painful-thoughts-in-my-head

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Would you like to import your contact—

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Biblically accurate Hatsune Miku

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can someone shoot me in the head actually

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man, I wish DiD was just friends in your head. sometimes I just want the endo experience yk?

but hopefully surprising to nobody it's just more than that

i know sysblr focuses a ton on the alters, but that's not the only part I struggle with

DiD for me is constant dissociation. random stressors triggering that sort of response, besides never remembering that triggering me. chunks of the day- gone- just like that. never being fully connected to anything- it can be hell.

DiD for me is the comorbid depression and anxiety.

DiD for me is being scared of not being believed because it's been so TikTokified.

DiD for me is the trauma response that comes with it. The constant guilt. The feeling like I deserved it. The overexplaining, the overapologizing, the people pleasing.

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Just relapsed after 6 months

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bpd is so embarrassing it’s just being 13 forever

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Ich bin es so leid, mich so zu fühlen.

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sometimes i talk to myself and we both cry

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i feel like someone dead pretending to be alive

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I feel so disconnected from everyone and everything. How am I supposed to be happy in a place I so clearly don't belong

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i just wanna give up, i don't wanna try anymore

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time with complex trauma is like. i need to do everything all at once and if i don't i'm a failure, even if there's nothing to do. three months ago feels like yesterday but i can hardly remember yesterday anyway. i'm running out of time. for what? i don't know. i need everything to slow down but my life is so stagnant. i can't go to sleep because the day can't end, but i need the day to end or i'll go insane. i'm constantly worrying about the future but it feels like i have no future. i'm running out of time. for what? i don't know. time has no meaning but every second is the end of the world.

or is this just me?

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abusive parents will act like the world is insanely dangerous place where you get shot on sight as soon as you make a slightest mistake or displease anyone, when in reality the only place where this happens is your parents house

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Parts of PTSD that no one talks about

Not knowing who to be angry at.

Being angry with yourself for letting it happen even if there was no way to stop it.

Crying and not knowing why.

Flashbacks where nothing bad is happening but it feels bad.

Denying that it ever even happened because your brain doesn't want to process it.

Wanting to go back to it so it feels "bad enough."

Intentionally triggering yourself to feel like your suffering is real.

Being angry all the time at every little thing.

Getting triggered by minor things and then being treated poorly because of your reaction to said trigger.

Hating change.

Being scared to sleep because you know you'll have nightmares.

Struggling to find hobbies that you enjoy.

Feeling like you're barely human.

Struggling to be positive about anything at all.

Feeling like you may be manipulating people around you into liking you.

Feeling like no one believes you because you barely even believe yourself.

Treating your past self as a "dead" version of you and feeling like a completely different person.

Being tired all the time, both physically and mentally.

Feeling like if you talk about it, your safety will be at risk.

Feeling the need to hide your trauma from everyone, including professionals there to help them.

Being paranoid everyone is going to hurt you.

Being physically incapable of talking about it.

Feeling like you're stuck reliving your trauma.

Having to skip classes or work days because of flashbacks.

Mourning your past self.

Wanting to hurt others so they feel what you feel.

Wondering why it had to be you and it wasn't someone else.

Chronic pain.

Clinging to "safe people."

Not being able to find a solid sense of identity.

Forcing yourself to be around people who trigger you for the sake of politeness.

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🤭 oopsie (funnier as a system)