#also tumblr is a hellsite I can literally see the entire post of someone who blocked me as long as someone else reblogged it from them

[anyroads]

Really wanted to reblog a post about about the trans sports ban in the US and info to call senators, but since the OP is one of those users who blocks everyone who so much as breathes wrong near them, I can't. So I think I've hit my limit with the culture around blocking on tumblr.

I've been annoyed with the whole "you don't need a reason to block someone just do it" attitude on tumblr for a long time but I've seen other posts talking about it get dogpiled on and I have enough chronic illness and problems in my life as it is without adding to it. But man, this situation now? It's just stupid. It's self-defeating for all of us on here.

What I've wanted to write a post about is how on a site with such a large population of neurodiverse people it's ableist and just mean to indiscriminately block people. I'm not talking about blocking people who are actively mean or harassing other users, btw. I'm talking about users who just say, "eh I don't like this person's vibe" or who assume bad faith without cause and hit block instead of just moving on or asking for clarification. The OP of the post on the trans ban that I wanted to reblog blocked me because a few years ago they posted misinformation about something minor and I offered a correction as someone with experience in that field. Instead of considering what I offered or why, they blocked me - a friend later sent me a screenshot of OP saying in the notes that they blocked me because they thought I just wanted to show off (and look, I could go into why that's not true, but it doesn't matter - we had subjective experiences of an interaction that was, ultimately, innocuous, and could easily have been resolved).

This kind of "lalala I can't hear you, gonna block you" attitude is not only hurtful to others, but is ableist on a website where so many people have NDs that make communication challenging or difficult for them. It reinforces the experiences ND people have in aggressively neurotypical spaces where they aren't given the benefit of the doubt and constantly feel misunderstood and dismissed - people for whom part of tumblr's appeal is its openness to neurodiversity, who then experience the same kind of dismissal and rejection every time someone blocks them for not being able to express themselves in exactly the right way another user wants them to.

Blocking doesn't keep them off your feed, btw - as long as someone else reblogs their content you can still see it. They just can't comment on or reblog your posts or message you. Which is useful when someone is abusive, but pointless when someone just disagreed with you innocuously and you didn't like how it made you feel. That person doesn't even get a chance to clarify their meaning - they can see your content but they're shut out from your conversation. People on this site do this to autistic people daily, and then reblog posts about autism awareness. As an example of this kind of pointless behavior: I said nothing offensive or hurtful to the OP of the post I couldn't reblog today when they blocked me, they just didn't like what I said, assumed bad faith where there was none, and instead of taking a few seconds to check if their assumption was justified, blocked me like they've done with tons of others, as their reputation attests. And while I can't say it felt nice, I also haven't cared - until now, because I don't just want to reblog their post about this trans ban, I feel it's important and urgent to do so because it was a good post, and I know that because they're a popular user who blocks others with such ease and frequency, there are probably hundreds of tumblrs out there who also can't share it. And that actually hurts all of us.

This thing today actually brought up a much more important point: if you keep blocking people just because you can, then you significantly decrease the number of people who can share your content. And that matters, especially right now when that content is important information combating fascism and important to boost. We talk about the problem of too many factions on the left, and this is an example of it: tumblr users limiting the scope of their reach when trying to resist fascism because of how little they're willing to sit with the discomfort of having to try to figure out how to understand someone else, even someone whose perspective mostly aligns with theirs. Assuming bad faith and yelling at each other helps no one except fascists, because division is their best weapon and their base is cohesive. Blocking people on tumblr for not saying exactly what you want to hear just limits who can support you on posts that matter.

It's wrong that I can't reblog this post full of useful, important information about a trans ban that's going to be voted on in Congress in the U.S., just because several years ago the OP couldn't manage their emotional response to a helpful addition on their post. It's wrong that we keep telling people to just block indiscriminately and move on, and that if anyone challenges this idea they get dogpiled on. Yes, block fascists. Yes, block people who are actively hateful and harmful. But that's it. Every time a new flood of refugees from another platform comes here, we pass around posts about how the core of this site is reblogging and adding to each other's content - the idea of blocking indiscriminately goes direcetly against that. We can't keep limiting ourselves like this.

So I guess go search for posts on US Congress SB9 because apparently I can't help you until someone else who hasn't blocked me for a pointless reason posts as comprehensive a post that I can reblog.

[auxiliarydetective]

End-of-Year Appreciation Post

Let's see if I can get this done before midnight - I have 36 minutes! But I really wanted to get this posted, so... time for a speedrun! This post won't nearly be able to say everything I wanna say, so, first and foremost: I love and appreciate all of my mutuals and people I've gotten to talk to this year, so thanks for coming to my corner of the internet and gifting me a little (or a lot - because lord knows I don't shut up if someone mentions one of my favourite fandoms) of your time!

With that being said, time for some special thanks!

@wheresmybloodynauglamir The encyclopedia of Star Trek and one of my closest friends on this hellsite. Thanks so much for literally everything you've done for me this year and all the lovely conversations. Let's have a lot more of those next year! Live long and prosper <3

@littlemervie Thank you for indulging my very nichest of niche interests like The Little Prince and for always sending me a kind message when I least expected it.

@fluffle-system My favourite bnuy in the whole world and a fellow FNAF enjoyer. I hope I always get to be the auxiliary to your detective (yes, this is actually sort of an accurate aitiology of how my url came to be - if you know you know). Let's solve more mysteries and riddles together.

@supermarine-silvally You may have only very recently stumbled into my corner of the internet but I adore every conversation we've had and I hope that many more are to come. If I had to make a choice to pass on my OCs to anyone, the great Donna Aurelia would be yours, and that's a great honor, so I hope you know how much I appreciate our conversations!

@carriagelamp We didn't talk too much this year and that's frankly a crime, but I still stare lovingly at every piece of art you've created for me, with me, or simply for the fandoms I'm in - and the ones for fandoms I don't know I stare at from afar. Just letting you know that I smile everytime I see you on my dash :)

@faerieroyal Dolly my beloved! I hereby sincerely apologize for all the times I've hopped into our Discord chat to ramble about my OCs or whine about my hour-long adventures of looking for faceclaims and/or names, but I'm not planning on stopping anytime soon. The amount of positivity and support you bring into my life is immesurable and I absolutely adore you for supporting each of my OCs, even if you don't know their fandom, and how you let me introduce you to my newest hyperfixations when the brainrot strikes. - To many more rambling sessions!

@come-along-pond who allowed me to participate in the fyeahonepieceocs blog and gave me a platform to launch my own little project of a OP resources blog from. - Through anon hate and plot bunnies, you've helped me and supported me through so much and I'm really, really thankful for that!

@oneirataxia-girl @endless-oc-creations and everyone else in the Discord Server, thank you so much for suffering through my countless pings and appearing when I need you most to offer your advice and help. You've saved many of my OCs in the past and I'm certain you'll keep doing so in the future.

@starcrossedjedis @bravelittleflower and @ninjasawakenedmystar aka the angels who made Cora's creation possible - and by extention then also that of Lily and La Donna! Thanks so much, my fellow One Piece girlies!

@thehedgehogat221b who has been keeping me tethered to the A-Team fandom, making sure that I never forget how happy it makes me, and who always has time to spare to hear me ramble about Kit Kelley and her conman boyfriend

@daughterofhecata @bistdueinbaum and the entire Die Drei ??? fandom. You brought me onto Tumblr and though I may not be as active in the fandom anymore, Tumblr still considers my blog a Die Drei ??? blog and I don't plan on forgetting my roots anytime soon, so I promise you more detective content in the year 2024 - featuring my beloved Jelena, of course! My token adopted side character... Maybe I'll also hop into the Tatort fandom, who knows? Also, can we make Rosenheim Cops a fandom? I feel kinda lonely and silly over here lol

@claramurphyqueenoffandoms the VoicePlay supporter. Man, was I happy to find someone who loves these dorks as much as I do. We haven't talked much, but thanks so much for enabling the hyperfixation that triggered my character development into a happier person and letting me relive those memories.

@cody-helix02 @thoughpoppiesblow @footprintsinthesxnd @kafka-ohdear and the entire Band of Brothers fandom. You've been so nice to me from day one when I first stumbled into the fandom and you still are incredibly lovely people! I'd like to give something back, so, if you ever need any research done for your fic and you can't find anything, let me know and I'll traverse my resources and my university's library to see what I can find <3 Also, I shall present to you more Anita content in the future! There's one fic featuring Luz and one featuring Bull curently in my projects list!

@maxwellshimbo @asaturnerofficial and all the other lurkers and people I constantly find in my notes - you always brighten my day. I'll have had an awful no good time but then I see you and I go: "Ah yes, my friends are still here" and I feel so much better!

Thanks to much to everyone on and off the list, and have a very lovely new year!

[dragoninahumancostume]

I want to see art of Tumblr as a physical space. It's a building. The popular blogs are sitting on their thrones. The hall of fame is the reception of it because departamental building. You know when you got to a building and there are sofas on one side the receptionist in front fo the door? Imagine he sofa side is incredibly big but it's actually a library, because everyone here seems to love libraries, and each book is a famous post, but they're all disorganized entirely so they randomly appear on a table of the library and someone grabs it and says "hey look at this!" and then continue to share it; sometimes they don't share it and instead put it back in the shelf but soon it appears on a table again. Each apartment is a person and each room in them is a blog they have, and if you only have one blog? Worry not! Slider curtains or magical walls, so it's technically one room but it's made perfectly to fit you. The apartment has all accommodations needed for the person (wheel chair, painkillers, pads, tampons, you name it and it's there.) and you can have your pronouns and your name written on the door and next to it a list of the things you love the most and want to talk about with people. There are pride flags inside and outside if you want to have them. Your wardrobe is whatever you want to wear for the day; Cozy pajama? Sure! Wizard robe! There you go! Victorian outfit? Lovely! Beetlejuice cosplay? Neat!

The dash is the halls. We wander around the building whenever we leave the room. When you post something, you're just saying out loud your thoughts, and if you get notes, that's just people wandering near your apartment who happen to have heard you. Likes are people literally leaving heart shaped stickers —with the paper still on— under your door with a little note saying "I heard you saying this and I liked it". Reblogs are people hearing you, then going back to their rooms and saying "Hey I heard this and I want all of you to hear it too! Also, I may have something to add to it!". Your neighbors are your mutuals, because they can hear you more easily.

In the main hall there are, like, papers hanging on one VERY big wall. The wall has written at the very top of it "POLLS" in big font. The wall is divided in "FINISHED" and "AVAILABLE". The papers on the available side come with a pen so you can vote, but no one sees you while doing so and no one will know what you said except for you.

The asks are people sending you letters under your door. Your door is uh magical so you can say if people have to sign it or if it's okay to put it anonymous. You then proceed to read the letter out loud for everyone who passes by to hear and you answer.

The drafts is you having a thought but instead of saying it out loud you write it down, and put it on a shelf with the other drafts. Every apartment has a shelf, as high or as low as the person wants it, the color and the shape and everything is to appeal the owner of the apartment.

And uh.. I think that's it for now I can't think for much else except uh

@hellsite-detective has two types of asks. The simples ones like "Hey can you find this?" "I love what you do!" are the usual letters, the other type is the people who prefer to go ask for help themselves. They knock on the door and present the evidence for the case, trusting our dear detective.

There's so many people in here... Tumblr is pretty much a city with how many buildings there are... People can go on to other buildings and wander around too and participate if they want.

The gimmick blogs have different wardrobes in their rooms. There's the main one where they go as themselves, and there's the other where they can put on costumes and change their names.

There's also a more secluded part of the city... That's where the misfits live. Bigots, transphobes, homophobes... People who we don't want to be around, so they hide in their little corner of the city. Most know better than to interact. Those who are curious put on a custom to not be seen when they wander around, and they try not to engage.

I want to continue talking about this but I don't have any more ideas right now so please continue this if you want! :)

[benoitblanc]

hey arwen, long time no see!! hope you're doing well! 💜

i know nothing about txf besides what i've gleaned from this hellsite which is a) mulder is a lovable idiot, b) scully both loves him (almost against her will??), and c) they literally invented shipping BUT tell me about your top 5 txf episodes!!!

hi mitali i have been EXTREMELY patchy on here lately haven't i lol. local woman appears on tumblr to write ten meta posts about the x files and then disappears again! i'm doing okay; my real life has been kind of chaotic (had to last-minute cancel a trip i have been desperate to go on for years so :/ but! on the bright side it means i get to see my flatmates sooner than i thought and i miss them even though i've been gone from my flat for like a week and a half lol). how have you been???

those are very accurate txf vibes but i will say that scully is a very active and willing participant in being in love with mulder even though he can be very very stupid at times lol. i hope you watch it someday- i think it would be right up your alley! kind of similar doctor who ecological niche of being weird, heartfelt, politically relevant sci-fi with no consistent quality or tone.

ANYWAY. top 5 txf episodes, bearing in mind that i've technically only watched up until the end of the fourth season so far; i'm just a ho for spoilers:

pusher (3.17)... what can i say about pusher that i haven't said already. a lot, probably, because every single day i log on here and i see someone's written new meta about pusher that makes the entire show make more sense. it's just... it's txf distilled to its barest elements. it's about trust and codependency and a supernatural force that is made all the more unsettling by the fact that at its core it is just some guy. it's funny and terrifying and heartfelt all at once. the russian roulette scene changed television

clyde bruckman's final repose (3.04) is also just so txf. darin morgan (the writer) tended to write episodes that were so absurdist they wrapped back around to satirical, but this is far and away my favorite of his because it's not too bonkers. i love coprophages and from outer space especially, but clyde bruckman is a little more grounded, and it manages to be sarcastic and sincere in equal measure. and i love when scully gets to solve the mystery

irresistible (2.13), which is famous for being pretty much the only txf episode where there isn't actually an x-file. and it's SO fucked up. it is hands-down the most fucked up episode of the entire sh- well. besides the episode that they banned from reruns for like a decade for being so fucked up, it's hands-down the most fucked up episode of the entire show

beyond the sea (1.13) and paper hearts (4.10) are thematic sisters so i'm keeping them together. they're both about choosing to move past grief instead of wallowing in it and choosing the future over the past. so what if a criminal says they can give you the answers you've spent your whole life chasing? what matters is that you're at your partner's hospital bedside when he wakes up from an injury, or that you save a little girl's life

right now? probably ice (1.08), because i just rewatched it with my flatmate (who is going through s1 for the first time and is almost as obsessed as i am). it's like if midnight doctor who and the thing had a baby. normally i think this slot would go to duane barry/ascension/one breath (2.05/2.06/2.08) or nisei/731 (3.09/3.10), which are the tightest, tensest episodes relating to the show's overarching mythology

honorable mention goes to elegy (4.22) because the a-plot is a very 90s depiction of neurodivergence and it's not the best-handled thing i've ever seen, but the character showcase of scully in the b-plot gave me fucking brain worms. i cannot stop thinking about it. it's haunting.

also, memento mori (4.14). vince gilligan and gillian anderson you're splitting my therapy bill

ask my top 5/10 anything!!!

[leam1983]

On Boomerly Tendencies

One of the things about the Hellsite that bug me for no fucking reason is when I see folks I follow receive self-indulgent Asks.

Let's pretend we've got this one Tumblr whose entire persona is being Pro-Disabled Lesbians. This doesn't relate to anyone in particular, I'm spitballing for the sake of an example. You know this person is, in fact, in favor of proper recognition for disabled lesbians, it's blatantly obvious even if it isn't the absolute, definitive extent of the blog's persona, and you can infer that they're also as Progressive as you'd expect. Ergo, there's a fuckton of other groups this hypothetical person respects. It's implicit. It is, in fact, pretty fucking obvious.

In strolls one of their followers, with a typically timid query along the lines of "Thoughts about XYZ?" with the very obvious implication that they're fishing for validation. Said blogger obviously replies with a variant on "I'm obviously in favor, what do you think?"

And that, well... That bugs me. I understand that life is tough and that sometimes all you want is some kind stranger to tell you you're valid for struggling, but this isn't even it. It's literally just someone poking someone else on the shoulder - sometimes even myself - while being a relatively complete stranger, and then asking "Do you approve of me?"

Look, maybe I'm old. Maybe it's old-fashioned of me to not want to love-bomb complete strangers or to see people who do that as being a little too open. I don't wish ill will on anyone by default and I absolutely have relayed the occasional bit of generic positivity that crosses my dash. I've even posted a fair bit of it, myself. However, I'd react to the fact of being ask to single out my validation of any specific group with a bit of annoyance.

Isn't Trying not to be an asshole in all facets of life generally enough? I'm always tempted to suggest to anyone who comes to me for validation that they seek a loved one or a coworker they deeply trust, or an IRL friend. Parasocials can feel like a strong component of our identity, but I'm just words on a screen, at the end of the day. Most of you will never meet me or come close to ever seeing me in the flesh. Considering, using me as an emotional crutch - or any other blogger, really - feels like a dicey proposition. What if I turn into a raging asshole, someday? What if some other blogger you follow does, when you sought them out for some free Warm Fuzzies?

[dimiclaudeblaigan]

Thank you for sending these, nonnies! I appreciate you taking the time to send these!

I’ll be sure to use a different name and/or use censors for it!

What I will say is that there’s no way they can just get me off Tumblr. I’ve been on this hellsite since like... 2012 or so? Granted, the only reason I responded was to point out that they were trying to start shit on a post that they just grabbed at random because their comments weren’t even related in the most distant way to my post.

As far as the dumbass who responded to that post, I did block them once I responded. I could tell immediately that their comments had nothing to do with the post and that they tried to warp it into “this is hate for the character and ship” when it wasn’t hate for either of those. It was me pointing out that those types of people are gross for their bi erasure, and in my tags I also expressed that anyone who does that I feel the same way about.

In other words, I know exactly what they’re trying to do, but evidently they can’t read nor comprehend English and so failed to realize the post literally had nothing to do with the characters themselves and was entirely about the circle jerk of bi erasure in their community.

That was it. That was the post lol. If they try to get involved with me or send henchmen after me for advocating against bi erasure, this person is making themselves a problem in a much larger community than the nonsense they pull in the Houses fandom. The post itself wasn’t about their little waifu or ship, so as a group of people they have nothing to use as leverage for “but this is hate!” (especially when it wasn’t in any tag whatsoever to do with FE). The post wasn’t about her or the ship. It was about how stans are not supportive of LGBT+ as long as they continue to exclude, you know, the B part of that term (also hilarious how it’s the stans themselves who take offense simply to that term when the comments have nothing to do with the character at all, and as soon as they see the term they cry “character hate!”... despite it not even being related to the game or its characters, etc even remotely).

So yeah, I may not like the stans but I would like to guess that not all of them are that level of moronic that they would see a post complaining about bi erasure and go “character hate spotted!”. This nutcase just saw the term hooha stans and replied with a post full of incorrect assumptions. On a site like Tumblr, I would very much not recommend bullying someone for defending bi people, lest, again, the person wants even bigger problems than their fictional media.

What they did would be like if I took a post about Ferdinand talking about his morality and then being like “okay, here’s my ship headcanon for Ferdinand and Dorothea”.

Not that I don’t appreciate you two sending these asks! I just really hope their entire fan group is not that idiotic that they would see a comment about LGBT+ and somehow connect that to hate for their faves. Also, Tumblr is kind of my Home Base tee em and I happen to enjoy talking about Ike here, so... no matter how much controversy they start, I’m not really deep in Houses discourse. I’m just cycling through FE as a whole and making posts they don’t care about.

Thanks for caring though, nonnies! I send you huggies and happiness!!!

[artistic-lj]

Why would someone reply, knowing I’d get a notification, and then block me? And also, my only real issue was that I was 1) disappointed that the top ships were familial figures and 2) very upset/uncomfortable at the concept of shipping an adult with a child if the child had not been aged up.

So then I searched their username on tumblr andddd…

Yeah. That would be why. I didn’t even say that it was wrong to ship them. I said “the part of the Batman/batfam fandom that I’m in very much views them as siblings…”

Like… I’ve READ Jaydick fanfictions before, they’re not my favorite things but I think they’re interesting and cute/enjoyable when they’re not portrayed as siblings. Or if they are, it’s in passing like “oh yeah this person is supposed to be my brother figure but I never viewed him that way, yadda yadda.”

Actually, since the person who blocked me-

(after we had literally never interacted and I purposefully made sure I didn’t tag my post with any of the ships I was talking negatively about BECAUSE I didn’t want those people to see it and feel negatively about my opinions)

-writes Jaydick, here’s a fic recommendation from the one I read the other day: it’s a poly ship fic between Jason Todd/Dick Grayson/Koriand’r/Roy Harper. It’s called Under Your Nose by withthekeyisking on Ao3. While I don’t personally tend to ship Jaydick, I thought the way Dick and Jason’s relationship was handled here was really well executed; and it was clear to me as a reader that they never truly viewed each other as brothers. I could be misinterpreting the author’s intentions, but that’s what I read it as.

Anyway, I genuinely do not care what people write and post, as long as it’s all properly tagged and people know what they’re getting into when they start. I saw a fic the other day that was literally an entire Batfamily orgy and Alfred was going room to room cleaning stuff while it was happening. It was FUNNY, even if that’s probably not what the author intended. I enjoyed skimming through it because I saw that it was tagged properly and I PERSONALLY was curious, despite my reservations on shipping batfamily members, especially the bat brothers.

And obviously I cannot remove tags from a post I am reblogging but I did my best to avoid tagging ANYTHING that had to do with the ships I was talking negatively about, like I said before. So I guess a Jaydick search was all it took to lead @/skalidra to my post?? Like… I know tumblr is known for its poor reading comprehension, as seen in the Taylor Swift bisexual thread, but I didn’t think that something like that would ever impact a post of mine because literally none of my posts ever reach ANYONE.

But of course THIS POST, the one where I say I’m technically “anti-ship” just because I know people would label me as such, even after I repeatedly say that they can ship whatever they want and I’m just personally opposed to incestuous/semi-incestuous and adult/minor ships. Like… I don’t know… why would you publicly reply and announce that you view my post as a blocklist before blocking me…?? when I can still see replies because my posts literally go NO WHERE ever, to the point that I still have email notifications on and they DONT bother me.

Anyway, I guess I’m “virtue signaling” and “can’t handle stats” because I used the hellsite to publicly voice to the void that I dislike ships including minor/adult pairings and am not a fan of ships that have incestuous undertones, even when they’re not related. And just to repeat for the people who are still upset with me I guess(???): YOU CAN SHIP WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT AS LONG AS YOU TAG IT PROPERLY. But in that same vein of you being able to ship whatever you want and vocalize it publicly: OTHER PEOPLE ARE ALLOWED TO DISLIKE YOUR SHIPS AND VOCALIZE THAT PUBLICLY WITHOUT BEING VIRTUE SIGNALERS.

Anyway, that’s all, have a nice day, Tumblr <3

TOP 10 Jason Todd "Red Hood"

1.-Jason Todd/Dick Grayson (8699) 2.-Jason Todd/Tim Drake (7011) 3.-Jason Todd/Roy Harper (3179) 4.-Jason Todd/Bruce Wayne (2147) 5.-Jason Todd/Slade Wilson (1114) 6.-Jason Todd/Damian Wayne (861) 7.-Jason Todd/Marinette Dupain-Cheng (837) 8.-Jason Todd/Stephanie Brown (565) 9.-Jason Todd/Kyle Rayner (440) 10.-Jason Todd/Roman Sionis (407)

This list doesn't include fanfics tagged with Jason Todd/Reader.

Please don't comment hate messages, this post is purely informative. I don't want my notifications to be filled with ship wars/hate or mean in general :/

[interstellix]

to those who made my 2020 a little better,

i just wanted to let each one of you know that you mean tons to me and that you truly have, in one way or another, made this year better. i’ll be honest, 2020 was just not it for me, a whole lot of shit happened and i’ve had countless of days where i’ve been too tired in ways i can’t explain. at the same time though, good things have happened as well, one of them being the people i’ve met on tumblr; some of you i’ve been friends with since before, some of you i got to know this year and some of you even very very recently. still, i can’t thank these people enough because they’ve all been part of making this year less shitty than it would’ve been otherwise. thus, i wanted to at least let the mentioned ones know that they’re the ones part of that

now, i’m really not good with words, and i absolutely Hate being sappy, yet that’s exactly what i’m being here fjkdfk. i’m deadass out here cringing at my own words but please bear with me this one time LMAOO.

tldr; ily and u’re all v v precious people to me

@ohmyhao i don't think i'll ever be able to explain just how precious you are to me, no joke :( i'm almost 100% you're the one who's been sticking around my blog(s) since the very start and i want you to know that, even if we don't talk as often, i'm grateful for each and every day knowing i deadass have someoone like you around. i mean, i'll be honest, i still question your choice of favorite haikyuu characters because oi🤮kawa bUT!! i'll forgive you bc!! you're literally among the cutest people i've ever come across (don't even think of arguing with me this time), you're no joke one of the reasons i continued staying on tumblr and getting to know you is something i'll always feel blessed over 🥰

@kachulein LOL OK i could go on for hours and hours here, mostly because of how many and all the different things we talk about stuff that just shouldn't see the light of the world included. talking to you is something that never fails to make me feel happy but also incredibly at ease; i really, really want you to know that something i’m incredibly grateful for is how i’m comfortable enough with you to be able to talk about things i otherwise just can’t :( aside from that, listen, 99% of our conversation have me wheezing my throat off, like it can get weird af but it still has me laughing. something else i’m really happy is when you put in your two cents in our conversation, i’ve said it before but as someone who struggles with seeing things from more than one perspective, i really admire hearing about your own! all in all, i love you tons and tons, you’re an incredible person through and through and i truly appreciate the time i get to talk to you!

@starryarles i don’t think i tell you this enough but?? mae?? i literally love you so much, legit l-o-mae-l??? i still laugh my ass of looking back at the time you found my other blog and i had to guess which one of my mutuals you were LMAOO listen the panic fjijfkjk. anyway, i absolutely adore every message, ask and comment i receive from you, no joke i always get really happy from each one of them and tbh?? during that long period of time we didn’t talk i genuinely thought you hated me or something HAHAH. turns out that that was not true at all or so i hope and not to sound like a sap but i’m deadass overjoyed that we started talking again. and really, you’re way, way too supportive, i literally don’t deserve how much love i’ve received from you even but please know that i’m grateful for every bit of it and that i love you stupid much and hope we can have another good year together :’)

@milkteandhan you?? are also?? one of the few who have been dealing with my ass literally from the very start?? because i seriously can’t remember having been on tumblr without you around?? BUT ALSO YOU LITTLE SHIT IDGI you bully me to the ends of the fucking world but for some reason?? i still love you?? >:(( ok but jokes aside, i really do love you a lot, i mean i love you as much as you make me suffer and that? that’s a lot :) you drop by my inbox with either the cutest/funniest message or pictures that make me wanna dig my grave but either way, they always make me smile like a fucking moron and listen LISTEN. i really wanna explain to you how much you mean to me but idk where to start bc i can’t. literally just can’t. find the words for that. but all i can say is that meeting you is something i’ll thank any and every damn god out there for and i’m not even religious, like at all fjkdjfkd so yeah. mwah

@astronomlns my god you bitch you bully me almost on the daily and then you?? have the audacity to deny it?? but! that said, i don’t mind lol. one of my biggest regret what goes my “”online-life”” is the awfully long time we didn’t talk but that’s also why i’m mad happy that we actually do now, almost every day even. i’ve already said this before but have the friendly reminder that you’re among the few that i feel really safe when talking. we’ve also pointed out this before but it’s almost been two whole years since we became friends and i hope you can stick with my shit for another whole year. again, you bully me a lot, but i still love you a whole damn lot, never forget that

@lixchannie i’ll be flat out honest, idk what the hell i’m supposed to say here. despite all bullshit that has happened you’ve been there with me this entire, entire time ever since we became friends and i don’t think i’ll ever be able to explain how thankful i am for that. we don’t talk every day and imy when we don’t lmao but tbh i’m fine with that because i’m genuinely glad knowing that i even get to have someone like you in my life. so yeah don’t leave me bc i’ll deadass hunt you to the end of the world

the rest of the “”kin-gang”” like some like to call it @bubbleskz @berryyyyyy @skzbbie we don’t talk as often, v v rarely actually but i want y’all to know that i don’t appreciate and love you any less than i did before we started somewhat losing touch. i don’t like sounding cheesy and shit fjkfkds but let it slide this time, the times we do talk are times i treasure more than i can explain, deadass. i feel like i don’t tell you this enough but you guys are better friends than i could ever ask for. again, we don’t talk as much, but 2020 would’ve sucked a thousand times more if we didn’t talk a lot, so thank you tons for being part of it and i hope you’ll be there for 2021 too :’)

@soulkhunscompass LISTEN. listen. i’ll say it, i’ll just fucking say it: i don’t deserve you at fucking all :///// you’re way too sweet to me, talking to you always makes me smile and laugh, esp when you promise making me food one day ffjdkfjkds. but somehow?? at the same time, and idk how you do it, but somehow SOMEHOW you never fail to make me feel appreciated whenever you tell me sweet ass things. ‘in return’, never forget that both that and you are something i appreciate way way more k >:( and also >:(( never forget that i love you so much, literally more than i love how the corner of felix’s eyes crinkle up whenever he smiles and that’s,,, that’s a damn lot tbh 👉👈

@chwe-yeeun honestly i’m lowkey sobbing while writing this. you’re one of those i only got to know this year, in fact just a few months ago but nonetheless, you’re still one of those i treasure a whole damn lot. like you said, you love making me suffer with pretty boys, it hurts but it’s still funny lmao, i appreciate but also feel bad whenever you have to deal with my bullshit whenever i come crying to you over eric those pretty boys, aNd ThE tImEs yOu SeNd ThAt CuTe HuG?? i return them all, like fr take my heart i don’t need it, it’s your for the taking like literally fuck it. moral of the story, i love you tons and thank you for being there with and for me :’)

@riskyrenjun i might as well start off and say that i fucking screeched when i saw you in my notifs and mention my content on your blog bc?? the queen herself?? noticed me?? wtf?? and i’ll be honest, i’ve been following you for a good while and for the longest time ever i wanted to hit you up bc you’ve literally always seemed so precious sO?? dO YOU EVEN KNOW??? hoW hAPPY i am?? that we actually?? are friends?? i’ve done nothing to deserve that but here we are fjkflkd. i saw your end-of-the-year post, i’m sorry i haven’t responded to it and that i’ve been so shit at talking lately, but i promise i’ll try to get better at it lmao so!!! i hope you’ll still stick around with me at that point because i can be really fucking damn annoying 🥺 long story short pray for a good 2021 bc you’ll probably regret ever even wanting to talk to me once we’ve become closer lol <3

there are a few other friends and mutuals i wanna include here; i don’t talk as much with some of y’all, others are people i’m still getting to know but nevertheless, i want you to know that meeting each one of you here on this hellsite is a blessing in itself and that it’s one of the things i’m happy 2020 has actually given me :’)

@0325-4419 @marculees @jwisungchan @stealerz @ciiikb @zoey-angel-istaeminsbitchnow @yangles @violethhj @littlefallenrebel  

alllso to dear dc servers: @planteii @joey-yellow-county @sakura-writes-stuff @bound-writings @koukounuts @classicalsylph  the rest of the server bc i’m struggling really hard to find them // @crimsoncitrus @everythingsinred and the rest of that server because again i’m struggling to find the url to the rest fjdkfkd; i’m not particularly active in neither but i still want you to know that i’m very grateful for being able to be part of two v v warm and welcoming servers, so thank you for that 🥺

[mynameisnemo]

So once upon a time @ananeiah​ convinced me to start listening to The Magnus Archives.  And then, as if that wasn’t enough crime being committed, then she started throwing Tumblr posts about the show at my head until I actually had to come back to this hellsite and create an account so that I too could yell about headcanons. 

This post right here about Martin was the post that actually dragged me back onto this hellsite after I quit years ago.  It’s a really good post but to caveat the entire LONG post to follow, I don’t totally agree with OP’s headcanon.

So diving right in, we haven’t been given anything about Martin's mum other than in EP118 where Elias used her to torture Martin into not burning the statements anymore.  And then she died when everything else was also going to hell.  And Martin’s mum may have been awful and abusive and never loved him.   But...I feel like this take on her is a very one-dimensional one, coming pretty much entirely from Elias Known-Liar-and-Manipulator Bouchard’s mouth while he’s using the knowledge against someone for a purpose. Elias is a fear entity who is getting ready to feed Martin to the lonely. 

But the really awful thing is if she did love him.

Maybe at one point she really did love him but over time and thru her deterioration her ability to see him apart from his father deteriorated as well.  And so Martin knows that at one time she did love him...but then things got hard...and then things got harder (and no one ever says what she was sick with so depending on what type of degenerative illness she had I have different theories about this) and in the end she can only see his father and not him but he has to hope every day that she'll remember him.

(Like there's early onset dementia/Alzheimers which would both cause a lack of ability to distinguish Martin from his father, esp given the physical similarities between them.  And also an obvious excuse for emotional outbreaks on her part. And then brain cancer which...is a whole fucking can of worms about how it can exhibit.  Or it could be something physical like Parkinson's or MS or ALS which doesn’t necessarily in and of itself cause a mental deterioration but the drugs that are used to treat it can cause all kinda of cognitive complications.)

But any of them would exhibit a pattern of good days and bad days and Martin wouldn’t have anyway of knowing what was the drugs - either in a positive or a negative way - and what was her actual feelings.  And then a literal avatar of evil and fear takes the worst parts of that and shoves it into his mind wholesale without any nuance or mitigation.

And then on top of that, he doesn’t even have time to deal with it.  Because soon after that Jon and Tim and Daisy all died to various degrees.  And Elias was still there being a threat and Melanie was also there and a much more immediate physical threat.  And I know everyone processes things in different ways and on different timelines but the existence of an immediate threat mostly supersedes any kind of emotional processing.

And then Peter was fucking with him which I very much feel like started with a dampening of his feelings via depression.  As if he didn’t enough already to be depressed about.  (And at the time that I originally thought a lot of this out I hadn’t started S5 yet.  So, ya know, The Fearpocalypse.)

Mostly I feel like until he gets some time to breathe he won’t even start to work thru the major emotional trauma of dealing with his mom dying.  And that would be true even if Elias hadn’t been evil and shown him a truth about her feelings towards him.  I feel that would require the emotional space to work thru what is grief and what is possibly outside influenced trauma.  Which also assumes that he is the type of person who has the ability to see that the two might be separate, and I think he is because he seems to have a certain amount of ability to be introspective.  I think anyone who ends up lonely has to be, to some extent.

There’s so many levels to what he needs to process as well.  Because the thing about processing after a parent dies isn’t just about the feelings when you're like 30 and they died but also about the feelings when you were 9 and confused and 14 and resentful and 23 and angry.  All of those emotions are valid and they all have to be dealt with without the ability to hash them out with the person you feel them about.  And there's no ability to gain a perspective on the things that made you feel that way because you can’t say "hey, you remember that time this happened....it made me feel this way..." and then they explain what their emotions and perspective on the thing were. 

Because...they don’t exist anymore.  So you have to attribute actions and emotions to a past event thru a lense of what you think you know about a person.

And I will NEVER forgive Elias because Martin will always have to wonder, no matter how healthy his coping mechanisms are, if he is just wishing his mother did love him or if she really hated him and everything was a lie.

[mokuknight]

Literally was sent a TikTok by a friend this morning of someone cosplaying as Roach, I barely see anyone talk about Roach particularly..... but uh... people simp for him too somehow..

"He may not have any voice lines, but the way he breathes 😍"

HEY, HEY HORNY-BOY, LOOK AT ME. WHEN YOU HEAR A GUY IN EXCRUCIATING PAIN FROM 15 BULLETS, DO YOU EDGE??

Is that your fuel? Do you search YT for random people suffering from bullet wounds? Because thats essentially what that feels like. Roach doesn't talk, we can only hear what he sounds like when he's hurt. I'm not kink shaming, I'm pointing something out that seems concerning. Patterns I'm seeing within this entire fandom. No matter where you turn, there it is. And theres nothing to protect people from seeing it if they don't want to simply because people don't care.

If you're gonna write some disgustingly explicit but also short shit about poor Captain Price eating p**** (YES, THATS A POST THAT TUMBLR RECOMMENDED TO ME, THANKS HELLSITE 😭) PUT SOME TAGS.

Besides, wholesome stuff is always great, and here, thats a bit hard to find. So if anything, I'll do my best to contribute when I can.

Take care, comrades. Stay safe and PLEASE MIND OTHERS, I'M TRYING MY BEST TO AT LEAST SPEAK FOR PEOPLE WHO CARE ABOUT RETAINING SOME INNOCENCE IN THEIR YOUNG UNDERAGED LIVES

*HIGH PITCHED FEARFUL SCREAMING

COD FANDOM PUT SOME TAGS ON YOUR SHIT IF YOU DON'T WANT MINORS SEEING IT BECAUSE OMGGG HOW ARE YOU NOT EMBARRASSED SAYING THAT SHIT PUBLICLY ABOUT SOLDIERS WHO ARE LITERALLY JUST DOING THEIR JOB 😭

TAGS!!!! TAGS EXIST!!!!

[lesbiheon]

hi n! it's been a hot minute since i gushed about how much i love and appreciate your gifs so here goes dhdhd the landscape for tumblr content creators is,,,rough but you still regularly make sets and you're so talented and your sets are always so top notch and you're kinda a beacon of light and happiness. you're just so,,good and your sets reflect that and i can't help but love each one you post

Hi Ezra! Could you excuse me for a moment? I think I have something in my eyes...

Oh wait nvm it’s just these gosh darn onions Hamgom is over here chopping...

JK THEYRE TEARS THEYRE REAL TEARS BC WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Idek what to say tbh... just... thank you so much... you’ve made my entire week yes it’s only Monday night and what about it! My week has been made!!!!!!! Idc what happens this week nothing will make me sad bc I’ll just remember this and get happy and smiley!!!!!!!!! And just... thank you for appreciating my gifs thank you for liking and reblogging them thank you for leaving me incredibly nice comments on them... and thank you ofc for making me laugh or smile w your tags always!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😭💓 As someone who is also ace I 100% relate to the softness you have for MX! But... can I gush about you????? Can I say that you are one of the nicest monbebe’s I have the pleasure of knowing??? Can I say that every time I see a notif that says pansyhorizon liked/reblogged your post I immediately click on it bc I want to see what you wrote in the tags and I never expect any compliments on my gifs I really am just genuinely interested in what you commented on what I giffed but every time I read something nice you said about the coloring or how they look or whatever it may be I want to crawl into bed and cry for 3 days straight? Can I say that you not only do this on my gifsets but to other content creators as well and I also love reading your tags on their works? Can I say that you are adorable and your blog’s aesthetic is so nice? Can I say that your moodboards are always an absolute mood and so pretty to look at? Can I say that you are a literal ray of sunshine on this hellsite?? Can I say that I think you are just as cute as a button??? CAN I??????? 😭💓💓💓💓💓💓💓

[oldbluethings]

The Cold Ones (Doctor Strange fanfic)

This is a story I've been working on for a while, but haven't really come close to finishing yet. This fic is my side piece, basically.

It's the sequel to Spark and Fade (and also Children of the Old Moon, but not as much) so it might help to read SnF first. I thought I would start posting bits to Tumblr as I finished, mostly because I hate having WIPs on AO3, but I have a lot of unfinished things and I get restless, so... I'll post this to AO3 when I finish it, which will be in approximately three years.

Anyway, most people following me are Dr. Strange fans, so why the F not? Here's the first bit. I'm not doing a summary.

Also, I apparently can't do 'read more' line breaks anymore on this hellsite, so y'all just gonna have to scroll past this shit if you don't want to read it.

The Cold Ones, ch 1

Fandom: Doctor Strange, MCU

Rating: Explicit

Pairing: Stephen Strange/Karl Mordo

Genre: magical mystery, angst, smut, action/adventure

Characters: Stephen Strange, Wong, Karl Mordo, Everett Ross, Original Characters

Warnings: nah

***

He swore he’d rather spend an eternity in a tentacle-infested swamp dimension than ever come back here, but here he is.

Stephen looks around at the blank white walls, the sealed door. He scratches at an electrode that's pulling irritatingly on the hair on his chest. There's only one window. He can see Everett Ross and his assorted techs and minions sitting behind the glass, staring at him. He stares back. "Don't you know any other magic people you can torment?" he calls.

Ross's cheerful voice comes through the intercom. "None half as charming as you, Strange."

He snorts, he can't help it. Ross is a bastard, but at least he's an amusing bastard. Occasionally.

There’s not much to do in here except walk in circles. Stephen steps carefully around the only other thing in the room with him—a plexiglass box, about one foot square, sitting in the center of the room. The hinged lid is locked and there are small holes in the sides, almost as if it might contain something alive. It doesn't, though, he can tell. Still, he keeps a wary eye on the box, says, “You guys don't have the budget to give me a chair?”

“Any unnecessary objects in the room might interfere with the test.” Dr. Thompson’s voice this time. She strikes Stephen as one of those people who excelled in medical school only to discover she was just slightly too much of a sociopath to ever be a good doctor. Experimenting on people is probably a better career choice for her.

He finishes another circuit of the room, lets the silence stretch on until he can't take the growing restlessness anymore. And, still, nothing happens. “What exactly am I supposed to be doing in here?”

“Relax, Strange.” Ross again, and then Dr. Thompson, “We’re just finishing up some final calibrations.”

He sighs and nods. The fact that he’s trapped in here is entirely his fault; he asked for this.

Just two weeks ago, he was sitting at a booth in his favorite coffee shop, waiting for Ross, and trying hard not to fidget.

He'd always liked this place—the coffee was good and the servers were quick and efficient. The place was never crowded. He could sit and think without worrying about being bothered. And the alley out back was always empty and didn't stink too badly, so opening a portal there was never much of a risk.

He lifted his mug of coffee with both hands—too sore on that damp, cold day to fold his stiff fingers around the handle—and took a sip, watched the people hurrying past the window in the rainy street outside.

He didn't have to wait long. The bells over the door jingled and then Everett Ross was sliding into the booth across from him, dressed in his usual gray suit—always expensive, but understated—shaking out and then fastening his umbrella closed with quick efficient movements. His hair was slicked back, not a strand out of place. Stephen wondered if the suit was meant to match the hair, or if it was just a coincidence that they were the exact same color.

Once settled, Ross folded his hands on the table and smiled his smug smile, all self-assured confidence. “Strange,” he said, and nodded. Stephen scowled back, but tipped his head fractionally.

The waitress materialized beside them and Ross ordered a coffee with cream. He watched her walk away, then turned back to Stephen. "So," he said. "You called me. And here I am."

“Yes.” Stephen cleared his throat and tried to resist the urge to tap his foot on the floor. "I called you,” he said slowly, still not quite sure if this was a good idea and stalling for just a little more time. “I... want to make a deal with you."

"Oh?" Ross feigned innocence, but that smug smile crept back onto his face. He knew exactly why Stephen had called him. Ross fiddled with the cream for a moment, before looking back up. "And what sort of deal do you think I'd be interested in?"

"Mary Jacobsen," Stephen said. "She wants to go to college. I need the police and your people to back off and leave her alone. You know she had nothing to do with the murder of her parents. She's just a kid. She has no interest in ever working for you or your agency.”

Ross made a scoffing sound. “I'm a great boss, actually. Everyone loves working for me.”

Stephen chose to ignore Ross’s joke. “And... she'll need a new identity, too, so she can't be found. There are still people out there who might be looking for her. Dangerous people."

Ross gave him a shrewd look. “People like your friend, Karl Mordo?”

Stephen didn't like the way Ross emphasized the word friend like that. He wished he could enjoy the distraction of a sip of coffee right now. But picking up the mug in front of Ross would just reveal more weakness. “Maybe.” He settled for a shrug, instead. “That's not your concern.”

Ross stared back at him for a long moment. "You're asking for a lot,” he mused, sliding his coffee mug against the napkin. They both knew he wasn't, not for someone with Ross’s connections, but in the end it didn't matter—Stephen needed what Ross had and there was no good way around it.

Ross abandoned his mug and started tapping his finger against the table. He still hadn’t taken a sip. “And what will you offer me in return?"

Stephen tightened his jaw before answering. "Name your price."

Ross's finger tapped a little faster against the table, the only sign of his interest. He narrowed his eyes at Stephen. "Okay. You already know we're interested in magic. How it works. How to… counter it, if it ever came to that. My team has some tests lined up that require subjects with abilities. They've been hard to find and recruit, for obvious reasons.”

Ross reached out and picked up the mug, finally took a sip. “So, I’d like you to come work for me. On a temporary basis. Help me out with our tests. I think that would be a fair trade to start with. And if, down the line, you need more of my help… then we can renegotiate.”

Stephen knew this was what Ross would ask for, of course. He'd already discussed the possibility with Wong and the other Masters. They'd agreed that it could be useful to see exactly what Ross’s group was interested in, what understanding of the Mystic Arts they already had, if any. Ross was a tricky bastard, but Stephen had dealt with him before. And the man did have integrity. Stephen knew he could be trusted to keep his word. The other Sorcerers had set some conditions, though, on what he could offer Ross. Stephen agreed with them.

"I'll agree to your tests as long as you can assure me they're safe. And I'm not doing more than one a week. If you want more than that you'll have to pay me for my time.”

Ross nodded, eyes eager. Money, apparently, was not an issue.

“But I'm not teaching anyone magic. And I'm not revealing the names of any other Sorcerers or the location of Kamar-Taj. If any of your people want to learn, they can seek us out and ask to be accepted just like everyone else."

Ross took another sip of coffee and pretended to think it over. "Deal,” he said.

They shook on it that day, over the table, Stephen extending his hand reluctantly to seal his fate. And now here he was, standing in a white room, staring at a plexiglass box on the ground, waiting for something to happen.

Ross had kept his word, at least, as Stephen knew he would. Mary’s got a new last name, some very convincing documents, and a spot at Molloy College for the upcoming fall semester. And the tests so far haven't been terrible, just tedious. Like performing magic in an MRI machine, which was awkward, but not difficult.

Stephen’s never been in this particular room before, though. He glances over his shoulder, but Ross and his lackeys are now engrossed in the monitors in front of them.

There's a sound, then—a faint, high-pitched hum, growing steadily louder. Stephen tilts his head curiously. It sounds almost organic, rising and falling like the call of some insect. And it seems to be coming from the box on the floor. He still can’t sense anything alive inside.

“Can you actually hear that?” Dr. Thompson asks through the intercom. She sounds surprised.

“Yeah, it’s—” He’s about to say incredibly irritating, when a blast of icy air hits him. “What the hell is that?” he mutters. There aren’t any vents it could be coming from. “Don’t tell me you’re going to give me hypothermia,” he calls.

“Are you feeling cold?” Dr. Thompson asks.

That’s odd. “Yes, I—” But the sound suddenly reaches a screech that’s almost unbearable, accompanied by a stabbing pain right above his eyes. His skull is literally vibrating. The fucking room is vibrating. Stephen grabs at his head. “Can you shut that noise off? I—”

And then the world suddenly drops away from under his feet.

[idontevenremember5minutesago]

Bnha is overhyped and it’s damaging the fandom.

Did that get your attention? Good.

I tried. I tried so hard to stay away from discourse in this fandom because I know how Tumblr is. I’ve been on this site long enough. It’s a site full of complainers who can never be happy with anything. It’s site full of fan entitlement and people who think they can tell other people how to write their own stories and what they can do with their creations.  I know this.

And that would be fine, if they kept it to Tumblr. But there is a rise of idiots harassing content creators with how they feel a story should go and it is driving me INSANE! And with the BNHA fandom on the rise, their newest target is Hori and it is so aggravating.

This man has been through so many failures and disappointments that almost knocked him out of manga writing for good and now he has a hit series and is gaining back the confidence he lost and writing a story he loves and you assholes are ruining it with your disgusting fan entitlement. I saw the Voltron fandom turn to absolute garbage in real-time because of fan entitlement and it so discerning to see it happening right in front of my eyes with the bnha fandom. Again.

(I’m not gonna say it’s because a lot of toxic Voltron fans came into the fandom when the show ended, but it’s because a lot of toxic Voltron fans came into the fandom when the show ended.)

(I’m not even gonna go into the Endeavor death threats because good God)

So let me address something, and I say this as a bnha fan, who loves the show and the characters.

BNHA IS NOT A DEEP SHOW.

The premise. The characters, the setting, the motivations. They are not deep. They are as simple and cliché as it gets.

The characters have done before.

The plot has been done before.

The conflict has been done before.

And that is okay.

It’s okay for a story to be simple and for the characters to have simple motivations. That’s why people like DBZ. That’s why people e liked Naruto Part One. And yes, that’s why people also like Black Clover. Because they are simple shows that employ simple themes that, yes, have been done before.

There is a pretentiousness on tumblr where everything has to be deep for you to like it.

I see this mostly from Bakugou stans in this this fandom. They herald him as a beacon of character development that has never been done before, not just in the series but in all of shonen actually in all media. I have literally seen someone compare Bakugou’s arc to Zuko’s and I just- . It’s so damn stupid. And I laugh everytime I see it because Bakuogu has been done before. His character arc has been done and it’s been done better. It aint that damn deep.

Y’all can just admit you like assholes.  It’s okay. I see this mostly done as defense mechanism done because Bakugou anti come after fans and the character which is okay because Bakugou antis get on my nerves too. But when I see it done unironically I can’t take them seriously. It was said straight out of Hori’s mouth that Bakugou was made to be unlikable, but hey so was some other popular assholes on this site, but the difference between those fans and Bakugou fans is that the other fans can admit they just like assholes.

Whew.  Had to get that out of my system. Probably pissed off a bunch of Bakugou stans. Don’t really give a shit. Moving on.

It seems like most of the damn discourse these days is coming from the fact that Hori is implementing traditional shonen clichés. And to that I say, WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF GENRE DID YOU THINK YOU WERE READING? A shojo? A seinen? A josei? A harem? Of course, it’s gonna implement Shonen tropes.

This fandom has fallen into the traditional tumblr pitfall. People make deep think pieces,headcanons and metas and convince themselves and others that what they’re watching is deeper than it is. When the creator of the show includes something that aligns with their content, they think that their think pieces and metas were right and that was the creator’s intention all along which tricks them into believing that they know all of the authors intentions  and can speak on what the author is trying to do and with that comes an inflated sense of entitlement where they begin to think that the authors decisions must always align with their theories and views and when they don’t, in comes the death threats and the screams that the creator is a terrible writer and doesn’t know how to handle their own story and characters.

You guys want Bnha to be a subversion to Shonen clichés because that’s what YOU hyped it up as. And now that its going against what you want, it’s terrible writing and going down the road of older shonen manga, like Naruto. It drives me crazy when I see idiots on this hellsite attacking Hori for using common Shonen tropes when he has since the beginning, but you guys just didn’t want to see it cause everything has to be deep or a subversion on this hellsite.

It’s so damn aggravating.

Fan entitlement is so cancerous. And I’m so annoyed to see it spread over to this fandom because this fandom was so chill when it was smaller. I’m so tired of seeing big fandoms become crap because of fans like this.

Has the story stagnated? In some ways, yes. It has. The motivations and growth of some of the characters, (NOT JUST DEKU, BAKUGOU STANS) has slowed down since most of them are realizing their arcs. Deku is gaining more control over his emotions and OFA (AS HE FUCKING SHOULD BECAUSE MAIN CHARACTERS ARE MEANT TO GROW AND THAT IS GOOD THING YOU DUMBASSES) Shouto is opening up, Bakugou is shimmering down, Shinsou is one step closer to being in the hero course (which was his entire character arc btw). Iida’s arc has been done and a lot of other characters are reaching plateaus as well or haven’t been explored because there are so many.

But guess what.

The series isn’t fucking done yet. It’s not completed. It’s not done yet. Long stories tend to slow down , sometimes they will hit walls and that’s okay. That is natural.

Holding Bnha to impossible standards where it always has to be on pace because you hyped it up as ‘ The best Shonen ever written tm ‘ is not fair.

So instead of frothing at the mouth when your little meta’s and tumblr post and theories don’t align with the story or it takes a turn you don’t agree with how bout you shut up and let this man write his own damn series and work his story out. He has it planned out. He has gone on record saying this. I think he’s good.

Criticism is good. There are a lot of criticisms I have with Bnha. Not agreeing with writing decisions is good. Having headcanons is good. Having theories is good. These are all valid,

Attacking someone because THEIR story is going a way you dont want it to go, is not okay and it never will be. I can’t believe I have to say this.

[oracleofimladris]

An Apology

To everyone who’s been around to day and who’s had the misfortune of wondering what in the hell has been going on.

Below the cut as this is going to be lengthy af, just for the record.

Simply put: I was not aware, that on a website where the main medium by which people communicate is reblogs, that there were people who assumed that their followers would not reblog their posts.

Sometime last night or this morning, I reblogged a post from elerondo in the form of a family tree - which I mistakenly assumed was a canon depiction, but was in fact, a personal headcanon (a headcanon they did not which to see reblogged at all).

After doing this, as it was still quite early, I continued with my morning roll-call of social media (tumblr, facebook, instagram, snapchat, discord, etc), and proceeded to the bathroom, and then to shower. Upon exiting the shower, as I sat my ass down, wrapped in a towel and drying, I checked my phone again, and noticed at some point in the last hour, I had received a tumblr message - or three to be exact. You see, I couldn’t have noticed this earlier, as I don’t have notifications enabled on any form of social media. I don’t like to be tied to my phone, and I found that when I did previously, I spent more time on my phone than I would have liked.

The messages are as follows:

Now, these could of course be interpreted as polite, however, I personally felt more like this took the tone of a 3rd and final warning, as opposed to a first interaction. 

Note: I have never before today spoken to the owner of this blog, as you can tell from the lack of messages prior to this morning.

Now, despite the very stiff tone of those messages, my initial reaction was to immediately delete the post, and to then go back to the message to reply and say that I had done so, only to find that I could send a message back.

I thought several things:

- Maybe they don’t have messages enabled (unlikely as they had sent me a message).

- Maybe they enabled it to send the message and disabled it immediately after (again, unlikely, I told myself, as tumbler would probably has deleted the message or something).

- Maybe I have universal messages enabled, whereas they only have “followers” enabled (which, again, is strange, because I was following them, but still, I thought maybe I didn’t remember the options clearly, and opted to send an ask instead).

The ask would have read something as follows:

The post was deleted. Could you at least tell me why, since I’m not a fan of one-sided conversations that benefit no one, and I can’t seem to send you a message back?

Note: I can’t confirm the exact wording as I didn’t copy the message before sending it.

Note: I thought it funny that the blog wasn’t loading as I went to send the ask from mobile, but let’s all be honest here, who hasn’t experienced technical difficulties with tumblr - especially tumblr mobile?

I thought it was weird, but I was in the bathroom, in the innermost part of our appartment, in a giant building made on concrete. I could be sitting by the window sometimes and not get cell reception, much less expect the wifi to travel all the way down the hall is still function at maximum capacity. So yeah, I let it go.

I got up. I dried my hair. I got dressed. I made my bed and sat down at my computer... But a thought was still nagging at me. The blog was still not loading properly on my phone an hour later, so I loaded the message on my computer. Fine. I checked the blog. Fine. I clicked-through on the pm. Bingo!

Nothing. Or whatever the tumblr message is for “you’re not seeing anything here because you’ve been blocked.”

At this point, I won’t lie, I was pretty insulted. In under an hour, I’d been sassed and blocked by someone I’ve literally never spoken to in my life, for doing nothing more than what’s expected of all of us on this god-forsaken hellsite - reblogging a post.

I was upset - angry, even - but I was nearly content to leave it be. However, going back to my first point that the messages struck me as though they were saying “you should know this.”

So I went back to the post and read it over again... No warning. I checked the tags... No warning. I checked the blog description... No warning. I checked their about page... No warning. I checked their rules page... No warning. Something similar about “interactions” - threads? - but nothing about headcanons. No warning whatsoever that this person didn’t want their headcanons reblogged.

Hence the posts you saw from me here, and on my other blog, regarding the reblog function being the cornerstone of tumblr (and elerondo, more like elerond-no). 

I decided to take the matter up with a few friends. I thought, yknow, maybe I’m over-reacting? Maybe I imagined this entire slight? Maybe the message I sent is what made them block me? I don’t even know...

I recounted what happened - to a handful of people now - and each of them weighed in, each of them claiming that they hade never before heard of people not wanting their headcanons reblogged - despite this clearly being what OP was upset about.

Note also that while I made these posts on my own blogs, blogs that were blocked by the OP, I was greeted with notes from a certain thisblogisgettingdeleted.

Now listen, I wouldn’t normally have made a fuss of it, but as this person insta-blocked me (effectively making sure I wouldn’t have a means to reply to them with), but made the very clear effort to make sure I knew they’d seen my messages, I felt rightly insulted.

At this point, I decided that since the only way to communicate with them would be through a blog that wasn’t blocked, I’d need to create a new one, and in order for the message to be posted if they ever replied to it the message would need to be anonymous.

That said, it certainly didn’t come out as nicely as my first message would have:

I made this side-blog for the express purpose to reiterrating my original message, and informing them that they were mistaken in assuming that it was “common knowledge” that people shouldn’t reblog headcanons. And that I thought their manner of going about things was childish at best, though obviously left that part out.

To this, they responded as follows:

Now, I don’t know if everyone is reading this the same way as me, but my first and foremost impression of this, upon reading it was that “first of all, I wasn’t passive-aggressive. I was full-on aggressive,” struck me as an odd choice of words. 

Surely, being full-on aggressive shouldn’t be something to brag about?

Note the following “you can’t accept that I blocked you,” preceeded by their creating of a side-blog to not only revisit my blog, but to interact there as well.

Followed closely by myself not being civil for not sending them a simple message... Note the steps I had to go through for them to even get this one.

Here they mention messaging me with their request, and their request not being met... An hour, guys. A single fucking hour - in which I shit you not, I was in the shower. That’s what I was given to respond to this. And yo, that’s the amount of time between when I checked my tumblr. That’s not even guaranteeing they sent me that message right after I switched apps. For all I know it could have been 30 minutes, or less.

Note: “do not reblog my ooc posts if it doesn’t include you,” still does not refer to headcanons, and I foresee them having this exact problem again in the future.

Now I was presumed to be online because I was still reblogging things... A mistake on our dear OPs part. Dears and dolls, if you’ve been following me for any significant period of time, then you know my queue is always full. Ergo, my blog is always running, even when I’m not around.

For this person whom I have never spoken to to assume anything about my life, much less to assume that I’m around to cater to their every whim, frankly astounds me. Even if I was online, which I wasn’t, I wouldn’t necessarily have seen the message right away eg. if I was on my computer and had a dozen or more tabs open, if I was in the process of looking at another blog, which cuts off the tool bar, or whatever other scenario.

Following this post, several comments were added by both OP and a follower of theirs:

After comments like these, I’m supposed to believe that “a message saying [I] have deleted of sth would have sufficed for [them] to unblock?”

Highly. Doubtful.

That said, I took it upon myself to also message the person in these comments, as they clearly weren’t going to waste any more time than OP did in finding out what happened.

As you can see from the following, they fare no better:

Blocked. Again.

Deserved? At this point, I don’t even care.

For those who were around to see it, my response to elerondo’s post was made on my personal dump as it was the only place associated with my main blog that would be able to post it.

For those who didn’t, you can find it HERE, or below:

In the end, I’m not writing this because I want this shit to keep going. I’m writing it because I got a lot of advice from various different people and the truth is this...

TL;DR:

The apology is for those of you who’ve been wondering what’s going on all day, not for the persons involved.

I did not send the message anonymously because I wanted to be anonymous. I really don’t care either way, because what I did was was not wrong. In no way is reblogging a god damn post on tumblr, of all places, wrong. However, the initial response I got, and the confirmation that it was indeed meant to be aggressive, have shown me that elerondo - and likely the company they keep as well - have no interest in being polite, or even in remaining civil, but instead are quick to insult and play the victim.

In essence...

Talk shit.

Get hit.

And if you can’t handle it, you probably shouldn’t be on the internet.

Sincerely,

Me.

[janiedean]

Bro the Queen thing was just for a laugh lol let gay people make jokes

bro, if you had said ‘let gay people make jokes that make them sound like four year olds that just found out kindergarten exists’ I could have taken you seriously, but since you still can’t get into your thick performative activist heads that it’s not funny for anyone except maybe the three of you, I’ll explain you a few brief facts:

one: ¾ths of queen are straight so assuming they wouldn’t understand song they wrote and played (beyond somebody to love) already shows that you haven’t thought this joke through;

two: freddie mercury made a goddamned point to not make his sexuality a selling point or the only part of him people would be interested in when listening to his *music*, so your dumb jokes are something he would most likely fucking hate;

three: sorry to break it to you, but with all the sales queen had, going statistically, I can assure you more than half of their fanbase is straight, so congrats on assuming millions of people don’t get the bands they like;

four: music is an extremely subjective thing that tells different things to different people regardless of the original target of the song. I’ve seen articles titled ‘how I, a lesbian person, realized springsteen’s music wasn’t just for male cishet middle-aged guys’ in which people said that to them, a song that’s blatantly about a guy who killed someone and hightails it out of town and hopes that the border patrol doesn’t stop him, felt like it was about wanting to leave somewhere you had to stay in the closet and felt suffocated because you couldn’t come out. now, that’s nowhere near the original meaning of the song, but if for the lesbian author that related on that level… who the hell am I to make posts like ‘lesbians don’t understand springsteen songs’? spoilers: no one;

five: one reasons queen actually made it big was that their songs are actually very much relatable on a bunch of different levels and as I explained some ass who made jokes about how *straights* wouldn’t get I want to break free (written by a straight man btw but I see that now at least y’all are having the decency to pick songs that freddie wrote to throw shade at the straights TM, huh?), just that ONE song can be relatable for, FOR EXAMPLE, people with depression, people stuck in a phase of their life they hate, someone getting over a bad relationship and lgbt people who want to come out. and the lyrics to I want to break free are hardly extra complicated or difficult or obscure. of course then you have borap which no one still understands and freddie refused to explain but like… it’s IT CAN BE WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT regardless of whether their lyrics are obscure or the entire contrary. that was what made queen sell the number of records they did - because they make songs people can relate to, genius;

six: the fact that your ***joke*** assumes straight people can’t in any way shape or form conceive a life where they feel like they’ll be forever alone and no one will love them or they will never find a relationship says all about how **funny** it is because it implies dehumanizing an entire category of people and assuming they don’t have feelings or can’t conceive what y’all go through, which then turns into People On This Hellsite sending straight people TM the worst kind of bullshit and vile anons just because since we have no feelings and we’re supposed to take all your dumb unfunny jokes then it’s fine. idk, since I’ve been here according to you I should have laughed at:a) people telling me at thirty I was too old for anything and I should look for a husband and get married already;b) people telling me I was a homophobe/half of this dumbass website blocking me on sight for informing y’all that straight women find men sexually attractive as a general rule - no, really;c) someone telling me once that they hoped I’d find someone I would trust implicitly and give all of myself to in bed just to have them tell me the moment after we’re done that I was ugly and unlovable and I deserved to die alone;e) being called a bitch/homophobe an insane amount of times for pointing out that straight women who don’t look standard attractive have issues;f) people questioning why I went to therapy because I happen to relate to a character in a straight ship that they hated and the reasons why I went are Issues That Character Has.that was just the first six instances I could think of because they were personal but I assure you, your rhetoric about straight people TM being dehumanized aliens who hate y’all isn’t helping literally anyone;

seven: as someone who has fucking struggled with years with the issues the somebody to love narrator has (I did look at the mirror and felt horrible/almost cried when I was a teenager, I did wake up each morning feeling like shit for half of my time in uni, I’ve been struggling with managing initiating contact with other people since high school fucked me up in that sense, I’ve been told that I could never be attractive enough to find someone who’d love me and that I was too brainy or ugly or extra or threatening for men to even look at me and so on) and who has always found that song immediately relatable which is why, surprise surprise, out of all the songs freddie mercury wrote on his own for this band - not counting the march of the black queen but that’s another story - somebody to love is absolutely my single favorite and has always been since the second I heard it, because to me it was relatable at seventeen and it’s relatable now, the moment I read that fucking ****joke**** I literally felt a bout of vomit rise up in my throat, my stomach closed up and for a second I felt like crying as your joke was implying that my straightness disqualified me from understanding/liking a song I’ve loved and felt deeply for half of my life, but I suppose that doesn’t mean anything in comparison to the fact that you **gays of tumblr** need to have a laugh at the expense of 85% of the planet and not, idk, homophobes? no, you never say HOMOPHOBES COULDN’T UNDERSTAND QUEEN or whatever the fuck it is, you say straight people can’t. if you don’t see where the fuck is your problem I’d advise you to really go back to kindergarten because usually you realize that other people have feelings at about that age and I have a feeling that if this is your reasoning for saying I should shut up and have a laugh at my own expanse, well, you’re just an asshole;

eight: newsflash, bro, some people use music to cope with just about anything. I’m not the only person I know who has a fairly damned visceral personal relationship with the music she listens to, to the point where I can do the art is not the artist thing np with just about any media except music - I can watch a movie made by a person I despise or whose political views I despise, if I think it’s a good movie, I can’t physically listen to music from people I despise or whose political views I despise. heck, every time my local rock music station airs current lynyrd skynyrd’s music I mute it because their lyrics make me want to hurl and I actually do like the melody half of the time, but I can’t listen to them. and I know people who are way worse than me about this. if you show up basically telling me (or whoever else) that bands we like and helped us through whatever fucking shit life threw at us are now Not A Thing We Can Like Or Understand Anymore you’re being an asshole and for a thing that makes no sense because the beautiful thing about MUSIC in general is that everyone finds the music they like relatable for different fucking reasons even if it’s the same artist and your dumbass attempts at **gatekeeping** bands that existed since before you were born and straight people listened to since before you were born and whose records they bought before you were born is honestly just so fucking ridiculous and really kindergarten-level that if that is what you need to have a laugh I advise you to develop some sense of humor, because you sure as hell ain’t got one.

good enough for you? your joke wasn’t funny. deal with it e stacce.

also: I’m fucking done giving a shit about what kind of dumbass jokes at the expense of **straight people** y’all think is cool to make on here. are we oppressed for being straight? sure af not. but since most straight people on here are actually allies and support your rights and uh, are also human beings that aren’t just useful when you need someone to reblog your info posts informing us that ***straight people can reblog!!! :)))*** underneath after having reblogged your fucking jokes ten minutes earlier, I really don’t give a fuck about your need to have a laugh at the expanse of other people’s feelings and I’m going to reblog all the people telling you that y’all ain’t funny until my fingers fall off.

ps: did you send this message also to the pansexual user who called that dumbass OP on their bullshit before I did? just for science.

pps: grow the fuck up, it’s been time since years and y’all have about played all of your ‘it was just a joke’ cards a hell of a long time ago.

[feminismforlesbians]

I mostly see accounts of people who were terfs in their youth and changed their mind. What made you go the other way?

@bluegone  

I’m finally back at my laptop. 

(I had this huge essay going in reply to this and then realized that absolutely no one would read of all it and started from scratch).

I’d have to agree with some of the people who commented on this through replies or reblogs while I was away—-I have never seen someone who was a “terf in their youth” shift entire ideologies into liberal feminism. You’ll see a lot of people apologize profusely for being a transphobic cis gay before opening their eyes to tumblr dot com and becoming an instant trans inclusionist. That means that as young 14, 15, 16 year olds (their youth) they had never heard of gender identity vs sex or else didn’t know that attraction based on sex, which was their natural attraction, was a bad thing. It doesn’t mean they were “terfs”. It means they were young gay or bisexual kids who hadn’t ever been exposed to gender theory before and now have subscribed fully to it, apologies for the past crime of feeling sex-based attraction always ready to be offered up. They didn’t change their minds from one ideology to another; they simply subscribed to one without comparison to anything else. 

I actually fully engaged in one movement, then consciously made the decision to subscribe to a different one. 

I’ve been on this hellsite for a very long time. I’m 21 now and I was either 14 or just newly 15 when I first ~made an account. The mainstream “LGBT and feminist movement” on here is liberal trans-inclusive ace-inclusive feminism. It’s large, it’s the default, it’s the social justice community you participate in unless 1) you know there’s a different one you value and you find it or 2) you find a different one through the mainstream and value it (a la me). This mainstream collective has enjoyed trends such as monosexual privilege, gender bang pt 1, mogaii, split attraction model, gender bang pt 2, “q*eer”, and others. I was involved in all aforementioned and the others in between. I believed myself to be bisexual when I first started, because I knew I was attracted to girls and I assumed I was attracted to guys. The monosexual privilege, mogaii, and split attraction model trends all did fantastic jobs of reinforcing this internalized heterosexism but also created a substantial amount of internalized lesbophobia. Gender bang pt 1 and the split attraction model together also created some short-lived but intense body sex dysphoria (wherein I would find myself browsing through packers and binders and shutting my eyes while using the restroom, despite still knowing myself to be a woman) because between the pressure to hyperdefine every aspect of my attraction and to deconstruct my gender, I went through the extra identity crisis that was never needed. This is all a very compressed version of the experience, and is more of a background for the events that started the momentum to my switch in ideologies. 

The tumultuous gender and sexuality crises that I personally experienced as a result of these trends lasted from about the ages 14 to 18; I didn’t start to drift away from the libfem community until I was 20. It was not the personal crises that made me leave, and it’s not my crying about them, about my individual woe-is-me tale that makes me a “terf”. It’s the foundation, though, and that’s why it’s worth mentioning. So you are aware I am not talking out of my ass when I describe things in the libfem community, like language used, priorities made, or the effects on young and/or gay people. I’m not talking out of my ass because I was fully subscribed to it for years; enthusiastically and wholeheartedly. It was my community. 

By the time I was about 18-19 I had finally just let myself be a girl and the sex dysphoria had dissipated along with the frantic attempts to gender-trend myself so that I could make my sexuality “make sense”; I knew I was attracted to girls and though I assumed I must have been attracted to guys, I couldn’t describe how and gender-trending seemed to be the answer. I let that go, the gender-trending part, and then I was just a “cis” bisexual girl. I was okay with that; I accepted that trans people were The Most Oppressed. I knew (and still know) that trans people are deserving of safety, and health care, and that dysphoria can be life threatening. I was content with the standards that trans people came first. Trans women are women and trans men are men, check your cis privilege, and so on. 

And then somewhat of a trio of things of happened in quick succession: there was finally that “duh…I’m a lesbian” moment, a wave of gender theory craze that I call gender bang pt 2, and then I got involved in the ace diskhorse. When I finally let myself be a lesbian it was like…learning to fly. For about two seconds. I just felt free from the discomfort and frustration and pain I’d put myself through trying to convince myself I was attracted to men when I really just wasn’t. And then I came out as a lesbian on here, on this hellsite, and I got people telling me, immediately, that that was great as long as I wasn’t One Of Those Lesbians. The terfy ones. Suddenly it became imperative that every time I talked about women I said and trans women. It was with my own internal freedom to be attracted only to women that I finally saw that the reverse was true in this community I was a part of. I was friends with straight women, bisexual women, pansexual women, q*eer women, q*eer nonbinary people, and many trans people. And they were all attracted to men. And what I watched was how normalized and encouraged attraction to men was—how the “thirst” for men was being called empowering and sexy and “q*eer”. Maybe it is empowering and sexy (it’s certainly not “q*eer”), but not when attraction women was either hush hushed or practically infantilized. Attraction to men was loud and suggestive and sexual and humorous and encouraged; attraction to women was…not. This I noticed first. Men and women. And then I noticed something else. It was okay to connect men to penises. It was assumed, by nearly every person around me, that when one “thirsted for that dick” they were talking about a man and that was okay. If someone said “I really want to fuck her”, without even citing whether “cis” or trans, the entire community was on alert. If someone were to say “I would eat her out”, there would be goddamn riots in the name of transphobia. This was where I started think that it was kind of fucked up that people could be “transphobic” in talking about men and penises have it celebrated as feminist, and then utterly destroyed for talking about women and vulvas. This was where I started to wonder why it was okay for my straight female friend to talk about her thirst for men using explicit details involving dick, but it wasn’t okay for me, a lesbian, to have a sexual attraction to vulvas. This was where I started to want to ask questions about sex-based attraction (but I didn’t, because you don’t ask questions in libfem communities. You just accept, validate, and welcome everybody and shut your goddamn mouth if you don’t.)

This overlapped with the gender bang pt 2, which was a reinforcement of the gender theory that had been prevailing for a while but was more significant to me at the time. While I was now starting to wonder why people attracted to men could specify male genitalia in their attraction and lesbians weren’t permitted to do the same for women, there was beginning a larger push to pretend like biological sex didn’t exist at all. There was a push for people to believe that only gender, a concept of personal identity, factored into attraction. It was a push that made it so a woman was only a woman because she said so, and to speak of biological sex was to be transphobic. It was a push that deconstructed my womanhood and my sexuality in one blow. It was a push that further amplified discussions of “dick”, except now where my lack of participation in such talks would have been unnoticeable, it was a “red flag”. It was upsetting. It wasn’t trans people that were upsetting to me, or trans women, or trans “validity”. I wasn’t angry about the fact that trans people existed, I didn’t wish them ill or dead. I was angry that my femaleness, my womanhood, the part of who I was for which this movement claimed to stand for—feminism—was now the enemy. It was being erased. I was angry that my sexuality, which I had had barely a breath to revel in, which I had had denied to me through all this other genderist bullshit, was now treated as a “risk factor” for being a transphobe—the ultimate evil. I couldn’t say any of this, though, I couldn’t ask any questions, I couldn’t differ even slightly in opinion, or disagree with something or have some fucking boundaries, because this is the libfem circles we are talking about. So, instead, I just buried my thoughts because part of me felt that maybe I was evil for thinking that way. 

And right around then I stumbled into the ace diskhorse. Yes, that one area within liberal feminism where there is the slightest variety—I say slightest because in fact, if you openly suggest ace exclusion as a libfem, you will be decimated just as you would for criticizing genderism. However, I say variety, because there are a decent amount of libfems who are ace exclusionists but subscribe to literally everything else in libfem rhetoric. That’s where I found myself, on another tiny blog, lurking curiously in these trans-inclusive gender-not-sex q*eer ace-exclusive posts. (Mind, I am ace exclusive. But that’s not what makes me a terf. Just an aphobe, apparently). This was where I learned that, hey, it was possible to not agree with every single little thing that the tumblr mainstream declared “valid”. I had never strayed away from the mainstream because I didn’t know of any other circle except, you know, terfs, which were obviously evil—so why would I have ever bothered to look at a so-called terf’s blog or in a “terfy” tag? I hadn’t. I hadn’t ever seen anything but the tumblr mainstream all very forcefully agreeing with each other, supported by kawaii banners and not much else. Yet here was the tiny ace-exclusive corner, where people actually discussed like, concepts, and constructs, and facts, and histories, and actual manifestations of oppressions. I saw people actually asking goddamn questions. 

A few times, I would see an ace-inclusive libfem telling an ace-exclusive libfem that they were evil fucking aphobes that were “just as bad as terfs”. Privately, I would think, no, no I’m not like a terf. Terfs are evil! They want to kill trans women and are total fetishists! I don’t want to kill anyone, I know trans people. Just because I think maybe being female matters and that maybe it’s okay to be attracted to sex, does not mean I’m a terf. 

So it was all happening in congruence: I was a lesbian finally free from her own internalized lesbophobia, looking to embrace and revel in my sexuality after hating it for so long, as the community I trusted told me that it was wrong to desire vulva but empowering to suck dick. I was starting to look up and outside and thinking about asking questions just as I discovered that questions could be asked. I was thinking.

I can identify a moment that could be called the catalyst. 

I was perusing my ace-exclusionist corner, and an ace-exclusionist libfem had made a post about asexuality that a “terf” had dared agree with. There was no mention of trans people or sex or gender on either end and still the libfem said:

“go get hit by a truck and die, terf”

It was so brutally violent and since the “terf” had said nothing that was trans or gender or sex related, I thought that this must mean that terfs are so universally evil they’re worthy of fucking death threats just for commenting on a post. And then I worried the thoughts I’d been having, the anger about devaluing my sex and sexuality in the name of trans activism, were terfy. And so I clicked on that terf’s blog, to see how maliciously cruel and hateful these terfs were so that I could reaffirm my previous loyalty to trans-inclusive feminism. 

Except what happened was that I clicked on that terf’s blog and she wasn’t the spawn of Satan. I clicked on people she reblogged from and people they reblogged from and soon found myself lurking in honest-to-God terf circles. It wasn’t violent. It wasn’t evil. No one was asking for the rapes and murders of trans women. No one was fetishizing women. There were black terfs and brown terfs and disabled terfs and lesbian terfs and bisexual terfs and young terfs and older terfs. These terfs weren’t at all the kawaiied pasteled hivemind that libfem was. They actually talked about things; they explored, explained, and support ideas, history, facts, and values. It was invigorating. They didn’t all agree all the time all at once and no one was threatening lives for having a different perspective. Their commonality? In the most basic definition, these trans exclusive radical feminists believed in sex-based oppression, in sex-based attraction, and in the prioritization of women in feminism. Obviously there’s much more to it than that; that’s what made it so fascinating, this movement that had a foundation and entire layers of analyses and arguments and facts and history and convictions. 

I lurked and I lurked and I lurked and then I said fuck it, and I made a blog. I believe that gender is a social construct, that biological sex is fact, that sex-based oppression exists; I don’t want trans people dead, I don’t think trans people don’t deserve health care, I don’t think trans people don’t deserve safety. There’s more, but those are the baselines. 

So I guess now I’m a terf that switched sides. And apparently deserving of things like getting hit by a truck and dying. Comes with the territory when you decide to be part of a movement that asks questions and doesn’t deny reality.