#personal ramblings sorry

[northwest-cryptid]

I'm not gonna lie, I sort of despised my time as a Vtuber on twitter because of how much drama seemingly springs up out of nowhere. I mean people would literally become hypocrites in a matter of a week if it made them look like the good guy of the day. I couldn't stand the constant "one upping" that would happen and it made me feel sick, like literally anxiety stricken sick to interact with people since a major of the time if you didn't have a big following people would throw you under the bus just to go posting about how righteous and woke they were. I still remember people straight up telling me in a private call "I just see you as a man, I don't believe non-binary people exist" and then no joke, a week later posting "I go by She/They now and you have to respect my pronouns" which I'd love to say "people change, maybe they grew and learned about themselves" about except for the fact this post was made following this big social debate about pronouns which I only know about because 3 people who stopped talking to me, and basically said I was "bad for their brand" decided to say how I was "their friend" and how great they were to be friends with an NB to the point of calling out people mid-stream in the most dramatic ways during collabs because "IT'S THEY NOT HE!" When I openly stated that it's really embarrassing to have people do that, and to please just trust that if I have a problem with the way someone is addressing me I'll say something myself; when you go through this for the better part of a whole year (almost a year and a half since I was part of the community prior to having an avatar and the whole vtubing set up) it begins to take all the fun out of being a streamer.

I'm a Vtuber because I love the concept behind being represented by a character that can look however I want to look instead of being called out or judged for the way my hair looks or if I dress in a way someone doesn't like, I've always said that those comments are pointless since I'm here to stream a game and entertain an audience; my appearance should never be the main focus and I got tired of being on webcam because of how often people would point out something about me even when it was meant as a compliment. That being said you can imagine how absolutely infuriating it is to be told by someone who's " a successful and popular vtuber " because they have 1k+ twitter followers (and 2 active viewers, one of whom is me, and one who is them...) that I'm not good enough to be their friend or even talk to them or collab with them until I "get my numbers up" and "figure out my brand" I'm an entertainer, I love to create! I gave up on vtuber teams, I gave up on collabing with people, I gave up on even streaming for a long time.

But the more I interact with people on tumblr the more I remember why I love vtubing, as a character designer it's so much fun to see the characters people make and stream with. It's like this huge game of improv D&D and even people like myself who don't really play up a character or have any lore or such, can still really enjoy just sharing our characters with others and having some brainrot over our favorite games. You know, all the stuff I loved about vtubing and streaming and being creative. It really makes me want to reach out to more vtubers here on tumblr and potentially try to make some friends; I'm shy as hell and I unfortunately have dealt with a year of basically being told "you're not cool enough to sit with us" lol but who knows, I've met some really cool people who openly accept me for who/what I am and I'd love to connect with more streamers and vtubers provided my insecurities and shy personality don't get in the way.

If you've ever wanted to be my friend, like genuinely wanted to get to know me; just pester me about shit. I promise even if it takes me 3 weeks to get back to you; it isn't a bother I'm never bothered I love getting asks, DMs, whatever. It's just fun to connect with people and get to know people.

I literally met my partner via this site and she will attest that it took like 4 years for her to get me to talk reliably, I accidentally ghosted her several times because I was too shy to talk to her even though I really wanted to be her friend, and now we live together so like; yea please by all means if you want to be my friend just like nicely harass me about shit I promise it'll pay off eventually :P

[notherpuppet]

@/coma_0423’s cursed cat alastor will bring you happiness ♥️

Lulu scolds the cat

[jettreno]

[antivancathedral]

(continues to be insane) I can’t get over the fact that Spite asks for help.

Spite is often treated childishly by several characters—Taash, for example, and even Lucanis depending on your dialogue choices—but I actually…don’t think Spite is all that childish. He’s been put into a situation he’s never experienced before, in a place where reality doesn’t work like it should, and been put through torture that he feels doubly through Lucanis on top of it all. Any person would through a “tantrum” under these circumstances. Spite’s behavior is reasonable.

He never tries to hurt Lucanis’s companions, not once. He only ever tries to leave, as Lucanis promised him he would be able to. Even Lucanis, he only hurts once outside of the Ossuary, when he must have felt unbelievably confused. Calivan is dead and Lucanis has gone home, has allies, and yet to Spite, he simply refuses to leave the Ossuary. And still, he asks. He could wrestle control from Lucanis, but instead he asks (or demands) to talk to Rook. And all he wants to say is that he wants to be free.

All and all, Lucanis does not reach out to anyone to ask for help with his depression or PSTD. Spite is his problem, he says, and says often. His burden. He never intended to let anyone in, even though he admits that he doesn’t know how to start healing. He asks for Rook’s help against Zara, against Illario, but no one is privy to his mental and emotional struggles.

Spite, on the other hand, asks immediately. Or he wants to ask. And finally, when Lucanis is in the middle of a spiral, it's Spite that says "Help us." Not demanding, just asking. Pleading. And still only to Rook. While I think at first, Spite wants Rook specifically because he knows Lucanis will listen, I think that has grown into something more by the time Inner Demons comes around.

"Help us," he says. Not just 'make him listen' or 'help Lucanis'. Us.

This is all to say I think that while Spite may not understand or feel romance (yet) he most certainly feels love. He loves Lucanis, whose image he takes ("They wouldn't dare, Lucanis is mine.") and he loves Rook ("Rook is my favorite." "Smells like...Rook." "Help us." The WINGS.) And that's all trust is, isn't it? A kind of love? Showing vulnerability to someone close to you?

When Spite is finally allowed to communicate, he shows plenty of maturity. He gives Lucanis space, he asks Emmrich to teach him fire, he's willing to try new things, and he loves.

Determination is a kind of love too, when you think about it.

[littlemissnice]

you know when men say that breathy shaky ‘fuuuuck’? Yea, that’s nice.

[lazylittledragon]

taking all my american followers by the shoulders. listen to me. just because you have a more promising candidate now doesn't mean you just assume it's going to be fine and don't bother voting. assuming trump wasn't going to win is how you got here in the first place so you go out and fucking vote for harris and give everyone a fighting chance.

also if you're still in the 'they're both as bad as eachother' delirium, please take your head out from between your cheeks and consider that your options are an imperfect president and the literal worst person alive who is going to get masses of people killed. i've said it like this before, but it's like deciding between maybe getting food poisoning or definitely having a brain aneurysm. take your pick i guess but don't be surprised when you drop dead.

[a-little-ray-of-fantasy]

"If there's anything I've learned it's that words... are cheap."

"But actions?"

"They speak the truth."

[heilos]

I don't know how other people feel on this, but i'm honestly so tired of the model for dropping a full season of episodes in one day for a new show or a continuing season. How is anyone suppose to build hype and story anticipation from episode to episode and how does that help with wait time in between seasons or the people making the show? So frustrating how that's considered a norm.

If a show season is already out there and done, obviously binge to your hearts content, you do what you wanna do with the time you have for leisurely watching of course. I just don't think the drop and run format for a whole season on a single day or even in a single week is a healthy practice for animation and I wish studios and investors would reconsider.

[cosmiclion]

I'm dead serious some of y'all need to stop commenting shit like "Kill it with fire!!1!" on every post of a bug or any "scary" creature you see. Idgaf if you have a phobia or how many legs it has, having such a violent hateful reaction to any animal is just not normal behavior. And that goes double for posts by someone who's happy about the creature, I'm not asking you to go cuddle bugs just to mind your own business, people don't want to hear how much you hate something they like.

[evesedenramblings]

Despite what Damon Maitsu wants to think, he has been incredibly trusting and kind throughout the Killing Game thus far. His actions contradict a lot of his own inner thoughts. Even though he is often rude he’s also rather kind, and that’s important to recognize since he wants to believe he’s so de-attached from everyone.

I think the first thing that comes to mind is the first trial’s Pathos route, where Damon decides to defend Diana based on his gut feeling despite all the clear evidence- or, trusting Diana’s character to be true over his own deductions. The second thing is when he realizes his trust of Eva is built on nothing. What both of these things have in common is how mad Damon is about it. Damon doesn’t want to defend Diana, he gets incredibly mad at himself when he realizes he’s sympathetic to her crying and wants to trust in her. The same goes for Eva, but his trust is lost instead. Damon gets angry when he realizes the only reason he trusted Eva was because he fell into the “Us vs Them” mentality, and he automatically grouped Eva in with himself, but Eva didn’t do the same thing. At the core of the issue, Damon is mad because without even realizing it, he is a hypocrite. He claims the students shouldn’t be able to so easily trust each other, then went and easily trusted just the same- and chose the worst person to acknowledge he trusted.

I say Damon acknowledges he trusted Eva because I think Damon trusts the other students more than he realizes. He is easily able to engage in Free Time Events with every student, except Grace. The fact there’s no Grace FTE’s, or to be Meta an exception to “hang out with your favourites!” rule, makes it feel in-character that Damon trusts the other students enough with his safety, but not Grace. Also, a lot of what happens in those FTE’s like Jean picking up Damon by his ankles has to mean they’re at least some sort of comfort with each other. The other students do seem comfortable with Damon, even the youngest student Toshiko knows she can call Damon a cutesy name like Mochi- he’s unhappy about it but ultimately does nothing. Ingrid asks him to help with the laundry and he agrees- grumbles about it later to himself but doesn’t actually protest to Ingrid’s face, and does his share. There’s also the fact that Damon doesn’t protest the roommate rule, and then how immediately comfortable he gets with said roommate. He even prefers to sleep in Kai’s room at a certain point, as sleeping alone in his own room makes him too anxious as opposed to sleeping along with someone else. For someone who claims to be untrusting, Damon spends a lot of time with other people one-on-one and in group settings, and being kind to them as well.

The only time I can think Damon doesn’t cooperate with the group is when Eva shows him the Tozu Equation and he says they should keep it secret. However, even then, Damon means *he and Eva* should keep it secret. He still means to work with Eva, as their own private team. He doesn’t go work on it on his own at any point, and asks her about it later if she had made any progress. When she says no, Damon assures her that he hadn’t expected her to with all the ongoing issues. He believes her at face value and doesn’t go to check on it, and was kind to her about the issue.

Still, there is an obvious elephant in the room: Damon is still an outsider. He’s not part of the group, there’s no equal exchange of first. The obvious solution, and one Damon comments on himself multiple times, is that he’s cooperating with them only to gain their trust, *not* because he trusts them. However, I think Damon is lying to himself, or is just unaware of how much trust he puts into his actions. For a comparison, I want us to look at Eva. Eva only spends time individually with Damon, who she “trusts”. Other than that, the only time we see her with others is to gather information or purposefully be seen while plotting her murder. We don’t have much insight on her rooming situation but Diana’s comments imply Eva was often absent from their room. Eva tends to lurk in the boiler room alone, specifically because nobody wants to go down there. She has no interest in her classmates and doesn’t trust any of them, and only takes interest in them when she needs them. Now this could just be a difference of strategy (Eva wanting to gain trust when the time was right, and Damon wanting to gain trust in advance) but frankly, it didn’t work. Damon spent more time cooperating with the class, and yet in the trial they hesitate to believe him over Eva based on his character. The only reason they choose to believe him is because they take a moment to reassess everything Damon has been saying, and draw a logical conclusion. Damon has still gained no real trust from their group, so what was the point of everything he’s done if it amounted to nothing?

Damon, whose situation is extremely close to Eva’s, is willing to share his living space with another person, to the point he shares the bed with them (his idea btw), not even swapping the bed every night. Eva feels more safe alone with her own mind and intelligence, but Damon has always reached out to other people for security. After Tozu threatened him, Damon went to Kai despite his belief Kai might kill him. When Wolfgang turned the group against him, Damon automatically latched onto the one other outcast, Eva without even realizing it. He’d already latched onto her from the moment they awoke in the boiler room together.

I definitely missed some stuff, like how Damon was the only one willing to grab Kai’s ring in the FTE- just say no if you don’t want to do it Damon. It’s going to be important to remember how kind he is in these earlier chapters since that kindness and trust he employed has now been thrown back in his own face and spit on (thanks Eva), so I’m not sure we’re ever going to see Damon be this unintentionally kind again.

[crismakesstuff]

cast out of paradise

[xxplastic-cubexx]

evo doodling

[pyralart]

I don't think Belos is taking it very well

First part (You are here) >> Next Part

First batch of this little series, inspired by @petitprincess1's idea! I couldn't get this scenario out of my head so of course I drew it.

Get ready because it will have at least 8 pages! Probably my longest comic yet

There will be some angst but the violence will overall be canon-typical!

[aclockworkreader]

a bit of a personal ramble because fuck it, i’m posting whatever i want on here:

the past couple years have been some of the most difficult of my life. my mom being unexpectedly hospitalized twice, the worst creative burnout of my career, the grief of reading the news about palestine every day, deep rooted anxieties about not being good enough resurfacing at an all time high, and realizing i was unhappy around people i thought i’d love forever. without getting too dark, i’d never felt more hopeless.

but even through all of that, even with the state of the world right now and the impending doom of waking up each day, i think this might be the most fearless i’ve felt in a very long time.

i just want to be alive and create and build community and share a space where we all still feel hope for our world. and that’s what i’m going to do, through the fear, through all the shit of life, i’ll be here.

[infinitysgrace]

"his desire to prove himself got him killed"

that's a weird way to say his mother lied to him, betrayed him and pulled a gun on him, and then watched while smoking a cigarette as he got the shit beat out of him with a crowbar...

[aintnopartylikeaprideparty]

as someone who has experienced abuse from someone with a personality disorder, it's actually incredibly easy to not dehumanize everyone with a personality disorder. i've seen people do borderline eugenic rhetoric surrounding people who have npd, aspd, bpd or other personality disorders, and then be like "I'M allowed to say these things because i'm a survivor, and if you disagree you are hurting abuse victims."

and frankly? i'm tired of it. as an abuse survivor i'm here to say that you're NOT allowed to turn into a fucking eugenicist the moment you're hurt by someone with a personality disorder.

does hurting and belittling other people who happen to have the same disorder as your abuser, people that are already suffering and that are already looked down on by society, bring you any healing? does it bring you peace?

Being hurt by someone isn't an excuse to hurt others that you feel justified in lashing out on. you're literally in control of your own actions,

you may claim to be making a safe space for abuse survivors, but i will never feel any solidarity with you, and i ESPECIALLY don't feel safe with you considering i might have a personality disorder.

you are excluding a large amount of abuse survivors in the name of "advocacy". a lot of people with personality disorders developed one or multiple due to heavy abuse. in the aim of creating a safe space, you are excluding the ones who need a safe space the most.