#please don't comment anything with the intention of changing the experience i'm having

[evelhak]

I'm gonna be raw here for a sec. I just had my last psychophysical physiotherapy appointment for the next six months, and we went over my progress for the last year and what my key challenges and epiphanies have been, and when I left, I realised this was the first time I had stayed present for the entire 2 hours, and suddenly, when I was walking, this song which I hadn't listened to for years, was playing in my head:

I have known this song since middle school, so, 17-ish years, but just now for the first time, I felt that it described my feelings. And this is a huge breakthrough for me. Because I have never before been able to relate to a song where feelings are expressed in such a strong worded way. The moment something is too angsty, too explosive, too crude, too impolite, too explicit, or anything like that, I can't connect to it or see myself in it. But not today. I just vibed with the song in my head, and then went to listen to it, and I actually felt it in my body and emotions, or more like I felt my emotions in my body. Like "I actually have emotions that I can fully experience not just sort of look at and analyse" sort of way.

Not like "I could maybe relate to this song if it was expressed in a more sophisticated way". I just felt the song. I just related to it. I just felt like it was the perfect song for my long since unexpressed frustrations and experiences.

Not that this is suddenly going to become my new normal or anything, I would probably still be exhausted if I experienced the world through angst or such, because it's not my natural way of dealing with things, but this short experience right now felt very empowering to me. 💙

[ao3-shenanigans]

Would it be rude to ask an author how sad of an ending an ongoing story will be? I don't like permanent major character death stories or Greek tragedy levels of sad ending stories and it's one of the ways this story I'm really enjoying could end up going. There is no indication in the tags or author's notes from what I've seen. Idk I just don't want to be mean or discouraging cause I love the story soo much!!!!!

To be honest, I’m not entirely sure; I know everyone will have widely varying opinions on this which means that it’s a very good question!

On one hand, authors aren’t generally fans of being told what to do or not to do in the comments as that’s not really the place for such things, on the other hand- if it’s a genuine question I don’t really see why not?

I think it really comes down to tone and context:

‘Woah! I love your story! [character/concept] is one of my favorites and you do it so well!

Out of curiosity, may I ask how sad you intend the ending to be?/genq (I’m sensitive to some endings and didn’t notice anything in the tags and as such wanted to be able to prepare myself; if you’re willing to share)

I love this story and am always so excited to see an update notification in my inbox!

Many many kudos!’

^something like this would be, I think, pretty well received by the author and understandable as it’s coming from a place of good intentions and is made clear as such

Of course, if it does end up being a tragedy for the ages, you might have to stop reading, which would be unfortunate but there’s really nothing you can (or should) do to change it. If it turns out to be the case, leave an “Extra kudos!” On the last chapter you read and walk off without further comment- leave on a high note, and hey- bookmark it and maybe one day you’ll be able to come back and revisit the story!

Note: to everyone commenting and sharing their own experiences and opinions, please, above all else, be kind, both to commenters and authors <3

[nomsfaultau]

well i had a tumblr error so I'm going to copy and paste the ask

wlwdwtys asked:

(Potentially) Daily ask №4

Tommy edition!

How did he become a collected? You don't gotta say if it's way too major spoilers

If he was given the opportunity to get rid of the Red permanently, would he? What if that meant that some random child in the world got the Red instead? Would his choice change?

How old is he?

His opinion on SCP 053? That one 3 year old girl physical contact with whom causes the person to become aggressive towards her but die moments after harming her, from a heart attack? She's kind of the opposite to his powers, isn't she?

BOOM I have brought a golden bracelet that allows to turn the red on and off at will. With just the intention to, basically. Now he can hug whoever he wants with little repercussions. Also, eat your vegetables, Tommy Innit.

-------------------------------------

Not spoilers at all. Tommy and Philza’s first encounter consisted initially of Philza threatening to caramelize him till he was but naught a stain upon the earth all shuddered to remember etc etc. In Phil’s defense he thought the phone call was a hostage negotiation for his teleported mentee. After reunion with The Blade, Philza’s opinion about the summoning thing was that it was a power not in good hands, given teen Tommy was a twit, but at least non malicious ones. He figured it was best to be on good terms with Tommy given The Blade’s safety was on the line. Tommy naturally had a whole normal life going on and wasn’t exactly going to drop it to be with them 24/7, which Phil thought reasonable despite his security problem. Tommy started visiting them and bringing food (and his mum at first, who wasn’t pleased her kid was hanging around with homeless men but also recognized they had experience with powers that she couldn’t help Tommy with). Tommy was in desperate need of any sort of guidance given he was grappling with suddenly not being human anymore. Poor idiot thought he was in a different genre and mistook the anomalies for a band of superpowered vigilantes. The trio tried to tone everything down for him, make life on the run seem thrilling and not deadly, hide the bodies before he came to visit, etc. Everything just seems safer and lighter when Tommy was around. Philza became fond of the bright eyed ball of energy, and after months realized ‘oh muffin I want to Collect him.’ At which point Wilbur and The Blade traded money in the background. It was more efficient that way anyway, since The Blade wouldn’t be summoned if Tommy was safe so might as well protect him. Not sure what his long term plan was since mother innit would’ve had his hide if he suggested Tommy take up being a homeless nomad instead of going to college, but the Foundation captured Tommy before anything so I suppose it doesn’t matter much. Tommy’s initial reaction to being asked about Collection was “huh? But I already have a dad.”

Tommy would get rid of his Red in a heartbeat. It’s a curse to him, a large source of his trauma, and the reason the Foundation oppresses him. If someone else would get it… he’d still give it up. He’s not above selfishness. And honestly it still might be a better outcome since the new person wouldn’t be traumatized by their own power in a way that makes it far more dangerous and difficult to live with. Frankly if it wasn’t a trigger for him Tommy could very well touch people just fine since its effects are proportional to his panic.

Now that is a spoiler. But he was captured when in the late 15 area, and had a party with Tubbo and Rosalind for his 17th while in the Foundation. They were guessing tho, since it’s hard to keep track of time and so it didn’t really take place on the 10th of April, if I’m remembering Tommy’s birthday right. And since the clues are in Fault and at least a few commenters have figured it out: Tommy is actually 21, and everyone was in the Foundation for 5 years. The Blade is the only one who knows this due to his infrequent escapes. Due to a lack of typical developmental milestones such as graduation, moving out of his parents house (in a normal and safe way), etc Tommy still acts like a teenager. People well into adult hood like Rosalind, Rhodes, etc register him as a kid because of that immaturity. Philza doesn’t judge mortal ages well, Wilbur has no frame of reference and is always taller even when Tommy grows, and everyone is teeny tiny to The Blade. Tubbo was initially pretty shocked given how tall Tommy is, but Rhodes skewed the frame of reference. Plus, then Tommy opened his mouth.

In his role as a research tool, it’s possible Tommy’s encountered her, since the Foundation would want to know if she has powers outside of the touch thing. When ordered not to touch the kid, he laughed humorously. Likely he dripped some Red on her and then sat in the corner while the kid attacked the D-class. He was grateful about the heart attack part, far easier for them to just drop dead rather than watch a baby try to rip em apart. He’d probably try to comfort her after, and would have some degree of success given a scene where he calmed a hysterical Jasmine (5) and the number of instances helping Tubbo through the trauma of the Foundation. It’s helped but the fact 053 isn’t really affected by the attacks, but he would lose points for inadvertently suggesting some of his own ill advised coping mechanisms or convictions. I don’t think her anomalous affect would target him while the Red was active, so he might draw little pictures on the floor for her with Red while janitors took care of the body.

Tubbo has to carry around Tommy for days since he’s in full koala bear mode. They don’t mind but also they don’t have very high stamina due to how many bees they’ve lost. Wilbur would also get a lot of physical affection, and for once wouldn’t be a cagey tsundere about it. There’d be hesitation at first, of course, still instinctively demuring from contact and holding himself back, but that would fade into only subconscious, infrequent moments Tommy would be almost always touching someone, an arm slung over shoulders, a hand hooked in the crook of an elbow, leaning and pressing and starving.

He’d never turn it back on.

[theproverbialpen]

Musings from a Hazbin Fan and Hotel Employee

Yeah, that's right—I'm posting to this blog for the first time in years because I got into Hazbin Hotel of all things. Not only did I get into this cursed fandom, I'm writing fan fiction for it. Fan fiction. I think the last time I wrote fanfiction was...2012? 2013? And I only ever told 3 people about that one. Now here I am posting on main. The brainrot truly is unquantifiable.

If you're one of the few people that survived the purge of those I know IRL, congratulations. Please don't judge me lol. Anyways, actual musings are below the cut!

So I’m writing a fun little fanfic on AO3 and after someone left a comment (if you’re reading this, still genuinely one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me about my craft), it occured to me—as a Hazbin Hotel enjoyer, I have a pretty unique perspective on the series as an IRL hospitality professional. So! Thought it would be some cute bonus content to talk a little bit more about my life at an actual hotel and how it’s impacted my experience with Vivziepop’s hit series. 

Please note: this is written purely for shits and giggles. I don’t actually have any issues with the setting of Vivzie’s narrative or how it plays into the stories she and her team want to tell. I fucking love this show, to a potentially unhealthy degree, and I haven’t had this much fun with a series since like…okay well my hyperfixations change like every few months, but still. Point is, this isn’t actually critique, or satire, or anything with negative or critical intentions. TLDR; this post is for funsies, get off my dick.

So Who TF Am I, Anyways?

A little background on myself, for context. I’ve been employed at my hotel for almost a year now, and it’s my first hospitality job. I work in the Sales and Events department and I’ve come to learn that Group Business is actually integral for keeping a hotel up and running. When your average person (read: me before this job) thinks about hotels and traveling, you’d think it’s all about the families, bloggers, and individual travelers when it comes to guests and revenue. But in actuality, most of a hotel’s revenue—at least in the market I work in—will come from contracted room blocks and events. 

That’s where folks in my department come in. We work with clients to negotiate contracts and secure occupants for our hotel year round. Simply put, if we don’t do our jobs well, then no one else gets hours. So as much as the anti-capitalist in me will sometimes hate being a cog in the machine, it is really fulfilling to be able to help clients meet their needs while also making sure my coworkers are able to put food on the table. 

Speaking of being a cog in the machine, because of my role in Sales, this means that whenever I travel or think about hotels, I’m always thinking about the revenue side of things. I also work more with the Events team, so operations are also on the forefront of my mind. Which leads me to my principal quandary for this little blog post:

How in the Hell does the Hazbin Operate?

I have a laundry list of questions. A laundry list that’s almost as big as the actual pile of dirty laundry that is currently plaguing my bedroom floor. I will summarize (which is a generous word given how fucking verbose I can be) below:

Issue #1: Revenue Generation

Okay listen, I know Charlie is the Princess of Hell. I know she probably has unlimited capital, whatever that looks like in the HelluVerse. And I know the Hazbin is literally there to help rehabilitate people so charging them to stay would be counterproductive.

But my dude…do you understand how much money would be needed to run an operation of this scale?

At the end of Season 1, the new Hazbin is huge. Like it easily looks as big, if not bigger, than the hotel I work at which has nearly 500 rooms. Do you know how much revenue our team has to generate to keep this place running? Do you know how many millions our target goal is set at for each quarter? How many hundreds of thousands my coworkers’ individual quotas are set to? And sunshine in a bottle over here doesn’t charge her residents anything????? 

How does she get all those decorations? How does she order food or inventory? We know Hell has an economy, like Angel literally says he needs to save money for drugs in his first appearance. Is she…does she even pay her staff???

It is utterly appalling that Charlie is able to operate a hotel of this scale, both because of how it doesn’t make sense from a business perspective and because there are IRL billionaires that could probably do the same thing and solve homelessness overnight. 

Speaking of scale:

Issue #2: The Hazbin’s Systems, Or Lack Thereof

Okay so, yes, there’s only like…one official resident of the hotel, maybe two if Cherri moves in and doesn’t become a staff member (RIP Pentious, you would have loved living with Cherri Bomb). With the staff the way it is, that’s a solid 5:1 ratio, which is beyond ideal. But—and I touch on this in the fic—I feel I must reiterate: the new Hazbin is fucking massive. And you know what that means? It’s going to be able to hold a lot of guests. Guests that will need staff to take care of them. Let’s review:

Charlie is the owner and mostly teaches classes. Vaggie is the co-owner and kind of acts as the Executive Assistant to Charlie’s General Manager. I guess Alastor is the Hotel Manager? I’m gonna be honest, I have no idea what he does, but generally speaking he’s supposed to be the jack of all trades and manage the rest of the staff. Niffty handles Housekeeping and I guess would be the director of that. Husk is the bartender but like canonically only really eats pub food so he definitely can’t be the Food & Beverage head. 

Let’s say we scrap the Sales and Revenue Departments because clearly they don’t need income, but we keep a Marketing position so that Charlie can get the word out about the hotel. That leaves us with the need for Engineering, Front Desk, Rooms, and F&B staff. And like, not just one person—that would fucking suck—but proper staff. And given their track record of organization and managing the hotel…let’s just say, I would not be applying to the Hazbin Hotel anytime soon. Honestly, it sounds like that job would qualify to be the new tenth circle of Hell. 

What Does the Hazbin Get Right About IRL Hospitality?

So yes, clearly the world of the Hazbin Hotel leans towards the more fanciful—it is a story about Hell after all. However, there have been some moments that have made me chuckle as a hotel employee, things that are relatable for us in the hospitality world. Allow me to highlight them for you below:

Everyone is Bat Shit Crazy

Hospitality professionals are weird. So weird. Before I started my job, I was terrified of the level of professionality I would need to have. When I first got hired, I was given a whole packet on dress code and appropriate conduct. As you can probably tell from my writing style, this was concerning: I can be professional when I need to be, but I cannot maintain that guise for extended periods of time. Call it my toxic trait.

I also already had this impression of poised and put-together hotel staff from my previous experiences with travel. All the Front Desk agents would be in these clean and wrinkle-free clothes with kind yet business-forward attitudes, office workers would be walking around in full suits, and occasionally you’d see the hotel management on the floor if you were looking. Let me tell you now—it is a facade. An act. An incredible stage production unfolding in real time where all the staff do their absolute damndest to make you feel like you are in an organized and professional institution. Not unlike a certain hit animated musical.

My direct supervisor, the literal Director of Catering and Events, once told me that being a liiiiiittle crazy was a prerequisite for working in our department during the hiring process for a new Sales Manager. She was wrong—the prerequisite is not “a little” crazy. The prerequisite is being bat shit insane. And it’s not just our department, oh noooOoooOo, it is every department. Downstairs in our little basement dungeon, we make out of pocket comments, scream at random intervals, and swear way more than we should (that one might be my fault…according to my partner I swear more at work than at home and apparently it’s rubbing off on my colleagues), but that behavior is in no way restricted to just the Sales Team. 

I process the checks that are sent to our property and our Director of Rooms makes me say “can I get a WITNESSSS” before she signs off on the drop log (Charlie-core). If I don’t say it high pitched enough or with enough vigor, she makes me do it again. I once watched a guy in Engineering climb a tall step ladder balanced with two legs on a platform and a third leg balanced on a wooden plank his coworker was holding steady. The fourth leg was over the open air. Let me reiterate: the open. Fucking. Air. Tell me you can’t see Angel Dust and Cherri doing that shit.

Speaking of Engineering, you wanna know what dumbass thing happened just this morning? The Regional Director of the department—regional meaning he manages teams all across our area, like top level type shit—told us about this cursed ass Instagram trend he found where allegedly, putting ketchup on a Kit Kat tasted like fudge. So right there and then, him, myself, and two other coworkers decided ‘why the fuck not?’:

I would never seek it out willingly again, but I honestly didn’t hate it. 

The point of all of this is to say—the antics the Hazbin crew get up to? Totally realistic. I could see my coworker Robert throwing me into an active battlefield against my will. We have deadass done the role playing thing Angel and Pentious did during our trainings, and it was just as unhinged. Every day some shit happens at this hotel and I’m just like, “Yup. That could happen in Hazbin.”

“Call Now! Or Don’t! I Don’t Care! We Still Don’t Have a Working Phone!”

I would like to preface this section by saying: if you happen to be a Front Desk associate, I’m sorry. This is not directed at you, this is directed at your managers and their communication skills that may or may not exist. If you are somehow a manager reading this, uh—first of all, cringe. Second of all, I hope these next few paragraphs don’t apply to you. If they do and you’re offended: that’s a certified you-problem, babes. 

There are three certainties in this life: death, taxes, and miscommunication from your fucking managers. Tell me why in this past week alone I have been in 5 different email threads regarding fuck-ups and complaints from guests about things that we had clearly communicated. Tell me why in these email threads, people were attempting to throw me under the bus or shift the blame to my team. Tell me why I have gone to every single individual office in my department complaining about this. Tell me why this isn’t the first time this has happened.

Another hotel tidbit: across the board, Q1 (Jan-Mar) is supposed to be slow, for all of hospitality. It’s the time to get the metaphorical phone lines working, ya know? Our Q1 was stupidly busy, so I get it, people were slammed and short staffed. But like… we had time. Time to iron out our communication, time to create systems and processes that would ensure we’d be all set when things got busier. Yet here I am at the start of Q2 with an entire fist shoved up my ass being puppeted around to fix other people’s mistakes. 

It’s times like these when I go back to rewatch Hazbin for the like 26th time and I watch Charlie and Alastor run the hotel and I’m just like “whyyYyYyYyYyYy”. Like I KNOW Vaggie has had days where she’s like, “what…what am I supposed to be doing right now? Like what is my job, what… What?” 

It’s not just Front Desk either. It’s every department, even my own bosses. Like the call is coming from inside the house, sweetie, why did you tell this Sales Manager that I was taking care of all her commissions but you didn’t tell me this. Why am I blocking a room for an Orientation the following Monday at fucking 5:45 PM on a Friday. Why am I JUST finding out about a VIP guest when I have been asking you if you had any notes for me for the whole week.

I touch on it in my fic as well but like…pretty sure Charlie just, decides to host her classes day of. And that drives me insane. Like I…there are processes. Things that need to be done so that everyone is on the same page. You don’t just wing this shit, that’s how you end up with Susan calling your Director to tell her that you’re a useless waste of space not even deserving of the air in your lungs because you didn’t give her her fucking breakfast voucher. 

As a character, I love Alastor. If I were ever in the same room as him, I’d probably hate him. But if there’s anything relatable about that Geneva Convention Violation on Legs it’s his absolutely done attitude in Episode 1’s opening commercial.

Charlie Loves Helping People, and So Do We!

Alright, I’ve complained for enough paragraphs, let’s be positive for a second. The thing that is by far the most true to life in Hazbin Hotel is how much joy Charlie gets from taking care of her guests. Like…that’s our bread and butter in the hospitality world. Well, maybe just the butter; we need that bread in the form of cold hard cash (or direct deposits, whatever works best). But as much as I will bitch and moan about the difficulties of working in a hotel, there’s nothing quite as fulfilling as a guest telling you that you made their entire trip better. The butterflies I get reading reviews where my coworkers are mentioned by name and a guest writes about how we completely turned around their bad day are an absolute delight. It just means the world knowing that you can have that kind of impact on someone, even if it’s just in the little things.

In Episode 2, when Charlie and the crew are welcoming Sir Pentious and she just starts vibrating with excitement is exactly how I feel when I get to meet a client that we’ve been working with for months and finally welcome them to our property. When they sing “It Starts With Sorry” and just get to have a moment of empathy and compassion together, it reminds me of the clients and the phone calls I take where I get to ask them about their goals and help them feel like they’re supported and heard. In the grand scheme of things, is a nice phone call or interaction with some hotel employee going to change your life? Probably not. But for those few moments when their burdens seem lighter is why I love my job.

This goes for guests, and for my fellow coworkers. I’ve been very blessed to start my hospitality career in an unusually supportive work culture. Yeah, we can be some right petty bitches sometimes, but overall everyone is so encouraging and so quick to help lighten each other’s loads. Like in Episode 5 (best episode btw, for obvious reasons) when all the Hazbin Crew are working together to prepare the hotel for Lucifer’s arrival, that shit made me so giddy cause like- that’s us! Look at us go! We workin together so hard, we’re so cute! Like when Niffty and Pentious are baking and she looks up at him all excited n’ shit—that’s literally been me working with our Director of Restaurants on new food menus or promotional material. 

There’s something about being in an occupation where your whole purpose is to take care of people that really brings out the selflessness in you, and I think that’s what makes the hotel such a great setting for Charlie’s mission of redemption. I didn’t realize that until writing this paragraph tbh, but yeah, it just kinda…works. When your job is to make sure other people have a good time and feel supported and you’re surrounded by people that make you feel the same way, it’s a lot easier to want to choose to do good, to do right by the people around you. So as much as I have some silly little nitpicks…yeah, I can admit—I love that this show is about the Hazbin Hotel specifically.

Anyways, if you made it this far, thanks for reading! Next update for Life is In Redemption will be out in the days to come, just thought this would be a fun addition while I work on some of the content with my friends. This upcoming chapter is going to have a co-author, so get hyyyyyped :)

[femmefatalevibe]

Hi I have always been super sensitive to people's comments. That is really annoying for me but I don't really know how to deal with those emotions and thoughts because somebody would just make a joke of me (maybe just a funny joke) but that stays in my mind for a long time. I don't want to take what people say personally so, can you please give me how to stop being so sensitive and start treating jokes just as jokes. Hope you have a good day.

Hi love. I'm sorry to hear that people are making jokes at your expense. Please know, though, that learning how to not take others' words personally and expecting others to treat you with respect are not mutually exclusive standards/boundaries to uphold in your interactions and relationships with others.

To not take others' words personally, remember that most people's comments about others are a reflection of how they feel about themselves. Individuals who frequently criticize others or feel the need to put others down for their own pleasure typically are projecting their own self-hatred, negative self-talk, and low self-esteem. Take others' sentiments are a reflection of their self-concept, inner world, thoughts, and experiences – you rarely have anything to do with you.

However, with that being said, you have every right to be upset at someone's "joke" about you and let the person know that their comment upset you. While I don't know the types of remarks people are making towards you and the intention behind these statements, you have every right to share that these comments make you feel upset or uncomfortable. If someone is actively making fun of you or trying to put you down, do not tolerate this disrespect. Stand up for yourself. Call them out.

Please start valuing your needs. While people are still going to do and say these please, you have the right to do the same.

If you're being triggered by very impersonal, benign comments, it's worth exploring why these comments are so triggering to you. Those remarks will come up in life and you just have to understand that it says more about the person making the "joke" than anything about you personally, your appearance, actions, or intentions. Some people will box you into a certain role to self-validate their internal life narrative –nothing you do or say will change their minds, so you just have to understand that this person chooses to have blinders on and has not done the internal work to deeply self-reflect/see outside of themselves.

However, especially if these comments are solely directed at you, once you let others know you're uncomfortable, you have every right to walk away from the situation if your discomfort doesn't make them stop and respect your interpersonal/conversational boundaries.

If you're ever unsure if you're taking a comment too personally, try this gut-check exercise. Ask yourself: If a friend or a loved one told you a similar remark was made to them as you just heard expressed to you, how would you react? Would you be more inclined to tell your friend they're overreacting or be appalled that someone would speak to someone you love in this manner? Let your answer to this question guide you to a more objective and self-loving interpretation/response to these comments.

Hope this helps xx

[winxanity-ii]

❀ ° • • • ╮ 𝖂𝖊𝖑𝖈𝖔𝖒𝖊 ╰ • • • ° ❀

18+ 𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐤(𝐬) | 𝐌𝐢𝐧𝐨𝐫𝐬 𝐃𝐨 𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐈𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭

The name's Xani, and welcome to my blog where i push out all the delusional scenarios/stories—both sfw and nsfw—my maladaptive daydreams like to stir up...

i'm not really sure how this goes, but if you guys have an idea you'd like to see written, send it, and hopefully my delusions will work in overdrive to complete them...

um, what else? i guess all i can say is don't hold back! though i may be new to this posting stuff, i've had my fair share of experiences, so whatever you think of, i most likely dabbled in it...

and if i do a good enough job on something and have more spunk in the gunk, i'll do my best to do a continuation on whatever...

also, don't be afraid to reblog/like either! it let's me know i'm doing a good job (not that i like being praised or anything hahahah, unless 👀)

i guess that's all. bye!

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Also, I will NOT be responding to malicious Anonymous/Anon asks or posts; if you do, you will receive 1 reminder of this before getting ignored. It's nothing personal—I just prefer to respond to someone whose intentions are to criticism/expect me to change to their desires. If you have genuine questions, thoughts, or feedback, please reach out so we can have a real conversation, as well as get your questions fully answered and see more about what my mind is coming up with!

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P.S. The quickest and swiftest way to get blocked is by telling me what I need to do in my writing(s)... like, be for real 😐

Also, and I can't possibly stress this enough, please refrain from stealing/plagiarizing ANY of my works! I am passionate about sharing my creations on this platform, but I must emphasize that I am the sole legal owner and author of any of my works posted. Any unauthorized use or plagiarism of my work will result in immediate takedown and legal action taken. Respect for copyright is essential to maintain the integrity of my original storyline and the characters within, and if not, I have zero-problems with taking them down indefinitely! Enjoy~😊

Key: xani-writes: (works/fics) xani-rants: (random thought) xani-responds: (usually responses to asks/etc.) xani-navi: (my master lists/etc)

𝐚𝐥𝐭 𝐚𝐜𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: lulu-4-u | Lusion

[sillysapphillean]

Not trying to start an argument or anything so please don’t take it that way.

I think you have a flawed idea of what is being depicted with Andrew’s medication. It is a whole thing with Andrew’s character that he has been failed by the medical/justice/foster system. That is a very real thing that happens. Just because Nora made some things up to illustrate what she was trying to depict doesn’t make the thing she’s depicting any less real.

He is canonically bipolar. His medicine or he himself are implied to be misdiagnosed. Again something that happens irl. It is an ongoing thematic thing for Andrew to be misrepresented and misunderstood. With his family and the foxes it’s seeing him as a monster. For the medical system it’s seeing him as psychotic rather than him being bipolar with cptsd.

It’s not inherently demonization to depict real flaws in the system in especially not when we see Andrew getting help from people in that same system. (Bee) I’m just saying that the book itself shows both good and bad working in the same system. It’s morally gray I. A way that you seem to dismiss and frame as a black and white issue.

The point im trying to make is that nobody is trying to say that we should look at aftg uncritically rather that we should, but it’s also important to not dismiss what Nora is trying to get across with the information displayed just because the way she went about given us the information is not the pinnacle of moral purity.

(Idk I’m sorry for leaving this rambling mess in your ask box but I think this is a really interesting idea you posed and wanted to offer an alternative view point. No hate or anything i actually really like your account :D )

You see, the thing is that you just addressed a whole lot of complaints that i did not voice.

Of course nora's intentions were to write about the medical system and mental health treatment failing andrew. And there's nothing wrong with that specifically because those are very real issues people with mental illness experience, it's literally something i have experienced. The thing with that however, and what the actual issue is, is that you can't just go "well it's meant to comment on real issues" when beyond the surface level there is nothing real about what is presented and anything based in reality is overshadowed by the amount of shit that's made up.

Because it is abundantly clear both by how it is written and by how nora has talked about andrew's mental illness that she did not care to research actual experiences instead of just going with what she thought she already knew/what she assumed.

You can not both have "well it's okay to make stuff up, it's just supposed to illustrate something not be about the real thing" and "andrew is canonically bipolar" simultaneously. If you are going to use real disorders you better do them justice. Our disabilities and mental illness don't exist to be used as plot devices.

Andrew is not written like he is bipolar (and let's remember that it is nora who calls him bipolar, not what he has been misdiagnosed as in universe). His mania literally only comes from his medication and it is emphasized repeatedly when he gets around to getting sober that he does not experience this mania naturally off his meds. That is not how bipolar works. It's also not how being wrongfully medicated for "being psychotic" works.

Hi, i'm someone who takes antipsychotics. I am also someone who has been affected by how much antipsychotic meds have been fearmongered (needing antipsychotic meds when everywhere you look they get depicted as something that fundamentally changes you as a person is scary as fuck & keeps people hesitant about taking medication that will vastly improve their life). And yeah being falsely put on antipsychotics can be devastating but there are no meds that will turn you into a violent manic who experiences constant forced amusement, even if they're falsely prescribed to you. What antipsychotics generally do (besides bad physical side effects) when falsely prescribed is make you feel loopy and tired, suppress sensations like hunger, raise anxiety, cause emotional numbness, make it difficult to think and make you feel nauseous (not in the way andrew does because he only feels sick when they wear off). I have seen people who were falsely put on pretty high doses describe it as feeling trapped in their own mind, and the sedative effects have been blamed for deaths in misuse cases involving older patients. Ironically if andrew was actually bipolar, some antipsychotics could help him because they do have mood stabilizing effects.

Additionally the way his medication is essentially described like a state prescribed ecstasy dose. Yes there is plenty of medication that can be addicting and yes going off them can be rough and dangerous but it's written as if he has a severe drug addiction (describing him as high, the way his "withdrawal" manifests, the process of him being taken off the meds being almost treated like he's getting an addiction treated). And it is, in my opinion, incredibly fucking harmful to depict medication like that. She did not have to do all that to write about a misdiagnosis and wrong medication because that's not how that works when that stuff actually happens.

The ableism andrew faces in universe is not at all what i take issue with. Yes the use of slurs and the way other characters demonize him is uncomfortable as fuck but that is in universe and in character ableism, and believe it or not, i can tell the difference between that and ableist writing.

I understand that nora wanted to write about another part of the system failing andrew, and that just like all the other shit andrew has been through she used issues that exist irl, that real people go through. I don't think nora contributed to deliberate malicious demonization. But you cannot convince me she actually put in any proper research, effort and care into writing him as bipolar (if that was even actually what she had in mind when writing him and not just what she decided to label him when people asked). And that is something i consider careless ableism.

Misrepresenting real mental illness that you explicitly named IS ableist. Misrepresenting how psychiatric medication works IS ableist and harmful. Mentally ill people being subjected to medical abuse, misdiagnosis and malpractice IS a very real issue and that rly just makes making shit up as you go instead of representing the actual real horrors of those experiences even worse.

Either make up the whole thing and don't throw around the names of real disorders or put in the effort to do what you chose to use as a plot device actual justice.

I don't think that's too much to ask as a person who is affected by how much misrepresentation of real disorders there already is, and I don't think it's a reach to say not caring enough to do it better is ableist.

(i am generally an intense person and topics like this in particular make me get heated. I do not care to police my own tone but that does not mean i have anything against u personally or against u trying to talk about this further)

[recreationalfanfics]

Hello! Adventurer anon again! :D

I wasn't expecting Reader to have this epiphany that Adventurer is sabotaging Reader's budding relationship nor be aware of his plans to kill, but I did think maybe the whole experience would have triggered a small crack in Reader's perception and idolization(maybe adoration?) of Adventurer. I mean, Reader does realize how much Richard has changed (for the worse) because of Adventurer, but then almost backtracks to appease him?

So, even though Jesse was successful, it would've been nice to see a seed of doubt planted in the back of Reader's mind, not because she suspects him of being a Yandere, but because, 'Richard's an asshole now directly because of you and that lessens my opinion of you, even if it's just a little bit. Maybe Richard spending more time with you isn't a good thing?' (But of course we, actual readers, know the truth lol)

I suppose I was expecting a subtle shift in Reader's perception of Jesse? I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't want things to be too easy for him lol

I didn't intend to make criticisms so please don't take my comments as anything negative because this is just me thinking out loud and reacting to your story. If anything, this proves that the drabble is great, because here I am still churning over Jesse's character and his relationship with Reader during my lunch break lol

But intention is different from reality, and looking back, my words do come off as criticisms so I'm sorry for that!

Thank you for discussing your characters with me and taking time to add to these little worlds you share with us! <3

AAAH, NO BECAUSE THAT IS DEFINETLY AN AFTERMATH THAT HAPPENS (also, I don't mind criticism and I do welcome it! Your words were very helpful so don't apologize!) AND I DO LOVE YOUR THOUGHTS AND DEFINETLY WANT TO EXPAND ON THEM.

Jesse got rid of Richard, yes, but now he's facing himself with a different problem: the fact that he overlooked how your opinion would change of him. Yes, you don't know exactly WHAT happened but Jesse looked just as emotionally distressed as you were and seemed just as upset about you, blaming himself, and even going as far as to cut contact for a bit just so you'd comfort him and tell him that Richard's death wasn't his fault but you do realize that the only reason Richard changed was because of Jesse.

Men sometimes act a certain way because they seek validation from other men but you can't help but think about how Jesse never outright called Richard out on his behavior. Maybe he wanted to approach it gently but if so, that wouldn't make sense considering whenever one of the older staff made a remark Jesse didn't like, Jesse would respond immediately with a sharp and witty response. Yet he never did that when Richard would boast and brag, just staring at Richard from the corner of his eye before giving you a timid smile as if being all: "This guy, am I right?"

Of course Jesse was human but something about him dulls in your eyes. He must've been traumatized especially since he told you how much he tried to prevent Richard from being so reckless but Jesse had told you stories of how he saved people from collapsing temples and cursed objects but he couldn't save one wannabe adventurer? Oh well, maybe you were thinking too much into it.

Still, you don't want history to repeat itself so whenever you make a guy friend or start talking to a guy; you never drop Jesse's name nor do you even think about talking to him about the guy you're seeing. When Jesse wants to make plans with you, you tell him that you can't because you had other affairs, and whenever he tries to coax an answer out of you, you just give him an equally playful response before bidding him goodnight. His smile drops as soon as you leave because he knows something is up.

He's been finding hairs that don't match your length and color on your things, the way you'd shop online for nice outfits or accessories, and when he decides to just covertly go over to your place just to investigate a bit more, he sees you with someone else who kisses you goodnight and drives off.

Jesse'll get rid of them too, just like he got rid of good ol' Richie but his heart is broken that you didn't tell him a damn thing. He wants to ask you about the next morning but bites his tounge, it'd be easier if you thought he didn't know. He also notices the difference in how you treat him, you're not as enchanted by him and he realizes his jokes don't make you laugh as much, just a friendly and amused smile but that's it.

He'll have to be more careful with this one because he hates how that glimmer of adoration has lost it's shine in your eyes.

[once-upon-an-imagine]

I don't usually do asks, but you know what? I'm breaking the silence for you.

No you're not overreacting, as much as people call this statement dramatic but please, listen to your gut feeling. If he said it in a way that made you uncomfortable, and raised a few red flags you're probably right.

Now I'm not telling you "oh he needs to go, leave the man" which if you want to it's totally up to you, but we want to do some thinking (is it the first time he said something like this? Was his tone suggestive? Is his tone usually suggestive in normal conversation?) In the end you're the one talking to him and you're the one who can judge him better.

Now if it was just a curious question, which is a bit odd but not everyone's the same, he might have just asked and laughed nervously at the question. Yes it is questionable but it mightve been random and you see it that way because it's a sensitive topic for you.

Either way I'm just a stranger on tumblr that heard four sentences from your conversation and doesn't know anything about your relationship to this person so I can't decide for sure what that was but I hope this helps you at least.

Have a nice day ♡♡

hi, love 😊 firstly, thank you for taking the time not only to read my post but to come into my inbox to reassure me, especially when you don't usually send asks! it means a lot!

it was the first time he made a comment like that, more than having a suggestive tone, I thought it was like a stupid attempt to like not take the topic so serious (as much men do in my experience) his tone has never been suggestive before that (or after) I don't think it was a curious question, more like just trying to make a joke

I ended up telling him that his question had made me feel uncomfortable and the fac that he laughed even more. I told him this was a very sensitive topic for me and the only reason why I told him was because I was going to eventually if this went further and that I believed it wasn't his intention to make me feel that way but I didn't want to be one of those people who just changes and stops talking to someone because I liked him and I preferred to put it all out there

tbh just sending that made me feel better. he then replied and apologized, he said he noticed how my tone changed and he knew he had fucked up and he would be more careful and considerate. he said that he uses the laughter message like a crutch and it doesn't necessarily mean he was laughing at the matter (which I had actually noticed, he laughs after every text 😂)

so I told him that it was okay, just that this was a hard topic for me to talk about, especially with men, and that I was already anxious about having to tell him and his answer didn't help

he apologized again and said that I could talk to him when I felt comfortable about it if I did and if I didn't want to he would understand and respect that as well and that he would work harder so I would feel comfortable and safe with him

so, all in all I'm a bit more distant and careful but I thought his apology was sincere and he actually meant it, so we'll see where it goes. I did feel 100 times better just by telling him, I didn't want to keep that to myself because it just felt wrong

so thank you again so much for taking the time to read my post and give me your input! I received so much support and love from a lot of people here and it meant the world even if I had stopped talking to him ❤️❤️

I hope you have a lovely day!

[asdear]

Thanks to a dream I had last night, I had the random idea of how I'd rewrite Avon Hertz's character if I could change him entirely.

And personally, I feel like his personality was poorly written anyway, like someone at Cockstar was like, "Let's make him a narcissist and just throw every stereotype of narcissism for his character. Also, let's make it obvious from his personality that he's trying to do something shady."

Because yes, I see Avon's personality like that. I see it as being poorly written or forced that it just easily gives away his true colors. Even when I played The Doomsday Heist for the very first time years ago, I had a bad feeling about Avon almost right away. 🫠

(Also, this is the part of my dream that inspired me to make this post. Just the way he calmly walks by his cyborg/robot things who "died." His canon self would've just cowardly run out.)

Anyway, this is how I'd reimagine Avon:

I would still make him a narcissist, but a more realistic one, with some characteristics/vibes of El Rubio, including being more threatening and violent (especially verbally). Basically, he presents as being a modest, sophisticated, and "good" guy, but in reality, he's much more evil, sadistic, and manipulative.

I especially would take out most of his narcissistic comments so that he talks less about himself or trying to do something "good" for the world. I feel like if he hid his selfish comments most of the time, it would make him less aggravating to listen to. Also, knowing from experience, narcissists usually like to hide their narcissistic side anyway.

Anytime he's questioned about his intentions/anything he's doing, instead of throwing a fit with something like, "Why are you questioning me? Do you not trust me? How pathetic do you have to be to not have faith in someone trying to do something good for humanity?", he may instead say something like...

"You have no idea what I'm trying to do. Please just trust me, I'm begging you. I know you may have trust issues with me, but it's okay - we all have trust issues, and there's no shame in that. I promise you that you'll gain your trust in me after you see what I'm doing. I'm not going to break that promise with you."

So yeah, he doesn't focus on verbally attacking the person in all of his sentences. Especially with the "trust issues" parts, he throws in those words, plus using "supportive" comments, to gaslight them.

In other cases, he straight-up intimidates the person. If no one else is around, he gets close to them and makes threatening comments. He may say something like, "Either you show trust in me, or I'll show you that you would regret not trusting me."

However, if he's around other people, he'll laugh it off as a joke while still hinting that he'll do something to them, such as, "Oh, man. Don't you love people sometimes? Trust issues and social blindness are one hell of a problem. I'm sure some sort of karma will get to them for not seeing what I'm trying to do."

He also flatters/charms the protagonists sometimes, such as, "I do not know what I'd do without you, so thank you for this," "I couldn't have anyone else getting these tasks done; you guys are all I need," "I'm the only one who understands what dangers you may exactly face in these missions. I care about you guys, and I don't want you getting hurt or killed. Whatever you do, please be careful when getting these things for me," or, "As much as I need these things, I worry about you guys. Has anyone else you worked for told you that? If not, I'm the one who has said that. Remember that I will always care about you when no one else does." Again, using a tactic like this to be manipulative/pretend to be worried or caring for the protagonists.

If he hurts someone, most notably mentally, he'll say, "I did not mean to hurt you," even though he did mean it. He'll even say, "Please stop overreacting/being dramatic," if the person gets angry at him for it.

When betraying the protagonists, instead of what he says in the game, he says in a sarcastic tone, "Well, how exactly did you make that up, Bogdan? I'd like to know. An older man like you must be so wise and smart. Am I right?" Then, he laughs and says, "Do your thing, Cliffford." Cliffford then initiates self-destruction on the submarine, promoting Bogdan and the protagonist(s) inside to escape. Especially after Avon's "do your thing" comment, Cliffford then takes control of every defense network in San Andreas, just like in the game.

When Act 3 occurs, he doesn't talk most of the heist, though he'll occasionally throw in some calm threats or manipulative comments. These threats/verbal attacks and manipulative comments may be stuff like...

"Just know that humanity will be wiped out, and you all will be burned alive and dragged down to hell."

"I'll make sure my men put holes in your fucking heads!"

"I gave you money for acquiring things for me. We both gained something out of all of this. Why can't you appreciate that we were being equal and fair with each other?"

"Laughs You're going to regret coming after me, my friends."

"How adorable - some mute psychopaths trying to be good for once and save their precious world. Adorable... but how pathetic."

When he's escaping, he doesn't announce it, but the supporting characters (Lester, Agent 14, and Mrs. Rackman) can still detect that he's escaping.

When the characters confront him, he keeps his signature lines when escaping with a jetpack. I figured this part would still fit him, even as a rewritten character.

Yeah, this is how I envision him if he was a more interesting character. Lowkey, I like this version of Avon more, like he just feels like a realistic narcissist and also feels more like a threat.

In my opinion, his canon character doesn't feel all that threatening, especially since he's a massive coward and childish; it just "takes away"/decreases his sadistic side and makes him feel less threatening. So, I just thought I'd reimagine him as someone more evil and threatening. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

And yes, as I said, I took inspiration from El Rubio's personality and threw it onto Avon. I feel like Avon being a mix of a realistic narcissist and an incredibly deranged and violent sociopath/psychopath would make him more interesting as an antagonist. 🤔

[faegana]

#FAEGANA is an indie, selective, au & canon divergent MORGANA LE FAY of bbc merlin & arthurian legends. by belle. she/her, 21+. ( high activity. ) this blog may contain dark themes. a mature audience is advised. this blog will only write with those 21+. 𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐎𝐑𝐒 & 𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋𝐒 𝐃𝐍𝐈. rules / bio / verses info are under the read more.

blogroll:

@loveindomitable + @legeandary

affilliates:

@unwaivering + @magikheir

memes.         threads.         promo.

001.    – a highly selective indie Morgana Le Fay blog. established since 2014. the tracked tag for this blog is #FAEGANA. discord is available upon request. this blog is a multifandom, multiverse, crossover, oc & duplicate friendly account. 

002.    – I will tag each post as the muse that is being used for an easy tagging system. I am mostly iconless and I may use small gifs from time to time as well. I will likely some bolds or italics when need be and small text, that's as much as I do as far as formatting goes. I am willing to use regular text as well if that is easier for my writing partners.

003.    – drama, hate, callouts and blog policing is NOT TOLERATED here. let's keep rp as a fun and creative experience. keep the drama to the characters.

004.    – if you are interacting with my starter calls, please leave a comment with the muse that you want the starter to be for if you are a mutlimuse. that makes it easier for me to make the starters. if you do not actually intend to reply to my starters, please don't have me make you one. and if you need me to change something about it, don't hesitate to ask. the same goes for ask memes as well, please specify the muse that you would like the ask to be answered with.

005.    – there are only a few things I may not follow you back for and they are as followed: not tagging posts, not having an age range on your blog anywhere and linking a form of payment somewhere. please note that I do read rules when I follow someone, that being said, I will no be sending in passwords.

006.    – while I do not require you to follow or interact with my other blogs, if I find that you have blocked them, I will likely end up softblocking or hardblocking you as I find this a form of breaking mutuals. speaking of other blogs, I do have another blog, plus I'm involved in some group rps as well. so you might see me around in other places where I also write.

007.    – FADE TO BLACK IS PREFERRED. romance leading up to sm/ut is okay. that being said, smut may be referenced on occasion, but I will not write it. that also being said, I do love writing romance, pun intended, I would just rather fade anything else to black.

008.    – If something is triggering to you & you would like it to be tagged, please don't be afraid to politely ask me to tag it. For tagged triggers I will use #TRIGGER CW. I currently do not have any triggers to be tagged.please note that the views of my character are not my own personal views. OOC=/=IC.

009.    – REBLOG FROM THE SOURCE. Please do not reblog a meme from me, especially if you have no intentions of sending me a meme in return. I understand if you can not find the original link, so an exception can be made in this case here. also please do not reblog memes from me if we are not mutuals.

010.    –  Please do not assume a character to be a relation to any of my characters unless it's been discussed. If your character is an oc sibling / child / etc., my character will not know them unless we've discussed this. that being said, canon relations are most definitely allowed. that being said, I am not entirely against this, I would just rather this sort of thing be discussed before interactions, especially if such a character drastically changes a canons background.

CREDITS.    – all graphics were made by me. and unless said otherwise, I'll credit the maker in the post, but currently everything was made by myself. graphics psd by JESSOURCE.

MUN.    – BELLE. 30+. EST. SHE/HER. I've been rping since 2006. I'm a crossover, oc & duplicate friendly account. I love exploring all things fantasy and slice of life alike. feel free to send me a meme or a starter to get things going. discord is available upon request. 21+ only. MINORS DO NOT FOLLOW.

BIOGRAPHY.

name: morgana le fay / lena walker (modern)

nickname: gana

birthday: tba

age: 18+ ( verse dependent )

pronouns: she/her

sexuality: bisexual

height: 5'6''

hair color: dark black

faceclaim: ka.tie mc.grath

canon divergent - daughter of goloris & vivienne

Born to King Goloris and Lady Vivienne. Morgana did not know much of her mother because she died a few years after she was born due to an illness, which often left her in the care of wet nurses anyway.

She lived with her father in Cornwall, where he ruled over the castle, up until he died by enemies of Camelot and due to a poor decision from King Uther. She was rightfully Princess, now Queen of Cornwall, but was never told it as she was too little to understand back then. As such, King Uther took Morgana in as his King’s Ward and she participated in meetings, balls and such as was requested by him.

She never liked that Uther had such a hatred toward magic, so when Morgana discovered her own magic years later, she was so frightened of it that if her half-sister hadn’t found her, she wasn’t sure if she would have ever gained control of it.

One thing was clear however, Uther needed to be stopped and Morgana sought the crown for herself along with her sisters help. Of course she cared about Arthur, son of Uther Pendragon, but she knew that she needed to break off her connections with him so she ended up stepping away from the castle entirely after a siege had gone wrong.

When Morgana found out who Merlin truly was she felt a deep betrayal. If her sister had not come along, he could have at least helped her and yet he chose not to. Instead he had poisoned her, ruining her friendship and whatever she could have had with him entirely. She sought out vengeance, from Merlin who betrayed her and from Arthur who had her throne.

The battle of Camlann approached and Morgana entrusted Mordred to kill Arthur. He succeeded, but in her guilt, as she watched Merlin carry him away, she wished that things could have been different.

So she waited, lingering but keeping her distance from Merlin whom she knew would never trust her again and she mourned the loss of the King and Mordred, but hoped that one day they would all be brought together again.

VERSES.

vi: you don't want to know me i will just let you down.

&. this verse contains morgana as mentioned above. she is canon divergent, meaning she is the daughter of goloris & vivian as was indicated in the beginning of the bbc show merlin.  

vi: only a mad man hears the truth as treason.

&. morgana pendragon – alternative, following the show canon verse.

vi: a modern lady.

&. this verse will pertain to any timelines where morgana is in modern times or has been reincarnated. 

vi: a princess of circumstances.

&. a verse where morgana is adopted into the pendragon family in modern times.

vi: bridergton

&. bridgerton verse tba

vi: rwrb verse

&. rwrb verse tba

[gb-patch]

Hi, the 'refund ask' person here. Please don't feel pressured to give an answer, I just want to clarify and apologize for a few things, for whoever is behind this acc, reading and taking their time to give detailed answers :)

First, I am sorry, truly, for coming across as a rude person who would scam a small business, and such valuable creators and artists. It was not my intention. I didn't think of it in the moment, I didn't even think that my question would be answered. (Which obviously changes nothing because you would still read it, and it apparently took me a while to realize, but you are a real person. A personal 'sorry' here.)

Like you said, it definitely was an 'it doesn't hurt to ask' mindset that I wrote the question with. Thank you for assuming I meant well, I really did. But I do see my fault now, so really, really thanks for taking your time to explain it in detail. In retrospect, no matter how 'well' I meant, I was in the wrong. To put it mildly, I was ignorant. It feels stupid to say it, but I guess I needed to hear from someone that I couldn't just give someone money, take what they're offering, and ask for my money back. It wasn't how I viewed my question then, but it definitely is now. Also, they might not see this, but a sincere thank-you to the other people who commented on my ask, for making me see how wrong my words sounded when they weren't just in my head. It was a lesson learned, to say the least.

Also, please understand that I didn't mean to say it wasn't worth $5 for 'just a moment', even though I did say it that way. I see how I could've worded that differently. Each and every moment of the story is super important to me, and believe me, I do think thay they all are worth way more than what you're charging, or mostly, not charging. However, it was silly and greedy to ask you to just give away even more of those beautifully made moments. Of course it is your right to charge for your hard work, and I am actually glad you're doing so.

I know it doesn't change anything, or take back what I previously said (no matter how much I wish it could) but I really wanted to make sure you didn't think there was someone in your audience who would be willing to scam you and even shamelessly ask for permission to see if they could. Again, not the intention at all.

Finally, it is actually so nice to see that a small company like yours has a lot of supporters willing to defend it. My question definitely wasn't a scam attempt, but if it were, I'm so glad to see that it wouldn't succeed or go unnoticed.

I will keep on supporting you, albeit silently for the time being, and playing your games for as long as I can. Our Life is an absolute delight of an experience, it inspired me a bunch, helped me through some tough moments in my own life, and is a game that is far more than just a game to me. I can't wait to see what you put out there next. You guys are some of the best out there in my opinion. Love what you do, love the way you communicate with your audience, and love how you handle crises like this. Hope you all have very nice lives where you can create to your heart's content :)

Sorry for the drama I caused, and sorry again, bc this ask is too long :) Thank you for reading.

It's alright. You don't need to apologize. I'm happy you were sympathetic to where I was coming from and that's all I would want. You didn't upset me or cause me any harm and I absolutely don't want you feel unwelcome over asking a question. It took years to make a game that could make people happy, but in only minutes I can sour the experience for people forever with what I post in these ask answers. I hope to avoid that as much as possible.

Not long before you sent your answer, there was another ask about this that was understanding of your situation.

"Im NOT that anon but I'm kind of sad how many other anons are judging them and seem to be a bit eurocentric? not everyone who plays these games have the same currency or similar currency conversiom rate as someone whos family is from venezuela, $5 is barely enough to buy flour, rice, and fish so what may seem like pocket change to you might be all someone else could live on. scummy would be to do so without ask. just disappointed bc i thought this community was more open-minded"

I agree that money is a difficult thing to get and people can't be blamed for not being able, or simply not wanting, to use it on visual novel content. Though, it is also a sore spot for artists who are very familiar with people who flat out devalue their time/effort and think there's no reason to pay for it. It can be hard to always take the question of 'can I get your hard work for free?' with no frustration. But that wasn't the intention of the original question.

If it the question had gotten a different type of response people wouldn't have felt the need to come to my defense over it. At the end of the day, I'm the one who could've avoided this and answered the question in a way that left the asker and the other readers satisfied/informed. It went too far this time.

It's always hard to know how to manage these situations. When a question comes along about a touchy topic but I think it's important to answer, I try to make it definitive and also to make clear that this doesn't open the gates for future asks about this. If I don't, then inevitably more asks come in and I either have to keep addressing/arguing a topic or ignoring them without explanation. It can make a development blog about posting previews a pretty unpleasant place. But if I use one ask to make an overall statement, it can come across unnecessarily strong against the single question the asker sent in.

To the OP, I'm sorry for making you feel like what you did was a huge mistake. It really wasn't. It was a just question over a policy that was intended as neutral and ended up with extra meaning put on it because of outside circumstances/other people's prior and potential actions. I hope you're able to feel reassured after all of this.

And the last thing I'll say is that future asks commentating about the situation won't be posted.

Thank you again for playing!

[wheeler-beretta-harwood]

Meant to be (Cash Wheeler x Reader)

Chapter Three

"Well?" Dax asked Cash as soon as he opened the door to the locker room.

Dax wouldn't admit it, but he was beyond excited that Cash was back on the dating scene - at least that's what he thought it was. He was still surprised at his tag team partner's choice though. However, the more he had thought about it, the more it seemed logical: Throughout the years, Cash seemed to be only attracted to one type and one type only. The bad thing was, they were either in it for his money and fame, or the moment Cash truly opened up to them, they left. And truth be told, Cash wasn't easy to love. He was very guarded and rarely let his walls come down. It took him years of working together until he finally shared his story and let him in on his thoughts. You, however, seemed different, not just by looks, also by the way you carried yourself. Never had he seen you trying to get anything going with any of your richer, more famous co-workers. You didn't fawn over every guy that crossed your way. On the contrary, you seemed to not want any business with any of the guys.

"Well what?" Cash tried to keep it down, but there was a small, almost serene smile gracing his lips.

"How'd it go? You seem to be....satisfied."

"It went.....it was good. She's nice."

"Good? Nice? Don't try to play it cool now, man. Your face is telling a different story." Dax got up and walked to the other man to pat him on the shoulder. "Look, I am glad you're back in the saddle. Especially after what happened last time...." he trailed off and immediately regretted the fact that he brought his ex up. He saw the smile leaving Cash's features to be replaced by a frown. It still hurt him, he could tell.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to....You know, Y/N is different. I can tell. When are you going to see her again?" He smiled a little, trying to lighten up the mood that he had so harshly ruined himself.

"Friday."

"Good. Now let's go to Best Friends and talk over our match. Maybe you wanna impress Y/N tonight." With these words, Dax opened the door, waiting for Cash to come along with him.

"Yup, I feel like I need to hit a good Uppercut tonight." With these words, Cash's facial expressions changed again, turning the frown into a smile.

He definitely wanted to impress you.

-----------------------------------

Friday couldn't arrive fast enough for your liking. You were so busy on Wednesday evening that you didn't get the chance to meet Cash after his match. But you were beaming. Of course, you had watched FTR vs Best Friends. How could you not. And when Cash was outside the ring, hitting Chuck Taylor with a massive European Uppercut and winking at the camera, your smile grew even bigger. Emma, who stood next to you, noticed it too.

"You like when he does that, huh? But then, you like anything he does in the ring. Even the mean stuff."

You chuckled a little at Emma's comment and simply nodded your head. She had no idea what was going on, that the 'mean stuff' they were doing in the ring was part of being a heel. She simply didn't care for wrestling the way you did. She worked there for the money and because she would travel across the country.

When you made your way to the cafeteria to meet with Cash on Friday, you noticed Dax lingering in front of the entrance, leaning against the wall. When he saw you approach, he stood up straight and cleared his throat.

"Hi Dax. Have you been waiting for me? Do you need anything?"

"Hey Y/N. In fact, yes I need to talk to you for a second." The tone in his voice made it clear that this wasn't going to be a sweet little talk among friends.

You patiently waited for him to start talking again as he seemed to find the right words.

"Cash is...I think he likes you. But he hasn't made the best experiences so far. I guess what I'm trying to say is: don't lead him on. I don't know what your intentions are but please be honest with him. He deserves that." Dax knew that it was in fact him who had put the doubt back in Cash's head, and just after the first date, so naturally he felt bad, but also overprotective of his best friend. Plus, he knew he was being an ass to you right now because he honestly thought you were different from Cash's ex, but he needed to be sure.

A small 'okay' was all that left your lips, your excitement for the meet-up having abruptly faded. Did these two really think you had bad intentions with Cash? What were they talking and thinking about you? You didn't even initiate this whole thing, and now you're the manipulative one? You felt yourself grow angry, no, it wasn't anger. You were hurt. If you were alone right now, you'd turn on your heels and leave Cash waiting. But Dax was here, watching you intently. You HAD to go in there.

When you saw him sitting at his usual table at the Daily's Place cafeteria, your heart was torn. He had two cups of coffee in front of him, which you found adorable. But Dax's words just kept ringing in your ears. Over and over.

"Hey, how have you been?"

"Hey Cash, great, I've been just great." Sarcasm dripping from your voice as you replied.

Cash noticed, but couldn't make anything out of it. Maybe you just had a bad day. It happens.

"I got you a coffee. Didn't know if you wanted sugar or not, so there's two sugars in there...?" He smiled, growing nervous

"Thanks, but I don't put sugar in my coffee." You knew you were being a bitch to him, but you couldn't help it. You were regretting to let this whole book club thing get started in the first place. You should have just said no and continued with your normal, lonely life. It wasn't half bad. At least better than internally fuming with a man you were crushing on after just one date. And it wasn't even a real date.

"Oh, sorry, I'll get you another one." It took you a moment to realize what he was talking about and as he got up you quickly answered.

"No, no need to. Listen. I have a lot to do today and I haven't been feeling so good. I don't want to waste our time right now when I'm not fully paying attention. Sorry." You said as you got up yourself.

"Oh, okay. Maybe then on the next Dynamite?" Cash was visibly disappointed on how this went down, but he didn't want to push you to talk about what was wrong. You didn't know each other that well. Yet.

"Yeah, maybe another time." You vaguely replied as you started to walk away.

"Hey, did you see the Uppercut on Wednesday?" Cash started again, not wanting you to leave so soon. When you turned around, you couldn't help but notice the hopeful look in his eyes.

"I did. It was beautiful. Well executed, Mr. Wheeler." Although you were sad, you smiled at him while answering. His smile was matching yours, genuine and hurt at the same time.

As you left the cafeteria, you were deep in thought.

He couldn't possibly think you were such a bitch and then do all those cute little things for you, could he? What had happened to the man that he was this doubtful of you? And why were you pissed off that he could have doubts about you when in fact, you doubted him and his intentions all the time?

---------------------------------

For the next few weeks, you successfully dodged any kind of meeting with Cash. At first, you needed time to think about the whole situation. So you skipped eating in the cafeteria in fear of an unplanned run-in with any of the two members of FTR. Luck was on your side too: you had no professional work encounters with the men.

Later, when you realized Cash and Dax stopped looking for you, you mentally closed the folder of potential romance with Cash Wheeler and started minding your own business again. For some odd reason though, you didn't enjoy reading on your own all that much any more. Guess they ruined that for you, at least for some time.

As you were running some errands for Tony Khan's assistant, you walked into Emma.

"Yo, I ran into our supervisor and she said she needed you in room 154 in ten minutes. Something about a quick meeting you should prepare the room for."

That sounded weird to you. "I am actually working on TK's staff right now, so...why didn't she tell me over headset?"

"How would I know? She just stated that she needed you there. So I guess you better go." Emma just shrugged and left you there.

It's better to check on it quick than get into trouble so you made your way to said room. When you reached it, the door wasn't fully closed. You heard male voices, obviously not your supervisor, but entered anyway, only to come face to face with Dax Harwood.

"Hey Y/N." You were about to turn around and run for your life when you noticed Cash sitting on the table slowly turning his gaze from his phone to you. Not your face, just your general direction.

Dax noticed your intentions as well, so he lightly gripped your wrist. He wouldn't let you run away this time.

"So,I fucked up. Okay? I brought up stuff that I shouldn't have, I said things I shouldn't have, and I fucked it up for you two. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you, Cash, and I didn't mean to insult you, Y/N. I just....I care about this man." He said to you while pointing to Cash. "I have seen some bad shit happening to him, and I want to protect him. He's like my little brother. I do understand that I have crossed a line with the both of you and I am sorry. You two were just starting to have something nice and I immediately ruined that. I am sorry." Dax was now looking at Cash. "Just don't let my grumpy old ass fuck that up for you. I know you are two grown adults, you don't need someone to run your romantic life by. I just want you both to be happy. Again, I am sorry. I won't mess it up for you again." The room was then filled with a silence that was almost unbearable. You could cut the tension with a knife.

"You better not." Cash was the first one to speak, and you appreciated it. You, on the other hand, were unable to find the right words.

Dax simply nodded and left the room, making sure to close the door behind him, so none of you would leave right away.

The both of you looked at each other for a while, no word spoken. When you felt his gaze on you too much, you decided to walk over to the table and sit next to him. Meanwhile, Cash felt nervous now that you were so close to him, so he started fumbling with his hands.

This time, you were the one to say something.  "Do you really think that of me?"

For some moments, Cash remained silent as he wasn't so sure what you meant. When it dawned on him, his eyes grew big. "That you meet up with me for fame and money? Hell no." His answer made you chuckle, but when you turned to face him, you could see the serious expression on his features still prominent.

"Why didn't you tell me what was wrong? What Dax had said to you? First, I was worried when you said you weren't feeling well, and then, when you avoided me like the plague, I was...." He trailed off, not daring to say it out loud.

"You were what, Cash? Hurt? So was I. I thought we had a good time, and then out of the blue, Dax comes and tells me you guys are second guessing me. Right away."

"I've never thought anything bad about you." He stared blankly across the room, basically anywhere but your direction.

You smiled at his comment, it felt good to hear it.

"That's good to know, Cash." You nudged his shoulder with yours, earning a smile from the man next to you.

"And I am sorry for leaving you in the cafeteria back then. I shouldn't have. I didn't know how to react. Maybe you can tell, but I'm not good with people. Social interactions are hard. But I'll try to change that. So next time anything happens, I will tell you. Okay?"

His head turned slowly while taking in every word you just said.

"Next time?"

"Yeah, if you're still up for it, I mean. If you don't want to, it's fine too. It's just...reading isn't as much fun without you."

This time it was his turn to nudge your shoulder. "So.....Wednesday, cafeteria?"

"Wednesday, cafeteria." You repeated his words while hopping off the table, making your way to the door. He quickly followed behind you and you two made your way while talking about wrestling.

Down the hallway, in the opposite direction, Emma was raising her hand for a high-five with Dax. He didn't make a move. "Come on, you know you wanna do it, Dax!" He shook his head and left Emma hanging.

He was just relieved he didn't completely mess this up.

Chapter Four

[hypermania]

Thoughts on people saying Misha experienced homophobia on the set of Supernatural even though he's straight?

i wasn't going to answer this because i'm pretty sure it's just bait but fuck it.

first:

i think that you should take someone at their word when they tell you how they identify, no matter what. i think if someone says they're straight, even if they're only saying it because they happen to be in the closet, it's still your job to take it as truth. you don't know someone better than they know themselves and you don't know why someone is identifying the way they are. it's not your job—or your right—to second-guess them.

i think that how someone currently identifies has no bearing on how they used to identify or how they will identify in the future. things can change and that doesn't make someone a liar. i also don't think that a person's sexual history is demonstrative of their sexual orientation or gender identity.

so, with all that in mind:

misha collins has said publicly and with intent at least twice now that he is a heterosexual man. so i'm going to believe him. but courtney! he also said he was bisexual. you're absolutely right, he did say that, and while him saying that was meant to be a joke (and it was, whether or not he actually identified as bisexual at the time, the comment was a joke) i took him at his word when it happened. he has since retracted it and i'm taking him at his word for that too. i'm not going to try to interpret any "signaling" or "flagging" or "clues" i think i've decoded as another queer person. (and somewhat relatedly: he put on a dress like two times. stop saying he's gender-nonconforming just because he isn't crushing beer bottles against his forehead.). point is: i'm choosing to believe he's a straight man because that's what he has said he is.

and straight people don't experience homophobia. i think the term people have been forgetting in this discussion is "toxic masculinity." misha collins, and honestly probably every single other person who's ever stepped foot on that set, was a victim of toxic masculinity.

but here's the thing about that: i think a large part of this fandom wants to paint misha as a victim of something, anything really, so badly because if he's not the victim, it must mean he's the perpetrator and that he's a horrible no-good evil piece of shit and everything he ever did was a lie.

but that's not how the real world works. misha did a lot of good. he fought for queer rep on the show and he raised a lot of money for the community and he made a lot of people feel loved and accepted. those things are all still true. they don't just go away because he doesn't identify as queer himself. but that doesn't mean that he has never been part of the problem. he has made homophobic (and misogynistic) jokes. he has! he just has. (and side note: i would really love it if people could stop painting him as a victim of the all the other evil men involved with supernatural. misha is a rich white dude. if he didn't want to keep going back, he didn't have to. he chose to continue to be a part of that set and he is still choosing to carry on personal relationships with a lot of those people. stop infantilizing him and acting like he's just a poor widdle baby getting bullied. he's a grown man and he makes his own choices.)

anyway, my point is that it's not all-or-nothing. he did good and he did bad and those are not mutually exclusive and they don't cancel each other out.

there are people who are feeling hurt and/or upset and that's valid. they thought he was "safe" and it turns out he was making a joke out of their sexuality, and even if it wasn't malicious, even if it was meant to be inclusive, it was still a joke and sometimes that hits a little too close to home.

but the people who are saying he's either total homophobic scum OR just a poor little victim uwu that got bullied by the real homophobes—i'm sorry but please grow up.

i think as of march we had 16 states pushing "don't say gay" bills and there are currently 35 states with at least one anti-trans bill being pushed. misha collins is just a flawed human trying to do good, who happens to have fucked up. the memes were entertaining but we have got way more important things to worry about right now.

[jonnnysuh]

Never Not - Park Jinyoung

Pairing: idol!Jinyoung x gender neutral reader

Summary: Your bad day is turned around when your childhood best friend, Jinyoung, returns to your hometown and takes you on a tour of your favourite memories together.

Genre: angst, fluff, friends to lovers

Warnings: suggested sexual experience

Word Count: 4.3k

Requested by: Anon

A/N: Hi guysssss. I took a small break from tumblr bc I got super busy with work. I haven’t written something like this in a while, but I actually loved how it turned out. I recommend listening to Never Not by Lauv to get into the mood <33

Effort was hard to make these days. Even the way you walked had an unmistakable slouch. Your exhaustive strides were just a shallow reminder that there used to be a hop in your step. Five more minutes and you were free from the shackles of work. Free to figure out what to make for dinner, and appease the gurgles of your stomach.The seconds on the point of sale system didn't seem to move fast enough as you folded the customer's final item and shoved it into a bag.

When you were a kid, no one told you how exhausting being an adult was, and thus it became something to look forward to. You were so caught up on getting that first kiss, sneaking out to go to parties, seeing people that your parents didn't approve of, that you didn't realize that life didn't slow down from there. It was like you blinked, and you were no longer 16. Instead, you were twenty-something perpetually feeling like life was just an endless pit of "what ifs" and building up the courage to make something of yourself. Another mindless "Have a good day." escaped your lips as you bid a customer bye for the nth time that day. You wondered how many of your years would waste away telling others to have a good day, when you yourself hadn't had one in a while.

You pressed your fingers against your temple to sooth a small growing headache. Working in retail for as long as you had, you knew that the s-curved line of people didn't stop for your discomfort. With a fake smile on your face, you welcomed the next few customers as your eyes wandered around the store looking for the person who was going to take over for the next hour. Fifteen minutes past the hour, your replacement finally came. Externally, you wanted to scream and ask them what took you so long? but you knew that would only make you as good as the worst customer. Graciously, you nodded at them, before walking away to the back room to fetch your things and head out.

...

You stood against the wall at the bus shelter shivering from the cool summer breeze that was disguising just how rapidly autumn was truly coming. Today probably wasn't the best day to forget your coat.  You rubbed your arms for warmth, taking micro footsteps in place.  The pain in your feet made you romanticize the comfort of the sturdy old bus seats as a place of rest. You felt your phone in your pocket vibrate, but you let it ring out. You were determined to get a seat on this bus. A deep sigh escaped you as you surveyed the density of the crowd on the platform- the ride home was definitely going to be longer than usual. When the bus arrived, you queued behind a long line of people. Your phone rang a second time, at this point the crowd was getting larger and you knew you weren't going to get a seat on this bus.

PRIVATE CALLER 

"Hello?" you pressed your phone to your ear. Sometimes your mother used phone booths to reach you, so you expected her voice to be on the other end of the line. "I'm offended I had to call you twice for you to pick up."  The voice was much deeper, and the delivery much more lighthearted than anything that would've came out of your mother.  The absence of a greeting was distinct and direct, but no matter, you knew exactly who this was.

You felt the tenseness of your shoulders drop with just the sound of this voice. "If I had definitely known it was you, I wouldn't have picked up, Mr. Private caller." you jest with the phone  pressed between your ear and the crook of your shoulder.

"You know, I was gonna suggest that I pick you up, but just for that comment, I change my mind."

You poke your tongue at your cheek, coyly. For all the changes that occurred in your life, for some reason you could depend on Jinyoung's quick wit and humour to hit the spot even after all this time.

"That's fine, I just finished work so I was thinking of just going home anyways."  You had no idea he was even back in South Korea. Last you heard, he was on tour somewhere in North America. More than that, you couldn't even remember when the last time you actually talked was. You were curious about what he was up to these days, but you you knew any hint of urgency in your voice would lead to incessant teasing on his part. The line progressed slightly, but you still didn't feel any closer to the entrance of the bus.

  "I'm about to get on a bus home." 

"Well, don't get on." 

"If I don't get on then you're gonna have to repay me for the fare I paid to even get here." You eyed the bus reaching its capacity, and stepped aside. You twisted your fingers in hope that he was being 100% serious, otherwise you were going to have to wait out for the 6:30pm bus.

"I can't believe the cost of your attention is only $2. Do better." the voice quipped. 

"Okay, Jinyoung I guess I'll just get on, then." you threatened, although you had no intention of boarding the departing bus.

"Fine, fine. I'll pay for your fare. Just wait for me."

...

The sky had darkened tenfold since you hung up from Jinyoung's impromptu call. The streetlights glowed gold against the lavender backdrop of the sky. You sat on the bus shelter bench, swinging your feet back and forth as you waited for him. If he took even a minute longer, you vowed to somehow become the president of the Park Jinyoung hate club. Of course, you wouldn't actually, but the idea became more appealing the longer you waited. 

You weren't one to go on spontaneous outings- at least not since your teenage years. Recently, you followed the strict routine of work, home, sleep, and to stray from it seemed pointless. But the fact that he even thought of you when he came back home to South Korea was still not something you could wrap your head around.

In the distance, a glow of headlights appeared, stopping perfectly adjacent to your bus stop. The window rolled down, and there appeared Jinyoung's face in all its glory. To say all the words in your vocabulary disappeared would be an understatement. A part of you doubted he would even follow through. Without missing a beat, he returned a look to you. "You just gonna stare at me, or are you gonna get in the car?"

...

Your backpack was sitting atop your lap, bouncing with the movement of the car. Jinyoung hung one hand over the steering wheel. The orange and purple of the sky twisting, and creating a brand new colour that only seemed to grace the skies at this hour. The music was unidentifiable, but the volume was low enough that you didn't even bother trying to figure it out.

"So what'd you do today?" he asked. 

"I worked, I told you that." you replied, matter-of-factly.

"And how was it?"

"I honestly can't tell the difference between this week and last week. Or even last month. Same old, same old. Annoying customers, stale lunch, forgot my jacket at home even though it's 15 fucking degrees outside." 

"Do you still work at that clothing store you started at when we were 20?"

  Your eyes shifted, following the ever-changing scenery of the highway. No idea where he was bringing you, and yet you were brought to comfort by Jinyoung's habits.  You knew he didn't have a drug deal, or a random party planned.  Jinyoung was always the type to be home before midnight. He was a self-proclaimed goody-two-shoes, but you weren't completely fooled. You knew he could bend the rules if it seemed to serve him.

  "That exact same one."

 "Anything else?"

  You looked at him, the shock settling in that he was really right next to you-- no longer just a figure on a billboard that you used to know. The changes of his physicality were subtle; his face was more defined, but his cheeks still carried the baby fat that had been there since childhood. The shadow of his facial hair loomed on his smooth skin. The mole on the top of his lip, not necessarily gone, but faded. He looked older, but the aura of his presence remained the same.

"And then I was dumb enough to get into a car with a stranger because he said he'd give me $2."

Jinyoung side eyed you, causing you to erupt in laughter. His glare was also unchanging. "Stranger? Your memory's fading already?" He shook his head disappointedly. "I thought you still had a few good years left."

  "Oh yeahhhhhh. Sorry Jinyoungie. Didn't recognize you with all the fame." you pinched and pulled on his ear- both things a relic of your grade school years. When you were kids, you never let him forget the age gap. Granted, it was only 3 days, but that gave you the freedom to refer to him however you pleased, while he was stuck with the honorifics.

As you let go, the curve of his ear flushed red. "OWW.” he cried, swatting your hand away. “You’re lucky I’m driving otherwise I would pull your hair.”

Being raised with Jinyoung meant that you were inseparable but kind of in the worst way. If Jinyoung got  a good mark on a test, his parents would immediately flaunt it to yours. If you wanted to sneak out, he was on your tail telling you to go back home. And if he knew you liked someone, then that person would know soon enough by the words of Jinyoung. All of that warranted ear pulling, and if you did something in retaliation he would pull your hair.

He was one of the few people in your life, who encapsulated a certain time of your life.  The time in your life when you were young, and the world felt so big and everything was possible.

  The car rocked back and forth as it shifted into the elevated ramp of a parking lot. Your eyes widened as you realized where you were.  He lingered in his seat before popping his seatbelt off and exiting the car. You followed him, swinging the passenger door open.

  "So you randomly called me because you wanted to hang out at the...convenience store?" you gestured to the old, orangey building. The bricks were chipped, and the fluorescent lights illuminated the outside through the big glass window.  You remember the days when you and Jinyoung would sit on the parking blocks and split a bag of chips until you were chased off the property by the owner. He pulled on the store door, pressing his back to it and letting you enter first. 

"Well, I wasn't going to come here until you started yanking my ears. That's when I knew you were hungry."

Without stopping, you weaved through the store until you reached aisle 3- the snack aisle had become a home to you and Jinyoung when you were growing up. In grade school, you were both fearful of what was beyond the boundaries of your home and school so you indulged in after school snacks at the convenience to talk about the latest happenings in your life. As you aged, it became the place of solace after exams, or the meetup location for last minute plans.

  He picked up a package of gummy worms, and shook them in your face. "Do you remember what happened the last time we ate theseeee?" Jinyoung smirked. For a moment, you were taken aback by how much he had grown. In your teens, you and Jinyoung met eye to eye. Now, you felt like you had to look up at him in order to be taken seriously.

  You crossed your arms, "Yeah, we ate them in the parking lot and you made me confess who I had a crush on." 

"Chan, right?" 

You nodded, with a sulk as you reminisced. "That wasn't fair."

 "Why? Do you still have a crush on him?" 

"I haven't thought about him in so long. You really think I'd have a lingering crush on a guy I haven't seen in years?"

Jinyoung shrugged, and shifted his feet. "You had a huge crush on him, though. You even stared at him like this." He rested his palm to his cheek, letting out a deep sigh while trying to maintain an enamoured expression. You snorted, hitting him on the chest. "You'd write his name all over your notebooks AND you bullied me into giving you one of my new ones." he added.

You let out a belly laugh. "And then I wrote his name all over that one too."

Jinyoung rolled his eyes. "They were premium quality notebooks. My aunt sent me them from the states!"

 "You had a kabillion of them. Besides, you pestered me for-like-ever to know who I liked, but you never even told me who you had a crush on." You grabbed the bag of gummy worms from his hand and placed it in your shopping basket. Your attention shifted, as you realized you should be in search of your favourite chocolates. You knew that you were far too old to be eating junk food for dinner, but there was something familiar about being hyped up on food that you knew would rot your insides. Your eyes landed on the top row of the wall, and before you could grab your favourite chocolates, Jinyoung stripped it from the wall and dropped it into the basket. He piled on a bag of sour cream and onion chips, and then you both ventured to the drink refrigerators.

  Both of you stared deeply at your drink options. On each level of the fridge, stood several different colourful drinks. If you knew Jinyoung, then you knew he would pick a Coke- it was something he swore by in your younger years. You hummed, mentally deciding between an iced tea or a vitamin water.  You weren't sure why it bothered you when Jinyoung picked up a Sprite, but you tried to hide your dismay. With an ice tea in hand, and a basket full of both of your favourite things, you made your way to the cashier.

  At the last moment, Jinyoung placed a bright yellow umbrella on the checkout counter. He looked down at you, surely, “You never know when it’s gonna rain.”

...

The following car ride to your next destination only lasted about 3 minutes before he parked on the side of the road and dragged you down the street, with the plastic bag full of your foods in hand. 

"I should've known you were going to bring me here." you said, strolling down the familiar gravel pathway towards your elementary school. All colour in the sky had disappeared now, finding it hard to see anything but the outline of each other and some features.

  Both of you settled on the grass field, onlooking the tall school building that was the foundation of your formal years. As soon as you opened the bag of chips, you found yourselves deep in conversation, talking about what life had been for him the last few years. You couldn't help but be in awe when he explained the rush he got when he got on stage, and how he got anxiety when he thought he wasn’t doing his best.  The candidacy of his thoughts drew you in and you were surprised that he trusted you with his secrets. 

All these years, you had always wondered what he was up to, if he was living a life far better than the one he left at home.  To everyone else, he was this huge pop star that had travelled the world 3 times over, but to you, he was your best friend who left home at 16. You had seen him through the bad hair phases, the adolescent temper tantrums, the voice cracks, and the questionable fashion choices both your parents had put you in.

  He leaned back on his arms as he gazed at the school. "Are you afraid of change?" You were silent for a moment as you thought. "On a scale of 1-10?" you rocked your head back and forth. "It's a 15."

Jinyoung raised his eyebrows. You held your legs to your chest, and looked at him. "Why?"

He opened his mouth, but quickly closed it and looked smugly in the other direction. "Heyyy." you poked him repeatedly. "You can't just ask me that and not tell me why."

He enclosed his hand around your finger, forcing your poking to come to a halt. It felt like he was studying your face. Never in your life had you ever felt like you were under the scope of Jinyoung's gaze. The darkness of the sky acted as a mask, hiding your blushing face.

"It was the last thing I asked you before I left." he admitted. "I asked you that when things were about to change big time for us… I always wondered if you resented me for leaving you behind."

  The last day before Jinyoung left to become a full-time trainee, you two snuck on to this very same field. Both of you ran across the grass, picking up dandelions; believing that if you gathered enough and blew on them, that they would fuel your wishes.

  “You thought I could resent you?” He nodded. “Well, for starters, I hate your guts.” You replied sarcastically, causing him to look at the ground with embarrassment and your face softened at the sight of it.

  “You know what I wished for on all of those dandelions, Jinyoung?”

 “Not to fail the math exam.” Even in a soft moment, he couldn’t help but be sly. “No!” You exclaimed. 

“Well, you should’ve. You got a 48.” He sensed your killer look on him. “So what’d you wish for?”

You played with your fingers. You thought you’d take this secret to the grave. “I wished that you’d be successful in whatever you chose to do.” His eyes enlarged, alarmed at your confession. “but maybe I should’ve wished for the math thing.”

  Jinyoung giggled, inching closer to you so your legs were pressed against each other. 

“What did you wish for?” You asked. He smiled with the side of his mouth, shaking his head. 

“I wished that I’d always find my way back home.” “Oh goddd.” You gagged. “you’re so corny.”

 “What about you, huh? You used your wish on me!” he bellowed, his voice echoing against the school playground. 

“Hey, I might just be the reason why you’re famous.” You fought back.

You flipped your phone over, 7:53, the brightness of it only barely illuminating the dark. You thought about what you would be doing at this moment if you weren’t here, if he hadn’t picked you up.  Mmm probably falling asleep to a tv show. Probably dreading tomorrow. Probably not as happy.

"But what did I say? You know… the first time you asked me that question?” You couldn’t even begin to imagine how 16-year-old you answered.

  "You said you were excited to see who we were going to become.” The words of your younger self were so hopeful, yet your current self felt hopeless. Your expression sank, and Jinyoung offered a small smile to revive it. He felt guilty having asked you the question in the first place.

You sat in silence for a bit, dwelling on the excitement for life that you once had. Where was it? And how could you get it back?

“I feel like I’ve let myself down. I don’t even know who I am now.”

Jinyoung blinked slowly, watching his childhood best friend crumble. He rested a hand on your shoulder.  "I just look at you, and in so many ways you're the same. I still know what makes you laugh, and the way you say things. I can still pick out your favourite snacks, and know you’re gonna pull my ears when I do something to piss you off.” he yanked on yours softly. "Everything about you feels just how I left you. I feel my youth when I'm with you. But at the same time I’m comforted by how much you’ve changed.”

“I don’t think I’ve changed much.”

“You don’t see it, do you?” You shook your head no. “Do you remember how scared you were to even leave the house when we were kids? Now you live on your own. You never took anything seriously back then, but you’re now one of the hardest working people I know…” his voice softened. “And you let yourself be vulnerable with me when it used to take hours to drag it out of you.” You laid on his shoulder, and he rested his head on top of yours, snuggling closer. “You fear change, yet you’re changing right before your own eyes. And maybe one day, I’ll come back here, and I won’t even be able to recognize who you’ve become.” You sniffled, the idea of Jinyoung not remembering you broke your heart. You held your chest. “But if that day does come, it’ll be okay. Because I know that the person that you’ve become will have it all figured out.  I’ll always be rooting for every single version of yourself even if it doesn’t include me.” You sobbed quietly, interlocking your fingers with his. He held your hand tightly, rubbing his thumb against the back of your hand. For once, there was an action not done out of habit or relic. It was an action evoked just for this moment, and it was a change that you didn’t mind.

…

Jinyoung held your hand, leading you down a narrow road a few minutes away. The sound of crickets, barking dogs, and distant vehicles could be heard as you stood in the middle of the road of your childhood neighbourhood.

  You hadn’t been here since you moved in 2016. You looked up at the large modern house that sat on what used to be two lots. Yours and Jinyoung’s childhood homes were purchased by a wealthy business man and demolished to build the business man’s dream home. You stared at the foreign house that sat on the place of your childhood dreams and frustrations.

  Jinyoung placed his hands on your shoulders and stopped you at the exact halfway point between what was once his house and your house. You rubbed your arms as a gust of wind rushed by. Without thinking, Jinyoung slipped off his hoodie and placed it on top of your shoulders.

“I remember racing you down this street.” You piped up, pointing down the end of the road. Jinyoung always won that race. No one was faster than him on this street.

“I remember finding that stray puppy and fighting over who got to keep it.” He responded.

“It should’ve been me.” You bickered. Jinyoung laughed, amused at how you were always one to hold a grudge.

“Do you remember that day when it started raining soooo hard and we had to walk shoulder to shoulder under my umbrella?”

You nodded. “Ya, that was the same day with the gummy worms, you dummy.”

“So do you remember what happened right here?” He pointed at the exact spot you were standing. You racked your head for a memory, but nothing stood out to you clearly. You shook your head no. “We always said bye to one another here...but…?” you trailed off.

He took a step forward, both of you standing directly under the streetlight now. You watched his face light up as he likely played the moment back in his head. “So that day, standing under my umbrella, we were about to go our separate ways. You turned into me.”

He took another step closer, popping open the bright yellow convenience store umbrella and holding it over your heads.

You could see it now. It was drizzling so hard, even your hair wasn’t protected from getting soaked.   You wrapped your hands around the handle, just like how you did back then. Chest to chest, huddled under the umbrella. Jinyoung locked eyes with you, your heart beat faster.

“And you looked at me, and I swear I was going to say everything I wanted to tell you right then and there.” Your mouth opened in shock. “This was the place where I almost told you I loved you.”

You studied the eyes of the boy you watched grow up. He looked scared, but sure. There was no doubt in your mind that Jinyoung meant what he said. He lowered the umbrella, not letting his gaze veer from you.

  Your life was just a build up of what if’s and trying to gain the courage to make something of yourself… but you didn’t want that anymore. With your heart beating out of control, you leaned into him, taking the risk and kissing his lips. He wrapped his arms around your waist, deepening the heat of the kiss.

A round of thunder boomed above you, and little by little, raindrops began to pour from the sky.

You and Jinyoung separated to look up at the sky. “I did say, you never know when it’s gonna rain.”

You both ran for the car, shoulder to shoulder, under the umbrella. From your heads to your toes, you were soaked in the rain, but neither of you cared. You silently thanked the world for every bad thing that happened to you today that led to this.

…

You blinked your eyes awake, surveying the damp clothes strewn across your living room floor, and the heat of the bare body laying next to you on the couch. You stared at your sleepy childhood best friend, a smile spreading across your lips. This was a change you were ready for. 

[rosierin]

Studying with you

pairing: tsukishima x fem!reader

synopsis: after finding out about your gradually decreasing grades, your teacher urges you to change your studying methods and decides to find you a tutor among the class. shame that tutor is literally the biggest jerk known to man. you swear he knows nothing but insults and that his heart is made of stone. or is it?

genre: fluff

type: oneshot

word count: 1.6k

a/n: i hate love this guy, srsly

"Oi, (y/n). Wake up, we're not finished." 

Your head jerks up and you let out a loud, drawn out groan as your eyes refocus on the man in front of you. He's sneering, same as usual, and you wish you could suddenly go back to dream land where you were happily baking cookies with Hinata and Kageyama. 

Beneath your arms are two gaping algebra textbooks. One is riddled with scribbly notes and an unnecessary amount of pointless doodles, except the one of Tsukishima— scowling with a head drawn way too big compared to the rest of his skinny body. The other is filled with neat, detailed formulas, pastel highlights and all the correct answers which you've been struggling to find for the past two hours.

"I'm up, I'm up, geez.." You yawn with your head still on the table and look up at Tsukishima with drowsy eyes. "You could've woken me up a little nicer, ya know."

"Yeah.. no. How about you hurry up and finish so I can go home?" He looks more than done at this point and huffs, pointing at a formula jotted messily on your paper. "And you got that one wrong again, by the way."

You squint at your work, then realize he was right. "Oh. My bad."

Wanting to get things over with, you get back to work but your eyelids are so heavy it's ridiculous. Not to mention your brainpower has reached its limit.

You can feel your grip on your pen loosen as you try and correct your work but before you know it, your head drops again, only to be jolted awake by a sudden smack to the back of the head with what feels like a textbook.

"What the— Do you mind?!" You snap. 

Tsukishima doesn't react to your outburst in the slightest, just nods to your unfinished work with a look of lazy authority. "Algebra." He stares at you with a deadpan expression when you pout. "Now." 

"Fiiine." You sigh, annoyed that your puppy dog eyes didn't work on Tsukishima. Not that you thought they would. Tsukishima didn't seem like the type to particularly like animals, except maybe for dinosaurs. He had a small keychain of one buried deep within his pencil case, you found. "You know, you'd make a terrible teacher."

This time, it's Tsukishima's turn to yawn, stretching his long limbs and you have to force yourself not to focus on the pull of his lean muscles despite yourself. Then, he turns to look at you with a look of false innocence. "Sorry, go on?"

"I hate you."

"Great. Now ask me if I care."

You suck in through your teeth as you hold back from socking the blonde straight in the face. He's been sassing you non-stop since the beginning of your study session and you'd think you'd be used to his perpetual cocky remarks by now but alas, he was still a huge pain in your ass.

"Where're you going?" You ask as Tsukishima gets up from his chair that's in front of your desk, dusting the eraser shavings off your textbooks.

"Aw. Think you'll miss me?"

You bite your lip down and he notices, smirking contently before deciding to answer: "going to get some water. That question better be finished by the time I get back."

He's gone before you can retort, long legs granting him a quick escape. However halfway down the hallway you hear him add: "or I'll make you do three more."

Great.

"Yessir," you sigh, though you have absolutely no intention of following through.

You glance down at your textbooks for good measure— textbooks which are practically staring at you, and you can picture them with beady little eyes as though they're chanting— soooolve ussss.

You shudder. Man, you really were tired.

"Yeah, no. Sorry, Tsukki."

Pushing your homework aside, unfazed by your salty tutor's threats, you decide it's time for an actual break. You deserved it, right? Yeah, yeah you did. So without second thought, you let your attention drift to the scenery outside instead.

You'd been so focused on your homework (and Tsukishima's sass) that you hadn't even noticed the beautiful sunset that was now setting over the hills of Karasuno High. You always loved the way it looked at this hour, basking the buildings and tall, lush trees in its warm light. It was all too soothing, so soothing that you hadn't even realized you were once more falling asleep, eyeslids fighting to stay open until they finally gave in and what little willpower you had left, left your body.

"Right, time's up. You better be finish—"

The moment Tsukishima walks back into the classroom, eyes settling on your current state— sprawled out on your desk, mouth slightly agape and completely out cold, he's overcome with the urge to sigh.

He walks over to your desk and sits down opposite you, then as he leans his cheek into his palm, he lazily pokes your cheek— once, twice, but gets no reaction in response.

"You've got to be kidding me.." He sighs. But he decides to not bother and wake you up this time. What'd be the point? You clearly weren't in any shape to study and honestly, he didn't have the patience in him anymore to try in case it'd drive him crazy.

For a second he debates just leaving you there, passed out of your classroom desk, but quickly decides against it in case he gets an earful from your parents about leaving you alone or something. The last thing he wants is any extra trouble.

Therefore he agrees, albeit begrudgingly, to let you sleep. Just until you were rested up enough to work again.

⭐

Thirty minutes go by, you're still fast asleep.

During that time, Tsukishima took it upon himself to slip his headphones on and listen to some beats, hazel eyes flitting beyond the window to watch the last of the sunset, hoping it'd make the time go by quicker.

Usually, this would be right up his alley; peace and quiet, chill lofi and a sunset, however when sat on a painfully uncomfortable, wooden chair rather than his comfy and plump single bed, the experience was significantly less appealing. Therefore, after trying to find a comfortable sitting position and failing for the fourth time he decides to take his headphones off and focus back on his studies— he might as well, only when he reaches for his pen, he realizes it isn't there.

Amber eyes scan the table. Usually it'd be in his pencil case; he doesn't remember taking it ou—

Ah, never mind. It all makes sense when he sees it. Not in his pencil case after all, but balanced precariously between your fingers.

He rolls his eyes.

Why didn't she just use her own pen?

Reaching for it, he attempts to pull it out of your grasp only to freeze when you begin to stir.

He doesn't know why at this point— he could just wake you up, that's what he'd initially planned. But now, for some reason, there's something that prevents him from doing so. Maybe it had something to do with the way you were sleeping so peacefully.

He tries to pull at his pen again— gently— but this time, it isn't you stirring that makes him seize up, but the way your index and middle finger hook around his own.

His brain stutters.

Well, this is new.

Tsukishima's back straightens an awkward amount, completely unsure of what to do. Nothing like this has ever happened to him before. He becomes painfully aware of that. He's also painfully aware that you could possibly wake up while holding him like this.

Thankfully, you don't. And although the tenseness of his body is beginning to hurt, he still takes the time to admire your sleeping form.

You're laying crossed armed, head nestled between them, facing him. He watches your body rise and fall ever so gently, can almost hear your quiet breaths. It's picturesque, almost; the way your hair glows beneath the bright full moon. Unknowingly, his thumb twitches nearer, gravitating towards the warmth of your hand and he can almost feel—

"Enjoying yourself there?"

Suddenly he's frozen. Though it only lasts a second, for the next he's already retracted his hand, folding it under his arm like it was never there to begin with.

"Wh— How long have you been awake?"

"Long enough," you say, smiling curiously at him and for once the tables have been turned; the teased having become the teaser. "So you can be nice sometimes."

Tsukishima's expression is anything but impressed as you mock him, his face caught between confused and annoyed, and dare you say even a little bit embarrassed? He's quick to shake it off though, sparing himself of any sly comment as he regains his usual cool demeanor.

"Please. You're the one who grabbed me first," he scoffs.

"But you didn't try to move," you shoot back.

There's a strange atmosphere that settles in the room as your mishief-glinting eyes bore into his, and Tsukishima doesn't dare talk back for once, having been robbed of all witty comebacks. He hates being at a loss for words, but he hates even more so, the beginnings of a grin forming on your features, one that he knows is a result of his shortcomings.

"Whatever, (y/n) just pack up your stuff. We're done for the night," he says as he himself starts tidying his belongings.

You chuckle then nod your head. "Sure thing, sensei."

"...don't call me that."

"Sensei."

"Urgh, shut up."

⭐

⭐

⭐

Later that night, when you're lying in bed, ready to fall asleep, your eyes snap open as your phone buzzes underneath your pillow. You pull it out and press the home button, wondering who could possibly be texting you at this hour. When you do, you're surprised when it's Tsukishima's ID that pops up.

He had sent one message:

"Oh and by the way, you drool when you sleep."