#people i knew and have so many memories with.

[zorbik-guligan]

Not really sure what incongruous means so I'll look it up after but it does feel like as i get older life gets more complex theres more things i understand now that sure i knew about them before but not in great detail but it feels like I've become so fucking complex as a person that if i tried to explain what i actually think and feel it would just overwhelm a person so i try and section myself off into pieces and just use different parts of me with different situations or people and it may just be because ive spent most of my time these past 2 almost 3 years now alone with nothing to do but think and figure myself out that when im asked what i think about something slightly personal its kinda hard to say it just got lost in my head somewhere and that whatever i think will change at a moments notice like i can bring up memories of lots of things and remember nostalgic times but i spent so long thinking about why i feel a certain way or what makes me feel a certain way in order to try and get a better hold of myself that ive kinda forgotten alot of my past like so many memories that i made are just gone because remembering them made me feel a way i dont want to feel like i remember realizing the beginning of 6th grade that i had completely forgotten 5th grade and the reason why was because that time i had was so nice yet not at the same time my brain just frogot because it didn't want a reminder of how good yet not something can be like great teachers who for the first time ever actually seemed to care as far as i could tell class mates who were generally friendly and occasionally checked on me if i seemed off yet i felt so alone cause nobody there really seemed like a real friend like the friends i had before who even when we were in deep trouble wouldn't rat me out and would stick with me who genuinely cared and missed me if i was sick getting older and not having anyone to socialize with for really formative years off my life has made understand those really old dudes who are nice and always up to make friends but just seem extra lonely for some reason despite knowing so many people i guess technically being that alone did hurt me but i kinda learned that im just not alone ever when im outside theres always some squirrels birds or plants nearby that make it more lively its why ive grown so fond of certain forested spots they are always lively and it feels like hanging out with all my friends its also why i enjoy making things like with metal or wood stone or even writing and painting those things feel alive in a way same with music and having time to think so much has made me reflect and realize that no day is the same and even when something changes something else stays the same or gos back to how it was in a weird cycle like growing but remembering where you were growing older for me anyways is like gaining more skills and more knowledge not just on the stuff around me but on myself too obviously people change sometimes pretty quickly too but getting older makes you learn more about yourself which duh that how life works but still it feels weird to be aware of it at 17 when it feels like i should still be trying to figure out my favorite youtuber or something not contemplate who i am as a person and what makes me feel the way i do but its a good kind of weird and theres always more to learn and find so i still have plenty of room to learn more about myself still not being able to really fully let a person know you kinda sucks but to be fair that is a rather special thing its also nice being able to put into words why i feel a certain way so that i can actually explain myself instead of just going quiet cause i dont know myself that well still kinda funny to know your own problems but not be able to jusy fix them when you know its a very deep problem even when it seems surface level and damn i got kinda personal there woops also just noticed that im shaking so might be overwhelmed remembering 5th grade which is probably why i frogot it or at least thought i did

anybody else feel that being human is like being a long-time syndicated cartoon character watching the world get more complex while your own design stays the same until youre incongruous with the reality around you??

[weeping-statue]

Oml I love your work sm, I’ve been reading you’re blog for a while and I’m obsessed 😭

If you end up having the time, may I request Naib, Ithaqua, Joseph and Richard—or just the first two if that’s too many! 🤍—with a s/o who was almost fatally injured in their matches and sort of comatose but eventually woke up? Feel free to ignore this if this is too much, thank you for your time~

Aww thank you so much my love<3 you’re so sweet!!! I didn’t really think that many people liked my stuff so it’s amazing to hear that they do! I try my best on these things and I hate when it takes me years to post something out.

I’m working on another fic that’s similar to this for naib so he won’t be included but I hope you’ll take Norton instead

Ithaqua, Joseph, Richard, and Norton with a fatally injured reader who finally wakes up!

———————————————————————

Basic background first before the good stuff<3

You were supposed be decoding, out of the way, and out of danger.

You weren’t supposed to take the hit. You weren’t supposed to be here.

It wasn’t fair when your body fell to the ground, blood splattering out underneath you into a pool of crimson liquid.

It wasn’t fair when he called out to you, and you didn’t answer, only to feel your pulse fading.

It wasn’t fair that he had to carry your limp body to Emily’s office in a panic, begging her to help.

And it wasn’t fair when she had said you might not wake up.

Ithaqua

He couldn’t sit by you the entire time you were in bed. It just reminded him of his mother.

He didn’t want to put himself through more with those terrible memories.

He’d visit you in the morning and at night.

Kissing you goodnight and kissing you good morning

Like some strange routine.

When he got the news you were awake he had dropped everything, but he didn’t run, he just had to make himself believe you were okay first.

He had to make sure this wasn’t some sick joke, and that he’d wake up in his bed only to be told you didn’t make it.

Stopping in the doorway, looking at you who seemed to be looking back at him with those surprised eyes, that beautiful smile he loved etched onto your face.

He knew after a blow like that there would be some damage, a large scar going from the side of your cheek and up to your forehead would forever be a reminder of his fuck up.

He feels terrible and sometimes it’s hard to look at you without guilt seeping in.

He doesn’t want to be like this but it’s his way of working through it.

He loves you a lot, he has dreams of marrying you and building a home far away. But now those dreams are plagued with the possibility that he’ll accidentally become the monster he tried to tell himself he wasn’t.

Joseph

Alcohol.

A lot of it.

Bottles and bottles of it by your bed side.

He refused to leave you. He couldn’t live with the fact he might of killed the only person he loved more than anything.

The only person that made this bearable. And they might be gone.

He would drink himself to sleep and he would drink the moment he opened his eyes.

Not a lot of people ever saw him cry, but now? Everyone did.

When he had a moment of soberness he’d look over and break down.

Joseph would barely shower, having to be dragged away from you and told to clean himself up, only to repeat that process.

During one of the times he was forced to bathe, he had stumbled back in, bottle in hand, only to be met with your disappointed gaze.

He knows how much you hated when drinks, and because of that barely touched liquor anymore.

“You said you’d cut back on drinking.” Your voice broke the silence.

Joseph rushed over to your side, falling onto his knees and sobbing. “Stop it. Now’s no time for lecturing. I thought I had killed you. I thought you weren’t going to make it. I thought you’d be like Claud, and leave me all alone again.”

Your hand makes its way to his cheek, “I’m okay. I’d never leave you alone, I promise. These things were bound to happen. But I’ll be more careful.”

He nodded leaning into your touch.

Richard

He’s fuming mad. And of course concerned.

He was made to do one thing, protect, and he couldn’t even save the one he loves?

“What bullshit.” He’d say through gritted teeth. Watching over your body, breathing raggedly. His hands smoothing out your hair to look nice with a not so gentle hand. He’s holding himself back.

He believes this is partially your fault. You should have been out of the way. Doing your job and letting him rescue.

But no, you had to disobey, you just couldn’t listen.

He’ll look like he doesn’t want to be there when his facade slips around the others, but he really does. He hates the fact that you have a terrible possibility over your head.

And he can’t control it.

He’d make sure you look stunning even in your condition. He’d brush your hair, and make sure you’re somewhat clean. Because when you wake up he’s going to want to kiss you, remind you of the way it should be.

When he’s informed by Emily that you’ve made a recovery, hes immediately speed walking towards your room.

He wanted to be the first thing you saw, but oh well. He’ll have you back in tip top shape soon.

“Richard!” You exclaimed, reaching your hand out to him.

He takes it, kissing the back, “___, my dear. You gave me quite the scare.”

“I know.. I shouldn’t have been so foolish but-”

His lips are against yours before you can finish. It’s passionate and deep with his feelings. You can tell how much he missed you, how worried he was.

“Foolish or not, you’re still here, with me. And that’s all that matters.” He says softly, loving yet serious eyes looking into yours.

Norton

Out of everyone, him and Joseph are the two absolute messes.

Joseph might be a bit worse with his drinking but Norton becomes violent and agitated.

He’s freaking out, shoving people out of the way with more strength than necessary just to get to you.

He wasn’t there to help, maybe, if he was you’d be okay.

The possibility’s are running through his head and causing him to become anxious and angry.

Fools gold is right there behind him. Sitting in a corner silently waiting for you to awake.

Fools golds matches are either quick surrenders or he’s chairing everyone immediately.

Norton doesn’t know how to comfort himself and doesn’t particularly want his hunter version to even touch him let alone tell him nice things so he’s just suffering until you wake up.

This man actually wouldn’t leave you, even if he was dirty because he’s been like this before. It doesn’t bother him.

He had watched you wake up, your eyes being blinded by the bright light of day.

He was silent until you noticed him,

“Norton-?” You began, but the minute you spoke he jumped on you. Holding you tightly.

“Don’t you pull this shit again. You.. don’t know how worried I was.” He mumbled into your neck.

A lot of apologies were given that day and fools gold was right behind you when Norton had to go.

He may not have liked his other self but he shared the same love for you like he did. And if playing guard dog for a bit would ensure everyone to be happy and safe, then sure.

———————————————————————

I fear I only like Richard’s..

[dwobbitfromtheshire]

They talked about this before it started, that if it got to be much for anything, they would talk about it. Steve would understand. He always did, especially since he was afraid himself. Eddie's panic attacks were happening more frequently, and what happened over spring break was still fresh in everyone's minds. It was difficult for Eddie to breathe, and Steve knew it was coming, and Eddie did too. They could feel it when they touched, kissed, and fucked. They were already mourning a relationship that was never supposed to be serious in the first place. The next morning, Eddie told him that his band wanted to go on the road.

"I figured," Steve said, picking at his blanket.

"You're not mad?" Eddie asked.

"Of course not," Steve said. "This town is killing you, Eddie, I couldn't ask you to stay."

"You could ask," Eddie shrugged.

"You wouldn't say yes, and I wouldn't want you to resent me for staying," Steve said.

"You could come with me," Eddie said.

"You know that I can't leave the kids until they graduate," Steve said.

"And I can?" Eddie asked.

"Yes," Steve said. "You want to go. Do you want to go?"

"I do," Eddie said, swallowing thickly.

"I don't want to hold you back," Steve replied.

"You could never," Eddie said and paused. "I suppose you really can't have it all. You're right, I suppose I can't stay. I know I should have said. . .but I guess you could already tell. This town is killing me and not even you - which is crazy because you're Steve fucking Harrington. You're the most beautiful man alive. Inside and out."

Steve pulled him into a deep kiss, pouring everything he had into it. He could taste salty tears on his tongue. He couldn't tell who was crying more. Steve pulled back with a gasp.

"Eddie, I - " Steve closed his mouth and said nothing.

The next day, they said another goodbye, this time in front of everyone. It wasn't nearly as intimate. No one knew they were fucking. They had still been figuring things out about themselves, and Eddie hadn't been quite ready to label himself or tell anyone. Steve couldn't even tell Robin. The day after Eddie left, Steve took off to another bar outside of Hawkins. He couldn't go to the Hideout, too many memories, and he couldn't explain to people why he was drowning his sorrows. Steve was having a lot more difficult time than he had thought he would, and he respected Eddie's choice but it was killing him that he was gone, that there was an empty spot in his bed. He couldn't even tell Robin why he was so heartbroken. The best thing about this bar was that it was attached to a motel, so he was planning on getting drunk and finding his way to the room he rented. Of course, that's where he met Tiffany, who was just as heartbroken as he was. . .

"Steve, Steeeeve," Robin sang.

"Ugh, Robin, go away, my head is killing me," Steve said.

"Yeah, that's probably because you drank half the motel bar," Robin said.

"How are you here?" He asked, burying his head deeper into the pillow.

"You gave the girl you slept with my phone number, and you told her to let me know if you accidentally died," Robin said.

"I'm not dead," Steve groaned.

"No, but you look it," Robin scoffed. "You're going to need to check out soon."

"Where's - " Steve asked, looking up. "Tiffany?"

"Yeah. She left," Robin said.

"That's probably good for her," Steve said. "Ooh. I'm going to puke. Yeah, no, wait - yeah, I'm going puke."

He slipped out of the bed, butt naked, and ran to the bathroom to empty the contents of his stomach.

"Jesus, what the hell? I thought you were done with one night stands?" Robin asked.

"I just - yeah, I mean, I was but then - FUCK!" Steve yelled and then he burst into tears.

Robin frowned and grabbed a sheet of the bed, tossing it over him. She cleaned his mouth, sat on the floor, and pulled his head into her lap.

"Steve?" Robin asked. "I know you and Eddie have gotten close, but I didn't think you'd be this upset that he left. Jesus, how are you going to handle me going off to college? Shit, I put my foot in my mouth again, didn't I? Was that a little insensitive? Steve?"

"I'm in love with him," Steve sobbed, and then everything came pouring out. "I'm sorry and shit, I think I need to apologize to Eddie because I shouldn't have told you."

"Hey, hey, slow down. I think he'd understand," Robin said softly. "There's a lot to process here. I'm sorry, babe, I should have known."

"It's not your fault," Steve said. "I'm just so stupid."

"It's not your fault either," Robin said. "It was just a sticky situation for the both of you. And if you ever call my best friend stupid again, I'm going to beat you up. Only I'm allowed to call you a dingus, okay?"

"Okay," Steve said and laughed.

"Come on, let's get you home. . .dingus," Robin said.

Steve smiled. She always said dingus like she was saying I love you. God, she was his best friend.

"Dingus," Steve said, and Robin laughed.

"You're so drunk," she giggled. "Come on, Popeye."

It was a difficult time for Steve over the next few months, even more difficult than when he got over Nancy Wheeler. Maybe because he had allowed himself to be more vulnerable than he ever had with Nancy, and maybe in doing so, he had fallen harder for Eddie. With Robin's help, he was able to move forward. It helped that he had sold and moved out of his parents' place. They didn't think he could sell the place, but he proved them wrong. And with the money, he was able to tuck a lot of it away and move into a comfortable two bedroom apartment, an apartment that he was allowed to decorate however he wanted. After nearly a year, he was in a good place when things decided to turn upside down again for Steve. We'll, roughly 9 months later, to be a little more precise. . .

"Oh my god! I can't believe you forgot to buy me my favorite chips! After I came all this way to visit you!" Robin yelled.

"If you would move stuff around, you'll find them!" Steve exclaimed as he set up the movie.

"Oh, there they are! I knew you still loved me," Robin said.

Steve rolled his eyes as Robin came into the living room, her arms laden with snacks. She unceremoniously dumped them on the table.

"I'm glad you were able to pull yourself away from Vickie long enough to visit me before heading back to Chicago," Steve said.

"I can prioritize between the romantic love of my life and the platonic love of my life," Robin said.

Steve and Robin snuggled into each other, their matching pajamas firmly in place, as they settled in for the evening. Just as they were about to start the movie, Steve got the phone call. Robin watched as Steve could only give one words answers before finally putting the phone back down, his face pale.

"Steve?" Robin asked.

"We're going to have to cut the evening short," Steve said.

"What? But we've been planning this evening for weeks - "

"Robin, I'm a dad."

They drove to Indianapolis, where Tiffany had given birth, and now they were standing in the nursery, staring at the swaddled baby right in front of them. Tiffany had already left the hospital by the time they arrived.

"She's so tiny," Steve said breathlessly.

"And pink," Robin said. "She doesn't have a name yet. Do you have any ideas?"

"I - I don't know," Steve said.

"Do you want to keep her?" Robin asked.

"Yeah, I know it's crazy, but I want her," Steve said as he took her hand in his, letting her tiny hand wrap around his finger. "More than anything."

"You think of a name while I take your credit card and go get some supplies for your little chicken nugget," Robin said, squeezing his shoulder. "You're going to be a great dad."

Robin pressed a kiss to his hair, cooed at the baby, and then quickly left them alone. Steve watched his daughter wiggle in her blanket and listened to the noises she made, her little tongue darting out every so often. He watched as her brow furrowed in confusion. It must be so confusing to come into this world, not knowing who you are, where you are, and taken from the only place you've ever known. Steve placed a hand on her chest.

"It's okay, I'm here," Steve whispered, and he smiled when she calmed down a bit.

"You can pick her up, you know," the nurse said.

Steve almost jumped. He forgot he wasn't alone in the room. A friendly faced hispanic nurse was there, chuckling at him.

"I know, I just don't want to - she's so small," Steve said.

"Every good parent is afraid of dropping them," the nurse said. "Come sit over here."

Steve sat down in the rocking chair and watched as she picked up his daughter. He glanced at her name tag. Sofia. She placed the baby carefully into his waiting arms. He gasped in delight, the feeling of holding her overwhelming him in a very good way. Was he crying?

"Thanks, Nurse Sofia," Steve said.

"She looks good in your arms," Sofia said.

"She feels good. Feels right," he muttered. "She's so wonderful. Hey, there. I'm your dad. I know, it's crazy. Don't feel intimated by my hair. You're bald now, kiddo, but it'll grow. . .and even if it doesn't, I'll still love you. . .oh, I'm suddenly terrified. I am going to mess her up."

"Hush, you're going to be fine," Sofia said.

Steve watched as the baby's head started to move around, as though she was looking for something and she started to whimper.

"I think she's hungry," Steve said.

"See? Your instincts are already kicking in," Sofia said.

Steve smiled. Sofia reminded him of both Claudia and Sue. Oh, speaking of them. . .they're going to freak when they find out Steve made them grandmothers. Sophia left to go the formula and came back with it pretty quickly. She showed him how to hold it so the baby wouldn't choke.

"Thank you," Steve said. "I really appreciate it. . .oh, she's really going to town. Yeah, she was hungry."

"She goes after it like my four boys did," Sofia said.

"You have four boys?" Steve asked.

"Oh, yeah, they're a handful, but I love them. Supposedly, girls are easier, but I think that's bullshit," Sofia scoffed.

"Oh, girls are just as much of a handful. I babysit a group of teenagers," Steve said.

"Then you have some practice under your belt," Sofia said. "I always thought that if I had a girl, I'd name her Elizabeth. Never happened, but I'm happy with my boys, more than enough for me."

"Elizabeth," Steve whispered.

"Does that name mean something to you?" She asked. "It sounds like it."

It was Eddie's mother's name. He remembered him talking about her all the time, how she died when he was six, and how he got his love of his music from her. Eddie always wished he could have had more time with her.

"Elizabeth," Steve whispered to his daughter, and he smiled.

"Elizabeth Robin?"

"Of course, I named her after you," Steve scoffed.

"Oh my sweet little baby bird," Robin cooed. "I can't believe I have to go back to school soon. . .as her godmother, shouldn't I get like godmaternity leave?"

"Yeah, I don't think they do that," Steve said.

"Well, they should," Robin said.

"Yeah, I'll get right on that," Steve said.

"If you love your child, you would," Robin said. "By the way, Tiffany left you a letter at the front desk. They gave it to me."

Together, they got Elizabeth into the car seat and then into the car with Robin in the driver's seat, bringing her home. . .

Dear Steve,

I hope that night meant a lot to you as it did to me. I wanted to face you and tell you so many times, but I'm kind of a coward. I think we were both very heartbroken that night, and I hope you found the same comfort in me that I did in you. It gave the courage that I needed to face who I truly am.

I feel like something greater than ourselves brought us together that night. I was just a mere vessel. . .I know you wanted to be with someone else. You called out their name, and you said it like a declaration of love. I wasn't meant to be a mother, not yet. This isn't my baby. I hope that everything works out and that you feel it as much as I do. I was glad to help you and be a part of this journey. Don't wait too long to be honest with yourself.

Sincerely, Tiffany

"A mere vessel? What the hell does that mean?" Steve asked.

"Fuck if I know."

A YEAR AND THREE MONTHS LATER. . .

Eddie scowled, his ear pressed to the phone, as Dustin went on about Steve’s new special girl in his life. How many times did Eddie have to say that he didn't want to hear about it? He swore that Dustin's ears were only there for decoration.

"Yeah, yeah, that's great that this Liddie person likes Robin more than you, but I need to tell you something, and you can't say anything to Steve," Eddie said. "You can't say anything to anyone."

"Ooh, a secret, lay it on me, and by the way, her name is - " Dustin started to say.

"Okay, whatever. I don't care. I'm surprising Steve and coming home for his birthday," Eddie said.

"Oh, shit! He'll love that. He's missed you like crazy. We all have," Dustin said. "If you get in late, make sure it's before 7 because that's when he puts her to bed."

"He gives her a bedtime?" Eddie asked.

"Of course, he does! It would be completely irresponsible to let her go to bed whenever she wanted to. She needs a schedule, Eddie," Dustin said.

"That sounds a little controlling, but okay," Eddie said.

"Well, what time would you give her?" He asked.

"I wouldn't give her a bedtime at all!" Eddie shrieked.

"Eddie! You can't do that!" Dustin exclaimed.

"Look, just don't ruin the surprise, okay?" Eddie asked before saying goodbye and hanging up the phone.

Yeah, he was definitely going to win Steve back because, honestly, this new relationship of his sounded a bit messy, and Steve deserved better than that. How much trouble could this girl be that she needed a bedtime? She has to be the one that's trouble. . .right? Steve Harrington couldn't have lost his way. There's no way he would have turned to the dark side after he left. Either way, Eddie needed to intervene.

"Okay, okay, you can do this," Eddie breathed.

He looked at the address written on the piece of paper and checked it again. He was in the right place. He didn't waste any time after visiting with Wayne. Steve’s apartment was his second place to visit. Eddie took another deep breath and knocked on the door.

"Coming!" Steve yelled, and then he heard muffled laughter from Steve. "Lizzie! Stop barking! You're not a dog! I'm going to have to talk to Robin about teaching you that."

Steve opened the door, and he nearly stumbled back at the sight of Eddie. Steve was wearing sweats and an old t-shirt of Eddie's. . .to Eddie's delight. His hair was longer, and he had quite a bit more scruff to him. Eddie was also pleased to see that he was wearing his glasses.

"Hey, Stevie," Eddie said, shoving his hands in his pockets.

"Eddie," Steve breathed.

They've talked on the phone and written each other letters but it was definitely better seeing each other in person.

"I wanted to surprise you for your birthday," Eddie said. "Surprise!"

"My birthday isn't until next week," Steve said in amusement.

"So, I came early," Eddie said, and then he smirked. "It's not like I haven't done that before. . .but then, you know that."

"Eddie," Steve scolded, but he was smiling and blushing. "Come on in."

"Don't mind if I do," Eddie said, stepping over the threshold. "So, where's this girl of yours? . . . Liddie? I want to meet her."

"She's in the living room, and her name is Lizzie," Steve corrected, laughing. "Come on."

Eddie followed behind Steve, enjoying the view as he did so. When he walked into the living room, all he saw was a playpen with a little girl inside. Was Steve in the middle of babysitting?

"I don't see her," Eddie frowned.

"Lizzie's right there, Eddie," Steve laughed, pointing at the crib.

"Oh my god! Steve!" Eddie yelled, appalled.

"Uh?" Lizzie asked, looking up from chewing on her teddy bear.

"Yeah, I know, I have a daughter," Steve said. "Surprise! Although, I thought you knew."

"A daughter! Oh, oh, thank god!" Eddie said, clutching his chest.

"What were you thinking?" Steve asked in confusion.

"Uh, never mind what I was thinking," Eddie said, blushing. "So, a daughter, huh? How old?"

"A year and three months," Steve said proudly.

"Oh, wow," Eddie said with a grin.

"Yeah. Time flies, and it seems like only it was only yesterday that I was in the hospital with her. . .holding her for the first time," Steve said.

A year and three months. Eddie looked at the kid. She was cute with curly brown hair and big brown eyes. Apart from that, she looked almost exactly like Steve. Eddie chuckled. It almost looked like they had a baby together. A year and three months. A year and three months?! Eddie did the math in his head. They had sex right before Eddie left, which meant that Lizzie would have had to have been concieved sometime around there. Lizzie. . .Elizabeth. . .oh, after his mom?

"Oh my god," Eddie whispered softly and grabbed his arms. "Steve. . .Steve, is she mine?"

"Eddie," Steve said slowly. "I want you to really think about what you just said."

"I am thinking about it! I'm thinking about you going through all that alone!" Eddie exclaimed. "You had to deliver her without me there to hold your hand!"

"Eddie, I didn't - "

"I'm such an idiot! I never should have left, I mean, I could have toughed it out a few more years!" Eddie shrieked.

"Eddie, I swear - "

"Oh, my god, and even though I wasn't there for you, you still named our daughter after my mother," Eddie rambled.

"If you would just stop for a minute and listen - "

"Steve!" Eddie said, grabbing his arms. "Was it the bat bites? Because I slept with a guy like a month ago, and it was only because he was wearing a polo like you! I also slept with a girl. . .she had hair like yours! Can girls also get me pregnant?! Do I have to take a pregnancy test?. . .Lizzie, sweetheart, I think you're going to be a big sister!"

"Arf! Arf!" Lizzie barked.

Eddie bent over, putting his head between his legs as his mind spun around in circles. He felt Steve grab him and drag him into the kitchen. Steve yanked off his vest and jacket, tossing them onto the counter. He turned on the faucet, grabbed Eddie's head, and shoved it under the water. Eddie shrieked.

"Okay! Okay!"

Steve turned off the water and let him up. Eddie scowled as he rung out his hair.

"Are you done?" Steve asked.

"Yeah, thanks, I needed that," Eddie said.

"Lizzie is not your daughter," Steve said.

"She's not?" Eddie asked, with wide eyes.

"Okay, with you looking at me like that, I kinda regret saying that," Steve said with a sigh. "I'm sorry, Eddie."

"No, fuck, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have left," Eddie said. "I think I just regret doing that."

"Eddie, this town was suffocating you," Steve said. "You needed to leave."

"Did I, though?" Eddie asked. "Wayne managed to tough it out here."

"You need to stop beating yourself up for reacting to a bad situation that was out of your control," Steve said.

"I regretted the minute I left, but I was already out there on the road with the boys," Eddie said. "I loved it, but I think I might have left my heart behind here."

"You want to stay?" Steve asked.

"If you'll take me back," Eddie said.

"It's hard to say no when you're looking all sad and wet like that," Steve said.

"I want to stay anyway, even if you don't want to take me back," Eddie said.

"I have missed you every single minute of every single day," Steve said. "I haven't stopped loving you or hoping we'll find our way back to each other."

"I love you," Eddie whispered.

"I love you, too," Steve said.

Eddie grabbed him by the waist and kissed him. He felt Steve smiling into the kiss, wrapping his arms around his neck. He pressed Steve up against the counter, melting into him like butter. He broke the kiss, crossing to press thousands of tiny kisses all over Steve’s face. Steve giggled and pushed him back.

"Will Lizzie's mother have a problem with this?" Eddie asked.

"Oh, she's not in the picture. Hold on," Steve said.

He left and came back to Eddie, putting his hair into a towel. He handed Eddie a letter.

"What's this?" Eddie asked, sitting on a stool.

"The day after you left, I went to a hotel bar, drank it, and met a woman who was just as heartbroken as I was," Steve said. "We slept together and nine months later, Lizzie was born."

"A mere vessel," Eddie cackled after reading it. "I like her. She sounds like me."

"She also looks like you," Steve blushed.

"Okay, so we went the long way around, but we got here," Eddie laughed. "She is my daughter."

"What?" Steve asked.

"In every other way except biologically, Elizabeth is mine. I mean, you even named her after my mother," Eddie said.

"Yeah, I did do that," he blushed.

Eddie pulled Steve in between his legs, wrapping his arms around his waist. He studied his face, drinking in every inch of skin, every mole. . .God, he loved this man.

"Steve Harrington, if you want me to, I want to be your baby daddy," Eddie sighed.

"I do," Steve smiled.

Eddie flashed his dimples and smacked Steve’s ass.

"Well, introduce me to our daughter, big boy," Eddie said.

Steve laughed and pulled him up off the stool. Holding his hand, he pulled him down the hall. Eddie stopped him before pulling the towel off his head and fixing his hair. He straightened his shirt.

"What are you doing?" Steve asked, his hands on his hips.

"I want to look good," Eddie said, and then he gasped. "Steve, what if she doesn't like me?"

"Eddie, she barks like a dog. She's going to love you," Steve said.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Eddie asked, and Steve just shook his head.

Eddie followed Steve into the living room, where Lizzie had moved onto a cloth book. Her little tongue was out as her little finger traced the words as though she was trying to teach herself how to read. Eddie smiled. She glanced up and smiled at Eddie then at Steve.

"Dada?" Lizzie asked and held her hands up towards Steve.

Steve pulled her out of the playpen and put her on his hip. Holy fuck, Eddie thought, he looks totally hot.

"Lizzie, this is Eddie. He's going to be your other Dada," Steve said.

"Dada?" Lizzie asked, confused.

"You get two!" Steve exclaimed, pointing to himself and then to Eddie.

"Two Dadas!" Lizzie clapped.

"Wow, she caught on quick," Eddie said.

"Yeah, she's smart. I'm still not sure how much she understands," Steve said.

Lizzie leaned over Steve’s arms and reached towards Eddie. He grinned and took Lizzie into his arms.

"Hi," Eddie whispered.

"Hi," Lizzie said.

"Hi."

"Hi," Lizzie said, and then she giggled.

She reached over and started licking Eddie's cheek. Eddie cackled.

"Yeah, we definitely should talk to Robin about this. She can't go around licking people," Eddie giggled.

"Dada! Dada! Dada!" Lizzie shrieked as she bounced on his hip.

"Ooh! I wonder - ," Eddie gasped.

"What are you thinking about?" Steve asked.

Eddie set Lizzie on the floor and sprawled out in front of her.

"Okay, can you raise your little fingers like this?" Eddie said as he raised his pointer fingers to his head to make horns.

Lizzie blinked at him. She reached over and grabbed Eddie's hair.

"Ah!" Lizzie screamed.

"No, baby, no!" Eddie said while Steve laughed.

Eddie eventually guided her gently and got her to make little horns while sticking out her tongue. It wasn't perfect, but she managed it with Eddie's help. Luckily, it took Eddie long enough for Steve to get a camera.

"Good job, daddy," Steve said.

He leaned down and kissed Eddie. Lizzie shrieked and pushed Steve off Eddie. She scrunched up her face at them before hugging Eddie.

"No, Daddy, don't do that," Eddie laughed. "That's gross. . .Thanks for saving me, baby."

"I ordered dinner. . .Are you gonna stay the night?" Steve asked.

"I'm going to stay forever," Eddie said as he hugged Lizzie to him.

After dinner, Eddie happily helped Steve give Lizzie a bath before throwing a colander over a flashlight in Lizzie's room to make stars. He laid down on the floor with Lizzie curled up between him and Steve, her eyes getting heavy.

". . .so I opened my eyes and wondered if I was floating. I realized a moment later that a beautiful man was carrying me out of hell. He was begging me to stay with him, and I did want to stay with him, but I didn't know why. He spent the next few weeks taking care of me, and I spent the same amount of time trying to fight the fact that I was falling for him, a man. It wasn't until the town had run me out that I realized I was in love with him. When I came back, I realized I never wanted to leave him again. . . That man, of course, was your daddy. So, the next time I go on the road, it's going to be with you and your daddy in an RV. Your daddy is going to be playing obnoxious music, so I apologize in advance."

"Hey, your music is not obnoxious," Steve said.

"I was talking about yours," Eddie grinned.

"Hey!" Steve exclaimed, slapping his chest.

"Shh! Steve, our daughter is asleep. . .what is that sound?!"

"Yeah, she snores," Steve said.

"My god, that's the loudest sound I have heard from someone so tiny."

"Hey, Eddie," Steve whispered.

"Yeah?"

"We're a family," Steve said and Eddie leaned over Lizzie's head to kiss him.

" . . . And they all lived happily ever after. . ."

[loveandlegacy]

i think this is a little unfair as a critique because i generally do not see much value in being like "well i wish this story had just been a completely different thing instead of the story it was" like there are better ways to talk about how a narrative could be improved on its own merits rather than just saying "well do something different". BUT this is my blog where i get to say what i want and so: read the rest at your own risk wherein i talk about what i might have preferred to see with viktor's storyline

i think that if they were going to dispense with the variations of viktor's prior lore - which is totally fine to do tbh! - but they wanted to still stick to him feeling more alienated and indifferent to human needs/suffering but also superior to them and kind of outside of time without fully leaning into the timeloop cyborgism of it all, it would have been wise to make him somewhat more nihilistic on the order of doctor manhattan?

a: if he were outside of time in the way that doctor manhattan is, it would avoid the issue of a time loop (which generally tends to damage to a story in my opinion) and would still permit for some kind of epiphany about love a la what happens with doctor manhattan and laurie juspeczyk. it also would maintain viktor's ability to see into other people's pasts and memories or to walk among them in those past places. this might have even allowed us to get a fuller and more sensitive picture of sky as a person independent of viktor once he was unstuck from time or in quantum time or etc!

b: jon osterman is a physicist and, like viktor, goes through a transformation that basically makes him feel completely distant from humans and as if their fates are fixed in a hopeless cycle, he's obsessive about his research, and he generally behaves as if humanity is somewhat beneath him because of how he experiences time and space

obviously there are some differences. doctor manhattan never aims to build a perfect world of flawless nonsuffering. he decides to abandon humanity altogether, and the person with the questionable morals driven by a raging ego is adrian veidt, but honestly you could just blend the archetypes of the two and get a clearer sense of direction for viktor's story.

like obviously this is just my vibe. i think i like this better because doctor manhattan and adrian veidt, both of whom are deeply selfish and in veidt's case egomaniacal about how to 'fix' the world, are still realized in ways where both characters feels more complicated than how viktor's story played out in arcane. like even leaving off the league lore about him, i think the show either didn't have enough time to fully actualize the struggle in him between wanting to help and being sure he knew better than everyone else about how to help, or it was always just going to be too cartoon-villain simplistic with his army of evil robots. i think the latter is unlikely given that they worked pretty hard to paint silco, jinx, and more or less everyone else in the undercity in many shades of grey but who knows!

like most of what frustrated me by the end about viktor's story wasn't that he was doing cruel things, it was just that those cruel things felt goofy and flat compared to even the cruel things ambessa was doing for most of the season. i cite mandus from a machine for pigs a lot as a different possible comparison to viktor. mandus is another industrialist/inventor who ends up splitting his consciousness and decides the world is full of nothing but cruelty and that he knows better than everyone else and starts mutilating people and feeding them to each other to build a new world order. but even mandus, who traps people into forced-cannibalism, feels that he has more depth to him than viktor did for me by the end of the show. it may be how mandus's story is constructed and that his logic feels sadder than viktor's, or it may just be that again the writers had less time to deal with more storylines but! idk!

all in all i maintain that the machine herald arc was pretty disappointing and honestly kind of goofy/immature along with being like cringily ableist and relying on politically unsound tropes that mostly amount to 'hey watch out for communist zombies', so i'll be out here thinking about what might have made it land better for me

[pinklayla123]

It truly saddens me to see people JUSTIFY Rhysand drugging and Sa'ing her, as a Nurse I see so many young women being drugged and assaulted come in everyday and every day I see people saying, well they just touched you nothing else, he just made you take off your clothes, you went to the party on your own, He was trying to protect you, he had to do it for your own good,

My god If something like that happened to your daughter would you ignore it? would you side with a person who did stuff like Rhys?

These people are really vile, god I never knew coming here wouldn't be safe space but people would attack people like that.

Idk why I got this ask since I feel like I've made my interpretation of what happened UTM clear, but no problem, we can address it again.

I feel like when people "justify" Rhys's actions UTM they aren't saying "He was well within his rights to do everything he did UTM" it's more "Yes he did things that aren't really good but they came from a place of saving Feyre from a much much worse fate, and if you hear Feyre's perspective of the events, especially later on in ACOMAF, you can see that she agrees with Rhys that he did what had to be done to keep everyone as safe as possible, and that the things Rhys did UTM did not in any way, shape, or form leave a lasting negative impression on her", which I feel is a little bit obvious if you bother to actually read the books, but I digress.

Also, Rhys wasn't doing all this for his personal enjoyment. He says later on that finding Feyre in Tamlin's manor and later having her UTM had him quite feeling extremely frayed because he wanted to get her away to keep her safe. It's not like he wanted a lap dance so he drugged a defenseless girl to exploit her. I would argue it was the opposite.

Like yes, obviously, drugging someone so they have no memories and have them dance all night is a horrible thing to do, but if the choice is between that and them getting tortured within an inch of their life by someone who has a track record of being extremely cruel and the power to do what they want and genuinely hate the person at risk, you might unfortunately have to go with the lesser evil.

For example, imagine that I am walking on a sidewalk and I randomly push the person in front of me into the road. Obviously that's not a good thing to do. But what if I pushed them on the road because there had been a handyman on the side of the building and he dropped his hammer right where the person was about to pass. Me pushing that person onto the road is still bad, but given that the alternative was a hammer falling on their head and potentially killing them, the situation is a bit more understandable.

Also, it is important to remember that Rhys has spent 50 years wearing the mask of a cruel asshole who give zero fucks about anyone and is in a position where he doesn't really have room to do anything since the safety of the entire NC depends on him being able to keep Amarantha believing he is exactly who he is pretending to be.

So yes, his actions can be seen as morally ambiguous, but really, what else was he supposed to do? Stand beside Amarantha and give her pointers on where to cut Feyre?

[keewu]

What VOCALOID/utaite song fits the sds characters?

This is basically me combining my two biggest interests haha, but yeah I've really thought about this.

Meliodas: Aun no Beats. So from what I've read and what I think the meaning of the lyrics is. It's a person who mourns the death of their lover, and not being able to be together anymore (we all know why this checks out) the line that stuck out to me was "we were going to be together forever" anyway I really like this song and I think it fits him.

Elizabeth: Yume to Hazakura. This is a really beautiful song and its very melancholy. It talks about distant memories and unforgettable words, tbh I think it just fits her vibe. For Meliodas I had like a reason I don't think I have for this one. But it fits her and it's a beautiful song.

Diane: Lonely Universe. It was HARD finding a song fitting her man. But I think this is cute and it's her feelings toward King. It's in my opinion about a person who loses someone (King making Diane forget about him) and waits for them to come back, like they are always looking for something. It also feels like the person waiting is quite alone which Diane was after she left the giants, she didn't have anyone since the humans found her scary.

Ban: Vita. I gotta give my man a depressing song bro. So I can't really find the "meaning" of the song so I'll just make my own conclusions. It says "I'm living as best as I can" and "dying as best as I can" and I feel like that resonates with Bans character, you can't tell me that man doesn't want to die when he deliberately went to prison to get tortured. It also says "it's getting worse and worse" which I feel like Ban felt when he said that everyone he likes ends up leaving him.

King: Lemon. Ya'll I cannot not give King the yaoi angst okay. So the song is about grieving for a loved one, someone who's already passed (Helbram hehe) it has lines which are very beautiful like "Even the pain from that day, I still loved it all with you" and "more than I knew I was in love with you" (if you can't tell I really like King x Helbram) overall the melody of the song fits him too and overall I really frickin love this song.

Gowther: Hitomodoki. This is a mafumafu song (one of my fav artists btw) and Hitomodoki means kinda like Pseudo-human which in of itself fits my boy here. As soon as I listened to this song I thought how much it fit Gowther and I could go on a super long rant, but instead I'm just gonna drop some lyrics on you cause you'll see what I mean. "Is this hole I had mistakenly opened within my heart" and "In this human form, without becoming a human" and "oh, my heart — I once wished that you would have stopped" like you get what I'm putting down??

Merlin: Rollin' Girl. I had so many songs for her, like bitter Choco decoration, bad apple, lost ones weeping etc. But I decided to go with the old classic depression song. Again from what I read and how I interpret it, it's about a girl who's very lonely and needs help but never accepts it from other people. Even though she's in pain she want to keep "rolling" each day at a time (continue to live) she always wants to be perfect/succeed. Lyrics: "it doesn't matter how It turns out, that's just a downward hill towards more mistakes" anyway I feel like this song really fits her. Also this song may or may not have been my most played song last year and Merlin may or may not be my favorite character hehe...

Escanor: The reason I wanted to die (Boku wa shinou to omottetanowa. So as you can see this is a depressing song once again (all these mfs be traumatized) and its a really beautiful song that really shows how Escanor feels in my opinion. It sings about reasons to want to die and it's about grief and despair but also hope. The lyrics "The reason I wanted to die is because I hadn't met you yet" and "I fell in love with this world a little more where people like you were born" feels a bit like his feelings toward Merlin which is cute.

This is honestly mostly for myself but if you enjoy reading all this thats great!!

[lizzie-queenofmeigas]

Warnings: Incest.

Sarah stared at the god awful wallpaper that was all over the dining room. Rose chose it. She changed most things when she moved in. Her taste was terrible compared to her mother's. All the warmth in Tannyhill disappeared the moment Rose moved in. Sarah wanted it back. She wanted to make it her home again.

Their home.

They had money now, and Rafe had left her in charge to redecorate. Had given her a small portion of their cut to make Tannyhill more homely. The rest was either kept in a safe place or invested in something to get more money out of it. They wanted to keep their previous lifestyle, and for that they needed the money to keep coming. They invested in something safe, and not too much more than the minimum. They had to be smart about it.

Rafe had wanted to use some of it to pay the debts that were all over Cameron Development, but Ward had signed the company over to Rose. Some sort of revenge for their betrayal. It was almost better that way, so they could star over. Besides, with their share of the gold and Rafe starting the process to access the fund left to them by their mother they didn't need anything from Ward. The Redfields had been the richest family on Kildare, and their mother was the last of them so everything went to her. And now that she was dead, everything went to her children.

The only bad thing was that it was taking a little too long, they weren't supposed to have it until Rafe turned twenty-four. Because he was supposed to go to college. Well, he did go to college, but he dropped out the first year. Another thing Rafe didn't like to talk about.

There were so many things he didn't like to talk about.

Like what happened in the Bahamas. The kiss. When Rafe kissed her. When she liked it. They returned home and they didn't talk about it. The summer ended and they didn't talk about it. Christmas passed and they didn't talk about it. But Sarah couldn't stop thinking about it. Every time he kissed her forehead or her cheek, every time he smiled at her, every time he hugged her she thought about it. Did Rafe think about it too? Did that kiss haunted him as it her? Or had he forgotten about it?

No.

He hadn't, she knew that. They slept in the same room, the same bed, and sometimes he murmured her name in dreams. She probably did the same, all things considered. But that was wrong. It should disgust her. They were siblings, they couldn't be together that way. They couldn't. No matter how much she wanted it, or how much Rafe may want it. So maybe it was better if they never talk about it. If the kiss just stayed forever undiscussed.

It's for the best.

With a sigh, Sarah wrote down the word wallpaper on her list. It was a list of things to buy for the house. It was pretty long already.

"What about a bigger couch?" suggested Wheezie from the other side of the table "The one we have is too small for the three of us, and it's also kinda ugly"

"Yeah, a couch"

Wheezie wrote it down on her own list, with one of her glitter pens.

"I don't really remember how it used to be" she commented sadly "I was like four when Rose began changing everything. How did mom have everything? There isn't many pictures of the house before"

"There are some, but they're up in the attic" she put down her own pen "Mom had it all very homely, like one of those Christmas commercials" she smiled at the memory of the fireplace and the lush carpets all over the floors "There were pictures of mom's ancestors over the walls, pictures of the house in the past. We were always running around, she didn't mind, unlike Ward. She used to organize parties during the summer nights and had her clubs coming over in winter"

Elizabeth Redfield was a member of the high society of South Carolina. People in the Outer Banks fought to befriend her, to be part of her book club or her painting club. 

"Sounds so cool"

"It was. I'm thinking of putting the old pictures back on the wall and pictures of mom too"

Rose took everything down the moment she became 'Mrs Cameron'. Every trace of Elizabeth Redfield. Rafe and her kept some pictures of her in their rooms, but most was up in the attic.

"That's a great idea" Rafe appeared in the room. She had to turn her head to look at him "Yeah, let's do that. I've been thinking about it myself. 'Bout mom's old room. I think I'm gonna move there"

Their mother's room, not Ward's and Rose's, but the main bedroom of Tannyhill. No one had used it since her death. Rose hadn't wanted to sleep where their mother used to, so Ward and her took another room. Now Rafe wanted that one. The biggest room in the house.

"Oh?" did that meant he wasn't going to sleep with her anymore.

"Don't worry, you can come in any time" 

Sarah smiled and rolled her eyes. She probably would put part of her clothes on that wardrobe, it was the biggest one. Wait...was he suggesting to make it their room?

"You two are weird" Wheezie wrinkled her nose and picked up her phone "Tomorrow after class I'm going to Sandra's. We're celebrating the last year of middle school"

"Not sure why you're celebrating that, high school is a nightmare"

"I don't really remember high school" Rafe squeezed Sarah's shoulder "Anyway, I got shit to do. It's time for bed, Wheez"

Wheezie frowned "I'm not a child, Rafe. I can go to bed when I want to, I'm almost fourteen"

"No, you go to bed when your legal guardian tells you to. Go"

"Ugh. You're no fun anymore"

"That's so rude" Rafe's hand wrapped around her neck, not squeezing or pressing, just lingering there. Sarah's heartbeat raced. Why? It was just her brother showing his care for her "Wanna come to bed?"

Her eyes widened, did she hear right?

"What?"

"To sleep, Sarah" he smirked, lifting his hand from his grip around her neck "What else would it be? I'm gonna hit the shower"

Sarah did the same, taking a shower in her bedroom's bathroom. Not even the hot water seemed to be able to erase the tingle on her neck were Rafe had wrapped his hand around. 

She should sleep in her bed tonight, should stay away from Rafe. She didn't. She went straight to his room, to his bed. Rafe was still in the shower, he usually took his time. Or, jerking off. He didn't sleep around anymore, not like before. He never brought girls to Tannyhill and he never stayed the night somewhere else. It had been a couple of months since he had sex. That she knew, at least. So he was definitely jerking off. And who was in his mind while he did it? Maybe her.

No.

No, not her. She was his sister. He wouldn't think about her. That was wrong.

Like the kiss?

Rafe smiled when he saw her, right after he left the bathroom. He was clothed. Thank God. He laid next to Sarah, and hugged her close to his chest. It was always so easy to sleep like that. So easy to sleep with him. It always had been.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Rafe drove her to high school. Not Kildare Academy, no, but the local high school. She had quit the Kook Academy before summer ended and enrolled into the local high school. It was better that way. The kooks kept on gossiping about Ward, about her family, and they wouldn't receive her with open arms. They chose Topper's side after the breakup. So she went to Pogue School (that was what the kooks called it), because at least there she had actual friends. 

The situation with the Pogues was better now that they had the gold. Even with John B things weren't terrible. He still wanted to get back with her, according to Kie, but hadn't made a move yet. Sarah hoped he never did. She really didn't want to hurt his feelings again. 

"See you later" Sarah kissed his cheek and left the car "Kie is coming later to the pool. Did I told you that already?"

"No. The pool, really? It's winter"

"It's hot" she shrugged.

"That's the global warming" Kie joined her at the gates of the school, standing by her side as she nodded towards Rafe "Hey, Rafe"

They were cordial now, more than before.

"Hey, Kie" he greeted back "Guess I'll pick you up after school then. Bye girls!"

A slight smile decorated Sarah's face while she watched him drive away.

"How was the weekend?" Kiara asked, intertwining their arms as they walked to the door "Mine was insane, I mean, my parents are constantly on my ass lately. I can't believe that after all of it, everything with the gold, they still think I'm lying to them. Can you believe that?"

Anna and Mike Carrera were known for disliking Kie's friendships, they had always criticized her decision to befriend JJ, John B and Pope. They only liked Sarah, but that was because she was a kook and they thought she was a good influence on Kie. She really wasn't, but they didn't need to know that. 

"Not to judge your parents or anything, but they are kinda classist"

"Yeah..." Kie accepted a little deflated "I can believe that from my mom, 'cause you know, she has always been a kook. But my dad? He was a pogue. He grew up on the Cut. I don't understand how can he act like that with JJ and John B, and shit, even Pope. And it's Pope, you know? Everyone knows he's good"

Sarah nodded along to her words.

"Who's good?" Sarah jumped back when she heard JJ's voice "Me?"

Pope, John B and JJ were walking by their side now. Pope was carrying his backpack and books, while the other two were carrying absolutely nothing.

"You?" John B chuckled "Nah, must be Pope. No one would ever describe us as 'good"'

"Yeah, we are talking about Pope" Sarah nodded "Because honestly you two are what can be described as 'No good'"

"Rude, Miss Cameron" 

He had been very angry at her, JJ, when she broke up with John B. He had been even more pissed when she told Rafe about the gold, but now they were cool again. Hell, he was cool with Rafe even. Mainly because Rafe and her helped John B and him to gain the emancipation. So one didn't have to go into the system and the other didn't have his father spending all his money.

"She's not wrong" Pope joked.

"Hey, guys, Kie is coming to Tannyhill later, you wanna come with us?"

"Oh, yes" JJ nodded earnestly "It's really fucking hot lately, I could do with a pool"

"The ocean is right there and it's free. That being said, I'm in too"

"It's Rafe cool with that?" John B shifted, stopping himself before crossing the door.

Sarah thought it was the fact that he stood witness to what happened to Peterkin, the reason John B was so uncomfortable with her brother. Pope and JJ didn't have that problem, nor did Kie. They came over to Tannyhill and spend the afternoons there, sometimes studying, sometimes doing other things. Rafe wasn't particularly bothered by them either, he was nice even. Hell, he even shared his whiskey with them sometimes. Well, he did once, and Pope proceeded to loudly declare he was never having whiskey again. JJ liked it though.

"He usually is"

"Never complains when we go to study. Not even when JJ drinks his whiskey" Pope commented " Are you going to stand there or...?"

"No, no. Let's go to class"

And if the other students whispered things about her father, Sarah pretended not to notice.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Club was almost completely full at that time of the day. Which wasn't surprising, rich people loved brunches. Especially the trophy wives, they spend the whole they at the Island Club or shopping. Or that was what Rose did most of the times, even though she did have a job and a business of her own. Which was not really her own, but something that Ward gave to her when they were still having an affair. She did manage it, but not on her own. Rose's real estate business was in cahoots with Cameron Development. To no one's surprise. So yeah, she was a trophy wife. And not one who did useful stuff.

Not like his mother. Elizabeth Redfield was always organising galas and charity events. She liked to help people, to help the island. And sure, what she had had been handed to her, she was an heiress, but she still did the work. She still managed her money and gave it to good causes. Unlike Rose. 

Rose only drank wine and bought stuff, like every other trophy wife on that damn island.

"You're being weird lately, man" Kelce sipped his margarita. He loved that shit "Like, seriously. I get that you have to step up now that your dad is in prison, but all of this? It's a little too much, man"

Rafe raised an eyebrow. Honestly, he didn't know what Kelce was talking about. It could be so many things.

"What do you mean?"

"Really? Man, I get that you're clean now, but...I mean, how long has it been since you got laid?"

Months.

Nothing since the summer. Since before doing what he did. Since before the crime. And it was not like he didn't have any opportunities, because he did. Especially since he got the the gold. He wished he could say it was part of his efforts to stay sober, but it wasn't. It was because it felt like cheating. It felt wrong, only the thought of sleeping with someone who wasn't—

"A while" he admitted with a nod before taking a bite of his fried eggs "It's one of the pillars of sobriety: celibacy"

He didn't know if it was, but it could be. So far he did more drinking and smoking and managing stuff to keep himself sober. And thinking about his sisters.

"Sucks to be you. Like I'm genuinely feeling sorry for you"

Rafe chuckled "Thanks, man"

He had known Kelce since They were kids. Their mother's were friends. Well, everyone was friends with his mother, and every parents wanted their children to be friends with the son of the Redfield heiress. But Rafe was a difficult child, or so people said. Most kids didn't want to stick around him. He was too creepy, they said, either too quiet or too prone to tantrums. Except for Kelce. Kelce didn't give a shit about how creepy he was. Kelce just wanted to play hide and seek. And then he just wanted to play basketball. And after that he just wanted to go to parties or chill near the pool.

He was a good friend.

"Anytime"

"How's it going with Scarlett? She's still not interested?"

"Oh, shut up" he smiled "She'll come around"

"If you say so"

"So this... celibacy thing, is it forever?"

God, he hoped not.

"No, no. Just until a few months" a year. Two. He had no fucking idea. Until Sarah— "Then I'll go back to normal. Minus the coke"

"Good. 'Cause I think you'll go insane if not, man"

Yeah, that was probably true.

"Guys?"

His eyes rolled on their own when he saw Topper approaching. He really wasn't in the mood to deal with Topper. He never was lately. Topper used to be so funny to him, so so funny. Now that he was sober, he wasn't funny anymore. Funny how that worked.

"Hey, Top" Kelce greeted him with a smile "Aren't you supposed to be in college?"

"Oh, I'm taking a year off to learn from my grandfather. Gonna be a judge, like him"

"Good for you, Top"

"Judges do make a lot of money" Rafe agreed.

If he got to be one. It wasn't a sure thing, those studies were pretty hard. Or so he heard. He wouldn't know by experience, his one year in college was mostly about parties and drugs. And waking up without remembering what went down last night. That happened a lot.

"How's Sarah doing? Enjoying Pogue School?" There was some mock to his question that Rafe decided to pay attention to "Can't imagine it'll be easy to get into a good college from there"

"Sarah is going to Chapel Hill, like Ward and our mother did"

Topper showed his palm "Didn't mean any offense by saying that"

Yes, you did.

"None taken" he smiled tensely. Be civil. Be civil "Bye, Topper"

Something flashed through his face, disappointment of some kind. Rafe didn't care. It took a lot for him to actually care at times, and Topper almost never got him to care.

"Dude, you didn't need to be that rude. What went down between you two anyway?"

What, indeed. Nothing really, he simply bothered Sarah and in turn bothered Rafe. Lie. And, in addition, maybe he was a little jealous. Jealous that he got to be with Sarah, while he didn't.

"Nothing. Life, I guess"

Kelce hummed, the look on his eyes told him he didn't believe him. Of course he didn't. He knew him too much.

After having lunch with Kelce, Rafe went to pick up Sarah and Kie. But it wasn't only them he was picking up, apparently. Thank fuck he got the truck for that, because the Pogues inmediatly got in. Sarah on the passenger seat, and the rest on the back. JJ sat on the floor of the car due to lack of seats. He sighed.

"What are you all doing?"

"Sarah said we could come with you to Tannyhill" Pope answered, slightly kicking JJ who was at his feet "Right?"

"It's hot, dude, almost like it's summer. You have a pool" 

"That's the global warming"

"Yeah, you said that like twenty times already, Kie"

"We live by the fucking ocean"

"Pools are cooler" JJ smiled "That's why they are making me one in my house. I'm going full kook, people!"

JJ chose to stay in that shithole that he grew up in, bought it from his father and remodeled the whole place. 

"Right, and can't you buy a car for yourself? You're the king of spending"

"I'm not!"

"You do keep buying dumb shit" Pope side-eyed him "Why haven't you bought a car?"

"I bought a new bike. You're the one who keeps telling me not to spend all at once!"

"You're telling me that none of you bought a fucking car?" 

Weren't poor people supposed to be practical? They sure weren't.

"I had the Twinkie fixed and bought a bike" 

"I'm saving it"

He turned his head to look at Pope, a little incredulous.

"All of it"

Pope just shrugged "College is expensive"

"Not that expensive"

"Most people who win the lottery end up losing everything for making bad decisions with the money. I'm not risking it. I'll keep the money safe and use it only when it's needed"

"Fair enough" Rafe looked out of the window. The people were leaving the school grounds while they bickered "Alright, JJ and John B, grab your bikes and meet us in Tannyhill"

The two pogues stared at each other.

"Yeah, that's probably for the best"

"Good idea"

It didn't take them long to reach Tannyhill, John B and JJ following after him.

The Pogues made themselves right at home, like they usually did. Shit they even had clothes there, Kie specially. He didn't mind. Not really. It reminded him of the time when his mother lived. When Tannyhill was a vibrant place full of life and people. A better time.

Rafe laid down on his hammock, the winter sun warming his skin. It didn't burn, not like the summer sun, though he didn't doubt Kiara was right about the global warming. He definitely needed to invest in something to help with that, once he got the money from the fund his mother left.

JJ took a dive into the pool, splashing water all over Sarah and Kie and almost Pope who was holding a book.

"Be careful!" he shouted.

"Fucking hell, JJ!" Kie wiped the water off her face before frowning and jumping into the water herself "Come here!"

He turned his head to Sarah who laid on her hammock, listening to whatever John B was saying.

Fucking John B.

Rafe's eyes seemed to have a life of their own that day, glancing at Sarah's body. That bikini looked great on her. And that was definitely something he shouldn't be thinking about. That was his little sister. He held her when she was a baby. He told her bedtime stories. He played with her. He shouldn't be looking at her chest go up and down, and he definitely shouldn't be letting his eyes fall to her cleavage.

He swallowed and turned to Pope.

"What are you reading?"

"Dune" Pope raised his eyes from the book "Is a sci-fi novel, pretty good. You should read it"

"Oh" he knew that book. His mother used to have it on her nightstand. Had to be somewhere in the attic "I just might"

JJ laughed, Kie was on top of him, trying to push his head underwater. 

"You guys know anything about your dad?" Pope put his book down "Like, how he's doing in prison"

"Nah. He hasn't tried to call me, I'm not surprised by that. He hates me"

"He has tried to call me a couple of times" Sarah commented as if it was the most natural thing in the world "I don't pick it up. I don't wanna talk to him"

And she never told him. Ward was calling her and she never mentioned. His jaw clenched.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

After the Pogues left, Sarah felt as if the house was colder. Not because they left, but because Rafe was suddenly so distant. He didn't even look at her.

Wheezie called and said she was staying the night at Sandra's and that only made her feel worse. 

Rafe had retreated to the office, the one that was Ward's but now was Rafe's. And honestly, Sarah couldn't stand the silence. She couldn't stand how cold he was now. How did she ever deal with it before?

"Do you want to tell me what's wrong?" she closed her arms over the oversized shirt she wore over her bikini "You are cold and silent. That's not you, Rafe"

He looked up from whatever document he had been reading.

"Why didn't you tell me Ward was calling you?"

Was that it? Was he jealous of the attention their father paid to her? Again? It wasn't her fault. She didn't mean for it to happen. She broke their relationship (No, it wasn't her. It was Ward), but that wasn't enough. Tears prickled at the corner of her eyes. When will it be enough for him?

"This again? Are you once again blaming me because dad is a piece of shit?!"

Rafe growled, slamming the table and standing up. She jumped back.

"No! I'm pissed because you didn't tell me!" In tree strides he crossed the room, stopping when he was close to her. So close she had to crane her neck to look at his face. So close, she could feel the warmth coming from his body "I'm angry, because we are supposed to be in this together, but you are keeping secrets"

Sarah shook her head, trying to blink away the tears.

"I'm not keeping secrets"

"Then why didn't you tell me?!"

"I didn't think it was necessary. We don't really talk about everything"

"Don't we?"

Now or never.

"We don't talk about what happened in the Bahamas" she whispered "Do you wanna talk about that?"

"No. I don't wanna talk"

His hand closed around the back of her neck, like she was a misbehaving puppy, and her heart jumped. Sarah let him pull her closer. She let him kiss her.

[noegrets]

I love him, and I love to hate him! Gin is a really wonderful villain. He's extremely skilled, extremely perceptive, and able to hold in that he knows something until the right moment — unlike a certain protagonist we know who just has to blurt out his deduction the moment he has it.

Example: Gin knew when Sherry was hiding in the fireplace — because he could hear her breathing! — but let her think she had escaped so that he could learn more about the situation and better confront her later. How many other times has Gin actually known more than he's let on? When Conan was hiding in the locker, did Gin really just coincidentally decide to stop looking right then — even with Conan breathing heavily right there?

Does Gin really forget the names and faces of the people he's killed? If yes, that's kinda cool in its own evil-zen way (and lol at the tag: #go ruthless guy with face blindness and shitty memory <3). But I also wonder if he really was being 100% serious when he said that, or if this is just another example of him being more aware of the situation than he's led us to believe.

Gin is also so so so horny to be an assassin. He's absolutely found his calling in life. He's got the classic car and the black trenchcoat and the long hair draped over the black trenchcoat because he doesn't even need to be subtle. And he's got the gun and the cigarettes and the cigarette lighter from his classic car and the cigarette smoke in the noir shadows... And he's gotten ever more impatient and homoerotic as the series has gone on. Which on the one hand is awesome, but on the other hand makes me a little bit worried that such a cool character as Gin is in danger of becoming flanderized for the sake of senselessly hot violence. He can maybe have a bit of senselessly hot violence sometimes, as a treat. Or as a character flaw, ooo, that would be awesome. But I think Gin would generally be much more into sensibly hot violence.

Example: Gin caught an FBI agent, stuffed his gun into the FBI agent's mouth, and asked the FBI agent if he'd be willing to spill the secret location? The FBI agent unintelligibly went murfmumrmah with the gun in his mouth. And Gin goes, hm? not willing to talk huh? And then Gin shoots the FBI agent dead.

Either: 1) it's a plotpoint that, actually, Gin doesn't need the secret location and this was all a ruse just for some sadistic fun! (hot and sensible, very good, yes). Or 2) Gin really does need the secret location but he got too horny to hold himself in check (hot but not very sensible and might veer into out-of-character territory if he does this sort of thing too often without it being addressed in some way!)

Like, this easily could be a flaw, and he has made other mistakes in the past that could be attributed to horny impatience (example: he made extremely predictable choices when ensuring the death of someone he really wanted to see dead). But if Gin keeps messing things up by being too horny, it's a bit weird that Vodka never comments on it (hey Aniki, are you sure that was a good idea?), it's never an issue for him, etc etc.

Gin messing up due to horniness is at odds with his other characterization of being so extremely perceptive and competent. He's also sadistic, yes, but you can't just throw his other characterization away for the sake of a sadistic scene. Unless you are writing it that way very much on purpose!! If written well, this would make Gin more complex and probably hint at the mode of his future downfall. But if written poorly, it could make Gin lose the cool characterization he had before.

So, ultimately, Gin is a character I love enough to worry that he might get flanderized! :X

[painted--constellations]

woke up from an awful dream and i don’t even understand what it was all about

[sysig]

I think the world is so wonderful... (Patreon)

[fatehbaz]

.

[mcrcki]

"you know that's not what i fucking mean, xaden, don't fucking start with that--" they were only feeding off each other, and despite violet knowing that, she cannot stop herself from following him down this path, letting his anger fuel her own. "you're changing physically because of whatever the fuck you've done! i can fucking watch you become someone different! every time you tap into that fucking power, you're changing!" she felt like she was going to break down, every other word from him had her reeling, watching him become more and more unrecognizable.. this couldn't continue on, she had wasted so much fucking time without her memories, had spent so long just what? flirting with him and going on fucking dates with dain? she had doomed him with her inactions, her inability to find a cure. only putting herself in danger more so he felt like he needed to do more and more to protect her? "you think i wasn't tired of the maybe's?! of the fucking uncertainty that was going to come with you going down this road, with there being no fucking wards, no one else here that knows what the fuck a venin is! but if my two options were you dying or you becoming this, that doesn't put me in a fair position and you know it. i couldn't choose between those two, and you cannot expect me to make that choice." though, now, he had made that choice, leaving her with no other option right? if he was going to keep falling, not giving her any time to find a cure.. could she let him just walk away knowing how much of a danger he could become? he was already the most powerful rider in their generation, what would be become as a venin? "i can handle myself! you know i can! i don't need you to keep fucking draining because you're afraid of me being hurt! why can't you help me without falling further down this path, xaden? why does it have to be this way!" he had helped her so many times, had kept her safe so many different ways already, why did it have to be different now? why was the only option complete indifference or draining! "those people were complacent in torturing me and my friends, they would have killed you. someone just trying to deck you because you're being a dick is different! killing using those powers is different! how do you not see that every time you use them is making you fall deeper into this! that every time you drain, you get closer and closer to becoming one of them! how can you expect me to just sit back and watch you destroy yourself!" it was so hard to look at him, to see xaden underneath all of this. he was just right there, right within arms reach and gods all she wanted was her xaden back. to never have to deal with this venin bullshit ever again. but every day she was in danger, and considering her track record and luck that was nearly every day, he would continue to fall, until he was completely unrecognizable. before her and her friends were in danger because they stood in his way. wasn't it her responsibility to stop this? he became this because of her, she had to be the one to stop this. "you can't promise that. my power is basically the only thing that can fucking kill you, you remember that, right? you really think you won't see that as a threat if you let yourself go any further!" they were going in circles, this wasn't going to get them anywhere, not when he was clearly dodging her questions again, waiting for her to 'ask the right one', she's so sure. she wanted to fucking scream, needing a straight answer out of him for once. "tell me their name xaden. what is the name of the person you just killed?" because of all the people they knew... what were the chances that it was one of her friends? that rhi or dain or mira said something that set him off.. did he know anyone else that would send him over the edge that wouldn't have broken him? because touching imogen or liam would be too much, this wouldn't even be a conversation.. but dain? mira? her heartbeat only grew louder in her ears waiting for the answer, knowing it'll devastate her regardless.

"being physically different doesn't mean shit, are you really that fucking shallow, violet? i look a little different, that means i'm going to start attacking and killing the people i've given up fucking everything to protect? you act like i did this for a fucking laugh, everything i've done has been to keep you all safe!" he's sure he's given up more than she knows. he's very aware of the fact that his father is watching from wherever he is, cursing his name and disowning his only son. there's no family for him when he does meet malek, she'll be the only one by his side, and yet somehow he's the bad guy here. "we've been existing on a maybe for months! i'm not going to apologize for being sick and tired of balancing on the edge of whatever the fuck is going to happen when i finally let go! i'm sick and tired of this shit, violet! i wanted to end it all and you wouldn't let that happen, i wanted to embrace it and now that's a problem too!" he couldn't keep standing in between two different shitty endings, something had to give eventually. and at least this way, he could keep her safe. "really, because it seems like you're just expecting me to ignore the fact that you're in danger because it might make me get worse! we don't even know if that's the reality of it and you're acting like i shouldn't try to help you because of a guess!" he can't help but shake his head, frustrations leaking into every word he speaks, frustrations he'd never imagined being aimed at violet of all people, and yet here they are. "how was it different? i killed dozens of people that day, violet, none of who actually started the fight, but i kill one that attacked me and you're up in arms? that's not fair, you can't change your standards now because you don't like the method." but the more she lectures him, the more he doesn't see how they can possibly come to an agreement on this. she'll never see him as anything but a monster now, will she? as much as she claims not to, as much as she claims she wants to save him and keep him by her side, he's always going to be a monster to her now. "you would never be just a fucking power source, violence. and i think liam would respect that i made a choice to keep him alive, and that i'm still me after all of this!" and would that be partially because he was their leader? because liam felt loyalty to him? maybe so, but he's sure liam still would have accepted the choice after a bit of a debate. the same way he'd accepted every other sacrifice xaden had made for the marked children to keep them alive and safe. "i knew who it was." he replies, already knowing that elaborating any further will doom him, damn him in her eyes as something mad and irredeemable, if he isn't already. and maybe that's the problem. she knows too much, knows him too well, thinks she can read him like a book and know that something is wrong, rather than accepting that she's reading into something that isn't there. "it's not your responsibility, violence. i made my choices, they're my responsibility."

[stephaniedola]

every time i start to think things might be looking up with my dad some bullshit happens that makes the guilt kick right back in again

[kuroosdarling]

hello friendz !! i am packing my bags and moving to @tetzoro !!! please come join me if ya want ^_^

back to navi.

[ghostboyhood]

dude im

i think this is the first time in... as long as i can remember that life's actually going well. like sometimes life just Goes By until something bad happens or whatever... but like, ive had a lot of pretty good days in the past month ish? ive gone to two really amazing local shows recently, plus some other concerts, im seeing my favorite band next week, i might be making merch for another one of my favorite bands.... and yeah ive had shitty days and i got sick but like.. i remember those days well so the inbetween is just, that.. the in between... god idk becoming more involved in my local scene has been so fucking surreal..

[aliteralchicken]

getting so many flashbacks to being a teenage aroace, I have a terrible memory so there’s defo more I’m forgetting

• came out to my two oldest friends three separate time because they kept ignoring me and pretending it never happened, I gave up

• my friend straight up told me that my sexuality wasn’t real

• closest friend at the times girlfriend put a video in the group chat I was in about how aces weren’t real and they all liked the video (my mate had to apologise separately because they didn’t want to get in an argument with her)

• someone I knew, who didn’t know I was ace, unprompted, asked that since asexuals didn’t like people did they fuck dogs? Her friend looked at her like she was a genius who’d solved string theory, I told them both no

when I was at least fourteen someone who was the same age as me told me I was too young to know I was asexual (id actually been out as ace since I was like twelve) and when someone asked her when she figured out she was bi she said oh I was seven :) and did not see the irony at all