#people who come to love me in these kinds of friendships like really love me for me yk? like i am sm more than just the role
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
If You Know You Know
I don’t know how many times I’ll have to say this, it must be tiring for some, but I need to reiterate this CLEARLY to be properly understood:
I WILL NEVER SHIP THEM WITH ANYONE ELSE.
This makes absolutely no sense to me. The only reason I’m here is to support Luke and Nicola as a couple. I’ve never done anything like this before, and I won’t do it again after them. Hopefully, if they become an official couple, I’ll step away because my purpose will be fulfilled.
I joined this fandom because I saw something extraordinary between them, something I’ve never witnessed in my entire life. Their connection felt so unique and undeniable. Other relationships, real or supposed, simply don’t matter to me in this context. I initially believed people supported them because they, too, recognized the magic between them. But clearly, that’s not the case for everyone, which is disappointing.
To me, there’s no point in being part of the Lukola fandom if you don’t genuinely support both of them together. To be clear, I deeply admire and respect both actors, and I support their careers wholeheartedly. But that’s not why I’m here. I’m not here to support two talented actors, I’m here for their LOVE, for that incredible bond they share.
I’ve seen many relationships in my life, but nothing like this. Their dynamic is something rare, something worth rooting for.
To be a true shipper is to stand firm in your belief, to celebrate the connection you see and cherish without hiding behind the guise of "realism" or "pragmatism" to spread negativity. If you don’t believe in the ship, that’s fine, but then, why stay? Why participate only to criticize those who do have faith?
Truly shipping them isn’t about constant doubt or spreading cynicism; it’s about what you see and feel between the two people you root for. For those of us who support Lukola, our belief stems from the extraordinary connection we’ve witnessed between Luke and Nicola. It’s something that doesn’t come along every day.
It’s not about shipping every supposed relationship they might have, that approach dilutes the magic of what we see in them. Even if they confirm that they are indeed in those relationships, will I support those ones? Not really because I’ve seen many of those; if they love it, I like it .Their lives, their choices. Not every relationship needs to be shipped, and that’s okay. If Lukola isn’t your ship, then jump ship. No one is asking you to believe, but also, don’t bring your doubt and negativity into a space meant for those who trust and support this connection.
This space is for believers, for those who see and celebrate something extraordinary. If you can’t see it or choose not to, that’s fine, but don’t pollute the energy of those who do. We’re here for Luke and Nicola together, and our faith in them doesn’t need validation from those who don’t share it. Let us enjoy this space as it’s meant to be a celebration of love, connection, and the beauty of their bond.
It’s not about being delusional or not accepting the facts as reality. It’s about recognizing something profound, something rare that transcends other real or supposed connections. We don’t believe their bond is just platonic, just PR, or just friendship. If you still think that you need actively LISTEN and pay a closer look and EAR at what is publicly available. It goes beyond that. What we see is something that defies the boundaries of ordinary relationships.
This isn’t about diminishing the significance of other relationships they may have; it’s about acknowledging that what Luke and Nicola share is singular, a once in a lifetime kind of connection. It’s not something that can be replicated or overshadowed. It’s more.
This ship isn’t built on superficial observations or wishful thinking, it’s rooted in what they’ve shown us. It’s something you don’t see every day, and certainly not in every connection. It’s about believing in the rarity of what they have and celebrating it for the unique bond it is.
For those of us who believe, this feels more like something bigger, more meaningful, and more enduring than any fleeting moment.
This corner of the internet wasn’t created to be all things to all people, it was built with a clear and intentional purpose: to celebrate, believe in, and support the connection between Luke and Nicola. It’s a space rooted in trust, admiration, and the shared belief that what they have is rare and extraordinary.
If someone finds that they no longer resonate with that purpose, that’s okay. People grow, perspectives shift, and interests change. But the respectful and graceful thing to do is to quietly take your leave. Staying to criticize or sow negativity only detracts from the energy and intention of the space, which is to uplift and celebrate, not to argue or debate.
This community thrives on faith and positivity. It’s for those who still see the magic, who choose to believe, and who want to nurture a space filled with that same belief. If that’s no longer where your heart lies, it’s perfectly fine to move on, do the same if you think that we’re crazy, but let us continue to build on the foundation that brought them here.
"If you know, you know."This phrase perfectly encapsulates what it means to believe in something that isn’t always spelled out but is undeniably felt. Like the kind of connection that doesn’t need an announcement because it’s there, plain as day, for those who see it.
“If you know, you know" speaks to the undeniable energy and chemistry between Luke and Nicola. In their silence, because sometimes, what’s not said speaks louder than words.
For those who know, no explanation is necessary. For those who don’t, no explanation will ever be enough. That’s the beauty of it. Some things are felt, not proven, and if you know, you know.
176 notes
·
View notes
Text
Full thoughts on season 7! (Or at least, as many as I can remember, sleep-deprived and emotional as I am)
Starting off positive: things I liked!
THE RUTHARI REUNION WAS EVERYTHING
Runaan's gentle kiss to Ethari's hand? The way the camera rotated around them for their kiss?? Their hug afterwards??? Ethari's little "my heart"???? This was worth the six-year wait
The moonfam in general was one of my favorite things about this season. Runaan calling Rayla his daughter again, his and Ethari's unconditional support of her, the way they interacted with Callum... it was exactly what I dreamed of
And speaking of Runaan: his speech to Ezran in 7x09 will be living in my head forever. The way his tears weren't pretty, they were real. The was he said "I'm alive". It was such a stunning conclusion to his arc
On that note: the voice acting? Spectacular. Callum and Soren had me in floods of tears when they met in the ruins of Katolis. And don't even get me started on Zubeia during her fight with Avizandum
The lighting and music were also so on-point
TERRY'S REDEMPTION ARC LET'S GO
His speech to Claudia was stunning
Also, his "hello, Zuko here" moment made me cackle
I love that he and Soren are on their way to friendship, I always thought they'd get along
I also really liked that Aanya was present throughout the season! Every time she was in an action scene I was screaming
I thought the plotline with Miyana being pregnant was really interesting, because it presents a moral dilemma that isn't explored a lot. Plus, the way Karim reacted, calling the baby his heir and never his child, was very telling of his mindset and priorities
This is going to sound really weird, but I loved the moment of Rayla taking up Runaan's bow to fulfill his promise. Like, obviously it's tragic and I was in tears, but also, it really shows her respecting Callum's agency? She was able to respect his choice and put his wishes above her own needs, and it was cool to see
I'm so glad they addressed the bird theory. There was way too much of a focus on Pip for it not to go somewhere
Things I disliked:
There were times when the animation really threw me off. Like, after Callum froze all the guards in 7x02 and they were trying to break free, they were just... tapping the ice with their weapons. Really slowly. It kind of axed any urgency. And during Ezran's speech at the end, some of the characters in the background were just... done in a completely different style? I'm sure it was a reference to something, but as someone who doesn't know what that was, it really took me out of what was supposed to be an important scene
There was a lot of explaining things over and over. Yes, we know Aaravos never lies, you don't have to keep telling us. Yes, we know the Orphan Queen wielded the nova blade, you don't have to keep telling us. Yes, we know people are not all good or all evil. You used to be really good at showing that instead of making speeches about it once an episode
Also just a lot of monologuing? Like, why did Callum have to explain in detail to Aaravos his plan to trap him before he did it? I know we the audience needed to know but from a strategic point of view, it was... not the smartest he's ever been. It would have made more sense if he was trying to explain it to Rayla, I think
It didn't really... feel like a finale. They left a lot of loose ends open, and beyond that, it felt like there was very little payoff for things that had been set up throughout the arc. Why did we spend two seasons looking for the nova blade if we were never going to use it? Why did we spend all arc foreshadowing Callum's corruption if it was never going to happen? I get that they left it for arc 3, but even so, the resolution of an arc should still feel like a resolution, much like arc 1 did
(Also, are we ever going to come back to that hallucination Callum had? Like, is he not at all concerned by the fact that he had a conversation with himself with seemingly no magical involvement?)
I wish we had gotten to see Anya act like a person. It was great to have her around, but it felt like she was in queen mode the entire time, and I'm really curious about who she is beyond the crown
Finally- the thing that I disliked the most was the way things with Callum, Ezran, Rayla, and Runaan were handled in 7x02, because it made it very hard for me to root for Callum and Rayla afterwards. I totally understand that Rayla has an attachment to Runaan and Callum has an attachment to Rayla, but neither of them seemed to actually consider Ezran at all. Like, here is this twelve-year-old boy, who just lost the home he lived in his entire life. Who lost his father at a very young age and, as a direct result, was forced into a responsibility that he absolutely should not have had to carry. I feel like at the very least the people who are supposed to love him the most could say, "hey, I understand that you're angry" instead of treating him like he's totally unreasonable. And then! They just leave him! A twelve-year-old who just lost his entire home! Who has literally no other family! And whenever they talk about mending things, it's never, "oh, I'm sorry I left, I'm sorry I never took time to validate how you were feeling", it was just "we're family, we'll find our way back to each other eventually". That's not how it works. When there's a hurt like that, you don't just stop being angry without coming to an understanding. I love Runaan, and I wanted him to be free and happy, but I also think that he did in fact commit a murder (yes, technically just of a bird, but he didn't know that) and it's reasonable to expect him to face some consequences. Even if it's just, like, community service. You can be merciful without condoning
But just to be clear: I have absolutely no ill will for anyone with different views on this plot point. My frustration with it is more from a personal perspective than a writing one- my dad was killed a few years ago, so I'm siding with Ezran from an emotional standpoint. But I thought the plot was worth mentioning, since it really affected how I viewed the rest of the season
Overall, as a season, book 7 had a lot of moments that I really loved and will be rewatching very often. But as a potential sendoff, it didn't really leave me with much of a sense of closure. Fingers crossed for arc 3, I suppose!
#the dragon prince#the dragon prince spoilers#tdp spoilers#tdp#tdp callum#tdp rayla#tdp ezran#tdp runaan#tdp soren#tdp terry#tdp ethari#tdp zubeia#tdp claudia#ruthari#rayllum#ray rambles
29 notes
·
View notes
Note
u don’t have to answer but how do u long for someone u loved so much at 14 while also being deeply committed to your partner. no judgement in pbk land i am just a lil drunk and trying to understand
i will try my best to explain this but being very frank (and not at all in a negative way!!) i think we are probably just two fundamentally different people with two vastly different concepts of what constitutes love and longing
the short answer is simply bc they are different people. my love for this person (ill call them j) and my partner are separate things. because they are just separate humans and separate experiences. the things i love about them sometimes overlap but they are both my people in different ways. i would never compare them.
its all very messy but all three of us are close also. like this person is my partners best friend and the whole arrangement is kind of complicated and idk how much i wanna air my business out kfjfshdkj. tldr is that me and j love each other very deeply in a way that is not romantic nor quite platonic and they are someone that will always be in my life. we did try romance sort of but they are aro and i dont think that feeling is what i feel for them anyway. its different to what my partner makes me feel.
so the sense of love and longing is not the exact same though it's probably closer to 'romance' then what we view typically as friendship. like i hold them in my lap and other gay shit lol
im the kind of queer that is very free love about these kinds of things. my partner has a qpr who i dont know and everything too
my partner is my life partner and the person i feel closest to in my life. it is romantic of course but its also more than that. i talk to him about everything and trust in him to communicate and vice versa. if im jealous or lonely or scared - i tell him and we work it out and he does the same for me and we check in on each other all the time. he comes first and he always will.
but my love and affection for someone else does not dim my love for him. love isnt a scarce resource i have to preserve but something i give of my own will. its not a threat because there's nothing to threaten. no love will replace him because it's not like anyone can be him any way.
when your love for someone transcends the role they fill in your life, a lot of doors open about who and how you love i think. i fall in love and experience affection for people as they are if i had to put it to words. not because of what they can do or a desire for connection but because the experience of them, specifically, moves me. i cant really speak for other people but for me its like that.
im not someone who really personally subscribes to monogamy and i never really have. my partner and i have had a more open relationship for all of it pretty much with some years and my trust in him has only deepened over time and through several wounds.
i long and crave and miss people because they are who they are. no person is replaceable ykwim. so the absence of someone cant be filled by someone else and it also cant be changed by another person. my partner is my life partner and the man i want to marry someday.
but j is my j. i love them because they have silly idiosyncrasies. theyre a talented artist and skittish with affection and sensitive. and i love them so deeply it makes me sick. i love how much they try for me.
and i love my partner just as much. we'll spend new years together, all three of us (and j's whole family dsjfjsld) - but im seeing them both separately and im sure they'll see each other separately too
so its like these things are not contradictory to me in anyway. they're not feelings in conflict with one another inside of me at all. its complicated but relationships are always that way
i hope that made a little sense!! its kind of hard to explain without extra context!!
#return to sender#j is the only other person i have ever loved that deeply aside from my partner#they're special to me thats all. and we're still in each others lives#i love them so much it makes me timid and kind of cowardly but i love my partner so much i can be brave about it#i need both of them in my life though
41 notes
·
View notes
Text
Young adult contemporary coming-of-age story (releases 4/16, I read an early copy from Netgalley)
Follows two first-year students at Wellesley College who run dueling anonymous advice columns and befriend each other in real life as they bonded over both being aroace, unaware of the other's internet identity
Platonic love story
Explores themes like aroace identity, finding community, being the queer child of immigrants, and trying to find your place in the world as a young adult looking towards the future
Love letter to platonic/familial love and finding community
Aromantic asexual Chinese American protagonist; aromantic asexual gender-questioning/nonbinary (she/they) protagonist; lots of QPOC side characters
#i got an arc of this and read in basically one day while on a road trip!#i found it very engaging/easy to read#the feud between the main characters is very petty but they're both still quite likable#sophie is very relatable to me as someone who until recently was also a type-a student at a liberal arts college#i think the characters balance each other out very well also#like sophie is very organized and jo is a bit more of a mess#but jo is also less confident in her identity#this talks a lot about aroace identity and i hope that will make a lot of people feel seen#personally i really loved seeing a college coming-of-age story about friendship#because the friendships i formed in college were personally wayyy more important to me than dating#so even though i don't identify as aroace part of me still felt very seen#(that and i knew a lot of aspec people in college)#their feud is kind of petty and terminally online but that's kind of the point in the end#okay i do have to say though#jo's music taste as a dj is SO basic#also this comped to loveless and the half of it so it did amuse me that those are name-dropped in the story#actually there are some aro/ace books that are mentioned though not by name#i think i caught a reference to elatsoe and another one to fire becomes her?#that was cute ngl#dear wendy#ann zhao#2023 reads#lulu speaks#lulu reads#lulu reads dear wendy#books
19 notes
·
View notes
Note
you inspire me to have kissy friends i love that but im still fighting being awkward about intimacy 😭💔
for me i understand myself and the way i love p well, and being v simplistic about it the line between platonic and romantic isn't there for me if i think ur cute and cool, i am just getting to know n appreciate u as a person! fundamentally.. which ways our connection blossoms and our dynamics will come about naturally :3 i am p open though!! i am honest and love giving ppl compliments and positive feedback; there r a couple different ways i could go about being more affectionate and intimate with a friend.
one is when u just are getting to know someone as a friend, u can ask about their boundaries and let them know u r affectionate with friends!! if they are too then there u go ♡
the other is becoming closer and comfortable with someone and u feel something shift in ur relationship, and u can tell them u would like to be more affectionate and if they r okay with that ask what they are comfortable with :3
the fun one is recognizing a mutual brain break going on realtime 👁️👁️ if you're not brave enough to say anything in the moment u can always confess later and tell them ur having Thoughts about them and get a feel for how they feel abt you. you can offer them More and it doesn't have to change ur relationship with each other.
the common thread is being communicative and talking about boundaries, and if ur having a hard time w emotional intimacy i think a great place to start is being more open and honest ♡ wear ur heart on ur sleeve. even if u don't feel comfortable or brave enough to tell ur friends u love them, there's nothing stopping you from telling them Why u love them. i love complimenting ppl and thanking them and telling them i had fun, i tell them when they look cute and love their outfits and what i love specifically or I'll hype up ur jewelry or hair change etc; if I'm feeling sentimental about something between us i will tell u how i feel and make sure u know u are appreciated.
i don't give compliments or praise or sentiments expecting anything in return, I'm just communicating my thoughts yk? take it as is and do with it what u will kind of thing, i just like being open!! i am of the opinion that people could stand to hear how great they are more often (✿ ‚‚⌒‿⌒‚‚) I'd like 2 think everybody likes feeling Seen, appreciated, understood, praised.
it's a lovely conversation starter but sometimes u just find someone u rly click with and as a dynamic i think practicing openness and honesty with each other on the little things makes room for u to be comfortable communicating bigger more sentimental and intimate things later on if ur friendship is going like that ♡
and with the boy specifically it was a combination of things.. we already had a great friendship and we had gotten a lot closer and more comfortable with each other conversationally, but phew i hadn't seen him in a good couple months i think?? and over that time i became comfortable with myself and Very t4t, and i got a lot hotter too when i went from fem to stem and he hadn't seen me in my masc era yet lol. not in person at least
anyways his birthday was coming up and i wanted to offer him a chain like mine and to make him a collar, and i was gonna go bring him his chain after work as a gift ^.^ ♡ when we finally got to see each other again oh my god lol he was in a sleeveless top w his arms out and For Some Reason i was more attracted to him than i had ever been 💀 i was trying not to stare too hard bc the whole time internally i was like AAAAA HE'S HOT HELP AKSKSKAK, BUT ☝🏾😌 I've had enough mutual brain breaks going on to know when someone's rly feeling me and i could tell lol. i originally just meant to stop by Real Quick but i ended up staying and hanging out for the evening (。ノω\。) i wasn't brave enough to say anything at first but i could not stop thinking about his shoulders and upper back and neck for like 2 days straight and i had to say Something.
being deliriously horny about him i was like GIRL OMFG DON'T DIE WONDERING TELL HIM SOMETHING and i sent him this 🙈
and he was glad i said something and was straightforward bc he was also having thoughts but wasn't sure if he could/should say anything ʕ ꈍᴥꈍʔ ♡ so we talked about boundaries and we're still friends like we were but we're affectionate with each other now too and it's a sweet way to deepen our friendship. we r exploring being sweet friends together 👩🏽🤝👩🏾 butch4butch t4t real...
i have a good idea of how i want to navigate polyamory but putting it into practice and loving my friends more intentionally, fundamentally and to the fullest w my current perspective is new for me! and being affectionate in general is new to him, so I'm happy that we can be vulnerable and brave about it together ♡ i can be a lil clumsy and he can be a lil awkward but i think we're very cute 😌🥰 he's a good boy (っ˘з(˘⌣˘ ) ♡
this ain't exactly a guide but it's a bit of what i got going on, take what u will from it (。・ω・。)ノ to be open with ur friends is a beautiful thing and i think things tend to develop naturally. i wish u the best of luck on ur quest w intimacy 🫶🏾
#v stoned rn so sry for rambling sm but i love love and could truly talk in sm other directions/depths abt it#so ty for the ask bc i am happy to talk and think about The Boy ♡ and yeah i hope this is at least a little helpful in some way#i have sm different thoughts and feelings about this man.. the way I've had a secret crush on him multiple times (。ノω\。)#he's very charming and considerate and is wonderful company#i think I've cooled off enough though and i rly enjoy what we have going on rn ^.^#i like having friends I'm like this with more than the idea of dating someone. esp after 11 yrs of monogamy#like the relationships themselves were great and there's 2 specifically when i say 11yrs bc i was w these ppl for 5 and 6 yrs respectively#but they were also socially isolating and suffocating and unsatisfying in different ways ૮ – ﻌ–ა i think what I'm doing is more fun#and fulfilling for me :3 i don't like having to live up to the Idea of a partner esp in a social/community way esp when the community is#cishet ppl and they push gender expectations on u but like.. in a gender dysphoria inducing way. obv depends on the fam#but it's just a lot less pressure and a different dynamic and it feels a lot more genuine and intimate in that I'm sm more#comfortable being open w my friends‚ and since the foundation is me loving them fundamentally i feel like#people who come to love me in these kinds of friendships like really love me for me yk? like i am sm more than just the role#i can fulfill for u and i feel like i can really be all that and be seen and be appreciated w my friends more bc the pressure's not#there interpersonally or socially. we just talk‚ we hang out‚ we're vulnerable with each other‚ we accept each other‚ luv each other for#who we are. no one's expectations are on us and we don't have expectations of each other. just some sort of sweet relationship that#can always be taken in whatever direction we want as long as we're on the same page w each other ૮ ᴖﻌᴖა
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
it is unfortunate when i go to prayer and cry my eyes out and the only response i really hear is that i simply have to bear it. like usually i can get my emotions out and once they’re settled i hear a rational solution but it sucks when i don’t get the answer i want. i just have to keep waiting. like normally i hear something that gives me strength but wow apparently i’ve hit a new low
#literally all my problems would be so much easier to deal with if i had friends#and normally i’d be told ‘do this and you’ll probably find friends’#my plan has always been just to wait for someone to find me bc i’m horribly shy and antisocial#even though logically i know that’s a bad way of going about it#my logical rational analytical brain has always been obsessed with finding concrete answers. it’s always been ‘what can *I* do’#so even when i suffer there’s a part of me that says ‘it’s ok once i’m done crying i can work this out and go right back to trying’#i’ve been emotionally dead for years but i’ve always held onto faith like that#tonight i feel like i’ve been brought low. i feel like i’ve finally been told that i might just have to wait after all#which i might think would be comforting bc it absolves me of responsibility#but it’s actually crushing bc it absolves me of power#i feel like i’m finally facing the realization that i’m powerless and pathetic and i’m never going to be able to fix myself#that i can try as hard as i want but i can’t shake off this cross#but i don’t know how long i have to wait for someone to find me#and even if they find me how do i not fumble it#my first instinct is to push people away bc i assume they’re not really interested they’re just trying to be nice#which is usually true#i don’t even know how to sustain casual friendships and im so desperately in need of deep ones#i can’t open up to someone without just breaking apart and making it clear how pathetic i am#one would think i ought to find someone better than myself who can fix me#but on the other hand i think the only time that the good parts of me come out is when im facing someone even worse than me#like i have a tendency to morph into the opposite of the other person in any given situation to maintain healthy balance#so like when surrounded by extroverts which is almost always i become an introvert#it’s rare to meet an introvert but then i become stronger and more extroverted around them. like something in me just loves helping others#even though i can’t help myself#what do i pray for? a fellow pathetic person? or someone with the patience and kindness and life knowledge of a saint?#will either of them really be found just by chance in my life?#and even if i do meet someone. truly i wish they’d also be lonely. i want them to need me#i don’t want to be a pity charity case. like a side project for someone with real friends already
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
misery despair suffering etc etc
#purrs#delete later#two thoughts about separate things both causing the despair. thought / thing number 1 which i think ive talked abt on here many times before#but im saying it again: i am not good at being a friend in the ways my friends need me to be a friend. and in the ways friendship is thought#of societally i guess. i isolate myself constantly. i pull away from the opportunity to get closer with people i don’t know as well. i don’t#text back and then when im finally ready it’s been so egregiously long since it was appropriate for me to respond or reciprocate or#whatever it is i am so crushed by guilt and shame and embarrassment that i can’t bring myself to do it. i have so many unread messages and i#wont even let myself open them. and ive been like this for years. and i hurt someone very badly many years ago by being that way. and it was#more complicated than that but sometimes i remember it and how i acted and how i treated them. and i wonder sometimes if they check up on me#and i don’t want to be immature or weird or whatever for talking about it or wondering that openly. but if you do read this and you know who#you are: i am so sorry. i meant whst i said that i would never stop wishing you well and hoping the very best for you. and i hope you have#all of that and more. and im so sorry for not being brave enough to communicate with you or stick around. i really really am. and im sorry#to all the other people i have hurt by pulling away and shutting down and shrinking inside myself and not talking. ik it’s weird to post#that instead of just telling people directly but it’s the guilt. i am fully aware of how many people / groups of people i owe things to /#for but also just… miss. a lot. and want to talk to even though i won’t let myself. i don’t know why im like this and i don’t know how to#stop. but im sorry im not a good friend or even acquaintance or community member. and im talking to everyone now i guess including anyone#reading this bc god knows how many asks and messages i have on here. im sorry. i want to be a better friend. but i also never have spoons. a#and i also want to stay spoonless and cocooned on myself forever and never come out. and i hate that. i want to be a friend. i want to be#kind and giving and loving and generous in the ways you all have been with me. i want to hang out with people and send messages and be there#to lift people up and celebrate with them. but all i can muster is tapping like on social media and it’s horrific. i have gifts to make and#hello / checking in messages to reply to and roleplay starters to post and i just can’t do it right now and im scared i’ll never be able to#again. but it’s a self fulfilling prophecy. if i say i can’t do it then iwont. it’s not enougu to just be aware of it i have to act on it#and change it. but im exhausted and hurting right now and i have been for years and i need to heal first but what if this is healing.#idk. i rambled on that for much longer than i thought i would so nowim gonna say the second thing in a separate post. and it’ll be weird to#post about that in light of this and it’ll be weird to post this at all. but its been weighing on me so heavily today and i don’t want#anyone to think im ignoring them or not aware of being like this or whatever. and posting into the void is easier than telling individual#people to your faces even though i know it’s cowardly. im really truly sorry. i will try to get better once i have the strength to try.#actually yeah no not gonna say the second thing yet. it would be weird to say it now. this needs to sit a little first
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
no because i get so stuck on how endless everything feels, how life is so long and these horrible habits i have now are part of my life story forever but
life is so long. every little good choice i make will add up. i don’t have to fix everything today, it can take time
#idk if it’s the capitalism or the time blindness or what but there’s very much an innate must be doing must be fixing must be winning#and like. it doesn’t work for me. it doesn’t help me#i just need to take my steps slowly and let progress come with me#the big picture doesn’t have to be so scary#this is literally just cause I went ‘i keep being so overwhelmed by how many relatives I want to call and calling no one. if I just break it#down and call one person a day (a) that’s better but (b) I’ll actually get to everybody eventually rather than not talking to anyone#i really want to just become someone who talks to people#like. the glue in my family if you will#like I want to just be like. hi aunt so and so. yes it is weird I’m calling you. but we haven’t talked in forever and I wanted to know how#you are. okay great ten minute conversation im gonna call you again in two weeks#and then whenever I’m with family and they’re like ‘what’s so and so up to’ I’ll actually know#cause I’ll talk to people. that’s the kind of person I want to be#and the only thing stopping me from being that person is me#yes my family doesn’t do that and it will be weird and awkward and. painful at first#but if I kept at it. think of all the lovely relationships I could build#also need to dedicate more time to my friendships!!!#responding to texts!!!#but like it’s hard#i need my adhd meds for any of these things to be more than just plans#but I have a doctors appointment in two days#and I won’t even be out of other meds yet 😎
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
with the recent like self-analytical framework of [putting hand on own shoulder] "are you looking for the external validation of value in this which would never be guaranteed, and you don't even think it should be contingent on this anyways" it's like, that also speaks more to like "yeah i did really enjoy live performance / theatre-adjacent and -overlapping stuff"
like i have my sense of how much i loved things and none of that involves any memories of having enjoyed it b/c of any feedback i got, from peers or instructors or anything. memories of curtain calls don't stand out much. like fun Specific Feedback was a kind older (relative to me) performer with the central role telling me that my literal leaping onstage (dance performance. grande jete entrance) despite a technical difficulty that would have to be improvised around was Inspirational/Motivating lol. i stopped having any particular stage fright (although is that when you're onstage? more like, anxiety beforehand about messing up. being onstage was the easier, enjoyable part) thanks to just having to yolo through those technical difficulties lol....anyways and then that same show actually, some relative to me younger audience member's dad was like "she's your (role's) biggest fan" and we nervously take a pic together lol. these things were fun & standout but Not Even It; not at all like "this is what makes it all worth it" like this is largely beside the point but a fun little bonus outlier event or two
like there was also no "i loved it b/c of Being In A Cast" nor b/c of any particular like, hanging out having fun Social Element. i loved rehearsing, though. loved being backstage (or in green rooms, or dressing rooms) but not because of any particular company or goings on. loved waiting & practicing / warming up & getting things together like your own costuming & being summoned to backstage & whatall. loved all the technical elements of getting a show together, when things were being assembled / worked out, though i didn't get to have much of any active hand b/c i'm like this twelve year old just learning the part, but it was fun to witness. none of my sense of what contributed to having a great time entailed any particular praise or anything; there was some implicitness in how all at once i graduated from [ensemble performance, back row for tall people] to [roles with solos] and the like, but there was just like, being busy, doing things well enough that it just wasn't Impeding anything lol, and in other arenas where i might've gotten more comments about being like, an outlier per whatever measure of success, it was definitely like, it's all just [successfully avoided negative attention] and ofc people think good grades are good but i'm not particularly moved by the awareness that that in turn is what's good or impressive about me, or something. or that i have to have anything like that for [successfully avoided negative attention]
and i wouldn't have like, done a monologue to an empty room and been like wow magical. i'd do my thing for rehearsal, and then for an audience, but you can't really see the audience and you're like ten doing local ten year old recreational stuff so it's like, the curtain calls you don't remember much (by you i mean me) and then you're done, and for me it was the fun of just like Everything Before. no like classic memories montage of great times socializing, it was me sitting in the green room equivalent, me warming up in the hallway, enjoying being in an auditorium for like 7 hrs of rehearsal, etc, we didn't do any like social events like high school performance afterparties or anything; i wasn't like Friends w/even the occasional person i also knew from school, and that didn't matter or diminish things in the least. performing A Show and for whatever Audience and that abstract is completely good enough. any of my parents' involvement, unavoidable b/c i couldn't even get places without being driven, was a major downside; i didn't like any like post performance [congrats] from them b/c that stuff was just its own unconstructive Performance that you, by which i mean me, were required to be sufficiently like Oh Wow about when it's like, the focused attention from you here means i want to leave; being left all amongst other adults during rehearsals was the good shit, while it also wasn't the case i needed like support or hype from any of those adults either.
there was Some tradition of like, older students in some program who'd take a trip to nyc / do some performance or other, and that seemed exciting but it stopped existing before it could be relevant to me lol. also for the first like, show that was like "audition for parts" vs "class recitals" they gave us like a relevant keepsake for it, and that was a nice surprise, since i had a great experience and all. and one of my main [not dance, with lines and everything] experiences being this fourth grade english class scenes from julius caesar, auditioned again, i'm like hell yeah that this has to be nongendered b/c it's all a bunch of guys, so i play a guy, and an antagonist yippee who doesn't die midway through and sounds easy-peasy to be like [be the dictator assassin] lol. it's funny how already i Cared about like, wish we had Effects instead of awkward silence for the drama of that assassination. wish i like, knew fuckall about acting. but the teacher just focused on telling us all to talk louder b/c nobody could be individually mic'd, and in the end you really couldn't hear fuckall of other performances so that was a win. and we got to do it twice b/c some people's parents got stuck in traffic. all i remember of my parents' presence was being like "omg yes i get to stop being here talking to you b/c we get to do that Again hell yeah"
like it's social but in a Parallel way. i'm contributing my part, i know my role, you know yours, i'm fondly remembering sitting in some school lobby having mini muffins with hours to go before our performance, amongst other people but not at all hyped abt interactions with them or at all disappointed abt the absence of any. i enjoyed it all being in front of people, others involved in the show, or the audience, but i wasn't there for any specific feedback, just being Part of that group constructed experience there. truly this case of like....loved all of that exactly as it happened, was on my own shit, did not need any external validation, didn't need a specific kind of Socializing that's supposed to look like having individual interactions with personal friends, had this passion for it that i also was having a perfectly good time exploring on my own, whilest also enjoying working with / learning from whatever instruction i got. like sure wishing i knew fuckall about acting but that it turns out no not everyone necessarily all loves stage acting as The Peak like that, and this comfort and interest with it that comes from like, you have all the practice of Having to perform and mask and act in life against your supposed incorrect abnormalities, but here's this constructive and creative and expansive edition of that art and science. good enough for doing it all through like fourteen
#the like metanalysis i'm applying to the wynnstannery journey meanwhile....a multifaceted like Oh Yeah I See places hand on surface#tl;dr like yeah i would love to do theatre in w/e ways and i would truly enjoy my experience completely in its own right. b/c i Have....#stopped dance when i was fourteen coz knee hurty; gender hurty; parental involvement hurty; was going into college and was like will i even#have time for dance stuff? like yeah maybe but i didn't know it & figured i'd probably be forever busy & fail out anyways. took a break.#and that first year there was some delightful The Shakespearean Theater Just Down The Street also theatre adjacent class experiences#which was just More expansive & More evidence like yes i love all this shit a lotttt thanks#however at this juncture like; oh you Can audition for school theatre & even get there by yourself#didn't want family to know & come; didn't want to be alongside ppl who Did have all this high school experience and even if they didn't#were older so just probably at all better at shit lol. also my roommate had a lot of theatre interest & experience so i would've felt#awkward or out of place. like i do Not want to have to be really socially connected or like be criticized on some As Personal Acquaintances#supposed helpful basis lol. was sort of peripherally eventually [theatre doers] socially involved but eh#i had fun helping out with behind the scenes stuff Sometimes; or just hanging out in that arena#but i didn't make friends really & the true Downgrade was feeling like i was supposed to be / Had to be#one of those cases even when it's like ''yeah for some people they let you be around peripherally b/c you're the butt of the joke''#like yeah great lmfao This Isn't It....but then going off oneself to some pwyw shakespeare show where you don't know what's going on but#that's not even required to enjoy it and Live Theatre and hell yeah babey. the actors were all whole adults & professionals & kind#like for me the social aspect is [when you're In A Show there's more afforded ''you're allowed to be here''] lol & that's it.#i like being around people but i like being there ''by myself.'' i can enjoy spontaneous; fleeting interactions contained in that moment#i don't need or even want those to Lead To Something That ''Actually Matters'' like an ongoing personal friendship or w/e#i enjoy those interactions in their own right; interacting in the capacity of both doing Show Tasks in their own right#i enjoy being in these Performances and Rehearsals in their own right & All The Enjoyment Was Already There.#i never needed or particularly looked for Especial Feedback from any sources. there needed to be an audience but that presence Was It.#i was engaged & enriched & interested in my own right. all very clear and clearly Genuine#vs whatever i was recognized as especially Good At or what i would just kind of do / was supposed to do but it's like; eh#or just otherwise like yeah i like some of this; but not nearly as much; &/or there clearly aren't ways to engage w/it in ways that i#actually want to or enjoy. i loved having a part but never needed it to be like Solo or the Main part. when i was doing & had done the#performing in rehearsals or shows like That Was It; that was what was fun. didn't anticipate or need the least Especial Feedback#just knowing like yeah that's the good shit. this is a real Passion that i enjoyed w/o ever needing anything ''more'' / external validation#wahoo....and the inherent value & relevance in just Knowing of that fact lol. wasn't always clear to me like yeah we all love that shit#in just the way that i did; right. like lol maybe not exactly and not always; actually.
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
really long rant (happy rant) in the tags, mostly towards @synthetic-lavender /vpos
romance repulsed aros and romance favourable aros are both cool and valid but because i never see anything about us: shoutout to romance indifferent aros. romance neutral aros. aros who just couldn't care less. aros who have a conflicted relationship with romance. aros who are fine with romance in some contexts but not in others. aros who don't mind romance when it's not amatonormativity being shoved down their throats. aros who haven't yet figured out their feelings about romance. aros to whom romance is Just Something That Exists. y'all are rad as hell and it's okay not to 'pick a side'!!
#I’m an aro who is heavily indifferent about romance except for when it comes to our beloved Freya because we love her as both a friend#and as a lover.#there’s a saying we like to go by that we picked up on from one of our favorite songs#“Kiss whoever makes you feel sound but it takes time man to figure it all out”#AND WE STRONGLY STAND BY THAT.#We’ve been through so many relationships that romance isn’t really a thing anymore to us because of trauma and abuse. We only felt romance#towards two people (Freya being one of them) that it’s lowkey so numbing to us but yet we also like the idea of romance because like#you get to share your life and your life experiences with somebody you love and it’s the most amazing thing ever because it builds the bond#between you guys closer and stronger and it’s beautiful.#but yet it’s so confusing and new to us still because like. whenever we think about freya it gets so gushy and messy because we actually#love her and it’s so strange and new because she’s actually a really good person.#I tell you. Freya is literally one of the best person in the world. Freya would literally sit there and wait for you to return and would#wait for you forever and looks past the abuse and misguidance you went through with the person that abused you previously because deep down#inside she knows that’s there’s a gentle and sweet and caring being within you that wants to be let out and free.#she looks past the facades and masks you’d go through to please people and brings out the best in you. she knows that you wouldn’t act that#way and she knows that you’re equally as much as a being as she is.#she knows deep down inside that you have a huge distaste towards cursing all the time she knows that you want to help everyone and she know#that no matter what anyone tells you that your interests will always be apart of who you truly are#a childish fun-loving sweet person who just wants everyone to be okay.#she sees past all of the dirt that’s been put in my mouth and understands that what you had to do was to survive.#and god darn it. you survived. you’re still surviving.#and you can’t help but melt because all you’ve known are false loves and friendships and relationships yet this is real.#she’s real. she’s so. kind and pure. she doesn’t want any trouble or rottenness to be spread around. she just wants everyone to be happy.#like you.#not all of us are designed to be with everyone. some of us need more care and kindness than others.#and. I think Freya. is the right one for me. for us. for us as a system. but. especially for. me.#Freya reminds me of the first person that first truly loved us and I love that because Freya is better than the first person we actually ha#feelings for. They even have a similar-ish name. Felicity. Freya. both begins with F has an e within their names and has a y close to the#end of both their names.#having someone that reminds you of someone you truly loved and cared for and having someone who’s an actual good pure person is. the best.
4K notes
·
View notes
Text
Chapter 75 and 76 have been so funny for male lead characters suddenly spouting red flag lines.
Paris's is expected because the narrative has always been honest about how he's got a screw loose but seeing the 2nd lead syndrome guy pining hopelessly after Lyla seemingly imply he was trying to make her unhappy with his presence is ???? huh????
like im aware my very loose translations are probably scuffed as fuck and there's room for further interpretation but man is this manga a ride lmao. It never feels like a chapter is wasted and that there's always something more to be learned about this world, its story, and its characters. And it means every chapter is never a letdown because there's always SOMETHING happening and it makes me !!! to see
#the mighty extra#Paris Valerian#Phillip whose last name im forgetting LMAO#ngl after translating Paris's line about taking a princess as a trophy i was all :Dc about it#not only does that line tell me that Paris is dangerously obsessive of Helene like his OG self was#but also considering how much the narrative condemns Paris's entitlement and lifts up Helene as someone who can handle his arrogance#I sense this line of thinking is utterly going to fuck him up once he realizes that pursuing her through war will only see her resenting hi#i love that Paris/Helene seems to be a slowburn and im so waiting for the moment Paris gets irrevocably lovesick over her#i want him to eat his words from back when he called Fian's romantic rambles “corny” you have no idea#the dragon imprinting phenomena in this universe is really fascinating and i love how the dragon physiology works in this verse#from the way imprinting is treated as something genuinely fucked up for dragons to experience#to the way dragons use “smell” in order to identify people's souls which plays into their Friendship Pact magic abilities#it's a much different take on dragons than im used to and honestly i kind of dig it#also love how this story takes a bunch of tropes i typically dont like and has combined them together in a way i really like!#Imprinting as a trope? Surprisingly well done and actually interesting to learn more about since it's specfically a psychological thing#Me genuinely wishing the reverse harem story mentioned was a real story? insane coming from someone who HATES that genre#Paris displaying awful red flag behaviors? good thing his love interest doesn't put up with his BS and will put him in his place#OG FL is being mean? oh guess what she's an intricate self-saboteur who is neither good nor bad and there's something up with her (i think)#and it's just#man#this whole manga is writing goals goddamn#and im trying to learn how to write a plot based on its story structure and it's making me realize i don't know shit about writing lol#or at least planning out my plots which is probs why im procrastinating on my own works ahhhhHHHH
0 notes
Text
Suiren is Aplatonic
#bc I said so. argue with a wall#she's my character I can do what I want#look once I realised I was spec and claimed a bunch of identities under that umbrella#I began wanting to give some of them to my characters#alasie fulfills my aroace rep needs and honestly that's enough for now#bc with how prominent family is in my stories I can't really go for afamilial#but it very recently occured to me that suiren straight up doesn't have friends#of course for the most part it's because of trauma and her entire community hating her#but even after her recovery.. I just never gave her a friend?#she has her family + people like opal and bolin who are considered family and kuvira. that's it#the only friend she's ever had in my multiverse of madness is alasie. and even then 'friend' is pushing it#they would only know each other for a few weeks before Suiren has to bail and probably didn't interact all that much#and honestly. even in utos I don't see her as someone who'd go around making friends#maybe there are a few people who she's on good terms with but not quite on friendship level#if any of that makes sense#and hey. why am I making excuses. suiren is mine if I say she's aplatonic then she's aplatonic#she feels romantic/sexual and familial attraction but not platonic. end of story#but since she does have that thing with alasie I will say that she's once again like me. plato-indifferent aplatonic#though technically I’m demiplatonic but yk. same difference#she doesn't care much either way whether she has friends or not and will care if she has them. but more as a person than a friend yk?#she is a kind and caring person by nature even though her demeanor hides it. it comes with her set of beliefs#so she will care for and love people. but not consider them friends#it's nearly midnight so I'm yet again on tumblr with my batshit insane takes#sotrl suiren
1 note
·
View note
Text
Sometimes you have to be yourself on purpose. What I mean by this is that sometimes we lose touch with ourselves and start coasting and just going through the motions. Which is fine for a while because we get tired and/or depressed and that's fine. Happens to everyone. But eventually it starts to feel bad and you get a specific kind of brainweird that's hard to describe but means that you've lost sight of who you are, what your values are, and what you love.
Leaning really hard into something that makes you go "this is the most me thing ever" helps that specific type of brainweird quite a bit! But maybe you don't know what the most you thing ever is. You are not alone! I get depressed and forget every interest I have. 100% understand that.
When this happens, it helps to remind yourself what you like and enjoy. So what do you do? Well for me, it helps to think about 1. Things I used to enjoy and 2. Things my friends Know Me For.
Like I've been feeling not myself lately and I haven't really knit or created much this month at all. But I'm the Makes Things Guy. I like making things and many of my friends not only know me as someone who makes things but a lot of my friendships specifically come from communities of People Who Make Things.
So I forced myself to pick up an old project, and that helped a bit. But what really helped was coming up with a project that combined my interests (leather jackets, art, and teapots) for me to look forward to and get really into planning for! The most ME I've felt in weeks has been the last hour I've spent planning on painting a famous fine China design on the back of my leather trenchcoat. Because not ONLY am I the Makes Things Guy, I am also The Teapot Guy. I finally feel like myself again.
I wish I had more concrete advice in regards to how you remember your own interests when you get disconnected from them, but a solid place to start is things you used to like and things your friends know you like. If you struggle consider asking a friend what things they know you like. Sometimes friends can see us better than we can see ourselves and it helps to use them as a mirror to see yourself through.
5K notes
·
View notes
Text
i'm just like ugh i gotta figure out where to get this x ray and when i should do it this week and i'm just worried about walking in without an appointment even though it says you can and like them not having the machine or a person to do it or whatever since i went into one place on the list already and they did not have x-rays
and then i've got this birthday thing which idk where it's going to be so idk if i should take a lyft or not and then i'll have to either exercise in the morning or choose that as my skip day
and then i'll just be worrying about my test results and not knowing if the doctor is going to call before my follow up or WHAT is going to happen and i just. cannot relax.
i just want to be done with doctors i really fucking do like just tell me what's wrong and let me be DONE like this follow up is gonna be the eighth fucking time i've seen a doctor in some form since all this weird shit started and if i don't get any answers i'm gonna be mad. i mean i'd rather not get bad news of course but i figure things are already mildly crappy in my body so like it's not like i can't get used to that i just can't stand the idea of it getting worse
#personal#like it'll be nice to see my friends but idk i'm just like too stressed#i thought it would be okay to say yes bc i hadn't gotten horrible news yet#but i just have that ugh i don't feel like being social rn especially bc i know people are gonna be asking what's going on#and i really don't like talking about it bc if i DID have answers it might just be like ah well it's not that bad#but since i don't have answers i keep thinking of how horrible it might become and everything it might take away#including my ability to say yes to plans every time they come around which already is a rarity#like how much less could i end up seeing my friends when this is the only person who ever actually asks to see me#i feel so bratty but like. why does no one else include me in anything except for their birthdays if that#this one friendship that i kind of assume is over doesn't really bother me but at least i sometimes got invited to hers with everyone else#though there were plenty of hangouts that i knew happened seemingly often without me#but yeah at least when she was in the mix i had a chance even if they weren't hangouts i particularly enjoyed#like it was better than nothing#and this year has already been so hard that feeling like i'm even more isolated than i was the couple years before#just makes it all that much more impossible#i just want to be thought of and like i know i do plenty of thinking about loved ones without reaching out#so it stands to reason it works the other way around#but the thing is i very rarely initiate plans so i know i'm not like inviting one person and never another or whatever#whereas SOMEONE has to be making the plans and i'm virtually never invited#i used to have the luxury of being invited often enough that i didn't have to go to a random hangout if i wasn't up for it#and now it's not like that and i have to say yes when i'm too mentally exhausted. who knows what the physical limitations are gonna be now
0 notes
Text
close to you | l.n
summary: chemical override, ultraviolet, you could be mine tonight ; or having a crush is mind boggling, soul crushing and confusing, but also so exciting at the same time.
warnings: inspired by close to you by gracie abrams, friends to lovers (bc it’s my brand), pining, all the feels, reader is childhood best friends with pietra, fluff, and some language here and there
jordans notes: hi everyone! long time no see (😅) i’m slowly getting back into writing, school has been kicking my ass. i don’t think this is my best work, but i really wanted to get something out for you guys since ive been gone so long! i promise there’s more to come than just this! i hope you all are well!! sending you all my love 🤍
masterlist | listen to the playlist
before you met him, you didn’t think about the color green too often. it was one of those colors you didn’t necessarily love or hate, it was just kind of… there.
to you, it was just one of those colors where shades of it were prettier than the actual color itself. or a color you only really liked during the fall. like how, typically, people only liked the color blue during the summer.
that was until you met him.
the boy with those big, beautiful, slightly blue but slightly green, water-colored eyes. now you love the color green. obsessed over it. thought about it every second of every day. it was crazy how a simple opinion could change in a matter of seconds, all because of those stupidly pretty eyes.
You lie awake on your back, staring at the ceiling. surely it wasn’t normal to obsess over someone this much, right? especially over someone you weren’t even sure would ever feel the same.
sure, you had crushes before, and had your fair share of falling quickly and all at once. it wasn’t an unusual feeling to you, no stranger to catching feelings rather quickly.
but this time around, everything was different. everything felt more intense, more mind-boggling and confusing and pulse rising. the feeling so foreign that sometimes you wish you had never met him so you wouldn’t have fallen so hard so sudden, but deep down you were so glad that you had.
it was the little things that made you wonder what it was like to be loved by him. the subtle glances in your direction, the gentle but lingering touches. you had thought you were going crazy, reading too much into things in the beginning. over-analyzing every little thing that made your body light up with excitement.
until pietra confirmed your suspicions.
“he’s totally into you,” she said, leaning closer to your ear as you watched him from across the room, his head tilted back, nose scrunched and eyes half shut as he laughed about something max had said, which was likely something stupid, “like, one hundred percent, down bad, into you.”
you tilted your head at the blonde, “you think so?”
she scoffed, “more like know so,”
“who told you?”
“no one has to tell me anything,” she said, “i can just tell.”
you rolled your eyes at her, “p, i’ve told you a million times, he’s not into me.”
but she was right. he was one hundred percent, undoubtedly, down. fucking. bad.
ever since the moment he met you at that stupid pub with max and his group of friends, all he wanted to do was get to know you. he didn’t want it to seem obvious when he asked max about you, but he knew no matter what he did it was going to seem obvious. just from the way he looked at you like you hung the stars in the night sky, he was no where near subtle.
he hated to admit it, but he had even done some lowkey instagram stalking through one of his private accounts. he had seen all the pictures of you and pietra, a life long friendship explained to him in front of his own eyes.
and every time his fingers would swipe through your account, all he could think about was how beautiful you were. how your eyes sparkled every time you smiled for the camera, how happy you looked when you genuinely laughed, and how he wished to be the reason behind the gorgeous sound forever.
he wasn’t trying to make it obvious tonight, not wanting to make it well known that he had his eyes on you for a while. but he had lost track at the amount of times you had caught him looking at you, and he swore he had even caught you looking at him first a handful of times.
so when everyone in the house decided that it was the end of the night and started filing through the door, he took it upon himself to make his way over to you. you were talking with pietra, a smile on your face as you giggled about something she had said. the brazilian woman’s eyes landed on him, to which she looked back at you and said something before you turned to look in his direction.
he smiled when your eyes met his, “hey, did you need a ride home?”
your heart threatened to leap out of your chest, “uhm, i was just gonna call an uber, you don’t have to-“
“no, no,” he said, shaking his head, “i insist, really. it’s not a big deal.”
how could you argue with him? those pretty green eyes, that smile, the face. you simply couldn’t. it was impossible. you couldn’t see the look pietra was giving you, but knowing her, you knew it was a look that said ‘go with him’.
and do you did, the cool, crisp autumn air in london suddenly making you wish you had brought a jacket. you had wished you planned for the nightly breeze, wishing you had opted for a long-sleeved shirt for the night instead of the spaghetti strap tank top you had chosen.
as you walked to the car that was parked down the street, he noticed you shivering. he saw the way you hugged yourself, your hair moving with the breeze. his curls danced in the wind and he knew if he was slightly cold, you were definitely freezing.
he tugged off the hoodie before passing it to you, the sound of the doors to the mclaren echoing before he turned to you.
“here,” he said, “it’s a little windy out, i know you’re probably freezing.”
your stomach did backflips as you took the soft black material from his hands, “oh, are you sure? aren’t you cold?”
he sent you a shrug, “i’ll live,”
there was no use arguing with him, so instead you sent him another smile in appreciation before tugging the sweatshirt over your head. it was already warm from hugging his body, and you couldn't help the way the smell of his cologne lingered in the soft material. you had to keep yourself from burying yourself in it, the feeling of being close to him without actually being close to him sending butterflies to your stomach.
the car ride was filled with comfortable silence, music softly playing in the background. he stole occasional looks over at your figure as you looked out the window, the neck of his hoodie pulled up to your face as you watched the street lights pass by. you looked beautiful in the dim light, he couldn’t help himself.
he thought about taking the long way to your house. a simple but effective way to be able to spend more time with you. however, the thought of you being confused and questioning his actions was enough for him to stay straight at the stop light instead of taking a right for the longer way.
he tried not to look disappointed when he reached your house, parking in front of it. he wondered if your roommates were home, if you’d tell them about the fact that he drove you home.
he turned the engine off, unclicking his seatbelt, “i’ll walk you up.”
you nodded, the both of you getting out of the car and walking through the dewy grass up to the wooden door. you fished for your keys in your purse, putting them into the lock before turning to look at him, “thanks for the ride,”
“anytime,” he smiled. he meant it. and you knew he meant it. he’d come get you at anytime of the day, wether it was early in the morning or late at night, he was always going to show up.
you stood there, eyes searching his face. he was so pretty to you, the brown curls that were slowly growing into a mullet to the sparkling eyes that you loved so much. the dimples in his cheeks that appeared whenever he smiled, the slight facial hair he had managed to grow, but your favorite part was the moles and freckles that covered his skin. the ones he had once complained about, but you loved the way they scattered his skin.
you dreamt of kissing each and every single one of them.
“hey, lando! long time no see!”
you both averted your attention, neither of you hearing the door open behind you. in the doorway stood your dark haired roommate, faith.
“hey,” he smiled softly, trying once again to not look disappointed from the way your moment was interrupted.
“we’re having drinks and watching movies if you wanted to join,” she smiled, ignoring the look you were sending her way.
“oh, uhm,” he started, not sure how to answer, “it’s getting kinda late, i dunno-“
“you can crash in y/n’s room, im sure she wouldn’t mind.”
what was that supposed to mean?
you looked over at him, “you don’t have to stay-“
“he’s been gone for weeks, he’s legally obligated,” she said, reaching from the doorway and grabbing both of your arms, “c’mon, liv is making martinis.”
you sighed heavily and he laughed softly at your protest that went unnoticed by her. your other roommate, olivia, stood in the kitchen.
“look who i found!” faith exclaimed excitedly.
“oh, hey guys! just in time,” she smiled, “it’s martini and movie friday!”
lando leaned over to you as the other two talked, “they do this every friday?”
you sighed again, nodding, “unfortunately,” you turned to your roommates, “we’re gonna head up to my room, actually,”
you led lando to the stairs, ignoring the playful teasing from the girls in the kitchen, “oooh!!”
“up to your room, huh?”
you shook your head, opening your bedroom door and letting him in before closing it, “‘m sorry for them, they’re… how do i put this?”
“a lot?” he asked, a smile playing at his lips.
“yeah, we can put it that way.”
he chuckled, sitting down on the bed as you put your things down. he looked around your bedroom, not much had changed since the last time he had been in it. the fairy lights dimly lit up the room, photos littered the walls. the desk that sat in the corner of the room kept your makeup bag and brushes, a mirror sitting in the middle.
he looked at your nightstand, a picture of you, him, max and pietra sitting on the wooden surface. it was a picture from miami, smiles on all of your faces. you stood in the middle, arm wrapped around his middle as you smiled for the camera, his trophy in the hand that wasn’t wrapped around your middle.
“i’m gonna change,” you said, “i might have a pair of your sweatpants somewhere if you wanted to change.”
he nodded, “yeah, that’d be great.”
you turned back to the dresser, opening drawers in search for the pair of sweatpants he leant you one day. the same day he picked you up from the failed date. the one that left you crying outside, swearing up and down that you’d never find love. despite it being in front of you this entire time.
finally finding the black material, you handed them to him, “i meant to give them back, but i just haven’t seen you,”
he shook his head. you could’ve kept them forever and he wouldn’t have minded one bit, “it’s alright,”
you grabbed your pajama bottoms from the foot of the bed, “be right back.”
he changed into the sweatpants while you were gone, still looking around your room. he smiled at the picture of you and your roommates, clearly taken at a party. you wore the prettiest smile he had ever seen, dressed in a black off the shoulder top. it was from the same night he realized he liked you in more than just a friendly way.
the door opening brought him back to reality, his eyes landing on your figure and how you were still wearing the black hoodie he had given you earlier. it brought a small smile to his face.
you noticed his eyes on you, looking down at the black hoodie, “i swear i’ll give it back once i wash it.”
he laughed softly, shaking his head, “it’s okay. it looks better on you anyways.”
you smiled, fighting the heat that was rising your cheeks but it was no use. he joined you on the bed, watching as you flipped through different things on netflix.
“you don’t have to stay, y’know,” you said, looking over at him, “if you have better things to do..”
“i don’t,” he said, turning his head to look your way, “in all honesty, there’s no where else i’d rather be.”
you sucked in a breath, your eyes dancing across his face once again. it was hard for you not to stare, not when he looked so pretty like this. back pressed against your headboard, hair slightly messy, and he looked so cozy. it made you want to wrap yourself around him, lay your head on his chest.
he did the same, his eyes scanning your face like he was trying to memorize every single feature, every single imperfection that he thought was still perfect. the same ones you’d argue about, but he still always found adorable.
his voice broke the comfortable silence that had fallen between the two of you, “do you ever have something to say but can’t find the words to say it?”
your furrowed your eyebrows, “like?”
he licked his lips, his attention now fixed on his hands as he fiddled with the ring on his middle finger. you never thought he’d be the type to get shy, almost embarrassed as his cheeks turned a light shade of pink.
“like, i dunno,” he mumbled, “i just.. i don’t know how to put it, but ever since the moment we met, i’ve found myself just.. thinking about you. thinking about what it’d be like to cross this weird, thin, little line we’ve drawn. if we both just said ‘fuck it’ and dove head first into whatever uncharted territory we’re tiptoeing around.”
his eyes met yours again as he let out a nervous breath. you hadn’t realized you had been holding yours, shock clearly written on your face which made him shake his head.
“never mind, it’s dumb-“
“lando,”
“- i knew i shouldn’t have listened to what max was going on about-“
you rolled your eyes as he kept blabbering away, talking nonsense. your body moving before your brain could comprehend what you were about to do, only catching up when your hands met his jaw and you were suddenly catching yourself a mere few inches from his face.
it was too late now, no going back.
you pulled his face closer to yours, his blabbering coming to a halt when you pressed your lips to his. his brain short circuited, you pulling away before he had the chance to kiss you back.
“‘m sorry,” you immediately apologized, “i don’t know why i did-“
it was his turn to cut you off now, grabbing your chin and pulling you back to his lips. his thumb traced along your jaw, his pointer finger sitting underneath your chin.
you kissed him back after a second of surprise, letting his free hand reach down to grab your hip, pulling you on top of his lap. your hands threaded through his curls, nails scratching his scalp.
when you both finally pulled away, all you could do was smile. giggles and chuckles echoing through the room as you both sat breathless, his nose bumping yours as he tucked a piece of stray hair away from your face.
“so we’re in agreement then, huh?” he asked.
“isn’t that obvious?” you smiled and he shook his head, letting out another boyish laugh.
“how long have you.. y’know, had feelings for me, i guess?”
“since the minute i saw you,” he confessed, “you were the most beautiful girl in the room, a smile that would make everyone stop and stare. it’s always been you, i’ve just been too scared to tell you.”
you smiled again, heart fluttering in your chest. all the dreams and wishes you spent with him on your mind, it was all finally paying off, “it’s always been you for me, too. i thought i had been way too obvious, but clearly i wasn’t obvious enough.”
“we were both too oblivious,” he said, moving more hair from your face, “but it’s okay, we’re here now.”
you were convinced your smile was never going to be wiped off your face, “kiss me again,”
“with pleasure,” he mumbled, lips finding yours once more as you melted into him.
#lando norris#lando norris x reader#ln4 x reader#fluff#ln4#ln4 imagine#ln4 fluff#lando norris x reader fluff#lando norris x reader imagine#lando norris x reader fluff imagine#lando norris fluff imagine#lando norris fluff#lando norris fluff x reader#ln4 fic#ln4 x y/n#ln4 x you#ln4 one shot#ln4 fluff x reader#ln4 x reader fluff#ln4 x reader imagine#ln4 x reader fic#mclaren#mclaren f1#mclaren formula 1#mclaren formula one#formula 1#formula one#lando norris x you#lando norris x y/n#lando norris fanfic
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
Relativity Falls!
Design Concepts (and my unnecessary thoughts):
Excuse the the colors, ig my apps are fighting.
I see Mabel finding success no matter what happens to her, but I really like the thought of her running an insane arts and crafts business in GF. Alternatively, if she fell in the portal, she'd come out acting confident as always, but she probably wouldn't realize how much the constant change and lack of family/stability wore her out until she settled back in. In either case, she's a bit cracked.
Dipper is investigative, but cracks easiest under stress and is not as inherently adventurous as Mabel or Ford- so the portal wouldn't treat him well. If he's not the one in the portal, he'd be into stargazing and real magic to share with people, while also warding tourists away from the dangerous stuff. In general, he'd be an unhappy adult if left to his own devices, lol.
Between Dipper and Mabel, I like Dipper being in the portal more. He's a great protagonist, but as a supporting cast member, he needs to be more insane to match the draw that is 'Mabel taking care of children,' ha. I also love the idea of there being no portal / some other looming threat for these two to struggle with (at least because Hirsche has made it clear that Dipper and Mabel are equally smart, and to me it seems like the portal would reopen way quicker with them), but I didn't plan on posting these and I don't know how my followers feel about me posting lore.
Stanford and Stanley:
Pretty much how they are in canon, but now they're in a setting where they can get over themselves, ha. They aren't quite as mature as Dipper and Mabel were at their age, but after coming to GF, they finally found other people to look out for them. Dipper could be a more emotionally available and level-headed role model (I think having people to take care of is calming for him in turn), and they'd both look up to Mabel as the peak of somebody who knows how to socialize.
Fiddleford:
He's a sweet, southern, farm-raised mechanical engineer just like in canon.
Idk why Fiddleford is in GF (visiting an unnamed grandparent?), but I really like his relationship with Ford in the journal. Following that thought, in this AU, he starts out more of Ford's friend than Stan's, and it's kind of a big deal. Unlike Dipper's arc on learning to be a kid, Stan and Ford clearly struggled a lot with interpersonal relationships / finding security outside of eachother, and that's what I think this AU could be about (it's great they realized they need each other in canon, but the part where they had no one else to turn to is also kinda crazy if you ask me).
Ford gets to meet another smart kid in a weird town, which helps him feel more normal. He has a better idea of what friendship is because of it, but also, since I can't imagine Dipper wanting an apprentice so young/vulnerable/impressionable or Mabel asking only one of the twins to stay- he'd have to come to terms with the fact that he can't live in his dream world forever. (Or maybe the apprenticeship comes from somewhere else, just because the conflict around going back to Glass Shard Beach at all, or sending Stan alone could be pretty good.)
On the flipside, I think Stan's initial jealousy of Ford and Fiddleford's friendship would force him to try finding his own friends / hobbies. I like the idea that he fails at first- and a lot- but Mabel notices his mounting frustration (which he is very keen on hiding), and her consistent and unorthodox support makes him realize he wasn't alone to begin with. He can be more open around her, which makes it easier to open up to others, and then he can make friends without having to pull any tricks. He probably starts with some animals, and then at least gets closer to Fiddleford anyways (I feel like they're both more practical than Ford and value human company more, so they'd bond easier once Stan gets over his personal hurdle).
Anyways- because that was way too much- Mabel's exes are a constant source of antagonists and Dipper is stressed about setting a good example.
(I was more of a Monster Falls fan back in the day, but I can't draw animals, lol)
#fanart#gravity falls#relativity falls#relativity au#mabel pines#dipper pines#stanford pines#stanley pines#fiddleford mcgucket#fiddauthor#(if you wish)#I wasn't planning on doing any AU fanart#but designing mabel was way too fun#damn i didn't even draw bill#oh well#i have mixed feelings and ideas for how he'd fit in anyways
3K notes
·
View notes