#but like it’s hard
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It continues
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt leo#silly#wow#realized that this is the only character I can do perspective good with#I need to practice more#But like it’s hard#Mmmhmm yess
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no because i get so stuck on how endless everything feels, how life is so long and these horrible habits i have now are part of my life story forever but
life is so long. every little good choice i make will add up. i don’t have to fix everything today, it can take time
#idk if it’s the capitalism or the time blindness or what but there’s very much an innate must be doing must be fixing must be winning#and like. it doesn’t work for me. it doesn’t help me#i just need to take my steps slowly and let progress come with me#the big picture doesn’t have to be so scary#this is literally just cause I went ‘i keep being so overwhelmed by how many relatives I want to call and calling no one. if I just break it#down and call one person a day (a) that’s better but (b) I’ll actually get to everybody eventually rather than not talking to anyone#i really want to just become someone who talks to people#like. the glue in my family if you will#like I want to just be like. hi aunt so and so. yes it is weird I’m calling you. but we haven’t talked in forever and I wanted to know how#you are. okay great ten minute conversation im gonna call you again in two weeks#and then whenever I’m with family and they’re like ‘what’s so and so up to’ I’ll actually know#cause I’ll talk to people. that’s the kind of person I want to be#and the only thing stopping me from being that person is me#yes my family doesn’t do that and it will be weird and awkward and. painful at first#but if I kept at it. think of all the lovely relationships I could build#also need to dedicate more time to my friendships!!!#responding to texts!!!#but like it’s hard#i need my adhd meds for any of these things to be more than just plans#but I have a doctors appointment in two days#and I won’t even be out of other meds yet 😎
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(grabs you by the shoulders) you have to make room for new experiences in your life. you have to go through the unpleasant work of leaving your comfort zone, even if just for a few minutes at a time. because if you don't, your brain will trick you into stagnation. you will start to believe that the world can barely fit you in it. but that's not true. it's the opposite way around. you can fit the whole word inside of you. your task is only this: to welcome it with open arms
#i know we are all neurodivergent and executive disfunction and routine disruption is kicking our ass and it's hard. but you have to.#and i dont even mean like. travel to another country i mean#take the other bus home#or buy a different tea brand#YOUR BRAIN IS A MUSCLE EXERCISE IT.
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i love being married to a straight guy. this morning we were parallel chilling and i glance at his computer and he's watching a drill fight tournament. as in, guys attaching drills to the same rod and turning them on until one breaks. to find the strongest drill. jose noticed me staring and rolled out of the way so i could see the screen. he knew every drill brand and told me their quality and price. i watched the whole thing without comment. the violence was enchanting. i never would have found this. he's a vector to an entirely alien, often beautiful, world.
#m2a#i reek of bisexuality so hard that multiple people have said we have bi couple energy#and I'm always like you don't understand. i have never met a more heterosexual human than my husband.#he's perfect.
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yknow i never noticed the sheer rareness of images having ids or alt text on this website until i started adding alt text to my art (and trying to remember to add it to any images i post in general, especially text screenshots) and that makes me kinda sad
#i used to be pretty intimidated by the idea of having to describe my art but. it isnt as hard as it sounds#i just treat it like im describing an image i dont have at the time really#plus ive been told that even a simple id is better than no id#lev.txt
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It's honestly crazy that discussion around testosterone HRT skews so much towards the beginning stages of it (to the point that you have dozens of guys thinking their transition is "failed" if they don't pass by like a year in lol) and what the initial changes of the first couple of months to years look like, like the classic laundry list of those early basic changes like bottom growth, voice drop, etc, when IMO literally none of that compares remotely to the depth and intensity of the long term total masculinization you start to experience like 3-5+ years in.
#also has made it increasingly difficult to relate to those early into their transition honestly#like not in a bitter way it’s just like hard to express how diff the experience is#of being like a year on T vs 5 😭#ETA I muted this post ages ago now but fwiw seeing transphobes pop up in the notes on occasion just to say cruel reactionary shit#you are clowns I cannot imagine seeing a post that is ONLY about discussing with folks about the reality of a medication#and choosing to make that your moment to get a schoolyard bully jab in about how you find it gross or something.#you are less well adjusted than most children. may the universe be kinder to you than you are to others.
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THEY MAKE ME INSANE
Proof below:
Also, I’m fucking crying, I think his arm is like that bc he fell asleep holding the photo.
EDIT: more proof:
#than Laura drove them home…#I wonder if Logan continued to sleep in the car or if he woke up and helped carry Deadpool inside and place him on the bed#or did Logan also get dragged to the bed? while asleep?#he weighs like 600 lbs because of the metal so it would be incredibly hard to do#correction he weighs between 350 to 425 lbs#deadpool and wolverine#wolverine#deadpool#poolverine
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watching bridgerton and obviously there were a lot of things wrong with the way socializing has worked in the past, but honestly the idea of a "calling hour" is so appealing. office hours for friendship. you can show up unannounced at my home between 1 and 3pm. you must leave by 3pm. I may give you a pastry. lets bring that back
#bridgerton#lauren says things#i know the calling hour is for romantic prospects#(at least in bridgerton)#but there IS something to be said for having social rules! I like it to an extent!#no I don't have a panic disorder rooted in social anxiety why are you asking me that#and tbf one CAN just do this!#but working out social contracts with friends is hard and scary lol
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this manatee looks like it’s in a skyrim loading screen
#lol good luck finding all of the photoshopped versions in the rb history. ‘manatee restored’ is still my favorite of all time#misc#I encourage anyone dyslexic to try rotating him in your mind. I can’t do that; which is why I’m asking you to.#also: a bunch of tags are surprised this isn’t ‘shopped#it’s the lighting. backlit by the sun (which is diffused through the water) but also forelit artificially#the artificial light - a flash pack or something - casts a hard shadow under the creatures arm#which normally wouldn’t be possible if backlit by the SUN; you’d see a less-hard/more-fragmented shadow above water#as light sources ‘compete’ in a sense - and since there aren’t any light sources which can outshine the literal sun#it looks a bit weird when the darkest shadow is being cast from any other origin point - which is what’s essentially happening here#I don’t know the mechanics of how light travels through water; but I know the effect is substantial even with relatively short distances#also: it’s been balanced and color corrected by the author of the photo - who made deliberate choices to bring out the full potential#so it’s not like it’s a fresh and untouched export#but the kind of ‘tacked on’ appearance of the creature is a result of the lighting conditions within the image
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sharing a very sage bit of advice from The Simpsons' own John Swartzwelder that i've been trying to hamper down in my writing and drawing alike. let your inner crappy little elf do his worst
#i've been so blocked with writing and drawing lately and so i'm trying this out for my review of Bugs Bunny Gets the Boid and i can feel it#helping but i'll be so glad when i get to the revising stage because right now it feels like my brain has thousands of flaming needles#poking it and making me go AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! the perfectionism devil is hard to shake#but he will be no match for my crappy little elf
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can we stop pretending like it’s so super easy for trans men to pass. “oh just put on a baggy shirt and cut your hair-“ it literally doesn’t work like that and I refuse to believe you actually think it’s that easy
#I do as much as I can pre t and I still get misgendered constantly#it’s to be expected and I understand#but I wish people would stop making it out like it’s so easy to pass#bc it’s not!#and when you talk about how easy it is it a) makes people feel like they must not be trying hard enough and that’s why they don’t pass#and b) undermines the difficulties experienced by trans men#trans#lgbtq#ftm#trans man#transgender#transmasc#transgender man#trans pride#donnieisaprettyboy#ftm problems
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Really says something about the dire state of offerings for men interested in sewing their own clothes that even searching things like "interesting men's clothing patterns" brings up articles with links to four or five whole websites that primarily offer admittedly nice but practically identical patterns for making button-ups and work pants and maybe a varsity/bomber jacket if you're lucky.
(Branching out into historical costuming for everyday wear is like your one shot at variation, and even then, the ratio of men's to women's patterns on every website is frustrating to say the least.)
Patternmakers as a trans man I am begging you. Give me a little more to work with here.
#can you tell i have been browsing patterns today#anyways after i make some progress on jonathan i'm going to buy some loud weird prints and at least jazz up a pants pattern#i want to have clothes that i like but god is it hard if you lean masc and also like fun
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she's singing in another room and my dog is asleep at my feet. my grandma asked me why i haven't found a man yet and i laughed. oh, you know. i like my house clean.
my girlfriend is also my man is also "my partner" if i'm in a professional setting. yesterday we went to a ren faire and a man mimed at me - you're together? and at my delighted nod, his baffled, you're gay? made me laugh. a woman with rainbow hair said i love the two of you together. you're both so beautiful it's absurd.
my dad introduced my partner as my "..... friend. or whatever" the other day. he knows we're dating. in the same way, i was never able to get my sister's husband to stop saying that's gay like it's 2008. he still uses the word fa***t, and my sister's defense of him has always been well, he's just kidding.
my lover and i dance to old music in a tiny kitchen. we judge new music together and take food critique very seriously. we watch love is blind before we fall asleep and agree that if they had a queer season, it would be bloody but also make for excellent tv. of fucking course queer people would know someone for only 2 weeks and agree to get married. what are you saying.
at a bar with friends, a man puts his hand on my wrist. got a boyfriend? and yes, i do have a boyfriend, she's amazing. i am texting her while i wander around a gas station named after geese. i am visiting a swing state for a wedding. in the candy aisle i overhear: she's actually like a lesbian it's disgusting. two teenage girls with packaged sandwiches in their hands, giggling. no literally, like. i'm not, like. okay with her being there while we're all, like, naked and changing.
my girlfriend and i tailgate, drink gin and cider out of cups. from the frat group beside us, a man corrects himself with one of his friends: bro, i mean, nonbinary entity, and it makes everyone around him laugh, myself included. he razzes his friend the same way i would have killed for at 19 years old - like nothing happened, he continues: you apply sunscreen like an alien. he does a little sassy (and fairly accurate) dance interpretation of the motion. his friend is laughing so hard they're crying.
i am lucky, i live in a safe neighborhood in a safe state. my masc passenger princess comes up from DC. i drive her for an hour to where all the leaves are a violent arrangement of color. we walk along the trails, letting autumn into our blood. in this part of the state, there's a lot of pickup trucks and trump signs. when we chastely kiss before getting into the car, i accidentally make eye contact with a woman holding her child's wrist. she looks disgusted. she looks fucking pissed.
two hours later my girl and i are eating dinner on a patio, soaking in the last warmth of new england sun before the chill of winter sets in. we are giggling and trying to talk through plastic vampire teeth. at another table, i see a young woman sit up straighter. i watch her watch us. she blushes and takes her partner's hand from across the table. shy, like the taste of evening has just become something deeper.
it's worth it for this moment, i think. my lover is still humming the same song she's been singing for four days straight and i don't want to kill her for it. her guitar is beside my bed. her toothbrush is in my bathroom. in a few moments i will make us lunch. we are lucky enough to have found each other. it is lucky enough to be in love.
#writeblr#wlw#i often think about like.....#being happy in a gay relationship is sometimes so odd#bc u can forget how stupid ppl are.#bc ur so USED to being gay. and u forget other people GENUINELY ARE homophobic#so it's like. girl pardon?????#but also there are moments where it's like. ohhh the kids are alright#like watching someone razz someone else.... so fucking wholesome#“lemme get this bitche's pronouns before i make gentle fun of them” .... i would have KILLED for that.#THAT is how u know ur accepted#not just tolerated#..... when ppl are like. sure ur nonbinary congrats but WHAT is this fucking sunscreen application#ps idk if "razz'' is a real word but someone asked what it means -#i've always heard it as being a term for 'gentle & friendly teasing'' which like#i personally notice more from my guy friends but is like - when a person isn't#LIKE ACTUALLY teasing u (it's nothing personal/mean) they're just laughing w/you about something#my friends often put on a little voice and call me an anemic little bitch#like 'ooooo the anemic little bitch is cold??? does she need a mouse blanket#bc she's SOOOO SMALL AND ANEMIC???''#and it doesn't hurt my feelings (it makes me laugh very hard) bc 1. i actually called MYSELF that first#and 2. i'm not sensitive about it!!!#a proper razz is when you are ALSO in on the joke - i ALSO think it's funny#for some people i personally find that when they razz u it's when they love u -#they've noticed something genuine about u and love u enough that u know they're not being mean#this is cultural and personality based of course but i'm hispanic#if someone isn't making fun of me it means they hate me . obviously.
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i hate when people call marcille a girlfailure btw like SHE ISNT. and shes not a ”girlboss” either. this is a neurotic and Permanently On The Edge of a Breakdown overachiever late 20s virgin just out of her phd program with permanently shaky hands from an addiction to overly sugary coffee and a deep desire to be crushed to death under falins giant jugs no matter the cost. the only thing shes ever ”failed” at is going to theraphy
#she works hard and succeeds 24/7 she just has bunny animal neurosis. and shes surrounded by the toudens which is like if a small animals#closest two friends were 2 giant dogs that make it freak out 24/7#dungeon meshi
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a project I finally got around to finishing!! the mane 6, inspired by their earlier generation counterparts, within a medieval fantasy style setting. please don't repost without permission! you just need to ask.
some fun facts:
fluttershy is half unicorn here!! that's why she has the deer-like build and slightly long tail.
rarity is half horse
applejack is fully just a horse.
pinkie and rainbow are the only true ponies
their jobs (in the order shown in the lineup) are royal messenger, royal jester, royal menagerie keeper, royal tailor, royal orchard farmer and Queen Celestia's Most Specialest Student.
in this au, they all met due to working within the castle grounds.
in this au, celestia is queen, luna is still banished, and twilight is discouraged from making friends as it distracts her from her studies. she is celestia's heir and grew up in the castle.
they are all marekissers. lol
#mlp#my little pony#worked SO hard on these I hope you guys like them!!!!#sorry about the watermarks. not taking any chances with these ones I spent hours on them#most of these were finished MONTHS ago. it was just fluttershy I had to finish#mlp fanart#mlp au#my little pony au#mlp g1#mlp g3#horse#pony#unicorn#pegasus#fantasy#yes the wings were heavily referenced. why is feather placement so difficult man
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Does anybody remember Dragon Tales? 🥺
#pbs kids#dragon tales#nostalgia#my art#artists on tumblr#sketchbook#watercolors#doodle#was my third fav show on the network next to sagwa and clifford#insects#bugs#i went through like 7 pages trying to draw cassie lol no idea why she was so hard to get down
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