#i am just very tired of people pretending that a lot of reaction to online adhders is not in itself just an extension of the ableism

[adhdandcomics]

adding to my tags because i’ve been thinkin a lot about the post i just reblogged and have more thoughts:

i’ll be real, the more i saw ‘hey adhd influencers are so annoying’ the more i worried that i was unconsciously contributing to the spreading reputation of adhd folks as annoying and over-pathologizing every symptom they experience

and then i realized. i am not a goddam influencer or life coach or representative. obviously i have some obligation as someone who cares about myself and the people that like my comics to not spread harmful ideology or blatant misinformation but i never intended myself to be a “’increase your productivity!!’ blog OR a ‘if you have XYZ you have adhd!’ blog. and i do this for fun, and originally started this blog bc i had a lot of internalized shame and self loathing about my adhd and thought if i could make it funny i might have less of that. let’s get real! and it worked!

i’ve obviously done this kind of thing— (hey these symptoms might be adhd!) a lot before in my life & on this blog, but there’s more to it than trying to be an “influencer” or whatever. a term that didn’t even exist when i started this blog!

i felt very isolated trying to find out if i had any mental problems & what have you originally because of large advice (etc) blogs with staunchly anti self Dx views at the time

so i overcorrected when i DID get dxed and tried to validate everyone who was like me. and of course. not the best course of action always for the ol mental health. tried to be the source of positivity and jokes that i didn’t see because the online adhd presence was near non-existent.

and anyway. i make a lot of fun of myself & the way m brain works in my comics obviously but it is not my obligation to... how do you say.... not be annoying online.

because if folks interpret MY little jokes as a strict guide to diagnosis. that’s on them, really, not me. i also believe “making adhd your entire personality” is a non-issue. so what if people find out they have it and get over excited with identifying as adhd. saying this as someone who DID do it. criticism of this gives the same vibes as people being annoyed that young queers make “being queer” their whole personality. im very obviously more than a guy with adhd, and id reckon other adhd comic artists are too. (im friends with a lot of them!) it’s fine to post about it online.

anyway. i just don’t take myself too seriously and i’m a comic artist for myself first! and you know what, i’ve been considered annoying my entire life. what do i care if a few more folks think i’m annoying. neurotypical or not

[kanmom51]

Okay, so I am gonna rant and I want you to add your two cents, if you don't mind. Correct me if I am wrong in any way.

Recently, I saw something on the flaming pile of shit that is Twitter and it made me think for a bit. It was about skinship in Kpop, in general. And how BTS aren't really that big in it. And because that is what fans use to determine how close members are that is why JK and JM are considered to not be close or that JK is uncomfortable with JM. Because they use skinship to determine how close the members are. Nothing else. And because other companies are big in showing off skinship/fanservice of their members, that KM aren't that special because they don't show a lot of skinship. Apparently, closeness is determined by skinship. And skinship does matter because the fans use it to determine who is closest. Sorry, hope that summary made sense. Now begins the rant.

I just really can't anymore. People blow my mind. If ALL you can see of KM is their apparent lack of skinship compared to other groups and the other ships in BTS, then why are you here? You say skinship matters, then why and how does it matter when all the boys do it? We say skinship doesn't matter for that EXACT reason. Yes, it may matter to the other companies because it sells, but I don't think BH as a company focuses on that skinship/fanservice to provide a lot of profit. It's a nice side thing to see when watching the boys accomplish their dreams. And these boys have a LOT more freedom when doing things at BH compared to these other groups. Their companies profit off of/depend on the skinship moments between their members. Do we need skinship to determine how close the boys all are and how KM have grown closer over time? HELL NO!

I didn't say it before, but the Twitter post went further to state that ARMYs think that another ship is closer because the amount of skinship moments. Great for them! But did they ever think to wonder how suspicious it is that JK is ever so cautious when interacting with JM? He does not EVER do that with the other members, in my opinion. He looks like he is controlling what he is doing and for what reason?! Furthermore, when we do take a skinship moment into consideration, we take context, tension, and consistency into consideration, as well. Not everything means something, but I can list one that stood out to me. Rosebowl. I have never seen JK suck another members ear into his mouth to do whatever he wanted to do to JM. I don't think we will ever see him do it with another member in that context with that tension. If that doesn't scream closeness, then I don't know what does. I wouldn't put another member's sweaty ear in my mouth, especially if I was a very clean person. Unless, I was extremely close to them and I needed to prove/do something.

So, yeah, we don't use skinship that much or consider it a big deal because other people use it to determine closeness.

However, what we do use is other moments that are not related in any way to skinship.

How about spending so much time together that staff rarely saw them apart when passing by? Oh, I guess that doesn't shout closeness to you. It depends on skinship, doesn't it?

How about taking time to fly from Paris to Korea to spend a birthday and give gifts to someone? Taking time to get a cake and making a video telling them they would get drinks later, just to show up? Only one other member showed up and the other members were doing other things. Oh, but I guess that doesn't count again. Darn it!

Oh! How about being together at 4 AM on another birthday? And how big of a deal it was to them to share it with us? When it literally was not needed information at the time? JK grinning at JM when he finally spilled the beans was very sweet. But, oh gosh darn it! That won't work either, will it?

Ah! What about how consistent JK is with dropping honorifics with JM and speaking informally with JM (I can't really remember, but I think it is a mix between informal and formal speech? Correct me if I am wrong.)? He did a lot of this before he did it with the others. Of course, since they are all close, he does it now. But I do remember him saying that he wasn't comfortable with doing that before somewhere? So, why did he feel and why does he feel comfortable enough to do it with JM? And why did and why does JM let him get away with it? But I guess that was another flop since skinship was not a part of it. Sigh.

How about the GCFs? Tokyo was basically a love letter if you were willing to listen. JM seems to be his main muse if you look at all of them. But, ah! I guess everyone goes on trips with one person they aren't that close with or uncomfortable with. So, that's another bust, huh!

How about having inside jokes that the other members aren't privy to? The volleyball RUN episode and that recent behind the scene where KM were signing a song some online gamer sung (I think it was PUBG, but I don't know. I do know the person was streaming during it though.). That shows that they have there own jokes and that should show some closeness, right? Still, it doesn't have skinship, so I guess that is another one down the drain.

Ooo! How about JK's tattoo? This one is kinda obvious if you are just looking at it from an unbiased point of view! That one does it right? Ah, but I am wrong again, aren't I?

I could go on and on about the things that KM have done and will do that aren't related at all to skinship. Skinship doesn't show closeness. Never will. So, why shouldn't we make these moments bigger in our community and not consider a lot of skinship moments or the apparent lack of them? Why should we take into consideration that others think that another duo is closer due to skinship and that skinship matters more than anything? Why do these moments never get taken into consideration?

Maybe they are blind or just plain willfully ignorant of BTS, KM, and the relationships in it (and to be frank. I really don't take other kpop groups into consideration. I feel as if BTS are another level in how they show themselves, how they interact, and how much freedom they have. No other group I have seen has that much freedom. Tell me if I am wrong please.) I am not and never will be. I will not let others try to stomp on my opinions and these moments because they feel as if it doesn't show closeness due to their apparent lack of skinship. Sure. See it that way. I don't.

Rant over.

Have a nice day everyone and I feel loads better with that off my chest! Additionally, I apologize if everything is all over the place. I am so tired that I am tasting colors and this made me frustrated.

Quite an angry frustrated rant anon. Lol.

Love your nickname for Twitter. Lmao.

What utter bullshit. Unbelievable bullshit.

I agree with almost everything you write.

Skinship not big in BTS? Are they f**king blind?

I think they are a bit muddled up between skinship and fanservice. Two totally different though intertwined subjects.

Here is where I don't agree with something you said anon, because Skinship is about showing affection. BTS practice skinship showing their affection to each other. With Jikook, being as close as they are (time spent together, them literally telling us in not so many words what they mean to each other) the sus part is how careful they are when it comes to skinship. I, like you, feel it's more about JK's fear to lose control of the situation. Skinship when there is friendship and affection is not the same when there is sexual tension in the mix (re BV4 and JK's need to cover up after just a little of footsies with JM). Not every touch causes a reaction. But when you are in love with someone, when you are attracted to someone, their touch can reek havoc.

That was skinship - an acceptable way to show affection within SK culture.

Fanservice is about selling a product to the fans.

Is skinship utilized by other companies to sell their products? Oh yes it is. Does BH utilize skinship to sell BTS? Not as such, in my opinion. It’s not that BH hasn’t used fanservice over the years (JM or JK lifting their shirts during songs, kissing games – in the past) but they never had the members touch each other or pretend to show affection towards each other to sell the band. When members do skinship, it’s them doing their own thing, them showing affection and closeness with each other.

BTS are the epitome of skinship. They take it even farther than other k-pop bands. What BTS are not big at is fanservice. Yes, they do it at times, but it’s not on the level we see in other K-pop bands. Just lately I have started to see a bit of other K-pop bands, the things they go through on stage or in gameshows, the things they do as fanservice. BTS are not there at all.

Yes, they do engage in fanservice, but it’s usually them at a heightened state of excitement doing their thing but knowing just how much the fans love it. Jikook interactions on stage, Taejin interactions, at times could be considered fanservice although it’s not fake interaction. It’s them enjoying themselves and each other in front of their fans.

As for your description what makes Jikook, you are 100% right anon. Take the skinship out of the equation all together. We don't need skinship to see just how close Jikook are.

[anambermusicbox]

September 29 Day Countdown (12/29): 2019/03/26 Global Chinese Golden Chart 《流行音乐全金榜》 Live Broadcasted Radio Interview on Dragonfly FM

(40:55) Zhou Shen: “A lot of interviewers ask, ‘what do you want to say to your fans?’ To be honest, I’ve thought this question over millions of times, but in the end, the only thing you can say is ‘thank you.’ It’s really all you can say. All you have is just, ‘thank you,’ and you carry this gratitude with you as you do your best in everything. I think that’s the best thing you can say to them.”

(35:45) Interviewer talks about how fans find resonance with their idols; Zhou Shen thanks shengmi for being his 知音 (”zhiyin,” literally translates to “knowing the sound” and means someone who understand your music, used to refer to a close friend who understands you.)

Interviewer: The relationship fans have with idols and singers is changing (ZS: it’s getting closer and closer)—it's more of a chemical reaction; it’s not just their music, but this person’s temperament, their personality, the look in their eyes—that draws fans. How magnetic they are directly determines how long fans will follow them after the competition ends. You give me that feeling—I think your fans will keep increasing as you keep appearing in more and more shows, and more and more they see what kind of person you are.

Zhou Shen: (36:20) But to be honest, I don’t know how to repay them. The more I think about it, doing my best in singing seems to be the one thing I can do. (Interviewer: The works you produce are the most important.) Yeah, especially seeing that I am a singer—this is my profession.

Interviewer: (37:00) Sometimes, to fans, their idols are almost like their family. Actually, fans only have one requirement of their idols. They won’t say it out loud—they’ll say “oh don’t tire yourself out too much”—but they do have one requirement of their idols: don’t shrink back. (ZS: *makes a thoughtful noise*) No matter what the occasion, no matter what the condition, or at what state you think your career is at. Some idols will think “my career has already reached a plateau, I can’t do it anymore,” but the reality is, in their heart, your fans need you to not shrink back no matter what. (ZS: right right right right) Because if you shrink back, that means the hopes they’ve placed on you all these years has been misplaced.

(4:00) Zhou Shen talks about how he used to sing online, on a chatroom-like platform (YY) that was very simple compared to the livestream platforms that are popular today. He talks about singing a lot of JJ Lin’s songs and old classics, and how he didn’t take song requests because they always requested songs he didn’t want to or know how to sing (ZS: “You just pretend you don’t see it” LMAO). Interviewer ascertains that Zhou Shen had quite a bit of popularity online at that time.

Interviewer: “Have you ever counted how many fans have listened to you since [your online days as Kabu?]”

Zhou Shen: Yeah, yeah, yeah! There are, yeah! I don’t know how many there are, but I’ll see a lot of people who still call me Kabu. They tell me that they started listening to me then and have never stopped since. They have a lot of strength. (Interviewer: ? Strength?) During that period, there were quite a few people that listened to my singing. But then after I did a face reveal as Kabu… *dramatic sigh* *laughs* (Interviewer: Was it a problem for you before? Your voice not matching what they imagined you to be.) It wasn’t my problem, it was their problem. (*laughs*) *sings* Some people they leave~ disperse~ 

(6:45) Zhou Shen, at the interviewer’s insistence, sings 土鸡蛋 but in this version he actually feels an ounce of self-consciousness LMAO (also you get to hear the chorus of the song??)

(1:03:15) They play a game where the interviewer flips his songs backwards and Zhou Shen has to guess what song it is; ZS guesses the first one completely wrong. Interviewer: (1:06:25) “Because when you’re singing, you’re breathing out, but flipped backwards, your breath is going back in like *makes slurping sound*”

(1:14:20) You’ve heard of the 原生 wakeup alarm from the C929 Chengdu concert, now get ready for the 原生 good night alarm (T/N: I am begging you to listen to this LMAO); Zhou Shen: “Are you ready?” *one of the staff moves one meter away* “Eh? (*taking mock offence*) Why are you hiding?!” 

Interviewer after ZS finishes singing: “I really want to grab that thing [that was used to reverse the songs during the game] and take away that horrible sound. (ZS: *laughs in coloratura high C*) What was that?! You need to apologize to all 原生 singers.” (ZS: *still laughing, starts to wheeze*)

[kirstinmaldonado]

CHAPTER TWELVE 2.0

I started the last two chapters, happy to have something of substance to talk about, me being at home, improvements I was seeing, maybe even some rightful disappointment at some people’s lack of care in their actions…but like clockwork the beginning of the week brought in new developments and my mind drifted focus. My fingers lost the spark to write about feel-good situations when the chaos in the world seemed to extinguish the flame.

I was in Texas just two weeks ago but it honestly feels like forever, as if time is confused on what pace its on. The USA seems to be confused as well.

Theme parks across the nation are opening up. Some flights are back to full capacity. The world seems caught on a pendulum of thought: “Are we good enough to pretend and pass like we can go back to normal?”

Meanwhile, people are still getting sick. People are still dying. Protests are still happening, although it apparently doesn’t serve the media to still be airing that. Justice has still not been served for those we’ve lost: Breonna Taylor, Vanessa Guillen, Elijah McClain, and so many more. The media and internet is ablaze with people ridiculing, attacking, or making fun of each other, on top of everything going on.

I wonder if I’m a part of that sometimes. While I still think protesting for “bar lives” is unfathomable and tone deaf, while it was so easy to ridicule because it was so insanely insensitive to compare to the BLM movement, did I help to further a narrative full of spite? Did I egg on anger and divisiveness, did I unintentionally help create arguments online? Did I give a platform that I don’t agree with more attention by calling attention to it?

I’m all for the hard but important conversations. I love them, to be honest. My family and I had many thought-provoking conversations when I was home, about what they’ve experienced with racism, about our opinions on all sides. It was wonderful to expand our ways of thinking using past and present! I think we all walked away with more rounded backing to our opinions, me included, and I’m thankful to have a family that can be so open and willing to discuss.

Yet, those conversations can’t be condensed into however many characters can fit in to a tweet. The art of negotiating is not all about winning, it’s also about empathizing. It’s about explaining and getting the opponent to understand your side and school of thinking; if you just tear them apart for their lack of understanding or different opinion, how can they ever fully understand or want to, especially if you are the one trying to teach them something not in their wheelhouse?

Racism, of course, is non-negotiable.

Everything else, and it’s a lot, that we have encountered in the last few weeks (mainly dealing with COVID) feels like it’s cumulatively driven us to a breaking point, to a point where I don’t really feel like I live in the “United” States of America. I feel like we are now all pitted against each other, immediate to defend our point, and jumping to 10 because honestly we are tired of the bullshit.

I get it. I do. But in the last few days while I’ve watched coronavirus cases develop, “Karens” making a fool of themselves in public places and endangering people’s lives with their sense of entitlement, while watching Hamilton for the first time and seeing good and bad critiques, Kanye running for president, while I’ve cried over Vanessa and what happened to her only to have someone try to belittle my reaction compared to others we’ve lost, I realized something.

Chaos. All chaos.

How can we make real change when we are all just screaming? How can we move mountains when we are pushing from two opposing sides? And while we have made progress, will we have the sensibility to keep with it or will our boiling frustrations overrule and distract us from our end goal, lasting and transformative change for the betterment of BIPOCs and everyone?

I’m not hating on our progress. And I’m not vilifying people’s reactions to things not in your school of thought, albeit insanely frustrating things. I’ve been there and am there. The amount of Facebook posts I’ve written novels for, the shock I feel on a daily basis for some people, is all still there. Yet, my sadness for this world and how to heal it has crept in and bated me.

What can “I” do to make a difference?

Hating and bashing things is our new normal, our humor has become intertwined with it so much that we ridicule and make jokes out of everything. Click-bait headlines only stoke the flames. Coronavirus is still surging every day, and you know what, some people can’t pretend to go back to “normal” amongst it all.

The entertainment business, for example, won’t be back up and running for… who knows? I wouldn’t be surprised if Broadway was closed for longer than a year. We rescheduled our tour in hopes that we would be able to go, but with the way things are looking I can’t help but feel distressed about the outlook for the entertainment industry/shows all around. So many people’s “normal” won’t come back at all until we get a headway on this virus, and it’s gonna take us all coming together for that to work as well. We have to truly be THE UNITED states of america.

As a side-note, Pentatonix has never been this stationary since we started…and that’s bittersweet too. Never take anything for granted, guys.

So while I dissolved into a puddle over Vanessa and how I don’t even know how to help mediate the world anymore, with people at each others throats literally and figuratively all the time, with good people and bad people on every side, I returned to a very old school of thought for myself. 

Be kind. 

What can “I” do every day? 

Yes, use my platform as a strong voice of advocacy, try to filter through everything to make sure I’m posting facts and not scare-mongering or leading anyone astray from what they should be seeing.

I’ve protested. Signed petitions. Written emails. I tried to raise awareness and bring everyone along with me on my journey as I learned, which I thought was helpful.

But I forgot about the most important thing, the thing that’s been ingrained in my head since I was a child for better for worse, the one thing that even though practiced vehemently, never always comes back guaranteed.

Be kind.

I lost that somewhere along the way, a bit. I could feel my soul hardening at how cruel some people can be, I felt how easy it was to smite and bash people’s names who have done far worse. I felt my eyes cloud with hate.

For a long time I thought the battle was human vs earth and I was always so sad to see how easily we destroyed such a precious gift. 

Now I know at its core that the real problem is human vs human: how to one up each other, how to be more successful, how to win, how to be MORE all the time. That feeling has been slowly poisoning us and our empathy and compassion towards others. That feeling is not about bettering oneself, it’s about greed and it spreads like cancer. 

For a long time, I didn’t want to “be kind” like a Disney princess anymore. I was tired of trying to use kindness as a shield as if people’s actions did not hurt me. I was mad at my kindness for blinding me and letting me get hurt. I thought the phrase “kill them with kindness” was stupid, because I was the one that kept getting hurt.

But my kindness did not do that to me. I did not do that to me.

People did. Hurt people. Confused people. People that had problems within themselves that were in no way a reflection of me. People with opposing views. Those people are not my fault. Those people don’t get to have their anger bleed in to my life, they don’t get to poison my disposition with their greed and animosity.

What can I do?

Every day, I can make a point to not be divisive. To not so easily make fun of things, belittle, call names, etc.

I can tone down my “complaining” online. I can not get so upset and rush to attack people that would be hard to get my point across to anyway online, so I don’t work myself up for hours about one internet troll when I could be doing other more important things. Why lose sanity over someone only wanting to argue? Why revert to the name bashing, why invite more stress and anger in to my life, even though there’s enough anyway with what’s going on in the world?

As I uncovered more history, had more awakenings and understandings, and dealt with my own personal stresses, I felt my strength oscillating and now I know why. I was so hardened with hate and disbelief, I felt like a fool living in a world that said it was something else. And...I left my best ally behind in my own rush for MORE.

Kindness. 

Empathy. Understanding. Patience.

So for July, I’ve decided to take care of myself a little more. Take care of others. Make sure that I am not contributing to anyone’s pain, and only being an ally to amplify voices that need to be heard. 

There’s a kinder way to say everything. There’s a kinder way to live. Amongst all this chaos, maybe if we were all a bit kinder, we could ease the waves of tension and calm the storm. Maybe if we could see past ourselves, we could make a lasting change for us all.

I changed my bio the other day. We must be like the sunflowers, pulling toxicity from the ground and air. Nature’s helper. I said I would be like that.

They don’t contribute anything negative, they just stand tall and strong, a mediating force in a world that needs purifying. 

So, I will armor myself with my strength, knowledge, and kindness. 

And see about tomorrow. 

[mikeisthricedeceased]

You’re My Home 3

Catfish x OC

Part 3: Honesty

Word Count: ~3.5k

Part 1  Part 2

Warnings: ANGST, mentions of death, mentions of alcoholism, mentions of drug use, overdose, fluff

A/N: Sorry for the angst. Also for the info-dump of a dating montage. I gotta establish things. They fuck in the next part. Like, a lot.

Summary: They go on a few more dates and its a Montage. Frankie has a bad time in his apartment. Overdose and ER visit. Nita gives Frankie a stern talking-to.

~*~*~*~

Frankie woke up in his room, looking around blearily. He squinted, turning to look at the other side of the bed, only to find it empty.

Huffing out a sigh, he buried his face in his pillow.

She might’ve had work. Or had things to take care of at her place. 

Or she just wanted to leave after he fell asleep because it was clear that nothing was going to happen, even if he had been awake.

It wasn’t fair to think like that. He knew that. It was a reflection of how he was getting into his own head far more than it was a reflection of anything she’d done.

Nita had sprawled out on the couch, leaning into him, head on his chest as they scrolled through movies and shows. She’d done her best to explain some parts of her job or the whole community behind it when they couldn’t find anything else to watch.

They’d spent a long time curled up on the couch and talking about whatever came to mind.

When he had asked her to stay, he hadn’t really been expecting much. After all, even with how much he wanted her, that odd guilt had stayed in the back of his mind.

He could still picture her tired smile as she said, “As long as we can move back to the bed. I don’t think I’ll survive sleeping on a couch for the night.”

She had quickly exchanged her jeans for an old pair of sweatpants he had, which were way too long on her, before slipping under the covers with him.

And now she was gone.

He reached for the phone on his nightstand, lifting it up and squinting. No notifications.

He sank into numbness as he got up, rubbing a hand down his face and shuffling to the bathroom to take a piss.

When he came back out, he headed to the kitchen, walking right past an old set of sneakers with a folded pair of jeans and a bra sitting on top of them.

He was in the middle of a yawn when he stepped into the kitchen and was confronted with the sight of Nita kneeling on top of the counter, a cabinet open next to her as she read the label on a bag of ground coffee.

She looked up when he stopped, giving him a warm smile.

The morning was already far better than he’d been preparing himself for.

~*~*~*~

“And this was right after she was born?” Nita asked.

Frankie smiled. “Yeah, right when they brought her back from being weighed and everything. She was so tiny.”

She looked up from the photo on his phone, placing a hand on his arm. “She’s so beautiful.”

Nita was sitting with her legs thrown across his lap, curled up against the arm of the couch in his living room. One of his hands rested just above her ankle, the other splayed over her thigh.

“She is,” he agreed. “Lana almost had to knock me out to get me to hand her over. As soon as Izzy was in my arms, I never wanted to give her up for anything.” His expression was so soft, bursting with adoration.

Nita chuckled. “Doesn’t surprise me, you big softie,” she said, brushing her knuckles along his jaw.

He rolled his eyes, waving her hand away. “Yeah, yeah.” He pointed to the phone in her hands. “If you scroll further down, there should be some more recent pictures. Stuff from her birthday.”

Nita leaned her head against the back of the couch as she looked through the pictures, a small smile on her face that grew whenever she came across a photo of a little girl with cake icing all over her face. “I think it’s safe to say you have the most adorable daughter in the world. At least, in my opinion,” she said, patting his chest and handing him his phone.

He nodded, grinning over at her as he took it. “Oh, I’d have to agree. No contest.” He squeezed her thigh affectionately.

They’d been dating for about a month. It was good. So good. 

Over that month, he’d told her a little bit about the fuckup of a job that went down in South America the year before, and how it had cost them an old friend. How he blamed himself for the crash that made the whole thing go downhill. How he and his buddies had been trying to stay in touch a little more after that, even with how much civilian life kept them apart.

She’d told him about her friend and business partner, Sydney, as well as his husband, Ethan. How they, and the people she worked with, were her family. How her parents had kicked her out and cut her off when she came out after high school and that she had joined the Marines to help pay for college without them. How she hadn’t spoken to them since then. Nothing, in 25 years.

He didn’t think he would have made it as far as he had if he hadn’t had his parents to back him up. He had to give her credit for finding a whole new family and making a life doing what she enjoyed and cared about.

Frankie could feel himself open up to her whenever they went out together or when she came over and they just talked for hours about everything and nothing.

He eventually managed to bring up his struggles with cocaine, terrified of her reaction but more so terrified of the possibility of her finding out some other way.

She’d looked taken aback when he told her. He was ready for her to tell him that she couldn’t be around that, that he had to fix it before he considered dating. It had played a big part in ending his marriage, after all.

She had just looked at him for a few moments. “My assistant, Tiff, takes the key to my home liquor cabinet home with her whenever I start to get too stressed.” Her gaze slid down. “I started giving it to her once we’d gotten a little closer, and I’d told her about how I’d been well on my way to alcoholism before I was even old enough to drink. Joining the military made it worse. It peaked right after I got discharged. That whole clusterfuck tipped me over the edge and I ended up in the ER getting my stomach pumped after a particularly rough night of binge drinking.” She’d shrugged, offering a sad smile. “Started going to therapy after that. It helps. Having friends, too. I won’t pretend to know what it’s like for something like coke, but I imagine there’s some crossover in the reasoning behind it. I wanted to shut things out. The shit with my family. All the stuff while I was serving. Almost losing Syd.”

She had let out a sigh, holding one of his hands between hers. “Stopping it has taken more discipline than I ever thought I had. And I haven’t even gone full sober, but I have strict rules for myself. It starts to get easier though, when you find other, better habits to take its place.”

Frankie had run a hand through his hair. “How do you do that?”

A wrinkle appeared between her brows. “Do what?”

“Make me have some hope for myself that doesn’t feel like complete bullshit.”

She had brought his hand up and kissed his knuckles. “I’m just telling you the stuff that I’ve gone through and what I’ve learned in the years since then. We’ve all had our struggles. A little empathy only makes sense.”

He had pulled her up into his lap after that, sliding his arms around her and just holding her there for a long time.

He also occasionally worked up the courage to ask her specific questions about her job at the club. He’d made some effort to look things up online, but usually ended up feeling like everything went over his head.

“So, people call you Boss when you’re there?” he asked one night when they’d had pizza delivered to his apartment for a night in.

She nodded, sliding a slice of ham and pineapple onto her plate. “Yep. And outside of work, too, since it kinda becomes a habit, but that’s mostly the other staff. The Boss is kinda like a role I play while I’m there in general, and with a few of my regular clients that like that for private play. The suits are really nice,” she said, smiling.

“When you say regular clients, is that just people who stop by a lot?”

“It’s a repeat business. We have our regulars just like anywhere else, people that get what they’re looking for with a particular Dom on staff, or the people who pay for the membership so they can use the equipment in the open dungeons,” she said, shrugging as she took a bite of pizza.

Frankie set his beer on the coffee table and raised an eyebrow. “What kinds of stuff do your clients ask you to do for them?” The tips of his ears went a little warm when he realized what he might be asking about. “If you can even say. I guess most people wouldn’t want their... interests to be talked about with random people.”

She grinned. “You can say kinks. It’s not a bad word. And I’m happy to discuss clients in a very general way. I just don’t want to out anyone specific for what they like.”

He sat back into the couch. “So, what is the general stuff?”

“Well,” she began, “I’ve dealt with Daddy and Mommy kinks, a lot of bondage, nonsexual overstimulation, sensory deprivation, impact play, breath play. Degradation is a big one, as is praise. Sometimes, there’s a specific scenario that the client wants to explore, so that usually has some more involved roleplaying.”

He nodded along, eyes going a bit wide. “I know what some of those words mean,” he told her. “And you’re the one in charge every time? Like, you’re the one doing stuff, the tying up and name-calling and everything?”

“I am the Boss. So, yes.” She drew her legs up and tucked them under her. “But, despite the power play going on in a scene, the submissive always has a level of control over the situation because they can end it immediately and at any point. That’s what safewords are for, or alternatives when a sub can’t speak.”

“Right,” he said slowly. “And the club has its own safeword?”

She nodded through another bite.

He looked down at his own plate. “And you’re really into all of that?”

“Yeah. It’s why I made it my job. I mean, I’m not really into being called Mommy or Daddy myself, but I don’t mind it if it’s what the client wants. Kind of a loose roleplay.”

“So, you—” He had to clear his throat, glancing over at her. “You want to do that kind of stuff...to me?”

Nita looked over at him, studying his face before setting her plate on the table with a sigh. She scooted closer to him on the couch and set a hand on his knee. “I don’t want to do anything that you don’t want me to. We don’t have to do any of this and I’m certainly not going to force it on you. If you find yourself interested, we can try some things, but I’m not expecting you to get on board just because I am.” She leaned against him, taking his hand. “And considering the fact that we’ve only really made out at this point, I have no plans to start breaking out any crazy shit.”

Embarrassment burned in his chest. “Yeah, I’m—I’m sorry about that whole thing,” he said, rubbing a hand over the back of his neck.

She sat up a little higher to look at him, still partially leaning into his side. “Stop it. That isn’t something you ever need to apologize for. I am fully capable of enjoying time with you that doesn’t involve sex, Frankie.” She slid her arms around his chest, resting her head on his shoulder. “And I get to cuddle up with you regardless, so I’m only winning.”

He offered a half-hearted hum, but wrapped an arm around her to keep her tucked against him.

She squinted up at his profile. “Don’t make me start,” she warned.

“Start what?”

“You know what.”

He shook his head. “No, I don’t.”

“I’m gonna start, Frankie,” she said, pursing her lips at him.

“I don’t know what that means,” he insisted, holding his hands up, brows lifting in exasperation.

Nita brought a hand up to cup the side of his face. “So pretty.”

He frowned in confusion. “What?”

She leaned up and buried her face in his neck. “The most handsome,” she said.

“What’re you—”

“Very cozy. The sweetest ever. A ‘read me the whole phone book’ kind of voice.” She was smiling against his neck.

“Nita—”

She pulled herself up onto his lap, ignoring him. “Really soft hair. Nice laugh. Gorgeous eyes. A big-hearted goofball. The best smile. A goddamn adorable blush. Hands made to be held. Excellent kisser. Fellow bad movie lover. Super smart. Great at—”

“Okay!” he exclaimed, putting a hand over her mouth to make her stop, his face burning. “I get it! You don’t have to attack me with compliments.”

She beamed at him and pulled his hand away, poking his cheek. “See? A goddamn adorable blush.”

“Stop,” he groaned, leaning forward to hide his face in her hair while she laughed.

It seemed too soon to say anything, but he could feel it filling his chest whenever she was around.

~*~*~*~

Despite everything that had improved in the last month, he would still end up tormenting himself in the off times.

One morning, he woke up before sunrise. His apartment was dark and empty.

He should’ve pushed to leave more money behind before they ever took off.

Frankie ground the heels of his palms into his eyes as he sat up.

He should’ve found a better exit route.

Swinging his legs off the side of the bed, he stood up slowly, putting a hand on the nightstand for support.

He should’ve found a different place to land.

He shuffled into his bathroom and turned on the faucet, splashing cold water on his face before he looked at himself in the mirror.

He’d shot first.

There were dark circles under his eyes and he looked pale. The lines in his face stood out, making him seem grim. Guilty.

He’d been willing to kill kids. Fucking kids.

It was his fault. He couldn’t stop drawing everything back to the mistakes he’d made, the risks he’d taken while they were there. They’d lost the money because of him. They’d crashed because of him. Tom was dead because of him.

He’d still be at home, watching his daughter grow up, if he hadn’t agreed to go in the first place.

He turned the faucet off and walked out of the bathroom, going straight for the dresser. Opening up the top drawer, he slid his hand to the back and grabbed the big Ziploc bag hidden under some old socks. He brought the whole thing with him as he walked to the kitchen and grabbed a beer from the fridge.

He popped open the bottle and headed into the living room, tossing the bag on the coffee table and sinking down onto the couch.

The little packets of white powder stared up at him as he sipped his beer.

~*~*~*~

Nita parked outside of Frankie’s building. She got out of the car, clipping her keyring to a belt loop, and grabbed her wallet and phone from the cup holder.

She jogged up to the main entrance, catching the door before it closed behind the person who walked in ahead of her.

They were going to try a new breakfast place downtown. They had agreed it would be easier to just meet up at his place and take one car from there, since it had become the norm for Nita to stay over until she had to get ready for work anyway.

When she reached the elevator, she hit the call button and sent Frankie a quick ‘on my way up’ text.

She looked up as the door opened with a ding and stepped inside, glancing down at her phone in anticipation of a short acknowledging response from him. She kept checking while she got off on his floor and up until she was in front of his door.

Shaking her head with a small smile, she knocked on the door. He had a habit of leaving his phone on the charger in his bedroom until the last minute.

She looked down the hallway as she waited for him to open the door. She waited and waited and waited.

There didn’t seem to be any movement on the other side.

She knocked harder, leaning toward the door with a frown. The TV was playing faintly from inside, but she couldn’t hear him moving around or talking. Nothing.

Looking down at her phone, she called him and brought it up to her ear.

She could hear it ringing from inside his apartment. It rang until his voicemail picked up.

Worry set in. He wouldn’t still be in the shower if they were supposed to meet up. His apartment wasn’t huge, he’d be able to hear her knocking or his phone ringing. He’d have told her if something came up, and he wouldn’t have left without his phone. Hell, his truck was still parked in the lot.

She tried knocking again.

When she still didn’t get a reply, she started shifting into panic mode. Awful scenarios played over in her mind.

Is this how Syd felt when he couldn’t get in touch with her?

That thought triggered a whole other scenario to play out. The night she had to be rushed to the hospital for alcohol poisoning.

And Frankie had told her about his issues with cocaine.

“No, no, no,” she whispered, twisting helplessly at the doorknob, “please, don’t be that.”

She was sprinting back down the hallway before she even realized what she was going to do. Her panicked footsteps echoed through the stairwell as she went back to the ground floor and burst out into the lobby.

She got to the front desk, gripping the edge of the counter as she looked at the clerk.

“I need a key for 306,” she told him, breathless.

He didn’t look up from his computer. “Do you have proof of residence?”

“I don’t live here. It’s my boyfriend’s apartment. Please, it’s urgent.”

He sighed, turning to her with a bored look. “I can’t give out keys without proof of residence or consent from a resident.”

She shook her head, panic giving way to her temper. “You don’t understand, this is an em—”

“I cannot give out keys without proof of residence or consent from a resident.”

Furious, she pulled a business card out of her wallet and threw it at the man. “Fucking bill me, then,” she snarled.

She was already back at the door for the stairway before he could shout an angry “Hey!”

Even taking the steps two at a time, it felt like forever before she reached the third floor. She ran down the hallway, pulse pounding in her ears as she returned to his door. Taking a deep breath, she braced herself quickly before slamming a foot into the door, right next to the knob.

She heard it crack a little, but it held, vibrating on its hinges with the force.

Kicking again, the cracking was louder and there was a dent where her foot hit.

A third kick made the doorframe splinter inward and she was able to shoulder the door open the rest of the way.

She saw him immediately. 

He was laying limp on the living room floor, a trail of foam at the corner of his mouth. Three beer bottles sat on the coffee table, one laying on its side. She didn’t miss the shakily prepared lines of cocaine right next to the bottles, or that the amount of open packets scattered across the table meant that they were far from the first.

She ran over to him and crouched at his side, fingers seeking out the pulse at his neck.

It was fast, too fast, but that was better than nothing.

Pulling her phone out, she called for an ambulance immediately, trying to keep the shaking out of her voice as she answered their non-stop questions.

She stayed on the phone with the dispatcher until the paramedics were walking through the splintered doorway. How she must’ve looked then, petting his hair gently with trembling hands.

The questions started all over again as she went with them out to the ambulance. There was so much that she couldn’t answer and she just kept apologizing for that, even though they’d only known each other for little more than a month

She climbed in with them, wide eyed as they started placing stickers and wires all over him before sticking an IV in his arm.

They were throwing jargon back and forth between the questions that they asked her.

She felt like she was in a daze, listening to the rapid beeps of the machine monitoring his vitals, trying to pick through her memory for any traces of his medical history that might’ve come up in conversation.

Then, a dull, steady tone filled the space.

The world went white as the paramedic beside her got to his feet and started doing chest compressions.

She knew that they were all talking to one another, and maybe to her, but all she heard was that single long tone. Numbness crawled through her veins and she just stared at Frankie’s face. There wasn’t anything she could do in that situation and the helplessness was tearing her apart.

Her body jolted along with the momentum of the speeding ambulance, her elbow slamming into the wall hard enough to bruise at one point, but the only pain she felt was her chest constricting and the blurry sting behind her eyes.

Everything became too loud when the beeping resumed. The sudden ability to breathe again made her dizzy and she could feel tears falling down her face.

The paramedics waited a moment, scanning the monitor to ensure that things were returning to some semblance of normal, before the one beside her sat back down.

He gently nudged her arm and she realized that she was shaking. “Hey. We’ve got him,” he said softly.

She just nodded silently, not trusting her voice to work with the lump in her throat.

From that point on, she watched the monitor displaying his vitals, willing it all to stay steady throughout the rest of the drive.

When they got to the hospital, she wasn’t allowed to follow them back to his room. She wasn’t family.

Instead, a nurse led her out to the waiting room, where she sat stiffly in one of the cushioned chairs, not really sure what she was meant to be waiting for, nor how long that wait would be.

She wasn’t sure how long she sat there, staring blankly at the empty chair across from her, before a woman came through the main entrance.

Nita didn’t really notice her until she hurried up to the nurses’ station and said “I got a call about a patient. Francisco Morales?”

Nita looked up, finding a woman she’d seen a few glimpses of in older photos of Izzy that Frankie had shown her on his phone. Lana. She must’ve still been listed as his emergency contact.

She got up out of her chair as the nurse behind the desk took Lana’s ID and started typing away. As she got closer, she felt more uncertain as to what she would even say.

Lana was about average height, which meant she was taller than Nita, and seemed to be a few years younger, maybe mid to late thirties. She was pretty, a warm complexion and dark hair that was pulled away from her face in a low ponytail. She glanced up when Nita stopped a few feet away.

“Hi,” Nita said, giving a small, polite smile. “You’re Lana, right?” She caught the look of slight confusion as Lana studied her face, clearly trying to place it. “We’ve never met. I’m Nita, I came here with Frankie.”

Realization spread over her features and she held out a hand, which Nita shook. “I didn’t know he was seeing someone.”

Nita shrugged, a part of her hoping she didn’t look as wrecked as she still felt. “It’s only been a little over a month, so I’m not surprised.”

Lana’s eyes widened. “A month? And you’re already having to come to the hospital?” She leaned closer, voice lowering. “Tell me it wasn’t the coke. They just told me to come in, they didn’t tell me what was wrong. Did he overdose?”

She pressed her lips tight, head filling with that long, dull tone as she gave a small nod. “I found him. We were supposed to meet up before grabbing breakfast.”

“I’m sorry,” Lana said sincerely. Then, she frowned slightly. “What are you doing out here? Are they not allowing visitors?”

Nita shook her head. “Family only.” She gestured vaguely to Lana. “Or emergency contacts.”

“Ms. Torres,” said the nurse, holding out Lana’s ID. “Someone will be by in a minute to bring you back.”

Lana took the card, still frowning as she looked at Nita, before she turned to the nurse. “Can I bring her back with me?”

Nita’s eyes widen a bit in surprise, gaze shifting between Lana and the nurse.

The nurse looked to Nita. “Do you have an ID with you?”

She was quick to slip her license out of her wallet and hand it over, nodding her thanks to Lana who just gave a small smile.

A nurse appeared from the set of automatic doors next to the desk as Nita was being handed her license back.

“You’re here for Mr. Morales?” he asked.

Both women nodded and he gestured for them to follow.

Nita tensed as soon as they left the waiting room, skin crawling as they made their way down the featureless hall. It was always the smell that bothered her first, followed by the lighting and the hallways that felt awkwardly wide but also cramped. She’d never even been to this hospital, but the bland walls were full of bad memories.

“He’ll be asleep when you go in, and probably won’t wake up for a few hours while he detoxes,” the nurse was explaining. “We did have him awake a little while ago to check for any other possible issues, like a concussion since he was found on the ground. Nothing turned up, so that’s a good sign. It’s just down to having him rest and letting everything work it’s way out of his system. The plan right now is to keep him overnight, with the possibility of holding him another day for observation.” They stopped at a door and the nurse carefully pushed it open, letting Nita and Lana step through first. “If you need anything, you can go to the nurses’ station that’s a little further down this hall.” He then gestured back the direction they’d just come from. “We passed some vending machines on the way here. I know it’s almost lunch time, so if you want to get some snacks, those are an option. There’s also the cafeteria, but you might need to ask someone to show you the way if you want to get there.”

They each nodded along with his words, thanking him before he slipped back out of the room. They were left to take in the sight of Frankie in the hospital bed as the room settled into silence.

He was pale, a thin sheen of sweat causing his hair to stick to his forehead and neck. His eyes seemed sunken, like this was the only sleep he’d gotten in a long time. The wide neck of the hospital gown was crooked and left his collarbones exposed, skin still gleaming with sweat. There were a few machines surrounding him, all just there to monitor his heart rate, oxygen levels, or blood pressure. He was still hooked up to an IV, the bag hanging on a stand nestled amongst the machines.

Nita was hit with a wave of nausea but she gritted her teeth, determined to fight it. He would be alright. There was no reason for her to start sliding back into panic. 

Her throat tightened with the threat of tears anyway.

Lana walked over to one of the chairs in the room and sat down heavily, sighing as she ran her hands down her face. She looked to where Nita was still frozen in place. “Come sit. I don’t think there’ll be much for us to do until he wakes up,” she said gently, leaning back.

“Yeah,” she rasped, taking him in for a moment longer before tearing her gaze away and moving to join Lana.

~*~*~*~

His chest hurt. It felt like someone had knocked a baseball right into the center of it. Or maybe just hit him directly with a hard swing of the bat.

And the low beeping was making the pounding in his head even worse.

He heard people speaking, too low to make out, and something about their voices was...off.

Everything was too bright when he tried to open his eyes. It was like a light was shining right into his face. He forced his eyes to stay open, squinting against the light in the room and up at the TV playing on the wall across from him.

The voices.

He slowly registered that he was in a hospital room as he looked around. Something was wrong. He’d fucked something up. Done too much. His whole body felt like shit.

His gaze eventually landed on the figure sitting in a chair off to the side.

She was facing the TV, a bag of pretzels in her hand, not yet noticing that he was awake.

Confusion took hold of him. “Lana?”

She met his gaze with a start. “Hey,” she said, flustered. “You’re up.”

He shook his head. “What’re you—? But Izzy—?”

“Izzy is with my mom. The hospital called me down here,” she told him with a sigh. “You need to get your records updated, Frankie.”

He felt himself sink down into the bed. “Yeah. I’m sorry. I didn’t—” He swallowed hard, throat dry. “I didn’t mean for this to happen.”

Lana stood up and folded her arms as she made her way over to the side of the bed. “I know you didn’t. I think the fact that you had plans this morning kinda saved you, actually.”

“Plans?” he asked with a slight frown. 

And then there was the dread as he remembered.

“It’s Tuesday,” he said softly. “I was supposed to have breakfast with Nita.”

Lana nodded, looking down at her shoes. “She’s the one that found you.”

“Fuck,” he groaned, covering his face with his hands. “God fucking damn it.” He shut his eyes and let his hands fall back down. “I woke up so early, I didn’t even think about the day.”

“She’s been on edge the whole time I’ve been here, Frankie.” She looked up at him and her eyes were so full of emotion that it almost made him wince. “Don’t put her through this, alright? I know that you know it’s not fair. To anyone.”

He stared down at the end of the bed. “I know. I’m trying, but I just...” he trailed off with a sigh. “I’m trying.”

“Yeah,” she said, voice low and a bit strained as she let her gaze drop.

“And Nita’s here?” He tried to shift a little, sit up straighter, but pain twisted all along his rib cage and he was forced to slump back. Prepared to try again, he took a deep breath, only to discover that that alone reignited the pain. Teeth gritted, he focused on keeping his breathing even without over-expanding his lungs.

“She is. She went to grab a drink from the vending machine.”

He nodded slightly, a hand hovering over where the ache was worst. “Did something happen while I was out?” he ground out. “When I move, it’s like I’m getting kicked in the chest.”

Lana frowned and shook her head. “I don’t know. They said you were alright, aside from having to detox. You could call in a nurse,” she suggested.

They both turned to look when the door opened.

Nita slipped into the room, eyes widening as she saw Frankie. “Hi. How do you feel?” she asked, quickly moving to his side, a hand gently taking hold of his free one.

“Like shit,” he said, offering a dry grin. “Headache isn’t fun. And my chest is killing me, for some reason.”

Something in her expression shifted, the little smile that had been forming wavered. “They didn’t say your ribs were broken, but they’re probably pretty bruised.”

“Did I hit something? Or run into something?” 

She shook her head and squeezed his hand, eyes too bright. “No. They, uh...They had to do chest compressions on the ride here.” He could see her jaw working as she shifted her weight. “You flatlined.”

He stared at her blankly, not sure he even wanted to fully process what she’d said.

“What?” Lana exclaimed.

Nita cleared her throat. “I’m sorry. I would’ve said something earlier, but I couldn’t really think about it without—” She rocked back on her heels and pulled her hand away from him. “Hospitals bring back—” she started again before her jaw clenched. “I’m gonna go sit down.”

They watched her shuffle around the bed and slump down heavily into one of the chairs, hands covering her face. She was silent for a few moments before she looked back up at them.

“I haven’t been able to get the sound out of my head since I heard it, and hospitals bring back some very bad memories, so I’ve just been trying to avoid focusing on the details or thinking about anything that will make me nauseous.” She said it all very quickly, like she was trying to get it out before she could register her own words. “So, your ribs are probably bruised.”

Frankie looked up at the ceiling and almost wished that he was enough of a believer to pray, but he couldn’t get his thoughts organized enough to even try.

Lana slowly made her way over to the chairs and sat down next to Nita.

Things were pretty quiet after that.

~*~*~*~

The hospital released him two days later, taking that second day for observation to monitor the effects of the detox and the severity of his bruised ribs.

Nita was there from the very beginning of visiting hours each day, staying until the nurses had to practically force her to leave.

Lana left when visitation ended the day he was brought in so that she could pick Izzy up. She came back for an hour or two the next morning to check in, and a final time when they were letting him go.

Once Lana left and his papers were signed, he was wheeled out through the front doors and to the entrance of the parking garage by a nurse before getting up and walking the rest of the way to Nita’s car.

The drive to his apartment was overwhelmingly calm and it made him feel like everything inside him was utter chaos by comparison.

Upon making it to his building, the man at the front desk stopped them as soon as they walked in. 

“You Morales? 306?” he asked Frankie.

His brow furrowed. “Yeah.”

The man held out a hand. “ID.”

Frankie just looked more confused as he pulled out his wallet and handed his license over.

The clerk leaned over his computer and checked the license against some information he pulled up on the monitor. Then, he straightened back up and returned the ID before handing Frankie a key. “For your new door,” he said, shooting a glare at Nita.

Frankie stared down at the key as they walked to the elevator. “New door? I didn’t know they were getting new doors.”

Nita pushed the call button and looked up at him. “They aren’t. I just kicked in your old one.”

His brows shot up and he nearly dropped the key. “You what?”

“They wouldn’t give me a key, so I had to kick my way in.”

He stared at her blankly for a few seconds. “I’m sorry you had to do that,” he said lowly.

She shrugged. “I just had to get to you. I was worried.”

He gazed down at her as they walked onto the elevator, eyes sweeping over her face. She looked tired. And it was his fault.

He was a little startled when he felt her fingers intertwine with his.

“I’m fine,” she assured him, voice quiet, “we’re focusing on making you feel better.”

Her thumb brushed the back of his hand.

He couldn’t help wondering if she knew just how much he didn’t deserve it, that little comforting gesture. Surely, there was enough evidence showing that she shouldn’t even bother with him. It had to be clear by that point that he was just in a permanent state of fucked up mess.

Neither of them said anything when they reached the third floor and walked down the hall.

He took note of the fresh coat of paint on the new doorframe and the knob that shone bright from lack of use.

When he walked inside, he felt a heaviness clinging to him, weighing his shoulders down. He hated how his first concern was the mess he’d left on the coffee table, and the confusion when he saw that there were no traces of it.

“I got rid of it while I was waiting for the ambulance,” Nita said as she walked into the kitchen and pulled herself up onto the counter. “I broke the door and there was no reason to leave it out for someone to find while you were gone.”

He just looked at her, a frown etched into his face. Shuffling into the kitchen, he leaned back against the counter across from her and let his gaze drop to the floor, body slumping as much as his ribs would allow.

Her eyes trailed over him with concern. “What are you thinking about?”

Crossing his arms, he shook his head. “The fact that I’m just a piece of shit, and that I can’t stop fucking things up for myself.” His eyes burned as he gestured toward her. “I mean, I fucking OD and you’re the one cleaning up after me. We’ve been together a few weeks and I’m already—” his voice cracked, “I’m already putting you through this kind of bullshit. This kind of stupid shit is the whole reason I’m divorced and now I’m throwing it at you too. And, on top of that, I feel guilty whenever I want you, which doesn’t even make sense and just makes me feel like a goddamn asshole because I know that I’m being fucking confusing but I can’t make it stop. I start to think about any bad memories or doubts and my first instinct is to fucking turn my brain off for a few hours because I’m too fucking stupid to figure out a halfway decent way to cope. I can’t trust myself.” He took his hat off and threw it across the counter, running a hand through his hair and down his face. “Now, I’m just ranting at you like a kid throwing a tantrum, as if you have anything to do with all of my bullshit,” he said, smiling bitterly to himself as his throat tightened. “You’re the best thing that’s happened to me in all this time I’ve been on my own and this is the shit that I pull.”

His jaw clenched as he folded his arms back tight across his chest and shifted his weight.

Nita slipped down off of the counter, crossing the kitchen and stopping in front of him.

“Look at me, Frankie,” she said softly, taking his face in her hands.

His eyes found hers reluctantly.

“There are some things I’m about to say. A lot of it, you already know, but sometimes you have to hear things out loud for them to click. And some of it won’t be very nice to hear. Okay?”

He offered a small nod.

She took a deep breath, brushing her thumbs over his cheeks. “You aren’t married anymore, Frankie.”

He instantly tensed, trying to lean away, but she held him in place.

“You are divorced. You’ve been single for the better part of a year. Moving back into your old place isn’t really a possibility. You aren’t—”

A muscle in his jaw ticked. “Nita—”

“Hush. I’m not done.”

His shoulders sagged.

She studied him for a moment before continuing. “You aren’t cheating on anyone. You aren’t being unfaithful. You’re allowed to date. You can have sex with as many people as you want. You could go to a fucking orgy, if that’s what you want to do!”

He gave a strained laugh as she smiled at him.

“You don’t need to feel guilty whenever I rile you up. You’re allowed to enjoy being intimate with me. You aren’t doing anything wrong. It is perfectly alright to get a blowjob from the lady you met at the bar a few weeks ago. You know, the one who won’t shut up about how sexy you are.”

A smile curled at his mouth and he reached to give her hip a small squeeze.

She brushed a few strands of hair from his forehead, expression turning more serious. “You aren’t happy. You’re the sort of man that the world has chewed up and spit out too many times to count. And you bottle everything up. You lock everything up so tight that your only means of distraction is by forcing bad chemicals with the right effect into your brain so that everything stops hurting for a little while. I know you want to block out all of the shit that went down with you and your friends, but shoving it down isn’t helping anyone. Especially not you. You are an addict. And it’s killing you.”

She heard him take a shaky breath.

She swallowed hard, and leaned forward to press her forehead against his. “Your fucking heart stopped, Frankie.”

He let loose a sob, arms wrapping around her and pulling her close.

She hugged around his neck, hands clasped at his nape. “You need help. And you haven’t really done much to find it for yourself because you’ve become so fucking terrified of being a burden on the people around you. That’s a hard mindset to break out of, and I know it feels impossible sometimes. But people want to help. You are deserving of that help. And I’ll tell you that every fucking day until you believe it, and then I’ll keep telling you anyway.” She went up on her toes and hugged him tighter, face buried in the side of his neck as she tried to keep her voice from faltering with the tears that were rolling down to her chin. “There is a wonderful father who could talk for hours about how much he loves his daughter, and that little girl fucking deserves to have him at her side whenever she needs him.”

Frankie collapsed in on himself, ignoring the throbbing ache in his chest at the movement, shaking as he held onto her and they both cried. When his knees buckled beneath him, she helped him ease down so that they were sitting on the kitchen floor, wrapped up in each other.

They stayed there for a while, holding on as the sobs slowly quieted and the tears just turned into stiff trails on their faces.

Nita ran her fingers through his hair gently. “There’s that therapist that I go to,” she said, voice still rough. “Started seeing her back when the alcoholism was at its worst. The whole place specializes in addiction. First session is the hardest.”

“Okay,” he murmured.

She pressed a light kiss to his temple. “You can come stay with me for a while. I know you don’t like it here.”

He took a breath to say something, but she squeezed her arms around him tighter and continued

“It isn’t just when you’re alone here, Frankie. I’ve seen something in your eyes shut off when we walk in. It’s like...what this place represents in your mind. It breaks you down.”

He curled a strand of her hair around his finger absently. “Yeah,” he admitted.

She sat back enough to look at him. “Let’s pack a bag for you. I don’t care how much, just whatever you think you’ll need for the next few days. We can figure it out from there.”

He nodded lamely, clearing his throat. “Okay.”

She kissed his temple again. “We’ll stop by to pick your truck up tomorrow.”

He straightened, wincing slightly, and ran a hand down his face. “I can take it now.”

“No.”

He startled at the firmness in her voice. “Nita, I ca—”

“No,” she repeated. “I’m driving you to my house and you’re going to rest. We’ll get the truck tomorrow.” There was no room for argument.

He sat there, studying the set of her jaw and the steel in her eyes. “Alright,” he said finally.

She nodded once and stood up, offering him a hand. He took it and gritted his teeth as pain burned through his abdomen when he pulled himself up.

Resting her hands just above his elbows, she helped him steady himself. “Need to be careful with you for a while,” she said, voice light as she gave him a little smile. She rose up on her toes and pecked his cheek. “Let’s go pack you a bag.”

---------------------

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Taglist:

@zeldasayer   @beskars   @winters-buck  @the-feckless-wonder  @yodaswrinkles  @rzrcrst  @wickedfrsgrl  @roxypeanut  @mrsparknuts  @spacegayofficial  

~ Mike

[lavenderek]

fwiw i’m an A*3 volunteer - i do tag wrangling, actually - and i really do need to emphasise the fact that we are VOLUNTEERS, and there’s really nothing we can do when it comes to bigger issues re: the core of how the site runs and the values people feel it holds.

what i am really tired of is people assuming things about me because i’m a volunteer. people can be so ridiculously vitriolic - like that anon you got who was immediately at you like ‘SO YOU’RE FINE WITH CHILD ABUSE?’ is a perfect example of what i mean. no, i’m not, but i honestly do appreciate a rare space online that is *relatively* unmoderated - which is NOT to say it isn’t completely unmoderated. like you said, there are so many cultural aspects to even simple tags, and as a tag wrangler, you’re ‘trained’ on that. that’s just tag wrangling - i’m sure higher up volunteer positions also take the time and care to educate volunteers correctly on how to manage their roles.

again, though, there is fundamentally very little us volunteers can do for parts people might disagree with. we come from all walks of life and there are so many roles and we all only have so much time. fact is, the website is the way it and it’s unlikely to change beyond perhaps adding more ‘social media’ type functions, like blocking people. if you feel that there is content that is inappropriate or commenters that are inappropriate or whatever, you can report it directly to the people running the website (which i’ve personally done before for an extreme underage fic about a real life - albeit of-age - person), and i obviously didn’t check back to see if it had been removed, but i assume it was dealt with because i genuinely do have faith in the moderators. anyway, just some insight as someone who works with the site.

hey! thanks for the info actually this is really interesting. sorry about the delayed response, i saved it as a draft to come back to it later and then i got busy at work and forgot

while you're here, you mind if i ask you some questions? feel free not to answer, you're not obligated

i separated it into sections because i’m what? longwinded and easily confused

1. can this happen (has questions for you in it)

it's my understanding that the big uproar vis a vis CP fic on a*3 is more that a*3 is inadvertently creating a space where p*dophiles feel safe and can establish a following, in turn allowing them to normalize what they're doing and gain access to potential victims.

tldr, it's less "this is inappropriate" and more "the person who made this is dangerous." like, if the person who wrote that nasty fic you reported had a whole profile full of similar content and was gaining a following from it, that would be concerning.

is the overall effect a user has something that you all take into account when you're going through content on the site, or are you instructed to take the specific piece of content at face value?

and, do you think that's something it's possible to address by moderators? regardless of whether or not it’ll actually happen, do you think that is possible on this system?

and, even more optional than the other questions, if that was possible, what do you think that would look like? 

2. what is the process like on your end (has questions for you in it)

just for my own curiosity, how much leeway do you as a volunteer have over whether a fic should be reported? 

is it up to your own judgment or is there like a rubric or something? 

and what happens if the moderators decide that yeah, this fic can't be up anymore, do they remove the fic or kill the user's profile or what?

what happens if you report something, and the moderators decide it’s fine? does that reflect on you in their eyes? 

how often do you report fic? 

3. clarification of motive (does not have questions for you in it, now i’m just talking)

like i hear you that you, personally, Anon J. Wranglerton, don't have control over the site itself. the topic of CP and abuse is touchy and wigs people out because it sort of self perpetuates.

it's like that anecdote that went viral a few years ago where a bartender explained that allowing one polite n*zi into the bar leads very quickly into lots of n*zis being in the bar. people want the n*zis removed from the bar. 

i'm sorry people accuse you of being an abuse apologist because of that, i think the idea that people wouldn't really see abuse as a concern is like, actually horrifying to them lmao and i can't necessarily blame them for that in and of itself

4. if i see where they’re coming from then what’s my problem (does not have questions for you in it, now i’m just talking)

i guess i don't share that reaction because disgusting content online isn't anything new for me. i accidentally came across it all the time when i was a kid going online. i nearly fell victim to an actual predator when i was 12 or 13. thankfully, once he asked me for more personal information i was able to get scared and see some red flags. (or if he wasn’t a predator then i should probably go and find my chat room boyfriend Oukami who explained “yiffing” to me and told me to send him pictures of myself so he could make me a wolf fursona)

from my perspective, the a*3 debate looks like this: predators are a concept that is deeply embedded in every corner of the internet, and very suddenly, people are very up in arms about a very specific website having predators on it. it’s like if all of a sudden people were like, “there are customers at Target who yell at the employees. if you still shop at Target, unfollow me.” 

like, yeah, you’re right, and that’s bad, but why Target specifically, and why now, you know? 

i think predators should be made to feel extremely unsafe in fandom spaces lmao, but i also think that’s something that can only be tackled socially. playing whack-a-mole with predators is a tale as old as time.

5. online predators (does not have questions for you in it, now i’m just talking)

this is just me talking out of my ass, but my theory is that a huge component in kids today getting caught up by predators online is that the concept of anonymity and fear of strangers online has some holes in it on here.

first of all, people just a couple years younger than i am grew up on social media. that was the entire online landscape ever since myspace.

influencers use their real names and faces, and they have millions of followers and are treated like celebrities. a lot of these social networks make it extremely difficult to hide your identity at all. you sign in to youtube with your google account, which is linked to your phone and all your other accounts. instagram, twitter, facebook, and tumblr can all be connected, and a few of those apps encourage it and will interrupt you posting to be like “do you want to also put this on twitter, Firstname Lastname?” no, janet, i’m good. thank you though

this lends a certain amount of freedom to predators, because there is nothing stopping them from assessing somebody’s vulnerability and reaching out to them. 

6. online predators in fandom spaces specifically (does not have questions for you in it, now i’m just talking)

i think the fandom space cultivated on tumblr has actively contributed to that. 

look at all these blogs, they’ve got “about me” descriptions with their name, their age, a blurb about their interests, their gender identity, their romantic/sexual preferences, sometimes their fuckin myers-briggs designation. this is all expected behavior on tumblr. 

it starts as a sort of “this is my blog, here’s what i’m about,” and is compounded by like, “NTs can reblog this post but don’t say anything stupid,” or “minors DNI, how old are you,” like, you have to kind of verify that you’re “allowed,” in a sense, to participate in some conversations or interact with some posts. 

i think there’s merit in both of those things, blogs are for self expression and for interacting with likeminded users; and i don’t think it’s “gatekeeping” to stop straighties from clowning on your post about queer issues. 

but this has inadvertently created a sort of entitlement to private information. it also creates this false idea that because you and i have x and y in common, we can interact comfortably. 

it’s crucial to remember that predators aren’t all scary white men who want to visit you at home. some of them are cool 20-somethings who just happen to be normalizing sexual content with children in it. and they genuinely don’t see what they’re doing as wrong. if they’re already your friend, and you see them saying shit about how they’re not hurting anybody, it’s just pretend, it’s just a kink, then you’re probably going to sympathize with them. 

this isn’t to say, “stupid kids, they’re bringing this on themselves by oversharing to the wrong people,” because it’s neither kids’ fault nor unique to children. this kind of oversharing is taking place with all ages and kinds of people on tumblr. 

this is to say, this is what this particular subculture has caused: healthy boundaries are kind of bulldozed to make room for a kind of disorganized sense of community and morality.

7. back to CP on a*3 (does not have questions for you in it, now i’m just talking)

i think this kind of “CP is disgusting and you’re disgusting for looking at it” shit is dangerous. 

things this is NOT because of: 

CP deserves a place online

It’s A Slippery Slope, What Will They Ban Next

um, kinkshaming

there is no point in even trying to get predators off a*3

i just think it’s completely unhelpful. it’s literally a waste of their time. they’re wasting their time and hurting themselves and others in the process. it’s lacking in nuance and perspective. 

what we should be saying is “CP is a red flag. CP tells you something about the person posting it.” 

we shouldn’t be asking “are you okay with child abuse,” we should be asking, “what does this content say about the person posting it? are they unsafe to have around? if i realize too late that they’re unsafe, who can i turn to?” those are the kinds of questions we should be asking if our goal really is to protect people.

what the collection of block lists of supposed abuse apologists says is this: “you have to choose between not having to police online behavior, and proving your morals to me, a complete fucking stranger. if your morals are lacking, you’re out, we don’t speak to you anymore, and we tell everyone who will listen that you are a bad person.” 

not to delegitimize their concerns, but it’s fully just mccarthyism. like... that’s what mccarthyism was like. the fact that mccarthyism was bad isn’t even the point, it’s important to recall that mccarthyism did not work. it stopped happening for myriad reasons, one of which was that it was hurting people and wasting resources and doing absolutely nothing else. 

i obviously don’t want to be labeled “anti-american pinko scum” and fired from my job and disallowed from my neighbor’s house. who would? they’re not actually weeding out anybody dangerous, they’re just rounding people up who are just as angry as they are or who are scared of them lmfao. 

ever since that shitty post of mine went viral (which - “viral,” i guarantee it isn’t viral, i stopped looking at it literally that night) i’ve been terrified that one of these days i’m gonna like, comment on something and have the OP be like “wait a minute, you’re that bitch who made fun of some anti-a*3 people, unfollow me” lmfao. like, that’s what this rhetoric is accomplishing. 

i’m not boohooing, i deserved a slap on the wrist for making rude comments. i’m just telling you the extent of the results they’re getting. they made me feel sad. so at least there’s that. 

8. anti-a*3 people (has questions for anyone in it)

“fine, so we’re not trying to evangelize for not liking CP. so what? we don’t want people who like CP around. supporting that stuff is disgusting. we are blocking them for our own safety and don’t appreciate the tone police coming in and telling us it’s no big deal.” - an anti a*3 person, probably

yeah i mean, i get that. if i was really upset about something important and somebody told me “you’re right, but shut up about it,” i would also be pissed. 

my question, though, is this: is the underage tag on a*3 the limit we want to place on our activism against predators online? at minimum, is yelling at and blocking people about it on tumblr making us feel safer?

and also: how are we going to define the things we are trying to get rid of? what is underage? how do we account for differences in culture? how do we account for nuance when we make broad judgments? 

and also: who do we really hold responsible for this? who do we think is at fault and what do we want them to do?

i feel like we could all benefit from some perspective here.

9. back to you (has questions for you in it)

so like, is it fun? how’d you get the position? how long do you work typically?

do you talk directly with higher-ups or whatever? do you have coworkers?

do you have to read through lots of fic yourself or does stuff get reported to you and then you look at it? 

what other stuff do you report content for, aside from abusive content? like i read a post saying people shouldn’t be advertising their paypal or whatever on their a*3, do you nip stuff like that in the bud or is that something else? 

what if it’s just mistagged, presumably by human error not by a legitimate abuse of the system, what do you do? do you tag it for them or do you reach out to them and tell them to fix it or what?

who decided on the color scheme? can there be a skin that’s orange and avocado green? can you pass that on for whoever does the colors? i think i’d spend more time on any particular website if the color scheme was a nice, desaturated orange and avocado green.

nice

[sweetcatmintea]

So I’m a Vampire now...

Hello hello! It’s flash fiction Friday again! (Hurray!) Guess who still hasn’t learnt to stick to a word limit: This creature! (I’m so sorry <u<;;;;) Anyways, this kinda snuck up on me and I couldn’t think of anything better than this little vampire drabble. I hope you enjoy it!  Feedback is appreciated ^u^

FFF is hosted by @flashfictionfridayofficial

Prompt: Deep End Words: 1665

----

“And we’ll have fun fun fun unt- Michael, put the rock down.” I hoped my voice conveyed how done I was with his reaction. Michael stood, back to the old jeep his mum let him borrow when he mowed the lawn, arm raised, poised to bash my head in with a sizable chunk of concrete. Vanessa wondered back to him from the direction of the mostly closed shops, an eyebrow quirked above her glasses.

“I swear to god, put the rock down. I’m not here to gogurt you.” Why do I have to be friends with an idiot?

He held firmer to his makeshift weapon. “Prove it. I can see the blood lust in your eyes.”

I pressed a palm into my forehead. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. “Yeah, my eyes dilated. Y’know, that thing that happens when you are happy to see your friends. Go repeat bio. If I was gonna slurp your guts, I wouldn’t be singing the beach boys and waltzing up to you like a door knocker asking for money. Especially not after I asked you for a lift.”

Michael narrowed his eyes at me. “Unless that’s what you want us to think. I know you Jessie. You’re sneaky.”

“Oh my god, why are you so dumb? Vanessa, can you PLEase talk some sense into him.”

Vanessa knocked the rock out of his hand, pitching it across the desolate car park before he could react. She should go into a ball sport. I don’t know, baseball or something. It clattered somewhere in the distance.

“Michael, stop being weird. We both know Jessie could have pinned you before they got turned. Your noodle arms can barely open a particularly sturdy container. You’re just making them feel unwelcomed. And being a trashy friend.”

“All true.” I nodded. “Plus, it’s not like I chose to get turned. If that loser Josh hadn’t done me dirty last week, I’d be at home feeding my Tamagotchi. Has he even reported me missing yet?”

Michael mumbled a sheepish apology. “Sorry, I was just worried you’d gone off the deep end all blood lusty or something…”

I waved it off. I wasn’t really angry. It’s not like we’d exactly been in this situation before.

Vanessa shook her head, giving me a one-armed greeting hug which I, of course, returned. “He hasn’t mentioned it. I mean, you have been reported missing. That was a whole thing that happened with your parents and then us pretending like you weren’t texting us because how do you tell someone their kid is off getting the lowdown on being undead, but yeah, not reported by Josh.”

“What a soggy zit. I swear, when I get my hands on him.”

“You’re not going to kill him, are you?” Michael and Vanessa shared a worried look.

“What? No. Of course not! That’s disgusting. You think I’m gonna put my face hole anywhere near that slimy weasel and voluntarily drink two thirds of his blood?? Do you know how long that would even take?”

Michael rubbed the back of his neck, avoiding my eyes. “Well, I kinda thought you’d y’know, snap his neck or something now you have super strength…”

“Who’s gone off the deep end now?” I rolled my eyes. “I’m not some killing machine. I’ll just dob him in and let him flounder some explanation for how he shoved me at the burglar while we were closing up shop and ran away. He’s lucky it was a vampire and not some lunatic or I’d really be dead.”

Vanessa plopped down on a concrete chock block, sipping her bubble tea and settling in for a long conversation. It was wild, I could hear the jelly in the cup squishing together. Michael sat to her side, patting the ground to invite me to complete the triangle. I obliged.

Vanessa started us off. “So what’s it like? Being all vampirey now?”

“Well, I’ve got cool powers now. Not the powers of being cool, I already had that.”

It was Michael’s turn to roll his eyes at me. I elbowed him in the ribs. Gently. Breaking bones had become a real danger. He snorted a laugh, almost shooting red bull up his nose.

“I got these neato glow in the dark eyes. Don’t know if you can turn that off. They do the cat slit thing though which is interesting. I can see So much more at night. But I think I need reading glasses now? Can’t make out squat near my face in the day.”  

Shuffling around in the pockets of my oversized 90s jacket, I retrieved a packet of dried wasabi peas and munched away as I talked.

“I’m like, crazy strong. No kidding, I accidentally ripped my favourite jeans on the second day of being a vampire. Just tugged them a liiiittle too hard and bam, ruined pants.”

“Have you got fangs?” Vanessa peered closer at my mouth. It would have been better to ask that before I started eating.

“Fangs for the memories, even if they weren’t so- nah, I’m just kidding. I got them.” I bared my teeth at them, poking the lengthened canines with an index finger. “They’re sharp as anything. I’ve drunk more of my own blood than anyone else’s ‘cause I keep biting my freaking tongue. Reminds me of being little and sucking a candy cane into a shank. I’m surprised none of us got an impromptu festive tongue piercing off those things.”

“Speaking of blood… Do you need to drink it now?” They both leaned forward, anxious for my answer.

“Oi, quit it with the looks. I’m not going to freaking bite you. I’m not some mindless animal, I’m just me. Just Jessie.”

“Is there a difference there?” Michael’s ribbing was, for once, welcome.

“Hardy har. Yes, I mean, technically, I have to consume blood. But, like, the pamphlet seems to say that it’s basically a supplement more than anything so I’ve just gotta eat normal stuff and chuck back a shot or two after.”

“Okay, two things. First, human blood?”

“Again. Eww. Do you have any idea how many diseases are in human blood? There’s a reason we haven’t literally eaten the rich yet. To be fair, I’m somewhat immortal now so I won’t get sick physically, but emotionally? Imagine the toll.”

“So how do you..?”

“You know you can just go to the butchers and buy blood right? It’s like an actual cooking ingredient. It comes in blocks. It tastes like satan’s toe jam but you just gotta chuck it back real quick. Or, I’m getting a fondness for black pudding. It too tastes like feet but isn’t as bad.”

Vanessa took a thoughtful sip of her drink. “Okay. Second thing. Pamphlet?”

“Oh yeah, this thing.” I fished it out of my other pocket, passing it to them. The vampire pr committee went to great lengths to make it cute with little cartoon vampires giving advice on this time of change, talking about how your body is changing and the strange things you may feel.

“Aww that’s super cute.” Vanessa pointed to a little vampire on the cover, handing it to Michael when she was finished skimming.

“I know right. Apparently they got tired of the old program where you get bitten and have to have an awkward talk with the weirdo who kinda killed you.”

Michael handed the pamphlet back. “Speaking of, what was it like living with a vampire for a week?”

I groaned. “Oh my god, he was insufferable. At first it was like ‘I vill show you ze vorld, shining shimmering splendour va ha ha’ which was neat but then it got all ‘I’ve turned you into a monster! You will suffer for eternity! Woe is ze life of an immortal. I am so sorry va ha ha’. Which I’m like, yeah you could have at least asked my name first or waited for my hair to grow out a little instead of sticking me with this too short for the long style, too long for the short style do I’ve gotta rock for the rest of time, but all in all, it’s not the worst that could happen so chill a little maybe?”

“Aw, poor guy. He doesn’t sound that bad.” Vanessa was much less, judgey, than me. I kinda felt bad for ripping on the man.

“Okay, he’s not terrible, but the lamenting. God, the lamenting. ‘Woe is me, I have seen so many seasons I can not even remember my age.’ Why don’t you just get a calculator and subtract this year from your birth year? Then you can know that bit. ‘Oh, but ze isolation! My human friends are long dead and buried!’ That’s super sucky bro. Why don’t you make some new friends and ask if they want to be turned? Or like, go on immortalsingles.com and get a butt touch buddy? With the internet age, it’s a lot easier to connect. ‘oh but who could love a monster like me? I haven’t even seen my face in five hundred years va ha ha.’ There is a Whole genre of people online (and in line) for that. And just, update your mirrors. Get a cheap one and it won’t have silver in it and you can see your face again. I kinda think he just enjoys lamenting. If he’d get with the times, things wouldn’t be half as unpleasant for him.”

“You’re not a very empathetic listener, are you.” That’s a lot coming from the guy who was going to stone me fifteen minutes ago.

“Hey! I hooked him up to the internet and gave him my number. I didn’t just leave him.”

“Yeah yeah yeah. Whatever you say Jessie.” Michael got up, brushing his jeans off and stretching. Vanessa and I followed suit. One thing remained on my mind. Something I needed to prepare myself for.

“Okay, before we head home, I have one last, very important question.”

They looked at me quizzically.

“Has anyone been looking after my Tamagotchi?”  

-----

Tag List

@snobbysnekboi, @inkovert, @kainablue, @i-rove-rock-n-roll, and @goblin-writer

[fortheheavenssake]

PG MM Anon Interpretation Collection- 9

59: Sept. 14

💜💜🙏🏻🙏🏻PG INTERPRETATION OF MM ANON 🙏🏻🙏🏻💜💜 sorry it’s so late l really am l just am struggling with a flu bug on top of everything else lots of 💜💜💜💜🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻💜💜💜t

💜💜🙏🏻🙏🏻THANK YOU MM ANON 🙏🏻🙏🏻💜💜

MM Anon

MM ANON … From rush- her with love … five ways from SUNday… Britain will Trump Canada … Es-Pee-anarge … under-COVER… 2 many Players… that’s a very deep rabid hole…Em eye six…… “ follow the money “ …… The Queens signature was unconstitutional …… The PM is f#@%d. …… any of them…… ⚖️🇬🇧🇨🇦♟😱😱😱……… game ,set and hatch.

From rush- her with love

From Russia With Love, old Bond film, l prefer the old ones. Remember Kazan anyone?? The lookalike of mm has her photo taken by a chap just out taking photos? He remarked she looked exactly like mm with the exception of a mole being on the opposite side of her face. TP1 mentioned Kazan. Was that our girl in there with a billionaire oligarch yachting? I have seen the photo, she does resemble mm greatly. Or just exactly who is mm? Does Russia possess secret knowledge/videos of our girl that they have been holding over her? Have they been releasing information into the media? Sure fact none of this has anything to do with love.

five ways from SUNday

She is “screwed” in very which way possible, literally and metaphorically. The capitalization of SUN leads one to believe The Sun newspaper has a big story going to break. I think many others are in the same boat in our Ortis, the Intelligence Head who arrested.

Britain will Trump Canada

All the spies who loved me.“ Britain with Russian murdering people on their soil and attempting to, the who Trump issue that’s been going on for years, just who was spying on whom? Now Canada has this tremendous international five eyes security nightmare , where the Head of the Intelligence unit at the RCMP office in Ottawa charged by his own force with violating national security by allegedly leaking government secrets. What was a citizen, non-military of law enforcement doing in that position? What has he all stolen and given to heaven knows who. It was a tip from Trump’s government to Canada that led to this arrest. Thank you Mr. Trump!

So if l read this clue correctly, the word trump means to one up, so it is sounding like Britain is having its own internal governmental issues that will surpass what is happening in our country, Canada.🇨🇦

Es-Pee-anarge

Espionage, it’s suddenly here, there and everywhere. If you recall several years ago, there was a request made, of a former agent who now works privately, to do a dossier on Mr.Trump. This has since infamously been called the Steele Dossier, the gentleman’s name is Christopher Steele. Amongst a myriad of information in that file, you can read it online, l,believe it’s still publicly available, just google it. In part of that dossier it alleges that when Mr. Trump was in Moscow for the beauty contest he owned, Putin offered him the best prostitutes in the world, he, confirmed by his own prime security man whose name escapes me just now, both denied he used any such services. However in the dossier, there are references, especially seedy one to the U.S. public was the fact he enjoyed prostitutes, sorry for this, it them peeing on each other etc etc. So that is part of the clue, l felt the need to share that. I truly apologize if anyone was offended.

under-COVER

Undercover means subterfuge, pretending to be part of something to gather information or evidence. This is most used with police or investigation contexts although since we are talking spied, that as well

Here we have under -COVER. Cover all caps, what’s the meaning? Cover of the newspaper or magazine, a cover story? All are possibles.

2 many Players

2, does that mean only two players are most important? Or does this simply mean too many are involved . I highly doubt with MM ANON that the use of 2 doesn’t have a deeper meaning and that Players is capitalized. Players is a cigarette in Canada. This is definitely such a complex international web l cannot keep my head straight, kudos to those doing the leg work and the mental work to put this all together and bring those to justice who need being arrested.

… that’s a very deep rabid hole

This hole keeps getting mentioned, now it’s not rabbit but rabid, can be the obvious an animal or person for that matter, afflicted with hydrophobia in humans or rabies as it’s more commonly known in animals. It can also mean having or proceeding from an extreme or fanatical thoughts, supports, belief in something. Sugars anyone?? The level on international investigations seem to coincide with madam, but l have a strong hunch things were ongoing prior but she brought with her a lot of similar circles that she yachted in. The hole is indeed deep, one wonders how on earth this all will end.

Em eye six

MI6. Hello chums! The Secret Intelligence Service (SIS), commonly known as MI6, is the foreign intelligence service of the government of the United Kingdom, tasked mainly with the covert overseas collection and analysis of human intelligence (HUMINT) in support of the UK’s national security. SIS is a member of the country’s intelligence community and its Chief is accountable to the country’s Foreign Secretary. The mere mention of this, is overtly telling us that MI6 is and has been involved and we should rest assured that they are doing the hard, dangerous work needing doing. Thank you for all the work that you do to keep the rest of us safe!

“ follow the money “

As l, and many many others have said, and indeed the mantra of law enforcement, money laundering etc etc follow the money trail. There is always a record kept and, in the U.S. for example if you withdraw or move around over a certain amount without proper explanation, the financial institution fills out a form, l just can’t recall the name, l am sorry, but it triggers a reaction in the system to check into it. In our case, follow the money, who are the backers, where did her money come from. I am quite certain they have that well in hand.

The Queens signature was unconstitutional

As a law-abiding citizen Boris Johnson must sign and send the letter requesting a further extension to the Brexit deadline. However, he is perfectly entitled to send a covering letter that makes it clear that it was written, not by him, but by a member or members of the opposition parties in the House of Commons; that he signed it under duress; that it represents neither his views nor those of the Cabinet; and that the next Conservative government would be committed to leaving the European Union.The Queen’s signature on the signing of the Royal assent on the Benn Act was about making ‘no deal’ not a possibility, pushed through in haste before Parliament was prorogued, later that very evening. When Article 50 was invoked, ‘no deal’ was part of that invocation and passed as law.

On 29 March 2017, the UK invoked Article 50 of the Treaty on European Union (TEU). On March 16,2017 HMTQ signed Article 50 into law which cleared the way that formally started talks to leave the EU.which began the withdrawal, commonly known as BREXIT, by the way see the film Brexit with Benedict Cumberbatch, it’s great, l believe l have recommended that before! In compliance with the TEU, the UK gave formal notice to the European Council of its intention to withdraw, from the EU to allow withdrawal negotiations to begin.

The PM is f#@%d.

Refer the above, by proroguing parliament, No deal was signed into law. UNCONSTITUTIONAL per the BREXIT REFERENDUM!

any of them

Any or all of them. Who are all suspect, who will be the next. Any of the ‘five eyes’ countries may have arrests to be made.

⚖️🇬🇧🇨🇦♟😱😱😱

The justice systems of the U.K. and Canada are each dealing with security/national/international issues. Why the chess piece? It’s a game of cat and mouse literally. And once the legal dust settle people will be both shock and horrified by what is made public. The information sealed would be too much for people to handle l believe. I would not want to be making those decisions. Security services of the U.K,, Canada, U.S., Australia and New Zealand are collectively known as ‘the five eyes’. They are all interactive, information sharing to keep us all safe as possible on an international level. You must read about these things and educate yourself.

game ,set and hatch.

Game, set, match is the usual phrase. The spy game, trap is set and 🐣 hatch, something is born of the trap. Now we’re not talking babies here, although there was a fascinating case in the U.S. back 20 years a pair of Russian agents lived covertly as a married couple in America. They even went so far as having two children. When they were finally arrested the children were traumatized they had no idea. They tried to seek refuge in Canada, the children, but if my memory serves, they were extradited to Russia. THATS how far these things go folks, please be aware of what’s happening in our world, l beg you.!

GSTQAOBC 🇨🇦

So sorry you are feeling poorly once again! We so appreciate you doing the riddle, as we know you struggle! Prayers for you dear PG! Wow! This is fascinating stuff….we are learning so much! Thank you🙏🏻💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜🙏🏻💜💜💜💜💜🙏🏻💜

Ask Skippy submission

53 notes

Sep 14th, 2019

———————

60: Sept. 16

💜💜🙏🏻🙏🏻PG INTERPRETATION OF MM ANON🙏🏻🙏🏻💜💜

I am sorry it’s sooooo late, l had checked earlier and there was no riddle. PLEASE this is far from my best work, l apologize in advance

💜💜🙏🏻🙏🏻THANK YOU MM ANON🙏🏻🙏🏻💜💜 I had checked with Skippy late afternoon and there was no riddle, now, so late l came on and saw the riddle. Folks, l am tired and this will be far from my best work, l apologize.

MM Anon

MM ANON, ………”fi fi faux fum”…… happy birthday …… 🎼 “The baby ‘as gouuun daun the plugole ‘again “🎼 …… sticks and stones …… “ honestly Mater it had nothing to do with me”…… amazingly illiterate …… Ahhhh !!!!! , no longer hidden…… 🎼 the wonderful wizard of Oz 🎼…… leave this one to William …… “ that sir is your prerogative “

”fi fi faux fum”

Fe fi faux gum, l smell the blood of an Englishman. Might this be BOJO. Running from country to country seeking help to cover up his blunder at misleading HMTQ? Court rules Tuesday, but it may be a political decision not a legal one, what a quandary. His blood pressure must be sky high. HMTQ, this is the very last thing she needs now!!

happy birthday

HAPPY 35TH BIRTHDAY HARRY! I remember clearly waiting for your arrival. How beautiful your mum looked leaving the Linda Wing in red and white, precious memories. I hope you had a blessed wonderful day!

🎼 “The baby ‘as gouuun daun the plugole ‘again “🎼

The song is a traditional Mother’s Lament. Having too many children, they’re all skeletal thin. She was bathing one and turned round for the soap and the babe slipped away down the drain, gone forever but not lost. Who’s is the mother who has too many and loses one? I wonder if this is a lament for Prince Harry not having his mother here for his birthday. I wonder also if this is meaning something quite literal, l , no offence to anyone, wonder if this is referencing voluntary termination of a pregnancy by madam. Just pure speculation on my part.

Sticks and stones.

Sticks and stones, may break my bones, but names will never hurt me. So deflect away, all the negative press doesn’t matter.

Madam just carries on with everything, water off a ducks back$$$££££€€ keeps rolling in.

“ honestly Mater it had nothing to do with me”

Mater is old English for mother but l am positive l have seen or heard that term used elsewhere, l just am drawing a blank. Who is the Mater of England and the U.K., and Commonwealth? HMTQ. Who is telling her he didn’t do it? Is this referencing BOJO again L trying to earnestly say he didn’t intentionally mislead her??

amazingly illiterate

Word salad again by madam on the birthday Instagram for HRH Prince Harry. Nothing eve changes or improves. Read one of her twitter feeds, yikes , now those are a lesson in not how to use the English language!

Ahhhh !!!!! , no longer hidden

What’s no longer hidden?? Clear face of baby Archie in newly released photo today on the Sussex Instagram, with a collage of photos of Prince Harry. There do appear to be some ‘oddities’ in this yet again black and white photo.

🎼 the wonderful wizard of Oz 🎼

Prince Edward has completed his tour of Malaysia and is headed to Australia. The song is from the film with Judy Garland, one of my faves, about a young girl and friends she meets along the way to see the great and powerful wizard in the land of Oz.Oz is a nickname for Australia.

leave this one to William

William is sound, and l have a very strong hunch working very closely with LG. William is the one who will be King.

“ that sir is your prerogative “

Prerogative means a right or privilege exclusive to a particular individual or class, or in British Law, arising from the prerogative of the Crown (usually delegated to the government or the judiciary) and based in common law rather than statutory law. So if this referencing the prorogued parliament and the PM’s choices?

GSTQAOBC 🇨🇦

Thank you dear PG….it looks wonderful! Amazing once again. We so appreciate you doing this for us. Prayers and hugs to you!😊💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

Ask Skippy submission

31 notes

Sep 16th, 2019

———————

61: Sept. 16

💜💜🙏🏻🙏🏻PG INTERPRETATION OF MM ANON🙏🏻🙏🏻💜💜

💜💜💜🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻THANK YOU MM ANON🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻💜💜💜

MM Anon

MM ANON …… “What!!! , cook him bloody breakfast “… Another Firm message …… the African question … … “ he’s hiding behind your skirts “ …… an oz apology … a noticeable habit …… “ They have all gone quiet”…… VB’” “piss off David, she’s the kiss of death” …… “Do it on the QT”. …… it’s a palace directive …… “ Have you read the comments on SM” …… he’s putting on a brave face.

“What!!! , cook him bloody breakfast “

This morning, on her twitter , one of a few, she posted the bespoke breakfast she cooked for her husband including blood sausage and she said she had a bowl of fruit😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣. I won’t give the two accounts l know of , because l don’t want trouble.

Another Firm message

The palace is know as the Firm, those who run the show, poor choice of word l know, but it’s the truth. The disaster that is BOJO running now to various EU countries to get them to vote no, so he doesn’t have to make a request of them for a Brexit extension. The Queen is Firm, the will of the people should be heeded. The issue will be brought to court today, but in the end it may not be a legal issue that they can deal with, it may come down to a political one. Then, this constitutional crisis becomes a disaster. With all HMTQ is dealing, for him to put her in this position at this point in Her reign is unconscionable!!!

the African question

The trip to Africa will she go?? Thus far the itinerary l have read refers specifically to PH. The bigger and more important relationship building question is will Angola join the Commonwealth. They made verbal comments last year that they wanted to. Whilst there PH will have private meetings with various leaders and work towards that goal. It would be a great thing for him to achieve as diplomatic duty has not really been in his wheelhouse. He has been great at relating to people and developing charities such as the Invictus Games, and Sentebale in Botswana with Prince Seeiso which was founded in 2006.

“ he’s hiding behind your skirts “

Is this reference to PA, spending time at Balmoral and was seen Sunday going to Craithie Kirk with HMTQ? Hiding from questions, demands, and interviews from law enforcement all potentially waiting in the wings.

an oz apology

Strong rumours whilst PH and mm were on their tour she was VERY rude to staff and , l believe the High Commissioners wife was told to f*** off. PA, since then made a pit stop there for apologies. I do believe on PE current visit further apologies perhaps even written one from HMTQ were extended to ensure relationships stay strong. Just imagine spewing foul language could potentially destroy years of harmony.

a noticeable habit

We have, most of us here, notice when PH is with her or on her outings he wears grey suit, old shoes. When he has been on his own representing HMTQ he is so well dressed and appears so much more contented.

“ They have all gone quiet”

The Markle’s have all gone quiet again. Papa popped up as a distract awhile ago. But since then, crickets 🦗, nothing, except her nephew becoming a millionaire selling pot he gave his family name to.

VB’” “piss off David, she’s the kiss of death”

VB, has now started a cosmetics line. As a professional collector of high end cosmetics, l can say my reaction and online is very lack lustre. David has had to spend millions and what l have read tens of millions bailing out her fashion line. Let me step back, sorry, VB Victoria Beckham, former Spice Girl posh, is married to footballer David Beckham. I am wondering if he suggested having madam model clothes and cosmetics, as you can see she didn’t like the idea.🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂😂😂

“Do it on the QT”.

QT means quiet, unobtrusively, so something is to be done in that manner. It is surveillance of madam? Since returning from ‘fauxmegnancy’ leave she has been out and about more, and we love it! The more pressing issue which l am not certain is the security threat assessment in Afghanistan which is ongoing ahead of their tentative tour there. This is a non Commonwealth country but relationship building is important but security and safety must be paramount. Those are my two thoughts possible.

it’s a palace directive

Buckingham Palace staff have been instructed to alert guests who have audiences with HMTQ NOT to bring up PH or mm. Very firm directive to ‘Talk about anything except one subject.’ Brexit? ‘No. The Sussexes.“ Rumours are Queen is growing tired of Meghan’s snubbing of Royal Family occasions.

The Mail on Sunday understands the Queen was 'hurt and disappointed’ when Meghan made a last-minute dash to New York to watch Serena Williams in the tennis instead of joining the Royals in Balmoral as planned. The annual Highland holiday is the Queen’s favourite time of the year and she was, according to a source, looking forward to 'a few days of merry chaos’ with the great-grandchildren, including Archie.

Have you read the comments on SM”

The vast , Major, huge, majority on social media worldwide are just loathing, mistrust, disbelief, disgust, and on and on about madam, the way she conducts herself. Now this Smart Set, using the name of a Canadian company, Reitmans, she worked with in Toronto. This capsule collection, contains limited sizes, dresses were old stock from 2018 that never sold, the white blouse l believe from a 2015 collection that didn’t sell. The bag ridiculously expensive with a backstory that can be found online, l won’t put it here, but pure vindictiveness.

he’s putting on a brave face.

This is PH. He is doing his duty, and doing it well. He has been at it for quite some time. I have no doubt he has very healthy distractions, supportive loving family and lots of us here supporting him and believing in him!

GSTQAOBC 🇨🇦

Thank you so much PG! This is sounding great…always the best from you we get my dear PG! God Bless you!🙏🏻💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

Ask Skippy submission

27 notes

Sep 16th, 2019

—————————

62. Sept. 18

💜💜🙏🏻🙏🏻PG INTERPRETATION OF MM ANON AND PRAYER REQUEST 🙏🏻🙏🏻💜💜

🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻As l was working on this, l got a call regarding a friends mother, l am desperately asking for prayers. She is 55, teacher planning to retire at Christmas l she had the flu, went tomER last night, the queue was hours so they went home. Today she had a massive heart attack, air ambulance flew out, she was too unstable for a flight journey but was driven to a bigger hospital. She is in I.C.U. Likely brain damage. Please pray for her adult children madly trying to fly in from across North America. She has two step children here. 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

💜💜🙏🏻🙏🏻THANK YOU MM ANON🙏🏻🙏🏻💜💜

MM Anon

skippyv20

MM ANON …”I have a nose for these problems … M Andealerson… seek Professional assistance …… Anonymously helped … EXAMINE THE WEDDING GUESTS!!!……… One family member of dubious provenance …… A disgusted dignity … “Look closer old thing”…Harried into it… “ both well hidden”. … A homing instinct

”I have a nose for these problems

Interesting, the usage of the word has the obvious meaning of the part of the face but it can also mean someone can use their instinct or ‘spidery sense’ to detect something. In this clue, MM ANON 💜💜💜💜💜💜YOU, This is so cleverly telling us what we have been speculating and down right knowing, given her behaviour, her nose appearance etc that substance , sniff sniff, is a massive problem. Probably has been for years we are just getting official confirmation now that this is correct. Thank you for that MM ANON, because we no longer have to assume, we now know it to be fact!

M Andealerson

Well,well, well, looks whose name, sort of, has popped up after being MIN for months now. So the insertion of the letters eal in his name combined with the letter d in his name spells deal which has long been my, and many others, suspicion that this vile disgusting man has flipped and made a deal. Just imagine this stuff he has on his ‘guests’, the wealthy, the Hollywood elite, who was his backer? My heavens , l feel confident now this is why he has been off the radar. He is in custody, protective or otherwise.

The other thing that jumps out is dealer, likely not dealing cards at a casino🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣. He very likely has supplied madam and a whole slew of other a variety of candy.

seek Professional assistance

Obviously there has been some detox or intervention in the past year, because she has been out of the public and the clues we have been given here told us where she was receiving medical treatment likely for substances. She needs a team, medical, psychiatrist, legal, etc etc etc.

Anonymously helped

Again, anonymous is mentioned, this was mention a few days ago ? Days or week, l have lost track of time with the flu bug and resulting exhaustion l anyhow, this again l believe refers to our beloved 🐼 her blog, and her almost three year fight to be a truth seeker in this unholy alliance. Folks, just so you know, l NEVER EVER use the word Holy, lightly! Lots of information here has shown up in the papers so interesting. Just imagine who must read here!

Or is someone anonymously filling her bank account to keep her afloat? We know out popped HRC in an instagram, why? Why? Why is she wading into these deep dark waters??????

EXAMINE THE WEDDING GUESTS!!!

Well, we have, everyone, spoke how odd it was that she had no long term friends at her wedding and no family except DR. Where is DR? We are still trying to figure out who she really is, that fake photo of her supposedly holding baby madam , her head is photoshopped on there so crookedly it looks so bizarre. But l digress again. Those at the wedding made no sense she, like, OW , GC AC, et al. A line up of backers right across from the Queen smugly gloating over their victory in HMTQ church. Disgusting l GC has had his own problems for years now, why do you think he lives in Italy and a beard marriage. Look up that term, educate yourself please on what is really going on! The rumour are swirling and becoming more widely known! Imagine the unmitigated gall! The entire guest list on her side is suspect, we have LR , and the other lady whose name l forget sorry easily googleable for you. They were with her at Wimbledon when she was so ‘stoned/high/ill’ l think she’s got some serious issues! They had to be on either side propping her up, telling her to put her hat on and smile. Anyhow, for me, the uppercase use in this clue affirms for us that we have been and are on the right track in our discussions about what is really going on.

One family member of dubious provenance

Well well again, we have all discussed this a million ways. Who is mm? Who is DR? Are they real who they say they are? Why TM hiding oops living in Mexico? Where is DR? As l mentioned above the baby photo is so suspect. As with baby amw, her past ‘family’ photos are fuzzy, bizarre. Who is she really? She was raised by TM after a certain age, l can’t recall. Where was DR? We have no confirmed information on that. Is she really her mother? Are any of these people really in the role they say they are?sister or mother, mother or grandmother, or not related at all. With the exception, especially at TTC madam resembled DR tremendously, so there is definitely some DNA shared. It’s all such a sham of grifters and liars. The only way you know they’re lying is when they talk or write. At this point, actually a long time ago, we all have expressed our doubts.Thank you MM ANON for again confirming our ideas and thoughts about her provenance are correct and we shall continue our digging into the past.

A disgusted dignity

HMTQ, greatest respect and honour , as She does, has quietly gone about doing her duty, getting up every day, carrying on. This Brexit stress on top on madam, l pray for HMTQ. Dignity is the perfect word to describe HMTQ. But bear in mind, we were told in the media and many posting here, HMTQ suffers no fools lightly, and Her royal command is NO MENTION OF THOSE TWO when you speak with her, should you be so fortunate.

.“Look closer old thing”

This confuses me, l cannot imagine even PP calling HMTQ ‘old thing’. Does this mean look closer at something old. Look closer at photos? Seeing the photoshop? Look closer at facts? Putting information together, seeing things in a different light??

Harried into it… “

Let’s review the definition of harried. Harried means feeling strained as a result of having demands persistently made on one or harassed. It does not take much imagination to think of the level of harassment PH has suffered from she who shall not be named and the media. Is this the wedding or having to continue this charade?

“ both well hidden”.

I am hesitant to give words to this out of respect to a certain prince we know and love.

A homing instinct.

A homing instinct is an instinct that enables an animal to return home after travelling great distances. Like our great Canadian geese migrating, man that is something to see, flock after flock, millions of them filling the sky, you can hear them too, it’s one of God’s miracles. People have a homing instinct as well, nesting is common for women who are pregnant and nearing delivery. There is also something called a homing device which is a mechanism incorporated into a guided missile, airplane, etc., that aims it toward its objective.

So this clue, who has the homing instinct, is it PH who is giving all for HMTQ?

GSTQAOBC 🇨🇦

First….Prayers indeed for your friend’s mother. How very sad!

Great job once again PG! Love what you do….learn so much from you, you are loved and appreciated!😊💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

Ask Skippy submission

41 notes

Sep 18th, 2019

————————

63: Sept. 18

💜💜🙏🏻🙏🏻PG INTERPRETATION OF MM ANON 🙏🏻🙏🏻💜💜

💜💜🙏🏻🙏🏻PG thanking you for all your prayers and sympathy for the family. It’s greatly appreciated 🙏🏻🙏🏻💜💜

💜💜🙏🏻🙏🏻PG INTERPRETATION OF MM ANON🙏🏻🙏🏻💜💜

Thank you MM ANON💜💜🙏🏻🙏🏻💜💜

MM Anon

MM ANON … Pakistan ‘ Mmmm!!………🎼”coca cola , ginger beer and Canada Dry”🎼…… “put on the hat ‘ hug the orphan and SMILE!!”…… “try not to swear at the Diplomats wives”…… “if you wear those to the reception ………O’f*** “……… diamond deal…… “It started at SH. it’ll end in Malibu “… “ She’s going to what?, a f#@ing politician”…… number 4 Kate??( another little girl). 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

Pakistan ‘ Mmmm!!

This is the planned trip for William and Catherine to visit Pakistan.Very few details have been released, the security issue is massive. The British foreign office is still recommending that its citizens avoid travel to that part of the world. I know relationship building is important, but the security risks makes me pray they reconsider this.

🎼”coca cola , ginger beer and Canada Dry”🎼

MM ANON what you do to me! I find nowhere these song lyrics, you have them in quotation marks so they must stay together. For lack of that, l will say this, coca-cola is the all American soda, ginger beer is classic in Jamaica, where TI wedding was, that she crashed and Canada Dry is our national drink other than beer😂😂😂😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣. Each beverage is reflective of a portion of her life, America, Toronto, and Jamaica. Please tell me what song this is!!! Driving me batty(or battier, at this point🤣🤣🤣).

“put on the hat ‘ hug the orphan and SMILE!!”

This is a similar incident at Wimbledon, surrounded by two ‘friends’ who had to tell her to put on her hat and to smile. How will she manage her hobbies in Africa? How will she manage anything official? Will she have friends accompanying her?? Interesting times. We love seeing her because we get more information, SpongeMeg gets more material 🤣🤣🤣😂😂 and we further our work here of truth-seeking and telling.

“try not to swear at the Diplomats wives”

During their first tour in Australia and that part of the world, there were multitude of reports of her foul language and disrespect of staff. I mentioned the other day she told the High Commissioner’s, l believe it was her, told her to f*** off. Both PA and now PE on his tour now have being making amends for her abhorrent behaviour. So hopefully she will take this piece of advice and apply it on the Africa tour.

“if you wear those to the reception

Usually she looks horrendous, no matter the designer or cost of the clothes. They are likely working on her wardrobe for the tour. This is shock at what she wants to wear. Again this is an exact repeat of the Australian tour, then she wanted to wear a tuxedo, pants to an official reception dinner. That time PH said absolutely not, no way, she did not wear a tuxedo. Goodness only knows what she is conjuring up for this tour!

O’f*** “

There is an apostrophe, so O’hara for example, but this is an apostrophed vulgar word, never ever used in civil conversation, ever! So is this an expletive or something with an apostrophe?

diamond deal

This girl has so many different engagement rings and wedding rings it’s hilarious, all fakes, butterfly earrings fake, bangle bracelet fake. She is marching these things we know she would merch her exhaling if she could. So she has likely made yet another merching deal. Africa is known for many precious gems especially diamonds and the worst are blood diamonds. Oh goodness, if she is involved with those, l can honestly say l would not be surprised but ever so disgusted. Wonder if she’s dealing down there and somehow gets in trouble with the law, might this FINALLY BRING her under legal control. Since it’s Africa, she could never scream the race card!

“It started at SH. it’ll end in Malibu “

Soho is where mm began her journey that has led her to where she is now, along with the connections she made there. Rumours are rampant that they are looking for a mansion in Malibu versus another location for its privacy and younger set that lives there. Does ANYBODY believe this PR? I am waiting……crickets 🦗, yep just as l thought, NOBODY believes this.🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂😂😂

“ She’s going to what?, a f#@ing politician”

Rumours have been around awhile now oh her going into politics and l have even read, 🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣 hold on, l can’t say it without side splitting laughter…..rumours of her running for president. Bloody delusional eh? HRH PP. This is hilarious to me!

number 4 Kate??( another little girl). 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

Speculation has been rampant that Catherine is expecting based on her hairstyle change, gossip supposedly from little Lottie. I hope she is and let’s pray with all we have that it’s a girl.🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻 l am taking this to mean she is indeed expecting!🥳🥳🥳🥳🥰🥰🥰🥰

GSTQAOBC 🇨🇦

Fantastic PG…..looks like interesting times ahead! Great job. Thank you dear PG😄💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

Ask Skippy submission

22 notes

Sep 18th, 2019

———————-/

64: Sept. 19

💜💜🙏🏻🙏🏻PG INTERPRETATION OF MM ANON🙏🏻🙏🏻💜💜

💜💜🙏🏻🙏🏻THANK YOU MM ANON🙏🏻🙏🏻💜💜

MM Anon

MM ANON … a no no in the via xx settembre … silent flight …… “Harry’s gone rogue”? …… a lying express-ion… disaster aPRon disaster …… “we’re gonna need a smaller pub” …… W&K, higher and higher …… 🎼” ba ba Iran”🎼……” ones sick and tired of being sick and tired “…… “ Tower Bridge is in negotiations” …… the long con…… Plod-ing along …… tying up loose ends.

a no no in the via xx settembre

Settembre is September in Italian. A bestie Misha NoNoo, is getting married in Italy this weekend. EA printed that the Sussexes had reportedly arrived there. This is telling me that they are NOT attending, because the play on words of Misha’s last name two no’s via XX, l am taking this to mean two people.

silent flight

Flight to Africa will be absolutely silent, l have no doubt there will be absolutely not a civil word spoken!

“Harry’s gone rogue”?

The media has gone rogue more like. They are printing such awful things, his mental health Apple TV focus with the big O. The media and lots of the public are voicing their disgust at their perception of PH giving in to everything she wants. He is at the receiving end of unprecedented bad press.

a lying express-ion

The Express has doubled Dow, tripled down or more on their foul media regarding the Cambridge’s. The article about Catherine spending an unbelievable amount of money on clothes more than madam, which is documented to be untrue. SS 🐍 lying, vile, vipers. It’s going to get worse NOT better. Please let’s remember to pray for them. The business paper is increasing their criticism too, paper/media once thought respectable, money buys anything l guess!

disaster aPRon disaster

A PRathon is right MM ANON! Item after item, but by bit, the public is slowly getting information about what’s really going on, and what has been going on, what led to this charade and sham. Her twitters are BEYOND PATGETIC🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂😂😂😂🤣. Bit by bit, madam, drip, drip, tick tick, time is getting closer. You should read The Raven by Edgar Allen Poe!

“we’re gonna need a smaller pub”

Fake fake fakity fake empty pub photos, no baby cot, but the “sussexes’ and amw went to their local. Now this was ‘reported’ over a week ago if not longer. The owners of the pub deny this. TMZ has fuzzy photos look like taken from my Kodak instamatics with the row of flashbulbs🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂. Remember those anybody? The meta data, again showed lies, dates September 17,2019. Yes madam you’re really getting your moneys worth with SS.🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂😂😂😂

W&K, higher and higher

The Cambridges💜💜💜💜💜! Their Instagram passed 10,000,000! This week! TEN MILLION PEOPLE,🥰🥰🥰🥰🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳💜💜💜💜💜AWESOME,,

🎼” ba ba Iran”🎼…

Barbra Ann , Beach Boys! Oh MM ANON you’re so clever, THIS SONG l knew right away😁😁😁😁💜💜💜😁😁😁. So Iran, given what’s been happening, l will not type it all, if you so choose, educate yourself please oh what is happening in that part of the world. Is this going to affect the trip to Pakistan???

” ones sick and tired of being sick and tired “

Indeed, speaking in first person format is always, only the Crown. HMTQ is feeling as described above. Please, let us pray for her, strength, health, discernment. Thank God LG is with her. GSTQAOBC 🇨🇦.

“ Tower Bridge is in negotiations”

BRF have code names, l believe PP is Tower Bridge, so this is telling us that he is involved, he is smart as a whip, has a lifetime of experience dealing with very sort of problem, he has certainly been ever present here in riddle clues. I imagine his wisdom has been indispensable!

the long con

This has been and remains a long term game. The planning of this con started years ago. The backers got together and came up with this plane. Our madam went rogue and changed the plot. Continues to con, grift her way through Europe and Africa. The more she does, the more we see her, more evidence. These types of international investigations take a very very long time and we want it done 100% right , so justice will be served!

Plod-ing along

Plod, horses plod in their gait, both HMTQ and PP love to ride, he loves his buggy, pardon if that’s not the right word! To see them on those massive horses is tremendous, there is a real love of animals and the outdoors and must be especially therapeutic in these times.

tying up loose ends.

Details, always details, is the inferring the end is near?? On the humourous side, will there finally be a hairstylist on the African tour that can tie up those horrible extensions and make madams hair at least presentable.😂😂😂😂😂

GSTQAOBC 🇨🇦

Thank you so much PG….looks amazing! You are the best!😊💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

[smilemingyu]

joli

member: kim seungmin (stray kids) 

word count: 4.4k

genre: fluff!!!

a song to listen to: joli garçon by pink martini

warnings: so much fluff,, paris cliches,,,, haha

all i can think about at the moment is how fun a vacation to france would be with seungmin okay!!

okay so like ,,,

you’re seungmin’s best friend and he was like,, i want to go to france and take pictures and you’re like “ok, have fun!” and he’s like “no but…. i don’t want to go alone :(“

and you’re like uh oh,,, he’s pulling out his puppy dog eyes and you can’t say no to seungmin’s puppy dog eyes

and he also offers to pay for everything so like could really pass up a Free trip to france with your best friend???? absolutely not

so he plans it all out for you both and all you have to worry about is packing,,

you guys have a sleepover a little bit before and buy a notebook to write down some places to visit and some things to eat and you’re both just so excited to go

you buy a french translation book and you both study some common phrases and try to have conversations in french

which usually ends in both of you being confused and just laughing over how bad the others accent is

so your plane day comes and seungmin comes to your apartment at 4 am to make sure you’re prepared and he checks through a list of things before you guys go off to the airport

and you’re like,, so tired but can’t help but be fond of seungmin and his want to make sure everything goes well

on the airplane you both fall asleep and only wake up when you guys accidentally bump heads

and then you guys decide to watch a french movie without subtitles to see how much french you guys know

and throughout the whole movie you guys are like ???????? what is happening ,,, je ne comprends pas

so yeah your book didn’t help other than knowing Very Very basic phrases

but you don’t care because you both can speak english and they’ll probably have some english speakers in the touristy places

when you land, you’re both super tired so you go straight to the hotel seungmin had booked

and it’s a one bed room because it’s cheap and neither of you care about sleeping in the same bed because you already do when you have sleepovers anyways,

also it has a great view to all kinds of pretty lights because why would he get a bad view

you both knock out pretty quickly but you ordered some food first since you both had accidentally slept past the food being served on the plane

when you wake up the next day, it’s to seungmin shaking you awake and telling you you guys have to get breakfast

and you get dressed into a cute french inspired outfit because why wouldn’t you come on if you’re gonna be a tourist you might as well be a tourist

you and seungmin may have maybe went shopping beforehand to look for cute outfits together so you’re both dressed in similar outfits and you make sure to get a mirror selfie as seungmin blushes because,

you look like a couple AND you’re cute

and he definitely blushes harder when you say exactly that but he covers it up by rolling his eyes and grabbing his camera

you both head out to the latin quarter and go to a cafe seungmin had found online and you both order some food and coffee and sit at a table outside

seungmin takes some photos of the view you guys have from there, at the people walking by, and makes you pose for some photos with your coffee and shows the photos to you excitedly which is so endearing because he looks up everytime at you with sparkly eyes to see your reactions and it makes you melt inside because he’s the cutest

after he’s done taking photos he pulls out the notebook you guys planned together in and asks what you guys should do after he eating

since you’re already in the latin quarter and are near it, you pick to go to the panthéon and take some pictures there

you also decide to check out some of the stores around and then you set out to do what you planned

you buy a few things from a store, including something that seungmin likes and seungmin tries to pay for it but ur like , bro you’re paying for everything let me buy you something so he shuts up and gives you a smile when you hand it to him after buying it

you stop a few times, seungmin wanting to take a picture of you in front of some of the more aesthetically pleasing shops and wanting a picture of you on the road and you try to get him to give you the camera so you can take pictures of him also because he is cute TOO but he refuses

so you resort to sneaking pictures of him when you know he isn’t looking

and when you look at the photos you took later that night your favorite photo was one you had taken when he was taking a picture of a family (with their permission, of course, he’s not weird,,) and he just looks so focused and serious but cute all at the same time !

(side note: i love kim seungmin,,,,,,,,,,,, he’s the cutest he deserves the world okay ,,)

he lets you take a picture of him with his camera in front of the panthéon because like why would he pass that up,,

and you’re pleased when a lady passing by offers to take a picture of you both together so you both pose cutely and she comments on what a nice couple you are and both you and seungmin blush but you had already gotten a comment like that from the barista that you were just like aight,,,, guess in paris we’re a couple then

you guys giggle about that together and stop at another cafe to plan out your next move

you guys decide to plan a visit to the catacombs so you go back to your hotel to change into something a little more suitable that way you wouldn’t get your cute outfits dirty

you stay in the hotel room a little bit, looking at the photos seungmin took and texting your friends about how pretty paris is

hyunjin texts back with how he’s jealous and seungmin should have took him instead and you say better luck next time but the group chat had already started planning a group visit and you’re not complaining, because that would be fun

you guys head out soon and stop by a shop to buy a flashlight based on advice online that said to buy one

seungmin also secretly buys you a stuffed animal he noticed when you were looking at what drinks you could buy you both just in case you get thirsty and he hides it in his bag to give to you later

on the way to the catacombs, seungmin does the same as he did at the latin quarter and stopped to take some pictures, even asking some couples if he could take pictures of them in some broken french

he always compliments the couples which usually gets a compliment back to you and him which you thank them for because you might as well you know

you guys arrive to the catacombs and have to wait in line to actually go in so you both make conversation with a couple in front of you

they’re two girls your age who hang off each other and they tell you guys about what they’re gonna do afterwards (go and get some drinks at a cabaret) and offer you guys to join them and you’re like,,, sure sounds fun and seungmin also agrees

they make conversation about how they got together (they were best friends and just naturally slipped into a relationship) and they ask you how you and seungmin got together

and you and seungmin exchange looks and it’s obvious you’re both like ok what harm could it be to pretend we’re a couple in the pretty city of paris

so you make up a story about how seungmin confessed to you when you were stargazing one night and he wraps his arm around you naturally

so you enjoy the catacombs together with the couple, taking pictures inside and you take some photos of the couple and they take some photos of seungmin and you and you and seungmin start to hold hands sometime after leaving to keep the couple illusion going

you all decide to just walk around some shops and wait for it to get darker before you go to the cabaret and you try to ignore how good it feels to be holding hands with seungmin so naturally

you all go to the cabaret and order some drinks and you and seungmin don’t drink much because honestly you wanted to enjoy paris sober more than you’d want to drunk

you part ways with the girls later in the night to go back to your hotel (after exchanging numbers and saying you’ll definitely have to meet up for lunch the next day)

even after you had parted ways seungmin still held your hand but you tried not to think about it too much

when you get into the hotel room, he pulls the stuffed animal he had bought you earlier and hands it to you and you blush and are like “what’s this” and he blushes also and was like “it’s cute, reminded me of you so i wanted to buy it for you” so you give him a huge smile (which makes his heart beat a lot) and you give him a big hug

you fall asleep while you both watch a movie, cuddling the cute stuffed dog he had gotten you

the next morning you wake up a little later than the day before

seungmin was already awake and eating a bagel on the balcony and he has one prepared for you also when you come out to join him

you guys eat in silence looking out at the city until he breaks the silence

“our eiffel tower day is the last day, by the way..,, wanted it to be more exciting,”

you nod agreeing with his planning

you had two more days to go

when you’re done eating you guys pull out the notebook and makes plans for that day

you plan to go to the louvre and then meet up with the girls from the day before for lunch and then you’ll go to domaine national du palais-royal afterward,,,

and then you found out there’s a korean market near there so you both plan to stop by there to buy some stuff so you can make some dinner in the hotel room together

excited to have your day planned out you and seungmin dress into another couple outfit and you decide to mention that little uhhHh scheme (?) you guys had made the day before

“so ,, are we just gonna pretend to be a couple here,,?” you ask and seungmin looks surprised as if he didn’t think you’d mention and you see his ears turn red but don’t tease him for it.

“i mean,,, here is considered a pretty romantic place so,, i guessed we might as well,,” and you agree and grab his hand “then hello boyfriend” and blushes and laughs, before presses a kiss to your cheek “hello (girl/boy)friend”

it’s easy to fall into that kind of relationship with him, even if it’s just for show

it was like how the other couple had talked about,, very natural that you knew you were going to be sad once the paris trip was over because you already had a crush on him anyways but you decide it wouldn’t hurt too much to at least enjoy this charade for the time being

so you guys set off, holding hands and go to the louvre excited to see all the pretty art and take some great photos

he immediately unlocks his hand from yours to make you take photo in front of it first and has you do a bunch of different poses, laughing when you do a silly kind of pose and you smile back fondly and he snaps a photo again

he comments on how pretty you look before you take the camera from him and have him do the same as you

you ask a lady to take some photos of you both which she gladly does, giving you both a smile

seungmin gives your cheek a kiss when she takes a photo and you know you must be blushing in the next photo when he is looking down at you

when the lady hands the camera back to you both, she comments on how much you guys remind her of her and her husband and you smile and thank her

seungmin intertwines your hands again and you wait a little until you can go into the museum

you don’t notice when he takes some photos of you inside, before taking photos of the art because cliches are cliches for a reason and that’s because they’re fucking fantastic skfsj

you’re fascinated by all the art inside which seungmin finds really cute and he pays close attention to your words when expressing your love for each piece

my heart HURTS

he cutely smiles whenever you smile widely at him and can’t stop from taking more photos of you

when you guys leave, you’re a little sad but thankful you were able to see the nice works and you cheer up when seungmin wraps his arm around your waist as you both walk to meet up with the couple

while you all eat some lunch, you tell the couple about the louvre with all the passion you have for it, talking about how much of a life changing (i literally just wrote changbin five times before i could finally type that right imskfjsk) experience it was and one of the girls comment about how in seungmin looks with you which causes you to look up and make eye contact with him and you see how fond his eyes look and you’re done for-

you giggle when seungmin blushes and just buries his head into your shoulder, patting him on the head and earning coos from the girls about how cute you both are

after you guys eat you ask if the girls want to come to the domaine national du palais-royal (there has GOT to be a way to shorten that) and they agree to come with you (mentioning that they were leaving tomorrow morning and you’re a little sad but seungmin was secretly fine with it; not because he didn’t like them but because he had already made plans for the whole day tomorrow for the two of you) and you guys have some fun taking pictures there

the girls try to have you guys taking a picture kissing but seungmin just kisses your cheek and shyly says he doesn’t want to kiss for the camera to them which makes you feel a little insecure but you ignore the feeling

you all separate when you and seungmin go over to the korean market and you plan to make some bibimbap and rock, paper, scissors over who is going to pay

seungmin wins so he gets to pay but you secretly slip some cash into his bag when he isn’t looking

when you get to the hotel room, you both change into something comfortable before starting on the food and it ends up being just you making it with seungmin backhugging you and encouraging your hard work

you roll your eyes at him but keep yourself relaxed in his embrace

you both decide to eat on the balcony like you did that morning and you look out at the lights, admiring them

“everything about this place is so pretty,,” you mention and seungmin nods, “it really is” he brought his camera out to take some photos and he takes some photos of you too

you reply to your group chat and they ask you for pictures at the louvre so you have seungmin send you them (which he had already uploaded into his phone)

you send him the pictures that the lady had taken of you and seungmin and try not to blush when you see how fond you both look of each other and you send him so pictures of the art

seungmin sends the pictures he had taken of you without you knowing and texted “the real art!” making you blush even more and you’re surprised you didn’t even know he had taken them

so you send the photos you had snuck of him the day before without his knowledge when he was taking the photos of the family and text “the real camera focus!” and he looks surprised when you look at him

you both laugh when jeongin sends a “get a room” and you’re confused when hyunjin sends a “i thought you weren’t confessing until the eiffel tower??”

you look at seungmin but he looks as confused as you and texts “i have no clue what you’re talking about”

felix says something about hyunjin being dumb before hyunjin was like “lol wrong best friends,,, hyunjin and heejin are going to paris and heejin was planning on confessing,” and you’re like,,,,,, “haha what,,,,, we meet some girls named hyunjin and heejin” and hyunjin was like ,,, wait ,,,, send pics

and seungmin did and he was like “yo wtfff that’s them” and what a great coincidence that was

so you guys decide to do a group facetime with your group and you tell them about how cool paris is and you show them the view that you have and chan is like “woawww it seems so romantic” and seungmin is like “! it is !” and you’re like “haha yeah,,, everyone thinks that we’re a couple here” and minho is like “i’m pretty sure that’s not just a paris thing” which causes seungmin to glare at him and you to blush

jisung asks if you guys have learned any french while there and you answer, “oui, seungmin est un joli garçon” which seungmin looks confused at and you giggle and changbin is like “from my listening of french music,,, i know what that means” and you put your finger to your mouth in a shushing movement which he nods and laughs at

“I’m googling that,” seungmin says and you just shrug

you guys go to bed later in the night after facetiming with everyone for almost five hours and you’re so sleepy when you cuddle with your stuffed dog (you decided to name rimbaud) and seungmin is a little jealous of it even though he bought it for you

(have you guys ever facetimed your friends for five hours because if you haven’t i do recommend, it’s so refreshing,,,)

you wake up later than seungmin again and he’s not on the balcony or in the room when you look for him and you almost panic because didn’t kim kardashian get robbed in paris what if the same people took seungmin but then you find a note underneath a snack pack of fruit that reads “went to grab us some food! i’ll be back soon, joli (fille/garçon) <3” and you blush upon him calling you pretty (girl/boy)

you eat the fruit gummies and watch some TV until seungmin comes back

he’s holding a picnic basket when he comes in and he smiles at you

“i already planned today’s day specially, if you’re okay with that” and you smile brightly, “of course i’m fine with it”

and he tells you that you’re going to check out another museum, first off, as he puts the picnic basket into the fridge and you get dressed to match his outfit that day

you both take a selfie and text to your group chat that you’re off and you go out

he takes pictures as he did the other days and you’re happy that you stop by a cafe to get some coffee, smiling when the barista compliments your outfits

you both find the museum fascinating and this time you’re sure to take some photos of seungmin also

he smiles at it and then pulls you to switch your camera to your front camera and you both take some photos with the art and you decide to kiss his cheek at one piece of art and it was his turn blush over it

afterward, you head back to hotel and when you get there he grabs the picnic basket he had that morning out of the fridge

“now,” he says, “we’re going to have a picnic! i know you always want to have a nice picnic so i thought this would be the best place to do it… a lot of people recommended jardin du luxembourg for it, so we’re going there” you get really excited over it,,, you love picnics

“where are we going afterwards?” he blushes, but smiles, “a surprise” it makes you very curious

you arrive to the place for the picnic and put down a pretty blanket, and seungmin brings out some sandwiches and a bottle of wine “i felt like we needed a proper french picnic” you laugh as he brings out wine glasses also

(side note: i wrote this part while listening to quatre épines by josh savage ft. angéline so i recommend it!)

you both say a cheers, before drinking and listening to some music on a bluetooth speaker and eating

you end up laying down and looking at the sky, your head in seungmin’s lap and him playing with your hair

you feel so comfortable that way and almost start nodding off until seungmin mutters something

you open your eyes, curious, and he’s looking down at you smiling “huh?”

he chuckles, “nothing… you’re just… really pretty, you know?” you smile satisified, and your eyes begin to flutter as he starts playing with your hair again,,, you didn’t even know he had stopped, “you’re not too bad yourself” you mutter, before you feel yourself sleep into a comfortable sleep

while you sleep, a couple actually comes over and compliments how cute you guys are and seungmin thanks them before asking if they could take a photo of you both

they do, and seungmin is very happy with the photo he gets out of it, before taking some photos of you

he wakes you up a little later, shaking you from your sleep and having you stand up with him

he says he wants you both to stop at the hotel room to drop off the picnic basket and you walk with him, and he lets you lean onto him as you try to wake yourself up more

you stop by a cafe when you leave for the next stop to grab some coffee and you head up to the next attraction and you notice seungmin getting a little nervous when heading there so you grab his hand and try to soothe him, though you’re confused as to why he’s nervous

you guys get to a place called the wall of love, and you’re fascinated by it, immediately taking pictures of it

seungmin watches you silently before telling you he wants a picture with both of you in front of it and he asks someone to take a picture of you both and he says something you can’t understand in french to them

he turns you towards him when you’re getting ready to pose and decides to say something

“i was going to be cliche and do this at the eiffel tower but i decided this was undoubtedly a better place to do it,” before you can question him about his words, he holds your chin before leaning in and kissing you and you don’t even hear the shutter of the camera because you’re too busy kissing him back and trying to calm your heart

“i love you,” he says when he pulls back, and he points at the wall of love “i love you in more than 250 ways, but i felt like this would be fitting to show how much i love you”

your heart melts and you almost feel tears prick at your eyes, before you pull him down to kiss him again and that time you hear that camera shutter but ignore it “i love you too, so much. wow, do i love you.” he smiles brightly at you and your heart feels like it’s flying

he thinks the guy who took the photos for him and offers him money, but the guy shakes his head and smiles, “anything for a couple in love!” and you smile back over it

you take some more photos at the wall, smiling at how many times seungmin kisses you and seungmin asks some other people if he could take photos of them

that night, you both kiss on the eiffel tower, looking out at the city and you take some pictures there too, sending them to the group chat later on and gaining so much response from everyone that you laugh at and tell them you’ll talk about it when you both arrive back the next day

when you both fall asleep that night, it’s cuddling together and exchanging little kisses before actually nodding off, and seungmin almost feels bad that the stuffed dog he had gotten you was kind of forgot in that moment,

but he’s glad it’s him you’re cuddling instead.

notes: this makes me want to go to paris now i did this to myself,,, also my skz bias is changbin but i’m on such a seungmin kick lately,,, thank u seungmin. i’m lowkey proud that the french i wrote in this are from my own knowledge because of the one time i took french my junior year (even though i live in florida and everyone else took spanish,,,,, i’m kind of dumb bitch) okay i’ll shut up now,,,, also i recommend looking up the wall of love! it’s cute!!!! also i named the stuffed dog after french poet arthur rimbaud! he has amazing poetry and a pretty interesting life when he was alive, there’s a movie about him that leonardo dicaprio stars in! hope you guys enjoyed this, haha, it took a lot of research ksskj and 8 pages in google docs <3

[melonkooky]

bts reaction - their s/o getting hate for dating them

requested

genre: angst, fluff

author’s note: i kinda changed your request. i hope that's okay 😬😬. also, i don’t think this is good writing but i did try my best. please enjoy!!!

please do not copy my work. but please like and reblog it. thank you!!!!

masterlist

introduction

you knew what you were getting into when you started going out with [member]. you knew there was always going to be those people that don't accept your relationship to them. you told yourself not to listen and to ignore all the negativity. but you can only take so much.

kim seokjin

you received a letter in the mail. it was sitting on top of the coffee table, words haunting your mind. 'who gave you the right to date seokjin-oppa? do you think you're special? you're not.' those words were messing with your mind. on top of it, you felt scared. if they managed to get this letter into your mailbox, then they know where you live, they know where seokjin lives. you were more worried about him than yourself. seokjin had arrived home a few hours after you received the letter. "hey, baby." he greeted, tired from practice,

"come here," you told him.

slightly confused hearing the pain in your voice, seokjin walked to your spot on the couch. he sat down and you handed him the letter. you watched his face for any reaction. when he finished, the sides of the sheet of paper crumbled in his fist. he sighed. "why didn't you call me earlier?"

you shrugged. "you were busy."

"baby, they know where we live. this person clearly doesn't accept our relationship. they said very hurtful things to you. they could be dangerous."

you shook your head, tears spilling out of your eyes. seokjin's eyes widened. he pulled you into a tight hug, "hey, don't believe any of those words, okay? they are most definitely in the wrong. you have done nothing wrong." he reassured. "now, let's pack up some clothes and necessities. we're going to stay at the dorm for a while."

you nodded. you looked up at seokjin, who smiled at you. "i'll take care of it. don't worry."

min yoongi

it had never reached this point until just recently. you had helped with yoongi in his recent song and he was happy about it. he posted the song on soundcloud, and then announced it on twitter. he made sure that your name was in this tweet; there was no way he was going to take all the credit. majority of his fans loved it. but of course, there were those fans that loved the song, but hated the fact that you contributed. even worse: those who hated the song simply because of your contribution. you didn’t think anything of it but your social medias started to get blasted by comments, comments like ‘you’re not even an artist’, ‘you have no talent’, ‘the song would have been way better if you didn’t even exist.’ yoongi happened to read that last comment when you had left your phone unattended. he was angry. why weren’t they supporting you just as they would with him? he went to twitter for this problem. he thanked everyone in a long message, thanking them for their support. then he moved on to the ones who weren’t supporting you. he addressed that he was fine with their opinions, but directly messaging his significant other and saying how much they hated them just wasn’t right. sure, they don’t like them. but that doesn’t give them the right harass his significant other. after posting the message, many were proud and on his side. a few even apologized. even if his message didn’t do much, he felt better. when he was finished, you walked back into the room. “hey, i read a few comments they were making after our song.” he began.

your cheeks burned a bit. “did you...”

yoongi smiled at you, reaching for your hand. “i took care of it.”

you blushed, smiling widely at him.

jung hoseok

jimin had accidentally mentioned you in an interview, a...live...interview. there was no going back. hoseok had no choice but to admit that he was in fact in a relationship and only revealed your name. he didn’t want to expose you to the whole world. seconds after revealing you year long relationship, your phone lit up. one notification. then four. then sixteen. more and more. many started following you and began asking you questions. you became so overwhelmed by it all. many begged other to support you and even messaged you saying how attractive you were from pictures you had posted. however, there were a selected few who had the opposite opinion. they began to attack you. all of this happened in the span of a few minutes. your first thought was to call hoseok. he was in the middle of an interview but his manager secretly handed him his phone. hoseok beamed and blushed, flashing your pet name caller id to the crowd who screamed. he answered, “hey, y/n.”

“hoseok, i hate to interrupt your interview but...the fans...they’re all over me.”

hoseok’s smile dropped. he took the phone away from his ear. “i know this is sudden and a surprise,” he started, “but please leave them alone. i hate to say this but if you don’t support my decisions, then you really shouldn’t call yourself my fan. the fans that i love to death would love both me and whoever i am with. please, don’t be mean and give them such comments.”

you sighed. “hoseok?”

“i’m here.”

“you didn’t have to do that.”

“i wouldn’t want you to go through such negative things.”

kim namjoon

you and namjoon had no choice but to reveal your relationship to the public. you and him had tried to hide it for months, but somehow, a picture of you two together was taken, reports of you two were all over the internet. there was just no hiding it anymore. namjoon finally made the announcement. at first, things were relatively calm. maybe the public and his fans were just a little shocked. it got to a point where it was always a topic on interviews. a question relating to that was asked and it broke your own heart but namjoon replied, “you can hate me, but please don’t hate them.”

many were supportive. “it’s not right to hate them just because they’re dating namjoon. they’ve done nothing wrong.”

it got to a point where fans were harassing you on the internet and eventually in public. you were able to ignore them for a while. but one day when shopping with namjoon, some girl ran up to you and dumped ice cold water all over you. and namjoon couldn’t hold back. “a fan is someone who not only loves and admires someone, but also supports them. if you don’t support me or my significant other or any of our decisions, the exit is right behind you.”

park jimin

it began with a few messages online. those things you could ignore. you could just log out and delete the app, even shut down your account. that simple. but somehow, someone had found the place you had worked at. you don’t know how but they did. first it was a note, “you don’t deserve him.” and then more notes, eventually getting to flat out hate mail. someone that obviously didn’t like that you were dating jimin was out to get you. and they knew where you worked. the mail lasted a few weeks. you ignored them and decided not to tell jimin yet. he didn’t need to know. his focus should be on his career. but they started to get worse. each letter was making you more scared and anxious. you eventually couldn’t take it anymore so you took a few days off. jimin hadn’t noticed a thing but one day, while looking for a specific article of clothing, he saw a box. opening it, he found every single thing the anonymous being had wrote. he immediately called for you. you knew it was coming. he questioned you about it and you answered all his inquiries. you had begun crying and admitted that they were the reason why you can’t bring yourself to go to work. jimin pulled you into his chest. “i just wish you had told me earlier. this all could’ve been over a lot sooner.”

“i know. i’m sorry.”

little did you know, jimin went to the police about it and they found out that a coworker had been sending all the letters. it explained how they knew where you worked.

kim taehyung

you and taehyung were at your apartment. you had a movie on when he showed up at your doorstep. naturally, taehyung got excited and told you to restart while he made some popcorn. so now you were laying in his lap, all the lights off and all the curtains closed. the only light was from the tv...for the first half of the movie. the second light source came from your phone. once wasn’t a bother. but eventually, it wouldn’t turn off because of the number of notifications. “love, maybe you should check those.” taehyung suggested.

you reached over and checked who they were from. your mood immediately dropped but you hadn’t told your boyfriend about this issue yet. in fact, you didn’t plan to. “it’s nothing.”

“they clearly need you if they are texting you that many times. who is it?” he asked, a mischievous smile of his face.

“none of your damn business.” you replied, pretending to ignore him.

but taehyung was quick and snatched your phone. he laughed as you reached for it but you eventually gave up. you waited for him to open your phone and investigate. his smile dropped as he scrolled through your phone. “who’s ‘y/nisabitch01′?”

you shrugged.

“’i hate you.’ ‘you’re not even pretty.’ ‘you think you’ll get attention for dating taehyung-oppa?’ please tell me you don’t actually believe this anti-fan?”

you shrugged again. “love, this is harassment. why haven’t you blocked her?”

“i felt that that would make things worse.”

“do you really care about that? it’s okay to be a little selfish at times. i’m reporting her for you because i don’t like the things she’s saying about you. they are not true.” taehyung told you. 

you looked at him. you truly loved this man. 

jeon jungkook

you were crying in your bedroom. you couldn’t take it anymore. all the hate for dating. yeah, you were dating the maknae one of the most popular kpop group in the entire world. but they were giving you so much shit for it. and a human being such as you can only take so much. it all caught up to you when someone confronted you on your way home. this woman had called you out of so many things, things that were most certainly not true. but now you were thinking, “i’m not worthy enough for him. i don’t deserve him. i’m not even that great.”

jungkook had noticed your unusual silence throughout the day. there was always one conversation where you and him use memes and fight over the smallest thing. but when he started one...you apologized. something you had never done. he decided to confront you about it. he wasn’t sure about what was going on. he walked into your apartment, having gotten in with the spare. he heard your cries. they were loud so you couldn’t hear him enter your bedroom. you were momentarily started but his sudden approach. he hugged you tightly. “why are you crying?” 

you shook your head, not really wanting to tell him. “yah, please tell me.”

you sighed and explained to him your recent encounter. jungkook was shocked that someone had actually personally walked up to you just to tell you you were worthless and didn’t deserve to be dating him. “baby, you’re the best thing that has ever happened to me.” he reassured. “you’re not worthless, you’re not talented, you’re not ugly. i love you so much and it hurts me that someone is telling you these things. please let me know if this ever happens again.”

[altheathewriter]

I want to say that 2018 sucked but, to be honest, in the history of the past 25 years, it...is kind of a normal type of suck, you know? Like I could handle it? And it really wasn’t -too- bad?

Let me put it this way.

I was raised in an emotionally and psychologically abusive household (the kind where you are raised to believe you are worthless to the point that it becomes part of your identity, and you believe abusive behaviors are normal or even kind behaviors), and I was bullied by students and teachers alike in school. I went to a school that was SO BAD, that when Orange is the New Black came out and people were like OMG that place is prison, its so scary, omgggg...I was like...that was my high school, what are you talking about? When people post videos of girls getting their faces bashed into sinks in school bathrooms and people freak out over the nature of kids these days, I go...its been that way forever? Is that not normal? Did I miss something?

I then went to college and took a major that I felt I had to in order to prove to my parents that I was not a freak. I then went into fashion where I had it good for about 10 years, but it was just more psychological and emotional abuse, tbh. I slowly got to know what it was. Like, you know its scary when someone thinks this is NORMAL. Imagine when that person realizes its NOT, and their life is Fucked Up(TM).

Then I decided to change careers and go back to school in about 2015, and this required me selling everything I owned and moving back in with my parents. When I say I sold everything, I mean down to like...giving away one of my cats. I owned my clothes, my other cat, and my car (which got totaled that year anyway so yeah). I took a $60K pay cut just to leave that life behind. But it was still my parents. I knew their game now, though. And I knew what to do and what not to do. For three years I was exactly what they wanted, and tbh, going back to school helped me cope with it because it gave me something to do and helped keep me focused on me. But that was before 2018.

My parents moved into an old folk’s community, and I didn’t want to go, so I used the savings I had scrimped for those years I lived with them and got an apartment. Money is kind of tight. I can afford it, but its just standard “I’m an adult” budgeting I have to do. No partying or anything. But anyway, I got into a great school. A fucking fantastic school. I have a 4.0 since returning to school. I was like...second place for a full ride scholarship that thousands of people compete for. Professors asked me to guest speak in their classes, and they use my papers for examples of what to do. The new school told me, that’s great, just go take this math class that has nothing to do with your major, but you need to take it to get into this program, pay us a couple hundred dollars, pass with a C, and you’re good to go.

This class was for engineering and math majors. I was the only psychology major there. The teacher was HORRIBLE. I taught myself this math and got a B. I am used to putting out A effort and getting As because I am a 100% student. But whatever. I called the school and they said that it doesn’t even get counted on my GPA. I just needed it for qualification or whatever. I get into the program. Its great. I made my dreams come true through hard work and perseverance and I did it myself, all by myself, FOR ME. And no one else.

And then I show up during orientation and it turns out that this school lied to me during the admissions process. They do not have classes available nights and weekends, like they said they did. And not just one person told me this. I asked no less than 6 people, and a whole department confirmed it. They told me, “It is not our fault that you feel you weren’t given enough information to make this decision. Your fees are non-refundable. Bye!”

Now I was SOL, because all the other colleges that had accepted me (I had applied to 6 like universities, and only one did not accept me) had passed their deadlines for me to accept admission.

I wanted to pretend that this didn’t suck for me. But it really did depress me because I was reminded that, once again, no matter how hard I worked or tried to make my life better, someone could easily squash it and not care. And the Logical Me knows that this is not a problem. I called a few schools that very day and then had some top online schools fighting for me. I got into all of them, and received a scholarship. The school I will be going to is a Christian school, but it is respected in my chosen major. I am -pleased- with how it turned out alright in the end. It is -acceptable-. 

But Emotional Me, Wounded Child Me, the one who never received closure from abuse and bullying, just took another hit. And thats really all that happens. I get my hopes up and its dashed, and psychologically, this is the reaction. It is depression. I went to a therapist, they told me I was fine and to call them when I actually had a problem (really). Went to go see a psychiatrist because obviously talking to someone didn’t help and fuck that, I need meds, but it took forever to get an appointment, and when I did, I got a flat tire on the way there, and they never called me back to reschedule, so I am waiting on another appointment.

New friends I had made got me lost on a fucking mountain during a hike, and during that time one of them said some really disparaging remarks, so I haven’t hung out with them since then.

But like, I know all this sounds bad. And it is. I am not dismissing myself. But in the light of everything in my life, it has been managed. I handled it. I no longer have ‘its the end of the world’ panic attacks (I had only one this year, and that one was on the mountain...they used to be monthly). And a lot of good shit happened to. Like...I taught myself an advanced math class. I got myself a B. I graduated junior college with a 3.8 cumulative GPA. I moved out, and got my own apartment, and its fucking PURPLE on the inside because thats my favorite color. I regained some relationships, and got rid of ones that I didn’t need. I am stronger with my boundaries. I found out that some kids look up to me and if that doesn’t fucking blow your mind when you find that out, then...I dunno. I still can’t believe it. I won fucking NaNoWriMo, the first time I wrote original fic since like...2005. I handle my shit. And every year, Handling My Shit gets easier to do. I think of things I do now that would have freaked Past Me out a lot. I still have issues in grocery stores and I don’t know why (crowds? i dunno). And work still gives me anxiety. But I can give as good as given when it comes to my parents (I don’t abuse back...but I do shut things down and respect my boundaries when around them). 

I know 2019 is another year that will be part of this story. School is not done yet (I should be done, but you can thank incompetent counselors at my previous school for giving me wrong advice for a year, and then the new college debacle), so there’s that. And I want to write more. I like what I write now. Man, my parents used to give me so much shit about my writing. They used to tell me I was hiding from them (probably was) and I was weird. I still hate being called weird. But I like writing. And even though I don’t get a lot of comments on it, I like doing it for me. Even Tumblr’s tiddypocalypse couldn’t stop it. Anyway. I’m ringing in the new year with some contemplation, frozen pizza, and some wine. 

And writing.

[beheadingofmakai]

“Baller”

Lance “The Monster God” @tainbocuailnge hit me with:

for writing prompts, how about someone drunk bidding on a sword (or other weapon you're the one who knows shit about weapons) on ebay only to find out when it arrives that it is a magic and/or possessed sword that /desperately/ wants to belong to some mythical ancient hero despite it being the good old year of 2018 and if it has to whip its new owner into shape then so be it

So sit back, grab your pop corn, and let Uncle Drimo Beheading tell you the story of an unemployed man who drank a little bit too much and got in a scuffle with a mysterious man with an anime avatar, an event that changed his life.

                                                          ———  

“...And who the shit has an anime avatar on ePay?! You mean this freaking nerd outbid me? Get the hell out, let’s see what other deals he’s in, you’ve crossed the wrong unemployed drunk, shithead.”

The dark room’s sole source of light was the monitor’s light blue hue, reflected on a man’s glasses that sat in front of two tired, drunken, furious eyes.

2:38 AM, three bottles of schrobbeler, twelve cans of stout and a small army of discarded potato chip bags. It was a particularly bitter Friday, now Saturday, for Jan, and what better remedy for the sorrows of modern life than senseless spending? Like syrup finding is way down one’s throat, vigilantly hunting for a cold, the act of burning money seems oddly cathartic. It’s very much just pretending one’s current problems aren’t there by simply creating more trouble for oneself in the future. And sometimes, this future trouble is worth it if one’s splurging involves spiting someone with an anime avatar and a lot of booze. Not really, but it sure as hell seems so during the heat of a bid war.

“You think you’re hot shit, xX_KimikoKisser937_Xx? That I’m gonna let you flaunt your weight around just because you got some disposable income? I’m gonna shit on your sofa!”

Bills are a pain in the ass, aren’t they? Water, light, real estate, food expenses, cab fare... We’re lucky these brutes haven’t found a way to pipe oxygen and charge us for it yet, but it is what it is. And for bills, you need a job, for you kill those with your paycheck. Things were rocky, but stable enough the last few months for Jan Wildemors, but just yesterday, Fate decided to be that unlikable bitch we all hate and that hates us back, and he was laid off. No feedback or reason given, either. He was handed his stuff in a box that was missing a flap, and told to go, thank you for your hard work the last eight months, which is a very polite and corporate way of saying “go choke on a cat-o-nine-tails composed entirely of dildos”.

“Hah! Really regret on screwing me over with that keyboard now, don’t you, jackass?” Jan adjusted his glasses as he proudly asserted his dominance, victory his, not really sure what he just bought, but satisfied with the knowledge that he did. Hooray, unhealthy coping mechanisms! With his objective complete and his body at its limit, Jan went down like a glorious baboon that just missed a branch during its jump, his face smacking his desk as he lost consciousness like an ape plummets down a tree: With a lot of drool and a dull thud.

                                                          ———  

“Now, hold on just a second, let me check one more time with my bank, and--”

“Hey, you bought it, I just deliver it, now please just sign up already, and with all due disrespect, wear some pants next time. The day’s not even begun, and your hairy legs already ruined it. And yesterday too, retroactively.”

As the confused, unemployed man signed the paper on the clipboard (with a lent pen, of course), he was left one on one with the fruit of his idiocy: An ornate box, long and purple, the most expensive thing in the small apartment by far without even accounting for whatever it contained. “Oh man, oh man, I really messed up last night...”. Well! Whatever! It’s here already, so might as well open it! The best part of messing up is when you finally realize there’s no use in crying over spilled! Hooray, unhealthy coping mechanisms!

Inside the long and purple box was nothing other than a longsword, ornate and majestic. It was at this point that our dearest Jan propped a chair close to the window and prepared himself to just fucking throw himself out of it headfirst into the speeding traffic from the fourth floor.

“Welp, that’s that. I went and bought a sword. A sword. I can’t buy anything fancier than instant ramen or soggy lettuce leaves, not even the whole thing, I just got laid off from my job, and the first thing my drunk ass does is buy a sword. No wonder I had no cash when I checked in the morning. Well, alright, I’d like to thank my father for my ethics, my mother for my sense of humor, and neither of them for my savvy with finances, now let’s check out heaven, alley oop!”

“A moment, if you would.”

“Oh, sweet, the delirium is starting to kick in, I can hear voices! I love nervous breakdowns!”

“Face me when I speak to you, boy.”

Jan froze in place. This was the first time the panic voices ever were so untoward. He considered, for just a second, that maybe he truly wasn’t alone in this room, that perhaps, against all odds, that which was inside the box was the one...

“...Yes, it is I that speaks to you, now turn around and face me already, you unruly child.”

In the words of Oscar Wilde himself: “Holy shite”. 

“Hold on, what, no one told me swords could speak.”

“And they normally don’t, but I am not a normal sword.”

On top of the chair, wearing only a sleeveless white t-shirt and coffee stained boxers, Jan Wildemors faced the sword in the purple box, a faint silver aura blanketing it, the two staring at each other while Jan comprehended, little by little, that his mundane life was about to end. The faint glow of the morning sun that filtered in through the closed blinds accentuated this scene, the young man’s face stained with lines of bewilderment and amazement.

He then faced the window and tried to throw himself out again.

“H-hey, stop trying to kill yourself for a second and hear me out, will you not!? What kind of reaction is this to the honor of being addressed to by Moonflare itself!”

“Yeah, no thanks! I’m not only unemployed and in debt, now I am being plunged into some magic nonsense that I want no part of! This truly is the end for me!”

“Wait, you’ve no job and you owe money? That’s less than ideal, young one.”

“And now a sword is criticizing my life choices! This sucks!”

“Just hear me out, damn it!”

“Aaaaaa!”

“Aaaaaa!”

                                                        “Baller”

                                                          ———  

“Coffee or juice?”

“I’m a sword.”

“Yeah.”

The young man sat in front of the sword, sipping his coffee, finally wearing pants, the weapon unmoved from the purple box, its faint silver flow still emanating like a candle at the end of a long, dark hallway. A resigned sigh is all the young man could muster, lifting his arms in very real surrender.

“Alright, let’s do this. What’s up?”

“What do you mean, ‘what’s up’? First your purchase me and now you wonder what the dickens I am? Where is it that I came from? How could you possibly acquire a Resonant Arm without knowing? Is this some manner of jest?”

“Yeah, look, I’m not going to lie to you, Monsieur Sword, I--”

“Moonflare.”

“Hm?”

“I’m no Monsieur, nor am I a Madame, I am a sword with a name, and that name is Moonflare. Be sure to use it.”

“Yeah, sure. Anyways, so yesterday, I was laid off from my job, so I got real damn drunk, and decided, yeah, Imma buy a gaming keyboard! It’s a sound investment! It’ll improve my morale and help out with my job hunting!”

“Uh huh...”

Jan stretched and sipped from his coffee, making keyboard motions with his free hand. “No, for real, reward yourself, and then be responsible without a regret! It works! Sometimes! Unfortunately, the model I wanted was the last one in stock in ePay, this bidding website for online transactions--”

“You bought me online!?” Moonflare cut in.

“What, that weird?”

“I’m a Resonant Arm! It’s akin to saying someone bought a priceless relic on the internet!”

“Well, about that...” Jan produced his smartphone, tapped it a couple of times, and pointed the screen to the hilt, where he assumed the sword’s “eyes” were. Jan is no sword biologist, so we hope you’ll excuse his beginner’s mistake. “...People kinda buy really expensive things like the Mona Liz--”

“Someone bought the Mona Lizard!?”

“On the internet.”

“Curses!”

“Yeah, so I guess you ended up being sold off online, and whether your previous owner knew about you being a Restaurant Arm or not is anyone’s guess, but the fact is, the keyboard I wanted was ripped from my bloody, splintered fingers by some asshole with an anime avatar that outbid me at the last second. So I got mad and went to outbuy him in something else he was putting money in for.”

“...What for?”

“A foolish and short-lived sense of satisfaction and spite.”

“Marvelous, and that’s how you came to own me.”

“That’s the whole shebang, ya.”

If the sword had eyes, their revolutions per second would create a localized cyclone. It was clear this was a six piece McNobody who just obtained them as a consequence of bad impulse control and good taste in alcohol.

“...Well then,” Moonflare finally let out, as if forcing words out of its sword throat. “You know, at least you’re honest. Well, this might just be what you need.”

Jan’s eyebrow raised inquisitively. “...What do you mean?”

“This could be destiny at play, young man. No job, crippling debt, the end of the road, that’s what life is for you right now. And at the moment of most need, when you see the horizon as a guillotine encroaching on your throat with each passing day, cooped up in this cell that no doubt will be subjected to embargo, you come across me, Moonflare the Pilgrimbreaker, Resonant Arm... No doubt you see where this is going, right?”

“What are you suggesting...?” Jan inquired, his interest thoroughly piqued.

“You can be a Hero. I can make you a Hero. One worthy of wielding the real me. Look around you, you know you want this. Say, what’s that poster over there, above the couch?”

Jan looked to where the sword had verbally pointed and found his old Funny Fantasy VII poster, with its protagonist boldly wielding his weapon in an action pose.

“It’s my Funny Fantasy VII Collector’s Edition poster. It’s my favorite game ever.”

“And who is that brazen, courageous man showcased oh so prominently in the forefront?”

“That’s Clown Strife! A failed JESTER who didn’t have it in him to make it big in the ranks of the CIR.cus organization! After taking to wandering as a mercenary, his freelancing eventually landed him smack in the middle of a huge, world-class incident!”

“Poetic, is it not? You’ve just been released from your own job, you’re swamped in debt, and nothing seems to be going right... And that’s when we cross roads. It’s not only that you don’t really have a choice, this is the right choice. We’ll make it big.”

For the first time in years, Jan’s eyes shone with a fire they had long forgotten. Hopping from job after job, doing shit he didn’t wanna do, forcing smiles for nasty bosses who didn’t give a damn about him... It could all be over. It could all remain in the past, were he to become a Hero.

“I’ll do it.” he said, resolution dripping from his voice and fire emanating from his eyes like a faulty smelter. “Let’s do this!”

                                                          ———  

“Let’s not do this!”

“Quit whining and give me ten more laps!”

“Stop giving me more laps!”

“Then stop whining, cur!”

It’s been a week of this tragedy. Day after day, night after night, the sword and man duo engaged in this pitiful play. Moonflare, the sharpest drill sergeant in town, attacked the would-be Hero with arduous routine after routine, if one could call “20 hours straight of morbidly harsh training” a routine, by any stretch. When he was finally done doing suspended midair push-ups with a tire, Moonflare gave the signal (which is a disappointed sigh, by the way), and Jan finally came down.

“You’ve got the physical condition, Jan, you are fit and can move well, but you don’t take pressure well.” the sword chided. “How are we going to achieve fame like this?”

“...”

This silent reply didn’t go unnoticed.

“Is there something that’s bothering you, young one?”

“Yes, actually. You keep mentioning ‘fame’. We need to be the best to cause an impression this, we need to be at our peak condition that, you seem really obsessed with fame. Isn’t a Hero’s role to save people in the first place?”

But now, the silence came from the sword.

“...Hey, I’ve put up with this for a week, you could at least tell me what a Restaurant Arm is already in addition to answering to what I just said. I’m breaking my back, almost literally, here.”

“You make a good point.” the sword replied with what almost was a sigh. “A Resonant Arm, and please get ‘Resonant’ right already, is a weapon crafted with a fragment of a powerful weapon of legend. In this body, I am powerful sword with capabilities far beyond regular weapons, yet, I’m still a shade of my true potential. It’s because only a shard of my original body is in this shell.”

“Oh! So wait, you’re not just some delirium or haunted sword with delusions of grandeur?”

“I ought to pierce a lung of yours for that statement, hmph! Indeed, I am not a figment of your desperate psyche, I am indeed THE Moonflare, the Pilgrimbreaker, the Discipliner, the...”

Jan scratched his head as he drank some water as Moonflare went on and on with his titles before he interjected. “I’ve never heard of you.”

That window shattering in the distance? That’s Moonflare’s confidence you just heard. “...Yeah, that’s the problem.”

“Hm?”

“...I am a legendary weapon, but I am unsung, because my previous master didn’t care for fame in the slightest.”

Jan simply looked at the sword, as if telling it to go on.

“...Centuries ago, I belonged to The Pilgrimbreaker, a very unknown Hero. There’s no records of her real name, for she refused to announce it, there’s no records of her face, for she always wore a helmet that shrouded it, and there’s no records of where she went to after the Mana Turbulence, for she disappeared without saying a word after all was said and done. Just a few souls in this world know about her, hence why I’m an unsung legendary weapon.”

“Huh... I was thinking she was small time, but the Mana Turbulence was a big deal way back in the day, wasn’t it? Was she weak compared to the other Heroes or something?”

“Nonsense!” Moonflare suddenly raised its voice in stark contrast to its usual calm bearing. “Pilgrimbreaker was the real deal! I never could see eye to eye with her, but I will never tolerate illspeak of her!”

“W-woah!”

“Her form was perfect, her mind impenetrable, her defense unbreakable and her aggression irresistible! She struck fear in whoever was in the wrong side of her blade! Do you know where she got the moniker of Pilgrimbreaker, boy!?”

“Moonflare, calm down, I didn’t mean to--”

“She singlehandedly infiltrated the dread cavern where the Pilgrims Of Brozarok held the Ritual Of Turbulence, which would’ve torn the world’s apart thrice had it been completed, and killed every last one of the wicked dastards! Her arm swished left and right, which each move an impact responding, each swipe a life taking, over and over, dodging curses and enduring maladies! She fought for an entire two days, killing every single Pilgrim in the cavern. By the time four hours had passed, I had gone dull from the sheer and excessive amount of cleaving, and yet, she relented not! With myself as a blunt hunk of moonsteel, she kept going, going, and going! What once were slashes now were blunt strikes, but her sheer strength would break them apart all the same! By the forty eighth hour, when she had broken every Pilgrim and stopped the Ritual, her own sword arm lay shattered and her muscles swollen. She saved the world! She saved us all...”

“...But she’s not famous, not unlike the other Heroes whose names are now in history books, huh?”

Today, Jan learned that swords could indeed cry. “Indeed... The other Heroes actually acknowledged and respected her. Some admired her! They worked together many times, and they were all equally instrumental in stopping the Turbulence. However, she always insisted in others not singing her praises. She foolishly refused to reveal face or name, and eventually, history forgot her.”

“...I guess that explains why you were sold as an antique at best online. No one knows the true of your previous Master, and thus, of your deeds.”

“...Yes. I suppose that makes sense.”

“So I guess your true body, that is, the true Moonflare is elsewhere, if only a fragment is built in you?” Jan inquired, going back to that topic not only because of his genuine curiosity, but also to change the topic, as it clearly was a sensitive topic for Moonflare.

“Yes and no. The ‘true’ Moonflare would imply I’m a fake one. I am indeed Moonflare, just, not in my true body. This blade was forged with a fragment found in the cavern where the Pilgrims met their end. As thus, I have consciousness in this ‘body’. Resonant Arms are called a such because they resonate with their true bodies, and can thus direct their owners to the real legendary weapons. Since it’s my body, I know where it is -- where I am.”

Jan’s eyes shot wide open and he choked on water. “Pwaah! H-hold on, if we can go get your real body, then why haven’t we done that?! We’ve just been wasting time for a week!”

“It’s not that easy. I need to make sure you are worthy. Not anyone can handle a legendary weapon, and you need to show me your physical and mental aptitude. That’s why, today, we’ll have a little test.”

“What? What’s this test? If you make me run more laps, I swear to Aunt Jemima I’ll--”

“We’ll go and do heroic deeds! The streets are dangerous at night, no? We’ll go and stop a crime! Then, I shall judge you!”

“Oh!”

It was finally time. After a whole week of this tiresome nonsense, of pushing his body to the utter limit, of ragging his muscles to shreds, it was finally time to engage in the whole Heroing dealio! And Jan, our strapping would-be Hero, simply couldn’t wait.

                                                          ———  

The streets of the city aren’t exactly what you’d call safe. In fact, they are not what you’d call “oh they are alright as long as you stay in the main streets and by the light”, either. Every back alley you see is a brave new world of armed robbery and assault, with your neck and wallet ripe for the taking. The ideal place to truly thrive as the scum of society and get your doctorate in banditry. Why, just now, a helpless office worker, on her way back from overtime, has found herself tangled in an interesting business proposition between herself and a switchblade pressed against her neck. The switchblade’s companion, a rather forceful fellow with an iron grip and a neck covered in veins, currently yells at her politely, suggesting she voluntarily makes a generous donation to his wallet. How beautiful they are, the streets of this city, rife with opportunity and bankrupted in morals and safety.

Little did the streets know that a brand new market element was about to change their business dynamic.

“Hold it right there, fiend!”

The sudden voice blindsided the mugger not from behind, but from above. As his neck craned to see just who in the world would dare interrupt such an important business meeting, he soon found his answer: It was the man wielding a longsword that currently plummeted towards him.

“The fu--!” The mugger moved out of the way in time to avoid feasting on boots, finally finding himself face to face with the vigilante. The lady that was being mugged couldn’t help but stare in disbelief at the cloaked figure of justice, its silver blade glimmering under the moonlight with unnatural fervor. The billowing cape and the small domino mask made it abundantly clear that this was no mere civilian, this was a vigilante who meant business.

“R-repent now, wrongdoer! Surrender yourself peacefully, and you may yet know mercy!”

“Oi! What’s wrong! Don’t stutter your lines!” Moonflare whispered.

“H-how do you expect me not to!? These lines are so cheesy and stupid...! J-just let me handle the script, yeah?”

“Absolutely not! Who is the seasoned legendary weapon here? If I may be so bold, I believe I know more about this whole Hero business than you do! Just follow my lead and we’ll rake in the fame I de-- we deserve! Now shush!”

With a sigh, Jan simply surrendered and went along with it, dramatically pointing the sword towards his foe. “Hark! Release the dame or taste the righteous fury of the Pilgrimbreaker, miscreant! Know that I shan’t stay my hand a second longer!”

“...pfff...”

A small chuckle finally interrupted the monologue of the would-be Hero. It wasn’t the mugger that let it out, however, it was the victim.

“pppfff... I-I’m sorry, but wow, you are extremely lame. A domino mask? Cape? Really? What C-list telenovela did you jump out from? Shouldn’t you be looking for your missing baby? Maybe slashing ‘Z’s on walls like a loser? Please do me a favor and let me get robbed, it’d be far more dignified than letting you save me, Costume Party.” the lady mercilessly commented, performing Herculean efforts to contain her laughter.

“Shit, I know, right? Who goes, ppfppfffffff, who goes all ‘reepehnt villuns!’ anymore? Did your mom slam dunk you when you were a child, guy? Cloak and mask over sweatpants and a sleeveless wife beater with coffee stains? Really?” the robber added, shaking his head.

“A full outfit is expen--”

“Then don’t wear any at all, idiot! You only look like an overgrown manchild going out trick or treating! You really looked at yourself in the mirror and thought, ‘yeah, this is cool, I look like justice itself, I’ll drown in pussy!’?” the supposed victim harshly mocked, her laughter now out of control.

“Pffff, yeah right, this guy couldn’t score in brothel. His birth certificate is an apology note from the condom factory. Imagine being this asshole’s mom!”

“Oh, fuck off! Someone carried this thing for nine months! Imagine looking at this dude’s FateBook and seeing him posting pics of his outfit, like, ‘Yeah! Ready to fight crime! #Herointhemaking’, and then thinking, yeah, I did this, I made this, I was irritable and in pain for 9 months so I could bring this specimen to the world. At that point, I rip my ovaries out with my own hands and play ping pong with them.” she mercilessly chided.

“Bwaaahahahaha! Hey, you are really funny, and pretty cute, now that I look at you.” observed the criminal, apparently taken with her, now that he could see her better, out of the darkest reaches of the back alley.

“You are not bad yourself... I like a man that can handle a knife. Say, are you free right now? I’d like to unwind after work. We had a meeting today and my bitch of a supervisor, who happens to be why I drink, was on one of those moods today.”

“I’m down for that. I know a really good place here, they have craft beer really cheap, since they make it themselves, and the steak is to die for. Let’s leave Captain Virgin behind and get started!”

The mugger and the victim looked at each others’ eyes with just an inkling of passion for a few seconds before walking away, arm in arm, leaving behind our would-be Hero, the night young and ripe for their taking. It was the beginning of a beautiful relationship that would steer the young man towards rehabilitation and for him to abandon the ways of the petty street criminal, working long and hard for his doctorate in electrical engineering, a career he dropped out of, with the loving support of his girlfriend, whose own lifestyle greatly improved thanks to his good domestic skills and the encouraging fire of his pep talks. Together, they had three children (two of them twins) and lived a happy, humor filled life, growing old together, hand in hand.

Anyways, back to the present, where Jan’s self-esteem was shattered into so many pieces that you couldn’t even vacuum clean them.

“...What did just happen...?” Moonflare inquired, confused, no scratching his sword chin with the sword hand it didn’t have.

“C-crime successfully prevented! A-all part of the plan!”

“Are you crying?”

“Of joy!”

“Are you also trembling of joy?”

“Y-yup!”

“...In your parlance, this ‘sucked’, didn’t it?”

“Yup.”

“I really don’t know what to say, Jan. This is the first time I see an attempt at crimestopping end up in matchmaking. You might be cut out to be a Cupid more than a Hero, perhaps. Well, no matter, let’s try with the next--”

“Oh no no, look here, we’re not doing this again.” the would-be Hero vehemently declared, ripping his tiny domino mask off and throwing it in a nearby trash can. “No way. This sucks. Your way sucks. I’m absolutely not doing this your way. Look, we’re doing this my way, or it’s the highway for you.”

“Fool, I’ve got more experience, you must listen to me, and then we’ll be famous!” argued Moonflare, its silver glow intensifying as if to show irritation.

“You’ve no legs, so the highway means I’ll dunk you into the nearest river and call it a day. Now, you listen to me and you better listen well, Moonflare.” Jan’s voice finally hardened up, much like his grip on Moonflare’s hilt. “I’m neck-deep in debt, out of a job, stuck with a stupid sword that talks like a shitty Shakespearian secondary character, humiliated and ready to go and throw myself off that window, just like I should have. You either take me to your real body right now, or I’ll really make sure no one can find you. I’ll take a damn loan for a shovel and some scubba gear, dipshit. I’ll bury you at the bottom of a river or a lake, and no one will know.”

“Jan, please wait, you are clearly making a hasty decision here, your body and mind are not ready for the brunt of a legendary weapon,  just follow my lead and--”

“And keep playing Cupid to victims and their would be assailants? Fuck off and fuck you. You’ve three seconds to start leading the way.”

Seeing as there was no convincing Jan, Moonflare finally complied, giving in to the demands of Captain Vir-- Jan.

                                                          ———  

Marble tiles, ivory pillars, and a massive sanctum lit only by mysterious floating gems that shone a dim blue. This was the Sanctum Of Moonflare, hidden deep within the underground, a place impossible to reach unless you know of it, as the path to it will capriciously twist and curve to kick you out if you don’t, leading you back to the entrance, no doubt all part of the arcane architecture that the gnomes who built this place are known for. Only Heroes, or those with the aptitude to become one, could reach this place.

“Well, it’s awfully convenient that this was located under the sewers of my city. What are the odds?”. Jan wore his trademark sleeveless white t-shirt and black sweatpants, without the silly cape and mask, of course. The majestic room clearly had gotten his attention, his eyes scanning the place thoroughly with child-like admiration, whistling at the intricate handiwork of the engravings in the ivory pillars that held the place together. “Sure looks like a place where you’d find a legend!”

“Odds had nothing to do with it.” curtly replied Moonflare. “We are no longer underneath your city. We are far, far away, in another country, actually.”

“Oh, quit it. We just went down a manhole, don’t try to embellish your shitty tale more than you need to.”

“I speak the truth, cur. This place is not subject to the physics and logic of the world. All Sanctums that hold a legendary weapon are hidden away in places that would be impossible to reach physically, and instead, one must know of the place and fulfill a certain number of rules in order to reach them. My Sanctum, as an unsung weapon, hasn’t difficult rules, as you can see.”

“I assume they are something like ‘knowing about the place’, ‘travelling underground while intending to reach it’, and ‘carrying a fragment of Moonflare’?”

The sword didn’t respond for a few seconds. “...That’s spot on, actually. Those are the three rules. How did you...?”

“Intuition. Places like this turn up in games and novels a lot. Perhaps they were inspired by the real tales of old Heroes in the first place, with no one knowing any better.”

“...The era of mass information is terrifying.” the sword lamented, still not used to the 21st century.

In the center of the massive Sanctum, a staircase led to an altar where a protrusion with a sword planted in it could be seen. As the duo approached the gorgeous marble staircase, the engravings of the ivory altar, which turned out to be runes, glowed with the same dim blue at the crystals that floated aimlessly, resonating with the fragment in the incomplete Moonflare, the structure making a noise that was simultaneously organic and mechanical.

“Well, it’s ready. Try and fail so we can get out of here.”

“...So, you are a sword in a stone that only the worthy can pull out, huh?”

“Good, seems you’re familiar with the concept. Saves me having to explain it to you. This is what I meant when I said you were not ready. Now, give it your futile go so we can go back and apply ourselves to accruing fame.”

As Jan’s hand approached the indigo hilt of the true Moonflare, just inches away before he could grip it, Jan and Moonflare were interrupted by a slow clap behind them.

“Bravo! You actually made it here. My compliments! Now, would you please turn around and face me, you thief? I’d so love to see your face.”

Surprised by the sudden personage, the duo turned around to see a man dressed in an exquisite purple suit, two long and curved blades hanging on his hips, one on each side. “What do you mean, ‘thief’? I ain’t taken a thing from you.”

“I disagree, you lout. That sword you insolently grip right now should have been mine to begin with.” he replied, his footsteps echoing in the ample hall as he approached Jan.

“Hold on... xX_KimikoFucker456_Xx!? Is that you!?”

“Kisser! xX_KimikoKisser937_Xx! Get it right!”

“So it is you, the weeb from ePay that outbid my keyboard! You asshole, I should’ve guessed only someone with an username like that would wear a tacky purple suit and carry two... Ppfff.... Two katanas! My goodness, you really are a disaster! Where’s your fedora? Shouldn’t you be at home complaining about the fairer sex?”

“These are tachi, you ignorant, insolent nobody! And the plural of ‘katana’ is ‘katana’, which you’d know if you knew anything about weaponry. You’ve got a lot of nerve to outbuy me for a Resonant Arm, but... I wager you had no clue it was one, am I wrong?”

“Oh, please, of course I kn--”

“He had no idea and everything you say is correct”

“Moonflare, shut up, the people with opposable thumbs are talking right now!”

“You’re telling me this is all because you were mad that I outbid you for a gaming keyboard? You went a got in a bidding war with me for a legendary weapon just because you couldn’t accept that someone took a blasted keyboard from you?”

“Ye.”

“Incredible.”

“Indeed, I said the same.”

xX_KimikoKisser937_Xx sighed and simply took a stance, his hand on the left tachi’s hilt. “...My name is Clement Marmaduke Solaris, and I challenge you to a duel for the Moonflare that you currently hold. In the impossible case that you defeat me, I shall gracefully relent and admit defeat, pursuing you nevermore.”

“Hey, quick question.” Jan shot at Clement as he readied his blade in a stance unlike anything Moonflare taught him during the hellish training week. “Does everyone involved with legendary weaponry and Heroes and all this jimjam talk like a loser nerd? Is it part of, like, a contract? Why do none of you speak like a fucking real person? Is it too hard to not be immediately unlikable as soon as you open your mouth?”

“...Do you accept my duel?”

“On one condition. If I win, you gotta give me the keyboard.”

“You’re still going on about that, Jan!?” the sword chastised, but Clement simply laughed.

“Very well. If I win, I get Moonflare, and if you win, you get the Palanquin Corsair K195 RGB Platinum Gaming Keyboard.”

With a nod, both men agreed to the terms of the duel, and not ten seconds passed before they were at it, the two clashing as the altar with the true Moonflare served as their judge. Eschewing all of the sword’s antiquated teachings, Jan’s fighting style was far more fluid and natural than the proper sword technique Moonflare would rather he used, involving tumbling on the ground and spinning, launching unpredictable slashes and thrusts from every direction and angle.

“Jan! What in the world is this!”

“Breakdancing! I do this a lot, hence why I was in shape before your training. Your formal style is too stiff and old, this suits me better!”

“We’ll never be famous with a silly style like this! Just use the proper style of Pilgrimbreaker, and--”

“Fame, fame, fame! It’s all you talk about! Put a sock on it, already! I don’t give a fuck!”

But just because he was doing much better didn’t mean he had the advantage. Clement’s technique was equally unorthodox, drawing his blade with lightning speed and re-sheathing it, shooting out attacks with immense force as he attacked and defended at the same time.

“Impressive, Jan. I didn’t think you’d last a second against my Iaijutsu.”

“Just like a weeb to use freakin’ Iai... But I hate to admit that you are really good at it.”

“Oh, you flatter me, but you’d seen nothing!”

Jan spun and flipped in the air to attack Clement with a smashing overhead, but the man in the suit, with practiced mastery and a cool head, blocked the attack using his tachi’s pommel, paralyzing Jan with the impact, and subsequently launching him across the room with a powerful sheath thrust to the gut, saliva and tears shooting from Jan’s face.

“Phwoo! Sh-shit... He’s really good...” Jan struggled to say as he cough and barely managed to get back on his wobbly feet, the air knocked out of him. “...He may be a loser, but he’s a strong one...!”

“Cease this child’s play and use the style I taught you already, Jan!”

“I’m afraid there’s no need to. I’m done playing.” Clement approached the duo, none the worse for wear, the pressure around him increasing tenfold compared to what it was before. He was clearly holding back, but playtime was over. “You are a disappointment, Jan. I held back to see if you truly had what it takes, but you don’t even clear the minimum requirement. That Moonflare and you are opposites, and thus, without ever agreeing on what your purpose should be, nay, in how you should even move, you’ll never unleash its true potential. Ready yourself.” Without letting go of the hilt on his left hip, Clement’s left hand now reached for the hilt on his right hip.

“...Wait, no way, are you really gonna--!”

“Hwaa!”

He was less a man and more a raging storm. With speed that defies comprehension, Clement’s attacks doubled in both velocity and quantity, employing iai strikes with both swords at the same time. If the flurry of one such blade was already difficult to keep up with, defending against this storm of steel was impossible. The sheer impact and velocity of the bladed tempest lifted Jan off the floor, silver and blood dancing around his helpless frame as his clothes were ragged to tatters, his mangled body landing square on the altar, next to Moonflare.

“H...Holy shit... I can’t fight that...”

The footsteps approached him. “Indeed, you can’t. Now, surrender the sword. You can’t keep going.”

There simply was no way for Jan to win. With a pained sigh and a bloody cough, he mustered the strength to extend Moonflare towards the Iai master. “Yeah, it makes sense for you to have it... You’ll make a better Hero than me in every way...”

“Hero...? What are you talking about?”

Jan twitched, confusion tinging his face. “Huh? Don’t you want Moonflare to become a Hero?” The statement was apparently a devastating joke, for Clement could barely contain his laughter.

“Of course not, silly. I just want Moonflare in my collection! I’m a collector of weapons who travels all across the world finding different antiques and relics, but alas, I’ve grown tired of simple mundane masterpieces. I’ve set my eyes, thus, on legendary weapons, and with Moonflare as my first, my collection will reach the next level.”

“Hark!” Moonflare interrupted, shining a furious silver. “I’m no ornament! I refuse to gather dust in your vault when there’s heroic deeds to be performed! You can simply commission a replica if you must! You have a fragment of me, as well, don’t you? You wouldn’t be able to come here otherwise.”

“Hah! Indeed, a fragment, albeit one too small to even house your consciousness. I’ve waited here for little over a week for you to show up. A weapon ought to obey, for without an owner, you are nothing. Simply sit tight in my basement as the crown jewel of my collection, O mighty Pilgrimbreaker, and cease your yapping?”

“...Don’t give me that bullshit.”

Blood oozing from his wounds, muscles tearing from the exertion and damage, Jan stood up, a new fire in his eyes. “You know, I was ok with losing to you. Moonflare’s a dick, but it’s a strong sword. If it was in the hands of a capable swordsman, no doubt it could mete out some ridiculous amounts of justice, enough to clean up the streets easily! I was ok with that Hero not being me! But you...”

“Jan...?” “Oh?”

Jan pointed at Clement. “You are no Hero! You’re just a selfish little cunt who wants to feel good by filling his basement with shiny things! I’ll never give Moonflare, the Pilgrimbreaker to you! Not such a storied blade with a bright future in front of it!”

“Hah!” Clement could only laugh. “And how, I wonder and ponder, do you expect to make good on that? You are no match for me. Will you seriously throw yourself to the grinder for these ideals? Heroes are a thing of the past, and should remain so! They have no place in the modern world!”

“Oh, fuck you. Moonflare! I finally understand Pilgrimbreaker.”

“What do you mean...?”

Jan simply took a deep breath and approached the sword stuck in the stone of the altar. “Pilgrimbreaker was a real Hero precisely because she didn’t give a damn about fame. You only held her back, but she still managed to save the world.”

“What!”

“You’re obsessed with fame. You just want the glory of other weapons and their Heroes, and I kinda do feel for you, but that’s not what Heroism is about. You know what my job was before I got fired? I was an insurance agent. I got fired because I kept giving people benefits. Insurance is supposed to be there for when tragedy strikes.”

“...” “Oh...?”

“When you have a car accident, when your parents die, when you get sick with a complex illness, insurance is supposed to cover for you. But my boss kept insisting that we find ways to screw our clients over, to bring up the small letter of a contract and fuck ‘em over! I ignored it, gave our clients our support, and that meant loses for the big wigs on top, loses they recouped by kicking me out. I thought I could make the world a better place, yet, it was another dumb pyramid scheme, the insurance game. I’m tired of it. I’m tired of all this shit!”

Jan grabbed the sword’s hilt. “Moonflare! Pilgrimbreaker was the same! Heroes are all about public image, but she kept fighting as silently and anonymously as she could! Fame didn’t cross her mind! She wanted to make a difference! I admire her, I didn’t know about her until this week, but I wholeheartedly admire her! You should be ashamed of disrespecting her style and respecting only her strength!”

“Jan, I...”

The silver glow of the blade turned gold, and strength seeped into Jan’s body. The golden glow of affinity, achieved only when user and weapon are one mind and one soul, shone brightly from both sword and man, Jan’s words striking chords Moonflare didn’t even know about.

“...Interesting. Still, you won’t be able to draw that sword. A little bit of determination isn’t enough to change the world, which is exactly the kind of power that Moonflare requires to be drawn.”

“Bite me, nerd. Moonflare! Your methods are old, but your power is real! What you need to become a Hero in the modern day is to be a baller!”

“A... A what?”

“Baller! One who can do, no, who does what needs to be done. One who can make a difference, and makes the difference! Not one with the potential, but one with the intent! If we are to change this cynic piece of shit world, you need more than tradition! You need innovation! And with this innovation, we’ll pull out your body!”

“Jan, that’s fine and all, but it’s not how it works! But...” The sword’s golden aura intensified. “Whatever! We’re doing this your way! Let’s do this!”

Jan gripped the true Moonflare with all of his might and pulled, pulled, and pulled. Even the massive power boost from synchronizing with Moonflare didn’t seem to be enough. “W-we can’t do it...! You don’t have the power to change the world just yet, it’s nothing one can achieve overnight! That’s why I didn’t want to bring you here!”

“I don’t have the power to change the world...”

The altar rumbled.

“I don’t have the wisdom, either... The tradition... The pedigree...”

Cracks began to form on the floor surrounding the altar.

“But I have the heart! And there’s no way I’m surrendering you to an egoist jackass like this! I don’t have the power to change the world, but I sure as hell have it to draw one stupid sword--!”

The floor quaked wildly.

“--And start with the small things, like the streets! I don’t have the power to change the world, but that won’t stop me from trying!”

With a sound as loud as an explosion, rocks flew everywhere and a wall of dust obscured Clement’s vision as Jan let out one final scream. When the dust finally settled some, Clement couldn’t believe his eyes. In front of him, Jan stood boldly, the True Moonflare resting atop his shoulder... Still embedded to the rock and the altar, which he simply carried as if it was nothing.

“Y-you what!? You just ripped the altar off the ground?!”

“I got no time for these dumbass traditions and tests of worthiness you losers like so much! This sword is rotting away down here when it could be saving lives and making the world a better place! If I have to take it with stone and altar and all, so be it! I like clubs better than swords, anyways!”

“This is unprecedented...! No one ever ripped the whole altar along with the sword! You technically didn’t draw me, but at the same time, you practically did! Is this the modernity you speak of?”

“Damn right! I’ll drag the entirety of the Sanctum if I need to. A little altar stuck to the sword is nothing! Now, Clement... Clench your teeth.”

“You dastard...! Hand over Moonflare!”

“Take it from me, bitch!”

Clement once again turned into a cyclone of steel, his infinite slashes approaching Jan faster than a ballistic satellite could catch, but Jan stood calm, took a deep breath in, and swung the altar-sword forward, like a baseball bat, with all of his might. The holy altar clashed with the furious steel, and the steel shattered into pieces. Behind the steel was the arm that held it, and the arm, too, was shattered into pieces, mere bone unable to withstand the impact of a ton of ivory and righteous Heroism. Behind the arm that held the steel was a body, and the body was, too, shattered into pieces, the single deft swing enough to incapacitate Clement easily, his mangled body rolling away from the sheer force of the impact, a few lucky bones in his body unbroken.

“W...Wha...? H-how...?”

“The thing is, Clement, you ain’t a baller. You are simply a selfish rich boy who looked at people’s hope and saw an ornament for his wall. You could never swing this blade meant to serve the people. You ain’t shit, Clement.”

                                                          ———  

“Hey, we’re on the newspaper again!”

“...Is it another collateral damage report?”

“...Y-yup...”

The sword sighed.

“We sure are stopping crime and accruing fame, just, not the kind of fame I wanted...”

“Hey! We’re saving people! What if a few cars or buildings get smashed in the process? I-It stimulates the economy!”

“Maybe if you were more careful when swinging me! I have a whole boulder-like altar stuck to my body!”

“Ok, ok, mom, chill. Let’s just go home now. We keep at it like this, and crime’s a-gone in a few weeks. No one wants to risk being clobbered by an altar, after all.”

The duo jumped from rooftop to rooftop, Jan lugging the massive altar casually atop of his shoulder still, less sword and more comically oversized hammer. 

“You just wanna keep gaming with that new keyboard, don’t you? I swear... You should be training to be able to draw me properly!”

“You can’t rush Heroism, Moonflare! As long as we keep being ballers, we’ll get there eventually!”

“...Heh, you’re right, Jan. Yeah, sure, let’s go.”

What is a Hero? A beacon of hope for the people? Or someone who acts for their safety in the shadows? Both are valid definitions, and many more kinds of Heroes exist, too. There’s some that are Heroes due to their lineage, while others are self-made, defying expectation and rising to greatness, all that truly matters is that you seek greatness for yourself and others, regardless of how you go about it. Some prefer the bombastic splendor of the spotlight, while others feel comfy in the shadows, but as long as you are excellent to one another and keep going and going, no doubt you’ll become a Hero in your own way, be that sticking to old tradition or carving your own path.

For Jan and Moonflare, the path to being a Hero is to be Ballers.

“...But really, stop causing collateral damage, your debt is only getting worse, you idiot.”

“Oh, shut the hell up.”

...Even if it’s expensive sometimes.

                                                                                                             End.

[sebongie-loves]

youtuber!junhui

i feel like this would be very fitting for april fools lmao. enjoy!

junhui does pranks videos and yeah you didn’t read it wrong

his content is pretty similar to  woodandkleiny’s (on ig) because he lives in an apartment building with twelve other youtubers as his neighbors slash roommates because there were times where four of his same-age friends were bundled up on one apartment but later get kicked out because the apartment unit’s owner got himself a s/o

so now they bundled up on his apartment and he got more people to prank

his pranks are never dangerous or harming for his surroundings or the environment and actually very hilarious because of the reactions he receives from his friends. that’s why people enjoy his videos

it’s like that one time he tricked the gamer youtuber, seungcheol to play a video games that turned out to be a horror and scared the crap out of him

or that one time junhui filled seungkwan’s bathtub with orbeez which ended up being a great storytime video on seungkwan’s channel and being a war of pranks between the two of them and a series on junhui’s channel

or when he pretended he bought two flight tickets and brag it to hansol saying he’d snatch hansol’s s/o when it’s fake but it ended up very emotional and junhui being guilty for one month straight

also, he did wrap jeonghan’s new car in aluminium foil with a big bow on top 

he does a really good prank calls especially on seokmin 

“seokmin.. my dog dies.. i-i’m so, ugh this is too much on me.”

“OH MY GOD HYUNG ARE YOU OKAY? I AM HERE FOR YOU.”

“no i am not, seokmin. i can’t live in korea anymore, he reminds me so much of home that i feel less home sick but now that he is not around i can’t bear the pain. i’m going back to china.”

“NO HYUNG. YOU HAVE MINGHAO HYUNG RIGHT? DOESN’T HE REMIND YOU OF CHINA EVERYTIME YOU TWO TALK IN CHINESE? PLEASE DON’T LEAVE. YOU ALSO HAVE ME AND THE OTHERS. PLEASE THINK ABOUT IT.”

“…. seokmin i am sorry for making you cry it’s a prank call and i don’t have a dog. our apartment doesn’t allow them, lord.”

however his OG prank was with his life-long friend, none other than wonwoo and probably the reason why he ended up being one of the youtuber when his original dream was to be an actor in south korea

he started living with wonwoo when he was 20 years old on wonwoo’s apartment because he was looking for one and apparently, so did wonwoo. long story short, they ended up being roomies

he was working for 3-4 part-time jobs and studying korean on top of it. no one has the heart to say it’s pretty impossible for him to reach a star, to be one of the stars 

junhui knew it but this boy and his overflowing positivity believes on himself and his dream. which is to create something and to stand infront of the camera 

even with that, junhui still has this mischievous part of him. he loves pranking wonwoo to death or basically jun really loves wonwoo

like he once said to himself, even if he can’t reach his dream, he’d stay in korea because of wonwoo 

the event that lead him to be on youtube is when he decided to prank on wonwoo by buying red cups and putting it all over wonwoo’s bedroom just to prank him when he was asleep and video taped it because he wants to see wonwoo’s reaction 

and wonwoo being the youtuber he is, uploaded it online and his viewers keep saying how hilarious junhui is and how funny his prank is even though they’ve only seen it once 

and junhui is hot too so

so he started making videos 

because wonwoo told junhui to make that for extra cash which ended up a lot of cash instead of ‘extra’ cash and he volunteer to help because wonwoo loves junhui a lot and he just doesn’t show it 

he volunteer to put hard subs on it because junhui can’t speak english and one thing he didn’t realise is that he is the only friend junhui has at that moment so he is the only one that junhui can prank 

however that problem is solved when they moved to the other apartment 

however, putting subs is tiring. good thing junhui starts learning and keep on improving but when wonwoo’s s/o came, wonwoo was like ‘fuck this shit you’re rich now’ 

well yeah, junhui has succeed on his new career that he actually really enjoys and realised it’s a better path for him instead of acting

oh, so, junhui came to every platform he has and just asked with the help of google translate and wonwoo

‘guys i’m looking for a someone that understand korean and english. mandarin is a plus but yeah please email me on wonwooquitshisjob@junhui.com’

you are a broke college student in korea, studying korean literature and there you are looking for a part-time for some extra cash when your friend told you about junhui’s announcement

you binge watched his video for a night and thought to yourself how cute he is and how funny he is so you decided to sent an email to that 

you used mandarin for your introduction and wrote the rest in english

what’s surprising is that you are one of his million subscribers that sent him an email but his eyes just catch your email because of your horrible typo in the mandarin 

and you are hired :-)

his first text was ‘you have typos on the mandarin but yeah you are hired this is junhui the youtuber don’t share my number pls’

good thing he also asked you where do you live as a distraction and when he found out you live in korea he asked for a meet-up. you know, about the pay and stuffs 

when junhui saw you for the first time, he was starstruck. he could feel a thousand butterflies on his stomach when he saw you approaching him 

you two talked 

he realised about a lot of things about you when junhui is usually not that observant about people

junhui loves the way your eyes crinkles when you smile, he loves the way you laugh 

by that he keeps on wanting to see you and use this job as an excuse to do so

you’re not different though. you also thought junhui is super cute. too cute for his own goods and at the same time, you want his shoulder to hit your face because it’s just too attractive

so the fact that he keeps on wanting to see you by texting or calling you to meet up just makes you so happy

junhui also ended up calling you for non-work deal, for instance he asked you to buy presents for his friends or just to go for a dinner or lunch on his favourite soup restaurant

and keep this on mind, junhui loves eating alone

so the fact that he asks you to join, it means something

“hey are you free?”

“i want to eat, do you want to join?”

“the boys made a mess on my room omg”

“how was your day, y/n?”

“i miss my home”

those are his texts and honestly you’re not mad of it

the more you know him, the more you realised that he is not just a guy in his early twenties that make videos on youtube

junhui is someone’s thoughtful. he has a lot of worries yet he chooses to be positive through thick and thin

someone you’d love to be with and makes you feel things that you used not to feel before

and junhui feels the same thing with you

you two like each other 

but it takes too long 

even his subs are shipping you two with all of their hearts because of how many time you appeared on his videos when he pranked you and like the way he looks at you just explain his feelings 

oh yeah, ofc he pranks you and it’s like the cherry on top for you two’s relationship 

until finally wonwoo just yelled at junhui’s face

“YOU LIKE Y/N”

“DO I? OH GOD I DO!”

junhui, being the youtuber he is, confessed through video. he pretended to send it to you through email and said it was a video you need to work on

“sooo, as you guys know, i am having the best time of my life and i’d say this is a perfect video to tell you guys something that has been going on-” he paused, pointing at his chest. “here.”

“ y/n is one of the reasons why. they really understand me and make me feel like home. i feel it’s unfair for me to say they’re only on my heart when they are everywhere in my mind, they make me feel the whole zoo inside my stomach.”

“and to be honest, this video is not for you guys nor this video is a prank. it’s for none other than y/n and a very sincere one. i.. i really like you and i really hope you feel the same way with me because i want to spend my days with you and to be around you.”

oh boy 

you are crying when listening to his voice. the last part was in english with his accents and everything because it means that he is willing to speak in english for you even though he refuses everytime someone asks him to speak in english

you immediately call him, with tears on your eyes and happiness is the only feeling you feel

“yes! yes yes yes yes yes yes! i like you too, moon junhui!”

“you’re mine now, y/n.”

so it ended up being posted now instead of april fools and it makes me lowkey sad but yeah it’s okay. thank you for reading! 

[ikemensengokufandom]

hello :) I'm an Ikemen Sengoku EN player. I want to ask you, how if our warlords living in our era? what's their job? and how's our live as husband, wife and have a child? thanks a lot :)

ODA NOBUNAGA:

> He will be a President/Chairman of a big corporate company. > He will still be narcissistic AF, and will do anything to take down his competitor.   Making sure that his company will be the biggest/No. 1 in Japan. > As his wife you’ll be a frickin’ rich housewife.  > You and Nobunaga will probably have a Son.  > Although Nobunaga is busy he will make sure that he will make out some time for you and your son.  > Nobunaga will have Mama Hideyoshi as a very good PA to assist him.  When he really make out some time for his family, poor mama Hideyoshi will probably need to work OT… > Nobunaga will probably teach his son how to fight for survival even though he’s probably a toddler.> You’ll have to constantly get into a small argument of your husband everytime when he overfed your son too much sugar candies.  You know that he won’t listen and he’s too stubborn to understand the consequence of sugar rush.  > But you get used to it anyway and all you can do is sigh as you got a big kid and a small kid to handle.

DATE MASAMUNE:

> He will probably be a hottest chef/restaurant owner if he lives in our era. >His cooking is so good that he won Michelin award. > He is so popular that every female customer wants to bang him.> You as a wife will be assisting him in the restaurant and will get jealous when some female customer got too close to him. > But he still loves you and your daughter anyway. > Did I mentioned that he will have a daughter?  Oh yes.> He will make dad jokes and embarrassed his daughter in front of customers sometimes. > If his daughter has a BF, he will go nuts.  Probably not chasing him around with kitchen knife but showing off his chopping skills scares the poor dude off.> Sometimes when the restaurant are quiet/closing, he’ll do kinky things and you guys probably fuck in the kitchen. > You will have the best sex life with a hot chef ever.  

AKECHI MITSUHIDE:

(Wow, to be honest I am not sure what will his occupation would be considering he’s so mysterious.  Let me give it a try.) > Investor.  He’ll probably be a good investor in a huge investment company considering his sharp tongue. > You and him will have 2 sons, a pair of twin. > As he needs to drink with his clients often, he might not have time for you and your sons. > Your sons are not happy that their papa is not spending enough time with you. > Like their father, they’re pretty smart/scheming.  So they always have something up on their sleeves to make their papa spend more time with you instead of drinking with his clients.  So there’s this one time they used his computer and booked air tickets after they managed to steal Mitsuhide’s credit card when he was bathing. > But their father is smart, like come on kids you’re of the same gene.  He would have figured it out. > Instead of punishing his sons, he just grinned and pretend he knows nothing as he really want to spend time with you and at the same time it make their kids happy.  > He just patted his sons’ head, then kissed you on the forehead saying that he’s giving you a surprise; a holiday trip of four.  

TOKUGAWA IEYASU:

> He will be a doctor. > A doctor that every nurse would want to bang on him but he thinks that they’re annoying and tend to avoid them unless it’s work purposes.> He is also a strict doctor and will tend to get angry with his patients if they don’t take care of themselves, resulting themselves to get worse if they neglected their health. > He’s a strict husband to you as you’re pregnant with a baby girl.  He will control whatever you eat and will make sure that you’re taken care of / have the best as he’s a worrywart.  > Constantly provide baby education by playing classical music and read storybooks as he believe that that’s beneficial for your baby.> Sometimes you’ll get into a small argument with him as he won’t give in your cravings, because he believed that they are not healthy.  > He’ll rubbed on your swollen belly and grumble about it, like as if he is complaining to his baby.> You giggle when you see him talking to the baby, as his smile shows that he cares and has proved that he will be a great father once your baby girl is born.

TOYOTOMI HIDEYOSHI:

> Works for Nobunaga as his PA. > People will call him as “Mama of the company” as sometimes he nags to the staff like as if he is their mother. > A great assistant to Nobunaga, but also strict on Nobunaga’s sugar intake.> A sweet husband who will shower you with morning kisses everyday.  > You and him will have a cute daughter, who likes to be around her papa everyday. > Hideyoshi loves his family, and you and his daughter priority are always number one other than Nobunaga. > He will be the type who will help out with housework and cooking, as he doesn’t want to tire you out.  > He will also be a great teacher to his daughter when it comes to homework, and a very patient dad indeed. > But one day, he went instantly nuts when he saw his daughter holding on a male classmate’s hands while he’s there to pick her up from school.  > Ever since that day, he will constantly make a detour to his daughter’s school and pick her up, as he is worried that the boy might snatched her away from him. > You understand that your husband is jealous, and you couldn’t help but giggled everytime when he’s back with his daughter.  When you asked him when he’ll stop doing that, he replied by saying that until the boy stopped approaching her.  > You imagined that life will be harder if your daughter is getting married in the future…. as you can’t wait what will be his reaction by then.

ISHIDA MITSUNARI:

> He will be a great teacher.> He is patient and will constantly help the students if they are having problem with their subjects.  > You and him will have a son and daughter.  > Both children will be as smart as him, and will constantly ask their papa questions. > Sometimes he will offer to help you in terms of housework and cooking…. but you rather not want his help as he is clumsy and will make things even worse.> But you’ll be nice and told him to read stories to his children instead.> He will also be the one who tell bedtime stories everynight, and his children enjoy that as he’s a good storyteller.> Once your children are asleep, he’ll hugged you from behind and whispered “I love you, thank you for your hard work.” and nibbled on your ears.  > Then he’ll lead you to the bed and shower you with love. > Although he’s a teacher and a good gentle father by day, but at night he’s probably a closet pervert and wanted to explore your body…. using “I need it for biology reference" as an excuse.  

SANADA YUKIMURA : > A hot tsundere policeman. > He will be protective of you and make sure that you’re safe by following you to work and bringing you home everyday.> You and him will have a son, who is as tsundere as him> Your son and him hardly speak to each other due to their similar personality.  > One time it changed when he saw his son got bullied.  > He confronted the bullies and protected his son. > His son will be “It’s not like I want your protection… but thanks.” reaction.  Yukimura still smiled anyway and gave a head pat, telling him that he’ll be teaching him self-defense.  > You’re surprised when you see Yukimura and his son are having training together.  You felt happy as finally you no longer need to be in the middle as you might not need to hear their sarcasm towards each other.  > You thanked Yukimura and gave him a kiss on his cheek.  > When your son saw that he got jealous and hell breaks, things are going back to the starting point again… and oh boy you regretted it.  

TAKEDA SHINGEN :

> He will be an online business owner who sells DIY furniture. (According to his route yep) > When he meet with his customers to deliver the items, he often got approached by the female customers.> As he’s married, he kindly rejected them and spends more time with you instead.> Knowing that you’re pregnant with a boy, he will massage you every single night when you’re having cramps / trying to make you relax.> He will constantly rub on your belly and whisper to his son, telling him to go easy on you as you’re having a hard time right now. > He will be damm patient, especially when you’re having cravings / fits.  He will try to satisfy you and sooth you down by coaxing you.  > He will tell you that everything is going to be alright and will cherish you and your son forever, showering you kisses and hugged you until you’re able to fall asleep.  > He will watched you sleep and won’t sleep until he saw your smile while sleeping.  

UESUGI KENSHIN :

> A strict husband and a father.  > A President/Chairman of a big corporate company, Nobunaga’s competitor. > You’re his secretary and he will make sure that you’re by his side 24/7> He will make any guy to work OT for a week if they approached you and spoke to you for longer than a minute. > Sometimes you tried to persuade him not to do that but he shuts you down with a kiss. > Both of you have a beautiful daughter.  > He is protective AND possessive towards you and your daughter.  > He even made threats towards his daughters’ male classmates and teachers when they talk to her. > You said that he is ruining her social life but he doesn’t care anyway, saying that she should be hanging out with girls more than boys. > He even wanted to send her to a girls’ school / a nun school but you stopped him. > Although he is over protective af, you know that he deeply loves you and his daughter.

[isa-ly]

THE ELEPHANT’S STAKE

TW: mental health, therapy, repression

Did you know that my go-to party trick is drawing an elephant with just one line? I know, pretty lame. Now you know why I never go to parties.

Okay, so, what’s with the random elephant theme, you may ask? Well, funny you should mention it. (I say, as if we were having and actual conversation and it wasn’t just me pretending to talk to someone in order to feel less awkward. The irony here is that writing this blog is supposed to help me to do exactly that. I never said my brain’s logic made any sense.)

Anyway, I asked myself that exact question too a few months ago, when my lovely therapist Kerstin asked me whether or not she could read me a story about an elephant. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love animals and those big-boned, long-tusked, gentle-calm giants definitely have a soft spot in my heart. However, I never really expected them to come up in a conversation with a trained psychotherapist. But hey, what the fuck do I know about cognitive behavioural therapy. Not enough to be aware that it includes elephants, apparently.

Since I didn’t want to be rude and was actually kind of intrigued, I asked my therapist to yes, please, read me the story about the elephant. I actually found the story online (pft, Kerstin, where’s your originality), so I shall copy and paste it here for you to read it too, in case you want to:

“When I was small, I used to love circuses, and what I liked best about them were the animals. The elephant in particular caught my attention, and as I later found out, other children liked the elephant too. During the performance, this enormous beast would nobly display its tremendous weight, size, and strength. But after its performance, and until just before it went out on stage, the elephant was always tied down with a chain to a little stake in the ground that held one of its feet. The stake however was just a minuscule piece of wood, hardly a couple of centimeters long. And although it was a strong thick chain, it seemed obvious to me that an animal capable of tearing a tree from its roots, could easily free itself from that stake and flee. This mystery continued to puzzle me. What held it there? Why didn't it escape? 

When I was 5 or 6, I still trusted the explanations given by grownups. So, I asked my teacher, my father, and my uncle about the mystery of the elephant. One of them explained that the elephant didn't escape because it had been mastered. So, I asked the obvious question: “If it's been mastered, why do they keep it in chains?”

I don't remember having received a coherent answer. With time, I forgot about the mystery of the elephant, I only remembered when I found others who had asked themselves the same question at some time. Years later, I discovered that, to my luck, someone had been sufficiently wise to come up with the answer.

The circus elephant does not escape because it has been attached to a stake just like this one since it was very, very small. I closed my eyes and imagined a defenseless baby elephant fastened to the stake. I am sure that in that moment, the little guy pushed and pulled and tired himself out trying to get himself free. And, regardless of his efforts, he couldn't do it, because the stake was too strong for him. I imagined him tuckering himself out and falling asleep and the next day trying again, and the next day, and the next. Until one day, a terrible day in his history, the animal accepted its futility and resigned itself to its fate.

That enormous powerful elephant that you see in the circus does not escape because, unfortunate thing, he thinks he can't. He has that memory etched into his mind: the futility that he felt shortly after he was born. And the worst part is that he has never returned to seriously question that memory. Never again did he return to test his own strength.

The first thing I said to my therapist after she had read me the story and was waiting for my reaction was: “Am I the elephant?” To no one’s surprise, she had nodded and then asked me how I had gotten to that conclusion. And well, that’s what I want to talk about today.

It’s a little hard for me to find a beginning to this, so I’ll just start with what came to my head first: My childhood. Oof, what a bummer. A few minutes into her second post and she’s ready to whack out the big guns. Okay, back to being serious. Somewhat.

Don’t get me wrong, I had a lovely childhood. Really, I was an only child, born to two very lovely parents who really cared for and loved me, and I have tons of wonderful memories of growing up. Oh, what’s that? Can you hear it? Sounds like a big “BUT...” that’s about to smash through the glass wall of my positive nostalgia. Look, let’s just say it as it is: While my time as a kid and teenager were truly lovely, fun and filled with good people and better friends, there were undeniable issues and traumas in it as well, and it would be simply wrong not to acknowledge those.

And one of those not-so-great things was that growing up, there were a lot of ‘can’t do’s’ in my life. Especially when it came to emotions. I’m not gonna give you the full rundown of every single issue in the relationship with my parents or my own self, but I’ll say this much: My feelings, especially ones of anger, sadness and hurt, were often brushed over, my arguments ignored and my attempts of standing my ground nipped in the bud. Discussions, fights and quarrels, especially with my mum, made one thing very clear: I had to stay as quiet and small as possible to avoid being yelled at even more. If I spoke up, even when I thought I was in the right, things would escalate and get even worse. Ergo, if I showed and displayed my real emotions and thoughts, I would suffer the consequences – which were never good.

So, I learned not to. I learned to stay quiet. To revert back into myself and zone out, go some place else in my mind and just wait for the storm to blow over. Instead of getting angry, I fell silent. Instead of getting sad, I went numb. As my therapist always says: Instead of feeling, I would simply not feel. Because at the time, it was what kept me safe. It was what kept me loved. And all a child wants is to be loved.

In many ways, this was my stake. This was what kept me standing in one spot. Whenever I tried to pull it out, I would fail, struggling and thrashing to escape, to make my emotions clear and feel them freely. Every time I tried, it would only leave me even more exhausted, would leave me feeling like a fool for thinking that maybe if I tried just one more time, pushed just a little harder, the stake would yield. But it never did. And at some point, I just gave up.

This all might sound very sad and tragic. I’m aware that I’m by far not the only teenager that fought a lot with their parents. And probably also not the only one who just kind of gave in after a while. However, I can’t deny the fact that this has shaped me in ways I am only now recognizing years later, while sitting in therapy and having elephant stories read to me because for some reason, for some fucking reason, I cannot access, feel or share my emotions.

For some fucking reason, I am chained to that stupid stake. 

My therapist read me the story because she knows that I’m aware what it’s about. It’s about me, as a kid and teen, trying to escape from the emotional boundaries that were set by my parents and eventually by myself, and failing time and time again. As I grew up and got older, those boundaries grew with me in my head. And yet in real life, they were nothing but a tiny stake of wood that, having grown a lot stronger, I could have completely overpowered and ripped out of the ground by now. But because they have been with me my entire life and because I hold all those memories of never being able to shake them, I never thought I could.

I always looked at them like the elephant looked at the stake. As something that couldn’t be moved, that couldn’t be changed.

“Until one day, a terrible day in his history, the animal accepted its futility and resigned itself to its fate.“

Hits different now, huh.

So, what’s the moral of that story and brief delve into my emotionally compromising childhood? Fuck the circus, I guess. 

In all seriousness though: I wanted to write this post because that therapy session actually helped me a lot and I find myself coming back to this story whenever I slip into the darker place of my mind. So, I wanted to put it on this blog as a reminder. A reminder to myself and anyone else who needs it, that even though it might seem virtually impossible to change something, be that your own thought patterns, behaviours or personality traits, it never is. 

You know that cheesy saying that change is the only constant in life? Well, as cheesy as it is, it’s true. And I think by realizing that, by hearing that silly story of the elephant in the circus, it opened up some new possibilities. One of those being that whenever something feels like it’s unyielding and not doable, maybe you just need to take a step back and look at it again. And maybe you’ll see that it’s actually just a small, wooden stake and you’re a whole ass elephant that could take down a tree, if it wanted to.

The exact opposite might be true too, and the stake might still be too big. And in that case, that’s perfectly okay too. Remember what I said one post ago about picking your battles according to your own strengths? Yeah, that’s still valid too. But it also doesn’t mean that you have to despair. Because there is always room for growth and the chance of becoming stronger. Emotionally, mentally, and in every other way.

I hope this doesn’t sound too much like a self-help book from some self-proclaimed lifestyle guru who’s also a part-time pickup artist and sells questionable detox teas on the side (not sure where I’m going with that one). Metaphors can sound super lame but in my case, they’ve always been helpful as my brain really loves translating lessons and conclusions into images. Essentially, I’m just the kid that was always into Arts And Crafts and I need to ~visualize~ everything in order to process it. I know, I annoy myself too.

But hey, my therapist made a good call by telling me this metaphorical story because it made me realize a thing or two about how I’ve set myself all of these boundaries I could just as easily (or should I say isa-ly, HAH) kick again if I tried. That stake I chained myself to might have provided a sense of safety all those years back when I was a child and teenager, being yelled at and not listened to by my parents. But it is no longer providing that security. If all, it’s holding me back in realizing all of my newly found strengths. 

So, maybe it’s about damn time I ripped it out of the ground and got the hell out of that circus.

[redscullyrevival]

I finally saw The Last Jedi and I liked it - what I wasn’t entirely anticipating is that I also really enjoyed it! I will now commence bullet point blabbering about the film below the cut and it shall not be spoiler free. 

I now understand all the raging nerd-hate this movie has been getting - this film aimed to straight up burn this motherfucker down, huh? 

Loved it. 

Personally I was very… underwhelmed with The Force Awakens. It was a fun romp and I loved the new characters and the nostalgic twinge of the familiar but oh boy the entire thing felt far too beholden to the pedestal of A STAR WARS FILM! in slow steady blinking lights. 

The Force Awakens has that octane Abrams pacing but it is also just so damn stiff. So ridged. And obviously deeply afraid to wander off the path. 

I understand that the first re-introduction to such a beloved franchise playing it (excruciatingly) safe made sense; but I was still upset with the final product, with the final choice to deliberately aim to be nothing more than what I’ve seen and felt before.

The Last Jedi on the other hand turns out to be a long, cozy, chat about how A STAR WARS FILM! should be struck down so something new can grow. 

Hallelujah!

The visceral attack this film must feel like to a particular kind of Star Wars fan is no doubt very intense and in all honestly I do have some pity for folks who found this new film to be dismissing the legacy they feel connected to in deeply personal ways. 

*clappy hands*

But oh, I loved it so much!

Every twist and turn, every aspect of this film pushes the anticipated rhythm of A STAR WARS FILM! away; all the momentum the film gains is for the final purpose of rejecting everything easy and expected, for pushing past, well, the past. 

Hot damn, the nerds are kind of justified for once.

The Last Jedi came for them! It went so hard! The more someone had dug themselves into the belief that STAR WARS was a solid thing they knew and understood on a fundamental core level then the deeper the cut would go as the film raged on. 

The anger, the hate from certain fandom circles makes total sense. 

Because this film done changed the Star Wars. 

And it was about fuckin’ time. 

So prepared was I to sit through The Empire Strikes Back: The Remix that the intense gut fans-hate-it reaction the film got opening friggin’ day got me all kinds of delighted, how I saw it such a reaction signaled that this new film would be something actually new. 

And the fresh air of The Last Jedi comes from some pretty drastic subversion of A STAR WARS FILM! It is down right beautiful.

Ultimately, if the choice to change Star Wars was just to grim dark and edge it up then it’d be pretty terrible I agree, but The Last Jedi managed to alter and course correct massive change without breaking the frame of the how and the why and to whom these STAR WARS stories are told. 

I mean, in my opinion anyway. 

I felt the film put a lot of care and love into explaining to the audience what was right and natural about change, explaining that strength could be found in letting go of our nostalgia and expectations and opening up to new experiences in old sandboxes. I felt The Last Jedi was an oddly gentle film that knew it was going to frighten some while igniting others and did it’s best to show it’s good will towards signaling hope and legend and legacy into a shared experience. 

*shrug shrug shrug* YA FEELIN’ ME?!

I know I already have a spoiler warning above the cut but now I am going to really get up in this film and push my eyeball up against it’s eyeball and hey if you wanna see all particulars feel free, but this is now specific spoiler territory, thanks and happy holidays:

I was so enthralled with Finn and Rose’s quest and I was ecstatic when it didn’t work out.

The two went on a space goose chase for a daring rescue mission and got into ruffian escapades and thought on the fly and were brave and funny and were livin’ that STAR WARS life - and they failed spectacularly.

Their mission, their rip’roarin’ escapade, was in fact a brash and ill thought out plan that almost got absolutely everyone killed. 

Precious, lovely, daring, and confident Poe Dameron was a horrible leader. 

His belief in a desperate gamble; his total confidence that he was in the right and the stuffy Vice Admiral didn’t know when to take a risk; the audience knowing his qualities as sure fire STAR WARS leadership was all for nothing and people died for it. 

I said HOT DAMN!

This film made General Organa and Vice Admiral Holdo, two older women who don’t run around with blasters in hand but who have no less twinkle in their eyes the true leaders of the resistance. The true bearers of the spark of rebellion. It was their matured tried and true mentorship that ended up saving them all - not the cocky charisma of a younger good looking man.

Also Leia is confirmed Force Sensitive™ bringing to an end decades long old guard fans bickering and moaning over if she has pretend magical powers or not and why if she did that’d be “not right”. 

(Seeing Carrie Fisher bathed in moonlight was emotional)

And then, oh man, Rey’s parents? Wonderful, soulful, bright and strong Rey? Because she is in a STAR WARS film and can use the force everyone including people who’ve never seen The Force Awakens assumed her parents were a part of the legacy, a part of the grand scheme.

NOPE.

In fact, to really drive it home just so fans can’t possibly be confused, Kylo Ren tells her “You’re nobody. You don’t belong in this story.”

He said that with his mouth words!

But there she is all the same, good old Rey. And she’ll remain. Without being so and so from extended universe’s kid or a character only in some comic book or Luke’s secret child or whatever. 

Rey is just a character made to be there and to use the force because, hey, it’s a STAR WARS MOVIE! We needed someone to be the Luke this time around so why not Rey? 

PS we shattered Luke’s lightsaber and made Rey indebted to jack squat of this franchise. She searched for her purpose and her parents and only found the strength of herself and her own choices. Peace out!

That tickled me senseless, having the cultural institution of STAR WARS being full on assaulted for two and a half hours.

That tickled my pickle. 

The Last Jedi is hyper self aware media, but it was still fun. It was still a good time but it laid down hard and fast with changing the lifeblood of STAR WARS that even I, who is nowhere near as big a fan as someone you could probably hit with a stone’s throw, admit to feeling some uncomfortable chafing at times while watching.

STAR WARS is a legit cultural institution by the way, I didn’t just say that for the fun of it - that’s absolutely 100% true. 

Star Wars as a media, as a franchise, has an ebb and flow of patterns, style, symbols, and motifs that dictate a tonal cohesiveness which designates something as recognizable as STAR WARS.  

What I’m doing when I all caps “Star Wars” is I’m trying to defer attention to the known concepts and ideas of Star Wars media as a whole cultural institution and experience rather than just invoking a cluster of films, only I’m trying to do all that just through the written word.

Star Wars is a film and STAR WARS is all that which defines the franchise as well as our shared cultural understanding of said franchise, ya fell me? That’s how I approach talking about this kinda stuff online anyways. I feel most will understand what I’m doing with the capitalization and all that but hey, now ya know ‘fo sure. 

Anyway

Shit y’all! Luke Skywalker is a funky sore spot huh? Loved that too. 

Lets get to that Kylo Ren:

Kylo Ren’s entire set up is that he ain’t Vader and fuck, ain’t that the truth. But in a good way. Duh Kylo Ren is not Vader, he is a different character. And, now, he isn’t even remotely similar to Vader as a STAR WARS character. 

Everything about Kylo Ren is opposed to Darth Vader; while he gain’s definition with this new film Kylo Ren didn’t even remotely start out as a mysterious villain like Vader originally did. 

We all knew, in that STAR WARS fashion, that Kylo Ren had to be tied to the legacy. We all knew that he had to be tied to the lifeblood of the franchise. And Ben Solo absolutely is. 

We knew this before Han ever revealed it through dialogue and that’s why it wasn’t a big reveal in The Force Awakens. Of course Ben Solo turned to the dark side and is Kylo Ren. Of course. Of course he has some weird Vader obsession, the character needed to emulate Vader so as to take up his mantel in the narrative and in the franchise. We needed a baddie in a helmet, stat!

But oh, look what has happened though, oh man:

Luke Skywalker in a moment of fear almost murdered his own nephew  -because he is in STAR WARS. 

We all know if there are Jedi then there is a light and a dark side of the force; we all know that if you are a master of and a teacher in the ways of the force you open yourself and your students up to a choice; and we all know that fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, and hate leads to suffering. 

Kylo Ren being a direct response to Luke friggin’ Skywalker is as far from Vader as you can get but fits just so right within the cleansing fire that is The Last Jedi. 

The hero of the first saga ignited the villain of the next. 

That ain’t very STAR WARS and something tells me that is the biggest kick to the crotch for a lot of folks. 

I, of course, dug the hell outta that choice.

Kylo Ren is actually interesting now. Mischief managed.

The very not subtle social commentary the film was dishing out was a pretty pie to boot. Bit on the nose but hey, ain’t that STAR WARS at least? Didn’t even have to dig this time around, gems sitting right on the surface.  

… Damn, I’m tired. I still have plenty to talk about though. Hmm, well, lets close this out on a different note (and that’s a pun):

The music of STAR WARS is bonkers recognizable. Like, I keep saying Star Wars is a cultural institution that uses motifs and symbols as devices for defining itself, right? Yeah, the use of music in this film is a pitch perfect example of that. 

The Last Jedi seamlessly flows from theme to theme, with specific well known scores highlighting emotional call backs and in-story referenced characters - the use of music is the most traditionalist aspect of this new film (they even shook up the editing this time around - shock and awe). 

Smart though, if they fucked with how STAR WARS did music then even an impassive twerp like me would be pretty upset. 

For my money, the musical score is still the best thing about a good old Star War.