#personal ramblings sorry

[northwest-cryptid]

I'm not gonna lie, I sort of despised my time as a Vtuber on twitter because of how much drama seemingly springs up out of nowhere. I mean people would literally become hypocrites in a matter of a week if it made them look like the good guy of the day. I couldn't stand the constant "one upping" that would happen and it made me feel sick, like literally anxiety stricken sick to interact with people since a major of the time if you didn't have a big following people would throw you under the bus just to go posting about how righteous and woke they were. I still remember people straight up telling me in a private call "I just see you as a man, I don't believe non-binary people exist" and then no joke, a week later posting "I go by She/They now and you have to respect my pronouns" which I'd love to say "people change, maybe they grew and learned about themselves" about except for the fact this post was made following this big social debate about pronouns which I only know about because 3 people who stopped talking to me, and basically said I was "bad for their brand" decided to say how I was "their friend" and how great they were to be friends with an NB to the point of calling out people mid-stream in the most dramatic ways during collabs because "IT'S THEY NOT HE!" When I openly stated that it's really embarrassing to have people do that, and to please just trust that if I have a problem with the way someone is addressing me I'll say something myself; when you go through this for the better part of a whole year (almost a year and a half since I was part of the community prior to having an avatar and the whole vtubing set up) it begins to take all the fun out of being a streamer.

I'm a Vtuber because I love the concept behind being represented by a character that can look however I want to look instead of being called out or judged for the way my hair looks or if I dress in a way someone doesn't like, I've always said that those comments are pointless since I'm here to stream a game and entertain an audience; my appearance should never be the main focus and I got tired of being on webcam because of how often people would point out something about me even when it was meant as a compliment. That being said you can imagine how absolutely infuriating it is to be told by someone who's " a successful and popular vtuber " because they have 1k+ twitter followers (and 2 active viewers, one of whom is me, and one who is them...) that I'm not good enough to be their friend or even talk to them or collab with them until I "get my numbers up" and "figure out my brand" I'm an entertainer, I love to create! I gave up on vtuber teams, I gave up on collabing with people, I gave up on even streaming for a long time.

But the more I interact with people on tumblr the more I remember why I love vtubing, as a character designer it's so much fun to see the characters people make and stream with. It's like this huge game of improv D&D and even people like myself who don't really play up a character or have any lore or such, can still really enjoy just sharing our characters with others and having some brainrot over our favorite games. You know, all the stuff I loved about vtubing and streaming and being creative. It really makes me want to reach out to more vtubers here on tumblr and potentially try to make some friends; I'm shy as hell and I unfortunately have dealt with a year of basically being told "you're not cool enough to sit with us" lol but who knows, I've met some really cool people who openly accept me for who/what I am and I'd love to connect with more streamers and vtubers provided my insecurities and shy personality don't get in the way.

If you've ever wanted to be my friend, like genuinely wanted to get to know me; just pester me about shit. I promise even if it takes me 3 weeks to get back to you; it isn't a bother I'm never bothered I love getting asks, DMs, whatever. It's just fun to connect with people and get to know people.

I literally met my partner via this site and she will attest that it took like 4 years for her to get me to talk reliably, I accidentally ghosted her several times because I was too shy to talk to her even though I really wanted to be her friend, and now we live together so like; yea please by all means if you want to be my friend just like nicely harass me about shit I promise it'll pay off eventually :P

[jettreno]

[lazylittledragon]

taking all my american followers by the shoulders. listen to me. just because you have a more promising candidate now doesn't mean you just assume it's going to be fine and don't bother voting. assuming trump wasn't going to win is how you got here in the first place so you go out and fucking vote for harris and give everyone a fighting chance.

also if you're still in the 'they're both as bad as eachother' delirium, please take your head out from between your cheeks and consider that your options are an imperfect president and the literal worst person alive who is going to get masses of people killed. i've said it like this before, but it's like deciding between maybe getting food poisoning or definitely having a brain aneurysm. take your pick i guess but don't be surprised when you drop dead.

[a-little-ray-of-fantasy]

"If there's anything I've learned it's that words... are cheap."

"But actions?"

"They speak the truth."

[heilos]

I don't know how other people feel on this, but i'm honestly so tired of the model for dropping a full season of episodes in one day for a new show or a continuing season. How is anyone suppose to build hype and story anticipation from episode to episode and how does that help with wait time in between seasons or the people making the show? So frustrating how that's considered a norm.

If a show season is already out there and done, obviously binge to your hearts content, you do what you wanna do with the time you have for leisurely watching of course. I just don't think the drop and run format for a whole season on a single day or even in a single week is a healthy practice for animation and I wish studios and investors would reconsider.

[crismakesstuff]

cast out of paradise

[pyralart]

I don't think Belos is taking it very well

First part (You are here) >> Next Part

First batch of this little series, inspired by @petitprincess1's idea! I couldn't get this scenario out of my head so of course I drew it.

Get ready because it will have at least 8 pages! Probably my longest comic yet

There will be some angst but the violence will overall be canon-typical!

[infinitysgrace]

"his desire to prove himself got him killed"

that's a weird way to say his mother lied to him, betrayed him and pulled a gun on him, and then watched while smoking a cigarette as he got the shit beat out of him with a crowbar...

[aintnopartylikeaprideparty]

as someone who has experienced abuse from someone with a personality disorder, it's actually incredibly easy to not dehumanize everyone with a personality disorder. i've seen people do borderline eugenic rhetoric surrounding people who have npd, aspd, bpd or other personality disorders, and then be like "I'M allowed to say these things because i'm a survivor, and if you disagree you are hurting abuse victims."

and frankly? i'm tired of it. as an abuse survivor i'm here to say that you're NOT allowed to turn into a fucking eugenicist the moment you're hurt by someone with a personality disorder.

does hurting and belittling other people who happen to have the same disorder as your abuser, people that are already suffering and that are already looked down on by society, bring you any healing? does it bring you peace?

Being hurt by someone isn't an excuse to hurt others that you feel justified in lashing out on. you're literally in control of your own actions,

you may claim to be making a safe space for abuse survivors, but i will never feel any solidarity with you, and i ESPECIALLY don't feel safe with you considering i might have a personality disorder.

you are excluding a large amount of abuse survivors in the name of "advocacy". a lot of people with personality disorders developed one or multiple due to heavy abuse. in the aim of creating a safe space, you are excluding the ones who need a safe space the most.

[littlemissnice]

you know when men say that breathy shaky ‘fuuuuck’? Yea, that’s nice.

[the-rolls-on-black]

Idc if this design isn't canon. He's such a goof!!! He's so cute!!! Excuse my rambling but..

He absolutely still reacts like this when you give him a kiss on the cheek. Everytime! Doesn't matter if he's a huge flirt or likes to brag about how he can "get any babe he wants"–affection towards him is hard to come by, especially for someone like him. It's different when it's you holding his hand and swiping your thumb over his knuckles. You still catch him off guard with your surprise hugs, the ones where you hug him from behind, snaking your arms around his middle, and pressing your face against his back, because you just want to give this old man a heart attack..

Every evening, he shares his chair with you and watches your favorite TV show to make you happy (and he will absolutely refuse to admit to your face that he likes it too). He blushes and makes that cute smile when you lean in and kiss his cheek. And when you press further, leaving gentle kisses all over his face--the corner of his smile, his nose, all the way to his scruffy jaw, he's adorable. He squeezes his can of Pitt Cola, he squirms--ticklish, the tips of his ears turning red. It's all too easy for him to mumble something, his voice sweet and soft, warm and unguarded, and kiss you back.

It's different for him, to be loved, and it's nice.

[cosmiclion]

I'm dead serious some of y'all need to stop commenting shit like "Kill it with fire!!1!" on every post of a bug or any "scary" creature you see. Idgaf if you have a phobia or how many legs it has, having such a violent hateful reaction to any animal is just not normal behavior. And that goes double for posts by someone who's happy about the creature, I'm not asking you to go cuddle bugs just to mind your own business, people don't want to hear how much you hate something they like.

Edit since I forgot this was the piss on the poor website: Yes ofc ppl should tag pics of bugs so that those who don't wanna see them can filter them, and yes I know ppl can't choose what they are scared of, but wishing violent death on an animal, wanting to drive a species to extinction and telling people who like unconventional animals that you hate them and wish they died is still not normal behavior, hope that helps.

[lazylittledragon]

TO THE PERSON WHO SAW ME AND SAID “I KNOW YOU” AND I PANICKED AND JUST SAID “OK” I’M SO SORRY I WAS SO TIRED

[durge-marzio]

Ohhh, I'm rereading Mystra's entry in the Sword Coast Adventurer's Guide... and this detail:

This means Gale was punished for trying to restore and preserve what he thought was a lost piece of Mystra's magic. Gale being Mystra's ex-lover put aside. He as her follower, she his goddess, was punished for attempting to do the one foundational rule of her faith.

I'm seething and so sad at the same time.

Edit: I used the word punish loosely, as in, toxic/abusive people will take any small mistake or action and twist it into something they can take advantage of. This post was also largely from the stand point of a toxic deity rather than a toxic partner, but both takes are valid here. Especially with the, “you didn’t stay compliant so now I’m giving you the silent treatment” part of it—from a god and a partner perspective.

[miitopia-cake]

I wish some aces would stop excluding other aces with complex sexual experiences. like I get why but you have to realize that being ace does not mean they don't enjoy sexual experiences and it's weird when you complain about allo people and boil it down to "people who have sexual experiences" and also shame people for their sex life and kinks as if your own community doesnt INCLUDE those people. because there are other aces out there who still masturbate, who feel sexually attracted to their own body, who barely experiences sexual attraction but still enjoys sex, who like consuming sexual media, who like sfw kink. being ace is so so much more complex than just "disliking sex". and also aromantic exclusionism in the same genre of posts is something i see a lot. especially aro allos. I hate hate hate seeing a community that SHOULD be inclusive boil down sexuality and exclude people.

[traumasurvivors]

I often see messages about how “one day you’ll be thankful you didn’t give up”.

And I remember reading these messages years ago and dismissing them. I’d even feel bitter at them. I’d feel annoyed even. I thought there was never a chance they would be true for me.

I was wrong. I constantly feel so glad I stuck around.

This morning, I laid next to my husband and felt safe in his arms. And I thought about how glad I was to be here with him. I’d have never met him if I hadn’t tried to recover.

While writing this post, my dog stretched in the bed before circling and plopping herself back down. Her head pushed into my side, snoring so quickly. And I was so thankful to be around to hear her little snores and feel her next to me. I’d have never had her if I hadn’t done the work to heal.

Yesterday, my best friend and I made plans to see each other. She told me she loved me. It made me feel warm inside and so thankful I was around to see her get married and have her at my wedding.

I enjoy the little things now. I enjoy the way my husband always gives me a forehead kiss before he leaves. I enjoy the way my dog comes running when she hears me go lay on the bed because she wants to be with me. I enjoy the tea I have every day, being able to be outside in the sun. I enjoy excitedly waiting for music from my favourite artists to drop.

All these things I’d never enjoy if I gave up.

I am thankful I stuck around. I am thankful I didn’t give up.

And I hope that if you aren’t, that one day you are too.