#peak romance it’s so fucking funny

[nick-close]

Thinking about Morgan’s “Y’know who listens to me? Glenn. He doesn’t process it properly, he can’t like- fully understand, but he’s TRYING”

[starry-bi-sky]

pouring one out for luo binghe in my disciple SQQ fic, poor guy has taken a backseat here. we're nearly 30k words deep and he hasn't even shown his face once. it'll be much longer before he even actually talks to Shen Qingqiu.

(i say im pouring one out but in reality im sitting in my director's chair chewing on a cigar and wearing a beret as he tearily and unsuccessfully pleads with me for more scenes with Shen Qingqiu)

[aq2003]

series 3 is so frustrating because there is like a shining core of pure diamond underneath the problems . like conceptually it rocks so incredibly hard. but the problems

[martyrbat]

lois lane the autistic woman you are... <3

[unproduciblesmackdown]

speaking of everyone like where's the story songs where's the songs about specificass situations where's songs about anything that's not generic romance or generic i want to hook up tonight, what a great time i had the other night just ending up on a thread going Sure Show Me That One okay now Sure Show Me This One nyc cabaret videos lol. that usually whatever show things were from will have its own overarching theme but individual songs will probably have this standalone quality to them & be bangers while also probably getting surprising, funny, odd, have Specificity. obviously being youtube posts of live performances of nyc cabaret like singers who are also Actors left & right, songs that are written for live performance with a story, musicals, musical theatrey concerts, cabarets, standalones. going like well i don't have specific context for what might be a larger work this was developed to be a part of but damn if i don't need that to follow gists & enjoy shit anyway. damn if some songs take situations that could be framed in a more "relatable" mundane or [remove disambiguating details] way but makes a point to clearly put it in some really specific Situation & lord knows please with sense of specific character(tm)

[shippy-from-apocalypse]

Soulmates can be Fun and they have some REALLY creative prompts, that being said they're usually not my Cup of tea

I get frustrated because they have SO MUCH potential (and when they're really explored it can make GREAT stories) but mostly it stays surface level

Curious, I haven’t really seen any real trend among aspec people and the ship tropes they do like, however I think I kinda seen a trend in what they dislike. So in the tags tell me if you’re aspec (ace and/or aro) and if you dislike soulmates, and I mean the most straightforward romantic non subverted kind (but if there are versions you like feel free to elaborate)

[lulunothulu]

“Not a Reader”

Jake “Hangman” Seresin x Reader

Summary: Jake finds one of your romance books and decides to read it. He thinks it would be funny to quote it to you.

Content: Just fluff 😂

Everyone thank @fanficmom94 for this idea (Most of these book quotes are fake btw lol)

Jake wasn’t being nosy. No, he was…being resourceful.

A few days ago, Jake caught you reading one of your romance books in the living room when you thought he was still at work for the day. He knew you loved to read, but he never guessed you’d read romance.

Specifically, smutty romances.

No, when Jake saw you turn beet red at the sight of him walking into the living room and the way you closed your book…it told him all he needed to know.

So now, he was on a mission to find said book and read it before you got home from work.

Why would he do that on his one day off? Because 1. He wanted to know why you turned so red. And 2. He loved seeing you flustered. The fact that after reading something it made you get up from the couch and straddle him, also helped motivate him to look for the book.

If he could laid and see you get flustered, he’d be golden.

Where could you have left a dirty book?

He smiles to himself when he remembers the bookshelf he bought you a while ago came with a square box container. He knew it in his bones that it was in there.

He grabs the box, the wool fabric scratching against his calloused hands. He peaks inside and smiles to himself.

I knew it.

Pulling your book out, he turns to the first chapter and gasps. The first scene opens with the main character in the middle of receiving oral.

Jake’s immediate reaction is to close it because what the fuck? He opens it again, going back and reading the chapter before continuing on to the next.

Before the knows it, he’s three books into your collection when he hears the garage door opening. He almost tears a page while he’s scrambles to put the book (and box) back where he found them.

“Jake!” You call.

“I’m coming!” He responds.

Jake looks in one of the mirrors in the hall and almost laughs—his cheeks are bright red.

By the time he gets downstairs, he hopes his cheeks are back to normal but seeing as your brows lift, they didn’t.

“Are you okay?” You ask, a smile creeping on your lips.

“Mhmm,” he smiles. He kisses you before pulling you into him by the hips. “I missed you today.”

“Did you?” You ask. “On the one day you have off?”

“Yes,” he gruffs. “I especially missed the way ‘you look kneeling before me’.”

“What else did you miss?” you ask, not catching on to what he’s implying.

“I missed the way your lips ‘caress the nap of my neck’ and how you ‘call me your mate’.”

You pull away from him, eyes narrowing. “Where did you hear about mates?”

“Oh, I’m not even done.” He chuckles, pulling you into him again. “I especially missed the way you ‘pray to the heavens to let you come from my fingers’.”

“Jake! You read my book???” You cry out, embarrassment rushing to your face in a deep blush.

Jake only laughs, pulling you closer.

“No, get the fuck off me!” You laugh.

“Or what? You’ll ‘grant me pure and total damnation’?”

When you swat at him, he chuckles. “By the gods, Y/N! You can’t keep me away from your ‘ethereal loins’.”

“Now why did you read that book?” You ask, giggling at how weird it sounds coming out of Jake’s Texan drawling mouth.

“I read three of the books in your ‘forbidden box’ and I’m not ashamed of it.”

“Well, Mr.Nosy Butt,” you start. “Did you get to finish the scene where Cori and the dragon man have sex in the air while he’s a dragon?”

“Honestly I tried to block that out,” he admits.

“How about the scene where Solari and Camden have sex in the bathroom with all the steam?”

He pretends to think. “Actually, you might have to demonstrate how they’d do that.”

You hum, grinding into his hips before kissing him. “Well I guess we have our work cut out for us tonight.”

Before you can ask, you’re over Jake’s shoulder and he’s practically running up the stairs to y’all’s bathroom, excited yelps falling from your lips.

Good googly moogly, I’d love to try those scenes with Jake 😏

[monstersflashlight]

idk if you want to make this a full on fic but I was just imagining trinket fairy reader with a dragon idk you wanna make it Platonic or not up to you, but I didn't imagine much only those two as pairings and how they might possibly bond

Sorry if it's really vague and not giving you much of an idea 😭

Love you and your writing ♥

Thank you! Means a lot. <3 Mmmmm I like your idea. I’m thinking of fairy and dragon with multiple forms, so in this piece they are in their more human-ish form, but the size difference is still big. Like he can be a basketball player kinda tall, and she can be like 30-40 cm shorter. Like BIG size difference, and lots of banter. I think It would be really fun to see them interact regarding his hoard. The idea of a trinket fairy taking all his things just to use them for gadgets and building new crazy stuff while driving him crazy, but not really bc he’s deeply in love with her… Peak storytelling. So yeah, that’s where my head is at with your idea, but make it spicy. Hope you like it!

Restaurant delight

Dragon x fairy fem!reader || teasing, banter, semi-public sex

You were having a dinner date, mandatory by his strict standards of what a relationship meant. You thought it was really funny how insistent he was about taking you out at least twice a month. He told you it was to keep the romance alive, and you didn’t mind, you liked to show off your big hunk of a dragon boyfriend.

“You need to stop taking things from my hoard,” he told you out of the blue as you were reaching for some garlic bread. You blinked slowly up at him, your wings twitching behind you.

“No.” You munched on some bread as he sputtered beside you.

“Wh-what? What do you mean no?” He looked confused and annoyed, a purple-ish blush creeping on his blue skin.

“What’s the point of having a dragon boyfriend if I can’t use your stuff to build cool gadgets?” Your logic was perfect. He had tons of stuff, you liked stuff. You took stuff, you build stuff. Easy, simple.

“I- You- No. They are my precious possessions,” he tried to argue.

“I took a plastic car.” You sent him an are you kidding me look. You didn’t want to be mean, but you also knew he really didn’t care that much about the things you took from his hoard. He had a ton of stuff, most of it he didn’t even know was there.

“It was shiny!” His exclamation made you want to giggle, but you referred, biting your tongue as you looked up at him. Dang, why was he so damn tall, you had to look up even when you were sitting down. Damn hot dragons and their incredible height.

“You didn’t know you had it until I took it,” you counterattacked.

“I- Please, stop.” His tone was sincere, but you also knew him too well. He wasn’t really trying to argue with you. Someone was horny and wanted some fun banter to get you riled up. He knew you always wanted harder and faster when he argued with you beforehand. It wasn’t the healthiest approach to your sex-life, but it was fun as fuck.

“Does it really bother you so much?” You asked, trying to sound sincere and innocent, not playing into his game. He loved to rile you up, but you loved to be a brat about it even more.

You knew it worked when he looked at you confused. “I- Yes?”

“Is that a question?” You kept munching on the bread, completely nonchalant about his alleged annoyance.

“No?” You bit down on the bread to keep from smiling at him. “Okay. Okay. I just… I like my hoard.” His statement was lost when his face got even more purple. He was embarrassed, and he looked so fucking adorable you wanted to coo at him.

“I like it, too. I’ll stop if it bothers you… Or we could make a deal.” Your flirty smile wasn’t lost on him, who looked at you with a glimmer in his eyes.

“What deal?” His big wings twitched behind him, a telltale sign that he was getting nervous, anticipation probably filling him.

You munched on some bread and waited patiently until he was drinking a bit of water before telling him: “You allow me to take stuff from your hoard and I suck your dick.” He choked on the water and started coughing loudly.

You patted his big back, “accidentally” touching the base of his wings, the area you knew perfectly well made him lose his mind when caressed. Your fingers lingered a bit there, as he regained control of his breathing. He shuddered at the contact.

He looked at you with fire in his eyes, you lowered your hand and rested it on his thigh. “I bet I could even do it here,” you murmured. You didn’t give him time to react before your hand was over his growing erection, making him squirm under your touch and flush heavily again. He was adorable.

“Wh-what?” He stuttered, his pulse picking up as you licked your lips looking straight at him. He shivered visibly and the hardness under your hand twitched.

“You like that? You like the idea of me sucking your dick in a restaurant’s bathroom, big guy?” You knew you hit a nerve when his wings fluttered, almost hitting the poor waitress as he walked pass your table. He apologized profusely as you squeezed his dick. He looked back at you angrily, but he didn’t stop you. His flushed skin was so bright you wanted to kiss him senseless, but you were already thinking in other stuff, spicier stuff.

You were about to open his fly to get some skin to skin contact when the waitress arrived with your food. Your hand never left his clothed dick, rubbing softly as you cheerfully talked to her. Your boyfriend was a stiff form next to you, his big hand resting over yours, but not stopping you.

You ate with one hand and left the other over his dick, absently stroking him as you kept the conversation flowing. “Act normal or people will realize,” you instructed. He looked around panicked. You giggled and kept telling him about your day, and what new gadget you created. When he whimpered, you decided it was time you made good on your deal. “Go to the bathroom,” you instructed. You took your hand away from his dick and smiled when he got up fast. There was a wet patch in his pants. He covered it with a hand, but not fast enough for your eyes. “I’ll see you there in a few.” You smirked at him as he almost ran to the bathroom.

You followed a few minutes later, slowly making your way to the restroom, checking there wasn’t anybody around before entering the man’s bathroom. He was pacing the tiny space when you opened the door. You pushed his big chest until he was sitting down on the toilet. You positioned yourself between his knees and fell to your kneed before him. He whimpered.

You took him out of his pants and slowly started mouthing him over his underwear, making a mess of it. Making a mess of him. His head was thrown back, and the precious shimmer of his scales was making you itch to touch him. You took him out of his underwear and went right for it. He wasn’t expecting it and let out a loud shriek when your tiny mouth tried to stretch around his tip. You both know there was no way his dick could fit inside your mouth, but you could be smart about it.

You played with his tip for a bit, but realizing you didn’t have that much time before someone thought you bailed without paying the check. You grabbed him with both hands and started a fast pace up and down, sucking the underside of his dick and making him whimper. He was looking at the ceiling when you asked: “So, do we have a deal?” He looked down at you, dick still against your lips, and groaned, his dick twitching. You stopped moving your hands when he didn’t answer.

“Yes. Yes. Whatever you want. Take whatever you like.” You smirked up at him as your wings fluttered behind you. Seeing him so gone was turning you on like crazy. You couldn’t wait to get him home and ride him.

You lowered your head and started a punishing pace with your hands as you latched into his tip and started licking and sucking and doing everything in your power to make him lose his mind. “Good boy,” you whispered against his flesh when he shuddered under you. He was so close you could feel the temperature around you rising, his dragon fire so close to the surface. “Come for me,” you ordered, your mouth a few millimeters away from your expecting mouth. He complied instantly. Shooting rope after rope of cum in your open mouth, some of it landing on your lips and making him groan softly.

You swallowed everything he gave you and rested your head against his thigh. “Oh fuck,” he muttered. You looked up in time to see a big black circle on the ceiling. He breathed fire and burned the fucking ceiling. You started laughing so hard that you fell on your ass in front of him. He looked so embarrassed and cute that you laughed harder. “Stop it,” he muttered, his face bright purple.

“Was it that good?” You teased.

He growled at you, without malice. “You know it was. You always are. Your tiny hands and your fucking mouth… Ugh, you drive me crazy.” He picked you up from the floor and devoured your mouth, groaning when he found his own taste there. “Go back out, I’ll wait for a bit.”

You sat down back to your table and smiled at the waitress, she definitely knew what you two did in the bathroom. You didn’t care. You would do it again in a heartbeat. There was nothing better than your boyfriend’s dick. He came back a bit later, still looking embarrassed as he asked for the check and urged you out the door before somebody discovered the big black burn in the bathroom’s ceiling. You laughed all the way out.

You were walking to your car when he told you: “You know I would have let you have all my hoard without any deals, right?” You smirked at him as you walked to the car, an extra movement to your hips that made him groan behind you.

“Yeah. I know. I just wanted to suck your dick.” His footsteps sounded loud against the pavement as he followed you, your wings fluttering again when he embraced you from behind, and turned you around, his hands landing on your ass and pulling you up so he could kiss you properly.

[incorrectsmashbrosquotes]

Rating Non-Zelink and Non-BotW Link Ships in Legend of Zelda Games because they don't get enough love

Malink; Malon x Link: Adorable and somewhat canon depending on who you think TP Link's parents are and what timeline shenanigans you subscribe to. Link's first non-Kokiri friend turning into his soulmate is cute and finding peace after the craziness of OoT is beautiful. Also, Malon is cute as a button. 11/10, love you, funky Horsegirl.

Ilia x Link: Pretty good but feels too much like a reskin of Malink to be really fun. People give Ilia grief for freaking out about Epona but it really isn't fucking deserved. Girl get's done dirty by the narrative and the fandom and she deserves better. Also, memory loss and falling in love all over again is absolute peak. 9/10, you deserve better, baby.

Marin x Link: A child's first taste of tragic ending and hot girls being doomed by the narrative. Very child friendly "Calypso and Odysseus" feel to this one. Still, Marin is absolutely adorable and the idea of falling in love with a literal dream is heartbreaking. 10/10, would cry like a little kid again.

Link x Ruto: Okay, hear me out, this one isn't terrible. Ruto's chld-like crush on the guy who saved her life is pretty cute and being a haughty teenager about it is pretty funny. Also, she understands they can't be together, and sends him off with her love and good wishes, which is surprisingly mature of her. I'm just saying, Ruto isn't the weirdo people make her out to be. 7/10, it still feels like entrapment

Midlink; Midna x Link: TOP TIER! BEST OF THE BEST! ABSOLUTE PEAK ROMANCE! Romeo and Juliet style star-crossed lovers from literal opposing sides of reality. Allies of convenience to friends to soulmates?! PEAK! Adorable evil goblin design for most of the game and then complete knockout reveal at the end?! ROMANCE DOOMED BY THE NARRATIVE?! PEAK, I TELL YOU! PEAK! (Also I headcannon that because Midna looks like a Hylian she's considered ugly by Twili standards so Link finding her beautiful warms her heart). 20/10, best ship, best girl, best love story.

Ganlink; Ganondorf x Link: Objectively the funniest Legend of Zelda ship in existence and I will take no arguments on that. Destined enemies giving the middle finger to fate and falling in love instead? Amazing. Ganondorf hates every minute of it but he's also the happiest he's ever been with this stupid twink and he hates that too. 10/10, something something the Grinch's heart grew three sizes that day.

Link x Zant: Objectively hilarious as Link is seducing his enemies into submission yet again, like any self-respecting bard, but this one feels a little too Batman x Joker like for my liking. I really ship Zant x Therapy but Midna watching her rival give up his conquering ambitions for a twink is objectively hilarious. 8/10, not great but not bad.

Got others you want me to rate? Let me know! Or better yet, rate them yourself and I'll tell you if I agree or not.

[leatherbookmark]

(post sponsored by the enormous cloud of authorial THEY'RE SUCH BESTIES, TRUST ME, THEY LOVE EACH OTHER SO MUCH hanging over a fic that shows the characters exchanging nothing but unfunny jabs and being ultimately unhelpful to each other for The Entirety of the fic. which i assume is hilarious if you're below twenty but Alas, I Am Not)

idk how else to say this but like. presumed [thingname], in a fanfiction way, that kinda. doesn't work. a fascinating creature

[bitchimasnake-sss]

nsfw alphabet ft. monkey d. luffy!

set-up: no set up, just a collection of short nsfw drabbles featuring the most himboest himbo in town &lt;;3

warning: nsfw themes (obviously 😭); mdni thankyouu &lt;3

💟aftercare:

look, luffy sleeps in the middle of actual fights. there's no fucking way this man can stay up after y'all are done fucking (esp. if you've gone for a couple of rounds already). it's not too bad, since you get too tired too and he gives the best cuddles when he's passed out. just get used to getting the aftercare in the morning because that's when he checks up on you, get's you both some food (v.v. imp)

💟body part:

his favourite part of you: he is actually infatuated with every aspect of you but holy shit your tits??? he might actually be clinically obsessed with them. whenever you're cuddling, his hand finds your boobs (even if it's just to hold onto them lightly). he doesn't give a fuck about sizes and will 100% go on them for hours (i think it's his oral fixation lmaoo) his favourite part of himself: he loves his arms. other than the fact that they are one of his major weapons in any fights, he can see how you silently stare across his biceps when he's just helping around the deck. you always hold onto his arm when you're out in public too. he also loves when you get so pent up that you end up driving crescent cuts in his arms and shoulders as he fucks you.

💟 cum:

luffy's a nasty, messy man. do what you will with that info. he will cut off an arm and a leg just to finish anywhere on you whether it's inside, on your face or on your chest. just knowing that some essence of him remains on you drives him feral.

💟 dirty secret:

he's probably addicted to your smell. this sounds weird but i def think he's one of those people who steal their girlfriends underwear and then get off of them. like if he goes into the shower right after you and can smell your lingering shampoo and soap then he will fuck his fist as if it's you.

💟experience:

luffy was a complete dumbass in anything sexual but yk he is willing to learn anything that pleases you, so, once you teach him just what he's supposed to do, he will practice it on you till he reaches perfection. be prepared for a fuck lot of practice sessions tho.

💟favourite position:

i think his favourite position is missionary. he's a simple man. you're pretty as fuck and he's obsessed with your tits, what else is he supposed to do? but he's down to try just about anything and everything if you ask him to.

💟goofy:

goofy and luffy sound similar for a reason. im not saying he's giggling and kicking his feet as you go down on him but if something embarrassing happens, he needs atleast five minutes just to laugh it out. he doesnt do it in a mean-spirited way, ofcourse. he's just a silly little dude and that was funny.

💟hair:

on you: he literally doesn't care. it's totally your decision. if you wish to keep it shaved/trimmed, great but if you cannot be bothered, then that's more than fine too. he is more than excited just to have you to himself, he doesn't really care about anything more than that.

on himself: again, he doesn't really care. but incase you say that you wish he kept himself a certain way, then he'd go out of his way to pay heed to your preferences. your wish is his command.

💟intimacy (how romantic is he during it?):

luffy isn't a inherently romantic person. romance and love for him come in the form of small moments and acts of kindness rather than gigantic speeches and gestures. so in the traditional sense, he isn't romantic. but he will always make sure you're comfortable and feeling well. and to him, that is peak romance.

💟jack off:

he has a very very high sex drive and he quickly learnt that you can't exactly keep up with that so, he usually masturbates whenever it gets too much and you're not available. prefers your hands over his tho. so, like, he only does it himself if he absolutely needs to. otherwise, he would beg and whine till you please him.

💟kink:

food play (he loves you, he loves food, whats not clicking??) i think he definitely has a mommy kink (except he wont actually call you mommy. he's just act submissive and let you do whatever.) he loves to do whatever it is to please you when he's in that sub headspace but normally, he can get quite absorbed in the way he's feeling (especially when you're giving him head), so, dont blame him if he goes a teensy bit overboard.

💟location:

literally anywhere or planet earth or even beyond earth for that matter. just give him a surface to fuck you against and he'd handle the rest. in terms of favourite, i definitely think he's just sticking to the bed cause it keeps you comfortable and gives him enough safe, secure place to do whatever.

💟motivation (what gets them going):

anything and everything 😭🤭 his turn ons are so random. like you could be just chilling, talking to some crew member and suddenly he has this blinding urge to fuck you and there's nothing you can do about it.

💟no (things they are completely against):

although he's down with whatever, he won't do the classic stuff like scat, age play (extreme) or anything too disgusting. i think he's also pretty apprehensive about hitting you in bed cause he knows his strength and it feels against his entire moral code to hurt a woman. especially the woman he is in love with.

💟oral (prefer giving/receiving, how skilled are they?):

luffy goes both ways. he loves when you give him oral but he is also physically obsessed with you and will spend hours on end against your aching cunt, so, he likes going by turns. he doesn't even have to fuck you for real, just having his face pressed against your core as you rut on him is enough to make him cum in his pants. but since he's so impatient, i think he just prefers 69ing for the efficiency of it lmao (and also your moans feel so delicious against his weeping cock, please don't stop).

💟risk (how risky are they):

omg risk is the very essence of who luffy is. his risks are not even calculated, he just does shit that feels right to him. so, please do not object when you are exploring abandoned streets in an unknown island with him and he pines you against the wall and whines in that soft voice of his to have you right there and then. it also doesn't help that he doesn't feel embarrassed like ever. so, if you ever get caught he's just gonna laugh it off.

💟stamina:

ooooof, his stamina is insane!! can easily go a couple of rounds without feeling much fatigue. but he gets distracted easily, so fuck him before he gets too hungry to keep going lmao as for how long can he go for? i don't think he can hold off his orgasms for long, so, he cums fairly fast but he can push through it and keep going for a good while.

💟toys:

luffy didn't personally know much about toys till one night the boys got drunk and sanji asked them if any one of them owned a pocket pussy. he might have bought one the next time the landed on shore and well, he isn't afraid to admit that it's a handy little tool. but he doesn't know any more about toys than that. and he only got to know more once you started dating him and told him about it. he's not insecure to use toys during sex because he knows what he brings to the table. but he would pout if you fuck yourself with a toy instead of just asking him to give you some sweet sweet relief, so just dont do that mkay?

💟unfair (how much do they tease):

holy fucking shit this man LIVES to tease you. skimming touches, feathery kisses, endlessly toying with your cunt. he does it all. but do NOT tease him cause he can't stand it so, he would either lose patience and fuck you his way or he will get so overwhelmed that he would start whining and crying, begging you to ease up on him. both are good options tho 👍🏼

💟volume (are they vocal during it):

YES!! luffy is super vocal in bed. you make him feel great and he's not too shy to show it. i mean who tf will judge the would be king of the pirates?? he also adores your moans and whimpers too because all he wants is his pretty girl to feel good, obviously. (also when you tell him how good he's fucking you, that puts him over the edge because i just know he has a praise kink)

💟wild card (random headcanon):

luffy gets fucked out so easily. like literally, even if you have just been making out for like 5 mins then also his shirt will be halfway open, eyelids droopy, lips swollen, cheeks red, the whole sha-bam. so even if you both did nothing more than some pg-13 makeout, the entire crew will think you just fucked his brains out. evidence: 7th of august, 8:53 pm "ew." nami makes a face of disgust, "can you not do it before dinner? you're both nasty doin' it right before you see us." "we didn't do anything!!" you defend yourself before nudging luffy, "right luffy?" but he's in a daze, too blissful to say anything but: "uh yeahhh" ussop is holding sanji by the shirt like a rabid dog when zoro walks in. his eyes are lidden with sleep. he gives you and luffy a look before saying, "don't fuck before dinner, that's nasty." "we didN'T FUCK-"

💟x-ray (whats going on under those pants):

look he's the rubber man??? does it matter??? but no, i think he has a pretty decent size like im thinking 6" but definitely a bit more thinner. he also has a slight curve to it.

💟yearning (how high is there sex drive):

VERY HIGH. very fucking high. he's like an animal in heat or something except its all year long.

💟zzz (how quickly do they fall asleep afterwards):

he's passed out before you can say "that was so good" he's asleep and you should sleep too, you can compliment him when he wakes you up in the middle of the night for something or the other. go sleep. seriously. i see you reading smut on your screen. go sleep.

a/n: thinking i might make a sfw list too lol. if i do, ill add the link here! thankyouu to anyone who reads the stuff i write lol, you're the coolest

[mothmans-side-ho]

Armand called Lestat a clown in the most round about way

s2e3 hot wired the two passions in my brain into this info dump, however seeing as a central theme of this episode (and the season) is power, status, and their subversions, it seems relevant. for context, I have 2 degrees in theatre, specifically theatre history and how trends effect form. (I am in no way an expert though, and this is very simplified). long story short, I'm relishing in being a big ol nerd about this entire season

FINALLY, we got to see Lestat (a version of) strutting his stuff on stage in a scene with peak commedia dell'arte shenanigans. Commedia dell'arte is/was an originally Italian form of theatre which was defined by lazzi (comedic bits), improv, and stock characters. these stock characters have been around from Roman times and are still super familiar to us today - the young lovers, the pervy old rich man, the soldier with bravado, etc. It's been seen as a somewhat formulaic form of theatre which relied on quickly identifiable characters and situations so audiences can sit back and enjoy the butt jokes and servant beatings.

In the book - specifically The Vampire Lestat - our beloved Lestat RELISHES in playing a character called Lelio, one of the young lovers. It is in playing Lelio that he "found a tongue for verses and wit [he]'d never had in life" (TVL pg 31). It is in playing Lelio that Lestat first gets a taste of the person he can become, and it is in Lelio that we see the first glimpses of the Lestat which so fully seduces Louis. In short, Lestat casts himself as the suave and handsome romantic protagonist, here to sweep people off their feet. The young lovers are also notably some of the only roles portrayed without masks, to emphasize their youth and natural beauty.

SO IMAGINE MY SURPRISE WHEN LESTAT SHOWS UP IN S2E3 DRESSED LIKE THIS:

He has a half mask! He's wearing all sorts of colors! He's clearly acting as a go between between two other characters who seem to be of a higher status than him! As I said before, commedia dell'arte can be very formulaic (especially by the late 1700s when it is being codified away from being improv focused to being cemented into scripts). From all of these visual and characterization clues, Lestat is not playing Lelio the young lover, he's playing a Harlequin! And his costume seems to be heavily based off of this Harlequin (Arlecchino, Arlecino, etc.) which is literally the wikipedia image of a Harlequin.

(note, if you give a fuck, this image is depicting an Arlechino from 1671, roughly 125 years before Lestat on stage. in my mind, this accounts for the changes in silhouette, styling, why Lestat doesn't wear the mask for the entirety of the performance, etc. Also, just while we're talking about costuming, I believe the late 18th Century was still a time in which actors would have been expected to provide their own costumes, which would explain why Lestat's version is made with expensive fabrics and includes cunty little details like the bow in his hair. At the very least, I can see him making looking good a priority as the owner of the theater and as...well...Lestat.)

Okay, okay, okay. Why does this matter?

Harlequins are not characters of any social status. They're servants who are quick witted enough to get into antics but stupid enough to be commanded by animalistic instincts (lust, food, you name it). The Harlequin being beaten by their master was ENORMOUSLY funny, and is the origin of the term "slapstick comedy". They a memorable iteration of clown.

In this scene, which I'm willing to bet was inspired by (if not outright) Carlo Goldoni's A Servant of Two Masters, Lestat plays a servant who interacts with two characters. One appears to be a young woman in a breeches part - another common trope of commedia performance. The other appears to be the young male lover! We see Lestat prancing between the two, seemingly facilitating some romance plot, being paid for his compliance, and doing a good ol fashioned butt lazzi. (Could he be presenting his ass for beating? Maybe.)

So why is Lestat not the young valiant lover, but instead A LITERAL CLOWN? Three potential, not conflicting, reasons. By the time Lestat is performing (mid to late 1790s, based off Armand's earlier comment about Robespierre's 1794 execution), the Harlequin characters were the most sought after roles! At this time, we are seeing the emergence of "Celebrity Culture" where audiences sought out actors for their off-stage personalities as much as their on-stage ones. This is an extremely fitting position for Lestat to fall into. Yay a semblance of historical accuracy!

Secondly, Lestat's ENTIRE ROLE in season two is to come between this season's new pair of young(ish) lovers: Louis & Armand. Lestat's function is to repeatedly detract and distract from their relationship through Dreamstat's antics (appearing at the piano calling Louis a whore, having Louis re-kill him, etc.). Additionally, simply put, Lestat (and Sam Reid as Lestat) is a lot of fun to watch. He is absolutely a stand out (if not THE stand out) of the show! His constant ability to serve cunt is often what your eye is drawn to, he pulls focus to himself, and often undercuts the more subdued, philosophical, and morose nature of others. Both on-stage and on-screen, Lestat continuously upstages his screen partners. He does kinda function as a Harlequin. But in the end, the Harlequin's antics are also what ultimately drive the young lovers together. If not for Lestat's actions, Louis and Armand would have never met nor bonded over knowing this fucked up brat prince.

But we also have to remember! This portion of the episode is presented by Armand the mind fuckery master. It is absolutely in his best interests to paint Lestat as some sort of ridiculous, lesser being driven by animalistic nature. Especially if - by extension of the metaphor - this frames he and Louis as the virtuous and optimistic young lovers, striving to cling to each other in a world of chaos. I would be EXTREMELY interested to see if, when recollected by someone else, Lestat appears in a different role or characterized differently.

Again, given the celebrity culture of the time and Lestat being himself, it is entirely believable that he would appear in the Harlequin role (Truffaldino, if this is Goldoni's Servant). However, I think it's extremely telling that in Armand's iteration of the story Lestat is not the dignified, refined, and sympathetic young romantic. He is instead a literal fucking clown.

[tempting-andromeda]

I missed my boys so I’m back at headcanons

Misc headcanons

Characters: Arthur Morgan, John Marston, Dutch Van Der Linde, Charles Smith, Javier Escuella, Sean MacGuire, Lenny Sunmers, Kieran Duffy, Micah Bell, Eagle Flies

Arthur Morgan

Super awkward about gift giving but he loves giving you little trinkets from his adventures. Like a small flower or a pretty Little Rock

He’s just like “here” drops it in your hand and then stands there awkwardly

Doesn’t hide his facial expressions as well as he thinks he does.

He loves to gossip. If you tell him something juicy he acts like he doesn’t care but he’ll drop something even crazier with a smirk

Reluctantly tells you about his adventures but he just doesn’t want to brag

John Marston

Every time he asks for you to bathe with him it ends up with him getting a scrub down instead of getting headed (he doesn’t know why he expects anything else anymore)

Thinks burps are peak comedy.

He likes when you ask his opinion about things even though he’ll bullshit his way through

Like a purple or blue shirt? Hmm it’s cold so wear the blue one because blue is for cold.

Accidentally shows his buttcrack a lot. His pants just never sit on his hips right and I just…I can feel it.

Dutch Van Der Linde

He likes dates where you two go out into Saint Denis and pretend to be someone else for the night.

Likes picking out your outfits for you. He finds it romantic.

Has a thing for helping you tie or buckle your shoes

Always thinks the smallest knees is the biggest news or the other way around

Tries to dance with you in the most random of moments. Like you’re a little pissed about something and he’ll come up to you and just start swaying

Charles Smith

Cannot stand when people share food by sucking on peoples fingers. Like when people dip their finger into the cake batter and share it.

Has the most obvious side eye ever. He simply cannot hide it.

Favorite cuddling position is where you lay on top of him

He doesn’t drink much but when he does he’s a completely different person.

Will bluntly ask you a weird question like “what alcohol do you think would be your horse’s favorite”

Javier Escuella

Likes lipstick marks. Thinks it’s one of the most attractive things ever. Has a shirt where you left a lipstick stain on the collar

Says the sassiest shit under his breath 5 minutes after it’s relevant and gets pissed

Rehearses a conversation in his head before he has it

Makes you learn Spanish for “code words” but reallt he just wants to teach you Spanish

Has a habit of repeating words just for himself outside of conversations

Sean MacGuire

He thinks he’s the suavest mother fucker around. He will randomly share how he pulled you to random people

Makes the worst inside jokes he’ll never drop

Loves to spin you around randomly. He doesn’t care if you hate it.

Keeps food in his pockets (sometimes wrapped in cloth) and doesn’t see a problem with it

Thinks cringy pet names are the best like “snugglemuffin”

Lenny Summers

One of his favorite dates are leisurely strolls

He liked when you help him get dressed. Like help him with his vest

Idk why I think he has like the same idea as romance as those really happy old people

Likes when you keep him company while he’s patrolling

Loves cheek kisses! One of his favorite things ever!

Kieran Duffy

He likes to join you if you have a self care routine.

Likes to share things with you. Like some food or his clothes.

Makes the most out there “what ifs” or “would you rather” questions

Just casually knows how to do decent hairstyles because he got bored while working with the horses.

Wakes up too easily. At the smallest thing. You could twitch and he’s stirring awake

Micah Bell

Thinks it’s funny to ghost you. He always says stuff like “distance makes the heart grow fonder”

Really good at catching flies and mosquitoes

Will prompt the weirdest shit as if it’s normal just to fuck with you

Will give you the meanest compliments like “I hate inbreds…not you though” because he thinks it’s charming AND funny

Randomly gives you a good shove every now and then

Eagle flies

He absolutely loves getting a rise out of you like sometimes he does something stupid just for you to scold him

Affectionally bites. At first it was a joke but now he just casually does it. He’ll grab your hand and pressed a light bite to your wrist

Gets comfortable in the weirdest positions. Even while cuddling.

Talks about your future with him way too soon.

He thinks it’s funny to randomly “propose” to you

[ultimateplaylistmaker]

i think about tokos role in the tragedy after hopes peak is something so funny and not explored enough, like one of the big heroes, symbols of hope, just also happens to be a serial killing romance novelists with less social skills then a rabid raccoon, that's so fucking funny actually? The fucking discourse must be so funny about that, you just know people are fighting to the death over whether they can just overlook that or if she needs to be like, tried and put to death or imprisoned over her crimes?

like its so funny, thats so funny, i also like to imagine she's just, still publishing books and thats also discourse because on one hand serial killer, on the other who the fuck else is publishing quality novels in the apocalypse? I can just imagine some twitter user gets cancelled because someone saw one of toko's new books on the shelf behind their selfie, someone calls them an ultimate despair over it, the fact that toko is obviously and objectively on the side of hope is somehow lost in this fact.

PR nightmare survivor, I feel like some members of future foundation just had their fingers crossed she wouldn't be a survivor so they wouldn't have to fucking deal with that fucking nonsense. They made her a fucking intern so they can just pretend she doesn't exist, but shes so fucking bad at interacting with people along with the fact she can track togami like a bloodhound. So the fact they don't just have Togami give her a job as an official member is objectively making everything worse and more complicated.

So many issues would have been solved if they had just made her a propaganda writer or something and have Togami vaguely praise her for it, it's so funny, karmic punishment for future foundation, getting the one ultimate student they begged on their hands and knees to not get. Then when they think it can't get worse she starts openly dating the ULTIMATE HOPE'S SISTER, godbless, i love her, what the fuck, her presence alone is driving the pr team to drink.

[kanguin]

Apropos of nothing, here's my top 15 anime and whether the story would be improved if you made the main character a trans girl:

1. That Time I Got Reincarnated as a Slime - You can't transition Rimuru in a way that matters, but honestly if Rimuru did start to ID as a woman over time, that would be cool. Unlikely though considering his human form is the body of Shizu, so a fully fem form would feel pervy to Rimuru.

2. Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood - Well it'd certainly make the title funny if you made Edward into Edwina. And it'd make Ed/Winry into yuri. But honestly it'd change very little imho. Though it would be interesting to explore transition in a world where alchemy exists, but just in a different story. Might make for a fascinating post-canon fanfic?

3. Mushoku Tensei: Jobless Reincarnation - Oh god would it. The story is already focused on exploring identity and already has dysphoria when a god he talks to forces him into his pre-reincarnation body on the astral plane. Making Rudy into a polyamorous trans lesbian would literally be peak and elevate the story so much.

4. Kaguya-sama: Love is War - You know what? Yeah. I can vibe with making Miyuki Shirogane trans. It would add another layer of intrigue to the story AND make it gay. It could even be funny if Kaguya or Chica found out before Shirogane did. Wait. No. It would be hilarious if YU ISHIGAMI found out first, and just, assumed Miyuki was closeted, and not just, clueless. Yes this could add so much entertainment value.

5. Dungeon Meshi - Lord almighty get this autistic furry a choker and some estrogen, stat. I make it no secret how I feel about the Trans Touden Sisters interpretation.

6. Dandadan - Make Okarun and Jiji trans girls and make the main cast a messy polycule and sign me the FUCK up please! It would be so funny and so much fun. I NEED this version of Dandadan. It'd be even funnier considering how much is focused around Ken's junk and him being partially possessed by an old lady.

7. Overlord - NGL I'm not even sure anything would change if you made Momonga into a trans woman. She'd act the exact same, and so would everyone else. Interesting for sure, but fruitless, ultimately.

8. My Dressup Darling - Crack? Crack cocaine? Do you realize how amazing it would be to make this into a story about a gyaru girl pulling a closeted trans girl excitably out of the closet?! This would make this so much cuter than it already is, I think I'd EXPLODE.

9. How a Realist Hero Rebuilt the Kingdom - It wouldn't change much narratively, but the world could always use more stories with polyamorous trans lesbians as the protagonist.

10. The Faraway Paladin - Wouldn't change much honestly, but it would be cool. Tbh Season 2 Will looks like a stealth/closeted trans girly already.

11. Mob Psycho 100 - Again wouldn't change much but would be fun. Put Mob on estrogen and watch her transform from anxiety autism failboy to anxiety autism failgirl. And then still be the kindest person in any room.

... Okay though, on second thought, getting to see her go ???% on a transphobe would be cool as shit.

12. One Punch Man - another no change case. One Punch Woman. She has boobs now. She probably transitioned in like a day somehow.

13. My Hero Academia - I think putting Midoriya on estrogen would fix the show actually. Maybe also put the writer on estrogen just to be sure. (joke)

14. Kill la Kill - Making Ryuko Matoi a trans girl would actually be really cool, especially with her challenging establishment, with the themes of clothes being a restrictive aspect of society, and with her gay romance with Mako. I've seen so many trans girls on Tumblr with Ryuko's exact shameless, confident personality, I just know it'd be epic.

15. Cautious Hero: The Hero is Overpowered but Overly Cautious - It would change little about how Seiya acts, but realizing she's trans would definitely give Ristarte's bisexual ass a nosebleed. Though Seiya would probably be ultra mega hyper closeted behind numerous mystic barriers, so that'd be fun to explore.

[valentine-cafe]

˖⁺. ﹙ the charming vampire lieutenant. ﹚: vespasiano agresta caliari 781.𖹭

. . . run, run his kiss is a vampire grin !! 🍒 : “ a bit of shadow here, a little there. a little mind fuck to make you pull your hair”

꒰ verse ꒱ 781

꒰ species ꒱ enigma ( telepath & darkness manipulator ) / or as many say: “a vampire”

꒰ ethnicity ꒱ italian

꒰ age ꒱ 64

꒰ gender ꒱ male

꒰ face claim ref ꒱ ( one ) . ( two ) ( when I find this artist I will link istg )

꒰ mbti ꒱ enfp

꒰ alias ꒱ lieutenant agresta, lo spetro, vesp, vespi, heart eater ( youth ), shadow walker, shadow whisperer, gov’fucker ( valerio ), sniper boy ( valerio ), vampire, fangs ( pietro )

꒰ story ꒱

ready, aim - fire!

charming smiles and kind, tired eyes are what many would be surprised to find are the same keen eyes behind the scope of a sniper. lieutenant agresta himself. warm - yet married to his job and intimidating when need be.

serene, playful, teasing - all of these traits make the perfect family man. the perfect father. quite the contrast to a name he holds as shadow whisperer and lo spetro. a man who’s known to live in the shadows and strike fear into his enemies heart. a rumored “vampyre” to most - what with his attraction, devilish fangs, shadow enthralling and telepathic charm - how can anyone think otherwise?

what a contrast indeed of family and work - and yet so much conflict on which to choose.

a man of passion. a pleasantly warm aura that draws many to him and yet - he feels most alone. his heart yearns for the warmth of a lover, one ripped from him by the woman he simply cannot get out of his mind. is he not the telepath? he only wishes for something stable. finally. have something to make him whole.

whole? he’s perfectly whole. with a job he loves. protecting people, saving lives. he’d rather feel the smooth of a trigger than deal with his aching heart of wounded romance, staggering filial bonds and brotherly conflict.

alas, he tries. what else can he do? but smile, smoke his cigarette, go out there and do what he does best.

꒰ appearance ꒱

salt and pepper look: medium-short black hair with grey streaks along the sides. a side-path widow’s peak hairline.

emerald eyes that are a bit on the dull side. bordered pupils. whites of his eyes can go black when using shadow manipulation

tanned skin, has a few beauty spots along his face. along with some wrinkles ( note that enigma age a bit slower than humans.)

a bit of facial hair that is neatly kept

stands at a height of 6’9” ( 209 cm ) and has a lean athletic build

oddly sharp canines, he’s had them all of his life

dark veins can swell around his eyes using shadow manipulation

triple lobe piercings on both of his ears

dark male aesthetic in fashion, although he does quite like his turtle necks as well

sometimes wears gold rings on his fingers

navel piercing

he paints his three middle nails the colours of his kid’s birthstones: blue and a softer red

꒰ personality ꒱

a charming man with a serene attitude, quite the pleasant persona in general but mature and refined in nature

warm in general but is intimidating when he needs to be - particularly with his work

humorous but a sort of calm type of funny

effortless and a bit laid back but keeps this with a refined exterior

flirtatious when it comes down to it - he’s a bit of an indulger

kind-hearted. especially when you see him with he’s family. he’s very family orientated despite his occupation

playful at times. he might be one that enjoys teasing, but he does it a rather serene way

passionate - about those he loves and the things he does.

dutiful. his job often comes first. many often describe him as ‘married to the job’

can be easily jealous at times - something that he tries to keep at bay

despite his pleasant personality, he is tired. worn down from a broken marriage, the woes of family vs career and brotherly conflict. he’s desperately looking for something to make him feel whole while deluding himself that he is

with the above point, can be a bit melancholic when it comes to love as he's been scorned by it so much. he doesn't like the idea of being alone and instead delves head first into his work.

꒰ with a lover ꒱

he's a man scorned by love but he would be so so soft with you.

a playful lover despite being so calm around you. he will definitely poke fun and give you light teasing as a way of showing his affection. he loves making you flustered.

knows that he is a busy man in regards to his career but he tries to make every moment with you count. any time that he can get with you - he will take. whether it be taking you out and spoiling you or sitting at home and cuddling

a passionate lover in everything that he does. he wants you to remember him when he's away. he'll worship you in kisses and affection, whatever it is that you may need or want. a part of him doesn't want you to leave him because of him not doing enough.

very flirtatious. it's subtle at times - he loves when you catch on eventually. sometimes it's outright and shameless. he can switch around a lot.

very physically affectionate, he needs to have his hands on you at any chance that he can get. whether that be holding your hand, and arm around your shoulders or one around your waist.

he's an easily jealous person and he's aware of that. he tries not to let it get to him but this combined with everything he has gone through with love. . . he can be a bit possessive of you sometimes, or get easily jealous of people he thinks are overstepping with you.

enjoys late night walks and early morning talks with you. simply talking to you is one of his favourite things.

loves whenever you pull him back to bed in the morning. will definitely do the same, only - he'll roll onto you and press kisses all over your face to keep you with him.

he doesn't sketch too often because it's not a passion of his anymore and yet he'd feel the need to sketch you. your eyes, your smile, you bring out that part of him again.

princess ( not gendered !! ) treatment ALL the way

he just needs someone to love please. someone that will finally stay.

꒰ strengths ꒱

telepathy: the power to read people’s minds and breach into them/speak into them

darkness manipulation: of shadow, he can manipulate it into various apparitions/appendages and use them as attacks. along with various other tactics such as shadow walking, shadow teleportation and shadow inducement. some say that he talks to shadows as though it were a living being

sharpshooter: he is a highly trained and skilled sharpshooter

combat: having been in the special opps since he was in his 20’s, he is highly trained in combat

strategic mind: he is very strategically gifted

vampyre: many consider him to be a vampire because of his combination of shadow manipulation and telepathy - however this also bleeds into his movements and general allure - which he has learnt to use to his advantage. he can go a bit feral sometimes

꒰ weaknesses ꒱

telepathy: at times he cannot control it, something that he struggled a lot with in his past. when he gets overwhelmed, he cannot control it at all and voices will get very loud and abrupt

dual traits: he is a rare type of enigma that has two traits rather than one, this makes him a target

꒰ relationships ꒱

alessia agresta caliari: mother

valerio agresta caliari: older brother, often referred to as his twin - complicated terms

albertino agresta caliari: younger brother

pietro agresta caliari: younger brother

meructio agresta caliari: younger brother

rainel: ‘father’ - ?

pasquale agresta moretti: son

vinicio agresta moretti: son

flora agresta moretti: daughter

ilaria moretti accardi: ex wife ( they are complicated, she’s constantly pushing and pulling him - he loves her but she has complications with commitment )

alessio arias: nephew

꒰ extra ꒱

he is a lieutenant in italy’s special opps - he is a sniper typically

he is very family orientated despite his career and loves his family very much. he tries really hard to keep up with his children

he smokes cigarettes

he is a rare type of enigma that has two traits instead of one, making him a bit of a target

he sketches

he speaks italian and english

he lives in italy within the agresta caliari estate, together with his brothers, their children and his mother ( and rainel )

many think he is a vampire because of his canines, shadow manipulation and telepathy - however it is unclear