because while i took a step away from the limelight after the doxxing, she continued to make videos after the /jp/ raid and gained a huge following with a bunch of big original youtube animators at the time.

i want to say i was never a perfect person, and when you live your entire childhood on the internet, your mistakes never really go away. i don't think i ever did anything atrocious or evil, but i still had my problems, and i'm sure there are plenty of people that are still out in the world who would be glad to share.

but right now, this is a plea for help, i suppose. a plea for peace. i just want to move on. i've become recently disabled, and i was forced to leave my career because i can't walk. because of this and therapy, i've been trying to make a return to creating. i loved creating. it still makes me happy to see people comment on old videos asking where i am today. i never respond to them, but knowing i haven't been forgotten is what's giving me the strength right now to type all of this.

it's very likely no one will see this post. it's very likely this will be buried in the ocean of posts that make up the entire internet. but right now it feels like deadweight in my lifeboat, and i need to get it out.

"why post this video if you don't want to known for it?" and the answer to that is... i don't know. there are a lot of internet events that happened in my life where someone else got to write the story behind it. i guess i just wanted to write mine. i wanted it out there. i wanted to be known.

[femmefatalevibe]

Hi I have always been super sensitive to people's comments. That is really annoying for me but I don't really know how to deal with those emotions and thoughts because somebody would just make a joke of me (maybe just a funny joke) but that stays in my mind for a long time. I don't want to take what people say personally so, can you please give me how to stop being so sensitive and start treating jokes just as jokes. Hope you have a good day.

Hi love. I'm sorry to hear that people are making jokes at your expense. Please know, though, that learning how to not take others' words personally and expecting others to treat you with respect are not mutually exclusive standards/boundaries to uphold in your interactions and relationships with others.

To not take others' words personally, remember that most people's comments about others are a reflection of how they feel about themselves. Individuals who frequently criticize others or feel the need to put others down for their own pleasure typically are projecting their own self-hatred, negative self-talk, and low self-esteem. Take others' sentiments are a reflection of their self-concept, inner world, thoughts, and experiences – you rarely have anything to do with you.

However, with that being said, you have every right to be upset at someone's "joke" about you and let the person know that their comment upset you. While I don't know the types of remarks people are making towards you and the intention behind these statements, you have every right to share that these comments make you feel upset or uncomfortable. If someone is actively making fun of you or trying to put you down, do not tolerate this disrespect. Stand up for yourself. Call them out.

Please start valuing your needs. While people are still going to do and say these please, you have the right to do the same.

If you're being triggered by very impersonal, benign comments, it's worth exploring why these comments are so triggering to you. Those remarks will come up in life and you just have to understand that it says more about the person making the "joke" than anything about you personally, your appearance, actions, or intentions. Some people will box you into a certain role to self-validate their internal life narrative –nothing you do or say will change their minds, so you just have to understand that this person chooses to have blinders on and has not done the internal work to deeply self-reflect/see outside of themselves.

However, especially if these comments are solely directed at you, once you let others know you're uncomfortable, you have every right to walk away from the situation if your discomfort doesn't make them stop and respect your interpersonal/conversational boundaries.

If you're ever unsure if you're taking a comment too personally, try this gut-check exercise. Ask yourself: If a friend or a loved one told you a similar remark was made to them as you just heard expressed to you, how would you react? Would you be more inclined to tell your friend they're overreacting or be appalled that someone would speak to someone you love in this manner? Let your answer to this question guide you to a more objective and self-loving interpretation/response to these comments.

Hope this helps xx

[recreationalfanfics]

Hello! Adventurer anon again! :D

I wasn't expecting Reader to have this epiphany that Adventurer is sabotaging Reader's budding relationship nor be aware of his plans to kill, but I did think maybe the whole experience would have triggered a small crack in Reader's perception and idolization(maybe adoration?) of Adventurer. I mean, Reader does realize how much Richard has changed (for the worse) because of Adventurer, but then almost backtracks to appease him?

So, even though Jesse was successful, it would've been nice to see a seed of doubt planted in the back of Reader's mind, not because she suspects him of being a Yandere, but because, 'Richard's an asshole now directly because of you and that lessens my opinion of you, even if it's just a little bit. Maybe Richard spending more time with you isn't a good thing?' (But of course we, actual readers, know the truth lol)

I suppose I was expecting a subtle shift in Reader's perception of Jesse? I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't want things to be too easy for him lol

I didn't intend to make criticisms so please don't take my comments as anything negative because this is just me thinking out loud and reacting to your story. If anything, this proves that the drabble is great, because here I am still churning over Jesse's character and his relationship with Reader during my lunch break lol

But intention is different from reality, and looking back, my words do come off as criticisms so I'm sorry for that!

Thank you for discussing your characters with me and taking time to add to these little worlds you share with us! <3

AAAH, NO BECAUSE THAT IS DEFINETLY AN AFTERMATH THAT HAPPENS (also, I don't mind criticism and I do welcome it! Your words were very helpful so don't apologize!) AND I DO LOVE YOUR THOUGHTS AND DEFINETLY WANT TO EXPAND ON THEM.

Jesse got rid of Richard, yes, but now he's facing himself with a different problem: the fact that he overlooked how your opinion would change of him. Yes, you don't know exactly WHAT happened but Jesse looked just as emotionally distressed as you were and seemed just as upset about you, blaming himself, and even going as far as to cut contact for a bit just so you'd comfort him and tell him that Richard's death wasn't his fault but you do realize that the only reason Richard changed was because of Jesse.

Men sometimes act a certain way because they seek validation from other men but you can't help but think about how Jesse never outright called Richard out on his behavior. Maybe he wanted to approach it gently but if so, that wouldn't make sense considering whenever one of the older staff made a remark Jesse didn't like, Jesse would respond immediately with a sharp and witty response. Yet he never did that when Richard would boast and brag, just staring at Richard from the corner of his eye before giving you a timid smile as if being all: "This guy, am I right?"

Of course Jesse was human but something about him dulls in your eyes. He must've been traumatized especially since he told you how much he tried to prevent Richard from being so reckless but Jesse had told you stories of how he saved people from collapsing temples and cursed objects but he couldn't save one wannabe adventurer? Oh well, maybe you were thinking too much into it.

Still, you don't want history to repeat itself so whenever you make a guy friend or start talking to a guy; you never drop Jesse's name nor do you even think about talking to him about the guy you're seeing. When Jesse wants to make plans with you, you tell him that you can't because you had other affairs, and whenever he tries to coax an answer out of you, you just give him an equally playful response before bidding him goodnight. His smile drops as soon as you leave because he knows something is up.

He's been finding hairs that don't match your length and color on your things, the way you'd shop online for nice outfits or accessories, and when he decides to just covertly go over to your place just to investigate a bit more, he sees you with someone else who kisses you goodnight and drives off.

Jesse'll get rid of them too, just like he got rid of good ol' Richie but his heart is broken that you didn't tell him a damn thing. He wants to ask you about the next morning but bites his tounge, it'd be easier if you thought he didn't know. He also notices the difference in how you treat him, you're not as enchanted by him and he realizes his jokes don't make you laugh as much, just a friendly and amused smile but that's it.

He'll have to be more careful with this one because he hates how that glimmer of adoration has lost it's shine in your eyes.

[once-upon-an-imagine]

I don't usually do asks, but you know what? I'm breaking the silence for you.

No you're not overreacting, as much as people call this statement dramatic but please, listen to your gut feeling. If he said it in a way that made you uncomfortable, and raised a few red flags you're probably right.

Now I'm not telling you "oh he needs to go, leave the man" which if you want to it's totally up to you, but we want to do some thinking (is it the first time he said something like this? Was his tone suggestive? Is his tone usually suggestive in normal conversation?) In the end you're the one talking to him and you're the one who can judge him better.

Now if it was just a curious question, which is a bit odd but not everyone's the same, he might have just asked and laughed nervously at the question. Yes it is questionable but it mightve been random and you see it that way because it's a sensitive topic for you.

Either way I'm just a stranger on tumblr that heard four sentences from your conversation and doesn't know anything about your relationship to this person so I can't decide for sure what that was but I hope this helps you at least.

Have a nice day ♡♡

hi, love 😊 firstly, thank you for taking the time not only to read my post but to come into my inbox to reassure me, especially when you don't usually send asks! it means a lot!

it was the first time he made a comment like that, more than having a suggestive tone, I thought it was like a stupid attempt to like not take the topic so serious (as much men do in my experience) his tone has never been suggestive before that (or after) I don't think it was a curious question, more like just trying to make a joke

I ended up telling him that his question had made me feel uncomfortable and the fac that he laughed even more. I told him this was a very sensitive topic for me and the only reason why I told him was because I was going to eventually if this went further and that I believed it wasn't his intention to make me feel that way but I didn't want to be one of those people who just changes and stops talking to someone because I liked him and I preferred to put it all out there

tbh just sending that made me feel better. he then replied and apologized, he said he noticed how my tone changed and he knew he had fucked up and he would be more careful and considerate. he said that he uses the laughter message like a crutch and it doesn't necessarily mean he was laughing at the matter (which I had actually noticed, he laughs after every text 😂)

so I told him that it was okay, just that this was a hard topic for me to talk about, especially with men, and that I was already anxious about having to tell him and his answer didn't help

he apologized again and said that I could talk to him when I felt comfortable about it if I did and if I didn't want to he would understand and respect that as well and that he would work harder so I would feel comfortable and safe with him

so, all in all I'm a bit more distant and careful but I thought his apology was sincere and he actually meant it, so we'll see where it goes. I did feel 100 times better just by telling him, I didn't want to keep that to myself because it just felt wrong

so thank you again so much for taking the time to read my post and give me your input! I received so much support and love from a lot of people here and it meant the world even if I had stopped talking to him ❤️❤️

I hope you have a lovely day!

[little-bloodied-angel]

First of all, the "thick skin" comment was only in regards to stuff like people hating on your ships and I did qualify "from what I've seen". I didn't intend to imply that you're not affected by things and I'm sorry if it came off that way.

And I never argued that people should not be entitled to their opinions and to expressing those opinions wherever they want. I just think using some tags because you don't know what will upset or even trigger someone isn't a stretch, it's being civil; and sometimes people aren't even able to avoid that content until after they've seen it precisely because of the tagging issue. Of course, the person in question should ask politely and not come in with demands, but I think "your feelings aren't my responsibility" applies more to "you were warned about this content so I'm not responsible if you choose to consume it" rather than "I don't care if you're upset and I shouldn't do anything to make a fandom space more comfortable or easy to navigate". Again: if you putting something in a tag on Tumblr only appeared on your blog, I wouldn't even think of having this discussion, because the tag could just be blocked in your blog with no other issue, but politely asking someone to add a word to a tag so they don't have to choose between blocking the whole tag, a whole blog they otherwise enjoy, or being upset or triggered without warning, isn't that much to ask. You can't curate your own experience, particularly in fandom spaces, if nobody cooperates with you. I've seen people argue that if you get triggered you should just not participate in fandom using the "your feelings are not my responsibility" argument, and that's just unfair. Again, people should ask politely, but Tumblr is not a podcast or a YouTube channel where you simply don't click on something that will make you feel like that. If people misuse tags then you see those things with no warning or you have to stay out of the tag entirely. If the intention isn't to provoke, upset or trigger people on purpose then it doesn't cost much to add a word or a tag to avoid exactly those things. Same with fanfic sites: the warnings should be on the tags, or at least tagged as "chose not to tag".

Like I said, if I worded a request like in the previous example, as calmly and politely as possible, and the person I'm asking essentially told me to fuck off because their feelings are not their problem, I don't think I'd be the one in the wrong. I just don't think someone should be sent crying or even having a panic attack to "deal with it themselves" if two extra seconds on someone else's part could avoid it. That's precisely why we tried to make the "anti (x)" and "(x) critical" tags commonplace, so that people could criticize, vent, or even rant or bash to their heart's content without the actual fan tag being flooded with negativity. That's not making someone responsible for your feelings; that's when you were warned, interacted with the content anyway, and then went rant at the person who made it about how dare they make the content in the first place.

I'm really not trying to antagonize you here. You've actually done that exact thing before, with me specifically, most likely because I asked politely. Most recent example: I told you certain wording in a possible Charmine fic came off as classist, which I was sure was not your intention, and maybe it would be better to change it because it was really uncomfortable to read, and you agreed and changed the wording without changing the sentiment. So I assume that if I asked you with the same level of politeness "hey could you please add this tag? You know your blog is one of my favorites, but I just can't stand to see (whatever), it's really upsetting to me", without criticizing you as a person, your opinion, or anything else, you'd do the same. The issue is not asking but demanding, imho, and it's also quite a different thing to ask someone to tag something than to say "you shouldn't be writing that", obviously. Again, the "there's a human being behind the screen" applies to both people. That's all I mean. And it doesn't hurt anybody to try and make online spaces a bit easier/safer to navigate; not by censoring things, I'll be the last to advocate for that, but simply by giving a heads up that that's what you're talking about.

Stuff kids on tumblr better relearn

1. You are responsible for your own media experience. 

2. There is such a thing as a healthy level of avoidance towards topics that make you feel unwell or even (in a real-life clinical definition of the term) trigger you - but you are the one to actively take care of what you view.

3. Avoiding does not mean policing others.

4. You have no right to tell artists to censor themselves - you may criticize what others do, you may dislike it, that’s fine - but actively asking for censorship when you could easily unfollow or block a person just makes you look incompetent in your use of the internet.

5. Do not give people on tumblr or /any/ website the responsibility for your emotional well-being. Because these people do not even know you so no, you have no right to ask them to take care of you.

[sophiepatztone]

Week 4: September 26th

This week I focused on narrowing down my topic. I took my MoMA "poems" and made posters out of them:

I reflected on the Bianca Bosker book talk notes I took last week. Biggest takeaways:

I can feel art's barrier to entry, like walking into a gallery asking myself if i can be there

It’s easy to disregard the process that takes an artist from nothing to finished product. I think that’s where some of the gap exists in culture is that people only see a finished product and not the thoughts, ideas, and intentions behind it. 

I agree, artists are treated as “impractical dreamers.” If people look and them and see wasted time, I would urge them to consider their own interests. What kinds of things do narps spend time, money, and energy on that is comparable to art? 

She said “Artists create images that introduce incongruities, such as a plate of sushi made with eyes instead of fish. Artists defy our expectations, such as by sticking a pearl-clad woman in wrestling helmet inside a padded room.” That reminded me of a youtube video I watched a few weeks ago about understanding Contemporary art

I read through my notes and the comments on the video and it was really negative it just made me mad 💀 And I questioned if this was really my problem to solve. I still don't even understand some Contemporary art and I think some of it is stupid.

“Criticism is nothing more than having a template and putting it over the new art and seeing what matches up” -Diana Bush

I tried to form a point of view:

The gap in knowledge around Contemporary art is how to educate people who don’t understand it. My research focus is propaganda and aggressive forms of marketing, from the point of view of a marketer.

Why don’t we play into the narrative that contemporary art is unattainable, something that only highly educated people can understand? Make it an inside joke.

And I did a study based on this point of view:

I can't help but wonder if I'm am fighting a losing battle! Who cares if people don't understand art?

I think this is something I can explore through form. Anything I make is going to be considered Contemporary Art just due to the fact that I'm making it now. Do I really want to make Contemporary art about Contemporary Art?

One other thing I observed last week at the MoMA was people taking photos of the art. Not really news to anyone, but why are we spending more time taking pictures of art and us in front of the art instead of looking at it? To prove we've been there? Same vibe as taking a photo of the professor's notes on the board and then never going back to it. Or taking full videos of concerts or fireworks. Who is actually going back and looking at that?

Camera Tourists come in all shapes and sizes. Some of them don’t really care to see the art. They just want pictures to post on social media so they can say, “Look what I got to see today."

According to Psychologist Linda Henkel, there’s a psychological reason why you remember less when you take more pictures — she’s dubbed it the “photo-taking impairment effect”, and even tested it out in her own experiment.

I tried to rework my POV. I am stuck. Give me feedback please.

Appropriation artists. "Pop artists reveled in reproducing, juxtaposing, and repeating everyday images from popular culture in their wide-ranging work."

Our interactions with art in a gallery setting and how social media has changed our interactions with it.

License plate letters that flash when traffic cams try to take a photo of them

This is kinda coming full circle back to the subtopic of commodification. There’s something here that I’m not seeing.

How social media devalues artwork 

Does appropriation devalue or give new meaning? 

Help.

[theproverbialpen]

Musings from a Hazbin Fan and Hotel Employee

Yeah, that's right—I'm posting to this blog for the first time in years because I got into Hazbin Hotel of all things. Not only did I get into this cursed fandom, I'm writing fan fiction for it. Fan fiction. I think the last time I wrote fanfiction was...2012? 2013? And I only ever told 3 people about that one. Now here I am posting on main. The brainrot truly is unquantifiable.

If you're one of the few people that survived the purge of those I know IRL, congratulations. Please don't judge me lol. Anyways, actual musings are below the cut!

So I’m writing a fun little fanfic on AO3 and after someone left a comment (if you’re reading this, still genuinely one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me about my craft), it occured to me—as a Hazbin Hotel enjoyer, I have a pretty unique perspective on the series as an IRL hospitality professional. So! Thought it would be some cute bonus content to talk a little bit more about my life at an actual hotel and how it’s impacted my experience with Vivziepop’s hit series. 

Please note: this is written purely for shits and giggles. I don’t actually have any issues with the setting of Vivzie’s narrative or how it plays into the stories she and her team want to tell. I fucking love this show, to a potentially unhealthy degree, and I haven’t had this much fun with a series since like…okay well my hyperfixations change like every few months, but still. Point is, this isn’t actually critique, or satire, or anything with negative or critical intentions. TLDR; this post is for funsies, get off my dick.

So Who TF Am I, Anyways?

A little background on myself, for context. I’ve been employed at my hotel for almost a year now, and it’s my first hospitality job. I work in the Sales and Events department and I’ve come to learn that Group Business is actually integral for keeping a hotel up and running. When your average person (read: me before this job) thinks about hotels and traveling, you’d think it’s all about the families, bloggers, and individual travelers when it comes to guests and revenue. But in actuality, most of a hotel’s revenue—at least in the market I work in—will come from contracted room blocks and events. 

That’s where folks in my department come in. We work with clients to negotiate contracts and secure occupants for our hotel year round. Simply put, if we don’t do our jobs well, then no one else gets hours. So as much as the anti-capitalist in me will sometimes hate being a cog in the machine, it is really fulfilling to be able to help clients meet their needs while also making sure my coworkers are able to put food on the table. 

Speaking of being a cog in the machine, because of my role in Sales, this means that whenever I travel or think about hotels, I’m always thinking about the revenue side of things. I also work more with the Events team, so operations are also on the forefront of my mind. Which leads me to my principal quandary for this little blog post:

How in the Hell does the Hazbin Operate?

I have a laundry list of questions. A laundry list that’s almost as big as the actual pile of dirty laundry that is currently plaguing my bedroom floor. I will summarize (which is a generous word given how fucking verbose I can be) below:

Issue #1: Revenue Generation

Okay listen, I know Charlie is the Princess of Hell. I know she probably has unlimited capital, whatever that looks like in the HelluVerse. And I know the Hazbin is literally there to help rehabilitate people so charging them to stay would be counterproductive.

But my dude…do you understand how much money would be needed to run an operation of this scale?

At the end of Season 1, the new Hazbin is huge. Like it easily looks as big, if not bigger, than the hotel I work at which has nearly 500 rooms. Do you know how much revenue our team has to generate to keep this place running? Do you know how many millions our target goal is set at for each quarter? How many hundreds of thousands my coworkers’ individual quotas are set to? And sunshine in a bottle over here doesn’t charge her residents anything????? 

How does she get all those decorations? How does she order food or inventory? We know Hell has an economy, like Angel literally says he needs to save money for drugs in his first appearance. Is she…does she even pay her staff???

It is utterly appalling that Charlie is able to operate a hotel of this scale, both because of how it doesn’t make sense from a business perspective and because there are IRL billionaires that could probably do the same thing and solve homelessness overnight. 

Speaking of scale:

Issue #2: The Hazbin’s Systems, Or Lack Thereof

Okay so, yes, there’s only like…one official resident of the hotel, maybe two if Cherri moves in and doesn’t become a staff member (RIP Pentious, you would have loved living with Cherri Bomb). With the staff the way it is, that’s a solid 5:1 ratio, which is beyond ideal. But—and I touch on this in the fic—I feel I must reiterate: the new Hazbin is fucking massive. And you know what that means? It’s going to be able to hold a lot of guests. Guests that will need staff to take care of them. Let’s review:

Charlie is the owner and mostly teaches classes. Vaggie is the co-owner and kind of acts as the Executive Assistant to Charlie’s General Manager. I guess Alastor is the Hotel Manager? I’m gonna be honest, I have no idea what he does, but generally speaking he’s supposed to be the jack of all trades and manage the rest of the staff. Niffty handles Housekeeping and I guess would be the director of that. Husk is the bartender but like canonically only really eats pub food so he definitely can’t be the Food & Beverage head. 

Let’s say we scrap the Sales and Revenue Departments because clearly they don’t need income, but we keep a Marketing position so that Charlie can get the word out about the hotel. That leaves us with the need for Engineering, Front Desk, Rooms, and F&B staff. And like, not just one person—that would fucking suck—but proper staff. And given their track record of organization and managing the hotel…let’s just say, I would not be applying to the Hazbin Hotel anytime soon. Honestly, it sounds like that job would qualify to be the new tenth circle of Hell. 

What Does the Hazbin Get Right About IRL Hospitality?

So yes, clearly the world of the Hazbin Hotel leans towards the more fanciful—it is a story about Hell after all. However, there have been some moments that have made me chuckle as a hotel employee, things that are relatable for us in the hospitality world. Allow me to highlight them for you below:

Everyone is Bat Shit Crazy

Hospitality professionals are weird. So weird. Before I started my job, I was terrified of the level of professionality I would need to have. When I first got hired, I was given a whole packet on dress code and appropriate conduct. As you can probably tell from my writing style, this was concerning: I can be professional when I need to be, but I cannot maintain that guise for extended periods of time. Call it my toxic trait.

I also already had this impression of poised and put-together hotel staff from my previous experiences with travel. All the Front Desk agents would be in these clean and wrinkle-free clothes with kind yet business-forward attitudes, office workers would be walking around in full suits, and occasionally you’d see the hotel management on the floor if you were looking. Let me tell you now—it is a facade. An act. An incredible stage production unfolding in real time where all the staff do their absolute damndest to make you feel like you are in an organized and professional institution. Not unlike a certain hit animated musical.

My direct supervisor, the literal Director of Catering and Events, once told me that being a liiiiiittle crazy was a prerequisite for working in our department during the hiring process for a new Sales Manager. She was wrong—the prerequisite is not “a little” crazy. The prerequisite is being bat shit insane. And it’s not just our department, oh noooOoooOo, it is every department. Downstairs in our little basement dungeon, we make out of pocket comments, scream at random intervals, and swear way more than we should (that one might be my fault…according to my partner I swear more at work than at home and apparently it’s rubbing off on my colleagues), but that behavior is in no way restricted to just the Sales Team. 

I process the checks that are sent to our property and our Director of Rooms makes me say “can I get a WITNESSSS” before she signs off on the drop log (Charlie-core). If I don’t say it high pitched enough or with enough vigor, she makes me do it again. I once watched a guy in Engineering climb a tall step ladder balanced with two legs on a platform and a third leg balanced on a wooden plank his coworker was holding steady. The fourth leg was over the open air. Let me reiterate: the open. Fucking. Air. Tell me you can’t see Angel Dust and Cherri doing that shit.

Speaking of Engineering, you wanna know what dumbass thing happened just this morning? The Regional Director of the department—regional meaning he manages teams all across our area, like top level type shit—told us about this cursed ass Instagram trend he found where allegedly, putting ketchup on a Kit Kat tasted like fudge. So right there and then, him, myself, and two other coworkers decided ‘why the fuck not?’:

I would never seek it out willingly again, but I honestly didn’t hate it. 

The point of all of this is to say—the antics the Hazbin crew get up to? Totally realistic. I could see my coworker Robert throwing me into an active battlefield against my will. We have deadass done the role playing thing Angel and Pentious did during our trainings, and it was just as unhinged. Every day some shit happens at this hotel and I’m just like, “Yup. That could happen in Hazbin.”

“Call Now! Or Don’t! I Don’t Care! We Still Don’t Have a Working Phone!”

I would like to preface this section by saying: if you happen to be a Front Desk associate, I’m sorry. This is not directed at you, this is directed at your managers and their communication skills that may or may not exist. If you are somehow a manager reading this, uh—first of all, cringe. Second of all, I hope these next few paragraphs don’t apply to you. If they do and you’re offended: that’s a certified you-problem, babes. 

There are three certainties in this life: death, taxes, and miscommunication from your fucking managers. Tell me why in this past week alone I have been in 5 different email threads regarding fuck-ups and complaints from guests about things that we had clearly communicated. Tell me why in these email threads, people were attempting to throw me under the bus or shift the blame to my team. Tell me why I have gone to every single individual office in my department complaining about this. Tell me why this isn’t the first time this has happened.

Another hotel tidbit: across the board, Q1 (Jan-Mar) is supposed to be slow, for all of hospitality. It’s the time to get the metaphorical phone lines working, ya know? Our Q1 was stupidly busy, so I get it, people were slammed and short staffed. But like… we had time. Time to iron out our communication, time to create systems and processes that would ensure we’d be all set when things got busier. Yet here I am at the start of Q2 with an entire fist shoved up my ass being puppeted around to fix other people’s mistakes. 

It’s times like these when I go back to rewatch Hazbin for the like 26th time and I watch Charlie and Alastor run the hotel and I’m just like “whyyYyYyYyYyYy”. Like I KNOW Vaggie has had days where she’s like, “what…what am I supposed to be doing right now? Like what is my job, what… What?” 

It’s not just Front Desk either. It’s every department, even my own bosses. Like the call is coming from inside the house, sweetie, why did you tell this Sales Manager that I was taking care of all her commissions but you didn’t tell me this. Why am I blocking a room for an Orientation the following Monday at fucking 5:45 PM on a Friday. Why am I JUST finding out about a VIP guest when I have been asking you if you had any notes for me for the whole week.

I touch on it in my fic as well but like…pretty sure Charlie just, decides to host her classes day of. And that drives me insane. Like I…there are processes. Things that need to be done so that everyone is on the same page. You don’t just wing this shit, that’s how you end up with Susan calling your Director to tell her that you’re a useless waste of space not even deserving of the air in your lungs because you didn’t give her her fucking breakfast voucher. 

As a character, I love Alastor. If I were ever in the same room as him, I’d probably hate him. But if there’s anything relatable about that Geneva Convention Violation on Legs it’s his absolutely done attitude in Episode 1’s opening commercial.

Charlie Loves Helping People, and So Do We!

Alright, I’ve complained for enough paragraphs, let’s be positive for a second. The thing that is by far the most true to life in Hazbin Hotel is how much joy Charlie gets from taking care of her guests. Like…that’s our bread and butter in the hospitality world. Well, maybe just the butter; we need that bread in the form of cold hard cash (or direct deposits, whatever works best). But as much as I will bitch and moan about the difficulties of working in a hotel, there’s nothing quite as fulfilling as a guest telling you that you made their entire trip better. The butterflies I get reading reviews where my coworkers are mentioned by name and a guest writes about how we completely turned around their bad day are an absolute delight. It just means the world knowing that you can have that kind of impact on someone, even if it’s just in the little things.

In Episode 2, when Charlie and the crew are welcoming Sir Pentious and she just starts vibrating with excitement is exactly how I feel when I get to meet a client that we’ve been working with for months and finally welcome them to our property. When they sing “It Starts With Sorry” and just get to have a moment of empathy and compassion together, it reminds me of the clients and the phone calls I take where I get to ask them about their goals and help them feel like they’re supported and heard. In the grand scheme of things, is a nice phone call or interaction with some hotel employee going to change your life? Probably not. But for those few moments when their burdens seem lighter is why I love my job.

This goes for guests, and for my fellow coworkers. I’ve been very blessed to start my hospitality career in an unusually supportive work culture. Yeah, we can be some right petty bitches sometimes, but overall everyone is so encouraging and so quick to help lighten each other’s loads. Like in Episode 5 (best episode btw, for obvious reasons) when all the Hazbin Crew are working together to prepare the hotel for Lucifer’s arrival, that shit made me so giddy cause like- that’s us! Look at us go! We workin together so hard, we’re so cute! Like when Niffty and Pentious are baking and she looks up at him all excited n’ shit—that’s literally been me working with our Director of Restaurants on new food menus or promotional material. 

There’s something about being in an occupation where your whole purpose is to take care of people that really brings out the selflessness in you, and I think that’s what makes the hotel such a great setting for Charlie’s mission of redemption. I didn’t realize that until writing this paragraph tbh, but yeah, it just kinda…works. When your job is to make sure other people have a good time and feel supported and you’re surrounded by people that make you feel the same way, it’s a lot easier to want to choose to do good, to do right by the people around you. So as much as I have some silly little nitpicks…yeah, I can admit—I love that this show is about the Hazbin Hotel specifically.

Anyways, if you made it this far, thanks for reading! Next update for Life is In Redemption will be out in the days to come, just thought this would be a fun addition while I work on some of the content with my friends. This upcoming chapter is going to have a co-author, so get hyyyyyped :)

[gb-patch]

Hi, the 'refund ask' person here. Please don't feel pressured to give an answer, I just want to clarify and apologize for a few things, for whoever is behind this acc, reading and taking their time to give detailed answers :)

First, I am sorry, truly, for coming across as a rude person who would scam a small business, and such valuable creators and artists. It was not my intention. I didn't think of it in the moment, I didn't even think that my question would be answered. (Which obviously changes nothing because you would still read it, and it apparently took me a while to realize, but you are a real person. A personal 'sorry' here.)

Like you said, it definitely was an 'it doesn't hurt to ask' mindset that I wrote the question with. Thank you for assuming I meant well, I really did. But I do see my fault now, so really, really thanks for taking your time to explain it in detail. In retrospect, no matter how 'well' I meant, I was in the wrong. To put it mildly, I was ignorant. It feels stupid to say it, but I guess I needed to hear from someone that I couldn't just give someone money, take what they're offering, and ask for my money back. It wasn't how I viewed my question then, but it definitely is now. Also, they might not see this, but a sincere thank-you to the other people who commented on my ask, for making me see how wrong my words sounded when they weren't just in my head. It was a lesson learned, to say the least.

Also, please understand that I didn't mean to say it wasn't worth $5 for 'just a moment', even though I did say it that way. I see how I could've worded that differently. Each and every moment of the story is super important to me, and believe me, I do think thay they all are worth way more than what you're charging, or mostly, not charging. However, it was silly and greedy to ask you to just give away even more of those beautifully made moments. Of course it is your right to charge for your hard work, and I am actually glad you're doing so.

I know it doesn't change anything, or take back what I previously said (no matter how much I wish it could) but I really wanted to make sure you didn't think there was someone in your audience who would be willing to scam you and even shamelessly ask for permission to see if they could. Again, not the intention at all.

Finally, it is actually so nice to see that a small company like yours has a lot of supporters willing to defend it. My question definitely wasn't a scam attempt, but if it were, I'm so glad to see that it wouldn't succeed or go unnoticed.

I will keep on supporting you, albeit silently for the time being, and playing your games for as long as I can. Our Life is an absolute delight of an experience, it inspired me a bunch, helped me through some tough moments in my own life, and is a game that is far more than just a game to me. I can't wait to see what you put out there next. You guys are some of the best out there in my opinion. Love what you do, love the way you communicate with your audience, and love how you handle crises like this. Hope you all have very nice lives where you can create to your heart's content :)

Sorry for the drama I caused, and sorry again, bc this ask is too long :) Thank you for reading.

It's alright. You don't need to apologize. I'm happy you were sympathetic to where I was coming from and that's all I would want. You didn't upset me or cause me any harm and I absolutely don't want you feel unwelcome over asking a question. It took years to make a game that could make people happy, but in only minutes I can sour the experience for people forever with what I post in these ask answers. I hope to avoid that as much as possible.

Not long before you sent your answer, there was another ask about this that was understanding of your situation.

"Im NOT that anon but I'm kind of sad how many other anons are judging them and seem to be a bit eurocentric? not everyone who plays these games have the same currency or similar currency conversiom rate as someone whos family is from venezuela, $5 is barely enough to buy flour, rice, and fish so what may seem like pocket change to you might be all someone else could live on. scummy would be to do so without ask. just disappointed bc i thought this community was more open-minded"

I agree that money is a difficult thing to get and people can't be blamed for not being able, or simply not wanting, to use it on visual novel content. Though, it is also a sore spot for artists who are very familiar with people who flat out devalue their time/effort and think there's no reason to pay for it. It can be hard to always take the question of 'can I get your hard work for free?' with no frustration. But that wasn't the intention of the original question.

If it the question had gotten a different type of response people wouldn't have felt the need to come to my defense over it. At the end of the day, I'm the one who could've avoided this and answered the question in a way that left the asker and the other readers satisfied/informed. It went too far this time.

It's always hard to know how to manage these situations. When a question comes along about a touchy topic but I think it's important to answer, I try to make it definitive and also to make clear that this doesn't open the gates for future asks about this. If I don't, then inevitably more asks come in and I either have to keep addressing/arguing a topic or ignoring them without explanation. It can make a development blog about posting previews a pretty unpleasant place. But if I use one ask to make an overall statement, it can come across unnecessarily strong against the single question the asker sent in.

To the OP, I'm sorry for making you feel like what you did was a huge mistake. It really wasn't. It was a just question over a policy that was intended as neutral and ended up with extra meaning put on it because of outside circumstances/other people's prior and potential actions. I hope you're able to feel reassured after all of this.

And the last thing I'll say is that future asks commentating about the situation won't be posted.

Thank you again for playing!

[wheeler-beretta-harwood]

Meant to be (Cash Wheeler x Reader)

Chapter Three

"Well?" Dax asked Cash as soon as he opened the door to the locker room.

Dax wouldn't admit it, but he was beyond excited that Cash was back on the dating scene - at least that's what he thought it was. He was still surprised at his tag team partner's choice though. However, the more he had thought about it, the more it seemed logical: Throughout the years, Cash seemed to be only attracted to one type and one type only. The bad thing was, they were either in it for his money and fame, or the moment Cash truly opened up to them, they left. And truth be told, Cash wasn't easy to love. He was very guarded and rarely let his walls come down. It took him years of working together until he finally shared his story and let him in on his thoughts. You, however, seemed different, not just by looks, also by the way you carried yourself. Never had he seen you trying to get anything going with any of your richer, more famous co-workers. You didn't fawn over every guy that crossed your way. On the contrary, you seemed to not want any business with any of the guys.

"Well what?" Cash tried to keep it down, but there was a small, almost serene smile gracing his lips.

"How'd it go? You seem to be....satisfied."

"It went.....it was good. She's nice."

"Good? Nice? Don't try to play it cool now, man. Your face is telling a different story." Dax got up and walked to the other man to pat him on the shoulder. "Look, I am glad you're back in the saddle. Especially after what happened last time...." he trailed off and immediately regretted the fact that he brought his ex up. He saw the smile leaving Cash's features to be replaced by a frown. It still hurt him, he could tell.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to....You know, Y/N is different. I can tell. When are you going to see her again?" He smiled a little, trying to lighten up the mood that he had so harshly ruined himself.

"Friday."

"Good. Now let's go to Best Friends and talk over our match. Maybe you wanna impress Y/N tonight." With these words, Dax opened the door, waiting for Cash to come along with him.

"Yup, I feel like I need to hit a good Uppercut tonight." With these words, Cash's facial expressions changed again, turning the frown into a smile.

He definitely wanted to impress you.

-----------------------------------

Friday couldn't arrive fast enough for your liking. You were so busy on Wednesday evening that you didn't get the chance to meet Cash after his match. But you were beaming. Of course, you had watched FTR vs Best Friends. How could you not. And when Cash was outside the ring, hitting Chuck Taylor with a massive European Uppercut and winking at the camera, your smile grew even bigger. Emma, who stood next to you, noticed it too.

"You like when he does that, huh? But then, you like anything he does in the ring. Even the mean stuff."

You chuckled a little at Emma's comment and simply nodded your head. She had no idea what was going on, that the 'mean stuff' they were doing in the ring was part of being a heel. She simply didn't care for wrestling the way you did. She worked there for the money and because she would travel across the country.

When you made your way to the cafeteria to meet with Cash on Friday, you noticed Dax lingering in front of the entrance, leaning against the wall. When he saw you approach, he stood up straight and cleared his throat.

"Hi Dax. Have you been waiting for me? Do you need anything?"

"Hey Y/N. In fact, yes I need to talk to you for a second." The tone in his voice made it clear that this wasn't going to be a sweet little talk among friends.

You patiently waited for him to start talking again as he seemed to find the right words.

"Cash is...I think he likes you. But he hasn't made the best experiences so far. I guess what I'm trying to say is: don't lead him on. I don't know what your intentions are but please be honest with him. He deserves that." Dax knew that it was in fact him who had put the doubt back in Cash's head, and just after the first date, so naturally he felt bad, but also overprotective of his best friend. Plus, he knew he was being an ass to you right now because he honestly thought you were different from Cash's ex, but he needed to be sure.

A small 'okay' was all that left your lips, your excitement for the meet-up having abruptly faded. Did these two really think you had bad intentions with Cash? What were they talking and thinking about you? You didn't even initiate this whole thing, and now you're the manipulative one? You felt yourself grow angry, no, it wasn't anger. You were hurt. If you were alone right now, you'd turn on your heels and leave Cash waiting. But Dax was here, watching you intently. You HAD to go in there.

When you saw him sitting at his usual table at the Daily's Place cafeteria, your heart was torn. He had two cups of coffee in front of him, which you found adorable. But Dax's words just kept ringing in your ears. Over and over.

"Hey, how have you been?"

"Hey Cash, great, I've been just great." Sarcasm dripping from your voice as you replied.

Cash noticed, but couldn't make anything out of it. Maybe you just had a bad day. It happens.

"I got you a coffee. Didn't know if you wanted sugar or not, so there's two sugars in there...?" He smiled, growing nervous

"Thanks, but I don't put sugar in my coffee." You knew you were being a bitch to him, but you couldn't help it. You were regretting to let this whole book club thing get started in the first place. You should have just said no and continued with your normal, lonely life. It wasn't half bad. At least better than internally fuming with a man you were crushing on after just one date. And it wasn't even a real date.

"Oh, sorry, I'll get you another one." It took you a moment to realize what he was talking about and as he got up you quickly answered.

"No, no need to. Listen. I have a lot to do today and I haven't been feeling so good. I don't want to waste our time right now when I'm not fully paying attention. Sorry." You said as you got up yourself.

"Oh, okay. Maybe then on the next Dynamite?" Cash was visibly disappointed on how this went down, but he didn't want to push you to talk about what was wrong. You didn't know each other that well. Yet.

"Yeah, maybe another time." You vaguely replied as you started to walk away.

"Hey, did you see the Uppercut on Wednesday?" Cash started again, not wanting you to leave so soon. When you turned around, you couldn't help but notice the hopeful look in his eyes.

"I did. It was beautiful. Well executed, Mr. Wheeler." Although you were sad, you smiled at him while answering. His smile was matching yours, genuine and hurt at the same time.

As you left the cafeteria, you were deep in thought.

He couldn't possibly think you were such a bitch and then do all those cute little things for you, could he? What had happened to the man that he was this doubtful of you? And why were you pissed off that he could have doubts about you when in fact, you doubted him and his intentions all the time?

---------------------------------

For the next few weeks, you successfully dodged any kind of meeting with Cash. At first, you needed time to think about the whole situation. So you skipped eating in the cafeteria in fear of an unplanned run-in with any of the two members of FTR. Luck was on your side too: you had no professional work encounters with the men.

Later, when you realized Cash and Dax stopped looking for you, you mentally closed the folder of potential romance with Cash Wheeler and started minding your own business again. For some odd reason though, you didn't enjoy reading on your own all that much any more. Guess they ruined that for you, at least for some time.

As you were running some errands for Tony Khan's assistant, you walked into Emma.

"Yo, I ran into our supervisor and she said she needed you in room 154 in ten minutes. Something about a quick meeting you should prepare the room for."

That sounded weird to you. "I am actually working on TK's staff right now, so...why didn't she tell me over headset?"

"How would I know? She just stated that she needed you there. So I guess you better go." Emma just shrugged and left you there.

It's better to check on it quick than get into trouble so you made your way to said room. When you reached it, the door wasn't fully closed. You heard male voices, obviously not your supervisor, but entered anyway, only to come face to face with Dax Harwood.

"Hey Y/N." You were about to turn around and run for your life when you noticed Cash sitting on the table slowly turning his gaze from his phone to you. Not your face, just your general direction.

Dax noticed your intentions as well, so he lightly gripped your wrist. He wouldn't let you run away this time.

"So,I fucked up. Okay? I brought up stuff that I shouldn't have, I said things I shouldn't have, and I fucked it up for you two. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you, Cash, and I didn't mean to insult you, Y/N. I just....I care about this man." He said to you while pointing to Cash. "I have seen some bad shit happening to him, and I want to protect him. He's like my little brother. I do understand that I have crossed a line with the both of you and I am sorry. You two were just starting to have something nice and I immediately ruined that. I am sorry." Dax was now looking at Cash. "Just don't let my grumpy old ass fuck that up for you. I know you are two grown adults, you don't need someone to run your romantic life by. I just want you both to be happy. Again, I am sorry. I won't mess it up for you again." The room was then filled with a silence that was almost unbearable. You could cut the tension with a knife.

"You better not." Cash was the first one to speak, and you appreciated it. You, on the other hand, were unable to find the right words.

Dax simply nodded and left the room, making sure to close the door behind him, so none of you would leave right away.

The both of you looked at each other for a while, no word spoken. When you felt his gaze on you too much, you decided to walk over to the table and sit next to him. Meanwhile, Cash felt nervous now that you were so close to him, so he started fumbling with his hands.

This time, you were the one to say something.  "Do you really think that of me?"

For some moments, Cash remained silent as he wasn't so sure what you meant. When it dawned on him, his eyes grew big. "That you meet up with me for fame and money? Hell no." His answer made you chuckle, but when you turned to face him, you could see the serious expression on his features still prominent.

"Why didn't you tell me what was wrong? What Dax had said to you? First, I was worried when you said you weren't feeling well, and then, when you avoided me like the plague, I was...." He trailed off, not daring to say it out loud.

"You were what, Cash? Hurt? So was I. I thought we had a good time, and then out of the blue, Dax comes and tells me you guys are second guessing me. Right away."

"I've never thought anything bad about you." He stared blankly across the room, basically anywhere but your direction.

You smiled at his comment, it felt good to hear it.

"That's good to know, Cash." You nudged his shoulder with yours, earning a smile from the man next to you.

"And I am sorry for leaving you in the cafeteria back then. I shouldn't have. I didn't know how to react. Maybe you can tell, but I'm not good with people. Social interactions are hard. But I'll try to change that. So next time anything happens, I will tell you. Okay?"

His head turned slowly while taking in every word you just said.

"Next time?"

"Yeah, if you're still up for it, I mean. If you don't want to, it's fine too. It's just...reading isn't as much fun without you."

This time it was his turn to nudge your shoulder. "So.....Wednesday, cafeteria?"

"Wednesday, cafeteria." You repeated his words while hopping off the table, making your way to the door. He quickly followed behind you and you two made your way while talking about wrestling.

Down the hallway, in the opposite direction, Emma was raising her hand for a high-five with Dax. He didn't make a move. "Come on, you know you wanna do it, Dax!" He shook his head and left Emma hanging.

He was just relieved he didn't completely mess this up.

Chapter Four

[hypermania]

Thoughts on people saying Misha experienced homophobia on the set of Supernatural even though he's straight?

i wasn't going to answer this because i'm pretty sure it's just bait but fuck it.

first:

i think that you should take someone at their word when they tell you how they identify, no matter what. i think if someone says they're straight, even if they're only saying it because they happen to be in the closet, it's still your job to take it as truth. you don't know someone better than they know themselves and you don't know why someone is identifying the way they are. it's not your job—or your right—to second-guess them.

i think that how someone currently identifies has no bearing on how they used to identify or how they will identify in the future. things can change and that doesn't make someone a liar. i also don't think that a person's sexual history is demonstrative of their sexual orientation or gender identity.

so, with all that in mind:

misha collins has said publicly and with intent at least twice now that he is a heterosexual man. so i'm going to believe him. but courtney! he also said he was bisexual. you're absolutely right, he did say that, and while him saying that was meant to be a joke (and it was, whether or not he actually identified as bisexual at the time, the comment was a joke) i took him at his word when it happened. he has since retracted it and i'm taking him at his word for that too. i'm not going to try to interpret any "signaling" or "flagging" or "clues" i think i've decoded as another queer person. (and somewhat relatedly: he put on a dress like two times. stop saying he's gender-nonconforming just because he isn't crushing beer bottles against his forehead.). point is: i'm choosing to believe he's a straight man because that's what he has said he is.

and straight people don't experience homophobia. i think the term people have been forgetting in this discussion is "toxic masculinity." misha collins, and honestly probably every single other person who's ever stepped foot on that set, was a victim of toxic masculinity.

but here's the thing about that: i think a large part of this fandom wants to paint misha as a victim of something, anything really, so badly because if he's not the victim, it must mean he's the perpetrator and that he's a horrible no-good evil piece of shit and everything he ever did was a lie.

but that's not how the real world works. misha did a lot of good. he fought for queer rep on the show and he raised a lot of money for the community and he made a lot of people feel loved and accepted. those things are all still true. they don't just go away because he doesn't identify as queer himself. but that doesn't mean that he has never been part of the problem. he has made homophobic (and misogynistic) jokes. he has! he just has. (and side note: i would really love it if people could stop painting him as a victim of the all the other evil men involved with supernatural. misha is a rich white dude. if he didn't want to keep going back, he didn't have to. he chose to continue to be a part of that set and he is still choosing to carry on personal relationships with a lot of those people. stop infantilizing him and acting like he's just a poor widdle baby getting bullied. he's a grown man and he makes his own choices.)

anyway, my point is that it's not all-or-nothing. he did good and he did bad and those are not mutually exclusive and they don't cancel each other out.

there are people who are feeling hurt and/or upset and that's valid. they thought he was "safe" and it turns out he was making a joke out of their sexuality, and even if it wasn't malicious, even if it was meant to be inclusive, it was still a joke and sometimes that hits a little too close to home.

but the people who are saying he's either total homophobic scum OR just a poor little victim uwu that got bullied by the real homophobes—i'm sorry but please grow up.

i think as of march we had 16 states pushing "don't say gay" bills and there are currently 35 states with at least one anti-trans bill being pushed. misha collins is just a flawed human trying to do good, who happens to have fucked up. the memes were entertaining but we have got way more important things to worry about right now.