#people who have never been friends with any fun queer in their life when someone is not trying to be a Clean Girl Coquettecore Softie™️

[patchyworx]

Can the "very mindful very demure" meme die now. Please. People are taking it seriously

[paraphwrites]

so obviously the time period a character comes from impacts them. but i adore the analysis of dbda and loneliness so now i want to analyze the characters + their time period + loneliness

edwin. so, edwin is from the 1900s. he was raised with the knowledge that he would join the military, that he would get married. this was an accepted part of life. now, i do not wish to analyze the full scale of edwin's relationship with violence (at least, not here), but i do think it's interesting that edwin goes out of his way not to inflict harm on others. this is potentially because he was raised in such a way where that was the norm, and he always knew he did not fit traditional male standards. he has always preferred knowledge and books to fighting and sport. this would have been incredibly isolating, especially as a young boy in a school for children of military members. additionally, as a queer person, edwin would have been entirely socially isolated from his peers. whether they picked up on it like simon or just thought he was un-manly, the point stands: edwin would not have fit in with his peers and seemingly had no friends when he died. which is very sad. and very lonely.

crystal. crystal's parents neglected her for their work. she lashes out. she lashes out and pushes people away (or in front of traffic). she is volatile and destructive and she is like this because she lives in an age when parents are expected to care for their children, and her parents still actively chose not to. crystal is especially traumatized because even tho she is in upper class which may have a higher rate of willful parental neglect, the expectation is still that parents love their children. moreover crystal is psychic, and that's never really been fun. she'll be completely different from all her peers in a fundamental way which she probably never talks about with any of them! so, like, of course when david, a demon, comes along, she lets him in - she's finally with someone who understands and makes her feel less lonely. someone else who's weird and angry and pretty and supernatural. and then he, too, betrays her. there is also almost certainly a race element, which may further disassociate her from her peers, seeing as the upper class is usually very white.

jenny. so jenny grew up as a lesbian in the 90s. now, i don't know much about washington state, but i do know that they legalized gay marriage in 2012. which means for over half of jenny's life, she was living with the knowledge that she would never get to live the same type of life as her peers; though the white picket fence americana dream may have been less prevalent by the 90s, it still was very ingrained in american society - especially small town society. i wonder if part of jenny's gothic fashion is to distinguish herself from other people - if she cannot have the same lives as them, then no one will make the mistake of assuming she will.

so the night nurse is lonely in a very unique way. she is lonely because she does not have a proper conception of an actual human life. she has no friends or relationships - nor does she want to; she does not know what they are like. and, i think, because she exists so outside of time and removed from society, that it makes her inherently lonely. she is lonely because somehow she was created and somehow someone convinced her that her only purpose in life is to collect lost children and she is satisfied with this but she is also alone. she has no time period to be contextualized in, and that in itself is the context.

niko is lonely because her dad is dead and her mom lives in a different continent. and i think that because she is able to utilize manga and cartoons as a form of escapism, it allows her to fill that void of devastating loneliness a bit more. she lives in a world where if she doesn't want to think she does not have to. she is not obligated to be courageous. however, she also lives in a world where she is able to choose to self-isolate, even if that isn't good for her. so when she is sad she hides away because she can and it's scary and she doesn't want to do it alone but she doesn't want to do it with her mom. i've seen people saying crystal is such a teenage girl but niko? niko wants her mom to comfort her but doesn't want to talk to her mom. niko is horribly lonely and it's only a gay victorian twink who can get her to smile again. niko is lonely because she exists in a world which allows her to be and it takes someone who is not from this time to help her move past this

charles. god, we all know how lonely charles is. biracial, abused by his father, probably bisexual, good with people yet killed via hate crime, morally upstanding. charles is the epitome of loneliness because he grows up in such a particular moment of time. he lives in the 80s. feminism and queer rights have been radically shifting in the past two decades. the 80s have huge amounts conservative pushback from these movements. so, yeah, being gay isn't a crime anymore, but gendered expectations are being reestablished in a new harmful way. so, yeah, charles is growing up in a time of progress, but he's also growing up in a household which will absolutely be anti-progress, and ergo charles is stuck in this dichotomy of he could hypothetically have everything but that would mean losing everything, too. he's lonely because his dad beats him. he's lonely because his mom doesn't say anything. he's lonely because he has a piercing but his dad locked him in his room for three days after it. he's lonely because he attends a boarding school which rich racist pricks. he's lonely because never once in his life has he admitted how the intersection of all his identities puts him in a situation where he is completely alone. and he isn't alone -he's got edwin- but their experiences with loneliness are vastly different.

as i have said a stupid number of times, dead boy detectives is a story about loneliness. and the writers made these characters so damn brilliantly because they all make so much sense in the context they were raised in.

we are all shaped by the context's we're raised in. everyone is raised at a different moment in history in different environments with different families. human experiences are so unique that everyone is inherently lonely. but lonely does not mean alone and lonely does not mean forever. it means when you were fourteen you cried yourself to sleep but now you're twenty and know how to play cricket and your friends come to all of your matches. it means you were raised in a world that was cruel and unforgiving, AND it means that because of that you don't have to be. dead boy detectives teaches us that we're all horribly lonely, and maybe that makes each other a little less lonely

i'll take some of your burden if you'll take some of mine, and whatnot

[drdemonprince]

I remember a while back you did a fun ask game where people sent in kinks and you rated how good an investment they are and it keeps popping into my mind because of how chill you were about kinks that even kinky people tend to view really negatively in the sense of ethics. I was wondering if you had any advice on how to *feel* chill in terms of my own kink ethics. I intellectually believe that fantasies can’t be immoral and that kink with other adults is moral as long as there is consent (and appropriate risk awareness).

But I am still pretty triggered on the topic when it comes up. Eg, earlier a friend told me they are cutting someone they love off for being friends with someone who “sexualizes trauma”. And yeah, that is definitely where some of my darker kinks come from—though not all. They’re entitled to that opinion and action of course! But hearing all the things they said against this person triggered me, making me feel like I’m dangerous and that it is wrong of me to interact with them going forward even though this isn’t a topic I would discuss with them anyway. Until writing this I hadn’t even considered if they are still a person I *want* to interact with given this. Though I’m sort of unclear on whether it is actually wrong of me to interact with them still.

I am working with my therapist on this. And I know it will take some time to work through. I was just wondering if you had any words of wisdom on the topic.

My thoughts are that if I had a friend who cut people off for having problematic (or in this case, just like, unsettling?) kinks, I would not feel safe around that friend. It would seem to me that they were judgemental, moralizing, and had a completely different viewpoint on how the world operated than I did, and that sooner or later they would demonize me for things I thought, fantasized about, felt, and so on. I might have sympathy if the person was a trauma survivor early in their recovery, as it's quite common for people to think in very dogmatic, black-and-white ways about morality in order to protect themselves and to be highly reactive to perceived threat. But their feelings of safety are their own business to guard over, and mine are mine, and I just wouldn't be able to get along very intimately with someone like that. I'd have to give them a wide berth until they started to get over it, if they got over it.

Recently, a friend of mine was completely ostracized from their local queer community simply for writing a piece that touched on a taboo fantasy -- a taboo fantasy they had concocted as a way to cope with some really gnarly early childhood abuse. They lost performance gigs and friends, had hate campaigns erected against them, had mobs of people threatening all their remaining friends and colleages, all based on a rumor about a piece that they never even got to perform anywhere because someone had heard it was about a taboo subject and even the IDEA of what it might be made them uncomfortable, and so they assumed my friend was condoning abuse when they were literally just describing what had already happened to them and how they found healing from it. Shit like this sucks, and it comes down most heavily against queer people, especially trans femmes, and I've seen the fear mongering ruin enough lives that I try to steer really clear of it.

My life has been so blessed by inclusion of people with really intense, taboo, stigmatized kinks into my life. I was afraid to even breathe a word of my hypnosis fetish to anybody until I was in my late 20s, because I thought it was so freakish and evil. and now I routinely talk with people about really animalistic feral fantasies, harkness rule violating monsterfucking, rape play, necro fantasies, abdl, age regression, incest roleplaying, blood, eating bodily fluids, and everything else that freaks people out but harms no living being. Even when it's not my stuff, even when it's something I might personally find a little squicky to actually be in the room with, it makes me feel seen, safe, and free to express the depths within me. I think surrounding yourself with more people like that or just consuming their stories can help a lot. And trying to find some mental distance from the people who do fear monger and get triggered. They have their reasons for feeling as they do. But that doesn't mean we have to align with their values or actions.

[smartie-chan]

Long rambling incoming in 3,2,1...

I know that I'm not really any kind of big celebrity in the Stobotnik world. The only thing I've got going for myself is the fact that I've been there since the very beginning, with my one 'I'm so proud of this community' Meme getting a like or two every full moon or so. It's also been a hot second since I've written a Stobotnik Fic, and yet, I've never really left the fandom. Far from it.

So boooooy, when that trailer dropped, let's just say, I've been going wild! That being said, I have calmed down a tiny bit and woud like to share my two cents with you all.

Especially since, considering how gay the trailer was, I've noticed people kind of leaning into either of two camps.

Team 1: They might actually make it canon y'all. This is not a drill!!!!

or

Team 2: This is the most intense queerbaiting I've ever seen, but fuck it, take my money!

Now, I will tell you where I'm standing at the end of things, but let's talk facts before I do, shall we?

I know Jim & Lee were having fun on set during Movie 1, but I doubt either of them expected us all to get quite this feral over these two evil man. In fact, I'm not sure what their plans were for Agent Stone in general. I'd love to believe that they saw us freaking the fuck out and decided to make Stone a big part of the sequels because of that. But then I look at the Robotnik Mushroom Planet scene and think: They gave this man an actual stone to hold onto, going so far as to carve Stone's face into said stone, just so he could pretend he wasn't alone and Stone was still with him. Clearly, Robotinik was never willing to admit that he cared, admit that there could be someone who he had allowed to get close, given that there had never been anyone before who had cared enough about HIM, so why should HE make the mistake of caring about someone else either. Cause, you know, it's easier to pretend there's noone than admit that there could be, just to realise that you were wrong actually. And yet. Despite all that he held onto Stone the stone, like his life depended on it. I love that scene because it's hella gay, but I love it even more because it's amazing writing, giving us the payoff for the forshadwed "I won't miss you when you're gone" scene from way back when. They didn't have to do that. And yet they made that choice. Included that moment for a reason. So I'd love to think that even back then, they were very willing to play with the dynamic of them going forward.

Clearly things and plans changed After Movie 1 , after we saw these two and made Stobotnik as big as it is. I'll talk about movie 2 in a hot second, but let's return to the way they promoted 2 first. Cause THAT was CLEARLY queerbaiting ... or was it... ? For you see, they knew what they were doing, they knew how to get us all excited , posting this on Valentine, letting Sonic make a heart, drawing the whole thing in a romantic light, going so far as to include bi-lighting in the trailer. On top of the latte art that was designed to get us queers to show up. I saw that art, freaked out and showed it to all of my friends. One friend, let's call her Barbara, smiled at me, like you smile at somone who still believes in the Easter Bunny and told me she hoped I knew they were playing with me. In fact, she was kind of dissapointed I allowed them to get to me so much. And I KNEW. I knew they were trying to bait me. I'm not stupid. This isn't the first time I've been queerbaited after all. And it won't be the last time, that's for sure. And yet, I didn't care because I loved that they acknowledged us. Loved that they were willing to give us something, even if it wasn't actually real and they were clearly NEVER going to include actual ship latte art of Stone & Robotnik together. Cause that would be gay. Haha. And those two totally weren't gay. Ain't I right? :)) Queer rep has gotten more common and yet, so has queerbaiting. Cause nowadays the chance that something could be actually made canon is way more likely than it was, let's say, 15 years ago. So companies love to use that, love playing into that even more. Like, do I have to remind you all what they were doing for the Deadpool & Wolverine movie marketing ??? Just saying.

As much as I love Lee and as much as we're loosing our marbels every time he as much as winks in our direction, I'll not be using any of his posts as evidence for the points I'm about to make further down. Cause, you know, at the end of the day, he's just one of us as well. Another shipper. A hella supportive shipper who may or may not have had a hand in the way he portrayed Stone, but still. Love you Lee. Thank you for having our back!

So now. Movie 2. And the godforsaken Maid Dress Scene. I hope we are all proud of ourselves. Cause that scene was our doing. I promise you, promise you!!! they didn't have that planned before the fandom happend. They saw us and were like "You can have this. As a treat :3". Personally I didn't freak out as much as the rest of you all, but I'm glad you guys had fun. It was a gift to us after all, so I guess it's fine if we enjoyed it. Jokes aside though, let's get back to what movie 2 did, even though they may or may not have realised it at the time. As in: They made Stobotnik canon. What do you mean by canon, Smartie?????, you might ask. And I'll answer, cause it's simple: I mean canon, as in canon. Yes, that's right. Stobotnik has been canon for a while... or... at least 50% of it. Let's get back to the Latte, shall we? Back then I thought they were making fun of us. Queerbaiting at it's finest. And then the movie happend and Stone confessed his love right then and there for the world to see, basically drawing fanart into Robotnik's caffe for who knows how long and Robotnik? That stupid -3000 IQ genius knew. He fucking knew!! Has always known and was either unwilling to read between the lines or mistook the affection for simple loyalty. Not-Spoiler: It's the later by the way, because we have that deleted scene. That beautiful deleted scene. But let's get back to the art for a second. Because I was basically dying in my seat. And I didn't think people were talking about it enough, cause it was the proof, not that stupid maid outfit that was simply put in as a joke that audiences were supposed to laugh at. But this. This! The whole scene were Stone was lovesick and heartbroken, drawing art of his lost non-lover, the way the life returned to his eyes the second said man returned, on top of literally all of him for the rest of the movie prooved one thing to me: Agent Stone was in love with Dr. Robotnik. It's clear he's never said so out loud, and for a good reason, but he didn't have to. It was so obvious anyone with an IQ lower than 299 could have seen. Just a shame that that one 300 IQ guy couldn't. So now, deleted scene time. Woopwoop. :P Recall how they had planned to make Stone even more in love and heart-eyed - JESUS CHRIST MY GUY - but went for an alternative scene instead? In case you aren't familiar with the scene, it's basically Stone telling Robotnik how he's followed his guide-lines, making the Stone Comic Canon, how he's made sure noone touched his babies, how he's known he'd return, how he's waited for him all this time cause he knew KNEW he'd come back and for a second there Robotnik doesn't know what to say. He looks that man in the eyes and for a split second he wonders, questions, and then... then he's scared. Scared of what that could mean. Scared that he could actually mean something to someone and he panics and decides to use violence to laugh it off, to refelect, to pretend that in that moment, he didn't actually feel something. That Stone didn't make him feel ... vulnerable. Because at that point, he cares too. He's not ready to admit it, at least not without having to joke about it. But he does. He does!! And the thought of it being mutual scares him. Probably more than anything ever has. Because if he allows this, this feeling to settle and bloom, he's got to admit that this, whatever it is, has the power to destroy and hurt him. And he can't do that. Maybe not again. Maybe not ever. Not now. Not now that he's what... 40? and has found peace with the fact that he'll die alone.

I know they were leaning into Stobotnik a lot, but they also... kind of didn't, following the natural consequences of the stuff they had set up in the prior movie, allowing Robotnik to go through an actual character arc. It's subtle, and he's still and asshole - always wil be - but that doesn't change the fact that his arc still exists and is actually very well done. Stone doesn't really have that obvious of an arc. Because it's not really much of an arc, we're just learning more about him, fleshing out his character. The only thing we know for certain is, that he adores and loves Robotnik and that he's willing to betray everyone and everything for him. Even if Robotnik never loves him back. He's accepted that, as long as he's alowed a place at his side.

And now, my fellow shippers, movie 3. Or rather, pre-movie 3. And the much discussed question: Are we getting queerbaited? Well, that depends how you define queerbaiting, doesn't it? Is it queerbaiting if it's unrequited love? Cause that's our current standpoint. Stone has found his doctor, nursed him back to health, lived with him, been by his side for months (years) and the only thing that is standing in their way now is: Robotnik's feelings. They have great build-up, put this man on a path, shown us how he's grown and now all that's left is to see, how they'll decide to finish his story. If I look at all that's happend up to this point, from a writing/writer stand-point, I'd say, that it would make sense for Robotnik to admit, that he cares. Cause that has been his arc, his journey. To admit that yes: He doesn't care about humanity, but he does care about Stone. Has for a very long while in fact. Be that platonic, or romantic. Doing literally anything else would not make sense at that point and would actually be an insult to their own work. And their writing has been pretty solid, so I'm confident we will get something. Especially since... I HAVE seen the leaks. Now, storyboards are just that. Something from early development, something that could change. Which is why I'd normally ignore them.... iiiiiiiif it weren't for that one line from the trailer. That one. fucking. line. That made me realise: Holy shit, those mad lads are doing it. They are finishing Robotnik's arc. That's when I understood why Team 1 was loosing their marbels. Because,

SPOILER!!!!! he is going to admi it. He is going to admit it to himself, and he's gonna do something so wild and crazy it scares me more than you understand. The only question is. Will he surive to tell the tale? And if he does, will he be brave enough to share that admission with Stone?

END OF SPOILER

I don't have links to the storyboard. In retrospect, I should have saved them. But what's done is done. Not that I cod delete the knowledge of what I've seen even if I tried. People seem hesitant to tell people all they have seen, cause those of us who have, and know the Sonic 2 story seem to have a good understanding of what and when that spoiler is taking place. And especially what outcome it seems to be leading into. But, if anyone asks, I am willing to share what it was I saw. If you really wanna know. If you are truly sure.

That being said. How do I feel about Stobotnik? I don't think we're getting a kiss. But I think (and hope) we're gonna get a moment. A moment of Robotnik being open, of him sharing that Stone means somethig to him. They even have the potential to include a joke here, of Stone perhaps attempting to hug Robotnik, for him to allow it for 3 seconds or so, only for him to punch Stone and say something along the lines of: "Okay, that's enough." You know, something close to the High Five moment, just THIS TIME they actually do the high five (or hug). You can have the feels and the joke. It's still Robotnik after all. It's what I'm hoping for, actually, cause I don't think Robotnik is ready for THAT admission quite yet. A hug though? That I could see.

I know we still have to fight against being exploited and played with, but that being said, I don't think love confessions have to always be that huge thing, that clashing of tongues and body parts. They can also be soft and quite. A moment of vulnerability and trust. Of openness. In fact, if Robotnik were to allow Stone a hug, it would be even more impactful than a kiss could ever be. He's hugging Gerald in the trailer, so they have shown me that they are not afraid to make this man hug.

It gives me hope. And it - and the leaks - are the reason why I'm Team 1. I think we could actually get canon Stobotnik you all. And I'm so hyped you don't understand. Let's see what Stobotnik marketing they are going to feed us over the next few months. I, for one, am looking forward to it. ^-^

Live long and prosper 🥚🖤🪨

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨 so I can find later

aita for attending to pride despite not being queer. at all

( opened a tumblr acc just for this bc I don’t trust reddit bros on this one, so do tell me if I did smth? wrong somehow)

I(19m) as u can understand from the title, not queer in any way(gender, sexuality etc). But I regularly get harassed with trans/homophobia and the cause is…Me looking feminine

This sounds stupid but it’s true, despite having my hair short & dressing pretty masc I am often confused as a girl, everytime I meet someone I get the classic “are u a boy or a girl” question. Everything but my voice is seen “girl like”. Apparently it’s my facial features or smth (think of that one streamer guy finnsmth except I’m not a femboy outside the scope of this ask + %100 sure I’d pull it better) most ppl seem to assume I’m either a trans man or a lesbian

The place I live is very conservative and ppl genuinely have no manners I cannot explain how many times I got some stranger telling me how I’d never be a “real man” or how I was “throwing away the gift of femininity” ig their hate is not technically directed towards me but I would be lying if i said this didn’t make me more comfortable in my own masculinity (bc there’ll always be ppl who say I’m a woman despite whatever I do so I just might well enjoy my life stupid logic ik) after a point I just got used to it I suppose

The aita part is that in last pride me & two my friends(18nb I’ll call Red/20F I’ll call Blue. they’re both queer) decided that it’d actually be super funny if I attended pride dresses as a woman, this was also partially bc it was Red’s first pride and they were nervous but also because I think it’s hilarious

Anyways so Blue lends me a dress(should also mention I’m pretty short like 5’6-7) and does my makeup. We even buy a wig for it

Of course there was homophobes like there is every year but honestly? It was super fun.

Like my average convo would go with them saying something on how god intended me to like man & I’d be like “oh that’s gay” or how I will never be a real woman after hearing me talk(ironic isn’t it?) and i’d say “cool. Never been one anyways”

this also helped Red & others around get a break cause turns out u spend less time hating when ur trying to convince someone they’re actually trans & gay

I genuinely had fun as most ppl were really cool, many ppl there seemed to find it funny like I did it was genuinely a great experience for me

However there were some people who were…not so cool w it. I got told it was disrespectful and it felt like I was mocking actual queer people/invading their spaces

Blue also asked her mostly queer group on the matter and they seem to be divided

I am also confused on this but one time I DID felt like the asshole was when a lesbian hit on me genuinely thinking I was a woman

so aita?

What are these acronyms?

[kedreeva]

as someone who is ace and entering college years, how has your dating life been as an ace? what other struggles have there been that you have advice for? i dont know any aces or similar around me older or otherwise. thank you for your time and i hope you have an easy day!

Okay this will get a little long so I'll put it behind a cut

Honestly I'm probably not the best person to ask, since I never really...struggled? Not specifically with asexuality or with anything related to it. I can tell you my experiences, though, and you can decide if there's anything worthwhile to take away from it!

I grew up in a house run by science and math. I knew the prefix a- meant without/not and I knew there was heterosexual and bisexual and homosexual, so when young and, importantly, before really ever interacting with other queer folk, I went Ah ha, these are (prefix)(sexual) and so therefore I am asexual (without sexuality), and that was that. That was literally all the thought I gave to it. People had crushes on other people, I didn't have crushes on people, end of story. If, for some reason, I developed a crush on someone, I would deal with it then.

Maybeeeee midway through HS, a very good friend of mine asked me about it, and I said well, some people like everyone the same, and I dislike everyone the same. And she said well, then it sounds like you like everyone the same, that amount is just zero, so that seems like bisexual? (she didn't know the term asexual was an actual sexuality term either at that point, just the biological term for reproduction and, well, I could reproduce theoretically so couldn't be that) And I said well, alright then, and called myself bisexual for the next 6 or 7 years. THEN I found out asexuality is a sexuality not just a mode of reproduction and I said Ah Ha, I was Correct, and that was that again.

So I guess if I was offering advice it would be... you know you. Don't let someone else tell you about you if you think they're wrong. Make up a word if there isn't one. Use a new word if you find one that already exists and fits.

Also, that it's fine to not worry about it. Literally it's fine to just never think about it if you have better things to do. I think a lot of people get really wrapped up in finding the right label and/or "what happens if-" when like... you're not a canned good. You don't need a label. Worry about what-ifs when they come up, don't borrow anxiety if you can help it.

I dated a few people in HS, like... three people I think, and one Almost. One predatory mistake I thankfully recognized (HEY because I had older folks online I could talk to about it!) and got out of quickly, and one hot mess relationship that was a LOT of fun- my boyfriend, Sark, and then his ex-girlfriend, and then I stepped out so they could get back together, and then they said wait no, and invited me back in, and that went on for most of the end of HS, and nearly into college, when I stepped out again (and peacefully, I am still friends with both of them and I married Sark in the end). There was one guy whom I was always, perpetually, extremely fond of, and we hung out a lot, kissed once, and I think we would have had a lot of fun dating, but ultimately it was a near miss that became a fond memory, because we were never in the right place together. Sometimes life does that, and that's okay, too.

In college, I simply didn't date anyone. I had better things to do. I met my best friend, @idkfandomwhatever, online that year (and still talk to her almost daily, sometimes for hours, despite that we are on opposite sides of the world!!), and in person @mishapeep who was the best roomie I ever had (hi!!!!! i love you!!!). I had great friends, I went on a TON of adventures, worked a cool job where I had awesome coworkers, and just all around had a blast learning stuff and napping in sunbeams or on couches at the food court. A couple of guys made passes, and I turned them down because I just wasn't into it, and we remained friends. There was one coworker at my dispatch job that I got along with like a house on fire, and everyone ELSE thought we should be dating, but neither of us ever brought it up- I can't say why he didn't for sure, but I know I never brought it up because I was 85% sure he didn't swing for the right team to date me, which I ALSO never brought up until he found me on facebook years later to tell me about his husband running for local election somewhere. so. again, don't let anyone else tell you what to do lol there was ALSO another guy that I had NO interest in that spent a lot of time around me, but we mostly sat in my bunk watching Queer as Folk, which I KNOW was his first exposure to queer material. I never talked about queer stuff with him otherwise, but I heard from a mutual friend of ours that he's also happily married to his husband. Sometimes just being yourself, openly and without shame about it, does more than you think, even if it's not doing anything directly for you (but it is, it's good for you too).

SINCE college ended, I dated one guy I met through an online game and that was great in person briefly, but ultimately didn't work out because he couldn't be a nice person, another guy I met through the same online game and that didn't work out at ALL in person, and then I started hanging out with Sark and co again. I was on the phone with him driving somewhere, and I said something to the effect of someday you're gonna find a gf and she's not gonna want you to keep going on adventures with your ex, and we won't be able to talk anymore and I had a real recordscratch moment where I realized absolutely NOT on MY watch, I wanted that boy in my life forever actually, and we've been married now for... this is year 8.

I may have landed in a soft place, but I didn't seek it out. I just lived my life and didn't worry about my sexuality or about who I was or wasn't gonna date. When I DID date, I was up front about what I wanted from any of those relationships and part of the problem with the relationships that didn't work out was sometimes that I did not KNOW what I wanted, yet. But, it was IMPORTANT I think, that I gave the chances I did, because I did learn about myself and what I wanted. That's probably the hardest fucking thing to learn, that relationships sometimes happen not because they're likely to be permanent, but because it may be fun or be a way to learn what you do or don't want. Maybe alongside of that, the lesson that it's okay to go "hm, actually this is Not For Me" and exit peacefully whenever possible. But it's okay to give temporary things a shot and see how it goes, even knowing up front it may be temporary (honestly maybe that even takes some of the stress of it off? if you don't have to worry about it being forever, and you don't have to worry about "what if I never experience other things," and you don't worry so much about messing it up so it feels easier to take chances saying and doing stuff you might otherwise consider too risky to ask for etc).

I'm aware I'm lucky that things went pretty smoothly for my entire life so far, insofar as dating or sexuality is concerned. Part of that was definitely because even the worst of the people I dated weren't really all that bad of people. A lot of it was that I just didn't date if I didn't want to. I didn't care about sex, so I didn't have sex for the first time until a few years after college, and only one guy ever pushed the issue at all (the guy in HS I immediately dropped all contact with).

The thing is... I dated or nearly dated like ten people, flirted with countless others (because it's FUN), and the only one I still have regular contact with (not just occasional friendly hellos) is the one I kept at the end.

But the friends I made in college? I kept a lot of those. I still talk to several of my college friends on a regular basis. I have made other friends since, some of whom I talk to every day, some of whom have become irregular contacts I am still fond of. But those bonds are important and the ones you make with your friends from here out do have the potential to span at least huge chunks of your life, if not the entirety of it. If you only take away one thing from this little novel...take that knowledge.

also this has nothing to do with asexuality but for pete's sake find SOME kind of hobby club to be a part of, or make one if there isn't one, follow your stupidest instincts for adventure on occasion (like playing freeze tag frisbee in a lightning storm on the PAC lawn at 11pm until the campus cops show up to make you go home), and take at least one "fuck it this sounds fun" class. Mine was archery at 7am, the only early-morning class I ever took. Worth it, we were all TERRIBLE but god it was awesome.

Good luck out there!

[problemnyatic]

You're right - tumblr, tiktok, Twitter and social media in general is rife with this kind of thinking, even if you've apologized or you were a dumb kid who said something dumb because you didn't know any better. No wonder why a lot of people struggle with this kind of OCD or are afraid to own up to mistakes. If people don't want to forgive others, fine, but there's a difference between being angry and that being the last straw and treating them as being so Impure, you can never be Forgiven and Accepted.

Yeah. Callout culture framing mass harrassment as a form of justice really did a number on everything. Because all it takes is one vindictive little snot with an axe to grind stalking the entire history of your online presence up to and including just fucking doctoring screenshots to paint you as some kind of secret Evil Sadist Bigot Who Tortures Kids In Their Basement And Kicks Puppies For Fun and then you have hoardes of people who are way too eager to be outraged over something they can actually reach trying to quite literally and thoroughly ruin your life.

It creates a very real sense that there really is no room to fuck up, but the thing about it is that it doesn't actually reflect on your character, despite the damage it can do to your reputation. You're not a bad person because some dipstick who gets their jollies by sending mobs after queer people online or whatever decided every mistake you've ever made is suddenly still relevant and also a Federal Fucking Issue, you're just some unlucky schmuck that caught the gaze of someone with some serious fucking issues they need to sort out.

But in a world so full of evils that feel indominable and so much larger than ourselves, a lot of people are desperate for a target they feel like they can actually reach. So people go digging through the online histories of, lets face it, usually trans women and/or people of color and dredge up whatever they can construe as a Moral Crime to put up on display.

And with this behavior having a solid like decade and a half to really stew on the internet even vaguely resembling the modern one, the mentalities behind it, both the lies people started buying and the real core of the reasons behind them, have percolated into the way a lot of people understand morality and just, being a person. I've met people who just, cancel their friends one by one over time when they hit some threshold of invisible, untallied "bad person points" (not a thing they've said, just how I'm framing it). Been spending years rehabilitating someone who's closest friend was like that, too.

It's a fuckin mess, man. World needs to re-learn how to let mistakes just be mistakes and cultivate growth instead of seeking bloodshed and revenge.

[phanfictioncatalogue]

Fics Written In 2024 (so far) Masterlist

Buffy Movie Nights are Life Changing (ao3) - angelicsam

Summary: Things get steamy between Dan and Phil during their nighttime Buffy streaming session in 2010; featuring a confident yet bashful Phil and a shy Dan who learns how to drive Phil crazy.

Burning Bibles (ao3) - cherryheartz

Summary: phil lester loved curly headed boys with tattoos on their arms and a joint made with torn bible pages between their soft lips.

and dan howell was exactly that.

Comfort in Chaos (ao3) - Anonymous

Summary: Phil wakes to Dan having a nightmare that he struggles to rouse him from. It later transpires that there is a reason behind his unsettled and panicked behaviour.

everything has changed (ao3) - gamingbeats

Summary: Dan and Phil go on holiday to NYC and everything changes when Dan books only the couple's options.

False God (ao3) - ForeverJustAnEmoKidAtHeart

Summary: After a stupid fight, Dan has been in the office editing the Easter Baking video for the entire afternoon. He specifically told Phil not to disturb him but was amazed (and worried) that Phil didn't.

home renovations (ao3) - possumdnp

Summary: Phil is a new homeowner with a knack for getting himself into awkward situations around cute guys. Dan is a builder who's always working on renovations around Phil's house. What could go wrong?

(An alternate meeting YouTuber Phil/builder Dan AU.)

just a little bit closer (ao3) - possumdnp

Summary: Dan and Phil have a deep conversation, leading to them trying something new together.

(Set during the week Dan spent up north at Phil's house in December 2009.)

Like a Bowl of Oranges (ao3) - cloej88

Summary: Dan has built a solid career for himself as a ghostwriter. He safely hides behind other people’s words, crafting their tales and pocketing the cash without any threat of notoriety. But lately he has been working on a book of his own, itching for a change.

Phil is an indie filmmaker who happened into some huge breaks over the last few years. He wants to use his influence to uplift queer stories for the screen, so he puts out an open call for story submissions. At his agent’s behest, Dan submits his story.

The writer!Dan and director!Phil friends/co-workers to lovers AU that we never knew we needed.

Like a cicada rhythm. (ao3) - emmibug

Summary: every night they share the same bed, legs twisted together, arms holding each other close. dan and phil haven’t grown up from their childlike sense of friendship which leads people to believe there’s something deeper going on.

a dan and phil childhood best friends to lovers AU where they share the same bed and always have done.

Phlonde (ao3) - yikesola

Summary: Phil has to admit though, stood here in the familiar shop aisles of cheap box dyes, the blonde box is calling to him. A fic about change and control.

phlondes do it better (ao3) - wearealldoomed

Summary: The day has come around quicker than Phil had anticipated.

The day where Phil dips his toes back into the waters of dyeing his hair after months of letting his natural hair colour grow back through.

The day where Phil goes platinum blonde without confronting Dan about it first.

sativa (i said im ready) (ao3) - catbearbunz (bunnieovadamoon)

Summary: it’s 2009, and phil really wishes dan would call. he does, but he comes greener than expected.

aka they get drunk and high and have esex.

Slut Era (ao3) - Bandom_Squirrel

Summary: Dan worries that he’s bad at being slutty. Phil is Phil.

snowballs (ao3) - calvinahobbes

Summary: your mum is trying to get me drunk

so american (ao3) - ae121

Summary: Phil has been living in London for a year and thinks he's gotten pretty used to the city. He works part-time at a bookstore, using it at first to gain some friends, now it's just fun for him. His friends are constantly trying to find him someone to date, but all of his dates don't go well. Well, that's until he met Dan.

so I will share this room with you (ao3) - jonsaremembers

Summary: Phil hadn't meant to end up here.

an exploration of the aftermath of meeting your soulmate when you're still so impossibly young; title from "And So It Goes" by Billy Joel

The Stress, The Glory and The Afterglow (ao3) - easybubby

Summary: It's 2024. Dan and Phil are overworked and slipping into old habits. The only difference between now and 10 years ago is that their relationship now comes first and they will do anything to protect it, even if they have to spend time apart. They treasure one wild night before they vow to keep their distance for a while.

Thou shalt be punished. (ao3) - firephan311

Summary: The sequence of events following the live stream on dan's birthday. Dan's wrist injury seen in the sims video after the live stream inspired me to write this. sister danielx father philip. very smutty. very detailed. Bit of fluff at the end.

To be loved (ao3) - Thedemonqueen

Summary: Dan knows Phil insisted they’re together. Dan knows Phil loves him. But it doesn’t stop Dan from feeling dirty when he wants to touch Phil.

Vampire Moon (ao3) - natigail

Summary: Phil knew it was foolish to stay out late on the night of a full moon. It was even more foolish to agree to take a walk with Dan who was never up do any good. But Phil couldn't admit to himself that he had a blind spot concerning the vampire, and now he was going to pay for that.

*Phil said: “Oh! Is this a self-insert fic? I was called hamster boy at school. I wanted to be Oz. Bite me, granddaddy.” And I said: Bet.*

you and me (that's all we need it to be) (ao3) - bunnyslipper

Summary: 🧡

[girlvinland]

OC-tober Day 14 is Inspiration!

I’m going to drop some templates I used here for Covrin and Mercurio quite some time ago, but also elaborate more on them and other characters under a read more.

I’m going to be honest, I can’t find where this template originated from/who made it, so if you know, please let me know so I can give credit!

Anyway, more information under the cut! All of these are specifically for my Dark Souls OCs since that's been my main focus for quite a while now lol

Covrin - He was actually created for a short multi-person server RP and was developed more in a years-long RP. At the time, I didn't have any DS OCs, but when I thought about what kind of character I wanted to make, my first thought was a Morne knight because I loved Eygon's armor and think the characters from Carim are interesting. But rather than have him be like...the typical Carim asshole, I thought it would be nice to have a character from there who was kind and somewhat naive. Unfortunately things didn't stay that way after the accidental death of his maiden, as he ends up becoming pretty traumatized from the experience. But Cov is still Cov, it just takes him a while to return to himself.

Avalea - Covrin's maiden, she was always supposed to be a "caged bird" type of character, someone whose life essentially belonged to others, never having a say in what happened to her. She does gain awareness of this, and once she and Cov leave Carim, she rebels a little bit, trading her maiden's robes for clothing she prefers, running around and getting dirty, and eventually developing feelings for her knight. Her canon story ends in death, definitely a tragedy rather than a feel-good story.

Mercurio - Started as an NPC merchant-type character in a long-term RP, but was developed into a full character later on. I wanted a character who relied more on magic and charisma than brute strength, plus the merchant archetype is fun, thus Mercurio was born. They were inspired by a mix of characters I really love in other media + a friend's HCs around Oolacile. They have also been a way to explore ideas around gender exploration and experimentation. Merc is my favorite DS OC that I have.

Percival - Another Morne knight because I couldn't help myself lol. He was actually inspired by one of my best friends growing up in multiple ways (specifically some aspects of physical appearance and personality). Outside of that, I thought a lot about how Carim seems to be a very heteronormative place, so I wondered how LGBTQ+ people might be treated there and what their experiences would be, esp in the case of a gay knight who has a lifetime responsibility to a maiden.

Samson - In keeping with the Carim theme, I thought having a pardoner would be fun and that such a character could be an interesting potential love interest for Perci. Would they need to keep things secret? How would they go about it? I actually got really inspired by a lot of queer history and symbolism when making Sam, especially wrt flower language and Polari. Another thing that has inspired me a lot with him is the more religious/political stuff in Carim regarding Velka, the Way of White, Caitha, etc. I thought it would be cool to investigate the idea of a character who exists in a role that essentially becomes obsolete over time.

Cassandra - Percival's maiden, and someone I wanted to sort of be Avalea's opposite. She's abrasive and selfish, and doesn't really fit into the stereotype of a docile maiden. Honestly, I kind of spread traits about myself through my OCs, and she wasn't an exception. She's one of the characters that's been harder for me to develop sometimes because I see my own negative traits in her. However, she's reflective, and she changes over time. She's an archivist, and that part was actually inspired by some of my own work experience lol

Dominic - Since Perci and Sam had a less than ideal experience being queer in Carim, I wanted a character who embodied more of the joy of it. I thought Astora would be a good place for that, and honestly a lot of his traits came from the way I tend to think about Astora in general- sunny and optimistic. I feel like Dom had a pretty good week to himself, so stopping here for him!

[starbuckaroo]

I think I would be happier w bucktommy all these episodes down the line if Tommy still interacted with or asked after Eddie. I know there’s a lot the show doesn’t put onscreen so there’s no reason why it couldn’t have plausibly happened or couldn’t still happen (and I hope it does), but Tommy was Eddie’s friend first! They hung out a lot!

And yet, since he got together with Buck, we haven’t gotten to see them interact.

Granted, there hasn’t been a lot of screen time for Tommy and that’s fine, it’s a short season w very little room to breathe. This isn’t some sort of angry anti bucktommy tirade. But it does make me just a tad uncomfortable the way things are at this moment. Bc it’s not a stretch to theorize that maybe Tommy was hoping things Eddie might go somewhere and when they didn’t, he tried with Buck. I don’t think that’s supported by the text, but it’s also not negated, either. Idk. It’s not a huge deal at the moment, just a little snag?

Listen I am a buck fan but I am an eddie fan!!!!!!! And I am so so sad for eddie this season it’s been rly fucking rough on him! Not like buck needs to change anything (except not be a jealous freak and lash out physically if he can’t use his words), like I said I’m here for bucktommy I think they’re great. But like. Where’s the awkward “hey how do we hang out now that you two make out sometimes” or whatever?? We deserve to see that tbh! It’s a more common issue in queer circles, that ppl have to slip in and out of romantic/platonic interactions when people partner up or break up. It’s also the first time either of them have dated anyone within the LAFD and so it’s the first time this could ever have even come up!

Idk man. Just I keep thinking about how happy eddie seemed when he was hanging out w Tommy and maybe it’s just bc that ep was meant to be from Buck’s pov but i don’t know what’s worse, thinking it WAS real and now he doesn’t get to have that friendship anymore or that it WASNT real and he was never actually having that good of a time.

MY REAL POINT is that anyone who WAS or IS a buddie shipper or anyone who likes Eddie at all has to acknowledge how important buck and eddie are to each other, right? Which means that in any relationship that either of them ever have, if they want it to be serious and have long term potential, they actually need to integrate their partner with their best friend.

Maybe this is too weird for some ppl? It’s always seemed like a given, like if there’s someone new and important in my life, I def want my best friend to meet them and like them bc I want us all to be able to spend time together! I don’t want to feel split between them all the time! And esp with Tommy already having connections with most of the 118/main cast, and particularly Eddie, it would make sense for us to see them interacting!

Idk. I’m probably wanting too much from my network tv show lol I just. I will literally never take bucktommy seriously as a pairing if they don’t manage to address the Eddie of it all. And not in a “address the fact that buck loves him” contrived jealousy nonsense. I mean address the fact that their lives are bound together! And it predates anyone that either of them will ever date! Plus imagine the character growth it would take for Buck to send Tommy to Thursday basketball with like a plate of cookies and orange slices or something but not show up himself. Be like “have fun with the boys, slap Eddie’s ass for me” or whatever 😂 I would believe Buck was finally on his way to being ready for a long term adult relationship if they managed that, is all I’m saying

[adhdandcomics]

adding to my tags because i’ve been thinkin a lot about the post i just reblogged and have more thoughts:

i’ll be real, the more i saw ‘hey adhd influencers are so annoying’ the more i worried that i was unconsciously contributing to the spreading reputation of adhd folks as annoying and over-pathologizing every symptom they experience

and then i realized. i am not a goddam influencer or life coach or representative. obviously i have some obligation as someone who cares about myself and the people that like my comics to not spread harmful ideology or blatant misinformation but i never intended myself to be a “’increase your productivity!!’ blog OR a ‘if you have XYZ you have adhd!’ blog. and i do this for fun, and originally started this blog bc i had a lot of internalized shame and self loathing about my adhd and thought if i could make it funny i might have less of that. let’s get real! and it worked!

i’ve obviously done this kind of thing— (hey these symptoms might be adhd!) a lot before in my life & on this blog, but there’s more to it than trying to be an “influencer” or whatever. a term that didn’t even exist when i started this blog!

i felt very isolated trying to find out if i had any mental problems & what have you originally because of large advice (etc) blogs with staunchly anti self Dx views at the time

so i overcorrected when i DID get dxed and tried to validate everyone who was like me. and of course. not the best course of action always for the ol mental health. tried to be the source of positivity and jokes that i didn’t see because the online adhd presence was near non-existent.

and anyway. i make a lot of fun of myself & the way m brain works in my comics obviously but it is not my obligation to... how do you say.... not be annoying online.

because if folks interpret MY little jokes as a strict guide to diagnosis. that’s on them, really, not me. i also believe “making adhd your entire personality” is a non-issue. so what if people find out they have it and get over excited with identifying as adhd. saying this as someone who DID do it. criticism of this gives the same vibes as people being annoyed that young queers make “being queer” their whole personality. im very obviously more than a guy with adhd, and id reckon other adhd comic artists are too. (im friends with a lot of them!) it’s fine to post about it online.

anyway. i just don’t take myself too seriously and i’m a comic artist for myself first! and you know what, i’ve been considered annoying my entire life. what do i care if a few more folks think i’m annoying. neurotypical or not

[bigsoftwolf]

Honestly I know this isn't the kind of ask you'd expect around here & fair enough but dude you actually have such nice comfy friend vibes. Ur blog helped me feel like being transmasc is attractive & I shouldn't be ashamed of it (I'm not a binary trans man, but I do want to medically transition.) It sucked when everything I saw was very cis man centric and made me feel like I'm unwanted for what I look like or would look like (especially being pre everything. Stuck in an unsafe environment currently)

That's all to say while I'm not necessarily interested in the nsft side of Tumblr etc, I really enjoyed your blog for the messages it sent and you seem like a kind person. You have this brotherly vibe about you, honestly. You may not have been expecting a completely platonic ask but hey, keep doing you man. Have a good time today

Dude this is so sweet :,)

Gonna be a long read here because this is such a nice ask and I have a lot to say.

Honestly part of the reason for the shift in some of my posts is this, like so much of nsft tumblr or even transmasc tumblr in general is so cis focused and it’s super frustrating. And I think I lot of transmasc people feel like the only way they can be attractive is if they either pass 100% as a cis male and are super binary, or basically still look like a women and it’s like “I mean yeah I’m a trans boy but don’t even worry about it I still look like a girl so I still have sexual value!” Like those shouldn’t be the only options to feel attractive or desirable. And they aren’t like that’s not true in real life!

As someone who is a trans adult and is in real world queer spaces people are so varied and there are infinite ways to be attractive. For me I’m really into transmasc people who are very feminine but just because it’s fun and they like it. I personally don’t really care if a guy is on T or has had any surgery, if he’s a guy (or transmasc of some kind) then that’s what he is and I see him that way. And also sometimes the people I’m into don’t fit into that! And that’s ok too! I’ve always been more interested in the person than having any kind of distinct “type”

You should never feel unwanted for being trans, and you shouldn’t feel like it’s just a tolerable part of who you are. It should be part of why you’re desirable! Your trans masculinity is sexy and cool! And if wider cis society can’t see that fuck em’ it’s not your job to make them comfortable. Embrace being a little freak in the best way possible. Having the ability to create who you are is admirable and beautiful.

I’m really glad that I can be someone you can look to and feel better about your own future. I hope you can get out of the unsafe situation you’re in <3 feel free to reach out if you ever need any kind of advice.

I probably will still post/repost sexy stuff on here but if you do want to engage with my stuff I’ll probably post more stuff like this now too.

[34saveme34]

PINNED SILLY

Hi, welcome to my silly lil blog. I'm Nicc (22, they/it/he)

This is a 99% SMG4 blog (and 1% of me sometimes saying unrelated stuff)

I draw, ramble a lot and write as well (my AO3 in case you want to read my stuff there, although they're on here as well)

DISCLAIMER: I only have the AO3 and this Tumblr (and a twitter but I never post) (and a secret 4th thing I will not tell you about) if you see my art or writing anywhere else, it was 100% reposted which is NOT cool by me. I don't wanna see my bikini Puzzles on pinterest for example

ALSO DISCLAIMER: I do post suggestive and tag it as such, filter if you still want to follow but don't want to hear my Sillier takes

Some things you might want to know:

Why do you draw the characters in different outfits from canon? - I like to have fun :3 okay but to be real it started over 3 getting dressed up by me and me saying he won't get his OG outfit back until he and 4 become canon and it ended up spreading to others

Will you draw my oc? - No, sorry, I've been used in ways before where it's hard to gather motivation to draw for other people like that, sorry

What do you ship? - marware, 34 and saikony (Saiko/Melony) mainly. I do also like mar34, puzzl3, marbob, megari, Kaizo/Whimpu, smg12. Also invented Karen x Madam Flurrie I can talk about if I'm asked <3

Some queer headcanons? - stuff I'm consistent about is genderfluid Mario and transfem Puzzles, I don't have anything else I super consistently headcanon like that, maybe bi 4 but that's basically canon, there's nothing to head about it

How come you take so long on your fanfics? I want the next thing already! - I just don't work fast :(

*insert something rude* - *blocks you*

Is it cool if I thirst over your drawings - Hell yeah, just not over me

Can I draw your oc/your AU/any design you gave to any of the characters - Hell yeah, tag me if you do, no pressure though

Can I ask something about your OCs? - Hell YEAH and I'll try my best to reply too in a somewhat timely manner

Can I steal ideas from your posts? - HELL YEAH !!! you can tag me too if you want to but I don't require it. I'll know when I see it though :333

Why do you take this silly show seriously? - life's too short to not get unhealthily attached to seemingly silly things. Besides, I'm having fun!

Where else can we reach you? - Tumblr only really. or if you somehow find my Discord account I guess? But I don't know if you really want to friend someone who changes their profile in wild ways haha, with sometimes way too concerning statuses

I want to know something else! - AAASK!!! it's always open, it's always allowed!

Now

...

OC STUFF !!!

[kaelidascope]

Director's commentary on Something About Moths and a Flame, please!

Oh this outta be fun LOL OKAY

So the overall story of how this fic was even born in the first place stemmed from 2 things. I had an idea to write about a shameless self-indulgence about having an overabundance of experience with cismen with hardly any queer experience. And the little queer experiences Blake did have were not good reference points. Using myself as a default source of plot devices (lmao) I self-inserted the desire to get the fuck out of my current state and wanting to move somewhere north to start over. Bing bang boom, you got a basic background and motive for Blake

I honestly should've expected the fic would be more than just 'bisexual character experiences sex with a seasoned sapphic character' and trying to manifest positive things in my life by writing it out in fic format (who doesn't do that, really. If anyone says they don't they're a liar). Everything I make always turns out to be something way more than it's original concept so what I ended up with here was a story drawing on personal elements and wanting for an outcome that probably wont happen, but it's nice seeing it happen to the bees anyway

Blake's feelings about relationships represent a time in my life where my opinion was exactly hers. After a lengthy discussion with Sawrin over dissecting this fic, I've come to the realization that Yang also represents a time frame of opinions as well. Only Yang's core design comes from a time waaaaay in the past that honestly, I had forgotten existed. It's nice to see it manifest despite being buried, and certainly gives me something to think about when I reread it from time to time.

Readers of MM and Moths can draw lines between Blake questioning why things are so easy when she's with Yang. It's the same principle across the board for most bee fics that Blake's past hasn't been kind to her. It's an alien feeling to suddenly have things be so easy, but difficult to accept they're easy at the same time. I tried to picture how the fuck would I react if I were in this perfect dream scenario and how stupid would it be after the realization hits. Blake and Yang have been dating this whole time and just never accepted it for what it was based on what other people have lead them to believe what a relationship had to be.

The talk they have when Yang's AC is out and they're laying in her bed with the windows open is in reference to a talk I once had that didn't have the outcome I wanted. It carries the same essence of dismay - both parties knowing they want each other but because of the boundaries at play, cannot have what they want. But in this version it's not one sided.

Overall, it was nice getting able to write from a quietly honest place without having to worry about literally every other realistic factor ever. This is about as textbook 'I wrote this for me cus I wanted something that applied to me' as it gets. The ending is my dream scenario. I fucking hate living with partners I can't do it anymore JKNFKGNKJGFN but it's not easy finding someone else who'd agree with me. So the bees get my lost dream of permanent independence. I wrote this thing in 3 days and I was morbidly sick while I was doing it, too. So I'm sure it's littered with grammatical errors and what have you. But my best friend has always been completely head over heels about this work, and it astounds me how much he sings its praise. I'm always genuinely surprised when others find something to relate to in this work as well. I never expected it to be anything more than just a glance. It's not even smut heavy. I didn't think people cared about fics like that LOL (silly, I know) but I am glad I put it out there and it got the response it did.

[neondiamond]

🪩 Recently Read Fics - July 2023 🪩

These are all the amazing fics I read over the past month (from shortest to longest). Don’t forget to leave kudos and comments to show the authors your appreciation if you read any of these! 💛

🪩 I’ll Get You Through by @hellolovers13 (1k, G)

Louis will always pick up when Harry calls.

Always.

🪩 a life that’s lived without you by @so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed (1k, T)

In all of his 116 years, Zayn has never quite felt this way about anyone. Liam is so incredibly human, in the worst and best ways. He’s fragile, even when he pretends not to be. He’s soft and kind, clumsy at times. He’s strong and full of life, full of love even when people around him give him cause to be anything but.

He’s sunshine and happiness and Zayn watches because he can’t not be drawn to him, to this boy that personifies those things that he has been missing out on for over a century.

🪩 rain makes the flowers grow by @so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed (1k, G)

Some people are able to hide it. The way they’re feeling.

This boy at Harry’s work is not one of them.

He’s the boy with his head in the clouds.

🪩 Yours and Mine by @allwaswell16 (1k, T)

Louis goes to the library with his favourite people, his boyfriend Harry and his son, Max.

A Bitter Ends Turns Sweet timestamp

🪩 Everything Is Batter With You by @red-pandaaa (2k, T)

Harry comes across a fun baking TikTok and convinces Louis to do it

🪩 In Time by @allwaswell16 (2k, M)

Harry's uncertainty about their relationship began before he ever stepped foot on the plane to Amsterdam.

A prequel/timestamp to the fic Bitter Ends Turn Sweet

🪩 Timeless by @babyhoneyheslt (3k, G)

After visiting an antiques shop, Harry gets transported through time, and discovers that he and Louis are Timeless.

🪩 Take Me To Another World by @babyhoneyheslt (5k, G)

After escaping from the neighbouring kingdom, Harry finds himself on land for the first time. Despite knowing he should go back home, he lets his curiosity get the better of him.

When a mishap with discovering socks happens, he meets Louis who takes him out for coffee, and finds that Louis doesn’t quite meet the stereotype of humans.

🪩 On That Note by @allwaswell16 (6k, E)

Louis’ office job on an omega only floor would be absolutely fine, if not for the alphas he and his friends have to deal with in the building. But although they’ve never met face to face, the friendly notes sent between him and Harry in Purchasing help him get through the day.

🪩 I Want You to Linger by @insightfulinsomniac (7k, E)

A friends-to-lovers fic in which oblivious alpha Louis courts his best friend, nests with the gifts he gets him, and is faced with the reality that sometimes telling someone you love them doesn’t go to plan (but turns out better in the end anyway).

🪩 Blue Moon by @pocketsunshineharry (20k, G)

What happens when Louis moves away from the busy city life to a small village in the middle of nowhere and meets Harry, the sweetest and most understanding Alpha?

Will Harry be able to get Louis' walls down? Will he be able to adjust to the slower pace of life in the village and open up to Harry's love? As they navigate their new relationship, will they be able to overcome the obstacles from Louis’ past?

🪩 Paint a Rainbow Inside My Heart by @cyantific (22k, T)

A story about hiding in plain sight and the journey to revealing your truth, told in six acts.

Or, the five times Harry queer coded with actions, behaviors or clothing and the one time he was too proud to hide anymore.

🪩 ‘cause I want you (for the worse and for the better) by @absoloutenonsense (26k, NR)

When Louis gets invited along to Anne's wedding, Harry is prepared to let people think whatever they want about their relationship. That's what Louis said -- let people think whatever they want. That changes when Louis sees his ex, who turns out to be Anne's future husband's son. Now, Louis wants to prove that he's an omega that an alpha could want, and Harry wants to get through this weekend without letting his best friend figure out he's in love with him.

[bird-inacage]

This is going to sound mean, but I think people are forgetting this isn't a BL.

In a BL, Ray would ultimately choose Sand. He would realize that his obsession with Mew is just that, that he wants Sand for real, and choose him, finally. Just to really hammer it home they'd have him doing something like calling Sand when he needs someone to be there for him again, like he called Mew two years ago. Bring the narrative full circle.

But this isn't a BL it's a queer drama trying to emulate real life. And unfortunately, most of the time in real life what happens is the person in Sand's position gets left. They get ignored. They get treated badly. And then hopefully they wise up and move on.

If Mew can manage to get over Top, I think it's very possible he and Ray will make a real go of it, whether it's good for them or not. Can't tell you how many times I've watched my friends make that mistake.

What I mean to say is I think some of this stuff is shippers understanding finally that this isn't the kind of thing they're used to, and that they can't expect a happy ending for their ship. That it's entirely likely that they won't get a happy ending at all.

I don't think that it was clear to some people until the last episode.

Hello Anon,

You make some interesting points here. At the end of the day, this is a fictional show that we all enjoy critiquing and discussing, so no hard feelings (at least not from my end).

And yes, I think this series has been so successful and resonated with so many due to it's intentional approach to not romanticise or sugar coat the queer relationships we're used to seeing in BL. It can be messy. It can be downright toxic. There is the real possibility our ships or 'couples' may not actually end up together. As you say, this series is perhaps trying to skirt closer to real life, but let's not forget that it's still ultimately a piece of entertainment.

People like to ship because it's part of the enjoyment of consuming a series. Expecting a certain outcome is not the same as hoping for a certain outcome. Shippers may hope for a happy ending but that doesn't necessarily mean they're not aware it may not happen, and it certainly doesn't mean they can't still enjoy the series either. Shipping was never bound to realism. Heck, that's why ghost ships also exist. Does the lack of any possibility those characters will ever couple up stop ghost-shippers from shipping? Nope. Why? It's fun. That's all it is, people enjoy it. That's why we're all here, no?

We're only halfway through, so who knows what the conclusion will be. Will all these 'couples' end up together? Perhaps they will, perhaps they won't.

---birdie