#play this at my motherfucking funeral

[curtvilescomic]

Five Finger Death Punch - Burn MF (featuring Rob Zombie) - Official Lyri...

[threeacttragedy]

Entry 18: The One Where Two Roads Diverged in a Wood of GIFs and Written Words

“Lukola Crisis Hotline. How may I be of service?”

Me: Houston, we have a problem.

Dad: Do tell!

Me: You won’t believe who showed up last night! –

Dad: Oh, my goodness! Oh, my goodness! Whoa! I don’t know what to say! Wait – let me grab my Coke and my smokes. <waiting> Okay, I’m back. So, Misty appeared out of nowhere with Thang?! Well, this just got fun! <laughing>

For clarity’s sake, my father tends to give everyone a pet name. Some of the pet names are funny; some are quite cruel. But if they help him remember who the players are in this fandom (and in any other situation), I’m game to play along. Plus, his pet names tend to add a little comedy relief to whatever is being discussed, especially when it is not an outwardly funny subject.

In Lukola-Land, Luke is “Thang” (it’s actually “Thing” – as in the hand from The Addams Family – but my dad’s accent muddles the pronunciation into “Thang”); Nicola is “Ireland,” for obvious reasons; Antonia is “Misty,” for, umm, the Clint Eastwood movie, “Play Misty for Me;” and Jake is – well, Jake is actually just “Jake” because my father finds the USS Jakola offensive. In fact, when I was discussing the recent fandom events with him on Friday evening, my dad was genuinely shocked to learn the Jakolas still existed. His pet name for the Jakolas is “Fucking Stupid,” by the way.

Moving on to the matter at hand –

There’s been so much “noise” over the past few weeks that, when taken collectively, it is rather eye-opening. We’ve got Luke’s mother posting on Facebook about “Luke’s girlfriend…from Cyprus.” The leaked funeral video and photos (by allegedly Luke’s family). The Best in Show pap pictures of Nicola and Jake. The “just friends” interview. The disappearance of Jake (because he’s rehearsing for a play) and the sudden reemergence of Antonia.

If you’ve noticed from my recent entries on this blog, I have obviously found most of what has happened of late to be comical and not worth putting into written word. Instead, my thoughts have been dumped into GIF stories. To be honest, I was rather disappointed I couldn’t put this last part – Antonia emerging from the misty edges of the forest – entirely into a GIF story. Her reappearance was like a certain Bond villain coming back to life for the seventh time. In other words, it was total cringe. But it also altered an otherwise slow burning campfire into a motherfucking forest fire.

Me: Thoughts?

Dad: I need some time to think about this one – and a cigarette. Or two. Call me back in 15 minutes.

“Psychotic Fan Rescue Center, at your service.”

Me: You’re a dumbass.

Dad: <laughing> Well, this is insane. It makes no sense and it’s a convoluted mess. Why bring Misty back? She was killed off two seasons ago.

Me: No shit, Sherlock.

Dad: Hell, maybe this has all been a nest of vipers.

A nest of vipers? Ah, yes, the idea that we have a group of venomous snakes thrown into the same close-quartered trench – in an every-man-for-himself type situation – each taking strikes at the others whenever their backs are turned.

In Entries 1, 13, and 15 – with an emphasis on “Entry 13: The One Where the Ashes Blew Towards Us with the Salt Wind from the Sea” – I wrote about what the Lutonia narrative could look like, if real. I will not rehash in detail those entries here, but I will link them at the end of this entry if you want to read, or reread, them.

Now, the General Audience almost certainly didn’t pay a lick of attention to Antonia when she appeared alongside Luke at the Boss event held January 30 (she’s always just been a Face in the Crowd). But the sudden reappearance of Antonia stopped the Lukolas dead in their tracks because – like my dad said – she was seemingly killed off two seasons ago.

The Lukolas have suddenly found themselves at an intersection of confusion and, likely, a bit of distress. The long and winding road we’ve been traveling along has diverged into two paths – and, no, you cannot travel both.

The problem with the Lutonia narrative has always been that Luke has never formally acknowledged Antonia as his girlfriend. In fact, Luke had the perfect opportunity to do so when he posted about the Boss event on his Instagram grid – but he did not. I could rationalize the idea that Luke and Antonia wanted to keep their relationship private after the Papsmear misstep if it weren’t for the fact that Antonia has been historically loud in her social media posts. We spent the summer and fall with insinuation post after insinuation post from Antonia. Yes, all those posts that alluded to her being with Luke without any actual evidence that she was, in fact, with Luke. By the time Antonia got to “Pasta-gate” in mid-November, the Lukola fandom barely even blinked before dismissing her as, well, the antagonist from “Play Misty for Me.” And this leads to something even more problematic for the USS Lutonia – Luke has never rescued Antonia from being ridiculed and torn apart by the fandom. My dad would call – and has called – Luke a cad for this.

Jumping to the other side of this misshapen triangle, we have Nicola and her Assassin (my dad’s pet name for JVN). Assuming Lutonia is real, the only logical answer for Nicola’s behavior is that she has spent months trolling Luke, Antonia, and <gasp> the fandom. Nicola herself has admitted to being chronically online and, at a minimum, being aware of fan edits – so much so that during the London premiere she commented that she and Luke “can’t do anything” without the fandom reacting to it. Therefore, I will call “foul” on anyone who tries to persuade me that Nicola was unaware of, at a minimum, how the Lukola fandom had reacted to the Claddagh ring, Chaos Week, and the October airplane posts. JVN openly mocking Antonia on social media with, for example, their Slick Back Bun routine only added fuel to this fire.

For shits and giggles – and so I can get to the bend in this road – we will roll with my dad’s “Nest of Vipers” theory for a moment. We will concede that Lutonia is real, which, in my opinion, makes Luke the absolute worst boyfriend in London and Antonia a woman who doesn’t mind being treated like roadkill. It also, unfortunately, makes Nicola and Fan Favorite JVN come off like online bullies – with the only plausible reasoning for the bullying being that Luke and Nicola are at odds with each other. No, I take that back – they’re not at odds with each other – they’re seemingly at war with each other. I’ll even amp this up a bit and throw in the suggestion that, assuming Lutonia is real, Netflix & Co. is aware of the strife between its two Polin actors and are protecting their asset with blurred Polin-Lukola posts to pacify the fandom. Dun-Dun-DUNN! And yes! That was a sly nod to Jake.

Me: Thanks for that. You just made Luke into an absolute prick and gave Antonia’s starring role in “Play Misty for Me” to Nicola.

Dad: Hey, I’m not the one who dug up Misty! That was all Thang!

Me: Then why does everyone say Luke is the nicest person? Nicola, his co-stars –  

Dad: All lies.

Me: Would you STOP?!

Dad: But I’m serious! Thang could be a complete pig behind closed doors and Ireland could be on the verge of a psychotic meltdown because, uhh, maybe she’s obsessed with Thang and pissed he chose Misty.

The unfortunate thing about this Nest of Vipers theory is that I could almost certainly make a convincing argument that it was legit. I’ve always joked with my Inner Circle of Lukolas that no one wants to see me go rogue, especially not – I’ll bite my tongue on that one. But I will emphasize the importance of keeping an open mind when you’re reviewing information. Always consider both sides of the coin. That said, it’s hard to ignore the evidence that was presented to us through the World Tour interviews and behind-the-scenes footage; therefore –

Me: I’m having a hard time believing Luke is someone who wouldn’t protect his girlfriend. He seems to support Nicola online quite a bit. Why wouldn’t he do the same for Antonia?

Dad: <laughing> Fine. Antonia isn’t his girlfriend. Maybe it’s all just a bunch of fuckery like I’ve always said.

“Fuckery” is my dad’s pet name for PR bullshit. If you didn’t pick up on it in previous entries, I am not fond of PR theories. But I also cannot ignore that PR relationships do exist and have for decades (hell, we could go back centuries and find examples of PR relationships across multiple noble and royal families – think about that, naysayers). It was my dad who first sold me on the possibility of Antonia being PR. So, I will consider this road to PR-ville in the same manner as I did the Nest of Vipers theory – with this PR theory having perhaps the better claim.

I mentioned earlier that the General Audience almost certainly paid little attention to Antonia’s existence at the Boss event. Although some people may find what I’m about to say a bit unkind, it doesn’t make it any less valid (and I’m not saying it to be cruel): Antonia, in the overall scheme of things, is of very little importance to the General Audience. She has less than 15 thousand followers on Instagram, even after being connected to a man who has almost three million. However, oddly enough, that didn’t prevent the Daily Mail from dropping a story which predominantly focused on Antonia within the same timeframe that images from the Boss event were being dropped on the Internet. It also didn’t prevent video footage of Luke and Antonia at the Boss event from being leaked online almost immediately – even when there were undoubtedly more famous celebrities attending the event. I’ll be realistic with this next comment, too: Luke may be relevant to the Bridgerton fandom, but that does not mean he is significant to, say, People Magazine’s average reader. So, why the sudden burst of publicity at this event?

I waited to write this entry to see what Luke did with the exposure from the Boss event. Would he finally put Antonia on his Instagram grid? Would he put her in his Instagram stories? Would Antonia post pictures from the event on her Instagram grid or stories? Would Luke unambiguously acknowledge a relationship with Antonia?

Although Luke posted to his Instagram grid and stories about the event, he did not include Antonia – at least not directly. The closest he came to including Antonia was via an Instagram story – on which he did not tag her – of a black screen with a link to a Boss TikTok that included images of Luke and Antonia from the event. The TikTok did not tag Antonia either. Luke did not post Antonia’s image to his grid or his stories.

And Antonia didn’t post about the event at all.

I wasn’t sold on a PR narrative when I started writing this entry, but my eyebrows raised when I saw Luke’s “black screen” Instagram story. This was either Luke attempting to circumvent the Lutonia narrative while throwing Antonia a bone, or it was Luke being an absolute douche of a human being. And, if it’s the latter, Mr. Newton needs to check himself into Assholes Anonymous.

I will concede that a couple of mutuals put up a few stories about the event (which disappeared after 24 hours) and Boss included (and tagged) Luke and Antonia in an Instagram and TikTok reel – without formally identifying Antonia as Luke’s girlfriend. On a side note, Luke could have reposted either of these reels – which tagged Antonia – but he did not. Luke also did not like this Boss Instagram reel with Antonia in it (and he does not have a public TikTok account), but Luke did like a separate Boss post of him and David Beckham (without Antonia). The only news outlets that called Antonia Luke’s “girlfriend” were rag-mags like the Daily Mail and Hello, both of which put an emphasis on Antonia. Digital Spy noted that Luke and Antonia “have yet to officially confirm their relationship.” So outside of some tagged reels (that weren’t reposted or acknowledged by Luke) and rag-mag speculation, what did Antonia get from this?

Dad: Publicity.

A single word but one that resonates throughout an otherwise silent wood.

But to be honest, I’m not entirely convinced this was for publicity. I’m not saying I believe Antonia is Luke’s girlfriend either – that’s a whole cauldron of contradictions on its own. I’m simply intrigued that Antonia has her Instagram tags turned off and she has not yet allowed any Boss event tags to appear on her page. So, outside of some junky rag-mag callouts and a few TikToks, what benefit did Antonia receive? And, if Antonia didn’t truly benefit from this appearance (or, at least she doesn’t appear to be reaping the rewards from a girlfriend or PR standpoint), who did benefit?

I mentioned at the beginning of this post that a series of events had happened one after the other over a relatively short two-week period: (1) Luke’s mum mentioning “Luke’s girlfriend…from Cyprus” in a Facebook response; (2) leaked video and photos of Luke from a funeral; (3) those utterly ridiculous pap pictures of Nicola and Jake; (4) Nicola stating she and Luke were “just friends” in an interview; and (5) the sudden summoning of Antonia after exactly six months of being MIA.

As I sat here writing out the events of the past two weeks – and considering the reappearance of Antonia – I couldn’t help but speculate as to whether each of these events was meant to have a specific purpose that didn’t get its desired result.

The comment by Luke’s mother was so far out in left field, most Lukolas chucked it up to being suspicious and dismissed it as such. The funeral pictures and video released by one of Luke’s family members was quickly scrubbed from social media; therefore, just as quickly ignored. The pap pictures of Nicola and Jake were openly mocked across social media as being staged. The “just friends” comment – after almost a year of, particularly, Nicola dodging that phrase – didn’t seem to send many Lukolas overboard. Is it possible that the fandom’s mild reaction to all these events wasn’t anticipated? Which leads me to wonder if Luke and Nicola wanted a reaction and realized the only way they were going to get it was to play the only card they had left – Antonia.  

When you look at the above referenced events individually and collectively, they appear to indicate a push to shut down the Lukola narrative. Why?

They could have shut down the Lukolas before the World Tour even took off. They could have shut down the Lukolas during the World Tour. They could have shut down the Lukolas after Papsmear. Why wait almost a full year to draw the line in the sand? Especially after every devoted Lukola would argue that (mostly) Nicola has left a trail of Swiftie-like clues to insinuate Lukola is real, and that Luke has made a visible effort to remove Antonia from his narrative.

Whatever the reasoning may be, we must admit Antonia’s reappearance had a purpose – and one that we need to respect. I have a hard time believing Luke would voluntarily step in the same pile of dog shit he stepped in back in June without a valid and significant reason for doing so.

And this is where I will draw the line.

I will not speculate further about why Antonia suddenly rose from the ashes of Manderley – and I will not tell you which road to take from here. That’s something you need to do on your own but, be warned that regardless of which road you choose – the one where you conclude Luke and Antonia are a couple, or the one where you decide Antonia is playing the role of PR distraction – the Lukolas are currently fighting a losing battle.

The Lukolas have become collateral damage. They’ve either been caught in the crossfire of an online war between Luke and Nicola (and their respective sidekicks) over, presumably, Antonia; or they’re the unwitting victims of some messy PR bullshit that has resulted in Lukolas being bullied across every social media platform by rabid Jakolas and Anti-Lukes.

Amazingly, though, many Lukolas remain resilient.

When the going gets tough…

But sometimes the tough don’t get going.

Yesterday, someone wrote to me, “Why are we still here? Just when we think something good is finally going to happen we get pushed back down. I’m tired of the dumb games.”

I rarely answer “Asks,” but my response to this comment is:

“Two roads diverged in a wood…”

Two roads.

One road is quite disheartening and the other is shrouded in underbrush.

But what you've overlooked is that there is an alternate path – a third road – the one that brought you to this point.

Turn around.

That road takes you back home – and, if you’re ready to go home, go home. It’s okay. It takes an unbelievable amount of courage to admit you’ve had enough. Remember that saying – “A wise woman once said, ‘fuck this shit,’ and she lived happily ever after.”

Take your time and decide what makes the most sense to you.

Dad: What are you thinking?

Me: Of a poem.

Dad: Oh, which one today?

Me: “Two roads diverged in a wood, and I – I took the one less traveled by…”

Dad: Which road is that…?

P.S. Just for a bit of comic relief at the end of an otherwise somber post (not even Dad could make it lighthearted), I just wanted to say:

I love eating grapes.

IYKYK.

Those links I promised:

[dellamortethelesser]

Teia opinions?

Lots of 'em! She's the love of my life actually, and I'd fight Viago for her hand any day.

Teia is actually, like, wicked smart. Smarter than any of these other motherfuckers playing the game. Zevran tells us in Origins that the Crows usually recruit elves for their ~ exotic beauty ~ and Teia has to be a victim of this, and she uses it and weaponizes it.

That kind of shit... weighs on you. Objectification as a weapon for the Crows is one thing, but I'm talking about the consistent objectification that elves face across all of Thedas all of the time, taken to another degree because she's been made into an assassin for it. Teia is extremely smart and talented for earning her way into the position she's in; Seventh Talon, youngest to be so, and favored by Caterina.

Her own grandchildren do not call her "nonna". Caterina is fond enough of her to talk fashion in her own villa. Teia is comfortable enough with her to remain idealistic about the Crows nearly to the same level that Lucanis is, and she is devastated enough by her loss in Veilguard to be the driving factor in planning Caterina's funeral.

I don't think anyone really realizes just how well she's playing the game--over all of them. TBH if Teia wasn't an elf, I think Caterina would've named her heir.

[queenlua]

(fair warning: this entire anecdote ends with a dumb Tellius joke)

ONCE UPON A TIME, my dad had this coworker who was dreading an upcoming Visit To Her In-Laws' House, right?

"i like my husband's family," she said, "they're all really nice people, but they're just so weird."

"weird in what way?" my dad asked.

"well they all really like music," she said.  "they like playing it, specifically.  they all have banjos and fiddles and stuff, and once one of them gets to playing, they're ALL playing, ALL hours of the night, and it's such a RACKET and i can't believe how LONG they can go at it, like GET ANOTHER HOBBY"

"are they any good?" my dad asked.

"well, i'm told they are.  some of them even say they make a living at it!  but i can't quite believe that, i mean, it's just so fiddly and weird, who would pay money for that"

my dad, a lifelong bluegrass fan, asked a few other questions... slowly put some pieces together... and finally realized his coworker had married into the family of Bill motherfucking Monroe, one of the most famous bluegrass musicians of all time, aka "the Father of Bluegrass"

dad tried to convince her that yo your in-laws are incredibly famous and talented, but she just shook her head and said "ah god now you sound like one of them"

(she was finally convinced that maybe this Bill Monroe guy was a little bit famous when she went to his funeral in the 90s & both Johnny Cash and Dolly Parton were in attendance)

anyway.  who marries into the heron laguz clan and is supremely unimpressed by "all this singing nonsense."  probably vika, right

[emblemxeno]

I have a question. What are your favorite and least favorite things in each route of three houses? I apologize if I'm bothering you with this question..

No bother at all!

CF Favorite: How short it is lol Funnily enough, despite disliking them as characters, my favorite part is getting to play as/use Edelgard, Hubert and Jeritza because they all have fun tools as units.

CF Least Favorite: All of the story, especially the whining from the other characters about how sad the war is. Motherfuckers, you're the ones steamrolling the continent! Aside that, I hate the cutesy moments that Edelgard has, they're really fucking annoying and indicative of the agenda the writers had for her.

Silver Snow Favorite: Legitimately, I think the characters act the happiest they ever get during the final monastery portion of the route, which is heartwarming. Also Funeral of Flowers is one of the best songs in the game.

Silver Snow Least Favorite: Byleth being the main focus of 3H really hits the worst in this route, and disconnects me from the plot in all the wrong ways. For example compare Byleth reacting to the deaths/disappearance of other characters in this route (like the scene with ghost Dimitri) to any lord losing their family in a different game, and it's such a stark contrast. Also fuck the final boss fight, it's a slog.

Verdant Wind Favorite: Getting to use Claude cuz he's cute and broken and handsome and stuff. Wyvern archer is such a vibe. And God Shattering Star is such a bop, i don't care if people talk about it too much.

Verdant Wind Least Favorite: The most overt copy paste job in 3H, from story to gameplay. It's indicative of the worst of 3H's design choices.

Azure Moon Favorite: Dimitri has the best character arc in the game to me. It progresses well, including the build up from White Clouds. Also the fact that the Slithers have the least amount of presence here, which is good! Great even! The worst written antagonistic force in FE history should be brushed aside as much as possible.

Azure Moon Least Favorite: Dedue being shafted. I've come around on Gilbert being a major player, but I still don't like how Dedue was tossed aside, it's disrespectful and cheap. Especially for the character who has some of the greatest emotional connection to Dimitri himself. A wasted opportunity, alongside how Rhea was turned into a faceless plot macguffin, which is another of this route's low points.

[twineswine]

This shit ain’t nothin’ to me choom, I’m movin’ different. On that Adam Clapper pack. Cruising like a sande, never chipped in once. Rolled up to Konpeki on that Hello Kitty Tricycle, choomba called that shit preem. Scrolling BDs on go-pro like its animal planet. Call me Steve Irwin. We’re smoking Rainbow Lace. Took a puff of that Voodoo Boy Mathesulah strain, shit gave me RAM without a deck. Chromedome tried to pull up, gave him the Morgan Backhand. This shit ain’t nothin’ to me motherfucker.

We’re doing lines of synth out to Timbuktu. Shit so sour it’ll send a Scav to Home Depot looking for seasonal employment. Got me slobbering off these bootleg biotechnica runtz, make an eezybeef taste like Fogo de Chao. Sipping straight goblets of NiCola and surge, got me forgetting my name for the next three moons. I ain’t feeling a thing. Got 20 gonks doing lines on a surface thinner than David Martinez’s scapula. I sniff out that shit like a Yinglong smells blood, and brother I’m smelling za. Choombas and I grayscaled out in the back of Totentanz playing Kirby’s Epic Yarn in 5th person. BPM so high my biomon’s playing Suffer Me EDM on nightcore. This shit ain’t nothing to me choom.

Blunts so cut they’re chippin’ mantis blades, and choomba it’s thermal. Loaded my launcher with a can of tiancha, got my forcep smelling like kumquat for the rest of my days. I am Samurai. I have always been Samurai. I will continue to be Samurai. Got Arasaka RSVPing the funeral home. This perc’s starting to smell like a second nuke. Shooting straight chemotherapy. Choomba I don’t feel a thing. Up in Mikoshi shooting up in pdf format. Fuck greening out, choomba I’m blue screening. I can handle the heat. You got me fucked up man. I’m getting antsy. This shit ain’t nothing to me choom.

[thesharktanksdriver]

Sharky incorrect quotes

Y/n, Ghost and soap

Sharky: Do you ever want to talk about your emotions, Ghost?

Ghost: … No.

Soap: I do!

Sharky: I know, Soap.

Soap: I’m sad!

Sharky: I know, Soap.

Sharky, holding a python: Guys I impulsively bought a snake, what do I name him

Ghost: You did WHAT–

Soap: William Snakepeare

Ghost: I know you snuck out last night, Sharky.

Soap: Play dumb!

Sharky: Who's Sharky?

Soap: NOT THAT DUMB!!!

Sharky: What do you think Soap will do for a distraction?

Ghost: he’ll probably, like, make a noise or throw a rock. That’s what I would do.

*Building explodes and several car alarms go off*

Ghost: ... or he could do that.

Sharky: Don't worry, I got a plan.

Ghost: Alright.

Sharky: TraitorSayWhat?

Soap: Excuse me?

Sharky: What?

Ghost:

Sharky:

Sharky: No wait-

Sharky: What if I press the brake and gas at the same time?

Soap: The car takes a screenshot.

Ghost: For the last time, get the fuck out.

Y/n, Price and Gaz

Price, negotiating with kidnapper: We have Sharky. Give us ten thousand dollars and they will be returned to you unharmed

Sharky: Whoa, whoa, wait, you think I’m only worth ten thousand dollars?

Price :

Sharky: MAKE IT ONE MILLION–

Price: SHARKY STOP

Sharky, at a restaurant: You guys should get the orange soda, it's amazing.

Price: Okay

Waiter: Can I get you guys anything to drink?

Sharky: Orange soda, please!

Price: I'll have the strawberry soda.

Gaz: Me too, strawberry soda.

Sharky:

Price: While I’m gone, Sharky, you’re in charge.

Sharky: Yes!!!

Price, whispering: Gaz, you’re secretly in charge.

Gaz: Obviously.

Gaz: Why are you on the floor?

Sharky: I'm depressed.

Sharky: Also I was stabbed, can you get Price, please.

Sharky: If I die, my funeral is going to be the biggest party ever and you’re all invited

Price: If?

Gaz: Great, the only party I’ve ever been invited to and they might not even die.

Entire team

Soap: Favorite horror movie?

Price: It

Gaz: Saw

Ghost: Annabelle

Sharky: High School Musical. after watching it I spent all my middle school years terrified that the entire school would start singing something and I’d be the only one who didn’t know the lyrics

Sharky: We need more help. Maybe I should call my friends.

Price: ... Your what?

Sharky: My friends.

Gaz: Are they saying “friends”?

Ghost: I think they're being sarcastic.

Soap: No, no, no, this is delirium, they've cracked from being awake all night. Hey, Sharky! All of your friends are in this room.

Sharky: I have other friends! You asked me to make new friends, I made new friends! It was a task. I complete tasks.

Sharky: What did you guys get in your yearbook?

Price: 'Prettiest Smile'

Gaz: 'Nicest Personality'

Soap: 'Most likely to start a bar fight'

Ghost: 'Least likely to start a bar fight, but most likely to win one'

Sharky: What does 'take out' mean?

Price: Food.

Gaz: Dating

Ghost: Murder

Soap: IT CAN MEAN ALL THREE IF YOU'RE NOT A COWARD.

Soap: Good morning.

Price: Good morning.

Gaz: Good morning.

Ghost: You all sound like robots, try spicing it up a bit.

Sharky: MORNING MOTHERFUCKERS

Price: Anyone d-

Sharky: Depressed?

Gaz: Drained?

Ghost: Dumb?

Soap: Disliked?

Price: -done with their work... what is wrong with you people ...

Sharky: I’m an idiot.

Price:

Gaz:

Ghost:

Soap:

Sharky:

Price: If you’re waiting for us to disagree, this is going to be a long day.

*Everyone is giving advice to Sharky *

Gaz: It's okay to ask for help.

Soap: You're not a burden.

Ghost: Murder is okay.

Price: Your feelings matter.

[sprixyn]

hello future us … or future me. (i hope not. i hope you aren't alone again.) i had some questions, i guess. you don't have to answer them, but… please, would you? i'd love to get a letter back. i'm so lonely right now.

do you have a cat? i hope we have a cat.

do you still have those dreams where you meet someone who finally understands, who makes you feel safe and trusted? and who you trust back? all the way, not just mostly. and it's not one of us, not just someone inside your head, not someone you can convince yourself isn't real. and you just feel safe.

and do you still wake up from them with tears streaming down your cheeks?

or the ones where they're still alive, where it was all just some kinda fucked up joke? or even the ones that tell you that we need to tell someone that we love them? or stop isolating ourselves so much?

and do you still spend the day after feeling like you're being held down by a hundred river stones?

do you still climb trees? and ask them things? and can you still hear their answers if you listen long enough?

did you make it out of here?

do you still flinch when someone touches you? especially from behind? or when a door slams, or something falls, or a voice is raised, i guess. do you still feel sick and frozen and helpless then?

do you still feel trapped in hugs? and do you still turn the door handle so slowly, and pull it open so gently, making sure the hinges don't make a sound?

do you still feel a pit in your stomach when you wake up sometimes? like some sort of black oozing ball of grief. a bit like the one inside that dragon from that movie that we really like.

do you still like playing in the rain? i like playing in the rain.

i like to go outside naked. they used to call it "nature's shower" and make jokes about how we needed a shower, since we didn't usually do it for ourselves.

do those kinds of jokes still hurt you a little bit? not enough to make a big fuss, or cry, or get angry like you wanted, since you knew it would just make them sad again. and you don't want to make them sad again.

just a little pang in your chest, y'know? do you still get those?

do you still make them sad a lot? the others keep telling me it's not my fault. but i know better. because it always has been, hasn't it?

…hasn't it?

are you better at saying "no"? even softly, and apologetically, because you know it might hurt them for you to care that much about yourself

do you still apologize too much? kind of just for existing or taking up space. you know the ones i'm talking about. it's annoying, you know. people won't take your actual apologies seriously if you do it too much. you should really stop that.

do you still let it all build up until it explodes in your face? because letting it out, even in tiny bits, hurts too much to bear. or it would hurt others. or maybe you just think it will? or… maybe. maybe you're just scared.

…do you still miss him?

i miss him so much. i hope you don't. it hurts like a motherfucker.

do you still shame yourself for loving the things you love and the way you love them?

do you still sing and play and draw all the time? i know you're probably pretty busy by now, but you should still take some time for it, y'know? it's kind of all that's keeping me here right now.

ha. i guess it's what's keeping you here, too, then. or why you even exist at all, if you do. holy shit, what if i'm talking to a ghost right now. or like… all my bereaved loved ones. or some kid 100 years from now, if the earth can still sustain human life.

uh… if that's the case, hi guys. sorry about all the melodrama in this one. please don't read it out at my funeral or something, that'd be sad. you should be listening to something fun and dancing instead. that's what i'd want.

i think i'm just gonna proceed assuming there's some kind of actual future me reading this. that was a weird side tangent.

do you have new friends? old friends? you should check in with some of them. i want to know how they're doing, too. …are they still around? i hope they're still around. at least for a decent amount of years. they deserve that.

do you still fight for what you think is right, even when it feels like the whole world is against you? are you still stubborn like that? i hope you didn't give up hope and become complacent like all the others. i hope you still think we can make things better, even just a little bit. even just by making stupid poems.

do you still cry in public, even though we got really good at hiding it? this is gonna be hypocritical, but you don't have to be embarrassed about that kind of stuff, you know. we're just a person. and a bit of a fucked up one at that.

do you… nevermind. this is getting too long. nobody's gonna read it if i write more, especially not you, knowing our attention span. ha. actually, did you un-fuck that up? that would be cool.

i know i'm pretty young. you don't have to listen to me. not a lot of people do. but maybe i have some wisdom to share, too, right?

people are always saying that, aren't they? "listen to your inner child".

would you please listen to me? please don't tune me out. i think you're the one person who's really supposed to listen and really might hear me

[freedelusionshere]

Apologies and Forever rewatch

In Apologies and Carmy insists on Syd coming with him to this work function, where he is the only person she knows (other than Richie, he does not know she's been talking to Chef Adam). He knows she is frustrated with him, apologizes, but can't bring himself to find the right words (the song that plays after alludes to this). She also struggles to tell him she's considering leaving him, but I already think he knows where this is headed, and his spiraling in S3 is just evidence of him trying to maintain control by throwing himself into his work as a distraction and massively failing.

The moment where they exchange looks when he says he doesn't want it to be so hard to keep up, then he stares at her and doesn't say anything, just lets her walk away frustrated herself is peak UST.

Then he looks down at the plate and realizes Richie was fucking right and he's been sublimating his desires for Syd, he's recreated her hair scarf on the plate (so many posts about this already and it's literally a reference to the film Vertigo shown earlier). He looks up at the surprise cart and understands he's been denying himself pleasure and amusement intentionally because of this, and that he used Claire to try to dull his anxiety about it, thinking about calling to apologize to her. He revisits the walk-in to try to reclaim a space where he was distressed by apologizing to Claire but can't do it.

Syd goes home and stares at a bunch of pictures of Carmy and reads articles she's probably read a million times about everyone talking about how great he is, frustrated at the disconnect with reality, and refuses to take a call from her dad because she doesn't want to hear his opinion about her "partner".

Then he's at home getting ready for his "date" at the end of the episode and looking like he's working up the courage to tell Syd how he feels which is why we see the scrunchy and prayer card as he leaves for the Ever funeral.

In Forever he is enjoying himself and talking to the other chefs, seems a little nervous but not anxiety-ridden, and then Syd shows up and they embrace briefly, and he puts his hand on the small of her back and introduces her to everyone making it clearly look like she is there with him. And then he sees Demon Chef David and it all goes south and he spirals again. Meanwhile, Chef Adam is pulling Syd into the closet for secret talks. I am going to lose my shit if Chef David is an investor in his new restaurant.

But actually, his conversation with Chef David gives him closure and makes it clear he's been building his whole personality around him and his bad ideas about success/control and puts him on a path to being clearer headed, I think it's a breakthrough, and he talks with stuff about Chef Terry and goes for a walk. I think he actually was going to join the party at Syd's when he got the text of the review.

Btw, Richie yells, "Motherfucker!" when he finds out about Ever closing earlier in the season. Just like Carmy does when he sees the review.

Also, poor Syd, I do think she cares so deeply for everyone at The Bear and what they've all built together, but she has no reason at the moment to believe he will treat her as a partner and in fact that he will hold her back. Don't think she believes he's in love with her. even And though she's been enjoying hanging with Luca all night up to this point, she's still having a massive panic attack about leaving The Bear.

[mad-hatter-memes]

Ice Nine Kills: Welcome to Horrorwood Starters

A collection of dialogue prompts from the songs of Ice Nine Kills "Welcome to Horrorwood" album. Feel free to edit quotes as necessary.

Starters from it's prequel "The Silver Scream" can be found here!

TW: Swearing, threats, violent and gory references, suggestive references

Welcome to Horrorwood

"Who cares if it bleeds beyond the screen?"

"Are you misunderstood?"

"Are you more bad than good?"

"Can't blame the savages this town attracts..."

"I guess we're all insane..."

"There goes the neighborhood..."

"But will you make the cut?"

"How's this for an establishing shot?"

A Rash Decision

"No medicine can stop the bleeding..."

"There's a fever in the air..."

"We're caught without a prayer!"

"Now our perfect plans are fading quickly..."

"I cannot deny, it's do or die."

"Is it a crime to kill, if we're only sinking deeper?"

"Is it real or am I dreaming?"

"I won't be forgiven..."

"The only peace is a place inside my mind..."

Assault and Batteries

"Hey [Name]! It's time to play motherfucker!"

"Oh, [Name], isn't he cute?"

"You won't ever grow up."

"You won't make it past six."

"He'll toy with you 'til you die."

"[Name]! [Name]! My doll is alive!"

The Shower Scene

"Come on in, the weather's dreadful."

"Don't mind mother, she is not well..."

"The doctor says she's not all there..."

"I'm sick of cleaning up her mess."

"I hope saying goodnight, doesn't mean saying goodbye..."

"Come on back, I'll fix you something."

"We all go a little mad sometimes..."

"Can I help you sir?"

"I'm looking for a young woman that's been missing for several days now."

"I have reason to believe she may have stopped off at this very motel..."

Funeral Derangements

"Sometimes, dead is better..."

"[Name], don't do it..."

"I'll see you on the other side"

"I'd kill to bring you back tonight"

"Nothing here is set in stone."

"I played with mommy, now I want to play with you..."

Rainy Day

"Are you listening? Through the whispering..."

"Is it sinking in?"

"Will you take the bait?"

"Something is creeping in the dark..."

"Resist the zombie they'll make of you."

Hip to Be Scared

"Well I guess I'm a pretty sick guy."

"To hell with good intentions"

"...I have to return some videotapes..."

"I'm aware it's a bit avant-garde."

"Not the fucking face, you piece of trash!"

"But wait! Let me give you my card!"

"Do you like Ice Nine Kills?"

"Their early work was a bit too "scene" for me..."

"You know I'm psychotic, but I've crossed the line..."

"I killed [Character], [Character], and [Character], stabbed [Character] with a knife..."

"I don't think I'm gonna get away with it this time..."

"This confession has meant...nothing."

Take Your Pick

"There's more than one way to lose your fucking heart!"

"You'll be mine"

"I've picked you, my bloody valentine!"

"They'll need your dental records to identify you!"

"Can't stop this gas-masked lunatic!"

The Box

"Is it pleasure or pain?"

"The puzzle's in pieces again..."

"Is it virtue or sin?"

F.L.Y

"I won't deny the way time flies...When we're so close to the end.

"I spent my life learning to fly."

"I was born to fly!"

"I'm not saying I'm not playing god."

Wurst Vacation

"Nothing's what it seems..."

"I paid to make you mine, you see?"

"At the right price, you're just a pretty piece of meat."

"You're not going home."

"I'm going old school, a gun is too American!"

"You fell for the bait and switch."

"What the fuck is this?! Where the fuck am I?!"

"Please, I'll pay you anything, please just let me go!"

"Stupid kid, it's not about the money..."

"You don't like our customs? Then stay in your country."

Ex-Mortis

"May god have fucking mercy!"

"The living will descend, and the dead will rise!"

Farewell II Flesh

"There's nothing sweet about me."

"I come to life in the most desolate places."

"A single taste will guarantee that you get hooked!"

"It might sting, but just surrender..."

Meat & Greet

"Don't get close to the glass."

"If he smells your fear, he'll eat you alive..."

"Don't test me."

"Don't let a good meal go to waste."

"I'd fuck me."

[rocketboots564]

I decided to write more of my first time reactions and thoughts to rvb Season 9!

This should (hopefully) be the third and final part for season 9.

Season 9 part 3:

Imagine showing up to your funeral, and they don’t even give you a respectable eulogy… They just talk shit about how you talked a lot…

Yeah I would kill all of them… Simmons is 10 times the man I’ll ever be.

Oh so Maine straight up stole the grenade launcher! Kinda like he did with AI units… history is a full circle once again

You know… I feel like the director should’ve given them equipment just in case the sarcophagus thing was heavy. Which it is. The Director is a really bad boss

Understatement of the century I know

Washington I’m 80% sure half the things you freelancers do is improvise… and honestly I’d be sick of it too

Oh yeah Carolina let’s just fucking kick out friends off of a SEVERAL STORIES TALL BUILDING. You’re lucky you have that armor.

The freelancers do heists the same way I played Payday 2: Five minutes of stealth before going “nah fuck this” and blasting the brains of some poor shmuck all over the walls

I think you SHOULD feel bad for the people down there, you tossed MAINE at them Carolina.

You chose to use the flamethrower… inside a building… no wonder the freelancers kick your guy’s asses on the reg… yall are fucking idiots

DONT YOU DISRESPECT THAT GUN IT SAVED OUR ASS IN REACH. Bouncy gun is fun

“That bit with the purple plane? That was just showing off,” well when your number one in Freelancer ranked mode you might as well act like it Wash

You know Carolina kinda acts like Tex a bit. No wonder they’re at odds. There’s only room for one dommy mommy bisexual badass in this show

Oh it’s not a bomb… it’s worse… it’s a big ass fucking lazer

AHSBBFMSM THE JPEG EXPLOSION is KILING ME

Yeah Carolina I bet it is karma… deserved Karma

NOT THE XYLOPHONE!

CAROLINA HITTING THE FUCKING Sonic Adventure 2 CITY ESCAPE “talk about low budget flights. No food or movies? I’m outta here!” ON THE SARCOPHAGUS

I’m surprised Project Freelancer wasn’t investigated and shut down earlier with how much property damage and civilians they endanger.

Tex being responsible about the about the team is a nice change of pace–oh she was paid…. makes sense.

Simmons can play the Banjo? When’s his new single dropping?

Grif be supportive of your Brofriend (Bro + Boyfriend = Brofriend)

Wow… imagine your best friend being closer with your ex/not-ex girlfriend than you.

Couldn’t be me Church… mainly cause I’m gay and don’t have a girlfriend

Sarge, the planet is quite literally breaking apart, and your plan is to blow it up… honestly I’m not even surprised.

It’s actually astounding how absolutely this heist went to shit… and quickly too.

“We had to learn to care for our equipment” Tex says. Cut to five minutes ago where she drove a motorcycle through a glass wall.

HOLY SHIT MAINE CAN TAKE SOME DAMAGE! I mean I know they’re wearing Spartan armor and all, but JEEZE.

I love how even the freelancers almost (emphasis on almost) fumble their stuff like the red and blue teams.

Like when Carolina juggles the briefcase in the air before getting a hold of it, and then immediately getting kicked back.

Damn… more Carolina and Tex beef.

How much do I wanna bet Grif’s plan is gonna backfire hilariously?

Yes it backfired horribly… because now Andy exists… again

Oh hey Delta was born! Great! Which means Alpha/Church was just tortured to the point that his mind split…. Not great…

“We’re the good guys? Right?” Oh… you’re concerned you’re not? What clued you in, the insane property damage, murder, or endangered civilians?

“I forget you…” AAAHHH WHAT THE FUCK THAT IS SO SAD YET SO GOOD.

And they brought him back… that’s actually really fucking funny.

THEYRE GONNA KILL THE DIRECTOR?! AWWW YES THIS MOTHERFUCKER HAS IT COMING.

Conclusion: YES I CANT WAIT TO WATCH SEASON 10

[agoldengalaxy]

Forgivin' Ya

read on Ao3

words: 1152

The figure wearing his brother’s face grins, just the way he used to, crouching down beside the broken man. His entire body shimmers like he’s incorporeal. “You ain’t givin’ up that easy. Won’t letcha.” “You’re…this isn’t real. I’m hallucinating.” Brok scoffs. “‘Course you are. Lookit you. What’d ya think was gonna happen?” ——— Sindri’s path to healing, and to forgiveness.

--

Chapter 1: Pulling His Head Out of His Ass

Sindri isn’t sure how long it’s been. He can’t tell if it’s been hours, days, or weeks, but he doesn’t particularly care, either. Gentle waves crash against the shore, the smell of embers having not left his nose since he appeared here. It’s almost peaceful, if he’s not counting the high pitched ringing that hasn’t left his ears.

He’s laying on the floor of a cave in Svartalfheim. It’s dark in the cave, and he’s far away enough from the mouth that he can’t tell if it’s dark outside, too. He had lit a torch when he arrived, but it had long since burned out, so he just lay in the dark, staring up at the same rock formation he’d been staring at for what seemed like forever.

Resisting the urge to hurl again, because there’s nothing left in his stomach at all, he licks his dry lips and closes his eyes. He can’t eat and he can’t sleep. His “friends” led his brother to his death. What is the point of living anymore?

Sindri doesn’t know. Maybe he doesn’t want to know, either. When he closes his eyes these days, he often hopes he won’t open them again. But here he is, day after day, still here, still alone.

He doesn’t have any tears left.

“Get the hell up ‘n pull yer head outta yer ass.” A sudden voice makes his eyes flutter open. Above him, a blue figure swims into his blurry vision, and Sindri bites his tongue so hard he tastes blood. His mind and heart races, but his body is sluggish and he can’t move besides slowly tilting his head. 

“Brok…?”

The figure wearing his brother’s face grins, just the way he used to, crouching down beside the broken man. His entire body shimmers like he’s incorporeal. “You ain’t givin’ up that easy. Won’t letcha.”

“You’re…this isn’t real. I’m hallucinating.”

Brok scoffs. “‘Course you are. Lookit you. What’d ya think was gonna happen?”

Sindri knows he looks worse for wear. After he left the funeral, he looked at himself in the water. Bloodshot eyes stared back at him, accompanied by matted hair and beard. Even his face looked thinner.

Even so, he’s annoyed that his hallucination is pointing it out. He places his arms over his eyes. “Go away. I don’t need a figment of my imagination to tell me I’m crazy. Let me lay here.”

A hand grabs his forearm, startling him so badly he can’t help but yelp. Wide eyes meet achingly familiar ones, though they’re full of a concern he isn’t used to. “No. Don’t you remember what I said to ya, or are ya so dense you already forgot?”

Of course he remembers. He plays that moment in his head over and over again.

“Y’gotta stop. Y’gotta let go.”

Sindri’s grief is replaced with anger again, giving him enough energy to sit up and swat hallucination-Brok’s hand away. “Shut up! Shut up!” His voice echoes off the walls. Chest heaving, he forces himself to be quieter. “It’s easy for you to say. Why do you get to give up, but I can’t?!”

“I already died once,” he answers softly. “You ain’t get to go out like this.”

“But I can’t do it. I can’t. You were all I had left.”

Brok gives him that look, the one that calls him stupid with just his eyes, and shakes his head. “Naw, I’m not. Our friends was our family too.”

Anger flares again, his voice icy cold. “No. They’re not. They’re the reason you’re gone.”

“You hit yer head or somethin’?” Brok sounds annoyed now, and it makes Sindri’s chest tighten. “It ain’t their fault I turned out to be smartest of the bunch. Hell, if even the Smartest Head in the World couldn’t see Tyr was a shady motherfucker, how was anyone else supposed to?”

Sindri’s eyes well up with tears, much to his surprise. “Why’d it have to be you? Why?”

Staring at him for a moment, Brok suddenly rears back and smacks Sindri across the face. Much to his surprise, his cheek stings, as if it wasn’t just a hallucination that hit him. 

“Sindri! Christ, listen to yourself!” His hands move to his shoulders, so their eyes meet. Brok is still fuzzy, but Sindri looks at him anyway, as if he could disappear at any moment. “You can’t do nothin’ about the past. You and I know it better’n anyone. I’m glad it was me. Finally got the honor that you took away from me, mind.”

Sindri releases a sob. Brok sighs.

“I forgives ya, remember? But look. My death meant something. Odin’s the reason I kicked the bucket, sure, but I’m also the reason he kicked the bucket. Well, me and you together.” Brok smiles, a little more genuinely. He reaches forward, wiping a tear from Sindri’s cheek. “Just like always. Pickin’ up after everyone else.”

Sindri squeezes his eyes shut, sick of crying, sick of this burning hatred, sick of being. “How am I supposed to keep going? We’re not together anymore.”

“You’ll be fine,” Brok promises, surprisingly gentle, “‘cause you’re my brother, and I ain’t really gone.” His hand moves to Sindri’s chest. “Whenever you got a feelin’ in yer scrote, you know it’ll be me.”

Sindri chokes on what sounds like a cross between a laugh and a sob. “You’re so dumb.”

“Yer dumber.” Brok grins again, standing up. He turns his back, then sighs, his voice almost inaudible. “I love you too, y’know.”

When Sindri blinks again, Brok is gone. Sobs echo off the walls until he’s dry heaving, left on all fours, shaking rather violently. He breaks into a sweat, suddenly feeling as if he’s on fire.

He’ll die here if he doesn’t do anything about it. He doesn’t think he’s ready to face the others, but he also doesn’t have any other choice. Brok was always the only one who could talk sense into him. 

That hasn’t changed, even now.

Hauling himself to his feet, vertigo shoves him against the cave wall. The entire world spins, and it feels like his stomach is eating itself. Pressing his palms against the cave wall, he squeezes his eyes shut and swallows hard.

Midgard.

When he opens his eyes, he’s standing in melting snow. Wolves bark nearby as his vision darkens around the edges. “Help,” he whispers, sure no one can hear it.

“Sindri!”

He sways, but instead of falling face first into snow, strong arms support his body, a familiar white face swimming into view above him, looking the most concerned he’s ever seen. Kratos turns his face up as more footsteps approach.

“He is burning up.”

“Hang on, Sindri. Hang on.” Freya’s voice sounds like it’s underwater. He tries to say something, feeling Kratos lift him like he weighs nothing, but all that comes out is a gurgled noise in his throat.

The world goes black.

[wowifinallywatched]

Listen...this is not my official more coherent thoughts around the Jigsaw installment of the fucking incredible Saw franchise that i normally like to post first but if you've ever wondered what it's like to watch a movie with me and my internal monologue well LOOK NO FURTHER

Coherent thoughts will be coming soon, but for now enjoy a raw reaction to whatever the FUCK THIS WAS I JUST FINISHED WATCHING AND I AKSBFKABF I JUST NEED TO SHARE THIS FEELING WITH SOMEONE HOLY FUCK-

JIGSAW

Listen if you're gonna be bringing this iconic and amazing as fuck series back it better be Fucking at the same level

Ah yes your standard creepy detective who makes sexist jokes like they get paid for it and no one does anything about it because “it's just who they are” and it's one of the bad qualities you have to adopt in about this person uh yeah no FUCK THA-

Okay I'm sorry I'm fucking sorry 39:33??!?!?!?!?!? FUCKING GOLD BEAUTIFUL STUNNING THAT WAS EVERYTHING IVE WANTED LISTEN I KNOW TRUST THE PROCESS OF THESE MOVIES DONT JUDGE TOO SOON BUT FUCK ME THAT WAS GOOD AND I WAS STILL TEETERING  Listen I miss John okay-

WHAT THE FUCK IS GONNA HAPPEN IS HE GONNA COME BACK FROM THE DEAD OR IS THIS REALLY SMART AJBRIAHE Fucking skin suit or secret child ass akdbia

Eleanor DYING WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT Like i can judge this would totally be me as well BEAUTIFUL??? OKAY BITCH NOW I THINK YOU'RE CRAZY

OH MY GOD SHOW ME WHO THE FUCK POISENED YOUR SIPPY CUP BAG MOTHERFUCKER I AM LOSING MY SHIT NOT KNOWING IF JOHN REALLY IS ALIVE OR NOT FUChis

“He was my nephew” Oh my god he was his nephew I'm sorry I had to-

BRKJZISHWJBEJAHSIWBWIHSIS MOTHERFUCKING SAW MY FUCKING GOD YOU'VE DONE IT AGAIN WJDBQJ PUTTING HIM IN JOHNS CASKET HAHAHHA HOW THE FUCK DID THEY DO THAT QUIETLY OH MY GOD I LOVE THESE MOVIES SO MUCH THEY'RE ALWAYS ONE STEP AHEAD AND JUST AJDBSIHDJW OBSESSED  I CANNOT OH MY GOD I LOVE IT ONE OF MY FAVOURITE SCENES IN MY BRAIN IT WAS EITHER GONNA BE TWO OPTIONS, JOHN WAS GONNA BE THERE OR HE WASN'T  BUT JUST IN SAW STYLE, A SURPRISE THIRD OPTION HAS APPEARED HAHAHAH Its like when you watch these movies, you're thinking so hard about one part of it (where the fuck is John) that you become completely oblivious to other options (surprise Mr. Coma has appeared) ALSO I WORK IN THE FUNERAL INDUSTRY AND THERE IS STRICT LAW THAT YOU CANNOT OPEN UP A COFFIN INSIDE THE CEMETERY SO H A

I'm trying to bring logic into these movies when I just watched a man get turned into a human milkshake

But this also means that someone could have taken John's body and has been using his DNA  But would the tests come back saying the DNA is dead or alive? Like someone purposely put his DNA under the guys nails to throw them off who's really playing these games I wonder if it's the OG Dr. saw bathroom who's running the show If John really is alive that would be fucking perfect This psycho mortuary girl better not have dug up John himself to fulfill her obsession I SWEAR- OH MY GOD SHE HAS THE OG SAW STOPPPP HAHAHAHAH Wait wait NO NO NO THIS IS A SET UP I SWEAR OH MY GOD THE DETECTIVE

everyone's like “oh copy cats copy cats” but it's actually the fucking detectives that study these cases of jigsaw everyone calm your tips MY TITS ARE NOT CALM WHERE IS THE DAUGHTER NO IM NOT FUCKING AROUND WHERE IS HIS DAUGHTER I SWEAR 

Oh my god I hear remnants of the saw music as they drive off from the house 🥺 LITTLE PIGGY IS STILL IN PLAY LES GOOOO Everytime I see VAIDUWOFJKSHEIEHDIJWKDNWKJFKSBEKNWKDJEKDBOSBRKANJDHSID JOHN JOHN SOBDJSBDIAHDIHA I JUST CHOKED ON MY CEREAL OH MY FUCKING GOD JOHN MY JIGGY SAWWY MAN IM GONNA CRY HOLY FUCK IVE MISSED YOU NSKFBSJS HOW THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK YOU WERE IN A FUCKING MORTUARY WHAT IN THE EVER LOVING FUCK NO I DO NOT TRUST WHAT I SEE ARE YOU A TWIN BROTHER OR SOME SHIT I AM LOSING MY MIND WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK DID THEY REPLACE YOUR BODY BUT THE TEST SUBJECTS WOULD HAVE COME BACK IS THIS A HALLUCINATION HOLY SHIT  I AM ABOUT TO BREAK THIS FUCKING TABLE HOLY FUCKING SHIT My boy you look like you've aged so much Oh my god that misdiagnosis hit way too close to home alright I am John number one protector BUT HOW THE FUCK IS HE ALIVE BECAUSE THE TUMOUR AND THE SKABKFJA John baby listen i love you so much and I love the game you've got going on and you give the best monologue but HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU ALIVE

Listen surely those jigsaw pieces are a set up because surely not even the most dumbass of cops would keep that in their fucking FREEZER HAHAHAH

I am absolutely fucked I trust none of you bitches except daddy mortuary 

AWWWWWWWWW MEANING BEHIND THE PIG HEAD MENTIONED SO CASUALLY THAT IS SO CUTE JOHN

John is so fucking extra he has all these props and then uses a single shotgun

This is more trying to pick who Johns new apprentice is and i don't like any of them

GIRL WHY WOULD YOU WEAR BOOT HEELS TO THIS SCAVENGER HUNT

Listen John sliding the door to people's eternal doom just hits different okay

BACKWARDS OH MY FUCKING GOD JOHN YOU ARE SO SMART It’s literally been the EXACT SAME ALL THESE YEARS PLAY BY THE RULES HE NEVER SAID YOU HAD TO SHOOT EACH OTHER FOR YOUR FREEDOM THAT WAS NOT A RULE HE SET IN PLACE HAHAHAHAH I LOVE THIS AND I WAS CLAIMING HE WAS USING A SIMPLE ASS SHOTGUN OF COURSE IT WASN'T JUST A SHOTGUN I KNOW BETTER THAN THIS

DADDY MORTUARY WAS THE DOCTOR THAT FUCKED UP HIS TEST RESULTS OH MY FUCKING GOD YOU ABSOLUTE LAZY DICKWAD OF A MAN YOU ARE DOOMED HAHAH

Wait what the fuck this is sus whats happening ABDKJSJEBWJDHIWVDJHS I THOUGHT HIS BODY WAS JUST ROLLING AT FIRST WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING NO NO WAY DADDY MORTUARY IS JOHNS NEW APPRENTICE DETECTIVE YOU AND ME ARE THE SAME WAIT WHAT DO YOU MEAN I AM HIM NO YOU WERE THE ONE I TRUSTED NO FUCKING WAY THE ONLY ONE I TRUSTED TURNED OUT TO BE THE MAN BEHIND IT ALL HAHAHAHAH FUCK WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN FUYCJA FUCKABAFSIABKFJBKAF HOLY FUCKING SHIT THAT IS HOLY FUCK LISTEN I STARTED TO DOUBT THIS ONE THEN I TOLD MYSELF DON’T DO THAT BECAUSE IT’S WHAT HAPPENS EVERY TIME I ALWAYS THINK THEY’RE NOT AS GOOD AS THE PREVIOUS ONE BECAUSE YOU HAVEN’T REACHED THAT CLIMATIC PLOT TWIST THAT PULLS ALL THE PIECES TOGETHER  AND THEN YOU REACH IT AND YOU THINK HOLY FUCKING SHIT THE FUCKING PAST AND PRESENT PLAY THAT THIS SERIES IS SO GOOD AT

OH MY GOD I GOT SO EXCITED THINKING MY BABY JIGGY SAWWY MAN WAS ALIVE BUT NOPE IT WAS JUST THE PAST GAMES SOBS AND IT’S SO FUNNY BECAUSE NOW IF YOU REWATCHED THIS MOVIE YOU’D SEE ALL THE SIGNS POINTING TO THE TRUTH You just have to follow the rules You just have to follow the signs pointed in the direction of the movie plot OH FUCK ME MOVIE GO FUCK YOURSELF WITH YOUR CLEVER WAYS Think about it if you really listened to this movie, it’s literally telling you exactly what’s going to take place Oh fuck me HAHAHAHAH I NEED TO REWATCH ALL THESE MOVIES NOW WITH THAT MINDSET THIS HAS MIND FUCKED ME I CAN’T BELIEVE IT THE FACT WE WERE WATCHING THE OG GAME WITH THE DADDY MORTUARY BUT SIKE IT WAS TEN YEARS AGO

Not gonna lie Daddy Mortuary was kind of hot Jesus I need to learn his real name I'm sure someone said it I was just blinded by his good looks-

I AM LOSING MY MARBLES I LITERALLY CONTINUE DO ANYTHING ELSE RIGHT NOW HAHAHA LIKE HOLY FUCK HOLY FUCKING SHIT THAT MOMENT WHEN HE STARTED GETTING UP LOST IT GAVE ME FEELINGS BACK TO THE FIRST SAW MOVIE WHERE JOHN SLOWLY GOT UP AND REVEALED HIMSELF  Oh my god Daddy Mortuary was the son John never got to have *GROSS SOBBING IN THE CORNER*

AND SLIDING THE DOOR SHUT JUST LIKE JOHN LIKE JIGGY SAWY FATHER LIKE JIGGY SAWY SON SO THIS GAME HAPPENED FUCKING YONKS AND WOULD HAVE ALREADY HAPPENED BEFORE AMANDA AND BEFORE WHATEVER THE FUCK DETECTIVE FACE WAS I ALREADY DON'T REMEMBER HIS NAME I just can't I can't believe they still gave us John Kramer content while he's still fucking dead that was so fucking clever You can't have a saw movie without the original Jigsaw in it and they fucking keep it alive in a smart way, not forced, but smart WAIT DADDY MORTUARY WHAT IN THE EVER LOVING FUCK DID YOU DO WITH JOHNS BODY I GET IT THE GAMES HAPPENED TEN YEARS AGO AND SUCH BUT WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO WITH JOHNS BODY  DID HE MOVE A WHOLE ASS CASKET AND REPLACE HIS CASKET WITH ANOTHER actually he works in a mortuary he would have the skills to do that HAHAHAHAH FUCKKKKKKK Listen this movie literally gave us John content, fucking ecstatic about it, then showed it was past John and that he's not really here right now

BUT THEY LEFT THE FUCKING DOOR WIDE OPEN FOR JOHN TO STILL BE ALIVE BY HIM NOT BEING IN THAT CASKET AND I KNOW ITS PROBABLY MORE A “They just put the body elsewhere/ replaced his casket” BUT LISTEN LET ME HAVE THIS SMALL OUNCE OF HOPE OKAY

ALSO DID I FUCKING CALL IT OR DID I FUCKING CALL IT ABOUT PUTTING JOHNS DNA UNDER HIS NAILS ON PURPOSE FUCKING CALLED THAT SHIT BITCH AND IM REALLY PROUD BECAUSE I CAN NEVER DO THAT WITH THESE MOVIES FUCK YES GO TEAM 1 FOR US  16 MILLION FOR THE MOVIE OKAY LET ME HAVE THIS ONE- Not me going on about how old John looks and it's literally exactly how he looks in all the other movies HAHAHAHAHAH

OH MY GOD IN THAT SCENE WITH JOHNS NEIGHBOUR AND LEG-O-LOSS I THOUGHT NEIGHBOUR WAS IN SHOCK (of course we find out because she was his neighbor) BECAUSE JOHN WAS SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD BUT IT WAS ONLY BECAUSE THEY WERE NEIGHBOURS  NO ONE EVER BATTED AN EYE OR SAID BUT JIGSAW IS DEAD BUT JOHN KRAMER IS DEAD OH MY GODDDDD ANOTHER FUCKING SIGN TO JUST PAY ATTENTION TO THAT'S BEING SAID AND IT WAS REVEAL THE WHOLE MOVIE TO YOU

Just oh my God okay I need to lay this out Daddy Mortuary- Okay no let me find his real name Also poor fucking Eleanor she really was just a Saw fanatic and now she's wrapped up in something she doesn't even realise IF ONLY SHE KNEW BECAUSE SHE WOULD BE LOVING HER OWN STORY RIGHT NOW LOGAN HIS NAME IS LOGAN Alright so  Logan fucked up John's test results by mislabelling (the poor other fucking dude that got those results) which i feel like was a bit of an add on instead of reveal WAIT BUT IF THIS GAME HAPPENED BEFORE THE OTHER GAMES IN THE OTHER MOVIES Oh my fuck then he would have no reason to mention it in any of his past monologues because he already faced the man that did it and seeked his ‘revenge’ OH MY GOD OKAY REDEEMED THAT WAS THE ONLY THING I HAD TO COMPLAIN ABOUT BUT HE'S BEEN REDEEMED CARRY ON So John sets up one of his classic games, with the machine that was “never used” or they never found the bodies for OH MY GOD LOGAN GAVE HER THE ANSWER. LITERALLY JUST TOLD HER. BECAUSE HE FUCKING KNEW. HE WAS APART OF THAT GAME. HE WOULD HAVE RECOGNISED THE MACHINE STRAIGHT AWAY. HE LITERALLY TOLD HER BUT OF COURSE YOU WOULD NEVER SUSPECT IT TO BE ANYTHING BUT AN ACCUSATION HAHAHAH SHITTTTT I keep trying to write this out calmly and then get really Hyped up forgive me- The game begins with everyone having their sins AND YOU KNOW WHAT I THOUGHT IT WAS SO WEIRD THE GAME STARTED WITH SOMEONE STILL UNCONSCIOUS, IT FELT VERY UNLIKE JOHN BECAUSE HE'S ALL ABOUT HAVING A FAIR CHANCE TO REDEEM YOURSELF and when we finally got to see the result of that scene where John is racing out to save him because it was an unfair start and he wanted to personally give him a second chance IM NOT CRYING YOU'RE CRYING- I wonder how far apart these events were to the previous movie

ANYWAY

My brain isn’t working i literally can't stop thinking about John being a protective father to him John takes him under his wing seeing his pain, seeing his grief and to teach him its not about anger AND LOGAN TEACHING JOHN SOME THINGS TOO SOBS listen, John is the most forgiving person IT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE IT I KNOW WE HAVE LIKE 8 MOVIES TO SAY OTHERWISE BUT LET ME EXPLAIN- HE GIVES THEM A CHANCE TO CONFESS AND THEN BE FREE HE'S ONLY PUNISHING THEM BECAUSE THEY WON'T CONFESS THEMSELVES NOT BECAUSE HE'S MAD Oh my god i really am protecting a serial killer  BUT HEY IT'S FICTIONAL And it is fucking wild to me that no one ever found these bodies (JUST LIKE MY BOY ADAM SOBS) and so Logan planned and waited until the perfect moment to fuck with the world Except there's one thing different from John to the other people that have tried to take his place John gives them a fair game, just play by the rules Amanda, Detective Douche, Logan - They all seemed revenge. They gave them a game, but it wasn't always fair, it wasn't always a game that could be won. Oh wait but Detective banana peel ass didn't exactly confess to freeing Logans wife's murderer so he didn't play the game right OKAY THAT WOULD BE VALID THEN It's just crazy to me that a game happened in real time and we technically got to see exactly what it would have looked like but we never saw the actual game

AND OF COURSE LOGAN CHOSE A GUY THAT DOOMED HIS WIFE'S DEATH AS THE GUY TO GET NO CHANCE FOR REDEMPTION TO REPLICATE HIS OWN EXPERIENCE HAHAHAH LOVE THAT

This was so fucking clever and i never want to stop talking about these movies oh my god

BUT OH MY GOD THE DETECTIVES FUCKING HEAD GETTING SPLICED LIKE A FUCKING BANANA PEEL I CANT- THAT WAS FUCKING BEAUTIFUL HORRIFYING AND DISGUSTING BUT SO FLUID AND BEAUTIFUL  I cannot wait to watch the new movie and see the graphics All things considered theyve really done these movies justice all through the years Like I'm so fucking happy with the ending of this movie And I fucking adore that we got to see John again But I'm not gonna lie my heart is a little broken he's not actually alive and well- I KNOW WE LITERALLY SAW HIM GET AUTOPSIED wait Was Logan the one to do his autopsy  I remember he mentioned something about John being full autopsied but I don't remember if he meant he did it himself WAIT ITS ALWAYS BEEN THE SAME MORTUARY HAND TO DO THE SAW AUTOPSIES HASN'T IT OH MY FUCKING GOD SO HE KNEW THE PLAN ALL ALONG HE FUCKING KNEW OH MY GOD I AM EMOTIONAL-

Now I need to go back and watch the other movies again, for many reasons, but to see if it was Logan all along

I JUST READ MY NOTES WHILE WATCHING PREVIOUS SAW MOVIES AND I MADE A COMMENT ABOUT HOW SUS IT IS THAT THERE’S BEEN ONE CONSISTENT MORTUARY HAND LOOKING AFTER THE SAW VICTIMS HAHAHAH CALLED IT (possibly)

God I don’t drink but right now I feel like I need a drink

ONTO THE NEXT ONE WHERE YOU REALLY CAN’T PREDICT WHAT WE’LL EVER GET AKSBFKBF

[msookyspooky]

You're All Dead: Sneak Peek

My upcoming book I'm working on that is HEAVILY based off of the Set Up series and pays homeage to 90's Horror. If you liked Set Up, maybe give it a read because it's a retelling of it with new dialog and twist and turns 🔪 wordcount: 3,267

Intro:

There's Always an Opening Kill

   "Come out, motherfucker!" The young man yelled out into the darkness; slamming his back door as the storm door rattled from the force. He breathed heavily, eyes wide and darting around. He yelled out again, metal baseball bat in hand. "I said, come out!!" 

…Silence. Nothing in the desolate cornfield but the rustling of the remaining stalks cut down recently for harvest.

He hesitated before sucking in through his nostril and racing off his back porch. Adrenaline pumping as he swung the metal bat against a trash can. Knocking it over as the neighborhood dogs carried on at the loud noise.

"That's what I thought! Too pussy!" He yelled, his dirty blonde hair falling in his face as he marched to the edge of the field. "Well?! You only got balls to do this shit over the phone?!" He bellowed against the Autumn wind…He lowered his bat, chest heaving as he stared out into the darkness…Just crinkling of corn husks, a wind, and a few dogs barking.

He stared a moment longer before just speaking into the night. "...I know who you are."

Silence before he huffed out. "You fuckin' freaks. You're dead when I see you. I'll make what happened to Mr. Pierce look tame compared to what I'll do to you tomorrow. " He huffed and slowly turned around. "Stay away from my girlfriend you fu-" His sentence cut off in sharp gasp as a sharp pain went through his stomach. His blue eyes were huge and his mouth hung open as he looked down at his stomach…A pitchfork stabbed right through his gut. He slowly looked up to see a figure standing there holding the pitchfork…Some mask covering their face as they tilted their head. 

Even stabbed, the young man raised the metal bat and swung at his attacker's leg as the pitchfork was painfully jerked out. He released a strangled scream as he tried hobbling to the house, clutching his stomach as blood seeped over his fingers through his shirt.

If he could just get to the phone…He just needed to get to the phone!

He screamed, teeth clenched and face scrunched in pain as that pitchfork was driven deep into the back of his leg. He collapsed, turning on his back to swing at his attacker. He got a few hits but nothing to do real damage as he was dragged to the field by the pitchfork still in his leg like he was nothing but a piece of meat…His screams and the howling of the upset neighborhood dogs was all that was heard by the time anyone came outside too late

✦

Chapter One:

Everyone is a Suspect

The funeral was yesterday. It felt like a bizarre dream. He had a close casket. It's not like his family had much of a choice…Considering…

You sighed, looking to the ground as all eyes were on you. Everyone constantly asking you how you were or whispering amongst each other the second they saw you or even giving you judgmental stares as you walked by. You were the girlfriend of the victim. You should be so distraught that you can't even think straight. Sobbing, unable to eat, unable to go on or whatever. And yet, you weren't…You were numb.

The school had been buzzing all day. First Jessica and her boyfriend Freddy were found murdered in Jessica's home last week; now your boyfriend James was found mutilated in a field behind his house. Principal Craven announced there would be no school after today after parents complained out of fear for their kids safety.  Everyone was either over the moon and playing this off like it was no big deal or completely terrified. You were the latter.

You were getting into your locker, ready to end the day when you saw your locker neighbors come by. 

"Hey..." Sarah gave a soft smile your way and you forced a smile back that fell as quickly as it came. 

She had been your best friend this year. The new girl in town wasn't always liked but Sarah made you feel welcomed since the first day you met. You'd describe her brown eyes as the kindest eyes you ever saw. She was the type of girl you could talk to about anything and she'd be there for support. She brushed a piece of her short brown hair behind her ear as she opened her locker.

"Hey. Sorry I didn't see you guys at lunch. I had mine outside." You mumbled as a reply.

"Alone?" Torri asked with a raised eyebrow, walking behind Sarah as you simply nodded. 

Torri was who introduced you to Sarah. In fact, Torri became the first true friend you had here. She was definitely the trendsetter of this sleepy midwestern town. Wearing clothes that got her warnings with The Cavaliers Dress Code to outrageous stares from the older folks around town when she strutted out in a lime green mini skirt and matching platform heels. Her petite but busty figure didn't help. She was the type of girl that would listen to you vent and want to carve her keys in the person's car afterwards…It didn't exactly go over well with her older sister who was a teacher at the school and the exact opposite of her little sister Torri.

Sarah's gaze softened at the admission you ate lunch alone.  "That's okay but you know you can talk to us whenever, right?" 

You nodded again, "Yeah, totally. I know you guys are always here for me. I just…You know. Needed to clear my head, that's all." 

Torri got into her locker before asking. "...I hate to be the hundredth person to probably ask you this today but how are you holding up?" 

You cringed with a heavy sigh. "Not great, Tor."

Torri frowned deeply. "Yeah stupid question, I know. I mean, how the hell are you supposed to feel with your boyfriend being a victim? Seriously. We were shocked you even came to school today..." 

You put a book away and replied. "Yeah but I just don't want to be home alone with my thoughts. Besides, the police have already questioned me twice. As soon as I got here actually. Might be more questioning if I stayed home." 

Torri scoffed, "Was it Richie? He's been a real prick since Darlene dumped his ass. He was prick before that too…" 

"No, it wasn't Deputy Richard. It was the Sheriff and some Detective they brought in from a bigger city. I want to say he's from Davenport but I don't know for sure." 

Sarah scrunched her brows. "Why? You already told them what they needed to know when it happened just like the rest of us." 

A scruffy looking, thin teen boy leaned on your locker. He was proud of the stupid looking mustache he just started growing out that was so scarce and thin but he wore it anyways. His dark auburn hair is longer than it was last year. He had on a simple t-shirt and faded tore up jeans as he eyed you. "Hey Buffy. So…" 

You groaned softly. That nickname given to you stuck so much that it was used more than your actual name, even by family. 

"I'm fine, Ray. Really." 

Ray leaned against your locker, giving a skeptical raise of his brows. He showed up with Tim trailing behind him and Vince tagging along with his hands in his pockets.

 Tim and Vince were best friends. Complete opposites with Tim being a loud, crude, flirty, popular rich boy. He was cute and charming. One of the tallest guy in Senior year being 6 '4 and he always had a playful smirk on his lips and a mischievous twinkle in his eyes. His Dad was a big time landowner that owned most of the fields around town as well as a lot of the buildings he leased to small businesses. And Vince was quiet, reserved, observant and too emotionally mature to get along with a majority of the teen boys at school. His Dad was a lawyer that traveled to a nearby city for his work. Vince must have looked like his Mom because the one time you did meet his Dad; you just couldn't see it. The boy had looks that could kill; hands down one of the most attractive boys in town. With his dark brown eyes and pushed back dark hair framing a slender face. He had this brooding thing going on that all the girls in town just ate right up…Too bad for them; he was dating your best friend Sarah while Tim dated Torri. You reasoned that was why they became friends through their mutual girlfriends being childhood friends because you couldn't imagine any other reason. And Ray was a childhood friend of Sarah; both their Mom's being friends clear back to when they went to this school…And you were the new meat that moved in last year and lucky enough to have Torri dragging you along to meet Sarah and through Sarah you met everyone else. 

Vince eyed Sarah but she looked away…The relationship was on the rocks to say the least. You all complained about the tension in the group. Tim and Vince were friends, Torri and Sarah were friends, Dating... It got complicated. Even more so when there was a huge argument between a couple…And this one was a little more than just an argument…A day before James was killed, Sarah got a disturbing phone call and was attacked in her own home when her Mom was out grocery shopping. And who just so happened to be outside her bedroom window to comfort her once the killer was done terrorizing her?....None other than her strange boyfriend Vince with a cellphone in his pocket…A teen boy having a cell phone for 1994? You knew his Dad was rich but you had to admit that was suspicious. 

After Vince was held for being a suspect in Jessica's death and his phone examined by police; Sarah and him weren't speaking to each other. Vince stood off to the sidelines as you all spoke.

"So…Do the police have any leads on who killed James?" Ray asked.

You shook your head. "No. They're just questioning everyone. Shit, they questioned me twice." 

"...Huh." Ray mumbled.

"...What?" You asked as Ray shrugged.

"That's just interesting and kind of strange, is all." 

Tim walked over and wrapped an arm around his girlfriend. "What's interesting, Ray?" 

"Nothing, just curious about why they're interrogating Buffy again. I mean, they aren't gonna do that unless they..." He trailed off, looking away. 

 "...What? Spit it out." 

He rolled his lips. "...Buffy, didn't you say James called you?" 

You shut your locker with a perplexed expression. "I mean, yeah, but that was obviously before he got killed." 

"And…The police think a phone call lured him out to the field. Right?" 

"...Yes, but I don't see what that has to do with it-" 

"Buffy, why are the police questioning you so much?" 

You scoffed. "The fuck should I know, Ray? I'm the girlfriend! Apparently, I'm a suspect because of it! And the phone call and our rocky relationship and-" 

"The way you showed up to school not too upset?" He blurted out.

Torri repeatedly blinked her eyes and Tim cringed with a hiss at the comment.

You stared in surprise as Sarah spoke up for you. "Ray, I'm sure Buffy is just trying to get through it all. She's processing her boyfriend's death crying out loud. Sometimes people go numb at first…" 

"I get that, okay, I do but why not ask questions like who did it or why?"

"Ray, are you serious? I see you for the first time in days and this is what you're accusing me of? Of course I'm not yelling out conspiracy theories of who did it!" 

He dramatically shrugged. "I don't know! I just know that your boyfriend is dead a week after two of our classmates died and for some reason; the cops are grilling you hard on it…So, unless you can give us someone that had a valid reason for killing him…You're kind of the main suspect here…Sorry Buff." He gave with a grimace. 

"I..." You muttered, "I can't think of anyone that wanted him dead. But..." You trailed off. Subconsciously touching your neck.

Ray's gaze darted to your hand then back up to meet your eyes "But someone who was hurt by him. A lot. Someone who wanted revenge or maybe self defense that got too carried away…If it was self defense or a way out…I can understand but it would be less convincing with two murders last week too." 

You fully turned to him. "What are you trying to say?" 

He mumbled. "Connecting the dots? Or at least trying to." 

Torri rolled her eyes. "Oh god, here we go…Everybody get on your tinfoil hats." She mumbled to herself and looked up at Tim who raised his brows up and down at her. She rolled her eyes at him as well..

Ray scoffed and pointed at her. "Hey, that crop circle years ago in old man Leslie's field was fuckin' real, Victoria."

She glared. "I told you don't call me that, Raymond Wimer." 

Tim chuckled and added. "Weiner, Whiner, W-" 

"Okay, shut up!" Ray snapped at them both. "This isn't a conspiracy theory; it's a survival manual! How to survive a horror movie which we are clearly in right now!" He turned to you. "First rule is everyone can be the killer so why not first question the person that had not only a direct tie to the victim but a motive too."

"Which is?" You deadpanned with an unamused glare.

"Tired of dating an asshole." 

"Wouldn't you be?" You scoffed.

"I mean sure but there's also you and Jessica hating each other..." 

"I didn't hate Jessica! She had a problem with me!" 

Ray continued, "Sure. But come on, even you would be suspicious of one of us! " 

"I would not." You argued with an eye roll.

Torri scowled at Ray. "God, would you get a grip?" 

"Seriously, people grieve differently. Buffy had a confusing relationship anyways and no evidence points to her." Sarah interjected.

"Yes it is! Even in a weird roundabout way! But your own boyfriend is murdered and you don't hardly react? That's not strange to anyone else?" 

"No stranger than you." Torri mumbled as she put her books away and shut her locker. 

You sighed and gave him a pleading stare. "Ray, I am not in the mood for this." 

"I'm just ruling out suspects." 

Everyone cringed as you slammed your locker door shut. Releasing a humorless laugh and staring up at the ceiling before staring at him. "Ooohhh, so I'm a suspect now?" 

"I don't know for sure; Obviously! But someone is! It's someone at this school." 

"And what the hell makes you think it's me?" You sneered at him. 

Ray sighed. "...You're gonna make me say it, huh?" 

Vince gave him an intense glare. "Maybe that's a sign from the Universe to not say it? Ever think of that? Ever think, Ray?"

You noticed how he seemed extremely on edge today. Then again; everyone was. His girlfriend wasn't speaking to him, he was considered a suspect by police at least once already, and a murderer was on the loose. Who the hell wouldn't be?

Ray hesitated but opened his mouth regardless. "Okay...Girlfriend was abused by the wrong side of the tracks asshole and got revenge. Or a lover got tired of sharing and wanted to get rid of the competition..." His eyes darted around to everyone around you as if he was looking for a specific guy.

You let out a bark of laughter in anger and shock. "WOW, you have COMPLETELY lost your mind."

Torri agreed. "God, do you hear yourself? You're accusing a victim's girlfriend of being a cheater and the reason for her man's murder! This isn't what happened last year-..." She clamped her mouth shut as she saw Sarah frown. Vince raised his eyebrows in surprise and Tim clenched his teeth but had mild amusement in his eyes as he simply watched you all go back and forth. 

"Uh, I mean not like that but like...Buffy couldn't even hardly talk to us towards the end because of James. You actually think there was time for two boytoys?" She corrected herself.

"Okay, even a crush. A family member sick of him and his bullshit. Or Buffy..." Ray gave. 

Tim lost the humor in his gaze at that. "Hey man, he was a giant dick. There was probably a whole lot of people that had him on their shit list." 

"Not good enough. He had his face peeled off and his guts around his neck. That's as personal as it gets!" 

Sarah looked away with a nauseated face. Vince had his eyes on Ray the entire time.

You stared at Ray with wide eyes. "You actually think I would do that to my boyfriend?! Ray, I know you're obsessed with those cheap horror movies or those weird articles like 'I married bigfoot and now he pays child support' and what not but you're crossing a fucking line here." 

Ray threw up his hands. "I just know we are being picked off like flies! Jessica and Freddy last week. Now, James this week. Who knows who else is next!" 

You stared at him. "You do realize if I was the killer; you exposing me would be a death wish, right?" 

Ray pointed. "Ah, that's where you're wrong. See,  If I showed up dead especially after this exchange; you would out yourself as the killer." 

"Damn, guess I can't kill you till the climax. You know, the plot twist that exposes me as the killer ALL ALONG!" You mocked before flipping him off.

Tim snorted at that. Torri looked annoyed and ready to lead you by the shoulders away from it all at any moment. Sarah seemed uncomfortable with the entire discussion and ready to leave as well. Vince just watched. His dark eyes boring into Ray.

Torri mumbled. "Remind me why he's in the group again?" 

Tim smirked. "Free movies and good grass." 

"Hey, this is serious!" Ray exclaimed. "Three people dead in a little over a week. We're like sheep led to slaughter here and sending us home is even worse! At least here we have numbers! So excuse me for saying what everyone is thinking and trying to figure out the killer before we're all dead." 

Torri shook her head. "We are not being picked off one by one, you insensitive ass." 

"How is it insensitive to look at the girlfriend looking for an escape or revenge as a suspect? Or someone that likes her and is defending what's theirs? Didn't she spread that rumor about you Buffy? Okay, fuck! You have a motive for killing every single victim so far!" 

You ducked your head in embarrassment at the memory. 

Torri scowled. "Jessica was a bitch. It's hard to tell who wanted her dead other than half the school. Besides, she ran her mouth about everyone because she was mad Freddy fucked every girl that gave him an ounce of attention so how the hell is Buffy that much of suspect?" 

"Ray, stop. I didn't kill my boyfriend, alright?" You harshly gave with a raise of your hand as you looked away.

Ray pointed at you, his face lit up as the idea turned in his mind. "No, no. You're right! You couldn't have done it alone; you're not strong enough. But someone else could have. Someone close... A guy." 

Torri scoffed. "Oh, here we go again. Sexist much?" 

Tim chewed a piece of gum obnoxiously and muttered. "Babe. We've been over this, girls just don't have the stomach for that." 

Torri rolled her eyes. "What is this? A movie from 1954? Am I gonna faint at the sight of blood when I change my maxi later?" 

Tim gagged with a grin. "Ugh, you're on the rag? Is that why you wouldn't do it last night-" 

Ray snapped his finger to get everyone's attention. "Focus people! Someone's killing for Buffy or in relation to Buffy and we'll all be next and maybe even her if we don't solve this pronto." 

"Okay genius, who would that be?" Tim mocked. 

"I don't know...Someone that cared about Buffy." 

Torri scoffed. "That could have been anyone. Buffy is just a sweetie pie." She mocked in a goofy high pitched voice as she went to pinch your cheek and you smacked her hand away with an annoyed huff. 

Ray shook his head. "Well someone must think so too. Buffy was clearly involved, even unintentionally." 

You released a long insufferable groan, practically begging him to just drop it. "Ray... Please. I can discuss these murders any other time but not when it's someone I cared about and my first day back to school." 

"...Did you really care about him?" 

And just like that, he dropped the biggest bomb possible. You jerked your head back to his direction in shock at what he said. Your mouth hung open and you didn't know WHAT to say. You should. You should have been crying. You should have been livid.

But you weren't. You were speechless. Cause deep down inside, you had to ask yourself that same question.

"Ray, what the hell?" Sarah groaned as she picked up her bag, ready to leave this entire exchange. 

Ray got flustered as he tried defending his argument he knew went too far. "I'm just stating a very obvious question! He hurt you and was shitty! Did you really care about him or were you only with him because you had to be and someone helped you get rid of him?" 

He received glares and threw his hands up. 

"Oh, so we can talk about Jessica being hung out to dry last week just like Sarah's Dad was but not James' face being torn off?..." He saw the wide eyed look on Sarah's face and his own dropped. "O-Oh…Oh, shit, Sarah sorry-" 

Sarah looked away rolling her lips as everyone else glared at Ray. Torri put her arm around Sarah to lead her away.

You looked away at the mental image burning in your mind. Ray had a tight lipped frown on his face as he gave you an earnest look. 

"Look...I'm sorry, Buffy. I know I'm coming off as a jerk. I don't want to think you did it but somehow you are involved even by association. If we figure it out; it could save you if you're not involved."

You didn't look at him. Just getting your bag and getting ready to bolt.

"Oh, come on! I'm being the bad guy for wanting to connect dots and save lives here?

You snapped as everyone was starting to walk away from him. "There are no fucking dots, Ray! Jessica and her boyfriend were just another pair of classmates we barely talked to! James was my fucking boyfriend!" 

Tim scoffed as his girlfriend started leading Sarah away. "Man, lay off would ya? He was just some random victim." 

Ray was emotionally backed into a corner after speaking without thinking. He was clearly growing frustrated with you all. Tension in your friend group was thick anyways and this was making it 10 times worse.

"No he wasn't, can't you all see that?!" Ray exclaimed, "If YN wasn't sicking someone on him then anyone that cared seeing bruises the size of golfballs on her neck would have -" 

"HEY!" Vince released a yell that made you all jump and Sarah and Torri turn back around. You didn't think you ever saw him that mad or use that tone as he got up into Ray's face. "When are you going to take a fucking hint that YN doesn't want to talk about it and neither does anyone else?!"

Ray swallowed hard. "...I'm just sayin-" 

Vince grabbed Ray by his shirt as you heard Ray's head hit the locker. "You're always saying. When do you shut the fuck up? You're pointing an awful lot of fingers at other people. How do we know you're not the one doing it?" 

"Vince, stop!" Sarah exclaimed and ran back to the scene as Tim got between them and tried discreetly breaking it up before Vince swung on Ray. 

Tim cringed at Vince with an anxious laugh. "Heh, Jeez! Down boy. No need to go all Rottweiler on him." 

Vince backed away as he continued to glare at Ray who looked petrified. You didn't understand why. Sure, Vince seemed pissed but they all grew up together and talked daily…Was this anxiety and murders really hurting your group that much? 

"You need to read the room, douchebag." Vince growled out. He glanced at you from the corner of his eye before looking away. 

Sarah replied, "You need to calm down, there's no reason-" 

Vince interrupted her, "I thought you weren't talking to me?" He scowled, "Let me guess. Me sticking up for your friend Is just evidence I'm sick and probably the killer, right?" 

She scoffed as her voice rose in anger. "I would never say that!"

"But that's what you still think, isn't it? That I'm involved." 

Tim tried getting their attention by clearing his throat. His head jerked to the end of the hall with a tense expression. They all glanced to see Principal Craven watching them like a hawk near his office door.

You saw Miss Ryan come out of her classroom at the same time the Principal came from his office. She quickly went over to all of you, waving a hand at the Principal that she had it under control as she glared at Torri and then everyone else.

"What's going on here?" She demanded, looking between all of you. 

Vince bit his lip anxiously, staring intently back at Ray before shaking his head. "Nothing Miss Ryan...See ya Buffy, Tim...Sarah." He frowned at the mention of her name before leaving. 

Sarah sighed, watching him leave with her own sad expression.

Torri rolled her eyes and hissed out low to her older sister. "Nothing, Dar." 

"Yeah, well it doesn't look like nothin' so how about you do us both a favor and stop getting yourself into trouble? Especially with certain…People." Darlene Ryan gave a distasteful look Tim's way as he grinned at her.

"You look damn good today, Darlene! Seriously, is that a new perfume I smell?" 

"You call me Ms. Ryan on school grounds, Mr. Harris." She cooly gave with an annoyed look. Her youthful face made her look not much older than all of you if it wasn't for her conservative teacher-esque outfit she wore.

Tim gave a mock sad face. "Aw, but we're practically family here! Wedding bells might be chimin'." Torri smiled up at him at that.

Darlene gave him an insufferable look. "Torri, get your boyfriend and friends out of here and don't get in any more trouble, you hear me? My job is on the line everytime I intervene." 

Torri gave her sister a smartass expression. "Then stop intervening. I'm a big girl, I can handle myself. I don't need my sis to come to the rescue." 

Torri started walking away with Sarah and Tim as Darlene called out. "Now what did Mom say?! When you're at school; I'm your teacher and you treat me with respect!" 

Torri ignored her and you looked at Ms. Ryan. Giving her a frown. "Sorry, Ms. Ryan…" Before looking at Ray one last time and leaving too. 

You hurried down the hall. A few students looked at you as you passed. 

You specifically heard a guy whisper, "She got James killed. This town is filled with skanks." 

"She hangs out with Sarah Pierce, what do you expect?" Another guy replied.

You ran down the hall after that. The walls felt too close, too many people, your head spun. You passed a newspaper article on the bulletin board.

"Local Woodsboro teen James Fedrick Davis was found mutilated in a field near his home. Suspected Homicide. Does Deadwood have a serial killer?" 

[thegrimreaper-probably]

Fuck Being Me

Spider-Man (any) x villain reader

Trigger warning- the police shot you and ya die

Based on Sky Like Dreams

I stare at Peter Parker. God I hated him, he was here to stop me from running. The edge of the roof builds up with dust like wall surrounding us. The sirens turn to background noise.

“This is enough, Y/n! Come back with me, go back to being Y/n.” He pulls his mask off showing his face.

“Fuck being underrated. I wanna have everything they did Guns, bitches, weed, money, YSL, gold chain, Maserati, penthouse, helicopter… Fame.” The wall behind me let’s some light in showing the items.

“You weren’t underrated. Y/n what have you become?” I pause and turn.

“What your lookin' at baby is a motherfucking legend in the making.” I raise my arms out and smirk. The wall changes to crowds of people behind me. I turn to leave but he webs my shoulder.

“Your family would hate you if they saw you.”

“And Ben/Tony wouldn’t feel the same about you?” He throws another web, he drags me over and hits me in the face. I have my dust come out and cover the roof going into his lungs. He drops me and starts coughing. I step away and let him breath. I turn to leave by jumping to the next building.

“I know what I’m doing.” I say.

BAM.

I look up to Y/n. She starts to fall back but I catch her. I put pressure on her wound, I whisper that she’ll be fine.

“I just wanted to be like them.”

“I know, you be fine, a legend.”

“Don’t lie, we both know I’m going to die here in your arms. And for the rest of your life, I'll be there. I'll be stuck in your head like the roots of your hair.”

“Don’t talk like that.”

“Stuck in your head like the roots of your hair.” She grabs my faces and kisses me with her last of her will.

The funeral was a few days after. Her family showed up with Aunt May and I. Her favorite song plays in the back, funny how it perfectly described her life. I stand in front of her grave,

“Y/n L/n.”

“A legend in the making.”

[yveltalreal]

ME WHEN MY GRANDMA DIES AND THEN ZYGARDES BITCH ASS SHOWS UP AND TELLS ME THE BALANCE OF LIFE AND DEATH IS FUCKED AND WE GOTTA FIX IT. MOTHERFUCKER. ITS YOUR JOB I DIDNT EVEN DO ANYTHING MY GRANDMA IS DEAD AND NOW I GOTTA MISS HER FUCKING FUNERAL BECAUSE “it shows them that xerneas and yveltal are capable of fixing messes, not just causing them” OKAY SO WHERE DO I PLAY INTO THIS???