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nomsfaultau · 7 months ago

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well i had a tumblr error so I'm going to copy and paste the ask

wlwdwtys asked:

(Potentially) Daily ask №4

Tommy edition!

How did he become a collected? You don't gotta say if it's way too major spoilers

If he was given the opportunity to get rid of the Red permanently, would he? What if that meant that some random child in the world got the Red instead? Would his choice change?

How old is he?

His opinion on SCP 053? That one 3 year old girl physical contact with whom causes the person to become aggressive towards her but die moments after harming her, from a heart attack? She's kind of the opposite to his powers, isn't she?

BOOM I have brought a golden bracelet that allows to turn the red on and off at will. With just the intention to, basically. Now he can hug whoever he wants with little repercussions. Also, eat your vegetables, Tommy Innit.

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Not spoilers at all. Tommy and Philza’s first encounter consisted initially of Philza threatening to caramelize him till he was but naught a stain upon the earth all shuddered to remember etc etc. In Phil’s defense he thought the phone call was a hostage negotiation for his teleported mentee. After reunion with The Blade, Philza’s opinion about the summoning thing was that it was a power not in good hands, given teen Tommy was a twit, but at least non malicious ones. He figured it was best to be on good terms with Tommy given The Blade’s safety was on the line. Tommy naturally had a whole normal life going on and wasn’t exactly going to drop it to be with them 24/7, which Phil thought reasonable despite his security problem. Tommy started visiting them and bringing food (and his mum at first, who wasn’t pleased her kid was hanging around with homeless men but also recognized they had experience with powers that she couldn’t help Tommy with). Tommy was in desperate need of any sort of guidance given he was grappling with suddenly not being human anymore. Poor idiot thought he was in a different genre and mistook the anomalies for a band of superpowered vigilantes. The trio tried to tone everything down for him, make life on the run seem thrilling and not deadly, hide the bodies before he came to visit, etc. Everything just seems safer and lighter when Tommy was around. Philza became fond of the bright eyed ball of energy, and after months realized ‘oh muffin I want to Collect him.’ At which point Wilbur and The Blade traded money in the background. It was more efficient that way anyway, since The Blade wouldn’t be summoned if Tommy was safe so might as well protect him. Not sure what his long term plan was since mother innit would’ve had his hide if he suggested Tommy take up being a homeless nomad instead of going to college, but the Foundation captured Tommy before anything so I suppose it doesn’t matter much. Tommy’s initial reaction to being asked about Collection was “huh? But I already have a dad.”

Tommy would get rid of his Red in a heartbeat. It’s a curse to him, a large source of his trauma, and the reason the Foundation oppresses him. If someone else would get it… he’d still give it up. He’s not above selfishness. And honestly it still might be a better outcome since the new person wouldn’t be traumatized by their own power in a way that makes it far more dangerous and difficult to live with. Frankly if it wasn’t a trigger for him Tommy could very well touch people just fine since its effects are proportional to his panic.

Now that is a spoiler. But he was captured when in the late 15 area, and had a party with Tubbo and Rosalind for his 17th while in the Foundation. They were guessing tho, since it’s hard to keep track of time and so it didn’t really take place on the 10th of April, if I’m remembering Tommy’s birthday right. And since the clues are in Fault and at least a few commenters have figured it out: Tommy is actually 21, and everyone was in the Foundation for 5 years. The Blade is the only one who knows this due to his infrequent escapes. Due to a lack of typical developmental milestones such as graduation, moving out of his parents house (in a normal and safe way), etc Tommy still acts like a teenager. People well into adult hood like Rosalind, Rhodes, etc register him as a kid because of that immaturity. Philza doesn’t judge mortal ages well, Wilbur has no frame of reference and is always taller even when Tommy grows, and everyone is teeny tiny to The Blade. Tubbo was initially pretty shocked given how tall Tommy is, but Rhodes skewed the frame of reference. Plus, then Tommy opened his mouth.

In his role as a research tool, it’s possible Tommy’s encountered her, since the Foundation would want to know if she has powers outside of the touch thing. When ordered not to touch the kid, he laughed humorously. Likely he dripped some Red on her and then sat in the corner while the kid attacked the D-class. He was grateful about the heart attack part, far easier for them to just drop dead rather than watch a baby try to rip em apart. He’d probably try to comfort her after, and would have some degree of success given a scene where he calmed a hysterical Jasmine (5) and the number of instances helping Tubbo through the trauma of the Foundation. It’s helped but the fact 053 isn’t really affected by the attacks, but he would lose points for inadvertently suggesting some of his own ill advised coping mechanisms or convictions. I don’t think her anomalous affect would target him while the Red was active, so he might draw little pictures on the floor for her with Red while janitors took care of the body.

Tubbo has to carry around Tommy for days since he’s in full koala bear mode. They don’t mind but also they don’t have very high stamina due to how many bees they’ve lost. Wilbur would also get a lot of physical affection, and for once wouldn’t be a cagey tsundere about it. There’d be hesitation at first, of course, still instinctively demuring from contact and holding himself back, but that would fade into only subconscious, infrequent moments Tommy would be almost always touching someone, an arm slung over shoulders, a hand hooked in the crook of an elbow, leaning and pressing and starving.

He’d never turn it back on.

#Fault has such a strange distinction of what’s a spoiler #Technically it isn’t even explained what Phil Wil and the blades powers even were until maybe 170k in. And even then there’s less explinat #And more demonstration #Hell. It’s probably gonna be the million work mark when Tommy’s whole deal is fully explained #Since there’s two whole bombshells there that have only been hinted at #Problem is the cast assumes they understand it and more importantly are allergic to questions -_-“#I guess I’d be too if years of dissection from Foundation doctors happened to me #tommyinnit #sbi scp au #fault au #sbi au #sbi #dsmp #mcyt #scp tommyinnit #scp 053 #ask #something to nom on #ask me anything

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winxanity-ii · 1 year ago

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❀ ° • • • ╮ 𝖂𝖊𝖑𝖈𝖔𝖒𝖊 ╰ • • • ° ❀

18+ 𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐤(𝐬) | 𝐌𝐢𝐧𝐨𝐫𝐬 𝐃𝐨 𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐈𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭

The name's Xani, and welcome to my blog where i push out all the delusional scenarios/stories—both sfw and nsfw—my maladaptive daydreams like to stir up...

i'm not really sure how this goes, but if you guys have an idea you'd like to see written, send it, and hopefully my delusions will work in overdrive to complete them...

um, what else? i guess all i can say is hold on because i tend to bounce from fandom to fandom due to my attention/dopamine span-some range from a few days-weeks, others months, but right now i'm hooked on anime ❤️.

also, don't hold back! though i may be new to this posting stuff, i've had my fair share of experiences, so whatever you think of, i most likely dabbled in it...

and if i do a good enough job on something and have more spunk in the gunk, i'll do my best to do a continuation on whatever...

also, don't be afraid to reblog/like either! it let's me know i'm doing a good job (not that i like being praised or anything hahahah, unless 👀)

i guess that's all. bye!

other useless info: ╰┈➤ ✨ 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭　𝐦𝐞 ✨

check out my sister's page for more writing's like this; she does a multitude of fandoms just like I do, so it you like my writing style/fics, you'll adore her's ❤️😩: 🇰‌-🇳‌🇦‌🇾‌🇪‌🇪‌

FANDOMS I WRITE FOR **

[Updated: Nov. 01, 2024]╮sorry, i try to keep it up to always date but ya know, things kinda slip; will most likely fix when i have free time

Recent Fic: 𝐈 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞, 𝐑𝐨𝐛𝐨𝐭 ~ Install 5 | 🇨‌🇭‌🇦‌🇵‌🇹‌🇪‌🇷‌ 🇮‌🇳‌🇩‌🇪‌🇽 | Yandere!Andy x Fem!Reader / Alien!AU

Top 6 Recent One-shots:

Resonance | various!bnha / bnha!au

Damned Devotion 🔞 | father charlie / grotesquerie!au

Father, Forgive Me 🔞 | father charlie / grotesquerie!au

Second, Servitude 🔞 | incubus!gojo (ft.geto) / non-sorcerer!au

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Scarlet Chains, Golden Riddles | kurapika / hunterxhunter!au

**Please note that this blog is intended for audiences aged 18 years and above, minors DNI. Here, you'll find a mix of both safe-for-work (SFW), not safe-for-work (NSFW), and dark content.

And just a friendly reminder, if you prefer not to see certain types of content or are under 18, it's best not to proceed further. While I cannot fully control who accesses my work, if you so happen to be a minor who ignores this warning, and honestly, can't shame 'cuz I did the same when I was younger💀 I encourage you to read at your own discretion.

PLEASE READ BELOW BEFORE REQUESTING:

NOTE: I do NOT have a set writing-schedule! This is just a space for me to dump my self-insert writings, but feel free to ask questions/leave comments, they make my day 😊❤️❤️.... (though if you want something specifically done/requested faster, you can support me on my ko-fi.)

Also, I will NOT be responding to malicious Anonymous/Anon asks or posts; if you do, you will receive 1 reminder of this before getting ignored. It's nothing personal—I just prefer to respond to someone whose intentions are to criticism/expect me to change to their desires. If you have genuine questions, thoughts, or feedback, please reach out so we can have a real conversation, as well as get your questions fully answered and see more about what my mind is coming up with!

If not all, the majority of my work(s) will be written with the heavy intentions of poc!reader/black!reader but can be read by any ethnicities/races. Also, please understand that anything I write is solely for my enjoyment—if anything, you guys are just tagging along witnessing my delusions come to life in real-time; if you don’t like what I create, scram and make your own…like I did 😁

P.S. The quickest and swiftest way to get blocked is by telling me what I need to do in my writing(s)... like, be for real 😐

Also, and I can't possibly stress this enough, please refrain from stealing/plagiarizing ANY of my works! I am passionate about sharing my creations on this platform, but I must emphasize that I am the sole legal owner and author of any of my works posted. Any unauthorized use or plagiarism of my work will result in immediate takedown and legal action taken. Respect for copyright is essential to maintain the integrity of my original storyline and the characters within, and if not, I have zero-problems with taking them down indefinitely! Enjoy~😊

Key: xani-writes: (works/fics) xani-speaks: (random thought) xani-responds: (usually responses to asks/etc.) xani-navi: (my master lists/etc)

𝐚𝐥𝐭 𝐚𝐜𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: lulu-4-u | Lusion

#navigation #masterlist #welcome #xaniwrites-welcome #xani-responds #xani-speaks

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skatermusic · 2 months ago

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There was no mistaking Semeru's favourite colour. The floor, his bedding, even the.....pet bed? in the room was blue.

Semeru looked up from the weapon he was sharpening. "Hermione, always a pleasure to see you. Please, come in."

Hermione happily swam into the shark's room. "How has your day been?"

Semeru put his polishing materials down as he spoke. "Other than taking my third night patrol in a row and whipping the new recruits into shape, uneventful, so don't take it personally if I fall asleep during your visit. Yours?"

"Oh, y'know, donated some stuff to the museum, bought another cow, ran some errands for people, fished for a few hours, and now I'm here."

Semeru beamed. "Always a pleasure to see you. I've just realized you've learned so much about my world, but I barely know anything about yours."

Hermione began with basic differences, sprinkling her own experiences in. Semeru listened intently, only politely interrupting to ask for clarification, which the farmer happily provided, even if it meant having to compare their worlds. Halfway through a story about her childhood dog, she just had to ask:

"Quick question, Semeru."

"Of course."

"Is that a pet bed?" Hermione asked, pointing to the tiny bed in Semeru's room.

"Yes, for my lobster, Poseidon. He ran off some time ago."

Hermione's heart broke. When her dog, Dusty, had run away, she was crushed. "Oh no, I'm so sorry. I hope you find him."

"Thank you, I hope so too."

To change the depressing subject, Hermione told Semeru about her family-growing up the only girl in a house full of boys, her parents, and cherished memories. "How about you?"

"Remember when you saved that seahorse fry from a plastic bottle?"

"Oh, so that's what baby seahorses were called! How could I forget?" The bastard who threw the bottle out hadn't bothered to close it, and the poor baby was trapped. Hermione had wanted to free the baby with her scythe, but Semeru immediately stopped her. The dagger he used instead hung on the wall.

Semeru sighed. "Seeing that family of seahorses in the coral reef reminded me of my own family. They weren't particularly nurturing."

Hermione raised a confused eyebrow. The entire family had come to hug the baby after it was freed.

Semeru immediately cleared up the confusion. "My family, I mean. I don't know where they were. After I was hatched, I was pretty much on my own."

"What do you mean?" Hermione asked. She didn't like the implications of Semeru's statement but allowed him to explain.

"When I hatched, I didn't have the luxury of a loving family waiting for me. No warm welcomes, no guiding fins. I was alone in that vast ocean, but it toughened me up real quick. I guess you could say the sea was my first teacher."

What the actual fuck? How could Semeru just casually admit something so heartbreaking? No wonder he cried when the seahorse family reunited! Hermione swore to the Goddess that if she ever met Semeru's parents, she would lure them into a glue trap and feed them to an orca. But, she knew she had to mask her anger. If Semeru picked up on it, the shark may never open up to her again.

Thunder rumbled overhead, startling the farmer. Hermione supposed the meteorologist had been right that morning.

Semeru paused, as if considering whether or not to say what was on his mind. "Tell anyone, and I'll deny it, but...." he sighed. "I can sing. Calmed Poseidon down all the time on stormy nights."

Semeru could sing? Hermione definitely didn't see that coming. "Awww, was the poor thing scared?"

Semeru nodded. Come to think of it, Hermione remembered Macy making a throwaway comment at the last beach clean up about her pet lobster Stephen being afraid of storms. Coincidence?

Neither were quite sure how it happened, but they eventually ended up sitting on the floor in a tender embrace, with Semeru gently taking Hermione's backpack off and burying his face into her neck.

"Semeru, are you falling asleep?" Hermione whispered.

Semeru used the last of his strength to nod. Hermione was sure he was trying to remind her not to take his exhaustion personally, but instead, what could only be called "word soup" came out of his mouth.

Hermione hugged the shark tighter and began to rub his back. "Shhh, just relax. Sleep if you need it, sweetheart." Hermione hadn't meant for the same pet name she had given the seahorse fry to slip out, but there was no taking it back now.

As if needing the farmer's permission, Semeru drifted off to sleep, gentle snores filling Hermione's ears.

°°°°

Until it happened to her, Hermione never would have guessed that tails went numb like legs, but here she was. The only movement Hermione allowed herself other than breathing was rubbing the sleeping captain's back, occasionally switching arms once one became exhausted.

Hermione sighed. She knew it would be a pot-meet-kettle situation if she were to call him out for overworking since she was running off of 2 hours of sleep, leftover pizza, and enough caffeine to give an elephant a heart attack, but taking every night patrol offered without rest, on top of training the new recruits? No wonder Semeru had dozed off in her arms.

Thank Goddess she had finally ditched that bulky wetsuit. Not only would she never have to worry about running out of air again, but now she could hold Semeru properly, actually feel his skin. Having a tail was definitely taking some getting used to, though, as happy as her inner 6 year old was when she finally earned it.

Hermione covered Semeru's ears to prevent the knock on his doorframe from waking him up. She greeted Deno with a nod, then explained her situation by pointing downward. The farmer watched Deno visibly relax, then pull his blanket back. Working together, the girls put him to bed.

Hermione muffled her giggles, her anger at Semeru's backstory temporarily forgotten at the sight of a stuffed lobster on his nightstand. She tucked it into Semeru's arms, waved Deno goodbye, then left the barracks.

That afternoon, as an outlet for her rage, Hermione completed her Band of Smiles initiation in an hour, blowing Mark's record out of the water.

#my fanfiction #coral island semeru #coral island farmer #coral island

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femmefatalevibe · 1 year ago

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Hi I have always been super sensitive to people's comments. That is really annoying for me but I don't really know how to deal with those emotions and thoughts because somebody would just make a joke of me (maybe just a funny joke) but that stays in my mind for a long time. I don't want to take what people say personally so, can you please give me how to stop being so sensitive and start treating jokes just as jokes. Hope you have a good day.

Hi love. I'm sorry to hear that people are making jokes at your expense. Please know, though, that learning how to not take others' words personally and expecting others to treat you with respect are not mutually exclusive standards/boundaries to uphold in your interactions and relationships with others.

To not take others' words personally, remember that most people's comments about others are a reflection of how they feel about themselves. Individuals who frequently criticize others or feel the need to put others down for their own pleasure typically are projecting their own self-hatred, negative self-talk, and low self-esteem. Take others' sentiments are a reflection of their self-concept, inner world, thoughts, and experiences – you rarely have anything to do with you.

However, with that being said, you have every right to be upset at someone's "joke" about you and let the person know that their comment upset you. While I don't know the types of remarks people are making towards you and the intention behind these statements, you have every right to share that these comments make you feel upset or uncomfortable. If someone is actively making fun of you or trying to put you down, do not tolerate this disrespect. Stand up for yourself. Call them out.

Please start valuing your needs. While people are still going to do and say these please, you have the right to do the same.

If you're being triggered by very impersonal, benign comments, it's worth exploring why these comments are so triggering to you. Those remarks will come up in life and you just have to understand that it says more about the person making the "joke" than anything about you personally, your appearance, actions, or intentions. Some people will box you into a certain role to self-validate their internal life narrative –nothing you do or say will change their minds, so you just have to understand that this person chooses to have blinders on and has not done the internal work to deeply self-reflect/see outside of themselves.

However, especially if these comments are solely directed at you, once you let others know you're uncomfortable, you have every right to walk away from the situation if your discomfort doesn't make them stop and respect your interpersonal/conversational boundaries.

If you're ever unsure if you're taking a comment too personally, try this gut-check exercise. Ask yourself: If a friend or a loved one told you a similar remark was made to them as you just heard expressed to you, how would you react? Would you be more inclined to tell your friend they're overreacting or be appalled that someone would speak to someone you love in this manner? Let your answer to this question guide you to a more objective and self-loving interpretation/response to these comments.

Hope this helps xx

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recreationalfanfics · 2 years ago

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Hello! Adventurer anon again! :D

I wasn't expecting Reader to have this epiphany that Adventurer is sabotaging Reader's budding relationship nor be aware of his plans to kill, but I did think maybe the whole experience would have triggered a small crack in Reader's perception and idolization(maybe adoration?) of Adventurer. I mean, Reader does realize how much Richard has changed (for the worse) because of Adventurer, but then almost backtracks to appease him?

So, even though Jesse was successful, it would've been nice to see a seed of doubt planted in the back of Reader's mind, not because she suspects him of being a Yandere, but because, 'Richard's an asshole now directly because of you and that lessens my opinion of you, even if it's just a little bit. Maybe Richard spending more time with you isn't a good thing?' (But of course we, actual readers, know the truth lol)

I suppose I was expecting a subtle shift in Reader's perception of Jesse? I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't want things to be too easy for him lol

I didn't intend to make criticisms so please don't take my comments as anything negative because this is just me thinking out loud and reacting to your story. If anything, this proves that the drabble is great, because here I am still churning over Jesse's character and his relationship with Reader during my lunch break lol

But intention is different from reality, and looking back, my words do come off as criticisms so I'm sorry for that!

Thank you for discussing your characters with me and taking time to add to these little worlds you share with us! <3

AAAH, NO BECAUSE THAT IS DEFINETLY AN AFTERMATH THAT HAPPENS (also, I don't mind criticism and I do welcome it! Your words were very helpful so don't apologize!) AND I DO LOVE YOUR THOUGHTS AND DEFINETLY WANT TO EXPAND ON THEM.

Jesse got rid of Richard, yes, but now he's facing himself with a different problem: the fact that he overlooked how your opinion would change of him. Yes, you don't know exactly WHAT happened but Jesse looked just as emotionally distressed as you were and seemed just as upset about you, blaming himself, and even going as far as to cut contact for a bit just so you'd comfort him and tell him that Richard's death wasn't his fault but you do realize that the only reason Richard changed was because of Jesse.

Men sometimes act a certain way because they seek validation from other men but you can't help but think about how Jesse never outright called Richard out on his behavior. Maybe he wanted to approach it gently but if so, that wouldn't make sense considering whenever one of the older staff made a remark Jesse didn't like, Jesse would respond immediately with a sharp and witty response. Yet he never did that when Richard would boast and brag, just staring at Richard from the corner of his eye before giving you a timid smile as if being all: "This guy, am I right?"

Of course Jesse was human but something about him dulls in your eyes. He must've been traumatized especially since he told you how much he tried to prevent Richard from being so reckless but Jesse had told you stories of how he saved people from collapsing temples and cursed objects but he couldn't save one wannabe adventurer? Oh well, maybe you were thinking too much into it.

Still, you don't want history to repeat itself so whenever you make a guy friend or start talking to a guy; you never drop Jesse's name nor do you even think about talking to him about the guy you're seeing. When Jesse wants to make plans with you, you tell him that you can't because you had other affairs, and whenever he tries to coax an answer out of you, you just give him an equally playful response before bidding him goodnight. His smile drops as soon as you leave because he knows something is up.

He's been finding hairs that don't match your length and color on your things, the way you'd shop online for nice outfits or accessories, and when he decides to just covertly go over to your place just to investigate a bit more, he sees you with someone else who kisses you goodnight and drives off.

Jesse'll get rid of them too, just like he got rid of good ol' Richie but his heart is broken that you didn't tell him a damn thing. He wants to ask you about the next morning but bites his tounge, it'd be easier if you thought he didn't know. He also notices the difference in how you treat him, you're not as enchanted by him and he realizes his jokes don't make you laugh as much, just a friendly and amused smile but that's it.

He'll have to be more careful with this one because he hates how that glimmer of adoration has lost it's shine in your eyes.

#oc: Jesse Reeves #yandere x reader #yandere oc x reader #male yandere x reader #male yandere oc #yandere male x reader #yandere imagines #yandere scenarios #yandere headcanons #Adventurer Anon

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once-upon-an-imagine · 1 year ago

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I don't usually do asks, but you know what? I'm breaking the silence for you.

No you're not overreacting, as much as people call this statement dramatic but please, listen to your gut feeling. If he said it in a way that made you uncomfortable, and raised a few red flags you're probably right.

Now I'm not telling you "oh he needs to go, leave the man" which if you want to it's totally up to you, but we want to do some thinking (is it the first time he said something like this? Was his tone suggestive? Is his tone usually suggestive in normal conversation?) In the end you're the one talking to him and you're the one who can judge him better.

Now if it was just a curious question, which is a bit odd but not everyone's the same, he might have just asked and laughed nervously at the question. Yes it is questionable but it mightve been random and you see it that way because it's a sensitive topic for you.

Either way I'm just a stranger on tumblr that heard four sentences from your conversation and doesn't know anything about your relationship to this person so I can't decide for sure what that was but I hope this helps you at least.

Have a nice day ♡♡

hi, love 😊 firstly, thank you for taking the time not only to read my post but to come into my inbox to reassure me, especially when you don't usually send asks! it means a lot!

it was the first time he made a comment like that, more than having a suggestive tone, I thought it was like a stupid attempt to like not take the topic so serious (as much men do in my experience) his tone has never been suggestive before that (or after) I don't think it was a curious question, more like just trying to make a joke

I ended up telling him that his question had made me feel uncomfortable and the fac that he laughed even more. I told him this was a very sensitive topic for me and the only reason why I told him was because I was going to eventually if this went further and that I believed it wasn't his intention to make me feel that way but I didn't want to be one of those people who just changes and stops talking to someone because I liked him and I preferred to put it all out there

tbh just sending that made me feel better. he then replied and apologized, he said he noticed how my tone changed and he knew he had fucked up and he would be more careful and considerate. he said that he uses the laughter message like a crutch and it doesn't necessarily mean he was laughing at the matter (which I had actually noticed, he laughs after every text 😂)

so I told him that it was okay, just that this was a hard topic for me to talk about, especially with men, and that I was already anxious about having to tell him and his answer didn't help

he apologized again and said that I could talk to him when I felt comfortable about it if I did and if I didn't want to he would understand and respect that as well and that he would work harder so I would feel comfortable and safe with him

so, all in all I'm a bit more distant and careful but I thought his apology was sincere and he actually meant it, so we'll see where it goes. I did feel 100 times better just by telling him, I didn't want to keep that to myself because it just felt wrong

so thank you again so much for taking the time to read my post and give me your input! I received so much support and love from a lot of people here and it meant the world even if I had stopped talking to him ❤️❤️

I hope you have a lovely day!

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little-bloodied-angel · 1 year ago

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First of all, the "thick skin" comment was only in regards to stuff like people hating on your ships and I did qualify "from what I've seen". I didn't intend to imply that you're not affected by things and I'm sorry if it came off that way.

And I never argued that people should not be entitled to their opinions and to expressing those opinions wherever they want. I just think using some tags because you don't know what will upset or even trigger someone isn't a stretch, it's being civil; and sometimes people aren't even able to avoid that content until after they've seen it precisely because of the tagging issue. Of course, the person in question should ask politely and not come in with demands, but I think "your feelings aren't my responsibility" applies more to "you were warned about this content so I'm not responsible if you choose to consume it" rather than "I don't care if you're upset and I shouldn't do anything to make a fandom space more comfortable or easy to navigate". Again: if you putting something in a tag on Tumblr only appeared on your blog, I wouldn't even think of having this discussion, because the tag could just be blocked in your blog with no other issue, but politely asking someone to add a word to a tag so they don't have to choose between blocking the whole tag, a whole blog they otherwise enjoy, or being upset or triggered without warning, isn't that much to ask. You can't curate your own experience, particularly in fandom spaces, if nobody cooperates with you. I've seen people argue that if you get triggered you should just not participate in fandom using the "your feelings are not my responsibility" argument, and that's just unfair. Again, people should ask politely, but Tumblr is not a podcast or a YouTube channel where you simply don't click on something that will make you feel like that. If people misuse tags then you see those things with no warning or you have to stay out of the tag entirely. If the intention isn't to provoke, upset or trigger people on purpose then it doesn't cost much to add a word or a tag to avoid exactly those things. Same with fanfic sites: the warnings should be on the tags, or at least tagged as "chose not to tag".

Like I said, if I worded a request like in the previous example, as calmly and politely as possible, and the person I'm asking essentially told me to fuck off because their feelings are not their problem, I don't think I'd be the one in the wrong. I just don't think someone should be sent crying or even having a panic attack to "deal with it themselves" if two extra seconds on someone else's part could avoid it. That's precisely why we tried to make the "anti (x)" and "(x) critical" tags commonplace, so that people could criticize, vent, or even rant or bash to their heart's content without the actual fan tag being flooded with negativity. That's not making someone responsible for your feelings; that's when you were warned, interacted with the content anyway, and then went rant at the person who made it about how dare they make the content in the first place.

I'm really not trying to antagonize you here. You've actually done that exact thing before, with me specifically, most likely because I asked politely. Most recent example: I told you certain wording in a possible Charmine fic came off as classist, which I was sure was not your intention, and maybe it would be better to change it because it was really uncomfortable to read, and you agreed and changed the wording without changing the sentiment. So I assume that if I asked you with the same level of politeness "hey could you please add this tag? You know your blog is one of my favorites, but I just can't stand to see (whatever), it's really upsetting to me", without criticizing you as a person, your opinion, or anything else, you'd do the same. The issue is not asking but demanding, imho, and it's also quite a different thing to ask someone to tag something than to say "you shouldn't be writing that", obviously. Again, the "there's a human being behind the screen" applies to both people. That's all I mean. And it doesn't hurt anybody to try and make online spaces a bit easier/safer to navigate; not by censoring things, I'll be the last to advocate for that, but simply by giving a heads up that that's what you're talking about.

Stuff kids on tumblr better relearn

1. You are responsible for your own media experience.

2. There is such a thing as a healthy level of avoidance towards topics that make you feel unwell or even (in a real-life clinical definition of the term) trigger you - but you are the one to actively take care of what you view.

3. Avoiding does not mean policing others.

4. You have no right to tell artists to censor themselves - you may criticize what others do, you may dislike it, that’s fine - but actively asking for censorship when you could easily unfollow or block a person just makes you look incompetent in your use of the internet.

5. Do not give people on tumblr or /any/ website the responsibility for your emotional well-being. Because these people do not even know you so no, you have no right to ask them to take care of you.

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cidbillie · 2 months ago

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i'm posting this stupid video just for posterity. i didn't make this, but my character, sids, is featured in it. she was my persona and a parody of myself. my real name is cid. i kindly ask that no one ever call me "sids" again.

the read-more is going to be long. i just want to finally put my story out there, even if it doesn't go anywhere.

my friend lionessjenna or nenna / jennabee made it. it was very popular at the time it was made. if you were wondering what happened to lionessjenna, last i heard about her she was making money off of drawing anime cp. sorry to everyone who idolized her at the time. i don't know what she's doing now or if she's changed. i can only say i recommend not looking into her.

we all made fun videos like this with our characters and developed a following. my character sids in particular became a fan favorite and she was usually the butt of the jokes we made. i was 14 when we began making stuff together. 4chan would inevitably find this video and also developed an obsession for sids. they made sids the "queen of /jp/" for a time and drew a bunch of p*rn of her. they drew a bunch of p*rn... of me, essentially. when i was 16. you can still find it, too. the p*rn... i wouldn't mind if that was gone forever. i will not be saving it for posterity. lol

then they doxxed me, made fake accounts pretending to be me, and both of my friends featured in this video would leave me to date those abusers. i never realized at the time how deeply this would hurt me.

and for the record, i don't talk to the third girl, and i won't mention her by name, but i still love her with all my heart. she was a positive force in my life, despite everything. on my old tumblr, i think i still follow her. nenna (this is what people called her at the time) however was 7 years older than the both of us, and put us both in a very dangerous situation with this video. then she went on to draw cp. i'm mentioning her if only to warn people about the dangers about being friends with adults online, and idolizing random people online.

i will say this, though. we were all traumatized kids, and the internet put too much power in our hands. i forgive both of them, and i hope they're both doing well. it's been probably over ten years since i last heard anything regarding nenna, and i'm not friends with anyone anymore who would still be in that friend circle. nenna, i know i aired out your dirty laundry, but i only did so under your old username. i have no intent of finding who you are now and bringing it all to light. i'm only posting this video as a way for me to heal from it and move on. (and ftr if you find anyone under a similar name, that still may not be her. it's been a really long time. please just leave nenna alone. i want to assume she's doing better)

i deleted everything because of this video. i didn't want to be known anymore.

but now i do. i want to be known for me and not just a parody of myself. i'm trying to create again, and i have a story i want to write that i have been working on based on my experiences growing up as a very-micro-celebrity online. i feel like i'm overstating my "success" at the time, but that was kind of what it felt like to me.

but it's hard, you know? revisiting trauma is never easy. but because of this video, i lost my drive to create. i lost so many things i cared about. i lost the ability to be myself. you can probably assume considering i spent my childhood online that i didn't have a great home life either. i won't get into that.

i revisted this video because someone on youtube was kind enough to repost it after all three of us inevitably deleted our accounts, and i've been recounting my trauma in therapy. the comments all ask where weve been off to. most of them only mention jenna, because while i took a step away from the limelight after the doxxing, she continued to make videos after the /jp/ raid and gained a huge following with a bunch of big original youtube animators at the time.

i want to say i was never a perfect person, and when you live your entire childhood on the internet, your mistakes never really go away. i don't think i ever did anything atrocious or evil, but i still had my problems, and i'm sure there are plenty of people that are still out in the world who would be glad to share.

but right now, this is a plea for help, i suppose. a plea for peace. i just want to move on. i've become recently disabled, and i was forced to leave my career because i can't walk. because of this and therapy, i've been trying to make a return to creating. i loved creating. it still makes me happy to see people comment on old videos asking where i am today. i never respond to them, but knowing i haven't been forgotten is what's giving me the strength right now to type all of this.

it's very likely no one will see this post. it's very likely this will be buried in the ocean of posts that make up the entire internet. but right now it feels like deadweight in my lifeboat, and i need to get it out.

"why post this video if you don't want to known for it?" and the answer to that is... i don't know. there are a lot of internet events that happened in my life where someone else got to write the story behind it. i guess i just wanted to write mine. i wanted it out there. i wanted to be known.

#jp #sids #personal #jennabee #trauma #shitposting life

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sophiepatztone · 3 months ago

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Week 4: September 26th

This week I focused on narrowing down my topic. I took my MoMA "poems" and made posters out of them:

I reflected on the Bianca Bosker book talk notes I took last week. Biggest takeaways:

I can feel art's barrier to entry, like walking into a gallery asking myself if i can be there

It’s easy to disregard the process that takes an artist from nothing to finished product. I think that’s where some of the gap exists in culture is that people only see a finished product and not the thoughts, ideas, and intentions behind it.

I agree, artists are treated as “impractical dreamers.” If people look and them and see wasted time, I would urge them to consider their own interests. What kinds of things do narps spend time, money, and energy on that is comparable to art?

She said “Artists create images that introduce incongruities, such as a plate of sushi made with eyes instead of fish. Artists defy our expectations, such as by sticking a pearl-clad woman in wrestling helmet inside a padded room.” That reminded me of a youtube video I watched a few weeks ago about understanding Contemporary art

I read through my notes and the comments on the video and it was really negative it just made me mad 💀 And I questioned if this was really my problem to solve. I still don't even understand some Contemporary art and I think some of it is stupid.

“Criticism is nothing more than having a template and putting it over the new art and seeing what matches up” -Diana Bush

I tried to form a point of view:

The gap in knowledge around Contemporary art is how to educate people who don’t understand it. My research focus is propaganda and aggressive forms of marketing, from the point of view of a marketer.

Why don’t we play into the narrative that contemporary art is unattainable, something that only highly educated people can understand? Make it an inside joke.

And I did a study based on this point of view:

I can't help but wonder if I'm am fighting a losing battle! Who cares if people don't understand art?

I think this is something I can explore through form. Anything I make is going to be considered Contemporary Art just due to the fact that I'm making it now. Do I really want to make Contemporary art about Contemporary Art?

One other thing I observed last week at the MoMA was people taking photos of the art. Not really news to anyone, but why are we spending more time taking pictures of art and us in front of the art instead of looking at it? To prove we've been there? Same vibe as taking a photo of the professor's notes on the board and then never going back to it. Or taking full videos of concerts or fireworks. Who is actually going back and looking at that?

Camera Tourists come in all shapes and sizes. Some of them don’t really care to see the art. They just want pictures to post on social media so they can say, “Look what I got to see today."

According to Psychologist Linda Henkel, there’s a psychological reason why you remember less when you take more pictures — she’s dubbed it the “photo-taking impairment effect”, and even tested it out in her own experiment.

I tried to rework my POV. I am stuck. Give me feedback please.

Appropriation artists. "Pop artists reveled in reproducing, juxtaposing, and repeating everyday images from popular culture in their wide-ranging work."

Our interactions with art in a gallery setting and how social media has changed our interactions with it.

License plate letters that flash when traffic cams try to take a photo of them

This is kinda coming full circle back to the subtopic of commodification. There’s something here that I’m not seeing.

How social media devalues artwork

Does appropriation devalue or give new meaning?

Help.

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gb-patch · 2 years ago

Note

Hi, the 'refund ask' person here. Please don't feel pressured to give an answer, I just want to clarify and apologize for a few things, for whoever is behind this acc, reading and taking their time to give detailed answers :)

First, I am sorry, truly, for coming across as a rude person who would scam a small business, and such valuable creators and artists. It was not my intention. I didn't think of it in the moment, I didn't even think that my question would be answered. (Which obviously changes nothing because you would still read it, and it apparently took me a while to realize, but you are a real person. A personal 'sorry' here.)

Like you said, it definitely was an 'it doesn't hurt to ask' mindset that I wrote the question with. Thank you for assuming I meant well, I really did. But I do see my fault now, so really, really thanks for taking your time to explain it in detail. In retrospect, no matter how 'well' I meant, I was in the wrong. To put it mildly, I was ignorant. It feels stupid to say it, but I guess I needed to hear from someone that I couldn't just give someone money, take what they're offering, and ask for my money back. It wasn't how I viewed my question then, but it definitely is now. Also, they might not see this, but a sincere thank-you to the other people who commented on my ask, for making me see how wrong my words sounded when they weren't just in my head. It was a lesson learned, to say the least.

Also, please understand that I didn't mean to say it wasn't worth $5 for 'just a moment', even though I did say it that way. I see how I could've worded that differently. Each and every moment of the story is super important to me, and believe me, I do think thay they all are worth way more than what you're charging, or mostly, not charging. However, it was silly and greedy to ask you to just give away even more of those beautifully made moments. Of course it is your right to charge for your hard work, and I am actually glad you're doing so.

I know it doesn't change anything, or take back what I previously said (no matter how much I wish it could) but I really wanted to make sure you didn't think there was someone in your audience who would be willing to scam you and even shamelessly ask for permission to see if they could. Again, not the intention at all.

Finally, it is actually so nice to see that a small company like yours has a lot of supporters willing to defend it. My question definitely wasn't a scam attempt, but if it were, I'm so glad to see that it wouldn't succeed or go unnoticed.

I will keep on supporting you, albeit silently for the time being, and playing your games for as long as I can. Our Life is an absolute delight of an experience, it inspired me a bunch, helped me through some tough moments in my own life, and is a game that is far more than just a game to me. I can't wait to see what you put out there next. You guys are some of the best out there in my opinion. Love what you do, love the way you communicate with your audience, and love how you handle crises like this. Hope you all have very nice lives where you can create to your heart's content :)

Sorry for the drama I caused, and sorry again, bc this ask is too long :) Thank you for reading.

It's alright. You don't need to apologize. I'm happy you were sympathetic to where I was coming from and that's all I would want. You didn't upset me or cause me any harm and I absolutely don't want you feel unwelcome over asking a question. It took years to make a game that could make people happy, but in only minutes I can sour the experience for people forever with what I post in these ask answers. I hope to avoid that as much as possible.

Not long before you sent your answer, there was another ask about this that was understanding of your situation.

"Im NOT that anon but I'm kind of sad how many other anons are judging them and seem to be a bit eurocentric? not everyone who plays these games have the same currency or similar currency conversiom rate as someone whos family is from venezuela, $5 is barely enough to buy flour, rice, and fish so what may seem like pocket change to you might be all someone else could live on. scummy would be to do so without ask. just disappointed bc i thought this community was more open-minded"

I agree that money is a difficult thing to get and people can't be blamed for not being able, or simply not wanting, to use it on visual novel content. Though, it is also a sore spot for artists who are very familiar with people who flat out devalue their time/effort and think there's no reason to pay for it. It can be hard to always take the question of 'can I get your hard work for free?' with no frustration. But that wasn't the intention of the original question.

If it the question had gotten a different type of response people wouldn't have felt the need to come to my defense over it. At the end of the day, I'm the one who could've avoided this and answered the question in a way that left the asker and the other readers satisfied/informed. It went too far this time.

It's always hard to know how to manage these situations. When a question comes along about a touchy topic but I think it's important to answer, I try to make it definitive and also to make clear that this doesn't open the gates for future asks about this. If I don't, then inevitably more asks come in and I either have to keep addressing/arguing a topic or ignoring them without explanation. It can make a development blog about posting previews a pretty unpleasant place. But if I use one ask to make an overall statement, it can come across unnecessarily strong against the single question the asker sent in.

To the OP, I'm sorry for making you feel like what you did was a huge mistake. It really wasn't. It was a just question over a policy that was intended as neutral and ended up with extra meaning put on it because of outside circumstances/other people's prior and potential actions. I hope you're able to feel reassured after all of this.

And the last thing I'll say is that future asks commentating about the situation won't be posted.

Thank you again for playing!

#ask #gb patch games #gb patch

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wheeler-beretta-harwood · 3 years ago

Text

Meant to be (Cash Wheeler x Reader)

Chapter Three

"Well?" Dax asked Cash as soon as he opened the door to the locker room.

Dax wouldn't admit it, but he was beyond excited that Cash was back on the dating scene - at least that's what he thought it was. He was still surprised at his tag team partner's choice though. However, the more he had thought about it, the more it seemed logical: Throughout the years, Cash seemed to be only attracted to one type and one type only. The bad thing was, they were either in it for his money and fame, or the moment Cash truly opened up to them, they left. And truth be told, Cash wasn't easy to love. He was very guarded and rarely let his walls come down. It took him years of working together until he finally shared his story and let him in on his thoughts. You, however, seemed different, not just by looks, also by the way you carried yourself. Never had he seen you trying to get anything going with any of your richer, more famous co-workers. You didn't fawn over every guy that crossed your way. On the contrary, you seemed to not want any business with any of the guys.

"Well what?" Cash tried to keep it down, but there was a small, almost serene smile gracing his lips.

"How'd it go? You seem to be....satisfied."

"It went.....it was good. She's nice."

"Good? Nice? Don't try to play it cool now, man. Your face is telling a different story." Dax got up and walked to the other man to pat him on the shoulder. "Look, I am glad you're back in the saddle. Especially after what happened last time...." he trailed off and immediately regretted the fact that he brought his ex up. He saw the smile leaving Cash's features to be replaced by a frown. It still hurt him, he could tell.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to....You know, Y/N is different. I can tell. When are you going to see her again?" He smiled a little, trying to lighten up the mood that he had so harshly ruined himself.

"Friday."

"Good. Now let's go to Best Friends and talk over our match. Maybe you wanna impress Y/N tonight." With these words, Dax opened the door, waiting for Cash to come along with him.

"Yup, I feel like I need to hit a good Uppercut tonight." With these words, Cash's facial expressions changed again, turning the frown into a smile.

He definitely wanted to impress you.

-----------------------------------

Friday couldn't arrive fast enough for your liking. You were so busy on Wednesday evening that you didn't get the chance to meet Cash after his match. But you were beaming. Of course, you had watched FTR vs Best Friends. How could you not. And when Cash was outside the ring, hitting Chuck Taylor with a massive European Uppercut and winking at the camera, your smile grew even bigger. Emma, who stood next to you, noticed it too.

"You like when he does that, huh? But then, you like anything he does in the ring. Even the mean stuff."

You chuckled a little at Emma's comment and simply nodded your head. She had no idea what was going on, that the 'mean stuff' they were doing in the ring was part of being a heel. She simply didn't care for wrestling the way you did. She worked there for the money and because she would travel across the country.

When you made your way to the cafeteria to meet with Cash on Friday, you noticed Dax lingering in front of the entrance, leaning against the wall. When he saw you approach, he stood up straight and cleared his throat.

"Hi Dax. Have you been waiting for me? Do you need anything?"

"Hey Y/N. In fact, yes I need to talk to you for a second." The tone in his voice made it clear that this wasn't going to be a sweet little talk among friends.

You patiently waited for him to start talking again as he seemed to find the right words.

"Cash is...I think he likes you. But he hasn't made the best experiences so far. I guess what I'm trying to say is: don't lead him on. I don't know what your intentions are but please be honest with him. He deserves that." Dax knew that it was in fact him who had put the doubt back in Cash's head, and just after the first date, so naturally he felt bad, but also overprotective of his best friend. Plus, he knew he was being an ass to you right now because he honestly thought you were different from Cash's ex, but he needed to be sure.

A small 'okay' was all that left your lips, your excitement for the meet-up having abruptly faded. Did these two really think you had bad intentions with Cash? What were they talking and thinking about you? You didn't even initiate this whole thing, and now you're the manipulative one? You felt yourself grow angry, no, it wasn't anger. You were hurt. If you were alone right now, you'd turn on your heels and leave Cash waiting. But Dax was here, watching you intently. You HAD to go in there.

When you saw him sitting at his usual table at the Daily's Place cafeteria, your heart was torn. He had two cups of coffee in front of him, which you found adorable. But Dax's words just kept ringing in your ears. Over and over.

"Hey, how have you been?"

"Hey Cash, great, I've been just great." Sarcasm dripping from your voice as you replied.

Cash noticed, but couldn't make anything out of it. Maybe you just had a bad day. It happens.

"I got you a coffee. Didn't know if you wanted sugar or not, so there's two sugars in there...?" He smiled, growing nervous

"Thanks, but I don't put sugar in my coffee." You knew you were being a bitch to him, but you couldn't help it. You were regretting to let this whole book club thing get started in the first place. You should have just said no and continued with your normal, lonely life. It wasn't half bad. At least better than internally fuming with a man you were crushing on after just one date. And it wasn't even a real date.

"Oh, sorry, I'll get you another one." It took you a moment to realize what he was talking about and as he got up you quickly answered.

"No, no need to. Listen. I have a lot to do today and I haven't been feeling so good. I don't want to waste our time right now when I'm not fully paying attention. Sorry." You said as you got up yourself.

"Oh, okay. Maybe then on the next Dynamite?" Cash was visibly disappointed on how this went down, but he didn't want to push you to talk about what was wrong. You didn't know each other that well. Yet.

"Yeah, maybe another time." You vaguely replied as you started to walk away.

"Hey, did you see the Uppercut on Wednesday?" Cash started again, not wanting you to leave so soon. When you turned around, you couldn't help but notice the hopeful look in his eyes.

"I did. It was beautiful. Well executed, Mr. Wheeler." Although you were sad, you smiled at him while answering. His smile was matching yours, genuine and hurt at the same time.

As you left the cafeteria, you were deep in thought.

He couldn't possibly think you were such a bitch and then do all those cute little things for you, could he? What had happened to the man that he was this doubtful of you? And why were you pissed off that he could have doubts about you when in fact, you doubted him and his intentions all the time?

---------------------------------

For the next few weeks, you successfully dodged any kind of meeting with Cash. At first, you needed time to think about the whole situation. So you skipped eating in the cafeteria in fear of an unplanned run-in with any of the two members of FTR. Luck was on your side too: you had no professional work encounters with the men.

Later, when you realized Cash and Dax stopped looking for you, you mentally closed the folder of potential romance with Cash Wheeler and started minding your own business again. For some odd reason though, you didn't enjoy reading on your own all that much any more. Guess they ruined that for you, at least for some time.

As you were running some errands for Tony Khan's assistant, you walked into Emma.

"Yo, I ran into our supervisor and she said she needed you in room 154 in ten minutes. Something about a quick meeting you should prepare the room for."

That sounded weird to you. "I am actually working on TK's staff right now, so...why didn't she tell me over headset?"

"How would I know? She just stated that she needed you there. So I guess you better go." Emma just shrugged and left you there.

It's better to check on it quick than get into trouble so you made your way to said room. When you reached it, the door wasn't fully closed. You heard male voices, obviously not your supervisor, but entered anyway, only to come face to face with Dax Harwood.

"Hey Y/N." You were about to turn around and run for your life when you noticed Cash sitting on the table slowly turning his gaze from his phone to you. Not your face, just your general direction.

Dax noticed your intentions as well, so he lightly gripped your wrist. He wouldn't let you run away this time.

"So,I fucked up. Okay? I brought up stuff that I shouldn't have, I said things I shouldn't have, and I fucked it up for you two. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you, Cash, and I didn't mean to insult you, Y/N. I just....I care about this man." He said to you while pointing to Cash. "I have seen some bad shit happening to him, and I want to protect him. He's like my little brother. I do understand that I have crossed a line with the both of you and I am sorry. You two were just starting to have something nice and I immediately ruined that. I am sorry." Dax was now looking at Cash. "Just don't let my grumpy old ass fuck that up for you. I know you are two grown adults, you don't need someone to run your romantic life by. I just want you both to be happy. Again, I am sorry. I won't mess it up for you again." The room was then filled with a silence that was almost unbearable. You could cut the tension with a knife.

"You better not." Cash was the first one to speak, and you appreciated it. You, on the other hand, were unable to find the right words.

Dax simply nodded and left the room, making sure to close the door behind him, so none of you would leave right away.

The both of you looked at each other for a while, no word spoken. When you felt his gaze on you too much, you decided to walk over to the table and sit next to him. Meanwhile, Cash felt nervous now that you were so close to him, so he started fumbling with his hands.

This time, you were the one to say something. "Do you really think that of me?"

For some moments, Cash remained silent as he wasn't so sure what you meant. When it dawned on him, his eyes grew big. "That you meet up with me for fame and money? Hell no." His answer made you chuckle, but when you turned to face him, you could see the serious expression on his features still prominent.

"Why didn't you tell me what was wrong? What Dax had said to you? First, I was worried when you said you weren't feeling well, and then, when you avoided me like the plague, I was...." He trailed off, not daring to say it out loud.

"You were what, Cash? Hurt? So was I. I thought we had a good time, and then out of the blue, Dax comes and tells me you guys are second guessing me. Right away."

"I've never thought anything bad about you." He stared blankly across the room, basically anywhere but your direction.

You smiled at his comment, it felt good to hear it.

"That's good to know, Cash." You nudged his shoulder with yours, earning a smile from the man next to you.

"And I am sorry for leaving you in the cafeteria back then. I shouldn't have. I didn't know how to react. Maybe you can tell, but I'm not good with people. Social interactions are hard. But I'll try to change that. So next time anything happens, I will tell you. Okay?"

His head turned slowly while taking in every word you just said.

"Next time?"

"Yeah, if you're still up for it, I mean. If you don't want to, it's fine too. It's just...reading isn't as much fun without you."

This time it was his turn to nudge your shoulder. "So.....Wednesday, cafeteria?"

"Wednesday, cafeteria." You repeated his words while hopping off the table, making your way to the door. He quickly followed behind you and you two made your way while talking about wrestling.

Down the hallway, in the opposite direction, Emma was raising her hand for a high-five with Dax. He didn't make a move. "Come on, you know you wanna do it, Dax!" He shook his head and left Emma hanging.

He was just relieved he didn't completely mess this up.

Chapter Four

#aew #cash wheeler #aew imagine #all elite wrestling imagine #cash wheeler x reader #cash wheeler imagine #dax harwood #ftr #dash wilder

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hypermania · 3 years ago

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Thoughts on people saying Misha experienced homophobia on the set of Supernatural even though he's straight?

i wasn't going to answer this because i'm pretty sure it's just bait but fuck it.

first:

i think that you should take someone at their word when they tell you how they identify, no matter what. i think if someone says they're straight, even if they're only saying it because they happen to be in the closet, it's still your job to take it as truth. you don't know someone better than they know themselves and you don't know why someone is identifying the way they are. it's not your job—or your right—to second-guess them.

i think that how someone currently identifies has no bearing on how they used to identify or how they will identify in the future. things can change and that doesn't make someone a liar. i also don't think that a person's sexual history is demonstrative of their sexual orientation or gender identity.

so, with all that in mind:

misha collins has said publicly and with intent at least twice now that he is a heterosexual man. so i'm going to believe him. but courtney! he also said he was bisexual. you're absolutely right, he did say that, and while him saying that was meant to be a joke (and it was, whether or not he actually identified as bisexual at the time, the comment was a joke) i took him at his word when it happened. he has since retracted it and i'm taking him at his word for that too. i'm not going to try to interpret any "signaling" or "flagging" or "clues" i think i've decoded as another queer person. (and somewhat relatedly: he put on a dress like two times. stop saying he's gender-nonconforming just because he isn't crushing beer bottles against his forehead.). point is: i'm choosing to believe he's a straight man because that's what he has said he is.

and straight people don't experience homophobia. i think the term people have been forgetting in this discussion is "toxic masculinity." misha collins, and honestly probably every single other person who's ever stepped foot on that set, was a victim of toxic masculinity.

but here's the thing about that: i think a large part of this fandom wants to paint misha as a victim of something, anything really, so badly because if he's not the victim, it must mean he's the perpetrator and that he's a horrible no-good evil piece of shit and everything he ever did was a lie.

but that's not how the real world works. misha did a lot of good. he fought for queer rep on the show and he raised a lot of money for the community and he made a lot of people feel loved and accepted. those things are all still true. they don't just go away because he doesn't identify as queer himself. but that doesn't mean that he has never been part of the problem. he has made homophobic (and misogynistic) jokes. he has! he just has. (and side note: i would really love it if people could stop painting him as a victim of the all the other evil men involved with supernatural. misha is a rich white dude. if he didn't want to keep going back, he didn't have to. he chose to continue to be a part of that set and he is still choosing to carry on personal relationships with a lot of those people. stop infantilizing him and acting like he's just a poor widdle baby getting bullied. he's a grown man and he makes his own choices.)

anyway, my point is that it's not all-or-nothing. he did good and he did bad and those are not mutually exclusive and they don't cancel each other out.

there are people who are feeling hurt and/or upset and that's valid. they thought he was "safe" and it turns out he was making a joke out of their sexuality, and even if it wasn't malicious, even if it was meant to be inclusive, it was still a joke and sometimes that hits a little too close to home.

but the people who are saying he's either total homophobic scum OR just a poor little victim uwu that got bullied by the real homophobes—i'm sorry but please grow up.

i think as of march we had 16 states pushing "don't say gay" bills and there are currently 35 states with at least one anti-trans bill being pushed. misha collins is just a flawed human trying to do good, who happens to have fucked up. the memes were entertaining but we have got way more important things to worry about right now.

#replies #Anonymous #misha collins for ts #spn for ts #mp

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redtail-lol · 2 years ago

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I was gonna just comment but I need to not have a character limit

Largely, I agree, but it's not gaslighting. Don't call it gaslighting. Gaslighting as a word has been so fucking diluted to being meaningless and it needs to stop. We can let labels be more open but actual terms for abuse should never be watered down, because it actually does harm victims of gaslighting for not being taken as seriously as they need to be when they appropriately name their abuse.

Gaslighting is not telling someone they are wrong, that's accusing someone of being incorrect. Gaslighting is not accusing someone of lying, that's calling someone a liar. Gaslighting is not telling a lie, that's lying. Gaslighting is not assuming you know better than someone about their experience or that you can dictate their labels, that's being pretentious. Gaslighting cannot ever be done just once. Gaslighting cannot ever be done unintentionally. You can't gaslight someone by saying something you truly believe.

Gaslighting is a repeated pattern of a specific type of abuse. It is one of the most severe forms of psychological abuse and manipulation, in fact. In the briefest terms, gaslighting is driving a person insane by convincing them they've gonw insane. Less briefly, gaslighting is when you make someone question their own perception of reality and convince them they've gone insane. It involves repeatedly, intentionally altering someone's environment and denying anything changed, or doing nothing and being adamant things are different, when you know nothing changed. It involves repeatedly claiming something didn't happen when you know it did, or something did happen that you know didn't. It causes people to go insane because they don't trust their own senses, they can't believe their own eyes or ears, and they believe something is wrong with their own perception of the world. Gaslighting makes a person dependent on the abuser because the gaslighter is their window into the real world. Without them, how would they ever know what is real and what isn't?

Gaslighting is intentional and repeated. It is done to make someone not trust their perception of reality so they rely on you, won't recognize other abuse, and can't argue with you because they can't trust their own account of what happened. You can get away with blatant lies by gaslighting someone.

Gaslighting gets its name from an experiment. A person was kept in a room with gas lights. Initially, they were dim, and they were subtly turned up every so often. When another outsider came in the room, who was in on the experiment, the person kept in the room would ask if the lights looked brighter. The other person would say no. Even when the lights were turned all the way up, the person would deny it. I don't know if that's exactly how the experiment went but it was something similar at the very least. It drove them insane. Not as in the colloquial use of insane, like actually genuinely insane. They could not trust their perception of the world because they'd been convinced they'd gone crazy and were seeing things no one else could.

Someone telling you you can't be an mspec lesbian or a lesboy because xyz sucks. They suck. They're pretentious assholes. They are not gaslighting you.

I'm not necessarily mad at you. You probably didn't know any of this. I'm just mad at how the term has been muddied and diluted to nothingness because misuse got more popular. Please remove gaslighting from your vocabulary until you're going to use it for its real meaning and not this one. That goes for everyone reading this. Don't misuse gaslighting for anything you don't like. Don't even misuse it as slang for manipulation. It is not just manipulation. It is one of the single most severe forms of manipulation. "I was gaslit for years" no longer carries the weight it should, and that stops real victims from being treated as seriously as they should when they come forward about being genuinely gaslit.

Full offense, and sorry not sorry, but if a person tells you that they have an experience, and then they give you a name for their experience uh that’s all you fucking need*. Just call it what they named it.

You aren’t saving anyone or anything by trying to pick apart and redefine, or outright deny the existence of the name- you think you know something better about, for not your experience to begin with. In fact, that’s called gaslighting. You are gaslighting a random person based on your own ignorance. And yes, it is ignorant, because you didn’t fucking learn a damn thing about an experience- that again isn’t yours, if you didn’t fucking listen to the person who initially described it. Cut that toxic shit out!!

*Yes, I still do mean within safety/good faith reason.

#tw gaslighting #gaslighting #gaslightingawareness #gaslighting cw #gaslight #gaslighting is not a synonym for anything you dislike #gaslighting is abuse

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jonnnysuh · 3 years ago

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Never Not - Park Jinyoung

Pairing: idol!Jinyoung x gender neutral reader

Summary: Your bad day is turned around when your childhood best friend, Jinyoung, returns to your hometown and takes you on a tour of your favourite memories together.

Genre: angst, fluff, friends to lovers

Warnings: suggested sexual experience

Word Count: 4.3k

Requested by: Anon

A/N: Hi guysssss. I took a small break from tumblr bc I got super busy with work. I haven’t written something like this in a while, but I actually loved how it turned out. I recommend listening to Never Not by Lauv to get into the mood <33

Effort was hard to make these days. Even the way you walked had an unmistakable slouch. Your exhaustive strides were just a shallow reminder that there used to be a hop in your step. Five more minutes and you were free from the shackles of work. Free to figure out what to make for dinner, and appease the gurgles of your stomach.The seconds on the point of sale system didn't seem to move fast enough as you folded the customer's final item and shoved it into a bag.

When you were a kid, no one told you how exhausting being an adult was, and thus it became something to look forward to. You were so caught up on getting that first kiss, sneaking out to go to parties, seeing people that your parents didn't approve of, that you didn't realize that life didn't slow down from there. It was like you blinked, and you were no longer 16. Instead, you were twenty-something perpetually feeling like life was just an endless pit of "what ifs" and building up the courage to make something of yourself. Another mindless "Have a good day." escaped your lips as you bid a customer bye for the nth time that day. You wondered how many of your years would waste away telling others to have a good day, when you yourself hadn't had one in a while.

You pressed your fingers against your temple to sooth a small growing headache. Working in retail for as long as you had, you knew that the s-curved line of people didn't stop for your discomfort. With a fake smile on your face, you welcomed the next few customers as your eyes wandered around the store looking for the person who was going to take over for the next hour. Fifteen minutes past the hour, your replacement finally came. Externally, you wanted to scream and ask them what took you so long? but you knew that would only make you as good as the worst customer. Graciously, you nodded at them, before walking away to the back room to fetch your things and head out.

...

You stood against the wall at the bus shelter shivering from the cool summer breeze that was disguising just how rapidly autumn was truly coming. Today probably wasn't the best day to forget your coat. You rubbed your arms for warmth, taking micro footsteps in place. The pain in your feet made you romanticize the comfort of the sturdy old bus seats as a place of rest. You felt your phone in your pocket vibrate, but you let it ring out. You were determined to get a seat on this bus. A deep sigh escaped you as you surveyed the density of the crowd on the platform- the ride home was definitely going to be longer than usual. When the bus arrived, you queued behind a long line of people. Your phone rang a second time, at this point the crowd was getting larger and you knew you weren't going to get a seat on this bus.

PRIVATE CALLER

"Hello?" you pressed your phone to your ear. Sometimes your mother used phone booths to reach you, so you expected her voice to be on the other end of the line. "I'm offended I had to call you twice for you to pick up." The voice was much deeper, and the delivery much more lighthearted than anything that would've came out of your mother. The absence of a greeting was distinct and direct, but no matter, you knew exactly who this was.

You felt the tenseness of your shoulders drop with just the sound of this voice. "If I had definitely known it was you, I wouldn't have picked up, Mr. Private caller." you jest with the phone pressed between your ear and the crook of your shoulder.

"You know, I was gonna suggest that I pick you up, but just for that comment, I change my mind."

You poke your tongue at your cheek, coyly. For all the changes that occurred in your life, for some reason you could depend on Jinyoung's quick wit and humour to hit the spot even after all this time.

"That's fine, I just finished work so I was thinking of just going home anyways." You had no idea he was even back in South Korea. Last you heard, he was on tour somewhere in North America. More than that, you couldn't even remember when the last time you actually talked was. You were curious about what he was up to these days, but you you knew any hint of urgency in your voice would lead to incessant teasing on his part. The line progressed slightly, but you still didn't feel any closer to the entrance of the bus.

"I'm about to get on a bus home."

"Well, don't get on."

"If I don't get on then you're gonna have to repay me for the fare I paid to even get here." You eyed the bus reaching its capacity, and stepped aside. You twisted your fingers in hope that he was being 100% serious, otherwise you were going to have to wait out for the 6:30pm bus.

"I can't believe the cost of your attention is only $2. Do better." the voice quipped.

"Okay, Jinyoung I guess I'll just get on, then." you threatened, although you had no intention of boarding the departing bus.

"Fine, fine. I'll pay for your fare. Just wait for me."

...

The sky had darkened tenfold since you hung up from Jinyoung's impromptu call. The streetlights glowed gold against the lavender backdrop of the sky. You sat on the bus shelter bench, swinging your feet back and forth as you waited for him. If he took even a minute longer, you vowed to somehow become the president of the Park Jinyoung hate club. Of course, you wouldn't actually, but the idea became more appealing the longer you waited.

You weren't one to go on spontaneous outings- at least not since your teenage years. Recently, you followed the strict routine of work, home, sleep, and to stray from it seemed pointless. But the fact that he even thought of you when he came back home to South Korea was still not something you could wrap your head around.

In the distance, a glow of headlights appeared, stopping perfectly adjacent to your bus stop. The window rolled down, and there appeared Jinyoung's face in all its glory. To say all the words in your vocabulary disappeared would be an understatement. A part of you doubted he would even follow through. Without missing a beat, he returned a look to you. "You just gonna stare at me, or are you gonna get in the car?"

...

Your backpack was sitting atop your lap, bouncing with the movement of the car. Jinyoung hung one hand over the steering wheel. The orange and purple of the sky twisting, and creating a brand new colour that only seemed to grace the skies at this hour. The music was unidentifiable, but the volume was low enough that you didn't even bother trying to figure it out.

"So what'd you do today?" he asked.

"I worked, I told you that." you replied, matter-of-factly.

"And how was it?"

"I honestly can't tell the difference between this week and last week. Or even last month. Same old, same old. Annoying customers, stale lunch, forgot my jacket at home even though it's 15 fucking degrees outside."

"Do you still work at that clothing store you started at when we were 20?"

Your eyes shifted, following the ever-changing scenery of the highway. No idea where he was bringing you, and yet you were brought to comfort by Jinyoung's habits. You knew he didn't have a drug deal, or a random party planned. Jinyoung was always the type to be home before midnight. He was a self-proclaimed goody-two-shoes, but you weren't completely fooled. You knew he could bend the rules if it seemed to serve him.

"That exact same one."

"Anything else?"

You looked at him, the shock settling in that he was really right next to you-- no longer just a figure on a billboard that you used to know. The changes of his physicality were subtle; his face was more defined, but his cheeks still carried the baby fat that had been there since childhood. The shadow of his facial hair loomed on his smooth skin. The mole on the top of his lip, not necessarily gone, but faded. He looked older, but the aura of his presence remained the same.

"And then I was dumb enough to get into a car with a stranger because he said he'd give me $2."

Jinyoung side eyed you, causing you to erupt in laughter. His glare was also unchanging. "Stranger? Your memory's fading already?" He shook his head disappointedly. "I thought you still had a few good years left."

"Oh yeahhhhhh. Sorry Jinyoungie. Didn't recognize you with all the fame." you pinched and pulled on his ear- both things a relic of your grade school years. When you were kids, you never let him forget the age gap. Granted, it was only 3 days, but that gave you the freedom to refer to him however you pleased, while he was stuck with the honorifics.

As you let go, the curve of his ear flushed red. "OWW.” he cried, swatting your hand away. “You’re lucky I’m driving otherwise I would pull your hair.”

Being raised with Jinyoung meant that you were inseparable but kind of in the worst way. If Jinyoung got a good mark on a test, his parents would immediately flaunt it to yours. If you wanted to sneak out, he was on your tail telling you to go back home. And if he knew you liked someone, then that person would know soon enough by the words of Jinyoung. All of that warranted ear pulling, and if you did something in retaliation he would pull your hair.

He was one of the few people in your life, who encapsulated a certain time of your life. The time in your life when you were young, and the world felt so big and everything was possible.

The car rocked back and forth as it shifted into the elevated ramp of a parking lot. Your eyes widened as you realized where you were. He lingered in his seat before popping his seatbelt off and exiting the car. You followed him, swinging the passenger door open.

"So you randomly called me because you wanted to hang out at the...convenience store?" you gestured to the old, orangey building. The bricks were chipped, and the fluorescent lights illuminated the outside through the big glass window. You remember the days when you and Jinyoung would sit on the parking blocks and split a bag of chips until you were chased off the property by the owner. He pulled on the store door, pressing his back to it and letting you enter first.

"Well, I wasn't going to come here until you started yanking my ears. That's when I knew you were hungry."

Without stopping, you weaved through the store until you reached aisle 3- the snack aisle had become a home to you and Jinyoung when you were growing up. In grade school, you were both fearful of what was beyond the boundaries of your home and school so you indulged in after school snacks at the convenience to talk about the latest happenings in your life. As you aged, it became the place of solace after exams, or the meetup location for last minute plans.

He picked up a package of gummy worms, and shook them in your face. "Do you remember what happened the last time we ate theseeee?" Jinyoung smirked. For a moment, you were taken aback by how much he had grown. In your teens, you and Jinyoung met eye to eye. Now, you felt like you had to look up at him in order to be taken seriously.

You crossed your arms, "Yeah, we ate them in the parking lot and you made me confess who I had a crush on."

"Chan, right?"

You nodded, with a sulk as you reminisced. "That wasn't fair."

"Why? Do you still have a crush on him?"

"I haven't thought about him in so long. You really think I'd have a lingering crush on a guy I haven't seen in years?"

Jinyoung shrugged, and shifted his feet. "You had a huge crush on him, though. You even stared at him like this." He rested his palm to his cheek, letting out a deep sigh while trying to maintain an enamoured expression. You snorted, hitting him on the chest. "You'd write his name all over your notebooks AND you bullied me into giving you one of my new ones." he added.

You let out a belly laugh. "And then I wrote his name all over that one too."

Jinyoung rolled his eyes. "They were premium quality notebooks. My aunt sent me them from the states!"

"You had a kabillion of them. Besides, you pestered me for-like-ever to know who I liked, but you never even told me who you had a crush on." You grabbed the bag of gummy worms from his hand and placed it in your shopping basket. Your attention shifted, as you realized you should be in search of your favourite chocolates. You knew that you were far too old to be eating junk food for dinner, but there was something familiar about being hyped up on food that you knew would rot your insides. Your eyes landed on the top row of the wall, and before you could grab your favourite chocolates, Jinyoung stripped it from the wall and dropped it into the basket. He piled on a bag of sour cream and onion chips, and then you both ventured to the drink refrigerators.

Both of you stared deeply at your drink options. On each level of the fridge, stood several different colourful drinks. If you knew Jinyoung, then you knew he would pick a Coke- it was something he swore by in your younger years. You hummed, mentally deciding between an iced tea or a vitamin water. You weren't sure why it bothered you when Jinyoung picked up a Sprite, but you tried to hide your dismay. With an ice tea in hand, and a basket full of both of your favourite things, you made your way to the cashier.

At the last moment, Jinyoung placed a bright yellow umbrella on the checkout counter. He looked down at you, surely, “You never know when it’s gonna rain.”

...

The following car ride to your next destination only lasted about 3 minutes before he parked on the side of the road and dragged you down the street, with the plastic bag full of your foods in hand.

"I should've known you were going to bring me here." you said, strolling down the familiar gravel pathway towards your elementary school. All colour in the sky had disappeared now, finding it hard to see anything but the outline of each other and some features.

Both of you settled on the grass field, onlooking the tall school building that was the foundation of your formal years. As soon as you opened the bag of chips, you found yourselves deep in conversation, talking about what life had been for him the last few years. You couldn't help but be in awe when he explained the rush he got when he got on stage, and how he got anxiety when he thought he wasn’t doing his best. The candidacy of his thoughts drew you in and you were surprised that he trusted you with his secrets.

All these years, you had always wondered what he was up to, if he was living a life far better than the one he left at home. To everyone else, he was this huge pop star that had travelled the world 3 times over, but to you, he was your best friend who left home at 16. You had seen him through the bad hair phases, the adolescent temper tantrums, the voice cracks, and the questionable fashion choices both your parents had put you in.

He leaned back on his arms as he gazed at the school. "Are you afraid of change?" You were silent for a moment as you thought. "On a scale of 1-10?" you rocked your head back and forth. "It's a 15."

Jinyoung raised his eyebrows. You held your legs to your chest, and looked at him. "Why?"

He opened his mouth, but quickly closed it and looked smugly in the other direction. "Heyyy." you poked him repeatedly. "You can't just ask me that and not tell me why."

He enclosed his hand around your finger, forcing your poking to come to a halt. It felt like he was studying your face. Never in your life had you ever felt like you were under the scope of Jinyoung's gaze. The darkness of the sky acted as a mask, hiding your blushing face.

"It was the last thing I asked you before I left." he admitted. "I asked you that when things were about to change big time for us… I always wondered if you resented me for leaving you behind."

The last day before Jinyoung left to become a full-time trainee, you two snuck on to this very same field. Both of you ran across the grass, picking up dandelions; believing that if you gathered enough and blew on them, that they would fuel your wishes.

“You thought I could resent you?” He nodded. “Well, for starters, I hate your guts.” You replied sarcastically, causing him to look at the ground with embarrassment and your face softened at the sight of it.

“You know what I wished for on all of those dandelions, Jinyoung?”

“Not to fail the math exam.” Even in a soft moment, he couldn’t help but be sly. “No!” You exclaimed.

“Well, you should’ve. You got a 48.” He sensed your killer look on him. “So what’d you wish for?”

You played with your fingers. You thought you’d take this secret to the grave. “I wished that you’d be successful in whatever you chose to do.” His eyes enlarged, alarmed at your confession. “but maybe I should’ve wished for the math thing.”

Jinyoung giggled, inching closer to you so your legs were pressed against each other.

“What did you wish for?” You asked. He smiled with the side of his mouth, shaking his head.

“I wished that I’d always find my way back home.” “Oh goddd.” You gagged. “you’re so corny.”

“What about you, huh? You used your wish on me!” he bellowed, his voice echoing against the school playground.

“Hey, I might just be the reason why you’re famous.” You fought back.

You flipped your phone over, 7:53, the brightness of it only barely illuminating the dark. You thought about what you would be doing at this moment if you weren’t here, if he hadn’t picked you up. Mmm probably falling asleep to a tv show. Probably dreading tomorrow. Probably not as happy.

"But what did I say? You know… the first time you asked me that question?” You couldn’t even begin to imagine how 16-year-old you answered.

"You said you were excited to see who we were going to become.” The words of your younger self were so hopeful, yet your current self felt hopeless. Your expression sank, and Jinyoung offered a small smile to revive it. He felt guilty having asked you the question in the first place.

You sat in silence for a bit, dwelling on the excitement for life that you once had. Where was it? And how could you get it back?

“I feel like I’ve let myself down. I don’t even know who I am now.”

Jinyoung blinked slowly, watching his childhood best friend crumble. He rested a hand on your shoulder. "I just look at you, and in so many ways you're the same. I still know what makes you laugh, and the way you say things. I can still pick out your favourite snacks, and know you’re gonna pull my ears when I do something to piss you off.” he yanked on yours softly. "Everything about you feels just how I left you. I feel my youth when I'm with you. But at the same time I’m comforted by how much you’ve changed.”

“I don’t think I’ve changed much.”

“You don’t see it, do you?” You shook your head no. “Do you remember how scared you were to even leave the house when we were kids? Now you live on your own. You never took anything seriously back then, but you’re now one of the hardest working people I know…” his voice softened. “And you let yourself be vulnerable with me when it used to take hours to drag it out of you.” You laid on his shoulder, and he rested his head on top of yours, snuggling closer. “You fear change, yet you’re changing right before your own eyes. And maybe one day, I’ll come back here, and I won’t even be able to recognize who you’ve become.” You sniffled, the idea of Jinyoung not remembering you broke your heart. You held your chest. “But if that day does come, it’ll be okay. Because I know that the person that you’ve become will have it all figured out. I’ll always be rooting for every single version of yourself even if it doesn’t include me.” You sobbed quietly, interlocking your fingers with his. He held your hand tightly, rubbing his thumb against the back of your hand. For once, there was an action not done out of habit or relic. It was an action evoked just for this moment, and it was a change that you didn’t mind.

…

Jinyoung held your hand, leading you down a narrow road a few minutes away. The sound of crickets, barking dogs, and distant vehicles could be heard as you stood in the middle of the road of your childhood neighbourhood.

You hadn’t been here since you moved in 2016. You looked up at the large modern house that sat on what used to be two lots. Yours and Jinyoung’s childhood homes were purchased by a wealthy business man and demolished to build the business man’s dream home. You stared at the foreign house that sat on the place of your childhood dreams and frustrations.

Jinyoung placed his hands on your shoulders and stopped you at the exact halfway point between what was once his house and your house. You rubbed your arms as a gust of wind rushed by. Without thinking, Jinyoung slipped off his hoodie and placed it on top of your shoulders.

“I remember racing you down this street.” You piped up, pointing down the end of the road. Jinyoung always won that race. No one was faster than him on this street.

“I remember finding that stray puppy and fighting over who got to keep it.” He responded.

“It should’ve been me.” You bickered. Jinyoung laughed, amused at how you were always one to hold a grudge.

“Do you remember that day when it started raining soooo hard and we had to walk shoulder to shoulder under my umbrella?”

You nodded. “Ya, that was the same day with the gummy worms, you dummy.”

“So do you remember what happened right here?” He pointed at the exact spot you were standing. You racked your head for a memory, but nothing stood out to you clearly. You shook your head no. “We always said bye to one another here...but…?” you trailed off.

He took a step forward, both of you standing directly under the streetlight now. You watched his face light up as he likely played the moment back in his head. “So that day, standing under my umbrella, we were about to go our separate ways. You turned into me.”

He took another step closer, popping open the bright yellow convenience store umbrella and holding it over your heads.

You could see it now. It was drizzling so hard, even your hair wasn’t protected from getting soaked. You wrapped your hands around the handle, just like how you did back then. Chest to chest, huddled under the umbrella. Jinyoung locked eyes with you, your heart beat faster.

“And you looked at me, and I swear I was going to say everything I wanted to tell you right then and there.” Your mouth opened in shock. “This was the place where I almost told you I loved you.”

You studied the eyes of the boy you watched grow up. He looked scared, but sure. There was no doubt in your mind that Jinyoung meant what he said. He lowered the umbrella, not letting his gaze veer from you.

Your life was just a build up of what if’s and trying to gain the courage to make something of yourself… but you didn’t want that anymore. With your heart beating out of control, you leaned into him, taking the risk and kissing his lips. He wrapped his arms around your waist, deepening the heat of the kiss.

A round of thunder boomed above you, and little by little, raindrops began to pour from the sky.

You and Jinyoung separated to look up at the sky. “I did say, you never know when it’s gonna rain.”

You both ran for the car, shoulder to shoulder, under the umbrella. From your heads to your toes, you were soaked in the rain, but neither of you cared. You silently thanked the world for every bad thing that happened to you today that led to this.

…

You blinked your eyes awake, surveying the damp clothes strewn across your living room floor, and the heat of the bare body laying next to you on the couch. You stared at your sleepy childhood best friend, a smile spreading across your lips. This was a change you were ready for.

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