#pill first 90% of the time

[jfkisonthemoon]

average married couple.

[prettyboysdontlookatexplosions]

years ago i read a cal newport book where he said we can focus for ~90 minutes at a stretch and that sounds arbitrary and made up and maybe it is but man it’s kind of uncanny how often it happens that i feel myself flagging in my first right-after-waking-up stretch of getting work done and i look at my time tracking app and it’s within 5 minutes of an hour and a half

[haledamage]

well, after many phone calls, I think I'll finally have my meds again on Monday 🥳

...a full month after I ordered them 😒

[copperbadge]

Recently I ran across an article about an art center that was doing creative expression classes for people with disabilities. Not that unusual, I've encountered that and trauma-oriented art therapy before, but it was the first time I'd come across the idea since getting diagnosed with ADHD. While the class was aimed more at high-needs disabilities, it occurred to me that I could -- if I wanted -- make non-prose art about being disabled.

Outside of my work in scene design I've never been much of a visual artist because I've never felt I had the combination of "something to say" and "a meaningful way to say it", but I started to question how meaningful and complex I really had to be to just make some statements about having ADHD. I can do it in prose, after all.

So I started thinking about how you would talk, in visual language, about things like time blindness, shame stemming from undiagnosed disability, the shift in behavior that medication can induce. Ways to express my condition to people who don't experience it. I still didn't really know how to build the pieces but whenever I went to an art museum I'd think about how I might do a gallery installation. The centerpiece of my mental gallery was a pair of barcodes, one marked "Neurotypical" and one marked "Neurodivergent".

[ID: An interior view of a small booklet, with pages marked 1 and 2, showing barcodes -- on the left, labeled Neurotypical, and on the right, in slightly weirder configuration, labeled Neurodivergent.]

And then I thought, why not make a zine? Nothing you're thinking of couldn't be put in zine form instead of on a gallery wall.

[ID: The booklet continues to pages 3 and 4; on page 3 is a postage-style label reading AUTISM with up arrows on either side, and on page 4 is a QR code labeled ADHD. The QR code technically should work but it just dumps a block of text I wrote about having ADHD into a browser.]

I grew up with zine culture in the 90s and I always wanted to make one but much like with visual art, I never felt like I had the right kind of thing to say; either I had too much to say or too little, and anyway I wasn't confident that what I wanted to do wouldn't just come off as trite and obvious. But you can make a six-page zine out of a single sheet of paper, so I did: I made Helpful Labels For Strange Brains by idab zines, a division of Extribulum Press. (i--dab is a term for a cuneiform tablet that contains a royal communication.)

[ID: The last two pages feature the same image -- a cereal bowl with a spoon in it, the spoon containing a single Adderall pill. One image, however, is captioned "Wake up. Pour yourself a cup of iced coffee. Fix a bowl of cereal. It's going to be a good day." while the other is covered in a detailed ADHD-style step-by-step process for the same actions, culminating in "It's going to be a day like that."]

I'm pretty pleased with how it came out -- the art all looks intentional and it still has that "taped this together after school" aesthetic I remember fondly from the 90s. And the confines of six pages, each only a few inches square, offers a good structure to keep things clear, simple, and meaningful.

[ID: The cover of the zine, labeled "Helpful Labels For Strange Brains" in a kind of esoteric stampy font.]

Especially nice is that if you wanted to you could just hand out the flat sheet, and let folks fold it into a booklet or not -- there's instructions for folding it on the back of the zine. Additionally I have some sticker backed printer paper so I could print it such that you could literally turn the labels into real labels.

Anyway if you want it, here ya go. You can print it on a single sheet of paper and follow the instructions on the back to fold it. I thought about selling it but I do not have the spoons to do a bunch of printing and folding and shipping.

[thejakeformerlyknownasprince]

I really want you to get started on Jurassic Park now after reading your tags.

All right, you asked for it! This post is going to be long because I've been rereading Jurassic Park since I was about 10 years old. But. My thoughts:

Jurassic Park is the oldest story in the world: one about hubris, and the price men pay for their ignorance of nature. From the first moment the protagonists step foot on the island, they can see it. There are poisonous plants next to the pool because they "look pretty." The harbor has no retaining wall because tropical storms aren't considered important. And there's a steep price for that hubris. Wu doesn't bother to learn the dinosaurs' names before breeding them, Nedry ignores them as unprogrammable, Malcolm mansplains them to their own creators, Regis laughs at the idea of them escaping, Hammond relentlessly monetizes them, Arnold insists he can control them... And they all get eaten by dinosaurs. It's the characters with the good sense to be overawed and scared (Muldoon, Gennaro, the paleontologists, the kids) who make it out alive. Almost paradigm.

More specifically, it's a book about the most fundamental principle of engineering: be scared, be confused, and then do something anyway. Then do something else, then something else, until something works. Timmy isn't a master hacker in the book; he's just (unlike Grant) willing to push buttons on the computer until he finds the power grid. Gennaro's still a scaredy cat in the book, but he clenches his teeth and goes into the velociraptor nest anyway. The heroic characters are the ones who conclude someone has to do something, despite not knowing what that something is. The villainous ones are the ones who refuse responsibility.

Speaking of which, can we talk about Ian Malcolm? I'm a sucker for a good Cassandra character, especially one that manages to get even the genre-savvy reader rolling their eyes and going "will you shut up?" And Malcolm is one of the best, every off-putting academic habit rolled into one: He thinks he's better than other people for not liking sports. He brags about not caring about appearances and then comments on Sattler's legs. He assumes Hammond has read his monograph and — when Hammond reveals he hasn't — pulls out a copy that he keeps on his person at all times to have Hammond read on the plane. He smugly explains that other characters should've foreseen they'd be killed by dinosaurs, only to be killed by dinosaurs. He calls his theory the Malcolm Effect. I do love Jeff Goldblum's gentler, more charming take on the character ("See, here, now I'm sitting by myself, talking to myself, that's chaos theory" I say literally every time I ask a question of someone who just left the room). But I prefer the way original Malcolm gets away with being right about everything because we so so badly want him to be wrong.

Speaking of that comment about the legs: by the low low bar of 80s/90s thriller writers, Crichton is surprisingly progressive. Jurassic Park invites us to laugh with (and roll our eyes with) Sattler, every time someone expresses shock the world's top paleobotanist is a woman. The Lost World perfectly captures the "women in STEM have to be twice as competent to get half the respect" dynamic, and it's a story about the male characters over-estimating their own competence as the female ones go about saving the day. Race isn't handled perfectly, but it is discussed in both books. Malcolm's chauvinism is designed to make everything else he says a bitter pill, to poison us against him. Crichton's no feminist. But Sattler's hardiness — later Harding's and Kelly's as well — are shown as hard-won in a world that batters nerdy girls so hard that only the toughest survive.

And Malcolm is just one of the many ways Jurassic Park masterfully lampoons scientific bullshit. After little Tina is bitten by a "strange lizard" and nearly dies from the swelling, Dr. Cruz assures her parents that lizards bite zookeepers all the time, that some people are allergic to lizard venom, and that the lizard Tina drew resembles a basilisk — and then we cut to him talking to his fellow MD. Where we find out that lizards don't attack humans in the wild, no human they know of has ever been hospitalized for a lizard bite, basilisks aren't venomous, and Tina's condition doesn't resemble an allergic reaction. They have no idea what this "lizard" (a Procompsognathus) could be or how it poisoned this kid, but they've been taught to obfuscate rather than admit that. Scientists are arrogant, and ignorant of their ignorance.

But the book is every bit as positive about empiricism as it is negative about individual scientists. The seamless way Crichton blends science fiction with science fact gets me every time. His preface connects Watson & Crick to Swanson & Boyer to Malcolm & Levine, explaining each step of the research process as he goes. He goes on to explain how Genetech developed its ideas from IBM, and that IBM and Genetech both contributed to InGen, which in turn influenced Biosyn, funded by Hamaguri... and only two of those names are fictional, but don't worry about which. Crichton does his homework, and then he presents his homework in the most compelling way of any writer I've ever encountered.

You need no further proof than the technologies — satellite phones, electric cars, touchscreens, gene editing — that were sci fi in 1990, commonplace today. Crichton did the reading. And he rolls that science out ever-so-slowly: dribbling first the mystery of the worker with a 3-foot gash in his torso who claims a bird of prey did it, then the mystery of the resort that needs the world's most powerful data storage, then the mystery of the billionaire who calls in the middle of the night with "urgent" questions about what baby dinosaurs eat... Until even 10-year-old me could look at that picture of a fractal and go "ohhh, I see how the unstable phase shifts of chaos theory explain the fact that a thunderstorm caused that guy to get eaten by a T. rex." Almost paradigm.

And all Jurassic Park's banging on about chaos theory belies a deep understanding of how interconnected ecosystems are. Animals, like plants, like subatomic particles, must be understood holistically. Pretending that the best way to learn the truth of any system is through breaking it down "is like saying scrambled eggs and bacon for breakfast is human nature. It's nothing of the sort. It's uniquely Western training." Crichton clearly loves biology: "a single fertilized egg has a 100,000 genes, which act in a coordinated way, switching on and off at specific times, to transform that single cell... A house is simple in comparison. But even so, workmen build the stairs wrong, they put the sink in backward, the tile man doesn't show up when he's supposed to. All kinds of things go wrong. And yet the fly that lands on the workman's lunch is perfect." And he clearly hates what capitalism has done to biotechnology.

Hammond the venture capitalist is a perfectly despicable villain: No dinosaurs have escaped, because I said so. If there are problems, no there aren't. Put on a good show for investors, no matter how many contractors die in the process. Talk about all the "good" the park will do by making tons of money. The kids are stranded and the tech expert's dead? No they're not, because I said so, now pass the ice cream. It's truly a delight watching him get eaten by dinosaurs.

For that matter, Jurassic Park is bursting with details of style over substance. There are cutesy Apatosaurus cutouts in the hotel rooms and bars on the widows, a half-finished restaurant covered in Pterosaur poop, and a celebrity-narrated tour track that can't synchronize with the dinosaurs. It's trying to be Disney World, and it's actually a roadside zoo. The signage — "When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth," the hand-lettered "Welcome to Jurassic Park", the room (and department) called "Control" — isn't subtle in its irony. But it is fun.

Which is yet another great sci fi trick. "Our funding is infinite but our peer review sucks" perfectly sets up the blend of the accurate with the plot-fueling (likely why Crichton reuses it several times). Why are there Pterosaurs in a dinosaur park? Our funding is infinite but our peer review sucks. Why are so many Cretaceous dinosaurs in Jurassic Park? Our funding is infinite but our peer review sucks. You didn't know Dilophosaurus is venomous? Our funding is infinite... It's perfect, because it's the opposite of how the scientific process usually works. Again: Crichton knows his shit, and he knows how to communicate it.

Like, even when I'm reading Sphere or Terminal Man — books where I'm perfectly aware I know more than Crichton on the subject, not in the least because their science inevitably became outdated — I still find myself believing, at least for the length of the story. You don't have to suspend disbelief when reading Crichton's work; he hoists it into the stratosphere for you. Half the time he won't give it back even after you're done. Almost paradigm.

But despite all that nerdery, Jurassic Park is still a rocking adventure story that builds momentum until it smashes to its conclusion at 70 miles an hour, ending the millisecond it can do so with not a word of denouement. You can practically hear that last deep piano note on the final words. It's cinematic as hell. This is Crichton post-Westworld, pre-Twister, the ultimate adventure writer. He reads, clearly, avoiding the errors of sci fi amateurs who watch too many movies (the T. rex has a distinctive smell, the island is relentlessly humid, so on) but he knows how to make a tight fast-moving story that you can consume in under three hours. His imagery is powerful, his pacing is on point, and his plot sucks you in and shoots you out like a water slide.

Jurassic Park is fun. It's informative. It makes you laugh, and gasp, and sigh, and think. It has its flaws (Harding Sr. fades out in the 3rd act, Grant's Maiasaura expertise never pays off) but those are minor in a book that stands up so well to rerereading. Almost paradigm.

[axelsagewrites]

Aegon Targaryen*Daughter

Pairing: aegon x mum!reader

Word count: 1904

Warnings: unexpected pregnancy, aegon having a bad reaction, absent father, mentions of alcholism and drug abuse, mentions of birth/morning sickness, aegon coming back

Part one here or read alone

Masterlist Here

“Pregnant? You can’t be- you’re not- how?” you sat back as Aegon shot up from your bed, instantly pacing the bedroom as he tried to come to terms with it. you couldn’t blame him you suppose. After all you’d spent a whole week trying to convince yourself it was a lie and your roommate had to literally slap some sense into you. “But we were so safe?”

“Condoms aren’t perfect I guess,”

“But you were on the pill,”

“Its only like 90 something percent effective, look I don’t know,” you let out an exasperated sigh as Aegon looked at you with eyes bulging out his skull.

He walked over and picked up the test, “Maybe you did it wrong,”

“I didn’t do it wrong Aegon I did 20 of them!” you snapped, instantly regretting it as he sunk down on the bed next to you.

You went to speak but he finally broke the silence but broke your heart at the same time, “You’re getting rid of it right?” ‘it’. the words hit like a brick colliding with glass.

“I hadn’t decided yet,” you admitted in a quite voice but loud enough for Aegon to rub his hands over his eyes before dropping his head between his knees, “But we’ll figure it out Aegon. We’ll make it work,” you told him, trying to rub his back but he snapped back up.

“Maybe you can,” he said, his voice cracking, “Not me. I can’t be a dad. Look at me!” he said, standing up and pointing to himself like he was an exhibition, “I am a fucking mess I can’t raise a kid! Ill break it!” he said as he started to pace again.

“They’re not it!” you yelled back standing up too.

“Don’t yell at me!” he screamed as he turned around, his eyes instantly softening when he saw you stepping back, “I’m so- “

“Get out,” you managed to grit out through clenched teeth, “You don’t get to talk to me like that. Leave. Now,”

Aegon paused, his hand half reached out to try comfort you before he sighed and turned around. He headed to the door with his head hung low, “If you need me to go to the doctors- “he started to mumble as he reached for the door handle.

“I won’t need you. ever. You’ve made that clear enough,” you forced the words out your mouth even though they burned you to even saw them. You saw his heart shatter, but you didn’t care as you laid a hand on your stomach.

-

Telling your parents was defiantly not something you looked forward to. You told your best friend Heleana first who offered to fly out the next weekend to see you, but you insisted you were fine. She however insisted on being there to tell your parents to make sure you were okay. the whole time you refused to tell her who the father was.

“Who’s the dad?” your mother asked after a very long and teary-eyed conversation.

Your eyes wandered to Heleana. She reached for your hand and tried to say something, but you cut her off, “I’m so sorry Hel,” you whispered making her tilt her head. You cleared your throat and spoke up so they could all hear, “Its Aegon,”

Heleana’s grip on your hand loosened as her eyes fell to the floor. For a moment you thought you’d lost her too btu then you felt her hand squeeze yours again, “What did he say?” she asked but she could tell from the look on your face, “I will fucking kill him,”

-

It was the first time you’d heard her swear but not the last time it was brought up when discussing Aegon. You ended up telling her the full story later that night and she was ready to fly out and kill him. the only issue was no one knew where he was. Alicent was used to that by now though you could see it begin to weigh on her know he’d been gone for 3 months.

You however were now 4 months pregnant, postponing school, and unable to hide it any longer. “Alicent?” you asked as you awkwardly shuffled into the room with Aemond and Heleana behind you as backup. Aemond had sussed it out pretty quickly though was equally shocked by the father when you told him.

Alicent smiled at you from where she sat on the sofa reading her novel, “Is everything alright dear?”

“I need to tell you something,”

-

Alicent was silent as she processed it all before suddenly taking your hands with a teary smile but a happy one still, “Thank you for telling me sweetheart. Its going to be okay,” And for a while it was. Well, if you didn’t mind the morning sickness and ballooning to the size of a small house. That and still no one had heard from Aegon.

Heleana had helped pick out the decorations for the nursery in your new flat. Yes, a new flat paid for by Alicent. Well technically it was one of her rentals she had inherited when her father died but she decided to let you live there free of charge as well as telling you she’d help out when you decided to go back to school.

Aemond helped you get a job in the restaurant he’d been at for years and even though working as a waitress could be draining at the best of times you knew it would be worth it. especially now you were holding your daughter in your arms.

She was adorable with tuffs of blonde, white hair covering her perfect head. She was such a giggly baby, always gurgling away with a smile. Heleana had to go back to university, but Alicent made sure to adjust her schedule to have the baby when you were at work. Everything was finally feeling good again.

“Hush little baby doesn’t say a word,” you whisper sang to your baby as your nighttime routine with her, but she was already out from a long day at the park with her gran. As you laid her in her crib you heard the doorbell ring.

You froze, watching your daughter who initially stirred but luckily didn’t wake. You quickly padded to the front door, shutting the room to the nursery as you did. when you looked through the peep hole you felt your stomach tighten but still you reached for the door handle.

“Aegon?” you asked as he began to turn and walk away, probably assuming you weren’t in.

He spans back around, “Hey. I- “he began to stutter, “My brother said I could find you here,” you mentally cursed Aemond but stayed standing in the doorway, “I needed to talk to you,”

“Maybe I don’t want to talk to you,”

You saw the hurt in his eyes, but you didn’t care. well at least you tried not to. “I should go,” he muttered, turning to leave once more.

You sighed. Even if you hated him for what he said he was still your daughter’s father, “Wait!” you called out, wincing at the noise you made. Aegon turned back, “Come in,” you sighed.

He walked in in silence, sitting down on the couch you pointed him to as you sat in your armchair. You turned to the table beside you and flicked the baby monitor on. “How is she?” Aegon broke the silence with his head hanging low.

“She’s okay,” you paused but decided to go on, “She’s got your hair but my eyes and all she ever does is laugh,”

“Just like you then?” Aegon smiled softly, looking up as for the first time in a year you shared a smile with him, “I’m sorry. For what I said, for even thinking it,” he began, the smile fading, “I fucked up. Nothing I can say will fix it and I don’t think ill ever make it up to you,” he took a deep breath before continuing, “But I won’t be my father. I don’t want to only see her at Christmas and sign some cheque to pretend I care. I want to be there for her, and you. if you’ll let me,”

He said it so sincerely, but you couldn’t help the pit in your stomach, “What if you leave again?” you whispered. “I didn’t even know where you went,”

“I won’t,” he said firmly, “I know I fucked up. That night I left, and I ended up back at square one. Maybe less than one. All I remember is me leaving then waking up in a field surrounded by broken bottles. I couldn’t face you after. Not after how hard you worked to help me,”

“I kept it up for a bit, the drinking. Bounced around some houses sleeping on couches. Drank myself to sleep every night,” he continued his ramble, all while his eyes stared at the empty ground, “Then one night I was drunk again at a party and some guy offered me something. I almost took it. but something just snapped,”

“I checked myself into rehab the next day. Aemond’s been helping me, but he refused to tell me anything about you or well her. I couldn’t blame him. I was there for about four months. Got sober. Got better. Got another therapist. Ended up getting some jobs here and there. I work down at the Carstark Warehouses. Pays not much but enough to get by,”

Aegon paused again and finally looked up, “I really am sorry. I don’t expect you to forgive me or feel bad, but I am sorry,” he said as he pulled an envelope out his pocket, “Take it,”

“I don’t need your money,”

Aegon sighed as he leaned forward and held it out to you. hesitantly you took it. inside was letters though. You pulled them out. At least thirteen of them, you weren’t too sure as your eyes began to well up. Some were to you, but most was to your daughter. “I brought this too,” he said making you look up.

He was holding a white plush bunny, your favourite animal, with a bow on its neck. “I got it when I saw my mums post on Facebook with the baby. I thought she should have it,” he said as he reached out to give it to you.

You shook your head this time, “No. you should give it to her. not me,” you said as you stood up, “You want to see her?”

Aegon shot out his seat, rubbing the sweat of his palms on his jeans, “Yeah course,”

You nodded as you led him to her nursery, “She’s asleep so you need to be quiet. I don’t want to wake her,” Aegon nodded as you creeped the door open.

Together you both walked in and for a moment before you turned around you thought he might run away again. However, when you turned and saw his awestricken face staring at your daughter you somehow knew he wouldn’t. he tenderly walked over to the crib, a tear trickling down his cheek as he held the crib by its rails. “I can’t believe I missed her being here,” he whispered so softly you barely heard him.

“You’re here now,” you whispered back, rubbing a hand on one of his shoulders while leaning on the others. “Just please don’t leave again,”

“I won’t. I’m never going anywhere again,”

General taglist: @strvngestark @headinfantasy @meg-ro @427120lxld @obx-josie18 @ravenmoore14 @tessakate @justtilly @jjkjbhj @clairacassidy @valeskafics @meg-ro

HOTD taglist @jmii722 @hypocritic-trash-baby @starkleila @jacesvelaryons @sashadevil766

Part One Tags: @heavenly1927 @aemonds-holy-milk

[clowntiggles]

I'M BACK AND I COME BEARING HEADCANONS

DOEY MY MAN DOEY THEY COULD NEVER MAKE ME HATE YOU

He is a tickle monster first and foremost. He's giant and a shapeshifter, it's practically hardwired into him.

And he's a caretaker, as if he needed any more coding.

Games of tickle monster are very common in the Safe Haven, and he's honed his beastly performance to a fine art. Even the older toys run in (fake) fear. He takes any chance he gets to play monster, it's as much a distraction for him as it is for them (and he likes being little devious).

SO teasy, terrifyingly teasy. When he's not playing monster, he's baby talking you into an early grave or playing innocent, like he's never even HEARD of tickling before and he has NO IDEA why you're laughing so much and he simply MUST investigate this.

Sprinkles puns in there for good measure. What do you mean they're bad -- you're laughing, clearly you find them hilarious!

Of course, even the mightiest beasts have their own weaknesses.

Since he's a shapeshifter who can bend metal beams with ease, it's safe to say tickling him is a challenge. But no matter how many arms he gives himself, he doesn't have eyes in the back of his head, and he can be caught off guard and overwhelmed as much as anyone else.

Ticklish basically everywhere, mostly because his torso is 90% of his body. He doesn't really react much to light touches, but kneading and other such things have him cackling in no time.

It only takes a few rounds of tickle monster for the others in Safe Haven to develop a taste for vengeance. At the end of the day, it doesn't take much planning or coordination to go "everyone get his ass".

It's one of the few situations where his strength is actively detrimental. He can't risk hurting the 30-odd kids and teens viciously attacking him, so he has to stay as still as possible while being tickled half to death.

His immediate reaction is to curl up like a pill bug and tuck all his limbs in, both to protect himself (it doesn't work) and to protect whoever's tickling him from potentially dangerous flailing (this part works, fortunately). However, if he doesn't get his nervous energy out somehow he'll simply explode, so all of it goes to his legs, disrupting his protection ball. His habit of kicking and stomping can betray his ticklishness before something even tickles enough to make him laugh.

His laugh is the silliest collection of sounds ever. It changes cadence wildly the way his regular voice does, oscillating from loopy giggles to belly laughs to rough barks, and unlike his voice he has no control where it chooses to go.

DOES NOT SHUT UP; any time he can talk though his laughter he will be talking, even if all he can get out are muddled words and scraps of sentences. Yet oddly enough he never tells whoever tickles him to stop huh that's so weird I wonder why that is.

Whenever someone tickles him he kind of HAS to let them do it for their own safety, but aside from that little concern he genuinely enjoys it. Protecting the Safe Haven (and being basically the only adult figure in the area) is a stressful, exhausting job. Seeing the kids happy lets him know that his efforts are worth it, and being able to laugh so freely takes his mind off of things, even if only for a few moments.

Final note, does stuff going through his body tickle? Yes and no. It mostly doesn't. Both inside and outside have pretty much the same level of tactile perception because it's all the same material, so when something goes through him he can feel it like he were touching it "normally", and it's generally not a ticklish feeling the way most things you touch aren't ticklish. But because it's the same amount of feeling, it CAN be ticklish.

Stuff inside his body can't move very freely due to the pressure of being surrounded by several hundred pounds of playdough, so it generally isn't enough to make him laugh, but it can be enough to make him squirm and kick and his voice wobble.

The scenario I'm imagining is that the player tries to grab him with he grabpack, only for him to grab it right back by letting the hand sink into his torso. He intends to hold onto it while giving them a scolding about how we do NOT use our grabpack on others, but the player constantly tugging on the cord and making the hand move quickly begins to take the bite out of his voice, much to his chagrin.

[rowretro]

꧁ＤＲＵＧＳ ＆ ＭＯＮＥＹ꧂

✧warnings: Yandere themes, toxic themes, drugs, drug addict reader, abuse

♤synopsis: Nishimura Riki. One of the most well feared mafia sons, is filthy rich, He was never really interested in dating, hating the idea of putting all his trust, love, blood sweat and tears into one person. Then he laid his eyes on you, a broken, barely appreciated, drug addict. (Riki's "I love you 3000" cover was playing in my head non stop while writing this- I need him in my life frfr)

✧♤✧♤✧♤𝕯𝕽𝖀𝕲𝕾 & 𝕸𝕺𝕹𝕰𝖄♤✧♤✧♤✧

Get up, get ready, clean up, go to school, get high and arrive at her apartment late as fuck. That was Y/ns daily routine. She's high 90% of the time, filling the massive hole her parents stabbed in her heart, with weed, Whiskey and pills. She had nothing to lose. Her parents always hated her, the reason never clear. So she moved out at 16, and got her own small apartment, a very decent one. Now she's yet to turn 18 in a few weeks, yet she's making bad decisions back and forth

She had fallen in love many times, but she always ended up getting hurt, or being a burden. So she'd turn to her fellow, Jack Daniels and Marijuana for some company. No one ever visited her... so she was beyond surprised when she heard her doorbell ring. High out of her mind, she answered it, not thinking of the potential dangers that may be lurking behind the door.

"Fuck- you got a first aid kit?" He asked, shutting the door and barricading it. Y/n pouted as she started to think "Clearly you're high. I'll go find it myself." He said, as he walked through the clean, plain hallways. Of course he found a brand new, unused first aid kit, however, what he didn't find was any photos of your family or at least parents. No sign of a boyfriend, or anyone else who might live there.

The strong stench of Cannabis filling his nostrils as he groaned. The male treated his own wounds that were barely painful to him. He walked into the living room only to find the girl lying on the ground, high out of her mind. Y/n had fallen asleep on the cold, marble floor despite being so high and having a fever, but she was used to it and she was too lazy to move.

Riki however, found it cute. He found her cute. God she's too cute, so short, so clueless, and so stupid. He really wanted to know what you were like when you were sober, but when examining all the munchies you had randomly scattered in the kitchen, he realized that may be a challenge. So he decided to stay until you wake up.

Never would he have ever found himself cleaning up a girl's home, picking up a girl's underwear and putting it in the laundry basket, carrying a girl to her bed and tucking her in. But I'll tell you one thing. He fucking loved it. He loves taking care of this girl, he only just practically met her but... he really wants her. He's a mafia he can have whatever the fuck he wants.

That's how Y/n found herself in a massive, luxurious mansion. Guards here and there, all her artwork in a big room with all the art supplies an artist could dream for. A perfect yet psychotic man who seems to be on a murder rampage on the daily. It has been 1 month since the male kidnapped her saying that he's in love with her and will even marry her. However the place was missing something she lived her whole life on...

"I CAN'T FUCKING DO IT FUCK SAKE RIKI! GIVE ME MY WEED FOR FUCKSAKE!" She screamed, crying and kicking her bedsheets, yanking at her hair as she screamed. The male slapped her painfully hard, pulling her to himself "FUCKING PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER Y/N!" he yelled as the girl just cried in his embrace "Y-you don't understand ki... it's hard! it hurts, I need them I really do- I'm fucking weak I can't- sobriety is so fucking overrated! please- im begging you please!" She cried as the male just hugged her closely.

With drawl is extremely hard, and for a teenager to have to go through something like that, without her parents to support her is extremely hard. But someone really loves her, a man who'd kill for her and is even willing to die for her. So she will put through it. Fighting with every last bit of energy she has. Riki would keep an eye on her when she does have alcohol, making sure she stays within a limit. He let her buy a vape, just to help her lay off of the drugs.

He knew that all this was all worth it. because when the struggle is over, Y/n will realize that he truly loves her, and no matter what crazy shit he does, she will always run into his arms, and yearn for his touch. "I love you Ki... I'm glad you kidnapped me you know?... I've never been love like this before..." She admitted, her head pressed against his chest, as her body was shielded by his loving arms.

Y/n melted in his embrace, closing her eyes with a smile when she felt his perfect, plush lips on her forehead. Those lips, the only drug she's addicted to and will never let herself get over. "I love you too my darling..." he said with a smile, cradling her in his arms, his head rested against hers, theirs eyes closed as they sat before the fireplace, comforted by the relaxing sounds of their heartbeats.

✧♤✧♤✧♤𝕯𝕽𝖀𝕲𝕾 & 𝕸𝕺𝕹𝕰𝖄♤✧♤✧♤✧

[stari-hun]

Everything Anya does in the plot of Mouthwashing on the day of the crash and esp afterwards is for her own self preservation first and foremost. Every decision she makes is to keep herself alive and from being brutalized by Jimmy again. Everything in Mouthwashing foils to another aspect of the plot and game, and if Anya told Curly that SA was involved in her pregnancy and he just didn’t care then so many things wouldn’t make sense. Curly and Jimmy were best friends and knew each other long before the Tulpar, he literally GOT him onto the Tulpar. Anya isn’t dumb she’s super smart, her self preservation and the fact that she’s been suffering from Jimmy’s harassment so long shows in the way that she appeases him. She knows he needs constant reassurance that he’s in control which is why she has him give Curly his pills. It’s a task to reassure him that can’t inherently kill Curly without him directly intending to. Despite his quickness to abandon Curly once he pinned the crash onto him, they would’ve been very obviously close to everyone else. Jimmy’s harassment would’ve been clear far before the assault in the same way that it was close to the crash. But why didn’t Curly do anything? Curly trusted Jimmy. It’s likely that Jimmy would be cruel to him in their friendship for years, so he wouldn’t have seen him being demeaning to Anya all the time as abnormal. Plus Swansea was mean to Diasuke on the ship and it was a more constant problem considering Swansea wanted him to never wanna come back for another flight and get stuck there. Curly had trusted Jimmy so much because of his personal experiences with him that he never actually protected her. He did his job as a captain and kept the peace, but that’s the extent of his actions. Anya couldn’t tell Curly about the assault while guaranteeing her safety for the same reason she didn’t tell Daisuke of Swansea: they were also men who knew Jimmy and there was no absolute guarantee they’d value her safety over keeping him around. The commentary on misogyny and rape culture is so important in Mouthwashing it’s like 90% of the plot. She couldn’t guarantee that a crew made of entirely men wouldn’t value covering up for each other and saving their pride in their desertion of people, especially since opinions of him were fairly positive and assumed he was just a hard ass.

[themodernchicanareview]

Who is Gloria Anzaldúa?: A review of a Revolutionary Women

This is a somewhat academic research essay about Gloria Anzaldúa and her impact on the queer Chicana Identity. If you are unfamiliar with her work and you are a queer Chicana, it's like waking up. A professor once told me that reading Anzaldúa for the first time is like taking the Red pill. It's confronting a part of yourself that society has conditioned you to quiet. If this something doesn't fully resonate with you, that's okay. Read and learn from someone with a different perspective anyway. As Chicano Studies will stress, Connection is fundamental to growth and healing. I am always open to critique and edits. Feel free to DM me with questions/concerns/or even edits. My goal is to build a connection with those within this space!

The day I was assigned Borderlands/La Frontera by Gloria Anzaldúa was my first encounter with the true nature of my cultural heritage. It was my first year at Texas State, 558 miles from El Paso, Texas, the borderland I called home. At that time, my goal was to go to law school, work as an attorney, maybe run for office, and eventually become a Judge; I was to be the Perfect Mexican Daughter. Borderlands was a transformative read. It was the story of the border, my home, and my life. Anzaldúa writes, “1,950-mile-long open wound dividing a pueblo, a culture, running down my body, staking fence rods in my flesh, splits me, splits me, me raja, me raja.” [1]Living on the U.S.-Mexico Border, being Mexican, you grew up with a tear in your soul, the likes of which you were conditioned to ignore. Subsequently, this societal-imposed ignorance breeds resentment, anger, and conformity. It is the pressure to assimilate. It's important to understand that the goal of assimilation is to distance yourself from yourself. This distance, for me at least, was painful.

Reading Anzaldúa for the first time made me realize I had a choice. For me and so many, Anzaldúa served as the bridge between assimilation and decolonization. Meaning she presented a world in which my pain could be transfigured into the reclamation of my identity. Through her philosophical and historical narrative, Anzaldúa gave us a path to reconnecting. Reading Borderlands and discovering my Chicana/Latina and Indigenous roots put me on the path to reconnection; it made the grip that assimilation once had on me gradually loosen. I could breathe, write, and create and connect with my identity. Therefore, this essay aims to provide a context of the historical and social importance of the revolutionary work of Gloria Anzaldúa's work.

Seeing that Anzaldúa primarily writes about the effects of a political border like the US-Mexico border on culture, I believe it is important to understand the historical context of border relations between the United States and Mexico when Anzaldúa was writing. Anzaldúa published most of her works between 1981 and 1996, while her last work would be published after she died in 2015. Therefore, I will primarily focus on the border relations between the U.S. and Mexico in the 80s and 90s. Historian Douglas Massey points out, “Although the Mexico-U.S. border has long been deployed as a symbolic line of defense against foreign threats, its prominence in the American imagination has ebbed and flowed over time. Over the past several decades, however, the political and emotional importance of the border as a symbolic battle line has risen.” [2]Massey points out that the idea of a US-Mexico border as a physical and metaphysical construct that divides is a fairly recent concept. In the 19th and early 20th centuries, U.S., Texas, and Mexico relations were inconsistent fluctuations, leading to an ever-changing physical border. Massey writes, “In theory, the Mexico-U.S. border first came into existence with Mexico's achievement of independence from Spain in 1821, although very quickly the border was blurred by the entry of U.S. settlers into northern Mexico from southern and border states in the United States.” (161) Which leads us into the 20th century. Where the border is now effectively militarized, and there are increasingly anti-immigration sentiments that have been pervasive throughout history and perpetuated through the militarization of the physical US-Mexico border. “A systematic coding of weekly U.S. news magazine covers dealing with immigration from 1970 to 2000 found that negatively framed covers increased markedly in frequency through the 1970s, 1980s, and 1990s. Migration from south of the border was increasingly referred to as a "crisis" and was labeled either a "flood" that would "inundate" the United States and "drown" its society or an "invasion" of hostile "aliens" pitted against "outgunned" Border Patrol agents who sought to "hold the line" against "banzai charges" by migrants who would "overrun" American society.” [3](168) This was the tumultuous time when Anzaldúa became prominent in her academic career. It was important to her that within her works, she addressed the systematic failings that caused this racist climate. In Borderlands/La Frontera, Anzaldúa says: “Those who make it past the checking points of the Border Patrol find themselves in the midst of 150 years of racism in Chicano barrios in the Southwest and in big northern cities (37).” Within the context of the time, simply acknowledging the tyrannical effects of the physical US-Mexican border revolutionized the way Chicanos interacted with border ideology. By highlighting this systemic racism within the physical and metaphysical U.S.- Mexico border, Anzaldúa highlighted the pain that Mexicans Chicanos felt living with the hostility that came from being a borderland person. 

Moreover, within the historical context of the 80s and 90s, Anzaldúa faced a great challenge when it came to her queer identity. Within Borderlands, not only does A write about the struggles of a border identity, but she also writes about the struggles of queerness and gender and how that itself is an intersectional identity worth exploring and worth value. It’s important to note that historically being Chicana with a voice, and also being queer was still extremely taboo. “Gay and lesbian lifestyles are taboo, and Chicano culture and are harshly castigated. To violate this fundamental moral standard is to invite ostracism, violence or both.” [4]The inclusion of her queer identity as a form of intersectionality, a form of a borderland, was revolutionary for the time. Not only was she talking about queer identity and gender during a time when it was dangerous, but she used her lesbian identity as a form of intersectionality to demonstrate aspects of her philosophy. “She says that as a queer, she has no culture yet at the same time she has so much. Thus she inhabits Sandoval’s idea of a new kind of social movement that is “differential.” She revolutionized how we view queerness and gender regarding identity, and including this aspect of her identity exemplifies bravery and a revolutionary mindset.  Within her work, Borderlands, Anzaldúa outlines the concept of cultural tyranny. Aspects within Latino and Chicano culture that aim to exclude. Within this aspect of her book, she directly addresses the systemic issue of machismo culture. The same machismo culture that when she dares to speak her mind and her truths, they call her a “traitor,” a “sellout. ”She writes: “Not me sold out my people, but they me.” [5]. Not only does she defy cultural expectations, but she’s unafraid to critique the culture and its exclusionary aspects as well.

Given the historical context, Anzaldúa was a revolutionary woman with revolutionary ideas. As a queer Chicana, she shook the modern landscape of Chicana identity by pulling to the forefront the Chicano consciousness of the true narrative of borderland people and by validating and empowering the identity of those that live and in-between those that live in a borderland. She countered racist ideology with a counter-narrative and a call to action for those who live in borderlands for those who live in a borderland to deassimilate to choose to reengage with the intersectionality of their identities. I think Anzaldúa legacy can best be summed up In this quote from Revolutionary women of Texas and Mexico: “In our work, we use exploration leading to cultural identity as a way of seeing self and others, and the basis for this is Anzaldúas framework. Exploration starts us on the road not only to understanding others and their identities but also to looking within to expand our perspectives in articulating our own cultural identity.” [6]

[1] Gloria Anzaldúa, Borderlands La Frontera , 4th ed. (San Francisco, California : aunt lute books, 2007).

[2] Douglas Massey, “The Mexico-U.S. Border in the American Imagination,” Proceedings of the American Philosophical Society 160, no. 2 (June 2016): 160–77, https://www.jstor.org/stable/26159208, 161.

[3] Douglas Massey, “The Mexico-U.S. Border in the American Imagination,” Proceedings of the American Philosophical Society 160, no. 2 (June 2016): 160–77, https://www.jstor.org/stable/26159208, 168.

[4] María Herrera-Sobek, “Gloria Anzaldúa: Place, Race, Language, and Sexuality in the Magic Valley,” PMLA/Publications of the Modern Language Association of America 121, no. 1 (January 2006): 266–71, https://doi.org/10.1632/003081206x129800, 270.

[5] Gloria Anzaldúa, Borderlands La Frontera , 4th ed. (San Francisco, California : aunt lute books, 2007), 47.

[6] 1. Kathy Sosa et al., Revolutionary Women of Texas and Mexico: Portraits of Soldaderas, Saints, and Subversives (San Antonio, TX: Maverick Books, Trinity University Press, 2020), 202.

[verynormaleatinghab1ts]

Master list of everything I do/have done for wɛight lºss:

For context: I've had an ɛd since the beginning of 2022 (though possibly longer?) and have had a lot of trial and error in that time. I am currently at my all-time lowest wɛight and this is my third or fourth rɛlapse. My heavıest ever was ɓmi 25. For this rɛlapse my start was ɓmi 23 at the beginning of August and now I'm down to ɓmi 18.7 as of October. This is gonna be a very thorough master list of all the stuff I keep consistent at to lºse wɛight.

1. Hydration:

Ik you are hearing this for the umpteenth time but DRINK SO MUCH WATER. I probably drink anywhere from 70-100 oz of water a day. You should drink at least HALF YOUR BODY WɛIGHT IN OUNCES of water every day (120 lbs = 60oz water minimum). Whenever my cup is empty I refill it asap or drink sparkling water which I LOVE. The reasons for this are obvious, it takes up stomach space, fends off hunger pangs, hydration, yada yada hopefully you know what water is and does.

2. Other drinks:

I very scarcely consume liquid cªlories. If I want a drink with more flavor, sparkling water, unsweetened tea, or (very rarely) zero/diɛt of whatever soda I'm craving. I don't like energy drinks/coffee but those work as well.

That being said, I still allow it sometimes (meaning if my cªlorie budget allows for it). For example, my favorite drink is AriZona green tea, which is not very high in cªlories if you find the right portion size. The bottles are 160 cªls each, and they sell regular 12 oz cans for 80 cªls each. It's all about portion sizes, even for drinks!

Otherwise, I don't drink a lot of juice or soda anyway. If I do want juice, I try to get it in pouch/can/bottle form instead of from the jugs so they are pre-portioned and I don't have to wɛigh it out to calculate cªls. I have some compulsory thing that I feel the need to CHUG every drink I have, so this helps keep me from gulping down half a gallon of sugar water and is still within my budget. I don't drink protein shakes really, but if it's within your budget, there's no reason not to (especially as a meal replacement).

For alcºhol… sometimes I let myself splurge on cªls a little bit bc these days I only drink if I'm REALLY going through it (bc cªlories got me trippin' so hard I kind of stopped being an alcºholic), but otherwise, I hardly drink at all anymore. When I do, I'll do shots of whatever liquºr I've got atm. 90-100 cªls a shot is atrocious but on an empty stomach, it'll hit quick. Other options I've utilized include hard seltzers, liquºr in diet soda/watered-down juice, or spiked teas. Lower in cªls than other things (generally) and good for someone with a lower alc tolerance. I love beer and wine but it's just not effective and too high cªl if I'm looking to get smashed.

3. Apple Cider Vinegar:

Pretty much since I developed an ɛd, apple cider vinegar has been involved in some form or another. I should also mention that all of these methods have helped a lot with my acne (which was my main excuse for why I was always consuming these things so often). *I DONT ACTUALLY KNOW IF IT DOES ANYTHING BUT I WILL ALWAYS TAKE A WɛIGHT LºSS PLACEBO IF IT WORKS* 

At first, I would take shots (2 TBSP or 1.5 oz) of it in the morning every day, usually just alongside water or tea (though I never personally minded the taste that much). I wouldn't recommend this method since it definitely irritates your teeth/mouth/throat/stomach after prolonged use, and makes your stomach hurt if you don't take it with enough water.

Next, I tried ACV gummies. The downside, is these do have cªls (I think about 20 or 30 for 2 pieces?) and unfortunately I found them delicious so they were always tempting me from my bathroom cabinet. Also, they were pricey and inconvenient since I'd always forget to ɛat them in the morning.

Now I take ACV capsules since I prefer to just swallow pills over chewing up a sticky little gummy every morning. No cªls, no taste, quick and easy, MUCH cheaper. I take 2 in the morning and 2 at night, but DO NOT start with that many because it will hurt your stomach. Start with just one in the morning and increase from there.

4. Intake:

I want to make it very clear that ɛating ANY amount under your BMR (basal mɛtabolic rate) will result in wɛight lºss, and this can be calculated on various websites. You don't have to ɛat under 1000 to lºse. You could ɛat OVER 1000 and still lºse. Please use your best judgment to find the right amount for your needs.

I don't track/count net cªlories (cªlories after subtracting cªlories burned), only the total amount of cªlories I CONSUME. I may bump it up a little *very sparingly* but I've maybe only done that 3 or 4 times in the past three months, and never any more than my maintenance cªlories. For me, 500-800 range is just enough to keep me from going insane while still consistently dropping a good amount of wɛight every week. And I don't track seasonings at all because that's literally dumb lol. If using enough salt and pepper to kill a small child will get you to fill up on broccoli instead of bınging on chips who gaf. It'll be >5 cªls regardless, you'll burn that many cªls just sprinkling it in and chewing.

5. Tracking cªls:

I track everything I eat and I wɛigh out my fºod pretty frequently, but usually only for things like meat, dairy, or high carb/sugar foºds. 5 or 10 extra grams that I would let slide before could add a lot more cªlories than you realize (and mostly from fªt or sugar 😧). I don't bother wɛighing out low cªl foods usually, I just make rough wɛight/volume measurements. I usually overestimate my cªls and still end up ɛating below my budget anyway. As someone who would wɛigh out every single little thing that went into my body (including water) to the hundredth decimal gram, being obsessive about it will drive you insane and you will risk a miserable bınge/rɛstrict cycle. It's stressful and annoying and you will still lºse wɛight if you don't. 

I don't track/care about my macrºs at all. I do try to ɛat more protein than bread and sugar when I can, but I don't really prioritize it. I would recommend that you do though, PRIORITIZE PROTEIN AND FIBER because these keep you full for longer and will help you to feel less tired from undɛrɛating.

6. Fªsting/OMªD:

What I feel has been absolutely key to my success has been fªsting and OMªD (one mɛal a day). I fªst a minimum of 20 hours every day and only ɛat dinner (because it's required in my house) + a small snack (usually an apple 🤤). My dinners range anywhere from 200-600 cªls and I never let my snack go over 200 cªls. This keeps me full through the night, and throughout the day I tend to keep myself so busy that I forget to ɛat anyway.

Once (sometimes twice) a week I will do a fªst anywhere between 40-50 hours but I would recommend 24-36 hours for someone who does not fªst for long periods as often since this has had a lot of negative side effects for me (fainting, dizziness, nausea, vomiting, stomachache, headache, low blood pressure, spikes/drops in heart rate, weakness, exhaustion). A lot of my issues come from overproduction of stomach acid, dehydration, and general shitty blood circulation. If you do want to fªst for longer periods, here are my tips:

Constantly be drinking water and stay super hydrated.

Chew gum, this produces saliva and reduces acid production.

Absolutely NO carbonated drinks, this will INCREASE acid production!

Extremely light to NO exercise (I break this rule a lot 😓), conserve your energy while fasting.

Drink hot liquids (tea, coffee, water) in the morning, this keeps me from getting nauseous and lightheaded throughout the day.

My body cannot handle any pills/vitamins on an empty stomach, so take with caution (obv don't do this if you take medication you're required to take with food)

Overall reduce stimuli like lights, sounds, temperatures, and smells. These usually make my side effects much worse and cause me to get sick more often (but I also have autism so that may factor).

Keep yourself occupied, preferably something with your hands. I get a lot done with school and a lot of my hobbies like writing, puzzles, painting, etc. I also deep clean and organize things around the house frequently which keeps me occupied for a couple hours.

7. Exercise:

In the past, I had a pretty bad exercise ªddiction whenever I would be deep in my ɛd, and honestly, it didn't help much at all. It made me extremely tired and sore all the time and it led me to bınge often because I told myself it would "cancel out". Exercise does not contribute to wɛightlºss as much as people think it does, since wɛightlºss is primarily done through your diɛt. Now, I exercise once or twice a week (if at all), and this is the most wɛight I've ever lost and KEPT OFF, so slowing down on the exercise has really helped me a lot. I primarily do cardio like walking, stairmaster, playing sports, home workouts etc., but nothing super intense. I only aim to get over 2000 steps a day and am pretty sedentary because of school.

8. Actual foods I eat:

Disclaimer: Outside of ªna, I also have dealt with ARFıD/super picky ɛating my whole life, so this list won't be super varied and relatively basic.

First things first, take multivitamins/supplements. Especially Iron, Calcium, Vitamin B12, and Vitamin D. I prefer capsules, but if gummies, drink mixes, etc are easier DO THAT. These are essential vitamins and minerals that will keep you from feeling like walking dead.

Protein: I have never ɛaten pork, and I very scarcely ɛat beef or lamb. I pretty much only ɛat chicken/turkey for everything which is leaner and higher in protein than other meats. I don't like/ɛat seafood or tofu, but that's also an option. I fucking LOVE eggs they're one of my favorite foºds, plus decently low cªl, protein, filling, and delectable in any form. I really really like nuts as well (esp cashews) but it's very rare I get to ɛat them because they are so high cªl 😓 However if you do they're a good source of healthy fªts and protein! I save it for special occasions.

Veggies/fruits: I ɛat A LOT of fruits and veggies bc I try to incorporate several into any foºd I make. Cooking pasta? Fill it with veggies. Stir fry? 90% veggies. Literally anything else? Half my plate is veggies. Volume ɛating is a lifesaver. It keeps me full, adds fiber and vitamins to my diɛt, and is low cªl because they're mostly water, so I ɛat them as much as I want. The fruits/veg I ɛat the most: spinach, kale, lettuce, cabbage, fresh herbs, tomatoes, peppers, onion, broccoli, green beans, ginger, bok choy, carrots, apples, raspberries, blackberries, blueberries, strawberries, grapes, melon, citrus, bananas.

Dairy: Low fªt, skim, or 0% fªt dairy products are always the go-to, you get the same result for whatever you're subbing it for. I haven't drank cows milk since I was a wee child because it's disgusting and I don't really ɛat any dairy other than cheese, so making this swap wasn't very difficult for me. I do try to limit dairy as much as I can though because it is so high in fªt and cªlories. If a recipe has butter or cream I try to leave it out or use as little as possible.

"Breads": I still ɛat things like pasta, tortillas, rice, and regular bread frequently, just in small amounts. And I will almost never double up on 'breads' (like having a bread roll and pasta together). I try to ɛat protein pasta over regular to at least get some benefit from it since it is so high cªl. Lower cªl options you can have a little more freely are anything keto or gluten-free/vegan options. Sometimes if I want toast or a sandwich I will cut one slice of bread in half so I have two very thin slices and it tricks me into thinking I ªte more than I really did. I really love instant noodles but unfortunately they are very high in cªlories so I haven't ɛaten them in a very long time ☹️. Instead I ɛat rice noodles or instant pho since it's pretty low cªl compared to the fried wheat noodles.

9. Junk food swaps/junkorɛxia:

Okay I know you just saw the big list of "healthy" foods but I am a junkorɛxic to my CORE. I love sugar, I love desserts, I love bread, I love cheese, I love chips, I love fast foºd, all of the worst highest cªlorie garbage you can think of. I still ɛat these things from time to time believe it or not, but now we're going back to portion control. Brownies are one of my favorite treats, and I still get to have them if it's *within my budget*. I can still have bread, and chips, and cookies etc, as long as it's *within my budget*. You don't necessarily have to completely cut these things out, because I know when I do, I go crazy and bınge on all of these foºds eventually. Even still, I don't ɛat these fºods very often because I found lower cªl swaps!

I'm not going to try to lie to you and tell you "if you want potato chips ɛat baked broccoli or seaweed instead ❤️" because that shit is WACK and not at all like chips. Here are some swaps I make for most of the garbage I usually would ɛat for the fellow junkorɛxics:

N!CKS/halotop ice cream, zero sugar popsicles/bars: lowest cªl ice cream flavors of N!CKS ice cream are around 1 cªl per gram! I like these because they feel less heavy in my stomach than regular ice cream, and taste more like frozen yogurt anyway 🤤. I haven't actually tried halotop but I assume both brands are similar. Popsicles I can't ever tell a difference, it's just flavored with ice sugar or flavored ice with no sugar, neither are super high cal.

Sugar-free jello and pudding: self-explanatory, taste very very close to the regular to me so I don't even realize a difference! I hate yogurt but zero sugar greek yogurts would work too if you're into that. I use this as a swap for jellos/puddings/ice cream.

Baked chips, savory rice crisps, popcorn: baked chips are lower cªl and lower in fªt by weight, but they taste way different from the regular so don't expect them to be the same. Rice crisps are super low cªl compared to chips and come in a lot of flavors (I like these better than regular chips most of the time bc they're crunchier). Popcorn (even the buttered or other flavors) isn't as high cªl as I assumed it was! Plus it's high volume and filling, bc I know my ass cannot finish a whole bag of microwave popcorn to myself.

Sweet rice cakes, fiber one bars, graham crackers, cinnamon raisin bread, frozen waffles or pancakes (ordered low–high cªl): These are my replacement "baked goods" because that is something I crave a lot. I know most of these aren't at all like cookies, but it works for me personally and I can fit them into my small-ish budget regularly without having to bake everything myself all the time. Even outside of having an ɛd I've always loved rice cakes, so regardless I ɛat them a lot, low cªl, CRUNCHY, cheap. Fiber one bars are like 60-90 cªls + fiber ofc. Graham crackers are 130 cªls for 2 sheets. Cinnamon raisin bread is 90 cªls a slice (personal fav). Frozen waffles/pancakes are usually around 200 cªls a serving. 

Sugar-free candy/other: I think it's good to assume any candy that's keto or dairy/sugar-free will be lower cªl than the regular version. I don't really ɛat a lot of candy day-to-day but whenever I crave it I go for granola or fiber one bars, or have a small amount of dark chocolate instead. If I'm craving sour candy, I'll have fruit, jello, fruit gummies, or drink juice. These aren't very good or direct swaps, but I tend to crave flavors and textures more than specific fºod items (if that makes sense). But regardless, if I have enough cªls leftover, I just ɛat the real thing lol.

10. Cook your own food:

Cooking for myself 99% of the time has been crucial for my wɛightlºss. I'm able to wɛigh and portion out all my ingredients accurately to get exact cªlories for anything I make. Plus this way I can throw tons of vegetables into whatever I make to give it more volume/nutrition. 

I also cook for my whole family, which means they constantly have high cªl requests for what they want me to make like pastas, fried foºds, burgers, etc. If I know for certain it will fit into my budget, I'll just ɛat it (with much difficulty) so they don't get suspicious. However I'll also swap/remove the super high cªl parts in recipes completely and other times I will add all the high cªl stuff to just their portions and keep a 'clean' portion for myself. 

I will pretty much never get take out unless my whole family is getting it, and even then, I try to just have leftovers or cook my own meal instead. If I HAVE to get take out, I try to get the lowest cªl thing I possibly can.

11. Avoiding bınges/munchies:

Out of everything, I would say avoiding bınges is the hardest psychological aspect to get past. I smºke 🍃 every night to sleep, so I be getting the munchies really bad sometimes, and sometimes it feels like there's only so much to do before my brain goes "fuck it" and starts ɛating everything in sight. These are basic, but here are the things that have worked the best for me consistently:

Sparkling water/flavored diɛt drinks. You get the satisfaction of having some sort of flavor on your tongue without the consequences of ɛating, and takes up room in your stomach to trigger fullness hormones.

Gum (especially mint flavor) tricks my brain into thinking I'm ɛating something + mint works as an appɛtite suppressªnt.

Staying busy is the biggest thing, always be doing something that is tedious or involves a lot of focus. I'm very easily distractable regardless, but the second I've really set my attention to one thing, I don't think about anything else. Read/listen to a book, get out of the house and wander for a bit, go for a drive, watch a movie, do a craft, online window shop, play a computer/mobile game, clean/organize. I will very frequently leave my house to wander aimlessly around a store just to get away from any fºod.

When in doubt, sleep it off. At night especially, I'm too lazy to really do all that much so if I feel like I'm going to lose my grip on reality, spark up another bowl and pass tf out. Can't ɛat if I'm sleepin'!

Chɛw/Spıt: I feel like this used to be more popular with ɛd ppl a few years ago but I hardly see anyone talk about doing it now. I do this mostly with mɛals I don't want to ɛat when I'm fªsting or with all the trash I would want to bınge on and it honestly works really well for me! You do probably end up consuming a very small amount of the cªlories, but I always make sure to spıt everything out really well and rinse my mouth/brush my teeth right after.

And that's all I think. Thank you for reading! I spent a lot of time on this so reblogs are appreciated! I hope some of this is at least somewhat helpful to anyone. If y'all have any questions, reach out! Please stay safe, help is always out there whenever you need it. Cheers!

[startheskelaton]

Helloo! I absolutely love your art style and au’s but I have a question. Since Shin was born so different and the amount of pain he went through, was he often prescribed medications and went to the doctors, or did his family make do with what they could afford with such a big family. I’m sorry if you have explained this before, I’m still trying to remember all the characters introduced in your au and lore. But thank you for the amazing art and storytelling you show us!

No it’s okay I understand!!

He actually would be that kid who was constantly going to the doctor. I based it off of myself to be honest.

I wasn’t clinically ill as a child but I always found myself going to the doctors or hospitals. In first grade I was tested for ADHD, and would go to specialist who found out I was a…. Very sad child. When I was in second grade I was hospitalized for pneumonia, then a little after that I got an infection on the back of my thigh that needed stitches. Then in third grade they had me tested for dyslexia and that led to going to the hospital to see reading and learning disability specialist.

I feel like Shin definitely had many different problems that his family tried to help him through, definitely not understanding it as a kid but slowly realizing as he got older.

I also had a lot of experiences with medication. I got ADHD pills prescribed to me back in first grade… and boy was that a rough time. For a while it was just experimenting with different pills or dosages to see what would work on me. Soon enough in highschool I was on 90 milligrams of Concerta… not exactly healthy to be honest. However now as a 22 year old, I’m on 60 mil of Vivance with some anxiety medication to keep me chill.

I know for a fact it was just like that for Shin as well. Honestly I feel like his biggest concern was how people looked at him. He’s genuinely a very normal person and rather talented too! As he’s very good at learning new information on the fly. However that means nothing to most people when he’s constantly bleeding from the neck and struggling to breath properly. 

[monstrousgourmandizingcats]

ik the post was from like a week ago but would like to hear your thoughts on jackie and the prescription drug thing because it really isnt discussed!

Absolutely. Jackie has prooooblems and I really wish they were more openly talked about in the fandom.

So there are at least three references to Jackie abusing prescription drugs in canon. I forget what the third is (I might be misremembering it but I'm pretty sure it's there), but the first two are in "Pilot" and "Blood Hive". The reason why Shauna is asleep during the flight is that Jackie has given her Valium, a benzo (its generic name is diazepam) that in the 70s through 90s was commonly prescribed for anxiety and to an extent still is. What's remarkable about this is the casual way everyone involved treats it; this is consistent in how Shauna and Jackie themselves talk about Jackie's drug use, but the scene also establishes that even Jackie's mother doesn't seem to see any need to monitor her teenage daughter's access to her pills. As Jackie puts it, "Swiped these from my mom's medicine cabinet. Valium. She's got, like, a never-ending supply, so I doubt she'll even notice."

A series of questions already arises here, all of which the show is fascinatingly uninterested in answering, possibly because the screenwriters share Shauna and Jackie's flippant attitude (which is generational, as I'll discuss below) but, I think, likely also because what's implied about the Taylor household here is more disturbing if it's not spelled out. Why does Mrs. Taylor have that much of a med lying around at all times? Has Jackie taken the Valium before? If so, why and how often? (Does she, perhaps, use it to get through sex acts with Jeff?)

The second time this comes up is in the scene in which Shauna and Jackie are discussing their respective Wilderness skills as Shauna butchers one of Nat and Travis's first quarries. Almost everyone in the fandom has favorite bits of this scene, which is full of fantastic Shaunajackie lines and moments, so it's surprising to me that this isn't discussed more, but again, the breathtakingly casual delivery probably goes some way towards distracting the viewer from what's actually being communicated. (It could also be that the line in question here comes immediately before "Wowza, Shipman," which understandably steals the show):

Shauna: Remember when Kiffy Schumacher broke her arm right before we were supposed to go to Whipsplash River, and you told her that if she shared her Percocet, we'd all crash bingo at the Elks Lodge instead? Jackie: Wait. Is this a pep talk? Wowza, Shipman. Wow, that is so not your style.

Uh. Girls? You okay there? "Poppin' Percs" is something Kendrick Lamar accused Drake of earlier this month. The company that makes this drug is currently being pounded in court by the Attorneys General of Ohio, Mississippi, Missouri, New York, and possibly other states too since the last time I checked. You're talking about like it's Pez.

Percocet is a mixture of oxycodone, which is an opioid, and paracetamol, which is a common over-the-counter painkiller (it's called acetaminophen in the US and a few other countries; it's the active ingredient in Tylenol and Panadol). Unlike Valium, oxy is something I've been on in the past--I, like Kiffy Schumacher, had a badly fucked-up arm a few years ago--so I can speak to how it's currently treated in American medical culture. You're given a very small amount of it at once, you pace yourself taking it and alternate it with over-the-counter painkillers unless absolutely necessary, and if you have any left over when you decide you no longer need it, which I did, you surrender whatever pills you still have on you to the police. I know that the current widely accepted view on drug control is that it's wildly overdone in the US, and I agree with that for the most part, but in this case the tight controls on this sort of painkiller are a regulation that was written in blood. And the opioid epidemic is still ongoing; in fact, in some ways it's worse, since people are using black-market opioids now that are even more dangerous than oxy and its ilk.

I do want to stress that Jackie's pattern of drug use isn't unusual for a teenager; in fact, it's pretty classic. "Adolescents....most commonly reported receiving prescription[s] for free from a friend or relative, although significant proportions of adolescents also used their own prescriptions, purchased drugs from a dealer, or took them from friends or family without asking." (The article linked cites data taken in 2006, when the prescription drug abuse epidemic on whose upward slope Jackie lives had plateaued.) I also want to clarify that the cavalier attitude Shauna and Jackie have towards prescription drugs isn't unique to this category of substances; teenagers in the 1990s were much more blasé about controlled substances in general than they are today, and adolescent prescription drug abuse has declined less than most other categories:

(Note the especially massive drop-off in adolescent cigarette use after the turn of the millennium. Lottie in her kinderwhore-meets-Empire Records party outfit diffidently holding a cig is very much an image from the past these days. And yet this isn't entirely a success story; adolescents who are still engaging in substance abuse are OD'ing a lot more than they were thirty years ago.)

I don't really have a conclusion here, because I just want to encourage the fandom to discuss this aspect of Jackie's character, not necessarily to adopt any particular narrativization or interpretation of it. This, then, is the basics on Jackie and prescription drugs. Poor girl.

[midnight--sadness]

(k-pop idol AU anon) hewwo~ i'm back again ◝(˶˃ ᵕ ˂˶) ◜♡ first of all, YES TO GEUMJA BEING GIHUN'S MANAGER. YOUR GALAXY BRAIN! I LOVE IT! and you know youngsik said this in an interview and none of his bandmates believed him... you mean it's such a small world, that his mom was thee gihun's manager? sure, pal. but once he's proven right he will never shut up about it hahaha! oh and back then when geumja found out that her husband was cheating on her, you know gihun would 100% support her in beating up that good for nothing man ৻(  •̀ ᗜ •́  ৻)

secondly, yes yes yes inho as a rapper! r&b and rap is an iconic duo. inhun giving aaliyah & dmx vibes~ anyways, let's continue where we left off~ ദ്ദി ˉ͈̀꒳ˉ͈́ )✧

i don't think inhun would be able to make things official during their tour. yeah they do feel the love and find comfort in each other, however everytime they're about to confess they're always interrupted by ilnam, the assistants, fans, or the stage crew. it saddens them both, but the show must go on... (˶˃⤙˂˶)

after this, gihun and inho try to keep contact as much as they can! this is the 90's so they have payphones or pagers/beepers. they can't meet in person because of the crazy paparazzi, and also the reputation of the record label must always be in focus. they feel very frustrated over having  to repress their feelings. on top of all that, inho feels like he's going crazy whenever a award show host or a backup dancer gets way too close or comfortable with gihun. "unhand him, you heathens." he seethes (҂ `A´) ︻╦̵̵̿╤──. inho knows they're not even in a relationship, but that doesn't mean anyone can put their filthy paws on the world's most precious pearl named gihun. though... it appears that the heavens might have blessed them with a rare chance to finally see each other.

both guys were in the same building for song writing sessions and meetings, but they were in different rooms. they had no idea about this until they saw each other in the hallway. inho and gihun had to practically beg ilnam and geumja to let them spend at least 25 minutes together, they promise that nobody will know. inho and gihun brought up that if they can't get to release their pent up energies, it will impact their performances and the label's profits negatively. that's how the music executive and the manager agreed to let the two of them be for a while and do their thing lol

cue makeout session in a secluded corner ( ∩´͈ ᐜ `͈∩) inho holding on to gihun's waist for dear life, afraid of losing him again. whilst kissing they finally reveal to each their true feelings, a heavy weight lifting off their chests. they're boyfriends now! ♡〜٩( ˃▿˂ )۶〜♡ inho's hand travels down to gihun's crotch area, delighted to find his soft mound and getting to feel the puffy folds. right now they don't have much time and can't get too messy because of their schedules, but they're more than satisfied with almost devouring each other and handjobs. one day they will finally get to go on a short hiatus and take weeks off everything. they will find a private soundproof room and have marathon sex all day all night ( • ᴗ - ) ✧ gihun would still have to take birth control pills though, just to be safe.

but before that happens! they're making hits after hits, their little intimate session in the building proved to make them better at their job. they were glowing, too.

meow (≽^•⩊•^≼) tune in for part 3 in which it will be about gihun announcing his retirement from music  industry in 2011-ish, followed by inho doing the same, them revealing their relationship to the world, and present day with our fave boygroup & girlgroup~

(also dw junho and inho's stepmom are very proud of inho, & so is gihun's mom. she points at the tv and smiles widely telling everyone; "that's my baby!")

STOP AS SOON AS U SAID THAT GIHUN WAS SINGING 90S R&B I IMMEDIATELY THOUGHT OF AALIYAH!!! 😭😭😭

ahh i'm glad u liked it!!! 🫶💖 and omggg everything abt this is amazing, i loooooooove it 💖

inhun being in a secret AND forbidden relationship???? 😩

I CAN'T WAIT FOR PART 3!!!!! 😖😖 giggling and kicking my feet

[redpillfuturist215]

This is a multi-part post. Recently some guy criticized one of my reblogs and in rare form I actually typed up a response but before I could that Tumblr account was apparently deleted so the comment and post lost forever. Well, turns out I took a screenshot so since I took the time to retort I might as well share it and make an example out of him so here we go…

1st off, a few small things I don’t have the time to research every single thing, event or whatever. People who got rich in the 20th century are not “old money”. I don't care to know but Trump and Musk are probably only 2nd generation wealthy, one thing for sure is they are not elites and certainly not cabal members. In the age of false accusations and going after political opponents with the entire mainstream media in tow, so called convictions mean nothing. Let’s say Trump did rape someone though … there are far more criminals in or aligned with the democratic party including sex predators and pedophiles, along with the elites who’ve been raping and sacrificing children for decades if not centuries so GTFOH! Democrats and the left do nothing but project, accusing others of what they are guilty for, a tactic straight out of the Marxist and Nazi playbooks. I’m pretty sure they admitted seeking to tie him up and drain his finances in attempt to keep him from getting back in the white house.

Now let’s address the main topic, the long history of US democrat racism which is very well documented so therefore not propaganda or “far right” because the real truth has no agenda and how they’ll destroy anything from the environment to an entire nation in pursuit of the continued subjugation of my people and others they hate. That said I’ve criticized republicans too because so many of them are cowards, esp. since the so called compromise of 1877.

Black women are the reason 90% of us vote democrat, because they are financial sellouts aiding in our own oppression and genocide, they are a joke. This is why black men more or less spearhead the red pill movement, we were the first to get fucked over by feminism and gynocentrism, so much so that it gave rise to IBMOR – introspective black men of reform as well as SYSBM – save yourselves black men. I’ve dealt with it and have heard accounts of several others, virtually all attempts to educate them are futile, it’s like talking to a wall. Aside from the desire for “free” resources and mental slavery, they are just simply too emotional to accept reality. Moving on… Nothing brings out emotionally driven leftists or whatever the fuck like a black person, esp. a man, reminding others he is not a US democrat supporter. The US republican party was established to stop slavery and other democrat violations of human rights, terrorism. Almost immediately after the civil war they were helping blacks become congressman and representatives. Decades would pass before any democrats did. It doesn’t matter what faults republicans have or how cowardly they have become more or less since the 1877 compromise, democrats have always hated blacks. Founded to defend, expand slavery Created the Confederacy, started a civil war Refused to attend Lincoln’s inauguration for the “radical” idea of freeing the slaves and ultimately shot him in the head over it Rapes, beatings, lynchings Circumcising male slaves to “prevent them from raping white women” Not only were white women raping black slaves, some white male slave owners (again, all democrats) were also raping them in the open as a form of humiliation and dominance. The practice was called breaking the buck or something like that Created the KKK While the KKK lynching blacks is pretty well known, most don’t know that at least 1,300 white republicans were also lynched by them roughly between 1880 and 1970 for helping blacks to do things like get a proper education, register to vote The KKK also in turn assisting with the Negro Project which would become Planned Parenthood, designed to target blacks and other “undesirables” for genocide through abortion, yet again with black women being willing participants because feminism and hypergamy Jim Crow, segregation LBJ – “I’ll have those niggas voting democrat for 200 years” The above corrected on 2-6-2025 Thanks for pointing out my typo @mtnman451 I knew it was LBJ, have no idea why I put FDR up there haha but I've now corrected it. Getting us hooked on crack and other hard drugs The welfare state to financially enslave the black community and destroy the family unit, along with abortion having black women being complicit in it The above leading to black children, esp. boys, having the highest abuse rates Poverty and crime skyrocketing as well Mental health issues and suicide rates too Other financial policies meant to keep blacks poor and living in ghettos Democrats aligned with muslims, the only ones still enslaving Africans today which liberals never talk about Saying we’re too stupid to get an ID Calling us Uncle Tom’s and the likes for not supporting the actual party of slavery, a shaming tactic trying to get us back on the mental plantation Biden was against integration of schools and sponsored legislation that led to the mass incarceration of blacks He also sought to prevent blacks from getting high level positions in the government, particularly if they were republican Having the audacity to say if we don’t vote for him then we ain’t black Real quick side note, before covid hit Trump’s policies led to record setting economic achievements for blacks – the greatest combined wealth and lowest unemployment rates on record … but of course the democrats just couldn’t have that in addition to canceling the legacy of successful black people in the past This is just for African Americans

[annachum]

Some incorrect quotes of Stolas and his sibs ( HB )

Teen Seir : * on a couch with teen Stolas * What are we having?

Teen Stolas : * in his goth emo phase * Wasting our lives

Teen Seir :.....I meant for lunch

Teen Stolas : Oh.

Vassago : ( in a FaceTime post Mastermind ) YOUR EX WIFE IS A TOTAL PUTA IDIOTA!

Stolas : WELL THANK YOU FOR VALIDATING WHAT IVE BEEN FEELING FOR 17 YEARS!!

Stolas and his sibs : * arguing *

Blitzo : Guys can we take a chill pill?

Stolas and his sibs : * just look at him and continue arguing *

Blitzo : * whips up phone * Do you want me to call your mom or dad?

Stolas and his sibs : NO PLEASE DONT SNITCH ON US -

Stolas and his sibs : * all getting emotional over Hell-o-vela

Blitzo : You all love this show, huh?

Ipos : Sir Blitz, it is a one show that helps keep us sane for all these years!

Blitzo : Woah, okay.....?

Orobas : ( introducing themselves to Blitz via FaceTime ) I'm Orobas!

Gaap : * rolls eyes, deadpan * And I'm Gaap

Orobas : I control the nebulae!

Gaap : * deadpan * And I'm more on humidity

Orobas : Let's dance! 5, 6,7, 8! TURN! * pauses, to his younger twin bro * Wait, why aren't you turning?

Gaap : We didn't even AGREE on this

Orobas : I think this is cool!

Gaap : I don't think so, dear brother

Blitzo : * confused af while sitting there *

Vassago : * post retrial facetime * I'd say we all go Universal Studios park as a family! With our partners!

Stolas : Oh, that would be a most splendid idea! It's been so long since we went out to explore the human world of some sort as a ' cultural outing ' together!

Gemory : What about our children?

Ashtoreth : Last I checked they are gonna get themselves booked to a new group art therapy session at the Hazbin Hotel. So we can go on that day. They'll be fine.

Vassago : Ay, si! Let's also bring father and mama ( ie his step mom Amethyst but still ) along to this wonderful trip!

Dead silence

Ipos : Do you think father would actually....like this trip!

Gaap : I mean, he took us to those museums and opera houses when were kids, so....

Seir : Yeah, I guess it's high time we take them out to a new place

Vassago : Bueno! Gemi, you know what to do.

Gemory : GOT it. * proceeds to later on persuade her parents with puppy dog eyes to go to the trip with them *

Paimon : * when Stolas was a toddler and they are in human forms * Children, this is the Ancient Greek art gallery in the British Museum -

His kids : * laughing at naked statues *

Amethyst : Don't laugh - these are centuries old masterpieces!

Toddler Stolas : Hahahaha they naked!

Paimon : * glowing red eyes * You all heard your mother.

The children : * instantly stop laughing *

Paimon : * continues on with the guided tour of the new exhibits of British Museum *

Paimon : I made respectable Princes and Princesses

Blitzo : You also fucked them up, that's what you did! Look at them! They all got different shades of anxiety!

Paimon : What is up, home dudes? Let's Raise the roof!

Stolas and his sibs : ?!?!??!?!

Paimon : Come on, let's get jiggy with it!

Stolas : What did Via teach you this time?

Paimon : Well, son, your mother and I have learned some new slang words, so we figured it as a way to better connect with you lot!

Gemory : NO. Father. Stop. We appreciate the effort but you don't have to do all that.

Vassago : Where did you learn these anyway?

Paimon : The one soap opera called The Fresh Prince of Bel Air

Ipos : That's literally from the 90s

Paimon : * chuckles * I know, but it's more modern than the things my Thystie and I watched!

Stolas and his sibs :.....

Vassago meeting Amethyst for the first time in person

Kid Vassago : Are you my new mommy?

Amethyst : * smiles * No, dear. But I'm going to be one day

Kid Vassago : Oh! * pauses * How old are you?

Amethyst : 18

Kid Vassago : Wow! Muy joven! That means, very young in Spanish.

Amethyst : * smiles * I understand some Spanish.

Kid Vassago : Bravo! Also can you please take good care of my papa! He was down in the dumps with his previous divorce before he's with you.

Amethyst : * cups Vassago on the cheek with one hand tenderly * Don't worry, dear. I will.