#physically bad

[coffeexxcigarettes]

Attempting

-

There is a violence so well entangled within me-

An unrelenting need to do better;

Be better than those who showed me the world as a child,

And insisted

It is dark!

It is dark!

Nothing here is worth saving.

And perhaps,

They were right,

And some days the illness spreads into the very root of my purpose;

Some days I feel

I am not worth saving.

And yet, I am saved.

The painful reminders of yet another

Nearly lost-

Saved,

Nevertheless.

If only for the next minute,

The next hour,

The next day,

To tell those who were supposed to love me:

They were wrong.

x

[butchfalin]

the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

[chloesimaginationthings]

Do you think FNAF movie Vanessa has the Vanny mask?

[schizoaffectively]

You are well within your right to be angry about the help you didn't get and should have gotten.

You are well within your right to be angry about having your needs neglected.

You are well within your right to be angry.

[keferon]

Guys they’re. They’re speaking doorwings

Tf one gave me Jazz with wings so now I’m giving you more of Jazz with wings~

[allimili]

pure vanilla is so cooked 💀 💀 😭

[qweenofurheart]

the tim drake experience

[bunabi]

I will never ever in my life get tired of the villain and their fiercely loyal second-in-command having weirdly intense sexual tension

[3liza]

House MD depicts an autistic who has gotten insanely good at reading people and is just in too much pain to use it for social engineering much beyond his weird little pranks and machinations. my dad is this type of autist, i think of it as the Frasier Crane type as opposed to the Star Trek type. you know. capable of being jocular, jovial, charming, even seductive, but it requires so much bandwidth its still extremely taxing. i have been telling you on this blog for ten years that it is in your best interests to become jocular. it will stun you how much better you are at reading people than the majority of neurotypicals. there's no reason for them to get good at it when they dont even know what there is to get good at. microexpressions are real and i can see them

[isjasz]

[Day 364]

O7 For day 364 I decided to throw in a bit more food into the wild as a treat /SILLY

Designs by @gingermaple once again :D

[doginurbloodstream]

I WANT BIG DOG TEETH.

WHY DONT MY TEETH LOOK LIKE THAT

[wprostvii]

does anyone see my vision

[isbergillustration]

[housecow]

seeing you outright mention you have death feedism tendencies is like a shotgun to the chest (positive)

i have a medical phobia that’s somehow twisted itself into death feedism ngl. also, evil feeders. 😳

someone hellbent on keeping me as fat as possible for as long as they can—knowing what cocktail of drugs keeps my heart pumping, dumbing me down and keeping me pliant with edibles hidden in my food, waking me up every few hours for feedings and funnel sessions instead of letting me sleep so the weight piles on faster than it should..

somewhere deep down i know it’s not good for me. maybe my feeder tells me about all the health problems i have while the feeding tube is in my mouth and i can barely think, but i can’t focus on what they’re saying without getting overwhelmed. if i don’t remember later, it doesn’t really matter, right?

maybe occasionally i’d “come to my senses,” during a lull in the feedings. when my feeder is busy and away for a while, after i’ve made my way through a small mountain of snacks and the mini fridge (full of shakes laced with THC to keep me docile) is just out of reach. maybe i’d try to get up, only to collapse back down because my knee problems finally caught up to me and fuck, it hurts to even try to walk. maybe then i’d finally take a look at where i am, how i’ve given up my life for someone’s (and my own, let’s be real) sick pleasure.

i’d have to deal with that realization for a while. maybe i’d start to cry, unable to handle the reality. eventually, though, my feeder would come back. they’d find me in this state and console me, getting the funnel ready because they can hear my stomach rumbling and it’s been too long since i’ve eaten. they’ll coo into my ear about how it’s all okay, how i asked for this and it’s what we both want.

they’d give my belly a shake, grasping the lowest roll in their hands and enjoying the way it makes my entire body wobble. they’d press a kiss onto the vast expanse of fat above my belly button, an area they were so excited to see expand under their care. they’d struggle a bit to lift one of my tits, eager to see how my breath hitches at the thought of their mouth on me. these are all distractions. they’ve mastered this game of manipulation and there’s no way i’d be able to find my way out of their control. their touch, the food they offer me, even those moments when i’m not high or in a haze of fullness and pleasure, were meant to further ensnare me and ensure i’m theirs for as long as i live.

my health, my life, is in my feeder’s hands. they know what’s best. as long as i keep eating, keep taking the pills they hand me, keep ignoring how hard it is to move and breathe, it will all be fine. or, that’s what i’d tell myself.

[smthnsmthn-whumpblog]

i would like to see more permanent brain damage in whump please and thank you.

and not just traumatic head injuries, though they are fun, but also shit like hypoxia. you know how much fun you can have with that? like, maybe your whumpee drowns and is fully dead for a hot second, and there’s just. no air inside them for a while. they come to after someone saves their life and they’re just hacking and coughing and spluttering and desperately trying to suck down air, you know the drill. or maybe they get shot, in the liver or something, and they just won’t stop bleeding. when they eventually do, they’ve lost so much blood that they’re on death’s door, and there’s a race to get them a blood transfusion before it’s too late. the team manages, but only just, and whumpee’s brain has been deprived of oxygen for so long that when they eventually wake up, they’re so confused, and weak, and scared. fun stuff, right?

and then you have the brain damage. there is so much fucking potential here for whumpy recovery shit. maybe they can’t talk anymore, maybe they can’t understand people anymore, maybe they can’t move properly anymore, maybe they become a different person entirely, a la phineas gage. and they don’t know what to do. their entire life has just been permanently altered, their fucking brain is different now. they lash out more, they wished they didn’t but they can’t help it. or maybe they just become apathetic, and they can’t feel any emotions strongly so they’re just left with this dull, droning sense of guilt for being such a dick. maybe they start crying every now and then, and they don’t really know why, they just feel so fucking sad. maybe they get consumed by this dreadful feeling of isolation, unable to communicate with their friends like they used to.

and then the team has to try and rehabilitate them.

[thebrainrotsreal]

Random musings about an episode where Spectra disguised herself as a student, rather than a counselor to sow misery within the high school! Spreading gossip, being outright malicious, shattering friendships, and all that jazz! Plus, using that fact she looks like a teen against Danny, since unless cornering her, he couldn't fight her without looking like he's attacking a random student.