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Anirudh Pisharody as Ravi Panikkar 9-1-1, S05E05

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Eddie 'Mwah' Diaz 9-1-1

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my four boyfriends and Yes they smoke pole

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Well, you said you did this last year. Why are just telling me now?

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anyway season 9 buddie first kiss after one/both of them come so close to dying and they're both crying and the kiss is wet with tears and buck is clutching at fistfulls of eddie's shirt and eddie keeps smoothing both of his thumbs over bucks cheekbones over and over with trembling hands

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an icon and her one liners

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one buddie dynamic that is very interesting to me is how they go about giving information to each other. they are almost complete opposites

buck has never articulated how much eddie means to him (even though he shows him repeatedly!), but keeping information from eddie makes buck feel like he is lying. we see that in 7x05 when he doesn't even care about accidentally outing himself to maddie, but he is losing it over the fact he has not came out to eddie and told him that he was on a date with tommy.

meanwhile, eddie has told buck repeatedly how important he is to him (there's no one i trust more, you are not expendable, you do matter to me), but when it comes to big things, eddie is quick to hide them from buck. i said this in a previous post, but telling buck makes things real for eddie, so he tries to avoid it when he is avoiding how he is feeling about something (tying into eddie's repression). the panic attacks, the ptsd breakdown, kim, moving to texas, the texas job... eddie was just pushing through and being avoidant until buck knew about it. then in almost every scenario, as soon as buck found out, eddie had to confront the issue... break up with ana, therapy, end it with kim, etc.

i find it really fascinating they are polar opposites in this way. and how the things they are repressing within themselves are the things they keep from one another. eddie feels secure with his love for buck (even if he hasn't confronted HOW he loves buck), but he doesn't let himself feel most other things that cause big emotions. buck tells eddie everything, except his own feelings for eddie, which buck is avoidant of

it adds a layer to the blaze thing when eddie is moving because buck tells eddie everything... except when it comes to how he feels about eddie... and as we know, blaze was a symbol for eddie. 'you'd move for a dog?!' but eddie's betrayal was very real because it broke the pattern

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hey

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something really juicy to me about eddie mistaking the absence of overt conflict for harmony. he dodges difficult conversations like it's his day job, and is perpetually surprised when this inevitably blows up in his face.

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points the laser beam that makes you nap at them (est. 2022)

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Chris is in a good place. I don't want to damage him. You're his dad. He doesn't have a mom. If you don't damage him, who will? It's your job. I would have to kick my dad off the bus. They're taking a bus? Yeah, with limited seating, apparently.

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Buck & Eddie 9-1-1, S02E17

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Hello! Would love to request 35 and/or 26 form the intimacy prompts if you are so moved!!! Your writing is incredible, btw!!! 💖

intimacy prompts - play fighting + running your finger down their spine

“Do you think I'm making a mistake?”

“Mistake?”

”This.“ Buck waves a hand around them. “This place, this house. You don’t think I—”

The light in the kitchen flickers. Eddie winces. Buck sighs, tipping his head forward.

They’re sitting on the floor in the middle of the empty living room, trading slow sips from a half crushed water bottle. Eddie can feel his t-shirt sticking to his back despite the AC humming uselessly in the corner. The air is thick with the smell of sweat and fresh paint—evidence of their long day’s work.

The light flickers again. Buck lets out a quiet sound of defeat.

“Hang on.” Eddie braces a hand on the floor, ready to push himself up to stand. “Let me see if I can—”

“No, don’t.” Buck swats his arm gently. "I’ll, uh, I’ll check it again tomorrow,” he says. “But this is exactly what I’m saying. You don’t think I—I don’t know, rushed into this too quickly?”

Eddie shifts, the floorboards beneath him creaking.

Truth is, he does think Buck rushed into this. Hell, he didn’t even tell Eddie before signing the lease. But he gets it. It's not like Eddie’s been the master of communication lately. And it was a good deal, objectively speaking. Eddie didn’t really catch the details, just that the owners were desperate enough to overlook Buck’s disaster of a credit score and rent the place out for him for half its worth. The catch being that has to fix everything up himself.

And yeah, there’s still a hell of a lot to fix, but this is exactly the kind of place Eddie can see Buck making his own. It’s a little old, a little small, but it’s charming—big windows, nice hardwood floors. There’s even a small garden in the back he’s sure Buck will take care of, coax it into something alive and beautiful.

And if Eddie’s chest aches a little remembering the way Buck lit up when he first told him he’d found himself the perfect place—well. Some things you just have to carry quiet.

“Why do you think that?” he asks, realizing Buck is still waiting for an answer.

“Just something Maddie said.”

“Maddie said it’s a mistake?” Eddie frowns.

“Not in so many words but I think she thinks—I don’t know. It just feels like it’s what I’m supposed to do, you know? The next big step. Except now it’s starting to feel a little like—like one step forward two steps back with this place.”

Which, yeah, it’s exactly what fixing up an old, broken house feels like. Eddie could have told him that earlier, if Buck had bothered—

Doesn’t matter.

Eddie reaches for the water bottle and takes a long gulp, tries not to think about his lips being right where Buck’s were mere minutes ago.

“I think,” Eddie starts slowly, testing the words as he says them. “I think if this is what you want, it’ll be good for you.”

Buck is quiet for a few moments, eyes fixed on the wall in front of them, quite literally watching the paint dry.

”I don't know what I want,” he admits finally, voice small.

“You don’t?”

Buck exhales—something between a sigh and a humorless laugh. “No, that's a lie.” He flops back onto the floor, covering his eyes with his forearm. “I know what I want,” he says. “I just thought it would feel different, that it would be easier somehow, you know? But it’s just me, moving into another place that doesn’t feel—“

Doesn’t feel like home.

Eddie opens his mouth, but Buck speaks first.

“Living in your house felt easy.” He shifts his legs like he’s trying to get comfortable but can’t quite manage it.

Eddie’s eyes catch on a smudge of paint on Buck’s inner thigh—light green, right under the hem of his shorts. His fingers itch to scrub it clean, reveal that extra bit of skin. He takes another long sip of water instead.

“Yeah?” he asks.

“I mean not at first, but I think that was mostly about—“ Buck exhales, sharp through his nose. “About missing you guys.”

Buck curls in slightly, arms folding around his middle and something clicks. Buck doesn’t want this. Buck just doesn’t know he’s allowed to want anything else.

And Eddie—Eddie needs to tell him. Needs to say something.

He leans back on his elbows, close enough where he doesn’t need to speak too loud. “We really missed you too, you know,” he says, before lying all the way down next to Buck.

“You did?”

“Of course we did,” Eddie says, then adds, “I did.”

“I didn’t know that.“

Eddie breathes out a short laugh. “Jesus, Buck. Were the twenty FaceTimes a day not enough of a clue?”

“It’s not like we never FaceTimed before Texas.”

Eddie laughs again. “You know I hate to stroke your ego—“ (A lie. He absolutely loves stroking Buck’s ego.) “But I was kind of a mess. I was already a mess before, as you’re well aware, but I didn’t realize how hard it would be—not seeing you. And I should have told you that but—“

“Why didn’t you?” Buck asks, like it's that simple.

Eddie shrugs. “Could ask you the same thing.”

“That’s different.”

“Why?”

“I—“ Buck pauses. “I don’t think I can tell you that.”

“I think you can. Think you can tell me anything,” Eddie says. And he means it. There isn’t a single thing in the world Buck could tell him that he wouldn’t want to hear.

Buck shifts a little closer, nudging Eddie’s arm. “How about you tell me something first?” There’s an unexpected challenge in his voice. It makes Eddie feel light, all of a sudden. Giddy almost.

“Okay, I—okay.” Eddie bites back a smile, mouth twisting as he searches of something to say. “Remember that time my car was at the garage and I had to carpool to work with you?”

“Of course I do. You should really find another mechanic, by the way. Changing a tail light should not take a full week.”

“It didn’t.”

Buck frowns, brows drawn together in confusion. “What?”

“They fixed it the next day. I just…kept delaying picking it up. I liked it. You driving me around.”

Buck looks at him like he’s trying to make sense of a puzzle that doesn’t add up.

“You’re lying,” he says, squinting a little. It’s cute.

“Am I?”

“Eddie. You realize that’s insane, right? You could have just asked me to drive you.”

“Hey, at least I let you pick the music,” Eddie grins, propping himself up to reach for the water bottle.

Buck reaches for it at the same time. Their hands collide and the bottle tips, water splashing across the floor.

“Oh, come on,” Buck laughs. “Look what you did.”

“What I did?” Eddie shoots back, brows lifting. “Pretty sure it was your grabby hands.”

“What, these?” Buck wiggles his fingers before lunging straight for Eddie’s ribs.

Eddie jerks, laughing. He tries to squirm away, but Buck is right there, jabbing at his sides. He catches Buck’s wrists and pushes him back. Buck tries to wiggle free but Eddie just holds on tighter. He rolls half on top of him and pins both his hands to his chest.

“Your turn,” he says, breathless and grinning.

“My turn?” Buck asks, watching the way Eddie’s fingers curl around his wrists.

“Yes. Tell me something.”

Buck shakes his head, laughing a little. “Oh, is that the game we’re playing now?”

“He’s finally catching up.” Eddie lets go and lies back down beside him, closer than before.

“Dick.” Buck punches him lightly on the shoulder. “Okay, let me think…”

Buck drums his fingers on his chest, deep in thought, and Eddie thinks this feels a lot like being a teenager—young and in love, lying in the back of his dad’s old pickup truck. Sweaty palms, racing heart, telling himself to just kiss her already.

He’s not so sixteen anymore. And instead of gazing up at the stars, they’re staring at a flaky, water-stained ceiling. But everything else hits just the same.

He glances over at Buck. “Thought of something yet?” he asks, voice softer now.

Buck nods. “I uh—“ He clears his throat. “I stole your laundry detergent.”

Eddie barks out a laugh, running his hands over his face. “You what?”

“I’m sorry, okay? We were packing your stuff and I—I panicked and I sort of…hid it.”

“You hid it,” Eddie repeats, delighted. “Was there… a reason for this?”

“Yes! No. I don’t know. I just—I like how it smells.” Buck has gone completely pink. “And I didn’t think you’d notice if I took it, which—you didn’t, by the way.”

“Uh huh.”

“I thought it would be nice, you know? If I could keep that smell around the house.”

“I guess that’s fair,” Eddie says.

“Yeah? You don’t think it’s weird?”

“Oh, it’s weird as hell, man.” Eddie shifts a little closer, presses his shoulder against Buck’s. “But who am I to judge?”

They’re both quiet for a moment, just breathing together.

“Hey, it’s your turn,” Buck says eventually. And if they weren’t lying so close together, maybe Eddie would have missed the way his voice cracks just the tiniest bit. But he doesn’t.

He takes a deep breath and starts talking. “Remember that day we made plans to go hiking but it was like—” He chuckles softly, “the universe had other plans?“ He shifts onto his side to face Buck.

Buck catches the movement, mirrors him.

“I thought you didn’t believe in The Universe,” he mocks.

Eddie rolls his eyes and continues. “We kept getting distracted and then it started raining and then Chris’s school called to tell me he was sick…”

Buck nods, smiling at the memory. “You went to pick him up and I went to get pizza.”

“You ended up spending the whole day on the couch with us. I think Chris forgot he wasn’t feeling well by the end of the night.” The kitchen light flickers again, but Eddie doesn’t look away. He’s too busy watching the blue of Buck’s eyes. “That was the first time I realized I wanted to kiss you.”

Buck draws in a sharp breath. “That was over a year ago.”

“I know.”

It’s terrifying. Too big. Life altering. But it’s also so, so incredibly easy.

“Do you still want to?”

“Kiss you?” Eddie chuckles, low and a little breathless. He can’t help the way his gaze flickers to Buck’s mouth. “Every day.”

“You should.”

“Yeah?” Eddie murmurs, voice dropping. Their knees knock together as he shifts closer.

It’s Buck who leans in first. The kiss starts slow, searching, soft lips moving together. Then Eddie groans into his mouth, and something shifts. His hand slips under the hem of Buck’s shirt, fingers spreading over warm skin. Buck pulls him in harder, lips parting like he’s starving for it. Like he’s been waiting too.

Eddie pushes even closer, knee wedged firmly between Buck’s thighs, their hips nearly flushed. He runs a hand down Buck’s spine, nails dragging just a little bit, making Buck shudder.

“I want to share my detergent with you,” Eddie mumbles between kisses.

Buck huffs out a laugh, dazed. “What?”

“Break your lease.” A kiss to Buck’s jaw. Another to the corner of his mouth. “Move your stuff back, come live with us.”

“Eddie, I can’t just—“

“You can.” Eddie cups the side of Buck’s face, forces him to meet his eyes. “Buck, you can. If you want.”

Buck looks at him for a long beat.

“I want.”

Eddie lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding, presses their foreheads together.

“Good.”

[starbuckaroo]

The real world sucks. That's the beauty of this place. It can be anything that you want it to be. You can have it all here. Like the family you never had. I do have a family.

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drown in good intentions (never quench the fire)

buck/eddie | complete | 7 chapters | 87k | feat. jealous buck, gay eddie, fake dating that buck is tragically uninvolved with, light angst, a deep love of romcoms, alternating POV

“You’re going to be her fake boyfriend?” Chimney is even more thrilled than he was two seconds ago. “I might,” Eddie says. “I had no idea that was a thing that people did outside of–well,” Hen adds cryptically. “That’s insane,” Buck says. “So–so people were insane and creepy when they just thought you were dating and you’re gonna confirm it and what? Make it a million times worse? I thought–” “Please do not bring up that stupid Hildy again.” “He’s got a point, Eddie,” Hen says. “I wouldn’t have taken you for the type.” “Is there a type of person who pretends to date celebrities?” Eddie says. “Well, it’s not you,” Buck whines. “I’m just–I would just be doing it as a favor,” Eddie scrambles to explain. He’s worried that he can’t. Bobby, who’s been ominously silent this entire time, finally comes in with the steel chair. “I thought you were ready to start dating,” he says, which. Eddie doesn’t think that’s remotely close to the point. “Yeah, Eddie,” Buck echoes, all narrowed eyes and petulance, aggressively attempting to spear a tomato on his plate while maintaining eye contact. “I…I don’t think the blind dates were really working out.” “So you’re trying to get out of your aunt’s setups, again. And this is what you’re going with?” Hen says, eyebrows raised. “I did not say that, I very much did not say that. I don’t–I hadn’t even thought about telling Pepa I’m seeing Felisa, to be honest.” But isn’t that a thought. “I just thought a break would be nice, you know? I can find someone at my own pace, organically.” A chorus of protests and objections, to the tune of “how are you going to meet someone organically when everybody thinks you’re dating someone else”, breaks out across the table. “Oh, he’s gonna find someone organically, alright,” Chimney interrupts. “Obviously, he’s gonna fall in love with Felisa.” Buck promptly begins to choke on his salad. Chimney looks towards the rest for approval. “Come on, guys! The Buckley boy, well, the bar is pretty low there,” Chimney continues, pointedly ignoring Buck’s predicament. “But I expected the rest of you to have watched a rom-com or two in your lifetime.” Bobby, nodding solemnly, says, “The Proposal.”

Or: Eddie pretends to date Felisa Valdez, a normal thing to do, for normal reasons. Buck acts normal about it.

on ao3!

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like imagine you’re tim minear and you decide to be edgy and kill off your beloved main of 8 years after promising you’d never do that, not on your show that’s not what this is all about haha don’t even worry. but lol it’s edgy and shocking and needed for realism (even though in this season alone another beloved character survived an unsurvivable throat slashing with essentially no complications) and so that obviously means it’s good. and then the ep gets a 4.0 rating on imdb and major blowback from both devoted fans and general audiences because the way you killed off said beloved main sucked absolute dogshit. and then there were a weird amount of hints and inconsistencies and leaks that pointed to the character being alive after all, which thank god for you because again, 4.0 on imdb. and you have time to walk it back even if you were originally going to stick to your guns because of the hiatus. but instead you decide the best approach is to spend 40 minutes of the highly anticipated memorial episode on a b plot about a character believing their loved one to be alive after being declared dead, despite the fact that the character you killed’s widow doesn’t seem to even be operating under this delusion anyway. and instead of using that heavy handed metaphor to bring the beloved character back, which would be perfectly in line with the entire shows whole deal, you give all the main characters who loved him best approximately 8 seconds of screentime to express their grief. so not only did you waste that b plot to make a point that didn’t need to be made, you fucked it so bad that you couldn’t even deliver the heart wrenching send off you teased for weeks while smugly telling reporters how important it was for the future of the show that you do this. and also you’re bald

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The importance of eye contact in stressful situations