#there was this post where op said they sent someone they considered a friend a message in which they opened their heart and showed

[leatherbookmark]

(post sponsored by the enormous cloud of authorial THEY'RE SUCH BESTIES, TRUST ME, THEY LOVE EACH OTHER SO MUCH hanging over a fic that shows the characters exchanging nothing but unfunny jabs and being ultimately unhelpful to each other for The Entirety of the fic. which i assume is hilarious if you're below twenty but Alas, I Am Not)

idk how else to say this but like. presumed [thingname], in a fanfiction way, that kinda. doesn't work. a fascinating creature

[genderbinaryisforlosers]

in honour of posting chapter 4 of Stars Maligned, please enjoy this AITA post i wrote in-character for the events of the au

AITA: I told my friend he should pursue what makes him happy rather than what's expected of him?

I (3900, A) recently had a conversation with a friend of mine (4200, M) who we will call Robin. Robin is a very selfless person and it's caused him some problems in the past with giving up things he wants for other people. The main thing is he was pressured into marrying someone (we'll call her Sparrow, 3400, F) by his family. The first time I saw him after the wedding (quite a while after, the craziness with the borders recently means we didn't have a chance to meet up sooner) he seemed miserable and I was really worried about him, so when we had a private moment I told him what was on my mind. I don't see the point in staying in a marriage that makes you unhappy with someone that doesn't care about you and family's approval is not the be-all end-all, especially with how they treat him. I and several other friends have made it clear in the past that we would happily support him if he ever needed to cut them off, but he doesn't even seem willing to consider that it might be for the best.

Anyway, after I expressed my thoughts he challenged me to a duel? He said I'd wounded the honour of both himself and his wife and that if I didn't apologise he would have no choice but to engage me in combat. This seemed totally unfair to me but I really didn't want to fight him over this so I wrote an apology letter - I really put effort in, like I said I did not want to fight - but it seems like he was really set on duelling me because later that day he sent our mutual friend Raven (2700, M/A) to issue the challenge. AITA?

EDIT: You all seem to be being obtuse on purpose. I waited until we were alone to say my piece to Robin, I obviously would never say in front of his wife that he didn't love her, I don't know why you are all fixating on that.

EDIT 2: Alright yes at one point I had feelings for Robin and it didn't work out but I don't see how that's relevant. There are more reasons than infatuation to step in with someone’s love life. His family only rushed him into marriage so quickly because there was supposed to be another wedding that was called off. And since I played some small role in that (long story) I suppose felt I owed it to him in some way.

[comment: truestpinkpeony (OP)]: Okay, answering some questions since apparently you're all incapable of working from "limited information" (I told you a lot but okay).

1. No, I am not the same user who posted "WIBTA if I objected at my friend's wedding (I am the best man)?" I was not the best man. Not even a man.

2. Sparrow seems like a perfectly nice person but she and Robin have nothing in common. She also didn't choose to marry him, there was pressure from her family as well. A lot of you have assumed that I have it out for her or want her out of the picture because I'm in love with Robin (I'm not, we had feelings for each other but that's behind us) and that's not true. I'm sure there are also things she could be doing that would make her happier, I just don't know her and would obviously not comment on the life choices of someone I don't even know.

3. If I didn't apologise after the initial challenge, obviously YTA, that is not what I'm asking. I did apologise and Robin still challenged me to a duel, that is what this post is about.

4. The cancelled engagement was neither his nor mine, and I was not in love with either of the fiancées. Again, people seemed determined to read this in the worst faith way possible. Maybe the parties in question were better off not marrying each other, regardless of how hurt or petty they felt in the immediate aftermath?

5. To the person who asked if there's a history of duelling in our friendgroup, not exactly? But before Robin got engaged there was an incident where my friend (henceforth known as Cardinal, 3100, F) challenged Robin to a duel which then became a duel between Robin and Raven? IDK it's complicated but it all worked out. EDIT: That duel was nothing to do with this duel or Robin's marriage so it's not relevant. Stop asking to hear more about it.

[comment: bilberry_pie_x]: The first duel was over an aborted love confession from OP to Robin.

[comment: truestpinkpeony (OP)]: WTH. Take this comment down and DM me!

[comment: truestpinkpeony (OP)]: Since you will not stop asking about the cancelled engagement, one half of the couple in question is now happily married to somebody else and the other half passed away.

EDIT: NO I DID NOT KILL HIM. I was not even in the room yet.

EDIT 2: I will not be answering any more questions about this.

What are these acronyms?

-

WIBTA if I poisoned my best friend's crush because he (crush) challenged them (friend) to a duel.

All relevant information contained in title.

[comment: surf_n_turf]: We know that's you Cardinal lol.

[m1ckeyb3rry]

AWWW the feeling’s mutual!! Tumblr wavelength besties fr!! Also I think ive mentioned this before but my acc is so barren so even if you followed me you’d be getting a load of nothing LMFAOO contemplating if I should just straight up revamp the account and actually use it for something besides reading and talking via asks but I’m kinda lazy LOL

And FR!!! I just try to stay away from the fandoms and whatever LMAO although I’ll admit I usually see some AITA posts reposted on insta or TikTok and they’re sometimes really entertaining HAHAHA

I’m ngl I think I’m probably also the main perpetrator of the Karasu req feed LMAOOO but definitely!! I think once people see that you actually even KNOW of Karasu they usually assume you’re probably familiar with the other side characters too like eitaken hiori kaiser etc.

I just saw the color page and ego lowk cooking?? I laughed so hard though I saw one post of it and someone commented “who are these nobodies??” And op replied “THE COACHES” LMFAOOOOOOO

It’s actually insane I think we’re just a wonder of the universe between liking the same people and having manifestation powers atp…..but YESS YONA OF THE DAWN>>>> I actually loved it sm that I went and read the manga imagine my disappointment when I found out it was MONTHLY I mean no wonder why the art quality was so good but I kept losing track of when it actually came out shshshshsj no because fandom is DEAD like where’s everyone at???? Honestly yeah considering how well the manga typically does im surprised they haven’t taken the opportunity to capitalize off of it and continue animating it???? What a shame smh

LMAOOO it’s funny because I also had bllk recommended to me by a friend and at first it was really casual but then they were like you should go read so I said ok (little did I know I’d fall down the rabbit hole….tbf I should’ve seen it coming because the same friend told me to read the jjk and demon slayer manga and once I read the manga there’s no going back LMAOO)

You’ll always be the OG Karasu nation ceo and founder!! Truly no one else doing it like you do!!! Actually I’m kinda worried about his fanon version because from what I’ve seen people already throw him into the same boat as kuroo from hq and according to what I’ve seen the mischaracterization is WILD it’s like your typical fboy shithead and I’m like oh…..so yeah I can imagine it’d be something along the lines of that LMAOO and just imagine when his questionable lines get animated oh boy

Wait that’s so funny I would never have the balls to comment on a dudebro’s post LMAOO what did he say???? I’m crying at the Barou fan categorization SO TRUE THOUGH like no um I’m not talking about muscle man gym rat bench press Barou…..

LMFAOAOA STOP THE TONGUE I CANT BUT FR kaneshiro better watch out we’re coming for his job….

THE FACT THAT THE MOM CAME THJNKING IT WAS A DATE???? BRO…….omg wait that’s kind a crazy scenario though you liking his best friend but his mom still tries to set you guys up that’s wild……LMAO the parent excuse is so real though but omg that’s a struggle fr…..um I’m assuming your dinner plans are cancelled now though HAHA

-Karasu anon

HAHAHA that’s so real though omg finding a niche to use your tumblr blog for can be so difficult…for a while i just used this acct to answer asks abt my fics so i literally had like. 20 followers or smth for the LONGEST time!! it wasn’t until i started posting my writing on here that i began to use the app more and get more followers as a result 😩 if you ever do decide to revamp/do smth with your blog lmk i will jump in line to follow and reblog everything you post 🫡

reddit aita posts with minecraft parkour in the background ARE my guilty pleasure LMAOAAO i let the tiktokers/instagrammers sift through and bring me only the best of the reddit posts for my viewing pleasure so i don’t have to go through all of the shitty ones

PLSSS you started a movement fr!! although it’s funny actually your request for fwtkac was actually sent within fifteen minutes of the request for white butterfly…like no joke i stepped out of the shower (why is this the second shower mention i have made today) and was like “oh two new requests…A KARASU REQUEST 😱🤩😏⁉️” so that’s kind of funny LMAO i forget which one came first ngl i’m p sure it was the hiori one but i ended up answering you first because i reallyyyyy wanted to write for karasu and i figured the time difference wasn’t enough that it would matter who i answered first 😭 so yeah that’s a really random coincidence maybe it’s because i wrote for kaiser?? but ngl he’s pretty popular too…maybe it’s because i don’t have a character list that i’ll write for because i know a lot of my mutuals who take requests only do so for certain characters meanwhile over here it’s a free for all as long as i’m into the fandom

HELP MEEE HOW DOES ONE NOT KNOW THE COACHES 😭😭😭 ego lowkey slaying…he heard we were considering writing a fic for him and had to lock in rq 😩

we are a literal glitch in the matrix…once in a lifetime matchup fr!! but YESSS omg i never got around to reading the manga unfortunately but the show was sooo good and i just love yona as a fmc (plus shinah is the most majestic gorgeous amazing man)!! I ALWAYS WISH THEY WOULD ANIMATE IT MORE hoping for a fruits basket style return for it (not that i’ve watched fruba but i feel like everyone knows abt its random comeback HAHA) okay wait side note idk if you saw my response to that one ask but why does zantetsu look EXACTLY LIKE HAK??? HELLO??? i need itoshi bros simps to hop on zantetsu yukimiya and karasu IMMEDIATELY they are the true romance novel/anime/drama male leads of bllk forget abt rinnie!!

NOOO FREE KARASU FROM THE FBOY RED FLAG ALLEGATIONS honestly he could pull it off better than itoshi bros certain characters but come onnnm otoya and aiku are right there meanwhile karasu still remembers his crush from when he was 8 😓 leave my baby alone…i’m going to have to work overtime to clear his name (honestly though i am expecting it to happen because if fandom can make SEISHIRO NAGI of all characters into a cheater than they can do anything)

HAHAH omg pls dudebros are so funny they talk such a big game but 99% of them are simps tbh when a girl tells them to shut up they do 😭 whenever i’m feeling mischievous i comment silly things on their posts and they respond w like laughing emojis or wtvr instead of going off on me in the comments as they would normally 😪 idk if it’s because my tik tok pfp is an actual picture of me instead of a character or smth so they feel embarrassed to be mean or rude?? regardless it makes me laugh they truly are just a bunch of losers who have too much free time and are stuck in this toxic dudebro community so whenever someone from outside of their perceived circle acknowledges them online they are factory reset

LMAOOO MY POOR PARENTS ARE ALWAYS MY SCAPEGOATS meanwhile they don’t even care what i do as long as i’m safe 😭 that whole situation was wild the dude tricked me into going on a date w him by saying his whole family would be there (i kind of knew his younger sister so i figured it wouldn’t be too awk if everyone was there) and then i showed up and there was literally no one but his mother who then also left??? UM?? it was literally terrifying and YESS his best friend is the only guy i’ve ever genuinely liked but there was a whole mess over there (he had a gf the whole time we were talking and she hated me but i didn’t know she existed??) and this dude knew all abt it and how broken up i was over the whole situation and STILL said “right let me just slide in rq” 😔😔😔 i had the last laugh though because after pretending to have a boyfriend and hiding in the bathroom so he could cry to himself (i saw the tears welling up and i knew i had to give him a minute) i drove home and my family flew to spain the next day!! thankfully i did end up getting out of tn’s dinner plans but ironically we are now flying to switzerland in like a day or so…ig it’s a pattern?? anyways that’s the mira lore drop of the day FHSKDJSK i have so many crazy stories like that i think i just have a general aura of unintentional rizz around me or smth

[delusional-mishaps]

OMG OMG YESSS I have so much to say so be prepared for yet another long ask 💕 really enjoying your replies omg they are so fun RAAAAHHHH!!!Op and I might have later replies because my dog is really sick, uuhhh yea not good

I FREAKING LOVE AND HATE ANIME TERMS. Like they are so cringe but also goofy, yes he uses them. And he likes Mob Psycho 100 BECAUSE I SAID SO OKAY LEMME PROJECT!!! HE MAKES REFERENCES TO REIGEN ARTAKA WHENEVER SOMEONE BRJNGS UP A SCAMMER AND PROBABLY BRINGS UP THE SEXYMAN TOURNAMENT LIKE “Oh yeah bruh people said an alternative version of me was hotter than him,” HE WOULD BE SO PROUD OF ORIGINAL SANS UNDERTALE WINNING THAT GRRRRR!!! And the fontcest was VERY disturbing, but my friends have sent me a lot worse (if they suffer, I have too also 😭😭😭).

Could not agree more on how goofy the mtt is with grandpa nightmare. ONLY FANON THOUGH. Canon is pretty messed up actually, but I ADORE the angst with all my heart. Omg epic sans angst also… we👏need 👏MORE👏

Cram and James also had an abusive owner though? WHO COULD HURT THOSE BABIES. HOW DARE THEY TOUCH DA CHILD, I WOULD BEAT THEM UP SO FAST‼️🤬 Also how did your sona react when they realized there were two more previous lil things in their pockets? And just wanted to say how right your motto in the description is, to be cringe IS to be free! THAT’S WHAT I’VE BEEN SAYING AAAAAHHH!!! And I remember you said you fell in love with epic after you wrote a request for him? WHERE IS THAT REQUEST I NEED IT NOW TO READ PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE 🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🤲🤲🤲🤲🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

Your coworker that you were posting about seems really yucky. Honestly I have no idea what you should do, but making it very obvious that you don’t want to hang out with him and telling your boss about it would be the best steps in my opinion. Also since he has an accent that you can’t easily understand, texting might be a good communication method. Just know that it is completely okay to feel uncomfortable and that there are people here for you. I love you platonically boo boo, stay safe. And if you ever need me, just use the words epic and sans in the same post and I SHALL BE SUMMONED (I check the tag everyday lol) there should be some in depth videos about what to do when feeling uncomfortable around coworkers also, it;s a pretty common thing and I would recommend maybe checking those out. Hope everything turns out okay, take my hearts ily again friend 🩷❤️🧡💛💚🩵💙💜🤎🖤🩶🤍💖💝💘💓💗💞💕♥️❣️💟🫀🫶

-sincerely, anon? Wait I don’t really have a name I guess lol. And hahahah, YOU’LL NEVER KNOW MY TRUE IDENTITY!!! (stay safe tho I might die if anything happens to you, care about you a lot)

ANOOON ❤️❤️🫶🫶🫶🫶

OKAY!! THIS (click here) is the post that made me fall head over heels for the cringe master himself i hate him i hate him i hate him i need to make out with him *get's assassinated* (this post was the reason i ever even looked into epic i never really knew abt him before that)

ISNSONEOEJ EPIC WOULD SOOO LOVE THAT UT SANS IS CONSIDERED SEXIER THAN REIGN.. ngl i dont watch anime anymore so idk what is going on in.. anime fandom anymore.. but methinks epic would totally still act like late 2000s/early 2010s fandom.. bro would "glomp" and .. wtv idk LMFAOOO

i adoreeeee angst im actually so surprised ive yet to write any angst with epic ngl (all my personal self insert writing is.. smyt... LMFAOOAOAOAI) actually thats a lie theres a lil angst bcs (bringing up my persona's lore mwehehe) they met epic first!!! and became friends eith him b4 they met cross!!!! and he had a lil crush on them but woyld ratger die than confess so then my sona and cross get together and epic is all emo bcs unrequited love but its ok theyre a power throuple now

i had this customer earlier who had like a rlly thick scottish accent and fr some reason i was like.. nightmare wiyha thick scottish accent would be so funny. the mtt would make so much fun of him fir how he says words and when he gets angry hes like incomprehensible. idk why i thought of that but its tlly funny to think about LMAOO <333 BUT ALSO imagine how a canon mtt would be.. because the mtt is veryyyyy fanon.. like everyone would hate each other 😭

OK CRAM AND JAM!!!! ngl when my sona (who's name is jet, and i'll be calling them that fron this point instead if calling yhem 'my sona' LMFAOO) realized they had two extra bitties they kinda just.. 🧍 <- stood there like that. but its not the first time they just had bitties pop up and decide to live with them they got an ink bitty that did like the same thing BAHAHAH he just decided to move into their apartment. jet doesnt rlly mind but theyre lil trouble makers >:(

ANOOON YOU'RE LITETALLY SO SWEET.. catch me crying on my break at work rn LMFAOO yeah im gonna tell my boss to not schedule me with that coworker anymore.. but man when i told my mom abt it last night her first response was "i remember when i had a stalker :]" LADY.. first of all THATS NOT FUNNY second what is the lore you are dropping cuz whaaat (she then threatened to go speak to him and tell him to fuck off she's so slay)

DO U WANT A NAME... you can be one of my lil emoji anons i love you guys :] and it makes it easier to recognize you LMAOO

[calvin-andhobbes]

In case you're genuinely wondering, here's how I read your comments:

You oversimplified her statement, from what I would characterize as, "hype up your own art, and consider small projects you can make out of your ideas- even if you never actually make your idea into a self-sufficient piece of media(such as a book, film, or game). no one else NEEDS to understand it- if making a thousand little works brings you joy, you can be a fandom of 1."

That's "just called 'making original media'"? I mean, it is that, but only that? And do most people perceive it that way (such as the shy friend she was trying to encourage with that post)? The kicker, I think, is the second addition you made- feigning that fake posters and merch for one's ocs is of equivalent status to a classic American novel, which is where you re-contextualized the original post entirely- as though being aware that sometimes, art is merely self-indulgence, is equivalent to trivializing some of the most revered works of art. You also made her post out to be some fandom-brained idiocy- as though being aware of the cultural stigma against certain kinds of art is the same as reinforcing it.

I saw this post on my dash 3 times- first from op, then 2 times with your comments in the next 2 days, and your additions appear to be the primary reason the post started spreading as much as it did from there. In other words, because you made her post into the cringe of the day, it resonated with tons of people who read it and thought, "wow, someone's gone a little too long without touching grass if they think people being embarrassed about ' just making original media' is normal!" When in fact that was either very poor verbiage on your part, or an intentionally bad-faith reading. The tone of your comments was condescending, even if you didn't mean it to be, and the authority it lent overrode the point she was making in the minds of many people who shared it afterwards.

I was frustrated when I saw it shared with your comments the first time, because it really spoiled the message of encouragement op was attempting to make. If anyone were to click through to her blog, they would see that she has no qualms about showering her ocs with affection, and she has several forms of art dedicated to them. She IS working on an original comic, but until then, she has no hesitancy about making posts about them which usually you get from within fandoms, but not the original creator themselves. I don't expect people to verify every "clown" on the internet to be what they are publicly perceived to be, but honestly, I would expect at least that much effort from someone who was going to actively paint that person's face- especially if they were later to express surprise or confusion about people thinking they were rude.

As an example: yesterday, I too saw that comment about you being "known" for being annoying on other people's posts. I thought, eh, that tracks- lots of people don't care/know better than to act like this online. But I took a look at your blog anyways- the first 5 or so pages, I think- and I was like- "hm, this blog is pretty cool actually." I did see some comments from you, here and there, which seemed to be only tangential to the points other people were trying to communicate, but I took that as you being passionate about certain topics, such as being concerned about a way in which the OPs might be inadvertently making someone neurodivergent the butt of a joke due to communication difficulties. (That's part of the reason I am responding, btw- in case of similar issues occurring regarding the post in question here.) I also saw the anon ask someone sent to op after she turned off reblogs. They expressed that op's interpretation of your comments were out of line with your intentions. I hadn't seen anything about that when I was looking at your blog yesterday, so I went back to see what you had said that I had missed. If you had gone to her blog for a little bit before commenting on her post, instead of assuming that the way you characterized her mentality was accurate, might you have refrained from the condescending tone, at least?

You can clarify your ideas on your own blog, but that's not going to be what people share- a post is only interesting enough to blow up when you're belittling someone. That alone should prove that even if you didn't mean your addition to seem derisive(which is a little hard to believe after the "you people" remark), that's not the way nearly everyone else took it- whether they were in agreement with you, or annoyed. I don't know op btw, so I can't speak for her- but if you're still wondering why she and some of her followers took it poorly, go to her blog and find the context for yourself. Or shoot her an ask, off anon, so she can reply to you privately.

Why did. People get so upset about my post about OCs. I thought it was pretty clear I was mostly agreeing with OP and urging them to take their enthusiasm farther?? Welp lol

And apparently I'm known for being annoying? Guess I can't disagree with that

[aroaceconfessions]

I saw another confession (this one) where long story short someone had come out to their best friend as ace and their best friend forgot about it. The same has happened to me, but in my case it was not like in the linked post where OP had quickly said "I'm ace" and not brought it up again. I had explained what it means (they hadn't heard about asexuality before and didn't know it existed / was possible) and they still seem to have completely forgotten. Often they make comments that prove they have forgotten. I think they just don't consider it important. I don't think they would've forgotten if we had come out as gay or lesbian.

I just sent an ask (the one with the linked post) and I'm now thinking maybe I didn't express myself right. I don't mean to spread any negative feelings or pit ourselves against the g and l in the acronym. I think it was clear but I just want to make sure I express myself better in case it wasn't.

Coming out as gay is usually seen as you're telling the truth, and people will remember it strongly because it's still a taboo and/or a significant thing about a person. Whether it's because they believe you and support you or because they're homophobic, in the huge majority of cases they'll remember. Coming out as lesbian can be less believed by some people (more often men) who make very similar comments to those us ace people hear (we haven't found the right man, they will make us see ;) etc) but in queer circles it's generally believed, and remembered too. We aspec people are still working towards that visibility, because most people still don't know we exist. Since they think it's not important, made up, that we're afraid or that we'll grow out of it, in my experience many people don't consider it significant and can forget it way more easily than they would've with gay and lesbian people. That's all I meant to say <3

[fear-the-fairy]

I'll Be In Your Heart

So I wrote this little idea last week and it got much more traction than I thought it would so I made a little scenario out of it. Huge shout out to @locallygrowngoblin bc their tags inspired me even more.

Inspired by this post:

“I should have been there”, was all Garrus could think as he watched the explosion ripple through London. He wanted to hate Liara for dragging him away from Shepard and onto a rescue ship, but when he sees the empty look in her eyes as she watches the destruction he has to remind himself that he’s not the only one who just lost someone.

Everything happened in such a blur that Garrus didn’t even get the chance to mourn. He was celebrated as one of the heroes of both Palaven and Earth, received multiple medals and was offered multiple leadership positions. He turned them all down. When Palaven offered him a place to live, he gave the keys to his dad and sister, to spare them the trouble of rebuilding their home. That’s when he decided he didn’t want to stay on his home planet anymore.

It’s only when the surviving crew of the Normandy SR-2 comes together to honour their commander that Garrus starts feeling the gravity of what happened. When Liara put up the nameplate on the wall he could feel the heaviness in his chest. When he removed himself from the little ceremony he could feel everyone’s eyes burning in his back. Their compassion somehow making him feel worse.

He went to the only place on the ship he could think of, the Main Battery. He could’ve gone to Shepard’s quarters but didn’t want to be reminded of their last night together. Instead he thought fondly about all their conversations they’d had here. About the war, about other crew members, hell, he’d even take the awkward flirting. Garrus let out a soft chuckle as he thought about how stupid they were.

“Garrus?”

“Tali”, he turned around to face her. “How are things on Rannoch?”

“Things are going great. But that’s not what I’m here for. Are you okay?” She tilted her head a bit.

He smiled. “I’m… Okay? Part of me always assumed that I… That she would never come back from this. Of course, it actually happening hurts more than I anticipated. But… Considering the circumstances… I’d say I’m okay.”

She let him ramble for a bit and then puts her hand on his arm. “We’re here for you. Don’t be a stranger, Garrus.”

He lets her lead him back to where the others are.

When Tali said they were there for him, she had meant it. Somehow he was always around helping someone from the Normandy crew. Miranda seemed to always have jobs for him, Tali could always use help on Rannoch, Liara gave him some spy-ops work, the list just went on.

Staying busy was good for Garrus. He could never dwell too long on how cold the bed was now that she wasn’t there anymore. And time did heal. Talking about what happened was starting to get easier. After a while, he even managed to talk about how close he was with her to others, much to Joker’s delight.

So when Wrex eventually sent him a message, he wasn’t really that surprised. But when that message read “I’ve got something for you. Come to Tuchanka”, Garrus couldn’t deny his curiosity wasn’t piqued.

So he took the first flight to Tuchanka. When the sandy planet came into view, all he could think of was the last time they were here and the absolute mess they had on their hands back then.

Wrex was waiting for him at the docking point. Garrus had to dodge out of the way of a friendly headbutt when he walked out of the ship but he couldn’t help but be happy to see his old friend.

“Garrus! You’re still as stiff as the last time I saw you! You’d think being a war hero would loosen you up!” Wrex rumbled as he lead the way.

“Yeah yeah, the celebrations got a bit too boring for me.”

“So you decided to act as the janitor of the Normandy crew? Cleaning up all their dirty work?” Wrex eyed him up. His old age might be starting to show, but nothing still went past the Krogan.

“I enjoy it. Besides it’s what-“

“What Shepard did?” Wrex interrupted him.

Garrus stopped in his tracks for a second. Is that why he kept getting out of bed and going to help everyone? Because she used to? Because it made him feel closer to her? He knew he was overthinking it but he also knew Wrex was at least partially right. It annoyed him.

“Anyway, what Shepard did is Shepard’s business”, Wrex went on. “It’s time to think about what you want to do. And I’ve got just the suggestion.”

They got up to one of the Krogan camps, but it looked completely different from what it did last time he was here. The tents were set up in at least a semi-orderly fashion, there were traders from other planets around and the biggest difference, there were little Krogan waddling around.

Garrus remembered his last real conversation with Shepard. How they joked around about adopting a baby Krogan. He couldn’t help but stare at the little aliens. They were so cute? Completely unlike anything Garrus had imagined young Krogan to be like. Did he think they came out of womb as big as Wrex? No. But did his imagination provide any other possibility? Also no.

“What are we doing here Wrex?” Garrus asked.

“Well, we’ve got this rowdy little girl, her mom unfortunately didn’t make it”, Wrex started walking towards one of the tents. “And she kind of reminded me of someone, so.. I had to call you.”

He didn’t have to say it for Garrus to know. The baby Krogan reminded Wrex of Shepard. Was it the orphan part? Garrus couldn’t help but wonder how a baby Krogan could remind someone of Shepard. That was until he saw the little creature.

It was laying in a wooden crib. Her scales a reddish hue that even reminded him of Shepard’s hair. Okay, he’d give it to Wrex, he understood.

“You can grab her if you want,” Wrex said.

“But she’s sleeping… I don’t want to-“

Before he could even finish his sentence, Wrex had grabbed the little Krogan and shoved it in his arms. Obviously she wasn’t very pleased with this intrusion of her afternoon nap. She opened her eyes and started wailing at Garrus. He shot Wrex a glare.

“What? She’s yours to deal with now!” Wrex laughed.

Garrus shushed the baby as far as he knew how to. He wasn’t a dad? Why did Wrex want to do this to him? But when the Krogan in his arms calmed down, grabbed his talon and stared up at him with the exact same green eyes Shepard had, he knew exactly why. He had to fight to bite back the tears for a second. “Spirits, she looks just like-“

“You see. I couldn’t help but calling you”, Wrex voice sounded so far away to Garrus. All he could think of was the little baby Krogan cooing in his arms.

“What will you call her? I insist on her keeping the Urdnot clan name. If she wants to come back here later in life, It’ll be easier for her”, Wrex’ words made Garrus crash back to earth.

He knew what he wanted to call her but he didn’t know if he wanted to admit that to Wrex. Was it embarrassing? Probably. Did this Krogan resemble her so much it was almost scary? Yes. So that made it okay, right?

“She can have the Urdnot clan name, I don’t really care. But I want her to be called Jane,” he sounded firmer than he felt when he said the last part. Fearing for the inevitable teasing.

But it never came. Only Wrex’ soft grumble as he asked, “Was that her first name?”

“Yeah.”

“It suits her perfectly.” Garrus would never know if Wrex was talking about Shepard or the little Krogan in his arms.

He decided to take Jane to Earth with him, so they could both restart their lives there. No Palaven to suffocate him and bother him about Jane. Plus, Earth was so much more colourful anyway. He didn’t have the slightest clue on how to raise a Krogan but Wrex assured him it wasn’t really that hard and turns out he was right. As long as Jane was fed and kept busy, she was fine.

She reminded Garrus so much of her namesake it was scary. Not just the physical resemblance although he would have loved to see Shepard’s reaction to being compared to a Krogan. Little Jane was stubborn as an ox, strong and unmoving when she wanted to be and yet she treated Garrus with such kindness it melt his heart every time.

“When you grow up, I’m going to tell you all about your mom, the great Commander Jane Shepard,” he mused as he watched Jane fall asleep. And he meant it. This child was going to grow up loved, with stories from the great adventures they went on and the crewmates who didn’t make it. She’ll hear the story about how they cured the Genophage, defeated the Reapers and saved the universe countless of times. She’ll hear about EDI and about Virmire. About how he met her mom. She’ll live a life where, even though Shepard isn’t here anymore, she’ll be ever present for this child.

Shepard couldn’t really think of herself as a mom. He knows, they had talked about it countless of times. He knew the adopting Krogan was only a joke. And yet, she was going to be the best mom ever. He’d make sure of that.

[goldheartedsky]

I told myself I wasn’t going to make a post like this—that I wasn’t going to stoop to the level of making call-out posts—but I really can’t stay silent after what has happened in the last day or so.

The TOG fandom has a serious issue with excusing antisemitism and allowing people who have painfully hurt marginalized groups to continue to ignore, dismiss, and refuse to acknowledge their limits of intersectionality in regards to social justice. I have seen it myself, been on the receiving end of it, and have talked to other Jews in this fandom about what’s been going on and it needs to start being addressed.

Now, I’m not going to name names or tag people (mainly because I have been blocked by almost all of them for this very issue) but if you message me I will gladly tell you the users involved in this. Also, if you have doubts of any of this’s validity and would like screenshots, feel free to reach out to me here or via Discord and I will share them.

A lot of this started when a member of the All&More server had brought up the scientific and medical “discoveries” during the torture and medical experimentation that took place during the Third Reich and how a lot of the origin of it isn’t taught. LR made a comment saying that “we are three-dimensional creatures who are stuck moving forward in time and can’t go back” and added that not using the research won’t make past horrors not happen. When the original user added that there has been a movement in medicine for removing Nazi scientists names off discoveries and that progress was slow moving, she deflected the conversation onto herself, saying “Not using research won’t make my family not harmed by the Japanese” and then immediately pivoted into admitting that, from what she understood, there weren’t any particularly valid scientific discoveries made by them. She then said, in regards to said Nazi atrocities, “Take it, learn about it, put it in context, and then own it and transform it.”

A Jewish member of A&M voiced their discomfort about possibly taking medicine that was a direct result of the murder of their grandparents and other relatives, to which LR said, “Still stuck in the 3rd dimension, still moving forward in time.” I brought up the fact that medicine was built on antisemitism and racism and that starting over would be better than a lot of the procedures we have now. There is a longstanding issue in medicine of disregarding black pain and so much of what we have now is created by eugenicists—including Nazi scientists. There is still a lot of Jewish trauma due to medical experimentation and that is oftentimes dismissed.

LR then made a flippant comment about “Does this count as Godwin’s Law?”—which is about how all internet discussions lead to someone being compared to Nazis/Hitler. When called out on the inappropriateness of the comment, she did not respond and was backed up by one of the mods of the server. There was no apology made nor an acknowledgment about the casual antisemitism of the comments she made and the dismissal of Jewish trauma/pain.

Now, fast forward a couple months when I was contacted by a third party who had not been in the server at the time but had joined and heard about what LR had said there. H said they were friends with LR and had concerns about antisemitism and would like my perspective. I explained what had happened and offered screenshots if they would like them, which they did. They thanked me and apologized that it got to a point that I felt unsafe in the server and had to leave, which I appreciated.

A couple weeks later they reached out to me again and offered to broker a conversation between LR and myself because the situation wasn’t sitting well with them. I was skeptical (because I had been blocked at that point) and didn’t have a lot of hope that this conversation would actually take place but I felt a responsibility to try and be the bigger person and deal with what had been said head on, so I agreed to sit down and have a discussion with her as long as there was a third party in the chat as well—given our history.

After a couple weeks of back and forth with H and hearing that LR had said that she would “think about it”, she finally agreed. I was asked for a time and date and I gave my availability and was told she would be asked for the same. A couple days later, I was suddenly told LR would only be comfortable with this conversation if H acted as a “literal go-between” with us copy-pasting our responses in their DMs so we can “sit with the message and everyone can get to them when they can” rather than it being a session with an actual back and forth and was asked if I was okay with that. I honestly said no, because this was supposed to be a situation where she and I sat down and discussed what she said in the server, not a back and forth message relay where the conversation got dragged out for days or weeks or however long it was going to take. I said if she was serious about meeting me halfway on this, she needed to be able to sit down and actually talk.

H copy-pasted my response to LR and came back that she had backed out of the conversation, which part of me had expected from the beginning—even though all I wanted from this sit down was for her to understand how hurtful the antisemitic comments were and an apology.

These comments that were made in the server are not a secret. It’s pretty well known what was said and again, these were all on record, not privately made in some DM. She has still not owned up to the comments she said, nor has she ever apologized for them. She has ignored message after message about them and blocked more people than I can count. Many of the people defending her when the discourse begins have also been messaged about the comments she’s said and also either block people or ignore the messages completely and refuse to acknowledge them.

Now, this being said, in the most recent conversation about fandom racism, someone brought up the post that was made reducing users on ao3 to faceless, nameless numbers without saying who they were, what they had done, and how they were specifically contributing to the problem of racism in this fandom. They made the comparison of other situations like HR looking at pay stats to see how to fire and included “Nazis, capitalists, and colonizers.”

This is not an invalid argument. There have been other Jews in the fandom who specifically voiced feeling uncomfortable for the exact same reason. However, another person, LT, decided to specifically make a post calling the OP out and drag them for having the audacity to liken it to the Shoah (which, mind you, this person is not Jewish nor did they decide to capitalize Shoah or the Holocaust as they should have). She received a reply saying, “you’re offended by antisemitism? Here’s LR’s (someone LT has agreed with multiple times over racism in fandom) track record of antisemitic comments” which outlined everything I delved into previously.

LT said that they were “unaware of this incident until a couple days ago” but agreed that it was an upsetting display of casual dismissal of Jewish pain and hoped that LR had apologized. She was then called out for being aware of it and still continuing to reblog LR’s posts even after knowing about the comments and was linked to my post clarifying that LR had not apologized and refused a discussion about it, to which LT said that she had gotten “quite a different version outlined in the post linked and corroborated by a third party” and “felt uncomfortable” making a value judgement, insinuating that I was not being truthful about my side of the story.

I messaged LT off-anon and said that I was not lying nor over-exaggerating about what had happened in the server or about the following discussion about trying to broker a conversation with LR, and was immediately blocked by her. I am also not the only Jew who has sent her messages about this topic, only to have their messages ignored.

Now, am I surprised that I was immediately blocked after voicing my issues with what LT had said in that post? No.

She has a history of making antisemitic comments, most of which happened during the brunt of the Israel/Palestine discussion happening, which included statements such as “You cannot be considered indigenous if you hold a position of power”, that, despite having been displaced for 2,000 years, the Jewish diaspora was “integrated” into their respective communities (a wholly untrue statement), as well as linked to and promoted a website with extremely antisemitic articles including one about “Spartan Jews” and how Israeli Jews are violent to “send messages to their deprived self-esteem” that they won’t be victims again. Half of the comments on the site’s front page included such hits as “Death to all Jews” and “Wow, I had no idea this was happening—I guess it is true that Jews control the world and the mass media.” This website was repeated in multiple posts as “unbiased” and “a good resource” for other people to truly know what was going on.

Jewish dissent on the content of some posts and that website went unacknowledged and dismissed.

Being that LT is a relatively big user in the TOG fandom, her posts got circulated frequently. Seeing things like that touted as unbiased was extremely triggering for me and multiple Jews in this fandom that I’ve spoken to.

Now, the reason I made this post in particular was because I have seen a lot of echoing of the sentiment: “no matter how much you disagree with their sentiment, aligning yourself with racists is...well aligning yourself with racists.”

This statement NEEDS to become intersectional. If we are criticizing the work of people because of who they hold company with, why does that end at racism? If we are going to have a discussion about racism in this fandom, why are we letting it come from people who have openly said antisemitic things, people who have stood by them and supported them in silence, and people who have silenced Jewish voices speaking up about this issue.

These are not separate issues. This is a really good post regarding the white washing of Jews in social justice discussion and it comes full circle into the medical experimentation discussion. Jews were not seen as white during the Holocaust. The Nazis were trying to cleanse the Aryan race because they did not view Jews as white. They experimented on them because they did not view them as white and, thus, disposable.

Every Jewish diasporic community is still vulnerable. Even though the US has half the world’s Jews, over 50% of the religiously based hate crimes are consistently anti-Jewish even though Jews make up 2% of the population. Chinese Jews are still holding their holiday celebrations in secret due to government crackdowns. The attempted genocide of Beta Israel was less than 50 years ago. Across the Middle East and North Africa, Jewish communities are barely hanging on after centuries of attempted destruction. These are not just Jewish issues but racial issues as well because when people make the sweeping generalization of “Jew” and they only mean white-passing Ashkenazi Jews, it erases so much of our community.

I absolutely agree that this fandom needs to have a discussion about race and portrayal in fic and what we can do better moving forward—and I want to see that done—but we also need to acknowledge what so many people starting this discussion have said and the marginalized groups they have hurt along the way. I see these posts come across my dashboard and know exactly who they're coming from and what they think of people like me. If we are going to say, “No matter how much you disagree with their sentiment, aligning yourself with racists is aligning yourself with racists,” then we NEED to be saying, “If you are aligning yourself with antisemites, you’re aligning yourself with antisemites.”

We all need to move forward. But that means moving forward together. Jews included.

[a-dragons-journal]

Hi! I was scrolling through the otherkin tag (as one does) and saw on an ask you answered that you hated DNIs and didn’t want to go into it on that ask. So I’m curious now- why do you hate DNIs? I don’t have a DNI, and I’m not out to try and change your mind. I’ve just never seen anyone say outright that they didn’t like DNIs, so I’d really like to hear your thoughts. Thanks!

I ended up indeed going into it later, because people kept sending in asks about it, so this tag exists now, but in summary:

- I don't necessarily hate the existence of DNIs, because they can be a useful tool in certain circumstances, but I hate that they're starting to become an expectation/requirement and that it's now considered "creepy/suspicious" in a growing number of communities to not have one. It should not be an obligation to basically list your political stances, discourse opinions, and triggers - you know, things you can be attacked for/people can use to hurt you - in any circumstance, least of all on the Internet where anyone can see it.

- For that matter, putting a list of things that can hurt you in public where anyone can see it and know exactly how to target you if they want to hurt/harass you is a bad idea, whether it's a social requirement or not. Full stop. Unless you are in a relatively small group where you know the intentions of the people there (and often not even then!), it is not a good idea to tell people how to effectively hurt you on the Internet.

- I hate it when people put "[x bigoted group] DNI" at the bottom of actual discussion-type content posts (as opposed to, like, aesthetics and stuff), such as people putting "TERFs DNI" at the bottom of posts about feminism, because a) if you're worried about your post appealing to that group, maybe you should reexamine your post's content, b) I've seen firsthand more than once that those groups, TERFs especially, will purposely put "[x] DNI" at the bottom of their crypto-rhetoric posts in order to turn people's critical thinking skills off and make them more likely to accept the crypto rhetoric (foot-in-the-door tactic), and c) even if it's not intentionally malicious like the last point, it still makes it so the OP's post is suddenly immune to criticism, because "hey this comes off a little transphobic" can be met with "how dare you call me a transphobe?? I said 'TERFs DNI' right there!!1!", which, again, has to do with the whole "turning people's critical thinking skills off" problem.

- On a similar note, I hate this recent trend toward performative activism and "racists/transphobes/homophobes/etc. DNI!1!" feels like another permutation of that; I don’t like people demanding/expecting me to announce all my political opinions right out the gate. It should be my decision whether or not I want to share sensitive information about myself (and if you’re scoffing at the idea of a political opinion being “sensitive information” - if it can get you, again, harassed and attacked by a complete stranger, it’s sensitive information).

- People seem to forget that people can, will, and do lie on their DNIs and bios. Predators will lie about being "under 18” in order to make minors they’re interacting with feel safe and let their guard down. TERFs will lie about “transphobes DNI!” to ensure their crypto rhetoric spreads and gets a foot in the door of trans-supporting people’s thought processes. All “it’s to let the people affected by [bigotry] know I’m safe,” which is something I hear sometimes, really means is that the bigot in question only has to put up a DNI to make the people they’re planning to target lower their guard. There is nothing guaranteeing that someone actually believes what their DNI implies they believe. It’s an illusion of safety that just doesn’t - and, really, can’t - exist on the internet, by the internet’s nature. And people thinking they’re safer than they really are is what gets people hurt because they stopped being careful. I’m not saying people need to (or should) live in fear, but relying on DNIs is not a sustainable solution, imho.

- I hate people using DNIs/BYFs as an alternative to blocklists because it often becomes essentially them forcing other people to curate their internet experience for them, and then getting mad (or hurt) when that doesn't work out for reasons that should be obvious. Especially when you take it to the extreme of trying to regulate anyone who reblogs your posts, which I have seen sometimes - you can't seriously expect people to check the OP of every single person whose post they reblog to make sure they agree with your opinions on fandom discourse; that's untenable and it can only lead to people getting hurt. You are the only person who is - and the only person who can be - responsible for your internet experience. Curate your own space.

- as a minor point, "standard DNI criteria" is becoming a popular phrase and it's frankly a useless phrase because there's no such thing. Beyond "racists/homophobes/transphobes" there's literally no telling what a given person includes in what's "standard" - pro- or anti-ship? SFW agereg/petreg blogs? DDLG? Steven Universe fans? inclusionists or exclusionists? There is no "standard." (But then, I feel like how common that phrase is becoming says something about exactly how performative and empty the trend of DNIs is as a whole at this point in time.)

- also as a minor point, I am frankly just not a fan of how often DNIs put things like "Steven Universe fan" and "neonazi" right next to each other like they're the same level of bad. I recognize consciously that this is not the intention, but it sure does come off that way sometimes. It reminds me a bit too much of those callout posts that have six pages about the person's bad opinions on anime or whatever and only then go "oh yeah and also they sexually abused, threatened, and sent their friends to harass a minor and we have screenshot evidence of all of that. anyway here's three more pages about why their art is bad because they drew a 16-year-old in a crop top one time".

And, let me be very clear here: I do not hate people who have DNIs, nor do I want to act like they're never useful. They are, sometimes! But I do feel they're being misused and they're starting to become an expectation and that's a huge problem, for the same reason that people trying to force everyone to put their age/basic personal information in their bios is a problem - it's a safety concern. I am honestly convinced that at this point, in most circumstances, DNIs are doing more harm than good.

If you want to use a DNI, that's up to you, and it's not like I'm gonna harass people about it ('s why I started that "dni critical" tag, so people could who don't want to read this stuff could avoid it) - but I want people to at least understand the risks they're taking depending on how they go about it. If it's useful to you, then good, I'm genuinely glad! It just concerns me how it's being treated by the larger Internet right now.

(And, of course, that's all just my personal subjective opinion - take what you like, leave what you don't. You're more than welcome to disagree with me; this is not a make-or-break argument for me, just one I have strong feelings about xD)

[relaxxattack]

ayo! (wait this might be a bit of a jumpscare dishdks i apologize) i’m op of That Post and was wondering what your opinions were on the whole woobification thing? /gen

because it’s a Tiny Bit widespread within the dream apologists to sort of,, overdramatize stuff like l’manberg hurting him. like they’re not a 100% wrong but if you look at it subjectively you can see some sort of bias going into that sort of thing that makes the character’s mistreatment a bit more blatant and intentional which,, it really wasn’t? and there wasn’t That Much of it either. especially on twitter (tumblr is much better about it) people just jump to conclusions it seems and yeah. since you brought it up i was wondering if you wanted to write a bit about it from your perspective!

we’re kinda from different corners of the fandom but i still notice that once you are too attached to a character you start taking certain evidence and giving it more weight than it actually has. there’s a blurry line between “taking away a character’s humanity” and woobification and it’s extremely difficult to find a balance when said character shows pretty much nothing of his emotional life (e. g. putting up the intimidating villain act in front of only c!tommy, pretty much everything he does making rational sense with no emotional subtext) and a lot of the fandom instantly jumps to one side or the other while it’s like.

we don’t know by far enough to say “he’s traumatized” or “he isn’t traumatized” or “he was villainized and it hurt him” or “l’manberg didn’t affect him at all”

as a very analytical person people constantly jumping to conclusions grinds my gears, but that’s about it for my own view of the situation - sorry for the rambling.

in general i agree with you that both dehumanization and woobification is Bad and i really hope getting Actual Context sorts this out (e. g. him saying he was betrayed by his friends doesn’t mean it wasn’t partially his fault or that they were allowed to leave him, but it also shows that he did care about that happening. mentioning the cat doesn’t mean anything about what happened to c!tommy but it also shows that he did care about what happened to it. it’s just always interesting to get more information about the way he feels because he usually does a very good job at hiding it.) because man.

it’s like being stuck between a rock and a hard place, especially if you also are attached to the character and are expected to automatically agree with everything the people on “your side” say. it just ends up with everyone being mad and the character being mischaracterised overall.

oh wow hello! i didnt expect the op of the post to find me you’re right lol

and yes i agree! you seem to have a lot of very good thoughts tbh.

and by woobification, i mean exactly what you’ve already pointed out— the people who will say l’manberg purposely villainized dream, the people who will say wilbur faked his mental illness to manipulate dream, the people who are pretty much always talking about how badly dream was treated by people who were acting only fairly for themselves, usually.

for example people who act like dream was a perfect peacemaker before tommy showed up, or that tommy started most conflict. these are just actual lies that are told by c!dream himself to justify his abuse of tommy, and people fall for them incredibly easily because not a lot of people watched early dsmp and know that truthfully it was chaotic even then, and that dream was chaotic too. not to mention wilbur soot tried very hard to secede peacefully with l’manberg and dream jumped directly into war with no warning. and then people say he was forced into their war when, no, he started it.

theres also people who will say like, dream and sapnap for example are such good friends. i’m sure they cared for each other, but dream on multiple occasions has done horrible things to sapnap with no regard for his feelings (like leading fundy to sapnaps pets during the petwar, leading tommy to sapnaps pets during the other petwar and encouraging him to kill them, handing mars over to tommy to use as leverage against sapnap, etc). george he’s been less awful too but he certainly spoke over him and ignored his feelings enough that george felt hurt. he had places in his hall of attachments for beckerson and mars. george and sapnap were right to walk away from being treated like that.

there’s also what you just said here — “dream puts on a villain persona for tommy”— but honestly he acts like that around quite a few people (example: eret) and it’s usually when he’s revealing crucial info, which leads me and many others to believe that ‘persona’ is actually a more truthful version of him.

there’s the fact that he really isn’t safe for people to be around (or at least he wasn't before the prison) because he was planning to come up with ways to control every single person by stealing and threatening their attachments (some of which were not items but were living animals, or a real breathing person).

and then people will say dream was doing exile to enforce rules, or to keep the peace— when it’s very clear in canon it was a deliberate plan to get tommy on his own and into the prison. (from the way he was framing tommy for multiple crimes, and having sam set up the prison, and kidnapping tommy instead of correctly exiling him, all at the same time).

not even going into how he wants to kill and revive people for fun or make tommy immortal.

it’s just— ignoring all these actual facts and saying “oh he misses his friends, let’s get him some friends now” reminds me of like. when people would put flower crowns on pictures of serial killers. and then, there’s hardly anyone on the server who wasn’t subject to dream’s plans, so there’s absolutely no one i would be okay with him interacting with.

just remembered about the torture thing, and wow i still hate it so much. it’s someone’s sick revenge fantasy twisted into a way to get a manipulative villain sympathy, and it’s just gross to me on every account. i do think dream is traumatized-- just not by l’manberg, which was a conflict he started on his own terms. i would think l’manberg did affect him, because he was scared of losing control.

i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again— my ideal ending for dream would be for him to be sent far away from dsmp to an island full of therapy animals and super strong therapists who have never met him before. and for him to get a shit ton of therapy until he becomes a halfway normal person. and then eventually he could get integrated into society again; but a different one with new people. (although maybe dteam + bbh + puffy can visit him, they might still like him.)

none of the people on the server (who have all been affected by dream) should be burdened with befriending him or rehabilitating him— look how that turned out with sam! sam had a personal grudge towards dream and it ended with the poor dude being tortured every day; and sam himself falling into corruption and literally cutting off his boyfriends arm. like we can all see thats fucking awful right?

no one who was affected by dream should have to deal with him ever again. and contrary to popular belief, that includes a LOT more people then just tommy. dream isn’t just tommy’s antagonist, hes almost everybody’s.

the only person on the server who might also be able to stand to help dream is techno, and that’s from sheer lack of ability to give a shit. but techno is probably THE furthest thing from a good therapist there is lol, and dream needs better then that.

this kind of just ended up being a rant about my thoughts on c!dream, so im so sorry op. especially since it was probably negative for you. i hope you’re doing very well.

i guess in the end it’s true what you said— people will highlight or ignore things based on what characters they like, and it’s especially easy to do in this fandom, where half the content doesn’t even get watched and then we become a big echo chamber of half-truths.

considering dream has hurt so many of the characters i care about, i almost can’t understand how he could be someone’s favorite or comfort character— but he is nonetheless, and it would be unfair of me to be rude about that.

essentially it just bothers me to see someone who was a perpetrator of accurately portrayed abuse and manipulation (using both those words in their actual definitions, not just as random buzzwords lol) being given the flower crown edit effect. especially since he’s hurt the characters i care about a lot.

ANYWAY all of that being said (this got LONG im so sorry op) i am so so excited to get dream’s pov, because although i disagree with his actions strongly i actually find dream’s character very interesting and cool, and watching his POV is going to insanely fun. i cannot wait to see what theories get confirmed or denied

ALSO incase it wasn’t clear this is all /nm at you! you seem lovely and smart, and neither of us can help what characters we get attached to :]

[insomniac-ships]

Hihi! I’ve seen you around and I get a really safe vibe from you so I’d like to tell you this. A bit ago I reblogged a post I agreed with from someone who I later found out had proshippers on their DNI list. I deleted when I saw it bc ofc I did. Just recently I saw the post again from a blog I adore and decided to reblog it again bc this blog was this blog and not OP so I wasn’t breaking any rules. I put in my tags just as much, that I deleted once cuz OP but I’m reblogging again cuz fuck it. Immediately I get an anon asking what’s wrong with OP, and I foolishly didn’t think it was OP who sent the anon, so I answered that listing proshippers alongside terfs, racists, etc was terminally online because what ships I like affects no one but me. I’m not allowed to reblog something I think is cool because OP doesn’t like the fact I like things? And it’s not like I was reblogging from the source this time, so it’s fair game, right?

Not ten minutes after posting, I get another ask like “so you’re a proshipper then?” and I didn’t know how to answer. Because I don’t know. But apparently it doesn’t matter because OP blocked me. I asked them why does it matter what I like? That’s like getting mad at someone for eating pizza when you only like tacos—you’re not the one eating it so why does it affect you?

They had no reading comprehension and said that they never wanted to dictate what I can/cannot consume but if I choose to consume that content to not interact bc that’s the point of a DNI list.

Except that is kind of dictating what I can/cannot consume? And anyway, that wasn’t the point of my ask—my question was why does my stance on shipping matter because they don’t know me, and I’m not following them, I’m just reblogging something from someone else. Most people will not check the source of the things they reblog (I only did so because the blog name was relevant to my interests, which doesn’t make this situation any better). They see a post they like, they reblog. They get them from people, who get them from other people, who get them from other people. I am not important. I am not important to OP, and they are not important to me. We do not know each other. So why does the possibility of this random stranger liking fictional pairs matter that much to them? I’m just minding my own business reblogging stuff.

Anyway, they regarded the proship stuff as “anon hate” and deleted it. I think they just didn’t want to admit they couldn’t come up with a legit answer because there is none. Because it requires them to admit to being dumb. And then they said if you want to have a conversation, to come off anon. Which is very funny considering they came into my inbox on anon. And then they blocked me. Before I even answered! They just decided for me so I guess I’m officially a proshipper now—where’s the sign-in sheet? /j (Don’t know how to feel about being the blockee, tbh. I’m usually the one doing the blocking so I’m kinda mad they got to it first. Before I knew it was OP. I had a whole thing written out too!) I feel confident in labeling them an anti, but I’m still trying to figure it out for sure.

Thanks for listening; hope you have a good day!

Hello lovely anon! This was absolutely not what I expected to find in my inbox first thing in the morning, but I'm happy you felt I was a safe person to talk to! I'm gonna have to answer this in chunks so my brain doesn't explode, so bear with me! ♡

Yeah, DNI boundaries do indeed extend to reblogs of reblogs of reblogs etc., which can get a little ridiculous when a post gets big enough. It's just the way of Tumblr. Once a post is in circulation outside of your immediate friend group, there's no real way to control who does and doesn't interact with it. And trying to police every single individual interaction on every single post you make is just a recipe for mental exhaustion. The best thing OP could've done is just block and carry on with their day. (Though most anti types are entirely unwilling to do that.)

Oof. I'm gonna be honest, I have a personal issue with people that try to stir up drama about themselves by coming into a person's inbox on anon and pretending to be someone else. Starting shit under the guise of curiosity is childish at best and manipulative at worst. For the most part, all anyone has to do is send an ask off anon and (at least somewhat nicely,) ask for the reblog of their post to be deleted. Proshippers that are genuinely decent people will usually just apologize and delete the post without causing a scene. (However, if you come screaming into someone's inbox throwing a shitfit, calling people names, threatening them, and making baseless accusations toward them, they probably won't respond so kindly.)

Yeah... the "I'm not trying to dictate what content you can like, but if you like content I'm personally grossed out by, you're horrible, awful, subhuman scum and I hate you forever" take is... well, it sure is an opinion. Just say you're a control freak and go.

(And like, there's nothing wrong with not liking certain ships or dynamics. That's totally fine! To each their own! It's the harassment part that's fucked up. You can curate your online experience and maintain your boundaries without being a nasty little gremlin to compete strangers.)

I'm not surprised that someone would take valid, genuine questions that they apparently didn't have a good answer to as "hate mail". Honestly reminds me of hyper-religious folks who treat any doubt or questioning of the faith/church as some deeply personal attack so they don't have to think critically about things for more than 5 seconds or admit any fault. (I grew up Catholic and got in trouble for asking too many questions.)

Don't sweat being blocked, honestly. ♡ They're really not worth the emotional turmoil. Just block them right back and keep on doing you!

Official Proship Sign-Up Sheet coming soon! (/j)

[bytheangell]

Take Me With You

(For my @shadowhunterbingo square: Traveling | Jimon, Rated Teen, referenced alcohol but no archive warnings/other warnings) (Read on AO3) “I don’t need a bodyguard,” Simon insists. “It was one stupid letter.”

“The letter wasn’t stupid,” Jace says, already regretting his appointment to this job. “It was a death threat, by someone who’s sent multiple things to your unlisted apartment.”

“Well, no one knows where I live on the road, which is where I’ll be for the next three months,” Simon points out.

“Oh, yes, the total inability to track you from a list of cities you’re going to and the dates and times you’ll be there. You’re right, no one will ever find you that way,” Jace says, his tone dripping with sarcasm and more than a little condescending. Simon isn’t a no-name, but he isn’t famous-famous either, and Jace hoped that’d make him a little less awful to put up with than Jace’s usual high-profile assignments. So far it’s the opposite - Simon isn’t taking this seriously at all, which is somehow more frustrating than too much importance being put on minor perceived threats.

Simon sighs. “Fine.” It certainly doesn’t sound like he’s fine with it, but Jace isn’t here to argue. He’s here to do a job.

“Great,” Jace says. “You won’t even know I’m here.”

---

That ends up being a complete lie. Of course, when Jace first imagined blending into the background of Simon’s tour life he hadn’t taken into consideration the fact that Simon drove his own van, which would just be the two of them for extended periods of time.

Jace can tell that he’s putting a damper in the way Simon normally functions during his tours, mostly because he’s quiet while they drive. Then he’ll say something, start to ramble, catch himself rambling, and fall abruptly silent again in a repeating pattern.

“Sorry if I’m cramping your style,” Jace says after one of these repetitions, speaking loud enough to be heard over the music playing in the background.

“You’re not,” Simon insists.

Jace is dubious. “What would you be doing if you were alone?” Jace asks.

Simon doesn’t even hesitate before answering, “Scream-singing at the top of my lungs with the windows down. It’s like, my tried-and-true road trip routine.”

“...so do it. Don’t let me stop you,” Jace says.

“My manager hates it because he’s convinced one of these days I’ll end up losing my voice before a show. It’s probably for the best I’m not,” Simon says before falling silent again.

Jace doesn’t push it, nor does he comment when Simon starts to sing to a song that comes on about half an hour later, his voice growing louder and louder until all the windows are down and he’s shouting lyrics into the cool night air.

Jace has to fight the urge to join him. Normally he doesn’t have an issue staying focused on a job but Simon has this disarming way of making Jace want to relax around him. Somehow what he thought would be his easiest job to date continues to throw surprising complications his way.

Still, he keeps his mouth shut and enjoys Simon’s singing as they continue driving into the night.

---

Watching Simon with his fans is nerve-wracking. There’s no telling who might be a threat, not when everyone seems so down-to-earth, much like Simon himself. There aren’t any obviously obsessive fangirls and normal tells like knowing too many personal details is just the norm, with multiple people casually asking Simon about how his Bubbie Helen is doing or about the cat he left at home with Clary during his tour, or the most recent book he’s been reading and chatting about online. It’s difficult to pick out a potential stalker when everyone knows what Jace would typically consider more personal details than usual about Simon.

Jace watches these pre- and post-show encounters with a feeling more like he’s observing conversations between old friends rather than a musician and his fans, signatures and photo ops aside. Simon knows some of them by name, remembers birthdays mentioned over social media or live chats, and even recalls previous conversations. It’s impressive.

Dressed in plain clothes so he blends in with the crowd, Jace grows increasingly impressed with Simon the more time he spends with him. Plenty of people claim to be humble, but few often are in practice. Not Simon. Simon is everything he told Jace when they first met. He’s the same way with his fans that he is in private with Jace, which is the same way he is with his family and friends - Simon’s just, well, Simon, honestly and earnestly and unapologetically.

It’s refreshing. It’s also just another thing for Jace to push to the back of his mind, because he doesn’t need to like the guy - he just needs to protect him. Simon looks up from the table he’s signing CDs at and shoots Jace a beaming smile, and Jace has to actively force himself not to smile back and simply nod his head in acknowledgment instead.

“It’s an assignment, Herondale. Get your shit together,” Jace mutters to himself from the corner of the room. It’s a reminder he repeats more often over the upcoming weeks than he’s comfortable admitting.

---

“Please,” Jace begs after the first two weeks of shows. “I will pay for a better hotel. Let me pay for a better hotel.”

Simon is shaking his head in response before Jace finishes the request.

“Why?!” Jace glances critically around the room. “Do you want to get murdered in a shady motel? Just because I can keep you alive doesn’t mean we have to actively test it every night when we could have a door that doesn’t look like my 11-year-old brother could kick it in.”

“You have a brother?” Simon asks, ignoring everything else Jace said as he tosses his duffel bag (because Simon doesn’t even have a proper suitcase) onto a bed Jace feels the instinctive need to run a blacklight over.

Jace hesitates to answer because this is a job and he isn’t meant to share personal information about himself with his assignment. It’s strange because normally the people he’s tasked to protect are such self-absorbed assholes they barely spare Jace a second glance, let alone casual conversation.

He’s aware that the pause he takes after what should be a simple question is way too long when Simon frowns, brows pinching together.

“Two brothers, actually. One older, one younger, and a sister,” Jace finally decides to share. It’s all he intends on saying, not wanting to be rude and not answer at all, but when Simon brings up his own sister and keeps talking, keeps asking curious, harmless questions, Jace finds himself answering without thinking.

Simon is easy to talk to - maybe a little too easy to talk to, because the next thing they know it’s 1am and they need to be up and back on the road at 6.

“Get some sleep, Lewis,” Jace says finally, taking a few extra minutes to secure the door before doing one last perimeter sweep. When he gets back he pretends he doesn’t notice Simon, still awake, hastily close his eyes and pretend to sleep the second Jace gets back in the room.

---

After the third week, Jace insists that staying at nicer hotels is a matter of security and finally convinces Simon to pull into the parking lot of a proper hotel. One with room service instead of vending machines, plus a gym and a pool. Jace tells himself it’s a matter of security as well, and not a reaction to Simon complaining about having several nights of terrible sleep and some back and neck pain from the old, cheap mattresses.

Jace certainly doesn’t correct Simon’s assumption that this is covered in the contract when in reality Jace is fronting the extra cost himself. After all, this is as much for his own benefit as it is for Simon’s, right?

That’s what he tells himself as he opens up more around Simon as well, sharing a drink or two when Simon insists (never anything enough to impair his judgment, and only ever when they’re back in a room for the remainder of the night), telling a few more personal stories, and… flirting?

Jace isn’t sure, but occasionally when Simon impulsively runs into an ice cream shop in a new city and gets a cone for each of them, or points out a storefront display with a leather jacket he thinks Jace might like, or leans his shoulder into Jace while laughing at something sarcastic Jace says… yeah, sometimes Jace gets the feeling that Simon might actually like him.

Then Jace just as quickly tells himself that it’s just Simon being nice, because Simon is nice, and because of course Simon’s going to be on good terms with the guy he’s stuck with 24/7 for two months. Jace is working for Simon, and their relationship is strictly professional, however pleasant it may also be.

It’s that hard line Jace knows they won’t cross that allows him to continue to open up more, because Simon’s safe. He’ll never see the guy again when all of this is over.

“You’re a good person, Jace,” Simon says one night after a lengthy conversation.

“...what?” Jace isn’t expecting that.

“You know that, right?” Simon’s tone is just shy of insistent, and certainly not rhetorical.

“Why do you say that?” Jace asks instead of agreeing, because… well, because he doesn’t know that. He tries, but he’s made some shitty decisions in his past, and hurt a lot of people, intentionally or not. And Simon doesn’t even know him, so Jace really doesn’t know where this is coming from.

“Just… the way you talk about yourself sometimes. Like you always have something to prove, or make up for... or like you have to justify everything you say. Sometimes I get the feeling you don’t think very highly of yourself even when you’re acting like God’s gift to mankind,” Simon adds with more accurate insight than Jace is comfortable with.

And now Jace really doesn’t know what to do with that.

“What are you, a philosopher now?” Jace mutters, still avoiding any sort of direct commentary on Simon’s way-too-close-to-home observation. “Go to sleep, Simon. I don’t need you too tired to focus on the road tomorrow.”

Simon looks like he’s going to argue but doesn’t in the end, leaving Jace alone with his thoughts in the newly settling silence of the hotel room.

It feels surprisingly pleasant to hear those affirmations from Simon, and Jace considers for the briefest moment what it’d be like to just be friends with Simon outside of their circumstances, to have these discussions and delve deeper into both of their pasts, humoring more of Simon’s personal questions and--

--and everything he can’t let this turn into over the next few weeks. Fuck.

Maybe there’s some harm in opening up after all.

---

They’re a little over halfway through the three-month tour when Jace realizes that perhaps his harmless crush on Simon is stronger than he realized. Jace watches from his usual spot in the corner as Simon signs CDs and sells band t-shirts and poses for photos, which is what he always does. But with every flirtatious laugh and every arm Simon drapes over someone’s shoulder or wraps around someone’s waist, Jace feels the desire to pull Simon away... and it isn’t because he’s in danger. It’s because Jace is jealous.

Jace grows sullen at the realization, arms crossed in front of him as he forces himself to watch Simon with his fans, because this is his job. The more he watches the more he doesn’t even think Simon realizes he’s doing it. Jace knows what active, intentional flirting looks like, but this is just Simon being his natural charming self, and Jace isn’t sure if that makes the whole thing better or worse.

Because it starts to dawn on him with a bit more meaning now that the way Simon’s been with him is the way Simon is with everyone. Jace just gets to experience it more often than everyone else right now. That doesn’t make their conversations special. It doesn’t make Jace anything special to Simon. And hell, maybe it’s just been a while since Jace spent this much time with someone else, too. Maybe he should work on writing off his own motivations as easily as he’s writing off Simon’s because his feelings are far from professional right now.

When the crowd disperses and Jace goes to help Simon wrap up his gear and load it back into the van (something that’s become routine for them, though not strictly in Jace’s list of expected duties) Jace is quieter than usual.

“Everything alright?” Simon asks, catching the shift in mood.

“Yeah. Fine,” Jace says curtly.

Simon doesn’t look like he believes him but doesn’t press the topic as they toss the last of the equipment into the van and head out.

---

The nicer Simon is toward him, the more closed-off Jace gets. He’s quiet during dinners Simon insists on paying for, stops sharing so much about himself when they do talk, and when Simon gives Jace a guitar pick he fashioned into a necklace for him Jace pockets it with a muttered ‘thanks’ without putting it on. He doesn’t have the heart to totally push Simon away, but he can’t keep growing closer to him knowing it’s all going to end in three weeks.

Jace wears the necklace every day but he keeps it tucked underneath his shirts where Simon can’t see.

Simon eventually stops trying to talk to him entirely, and they spend more and more time in uncomfortable silences. Sometimes Simon insists he needs privacy to work on his music and Jace sits at the end of the hallway of their hotel room listening to the faded sounds of Simon’s strumming.

There are three weeks left in Jace’s assignment when he gets the call that the police managed to track the letters to a girl back in New York: she’s in custody and getting a restraining order put against her, and Jace can come back as soon as he arranges transportation.

Jace hangs up the phone feeling surprisingly upset. This is great news for Simon, and he should be happy for him if nothing else, but that means this is the last night he’ll have to spend with Simon.

The last night he’ll get to spend with Simon.

“Hey Simon, good news. I just got a call from Luke and they tracked down your mystery stalker. You’ll get all the details once you’re back home but they’re already putting the restraining order into place, so you’re good to go.”

“What? That’s amazing!” Simon grins automatically, but it falls back into a frown just as quickly. “Does that mean you…?” his words trail off in question.

“I’ll be able to leave in the morning,” Jace confirms.

“Guess you’ll be happy to get out of here,” Simon says, his smile entirely gone.

“I do miss New York,” Jace carefully avoids the answer he knows Simon’s fishing for. The lie he should give, but can’t bring himself to.

Simon looks Jace up and down, his gaze finally resting on Jace’s face for a long couple of seconds, searching for something there before turning away without another word.

---

Jace knows he shouldn’t go to the show, but he does. He hangs in the back, a real drink in hand now that he’s no longer on duty, and listens to Simon sing the songs Jace knows by heart now. Jace knows from experience standing by the side of the stage that there’s no way Simon can make out any faces where Jace currently sits back by the bar. He plans on leaving before the end, before the lights come on and Simon knows he was there.

He’s a few drinks in when he hears Simon break his usual format.

“How does everyone feel about me trying out a new song I’ve been working on?” Simon asks. The crowd claps and cheers, and Jace shifts in his seat to fully face the stage. “This is a song about feeling a connection with someone, and not knowing when things went wrong, only that they did. And wondering if maybe it was all in your head the whole time...”

Jace feels his throat tighten at those words. He doesn’t have to be a genius to piece together the lyrics Simon starts to sing, fitting them to their lives the past few months, the hope of getting to know someone you’re starting to like, the confusion of being shut out, the uncertainty of wondering if they ever felt the same way you did or if they were just humoring you.

Jace knows Simon well enough to know that this isn’t a coincidence. It can’t be.

Against his better judgment, Jace stays. He stays until the set is over and the lights come on and Simon looks out around the crowd and makes direct eye contact with him.

Because fuck it. He’s leaving in the morning, and if this is all for nothing then he’ll never see Simon again and it won’t matter. But if he’s right…

Jace hangs back, watching Simon smile and laugh and sign CDs and take photos, acutely aware of every time the musician’s eyes wander over to where Jace lingers by the bar. Outside of the fading buzz from the alcohol it almost feels normal: hanging back after the show, watching Simon and waiting for him to make his way over once the crowd disperses. Hell, even the butterflies in Jace’s stomach aren’t new.

“You’re here,” Simon says when he finally makes his way over. “I didn’t think you’d come, since… I mean…”

“I heard your new song,” Jace forces the words out before he can change his mind. “I’d say I liked it, but that seems like the wrong response from the guy who made you think you did something wrong.”

“Not everything is about you,” Simon argues, but the intent falls flat beneath the nervous tremor the words are spoken with.

“No,” Jace agrees easily. “But that song is.”

Simon hesitates, then sighs. “It is.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize for not liking me, Jace. You were doing your job, that’s-”

“No. I’m sorry I was going to leave without telling you that I like you. I thought I’d leave and you’d never see me again, that it’d be pointless to get attached. I thought you were just… being nice. Because you’re a good person.” The words spill out of Jace before he can overthink them.

“You like me,” Simon repeats incredulously. “That totally makes sense with, you know, the way you completely stopped talking to me.”

Jace can hear the anger in Simon’s voice and winces slightly. Just because it’s entirely deserved doesn’t make it easier to hear.

“I figured it’d be easier to walk away once this was all over if we weren’t as friendly.” It’s still a shitty thing to have done, and Jace wouldn’t blame Simon for holding it against him. But after hearing that song he couldn’t walk away with Simon thinking it was over anything he did wrong. No matter the cost to Jace’s pride, Simon deserves that much. “And… maybe I was a little afraid that if I got much closer I’d want to cross a line I knew I couldn’t.”

“So you felt it too?” Simon’s words and expression are full of so much hope that Jace almost panics again. What if he isn’t half the person Simon thinks he is after getting to know him in this little bubble of theirs from the past few months? What if he messes this up?

...what if he doesn’t?

“I did,” Jace finally admits. “I still do. And I know I probably ruined any chance I had before, but if I haven’t fucked things up too badly, maybe once you’re back in New York we could meet up for coffee?”

Simon smiles, brighter than the house lights that fill the small venue now.

“Or… or you could stay with me for the last few shows? I wasn’t just being nice for the sake of being nice - I like you, Jace. I changed my hotel routine for you! I wouldn’t do that for just anyone. I don’t know if you have to go back right away for work, or something, but if you don’t I definitely wouldn’t mind the company. Your company.”

Jace considers it for a few long moments, then nods. It’s fitting, he thinks, to drop the formalities and the professional distance in the same setting he started to fall for Simon in. The same setting in which Simon started to fall for him, despite Jace’s best efforts to dissuade him, only this time with no excuses to hold him back. And if Simon’s willing to give him an actual shot after everything, he’d be a fool not to take it.

“Well, I can’t very well leave you to lug all your equipment around by yourself, can I?” Jace says, smiling. “Let me check back in with the office tomorrow morning but I don’t have anything scheduled. It shouldn’t be an issue.”

There’s a pause then, the air between them filled with an almost electric buzz of anticipation. Simon takes the first step closer, bridging the gap between them. There’s no questioning what Simon’s thinking when his eyes dart down to Jace’s lips and back up to meet his gaze again before speaking.

“Can I-”

Before Simon can finish, Jace’s lips are already on his in response. It’s slow and tentative, with each of them feeling the other out, but it’s nice. It’s really nice. When they pull away after a few moments Simon can’t keep the smile off his face. “That was even better than I imagined.”

Jace quirks an eyebrow, smirking fully now. “You imagined us kissing?”

“Shut up and help me load the van.”

The familiar banter and Simon’s easy smile are such an immediate comfort for Jace that he can’t help the light laugh he gives in response. As Simon looks back at Jace it’s with an expression so soft and full of kindness that Jace knows now isn’t the same look he reserves for everyone else.

Jace knows it’s a look reserved only for him this time - and with any luck, for many more times to come.

[sid471]

An OBJECTIVE look at James Ironwood

A much needed TL;DR: Ironwood’s story is sad. But it doesn’t excuse his actions just cause we’ve known him longer.

So I’ve made it.... abundantly clear on many many posts that ever since the end of volume 7 and into volume 8, I’ve hated General James Ironwood. I’ve made SOME posts “throwing him a bone” but I usually end up still emphasizing his flaws. So... Here’s a post where I DON’T focus solely on his flaws. Here’s a look at Ironwood’s actions from his introduction in volume 2, to now. And I’ll try to be as, well, objective as possible.

So James’ first appearance is in episode 2 of Volume 2 where he talks to Ozpin and, briefly, Glynda. He clearly has some history with Glynda, maybe a romantic relationship that I personally support 😗... Well I mean not NOW but I did. So Ironwood seems to be a bit of a 3rd wheel to Oz and Glynda, Glynda dismissing him and his compliment and Oz not being PARTICULARLY happy with him and his army’s presence in Vale and after a bit of arguing, James says the infamous line, that’s even quoted in his theme track, “Do you honestly believe your children can win a war?” James bringing his army to Vale, and then later going behind Oz’s back to the Vale counsel to get permission to protect the kingdom, and also get Ozpin in the Counsel’s bad graces? He... meant well. But it was still a betrayal of Ozpin’s trust. Which is ironic considering trust is Ironwood’s whole... thing.

And it also tells us something interesting. He UNDERESTIMATES the capabilities and potential of humans. I know that may sound a bit like I’m reaching but think about it, Atlas mostly sends soldier bots to take care of Grimm attacks instead of humans. And even when he DOES send human soldiers, they rely on surprise attacks to get the job done, like the Ace Ops arresting RWBY and friends at the beginning of Volume 7. And when they DON’T have surprise attacks, Atlas’ huntsman lose. The Ace Ops lost to RWBY, they basically lost to Penny in a 1v4 fight, which Harriet admits in saying “Good work would’ve been capturing Penny.” So yeah they lost, Clover lost to Tyrian and Qrow, which I know is a different scenario but still if he were among the best of the best he would’ve either recognized the bigger threat in Tyrian, or would’ve been able to hold them both off, or, 3rd option, would’ve retreated and let Qrow and Tyrian have it out then come back to arrest them both, or the remaining one considering Qrow vs Tyrian, when we get it again, is GONNA end in a death. Fair Game bias aside, everyone blames Qrow but Clover also could’ve been smarter in his final moments. 

In fact EVERY major Atlesian we’ve seen has lost a fight at least once. Winter lost to Qrow in Volume 3, if you count that AS a fight, and Cinder in Volume 7, Ace Ops lost to RWBY and Penny, Clover, as mentioned, lost to Tyrian and Qrow, Watts lost to Ironwood, and Weiss has, notoriously, lost a lot of fights but among the first was against Banesaw, the White fang lieutenant in Volume 2, and most recently, Rhodes lost to Cinder, if you count him. Whyyyy? I’m personally of the belief that it’s because of Atlas’ over reliance on its tech, and I know I’m not the only who thinks this 😗. Atlas has the best Tech on remnant and can easily create robosoldiers or mechs to protect the pilot while also allowing the pilot to still fight. What use is training humans to fight when they have mechs and robots to do it for them? 

Phew. That was a little off topic. I’m sorry, anyway, so in volume 3, James brings Penny to Vale to participate in the Vytal festival which, speaking of trust, he didn’t tell anyone about. I understand not making it public knowledge. Soldier bots are one thing but a robot that looks like a little girl? I don’t think that woulda sat right with people. So, yeah not making it general knowledge, makes sense. But not trusting your 3 closest allies, and FRIENDS, in Oz, Glynda, and Qrow? Like Glynda said, it’s time to stop talking about trust and start showing it. That aside, things go decently well. No DIRECT signs of any conflict *looks at Cinder* and the festival goes well until the one on one finals. Yang attacking a “defenseless” student, in James’ mind, is horrible yes, but people’ll move past it, especially cause he disqualified her. But then shortly after that, Pyrrha, Ozpin’s chosen one for the Fall Maiden’s power, dismembers Penny on national TV. That is a huge blow for both the festival and him personally.

Continuing with Volume 3, while he’s calling for reinforcements, the robosoldiers that’re in his plane with him are hacked and cause him to crash land. Also a hit to him personally, HE ordered these be created and the fact that they were so easily turned against him and the people he swore to protect? Yeah... Kinda get it. Although, something else interesting in Volume 3, when he DOES rendezvous with Qrow and Glynda, Qrow immediately turns his sword into Scythe form for the first time in the show. And James’ immediate reaction? “Qrow! This wasn’t my doing!” and preparing his gun for a fight, before turning around and realizing that Qrow actually just saved him from a Griffon. This is........ interesting. Why would he assume a colleague he’s worked with for so long would suddenly be turning on him? I dunno. Just seems a little... paranoid wouldn’t ya say?

Volume 4, we see a new side of James. We see that he cares for Weiss, at least somewhat. More than Jacques, but granted a squirrel cares more about the Schneeblings than Jacques. But yeah, James has some pretty sweet moments with Weiss in volume 4, standing up for her at Jacques’ party, offering her a place at Atlas academy, he’s a pretty stand up guy to Weiss. But, big picture? This volume shows the signs of his paranoia being something serious. He completely shuts down Atlas. In his own words, “No one in. No one out. Not without the Counsel’s permission.” now, he knows about Salem. But he doesn’t know what she’s CAPABLE of, as implied by Qrow last volume. So, from James’ perspective, this DOES seem like the safest course of action. But this is exactly what Salem wants. Separation. Anxiety. Paranoia. FUEL for the Grimm. And this is the first sign of a common theme of James inadvertently playing into Salem’s hands.

Jumping to Volume 7, we don’t see him in 5 or 6 😗, James is still hella, HELLA paranoid, but he’s still happy to see Qrow and happy to have new allies. Now this is where we get a little dicey because volume 7 is a.......... divisive volume 😓. I’m gonna talk about JAMES’ perspective of events. Not necessarily my thoughts because... well... I’ve done that already lol. Many times 😓. So JAMES’ perspective on Volume 7. James sent the Ace Ops to investigate a stolen air ship and arrest the ones responsible for... ya know... stealing the air ship. So the Ace Ops do. And then they go back and take them to James’ office, and it’s the general’s old friend Qrow and his niece’s team and her friends, and a mysterious young man. We can see that James is happy to see Qrow, especially cause of the hug :3, and he’s especially happy to see Oscar, the new Ozpin. He trains Ruby and her friends with his Ace Ops, and allows Winter to help Weiss. And he DOES start to relax more. He starts to, dare I say it, let loose. He allows some lenience, he lets RWBY have the night off. Ruby going to Robyn’s celebration, Yang and Blake going on a double date with Flynt and Neon, and let’s the boys and Weiss have a movie night. He even gives RWBY and their friends their huntsman licenses. These are really great things to do :3

But where things start to crumble is after he announces that Amity is ready, which is a whole speech full of half truths, that he didn’t tell any of his allies about once again, to lure out Watts. It works, they fight, he wins, and we see THIS face.

This is a man who is completely CONTENT. He is happy in this moment. He’s arrested a man who’s always, by his own admission, been a pain in the ass, he has Clover, Qrow, and Robyn on the way back with Tyrian Callows, everything is great right now. He KNOWS that Ruby and her friends lied to him because Oscar told him, but he can sort that out with an honest conversation right? In my opinion, THIS screenshot is Ironwood’s last GOOD moment in the series. That thought process of everything is great goes to shit when he sees the Black Queen piece that Cinder left expressly to fuck with his head. And THEN he gets irrational and, once again, plays into Salem’s hands. He directly ORDERS the divide of the people. He plans to abandon Mantle, leaving them to die in the process, and he plans to completely sever Atlas from all of Remnant basically by launching it into the atmosphere to keep the Vault safe. That only ACTUALLY accomplishes one thing, being keeping the vault, which IS important. But it isn’t more important than keeping the people, ALL of the people, calm and prepared to face this threat, like he did at Beacon. He should have remained calm, like an experienced military official should, and made an announcement to all of Atlas and Mantle saying kind of what he did in Volume 3. “Grimm are all over the kingdom. You can either stay and protect your kingdom, or save yourself. No one will fault you if you leave.” 

Ironwood has a thing with fear. He doesn’t want to admit he’s afraid of Salem. As evidenced both times he’s shot someone....... interesting 😓. In the last episode of Volume 7, The Enemy of Trust, this exchange happens. Ironwood: You still think I'm afraid? Oscar: We all are. It's what we do in our fear that reveals--Ironwood: That's easy for you to say!

And then later, in the first episode of Volume 8 Divide, he shoots and kills Sleet once he says... Well... His last words “And what’s this about martial law? Have you lost your damn mind?! Are you that scared of what-- “ And notice, Ironwood shoots after Sleet goes to say “Are you that scared of what might happen?” And he IS right about one thing. It IS easy for Oscar to say “It’s what we do in our fear.” Because Oscar is child who can AFFORD to be afraid. James doesn’t have the luxury. He’s denying his fear because he’s the general. He’s James Ironwood. He can’t AFFORD to be afraid. If he’s afraid, everyone is going to be afraid. And, well, he can’t have that. That would attract the Grimm. He thinks he HAS to have a level head at all times for the sake of the kingdom. But James even generals in the military have feelings.... and sometimes need therapy to talk through some shit 😶. But... well... Maybe too late for that 😶😓.

In conclusion: James Ironwood is indeed a tragic character. A character who has taken A LOT of blows. A character who has always been paranoid. ALWAYS been ready for an attack. But even though he’s always been ready, he still wasn’t PREPARED. He wasn’t prepared for the sheer strength and AMOUNT of Salem’s forces. If he was more calm and more rational, he could have prepared better. He could have had Mantle and Atlas united against Salem, and that’s what can beat Salem, like Ruby said. James Ironwood is a tragic character, he has had it rough. But that doesn’t mean we should overlook his OBJECTIVELY horrible actions through out these last 2 volumes. Like ya know... Murder.

Phew .-. This is DEFINITELY my longest post. This better get attention I didn’t do all this for nothing >_>

[opting-for-oblivion]

A Matter of Jurisdiction

A lovely anon asked if I had anything to add regarding one of my recent tags, the gist of which was “In DMC, do you realize how much trouble Governor Swann’s letter would have caused (for the EITC) if it made it to England? Because Beckett did and he was not taking any chances.”

Because I am terrible at being succinct and because I love talking about this, I’m going to expand more generally on what I said in my tags on the post in question and approach some other questions about Lord Beckett’s authority later posed by the op of the original post. [Links to the relevant posts can be found in the replies, as Tumblr hates links.]

I will, fairly, preface this by saying that skimming Beckett’s PotC fandom Wiki does answer all of the questions regarding the EITC’s actions, and, to put the TL;DR at the beginning, that answer is often just “Lord Beckett had royal authority (and enough money) to do whatever he wanted.”

Nonetheless, if you’re curious how I’d nerd out over analyze the situation, please read on!

[A further note: I am not a historian, nor am I an expert on the alternate universe in which PotC is set. If I am, at any point, wrong, please let me know.]

While the main focus of the original PotC trilogy is the conflict between pirates (representing freedom) and the British Crown (representing, among other things, constraint, control, and exploitation), there exists within the British “side” a kind of internal conflict and this is what we see at play between Cutler Beckett and Weatherby Swann.

If you understand Beckett to be a merchant of sorts and the East India Trading Company to be just what it says on the tin -- a trading company -- then it might seem entirely out of order that Beckett invades Port Royal, crashes the governor’s daughter’s wedding, and disrespects (indeed, arrests) Swann the way he does. However, so far as legality goes, Beckett doesn’t cross as many lines as one would think (or, perhaps, the lines are not quite so clear). This is because Lord Beckett has the same royal authority that Governor Swann does and because the EITC is no mere trading company.

The EITC is a deeply politically invested entity. The Company operates with a royal charter, which means that it was granted certain rights by the monarchy. Specifically, the EITC has extensive military and administrative capabilities built into it. (I’ve even seen it referred to as part trade organization, part nation state.) When operating in the Indian Ocean and other areas outside of the jurisdiction of the British Crown, as it was originally intended to, the Company acts as an arm of British imperial power. This becomes a problem when the EITC attempts to exert said power where British Crown authority is already established, such as in the British Caribbean.

Swann is, of course, the king’s governor of Port Royal; his authority derives directly from the Crown as well. In fact, Weatherby Swann is said to be close friends with the king. However, the fact that Swann has personal ties to the aristocracy and Beckett does not doesn’t make their powers as unequal as one might think. The structures that each is part of are just about parallel.

The situation is not: Crown → Aristocracy → Merchants

But rather: Crown → Aristocracy & → EITC

While Beckett has been granted the title of lord by DMC, there is still a difference between those born into such a status and those who were not. (It’s sort of a big deal, especially for Beckett. His family had been wealthy merchants, but none of them had ever held a title.)

Because the two men have fairly equal standing in terms of pure authority, their being at odds become a tricky matter of jurisdiction. In other words, who has the right to exercise his power where? This question vexes both Swann and Beckett, and they’re both keenly aware of it from the moment they come face to face. Neither can claim absolute authority outright, but both have unique cards they can play to shift the situation in their favor.

A few scenes in DMC highlight the chess game that Swann and Beckett are playing, though I’m afraid it was never a game that Beckett intended to play fairly.

In the opening of DMC, the EITC invades Port Royal as Beckett arrives to arrest Elizabeth Swann, William Turner, and James Norrington. Some key things to understand here:

The invasion is not solely to make the arrests, but rather to establish Port Royal as the EITC’s new base. Beckett clearly has that intention (and royal approval for it) before showing up. That said, was invading the place entirely necessary? No, but it is a shock tactic. 

Some of the first things said to Lord Beckett are, by Governor Swann, “Lord or not, you have no reason and no authority to arrest this man.” and, by Elizabeth, “We are under the jurisdiction of the king’s governor of Port Royal and you will tell us what we are charged with.” The Swanns are obviously under the impression that Beckett is out of line, but he isn’t.

Regarding the arrests themselves, all of the warrants are legally valid. Elizabeth, Turner, and Norrington did, as the warrants say, conspire “to set free a man convicted of crimes against the Crown and Empire and condemned to death.” Beckett’s decision to use the prisoners rather than simply execute them is, on the other hand, entirely his own abuse of power.

Another important scene, of course, is when Governor Swann attempts to save Elizabeth by having her sent to England.

Swann’s lines in this scene very clearly show his particular type of power: that based on personal, aristocratic ties. For example, “Our name still has some standing with the king.” Even the captain he makes arrangements with is “a friend” -- the only kind of person Swann can trust given Beckett’s new authority in Port Royal. 

When Swann tells Elizabeth, “Perhaps I can ensure a fair trial for Will.” we especially see where his power ends. His authority in Port Royal, and regarding those who are not his family, is now weak. His best hope there is to enforce existing standards (i.e. a fair trial). 

The entire premise of Swann’s decision here is that he knows that he can’t contest the warrants. However, there is a possibility that he can leverage his ties with the aristocracy to get his daughter off the hook. That personal power is only certain to work in England, out of the reach of Lord Beckett’s power in the Caribbean. Swann is very smart to use his personal ties this way though anyone would have to admit that it’s not exactly legal. 

A line that was cut from the film reinforces all of the above (which is likely why it was cut): “There are still men loyal to me here, and Beckett is still wary of my ties to the Crown.” Swann, due to his position as governor and personal connections with the British aristocracy, has power that -- while not necessarily a threat -- could conceivably challenge Beckett’s actions. Lord Beckett knows this, but there isn’t anything he can do about it at this point in the film. 

Now, considering that (earlier) Swann openly discusses helping Elizabeth escape in front of one of the EITC soldiers when he visits her in prison, it’s no surprise that Beckett suspects something is amiss and sends Mercer to investigate. 

The scene in which Mercer kills Swann’s hired captain and arrests the governor is, perhaps, the most high-stakes political moment in DMC. Mercer not only catches Swann breaking the law, but he intercepts Swann’s letter to the king. When confronted, Swann knows that his gamble has gone horribly wrong.

Swann is arrested on the same grounds that his daughter was, conspiring to free a convicted criminal, which effectively strips him of his authority and, worse, puts him at Beckett’s mercy. More than that, his letter to the king is Beckett’s first real proof that Swann is a threat on a larger playing field. Before intercepting the letter, Beckett only had suspicions to go off of, and any move against someone you’re not sure is an enemy could create an enemy. With the escape attempt and the letter, Beckett has both legal and personal grounds to arrest the governor and, later, blackmail him.

While we never discover the exact contents of the letter, it’s likely that Swann wrote more than a plea for his daughter’s pardon. Elizabeth is his main concern, but it would be unlike Swann -- a man with an admirable moral center -- to not mention the way he feels about the EITC and Beckett’s conduct in Port Royal. If such a letter did reach the king, there is no way that the king could ignore it outright. There would be repercussions of some kind, and a royal inquiry into the EITC’s dealings at the very least. It’s important to remember that, while the Crown pays little attention to the EITC so long as it’s making money, the Crown very much can tell the EITC what to do if it sees fit -- which is the last thing Beckett wants. That said, I’m not certain if Swann’s letter would have meaningfully shut down the EITC in the Caribbean, and it almost certainly wouldn’t have gotten Beckett arrested. In any case, Beckett avoids the whole problem by ensuring that Swann’s concerns -- whatever they are -- never reach ears that are able to do anything. 

In the following scene, in which Elizabeth steals the letters of marque, it’s interesting to note that Beckett’s line about how “loyalty is no longer the currency of the realm” is both ironic and bold. The only reason it’s even remotely true is because Beckett makes it true. He is more than aware of the power that loyalty can have, and he goes out of his way to keep that power from being a threat. Loyalty is still very much a currency of the realm, but it isn’t of much use if there are no transactions being made (i.e. Swann’s letter never reaches the king).

A final scene in DMC that is worthy of note is that in which Lord Beckett blackmails Governor Swann.

The scene opens with Beckett saying, “There’s something to knowing the exact shape of the world and one’s place in it, don’t you agree?” This is, obviously, a thinly veiled threat -- a reminder to take note of one’s place in the current situation.

Beckett effectively threatens Elizabeth, who is currently a criminal among criminals and being hunted as such, and uses Swann’s concern for his daughter to force the governor to work for the EITC. 

Even here, we explicitly see the jurisdiction matter playing out. When Swann asks what Beckett wants in exchange for Elizabeth’s safety, Beckett is more than clear: “Your authority as governor, your influence in London, and your loyalty to the East India Trading Company.” Beckett uses this opportunity to appropriate the governor’s power. While Beckett now technically has the highest authority in Port Royal, he nonetheless ensures that his only possible competitor is working for him, bolstering his power rather than being able to challenge it. Like we see in every case, Beckett will not kill someone that can be more useful to him alive. 

We can also revisit the conflict between Beckett and Swann in the terms Beckett uses: currency versus loyalty. Again, the irony is immaculate. While Beckett’s every move is made on the premise that currency is more valuable than loyalty, he himself values loyalty enough to buy it -- the very thing he says Swann “hoped never to sell.”

If you’ve reached the end of this post, dear reader, I commend you. That said, there are a few caveats to consider. Namely, much of Beckett’s PotC Wiki seems to imply that he had the king’s support and, no conniving required, would have been able to exercise authority over Governor Swann. In that case, things like Swann’s letter are less important (beyond the matter of Elizabeth’s safety, of course). I’m assuming that much of what “actually” happened rests on the details of the EITC’s expansion into the Caribbean -- which Disney handwaved in the films for the most part and only later expanded on (somewhat) in things like the novelizations, which I have not yet read.

[badfey]

is there anything u wish u had known pre-top surgery? I’m trying to schedule mine next yr and I’m worried I rushed into picking my surgeon even tho I looked at a Lot. I’ve got a list of questions to ask but curious if there’s anything you can think of! Thanks, if u get a chance to reply 🥺

firstly congrats and good luck with your top surgery, i hope the wait goes quickly!!

There were a lot of things i wasn’t expecting about top surgery - not necessarily that i wish i’d known in advance, just that i didn’t anticipate. I wrote a document of them not long after surgery which ill post soon and link back to here :) right now ill go through the main stuff i wish i had known, and any questions i had (under a cut because it got long)

Stuff I Wish I’d Known

Some of this depends on how your surgeon does things. I had 6 days before my post-op appointment w chest reveal. 

That first week is tough. Ymmv, but for me it was really hard. I knew that post-op depression was a thing, i didn’t realise what it would feel like. For me it was a lot of being tired and not being able to sleep because of not being able to get comfortable (having to sleep elevated for a few days & pain), so getting more tired and bored but too fatigued to do anything in that classic frustrating cycle. Once i slept decently for the first time i felt human again (nytol is a lifesaver). It’s also tough bc ur sweaty n uncomfortable and u haven’t showered or taken off the post-op binder for a week, and with the dressings and swelling it doesn’t feel like its really happened yet? After chest reveal thats a lot easier

Sometimes moving around you’ll feel something like pull or pop and you get so so paranoid about pulling a stitch i seriously thought id pulled a stitch but its usually like the dressings adhesion or something, you don’t need to freak out. My best friend here was this uk trans fb group because i could search and find years of posts with ppl having the same problems, or ask and ppl would give advice and calm me down, so it’s good to join a community like that ready for if you inevitably get stressed about something (also good for post-op boredom)

You cant use your arms to move. Sounds obvious but like i never realised how much i reflexively rely on using arms to move sitting positions on a bed, and how you need to pay attention to override that impulse. 

Peeing after anesthetic is weirdly hard. It really helps if you practise consciously releasing the specific muscles to pee beforehand 

I was so hungry. I got fed sure (great food too) but i wish i had taken snacks. 

Questions to ask

Im gonna list some stuff that you may already know/have on your list but it might help fill any gaps :) 

When are your post-ops? Are they included in the surgery price? Mine were at 6 days (chest reveal) and 8 weeks (normally 6 weeks but my surgeon was on holiday lol) and both included in the price of surgery (which is standard for here i think). Its good to have rough timeframes in advance so you can plan around it.

Ask about revisions - are they included in the price, what is the timeframe you can get revisions for, how you would start the revision process if you need it? Hopefully you won’t need it but its important to know just in case & so you don’t need to worry about it. I think my surgeon got a bit touchy when I brought up revisions but i was just clear that if I’m getting this surgery and paying a lot of money for it i need to know this stuff in advance which as a professional he should be fine with.

Can you have a say in scar shape and/or nipple size? Usually you can, and this is often at the pre-op when they draw all over your chest before surgery. Don’t feel like you can't weigh in - this is your chest. Also even at consultation they might be able to give you an idea of what your scar/s will look like. 

If you’re getting nipple grafts, ask about their graft success rate!! I was super stressed about my nipples falling off, but my surgeon said that even though stats say about 10% of nipple grafts r unsuccessful, in practise he sees a much smaller percentage than that, and even ones that do reject often grow back (lmk if u wanna know more what i mean) or can just be easily touched up with tattooing. Also if theres anything they recommend for graft success.

Does your surgeon recommend using arnica? Arnica is a homeopathic remedy for bruising, swelling, and wound healing. There’s differing views on whether it actually works, but in my case i took arnica tablets 1 week before and 2 weeks post-op and i think it really helped. They also tasted nice. Some people use arnica gel to aid healing once you can start massaging. 

Where will you be for overnight recovery? Will you be on a ward or in a room? Do you have access to a TV? Do you have access to a plug socket or charging point? Do you get wifi? Chances are you’ll be bored at some point over the time you’re in there, especially if you struggle sleeping. It’s good to know whats available in advance so you can come with things to keep you entertained. 

Does your surgeon use drains? You probably already know/have an idea of this bc its something a lot of ppl consider when choosing surgeons, buts its good to know if you don’t. Also, it can change - I chose my surgeon partially because he only uses overnight drains so you don’t have to deal with them in recovery. When i was there i found out he has stopped using drains altogether for smaller guys so i never actually had them (pleasant surprise). 

Does your surgeon want you to wear a post-op binder? Do they supply the binder? Post-op binders r a good idea they stop swelling soo much, so even if your surgeon doesn’t recommend it i’d definitely ask if it’d be safe for you to wear one. You can't wear regular binders. If you’re sourcing your own, again trans groups r great bc they can give local recs and lots of people sell/pass on their old ones. I am happy to give anyone recs, but they’re all uk based. 

How will you communicate with nurses post-op? Most people don’t live too near their top surgeon, so you’ll probably check-up remotely. I just sent nurses emails of my nips and incisions and anything i was worried about the healing of and they’d let me know if it looked okay. 

If you have any conditions/disabilities/illnesses, ask if they’ve ever operated on someone with them/similar before. I have fibro + hypermobility and tbh it was reassuring to hear him talk about experiences other patients with chronic pain had had before and how they coped.

Okay sorry that was really long, but its pretty much everything i could think of question wise! I hope it helps! Let me know if there’s any other questions you have at all :)

[iamtrebleclefstories]

I Believe in Second Chances - Part 4

Alex dies while on his way to stop Jo from reading the letter he sent. Somehow, he gets a second chance

If you haven’t read part 3 yet, you can find it here

—Part 4—

He woke up in an on-call room of all places. A part of him thought that the most recent occurrences had to have been a dream, but when he looked around and saw that he was wearing navy blue scrubs and recognized the all too familiar mattresses, he knew that it was most definitely real. Confused, Alex rubbed a hand over his face and groaned at the dull headache and extreme feelings of soreness all over his body that appeared almost immediately after he woke up.

He figured it must have been a result of his injuries from the crash… the crash that had effectively killed Izzie. Izzie. Wherever he was--better yet, whenever he was, somewhere out there Izzie Stevens had just died. He made a mental note to find out about that, to see how much had changed and if his kids made it to this alternate timeline or not.

As he got up, Alex noticed something quite significant. His wedding band was absent from his finger. Okay, that was a clue. So he wasn’t married, yet. He and Jo hadn’t gotten married yet. With about two and half years of marriage under their belt, that gave Alex some more clear parameters as to where in the timeline he’d been deposited.

As he was stretching his stiff frame, he looked down and felt a buzzing in his pocket. He reached in to find his old white pager going off, calling him to respond to a trauma in the pit. This wasn’t right. Alex hadn’t used a real pager in years. They’d stopped using the white pagers sometime after he got fired by Lebackes. The last time he’d used one, Cristina was still here.

Alex scrunched his face in confusion, trying to figure out when the hell he’d woken up. That would have to wait until later, though. The persistent buzzing of his pager was calling him to go attend to a peds trauma. Sighing, Alex straightened his clothes and ran out into the hallway. Halfway through his sprint towards the ER, Alex noticed something. The hospital logo was different. He hadn’t seen that logo in close to a decade.

Seattle Grace Mercy West Hospital

Crap. He’d woken up a lot earlier than he thought. If he was right, it had to be 2012. That meant that Eli and Alexis didn’t exist and would never exist in this new timeline. And if it was 2012, that definitely meant that he and Jo were not together yet. They didn’t even really become friends until after Bailey’s Christmas themed wedding that same year.

As he finally made it down to the pit, he had to stop the look of surprise on his face when he saw Callie and Shane Ross running out to the ambulance bay. Alex reached out for one of the trauma gowns when he bumped into someone.

Not paying attention to anything but the onslaught of thoughts running through his mind he sighed, “You mind?”

“Sorry.”

He felt paralyzed. The sound of her voice made his heart speed up a little. He knew now, exactly what day it was. How could he really forget? This may have been the most important day of his entire life. Because if it weren’t for this day, he wouldn’t have been the man he is today.

Alex kept walking to the ambulance bay, noticing that she was trailing him. He thought back to the day and tried to keep what he said as close to what he’d originally told her, “Why are you following me?”

“I’m your intern for the day.”

“Hello intern. You have a name?”

“Jo Wilson.”

“Nice. I like chicks with boys' names,” Alex glanced at her and felt all the breath escape his lungs. Again. Sure, the feelings of love and coming home weren’t as intense the first time he saw, but even in his previous life, Alex knew Jo was different. She wasn’t just pretty.She wasn’t just beautiful. She was all those things and more—a fact he’d been convinced of from the moment she opened her eyes.

“Karev.” Callie interjected, pulling him out of his thoughts.

Smirking lightly at the comments he knew we’re coming, Alex looked up at Callie, “What? I do. It’s hot.”

Callie rolled her eyes, “Stop sleeping with your coworkers. It ruins them.”

“I slept with you,” Alex quipped.

“And now I longer sleep with men,” Callie raised her hands and widened her eyes in mock surprise.

Alex chuckled lightly. He turned his attention back to Jo—who looked amused by the entire scene. It felt surreal being here, reliving the life he’d already lived once. The only bright side to it all was that he could redo it, he could fix it so that he and Jo become friends quicker, so that Jo never dated Chest Peckwell, so he could get her to confide in him about her past and Paul, so that they’d never break up, he’d never almost go to jail, so he’d get the chance to marry Jo all over again and stay true to his vows.

He thought about this and all the ways he could change his life with Jo for the better. All the ways he could clean up the messes he’d created before they happened. He figured the first thing he could do was change the way he treated her from the beginning. That wouldn’t be very difficult, considering he practically worshipped the ground she walked on.

Alex knew the first thing he’d change as soon as he’d heard Jo’s excitement over the young patient’s foot that they were about to salvage. As they loaded onto the elevator, Alex turned to Jo and graced her with what he knew to be one of her favorite crooked smiles, “You coming?”

Alex heard as Jo’s breath hitched in the back of her throat. He did his best to keep the smug grin off her face, but he was glad that even though she didn’t know him, he could still have this effect on her. Jo had told him once that if it weren’t for his douche-bag attitude, she probably would’ve fallen for him a lot sooner. Even before they were truly friends, Jo had been attracted to him. It wasn’t until later, though, when he started to win her over with his charms and genuine care that she allowed herself to fall for him.

Jo’s eyebrows shot up and a bright grin spread along her face, “Yes! Thank you.”

So unlike the first time around, Jo scrubbed in on this surgery. He took this opportunity to test the waters and show her that he was different from the persona people had labeled him with. He taught and allowed Jo to assist, and he did his best to bring up things he knew about her to make conversation. About halfway through however, one of the nurses answered a page he received, “Dr. Karev, one of your post-op patients needs a drain removed.”

Alex looked over at Jo with apologetic eyes, “Can you go take care of that for me and round on my pre and post ops? You can scrub back in when you’re done. We’re going to be here for a couple more hours.”

“Yeah, of course,” Jo nodded and stepped away from the patient, walking out of the OR.

It was quiet for a few minutes before Callie spoke, “What the hell is going on with you?”

“Huh?”

“You’re being all nice and charming and interested and weird. It’s starting to freak me out,” Callie replied. “I felt like I was third wheeling on the world’s weirdest first date.”

“Whatever,” Alex rolled his eyes and continued to work. Honestly, it was nice to work with Callie again. For him, it had been years since they’d even been in the same room. He almost forgot how observant she was. “I can’t be nice?”

“You, nice? Ha,” Callie chuckled. “Alex Karev, I have never known you to be nice to anyone but your patients. The last time you were nice to a woman, you married her.”

Alex looked down and did his best to keep his focus on the patient. What Callie was saying was true. Up until that point, he hadn’t been the nicest person on the planet. Still wasn’t, but if it weren’t for Jo, he’d probably still be Evil Spawn. He bit back a laugh as he thought about the whiplash he’d be giving his friends when they saw the change in his behavior.

“You like her,” Callie gasped suddenly. “You like her, like her. And not just for sex like her. I thought I was going crazy when I first felt the vibes, but no. This is a ‘love at first sight, I feel like I’ve known you all my life’ connection.”

“Dude, shut up. Keep your voice down,” Alex shushed as he looked around the room at the nosy nurses and OR staff. He saw Shane’s face twitch in amusement. “Is it so crazy that I might be interested in a woman?”

“No, it’s not,” Shane replied.

“Thank you,” Alex turned back to his work. “Suction.”

“You being interested in a woman is not crazy,” Callie continued the repair she was doing. “What’s crazy is that you are legitimately interested in this woman, who you don’t even know, who you haven’t slept with, and just so happens to be in the same class as all of those interns you screwed over the past few months.”

Damn it. He’d forgotten about that. Before he and Jo had even met, he’d already screwed all of her friends. That’s why she thought he was an ass at first, and that’s why it was going to take him a whole lot longer to win over her trust than he anticipated.

“Yeah, yeah, I know I’m an ass who sleeps around and doesn’t call back. I know that’s what you’re used to, but i don’t know… this feels different. So, you guys are gonna keep your mouths shut and let me figure out what the hell is going on in my brain. Not a word of this to anyone, okay?” Alex raised an eyebrow.

“Okay,” Callie conceded and Shane nodded in compliance and kept silent as he continued to assist.

By the time Jo returned to the OR, the conversation had been tabled for another time. Instead, any time Alex and Jo would converse, Callie would send him a look from across the table, occasionally wiggling her eyebrows.

When they finally finished, Alex waited behind for Jo to scrub out. He wanted to talk to her. He wanted to kiss her and say he loved her, but at this point, that would only freak her out. So instead, Alex decided to go the easy route and compliment her surgical skills.

“You did great in there, Wilson. You’ve got the potential to become a wonderful surgeon,” Alex complimented.

Jo paused her scrubbing to look at him strangely, “Thanks…”

“Since you’re on my service all week, I was thinking you could scrub in with me on my surgeries,” Alex offered.

“I’d like that,” Jo smiled shyly. She shut off the water and dried her hands. “You know, you’re not as bad as everyone says you are.”

“Thanks?” Alex laughed.

He looked into Jo’s eyes only to find a glint of what he hoped would develop into love swimming beneath the surface. God, he could stare into those golden eyes forever. It may have been one of his favorite things about her. So often, they’d been able to just look at each other and know what was going through the other’s head. They could have a conversation without any words.

This felt right. Eyes locked, no one daring to break the stare. It wasn’t awkward or uncomfortable, despite the fact that in Jo’s mind, they had just met. No… this was right. This was home. This was exactly where he’d always belonged. Now that he had his second chance, he sure as hell wasn’t going to mess it up.

Clearing his throat, Alex decided to do the thing he hadn’t been bold enough to do the first time around, “Do you want to go get a drink with me later? You know, to celebrate that a girl didn’t lose her leg?”

“Sure,” Jo answered, sounding breathless.

“Okay,” Alex’s mouth curved up into a soft grin. “I’m going to go check on my patients, but I’ll see you in a bit. For now, keep an eye on our sailor here and page me if anything changes.”

“Will do.”

With one last longing look, Alex walked out of the scrub room onto the OR floor. He made his way to an empty on-call room and sat down on the bed. He looked up at the ceiling and the emptiness before deciding to speak, “Look, I don’t know if you can hear me, but wherever you are, Iz… thank you. I get a chance to make it alright and that’s because of you. And I’m forever in your debt.”

He didn't hear a response, but that wasn’t entirely surprising to him. He just wished there was some way to know that Izzie knew how grateful he was. Just as he was about to stand up from the bed, Alex felt the faintest sensation of a hand on his shoulder. Even though he couldn’t see anyone, Alex knew that she had heard.