#personal and venting ig

[elusivefagguette]

I'm so fucking lonely man

27 years of being fat, single, 27 fucking years of being an afterthought at best 27 years of telling myself my parents were wrong and just realizing this year that no, they were right.

I keep telling myself I'll kill myself if I'm 30 and still single but idk if I can hold out that long

Life just being told I'm unlovable, that I make people miserable, being blamed for everything, being told when I was 11 that it's my fault my mom tried to kill herself, 27 years of trying so hard to feel like I belong and I'm allowed to be wanted and for what.

For my only options being people who don't give a fuck and just want to use me sexually when others are too busy for them? To only feel needed or wanted when someone is making me throw up and choke for their pleasure?

To not have a sense of community in any way and be so fucking isolated and alone and lonely all the fucking time?

To be so fucking broken I have to resign myself to accepting the fact I am deeply unlovable just because of my body?

Used to think about how happy I'd be if someone got me flowers and now I know it's never gonna happen and then being told oh it doesn't matter like that's supposed to help

Fucking unreal how lonely I feel

[porcelainnpines]

a terrible injustice

[crime-wives]

do you ever feel like, oh god, my life is slipping away and i’m just sitting here. watching. there’s the constant, incessant itch to grab the reins and pull. but whatever you do, your hands keep sliding off, and the days keep slipping by and there’s no way to stop? and i just think, oh god, it’s almost may and i feel stuck. i am the same person i was in january, and february, and march. how does the world keep turning and i’m still here?

[emberglowfox]

like you would not believe

[tangledinink]

me and my friends were discussing a dumb personality quiz thing which led to me being told that i'm "the least anxious out of all of us" and "generally very down to earth and relaxed" and that "my version of dangerous thoughts on a bender is just to make TMNT fanart" and im sitting here like

... me?

[zombehlovejuice]

ew emo /ref

i miss people, friends, family. just. people. mb for the goofy ass post

[honeypleasejustkillme]

yeaaa it’s me

[venacoeurva]

...I know people in this day and age think any collaborative effort can fix things, often despite reality (ex. the MULTIPLE tumblr blackout protests over the last like 10 years across different owners of tumblr that didn’t change shit),

but I think going out of your way to buy things from tumblr en masse as a “well then they’ll be profitable and won’t have to change things to resemble profitable sites!” as if the CEO/higher ups are personally going to see this and not AT MOST just go “oh we made money, sick, Anyway.” is just. the most naive and frankly 5-year-old level of problem solving unrealistic idea if you think about it for more than 5 seconds. People are just so blinded by naive optimism it’s painful.

Staff isn’t going to see your purchases and go on a full redemption arc and restore porn in spite of payment systems’ massive stigma against it or Apple’s restrictions and never ever try to mimic Twitter or TikTok again, or whatever the fuck you’re expecting, they’ll keep focusing on shit tweaks that resemble other sites because those are what keep investors who think they know tech and user wants hooked and they think new people from other sites will come over for that instead of the fact these people are typically escaping those kinds of features.

Staff isn’t your friend, their vying for support like they’re your buddy who is hitting hard times and has been here holding your hand all these years is deliberate corporate marketing, they’re an arm of a corporation that spits in the face of LGBTQ+ people and especially black people for daring to post about themselves while touting themselves as The Queer Site! A diverse site! Look at this AMA we’re doing with someone about Black History Month! and you’re doing nobody a service when you’re unintentionally rewarding a service for getting worse because they will not know nor care about your motives, they just care that they got money and will continue making it worse regardless of you. They’re a corporation, not a small business ran by 10 people who are trying their best. People throwing money at Staff already encourages them, let alone when you buy into the weird parasocial shit they try with us which will continue as they see success with that method.

Like the mere idea of everyone buying the crabs to gift to make the site profitable is just unrealistic (especially in this economy with such terrible inflation and in NA there are issues with the weather and fires, on a site that mostly consists of groups of people who are typically low income or unable to work???), it feels very much like the gofundme pages people set up to raise money for celebrities who have debts who will be fine regardless and definitely don’t need your help. Corporations and CEOs are not your friends, they never will be. They do not care about you and they’re not some poor uwu victim of circumstance.

TL;DR half-assed blackouts aimed at companies that don’t care (that I have seen over and over) and “cr*b day” type efforts are incredibly dumb and will change nothing, and they will not change anything, just encourage them since they see they’re making money during their current marketing schemes, if they notice at all. You pitying them like they’re a poor innocent person is exactly what the corporation wants.

If you want to make a difference give that money to an artist or lgbtq+ people who basically get flagged as mature for Existing, or people who get their posts flagged for criticizing the site, or something, someone who gets screwed over by this site on the regular. It will do far more good than that whackadoo type pipe dream and sit down and think for a second, please.

[pythonstrid3r]

Fucking exhausted of the way that chronically ill people aren't allowed to be angry, we are constantly told to 'be strong' and to 'learn to live with it'

I don't want to live with this shit, I have the right to be angry about it, this shit ruined my fucking life and you want me to 'be strong' and get over it??

Everything I had, everything I enjoyed, my friend, hobbies, all of it was torn away and I'm supposed to not be angry?

It's fucking insane

Let us be angry.

[crispy0nion]

how do i explain to my mother that there's definitely something wrong with me (neurodivergency) and that the fact that she always answers "no it's normal i do that too" simply means she's like me too and not that it's a funny little family quirk

[lunarcat982]

Fucking dysphoria’s a shit bag, I js shut myself off from my sister and am rly rude to her and I can’t stop and I wanna be normal and idk I js have loads of pressure recently ughhh sry I js rly needed to get that out I think

It’s js a lot rn lmao

[bad-dog-imsorry]

I wish more people understood how hard it is to go to school with avpd + stpd + autism

[strawberri-draws]

various drawings of child me in a big ol' tutu haha

[aliceosemansolos]

i've been watching bojack horseman for the last few months and i've just started the fifth season. i see myself in bojack quite a lot, does that make me an asshole? i've watched a lot of tiktoks about the show and every comment i've read has talked about how all the characters are quite shitty except for todd. i see myself in todd too and it's like a line that i'm standing in the middle of. i've asked people around me and it's always a mixed opnion so am i a bad person or a good one? i mean who decides that i am a bad person or a good person. i can't tell and i really don't have anyone to guide me on this. is there something in the middle?

[tsams-and-co-memes]

Hooooooooh boy, did my respect for Monty just plummet drastically

Once we look past how violent and aggressive Monty can be, how they can also be straight-up abusive at times, and how they love threatening, bullying, lying to, and coercing people, we're left with an individual who pointed a (presumably) loaded gun at two of their friends to be funny, who pointed the same gun at their girlfriend's brother's face for coercion purposes, and who also pointed the gun at the forehead of a literal child

Monty, I used to like you, and you had my respect when you were helping get rid of Eclipse and when you were helping to get Lunar back, but you lost all that respect almost immediately. What are you even doing with yourself. Dating Earth is not a get out of jail free card, you need to do better

Edit: Honestly? Earth needs to find out that Monty was going around pointing a gun at people, especially Sun and FC. I want her to find out, and I'm gonna be a bit agitated if Monty doesn't get some kind of consequence to deal with as a result of their actions

[lifeismarvelous]

body dysphoria sucks.